#it's just. incompatible. he represents the opposite of what they do. you know.

[commsroom]

Sometimes I think about that post about how, in another life, Eiffel would have made a good SI5 agent due to his out of the box thinking and quick reaction time when things go wrong (see: all of Mayday). Can’t remember if it was you who made that post or not, but if it wasn’t you, do you have any thoughts on it?

haha oh, no!! that definitely wasn't me; i have the opposite opinion!! i think that's a misunderstanding of what qualities are most important for an si-5 agent. they're paramilitary spies and union busters. out-of-the-box thinking is only useful to them if it can be trusted in service of their goals, and eiffel is not reliable, driven, or morally flexible enough for that. i've spoken to people who think that his loyalties could've been won at a worse place in his life, but i firmly disagree. eiffel at his worst is self-focused and entirely indulgent. he made the mistakes he made out of selfishness and short-sighted personal desire. he isn't ambitious, he can't hold a job, he has issues with authority. he has very firm morals and can't compartmentalize; he hurt people and the guilt of that, his inability to reconcile those actions with what he believes in, weighs him down. he doesn't need direction or purpose the way someone like jacobi does, and he's perfectly okay with closing the door on something because it's scary.

eiffel is honestly fine just being a nobody, so that's not something exploitable - getting eiffel to do anything, even some things he wants to do, is like pulling teeth, nevermind trying to convince him it's necessary to harm innocent people in service of a nebulous corporate goal. he has a lot of flaws, don't get me wrong, but they're the wrong kind of flaws for this, even at his worst. i really don't believe he'd ever be sought out for something like that when there are people who are quick-thinking survivalists who are also ambitious, and willing to hurt people in service of that ambition, out there.

and eiffel is pretty good at his job, but he's just an average person with a particular skill-set, who could do that job well enough and still be marked as disposable for other purposes. he's not si-5 level good; everything else aside, they are some of the best of the best in their respective fields. i honestly think that's an important thing to remember about the si-5, too - they fundamentally consider the hephaestus crew as targets, not as coworkers; minkowski's crew is made up of people with a moderate skill level, not geniuses - even hera was selected from a list of people who otherwise didn't make the cut. hilbert being relegated there for his final mission is a mark of cutter losing faith in him. they are not operating on the same level.

(i would believe, to some extent, that kepler was curious about eiffel after what he accomplished in mayday. i think he was trying to test eiffel's loyalties and see if he could be swayed - among many other motives - but i think he gave up on that pretty quickly once he realized what dealing with eiffel is like, and i don't think he ever intended to "recruit" eiffel in any official sense; a lot of the si-5's early actions are, again. union busting. they're trying to divide the crew. and speaking of that: being a good si-5 agent also requires a lot of lying to people's faces, which... um... well.)

[pruskita]

Hi hi hello sorry for the bother csn u tell me about your Void in your auu (^^ゞ? thank you so much and sorry for the bother hehe!!

Hellooooo :D

First of all I doubt that he would have talked about Void, only two people know about his Lore, but I'm going to take advantage of this to say his Lore, this will be long.

Okay, let's go with a summary if possible, but it may be very long, I'm so sorry.

From the very beginning, there was nothing, that changed until two beings were created out of nothing and these two became known as Void and Galcatic Nova, They were later classified as gods as they were the first to exist and then both came to represent life and death respectively, Despite what one may initially think that they will come to hate each other for being opposite or because everything that life creates will end up dead, both get along well too good, since at the beginning they both started out as brothers and they still are twin brothers, so they both got excited about what the other did.

Void, apart from being the goddess of life, is considered the creator of all living also as a creator of all types of magic, beings, from the most common bacteria to the most immense constellations, Everything starts most of the time by cell phone that go forming their own path of evolution but Void giving the origin to everything, like the planets, that some let themselves create themselves and others that she created.

But above all, what Void depends on for its existence are the puffs and dark matter that are born from the emotions that Void has or that he absorbs from his surroundings Initially, Void wanted to have only children with her, so that they would be somewhat dependent but also free to live their lives, Although he first wanted to make a combination of both just to have a unique kind of children who were born from positive or negative emotions, but he saw that it was incompatible Since what came out were only creatures that did not show emotions or that soon disappeared, so he thought of dividing his children into two species so that they could live.

As something that is not surprising to many, dark matter is born from the negative emotions that Void has or that she absorbs from the people around her Even though the materials need a little more emotions to be created than the puffs, the Dark Matter themselves can create more of them. On the other hand, Puffs are born from positive emotions and little was needed to give life to a Puff, but Puffs cannot have more of them, it depends on Void to have more of them. And both esovien know that it comes from Void and in its beginnings it was very common to see the subjects with the Puff or the reverse

So let's assume that all is well and all is happy and life and death take their course, that is until the larger communities of ancient times begin to see the two gods as objects of power, Of course they have power, but communities stop seeing them as beings with their own identity and lives and instead see them as figures, a figure that they do not like. Even though they are gods, why should they have the power to give life, magic or have control over all of Hades and death? That was the thought of the ancients and of various communities, they should be the ones to divide the power.

So the powerful people began to spread rumors about both gods, to turn other mortals against both of them, those people who were untruthful or who did not agree with it, they were murdered and disappeared, blaming the gods. But not only spreading rumors about them was enough, they wanted the two under their control and to take away their powers, underneath they all began to create plans. Pallets and armies to catch both gods, no matter how much time will pass, generations will continue to do so and if they left mortals with bad ideas about the gods, about Dark Matter, of the Puff and the knights of Hades better since that way no one could be against them when they go for the gods

The plan finally succeeded after eons and attempts to fail, several lives were lost and they cared less about the lives of always mortals who were going to go after one of the Gods, even though Nova would be the easiest to capture, they still didn't have the Star Dream, so the most logical thing was to go seal Void, if they sealed it Nova would go for her sister so they could capture him in the next few days, maybe even years but they could have the gods

Said, thought and done, they went after the goddess Void to seal her, it was a horrible battle that ended with several planets with several deaths and injuries, terrible consequences, but between Among all the people there were 4 soldiers who gave the coup de grace to end up capturing the goddess, those 4 were later known as the heroes of yore

Well how did you manage to seal a goddess, they themselves knew that it would be impossible to do it with the complete goddess, so they separated her little by little with each attack, they were horrible moments for Void His body was slowly being mutilated and destroyed by those he once saw as his creations, despite his screams and pleas as he defended himself against them all. The tiredness, the exhaustion, the loss of his own power made that in the end the only thing he can do being only a part of his soul stripped of his body is to crawl Without a voice to scream in agony, without being able to see where her attackers were, without being able to hear where the things that hurt her came from, without being able to feel where she was, she was defenseless. Until I only feel 4 spears entering the only thing she had left of herself and being sealed

Where is your brother, if they were both gods they could both finish off all those mortals together, right? Yes they could do it but Void did not want to put Nova at risk, he knew that if she was not there life could be fine, it could follow a natural course, she could continue creating the Dark Matter or puff But if they caught Nova they could have the power in Hades or in their own knights it would be chaos in death, so with tears in his eyes Void said goodbye to Nova saying that she knew That he was going to get her out of there, no matter how much time passed, she knew that her brother would get her out while he was gone and prevent Nova from leaving Hades through magic.

Nova, unable to leave Hades, can only cry, scream, and be filled with despair as she watched her sister being tortured by those who sealed her, even though she wants to go for her, even though he would be able to give himself up to leave his sister, he could only cry while being supported by his knights, Nova ended up hating herself for not being able to do anything for her sister, or for her own knights who were now considered a danger by the Mortals

The ancients achieved part of their mission of sealing a goddess, now it would be the next part of their plans while they hide the truth from both gods, They painted themselves as the good guys saying that the seal was necessary because the goddess Void was destroying ever ne in her path, they named their own heroes, Even if he knew his "heroes" were terrible people, as long as they served him he would use them for their own good.

And so Void was left as a destroyed goddess, mutilated, sealed in places so that no one could come close to helping her, not even her brother who was hurting himself trying to get her out of there.

If you got this far, thank you! THANK YOU! This is the first time I upload Void's Lore, there are some things I want to explain later.

But from Void's side it's what it is so far, thanks for reading and thanks anon for asking

[kunosoura]

top 5 ships

I'm not a huge nerd for like sailing/space flight/etc so when we're talking ships the ones I like the most are more for what they Represent. So in no particular order:

The S.S. Stormborn from Naddpod, I just love the story beat of an orphan learning about his parents and taking up his father's place on the helm of his old ship

The Bebop (and every scifi ship that's like "this is a piece of shit like fishing/shipping/industrial ship converted for use as both a home and a workhorse for a group of grey market mercenaries trying to eke out a living in the stars)

Arsenal Gear from MGS2. There's something about that completely impractical and overblown sort of scifi maximalism prompting people to make impractically huge floating fortresses that I simply adore.

In what is I guess the complete opposite of the last example, The Lookfar from Earthsea. One boat that can comfortably fit maybe two people and the endless potential of the seas stretching in every direction.

That one flying ship from pokemon the movie 2000 no thematic notes here I just thought it was sick as fuck as a kid

You're probably actually asking about my favorite fictional relationships (canon or theoretical), I don't do fandom type shipping stuff that much but here's what I got for you. Maybe not top five, no particular order, but I think about these a lot.

Madohomu. You might have seen this coming. Girl with something wrong with her x girl with something wrong with her. Aloof facade hiding mountains of pain x emotions worn on the sleeve in the face of incomprehensible horror. Incompatible self sacrifice complexes. No possible happy ending.

Narusasu. You probably also saw this one coming. It's a perfect tragedy. Naruto really was the only person who understood Sasuke's pain, and he used that influence to win him back to subservience to liberalism and away from in any meaningful way changing the system that had forced them both to endure isolation and nightmares as children. Then they fucked off to the least happy heterosexual marriages in the world. Sublime.

Franklin and Charlie from Merrily We Roll Along. You know that old saying about how some men ruin the lives of every woman they love because their soulmate is a man? Franklin Shepard is the gay Sondheim character, NOT Bobby (who I will go to my grave saying is and has always been intended as a straight man). He got caught in a raid on a Greenwich village and had to get counseling in the 60s ffs like that's like textual!!! When his first wife is brought up he's a little bitter in the easy ough bitch ex wife taking all my money way but apparently bringing Charlie up after their alienation is a surefire way to get him in a horrible mood. The story is to me all but textually about a man driving himself further and further into the closet so he can succeed in Hollywood.

aw man you guys can't make fun of me for this one you have to promise but I still find monica/chandler cute. Like yeah largely nowadays I consider friends to be an extremely dated show that is all but unwatchable because of how much it relies on a style of tv storytelling that has all but died out and how it stretched the few decent things it had over way too many seasons and also its shitty politics. But I still like the monica/chandler relationship. It's cute and they're sweet.

I don't know if I'd say this is an all timer for me but lately I've been really sort of savoring the dynamic between Ssrin and Anna from Exordia. There's so much sensuality between them whenever they're on the page together. Really saves that book from the endless mire of drama between those two gay ass cops.

[libraincarnate]

astrology notes: 6 🐉

quick note: i'm absolutely not an astrologer. these are just a collection of some observations, thoughts, theories, and personal experiences. with that being said, i'm still learning along the way & i may come back to edit this post to make corrections. above all this is just for fun. lastly, keep in mind that i’m not reading your birth chart and i know nothing about you. these are just some possibilities that may or may not apply to you. enjoy!

🗡 sag mercury: “be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it.”

🗡 @elysiansparadise had mentioned that people with sun square moon may have parents who have a strained relationship with each other or they may be very incompatible. my friend has this aspect and long before checking her parents’ synastry chart i thought they worked better as friends.

her parents were childhood friends- her mom has an aquarius venus which can be a “friends to lovers” type of placement. they have an 11th house stellium in their synastry chart.

they have been married for a long time- her dad’s venus aspects her mom’s saturn. with that being said, venus represents aphrodite, love, femininity, women, love & mars represents ares, masculinity, men, sex. her dad has venus opposite mars in his natal chart and her mom has mars square venus in her natal chart.

they’re different in the way that moon and the sun are night and day. her dad is more logical & reserved/introverted. her mom is more emotional & social/extroverted. they share the same faith but they also have some important differences regarding their religious beliefs. she’s loud, he’s quiet. etc.

🗡 how many of you with scorpio, mars, or a fire sign in the 8th house have red as your favorite color?

🗡 taurus/libra/venus in the 2nd house: these natives are so naturally beautiful & radiant. they don’t have to try hard at all. they have a personal sense of style. jewelry was made for their bodies.

🗡 libra rising: libra rising is known for having beautiful symmetrical faces. i’ve noticed some people with this placement who don’t have symmetrical faces might wonder why.

#1 you’re human so it’s normal to have an asymmetrical face, most humans do.

#2 you may have have one of your dominant planets in the 1st house. remember that different planets rule different body parts and are associated with different physical features. for example, if you’re moon dominant and it’s in the first house you may have a fuller/rounder & cherub like face. mars dominant 1st house- strong/defined face & forehead, could be androgynous, lusty eyes. saturn dominant 1st house- intimidating smaller eyes, mature face, sharp facial structure/features.

or you may have harsh aspects to your rising sign. for example venus relates to beauty so having venus opposite rising may have an influence on your appearance or how symmetrical your face is.

#3 with that being said having harsh aspects to your rising doesn’t make you unattractive. you're gorg/handsome regardless so who cares.

