#it's just what I'm used to forcing myself to do

[astonmartinii]

day eight: is it new years yet? | franco colapinto social media au

pairing: franco colapinto x fem albon!reader

christmas day has come and gone and lovers have the agonising wait until new years to reunite (ie complaining a lot)

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

francocolapinto

liked by olliebearman, alexalbon and 828,056 others

tagged: yourusername

francocolapinto: will someone bring my wife back from the war

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user1: i need this kind of man in my life please

user2: i just know he's wearing that shirt completely unironically

user3: i need him to wear it in the paddock please

alexalbon: "the war" being her family's home for christmas

francocolapinto: well yes! why would she want to spend time with YOU when she could spend time with ME

alexalbon: she's not being held hostage she can leave if she wants to

francocolapinto: you're using the pets to your advantage

francocolapinto: DISGUSTING

alexalbon: excuse me?

francocolapinto: free her! and let her bring stan too!

alexalbon: you know what? it's christmas so i won't be entertaining this absolute nonsense

francocolapinto: my love for your sister is not nonsense alex, i am hurt by these accusations

alexalbon: FUCK OFF

user4: oh alex and franco bickering you are so personal to me

user5: i don't know how i'm going to deal with franco not being on the grid next year

yourusername: trust and believe sis, he'll in that paddock no matter what

user6: thank you for your service queen

alexalbon: if you must i guess

yourusername: missing you more baby

francocolapinto: actually not possible

yourusername: you could always come here ...

francocolapinto: and miss out on the sun on christmas?

francocolapinto: and have to hang out with alex ????

alexalbon: i am SICK of you pretending i'm not an absolute hoot

francocolapinto: i'll agree this one time and that's only because you share genetics with y/n so i must assume you must have some of her qualities

alexalbon: what the hell, sure

yourusername

liked by landonorris, francocolapinto and 341,984 others

tagged: alexalbon

yourusername: is it new years yet?

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user9: personally if i had that many cute pets i would not be complaining about going home for christmas

user10: real

albon_pets: that's exactly our points !!

francocolapinto: but not as cute as franco!

user11: did you forget to log into your burner account?

francocolapinto: no i just have a very secure view of myself

yourusername: therapists are AFRAID of him

user12: have we considered they do miss each other but are really on a covert mission to subliminally force us to listen to sabrina carpenter's ep fruitcake

yourusername: it is a banger i will say that

alexalbon: our family are NOT ANNOYING THIS IS A LIE

alexalbon: the song is good tho

landonorris: speaking of sabrina carpenter, do you wanna try out some freaky positions while you're back in england @yourusername ?

francocolapinto: i will tear you limb from limb and then drag you around silverstone attached to my williams like cans from a wedding car

user13: that's so romantic 🥰

landonorris: MURDER IS ROMANTIC?

francocolapinto: stop flirting with my girlfriend or i will invent a crime worse than murder

landonorris: it's a JOKE ????

francocolapinto: i am not laughing.

yourusername: he's so protective hehehehe

landonorris: so you're willing to let franco murder your friend of over TEN YEARS ?

yourusername: he can do no wrong in my eyes

landonorris: ALEX?

alexalbon: firstly, you bought this upon yourself. secondly, franco actually got me a really cool christmas present so he is above you on my friendship pyramid now

francocolapinto: no one can resist franco xx

user14: this comment section is a fucking mess

user15: and i wouldn't change it for the world

francocolapinto: counting down the days xxx

yourusername: i'm so excited i can't stop talking about it

albon_pets: this is true, she's even talking to the cats about it

alexalbon

liked by georgerussell63, landonorris and 409,302 others

tagged: lilymunhe & yourusername

alexalbon: despite popular belief, my sister does actually love me (or she at least loves the animals)

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user16: they're such a cute lil family

user17: and with the introduction of franco's face card they will be unstoppable

georgerussell63: with the absolutely blasphemous speculation in these comment sections i would like to lodge a formal complaint concerning the fact that i have never been invited to an albon christmas

francocolapinto: not cute enough

georgerussell63: i can go toe to toe with you franco

yourusername: lying is a sin george

georgerussell63: what happened to the y/n i once knew ...

yourusername: listen george if you want the invite you gotta marry in to the family, and since both alex and i are taken it looks like your best bet is one of the cats

georgerussell63: that would be beastiality

yourusername: not my problem

alexalbon: please don't fuck one of my cats george

georgerussell63: SHUT UP !!! i merely wanted some recognition for my importance to the albon family but alas you are all IDIOTS. DID OUR HOMOEROTIC SHARED THROAT INFECTION MEAN NOTHING ALEX

alexalbon: i don't really know what you want me to say here?

user18: george has been off his rocker since qatar i fear

yourusername: it's been much longer than that lol

francocolapinto: she'll never love you more than she loves me

alexalbon: considering you two are in a romantic relationship i would hope so

yourusername: oh girlies we should get this all out now before franco gets here and before we camp out in the williams garage all season

alexalbon: i must ask do you have to be there all season?

yourusername: we're scheming

francocolapinto: james can't resist my puppy dog eyes for that long

yourusername: count your days @carlossainz55

carlossainz55: excuse me ??

francocolapinto: you heard her !!!

carlossainz55: @alexalbon is it going to be like this all season?

yourusername: not if we have anything to do with it

carlossainz55: so just for a few races

francocolapinto: no dipshit we're going to steal your seat

user19: i love when a couple really come together to maxmise their joint slay

francocolapinto

liked by yourusername, olliebearman and 823,019 others

francocolapinto: i hate the time warp between christmas and new years so much what do you mean i actually want to be playing trivial pursuit with alex :(

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user21: why does he have a bunny?

user22: it's best not to ask questions about franco really

user23: i want to know but also i think for my sanity it's best i don't

alexalbon: everyone goes on about the 'franco charm' but really it's all about the alex charisma

francocolapinto: whatever, you can have this one, but know you'll never truly be me

alexalbon: was the half compliment in the caption the yearly compliment for 2024

francocolapinto: yeah so savour it

alexalbon: you're so kind franco

francocolapinto: i know 🫶

alexalbon: i was being sarcastic

francocolapinto: compliment is a compliment

user24: franco is the type to be called pretty dumb and just hear pretty

user25: he wouldn't be wrong

yourusername: i've been holding down the fort while i can but this dumbass has clearly done some reading in his spare time

francocolapinto: no one is as smart as you amor i have no worries

user26: is this game of trivial pursuit lasting days?

landonorris: there is no way you're the trivial pursuit champion ???

yourusername: i've won for the last five years running, why wouldn't i be?

francocolapinto: choose your words carefully lando... i'll be on british soil before you know it

landonorris: why is it just me you're going after the whole twitch gc agree

charles_leclerc: not sure what you're on about here lando

georgerussell63: i've always been impressed by y/n's trivial pursuit skills

alexalbon: i love her so much i let her win

francocolapinto: @landnorris consider this a warning

landonorris: how did i end up with the threats again?

user27: franco does not play omg

yourusername: he's the biggest loverboy eva

yourusername

liked by georgerussell63, alexalbon and 603,029 others

tagged: francocolapinto & alexalbon

yourusername: reunited and it feels so good !

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user28: i have never felt jealousy like this

user29: hey siri play that should be me by justin bieber

user30: you're telling me i gotta live and people like y/n get to have an f1 driver brother AND franco colapinto as her new years kiss ???

francocolapinto: longest ten days of my LIFE

yourusername: you can't get rid of me now

francocolapinto: good! i need my fix of y/n :3

francocolapinto: i'm addicted to you

yourusername: you're addicted? they're tryna make me go to rehab

francocolapinto: but i said

yourusername: no

francocolapinto: no !

user31: are these motherfuckers quoting amy winehouse ???

alexalbon: worse, they're actually singing it to each other right now

user32: WHAT? show it to me rachel....

georgerussell63: wait he came to england ????

francocolapinto: yes! you're no longer the hottest f1 driver in the country - i'm so sorry!

georgerussell63: @alexalbon please tell me this little menace is not crashing your festivities?

alexalbon: well technically ... franco is family so he's got more of a right to an invite than you ...

francocolapinto: snooze you lose georgie boy

georgerussell63: you need better taste y/n

yourusername: wanna say that again

alexalbon: oh george ...

georgerussell63: you need better taste y/n

landonorris: oop.

yourusername: I DON'T CARE IF IT'S MEANT TO BE NEW YEAR NEW ME, IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL THERE WILL BE NO 2025 FOR YOU RUSSELL

francocolapinto: that's so fucking hot

yourusername: i love you <3

francocolapinto: i love you more

kimiantonelli: do i have a teammate for next year or?

fin.

note: amazing news!!! the vets found that my cat was too healthy to be put down so he lives to slay another day. hope you enjoy this celebratory franco fic, my first for him i think? (can you tell i need to update my masterlist?)

