#and i will say about the doctor that i have very different feelings about 13 and jack

[leashybebes]

so when those behind the scenes funeral pictures leaked and we were freaking out together in the liminal mcd space, i think i said something glib about everything i'm working on being an au now. i was mainly thinking about amnesia fic.

i don't know if i have it in me to make buck experience that twice, but oh it's juicy, so here's a very on-the-fly rewrite of the first scene, this time from maddie's perspective. i will very probably leave this one as an au, but i couldn't resist this scene.

The scene in Buck's hospital room is the same as it has been for a week. At least he's breathing on his own now, and the bleep of the monitors is reassuringly steady. The bigger concern is Tommy, who's taken a leave of absence from work and is haunting the hospital like an increasingly wild-man ghost. He's half sleeping in the chair, his head tipped back and to the side in a way Maddie knows is going to be absolute murder on his neck, so she pats his bearded cheek until he jolts upright, one hand coming up to rub the back of his neck, the other reaching out for the coffee she offers him.

"You can leave long enough to shave, you know," she teases. "He won't recognize you at this rate."

Tommy shrugs, takes a swig of his coffee. "He likes me with a beard."

Maddie raises her eyebrows, takes the other chair and says, "Please don't tell me anything I can't unhear."

The half laugh is by rote, but he says, "Okay. I think he's waking up."

"What?" 

"Yeah. He squeezed my hand a couple times earlier. The nurse said it might be nothing but to keep an eye on him."

"That's amazing," Maddie says. "Let's do that."

So they do. Between filling out another crossword in the book Hen dropped off for Tommy the previous day, they both take long moments to watch Buck. And Tommy's right, Maddie realizes. The twitches are more frequent, verging on intentional.

He opens his eyes between 15 down (interlocutor) and 13 across (probably kitsch, maybe chintz if they were off base with 12 down) and Tommy's attention is on him immediately, gently catching hold of Buck's hand, looking like a ten ton weight has been lifted from his shoulders. He sends Maddie a look of pure, unapologetic joy. God, he's so different now.

The weight returns with a couple of companions when Buck jerks his hand away and demands, "What are you doing here? Maddie, what's he doing here?"

Not for the first time since Tommy came into their lives, but in a whole new way, Maddie has no idea what to say to her little brother.

"Baby," Tommy says gently. "Where else would I be?"

"How should I know?" Buck asks, folding his arms so Tommy can't catch his hand again. "Just - where's Eddie? Or - or Bobby?"

Maddie feels ice settle in the pit of her stomach, and she feels like she can hear the clatter of shutters coming down behind Tommy's eyes as he straightens up.

"I'll - I'll get a doctor," he says, and flees the room.

[ssentimentals]

haiii, i really love your writing🤍 can you please do either 13 or 60 with jihoon?? Whichever spark your wonderful mind🤗 Also i wanna ask, can i make another request after this? That's it, thank you!!!

haii sweetie, thank you so much 💜 of course you can make another request after this, thank you for participating in the prompt game! 13 is taken, so let's go with 60 :)

prompt: 'truth serum/spell'

'this is bullshit,' jihoon barely resists flinging his cup to the wall. 'how the fuck-'

'well, considering how you are cursing and you usually never curse then i'd say that it really was the truth serum,' wonwoo says, sighing. 'how you're feeling right now? headache, stomache?'

jihoon doesn't feel any different if not to count for a strong urge to tell wonwoo that his hair is horrible - words are out of his mouth before he can even blink and wonwoo simply raises his eyebrow in response. jihoon purses his lips into a thin line and groans; yeah, it definitely is a truth serum. it's not a big thing and doesn't require doctors, truth serums last for few hours max and don't give any physical harm but they are incredibly annoying. 'i'll just go take something from the cafeteria, i'll be fine,' jihoon mutters.

wonwoo nods. 'it's 8 pm, so there shouldn't be many people around. i'm going back home and i won't tell anyone, but let me know in few hours how you're feeling, yeah?'

jihoon smiles, nodding thankfully. last thing he wants is to worry everyone over such a small thing and wonwoo knows this perfectly well. he also doesn't get offended at all jihoon's outburst about his hair and only jokingly warns him to stay away from directors or anyone important. 'don't want you to say something bad to them,' wonwoo huffs, heading home. 'look out for yourself.'

jihoon does usually, he has no idea who the fuck added truth serum to the coffee. grumbling under his breath, he walks to the cafeteria and instantly thinks of going back when he notices you. he doesn't trust his mouth around you in usual days, but now that he drank a freaking truth serum he certainly needs to run-

'jihoon? what are you doing here so late?' you turn to him with a small smile and shit, running now would be too rude.

'i was checking few tracks,' jihoon says. and then, because truth serum is impossible to ignore, he comments: 'you look beautiful.'

your stunned expression makes him want to die. fuck, you two are not on a compliments basis, you two are barely on a colleagues basis fuck- 'like always,' he adds. 'i mean, you look beautiful. always.'

fucking hell he needs a mouth tape. you look very surprised but he can see it's a pleasant surprise by how your smile widens and cheeks grow rosy. 'oh. thank you. that's very, um. kind of you.' and then because you're an angel, you save him from awkward silence: 'i was actually going to ask you about the comments you gave on my report? i don't think i understand them fully, maybe if you have time now we can discuss it? i'm not sure what i did wrong-'

'nothing,' jihoon interrupts. truth serum is not letting him keep his mouth shut. 'everything was okay in that report, but i needed a reason to see you again so i added some unnecessary comments.'

jihoon is actually going to die. like, go throw himself out of the window. the last thing he wants is to confess his crush on you in this kind of way, totally unrehearsed, completely out of blue. you deserve better, you deserve flowers and nice restaurant and a romantic song-

'what?' you breathe out, confused. 'you- are you kidding? my work is.. a joke to you?'

'no!' jihoon almost shouts. 'no-no, of course not, i'm just a fucking idiot who can't behave like a normal person around you. i'm so gone for you, but i never know how to breach this gap between us cause you're you and i am me and i started writing a song for you, about you, and this stupid truth serum ruined everything-

'truth serum?' you interrupt and then your eyes widen. 'wait. so what you're saying is-'

'all true,' jihoon mumbles, finally taking a deep breath. 'all true.'

there are all kinds of confessions out there and jihoon never thought that this is how it's going to happen, but when you start asking more questions and he has no choice but to answer you honestly - he thinks maybe this version of confession is not the worst one. especially not when you smile and start teasing him, asking him questions like what he thinks of you and what he likes the most about you. 'date tomorrow?' jihoon asks because bravery is reserved for the desperate times.

you laugh. 'yeah, jihoon. date tomorrow.'

maybe there are some good things about truth serums.

a/n: this is the cutest concept i've written flkfngldkgdk, hopefully you liked it! - nini

request your own here

my other seventeen work is here

[moonlightpeddler]

Demo out on itch

(Around 12k words without code)

Life is unpredictable.

You have just been to your first party, with hope for a different, better, and more social future, but instead of waking up with a hangover, you wake up 13 months of coma later, severely ill and with no chance to build the life you wanted to live.

Confined at home, confined to the night by your medication, deprived of outside contact to keep stress away from you, and with food that tastes like iron, all you have is your loving family and the small village they have moved to during your long sleep.

The house is old, dilapidated, the neighbours unfriendly and distant, looking at you with strange eyes, whispering whenever you see them, treating you like your illness is contagious.

But why has your family never taken you to the hospital for a check-up? Since when do hospital doctors make frequent home visits, and only when their patient isn’t conscious?

What would happen if you open the curtains they tell you to keep closed?

The game is intended for a mature audience.

Blood

Violence

Self-harm (for a reason)

Murder

Assault

Brainwashing

Dysfunctional relationships

Co-dependency

Death

And many more.

Depending on the route you take, Cailean, your character, can not be said to be an innocent or good person, please make sure that you are okay with playing a non-human MC who might act accordingly.

Characters are complex, they might have dubious morals or none at all.

Mending Yesterday pairs folk believes, old elements, and lore from different media, with Vampyr lifestyle to create a modern portrayal of vampires that retains the classic feel yet gives it a more down-to-earth presentation.

You take the place of an established character and turn the tale into your very own, form the adventure and how the protagonist faces his new reality.

Will you change Cailean’s behaviour over the course of the story, develop a new personality for your new life, or will you cling to your old self despite the consequences it could have?

Will you keep to yourself and your loved ones, build something new to spend your long life, or get involved in a struggle that isn’t yours? How will others see you, who are your friends and foes? Do you stick to those who are seemingly safe, or will you place your own judgement?

The game doesn’t give you an overpowered protagonist, you aren’t the chosen one, won’t save the world or change it in any meaningful way.

You are just a 19-year-old young man being in the wrong place at the wrong time, all you can do is live your own life that, in the grand scheme of eternity, is nothing but a fleeting picture.

Taking place in a fictional village in Ireland, the game takes a step away from the Urban-Vampire trope and focuses on dynamics commonly found in, very, rural places.

While I have abstained from using phonetics to make it easier for people not familiar with the country, selected sayings and use of words have been kept to preserve the feeling.

Mending Yesterday is a story and character driven game, 2 male ROs are deeply woven into the plot and how you treat them, who you try to romance, will change the story drastically.

Being a family-person, you will have to keep an eye on your parents and brother, how you react to the changes in your life, respond to situations, and how you treat them has a direct impact on how your adventure will go.

A character and relationship focused narrative requires you to think twice about how you interact with others, pay attention not only to yourself but those you meet, decide wisely about how to treat them and with whom you want to be close with.

There are relationship-stats you can and should check regularly, for they keep track not only of your bonds but could give you valuable information, yet they won’t ever tell you clearly what they mean.

Just like in real life, people aren’t open books.

Every choice you have to make is meaningful, it either changes or determines something important; you won’t be continuously prompted to make decisions. The game doesn’t bother with flavour.

New sections will be unlocked while you play, look out for a pop-up that informs you whenever something new has been added to the menu.

The game features several self-drawn CGs players can unlock and a small something to keep track of them for you.

Prologue

Cailean Morrison, whose place you take, is a 19-year-old geriatric-psychology freshman. Calm, quiet, and slightly distant, he was never good at making connections and even worse at maintaining them. He loves his family above all else, has a good heart, and is very fond of older folks.

James Morrison, Cailean’s father, 46 years old, family lawyer. He’s a sensible, somewhat emotional person, bad at dealing with negative experiences, and generally a kind soul.

Aileen Morrison, Cailean’s mother, 44 years old, elementary school teacher. While she loves her family and students, she can be very strict and vengeful, knows how to stay calm in difficult situations, and often keeps her emotions to herself.

Alfred Morrison, Cailean’s brother, 25 years old, investment banker. Although he was wild in his youth, he’s hard-working and cunning, and while usually perceived as friendly, he has well-hidden sharp edges and a ruthless nature.

A seasoned hunter who is investigating the "cult" that is killing people. He doesn't know of you - yet.

Desmond, your sire is looking for you.

Choices will determine which talent you are proficient in, while some increases might be obvious, others are hidden behind story-progression.

You can’t fail skill-checks, instead they will change the story depending either on which talent you are most versed in, or if you are generally lacking - and they might have an impact on how other characters feel about you.

The game is in active development. Planed additions include more visual elements, incidental music, and more. As a solo dev who does everything by himself, music and visuals are not my priority and will be included only in major updates.

[bonebabbles]

TEQ: 11, 12, 13

Chapter 11,

Leafstar falls asleep during Kitescratch's vigil, in a way that suggests she was so tired she essentially passed out. Kite's mom, Reedclaw, has had enough of Leaf's inability to lead and calls the vote.

There's a bundle of fun little character moments. Ridgeglow tries to tell Birchfeather to vote to get rid of Leaf, but Hawkwing says no and Birch is VERY grateful. Medcats Fidgetflake and Frecklewish vote in lockstep. Fallowfern is the deciding vote and has to take a moment to figure out what the hell is going on because she can't hear.

Reedclaw's vote to oust Leafstar fails, but she vows that this isn't over.

Chapter 12,

Moonpaw's sinister voice is getting more malevolent.

It's agreed she can come to the Moonpool to figure out if she's capable of having visions or not. I like the way that Alder and Jay are giving her lots of chances to try out the duties before actively committing to it, I'd like to think it's because both of them had been forced into the role the moment they had difficulties as a warrior. They don't want that forced on her in a similar way.

She sees her dead sister in her reflection again, giving her an evil look, and tries to swat the water. SPLASH! INTO THE DRINK WITH YE!

Alder and Jay decide this counts as a vision.

Jayfeather: "Next time, do not try to attack your visions. This is not BB, you can't just do that, and even if it WAS BB only I'm cool enough to do that."

Moonpaw: "please. Bones doesn't even rewrite arcs until they're done"

As Moonpaw tries to fall asleep, the voice in her head calls her cringe and tells her to quit being a doctor. Moonpaw tells her to shut up because she's the one fronting. "BET!" the voice laughs maniacally.

Chapter 13,

Tigerheartstar is REALLY snappish and controlling.

Puddleshine is telling the story of how Moonpaw got dunk tanked, to everyone's delight, and then the conversation gets grim as it turns to human activity. There's worry that the Moonpool will be destroyed or the Clans will be forced to do another Great Journey.

Tigerheartstar asserts that what happened in the old territory was different. If the Moonpool is destroyed they will find a new way to connect to StarClan. He then angrily shuts the conversation down.

Tawnypelt then decides to go visit Birchfeather, and asks his parents if they want her to relay any messages. Dovewing is visibly sad, and is about to say something when Tigerheartstar interrupts her and snaps that they're exercising "tough love" and won't be acknowledging him until he comes home.

Jeez. THAT feels odd for him. It's going beyond "acting understandably unreasonable out of hurt" and crossing over into active control tactics.

Anyway, Tawnypelt goes to see her grandbaby. He shares news that he hasn't had any trials because the Clan voted to depose Leafstar. When asked why, he shares the secondhand story of the badger attack, leaving out major details because he (admittedly) wasn't there. Tawny says that anyone could have mistaken a cat for a badger. tawny, no.

[sparkles-and-trash]

Second Chances, a Shouto and Touya fix-it one-shot ~

tags: healing todofam, todosibs, Shouto and Touya focused, some dabihawks and bktd in the time jump part

note: this ended up a lot longer than planned, and I even added a time jump for some dabihawks and tdbk in there hehe! And as usual I'm playing a little fast and loose with the ages of the Todoroki kids for plot purposes, so let's just go with it and have fun, yeah?

~ ao3 link ~

He got life as a gift for a second time.

That's what the doctors and nurses keeps telling him, at least.

But right now, Touya's not sure he agrees with them.

The sterile air in the hospital room makes his nose and mouth feel dry, his eyes feels tired of all the white; the white walls, floors, sheets, his white bandages.

But honestly, while his body is covered in bandages and skin grafts and the intense pain that flares through his very bones every time he takes a breath, he still thinks the worst part is the embarrassment.

Turns out nobody tells you how embarrassing it is to almost die.

The nurses treat him like he's some little baby, which he isn't, he's 13 and a half, and the doctors talk all over him.

