#it's just that. im afraid of being The Queer One

[comfortstars]

no actually. Can I be honest for a second. I know I said I wasn't gonna talk about it anymore but idgaf

[zellkabellk]

Rambling in the tags don't mind me.

[r1ghtwhereyouleftme]

Me: I hate [insert thing here] discourse

Also me: *gets so annoyed when people are blatantly stupid and do things thay make zero sense therefore making me go along with discourse bc I can only handle so much stupidity*

[mccoalminer]

Imagine being so far down a bigotry rabbit hole that you think people hating you must be because you're Not Part Of A Minority Group. Imagine being too self absorbed to consider the much more simple and plausible possibility that people hate you because you're... yknow... being an asshole. voldemort deluding himself into believing everyone hates him because he's straight and not because he's a white supremacist, mass murderer, literal personification of evil, etc

Girl help I'm being demonised and dehumanised for *checks notes* not being trans. Nothing to do with the hate and vitriol I'm spouting ahaha

She ain't even subtle anymore lmao

[griffsursparker]

sometimes i'm just like. really glad i'm queer. like it can be shitty and scary and i don't love those parts but. god being cishet just seems exhausting idk

[splatoonpolls]

a really long analysis about fanon Marina and the flanderization by fandom she has gotten

fanon marina (the version created by the fans) mainly focuses on two things, her being autistic coded and her being basically confirmed to be a lesbian. And I do think this has to do with her being VERY much like a typical splatoon fan in many people’s eyes. Her being a nerdy queer neurodivergent person. This is also why other parts, especially her relationship with her being an octoling gets often locked away. Subconsciously at least

if Marina was a book, several chapters would focus on her identity as a dome octoling. Her being autistic would probably pop up here and there, but it wouldn’t be a whole chapter. But her very much gay relationship with Pearl would definitely have a few chapters. But with people focusing on those few lines and chapters rather than the whole book. People would slowly ignore the other chapters, get shocked like Adam Sandler learning Pac-Man was the bad guy in the hit movie pixels.

the splatoon fandom’s western side is mainly white Americans and Europeans. Which is one reason why the fanon Marina doesn’t focus on her identity as an octoling, but also on how many details are not really told to the player. Marina barely shows her ears, which can both be read as her having sensory issues (which is a super valid headcanon(, but also her not feeling super comfortable with her body. With her ears being a reminder of her “you are with people who still think you are only going to steal stuff”. Her tentacles may be weird, she may lack the eyeliner an inkling has. But those things can simply be a stylistic choice. Her ears can’t be one. They are too different. I also know the DLCS focuses more on her identity as a dome octoling. However many can understand how her arc as a whole can be paralleled to the real life experiences of people belonging to marginalized ethnic communities. I also want to point, while writing this. I realized (which many people probably already did). Dome octolings you see outside of the domes (splatoon 2 octolings, Marina, Acht, Paul), are all refugees. They are all characters who grew up in a society that had been shunned for decades, even centuries. That society ended up being oppressive both due to external and internal issues. They know the society they’re living in is no longer a good place to live in. So they escape. Hoping to find a place that will take them on. For agent 8, Marina, and Paul. They found a safe place. Acht wasn’t super lucky however. They were told they could find a “promised land” only to be left in even more ruin before. So not only does Marina’s character arc focus on her being a part of an ethnic minority, but a refugee at that. so why does fanon marina usually avoid that part of her? Well as a mentioned before. Marina has three things that makes her very relatable. While the more backstory focused things are less relatable to a way smaller margin of the splatoon fandom. A way smaller part of the fandom are poc in a very white country. And a very small percentage are refugees.

if we removed Marina’s backstory. We would still be left with the fanon version. A nerdy autistic lesbian who deeply loves Pearl. I love how Nintendo got a game that also isn’t afraid to show a society that cares about queer people if not is queer centric itself. Which is probably why many people cling to that part of Marina. But if we removed that part. What would we be left with? Well, we would have an octoling refugee who is a trained soldier and can create weapons of destructions (and she would still be in love with Pearl, it is an important part of her backstory). im not saying the splatoon fandom’s openness to lgbtq and neurodivergent people is a bad thing just because they boil down one of the most plot heavy characters down to those things. It is actually a really great thing to have a fandom that is open to these marginalized groups.

i just want to say, due to this love for Marina being a character you can relate to. It feels like certain parts of Marina’s character (which can also be very relatable to some) is being drifted away to the more lore centric side of the fandom. Which will lead to a sort of fandom flandarization which is very unintentional and just done due to a love of Marina as a character.

