#it's like the middle of the night here and i need sleep
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Warmth
౨ৎ PAIRING— choi san x reader
౨ৎ GENRE— fluff, established relationship, fem!reader
౨ৎ WARNINGS— mostly fluff, slight angst
౨ৎ WORD COUNT— 1.0k
౨ৎ SUMMARY— san can’t sleep and you help him.
౨ৎ A/N— i hope you like it! feedback is appreciated and thanks for reading, lovelies! <3
You wake up slowly, your eyes adjusting to the light, as you instinctively reach toward your side, your hand coming in contact with the cold sheet.
Furrowing your eyebrows, you lift a hand to your face, rubbing your eyes as you yawn, trying to wake up. “San?” you mumble, checking the clock to your right, which reads 3:23 a.m.
With a small groan, you force yourself to sit up, shivering slightly when your barefeet touch the cool wood floor. “Sweetheart?” you question, wrapping your arms around yourself, starting to wish you’d chosen something more than shorts and a tank top to sleep in.
Walking down the hall, you start to wonder where your husband could be. This isn’t the first time he’s woken up in the middle of the night, but it worries you nonetheless.
“San?” you ask, peeking your head around the corner that leads to the balcony, which overlooks the ocean at the vacation house your staying in. A small smile grows on your face when you see San sitting in one of the chairs, wearing sweatpants and a white button up shirt, though none of the buttons are buttoned. He’s staring at the waves as they brush against the shore.
“Honey,” you call to him, stepping closer to gently place your hands on his broad shoulders, sliding them down to rest against his chest. “What’s wrong?”
San sighs, “Nothing, baby. Did I wake you?”
“You didn’t,” you respond softly. “But the empty bed did.”
“I’m sorry,” he replies, turning his head to press a kiss to the inside of your wrist. Even after being with him for so long, he still gives you butterflies everyday. “I just couldn’t sleep.”
“I figured,” you respond, resting your cheek against the top of his head, releasing a sigh. “Something on your mind?”
“I don’t know,” San frowns, shaking his head. “My mind just wouldn’t go to sleep.”
You nod against him, involuntarily shivering when a cool breeze blows across the beach. “Cold?” San asks, turning his head to look at you, as you nod, moving closer to him, basking in the small amount of warmth he provides. “You should go back to bed, baby.”
“Without you?” you pout, playing with one of the buttons on his shirt. “It’s cold in there too, especially without you.”
“I’ll only be out here for a little while longer,” San tells you, but you know he’ll probably sit out here until morning if he has his way.
“Sannie,” you slide your hands down a little further, leaning down to rest your chin against his shoulder. “You need rest. We didn’t come to this island so you could get even more exhausted.”
“I promise I’ll get some sleep,” he responds, gently tugging you around to the front of the chair, making you shiver at the lack of warmth.
He offers you a soft smile, his dimples showing, as he pulls you to stand between his legs, reaching up to cup your cheek with his hand, gently brushing his thumb across your skin.
“You don’t have to worry so much,” he whispers, making you sigh, shaking your head down at him.
“You know I will either way, San,” you respond, watching as he gives you a knowing smile. “Please come back to bed? Your thoughts can wait ‘til morning.”
“Tell my thoughts that, please,” San groans, frowning.
“Come on, sweetheart,” you coax, gently pulling him, even though you know you can’t get him up unless he wants to get up. “I know you don’t want to sit out here all night.”
“Alright,” San nods, giving in. “But only because I really am exhausted.”
“Whatever the reason, I’m just happy you’re agreeing,” you laugh as San quirks an eyebrow at you, his signature judging look on his face.
“Are you sure you don’t just want me there so you’ll be warm?” he questions, making you laugh, shaking your head at him.
“Of course not, honey,” you respond. “That’s just an added bonus.” San rolls his eyes playfully as you reach for his hand, intertwining your fingers with his. “I really do hope you can rest tonight, Sannie.”
“Don’t worry about me,” he responds, flashing you a tired, but reassuring, smile as he closes the door to the balcony behind both of you.
“Like I said, I’ll worry either way,” you reply, gently pulling him along with you back to the bedroom.
“I really don’t think I’ll be able to get to sleep,” San tells you with a sigh as he slips off the button-up shirt. You watch him as he climbs into the bed beside you, his side dipping with his weight as you settle down next to him, rolling slightly to rest your hand against his chest, your hand moving to settle against his toned abs.
He hides his grin as you brush your thumb across his skin absentmindedly, probably not even realizing you’re doing it.
You’re tucked comfortable into his side as he wraps an arm around you, pulling the sheet up over the both of you. “I love you, San,” you whisper, resting your chin against his chest to look up at him.
“I love you too,” he responds with a wink, making you giggle, shaking your head at his silliness. Leaning toward him, you press a kiss to his lips, one he returns, kissing you softly. It never ceases to amaze you how gentle San’s kisses can be even if he’s in a bad mood.
“Goodnight, San,” you whisper, moving back to your original position, but not before pressing a soft kiss to San’s chest as well, making him hold you just a little bit tighter.
“Goodnight, love,” he responds softly as you sigh contentedly, hoping San will be able to fall asleep once you do.
With the sound of the waves outside and the gentle, rhythmic thumping of San’s heartbeat, it’s not long before you find yourself drifting to sleep, but not before you make sure to keep brushing your thumb across San’s abs, hoping it’ll comfort him enough to get to sleep.
About fifteen minutes of fighting off sleep later, you dare to lift your head slightly, glancing at San’s face, pleasantly surprised to find his eyes closed peacefully, his breathing steady. Maybe you’d finally figured out what he needed to get to sleep. With a content sigh, you settle back into San’s side, happy his mind finally let him rest.
Moving just a little closer to San, you snuggle into his warmth, letting his heartbeat and the waves lull you to sleep.
#ateez#ateez x reader#atiny#writeblr#san x reader#atz#sagewrites#angst#ateez fanfic#ateez wooyoung#ateez yunho#ateez seonghwa#ateez jongho#ateez yeosang#ateez scenarios#ateez mingi#ateez san#ateez hongjoong#ateez imagines#ateez fic#viral#fyp#fypシ#ateez x female reader#atz x reader#x reader#choi san#choi san x reader#kq entertainment#fanfiction
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SVT when you can't sleep
Requested? No! (But they are still open!)
Genre: Comfort
A/N: This is entirely self-indulgent because I woke up at 3:45am and couldn’t go back to sleep. For this reason, please forgive any typos or mistakes.
Seungcheol
Deeply disturbed when he finds that you are not next to him in bed. Gives it a few minutes, thinking you might have just gotten up to go to the bathroom or get some water, but when the time ticks by, he gets up to find you on the couch, watching TV. “Baby, what are you doing up?” He’ll ask concerned, glancing at the clock. When you say you woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep, he’s plopping onto the couch with you, making you curl into him. You feel bad because he needs his sleep, but he’ll brush you off, saying he’ll stay up with you any night. You do eventually doze off in his warmth while reruns of some sitcom play on the TV and he’ll carefully carry you back to bed.
Jeonghan
He feels you tossing and turning for what feels like hours. He’s tired and maybe even a little bit irritable when he touches your back, asking why you’re still up. He immediately feels bad for his irritability when you say you’re sorry, but that you had a nightmare and couldn’t go back to sleep. He’s tugging you into his side, patting your head in a ‘there, there’ sort of motion, asking you to tell him all about it. It becomes clear that you’re not going back to sleep anytime soon, but that’s okay, because he’ll just lie there next to you and talk, no matter how drowsy he is.
Joshua
Seems to have a sixth sense about when you get out of bed. You’ve barely got your slippers on before he’s asking where you’re going. When you say you just can’t sleep, he looks at the time, which is somewhere around 4am. He shrugs, getting out of bed as well, despite your insistence that he needs his sleep. He starts the coffee pot and gets a skillet out to make breakfast and you’re resigned to the fact that you both are now up for the day. He doesn’t have any complaints, not even when you both are dozing on the couch by 2pm.
Jun
When he realizes that you never actually got to sleep and are just laying in bed scrolling at nearly 1am, Jun simply takes the phone out of your hands and puts it back on the charger. “Play a game with me. Eye spy with my little eye…” You have to laugh because, well, it’s totally dark in the room now. But you play along because everything in your bedroom is familiar to you, even in the dark. You’re kind of touched at how aware of the little things in your room he is, even if he doesn’t live here (yet). Like he knows that you left a blue sweatshirt on the back of your vanity chair, or that there is little green detailing on your jewelry box. You doze off by about the tenth round and Jun keeps quiet after that.
Hoshi
He comes home late from practice and finds that you’re still awake, tossing and turning, and he’s concerned. When you say you just haven’t been able to settle down, he thinks for a split second and says, “Well, I was about to shower. Come with me, maybe the warmth will help.” There’s absolutely nothing suggestive about the idea. He even washes your hair for you, letting you relax as he scratches your scalp for way longer than was probably necessary. You’re out like a light as soon as your head hits the pillow. Now showering before bed, especially with him, is a regular occurrence to wind down.
Wonwoo
When he rolls over in the middle of the night to find that your beside lamp is still on and you’re still reading, he glances at the clock and then raises an eyebrow. “Must be a good book,” he mumbles. When you hum and tell him that it’s actually not, but you just can’t sleep, he’s sitting up next to you, leaning against the headboard. “Just how bad could it be?” He doesn’t acknowledge the ‘can’t sleep’ comment out loud, plucking the book from you and reading to you. He has to admit, the book does kind of suck, but he’s relieved to see that you’ve dozed off to the sound of his voice within a couple chapters.
Woozi
He knows your sleeping habits and also notices some of the things that don’t help it. But he’s hesitant to correct you, so he tries correcting these bad habits by correcting them in himself. Say you’re hanging out late with him while he works. The first thing he’ll do is turn down the caffeine at a certain point, saying he wants to actually get some sleep tonight. The second thing is that he’ll subtly rush to wrap things up quickly for the night so both of you can get home at a decent time. This technique won’t work every night because sometimes you don’t follow his lead or it’ll just be an exceptionally late night for him, but both of you tend to get better sleep when you keep a routine and cut the caffeine.
DK
Didn’t you see this coming? The moment you say you can’t sleep, he’s serenading you. Sometimes it’s sweet and soft with the intent of soothing you, and sometimes it’s goofy and animated with the intent on making you lighten up when you’re particularly frustrated by your bad sleeping habits. Sometimes you scold him to rest his voice, but he Will. Not. Be. Stopped. He’ll sing entire albums for you until you’re sleepy again, so don’t test him.
Mingyu
Prepare to be cocooned the moment you say you can’t sleep. He’s so sweet and he also doesn’t work out for no reason. He’ll literally wrap you in the blanket and hold you tight against his chest, talking sweetly about what might be bothering you. Even if nothing in particular is bothering you and you just can’t sleep, that’s fine too. He’ll stroke your hair and keep you warm until you’re ready to sleep.
Minghao
He absolutely thinks it’s stress. He notices the pattern - when you have a lot going on a work or in your family life, you’re extremely restless. Like Woozi, he might make it seem like it’s for him when he says he wants to try out a new bedtime routine. He likes meditating and decides to do it before bed, asking you to join. Then, when you both are done, he pushes you towards the bedroom, following you with two cups of tea. It doesn’t work right away, but the longer he keeps up this little routine with you, the more he notices that your shoulders are more relaxed and you fall asleep faster.
Seungkwan
One night, you’re exceptionally restless and he asks what’s wrong. You complain that the street lights coming through the windows and all the city noise have been bothering you lately. He lets you be for the night - if you want to toss and turn for a while, if you want to get up, if you want to cuddle, whatever is fine with him. But the next night before bed, he hands you two small boxes, one with a brand new sleep mask and one with small noise cancelling earbuds, encouraging you to try them out. These two things will constantly be replaced and upgraded as needed as long as they seem to help.
Vernon
Might be a little dead to the world when he sleeps, but if you happen to nudge him in the middle of the night saying that you can’t sleep and you seem upset by it, he’s automatically offering to take a walk, no matter how groggy he is. Throws on some clothes and splashes his face with cold water in the bathroom so he can get with the program for you. Walks for hours if you need it - talking or in total silence, headphones or no headphones, holding hands or no physical contact at all. Absolutely does not matter to him. He’ll get back to sleep when you do.