& if you’re not a libra rising, you can also apply this logic if you don’t have much of your rising sign’s physical traits.

🗡 neptune-venus aspects: wanting to “fix or save him/her” fall in love during the process and live happily ever after.  

🗡 leo mars: might not like when people touch their hair, certain people like hairstylists may be excepted.

🗡  the house your venus is in can show what you like or love about yourself, what others like/love about you. some of your attractive traits & qualities. and what you like about others.

venus in the 1st house: you might really love your self and be an advocate for self love. others may love your personality, your perspective of life, and think you have a beautiful body. you could be attracted to confidence, the way a person carries themselves.

venus in the 10th house: you may like your work ethic, how independent & disciplined you are. others may like the way you take initiative, your ambition, your honesty. you could be attracted to those who possess fame and success.

venus in the 3rd house: you may like the way you think/your way of applying logic and processing information. others may love talking to you, how you have a way with words, your accent. you could be attracted to well kept or veiny hands, people with vehicles like luxurious cars or motorcycles.

venus in the 4th: you may love your mom a lot or think she's really beautiful. like being at home & could be into interior design. others may like your family/being around them, the idea of starting a family with you, your warm and nurturing personality. could be attracted to those who are family-oriented and possess emotional intelligence.

🗡 fixed signs in the 9th house: if religious, they take their spiritual life seriously and are a firm believer in whichever doctrine they subscribe to. very devoted individuals. consistently going to a place of worship like church, the mosque, a temple, synagogue, etc.

these aren’t fixed signs but cancer in the 9th gives me mother mary vibes lol. virgo here would probably be quite pedantic and technical regarding things like details about sacred text and spiritual practices/rituals.

🗡 having both gemini and scorpio placements in a chart can make one sneaky, stealthy, ninja, fbi son of a gun. scorpios know how to be secretive, source information, remain in the dark and disguising themselves as your shadow as they observe you. able to move around quietly. geminis are fast, agile, also able to source information, devious, double agent like, quick thinkers. they both just know things. always a step ahead.

🗡 jupiter in the 5th or positively aspecting your ascendant or inner planets in the 5th house: winning games, contests, bets, money, prizes without much effort. i remember winning bingo like 5 times in one round and people started getting annoyed lol.

if you read this until the end i hope you enjoyed it & thank you so much for reading. ♥︎♥︎♥︎, those hearts are for you.

[terrence-silver]

How do you think Terry's father felt about his son growing his hair and wearing it in a ponytail? Do you think Terry ever told him about Ponytail?

Hippies are everywhere and they have infected my son. Or have they?

--- A long, aggrieved conspiracy memoir by Terry Silver's father.

No, but all jokes aside, think about it, because speculations are all we have on the subject; basic math, Terry's father must've been born somewhere before even the 50's (maybe during the post-war era, as a member of the Silent Generation), and he'd carry with him the sensibilities and worldviews of someone from decades before the 60's and 70's, mentality-wise and that's just a guess, but it could be a fairly accurate guess. Long hair? Shouldn't the boys returning from the war come back straightened out, as they say? All grown? Hardened? Cleaned-shaved? With military discipline? Decent, strong, firm and encapsulating everything men traditionally should be? Honored martyrs, heroes and diligent workers? Wasn't that the basic promise of sending sons to war and the reward that comes in tow with it? Maturity gained in combat and service to this great nation? That means, no long hair, because everyone with long hair could've represented those slackers who, ironically, didn't go to the war in the 60's. Draft dodges, commies who read Karl Marx on campus and college rats, the way Silver Senior might've seen things. Those no-good, protest sign and guitar tottering, reefer-huffing, unwashed...you know what? Never-mind.

Because I want to amuse myself, could be really funny if Terry's dad expected his son to come home as one thing --- and he came back as the total opposite. Or several levels of opposing things, each one more heinous, baffling, confusing, contradictive and shocking to Terry's, undoubtedly, staunch traditionalist father than the other:

Long hair? Check!

Greased up long hair? Check! Maybe he can forgive the grease. James Cagney had grease in his hair too.

A strange, newfound interest in martial arts? Check!

Tattooed out...like a common sailor? Check!

Odd trips to Korea to hone newfound hobby? Check!

Bankrolling a friend's...dojo? What's a dojo?

What is a Gi? What is Tang Soo Do? What is anything?

Cobra Kai?

Does Terry have an earring in his ear? Check!

An aspirational, yet oddly intimate friendship with a military compatriot? Is...that a matching tattoo? A confused check!

John Kreese being an ideally manly man (and everything Silver Senior might've dreamed of his song being?) and an admirable company to keep and yet Terry popping out as the eccentric one, making things even more confusing? Why? Check?

Terry having brought back enough violence and bigotry with him to where Silver Senior can rest assured Terry is not in fact, (gasp!) a hippie, even if he does on occasion look like one? Like that's the worst thing one can honestly be? Check!

Terry being infinitely a puzzle to his own father who can't quite pinpoint him? A part of him could even have been scared at who came back home? Check!

I think that if Terry ever told a family member about the story and the reason why he came home with the ponytail, and the tale behind it wasn't as banal as a mere fashion movement, it could just make him more a mystery difficult to read and might even garner some initial admiration (and whispers), having had this experience and pact of camaraderie forged in combat that ''only a man could ever experience'', serving as a testament to his growth and worth in going from the thin, shy boy he left for the military as, but I also think it could make whatever sheltered, privileged individuals Terry grew up with somewhat distanced from him due to their experiences effectively drifting away from this point on and becoming incompatible (how many of them have been prisoners of war? How many of them watched a person die in front of their very eyes? How many of them have seen the snake pit? Truth is, they'd have less and less to talk and bond about than ever before, and as we've seen, this is something that followed Terry well into his old age; his interactions with individuals of wealth are extremely surface level and blase) and the very thing that should've assured that a young Terry's father will admire him for serving could've turned out to be the same thing that alienated Terry, at least a bit, from his own rich peers, making him The Other --- neither here nor there. Too weird, raw and traumatized for the upper crust 1% he was born among, and too bizarre, high and up there for ordinary individuals.

[fugamalefica]

Do you think Voldemort could've had a romantic relationship with human Nagini?

Absolutely not.

See, I hate comparing Nagini to Bellatrix because not only are those two characters completely different from each other, their places are entirely different for Voldemort as well. Nagini is a pet and some sort of a mother figure to Voldemort. Bella is his lover, the only meaningful relationship he ever had with a human being. The most complex of his relationships. There is no hierarchy between them and there cannot be. They're both characters I adore (even though I love Bella much, much more as I am sure you very well know). I believe Voldemort is fond of both albeit in different ways, different levels of intensity, and different reasons, all of which are incomparable. In fact, I see them as almost complementary to each other. Bella, Nagini, and Delphi. The wife, the mother, and the daughter. The unusual family Voldemort had.

Now, you must be thinking that I do compare Nagini and Bella. Yes I do, and I hate doing it, but do understand me that when one is in a fandom full of simplistic idiots it is often necessary, no matter how unbearably, to stoop down to their level if only to put one's own mind at ease. That's the only reason why I have ever compared two characters who are not even meant to be compared despite myself.

Now, coming to your question. I definitely do not think Voldemort could have had any sort of positive relationship, let alone a romantic one, with human Nagini. Human Nagini is completely opposite of what Voldemort wanted, completely opposite of what attracted him, and even had qualities that would have repulsed him. I think this was all written deliberately by Rowling perhaps to make her transformation even more tragic. Human Nagini is so far so incompatible to Voldemort (his younger and older self. Don't forget he was making Horcruxes at 15 and killing his paternal family at 16) that the only sort of relationship I can see them having is one of manipulation to take advantage of Nagini's powers due to being a maledictus. In such a scenario, impossible as it is, I would not compare Nagini to Bella. I would compare her to Hepzibah Smith.

Human Nagini was raised as an outcast without a wand – Claudia Kim even implied she could not do magic at all – abused, in a circus. This would have reminded Voldemort of what he completely scorned about himself, the parts of him that disgusted him so much as to mutilate his soul to get rid of them. Even a relationship between Voldemort and Hermione Granger, in my opinion, is likelier than a relationship between Voldemort and human Nagini. Human Nagini said Purebloods killed the likes of her for sport, the very same Purebloods Voldemort was championing for and wanted to be a part of.

I do not even want to mention Bella in this ask, but it neccessitates it. Bella was everything Voldemort's cause, his dreams, represented. She was everything Voldemort wanted to be and admired. She represented the best parts of him. Human Nagini was the opposite.

As @metvmorqhoses also stated, he would consider Nagini's transformation to a snake similar to his own transformation from the abused orphan to the Dark Lord. With all that it implies, he would be disgusted with human Nagini just as much as he would be disgusted with the abused orphan Tom Riddle with his Muggle father's face. The snake Nagini, on the other hand, would be to him an impressive creature who has successfully shed her sullied skin and become a magical, powerful, almost divine snake.

Also, human Nagini never wanted to turn into a snake. She wanted to retain her humanity. Her entire personality was something Voldemort would, as much as it pains me to say it, find absolutely pathetic. I adore her, in both human and snake form, but I doubt Voldemort would say the same.

[impalementation]

Hi! I just wanted to let you know that I have watched your video essay so many times already and (as I hope you know) I think your analysis is incredibly smart and fascinating to read. I had a question about Buffy's shadow selves: you've talked about Cordelia, Faith, and Spike being shadow selves at different times, and one thing I find interesting is that they seem to represent different parts of her life (Cordelia as human, self-absorbed; Faith as Slayer, isolated; Spike as vampire...). I was wondering what your thoughts are on Cordelia - the human - being Buffy's shadow self in season 1 specifically? It feels like an interesting choice to have the part of herself that she is repressing be represented by someone who is ostensibly what she wishes she could be? Apologies if this is a dumb question, I just would love to hear your thoughts!

Thank you so much!! And actually, this isn't a dumb question at all. In fact I think it's a very very key question. I was asking myself the same thing too, and I'll be talking about it a lot more over the course of the season one videos--especially when we get to "Out of Mind, Out of Sight" and "Prophecy Girl." I think this question is also crucial to why Xander plays a particularly large role in season one.

A bit braindead, so this is going to be sort of vague and general. But basically, throughout almost the whole show, Buffy tends to be torn between her humanity and her non-humanity (being the Slayer). At different times, she either doesn't trust one half of herself, or thinks she cannot access it. Or simply thinks that her halves cannot be united. Metaphorically, Buffy's sense of division is a representation of the division between the conscious and the unconscious (as well as stuff like persona vs self). The unconscious half is of course the shadow and tends to be represented by Buffy's shadow selves.

The reason I see Cordelia as Buffy's shadow in the first season is because in the first season, in contrast to subsequent seasons, Buffy doesn't trust her humanity. Most obviously, this distrust is shown by her trying to tell Willow, Xander, and Giles not to help her in the first two episodes. But there's also another level, which is represented by Cordelia. Which is: she thinks that in order to be herself, she has to deny being the Slayer. Which means that to choose to be human and herself must be inherently selfish, right? If being human and being the Slayer is incompatible, then if you choose to be human, aren't you choosing to let people die? This is why Buffy is constantly trying to do human things like cheerleading and going on dates in season one, and Giles is constantly telling her that she has a sacred duty and can't. He's her consciousness, which is still ruled by tradition, telling her to repress her humanity because it gets in the way.

But what Cordelia and Xander both prove, from different directions, is that her humanity can be trusted after all. Xander may be powerless, but the way his ability to love and care motivates him to help parallels the way Buffy's own emotions do the same thing. Eg, as I'll talk about in the video for "The Harvest", he and Buffy both want to rescue Jesse despite others telling them not to. It's a very direct parallel that shows the value of her having a heart. And this is why "Prophecy Girl" has Xander help Buffy even after she rejects him; it resolves the fear that her human heart is deep down only selfishly motivated. Because he still loves and wants to help her even if he didn't get what he wanted. But Cordelia embodies the fear that to be human is to be selfish much more completely, which is why she's the shadow. And this also gets resolved in "Prophecy Girl." If even Cordelia, this embodiment of human selfishness, can turn out to want to help in Buffy's fight, then Buffy doesn't have to fear her humanity after all.

By contrast, the later seasons have Buffy going in the opposite direction, with fearing she's losing her humanity, and instead it's her non-human half that can't be trusted. Which is why the shadow becomes a Slayer and then a vampire. The progression of things she thinks cannot possibly be part of her becomes steadily more inhuman, as she plumbs scarier and scarier parts of her psyche. Though no matter how scary it gets, it always turns out--Cordelia, Faith, and Spike all included--that her shadow wants to help her save the world.

Anyway, there's obviously a ton more to say about all of this, but that's what I've got for now. Thanks for asking!

[misslolasynastry]

Celebrity Synastry Analysis

Married at First Sight - Season 13

Michela and Zack

Couples' Synopsis 💭: Michaela is an energetic, life of the party, extroverted personality. Zack (on the show, I noticed Michaela spelled his name with an h Zach instead of k Zack so apologies if the spelling is wrong. Lifetime uses k Zack) whos more relaxed, go with the flow, sensual romantic, sensitve type. So far up to episode 12, they liked each other but it went downhill relatively fast. Theyre very erratic emotionally where Michaela has anger problems and Zack has trouble with his emotions and conflict. First day of the wedding, they seemed anxious but optimistic. Zack leads activities and Michaela decides if she wants to participate that day. They argue almost every time theyre in the same room. Zack has gone on to say that he doesnt feel safe around Michaela due to her anger outbreaks. Michaela wants him but doesnt quite grasp how her premature reactions affect him. She wants to just start over like nothing happened, while Zack wants to take things slow. When around others, they pretend that things are fine. Most fans agree that they should part ways due to their reactive intensity. Its their trouble with communication and inability to resolve conflict without things getting excessive that make their union challenging.

