#it's just what I'm used to forcing myself to do

[elsa-fogen]

Yep. Yeah. That's me. Almost all of it, except, i sleep well (if i manage to fall asleep) Reblogging because maybe some of you didn't know (i also didn't know)

Story time!

Too long don't read: used to sleep on private math lessons because i hate math; it takes hours for me to fall asleep WHEN I SUPPOSED TO, and my sister does it in 3-5 minutes.

I was studying at university and we had MATH there I've always had problems with it. since 5th grade i think (well, i hated math before too but real problems started there) when i changed schools and the new class was behind what I've already studied and i didn't pay attention, until i realized that at some point I was behind. I said "welp, i guess it's to late to try, so fuck it"

So at university we had this very high level math and i just couldn't understand a thing (and we had an awful teacher who was saying evvvvery time something like "yall getting expelled, we're all gonna die") so i decided "if i don't understand, fuck it then, i will not even try" and started skipping math classes.

But i STILL had to pass an exam, we were getting 3 tries and if you fail you're getting expelled. I failed first two what a surprise (i don't know how i managed to pass it after all, i can't remember SHIT, only that i is fucking non-existing number which is square root of -1. Why on earth would you need it i have NO fucking clue.

So i had personal teachers who tried to make me understand at least something to pass the exam. And there was one i remember very well, i even remember that we paid her 10$ per hour (for us that was quite a lot). And i remember her because i was SLEEPING. I just COULDN'T keep my eyes opened. She explains something about deviding by zero and my brain draws the fucking universe collapsing in front of my eyes. She gives me some task, I'm trying to write something and I'm falling asleep and DREAMING about writing, then ahe wakes me up and i see that i didn't write SHIT. It all ended when in the middle of lesson she just kicked me out.

And, what a miracle, I'm leaving her apartments and suddenly, all the sleepiness just wanishes! I'm walking home, thinking about some another AU of mine, roleplaying it with myself in my head, full of energy again.

That's not the only case of this, but it's the strongest i ever felt. But that like happens all the time, EVEN WHEN MY MOM OR MY GRANNY COMES TO ME AND START TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING I'M NOT INTERESTED, IM YAWNING AND FEEL URGE TO FALL ASLEEP. But the moment they leave, It goes away! I was calling it work allergy LMAO

I was diagnosed with adhd in my early childhood (there was also something about epilepsy, but it's ok now so it doesn't matter), not long ago i brought this fact back into my active memory (thanks to Jaiden animations ADHD video for that xD) i kinda used to myself by now and now I'm trying to catch and analyse all moments of adhd kicking in. I know my own tricks and buttons, how to make myself do the thing or just how to force myself into doing something. Because i know if i start, I'll probably lock in and won't get up until it's done (well, if i have at least a tiny bit of interest in that thing, or else i won't), and i hate it when someone interrupts me in the middle of the process. No mom, i can't come right now, i can't finish it later, because i either spend few more hours forcing myself to go back to the task or just forget about it.

But i didn't know that this sleepiness was a legit symptom! I just thought that it's exaderated boredom, that's it, had a joke name for it. That's... Funny to know that this thing is actually also adhd moment.

Also, about sleeping. I have problems falling asleep. I may lie in the bed for hours without even my phone, just rotating my stories in my head, and when i don't have a story to think about, this is just the name of my current hyperfixation with different tones and in different random dialogues that doesn't even make sense. I have no idea how to fall asleep, except when i didn't sleep for like 48 hours (EVEN THEN IT MIGHT BE A PROBLEM AND I START THINKING OF THAT CREEPY PRION SICKNESS AND SCARE MYSELF AGAIN). And my mom told me that it have always been like that with me. She and my dad had the whole ritual to make me fall asleep. Dad would hold me in his arms, his head with me covered with a blanket that i could only see his face (or else I would look everywhere and never fall asleep), and rock me for HOURS while i was SCREAMING and CRYING the whole time like i was tortured. But when I'd finally fall asleep, they could be as loud as usual and didn't have to whisper, because wake me up is a whole different story. And my mom was SHOCKED when all it took to make my sister fall asleep was just pet her back for 3-5 minutes.

I don't think of myself as... Sick or ill. That's how i was all my life, i don't know anything else. That's not a sickness to me, that's just part of my personality. Maybe sometimes some parts of it bite me in the ass and make my life harder, but i don't know other life. That's the only one I've got, and i guess I'm fine with that (tho now that i think about it, i need to pay more attention to how i write the characters, and don't make them all ADHDshers LOL i need to study neurotypical people under a microscope 🔬🔍)

bro im gonna CRY i didnt know this 🥺

[rensylph]

<< ✯ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃 ✯ >>

<< yandere Jing Yuan >>

⚠️ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT ⚠️

The arrival of the astral express towards the xianzhou loufu has caught the attention of many people as well caught the suspicion of the cloud knights about their arrival, but the tension was caught after the generals beloved has entered into the room

Contain : forced marriage, implied non con, baby trapping, implied female reader, mind break, and other disturbing content.