Meanwhile his family is all being totally awkward and weird, even more so than before, which quite frankly is saying something.

All Touya wanted had been for his dad to see him, to listen and to give him a little attention; how stupid and unknowing he had been.

Now his father refuses to leave his side, always just sitting there, teary eyed and sad looking, which is ridiculous when Touya's not used to see him show any emotion besides anger.

At first he has tried to hold Touya's hand all the time, but Touya managed to put a stop to that sooner rather than later.

His mom is quiet, and she's usually smiling and telling him about her day and how the wildlife in their garden is doing, but Touya sees the sadness in her eyes, too.

No matter how much she tries to hide it.

Fuyumi and Natsuo clearly thinks the hospital is scary, and Fuyumi keeps berating him for hurting himself, but she also loves to whisper to him about how dad is different now, that he barley goes to work, and Natsuo said that he even tried to watch SpongeBob with them recently.

Touya would love to have witnessed that, but all he gets is weepy dad.

No fair.

The only one he hasn't seen yet is Shouto, and he understands why.

Touya is way too scary looking for a little kid like Shouto.

One of the changes Fuyumi and Natsuo mentioned is that dad is no longer super focused on training Shouto, and Touya thinks Shouto should be able to enjoy that without being traumatized by seeing his brother looking like a freaky mix of a mummy and Frankenstein's monster.

So no, Shouto had not come to visit, yet.

But apparently he's been asking about "Nii-San" all the time, and their mom is insisting that Shouto is ready, but Touya isn't so sure.

The next time his mom comes through the door to the room to his hospital room, she looks weirdly nervous, but she's also smiling.

Like she has a secret.

Touya's not a fan of secrets.

She sits down next to him carefully, and when he finally looks at her properly, she puts her hand on his.

"Someone's here to see you, today," she says softly, and Touya sighs.

"Is it dad?" he asks in his new, creaky voice.

"Is he crying?"

Touya swears his mom hides a smile behind her hand.

"No dear, your father is home with your brother and sister," she informs him, and Touya nods.

"Good."

Rei tilts her head.

"Your little brother really worries for you, Touya," she says softly, and Touya has a feeling she's not talking about Natsuo.

"Probably because you guys are making such a fuss," Touya mumbles grumpily, before he adds.

"And dad crying all the time."

Rei actually fully smiles this time.

"That might be, but he refused to let me leave without him today, so he's sitting outside in the waiting room as we speak," she tells him, and Touya's heart starts speeding up.

"You let him come?!" he asks, and Rei sighs.

"Like I told you, he refused to let me leave," she says.

"I think that was the first temper tantrum he's thrown in his whole little life, actually."

Touya's eyes widens.

"He did?" he asks, only half believing her.

"He did," Rei confirms, before she continues.

"He's also refusing to see you with me in the room, so I'm gonna go outside and send him in now."

Touya doesn't protest, but he can't meet her eyes.

"It's time, baby," Rei says softly as she strokes his cheek, before she gently tilts his face so he has to face her.

"And be kind to your brother."

Touya nods.

He doesn't have enough energy to put up a fight.

His mom gets up to leave, and Touya keeps looking out the window, trying to show how disinterested he is.

The door closes, and he hears two quiet voices outside for a bit, before a tentative knock hits his door.

Touya sighs heavily.

"Come in, Shouto," he calls out as loud as his fried vocal cords will let him.

The door creaks open, and the sound of little footsteps comes closer towards his bed.

Touya really doesn't want to turn around and face his little brother.

What if he scares him?

With his burned face and bandaged body, with his new voice and his pale face, those parts that aren't burned at least.

Turns out Touya doesn't have to turn around, because Shouto's already made that choice for him by walking all the way around the bed.

Suddenly Shouto is standing right in front of him, his mis-matched eyes staring straight into Touya's, and for a few seconds his expression is unreadable.

Touya's heart is beating so fast and hard he worries it'll alert the nurses.

Then, as if someone pulled away curtains on a sunny day, Shouto's face lights up with pure joy and relief.

"Nii-San!" he squeals, and clumsily tries to climb up into Touya's bed.

Touya just stares, trying to figure out if this is real.

Shouto finally clambers up into the bed, and he gently reaches out to put his hand on Touya's cheek.

Exactly like their mom.

"Nii-San, does it hurt?" he asks quietly, and Touya blinks down at him.

Then he nods.

"Yes, it does," he says carefully, and if Shouto is scared of his voice, he doesn't show it.

Shouto's face falls a little, so Touya hurries to continue.

"But they give me great pain medication, and the doctors says my skin gr-"

Touya cuts himself off mid-sentence to not traumatize his almost-seven year old brother more than necessary.

"Uhm, my brand new skin is growing quick and it's strong!"

Shouto's eyes are huge, but not from fear, rather... awe?

"You're so strong, Touya-nii!" he exclaims eagerly, and Touya feels a blush creep up on his cheeks.

"I'm not..." he starts, but once again cuts himself off.

No need to take his own self hatred out by airing it out to his baby brother.

"Well, thank, Shou," Touya says quietly as he gently ruffles the kid's two toned hair.

Shouto beams.

"When I grow up I wanna be like you," Shouto declares, and Touya's heart squeezes.

Had he always been this goddamn cute?!

Touya gives him a wry smile.

"Maybe a little less fried, tho, right?" he asks in a teasing tone, and Shouto giggles, before his face gets serious again.

"You were very hurt, Nii-san," he says in his serious little voice.

"Dad cried."

Touya sighs and rolls his eyes.

"Well, dad cries every time he's here now, so you don't get to complain!" Touya says, trying to lighten the mood.

Shouto doesn't smile.

"I was really scared, Touya-Nii," he whispers.

Touya averts his eyes.

"I'm sorry about that, Shou," he says quietly, and suddenly a small hand grabs Touya's.

"Just don't get hurt like that again, okay?" Shouto asks, and Touya looks back at him.

"I'll try my best," he says with a small smile.

Shouto shakes his head.

"Promise!" he insists.

Touya chuckles.

"Fine, I promise," he says and he ruffles Shouto's hair again.

"Promise."

-

At this point, a trip to the hospital is like a trip to the grocery store for Touya.

Even his family doesn't kick up much of a fuss for these smaller procedures anymore, which is quite nice honestly.

Especially now that he has a boyfriend that takes care of all that worrying for him.

This was the first time since he and Keigo got serious he had to go under anesthesia for a small procedure, and Keigo had not been coping too well.

He was pretty good at pretending to keep it cool, but Touya knew better, and it was obvious he'd been a nervous wreck.

Which is why he's rather surprised when the first person through his doors when he's come to after surgery isn't Keigo.

Touya should have known.

"Nii-San!" he exclaims as he hurries over to Touya's bedside.

Touya can't help but smile.

"Hi, Shou," he says tiredly, and Shouto sits down on his bedside.

Even now, 18 years old, interning as a Pro-Hero and with a steady boyfriend, Shouto still gets that look in his eyes sometimes.

The one he had when he told Touya that he wanted to be just like him when he grew up.

To be fair he wasn't doing half bad on the matter.

Shouto was interning at the same agency that Touya (and Keigo) currently worked at, and he was already taking an extra interest in rescue and first aid work.

Touya couldn't be prouder.

"So, why is your face the first I see, and not my doting boyfriend?" Touya asks dryly, and Shouto shrugs.

"Because I told him to wait outside," Shouto said simply.

Touya felt a headache coming on.

"Why?" he asks, and Shouto tilts his head.

"Because I'm the first one who sees you," Shouto says simply, and Touya rolls his eyes.

This kid.

"I hope you were nice to Keigo at least?" he asks, and Shouto nods.

"I'm always nice to Keigo, I like him a lot."

Touya feels a small smile tug on his lips.

"I'm not so sure about Kats, tho," Shouto adds thoughtfully.

Touya's smile drops.

"...please tell me you did not leave Keigo alone with Bakugo?" Touya asks, and Shouto blinks.

"Why would I tell you that?" Shouto asks genuinely.

Touya sighs heavily.

"Nevermind Shou, could you just tell Keigo that he can come in now?" he asks, and Shouto nods.

"Oh, sure," he agrees and gets up off the bedside.

Before he goes to save Touya's boyfriend and keep his own in check, he stops and gives Touya a genuine look.

"I'm glad you're okay, Nii-San," he says quietly, and Touya smiles.

"Well, I'm glad you cam to check on me, Shou," Touya says back, and Shouto beams.

"I'm planning on keeping it that way," Shouto informs him.

Touya chuckles.

"I'll tell Keigo," he says dryly, but Shouto nods serious.

"Yeah, you probably should."

Touya waits to roll his eyes until Shouto's turned around.

"Don't roll your eyes at me, Touya-Nii."

Touya huffs.

"Just get my boyfriend, you menace."

Shouto turns back to give him a final smile before he goes out the door, and as soon as the door opens the sound of Bakugo's voice hits them both, and Shouto suddenly seems in a bit more of a hurry.

"Yeah, hurry up you little weirdo," Touya mumbles as Shouto scatters off.

He's rather grateful he still has his biggest fan, after all.

[intuitive-revelations]

Semi-live/retrospective analysis of The Well!

Another semi-liveblog / semi analysis of episode 3! Again, I watched and wrote this early using the iPlayer release, but am posting when the BBC 1 airing ends. I'm scheduling it, so hopefully the football doesn't go long and knock it off-time.

As a warning, while comments are generally made in chronological order with the episode, note that I do come back and make edits in some cases based on later information, which may include spoilers. So maybe don't follow along with these comments while watching the episode for the first time (not that I expect anyone is doing that, but just in case)!

I love we're picking up right off from Lux with these costumes in the TARDIS. We could have had the Doctor and Belinda change first, but this sets us right up after the TARDIS left. Not that unusual for the first few episodes of a series, but I do like it when it happens.

"swatted by a giant moth" Kill the Moon thoughts intensify...

"and your mum will whistle at my behind" Interesting again to see how Fifteen is particularly aware of the power of attraction and how to manipulate it. I would say it feels a little iffy doing that with the first black Doctor (though I'm not black, so I don't want to get too carried away speaking about racial implications myself), but we have seen plenty of bits like this sexualising the Doctor with previous incarnations. See 9 and 10's relative flirtiness, 11 too, although while seemingly being less aware of it, with his relative asexuality (though I'd argue he still enjoys the game of it all, given his relationship with River etc., even if he's sometimes a bit less aware of when he's led someone on - Amy, Nefertiti, Marilyn etc.)

The return of Toxic! 20 years later!

A little silly the TARDIS had exactly the same (military?) uniforms. Couldn't we have had the orange spacesuits or something?

The crew not reacting to the Doctor and Bel straight away is a little weird, but I assume we're just at a point with the jump where there's no return and they need to pay attention.

My astrophysics nerd heart loves the spacescapes we're getting this era.

(Future comment: wait, does this mean Midnight is actually a Moon, based on the proximity of that ringed planet? Or at least a binary system? I really need to go back to that episode and see how things match up.)

Carbon 46 - I assume not "Carbon-46" right? That would be impossible. The number must have a different meaning than isotope - maybe the atomic configuration? (Future edit: YUP!)

A lot of specific numbers this series. Some of them stood out previously (e.g. that six-six-six-sixteen) but I'm not sure any mean anything. An interesting point to note though, given the later discussion of 13 being unlucky as an Earth superstition. Could be hinting at future significances.

"Hope is irrelevant." Interesting. We just had the Doctor discussing the idea of the TARDIS bringing hope last episode (very DotD, since I didn't say it before), so this may be starting to form a theme. Was there any discussion of hope in The Robot Revolution?

"It's not appropriate to call me 'babes'." This is obviously meant to be antagonistic, but honestly... hell yeah, speak back to your "higher-up".

Hmm... more emphasis on heart beats, here as a life sign. But not the Doctor's this time. I'm still adding it to the list though.

Yay, another deaf character!

Interesting choice to have part of the signed conversation untranslated. Was there any significance there? Also is this recognisable BSL/ASL? I think I recognised a bit, with the thank you, but don't know about the rest.

Nice also to have the Doctor be more confident at it, after some of Twelve's mistakes last time.

So everyone else went mad? I assume it was caused by something sound related then? But then why the mirrors?

"A nurse who can't sign? That's against the law." "Well, we have different laws. But you're right, it should be the law."

In retrospect, I like the detail that Aliss didn't react to the door opening! She was facing the other way, and of course she didn't hear it. I was wondering at first why she was so nonchalant to it opening.

Mercury... so another source of reflections?

"I can still lip-read."

Between Bel's struggling as a nurse and the Doctor's questions, I'm kinda struggling to buy that the crew will keep buying their authority. This is a common DW trope, so I'm not sure why I'm so sceptical this episode... (Future Edit: Given who the enemy is this episode, no wonder the writing has got me feeling so anxious about this! Genuinely quite a compliment to Angel Walfall, RTD, and the show crew on making me feel this way without even knowing why!)

The well itself gives strong "Satan Pit" vibes. Maybe this is why we didn't bring back the orange, as it would have felt too similar?

I like some of the world-building we're getting this episode, with regards to the 'wildlands' and entering the force as a teenager. Far more than we usually get for "generic interstellar space mission".

OH? So something has happened to Earth. Presumably not erased from time given last episode, but perhaps its future history has been, depending on what's happening in the present. I can't remember if I said this before, but this all feels surprisingly Lawrence Miles "Book of the World" so far (or just the stolen planets arc I guess), not that I'm saying it's more EU (or in this case, unofficial writing) cribbing, just a similar vibe with the mystery of Earth somehow being missing.

Interesting to have two explicitly human-like alien species this series already. Not as common in New Who compared to Classic. Feels a little bit of a shame we're not getting some prosthetics or something though, given that Disney+ money, to give a least a little bit of an alien appearance. That's always been why I've quite liked aliens like the Singers of Akhet, or the Drahvin (BTW RTD, can we can get the Drahvin back, pretty please?).

That jump scare took a couple repeats to see what happened. Something was behind Aliss. Is she possessed, or carrying something with her? Maybe something to do with that wound?

"What's that thing?" "Magic" lol (Another point for the Magic vs Science unravelling laws of rationality theme in this show, plus how the Doctor fits into it all)

Maybe I'm so sceptical of the authority thing because of this guy's (reasonable) doubts.

Feels quite Series 4. 'There's something on your back'

"But it's just a grey star now. Nothing special." "Well, a grey star is a star that's collapsed." Hm, a grey star isn't a thing. Is it meant to be a fading white dwarf (i.e. between a white dwarf and black dwarf?) or maybe a neutron star or something? Maybe something between a black hole and neutron star? That would better fit the "collapse" description.

"It was an Xtonic Star. But that's ancient history, 400,000 years ago." Wait, I know that star...

"Carbon 46" "And the definition of that is?" "Diamonds. This is a diamond mine. The entire surface of this planet was once made out of diamonds" WAIT I KNOW THAT PLANET...

Holy shit, so this is a Midnight sequel?! No wonder the sceptical tone felt so strong (also tbf I saw something comparing the episode to Midnight, but didn't realise how strong the connection was going to be!)