[thatonebirdwrites]

Yessss. All of the above. The knives theory helped me conceptualize what it felt when I ran out of spoons but had to get out of the knives to force myself through an activity anyway. Then, upon end of activity, I collapse and am useless for days. The knives cut deep when I used them to finish that activity. But people often don't see the consequences of what it's like to run out of spoons and be forced into taking the knives instead. They just assume I am lying about my energy needs when in all actuality, I'm actually undercounting my needs. I got out the knives because I was not caring for my body properly. Instead, I made finishing the activity/dong-x-or-y-thing more important than my health. The consequences of that is collapse, which could end with me in the hospital.

This is a concept I WISH doctors or really any healthcare worker and social worker understood. Many tell me that I need to "exercise to get better" and that I should do inpatient physical therapy and really push my body to learn to walk again.

But what would that do?

That would use up months of spoons, and I'd be forced to use the knives, which cuts deep into my health. Every time I pushed myself into knife categories?

I've ended up in the hospital in a very, very bad way.

Some of us cannot do x or y thing. Sometimes we have an energy-limiting disease that makes certain types of exercise harmful to do. More exercise will not cure me. It will act as a knife and bleed me dry, to the point I'm hospitalized.

I wish more folks understood this.

I know we talk a lot about keep jumping on boxes, but I'm honestly so grateful for Joe hills' knife theory; a variation on spoon theory that says once you're out of spoons, you can choose to take knives instead in the knowledge that it will hurt later. and the number of times I've told myself 'ok let's take the knives' is so high that I've found it really helps to acknowledge it. Thanks, Joe

[breakyourrxles]

❥between two breaths (m) | 𝟡

𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞

↳ The surprises keep coming, and after a barely-survived stint at Idol Radio and an unexpected confession from a bandmate; you become a little bit more willing to take on some risks of your own.

kim sunwoo x fem!reader (side lee juyeon x reader) — idol!sunwoo, fan/trainee!reader. forced proximity, forbidden love, friends to lovers, angst, slow burn, idolverse-typical themes regarding; dating, image, public perception, etc. happy ending, plot-heavy!! reader thinks she's nonchalant about it but she rly isn't. smut. [7,2k wc ongoing] cws: heavy themes of wanting-but-can't-having, mild jealousy, explicit sexual content, a little alcohol consumption, dancing on the edge of career suicide, poor decision making because of The Wanting.

❥ masterlist | ao3

"Arguably, that's precisely why we need more private time." Sunwoo grins and then says, "If it's going to keep happening, then it should most definitely be more private."

The door shuts behind you and with a blank stare you say, "This is a really bad idea."

Your manager looks up from the open laptop in front of him, and as if somewhat anticipating the pushback, he sighs heavily and asks, "And why is that?"

"It wasn't that long ago that we had a meeting where we discussed how the company wouldn't even let us be in the same room in front of cameras, now all of a sudden I'm going on his radio show?" Plopping down into a seat, you slump down into it like all of the life is slowly draining from your form. Not far from the truth. "What changed? It doesn't make any sense."

"Welcome to idol life, the company is going to make a lot of changes and decisions that don't make any sense to you. They don't have to. It isn't your job to make sense of them, it's your job to show up and do what you're instructed to do with a smile on your face and little fuss about it."

"So, that's it? Just shut up and let the pieces fall where they may?" you ask.

He pulls his glasses off from his face and sets them on the table, rubs his eyes with the pads of his fingers and says, "I don't want us to have a tumultuous relationship with one another, but there isn't much I can do about it. We are all taking orders from the top, myself included."

There is silence that follows thereafter, and though you understand where he is coming from, the unknown of what is soon to come does not sit atop you without its weight. He must not feel contented by the outcome of this either, because after only a short amount of time passed he speaks up again.

"It's going to generate activity. People who are aware of your history together are going to be tuned in to watch because they're curious about how it's going to look between you now. They want to find something, they want to see something; and if they can't, then they'll probably just make something up. Depending on how this goes the company will then make a decision about how the two of you will be managed as a unit in public going forward."

"Ah." You nod once, a sarcastic acceptance of the plan as it is paid out before you. "If the court of public opinion doesn't go ahead and lambast me online for something that I may or may not even do, then there's going to be more where this came from."

"Essentially, yes." He puts his glasses back on, turns his attention back to the computer and says, "So, let's do our best to minimize negative perception as much as we can. Who knows? Maybe the people will love you together."

You severely doubt that.

Jubi is a powerful vocalist and Nara is firm and outspoken in ways that tend to be divisive. Between the incredible raw talent and a tough temperament, the conversations of the evening tend to have little to do with you. All according to plan, and you're perfectly happy to sit back and bide your time as the minutes of recording tick down toward your freedom.

Watching Sunwoo work like this is fascinating. His idol persona feels like it is an extension of himself but turned up to eleven. Everything is explosive reactions and playful flirting with fans through the large window that looks out over the street. There are so many people outside—people here to see MVNE and Sunwoo alike—and while they appear to be pleased with the way the event is turning out, there is nothing to say that the conversations surrounding it online are anything close to the same peaceful understanding.

You try not to think about it. You watch Jubi and Nara hold their own with little input from you, but you cannot simply sit back in silence and bring nothing to the table. Doing so reeks of some air of guilt; a woman with something shameful to hide, regardless of the nasty truth behind that perception.

Nearing the end of questioning, Sunwoo's attention turns to you. There's a glimmer of something in his eye that you know to be troublesome. Surely, he is smart enough not to invent problems where there doesn't need to be any… Right?

"How does it feel? Being on the other side of idol and fan culture?"

Truth be told, you are not prepared to discuss this topic in any facet whatsoever.

But you cannot react. You are not afforded the luxury of expressing any feelings of discomfort or awkwardness in relation to this question. Everything is an act and playing it cool is of the utmost importance in all situations they may happen to fall upon you. Inside, you are screaming. You want to leap across the room and rip Sunwoo into a headlock, threatening to murder him in front of all of his precious onlookers and really give them something to post about once they get home.

Instead? You smile and cock your head to the side cutely.

"Well, it's different, of course. I would say it's impossible to anticipate what you're getting into when transitioning to the other side. It's easy to believe that you understand so much from being so close to it, but it really is quite a learning experience. Being in fandom was a beautiful part of my life that I could never come to regret, but I also wouldn't give this up for anything in the world, either. I think I'm right where I'm meant to be."

Jubi and Nara both look at you with soft smiles and proud eyes. It's a good answer, but more than that, it's a truthful one.

When filming wraps and you slip away into the green room for your belongings, there's a message waiting for you on your phone.

Manager [21:48]: Not able to accompany you back to your dorm, needed elsewhere for the evening. Sunwoo's manager will ensure that you get back safely. Great work tonight, rest well.

Okay, mildly annoying. Ultimately, this does not disrupt your evening too much though. Jubi and Nara have other late-night schedules to attend to and thus it makes sense that you are not sent to be dealt with by the other MVNE managers, but being sent off with Sunwoo presents a whole different set of difficulties that you are not so in the mood to be dealing with.

Specifically, being seen entering the same car as him.

You roll your eyes to nobody but yourself as you imagine it happening and the potential fallout as a result. Realistically, this should not be a situation, at all. The two of you are labelmates, and in any other job it is not so ridiculous to think that colleagues may share rides and be seen going places together.

Unfortunately, the idol life is no such career choice.

This could be a mess, but you don't really have another option.

Exiting from the venue, you and the other girls walk behind Sunwoo and maintain a substantial amount of space. Many fans are lined up near the vehicles that stand waiting for you, and through excited waves and huge smiles, the four of you continue on towards the moment of truth.

One girl from the crowd shouts Jubi's name and asks where it is that MVNE is headed to next. She says that she hopes you're able to enjoy a nice meal, and though you allow your groupmate to have this interaction, it also serves as the perfect opportunity for you.

