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lesbolordo · 1 year

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Leander P. X Sebastian S. | Hogwart's Legacy.

Sixth Part.

"Ominis."

"Ominis is worried for Sebastian. Explanations are given."

Tags : Angry Ominis, Bisexual Ominis, besties Ominis and Sebastian, Garrinis, Garreth Weasley, heartfelt talk between Seb and Minis, Ominis tries to be a good friend because Sebastian isn't, Depressed Sebastian.

Tomorrow was, in fact, not a better day.

Sebastian was miserable as always. He lacked both the motivation to get out of his comfy canopy bed, and to face Ominis. Facing Ominis was the first step of the day, because the awfully sighted blind boy had quickly picked up on his miserable state after his "breakup" with Leander. And to Sebastian's disappointment, his best friend had kept on asking about what had happened.

Ominis wasn't stupid, they both knew that, and before the smaller slytherin had his big fight with Leander, the taller one already knew that something was going on between the two of them. How ? He's just good like that. He knows everything about Sebastian, and any change of his moods or behavior was a hint that something was going on.

Maybe he also knew because one night he had followed Sebastian and stumbled upon the horrifying scene of his best and oldest friend getting fucked into oblivion. On the desk Ominis liked to sit at. He had walked back to his dorms traumatized and violated.

But the blind boy quickly had moved on, the horrific noises still sometimes swimming up and making him cringe and hide in his hands. Point is, he hadn't really adressed this whole situation with Sebastian. His best friend was a grown man -or not- and it wasn't Ominis' job to take care of him like that and teach him safe sex or safe courting (-Sebastian had yelled that he wasn't courting) or so he said.

But Sebastian was miserable now, and he wished Ominis had yelled at him when he had found out about him and Leander, and stopped him for continuing to see the red head and get his heart broken. No, he wasn't heart broken, he simply was... A bit sad. Sex with the Gryffindor boy was good after all. He could forget himself while they were together.

But now they weren't together anymore, and when Sebastian opened his eyes it was Ominis who he saw standing next to his bed.

"-Wake up, Sebastian.

-I am awake... Though I wish I wasn't... The brown haired Slytherin turns to lay on his side, back facing Ominis.

-I'm serious, get out of bed. The blond boy sighs at his friend's exasperating behavior. He felt like he was dealing with a schoolgirl going through her first breakup.

-Hello Serious, I'm tired and want to lay in bed all day.

-Salazar's beard, you irritate me sometimes ! Sebastian only replied with a half assed chuckle."

Ominis, to Sebastian's pleasure, gave up and went back to his own bed to probably finish getting ready, he didn't know and didn't care. All he wanted to do was lay down and fall asleep again so he couldn't think about everything -Leander- again. He just wanted to-

SPLASH !

"-NOW WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK ?? Yelled Sebastian with surprise and confusion, as well as annoyement.

-There you go, now you're awake and well. Get out of bed or it will be a pleasure for me to throw this fine water at your ungrateful head again ! He said as he menaced Sebastian with the now empty glass in his hand. He looked quite serious, and the other Slytherin knew better than to challenge his best friend's wrath.

-Alright, alright MOM ! Replied the smaller boy as he got out of bed in a hurry, contemplating his wet shirt and his wet messy locks. Now he was moody.

-Good. Now get ready. We're going out."

Was all that Ominis said before leaving the room after filling the glass again with water and putting it in Sebastian's hands. Now, he had to get ready for whatever Ominis had planned on their free day.

He knew that Ominis was rich, but he never expected his friend to literally buy him anything he made the mistake of talking about or pointing at. Sebastian was almost frightened by how "nice" his best friend was being, and it's only when they sat on a bench outside of Hogsmeade, with their many full bags and boxes, that he understood the sudden gifts.

"-... Are you feeling better yet ? Ominis wasn't looking at him, or at least turning his face toward him like usual, and Sebastian suddenly got curious.

-Are you trying to cheer me up by buying all of these for me ? He almost sounded amused, but he refrained himself from laughing upon seeing that his friend was embarassed.

-It is the only way to make someone happy that I know. Usually, Anne did the whole cheering you up... He had a frown on his blushing face, and Sebastian looked down at his own shoes.

-You're right... It's not what I'm used to but It's still nice. Thanks Ominis. He smiles to his friend, and as if the Gaunt had seen him, he smiles back.

-You're welcome. You'll pay me back when you're feeling better.

-Excuse you ??

-I'm just fooling around. His flat tone was making it hard to believe, but before Sebastian could replicate he decided that he had done enough postponing the conversation they should have had two months ago. Now tell me what happened with Prewett now, would you?

-Of course, this is about this... You really are too curious, you know that ?

-I am, but it isn't simply that. I am worried for you, Sebastian. You haven't done anything mischevious or pranked anyone in two months, you stopped talking my ears out, and all you do during your free time is lay in bed and sulk like a toddler. I never thought I would say that one day, but I wish you would just tease me like usual so I know that you're fine. Sebastian knew that he spoke from the bottom of his heart, something quite rare for Ominis, and shame and guilt made his stomach hurt suddenly. He was worrying his best friend, and he behaved like a child. It was time he grew up.

-...I'm not unlovable, Ominis, am I ? He didn't know how to explain everything that had happened with Leander, it was complicated and even he had acted out of anger this night.

-What ? No, you're annoying, but definitely not unlovable. He didn't miss the way Ominis' face frowned in confusion. Why ?

-It's just... I'm an arsehole, I know that, but I didn't expect him to say it so bluntly !

-Excuse you ? Ominis' voice was awfully devoid of emotions, like the calm before the storm, and Sebastian knew that he had made a mistake.

-Ah, it's not like that ! I mean, it is, really, he said that I was an unlovable and undatable arsehole, but...

-But what, Sebastian ?? I'll hex him into next year, that bloody red haired bastard. He stood up and took his wand out, ready to chase down Leander and punish him for what he had done. As amusing as it was, the brown haired Slytherin didn't want to see that.

-Calm down, Ominis, I don't think he meant it.

-So what ?? That foolish bastard-

-Just sit down again, alright ? I'll explain..."

Ominis looked toward his friend with a frown on his pale face, sharp traits unusually tense and frustrated. After some internal pondering, he sat down again and let out a sigh, keeping his wand in hand still. He knew that Sebastian wasn't a baby, although he could be at times, and that if the Gryffindor really had done something terrible, he would have hexed him himself. Plus, Garreth would have told him if anything really bad had happened, he knew each and every thing that Leander said and did.

As Sebastian explained the situation correctly, many ideas to punish the red head went through his head, like using his Gossip connections to reveal his dirty secrets, or unleashing the Gaunt's influence on him. But he could hear how his best friend felt toward the taller boy, and he guessed that it wasn't his place to act.

Sebastian felt better now that he had told Ominis everything. It was like a heavy weight that kept him in bed all days and depresed had lifted off him, and now he could enjoy things again. He was grateful that Ominis had seemed to understand that he didn't want him to act and do anything. It was his fight and his problems, and he would be the one to make things better or cut things off for good.

"-So, now you know. Don't hit me alright, I know you told me that he was no good.

-I did, and you ignored me. Now you face the consequences. Ominis sighed. At least you realize how stupid all of this is.

-Yeah...

-But if you like him-

-I don't like him ! Sebastian said with big eyes, looking at his friend like he had just pissed on his mother's floor.

-Alright then, if you love him-

-LOVE ?? Ominis frowned, not liking to get cut off.

-Shut up !! If you "don't like slash love him" -He put the words between apostrophes despite Sebastian's indignation- why don't you try to make things better ?

-... Because I won't be the one crawling back ! He's the one who messed everything up, he has to be the one apologizing !

-...Right, I forgot that you're Sebastian for a second. That earned a glare from his best friend. Ominis sighed at the complicated situation. I'll speak to Garreth then.

-...Why ?

-Because he might know what to do. The Gaunt heir replied as if it was obvious, and Sebastian shot him a confused look that he couldn't see but feel. He knows everything about Leander, believe me. If he didn't say that he loved me, I'd believe him to be in love with him.

-Oh, alright. What ? Before Sebastian could even get a reply about Garreth saying I love you to Ominis, they were interrupted by the subject of the conversation. His eyes widened when his best friend immediatly smiled the way he had only smiled to his sister years ago, and eagerly stood up and walked away to meet Garreth halfway."

Dumbfounded, Sebastian watched them interact, observing curiously as Ominis chuckled prettily at Garreth's terribly unfunny joke, and as the red head's hand sneaked it's way around the smaller boy's waist, innocently.

He had only seen Ominis so happy and in love in their third year. He had fell in love with Anne and they had tried, but it never worked out. Sebastian realized that Ominis really had grown, suddenly. He was almost a man now, he even had found love with someone that could love him the way he needed to.

Sebastian figured that he needed to grow up too, and make things right between him and his own red head.

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(Ask me if you'd like to be tagged in this story !) @froggyinaspen -

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Sorry I took so long boys I've been re watching Love Death and Robots lmao.

#hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow #leander prewett #ominis gaunt #hogwarts legacy drabbles #prewlow #sebastian sallow x leander prewett #sebastian x leander #ominis #garrinis #garreth weasley #garreth weasley x ominis gaunt #ominis gaunt x garreth weasley

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justshitandanime · 1 year

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Furutsu Basuketto/Fruits Basket (Anime) Critic, opinion, no spoilers

One more of this kind of animes with the “the most boring girl somehow get all the guys” syndrome but a little better than expected. Even when the “reverse harem” tag is more a “2 boys fighting for a girl”...

Music and design? Average. Nohing to point. Some frames look great.

Let’s see the characters:

The girl? Well, is not the holy potato but is FINE. I dislike her original japanese voice (I hate sharp childish voices and she sound as if she is 4 years old) and is also very plain in some aspects, like, damn low reaction, is half of the time just watching what happens and let herself drag for what others do. She is sometimes so stupid that is a recurrent joke from others characers to point how DUMB she is. But her “traumatized” part give her some depth to her stupid always similing personality, so is okay. She is not like that just because the plot need it, she have a backstory.

Her best frieds (a badass semi gang blonde and a goth vibe semi witch) are by far my favorites and they both could keep the story way better than her.

The main boys? Kinda average, is the dinamic of always (introvert sensitive one vs extrovert impulsive one), so it happens as always happens.

There is also the pedo character but at least they don’t normalize it as something good but become in a recurrent “joke” of the others characters to tell him to not do anything illegal or he will end in jail. It should not even be there but ok, let’s put the “pedo is bad” mention as something barely good.

The true hero is her mom. Everyone should have her mom. I want her mom.

One of the very good things is LGTBQIA+ CHARACTERS!

One is openly bisexual AND clearly bipolar/Dissociative identity disorder.

Another play in the “bigender/drag/ambiguous” as openly say to be “uke” (submissive homosexual).

Other guy put hints to have some kind of relationship with him, as to also like womans, so another bisexual.

Other guy use female clothes since was a kid, so probably trans!

The story is fine, and it have a little of plot that make you want to know more, specially with the “mistery characters” who are mentioned a ton of times but who take a while in show up. Also some hidden intentions grow with the chapters, so it also add some intrigue.

The season 1 is more a presentation of characters than anything else. The romance is very set aside and focus more in how the boy develop feelings, because she is like “lost” and her job is mostly react to others.

The season 2 get a little more dramatic and deep.

Score: 3.4/5 and 6.5/10 Will be a little slow unless you are very fan of this genre.

#Furutsu Basuketto #Fruits Basket #anime #anime review #anime opinion #anime critic

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utilitycaster · 2 years

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Hi! I'm sorry if you've already talked about this, but I was wondering what your thoughts were on Caleb's becoming a professor at the Soltryce Academy? As compared to what some fans thought he would do (going rogue and taking down Cerberus Assembly)

Hi anon,

I don't know if I've talked about this, and I don't think I have at length if I did, so I'd like to thank you for asking me and providing the opportunity for the rant below. If you were simply looking for a brief answer that is only about Caleb, then I do have to ask whether you are familiar with this blog and my whole deal. But also the brief answer is "I think it's beautiful that Caleb carves out a place for himself that harkens back to his childhood dreams, in a world he once thought he would have to remake entirely in order to ever feel at home. The idea that this is somehow a failure, and that the secret good ending is him turning into Batman or perhaps a moderately sympathetic Agatha Christie villain seems unfathomable if you are not stupid and lack all media literacy. Unfortunately being an idiot with no media literacy is somewhat in vogue these days. In this essay I will - "

(and here's the essay)

The ending of Campaign Two felt horribly abrupt when announced: I was among the people who thought so, and who thought so loudly. Yet it finished, after a marathon session, with an ending that, at every turn, showed how profoundly the cast cared about and understood the arcs of the characters they had built and the story that they had told. They truly did, as the advice Brennan repeated recently goes, surprise us with the inevitable. I would not change a thing.

Caleb Widogast, like any good character, was more than the sum of his parts. Yes, he was a sensitive portrayal of a character who had undergone traumatic child abuse and who still was dealing with the aftermath. Yes, he was an equally sensitive portrayal of someone who is primarily speaking in one's second language. Yes, he was a wizard, which rules, and bisexual, which also rules, and he had a magic cat and a great sense of humor. But most of all Caleb was the realization of a coherent goal that was deeply tied into the setting not just of D&D 5e but of Exandria, of Wildemount, of Zemni Fields, and of the Soltryce Academy.

He was once a young man who dreamed of something better and who had a gift for the arcane, and he managed, so he thought, to find a way to rise above his humble origins. His dream was to become a teacher. Trent had other plans, you know the rest, and he woke up in his late 20s, a fugitive, with the magic powers he'd had in his mid-teens, and a life he felt he had nigh irrevocably destroyed. For a time, he lived mostly not because he wished to be alive, but because he felt his death would not serve his goal: his moonshot, to undo the mess he'd made of his past. Along the way, he met a goblin, and then he met a few people more. He started to laugh again, and to become more powerful, and encounter new ideas, and fall in love, and inch by inch, begin to heal - all without yet undoing his parents' death. He made arcane breakthroughs that had nothing to do with altering time and all to do with helping his closest friend. He tentatively found that there were other wizards he could trust, and learn from, and perhaps even care for.

And also, along that path, he learned there were others who pursued secrets about time, and possibility; there were wizards he could not trust but from whom he might have been able to learn. And he sometimes chose not to do so, because somewhere along the line, the plan changed. I don't think Caleb even realized it had until he was faced with his chance. It is worth noting that Caleb's murderous rampage through Vergesson Sanatorium, and his decision to leave Trent Ikithon alive, were separated by no more than a week.

Caleb did not end the campaign fully healed. That's not how this works; that's not even a meaningful or measurable statement. But he did end the campaign having told himself, inch by inch, that moving forward cannot happen while also moving backward. He let go of so many things, recognized they were not to be, and then he finally stood in a room with Essek with an ancient machine that said "you can do it. You can have what you've wanted for so long." And Caleb had planned this, planned it carefully, no paradoxes for him, just his parents living a quiet life half a world away, and he could have done it. In a way, it would have felt inevitable too. And he hears Essek say "Will you do it? I will help you." And he hears Essek say "But I accept my regrets, my thoughts now, and I'm here today with this knowledge, in this moment with you, because of those mistakes." And he hears himself say "Because you're not my cat. My cat is dead." And he sees himself with Frumpkin around his shoulders like a scarf in the tiny hut in the middle of the tundra. And he hears himself say "Yeah, he's always been one to control narrative. And that is a big part of holding onto power, controlling narrative." And he drags some dust up his arm, and disintegrates everything in the room, and burns what's left.

***

My brother works in a middle school (I promise this is relevant). My brother is also an openly gay man with rainbows plastered prominently on various laptop and backpack surfaces. As one might guess, he's had multiple kids come out to him. I think about this when I think about what Caleb said, about how, when the guard changes, will he and Astrid "mangle more children to feed the fields of Wynandir." And I think about what it means to the Assembly, who we know benefited from Trent's actions, who in some cases were well aware of them, to not only have one of his former victims among their number, but to have one in the very school they used to recruit. What it means that both these people publicly gave testimony. What it means to the Soltryce Academy students that there's a teacher they know will believe them.

Caleb has already struck down what he needed to of the Cerberus Assembly.

It's simple. Sometimes happiness looks like a return. Sometimes happiness looks like a boat heading towards the horizon. Sometimes happiness looks like a place to rest. And I think that it's not out of the question to say that to some, happiness does come after a righteous round of revenge. But does not look like that for Caleb, and what's more, while he took the whole campaign to discover how it might look for him - to even believe that it was a thing he could still perceive and one day have - it never, at any point, did.

#did i go perilously close to You Are Jeff by Richard Siken in one portion of this essay? yes.#did I hold myself back from writing parallel essays about the other 6 long term members of the nein? yes.#critical role #caleb widogast #oh the paragraph about destroying the t-dock: direct references to c2 episodes 141 130 120 110 and 141 again in that order #long post

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ps-i-dont-even-know · 3 years

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Devil may cry parent headcanons

Dante

He probably is a fun dad but at the same time don't leave your kids with him, it would be a disaster

Will wake up to crying at 12 am and try to put the kid back to sleep, ends up with both of them watching tv instead

This man will do anything with your kid, they want to go to the park, sure he'll have to keep an eye on them. They want to see the movies, sure has to be below pg or he will never hear the end of it from the nightmares his kids have. Want to go to the zoo, sure he just needs to make sure they don't go into the exhibit.

He will play dress up and tea time with them. He will put on a dress and have them do his makeup just so he can go to tea time, and might start some beef with Mr teddy for stealing his cupcakes, but he will do it proudly.

He will try to do their hair in the morning for school, again he is not the best at it and will probably give them crooked pigtails, he's trying he really is.

Can't cook for shit, I'm sorry if you think he could cook please take a look at all the pizza box stored around his shop. Like he will take cooking lessons or watch cooking shows but dear god how do you set fire to milk.