Chan
Another one that makes it seem like it’s for him. He’s noticed your sleeping habits and how run down you seem by it, but doesn’t address it directly. Instead, he says he read an article that described how bad blue light was for sleep and he thinks he wants to try an electronic cleanse a couple hours before bed to see if it helps him. “Are you okay with that?” He’ll ask hopefully. Of course you agree, because it’s for him! He’ll resist the urge to giggle to himself when you pass out almost immediately when your head hits the pillow on the first night of this so-called electronic cleanse. He did not expect it his little plan to be successful so quickly.
#seventeen#svt#seventeen x reader#svt x reader#seventeen reactions#svt reactions#seventeen imagines#svt imagines#seungcheol#jeonghan#joshua#jun#hoshi#wonwoo#woozi#dk#mingyu#minghao#seungkwan#vernon#dino
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Satoru and Suguru, but through Megumi’s eyes?
I’ve thought about this a lot lately, let me explain:
“I.
Megumi is 7, and he wakes up from the same nightmare for the third night in a row. He plods along the hallway, his arms wrapped firmly around his middle, and reaches up to turn the knob on Satoru and Suguru’s door.
The darkness of the room seems to seep out into the hall as he takes a few timid steps into the room. He’s noticed immediately, of course, by the two men in the bed.
“What’s wrong?” Satoru asks immediately, his voice slurred with sleep. Megumi can see him looking at him as his eyes adjust to the low light. Of course, Satoru’s eyes don’t need to adjust, so he knew it was him. He also sees Suguru, who had initially startled awake as well, lie back down, almost immediately asleep.
“Can I sleep here?” Megumi asks, whispering.
Satoru pats the bed next to him, scooting over to let Megumi settle in the middle. Megumi crawls into the bed without another word.
Satoru curls on his side, facing him, and stretches an arm out above Megumi’s head. He ruffles a hand through Megumi’s hair, then buries his hand into Suguru’s hair.
Megumi’s eyelids finally grow heavy again in the warm, safe darkness surrounding him, and he falls asleep to the sound of their even breathing.
II.
Megumi is 10, and he hears the front door open and the door to the hallway bathroom slam. He’s sitting in front of the living room TV playing video games, and he turns around to see Satoru hanging up his keys. He smiles softly at Megumi. Suguru must have been the door-slammer, then.
Megumi hears retching from behind the bathroom door. He stands up to go check, to help. Satoru shakes his head no—not unkindly, but definitively. “I know you’re worried, but he’s okay. Just a hard mission. I’m going to go help, okay? Just giving him a second. Everyone needs a second sometimes, yeah?” Satoru fills the electric tea kettle with water and flicks it on.
“If you really want to help, you can fill this mug up with water when the kettle beeps. Not all the way to the top, just most of the way,” Satoru says, taking a mug down from the cabinet and slicing up a chunk of ginger, throwing the slices into the mug.
Then, he walks into the bathroom and closes the door behind him.
Megumi stands by the kettle, taking his post seriously, waiting patiently for it to beep.
III.
Megumi is 15, and he isn’t supposed to be home yet.
He rounds the corner next to his bedroom door when he hears them.
“He loves him, Sugu. And I don’t—I don’t know—I mean, can I save him?” Satoru gasps, clearly crying.
“I know. Breathe. This isn’t your fault, you’re doing what you can. You always do,” Suguru murmurs in response, and Megumi hears the bed creak as he shifts his position.
“Megumi will never forgive me if I have to kill Yuji. Never, Suguru,” Satoru’s sobs are muffled now, likely against Suguru’s chest.
“Satoru, let’s cross that bridge when we get to it. Hell, if we get to it. You don’t know that it’ll ever be relevant,” Suguru’s voice is soothing, softer than Megumi is used to hearing it.
Satoru doesn’t respond, and the next thing Megumi hears is Suguru’s gentle plea : “You have to breathe, Toru, come on, count with me.”
He walks away from the door.
IV.
Megumi is 16, and he isn’t sure what woke him. His phone screen tells him it’s 1:27 a.m. Maybe Satoru finally made it home from his mission.
He ambles out of his bedroom, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, just to make sure.
He hears hushed voices before he rounds the corner to the living room. Unsure why anyone would be up that isn’t Satoru, who likely wouldn’t be talking to himself, Megumi is suddenly on alert. He slides his back against the wall, peering around the corner to see who’s there.
It’s Suguru.
He exhales.
After seeing Suguru’s face, however, he feels like his sigh of relief may have been premature.
“Do you want to take a shower, maybe?” Suguru murmurs, standing in front of Satoru where he sits on the couch, pulling off his boots. Satoru places the shoes next to the couch and lets his forehead fall against Suguru’s abdomen. Suguru is quick to wrap a hand around his head, threading his fingers through the hair that isn’t matted down under his blindfold.
“I just want to sleep,” Satoru sighs, and Megumi immediately notices how weary he sounds. His clothing is, as usual, clean and untouched, a byproduct of Infinity, but wherever he’d been had clearly taken a toll on him. Suguru massages Satoru’s head at the temples.
“Come on, I’ll turn off the lights and start the water,” Suguru whispers.
Satoru nods, inhaling shakily.
“Hey, I’ve got you,” Suguru breathes, sitting down on his heels to rest his forehead against Satoru’s.
Megumi, suddenly feeling the weight of his intrusion, creeps back to his room as quietly as possible.
V.
Megumi is 17, and he hears Satoru and Suguru arguing in the kitchen. He pulls out a headphone to listen, pausing the music he’d been listening to while doing homework on the living room floor.
“I just don’t feel like it, Satoru. Isn’t that a good enough reason?”
“No, because you never ‘feel like it’ anymore! You’d think I was asking you for a miracle, not to literally just go out for the evening.”
“Well, you never ‘feel like’ doing anything I want to do either. When’s the last time you sat and read a book with me, huh?”
“That’s different, Suguru, I’ve never done that. You know what I’m saying, and you’re purposefully ignoring it.”
Suguru doesn’t reply.
“Things are bad again, aren’t they?”
Suguru still doesn’t reply.
“Please talk to me.”
“I don’t want to talk. I just want to sleep. You go out. Invite Shoko; she’ll appreciate it.”
“I want to help you, you asshole. Stop pushing me away.”
“I don’t want your help, Satoru.”
Satoru laughs harshly at this.
“Yeah, well, you sure as fuck need it.”
“Fuck you.”
“Fuck you! Are you kidding me? You’re just content to rot, going to work and then coming home and sleeping your life away? Or some other fucking mindless activity? It’s not normal, Suguru. It’s not healthy. And I’m not just going to sit by and watch you do it.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Suguru raises his voice, which catches Megumi off guard. He never yells.
“Nothing about this is normal, Satoru. My life, our lives, me. I’m not normal. Do you think I like this? Feeling fucking hopeless, not having the energy to do anything, fucking sitting on the floor in the shower because it’s too much to stand—“
“—Suguru, listen—“
“—Don’t interrupt me.”
They are silent for a few long moments.
“I’m sorry,” Suguru says, raggedly.
“No, I’m sorry, I said I wanted to help and I’m definitely not helping,” Satoru sighs.
“I—Satoru, I—“ Suguru tries, then stops.
“Things are bad again,” Suguru settles on, his voice breaking.
Megumi doesn’t hear Satoru reply, just the sound of a chair scraping against the floor.
Satoru only speaks when Suguru starts crying.
Whatever Satoru says to him is too soft for Megumi to hear.
#gojo satoru#jjk#satosugu#geto suguru#jjk fanfic#jujutsu kaisen#angst#jjk suguru#satosugu fanfic#jjk geto#megumi fushiguro#i love parental gojo
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surprise | myg
this is an extra chapter of the so it goes series.
—pairing: rapper!yoongi x reader
—rating: +18
—genre: established relationship, ex fwb, angst, fluff
—warnings/tags: implied smut, lots of angst, fluff, subtle talk about aborti0n, DON’T trust my poor knowledge in contraceptive methods and use condoms!! english is not my first language btw
—words: 7.6k
a/note: this is proof that if you ask me enough, I'll finish writing my wips!! it's been a long time but I finally get to post the surprise drabble I've been planning and it makes me sososo happy to come back to this couple 😭 I missed them so much I just hope you missed them as much as I did!! BTW I was planning to post this after two other drabbles, so if you read any additional information it's because this was intended to be posted after that, but i wanted to post this so badly😭 so here it is!! hehe anyway enjoy!!
A few years ago, when you and Yoongi were beginning to be a thing and you still lived with your best friend, Nayeon, while he lived alone in his big apartment, he picked up this habit of begging you to stay the night with him every time you visited, even though he knew you couldn’t. You used to say no, trying hard to ignore the way he kissed your neck and sneaked his hands under your blouse while explaining that, if you said yes, he was willing to wake up early and drive you to your first class the next day. You'd think that after the first or maybe even the second time he tried this, the effect would wear off, but you ended up agreeing every single time.
Back then everything was so new to him, he couldn’t remember the last time he liked someone that much, he didn’t know what was happening to him and why he wanted to spend every night with you, why he couldn’t keep his hands off you. Sure you were pretty, sure you were beautiful and funny, and your lips tasted like strawberries and you looked at him like one else ever did, maybe it had something to do with that, who knew? The only thing he knew was that he felt like a teenager everytime you kissed him, or every time you ran your fingers through his hair or every time you were naked under him, or on top of him, or anywhere close to him for that matter.
It took Yoongi a few hits, ten drunk nights and way too many days to realize that you were the only thing that he needed, that the world only made sense if you were by his side.
With time, Yoongi learned to kiss slowly, to make love slowly, to take things with ease; he learned that you were going nowhere, but there were still those moments where he felt he couldn’t get enough of you; like tonight, to be exact.
You were sure that in the last four years of dating Yoongi you had made it clear enough that you were a city girl, and you were certain your boyfriend knew that. You loved the noise and the chaos—the people bumping into each other on the streets, the busy days and nights. It wasn’t something you planned to give up anytime soon; this was the perfect time in your life to embrace the city's hustle. You’d have plenty of time for a quiet life when you got older.
Yoongi liked the city too—he enjoyed the view from his apartment window and the convenience of ordering food at any hour of the night. But he also loved road trips and sleeping in the middle of nowhere in a tent, bonfires, fishing and swimming in lakes. Yoongi had always been into camping, but instead of planning a trip with his good old friend Seokjin, who didn’t mind sleeping in a tent and loved fishing, he invited you—someone who hated bugs and couldn’t stand the idea of walking more than three minutes to find a bathroom.
You were still trying to decide whether not being able to say no to Yoongi was a problem, but it was his last free week before going back on tour. When he looked at you with starry eyes and asked you to go on a trip with him, which included spending the last two days sleeping in a tent, you couldn’t say no.
It was only two days, you were sure you could endure not sleeping in a proper bed for that long if that made him happy, you made the effort of not complaining just for tonight, after all you only had tickets to go visit him on tour in exactly five weeks, you were going to miss him.
It was easy not to complain when Yoongi’s plans for your last night together were exclusively romantic; he cooked for you, built a campfire and spent the rest of the night stargazing until it was too cold to be outside, and when you were inside the tent he made sure to have hot water bags under the blankets, but they were no use when he was determined to get you naked.
Did you mention that it was still winter?
Now you were trapped in a tent with him, straddling him as he kissed you deeply and gripped your thighs, begging you to ride him against your lips. That was when you started to complain.
You felt your whole body shivering when Yoongi’s warm hands pulled your t-shirt over your head, leaving you almost naked. You hugged your torso, attempting to cover your breasts as you sat straight on top of your boyfriend, who was comfortably laying on the sleeping bag, fully clothed.
“Yoongi, I’m cold.” You whined.
“C’mon, it’s going to wear off” He tried to convince you, rubbing his palms over your shoulders to keep you warm. You shook your head, laying your head on his still clothed chest as he covered your bare back with the blanket. It was easy for him to say that when he was wearing sweatpants and a long sleeve t-shirt.
You knew that Yoongi was already missing you. He was fully aware that after tonight, he wouldn’t see you for a whole month and he wanted to make it last as long as he could, to hold you and kiss you as much as you let him. He had gotten too used to you—used to sleeping and waking up next to you, having you all to himself—but it became a problem every time he had to leave for work, it was impossible not to miss you. You still had texts, calls and FaceTime, but he was also taking into account time difference, work, and the fact that all of that wasn’t the real thing. And if you were honest, you were already missing him too.