Jubi frowns so big that you think it could be seen from space and says, "Nara and I have another schedule to go to! No rest for us, yet!"

"I'll go home and I'll be sure to rest well and eat well," you say, "but I have to go with the other car and send the girls off on their way, unfortunately."

The crowd whines in unison, sad for the fact that you must be split from your friends, and just as it begins dying down you feel a small touch to your arm. A manager urging you to come along and be on your way.

"Time to go! Thank you so much for coming out, it was so much fun! Get warm and have delicious meals together. We'll meet again soon!"

You waste no more time climbing into the van. Your head is down, eyes glued to the cement beneath your feet and trying not to think about any of the curious others that may be watching you on account of all of this. The thoughts have to be pushed away, the worry is not something that you can do anything about, nor is the aftermath of it. 

Sunwoo is standing just beside the open door, and though you pass him to get inside, you don't look at him, either.

Fan interaction carries on even once the van pulls away, and you have no other option than to swallow down the welling anxiety inside of you and engage with just as much enthusiasm as before.

Once the last face has disappeared into the dark distance, the windows roll back up and you all but melt into the leather seat beneath you.

There is no peace for you here, however.

Sunwoo—sitting in front of you—swings around and props his chin up on the headrest to look at you. 

"I have a surprise."

Slowly, your eyes close. "I do not like the sound of that."

"Oh, come on!" he whines. "I went through all of this trouble to do something nice for us and this is how you're going to repay me?"

"I just survived one of the most stressful nights of my very new idol career and now you're telling me about some surprise you have orchestrated? Forgive me for not immediately jumping for joy when all I really want to do is bury myself six feet in the ground."

Sunwoo is perceptive, despite his unwillingness to meet someone halfway with their emotional earnestness the majority of the time. He is more than capable of understanding when the vibes, for all intents and purposes, are off, but whether or not he feels like feeling with that can be a whole different kind of beast.

Still, he must be feeling especially receptive tonight, because his eyes narrow slightly as he stares at you and rather than doubling down on the humor he says, "You did really well tonight. Everyone loved you and you carried yourself impressively. This was pretty much a nightmare scenario for the both of us and it worked out in the end, let yourself have a sigh of relief."

As annoying as it may be when he is right, right he is. You do exactly that and try to breathe out all of the negative energy that has accumulated inside of you with one, swift sigh, and once it's done you find his eyes and ask, "Alright, what's the surprise?"

Sunwoo smiles big and wide, pleased by the outcome of this and says, "We're going to dinner!"

You shoot up from your lazy position, adrenaline and horror flooding beneath your skin.

"We're what!?"

"Don't worry so much! I have a spot, a kind of best kept secret among idols for where to go when you don't want to be bothered and definitely don't want to be seen. It's very discreet, much more so than the places we used to meet."

In the moment, all you can manage to give as a response is a slow, exhausted drawl of his name.

"You should trust me more! I wouldn't do something to put either of us at risk of something that will make things much worse for us."

"You literally have! You do! What was that stint backstage? The place was crawling with staff and our members and that certainly didn't stop you."

Sunwoo hums thoughtfully for a second and then, seemingly accepting defeat, says, "Okay, fair enough, but I was desperate and desperate times call for desperate measures! Besides, I wouldn't do it again, which is precisely why I have instead gone out of my way to arrange something smarter and safer." He extends an arm out, flops his hand in the air in your direction despite not being able to actually reach you. "I know you think I'm crazy and too risky, and that's kind of true, but I'm trying to reel it in for you! Is it a crime to want to see you more than just in the hallways of the company building?"

Looking at him and the subsequent pout that's now sitting on his face, you relent just a bit to his thoughtful intent. He's doing his best, even if it's simply not very good. 

And besides, he looks far too cute when he's pouting like this.

"No, it's not, but also… I don't know how good of an idea it is that we be given more private time, all things considered as of recent."

"Arguably, that's precisely why we need more private time." Sunwoo grins and then says, "If it's going to keep happening, then it should most definitely be more private."

Sunwoo's chumminess with his manager is something you have known for a while now, though you've never quite seen it in action with this much clarity.

The van comes to a stop in a narrow, unlit alleyway. There is so little space that you and Sunwoo have no other option than to shimmy your bodies between the concrete walls and the vehicle itself, and upon reaching the drivers side window, it rolls down and the man behind the wheel firmly informs the two of you that you have thirty minutes, and not a second longer will be spent here.

It's for the best, because Miyoung is at home and expecting your return. Already, you will need to think of an alibi for your lateness, but at the very least, you always have the Seoul roadways to blame when the time spent lost in transit is not so egregious.

Only a few steps are needed to reach the entrance, and after offering a couple of knocks to the door, it swings open and the two of you are met by a pretty young woman dressed all in black. She smiles and steps to the side so that you can go inside, but before you do, Sunwoo turns back to look at you and with a familiar slighted grin you have seen so many times before says, "Just like old times."

Not quite, you think in response.

Inside of the building, the lights are so dim that you find difficulty in navigating what lies ahead of you. 

Quickly you make your way past the kitchen and restrooms, into an area that is small, cramped, and filled with small rooms that have tables inside. All of them offer a curtain in front, and on your way through you glance inside one of them and make brief eye contact with a well-known actress sitting with her male companion for the evening.

Anxiety heightens within you, but just as it does you find that you have reached your destination.

With a smile that never falters, the hostess offers your table and both you and Sunwoo take seats opposite of each other. The curtain is closed, and even though you seem to be surrounded by people with what may be even bigger secrets than the two of you hold, you cannot help but feel that tumultuous twisting deep inside of your stomach.

The one thing that dwindles it, however, is a single glance towards Sunwoo. His sweatshirt is oversized much like his jeans and with a simple set of glasses clinging to his face, he almost looks like a simple, regular guy. Granted, much more handsome, but regular nonetheless.

Drinks arrive soon after, and once the woman takes her leave you look at Sunwoo once again and ask, "So, I take it you've been here before?"

A corner of his lip twists upwards and as he brings the glass to his face he says, "Sure have."

"I suppose that's promising, since I haven't heard anything about that before."

"Jealous? Thinking about all of the stuff I might have been getting up to before we met?"

You roll your eyes. "You're the jealous one between the two of us, not me."

Sunwoo folds his hands together atop the table and leans himself over it closer towards you. He appears far too amused by the events that have transpired up until now, and despite knowing you are in fairly safe hands here, you feel a chill crawl over your skin given the close proximity and your limited privacy.

"We'll see about that," he says, and then sits back normally against his chair. "I have a drama coming up, shooting begins soon. I wanted to tell you the good news in person, figured it was something worthy of a little celebration."

Your face lights up. "That's amazing news, and absolutely worth celebrating! No wonder you dragged me out here like this, and here I thought your intentions were always going to be something nefarious."

An eyebrow perks up, questioning and suspicious. He says, "My intentions are never nefarious, I just want to spend time with you." Sunwoo shrugs the tangential topic off and then continues on with the previous point. "Anyway, it's a pretty big deal for me. I don't have a lot of acting experience so I'm a little nervous about it, but what's really exciting is that it's a romance."

"That sounds perfect for you, honestly. The bad boy schtick never really did land with you, not for anyone who has known you for longer than ten minutes."

"You're being annoying but I'm going to ignore that in favor of mentioning the fact that there's going to be a kiss scene."

You don't like the way hearing that makes you feel.

It's acting. It is only as real as the physicality of ensuring that a scene is properly displayed to the viewer in whichever way it is intended to be. The logical part of your brain begins to work overtime in an effort to explain your feelings on this away, and while it helps a tiny bit, there is still an inkling of unfortunate displeasure lingering heavily in the center of your chest.

After a stiff sip of your drink, you place it back down on the table, force a smile that does little to sell the point and say, "I'm sure you're delighted by that fact."

"Should I be?"

Exhausted by this already, you sigh in an effort to express as much. "I don't know, Sunwoo. Should you? Are you? What difference does it make, it's your job. I doubt you're going to have that hard of a time kissing a beautiful woman on camera." 

He appears far too pleased by all of this once you have finished with your statement. More than that, Sunwoo leans over the table once again, folds his fingers together and while looking you dead in the eye he says, "I think it's about due time for an honest discussion about things going forward."