Below is an example of what I give for basic synastry clients. One thing astrology doesnt account for is having a mutual connection. As 2 people can be completely incompatible and still desire each other i a love/lust way. On the other hand couples with highly compatible charts may have no feelings for each other. However, the compatible couple usually has more longevity due to their ability to relate and understand each other as problems are easily dealt with. Synastry analyzes 2person comparing their behaviors and personality traits and how they interact with each other. This can be done for couples, family members, and friends.

🌞 Sun - Libra * Taurus

Represents what each person takes pride in and is the core of their personality. Although Libra (Zack) and Taurus (Michaela) are both ruled by venus, the approach is very different. Libra Suns are intellectual, fun loving, peacekeeping, driven, and social zodiacs. Tauruses are more sensual, emotional, stubborn, and materialistic. Libras prefer things more easygoing, friendly, and fun, but a Taurus would like things a bit deeper and more personal than that. At any rate, on Zack and Michaela's wedding day they were polar opposites. Michaela was very focused on appearance while Zack seemed a little detached trying to get to know her throughout the day.

🌛 Moon - Capricorn * unknown

Represents how each handles emotions, feelings, and the way they feel nurtured. Unfortunately I was not able to find Michaela's birthday (only her birth year and zodiac) so Im going by what information I could find. At the same time, Im going to presume that they do have incompatible moons based on the way they react when sharing feelings or attempts to nurture. Zack is the Capricorn moon . Some would find this surprising based on how much he's cried on the show. But if you look closely at the chart, his moon is aspected by Uranus (erratic/unexpected) and Neptune (escapist and delusion). So if you keep that in mind, this definitely explains why hes so emotional and bolts when anxious. Capricorn moons are fatherly, reserved, hardworking, and serious often seeming cold but they're just calculated and take on a mature approach to emotions. They nurture those they love by doing things through traditional means, which involve caring and supporting family and their spouse by doing little tasks and preparing for your future together making sure you have what you need. But this emotional nature is severely hot and cold from Zack due to his fear of Michaela and previous relationship trauma. Zack would make attempts to comfort Michaela and she often had a "No, but....." rebuttal which made him feel unreciprocated. Its Zack's aspects to his moon which make him more emotional than the norm.

🗣 Mercury - Libra * (Aries or Taurus)

Represents the way you communicate, process information, and the key to what goes on in a person's head. This is often overlooked by most couples but its VERY important when you want to ne heard and understood. Based on Michaela's interviews and their arguments Id guess that she is a Taurus mercury from her high sensitivity and confusion toward the things that Zack says, and her stubbornness. But as for Zack's Libra mercury he is a peacekeeper, jokester, intellectual, very careful and calculated in the way he says things. Overall a solid ability in the way hes able to communicate and share his thoughts as all air signs. Although, hes emotionally erratic and an escapist, hes still an effective communicator if you listen closely to what he says before his moon emotions take over. However, he is also passive and people pleasing so hes quick to give up. I also noticed that jupiter aspects his mercury which makes him overly optimistic at times. Its likely why he keeps making light of their relationship to other people, despite his concerns which confuses Michaela and fans.

💝 Venus - Virgo * (Gemini or Cancer)

Represents your creativity, romance style, inspiration, and foreplay. Based on the activities and her responses to Zack during intimate moments, I would guess that Michaela is a Gemini Venus. This is based on her desire to connect with different people, preferring fun tasks and enjoying great conversationalists. Venus in Virgo on the other hand enjoy comfortability, sensual romance, and routine. Zack at his brightest, enjoyed moments where things were peaceful and intimate such as the studio date or when they were alone and quiet. He's most satisfied in solitude where he can relax and enjoy his surroundings with his partner. I noticed on each of their dates they seem a bit out of touch even on their wedding day. Where Michaela was having fun, Zack was more sensual and intimate. This also explains why on each of their dates there is some disconnect between the 2. Venus maintains that spark and ability to enjoy time together even when times get rocky. Something this couple struggles with due to their differences. Its often the culprit when couples stop having date night because they enjoy different romantic things.

😡 Mars - Libra*Cancer

Represents the way you respond to conflict, what motivates you, and the style of sex you prefer. They are both incompatible here as they seek to resolve conflict, and become triggered in different ways. I find that when couples are incompatible in Mars or Moon this is when I hear the word Narcissist the most. Because both individuals can have alternate perspectives, its VERY easy to misjudge each other's intentions and make assumptions. This is usually where communication comes in handy. Their Mars makes a square aspect meaning that this difference is so challenging that overcoming it can take some deep inward work and mutual understanding. Libra the peacemaker tends to want to resolve things straight away but give up easily. Cancer Mars are emotional when upset, so their feelings can often cloud decision making. So you have Cancer the sensitive emotional person arguing about how something made them feel, an Libra the intellectual that gets tired of explaining and trying to resolve what triggered the argument in the first place. You notice this if you pay attention closely when Zack and Michaela argue, some people only pick up on 1-2 sentences and then focus on that but listening to the entire conversation puts things into perspective. Zack will say how he doesnt like something and thinks they need to work on it, Michaela gets sensitive regarding 1-3 words and focuses on that and starts getting upset. Zack then shutsdown and becomes emotionally erratic with crying. Once Mars clashes the Moon emotions switch steps in and takes over. Rinse and repeat. I could go on forver regarding how many planets of Zack's square Michaela's mars.....ultimately making this relationship very difficult to reconcile.

When it comes to aspects traditionally I would break down them all, but when first looking at someone's chart in a basic synastry standpoint, I analyze longevity factors first. Such as aspects to Saturn, Pluto, North Node, and at times Juno. But to keep this shorter Ill stick to the 3 major aspects. Conjunctions, Trines, and Squares

😇Saturn Trine Sun - Saturn is loyal to and trustworthy of Sun who brings joy and energy into the relationship. There's a desire to be committed

😇Saturn Trine Jupiter - challenges make this a relationship for steady growth and maturity. Its slow but it is progress.

😭Saturn Square Pluto - Pluto has the ability to breakdown Saturn's defenses but then attempts to turn it for their own benefit. In turn, Saturn becomes seemingly cold, self serving, and uncaring. A battle for dictatorship in the relationship.

😇Pluto Trine Chiron - the relationship brings deep healing and transformation as both let go and learn to be more receptive to things theyd usually fight against.

👥North Node Conjunct Moon - an intense emotional bond where North Node acts a role model to Moon (Moon is Zack). They both benefit from having emotional security.

👥North Node Conjunct Uranus - Uranus (Zack) isnt easy to pin down and can be seemingly unpredictable. Through this, North Node is able to be more conscious of themselves and things they struggle with. This causes North Node to change their way of thinking for healthier more expanded patterns.

👥North Node Conjunct Neptune - both can feel spiritually bound in a strange way. Neptune (Zack) awakens healing in North Node by pulling them out of delusions and turning them toward individual lessons. However, they can both at times idealize each other or manipulate.

😭North Node Square Mercury - Mercury (Zack) can be positively influential on North Node in the things they say to help benefit their future. But North Node can be quite resistant to this. In turn both lose sight of the future and get caught up in the moment.

😭North Node Square Mars - initial tension can create attraction but this disguises anger, aggression, fight for control, and competition rather than a union. For resolve they would have to evaluate themselves rather than each other and attempt to work together on a mutual purpose.

😭North Node Square Jupiter - sense of direction can be lost as Jupiter (Zack) can confuse North Node with pleasure seeking and misplaced optimism. North Node can make them both wander aimlessly with no sense of purpose and poor decision making.

😇North Node Trine Jupiter - North Node (Zack) has the ability to accentuate both person's strengths to help steer them on the right path. Jupiter person's philosophical nature helps North Node on their life path and can benefit each career.

📒 Final thoughts: Based on their compatibility and aspects, this relationship can teach them alot about themselves, but they may not be destined for each other long term. The problems with anger and misunderstandings could very well be a long standing battle as they slowly progress over the years. Im willing to bet that theyd grow apart as they learn from each other. But in the meantime, both could use some individual healing first before ever considering to work on the relationship. With Zack's emotional anxiety and erratic tendencies, I dont think its healthy for him to be around her until they both mature a bit more. His hot and cold nature paired with her extreme outbursts could both cause them to do things they may regret later. Zack is right to leave when he feels uncomfortable but at the same time needs to put a cap on his optimism and stop putting himself in situations he really doesnt want to be in. Michaela just needs to resolve her anger and move past her defensive stance. This relationship is a strong case of battling to be right instead of paying attention to each other's needs. They both pretend things are ok even when they arent. Right now I dont believe either are ready for a relationship.

🧜🏽‍♀️ For inquiries regarding synastry charts please visit my profile introductory post, email misslolasynastry@gmail, or shoot me a message. If youd like me to analyze a celebrity couple im willing to do so as long as you have both birthdays on hand. I can also analyze family members as well.

[everyonewasabird]

Brickclub 3.4.1 ‘Group that almost’ part 11: Grantaire

All the other Amis are Legitimate Sons of the Republic, and so the first note we meet Grantaire on, following that, is a vague idea of illegitimacy. It’s hard to say why that feels so very right to me. This is pure headcanon, but I could easily see him as the actual illegitimate son of somebody--well cared for but aware of himself as a bit of a sore spot from birth, a reminder of the existence of corruption in a way he internalizes. It’s certainly the way he positions himself in the Amis family: he’s there, but off to the side. He’s there, but no one, least of all him, is quite sure why.

It’s been so long since I’ve come to Grantaire’s description in order, with fresh eyes. It’s a novel experience, and I’m going to give my impressions as they happen.

And... he's actually quite charming?

He’s charismatic, the one who always knows where the party should go next, naturally good at physical pursuits, and so on. He seems confident and conceited--which is not what I was expecting--and that can be charming or insufferable, depending on how it’s carried. Right now it’s striking me as on the charming side. He’s not in your face about it, but by pretending he’s in general demand among women, he’s carrying whatever he’s carrying about other people’s feelings about his appearance in a way that smooths the experience for everyone.

(It’s a dynamic that’s striking me as extremely middle school for some reason? God, I’m thinking of some terrible movie from the 80s aren’t I. I think I’m happier not knowing what this memory is.)

And then we get to the way skepticism has hollowed him out.

Hugo describes irony as a kind of disease, and Grantaire is the exemplar of that malady, demonstrating to the reader what it does to somebody. And, you know, I grew up in the 80s and 90s, I’m just going to straight up agree with that.

Then we get to his need for Enjolras to imbue him with structure and meaning. It’s a beautiful description, and it makes sense: Grantaire feels his own incompleteness. He feels the need to be something different, but he can’t find the change in himself, on his own.

But he keeps coming. He doesn’t know what it is he’s coming for, but he needs it enough that he can’t walk away from it. It’s a form of desperate hope, and it seems like the thing he hopes for is.. hope.

I appreciate how, again, there are no backstory reasons for this. There’s no past that explains him--other than the history of France--and there shouldn’t be, notwithstanding the rampant headcanoning I started this post with. Marius comes to the Musain because he’s working out some complex family shit; Grantaire doesn’t. He rejects the realm of ideals, but he also exists solely in the realm of ideals, in the sense that ideals are the reason he’s here. Yeah, Enjolras is the reason he’s here. But what is Enjolras but ideals?

Like Valjean kneeling before the bishop and the nuns, Grantaire doesn’t know how to touch the infinite except through an intermediary. But he’s trying desperately to touch the infinite.

I really like that after we get the description of everything about Grantaire attaching itself to Enjolras, the text explains that that phenomenon has nothing to do with Enjolras. It’s inherently something about Grantaire:

He was himself, moreover, composed of two apparently incompatible elements. He was ironical and cordial. His indifference was loving. His mind dispensed with belief, yet his heart could not dispense with friendship. A thorough contradiction; for an affection is a conviction. His nature was so.

Like we’ll see later with Eponine’s feelings for Marius, Grantaire’s feelings for Enjolras aren’t about him but what he represents in Grantaire’s internal journey. Though, of course, there’s much less of a power imbalance here--Enjolras and Grantaire share materially similar circumstance, and it’s only spiritually that Grantaire is lost at sea.

God, this has gotten so long and I haven’t even gotten to any of the queer references.

My sense from others is that 1) Hugo in life was absolutely surrounded by queer friends and 2) it’s not clear he ever realized that.

So, briefly: reference to Orestes and Pylades was absolutely used to refer to queer men in canon era, and used by people on complete opposite sides of the spectrum; I’ve heard Borel roll his eyes at having to use it in order to talk about queer men (a group he belonged to), and I’ve heard Vidocq use it with sneeringly vicious homophobia.

Did Hugo understand that usage? I really have no idea.

But I’m fascinated by the way Enjolras and Grantaire’s whole relationship is simultaneously completely one-sided--but also, it bleeds into the omniscient narration of the text.

Like, this O&P nonsense is all 100% entirely Grantaire’s thing. Clearly! But, then, why does the narrator invoke Antinous in Enjolras’s initial description? Why, in the literal last chapter of his life, is Enjolras given Orestes’ name, if “Orestes and Pylades” is just a thing happening in Grantaire’s head?