“What if I catch a cold?” You mumbled over his shirt.
Yoongi kissed the top of your head, running his hands down your bare back and sending chills to your spine. How was he able to get you almost naked but you didn’t even get the chance to take off his t-shirt? “It’s not that cold.” He said, not willing to give up.
You raised your head to look at him, frowning “Says the person who’s still fully clothed.”
He huffed, flipping you over to leave you under him. Suddenly, warmth rushed over you as you felt his body hovering over your frame. He was quick to take off his own t-shirt, trying to make you happy, but he quickly realized that maybe you were right, it was fucking cold, but he wasn’t going to back down.
“Happy now?”
“No, it’s freezing out there!” You kept complaining “Why do we have to do it without clothes? I don’t mind clothes, I actually think that doing it while being dressed is quite hot.”
You threw your arms around his neck, bringing him closer to you. Even though you were in fact turned on from the kissing and grinding session you had a few moments ago, you still were thinking about the logistics of fucking inside the tent.
Yoongi scoffed, amused. “And I actually think that you being naked is quite hot, too.” He said, sneaking his face in the crook of your neck to trail down little kisses, nibbling the skin softly. “C’mon, baby. I won’t see you for weeks, let me make love to you.”
You tried not to roll your eyes. “You had been using that excuse the whole trip.” And you’ve fallen for it every time. His plans for this trip were very simple: fishing, camping and fucking you on every opportunity he had. It was not like you were against it, it has been a long time since you and him had time only for the two of you.
“But isn’t it true?” He gazed up, looking at you with his soft eyes, his hair falling like a curtain on his face. “I’m gonna miss you.”
You took a second to observe the tenderness of his features, to take in the softness of his voice, and for a moment there you knew why it was so hard to say no to him, you just didn’t want to say no.
You closed your eyes, scrunching your nose. “We are gonna make such a mess.” You whined, but he just chuckled, knowing he won.
“I’ll take care of it, I promise.” He said with a soft voice, reaching for your lips as he roamed his hands towards your chest. You didn’t exactly know how he was going to “take care of it”, but his hands were gentle, the kiss was slow and when he opened his mouth to let his tongue slip past your lips, you were too into it to keep protesting about it.
As you sat on the cold bathroom floor of the home you shared with Yoongi, you tried to remind yourself of two basic things that you hoped would stop the sinking feeling in your chest. First, three weeks without Yoongi never killed anyone, this was something you knew from experience, Yoongi’s job demanded him to travel all the time, you were used to it, or at least you were supposed to be. Second, you were an independent woman (right?). You have been an independent woman since you were eighteen when you moved to Seoul alone, since you started a new life in a new city on your own. You woke up at six am everyday, worked hard your whole shift, paid the bills every month and managed to keep your house in order every day of the week. Sure, you loved Yoongi, and he loved you, and you could never imagine a life without him, but you didn’t need him, you wanted him. He wasn’t an extension of you, you were your own person, but why did you feel like the world was about to end right now if he was not there?
Crying your heart out like a five year old kid, you remembered the only time you had to take a pregnancy test, and how it looked nothing like this.
Four years ago when you and Yoongi still didn’t kiss in front of your friends, when he still thought twice before holding your hand in public but still had the nerve of sneaking in your bed. That seemed like a hundred years ago, a universe away, but no, it was not too long ago when you were stubborn and kind of irresponsible for agreeing with him as he kissed your neck and ran his hands down your thighs while asking you if it was okay for him to “pull out” that night, since both of you completely forgot about condoms. You winced at the memory, but in your defense, you were too far gone to say no, take a cold shower and kiss him goodnight. You agreed only for that night, but three weeks later you were three days late and losing your mind, the only logical thing to do was to take a pregnancy test that, of course, came negative, but to this day you couldn’t shake the anxious feeling that you felt in your stomach those minutes before the negative sign appeared, and you couldn’t forget how pale Yoongi’s face turned when you told him about it.
And now you were there, one hand covering your face while the other held a pregnancy test—only this time, it was positive.
The one on your hand wasn’t the only one, no. There were two other positive tests laying on the floor in front of you, and even if you wanted to not trust the results, they couldn’t be all wrong, right? The plus sign was very clear in each one of them and you were five days late. The problem was that you were on the pill, you had been on the pill for the last couple years and this never happened to you, this wasn’t something normal or a simple mistake.
You breathed out, trying not to panic. You got up on your bare feet to look at yourself in the mirror. You were a mess, that was not a surprise at all, your face was all swollen for the amount of time you have been crying and your hair was a big nest above your head. You washed your face, attempting to remain calm and evaluating your options. You glanced at your phone resting on the sink, and an overwhelming urge to call your mother surged within you, but as you imagined how the conversation would go, you quickly realized it wouldn’t be a good idea.
Your mother was not nosy, but she could be a little dense, a bit complicated, and it was not what you needed right now. You were sure that calling her while having a mental breakdown was going to drive her crazy, and consequently, drive you crazy too. She would want to know every single detail, date, place and hour to understand the situation better, and you would have to explain something you didn’t even understand yet. You could imagine the conversation, she would try to explain every contraceptive method like you were a teenager and ask why you didn’t use a condom, because you knew she would ask, and you didn’t want to explain to her how you went on vacation with your boyfriend to have a bunch of condomless sex, the thought alone made you want to vomit.
Calling your mother was not an option, not only because talking to her on the phone was complicated enough, but because she was in a different city, which brought you to discard calling Nayeon too, who was on vacation with her boyfriend (yes, boyfriend, that sounded ridiculous to you, too.)
The last option was something you couldn't even fathom doing unless you were desperate, but you know what they say, desperate times call desperate measures, so you blew your nose, brushed your hair and called the only person in this city who would come running without asking any questions, Jungkook.
Breaking the news to the person in front of you wasn’t easy, especially when the words you needed to say were as unreal as they sounded. You didn’t look much better, you spent the next thirty minutes that Jungkook took to arrive crying, as Holly, the brown fluffy dog, looked at you like you just went mad, the worst thing was that you weren’t far from it. It was difficult to keep it together when your mind refused to look at the bright side of things, when you couldn’t call your mom and Yoongi was in another country, but when Jungkook rang your bell and entered through the door, you tried your best to smile at him and act like you weren’t in the middle of a mental breakdown.
Your act wasn’t convincing, your friend looked at you like you were about to tell him that you killed someone and you needed help to hide the body.
You would have never recur to a man other than Yoongi for this kind of situation, but you decided to trust your ten years of friendship with the man in front of you and hope that he could be of any help.
“You are what?” Said Jungkook, standing in the middle of the living room with his eyes wide open, trying to understand the meaning of your words.
There, in your pajamas and your hands on your hips, you closed your eyes shut, sighing. “Jungkook…” You said through gritted teeth.
“I’m serious.” He said, letting his backpack drop to the floor. “I crossed half the city to get here, are you not kidding me right now?”
“I’m serious, too!” You whined “I’m not kidding, I don’t know what to do.”
He slowly approached you, walking towards the couch to take a seat. He suddenly felt his blood pressure dropping, his stomach sinking and his mouth dry as if he was the one developing a human organism inside his body. “Are you sure?” He murmured. “Are you not having one of those crises you had when you were a teenager? I remember that time in college when you freaked out when you thought you were pregnant because some guy-”
“Jungkook, I’m sure.” You interrupted him, already knowing the whole story, but this time it was not just you overreacting. “My period is late and I took three tests, all positive.”
He gulped, letting the room fall silent for a few seconds as both of you contemplated what that meant. You knew he was trying his best not to freak out, so you were grateful for his reaction, at least he didn’t faint like you expected him to do, but he was still white as a sheet, trying to find a solution in his head as though you had told him he was the one who was going to be a father.
“What are we gonna do?” He said under his breath.
“What am I gonna do?” You corrected him, sitting next to him “You are supposed to help me.”
Jungkook took one hard look at you, looking terrified. “How?”
“God, I shouldn’t have called you.” You rolled your eyes.
“No, I mean, what do you want to do?” He said. “Did you tell Yoongi?”
“Of course not.” You replied, feeling your eyes getting teary, but still trying to hold back.
“Do you want to… tell him?” He continued to ask.
You sniffed “I mean, I don’t know how.” You pouted “I’m seeing him in two weeks, I don’t know if I can wait that long.”
He threw himself back against the couch, sinking in the cushions. It was like Jungkook’s life flashed before his eyes, how come he was discussing this with you right now? He still felt like you were kids, there was no way you were pregnant right now. “How did this happen?” He murmured to himself, looking at the blank wall in front of him.
“Is it necessary for me to explain it?” You cried, snuggling closer to him as you rested your head on his shoulder.
“Did you not use condoms?” He scolded you like he was your mother.
You shifted your weight uneasily, eyes darting down to your socks. “We don’t… use condoms.” You cleared your throat, the words coming out hushed and hesitant. “I’m on the pill, I don’t know what happened.”
On second thought, that wasn’t something Jungkook wanted to know. It was like finding out how his parents had sex, he squirmed at the thought, shifting in his place. “Can you not call your doctor?” He suggested, his voice laced with uncertainty.
You paused, considering it. It was probably the most logical thing Jungkook could say, but you weren’t sure if your doctor could do anything about it.
“Even if I call her and tell her what's going on, it’s not like I can get a refund.” You huffed, a dry smile tugging at your lips.
He raised an eyebrow. “Well…” he began, dragging the word out. “In some way, you could get a refund.” You blinked at him, opening your eyes wide in surprise. “I mean only if you want to!”
You were so nervous you wanted to laugh. It wasn’t like the thought didn’t cross your mind for a moment, but only when you tried to evaluate your options; if you were being honest, you couldn’t see yourself getting rid of the baby—or whatever organism had been living rent-free in your body for the past three weeks. Jungkook looked terrified that you might explode at him, especially when it seemed like you were on the verge of tears, but his question made you think, if you didn’t want to get rid of it, what was that you wanted to do?
You sank your shoulders, feeling completely lost. “That’s the problem.” You murmured “I don’t know if I want a refund.”
Jungkook stood still for a moment, his eyes softening as he watched you. His thoughts swirled, trying to grasp the weight of your words.
"Would Yoongi want a refund?" He asked, his tone lighter than before, but the sincerity in his voice was unmistakable. Despite the attempt at humor, his eyes betrayed the concern he was masking with the joke.
A shaky exhale left your lips, the weight of uncertainty pulling you down. “I don’t know…” Was the only thing you could say.
“But do you know if Yoongi wanted… kids?” He said as if that was a forbidden word. “I mean, do you want them?”
It wasn’t like you didn’t know what Yoongi wanted. You sighed, suddenly remembering all those times when the idea of a family came up in conversations, between drunken thoughts, before falling asleep, at dinner with his parents and on the ride home when he apologized on his mother’s behalf when she asked when you were going to give her grandchildren. His soft eyes, his hand on your tight and the view of the future laying in front of you like a promise. The thought warmed your heart for a moment, but the truth was that there was a difference between talking about it and actually having kids.
“We’ve talked about it…” You admitted. “But we’ve never planned it, let alone now that he’s on tour.”
Jungkook hummed, still thinking.
“But you both agreed to have kids at some point.” He affirmed, and you just nodded.
It was in that moment where you realized you were crying again, tears slowly falling down your cheeks as you stood in silence, contemplating the overwhelming weight of the situation.
“Fuck, don’t cry.” Jungkook said, rushing to wrap his arms around you, he enveloped you in a tight hug. As soon as you buried your face into his chest, something inside you gave away. You began sobbing against his hoodie, the tears flowed freely and uncontrollable, unable to hold yourself back. “C’mon, it’s okay, you’re okay. Nothing bad’s gonna happen.” His voice was soft but firm, holding you tightly. He pulled back just enough to look at you, his thumb gently wiping away a tear from your cheek, his gaze filled with nothing but concern. “You don’t need to have it all figured out right now. Let’s go step by step, okay?”
You nodded, feeling like a kid lost in the mall. “Okay, if you want to see him as soon as possible, you have to change your flight first.” He said, but you shook your head, trying not to panic.
“He’s going to ask why.” You said, your voice hoarse “What am I going to tell him?”