If you’ve read this an disagreed, that is fine. Character writing is a very subjective thing

[lycandrophile]

it's silly but the biggest reason why im not into t yet is bc im so afraid of losing my hair. do you have any solutions/tips for it?

first of all, i don’t think it’s silly — it’s natural to be worried when hair loss is talked about by so many people as like…one of the worst results of aging for men. listening to my dad talk about how much he hates balding definitely did not make me feel particularly good about the knowledge that i may very well be joining him someday. i’m not saying the fear is right, because i don’t think hair loss is something awful that we should avoid at all costs, but it’s an understandable fear given the beauty standards we’re working with, and it’s one that a lot of us (myself included) feel.

one thing that’s helped me is just…paying more attention to the guys that i interact with on a daily basis. i’ve learned two things from it: 1) hair loss is super fucking common. i’d say it’s much harder to find an adult man who isn’t balding at all than it is to find one who’s completely bald. and 2) if you forget everything you’ve been told about how bad hair loss is, you’ll realize that quite frankly, every single one of those guys looks totally fucking fine. it doesn’t ruin their appearance and make them ugly, it looks totally natural and isn’t really even something you’d notice if you weren’t looking for it. we put so much weight on it but it’s really just not that big of a deal. i’ll hear my parents talk shit about men in my family who are losing their hair when i didn’t even notice a difference last time i saw them. it’s one of those things (like so many other appearance-related things) that you really only notice at all because you’ve been taught that you’re supposed to care about it.

this isn’t something i’ve done personally, but if you really want to desensitize yourself to the idea of it, embrace the time-honored queer tradition of just shaving your whole damn head! find out what you’d look like without hair, find out how you feel about it and what you can do that makes you feel good about your appearance without hair, test the waters while it’s still a temporary change and not something permanent. that way, it won’t feel like this big scary unknown, and you’ll actually have a frame of reference for your feelings about how you look without hair rather than accepting the societal assumption that you’ll inevitably hate it. if you don’t want to actually shave your head, you could also just fuck around with bald filters or photoshop and see what happens.

oh, and if you’re attracted to men, keep an eye out for guys who are bald or balding and also hot as fuck. in my experience, there’s no insecurity or potential future insecurity that being gay for other men hasn’t helped me with. just off the top of my head, i can think of a couple actors who i think are absolutely fucking gorgeous who have helped me get over my fears about losing my hair. despite what our anti-aging-obsessed world might want you to think, there is no such thing as a physical feature that automatically makes someone less attractive, and while making attractiveness less of a priority in your life is good, it can’t hurt to also give yourself some proof that actually, you might lose your hair and look hot as hell doing it.

basically, entertain the possibility that it won’t be a bad thing at all! whether that’s just because it turns out to be a neutral thing for you or because you end up actually liking it, it’s not an inherently bad thing. i’ve ended up liking a lot of things that were “supposed to” be bad effects of t — i love the weight i’ve gained and the new shape it gives my body, i get a lot of gender euphoria from the fact that my acne is now on parts of my face that i saw a lot of guys in high school get it and i’m not complaining about the scars i get from it either because i’ve always liked the added texture that acne scars give my skin, and so on. i think there’s a lot of joy to be had in the changes we’re taught to fear, once we look past that conditioning and actually explore how we feel about it.

but if it’s something you really don’t want and you just want to improve your chances of not having to deal with it, it’s not like there’s nothing you can do! products like finasteride (oral) and minoxidil (usually topical but i think there might also be oral versions) are pretty commonly used among trans guys, for the purpose of avoiding hair loss and for other reasons, and there are plenty of other anti-hair loss products out there (though i don’t know how effective any one of them might be). if it’s a big enough deal for you, you can just decide that you’ll go off of t if/when you start noticing signs of it, since no longer having higher t levels would stop the process in its tracks. and if you don’t find prevention options that work for you so it ends up happening, you can always explore different hair styles (judging by the pattern of hair loss i see in my family, i suspect that keeping my hair long would make it less obvious if i started losing mine), find your preferred method of covering it when you don’t feel good about it (personally i love a good beanie generally and would probably wear them a lot more if i didn’t have hair to worry about because my main complaint is the way they press my hair onto my neck), or just shave it all off if you don’t like the look of the partial balding but don’t mind a shaved head. the point being — you have options!

at the end of the day, whether you go on t or not, you’re going to see your body change as you age in ways that aren’t always going to be attractive to others or aesthetically pleasing to you. that’s just the reality of having a body. even if you never went on t, you’d get older and you might see your hair thin out even if you don’t bald, you’ll see your skin start to wrinkle and sag in places that used to be smooth, your metabolism might slow or your body fat might start to gather in new places; hell, you might lose your hair for a totally different reason and end up in the same place but without the benefits of having been on t that whole time. life is full of bodily changes like that. transphobes will fearmonger about the permanent changes of testosterone all day long but the truth is, there is no escaping permanent bodily changes. whether or not you go on t, your body now isn’t the same as it will be in 1 or 5 or 10 or 20 or 50 years, just like it isn’t the same as it was at any point in your life before now. our bodies are never supposed to stop growing and aging and changing throughout our lives. there’s no guaranteeing that we’ll love every single change our bodies go through, but that’s okay! there are so many things in life that are more important than the way our bodies look. even if you go on t and lose your hair and don’t like how it looks, your life won’t be ruined; plenty of other things will bring you joy and more than make up for the insecurities.

just think about the gender euphoria and relief from dysphoria that t could give you. would losing your hair be bad enough to outweigh all of that? or is it just the pressure of a society that decided balding is bad that’s making you fear one single change despite how much joy you could have if you let that fear go? only you can decide if going on t is worth the potential downsides for you, but i suspect that for most of us, the benefits of going on t far outweigh the possibility of side effects like hair loss happening down the line.

