#it's like women are being blamed and expected to answer but no the men

[radical-thots]

It’s very telling that Brie Larson was asked the Johnny Depp question but none of the men present were. 

[babygorewhore]

Home Care

Dr. Charlie Mayhew x fem reader.

Charlie Mayhew has to stay over to make sure his patient stays safe. But he’s unable to contain his desire after learning how men have treated you.

This is written for my love @cxrrodedcoffin I hope you enjoy my darling!!! Thank you so much to @xxbimbobunnyxx for helping me out with this love letter!!!!

Warnings! Obsessive behavior! Slight stalking! Oral! Fem receiving! Finger sucking! Bondage! Spitting! Fingering! Spanking! Degrading! Praise! Unprotected sex! Bulge! Rough (?) sex! Incorrect medical terms because I’m not in that field lol.

“I’m not thrilled about being stuck here with you either.” Charlie told you as you examined your nails.

The Doctor leaned against the wall as he watched you. He was giving your sick grandfather overnight care. He admitted to himself that he used to be an asshole in high school. Making fun of you for going into the family inherited business. A mortician.

Charlie just wanted your attention. He always wanted your eyes on him. That’s why he posted pictures of himself at the gym despite his filled schedule. Being a Doctor gave him the opportunity to save lives. Yet, he couldn’t save himself from his obsession with you.

Your apartment had elements of the Macabre and pieces of the world you honored with work. But you still had a brightness to your smile. It wasn’t innocence, you’d had some experience in the dating world.

You always took care of others. A little angel sent above. You didn’t fully forgive him for the past and he didn’t blame you. He worried he’d scare you off if you saw the darkness in him.

Charlie sometimes followed you home. Just because he had to make sure you were safe. Coming into your bedroom while you slept was taking it a bit far a few weeks ago but he just had to see you. Charlie tried to act as if he didn’t know where anything was when he came in.

Your thighs were exposed, the pajama shorts hugging the curves of your hips and the soft shirt exposed the lower part of your stomach. Charlie swallowed, moistening his dry mouth and neared you. He removed his uniform coat. So he’d look like a normal man.

Your fingers tapped away at your screen, indicating that you were texting someone. Angrily.

“What’s wrong?” He questioned. He half expected you to ignore him but instead you sighed.

“I’m sick of this guy. He treats me like shit. I’m telling him off.”

Charlie’s hackles raised at your answer. “How’s he treating you like shit?”

“Guys only care about getting off and leaving. I put up with it too long. But I was lonely.” You rolled your eyes and he blinked rapidly.

“You mean, he just…fucked you and left?” Charlie bit out the sentence, unable to hide the jealousy and you shrugged. “Did he even make you cum?”

His bold words made you sit up straight but he didn’t take them back. You snorted and set your phone down. You crossed your ankles together.

“Nope. Men just want to stick it in and get theirs.”

Charlie’s jaw clenched and he trembled. He adjusted the stethoscope hanging on his neck. “No. Men don’t. Little boys do.”

You rolled your eyes and applied chapstick. You moved your lips and set it back down. “What would you know about that? If you weren’t in college, you were working. Or being a dick.”

“You think I don’t care about making a girl feel good?” He breathed heavily as you positioned yourself further in the chair. Your hands providing balance in the middle and your fingers spread.

“I mean you’re good at your job. But women? Not so much.” Your blatant disregard and ignorance to his activities made him feel crazy.

“You realize I have a in depth knowledge of the human body. I know where to touch. How much pressure to use and how long.” Charlie tugged his lower lip between his teeth as he reached down. Cupping your chin. His thumb swiped your mouth and you parted them.

You sucked his digit, tongue rolling around and he snapped. Charlie hauled you off the chair, tossing you on the plush mattress.

“All those fucking weeks watching you. Trying to keep myself under control,” He groaned as you parted your legs, letting him settle between them. He felt the dampness in your center on his stomach.

“You were stalking me?” You shrieked but a small smirk curved. Charlie snarled and tapped your cheek.

“Open your mouth.” You did, instinctively letting your tongue slightly stick out and he let drool fall past his lips. “God, you’re already obeying me? Like a good little patient?”

Charlie sat up, taking off his shirt and his muscular form highlighted by the LED lights. You looked up at him with half lidded eyes as he took your hand, bringing your fingers to his mouth. Charlie sucked them softly, letting his other palm knead your chest. You arched your back as your pussy fluttered.

His thighs caged you in and he let go of your hand. Your fingers fell out of his mouth and Charlie unfastened his belt. You inhaled sharply as he tied it around your wrists, pinning them to the headboard of the bed.

“You’re gonna lay there and take it. That sweet little cunt is gonna leak from how good this will feel.”

A sinister darkness flickered in his eyes as you mewled at his words. Charlie tugged off your shorts, thick digits snapping the waistband of your panties and he peeled them off. He admired the lace of the fabric and was mesmerized by the sticky middle.

You were so turned on that it hurt. Charlie shoved his pants down, chuckling at the eager sounds you made. His cock slapped his inner thigh. He lowered himself down, his stomach hitting the bed and cupped your ass.

He smelled your scent, his nose nudging your center and groaned. “Selfish little angel. Keeping this pussy from me. Knowing I won’t be able to get enough.”

Charlie laid his tongue flat against your slit, grunting at the taste and he focused kitten licking your clit. His motions were firm and you whimpered. His hold kept you from moving too much, even laying his forearm across your pelvis. He spread your folds apart, exposing more sensitive areas and plunged his tongue inside your needy hole.

You were on fire, jerking from pleasure and Charlie’s dick throbbed. His other hand drifted to find the discarded panties and wrapped them around his shaft. Lazily pumping because he was solely focused on the pretty girl underneath him.

He sucked your clit, gently nipping it and returned to leisurely slurping like an ice cream cone. The heels of your feet dug into his shoulders and he nodded. “Mmm, needed this didn’t you, baby doll? That why you’re so tense all the time?”

You shuddered as he pressed two fingers in you, hitting an even deeper spot and you were almost hysterical. Charlie wanted to make you cum right then and there but he forced himself to hold off for now. He continued finger fucking you and lifted up. Meeting your lips in a messy kiss, making you share the wetness coating his mouth and chin.

Charlie kissed you hard, making your vision go white and ripped himself away. He growled and took hold of his dick. His red tip running against your clit, smearing the arousal and a sadistic pleasure burned him. He loved seeing you whine and cry.

“You want it? Beg.”

“Please fuck me! Please, please, please!” You cried out and he clicked his tongue in ridicule.

“Oh come on, sweetheart. You can do better. That slutty mouth can beg harder than that.” Charlie laughed as you let out chants similar to a prayer.

He slammed into balls deep and you silently went slack for a few seconds. His size was huge and overwhelming despite the prep. You panted and shook your head.

“It’s not gonna fit all the way-“ You said tightly but Charlie jerked his jaw.

“We’re not playing that game. You wanna play dumb and pretend you don’t like how much it hurts? But I’ll fucking make it fit,” He flipped you over on your knees, twisting your arms so your still tied wrists weren’t straining.

Charlie shoved your chest down, slapping your ass so hard it echoed. He pressed into your pussy again, letting his big hands hold your hips as he thrusted into you.

You sounded fucking filthy. Moaning, sobbing and sweating against the pillow as he railed into you. You curled inwards as your orgasm approached you but he shook his head.

“Where you going?” Charlie spanked you harder and separated your ass. He thrusted deeper and felt your slick dripping on his cock.

“Oh god, fuck! F-fuck!” You exclaimed and wailed. He grabbed the back of your hair, yanking you back and caught your lips.

Charlie sucked your pulse point as you bounced on it, laying your head back as you creamed on his dick.

“Bouncing on my cock like the dirty whore you are. You gonna let me fill you up? You want me to cum in your greedy pussy?” He asked in your ear and you moved faster.

Charlie squeezed your tits and let his hand fall to your stomach. He felt the bulge and spilled inside you. Cum burst in your cunt and your second release hit you. You both grunted and you felt tears streaming down your face.

He saw you weren’t going to slow down and twitched from overstimulation. Charlie pulled out, feeling your fluids fall onto the sheets and brought his face back to your pussy.

“You’re gonna let me eat it out of you, huh? God you’re so disgusting.” He followed his statement with shoving his face against you. You had to bite down on your arm to keep from screaming but he wasn’t happy with that.

“No, no, you wanna scream? Then do it.” Charlie ordered. “Or am I gonna have to fuck it out of you again?”

Tagging: @xxbimbobunnyxx @cxrrodedcoffin @userchai @stillwjk-channie-lixie @fear-is-truth @starkeysprincess @starkeysbabygirl @cameronsprincess @oceanblvd111 @titsout4nicholas @webbluvrsugar @glossyseraphim

[queenofallimagines]

Bruce Wayne x Fem reader

Shuffles in nervously 👉🏿👈🏿 hiii

A/N: listen,,, I’ve been writing fic fie the requests and then I was dragged kicking and screaming into Bruce Wayne’s arms. Nothing I love more than a tired depressed Dilf✨ got a lot more things sitting in the drafts because it’s SO good to do a character study on them and Damian is next I think he should have a cool stepmom. Bruce Wayne I can read your mind🗣️

Cw: ambiguous age but not explicable age gap so imagine what you will, the batfam are WEAK to black women but it’s pretty ambiguous in writing, fellow vigilante reader, Bruce is shit at feelings and can’t communicate, Fem reader, Bruce thinks with his dick before his trauma, his kids are nosey as fuck. oh and like mentions of aphrodisiac chemicals used but only once or twice.

Summary: Bruce could only internally groan at his predicament. He wasn’t to say he’s not sure how he got here but he knows exactly how he ended up here. He’s too grown for a one night stand.

Bruce Wayne:

"—told you they stayed the night!"

Bruce wakes to the muffled voices of giggling adolescents. Terrible timing. Dread settles into his gut as his bleary eyes snap open.

Bruce's biggest mistake was bringing you home. Blaming it on the chemicals he and his fellow vigilante crashed into last night would be convenient. But truthfully, both of you consented before those substances burned through your inhibitions, landing you in his king-sized bed, engaging in activities that his hyper-aware mind keeps replaying. Now is not the time to reminisce, not with the voices of his kids echoing outside. He swallows a groan. You'd think he trained all that boyish cheek right out of them, because that is not how one conducts reconnaissance. He'd do the shameful thing and sneak out, but alas, this grand manor belongs to Bruce.

….Maybe he can politely kick you out without incurring Alfred's wrath and enduring hours of lectures on dignity and respect—two things Bruce has little of at the moment. The scent of coffee and toast wafting in from the doorway indicates that Alfred set up a snack cart outside his door—a subtle reminder to behave. Bruce grimaces. Damned Englishmen and their inane concept of manners. Shifting on the bed, he keeps his eyes fixed on your head and not the bare expanse of your skin that he touched. A lot. He left—his dignity won't allow him to call them 'hickeys' because grown men don't do hickeys—various passion marks on your skin.

This time, Bruce can't quite stifle his groan. He's too old for a one-night stand.

"Christ," he grunts quietly, knowing divine intervention won't be coming.

No one said Bruce Wayne ever had a proper love life. Still, he'd take any endless rant from Gordon about Nightwing's countless motor vehicle violations over his children confronting him. At your groan, Bruce's tense shoulders relax slightly. Part of him expected you to be one of those people who woke up ready to take on the world—another reminder of Bruce's age. When you shift, his muscles tense again. Bruce clears his throat, voice gruff. "Morning," he rumbles, before he's tempted to do something less than honorable. The noise, followed by shifting sheets, pulls attention to you stirring. In the soft light, you look soft and relaxed in his bed, like you belong here.

He knows that's a dangerous thought to entertain.

Bruce says and does nothing as your eyes flutter open, blinking blearily and trying to piece together the circumstances of the previous night. He looks at you for a moment, contemplating whether he can get away with offering you money to keep quiet.

“Mmmmorning..”

That yawning stretch is both distracting and endearing. It's unfair. Bruce watches your movements, taking in every detail from the slight dip of your spine to the flutter of eyelashes. It's a sight he'd become intimately acquainted with.

"Sleep well?"

He asks, already knowing the answer. Even if you slept like a log, your body would be sore from being tangled in him all night.

“Mhm.”

If you weren't so drowsy, you'd notice his jaw clench at the sight of the sheets pooling around your hips, exposing your bare chest. Like most things, it's unfairly alluring to Bruce.

"You've got a choice of coffee or orange juice," he says, nodding at the cart a couple steps from the bed. His voice is still gruff.

“Orange juice please.”

Bruce rises from bed, unashamed at his own nakedness. He crosses to the cart, ignoring the faint twinge in his muscles, and pours you a glass of orange juice. A glance back reveals you sitting up against the pillows, wrapped in his sheets like a makeshift toga. He's never seen a more enticing sight in his life. Bruce ignores the impulse to push you back down and take you again.

"Here."

He returns to the bed and offers you the glass.

“Thanks.”

Bruce watches you drink. Another mistake. He can't help imagining how that mouth felt on other places, wrapped around and- Gods. Not the time. He should've given you a robe or something. Those sheets aren't hiding much and your sitting against the pillows has the fabric slipping lower and lower- He clears his throat, trying to rid his mind of dirty thoughts as he sips his coffee.

"You're welcome," he mutters. There's a satisfied, primal part of his soul that preens knowing that you're still in his bed, his sheets draped over you like a claim.

"Did you...have fun last night?"

He cringes almost immediately afterward. Bruce's pillow talk is abysmal.

“what…?”

The events slowly coming back to you, playing behind your eyelids like a movie. A noise of realization leaves your throat as you nod. Under usual circumstances you’d would be embarrassed beyond belief but after having slept so good and still being tired you can’t really find it to care

“oh yeah. I did. ‘t was ‘fuckin amazing.”

Bruce can't help it when his lips curve in response to your praise. You're still in his bed, still wrapped in his sheets, and now telling him he was amazing in bed—damn his ego for being so smug.

"Mm, I'm glad," he hums, taking another sip of coffee. He sets the cup on the bedside table and leans back against the pillows, eyeing you appreciatively.

"Are you... sore anywhere?"

“Nah, just all over.” Bruce can't help the satisfied smirk that crosses his face at your answer. Knowing he left you in a state of boneless bliss has that primal part of him preening again, like a pleased cat.

"Good," he murmurs, a hint of male pride in his voice as he gazes at you. "It... wasn't too much, was it?" Bruce swallows thickly, the urge to touch you growing. The kids are just outside the door. He shouldn't. He won't.

But maybe he can have just a little taste.

“It was, but in all the ways I like it so you’re good.”

Bruce can't stop the quiet groan that rumbles in his throat at your admission. You look a bit like a fallen angel, all debauched hair and sleepy eyes. The sight is almost too much for his self-control, more than you realized. He shifts subtly, adjusting himself under the sheets.

"I suppose that's a good thing, then."

He keeps his tone even, casual, but his gaze is hot and intense as he drinks you in. Bruce's gaze darkens at your answer. If it weren't for the kids and Alfred, he'd be on you in a heartbeat, pressing you into the bed, and leaving marks all over you that claim you as-- His jaw ticks at the possessive thoughts. No. Not the time. Later.

"Good," he repeats, voice gruff. Still, he makes no move to leave the bed. "You... don’t have anywhere to be?"

Bruce already knows the answer. It's a Saturday, after all.

“Aside from the mission last night my schedule is fully clear to my knowledge.”

Bruce nods in understanding, taking another sip of coffee. The image of your previous mission- that you both stumbled into- flashes in his mind: chemicals, a haze of lust, the taste of you on his lips. He pushes the memories aside as his gaze flicks to your exposed shoulder, then back to your face.

"So you can stay for breakfast," he says, keeping his voice steady even as he desperately fights the urge to pull the sheets off you and devour you. "Alfred is making pancakes."

“Mmm, I haven’t spoken to him in a while it will be nice to see his face again.”

Bruce's smile is a subtle, soft thing as you mention Alfred. The older man has served as a sort of parental figure in Bruce's life. Alfred and Bruce are like family, and hearing you mention his name sparks a warm sense of familiarity.

"He'll be happy to see you."

Bruce hesitates for a moment, a flicker of vulnerability in his gaze. "Do you... want to get up?" he asks, his meaning clear: ‘or do you want to stay in bed a bit longer?’

“….Not gunna lie I’d rather stay in bed a little longer. It’s so warm and comfortable the thought of getting up and putting on clothes sounds like torture.”

Bruce gives an almost imperceptible sigh of relief as you speak. Part of him expected you to get up the minute he mentioned getting dressed. But you don't. You didn’t. You want to stay in bed, and you have no idea how happy you just made him. With a smirk, Bruce reaches out, sliding his hand under the sheet, and grabs your hip, pulling you closer. He doesn't miss the way the fabric slides farther down your torso, revealing more tantalizing skin.

"You are very articulate in the morning."

“Mmm I’m like barely awake right now honestly. Less of a filter or any sort of shame.”

Bruce smirks at your admittance. You're clearly still half asleep, your guard down, and more unfiltered than he expected.

"You're normally more stoic, less open," he muses, tracing his fingers lightly over your hip. "I like it. It's refreshing."

His eyes take in every inch of skin visible to him, making a mental note of the various passion marks he left behind. It makes him want to see how far down they go.

“I’m more relaxed now. And in a hell of a good mood.”

Bruce chuckles, the sound deep and rich. His hand continues to explore your skin, mapping every curve and contour with gentle, yet possessive touches. His thumb brushes over a mark on your skin, and his gaze darkens a fraction.

"And whose fault is that?" he muses, his voice a low rumble, the sound more intimate without the Batman modulator.