He will always be there for his kid to vent even if he doesn't know how to respond he will sit and let them rant about stuff, also trying to cheer them up because he doesn't want to see them sad

If they brought their homework to him he would be confused he can barely pay his bills i don't think he knows how to do math, but drama he will rock that stuff his acting skills are on point even if it's cheesy

Will waste all his money on the kid, toys, clothes, video games, you name it he will buy it and give to the kid

Remember how I said not to leave your kid alone with Dante yeah, he may or may noteave his weapons/devilarms around for the kids to grab them, like halfway of Dante walking into the main room and he sees ebony in his kids mouth he tricksters all the way to them and quickly grab ebony before anything bad happens, but the kid will start crying and he has to find something for them to mess with or he'll get a headache

He accidently devil triggered in front of his kid now depending on which one he get two responses and he's expecting screaming for both, but if its regular dt like humanish looking one, "woah, dad grew scales and wings, are you a lizard king?" Now its his Sin Dt he would get "Oo, daddys a gaint dragon" for both case they will proceed to touch his scales? And will be all over him trying to climb him to the point he literally has to switch out of dt so they don't get hurt. Also he's a heat source for winter if the heating doesn't get paid for.

If his kid comes out as any of the lgbtq+ he would be supportive and loves them for who they are, I also see him being apart of it too.(I know a few people see him as asexual I do too, as well as bisexual)

Vergil

Look this guy probably has no clue what he's doing, even if we wish he could've taken care of Nero (at least I do) he didn't and now he has another kid to take care

Please help him hold the baby, he can't properly do it at all, he's just holding them by their chest and staring at them with confusion as the child cry, "why won't they stop screaming?"

He will get the hang of taking care of the kid, but please don't leave him alone with them for long he still has no clue what he's doing half the time

"Hey can I hang out with (insert name) at the mall?", "Do I know their mom?", "Uh, no", "Do I know their dad?", "No" Then that settles it, you can't go", "But-", "No buts, if I don't know their parents you can't go, and that's finale"

Can he cook, probably but he's been in hell for most of his life and doesn't know what he's doing half the time. Thank god for cooking shows and book he at least tries a learn how to cook, and doesn't burn anything unlike someone else

He will read the kids William Blake or other bed time stories before bed time, and will do activities where they try to make up poems he has to thank Nero for the idea

Speak of Nero, if Vergil has a mission he will leave his kids with him, he's not trusting Dante at all. Nero absolutely loves his step siblings even if their like a few years younger than him, they will either play with the other kids at the orphanages or play Nero which consist of Video games, sometimes sword fights if they beg long enough, or just talk about the stuff their dad and uncle does that are stupid and make fun of them for it.

Also that one dad to try and help with math homework but makes the kid cry because they don't understand the problem and he's yelling at them "What's 2 x 2?" Its traumatizing please someone tell him to cool it or his kid is going to have problems when it comes to yelling and math, also complains how he didn't learn it that way as a kid, I promise you he was homeschooled.

Now his kids can vent to him but he has no clue what to do nor have much good advice but he will give what he knows even if it's not the best.

This can go many ways, this man know his kid is getting bullied he will go down to the school with the Yamato and threaten someone's life, give his kid the sword for them to deal with it instead, or use some brain cells and deal with it like civil people and we hope he chooses the last one

Now he's a little careful with his devil trigger and doesn't want to scare his kids, but its by accident really and he expects screaming, just like Dante he gets two responses. Regular dt and I'm going off of 4 because I don't think he has one in dmc5, "Dad, why didn't you tell me/us your secretly a bug, don't worry well keep you away from shoes." If its Sin Dt, "Wow, your a dragon this whole time, does this mean I'm also a dragon, where do you keep your stashed gold?", I feel like for his regular dt they will sometimes smack him with a fyswatter and he has to turn out of his sin dt quickly because they want to mess with the fire coming out of him.

If his kids come out as lgbtq+ he will be supportive and a little confused because he has no clue what it is. They have to explain what it means and what their sexuality means, he'll still be supportive and loves his kids no matter what they are

Nero

Out of Vergil and Dante, he's probably the one who knows more about taking care of kids since he grew up with them in an orphanage and takes care of them

I feel he's like a mix between Dante and Vergil, Fun dad but will put his foot down on somethings

If its a girl you bet he will go out to a store at whatever time it is and buy then pad/tampon when their monthly comes no questions asked he just knows. If its a dude he will give the talk, not just protection but what not to do, like when a girl tells him to stop he needs to stop, no advancing on or anything like that (I feel like the no advancing will also go for the girl)

Doesn't do favoritism, he hates that stuff since he technically dealt with it as a kid, if one kid ask why he loves the other more than them he will shut that down quickly and tell them he loves them equally and will move moons for them to both be happy

Best cook hands down, and will let his kids help if they want to but keeps them away from sharp objects. He will also take them out to dinner if he doesn't want to cook

He's decent with homework, and goes about it in a fun learning experience for the both of them, if they get an answer right they get a point that they can trade for something special later kne, if they get it wrong they will go over it again, but still get a point because no favoritism. He also help make a volcano, but also put a little extra pizzazz to it, and might have caused the whole kitchen to be a different color now.

His kids can vent to him, he will understand and try to help give advice for some issues, also takes them out of the house to do something they want to do to cheer them up

He will encourage his kids to follow what they want to do, play a sport? He will show up to every game, even if that means giving Dante his mission he will. A club? He will make sure they have everything they need for that club and be on time for it, be it art, book, yearbook, student council, etc. They want to do boy scout/girl scout, he will make sure he gets them a vest and help put pins on as well. He will be the number one supportive dad

As soon as his kid comes to him crying about how some other kid is bullying them he will be mad, he'll reassuring his kid that they are amazing first, then go to the school, if they don't do anything he will go straight to the parent and make sure that their kid doesn't mess with his anymore.

Will watch anime with them, if they agree that is don't want your dad into your stuff. But like he's absolutely into it, he seems like the person to like Bleach (this was not intentional I complete forgot that the voice actor for Nero also did Ichigo) or Cowboy Bebop. Maybe sailor moon but you won't hear him say it

Look he's really new to the devil trigger business, the only thing close he had was that ghost creature, so keeping this thing in check and not popping up randomly is hard. His kids reaction are, "You hair is longer, are you like rapunzel, oh wait you have wings and a crown your an angel. Oh can I braid your hair please," of course he will let them braide his hair he can't say no to a pouting face, they also will poke his wings to see if their real.

He will definitely support his kid if their aprat of the lgbtq+, will buy them flags, merch, you name it. He want his kid to feel safe and loved

Lady and Trish

Look I can't separate these two, when I first saw them I thought they were girlfriends, and I can't let that go. But these two would definitely be the fun and protective mom

So considering Trish and Lady are both females they definitely have to adopt of course, now Lady may not know if its half demon or full, but Trish does and she probably would help the kid when they get older since she knows about the demon body considering she has one, if its human Lady knows the most about the stuff going on when they get older and has I already planned out.

Now Lady has to be the protective mom because the shit happen with her dad she definitely doesn't want anything bad to happen to their kid, and Trish is like you do you kid if you get hurt you learn from it "its the demon way of raising" she says. Though she still will watch over them and make sure they don't get themselves severely hurt

They will buy their kid anything, and take them out shopping. It's like a spin the wheel of pay to see if they will pay for the stuff or put it under Dante's name for shits and giggles

Lady has to like keep her weapons locked up somewhere safe, unlike Dante, she's more careful with her weapons

If their kid is mad or something Trish will take them to some deserted area with some random stuff she found that isn't in use and have their kid throw it in the air so she can blow it up with her lighting, you know to blow steam off

Trish or Lady tell their kid the stupidest thing Dante has done or said, if they visit Dante please note one will scream if Dante says something about a soul, "I should have been the one to fill your dark soul with Light" and get the voice crack right too, he will look so embarrassed

Now Trish might not know anything about homework she'll support the best she can but Lady knows most of the stuff and will help.

Trish will tell their king everything about Hell, who's in charge, what creatures are there, the history of it all. Its a great learning experience until you tell them that the female demons kill the male after finishing mating

If they are out in public and some guy is hitting on their kid and their tell him no, protective mom mode is on. Mostly Lady has to stop Trish from frying thr guy, but Lady will give the man a price of her mind saying if he tries to do this shit again with her kid he will be going home with a foot straight up his ass. So now no man tries to hit on her

Definitely let the kids go venting to them, they give the best cuddled, some good advice, and shopping if they say someone's bullying them they will see that the parent deals with their kid.

They knew their kid was apart of lgbtq+, of course their supportive of who they are, they are dating of course. They will take them to a pride march in June

Kyrie

Look, LOOK, she is an amazing mom, so caring but also will put her foot down on somethings

Besides Nero she is a good cook and baker, while she doesn't want kids in the kitchen while she's cooking will will have them help with baking sweet

Reads bedtime stories and tucks her kids in and kiss goodnight (ugh my heart hurts I love this)

She will play video games with her kids mostly on the wii, she still the champion on Mario Kart and Just Dance no one has taken their spot yet, even Nero tries

Packs lunch for her kids and puts a note in it telling them that she loves them and hope they have the best day

She does worry about them from time to time when they go over a friends house, only because of what happened to her brother and then Nero she doesn't want anything to happen to her kids

Tells them not to climb the tree in their backyard, what does one of them do, they climb it and accidently falls down. She goes to them saying "You know I told you not to do it, and you did it anyways, you need to be more careful and listen to me. I'm not doing this because I'm being uptight I'm doing this for your safety I want you to be able to do the things you want in the future"

I feel like she's the same way with friends like Vergil, if she doesn't know the parents then you can't go out or over their house

She is really a good listener and help with advice, so venting to her is a really great idea also will ask about your feelings and how your doing someday, like she knows your in a sad mood

She also good with homework, I feel like she wanted to become a teacher as well as study for it, but instead stuck with taking care of orphans, so she probably homeschools her kids too

She also makes the kids clothes time to time, they have little sweaters or shirts that are soft and comfortable

She is so supportive of her kids if they come out lgbtq+, she doesn't care as long as their happy thats all that matters.

Nico

Now I love Nico amazing and pretty girl but don't leave a child with her, just like Dante it will be a disaster, but she probably would try to be a better parent than her since he technically wa this weird freaky man who experimented on demons or was weird.

Let's start with teaching the kid every swear word she knows and tells them to go up to Nero call him one of those names, she will hear her name being screamed and find an angry Nero going over to her as she burst into fits of laughter

Will be extra pair of arms when getting a tool they need for fixing the van, when Nero does understand what a Dohicky is

I think Nico can cook, its decent not bad or good, she did nearly burn the van down from trying to cook turkey.

She will try and cut back on smoking or at least not doing it when the kid is around because its bad for them, Nero scoffs because she nags him when he tells her to stop, but not her kids

Now her kids could bring homework to her, like he's good in math, engineering, and probably biology, but she'll act as if she never even seen the stuff in her life, because she wants to get her learn it and not her just giving them the answer. But if their kid is in a science fair I bet she will help make something totally child friendly(its not really), it kind of gets her and her kid ban from doing anymore science fairs.

She will teach then everything she knows about Demon, mostly the biology of it, and when Nero brings a demon part for his breakers, she goes in explain how she turns them into those.

Will tease her kids if they talk about their crush, she's a huge teaser so saying something about someone they really like or anything its a mistake, she will embarrass them in front of their crush, but she means well

If they try to change the channel of the radio she swats their hand saying the driver picks the music and the passenger has to sit and listen.

If she's busy with something she will let Nero and Kyrie babysit her kids, she trust them and the kids love Nero and Kyrie.

Tries to teach her kids how to drive when their of age to learn, but Nero and Kyrie won't let her considering how she drives and that the instructor is more legal to do it.

No but she will tease her kid a bit if they come out lgbtq+ too, of course she supportive I kind of see her being apart of lgbtq+ as well

*Bonus because it seemed reasonable to just put this one here like this*

Nero, Dante, Vergil, Lady, Trish, Nico

They will teach their kid self defense, and how to use a weapon. While they rather their kids have a normal life instead of a demon hunter for many reasons, they at least want their kid to take care of themselves if they find themselves in a situation where their life is on the line

#devil may cry #devil may cry vergil #dante devil may cry #nero devil may cry #devil may cry headcanons #dmc kyrie #devil may cry nico #devil may cry lady #devil may cry trish #devil may cry headcanon

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new-timeline-new-me · 4 years

Text

so earlier I was talking with some friends (i’d tag them but TUMBLRS NOT LETTING ME) anyway we started talking about halloween plus the hargreeves and I couldn’t stop thinking about it so now I’m making a post :)

ok costumes. a big part of halloween. klaus drunkenly called a family meeting just to ask what everyone’s costumes would be. they all admitted they either didn’t have one yet or they just weren’t dressing up. THen someone suggests that they dress up as each other and so they end up putting all their names in a hat and drawing

luther- he gets vanya and he just wears a button up shirt as loose as he possibly can and carries a ukelele around

diego- diego draws klaus and channels his inner bisexual™ to achieve the klaus look. he wears a hawaiian shirt (all the buttons are undone) he puts on sunglasses and wears jean shorts. to add the affect he grabs a boa.

allison- allison draws diego. she borrows some of the clothes from his closet and ends up deciding on his orange button up and jeans. she parts her hair and tries to match the waviness of diego’s . she ends up keeping his clothes bc men’s clothes are more comfortable also she looks hot

klaus- so klaus gets FIVE so he goes up to his old room and pulls out one of his old uniforms that is way to small for him and its basically a crop top with a SKIN TIGHT BLAZER. the sleeves wouldnt fuckin fit him so he cut them off. to make things better- or worse, i’ll let you decide- he cuts the shorts. he claims he’s aiming for the stripper look. he achieves it 1000%. also btw he carries an axe to “complete the look”

five- five thinks this is a stupid idea, but fuck it, they’re gonna make him do it whether he likes it or not. he draws ben. he pulls a charlie brown and just puts a sheet over his head. huzzah.

ben- ben gets allison and he puts on a fancy dress. he looks absolutely STUNNING. also he tried to do something with his hair but ended up looking like medusa.

vanya- vanya gets luther and she just goes to some store and buys one of those shirts with abs

yeah. like one of these bad boys. she also puts on a stocking hat with a monkey on it.

they decide not to tell each other who they got until halloween but if you have siblings you’ll know how shit goes down. not a single person’s costume is left a secret.

they put klaus in charge of decorations and a conversation goes like this:

diego: i thought you were decorating for halloween

klaus: i am

diego: you're just hanging up pictures of five

klaus: what? he's the scariest thing i could think of

then the phineas and ferb episode like the “he gives me the willes” lmao

on the outside five is rolling his eyes but he’s actually super touched that they think he’s scary <3

aLSo diegos in charge of picking out candy and he grabs an unholy amount of literally every candy imaginable. they eat a lot of it while waiting for trick or treaters.

luther, allison, vanya, and ben are in charge of handing out candy.

all the kids think luther is super cool and they love him. he gives the kids like half a bag full of candy each.

they love allison and the kids parents like somewhat recognize her sometimes they do and then they start talking while the kids like mom lets move on.

vanya compliments everyone’s costumes and lets them pick what candies they want specifically.

studies prove the kids who compliment ben’s dress and/or hair get 300 times more candy

LAst but Not LEAST klaus decides to take advantage of five’s thirteen yo look and makes him go trick or treating.

every time someone asks him what his costume is he says in the dullest, most monotone voice, “my dead brother”

if the person doesn’t respond right away he starts talking about how when he was thirteen he found his siblings dead bodies in the middle of a barren post apocolapse world and was then left to survive being the last person alive

he gives his trademark shit eating grin (yeah you know the one) and asks in the sweetest voice “may i have some candy please?”

the target™ at this point is traumatized at the words of this poor boy and fucking dumps a large amount of candy into five’s bag.

klaus is waiting right behind him nodding enthusiastically (still in the stripper outfit) with a lollipop in his mouth (also miming suprise and sadness with the dead bro story)

they do kennys mom at one point and she only gives him like two pieces

when they’re walking back five makes klaus carry him AND their fuckton of candy

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stupendousbookworm · 3 years

Text

"I speak fluent English, French, German and bullshit"

"Do you think cinnamon rolls have a separate life before we eat them?"

"Rowan, can books fly?"

"What if every star in the sky represents a soul that departed from the world? I wouldn't mind ending up there"

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Name: Ara Annora Rose Black

Nicknames: Ara Bear, annoying bitch, black, cursed kid

Gender: Female

Age: 16

Sexuality: bisexual

Alignment: Chaotic neutral

Blood status: Pureblood

Date of Birth: 18th February 1973

Ethnicity: French/British

Nationality: British

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In front of the students of Hogwarts, she's the infamous curse breaker; a person not to be messed with. But in the eyes of her friends, she's the silliest and idiotic Ravenclaw known to kind. A girl with a dark past but huge ambitions, a sharp mind and a knack for attracting trouble, she's a chaotic person. But will she be able to find her brother and save Hogwarts?

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Personality:

Brilliant: although she can be a tad bit daft at times, she's rather smart, and can solve problems quite efficiently. If she understands the concept, nothing can stop her.

Stubborn: she's pretty adamant when she wants to achieve something. She doesn't stop until she reaches her goal. It comes as both a blessing and a curse

Sarcastic: she can hurt you when she wants to. Her sarcasm is rather brutal, and she always regrets saying anything rude. She really doesn't filter what she says before saying it.

Musically talented: she can sing, and play many instruments, including the guitar, piano, saxophone, flute and drums

Short tempered: she really can't control her anger. She gets pissed off rather easily and it gets on everyone's nerves. It's all a part of her defense mechanism

Kind: she's the person who acts like a bitch but actually cares for you, and looks out for you. Don't worry, she's got your best interests at heart

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What are her likes?

chocolate, cinnamon rolls, her Ravenclaw jumper, astronomy, her friends, coffee, old books, reading Shakespeare, singing, playing music, dueling, messing around with Tonks, Tulip and Jae, and sleeping

What are her dislikes?

being woken up, strawberries, Tonks eating her special banana ketchup sandwich, dungbombs, Mrs. Norris the dumb cat, when someone tears a page out of a book, and History of Magic

Where does she live?