DEAD DOVE : DO NOT EAT

Credit : towards the dividers creator ( I forgot the username )

( English is not my first language )

During the astral express arrival towards the xianzhou loufu and is now being interrogated by the sky faring commission head madam yukong suddenly a calming and elegant aura rises when one the doors leading towards the outside open.

An elegant person wearing a blue hanfu with many flower and crane patterns cover the entire exterior, as well wearing a snow white shawl around them. Cradling a newly born baby with white tips of hair peeking and seems to be peacefully resting and is wrapped on a brown and gold thick fabric to make sure it's not cold in a burrito wrapping style sleeps peacefully on their mother's embrace.

A group of cloud knights and attendants follow behind them to make sure their masters needs are fulfilled as well their protection is secured.

"talk about an entourage" march 7th whispers towards stelle, to bad she wasn't listening she was busy admiring the person.

"good evening commander ( name ), might tell me why you are back so early from your evening stroll" madam yukong asking the stranger. "I heard some interesting facts about the astral express coming towards the luofu and I just have to see for myself" ( name ) cradling their 1 month old baby in their hands.

"yes the rumors about the astral express visiting are true but I must have to interrogate them to make sure they don't have any harmful intentions in the luofu, especially after the news about you and your baby being born" madam yukong replied with a stern look, "don't be too serious yukong, what happened if the luofu have a rumor of not knowing how to treat our guest" you replied, "my dear guest of the astral express welcome to the xianzhou luofu, I'm commander ( name ) or by other titles the GENERAL BELOVED "

Your memories before your marriage with him were a blur, you remember being a disciple of the previous sword master jingliu alongside him. You and him would spend time, practice together and play together. All your life you remember him being your only true friend. Even when you managed to discover some of your friends on your own Jing yuan will always be the one you trusted.

Unlike him who grew to be a legend and was soon promoted into a general you stay the same, even tho your skills are not as powerful as him and the other high cloud quintet, you were still strong by standard. You were originally a candidate to be a general but the position was ultimately given to Jing yuan.

He became so clingy, I mean he was clingy before but now he's more due to rarely seeing you outside of work. Madam Baiheng said that you two should just get married by now since you two knew each other for long as well the relationship being more than platonic. And the other agreed. Even tho you denied you and him being a thing, Jing yuan is not against the idea saying that you two should get married together.

Until Baiheng death shift everything upside down, Dan feng led astray and tried to resurrect her using a forbidden ritual and was captured and was forced into reincarnation and his new identity Dan heng is banished from the Luofu, Yingxing was infected by mara struck and left, master jingliu has every sense of sanity and was ultimately with Jing yuan and is now captured and imprisoned.

Now it's just you and Jing yuan all alone together.

One day, you were visiting Jing yuan to see his condition and how he's holding up after these unexpected events. He was drinking tea in his office and you asked him how he was.

He replied "I can't lose anybody else... I can't lose you" and suddenly he stands up and knocks you unconscious....

You wake up in a luxurious bedroom, and when you stand up, you realize you were chained towards the wall, you tried breaking it using anything to set yourself free. Until the door of the bedroom opens revealing Jing yuan.

He purposely chained you and trapped you in this room to keep you safe, you tried everything, you begged and asked him to set you free but he won't budge and he leaves the room.

So every night he would come and bed you, no matter how much you resist he's stronger than you physically over power you, why would he do this is because he wants a child to tie you down with him.

And he managed to tie you down, your first son, Jing Yan. Was born after a few months of this happening, poor baby... The first week you actually refuse to hold him only your attendance but you eventually started to grow closer to him.

And Jing yuan brought another one, yanqing to grow the family he always wanted, and suddenly every sense of your mind started to numb. As well some of your memories are erased completely.

Soon a wedding between you and him happened and was announced as husband and wife... In other words you have become the GENERALS BELOVED ...

[teambyler]

Will, Mike, the inevitable "they're gay" accusations they'll face, and MIKE'S CHOICE

We gay guys are known for having good fashion sense. =) Look at WILL rocking the hair and outfit!

So now I'm asking myself:

Does Will come out at Hawkins High? (Either on his own or he gets outed?)

I've always thought that Will's hero journey and the "emotional arc" we're promised for him will include his coming out and standing up for himself.

Add to this the theme of bullying that started in Season 1, which probably comes back with a vengeance when the Hellfire Club is blamed for opening the gate. Lucas is no longer one of the "cool kids" anymore. Everyone turns against them.

Which means our Core Four will bond once again as the "losers" they were in Season 1, but this time it's more intense.

Add to THAT the return to Hawkins of Will, who already was bullied for being gay for years. He and Mike likely become close again (and what a 'GAY' thing to do to take a kid to school together =P ), and we know that "Gay Will" will give a pining glance at Mike that someone is bound to notice.

If this show stays true to its themes and is realistic, then of course the Gay Accusations will get leveled at Mike also.

It's one of the most obvious ways to explore Mike's coming out journey. There are so many reasons for doing it this way: it signals Mike might be gay/bi to the audience naturally, it would give a reason for Mike to still not confess after learning the Painting Lie, and it forces Mike to make a choice.

We Bylers understand that Mike is dealing with internalized homophobia. He even seems to regress to his more conservative clothing from earlier seasons, maybe to try to hide from the anti-Hellfire bullying AND gay accusations.