The monster perked when it heard the Doctor was an expert, didn't it...?

Oh, this soundtrack! With the trumpets blaring. Was that from Midnight or another episode? It sounds kinda Twelve era, but I expect I'm wrong. (Future edit: I checked, it's definitely from Midnight. It's part of the same named song on the Series 4 soundtrack.)

I wonder... if Earth's been destroyed/erased, were the events of that episode effected? How many of the Midnight passengers, if any, were actually human again? If none, maybe it's uneffected?

This is some interesting development for the Midnight entity. So it's some sort of 'perspective'-based creature, always behind the person it's attached to. Feels very Weeping Angel-like, though it's clearly not just a matter of sight. It seems to be linked to the direction Aliss is facing.

"It can't be behind from every angle." "Try telling it that" YESSS, non-euclidean creature, let's go.

A shame this episode kinda kills the "dying TARDIS" theory of it though. Though worth noting this is the same episode Belinda had the translation circuit introduced to her, which is key to that whole idea?

"If it was a clock face, then you die at midnight."... that's a little bit of a stretch... I get it from their perspective, but surely hands at 6 o'clock would be a better comparison?

Side note... did we ever find out when Midnight took place exactly? Right now, I assumed if was the 51st century, but I don't think that's canon. We know it was around 400,000 years ago at a point 500,000 years in the future. So it's a bit further forward than we thought. Actually halfway towards the 200,000 future of human empire era of Series 1 now I think about it, though still 100,000 years away so it's not significant.

Side note 2: 400,000 years isn't a very long for a star to die in? It's fictional granted, but I wonder what type of star Midnight's sun is meant to be. I guess it could have already been in its last days? But the process of dying is meant to be slow in most cases. It presumably would have to have been quite a big star, as the larger they are the quicker they burn out. This seemingly rules out the fading white dwarf theory, since it takes forever for that to happen (fun fact: we believe there isn't a single black dwarf in the universe yet!). A neutron star / black hole intermediary state is a bit more likely, which might place the star right around the Chandresekhar limit which JWST and other telescopes are searching for bodies around. That's still not that much more massive than the Sun though, so the star really must have already been old in Midnight.

"It has fun. Oh, it played games" Interesting. This fits, but gives the creature an even more malevolent feeling, than its learning state we saw (though it was clearly more malicious when it fully took over Sky and possessed the Doctor). The mention of games almost makes me think this will link back to the Pantheon or similar creatures in some way.

As if Midnight wasn't dangerous enough, now everyone's got guns.

Cassio you moron...

...though deliberately killing him via the creature is crazy! WTF Shaya

Is Aliss even still 'her'? If so, it seems to be a change in MO for the entity.

"Please don't turn your back on me." Oh, you know that was an "a-ha" moment at the writing desk!

"My old friend. You have waited 400,000 years. Who are you? Are you there? What are you?" Are we about to get something crazy?

"It knows my name." WHAT. LIKE, 'NAME' NAME? Now I want some to analyse those whisper and see if they can discern anything. If the whisper we hear here is what the Doctor's hearing, it almost sounds just like two or three syllables. Could just be "Doctor" but doesn't sound like it. Sounds closer to "Theta" if anything...

On the other hand, it's clearly more than what we hear, so there's not much to conclude. The Doctor reacts a LOT more while we hear nothing, so there might be some telepathic contact taking place too.

(Does that mean Series 4 now has three episodes in a row with characters who know the Doctor's name? River and the entity?)

"Oh yes, there it is." Ah, for a second we were seeing the Doctor get possessed again! Can you imagine if the Doctor turned and suddenly started acting like the released Sky did at the end of Midnight? I know some of y'all have theorised it could happen in a way involving the Master, but I would love to see Ncuti get a villainous moment, like the Cyberplanner or in 42 (speaking of which, there was a brief second I thought we were talking about that star earlier!).

Ha, I knew the Mercury was significant. So it destroyed the mirrors itself then? Quite "Little Nightmares"-y, plus I swear from something else too, but I can't remember.

"Mercury 16" Oh come on, that isn't an isotope either. I guess it must be some configuration of Mercury, based on the diamond thing (maybe this is why Mercury vapour isn't an issue when it gets spilled - though I suppose even if it was, both the soldiers and the Doctor and Bel have whatever they'd need to heal the exposure).

Oh, so is it attacking something behind it involuntary? Weird... If so, that might explain what happened to the cockpit in Midnight. But did anyone go behind Sky in that episode. Although actually, there have been a few points where it seemingly could have struck previously (e.g. as Cassio walked to the other side of the room and Aliss turned), so maybe there is some control to it? The rules are a bit unclear, but that comes with non-euclidity I guess.

It seems interestingly to be linked to the line of sight specifically? The Doctor told people not to look earlier, so maybe not looking at it when you're facing it is enough to be safe? That would explain the screaming before gettng thrown too. It's like some sort of defensive mechanism to hide and avoid being seen, which is apparently harmful even to itself - very Weeping Angel-like again. Like the entity only attacks when it can gurantee it can kill whatever sees it. But apparently its peripharies (e.g. over the shoulder) aren't so vital.

"I want to see it" How very Listen of you, Doctor. At least he only seems to get a glimpse in the shadows and isn't attacked the same way.

I didn't see it first time watching, but just realised they did actually reuse the orange spacesuit! Aliss wears it when they escort her out, though it's clearly been retouched in grey to serve as a miner's spacesuit. I wonder how many of those suits have actually been made and reused? Given it fits Aliss's actress, maybe this is one of the ones fitted for Jodie, Jenna, or Mandip?

I knew everyone just getting out felt a bit too easy...

Jesus, something tells me this is going to remind Belinda how dangerous this is again, after the relatively comfortably story last time. The Doctor's sacrificial play probably helped solidify her trust of him, but I don't think she'll be as carefree about sticking around as it looked like she was going to be.

Interesting no-one questions if Belinda nearly dying would be enough to move the entity to Shaya. (Future edit: knowing it didn't actually go to her shows how flimsy this really was. It's also a nice reminder that the thing is intelligent, and doesn't have rules it needs to follow. After all, why should it go to the killer? It probably only did so previously because they were the most convenient nearby body. Or actually, in retrospect, I guess that, like it looked for the most intelligent person in the room in Midnight, this time it's just looking for its safest way out. In the past, that's been sticking with whoever kills the previous host - "survival of the fittest", after all (not that that's what that phrase really means) - but here, it knows Shaya is ready to sacrifice herself, so there's no point leeching onto her. It also doesn't go with the Doctor, as this time he's too smart, and would catch and stop it. Belinda was a good try, but her odds now probably seem to low (plus maybe her being shot would have effected it too?). The better option is to pick someone else in the room: not a soldier - but the group's quieter nurse.

I feel like Shaya running away face forwards could have been done a bit more carefully, given she was almost throwing everyone behind her. (Future edit, again: given the final twist, this makes more sense...)

Also, she kinda comes across as another Doctor parallel doesn't she? Like with Mr Pye last episode, here "running across the galaxy" to bring hope (again that theme). Feels like the kinda thing that could be setting up the Doctor to sacrifice himself some way in the final episode this series.

This music as she sacrifices itself sounds familiar again? I'd assume from Midnight, but it sounds more like something from Girl in the Fireplace. A lot of repeated soundtracks this year so far. Mostly reasonable choices, but Amy's theme and the This is Gallifrey bit feel like they could be arbitrary choices. I hope Murray Gold put some thought into it and it's not more of a Time of the Doctor situation where they had limited recording time and had to reuse some themes (as much as I love the Long Song / Infinite Potential returning for Eleven's regeneration). I wonder if there's more subtle Midnight callbacks in this episode's soundtrack I missed? Whether there are or not, I will say I did love the soundtrack this episode, including the more original bits. (Future edit: Again, I checked this. I don't think it's actually Madame de Pompadour, which is what I was thinking. I think it's just a similar sounding theme, either original to this episode, or possibly unreleased from Midnight.)

Mrs Flood again. So the use of the vindicators IS important, including to whatever she's thinking. Again... is my theory that they're accidentally messing with Earth's position in the Web of Time correct?!

Actually defeating the Midnight entity (albeit not killing it), rather than just surviving felt a little bit of a shame, so it actually sucessfully getting out does boost this ending quite a bit! Now I just kinda hope we get a third story to complete the trilogy, as it's quite a cliffhanger. Maybe that could be the one to actually reveal more about it?

Ooh, the credits give the entity a name (or lack thereof) for crediting. "It Has No Name". It seems to be a male actor, maybe whoever did the glimpses of it on set? The whispers sounded more feminine to me.

Overall thoughts

I really liked this one, even if it was a bit of a disappointing follow-up. Definitely doesn't match up to Midnight in terms of the tension and anxiety, even if I was feeling it early on. Maybe more should have been done with Cassio's coup - we could have seen more and more whispers among the crew members over the story? The room most of the action takes place in is also way too big, so you don't get the same claustrophobia. That being said, between this and the entity's behaviour itself, I get you don't just want to do Midnight, but again. I still think it was a good and creepy story, but the comparison to Midnight kinda makes it look worse by comparison. We also don't get the same breakdown of the Doctor's character behaviour, though again I understand you can't just do the same thing again. It more just happens in the background here, mostly via Cassio. On the bright side, I'd argue we've gotten a similar breakdown of Fifteen from Belinda just a couple episodes ago, so I'm not too upset.

Meeting the entity again is cool though, especially with it seemingly recognising the Doctor. The implication that it learned the Doctor's name is a bit of a bombshell, even if it sadly didn't amount to anything. Its shows of force are neat, quite poltergeist-y, and matches up with the cockpit getting torn off in the previous episode, but overall it didn't really match the creepiness of that episode. I'm kinda shocked we never got a point of it mimicking someone again (can you imagine if it was doing so throughout, and when we got to the airlock Belinda suddenly started repeating people's words!). It seems a lot more physical rather than psychological / mental in this episode. On the otherhand, the MO change does kinda make sense. It's been 400,000 years after all - it was only really doing what it did in the first place to learn! Probably doesn't need to learn anything else at this point. Learning more about it, like its connection to perception, was pretty cool too.

I liked the characters in this episode - while some crew members were clearly more "redshirt"-y, a few of them like Cassio, Shaya and Mo stood out, as did Aliss. I really loved how you could feel the different communication barriers coming across through the episode, between the discussion of signing, the soldiers turning off their captions to speak without Aliss hearing (though, as she says, she can definitely lipread some of it) and the Doctor making an effort rather than just relying on the automatic captioning. The latter in particular feels like a bit of a relevant topic, given I've just recently seen "anti-DEI" talk turn to the idea of getting rid of interpretors and just having subtitles available. Again, I'm not audibly or visually impaired (just shortsighted), so I'm probably not the best person to talk about it, but there've been plenty of discussions especially on Tumblr on why this is a bad conclusion to come to.

One thing I'll say, less about the current episode and more in general - maybe this is just me, but do modern DW episodes tend to feel a bit underdeveloped? Not in terms of editing (though I'd argue some changes could have been made to the last few episodes, as much as I liked them) but in terms of plot pacing? It feels like a lot more happened in older episodes, whereas nowadays I check the time part way through and am surprised how close we are to the end - it sometimes feels like we could have done more with the concepts, scenery etc. Maybe it's just a matter of growing up and your attention span / information processing changing (if anything, I'm glad I seem to be going that way in terms of paying attention, rather than the opposite!). On the other hand, maybe this is evidence we need to bring back mid-season multi-parters, or at least the 50+ min episodes we got more of in Capaldi's run.

Ruby next week! I'm surprised it's a Ruby episode with the Doctor and Belinda actually on Earth, I thought it was going to be more of a Doctor-lite episode with her. When is it going to be set? I assume last year or something - too long for Bel to hang around on Earth? Also, "boyfriend", "pheromones", what is this, Torchwood?

[kojandra]

✨dramas i watched in 2024 and my ratings for them✨

May contain spoilers <3

1. A Shop for Killers, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Oh this has set the bar for 2024 already....where is next season!!! Had me hooked I didn't even realize it was a series and not a movie. Only complaint is that it needs to be longer!

2. Doctor Slump ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Watched it for the mains but fell in love with the characters. Burnout talk is necessary and I loved seeing Ha Neul's mom/family grow...as a family. The acceptance of Jeong Woo and his story was so so heartwarming and heartbreaking. I would have ate this up three years ago, but I feel like I've seen this before.

3. Flex x Cop ⭐️⭐️⭐️ Nice story that kept me engaged though a bit cheesy! A fun watch but I feel like it will not my best "fun" watch this year.

4. Queen of Tears ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ all the rom com tropes and soo hyun x ji won .....need I say more?

5. Military Prosecutor Doberman ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Decided to try another one of Ahn Bo Hyun's drama after Flex x Cop was not a hit. This was MUCH better. I learned a lot about military corruption....but something isn't hitting.

5. The Whirlwind ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 Okay, political dramas are Kim Hee Ae's THING bc this was so good. Only thing I hated was that her character was a bit weak in such crucial times....opposite of what she preached and not very girl boss of her smh.

6. Connection ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Watched it for Mi Do but oh my godddd????? A story about friendship in sick and twisted way that I can't help but love. Beginning to end...pacing was amazing, casting amazing, binged it so hard....wish I could watch it for the first time again.

7. The Frog ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (ngl i watched this for chanyeol). Did I just watch a masterclass in acting or what!? Must watch. But I am also in a thriller/murder mystery vibe this year I guess.

8. Collectors (Movie, 2020) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 no 'cause why did I like that??? A story about a corporate chairman that likes dynasty relics and a group of grave diggers that are hired to find a very specific relic. That's all I'll say. But c'mon....

9. Good Partner ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ The last divorce law drama I watched was Divorce Attorney Shin, I believe (highly rec that one if you like law dramas!). Attorney Shin focused a lot on the main character's personal vengeance and this one focuses on the job itself. Justice for

10. Sweet & Sour (Movie, 2021) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Girl, just watch it. Quick synopsis: how a couple navigates a long term relationship. I thought this was gonna be fun and not that deep but oh myyyyy I was seated. Watch until the end!!!

11. Love Next Door ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Oh they're so cute. They're so cute! The last time I saw Hae-In was in D.P. and this was so refreshing. Neighbourhood friends....fall in love? Sign me up!!! Took off a star because the characters got on my nerves after a while. Seung-ho loser era was not cool!!

12. Miss Night and Day ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 Watched for Lee Jung Eun and Choi Jin Hyuk but got hooked! Fantasy drama about a 28 year old that cannot seem to pass the civil exam and find a job. She got possessed by her dead Aunt though. That's when the fun starts ;) Annoying last two episodes though....

13. Work Later, Drink Now ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ If you liked Hello, My Twenties! you will LOVE this. Loved this trio. Watch it! (Slice of life-esque).

14. Work Later, Drink Now 2 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Something different but the same magic as the first series. Love the introduction of new characters and their significance in the girls' lives. Important character development too. Fight and then make up! That's life.

15. Mr. Plankton ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Took off a star not because it was bad, but because it was so SAD. Must watch for this pairing and this chemistry. It's currently January 9th...as I'm looking through this list.....I got reminded again how sad this drama was. NEVER again.