And yet, it IS just a thing in Grantaire’s head! It seems all very simple from Enjolras’s side: he’s willing to let Grantaire keep showing up, and he still hopes Grantaire will actually make himself useful, but this whole thing is pretty annoying. Which: very fair! Honestly, just letting Grantaire keep coming to meetings to stare at him must take quite a lot of patience.

But also: the text is holding Enjolras to a higher standard, and at some level it knows that’s not good enough, from either of them. As I’ve talked about before, saving people is a tricky business in this book, prone to a strange parasocial one-sidedness that amounts to ingratitude on the side of the person doing the saving. OFPD, if nothing else, rectifies that.

Anyway, I’m really excited. I’ve had so much trouble reading Grantaire before, and I’m so glad to be meeting him (sort of) afresh this time around.

[firsttarotreader]

How would Pedro get along with a Pisces? I know Aries and Pisces are mostly incompatible, but he obviously has that soft, emotional and dreamer side to him too.

Hello! In the last part of our Pisces saga, I pulled cards to see what Tarot says about him and a Pisces and to see if they match the Astrology part.

Well, the first cards were 5 of Hedgehogs, Knight of Hedgehogs and the Wheel of Fortune. 5 of Hedgehogs brings in a lot of instability, conflict and a challenging relationship. However, the Knight of Hedgehogs points to the need of constant work. If they keep a routine and focus, they can make it work out, and I mean in every relationship, including friends and parents with children. The Wheel of Fortune is about how things are gonna have ups and downs and never be stagnated. This is also interesting because, like my Astrology anon said, Aries and Pisces are the beginning and the end, like a cycle, the cycle of life.

The next cards were The Hermit, Page of Teacups and Page of Spears. Now let's take a look at the 3 of them. The Hermit is a card of isolation, retreat, of looking inside of yourself and focusing on self-development. Then 2 Pages, one is the emotional, loving and loyal Page of Teacups, who is also innocent and naive. The other is the Page of Spears, one who is always eager to do his best, but ends up making mistakes because he's too eager. There is defintely a balancing factor here, as the Hermit definitely "calms down" the Pages eagerness. And The Page is a young person, but the Hermit is often represented as an older, wiser person. We have one energy that opposes to the other. The Hermit is an opposing energy to the Page, there are many feelings and ideas and eagerness but also the energy of retreating and calming down.

The next cards were the Hierophant reversed, the 9 of Flowers and the 8 of Flowers. The Hierophant reversed reminds me a lot of Pedro and Aries as a whole. This card is about not accepting authorities so well, of clashing with them, and if Pisces tries to be an authority to Aries, they're gonna have trouble. 9 of Flowers is the hesitation and the not believing so much that something will work out, but the 8 of Flowers points to things moving way too quickly and too intensely. So again, we have opposites in a way. Hesitation and hurry, thinking too much or just acting out like a storm.

It was using the Oracle of Delphi that things seemed clearer to this matter. I asked one card for their relationship and the card was The Mother. It could be what my Astrology Anon friend pointed out about how Pisces can be like a Mother to Aries, someone who will care for them and take care of them and who will nurture them.

The next cards were Celestial Music, Malice and The Guide. Celestial Music is about harmony in many ways, about balance and acknowledging of the other's merits, genuine altruism, spiritual connection. A very positive card. Malice is about, well, malice, people who can be malicious, with bad intentions, but The Guide is there, a helping hand, a true guide, someone who will give support, who will be a master (not in an authoritative way), a protector. It makes me think Pisces as a guide to Aries but Aries will also be a protector against the malicious to Pisces.

From these cards, what I can see that matches what Astrology anon said is the balancing of Aries's fire by Pisces, and Aries lighting up Pisces in a way, and also the Mother or Guide place one can be for the other. Also remember this is valid for friendships and family relations too, not necessarily romantic relationships.

Since I don't know much about the connections between Astrology and Tarot because I don't know much about Astrology yet, you're always welcome to let me know if you saw more Astrological connections in the cards!

[revolutionsoftheheart]

I’ve spent the last few days thinking about what makes Jack Harkness fall in love with people who are unattainable for him.

By fall in love I don’t mean having a deep, satisfying, mutual, equal, emotional connection with someone. I mean the moment you fall, or rather the falling itself. Seeking that connection and yearning for it so badly it hurts, but not necessarily having found it yet. I think it’s something Jack is constantly searching for, and it’s exacerbated when he becomes a fixed point in time and starts outliving everybody he cares for.

And by unattainable, I mean someone who wouldn’t be a good match or someone who wants different things. The attraction and compatible personalities can be there, but the relationship would not be satisfactory to either character.

Exhibit A: The Doctor. 

Despite how horribly the Doctor treats Jack at times, Jack believes the Doctor to be good, that he is the best person in the universe, that he will save them (him) and that he is infallible. He speaks of the Doctor with such reverence, and his love, like Martha’s, is so one-sided it hurts.

But Jack, I think, doesn’t just love the Doctor. He aspires to be like the Doctor—or I should say, to be the person he believes the Doctor to be: someone who is so a-okay with time travel and his own augmented lifespan that he doesn’t care about leaving people behind. But Jack can’t ever be like that because Jack cares deeply about the wellbeing of people. Just think about how he removes himself from Estelle’s life before it gets too complicated. (Estelle could actually be another example of his loving people he will never be with.)

The Doctor is the only immortal role model Jack has at this point in his life, and that’s someone who doesn’t do emotional connection very well. Someones who runs away when he can’t fix something, or someone. And Jack’s love for the Doctor is rooted in this hero-worship of the man as well as his own aspirations for himself that will never be met because that’s just a persona for the Doctor, the same way it’s one for Jack. Not showing who they are or how they really feel is about survival, for both of them.

Exhibit B: Gwen Cooper. 

This is the one that is most fascinating to me as I rewatch Torchwood all these years later, with more life experience and a different perspective. Jack’s love for Gwen, similar to his love for the Doctor, is not strictly about physical attraction or compatibility. It’s in part about what Gwen represents: a normal lifespan, a family that grows old with you, a life outside of aliens and rift activity. Things that Jack wants, but that feel impossible to him because while he could settle down for a couple years with someone, his own existence—that of someone who doesn’t grow old and can never die, that of an ex-time traveller who fights aliens—will always catch up to him.

Jack and Gwen are incompatible in that they want different things at this point in their lives: Gwen puts her family first; Jack puts the safety of Torchwood and planet Earth first. They love each other, but just don’t work together the way Gwen and Rhys do.

I then got curious as to why Jack was acting this way—going around, falling in love with people who are unattainable. The shows don’t delve that deep into character psyche, but I don’t think his attraction to the Doctor or Gwen is as simple as ‘oh, he’s in love them, but they don’t love him back the same way’ because that’s very surface level and would be pushing aside the traumatic experience that is simply living for Jack.

Jack loves these people because it keeps him going, keeps him running, and keeps the focus on someone other than himself. Because if Jack stops and thinks about himself, it hurts. And by investing in relationships that allow him that escape, he’s protecting himself from his own problems and shortcomings.

Now, looking at his relationship with Ianto, Jack seems to have the opposite problem. He’s so non comital in his love/attraction to him because Ianto IS attainable.

As far as we know Ianto doesn’t want the life Gwen wants (marriage and kids and a so called normal life). He was committed to Torchwood and chose Torchwood (One) and aliens and everything that came with it before he chose Jack. And Ianto, after the whole Cyberwoman thing, has no façade left. He is who he is and he loves Jack for who he is, and really just wants to get to know him, unlike the Doctor who finds Jack to be interesting, but shows no intention of getting to know him further once he becomes a problem he can’t fix. In a completely opposite way to his attraction to the Doctor and Gwen, Jack’s attraction/possible relationship with Ianto scares the shit out of him because it’s a very real, tangible possibility. In that sense, these two are compatible.

But for Jack, it’s easier to love someone like the Doctor or Gwen, who represent aspects of his life he thinks he can’t live up to or doesn’t deserve, than to love someone like Ianto, who fully accepts him and would make it easy. Jack goes for the hardship, for the relationship that from the start is sure not to work, because if it fails, it’s not on him.

[dreamingofscully]

6x06. “How the Ghosts Stole Christmas” - X-Files Rewatch

I wrote a lot about this episode, I hope you enjoy! Really thought this one gave us a ton of insight into M&S.

Mulder’s excuse to invite Scully out with him - a haunted house. He just wants to spend time with her. He’s feeling lonely. For some reason he’s not spending Christmas with anyone - not his mom, not the Gunmen. Even if he was, she’s the person he most wants to spend it with.

Mulder does his very best to entertain Scully with a ghost story. He’s being very seductive, but I don’t think he’s too serious about it - just wants her to spend time with him desperately. 

When Mulder describes Maurice (“brooding but heroic”) and Lyda (“a sublime beauty with a light that seemed to follow her wherever she went”) - I mean, c’mon, he’s describing THEM. 

“Driven by a tragic fear of separation they forged a lovers' pact so that they might spend eternity together and not spend one precious Christmas apart.”

HELLO?!

Even though Scully has somewhere to be, Mulder’s pull on her is irresistible. She has a family, a gift-opening, many traditions that she loves to take part in, SOMEWHERE ELSE TO BE, but she comes to see Mulder anyway. She protests, tries to leave, but only because she thinks Mulder also has plans, has people to spend the holidays with. Scully loves a good story, and this one hits close to home - scary, romantic and tragic.

Scully’s long monologue about why fearing ghosts is irrational, what it represents. She’s thought about it a LOT. She enjoys the thrill she gets from fear but also enjoys being able to explain it, put it in a box, conquer it.

It appears on the outside that Mulder is being selfish on inviting her here, occupying her time on a date where she has places to be, that he’s being insensitive. But the opposite is actually true. How difficult is Christmas going to be for Scully this year? To be around her family and remember her loss. To spend time with her nephew and having to hide her sorrow at the child she barely knew that was taken from her. To be expected to be full of Christmas cheer when all she wants to do is hide from the world, to yell and cry with anger and sadness. Mulder knows this, but doesn’t acknowledge it. He distracts her with ghosts, and it is the most wonderful thing he could do.

I love the contrast between Mulder and Scully meeting the ghosts, on experiencing the scary haunted house. Mulder is fascinated, while Scully is terrified. An incredible parallel to their experiences with the paranormal - Mulder just wants to know more but Scully rationalizes it to try to dispel her fears.

“Alright, I’m afraid. But it’s an irrational fear.” - Scully (Her first of three admissions this episode.)

This is a wonderful season to explore Scully’s fears. She is terrified of the unknown, of what she can’t explain rationally, which drives her stubbornness all throughout the next few seasons. It’s frustrating for Mulder, he doesn’t understand why she’s so resistant to believe even if she’s seen things she can’t deny, but it all stems from this fear. She doesn’t fully overcome it until much, much later (“all things”, I believe).

Mulder’s “I got your back” when Scully’s about to check out something strange/scary. Hilarious, and a simple attempt at humour. An attempt to show that Scully is the braver one. He might be less scared, but he pushes her, wants her to explore, and while Scully is afraid SHE is the one to open the door because HE pushes her to do so, because she needs to explain things to conquer her fear. She likes that about him, about their relationship. He gives her strength and courage to overcome her fears.

Scully gets into the next room, is comforted by evidence of the mundane. The wound clock, the fire that just went out. This place isn’t haunted, it’s just occupied.

Mulder is such a goofball. Enjoying pranking/scaring Scully, teasing her. He touches her shoulder. He calls her on her fears - that “Rationally, you've been in much more dangerous situations”. In a horror movie, Mulder would be the one doing all the things that YOU SHOULD NOT DO. Scully realizes this, haha.

Scully’s hand on his arm when they realize that the corpses are themselves. It’s meant to scare them, to make them believe something will happen to them. So the things that come later will be more believable and they’ll be more susceptible to Maurice and Lyda’s manipulations.

The psychoanalysis of Mulder and Scully.

A lot of these insights are accurate, but some of them reflect only what they FEAR is the truth.

Maurice → Mulder

I’m just going to comment here that Mulder is wearing my favourite outfit. Leather jacket, t-shirt and jeans. Hnnnnnnnnng.

“Are you overcome by the impulse to make everyone believe you?”

The one person he wants to believe him the most is extremely resistant to it. She says she believes him, but she can’t quite admit it to herself. This hurts him. 

“Narcissistic, overzealous, self-righteous egomaniac.”

Overzealous, yes, and perhaps self-righteous but I don’t agree with the others. Mulder would be WORRIED about the other things though. That he is too self-centered, that his personal quest has taken so much from Scully. He views himself as selfish, and undeserving of love and companionship because of it.

“You kindly think of yourself as single-minded but you're prone to obsessive compulsiveness workaholism, antisocialism... Fertile fields for the descent into total wacko breakdown.”

Single-minded: YES

Obsessive: YES; compulsive to the extent that he is impulsive and spontaneous when it comes to his quest, but not OCD

Workaholism: YES - Mulder doesn’t ever NOT work, as long as it’s associated with his obsession. He’s always at the bureau, or working at home, or dragging Scully to investigate mysterious things on the weekend.

Antisocialism: YES - He doesn’t care what other people think, doesn’t have much of a social life outside of his carefully chosen friends

Total wacko breakdown: he jokes about his mental stability, that he belongs in a mental institution, that they’d lock him up if he went there, that Scully could see him tied down on a bed. But in reality he is very stable emotionally - with all of the trauma he encounters he is very resilient, bounces back, pursues his quest

“You probably consider yourself passionate, serious, misunderstood. Am I right?”