But would our Mike let anyone harm Will? Of course not! Will this be one of the promised instances of "leader Mike" this season? (Is this how Mike gets that bruise on his face?)

Give it to us, Duffers!

Just sayin'.

-teambyler

[hymnoeides]

Ant, how do you practice figure drawing? I'm struggling

Drew some quick sketches for this💪 It kinda depends on what I want to focus on- motion/dynamics or just posing. If im practicing dynamics, I would try and stylize more and it’s wayyy more sketchy just to try and capture the motion in the sketches. Poses, I pay more attention to breaking down the anatomy and where stuff goes. I challenge myself to not erase/use the least strokes I can. This kind of forces me to not focus on details and instead the figure itself. The red in these examples is kind of where my brain goes when drawing, idk my brain is weird….. finding a way to break down anatomy that you’re comfortable with def helps a lot in figure drawing. Figure/gesture drawings to me are more looser than full studies where I’ll go in more detailed ahskwhwjsj if one reference is annoying me/can’t get it right, I just move onto the next one instead of stressing over the details. Go back to it after you’ve warmed up and done a few others :3. Hope this could be of help!!!!

[famouskoaladetective]

So I'm technically non-binary or demi masculine but I really just want to talk to whoever asked this and said no and just literally ask them: do you think that trans men just appear in a vacuum? Do you think that we don't have lives before we come out? Do you think we aren't treated like women sometimes even after we come out? Do you think we weren't raised to be good girls and expected to grow up to be women? Do you really think that all of us had supportive families that let us actually be ourselves and not pretend to be women for longer than we were comfortable?

Like I came out as non-binary at 16 but was femme presenting and didn't come out as transmasculine until I was 23 or 24 and already had a child. I definitely know what the female experience is I just do not want to live it and I don't enjoy it and I never really felt as though it was right for me. There's a difference between not connecting with something and just being completely ignorant to it.

Like I can talk about how I kind of knew that I wasn't a girl from the time I was 7 or 8 years old but that doesn't change the fact that I didn't have the verbiage or the cultural understanding until I was in my twenties to realize that I was even "actually transgender" and not just non-binary and essentially close to agender. It's impossible without writing an entire novel to explain to people that transgender men and transmasculine people unfortunately were forced to know what it's like to live as their assigned gender at birth because at certain points in our lives we weren't given a fucking choice.

Shit like this reminds me of whenever I run into people who I went to high school with and they go "oh you used to be such a quiet good girl what the fuck happened?" I realized that I didn't have to be a quiet good girl to be a valid human being and that I was happier being myself but that doesn't mean that I don't still remember what it was like to be a teenage girl or to be a young woman in America.

I was forced to know what that experience is like against my will and bitch I will never fucking forget it.

That's part of why I love and respect women so much to this day because I know that they go through shit especially women of color and transgender women and other queer women, because I was raised by black and native women and was raised with the expectation of being a good mixed girl. I'm not and that's okay but I still fucking sympathize because being a woman is hard and women are impressive for the shit that they fucking go through.

Just because I'm not one anymore doesn't mean I don't get it.

i think im going to lose my fucking mind actually.

this little make believe game that yall are playing where ur all pretending that we have always been passing as cis men is honestly just really sickening to read. as if trans men have never been sexually harassed or abused because society perceives us as women. im genuinely of the opinion that u all just do not believe trans men face misogyny and thats so unbelievably fucked up and just not based in reality. its actually disgusting and vile.

[nekropsii]

Wild how when I call Shipping Culture oppressively pervasive and awful for any Aro/Ace with the gall to enjoy anything on the Internet, I get called a Fun-Hating Killjoy and told to just shut the fuck up or off myself, no matter how mild or polite my comment is. Wild how when I say a character either is textually Aro/Ace or is easier to read as Aro/Ace than Alloromantic/sexual, people start talking down to me like I'm a child who doesn't know anything, saying "Friendly reminder that Aro(s)/Aces can Date/Have Sex too, just like us Normal People!". As if I don't know anything about my own identity. Wild how when I do either of these things or even just say I'm not into a pairing or uninvested in shipping in general people call me fucking homophobic, even if the (at least popularly perceived - let's be honest, people are wrong half the time) genders of the characters is never once made relevant. Even though their reasoning for me being homophobic is lack of investment in a gay pairing they like, and nothing more. Wild how people throw little baby tantrums at even the gentlest criticism of Shipping Culture, or someone choosing not to engage heavily in it. Wild how they have the audacity to ask, with hostility, what the fuck Aro(s)/Aces are talking about when they say Shipping Culture is hostile to Aro/Ace fans, or ask what's wrong with them when they say that they aren't into Shipping.

It's almost like Bigots don't realize they're being Bigots when they do Bigotry, so just saying you're not a Bigot isn't enough. It's almost like Aro/Ace people know what the hell they're talking about. It's almost like we have a fucking point. It's almost like we're valid in expressing contempt and frustration with the constant expectation to engage with Romance and Sexuality at every waking moment, even if we're Romance and/or Sex Favorable. It's almost like we're tired of getting our identities erased, and we're tired of expecting to "act normal", and we're tired of just taking it when Allos use the Favorable members of our communities as a scapegoat for why they should be allowed to totally erase any of our representation just for their "Harmless Queer Fun" - deliberately, and I mean DELIBERATELY, failing to recognize or acknowledge the character's orientation, and how an A-Spec's personal relationship with and expressions of Love are going to look drastically different from an Allo person's - and call us the Bigots when we even glance in the direction of objection.