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

Your skin feels like it's on fire, throat dry as a result of the intense stare that Sunwoo has captured you in. He is rarely serious—especially this much so—but you know him well enough to know precisely when the switch has flipped from something light and comical to something far more urgent and necessary. These moments are uncommon; Sunwoo prefers to communicate in efforts and actions rather than words, so if he says it's time to talk, then you can only imagine what is waiting for you on the other side of it.

"It means…" he starts, drawing out the word at the end, "That I want to see you, and I think I've made that pretty obvious for a while now, but with it laid out plainly like this you aren't going to be able to deflect or pretend that you don't know. You're just going to have to face it head-on. We both are."

Sunwoo's voice is surprisingly firm when he says it, a stark difference to your own racing heart and shaky exhales as you do your best to steady yourself in the heaviness of his confession. He's right—right about all of it—a jagged pill to swallow going forward because just as intended, Sunwoo has trapped you in a circumstances where you cannot escape this, you can't run away and pretend that you do not know the thing that you very much do know, and frankly, have known for a while.

The problem therein is less with your understanding of him, and more with your inability to find the strength to cut free of the shackles of terror that bind you and meet him anywhere close to halfway.

Your lips part, though no words leave them immediately. Thoughts swim in your mind so muddled and messy that it's difficult to understand where one starts and another begins. You have to answer him, you have to reply, and all the while his gaze towards you never falters.

"I…" You stop, take a deep breath and then go on to say, "I'm terrified. I'm scared of the risk, scared of getting caught… I…" Another pause follows, because the thing that you want to say is something that you have never dared to utter to another person ever before. Now or never, you suppose. As good of a time as any, and if nothing else, Sunwoo deserves the honesty in exchange for his own. "I want to, but I'm just fucking scared."

"I know that, but as fun as stealing risky kisses is, not even I'm delusional enough to think we can keep getting away with it forever. At some point we're just going to have to make a decision… A decision to do this, or to not do it, and then put it to bed forever if that's the case."

Matching him, you lean across the table and close more of the space hanging between you. Like this, the two of you are so close to one another, but Sunwoo does not falter in any way despite your proximity.

"Why now? I just debuted, we have a comeback in less than a week… Why does it have to be now? Can't this wait until my group is a little bit more established? Until something like this being found out might not be the complete ruination of mine and the other girls' lives?"

"Is it fair to ask me to wait for a day that might not ever come?" Sunwoo asks, and along with it, he slowly stands and closes more of the space between you. "Are you asking me to wait forever?" His hand comes up to cradle your jaw, his face inching closer to yours. "Because I might, if you do."

Sunwoo kisses you then, and for the first time, the worry of who might be around to see it completely melts away.

Caked in stage-ready make-up, you look at yourself in the mirror and for a moment, you don't even recognize the person staring back at you.

It's been days since your last meeting with Sunwoo and the conversation that was carried out. The words have sat in your mind ever since—will you, or won't you—but the thought of making a decision leaves you paralyzed. The answer is an obvious one if not for the extenuating circumstances that you've now found yourself in; a chance at something that you never thought you would be able to have now waiting in your grasp, waiting for you to throw all caution to the wind and just say yes. 

But you have no other option than to make a decision based on the worst possible case scenario, and based on the responses from your stint on Idol Radio, you're simply unsure it's a risk that you're willing to take.

Lukewarm is the best way to put it, though surprisingly, the displeased responses are less about you, and more about Sunwoo. Many onlookers question his presentation of the topic in relation to your history together in general, and frankly, you don't really blame them.

You are lauded for responding well, professional and polite and it would appear that most do not press beyond it to see what might be hiding within the shadows. One commenter says that you can hardly even tell that she was ever his fan, and at the very least, it's an amusing take considering all that is going on behind the scenes.

Now, like so many other times, you have to put all of these thoughts behind you and prepare for your comeback showcase. MVNE are ready, standing by for their call and doing last minute fixes on headset microphones and appearances, but only a few minutes stand between your group and the start of the show. Will it be received well? you wonder to yourself, such a drastic change in song already when compared to your debut.

And there are already extenuating circumstances hanging overhead. Hyemi's small mishap and now yours. Things that someone, somewhere, will always make a point to mention should their intent be to disparage and destroy.

A woman on the staff knocks and then swiftly opens the door to tell you and the other girls that it's time, and thus, you all shuffle out of the room and to the backstage area in wait.

The staff on hand for this event is much smaller, and so the area offers far more room for comfort than that of busy festivals. You make your way out and navigate towards the stage, but not before catching the eye of someone that you have grown rather fond of over the past few months.

With cue cards in hand and slicked back black hair, Juyeon cocks his head in a delighted sort of way and greets you pleasantly.

"Nervous?"

You shake your head. "Not any more than the usual amount, but I suppose there is always reason for moderate concern. What if I break an ankle?"

"I don't think most jump straight to that. You're going to be great, I'm looking forward to it." He dangles the cue cards in hand with a smile and says, "Lucky me, wrestling the MC spot out of Hyunjae's clutches."

"You know, there's enough of you that the chances of getting someone I'm friendly with are rather low. Starting to believe you're becoming a fan."

Juyeon smiles and then says, "Oh, of course I am."

A staff member calls for him, he gives his last good lucks and goodbyes, and off he goes to begin the show.

With barely a moment going by between them, Nara steps up beside you with nervous hands and shaky eyes.

"What?" you insist, the evidence of something on her mind painted onto her features in ways you've not quite seen from her before.

She swallows hard. "Uh, you seem close to Juyeon." 

Oh no. This is really the last thing you need, all things considered. It's bad enough that Woori seems intent on believing that your circumstances with Sunwoo are spiraling out of control, but on top of it, her eye is keen enough to spot a budding interest in Juyeon, as well. Regardless of what that may, or may not, entail currently. 

Must you hardness all interactions you have with the people around you, even amongst your own band members and friends? Is it truly an impossibility to merely have a friendship with someone like Juyeon without it being placed under a microscope for dissecting? If Juyeon were less handsome, less desired, less personable; would this still be a problem you are now meant to deal with?

It's not even like that. At least, you are fairly sure of the fact.

Your hands fly up, waving around wildly in front of you. "Oh, no! We're just… We worked together not long ago, you know? It's not anything like—"

"I wasn't suggesting that, actually." Nara's fingers pick at the skin around her nails nervously, a habit frowned upon by the staff intent on keeping all of the members in tip-top physical appearance. You've never seen her like this, and before she begins to state the fact, you're already beginning to realize where it is that she is going with this. "I'm saying this because… Well, I'm curious about what you know about him. If he's seeing anyone right now, if maybe…"

"You're interested."

"Of course I'm interested!" Nara bites back, all but flying off the handle at the obvious statement. She quickly reels her reaction in, presses closer to you and drops to a whisper to say, "Who wouldn't be interested? Anyway, don't make a big deal about it! I'm just wondering."

Your heart sinks, and you're not quite sure what to make of that. Juyeon is your friend, and you have more than enough on your plate already with a man that desperately wishes for you to take the plunge like it appears that so many others surrounding you are perfectly willing and happy to take. Why is Nara so willing to risk it for a man that she barely even knows? you question yourself. Why are you completely unwilling to give that to someone who begs for it? 

However, it is not your job to reprimand Nara for her consideration. You are not the leader, you are her peer, and with this in mind you have no other option than to make a neutral choice.

With a pointed effort to steady yourself, you clear your throat and then say, "He's not seeing anyone, not to my knowledge, at least."

"Is he nice? He seems nice, if you're friends with him."

"Yeah, Juyeon is very easy to get along with. Very mature, he's not really anything like what he presents on stage."

Nara smiles wide hearing the news, and you wish you could feel even a fraction of the joy that she is in that moment.

"Maybe you could put in a good word for me," she says. "You know, something small. Something that might get him to see me."

The lights dim on stage, the sound system loudly booms to life, and you couldn't be more thankful for the jarring interruption.

"Yeah, I'll see what I can do."

But truthfully, the only thing you have any intention of doing is messaging Sunwoo as soon as you can possibly manage it.

It's a little past eleven at night and you are wearing sunglasses.

Not just sunglasses, but two jackets with both hoods pulled over your head and a scarf. Granted, it's a bit cold outside, and maybe you can get away with dressing in such a way that doesn't draw too much attention. Is it overkill? Perhaps, but you're not really willing to take any chances.