“Yours obviously. Haven’t felt this sore in a while. didn’t know I needed an attitude adjustment that bad.”

Bruce's smirk spreads into a wolfish smile as you mention your soreness. A sense of pride swells in his chest. Knowing he made you feel so good last night that your entire body aches from it makes that possessive part of him purr.

Bruce's touch wanders to your thigh, his hand trailing higher and higher up your skin, his eyes fixed on yours as he speaks:

"I’d be happy to give you another one."

“Yeah? jeez going to tire me out before it’s even noon? Didn’t really expect that from you, B.”

Bruce’s expression is somewhere between a cocky smile and an affectionate smirk. It's almost like he's challenging you. The way you say his nickname in such a low, sultry tone is driving him insane. He continues stroking your skin, his fingers tracing a path up the inside of your thigh.

"If it gets you moaning and crying my name again," he murmurs, his voice dropping in register, "then I think it’s worth it. Besides..."

Bruce's other hand reaches out, his fingers gently grasping your chin as he looks you in the eye.

"You underestimate me.” he rumbles, his hand still stroking your thigh. "I have excellent stamina."

“Ooh wow just like that huh? Ready to go in the morning again? Can’t even enjoy the next morning soreness before you need to start all over again. I won’t be able to walk downstairs to breakfast if you’re that insatiable….Never expected you to be the frisky type. Aside from the sexual tension breaking in the air last night I never got that vibe from you.”

Bruce laughs lowly in response, his hand still tracing over your skin. The sound vibrates through his chest. When your hair falls into your eyes, he gently moves it out of your face. He watches you through half-lidded eyes, his gaze dark and intense. Your words make him smile, and he leans closer, his thumb brushing over your jaw.

"You're a tease," he murmurs, his voice a low rumble. "You have no idea how much restraint it's taking me not to flip you over and show you just how frisky I can be..."

“Lord, don’t say that. My insides are getting flashbacks.”

Bruce’s laugh is sultry and almost sinister. Your words only feed his hunger. You’re right in front of him, skin bare and marked by his mouth, and still he can’t touch you the way he wants. The way he craves. He can’t give in. Not now. His lips brush over your neck, his breath warm against your skin.

"Mmm,” he purrs, nipping at your pulse point. "I can still taste you. All over my mouth. It's driving me feral."

“Jesus Christ B. You sure those weird chemicals we got hit with aren’t still in effect?.”

Bruce smirks against your neck, his teeth grazing over your pulse point. His hand continues to stroke your skin, his touch like a caress. His voice is low and rough with desire:

"I can promise you, it's all me."

He nips at your earlobe before pulling back, his gaze roaming over your marked body. He wants to add more. Leaving you marked, bruised, sore…

“With you talking like this, it’s a wonder we made it back here last night.”

Bruce releases a low, dark chuckle at your comment. The memory of last night, of stumbling into the manner, shedding clothes and tearing at each other’s skin, flashes in his mind. He doesn’t reply immediately, instead leaning down to press open-mouthed kisses up your neck. His voice is a warm, gruff whisper against your skin:

"It was a close thing, I won't lie."

“It still feels unreal almost, but you’ve got that same look in your eye you did last night. starving. I didn’t think my teasing would make you snap like that not gunna lie.”

Bruce hums against your skin, his lips trailing over your shoulder. The way you tease him is going to be the death of him. The sounds of your chuckles only add fuel to the fire. He can still feel the ghost of your nails digging into his skin, your moans echoing in his ears. He pulls back, eyes dark and glittering as he speaks.

"It took a lot of control, trust me," he says, his voice a low rumble. "If it were up to me, we never would have left that lab."

“Pfft, if it were up to you we’d never leave this bed.”

Bruce chuckles, his hand continuing to roam over your skin. The thought of spending hours, days, in bed with you is incredibly tempting, but he can't. The kids are right outside, and Alfred is waiting in the kitchen. Besides, he has work to do. He sighs, his thumb tracing a lazy circle on your thigh.

"I'd love to stay here forever," he admits, his voice low and rough, “But I'm afraid there are other responsibilities to attend to."

“There usually is-…. There are children behind that door.”

Bruce hears the hushed giggles and whispers on the other side of the door. He knows exactly what’s going on. He can feel the kids’ heartbeats through the wood, like a bat detecting its prey. They’re excited, curious. And they’ve likely been listening for the past hour despite him doing his best to keep his voice low to mask the conversation. Bruce sighs, his shoulders slumping slightly as he acknowledges the reality.

"Yes," he says, his voice dry. He glances at the door, then back to you. “There are kids behind that door.”

“I guess we have to get up then. Wonder if I can actually find all my clothes…”

Bruce’s lips twitch into a smirk at the thought of your clothes. His eyes trail over your naked form, taking in every tantalizing inch, then glance down to the floor. There is a trail of crumpled clothes leading to the bed. No doubt, you’ll have to walk through the minefield of evidence at some point if you want to get dressed. He sighs, sitting up in bed.

"Considering how fast we undressed, I’d say it’s going to be difficult.” He chuckles.

“Yeah I bet.”

Bruce’s eyes rake over your naked form, unabashedly appreciating the view as the sheets fall away. God, you’re beautiful. He has to force himself to look away before he snaps, ripping the sheets off the bed and pinning you back down. His voice is a gruff rumble as he responds.

"No fair," he mutters, reluctantly sitting up on the edge of the bed, his back to you as he tries to reign in his need to touch you all over again.

Chuckling you glance over your shoulder at him as you pick up your costume and start putting some pieces back on.

“Hey,don’t start pouting now. I agreed to stay for breakfast yeah? Can’t get rid of me that easily Bruce.”

His name rolls off your tongue teasingly. It had definitely been a surprise to find out Batman was Bruce Wayne last night but in the haze of trying to rip each others close off the surprise was lost. Even now looking at him like this you can’t help but see Batman and want to tease him. Saying his name felt forbidden in a way,making you want to say it more.

“Anyway, you should get dressed too.”

Bruce's shoulders tense slightly at the sound of his name falling from your lips. Hearing you say it is an odd juxtaposition. At this moment, sitting on his bed, he is Bruce Wayne, but the mention of his name has hints of Batman, Gotham, the mask. He glances over his shoulder at you as you get dressed. Bruce bristles at your teasing tone, his hands clenching into fists in his lap. The way you say his name in that sultry tone makes him want to throw everything aside and drag you back into that bed. But he doesn’t. He stays sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to you, his eyes fixed on the floor. He takes a deep breath before responding, his voice low and rough.

"Trust me, the last thing I want is to get rid of you.” he mutters, his jaw clenching. “I’m getting dressed.”

Bruce listens to the sound of clothing rustling, his back still to you. Part of him resents the fact that you’re getting dressed, leaving him here alone. He watches as you put on your clothes, covering up the marks he left on your skin. It sends a primal pulse of possessiveness through him. But he resists the urge to reach out and pull you back into his lap, or at the very least, make sure his mark is still clear on your neck. His jaw clenches as he speaks:

"I’m surprised they haven’t tried to barge in yet.”

“Hah! Even in a drug induced haze of lust I still remembered to lock the door. I wasn’t about to take that chance.”

Bruce huffs out a quiet laugh, a small smile on his lips. You’re as smart as you are beautiful. Locking the door was a wise decision. If you hadn’t, the kids would have been listening to a very different conversation for the past hour. He glances over his shoulder at you, taking in your now clothed form. It seems less appealing now that you’ve covered up the results of their night together.

"Impressive," he rumbles. You had the presence of mind to do that? While his brain was full of nothing but the smell and taste of you? He almost finds it adorable that you think you have such self-control. His lips twitch with a smirk, his voice a low rumble:

"You definitely have more control than I do."

“Once you have a situation happen like that once the anxiety never lets you forget. And doing it inconspicuously while not ruining the mood just was dumb luck on my part.”

Bruce snorts, a chuckle escaping his lips. You’re not wrong. One time was enough to learn that lesson. He knows that from experience. He should be grateful that you’re more reasonable than he is. It’s no wonder things with his previous conquests always ended the way they did. There’s a long, heavy silence as Bruce considers his next words. Instead Bruce sighs, standing up from the bed. He stretches his arms over his head, his bare chest on full display for you. He can feel the marks you left on his skin, stinging slightly in the air. He smirks at the memory of your nails raking down his back. He’s going to have a hard time keeping his hands off you in front of the kids, especially now that he’s had a taste of how good you feel. He groans quietly, running a hand through his messy hair.

“What’s up? I can tell you’re thinking thoughts with that look in your eye. Say whatever it is you’re thinking so hard about.”

Bruce notices your stare, the way your eyes drink in every inch of his exposed flesh. He doesn’t miss the way your eyes linger on his body, appreciating the view. His lips twitch into a smirk, a flash of possessiveness coursing through him. But he’s snapped out of his thoughts as you ask your question. He knows exactly what you’re asking. He looks at you, his gaze intense. He’s thinking of all the things he wants to do to you, all the ways he wants to touch you. But instead of saying any of that, he simply responds with a low hum. He should be grateful that you’re more reasonable and straightforward than he is. It’s no wonder things with his previous conquests always ended the way they did. There’s a long, heavy silence as Bruce considers his next words. He finally speaks, his voice a low rumble, his back still to you:

"You… You didn’t expect to see me again after this, did you?”

“Eh? I… don’t know what you mean?? We work together as vigilantes so it would be kinda stupid not to mention difficult to avoid you especially when you could find me anywhere I managed to hide in Gotham. You’re not exactly easy to run from. Even if it was some awkward tension i wouldn’t let that stop me from doing my job. I feel like that’s a dumbass question even for you B.”

Bruce clenches his jaw at your response. He knows you’re right. Working together as vigilantes would make it near impossible to avoid each other, especially in a city like Gotham. And even if you did manage to run, he’d find you. His eyes are narrowed as he looks at you, studying your nonchalant expression. He can’t tell if you’re being oblivious on purpose or if you’re just dense. His eyes searching your face for any hint of… something. What? He doesn’t know. But the way you answer his question with such plain honesty throws him for a loop. Usually, the women he sleeps with would want to forget about him. It was less messy that way. But here you are, talking about the work you do together like a conversation about the weather. Either way, his tone is a little sharper than he intends when he speaks.

“You’re not getting what I’m hinting at.”

“Please elaborate then because I didn’t understand that at all.”

Bruce huffs, rubbing a hand over his face in frustration. You’re being intentionally obtuse. It’s pissing him off, yet he can’t stop the surge of jealousy and possessiveness that he feels towards you. You’re still standing there, looking at him like you don’t understand what he’s saying. Part of him wants to grab you and push you against the wall, to make sure you understand his point clearly. But he doesn’t. You’re forcing him to be direct, to be open and explicit, and he doesn’t like feeling this vulnerable. He turns to face you fully, his arms crossing over his chest. His eyes are intense as he looks at you, his voice a low, tense rumble:

“You didn’t expect to still be speaking to me after tonight, at least not for anything other than work-related business. Right?” He lets out a long sigh, struggling to keep his voice even as he tries to make you understand.

He can just barely make out you tensing up in surprise for a second before shifting your weight to the other foot, expression not giving anything away.

‘You resist the urge to grit your teeth or give away any other actions on how you’re really feeling. It’s silent for a second before you exhaustedly roll your eyes.’

“Do we run into each other at all outside of work? I’m not changing my schedule.”

You’re internally sighing at the back of your mind. You’ve know better than to push against his typical self sabotaging nature. If he was going to push you away. You’d let him until he eventually comes back before the guilt of his actions eat him alive. You have seen him do it enough times to the people around him including the justice league and his kids. Mindful not to start an argument with his kids having their ears pressed up against the door probably trying their best to hear despite you both speaking lowly. You respond back in an equally sharp none keeping an air on nonchalance to mask the hurt.

Bruce clenches his jaw, a mix of frustration and jealousy coursing through him. You’re being infuriatingly stubborn, just like usual. He knows he should back down, let it go. But he can’t. Your words are like a barbed wire around his heart, tightening the more you speak. Your nonchalant attitude is irritating the hell out of him but also causing a wave of desire to shoot through him. How badly he wants to reach out and press you against the wall, to make you understand. But he doesn’t. Is it this annoying for others when he close’s himself off?

“No. You’re right, we don’t-“

“So then that answers your question. Wow you sure do overcomplicate everything.”

Your response only pisses him off more. He wants to grab you and shake you, to make you understand the point he’s trying to make. Yet, a part of him is surprised, impressed, and amused by your stubbornness. It’s just like you to take everything he says literally and not get the hint. His eyes narrow, a hint of annoyance and humor in his tone:

“You’re being deliberately obtuse. Don’t play dumb. It’s not a good look.”

“Boy, If you don’t speak plainly and make your point already.”

Bruce scowls back at you, not backing down from your glare. A part of him wants to back down, to avoid a fight. But the more stubborn part of him, the part that wants you to understand, won’t budge. He lets out an annoyed huff, his voice low and intense:

“I meant that, after tonight, I wouldn’t expect to see you again - on a personal level. As in-” He hesitates, struggling to find the right words. “Not just for ‘work related business.’ ”

“Wait you- Jesus Christ you are needlessly confusing and it’s so aggravating. That wasn’t my intentions at all. Like not even a little bit. At what point did you come to this conclusion in your own brain if I never said anything like that? I know your ass can’t read minds so who gave you this information? Because it’s wrong.”

Bruce scowls, his irritation peaking, his body tensing under your glare. His eyes narrow, the sharp edges of his jaw clenching. He’s annoyed by your stubbornness, by your inability to see what he’s trying to say. Your frustration makes his heart ache and his irritation flare. But your question catches him off guard. He doesn’t think before he speaks.

“No one had to give me that information. It’s just logical. How many of your one night stands do you see again afterwards?”

“Do you think you’re the same as them?? because this is a vastly different situation if you haven’t noticed.”

Bruce’s eyes narrow further at your response, his irritation growing. Part of him knows you’re right, that this situation is different. But his doubts and insecurities are flaring up, causing him to be more defensive and closed off than usual.

“It’s still a one-night stand, isn’t it? They usually end up not talking afterwards for a reason.”

“Bruce. This isn’t a regular one night stand. You’re jumping to hella conclusions, because I’m already thinking of the next time I can wake up in your bed.”

Bruce freezes, his body tensing at your words. He’s caught off guard by your bluntness, but also secretly pleased, excited even. He can feel something stirring in his stomach at the thought of you wanting to be in his bed again. He tries to hide it with a scowl, to keep himself under control. But your statement makes him want to grab you, to feel your body against his again. He doesn’t want you to see how much he’s affected by your words, so he grunts gruffly:

“Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“Aawww, don’t go shutting me out now! We just had a lovely night together followed by a soft morning after. Don’t start getting scared of being vulnerable now. I’ve already seen every inch of you nothing left to hide from me, love.”

Bruce huffs in irritation, his scowl deepening. He knows you’re right - you’ve already seen him in his most vulnerable state. His body, his scars, the pain and pleasure he’s felt in your arms. But he can’t shake off the feeling of vulnerability, of baring his soul to you. It’s not something he does lightly.

“I’m not scared, I’m being practical. It’s not healthy to get emotionally attached.”

“Ugh and here you go with that again. Humans aren’t meant to just go through life alone superhero or otherwise. It’s okay to admit you care about people. And too bad I’ve already gotten attached. After my attitude adjustment I’m going to be in the most pleasant mood for the next 5 business days.”

Bruce glares at you, his irritation growing with your nonchalant attitude. He’s frustrated by your stubbornness, your damnable optimism. He wants to push back, to make you understand the danger of getting attached. But your words cause his heart to skip a beat, his chest tighten with emotion. He clenches his jaw, struggling to keep himself in control.

“This isn’t a joke. Relationships don’t work for me. I can’t afford the risk-“

“Blah blah blah. Yeah, I know and I’m not letting your paranoia self sabotage yet again. Go ‘head and schedule me in for 11:30 on Tuesday by the way. You can’t escape me or my affections, not that I was stingy in giving it to you anyway.”

Bruce lets out a frustrated huff, his scowl deepening at your dismissive wave. How easily you just brush off his concerns, ignore his past experiences. He doesn’t want to admit how much he’s tempted to give in to you. To hold you against him, to taste your skin again, to feel your body writhing under his touch.

“It’s not paranoia, it’s experience. It’s logic, practicality. The city need-.”

“The city needs you to get laid. You think people wouldn’t immediately vouch for Batman to get his dick wet?? Like why jinx it? You and your annoyingly exhausting self sabotage destructive tendencies are truly tiring for everyone around you to constantly be the victim of. And then you feel guilt which makes you repeat the cycle all over again. You deserve to be happy too?? Not sure anyone’s told you that before.”

Bruce’s irritation turns to frustration as you list off his flaws. As if he’s not fully aware of his own issues, as if he doesn’t hate himself for them. As if it’s a choice. He clenches his jaw, his body tensing further as you continue your lecture.

“You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t know I’m the one that causes problems, that hurts people? You think I’m not living with the guilt every goddamn day?”

“Yeah and it’s making you go through this exhausting cycle. Allow me to at the very least snap you out of that for a while. Normalcy would be good for you….Also me and Alfred have been talking about you needing it for ages now-“

Bruce’s irritation immediately turns to surprise and embarrassment as you mention Alfred. Of course Alfred would be behind this. He can’t help but wonder what you’ve been saying to him and what you’ve been scheming. The thought of you two talking about his personal life causes his heart to skip.

He scowls, his voice frustrated, defensive, and mildly defensive as he crosses his arms over his chest:

“What exactly do you two talk about?”

“You and your shenanigans.”

