#it's just. incompatible. he represents the opposite of what they do. you know.

[commsroom]

Sometimes I think about that post about how, in another life, Eiffel would have made a good SI5 agent due to his out of the box thinking and quick reaction time when things go wrong (see: all of Mayday). Can’t remember if it was you who made that post or not, but if it wasn’t you, do you have any thoughts on it?

haha oh, no!! that definitely wasn't me; i have the opposite opinion!! i think that's a misunderstanding of what qualities are most important for an si-5 agent. they're paramilitary spies and union busters. out-of-the-box thinking is only useful to them if it can be trusted in service of their goals, and eiffel is not reliable, driven, or morally flexible enough for that. i've spoken to people who think that his loyalties could've been won at a worse place in his life, but i firmly disagree. eiffel at his worst is self-focused and entirely indulgent. he made the mistakes he made out of selfishness and short-sighted personal desire. he isn't ambitious, he can't hold a job, he has issues with authority. he has very firm morals and can't compartmentalize; he hurt people and the guilt of that, his inability to reconcile those actions with what he believes in, weighs him down. he doesn't need direction or purpose the way someone like jacobi does, and he's perfectly okay with closing the door on something because it's scary.

eiffel is honestly fine just being a nobody, so that's not something exploitable - getting eiffel to do anything, even some things he wants to do, is like pulling teeth, nevermind trying to convince him it's necessary to harm innocent people in service of a nebulous corporate goal. he has a lot of flaws, don't get me wrong, but they're the wrong kind of flaws for this, even at his worst. i really don't believe he'd ever be sought out for something like that when there are people who are quick-thinking survivalists who are also ambitious, and willing to hurt people in service of that ambition, out there.

and eiffel is pretty good at his job, but he's just an average person with a particular skill-set, who could do that job well enough and still be marked as disposable for other purposes. he's not si-5 level good; everything else aside, they are some of the best of the best in their respective fields. i honestly think that's an important thing to remember about the si-5, too - they fundamentally consider the hephaestus crew as targets, not as coworkers; minkowski's crew is made up of people with a moderate skill level, not geniuses - even hera was selected from a list of people who otherwise didn't make the cut. hilbert being relegated there for his final mission is a mark of cutter losing faith in him. they are not operating on the same level.

(i would believe, to some extent, that kepler was curious about eiffel after what he accomplished in mayday. i think he was trying to test eiffel's loyalties and see if he could be swayed - among many other motives - but i think he gave up on that pretty quickly once he realized what dealing with eiffel is like, and i don't think he ever intended to "recruit" eiffel in any official sense; a lot of the si-5's early actions are, again. union busting. they're trying to divide the crew. and speaking of that: being a good si-5 agent also requires a lot of lying to people's faces, which... um... well.)

[libraincarnate]

astrology notes: 6 🐉

quick note: i'm absolutely not an astrologer. these are just a collection of some observations, thoughts, theories, and personal experiences. with that being said, i'm still learning along the way & i may come back to edit this post to make corrections. above all this is just for fun. lastly, keep in mind that i’m not reading your birth chart and i know nothing about you. these are just some possibilities that may or may not apply to you. enjoy!

🗡 sag mercury: “be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it.”

🗡 @elysiansparadise had mentioned that people with sun square moon may have parents who have a strained relationship with each other or they may be very incompatible. my friend has this aspect and long before checking her parents’ synastry chart i thought they worked better as friends.

her parents were childhood friends- her mom has an aquarius venus which can be a “friends to lovers” type of placement. they have an 11th house stellium in their synastry chart.

they have been married for a long time- her dad’s venus aspects her mom’s saturn. with that being said, venus represents aphrodite, love, femininity, women, love & mars represents ares, masculinity, men, sex. her dad has venus opposite mars in his natal chart and her mom has mars square venus in her natal chart.

they’re different in the way that moon and the sun are night and day. her dad is more logical & reserved/introverted. her mom is more emotional & social/extroverted. they share the same faith but they also have some important differences regarding their religious beliefs. she’s loud, he’s quiet. etc.

🗡 how many of you with scorpio, mars, or a fire sign in the 8th house have red as your favorite color?

🗡 taurus/libra/venus in the 2nd house: these natives are so naturally beautiful & radiant. they don’t have to try hard at all. they have a personal sense of style. jewelry was made for their bodies.

🗡 libra rising: libra rising is known for having beautiful symmetrical faces. i’ve noticed some people with this placement who don’t have symmetrical faces might wonder why.

#1 you’re human so it’s normal to have an asymmetrical face, most humans do.

#2 you may have have one of your dominant planets in the 1st house. remember that different planets rule different body parts and are associated with different physical features. for example, if you’re moon dominant and it’s in the first house you may have a fuller/rounder & cherub like face. mars dominant 1st house- strong/defined face & forehead, could be androgynous, lusty eyes. saturn dominant 1st house- intimidating smaller eyes, mature face, sharp facial structure/features.

or you may have harsh aspects to your rising sign. for example venus relates to beauty so having venus opposite rising may have an influence on your appearance or how symmetrical your face is.

#3 with that being said having harsh aspects to your rising doesn’t make you unattractive. you're gorg/handsome regardless so who cares.

& if you’re not a libra rising, you can also apply this logic if you don’t have much of your rising sign’s physical traits.

🗡 neptune-venus aspects: wanting to “fix or save him/her” fall in love during the process and live happily ever after.  

🗡 leo mars: might not like when people touch their hair, certain people like hairstylists may be excepted.

🗡  the house your venus is in can show what you like or love about yourself, what others like/love about you. some of your attractive traits & qualities. and what you like about others.

venus in the 1st house: you might really love your self and be an advocate for self love. others may love your personality, your perspective of life, and think you have a beautiful body. you could be attracted to confidence, the way a person carries themselves.

venus in the 10th house: you may like your work ethic, how independent & disciplined you are. others may like the way you take initiative, your ambition, your honesty. you could be attracted to those who possess fame and success.

venus in the 3rd house: you may like the way you think/your way of applying logic and processing information. others may love talking to you, how you have a way with words, your accent. you could be attracted to well kept or veiny hands, people with vehicles like luxurious cars or motorcycles.

venus in the 4th: you may love your mom a lot or think she's really beautiful. like being at home & could be into interior design. others may like your family/being around them, the idea of starting a family with you, your warm and nurturing personality. could be attracted to those who are family-oriented and possess emotional intelligence.

🗡 fixed signs in the 9th house: if religious, they take their spiritual life seriously and are a firm believer in whichever doctrine they subscribe to. very devoted individuals. consistently going to a place of worship like church, the mosque, a temple, synagogue, etc.

these aren’t fixed signs but cancer in the 9th gives me mother mary vibes lol. virgo here would probably be quite pedantic and technical regarding things like details about sacred text and spiritual practices/rituals.

🗡 having both gemini and scorpio placements in a chart can make one sneaky, stealthy, ninja, fbi son of a gun. scorpios know how to be secretive, source information, remain in the dark and disguising themselves as your shadow as they observe you. able to move around quietly. geminis are fast, agile, also able to source information, devious, double agent like, quick thinkers. they both just know things. always a step ahead.

🗡 jupiter in the 5th or positively aspecting your ascendant or inner planets in the 5th house: winning games, contests, bets, money, prizes without much effort. i remember winning bingo like 5 times in one round and people started getting annoyed lol.

if you read this until the end i hope you enjoyed it & thank you so much for reading. ♥︎♥︎♥︎, those hearts are for you.

[pruskita]

Hi hi hello sorry for the bother csn u tell me about your Void in your auu (^^ゞ? thank you so much and sorry for the bother hehe!!

Hellooooo :D

First of all I doubt that he would have talked about Void, only two people know about his Lore, but I'm going to take advantage of this to say his Lore, this will be long.

Okay, let's go with a summary if possible, but it may be very long, I'm so sorry.

From the very beginning, there was nothing, that changed until two beings were created out of nothing and these two became known as Void and Galcatic Nova, They were later classified as gods as they were the first to exist and then both came to represent life and death respectively, Despite what one may initially think that they will come to hate each other for being opposite or because everything that life creates will end up dead, both get along well too good, since at the beginning they both started out as brothers and they still are twin brothers, so they both got excited about what the other did.

Void, apart from being the goddess of life, is considered the creator of all living also as a creator of all types of magic, beings, from the most common bacteria to the most immense constellations, Everything starts most of the time by cell phone that go forming their own path of evolution but Void giving the origin to everything, like the planets, that some let themselves create themselves and others that she created.

But above all, what Void depends on for its existence are the puffs and dark matter that are born from the emotions that Void has or that he absorbs from his surroundings Initially, Void wanted to have only children with her, so that they would be somewhat dependent but also free to live their lives, Although he first wanted to make a combination of both just to have a unique kind of children who were born from positive or negative emotions, but he saw that it was incompatible Since what came out were only creatures that did not show emotions or that soon disappeared, so he thought of dividing his children into two species so that they could live.

As something that is not surprising to many, dark matter is born from the negative emotions that Void has or that she absorbs from the people around her Even though the materials need a little more emotions to be created than the puffs, the Dark Matter themselves can create more of them. On the other hand, Puffs are born from positive emotions and little was needed to give life to a Puff, but Puffs cannot have more of them, it depends on Void to have more of them. And both esovien know that it comes from Void and in its beginnings it was very common to see the subjects with the Puff or the reverse

So let's assume that all is well and all is happy and life and death take their course, that is until the larger communities of ancient times begin to see the two gods as objects of power, Of course they have power, but communities stop seeing them as beings with their own identity and lives and instead see them as figures, a figure that they do not like. Even though they are gods, why should they have the power to give life, magic or have control over all of Hades and death? That was the thought of the ancients and of various communities, they should be the ones to divide the power.

