#it's literally a room in a building
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been reading a lot of City on the Edge of Forever fic recently (it's prime holiday real estate) and I just have to make the observation that some of y'all love making that flop luxurious. I'm pretty sure it's a room. like. they absolutely share a bathroom with the whole rest of the house. they are living in a bedroom in someone's (Edith's, presumably) house. they have extremely little privacy. I think we are actually missing out on great material by giving them more comforts than they would actually have had. you can fit some prime suffering in this bad boy.
#star trek#tos#k/s#city on the edge of forever#like#completely aside from actual historical context or accuracy#like actually watch the episode for a sec#that place is a FLOP#not a studio apartment#it's literally a room in a building#to be clear#I love everyone in this room#and I am reading and enjoying all of the luxury flop fics#I just want to make this observation#because I think we could fit more pain in here y'know#y'know what I mean#it's juicy#so much of the great city fic is having to hide their relationship#and I think some of y'all are making it too easy#it would be hard as FUCK#like spock amirite *finger guns*#ANYway#just thinkin thoughts#love y'all#llap
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(almost) four years in, and I finally had time to draw something for the anniversary! woo! 🎉🎉🎉
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#because i need to talk for a minute about how the plot of the anniversary story so far is literally just#crowley jumpscares us in our living room to demand we make him lunch and yuu is just like 'i need to start locking the door'#oh twst you always know just how to get me#the qol updates though! CONVERTING SINGLE KEYS INTO 10-SETS YES THANK YOU OH MY GOD#SKIP LESSON TICKETS!!!!#3X BATTLE SPEED!!!!!!!!!!!!#SAVE TEAM BUILDS AND SUPPORT CARDS FINALLY AHHHHH#oh and some other stuff too but look i NEEDED these things#also master chef grim! he's so precious!#though he's not going to get a little sporty uniform after all?#grim canonically flies in the nude i guess#no it's okay chef grim is ADORABLE#if you zoom in on his card you can see little smoodges from his inexpert cake decoration 😭#which on the one hand is cute but on the other hand i'd been convinced he'd just slapped some frosting and candles on an actual can of tuna#anyway happy (a few days until the) fourth anniversary everybody!#i've been here since the beginning (preregistered during the dorm reveals babyyyy) and it REALLY doesn't feel like it's been four years#you know what they say: time flies when you're watching anime characters have emotional problems
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📌dinky beats studio - windenburg
#anyway i still need to build an exterior for this#and literally everything else in the build aside of this room#ts4#sims 4#the sims 4#ts4 screenies#the sims community#ts4 build#my builds#ts4 interior#simblr#wip build
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"Since you've named yourself after Julius fucking Caesar, perhaps I'll follow in your lead and choose one of the conspirators." "Interesting," says Giuliano. "Should I worry about finding you at the center of some kind of conspiracy that ends with my death?" "Not from me," replies Ascanio. He sounds tired. "Not anymore."
informally, some kind of. conversational follow up to the last comic. I'm trying to get the atmospheric conversational whimsy out of my system because I have a vision of the vatican as a body in active decay, a point of infection spreading out and poisoning the well, a jaw unhinged that people walk into over and over, and I am so close to figure out how to convey this visually. maybe.
