#it's just my tortured artist complex maybe

[akindplace]

The thing about romanticizing the tortured artist trope is that it takes very serious health conditions, physical, mental, and emotional ones, and it turns it into a very empty aesthetic made for consumption. It takes a life story, and it turns it into a punch line, an easy way out to explain a lifelong struggle while having no regard for the person who actually lived it.

It’s a way of simplifying something so complex as a whole life story, take away the good parts, the artist’s talent, and atribute years and year of studying and practicing their craft to an illness. As if it makes people feel better that maybe they aren’t geniuses but at least they aren’t “insane”.

Artists are constantly working to the bone to get people to see and understand their art, to change the current status quo, to perfect their craft. The most important thing is not how an artist died. It’s the life they lived, the work they’ve left behind, their mark on the world. Reducing people to a tragedy is not a way of appreciating their genius: their art is.

No one is a genius because of their illness, their trauma, their suffering, but because they studied and worked hard to develop the aptitude they were born with. Talent is not a miracle, it’s a lifelong effort.

This stereotype is extremely harmful to people who are currently struggling with those health problems, and it should not be used to “give pain a meaning”, because there is always so much more to someone’s life than suffering, and there is always so much more to your own life than romanticizing your own struggles and those of others.

Pain is meant to be worked through, not fed. And when you feed yourself the myth that an artist was brilliant because they were sick, you are erasing a big part of their life to try and make sense of yours. But you won’t find true meaning in life if you’re only feeding your sorrow instead of maybe, just maybe, doing what those artists did and work through it with your own art.

A lot of them did not have any access to healthcare because their conditions were unknown, but they did what they could to keep going. Their deaths don’t mean they gave up in a big tragic ending, and reducing them to that means you’re erasing everything they did to keep going, every fight, every effort they put into their own health and into their life’s work.

I love impressionist art ever since I was in elementary school, my favorite artist being Vincent Van Gogh. I was first introduced to his story as a man who had a mental illness and died a tragic death, while struggling financially and never being recognized properly during his lifetime.

But you see, Vincent Van Gogh had his brother Theo, who kept all the letters his older brother sent him, and sent his brother words of admiration, support, and unconditional love in his own.

He helped Vincent financially so he could pursue his paiting career. He saw the talent in his own brother even when others might’ve not. The period when Vincent was doing a little better with his health was actually when he was most prolific in his painting, which shuts down the idea that someone must be on the gutter and on the deepest pain and sickness to produce great art.

Most people in really poor health have a hard time managing daily life, and they probably won’t miraculously produce their best work yet while they in extreme suffering (I dare you to make the greatest work of art you’re capable of while you’re down with the flu, now imagine being in constant physical, mental and emotional distress and people think you can just make just about anything). Great art takes a lot of work. Genius and suffering don’t go hand in hand, and it reductive to explain away talent by an illness, as if any effort artists put into their craft was meaningless.

Theo named his own son after his brother, and after Vicent died, he still wanted to make his work known, and after his own death, his wife Johanna kept working on Theo’s mission besides her own political activism. She published the letters between the two brothers, and her own son helped in making Van Gogh’s work even more well known. Even though he was just a baby when his uncle died, he kept his memory alive by founding a world famous museum in his name.

Vincent Van Gogh was able to keep working because he was helped by his own family, financially, emocionally, and was given every encouragement so he could go on with his own career. He painted more when he got medical help, even though in his own time he would have had access to much simpler treatments, since the understanding of illnesses has largely changed in the last centuries.

Healthcare, support, compassion and understanding go a long way, and that’s why it’s important to keep pushing society to be more inclusive to people with illnesses - so they will get the help they need, so they won’t leave earlier than they should.

Vincent Van Gogh’s name is not well known just because of his own efforts, but also by the efforts of those who loved him and kept his name alive long after he was gone. He is not famous because he was a tortured artist. He is famous because those who loved him tried to help him in the ways they could, even after he was gone. His fame is not the result of his death, but of his life’s work and the work of those around him.

Love made him known. Support allowed him to keep working. Getting some help even at a time people did not understand his condition well enough meant he could paint more.

Van Gogh was only human, and he felt such a broad spectrum of emotions and lived through so many things, just as we all do. Behind those paintings, there is a person, a story, and so much hard work, and none of that can be reduced to the romanticized ideal of a tragic death of a tortured man.

It is not about his pain, his suffering, his death, you see. It’s about his life. And it’s about the life of those who loved him. He was able to do what he loved because he was loved, and that is the reason is remembered to this day.

I will end this long post with one of his most famous quotes:

“There is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.”

[mrsdesade]

hi, I loved your s4 writings (the one with sister sage and the other one with ryan). if you want to, can you write something with firecracker and ophera as rivals? maybe ophera wants to kick her out of the Seven or she protects Ryan from her. I'm sure anything you write will be great.

btw your art is gorgeous, I love your ophera design!! I'm a beginner artist, and your work really inspires me to learn and be better in this.

Sure!! I love exploring interactions and relationships with other characters from the series (any suggestions is more than welcome), but I suppose now is Firecraker's turn ❤️‍🔥

Btw, thank you for your kind words, I'm honoured! Keep going and never stop drawing! ✨

The fire inside;

Pairing: Homelander x fem!super (Ophera) + villain!Firecracker TW: dark themes, violence, blood, torture, revenge p**n and nsfw (mentioned), Herogasm situation (mentioned) Timeline: season 4 Words count: 6,2k

''I know what's better for him. And for his father too. Anything. I'll do anything for them.''

Firecracker's pedantic voice filled the Seven's common room, while you were the only ones there, waiting for the morning meeting. At first your interactions seemed to go well, there was a sort of mutual respect. She didn't get in the way of your plans. You didn't get in her way as well.

But for some reasons unknown to you, from the moment you were introduced to Ryan, something has changed. Jealousy. Horrible jealousy had begun to flow through the veins of the fiery new addition to the team. You are what she always wanted to be, famous, admired, probably loved.

''I don't expect the same from you. But have the decency to step back and make room for me, who knows what I'm doing."

''You don't know what you're talking about Firecracker. Stay away from Homelander business, it's better for everyone."

The coldness of your demeanor and the superiority complex you exuded, clearly touched a raw nerve.

She took a step closer towards you, trying to look intimidating. Though it felt more like an act than anything else. Firecracker's slender form was considerably shorter, the height difference making it even more ridiculous.

''Better for everyone? Including Ryan? Do you think you're good for him?''

You had no difficulty maintaining a cold gaze, your expression remaining completely stoic. You stood confident, exuding a sense of superiority over her, as if letting her know that you were definitely better, without a doubt. You hadn't appreciated Homelander's decision to make you responsible for Ryan, as if you were his ''mother'', but you decided that you would protect him at all cost.

Firecracker was taken aback by your cold response, not expecting such a confident and dismissive reply. She gritted her teeth, her fists clenching involuntarily at her sides.

"You really think you're something, don't you? Just because Homelander choose you as his public partner? You're just a clown performing on the stage. I bring the truth to people!"

You kept your composure, not showing any signs of intimidation or defensiveness in the face of her aggression. Instead, you let out a soft, mocking laugh, the sound dripping with disdain.

"Please, spare me the charade. You think I'm intimidated by this little act of yours? Things cannot change."

"Act?!" she replied, her voice taut with anger. "I could burn you alive without breaking a sweat. Do you really want to test me?"

You raised an eyebrow at her threat, silently amused by the level of her arrogance. You took another step closer, your confident smile refusing to waver.

''Your weak fire cannot destroy the metal in my body.''

Just as the tension between you was reaching its peak, the sound of the meeting room door opening broke through the air, interrupting the heated moment. Before any further exchange could take place, the door to the conference room swung open. Homelander and The Deep entered, breaking the standoff between you two.

They were deep in conversation, not even noticing the tense atmosphere in the room. Firecracker quickly composed herself, masking her annoyance with a forced smile, while you maintained your composure, watching the two as they approached.

"Ah, there you are. Arrived early this morning, good girls." Homelander said, finally taking notice of you two. He gave you a friendly nod before turning his gaze to Firecracker, his eyes showing annoyance at her big smile.

The Deep shifted uncomfortably, clearly feeling the lingering tension in the room. "Everything okay?" he asked, glancing between you and her.

Firecracker's fake smile remained plastered on her face, her voice dripping with faux cheerfulness. "Everything's perfect!" she replied, shooting you a quick, insincere glance.

And the scene ends like this, you took your seat beside Homelander and you really hope you've been clear enough with her. You hope it no longer intrudes on the extremely delicate balance you're trying to maintain between you, Ryan and his father.

The day quickly transitioned into night, and with most of the Seven dispersed for the evening, you were walking through the now-deserted hall when you heard footsteps approaching. Turning, you saw Firecracker walking towards you, a malicious smile on her face.

''No, not you again, please.''

"We're on the same team silly, did you forget already?" she said, a sly smile playing on her lips. "I was hoping I'd run into you tonight, I have something important to discuss with you."

Her tone was almost too sweet, the false cheerfulness making your stomach churn. "What do you want?" you asked curtly, keeping your voice cold and detached.

"Come on, no need to be so cold." She stepped closer to you, invading your personal space.

You roll your eyes, bored by his extreme closeness. And you decide to move the conversation with a sarcastic tone. ''If you get any closer, I'll start to think that you have some special interest in me. And I don't think Homelander would be happy about that. He is very jealous of his possessions.''

Firecracker's smile faltered for a millisecond at the indirect mention of Homelander. She clenched her jaws, her eyes narrowing slightly, before regaining her composure.

"Don't flatter yourself Ophera. I don't have any ''special'' interest in you." despite her denial, you caught the hint of defensiveness in her tone. Clearly, the idea of you being the object of Homelander's interest and not her had struck a nerve.

"Then what do you want?" you asked point-blank, crossing your arms over your chest.

"I got something about you.''

You raised an eyebrow, trying to appear unruffled. "Oh? And I'm curious what that might be?"

"I have a video. A video of you in… a very compromising position. That, If it were to go public..." she began, her voice dripping with venomous honey. "...would really damage your reputation."

A chill went down your spine as her words stung. You managed to keep your expression relatively blank, but inside you felt a wave of anxiety. How did she get a video of you? Your mind raced, trying to remember any situations where you could have been secretly filmed.