So the powerful people began to spread rumors about both gods, to turn other mortals against both of them, those people who were untruthful or who did not agree with it, they were murdered and disappeared, blaming the gods. But not only spreading rumors about them was enough, they wanted the two under their control and to take away their powers, underneath they all began to create plans. Pallets and armies to catch both gods, no matter how much time will pass, generations will continue to do so and if they left mortals with bad ideas about the gods, about Dark Matter, of the Puff and the knights of Hades better since that way no one could be against them when they go for the gods

The plan finally succeeded after eons and attempts to fail, several lives were lost and they cared less about the lives of always mortals who were going to go after one of the Gods, even though Nova would be the easiest to capture, they still didn't have the Star Dream, so the most logical thing was to go seal Void, if they sealed it Nova would go for her sister so they could capture him in the next few days, maybe even years but they could have the gods

Said, thought and done, they went after the goddess Void to seal her, it was a horrible battle that ended with several planets with several deaths and injuries, terrible consequences, but between Among all the people there were 4 soldiers who gave the coup de grace to end up capturing the goddess, those 4 were later known as the heroes of yore

Well how did you manage to seal a goddess, they themselves knew that it would be impossible to do it with the complete goddess, so they separated her little by little with each attack, they were horrible moments for Void His body was slowly being mutilated and destroyed by those he once saw as his creations, despite his screams and pleas as he defended himself against them all. The tiredness, the exhaustion, the loss of his own power made that in the end the only thing he can do being only a part of his soul stripped of his body is to crawl Without a voice to scream in agony, without being able to see where her attackers were, without being able to hear where the things that hurt her came from, without being able to feel where she was, she was defenseless. Until I only feel 4 spears entering the only thing she had left of herself and being sealed

Where is your brother, if they were both gods they could both finish off all those mortals together, right? Yes they could do it but Void did not want to put Nova at risk, he knew that if she was not there life could be fine, it could follow a natural course, she could continue creating the Dark Matter or puff But if they caught Nova they could have the power in Hades or in their own knights it would be chaos in death, so with tears in his eyes Void said goodbye to Nova saying that she knew That he was going to get her out of there, no matter how much time passed, she knew that her brother would get her out while he was gone and prevent Nova from leaving Hades through magic.

Nova, unable to leave Hades, can only cry, scream, and be filled with despair as she watched her sister being tortured by those who sealed her, even though she wants to go for her, even though he would be able to give himself up to leave his sister, he could only cry while being supported by his knights, Nova ended up hating herself for not being able to do anything for her sister, or for her own knights who were now considered a danger by the Mortals

The ancients achieved part of their mission of sealing a goddess, now it would be the next part of their plans while they hide the truth from both gods, They painted themselves as the good guys saying that the seal was necessary because the goddess Void was destroying ever ne in her path, they named their own heroes, Even if he knew his "heroes" were terrible people, as long as they served him he would use them for their own good.

And so Void was left as a destroyed goddess, mutilated, sealed in places so that no one could come close to helping her, not even her brother who was hurting himself trying to get her out of there.

If you got this far, thank you! THANK YOU! This is the first time I upload Void's Lore, there are some things I want to explain later.

But from Void's side it's what it is so far, thanks for reading and thanks anon for asking

[kunosoura]

top 5 ships

I'm not a huge nerd for like sailing/space flight/etc so when we're talking ships the ones I like the most are more for what they Represent. So in no particular order:

The S.S. Stormborn from Naddpod, I just love the story beat of an orphan learning about his parents and taking up his father's place on the helm of his old ship

The Bebop (and every scifi ship that's like "this is a piece of shit like fishing/shipping/industrial ship converted for use as both a home and a workhorse for a group of grey market mercenaries trying to eke out a living in the stars)

Arsenal Gear from MGS2. There's something about that completely impractical and overblown sort of scifi maximalism prompting people to make impractically huge floating fortresses that I simply adore.

In what is I guess the complete opposite of the last example, The Lookfar from Earthsea. One boat that can comfortably fit maybe two people and the endless potential of the seas stretching in every direction.

That one flying ship from pokemon the movie 2000 no thematic notes here I just thought it was sick as fuck as a kid

You're probably actually asking about my favorite fictional relationships (canon or theoretical), I don't do fandom type shipping stuff that much but here's what I got for you. Maybe not top five, no particular order, but I think about these a lot.

Madohomu. You might have seen this coming. Girl with something wrong with her x girl with something wrong with her. Aloof facade hiding mountains of pain x emotions worn on the sleeve in the face of incomprehensible horror. Incompatible self sacrifice complexes. No possible happy ending.

Narusasu. You probably also saw this one coming. It's a perfect tragedy. Naruto really was the only person who understood Sasuke's pain, and he used that influence to win him back to subservience to liberalism and away from in any meaningful way changing the system that had forced them both to endure isolation and nightmares as children. Then they fucked off to the least happy heterosexual marriages in the world. Sublime.

Franklin and Charlie from Merrily We Roll Along. You know that old saying about how some men ruin the lives of every woman they love because their soulmate is a man? Franklin Shepard is the gay Sondheim character, NOT Bobby (who I will go to my grave saying is and has always been intended as a straight man). He got caught in a raid on a Greenwich village and had to get counseling in the 60s ffs like that's like textual!!! When his first wife is brought up he's a little bitter in the easy ough bitch ex wife taking all my money way but apparently bringing Charlie up after their alienation is a surefire way to get him in a horrible mood. The story is to me all but textually about a man driving himself further and further into the closet so he can succeed in Hollywood.

aw man you guys can't make fun of me for this one you have to promise but I still find monica/chandler cute. Like yeah largely nowadays I consider friends to be an extremely dated show that is all but unwatchable because of how much it relies on a style of tv storytelling that has all but died out and how it stretched the few decent things it had over way too many seasons and also its shitty politics. But I still like the monica/chandler relationship. It's cute and they're sweet.

I don't know if I'd say this is an all timer for me but lately I've been really sort of savoring the dynamic between Ssrin and Anna from Exordia. There's so much sensuality between them whenever they're on the page together. Really saves that book from the endless mire of drama between those two gay ass cops.

[terrence-silver]

How do you think Terry's father felt about his son growing his hair and wearing it in a ponytail? Do you think Terry ever told him about Ponytail?

Hippies are everywhere and they have infected my son. Or have they?

--- A long, aggrieved conspiracy memoir by Terry Silver's father.

No, but all jokes aside, think about it, because speculations are all we have on the subject; basic math, Terry's father must've been born somewhere before even the 50's (maybe during the post-war era, as a member of the Silent Generation), and he'd carry with him the sensibilities and worldviews of someone from decades before the 60's and 70's, mentality-wise and that's just a guess, but it could be a fairly accurate guess. Long hair? Shouldn't the boys returning from the war come back straightened out, as they say? All grown? Hardened? Cleaned-shaved? With military discipline? Decent, strong, firm and encapsulating everything men traditionally should be? Honored martyrs, heroes and diligent workers? Wasn't that the basic promise of sending sons to war and the reward that comes in tow with it? Maturity gained in combat and service to this great nation? That means, no long hair, because everyone with long hair could've represented those slackers who, ironically, didn't go to the war in the 60's. Draft dodges, commies who read Karl Marx on campus and college rats, the way Silver Senior might've seen things. Those no-good, protest sign and guitar tottering, reefer-huffing, unwashed...you know what? Never-mind.

Because I want to amuse myself, could be really funny if Terry's dad expected his son to come home as one thing --- and he came back as the total opposite. Or several levels of opposing things, each one more heinous, baffling, confusing, contradictive and shocking to Terry's, undoubtedly, staunch traditionalist father than the other:

Long hair? Check!

Greased up long hair? Check! Maybe he can forgive the grease. James Cagney had grease in his hair too.

A strange, newfound interest in martial arts? Check!

Tattooed out...like a common sailor? Check!

Odd trips to Korea to hone newfound hobby? Check!

Bankrolling a friend's...dojo? What's a dojo?

What is a Gi? What is Tang Soo Do? What is anything?

Cobra Kai?

Does Terry have an earring in his ear? Check!

An aspirational, yet oddly intimate friendship with a military compatriot? Is...that a matching tattoo? A confused check!

John Kreese being an ideally manly man (and everything Silver Senior might've dreamed of his song being?) and an admirable company to keep and yet Terry popping out as the eccentric one, making things even more confusing? Why? Check?

Terry having brought back enough violence and bigotry with him to where Silver Senior can rest assured Terry is not in fact, (gasp!) a hippie, even if he does on occasion look like one? Like that's the worst thing one can honestly be? Check!

Terry being infinitely a puzzle to his own father who can't quite pinpoint him? A part of him could even have been scared at who came back home? Check!

I think that if Terry ever told a family member about the story and the reason why he came home with the ponytail, and the tale behind it wasn't as banal as a mere fashion movement, it could just make him more a mystery difficult to read and might even garner some initial admiration (and whispers), having had this experience and pact of camaraderie forged in combat that ''only a man could ever experience'', serving as a testament to his growth and worth in going from the thin, shy boy he left for the military as, but I also think it could make whatever sheltered, privileged individuals Terry grew up with somewhat distanced from him due to their experiences effectively drifting away from this point on and becoming incompatible (how many of them have been prisoners of war? How many of them watched a person die in front of their very eyes? How many of them have seen the snake pit? Truth is, they'd have less and less to talk and bond about than ever before, and as we've seen, this is something that followed Terry well into his old age; his interactions with individuals of wealth are extremely surface level and blase) and the very thing that should've assured that a young Terry's father will admire him for serving could've turned out to be the same thing that alienated Terry, at least a bit, from his own rich peers, making him The Other --- neither here nor there. Too weird, raw and traumatized for the upper crust 1% he was born among, and too bizarre, high and up there for ordinary individuals.

[fugamalefica]

Do you think Voldemort could've had a romantic relationship with human Nagini?

Absolutely not.

See, I hate comparing Nagini to Bellatrix because not only are those two characters completely different from each other, their places are entirely different for Voldemort as well. Nagini is a pet and some sort of a mother figure to Voldemort. Bella is his lover, the only meaningful relationship he ever had with a human being. The most complex of his relationships. There is no hierarchy between them and there cannot be. They're both characters I adore (even though I love Bella much, much more as I am sure you very well know). I believe Voldemort is fond of both albeit in different ways, different levels of intensity, and different reasons, all of which are incomparable. In fact, I see them as almost complementary to each other. Bella, Nagini, and Delphi. The wife, the mother, and the daughter. The unusual family Voldemort had.