Bruce lets out a huff, his irritation growing once more. It’s bad enough that you’re pushing his boundaries and questioning his decisions. But the fact you’ve been talking to Alfred about it, that you’re both ganging up on him behind his back, makes him feel outnumbered, vulnerable.

He glares at you, a mix of frustration and vulnerability evident in his voice:

“I do not have ‘shenanigans’.”

“Yes the hell you do. Also do you like dark blue? Or black better?”

Bruce’s scowl deepens at your persistence. He doesn’t like being ganged up on, and now you’re talking about colors? He looks at you, slightly bemused, still frustrated but also curious.

“What does it matter to you what color I prefer? How did that even come up in conversation?”

“Because I’m thinking of what to wear for Tuesday. So what color?”

Bruce’s irritation eases slightly at your question. He’s momentarily thrown off guard by the realization that you’re already planning for the next time you see each other. He looks you up and down, taking in your appearance, his gaze lingering on your curves longer than it should.

“Black.” he grunts out, trying to hide the hint of desire in his voice.

“Got it.”

Bruce swallows, his gaze not leaving your body. He notices the way your curves fit your clothes, the way your muscles move under your skin. He can barely restrain himself from wanting to reach out, pull you close, and feel your body pressed against his again. His voice is low, a hint of desire in it as he speaks:

“Why are you even asking me about colors?”

“Because. I want to wear nice lingerie under my clothes so I figured I’d ask what color before I go choose an outfit myself.”

Bruce’s heart skips a beat, his body tensing at your words. The image of you in black lace under your clothes is almost too much for him to handle. He swallows, trying to keep his composure but almost failing.

He scowls, trying to hold on to his stubborn resistance, his voice gruff and strained:“Why do you care what I think?”

“Huh? Because if I’m going to show up to get fucked stupid I want to at the very least look nice.”

Bruce lets out a huff of frustration, his annoyance returning in full force. He can practically hear the eye roll in your voice. How are you so damn confident and stubborn at the same time? It drives him crazy.

“You always look nice. You don’t need to wear fancy lingerie or anything for me.”

“Yes, but I rarely have a reason to wear them so let me have this and just enjoy it when you see it. And thank you.”

Bruce rolls his eyes, still trying to resist giving in to you. But the image of you in black lace is still stuck in his mind. It’s making it increasingly more difficult to not act on his desire for you.

“Fine. I’ll look forward to it. But don’t get too cocky just because one night together went well.”

“I’m confident the next night will be equally if not more electrifying.”

Bruce lets out a huff, his irritation fading once more. Your confidence and stubbornness are exhausting, but he can’t deny they’re also endearing. He’s starting to question his own resistance to this situation.

“Cocky, aren’t you?” he grumbles softly. His heart is beating too fast for comfort, his thoughts swirling with images of you, bare and writhing under him in lace.

“Absolutely. If you think I can’t feel your eyes burning a hole through clothes from here you’re dead wrong.”

Bruce doesn’t answer immediately. He’s caught, guilty as charged. His gaze has indeed been roaming over your body, taking in every curve, every muscle. He can’t deny he wants you again, badly. Your confidence just makes him want you even more, and it’s driving him crazy. He scowls, pretending to look away as if he wasn’t just mentally stripping you with his eyes.

“Shut up.”

“mhm, let’s go get breakfast. I’m actually hungry now and teasing children will not deter my stomach.”

Bruce grunts, still a little flustered and frustrated with your confidence and stubbornness. But he admits that he’s a little hungry too.

“Fine. We can go to the kitchen. The brats will be there and we’ll have to deal with their stupid comments.”

He stands and starts heading out of his room, with you following behind him.

“And quit calling them children. They’re like 18-26 years olds.”

“And yet they were outside the door giggling and whispering like 7 year olds.”

Yeah, this will be a long morning indeed..

This was the cute version. The other versions is longer and Bruce fucks you like a man possessed😔✊🏿 wasn’t sure if I should post that one or this so here’s a little snippet of that:

“Mkay…. next time leave it in when we go to sleep. Feels ‘snicer that way.”

Jesus Christ-.

Bruce's breath hitches, a low growl slipping past his lips before he can stop it. He forces himself to focus on your sleepy glance, watching you nuzzle into his chest like a content puppy.

He shifts his body, trapping your hips with one muscled thigh, his grip on your hip tightening.

His voice is roughened, filled with desire.

"That an invitation, sweetheart?"

“mhm. You can do it even when I’m asleep I trust you.”

Christ, you're going to be the death of him.

Your sleepy admission to trust him makes his chest ache, a pang of something he refuses to acknowledge hitting him right there. You sound like you mean it, too. Bruce lets a low, strangled moan slip, nuzzling your hair and wrapping his free arm around your middle.

He presses a kiss to the top of your head, his hand going even lower, possessive and greedy.

"Can I, right now?"

“Yeah.”

God.

He’s going to start calling you a vixen instead of sweetheart, with those bold little words. Every breath of yours against him feels like a flame to the gunpowder that’s his body. He lets out a hoarse sound, part of him still in disbelief that this is happening.

“You drive me insane,” he grumbles, his low voice filled with unbridled desire. But even after everything, even after a night of letting instincts take over, a night of being completely open and vulnerable with someone, Bruce hesitates.

He needs for you to be sure, for you to want this, even if you’re only half awake.

He keeps his hand on your hip, his other hand gently tilting your chin up so he can look at you, his eyes meeting yours.

“Tell me you want this, sweetheart. Tell me you want me.”

“Bruce if you don’t fill me up and stop waking me up from sleeping I’m going to be real irritated.”

His breath hitches. Hard.

Bruce grits his teeth as he growls, feeling the last of his self-control drain away. He can’t hold in his possessive desire anymore, not with you looking up at him, needy for him.

He’s not a good man, he might even be a bad man. But you look at him like he’s your everything, and it drives him over the edge. His grip on your hip tightens, his breath hot against your ear.

“Can’t have you irritated, sweetheart.”

His voice is deep, roughened, the sound of it sending shivers down your spine.

He grabs your leg, slinging it further up against his body. His eyes are dark, nearly feral as he kisses right below your ear, his teeth nipping your skin. His voice is deep, roughened, the sound of it sending shivers down your spine.

“I’m gonna take care of you, sweetheart. Gonna make sure you feel good.”

He tightens his grip on your hip, his other hand tilting your chin up. His lips brush your ear as he growls between ragged breaths,

“Close your eyes, sweetheart. I’ll make you feel good .”

“Bruce’s heart clenches at your sleepy little nod. How did he end up here, this morning, in bed with you, feeling more real than he has in years? He doesn’t know, but he’s not going to question it.

He tightens his grip on your hip, his other hand tilting your chin up. His lips brush your ear as he growls between ragged breaths, “Close your eyes, sweetheart. I’ll make you feel good.”

Your surrender, even in your sleepy state, makes his chest tight. He can’t remember the last time he’s felt this wanted.

He presses his lips against your skin, leaving a trail of kisses across your jaw, your neck, your collarbone.

“Good girl. Stay just like that.”

His hands glide and roam across your body, touching and caressing you, wanting to re-familiarize himself with the curves of every inch of you. He’s possessive, a bit rough, even. He needs to remember every inch. He needs to touch you, to make sure you’re real and not a mere dream that’ll disappear the moment he wakes up. His mouth never strays far from your skin, as if starved for the taste of you. He’s almost feverish in his desire, his hands and mouth working to find every sensitive spot that makes your breath hitch and your body arch. He’s hungry, needy, desperate to keep you in his arms, to make everything else fade away besides the feeling of your skin against his.

Feeling a familiar ache in his core he sucks more bruises into your skin. keeping your leg resting where it is he shudders as he reaches down to press into you. an unholy sound crawls out of his throat as his entire body shudders. it feels like his entire body is engulfed in flames and he doesn’t mind burning up. Biting down on his lip hard as he feels you react in your sleep, he distracts himself with kissing your scalp and holding you close. He can’t comprehend how you’re so cute and So sinful hair a mess on his pillows and you dead asleep.

His teeth leave dark marks on your skin, claiming you as his. His fingers dig into your hip, holding you close, anchoring himself to you as the fire burns hot between his legs. He can hear his heartbeat in his ears, the sound of your name on his lips like a prayer.

“I can’t… I need…” He doesn’t even finish his sentence. He just moans, low and guttural, his breathing ragged and rough. His teeth leave dark marks on your skin, claiming you as his. His fingers dig into your hip, holding you close, anchoring himself to you as the fire burns hot between his legs. He can hear his heartbeat in his ears, the sound of your name on his lips like a prayer.

“You’re so good, sweetheart. So perfect. So goddamn mine, whether you realise it or not.”

He nuzzles your hair, his eyes closed as he relishes the feeling of your warmth against him. He nuzzles your hair, his eyes closed as he relishes the feeling of your warmth against him.

[ozzgin]

hi! I'm the anon who said that Daitou is my #1 sweetheart, and I saw your post talking about time-skip Daitou kind in dilf vibes... I'm interested, take all of my money right now !!

also wondering how Daitou would react with a darling who wants kids 💭💭 imagine of she is having a hugeee baby fever ( not me projecting whattt)

Turning this into a general "Would the yakuza men want children?" and other bedroom habits. There's a more detailed answer for Daitou here. Content: female reader (pregnancy talk), mildly NSFW, fluff

You may think of Boss as old-fashioned, but he's seen a fair amount of depravity back in the day. Before gambling was deemed illegal in Japan, he'd owned several casinos in big districts like Ginza and Kabukichō, and consequently spent a lot of time in various parlors. Unlike many of his men, however, he never really cared much for adult entertainment. In his drunken rants he used to say that women would be his downfall, and no one would want to be involved with him, anyways.

He might be into you calling him daddy, although you should expect a lot of dad jokes to go with it. He’s a silly old man like that. Could be interested in shibari, because it takes a lot of patience and skill and he’d probably enjoy taking his time and gazing at you after each knot. It’s quiet and intimate, and he gets to tease you about it afterwards, especially if it’s an arrangement to go under your clothes. “What’s the matter, (Y/N) love? Tongue tied?”

His recurring humor around his age makes you wonder if he’d even be interested in children. When you finally bring up the topic, Boss is very casual about it. “Sure”, he’ll say with a grin, “whatever the missus wants.” You suspect he’s not taking you seriously, but after settling you on his lap and having a hearty laugh about it, he’ll conclude, this time with confidence: “Have a look outside this room. See all those rascals? I raised them! Ya think I can’t handle a bunch of kids?”

Daitou can be surprisingly (and unintentionally) kinky, especially if you encourage him to. He’ll apologize the day after for being too rough, even if you tell him it's fine and you quite literally asked for it (See Valentine's Day incident). Overall, though, I’d say it depends entirely on you. He can be dominant or submissive, according to your wishes. You can go all out with him, he’s sturdier than most and takes great pride in it. If you’re into more extreme hobbies like knife play, you’re certainly in good hands.

Daitou lives in the moment and hasn't really planned too far ahead. Such is the life of a yakuza: you never know when you might lose a limb or more in the next gang fight. He's therefore quite surprised by your proposal of having children in the future. Is it even something realistic for someone like him? On the other hand, it's hard to refuse that enthusiastic smile you're flashing at him each time the topic comes up. "Do you, uh...", he begins one day while looking at baby toys in the store. He fidgets with his prosthetic eye nervously. "Do you really think I'd make a good dad? Heh."

Kazuya can be quite kinky and loves teasing you in public about it. Last time you were hanging out with him and his underlings, you happened to pass by a park bench you'd recently used during your nightly strolls together. “This location is familiar”, he’ll hum with a smirk. “Isn’t this where we…ah. Nevermind.” Despite your frequent protests, he always struggles to keep his mouth shut. Can you really blame him for wanting to brag to others? You're an undeniable catch.

"Kids?" he repeats with a raised eyebrow. Good question, although something he's considered many times already. What, you thought he wouldn't notice your curious glances whenever some woman walks by with a baby stroller? He pretends to ponder your suggestion and declares after a long moment: "Well, you'd certainly make a great milf, and I obviously can't have anyone else do the honors." He picks you up with a mischievous grin on his face. "When do we start?"

[Main Story] | [More Yakuza]

[femsolid]

Sometimes I answer to someone commenting on a post of mine and they respond with the most idiotic and out of touch response and I'm like oh yeah, there are men on this website I forgot. I just keep assuming I'm talking with women so I expect a meaningful exchange with intelligent arguments and advices and keep getting shocked by weird sociopathic responses that make me remember that men exist. It's the tone, the writing as if their feelings are facts, the systematic gaslighting, the over-explaining because they assume you know less than they do, this baby tyrant attitude, just looking around distributing judgement and imaginary punishments, the victim blaming and the overused talking points we've heard our entire lives because their personalities are interchangeable. Robots. That's what it feels like. Like talking to a robot. Genuinely. I feel like my intelligence is being insulted just reading their mediocre thoughts and opinions. And they have thoughts and opinions about everything don't they? Blah blah blah. Beep beep beep. Someone pulls the plugs on those robots for goodness sake.

[nayatarot777]

Unpopular opinion:

Pride and ego is NOT a bad thing when you correct it and when you build it healthily. There’s a reason why so many women are willing to act like someone they’re not, let a man tell them who they can and can’t be, etc. Who in tf are you in this world? YOU control the answer to that question. And the longer you don’t know who you are, the longer you’ll be manipulated, moulded, and played into being someone else for someone who doesn’t even love you for you. Your ego is your protector. Hence why it’s a natural part of childhood development, around the ages when you get more social interaction with the outside world. So if you’re walking around without much of an ego, you’re walking around with little to no protection. That’s the equivalent to living in a house without locks. Or leaving your car unlocked at all times. Does that sound smart to you? And could you be surprised when you’re an easy victim for others to invade your space and take from you? No. You couldn’t. So for those of you who lack ego and pride and are always taken advantage of: what tf are you surprised or shocked about? You’re literally allowing yourself to step out into the world unprotected. Despite knowing how dangerous the world can be. You’re not a perpetual victim to life. Life/God doesn’t hate you. You’re just a vulnerable person who has, for some reason, kept yourself vulnerable in a place full of danger. Can you be surprised when people view you as someone who’s easy to take advantage of and use? No. And don’t mistake this for being blamed for other peoples actions. That’s on them. But you definitely can be blamed yourself for your actions (or lack thereof), such as: NOT putting in boundaries, NOT protecting yourself, CHOOSING to keep yourself vulnerable.

With that being said, how can someone “love you, for you” when there is no core “you” to show them? And that’s exactly what your ego is. Who you are as a human being that you show to the world. It’s your strengths that you put on the forefront when you’re manoeuvring through life. It’s also a fraction your authentic self as a human being - hence why people who are not authentic have such fragile egos. They’re easily hurt, right? Easily put down and diminished without much confidence left afterwards. The people who either don’t fight back against injustice towards them, or they do, but they don’t know how to fight back effectively. It’s quite illogical to expect for people to love you for you when you wouldn’t even be able to tell/show someone who you truly are - simply because you don’t even know who you are. Or because you don’t think that who you are is good enough so you’re willing to pretend to be someone that you’re not.

Please understand, ladies, this world will chew you up and spit you out if you ALLOW it to. Define who you are and stick to that, and don’t ever change unless the change is what YOU want. More men do exactly the opposite, and that’s why you can’t tell men shit about themselves. For better or for worse. They know who they are a lot more than we do and they stick to it. The ones who don’t are the ones who are taken advantage of by others - just like many of us.

I could never understand how so many girls and women around me were so willing to ALLOW a man to tell them how they should/shouldn’t dress. Who they can and can’t be friends with. Where they can and can’t go. How they can and can’t act - especially in relationships. It confused me and, I’m not gonna lie, I thought that it was just stupidity on women’s part that played a part in that. But I had to check myself and identify the difference between women that I knew who were like that and women who weren’t - instead of just boiling it down to mass idiocy through my own ignorance. I was raised around a lot of brothers, and a Jamaican family in general. Jamaicans are known for being quite prideful (ngl, in more toxic ways), but my brothers would also never allow me to let other people tell me who I should and shouldn’t be. Thats when I came to the conclusion that the major difference is pride and ego (which is heavily linked to self respect and self esteem). Thats when I realised that it wasn’t stupidity - it was brainwashing and conditioning. And I believe that for centuries, men broke down the egos of women because they know the truth about being egotistical. They know that when you’re egotistical, you’re not going to allow someone else to impose on who you think that you are, for the sake of pleasing them. You’re going to be confident in yourself and not put yourself as a lesser being to someone else, which only leads to you becoming a complete people pleaser or a doormat. Basically the perfect victim for those who want to control and manipulate.

There’s a reason why so many women who have acted like doormats feel so much shame after all is said and done. Thats your ego and pride telling you that you deserved better and you knew it deep down the whole time. That you haven’t acted in a way that you can even be proud of yourself (because of your lack of pride). And that you put up with bs that you should’ve cut off time ago. Think about it.

[valrvn]

Survey Results pt. 2

Sorry about the wait, I had a six day work week.

Please Note: Many respondents said they weren't sure of the cause of their fetish, and could only offer suggestions. So again, some of these answers are guesses on the part of participants, and should be taken with a grain of salt.

Also, a couple of these graphs are breakdowns by percentage, these are indicated with a '(%)' next to the title

Reported Causes of Respondents' Fetish (%)

*Most respondents who said their fetish stemmed from encountering a pregnant person were young children at the time, a handful were teens. None were adults. Most pointed to pregnant grade school teachers and family members. Only a few cited complete strangers.

*"always had it" refers to respondents who claimed they had an unusual interest in pregnancy for as long as they could remember. Some of these cases started as a more general interest in large/round bellies that later crystalized into an interest with pregnancy.