16. Virtuous Business ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ This was a fun! one! I loved seeing the friend group develop. The need for a thriller sub plot in all dramas is killing me though ahhaha

17. Marry My Husband ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ binged this and honestly wTF just happened? That was so good LOL. All the characters the viewer is supposed to hate is just soooo hateable. Good on MC! For living her life!

18. The Judge from Hell - y'all I dropped it. It got repetitive :( But it was so good at the start. Not my cup of tea, I guess.

18. When the Phone Rings ⭐️⭐️⭐️ Honestly this was about to be a five star in December. I waited until the last episode aired to finish this list. Chemistry was off the charts, story was so wattpad but I ate it up, pacing was soooo good.....but..........all of a sudden there were two episodes that had their own crazy story line at the end. Using an ongoing genocide for plot rubs me the wrong way, I cannot get over that.

Dramas from this list I'll rewatch in the future: A shop for killers, queen of tears, miss night and day, work later drink now

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas...........so this is super duper personal so you 1000% do not have to respond to this but um here you go:

i am 18, afab, transmasc transnonbinary and i have to go see a gynecologist bc my body isn't functioning correctly (i get my period for too long too frequently and lose a lot of blood). now i don't typically experience dysphoria about things like my period bc it's just something that happens and wtv, but lately idk if it's dysphoria or just general icky frustration bc my body is not regulating itself and i can't control it. anyway, the whole point of the ask was to ask you if you've been to a gyn and what are some things that helped you feel more comfortable about your body and things you can't control. (and if you don't want to answer any of it or some of it or wtv, i totally understand. this is a super invasive and personal ask and i just thank you for even reading it.

all that aside: i love all of your works, esp trans!regulus! thank you so much for being the aunt of the marauders fandom and just being an amazing person in general!!! sending you so much love to you and your family through the holidays!!!!

Hi!

I have been to a gynecologist, I go every year. I've actually been going since I was 13 because I have PCOS so I've had a lot of issues with my cycle (such fun).

I'm going to put a 'read more' here because I'm sure many people don't want to hear me go on about the OBGYN for ages lol

I think the first thing I'd suggest is to be picky, if you can. I know that's not always possible, depending on your country, insurance, etc, but if it's possible to look into the gyn's policies when it comes to LGBTQIA+ patients, first-time patients, etc and pick a doctor that is accepting in that way, it makes a huge difference.

Along with that, before you go to the appointment, research what to expect. Before my first appointment, I read about exactly what would happen. I wasn't thrilled about everything I read, but I wasn't surprised at all, which was very comforting. Knowing what is coming can also prepare you to know what to ask for. For example, if you don't like hearing certain words for certain body parts, you can ask the doctor to avoid using those words and instead use others.

At the appointment, it's very important to be honest about how you're feeling. The nice thing is, gynecologists have better bedside manner than the average doctor, because they work with pregnant people, so if you're honest about feeling uncomfortable, they'll be more likely to listen. Say how you're feeling, ask questions about what is happening, and as weird as it feels, be very honest. I have had some VERY weird conversations with my gynecologist and there has been no judgement. Trust me when I say they have seen and heard EVERYTHNG, so it is much better to be honest. Along with this, if the doctor is NOT helpful or kind at any point, remember that you STILL have the power to remove consent. You have control over your body. You can tell them to stop, ask for a different doctor, or decide to go to a completely different office. You can ask why something is necessary, or refuse a treatment even if the doctor tells you that you should not. You have control over your body.

After any sort of check-up, make sure to ask questions about the suggested treatment. Ask questions about things that matter to you. For me, I always ask about how new medications might affect my weight, my estrogen and testosterone levels (because I am nonbinary and I don't want my estrogen too high), my mood, and my blood sugar (I am diabetic).

Most importantly, remember that you are NOT a bother. Whatever questions you ask, whatever hesitations you voice, however many times you need to correct people on pronouns or anything like that, you are NOT a bother. This is your health and it is extremely important.

Two more things: if you feel like a doctor isn't listening to you, at any office, ask for the doctor to note their decision in your chart. A written note of their decision can often cause them to suddenly be willing to do more for you. And...how do I say this without saying it. If you need to get a physical exam from a gynecologist and you are worried about...sizes of devices used for the exam? Some gynecologists have a smaller version of the device that you can request. I hope that makes sense...

Good luck! And if you have specific questions about what an appointment is like, you're welcome to DM me! I'll let you know if the questions are too invasive.

[greetingfromthedead]

1. Death's Door

Series: Apple Blossoms Series Plot: Knives is finally crushed, his plans in ashes, his body at Death's door, but Vash decides to spare his life. With the last power he has left, he carries his brother to a person who has nursed him back to life, now begging for you to save his twin too. A tattered Knives finds himself in the care of a human and as time goes on, he has to come to terms with uncomfortable truths about his skewed world view and the strange feelings he discovers blooming in his chest for you. // Contains some Trimax spoilers. // A slight mix of all the Trigun iterations, but mostly Trimax Pairing: Knives x GN!Reader Series Rating: PG-13 + pwp BONUS chapters Series Tags (initial): No use of "Y/N", Redemption, Love, Romance, Sickfic, Medical Inaccuracies, Knives is injured, Caretaking, Falling In Love, Adventuring, Cowboy vibes, Knives is introverted, Knives has a crush and is very lost, Fluff, Reader-Insert, Canon-Typical Violence, Post-Canon, No use of y/n, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Forced Proximity, Trauma, Knives pouts a lot Word count: 3.3k

Author's Note: It is not yet a fully fleshed out story, I have the first few chapters planned out, but keeping it going will depend partially of the interest shown for it and how things will work out. All in all, I would be grateful to hear your thoughts. What is something you would love to see in such a story, scenarios and dynamics you would like to explore. Perhaps I will adopt some of them.

Yapping | Next »

It has been many long months since the communications were cut off as the satellites fell from the sky as comets. Since then, the only source of information have been the criers, who travel from village to village, sharing news and stories. Sometimes you hear different stories from different mouths and really can never be sure what the truth is. Apparently, at least most of the Seven Cities have been decimated, and a giant ark is destroying everything in its path. The criers are warning people to seek shelter and prepare for the worst, but you still hold on to a sliver of hope. You've heard that Vash the Stampede is somehow involved in this whole mess. The man with a giant bounty on his head is rumored to be the Devil himself, the Humanoid Typhoon. Some sources say he is behind all of this; he is the one who is raining down destruction as he always does; others say he has stepped up as the protector of humanity on this desolate planet. And the truth remains a mystery, hidden behind the game of telephone and conflicting accounts. Deep down, you believe that he is on your side, fighting to keep humanity safe from the impending destruction.

You have met that strange man before. He arrived in your care with multiple gunshot wounds in the dead of night, or rather, you stumbled over his dying body in the dark desert. It had been nothing short of a miracle that he had evidently walked from the next town over towards your lonely house before collapsing. And it was even more of a coincidence that you found him at all. Vash the Stampede truly has the luck of a demon, or perhaps it was fate. Who's to say? But you did dragged him home, patched him up, and took care of him until he awoke from his week long slumber. He remained under your watchful eye for a bit longer, and as the closest thing to a doctor this area has, you felt it was your duty to make sure he fully recovered before letting him leave. You got to know him quite well during the time he spent at your house. You quickly realized who he was, but let him introduce himself. It became clear to you that the vicious rumors held little truth. He might be clumsy, but not evil. He was nothing but kind and grateful to you, helping you however he could and paying you for the time and medicine spent on him even as you tried to refuse. All that happened a few years ago, but his generosity and kindness still stick with you to this day. You still remember his smiling face as he turned to leave into the empty desert where you found him in the first place.

Nowadays, you live quietly in your lonely house. The closest village is half a day's ride away, and you rarely see anyone besides the occasional messenger passing through. The closest city is Octovern, but to reach that via tomas, it would take nearly half a week. You occasionally take your first aid kit and go through the nearby towns to help anyone in need, but you have been blessed to not be dragged into the larger war decimating the planet. You have been able to maintain a sense of peace and purpose amidst the chaos, but you can only hope things will return to a sense of normality soon, as much as that can be found in this place.

Little did you suspect of the evening where a loud and insistent banging on your door would shift your life entirely. A rap like that always means trouble, and instinctively, you hurried to open the old creaking door into the cooling evening air. The golden light of the setting suns tries to flood into your hallway, only to be obscured by a giant figure. It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust to see more than just the silhouette, but still, the sight leaves you dumbfounded. Before you are two people, but they aren't entirely human as wings spread from their backs, not quite covered in feathers like an angel, partially reminding you of roots and stone, partially of shattering metal. Two wings, one on each of the bloody men. One holds the unconscious body of the other. He struggles to stay upright, one knee on the ground, the other supporting the limp form of the other as his singular arm wraps around the other's waist. The stump of his left arm has wires tangling from it, and it must have been what he used to knock on your door. It takes you too long to realize who that man is—Vash. His blonde hair is now entirely black, and his features are obscured by dirt and blood.

"Please. Help." He pleads with desperation in his eyes. "Can you save him?"

Your eyes shift to the man in his grasp. He is looking even rougher than Vash; his clothes seem burned and torn, and his skin is covered in blood and open wounds. His face is bruised and swollen. He hangs limply in Vash's embrace, his arms dangling lifelessly at his sides in an uncanny fashion. He's barely breathing, and it's clear that time is running out.

"Right!" You stir from your shock. "Let's get him inside!"

You push aside the weirdness and the unnatural aspects of the situation you find yourself in and slip back into the familiar feeling of urgency. You rush forward to put a shoulder under the unconscious man and lift him up with the help of Vash. You drag him not to the cot that's reserved for your patients, but instead you haul him onto the long dinner table that doubles as an examination table in a pinch. Your hands move on their own as they grab what you need: shears and cloths, first aid kits, bandages, medicine, water, and alcohol. You firmly tell Vash to sit down on the stool in the corner and not get in your way. You feel bad for being so stern with him, especially since he is injured too, but the man on the table is already playing dice with death.

You get to work quickly, knowing that every second counts. You remove the tattered clothing and assess the extent of his injuries. You're surprised he still has life left in him with the amount of blood he must have lost, chunks of his body apparently missing, gashes, and cracks covering his skin. You do as much as you can, focusing on the larger wounds first, knowing that time is of the essence in saving him. To your surprise, he doesn't bleed nearly as much as you think he should, given the severity of his situation. You roughly stitch him up and pull a few bullets from his flesh. His internal organs seem in good enough condition, and you're glad you don't have to operate on them further. As you work away, the wing on his back crumbles; the chunks feel strange, and you can't begin to guess the material, but you don't have a chance to analyze it either. By the time you are done, the wing is gone, leaving a chunky heap on the ground, almost like sand. You clean his body with water and alcohol before checking his skeleton and joints. There are no broken bones, but the right shoulder is dislocated. You take care to pull it back into place with a snap, and you continue to examine him. Much of his skin is cracked; it looks strange, and you can't begin to guess what caused it.

After hours of grueling work, you administer him medicine to hopefully avoid infection, another dose of strong painkillers, and some saline to help with his recovery. You lift his head carefully as you smear the gooey concoction on his gums for a longer lasting effect. To be doubly safe, you inject more drugs directly into his bloodstream and lather the wounds with ointment to help them heal. Wrapping him in bandages takes a lot from you too, especially since you can't accept Vash's offer to help since he is still dirty. By the end, your patient is almost entirely covered in bandages but still breathing. You throw a clean blanket over him and a pillow under his head, too worried to move him off the table onto the bed. It will have to wait, perhaps if he survives until dawn. But the chances of him making it through the night seem slim.

"Right." You let out a deep sigh. You can finally shift your attention from the dying man to Vash. You are deep into the night, pushing the morning hours, with dark circles forming under your eyes, but there is no rest for you yet. You turn towards the man in the chair; he looks like hell. You have never seen him look this bad before, and last time, he was the one whose life was dripping from his body on this table. Tears have carved deep lines into his dust, ash, and blood covered cheeks. There is an unusual mix of emotions on his face, but worry burns the brightest.

"It's your turn now," you say to Vash, catching his attention. His gaze lifts from the floor, and for a moment, it seems like he didn't hear you at all. You just continue, getting a washbasin, cloth and a jug of water ready. "You can use these to clean up; I'll help you with any spots you can't reach in a bit; I'll clean this mess up first."

"Will he survive? Will he be alright?" he asks instead, ignoring your comment completely.

"I do not know. I tried my best. The rest is up to him and fate itself. Whether he makes it or not is out of my hands." You look at him sympathetically. "Hopefully dawn will bring good news," you say softly.

As you pick up your bloody tools and cloths, you hear Vash stand up, but instead of walking towards the counter where the washing supplies are, his steps lead away, towards the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" you ask resolutely, a nip in your voice. He pauses in silence for a moment.

"I must go. I have some things to take care of still," he answers, a note of guilt present in his tone.

"You will clean up, have me patch you up, and take a nap before you can think about leaving. Doctor's orders!" Your words are commanding, leaving no room for argument. You're both tired; he looks awful, and you almost sway on your feet. But your work is not yet done.

Vash stands quietly for a moment longer before turning back and stripping a few layers of his tattered clothing. Exposing the bruises and wounds covering his body. He struggles a little with the setup at hand, using the reflection of your window to try and see where he has to reach. At the same time, you clean up the mess you made while working on your patient. You wipe the surfaces and wash the tools, and finally, you can discard the bloody robe, mask, and gloves.

You help Vash wash away the dirt from any spots he can't reach and have him sit on the chair in his underwear. You stick a cup of warm tea in his hand and down a strong coffee yourself before washing your face with cold water to wake up again. After that, you set everything up to stitch him back together and get to work. You examine him thoroughly and give him pain medication before getting the needle out. His body is tense and his pulse is still high; he has yet to calm down.

"Is he your brother? Even under all that bruising and swelling, I can tell the similarities." You speak softly to him to get his mind off the things that are hurting him at the moment.

"Yes, my twin," Vash replies, his voice hoarse and filled with pain.

"I didn't even know you had a twin. What's his name?" You continue as you tie together another suture.

"Knives."

"That's an interesting name," you say with little emotion in your tone, most of your attention going into taking care of his wounds. A stray thought of the wings crosses your mind; Vash has lost his too in the time your focus was on his brother. There is clearly something weird going on, but for now you are too tired to ask the relevant questions, and you need Vash to relax.

"I guess…" His voice trails off, and you can see him staring at the unconscious body on the table.

You keep talking as you work on him, stitching, disinfecting, and bandaging the larger cuts one by one. You give him a checkup and pain medication, and as you take his pulse, it is normal again. You are relieved; he seems to be stable and doing alright despite the way he looks. You provide him with some loose clothing you have laying around just in case and make him get in the bed you have in the other room to rest and recover for the night. He is hesitant, but the tiredness in his eyes tells you that he needs the rest.

"I will stay up with your brother; I will check on him, and I promise I will wake you up if there are any issues. Sleep. You need it." You assure him as you throw a cooling blanket on him before turning off the light and leaving the room. "Rest easy; everything will be alright now."