Now, you must be thinking that I do compare Nagini and Bella. Yes I do, and I hate doing it, but do understand me that when one is in a fandom full of simplistic idiots it is often necessary, no matter how unbearably, to stoop down to their level if only to put one's own mind at ease. That's the only reason why I have ever compared two characters who are not even meant to be compared despite myself.

Now, coming to your question. I definitely do not think Voldemort could have had any sort of positive relationship, let alone a romantic one, with human Nagini. Human Nagini is completely opposite of what Voldemort wanted, completely opposite of what attracted him, and even had qualities that would have repulsed him. I think this was all written deliberately by Rowling perhaps to make her transformation even more tragic. Human Nagini is so far so incompatible to Voldemort (his younger and older self. Don't forget he was making Horcruxes at 15 and killing his paternal family at 16) that the only sort of relationship I can see them having is one of manipulation to take advantage of Nagini's powers due to being a maledictus. In such a scenario, impossible as it is, I would not compare Nagini to Bella. I would compare her to Hepzibah Smith.

Human Nagini was raised as an outcast without a wand – Claudia Kim even implied she could not do magic at all – abused, in a circus. This would have reminded Voldemort of what he completely scorned about himself, the parts of him that disgusted him so much as to mutilate his soul to get rid of them. Even a relationship between Voldemort and Hermione Granger, in my opinion, is likelier than a relationship between Voldemort and human Nagini. Human Nagini said Purebloods killed the likes of her for sport, the very same Purebloods Voldemort was championing for and wanted to be a part of.

I do not even want to mention Bella in this ask, but it neccessitates it. Bella was everything Voldemort's cause, his dreams, represented. She was everything Voldemort wanted to be and admired. She represented the best parts of him. Human Nagini was the opposite.

As @metvmorqhoses also stated, he would consider Nagini's transformation to a snake similar to his own transformation from the abused orphan to the Dark Lord. With all that it implies, he would be disgusted with human Nagini just as much as he would be disgusted with the abused orphan Tom Riddle with his Muggle father's face. The snake Nagini, on the other hand, would be to him an impressive creature who has successfully shed her sullied skin and become a magical, powerful, almost divine snake.

Also, human Nagini never wanted to turn into a snake. She wanted to retain her humanity. Her entire personality was something Voldemort would, as much as it pains me to say it, find absolutely pathetic. I adore her, in both human and snake form, but I doubt Voldemort would say the same.

[impalementation]

Hi! I just wanted to let you know that I have watched your video essay so many times already and (as I hope you know) I think your analysis is incredibly smart and fascinating to read. I had a question about Buffy's shadow selves: you've talked about Cordelia, Faith, and Spike being shadow selves at different times, and one thing I find interesting is that they seem to represent different parts of her life (Cordelia as human, self-absorbed; Faith as Slayer, isolated; Spike as vampire...). I was wondering what your thoughts are on Cordelia - the human - being Buffy's shadow self in season 1 specifically? It feels like an interesting choice to have the part of herself that she is repressing be represented by someone who is ostensibly what she wishes she could be? Apologies if this is a dumb question, I just would love to hear your thoughts!

Thank you so much!! And actually, this isn't a dumb question at all. In fact I think it's a very very key question. I was asking myself the same thing too, and I'll be talking about it a lot more over the course of the season one videos--especially when we get to "Out of Mind, Out of Sight" and "Prophecy Girl." I think this question is also crucial to why Xander plays a particularly large role in season one.

A bit braindead, so this is going to be sort of vague and general. But basically, throughout almost the whole show, Buffy tends to be torn between her humanity and her non-humanity (being the Slayer). At different times, she either doesn't trust one half of herself, or thinks she cannot access it. Or simply thinks that her halves cannot be united. Metaphorically, Buffy's sense of division is a representation of the division between the conscious and the unconscious (as well as stuff like persona vs self). The unconscious half is of course the shadow and tends to be represented by Buffy's shadow selves.

The reason I see Cordelia as Buffy's shadow in the first season is because in the first season, in contrast to subsequent seasons, Buffy doesn't trust her humanity. Most obviously, this distrust is shown by her trying to tell Willow, Xander, and Giles not to help her in the first two episodes. But there's also another level, which is represented by Cordelia. Which is: she thinks that in order to be herself, she has to deny being the Slayer. Which means that to choose to be human and herself must be inherently selfish, right? If being human and being the Slayer is incompatible, then if you choose to be human, aren't you choosing to let people die? This is why Buffy is constantly trying to do human things like cheerleading and going on dates in season one, and Giles is constantly telling her that she has a sacred duty and can't. He's her consciousness, which is still ruled by tradition, telling her to repress her humanity because it gets in the way.

But what Cordelia and Xander both prove, from different directions, is that her humanity can be trusted after all. Xander may be powerless, but the way his ability to love and care motivates him to help parallels the way Buffy's own emotions do the same thing. Eg, as I'll talk about in the video for "The Harvest", he and Buffy both want to rescue Jesse despite others telling them not to. It's a very direct parallel that shows the value of her having a heart. And this is why "Prophecy Girl" has Xander help Buffy even after she rejects him; it resolves the fear that her human heart is deep down only selfishly motivated. Because he still loves and wants to help her even if he didn't get what he wanted. But Cordelia embodies the fear that to be human is to be selfish much more completely, which is why she's the shadow. And this also gets resolved in "Prophecy Girl." If even Cordelia, this embodiment of human selfishness, can turn out to want to help in Buffy's fight, then Buffy doesn't have to fear her humanity after all.

By contrast, the later seasons have Buffy going in the opposite direction, with fearing she's losing her humanity, and instead it's her non-human half that can't be trusted. Which is why the shadow becomes a Slayer and then a vampire. The progression of things she thinks cannot possibly be part of her becomes steadily more inhuman, as she plumbs scarier and scarier parts of her psyche. Though no matter how scary it gets, it always turns out--Cordelia, Faith, and Spike all included--that her shadow wants to help her save the world.

Anyway, there's obviously a ton more to say about all of this, but that's what I've got for now. Thanks for asking!

[misslolasynastry]

Celebrity Synastry Analysis

Married at First Sight - Season 13

Michela and Zack

Couples' Synopsis 💭: Michaela is an energetic, life of the party, extroverted personality. Zack (on the show, I noticed Michaela spelled his name with an h Zach instead of k Zack so apologies if the spelling is wrong. Lifetime uses k Zack) whos more relaxed, go with the flow, sensual romantic, sensitve type. So far up to episode 12, they liked each other but it went downhill relatively fast. Theyre very erratic emotionally where Michaela has anger problems and Zack has trouble with his emotions and conflict. First day of the wedding, they seemed anxious but optimistic. Zack leads activities and Michaela decides if she wants to participate that day. They argue almost every time theyre in the same room. Zack has gone on to say that he doesnt feel safe around Michaela due to her anger outbreaks. Michaela wants him but doesnt quite grasp how her premature reactions affect him. She wants to just start over like nothing happened, while Zack wants to take things slow. When around others, they pretend that things are fine. Most fans agree that they should part ways due to their reactive intensity. Its their trouble with communication and inability to resolve conflict without things getting excessive that make their union challenging.

Below is an example of what I give for basic synastry clients. One thing astrology doesnt account for is having a mutual connection. As 2 people can be completely incompatible and still desire each other i a love/lust way. On the other hand couples with highly compatible charts may have no feelings for each other. However, the compatible couple usually has more longevity due to their ability to relate and understand each other as problems are easily dealt with. Synastry analyzes 2person comparing their behaviors and personality traits and how they interact with each other. This can be done for couples, family members, and friends.

🌞 Sun - Libra * Taurus

Represents what each person takes pride in and is the core of their personality. Although Libra (Zack) and Taurus (Michaela) are both ruled by venus, the approach is very different. Libra Suns are intellectual, fun loving, peacekeeping, driven, and social zodiacs. Tauruses are more sensual, emotional, stubborn, and materialistic. Libras prefer things more easygoing, friendly, and fun, but a Taurus would like things a bit deeper and more personal than that. At any rate, on Zack and Michaela's wedding day they were polar opposites. Michaela was very focused on appearance while Zack seemed a little detached trying to get to know her throughout the day.

🌛 Moon - Capricorn * unknown

Represents how each handles emotions, feelings, and the way they feel nurtured. Unfortunately I was not able to find Michaela's birthday (only her birth year and zodiac) so Im going by what information I could find. At the same time, Im going to presume that they do have incompatible moons based on the way they react when sharing feelings or attempts to nurture. Zack is the Capricorn moon . Some would find this surprising based on how much he's cried on the show. But if you look closely at the chart, his moon is aspected by Uranus (erratic/unexpected) and Neptune (escapist and delusion). So if you keep that in mind, this definitely explains why hes so emotional and bolts when anxious. Capricorn moons are fatherly, reserved, hardworking, and serious often seeming cold but they're just calculated and take on a mature approach to emotions. They nurture those they love by doing things through traditional means, which involve caring and supporting family and their spouse by doing little tasks and preparing for your future together making sure you have what you need. But this emotional nature is severely hot and cold from Zack due to his fear of Michaela and previous relationship trauma. Zack would make attempts to comfort Michaela and she often had a "No, but....." rebuttal which made him feel unreciprocated. Its Zack's aspects to his moon which make him more emotional than the norm.

🗣 Mercury - Libra * (Aries or Taurus)

Represents the way you communicate, process information, and the key to what goes on in a person's head. This is often overlooked by most couples but its VERY important when you want to ne heard and understood. Based on Michaela's interviews and their arguments Id guess that she is a Taurus mercury from her high sensitivity and confusion toward the things that Zack says, and her stubbornness. But as for Zack's Libra mercury he is a peacekeeper, jokester, intellectual, very careful and calculated in the way he says things. Overall a solid ability in the way hes able to communicate and share his thoughts as all air signs. Although, hes emotionally erratic and an escapist, hes still an effective communicator if you listen closely to what he says before his moon emotions take over. However, he is also passive and people pleasing so hes quick to give up. I also noticed that jupiter aspects his mercury which makes him overly optimistic at times. Its likely why he keeps making light of their relationship to other people, despite his concerns which confuses Michaela and fans.