#not that there's anything wrong with atmospheric whimsy but i kind of want to get into the gross body horror of it all#literally. allegorically. for the vibes. its just hard to pin down the abstract thought of 'oh we should High Rise the Vatican' you know#(High Rise by JG Ballard is what i'm referring to here) like how do I achieve this. well. first. is i must lay out the vatican and become#intimate with the visual set pieces. then i can talk about how this building could literally be hazardous to your health#however. drawing the vatican. is very. uhhhh. man I do not know enough about medieval-renaissance architecture to be inventing#anything and that one book that collected interiors of rooms and houses in renaissance art is NEVER ANYWHERE EVER#and if it is then it's always around when i cannot afford it. i feel like i am in a specific kind of torment torture box#i will not be defeated tho. i can design a vatican through other means.#ANYWAY. i think antidepressants would've made ascanio an unstoppable menace in the vatican#there's a bunch of stuff being referenced here but my pdf reader does not want to cooperate with me so basically we're playing around with#ascanio's household staff (alessandro) that whole thing wrt to ascanio & acts of piety/charity (such as covering dowries etc)#uh. that's it! this time i didn't accidentally call giuliano by his brother's name. which is . sherhhg. so there's a fic i was writing.#italian renaissance tag#komiks tag
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now that im writing this it's occuring that i don't think this was ever actually mentioned or implied in game but the idea of the service weapon following the director around has been in my head rent free for a few days
#not quite literally following just kind of subtle-like. like shut it in a desk drawer lock your office for the evening and by the time youre#out of the building it's back in your pocket#get startled awake in the middle of the night and sit up sharply to find it already in your hand#even though the last place you left it was across the room#obviously you cant give it to someone else to hold so that just makes it easier#the shapeshifting would help too. maybe it's just a pocket knife for a little while maybe a butcher knife at home#hmm.. multitool service weapon...#be a real pain in airport security but the director probably has private transport either way#ANYONE ELSE THINKING ABOUT THIS. SPEAK TO ME. IT'S SO DARK IN HERE#control#control remedy#control game#original
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it doesn't matter how smart they are. show me a character and I'll be looking at them with a worried expression going "oh god, somebody help them, they're so stupid"
#every character is stupid#one way or another#shoutout to characters with no common sense. shoutout to characters with no highschool diploma. shoutout to characters with no emotional#intelligence. shoutout to characters who forget everything. shoutout to characters who are just bad at most tasks.#and even if a character is smart and good at majority of things? i will find the ONE thing that makes them stupid#and i will keep them within 10 feet of it at all times. or in the same room or building at least#bonus points if what makes them stupid is another character#doesn't have to be romantic stupid in love btw (i do love romance tho) it can be a best friend that makes them relax in such a way that they#start thinking before they act less and getting silly and reckless#or their (found family or literal family) child who cant stay out of trouble making them a little reckless with worry#stuff like that#i would say give me more but its everywhere#and if it isn't there? either because of bad writing or for overexaggerated comedic purposes? i can put it there. and i will#yea#rambling in the tags
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There isn't much discourse about how Mike went from saying that El was a weapon in s1, even encouraging the others to use El's powers when she was still recuperating after finding Will in the void, to then in s3 accusing the others of being reckless with her powers, saying she's risking her life for no reason.
Now, I want to make clear that I'm not bashing Mike here, this has less to do with what he's doing being right or wrong. What this is about is how Mike went from doing something himself, to calling out other people for doing it, without acknowledging that fact and why the writers chose to frame it all this way.
You might think it's insignificant, but these two following scenes are clearly being paralleled to each other. And so the fact that Mike himself is acknowledging this as something to be critical of, makes me wonder what exactly is going on in his mind...
I want to preface this scene from s1 by saying that Mike is giving very off vibes here. I know that I certainly viewed this scene as romantic the first time I saw it, but since rewatching it recently, I was getting completely different vibes.
They literally make a point to focus on Mike being distracted, on the verge of impatience. Then, the way El reacts upon Mike getting up abruptly, gives this feeling of uncertainty about Mike's consideration for her in this moment, as she's clearly not what's on the top of his mind right now. And it just makes you wonder, are we truly supposed to be feeling peak romance rn?
I never realized how out of place this scene was until now (or is it...). It's just such an odd choice to have El resting her head on Mike's shoulder for comfort, only for Mike to cut it short with him being distracted, and with Dustin and El looking awkwardly at Mike like "Okay?...", then followed by a scene where he's trying to convince the others to use El's powers to help.
Here we have s1 Mike displaying behavior that s3 Mike was calling out the others for displaying:
Here we have Lucas, who was very, very critical of El being dangerous ALL of s1, and yet now in complete contrast to that, he is showing more consideration and common sense for El's well being than Mike, the supposed love (at first sight) interest ...
'That's the most important thing, remember?'
A question, followed by Mike just standing there in silence, like he's only just now really thinking about El being safe as their main priority... This is something that combined with everything else unfolding over the course of this season and the seasons after, that makes Mike's behavior a whole lot easier to understand.
I'll have to make several other posts about this, because there are a lot of aspects to it, but for now I'm just going to focus on these two parallels.
Here we have what happens in s3, with Mike being critical of the others doing something he himself literally did in s1:
In fact, how careless all of you are.
THIS. When Mike makes it a big deal to call out everyone for doing something he himself has already done, he's outright admitting that it's something that he believes is wrong, and by not even slightly acknowledging his role in doing something similar in the past, it's very likely that he feels guilty about it.
This was probably his way of trying to make it right, by standing up for El in a way that he didn't before because he was treating her like some superhero and not a real person back then.
