#it's just like. i have this clip where they are side by side on the bench and david is exhausted lmao

[1800titz]

HI :D Part one of spanko!Harry (from patreon) based on THIS teaser

The one where Y/N and Harry are neighbors in an apartment complex, he's got a bunny called Snuggles, he makes softcore porn spanking people (it's a REALLY LOUD HOBBY), and Y/N has definitely called the police for a domestic disturbance next door.

WC: 2.3K

This is part one of a patreon exclusive series — the rest will only be accessible through my patreon. You can already find part 2 up on my patreon (✿◠‿◠)

There’s an axiom to Harry, every time she notes him in glimpses— recherché sightings like dolphins in a boat off-coast; smooth skin clad over bulging sinew, flecked with droplets when he climbs out on the other end of the pool. A fugacious silhouette in an elevator with downcast eyes, sorting envelopes, brows crinkled—

Now, at her door frame with a package wrapped in tan parchment. He cups it in one massive hand.

It’s an ironclad veracity that he wears in the breadth of his shoulders, the straight whites of his teeth.

He’s handsome. Irrefutably. Clean skin with a clean-shaven jaw. A full, pink mouth with corners that cave (a polite, flimsy proxy— but it’s enough for a dint to work into the smooth flesh beside the close-lipped smile he offers). 

(Niceties with neighbors you don’t know too well). 

“Hey. Think they swapped our mail again.”

His curls are wet, like he’s just hopped out of the shower. The coiling just about molds the silhouette of a cherubic halo. One end, tufting over his ear, kisses at the crest of a cheekbone. 

Her noisy neighbor is, to her dismay, brassbound as the walking epitome of boy next door.

Man next door.

A facsimile of a grin draws tight across her lips. Y/N takes the outstretched offering. 

It’s a pity that she had to call the police to his unit (for potential domestic violence, no less) a couple weeks ago, and it makes her gums itch. 

Y/N likes her complex.

Thirteen floors, a nice, neat lobby with tile so sleek she can pore down at her reflection over the toes of her shoes, a swimming pool, in the shape of a lopsided C, with a slate-mounted cataract. 

The walls between the units are abysmally flimsy. 

Excavated. Hollowed gypsum when she raps her knuckles over random nooks (and Y/N has, shuffled margin by margin and pressed her ear to the sheetrock maniacally for confirmation, knocking wall to wall— it’s all fucking thin).

And it wouldn’t be as much of an issue if her neighbor wasn’t so fucking loud.  

And he is. Loud. Barreling into the wafer-thin drywall behind her wrought iron headboard when the sky spits a tangerine dusk that thaws into black behind her blinds (hardly a considerate hour). 

He fucks loud, and he fucks a lot. Muzzled moans— like vulgar murmurs, strangled underwater, behind the plexiglass of the shitty sheetrock partitioning their units— seep behind her skull and make her temples ache. 

Forget elephants. He’s a bear scraping his back against the obverse of the backsplash in her kitchen. 

His magnum opus came in the shape of audible rejection on a rainy midday last month (Stop, no, and please in a dissent-rusted chain from the other side of the wall made her belly churn enough to pick up the phone).

(The miasma of the recognition clogged her throat)

(“Um. I think my neighbor is— hurting someone.”)

She knows his name is Harry. H-A-R-R-y, always inscribed in all capitals, besides the cacographic tail end of the lowercase y, curving. She knows that their mail somehow manages to interchange in a muddle of 1306 and 1308, more often than not. 

(The brutal awareness that he doesn’t take no for an answer, evidently, is acrid).

“Thanks,” Y/N tells him, clipped. She’s sharp. Cold. Rime on a conifer.

He pauses. Looks like he wants to say something— more. Olivine replete in the sharp jet of its dewy crux, but—

He gives her another tighter simper. Bewildered, almost, in the shape of his features. Probably with the awkwardly apparent dissonance of the interaction. 