YES. He doesn’t mind that people don’t get him, because he knows he’s on the right path. His joking and humour only covers up his vulnerability, otherwise he is very serious about most things.

“Most people would rather stick their fingers in a wall socket than spend a minute with you.”

OOF. This hurts him, hits home, gets right down to the core of his greatest fear, of being alone.

He brings up Scully, that he’s not actually alone. He didn’t take her car keys, but the ONLY REASON SHE’S IN THE HOUSE IS BECAUSE THEY WERE TAKEN. 

And where is she? “BEHIND A BRICK WALL.” One of their own construction - mainly Mulder’s.

“You know why you do it-- listen endlessly to her droning rationalizations. 'Cause you're afraid. Afraid of the loneliness. Am I right?”

This is why Mulder, after his frustration in “The Beginning”, is more accepting of her disbelief. He makes very good points about why she can’t believe in that episode, but he doesn’t really push her on it afterwards - because the alternative is loneliness. (He DOES know that the debate is necessary for their process, but also that her denials are unreasonable at this point, after what they saw.)

If he pushes her too much, will she leave?

Lyda → Scully

Her hand shaking when holding her gun is just perfection. I love how she calms, her hand steadies, but then starts trembling again when Lyda starts making strange insights, knows things she shouldn’t.

“You must have an awful small life. Spending your Christmas Eve with him... Running around chasing things you don't even believe in.”

Again, Scully wants more out of life. She wants to “get out of the car”, wants to experience family, intimacy, have a partner to share her life with. That Mulder seems incompatible with those things, that he could never settle down and stop chasing things in the dark.

“I can see it in your face... The fear... The conflicted yearnings... A subconscious desire to find fulfillment through another. Intimacy through co-dependency.”

Feeling that she can’t obtain intimacy with Mulder, she finds satisfaction just being with him, working with him, being NEEDED.

“Maybe you repress the truth about why you're really here pretending it's out of duty or loyalty-- unable to admit your dirty little secret. Your only joy in life is proving him wrong.”

This isn’t true, she loves working with Mulder, and believes her rationalizations only serve to build him up (they do). Recent tension between them would make her fear that Mulder thinks this way - that she has no purpose in their quest. Her unwillingness to believe, that it’s only about wanting to be right, will only serve to drive him away.

I love that Scully faints from fear at seeing the holes in Lyda’s stomach and Maurice’s head. When confronted with something SO UNBELIEVABLE, something that cannot be denied or rationalized or put in a box she just shuts down.

Lyda → Mulder

“I was young and beautiful once, just like your partner.” Any acknowledgement of Scully’s beauty just makes me 😍

“Maybe you two should have discussed your real feelings before you came out here.”

Heck, yeah! But Mulder can’t let himself. Even if he knew Scully felt the same about him, he doesn’t deserve to be loved by her.

Comparing Mulder’s reaction to seeing the hole in Lyda’s stomach to Scully’s. He’s disgusted because he accepts it as reality as a matter of course, while Scully is (literally) scared out of her mind.

When Lyda suggests Scully would shoot herself, Mulder’s “I wouldn’t let her”. 😍

“We're not lovers.” - Mulder, said with a sigh “And this isn't a pure science. But you're both so attractive and there'll be a lot of time to work that out.” - Lyda

Ummmmmmmmmm… can we have ghost-Mulder and Scully AU fanfic please?

Maurice → Scully

Mulder as “dark and lonely” - suggesting that he took the car keys to keep her with him. The little nuggets of truth that Maurice and Lyda offer to Mulder and Scully make it easier to accept the other things - the fears that they have about each other.

He’s got no one this Christmas, and she had no idea. 😥

Maurice and Lyda trick Mulder and Scully

When she sees “Mulder”, she’s so relieved and happy.

When “Mulder” rants about loneliness. Scully doesn’t believe in it. She thinks they can change, that they can choose to not be lonely. (This comes up again in “Milagro”. A VERY SIGNIFICANT EPISODE. Hnnng.) 

“You’re scaring me.” - Scully (2)

Scully’s face when he’s about to shoot himself. 😥

Mulder finding “Scully” 😥

Crawling along the floor in their blood.

“Are you afraid, Mulder? I am.” - Scully (3)

They can’t shoot each other, even when thinking that the other did it to them.

Of course Mulder figures it out first. He’s more open to believing that this is an illusion, a trick. Something unreal and paranormal rather than the reality of them having shot each other. He reaches for her and helps her up, showing her the evidence in front of her face that this isn’t real. Touches her uninjured stomach, covered in blood.

Lily Tomlin as Lyda and Ed Asner as Maurice were amazing. I loved their playfulness. That this was a horror-comedy instead of just a tragic, scary story.

Back at Mulder’s apartment

“I don’t deserve to be so happy.” - on the television in Mulder’s apartment at the end. How sad. But it describes him so perfectly this season. He doesn’t believe he deserves happiness. That he got to spend some time with Scully was wonderful, but now he’s back in his lonely apartment wishing she was still there, but not thinking it should ever happen. He knows what makes him happy, sharing and spending time with Scully, but she has her own “normal” life that he can never be a part of, that he doesn’t DESERVE to be a part of no matter how desperately he craves it.

When she shows up, he’s delighted. That she wants to be there with him, enjoys spending time doing WHATEVER, even if she’s scared, or refuses to believe. She enjoys their connection just as much as him. She views him as an important person in her life, just as much as her family. He agrees with Scully that it didn’t happen, doesn’t push her on her stubbornness to not believe, because he’s just happy she’s here. He chooses the opposite of loneliness.

Their acknowledgement of the fears that they have. Mulder’s on being selfish, and Scully’s on her reasons for working with him. I love that they mention these things rather than the ones that are actually true.

They do some heavy gazing at each other when talking about their vulnerabilities. 😍

I love how bashful they are when giving each other presents. It’s so cute!

Scully loves presents. I just love that tidbit about her. I don’t think she’s materialistic, the present could be anything. She just loves that someone cares enough about her to get her something meaningful, she loves the anticipation of unwrapping and seeing what it is.

After they opened their gifts, I think Scully invited Mulder to her mom’s house. Knowing he has nowhere to be, no one to spend it with. I just can’t see her choosing to leave him alone, and she WANTS to be with him. WANTS to live a life where they are together for holidays and significant events, not just because of work.

[shrimpmandan]

I feel like the only reason the dysphoria debate exists is because a lot of people misunderstand/misinterpret what dysphoria is and what it isn't. This doesn't just go for tucutes, I've seen it from radmeds as well. So, because I have nothing better to do with my time, I'm going to break down GD into the most *layman* terms I possibly can, mixed with my own experiences as a trans guy. This is going off of the DSM-V's definition and criteria for gender dysphoria in adolescents and adults.

The Definition: A marked incongruence between one's experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of at least 6 month's duration, as manifested by at least two of the following ...

What It Means: Gender dysphoria is defined as a disconnect, dissonance, or distance between one's gender and their physical sex. Primary sex characteristics refer to the genitalia, which is colliquy known as bottom dysphoria. Secondary sex characteristics include but aren't limited to voice, facial hair, chest, fat distribution, hips, and bone structure.

The Symptom: A marked incongruence between one's experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics)

What It Means: We've established that "incongruence" can be defined as a disconnect, dissonance, or distance. The dictionary definition describes "incongruent" to mean "incompatible". Your physical sex is incompatible with your gender. Your physical sex doesn't represent your real self, and it creates a feeling of discomfort. Some trans kids who are pre-pubescent may dread puberty because of this fact. Some trans folks may not realize anything is wrong until they're a good way through puberty already. Personally, I didn't fully grasp the differences between the sexes until I was a bit older. I knew boys had penises, and that I wanted one, but that was it.

The Symptom: A strong desire to be rid of one's primary and/or secondary sex characteristics because of a marked incongruence with one's experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, the desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics)

What It Means: Have you ever had a fantasy about sawing your breasts or penis off? Throwing your uterus in the garbage? When your gender and sex are at odds, you want to get rid of the parts of your physical sex that are deemed "incompatible" with your gender, or prevent them from becoming a problem at all through the use of hormone blockers. Some trans people feel this less strongly than others, and may focus more on the desire for the sex characteristics of the opposite sex -- which is also a dysphoria symptom.

The Symptom: A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender

What It Means: Have you ever let your thoughts wander about what it'd be like if you were born in a body that accurately reflects your gender? What does that look like to you, and how does it make you feel? For some trans people, they are saddened by this because of what could've, should've been so from birth. Others are overwhelmed with joy at the thought and are excited for when they can pursue transition. Some trans people experience a mix of both! Gender euphoria and dysphoria are intrinsically tied. If you feel all giddy at the thought of being the opposite or some in-between sex, that's a sign you have dysphoria.

The Symptom: A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender)

What It Means: This is probably the most straightforward symptom. Have you had long fantasies about being of the opposite or an in-between sex? How did that make you feel? Did you feel happy? A sense of longing? Bittersweet? If you have a strong desire to live as closely to a different sex socially and physically as you possibly can given your circumstances, it's very unlikely that you're cis.

The Symptom: A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender)

What It Means: Commonly referred to as social dysphoria, this symptom refers to wanting to be perceived as a different sex by the rest of society. This manifests most commonly with pronouns. Males are referred to with He/Him, females She/Her, and They/Them is a neutral pronoun. For many, this also implies trying their best to pass. This doesn't mean trans people can't be GNC, but those with higher dysphoria may be more inclined to prioritize passing over free gender expression as to not risk being misgendered. You may also feel like you don't "fit in" with people of your assigned birth gender, and will gravitate more towards people of the same true gender as you.

The Symptom: A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender)

What It Means: This one is a bit hard to explain. Feelings and reactions aren't necessarily always different between the sexes. Any such differences are usually a result of socialization, e.g. a man being told that crying makes him weak, or a woman being told that she's too weak to do "men's work".

"A Strong Desire"

A criticism I've heard towards transmedicalism is not everyone experiences, or can identify, strong emotions. This is very much true, especially if you have autism or depression, which is common in transgender folks. Some autistic/ADHD people have alexithymia, which means they have the inability to identify and/or describe their own emotions and the emotions of others. Depression can only amplify this, making you feel numb and empty. And as someone who has both autism and depression, I can safely say that my dysphoria overpowers my low-key emotions, personally. Even though I have 5/6 symptoms, which is considered severe, I thought for the longest time that I had mild dysphoria because I wasn't really "feeling" much of anything. I don't at all blame someone for downplaying their own dysphoria because it's "not as bad" as what they read about. It's okay if you don't feel your dysphoria symptoms strongly! That doesn't necessarily mean you're not trans or are faking it.

"If you don't have both primary and secondary sex dysphoria, you just have body dysmorphia!"

This is something I heard from a radmed that I find downright hilarious. Body dysmorphia is not what radmeds think it is, AT ALL. Body dysmorphic disorder is described this way by Mayo Clinic:

Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health disorder in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived flaws in your appearance -- a flaw that appears minor or can't be seen by others. But you may feel so embarrassed, ashamed, and anxious that you may avoid social situations.

Yeah. I was told I just have body dysmorphia because I said I didn't have high bottom dysphoria. Trust me, I know why y'all dislike transmeds as a whole if you've only ever interacted with those types. They fucking suck and tend to downplay anyone who just has less dysphoria than themselves. Body dysmorphic disorder and gender dysphoria are completely different, complicated conditions that cannot and should not be placed on a spectrum with eachother. "Ph, you hate your body but don't have dysphoria? You have dysmorphia!" Don't diagnose people like that. You aren't a medical professional and you look stupid.

If anyone has any questions about this, any at all, feel free to ask in the notes or in my asks. I try to be as civil as possible as being snarky is not the best way to actually educate people.

[wilder-fangirl]

People love to point out how the Cookie Giants are Max’s dream of his parents - happy and together. While this may be true, a much more realistic and fleshed-out version of what Max dreams his parents would be like is manifested in Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Let’s start from the most obvious parallel. In the beginning of the movie, Max’s mom says, “Your father and I, we’re just, not compatible.” Later on, LG says “Why’d you have to make us a team? When I’m near water I fizzle out. When he’s near heat he shrivels. We’re not compatible!”

Both Max’s mom and LG point out that they are not compatible with who is supposed to be their best friend. However, the main difference is, throughout the film, SB and LG constantly show how, despite being near complete opposites, they are the most powerful, complementary, dynamic duo imaginable. “You’re Sharkboy and Lavagirl; you can do anything.”

While, early in the movie, it is clear Max’s parents are seriously considering divorce because of their differences and incompatibility, SB and LG stay by each other’s side all the while recognizing and embracing their differences, and at times using that polarity to their advantage. This is shown in small, caring gestures like SB using his water bending to put out LG’s flame hair, or in more impactful moments like when they work together to take down common enemies or both use their unique skills to stop the never-rest coaster.

Max shaped his most precious dreams not into “better” parental figures, not into a flawless team who obviously went together having fewer, less significant differences, but as seemingly incompatible people who overcome their extremely different natures because they care about each other and their common goals.

This leads us into a discussion of SB and LG's self sacrifice. My absolute favorite part of the movie is when Lavagirl rescues Sharkboy from drowning, then he in turn goes right up to the mouth of a volcano to revive her. They must plunge or at least nearly, into the things that could incapacitate them, in order for the other to live. And they do it without question, because “He’s my best friend.” They don’t only do it for their own sakes however, but also in order to save Planet Drool. This is a physical representation of how Max’s parents need to confront their differences head on and go through the pain of trying to fix things for the sake of their relationship and for the sake of their child.