It's just that the word love slipped out, in the heat of the moment. And El, upon overhearing this, is seeing this development of Mike herself, with s1 Mike going from, yes being more kind and considerate than the other 2 boys in the beginning, but still sort of expecting stuff from her without her being able to verbally agree to it, to now having developed and changed to saying that one of his big priorities is her safety.
El is taking this as being evidence he went from not loving her, to loving her. Another reason why it's pretty obvious El didn't believe Mike's monologue, bc she herself witnessed Mike develop his apparent romantic feelings for her over time, and so him saying it was love at first sight, was probably the catalyst that made it abundantly clear to her that he wasn't being truthful, bc she knows it's not the truth. She's not stupid.
Again this isn't about Mike doing this back then or even the others doing it now as being bad vs. good, this is about the writers going about it this way, sending a message that Mike feels guilt, enough to try to make things right, but is apparently not ready to unpack the actual guilt that is beneath the surface which lead him to this point.
And then there's this scene, which... it's actually terrifying how obvious it is they instructed Sadie and Caleb to lean out of that shot with Will and Mike reacting to El entering the room... Like... It's SOO obvious when you watch it now what they're trying to hint at without saying it.
Not only are they hinting at Will's feelings, because that is part of it, they're also hinting at Mike's internal struggle. Will is always on the back of his mind whether he's willing to address it or not. And all while that is happening, he is feeling unaddressed guilt about how he treated El when they first met and spent that one week together helping her run away from the bad guys while also looking for Will, something Mike viewed as being worthy of El using her powers...
I'll have to make the other posts regarding this soon, because it all starts to click what's going on with Mike when you look at all of these things together.
While Mike is just a kid like pretty much everyone else in this story, and while he didn't mean any harm by asking El to help them find Will (none of them did), I think that's kind of the whole point?
I think that he got lucky superman landed on his doorstep, who just so happened to be in danger herself, giving him his own purpose to help her too, with her needing him as well, and so it became a situation where they both needed each other.
But because El could literally not speak, it's not like she could really voice her feelings about things they were doing, beyond yes and no. She had Lucas sort of being critical of her, with Mike encouraging El to do things that would make the others see her as being worthy of sticking around so they can find Will. It goes without saying she felt obligated to do these things, even if they didn't outright tell her she had to or else. We literally see almost all of these scenes with her doing stuff for the others being instantly juxtaposed with scenes of Brenner doing the same. It's not the same scale of severity, but it is an acknowledgment that although she is outside of the lab, she still feels like her powers are what define her and it's all people want from her.
I think what it comes down to, is that in that moment when she is sacrificing herself to the demogorgan at the end of s1, we are seeing in real time Mike realizing what he and the other's have been asking of her this whole time, without outright asking her.
And you can literally see the retaliation and devastation hit him all at once. The instant regret, where he's backtracking and El stops him from even trying.
'Goodbye Mike' singles him out, because while he was the one out of the three that showed her the most kindness from the start, he was also the one who at the end of it all, was still expecting her to risk her life for them...
And that just makes it hit so much harder when you think about how that made Mike feel in that moment.
And then in s2 how that impacts Mike and his journey going forward.
His breakdown at the end of s2 upon her return.
His behavior in s3-4, in relation to him juggling his relationship with Will and El, now that they are both in his life at the same time.
It all starts to make sense.
I won't go too much into it because those other posts are bound to be long with a bunch of pictures too!
But on that note, there's at least one thing Mike isn't acknowledging, and it's literally what led up to the unintentional love confession that then led us to 10 more episodes of miscommunication because of it...
It's going to be important for him to address this guilt for him to fulfill his arc and to also close off his expectations that he has to have a romantic relationship with El in order to keep her in his life at all.
The audience themselves seeing this and being forced to face it is also going to make it a lot easier for them understand why Mike did what he did, not only because he's a queer kid in the 80's who has every reason to doubt and repress, but also because he understandably feels sort of indebted to El after everything.
It's more complex than him just falling out of love with her and falling in love with Will because of XYZ.
I think there is a lot of guilt and shame and trauma connected to their meeting and the events that followed. And addressing that is going to give a lot of closure to the ending of the story and also the beginning.