He kept silent, his eyes fixed on a distant point as he was trying to come up with a solution.
“Let’s not tell him.” He proposed.
“What do you mean let’s not tell him?”
“I’m leaving for tour next weekend, you should come with me and not tell him.” He kept going “Say that you missed him and you wanted to surprise him or some shit like that, and when you get him alone you talk to him about this.”
Now you were reminded that Jungkook had to leave to join Yoongi on tour in just a few days, you completely forgot about that. It was not like you couldn’t get on an airplane alone, but if your friend was going to be there you were sure it would make things easier.
You couldn’t believe it. After so many years you were there, sad and upset and still with the same idiot as a friend, willing to follow whatever plan he was going to make for you. You didn’t know if the plan actually sounded good or you were losing your mind for listening to Jungkook.
“Jungkook, Yoongi texts me all the time, he facetimes me everyday. It’s impossible to travel to another country without him noticing.”
“It’s not impossible, I’m gonna help you.” He insisted “If he texts you, you say you’re at home, if he wants to facetime you, you say you’re busy, turn off your location, it shouldn't be difficult.”
“It is difficult, what if he realizes I turned off my location?” You groaned, running your finger through your hair exasperatedly.
“You say it stopped working or something! C’mon, I thought you were smarter than me.”
You threw yourself back against the couch, crossing your arms on your chest, it was almost comical that you were considering the idea. Your friend could sense the hesitation in every move you made, he could only hope that you agreed because his mind couldn’t come up with another idea if his life depended on it.
“Jungkook, if he suspects anything…” You raised a finger, digging it on his chest.
“He won’t suspect a thing,” He affirmed confidently. “When have any of my plans ever gone wrong? Never. Trust me, by the time you get back home, you’ll have already decided to name your baby after me.”
You rolled your eyes, unable to hide your laugh and punching him in the arm playfully. The tension was still there, and you still felt an inexplicable ache in your chest that wasn’t going away anytime soon, but being there with Jungkook made you feel that this wasn’t the end of the world, nor of your life, but the beginning of it.
Jungkook's plan wasn’t the master plan he had been bragging about the whole airplane ride, but it worked. A few days later, after a few calls and arrangements to change your flight, after another three mental breakdowns and several crying sessions in the shower, you had somehow arrived in Berlin without Yoongi suspecting a thing. You had managed to dodge facetime calls and weird questions, maybe Yoongi missed you so much that he didn’t have time to question why you couldn’t wait two more weeks to see him when you arrived at the hotel and hugged in the hall, because, if he were honest, he couldn’t wait two more weeks to see you either.
Yoongi was happy with the surprise, you went to see his show that night and after arriving to his hotel room he made love to you like he hadn’t seen you in a year, kissing your neck, grabbing your waist, murmuring things in your ear, saying how much he loved you, how much he missed you. For a moment it was like nothing changed, the two of you sharing what happened these last three weeks tangled between sheets, laughing between kisses as you ignored why you were there in the first place.
“You can’t keep spending time away from me.” He said, hovering over you as he left a small kiss on your lips. “I’ll keep you in my pocket if it’s necessary.”
You sighed, knowing that you couldn’t keep this a secret for much longer, but for tonight, you’ll let it slide.
You didn’t know when you were returning home, but you promised yourself that before leaving for the next city, you would have to break the news to Yoongi, which was becoming more difficult by the second, because if you were good at something, that was procrastinating. It was absurd, a few days ago you were crying because all you wanted to do was to have your boyfriend by your side and now you couldn’t even look him in the eye without feeling like you were about to throw up, and your mind wasn’t helping at all. All those doubts invaded your head, attempting to drive you crazy, making you believe you were not ready to tell him yet.
Three days later, when you finished the last show in Berlin, Jungkook gave you a knowing look as you were leaving the arena holding Yoongi’s hand. He knew that you haven’t said a thing to Yoongi yet, he was all over you like he was your mother, asking you if you were okay, if you needed anything, when you were going to tell Yoongi, it almost made you regret telling him, but you knew he was right.
A night was all you needed, just one night to gather your thoughts and practice what you were going to say. You couldn’t keep declining glasses of wine forever, you could only hope no one noticed how weird you were acting, how sensitive you were since you stepped foot out the plane. Time was running out; you knew that when Yoongi invited you to an after-party before the whole crew left Berlin. Instead of telling him the truth, you simply said you weren’t in the mood to go, hoping that your time alone would help to gather enough courage to confess.
You weren’t trying to keep Yoongi with you, you told him a million times that he should go without you and that there was no problem with it. You hid under the blanket and hugged your body, watching him change his shirt into a black tee. He ran his finger through his hair in an attempt to tame it, looking at himself into the mirror and stealing a glance towards your reflection. He knew you too well not to notice the sad expression on your face as you scrolled through your phone, searching for a Disney movie to watch while he was out. He turned around, approaching the bed and kneeling beside you to catch your eyes.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” He asked once again.
“Yeah, I just need one night.” You said, which was true. You needed a few more moments to finish fighting with your own thoughts.
“But are you okay?” He continued to ask, cupping your jaw in his palm.
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” The words came out of your mouth with more emotion than you intended to, he couldn’t ignore it.
“I don’t know… You look like you want me to stay.”
There was a beat of silence in the room. The sweetness of his voice broke your heart into a million pieces. You couldn’t say yes and make him stay just because you were feeling down and you really had no problem with him leaving, but you didn’t have the heart to tell him no either. You were full of contradictions, wanting to be alone but wanting to be with him at the same time, something in your chest pulled, wanting him close.
“What makes you think that?” You murmured, fighting the urge to cry. God, you were too sensitive.
“Mmm… The Disney movie kinda gives you away.”
You huffled, playing with the fingers of his hands without looking at him. “I don’t want to ruin your fun… You should go, I mean it.”
He scoffed “You won’t, there’s going to be a bunch of parties until the tour ends, this one is nothing.”
“They’ll miss you…”
“You’ll miss me, too.”
“But do you want to stay, though?” You asked him a whisper.
“Of course I want to… But you have to let me choose the movie.” He warned, automatically making you giggle.
Letting Yoongi choose the movie was the worst decision you have made in the last week so far, but you felt grateful he couldn’t see you as he hugged your waist and rested his chin on your shoulder, because as the ending of Inside Out approached, you were sure you were about to cry.
When you arrived at the airport you promised yourself not to cry anymore, not in front of Yoongi at least, but your body was full of emotions you didn’t even know you could feel. It was certain that you’ve always been a sensitive person, you cried at the drop of a hat, Yoongi was familiar with that, but now it was impossible to stop it.
You’d stopped paying attention to the screen entirely; one by one, your darkest thoughts crept in, pressing heavily on your chest. The feelings you’d tried so hard to bury rose up, churning uneasily in your stomach, and when you least expected it, tears began to fall down your cheeks.
A sob escaped from your lips at the same time the main character began to cry, making your boyfriend shift in his place.
“Are you crying?” Yoongi suddenly asked, softly grabbing your shoulder to turn you around. He looked at your face, at first amused, thinking you were crying because of the movie. But his expression softened when he saw the sadness in your eyes and the damp lashes heavy with tears. You covered your face, unable to hold back, and the sobs came harder, each one swallowing the words you couldn’t say. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” He reached for your arms, attempting to pull them away from your face, but you turned away, burying your face in the pillow.
“Nothing,” You lied, desperate to avoid this conversation again. “I’m just… emotional, I don’t know.” Your voice cracked, hoarse, as the emotions you were trying to hide slipped through.
Yoongi was confused, but mostly worried. You had been weird since the day you arrived, he would be a fool not to notice.
He turned the light of the lamp on the nightstand, illuminating the room with a soft orange light and turned the tv off.
“Hey, look at me.” He softly said, brushing your hair with his fingers, it only made you want to cry harder. “I know something’s up, I’m not a dummy.”
You turned to him, hitting him with the most heartbreaking sight he could witness, your face soaked in tears, nose and eyes red as you pouted at him. What was so wrong to make you cry like that?
“What do you know?” Was the only thing you could say, daring to be upset at him when he hadn't done anything wrong.
He frowned at your tone. “Well, I know that you suddenly came here two weeks earlier just because. You are weird, you almost don’t eat, your suitcase is almost untouched like you’re going to leave anytime soon, you look… sad? I don’t know, baby, you tell me.”
You kept silent for a second, wiping the tears with the sleeve of your t-shirt. Uncomfortable, you sat in the bed, taking a deep breath as your mind completely blanked. You didn’t realize yet, but there was no way to get out of this one.
Contrary to popular belief, your boyfriend was kind of a dummy. You confirmed it when he decided to say the following words.
“Is it because of Lily?” He said, making you dart your eyes at him. “You don’t like her being here?
You couldn’t blame Yoongi for not understanding why you were crying, but the suggestion that you were jealous of one of his coworkers made you want to punch him. Lily was one of the new producers at Yoongi’s label, and a few months ago, Yoongi had noticed that you were starting to feel uneasy about the amount of time she was spending with him, which led him to realize that you were beginning to feel unexpectedly jealous of her. Yes, that was a whole deal back then, but it was water under the bridge now; the fact that she was touring with him and the boys didn’t faze you. The idea that he thought you were crying because of her was ridiculous.
“Yoongi, are you kidding me?”
“No, I’m not.” He defended himself. “The last time I saw you we were fine, but now you’re here crying and I don’t have a clue what I did wrong.”
Suddenly, you felt your heart sink. He hadn’t done anything wrong; it was you who was an emotional wreck, struggling to keep your feelings in check. A wave of guilt washed over you for the mess you’d just created, convinced there must have been ways to prevent all this conflict. But now, all you could do was sit there, tangled in the aftermath of your own emotions.
You sighed, defeated. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” You said “And it’s not about Lily, I couldn’t care less about that… It’s just that- … Yoongi…”
“Baby…” He said in the same tone as you, “What is it?”
As Yoongi’s gentle question hung in the air, you felt a knot tighten in your chest. The truth sat heavy on your tongue, you glanced away, fidgeting with the edge of your sleeve, buying time as your thoughts spiraled. “Yoongi, my period is late.” You confessed, observing Yoongi’s eyes go wide, his brows lifting in surprise as he tried to understand what he just heard. “It’s been a week now, I don’t know what happened. I tried to wait, but I had to take a test”
“A test?” he asked, voice low, surprise flickering in his eyes.
“A pregnancy test, Yoongi.” You said, trying not to roll your eyes. “I took three damn tests.”
“And what-... what happened?” He asked, his voice unsteady, eyes fixed on yours.
The room felt suddenly smaller, the air thick with unspoken fears and questions. A quiet stillness settled between you both, there was a weight to the silence, stretching out the seconds as you waited for whatever words would come next.
“I mean, guess what happened,” you whispered. Before you could finish the sentence, you got up and reached for the zipper on your suitcase pocket. Your hand closed around the large object, and you felt his eyes on the back of your neck, following you as you moved around the hotel room. Returning to the bed, you sat down and handed him the pregnancy test.
Yoongi didn’t know anything about pregnancy tests—he’d never needed to. He’d always been careful, using protection with every girl he’d been with, including you, until things had started to get serious. So no, he wasn’t familiar with the variety of pregnancy tests out there. But now, here he was, staring at a white stick with a tiny screen, showing a clear positive sign, which could only mean one thing.
Yoongi’s hands trembled slightly as he held the pregnancy test, his gaze locked onto the tiny screen, staring at it for a moment, speechless. His heartbeat thundered in his ears, loud enough that he thought you might hear it. Now everything made sense, how you said you were nauseous in the morning, each time you refused to drink wine, how you looked like you were about to cry when you saw a stroller with twins this afternoon at the park. How could he not notice?
You pressed your lips together, feeling the familiar sting of tears welling up once more. A small, shaky hiccup escaped your lips, breaking the silence and snapping him out of his daze. “No, no, no,” He murmured urgently, setting the test aside and pulling you close, lifting you effortlessly onto his lap. His arms wrapped around your waist as you buried your face in your hands, trying to hold back the tears. “Hey, there’s no reason to cry,” He whispered, gently guiding your face up, his fingers lifting your chin as he coaxed your hands away. “C’mon, look at me.” His voice was soft, reassuring, his gaze full of warmth and understanding.