Once both SB and LG (representing his parents) have been nearly taken down by their differences and then saved by each other (reconciliation), only then does LG discover that she is light, and that she is able to rid the planet (max’s mind) of the darkness (the pain of his parent’s impending divorce and constant fighting.)

Now onto SB and LG as their own entities, aside from the ways they represent a healthy version of Max’s parent’s dynamic. Obviously the self sacrifice is meaningful to their relationship on its own - demonstrating that they will risk death for the other and demonstrating how deep their connection goes. Other places that their potential future romance is hinted at are:

When LG gets jealous when SB talks about how beautiful the Ice Princess is.

The cheek kiss.

The way you can sometimes see how SB is in awe of LG when she uses her powers.

The nicknames such as “Sharky” and “LG.”

How SB believes in her during the bridge scene and prevents Max from interfering “She can make it.”

How LG encourages SB to use his seemingly destructive powers in a useful, good way “Nice channeling your anger, Sharky.” [Can also be read as if Max’s mom encouraged Max’s dad to use his writing skills in a way that would benefit the family instead of trying to get him to change and go onto a different career path.]

The lullaby scene.

Their general banter.

Now, just to be clear, in no way am I saying that at the time of the adventures of sharkboy and lavagirl were either SB and LG in any kind of relationship that was anything other than platonic. What I am saying however, is that they were great friends who knew how to work through and respect their differences and cared deeply for each other. They very obviously had the foundation for a lifelong friendship/partnership. There was a reason so many of us shipped them as kids, even though we probably didn’t know what shipping was. So, what I’m saying here is, it’s entirely possible if not likely that this friendship naturally grew into romance as they got older. That’s why their relationship in We Can Be Heroes shouldn’t come as a shock to you.

[baddyzarc]

7/7 Ruins: World of Chaos

1 2 3 4a 4b 5 6 x  

end

Let’s start with a simple question? What is “Chaos”?

From the show, Don Thousand says that it is disorder and the source of life, Ena says it’s the power to protect others and ones desires created by oneself, Black Mist says it contributes to hatred and malice, Eliphas says it's poison, and Shark says this:

So Trash aliens.

However, this poses a problem.

Chaos is highly prominent to the story of Zexal, but it is difficult to define. The first signs of Chaos (excluding Haruto using it to toss trash in Episode 13) was when Astral’s airship unlocked “Chaos Number 39: King of Wishes, Hope Ray” as early as Episode 18. It constantly shows up with multiple definitions with some describing it as evil while others describing it as good. Both the protagonists and antagonists utilize it, and the meaning gets scrambled as the show progresses. So is this red, gooey stuff evil or good? 

In my opinion, Chaos is a nuanced type of “disorder”. With the word “disorder”, it isn’t clear what the show means by this since disorder (entropy?) is a super broad definition. Comparing it to the Astral’s “order” or Cosmos makes it slightly easier to grasp, but as a set definition that covers everything, I don’t have a good answer. The most accurate is Ena’s definition, where she says Chaos represents the desires set up by oneself. My problem with this is that all characters in this show have desires. Even Eliphas, who desires for Astral World to Rank-Up by ridding itself of Chaos. It’s a good definition and fits into the themes of Chaos, but there’s those glaring issues. However, I’m not here to define Chaos. Think of it as trying to define “species” or a word where a set definition isn’t concrete, but we sorta know what it looks like. With Chaos, I’m not going to be defining it as much as I am categorizing the types of Chaos in the Zexal. 

Going back to this list of Chaos characters. 

It is incredibly tough to define them on the basis of a single type of Chaos other than maybe “disorderly creatures” or people with desires.

But if you look at it as a spectrum that a character can shift back and forth along, then it starts to make sense. The characters in the show actually point that there are different forms of Chaos, with the clearest distinction being Nasch’s unique Chaos and Ena implying that Chaos has other, important forms.

Since Chaos manifests in different ways, it’s likely that all of the definitions stated above are correct. They get very close to stating what these different forms are, however, but it’s not explicit like “there is good Chaos and bad Chaos in the universe”. 

My proposal is that there are two definable categories of Chaos within the show: “Destructive Chaos” and “Constructive Chaos”. I think if you see it like this, it’s easier to see where Zexal was going with this concept. 

Okay, so what does this mean?

To begin, destructive Chaos can be described most simply as cannibalistic. It devours other Chaos creatures with the sole purpose of bettering its users. It is malice, hatred, selfishness, basically the qualities of the “bad Chaos” that the show speaks of. This could be seen in Vector and Don Thousand, who were literally eating other Barians to make themselves stronger. 

By nature, destructive Chaos benefits one person. It has to destroy everything else. With Vector, Number 96, and Don Thousand specifically, if they’re malicious plans succeeded, all three worlds would’ve been destroyed and they themselves would be standing alone as powerful gods. 

All the Emperors and any persons who inherited Don Thousand’s destructive Chaos were devoured in the end (this also ties in with how Nasch’s unique Chaos resulted in his survival). Also Mr. Heartland burned to death. Destructive Chaos destroys for the benefit of few. 

On the other hand, constructive Chaos can be described as altruistic. Unlike destructive Chaos, which draws its powers by consuming those around it, constructive Chaos gains its powers through combining their strengths. 

It is the power that allows you to protect your friends, or “strength in numbers”. This is the Chaos that Yuma and Nasch heavily relies on. By its nature, constructive Chaos shares for the benefit of many.

Something belongs in the middle too: maybe common Barians or some of the Emperors perhaps? Altruistic but also a little selfish? Giving to some but not to others. The ends could be on the more extreme sides that few probably get to.

As a general example, let’s look at Tron, a character who gravitates along the spectrum. There’s a clear distinction in the transformation of Tron and the Arclights from destructive Chaos to a more constructive Chaos. Not gonna get into it that deeply, but the first half of Zexal, Tron quite literally uses and destroys his sons to progress his own motivations. In the second half of Zexal, Tron shares his crest with his sons via the bracelets, and through this, they are able to create “Rank-Up Magic: Argent Chaos Force”, the symbol used to represent the bonds of humanity and a powerful one at that. 

Another really clear example is the Vector vs. Durbe/Merag. Merag, Durbe, and Vector uses Nasch’s strength throughout this battle. With Durbe and Merag, they send out their strongest monster using Nasch’s “Rank-Up Magic - The Seventh One”, something he shared with them in the prior episode. Vector, on the other hand, uses Nasch as a blood-bag; he sucks the life out of him to increase his own. Lending versus draining. Constructive versus destructive.

These two descriptions pose some interesting relationships. There are probably more than this but i’ll focus on a few.

First is Number 96 and Yuma, and how they relate to Astral.

Yuma and Number 96 are fragments of Don Thousand’s original self, who is a composite of all forms of Chaos. Although, the final Don Thousand clearly utilizes destructive Chaos. When Astral shattered him, I believe that his general from of Chaos split into Yuma, someone who uses constructive Chaos, and into Number 96, someone who uses destructive Chaos. Each individual views their Chaos appropriately. 

Number 96 has a very bleak view of Chaos, often describing it as something born from resentment, hatred, and the such. He also does not believe in the power of bonds, declaring it something used by weaklings. 

Aside from that, Number 96 has a god-complex, something he shares with the likes of Vector and Don Thousand, and is a person who is willing to destroy all of the worlds in order to create his own, ideal world. 

On the other hand, Yuma is the exact opposite. He sees Chaos as a force of goodness that allows different people to come together.

These two characters are supposed to be opposites of each other in regards to Chaos, and this is clearly shown in their relationship with Astral.

Back to Vector’s Royal Palace, this duel states a problem with the theory that there is only single type of Chaos. Number 96 said that Astral must use Chaos if he wanted to gather all the Numbers. 

The major issue with this is that Number 96 utilizes destructive Chaos. If Astral were to rely on his powers, it will destroy Astral in the process. And this occurs. When Number 96 enters Astral, the incompatibility and destructive nature of his Chaos causes both of them to explode. This is likely to be the Chaos that Eliphas fears would destroy Astral and Astral World.

And even Number 96 isn’t immune to this destructive power. When he accepted Vector/Don Thousand’s Chaos into his own, it nearly destroyed him. This just shows how deadly this type of Chaos is to others.

But if Astral has to use Chaos, he will likely rely on the constructive Chaos that derives from Yuma. And I think you guys know where this is going,

It’s those Zexal Morphs. 

The Zexal Morphs are the show’s flagship of “ultimate bonds”. Although probably unintentional, Astral does end up heavily relying on multiple forms of Chaos— the Chaos Hopes and Yuma specifically—which allows him to fulfill his mission (but doing so altered his objective). By using constructive Chaos, they were able to become stronger than they were as individuals.

However, there is one Zexal Morph that needs to be addressed.

The Dark Zexal Morph is a product of a “Vector-influenced” Yuma and a broken-hearted Astral. It’s difficult to say if Yuma is using destructive Chaos here, but due to Vector shenanigans, this Zexal Morph is an embodiment of Astral possibly mixing himself with destructive Chaos. Although it is incredibly powerful, Dark Zexal self-cannibalizes itself.

And then there’s Nasch and Vector. Not really the duel between them, but their entire characters reflect the two Chaos.

These two are on the opposite ends of the spectrum. When Vector said they are incompatible, it means that Nasch uses constructive Chaos while Vector uses destructive Chaos. One will tend to give and the other will always take. They are quite the antithesis of each other. 

Because of this, they simply cannot mix. In this system, Vector will take and Nasch will give (assuming he is unaware the entire time; he trusts Vector for thousands of years and after his return, which,,,,). One will die in this system, and it’s likely to be Nasch because altruism tends to lose to selfishness. This isn’t how Nasch died though; Vector kinda pushed him off a cliff, but it does explain why the two cannot get along. 

But there are a lot of examples in how these characters contrast each other. Their past lives, for example, were prominent in how Vector was willing to slaughter his own men to defeat Nasch, while Nasch eventually tried to keep his army out of his and Vector’s fight in the Labyrinth. 

Their Mythyrian Numbers also showcase Vector’s tendency to ignore bonds while Nasch’s tendency to build bonds. Vector doesn’t even touch the base-form to access his Chaos Number while Nasch summons the base-form first and heavily utilize it. 

Their signature Rank-Up cards too. 

Nasch represents the power of shared Chaos. One of his first moves after becoming an Emperor is giving the power of “Rank-Up Magic - The Seventh One” to the rest of the Emperors. This Rank-Up Magic allows the Emperors to defeat their human opponents during the Barian Onslaught Arc, who they were struggling to beat before Nasch granted it to them. But Vector, after destroying Don Thousand, uses the card “Rank-Up-Magic - Admire Death Thousand” and he is the only person who has access to this card.

Another really good example is how they represent the combined powers of the Emperors.

Starting with Vector, it’s safe to say that he does not cherish the bonds between them at all. He is vicious even to his own team, going as far as to mortally wound two of them for the fun of it, insults them on a regular basis, and then absorbs them to make himself stronger. 

After absorbing four of the six Emperors, Vector uses their powers to make himself god-like. He alters his entire figure and uses this strength to “kill” Don Thousand, absorbing his strength as well. 

Furthermore and like Nasch, Vector uses a monster that represents the combined strength of the Emperors he gathered thus far. “Chaos Number 5: Perishing-Gloom Dragon - Chaos Chimera Dragon” represents this, but it is almost, say, tragic in how this monster represents those bonds? Aside from Vector summoning it before telling Nasch that, “Yeah, i took your dumbass buddies’ powers and made this sick bad boy out of it. Eat my shit”

Now, this monster is different from Nasch’s monster but it shares one similar effect, which is “This card's ATK becomes equal to the number of Xyz Materials attached to it x 1000.” This monster derives its powers from its overlay units (or from the other Emperors, if you look at the subtext) but a key difference from Nasch’s monster is that this monster has a special condition regarding its overlay units. For “Chimera Dragon” to attack, it must detach an overlay unit. This means it must always use and discard the strength of its “allies” in order to fight. Following this, “Chimera Dragon” can reattach its overlay units at the beginning of your opponent's turn, allowing it to use and discard its overlay units forever (provided the user can pay the lifepoint cost). Vector detaches all of the overlay units, essentially ditching the cards that represent his allies in order to use the power of his dragon.

But, for Nasch, oh boy, his duel kinda spells it out in big flashing letters. His moves in this duel is the embodiment of constructive Chaos. 

Before we get to the main monster, the Chaos cards used by Nasch follow a heavy theme of the Barian’s bonds, and Nasch makes several references to his dead friends during this duel.

I mean, just look at them. He’s obsessed.

The main attraction is Nasch’s ace monster, “Chaos Xyz: King of Hope - Barian”, a monster summoned by using each of the Emperor’s Over-Hundred Numbers, giving it seven overlay units that represent each Emperor. This monster is the complete opposite of “Chimera Dragon”. Everything about it represents the ideals of constructive Chaos.

Let’s start with the design. Now I’m a little skeptical on some of these, but according to some, “Barian King” has parts that derive from the other Chaos Over-Hundreds. 

The spear it uses comes from Dark Knight and Noble Daemon (and I’d argue that the shield comes from Noble Daemon too, since Durbe is said to the Barian’s shield), the crest on its head comes from Ragna Infinity, the armored knuckles come from Caestus the Comet, the style of its hair/tail things resembles the neck of Tachyon Dragon, and the color palette comes from Umbral and Giant Red Hand. 