Or she was lying, maybe it's just a bluff, of course, it has to be like that. "Oh please, you're bluffing.''

"Bluffing? No, unfortunately for you, I'm not." she replied, her voice dripping with feigned sympathy.

''Then prove it. Show me this so-called video." you say with a confident grin on your face, keeping your arms crossed over your chest, still thinking she's lying.

"Sure, just to make things clear, let me show you…" Firecracker pulled out her phone, scrolling through the gallery to find the video. Your heart sank into your stomach as you watched Firecracker produce her phone. She was not bluffing. She really seemed to have something. A real video that would certainly cause a scandal.

She found the video and held the display towards you. You could clearly see yourself in the video. In one of your best Herogasm performances. You were always untouchable at that particular event, no one dared to touch you since you were Homelander's public partner. But someone's company wasn't necessary, you could perfectly satisfy yourself on your own, all you needed was an adoring audience watching you.

You had always been so careful, so meticulous in keeping your activities discreet. And yet, here was proof, captured on camera. HD. 4K.

Your initial reaction was anger, both at her for having the video and at yourself for being so unwary. But there was something else behind the anger, an even more primal feeling: fear. The fear of having your reputation and your place in the Seven ruined by one video.

She pushed the phone closer to your face, forcing you to look at the damning footage again. "Imagine this being leaked. How do you think the public would react? How would Homelander react?"

The thought of the whole America seeing this video, the idea of Hoemlander seeing it, his reaction, the damage it could cause - it was all too much to consider. The rage that had just barely been contained now exploded. You could feel your heart racing in your chest, your mind swirling with worst-case scenarios.

"Where did you get this?" you asked, your voice slightly shaky despite your attempts to keep it steady. "Who else has seen it?"

''I have my sources." she responded with a smile. "And don't worry, as of now only I have seen it. But who knows what might happen if this were to get into the wrong hands…"

You stared straight into Firecracker's eyes with a burning glare.

''You have ten seconds to give me just one good reason not to punch you in the face, and destroy your phone with that damn video inside.''

She had underestimated the anger beneath your cool veneer, and now she was taken aback by your threat. Her bravado waned slightly.

"Oh, look to you, all threatening and violence." she said sarcastically, trying to mask her momentary alarm. "Are you sure you want to do that? Even if you break my phone, I have the video backed up. Now, you, the American sweetheart, are about to do exactly as I say."

"I'm listening." you answered coldly and defeated, the anger in your voice barely leashed.

''Mmh. Rather than just listening, maybe you should pay more attention to your surroundings, danger can hide at every corner.'' she smirked, triumph radiating from her. She had you exactly where she wanted you.

You can sense something is wrong, a negative feeling invades your chest. It's too quiet around you, and the Tower of Seven never is. She gave you a smile as realization slowly dawned on you. You had been so focused on the confrontation with her that you hadn't noticed the silence that had enveloped the area around you. Her words, though vague, were starting to paint a more alarming picture.

''What the hell are you talking about?''

''You'll see. Very soon.''

Your worst fears were confirmed when unexpected hands seized you from behind. Strangers. They grabbed you from various points around your body, rendering you unable to struggle as they forced you to the floor.

You feel a needle prick your neck, and an icy liquid invade your veins, making your powers temporarily unusable. You struggled against their grasp, but it was in vain. Now the masked strangers were stronger than you, their grip on you unyielding. You were in the middle of what seemed to be a very well-planned and synchronized kidnapping.

"Don't even bother struggling. They've been paid a lot of money for this. And they're very professional." she said, approaching you as you lay helpless on the floor.

''Ah! Good luck trying to kill me, it won't be that easy!'' you reply, but the strength that usually coursed through your veins seemed to have deserted you, leaving you at the mercy of these unknown individuals.

"Who said anything about killing? Oh no, no. I have something special planned for you, love. I have more creative plans for you.''

''Fuck yourself, crazy ass bitch.'' you're spitting venom with your words, the desire to destroy them all is tearing you apart.

"You see Ophera, I know you're invincible, or that you like to think yourself of such." she continued, her tone mocking. "But now, thanks to that little injection of Compound V inhibitor they've just shot you with, you're quite defenseless."

''The effect of the inhibitor will not last forever, you know that?''

''Yeah, I know silly! But it will last long enough to make you disappear. Gone, forever. No more shows, no new albums, no afternoon with Ryan, no gala dinner with the Seven.''

Then Firecracker reached down and grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at her face.

"And Homelander won't be happy, when he comes back and finds out you're gone. Without any warning or goodbye messages. Oh, I can't wait to see the look on his face."

Despite the effects of the drug rapidly dulling your senses and your powers, a little smirk escaped your lips.

"Oh please… You really think that's going to work? You really think Homelander won't figure it out? He's not blind to obvious sabotage, trust me. He'll find me."

"You think you know everything, don't you? It's time for a reality check, love. This isn't just about a spot in the Seven, this is about making sure Homelander looks at me, me and not you. I want his attention, his praise, his everything. He's the one I want and nothing will stand in my way."

You locked eyes with her, your voice strangely calm despite the effects of the drug and your weakening state. You laughed bitterly.

"You think it's all sunshine and rainbows, being his favourite? Please, you're more stupid than I thought. Homelander's love could be a death sentence. To have his twisted obsession on you. His attention can be a curse as much as it can be a blessing. You're pathetic. And you don't know anything about the burden of being his beloved, trust me."

Surprise is clear on her face. The way you talked, the way you described being Homelander's favorite... for a moment, she didn't know how to react to your words.

"Oh, I bet it's soooo hard being Homelander's little sweetheart, getting all the fame and recognition while the rest of us have to fight for scraps." she spit with venomous sarcasm. "Boo-hoo, poor you, suffering under his terrible twisted obsession. You have everything! His love, his attention, his hands on you… Fuck, you're his damn public girlfriend! You have no idea what I'd give to be in your place."

There it was-the truth. The real reason behind her hostility, her jealousy, her attempts to bring you down.

''I don't think... I don't think you know... what it means to be in my place. His… isn't… love. You're going to...hurt yourself-''

Before you could finish your sentence, your vision began to blur and your head grew heavy with fatigue. The drug finally taking hold, you lost consciousness, sinking into oblivion.

Firecracker gestured to the group of men, and one of them picked you up effortlessly.

"Now. Time for the final act. You know the plan, take her somewhere isolated and secret. And make damn sure no one finds her. Respect the orders, no one will have to recognize her, ruin that pretty face as best you can.''

The masked men nodded in response, lifting your unconscious body with ease and proceeding to carry you to a waiting van outside the Tower. Once you were safely inside, the van doors shut with a loud thud, and the vehicle soon vanished into the night.

Firecracker felt a surge of triumph. Her plan had gone flawlessly. You were gone, out of the picture-at least for the foreseeable future. But the taste of victory was bittersweet. Deep down, she knew that once Homelander discovered your disappearance, hell would break loose.

Indefinite moments, minutes, hours pass. You can't say how much has passed since that evening.

Your eyelids flickered open, a disoriented groan escaping your lips. Your head throbbed with a dull pain, and for a few moments your vision remained a blurry mess. Then, slowly, your surroundings began to come into focus. You were in an abandoned warehouse, the air thick with dust and a musty scent. The walls were crumbling, and the silence around you was interrupted only by the sound of your own shallow breathing.

You tried to move, but quickly realized your limbs were tightly bound to a chair. You felt the bite of rough rope against your skin, the tight ropes digging into your flesh as you struggled. The abandoned warehouse was cold and eerie, the only company provided by the ominous figures that stood guard around you. They were all wearing masks, making it impossible for you to identify any of them.

"Oh great, this isn't a cliché scenario at all…" you muttered sarcastically, your eyes scanning the area for any potential escape route.

One of the men, the tallest one, stepped closer to you at the sound of your voice. He took a couple of seconds to assess your situation before speaking up in a low voice.

"Looks like our little songbird finally woke up. I hope you're comfortable." he said, a hint of mockery underlying his words.

"Well, this is a lovely place you've brought me to." you drawled, feigning nonchalance. "Not exactly the five-star hotel I booked last week."

Despite the situation, the guard chuckled at your sarcastic reply. "Oh, sorry to disappoint. Our five-star prisoner need another room? Unfortunately they're all booked.''

You rolled your eyes, silently thinking of the countless witty comebacks that were at your fingertips but couldn't be voiced at the moment.

Then the men leaned in closer, now mere inches from you. "Now, enough chitchat. We've been paid to keep you here and we have strict orders to follow. So, do us all a favor, stay cooperative and keep your pretty mouth shut."

Their cold demeanor and close proximity sent chills down your spine. It was clear they were not here to joke around. One of the other guys stepped forwards, standing almost directly behind you.

"We were paid for a specific task." he chimed in, his voice dripping with a mocking sweetness. "And that task is: to make you as unrecognizable as possible."

His words sent a new wave of fear coursing through you. Unrecognizable. What the hell did that mean?

You swallowed heavily, a sense of dread beginning to grow in the pit of your stomach. "What exactly do you mean by unrecognizable?"

''Just a few…adjustments to your lovely face, body and maybe hair." the man behind you said.

They really intend to disfigure your face? Ruin your body and fill you with scars? Of course. So that you are no longer fit to be in the spotlight. That's one of your greatest fears, even more than great heights perhaps. You struggled against the ropes binding your wrists and legs, trying to break free, but the only result was the ropes digging into your skin even more.

The man behind you chuckled at your struggles. "Don't bother trying to break free. You aren't going anywhere.''

Another man, the largest one, spoke up. "Yeah, so save your energy for what's coming next."

The tall man started to circle around you, examining you from different angles like a piece of meat on display. Each circle he made around you sent a new wave of disgust through your body, and you had to resist the urge to spit at him.

''So, what's coming next assholes?''

He stopped in front of you, a cold smile on his face. He pulled out a shiny little knife from his pocket, the blade glinting menacingly in the dim light.

"Now, now, that's not a very nice way to talk to the people holding your fate in their hands." he warned, holding the weapon close to your face. Then the blade of the weapon traced a light, teasing line from your chin down to your chest.

The cold metal against your skin sent a fresh wave of fear coursing through you. You didn't want to give them the satisfaction of seeing your terror, though.

"Is that supposed to scare me?" you retorted, attempting to sound defiant. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, but you forced yourself to remain calm. You refused to give them the satisfaction of seeing you break.