#byler#stranger things#mike wheeler#i feel like mikes arc always comes off as convoluted to most viewers bc they’re missing the whole picture#like this is literally canon#Mike went from doing something to saying other people doing it was wrong without acknowledging his role in that from the beginning#and so ppl using that development as aww he loves her now…#doesn’t even work when apparently he loved her since the moment he saw her…#not being willing to pay attention to how they are building up mikes arc#dancing around all of his actions with#everyone makes mistakes bc they’re children and that’s okay#and just leave it at that…#bc yes obviously all of the characters should be able to make mistakes and be forgiven#but were ignoring the elephant in the room here#it’s canon Mike feels guilt for how he treated el in s1 yet he hasn’t acknowledged it…#instead of acknowledging his history of doing something similar#he’s pointed out everyone else doing it as if they’re doing something wrong he himself would never do…#as if he doesn’t have first hand experience#they could have actually made this moment romantic and genuine IF they wanted to#they could have had mike open up about how he used to do that#but after getting to know el and realize she is her own person#it made him think differently and he wants to do better by her#then maybe when she confronted him in front of everyone he could have said it again or asked to be alone to say it to her directly#and to apologize for how he acted in the past by expecting stuff of her#and THATS why he is extra cautious now#and then got her reaction#instead they give fans the impression Mike is the ideal male love interest#who is perfect for el#with this moment being one of their top reasons#and it’s a scene where he avoids confronting series long built up guilt…
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a mid century modern/boho inspired kitchen and living area in nas and hemani's eclectic old manor 🌼
#the idea is this whole building was renovated and the interiors are updated to the witches' current taste#very self indulgent because a mid century and boho mix is literally my fave mix personally#feels good to post interiors again :3#sims 4#ts4#the sims 4#sims 4 build#sims 4 interiors#golden int#sims 4 kitchen#sims 4 living room
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somebody in the apartment across from our hotel is watching one piece. this isn't weird for me to know btw because it's not my fault they don't have curtains
#actually literally nobody in the building has curtains. wild. absolutely wild you live across from a hotel what are you doooiinnnggf#before anyone gets mad i only watched long enough to identify it as one piece and only payed attention to the tv#and high key everyones design choices when I first saw them yesterday morning but COME ON they just have their living rooms on display#it was so interesting to see how each person set it up... before i closed the hotel curtains because they're absolutely wild#nobody is looking in here#trippin
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give me your headcanons for a minecraft server with the fmab kids
#im talking ed al winry paninya mei lan fan ling (+ greed v2 honorary dumbass child on account of being 6 months old and lings bestie)#im literally just bored right now but also if i like them enough im putting them in my modern au fic#bc im like “these guys NEED to play minecraft”#al and mei having a cottagecore base that you think is just a cutesy building#but theyve dug out a million blocks and there is a shit ton of minecraft breaking nonsense down there#lan fan is NOT a pvp master like youd except but she IS a hardcore girlie and she grinds for hours for the best gear#paninya has minor griefing tendencies and shes the reason ppl build elaborate vaults#winry is a redstone genius but she often doesnt use this for good#(god forbid she teaches paninya tnt cannons)#ed does a lot of modding but mostly just to adjust his hitbox and make himself taller than everyone#ling loves parkour (finally he can jump out of windows without breaking his legs!) and you can usually find him on hypixel ect#if not hes off advancement hunting and dragging along whoevers online#greed goes mining for hours. just like a straight tunnel. he steals lan fans shulker boxes so he can go mining for longer#he wants stacks and stacks of e v e r y t h i n g and winry tries to make a self sorting storage room for him but he fills it too fast#all of them are varying degrees of builder as well but al and lan fan are the only ones actually good at it#fuck whoops my hand slipped i didnt mean to make headcanons#STILL TAG YOURS i would love to read them even if they are the exact opposite of mine#fmab#fullmetal alchimist brotherhood#edward elric#winry rockbell#paninya#alphonse elric#lan fan#ling yao#greed the avaricious#greedling#headcanons#moss' madness
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guess who just watched s7e11 and is not ok that is me me is who
that scene when buffy saves spike is so powerful and so touching, i think this is def in like top 5 most emotional spuffy moments in the whole show</3333333 buffy's gaze at what they've done to him, spike's slow look of realization, the smile of relief (the look of love too and buffy staring right back at him with all the care in the world (and love but...) the touch of confirmation, the arms around the neck/arms around the back walk out </33333