“Okay. Have a good one.”

It’s miry when she tucks the chainlink back into its track—

(A haze of inadvertent heart-eyes and odium— it’s a fickle amalgam). 

There’s a fat, imminent cloudburst looming over the top of the edifice when she shambles out, two days later, woven into a throng. It’s meaty and gray. She wonders how long it’ll take before it, ineluctably, ruptures in a cold pelt over them.

Y/N wraps her bathrobe tighter. The muzzled shriek of the fire alarm is a hum from the innards in the distance now, and it bathes the sidewalk, the parking lot, and the horde of red trucks, (some still surging in and some settled)—

“—Wonder if someone just pulled it.”

 She twists.

“What?”

“The— fire alarm,” Harry tells her, nudging with his chin into the direction of the complex, where residents still spill from the doors, half-awake. “I wonder if someone just pulled it.” 

There’s a floccose ball cradled in his forearms, meaty and gray, just like the plume brewing in the troposphere. Downy. He strokes a palm over it, ring-clad, and the rabbit twitches, unfurling. 

“They’d be an asshole,” Y/N murmurs, eyes scraping over the sky. It’s pithy; there’s no note to indicate that she’s interested in furthering the conversation (which she supposes isn’t very neighborly, but). 

Harry hums. Y/N twists her chin over her shoulder, arms caged over her chest, and ogles the bunny. 

“Snuggles,” Harry supplies. He scratches with the pads of his ears over the ear of the Holland lop. “He’s not big on fire alarms.” 

“Mm.” Monosyllabic. Mouth in a brooding moue.

Snuggles shifts in his owner’s coddle. Y/N casts her gaze up at the cresting brume. It’s going to pour, and she’s going to climb back up the stairs, sopping in her tracks like a wet dog—

And then there’s Harry. The monumental pinnacle cresting in the stagnant cesspool of her misery this morning, pooling over the granite. For a moment, she thinks they’ll bask in the comfort of the silence between them.

(Of course, she’s wrong).

“Hey. Sorry. This is— maybe it’s weird, but I have to ask. Did I… do something?” 

His sudden questioning throws her off-kilter. Like she’s been stripped bare in the middle of the parking lot. The sheer discomfort rattles the knobs of her spine and molds her shoulders into a defensive ashlar. 

Y/N turns, slowly. 

And she doesn’t know what she expects to find in his face— maybe delicate apprehension, soft and worn at the edges. Underlying dejection. Instead, there’s a spindrift. Cumulonimbus in the evergreen spuming his irises (thunder over the treetops). A stout resolve, brows furrowed. Y/N swallows. 

It’s almost funny. This man, cuddling his bunny out in the parking lot, surrounded by a weary, sparse crowd, staring at her so resolute under thunderclouds. She’s in duck slippers. 

It smells like it’s going to rain. Ozone, petrichor, geosmin.

Salvo. 

She takes a deep breath, and lets the downpour spew. 

“Frankly, I think it’s wrong to put your hands on a woman.” 

Harry’s face doesn’t immediately crease. It’s a slow progression (he blinks, then again, and a thunderbolt of white-hot shock clouds his features and shapes them bewildered). He ducks his chin. Sounds almost furtive— 

(Which is worse).

“Sorry?” 

“Sorry,” Y/N snips, “It’s absolutely disgusting to put your hands on a woman.” 

The flinty prehnite in his sockets wanders, left to right (a discomfited side sweep, probably at her volume— he should feel ashamed!). He steps in. There’s seedlings of a storm in his gaze.

(The pacific eye of a hurricane before it migrates and the tempest swallows her whole).

Harry tells her, even, and low, and careful, ”I don’t put my hands on anybody that doesn’t consent to it first.” 

Her face crinkles. 