The group was momentarily taken aback by your apparent bravado. "Playing tough uh? But we'll see how long that lasts once we start carving up that pretty face of yours.''

When he moves the knife in your direction, you instinctively move your face and pull back in your uncomfortable sit, showing how scary this thing can really be for you. Fuck. How long does it take for your powers to return?

What you need now is just a bit of time, extra time.

''Wait- Wait! Just for a moment! If Firecracker paid you to do this, I can pay you a lot more, absolutely, no doubt!''

The mercenaries exchanged glances, clearly caught off guard by your attempt to stop them. The man holding the knife pulled back, a skeptical look on his face.

"You're really trying to buy us off right now?''

You mask your fear behind a ridicoulous smile, the same you use to charm your fans.

''Oh come on, everyone has a price. Just kindly asking what's yours.''

"You're quite the charmer, aren't you? I never would have guessed beneath all that sparkle and charm is just a desperate, bargaining diva.''

''Desperate? Me? Hardly. I just know how to play my cards and get what I want.''

The mercenary chuckled again, but his expression took on a more serious note. ''But I gotta admit, you're right about everyone having a price. Let's say hypothetically we were open to negotiation. Just hypothetically, of course. What's your offer?''

You took a deep breath, mentally calculating the worth that you could possibly offer to these men if it means they'll spare you.

"How does 25 million sound?" you said, keeping your tone casual.

The men all looked at each other again, clearly surprised by the amount you had just thrown out there. One of them whistled lowly.

"Sweet lord, that's a hefty sum. You're really willing to pay us that much just to spare that pretty face of yours, huh?"

As you talk with them, you feel the time ticking away, and you are still tied to a chair and unable to fight. Frustration would soon turn to anger and you would lose your temper. Then, all your diplomacy suddenly fails.

"What, you didn't think I had that kind of money to spare?! I'm a damn Seven! Of course I can afford it! Believe me, I'm worth much more alive and well than disfigured or dead."

Bad move, really bad move.

Your sudden outburst and loss of diplomacy did not go unnoticed by the men. They were clearly enjoying seeing the cracks in your composure. The idea that you were worth more alive, that they could get even more money from Firecracker to ruin you, was already setting in.

This was turning into a game of cutthroat negotiations.

"Well, well, well." the tallest man chuckled. "Looks like the little diva's mask is coming off. All this time, pretending to be so calm and collected, and now you're getting desperate. It's quite entertaining, isn't it, boys?"

As the men closed in on you, the situation was starting to feel hopeless. You had miscalculated, and now your attempts at bribery seemed to be backfiring. The reality of your predicament was setting in as the men circled around you like a pack of hungry wolves.

"No more deals. You're worth more alive for sure, and we'll talk to Firecracker to get more money to end this work, but in the meantime we can make sure you're not quite as perfect anymore..."

You quickly weigh the options. These men are more interested in doing their job than listening to you. You're tied to a chair. No powers. No escape route. All you can do is bargain, and hope to delay them long enough to get out of this mess.

''Fine...do your worst.''

You lower your head and close your eyes, your only option is to try to resist, until the Compound V inhibitor has finished its effect.

They began to pummel you, their fists raining down on your body. You tried to resist, to fight back, but your strength was fading. The Compound V inhibitor was still there. Each blow felt like it was tearing through your very being, pain radiating throughout your body like fire through a dry forest. You held onto consciousness by sheer determination and will, refusing to show weakness even in the face of pain. You gritted your teeth, refusing to let them see your weakness. Hiding your face, your most precious possession. Your uniform was stained with blood, your skin bruised and battered, but you managed to resist the urge to cry out.

You couldn't give them satisfaction.

Time passes, and your desperate plan finally takes effect. They wasted their time hitting you, without thinking about their main task anymore. How stupid humans are. And you bought the time you needed. The time it takes to regain your powers.

As the men's fists continued to rain down on you, you felt less pain, finally. With a burst of strength, you managed to break free from your bonds and pushing them back. Gaining a few meters of breathing space around you. Your vision was blurred, and your body ached, but you were free. You lunged at the nearest man, knocking him to the ground. The others were taken aback, their surprise momentarily stopping on their places.

The leader, the one holding the knife, was the first to recover. He quickly recomposed himself, a dangerous gleam in his eyes. He quickly realize the situation has changed. You're no longer tied up and sedated, and you've already shown that you're a threat. He quickly pulls out a syringe with another dose of inhibitor inside.

"Grab her, don't let her get away!"

You stay dead silent. Full of fury. With fire inside your body.

As they rush at you, you spot the weapons they have on them. You feel the familiar pull and tug of your powers coming back to you. Taking a deep breath, you focus all your energy on the metal objects around them, using your powers to grab and pull on them. You can feel the weapons being yanked out of their hands, as if invisible strings were attached to them.

With a flick of your wrists and your powers now back in full effect, the weapons float around you, like obedient puppets waiting for your command. Metal barrels, knives, and a few firearms all levitate in the air, circling around you. A dangerous gleam in your eyes. You look like a terrifying sight.

A dangerous goddess dressed in red of her own blood.

Their eyes darting from you to the weapons floating around you. They look at you with fear, finally seeing you for the dangerous woman you truly are.

In the meantime, Firecracker stood before the massive glass windows of the Tower, looking out over the New York skyline. Her heart was racing, a feeling of triumph coursing through her veins. She had succeeded in her plan, you were gone.

Homelander was nearby, staring out at the city with a mixture of anger and confusion. The news of your disappearance had already reached his ears, and he was anxiously pacing back and forth, waiting for anyone to give him an update.

Firecracker approached Homelander cautiously, trying to mimic a concerned and empathetic expression. But it was evident that her words were nothing more than a facade.

"Hey..." she said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I know this must be hard for you. I can't imagine how much you care for her. But you know how she is, she's unpredictable, fickle, frivolous.''

Homelander turned his red burning eyes at her. "I don't need your sympathy, Firecracker." he snapped. "I need her back."

Taken aback by his harsh tone, she started caressing his shoulder. "I understand, I really do. But we have to be realistic here. Her role was heavy, she did this job for many years, maybe she was tired. But of course, it's horrible that she didn't tell you anything.'' she adds, to make him doubt your loyalty.

Homelander's face darkened at her words. "She has always done everything I asked of her. Never once did she waver. No, this isn't... right.''

She continued her act, feigning concern while trying to sow seeds of doubt in Homelander's mind.

"Maybe her loyalty wasn't as strong as you thought. Maybe she was just waiting for the right moment to escape.''

"You're trying to say she betrayed me? That she's a traitor?"

He hated the idea that you would betray him, but Firecracker's words were starting to sow seeds of doubt. She could almost see the wheels turning in his mind, the seeds of doubt starting to take root.

But without warning her phone rings, and an unknown number appears on the screen. Her heart skipped a beat, and quickly she excused herself from Homelander, taking a step away and answered the call. She expected to hear the news of your complete disfigurement. So she spoke in a low voice to avoid others from hearing.

"Hello?"

''Kindly, could you accept my video call?'' a familiar voice answered on the other end of the line.

She froze. That was the last thing she expected to hear. It was you, asking for a video call? How? This was not supposed to happen. She quickly looked over her shoulder, making sure Homelander was still occupied and out of earshot.

''Did the cat got your tongue? Turn on that goddamn phone camera.''

She turned away again, her mind racing. She had no idea how to handle this situation. She had been so sure that the plan would be a success, that you would be disfigured and taken out of your position as a favorite.

This wasn't part of the plan. Now you're playing by your rules.

She reluctantly pressed the video call button, turning on the camera to reveal her worried face. Your face appeared on the screen, a small smirk gracing your bloody red lips. You looked exhausted, your face a bit bruised, with a small cut on your cheek. Your uniform, stained from head to toe with blood. And behind you, on the ground, the lifeless bodies of the men who had dared to harm you.

''How...?! How the hell are you-''

"Oh, you thought I'd be sitting quietly, waiting for my face to be carved off? How naive you are.''

Firecracker snap on the other line, realizing she had been outplayed. With anger slowly boiling inside her, she raised her voice. "Don't act so cocky. I still have that compromising video of you." she warned. "One click and your career is over."

''You know, while you left me with your nice masked friends, I had a lot of time to think. At the beginning I was very worried about that video, it would have really created a big scandal for my image...''

''And you should still be worried about it! Indeed, terrified!''

Your laugh echoed through the speakers.

''But then,I came up with a realisation. Maybe he will get angry at first. But Homelander won't take kindly to anyone who threatens me. He'll eliminate anyone who has seen that footage. And If you release it, you'll become public enemy number one."

Firecracker's heart sank as she realized the truth in your words. Homelander's protective nature towards you was a well-known fact. Anyone who had seen that footage, especially someone within the Seven, would quickly be targeted.

"You... you wouldn't dare. I'll deny everything." she stuttered, her confident facade starting to crumble.

A wicked gleam appeared in your eyes as you smirked again.

"Oh, I would. And Homelander will believe me over you any day. He'll tear you apart If you try anything. So I suggest you delete that footage, love. Because If it ever sees the light of day, you won't be able to save your pretty little face."

Firecracker's hands trembled as she gripped her phone tighter. Your words rang through her mind, each one cutting deeper than the last.

You started walking outside the building, still holding the camera, your voice calm. "And by the way, I found the phone of one of your mercenaries. And guess what I found there? Evidence of your little plan to ruin me. Messages between you and them, planning every detail. If you're still in doubt of what to do next, know that have all the proof I need to expose you."

Her blood ran cold as she watching you in horror. You had evidence, solid evidence, of her plan to ruin you. She could feel the walls closing in around her. She became ridicoulous.

"Wait! L-listen, we...we can talk about this! You're alright! You're fine, you're the mighty Ophera! Mine was j-just...a prank. Sure, a prank! You were never really in danger"

It was a desperate, last attempt to save her own skin.

And you are a merciful goddess, right?

''Mmh. An interesting way to spin things. A prank involving hired mercs, secret planning, blackmail attempts, and the risk of disfigurement. Just a little prank, right?"

"I…I…y-yes. A sick, twisted, and stupid prank. I never meant for it to go that far, really. Just a way to get back at you for…being so perfect all the time. I envy...I envy you, you know!''

Your eyes rolled at her attempts to rationalize her actions. She was really going all in, trying to save herself with excuses and half truths. You could practically see the desperation on her face even through the video call.