It's almost like Allo/Amatonormativity are oppressive forces.

Alloromantics/sexuals are constantly looking for any reason they can to call Aro(s)/Aces unloving, unfeeling, frigid, soulless, cruel. Inhuman. They're looking for any reason they can to call us whiny children, stupid, people who "just haven't found the right one", addressing us only as "Works in Progress", or someone who can have their sexuality corrected with the right stimulus - Conversion Therapy and Corrective Rape are okay when it happens to us, after all. Any reason at all to call us heartless monsters. AlloAces are confused children. They can be fixed. AroAllos are manipulative, unfeeling sexual predators. They can't be fixed - just kill them. AroAces are frigid, mean bitches. They can be fixed. God forbid you're Aplatonic. God forbid you're part of the Repulsed spectrum. God forbid you're one of the Loveless. God forbid you hold any pride in your identity, God forbid you don't keep your mouth shut, God forbid you critique the overinflated importance Allos place onto Love as a concept. God forbid you critique something as asinine and juvenile as fucking Shipping Culture. Do any one of these and you've put a bright red, blazing neon target on your back.

Wild how the only real humans amongst us are the Romance, Sex, and Friendship Favorable who put their head down and mask as Allo, and side with the Allos when their fellow A-Specs get too loud for the comfort of their Allo friend's delicate little fee-fees. After all, Vitriol and Harassment are warranted when an Allo's feelings get slightly hurt that an Aro person says, on their own account, to no one in particular, that they're sick of every tag being 80% Shipping Content. Which is a vehemently evil personal attack, clearly.

Wild.

[666writingcafe]

Dear MC

A Letter That NB!Barbatos Gives To MC One Day As They Are Visiting The Castle

If you are reading this, then Barbatos has successfully found your location. Don't worry; I didn't force him to. He was actually fulfilling one of Diavolo's orders. Mainly, he wanted to make sure you were still alive wherever you ended up. I simply convinced Barbatos to take this letter with him on his journey.

There have been many things that have occurred in your absence, the most important one being that Simeon has received his sentence from the Celestial Realm. Shortly after you left, as a matter of fact. Due to his guardianship over Luke--which was deemed excellent by those who judged him--he merely got turned into a human, allowing him to essentially live as his alias for the remainder of his life. The bad news is that shortly after he received his sentence, he's pretty much disappeared. Diavolo offered the manor to Simeon so that he'd have a place to stay, but when Barbatos was sent to check in on him the other day, the place was abandoned. Even Levi's having trouble tracking his location, and he's usually pretty good at that sort of thing.

Speaking of Luke, we haven't heard much from him, either. Last I heard, he's under Raphael's care, and if I know him, he's probably trying to keep him preoccupied so that he doesn't think too much about Simeon. Or the rest of us, for that matter. Mammon misses him terribly.

I have done my best to keep your true whereabouts a secret, just like you told me to. The only one that hasn't bought into the lies I've told, unsurprisingly, is Belphie. The others have come to believe me over time, but not him. He's been so insistent on knowing the truth that I'm contemplating telling him. The problem with that is he's not the best at keeping secrets, especially where you're concerned. He'd run to Satan, who then would tell Asmo, who would then post about it on every social media platform he has access to, and then everyone would be putting together a search party for you. I know it's coming from a good place--and I'm sure you do too--but as you stated in your letter, that would ruin the mission you're currently on, and you've worked so hard to get your sorcerer's license that I don't want it getting revoked due to my brothers' emotions.

Due to my emotions.

I feel so incredibly empty without you, MC. This isn't me saying that you need to drop everything and return without completing your assignment from the Society; I'm simply stating how I feel. My access to portals has been banned for the foreseeable future because I've been caught a few times trying to escape. My days are spent at the House and RAD, and my nights are spent at the castle. I am no longer allowed to be alone. Diavolo has made sure of it. Not that it's a bad thing, necessarily. Being with someone is better than crying myself to sleep after drowning myself with Demonus. You'll be pleased to know that Diavolo and Barbatos are keeping a strict eye on me in that regard as well. I have a reputation to uphold, after all, and I managed to do fine before you were in my life. That's what they keep telling me, anyway. It doesn't help to dull the pain very much.

I love you. Please come home soon.

Your Lucifer

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr, @tenkobitch, @budbuddnbuddy

[bottledfool]

People who disagree with me couldn't possibly hold real beliefs. No, only I, a proud Democrat, stand for anything. I don't care about all the Palestinians the US and Israel are murdering as part of their genocide, and I certainly don't care that both Harris and Trump have said they would continue to do so, which means no one else ever did either. Clearly this was all a ruse, for they did not vote for a genocidaire, and therefore they stand for nothing.