💝 Venus - Virgo * (Gemini or Cancer)

Represents your creativity, romance style, inspiration, and foreplay. Based on the activities and her responses to Zack during intimate moments, I would guess that Michaela is a Gemini Venus. This is based on her desire to connect with different people, preferring fun tasks and enjoying great conversationalists. Venus in Virgo on the other hand enjoy comfortability, sensual romance, and routine. Zack at his brightest, enjoyed moments where things were peaceful and intimate such as the studio date or when they were alone and quiet. He's most satisfied in solitude where he can relax and enjoy his surroundings with his partner. I noticed on each of their dates they seem a bit out of touch even on their wedding day. Where Michaela was having fun, Zack was more sensual and intimate. This also explains why on each of their dates there is some disconnect between the 2. Venus maintains that spark and ability to enjoy time together even when times get rocky. Something this couple struggles with due to their differences. Its often the culprit when couples stop having date night because they enjoy different romantic things.

😡 Mars - Libra*Cancer

Represents the way you respond to conflict, what motivates you, and the style of sex you prefer. They are both incompatible here as they seek to resolve conflict, and become triggered in different ways. I find that when couples are incompatible in Mars or Moon this is when I hear the word Narcissist the most. Because both individuals can have alternate perspectives, its VERY easy to misjudge each other's intentions and make assumptions. This is usually where communication comes in handy. Their Mars makes a square aspect meaning that this difference is so challenging that overcoming it can take some deep inward work and mutual understanding. Libra the peacemaker tends to want to resolve things straight away but give up easily. Cancer Mars are emotional when upset, so their feelings can often cloud decision making. So you have Cancer the sensitive emotional person arguing about how something made them feel, an Libra the intellectual that gets tired of explaining and trying to resolve what triggered the argument in the first place. You notice this if you pay attention closely when Zack and Michaela argue, some people only pick up on 1-2 sentences and then focus on that but listening to the entire conversation puts things into perspective. Zack will say how he doesnt like something and thinks they need to work on it, Michaela gets sensitive regarding 1-3 words and focuses on that and starts getting upset. Zack then shutsdown and becomes emotionally erratic with crying. Once Mars clashes the Moon emotions switch steps in and takes over. Rinse and repeat. I could go on forver regarding how many planets of Zack's square Michaela's mars.....ultimately making this relationship very difficult to reconcile.

When it comes to aspects traditionally I would break down them all, but when first looking at someone's chart in a basic synastry standpoint, I analyze longevity factors first. Such as aspects to Saturn, Pluto, North Node, and at times Juno. But to keep this shorter Ill stick to the 3 major aspects. Conjunctions, Trines, and Squares

😇Saturn Trine Sun - Saturn is loyal to and trustworthy of Sun who brings joy and energy into the relationship. There's a desire to be committed

😇Saturn Trine Jupiter - challenges make this a relationship for steady growth and maturity. Its slow but it is progress.

😭Saturn Square Pluto - Pluto has the ability to breakdown Saturn's defenses but then attempts to turn it for their own benefit. In turn, Saturn becomes seemingly cold, self serving, and uncaring. A battle for dictatorship in the relationship.

😇Pluto Trine Chiron - the relationship brings deep healing and transformation as both let go and learn to be more receptive to things theyd usually fight against.

👥North Node Conjunct Moon - an intense emotional bond where North Node acts a role model to Moon (Moon is Zack). They both benefit from having emotional security.

👥North Node Conjunct Uranus - Uranus (Zack) isnt easy to pin down and can be seemingly unpredictable. Through this, North Node is able to be more conscious of themselves and things they struggle with. This causes North Node to change their way of thinking for healthier more expanded patterns.

👥North Node Conjunct Neptune - both can feel spiritually bound in a strange way. Neptune (Zack) awakens healing in North Node by pulling them out of delusions and turning them toward individual lessons. However, they can both at times idealize each other or manipulate.

😭North Node Square Mercury - Mercury (Zack) can be positively influential on North Node in the things they say to help benefit their future. But North Node can be quite resistant to this. In turn both lose sight of the future and get caught up in the moment.

😭North Node Square Mars - initial tension can create attraction but this disguises anger, aggression, fight for control, and competition rather than a union. For resolve they would have to evaluate themselves rather than each other and attempt to work together on a mutual purpose.

😭North Node Square Jupiter - sense of direction can be lost as Jupiter (Zack) can confuse North Node with pleasure seeking and misplaced optimism. North Node can make them both wander aimlessly with no sense of purpose and poor decision making.

😇North Node Trine Jupiter - North Node (Zack) has the ability to accentuate both person's strengths to help steer them on the right path. Jupiter person's philosophical nature helps North Node on their life path and can benefit each career.

📒 Final thoughts: Based on their compatibility and aspects, this relationship can teach them alot about themselves, but they may not be destined for each other long term. The problems with anger and misunderstandings could very well be a long standing battle as they slowly progress over the years. Im willing to bet that theyd grow apart as they learn from each other. But in the meantime, both could use some individual healing first before ever considering to work on the relationship. With Zack's emotional anxiety and erratic tendencies, I dont think its healthy for him to be around her until they both mature a bit more. His hot and cold nature paired with her extreme outbursts could both cause them to do things they may regret later. Zack is right to leave when he feels uncomfortable but at the same time needs to put a cap on his optimism and stop putting himself in situations he really doesnt want to be in. Michaela just needs to resolve her anger and move past her defensive stance. This relationship is a strong case of battling to be right instead of paying attention to each other's needs. They both pretend things are ok even when they arent. Right now I dont believe either are ready for a relationship.

🧜🏽‍♀️ For inquiries regarding synastry charts please visit my profile introductory post, email misslolasynastry@gmail, or shoot me a message. If youd like me to analyze a celebrity couple im willing to do so as long as you have both birthdays on hand. I can also analyze family members as well.

[everyonewasabird]

Brickclub 3.4.1 ‘Group that almost’ part 11: Grantaire

All the other Amis are Legitimate Sons of the Republic, and so the first note we meet Grantaire on, following that, is a vague idea of illegitimacy. It’s hard to say why that feels so very right to me. This is pure headcanon, but I could easily see him as the actual illegitimate son of somebody--well cared for but aware of himself as a bit of a sore spot from birth, a reminder of the existence of corruption in a way he internalizes. It’s certainly the way he positions himself in the Amis family: he’s there, but off to the side. He’s there, but no one, least of all him, is quite sure why.

It’s been so long since I’ve come to Grantaire’s description in order, with fresh eyes. It’s a novel experience, and I’m going to give my impressions as they happen.

And... he's actually quite charming?

He’s charismatic, the one who always knows where the party should go next, naturally good at physical pursuits, and so on. He seems confident and conceited--which is not what I was expecting--and that can be charming or insufferable, depending on how it’s carried. Right now it’s striking me as on the charming side. He’s not in your face about it, but by pretending he’s in general demand among women, he’s carrying whatever he’s carrying about other people’s feelings about his appearance in a way that smooths the experience for everyone.

(It’s a dynamic that’s striking me as extremely middle school for some reason? God, I’m thinking of some terrible movie from the 80s aren’t I. I think I’m happier not knowing what this memory is.)

And then we get to the way skepticism has hollowed him out.

Hugo describes irony as a kind of disease, and Grantaire is the exemplar of that malady, demonstrating to the reader what it does to somebody. And, you know, I grew up in the 80s and 90s, I’m just going to straight up agree with that.

Then we get to his need for Enjolras to imbue him with structure and meaning. It’s a beautiful description, and it makes sense: Grantaire feels his own incompleteness. He feels the need to be something different, but he can’t find the change in himself, on his own.

But he keeps coming. He doesn’t know what it is he’s coming for, but he needs it enough that he can’t walk away from it. It’s a form of desperate hope, and it seems like the thing he hopes for is.. hope.

I appreciate how, again, there are no backstory reasons for this. There’s no past that explains him--other than the history of France--and there shouldn’t be, notwithstanding the rampant headcanoning I started this post with. Marius comes to the Musain because he’s working out some complex family shit; Grantaire doesn’t. He rejects the realm of ideals, but he also exists solely in the realm of ideals, in the sense that ideals are the reason he’s here. Yeah, Enjolras is the reason he’s here. But what is Enjolras but ideals?

Like Valjean kneeling before the bishop and the nuns, Grantaire doesn’t know how to touch the infinite except through an intermediary. But he’s trying desperately to touch the infinite.

I really like that after we get the description of everything about Grantaire attaching itself to Enjolras, the text explains that that phenomenon has nothing to do with Enjolras. It’s inherently something about Grantaire:

He was himself, moreover, composed of two apparently incompatible elements. He was ironical and cordial. His indifference was loving. His mind dispensed with belief, yet his heart could not dispense with friendship. A thorough contradiction; for an affection is a conviction. His nature was so.

Like we’ll see later with Eponine’s feelings for Marius, Grantaire’s feelings for Enjolras aren’t about him but what he represents in Grantaire’s internal journey. Though, of course, there’s much less of a power imbalance here--Enjolras and Grantaire share materially similar circumstance, and it’s only spiritually that Grantaire is lost at sea.

God, this has gotten so long and I haven’t even gotten to any of the queer references.

My sense from others is that 1) Hugo in life was absolutely surrounded by queer friends and 2) it’s not clear he ever realized that.

So, briefly: reference to Orestes and Pylades was absolutely used to refer to queer men in canon era, and used by people on complete opposite sides of the spectrum; I’ve heard Borel roll his eyes at having to use it in order to talk about queer men (a group he belonged to), and I’ve heard Vidocq use it with sneeringly vicious homophobia.

Did Hugo understand that usage? I really have no idea.

But I’m fascinated by the way Enjolras and Grantaire’s whole relationship is simultaneously completely one-sided--but also, it bleeds into the omniscient narration of the text.

Like, this O&P nonsense is all 100% entirely Grantaire’s thing. Clearly! But, then, why does the narrator invoke Antinous in Enjolras’s initial description? Why, in the literal last chapter of his life, is Enjolras given Orestes’ name, if “Orestes and Pylades” is just a thing happening in Grantaire’s head?

And yet, it IS just a thing in Grantaire’s head! It seems all very simple from Enjolras’s side: he’s willing to let Grantaire keep showing up, and he still hopes Grantaire will actually make himself useful, but this whole thing is pretty annoying. Which: very fair! Honestly, just letting Grantaire keep coming to meetings to stare at him must take quite a lot of patience.