“I don’t know how it happened.” You blurted out, your voice shaking with uncertainty.
“That doesn’t matter now, why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, you could tell he was trying to remain calm by the soft tone of his voice, but his face had gone as white as paper, like he’d just seen a ghost.
“I arranged the flight to see you as soon as possible, but... I was scared. I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t,” you admitted, your words barely a whisper.
“Baby, you don’t have to be scared, okay? You can tell me anything.” He assured you, his hand gently squeezing yours. But the uneasy feeling in your stomach refused to go away.
“I know, but… we haven’t planned for this,” you murmured, glancing down. “It just… came out of nowhere.”
“Well, it didn’t exactly come out of nowhere. These things can happen,” he said gently, a faint smile tugging at his lips. You groaned, burying your face in his chest.
“But it wasn’t supposed to happen,” you whined, your voice muffled against him. “I didn’t expect this at all. I was drowning in work when I found out. I’m stressed, I’m lost, I don’t know what to do… and I miss my mom.” The words tumbled out in a frantic ramble, and you were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t even notice the soft laugh he let slip.
“You miss your mom?” he asked softly, careful not to upset you further.
“Yes!” you cried, voice cracking. “I feel like a kid lost in the supermarket.”
He shook his head gently and brushed away your tears with his thumbs, pulling you closer. “Baby…” he began, his tone soothing.
“Yoongi…” you whispered, lifting your head to meet his gaze. His expression was still worried, but the warmth in his eyes was reassuring.
“You’re right, we didn’t plan this. But we’ve talked about it before, and you have options. Whatever you choose, I’ll be right here beside you, no matter what. You know that, don’t you?” He searched your eyes for confirmation, and you nodded, feeling the ache in your chest begin to ease.
As his words sank in, a new wave of emotions stirred inside you. The weight of worry and loneliness began to ease, replaced by a warmth that softened the ache in your chest.
“But… what do you think?” you asked softly. You knew that whatever you decided would ultimately be your choice only, but you needed to know what was going on in his mind.
He sighed, a hint of hesitation in his expression. “I mean… we’re not sixteen, baby. We’re adults, we’re about to buy a house together, and we love each other.”
“Well, those are just facts,” you replied, searching his face. “What I mean is… do you want this, now?”
It was hard for Yoongi to believe you were really asking this. There you were, sitting on his lap with swollen eyes and a red nose from crying, asking him if he wanted to start a family with you—as if that hadn’t been his dream all along. Of course he felt like the life he had been living was going to completely change from now on. It was terrifying, but he couldn’t help but feel excited at the same time.
“I've always wanted it, are you serious?” He laughed, the sound light but filled with disbelief. “And I only want it with you, haven’t I made it clear enough?”
Those were the main differences between the two of you: while he was calm, always taking a moment to think before acting, you were emotional and, more often than not, let your feelings take control of your actions. It was only in that moment that you realized how irrational you’d been. There wasn’t a world where Yoongi didn’t want this, and there certainly wasn’t a world where you didn’t want it either.
“I want it, too,” you whispered, your voice trembling as you fought back tears.
“Then why are you crying, huh?” he asked gently, squeezing your face in an attempt to lighten the mood.
“Because...” you said, struggling to catch your breath. “Maybe you didn’t think it was the right time... You’re on tour right now.”
He frowned, his expression softening with concern. “I won’t be on tour forever...”
“I know, but... we’re not married. What would your parents think?”
He let out a laugh, clearly unable to believe that was a real concern of yours. “You’re not seriously thinking about my parents right now, are you?”
“How could I not?” you said, raising your eyebrows. “What if they force us to marry? God, I don’t want to be one of those couples who only marry because the girl is suddenly pregnant!”
He laughed even harder, shaking his head. “Oh my god, baby, no one’s forcing us to do anything!” He grinned, clearly finding your worry amusing. “If we ever get married, it won’t be because anyone pressured me. Trust me.” He paused, happy to see that the worried expression abandoned your face. “Besides, my parents love you, you have no idea how happy they’ll be once they know. Married or not.”
“Yoongi, it can’t be that simple.”
“But it is.”
You sighed, feeling like all the mess you’d made was for nothing—and thank God it was. You’d been so caught up in your own despair that you hadn’t realized everything in your life was falling into place for this to happen. Yoongi was right. You were about to move into a bigger home, you had your job, Yoongi had his, and you loved each other. You've always wanted it, this was the perfect moment for this to happen. Why had you been so worried?
“You’re right, it is.” You finally admitted, letting your body rest against him.
Yoongi laughed, gently grabbing you by your hips and laying you on the bed, kissing you softly. “You don’t have to worry, baby, not with me.”
“I know.” You breathed out, feeling like a weight was lifted off your shoulders. “But I am-… I’m so scared. How am I gonna have a baby? It sounds crazy.”
“Of course it does, it is.” He said “I’m terrified, too, but we’re together, right? Nothing bad can happen if we have each other.”
You nodded, feeling your chest unclench. “I guess you're right,” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. “I just... needed to hear you say it.”
Yoongi smiled, leaning down to steal another kiss from you, this time deeper, longer. “I love you, baby, don’t you know that?”
You brushed your nose against his, nodding. “I love you, too, bubba.”
“C’mon, baby, stop crying.” He said, making you laugh.
#fic: so it goes#yoongi x reader#yoongi fanfiction#yoongi fanfic#bts x reader#bts smut#min yoongi fanfic#min yoongi x oc#yoongi fic recs#yoongi imagine#yoongi fluff#yoongi smut#yoongi fic#bts masterpost#bts fic rec#yoongi bts#bts one shot
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FWB
Part two Logan Howlett x fem!reader Series masterlist
You and Logan avoid each other for as long as you can. If you know he's in the kitchen or in the simulation room, you will go around the entire mansion just so you don't run into him. If he hears or smells you're in a room he's about to go into, he won't. He'll leave and wait until you go somewhere else.
A few weeks come and go like this. You and Logan don't even look at each other and it's all fine.
Until you go on a mission. There's no avoiding each other now.
It's not even necessary for the two of you to go. Most likely, Storm could handle it on her own. But she needs backup and Scott is too out of it, so you both have to go with her.
You understand Scott. Really, you do. But you kinda wish he'd be in condition to go with Storm and Logan so you wouldn't have to.
That's the only thought that adds bitterness to your day as you get in the jet. And then you see Logan, sitting in his seat, and your mind goes blank.
You remember him, lying in his bed, hard cock in his hand, precum on the tip. You blush at the memory and glance away.
Flustered, you rush to your seat, sit and buckle up and make a point out of staring out the window. You can feel Logan's eyes on you, but you refuse to react at all. Last thing you need is him getting the wrong idea.
But what is the wrong idea? You can't deny that you felt strangely flattered, and also extremely turned on. You'd had to touch yourself that night before you even considered getting any sleep.
You try not to think about it as Storm takes the jet into the air.
The thing is, you and Logan work together and if things go too far, it'll either end real good or real bad.
Most likely, real bad.
You push the idea away and instead try to focus on the mission at hand. You're supposed to find a group of mutants gone astray, wreaking havoc around a small town. Supposedly, their headquarters is in a warehouse, the remnants of an abandoned factor in a long-since forgotten part of the woods. It's in the middle of nowhere.
Storm lands the jet far from where the warehouse is located and glances back at the two of you. “We'll camp here for tonight. We'll move in on them tomorrow morning, the earlier the better,” she says.
You each get to work, setting up your tents, readying your suits, preparing yourself mentally for the coming day.
Night falls. You're in your tent, reading by the light of a flashlight, when you hear something outside. At first, you worry that maybe the trouble-making mutants have found you, but then Logan's head pops in through the flap of your tent.
-
He'd spent hours debating on whether or not to approach you. He knew it would be easier to let the whole thing blow over, but you two wouldn't be able to work if this doesn't get resolved.
So. What better way to resolve things than by sneaking into your tent long after he knows Storm is asleep?
He didn't think it through. He realizes that when he sees the look on your face at his sudden appearance.
“You scared me,” you tell him, huffing softly.
“Sorry,” he mumbles sheepishly as he crawls into the tent, zipping the flaps closed. He sits across from you, awkward both because he's a rather large man in a tent and also because of the situation. “Didn't mean to scare ya. I just...wanted t'talk.”
“Oh,” you say quietly, a soft blush rising on your cheeks. “Yeah. I guess we...we do have to talk.”
He nods. “Okay. I'm...Look. I'm sorry. Really. About...the other night. I didn't mean—It was disrespectful of me. And I definitely didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I really am sorry. And, for what it's worth, I think you're gorgeous, in case that wasn't, y'know, evident.”
You hold his gaze for a moment before laughing softly. “It's okay. It's...Yeah, it's alright. I guess I should've knocked too, I just didn't imagine you'd be...doing...that.” You nod softly, another blush covering your cheeks.
“So we're...good?” he asks softly.
You nod. “We're good.”
He hums, a weight lifted off his shoulders. He glances at his lap before looking up to meet your gaze. He studies your face, your soft lips, your beautiful eyes, the perfect curve of your nose...
He's gawking without realizing it. He only comes to his senses when you laugh and bashfully ask, “What?”
He shakes his head, somewhat embarrassed, and says, “Nothin'. Just...you really are gorgeous.”
You giggle, a soft smile on your lips, and before he can stop himself, he reaches for you, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear.
You slowly fall silent, your eyes on his.
Logan takes a soft breath. “Let me kiss you, bub. Please, you have no idea how much I need it,” he whispers, his gaze falling to your plump lips.
You open your mouth to refuse, to remind him that you two work together and to tell him that you don’t want things to get weird. Instead, you hear yourself plafully say, “Only if you promise to never tell.”
Logan smirks and before you can proces your own fucking answer, he’s tugging you a little closer. “I promise,” he whispers before his lips crash onto yours.
He kisses you hungrily and demanding, his mind whirling from the taste of you.
He knows it's a bad idea. You know it's a bad idea. But the way he kisses you, the way his hands grab onto your body and tug you closer…
How are you supposed to resist?
He shamelessly shows you he wants you in the way his hands trace your body, the way he's basically panting.
He licks your neck, kisses it softly before sucking to leave a hickey. And you let him. God, you let him. How could you not? He's everything a girl could ever want.
He maneuvers you with ease, laying you down on the thin mattress before crawling on top of you. His fingers trace the skin of your waist, your hip, while his other hand holds him above you.
“This okay?” he asks you as his hand slips inside your pants, rubbing at your cunt through your panties.
You nod, breathing hitching. “Yeah.”
“’f you wanna stop, just lemme know,” he says, his mouth focusing on your neck as his fingers work your pussy until you've soaked through your underwear.
He's grinding his hips against your thigh meanwhile, his cock aching for more.
He pulls away for a moment to pull your pants off, then your panties. His eyes fall on your cunt, all slick with arousal, and his cock twitches.
Your scent is so sweet, so strong. He runs two fingers up through your folds, gathering the wetness before bringing them to his lips. He tastes you on his digits and loses whatever was left of his rational mind.
His head is between your thighs in a second, his mouth devouring your cunt like he's never gonna eat again.
You gasp, back arching, pretty mouth open in ecstasy, and Logan just has to watch.
He groans, his large hands moving your thighs to rest on his shoulders as his tongue slips up to your clit, flicking it a couple of times before replacing it with his nose. His tongue traces your entrance, licking up all your slick arousal.
Your fingers tangle in his hair and you don't pull at first, afraid of hurting him. But the more the pressure builds in your womb, the more you lose awareness of being gentle and pull his head where you want it.
Logan groans as you tug on his hair, his fingers digging into your thighs. He traces your clit with his teeth, relishing in the tremor that washes over you.
Smirking slightly, he does it again and again and again until you're pushing him away, moaning as you come on his mouth.
He helps you down from your high before pulling away, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
“You good, bub?” he questions, hand gently caressing your thigh.
You nod, breathing heavy, body boneless from your orgasm. “’m fine.”
Logan adjusts his hard cock in his pants, his breath hitching at the little bit of friction. He's never wanted it this bad…
He stares at you, all spread out, half-naked, blissed out, and he loses it.
“Lemme fuck ya, bub,” he begs, eyes wild, pupils dilated. “Need to put my cock in that pretty cunt ‘f yours.”
You hold his gaze, cheeks flushed a pretty pink. “Do you have a condom?”