[fxlling-slxwly]

There’s so much about Heartstopper Season 3 that I LOVE. Obviously Nick and Charlie’s relationship growth is beautiful, and Charlie’s mental health stuff is SO IMPORTANT, and I was SOBBING at Episode 4. HOWEVER. Breakdown of my favourite parts / storylines:

1. Darcy’s exploration of pronouns and gender identity. Seeing them start leaning more masc, cutting their hair, using they/them pronouns, and then coming out to Tara as non-binary?? WONDERFUL. As someone who recently came out as genderqueer (with a fairly similar path as Darcy actually) this made me so emotional and so happy for them and the representation.

2. Isaac. My baby. Everything about him is so wonderful and I just want to wrap him in the biggest hug ever. His coming out scenes (both his one to Charlie and to the Paris Gang) were beautiful. His boundaries in refusing to fill in the gaps for his friends is so admirable, as when you’re outside the ‘mainstream’ queer labels it can become such a tiresome ordeal having to explain your identity to others when they aren’t putting in the work to look it up. I’m SO GLAD he got these moments and he’s such a ray of sunshine. Him being the only one to see that something was wrong with Charlie hurt me deeply but it made me love him even more. Also seeing his cheeky side when it comes to Charlie’s sex life is peak aro/ace romance obsessed behavior.

3. Michael Holden my beloved. Darragh’s portrayal of him is everything - he’s so funny, awkward, and optimistic in every single scene and I just adore him. All of his interactions with Charlie made me fall in love with him even more, and they all just felt so RIGHT. His and Tori’s relationship is wonderful.

4. Tori being the best most beautiful big sister. She has so much love in her but she’s so afraid of letting people in and see her being vulnerable. Her love and anxiety for Charlie is so immense, but she does what she can even when her heart is breaking. I adore her and I’m so looking forward to seeing even more of her in the next season.

5. Nick interacting with Elle, Tara and Imogen on the road trip!!! I love seeing Nick integrate more with that friend group, but allowing him to have those moments of gossip and banter with the girls is beautiful, especially as he’d said previously how he didn’t talk about the deeper stuff with his other friends. Having the girls encourage him to talk - especially Elle causing chaos - was *chefs kiss*.

6. Tao and Nick hugging!!!

7. Charlie, Tao and Isaac’s friendship! I adore seeing them be super huggy and telling each other how much they love each other. Healthy friendships for the win!! No toxic masculinity here!!

8. Tao and Elle’s relationship & his utter adoration of her. The scene where he showed her the video he made of her was so emotionally raw and beautiful and UGH IM OBSESSED

9. Mr Farouk and Mr Ajayi’s soft moments UGH I LOVE THEM. Mr F is one of my fave TV teachers - the way he tells Charlie that he could help so many younger students and you can just tell how much he needed queer rep when was younger!! Ugh I adore these two so much.

[cosmicpoutine]

leaving a lil rant here :]

I love Tim and his ships sm. Me personally, I only really ship TimKon. Those two are perfect for eachother and have so much clear queer coding that it’s crazy, and they have dialogue that’s just. gay shaped.

I also get TimBart, I don’t ship it romantically but I get why people do!! Tim and Bart are close as well, and the balance they get between ‘depressed tired wet cat’ and ‘living breathing embodiment of adhd’ is great.

I also get TimBartKon, they’re a trio. They are always a trio, so many people like to bring up how TimKon has so much coding and one of the big examples they use is when Tim tried to clone Kon. You know who else he tried to clone? Bart.

The only Tim ship I don’t get is TimBern, or any ship involving those two. When Bernard first appears, he’s Tim’s bully. He actively makes fun of tim and puts him down and then that character is forgotten about until Tim comes out as bi, then they just rework his character and go “haha guys this is his boyfriend not bully ygs are crazy” and just forget about all the bad stuff Bernard did? Reworking a character is great and all but, it just feels a bit weird and out of place for me. There’s always going to be that certain toxicity for TimBern, at least for me.

homie... bully??? im flabbergasted- im speechless- im jason todd (dead)

okay, im gonna start off by saying you have all the right to not ship them, and im not here to defend timbern as a ship. im here to defend BERNARD DOWD.

first thing bernard does is give tim advice about teachers, and he clearly says they're gonna be good friends.

if bernard was a bully, tim wouldn't hang around him so much. besides, i hate it when people place tim as a helpless little boy who would get bullied. he has put himself in situations where he looks weak on purpose to keep his identity safe, but he's not a victim at all. tim is a social butterfly because he's really good at masking and reading people.

not to mention, both bernard and darla push tim a lot because they're trying to get him to open up and be closer to them, but he keeps pushing them away. tim is a professional liar.

and when tim has to quit robin and start hanging out with normal people, he invites bernard over.

and bernard is acting relatively normal, and he wants to play video games and talk about how hot tim's stepmom is.