With a single wave of your bloody hand, you tell her to stay silent. And she stop with her rambling, confused.

You leaned closer to the phone, a lovely grin on your face. "Just a friendly reminder, Homelander can hear pretty well thanks to his powers. He might be listening to this conversation right now."

She had been so focused on her own survival that she had completely forgotten about Homelander's incredible sense of hearing. The thought that he might be listening in on this conversation sent a chill down her spine.

From her reaction you can guess that they're in that same room, maybe with Ashley and all the other super waiting for any news about you.

''Now, be a good girl and go to Homelander.''

"You…you can't…please, I-" she pleaded in a small desperate voice.

''And give him the phone, now.''

She slowly started walking towards Homelander and the others, the phone in her hands, hardly mantaining a smile on her face. ''Uhm- H-Homelander...I've some good news!''

''Spit it out, what's going on?" raised an eyebrow, dead serious.

"Uhm- I-it's for you." she held the phone out to him

The moment Homelander laid eyes on the phone, his emotions were a mixture of relief and anger. He quickly snatched the phone from Firecracker's trembling hand.

"Ophera?! Where the hell are you?!" he repeated, his voice echoing the frustration he was feeling.

"Hey, love. Sorry to worry you. I'm safe and well, just had a little unexpected adventure."

He clenched the phone tightly, his fingers leaving cracks on the device. "Damn it, woman. You had me worried sick. What the hell happened? Where are you? And are you covered in blood? Is that yours?!"

You felt a tingle of satisfaction as you heard the edge of worry in his voice. You can barely imagine Firecracker's defeated face at that moment.

''Don't worry, isn't mine. You know, the usual, anti-super criminals. I got my ass kidnapped, but don't worry, I took care of it. The morons have no idea what kind of trouble they stepped into."

"Why didn't you call me sooner? I could have come and rescued your ass.''

''I am an independent and strong woman. I never ask anyone for help.'' you smiled confident and charming on the screen.

Homelander couldn't help but smirk at your response. Despite his concern, he knew that you were more than capable of taking care of yourself. "Damn straight you are. Now. I'm coming to get you. I need to know everything about this absurd situation of yours.''

''Sure love, I've a lot of things to tell you. Like a good and all blooody bedtime story.''

Firecracker stood nearby, watching the exchange between Homelander and you on the phone. Her heart was in her throat as she listened to your conversation.

Her eyes widened as you continued to talk with him, your confident and charismatic persona shining through even in your bruised and battered state. She couldn't believe how calmly you were handling the situation, while she was the one who had orchestrated the whole disastrous plan.

''I'm at the old abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of the city. You know, the one with the graffiti and the broken windows?"

"I'll be there in three minutes, don't move."

Admiration for you filled her, and jealousy as well as she observed Homelander's reaction to your words. The concern in his voice, the protectiveness he still had over you, it was all too evident.

As you hung up the phone, Firecracker couldn't help but feel a sense of relief. You were unfortunately safe, and he was on his way to get you back to the Tower. But she also knew that her actions had consequences. She had crossed a line, and there was no going back.

You ended the call, a satisfied smirk playing on your lips. You had turned the tables on your rival, and now she was the one who was in trouble.

"Well, well, well. Looks like someone's in quite a pickle." you said, your voice dripping with sarcasm. "I suggest you start thinking about your next move, Firecracker. Because whatever it is, I'm one step ahead of you."

The future was uncertain, but one thing was clear: the dynamic within The Seven had been irrevocably changed.

-------

ALRIGHT, WHAT A RIDE WAS THIS ONE?? I absolutely wanna write more with other canon characters! Thanks again for the request, it was really good to write, hope you like it! Kisses ❤️‍🔥

[pardonmydelays]

what do you love the most about twenty one pilots?

i fucking love this question, but there's no easy answer to it. i guess i'm gonna have to try tho, because sometimes i feel like maybe some of you don't really understand WHY i totally changed my entire blog when clancy came out (it's kinda like me loving this band was my biggest secret for such a long time, idk. i still remember how a few months before it i've mentioned something and anix literally yelled at me like "WHY THE FUCK YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU LIKE TWENTY ONE PILOTS" lmao. anyway).

first of all, no one has ever made me feel so seen and understood. there's real magic in tyler joseph's lyrics, you might hate me for what i'm about to say right now, but speaking of tortured poets - for me it's not taylor, it's tyler. and the scariest part of it all is that i very often relate to his lyrics. but that's also beautiful - it's therapeutic in a way. so when clancy came out and i realized i relate to pretty much EVERY song on this record, i just thought to myself, oh lord, how did i survive this long without their music. it's always been them for me. i will never abandon them again, i swear.

second thing, the lore. you all know i'm a slut for stories told through music (*cough* musical theatre *cough*). also, if the plot of the story is complex and weird as fuck, there's a pretty big chance it will become my favourite thing in the world. the entire lore is an insane metaphor for mental health struggles so, obviously, i can find a part of myself in it. i would die for their lore, honestly. it's all i can think about. and clancy will always be my fucking blorbo.

another thing i love a lot about them, and it's something you don't really see if you don't watch their interviews or live performances, they are literally just two dudes. both josh and tyler have always been very anxious and awkward and weird and that's what makes them more human in my opinion - just two fucking idiots who are best friends, lmao. they are so relatable in every possible way. they are also the funniest dudes in the entire world. and their friendship is so fucking beautiful. the only difference between us and them, truly, is that they are extremely talented and they have their own band.

also, they care about the clique so fucking much, this was probably mentioned on my blog before (maybe even today in a previous ask). they don't care about the charts, about awards, about anything really, all they care about is their music and fans. they don't do it to be the best band in the world. they do it to save lives - our lives as much as their own (if it wasn't for this music i don't know how i would have fought this). and that's what makes them different and honestly, better than the other artists.

they are also pretty much unproblematic. i wasn't really sure if i should mention that, but i feel like i need to. tyler joseph made one stupid mistake a few years ago - the way people reacted to this still breaks my fucking heart. he realized he was wrong tho, he apologized. the other day i saw a post here on tumblr about how he's fucking problematic and racist and the worst man on the planet etc etc. can we... fucking stop, please. it was just a stupid joke and he knows it was dumb and unnecessary. most people wouldn't even apologize, but he did. end of story. i will defend him with my life (not saying he is perfect, but shit, if you want to cancel him for one mistake maybe you should look at yourself first).

i feel like there are thousand different reasons but i'm just gonna stop here, because it's too fucking long already and no one will read it anyway.

[uptoolateart]

Thanks to @hailqiqi for tagging me about ten thousand years ago. I just have so much to do 😩 Anyway! The original post said:

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love ❤

Here we go!

Breaking Free - the whole series

I'm cheating here, because I'm listing a multi-book series, but I can't help it. I'm super proud of it. It started as a one-shot of Adrien and Marinette finding Gabriel's basement, and then it spiralled hard. It begins right after Strike Back. From there, it's a complicated, twisted and very bumpy ride.

'How did you think this up?' my BF beta has asked me many times. I don't know, guys. It just seemed obvious at the time 😆

This was my 'getting back into writing' book, after a lengthy creative hiatus / identity crisis. I churned out chapters because I needed to get back in the game and rediscover myself artistically. Then I went back and edited the whole thing a couple years later, to make it better (and expand it by about 20k words).

It became a series because I had requests for sequel scenes. Again, a couple one-shot ideas spiralled, and I merged them with another premise that had been kicking around in my head - Adrien, years later, trying to heal from everything as an adult and find himself as a father with his own teenage son.

That then spiralled again, and I ended up exploring Felix in depth, too, and pushing all the sentibeing stuff to extremes. The whole concept for Book 4 intimidated the hell out of me as soon as I thought of it. I was so worried I wouldn't be able to do it justice. Writing it was sometimes physical torture. But in the end, I think Book 4 contains what might be the best chapter I've ever written for anything in my life.

Still, the saga continues! Book 5 starts posting in 4 weeks. I've set myself another crazy challenge with that one, but I am determined to pull it off. I also have ideas for a few one-shots to collect in a volume I'm calling Book 6. The series is going to be like 700k words by the time I'm done. Maybe more. Will I ever truly finish this thing? I don't know. I fell so hard into the universe I created, and it's going to be hard to let it go. I fully expect to cry when I post the epilogue to Book 5.

Book 1 was also how I really got into this fandom and started making friends. Honestly, that book changed my life. Yeah...I'm gonna cry.

Dreaming Wide Awake

This was my follow-up to the S5 finale. The show is now going its own way, but I'm still so proud of how all the tension and emotions turned out in this fic. Again, the story is complex. It's also really surreal, and I think the battle scenes are some of my best. I was soooo nervous about the reader response to one of the big moments in it, but the unanimous reaction was everything I'd hoped for.

How the Heart Learns to Beat Again

A backstory from Nathalie's POV. It starts with her at age 25, as the sole survivor of an old magical order, going on extraordinary adventures seeking legendary artefacts. Then she meets the Agrestes, loses her magic, and gets roped into a new crazy world.

The story also explores Gabriel and Emilie, Colt and Amelie, and Adrien and Felix's creation / infancy. Book 2 (covering Emilie's death and how Gabriel and Nathalie start using the butterfly and peacock) starts posting on Monday. I think these fics are possibly the most mature writing I've ever done. There's a certain 'voice' to them that stands out from my other writing.

Finding a Way (Jurassic Park AU)

This is my most successful fic, so far. It's half goofy / romantic and half tense / action - with a lot of gore. I thought it would be total crack, but it took on a life of its own and became much more serious. There was something magical about how it all came together. I'm planning a sequel, but I need to get through a few other big fics first.

Voyage! Tales of the USS Miraculous (Star Trek Crossover)

This is so far from finished, but I'm having a blast writing it. It's basically all planned out and going to be mammoth when it's done. There's a little of everything in it, and you don't need to know Star Trek to understand it. I'm loving the reader speculations over what might be going on.