You return to the patient on the table and check his vitals again. You take his pulse and check his light blue eyes. His breathing has returned to normal, and he looks to be doing better, but as you press your hand on his forehead, you feel the developing fever. You know that this could be a sign of infection, and it makes you slightly nervous. His jet black hair feels damp as your hand glides over it, and you notice that his skin is sticky to the touch. However, you try to remain calm and decide to check again soon and keep a close eye on him.

To keep yourself from falling asleep, you keep yourself busy with whatever tasks you find. You clean up your kitchen from everything, organize your cabinets, and even clean Vash's clothes and hang them to dry outside. Dawn comes, but nothing changes; the slight fever still lingers, and Vash is asleep. You mix up some sugar water and carefully drip a few drops into Knives's mouth. He swallows painfully, and you continue administering him the water for a few hours. You're losing the battle with your exhaustion, so you make yourself a cup of coffee again, letting it steep while checking on the wounds. They look good, and it almost appears like they've started to heal a little. You write it off as your own delusion. The rising suns cast their hot light on the desert, and Vash's clothes dry in no time. You pick them up and get to sewing the dark shirt and his pants; the red coat is mostly gone, burned, and torn.

You realize that it has been a while since your last meal, as you even missed yesterday's dinner. You get to cooking up some porridge after leaving Vash's clothes in the other room and making sure from afar that he is still breathing. Every quarter hour, you return to the man on the table, check on him, and give him some water and medicine if necessary. Nothing has changed, neither for the better nor for the worse, and you are grateful for that, counting your blessings as you remind yourself of the condition he arrived in.

Another hour passes as Vash appears in the door-frame, his eyes first falling on his brother before moving to you. He looks better; he is still covered in bandages and bruises, but the wary tiredness is gone from his eyes. He wears the clothes you mended for him, and his expression softens as he takes in the sight of you checking the pulse of your patient.

"Good morning," you tell him with a slight smile. "I made some food, but it's probably cold by now. Feel free to take as much as you want. Your brother is doing alright; he has a slight fever, but it hasn't gotten worse. The wounds look good, and I've given him water and medicine. For now, it's okay; he is not out of the woods, but he's getting there."

"Morning," Vash says as he walks closer to you. He doesn't say much; there is an unexplainable expression on his face as he pulls you into a one armed yet crushing bear hug. You feel his breathing get more ragged as he holds you; he repeats seemingly endless "thank you"s until you feel tears soaking your shirt. He finally lets you go, holding your shoulder and looking you in the eyes, tears and snot running down his face.

"You're welcome, but don't get too carried away, okay? I cannot promise you anything other than that I will try to get him back to full health; it doesn't mean it will happen." You try to calm him down again, reaching for a tissue to hand him. "Now eat; I will check your wounds again after that."

And so it goes. Vash eats his fill, dragging his chair a bit closer to the table but not quite next to it, as you gave him a stern look, worried for any contamination. He finishes his meal quickly, eager to have his wounds checked, as if he is in a hurry. Luckily, they look fine, and you lather him in ointment and cover everything with fresh bandages, relieved that he is okay.

"You said you had some business to attend to. Is that why you are vibrating on this chair?" You ask calmly, checking the strange cracks in his skin on his cheek.

"Well, I have to go. I promise I will be back as soon as I can—just a few days at most. I am sorry to just dump him on you, but I beg you. I only go to keep both of you safe." His sky blue eyes try to track your movement the best they can as you put a bandage on him.

"It's alright; I'll take care of him. I doubt he will regain consciousness anytime soon. I can only hope he won't get worse." You take a step back, happy with your handiwork, as nothing is bleeding. It's the best you can do for Vash right now.

"I will forever be in your debt. Thank you for everything. I will pay you once I get back, I swear." His eyes look pleadingly at you as he gets up from the chair.

"I believe you; don't worry about that." You smile, recognizing the honor in his face.

Vash gives you a nod and goes closer to his brother. He says something quietly to him, and you don't quite pick up any of the words. With that, Vash turns and walks to the front door, and you follow.

"Thank you again," he says to you tenderly, and then more loudly over the whole house: "Get better soon, brother!"

You watch as Vash steps outside, heading into the desert. Only a little while later, you figure out he has nothing with him but the clothes on his back and the gun on his leg. No water, no food, no shelter—nothing. You turn and see what's left of the red coat on the chair, now realizing you must really be out of it to not notice it sooner. But it's too late to go after him now; all you can do is hope that he has a plan.

Yapping | Next »

You can check out the Apple Blossoms Masterlist for more info.

Did you like this? Go check out my MASTERLIST and drop a follow for any and all future projects!

[grimbeak]

honestly i really didn't like the 14 doctor david tenant reveal (not in terms of story, i did like the reasons he came back as that doctor and the stories and transition to the new show and his retirement arc, i don't think it would have worked as well with any other doctor) but in terms of saying goodbye to 13. the first female (Well. simplifying 13 as female here for cohesion because imo 13 is very Not Female) Doctor, who already had a ton of controversy (some plain sexism, some judging on the writing/acting quality, lots thinking they're judging the writing/acting quality while actually just being sexist, etc.) around her and her seasons, and instead of having her regeneration honor her whole run as a character (what all the past nuwho regens (haven't seen classic yet so 🤷‍♂️) have done) and be a bittersweet goodbye to her and an introduction to a completely new, completely original version of The Doctor...

...it was immediately all overshadowed by The Doctor with arguably the largest and most passionate fanbase, who had 3 seasons with 3 different companions, an assload of specials, and Keeps Showing Back Up in the main show.

and i don't think it was intended that way. i try to see the best in people and their intentions, and i don't think rtd intended the 14 doctor reveal to completely overshadow 13's goodbye. i think he was just as excited for 14 as the tennant fangirls were, and they were the main ones he was aiming for when writing it. i don't think he intended to be disrespectful to 13 or jodie in any way, but that honestly doesn't help the situation.

it doesn't change the fact that 13's goodbye was completely overshadowed by everyone's favorite male (well. simplifying again) Doctor. it didn't bring about the sadness of a goodbye into the uncertainty of who this new Doctor is and if you'll like them or not. it's just the 10th doctor. i know the 10th doctor. you know the 10th doctor. everyone knows the 10th doctor. wasn't the 10th doctor's ending sad? doesn't he deserve another go? oh, and what about donna, you love donna! here's donna again, she's happy too, here's the second black woman i've named rose, you like that reference right? she's trans because we're woke now. here we'll tell you her deadname even though we literally don't need to at all. hey look at that it's david tennant! david tennant! hooray! oh, don't worry, david tennant won't die this time, now there are two Doctors so we can make david tennant come back whenever. we. want.

13 who?

it's not that i don't like david. i think he's a good actor and i don't have any problems with him showing up anywhere. unfortunately he's becoming the chris pratt/jack black of doctor who. the point of regeneration is that it's an ending for that character, not in terms of audios/books but in the main story, unless they come back for a single special/later episode.

the 10th doctor is just always here. the tragedy of his original regeneration is lost in the fact that the writers like him so much that he could make him show up at literally any time with very little backlash.

and it's not just the fact that it's david tenant that bothers me (it would have bothered me if it had been any of the past doctors, but the fact that it's the most popular one is like they just kicked 13 to the curb), it's mostly how 13's regeneration goes. partially because there's no slow lead up to the face reveal, it's just. there. it's david tennant. the instant one worked with 11-12, but we didn't know what capaldi's Doctor was going to be like yet. with david, it's just Ten But He Can Talk About Feelings Now.

mostly it's because of the clothes. he doesn't stay in 13's clothes. we don't get to see him explore himself through picking an outfit we don't say a final goodbye to 13's seasons through an outfit change we don't get an introduction though fashion. it's just instant. and i think the intention was to make it even more david tennanty to drive up hype, and since 15 gets some of 14's clothes, i think it shows that 14 is a temporary, transitional Doctor.

let's segway for a moment.

i heard about the 13th doctor being played by a woman from my mom, and i think we were in the middle of 11's era at the time. i (female at the time) was super excited, because it opened a whole realm of possibilities— young girls would get to see someone like them being amazing on screen, and my mom and i both agreed that it was awesome that 13 was going to be a woman and that the people freaking out over it were being dumb and sexist, because of course the Doctor can be a woman, the Doctor can be whatever they want. when we finally watched 13, we both loved that her outfit wasn't something like a dress— it wasn't a suit (though we did get that thank god) but it wasn't anything "girly" either. the shirt was almost a rainbow but nothing about it was explicitly feminine. and she didn't change out of 12's suit because it was too boyish, she changed because A: that's what the Doctor does when they regenerate, and B: she fell from the sky through the roof of a train and it was a bit destroyed after that. while 13's outfit isn't super masculine, it also isn't very girly either. it looks more like she went for physical comfort than anything else.

back to 14.

the fourteenth doctor does not get to wear 13's clothes. his clothes regenerate with him. he is immediately wearing clothes that are much more reminiscent of the 10 doctors. this was intended to just add to the surprise and sudden joy of the 14 doctor being tennant, but to me?

it reads so much more like the 14th doctor wasn't allowed to wear 13's clothes, because the 13th doctor was a girl, and boys can't wear girls clothes.

it's just. disrespectful. changing clothes post-regeneration is a vitally important moment for all of the Doctors, and making 14's clothes regenerate with him really makes it feel like they didn't care about 13 at all after she regenerated. they don't even come up with a fucking explanation as to why he isn't wearing 13's clothes. he just isn't. because the 10th doctor is back, and he absolutely didn't wear girl clothes like 13 did, so instead of wasting time having a final goodbye to her, let's just put him in the "right" clothes for him to wear automatically. 13's not important anymore, not at all. the Doctor is david tennant now, and we all love david tennant. we're starting a new doctor who show after this, so we HAVE to use david tennant as a transitional doctor. the new series is going to be more diverse, so here's the 10th 14th doctor getting corrected on pronouns. look, he likes men now! look, the next doctor is black! don't worry, david tennant is still here. david tennant will always be here. david tennant was the last canonical doctor of the first reboot and we need you to remember that. david tennant is the doctor. david tennant is the doctor. david tennant is the doctor. 13 who?

[anotherwatchedninja]

I feel like people forget Time Lords are the same person across every incarnation.

like, ‘14’ even says that it’s not dying. Same memories, same thoughts about people, sometimes expressing something they can’t, not being able to say something they used to.

Think back to you 10 years ago.

You're probably a very different person now compared to then, but you're also not at the same time.

You probably talk differently now, you see the world differently, you might believe different things.

When The Doctor regenerates, that's the level of change that is done but in a few seconds instead of a decade.

Fundamentally you’re still the same person, and you’ve probably retained most of your core beliefs and interests, but you’ve also grown and learnt more about the world; altering many of your less integral values, and even possibly some of you more integral ones.

you could attribute it to a line from one of the novelisations, where the doctor attributes his lack of control over regeneration (and as we can imply, how bad of a post-regen situation he has) is because he didn’t pay enough attention in regeneration lessons.

I think for the Doctor it's like if you woke up and were suddenly 8 again, with all your 8-year-old impulses and personality and likes/dislikes, but your current memories.

The Doctor is always the Doctor. There's no "2nd Doctor" or "10th Doctor" or "14th Doctor." they're all the same person. Just because someone gets clobbered on the head and wakes up from the resulting brain damage knowing fluent German doesn't mean they disappeared and a new person took their place. His brain gets a shake-up, and his appearance changes, but it's still the same person all together.

I think all the media hype about the actors playing the role, and this weird regeneration for the 60th, kind of make it hard to remember that. For the Doctor, it's one continuous line of consciousness. 10 didn't die and wake up again with 13's memories, because there is no 10, there is no 13, there is only The Doctor. We number their faces but they're one person.

And it's confirmed by what he said immediately after the regeneration. He didn't say, "I'm alive!" or "How did I get here?" or something along those lines. He said, "I know these teeth." He realises that he's reverted to an earlier form, but he hasn't forgotten the intervening forms.

It seems to change not just from writer to writer, but Doctor to Doctor. 9 didn't seem to think of his 'death' as the end by any stretch. 10 considered them different people that shared memories, while 11 seemed to see more continuity and connection from incarnation to incarnation. 12 similarly was refusing to regenerate because he wanted to end it, a pointless position unless he saw 'the next Doctor' as still being him. 13 seemed to lean more towards the individual incarnation view, as she felt in necessary to say goodbye to Yaz.

And this is just the Doctor, a single Time Lord. We've seen extremes from literal dissociation from incarnation to incarnation with the One through Union (aka the collective, but that’s due to their condition), to Romana trying on new faces line a human would a new outfit, or how the monk tries to act like their past selves are different people to shift the blame and get away free from the consequences, or how six was post-regen

I just really don't like the idea of them being separate people, which unfortunately does seem to be RTD's interpretation from 10's line of regeneration feeling like dying, and a new man sauntering away. To me that devalues the idea of the Doctor being the same person from 1963 until today. They're the same person, who have been through the events of every single episode, and remember them and all the companions there travelled with.

If they were different people, them meeting former companions just doesn't have the same weight either. 10 for example becomes someone who just knows of Sarah Jane instead of being the same person who travelled with her.

But that doesn't mean it can't still be confusing when an old face returns. It's something that's never happened to the Doctor before, and perhaps it's something that he's never heard of happening to other Timelords either. So when it does happen he's very confused because he immediately knows who this new version of himself is, instead of having to go through the usual self discovery at the start of each incarnation.

I remember from an audio story (I think Sirens of Time), one of the Doctors (i say DOCTORS because time travel) said something along the lines of this: Take every trait of their personality is like a bar graph. Kindness, courage, alienness, anger threshold, etc. each have their own bar on the graph. Each regeneration is essentially the same personality but the bars could be altered with some traits more emphasized in a new face than the previous one.

Some examples of what I mean.

10 and 11 are examples of the alienness trait being skewed in opposite directions, where I feel Smith is more alien-like in his physical behavior than Tennant is. 12 and 13 still have this trait but it’s viewed more subtly through social interactions.

6 and 12 were less on the kindness scale but increased over time. 10, 11, and 13 seemed to have that kindness trait more emphasized.

Anger threshold /emotional control can get thrown multiple ways if a respective Doctor is impulsive and expressive vs bottling it up and letting it simmer. I feel like there are many examples to pull from off this alone.

There could be more obvious ones I’m missing but these spring to mind. I do like this interpretation since it lets you know it’s the same person but just aspects can be more emphasized than others across their different incarnations.

I like to think it’s just the same person at different points in their life - hell, we aren’t the same person at 18 that we are in our 30’s, or even the same person we are in our 40’s that we were at 30.

Life changes you, sometimes you’re goofy, sometimes you’re callow, and sometimes you’re stern. In DW terminology: you’re a quirky thief, then a person who has to kill everything they know, and then you become a person capable of finding some solace in life… then to a whole new person.

From the doctor’s point of view I believe they think they are the same person, they don’t differentiate between selves. Think of 12 near his start when 11 phoned Clara, he says he didn’t need to eavesdrop because it was him talking and that she looks at him but can’t see him.