*"kink osmosis" refers to those who developed their pregnancy fetish through other similar/connected fetishes.

*"didn't know" refers to those who claimed to not know (obviously) and offered no suggestions or guesses.

*"association of pregnancy with sex" refers mainly to those who first made the connection between pregnancy and sex in their childhood/early teens. Things like the first picture of a naked woman they ever saw being of a pregnant woman, leading them to subconsciously associate pregnancy with sex/sexuality.

*"playing pretend" refers to those who reported developing the fetish after playing pretend (either with dolls or with friends) as young children. NOT TO BE confused with those who claimed they would explore their interest/fetish through play, but didn't actually derive it from said play.

Types of Fetishes Which led to the Development of the Respondent's Pregnancy Fetish

*Many cited just a belly kink without going into further detail

Kink Osmosis (When Developed) Breakdown (%)

*As expected, only a small minority of respondents who cited kink osmosis as the source of their pregnancy fetish reported developing their pregnancy fetish during childhood.

*People who developed their pregnancy kink in adulthood are hugely over-represented in this category.

Types of Media Cited in by Respondents who Blamed Media Exposure (%)

*Many people specifically cited cartoon episodes where characters would get fat/round/inflated.

*Media cited by multiple respondents included Birth Stories 2000-2004 (a Canadian documentary TV series), A Baby Story 1998-2007 (an American reality show that ran on the Discovery Channel and TLC), Birth Day 2000- (an American TV series), The Fairly Oddparents 2001-2017 (specifically the episode where Cosmo gets pregnant), Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (which adaptation was never specified), the Aliens franchise, Men in Black II (2002), and The Sims.

Breakdown of Responses by Those who Stated that the Interest in Pregnancy was Always There

Gender of Respondents who Cited Fear as the Cause of their Fetish

Gender of Respondents who Cited Their Gender as the Cause of their Fetish

*Cis men reported their fetish as stemming from a need to prove their masculinity/male identity, cited a lack of confidence in said masculinity

*Trans women often cited gender euphoria associated with fantasies of pregnancy

*most trans men, AFAB NB people, and cis women cited a discomfort or fear regarding their ability to become pregnant, though a few trans men and AFAB NB also claimed that transitioning led to them reclaiming their reproductive abilities.

Types of Experiences Among Those who Cited Personal Experience as the Cause of their Fetish

A FEW NOTES

*two people specifically cited the art of metalforever on DeviantArt as the cause of their fetish

*YouTube was cited by 13 people, specifically birth videos, and in one case, those Elsa Spider-Man content farm videos.

*fanfiction and fanart were also a common source of people's fetishes

*6 people pointed to a parents/close relatives or family friends who were medical professionals who worked regularly with pregnant patients (midwives, nurses, doctors, OBGYNs).

*23 people recounted 'playing pretend' as young children and acting out scenarios involving pregnancy and/or birth.

[loveandlegacy]

ngl i think there are a lot of cool/interesting things to say about the sex scene between jayce and mel, but i am not wild about justifying it by pointing to its plot relevance. its presence IS justified, i just think the furthering-the-plot argument is using the wrong framework to understand the function of sex in media at all and kind of belies a deeply conservative impulse about what sex is or does or what it's for in art. and like i don't really blame anyone for this. i think this attitude of 'well it has to be plot relevant to be present' particularly in film is born partly out of a reaction to a long history of film & tv having gross attitudes about women and very unpleasant assumptions about roles in sex.

in tv in particular, hbo comes to mind as having been the only prestige network for a really long time where nudity/semi-explicit sex was permissible. and like while it was/is permissible, a lot of hbo productions deploy sex in a way that feels deeply unimaginative and misogynistic. obviously hbo isn't the sole culprit. the whole concept of the male gaze was developed bc of film's treatment of women, and the games industry stacks on top of that by being so misogynistic in its sexualization of women that it feels like a joke. so i get why people balk at that — i do too — but these media properties and outlets shouldn't be the gold standard for sex in media anyway and the solution to them shouldn't be "well sex is only Allowed when it serves the very utilitarian and quasi-calvinist purpose of furthering the plot".

if nothing else, sex is an important part of life and connection for many people. including it in art to demonstrate or reflect that fact is ideally something normal, or could be if we in the united states could at least deconstruct our neuroses about sex. my one friend always says that sex in itself is a kind of character study, which is valuable regardless of how much it furthers the plot. you can even see this with jayce and mel! people joke a bunch about jayce being the little spoon and not to be like too annoyingly into close readings of a sex scene but the entire arc of his encounter with mel tells you a lot about both of them as people that arguably could not really be presented in any other context. mel initiates but she does so in a moment of vulnerability, right after talking about her family, a major pain point in her life (and not lol after she supposedly like...bamboozled him with Sexual Allure and alcohol or whatever people say). jayce follows her lead for a while (she kisses him first, he is happy to have her push him onto the bed) and eventually breaks from this pattern to go down on her, not to demand something for himself.

either this says something about him as a person or says something about gender and expectations for sexual courtship overall in the world of arcane. like in our world men who "submit" (lol) to women's sexual desires or who give primacy to a woman's sexual interest are still framed kind of as a joke in mainstream US culture even though 'mean mommy dommy' jokes abound on the internet. but is that also true in piltover & zaun? is jayce the exception to the rule or is he in keeping with the rule? we kind of don't know ironically bc we have no other information about in-world sex in the whole of season 1. even with the brothel, there are open-ended questions: is trading sex for money illegal? is it illegal in piltover but a weird grey-market activity in zaun? what kinds of sexual mores exist in piltover, zaun, or both, and what relationships to people have to them? vi describes the brothel as 'the one place where all the secrets are spilled' and that seems like it's in keeping with how civilian clients are about sex work irl in the united states but that's more or less all we have to work with.

i'm not saying arcane should seek to answer all these things or to deliver a complete taxonomy on in-world sex and sexuality. the story is dealing with other themes. it just seems strange to me to laud arcane for it's skill in efficient but well-textured worldbuilding and then to abjure the possibility of the presence of sex outside of plot-relevant reasons when sex would tell us as much about the world as the touch that smoking is a sign of power in the undercity.

if the concern is that somehow any non-plot-sex would be too gross in its treatment of women, i guess i would say that it was amanda overton who advocated for the sex scene in the first place, not alex yee or christian linke. so like why not trust that she may be capable of writing/directing further instances of sex without defaulting to something unpleasant?

and if the objection is "well i don't want to be made to feel horny in an otherwise non-horny experience" my answer would be that the point of sex in media can be communicative sometimes, not always titillating. going back to jayce and mel and character studies, i wasn't (and i don't think most people were?) suddenly horny during that scene. i thought the literal art direction was weird, but mostly what i took from the scene about these two characters was that their mode of relating to one another was actually very tender. it cemented that mel was falling in love with jayce, and that the we the audience were supposed to understand their sex as sweet, not particularly provocative or designed to fulfill an assumed sexual fantasy on our behalf.

but there's also no reason to assume that any two other characters in the story would have sex in that tenor, even if they were in love. there's no reason to assume that any two other characters might NOT have sweet sex outside the context of love. the only way we could know that is if it were to occur on screen, and getting a greater diversity of sex and sexual encounters on screen requires the audience to be open to sex not just as a normal part of life, but as a semiotic object in art that has value beyond driving the plot forward.

tl;dr it's nice that the sex in arcane had some greater impact on the plot mechanics, but i don't think that's the primary value of its presence and i'm glad it's there with or without it mattering to the plot. it's unlikely but i hope s2 can give us a fuller picture of how other characters relate to sex as well.

[biblio-smia]

the last thing i need — three

warnings: twd content warnings

pairings: glenn rhee x reader

[one.] [two.] [three.]

Glenn's absence weighed heavier on your shoulders than you'd anticipated. Occasionally, you'd look behind you and expect to find him there, eyes on you, only to find no one there. Every time you turned to look ended with a shake of your head and turning back to whatever was in front of you.

Perhaps the feeling was as outwardly obvious as it was strong, as Jacqui looked at you with pity in her warm brown eyes, inviting you to sit with the women.

They had taken a break from laundry to sit and chat, but you thought that picking up where they left off would keep your mind off of Glenn.

It didn't work very well.

You blamed one of Glenn's shirts that came up with stains that would never come out. Nevertheless, you tried, taking your time and being extra gentle with the piece of clothing. Even while he was away, Glenn got special treatment from you — and you hated it.

The mission the men departed on should've been calling your name. It did at first, at least for a little while, enticing you with an opportunity to escape the camp you found yourself on.

The desire to go vanished once Glenn revealed he would be going, too.

The brief conversation you had with Glenn weighed on your chest, a feeling too thick to swallow stuck in your throat.

You acted hastily then, overcome with an emotion you didn’t want to admit. Now it was just you and your thoughts, trying to come up with an alternate, much more reasonable explanation.

You told yourself you didn't try to join in on the mission because it'd be harder to separate from the group in the city filled with walkers. There was space to move here, space to slip off quietly if you were more careful than last time.

It wasn't because of the was your lips pulsed after meeting Glenn's cheek. It wasn't because of the way your heart pounded at the thought of him back in the city you barely escaped.

Solitude was familiar. Although it was never true, not with all the walkers you encountered, it was all you'd known for a while. You tried to keep up with it even now at this camp bustling with life, isolating yourself from the women just a few feet away — but the company was tempting.

And stubborn.

Andrea turned to wave you over, patting a spot near her. The rest of the women followed her lead with warm smiles that shone on the darkest parts of you, filling you with an unwilling joy.

You abandoned Glenn's shirt and accepted the invitation, although you were quiet for the most part — save for the little laughs the girls pulled out of you.

The five of you watched as the water glistened in the sunlight, exchanging stories and laughter as they confessed what they missed most about the old word.

"Speaking of things we miss... what's up with you and Glenn?" Andrea inquired with a grin and a bump to your shoulder. The rest of the women were silent but you could tell the question was on their mind, too — they just weren't as straightforward or bold to ask it.

"What?" You asked, feeling a little embarrassed at the question. There was really no reason to, but you couldn't help but feel like the tiptoeing around your own emotions was useless if suspicion of anything between you and Glenn was this high. "No, there's nothing up with us," you shook your head.

"Really? Cause I could've sworn you went into his tent the first night you got here—" Andrea spoke, earning a few gasps and small laughs from the other women.

Oh. She meant that.

Now you were really embarrassed.

You didn't have time to form an answer as a man approached — Carol's husband. His expression was humorless as he pressed for details of your conversation, pushing your group closer and closer to discomfort and defense — namely, Andrea.

You didn't blame her for it. You didn't blame her for calling out Ed's laziness and his abuse towards Carol, the news making your eyes widen and your body move in front of Carol defensively. Your hands weren't enough to stop Ed in the commotion, not as you saw how tightly he was gripping on to Carol.

No, Ed didn't stop until he was beat to a pulp by Shane.

You could hear your heart pound and feel the anxious sweat on your palms as you and the rest of the women did your best to comfort Carol, trying to focus on helping her rather than the violence you'd just witnessed.

Ed deserved it, undoubtedly, but it did not make you any less weary of Shane. Something about the man was off-putting. Something about him made you uneasy but you couldn't figure out what. No one else seemed to pick up on anything strange, so you kept quiet and kept your distance.

But one look at Ed's face told you that maybe you'd have to look out for the living more than the dead.

-

A stupid part of you waited anxiously for Glenn's return, knowing his presence would ease you even if he was unaware of your caution. It was awful, this feeling — one you'd felt before, but never quite this intense. This feeling would make you stupid if you let it — part of the reason you'd wanted to abandon ship at first hint of it.

There was no time for things like romance anymore, no matter how badly you craved it. It was about survival now.

And yet, you couldn't help but remember how you felt when Glenn's hands were on you, his lips on your neck —

You shook your head. This was no time for that.

Night was beginning to creep up and Glenn still had not returned. That feeling in your throat almost made it impossible to breathe.

The night was eerie despite the soft chatter of voices and crickets, the light of a fire illuminating faces with golden warmth. You took a plate of food and sat off by yourself, taking the opportunity to gather your thoughts. All the plans you'd previously had were in shambles. No next move you thought of felt right. Your fingers tapped on your knee nervously, teeth chewing up your lip in thought.

Maybe, if you hadn’t been alone for so long, you wouldn’t have picked up on the low groans from behind you.

You stood and pulled your knife in one swift motion, plunging the blade into the walker’s head, feeling the blood splatter on you. Another walker replaced the fallen one immediately, a small hoard in pursuit, pushing you towards the others.

The others.

“Walkers!” You called, distancing yourself from the pack just enough to turn around.

But you and your familiarity with being alone were not used to fighting with others. It had been too long since you have had to fight for anyone. Your warning was too late and there was nothing you could do but watch as a walker bit Amy.

Self-preservation is what you know, your attention snapping back to the problem ahead of you just in time. You know these movements better than anything - push them back, stab the knife into their heads, just enough to hit the brain - but the walkers don't stop coming.

All you are aware of are the screams behind you, begging for your attention as your heart lurches with the urge to help families trying to find each other in the chaos that has suddenly taken over camp.

You try to focus, try to convince yourself that helping yourself is helping them, that each walker down is one less walker able to bite and infect.

Gunshots ring out from behind you, next to you, all around you as walkers take over.

“Get to the R.V! Go!” Someone shouts over the sound of the bullets.

The crowd was at least thinning out now. Your arm was tiring from the repetitive movements, but you didn’t dare stop.

Not until there was only one walker left in front of you.

Even in the dim light of the camp, you can recognize her. Your heart feels heavy in your chest and guilt clogs your throat.

What was left of your sister dragged her body towards you, mouth ready to bite.

-

Your arm fell limp by your side. Your breath caught in your throat. A bullet hit your sister (no, not your sister) and someone screamed. Maybe it was you.

You dropped with her, stationed on your knees as you watched your sister reach for you.

Most of her was missing and the last time you saw her flashed in your mind. She’d yelled at you not to look back at her but you couldn’t help it; Now you were left with the image of her caught in the mouths of walkers, all desperate for a bite.

She’d sacrificed herself for you to continue on. To live.

And here she was now, because you couldn’t bring yourself to shoot her back then.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

Your face was wet. Was it blood, sweat, or tears?

-

Glenn was sure he’d hit a walker with his bullet, but your scream made him doubt himself as he ran. Rick, T-Dog, and Daryl cleared the rest of the hoard, but Glenn’s only worry now was you.

His footsteps slowed as he spotted you, cradling a body that hadn’t been alive in a while. Though the body had stopped moving now - Glenn noticed the knife you plunged into the back of its head.

Glenn called your name softly, kneeling on the ground to join you. His hand came to your shoulder and he could see the tears drip off your face and make silent splatters on the zombie in your arms.

“We can bury her,” Glenn said quietly. “We do that for the ones we love.”

You nodded and your face found Glenn’s chest, your arms letting go of your sister, cold and dead, and clinging on to the warm body next to you. Alive.

You couldn’t be more grateful.

-

The aftermath was chaos. The bodies, littered everywhere, were unnerving. The children cried and Andrea sat over her sister’s corpse all night.

You knew exactly how she felt. You made sure she knew it, too. She didn’t speak a word as you cleaned as much blood from Amy’s body as you could. Her gaze never left her sister as you cleaned her own hands.

“There,” you said. You looked back at the rest of the group watching you, some desperate to put a bullet in Amy’s brain. “You take all the time you need. Don’t let them take that from you.”

You expected the lack of response as you stood, unwavering as you stared Daryl down, watching as he shook his head and went off to keep dragging the bodies.

-

You didn’t speak when you heard footsteps follow you to the edge of the woods. You knew who it was, and what he was doing. You wished you could hate him for it.

“Let me help,” Glenn offered from behind you as you looked at your sister’s body. It laid exactly as you’d left it before, but the daylight revealed the horrific state she died in.

You accepted Glenn’s help wordlessly, taking her shoulders while he grabbed her feet.

“Had to fight Dixon to bury our people. I mean, he just wanted to burn them!” Glenn shook his head, eyes glancing up to yours.

He was too good. That was it. That was what you hated so much.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“No, no, I did. For her. For Amy, too. And everyone else back there. We still have to have some humanity, right? Or else we’re just surviving, not... not living.”

Glenn’s words rang in your mind as the two of you carried the body through the thick Georgia heat, sweat dripping down every part of you.

Living. Not just surviving.

Your sister’s last words. Her last wish. For you to live.

You looked back up at Glenn as the two of you dropped your sister in the “Bury” pile, watching as he adjusted his cap and wiped some sweat off his brow.

Live. Not just survive.

Maybe Glenn could help you figure out what that meant.

-

Soft chatter surrounded you as you sat off to the side, knees pulled up to your chest. You sat away from the group, as you always did, keeping an eye on the people and another on the woods.

There was talk of going to the CDC. You weren't sure how well that was going to work out if the CDC looked like the rest of the world.

But there was something in the group as they spoke to each other, even after everything that had happened today. There was hope, small sparks of it glowing like the embers of a fire.

Maybe you'd let yourself have some of it, too.

"Hey," a voice spoke, pulling up a chair next to you.

"Hey." You glanced up at Glenn, watching him run a hand through his hair, his cap in his hand.

The sun glistened off his skin, making his hair shine as he turned his head to look at you. There was a trace of a smile but an even bigger hint of a question on his lips.

You knew what the question would be. But you still weren't quite sure of your answer.

"What happened in Atlanta?" You ask, hoping to buy yourself time and realizing that everything that had happened after Glenn's returned had prevented you from asking about it sooner.