He grins. “You bought some f’r me, remember?”
You giggle softly. “I—Yeah, I did, huh?”
He licks his lower lip. “Does that mean I can fuck ya?”
You nod. “Yes.”
He almost growls in relief, his hands quickly undoing his pants. He tosses them aside, then grabs a condom from the pocket of his jacket. He takes the jacket off as well, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths.
He rolls the condom onto himself, his cock hard, the tip an angry red as precum drips from it.
He kneels in front of you, grabbing your legs and tugging you closer to him, making you gasp. His eyes darken at the sound and he jerks himself once, twice, before aligning his cock with your sopping entrance.
“You tell me if you want me to stop,” he says firmly.
“Okay,” you reply, breathless.
He holds your gaze for a moment before he thrusts into you, filling your sweet pussy smoothly.
You cry out, gasping, eyes fluttering shut.
He grunts as you clench around him tightly, his eyes rolling back. “Fuuuuuck, bub. Such a good pussy.”
He glances down as he starts thrusting, watching your cunt stretch to fit him. He grabs one of your legs and moves it onto his shoulder, allowing him to go deeper.
You squeal, eyes wide. “Fuck! Fuck!”
He fucks you hard and deep, the sound of skin on skin loud. He's grunting and groaning like an animal, his dog tags clinking with each thrust.
“Look at ya, bub. So pretty. Such a good girl for me,” he says, voice low and rough. “Look at that cunt. She's so greedy, look how she clenches around me.”
You whine, tears of ecstasy in the corners of your eyes. “L-Logan! Logan!” you moan, thighs quaking.
He chuckles. “Such a pretty slut f’r me. You enjoying yourself, bub?”
You whine, eyes rolling into the back of your head. “Logan!” you squeal.
His hand slips between you, thumb finding your clit and rubbing it in messy circles. He laughs lowly when your pussy tightens around him in response.
“Yeah, you're enjoying yourself.” He smirks, proud of himself, and he fucks you harder.
You begin to mumble, blubbering incoherently, unable to form words. You're just a gasping, sobbing, moaning mess and he's loving it.
“Gonna come already?” he mocks. “I just started with ya. Has no one ever fucked you this good?”
You squeal, gasping. All he can make out is a chorus of please please please please please that you repeat over and over again.
Eventually, he caves. “Yeah, alright. Go on, bub, you can come.”
His words are the final straw. Your orgasm hits you with so much force that you're left seeing starts for a minute or two. Your ears are ringing and your body is weak.
Logan wasn't prepared for how gorgeous you looked as you came. The sight of you along with the way you tightened around him sent him over the edge beforehand, making him gasp and grunt as he spills into the condom.
“Fuck,” he gasps, body shaking as he recovers from the climax. He glances down at you, watching you regain your breath.
Slowly, he lowers your leg from his shoulder before pulling out of you gently.
“You alright there?” he asks you, his knuckles rubbing your cheek tenderly.
You manage a weak nod and he smiles. “Can you talk, bub?”
You open your mouth to try and decide you cannot. You shake your head and he chuckles.
“Fucked dumb. ‘m gonna have a lotta fun with ya, bub. A lotta fun.”
---
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I need sleeping positions with graves, Kate and Keegan. I just love it too much. (And them!)
Hey!! I am so sorry it took me a while to get this done! But I had to do some research into Keegan and Laswell. And Graves as well. I hope my portrayal of them kind of fits and you have fun reading this. Thank you so much for your question, I loved writing this. I was so happy to get your ask in my inbox, I nearly happy danced^^ But on with the show, enjoy! (and if I made some mis-portrayal or some mistakes, please be kind and let me know so that i can rework it? Thanks!)
Sleeping Positions with them III
Keegan P. Russ
Thank God this man isn‘t as heavy built as some of his colleagues
Yes, he is muscled and trained, and muscles weigh more than fat, but he is still less heavy than, say, Ghost
Because this man here is laying on top of you, halfway or fully, covering your body, but his head and his arms need to be able to move. His body slotting in between your legs, his chest on yours, his head at your neck breathing you in, his arms at both sides of your torse, free. This is how he sleeps most of the time.
I say, able to move, but Keegan doesn’t move. Once he found his spot, his position, he falls asleep quick and then he won’t move anymore
He is a sniper; he has learned to stay motionless for extended periods of time and sleep is NO exception for him!
You can twist and turn underneath him, can boop him, kiss him, grumble at him, he wont move, he wont even wake. Because you are safe beneath him and he can always touch you, you can’t leave
But if there is even the softest of sounds that isn’t normal in the apartment, a weird reflection of light glinting in the windows, this man is awake and aware faster than you know
He sleeps like the dead, a stone, unmoving and heavy. And sometimes he snores softly, it is becoming a lullaby to you by this time
You hadn’t been allowed to sleep with until he really trusted you, he couldn’t have rested before that
He wears old sweatpants, a few holes are alright, an old shirt and sometimes even socks to bed (you can get cold feet as a sniper, laying motionless for hours or days. Some things are hard to shake, even in bed.)
Kate Laswell
She is a strong woman, in control, steadfast and loyal. She is stern to those under her command, supporting her colleagues and friends. Her love language is acts of service.
Why am I telling you this?
Because she loves to be held in bed, loves to be the little spoon, to just shed all signs of leadership and bask in the presence of the person she loves
If she can’t be the little spoon, she will hook her pinky finger around yours, or grab onto your arm or shoulder
She murmurs sweet nothings in her sleep and burrows as close to you as she can, sometimes even partly underneath you.
Needs a weighted blanket if you are not there to fall asleep, if you are with her then she just needs your arm over her stomach.
If you lay on your back, she is slotted right against your side, her head on your shoulder
If you wake in the middle of the night to go pee, she will sleepily walk behind you, one hand holding onto your shirt as she follows you with closed eyes and grumblingly pleading for bed again
Turns on Koala-mode if she is sick, clinging to your back or front and will never let go until she is fit again…. Trying times…
Kate wears soft pajamas to bed, older model but chic, comfort over looks. It keeps her warm
Phillip Graves
Has the biggest bed of all of them, the most expensive beddings, the most luscious blankets
Listen, he is calling the shots here, he is *deserving* of only the best things, the most decadent of entertainment as well
So, let’s be clear, he is sleeping on his back, in the middle of the bed, legs spread out and one arm underneath his pillow (where a gun is hidden, you can never be too careful)
He gracefully lets you rest in between his legs, your stomach on his hips and your head on his chest. The hand not underneath his pillow is buried underneath your sleeping clothes, groping you even while he sleeps
He has a decadent soft blanket which you must share with him. Not because he doesn’t want you to have one, but because you are his as well and the only place for you is against him, on top of him, or with your legs tangled with his own
In contrast to his luxurious bed and bedding he wears an old, clean shirt to bed and form fitting boxer shorts
Also, he is making sure that you only wear the most comfortable and expensive clothing to bed, or nothing at all.
He will keep you warm, don’t worry Honey, just stay close to him, he is a furnace, and he will take good care of you
He loves it when your hands are on his hips while you both sleep, or when you hug his middle, your head on the spot his heart beats underneath
Because Graves, also just wants someone to love him, to hold him, to feel safe and comfortable with
So, it will take time until you join him in his bed, at least this bed. (He totally has another one for “sleeping activities” with flings, ONS and others, and not for resting.)
But when you reach this phase, you are golden. He invested in you, time and money and trust and emotions, he won’t let you go again without a fight.
#awkward fink#cod#sleep positions#keegan p russ#cod keegan#phillip graves#kate laswell#keegan x reader#graves x reader#laswell x reader#sleepy times#hope the portrayal is fitting#needed to some character study here#ugh im nervous#eeeeeeeeeeep#blurb#ask#ask answered
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Cascade
Someone a while ago asked me about what Kei's school life in Shell Game would've been like if she was a kid in 1-A as opposed to 1-C, so here's some noodlin'.
(Kei replaces Mineta's slot because I don't feel like dealing with him.)
The facet of being a UA student that bothered Kei the most (immediately) was the scrutiny. The celebrity. The total inability to fold herself and her flat expression and sleep deprivation back into the comforting anonymity of a world without widespread cell phone usage. Every other rando in Japan—arguably the world—knew the school’s reputation and its uniform. The more invested enthusiasts knew the names and faces of all the hero kids in each year and ranked them based on their apparent promise. Kei’s entire being retreated from the spotlight as though possessed by a cockroach.
The runner-up of annoyances was being trapped in high school again. She’d done her time one life ago and resented that the experience just pigeonholed her into bilingual missions now. But explaining that to Sensei wasn’t on the table, so away she went.
In the end, though, there was a small silver lining, as thin as cobweb. Unlike general education students, the two heroics-focused classes had occasional permission to use their Quirks to achieve their goals. Such as winning a sports contest between students, but still. It was something.
“Gekkō. Your turn.”
Kei jolted back to life like the engine of a forty-year-old car, covering her mouth with one hand as she yawned. Sure, Bakugō’s big boom ball throw had startled her awake, but she’d slept like total garbage last night. The stress from anticipating a new development in any mission made staying asleep an impossibility.
So she’d kind of sleepwalked through the first few rounds of fitness tests. A lot of the other students’ Quirks didn’t help with their performances—exemplified by the invisible girl and the boy with electric powers—and so Kei didn’t meaningfully stand out. It helped that the students with physical Quirks usually really excelled at very specific tasks, but were dead average elsewhere. Kei barely needed to work to keep in the middle of the pack, only using her water manipulation for effect.
And now everyone was looking at her.
Dammit, Kei thought. She rolled to her feet with a little huff and made her way off the sideline with the air of a two-toed sloth dragged out for a quirky sports movie.
“Do you need a reminder of what the rules are?” Aizawa asked, his voice as dead as Kei sort of wished she could be in this exact moment.
“No, Aizawa-sensei,” Kei replied as she passed him. An instant later, she caught the tracker-equipped softball without looking, thought it had been thrown at her head. Not like it would have done any damage even if it made contact.
“Then quit wasting our time.”
Kei didn’t even remember her placement during the UA entrance exam, but this still felt targeted. The numbers didn’t matter. She’d already known she was in, so the only consideration left was keeping the extent of her powers under wraps.
It wasn’t like Kei didn’t get why Aizawa “Eraserhead” Shōta hated her presence in the class. Her enrollment in UA was basically anathema to the entire purpose of the program. Sensei and the principal couldn’t just cut the guy entirely out of the loop without causing Kei logistical problems when it came to doing her job. At the very least, an uninformed teacher might ask questions when Kei inevitably ran out of the classroom to deal with some crisis. Just because Aizawa looked like he wouldn’t care if his students fell down an open manhole cover, but that was the trouble with judging by appearances alone.
I could take over the moment it leaves your hands.
Be my guest.
Kei tossed the ball in the air, clapped her hands together, and summoned a blob of water that expanded in sync with her hands as she pulled them apart. When the falling softball landed amid the watermelon-sized sphere, it warped briefly into an image of Isobu’s curled-up shell before stabilizing. That was a telltale sign even to people without worthwhile chakra detection abilities—as long as they knew.
So, basically Aizawa. Kei didn’t need to look in his direction to feel his glare.
There we are. Isobu’s power reached forward to engulf the brand new source of ammunition.
Then the blob, the captive softball, and some simulacrum of Kei’s dreams shot off into the void. Only the thinnest possible thread of water connected Isobu’s new toy to Kei’s index fingers. Kei and the a couple of her classmates watched its erratic balloon-like course until, inevitably, the thread snapped.
Eventually, there was a beep from Aizawa’s phone. “Five hundred and fifteen meters.”
Kei rubbed at her eyes, already done with the entire affair. At least this data might be useful for Kei and Isobu’s future adventures in mass hydrokinesis. Perhaps Isobu’s range would be even larger if they added more of his chakra. Running those experiments would have to wait for another day, though.
“Next,” said Aizawa. Going by the way a couple of students jumped, the next contestant was already on deck and suffering from stage fright.
Kei wandered out of the chalk with barely any uptick in energy levels. She even yawned again. If the teacher wanted her out of the way faster, he could damn well throw her out.
But because this mission clearly wanted to establish the kind of pattern embodied by a combat deployment—boredom followed by intense spikes of activity, and then more boredom—Kei didn’t get a chance to nap. She found herself blinking away the drowsiness to the sound of Aizawa verbally ripping a kid to shreds.