bernard is a normal teenager who has no idea one of his friends is the hero he's so obsessed with. he even shows concern for robin dying and makes up an entire conspiracy theory about batman havin a robin orphanage. you can tell he's afraid of robin being gone for real because at this point they haven't seen robin in months bc tim retired.

i dont know what about all of these interactions gave you the vibe that he's a bully because all i see is a normal teenager teasing his friends and being jealous tim gets more bitches.

im not saying that bernard was never mean or weird around tim, but he definitely wasn't actively bullying tim.

bernard is obnoxious and cocky, yes. but thats just because they wrote him as a real person. he's the school's chameleon, maybe even a little bit of a loser, too. he knows everyone but keeps a safe distance so that he doesn't get pushed into a box. im not sure if, at this point, he was already in a cult or being indoctrinated, but when we see his parents and the dowd home in tim drake: robin that just doesn't look right.

also homie talk about "forgetting all the bad things bernard did" (which in my opinion is none but okay lets follow that logic) everyone forget about all the bad things batman did to tim, he was not a kind and loving mentor, he was cruel to both tim and steph. we forget that batman was kind of an asshole to damien in the beginning. all those things are forgotten for the sake of the batfam.

in conclusion: we're just so used to the idea that superheroes can only ever form strong friendship bonds by having near death experiences together that we forget that the secret identifies exist and that the people who know them by their legal name also means a lot to them. after all, these people are the reason why they're heroes.

[castielsprostate]

VENOM 3 SPOILERS AHEAD!!! and veryyyy unorganized thoughts below the cuttt!!!

first of all. OH MY GOD. genuinely this was a beautifully executed storyline, with the most bitter, heartwrenching ending. tom hardy when i fucking GET YOU!!!!!!!!!!

okay. im in actual, real life tears over this movie. venom saved eddie's life within, what? 3 days of knowing him? a week tops? and venom brought eddie back from the fucking dead!!!!!!! DESPITE KNOWING!!!!!!!!! WHAT WOULD HAPPEN!!!!!! despite knowing he would trigger the codex, venom still saved eddie's fucking life! which is especially interesting considering the symbiote in mulligan, which i am assuming was in him for a WHILE, left him to die (fair!) at the end of the second movie! venom saved eddie's life. without a second thought.

also this definitely was a love story between eddie and venom. they literally had their break up arc in the second movie(!) and this tied a beautiful, bitter end to their very tragic story. venom saying, to eddie, what martin said. "until we meet again", genuine tears in my eyes. it showed venom's humanity, everything he learned, from eddie and others. to me, personally, venom is still with eddie. they're living symbiotically, with eddie on one side of the door and venom on the other. nierka(??? i totally butchered that lmao). eddie saying i will never forget you buddy while looking at lady liberty. GOD. eddie isn't alone anymore! eddie won't EVER be alone!!!!!!!!!! despite what everyone told him!!!!!!!!! eddie has venom, maybe not physically right now, but he still has a part of him!!!!!!!! they're both free. they're both. GAH.

also there still is a bit of venom left. in a tiny test tube, at the bottom of area 55. don't think i forgot about that!!!!! he's still there, they never showed us that it actually got destroyed. and EYE believe that venom found eddie, after they blew up. and it somehow, in some marvel magic sparkles way reset the codex. they still have each other, until the end!!!!! TILL DEATH DO THEY PART!!!!!!!!!!!!!

genuinely, the writers cared. tom hardy cared!!!!!!! i don't know how many people he had to keep under gunshot to get this, but he gave us a beautiful trilogy about love and friendship and humanity and finding each other. the queerness of it all, the found family (except the chickens. how DARE eddie give the chickens away. for that alone he should've died).

eddie saying he was born with it [the weird arms] also just. god it added another layer didn't it? also what actually happened to that guy. like. he got his bar destroyed, and then he got fucking tazed lmao??? what did they do to him????? also the WAY that in the "sacred timeline" the bartender looked all cleaned up and put together despite the fucking snap 💀💀💀💀 and how the bar was nicer. the disney filter!!!!!!!!!

that also left a very veryyy clear way for them to bring eddie!venom back but in the MCU, because they didn't show the TVA resetting the timeline! venom saying eddie would've made a great father. well. you had carnage and i think it's best you don't try again huh.

i missed anne, but i think that her not being there was. good? it was good. she and eddie truly loved each other as friends and whilst i hoped they'd at least have a phone call or a singular scene together, i do get why they didn't! she moved on with her life, and it was time for eddie to move on with his. her telling venom to keep him safe at the end of the second movie. and he did! he gave his own life for eddie's, he kept his promise. i just. GOD. venom keeping eddie alive as the symbiotehunters kept coming and coming and coming. keeping eddie from looking back, and healing him one. last. time. HE DIDN'T EVEN NEED TO SAY I LOVE YOU!!!!! EDDIE JUST KNEW!!!!!!! EDDIE!!!!!! KNEW!!!!!!!!!!!