But also: the text is holding Enjolras to a higher standard, and at some level it knows that’s not good enough, from either of them. As I’ve talked about before, saving people is a tricky business in this book, prone to a strange parasocial one-sidedness that amounts to ingratitude on the side of the person doing the saving. OFPD, if nothing else, rectifies that.

Anyway, I’m really excited. I’ve had so much trouble reading Grantaire before, and I’m so glad to be meeting him (sort of) afresh this time around.

[firsttarotreader]

How would Pedro get along with a Pisces? I know Aries and Pisces are mostly incompatible, but he obviously has that soft, emotional and dreamer side to him too.

Hello! In the last part of our Pisces saga, I pulled cards to see what Tarot says about him and a Pisces and to see if they match the Astrology part.

Well, the first cards were 5 of Hedgehogs, Knight of Hedgehogs and the Wheel of Fortune. 5 of Hedgehogs brings in a lot of instability, conflict and a challenging relationship. However, the Knight of Hedgehogs points to the need of constant work. If they keep a routine and focus, they can make it work out, and I mean in every relationship, including friends and parents with children. The Wheel of Fortune is about how things are gonna have ups and downs and never be stagnated. This is also interesting because, like my Astrology anon said, Aries and Pisces are the beginning and the end, like a cycle, the cycle of life.

The next cards were The Hermit, Page of Teacups and Page of Spears. Now let's take a look at the 3 of them. The Hermit is a card of isolation, retreat, of looking inside of yourself and focusing on self-development. Then 2 Pages, one is the emotional, loving and loyal Page of Teacups, who is also innocent and naive. The other is the Page of Spears, one who is always eager to do his best, but ends up making mistakes because he's too eager. There is defintely a balancing factor here, as the Hermit definitely "calms down" the Pages eagerness. And The Page is a young person, but the Hermit is often represented as an older, wiser person. We have one energy that opposes to the other. The Hermit is an opposing energy to the Page, there are many feelings and ideas and eagerness but also the energy of retreating and calming down.

The next cards were the Hierophant reversed, the 9 of Flowers and the 8 of Flowers. The Hierophant reversed reminds me a lot of Pedro and Aries as a whole. This card is about not accepting authorities so well, of clashing with them, and if Pisces tries to be an authority to Aries, they're gonna have trouble. 9 of Flowers is the hesitation and the not believing so much that something will work out, but the 8 of Flowers points to things moving way too quickly and too intensely. So again, we have opposites in a way. Hesitation and hurry, thinking too much or just acting out like a storm.

It was using the Oracle of Delphi that things seemed clearer to this matter. I asked one card for their relationship and the card was The Mother. It could be what my Astrology Anon friend pointed out about how Pisces can be like a Mother to Aries, someone who will care for them and take care of them and who will nurture them.

The next cards were Celestial Music, Malice and The Guide. Celestial Music is about harmony in many ways, about balance and acknowledging of the other's merits, genuine altruism, spiritual connection. A very positive card. Malice is about, well, malice, people who can be malicious, with bad intentions, but The Guide is there, a helping hand, a true guide, someone who will give support, who will be a master (not in an authoritative way), a protector. It makes me think Pisces as a guide to Aries but Aries will also be a protector against the malicious to Pisces.

From these cards, what I can see that matches what Astrology anon said is the balancing of Aries's fire by Pisces, and Aries lighting up Pisces in a way, and also the Mother or Guide place one can be for the other. Also remember this is valid for friendships and family relations too, not necessarily romantic relationships.

Since I don't know much about the connections between Astrology and Tarot because I don't know much about Astrology yet, you're always welcome to let me know if you saw more Astrological connections in the cards!

[lacrimaomnis]

BRF Reading, 15/7/2021 (Part One)

Background: The ask I received from an anon earlier today made me wonder about something -- but for that, I have to indulge in a little bit of a ramble here.

If you have read my about page here, you will know that I have been an on and off royal watcher for some time. I know about Harry and Meghan's wedding, and while there was something I couldn't put my fingers on back then, I definitely did not lean towards warming up to her, which was normal for me. Catherine got married when I was too young to understand and to have a care for the world, and so, when I started royal-watching, I did not warm up to Catherine quickly either. But if there is anything I know, even if I did not warm up to Catherine sooner, is that Catherine and Wiliam married for love. I believe that much.

Now, Harry and Meghan, on the other hand, feels...I don't know how to say it, but it feels like there were tied hands back then when they married. So I have two questions, which I will read in two days. I planned to read twice in one day, but I am just too tired and sleepy. Part Two will be tomorrow.

As written, this is merely a speculation and therefore must be taken with a grain of salt. This speculation is not true until proven otherwise.

My question today is, why did Harry decide to marry Meghan?

Cards drawn: Knight of Cups, Eight of Wands, Ten of Wands, Eight of Pentacles, Four of Wands, Nine of Cups, Four of Cups.

Remarks/Comments: I was honestly expecting at least one or two major arcana cards to come up to give me some clarity about the situation, but I am surprised to see that none of the major arcana pops up. Not to say that a spread consisting purely of minor arcana cards is less clear compared to a spread with major arcana, but I was hoping there was a definite something I can look at to determine the main energy in this reading.

Summary: This spread consists of seven cards. Three of the cards are Cups and another three are Wands, which means that two suits make up for the majority of cards, which could mean that this marriage was based on feelings (Cups) and was thought of as a solution to a problem (Wands).

First card: Knight of Cups. This is a court card, and therefore, it stands for a person in my question -- which is Harry. This card speaks about making decisions based on emotions rather than thinking calmly to reach a decision; which did tell me that Harry decided to get married solely based on his emotions, and he did make this decision when he was blinded by his emotions rather than reason.

This card also speaks about loving someone for the sake of love itself, speaking about someone who shares that love freely. This does tell me that yes, Harry married Meghan out of love. I was surprised because I was sure that Meghan subtly manipulated Harry to marry her, especially with rumours of the secret marriage and yadda yadda, hence that "hands tied" feeling I mentioned earlier in this post. This card does tell me that Harry truly loved Meghan, loved her enough to marry her. They did say love makes you blind, and I do think this is perhaps what happened to Harry.

Second card: Eight of Wands. This card speaks about delays, frustration, fast-paced change, and action. Looking at this card, I remembered how Harry was not exactly successful with his earlier relationships. He broke up with Miss Chelsy Davy due to "rising incompatibility of their life choices", he broke up with the now Mrs Wentworth-Stanley, Cressida Bonas -- if tabloids were to be trusted, Harry even planned to marry her -- and it fell through. This did tell me that not only Harry loved Meghan enough to marry her, but he also did not want the Eight of Wands to happen again to him and his relationship with Meghan.

Third card: Ten of Wands. Now, this is another interesting card. For some reason, in two separate days, in two readings concerning Harry or Meghan, this card likes to show itself. Harry was burdened by something that he decided to get married and it wasn't that long in the past either, like the Eight of Wands. But the cards did show me he loved her, that Knight of Cups is just staring at me with his wide eyes, and his heart pouring out...then why was he burdened? Wasn't marrying someone you love a celebration, not a burden? Why would marrying someone you love become a burden? I love my partner with all my heart, and I would never consider marrying him a burden. In fact, I am (with that childish excitement) looking forward to the day he offers the ring. Then why? Why did this card come up?

Fourth card: Eight of Pentacles. The only card representing anything material wealth related, and the card itself doesn't even speak about anything materialistic. This card speaks about apprenticeship, repetitive tasks, self-development, and misdirected activity. In a broader sense, this card speaks about working away at the finer details of your life to improve your situation. Did Harry think marrying Meghan would improve his situation? In my humble opinion, marriage is not merely one finer detail of life, it is a huge part of someone's life. What would be improved in Harry's life when he married Meghan? Is there any? Or did Harry think so? There's a big difference between doing something that one thinks would improve a situation and doing something that actually improves a situation, just like how there is a big discrepancy between how we perceive a situation to be and the actual situation. I think Harry's decision to marry Meghan was in the former category.

Fifth card: Four of Wands. This card is closely associated with the elements of home: the people who make a home safe, people who support you, the familiarity, everything that makes a house a home. Now, the position of this card in this spread suggests these "elements" that make a home had an influence on Harry's decision to marry Meghan. The only thing I can think about is the rumours where members of the royal family (particularly William) warned Harry against rushing into marriage.

Looking at its pair, the Eight of Pentacles, this card did give me some idea that Harry might think that his situation at home, at least from his point of view, might be able to be improved if he married Meghan. This would once again beg the question of what, why, and how? How would marrying Meghan improve his situation? Why did he have to get married to improve his situation? What was the situation that he had to get married to improve it? This pair of cards leave me with more questions than answers.

Sixth card: Nine of Cups. This is the pair of the Ten of Wands. This card is usually about contentment and satisfaction, but could also speak about dissatisfaction and materialism. This card tells me that the burden (Ten of Wands) Harry felt was dissatisfaction with his family (Four of Wands). He was not satisfied with something that he decided to marry Meghan, believing that Meghan might be able to satisfy him in that particular aspect of his life. I am not inclined to believe Harry decided to marry Meghan because of money (in fact, I believe the opposite applies), so I'd stick with the dissatisfaction interpretation.

This card also reminds me of the so-called one-sided rivalry between William and Harry, and one of my thoughts I've written here. I must underline that these are solely Harry's thoughts and feelings, which would fall in line with what we've seen from him: a whiny, sulky adult man who feels that everyone has to bow at him because he was the son of a mother who was tragically killed in a car crash.

Seventh card: Four of Cups. This card talks about apathy, contemplation, retreat, and withdrawal. As the result of his decision to marry Meghan, Harry has shown that he was capable of being completely apathetic to all the sadness he has inflicted on his family because of all their lies as long as they get their way. He also leaves his family to follow Meghan, the family that provided him with comfort and stability for all his life.

Conclusion: As much as how we'd like to believe otherwise, this reading tells me that Harry perhaps did love Meghan. Perhaps he did love her enough that he decided to marry her, but that decision wasn't made based on reason. He was blinded by his own emotions. He also thought marrying Meghan would improve the situation at home, perhaps he was thinking that marrying Meghan would improve his standing somewhat, which, well, frankly, does not make sense. What kind of standing did he hope? Did he hope to have some sort of social standing in Hollywood?