... s7 them are not letting my heart rest one second and even though i strongly have questioned the writers, whoever made sure s7 them happened thank you
#the stages of shipping with these 2#has truly been a journey#from slow and unserious to pause to build up again but faster and serious now and so much aching and then the musical and screaming#and then angst and spicy and pining for more and dreaming up scenarios that either came true (and some didn't</3) and heartache so much hea#heartache to the writers saying fuck you after that sweet wedding moment and going in a whole other direction when literally any other angs#would have been better to ''break them up'' (esp if they were once again going to build them up again) (if only one could have been a spy i#that writer's room cause wtf i never know what the writers wanted with them)#AND THEN SEASON 7 AND THE BUILD UP IS SLOW YET FAST AT THE SAME TIME BUT SO LOUD SO LOUD AND SWEET#AND SOFT AND so much care and a bigger and stronger new trust and#the chemisty between james and sarah is award winning and more#they are so good#mine#buffy#i have so much to say but feel like i don't even have enough words to describe how they have made me feel#spuffy
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Okay I'm done with Natlan and Citlali's quest
My opinion on Citlali improved slightly, but the rest... Ehhh... No. I'm not gonna say that Natlan was bad, cause ngl for me the most boring archon quest was Sumeru. (And I'm saying it because of the fact that the dream loop was ridiculous and I hated it just as much as I hate Nahida which is a ToN)
Spolier rant in tags
#they build up so much climax for it to just be... not engaging at all#although I do like that you had additional scenes if you did story quests!#but it's just like... the whole 'omg everyone is hyping up mc' has been done SO MANY TIMES across all the games it's so run down and BorinG#I much more liked it when everyone wasn't swooning over the traveler#when we could actually interact with antagonists/villains#and not have it be some entity and collection of monsters that randomly spawn#i miss when traveler wasn't getting everything on a silver platter cause of their reputation#like when literally everywhere we had to FIGHT for everyone's respect#and I'm shadowposting rn idc#someone on twt said something like 'clearly you haven't read Liyue and Mond in a while if you think that was any better than Natlan 🤓' and#let me say rn: I think that Natlan story is better than Sumeru- but that doesn't mean it was any good because I didn't like Sumeru story#Natlan dialogue was just filled with npc like souless dialogue. Either with character pampering the traveler#saying some 'deep thoughts' or having 'random xD' moments#hands down- if they didn't shut up Ajaw it'd be more fun. Ajaw is slaying and bitch is acting like a 4th grader#and still has more personality than everyone in the room combined#and if Citlali's drinking problem wasn't written off as a joke- I'd probably love her character more#and I'm not saying it because it's a cool thing to say to hate on a new thing. but I'm saying it because it's getting more and more bland#i really wanted to like natlan but it just didn't stick for me
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this post but instead of hamsters it’s tenno ocs (i am guilty of this too LMFAO)
#EVERYONE I KNOW HAS HAD THEIR TENNO GO THRU A DAMN MEAT GRINDER ITS SO FUNNY. WE NEED TO STOP TORTURING OUR LITTLE GUYS#dying badly and then coming back just builds character <3 it’s good for them i promise#this is an affectionate observation btw i would have absolutely no room to criticize laz literally lost all of his limbs and his eyes bcs#he died in an explosion not once not twice but SEVERAL times across realities#and then when his alternate forms coalesced into one being the void just split the difference and took Everything away
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Hey so you know how in tgaa families tend to have a symbol, like how the Mikitoba’s have the Sakura flower and the Asogi’s have that shield thing that kinda looks like a flower, which is important bc flowers are so important to the aa series as a whole, at least symbolically. They’re usually used to signify family, either with matching crests or name associations, and what I’m really getting at is that there’s a connection in my brain that went from ‘flowers = family’ and ‘there’s a running joke that the Naruhodō’s don’t know anything about flowers.’
Ryunosuke’s little dlc outfit change is important bc it absolutely covers him in the little four pedaled flower that represents Iris and I don’t think that’s just bc she’s the one that made it. Sholmes is covered in them too, that’s just Iris’ way of saying ‘you’re my family now and now everyone who sees you knows this’, she made them the most noticeable thing about his little mouse doll, whose flower ears match the one she made to represent herself.
This just adds to my conviction that there’s something up with Ryūnosuke and Phoenix when it comes to their family. There’s no pride in being a Naruhodo like there is in behind an Asogi or a Mikotoba. Is there no reason to flaunt his family crest or could there be something more going on there?
Also it was so easy for Susato to go by ‘Ryutaro Naruhodo’, and I think it says something about how close they were that she would chose a name so much like his.