Tonks Cottage, London, with Nymphadora, Andromeda and Ted

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Appearance:

Hair colour: Black

Eye colour: grey

Skin Tone: pale

Height: 6'0

Weight: 118 lbs

Build: thin and lanky with a slight slouch. She eats a lot of junk food but it doesn't show because of her "good metabolism"

Aesthetic: astronomical, academia and grunge (?)

Inventory: her wand, a half eaten bag of chocolate chips, a old family heirloom time turner (that's rather faulty), black finger-less gloves and Moonshine the baby kneazle

Face Claim: Steffy Argelich

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Magic

1st wand: Ash wood, 12 1/2 inches, phoenix feather core, great for transfiguration, nice and swishy

The ash wand cleaves to its one true master and ought not to be passed on or gifted from the original owner, because it will lose power and skill. This tendency is extreme if the core is of unicorn. Old superstitions regarding wands rarely bear close examination, but I find that the old rhyme regarding rowan, chestnut, ash and hazel wands (rowan gossips, chestnut drones, ash is stubborn, hazel moans) contains a small nugget of truth. Those witches and wizards best suited to ash wands are not, in my experience, lightly swayed from their beliefs or purposes. However, the brash or over-confident witch or wizard, who often insists on trying wands of this prestigious wood, will be disappointed by its effects. The ideal owner may be stubborn, and will certainly be courageous, but never crass or arrogant.

2nd wand: Ebony wood, 13 inches, dragon heartstring core, brilliant for dueling, very flexible

This jet-black wand wood has an impressive appearance and reputation, being highly suited to all manner of combative magic, and to Transfiguration. Ebony is happiest in the hand of those with the courage to be themselves. Frequently non-conformist, highly individual or comfortable with the status of outsider, ebony wand owners have been found both among the ranks of the Order of the Phoenix and among the Death Eaters. In my experience the ebony wand’s perfect match is one who will hold fast to his or her beliefs, no matter what the external pressure, and will not be swayed lightly from their purpose.

Boggart: herself, but as a death eater

Riddikulus form: being surrounded by friends, who have her back

Patronus: Black Raven

As a patronus a black raven represents knowledge, they carry intelligence and quick wit, matching perfectly with Ravenclaw. You find extreme comfort in those with intelligence and knowledge of past events, and how to handle new things calmly and with poise. You tend to have some moments of a delicate, sensitive side that comes out of them in times of fear or sadness. You tend not to always a leader, but a follower because they know that others may have more experience or wisdom than them, but if you know you are the most intelligent, knowledgeable or wise, you take the reigns and lead the way. In the same way the owner of this patronus will give up leadership, to a wiser leader, they will do the same in a multitude of different situations. Despite this, you are very brave and cunning, but in other areas, when you do take leadership, you are a strong-minded and focused leader, you never let you guard down, even if you are scared or confused. You carry an extreme amount of knowledge with you at all times, waiting to find a use in the correct situation. This patronus matched with Ravenclaw, means that you are able to think of creative and innovative ideas for the better of the team, even when you are not the leader.

Patronus memory: When Andromeda and Ted accepted her as their own daughter. She realised that she did have a family who loved her and cared for her.

Animagus: a small Black Raven

Amortentia (what they smell like): old books, chocolate, a tad bit of cinnamon, coffee and lavender

Amortentia (what they smell): a library, petrichor, grass, cinnamon, and a very strong woody cologne

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Magical Abilities:

Legilimency and Occlumency:

Legilimency is the act of magically navigating through the many layers of a person's mind and correctly interpreting one's findings. A person who practices this art is known as a Legilimens. Muggles might call this "mind-reading," but practitioners disdain the term as naïve. The opposite of Legilimency is Occlumency, which is used to shield one's mind from the invasion and influence of a Legilimens.

Occlumency is the act of magically closing one's mind against Legilimency. It is ancient, and has existed since medieval times.[1] It can prevent a Legilimens from accessing one's thoughts and feelings, or influencing them. A person who practices this art is known as an Occlumens.

Favourite spells: Bombarda, Legilimens, Expecto Patronum, Reducto

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School:

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw

Organizations joined: Hogwarts, Circle of Khanna, The Order of The Phoenix

Apprenticeships: worked as an intern at the Ministry of Magic for a while, and helped Madam Pomfrey in the Hospital Wing with Chiara

Professions: Auror for a while, took a break after a bad injury and ended up teaching at Hogwarts for a year, and then became an Alchemist.

Best Subjects: Transfiguration, Potions, Flying, Charms, Astronomy and DADA

Worst Subjects: Herbology, History of Magic, Divination.

Extra curricular activities: Keeper of the Ravenclaw Quidditch Team, sometimes tutors first years

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Relationships:

Fuck her blood family, she's a part of the Tonks family now

Edward "Ted" Tonks

He might not be her father, but he sure is her dad. Muggle born Ted taught Ammie how to mess around with muggle tools, and introduced her to muggle movies and other random trinkets. He thinks of Ammie as his own daughter, and was the one who taught her how to ride a bicycle

Andromeda "Meda" Tonks (née Black)

Andromeda took in her niece when she had nowhere to go, treated her like family, and protected her from all sorts of danger. Provided love, care and support to Ammie during her traumatizing times. She was considered as a blood traitor, but that didn't stop her from saving her little niece

Nymphadora "Dora" Tonks

Ammie's sister, and best friend. Stood by her side for everything and supported her all the way. Provided comic relief and loves Ammie to death. With a stupid sense of humor, and a knack for creating mischief, she's Ammie's most beloved person

Jacob Black

The one who started it all. The idiot who got himself stuck in a portrait. All of this garbage began with him, and Ammie never lets him forget it. Very protective of his little sister and hates everyone for some reason

Misc family members: Sirius Black, Regulus Black, Walburga Black, Orion Black.

Friends: Rowan Khanna, Ben Copper, Bill Weasley, Penny Haywood, Nymphadora Tonks, Talbott Winger, Badeea Ali, Tulip Karasu, Jae Kim, Chiara Lobosca, Charlie Weasley, Barnaby Lee, and Liz Tuttle

Closest Canon Friends: Rowan Khanna, Nymphadora Tonks, Talbott Winger, Tulip Karasu, Jae Kim and Badeea Ali

Closest MC friends:

Alvina Arcane-Zheng ( @oneirataxia-girl)

Celeste Wheterstead ( @bananascrackersnuts)

Tessa Reed ( @hphm4ever)

Adel Young (@adellovesrowan)

Matthew Luther (@hphmmatthewluther)

Cato Reese (@catohphm)

Niky Dona, Sabina Ivylash and Persephone Palerosine (@nikyiscreepy)

Night Nur Rhea (@night-rhea)

(I don’t have much friends... Just lmk if your MC wants to be friends with mine)

Love Interest: Talbott Winger

Dorm Mates: Rowan Khanna, Tulip Karasu, Badeea Ali and Skye Parkin

Rival/ bestie: Merula Snyde

Enemies: Patricia Rakepick, R, The Wizard in White Robes

Pets: a female black kitten kneazle named Moonshine

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Trivia:

- Has a stuffed bear named Sir Boo Boo

- Really likes Indie Rock/Pop

- Ended up being in a band with Jae and Tonks by accident

- Pretty much hates the world in the morning

- Gets good marks in Divination by making up really tragic stories

- Can’t stand tea

- Fluent in French

- McGonagall claims to hate her, but she really thinks Ara’s rather daring

- Sings in the shower

- Annoys the heck out of Andre with her questionable fashion choices

- Stupid sense of humor

- Laughs like a witch

- Quotes Shakespeare when drunk

- Can skateboard like a pro

- Weird handwriting

- Messy yet organized

#hogwarts mystery #hphm #hphm mc #ara black

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imagineaworlds · 3 years

Text

I Love You (Part Fifty-Five) -- Aaron Hotchner

Written By: @desperately-bisexual

Request: None.

Warnings: Cursing. PTSD. Depression. Mentions of a hostage situation, shooting, murder, suicide, physical trauma.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Greenaway!Reader

Word Count: 10,588

Timeline: Season 8 Episodes 13. Right after part fifty-four.

Criminal Minds Discord Server

Before the front door was even closed, Hotch grabbed my waist, and he pulled me into a hug so tight I thought my lungs would collapse. To be fair, after a moment of being caught off guard, I started squeezing him back with every ounce of strength I had, too. It had been such a long, stressful day. We did everything we could have to help Reid, but it wasn’t enough. I had sat across from him in our house just that afternoon, promising him that Maeve would be alright. I told him that she was going to survive for him, and that he would get to hold her in his arms, just as Hotch and I were holding each other that night. But I lied. Maeve… She… Well, she wasn’t as lucky as I was. When I was taken, I practically knew how to get myself out of it because of my training, but Maeve had been waiting around for her knight in shining armor to come rescue her.

Watching Reid break down over Maeve’s body, refusing to even touch her because he didn’t get to hold her while she was still alive… I couldn’t help but think about the contrast between them and us. I remembered when Hotch found me, he broke down out of happiness and relief. He was so glad that I was safe, that I was alive, and that we were going to have a baby. We were lucky because he got to hold me in his arms again, kiss my lips as much as he wanted, to say “I love you” until his throat was sore. We got another chance together, whereas Reid and Maeve didn’t even have their first chance. It all felt unfair.

For some reason, I almost wished that I could trade places with them, just for a bit, so that they could be holding one another like Hotch and I were, so that they could kiss each other for the first time, so that they could look each other in the eyes and say “I love you”. Even though I didn’t want to lose Hotch in a million years, it almost felt like we had stolen some of the time that Reid and Maeve deserved— even though that wasn’t the case, realistically. It just felt like it should have been them standing there, relieved to be with each other. Spencer had been through so much. He deserved to be happy. He didn’t deserve this mess. He should have been able to hold Maeve…

Hotch’s arms constricted around me more and I sort of felt his knees buckle. He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck, breathing through his nose against my skin. I heard him sniffle lightly as a cold tear drop ran from his cheek and onto my neck.

“I’m here,” I cooed to him, pulling at the ends of his hair. “You’ll never lose me.”

That wasn’t guaranteed, though. For all I knew, I could have been lying to Hotch, too. Maybe someone would take me again, and they’d actually have the balls to end me. Maybe someone would take Hotch and I would be left to raise our family on our own… The thought made me want to throw up. I hadn’t put it in perspective like that. It was easy to think about dying— painful, but still easy. To think about losing Hotch randomly now, with our growing, happy family… My head started to spin, and I started to cry. I couldn’t lose him.

Hotch’s arms moved around me so that he could sweep me off my feet and cradle me close to his chest. I let him lift me off the ground, one of his arms sliding under my knees, his other one holding my back up. I kept my hold on his neck, letting him hug me as hard as he could as he slowly dropped to his knees.

We had all lost so much— Hotch more than anyone. But Reid had been through so many traumatic, unfair events. It all started with Tobias Hankle, and everything since then seemed like an attack on him, too. This… How was he supposed to recover from this? How were we supposed to help him?

That empty question kept me up all night. Hotch and I hardly even made it to the couch, still cuddled in each other’s arms, eternally grateful that we could be together. Nothing needed to be said. Nothing even needed to happen. We just sat in silence, listening to each other’s breathing, feeling the way our hearts beat in our chest, thinking about how things could have ended much differently in Hawai’i. All this time, we took each other for granted. We took our daughter for granted. If I hadn’t acted as quickly as I did when they took me on our honeymoon, and if Hotch hadn’t found me as soon as he did, then it was entirely possible that he wouldn’t have me—or neither of us would have our little ray of sunshine. We weren’t going to forget this. I don’t think anyone on the team was going to forget. Ever.

----

No one heard from Reid for about a week, and after an extremely tough case where everyone was still trying to reach out to him, I decided to head over there with Scarlet. I figured that he would be willing to see me if she was with me. After connecting the way we did during Maeve’s kidnapping, I thought that it was worth a shot. Maybe he would talk to me. If he wouldn’t reach out to his closest friends, like JJ and Garcia, maybe he would at least open up to someone who wasn’t as emotionally involved. It was easy to do that sometimes. Opening up to our loved ones was difficult because we never wanted to be judged or ridiculed by the people we knew best; but opening up to someone who was practically a stranger, like a therapist or someone on the internet, felt freeing. Since Reid and I had never been close, we hardly knew anything about each other. I’d said it before, but that was no one’s fault. It happened naturally. But now that he was suffering, and it was clear that he needed someone to talk to, I decided that I would at least try to be that shoulder he could cry on.

I adjusted Scarlet on my hip as I headed up the steps to Reid’s apartment. JJ had given me the address after I told her my idea, and she agreed that it didn’t hurt to try. When I reached the top of the steps, I stopped after noticing all of the gift baskets gathered in front of his door, all unbothered and unopened. I cocked a brow. That wasn’t right. Why were these all here, and why hadn’t Reid at least taken them inside once he knew no one was just outside, waiting to bother him? Was something wrong? Nothing felt wrong. But maybe that was why he hadn’t been in contact with any of us since Maeve’s death.

I stepped over the baskets to urgently knock on his door. “Reid, are you in there?” I leaned around Scar to get a look at the gift baskets, noticing the huge pink, cursive print that read: To Reid, From Garcia. I smiled lightly. Oh. I knocked again. “Reid, wellness check.” Nothing. “Sound off or I’m coming in.”

“Here,” I heard him respond weakly.

I let out a relieved sigh. “I brought Scarlet. Do you want to at least talk to her, if you won’t talk to anyone else?” I heard shuffling inside, the sound of a heavy piece of furniture being dragged around and books being kicked out of the way. And then the door opened. There was only enough space for Scarlet to fit through, so I caught the hint. “Okay.” I helped Scarlet down to the ground and held her tiny hands as she struggled to slowly waddle into his apartment. The door shut on my face the second Scarlet was inside. I scoffed. “I’ll be sitting out here, I guess.” I turned and slowly crouched onto the ground, groaning as I did so, catching myself before I could topple over after my foot hit one of the gift baskets Garcia left. I inspected it carefully. There was chocolate, containers of cherries and nuts, and stupid miniature figures from Doctor Who. I looked at Reid’s door while asking, “Hey, Reid, do you mind if I snack on some of this stuff?” I waited a moment for an answer, but nothing came, so I decided to just go for it. There was too much there for him to eat on his own, anyhow.

Halfway through a bag of Hershey Kisses, my phone started ringing. I leaned to the side so that I could grab it out of my back pocket while still chewing on the piece I had just popped into my mouth moments prior. Aaron Hotchner. I sighed as I answered the call. With a full mouth, I said, “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he answered honestly, “I just wanted to check to see if you got through to Reid.”

I looked over my shoulder at the door to see that there still wasn’t any movement or noise. “Well… He opened the door and let Scarlet inside, but he kept me out.”

“He let Scarlet in?”

“They really connected the day Mae—” I stopped myself. “He’s always been fond of her, baby. You remember when she was born. He had just lost Emily, and hearing that we named our daughter after her… I think something just clicked for him.” I trapped the phone between my ear and my shoulder so that I could unwrap another piece of chocolate. “He’s so good with her, baby. You should have seen him that day.”

“You don’t think it’s weird?”

I shook my head somewhat, still keeping the phone trapped. “Not at all. I think he’s just lonely.”

“But the whole team—”

“I think he needs someone impartial, Aaron.”

He sighed on the other end. “You’re right.”

I smirked. “I know.”

“When do you think you’ll be home?”

“Whenever one of them gets too tired or fussy to keep hanging out with each other.”

“E.T.A?” he teased.

“Not available.”

He laughed. “Fair enough.” I could hear him pouring himself a drink in the background, probably a glass of bourbon since the case we had gotten back from last night was a doozy, and his reward was a few drinks here and there whenever we made it through one like that. “I’m worried about him. I don’t want him to leave the team.”

“I know… I don’t either. But it’s his choice, Aaron. If it were you in his shoes, what would you do?”

“You know what I did.”

“Yeah, but you had me there to pick up the pieces. I mean, now, if you were in his shoes today—”

“Stop,” he demanded quickly. “Please.”

“I’m sorry,” I apologized sincerely. I reached to grab a gummy bear. Garcia had really outdone herself with all of these custom gift baskets that she clearly put together on her own. “It’s just been on my mind.”

“Mine, too.”

The steps just ahead of me started creaking, giving me a heads up that someone was coming. I looked up to see Morgan’s bald head slowly appear. I laughed to myself at the thought, watching as more and more of Morgan began revealing himself to me until he finally reached the top stop, at which point he looked over and spotted me. We both froze. A smile grew on his face, too. We both looked guilty when we realized that we had been caught coming to check on Reid, even though we knew that it was potentially futile.

“Baby, Morgan just got here. I’m going to have to call you back later.”

“Okay,” Hotch said, “call me when you’re on your way home.”

“Of course. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

I hung up on Hotch, leaning to put my phone back into the pocket of my pants. As Morgan sighed and sat down next to me on the floor, I handed him a handful of chocolates. He silently thanked me. We both started snacking on the chocolates, crumbling up the small tin foil wrappers and piling them up between us. I rested my head on Morgan’s shoulder.

“He’ll only see Scarlet,” I whispered.

“Well, the kid’s always liked talking to kids,” Morgan whispered back. “He’s the only one who can get through to the child victims.”

“I know.”

“He would have made a great dad one day…” He threw a wrapper angrily at the wall opposite us.

I scrunched my brows together. “He can still—”

“Not after that.”

“I refuse to believe that.”

Morgan chuckled lightly. “You’ve always been an optimist.”

“And you’ve never been a pessimist. So, what gives?”