To add to the already ridiculous situation you have landed yourself in, you're a few glasses of celebratory wine in and feeling a bit bolder than you usually might. A little dizzy and a lot loose as far as decision making goes. Nobody knows where you are, at least, not yet.

You knock on the door.

The time between doing so and the door opening feels like forever, but you aren't an anticipated guest and you have to imagine that there is a kind of due diligence that must be done when it comes to unexpected visitors. You look around the halls to ensure that the coast remains clear, and then finally, the door cracks apart.

His eyes are wide, obviously surprised by your standing there. Really, who can blame him?

Smiling awkwardly, you say, "Hi, uh…"

Younghoon blinks a couple of times but doesn't immediately say anything, either. He turns to look behind him, looks back at you and then says, "You should probably get inside."

You walk in, slowly begin disrobing from all of the excess things covering your body, and then hear Chanhee let out a cackle as he peeks around the corner to see what all of the fuss is about.

Fair enough.

He yells for Sunwoo shortly after, though he does not offer additional info in doing so. You hear a door down the hall swing open, then hurried footsteps following it.

Sunwoo enters the open space, turns to look towards the door to find you, and his eyes widen like he has just seen a ghost.

"You…" he begins slowly, like he isn't quite sure what to make of what he is seeing. "Are here."

"Yeah, sure would seem to be the case, wouldn't it?"

Younghoon remains awkwardly perched by the door, and upon closing it, covers his ears and makes his way out of the line of fire.

"I don't know what this is but I don't want any part of it. I'm just going to pretend I haven't seen nor heard anything and that's going to be the end of that."

Sunwoo moves towards you, takes you by the wrist and says, "He's right, the less they know, the better."

Once inside of Sunwoo's room he offers you his seat at his desk, and takes it upon himself to settle at the edge of his bed. You've never been here before—never imagined you would be—but now that you are, it feels incredibly surreal to experience.

There's a game up on the computer monitor and a couple of empty glasses littering the table. Some pieces of clothing litter the floor, but not nearly as bad as you might have expected when deciding to show up here.

"A message would have been good," Sunwoo says.

"Kind of a last minute thing."

"Those comeback drinks hitting especially hard tonight, huh?"

You shoot him a sort of mocking expression and say, "If I had known you were going to be annoying about it I wouldn't have come at all."

Chuckling a little, Sunwoo says, "That's not true, you absolutely knew I was going to be annoying about it, which begs the question…" There's a brief passing of silence between you, as if he hopes that you'll pick up the other half without his prompting, but when you don't, he proceeds. "Why are you here?"

"To tell you the truth, I'm not quite sure, myself."

"Is that the truth?"

Sunwoo's voice is soft and careful as he says it, as if presenting something to the both of you that still remains unspoken. Inside of yourself, you do know the truth, but still you dance around it as if continuing to do so will change the fact of the matter. With your hands folded in your lap, you look down at them, inhaling slowly before choosing the words that you intend to move forward with.

"What's wrong with wanting to see my—"

"Don't say your friend," Sunwoo interjects, his gaze on you firm and resolute. "We're not friends, we haven't been for a long time. People don't take risks like this for their friends, idols don't dress up like they've taken bank robbery advice from movies to visit their friends."

You close your eyes and let the words sink in. You think of Nara and her interest in Juyeon—wonder if she would be willing to do this for a chance to spend time with him—the conversation from earlier still heavy on your shoulders as if only just having happened.

"How are you not mortified by your own existence?" you ask him, voice shaky as the words leave your lips. "How are you not terrified by what you've seen happen to other people in the industry? How can you just… Throw all caution to the wind and be willing to let the pieces fall where they may?"

Looking at you, Sunwoo's lips thin into what can only be described as an adoring smile. He watches you in silence for a few moments, truly taking in the sight of you being there and vulnerable with him. Bad boy schtick be damned, he never did quite sell it as what was meant to be intended.

"We're not the first idols to date," he says quietly, "and we sure as hell won't be the last. For every one couple that gets found out, there's ten that never do. You just have to make sure you're a part of the ten."

"It's becoming harder and harder to say no to you, you make it all sound so easy."

Sunwoo shrugs, all nonchalant about the whole thing and says, "Well, it's not exactly rocket science, you know? But it'd be a lot easier if you didn't make me resort to stealing you away backstage where anyone could just wander by."

"No one makes you do that!"

"You do!" he says, pointing a finger. "Your waffling is what's making this harder! Just jump!"

Exasperated, you let out a heavy sigh and fight back by saying, "I'm here, aren't I?"

Another grin pulls at his lips, and slowly he brings himself up from the bed and towards you. Sunwoo's hands grip at the edge of his desk and box you into place beneath him, his face mere inches away from your own. "Yes, yes you are."

"We could ruin a lot of lives if this goes wrong."

Pressing forward, Sunwoo's breath is warm against the skin of your cheek, and with his lips only ghosting against your own he says, "Then we just have to make sure that it doesn't."

When his mouth finds yours, it's softer than all of the other times. There is no urgency behind it, no time limit sitting at the back of either of your minds as you allow yourself to succumb to it. Instead, this time you revel in the feeling; your worries falling away with every gentle nip of his teeth against your bottom lip.

Satisfied, Sunwoo leisurely creates space between you once again and says, "By the way, we've started filming for my drama, might need all of the practice I can get." He steals another swift kiss and then pulls away entirely in favor of happily spinning himself back to his previous position on his bed. "So, you can think of it like it's work. Actor training, and all that."

With a racing heart and electric nerves, you try to steady your thoughts enough to give anything close to a coherent response. Your phone vibrates, which almost certainly cannot be anything good, and messily digging it out of your pocket with shaky hands you say, "You want me to be your training dummy for kissing another woman? How romantic."

Sunwoo's face drops and twists into a pout. "Well, it's not when you put it like that." His attention turns to the device in your hand then and he says, "Who's messaging you?"

And you desperately wish he hadn't asked upon seeing the name pop up in your notifications.

Unfortunately, your physical reaction betrays you, and Sunwoo is far too in tuned with the goings on in front of him to not notice the shift. He squints a little as he waits for your reply, a once innocent question he has posed now morphing into knowledge that he has acquired and seeks more of.

"It's nothing," you say. "It's not important."

"Not what I asked!" He leaps out of his seat and towards you, grasping at your phone in order to get a peek of the screen. You do your best to keep it away from him; limbs flying about and giggles filling the air on account of how ridiculous this has all become. With it expertly placed behind your back and Sunwoo's hand wrapped around the wrist that keeps it from him, he pushes his face close to yours again and says, "You're being super dodgy about this, which you wouldn't be if it was one of the girls. That only means…"

Sunwoo kisses you again, this time harder and with much more intent behind the action. His free hand slips down to rest atop your thigh—you know precisely the angle he's going for—yet it does little to grant you the ability to remain firm in your defenses.

After all, he is stronger than you, and he uses this to his advantage in yanking you up from the seat, spinning you to hold your back to his chest, and turning your arm so that the screen is on full display to the both of you.

It lights up, the notification looks so much bigger than you remember it being. You're projecting, sure, but it's really not the best time for this.

Not that it's even anything, of course.

"Oh!"

You feel Sunwoo reel physically from behind you, though his grip on you doesn't let up. Instead, his head dips down so that his chin rests on your shoulder and with his face right beside your own he says, "Pretty late in the night to be getting messages from a guy." Letting go, Sunwoo spins you around to face him, crosses his arms over his chest and glares at you. "Not really ever a good time to be getting messages from him, if you ask me."

"We're just friends."

"So were we! So you'll have to forgive me for kind of knowing where that whole thing leads!"

Rolling your eyes, you huff out a sigh. "It's different. Juyeon and I have never… Anything, and he has given me no reason to believe that he might, unlike some incredibly demanding people that I know!"

Sunwoo points a finger at you again, and if there were any intention to say something in that very moment, he ultimately swallows it down in favor of not saying anything of the sort. He is clearly disbelieving to some degree, though you can't quite fathom why given the circumstances at play. Ultimately, you know well enough that jealousy makes itself something of a mainstay in every fiber of his being, and beginning to traverse new, previously uncharted waters as far as you are concerned is the lifeblood of that exact inclination.

"We're just friends," you repeat. "One of my members is interested, though."

"And how do you feel about that?"