“I think— maybe there’s been a misunderstanding—“

“I’m not misunderstanding,” Y/N maintains— the piece of her mind he’d beckoned for with open palms outstretched floods in vitriolic disdain, “I’ve heard a woman yelling no, and stop, and please from your apartment— I have ears, you know, and— and it’s gross that men like you think that it’s okay—“

He blinks, stunned, swallows, and then says, in a tone that’s soft-spoken and (impressively) imperturbable, “You’re the one that called in for a domestic disturbance?”

“Any sane woman would call the police when she heard another woman being abused.”

“Abused—“

She blusters, scorn in the molten lavascape of her gaze, “Yes! Abused! And— and— honestly—“

He rearranges, shifting the fleecy animal onto the bolster of one forearm, and culls his phone, brows pinched—

“—I don’t know what form of assault would be worse, but when someone says no, it means no!”

There’s epinephrine spuming, and the byproduct of venting the pent discontent— floodgates shattered—

“Excuse me,” she snaps, stifling when his thumb scrolls, “I’m talking to you. And also, while we’re at it, you’re unbearably loud, and an unmannerly neighbor—“

Harry turns the phone. She’s nearly tempted to tell him to piss off with… whatever this is, but her eyes roam, vexation worn in the kink of her eyebrows, and then—

An almost archaic website, like a kitsch relic— repository archives of a porn blog from the early 2000s. Spankinggram. A profile; Rings&Paddles. The squared avatar bifurcates the garishly burnt amber logo of the site’s logo. Her eyes sweep over the vista; a man, sitting, thighs splayed, palm curled over a …hairbrush.

The image sunders at the neck. It’s a faceless silhouette, but the miscellany of sketches cascading across a forearm and the distinctly chunky medley of rings are… enough—

“I do, like, a… softcore porn-type thing,” Harry admits, and the chiaroscuro of his sudden embarrassment to her venom makes her chest tight. She feels sort of sick. 

He tacks on, like he needs to, “Consensually. No one is being abused.”

Y/N can admit folie, but this fissure in her judgment is… scorching. Molten, wracking every limb with fire. It spumes her face with the flame as she balks, blinking the nonplus from her eyes like sleep dust. 

“I understand your concern,” Harry tells her, shutting the screen off into pitch and slipping the evidence back into his pocket— and no, that’s not— “You can, um. Look into …domestic discipline if you’d like, honestly. Like, if you wanted to understand a little better. There’s loads on the internet.”

She clenches her jaw (every word masticated, because no word besides sorry really fits, and even that is…) and then gapes. Suffocating when shame clots in a webbing over her pericardium, weaves a gossamer across her lungs. 

“I—“

“M’sorry about the noise. I’ll make sure to keep it to a minimum going forward.” 

(It smells like smoke). 

True to his word, Harry keeps it quiet. Her wall doesn’t rumble in a mocking string of thuds behind her headboard (chagrin… shedding), and there’s no more murmurs and footfalls muzzled by the drywall. 

And the means behind the sudden lull almost make the victory pyrrhic. Worthless fruit on a tree with rotted roots, gnarled in poisoned loam. The seedling of her guilt festers and froths.

Three days into the abrupt still, Y/N pulls up the profile. 

Rings&Paddles.

She scrolls. Bypasses his friends, a directory of his subscribers, and stalls over the catalog of videos. 

The thumbnails make her warm. 

Tepid all over, muzzy at the borders when she stares too long and blinks. It feels like an intrusion— something she shouldn’t openly ogle, something that she should’ve never pried at to begin with. Women strewn over a knee with underwear bunched to the crooks at the backs of their knees, a handful of different shades, different contours to their shapes, different hair, shrouding their faces—

The tips of her fingers dither, temporized. Click. 

It starts easy. A brunette walked onto the screen from beyond the edge of the lens, a hand squeezing over her nape—

“Tell me why we’re doing this.” 

Harry. Brassbound— it’s him. Tinny through the speaker on her laptop. Her blip of shame gets manducated in the clench of her molars as Y/N launches, tapping to lower the volume. On screen, he sits down and the woman slots between his thighs, flighty on the balls of her feet.