“Nothing.”

“And I refuse to believe that,” I teased.

Morgan looked down both sides of the hallway to make sure no one was around or eavesdropping. “You know how I’ve been teaching those Academy lessons on Saturdays?”

“Yeah, you make Prentiss go.”

“Yeah, I do.” He nodded. “Has anyone told you which drill I make my cadets do the most?” I shook my head in response. “Home invasion where an entire family is being held hostage. One adult male, one adult female, one son, one baby. Care to guess why I do that one the most?”

My shoulders fell and my eyes softened. All this time, I had been so caught up in the fact that, as Jack and Scarlet's parents, it was mine and Hotch’s responsibility to take care of them and protect them. I never stopped to ask myself how Morgan and Prentiss possibly felt responsible, too. Morgan was the one who first took the initiative to befriend me when I joined the BAU, and we had been best friends since. We had always been protective of each other, but that came with the territory of being field partners, friends, and now he was the godfather of Scarlet. He probably felt an immense urge to protect us because we were his family. I couldn’t stand the idea of facing another Foyet incident, but Morgan was likely terrified of it happening, too, because he didn’t want to be the one to find us.

“There are nights where I can’t sleep,” he explained, “because I have nightmares about what could happen if something bad happens and I can’t save you. You were the first person I had ever met who understood what I went through as a kid, and you were the only other person I knew that was just as damn stubborn as I was to not admit it. You were the one who held me when I found out that Garcia had been shot. You were the one who made sure that I was okay in New York, even though you were the one we should have been worried about. I was the shoulder you cried on for months after Haley’s death because you didn’t want to worry Hotch or make him more upset than he already was. And then Hotch called to tell me that someone took you in Hawai’i, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I worried endlessly every day that you were gone. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t think about anything other than finding you because I wanted my best friend back. I wanted my partner back. I wanted my sister back. And when we found you, I was so relieved. It felt like I could finally breathe after holding my breath all my life because you were safe, you were in Hotch’s arms, and you were still fucking worried about me even though you shouldn’t have been. And then when Scarlet was born…” He choked on a light sob. “And you asked if I would be her godfather, I made a promise to myself in that moment that I would never, ever let anything happen to you guys ever again. You and Hotch have been through too damn much, and I can’t risk losing my partner again. So that was why I slept on your couch almost every day when Hotch was gone. I didn’t want to get a call in the middle of the night, calling me to a crime scene that looks eerily similar to all the shit we see at work, only to find that it’s you, Jack, and Scarlet. I couldn’t bear the thought, so I stayed as close as I could. Then when Hotch came back, and I knew I couldn’t sleep on your couch forever, I had to start working towards being efficient as hell in a situation like this. I look at family annihilator crime scenes all the time, and— you’re right, all I see is you and your family. But I don’t let it wear me down or distract me. I let it encourage me to do better, to try to stop those guys before they can hurt anyone else. There are times, though, sugar, like what happened with Maeve, and I can’t help but feel pessimistic. We’re supposed to help people like Maeve. We’re supposed to help families like yours. Yet we seem to fail nearly every time—”

“We don’t fail.”

“We’re always too late,” he argued. “That’s failing.”

“You know… Every time I’ve almost lost Hotch, I thought I was going to die. I’d see him in pain, and I’d struggle to even breathe. Those people we help… At least we’re making a difference in their lives so that they don’t have to know what that feels like.”

Morgan shifted uncomfortably while reaching for a candy. “Hotch struggled when you went missing. I’ll never forget that.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t. You don’t really understand what it was like. Hotch’s reaction to seeing you hurt was worse than how Reid reacted, and he didn’t even lose you entirely. Reid was capable of holding himself back, of biting his tongue and regressing into silence while Maeve was still missing. Hotch, on the other hand, had been lashing out. He was so angry, so upset, so lost without you. The only thing he could focus on was finding you, and even then, he needed someone to keep him on task the whole time. But he found you, and he was so relieved, and he was himself again. He won for once and we could all tell that he was so grateful. But Reid lost. He didn’t get to feel that relief. It’s going to take him a very long time to recover from that. A long, long time.”

The doorknob suddenly creaked, causing Morgan and I to both jump to our feet. We stood at attention, shoulder to shoulder, watching as the door opened ever so slightly. My attention was lowered when I saw Scarlet come waddling out of Reid’s apartment. I reached down and carefully picked her up, groaning as I did so and felt my back strain. Morgan watched me silently, taking notice of my struggle, something that he was likely going to point out to Hotch later before I could even get home. Great.

As I propped Scarlet on my hip, I looked back up at the door that was closing in our faces. I figured that would be it, he wouldn’t want us around any longer, so I turned on my heels like I was going to make my way out of the building, but Spencer’s door stopped just in time before it could close all the way, and I saw one of his eyes peek around the corner. Reid got a good look at me, but all we could see was his left eye and part of his cheek.

“Can we—” Reid paused to clear his throat after he noticed how quiet and high-pitched he sounded. “Can we do this again next week?”

I looked to the side at Morgan to see his reaction since I didn’t know what to say or do. I mean, of course I wanted to oblige, but his question had caught me off guard for multiple reasons. For starters, I didn’t expect Reid to say anything to us that day; and next, was he really going to be like this for another week? Was he going to be like this for months? Maybe he should have been talking to a therapist and not a baby.

Morgan shrugged, letting me know that it was my decision.

My eyes met Reid’s one eye as Scarlet tried climbing around in my arms. She was always so damn fussy, I swear. “I think we'd both like that,” I answered, referencing me and Scar.

Reid nodded to thank me for understanding.

“Hey, kid,” Morgan stepped into his view to catch his attention. “Are you okay?” Reid closed the door within an instant, shocking Morgan. “Well,” he scoffed, “okay, then…”

I shrugged at him, not knowing what to tell him, then we left, heading home together.

----

After that, we kept up with the ritual for a few weeks. Every Sunday, which was when Maeve would usually call Spencer, I took Scarlet over to his place. It was nice. They hung out, and I relaxed. He never asked me to come in, he never even talked to me. He would open the door for her, let her waddle in, then he would let her come back out whenever they got bored. It worked. She was always excited to go, and she was always wiped when we were leaving.

About a month into it, Spencer kept the door open after Scarlet went in. I finally got to see him. His fair was so long, so flat, not at all puffy and lively like it normally was. He had bags under eyes, just like Hotch. His apartment reeked, I could smell it from where I was standing, and it looked like a complete wreck. I pouted at him. He shyly asked if I could help him with something, to which I nodded and carefully stepped into his apartment.

All of Garcia’s gift baskets were empty and stacked on his kitchen counter. He had eaten through everything. Thankfully, he had eaten something, but as for showering or cleaning his apartment, I couldn’t praise him as much. There were books scattered everywhere, pages ripped out of a few here and there, spilled coffee on the table, clothes littered around. I knew he was depressed, but if I would have known that the rest of his life had fallen apart like that, I would have kicked down the door in order to help him and hold him.

Spencer kept his eyes lowered as he whispered, “Can you help me clean up?”

I nodded eagerly. “I’d love to.”

I sent him to his bedroom to go shower while I started with taking all of the trash out to the dumpster behind the building and cleaned up any spills around the place. Coffee, sodas, orange juice. It was like he knocked it over and didn’t have the energy to fix it. I knew that feeling. Then, when he came back from his shower, he and I started working on picking up all of the papers, organizing them, then collecting the books that he had angrily thrown around. He didn’t say anything. I could tell he was ashamed of his state of living, but it really wasn’t his fault, and I wished more than anything that he understood that. I was just glad he asked for help before it got any worse.

As I finished putting back the last book Spencer had thrown on the floor, I turned to see that he was sitting down on the floor and pulling Scarlet onto his lap. She giggled and poked at his face. Reid didn’t mind, though. He let her play with his curls before making a move to playfully bite at her finger. She laughed and snatched her hand away. He smiled back at her and started bouncing her on his knee to keep her laughing.

I tried biting back a smile as I sat across from them on the floor. I made sure to keep my distance because they were sharing a moment, and this was the first time I had seen Reid smile in so long, I didn’t want to take that away from them. He deserved to be happy. After everything that happened, he deserved to forget about the burdens of the world and just focus on playing with Scarlet. He was always so good with kids, too. That was why I offered that he hang out with Scarlet rather than talk to me or Morgan or someone else. With Henry and Jack, Reid always just seemed to… click with them. I looked at how he was playing with Scarlet, and I knew right then and there that he was going to be the best father one day. I wanted to tell him, but I knew that after Maeve, he wouldn’t want to hear anything about that kind of stuff. That was understandable.

He finally looked up at me and asked, “Do you know why Scarlet’s the only person I’ll talk to?”

I leaned back, stretching my arms behind me to keep myself propped up. “I have my suspicions.” But that was all I said because I wanted to wait for his answer.

It didn’t take a profiler to know that Spencer Reid was hurting, and he thought that he needed to suffer alone. He didn’t want to burden others with his troubles, and he certainly didn’t want to sit around while someone would lie to his face while telling him: “It’ll be alright” or “She’s in a better place now” or “You’ll stop hurting eventually” or some other bullshit like that. I knew that if I lost Hotch, I wouldn’t want to hear any of it. It wasn’t going to be alright, Maeve deserved to still be with him and not in some “better place”, and, honestly, he was never going to stop hurting. If she was really a soulmate—like I assumed she was—then he was never going to get over it. And I wasn’t going to sit there and lie to him. But I knew that he was scared of talking to anyone because he didn’t know who understood him like I did versus someone like Morgan who was willing to lie to him just to make themselves feel better.

“There are so many things that I wanted to say to Maeve, but couldn’t. And there are things now that I wish I could you guys, but I… I really don’t want people’s pity. I just wanted someone to talk to who would listen and not judge me. I want to be able to speak freely, to say the things I wanted to say to Maeve, to admit the things I want to say to the team, and… and I’ve found that talking to a baby is the best way to do that. You know, she’s still so young that she’ll sort of listen while she fusses in my arms, which helps distract me from wanting to cry all the time. And she doesn’t really know how to say anything except for ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ and ‘curls’.”

“Curls!” Scarlet cheered while leaping forward to reach for Reid’s hair.

He laughed and let her pull lightly on the strands of his long hair. “Like that.” When she started pulling too hard, he tickled her stomach to get her to let go. In a fit of laughter, Scarlet felt weak, collapsing in his arms while trying to fight him to make him stop. He gave up after a few more seconds. “I talk a lot about Maeve with Scarlet,” he admitted to me. “I talk about how much I miss her, and she listens. I’ve been telling her stories about our phone calls— her favorite one is the one where Maeve told me she loved me for the first time. It’s my favorite one, too. But, most of all, I’ve just been talking through my feelings with her, and it’s helped tremendously. Is that pathetic?”

“No,” I insisted quickly. “I’m glad that you’re at least getting the chance to talk to someone. It’s never good to bottle things up, Spencer, you know that. Talking to someone—even if it is just a baby—is a good first step towards healing. I’m proud of you.”

Scarlet started throwing a tantrum because she was getting tired and wanted to go home, so I let her fall into my arms while cradling her and cooing her to calm down. I wanted to stay with Reid more than anything… but duty called. The baby wanted home, and I had to give in. So, I stood, and Spencer saw me to the door. Though the hallway was just there, and I could tell that he was eager to be alone again, I turned to inspect him one more time, and I pushed his curls out of his face with my fingers. He let his eyes flutter shut.

“I’m proud of you, Spencer. Truly.”

His lip quivered as he tried to hold a sob back. Before I could see him crack, though, he practically shooed me out of his place and shut the door on my face. I sighed and looked at Scarlet. She was already asleep in my arms, sucking on her thumb while snoring. She was so like her dad.

When I got home, I found Jack passed out on the couch with his homework on the floor. Hotch was sitting with him on another cushion, reading the news on his phone. I leaned over the back of the couch and kissed his cheek. He smiled and turned his face to look at me before pressing a kiss directly against my lips. After we parted, he reached to take Scarlet from me. With my arms free, I stretched. He chuckled at me as I walked around the couch so that I could sit with him, stopping so that I could take a chance to kiss Jack and tuck him under a blanket, then I collapsed against Hotch.

“He let me in today,” I said. Hotch couldn’t believe it. “We cleaned up his place. I don’t think he’s okay, but he will be.” I nuzzled my head against his side.

“I didn’t want it to be him,” Hotch whispered.

I cocked a brow at him. “What are you talking about?”

“Out of everyone on the team, I didn’t want it to be him who had to go through what I went through.” He looked at me. “He’s so young… and he’s alone… He has no one to fall back on. He still doesn’t understand the world, and he doesn’t even understand himself. At least with Haley—” He stopped when Jack squirmed on the couch while yawning and rolling over. When we were sure that he was still asleep, Hotch continued. “At least with Haley, I had you, I had Jack… and I understood myself and the world enough to understand what was happening and why it was happening. But Spencer… He doesn’t have any of that. He’s like my family, Y/N, and I didn’t want it to be him… Anyone but him.”

I didn’t know what to say to any of that.

Hotch flung his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side, then he kissed my forehead. I nuzzled against him. After spending the afternoon with Reid, I realized even more now just how lucky we were. I didn’t have to worry about missing Hotch. I didn’t have to kill myself over the fact that I wouldn’t get to hold him ever again because he was there, and he was holding me, and I was his, and we were watching our children sleep peacefully. Just to make sure it was all real, though, I grabbed Hotch’s free hand and kissed his knuckles.

“I love you,” he whispered against my hair.

“I love you more.”

He chuckled. “I’m not sure that’s possible.”

“Don’t make me get all cliché on you, Agent Hotchner.”

As we chuckled again, we relaxed and snuggled against each other, but we didn’t fall asleep. We couldn’t. It was too hard to rest while knowing how easy it was to lose everything. It reminded me of how we were after Haley died. We were paralyzed, but at least we had each other to get through it, and we had Jack to encourage us to get better. Spencer had no one. Spencer didn’t have a loved one to lean on, he didn’t know how to open up to people, and he didn’t know how to deal with his emotions. It was going to destroy him.

------

criminal minds family: @peggy1999 @gorgeousdarkangel @alex--awesome--22 @oceaneblu @brithedemonspawn @absolutemarveltrash @bshelley322 @rousethemouse @sunshinepower17 @weexinling @pettttyyyc @Braty-angel

#Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfic #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #aaron hotchner #Aaron Hotch Hotchner #aaron hotchner fanfic #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner imagine

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violetwolfraven · 4 years

Text

Ray Molina: Best Dad Ever

For the March 11th explosion of content thing. Just Violet being a fantom and doing my part for this!

Tw: mentioned death, mentioned abusive parents, mentioned panic attack.

So the boys can be seen and heard when directly touching Julie after the whole post-Orpheum glowy hug thing but Ray doesn’t know that just yet.

What he does know is that Julie’s mental health took a rapid turn for the better for seemingly no reason and then a couple weeks later he found out she joined a band without telling him.

He’s not stupid. He knows that’s probably because of the band, though he is a bit confused as to how she even met them.

He kinda figures it’s a kids and your internet tricks thing but there’s some flaws to this theory.

1) He asks Flynn what she knows about the boys only... it seems like she doesn’t know much of anything. That’s weird because he knows Julie tells her practically everything.

2) The boys have American accents despite Julie claiming they’re from Sweden.

3) Carlos is a terrible liar and on the rare occasion Julie actually talks about the boys he gets this weirdly conspiratorial look.

So anyway Ray doesn’t really believe it’s as simple as ‘I met these 3 Swedish boys on the internet’ but he trusts his daughter’s judgement and he leaves it alone.

Anyway he has other things to focus on.

Such as how Ray has literally never been able to keep track of his keys/phone/hats/camera parts/stuff and now it seems to just pop up whenever he’s looking for it.

Also he keeps feeling like there’s someone with him around the house more and more.

Like not a malicious presence like Victoria fears, and definitely not like Rose is around watching him, but like someone is there.

Sometimes it feels like there’s more than one presence around. None of them familiar but all of them friendly.

Oddly enough, whatever or whoever it is feels almost like Julie or Carlos. Young and excitable and like a verse of a happy song. He’s not sure why they’re around, but they definitely don’t feel dangerous, so Ray doesn’t feel threatened.

But some days a better comparison might be to Trevor back when Rose first introduced him. Raw and fragile and very, very sad.

Ray tries to put on happy music or a Disney cartoon or something on those days and he doesn’t quite know why or how but the energy usually gets more positive when he does that.

Anyway after a while of this (after the Orpheum performance) he starts noticing weird things that Carlos and Julie do now.

Carlos will just carry around a small whiteboard and a couple pens and he erases it whenever Ray comes into the room but before he does it almost looks like there’s two, three, or even four sets of handwriting on there.

And he walks in on Julie talking to herself like. All the time.

Carlos doesn’t ask for help on his math homework anymore. Julie makes this insanely good chicken recipe for dinner once and then clearly panics and lies when asked where she got it. Flynn makes a set of rainbow friendship bracelets one day while she’s hanging out at the Molina house but he doesn’t see Julie wearing the match to the one she keeps.

Plus Carrie starts hanging out at their house again?? Out of the blue?? And none of the girls have a good explanation for how they made up??

Then later Nick Danforth-Evans (who Julie used to talk about having a crush on but hasn’t in a while) starts hanging around too and the kid seems... well, Ray doesn’t want to throw the word ‘traumatized’ around, but he’s jumpy and guarded in a way that can only be described as a little bit traumatized.

So all 5 kids are clearly keeping some secret and Ray’s getting suspicious and worried.

He sits them down and asks what’s going on. Like is one of them having problems at home, or..?

The kids, simultaneously:

Julie: no, we’re just all in a play together!

Carlos: we’re fine we’re just ghost hunting!

Flynn: we’re exhibiting bisexual-pansexual-lesbian solidarity!

Carrie: Julie and the Phantoms and Dirty Candi are doing a collaboration album!