"Atlanta." Glenn repeats, the place seeming so foreign to him now. "Well, we got the guns." He laughs, sounding too forced, eyes wandering over the faces that remain. You're quiet, feeling the guilt you share heavy in the air.

"But we ran into some guys."

Your eyebrows raise at this - you don't know strangers nowadays to be particularly friendly. Glenn was rare.

"And you just handed over guns?" You didn't mean to sound accusing, but you were trying to paint out what had happened.

"Well... kind of? I mean, we worked out a deal."

"What deal?"

Glenn hesitates, trying to work the story without having to mention the more embarrassing details.

"They were taking care of a whole bunch of elderly people. They were just... abandoned."

You seem to relax at this, at least slightly. "They could've just shot you and taken everything." You're only half-serious but Glenn doesn't quite catch that.

"They really wanted to. Especially Daryl, he had-"

Glenn cuts himself off but he's already piqued your curiosity as you lean forward in your seat, urging Glenn to continue.

"Well, it was a little bit of a situation," Glenn starts exasperatedly. "They had taken one of us, we took one of theirs... It just- It happened really fast!"

"They kidnapped you?"

How bad of a liar is he? Glenn stutters but his lack of a coherent response is enough to fill in the blanks for you.

Your chest hurts strangely, your fingers messing nervously with the hard surface of your nails. You've begun to avoid looking at Glenn just as he glances at you, a heavy silence that a part of you is desperate to fill, nervous it will make Glenn stand and place his chair elsewhere.

You had been saved from answering questions from others about Glenn earlier but nothing was able to halt the constant thoughts you had about him. You're not sure how much longer you can keep running from it - you're not sure how much good it'll do.

"So, the CDC?" You asked, hoping Glenn's answer would help guide you towards one of your own.

"Rick thinks it's our best shot."

"And you trust him?" There was no mockery or accusation in your voice — only genuine curiosity.

Glenn looked down at his cap, nodding a little. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I do."

"You just met him," you noted quietly, knowing very well Glenn had met both you and Rick on the same day.

"You don't need to know someone for years to know you can trust them."

You looked up to see Glenn staring at you. Clearly, he wasn't just talking about Rick.

"That type of thinking could get you killed," you say quietly.

"Or it could save my life."

Live.

Your knee bounced anxiously as you thought about it. About what going with these people would mean.

It'd mean companions, for starters. No more nights fighting to stay awake, watching your own back. It'd mean splitting supplies. It'd mean strength in numbers.

You looked at Glenn again.

It could lead to something else, too.

"I'll go with you. To the CDC," you start softly, watching from the corner of your eye as Glenn's head snapped toward you, clearly in disbelief. "It sounds promising."

You barely knew Rick. You barely knew any of these people. But Glenn trusted Rick and you trusted Glenn. That's the only thing you were sure of now.

Glenn looked at you with a boyish, handsome grin and the corners of your lips raised to mirror his.

Your hand reached for Glenn's, interlacing your fingers with his. Your hands found his over and over — throughout the night, in the morning, as you packed into Dale's R.V. and towards the CDC. As you left Jim behind. As you almost died outside of the fortified building. As you finally made it inside.

The building was large and seemed safe enough — there was no way Dr. Jenner could have made it this far if it wasn't. But it wasn't until a large table full of food and drinks was set, laughter chiming in your ears, did you finally begin to relax.

A smile spread on your own face as Carl tries wine for this first time, his face morphing into one of disgust as the rest of you laughed. This mood, light and playful, was one you haven't experienced in who knows how long. There's a thick feeling of appreciation in your throat, hot and heavy in your chest. You're almost emotional, thinking of every sacrifice it took for you to be here, today, laughing and talking over dinner again.

But Shane, always solemn, can't seem to stand the uncharacteristic liveliness that has found the group tonight.

"So, when are you going to tell us what the hell happened here, doc?" The laughter is killed instantly, an uncomfortable silence falling on the once chattering table.

'We're celebrating, Shane," Rick starts, the tension between the former best friends particularly prominent. "Don't need to do this now."

Eyes flicker between the two with an occasional flicker to the doctor in the room, but downward gazes and quiet sips of wine offered neutrality from most.

"Woah, wait a second. This is why we're here, right? This was your move... Supposed to find all the answers. Instead, we found one man. Why?"

"Well, when things got bad, a lot of people just left. Went off to be with their families. And when things got worse, when the military cordon got overrun, the rest bolted."

"Every last one?" Shane asks dryly, suspiciously.

"No, many couldn't face walking out the door. They... opted out. There was a rash of suicides." Most shuffle uncomfortably, looking at anywhere but at Jenner. "That was a bad time."

"You didn't leave," Andrea notes, one of the only ones still invested in learning about Jenner. "Why?"

"I just kept working. Hoping... to do some good."

It's a good answer for most, no matter the somber tone. It's enough for you; you just hope that Shane's poking and prodding won't push the man that has seen too much too far. The last thing you want is to be kicked out now.

"Dude, you are such a buzzkill, man." Shane avoids Glenn's stare and you cross your arms, decisively done for the night.

Jenner gives you a small tour of the facility, mainly of the rooms you'll be occupying. A piece of you wonders what else there is, but the majority of you aches for a peaceful night.

Jenner has disappeared into a different room and the group has stopped in the middle of the hallway.

"Hot water?" Glenn glances to the rest of the group before his gaze lands on you, standing behind him.

"That's what the man said," T-Dog grins.

Glenn's smile is contagious, creeping up slowly despite you missing what Jenner said. But if Glenn is excited about it, it's got to be worth it.

The hot water on your skin completely is.

You try to savor each drop of water, relishing in the steam curling off the water. You can't remember the last time you had the luxury of hot water but you resign, letting everything roll off of you along with the water.

You scrub at your skin, mindlessly and too roughly, thinking about everything that has happened in the last few days. Everything about the last few months.

Your sister was dead. The guilt in your throat wasn't any easier to swallow.

Something had happened between Rick and Glenn on their trip back to Atlanta. Glenn stuck out his neck for Rick on that very first day that your paths had all crossed, so Rick risked his own for Glenn. At least there was someone else in the group that would do that for him.

Atlanta. Nothing in that overriden city could've prepared you for the overwhelming company you now found yourself traveling with. There was no ounce of you that imagined you might find someone to love again.

You shut the water off once you're sure you've scrubbed every crevice of yourself, your skin rubbed raw in a few places.

The towels you've been given are rough, thin, and terrible shields against the cold air that blasts through the facility but you don't mind. Nothing matters other than the feeling of the fresh clothes Jenner has managed to scrounge up, missing all the dirt and blood that's stained your clothes for months.

A part of you, as you settle into the first empty room you see, wonders how long it'll be until the clothes you're wearing now will be bloodstained again.

You've taken to cleaning off your knife, in the spirit of the fresh scent of soap sticking to your skin and the pristine condition of the garments on your body. You're careful not to stain anything with the shades of red and brown of your knife, barely lifting your head when you hear someone enter the room you've claimed.

"Sorry, didn't think anyone was in here..."

Glenn trails off when he spots your smile, your hand waving him over to the spot next to you. He takes it, body tense as he tries to keep his eyes off of you.

Glenn thought you were perfect before, but without the layer of grime on you, all he wants to do is stare.

Glenn thinks he's being sneaky until your eyes meet his, Glenn's already flushed face reddening even more.

He's too terrified to make a move, still wondering where it is he stands with you. You're not lovers as far as he's aware, though it's a losing battle on his side. Glenn thinks he'd do anything to get inside your head and see for himself what it was you thought about him. He wanted you to like him, desperately, his body aching for contact with yours. He wanted to kiss you until he memorized you and every one of your smiles.

But he'd take whatever it is you wanted to give him. He'd hold your hand whenever you reached for it, on your own terms, right up until you pulled away.

The sudden arrival of man-eating freaks had forced Glenn, for the most part, to mature; to learn how to fight, to look out for others in ways his shitty job as a delivery boy had not yet taught him. From one day to the next, he had outgrown the red uniform that always seemed to smell of food no matter how many times it was washed. Though no one cared to ask about the person Glenn was Before, he liked to think he was the same Glenn who had, with his own will, made it through high school and to college, on his own.

But, in some ways, Glenn still felt immature. All that time he had spent working and studying had left him with little free time for personal indulgences. He had never prioritized romance and now that it was here, in front of him, he found himself on his ass more often than on his feet.

The door opens again and Glenn’s head whips towards it like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t, his flushed face not doing him any favors. But it’s just Shane, so Glenn’s shoulders relax, eyes glancing over the man and landing on the bottle of bourbon in his hand.

Shane spares a sideways glance, eyes stuck on you as he takes a swig from the nearly empty bottle. Glenn’s eyes follow Shane’s and eventually fall on you, too; notably, the knife in your lap, practically shining from how much you’d been wiping it.

"You're a real whiz with that knife.” Shane props himself against the doorframe, probably to keep from stumbling. There’s a sudden smile on his face, too wide to put you at ease. “Good thing I stopped ya from leaving that first night, huh?"

Shane grins through his words as he takes another swig, eyes still stuck on you as Glenn stands. He’s turned towards you, eyes searching for any indication that Shane is just drunk, or out of his mind; but you’re stuck, eyebrows drawn and lips set in a straight line as you stare at Shane right back.

Glenn steps into Shane’s line of sight, effectively breaking the wordless confrontation. Shane’s eyes move to him now, trying to slip past Shane wordlessly. Shane shifts, blocking Glenn’s way. But before he can speak, Glenn has shoved his way into the hallway.

"I'm just looking out for you, man!" Shane calls behind him before his lips find the top of the bottle again.

You’re in front of Shane before you can help it, eyes trying to follow Glenn. But just as he did before, Shane has turned toward you, his large build blocking any easy ways out.

"Why didn't you just kill me that night, then? I know you wanted to."

"That's not true.” There’s a grin on Shane’s face that tells you he’s lying.

"Yeah."

The look of amusement on Shane’s face drops. He has learned from last time and fights back when you try to push past him. One of his hands keeps you pinned to the doorframe, pressing painfully on your shoulder.

“You’re just another mouth to feed,” Shane drawls, his breath reeking of alcohol. “You don’t deserve a guy like Glenn.”

There was more to it, you were sure. Glenn had told you that Shane was their leader and wasn’t fond of newcomers. Especially when one wanted his wife and kid back.

You could tell Shane felt challenged by Rick despite their history. Maybe Shane thought of you as a wildcard, neither loyal to him nor Rick. But if you would stick with Glenn, who would clearly follow Rick anywhere, weren’t you a threat?

You pushed Shane’s arm forcefully, the alcohol in his bottle swishing as he stumbles.

“You should’ve killed me,” you say, smiling suddenly. “You’re not getting another chance.”

Glenn moves down the hallway briskly, his feet taking him further and further away from you. There’s that feeling in your chest again, the same one you felt with Glenn back at the camp you had abandoned. It was fear, but it wasn’t the familiar kind that you’d spent months fighting along with the walkers. This one was thicker, heavier, putting a pressure on your chest that made it difficult to breathe. Unfortunately, you had come to care about Glenn Rhee.

And as Glenn walks away, he feels as though he has, once again, found himself on his ass.

[mrspark7777777]

i love how all the km blogs have been avoiding the behind the scenes "we all live alone" question like a parasite or smthing, bc none of you are are actually confident about anything, you just dont wanna leave your fantansies or open your mind a little to other options/facts/opinions. that is not called being insecure but a person who looks at all angles. you all just dont have anything to support your thoughts so just laugh and say okay its your opinion, i dont share it or ask someone else, or some other way of diverting the question labelling all as insecure. guess everything always works out for you or you usually get what you want, so you dont need to even look at other options or think from a broader perspective. also even if some people are insecure whats it to you, to answer each of thier questions. i was always firm in my belief that though they have some special friendship they arent dating bc of so many past inconsistencies, but i have always seen km blogs find the wierdest and farthest explanations for some things to suit thier purposes. bc come on a person you are intrested in or care about as much as you all think they do or jk does, and doesnt even know about all teh content or doesnt even know that jm's face music show performances ended, srsly?! my best friends boyfriend who studies at diff university, still knows more about her even when tehy are both extremely extremely busy. Even if Jm ever says he doesn't like men or he likes women, you all will still find a hidden meaning to it.like srsly someone had to admit it that majority of the km blogs dont have any idea or reasoning behidn ehat was said to suit thier purpose and will still cling to it, by diverting the other opinions as insceure jikookers, or that we have a diff opinion, but i have not even heard that so called diff opinion. bc you all dont have one

Jimin was basically living with pdogg when creating FACE. Which clearly means he was avoiding any distractions. His boyfriend looks like this ffs.

Can we really blame the dude????

We are talking about a guy who was begging to go to Jimin's while he was half naked in bed

Surely this explains why Jimin needed to stay away, no?

JK was going through Jimin withdrawals during FACE era. Like hard. So no, I personally wasn't surprised he didn't know when Jimin's promotions ended. Not if Jimin was keeping him in the dark.

As for Jimin saying we all live alone, why is this a big deal? He does live alone. Jikook haven't cohabited since 2020? When did they stop sharing cars? That's when they stopped exclusively living in the same house. So, Jimin lives alone, wbk. They completely laid low last year and kept any time they were spending together a secret. We now know it was coz they had applied to serve together but again, idk what u want us to say here when even we agree Jimin lives alone???

Lets see, what else do you have an issue with? Inconsistencies? Nah, bro. Jikook have NEVER been inconsistent. Ever. Its the one thing they've got going. Its the biggest reason why we believe they're together. Consistency. So I've no clue what you're on about there

If Jimin ever says he has a girlfriend, I believe I speak for many Jkkrs when I say we will accept and support that. However, we shall not be blindsided, we will have picked up on the Jikook break up by then. So, this won't be happening any time soon 🤷🏽‍♀️

And yes, anon, of course we always get what we want. And we shall continue to get what we want. We don't predict, we just talk about what we expect Jikook to do or to have done because they are a couple. When those things come to fruition, then yeah, we end up getting what we wanted because of course we do. Couples are predictable. Jikook are a couple and so they do couple things. That's why is seems like we are always right.

We don't explore other options because we didn't come to the decision to support Jikook as a couple lightly. I personally looked and studied all of Jimin ships before concluding him and JK were it. So no, there is no more exploring. We believe what we believe and are quite comfortable with our decision. If you get frustrated that we refuse to be shaken, thats on you.

I think I have addressed all your concerns. Thanks for stopping by

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

director’s cut on aldreda’s childhood/emotional development!

This has activated something in my brain that’s probably gonna see me writing a full lore novel about Aldreda & (my version) of Dance Era House Farwynd, like, I’m literally typing this up on a google doc just for my own ease of answering, I have no idea how long this is going to be lmao. Anyway, I’m gonna start off with a couple things that definitely need to be known as the baseline & then I’ll move on from there with wherever the wind takes me.

The baseline of knowledge we need to go forward is this: Aldreda is the only girl out of 21 children, she watched her number of siblings slowly dwindle starting from the time she was 4 until she was 26, she is one of only 2 kids her dad’s rock wife/Ironborn wife had.

There’s not really any way to sugar coat either of Aldreda’s parents. They both suck in their own way. Their relationship was never good. but it’s definitely in shambles now. They are the source of a lot of Aldreda being the way she is, they aren’t all of it (we’ll get to the rest of it) but they are a big, big foundational part.

Alfric Farwynd, the Lord Reaver of Lonely Light is the archetypical Ironborn lord. He’s what everyone wants to be, but he’s so far away from every other noble house in the Iron Islands that he just kind of gets ignored a lot of the time & has unchecked power over his lonely little island. He has 3 salt wives, one of which he kidnapped/married before he even got married to his arranged islander wife. He spent his entire youth raiding & pillaging & he probably has an army of bastard kids he doesn’t know about amongst the thralls of other Ironborn houses & his own castle & even on the mainland if any women got left behind. This guy sucks, he saw a vat of “respect women juice” & dumped it into the ocean so no one could drink it. He doesn’t care about his wives, he barely cares about his daughter, & the only reason he doesn’t have any more kids is because his wives started getting menopausal & his dick stopped working when he was in his mid 60s (RIP Alfric Farwynd, you would have loved viagra). The only person who will ever live up to his expectations is himself, and he was the measuring stick he held up to his sons. He constantly criticized them & they never were exactly how he wanted by virtue of being their own people instead of extensions of himself like he wanted; they were sons though & they met his expectations better than Aldreda ever did. Especially after they died, when they could stop disappointing him & he could project whatever prowesses & perfections onto them he wanted (this was especially true of the ones who died in the cradle & didn’t even get tainted memories of their “failings”). Aldreda kind of wasn’t even a neat party trick to parade around, she was mostly ignored & if asked he'd really only be able to say “she's one of my kids, man, I don’t know. She has my eyes, I like that.” He was cold & distant & critical, & he loves his brothers in his own way but he’s not really “dad material” because he’s too caught up in the toxic pseudo-viking machismo of the Iron Islands. As a little girl, Aldreda was terrified of him, and even as an adult in her late 20s she kind of still is; but she covers that up by performing the same kind of toxic attitudes Alfric has & lashing out within the parameters of Ironborn Manliness As Filtered Through The Lense Of A Woman Victimized By It.