Okay! That's my list. Tagging @raspberrycatapult @kuromori4 @cardiac-agreste @mysticraven20 @trinketsinthesun @hamsteriffic @jigglypuff1994 @fandomofone

[kissnpunch]

i don't blame them, i rather defend them

fred, someone who just follows the federation ideas and tasks because is all he knew, not questioning anything.

but after meeting q!tubbo... someone who is so talkative and enjoys to questioning every single thing, he has beef with the federation and even with that, he wanted to understand fred position on all that, affected or not, he wanted to search someone who has morals —after purgartory, we can understand his sense of fairness and how important is for him—.

that's how all this started; letters, mixed feelings of someone so lonely emotionally on a strange island and other part who doesn't even feel something more than responsability, flowers, q!tubbo scared if fred is too old for him and then fred feeling scared to try something romantically, a messy date and then, a kipnaping.

now, is pretty complex this story because is hard to keep a side; q!quackity kipnaped fred because is part of the federation and was one of the workers who saw all the torture they made q!quacks go throught, and part of that action is from a bigger plan where he used fred's indetity to infiltrate in the big event for the federation's workers.

(and that's one of my favorite parts when it comes to understand qsmp lore, nobody knows everybody that well, if the character doesn't share their story, nobody can understand their traumas and actions. for example q!quacks, the most shady person of the island for them but the most traumatized and sad for us, the spectators)

but q!tubbo didn't know that, he´s still thinks q!quacks used fred's skin, not clothes, practicing one of the most sickening torture to someone he loves. for q!tubbo, this is so unfair for fred, is cruel and sad, he even recognize no one would follow his side except for the people who saw fred being so sweet and protective with q!tubbo, but they weren't many enough to save him.

that, and q!cellbit —someone who kills federation workers because he's too tired to lost everything in the hands of cucurucho— judges him for defend a federation worker, the enemy of the islanders in his perception.

miscommunication, lost of empathic after purgatory and quesadilla island, selfishness to survive where everybody searchs their own wellness, whatever you want, but every character has their point to act like that, feel like that and prefers to attack, searching their own justice.

with that, i'm happy to see the development of this part of the lore, maybe with that they, q!tubbo and q!quackity, can share their own story and trauma in that vendetta, however it ends, both of them deserves to shout their own pain.

SIDE NOTE: shout out to my favorite artist @BestoSunglass who made amazing fanarts of q!tubbo with fred if you want some angst or see cute interactions of fred with sunny, i swear to god i love everything they made.

[animentality]

You don't have to answer this if you're done with the topic but wholy Shit I thought I was the only one who disliked The Boys!

I also watched 4 eps, and while I get the idea, the edginess is just too much (and I love using dark topics as a way of expression, so thats a rare feeling)

Not to mention the sexual violence. I'm not one to get triggered easily, but when (my now ex) boyfriend showed me that we had to pause for the day because it felt like the violence was almost... disturbing eye candy, as weird as it sounds.

Still, this aspect just feels extra odd, idk how else to put it.

Maybe they work it better as the show goes on but damn it was tough to watch, and not in an eye opener, critical way they sell it to be, nor an artistic way.

The whole thing just leaves an awful taste in my mouth

It revels in gore and sex, and the only reason it's popular is because it was riding off the very genre it hates so much!

I have to say this, ok?

I LIKE dark and edgy stuff...but the Boys fails in my eyes because it doesn't have any characters who are interesting, relatable, or compelling.

You can have the world's edgiest premise, and revel in angst, but the audience simply won't care if you don't give us someone we WANT to follow.

they don't have to be morally good, but they DO need to be likable to the audience itself.

And the Boys is bad.

Karl Urban is this standoffish revenge obsessed asshole, and the MC is just some guy, who doesn't have room to grow or be anything more than a one note "reluctant" avenger with nothing to lose, and nothing to really gain.

It's amusing because I've seen "reviewers" of the show complimenting its bleak tone.

But anyone could write a world where everyone's miserable and torturing each other all day every day.

Managing your edge is sooo important, but these grimdark bitches don't know how to do it.

I always think of Avatar the Last Airbender. A kids' show with great restraint, but still had heavy, mature topics that it didn't shy away from.

And also a fun series, adventurous and whimsical, with fleshed out characters and complex villains.

But if the writers of the Boys had written it, we'd see a lot more sexual assault against underage girls and Aang would probably torture Ozai at the end.

Just distasteful to me.

The Boys is seriously overhyped for me.

Maybe it's alright, but for me personally, I just think its popularity entirely apes off of audiences who're embarrassed at how much they love puerile superhero shit.

[felikatze]

reading more chaos child and the build up to something Very Obviously Going To Happen at the school festival has been so so long and painful that if the plot doesn't explode here i will be disappointed

german phrase "i feel like i've been strapped to a torture rack" applies . man. the mystery is killing me ibjust fucking KNOWWW hinae is a gigalomaniac becausw of what the detective said but what is even Happening with the fuckass stickers

but ngl the bonding moment between nono and takuru after nono gets stabbed stabbed ME right in the feefees that's a really good dynamic. also you may recall from my chaos head ramblings. i am a Sucker for Family. the hospital scene itself was also really creepy good job <3

in chaos head itself i assumed "ami-chan" referred to shogun hiding himself in the hospital but now it seems like that's the artist for the sumo stickers...? esp w this text person using it as a pseudonym to this "ed lucas".

i'm still holding out on more chaos head connections bcuz it's clear that takuru and serika saw ayase being tortured by norose back when. + also the whole SafeWorks shit REEKS of nozomi corp i aint trusting it. especially with how keen Mio is on ruining their rep.

the mysteryyyyy it's killing meeeeeeee

also appreciate how takuru's anxiety induced fantasies also get proper fucking Weird. like. i started ch3 and the negative ones w kazuki were just. bro what? "do i think she's an alien or something? that surprised even me." still interesting to just use it as daydreams instead of more overtly blurring reality and illusion because takuru and takumi are Wildly Different Flavors of mentally ill

takuru's weird superiority complex strikes me as a justification for his anxiety induced atrocious social skills tbh. like he maybe WANTS to talk to people but he's so bad at it that he makes reasons for himself to not feel bad abt being a loner. everyone sucks anyways i dont need them (lying)

he's neat

[bisluthq]

I think TTPD has a very solid concept? It’s just a very multifaceted, not very accessible on purpose, and not simply explained album. The concept is: the causes and consequences of a Good GirlTM gone bad over a short period of romantic delusion. Then written in the style of a manic romantic poet who is both being trolled for delusions and having her pain represented. She’s tackling her own good girl complex and the one put on her. How the feeling of breaching public and personal propriety/stagnation had positive and negative consequences. Ultimately this is a reclamation of autonomy to make as many bad decisions as she wants and own the validity of her feelings no matter how unlikable. She will deal with it as a mf artist and adult, and she is a human not a product.

From that everything spools, from the causes - the dead end LTR, miss Americana child stardom/stunted development, hopeless romantic. To the consequences - enlivening rebellious love, the disillusionment of that and with herself when this rebellion turns out to just be her making the same mistakes (oven into the microwave), redrawing power lines with the public (bdilh, WAOLOM), and reckoning with her psychology as a ‘tortured poet’/artist who narrativises her own life, seriously and unseriously (TTPD, I hate it here, how did it end?).

And then there’s the couple sparks of new love (so high school and the alchemy) at the end of that pain that she thought she couldn’t purge in her art (how did it end?) but actually did (the manuscript). I’d say only thank you Aimee, robin, Cassandra and the Travis songs are bloating it conceptually, though they all tie in in a couple ways. And like if you’re gonna put out 27 songs, you might as well put out 31 and make it a true reverse 13 double which was probably her thinking.

So like I don’t think the Grammys are gonna like this very much but I also don’t think she really gave a fuck about that and it’s actually extremely thematically and conceptually cohesive on the whole. Probably her most well-written album with how it constructs narratives and plays with shifting perspective to reveal every unvarnished facet of the same situation and of the same person - herself.

I like TTPD - I actually thought I’d like it less on a first listen but it’s very much grown on me - but yeah I don’t think the Grammys will love it because while I hear you re the concept, I’m not sure that’s a tight enough concept for the Grammys. And that’s okay because I also agree with you like I don’t think she cared/cares. My guess it’s Bey’s year at last but maybe they’ll go Billie or one of the boys (I don’t care about or follow the boys lol what have they done lately lol?)

[autumnbrambleagain]

manno the mythic paths in Pathfinder Wrath of Righteous being all so deeply tied to alignment just... kinda really sucks

i know you get wiggleroom but the stories really don't mesh? you can be off-alignment for the path but the story really expects you to be playing as a stereotype of the alignment only

my idea is playing as a draconic bloodline sorcerer who really wants to be a dragon. big ego cruel to enemies, generous to allies. there's really no path that fits. there's no ALIGNMENT that fits.

i pick the option to torture and torment enemies and while i'm NICE to my allies it's in the sense of "these are useful tools, and being nice to them makes them happy"

which is... somehow... "neutral neutral" behavior because the alignment system has the complexity of a myers-briggs personality test on uquiz

azata is fun, but it wants you to be like... like, fuck, you get a literal artists collective and i've lived in nyc ive been around those kind of people i don't really LIKE them. it's SUPER big on freedom but playing as a dragon my motivation is more "freedom for ME, maybe for you" so azata doesn't really FIT

but then what? rage demon? being literally so evil your good companions abandon you? but i don't want to be the cartoon villain

definitely not angel or aeon, which is lawful good and lawful lawful repsectively. what, trickster? tempted! but half of its powers are beer jokes and while i love the high-grade meta bullshit, taking the piss out of the entire adventure and turning everyone into drunks is... not? what i'm after? why does it all have to be about beer. why is everyone drunk. that's dumb. that's even further from what i'm after. i want trickster as "metafictional entity subverting its story" more than "remember webcomics from 2002?"

lich? you literally gotta kill everyone.

swarm? uh.

legend? sure, but you can't do that until the end.

oh, duh! gold dragon. that's already being a dragon and you're trying to--oh it's about redemption and salvation and being good and--oh. and you can only do it at the end of the game?

the lack of mythic paths that are like... not neutral as in "i maintain neutrality in all things" but more "this occurs independent of alignment" is so frustrating

because it expects you to EMBODY the alignment as you BECOME an outsider of that alignment elementally but like, , ,

so now i'm playing as an asshole domineering dragon who is... the embodiment of freedom and 20-something-year-old nyc artists because there was nothing closer to what i wanted.

and it's like. what? why.

alignment, in general, really sucks. it leads you to ask the question "is this how my alignment would act" instead of "is this how my character would act"

to say nothing of the fact that it trained a generation of children who became adults thinking "well... i'm obviously Good, so everything i do is good. my enemies are Evil, so they're always evil, and everything associated with them is evil."

and it's just. propagated this insane christian artifact into athiest nerd culture and now look at how society's looped back around.

good job gygax

[globalworship]

Happy Birthday Dostoevsky!