Thinking over the question, you do your best to settle on something that is honest and thorough. You don't like it, and there is a whirlwind of feelings inside of you in relation to it that you haven't completely been able to parse through just yet. New information that requires attentiveness that you haven't been able to give it, but you do know one thing about it all.

"Annoyed." Shoving your phone back into your pocket, you look at Sunwoo like you're a little bit defeated by it all and shrug with exaggeration. "Why am I the only one who cares? Why am I the only one willing to make myself smaller so that the rest can grow?"

"I don't think that's true," Sunwoo reasons, and extending his arm out, he gently pulls your hand into his. "But I do think you have somewhat unrealistic expectations of it all, because of your background in all of this. I know you feel like there's a target on your back—and that's not entirely untrue—but you can't just… Not live your life. No one else is doing that. They never really have. It's pretend, everybody is just making it up."

"Isn't idol 101 not dating?"

The expression that comes across Sunwoo's face is one of being humored by the words, but alongside of it sits a small hint of doting patronizing.

Shaking his head, he says, "No, man. Idol 101 is simply not getting caught doing it."

[whatwooshkai]

Chase, C H A S E

5 letters

Number 5!!please🎊

"Chase."

Chase steels his doorwings to a neutral position, finials flattened against his helm. "Yes?"

Ultra Magnus sighs heavily. "You failed. Again."

Chase pulls in his field in before it can betray him. No, no, no, no-

"It's a three strikes, you're out, system," Ultra Magnus continues. "And you've had five. Which has been on us, as well." He sighs again. "We have poured a lot of money and resources into you, Chase. And we are determined not to let that go to waste." He shuffles the data pads in his hands, setting them on the desk and pushing them to the side. "We're sending you to the Rescue Bots Academy."

Chase's finials flick, but he doesn't respond. Ultra Magnus sighs again, and the flimsy on his desk flutters with the force of it. "Chase," he says again. "Look at me."

Chase does as he's told, meeting Ultra Magnus' optics. His expression softens. "I am not mad, just disappointed," he starts again. "We had such high hopes for you. But I believe a change of scenery might be what you need."

Something suddenly occurs to Chase, and he can't help the way his kibble flattens to his frame in horror. "What about my batch? Will they be moving with me?"

Ultra Magnus frowns at him. "The rest of your batch passed with flying colors, Chase. They are a cohort now. And they are to be stationed on their first assignment next week."

Chase's tanks drop. "...Without me?"

Ultra Magnus sighs again. "Yes, without you. I know of batch and cohort coding, I experience it myself. And I know it will be hard, but you bring down their entire performance." He frowns down at Chase. "You will gain a new cohort, one you may choose this time."

Static is roaring in Chase's audials. His batch. Moving on without him?

He'll be... alone?"

"-ase? CHASE!"

Chase snaps to attention again, nearly shaking. "Yes?" he manages.

Ultra Magnus pinches the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and his thumb. "Chase, I am only going to tell you this once. You will not fail. If you fail out of the Academy, you will be considered a failure, and be fully abandoned by the Iaconian Enforcers. You will not do well on your own." Ultra Magnus' tone is almost pleading. "Do not fail me again, Chase."

"Okay," Chase says, almost too quiet to hear in his own audials over the static.

"You leave tomorrow morning. I'll walk you there myself." Ultra Magnus walks around his desk and places a hand on Chase's shoulder, nearly brushing his doorwing. Chase suppresses a flinch. "Chase. I believe in you."

"Okay."

Chase's spark is howling, his processor desperately trying to cope with his new reality. Alone. No batch, no cohort, I'm going to be alone-

Ultra Magnus is still speaking. Chase can't hear him.

[aprillikesthings]

Okay so yesterday I did this with the first half of Promise let's see if I can manage the second half lol

and this is where I paused it lol (she just did the "teen self trying not to cry while leaning on the sink and failing, looks up and sees her adult self and is startled," and spiders are about to come out of the mirror)

I know we go on about the voice acting for this show a LOT but Catra's screams of terror are just really well done, okay

(hands)

It's always interesting to me that it takes her a solid like ten seconds from when the big robot spiders wrap her up in webbing, to when she remembers "oh wait I have claws" and frees herself. Like she has this moment first of still shrieking Adora's name even though her mouth is covered, and crying, and THEN she gets herself free.

They do take a split second to show us Catra intentionally making her claws longer, which is Nice. But it always cracks me up that the fandom as a whole seems to have mostly decided that she can retract them enough that it's safe to, uh, put them in sensitive places. Because y'all. They're pointy. She'd have to retract them SO MUCH. There's not room on that first knuckle of each finger!

It's fine, I decided to have that in my canon-based fic instead of having her cut any of them, I get WHY the fandom decided that even though it's not really physically possible lol it's still funny

ANYWAY

Adora's the muscular one but Catra's no weakling, she just fucking tears metal panels off the robot spiders and yanks cables until they snap

fangie!!! it took me four tries to get it without her blinking lol

Twice in this episode they show Adora putting her hand on Catra's shoulder, and Catra shoving it away--both as teenagers and as their current age

(I *know* I've seen/reblogged a gifset or meta post or both about every time Adora puts her hand on Catra's shoulder and how her reaction changes over the course of the story)

oh god. Adora's attempt at getting Catra to change sides is so painful. Because Adora's not wrong, but the way she says it ("I know you're not a bad person, Catra") is just guaranteed to push Catra further away. Well, that, and Light Hope then forces them into one of their shittier memories.

lol this is only happening for a split second before they stop and see the Black Garnet, but I caught it

Man. Adora's "You don't have to go in there." She knows what memory that is immediately, and she knows Catra knows, too. And it's interesting to me that she goes in anyway.

I say this knowing sometimes some memory of my childhood abuse will pop up in my head and I'll end up thinking about it for hours or days, letting myself get angrier about it, because the anger feels better than just being sad. So like...I get it.

I'm not screenshotting this scene. :(

"You've been never been anything more than a nuisance to me. I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you, but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself." God. Not the first person to say it, but the degree to which Shadow Weaver made clear that her only source of safety was Adora liking her explains so much about how when Adora left, 1. It hurt her so much that it got twisted into anger and a desire for revenge, 2. Why she immediately started scrambling for the only other source of safety she knew of, which is power over others

"Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control." And THERE we have why Adora nearly martyrs herself trying to fight Catra and feels responsible for stopping her herself

"You never protected me! Not in any way that would put you on Shadow Weaver's bad side!" Yeah see that's what happens when you're both living under an abusive parent. Unfortunately. Speaking from experience.

Man this whole scene with them arguing has been picked to bits by plenty of people plenty of times lol but god it's just...so well done. There's so much character stuff here, so much that adds meanings to other scenes

"Why do you think I gave the sword back to you in the Fright Zone? I didn't want you to come back, Adora!" Yeah. She both means this and doesn't. Is the thing. I'll never be over the degree to which, from Catra's POV, Adora's actions just keep making her life harder, and so Catra is constantly frozen between missing/wanting Adora (a feeling that, especially after this episode, she's suppressing/denying), and hating her fucking guts.

ALSO I'm repeating myself but the voice acting

AAAUGH

Hah, I was joking about making one of those stretchy letter bracelets that says ilofyaylofmnrbchalawheoypip but my wrist might be too small

That shot of baby!Catra looking at her current self is such a gut punch. And then we see Catra making some decisions, and baby you are going to regret this

(did they run out of animation budget for this ep or did someone just forget to make the sword shiny? I always wonder)

The fucking speech she does. Aaaaugh baby you let that holograph manipulate you into seeing all your memories of Adora through the most bad faith lens possible

(man the music here is great. also side note I've only tried just listening to it on the soundtrack release like, once, because my brain often knew what was happening and it was Too Much)

I do like when she looks this deranged tho ngl

Can’t wait to engage in one of my fave midnight hobbies: get high as balls and rewatch bits of She-Ra and sometimes post screenshots with overemotional/horny captions

[tellmegoodbye]

✨️ End of Year Review ✨️

This year has been a wild one for me! It's safe to say that back in January, I never would have imagined creating as much as I have. I am so happy that I gave myself the chance to come back and try this fandom thing again, and I am so thankful for all of the wonderful people who have been supporting me through everything.