Some of these are easy to see, while some are obscure-ish (not too sure about the color things since red is a general Barian thing), but it’s highly likely that the artists who designed “Barian King” considered the other Over-Hundreds when designing this monster, especially when you consider what happens in this duel. 

Moving to the effects, this monster also derives its ATK-points from its overlay units too, gaining 1000 points for each material attached. The difference between “Barian King” and “Chimera Dragon”, whereas its effects are unrelated to the monsters attached to it, is that “Barian King” effects are the effects of its overlay units. Since its overlay units are the seven Over-Hundred Numbers, “Barian King” has the unique powers of each Barian Emperor.

Stated in the show, Nasch is fighting alongside the other Emperors (or Yuma is facing all seven Emperors as a single entity).

Not only that, but the Emperors’ spirits are depicted with their duel disks, so they are not simply bystanders in the duel, but active participants in the fight. They are just as involved in this battle as much as Nasch is.

The cherry on top is an additional effect. The user can “detach an overlay unit to use one of the Over-Hundred effects” or the user can “pay 400 lifepoints to use the effect without detaching a material”. This is the major difference from Vector’s monster. Aside from having its effects be directly influenced from its overlay units, this monster gives the user an option of keeping its overlay units (or keeping the other Emperors by Nasch’s side) in exchange for Nasch’s lifepoints. 

And Nasch always pays the lifepoints. Over the course of the duel, in addition to paying lifepoints to SUMMON “Barian King”, he consistently pays lifepoints to prevent the overlay units from being detached, to keep “Barian King” alive, and to stop its overlay units from being destroyed. (I think he paid up to 8600 lifepoints total, so thats yikes)

Unlike Vector, who sees the other Emperors as tools to use and discard, Nasch sees them as invaluable allies who should stand by his side. 

Yuma even points out that Nasch is paying a lot of lifepoints to keep his monster safe. And then he destroys “Barian King” because fuck it. Nasch’s reaction when “Barian King” explodes, however, isn’t seen as an attack on himself but on his companions and their dreams. Like, that’s the face of hurt right there.

Look at his face. He’s so upset :( aw

It’s clear that Nasch derives his power and passion from the other Emperors; without them, he breaks apart.  

(it’s also worth noting that when he loses “Barian King”, or his bonds with the Barian Emperors, he immediately sends out several monsters that are deeply connected to Ryouga (Big Jaws, Aeroshark, Black Ray Lancer…). I don’t know what to make of this. It may be that Nasch is so driven by bonds that once “the Seven Emperors” are defeated, he turns to the bonds he built with Yuma. Or maybe it's just a nostalgic homage before the final battle concludes.)

Before he lost, Nasch’s final moves were to resummon “Barian King” and reattach each of Over-Hundreds on his monster. This final move may have been what killed him (due to some Double Up Chance shenanigans) but Nasch was set on letting all Seven Emperors win as one, or fall as one. 

That brings us to the final discussion of Yuma and Nasch. These characters have resonated with each other since the start of the show. I honestly believe this is due to their similar Chaos, which is why Yuma is able to always worm himself into Ryouga’s heart on multiple occasions, and vice-versa. The most interesting bit of information I found was this scene. 

Nasch understands Yuma because they both utilize the Chaos of bonds. Yuma heavily relies on his friends as much as Nasch does; it’s in their nature, so of course they understand each other.  

Furthermore, these characters seem to be able to fight most effectively in the presence of friends. For Yuma, he usually has Astral, Kotori, or the Numbers Club by his side, and during his duel with Michael, where he loses his father’s Kattobingu spirit and his friends, Yuma is unable to fight against his opponent. Yuma relies on constant support. Heck, his strongest form uses the bonds of Zexal Morph, and during the ceremonial duel, or the duel he fights without Astral or Zexal Morph, all of his (living) friends are there to support him. 

Nasch does this too. Like, a lot, to name a few:

And during his duel with Vector, where Nasch basically lost or assumes he lost all of his friends, he looks to be very distressed when he realizes he’s all alone.

And appropriately enough, when Yuma pops in at this exact moment, Nasch looks slightly less distressed? 

I don’t know what expression mr. no-mouth is doing here but he doesn’t look upset to see Yuma and Astral. He snaps out of his “loneliness” state when Yuma arrives for sure. By looks of it, Nasch fights better when he has certain people by his side, whether it be the soul of Barians or a familiar face. 

It’s this reasoning that both are strong constructive Chaos users, but they see it in slightly different ways. They both believe in strength in numbers, altruism, and friendship, but Nasch is limited to the in-group of his fellow Barians. He wants to protect them above everything else, and since the Astrals want to destroy them, Nasch reacts accordingly. On the other side, Yuma probably doesn’t have any in-groups (like maybe Don Thousand). He wants to protect the Barians, the Astrals, and the humans. 

And if you consider that Yuma is a fragment of Don Thousand’s original Chaos, someone who represents the strongest of all Chaos, it sorta makes sense that Yuma is potentially the strongest user of constructive Chaos (any by logic, Number 96 should be the strongest user of destructive Chaos, but he uh, he exploded.), making him stronger than Nasch despite their similar ideals. It’s this bond, I believe, is why Yuma persisted in the final battle and not Nasch. 

I don’t know how to end this really. There’s still a lot more I want to talk about that i couldn't fit in this entire series, but final thoughts is that barians, uh they’re friend-shaped 

[linkspooky]

Synonyms or Antonyms: Dazai and Dostoevsky

From the moment they meet within Bungou Stray Dogs, Dazai and Fyodor are set up as foils. 

Foil Definition. In literature, a foil is a character that shows qualities that are in contrast with the qualities of another character. The objective is to highlight the traits of the other character.

That is to say from the moment they are drawn in panel together, the audience is naturally meant to compare and contrast them. Their entire first scene plays their similarities and differences up. First, Dazai dresses as Fyodor not only as a joke but to draw the eye to how similar they are, both of them dark haired skinny males with pale complexions who wear overcoats. 

Dazai explains he was able to predict where Fyodor would end up, because if he were in the same situation it was what he would do. When he says that, Fyodor shows Dazai the same smile he showed him earlier, like Dazai is looking in a mirror. 

Dazai and Dotsoevsky are able to read each other so well, knowing the other like they know themselves. Which allows both of them to continually one up the other and predict the other’s movements. However their relationship extends far beyond ‘Being the same’, or just the fact that they’re both highly skilled manipulators who are able to pull off complex plans. It’s even much more than Dazai and Fyodor are just smarter than everybody else in a way that isolates them. They are each other’s inverse in almost every way while appearing to be exactly the same. I’ll elaborate in detail beneath the cut.

1. No Longer Human

First off, while Fyodor’s character, such as being referred to as a demon and his ideology for crime and punishment draws from Dostoevsky’s novels, the relationship between Dazai and Fyodor is a direct literary reference to No Longer Human. 

The character Yozo (who Dazai is in part based off of due to his tendency towards buffoonery to use as a mask for his feelings, and his ability is directly named after the book) in the fourth Memorandum of No Longer Human discusses the antonym of crime with his ‘friend’ Horiki. Already from the way the narrator describes his friendship with Horiki you can see parallels in how Fyodor views his connection to Dazai. 

The conversation starts when Horiki refers to Yozo as a criminal. Don’t be so cheeky, I for one have never been tied up like a common criminal the way you have.” After that the conversation turns into an antonym game between the two of them. Yozo turns it into a game to distract from the serious accusation that he is actually a criminal and he got away with not only committing double suicide with a lady who amounts to a stranger to him, but he’s lived his life so far stealing money from the other women he’s been in relationship in. The “joke” of the conversation is that while it sounds deep, the two of them are just playing a game.

Any of these two words could be set up as antonyms as long as you give enough justification. It’s a joke of binary opposition and dualism. In short, you can give justification that things are opposites, or you can give justification that things are actually the same, there is no universal truth there is only differing justifications. 

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At the end of the conversation Yozo relents to this point, he tries to think of antonyms of crime but they are all synonyms. Crime, and god, Crime and repetance, Crime and confession, Crime and punishment  he finally questions whether the last is synonym or antonym but before he can finish the thought he’s interrupted. Just before then though, he believes himself having come to an understanding of the chaos of Dostoesvski’s mind. 

Hence the relationship between Dazai and Fyodor. We are meant to question, are they synonyms, persons with similar meaning, or are they antonyms absolutely incompatible ideas as irreconcilable as oil and water. Note that in the original novel Yozo does not really come to a conclusion on this thought, and in all of my thinking this over I don’t think we are meant to see them as all the way one way or the other just yet. 

Either way this conversation has already been referenced several times in Bungo Stray Dogs. “God, is the antonym of crime”. Then you have Dostoevsky who positions himself as the opposite of crime, and therefore sees it is his responsibility to become God. 

However, the antonym of God is posited by Yozo not to be crime, but rather satan. Therefore we have Dostoevsky not only taking on the role of God, but also of a demon. Despite being referred to as “Demon Fyodor” several times, Dotsoevsky actually positions himself as both at once, he is both God and his Antonym the devil, and therefore they are synonymous because they are both him. 

Horiki at one point in the conversation even references, that while talking philosophically about crime Yozo is also a criminal. What does Fyodor do, but get Dazai arrested and separated from the rest of the Detective Agency for the crimes he committed in the past, because despite which side Dazai is on in the eyes of the law he is just as much a criminal as Dostoevsky is. Even if they are on opposite sides of a conflict (antonyms) they will still be seen as the same in the eyes of society (synonyms). 

Then there’s of course the scene from the movie Bungo Stray Dogs: Dead Apple which directly references not only this conversation with Horiki, but at the same time the novel Crime and Punishment.

Therefore in the original text Yozo may see them as antonyms, but Fyodor makes the argument they are synonyms. While he does so, both him and his shadow (his ability removed from him by the fog) are standing in juxtaposition of each other holding contrasting objects. A skull, and an apple. Apples can literally symbolize so many things, but here it’s just a symbol of binary opposites life and death. Or rather what is perceived as binary opposites. Life and death perceived as antonyms can also be seen as synonyms as Dazai explained to Chuuya. 

Death can be viewed as something opposite and entirely alien to life. That is life cannot possibly exist within death, because death by its nature kills life, or death can be viewed as a natural part of life. Therefore it is impossible to understand the value of life without contemplating it’s perceived opposite death. 

Poison and medicine can be seen as opposites, one kills and one saves, but if you overdose on medicine its easy to poison yourself with it. The more closely you examine them, the lines between supposed opposites begin to blur. 

Then you have Dostoevsky, crime and punishment are seen as opposites. Crime is unjust, and harms. Punishment is justice, the opposite of crime, it’s foil and prevention. Except, Justice can harm too, it just harms criminals. Except criminals can just be innocent people falsely accused. It’s never as black and white as it seems to be. Therefore, Dotsoevsky’s belief that they are not enemies but rather friends, it’s impossible to punish crime without thinking like a criminal. To punish crime, Dotsoevsky becomes a criminal. 

The apple, and the skull while seeming like opposite symbols can actually be the same thing, hence the title of the movie Dead Apple. 

2. Dead Apple

As the movie is canon material I also think it serves as a great introduction to the psychology of Dostoesvky’s character especially in comparison to Dazai. There are two subtextual psychological components to the movie, drawing from both Freud and Jung. 

In a brief summary of the movie itself, ability users are separated from their abilities due to a fog which causes their abilities to take form and attack them. This is really obvious Jungian shadow symbolism. Their abilities which always exist as a part of themselves and therefore a subconscious part of them are brought to the surface and they are forced to confront them. 

In Jungian psychology, the "shadow", "Id", or "shadow aspect/archetype" may refer to (1) an unconscious aspect of the personality which the conscious ego does not identify in itself, or (2) the entirety of the unconscious, i.e., everything of which a person is not fully conscious. In short, the shadow is the unknown side.

Because one tends to reject or remain ignorant of the least desirable aspects of one's personality, the shadow is largely negative. There are, however, positive aspects that may also remain hidden in one's shadow (especially in people with low self-esteem, anxieties, and false beliefs).

For example among the three main characters of the movie each of them are confronted with a shadow version of themselves, Rashomon for Akutagawa, Demon Snow for Kyoka and Beat under the Moonlight / The Tiger for Atsushi. There are several Jungian symbols associated with this process already, for one it’s specifically a fog that allows these shadows to manifest. The fog of the mind is what allows us not to be aware of the subconscious. When abilities are stolen they manifest with crystals that appear on the forehead, which also happens to be where the brain is. Neither of the three main characters are able to win their ability back until they accept something repressed about themselves.

(Pictured literally a tiger in shadow, two Jungian symbols the beastial instincts that represent the unconscious mind, and also the shadow which obfuscates). 

Kyouka that she does not want to hate Demon Snow even though the ability is responsible for killing her parents and also making her a murderer. Atsushi is the slowest of all to regain his ability back, due to the fact that he subconsciously rejects being an ability user. We see his flashback in the movie, first he blames the Tiger for his miserable life, he sees the tiger as the opposite of himself beast rather than man, an out of control monster. Then, when he realizes the tiger also protected him during life, despite being violent, Atsushi comes to the realization that his relationship is more complex than light and shadow, complete opposites.