Now this doesn’t mean the doctor doesn’t remember the traits each regeneration has, and this can manifest in their subconscious as talking to their different regenerations; but that’s no different than you talking to yourself in your head.

like, it’s even implied 14 will eventually become 15

[picnokinesis]

plottier / character focused thirteenth doctor fic recs

Ipseity by WalkerLister (43k, 10 chapters, gen) summary: Eight months since the Doctor sacrificed herself on Gallifrey, and Yasmin Khan is still struggling to move on. However, when she comes across a familiar face who is not acting like herself, Yaz may finally get the answers she has been looking for surrounding the Doctor. However, those answers will be revealed in a way a bit more dangerous than she had been anticipating. //Okay, so no one is surprised that I like the amnesiac!divisioned!13 fic, but in my defence, it's absolutely fabulous. This one was written waaaaay back in mid-2020, so we all knew that 13 was in prison and everyone was pretty sure that Jack was coming back due to some bts detective work, but that was about it - so, for obvious reasons, it doesn't align with ROTD, but it's such a fun one, guys, I love it a lot. Also, y'know, thirteen in a leather jacket and snarling at people? What more could you want?

don't have to make it to the moon by Ymae (28k, 7 chapters, gen/thoschei) summary: After New Year's, Ryan decides to stay traveling in the TARDIS for another little while. Only, the Doctor's rarely alright, and between experiencing the wonders of the universe, Ryan wants to figure out what's happening to his friend, too. //I love Ryan so much. He's such a wonderful character and I always love it when fics focus on him, or have him as the pov character. Unfortunately, fics like that are a bit few and far between, but this is one of them, and it's absolutely fantastic. It really delves into his character, but also his dynamic with the Doctor (especially after he talks to her in ROTD and she admits that she's scared and angry), and it's just auuuuuuugh so good!! And, it's also go some great whump and psychic content, with the Master showing up to cause trouble, alongside some gorgeous world-building, so I enjoy it very very much.

Ghost War by riptheh (25k, 1 chapter, gen) summary: All the Doctor wants to do is pass the time, and help a friendly face. So when a young man with a strange tattoo and a psychic wound shows up, she dives right into the mystery - and finds herself flung far into the future, mindwiped and alone, fighting a war that by all rights, shouldn't exist at all. A war she could help end, if only she could figure out who she is. //Oof, this one. It's absolutely stunning. This author really has a way of taking some absolutely fascinating and mind-bending concepts and just running with it, and just nails it each time. I feel like the less I say about the plot of this one, the better, because it sort of unfolds as you go, but please just trust me when I say that it's absolutely fantastic.

Lifelines by Sue_Denham (40k, 11 chapters, gen, wip) summary: Lifeline: a thing on which someone or something depends, or which provides a means of escape from a difficult situation. Set just after the events of Spyfall, the Doctor has a few things to work through. //Okay this fic is one of my favourites that's been posting over the last year or so - it's a brilliant exploration of Graham and Thirteen, and how different races deal with loss, guilt and death. I honestly think the best kind of sci fi takes concepts that we sort of take for granted, and then shows them in a completely new light. That's what this fic does. Also, Graham is just wonderful for the entire thing - though, as a note, Yaz and Ryan do end up somewhat side-lined, so bear that in mind if you're particularly looking for fics about those two, but I forgive it because it's such a great look at Graham and the Doctor. It feels like a character focused tie-in novel, y'know? Also it's pretty angsty in places, naturally, but that's what I'm here for haha.

Disordered by Echo (44k, 7 chapters, jack/13) summary: Messing with memories is always a risky business. Messing with your own memories, now that's just asking for trouble. The Doctor is very good at asking for trouble. And Jack is very good at finding it. //Ohhhhh okay so. This has been one of my absolute favourite Doctor Who fics for a long while. Definitely the shippiest of this list, but it's so lovely and such an excellent look at the Doctor facing the consequences of trying to get back her Division memories in the aftermath of s12, as well as the relationship between the Doctor and Jack across multiple regenerations. It's just so so good, flowing smoothly from very angsty to very soft, and the Doctor and Jack's voices are just spot on (especially considering that we see different versions of the Doctor, this is a particularly impressive note). Highly recommend!

The Trial of the Doctor by wreckageofstars (20k, 5 chapters, gen/thasmin, wip) summary: Haven is a planet at the edge of time, on the brink of destruction. Ravaged by the Time Lords and a war that time forgot, its people are desperate for justice before it’s too late, and the Doctor might be the only being left in the universe who can provide it — because she was the one who started it. So why can't she remember doing it? //Okay okay so, this one has only recently started posting but I've known about it since about 2020 and ohhhhhhhhhhh my goodness, GUYS. If you're not following this one, you need to be. It's a mix between Doctor Who at it's finest, Kafka at it's most unsettling, and Douglas Adams at it's most absurd, and it's delightful. There's so much in this one, and as always this author is just spot on with all the characterisation - especially Thirteen, who suddenly finds herself being prosecuted for a crime that she can't remember, and is forced into a situation where she's physically incapable of telling a lie. It. Is. Marvellous. Also there's a cockroach lawyer, whom I adore HAHA

lighthouse keeper by BlueLillyBlue (57k, 12 chapters, gen) summary: The Doctor is missing, and the fam is concerned. Featuring Yaz being a badass, Ryan being a cutie, Graham being a granddad, Jack being Jack, and the Doctor's complicated moral code. Also: space prisons, galactic war, the Doctor's time war trauma, the Doctor caring about people in her own weird and repressive way, and, most importantly, Thirteen wearing Jack's coat. //Oh, this one is such a favourite of mine. It's very angsty, so if that's not your schtick then - well, then you're kinda scuppered for all of my recs, to be honest, but this one is a bit on the dark side. Oh, but it's fantastic. Again, this one feels like a tie-in novel, and this author (as I think I've said before) is just incredible at crafting these very vivid worlds and really hard-hitting stories. The situation is pretty dire and desperate, and the Doctor is often faced with the fact that not every plan works out, and sometimes the only choices are bad ones. It's just really excellent guys (also! Thirteen in Jack's coat!!)

angel ellipsis by SleepyMaddy (36k, 8 chapters, gen/thoschei) summary: When the Doctor and Yaz find a planet in ruins, they’re only half surprised to discover the Master is responsible. But when his plan backfires, suddenly they have no choice but to work with him to stop his former allies from tearing the universe apart. It goes about as well as one might expect. //OKAY SO. This one is SO much fun and SO great - in particular, if you like the Master being a tricky bastard, but also getting screwed over by his own plans? You'll love this one. Everything about it is so vibrant and brilliant, and aaaaaahh man it all comes together in such a satisfying way. As with many of the authors on this list, this author just really gets these characters and how they tick, with some absolutely beautiful prose, and it's just such a joy to read.

nothing in the dark that isn't there in the light by river_of_words (6k, 1 chapter, thasmin) summary: Two weeks since Yaz got the most confusing rejection she ever hopes to get and the Doctor seems to have decided to blame Yaz for every single one of her furiously conflicting emotions. At this point she’s sort of asking to get hit. And at this point Yaz is sort of curious to find out what the Doctor is going to say that’s going to make her meet that request. //These next two fics are a lot shorter compared to the others, but I really wanted to include both of them because they're great and SO interesting to me. With this one, it digs into the Doctor and Yaz's relationship in the aftermath of LOTSD, and the ways that the Doctor does not actually talk about anything but does also tell Yaz more than anyone else. It's about the frustration that builds between them and the way that they're still finding more comfort in each other than anyone else. It's also a little feral, which as a thoschei shipper, definitely had a lot to do with why I liked this one haha. Anyway, it's really fantastic - really quick paced and emotional, and packing a LOT of punches with mostly dialogue in a very effective way. Go read it!

we'll do it right by daring_elm (3k, 1 chapter, gen) summary: She's never really noticed Yaz's perfume before. Shoulders relaxing, nausea subsiding, the Doctor inhales again, filling her lungs with jasmine and sandalwood, steel and glowing crystals and her box out of time. She can be back with Yaz within minutes of her leaving. She can save the child, change the foundation of Gallifrey and still return to have a picnic on Soria T4.  //Okay so I loooove love love this one because I just adore it any time someone explores the Doctor's reaction to the Timeless Child stuff after the fact, and this one is just so wonderful. The characterisation is just fantastic, and then just the progressive spiral of the plot as we follow the Doctor on a mission that is doomed to fail by the nature of her own timeline. It's about how by trying to change the past, all you do is mess up your present and your future, and I love that a lot. Augh, it's a gut punch and a half - highly recommended!

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Okay I was too tired last night for coherent thought but I’m now here with some assorted bullet points after watching dr who e6: Rogue

SPOILERS AHEAD

Overall I really enjoyed this episode! I thought the pacing was good, it was typical Doctor Who style and very enjoyable, I liked that we got time with both Ruby and the Doctor separately as well as together, I have a couple of thoughts but I just really want to say that overall I loved this episode

Theory based on the theory (I’m sorry I don’t know who first said it I’ve seen it a lot) that Devil’s Chord was moved: This was supposed to episode 2 - Flashback to Ruby’s mum when she ‘died’ that we didn’t get when died in Boom, one of her pieces of evidence that it was her was ‘we met space babies’ but no reference to other adventures, it would make the timing match up (she can’t remember whether it’s June or July back home), the stakes are less visibly high, other than Susan Twist there was no real reference to the overarching story arc (no snow, no One Who Waits, no pantheon references, etc) as is common with early episodes, we had more focus on the Doctor himself than we’ve really had so far and we actually got to understand, I felt at least, more about him as a character which again would usually be set up earlier on idk

Do you understand how relieved (and excited) I was when they started actually acknowledging Susan Twist, and of the same vein as I was when I saw the teaser for next week??? Absolutely buzzing, and also I was starting to think I was going mad looking for connections that didn’t exist so whooo

I thought Rogue was a really good character, I thought they were definitely trying to set something up for him to the Captain Jack archetype character (if that makes sense? I hope I’ve worded that right) and although I saw it coming for him to sacrifice himself for Ruby I don’t think that’s going to be the last of him - even if we see him at a different part of his timeline instead of his future. That could also be really interesting if the partner he lost was in fact in a romantic relationship with him and we have to see the Doctor contend with that, I can’t remember whether they stated the nature of their relationship or not but I don’t think they did so that could leave some options open to explore. I did feel that the Doctor and Rogue were a little bit rushed but overall really liked the set up of the relationship, I only found it slightly jarring when 13 was so broken up over the impossibility of letting herself fall in love with Yaz but I also think that different incarnations tend to approach their relationships differently so for me it wasn’t so much an issue as just a noticeable thing I guess

Speaking of noticeable things, IT WAS MODERN MUSIC??? I heard Bad Guy by Billie Eilish and Poker Face by Lady Gaga but there may have been others I didn’t recognise/pick up on. This was very very very suspicious to me, and other than a few episodes I haven’t watched Bridgerton but isn’t that what they do in Bridgerton??? Classical instrumentals of modern music??? Very suspicious

Also, the shapeshifters (chuldrur? Sorry I can’t remember it exactly) referred to themselves as cosplaying and that really caught me out I thought it was odd

I didn’t feel like the the rules of the trap were quite well established enough in that it wasn’t very clear to me how Rogue could so easily throw Ruby out of the trap when she couldn’t move; I assume it was because the capacity remained at 6 but idk I just felt like we could have had a clearer understanding of how it worked for the purpose of that set up

Ruby’s pretence was interesting, it made me think of Clara in Deep Breath a little bit but because of the perspective the stakes felt quite different. I did think it was weird that everyone else stopped cosplaying for the wedding and she was just there looking like herself because it made her stick out and also if the wedding is their finale to the game why wouldn’t they want to be in character?

ALSO it once again all links back to story whenever we are with Ruby and I think that’s fascinating, especially as a character who has died and been brought back, ‘died’, or had her history changed and rewritten in almost every episode so far

On that point -> Dungeons and Dragons!! Effectively what the shapeshifters felt they were doing as their game, and such an interesting link when there are so many questions left unanswered about Rogue ooo I’m excited

Okay I may be back with more but I think that’s all for now, very excited for next week’s episode, thanks for reading my ramblings I hope they were at least vaguely interesting <3

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: สามเราต้องรอด / 3 Will Be Free.

3 Will Be Free is a 2019 bisexual Thai thriller about a complicated and extremely sexy trio on the run because they've been accused of some crimes they mildly to moderately very much did commit.

If you love an earnest and often frankly absurd revenge drama with smokin' hot people from across the gender spectrum who like to kiss other people from across the gender spectrum, then strap in, buddy, because this is just what a certain kind of doctor ordered. It's a blockbuster concept on a street-food budget. Its greatest joy is finding flimsy excuses to take off its male characters' shirts.

One of the best things the show has going for it is that it's a relatively quick bite -- ten fast-paced, 50-minute episodes, long enough to tell the story, but short enough that it doesn't overstay its welcome. If I've caught your attention, keep on reading for a somewhat brief five reasons you might have a good time here.

1. Hope you're horny...ish

I feel this is obvious but still worth saying: All three of the main characters are stupidly hot. They are, left to right in the photo below, a very tall bisexual boy, a fairly short ostensibly straight girl, and a regular-sized gay boy. Two of them are sex workers who know exactly how sexy they are, and the third is a complete virgin.

The tall boy is Neo, a sexy club dancer whose initial character brief was clearly "bisexual Magic Mike." The girl in the middle is Miw, a sexy club host who is a bitch and I love her so much. The gay boy in glasses is Shin, a sexy art weenie who has disappointed his mafioso father for many reasons (though being gay is not among them!).

And yes, they all hook up. I know sometimes with me, it's hard to tell because I talk about things like they're textually gay when they aren't actually, but these three hook up canonically, onscreen, and it's hot.

And yet -- and this is going to sound so weird, but go with me on it -- it's not very salacious, as horniness goes. Like, someone's pretty much always sitting there consumed by lust, but onscreen you don't get to see as much as a butt crack. It's kind of PG-13 horniness, perfect for people who are cool with the idea of sex, but not into seeing it. It's basically the radio edit of a much steamier show. You could have aired this on USA in the '90s, right after Silk Stalkings, and it would have fit right in. It's Kidz Bop Kinnporsche.

I should note that I don't think the show's choice of slightly coy tone is necessarily a good or a bad thing. It is, however, something you should know about before going in, in part because the promotional material definitely implies something far pornier than what you're actually going to get out of watching it. But if you like looking at sexy people and then having imagination adventures about the parts you didn't get to see, this is a can't-miss experience.

2. Mae, my beloved

Mae has done exactly one thing wrong in her life, and that is her hairstyle. Your face was not made for those bangs, baby, to say nothing of whatever you think you're doing with that little topknot. Grow those out, brush it all back, and it'll be perfect.

Mae has the most complex character arc of anyone in this series. When you meet her, she's a mild-mannered waitress saving up for bottom surgery and dating a kind and loving thug who's going to do one more job before he gets out of the thug game for good, so you know that's going to go real well for her.