“Because… I had an attitude…”

“Because you had an attitude—“

Y/N watches, narcotized by the numbing slurry coursing. His arms jolt, elbows flaring as he works over the buttons on her shorts. Not gently.

“—That’s right.”

She steps out and he discards the denim, and then guides her with a grip by the wrist to splay over his lap. 

“We’ve had this problem before, haven’t we?”

She hangs her head. Points her toes and rolls forward on them, grunting when he plants his hand onto the back of her thigh, just grazing. 

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

A beat of silence. The pads of his fingers desist in their gentle stroke over her flesh.  

“…Yes, we’ve had this problem before.” 

A sudden swat in the recording makes Y/N jolt. A galvanized zap of electric surprise streaks the knobs of her spine. She blinks. 

“Yes, Sir. You know better than that—“ terse off his teeth, clandestine at the camera angle, “Are you going to give me a hard time today? Do you need a reminder of what happened the last time you did that?”

Another smack— his palm tattooing an imprint, in ruddily blooming genesis, to her backside.

“Ouch!”

“That’s right. Ouch. This is what happens when you’re a brat—“

Y/N swallows. Rolls the tip of her forefinger over the trackpad. Skips forward.

Three quarters of the way; the woman is still pasted to his knees. Only now, her underwear is cuffed to the backs of her thighs, and her ass is smeared in splotches of a muted cerise. He plants a blow against the flesh. Hard— enough for her downcast head to judder with a stuttery sob—

Y/N gnaws into her lip until it blanches under the force. Harry smooths his palm over.

“Are you going to do that again?”

This man is— bunnies. Anfractuous glances at the end of the hallway before the doors on the elevator slot to enmesh. Soft, wet hair when he stops by her door to hand off the mail that’s gotten swapped off into his amalgamation of envelopes. Demure on the pink border at the bottom of his his lash line, jade sweeping off, sharing this piece of him—

Y/N slams the laptop shut, face pullulating with heat.

[jeons-catalyst]

may, i know this has been talked to death, but every time i see clips of jk in bed begging jm to do a live i really feel disbelief. we all saw that. that happened. at first it was very cute and then i just felt like i was intruding the longer it went on. 🫣 like damn is that boy relentless when it comes to jimins attention.

ig if you want to make this into a more worthwhile ask, do you have any moments that come to mind where you felt like you were third wheeling?

Hey hun @bangtannism

Tbh with you Jk’s naked Live sometimes feels like a dream to me. I feel like it was one of those moments where the shock of the whole thing hit me after the Live was done. You know how sometimes you get a cut but don’t feel the pain till way after? Yea that’s what that Live felt like to me.

The thing is, we’ve spoken about this Live plenty but everytime i think about the fact that we literally had a half nakey Jk almost begging for Jimin to let him come over, do a Live and shower at his place before heading to his appointment at 2pm is just……crazy. Now don’t get me wrong. It isn’t unusual to see friends do stuff like this at all but i guess what made things a little different with jikook is the fact that Jk is usually someone who likes his alone time and we’ve never seen him act like this with anyone else plus, let’s be serious. Doed anyone really think Jk was ready to get out of his bed at 7am in the morning, drive over to Jimin’s just to do a Live together? I honestly feel like the Live was just an excuse and Jk probably just felt like being with Jimin at that time. We know that that is who he likes to be with when he is lonely and/or bored and it did seem like he was bored which is why he turned on a Live at that time, hell he even told Jimin that they are both bored in the morning. Anyways, this Live will always be one for the books and like you i personally find it hard to watch it without covering my face with my palms or looking away because i literally feel like i am watching something i should’nt be watching.

I feel like almost all Jikook moments make me feel like i am thirdwheeling but lets look at some of the biggest ones for me.