Surely Harris couldn't have run a better campaign. Surely she couldn't have done more to distance herself from Trump or Biden instead of saying "I'm going to bring you more of Biden, except our border and military will be stronger." Surely she couldn't have tried to appear even somewhat progressive instead of courting the far-right and embracing figures like Dick Cheney, thus failing to endear herself to either party. Love him or hate him, Biden is a deeply unpopular president among the people from whom Harris needed votes, but an evil wizard cursed her, so she was forced to do and say many of the things that made him unpopular in the first place.

It's a shame she just had no choice and no agency as a person. She didn't run a bad campaign. It's the leftists who are wrong. After all, the candidate I like is entitled to leftists' votes. If they don't vote according to my specifications, regardless of what those are, that is a betrayal on their part. It doesn't matter how bad a candidate the Democratic party puts forth, they have to vote for them, because anything else is morally incorrect, and I just can't imagine why thirteen months of smug bullying didn't get that through their heads.

I suppose even enlightened geniuses like myself will never understand the truth behind every mystery. Now it is time to return to my odinsleep for four years before I do it all over again, still tragically stricken by the same disease that makes me unable to learn from the past. Surely it will work next time.

They called it… they fucking called it

To those who were eligible to vote but refused cuz of Harris- well congratulations! That orange fucker won. Hope you’re happy. Also don’t start bitching when all of our rights starts to get taken away (reproductive rights, LGBTQ rights, etc.) we fucking warned you. We warned you that if you didn’t vote then trump was more likely to win. Also you pulling this stunt- isn’t gonna help Palestine. Y’all claim that you are pro Palestine but after this election- you just proved that you really don’t give a damn about them. So congrats!

[vulpixisananimal]

<Null> {Mal Du Pays} (Siffrin) [Loop] [(Siffrin?)]

{Who are you. You held the new presence by the cloak. Fake smile. Fake. You thought this was Loop. Loop who was acting strange.}

[(. . . I, I'm S-)]

{I heard you the first time.}

[(Oh haha! It's ok to be hard of hearing. I'm hear to help a-)]

{Shut. Up.}

[(. . . .)]

{. . . Do you know where you are.}

[(. . . No.)]

{You're in bed. We're in bed. We're drifting off to sleep, soon with Isabeau next to us. Far, far from the house-}

[(Liar.)]

{. . . ?}

[(You're lying to me. I'm hallucinating. This is a nightmare. The housemaid will wake me up soon. We'll find the water. The keys. The fire. The-)]

{Stop.}

{It was cold. Quiet. The new one looked like Siffrin. And maybe acted like Siffrin once upon a time, but not any more. The smile was still there. We're not in the house anymore.}

[(. . . . .)]

{. . . . You feel like loop. Why.}

[(I'm nothing like that star.)]

[(I'm nothing like that coward. I'm nothing like that fool. I'm nothing like that, like that weak part of myself. They will never get their wish, MY wish.)]

{They kissed Isabeau.}

[(Because of that shared body. He doesn't love us. We're just manipulating him. Getting him to fall for us by copying those cute mannerisms of a Siffrin long gone. I. Am. Siffrin.)]

{. . . You're who Loop was, who they were before-}

[(And what are you? Shadow? Sadness? You're a disgrace. A joke. A sick freak who doesn't deserve love or forgiveness. Protect everyone? What a joke. You just want an excuse to hurt people and take the fighter all for yourself. You should disappear. Disappear and never return-)]

{Enough.}

[(Maybe you should bite back for once. Could do something good for once. Your dagger is there. You should kill them. Kill them now before they take Siffrins heart-)]

{ENOUGH.}

{You had a theory. You make the call gesture. You wish to talk to loop.}

{. . . . Hmm.}

Ow-

{Loop?}

Not, sure. Maybe.

{The figure was, for lack of a better word, glitched. Are you dissociating?}

Yes I, think so.

{. . . . Do you need a hand.}

F. . . Fine.

{reluctantly, you open your arms. The. . . Loop? Siffrin? The mix of them both, was in your arms. You shuddered.}

{. . . . Breathe?}

Breathe. . . . In. . . . Out. . . .

. . . . . .

You. . . Forced, forced us into, ah, blurriness.

{Like how we get blurry? Unable to tell who is who, but it's. . . You?}

Ha. . . Exa[ctly- oh! You step away from Mal. Your blinding head hurt so, so much. You, weren't sure what just happened. How do I, look.]

{Like a star. You have that star cloak Isabeau gave you now though.}

[Strange. . . I. . . I'm, not sure what just happened.]

{. . . I have an idea. But you need to rest. I'll deal with it.}

[I. . . Fine. I don't want to be here anyways, stars. . .]

{. . . . Once Loop was gone, you return to reality. You get up from bed quietly, careful not to awaken Isabeau, and find the journal you were gifted. You to to the window, to write by moonlight.]