People tend to deny their shadows, but the shadow is not necessarily the true self or more right than conscious mind, at the same time its still a part of yourself that needs to be acknowledged. Atsushi’s ability is even named “Beast under the Moonlight”, the moon is a classic symbol associated with Jung, because it represents the unconscious mind, the time of dreams, illusion, and when shadows are the longest. 

In the climax of the movie they literally ascend a tower, directly underneath the moonlight. 

Then there is Fyodor whose ability never separates from him and attacks him during the fog, and why is this? It’s because Fyodor already knowingly, willfully embraces his own shadow. He has no reason to deny what everybody else represses, because crime and punishment are friends. 

In other words Fyodor already is his own shadow. He’s a walking Id. 

The id, ego, and super-ego are three distinct, yet interacting agents in the psychic apparatus defined in Sigmund Freud's structural model of the psyche.

The three parts are the theoretical constructs of how the activity and interaction in our mental life is described. According to this Freudian model of the psyche, the id is the set of uncoordinated instinctual trends; the super-ego plays the critical and moralizing role; and the ego is the organized, realistic part that mediates between the desires of the id and the super-ego.

Why are both the protagonists and antagonists assembled in trios in dead apple? It’s because both of them are representative of the trio of the psyche. Fyodor, Dazai and Tatsuhiko are deliberately grouped as a trio, because they are Id, ego, and superego. 

Id, or I desire is uncoordinated instincts similar to the shadow. Reading the movie through this lens, it paints an interesting psychological portrait of Dotsoevsky. Of the trio he’s the most straightforward with his desires, he’s the one who seems to be ‘evil’ only for the sake of indulging in it and enjoying it. 

He plays the part of laughing villain the entire movie, and yet he also makes it clear this is an act to him. Therefore, when he claims that this is all for a laugh that’s not a statement that can be taken as a direct truth. 

As the symbolic Id of the movie, as the one who embraces his shadow he also plays the role of bringing the repressed truth that Tatsuhiko hides. He’s the one who encourages Tatsuhiko to rampage at the end of the movie. 

As he gives this speech Fyodor and his shadow overlap, because Fyodor is his own shadow, a walking shadow, he deliberately indulges in the worst of himself. That is why he sees himself as a demon, that is why he acts out on his god complex. That is the methodology which he chooses to bring forth his ideals, a world without Ability Users. 

Therefore his actions in the movie make perfect sense with his established motive in the manga, to commit a purge on ability users. Dazai even asks if Tatsuhiko will be saved by an angel or a demon before Dostoevsky introduces himself as a demon. 

It’s more binary opposite symbolism and the intention is clear. Dotsoevsky views himself as soemone who becomes a demon to save others, in line with his actions in his major introduction chapter in the manga. 

Demons are also in the bible, the creatures in charge of punishing sinners. Despite the fact that they are seen as rife with sin themselves. Another contradiction, for Fyodor a demon is something he has to become in order to punish crime, therefore he walks side by side with his shadow, therefore he indulges his id. 

Then, you have the other two serving as the opposing roles of the mind. Tatsuhiko is superego. Not only is he capable of controlling others to such an extent that he can make their abilities manifest against their will, but the extreme control he has makes him an utterly joyless existence. 

The balance between the two, the ego Dazai is the only one of the three of them who seems to have found any reason to live at all. His reason being the opposite of Fyodor. [Death] and release of the yoke of sin saves the soul. In comparison to Oda’s words. People live to save themselves huh, how true...

Dazai is the only one out of the three who has any semblance of control or purpose to his own life, and it comes from following Odasaku’s words. 

Ango’s summary of the three of them at the end of the movie shows that he does not quite understand Dazai, which makes sense as to why they never quite became friends. Demon Fyodor, Dazai “Disqualified from Humanity” and Tatsuhiko (turns into some kind of weird dragon) all three of them may seem inhuman but the moment you refer to them as aliens you fall for their illusion. All three characters are still undeniably and painfully human. They want to be seen as aliens to avoid being confronted by this, that’s the game all three play. 

Here’s the thing, Dazai is the only member of the trio who is not alone and part of that is because he had a friend who just saw him as he was, a flawed human being. 

3. The Demon Fyodor

For this final part I could list all the similarities and differences between Dazai and Fyodor, but that would just be a boring list so instead let’s analyze Fyodor who is currently the more mysterious character as to his motivations, using Dazai as a reference point. 

Before anything else, I’m going to use Oda’s words on Dazai as a reference point, because Oda had the best read on him. 

"Listen. You told me that you might find a reason to live if you lived in a world of violence and bloodshed. You won't find it. You must know that already. Whether you're on the side who kills people or the side who saves people, nothing beyond what you would expect will appear. Nothing in this world can fill that lonely hole you have. You will wander the darkness for eternity. (...) Be on the side that saves people. If both sides are the same, become a good man. Save the weak, and protect the orphans. Neither good nor evil means much to you, I know... but that'd make you at least a little bit better. (...) Of course I know. I know better than anyone. Because... I am your friend."

So, let’s define Dazai as a character who good nor evil means very little to, and is on the side of saving others simply by choice. He’s not motivated by lofty ideals. He’s not even a particularly moral person, willing to indulge in the unsavory sides of himself if it gets the results of ‘saving others’. 

He’s someone who can commit crimes with little foibles. Though I would not say he does not feel any guilt at all because there’s a clear difference between his mental health when he was in the mafia killing people, and when he was on the side of the Armed Detective Agency. He also has the ability to feel attachment to others, because he was clearly sad over Oda’s death. He’s not empty of all emotion, but at the same time a lot of Dazai’s life is spent in contemplation of his own emptiness. 

While Dazai moves pieces on a chess board and can see the bigger picture, I would argue that his motivations are much more personal and selfish than Fyodor, even though Fyodor is a cackling demon of a villain. Dazai is motivated by human beings and their individual stories, he leaves the Mafia not because of the hundreds of people he killed but because his one friend died. He is pushed to becoming a better mentor, because both Atsushi and Akutagawa need him to be. I’m not saying selfishness is bad, or selflessness is good the entire point of this essay is to deconstruct that simple black and white thinking. 

Let’s say simply put, Dazai is a selfish character, lacking in ideals but still motivated to save others. He contemplates life and death similiar to Fyodor, and the same way that Fyodor finds punishment for criminals in crime, Dazai tries to find a reason to live in pursuing death.

Even that, is a personal motivation. 

So then in comparison, Fyodor is impersonal and acts against his self interest. If Dazai is on a path of salvation, living to save himself, then Fyodor’s path is marked for self destruction. 

Starting with his formal introduction in chapter 42, Fyodor is introduced as a soulless man, lacking sympathy for anybody else. However, I would argue the opposite the chapter clearly shows Fyodor sympathizing with the child he spends most of the chapter talking to.

Remember the entire chapter Fyodor is playing Ace for a loop, he’s only letting Ace see him as he wants to be seen. Therefore everything he’s described as to others “Something more awful, and heinous than a villain” is the act he puts on. 

In the chapter we see a child honestly encourage and try to connect with Fyodor, only for his attempts to fall on deaf ears by the end of the chapter when Fyodor chooses to kill him as a witness. Fyodor gives the impression that he was not listening to the boy the entire time.

Yet, if Fyodor was ignoring him, if Fyodor did not feel a thing about the boy and was not sympathizing him in the least then why did he take the time to explain things and talk to him before sending him off at the end of the chapter? If Fyodor is able to kill him so easily so as to not see him as human, why does the boy feel like he is understood? 

Rather than just ignoring him and treating him like a piece on the board, I argue that Fyodor did see the boy as a person. The panel shown afterwards does not display the emotion of a remorseless slaughter. The entire panel is shown as empty. Fyodor regrets this action, killing the boy in such a way. 

At the same time he feels like he must do something he personally does not want to do. In order to punish evil he must become something even worse than evil. 

Therefore you have Dazai, living to save himself, attempting to be a better person than himself when he’s really just kind of a self obsessed person, and you have Fyodor, who lives to save not himself but the whole world and therefore he must damn himself to demonhood and become the worst version of himself. 

Dazai searches for life in death, hence why he constantly attempts suicide. In its own weird way, his suicide attempts, his getting involved with death, murder, it’s all him looking for a way to live.

Whereas Fyodor genuinely believes with all of his heart, that death is something that cures the sickness of life. Not only do we see him have the opportunity to save someone only to kill them as a witness, denying himself the possibility of redemption. We also see him manipulate a child into suicide in front of Kunikida. 

Because as he currently believes it, the world as it is will never bring salvation to those children. His act of manipulation is just a symptom of what is currently wrong with the world. After all, Dostoevsky pretty easily got this man to agree to arm his little brothers and sisters to the teeth and put them into danger. A child who exists in this world as it is cannot be saved. 

Every character who ideologically alligns with Fyodor is looking for freedom from the world, in some form. Fyodor’s style of manipulation itself is a paradox, he controls their every action even resorting to blatant mind control in some places, and therefore he frees them from the burden of making their own decisions. 

Then, if Fyodor is actually an idealist who genuinely does want a better world, and not just a laughing demon then why does he specifically target Kunakida the idealist of the detective agency? It’s because he’s an idealist, that Fyodor wants to crush him. In other words he wants to break weak and faulty ideals that cannot save the world. 

Yet, it’s also an act of self loathing. It’s not that Fyodor is necessarily evil, but rather someone who becomes evil for the sake of his ideals. The reason for that is ideals are so high and mighty he needs to become god to enforce them, he desires a world much better than this one therefore he carries the weight of the world of his shoulders. As a person, just like Kunikida, Fyodor is constantly being crushed under the weight of his own ideals. That is why he seeks to crush Kunikida, to prove that Kunikida is weak, and therefore he is strong.

If what he seeks is paradise, then it makes complete sense that he would see it necessary to become god in order to achieve that. However in the end, Fyodor is not a demon, nor god, nor alien, he’s infallibly human. He’s so completely obsessed with the bigger picture, with providing salvation to all, that he will never be allowed to moved by personal motivations. 

He sympathizes with the child who is wearing Ace’s collar, but cannot allow him to live even if he wants to. 

It’s not that he will never allow himself to be moved, it’s not in Fyodor’s own mind he cannot. If he were to cede to one personal bias then he would never be able to accomplish his goals that are so lofty that he would need to become god in order to accomplish them, therefore it’s better to become an inhuman monster rather than be tripped up by personal feelings.

Whereas Dazai is motivated towards good and saving others, almost exclusively by the fact that there are people in his life who he is personally invested in. 

It shows finally even in the difference for how they use people. Both Dazai and Fyodor rely on trickery and manipulation to move people, and sometimes it can seem like they only view others as mere pieces on a board. They have a tendency to also assume they know what is best for other people and move them without their consent. 

The difference being that at the end of the day Dazai still sees others as individuals. He always leaves the element of choice. While Dazai pushes Atsushi and Akutagawa together even though they hate each other, because he believes the two of them are what’s best for each other he always leaves Atsushi with the choice of how he wants to proceed. 

Therefore they remain individuals, therefore they are still people in his eyes. Even if Dazai always plays with his cards close to his chest, his plans fundamentally rely on trusting others, and others trusting him. Even in Dead Apple, his plan involved knowing Chuuya would use Corruption and that Chuuya would trust in him to stop him. 

So, let’s say Dazai is someone who generally needs other people to carry out his plans. This is in contrast to Fyodor who once again, takes the burden entirely on himself. 

Fyodor’s allies are more akin to slaves who worship him. 

He literally messes with their brains to free them from hardship. Which goes along with again the binary opposition, his brain is modified to feel unhappiess, therefore he is happy. Because by that black and white logic, unhappiness only exists as the opposite and antagonist to happiness. The extension to Fyodor’s extreme logic, that the absence of crime will therefore bring peace to the world. All of Fyodor’s direct subordinates are liberated in this way, if he takes on all the decision making for himself, takes on all the burden for himself, then they are freed. 

Goggol explains what are probably Fyodor’s own viewpoints via foiling, and being allies very well. That it is easier to imagine all of them as inhuman monsters who cannot possibly have a reason behind their actions. It’s more comforting, it’s freeing. 

To do what he needs to do to change the world, Fyodor must become an unfeeling villain and he does the same to his subordinates, he actually modifies them and removs them of their emotions. 

So therefore it’s a paradox, his allies and servants see themselves as completely free in their devotion to him, yet at the same time Fyodor’s manipulation is the opposite of Dazai’s. Rather than leaving it to choice and trust, he removes their ability to choose, he removes their ability to disobey him. It’s as if the only way he can think of for people to be righteous, is to remove their ability to sin in the first place. 

It’s even apparent in their joke question and answer session. Dazai tells Fyodor to just inspire his subordinates to be better people the way he does with Atsushi and Aktugawa, and it seems like the idea did not even occur to Fyodor. Fyodor tells Dazai the way to win a woman is to cut off everything else to the point where she becomes completely dependent on you. 

So, in conclusion it seems a lot of Fyodor’s mindset is a result of him purposefully taking on the burden of saving the entire world on himself, because he cannot allow himself to view others as equals. In order to continue justifying himself, he needs believe that he is the only person capable of doing these things and therefore he knows better than anyone else. 

Dazai and Fyodor are both smart enough to be aware of not only the emptiness of life, its lack of purpose, its senseless cruelty. Their reactions however are opposite, Dazai decided to live in spite of being unable to ever find meaning whereas Fyodor decided to dictate that meaning to everyone else and decide it for them, like his words are the word of god. 

Bestowing sins is the work of god. If god god does not Exist, I’ll become him.