[ethernetchord]

i was posed some interesting prompts/questions by @waywardrebelhairdodeputy-blog about iwwv so here are my responses!

1. Why do you think James punched Oliver? (During the sword play practice and also in the beginning of the book Gwendolyn asked James to think of something that would make him wanna punch Oliver and after a minute his eyes became hard, what do you think he thought of then at the moment?

oh, this is a cool question. there are a couple of angles I'd like to take with this so please, bear with me. Firstly I thought about this from the Rio/Oliver narration perspective. So let me pull out some Oliver quotes (concerning James)

"James and I put each other through the kind of reckless passions Gwendolyn once talked about, joy and anger and desire and despair."

"but in the red glare of the fire, he no longer looked so angelic. Instead, he was handsome the way you think of the devil as handsome—forbiddingly so."

"You’re—I don’t know, this fragile, elusive thing, and I feel like if I could just catch you, I could crush you... I should hate you right now. And I want to—God, I want to —but that’s not enough"

“Oliver, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I want to hurt the whole world.” (James to Oliver)

Now, with all of this in mind, you'll come to realize that one of the most enticing and riveting things about these two is that their love and passion for each other is far from gentle or soft- contrasting greatly how many queer male relationships are represented. It's harsh, bright, sharp- it's ruthless but not uncaring. Oliver, highly repressed in himself becomes inwardly aggressive and violent- "I could crush you." "I should hate you... I want to" "Forbiddingly" - His affections towards James aren't entirely consensual on his own behalf, this makes him assaultive and frustrated. But only internally- he never acts on these feelings, he can't hurt James. James is the opposite of this- and you'd think with his gentle angelic, princely demeanor that he'd be equally repressive of his feelings and impulses but if the book has proven anything- it's that James is perfectly capable of causing physical harm. Rio presents them equally in their aggression but their approaches are foils of each other.

The next thing I'd propose- ultimately- is Meredith, and additionally, internalized homophobia. Now let's clarify: I don't think James had any doubts about his queer identity I just don't think he was entirely accepting of even himself. Because if we look at the one, explicit, instance in which James is murderously aggressive- Richard's murder- what two things does that event and his aggressions towards Oliver have in common? Meredith and homosexuality. Let me explain. Richard and Meredith, Meredick if you will, "She and Richard had been “together” in every typical sense of the word", it's nearly impossible to think of Richard without Meredith- and this might have been less significant if Meredith and Oliver didn't have the relationship they had and if Meredith had never propositioned James also. Her ties with all three of them is important. Now; homosexuality. Richard was acting explicitly homophobic- now whether this is true or not because I know that's been an argument itself- it has to stem from some reality for James. And with Oliver- well it's obvious there. So my point: James might have thought of Meredith and Oliver, of them together, of if she had propositioned Oliver in the same way. He might have thought of Oliver, of wanting to love him but not allowing himself, of Oliver slipping through his fingers, of Oliver hitting him for these very desires.

2. Also also also the part where James was drunk and blabbering like a fool out of guilt, he asked Wren to sleep with her so was he bisexual too? Or that was just a ruse to get away from Oliver at that moment, but there are parts where he was affectionate towards Wren (could be friendship, but he was twirling strands of hair at the nape of her neck and she was smiling so....)

I think different queer people might interpret this differently but this is my reading of it. I do think they were friendly- I think they were very close really. The situation with the photos in which James is playing with her hair while posing + plus the kiss (part of their performance) and finally him asking her to sleep with him- I don't think that it's impossible for him to be bisexual.

I've seen a lot of people say that he must be gay since he rejected Meredith but that's a very surface-level conclusion in my opinion. I think that his inability to be attracted to Mer had more to do with his genuine disliking towards her and that he just really didn't want to be another one of the boys she could play. I don't think it has to be concrete evidence of his complete homosexuality. I don't by any means think he was in love with Wren, however. The nature of James and Wren's relationship is nothing like Oliver and Meredith's. This is important. I think they were close, James loved her platonically enough and like you said, probably used her as a diversion for himself.

But- kinda in a different direction here, that it's not impossible that James and Wren was some form of straight-baiting for readers (and Oliver.) I don't know about other readers but I know that for most of the book I was convinced that the feelings between James and Oliver were unrequited on Oliver's behalf. I never suspected that James might harbor feelings back which leads me to this: Oliver might have over assumed the nature of their relationship due to his feelings of unrequitedness and incompatibility. As we're having to listen to Oliver's particular retelling of all this- it's easy to get lost in the lens he creates for us. After all, there are multiple versions of the truth.

But like I said- It's likely Wren was a similar distraction for James as Mer was for Oliver and It's also likely they genuinely had some form of relationship. Nothing's impossible.

The only just criticism for Iwwv I accept is that we never received a why for the way Richard was behaving (you could say he was always a dick and losing his main part made him more so) but all those violent tendencies toward everyone? Not justified, I would have liked more depth in his character and then there's the eating disorder of Caroline (Older sister) and how fickle and reckless Oliver was about it, he just didn't care (kinda sad to think about)

I TOTALLY agree with this. Some people might disagree with me when I say iwwv was actually a pretty short book- but between the amount that was Shakespeare extracts and due to the formatting, 400 pages really isn't a lot. I think Richard could have had more development- Hell most of the characters could have had more development but him specifically. His spiral into violence did feel really sudden and a little confusing. I mean as readers we were beginning to look for an antagonist, for someone to dislike because all the characters had pretty enjoyable personalities so when Richard begins to seem antagonistic we kind of follow it comfortably because it seems natural. However, thinking about it afterward you realize how little we truly know about Richard and his borderline insanity ykno? Even re-reading- Richard begins to become an uncomfortable character to readers very very early on. I was trying to find some foreshadowing or possible explanations and all I might be able to grasp at is the line:

"I didn't mean there are exactly fourteen," Richard said thinly. "I mean it would be impossible to isolate one that leads him to skewering himself." (page 57, when discussing Brutus.)

I know Richard doesn't play Brutus but I think this is still notable- It's kind of impossible to find the one thing that drew Richard into this downfall and it would have been a combination of many things, like with any human character. But I do agree Rio could have given us some more space to learn about all those factors for him. Reading from the perspective of Oliver makes this hard because well- He is an unreliable narrator and it's impossible to know how everything played out and why because of this. Especially since Oliver and Richard were never the most friendly. Additionally, I think the closest thing Rio really gives us is Oliver's delivery of the iconic "Actors are by nature volatile" line.

The same goes for the situation with Oliver's sister. I think we didn't hear much about her because Oliver didn't care enough. He was far too overwhelmed with anger and disappointment from being put second to his sister to really muster up the energy to care enough to expose more to readers. Unfortunately, she was simply a side character even in his life, too unnotable to him or his plot (as he's retelling the story). Much of the flaws of this book with the lack of development of other characters- particularly their motives and side plots boil down, essentially to the unreliable narration. This is why so many people do not like this book- and others like it. We are, to some degree, always kept in the dark about something. Because so is Oliver- as much as he (and in turn, we) could spectate about why things happened the way they did, he (we) could never really know. There is beauty and frustration in this simultaneously.

I could say so much more about all my thoughts on Richard but I'll save you that (for now) because I don't think I could explain him but I definitely have my theories.

[revolutionsoftheheart]

I’ve spent the last few days thinking about what makes Jack Harkness fall in love with people who are unattainable for him.

By fall in love I don’t mean having a deep, satisfying, mutual, equal, emotional connection with someone. I mean the moment you fall, or rather the falling itself. Seeking that connection and yearning for it so badly it hurts, but not necessarily having found it yet. I think it’s something Jack is constantly searching for, and it’s exacerbated when he becomes a fixed point in time and starts outliving everybody he cares for.

And by unattainable, I mean someone who wouldn’t be a good match or someone who wants different things. The attraction and compatible personalities can be there, but the relationship would not be satisfactory to either character.

Exhibit A: The Doctor. 

Despite how horribly the Doctor treats Jack at times, Jack believes the Doctor to be good, that he is the best person in the universe, that he will save them (him) and that he is infallible. He speaks of the Doctor with such reverence, and his love, like Martha’s, is so one-sided it hurts.

But Jack, I think, doesn’t just love the Doctor. He aspires to be like the Doctor—or I should say, to be the person he believes the Doctor to be: someone who is so a-okay with time travel and his own augmented lifespan that he doesn’t care about leaving people behind. But Jack can’t ever be like that because Jack cares deeply about the wellbeing of people. Just think about how he removes himself from Estelle’s life before it gets too complicated. (Estelle could actually be another example of his loving people he will never be with.)

The Doctor is the only immortal role model Jack has at this point in his life, and that’s someone who doesn’t do emotional connection very well. Someones who runs away when he can’t fix something, or someone. And Jack’s love for the Doctor is rooted in this hero-worship of the man as well as his own aspirations for himself that will never be met because that’s just a persona for the Doctor, the same way it’s one for Jack. Not showing who they are or how they really feel is about survival, for both of them.

Exhibit B: Gwen Cooper. 

This is the one that is most fascinating to me as I rewatch Torchwood all these years later, with more life experience and a different perspective. Jack’s love for Gwen, similar to his love for the Doctor, is not strictly about physical attraction or compatibility. It’s in part about what Gwen represents: a normal lifespan, a family that grows old with you, a life outside of aliens and rift activity. Things that Jack wants, but that feel impossible to him because while he could settle down for a couple years with someone, his own existence—that of someone who doesn’t grow old and can never die, that of an ex-time traveller who fights aliens—will always catch up to him.

Jack and Gwen are incompatible in that they want different things at this point in their lives: Gwen puts her family first; Jack puts the safety of Torchwood and planet Earth first. They love each other, but just don’t work together the way Gwen and Rhys do.

I then got curious as to why Jack was acting this way—going around, falling in love with people who are unattainable. The shows don’t delve that deep into character psyche, but I don’t think his attraction to the Doctor or Gwen is as simple as ‘oh, he’s in love them, but they don’t love him back the same way’ because that’s very surface level and would be pushing aside the traumatic experience that is simply living for Jack.