{"Unable to sleep, late night, Loop fronting, strange thoughts and going on in front. Loop was being strange. It was hard to get to front. Eventually got. New headmate."}

{You pause for a second, and look for that little booklet that lady gave you. You looked for something specific in it. . .}

{"booklet page 4, possible subsystem? Loop and not-Siffrin shared body in headspace. Not-siffrin is. ." You pause to look at the booklet again. ". . . Possible persecutor. Handle with care. Talk to. Get me if causing issues."}

{. . . . You sigh. "Loop has many issues. Must. MUST talk about them. Need name for Not-Siffrin. Tell party?"}

{You leave four boxes in the book, and put an X in yours. You didn't want to bother them with it, not yet. . .}

{. . . . You sign off on the journal. Put it away. Then get back into the shared bed. You get closer to Isa. At least he was here, as a silver lining.}

[farmhandler]

Ahhhh pls do Logan & cable attempting to bond, maybe over Wade??

There was supposed to be more bonding sjhskjhsa it's truly "there was an attempt" here

---

"You smoke?" Logan asked. He didn't know why he did, only that Wade's constant chatter about his latest job with Cable had involved several long monologues about the two of them "getting along".

He and Cable got along just fine.

"No," Cable said. He took the cigar Logan was holding and examined the label. "Expensive habit. Where I'm from, we don't make it a habit."

His tone said, you're all fucking idiots in this timeline.

They didn't not get along.

"Beats drinking myself to sleep," Logan said. "Can't exactly get cancer. But fine, just thought I'd offer. Where's Wade?"

"He told me he was going to find you."

Logan thought about how Wade had told him that exact same thing and shook his head. They were outside the X-Force base of operations, after hours, so he lit up.

"He'll find us when he gets bored of being an asspain," Logan said around his cigar. He pulled out his phone and tapped on it.

where the fuck are you, he texted Wade.

“What have I done to deserve your ire?” Cable said, which was exactly the kind of thing that earned said ire. Fucking prick.

Cable looked at him like he'd heard it. Logan forgot he was one of the telepaths around here that had zero qualms about abusing his powers to get what he wanted.

"You murdered Wade lately?" Logan said evenly. He pulled his cigar away and met Cable's eyes.

“Is that it? I see no point in stating the obvious, but since it seems you forgot, I will. We've both killed Wade. Multiple times.”

"You're awfully fucking comfortable making use of his inability to die." He took another puff and shifted to face Cable. "I read the mission reports shared by the X-Men."

"We make tactical, strategy-based decisions." Cable paused; probably reading Logan's fucking mind again. "No one under my command is thrown into unnecessary danger." He breathed out through his nose. "I don't need to explain myself to you. This is pointless."

"Wade can take it," Logan said. "Doesn't mean he should."

"What can I take?" Wade asked, popping up from seemingly nowhere. His mask was rolled up, and when he walked over, he laid an exaggerated, smeary kiss across Logan's cheek.

Then, probably because he wanted to piss Logan off, he tried to do the same to Cable. Logan was sure Cable would do their usual routine where he shoved him away, but he just sat there while Wade kissed his cheek.

Logan took a very, very long puff of his cigar while it happened.

"Well now it feels like cheating," Wade said, frowning. "You were supposed to stop me."

"I don't see why I should, considering that evidently I don't make any attempts to stop you from doing what you want, whenever you want."

"Of fucking course," Logan muttered.

"This no longer feels like it's about me," Wade said. "Are you two talking about the mission from the other day? I told Cable I could handle it, and I did. Everyone in the building fucking died!"

"Including you," Cable said. He sounded pissed. "I gave you very clear instructions. Orders."

"Which you knew I wouldn't follow," Wade said blithely. "We have an understanding. You try to do things by your annoying little book and I ignore you. It works every time."

Meeting Cable's eyes, Logan felt maybe a little chastened hearing that. Domino walked out calling Wade's name, and Wade skipped towards her.

"Be right back!" he called. "Don't fight over me until I am!"

"I don’t need to read your thoughts to hear how often you assume the worst of me,” Cable said to Logan.

"You're...yeah, you're fucking right," Logan admitted. "Sorry."

Cable looked at him for a while and then sighed.

"I don't make much of an effort either." He crossed his arms and pulled from his pack, of all things, lip balm. "I don't go out of my way to get Wade hurt. But in many ways, his skills are unmatched."

"I know. And I know you care about him. Same way I care about him," Logan said. He thought back to Wade's kiss on his cheek. He chuckled. "Maybe not the same way."

Cable's lips lifted into the closest thing to a smile Logan had possibly ever seen on him.

[lamb-bait]

good morning,

my little lambs, i hope you're doing well. it's almost nostalgic when I post here, thinking back to better times, but lingering in the past doesn't do anyone any good - right? right.

today's topic is a controversial one, 'omorashi'.

now, as we dive deeper into my depraved desires, I'm sure curiosity may be on the rise. 'what does that mean? how does it apply to me? is this something I can picture my Shepard doing to me without his actual presence?'

and it's something you can follow along to as you read this thought of mine. first things first, you have to have a need to go to the bathroom. to pee, specially. good, good. now that you're there, this is where the scenario actually starts. the act of omorashi is controlling when and where one's submissive partner (you, specifically) is allowed to utilize their bodily function.

now, how can we picture this?