I love that the show knows exactly how loveable she is. Two different hot guys fall for her, and you know exactly why!

3 Will Be Free has some incredible moments of tonal mismatch, where the fairly uncomplicated action narrative of the main getaway plot suddenly slips and reveals something almost profound. My wife made the very astute comment that whenever one of Mae's scenes starts, it's like the show has cut away from Fun Action Television Time! to a (slightly less bizarre) season of Fargo. The moments and conversations she has with her boys are intense and often heartbreaking, which is a big part of one of the unexpected features of the show...

3. When it's good it's weirdly great

It is at this point I am going to talk about episode 5.

This episode kind of knocked me on my ass. It's almost like they ported it over from a different, better show. It slows down and does some backstory for Neo and Shin, which means that we get a long stretch where no one is shooting or fleeing or doing crime. It's just two people getting their footing around one another while posing nude for an art class, semi-crashing a bachelorette party, running into old flames at a restaurant, and playing badminton.

And it is the episode that, hands-down, gets the best acting out of those two goobers.

They are not bad actors! They are actually quite good at their craft! I've never seen them in anything else, but people who have seem to enjoy their work! It's just that this drama is, by and large ... well, I'm not going to call it badly written, especially since I'm consuming it via somewhat roughly translated subtitles, which puts me in no place to judge. It's just not especially meaty, as far as the material goes. It's mostly lot of panic! and bad feelings! and misunderstandings! that add up to some artificially melodramatic moments.

Here, though, the drama demonstrates its ability to build some great dynamics between its characters, not just for a single scene, but for a whole episode. The boys get some room to just roll around in their characters, and I more than slightly suspect they got a chance to do some ad-libbing too. Nothing even really happens in the episode! And yet it makes you feel like everything that does happen matters.

When I got to this episode, my ears perked up! I was like, wait, is this show going to be Actually Good from now on? Am I going to have to start taking this junk-food series seriously? ...Well, no. As soon as this episode was over, the show settled back into what it had been before -- which, I hope I've made clear, is a whole lot of fun! But high-quality television, it ain't.

I joked at first that this episode must have been done by the second unit. But no, what I suspect actually happened is that this episode is much more the director's real speed. That'd also explain why all the quiet, tense moments with Mae are so good! This drama is an action series made by someone who comes across as way more comfortable setting the camera down and letting two people talk.

Or, you know, make eyes at one another from across the room.

You could probably just watch episode 5 by itself. Minus some foreknowledge you need from the main story, this episode would actually stand pretty well on its own as a little oneshot BL piece. But if you did that, of course, you'd miss...

4. My Little Miw Miw

Shout out to the beautiful and incredibly named Mild Lapassalan Jiravechsoontornkul for hands-down being the best actor in the whole cast.

...Which, unfortunately, is a bit of damning by faint praise, considering a lot of the cast sounds like they learned to act from a career of being side characters in gay porn. So let me be clear: She does a fantasic job, and in doing so, she makes Miw a real, solid, loveable character -- and that's important, because Miw is kind of the glue that holds the whole series together.

Having a character who's a bitch is tough! You have to write her so she inhabits a space between so bitchy that you actually find her offputting and so toothless that she's not fun anymore. Miw is just right in that sweet spot where she's definitely cruel, but you can also tell that being recreationally mean is just her home language. A lot of the time when she's around her boys, it's kind of that drag-queen mean, the verbal equivalent of slapping someone's ass hard enough to sting. Neo knows exactly what this is like, so he can have fun with it.

Shin does not, though, which makes his and Miw's relationship fascinating. He does not have any natural immunity to play-fighting, so he reads it all as real fighting. She's ready for them to wrestle and chomp one another on their way to friendship, while he's certain that this means she hates him forever. This is the leg of the OT3 triangle that is the weakest -- something the show acknowledges in so many words -- but it's still absolutely necessary.

Miw is frankly inspirational. She has been kicked in the teeth by life so many times, and yet she's still going. She's got that perfect cockroach motherfucker vibe, the kind that lets you know the girl has Seen Some Shit. But she has put on her big-girl panties and decided to just fucking deal with it, like the legend she is.

I suppose I'm especially grateful for Miw because of the number of trio-based things I've seen where there are two fully fleshed-out male characters who have rich internal lives and reasons for what they do, and then there's The Girl. Even if The Girl is cool in theory, in practice she's at best an accessory to the men's stories. You could replace her with a sexy lamp that said sassy things occasionally, and mostly you wouldn't notice the difference.

Neither, though, is Miw some superhuman Strong Female Character whose job is to be smarter and stronger than the boys at things (until, of course, the boys become smarter and stronger than she is). She's as out of her depth as Shin and Neo are. She does not have some special training. She just knows that she wants to survive, and she's willing to do whatever is necessary. She's done it before.

She's also just stupidly gorgeous. What a babe.

5. Diversity Win! This Local Mafia Kingpin Supports the LGBTQ+ Community!

One of the things that weirdly warmed my heart about the show was how it never went for homophobia or transphobia as a cheap villain characteristic. It would've been easy to jump to making the bad guys extra-nasty about the queer and trans characters, and that's never what happens.

This is perhaps most prominent in the case of Mafia Dad, Shin's father. He's the major antagonist of the series and an objectively bad father in many respects, but he completely absorbs the idea that his son is gay without blinking. He's even weirdly supportive!

There is a point near the end where someone says, almost verbatim, '[character] is at the transgender clinic with his transgender girlfriend!' and Mafia Dad's reponse is, 'Oh, so he's trying to live a normal life now, huh?' And we just cracked up, because, yeah, to this show? Normal life.

It's not a world where homophobia and transphobia don't exist. The show acknowledges that legal and medical things can be rough for gay and trans people, and there are of course a couple outright jerkfaces here and there. But on the whole, the main conflicts in the show are fairly agnostic on categories of gender and sexuality. Sleeping with the wrong person gets you in trouble no matter what your genital situations are!

It's a great example, too, of how the answer to bad representation is more representation. Neo has two trans/gender non-conforming neighbors (pictured above) who are there as sexualized fujoshi comic relief. If they were all the trans representation you got, then yeah, that might not be great. But they're two of several! So because they're not bearing the burden of being the show's entire commentary on trans existence, they're allowed to live the truth that trans people can be just as annoying as cis people are.

This is not to say that the show is a perfect queer utopian fantasy. It's more than a little hung up on cishet ideals. For all it tries to be very LOVE IS LOVE! about things, it can't quite escape an understanding of the world that will allow queer and genderqueer variations on bodies and relationships, but only so far as they mimic and do not challenge the supremacy of cisheteronormative standards. The director is openly gay and makes other gay media, but even that's sometimes not enough to break out of the tyranny of "normal."

It's also not a perfect polyamorous utopian fantasy either. The ending takes a kind of hard left into pushing pair-bonded relationships the true ideal happily ever after. How you feel about this is going to depend a lot on how you feel about a certain character who gets introduced in the back half of the show. It doesn't sink the OT3 ship by any means, so you don't have to worry. But it does get in the way of it, and that's all I'm going to say about that.

If that's all going to frustrate you, then yeah, that's going to frustrate you. (It did me!) But if you can roll with the fact that it's trying (and it is!), you can be charmed by how it's getting there. (Also me!)

Ready to jump in?

This YouTube playlist has you covered! All of the episodes are broken into four parts each based on commercial breaks, which comes in handy if you ever don't have time to sit through a full episode.

You may notice the playlist is longer than what's needed to cover a mere ten episodes. That's because the last hundred videos on the playlist are clips, trailers, and reaction videos -- so if you want to get an even better sense of what the show is like, well, there you go! Beware of spoilers, of course, both in the clips and in the thumbnails.

I will be the first to admit that I am probably cutting this show a lot of slack because I am starved for actual onscreen ongoing bisexual representation, where it's not just a boy who makes out with a few girls, then falls for another boy and never goes un-gay. Is it my ideal bisexual polyamorous love story? Oh, heavens no. But it's what we've got, and what we've got is fortunately pretty darn fun.

They're free now!

[frostyclove]

Starting a 13th Doc rewatch in honor of sunclair so i can write it accurately since ive only ever seen it all once. i will be obnoxiously high (because why not) one post per episode i think?? sorted by reblogs? that seems like a plan. hopefully 3 a day. as a prerequisite ; my opinion of the 13th doctor is essentially '10th doctor but more color' and i do generally think i like her more than 10. dan > ryan > graham > yaz - its nothing against yaz its entirely chibnall just being really solid at writing endearing old men; its his biggest writing strength. we shall see if any of this changes with the rewatch :) I write a lot. sorry in advance on the length

With that, onto The Woman Who Fell To Earth !

yall can never make me hate ryan the intro is actually so good

i, personally, do not think doctor who should look that pretty. the sky should not be that crisp i feel like i am looking at a microsoft computer picture thing. too pristine. but objectively absolutely stunning absolutely gorgeous. between the framing and the lighting and the color grade and how it looks on the costumes - the show looks very nice.

dynamics!! character building is already off to a great start and it was unpaused for like 3 seconds. also the way it cuts to the other shots - that was very pretty. again very film. but objectively very pretty.

i should note here that i should have done some homework and watched the 5th doctor era before this - for some reason i have an idea that it must be chibnalls biggest classic inspiration but ive never seen it so i cant provide citations for that. but its likely a thing i'll say as it goes on

lol just tosses the bike now okay - very nice characterization. but i myself am stuck worried thats gonna whack somebody on the way down

also like techincally is them siting on the rocks not considered character building like theyre all fucking crazy adventurous people. like adore them but omg thats scary as hell and theyre just chillin - perfect for the doctor !

well thats a completely different forest.

that is such a torchwood style moment and honestly there is a bit of a torchwood feel to all of 13s era and i do really enjoy that.

now i am american so i must say yaz's uniform looks utterly fake because in my mind the real one is the welsh one from torchwood. i know its a country or more specific of a difference. but the welsh one is the real one to me.

i know theres dicourse about the yaz of it all here. i dont remember what it is though. so ill say - im reading this as yaz first handling the thing, while also like very much having to fake the confidence in order to do it. like shes not comfy in it yet, but she can and she will. and then secondly her boss being a bit of prick. but like hes a cop why would i be mad about them having a cop act like a cop (a prick). idk.

ryan is incredibly funny and charismatic in this scene, yaz is less so but thats also a character point again its giving awkward and im enjoying that from her. also they both kinda go flat when they realize they know each other - so im fairly certain that was an intentional character choice as well. theyre like, acting like its a reunion. very natural to reality.

oh i strongly disliked the camera placement on that scene though

train! okay now the perfection of the shot looks better now because there enough shadow to make up for the lack of pixel lines. contrast is apparently a skill not being taught

disappointed in graham but we certainly are learning about the two of them and their personalities. in action no less!

lol not graham being immediately then whacked by the most possibly violent crash in the circumstances

well that just got absolutely horrifying maybe they are teaching contrast i see the plan now

alright - the music is very different. its not bad. its actually really good. its just really different. i feel as though im watching a 2015 creepypasta video. like i associate it with the deepest parts of fictional fear, but its also like, doctor who and the start of the episode so its almost out of place. although it is very torchwood!

lightning worms? i dont remember the villain being lightning worms

omg jodi looks so good wtf i forgot how good she looked in this ep why didnt we keep this wig

i cannot see. what is going on with this section

i love her "stay put" girlie you just showed up why would they do that also i think she just fully assumed they were already her companions there - 12 regenerated to clara and strax after all.

very monologue but practical and i think it works and ads that always begged for by fandom aspect of 'domesticness' assuming i even understand it (not sure i do i just see people complaining about its lack all the time idk what theyre on about tbh)

i love how like almost planned the doctor is. its like beat by beat performative its perfect. just the right amount of dramatic flair

if this is the only episode her bottom lashes have mascara then a fashion crime has been committed

chat im trying to be casual here but im actually in love with jodi whittaker wtf i forgot how much i did just love her embodying the character. like this outfit why couldnt we keep the coattttt

lolll they think shes absolutely bonkers i love it shes adorable

shes such a goof 'can we have the lights and sirens' babes what do you think ?

not doctor brain then translating for everyone else frankly thats improvement !! we love to see little growth moments between doctors. internalize those clara cards!

not the lesson on the importance of community hes trying to do the thing hes trying

shes literally glowing <3

'yeah i guess so' how can you NOT like ryan oh wait his poor phone

YOURE ALL MEAN TO THE GOOFBALL FOR WHY. BE NICE TO THE GOOFBALL. omg ryan get behind me ur getting the wally treatment welcome to the team

graham what the fuck not you too

TINKER FAIRY DOCTOR TINKER FAIRY DOCTOR

i love the doctor speech paired up with set dressings fitting for a serial killer lair. thats a beautiful touch

lol its actually so funny to think about earth being a proxy war location given how many proxy wars we have like honestly yeah uk or the us should kinda bear the brunt of those (obvs none actually should but its fiction guys its called ~dramatic irony~)

so sincerely what foundation is jodi wearing in this its amazing

the drunk guy was so unnecessary and yet also so funny

like the camera shouldnt be sooo good that i can clearly tell styrofoam when i see it. poor costume departments everywhere yall deserve better conditions (joking guys it just makes it annoying and difficult its not like a full on work hazard i know)

im gonna need some good fic recommendations i think. i kinda forgot how susceptible i am to big eyes as if thats not like the defining characteristic of my type omg the doctor absorbed clara's tricks

ooooh its a game i wonder if itll tie into any of the stuff from this season somehow/eventually idk just seeing the double game of it all

im so so sorry guys she just looks so much like kate beckett and i just realized this and now i also am thinking about her and now im just very distracted im certain the plot is plotting along but outside of the tim ice blue guy being a cheating loser theres not much plot going on for me to miss

talks a big game but then just lets them have it doctor why are you like this

this is why you be careful. because he is special. he is valued. because he is the trophy. for an alien species. be careful out there/j

every character death will be humanized. im noticing that is a recurring thing

i do think they were going for leaving the options open for a ryan yaz something and omg am i glad they did not but this part does feel like it was specifically for the just in case they did

ngl i hate the crane of it all. interesting for like a writing prompt but i do not enjoy it i dont think

you know i have some thoughts on graham right now and they arent good one

youtubing how to crane omg ryan the icon

okay i take it back jodi looks hot as hell on the crane its all worth it for that shot wow

this guy is honestly quite adorable ; reminds me of whittaker from the pitt funnily enough. sad hes probs gonna die

fucking ridiculous the doctor is what the fuck why are we doing crane parkour

yeah now you know how some of the companions felt doctor you do a lot of running and youre usually very tall

im not gonna talk about the one thing. im just not. i dont know. i just sad.