Lady Melusine Myre is…not mentally okay. She is resentful, she is full of grief, & she doesn’t know where to put any of it. She only had 2 children: Ronas & Aldreda. Her son died in the cradle before her daughter was even born, her husband blamed her for his death, & when he finally came back to her she had a daughter & he never came back. She blames the salt wives for her husband being Like This & harbors resentment for those 3 women who don’t even want to be there & each son they give her husband; she doesn’t celebrate when those boys & men die though, because how can she? Their mothers mourn like she does & she understands that pain at least. She has never been her husband’s first choice, & really he probably wouldn’t have been hers, but she was promised the story of “being a noble reaver’s rock wife, his real wife he can only have one of who will give him sons & carry on the family line & he’ll like you more than all those silly mainland wives he takes. It is a good thing for your husband to have those, by the way, it means he is prosperous & rich & can take care of that many wives & all their kids!” She tells herself she’s okay with it, but she isn’t. She wants love & closeness & intimacy, but she hasn’t gotten that a day in her adult life since she got shipped off to Lonely Light away from the other Iron Islands to marry The Absolute Most Ironborn Man There Is Currently. She doesn’t have a partner, she lost her son, she got abandoned but still has to live with the man who did that to her, so she uses her only kid to fill her emotional needs. Like, Lady Melusine’s boundaries with Aldreda are paper fucking thin, they basically aren’t there. Aldreda is her mom’s therapist, she has to live up to her standards that change every day, & she has never had a moment of privacy with that woman. “It doesn’t matter that you started puberty, I’m your mother & I don’t need to knock to come into your room.”/“It doesn’t matter that you’re a grown woman now, I’m your mother & I’m going to rant at you about some slight against me while you’re taking a bath or getting changed.” And in return for this fucky, laborious emotional incest, Aldreda’s payment is “I will support you doing your gender weird stuff & back you up now that you’re the only claimant to Lonely Light,” & yes that is tied to how much Lady Melusine loves her daughter, but it’s also got a small undercurrent of “if you want to replace all your dead brothers, that is my revenge against everyone who I think has wronged me when you succeed.”

So Aldreda has this just really intense parental situation while living in an incredibly isolated & insular court. Growing up her friends were either her half brothers, or the children of her father’s raiders, or some thrall’s kid: vast power & age imbalances. Aldreda’s oldest brother was 25 when she was born, & she was 20 when her youngest brother was born.

Her favorite person was her older brother Orwen (who was 20 when he died, & Aldreda was 13 when that happened). She looked up to him & wanted to be like him, at least in some respects, & he took care of her. Aldreda wasn’t just “his annoying little sister,” he taught her to fight & brought her little trinkets back from raids & told her cool stories about how badass he was during said raids. Orwen was great, but, like, also one of his best friends was their Open-Secret-Serial-Predator-To-Tween-And-Teen-Girls cousin, Westley. Orwen kept Aldreda safe from him, he warned her to not spend time with him alone & in turn told Westley to leave her alone, but Aldreda was still being nurtured in an environment where people were just kind of lowkey okay with what was going on & really only cared to protect her. 

Her childhood was never that idyllic, but when she was super little she tried really hard to convince herself it was. She was 4 the first time one of her brothers died, then there were 2 more a year later, & then things were okay until she was 9 & 1 more died; little baby Aldreda didn’t really get it but she knew that there were stories about House Farwynd skinchanging into seals & so she just got it in her head that early to decide that’s what happened with her brothers. “Sure, Winfirth/Faren & Edgard/Theon are gone, but they aren’t gone gone! They’re seals now! I went down to the rookery & picked the one(s) I think is him/them!” And she never stopped doing that. Because yes, her parents suck & her dad only kind of loves them & her mom wants her to not love her half-brothers, but they’re her brothers & she loves them. She grieves & mourns for the short time she allows herself by going pure copium & deciding “this seal is my brother & he will get to live on as that animal for another 15 or so years, maybe 25 if we don’t set him loose!” & then she moves on (or at least convinces herself she does) because she doesn’t want to be like her parents. Except she is. She has turned Orwen into a saint in her memory, she has built her dead brothers up in her mind to act as the voice of her own self-doubt & self-criticism; and she is full of grief that she’s choking on & doesn’t know what to do with. She can’t let it out though, so it eats at her from the inside until she does something either to herself or someone else to let it out with sex or violence (like, she was fully carrying on an affair with the thrall who used to be Orwen’s salt wife for a good 5 years & was just like “this is a normal thing to do”).

When she lost 3 brothers in one fell swoop at 13 (favorite included), she decided “I am a girl, but I’m a son, y’know? Daughter but in a boy type way” & cut her hair short & started trying to live up to the persona Lord Alfric wanted of his sons & joined her cousin’s crew to go on raids. Except Orwen was dead & there was no one to save Aldreda from Westley, his men weren’t going to stop him from grooming her & making her attachment styles even worse (because he threatened them). She’s been fixated on him since she was 13/14 & it was a “positive” fixation until she was 26, then he showed his true colors of just being blindly ambitious & also a little bit delusional but she can’t stop being fixated on him because that’s over a decade of being manipulated & abused & thinking they were star crossed lovers & that “when he says the time is right I'm going to give him my maidenhead.” She still romanticizes what happened to her before remembering all the harm she learned he did & then it turns into the most (justifiably) hateful & violent fixation known to man: it's still a fixation though.

She's not her mother or her father, she's something entirely separate & wholly worse: their daughter who never stopped being a sad, traumatized teenage girl in the middle of being emotionally abused & manipulated.

[nopeferatu]

something that confused me in the bbm short story was jack saying he was cheating with the rancher’s wife and john twist later mentioned that same rancher (?). i know jack lied about being with other guys when ennis said it’s only been him. so did jack lie again about the rancher wife bc he knew ennis would react differently if it was another man? i sincerely couldn’t tell. my media literacy: c average

Yeah, Jack was lying to cover for the fact that he hadn't been seeing the ranch neighbor's wife, he'd been seeing the ranch neighbor, himself :c

I think it's a little less clear in the short story than in the movie, so I don't blame you for being confused. The movie adds a whole new scene that doesn't appear in the novella, where Jack and his wife Lureen are at some sort of fundraiser dance event and they're at a table with another married couple. Jack and the husband keep making eyes at each other in the dance hall, then later in the scene, the two are pictured sitting outside on a bench making small talk about the ranch operation the other man works for. Then finally the husband gets the courage to say:

"Yeah, Roy, he's a good ol' boy. He's got a little cabin down on Lake Kemp. Got a croppie house, little boat. Says I can use it whenever I want... We outta go down there some weekend. Drink a little whiskey, fish some, get away... You know?"

Jack pauses for a moment, opens his mouth to answer, but before he can he is interrupted by their wives coming out of the dance hall to go home. When this story has previously established that "fishing" and "getting away" between men is code for "having an affair", you understand what it is this rancher is asking of Jack.

And it makes sense that Jack would lie about it to Ennis, given the fact that when Ennis finds out he's been going to Mexico to hire male sex workers, he reacts like this:

"I got a say this to you one time, Jack, and I ain't foolin. What I don't know," said Ennis, "all them things I don't know could get you killed should I come to know them."

Ennis is so jealous and angry over the idea of Jack being "unfaithful" to him that he LITERALLY threatens to kill him if he ever gets concrete confirmation of any of these suspicions. If if isn't clear enough that this is the intent of those lines, Jack confirms it in his own monologue:

"Count the damn few times we been together in twenty years. Measure the fuckin short leash you keep me on, then ask me about Mexico and then tell me you'll kill me for needin it and not hardly never gettin it."

If Ennis is already reacting this badly about Jack "gettin it" from sex workers every once im a blue moon, imagine how he'd react if he knew he had a neighbor just down the street from him who he could "get it" from regularly and often?? So he tip-toed around the idea by admitting to having an affair while lying about who it was he was having the affair with, because Jack implicitly understands that sleeping with another woman isn't a threat to their relationship in the way that sleeping with another man is.

There's a small section of one of my favorite BBM fics, Through the Red, that I think does a really great job of explaining why this is so:

"Why don't you care none if'n it's a woman?"

The question loops lazily up towards the ceiling and disperses among the gray cobwebs shrouding the beams. The mattress murmurs as Ennis shifts. Jack isn't expecting an answer, really. He knows the answer; he knows because he's in the same situation.

Women are different. They mean something different, because a woman can't be for Jack what Ennis is, and a woman can't be for Ennis what Jack is. A woman can't give them what they crave, can't be what they need. There'll always be a distance, a membrane of separation between men and women, minds and souls, responses and reactions inexplicable to the other.

Because Ennis is the only one he's found true passion and feeling with, because Ennis probably feels the same, and neither have ever felt this for a woman, it isn't hard to jump to the conclusion that it's only with another man that they will ever feel this — and so a relationship with a woman means nothing, isn't a threat. It isn't real.

However, another man…

"I ain't gonna make excuses. I haven't done nothing wrong," Jack says to the floor and the dust and his feet. "Haven't done nothing."

He's never felt guilty about stepping around his marriage vows, the vows and relationship that God and men call inviolable. He and Ennis don't even have that, can never have that, and, yet, something writhes nauseatingly in the core of his stomach.

I think that the inclusion of the ranch neighbor also does a lot to make Jack's death more ambiguous, right? Like. By the end of the short story, we now know that Jack was sleeping with a man down the street from him and that he was fed up with Ennis' lack of commitment. So when Ennis hears from John Twist that Jack went to his parents house talking up a storm about this ranch neighbor of his leaving his wife and moving up from Texas with him instead of Ennis, all Ennis can picture is that Jack wasn't being as careful about hiding his sexuality anymore, and he was killed for it. So was it a freak tire changing accident? Or was it a hatecrime? Sadly, both are realistic scenarios in the world they live in.

[shipskicksandgiggles]

dialogue prompts

hi! I’m Ellis, I’m a college student that that apparently keeps landing myself in bizarre situations and I cope by making prompt lists out of them. they’re usually hilarious and great for short fics, so feel free to send me a number with a character/ship/dynamic, or even just a fandom that you think fits

“Is this about the fax machine? Because if it is, my vote is we put a bullet in it.”

“I don’t need to hear about any of your sex lives. I’m talking to you specifically.”

“Why are you all in the hallway? Is that a dog?”

“Do they remind you of someone?” “Yeah, me when I was that age, I was hoping you wouldn’t mention it.”

“I’m going to steal someone’s kneecaps.”

“Someone just barked at me in the grocery store parking lot.” “Go see who it is.” “You asshole.”

“Why are you standing like that?” “They’re autistic, leave them alone.”

“It’s been like three months. Why are you a different person?” “Catastrophic change and trauma, babe, don’t worry about it.”

“Every day my interests become more and more like a middle aged father’s.”

“Do you want to come build a chair?” “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“Why do you talk so much about cannibalism in this class?” “Your guess is as good as mine.”

“Everyone gets excited about boobs!” “I honestly don’t think that’s true.”

“Do you need the heat pack more?” “I wasn’t going to bring it up, but you limped home, I think you need it more.”

“Some guy just mistook me for a cis man, this is the best thing that’s happened to me all week.”

“You went to Catholic school? I would have thought you’d gone to public school and then taken a hard left into satanism.”

“Did you have a Voltron phase?” “No, why?”

“You know how I would literally rather die than ask for help?”

“Do you have time for me to have a gender crisis on you or are you too busy?” “Oh, no, this is happening.”

“Dude, they took your door.” “Your door privileges have been revoked.” “What the fuck?”

“Oh my god, quit it with the mother henning.” “If we lose the kid I’m blaming you.”

“Do you have a reason or are you being a nasty cynic?”

“So he’s better than you.” “I’m okay with that.”

“Did you just call me to tell me the person who won Jeopardy! has my chronic illness?”

“I regret asking.” “Why would you ask an autistic person about their hyperfixation when you don’t want an in depth answer?”

“Insane question, but can I put you in hell?”

“If one more person gives you public recognition for a thing I think you’re going to set yourself on fire.”

“Holy shit, you’re like a vampire.” “In all seriousness, you should see someone about that, that’s not normal.”

“Did I just sleep for 16 hours?” “Roughly, yeah. How are you feeling?” “About how you’d expect.”

“Where are you? Oh you’re having floor time.”

“Your taste in men is seriously questionable. If you only want his dick I’m sure we can figure out something else.”

“You need to crash your car right now.”

“Don’t make me pull rank at 6 in the morning again, I’ll die.”

“Are you crocheting right now? God this is such a weird group of people.”

“I got called an anarchist again.” “By the same person as last time?” “Nope.”

“Are we going to talk about what happened back there?” “No, why, what happened?”

“My mom has apparently kissed more women than I have.”

“You goddamn whore!” “What happened?” “She lied to me!”

“Of all of us, I think you’re the most likely to be a vigilante. Like a journalist by day, crime fighting hero by night.” “Like Spider-Man?” “Exactly like Spider-Man!”

“What’s going on?” “There might be a squirrel in the building, let me get back to you.”

“Don’t flirt with me while I’m holding a knife.”

“So imagine you’re a bisexual woman and you want to go to a strip club.”

“You scare people.” “I’m literally the nicest person alive.” “I watched you yell at someone last week.” “And?”

“The group chat is rioting.” “Oh my god.”

“We’re stealing your dog. She’s ours now.”

“I’m going to use my powers of being everyone’s favorite to get out of this.”

“I don’t associate myself with my birth name because no one called me by that name growing up.” “Have you perhaps heard of therapy?”

“My professor thinks I need an emotional support bird.” “No, I know you need an emotional support bird.”

“Okay, so they’ve got some trauma they need to work through. What’s driving the rest of you?”

“I ended up with the straight up rainbow one. Maybe straight is the wrong word. Anywhom-”

“You met this man a week ago, what do you mean you’re in love with him?”

[renaultphile]

That Bunny car scene

Hi there @telltaleangelina I just wanted to think a bit more about the scene with Bunny and Laurie in the car scene on the back of your ask/answer.

I think you really got to the heart of it with that line ‘the practiced inflection’.  Laurie uses his intuition a lot (sometimes without even being sure what he is picking up) and it’s just such a creepy line, indicating how Bunny seamlessly adopts that tone.  Although I suppose there is an analogue with Ralph giving Bunny ‘the straight look’ for the first time back at the flat.

It suddenly occurred to me that cars are so symbolic of male power at that time, and it evokes that horrible trope of men taking women out and expecting some kind of ‘payment’.  I wonder if Bunny is just so cynical that he assumes Laurie is paying Ralph back in kind for the lift, and decides he wants a piece of the action.  Or he thinks Ralph is being ridiculously gentlemanly about Laurie and wants to bring him down to his level.

I realised the scene provides a contrast to the earlier car scene with Ralph.  I know we love the little knee touch in the 1953 version when they are parked up at the scenic spot, but to me, she took that out for a reason in the 1959.  It shows the high level of tension (not just sexual!) between them and the way both of them are being hyper-vigilant – Ralph trying very hard to judge the moment with Laurie, and Laurie trying very hard to be respectful of the fact that Ralph has a boyfriend.  And also, Laurie sits in silence to avoid attracting Ralph’s anger when he hits the traffic.  And he is so uncomfortable with being dependent on Ralph – the number of times he tries to leave the party to get the bus, and he tries it again at Bunny’s.

I also realised that it almost doesn’t matter whether Bunny would have followed through with his threat or not.  It just conjures up the horrible thought that he is used to getting what he wants, and most of the time, people don’t stand up to him.  So perhaps this is a neat way to show Laurie’s strength of character in a crisis.

The other thing that is quite disturbing, if not surprising, though, is that Laurie then plays it down with Ralph.  Partly because he fears not being believed (a bit like Alec silently taking the blame for Bunny’s gossip for a quiet life), and partly to spare Ralph’s feelings.  I realised he would be very influenced as well by the ‘no snitch’ rule in school, where telling on another boy would be considered worse than the original offence.  But it is cowardly too.  I wonder if his anger on the staircase is partly fueled by his frustration at being put in that situation, the suggestion that Ralph is so inured to that kind of behaviour that he doesn’t even notice any more.  And in a way Ralph is responsible, because even if Bunny spiked his drink, he still chose alcohol over tea.  But Laurie is also too passive.  In the end Ralph ends it with Bunny without knowing for sure what he did.  Unless he knows because Bunny has form.  In which case why is he with someone like that?  Either way, Laurie’s horrible accusations on the staircase have the ring of truth.

And finally I can’t go without mentioning that other linked car scene – Ralph kissing Laurie on the first night at the party (very heavy hint anyway) when he is dreaming about his mother kissing him!!  And Ralph sitting there having a cigarette while he waits for Laurie to wake up is so sweet.

[yallemagne]

Having to pause every five seconds in this episode to scream at VH for being such an old bitch.

First up the newspaper: You're telling me none of these kids are capable of pronouncing the word "Beautiful", really? Were newspapers really like this in Victorian England? Just constantly misspelling something as a bit to make fun of people's pronunciations? That's obnoxious. Also damn the writer of this article fucking hates kids, damn.

Our correspondent naïvely says that even Ellen Terry could not be so winningly attractive as some of these grubby-faced little children pretend—and even imagine themselves—to be.

calm the fuck down, they're playing pretend. how are you seriously gonna get pissy with children roleplaying as a "Beautiful Lady".

Mina worries VH will blame her for Lucy's death and I screamed SHUT UP MINA. Oh my god Mina literally what. No, you are not even at partial fault for what happened to your ADULT FRIEND while you were away with your HUSBAND. Read my post on the matter, Mina. I swear.

VH: "Hey, can you tell me what happened in Whitby?"

Mina: "Of course."

VH: "Are you sure? Women are too stupid to remember important details."

What the fuck is wrong with you sir. What the fuck. What the fuck is wrong with you. God, he's so fucking annoying. Oh my goooood. You came to her to ask questions, you are not allowed to follow up your plea for answers with "but I don't expect you to know anything since you're a ditzy woman."