And it wasn’t Kei’s fault. Or even related to her.
Novel.
While Kei had sat down and read brief profiles on all of her classmates on the Saturday before the term started, their names occasionally slipped her mind despite how painfully on-the-nose they could be. She’d get that data into her head later; for now, all Kei needed was a list of powers.
Part of the reason Midoriya (today’s sacrifice) stuck out to her was how his name didn’t contain even a hint of his Quirk—just like hers didn’t. Because she didn’t have one. Going off the logic displayed by his classmates’ parents and their naming choices, Midoriya’s personal name should have had something to do with turning his own skeleton into dust.
With his capture weapon and hair floating like the entire scene was underwater, Aizawa laid out everything wrong with the nervous kid’s approach to the ball toss. Given that the test in question was literally throwing a softball and this kid tended to hover around the middle of the pack, maybe he’d been planning to use his hyper-destructive Quirk to finally get an edge. Like any kid sitting through someone else getting shouted at by a teacher, Kei pretended not to hear the specifics.
It was still sort of difficult not to, even with her classmates trying to build a small reservoir of side chatter to insulate themselves.
There was a lot in Aizawa’s lecture about “basic competence” and paraphrased warnings about not breaking all the bones in his body. Because, well, someone who did that would probably need to be carried off a battlefield on a stretcher if not in a body bag.
“With your power,” Aizawa was saying, his voice as flat and cold as an executioner’s blade, “you can’t become a hero.”
Midoriya’s expression said he knew damn well what was at stake now. If he couldn’t figure out how to throw a ball without laying himself out flat, he was screwed.
The real question was if breaking bones was the prerequisite to accessing that monstrous strength, or just a shitty side effect of having no control? If it was the former, the first time the kid fell off a jungle gym or crashed his bike should have made the news along with a crater.
While the other students consulted among themselves whether they’d ever heard of Eraserhead before—which disengaged Kei even further from the conversation in favor of naptime—Aizawa withdrew from the chalk circle to let Midoriya figure his shit out. He’d either fly or fucking die.
Aizawa probably didn’t care which. At least, not out loud. Better that this catastrophic failure happened in school and not in the field with lives on the line.
Kei shaded her eyes and awaited some conclusive result.
Midoriya didn’t disappoint; one colossal BANG later, the softball was rocketing off into the distance with a smoke trail marking its trajectory. But unlike the utter travesty that characterized his entrance exam footage, the kid that turned to face the group did so with all limbs intact. He’d destroyed only one finger in the process of setting off his Quirk this time.
Kei frowned while the other students cheered. Aizawa, too, looked excited to find improvement so close on the heels of his first sharp criticism.
Sure, Blasty McSplode had a problem with Midoriya’s (qualified and still bone-breaky) success and then needed to be wrestled into submission for being a loud jackass literally a foot in front of the teacher, but that wasn’t Kei’s problem. Or, at least, his attitude wasn’t an interesting problem for Kei to puzzle over.
Midoriya’s, though… There’s something wrong here.
Hm?
I don’t think his Quirk requires him to destroy himself to use it. If it did, he should’ve figured out how to minimize the damage way before he got here. Kei pressed her curled fingers against her lower lip as she thought. Damn, I usually just shrug off questions like this…
But this secret may affect your risk assessment process when dealing with all of these humans.
Maybe. But hell if it’s not a personal question. “Hey, what’s the deal with your Quirk totally pulverizing your vulnerable teenage skeleton every time I’ve seen it used?” That’ll go over well.
“Gekkō,” said Aizawa, interrupting Kei’s thoughts with more school nonsense. He’d apparently picked her out as a zoned-out straggler. “Finish your tests. Side-hops and grip test, go.”
Kei sighed internally and trotted off to a different part of the field.
#shell game#cascade#snippet#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#catch your breath fanfic#crossover#keisuke gekko#isobu
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WILL GRAHAM • ❄️
Too Cold || 820 Words || P.G. Rating || Fandom: Hannibal (2013)
Author’s Note: I have another Will Graham fic in my drafts already, but I have more motivation to write this first. I’m excited to see how this post does since I recently got into Hannibal and really wanted to write something with Will. Enjoy!
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CONTENT WARNINGS: No mentions of Will’s nightmares, Will is sensory seeking but also needs cuddles, Reader can use their arms/upper body (momentary scene), Reader moves around but with no description how exactly (no mention of legs), Reader is in a romantic relationship with Will, uses of the pet name sweetheart.
The snow usually didn’t get this thick, but today you were thankful for it. The powder blanketed the ground outside so heavily that no one could go anywhere. You and Will decided to stay in and relax together. The two of you agreed to sleep in the living room on the pull out couch while the dogs slept on the floor. The fire crackled softly and dimly lit the room that was nearly sun blocked. You had brought your own individual blankets to wrap up in because Will insisted. He hated the idea of getting you drenched in his sweat just so you could cuddle him. You thought it was a fair trade; hold him in your arms and make him feel safe in exchange for something you could easily fix in the middle of the night. You didn’t like to push him, though.
You sat yourself up and rubbed the sleep from your eyes. You looked around the room and counted each of the dogs to ensure they were all here. You sighed deeply while taking in your surroundings. It was peaceful—every aspect of the moment you were in. Will slept peacefully for once, the dogs breathed deeply, the fire gave off a pinch of heat, and the snow fell heavy outside with the whipping of the wind. A soft smile crawled onto your lips. You stretched, preparing to get out of bed. You looked down at your sleeping lover and pressed a kiss to his forehead. A heartbeat later, you’re slowly dragging yourself out of the pull-out couch.
Once you get yourself steady, a few of the dogs get up to come greet you. You whisper sweet greetings and wish them each a good morning. You make your way towards the kitchen to the dog treat jar. You tap the ceramic lightly so as not to disturb Will. The last few dogs who were either sleeping or chose to stay lying down came to you. You gave each of them their gingerbread treats and sent them to go lay down once more. The house continues to stay quiet as you walk into the pantry in search of something to eat. You hum softly before grabbing a pop-tart from one of the shelves.
The springs from the pull-out bed squeak awfully, causing you to emerge from the pantry as soon as you could. You spot Will looking at you with tired eyes. “What?” you ask with a soft chuckle. He looks at you, slightly annoyed. You should know by now what he wants. “Come back. I’m cold,” he said blankly. You nod your head in agreement as you head to the bed. “You’re taking an unreasonable amount of time,” he complained to you. “I’m working on it,” you say in a sing-song voice.
The second your thighs touch the edge of the bed, Will clings his arms around your waist and pulls him toward you. You squeal and smack at his arm playfully. “Will Graham! Get your hands off of me right now!” you said as you smiled so hard your cheeks started to hurt. “I never want to let you go, though. Espically not in this sort of weather,” he told you as he pulled you so his chin lined up with your shoulder. Your entire body shivered as you felt the tip of his cold nose touch your skin. He breathed you in deeply, resulting in him becoming completely still, besides his chest rising and falling. “You soothe me so well,” he praised gently. The arms that circled your waist squeezed a bit tighter as if they might loose you. You wriggled to be closer to his chest and settled once you were. His hand slowly traced circles on your stomach. It was so quiet you could hear the soft scratching of his fingers against the fabric of your shirt.
Your silent peace is soon interrupted when Will turns to lay on his back, bringing you with him. You gasp from the shock, at a complete loss for words. Will chuckles as you take a few deep breaths. “Why would you do that?” you ask in utter confusion. “I needed your weight on top of me,” he said plainly with a shrug. You sigh in slight annoyance—but you’re always glad to provide the stimulation your lover needs if it helps him stay calm and focused. He leans forward and kisses your forehead gently. “I had to return the favor,” he whispered. You chuckle once you realize what he was referring to. You kissed him back on the cheek, and he raised his eyebrows in amusement. “I’m assuming that’s a request for another kiss,” he observed before returning it. You two continue kissing each other back and forth, keeping warm from the blushing and your bodies pressed together, safe from the snowy weather outside.
The universe is good to you today. It’s been good to you every day since you met Will.
#will graham#will graham x reader#will graham x y/n#will graham x you#hannibal#hannibal (2013)#hanniblr#fluff#comfort#winter fic#gender neutral reader#gn reader#hugh dancy#will graham is autistic
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Alternate ending where SQH presses the return home button after yelling at MBJ + I somehow turned it into a slightly happier ending(this was supposed to end with SQH being alone till he dies)(bro never moves on)
but in this oneshot, he becomes a part of the Shen family.
Mobei-Jun mourning SQH’s body… imagine…
The moment he presses on the button, he felt his heart sink with the glow surrounding him.
He was going back to his body, which was equivalent to dying. Turning to his icy surroundings, light snow falling onto the tip of his fingers, his knees unbuckle as he fell to the floor.
“I—“
—
He regrets it, he really does. He shoud have just stayed in the other world. There, at least he knows how to escape the life he had, he knows people who would care about him even if he had run away (at least, he hoped so?)
here, there was no one. His parents didn’t care about him, they’d already moved on with new families in their lives. They hadn’t even bat an eye when they found out his body was a coma.
Shang Qinghua shivered in his hospital bed, tears slipping down his cheeks, he couldn’t even let out a sound.
It was cold. It was empty. His arms were bandaged heavily, they’d told him that he had severe burns because of the fact that there was hot water when it happened.
He couldn’t write; Proud Immortal Demon Way had already ended. He… just really…lacked the motivation to ever write again. Without his most passionate fan, without his king or his martial siblings… it’s unbearable. Losing the trust of everyone he knew was heart breaking enough, but they— they had forgiven him for his final moments.
They’d let him back into the sect—! Liu Qingge had grinned at him, after all that. Mu Qingfang allowed him to nap in the medical room whenever things got too hectic—heck! Yue Qingyuan visited his peak for friendly conversation and tea!
Shang Qinghua had given all of that up, and for what???
He didn’t know any more….
Haaa…. His anxiety and fear had gotten the best of him.
There was no Cucumber bro to critique his 3000+ chapter novel, there were no ice kings to force him to stop working in the middle of the night because of his health.
It was just him. Just Luo Meihua. The useless idiot.
A mistake he made, and he will never ever be able to see his family again.
Shen Qingqiu was right, Shang Qinghua was an idiot.
—
“Hey..” A quiet feminine voice pulls him out from the grasp of sleep, his heavy eyes open wearily as he tries to focus on the new figure. It wasn’t one of those nurses. The girl was wearing a very blue casual outfit, blue sweater, blue jeans, and even a blue purse.
….?
He squinted. Did he know her..??
He knew this wasn’t one of his half siblings, they were much younger than he was. “Hh….” He tried hard to say something, but a year of unuse made it hard to say the right words.
“It’s okay! Uhm, you don’t need to speak! I’m sure you’re wondering who I am?”
Shang Qinghua nodded minutely.
“My name is Shen Yang. Do you remember the story you wrote?”
He grimaced, giving her a pained look, he knew by now how shitty it was, please don’t make him talk about it??? I mean, there was some good parts but if he could, he wouldn’t have made A Ding as the sole logistics peak!!!
Wait.. “Shen..?”
She laughs slightly, mistaking his question for something else, “Mm, my brother was Peerless Cucumber, he went into a coma like you did, one year ago. If you knew him, anyway. He hated your novel.”
No wonder she looked familiar—!
But.. huh…? How did she know he was in a coma? How did she know he was here.
He tried to convey that to her with his raised eyebrow.
“We… uhm. Originally, we wanted to personally talk to you, since… we found A—Yuan’s notes in his computer. It was more critiques about the novel,” Shang Qinghua stifled a fond laugh, Ahh, Cucumber bro… “…and so… we found out you were in a coma, just like my brother.”
—
Shen Family: finds out Airplane is in a coma and they visit him once
Shen Yang is also a volunteer at the hospital, just so she can visit Shen Yuan more often. So occasionally, she watches Airplane’s coma body, wondering what kind of person he was to write PIDW
sometimes she writes and reads it out to Shen Yuan because she knows he loved stories, even if they sucked
When Airplane wakes up and they both realise he has no home anymore,
(“Your parents..?”
Shang Qinghua shook his head and laughed bitterly, “it’s not like they visited me at all.”)