'sorting out fair play in the universe' awwww and then the giggle thats kinda cute actually a nice little thru line

so im not gonna talk about that either i have no postable thoughts about that its certainly organic looking

oh the sad is now well thats rude the music is very good that was icky i am tearing up

can someone please give ryan a hug omg

still wanna have a really long chat with the costume dept . why did we land on that , exactly?

also the best part of that is the earrings and i dont even think they kept those

not kicking them out to space omg silly ass cliffhanger

okay that took me three hours and i really enjoyed it and i held back on commentary omg that was kinda a mess on my end but on the whole 8.5 i think, really solid episode. i'll do more tomorrow :)

[bibookdemon]

Hidden Secrets AU

MDNI

*Please note this was entirely written in DMs [thank you @xiaokuer-schmetterling for enduring my silliness smh smh] and will contain errors + more relaxed language. For example, I call Wei Wuxian a little freak. I mean it in the best way possible (I use 'freak' as a term of endearment)

Also while this does contain characters who are presented in more of a negative light, it is not at all meant to be character bashing.

Xicheng

Omegaverse

Omega Lan Xichen x Alpha Jiang Cheng

Cw for mentions of slut-shaming

Cw for mentions of non-con [in the context of how my omegaverse elements PREVENT non-con]

IMPORTANT: Presenting DOES NOT = heat. Presenting is the omegaverse version of PUBERTY

Word count: <3500

Presenting happens around 13-14 (it's essentially puberty)

LXC expects to be an alpha cause that's what he's been raised for and that's always been the dominant gene in his family (in this world, alphas/betas/omegas are usually easier to predict because of genes. A long line of alphas means that the alpha gene typically dominates the omega gene, whereas a long line of omegas means that the omega gene usually dominates the alpha gene. It's incredibly rare for children of the same parents to present differently)

LXC and LWJ I'm gonna say are 3-4 years apart in this? (That'll be important I promise)

LXC ends up presenting a bit later, which is unusual. The Lans have always presented at 13, and very strongly at that. This causes a lot of anxiety for everyone, but especially LXC. On top of the anxiety, he gets this weird feeling that something is...off. Around late 14 or early 15, he presents as an omega.

The issue that LXC has with this is shame around not being what everyone expected/needed, especially after his father's death, and the fact that omegas aren't exactly common leaders. They can be leaders, absolutely, but they're often seen as less/weaker in those positions. They have to work twice as hard as their alpha peers to be respected. LXC knows the Lans wouldn't frown upon him for being an omega. But he feels shame for it all the same.

He decides he must live his life in secret. LQR doesn't think this is the way to go, but he won't stand in the way. A couple doctors are assigned to LXC and sworn to secrecy. He's put on scent blockers and wears high-collared robes for good measure. Every step is taken to ensure his identity as an omega is never discovered. Then it is announced that he has presented as an alpha.

He hides his lack of pheromones as a peaceful option. He doesn't wish to use his alpha abilities to his advantage. He is seen as a god walking amongst mortals for his peaceful approach.

This doesn't follow canon btw. There is no big war going on. The Wens exist under the careful eye of WQ

LWJ presents a few years after LXC. He's worried his lil brother will also present as an omega, which could give him away, but then he presents as an alpha. LXC feels a great deal more shame creeping to the front of his mind. He's lucky that the Lans pass heritage based on age and not presentation. He wants to keep LWJ safe from politics, especially after he realizes LWJ functions differently than others. (This isn't him believing LWJ isn't capable of politics, he just doesn't want him to have to deal with how exhausting and horrible they are.) On top of that, he feels jealous of LWJ's alpha presentation. He shoves it down. He adores his little brother so much. How could he ever think or feel anything negative toward him?

Anywho. Many years pass. Older clan leaders are phased out in favor of young blood. People like JC step up to bat. LXC is like? 25 now? JC is probably 20 or 21?

LXC immediately takes an interest in JC. He's so stern and grouchy compared to his father. He takes after his mother (from the few times he's met her/what he's heard about her) Though he does, he's also nothing like his mother. His edges are rounded. His biting words seem to be more of a show of blowing himself up to be big and scary and intimidating. Don't fuck with me and all that. And LXC acknowledges that he'd beat the shit out of anyone who pushed that too far. But it's different. LXC feels drawn to him like a magnet.

Over the years, they start to interact a bit more (this is in part due to clan happenings and also in part to the fact that LWJ has fallen hard for WWX and visits Lotus Pier often trying to figure out how to court him. LXC doesn't understand why LWJ doesn't tell WWX outright. And then he kinda gets it when he notices how much he's started flirting with JC. Who is a dense mf and doesn't bat an eye.)

More time passes. Every day is another his affection for JC swells. Every interaction leaves him longing. At some point, he realizes he will take JC as a mate or he will never mate at all. He doesn't think JC will ever mate him + if JC finds out and doesn't keep his secret...it could all blow up. So he just won't mate.

What LXC doesn't realize is that, despite his suppressants/blockers being upped according to his body's needs, his love hasn't been taken into account. So. For a while now. His body has been secreting pheromones directed at JC. They're blocked from everyone else thanks to the medications, but not JC.

JC didn't really notice anything amiss other than a very very light tea scent. [Osmanthus tea according to @xiaokuer-schmetterling] He chalked it up to the kitchens. And then it got stronger. And it started to make his brain go fuzzy, started to make him want to fuck whoever was releasing that scent. It was so delectable. But...the only omegas were some of the folks who passed in and out. Why would an omega's scent be here throughout the meeting, in a room of alphas?

BTW alphas can mate with alphas and omegas can mate with omegas, but it's uncommon + their scents don't have the ability to arouse each other. So that's why JC is confused. Alphas are often releasing pheromones at meetings according to their feelings, but they don't have any effect relating to romantic or sexual desires.

Eventually it gets strong enough that JC realizes it's coming from LXC. He doesn't do anything about it.

Also to clarify, JC doesn't hold any particular attraction to LXC at first, he finds LXC attractive, but there's nothing beyond that atm. This doesn't mean the pheromones are compelling him to feel any sort of way toward LXC. He starts noticing how handsome LXC is more, but that's awakening smth that was already there. He feels mutual acquaintance-y bordering on friendly toward LXC, but romance isn't a factor. (Yet)

Eventually he corners LXC after a meeting (somewhere private so no one can hear them. There's so many reasons why LXC could be hiding his true identity, and he's not gonna disrespect that. Especially not when he has a secret of his own)

He pretty much just asks LXC to stop (with a blush) and LXC is just like??? Stop what??? LXC internally freaks out cause he thinks he did smth wrong and JC wants him to stop visiting. JC reveals that he knows LXC's identity, but he's quick to assure him he doesn't mean that as a threat. JC explains that he's been...releasing pheromones...and it's making it very hard (lol) for JC to focus on the meetings. LXC is absolutely terrified that everyone else can smell him, but JC says he thinks it isn't the case. He's seen how the others act around omegas. He would've been able to tell. LXC jumps back to keeping his secret cause he still doesn't believe JC will keep it.

JC pulls LXC into a room and starts undressing. LXC's inner self is giddy but on the outside he's like WTF ARE YOU DOING?! And then JC reveals his chest. There are scars beneath his pectorals. And so LXC learns that JC is a trans man. JC tells him 'secret for secret'

LXC nods but he's like...extremely turned on now. JC can smell it. He tries to cover his nose and tell LXC to calm himself, but LXC never learned how to control his pheromones. He always relied on the meds doing it for him.

So, JC asks whether he would like him to leave OR to stay (the implication behind stay is silent but strong) LXC asks him to stay.

At this point I wanna say that this would be a great way to explore birth control/abortions in omegaverse. Either LXC's meds prevent pregnancies or he has to take the equivalent of a morning after pill, or he ends up getting pregnant and doesn't want to keep it. (He doesn't want children + it would blow his cover**)

**Additional Info Added: Morning after pill:

Probably goes to the family doctors (who are sworn to secrecy) but Madame Yu has eyes everywhere (yes. his parents are. still alive :/ ) and confronts him? Like. 'Who the hell did you knock up?!' And then going off on a rant about how JC is leading Lotus Pier now, he can't be sleeping around and getting people pregnant. So JC not only has to deal with sneaking around the name, but also being slut-shamed. Pretty much. (I am. Going for maximum angst.) (I figure JC was brought up very strictly on matters of sex outside of marriage. And probably bs like 'sex is for the purpose of making babies' because Madame Yu strikes me as having been brought up with those morals herself + she's pretty miserable in her marriage. She doesn't understand why someone would want to have sex for any other reason.) 

‘acespec, mostly sex repulsed mdm yu. whereas jc is acespec but like. demi??? very greyace. and the more he cares about lxc. the hotter and more attractive he finds lxc sexually. instead of aesthetically (yk. um. like moving from. oh hey that's a lovely man. nice scenery. to oh he's lovely and I Like Him and Oh No HE'S HOT to PLS LET'S BONE) and mdm EEEEEEWWWWW just doesn't understand and Never Tries to understand either’ [added by @xiaokuer-schmetterling]

And LXC and JC have a good, long talk about that too. About 'morals' they were raised with and about how they could affect their lives because they haven't wed/claimed each other. But they don't talk about it in a way that's like 'we SHOULD follow that tradition to appease others'. They talk about it in a way that's like 'we should do what we wish to do, but we shouldn't draw attention to it. This is our little life, not theirs. But. Because I want to give them a bit of comfort. Birth control/morning after pill/abortions aren't restricted and are pretty widely accepted by the clans. I mean, in a world where it's extremely easy to get pregnant, the consequences of making someone have a child are easy to see and are acknowledged.

Especially- I especially wanna write the morning after conversation. (Or maybe they talk right after they finish, I dunno.) I wanna get across LXC's anxiety when he realizes neither of them used any protection and yeah, he really likes JC, but he does not want to carry his child nor any child for that matter, and now he has to tell JC that and what if??? What if JC wants him to get pregnant??? And JC very gently reassuring him and knowing exactly what's needed to ensure LXC doesn't get pregnant. Not that LXC doesn't know, but idk. I think he'd only have a vague idea. (I should probably make a topic change or I am going to go on about this specific detail forever. My interests/passions take over all the hcs if they get their lil paws on em)

They end up fucking. They both enjoy it immensely. They make an arrangement to fuck more often after LXC talks to his docs. They agree it's a good idea for him to be sexually active because it'll help the meds do their job + it'll keep his omega satiated. (It's a growing concern that LXC's heats have been suppressed for so long that one might randomly break through)

After several rounds of sex, he does end up having a heat triggered. He's sent to a small little cottage at the edge of the Cloud Recesses. (It was put there specifically for omegas that went into heat and needed to be isolated.) JC is summoned to help him (if he wishes to. He's more than happy to) and does. LXC has never been through a heat before, so it's extremely rough on him and he's so out of it that he's constantly begging for JC to claim him, to mate him, to breed him. (JC has a LOT of self-control. He fucks him and that's it. He knows this isn't LXC talking. It's the heat.)

Omegas usually have more control over what they say/do during their heats. They know what they want or don't want, and they know when they want to say no or stop. Because LXC has never had a heat, his brain is going haywire and his 'omega' has come to the front. His 'omega' wants to be claimed and mated and bred. LXC does not. JC knows this from several past conversations, but even if he didn't, he still wouldn't give into LXC's words because that requires TALKING. JC fucks and only fucks because that is what he was given permission to do. (LXC IS on birth control at this point tho so the breeding comments can't really be carried out anyway.) [Clarification: By ONLY FUCKS I mean he does not mate, claim, or breed Lan Xichen. He hasn't been given consent for anything else.]

JC takes very good care of LXC when the horny section settles in favor of exhaustion and the need to be cared for and loved. It's during this process that JC realizes he particularly enjoys this. Not the sex. Well, he loves the sex, but. This. Caring for LXC in the way that LXC has and continues to care for him, even if it's a bit different than how LXC cared for him.

And so JC realizes that he doesn't want to do this for anyone else. And he doesn't want to see anyone else doing this for LXC. He's aware that LXC has romantic feelings in addition to the sexual feelings, so he decides he'll bring it up soon.

Soon means after he properly cares for LXC for a couple of weeks (his heat REALLY took it out of him) and then makes sure LXC is in the proper headspace to make a decision like that. LXC is upset when he gets his libido back and JC won't fuck him for a few days.

They talk. They consider the good things as well as the consequences. They decide the happiness outweighs whatever else could happen. They also discuss the fact that LXC will never want anyone else and neither will JC, so they place claiming marks on one another. They don't have to hide them because alphas CAN claim other alphas, as can omegas. (Also in this universe, claiming marks only stay if they're mutual. Marks made by force will not take and will completely heal)

The announcement brings great joy for both clans. The Lan clan and Jiang clan are both powerful forces on their own. Together they're something to be respectfully feared.

There's also potential here for discussing sterilization for LXC. JC makes it clear that is 100% LXC's decision, and he will love him whatever he chooses. (Because we stan a king who doesn't see someone else's body as his choice!!!) They leave the discussion open for adopting in the future tho <333 (Look ok. JC loves his nephew to death. While he's happy as long as he's with LXC, he would adore adopting kiddos)

And yeah. They're happy <333 Some extra details:

LWJ is told about LXC being an omega when he's older.

I think it would be interesting if WWX was a lil freak and somehow ended up with alpha AND omega genes (I don't know much about betas and I'm too lazy to look them up rn so I'm leaving that out as an option)**

**More information has been added: SO. I reckon WWX has an omega cock, a clit, and an internal alpha dick.

Ofc the thing with this is -> can he get himself pregnant in that case??? Interesting thing to factor in. If he can't, it's no biggie. If he can, that means A) he got himself pregnant by accident and that's how it was discovered or B) omegaverse version of intersex is already known fairly well and he was put on a special type of contraception

Also C) heats are wild and unpredictable. Omegas go into heat once a month. Alphas go into heat once a year. The heats are wildly different from one another. And I prefer the idea of chaos to the idea of a cycle of omega heats with 1 alpha heat at the end. He goes into heat once a month, but no one knows if it'll be an alpha heat or an omega heat. Sometimes it's a mix of both. Very harsh on the body. A specific combo of alpha and omega supressants help to make the heats bearable/controllable so he doesn't go completely out of his mind, but they're still strong and render him unable to function properly for a week.

It's not necessarily painful for him, especially because he's given plenty of toys + scented items to help trick his omega into thinking an alpha is there with him, but it certainly gives him a nasty jolt. LWJ is a welcome presence in his life because his pheromones are calming to WWX + once he gets the claiming bite his heats settle into smth more regular instead of their levels fluctuating each month. Meanwhile his alpha respects LWJ's alpha, so that helps with settling that aspect of his heats.

JYL is an alpha and JZX an omega because I think he should get pregnant.

JC has had top surgery but not bottom surgery -> It's a far more involved process than top surgery due to A) his nub dick (clit) and B) his internal dick (his fertile dick) + I think it's also a sexual preference. I imagine bottom surgery entails merging the nub dick and the internal dick into one. It's a loss of sensation.

I looked up afab alpha anatomy and the clit is the fertile dick (from what I saw) and I say fuck that let them have two major pleasure points. Hmph. (Idk I like fucking around with anatomy)

AFAB alphas can't get pregnant, just like AMAB alphas can't. They have a vagina but either A) they don't ovulate or B) they JUST have a vagina. The rest of the uterus doesn't exist.

Hmmmmmm I was debating whether or not to play around with intersex omegas in this au and I think I will! (That means omegas have a dick, clit, and vagina. Their dick cannot get anyone pregnant)

I think that's all.