And instead of ripping him a new one, Mina tells him she has a journal. But he already knows about the journal. He knows that Mina was writing everything down the same way he knows Lucy started a diary to imitate Mina. So, it's even more than "Your puny woman brain can't possibly hold that much information" it's that AND "I know you keep a journal, but women only write silly women things in their journals, nothing worth reading"

rrrrgrrrr i'm fucking strangling him to DEATH bro

Mina gets to prank him a bit, but the message doesn't stick. Giving him her shorthand diary is a "don't fuck with me" that he greets with "haha can you read to me like a woman does?"

And the entire time, when he isn't insulting her for being a woman, he's trying to flatter her because he thinks she's a vain child. He did the same with Lucy. Mina tells him off passively "you don't know me" and he insists that he's studied the behaviour of men and women, so he does know her, and any drop-of-the-hat judgement he makes of her is fuckin God's word.

ugh there's just too much to say. Van Helsing's benevolent sexism is practically more offensive to read than malicious sexism. At least malicious sexists can admit they're bags of dicks.

[unabashednightmarepizza]

𝐵𝑢𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒

A/N: Hi, hello! I'm sorry for making people wait but I had to get my shit together, I hope everyone is fine! This chapter was, for some reasons, so hard to write even though it has 7.8K words and I once wrote 18K for one chapter in 3 days...

Warnings: Minors DNI( there is a smutty part in here), dry humping, nipple play, hint on smexy times, my inability of writing anything smutty when I read the most filthy shit, Joel Miller being softie for who he loves, 7.8K words...

Series Masterlist

“Maria, I swear I'll be living in here for these foods!” You moaned in delight at the delicious food while Joel, next to you, chuckled affectionately and offered a napkin to wipe your mouth. But upon seeing that you childishly declined, he sighed softly and touched your cheek, turning your head to himself and wiped your mouth.

Tommy let out a loud whistle, Ellie made a disgusted face while Addy squealed and Maria tried to stop her husband from making a scene that would end with you withdrawing inside but to her and everyone’s shock, you giggled and let him do as he wanted, making him blush and laugh at your puffed out cheeks. “Thanks, old man. Didn’t think I would let someone wipe my mouth...”

“If ya ate like the adult you are, you wouldn’t have.”

“Yeah, and it’s definetly not because you have a caring side...”

The night went like that, with you two sharing meaningful glances and shy smiles and Joel telling embrassing stories of him and Tommy.

“Come on, man! It was one time, stop complaining all the time!”

“One time? Tommy you smoked like shit, and our parents always blamed me because ‘you were such a good boy.’ It hurted me at that time!”

“Just because you have a fuck-boy look, doesn’t mean I can’t use that to my advantage, brother!”

You and Maria smiled to yourselves in the kitchen, the typical Miller mischief as Maria called it kicking in at high drive when the duo sat together and even the girls started to meddle in with their affairs. “Those two are so smart when they’re seperated, but so stupid when they are together.”

“You know what they say, Maria. Two men are always more stupid then one man.” You both giggled at that, briefly looking at them happily sat together when your eyes caught Joel’s through the window. Even though years obviously passed, and wrinkles slowly appeared on everyone’s face by now, his eyes still captivated you. Your first thoughts at seeing the man for the first time was how his eyes seemed so cute and loveable, and even after weeks knowing him, it didn’t change a bit. He was well-built, strong and brave, all the reasons why he survived this long- and made many women swoon over him-

But they never knew that tender side he had he only showed to those close to him. You saw how he went to many shops here even though he didn’t want it just for Ellie, how he always had time for Addy to teach her new ways to hunt...

Or how he always helped you around your home, came by whenever he was close and had a cup of coffee with you while asking how the hell did you find these here happily like an excited kid, you answering with an equally giddy heart how you traded something for the luxury...

How he would sit with you in the middle of the night, talking about the past, the future...

“What are your hopes fo’ the future, Y/N? You don’t think of spending it like this?” you looked at him curiously, both of you leaned over the fence in your home with mugs warm enough to stop you from shivering. It was an odd question coming from him, someone who didn’t see the appeal of a future-yet alone dreaming of one in a shit world like this.

“I don’t know, never saw the appeal. I think I’ll always spend my life, fighting etc. When I no longer can... Maybe I’d teach or something. How about you?”

“Never imagined one either. Before coming here, at least...” the silence stretched over, you nodded at his question absentmindedly and looked over to see him biting his lips. The sight made you smile, not expecting the grumpy man to feel anxious over talking to you. It was no lie that you two had gotten more closer over the days, lingering touches, flirting and embrassing the other...

Both sides thinking that the other wouldn’t accept the other’s feelings.

“Have someone in mind, Joel? Did anyone catch your attention for a possible future?” you asked teasingly, nudging him with your elbow and he gulped nervously. He couldn’t possibly tell you that he thought about one, someone to spend the rest of his life with, here in Jackson after taking Ellie to the Fireflies...

That someone being you.

He didn’t exactly know when his feelings started to change for you, when all he had ever felt was annoyment and anger whenever you spoke.

At least for the first few days.

To him, you were a cold and mean survivor who didn’t care who she killed. And it wasn’t like he was any different, he stopped having any morals after Sarah died and after he saw that the world they lived in had no more ethics or morals. People run around, doing their jobs with fear and if you weren’t someone the others feared, you would be one of those piles of dead. Blow after blow would make even the softest person harden, especially after loosing someone precious.

And that was what happened to him. He was, at first, scared just like anybody else but through time... He became some kind of a scary legend around, to silence his own heart beating in pain and fear.

That was his sorry excuse of a life he wished he didn’t live, not after loosing his daughter.

But, even though you irritated the shit outta him with your corny jokes and answers... He was grateful to have you, to meet you. He was grateful for the way you treated Ellie as one of yours, how you fought for everyone. He was grateful for the way you trusted him and opened up about your past, also making him come to conclusion with his. When you had to listen, you listened and when you had to comfort him, you exactly did that.

If he thought a bit harder, he could feel the warmth and comfort you gave. Feel your hot breath against his neck, fingers softly raking through his hair and rubbing his scalp...

Yeah, he was down bad... But he wouldn’t seal your deal with death by loving you.

Even though eveything led him to you.

“Nah, darlin’. I’m too old for that-“

A giggle made you shook your head swiftly and turn to Maria leaning over the sink and cleaning every plate with a smirk. “You may deny all you want, sweetie but you both are down bad for each other. And before you talk, you both always blush whenever you would look at each other. Just like now.”

You slapped a hand over your cheeks shyly, turning your back to save yourself from the embarrassment of being caught. It was true that you told yourself that it wasn’t your right to be happy, that he wouldn’t feel like that and therefore didn’t see the appeal of ruining what you had.

“The world we live in is harsh and lonely, Y/N. And just because you did bad things in your life doesn’t mean you should shield yourself from happiness.”

“I killed dozens of people Maria...”

“Yet all of them were rapists, cannibals, shitty army! You saved more than you killed, Y/N... Before it’s late, please take a step to your happiness. For yourself.” With a final pat on your shoulder, she went out to her husband’s waiting arms outside, leaving you to your thoughts.

You desperately wanted to confess, to have that said-happiness with Joel. It was one of your dreams when you were younger after all... But the things you did, the horrors you bestowed on people...

The way you lost your last love...

Would you trully feel happy? Would he still look at you the same after he knew-

“What’cha doin’, sweetheart?” Joel leaned on the doorway with worried eyes, coming to where your figure was looking out of the window dejectedly. Upon hearing his husky voice, you turned to look at him and your eyes went to the plates he was holding out. With a smile, you took and set them inside the sink, avoiding his question about you.

"Thank you... I would have come to get these."

“ I know, I wanted to help though.”

You chuckled sweetly at him and put the plate in the sink, slowly turning to him with a playful smirk tugging on your lips, making him blush at how your laugh reached deep into his heart and pulled him more towards you. His feelings got the best of him, making his heart soar loudly and maybe he couldn’t tell his feelings, his love for you...

But he would express his gratefulness.

“Thank you...”

You stopped momentarily at the foreign words leaving his mouth but continued scrubbing the dish with your heart skipping a beat. “You have been doing that a lot recently..." you mumbled quietly, making Joel step closer and set his hand on your shoulder , turning you to himself softly.

"Do what, darlin'?"

"Thanking me. What did I do this time? Because I baked for you and Ellie? Or get her off of your back for a few hours with the training? Oh, maybe..." you continued rambling, hands making gestures here and there and Joel only smiled wider second by second. His eyes watched your lips, even if he tried to stop himself, and the way your chest rose up and down fast. His hands slowly creeped up, following the path the column of your neck and held your face in his much bigger and warmer hands.

The act alone made your heart stop beating, eyes looking at his widely, breaths evened out. You didn’t realize when your hand started to trace the lines on his forearm, slowly rubbing his wrist.

I could get used to this, you thought happily but a frown soon replaced the smile. But what is this to him? Is this a game-

"For being in ma life... our life." He tried to correct himself but you already got the message behind the soft words he uttered.

His eyes betrayed his words.

Shuffling to him, you took his face between your palms boldly. His beard itched yet it was a pleasing feeling to both of you, with him leaning closer to your height. You could just tip-toe and then your lips would... touch...

“You’re welcome, Joel... I’m always here, you know?”

“Hmm...” he grumbled and lifted his eyes to yours, so that he wouldn’t be seen as a creep.

But the eyes he was met left him breathless and shaken.

For the same want, same pull, same... love was there. Waiting for him to do something. Just like how you always did, waiting for him...

He saw your own fear, fear of mistaking all of these, and in amidst all, he wanted nothing more than wipe those silly fears. But he, too was scared.

Scared of fucking everything up.

I can see that you like her, motherfucker. Just go for it! Ellie’s words rang in his mind, telling him that you also liked him. At that time he didn’t believe in her, thinking that she was playing games again because how can a 14-year-old actually understand that concept?

But right now, as you both were so close yet so far, he made a note to thank her.

He slowly lowered his head, finally saying fuck it, and wanted you to know how he felt. You already knew him well-enough to know that he wouldn’t go around kissing everyone and hoped that he could convey his feelings like this.

And, he also wanted to feel your lips too.

Seeing him slowly move towards your lips, waiting for them to touch for the first time, was an agony by itself for you. Not because you didn’t want to, but because you knew you would be betraying both to him and yourself.

Even if you wanted him, this, the voice in your mind wouldn’t allow you to have this tiny bit of happiness... But, still a part of you was able to fight back against it, your still a teenager part which always knew you deserved this.

Yes, you deserved to be happy.

Taking a deep breath, your hand slowly went to his waist and bunched the flannel he wore. The sight of him, all wanting you and loving, made a heat crawl up in your belly, a warm feeling settling in your heart, making it beat harder. You felt his hands also slowly crawl up on your back, slightly pushing for you to land on his chest with a hand on his pounding heart. The sound of it brought a smile, he was also nervous...

But before anything more happen, Addy burst in and let out a high squeal enough to make you both part quickly and look at her with wide eyes.

Gosh, I can’t believe my kid literally saw me almost kissing!

“A-Addy, dear-“ you stuttered to her, Joel’s hand still grasping on your waist with an equally shocked stare at the girl standing there frozen like a statue. She didn’t expect to see her mother in this state, kissing the man she and pretty much everyone was shipping her with, and definetly she wasn’t expecting to be the one who cock-blocked you.

“I-I’M SORRY, IT’S JUST MARIA WANTED ME TO LOOK FOR YOU SINCE IT’S BEEN LIKE 20 MINUTES! I’LL GO NOW, BYE!”

She stumbled out and went to sit with the others with a tomato-face, one that matched yours. And by the looks both Tommy and Maria gave, you knew that they knew what was going on inside.

“We, uh... We shoulda get out... I guess, darlin’.” Joel was also embarrassed, not being used to experience such things. You nodded at what he said, embarrassed and unsure of what to do. You didn’t know what the night would bring for you two tonight, but hoped that you wouldn’t have to break a bone.

“Oohhh, I see that two lovebirds finally came down~”

“Shut it, you old fucker. I don’t make fun of your activities.”

Tommy raised a hand in defence, murmuring to himself that Joel’s head was in trouble with a feisty one and Joel chuckled while trying to hold you back from possibly killing someone who was yet to be a father and rubbed your sides softly, which made you melt slowly and curl up to him.

Tommy would have laughed his ass off but he had half of the mind to anger you, knowing you would jump on him, kill him twice if needed with no sign of tiredness.

Ellie, watching how he cowered slightly at your anger, snorted at his misery. “Dude, you really are scared of her? She couldn’t kill you, right?”

“Trust me, Ellie, that woman is as crazy as the Night Killer and wouldn’t hesitate to land a good punch on my handsome face.”

“That awesome person who murdered more than hundreds of cannibals?!” / “ The one who punishes pretty much every FEDRA officers?!” both young girls exclaimed at the same time, and had it been another time, you would have laughed at how they were in sync with each other.

But it seemed that even when you were trying to get yourself away from that name, that past... It always found its way back to you.

Without realizing, your body tensed under Joel’s arms. Your back muscles were thight as if you were ready to run miles, jaw clenched thightly while they... spoke highly of you, unaware that the person they were gushing about- not that you thought there was anything to gush, after the bloody past you had- was sittin right there, and accross the fire in the middle, Maria’s eyes caught yours worriedly.

She was the only one who knew who you trully were, after all. You only told her after giving birth to Addy, not having anyone to trust. And when the guilt became too much while holding the purest creature you had ever seen with your bloody hands...

You just burst out the truth to her.

You were lucky that she didn’t judge you, but rather understood you. It wasn’t her place to judge, after all she did her own share of questionable things. She swore for secrecy until you were ready to share this with everyone, never ever uttering something to even Tommy even if it ate her alive.

She would protect her best friend.

“Man, I wanna be just like her! She has this wicked yet rightful way of thinking! Like the world is already shit, and the people are even more shitty!”

“Yeah, as if cordyceps isn’t bad, there are cannibals, rapists and ruthless army cornering people around! I say, they deserve it!”

With every word they spoke, your heart beated faster and faster, breaths coming shorter while cold sweats gathered around your forehead. Too much, it’s too much...

You don’t know how I murdered women, how I watched men turn into monster before taking my time with them...

I killed in the most gruesome way, waiting for them to suffer with a sick smile...

I’m not someone heroic, not someone my own daughter should look up to-

“We’re goin’ back, ‘kay? It has been a long day for Y/N and she needs to rest...” Joel voice boomed over the excited sounds of Tommy and the kids. He got up while supporting your frame to his chest, grabbing his jacket to throw it around your shoulders when three heads snapped to you and a worried Addy ran at you, holding your hand in her much smaller and softer ones.

“Mom, you okay? Do you need me to come with?” you smiled at her happily, her worried big, brown eyes making you melt inside at how she was thoughtful of you. You couldn’t blame her, she only had you. She knew that her father died because of FEDRA, you had to tell her after she came to you crying her eyes out while asking why her daddy wasn’t with her, if he hated her.

He would never, sweet girl, you remember telling her while trying to keep yourself from crying. He would have fallen in love with you the moment you were in his arms...

Shaking your head at the past memories, you looked into her much more worried eyes and shook your head while kissing her forehead and cheeks affectionately. “No, sweet girl. Stay here and have fun with your uncle and friend, I’m sorry I ruined-“

“You’re more important mom! But... if Joel’s gonna be there with you... I think I can stay.” She said almost immediately, pouting at you cutely. You gave a small smile and nodded to her, her kissing your cheek while waving you goodbye.

You didn’t see but Addy gave a cheeky smile to Joel and whispered him to do what he meant to do back in the kitchen, which he blushed as an answer.

“Come on, I wanna show you something...” he put his hand on your shoulders, leading just outside of the Jackson where you used to go out with Addy whenever you both needed some time alone as mother and daughter. You walked past the tree you two used to sit under, when Addy was still a baby and a toddler that would run around trying to get her little hands into anything. You used to bounce her up on your lap, lifting her high and slowly making her come back with your arms to give the biggest smooch on her chubby cheeks, resulting with the most beautiful sound you ever listened...

Damn, they grow up so fast... I feel like I’m old even if I’m almost 40...

Joel softly gazed at your far-away look, how your eyes glowed under the moonlight and looked amazed at the fireflies that flew around from time to time. He was nervous, to say the least about both what happened back in Tommy’s and being alone with you right now. What he did back in that kitchen was a sudden burst of confidence and he was sure that he no longer had that.

Get yer ass together Joel! It’s not your first rodeo with a woman... But it’s the first time with the woman you love, you dickhead!

His inner voice screamed at him back almost instantly and he groaned at himself for acting like a teen when he was 52 year-old-man who was trying to ask his 38 year-old crush out... He was no longer the man he used to be, the easygoing man he once was gone. And even then, he wasn’t good with expressing his feelings in general.

But he wanted you to know, to feel how he felt. How you made him feel safe, how you made him feel alive and young again...

How you helped him with his problems, how you made him fall asleep quickly even without really being there.

He sighed to himself, finally getting enough courage to walk up to you, putting his hand before your eyes and cooing at you to calm you down after letting out a shriek. Feeling his calloused hand over your eyes, completely blinding your eyesight, your hands immediately found his to stop him. Your eyesight was everything to you, they were what made you and Addy survive. It was thanks to them that you were able to survive this long, it was them that made you who you were.

And even if it was Joel, with whom you trusted your life with, it was still a big thing to show your trust to him.

“I’ll show ya what I wanted to show now... Yer safe with me.” You breathed out almost instantly, relaxing back against his sturdy chest and he smiled down at you sweetly while making you take a few steps further before you two completely stopped, the voice of the nature was the only thing you heard and the feel of his lips on your ear. “Are you going to let me see, or do I need to bargain with you?”