Nick: we all joined jazz band??

Ray’s calling bullshit at this point.

Then Julie and Nick both look up directly at the same spot, somewhere a couple feet above the arm of the couch, which is seemingly just empty air.

Whatever it is, it doesn’t seem like the other kids can see it but they all seem to be waiting for something and Ray is wondering if they’re sharing a hallucination??? Are they all on drugs??? Should he be worried???

Then Julie says to meet them in the studio in 30 minutes. Flynn, Carrie, and Nick go home to give the Molina family some alone time.

*cue music performance where Ray is introduced to the boys*

So anyway Julie and Carlos (with the help of the ghosts whenever one of them has something to say and grabs Julie’s hand) give him a clearly-sugarcoated version of the last few months.

Ghosts of Trevor’s dead bandmates help Julie reconnect with music, they form a band, they meet another ghost, other ghost accidentally gets them involved with evil magician ghost, Nick got possessed, Carrie figured it out and helped plot to get him un-possessed, evil magician ghost is still out there and they’re sticking together so he can’t get any of them in the future.

Despite how they say it like it’s no big deal, Ray now understands why the kids have been acting so weird because all these things sound scary and painful.

Also the more he thinks about it, the more he worries about the fact that he has three 17-year-old boys sleeping in his garage who died terribly of food poisoning.

They are children and they died incredibly painfully and then almost got enslaved and/or erased from existence.

Then one day Ray’s feeling one of those presences around the house again and he realizes it’s probably one of Julie’s ghost boys.

Ray: who’s there?

Whoever it is freaks out and leaves, and Ray takes notes for next time.

The next time he feels someone in the room, he has a notepad ready and he writes down “Luke, Alex, or Reggie?” from what he remembers from Julie’s introductions.

Immediately, there’s a spike of anxiety in the room.

Ray: it’s okay. You can stay and we don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. I’d like to know who it is I’m not talking to though.

There’s a few seconds of hesitation, and then the pen picks itself up and the name “Reggie” gets circled.

Ray: the bassist with the flannels, right?

Yeah, written in a teenage boy’s messy scrawl.

Ray: okay, do you want to watch a movie?

More hesitation, and Ray’s not sure what that’s about but he’s starting to suspect with the amount of fear still in the room, and there’s a good 20 seconds where Reggie doesn’t respond before I don’t know.

Ray: Moana or Tangled? Moana.

After that, he takes a page out of Carlos’s book and gets a small whiteboard with 3 pens that stick to it magnetically. Red for Reggie, blue for Luke, and pink for Alex.

Reggie has written conversations with him most, but Luke does sometimes too and Alex does least often but he’ll still request a movie occasionally.

All of them are wary around him and Ray doesn’t quite know what to do to earn their trust. But he asks questions about their preferences on things. He says they did good on their latest show. He remembers which movies are their favorites and introduces them to music he thinks are their styles.

Luke is a big fan of Fall Out Boy and Reggie fucking loves Taylor Swift.

Alex is less consistent but occasionally Ray will play a song and he’ll write something like This is a cool song.

He starts to be able to tell which energy is which even before they write who it is right around the time the boys start to be visible for longer and longer after playing.

They play a really good show and stay visible for like 2 full days and that’s the first (but not the last) time Ray really gets to get to know them.

He starts noticing after really good shows like that one how even more now that they can be seen, they’re all a little... off from how Nick and Carrie and Flynn act around him.

With Luke it’s mostly because he’s trying so hard to impress because *gasp* he and Julie are a thing but there’s still a little bit of tension that seems like it comes from something deeper than just being nervous around his girlfriend’s dad.

With Reggie it’s subtle caution. Like he’s happy to be hanging out with Ray but he’s constantly ready for something to go wrong. There’s a catch in his smile, a hesitation before he states an opinion, a practiced carefulness where he changes the subject at any sign of even mild frustration.

But with Alex... it’s mostly just avoidance. Like if he poofs in while visible and it just so happens that no one else is there, he’ll find an excuse to leave.

And Ray lets him, of course. He doesn’t want the kid to feel trapped. But all of the boys’ behavior bothers him.

On the rare occasion they spend more than 2 seconds together Alex is really quiet. He won’t admit if Ray guessed wrong about a song and he doesn’t like it even though his body language makes it clear he’s not vibing with it. Actually, his body language pretty much just spells I am very uncomfortable in every situation where Julie or Carlos went to the bathroom or someone went to grab a snack and they’re alone even for 5 minutes while he’s visible.

Ray’s not stupid. He knows three 17-year-olds don’t end up getting their instruments left to their only living bandmate’s new best friend’s family by having good relationships with their own families.

He doesn’t exactly want to bring it up, but he kind of knows.

Then one day he’s sitting with all 3 boys watching a movie while he fixes something on his camera and Julie and Carlos are at school and he messes up a little part that means he has to start over (don’t @ me I know nothing about cameras) and swears out of frustration louder than he meant to.

He reaches for the screwdriver on the coffee table and

And Reggie and Alex both flinch.

Ray hadn’t even noticed they were tracking his movements, but while Luke seems to just have moved his focus from the TV to his friends in concern, Alex and Reggie both look too tense to play it off.

He figures its as good a time as any to have a chat cause these boys aren’t his sons but they don’t have anyone else acting as a parent figure to them and he feels the need to take care of them. He pauses the movie.

Ray: Can we have a talk? About you boy’s families?

Naturally Luke jumps in to try to distract him immediately, telling a story about his dad taking him fishing once, but he stops when Ray asks him to stop.

Ray: That’s not what I’m talking about and I think you all know it.

The boys are all still silent. Luke looks 500% ready to deflect again. Reggie and Alex look more like they’re expecting to get yelled at or worse.

Ray: I just want to help. I’ll drop it if you want me to but I want you to know that I would never do something to hurt any of you intentionally. You can talk to me about anything if you need to.

He means to make it an option of ‘you can talk but you don’t have to if you don’t want to,’ but the boys clearly don’t take it as such with how Luke starts talking immediately.

Luke: I ran away when I was 17. My mom and dad didn’t want me to stay in Sunset Curve, I think they thought it was going to get me into drugs or something.

They have a short talk about parents having good intentions not equalling them being right to push Luke so hard they pushed him away and it’s okay to feel hurt by that and then press play on the movie again and Ray thinks he sees all 3 boys relax somewhat during that.

A couple weeks later Reggie comes in visible and hesitantly asks about watching this series he saw when Carlos was scrolling through Netflix once.

Mid-episode he blurts out

Reggie: I don’t want to look for my parents and I feel weird about that.

He rambles for a while about knowing he was lucky that his family had money and his mom and dad told him they loved him and stuff but also he remembers so many fights between them where he felt caught in the middle and it never ended well if he chose a side but there was no way to win because they’d both turn on him if he didn’t so it was just this constant balancing act to try to prevent fights in the first place.

Reggie: I felt like I was walking on a tightrope. Like, all the time. I tried so hard to keep them from getting mad at each other or at me. Only it never worked and it was always a question of when they were going to snap next and it was confusing cause one day we’d go to the zoo and everything would be fine and the next they’d yell at me and send me to bed without food.

He feels guilty for not wanting to put in the effort to find them because he’s pretty sure on some level they did love him but he doesn’t want to see them again.

And he doesn’t want to know if they even miss him at all because when he got older and the fighting got too intense he would sneak off to Luke’s or Bobby’s and no matter if he stayed away for an hour or a couple days they never seemed to notice he was gone.

Ray listens and a lot of things about Reggie start to make sense. How he’s so careful not to catch him in a bad mood. How he shuts down whenever anyone raises their voice. How he helps out so much in an effort to stay on Ray’s good side.

It’s a day and a half after the latest show so they can’t really hug but Ray does what he can to provide comfort and validate his feelings anyway because damn Reggie is a good kid and he didn’t deserve that.

Reggie and Luke get more comfortable with coming to him for meaningful chats, or even just to vent about whatever’s going on lately.

Eventually they seem to feel almost as comfortable with him as Julie and Carlos do so it kinda becomes a routine.

Like Julie will ask for cuddles when she’s sad about missing Rose or she’ll walk in and vent about Carrie and Flynn being so obvious about liking each other but somehow not realizing it’s mutual and she and Nick are 3rd wheeling and going insane.

Carlos will excitedly ramble about his latest baseball practice shenanigans for an hour but also sometimes ask for someone to watch old home movies or listen to old CDs from Rose and the Petal Pushers with him.

And that’s normal. That’s been Ray’s life since his kids started talking. But the thing is that it’s just as normal when

When Luke tells how he’s still angry about his music getting stolen because it feels like a part of him was taken away and he worked hard on those songs. Also one day he very shyly admits

Luke: I like Julie a lot.

Ray: I know, kiddo.

Luke: You’re not mad?

Ray: As long as you two make each other happy, no. I’m happy for you.

And it’s just as normal when Reggie talks about missing his little cousin Kelsi and wondering where she ended up only for them to look her up and find out she’s a major Broadway writer/director now oh my god— and also

Reggie: I think I like boys. Like boys are cute. But I know I’m not gay because girls are cute too and ugh it’s confusing it’s probably nothing I guess everybody goes through this.

Ray: Have you ever thought you might be bisexual?

Reggie: Bi-what-now?

Ray, already digging out his old flannels that he would have passed down to Julie except they’re too big for her: It’s okay to like both, kiddo.

All this is great of course. It’s great how Reggie and Luke aren’t afraid anymore and they feel validated and seen and listened to.

But months have passed and Ray notices how Alex remains separate. He still avoids Ray when he can and stays quiet and cautious when he can’t.

Like Ray still senses Alex around him sometimes but never right after a show when he’s visible. He doesn’t come to him with problems. He’ll stay and listen when Ray plays a song he thinks he’d like, but he still seems so cautious and Ray doesn’t know how to help.

He asks Luke one day while he’s introducing him to a Wicked bootleg if he’s done something specific to scare Alex away.

Luke gets this really dark look on his face and he just

Luke: Let’s just say that my parents didn’t do everything perfectly, but they’re saints compared to Alex’s.

Ray decides to drop it, but Luke wants to reassure him.

Luke: You haven’t done anything wrong. He’s just not very comfortable around most adults in general. It’s one thing when we’re invisible, but...

Ray: I just wish I could help.

Luke: You do help. But it took a while for Alex to trust me.

The conversation ends there because Luke starts getting really into Defying Gravity.

But then that night Julie comes in with a kind of out of character movie request so Ray thinks Luke talked to her.

Because Julie does not like most romcoms that aren’t musicals. She gets bored. But she requests Love, Simon anyway.

Ray kind of sees what she’s trying to do there because now that he’s thinking about it the boys haven’t really seen many things with queer rep. Especially not queer main characters.

And nobody’s really told him that Alex is gay but cmon he’s an elder bi. He has accurate gaydar so he can support his queer ducklings.

Despite how the boys all know being gay is more socially acceptable now (they found out about Nick’s dads and the girls gave them the ‘gay marriage is legal now’ talk) they still seem kind of baffled by how there’s an entire romcom centered around a gay boy and it did well.

From there Ray tries to find more movies and tv shows with canon queer representation.

And he keeps giving Alex space but also trying his best to show him that he’s not like his parents.

For a long time nothing changes beyond Luke and Reggie getting increasingly comfortable with him.

Well that’s not completely true actually cause Reggie starts tagging along to photo shoots and becomes Ray’s unofficial mostly invisible assistant.

Then the band plays an amazing show and the boys stay visible for a full week.

Around the middle of that week, Ray goes out to the garage to find Reggie and see if he wants to come on a photo shoot.

Reggie isn’t out there but Alex is.

And he’s crying. Hard.

He looks like he’s going to poof out when he sees Ray there but Ray’s already 100% ready to do exactly what he always does when he walks in on Julie or Carlos crying.

Ray: Alex. Hey, buddy, it’s okay. I’m here. It’s going to be okay.

Alex freezes and it breaks Ray’s heart how that kind of concern is clearly not what he’s expecting.

Ray: Are you okay with being touched?

Alex looks kind of like he’s in shock but he nods.

He clearly doesn’t really know what to do with it but he kind of melts into it when Ray hugs him and he just sobs on his shoulder.

When he’s stopped crying enough he starts rambling about how he’s been looking everywhere but he can’t find Willie.

At that point he’s basically having a panic attack so finding out what’s wrong takes a backseat compared to calming him down and Ray knows how to do that because he and Rose used to do that for Trevor all the time.

Ray: Alex, breathe. In for 4 counts, hold for 7, out for 8. Breathe with me.

It takes a couple minutes until Alex has calmed down enough, but once he does, Ray asks what’s wrong and what’s happening with Willie.

He only vaguely knows who Willie is from what he’s been told by the other kids but he knows he’s important to Alex.

So Alex takes a deep breath and explains that Caleb confronted him and basically said the boys had to join his house band or he would make sure he’d never see Willie again. And he doesn’t want to ask his family to sacrifice themselves for him but he doesn’t want to lose the boy he loves either.

Ray wants to throw hands but from what the kids have told him about Caleb, he has a better idea.

Ray: Here’s what we’re gonna do, buddy. Reggie said Caleb has this super catchy number, The Other Side of Hollywood?

Alex: Yeah?

Ray: How quickly do you think Luke and Julie could come up with an arrangement for you four to cover that and how desperate do you think Covington would be to make sure a video of that never gets published without crediting him?

Alex: :o

Spoiler alert: Julie and Luke, in collaboration with Carrie, can come up with an arrangement very quickly.

They do a private performance of it and film it and basically blackmail Caleb into letting Willie go.

Willie has an empty house that used to be his parents’ that he still considers his so he mostly crashes there if he needs to. Also he loves skating around so much that he never stays in one place for very long.

Julie can see him but she can’t make him visible so it’s a little odd but Ray gets an orange pen for him for the whiteboard and he finds skateboarding videos and stuff for when he visits.

They eventually figure out that he can be part of the magic by adding him to the band so they give him a tambourine and yay now Willie can be seen but that’s later.

The biggest immediate change to come out of all this is Alex.

He’s not afraid of Ray anymore for the most part (healing isn’t linear and he can’t help a few bad days) and he starts actually talking to him. Not about serious stuff but he’s talking. Mostly just rambling about how Willie makes him feel or how Luke and Reggie have been being annoying lately.

Then one day he comes in really nervous and says something about Reggie saying he talked to Ray about his parents.

And Ray confirms it and asks if there’s anything Alex needs to tell him.

Alex sits down and clearly he’s been holding this in for a long time and he just unloads how he came out to his parents because his youngest sister found his diary and he was scared she’d tell them. They didn’t react well and when he cried out of fear and frustration his father... gave him something to cry about.

His father did that a few more times, trying to ‘make him man up,’ and Alex never told his bandmates but he always knew they could see the bruises and that was why Bobby made it so clear his garage was open and his house was a safe place to run.

But Alex didn’t no matter how bad things got because he guessed some small part of him thought he deserved it but mostly it was about how his oldest sister dropped out of college and ghosted the family and Alex was the next-oldest so he felt responsible for protecting his younger sisters even if they both had learned behaviors from their parents and hated him.

Then that summer he found out his parents were planning on sending him away to some Christian camp where they’d ‘fix’ him.

Alex made it clear that he wouldn’t go and if they tried to make him he’d run away, but their ultimatum was that he couldn’t live under their roof if he was gay.

So he didn’t. And it was a situation somewhere between getting kicked out and running away, but he packed a bag and never went back.

He ran to Bobby’s house, he wrote a whole bunch of angry songs, and he tried not to think too much about how he understood why his older sister left and how he was doing the exact same thing to his younger sisters.

By the time he’s done explaining everything Ray’s trying not to cry but Alex is definitely already crying mostly out of anger.

Alex: I hated them all. I hated Molly for leaving me and I hated my mom for turning my little sisters against me and I hated my dad for hurting me and I even hated Anna and Josie for not standing by me and I just hated them all so much. I still do. And it is so stupid that I feel guilty for that because they were terrible to me and I was 16 and I didn’t deserve that but I do feel guilty for it because they’re my family and I hate them.

Ray doesn’t have much to say because damn this is heavy stuff but he assures him that after what he went through he has a right to hate his blood family.

Alex tells him awkwardly when he’s calmed down a bit that Luke is the only other person he’s ever told about all this, because after he ran away they dated for a few months before figuring out that they were better as friends.

Reggie and Bobby guessed parts of it and Julie probably has too but none of them have asked and Alex thinks he might tell Reggie and Julie someday if it ever comes up but he never did end up telling Bobby.

Ray assures him that he won’t tell anyone and also that he would never do that. He would never do anything to hurt Alex or the others on purpose.

He makes a silent promise that no one will ever hurt one of his kids like that again and if Caleb or anyone else ever tries, they will regret it.

But anyway on to happier matters.

Willie visits a lot and he’s a little skittish around Ray but he loosens up after he jokingly mentions one time that Willie and Alex are like the beginning of the Sk8ter Boy song.

Alex and Ray might be Denim Jacket Buddies but once Ray digs his old leather jacket out of the closet he becomes Leather Jacket Buddies with Reggie.

You’d think he has to tell Carlos and Reggie off the most for breaking things but he doesn’t. It’s Carlos and Luke.

Also Ray doesn’t consider himself an overprotective dad but Julie and Luke are not allowed to be alone in a room with the door closed.

Neither are Alex and Willie technically but it’s harder to enforce it when they’re both ghosts.

Lmao all the kids follow the rules anyway because they love Ray and he’s not being unreasonable.

He helps Julie in her plot to get Carrie and Flynn together and also he helps Nick plan how to make a move on that cute boy on his lacrosse team.

Because Nick loves his dads but they’re disaster gays. Neither of those men can properly flirt. They fell in love because of a baseball rivalry and Nick doesn’t trust their advice.

Pride month rolls around and Julie makes sure to book a big gig the day before the parade so the boys will be visible and tangible.