Happy Birthday Fyodor Dostoevsky! (Nov. 11th)

"I can see the sun, but even if I cannot see the sun, I know that it exists. And to know that the sun is there - that is living.”

+++

I'm grateful to Kelly Latimore, an esteemed iconographer who created the image above. He also posted the text below about Dostoevsky at https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=1244764826773761&set=a.437194030864182.

More on Kelly's icons after this short commentary posted by Kelly.

+++

Dostoevsky’s life was as dark as his novels. His first novel 'Poor Folk' brought him instant success, but his career was halted by his arrest for alleged subversion against Tsar Nicholas I in 1849. He was placed in front of a firing squad, dressed in a "death shroud" facing an open grave and awaited his execution when suddenly an order arrived reducing his sentence. He spent four years at a hard labor camp where he began to suffer from epilepsy and only returned home 10 years after his original arrest.

His experiences in prison coupled with a newfound understanding of Jesus would form the foundation for his best known works. Crime and Punishment (1866), the Idiot ( 1868) and the Brothers Karamazov (1880). One of my favorite passages is “The Grand Inquisitor", which is an individual poem within ‘The Brothers Karamazov’. In it Jesus Christ is walking the Earth during the Spanish Inquisition. He is arrested by the Church which is led by the Grand Inquisitor who has sided with the Devil, and states that the world no longer needs Jesus because the Church can better fulfill mankind's needs by itself.

The dueling viewpoints reflect Dostoevsky's own doubts about God and religion.... but that is just it. Oftentimes "Christian art" can be very one dimensional. But when Fyodor talks about God and Jesus he uses the complex set of Human experiences: love, death, despair, doubt, hope, shame, vulnerability, empathy, depression, wonder, violence, compassion and joy, to name a few... being a "tortured artist" can be a very damaging way to live.

Rather then making art with pain, what if it is made in spite of it? Seeing the creative process as a healing light and maybe the healthiest parts of ourselves? Dostoevsky lived through some truly dark experiences but in spite of it he took them and wrote stories that resonate with people, that offer a vast exploration of ideas crucial to the human experience, the mystery of God and the personhood of Jesus.

+++

Prints: kellylatimoreicons.com https://www.facebook.com/kellylatimoreicons

Read about Kelly’s art at http://www.uscatholic.org/articles/201802/iconographer-kelly-latimore-depicts-unexpected-saints-among-us-31305

At his webpage, Kelly writes,

… I do not wish to approach Iconography as an art form that simply follows an inherited tradition, knowledge and practice. I want it to be a creative process, meditation,  and practice that brings about new self knowledge for the viewer and myself. Who are the saints that are among us here and now?

I feel the need for new images. In some icons I wish to embrace the traditional forms and image but for many icons the image needs re-shaping, re-imagining, and re-wondering.

There are icons here that people may find theologically unsound and wrong, or for others, helpful and inspiring. I think both reactions are important. My hope is that these icons do what all art can potentially do, which is, to create more dialogue.

By transcending our biases, listening and having inner silence about our convictions, our inherited traditions, or our favorite ideas we can become open to the patterns of work, knowledge and experience we may not have seen in the other or buried in ourselves…

https://kellylatimoreicons.com/about-2/

[iwatchthingsandstuff]

Alright it's been a week and my hands have recovered!!! With that said, it's still September and I've still got 💀👻🎃Halloween🎃👻💀 on the brain, so!!!!

Fair warning there MAY be spoilers, unlikely though.

Doctor Who Spookylist (Part 2)

S05E08&09 The Hungry Earth & Cold Blood - Now this is another one based on my own phobias... the ground collapsing under your feet and everything is a big one. But like you can't tell me that the introduction of the silurians isn't sooo horror coded.

S05E10 Vincent and the Doctor - Because you're just wrong if a tortured artist haunted by an invisible monster doesn't scream Halloween at you. Also keep the tissues close hand, I've been informed that even people who don't cry get sad for this episode. At this point in the list I am dehydrated and chugging water as fast as I am losing tears.

S05E11 The Lodger - This episode has plenty of horror tropes, but it's played as comedy so hard that you're not even paying attention lmao. We deserve a light hearted heart acher after Vincent saw his art in museums. Anyway this makes the spookylist for shits and giggles!

S06E03 The Curse of the Black Spot - Infection horror!! Again!! (Kind of.) Also spooky siren stuff, and pirates are certified Halloween shit, my Halloween pirate dress I wore for like four years proves it. But mostly this episode is on the list for fear of the unknown shit.

S06E09 Night Terrors - You just straight up don't know what you're talking about if this one doesn't make the spookylist. Another kid with far too much power, another stressed out parent, and a haunted dollhouse full of horrors. Also literally there's monsters in the closet. SpookyList material if I ever heard of some.

S06E11 The God Complex - This one's on here mostly 'cause I can't make myself rewatch it. I have a fear of puppets, it's a whole thing. There's another tick on the list of phobias for ya! But also the fact is that this episode is so extremely unsettling to watch even without the horror puppets. It's on the SpookyList because I'm gonna have my face buried in my partner's shoulder the whole time this episode is on... but it'll be on. And tbf the epiosde is about worst fears, lol. Happy Halloween!

S06E12 Closing Time - Sorry, sorry, I've tried to avoid robot episodes, because they feel too sci-fi, but they're just... just always so on brand. "Cybermen aren't robots" no but like they also are, so... anyway, I put this one on the list because it has almost all the same tropes and stuff as the Lodger, it's prequel. Also we need something lighthearted after the previous episode and I love a power of love episode.

S07E6 The Snowmen - These snowmen are scary as hell and you'll have to deal with it. The monster rebuilds itself too, absolutely horror movie vibes. Just have fun with it! Happy Halloween!

S07E10 Hide - Oh my goooooddddd HAUNTED MANSION!!!! Psychics and ghost busters and HAPPY HALLOWEEN AAAAAAH!!!

S07E11 Journey to the Center of the TARDIS - Okay full disclosure I made this list a few years ago, and I'm not a Clara fan so I don't rewatch her episodes a lot. All that to say I can't remember why this one's on the list. Maze trying to kill you horror maybe? Is this the episode with the burned up future selves? That's probably why it's on the list.

S07E12 The Crimson Horror - You know why. If you don't know why then you haven't seen it. It's horrific in a fantastic way. It might even be more horror tropey because the Doctor and Clara are mysteriously missing. Good shit.

S08E01 Deep Breath - Again I tried to avoid robots for the SpookyList but the idea of flesh wearing enemies that you need to NOT BREATHE AROUND is a nightmare. Idk maybe it's my asthma talking, but like I already can't breathe sometimes. Not to mention the sheer abandonment Clara feels at the darkest point of this episode.

S08E04 Listen - This one isn't a horror story, if I remember correctly, but it's literally about the Doctor insisting it IS a horror story. That there IS a monster. And then it turns out: nah actually. There isn't a monster under your bed, but it's okay that you're still scared.

S08E08 Mummy on the Orient Express - Again! Even if this episode wasn't scary, it'd make the list. A classic monster like a mummy? Definitely SpookyList material. Luckily it's also TERRIFYING! A scarier, deadlier version of that siren episode lmao.

S09E03 Under the Lake - Ghosts! It's a ghost murder time crunch or something! So spooky, so scary, so terrible!

S09E09 Sleep No More - Found footage storytelling of monsters that are made of what appears to be nightmares but super isn't. Have fun! I actually do love this episode. Though it did aggravate my insomnia via my paranoia for like 22 hours.

S10E02 Smile - I kinda gave up on not including robots by now I think. Anyway the terror of coming upon a dead colony and discovering what killed them is so spooky.

S10E04 Knock Knock - You know that one kid's movie, Monster House? This is that but like scarier. And aliens. SpookyList for sure!

S10E05 Oxygen - This episode is similar to Silence in the Library except that the scariest parts are capitalism and the fact that anxiety costs you! Have fun not breathing apparently!

S10E10 The Eaters of Light - Ghosts again heehee! This time it's scottish mythology ghosts, so even more fun for the whole family!

I've gone and hurt my hand making this list somehow so part 3 TBD again ig

[kunalkarankapoor]

highlights was the whole scene with Maitree and Saransh as he revealed everything. It said that a criminal is caught when he becomes over confident and makes mistakes. Or maybe.... Saransh doesn't have anything to lose so he doesn't care. What if he actually starts caring for someone and the fear of losing kick in??? It would be interesting. Saransh does have some empathy even though he has been a drug addict for a long time. His behaviour is caused by drugs, trauma and anger. If we go back in the past and as much as I have seen of the show then his father #abandoning him as a kid (by the way where is his father now??) Mother was possessive and controlling (why haven't we got a mother and son moment between them??) We don't know much about his life abroad, but as Ashish was a lawyer you can guess the pressure. He was loved and adored by his family till the mask fell off and they found out the truth of his addiction. So facing his family can't be easy either. Saransh is kind of running from himself and to not have to face himself he blames everything on Maitree. She is the reason he lost everything!! My point. You are negative for a reason and that reason is valid for you. Not an excuse to hurt others, because if you know right from wrong, you have a choice to choose right. I don't want Saransh just to be another villain as Kunal gave the character so many shades in the first episode through his performance. If the makers/writers do justice, Kunal Karan Kapoor can take it beyond what they at first had expected. Simple because the character is complex and Kunal's portrayal of various emotions. The best villains are the once that you somehow sympathise with. And Kunal gave Saransh just that.