eddie saying "but i need him". it had me bawling. BAWLING. but i need him. oh eddie. EDDIE. 😭😭😭😭😭 anne said he was too afraid of commitment and yet. AND YET. he was willing to DIE for an alien!!!!!! and to then say he needs him. god.

was the movie a bit retconn-y? maybe. did they use this as a segway for more movies with different characters? absolutely lmao. was it an ad for crocs? yes that too. but i think that this was a good end. they won't drag it out, they won't destroy a good comic for more money (for now). the song choices were also OUTSTANDING. the symbiotes coming together to save eddie and venom, because they knew!!!!! THEY KNEW!!!!!!!! eddie nor venom sparing a second look at sexy ladies!!!!!!!!!!! the dancing with mrs chen!!!!!!!! GAH

to me, right now, eddie and venom are sitting on a beach, toes in the sand, finally sipping the bloody mary that venom didn't get to drink at the beginning with miss chen on one side, anne and dan enjoying the ocean, and agent mulligan on the other side. alive, happy, together. and the bartender. he's there too. for funsies.

[zillycricket]

Confrontation

PAIRING : Alastor x qpp!gn!reader

NOTES : spreading the aromantic agenda with my silly little queer-platonic partner reader!! :3 ALSO !! I based the relationship between them with my own aroace experiences. I personally still say “I love you” whenever im in a qpr because I still love them, just in different way yknow?? Just a heads up that any form of love portrayed in this fic isn’t romantic in nature :)

CONTENT : angst, hurt/comfort, happy ending, gender neutral reader, aroace!alastor

[Name] walked up to the door of the infamous “Hazbin Hotel”, a sour expression on their face as they knocked on the large door. A happy face poked through, her face lighting up at the appearance of a person as she swung the door open excitedly. “Hi! I’m Charlie, are you here to-”

“No, sorry, I’m not here for your hotel,” [Name] said, looking at Charlie for a moment before looking over her shoulder. “Is Alastor here?” They asked, looking at Charlie as they spoke in a rushed manor. Their hands clenched into fists and unclenched repeatedly as they waited impatiently for the princess to respond. “Oh! That’s fine, I guess, but-”

“How may I be of service!”

Charlie frowned at being interrupted again but stood out the way while her grip fell from the doorknob. Alastor stood behind Charlie, a wide smile as he looked at the person who called his name.

“Oh, [Name]. Hello again,” the Radio Demon said as his posture visibly straightened upon seeing them. His smile looked strained as his gaze remained on [Name]. The tension grew thick as the pair of partners looked at each other, unspoken words pouring like a fountain into the air between them. [Name]’s jaw clenched as they raised their hands and shoved Alastor. Charlie’s eyes grew wide and was about to intervene before the stranger began pointing a finger and yelling at Alastor, who stumbled backwards and held onto his staff to keep his balance.

“You absolute asshole! You left for seven years! You leave me for seven fucking years, and you reappear at some crappy rehabilitation hotel without telling me?!” [Name] complained harshly, stepping toward Alastor and shoving a finger in his chest as they stared him down. Their gaze was filled with anger, hurt and disbelief. Their eyes held tears that they refused to shed, noting the slight satisfaction in Alastor’s gaze. “I can’t believe you! You absolute douche!” [Name] spat, which Alastor responded with by gripping their wrist and pulling it away slightly. Alastor stared them down, laughing sourly as he glanced over at Charlie. She closed the door, awkwardly glancing between the pair as she debated whether to intervene or not.

“Now, now, my dear! Let’s be civilised, there are people watching,” Alastor spoke calmly, though the threat in his voice was no secret. He looked [Name] up and down, almost drinking in the fact they really were there and that he wasn’t dreaming of their existence. ��Don’t give me that bullshit!” [Name] growled, pulling their hand out of Alastor’s grip as they spoke with a dangerous tone.

“Al, what’s going on?” Charlie asked, an awkward smile on her face as she stood next to Alastor. She looked over at [Name] and then at Alastor, concern flooding her eyes. Something was very clearly wrong, and Charlie being the sweetheart she was felt the need to try and fix it. Alastor turned to Charlie sharply, his everlasting smile growing wider than usual. “Nothing you need to concern yourself with, Charlie! If you will?” Alastor tilted his head off to the side, silently asking Charlie to leave the two alone in the entrance of the hotel. Charlie looked between them one last time before nodding slowly, walking away before quickly speeding up as she ran to talk to Vaggie about the strange encounter.

Alastor turned back to [Name] after Charlie left with furrowed eyebrows and a mildly frustrated look despite the smile.

“Where were you?” [Name] questioned, raising a brow while straightening their posture to match Alastor.

“I’m afraid I cannot tell you that, my dear-”

“Right, of course you can’t. You never could, could you?”

“[Name]-”

“No, Alastor!” [Name] yelled out, their hands clenched into fists tightly until the knuckles of their hands turned pale. Their breath was heavy as they panted, almost out of breath from the travel over and the yelling. “You can’t disappear without a word and just show up like nothing happened! Were you even- were you even going to tell me you were back?” [Name] continued, their harsh voice going softer toward the end of their sentence as they felt their hurt bubbling up. Alastor remained quiet, his gaze on [Name] never changing until they glared at him. He cleared his throat, his grip on his staff tightening.