Trevor’s on tour and can’t get away and Flynn’s parents are working and Nick’s are busy too so Ray finds himself escorting this whole little gaggle of various queer ducklings to pride.

Carlos isn’t quite sure what he is yet so he’s just got a rainbow flag painted on his cheek and a shirt that says I love my bi sister on it.

Julie’s all decked out in the bi colors, complete with ribbons braided into her hair and a flag to use as a cape. She made the tutu herself and it took her hours but it turned out really good.

Luke’s got a tank top with the pan colors and a trans flag as a cape and also yknow face paint of course.

Reggie browsed thrift shops everywhere until he found a flannel in the bi colors and he’s got that along with pink purple and blue laces in his combat boots and what Ray is really hoping is temporary dye and not spray paint in his hair.

Alex has a rainbow shirt that matches Willie’s and matching bracelets with Flynn. Also he painted rainbow hearts on his cheeks and put a lot of effort into them and they look really symmetrical.

Willie’s of course matching shirts with Alex and also he has sparkly rainbow socks and a flag to use as a cape.

Carrie’s got a whole ensemble in the lesbian colors complete with a pride wig and also matching necklaces with Flynn.

Flynn’s matching colors with Carrie but more in her style with of course matching jewelry with the people closest to her. She’s got friendship bracelets corresponding to Alex and Julie.

Nick’s got a pan tshirt and a fedora with a ribbon in pink yellow and blue plus face paint cause all of them have face paint. Nothing too crazy.

Meanwhile Ray’s got a bi bandanna and one of those shirts that’s like Free Dad Hugs.

Plus everyone did each other’s nails with varying degrees of success the night before and Julie did Ray’s so they turned out good.

Nick’s lacrosse buddies and the rest of Dirty Candi are around somewhere but they didn’t ride in the same car so they’re not that relevant.

They party. Celebrate being alive. Idk I’ve never gotten to go to pride.

And afterwards they all go back to the Molina house and the couch isn’t really big enough for all of them but it’s okay it’s not like they know how to sit correctly anyway.

They all kind of pile together and cuddle and watch movies until Flynn and Nick’s parents can come pick them up.

And Ray just looks around and realizes that

Sure only 2 of them are his biologically

And 3 of the others have good parent(s) who are actively a part of their lives

The remaining 4 are technically dead

But he has 9 children and he’s totally fine with that.

Cause he’s Ray Molina: best dad ever.

Victoria’s head is going to explode when she finds out that not only is the Molina house really haunted, but he’s adopted the ghosts.

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koficlouds · 3 years

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Suicide Attempt

(Trigger warning here. If you ignore, any of your issues aren’t my problem sorry. Suicide, blood, knives, pills, mental bullying, transphobia, homophobia, racism, self harm, implied r@pe)

Also! There will be deadnaming. My AU of Henrik is a trans male. His deadname was Hanna

Characters included: Henrik, Chase, Anti, Jackie, Marvin

It was a long day at work, and Henrik went to his room late at night. It was midnight, and he had just finished writing his note. It was scary, but, what was there to fear if you were ending everything? You wouldn’t need to deal with anything anymore. He had gotten a pack of blades along with some antidepressants. He set the note onto his bed and rolled up his sleeve, taking out one of the blades after making sure the door was shut. What brought him to this?

~Earlier that day~

Henrik was in his office finishing up for the day when one of his coworkers walked in. Henrik had been single for a while and the co-worker knew that he had a taste in men. Henrik, is bisexual, preference for men and also openly transgender. The co-worker tapped Henrik on the shoulder and smiled. “Well I heard you were single. Maybe you’d like to go out sometime? I’d love to be with a cutie like you” That seemed to flatter Henrik a bit, as his cheeks heated up with a slight blush. The co-worker pulled Henrik up and held him, making the German blush more as he searched for words. “S-Sure!” He squeaked out finally. Henrik was easy to fall for someone. And it can hurt him, a lot. The co-worker leaned closer, as if he was about to kiss him. But, before he could, the co-worker laughed, letting him go and pushing him back. “You actually thought I would date a tr@nny like you?! You must be out of your mind!” Henrik was quiet, he hasn’t even told anyone yet. He didn’t even come out yet! “H-How did-” “You stupid n@zi! F@g! I’m not even fucking gay! And even if I was I wouldn’t be attracted to your ass! Damn Henrik, you can’t even keep yourself in check” The co-worker laughed as Henrik started to cry, continuing to make fun of him and laugh. Henrik wasn’t so much as worried about it until the co-worker made..sensitive remarks about his scars. (Keep in mind Henrik does still self harm) “Aww, looks like the tiger got his stripes back! How deep did you go this time? Let me see” He grabbed Henrik’s arm harshly and laughed at the now bleeding cuts. “At this rate you should just go kill yourself Hanna” Henrik pushed him. “T-That’s not my name and you know it!” He yelled, getting pinned against the wall. Events afterwards, would be too traumatizing to mention.

~Present time~

Henrik sat by the bed, sliding the blade down his arm, keeping himself from making any pained noises. He did this to both of his arms. He then opened the bottle containing 40 pills, taking 20 of them and a few more. Henrik then grabbed a bottle of alcohol from under his bed and drank the entire thing, leaning his head back to let himself bleed out.

Chase surprisingly was the first to wake up, confused as to why he didn’t see Henrik out of his room yet. He knocks on the door. No response. “Weird..” He knocked again. Still no response. Chase scratched his head and thought that Henrik could have slept in, but then he heard his alarm again. The alarm had been going off for a few hours, which woke Chase up. If it could wake a heavy sleeper like him, it should have woken Henrik up by now. He reached for the door handle and opened the door, screaming when he saw Henrik’s pale body sitting there. Jackie, Marvin, and Anti rushed out of their rooms upon hearing the frightened scream and they all froze.

“Oh no..”

(Cliffhanger cause I’m evil!)

#jse egos #jse fanfiction #antisepticeye #marvin the magnificent #jackieboy man #chase brody #dr henrik von schneeplestein #transhenrikAU

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bi-dazai · 4 years

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honestly i think i have a weird anger or cultural confusion where other gay and trans ppl are like much happier and comfortable to come out and shit and be open, but I've always had an extremely complicated relationship with it because it's always made me feel so isolated and lonely, even with other gay ppl around. and younger ppl especially will like go around coming out so frequently and meanwhile if I'm going to even tell you that I'm attracted to women I have to trust you 110% and that isn't something that comes easy.

I'm terrified of like. Wearing even rainbow goddamn socks because I'm scared shitless of getting bullied, or harassed, or even assaulted. Which is ironic considering I try to be quite fashionable in public but with being openly bi (let alone being openly TRANS) it's a complete no-no.

Like I think as much as I love being bi and nb at the same time I still despise it, I still think it's ruined my life. I have gender dysphoria about my chest whereas if I was cis I would be so happy with how feminine my body is. My first ever relationship with another girl at the moment being cut short by abusive homophobia fucked me up in innumerous ways, leading me to like...severe issues with the way i feel about sex and emotional attachment and touch.

And ofc there's the homophobia, like at this moment I'm probably leaning towards getting a fuckbuddy or smth over tinder but like a romantic relationship with another person is terrifying, like I'm insanely private w relationships even w men, I won't let us hold hands if I think too many people might see bc i have this stupid complex

There's more and more but my relationship with being Out is one where it's something that I simultaneously desire and despise, being Out is one of the most terrifying concepts I can think of and to me having someone refer to me as "they" and not as a woman is simply not as important as being safe, as not living in even more fear of assault.

And then all around me ppl my age (although usually younger) are all coming out to anyone and everyone like it's just casual, saying their pronouns like it's nothing. And first it's disbelief and shock because holy fuck, has everyone gone fucking mad?? Are we all so fucking stupid that we just forget the everloving fear homophobia strikes into you?? And then it's the jealousy, that these people have this comfortable relationship with their own gay/transness and enough trust to actually open up and tell a room full of strangers "please call me they not she". It's disappointment and anger in myself that almost 7 years after forcing myself to whisper "I'm bisexual" to the bathroom mirror in the middle of the night and then cry my eyes out because it felt like I'd been cursed, and probably over a decade since I'd started having sexual feelings about all genders, and an entire lifetime of having feelings for men women and others, after so long I'm still just a coward who sits and hates it all, who fears it all.

But then recently I've come to the realisation that the way I realised I was gay was a way that's kind of...dying out. That being the mostly offline way.

Don't take this the wrong way but I've found a lot of people go online and find this overwhelming amount of support and representation for gay and trans identity. You can argue validly this statement, but the context I use this in is comparing it to like. 2013. People were way less online. Being an online celebrity was a novelty.

At school there were dyke, faggot, tranny, etc, thrown around as if they were confetti. Jokes about "lesbos" and "lesbihonest" humiliated any girl who was too close to another girl. I grew up not just in Brisbane Queensland but in a town that was connected to the mainland only by two bridges - a landbridge and a humanmade bridge. The school was overwhelmingly anglo. Overwhelmingly right wing.

I realised I was bi with minimal help from Tumblr. I realised I was bi because I fell, hard, for my best friend. And then she liked me back, and our relationship was amazing. But the school found out. We held hands under the table, we found a quiet moment to kiss and everyone pointed and stared. We made out in the shadow of a building and turned to find twenty people watching gawkeyed, pointing, fascinated.

The entire time her mum was abusive, and massively homophobic. She blamed me for turning her daughter gay. She forced us multiple times to break up at the threat of violence. Eventually we did. We never talked about it. Our friendship never returned like it used to. It was awkward, tinged with sadness, regret, yearning and young love cut short.

It was traumatic, to say the least.

Tumblr in 2014, despite the cringe screenshots, wasn't actually mostly about LGBT positivity or whatever. I first saw the term bisexual on, if you can believe me, a quotev story in 2011 about a cheerleader and an emo girl who get together in a secret relationship. You were either gay or straight, or you had an exception. Bisexual felt right, though, for me, felt accurate, was accurate.

It was years of confusion and secrecy and guilt, peeks at other girls in the changing room that I couldn't help and I didn't understand why. Then it was months and months of anger and frustration at myself that I was feeling this way and confused about myself, and then when I said those words it felt like I was being torn apart. It felt like my life had fallen apart. I cried every goddamn night, I felt awful all the time.

At school the kids noticed. They noticed before I started dating my friend, they noticed the way I looked at her and they interrogated me about it. I'd claim up and down I had a crush on another boy - true perhaps, but it was a passing interest - and then they said they told him and analysed how I reacted. And then the interrogations continued for months because the gay girl was entertainment for them. Around me, as I walked between classes, had lunch, walked home, dyke dyke dyke faggot hahaha.

And then the relationship happened and then leelah alcorn happened and I learned what a trans person is. And sometime when I was fifteen I saw nonbinary begin to pop up, terms like genderfluid and nonbinary and they rang true like bisexual did, but the last time I went down a rabbit hole like that it ended in trauma, and another person got hurt. I didn't throw homophobia at her, but I felt and still feel responsible for it. I didn't turn her gay, but I made it obvious. I don't quite know how to say it.

I knew I was nonbinary, deep down. One day I decided to add that to my tumblr bio. Nobody gave a shit, just like nobody gave a shit when I said I was bi. But that was because I wasn't open about it even online. I couldn't talk about that stuff or I'd curse myself.

Time went on, I got more comfortable, collected fresh new traumas. My brother came out as trans. Around me, friends came out as gay and trans. But they kept coming out. They didn't stop at close friends and trusted family, they told teachers, their entire class. I didn't understand. Why the fuck would you put yourself at risk like that?? And I still don't. I said it was jealousy and anger at myself before, and maybe it is still a little bit, but now, it's just concern.

As I said, the way I realised I was gay is the rather old fashioned way - offline, through trauma, and almost entirely unenjoyable and traumatic. A lot of kids still go through that for sure. But the ones I see telling everyone over that they're gay or trans are, in my experience, not those ones. As the internet began to become more of a general use thing and less of a "only recluse weirdos" space, the online LGBT safe space began to expand into an audience bigger than before. Online, you were safe. Nobody knew your name, you were behind a screen. Homophobia was veiled, you could just delete a hateful anon, could just log off. You could put up your pronouns and people would use them because, well, ppl didn't really have any other identifier someone might use for your gender. So this positive uplifting atmosphere spawned for the most part. And instead of learning through confusion and rare chance encounters with random words and crying into the sink every night that you're gay, you much easier come across this content that tells you indepth what this is and that it's okay. And you think, well wow, that's me, and then...you know, I guess. Not denying there's some of the classic self hatred etc but...you have this safe space online to fall back on, and I cannot emphasise how much that has pushed the acceptance and widespread knowledge of lgbt people in the past 5 years. I didn't exactly have that space, and my realisation was through mostly real life channels, which were swamped at all sides by homophobia, at worst, abusive, at kindest, it would treat you like a sideshow attraction.

Being someone who arguably isn't old enough to brush this difference away with being an "older gay" but still having had a gay experience quite different to the majority in my generation (applying this to area as well) I have to say I'm confronted with this comfortableness other days have a lot and it's always jarring. I think also that while it's important and I'm happy that "younger" gays and transes have at least one good support network/space to fall back onto online, I do think it creates this kind of...dangerous other side, especially for those who go to schools that are LGBT positive and have families who are also friendly to that sort of stuff. I find that young gay teens are totally unprepared and unhardened for the fact that most people you run into in real life despise your guts for existing as who you are. And while we can make as many soppy gay narratives as possible about being honest about who you are and losing shame, we need to face the fact and teach young lgbt kids that being Out isn't just something you do as a ritual in being gay or trans, it's a brave thing and it's completely optional. And furthermore, most importantly, it's insanely dangerous.

I don't think that teenage, raw fear of the consequences of even the very concept of being Out has ever left me. Perhaps I have to thank the homophobic 14 yr olds who swamped me in slurs and trauma, because it's given me a survival sense that's kept me closeted so far you'd never get in.

But occasionally I'm tempted, particularly with my transness which I am only out to perhaps 3 people about, to venture into the world of telling people about yourself. I started a new uni semester and in a tutorial, the teacher handed out cards. We were to use it as a placard to write our names on it so the teacher would learn our names over the next few classes. And, if we chose...our pronouns.

I stared at that card for what felt like a million years. This has always been an ordeal. People don't know how to pronounce my name, even though it's a rather simple one. But pronouns? I'd never really told anyone those. Online, yes, and once when I was asked by a friend i was brave enough to say "any will do" but this - this wasn't the curated safe online space, this wasn't a one-time phrase to a friend. This was an open, permanent thing that would sit below me every class, declaring me to 18 other people. I wrote down "NATALYA", then beneath "she/". And then I stared some more. I felt like I was going to die. I felt like I was the biggest fool, because before I could stop myself I wrote "she/they". No "he", not yet. But...it was there.

At the end of the class the teacher collected the placards. I wanted to run back screaming, wanted to ask her for a new card so I could be safe again. But I didn't because I would look like a freak and a coward.

I still think it's stupid. I still think I've put some petty gesture that no one will ever respect (if they can call you she they won't ever call you they) above my own safety. The thing that really struck me was that it didn't feel good. The reason I wrote it like that, I believe in hindsight, is that I was curious what those other kids feel like, because it must feel good to declare that you're a tr*nny d*ke in front of the entire class, good enough to beat the stomach-lurching dread that precedes such an action. But it didn't. It just felt like an unnecessary risk. And it made me feel worse, like there was a target on the back of my head.

I think I could talk about this forever, about how so many kids believe coming out is this thing you're required to do to be a good gay, but it's not. It's stupid stupid reckless, and in my case it ends with you getting fucked over.

But Ive written for ages and gotten prosaic halfway through so I'm gonna shut up. Basically why the fuck do you guys come out to everyone like please stay safe instead of this it isn't worth it.

#tw d slur #tw f slur #tw homophobia #personal #i didnt hear much transphobia in my grade until towards the end of highschool #because nobody back then rly knew what a trans person was #also #long post #like REALLY long #t slur

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queerlilacroses · 4 years

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Nothing to fear but fear itself (TW Blood, Murder, Biphobia)

Richie had always been afraid of werewolves, ever since he was a little kid the thought of them sent shivers up his spine. He didn’t know if it was the sharp claws, the big teeth or the fact it could be anyone, watching waiting to turn him into his worst fear. It has also been theorised that werewolves are a metaphor for a specific sexuality, bisexuality, not many people believe that bisexuals exist, at least that’s what Richie hears when he attempts to come out.

“There’s no such thing dear, I mean you can be gay or straight I don’t mind I know you’ve always been an odd child but there’s no such thing as both”. He had lamented over that loss for a while, honestly he know lots of people wouldn’t understand but his own mother! That was his biggest disappointment.

So he ran out on her, hiding in the Clubhouse™ that his good friend Ben had built, waiting hours until his best friends Bill, and Bev came frantic down falling down the hole of the clubhouse, “why didn’t they use the stairs”, he wondered aloud forgetting that he had disappeared without letting anyone know and it had been all day since he had ran out on his mother.

“WHY DIDN’T I… I was looking for you you’ve been missing for 6 hours you dummy”

“I’ve been wounded Bev darling, I…wait SIX HOURS”

“Yea is s-something wrong”

Whilst his friends had accepted him all those years ago Richie was still paranoid about his bisexuality despite knowing he wasn’t gay or straight there was a nagging doubt in the back of his mind watching, waiting to creep up on hm like a horror movie jump scare that made him spill popcorn all over the floor like an idiot.

The problem with horror movies is they are real; Vampires, Zombies, Witches and of course Werewolves which are the worst of them all. The first time Richie had seen a werewolf had been in a stupid movie , a teen movie, “supposedly a romance” Bev had mentioned nonchalantly as they walked past it at the Aladdin and well it was, for the first 20 minutes or so then it turned out the lead had a secret…the movie plagued him for months after that day after day, night after night all he could see was the male lead chasing him waiting to turn him into a werewolf. He never knew what to do or where to go Richie was traumatized.