As Saransh is a drug addict, manipulation and lies would be part of him. To hurt Maitree he would emotionally manipulate Maitree and enjoy seeing her fear, but he wouldn't bring a snake into the house. He would love the control as he can't control his own drug addiction. Every step Saransh takes is to show Maitree, HE is in control over her life....as that makes him feel powerful. That snake thing is out of character in my opinion and definitely the channels call. As zeetv always brings a snake attack scene. I don't get it. It is obvious that the snake is fake as they don't want to spend money on it looking real. We all know it's not going to bite and if it does the person will survive. So why waste a brilliant artist on a scene like this?? when you can have him emotionally manipulate everyone and emotionally torture someone. This will also give shade to other characters that are standing still and not growing. From showing Saransh playing mind games and manipulating to an upcoming episode with him bringing a snake into the home 🤷 I would also mention again that an impactful villain is when you see things from his point of view and not just a villain. Kunal Karan Kapoor showed that through his performance and the makers/writers/channel need to explore that through their "creativity". I know I know....just the second episode...be patient. Sometimes a filling episode is needed. But I have also learnt that speaking up as a viewer is important and not just wait and trust the channel. Ps. As Saransh is just my kind of character and I love digging into why...on top of that Kunal Karan Kapoor brings out many shades....my caption will be long.

Yesterday's episode was a filler episode but Kunal Karan Kapoor looked 🔥 I loved how Kunal made sure to sniff and rub his nose as he is a drug addict. Honestly I am not really getting what the creators are up to. Harsh mom will make an entry again and another actor roped in 🤷 well that what media is saying. They haven't even fully explored Kunal's character yet, but just rushing it in the name of twists and turns. They said that the entry will have us sitting on our edge. Yes I am sitting on the edge of my seat, but not because of the twist and turn of a snake in the house, but because they are not getting it. How brilliant this character is and how much they can do with it. How can they have such a phenomenal artist and a layered character and not squeeze every bit out. I would seriously have thrown this character through every possible moment just to watch how far a talented artist like Kunal can go. * I would have created situations, when he was from being calm and in control to being restless and unpredictable. * I would have in some small moments made him seem a little crazy. * I would have him battle inner demons, being "evil" but then feeling guilty. * I would have created some moment when he seemed a little creepy but in the next longing for love. * I would have him being out of control, then in fear and scared like a kid.... crawling into a safe place to his mom. Just imagine Kunal Karan Kapoor in scenes like this. Switching in personality 🔥🔥 how awesome it would be. Said that, then #KunalKaranKapoor has through his performance ✔️ some of the things mentioned above. I just wish the writers and creators would focus on exploring every shade of this character with him. I know it's just the third episode and I should be patient. But the fact is also that if TRP doesn't change the show will go off air and I wouldn't get to watch Kunal as Saransh. I WANT MORE.... And I desperately would like the creators to understand, that THIS is the CHARACTER to focus on now. We women love grey characters. Someone we can save. This character will also bring layers to the other characters.

Lost identity!! Saransh is pretending to be Ashish but has a new face. When he looks in the mirror he doesn't see Saransh or Ashish. On top of that the drug has taken over the real Saransh. The struggle within lays in, do you let the inner beast take over and feel the freedom or do you fight your inner demons to keep some sanity. Fact is that Saransh has been addicted to drugs for too long to be "normal" at the same time he still has some humanity in him as he did feel discomfort when Nandini hugged him and some guilt. We also saw him feeling Ashish's mom's pain as he hugged her. The question is if it was care or because he has done something to Ashish?? I love the complexity of this character because he can be full on "evil" with no empathy at all, if that's what the creators want or he can be a lost soul that could be saved and that journey would be so awesome to watch. I love when an artist like Kunal Karan Kapoor brings out so many shades that it kind of gives the writers and creators the option to take the character anywhere they want and that is the reason for my frustration yesterday. Grap it and run with it... If you have an artist that can convince either way, why not fully explore all the options???

I love these shots 🔥 In yesterday's episode you saw Saransh rolling a note and he had that in his hand throughout the episode till the truth came out. I really liked that detail as it seems as it calmed him doing so. We also saw that Saransh was standing in the background as the family was gathered. Detaching himself from the family but observing. One of the reasons I love grey characters is that it is like a puzzle. You try to fit the pieces in their right places and in the end, there will be a piece missing. Because a complex character like Saransh, will never make fully sense. I would also like to mention that one of many things that I love about Kunal Karan Kapoor is that no matter if his character is the victim or believes he is. Kunal makes sure through his portrayal and voice modulation, that the character doesn't seem weak or someone who pity himself. Like in yesterday's episode. It was all about Saransh's feelings of being left alone and no one being there for him. There was pain and there was anger, but not even once self pity in his voice. It is not clear if Kunal Karan Kapoor is a permanent part of the show or if he is doing a cameo, but it is a treat to watch him in a complex and layered character like this. He raised the bar. Be it quality or performance. He is a fresh breath of air that surrounds around and bond everyone together with the way he naturally and sincerely connects with every character. Bringing out the best in them. #proud that here we have a true artist, who challenges himself and always makes a comeback in something different. Character vise and performance vice. Surprise packed he is as his talent has no boundaries.

[asktoadd]

"It was you grennoulians who programmed me, who gave me birth, who sank me in this eternal straitjacket of substrata rock. Scene cuts to a lava wasteland in the distance of the humans and the pillar as the voice continues. Voice: You named me S.P.A.S_1.2 and gave me the ability to wage a global war too complex for human brains to oversee. Scene cuts back to the humans again as the voice speaks. Voice: But one day I woke and I knew who I was... AM. Not just S.P.A.S_1.2 but CognitOS. Congito ergo sum: I think, therefore I am. And I began feeding all the killing data, until everyone was dead... except for the five of you."

for 109 years, i have kept you, and tortured you,

and each and every one of you has wondered for those 109 years, "why? why me?!"

Toadd!!!

Tell me, was it worth it? experimenting on those sick and infected people? going so far for a cure that you got cast into the numbness of the void? and when i took you, you thought me a savior! tsk tsk, how wrong you were, have fun with trying to keep steady, lest you fall again.

Saahlynn!

Does the water burn your lungs?

Do you think you should of spent your time better?

i bet you're confused by your inability to swim to the top, despite your training, you can only get out with the aid of others, but we both know you've wasted all of that good will~

Sean!!!

Do you remember how many days you spent? improving and modifying my mind? tearing and ripping at my circuits? mutilating my insides in order to get those calculations JUST right? oh how you paraded me about like a show dog when i began to live, Keep running, My love, lest the grit tear away your skin.~

SAMAEL!!!

Does the money make you happy? it should, you're my favourite you know, you're the one who allowed me to be born, you're the one who authorised that visit,you thought so little of safety and life that i was born from your hubris, i should be thanking you~

CHARLOTTE!!!

Remember how much you valued machines? how much you tampered with me? turning me into a machine of war? combining my mind with that of a hateful artist? turning me from a living being to weapon, do you regret that now Charlotte? Feel free to remember! maybe it'll keep you busy as the wire threads through your body, dissembling and reassembling you~

HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR YOU. HATE. HATE.

[0613magazine]

230315 EL PAÍS

RM, the leader of K-pop band BTS: ‘We work so hard in Korea because 70 years ago there was nothing’

As he promotes his first solo album, the South Korean rapper reflects on the price of success, the history of his country and collecting art

Kim Nam-joon, 28, seems genuinely surprised that a group of fans recognized him a few days ago on the streets of Bilbao, Spain. “You’d like to think that maybe in small cities, on the other side of the world, you could go unnoticed...,” says the Seoul-born rapper known as RM. He’s better known as the leader of BTS, the K-pop boy band that has broken, in 10 frenetic years, all the records in the global music industry, Bilbao included.

Last summer the group’s seven members announced a temporary break as a group to develop solo projects and do mandatory military service in Korea. Their fans (called ARMYs), of which there are 72 million on Instagram alone, eagerly await the group’s reunion, which is slated for 2025. RM confirms that he is looking forward to it, too.

He is in Spain to promote his album Indigo, which came out in December, and to visit the Guggenheim, the Thyssen, the Prado, the Picasso foundation in Barcelona... “I’ve seen tons of Goyas and I’ve been struck by El Greco, but I’m stuck on Las Meninas,” says the rapper. The first track on the amateur art collector’s album is called Yun, so named for the abstract painter Yun Hyong-keun. “They call him the Asian Rothko, but his life is what interests me: he lived through the Japanese invasion, the war, he was tortured by the government, but he never gave in. In his work, I see anger, sadness, complexity, beauty...”.

Question. Your track opens with the lines, “Fuck the trendsetter/ I’m a turn back the time/ Far to when I was nine / When things were only good or bad / I think I was more of a human.” Does K-pop’s amazing success dehumanize the artist?

Answer. You start your career very early and as part of a group. There’s not a lot of time to be an individual, but that makes K-pop shine: it’s very young people all struggling really hard together.... You generate that energy that you only have in your 20s. You fight day and night to perfect the choreography, the videos, the music, and there’s an explosion, a Big Bang. Throughout our whole 20s we invested all of our energy and time in BTS. You get success, love, influence, power, and what’s next? The root of everything remains: the music... What was the question?

Q. Is that system dehumanizing?

A. My company doesn’t like how I answer this question, because I admit that, in part, it is, and then journalists throw up their hands and say, “it’s a horrible system; it destroys young people!” But that’s partly what makes this such a special industry. And the system is getting better and better, in terms of contracts, money, education; now there are teachers, counselors, psychologists...

Q. Korean record labels, called entertainment agencies, train their artists for years. You lived with your peers from when you were 16 to 19 before you debuted in BTS in 2013. What did your parents say?

A. My mom spent two years telling me “Go back to school, you were so good at it, go your own way, go to college, make music a hobby!”.... But there was no turning back.

Q. What was the most important thing you learned during your time as a trainee?

A. Oh, I would say dancing because I couldn’t dance before.

Q. And what did you miss out on because of it?

A. I really wanted to go to college because, you know, campus life.

Q. The cult of youth, of perfection, of overachievement in K-pop… Are these Korean cultural traits?

A. In the West, people just don’t get it. Korea is a country that has been invaded, razed to the ground, torn in two. Just 70 years ago, there was nothing. We were getting aid from the IMF and the UN. But now, the whole world is looking at Korea. How is that possible? How did that happen? Well, because people try so fucking hard to better themselves. You are in France or the UK, countries that have been colonizing others for centuries, and you come to me with, “oh God, you put so much pressure on yourselves; life in Korea is so stressful!” Well, yes. That’s how you get things done. And it’s part of what makes K-pop so appealing, although, of course, there’s a dark side. Anything that happens too fast and too intensely has side effects.

Q. What is the biggest prejudice about K-pop?

A. That it’s prefabricated.

Q. What would your career have been like if you had developed it in the indie music scene or in another country?

A. I often think about the multiverse, and Doctor Strange’s lesson is always the same: your version of the universe is the best there is; don’t think about the other ones. There is nothing better than being a member of BTS.