“What would ya offer if I said yes?” he teased you back playfully, which you responded with a hit of your head to his chest, making him laugh at you amused. “Maybe a kiss that we couldn’t share back then. Would that be enough?”

“It’s more than enough... Here we go.” He gave a long sigh, eyes expecting to see a look of boredom. He didn’t think that this place was anything special, you must have seen it maybe before he did and possibly thought of him to be stupid-

His wide eyes turned to look at your hand thightly holding his, fingers flexing over the veins of his hand. And when he looked inside your eyes...

He saw the true wonder in there.

What was laid open before your eyes was a sight by itself, as if it was dropped from the heaven itself to give a tiny bit of hope to the humanity. It was just what you needed to see after years of fighting, surviving... protecting... killing...

After years of never feeling like you were enough.

All you wanted, ever since you were a teen, to be enough for the whole world, to achieve something, to have someone you could shoulder all of them together. Your biggest wish was, probably, to return to the days before cordyceps, turn back to those days when your biggest worry was what to eat the next day.

You once opened up to Joel about this all, while he was carving the wood he was working on and you were sitting on one of the empty tables with your mug. You told him about your once-hopes for the future, of what job you wanted to do, places you wanted to visit, telling him that you always wanted to sit down under the night sky and watch the stars with someone you loved next to you...

And at that moment, even though he kept his silence, Joel wanted for you to know that you were the whole world.

His world.

And looking at the astonished, wide eyed look you gave around yourself, amazed at how ruins covered in nature could have such a sight, he swore that he wouldn’t loose you like he lost everyone.

If here were to loose you, his whole world, he would loose himself.

And if he lost you... He would make everyone and everything pay, bringing Hell itself on them.

And he wasn’t going to let you get away.

You weren’t aware of the emotional turmoil Joel was in, how a silent rage filled him with the possible outcomes but one look at you, who was already looking at him with a happy and excited look, Joel couldn’t help but marvel at you, eyes going back and forth between you and the hand on his arm when you spoke.

“I have been living in Jackson for 16 years almost, but never thought the scenery would be this good... How did you find this?”

“ Patrolling, I thought you would like it. Wanted to return the favor...” he mumbled the last part shyly, eyes never looking at you for fear that you would hear his heart beat hard and loud for you

“What favor?” you asked curiously, his chuckle making the butterflies erupt again. He tugged on your hand softly, getting back to the path you two took to his home when he awkwardly explained that he wanted to return everything you had done for him and Ellie so far. That he felt like he was using your good will, which you responded with a hard hit to his head, making him flinch and wince at you.

“What the hell was that for?!”

“For thinking bullshit! I’m so mad at you right now, you have no idea!” You playfully hit his chest, him returning it with his own that caused a soft scuffle between you two. “You sure as hell love loving people by hitting them, huh?”

“I love rough and harsh, what can I say?”

The silence you were met stretched over minutes, you walked ahead of Joel, giggling to yourself in dizzying happiness when the weight of what you said dawned on you.

Did... I just say something dirty in front of my crush?Oh, God...

Both you and Joel kept your silence to not make things even more awkward, two adults blushing as if that was their first time with a crush, Joel went to his kitchen to make coffee for you both while you were left alone in the living room, looking at everything that screamed that Joel Miller was living here.

There were not many things yet, with him not even actively trying to find things for himself to have in his home, there were many things scattered around.

Things that you gifted him with, things he took with a grumble but kept.

Your eyes widened yet a soft look soon settled when you realized that he had been so kind and considerate with you, making your heart jump up and twirl in your ribcage when you caught a movement outside, a curtain being pulled. Cautiously walking to the window, you saw Esther-someone Tommy was trying to set Joel up with- peeking through the gap between her window and curtain but immediately closed it after seeing you dead-staring at her.

You didn’t know, but Tommy only did it so that you could act on your feelings out of jealousy...

You always knew he was attractive and basically a heartthrob to many in here. Everyone also had their eyes on Tommy when he first came with you, and you were the one who had to sit back and listen to Maria scowl at every women passing by while taking care of a toddler.

Unaware that there were many men who was the same with you. Not that it mattered to you, not after loosing your first love and the father of your daughter.

But now... You understood how Maria was so vivid about them.

Joel came back with two mugs, steaming hot, and you dropped the curtain when you heard the squeak his shoes made, taking the mug from his hands while thanking him and sitting down on the sofa right next to him. As soon as you did, your legs started to bounce- a habit you had whenever you were stressed, a habit Joel quickly noticed- while drinking the coffee with the most blank face ever.

Joel sighed to his mug and set his down before laying a wide hand on your thigh, making you stop and look at him with wide eyes. He shuffled closer to you, his hand almost covering your whole upper thigh when he spoke, rubbing the tender flesh to soothe your worries. “What’s wrong? You were fine before coming here... If you don’t wan to, you can-“

“No, no... It’s not that or you, Joel. It’s just...”

“I don’t wanna remind you of bad memories but... Is it about the Night Killer?” you willed yourself to not get tense at the name, heart beating hard at the question but shook your head, not being ready to talk about that part of your past.

“No, it's not that either.”

“I saw and felt how tense you were when kids were talkin’ about that person... Did that shit do-“ you sighed at his protective voice and dipped your head low at his stubbornness, knowing that he wouldn’t let go of it if you didn’t tell him the real reason.

“I heard Tommy trying to match you up with Esther... She is a good woman, funny too...” you mumbled to yourself, not looking to where he was sitting right next to you and rather played with your flannel. His hand froze at the sight of you, all shy and awkward and it made Joel’s chest burn in the most beautiful way. His heart beated faster, breaths coming out shorter at the true beauty that was you. His eyes never saw the way women looked at him, even before the Outbreak. But now that he had you, and you had his heart and soul between your smaller hands...

He would never dare to hurt you, or let anyone hurt you.

Not when you showed all of your beauty, inner and outer.

Eyes big and shiny, soul so bright it even loghted his dark one, skin so beautiful that it lighted you in an ethereal way that made you open all of his eyes and take you in.

Let you in...

He no longer could stop himself from reaching out to you, slowly and tenderly, fingers brushing yours so softly that one would think he was holding a fine China.

And you were unaware of the feelings suddenly surging to him, continuing to ramble out of your heartbreak.

“ And it’s not like I have a saying in this, you may choose anyone you wanted. Esther is beautiful and talented-“

“Yes, she is talented and funny too...” you turned and looked up at him shocked, not really excepting an answer and your heart broke more...

Until you saw the look in his eyes.

His hands slowly caressed either sides of your face, rubbing the apples of your cheeks softly and huffing out towards your nose to warm your cold cheeks and nose, amused at the shock of finally understanding what he had been trying to tell you. “... I’ve already chosen but that woman also needs to choose me.” You leaned to the warmth his palm emitted, like a cat nuzzling, and he smiled at you lovingly feeling your smaller and less calloused hands clasp his and look at him with big, full of wonder eyes.

There was no longer the painful beating of your heart, no more hurt. Only one thing you always denied yourself from: Love.

And even if it could be taken away from you any time... You wanted to saviour the feeling of him longer.

“She already had...” Joel’s eyes slipped to your lips as soon as those words left, lingering there for a second and you shuffled closer to him, body half on top of him, lips apart by just a slight inch. He felt your breath as his own, both of you breathing in the same air, feeling the same emotion, being one.

And in that moment, Joel only wanted to kiss you, and officially make you his.

(A/N: I really wasn’t going to interfere BUT AGHH THAT NEYTIRI AND JAKE SCENE! BASICALLY THAT SCENE!)

Just when you were ready to pull away, taking his hesitancy as this being too much for him, his arms shot up and slithered around your waist, making you brace on his chest with a giggle, hopeful eyes looking into yours. “Can I... Can I kiss you?”

You rolled your eyes at his ever gentlemanly attitude, feeling your smile erupt again for the millionth time before diving in to do what you always wanted to do.

“Please, do.”

When your lips touched for the first time, it wasn’t a burning feeling but rather a calm one. It was like all the chaos and rage in you calmed down as soon as you had a taste of him, making you both sag in relief and moan into the kiss in relief. It has been a long time since you let someone in, let yourself love someone again after...

After Michael, your first love, died. Brutally.

If it was up to you, you would have spent your life taking revenge for him. Find the shit who gave his location away, torture that fucker to death for taking such an amazing, considarate and kind man away from you...

But the last words he had told you, begging you to move on and find someone to love again... Knowing how dark of a place your mind was and how you had the potential to ruin human kind, he begged you with his last breaths.

Find someone you could love again, my love. Live your life, don’t waste it over me... Your heart and love is beautiful, any man would be happy to love you...

And that’s what you did, even when a part of your soul left with him that day.

You loved again, you loved Joel and it scared you with how fast you had fallen for the man next to you, but it was all this world meant. Without loving, caring for someone... There was no way to keep going.

And, as the fates would have guessed, in this damned world, to Joel, you were the most beautiful thing. His only light that made him still human, a man with feelings, love and care.

And in amidst all of his fucked up self, you chose him. Waited for him to come to you patiently, never rushing him into things. At first, he always thought that patience, love... They were unnecessary, not when he had the pent up rage of years and the strength to throw a good punch. He was used to make things go in his way through them, and seeing you so patiently explain why it wasn’t a good idea to go to hunt in a certain place or that time when you sat down with Addy to talk about her frustrations so calmly, caressing her hair lovingly made him realize that being loving, having someone in his life wasn’t a bad thing.

And realizing this, alongside with everything you did around, how you always teased him, offered him help with his work, baked and cooked which Ellie was happy to eat, grabbing some coffee beans for him whenever you went out because you knew how much he loved them... All of the little things you did for him and others piled on each other slowly and surely, and with the physical attraction he felt for you whenever he saw you in those thight clothes or whenever you picked something up with the muscles of your arms and back flexing...

It made him fall for you, crave you.

He moaned harder to your lips when you get on his lap while his mind played dirty tricks by reminding him of your body, sitting directly on his cock under the rough jeans he wore, eyes closed in bliss while your hands took a hold of his neck and brought him closer to yourself, bruised lips kissing down his neck and putting a red hickey right on the sensitive spot, which made him groan louder in pleasure and grab your hips hard enough to print his hands on your skin.

Most thought of him to not have an attachment to his feelings, like he wasn’t aware of them. But he was, he always was but just scared to show them when all it would ever end with was agony in his end. But right now, having you between his arms, knowing the taste of you, the feel of you... He knew that what he felt for you was beyond casual fling, it even repulsed him. You were so lovely, yet dangerous, like poison ivy...

And he loved it, he loved you.

Both of you let out breathy moans through each stroke his hardening cock made over your clit, sure that the wetness growing in your panties also leaked to Joel’s jeans but neither of you cared. Neither parts knew, but the moans weren’t just because of the blinding pleasure building up bit more like you both come to accept your feelings. You both were lost in each other, too dazed in the pleasure to care for such things. “f-Fuck, Y/N... I-I....”

Joel felt like a teenager, as if that was the first time he had a woman on him. It surely wasn’t, but it was the first time that he had a woman he loved with all his heart.

Straddling him, making him feel so much love and pleasure by just grinding on him, making him also leek precum and wetting his own boxer briefs. His hand absentmindedly shot up to your breasts, kneading the flesh roughly and making you moan harder at the impact over your nipples. He growled under his breath, yanking down the collarless shirt you wore under the flannel and immediately took one in his mouth, swirling his mouth around the hard nipple but never giving it much attention.

You groaned at how he was teasing you, how coy he was being but if he wanted to play this game, you would give him a taste of his own.

Your hands yanked the shirt open, making the first three buttons fly while he let out a surprised yet amused chuckle, dark eyes watching you kiss down his upper chest while your hands tavelled through the hair on his chest, down to his v-line and up to-

You smiled devilishly to his neck, still kissing his neck when your fingers pinched his nipples, mouth travelling down to take the other in your mouth which made him leave your breasts and threw his head on the couch, letting out a loud groan and a few tears.

Who knew the lone wolf, the grumpy Joel would have sensitive nipples?

“You’re so sensitive, Joel~ It’s kinda cute.” He groaned harder at you, yanking your head up to kiss your feverishly, his chapped lips roughly finding yours.  As he lightly nipped on your bottom lip while his hands grabbed a hand full of your ass, his other one pinched your nipple roughly, pulling it up and down, left and right as you cried out in ecstasy, hips grinding harshly on his big cock to reach that sweet release when a familiar thightness grew deep in your belly.

“Joel, Joel I- Fuck, I'm cumming...” your cunt spasmed with want, the sight of the grey hairs and the lopsided smile over Joel’s lips making you cum undone alone. You let out a slight cry at the thunder like orgasm you had, panting and letting out an amazed wow at having such a relaxing and amazing orgasm. It surely wasn’t the same as masturbating and before you could have slumped over to Joel’s chest to catch your breath, you shrieked when he grabbed your hips and made a few hallow thrusts over his cock. “I know, I know... Lemme cum, sweetheart, fuck-“ Joel selfishly chased his own release, touching all over your body while watching your breasts bounce, entranced by your beauty while you whimpered for him, nodding to what he said and moved your thighs even though they burned.

He gave a long groan when he shot inside his boxers, seeing your fucked out look ending it for him, hips giving a few jerks while your hips rolled on their own.

After having the man you always dreamt of right beneath you moaning your name, and a courtesy of him rubbing your clit to make you come for a second time, you both panted and slumped against one another, breathing in each others necks while Joel peppered kisses down your neck and up to your cheek, shocked at how much more amazing this was than the sex itself. He rubbed your slightly damp hair lovingly, “Am I still an old man after this?” he asked, smirking coyly while you hit his chest playfully, him faking hurt but let out a relaxed hum when your lips found one of the scars on his collarbone. His eyes got glossy at the many emotions passing through him with your lips and fingers caressing every part of his chest so smoothly.

Never in his life did someone touch him so lovingly, so delicately. Even when everything was okay, even when he had a normal life. He sacrificed everything for his girl and he couldn’t help but curse the world for not having you at that time...

Sarah would have definetly loved the shit out of you.

Unknown to his turmoil, you let a finger linger on there, the scar on his collarbone, rubbing the puckered skin and peppering a kiss there lovingly. Joel pretended like it didn’t faze him, as if his heart didn’t press painfully hard to his chest.

“I don’t know... Maybe you can show me that by carrying me upstairs to have a shower?” he chuckled and sweeped you off of your feet, happy and content after a long time and feeling alive with you giggling between his arms like highschoolers and looking deep in your eyes, he took you to the shower to spend more time, your moans and his grunts reverberating deep into the night with the bedroom door closing behind you two...

And you didn’t have to know, but both Ellie and Addy reached out to Tommy to tell them that the ship was sailing, and they were close to vomitting because of sea sickness.

When the first lights of the morning reached behind the chest of the man you were holding, somewhere in the middle of the dark ending up spooning him, you groaned slightly at the intruding burn to your eyes and raised your hand to fix the messy hair you both had when Joel shuffled to lay on his back with a groan, his chest shining with pecks of silver thanks to the light coming in.

And upon realizinghis open arms greeting you, you happily snuggled into his chest, happy to be like this with him. Joel, after years of having nightmares, had the best dream he had ever seen. He didn’t wake up in the middle of the night, he was happy, he was loved and in love...

There was nothing that could stop him from smiling down at you, taking your sleepy state in and letting his knuckles run through your cheeks softly. You weren’t stupid, and he definetly wasn’t too, he could very well see that you were indeed awake and was just trying to enjoy the warm bed more. “Stop looking at me like that, Joel...”

“Lika what?”

“Like you want to kiss me, I just woke up and my mouth probably smells-“ you were cut in the middle by his lips and when you opened your eyes with shock, him smiling cheekily at you. “Too bad, I already kissed you...”

It was a waking moment for you, with the sun shining over both of your naked bodies, the domestic vibe, the way his chest flexed under your hand and his heart beated...

That moment was the moment of realization that you were trully, madly in love with this man.

And that was fine, maybe one day... You would tell him what you kept hidden, and even if he would hate you for it.

You at least had him for this time.

“Y/N, do you copy? We need to go outside, we are waiting.”

“May both sides of your pillow always be warm, dick.”

Joel let out a laugh at the way you didn’t miss to insult whoever was the one at the other side of the radio, calling to you and let you stand up to get your clothes on while he himself leaned on the back of the headboard with the blanket covering his lower region, watching you mesmerized.

“You’re so beautiful...” you blushed at his breathless whisper but still went up to him and kissed him both from the cheek and lips. “You can’t get away from what you did to me with being cute, mister. I’ll teach you a leasson when I come back.”

“Then, I’ll be waiting for you... Be careful out there.” Kissing his lips one more time, you nodded and got out with a skip over your steps while Joel let out a disbelieving chuckle and plopped back on the soft bed with a lovesick smile, a head sporting his head.

But before you got out, a paper and pen caught your attention. You knew the “mission” Joel had and you knew what Fireflies would do to Ellie, causing her to die for vain when you knew there was no way you would let them kill an innocent girl...

Do the thing they weren’t able to do to you.

He would most likely want you to explain how you onew all of this, and you would tell him at one point. But your first mission was to make him change his mind.

And not knowing when you would be back, you quickly grabbed the pen and scribbled what you hoped was enough to let him know that it was a bad idea, putting it on the table in his working shop before jogging up to where your squad waited with teasing remark.

Joel, I know that you intend to continue your mission but we both know that you had started to care for the girl... Fireflies will not be the answer human kind is looking for, and the only thing you will end up with will be regret.

Regret of letting them kill her.

Please, just wait until I came back so that... So that I can explain everything. For once, don’t be stupid. For me, okay?