Now, without futher ado, here is my 2024 roundup!

our love will guide us home [30k, T]

Carlos has been lost these past couple of months without TK by his side. To his friends and his family, every day is simply just another day. He figures that as long as he keeps his pain locked away, the hurt will eventually dull. It's his shield. It's the only way he's ever known how to grieve. The universe has a different plan for him this time. All it takes is one frozen lake, one fateful radio call, and the possibility of losing TK forever that forces him to confront it all.

until the end of time [33k, E]

TK knows what it's like to lose someone. He's been exactly where Carlos is now, but standing on the sidelines of grief proves to be harder than he could have ever imagined.

Or, 5 moments before the wedding and 1 moment after.

leave your love in the lamplight [3k, T]

While getting ready for his first day as a Texas Ranger, Carlos finds himself on a journey through clothes and accessories that spark a series of complex emotions.

tonight your tears will fall from the sky [6k, T]

When TK finds himself in an inescapable situation with Tommy and Nancy, he only has one thing left to do.

He has to call his husband.

winds are shifting for our souls [5k, M]

After spending all day worrying about his husband, Carlos receives a call from Tommy and learns of TK's latest brush with death.

with broken wings we fly [10k, E]

In the days leading up to their anniversary, TK is forced to confront the realities surrounding Carlos' obsession.

and the silence sets me free [7k, M]

Six months after his father's death, Carlos is still struggling and has started to close off from the rest of his family. With Christmas coming up and a family dinner he'd rather avoid, a last minute favor brings him and TK to the ranch. Carlos learns that hiding out here isn't as easy as he thought it would be, and with a little help from his relentless husband, he faces the fears that are holding him back from the holidays.

Thank you to the incredible @lutavero for making me this gorgeous ao3 summary!

Thank you @ironheartwriter for helping me create the discord and host @911lonestarevents!

Thank you @herefortarlos for being the most patient beta and an amazing friend!

Thank you @eclectic-sassycoweyes for starting the tag game brainstorming train that would eventually inspire me to start music monday, and thank you to every single person who has participated in that!

Thank you @strandnreyes @lemonlyman-dotcom @carlos-in-glasses @alrightbuckaroo @henrygrass

@heartstringsduet @whatsintheboxmh and @thisbuildinghasfeelings for tagging me to make one of these!

I'm leaving this as an open tag if you want to join in.

[flinnirthefruityfiend]

sometimes i wonder if im actually a unibeing alterhuman or if i just have trauma from being raised very poorly.

i can't even really say my parents raised me. they didn't monitor my teeth brushing, hardly even taught me to floss or use mouthwash, or how to do my hair, didn't monitor my showering or my diet, never took me to the dentist, didn't teach me responsibility of any kind, and pulled me out of school in 2020 when the pandemic hit and "homeschooled" me except they didn't homeschool me at all; they UNschooled me and didn't teach me shit.

they tried to push their bigoted beliefs onto me, which i grew out of, but otherwise didn't bother teaching me anything except having a low self esteem. i'm mostly self reliant now, tho still live with them bc im a minor.

anyway, i wonder if i feel like a unibeing judt because of my trauma and being forced to be self reliant and grow myself up. if it's a trauma induced identity, that's okay, but i wanna know what i really am at the core of my soul, being spiritual and what not.

i am afamilial, and i don't really want to have sex organs, so naturally you'd think i'd be a speciesless and thus family-less creatuee. but i still question how authentic those feelings are. i've always, since in the womb, been kind of reclusive and uninterested in external events and people. at the very least, if i was part of a species, it'd be a highly reclusive one. ive never been happy in my interaction with other people.

but as someone on this site said, you can't look at it from a human perspective. the important part is if you would want to interact and have family and friends with other members of your kind, not humans. and to that, i say, i don't know. i don't really feel like i would. i don't know of a single dragon in this community who even remotely resembles me. i don't know any in fiction or mythology who do either. that said, it doesn't mean that they don't exist, hypothetically. but it still feels like im alone in this, and i'm not a creature just born from another, at least not in the traditional sense of the word.

so i think i am a unibeing, and just happen to have an upbringing that further pushes me into disliking family things. but i guess only time will tell.

[k9emote]

And just to add on! I never said my "art" was 100% by me I simply just didn't tell people, hate to say it but ive actually given up on being an artist because of people like you. I've commissioned and gave you money, and your friends money for art yet you still want to complain about me using somthing almost 4 months ago now to help me put food on the table. What you don't seem to understand is ain't nobody gonna tell you their entire life on the internet. You have no idea what a person could be going through yet you still sent your server of over 3000 people after a 15 year old girl who was just trying to enjoy creating something.

To say that I was "suicide baiting" is crazy because when did I EVER mention killing myself.

And one last thing, your sever is a cult. It's also fucking disgusting. A cesspool of brainless children looking for online relationships. You, yourself being included. It's a breeding ground for grooming and such things. You disgust me. The fact I have multiple screenshots of you saying you were "gods favorite lamb" please get a damn life dude. Your mental unwellness actually is a joke. The way you are open about your disgust for fat people is repulsive. You can't blame trauma on everything hope this helps xx

Your words speak for themselves on your character.

I am not disgusted by fat people. My current partner is plus sized. I asked for advice once on our perspective of incredibly unhealthy overweight people, and if feeling sick when seeing them made us a bad person. Our ex was morbidly obese due to her feederism and v0re kink. she bragged about being overweight to us and sexualized it. She wrote fanfics about force feeding us. She fetishized our ED. She roleplayed vore and feederism nightly behind our back with strangers while we were sleeping in vc together. We are working on untainting the mark she left on us, and that process is not for you to discredit or spread rumors about.

I'm not giving you consequences. I am protecting people and safespaces by alerting them of your repeated abusive behavior to keep people safe. The world does not revolve around you. You are receiving NATURAL CONSEQUENCES for being an ABUSIVE LIAR. No matter your age.

Drop the guilt tripping. Tracing over AI you were generating for art trades was not putting money on the table. You "never said the art was 100% yours", are you fucking serious? Your story of being the victim grows every time you speak. You being 15 does not mean you get to do whatever you want and expect nothing but pity. We tried to help. Us and our mods were there for you to vent to even after you admitted to shit talking us in the past. You did this to yourself.

Blacking out your entire profile and sending cryptid goodbyes to my entire staff team, even people you had never spoken to, is suicide baiting. When we blocked you on our main you found our ALT and sent the same short goodbye message. That comes off strongly as implying suicide.

For the love of god I'm not harassing you I'm just not letting you spit on my name using baseless rumors because you're upset you got caught. What the fuck did you think would happen?

I sent NO ONE after you and I am near COMPLETELY confident you have not been harassed. I have said over and over again to not harass you when I put out info on you to ban for members safety. That is NOT harassment. Your victim complex is insane.

Also. My server is not a "cult" and saying that to a survivors face is repulsive. It isn't a word to throw around and you make me sick. Please leave me alone. Stop messaging me. Stop threatening me. Stop lying about me. It will not make people feel bad for you. It will not make you feel better.

[x--sinner--x]

I desperately want you to force me to rape myself on your cock while my missing person report is playing on the tv. But not just that, I also have to play with my clit until I'm cumming on you and when you get close I have to clench around your cock and move faster so you cum hard and deep inside me. And even after that I'm not allowed to stop raping myself on you or rubbing my clit until you say I can. Maybe we both cum multiple times and each time I do, it pulls your cum deeper into my womb

I'd try not to but there would come a point where I'd stop crying and start moaning and whining for your rapist cock pounding me instead. It'd feel so good feeling your cock push against my cervix. I've always liked how pushing on the cervix makes it feel like you're so deep in me you're in womb. I'd be cumming my brains out so hard because of it that I wouldn't want to stop raping myself on you. Whenever I cum when something is pushing on or pounding my cervix, my legs shake and my eyes roll back and I can't stop myself from moaning and trembling for at least 30 seconds, usually longer

Damn I love how cohesive you write, describing every step of the process, and I quite like the fact that I don't have to do the raping, you would do it to yourself using my cock and that sounds like a dream come true.

Watch how the news puts out search hunts or documentaries on your disappearance with your parents screaming on TV that they would do anything to get you back, and here you are... raping yourself dumb and cumming over and over - which is far important to you than the promise of money.

Of course you are clenching around my cock and cumming hard because what else is your purpose other than to service your rapist and get your repentance that way.