So she persuades her parents to let him stay at the house (they refuse at first, like, airplane’s a stranger, and they’re still mourning Shen Yuan)
But eventually, they pittied him and allowed him to stay.
(“I promise I’ll pay you back, thank you so much for your kindness!!!”)
After all his trauma, he becomes the quiet kid, no silly rambles, and without any system forcing him on any missions, he becomes so so antsy, so he just takes on a lot of responsibilities and becomes sick and is super miserable until Shen Family takes an intervention
Eventually they get attached to SQH and help him get therapy. And it doesn’t actually help much, he couldn’t talk about his transmigration trauma at all
BUT he admits the little things, like his parents’ emotional neglect and accidentally mentions something like “I’m used to getting beat up. I’m used to everyone pushing their work onto me.”
Which is concerning in modern society,, like,,, why is he used to getting beat up 3 times a day
Bro just really hates himself
But one day, maybe after a few long months, the light in his eyes return and he gets into a rant again and Shen Yang just remembers his brother, Shen Yuan, and sees him in SQH and
man
Shen Yang shares stories about his brother to SQH
(“He sucked at sewing.” )
( “Shut up, Airplane… Sewing is harder than it looks.” Shen Qingqiu glared at him.)
#shang qinghua#svsss#svsss au#i haven’t read the entire svsss#svsss fanfiction#my post#Shang Qinghua returns home and doesn’t die#he realises he made a mistake and suffers for it#especially with the consequences of being electrocuted#hahaha what if shen yuan’s family found out airplane had woken up from his coma and decided to reach out#Shen family adopts SQH au#the epitome of self indulgence#don’t worry I’ll write the mourning scene/j#dialogue heavy#because it’s hard to describe stuff#does this even make sense???
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Chapter 19: A Dangerous Game (Preview)
Agatha slept well.
She always did after a night with Rio, but this sleep felt different—deeper, more restful, as though some quiet peace had settled over her.
She stirred slightly as a delicate tickling sensation danced across her nose, pulling her from the depths of sleep. Breathing in deeply, she was greeted by the rich scent of earth and pine—fresh, and unmistakably reminiscent of a forest after rain.
A smell she immediately recognized.
Her eyes snapped open, and her vision was met with black, silky strands of hair.
It dawned on her with a start that her face was buried in the back Rio’s neck, her body curled up against her back. Agatha’s arms were wrapped securely around Rio’s middle, and she felt the gentle rise and fall of Rio’s breath against her chest, their legs tangled together beneath the soft sheets.
Agatha’s froze for a moment, before pulling her head back and looking at the back of the woman’s head with wide eyes.
She was not one for cuddling.
She liked her space in bed, the freedom to stretch out without feeling trapped or smothered. And yet here she was, her body pressed tightly against Rio’s, her arms wrapped around her in what could only be described as a near-death grip.
She tightened her grip, half-consciously, realizing how oddly natural it felt.
In response to Agatha's tightened grip, Rio let out a deep, contented sigh, her body melting further into Agatha’s embrace. Without even seeming to wake, Rio’s thumb absently grazed along Agatha’s arm, a slow, gentle motion before stilling and falling back into the deep sleep.
Agatha’s heart clenched at that, a wave of something warm and unsettling washing over her.
Her mind raced, but her body refused to move, torn between instinctively pulling away and savoring the quiet, unfamiliar comfort of having Rio in her arms
She felt Rio’s slow, steady breathing against her, grounding her in a way that made everything else fade—her walls, her rules, her carefully guarded heart.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
They didn’t do this.
Agatha didn’t do this.
And yet…
This felt dangerously good.
Heavy emphasis on dangerous.
With that unsettling thought, Agatha took a steadying breath, then reached forward and gave Rio’s shoulder a gentle shake.
"Rio, wake up," Agatha murmured, her voice low and steady, not wanting to startle her—but needing to end this before it went too far, before the urge to stay became overpowering.
Rio grumbled in her sleep, a soft, reluctant sound that somehow made Agatha's heart lurch again.
Agatha had always pictured Rio as a morning person—someone who seized the day the instant she opened her eyes. Yet here she was, wrapped around Agatha, heavy and completely out of it. The realization stirred something warm in her chest, and Agatha gritted her teeth, frustrated by her own reaction.
"Rio, seriously," she said, louder this time, shaking her shoulder with more intent. "You're lying on my arm. I can't feel it. Get up ."
Rio didn't stir immediately, but then, in an instant, Agatha felt her shift as awareness flooded her, her muscles tensing and then—
Rio shot up, sheets pooling around her waist, bare-chested.
Agatha’s eyes instinctively moved down.
Can you blame her?
But then she forced her eyes up, taking in Rio’s face as dark eyes moving around the room, as the woman was trying to will it to be her own, before her gaze moved down, landing on Agatha, her expression stunned.
Her mouth dropped open slightly, genuine surprise flickering across her face.
Even with the tangle of emotions stirring in Agatha’s chest, the side of her that delighted in poking at Rio couldn’t resist the opportunity. She leaned back, one brow arching, letting a sly smile play on her lips.
“ Good morning, darling ,” she purred with exaggerated warmth. “Did you sleep well?”
Rio blinked, regaining her composure almost immediately, though a faint blush dusted her cheeks, and God —Agatha reveled in that.
“I didn’t mean…” Rio started, her words faltering as she searched for what to say. She took a breath, her face smoothing back into a neutral mask so quickly it was almost unnerving.
Agatha felt a pang of disappointment at how easily Rio regained control, shutting down whatever vulnerability had slipped through. The sheer strength of her emotional guard was almost terrifying.
“I’m sorry,” Rio said, the words so steady and practiced they barely registered as an apology. She held Agatha’s gaze for a brief moment before glancing away, sweeping the sheets aside and standing up.
Rio scanned the floor for her scattered clothes, grabbing her pants and slipping them on before turning to find her bra and shirt.
Agatha shifted, feeling the awkwardness of just sitting there watching Rio hurriedly get dressed. She climbed out of bed herself, wincing as her muscles ached.
As Rio pulled her shirt over her head, Agatha’s gaze caught on something lying on the floor: the strap-on, the source of the lingering ache between her legs. She reached down, suppressing a grimace as her body protested, and picked it up.
When Rio finally pulled her head through her shirt, she froze, her eyes widening just slightly as she took in the sight of Agatha—standing there naked, holding the strap-on aloft with tip of her finger a teasing smirk.
“Don’t forget your toy,” Agatha sang, her tone laced with playful challenge.
She knew she was pushing it, but honestly, she wasn’t a fan of the blank-faced, overly composed version of Rio. She needed that spark back, the one that made Rio’s expressions dance on the line between control and intensity.
Rio’s eyes met hers, lingering for a second before they dragged down, slowly, tracing the lines of Agatha’s bare body. Agatha noticed the way Rio’s jaw tightened, a flicker of tension slipping through her carefully constructed mask.
First crack.
Good .
Agatha smirked, enjoying the moment, letting her own gaze stay steady, challenging. She felt a surge of satisfaction as Rio’s composure wavered, her hand balling into fists at her side, as trying to hold back the temptation to touch.
But Rio took a breath, visibly reining herself back, slipping the strap-on from Agatha’s finger with a practiced nonchalance, though her eyes held a darker gleam.
“Thanks,” Rio said, her voice steady, though Agatha caught the flicker of heat simmering just beneath her words.
Agatha savored it—the subtle shift, the way she could unsteady Rio.
She remembered the first time they met, how she wanted to unravel this woman, to see her break. Now, that desire had transformed, evolved into something deeper, something that thrived on the challenge of making Rio falter, to push her just as hard as Rio pushed her.
She took a step closer, watching as Rio’s posture tightened, her breath hitching almost imperceptibly, a sharp exhale betraying the tension simmering between them.
Agatha, completely bare, while Rio stood fully dressed—a dynamic that should make Agatha feel vulnerable, but in that moment, she felt so fucking powerful.
She reached up slowly, giving Rio every chance to pull away, to stop her, to say anything that would end this silent dare. But Rio stayed still, waiting, eyes darkening with anticipation.
With deliberate slowness, Agatha hooked her fingers under Rio’s chin, tilting her face up in that familiar way Rio so often did to her. The power shift was electric, a charged echo of every moment Rio had held her there before, but this time, it was Agatha’s turn.
Agatha leaned in, watching as Rio’s eyes fixed on hers, unwavering, and stopped just shy of letting their lips meet, savoring the hitch in Rio’s breath that spilled against her own.
“You should get going,” she murmured, voice low and teasing. “Your boss doesn’t seem like the type that tolerates being late.”
She caught the brief flick of Rio’s tongue over her own lips, and it took every ounce of restraint not to close the distance, to taste her right then and there. But instead, Agatha straightened, locking eyes with Rio one last time, a wicked grin playing at her lips before she released her hold, stepping back.
Without another word, she turned and strolled toward the bathroom, every inch of her aware of Rio’s gaze, the heat from her stare lingering over her bare skin, igniting every nerve as she walked away.
At the bathroom door, Agatha paused, glancing back over her shoulder, a wicked smile playing at her lips.
“Unless, of course… you somehow manage to make your boss late with you,” she murmured, her tone a soft, dangerous tease. “Then she can’t really punish you for that…now can she?”
She held Rio’s gaze, letting the words hang in the charged silence, her challenge unmistakable, before disappearing into the bathroom, leaving the door just barely open.
#fanfic#lesbian#ao3#ao3 fanfic#ao3 writer#ao3feed#ao3fic#ao3 link#agatha x rio#agathario#agatha coven of chaos#agatha all along#agatha harkness#rio agatha all along#rio vidal
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AHEM i have written a (dumbass) poem it's name is:
I HAVE IBS
Raisins in a bun
Like spots on a sun
Amongst bright fluff an umbrous mass
Take one in
And soon, too, you'll begin
To expel out flaming hot, copious gas
THANK YOU goodnight muah muah
#i tried to make it into a limerick#but i'm not so sure about the structure of those BUT i'm also too tired to check#it's like the middle of the night here and i need sleep#no i'm not holding another ttrpg pdf in my hand what are you talking about-#i can't eat grapes#i like grapes#i'm sad#limeric(kinda)#poetry#funny#ibs#gastrointestinal distress#i don't know how to format on mobile or otherwise so you're gonna just have to accept the atrocious appearance of this post
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Sometimes you just need to watch a silly little show that makes you smile, even if it’s not inherently a ‘good show’.
#in a moment of sleep deprived foolery last night i started maxton hall#guys its not good in that way but its so good in the other way#i feel like im in the middle of the early 00s high school drama series on the CW#and i am HERE for it#it’s got everwood meets gossip girl vibes#my brain needed a break and this show was the perfect medicine for it#liz nonsense#tv show#maxton hall
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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How I feel making Sleep Token analysis posts
#sometimes it's like genuinely the middle of the night for me and I'm listening to a song and I'm like#'I'VE GOT IT 👆' like a scientist finally figured out the evasive genetic code needed to make a specialised gadget or whatever#and I post it and look at it in the morning and I'm like 'oh' /neg lmfao#also somewhat random but it's been semi-confirmed that IV is a lurker on twt so what if one of them is just. around here#anywho I hope you guys enjoy my ramblings about them :]]#sleep token#st#worshitposting#mel's rambles
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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words fail me
#my art#emeto tw#sorta#who needs sleep after your catbwakes you upmat 3am to hurl after a fairly fucken bad day not fuvken me#i cant be bothered w the typos#like how tdo people say words#they just tell people things...?......????????????????#wah wah i had a bad day and couldnt sleep and had a panic attack#when i put it ike that indont look smart#im starving also#idk why#have to get up then#the words just lodge in my stupid throat and i cant fucking spit them up without a reason and no telling people is not a reason#apparently art is a reason#i have more words secretly. its likely healthiest to putnthem here#i feel like crying whenever mom and sibling have a productive convo cause thatb means i didnt waste months of my life working with himonstuf#getting in the boat stuff. theres still problems i dont know where thr balance is. betther to clean the kitchen to show yoh care or better t#o trust people to understand the limits of others? who knows but be sure to yell at me in a panic because you suddenly want my help with it#i think it was a legit panic attack with hyperventilation and everything and it was the middle of the night and i had to be the one that tal#ks myselfnthrough it not that id really trust anyone to have that skill but its still fuckend up#im tired#im really very tired
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