“I won’t say it was exactly a plan of mine to tell you, no,” Alastor replied, staring at the hurt expression on [Name]’s face. Half of him enjoyed seeing the pain and suffering he seemingly put [Name] through, but the other half felt guilty. He felt guilty for feeling such satisfaction out of their misery, and felt guilty for having put them through that misery in the first place. “You must forgive me, my darling [Name]. I understand that this must all be troubling news for you, but please do note that this has nothing to do with you.”

“Do you really understand, though? How it feels to have your partner disappear from your hands for seven years without the acknowledgment of if they were even alive?” [Name] questioned, their tense shoulders falling as they looked at Alastor. Their gaze scanned every inch of Alastor as if they were searching for a sign of injury. Despite their anger and hurt, they still cared for his well-being. They felt relieved when they noticed no injury, before looking back in his eyes with a cold gaze.

“[Name], I promise if I could tell you where I was or that I was even leaving; I would’ve told you in a heartbeat. My love, I didn’t want you to be roped into another one of my messes,” Alastor spoke sweetly, raising a hand from his staff to hold [Name]’s face. His expression and voice was altered to seem sweet, but [Name] knew him all too well. Alastor simply wished to not cause a scene in front of the hotel staff if any of them waltzed even near them. And though there was a hint of truth to his words, it wasn’t all true. Resisting the urge to melt into Alastor’s touch, they took a step back as their eyes brimmed with tears once more. “Stop that, Alastor.”

“What do you mean, my dear?”

“Stop- stop acting like you didn’t expect this to happen eventually.”

Alastor’s hand hovered over the spot [Name] removed themself from before it slowly returned to his staff. He knew that the minute he returned, they would find out and confront him. He’s known for the last seven years. He gave out a reluctant sigh, clicking his tongue as he smiled. He knew it was time to face the consequences of his actions, he prepared for this. He was ready for them to take their leave. To leave him as he did them, except this time taking away the only connection they had to each other.

“I’ve never been great at telling the full truth, but dear, I do promise that if I could then I would tell you why I left,” Alastor said quietly, having the slightest hope that he could keep them tied to him. He really did love them, and sure their love was odd to most, he cared for them in a way he never cared for anyone before. It hurt him to leave, knowing he would be hurting his partner for something so selfish.

“I’m mad at you, and dear Satan do I hate what you’ve done, but I’m not leaving you.”

For once in his life, Alastor felt speechless from his surprise. They weren’t leaving? He looked at [Name], searching for a sign that they were lying. And though he saw their anger and hurt present, he saw no sign of a lie. They bit the inside of their cheek as they raised the hand and pinched their temple.

“I don’t forgive you, Alastor. But I trust you, and I love you. You are my friend and my partner and I am putting some faith in you that you do truly have a good reason for leaving for so long. And that you will tell me when you can,” [Name] spoke slowly, carefully picking out their words as they looked up at Alastor. They knew Alastor got into deals often and that sometimes they ended horribly, so they assumed that it was connected to that. Alastor’s expression softened as he reached his hand out to hold [Name]’s cheek. He analysed their face, gently stroking his thumb over their cheek as he gazed at them with a sense of gratitude.

“I missed you, mon amour,” Alastor said softly, bringing his forehead to theirs and pressed them together gently. Alastor closed his eyes and breathed softly, enjoying feeling them being near him again. “So, so much. I promise I’ll make up the years I missed with you till the end of this afterlife and the next,” Alastor added on quietly, feeling them lean into his warm touch.

“I missed you, too, lovely,” [Name] sighed, raising their hand to hover over the hand that held their face before raising their other hand and holding Alastor’s face in their hand.

They remained peacefully in each other presence, fearful that if they let each other away from their grasp the other would part from them in the blink of an eye. Charlie watched from around a corner, tearful but also overjoyed for Alastor while Vaggie watched carefully, not fully trusting the whole ordeal in the slightest.

[faorism]

(really in my feels about the ot3 because of the @powerpolyculeshowdown so here's some propaganda)

parker and hardison allow eliot to be sillier. more ridiculous. outragous, even. eliot sings the stupid ditties hardison writes special for him, and he rolls his eyes at parkers pokes and prods and the occasional "accidental" face slap, and eliot can express himself for what actually bothers him no matter how nitpicky, versus having to calculate what he should say. (he still argues with hardison that throwing in on a brewpub was a stupid plan given its risk, no matter how many times hardison claims it was always a gift for him.) eliot laughs more. real laughs; you can tell because his smiles look more and more like grimaces: the way his ma perked her mouth which his dad always teased her about (though it was his favorite thing about her), rather than the wide toothy grins eliot learned because he knows, tactically, they are best for charming. parker and hardison let him not feel like he's a monster. or... parker tells him she always thought the big bad wolf had a bad rap, and hardison says some stupid shit about monsterfucking being the hip thing the kids are into these days, anyway.