That's how it is and how it will always be

[orange-orchard-system]

I think the worst part about mental health episodes (of many different kinds) is that sometimes they make you seem "better" or "more normal" than you were before, and so not only do people not notice you're in distress, but they want you to be in those episodes

For example, I tend to dive into work when I'm in distress, and my brain comes up with lots of reasons to justify what I'm doing (ex. "I don't deserve to talk to this person until I'm good at this thing.", "I am nothing but a doll made to entertain them, and since I'm not currently being used for entertainment, I should be cleaning around the house."). I look fine, people are happy with what I give them, but... I can recognize something is wrong. I'm doing all this work and I don't even understand how or why; I'm not sleeping, barely resting, have to force myself to eat. It's a sucky time all around, but even though people might recognize that I'm acting out of the ordinary, they don't think of it as a bad thing that needs help. I'm working hard, aren't I? I'm happy, aren't I? I am what they want me to be, what they picture as a good, productive person who fits into society (or at least close enough that they can ignore anything that contradicts that idea), and so my episodes don't get noticed or helped

I think I'm gonna bring in this quote by Kiera Lyons from The Neurodiversity Paradigm and Abolition of Psychiatric Incarceration [PT: The Neurodiversity Paradigm and Abolition of Psychiatric Incarceration / end PT], because it's relevant:

"[…] psychiatry assumes that society does not cause distress in biologically normal people, who are considered biologically normal at least in part because they are economically productive. This assumption permits the conclusion that if a person is distressed to the point of unproductivity, it is because that person — not society — is abnormal. Thus, psychiatry’s commitment to biological essentialism not only masks the role of the constructed sociopolitical environment in creating distress but depoliticizes it by characterizing that allegedly irrational distress as induced by biological abnormality."

This is the other side of that. We judge health by fitting in, and so we celebrate when someone who didn't fit in suddenly begins to, even if it means they are suffering all the while. We don't even notice they're suffering. We never even think that they could ever be suffering. Why would they be suffering? They're going to get a good grade in being a person in society, aren't they? No one suffers when they are A Good Person In Society. That's just how the world works!

I don't even want to get into people who see you in these episodes and then begin pressuring you to act like that – to suffer, whether or not they know you're suffering – all the time. "You're doing better!" they cheer. "Don't you want to be better all the time?"

"Yes," I say, and I swallow down my symptoms, because no one cares if I can't sleep so long as the kitchen gets clean. "I want to be a person."

[nullominous-q]

Don't overestimate me. I am one mental breakdown from shaving my hair at all times.

But don't underestimate me either. I have rbf, an inclination to stare directly into your eyes for entirely too long bc I don't know where else to look when I talk to people and no filter.

...In fact maybe it's best that you don't perceive me at all.

[hood-ex]

One thing I do like about reading Talon!Dick fics is seeing which elements people reuse. Whether Dick can talk or if he just makes animal noises. Does he wear claws or doesn't he. Does he wear eccentric clothes or not. Does he wear makeup or not. Does he make his own choices or does he only follow orders. Is he particularly protective over a member(s) of the family or does he keep his distance. Does he respond to his given name or to Talon. Is he particularly sensitive to the cold or not. Does he use his knives or does he take on the escrima sticks. Is he scared of the Court or isn't he. Does he befriend the Titans or does he not branch out socially. Does he have glowing gold eyes or are his eyes normal.

Much to consider when writing Talon!Dick.

[bacchuschucklefuck]

caps from comic Im doing

[zermaidz]

I clearly remember the word asexual being defined as "no sexual attraction or desire". there was no "little to no" in the definition years ago when I read about it. there was another word for people who experience little sexual attraction: graysexual, whereas asexuals are people who never feel sexual attraction. it is important that people who never feel sexual attraction have a word to call themselves with a clear definition. mostly because other people have a hard time understanding us and respecting our boundaries, and we don't need more confusion. sexual attraction means you look at someone and feel desire to have sex with them. it's accurate to say that a person who feels no sexual attraction generally doesn't want to fuck people and doesn't actually enjoy sex like others do. I am telling you this as an asexual myself. without attraction, you literally never feel sexual desire for anyone and you view sex differently from others.

the way that people will argue with asexual people about our own sexuality (or lack of) and write posts all over the internet like "PSA asexuals can still have and enjoy sex" feels like low-key sexual harassment. like they just won't accept that we are different. they want to remove everything that makes an asexual person different and paint us like we're just like everyone else. and they also don't want to respect us or our boundaries when they make posts telling others we can still have sex with people we feel zero attraction towards. most people cannot and do not want to have sex with people they feel no attraction to, not only asexuals. the only difference for us is we feel no sexual attraction towards men, women or anyone. and people clearly expect us to "overcome" this and be in a "normal" sexual relationship like everyone else. I read a lot of stories about asexual people trying to do this and it only causes them stress and ends with a break up or divorce. in some cases it can be very traumatizing for them to force themselves into a relationship they are not compatible with. and I believe it's harmful for people online to keep telling asexuals that we can do relationships like this. and telling the general public that plenty of asexuals are willing do things they don't want to do just to please their partner, which can cause actual harm. this kind of talk can actually lead to spousal rape and abuse.

imagine if people started telling everyone that gay people can still enjoy sex with the opposite sex and be in a marriage or sexual relationship with them, even though they're not sexually attracted to them and feel no desire towards them. and people come into gay forums/spaces and say "well I'm a gay man but I'm happily married to a woman and we have sex every day. it's homophobic and exclusionist to say that gay people can't live just like normal straight people. having sex with women is normal and natural for most men and you need to stop being so sex-with-women-negative"

then they start calling gay men who don't want to have sex with women "women repulsed" and some people are telling them they might have a mental illness or sexual trauma causing them to not want to fuck women.

that's like what people are doing to asexual people. and then you call us bigots for not wanting to tolerate it?

to be clear, people did treat gay people this way in the past (and sometimes still do) but they (rightfully) did not tolerate the bullshit.

I'm becoming hyper aware of the fact that there's a group of radfem like exclusionist in the ace community. Like I kinda knew, but I didn't realize quite how bad it is. I understand that's likely because I'm not in and never have been in niche ace forums, so I apologize if I'm ignorant. Anyhow, it seems to be really seeping into the mainstream right now. These exclusionist think that asexuality isn't a spectrum and that only sex repulsed asexuals are real asexuals. I get SWERF vibes, too.

Also, I've noticed a lot of toxicity in general. I've been noticing a lot of sex negativity in online ace spaces, and when folks point out that things being said are toxic the folks pushing sex negative ideology argue that sex favorable aces are being exclusionary of sex repulsed aces, but that's generally not what I've seen happening. Sex repulsed ≠ sex negative. There's nothing wrong with being a sex repulsed asexual but pushing a sex negative ideology is toxic. Sex isn't inherently bad. I know some sex repulsed asexuals have trauma that has manifested in a disordered mindset surrounding sex and I sympathize with that, but that doesn't mean sex negativity should be encouraged and normalized in ace spaces. A while back, I saw a tiktok where a person talked about how an asexual person got a queer sex education class in their campus lgbtq+ center shut down because a sex education class makes the lgbtq+ center exclusionary of asexuals and that just makes my soul hurt. I've seen ace folks saying sexuality shouldn't be celebrated at pride because it alienates asexuals, which is a wild take.

I saw a person on one of the asexual subreddits earlier complaining about how they don't like when people, especially women, wear revealing clothes that display the body. I understand and respect wanting to dress more "conservatively" for lack of a better word. I actually often do. I really like Mori Kei fashion, which is known for being more "conservative" because it involves a more loose flowy silhouette and a lot of layering. I'd say Mori Kei has really inspired the silhouette of how I dress. Anyway, that's a side tangent. I understand wanting to dress more "conservative." I get feeling frustrated with the "womans" clothes on the market, but then to make comments about how you don't want to have to see others wearing revealing clothes feels icky. Like, if you sexualize the clothes women are wearing in public, that's a you problem. It's fine and dandy to have a preference, but this felt like purity culture.

I don't know, I'm frustrated. I'll probably have more thoughts on this later, but my brain hurts. Also, to make it clear, I'm not trying to demonize the ace community. I'm aroace, just hate seeing this kind of stuff I'm describing becoming so normalized.

[coderzxd]

Don't know how to answer people when they ask you a question? Get quiet or stressed because you kind of don't want to answer but you also can't explain why, lest you start to answer? Getting called secretive because you Just Don't Respond??

Might I introduce you... To The Cards!!!!

[alackofghosts]

SIGH having to come to terms with needing a new laptop