Jack loves these people because it keeps him going, keeps him running, and keeps the focus on someone other than himself. Because if Jack stops and thinks about himself, it hurts. And by investing in relationships that allow him that escape, he’s protecting himself from his own problems and shortcomings.

Now, looking at his relationship with Ianto, Jack seems to have the opposite problem. He’s so non comital in his love/attraction to him because Ianto IS attainable.

As far as we know Ianto doesn’t want the life Gwen wants (marriage and kids and a so called normal life). He was committed to Torchwood and chose Torchwood (One) and aliens and everything that came with it before he chose Jack. And Ianto, after the whole Cyberwoman thing, has no façade left. He is who he is and he loves Jack for who he is, and really just wants to get to know him, unlike the Doctor who finds Jack to be interesting, but shows no intention of getting to know him further once he becomes a problem he can’t fix. In a completely opposite way to his attraction to the Doctor and Gwen, Jack’s attraction/possible relationship with Ianto scares the shit out of him because it’s a very real, tangible possibility. In that sense, these two are compatible.

But for Jack, it’s easier to love someone like the Doctor or Gwen, who represent aspects of his life he thinks he can’t live up to or doesn’t deserve, than to love someone like Ianto, who fully accepts him and would make it easy. Jack goes for the hardship, for the relationship that from the start is sure not to work, because if it fails, it’s not on him.

[dreamingofscully]

6x06. “How the Ghosts Stole Christmas” - X-Files Rewatch

I wrote a lot about this episode, I hope you enjoy! Really thought this one gave us a ton of insight into M&S.

Mulder’s excuse to invite Scully out with him - a haunted house. He just wants to spend time with her. He’s feeling lonely. For some reason he’s not spending Christmas with anyone - not his mom, not the Gunmen. Even if he was, she’s the person he most wants to spend it with.

Mulder does his very best to entertain Scully with a ghost story. He’s being very seductive, but I don’t think he’s too serious about it - just wants her to spend time with him desperately. 

When Mulder describes Maurice (“brooding but heroic”) and Lyda (“a sublime beauty with a light that seemed to follow her wherever she went”) - I mean, c’mon, he’s describing THEM. 

“Driven by a tragic fear of separation they forged a lovers' pact so that they might spend eternity together and not spend one precious Christmas apart.”

HELLO?!

Even though Scully has somewhere to be, Mulder’s pull on her is irresistible. She has a family, a gift-opening, many traditions that she loves to take part in, SOMEWHERE ELSE TO BE, but she comes to see Mulder anyway. She protests, tries to leave, but only because she thinks Mulder also has plans, has people to spend the holidays with. Scully loves a good story, and this one hits close to home - scary, romantic and tragic.

Scully’s long monologue about why fearing ghosts is irrational, what it represents. She’s thought about it a LOT. She enjoys the thrill she gets from fear but also enjoys being able to explain it, put it in a box, conquer it.

It appears on the outside that Mulder is being selfish on inviting her here, occupying her time on a date where she has places to be, that he’s being insensitive. But the opposite is actually true. How difficult is Christmas going to be for Scully this year? To be around her family and remember her loss. To spend time with her nephew and having to hide her sorrow at the child she barely knew that was taken from her. To be expected to be full of Christmas cheer when all she wants to do is hide from the world, to yell and cry with anger and sadness. Mulder knows this, but doesn’t acknowledge it. He distracts her with ghosts, and it is the most wonderful thing he could do.

I love the contrast between Mulder and Scully meeting the ghosts, on experiencing the scary haunted house. Mulder is fascinated, while Scully is terrified. An incredible parallel to their experiences with the paranormal - Mulder just wants to know more but Scully rationalizes it to try to dispel her fears.

“Alright, I’m afraid. But it’s an irrational fear.” - Scully (Her first of three admissions this episode.)

This is a wonderful season to explore Scully’s fears. She is terrified of the unknown, of what she can’t explain rationally, which drives her stubbornness all throughout the next few seasons. It’s frustrating for Mulder, he doesn’t understand why she’s so resistant to believe even if she’s seen things she can’t deny, but it all stems from this fear. She doesn’t fully overcome it until much, much later (“all things”, I believe).

Mulder’s “I got your back” when Scully’s about to check out something strange/scary. Hilarious, and a simple attempt at humour. An attempt to show that Scully is the braver one. He might be less scared, but he pushes her, wants her to explore, and while Scully is afraid SHE is the one to open the door because HE pushes her to do so, because she needs to explain things to conquer her fear. She likes that about him, about their relationship. He gives her strength and courage to overcome her fears.

Scully gets into the next room, is comforted by evidence of the mundane. The wound clock, the fire that just went out. This place isn’t haunted, it’s just occupied.

Mulder is such a goofball. Enjoying pranking/scaring Scully, teasing her. He touches her shoulder. He calls her on her fears - that “Rationally, you've been in much more dangerous situations”. In a horror movie, Mulder would be the one doing all the things that YOU SHOULD NOT DO. Scully realizes this, haha.

Scully’s hand on his arm when they realize that the corpses are themselves. It’s meant to scare them, to make them believe something will happen to them. So the things that come later will be more believable and they’ll be more susceptible to Maurice and Lyda’s manipulations.

The psychoanalysis of Mulder and Scully.

A lot of these insights are accurate, but some of them reflect only what they FEAR is the truth.

Maurice → Mulder

I’m just going to comment here that Mulder is wearing my favourite outfit. Leather jacket, t-shirt and jeans. Hnnnnnnnnng.

“Are you overcome by the impulse to make everyone believe you?”

The one person he wants to believe him the most is extremely resistant to it. She says she believes him, but she can’t quite admit it to herself. This hurts him. 

“Narcissistic, overzealous, self-righteous egomaniac.”

Overzealous, yes, and perhaps self-righteous but I don’t agree with the others. Mulder would be WORRIED about the other things though. That he is too self-centered, that his personal quest has taken so much from Scully. He views himself as selfish, and undeserving of love and companionship because of it.

“You kindly think of yourself as single-minded but you're prone to obsessive compulsiveness workaholism, antisocialism... Fertile fields for the descent into total wacko breakdown.”

Single-minded: YES

Obsessive: YES; compulsive to the extent that he is impulsive and spontaneous when it comes to his quest, but not OCD

Workaholism: YES - Mulder doesn’t ever NOT work, as long as it’s associated with his obsession. He’s always at the bureau, or working at home, or dragging Scully to investigate mysterious things on the weekend.

Antisocialism: YES - He doesn’t care what other people think, doesn’t have much of a social life outside of his carefully chosen friends

Total wacko breakdown: he jokes about his mental stability, that he belongs in a mental institution, that they’d lock him up if he went there, that Scully could see him tied down on a bed. But in reality he is very stable emotionally - with all of the trauma he encounters he is very resilient, bounces back, pursues his quest

“You probably consider yourself passionate, serious, misunderstood. Am I right?”

YES. He doesn’t mind that people don’t get him, because he knows he’s on the right path. His joking and humour only covers up his vulnerability, otherwise he is very serious about most things.

“Most people would rather stick their fingers in a wall socket than spend a minute with you.”

OOF. This hurts him, hits home, gets right down to the core of his greatest fear, of being alone.

He brings up Scully, that he’s not actually alone. He didn’t take her car keys, but the ONLY REASON SHE’S IN THE HOUSE IS BECAUSE THEY WERE TAKEN. 

And where is she? “BEHIND A BRICK WALL.” One of their own construction - mainly Mulder’s.

“You know why you do it-- listen endlessly to her droning rationalizations. 'Cause you're afraid. Afraid of the loneliness. Am I right?”

This is why Mulder, after his frustration in “The Beginning”, is more accepting of her disbelief. He makes very good points about why she can’t believe in that episode, but he doesn’t really push her on it afterwards - because the alternative is loneliness. (He DOES know that the debate is necessary for their process, but also that her denials are unreasonable at this point, after what they saw.)

If he pushes her too much, will she leave?

Lyda → Scully

Her hand shaking when holding her gun is just perfection. I love how she calms, her hand steadies, but then starts trembling again when Lyda starts making strange insights, knows things she shouldn’t.

“You must have an awful small life. Spending your Christmas Eve with him... Running around chasing things you don't even believe in.”

Again, Scully wants more out of life. She wants to “get out of the car”, wants to experience family, intimacy, have a partner to share her life with. That Mulder seems incompatible with those things, that he could never settle down and stop chasing things in the dark.

“I can see it in your face... The fear... The conflicted yearnings... A subconscious desire to find fulfillment through another. Intimacy through co-dependency.”

Feeling that she can’t obtain intimacy with Mulder, she finds satisfaction just being with him, working with him, being NEEDED.

“Maybe you repress the truth about why you're really here pretending it's out of duty or loyalty-- unable to admit your dirty little secret. Your only joy in life is proving him wrong.”

This isn’t true, she loves working with Mulder, and believes her rationalizations only serve to build him up (they do). Recent tension between them would make her fear that Mulder thinks this way - that she has no purpose in their quest. Her unwillingness to believe, that it’s only about wanting to be right, will only serve to drive him away.

I love that Scully faints from fear at seeing the holes in Lyda’s stomach and Maurice’s head. When confronted with something SO UNBELIEVABLE, something that cannot be denied or rationalized or put in a box she just shuts down.

Lyda → Mulder

“I was young and beautiful once, just like your partner.” Any acknowledgement of Scully’s beauty just makes me 😍

“Maybe you two should have discussed your real feelings before you came out here.”

Heck, yeah! But Mulder can’t let himself. Even if he knew Scully felt the same about him, he doesn’t deserve to be loved by her.

Comparing Mulder’s reaction to seeing the hole in Lyda’s stomach to Scully’s. He’s disgusted because he accepts it as reality as a matter of course, while Scully is (literally) scared out of her mind.

When Lyda suggests Scully would shoot herself, Mulder’s “I wouldn’t let her”. 😍

“We're not lovers.” - Mulder, said with a sigh “And this isn't a pure science. But you're both so attractive and there'll be a lot of time to work that out.” - Lyda

Ummmmmmmmmm… can we have ghost-Mulder and Scully AU fanfic please?