#she could’ve chosen any name and there could’ve been a more logical reason to sound like him but I like being sentimental about it#I mean she already beats him up regularly that is sibling behavior#it’s funny how much flower iconography appears in these lawyer games#the badges are literally based on flowers and they’re just so prevalent#I saw that post about the 7 spider Lilys in phoenixes hospital room#that stuff is so on purpose#anyway iris and Ryuunosuke are so sibling coded that it is unreal#Naruhodos don’t have a family so they always have to build one and it’s always big and weird and queer as hell#ace attorney#the great ace attorney
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Lockwood Manor - Master Suite
I started adding some decor to the master bedroom, and furnished the bathrooms.
#ts4#the sims 4#ts4 build#sims 4 build#ts4 interior#sims 4 interior#dnd extras#I had the build open literally ALL DAY today and was working on it on and off for HOURS. I made quite a bit of progress.#I have a bunch of other pictures but they're either of very unfinished rooms or just not the best pictures so I'll wait to post them.#or just take new ones later.#but I'm very proud of how this build is turning out!!!#I've never made a build this coherent before!!#like with a functional floorplan and all the rooms that a building/house would actually have...#and maybe eventually I'll give it an exterior too... that would be wild wouldn't it?
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“Clóda,” one stone.
“Clóda,” another.
“Fuck sake,” I murmur to myself, then throw a third, bigger one, which smacks off her window so loudly that I’m briefly paralysed with fear that it has broken the glass. Thankfully it hasn’t. She comes out onto the balcony.
“There you are,” she says quietly, peering down at me in her garden as I drop my handful of stones and wipe the dirt on my thighs.
“Yeah, here I am. This is a bit Shakespearean isn’t it?”
“Huh?”
“Like, you know, 'but soft, what light through yonder window breaks…. Defy thy father, refuse thy name', et cetera,” I pause before clarifying, “Romeo and Juliet, no?”
“Oh, I did The Merchant of Venice for my Junior Cert.”
“I thought you’d have still gotten the reference.”
She leans over the balcony to point to a precarious looking trellis against the wall, “If you climb up that thing you’ll be able to reach me.”
“Right,” I say, and press my foot against the flimsy timber to test my weight, “You know I’m like, nearly thirteen stone?”
“You can try.”
“And if I break it?”
“Hmm, try not to,” she suggests.
“Right,” I brace myself by slotting my fingers into a gap between some brick facade on the side of the house and I haul myself onto the trellis, and it groans but doesn’t give. “I’m good, I think I’m good.”
From there it’s not so bad. I nimbly move up the wall, grab hold of the sun room gutters and grab a hold of the balcony railings, where I find myself thrilled in the way a child is, having climbed somewhere he is not supposed to climb, the king of the castle overlooking his vast land, though I can’t really see much in the dark countryside, save a few car headlights in the distance, the lighthouse flashing over the bay.
“Um, here,” Clóda hisses, and I realise I have briefly forgotten my objective, but the rest is easy, I just swing myself over the railing and I’m up.
“Nice that you’ve a balcony,” I comment, “I don't know many other people who have one of these.”
“We built this house a few years ago, and for some reason I wanted a balcony in my room, I don’t know, I was like, ten, and it was a stupid idea because it’s mostly too cold out here to even make use of.”
“Useful now though, huh?”
She tucks her hair behind her ears and bats her eyelashes at me, “yeah I suppose it is.”
She pushes the door open and we creep into her room where the only light is from the glow of the television screen in the corner. It’s clean, very clean with no clutter or clothes lying around, which always freaks me out for reasons that I cannot explain. The idea that a person would have the interest or discipline to keep their bedroom clean is odd. If a person's bedroom is a mirror to the inside of their mind, then the lack of chaos in hers is foreign and unrelatable.
While she switches on a pink fringed bedside light I throw myself down on the neatly tucked duvet just so that I can mess it up a little bit, to mark my territory like some kind of wild dog let loose in a palace. I peer at her CD collection and mess that up too by pulling one out and showing it to her, “Jesse McCartney, huh? You a fan?”
She goes pink and grabs it out of my hand, “Yeah I used to be, I dunno, not so much anymore, I don’t know why I still have that.”
I grab another, “Who are the Jonas Brothers?”
“Oh, they’re-”
“That guy in the middle has a pretty wild haircut, would you fancy me with that?”