hardison and eliot allow parker to feel deep. it's food that tastes like a hug and it's gadgets made just for her and it's loving and being loved and it's being one another's real families. she doessn't want to run away, anymore. or... she wants to run but with her friends beside her. or... running cons is all she's ever wanted to do, and all she did, for so long. parker is good at it. she loves it. she loves that hardison and eliot love it too. but... feeling deep is also being deep. she's no longer just her piles of money because she is no longer afraid of herself. her past. the memories that hurt. the habits she thought she needed to grow out of but always missed. these habits, like bleeping sounds that arent words and hands move move moving. hands that were once made to stay now can fly because hardison buys her fidgets and designs some just for her and keeps locks in lucille for when parker feels like infinity and needs the vibrations of ticktickticks to bring her back to herself. and eliot lets her braid and unbraid his hair; he won't let her blow dry it, not yet, but... he lets her pet his hair while it's still hot, now. it frizzes his hair a little, and parker feels her pulse rush throughout the day knowing she did that to him. eliot and hardison kiss her knuckles when they burn.

parker and eliot allow hardison to be mean. vindictive. he is nicer than he needs to be. wants to be... what he needs to be is nonthreatening, for the most part, in many places. he knows what it means to be him: tall and black and queer and gaining muscle and too smart for his own damn good and so very, very tenderhearted. hardison loves so damn deep, and he cares so damn much, but part of caring (the other side of a coin) is not giving a fuck. it's the boiling point of rage and betrayal. the i need to walk away from this fight because you are dead wrong and imma about to say something imma regret, so go fix yourself. the im not gonna forget, im not going to forgive, and im going to get my revenge. parker and eliot would not have questioned hardison's joy at securing the capture of the men that put him in that damn coffin; they hold space for him to be fully himself with all his ugly parts and his petty parts and the parts that do bring hardison shame if he thinks about it for too long. they know he's not perfect, and that? that feels like safety and love and forever to hardison.

[deeplyobsessed]

ok so i’m gonna ramble in sections

section 1: cgi moustache

FUCKING HILARIOUS like it was so bad it was funny HELP also buck’s hair was season 8 hair too it’s so funny like WHY did they reuse this HAHA

section 2: confession part 1

as short of a scene as it was, this was really nicely shot imo. and the tears in eddie’s eyes when he spoke like RYAN GUZMAN UR SO GOOD. but also how does buck (best friend) rank about girlfriend like hmmmmmmm

section 3: FUCKING ABBY

I CLOCKED IT I KNEW IT i know we always joke about 911 having continuity issues but THIS was such a good way to call back season 1 like insane writing tim minear and i love u for it

section 4: the divorce call

i wish they did more with this call like there was potential to call back to eddie/shannon but they didn’t. other than that i think honestly this is one of the grossest calls they’ve ever been on like genuinely icked the hell out of me with the guts like ugh gross

section 5: josh’s speech

as much as people hate on tommy, i do think josh’s explanation of things does give some sort of context to the way tommy acted in the past. like yeah racism and sexism is bad don’t get me wrong, but tommy did make an effort to change. it’s just that with society and his own work place back then, tommy prob had a lot of internalised homophobia that he expressed negatively outward to others (chim and hen in particular). but josh made a very good point with his speech about pre glee and post glee world (great reference, 10/10) and i think this was one of my favourite parts of this episode

section 6: confession part 2

ok first of all there was literally NO NEED to add that “im straight” “im celibate” part. like that was intentionally written into the script for something bcos that entire section could have been done without the sexuality mention. tim minear i see you. other than that FATHER BRIAN YOU ARE SPEAKING FACTS. my fav line he said was “but we can’t take care of others if we don’t first take care of ourselves”. bcos this is true!! and also a line used in therapy a lot cough. anyway i think the conversation eddie had with the priest was like a wake up call to eddie to start getting his head out of his ass and start working towards something. love this scene 10/10

section 7: brothers and pipes

most of this call was focused on the brothers part more than the well scene call back, tho there was a throw away line from bobby to eddie about how (eddie) wouldn’t fit this time. i do wonder if this happened irl would fire departments legally be authorised to allow children to help with rescues tho. otherwise honestly this was a very cute scene that helped chim get some introspection. i do wish there was more of a well scene call back tho :(

section 8: buck tommy breakup

as a buddie fan, i am overjoyed. but as a buck fan, i am devastated. tommy is actually one of my favourite love interests for buck, and its not just because he’s a dude and sexual awakening all that. i genuinely do think buck and tommy could have had a lot of potential if the show had decided to go through with it, but at the same time ending it here was also a relatively good note. i think in this relationship it wasn’t actually buck who wasn’t ready, it was tommy. tommy is afraid of things not working out in the long run bcos he doesn’t believe in buck’s affection for him being long term. this whole breakup was bcos tommy wasn’t ready imo. i do see the point tommy was trying to make but i also think it was a bit of a dick move to do the whole breakup immediately after buck asked tommy to move in with him. like the timing could have been better tommy. tommy being the one who decided to end things did surprise me tho. but now i feel really sad for buck bcos buck did like tommy a lot, and also as a queer person your first queer relationship is always going to mean a lot to you