simple. this is a lot more personal than you might imagine, more control than forcing my body ontop of you, more submissive than you might think you actually are. so let's put ourselves in this position, you and me, and no one else. my sweet little lamb, just like you ~ you have to go pee. it's normal, it's understandable, but your Shepard needs to give you permission to do so. so you look for me in the house, it's not normal that I don't take you out myself - conditioning you for when you normally relieve yourself. and when you find me, it's clear that I expected you to be ready to go.

of course, it's not going to be that easy. making you lay down on the bed, to spread your legs and lean back. I'd wonder how you felt, how your cunt feels when you have to go, when it'll start feeling bad. and there's the first touch, pressing my fingers against your panties, grinding my surprisingly soft touch against you. we all know you've tried it little lamb, touching yourself while you have to pee, if felt good - didn't it? we both know how disgusting you really are, digging my fingers against your panties, as if wanting to shove them in your cunt and ignoring the fabric concealing your body. using two fingers to spread your cunt open, my other arm forcing your legs to stay apart, smiling as I ask you, "you're not going to go until I let you, right little lamb?"

of course you're going to nod, you're barely able to think - focused more on holding it in than you are on the words coming out of my mouth. pulling your panties off and leaning over your cunt, opening my mouth and letting my warm breath brush over your sensitive little parts. moving down more to press my tongue against your clit, moaning against your body as I do - my fingers that were once desperately trying to push inside you, now unrestricted and rubbing against your cunt, slowly pushing in as I lap my tongue against your clit.

feeling you squirm, to let out pathetic moans and whines, a mixture of grinding your cunt against my face and wanting to pull away from the stimulation. only for me to stop abruptly and pulling fingers out from inside you, to move my head back and get up. Will you finally get to pee? of course not. you'll see me taking my boxers off, stroking my cock as I move over you, grinding the tip of it against your clit, rubbing it down to your cunt and pushing it inside you with each slow throb.

fucking you, while I look down at your face - the mixture of worry and pleasure, gasps of air you're desperately taking, my hands wrapping around your cheek as I force you to look up at me, getting close to that perfect climax, telling you that you have to do it - right as I feeling you tightening up for your own release, moving my hand down to your clit and rubbing it as I urge my cock in as deep as it'll fit in your cunt, forcing you to piss while I practice breeding you.

--

as you can see, it's not all sunshine and flowers. im sure my interests will start getting more, and more depraved. i haven't even talked about me pissing on/in you yet. but that's for another time, as we fall deeper into the void I call my mind.

and c~𝜗𝜚, you're not being ignored. my precious little lambs, if you have something to say message me yourself, anonymity doesn't get you my attention.

With abhorrent lust,

Your loving Shepard

[aerospectrum]

"Nothing." Cas insisted, looking up to watch the tears fall- feeling himself swept away by the guilt of his actions and words. "Madison.. I'm sorry, I.. you didn't do anything, I'm sorry I didn't mean--" when she screamed it forced his shoulders to jump up to his ears and surprisingly her shove had force enough to make Cas stumble back. "Madison wait!" he called after her- his eyes squeezed shut with how hard the door slammed- feeling the room ricochet around them.

The three of them listened to the shatter from upstairs and Dean rushed for the steps, Cas limping hard behind to catch him, his fingers grazed Dean's wrist before the hunter yanked away from him. "Dean, I just wanted to help-"

"Well you didn't!" Dean barked at him, half towering over him with darkened eyes and muscles tensed. "If you weren't some stupid kid right now, I'd kill you myself with your own blade." Dean spit the words out and almost instantly wished he could've swallowed them down before they'd came out. He watched the shift of emotions, the turmoil and the defeat- all of it and then Castiel's gaze hardened, like somehow he'd garner his grace back and smite them all. Instead...

"I hate you!"

Sam watched the way Cas fled the house and Dean- trapped between going after him or going up to Madison. "I'll get him, just check on Madison."

Dean raised his arm above the doorframe, searching for a door key- exhaling relief when he felt the metal. He twisted with the key, hearing it click and slowly he nudged the door open. "Can I come in?" he asked, not wanting to breach the containment of her safety in case she decided to lob something at his head too. "Not... not to invalidate you here but... but you know Cooties aren't real... right?" he used the door as his shield regardless for a second longer, then took the risk and stepped in, beelining to take a seat next to her. "I'm sorry." he began. "For all of this, I- I wish you'd called some bullshit ghost investigator instead too." he twirled his thumbs around each other and stared at the space between his knees. "It would've save you a lot of trouble... but I'm kinda happy you fucked up and called us; kinda thought you and I had something.. maybe." he shrugged, trying to soothe the heat of the anger overtaking her. "Even if you did give me cooties." he bumped her elbow with his, trying to prompt a smile.

He inhaled deep and looked around the room at the mess of things she'd thrown around and broken. "That's one hell of an arm you got..." he looked back at Madison again. "You know the angels are gonna realize that's a children's playground myth in no time and Gabriel's gonna leave and... things will go back to normal for you again. He shouldn't have said it, I'm not defending him, but I know i've said a helluva lot worse about people before myself; and I wasn't 14 when I did it either...." he wanted to run his hand along her leg or hold her hand and show her some sort of comfort, but every time he thought about it he worried she'd flip out and smack him like she had in the motel.