“No,” she giggles and takes that CD off me too, then slots them carefully back where they were, “I have some silly stuff, I probably shouldn’t have it all out.”
“Nah, well, look, you have some great stuff here, how ‘bout this? Black Holes and Revelations? I love this album, you know I saw Muse live last year.”
The mattress sinks as she sits next to me, “Really? Was it when they came to Ireland?”
“Nah it was in the states.”
Her eyes flash with intrigue, “like, America?”
“Mm, yeah.”
“That’s so cool.”
“Is it?”
“Yeah, that you just, like, go to America and stuff. I don’t know anybody who’s gone to America yet, and I want to go so badly.”
I shrug, “well you should, then.”
“How often do you go?”
“Not often, I was there last year and then before that…” I try to remember, “I think I was maybe twelve. It takes a long time to get to where I’m going, you know, from here you can only get to New York and then you have to get a connecting flight and all of that,” thinking about the ordeal of it exhausts me, but Clóda is leaning forward in fascination, as hearing the words ‘New York’ come out of my mouth has sent a thrill through her.
“What do you go for?”
“Just to visit family and stuff.”
“You’ve family there?”
“Of course, did you not know that my dad is American?”
She frowns, “Well you sound a little bit American but I thought… I don’t know, really, I thought you were putting it on or something.”
“What, like, for attention?”
“I don’t know,” she shakes her head, impatient, “where do you go?”
“Well… I’ve some family in California and some in New Mexico, which is like, a state in the southwest, kinda wedged between Texas and California, if you can imagine that on a map,” I leave out poor Arizona just to make it easier on her, because nobody here knows what the hell a New Mexico, (‘no, no not Mexico, New Mexico’) is so it’s best to keep it concise.
Clóda is nodding vigorously, “California, like, LA.”
“Kind of. Like, my dad comes from a place called San Bernardino, which is-” I take her wrist and trace a line on the soft skin of her inner arm, “-to the east of LA, say, an hour or two away, depending on the traffic, yeah? And then his family, like his aunts and uncles and their parents, who we used to visit sometimes, they’re living in a place way up north,” I run a gentle trail all the way up to the sleeve of her t-shirt, “to the very tip top of the Sacramento valley in this rugged, gold rush town…” I lift my eyes to her and she’s staring at my hand, following the motion of my finger as I skim the tip of it over her shoulder and across the taut skin of her collarbone. I prepare myself to say more sexy things about the Sacramento river and the rolling hills and the central valley and whatever else I usually bang on about whenever someone asks, but she looks into my eyes and says: “Is there an Abercrombie where you go?”
“Huh?”
“Abercrombie and Fitch.”
I frown, “Yeah?”
“Oh, wow.” She pushes me onto my back and lays on top of me, gazing down at me with fervid glitter in her eyes, “If you go back to America this year, could you buy me something from there?”
I search in her eyes for some sign that she’s joking and determine that she isn’t. She really wants me to do that. “Yep, sure,” I say.
“Ah, that’d be amazing. You know the way they have those bags too? The ones with the black and white pictures of the guys' bodies on them? Well there was a girl in my class who…”
And I zone out and I stop listening to her as she talks about laminating the bags and carrying school books in them, and I wonder if she will even notice the glazed over look in my eyes as I let my eyes unfocus and stare into the middle distance between her and her pastel pink walls and ask myself some serious questions.
Do I like her?
She’s pretty though.
Sure, she’s pretty but is she fun?
She likes Muse.
She’s not even very nice though, is she? She’s said a few weird things in the past.
Yeah but I’ve had sex with her now.
I can’t really stop talking to her or anything, can I? That’d mean I’m a dickhead.
But would I rather be a dickhead or be miserable?
Maybe both outcomes will make me miserable. Maybe I’m just pre-programmed to be a miserable person. Or am I just cursed?
I zone back in for a moment, “...and then Mr. Brennan confiscated all of them, and there was this whole thing where the parents council…” What is happening?
“Uh huh,” I say, “Uh huh… uh huh, what? That’s crazy,” God she is really pretty though, the kind of pretty that’s hard to find, and it’s not like there’s anyone else around, is there? It’d be awkward to stop seeing each other now with two whole weeks left of the summer.
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#lucky boy#is he miserable or just cursed?#I had so much fun doing this chapter agsdhjasg#i built that entire house and only used literally one room oh well#but it's fine#i used to be terrified of building in sims but now it's my fave thing to do so I was fine with it#tw: sex mention
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