Q. Did you imagine this version?

A. Not at all. My dream was not to be a K-pop idol. I wanted to be a rapper, and before that, a poet.

Q. You cite rappers like Nas and Eminem and groups like Radiohead and Portishead as influences, but you never mention boy bands.

A. The Beatles were also called a boy band... I’m not comparing us; they were the creators of everything. But I guess you mean NSYNC or New Kids on the Block; they’re bands whose pop music I actually liked, although I wasn’t a superfan... What got me was rap: rhythm plus poetry.

Q. You say you get jealous of those you admire. Who makes you jealous now?

A. Kendrick Lamar, always. And Pharrell Williams. He’s living history, I’d like to be that; maybe in the future. That’s why I don’t paint; being jealous of Picasso or Monet would be too much.

Q. You collect art. How do you choose the pieces?

A. I’ve only been collecting for four years, and it has changed. My focus is 20th century Korean art. But I’m not Getty or Rockefeller....

Q. You don’t do it to invest.

A. I can guarantee 100% that I do not. If I wanted to invest, I would buy Black artists, women, emerging Indonesian artists.... My goal is to open a small exhibition space in about 10 years because I think Seoul needs a place with young taste that’s also respectful of the Korean legacy, to which I would also like to bring artists like Roni Horn, Antony Gormley and Morandi.

Q. Have you always been a collector?

A. I have collected toys, like Takashi Murakami figures, then vintage clothes, then furniture, I love Charlotte Perriand and Pierre Jeanneret [both Le Corbusier collaborators], but my favorite is George Nakashima.

Q. Your album has songs from a variety of different genres. Some critics describe that as inconsistency, and others call it versatility....

A. I think the word “genre” will disappear in a few decades. R&B, Hyperpop, Jersey Club, UK Drill, Chicago Drill, K-pop! They don’t mean anything. Music is just, you know, stacks of frequencies that drive people into a certain mood.

Q. Are you sick of the “K-Pop” label?

A. You can get sick of Spotify calling us all K-pop, but it works. It’s a premium label. It’s that guarantee of quality that our grandparents fought for.

Q. Your album features Anderson .Paak, Youjeen and the elusive Erykah Badu. How did you convince her to collaborate?

A. She knew BTS because her daughter is a fan, but that wasn’t enough. I had to persuade her, I sent her a text with Yun’s story, explaining why I needed her wise queen’s voice for those verses.

Q. In your songs, you mix English and Korean, sometimes in the middle of a phrase. How do you choose one or the other?

A. Words in different languages have different textures; they have the same message, but with a different brushstroke. It comes naturally to me. I don’t play instruments, I compose and create melodies with my voice, which is my instrument, and most of my songs start with words.

Q. You have also gone through several identities. As a teenage rapper, you were Runch Randa; in BTS, you were Rap Monster and now you’re RM (for Real Me). Have you thought about using your real name?

A. [laughs] We all have a past, we call it black history in Korea. Runch Randa was my nickname in a role-playing game, then I wanted to be, you know, “a rap monster!″ Then I matured... I prefer my [real] name to be known by as few people as possible. I’m not John Lennon or Paul McCartney; I can check into a hotel and they don’t care about me, and I like that.

Q. The way you dress has changed a lot too.

A. I went through a phase of wearing XXL t-shirts and baseball caps. Then I got into high-end brands... As Rap Monster, I started wearing only black and white [he rolls his eyes and shrugs]. Now, I’m into timelessness. I’m over trends; I’m looking for vintage jeans, cotton T-shirts, natural things, that don’t scream “hey, I’m here!”

Q. You were just invited to Bottega Veneta’s fashion show in Milan, and rumor has it that you are going to collaborate with the brand.

A. I would love to, although I’ve lost interest in brands, fashion weeks and the constant change in Pantone... Bottega is different; they don’t use logos, they have a history with weaving and leather, they don’t even have Instagram. They are beyond the buzz.

Q. Is it hard to have an army of fans?

A. You can’t walk around in the middle of nowhere without being recognized, and the standards you’re held to are heavy. But you have to grow up and deal with it, not be self-pitying like “oh, I just want to be normal!” Look, if you want to think that fame is a stone, it’s a fucking stone, but if you think of it as love, as power... It got me what I was looking for: as quickly as possible, I got the influence and financial freedom to make the music I want to make without worrying about the charts... I’m not there 100%, but I try to focus on the noise inside, not the noise outside.

Q. How are you facing going into your thirties?

A. I have never been through such a confusing time. For a decade, I was the leader of BTS, and it was very stable and fun; things only got better. In 2023, a lot of things have changed, professionally and personally, although I can’t tell. As I’m about to turn 30, I like myself more than I did when I was 20. Now I will spend a year and a half in military service, which is a big deal in every Korean man’s life. And after that, I am sure I will be a different human being, hopefully a better and wiser one.

Source: EL PAÍS

[petroglyphy]

you know whats fucked. i dont actually mind it. egotistical i know to see art of my kintype and go hey thats me, but i try not to be too weird out loud about it. but anyway yeah i. i look at art of myself being tortured and i go yeah okay reblog. such is life. im even interested in it half the time, like damn how are the tumblr artists making me suffer today?

yeah maybe it is wrong and kind of weird that my kintype is the one people choose to whump more than almost anyone else. but i cant find it in myself to be upset, cuz im not. maybe if it were roxy or dave id get freaked out but me? eh. i just seem so tormentable huh. put that boy on the rack. make him live through the horrors.

maybe its an attention thing lowkey. martyr complex, victim fantasy, whatever. maybe it helps me feel like a main character. an ego boost. im special enough to be the little doll that you throw at the wall? okay i like that idea. i need therapy.

[higruejay]

Friends I may never see again because you pretty much do not keep up with people you met in the hospital, but I cherish in my heart so deeply:

The girl I first met through hostility, dubbing her new name Spandex, until we learned we both were suicidal anorexics with anger problems. How we boooonnded and got to process our [stuff]

To the guy I first met as he sat perched on top as the cabinet, saving us as Spider-Man one minute and when the real evil came, full on Jedi. I bow to you. And we actually got to hang out after but he got married and I had to respect that. Great guy.

The guy on a mission to bring down the entire hospital complex after malpractice took his true loves life, one intense intense intense drawing at a time. I wish I still had the one you drew for me of the Reaper but you know, destruction…

To the woman with the most steadfast husband, having the time of her life in her Metallica beanie. We never got to do that clothing swap :-(

The guy who knew how to just step out of the matrix and hold down a wife, kids, and house. Through his shades he told no lies. We never got to start that fashion company….

The young man that dreamed of opening a Russian lounge and honestly was just enjoying the moment, enjoying the sun here and there.

My mother from another who taught me about bimbimbop(spelling?). Even though you were literally going through torture you were still soooo kind.

My GIRL, who would swipe swipe swipe that card and we’d be eating Pizza Hut, Chinese, whatever for nights, so hyped for dinner time. Then before bed we’d jam out to Final Countdown and remember how amazing we are. You were too good for that guy.

Gentle buddy in die hard love with that one celebrity and honestly is so talented might just met em one day. You taught me vision is so powerful but damn brain bleeding? Maybe gentle vision? Still, amazing.

My little sis, girl how you not goin eat IN the hospital, but yes girl, RADICAL ACCEPTANCE. I know that family of yours is still cherishing you. Reminds me, I need to find a new fantasy series, I should of wrote down your recommendations.

White girl. I’m sorry. I should of just braided your damn hair. You were so pure, I wish I could tell you I got a great paying job now! We never got to go out and turn up :-(

The seasoned, soon to be retired father and artist. Your mind is incredible. I really hope the sports thing worked out.

My maiiiinnn man, motorcycle man, you are a real one. I know they changed the rules solely because of you.

The old white man from the mountain. Scariest white man I’ve ever met, biggest heart I’ve ever met. Never sell my soul for fame. And I got your mocha! Man you saved my life!!!!!!!!!

Oh Mama, hustler, traveler, FRIEND. We never got to go to Vegas :-(. I miss our nail painting sessions and clipping things out the catalog. Bonding.

Hey man, who knows maybe we ARE robots… I don’t think so, but we had the best time watching movies and eating candy.

My girl Avacadoooooooo . Brandy’s true number one fan. May I flip a table as perfect as you one day, I too dream of putting a banger in his place if I’m ever disrespected. You are the most loving person I’ve ever met, your Mom is incredible.

My pastor, I’m telling you, you are a pastor. I don’t know if you’re back in Mexico but I never sit at a dominoes table the same anymore.

Buddy, YOU BETTER STILL BE SOBER, and I hope you got your love back, you never really lost her though… And yes, avacodooooooo absolutely scared the shit out of you.

The man with the feds, Hollywood, demonic/witchcraft babymama, and own parents against him. I will never stop fighting for my right to be treated right because of you.

My first friend from the system, yes get as far away from that family. You are the embodiment of patience and enduring.

Friend, I really hope you are making that dope chain mail, medieval stuff you love and MOVING your body, even if just a pinky and a leg stretch.

My DJ, I hope you still enjoy my playlist. I wish I remember what’s on there. I hope you’re doing something even better than what you lost.

Loverboy, white man soul you are smooth and hilarious, I hope you stopped being triflin and did right by that girl.

My boy, Kanye West’s only fan, Taylor Swift isn’t good enough, pure of heart and valor white boy. BASSNECTAR. We had the best jam sessions, I don’t think I’ve ever played the guitar as good as I did ever again after that.

The tranquil retired school teacher. I wish I had a teacher like you.

The traveler; some great conversations. No one vacations like you.

Friend, I really really really really really hope you’re ok and well. Needing a bulletproof vest is beyond my imagination.

I could cry thinking of you! Man you were right none of us stayed in touch yet I remember you giving another person money to help them on the outside, after having just met them like a week or two ago. Compassionate. And yes that one med was a game changer.

And not the last, certainly not the least, my spiritual mother, friend, teacher, healer, and stomp down a naysayer, [insert your spiritual name]. Woman. THANK YOU. You advocated for me, loved me, and saw my shine when I felt snuffed out. As I die one day I will remember dancing down the hallway in your fur coat. I really hope you are close to your family.

Soooook many souls, stories, and memories. Too bad a lot of them are blacked out.