Listen, i think this moment right here takes the cake when it comes to jikook making us thirdwheel them. The tones of their voices, the body language, the way their eyes drop to their lips when they talk and the entire vibe is just arhhhhhhhh. Let’s not even talk about how coupley the conversation sounds. Just Jikook sitting there glued to each other in their downtime watching something on Jk’s phone and from first glance you wouldn’t think much of it until you see how fast Jk turns to ask Jimin where he is going when he hears the staff asking Jimin to get his makeup retouched. Jk was sitting there like someone who didn’t give a tiny rats ass but the moment he realized Jimin woulf be leaving his side he got so curious to find out where he was going. What is more coupley than this?

The next one for me would be this Newjersey vlive. I literally cannot watch this part without feeling the need to look away. You could cut the sexual tension in the room with a knife man. I feel like for a few seconds there, jikook forgot that they were Live. Jimin’s soft tones while talking to Jk, Jk clearly looking flustered and uneasy but also clearly into it, the way they were staring into each other’s eyes, jimin’s little “i love u” to Jk and the way Jk couldn’t stop staring at Jimin while he left arhhhhhh. This vlive is one of my jikook roman empires because if this live didn’t make it clear to anyone what jikook are, nothing else would.

Let’s not get into Jimin’s 2021 birthday Vlive. The domesticity of it all, jikook’s tones with each other, the way Jimin got shy after he finished talking to jk and told us Jk was coming, Jk’s hunk oppa tone when he picked up the phone arghhhhhhhh. I swear if i was dating Jimin or jungkook and heard them talking to each other on the phone like that, i would need me some answers man. Plus other important things to note which really give us a great insight of Jikook’s dynamic is how fast Jk picked up jimin’s call even though he was working out and how fast he got there after jimin told him he needed him. I want what they have i swear.

Moments like these too, make me feel shy lol cuz what is up with all the tension? Just kiss already and get it over with,

Listen, i physically cannot not look away when ever i come across this clip so i don’t even want to imagine what it must have been like for the members who were sitting right there plus the camera crew. Atleast this time, i wasn’t the only one thirdwheeling cuz the members were there to hold my hand😮‍💨. I honestly feel like jikook sometimes forget that there are other people around them.

What ever was going on here! Honestly, sometimes i get why jikook constantly catch fanservice allegations because how else do you explain Jungkook blatantly checking Jimin out during a shoot with dozens of staff around? I mean there is a platonic bro check out and then there is whatever this was. I honestly cannot look at this with a straight face.

I get so shy when i watch them stealing glances at each other and just feel like the biggest thirdwheel alive.

Whatever this was. I didn’t only feel like a thirdwheel but i was literally sweating. They were literally talking directly in each other’s faces and let’s not even get into the eye contact, jk being in his hunk oppa mood and Jimin being a giggly flustered cutie pie. (Oh lord, the cheesy, cringey pickup lines)😂

How could i almost forget the moment where jikook made the entire hall thirdwheel them? I will be fulfilled in life if i get a chance to speak with the idol sitting close to Jikook because my man has all the tea and he looked like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. I can put my hand on my chest and proudly say i have NEVER seen Jk look at anyone the way he looked at Jimin here. This was a completely different look and almost 6 years after, i still don’t know how to describe it.

Jungkook watching Jimin on Suchwita. I know that Jimin technically wasn’t there but the way he watched him with those smiles on his face and not even interacting with Army much made me feel like i was thirdwheeling. Plus, i don’t want to remember how he froze after seeing Jimin’s bare chest. GAY i tell you🤭

I don’t know if there is anyone who can watch this without feeling like a thirdwheel or like you are interrupting something. If you can then you are our strongest soldier because what was even this? Mind you this is the same Jk who called another person shameless but here he is openly telling Jimin “ I want you” 3 good times. Don’t even get me started with how he said Jimin’s expression is sexy and his tone too. This was downright flirty as hell and i’m not sure what would have happened if they were not infront of cameras lol

These are the few moments i could think of off the top of my head. What other moments made y’all feel like a thirdwheel?