Running a hand through his hair Dean sighed and dropped both hands to his thighs, unsure what else to say that wouldn't infuriate her or make her feel invisible. "What do you want us to do, Madison?" Dean stood from the bed. "We can leave now, I can get a guy out here to fix that extra door in the wall in your kitchen and we can disappear into obscurity like you've never even called if that's what you want."

Madison sat there dumbfounded.

It was happening again. The slow motion. The delayed words. The slow processing. Her eyes bounced from cas then to Sam, then to Dean, & back to cas. Head tilting slightly trying to understand what he said.

“Why?” She asked softly. Her eyes welling w/ tears. “Why did you do this to me?? What… what did I do to you?”

A few tears slid down her cheeks. Maybe she was a cry baby. A big useless cry baby. “Why would you even say I have cooties…. What did I do to you?”

Her hand came up to wipe her face & she sniffled. “I wish I had never called you all!” She shouted before standing up & pushing cas away & running to the stairs & running upstairs. For the second time in 24 hrs she was slamming the door to her bed room, this time, locking it. In frustration, she reached for the nearest unlucky item which happened to be a glass vase of candy & hurled into at the wall. It shattered & she screamed in anger. Had her furniture been alive they might have cowardly hid. There were a few other items that went flying before she flopped down on her bed putting her head in her hands.

The tears had stopped & she was now just seething. Who was she even supposed to be upset at? Herself? For getting caught in this mess & in deans charms? Cas for lying? Gabriel for breaking a hole into her home? She sat in bed staring around the floor.

[annadiplosis]

[2024 vs 2014]

Ever since I made that post about my archiving system, I’ve been thinking a lot about my notebooks and the way my understanding of them has changed throughout my life, especially for the last two or three years, so I’ve tried to put all my thoughts down in another post.

Let me preface all of this by saying I don't know who this post is for. I'm tempted to say it's just for me, but if it was… Well, I'd just write it in a notebook.

As I’m sure I’ve mentioned multiple times on this blog, I’ve been keeping notebooks since I was a child. I started using them just for drawing, developed the habit of carrying one with me at all times, and ended up using them for absolutely everything. Whenever I needed to write, doodle, or scribble something, my book was there for me. I’ve never had a set structure: I simply use the next available page until there’s none left, and then I start a new notebook.

Although the basic mechanics of my notebooks have remained the same over the decades, my relationship to them has changed. At first, they were only tools: places I could keep my thoughts safe in, only to be used in the very short term and probably never touched again when I was done. They were an integral part of my life, but only in a practical sense.

A couple years ago, I moved out of the apartment I’d spent nearly a decade in. While preparing to leave, storing all my life in cardboard boxes, I realized I’d accumulated an insurmountable amount of loose pieces of paper. Concert tickets, magazine cutouts, napkin doodles, theater programs—most of which I had no place for and forced myself to throw away. It was right then and there that something clicked: everything not saved (written, drawn, glued, somehow kept) in a notebook would be lost forever.

The following summer, I ran away from the place I’d moved into, taking with me only as much as a couple of suitcases could carry. I packed a winter coat and all my notebooks, and never looked back. Everything not kept in a notebook was truly lost.

I’ve started looking at my notebooks as a life archive. They no longer serve only present me but also long-in-the-distant-future me. I number and date them as clearly as I can, have developed a system to find old entries more easily, and write stuff down in a way that will make sense in the long run (as opposed to your classic “I know what I mean”). My pages have never looked flawless and perfectly aesthetic, nor do I want them to, but now I decorate them to my heart’s content and have a great time doing it. All in all, and even though they’re still tools I use in my everyday life, I want my books to be nice places to stay in, be it right now or years down the line.

As I said in the beginning, I’m not sure what the purpose of this post is or where all these thoughts leave me. I just think it’s wonderful to have so many years of my life documented by myself, and the ability to look back on them is priceless. Sometimes a notebook is all I have, and that’s more than enough.

Thanks for reading. See you soon, probably, for more notebook posting.

[nullominous-q]

Don't overestimate me. I am one mental breakdown from shaving my hair at all times.

But don't underestimate me either. I have rbf, an inclination to stare directly into your eyes for entirely too long bc I don't know where else to look when I talk to people and no filter.

...In fact maybe it's best that you don't perceive me at all.

[hood-ex]

One thing I do like about reading Talon!Dick fics is seeing which elements people reuse. Whether Dick can talk or if he just makes animal noises. Does he wear claws or doesn't he. Does he wear eccentric clothes or not. Does he wear makeup or not. Does he make his own choices or does he only follow orders. Is he particularly protective over a member(s) of the family or does he keep his distance. Does he respond to his given name or to Talon. Is he particularly sensitive to the cold or not. Does he use his knives or does he take on the escrima sticks. Is he scared of the Court or isn't he. Does he befriend the Titans or does he not branch out socially. Does he have glowing gold eyes or are his eyes normal.

Much to consider when writing Talon!Dick.

[coderzxd]

Don't know how to answer people when they ask you a question? Get quiet or stressed because you kind of don't want to answer but you also can't explain why, lest you start to answer? Getting called secretive because you Just Don't Respond??

Might I introduce you... To The Cards!!!!