Eddie, had been a new confusing figure in his life, they had met at gig which Eddie had helped organized and hit it off but there was something about him Richie wasn’t so sure of. Was it the smell of wet dog despite Eddie claiming to be allergic? Was it the fact that he refused to wear the silver chain that Richie got him as a present? Was it his oddly hairy body? Or was it the fact that anytime a full moon was around no matter what Eddie would make and excuse and disappear so nobody would see him for days. It confused and scared the hell outta him so he had to confront his ‘boyfriend’ he isn’t sure honestly they haven’t labelled what they are yet and Richie’s kinda nervous that’s because Eddie doesn’t wanna be with a bi man and whilst all these thoughts are in his head he’s overthinking again and he needs to talk to Eddie.

“Eds,” “Urgh what?” “Are we like?” “Like what Richie use your words” “Are we boyfriends?” “no we’re Italian farmers who love growing tomatoes of course we’re boyfriends” “Geez okay I’m just making sure”

“Especially cause you’ve been acting so weird, I mean I hardly see you, anytime you stay it’s daytime and the two occasions that we’ve stayed together you’re like a magician here one minute and then disappeared the next like some cruel trick it’s not fair Ed’s, I wanted to move forward with this relationship but it’s so hard when I can’t, don’t, know? Do you understand what I mean?

“Uh no? Why would that ever make sense babe” sighed Eddie although he understood Richie well and knew him inside and out he didn’t understand how his brain worked? His ADHD flickering from thing to thing topic to topic and although Eddie could sometimes be known to ramble he couldn’t keep up.

“Well I mean with you? Why are you avoiding me at night? What’s the big secret?” Richie teased.

“I’m a werewolf”

“WHAT”

“I’m one of those creatures you know the ones that come out on the full moon I turn into a wolf howl at the moon y’know all those stereotypes”

“WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT! YOU KNOW ABOUT MY FEAR OF WEREWOLVES”

“I’M SORRY BUT YOU ASKED. THIS IS WHY I’VE BEEN AVOIDING YOU! I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO BE SCARED OF ME YOU ASSHOLE”

“I…what”

“Yea I remembered you saying that you were terrified of werewolves since you were 12 so I’ve been trying to avoid transforming and all the side effects around it whilst I’m around you so I guess that seems like I need to avoid you and I mean there’s the murder”

“MURDER”

“Well I mean it’s not exactly murder more people get in the way of me as a 7 foot tall wolf and unfortunately I think my instincts kick in? Although it could be deer, but there’s been bodies found and I…”

“BODIES!!?! BODIES AS IN PLURAL !!?!”

“Richie can you stop yelling, it’s been a long night I’m tired and sore, honestly I just want to rest…”

“WAIT WHAT, YOU WERE OUT LAST NIGHT? Like it was a full moon ? I’m sorry I have to go call Bev or something, I-I can’t.

“WHERE ARE YOU- it’s your never mind” Eddie sighed as his voiced tailed off his head in his hands. This hadn’t been the way he wanted Richie to find out, honestly they’ve only been together for a few weeks and as soon as they talked he found out about his fear of werewolves and was horrified, he knew it might potentially be a dealbreaker and although he didn’t want to lose Richie. He had known that at one point that he’d have to sit down and tell him the story of the doctor, decided that his mother, who was a maniac bringing him to the hospital every time he even touched the ground too hard convinced he’d broken or dislocated his ankle needed something to worry about properly and turned him into a werewolf whilst he was at one of his many stays when he was eleven. His mother had been far more protective when she had found out, it was as if she had been normal beforehand, complete and utter curfew (“back straight after school Eddie-bear don’t talk to anybody, you don’t want them to find out!”), bars on the windows and even restraints at night as she was too paranoid, which wasn’t fun, especially as every night he just kept breaking out of them which in turn scared his mother more and more.

Shakily Richie reached into his pocket for his phone that he’d grabbed in his haste to leave the apartment building, as it rang the word murder went in his stomach over and over again. “Hello?” Oh good she answered he wouldn’t have known what to do with himself otherwise I mean…. “Helloooo??” Oh right yeah she’s still on this phone.

“I-I Eddie, and…”

“What’s wrong with Eddie, depth breaths calm down and try to try me what happened.

“He.. he.. he’s a monster, a werewolf a murderer I don’t know if I can do this” sobbing he knelt on the pavement holding the phone thinking about how he didn’t want to lose Eddie, the problem was that he loved the shorter man despite them only dating a couple of weeks and he knew about the dangers of dating a monster.

They had learned about it in school which only fuelled Richie’s fear further the teachers explaining about scientific experiments gone wrong and turning ordinary people into creatures that could climb into his slightly opened window in the dead of night and maim them or if they were dating whilst in transformations they would completely forget their partner, ending up harming them. Listening to this had made him scared to moved his bed and slept under his window to make sure nothing got in, freaking out anytime a bug crawled on him.

“A werewolf? Yea probably. A murderer? Probably not and an I mean a monster definitely not. Don’t you love him? Don’t you want the chance for him to prove you wrong, honestly you’ve been scared for far too long. All this time people have been putting ideas into your head about ‘this that and the next thing to do with monsters and no offence Richie but I’m sick of hearing about it, time to march back to your apartment and make your own decisions about Eddie.

“Yea, yea I guess you’re right, I should maybe go back? I.. okay Bev darling I’ll speak to you later”.

Sitting up he decided that it was time to get back, not realising it was getting darker and darker as a full moon approached.

Waiting for Richie made him terrified he was transforming in an hour and he had no idea what would happen. Would they break up?? If they did it would be so much worse, the adrenaline in this body taking over, making him more angry and upset and he knew his wolf side would harm anything that got in his way, which could include his caring but stupid and scared boyfriend. Hearing the door creak open his head perked up realising that Richie hadn’t let for that long and that probably meant bad news, knots grew in his stomach as he waited in anticipation for Richie to say something, anything whilst looking at the clock ticking on closer and closer to his time of transformation.

“I’m home babey! I wanna talk to you, my love” he said in a singsong voice. This wasn’t good, he honestly knew Richie’s speech patterns very well and he almost never called him babey unless there was a big problem or something was wrong.

“Yea I’m in here what’s happening”

“I just wanted to say, I talked to Bev and she put things into perspective, I think I love you and I shouldn’t judge you based on what happened when you were younger and I should try to get over it, I wanna keep dating you so I think it’s a good idea to see you at least once.

“Wait wait you want to stay with me? HOLD UP YOU THINK YOU LOVE ME”

“Well yea, I guess? I know we’ve only been dating for a few weeks and technically I only found out a few days ago but I have really strong feelings for you and I think I love you”.

“ I … okay… really don’t know what to say I love yo…” but before Eddie could finish off his sentence something happened, it was supposed to be a strange scary thing but Richie didn’t feel scared all he felt was concerned H could see the pain manifesting on Eddie’s face as he twisted and turned and hair grew from his body turning him taller, more muscular and then into a wolf.

Werewolves, although potentially not less dangerous were smaller than the stories, and Eddie didn’t seem to want to attack him honestly? Richie was very confused and conflicted between everything he had ever heard and feared vs the man who was his boyfriend who had just turned into what looked like a slightly taller dog still vigilant just sitting there. Well until it started talking, but you never hear about things like that when people are attempting to scare you.

“Well aren’t you going to say something? You’ve been looking at me in a daze for the last five minutes like I get the idea of you being scared like yea but can you please snap out of your like -why are you- dude why are you laughing?” Forgetting he was a wolf he attempted to walk over to Richie and ended up falling over four paws”.

Doubled over in laughter Richie realising his boyfriend was an idiot as a wolf decided that there something they needed to talk about “Eddieeeeeee we need to talk soooo I also have a secret”.

“Okay, and it is?

“I’m boisexual, well actually I’m bisexual but we both know I couldn’t come out without a pun”

“And an awful one at that I mean, what does that even mean rich? But honestly I know you told me about the time you dated Bev before she started dating Ben so I just assumed, why is that like a problem?”

“Oh…I- forgot about I just -I assumed like most gay guys you wouldn’t be down to date a bisexual guy I mean most of my life I’ve been told I don’t exist and-“

“Wait who told you this, how many people told you this? You know they’re wrong right I mean you’re bisexual”,

“thanks I means it was mainly my mum and a couple of ex-boyfriends, some teachers and stuff you know”

“Do you want to get your own back?”.

Richie looked at the small wolf in surprise thinking about how he could play pranks and stuff or what they could do in order to get his own back but Eddie had something else in mind.

“Do you want to come with me to kill them”

Maggie Tozier, was baking in the kitchen humming a light tune whilst taking a pie out of the oven, she hadn’t spoken to her son since he turned sixteen and came out as bisexual for the third time to her disbelief that it wasn’t a phase and after she decided not to accept him they both just stopped talking to each other and then a year later he up and left.

As Richie made his way to his childhood home with his boyfriend in tow he looked at his mom and realised there was no turning back, it was now or never, he could talk to his mom get clarification? If it all went wrong Eddie would be there to make sure he’s okay. Walking in announced he saw he face drop and her mouth open, unfortunately it didn’t seem to be in a nice way. “What are you doing here” her voice laced with disappointment at seeing her thirty-odd year old son standing in front her for the first time in years waiting for her approval or acceptance at last, but that would never come. “Do you still think you can live in cloud cuckoo land and date both boys and girls, I hate to tell you baby but people are going to take advantage of you, I don’t see a ring if you’d just stop all this nonsense I could-“

Before anyone knew what was happening Eddie had lunged at Maggie and grabbed at her arm to bite her, Richie frozen in shock and horror couldn’t do anything except gape at the site as he could see she was losing more and more blood out of her arm, thinking realising he didn’t have many options his adrenaline kicked in, he pondered back to all the times he’d been told he was invisible, bisexuality didn’t exist or he was a monster for trying to invade both communities and he snapped. Grabbing a butcher’s knife from the kitchen he could see his mother attempting to back away muffled screaming, and stabbed her stomach, hearing the organs squishing made his feel better so he did it again and again until he was cover in a pool of blood, surrounded by his mother whilst he was sobbing, Eddie in a corner waiting on him.

“I just murdered my mother”

“Well yea, I just thought you’d hurt her a little honestly but that was a full on murder, but I think she had it coming? Do you want to get cleaned up?”

“Mhmm, that’d be nice, but the problem is I liked it, I enjoyed stabbing her, is that weird?

“Weeelll that depends on who you ask, me, I’m fine with it I mean I enjoy maiming people as a wolf but to normal person I guess?? Hey do you wanna murder people when I’m in my wolf form”.

“You mean people who deserve it right? Not just random people on the street because I don’t know if I enjoy it that much”.

“Yep yea sure of course I won’t pressure you it’s only been your first murder after all”.

That next night was the final full moon for the month and Richie was trying to think who he would want to murder next, one of his teachers who made him terrified of werewolves, one of the executives who said he’d never get a job in comedy (look at him now!) or one of his biphobic ex-boyfriends who made him feel so disgusting and pathetic that he decided not to date for six years and when he at last did date ‘forgot’ to disclose his sexuality every date he went on.

Tracing down his ex-boyfriend wasn’t as difficult as it seemed just follow the scent of disappointment and go to the nearest seedy gay bar. Julian, who was happily walking towards his car according to the police report, was ribbed in the heart with a duller kitchen knife as if to mimic a broken heart. One arm was ripped off and had teeth marks in it as if it was created by both man and dog.

Waking up next to Eddie, was one of the nice things about existing having had one of the weirdest dreams of his life, although as the blood dripped from the mattress that he couldn’t see he did know one thing though.

He wasn’t frightened of werewolves anymore.

#reddie #reddie au #fanfic #writing #it chapter 2 #hallowren's spooktacular it project #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #beverly marsh #tw murder #tw blood #tw biphobia #tw gore #ask me if there's anything you want me to tag #this is my first lil writing project #werewolves #some of my formatting is awful but i copy pasted from word and i I don't care I'm just proud to have finished!

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aurification · 4 years

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I can be a handful, but that's why you have two hands.

basics —

FACECLAIM: Peter Gadiot FULL NAME: Michael Jon Carter NICKNAMES: Mikey ALIAS: Booster Gold BIRTHDATE: December 29th, 2442 BIRTHPLACE: Gotham City AGE: 35 HEIGHT: 6’5” HAIR COLOR: Blond EYE COLOR: Blue FAMILY: Jon Carter (father), Ellen Carter (mother, deceased), Michelle Carter (twin sister), Rip Hunter (son), Rani Carter (adopted daughter), Daniel Carter (21st century ancestor), Rose Levin (21st century ancestor), Skeets (robotic sidekick) AFFILIATIONS: Justice League, Time Masters OCCUPATION: Model / Socialite MBTI: ESFP SEXUALITY: Bisexual MARITAL STATUS: Divorced → Michael was married to an older woman named Gladys who was his sugar mama. Their marriage didn’t last long before he asked for a divorce. IDENTITY STATUS: Public RELIGIOUS BELIEFS: Atheist

powers / abilities —

LEGION FLIGHT RING: provides him with the ability of flight.

POWER SUIT: uses an advanced microcircuitry-powered all-purpose combat suit that allows him a wide range of options to use in combat.

ENHANCED DURABILITY: the suit is extremely durable and very lightweight. It’s able to withstand bullets without losing its integrity but getting shot will still hurt.

SUPERHUMAN STRENGTH: the microcircuitry woven into the mesh affords him a high measure of super-strength, enough to easily shift twenty tons - and a great deal more if he exerts himself.

FORCE FIELD GENERATION: the suit is capable of generating a force-field that was powerful enough to take a direct punch from doomsday and leave him intact.

TIME TRAVEL CIRCUITRY: time-travel circuitry is built into his suit, enabling him to travel through the time stream, both into the past and the future. the suit has also been been upgraded by rip hunter to enable michael to traverse chronal anomalies without any adverse effects.

GAUNTLETS: able to provide powerful energy blasts via blasters in the suit’s gauntlets. at the highest setting they can plow through two feet of concrete. they also allow him to create an absorbing field which acts similar to a tractor beam, in which he can grab hold of objects and move them about or hurdle them at foes.

VISOR DEVICES: his visor is outfitted with sensory amplification devices for auditory and visual. also has an hud for targeting and indentifying threats.

ENHANCED VISION: the visor can scan along the electromagnetic spectrum, provide infrared, ultraviolet, and x-ray vision.

ENHANCED HEARING: amplified to super human levels allowing him to hear sounds and frequencies no other human can hear.

HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT.

ATHLETICISM.

headcanons —

Four years ago back in his universe, Michael rescued a Daxamite child from the planet Daxam while Darkseid was invading it. Her parents were killed, and unfortunately witnessed the traumatic event. He took her back to Earth since she didn’t have any friends or family left after what Darkseid did done to her planet. The child quickly became attached to Michael, that much was obvious — even carrying around a teddy bear dressed up as him around the house. Michael adopted her shortly after, her new name now Rani Carter. She’s thirteen years old now in the present and has grown comfortable enough to call him dad. Now since she’s a Daxamite, that means she has powers similar to Kryptonians under a yellow sun. This surely keeps everything interesting for Booster.

Michael isn’t from this universe but is actually from an alternate timeline. Everything is the same for the most part except for one thing. His Ted Kord is dead because of what Maxwell Lord had done. It has been seven years since losing his best friend. This spiraled into him getting sole ownership of Kord Industries and taking on Jaime Reyes as a mentoree to respect his best friend’s wishes. How he ended up here will be explained in his biography at the end of this!

Normally Booster would always be clean-shaven but has grown a beard in recent years after falling into a deep depression. His daughter has never seen him without it. He does make sure to trim it when necessary but hasn’t thought about getting rid of the beard since this is just part of his look now.

personality traits —

- RECKLESS. Michael has a tendency to think with his heart sometimes and act on his own personal interests. He doesn’t care about being respected, being the greatest hero you’ve never heard of for a reason so this impacts his decisions in being impulsive or putting himself in a dangerous position.

- ECCENTRIC. Some might think of his sense of humor to be rather strange. He tends to laugh at the wrong times and not say the right thing when it’s important to be serious. He always thinks this makes him unique but it might be annoying instead to others.

+ AMIABLE. He’s always friendly and upbeat unless given a reason not to be. This has been harder since his his best friend died and Rip told him there was no way to go back and save him. He’s starting to slowly become his old self again with each day though. You wouldn’t know that meeting him since he keeps the lighthearted attitude when talking to a friend or a stranger. He’s an optimist despite the tragedy filling his past.

+ CONFIDENT. He’s charismatic and has confidence in his abilities. This isn’t only just applied to what he does as Booster Gold but also with his modeling career also. The charisma is applied to conversations too, no matter how stupid his ideas might be there’s no hesitation in throwing them out there to someone.

biography for the last seven years —

When the ban started here in this universe, Michael had still been in his own attending a funeral. His best friend was gone and this made him fall into a deep depression. They had two memorial services — one for the businessman everyone knew Ted to be and another for the hero he was. Booster ended up being the last person to arrive at the service and didn’t know what to say when it was his turn to speak in front of the rest of the Justice League. He didn’t believe in anything ever getting better after that but it was with the support of his sister that there was a glimmer of hope. It was hard, really hard. The hardest thing he ever did to not go back and try rewriting history.

His life has been busy since, putting most of his efforts toward either helping the rest of the Justice League or keeping history intact. It does him good having something to do, keeping his mind occupied on how empty the world seemed. It wasn’t until four years ago after adopting Rani that Michael started to experience what it felt to be happy again.

Now bringing it all to the present, a few weeks ago Michael was helping some other heroes fight a creature terrorizing New York. His daughter was a teenager now and recently was gifted one of Michelle’s old Goldstar uniforms for sentimental reasons. Rani wants to be her father’s sidekick but Michael couldn’t lost anyone else. He’s always firm with saying no. She appeared at the scene begging to help but just as they were bickering the creature bursted through a nearby building. Skeets informed them that it was coming right for them. Michael did the only thing any father would do — whatever it takes to protect his family.