section 9: MADNEY MADNEY MADNEY

HOLY MOTHER OF- i didn’t see this coming i didn’t but i am so here for it. the amount of trust and communication between chim and maddie is literal relationship GOALS like they lay out the boundaries and have healthy discussions about having another kid and it’s just so UGHHHH I LOVE YOU also maddie already being pregnant FJSJCKSK MORE BABIES

section 10: eddie, the moustache, and the dance

this. was. everything. the significance of shaving off the moustache. the dancing at the end?? no pants too was a choice. like when eddie flops back onto the couch and you see his smile, it’s like you truly see him deciding to finally forgive himself. maybe not completely, because there’s always going to be some guilt he carries around, but he’s moving forward and i’m so, so happy for him. it’s just a fun goofy feel good scene and i love love love this.

special mention: buddie and the couch

i actually think this is the first time both of them are on the couch together. like sitting next to each other with no one else. RETURN OF THE COUCH THEORY WELCOME BACK. ok but the ending scene?? the way they don’t even need words to communicate like- buck not even bothering to question why eddie doesn’t have pants, and eddie not even questioning why buck is here with beer in the first place. the level of mutual understanding has my HEART IN PIECES

overall this is honestly my fav ep this season and one of my fav eps of all time. i can’t wait to see how the story moves on from here ahhhhhhh

[museofthepyre]

Im gonna ramble about Jedidiah and Sydney. Bear with me. This is a queer platonic sydidiah advocacy post.

The sydidiah dating arc feels so doomed to me and that impending doom casts a massive shadow over any nice sweet moments we have gotten/ might get… it’s so heart wrenching and devious from a writing standpoint /pos

Sydney and Jedidiah are like two trees who were planted too close together, not even of the same species. They’ve grown in sync, twisting together and fusing while the bark was still soft, weaving around each other until they’d become inseparable. Two separate trunks become one messily intertwined form, and they brace each other’s weight— if you cut one base, the other would topple. And yet they can’t survive together… they strain their branches upwards to compete for the same sunlight, every time one forms a sufficient canopy of leaves, the other ends up cast in the consequent shadow. One is always in the shade where it’ll starve, where it’ll wither, where it’ll deteriorate and take the other down with it when it falls.

And their attachment styles are so opposite from what we’ve seen… (My analysis here, some inference)

Sydney understands love as presence and affirmation and re-assuring words and touch, he needs a hand to hold like a ship needs an anchor, otherwise he’s just left to drift at the mercy of his own insecure mind. He talks about wanting something equal, I think a lot of that has to do with emotional vulnerability— he’s spent so long in a relationship where he’s an emotional mess in ways he can’t control, meanwhile Jedidiah is so… reserved. The contrast would make anyone feel burdensome, othered, isolated… even in a relationship that is loving deep down. I think so much of their poor communication/ secret keeping comes down to Sydney feeling like he’s being “too much”, or disproportionately emotional, which… is true, there is an imbalance, but it’s not Sydney’s fault. “I used to talk to Jedidiah about everything, but… I mean, he’s not just an endless well of support for me to dump all my issues into. Your friends shouldn’t have to play therapist for you, right? So I don’t really need to make him listen to all my bullshit anymore.”

Jedidiah understands love as the knowledge that someone is working behind the scenes to keep you steady, that they’re carving out a space for you to find respite in… wether you see them doing it or not. That’s what his parents did for him, that’s what he does for Sydney. He doesn’t want to get too close to the things he loves, because he fears he’ll only hurt them. He regards Sydney like an old childhood stuffed toy that he’s afraid to pick up and sleep with, it’s so precious and irreplaceable that he doesn’t want to risk damaging it… and so he holds it for only long enough to put it on a shelf for safekeeping… maybe brush the dust off once in a while.

They both need to seriously seriously SERIOUSLY a work on their communication if they want any hope of being healthy together— even if just as friends. Jedidiah needs to work on his emotional vulnerability, and Sydney needs to work on his self-assuredness… bro is the poster child of anxious attachment. And Jedidiah is the poster child of avoidant attachment. What a duo we have here! Idk they make me sad.

[lover-of-mine]

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/767444124505980928/im-one-of-those-buddie-shippers-who-doesnt?source=share

Anon they didn't do more about 🤢t🤢o🤢m🤢m🤢y🤢 because they don't want to. they never intended for people to care about him at all. it just happened because some people just loves seeing two white men kissing. he never have any importance aside from being buck's first queer relationship. i'm afraid you have lost the plot.

Literally, the show did not care or wanted you to care and at no point, they tried to give the impression that it mattered beyond being a first queer relationship. "Oh, it could've been more developed" why? I am genuinely asking why do you care? No one was crying begging for Marisol to get a last name, why should I suddenly care that Tommy was underutilized? He was literally a gateway relationship so hard they actually said that on the show. The ending they got was literally the kinder ending he could've possibly gotten. Gerrard was right there. It was nonsensical in a 911 way, but they made sure it wasn't cruel. They just did not care.