Maurice → Scully

Mulder as “dark and lonely” - suggesting that he took the car keys to keep her with him. The little nuggets of truth that Maurice and Lyda offer to Mulder and Scully make it easier to accept the other things - the fears that they have about each other.

He’s got no one this Christmas, and she had no idea. 😥

Maurice and Lyda trick Mulder and Scully

When she sees “Mulder”, she’s so relieved and happy.

When “Mulder” rants about loneliness. Scully doesn’t believe in it. She thinks they can change, that they can choose to not be lonely. (This comes up again in “Milagro”. A VERY SIGNIFICANT EPISODE. Hnnng.) 

“You’re scaring me.” - Scully (2)

Scully’s face when he’s about to shoot himself. 😥

Mulder finding “Scully” 😥

Crawling along the floor in their blood.

“Are you afraid, Mulder? I am.” - Scully (3)

They can’t shoot each other, even when thinking that the other did it to them.

Of course Mulder figures it out first. He’s more open to believing that this is an illusion, a trick. Something unreal and paranormal rather than the reality of them having shot each other. He reaches for her and helps her up, showing her the evidence in front of her face that this isn’t real. Touches her uninjured stomach, covered in blood.

Lily Tomlin as Lyda and Ed Asner as Maurice were amazing. I loved their playfulness. That this was a horror-comedy instead of just a tragic, scary story.

Back at Mulder’s apartment

“I don’t deserve to be so happy.” - on the television in Mulder’s apartment at the end. How sad. But it describes him so perfectly this season. He doesn’t believe he deserves happiness. That he got to spend some time with Scully was wonderful, but now he’s back in his lonely apartment wishing she was still there, but not thinking it should ever happen. He knows what makes him happy, sharing and spending time with Scully, but she has her own “normal” life that he can never be a part of, that he doesn’t DESERVE to be a part of no matter how desperately he craves it.

When she shows up, he’s delighted. That she wants to be there with him, enjoys spending time doing WHATEVER, even if she’s scared, or refuses to believe. She enjoys their connection just as much as him. She views him as an important person in her life, just as much as her family. He agrees with Scully that it didn’t happen, doesn’t push her on her stubbornness to not believe, because he’s just happy she’s here. He chooses the opposite of loneliness.

Their acknowledgement of the fears that they have. Mulder’s on being selfish, and Scully’s on her reasons for working with him. I love that they mention these things rather than the ones that are actually true.

They do some heavy gazing at each other when talking about their vulnerabilities. 😍

I love how bashful they are when giving each other presents. It’s so cute!

Scully loves presents. I just love that tidbit about her. I don’t think she’s materialistic, the present could be anything. She just loves that someone cares enough about her to get her something meaningful, she loves the anticipation of unwrapping and seeing what it is.

After they opened their gifts, I think Scully invited Mulder to her mom’s house. Knowing he has nowhere to be, no one to spend it with. I just can’t see her choosing to leave him alone, and she WANTS to be with him. WANTS to live a life where they are together for holidays and significant events, not just because of work.

[damnfandomproblems]

I really don’t think it’s a big deal if you change a canon character’s orientation in fan works. If I mark my fan fic as “straight!name” and list the het pairing I haven’t erased shit, the original work is still out there. But when you insist all the characters are gay regardless of their orientation, and that idea persists as fanon… You kind of are doing a little erasing. Any new fan who checks out the original work will be biased by the fandom, and if they do see through it, they’ll be bullied mercilessly if they say so. I know a character who it’s popular fanon that he’s gay (you’ll be branded evil if you say otherwise, never mind the only reason to believe he’s gay is to ignore context and insist all love is romantic… Unless the characters are in any way related or of the opposite gender), but I always thought he was aroace. Still I have an idea for a fan fic where he has a relationship with a woman because it’s an idea that interests me. I would never claim that it represents canon perfectly; it’s an AU. What’s especially infuriating is the double standard. Leon from Fire Emblem is canonically into men and one comment implies he’s disinterested in women, and imagine blogs everywhere insist they will never write him in a het ship claiming they have the power to erase his canon sexuality. If it were a simple matter of personal comfort level that would be one thing, but it isn’t. Not a single one of these blogs is opposed to writing for Lukas from the same entry, who has a whole conversation about him questioning his sexuality, all but stating he’s aroace, even wondering if he’s “broken” (he uses that exact word) because he feels no attraction. The implication that you’re not entitled to someone of incompatible orientation unless they’re asexual or straight is disturbing. And I see no shortage of fanart of Lukas ships with other men. “Don’t erase this character’s canon sexuality!” Only applies to characters who are gay. Straight, bi, and ace characters may be erased constantly, and may even get called gay so they can get hit with the “Don’t erase their sexuality!” bit. This isn’t about social justice or respecting the source material. A lot of people just think gay is the only acceptable orientation and don’t care who they throw under the bus to enforce that rule.

[shrimpmandan]

I feel like the only reason the dysphoria debate exists is because a lot of people misunderstand/misinterpret what dysphoria is and what it isn't. This doesn't just go for tucutes, I've seen it from radmeds as well. So, because I have nothing better to do with my time, I'm going to break down GD into the most *layman* terms I possibly can, mixed with my own experiences as a trans guy. This is going off of the DSM-V's definition and criteria for gender dysphoria in adolescents and adults.

The Definition: A marked incongruence between one's experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of at least 6 month's duration, as manifested by at least two of the following ...

What It Means: Gender dysphoria is defined as a disconnect, dissonance, or distance between one's gender and their physical sex. Primary sex characteristics refer to the genitalia, which is colliquy known as bottom dysphoria. Secondary sex characteristics include but aren't limited to voice, facial hair, chest, fat distribution, hips, and bone structure.

The Symptom: A marked incongruence between one's experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics)

What It Means: We've established that "incongruence" can be defined as a disconnect, dissonance, or distance. The dictionary definition describes "incongruent" to mean "incompatible". Your physical sex is incompatible with your gender. Your physical sex doesn't represent your real self, and it creates a feeling of discomfort. Some trans kids who are pre-pubescent may dread puberty because of this fact. Some trans folks may not realize anything is wrong until they're a good way through puberty already. Personally, I didn't fully grasp the differences between the sexes until I was a bit older. I knew boys had penises, and that I wanted one, but that was it.

The Symptom: A strong desire to be rid of one's primary and/or secondary sex characteristics because of a marked incongruence with one's experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, the desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics)

What It Means: Have you ever had a fantasy about sawing your breasts or penis off? Throwing your uterus in the garbage? When your gender and sex are at odds, you want to get rid of the parts of your physical sex that are deemed "incompatible" with your gender, or prevent them from becoming a problem at all through the use of hormone blockers. Some trans people feel this less strongly than others, and may focus more on the desire for the sex characteristics of the opposite sex -- which is also a dysphoria symptom.

The Symptom: A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender

What It Means: Have you ever let your thoughts wander about what it'd be like if you were born in a body that accurately reflects your gender? What does that look like to you, and how does it make you feel? For some trans people, they are saddened by this because of what could've, should've been so from birth. Others are overwhelmed with joy at the thought and are excited for when they can pursue transition. Some trans people experience a mix of both! Gender euphoria and dysphoria are intrinsically tied. If you feel all giddy at the thought of being the opposite or some in-between sex, that's a sign you have dysphoria.

The Symptom: A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender)

What It Means: This is probably the most straightforward symptom. Have you had long fantasies about being of the opposite or an in-between sex? How did that make you feel? Did you feel happy? A sense of longing? Bittersweet? If you have a strong desire to live as closely to a different sex socially and physically as you possibly can given your circumstances, it's very unlikely that you're cis.

The Symptom: A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender)

What It Means: Commonly referred to as social dysphoria, this symptom refers to wanting to be perceived as a different sex by the rest of society. This manifests most commonly with pronouns. Males are referred to with He/Him, females She/Her, and They/Them is a neutral pronoun. For many, this also implies trying their best to pass. This doesn't mean trans people can't be GNC, but those with higher dysphoria may be more inclined to prioritize passing over free gender expression as to not risk being misgendered. You may also feel like you don't "fit in" with people of your assigned birth gender, and will gravitate more towards people of the same true gender as you.

The Symptom: A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender)

What It Means: This one is a bit hard to explain. Feelings and reactions aren't necessarily always different between the sexes. Any such differences are usually a result of socialization, e.g. a man being told that crying makes him weak, or a woman being told that she's too weak to do "men's work".

"A Strong Desire"

A criticism I've heard towards transmedicalism is not everyone experiences, or can identify, strong emotions. This is very much true, especially if you have autism or depression, which is common in transgender folks. Some autistic/ADHD people have alexithymia, which means they have the inability to identify and/or describe their own emotions and the emotions of others. Depression can only amplify this, making you feel numb and empty. And as someone who has both autism and depression, I can safely say that my dysphoria overpowers my low-key emotions, personally. Even though I have 5/6 symptoms, which is considered severe, I thought for the longest time that I had mild dysphoria because I wasn't really "feeling" much of anything. I don't at all blame someone for downplaying their own dysphoria because it's "not as bad" as what they read about. It's okay if you don't feel your dysphoria symptoms strongly! That doesn't necessarily mean you're not trans or are faking it.

"If you don't have both primary and secondary sex dysphoria, you just have body dysmorphia!"

This is something I heard from a radmed that I find downright hilarious. Body dysmorphia is not what radmeds think it is, AT ALL. Body dysmorphic disorder is described this way by Mayo Clinic:

Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health disorder in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived flaws in your appearance -- a flaw that appears minor or can't be seen by others. But you may feel so embarrassed, ashamed, and anxious that you may avoid social situations.

Yeah. I was told I just have body dysmorphia because I said I didn't have high bottom dysphoria. Trust me, I know why y'all dislike transmeds as a whole if you've only ever interacted with those types. They fucking suck and tend to downplay anyone who just has less dysphoria than themselves. Body dysmorphic disorder and gender dysphoria are completely different, complicated conditions that cannot and should not be placed on a spectrum with eachother. "Ph, you hate your body but don't have dysphoria? You have dysmorphia!" Don't diagnose people like that. You aren't a medical professional and you look stupid.

If anyone has any questions about this, any at all, feel free to ask in the notes or in my asks. I try to be as civil as possible as being snarky is not the best way to actually educate people.