He used his time travel technology in his suit to take them away from the destruction coming for them. He meant to only hop a few minutes into the future but something went wrong and they crash landed in a different universe. The not-so-glamorous landing busted the device so there’s no way of getting home but at least Rani and Skeets were okay. This was all he cared about at the end of the day. Maybe it could be possible to build a life here until figuring out a way to fix his suit but seems unlikely right now. Michael realized the Booster Gold of this universe hasn’t been around for a while but has a history of being a model too just like him. He uses this as an easy way to get some work while they’re here.

#starcintro #ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴇᴀᴛᴇsᴛ ʜᴇʀᴏ ʏᴏᴜ'ᴠᴇ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ʜᴇᴀʀᴅ ᴏғ. [ MUSE ]#depression tw #death tw

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aahsoka · 4 years

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So having been on tiktok for a bit I wanna talk a little about it.

What I like

It’s actually rather entertaining to scroll through up to 30 second videos one after the other. Sometimes the humor falls flat or it’s not your taste, but the algorithim is quite good at recommending the kind of content you will like.

I joined right when there was a big trend going around about sharing your culture, and soon after a Blackout trend where non-Black creators stopped posting for a day & spread/supported videos by Black creators. So I ended up with a fairly diverse fyp or “for you page”. It also quickly gathered that I am bisexual, so I get plenty of lgbt+ content. There’s some art mixed in there, some cosplay, some historical costuming/seamstresses, lots of avatar jokes lately, musical theatre content, fashion, girls in bikinis on rollerskates (in outer space), commentary on political issues, body positivity, all the kinds of stuff I like. To get a feed that caters to your interests you just have to watch & like videos you’re interested in & eventually it gets a feel for what you’ll watch and what you won’t.

Theres a trend where people say which ‘side’ of tiktok they’re on and I get ‘science side of tumblr’ flashbacks but I’ve mostly avoided the “straight” and conservative sides of tiktok. I would be considered a part of “woke”, “alt” (as in alternative) and lgbt+ tiktok (there are separate ones for each letter of the acronym). Possibly also “theatre” and “cosplay” tiktok. These categories are nebulous and you’re usually part of multiple communities; its just as arbitray as ‘science side of tumblr’ was.

The format reminds me of snapchat a little, and I love to talk to myself on video & post dumb thirst traps for my friends (none of which I’m attracted to so idk what my goal is there) and make stupid jokes. So this app is kinda perfect for my attention seeking side & hyperactive tendencies. Its very easy to consume on a short attention span, though not as easy as vine was.

Being in quarantine, its a way for a lot of people to engage in hobbies that involve community. Cosplay is pretty popular, as its a fun way to show off a costume & dress up & have fun without having to attend a convention. I enjoy the way lip synced audios can be used to emulate the character someone is dressed as; that’s something you couldn’t really do unless you were really good at impressions. Its a nice succinct way to show the process of creating a cosplay as well.

Those who enjoy theatre, but cannot perform in shows at this time, are able to create mini-monologues & sketches as well as sing parts of their favorite songs. Its an avenue through which to perform without putting anyone at risk of the virus. It’s also an easy way to show off your talents without having to go through the audition process & actually get cast in a show as a prominent enough role that someone will notice it.

It’s a convenient format for discourse and educational videos. Nice, short, easily digestible tidbits that stay in your mind. This extremely catchy song, for example: “Black neighborhoods are overpoliced, so of course they have higher rates of crime, and white perpetrators are undercharged, so of course they have lower rates of crime. And all of those stupid stats you keep using are operating off a small sample size. So, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up”.

As well as other videos where people take the time to explain historical events, satirize racist arguments to demonstrate why they are wrong, talk about prevalent tropes in movies, teach a few signs in ASL, share facts about their culture, etc, etc. I have found there are quite a lot of people there from unique and fairly unknown cultures and backgrounds- and this is a place where they’re able to share their culture & existence with people all over the world. There are a thousand different viewpoints. Their videos are doing far more for diverse representation than any other platform, I’d argue, as everyone is extremely visible on the app. (‘Their’ as in the creators, not the app itself).

I also have enjoyed coming across new artists on the app. It’s really fun to watch the process they go through, as most art videos deal with the whole creation of a piece. It’s inspiring. I have also come across a painter who’s work I’m in love with, and a woman who makes and sells the CUTEST ceramic mugs, and I need to purchase some stuff from them both.

Now onto the bad:

Unfortunately, the app doesn’t have much in the way of a filtering or warning system. I talked about that tiktok of the kids coming across human remains? That was just on people’s fyp. Just popped up. No warning. No reason for it to still be up. Traumatizing.

You can click on a video and say ‘not interested’ (I do this to literally every video I get where some girl is thirsting after kylo ren 🤮..... like I want the star wars videos just not THOSE videos). However, it doesn’t seem to know exactly why you weren’t interested, because I still get those videos from time to time. There’s no content filter where I can blacklist the kylo ren or any other hashtag.

There’s some very shitty content. There are racist conservatives. Misogynistic teen white boys. Really weird thirst traps. Videos where people lip sync to something with a straight face and tag it with #acting. Harmful body image trends. I thankfully stay very clear of this, but this kind of content makes me worry for the minors on the app. The one’s who don’t have enough of a concept of self yet to realize they don’t need to be able to do the newest pointless beauty trend to be beautiful, to realize it’s ok for them to be gay, to realize how predatory some adults can be, etc etc.

It is extremely easy to come across minors on the app who don’t look like teens. One time I went to a girl’s page and it said she was FIFTEEN. I’m usually good at guessing ages but something about this app messes that up. I wish there was a way to separate people under 18 and adults. Where I don’t have minor’s thirst traps popping up on my fyp. Where pedophiles don’t get a chance to curate that fyp intentionally. If anyone reading this has kids, I highly recommend they make their tiktok private or only viewable to friends.

Just like any site, there are plenty of bigots. Lots of racist comments. Plenty of transphobia. Any hatred you’ve seen elsewhere, of course it exists on tiktok. I have actually zero clue if you can report people & if it works. Most people seem to send a video commentary to their haters or duet a video of a racist pointing out their racism. I’ve heard of creators blocking people, however. I remember a tiktok of a Black woman who’s video somehow went fairly viral in Poland and now she gets a lot of racist comments from this large group of random racisf Polish followers she has and its extremely time consuming to block them all, as there’s no mass block feature.

The rumors about what works with the algorithm and doesn’t abound. I’ve heard well lit videos get more views. Many people suspect they have been shadowbanned for speaking out about current events. TikTok will remove the audio from videos sometimes if they deem it controversial enough. Most of us know they were criticized recently for intentionally keeping Black creator’s videos from being seen (a catalyst for the Blackout, actually). Or you may also recall when it was criticized for widely removing lgbt+ content. Those creators are fighting to be seen the same amount as straight cis white creators are allowed to be seen with no effort.

The effects some trends could have on teen girls. So many of them are already so uncomfortable in their own skin simply because of societal standards, but the absolutely meaningless challenges people come up with on tiktok make it so much worse. One trend was based around whether your finger touched your lips when you put it in your nose. Or if you could get your clasped hands around the back of your legs and over your butt (if they get passed, you have a flat ass, if they get stuck, its big). These completely arbitrary signifiers of the things you need to have in order to be pretty, are far more ridiculous that anything I have seen yet in my life. I worry about little girls taking these ideas to heart. There is a very kind body positive community on the app & I hope more people can find that.

There’s also that thing where they steal your data. Like most apps. But apparently they got a lot more invasive than usual, so I would look into it before making an account; if you want to do that.

I think the apps users can be great & its a pretty intuitive set up. It certainly deserves its popularity solely as a creative form of social media. That being said, its owners are so so insidious & do the worst things. Just like all other social media, its controlled by the worst kind of people. Who can never figure out how to effectively get rid of nazis or keep kids safe from adult content.

These are my less serious gripes with the app:

1) Lip syncing

When people lip sync and don’t do any kind of skit, joke, etc, just look as if they’re saying what someone else said; I hate that. I have to go back and find the original tiktok so I can like it instead. You literally did nothing interesting by ripping off someones audio and moving your lips along to it. So many people on this app are creative and so many others lack any semblance of creativity.

Also people are too easily impressed by lip syncing to kinda-fast songs. I lip synced to like....10 seconds of the devil went down to georgia and two people praised my lip syncing abilities. Like, I can also sing and talk fast, out loud, isn’t that more impressive? more skillful? The fiddle playing in that song is impressive, not the fact I can lip sync ‘the devil went down to georgia, he was lookin for a soul to steal, he was in a bind, cause he was way behind.’ Have you ever seen someone play Johnny’s fiddle solo????? It’s insane!!!

Rather than see someone lip sync to the verse in Stressed Out 2x faster than normal (which is, extremely simple and the song was overplayed and ingrained into our collective consciousness) and go WOW what about someone.....doing the verse out loud. You can litterally just mouth random words and look like you’re saying the right ones. It’s driving me crazy lmao. I’m set to become a God of tiktok because I have a repertoire of fast songs and rap verses memorized. It’s not even an uncommon skill to speak or sing quickly, people literally make rap music for a living! Listen to it maybe.

2) “Acting”

I am begging you to stop making me sit through those horrible POVs. I cannot take another girl not quite fake crying towards the camera as she lip syncs the words from a song that apply to the random situation she decided she was in. I cannot take another boy who thinks its sexy to stare into a camera and smirk in every single situation he creates.

Back to lip syncing, making facial expressions along to words isn’t really acting. Try saying the words out loud perhaps? The inflection you use with your lines is a pretty big part of acting. Like you can lip sync all you want, just stop tagging it with #acting.

3) Comedic timing, or lack thereof

You don’t need the entire intro to sit there looking at the camera waiting until the first line starts and you can lip sync to the part that’s the joke. You could cut off at least 15 seconds. Brevity is the soul of wit.

When your joke involves both reading text on screen and listening to the song for the punchline, if it isn’t done prefectly, its so difficult to follow. I can’t read a paragraph in 5 seconds. Paraphrase.

4) self deprecating artist audio

the audio thats like ‘this wont get views’ ‘I suck’ ‘you probably won’t see this anyway’ LOVE YOURSELF

It sucks when people dont enagage with your art but it sucks worse when your value in yourself and you art is based solely on receiving that validation. Please find a healthy medium.

Also you’re asking for pity, and you don’t want that. You want people who genuinely love your art for what it is.

5) editing videos is really hard how do you make such cool & smooth transitions????

please help me I don’t understand

Finally

here’s my account if you’re interested

#this long ass opinion article no one asked for #tiktok #social media #jordan talks #long post /

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actual-ongoing-dumpster-fire · 4 years

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The LGBTQ+ Community - Why I have the labels but don’t feel like I fit in at the same time

Maybe it’s my general identity issues, maybe it’s my bisexuality and refusal to “pick a side,” maybe it’s my “snowflake syndrome,” maybe it’s my lack of a cohesive personality but despite knowing without a doubt that I’m bisexual and pansexual I don’t really feel accepted, visible or a part of the LGBTQ+ community sometimes.

I remember when I stopped compartmentalizing my not-heterosexual orientation and started quietly coming out selectively to people as bisexual outside of my family at around 16 or 17 (I wouldn’t come out to them until I was 18), I was told by a few people either I was gay or straight, I had to pick a side, I was confused or experimenting, I was really this orientation or that, I wasn’t bisexual. Mind you, this was from both cishets and another who was at the time a lesbian (and projecting their own stuff because now he’s transitioned, a man and married to man? I don’t know either). This wasn’t exactly super super long ago, either. This was in 2012/2013. You can say that I’ve been around the block with dealing with other people’s biphobia and bi erasure in AND out of the community.

My ex girlfriend didn’t really seem to be okay with my sexuality either. She’s a lesbian and she did NOT like the part of my sexuality that was attracted to men - she’s even asked me if I would stop being attracted to guys for her (to change my sexuality just like that). Now mind you, that relationship was toxic in many other ways and that was just the tip of the iceberg. But needless to say I couldn’t make any mention of my attraction to any guys at all because she was dealing with her own unprocessed trauma and thought every male is an evil rapist not to be trusted. Yes, male privilege is a thing and I’m very weary of cishet males myself, but I can’t just change my sexual orientation just like that.

A lot of non-bi people label me depending on who I’m dating at the moment. I’m dating a girl? They first assume I’m a lesbian. I’m dating a guy? Then I’m straight. That’s not how bisexuality works. That label does not disappear if I’m dating one person. Now I’m not monogamous any more, but that’s what I dealt with before this. Am I out to cheat on someone? No, I’m ethically nonmonogamous. Do I want threesomes and orgies all the time? No, sometimes I just want to have sex with one person, other times more than one, thank you very much. Am I ever “going to pick a side” or will I continue to be “greedy”?

A lot of cishet men see my bisexuality as a way to gratify them sexually - I talk to any cishet man on a dating app (now I filter them all out because I’m tired with a capital T) and their reaction is that it’s “hot” and then they probably formulate a plan to get into an MFF threesome with them, I’m inundated with unicorn hunters looking for a single bisexual female just to, again, sexually gratify and please the straight guy of the couple. It’s not super uncommon for the lesbians and the bi females to see bi girls that have had sex with a guy before as “tainted” and “dirty”. I’m sure there’s plenty of stories of bi poly girls who aren’t allowed to sleep with guys in their polyamorous relationships because I’ve seen on social media a few experiences about rules I wouldn’t jive well with personally.

I deal with other pansexual people defining bisexuality as only being attracted to both gender conforming cis females and cis females, that pansexual people are into “hearts, not parts,” basically defining pansexuality as “woke” bisexuality, and as someone with both of these labels, both of those definitions are fucking wrong. Bisexual does not mean sexually attracted to males and females, it means attracted to both your gender and other genders not your own gender, this can include trans people and it can include nonbinary people, pansexual means attracted to all genders. It infuriates me so much seeing gatekeeping pansexuals who try and define the bisexual label in a vilifying way and use pansexuality to be “woke” or to virtue signal, and think that all bisexuals are transphobic and enforce a gender binary.

I was traumatized by all kinds of people - straight, gay, and yes, bisexual. My rapist is bisexual. Yes, I’m working on processing it all, I’m in therapy, don’t suggest I go to therapy when I’m already in therapy, but to be traumatized by people in and out of the community, it’s really hard to feel like I have a safe space or I belong anywhere.

I view gender as a social construct, that the gender binary and gender norms are silly, I’m an intersectional feminist, but at the same time I’m a cisfemale and I feel like my parts fit my gender, I’m very gender conforming, I feel like I’m a woman and I generally like more feminine things, as absurd I believe it is that things have to be categorized in socially invented labels like “masculine” and “feminine.” I’ve never dealt with gender dysphoria, the most dysphoric I’ve felt about my body is that it actually doesn’t look feminine enough to me (I have PCOS) and if I woke up with or was born with a penis I would be very unhappy and prefer a vagina. I would be very upset to be mistaken for a he or a guy, I like makeup and girlier clothes (although I don’t wear skirts because the tight pencil-like or tight mini-skirts I like over more flowy and loose skirts I don’t like how they look on my body because I hate my stomach and would prefer to hide it at all costs and you can’t hide that if you’re wearing a tighter skirt, ya feel me?) The most “masculine” things I like would be video games, since that’s apparently a categorized thing for whatever fucking reason, and wearing jeans and hoodies sometimes, or tech-y stuff (again, why is that categorized as a masculine thing it’s just a field of study).

I think the “I’m not like the other girls” rhetoric some girls into traditionally-viewed-as-masculine things and putting down other women who are into traditionally feminine stuff as a silly and unneeded rhetoric that just fuels the patriarchy. I think that men expecting women to be nice and quiet and meek and submissive and there only to comfort them when their fweefwees are getting to much and they want to vent away and have women lend them an ear is stupid and I resent that expectation being placed upon me more often than not. I don’t ever see myself as being the awesome housewife and wonderful mother. I don’t see myself ever wanting to be married in a traditional marriage where I stay at home, my partner works and brings in all the money, and I do all the cooking and housekeeping, even if I don’t mind cooking and housekeeping stuff (for myself, for taking care of myself).

I’m a cisfemale and very gender conforming, but the gender norms and the gender binary are, I agree, very stupid and constricting and oppressive. And I’m going to be the asshole calling out gay male and lesbian culture. They say that they’re not about traditional gender norms, but they’re just enforcing it in a different way with using labels like “twink” and “bear” or “butch” and “femme.” The twinks together with the bear and the butch together with the femme, with one being the more dominant one and “wearing the pants” in the relationship is enforcing and conforming to gender norms but in a different way, I’m sorry to tell you.

Needless to say, there’s plenty behind why I view the LGBTQ+ community as something I don’t feel like I fit in or have a place or space for. It’s always felt like something I’ve always wanted to be a part of, that I’ve always admired from afar, even though that shouldn’t be the case because I have the labels, I am not heterosexual. But with all the gatekeeping running rampant inside and out, by both the gays and the straights, it’s pretty hard not to feel invisible and unwanted, invalidated and erased, like there’s no home for me. I don’t fit the right boxes to be a straight or a gay, according to most people, and it’s really isolating to be denied a place in “your” community because that same community who is all about fighting against the majority oppressors in power actually has their own set of norms and majority opinions and tends to cast out other oppressed people that should be accepted in the community but because they don’t blindlessly follow some arbitrary and problematic opinions they’re now cast out.

I’m bi, I’m a gender conforming woman, deal with it?

#bi erasure #biphobia #my experiences with biphobia #cptsd #lgbtq stuff #being lgbtq #my queer experience #queer #queer struggles #being queer #lgbtq #lgbtq community #bi culture #bisexual #bisexuality #bi #pansexual #pan

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