[batsplat]

wait, is there a dovi/jorge feud???? i didn't know this!! also thank you so much for all you do for this community ❤️

not the only ask I've gotten about this and... look, rather than doing a proper write up that would take forever, I'm just gonna give my top ten fun... facts? bits of trivia. tidbits related to the two of them. quite long tidbits, on second glance. the highlight reel, if you will

(1) that time andrea dovizioso made 14 year old jorge lorenzo cry

the two of them already raced each other before the start of their grand prix careers, competing for the first time in 2001 in the cev when dovi was around 15 and jorge around 14. in riveras tobia's biography, here's jorge talking about their first fight:

I led the way at the start and Dovizioso and I escaped. It was our first head-to-head encounter, the first time we raced each other. My dad had heard that Dovi was a really clever rider and he warned me before the race. But just like in 1998 at Jerez, with Olive, I acted like a dummy and pushed for the whole race. I kept looking behind me to see the bastard still there! It was impossible to shake him off, he was watching me the whole race until the last lap. Three comers from the end I could hear his engine getting closer and I saw his shadow to my left, but he didn't come past. I thought to myself "This guy is going to try something in a second!" I decided I had to on a tighter line and close the door. Sure enough, Dovi went wider through that comer and then dived up the inside. I didn't close the door in time and tried to get in his slipstream, desperately hoping I could get him the next corner, but I ran wide and he won. I came back in tears, I didn't even want to go to the podium, I felt so cheated. I'd been on the limit for the whole race and I felt like I deserved the win more than he did.

so that's a nice and positive start! there's something charming about how even fifteen year old dovi was an absolute menace on last laps

also about that race:

'Jorge beat Dovi in Braga but in the previous race at Most, what a tantrum!' recalls Juanito, laughing. 'He didn't even want to go to the podium, he was crying like a baby! I can still see Dani (Antatriain) talking to him, trying to convince him. In the end he went but he didn't want to look at anybody.'

(2) the photo finish

in 2004, they were rivals in 125cc - a year in which dovi claimed the title and jorge was p4 in the standings. in the very first grand prix ever at the lusail circuit (pretty eventful weekend, you have to say), jorge and dovi crossed the line at the exact same moment

(3) dovi's top three favourite career win

dovi and jorge progressed through the categories at the exact same rate, and after their 125cc rivalry they continued fighting in 250cc. they were title rivals in both 2006 and 2007, with jorge's aprilia winning out both times against dovi's underpowered honda. (the general pattern was that dovi clawed back a bunch of points from jorge in the wet - jorge, with perhaps the exception of a few years in the premier class until around 2013, has never been much of a wet weather racers, while it's always been one of dovi's strongest traits.) for dovi's 300th career start in 2019, he was asked what his top three wins were - and one of his picks was from way back when in 2007

I'd recommend the race! which... well, I did in the race rec post - and I can only reiterate that these two kids do not acknowledge each other, not good vibes at all

(4) jorge's thoughts on young dovi from 2008

Jorge has a lot of respect for Andrea Dovizioso and feels that his two 250cc world titles have even more prestige because he had to beat the Italian to win them. 'You wouldn't label Dovizioso as fast, particularly, but he's much faster than he looks. He doesn't set many pole positions but he is always up front in a race, fighting to win. He is very intelligent and you can't trust him an inch on the last lap. He has been faithful to Honda, he has great belief in them. His negative side is that he tends to play the victim too much. He'll say that if his bike had a better engine or if it was a bit faster he would win. He's even said that if he was on the same bike as me he'd give me a hiding. I think he looks for excuses too often sometimes, but as a rider and a person I don't have a bad word to say about him.'

some dovi traits read as very familiar, from how he's a better racer than qualifier to the intelligence to the last lap prowess. as for jorge saying dovi plays victim too much? well

also this:

ER: Don't you think that Dovizioso wanted to be World Champion too in 2006 and 2007? Don't you think he gave everything to achieve it? JL: He will think he gave his maximum but he will be lying to himself because nobody does that. Nobody gets close to their maximum, not even me. He will think that he didn't win because he was riding a Honda. There are very few sportsmen who will say, I deserve what happened to me and there are no excuses. I didn't know how to do any better and I've done things wrong.' That is the only way to be the best, the only way. People who make excuses don't get to the top. I know riders who haven't made it for just that reason.

plus ça change

(5) jorge's thoughts on young dovi from 2018

when they were doing their thing as ducati teammates (bickering), here is one of the things jorge said about dovi:

dovi's been trying to undermine jorge's morale his WHOLE career... even when they were but teenagers... love it when you can really tell someone's been sitting on something for over a decade

(6) "also lorenzo is not my friend"

both of them moved up to motogp in 2008, jorge with factory yamaha and dovi with satellite honda. dovi had a very strong rookie season and finished in p5, only sixteen points behind jorge in p4 (who after a promising first few races had spent a lot of time that season crashing). after that, their fortunes diverged. dovi did not have a particularly happy time in the factory honda team and needed to do some shrewd negotiating to be retained by them for 2011 in that three-man squad, while jorge of course won the championship in 2010

here's a deep cut from 2011, a season where much of the excitement and drama was caused by marco simoncelli alone. jorge had exchanged tense words with sic in estoril, one race before simoncelli was responsible for a crash where dani broke his collarbone. the crash and sic's subsequent penalty meant that the three-way fight between jorge, dovi and valentino became one for the podium, with dovi and valentino eventually grabbing the two remaining spots behind casey. but during the race, jorge had executed a... questionable manoeuvre on dovi, one that did have some similarities to the sic/dani incident. given jorge's strong previous comments on racing standards, unsurprisingly the journalists pounced on this incident in the post-race presser and ask the podium sitters about it. here is the clip:

in this clip, dovi essentially says it was a dangerous move from jorge, but he wasn't sure what jorge's intent had been and he needs to watch the footage again. valentino (who had been the most outspokenly critical of sic of the three of them earlier in the presser) takes the opportunity presented to him to have a bit of a potshot at jorge. he says that dovi doesn't have the best relationship with sic but jorge had done something pretty similar in the race... at which point dovi goes "also lorenzo is not my friend"

which, you know. not exactly a major incident, but I find it very charming dovi felt the need to clarify that, actually, he doesn't like either of them. valentino also adds that by jorge's own standards, surely he too should have gotten a penalty. not exactly a meeting of jorge's biggest fans hm

(7) mapping eight-gate

well I can't leave it out, can I

so in 2017 jorge switches from yamaha to ducati and does not have a great time of it. a lot of weekends, he's just too slow, other times he shoots to the front of a race at the start (typically not great news for the rest of the field in his yamaha days) and then chews up his tyres before gradually dropping like a stone back through the field. at some point that year it became a bit of a running gag - especially when you saw he was the only big name to be picking a soft tyre and just went... buddy we ALL know how this is gonna end....

while this was happening, his teammate dovi was for the first time in his premier class career in championship contention. an extremely close title fight throughout the year with five protagonists until pretty late in the season, it eventually went to a title decider in valencia between dovi and marc. you know, the kind of year where every point counts. the race where marc put a bit of daylight between himself and dovi was phillip island, with marc winning a great dogfight out front while dovi had a bit of a horror show of a weekend. this meant that a lot would have to go right for dovi to have a chance of still winning the title... and sepang was already a match point race for marc

ducati had not won a championship since their 2007 title, courtesy of one casey stoner. after that year, their bike became steadily less competitive every season, reaching a nadir around the 2011-13-ish period. so by the time 2017 rolled around, they wanted this so so badly - even if they wouldn't have expected dovi to lead the charge. dovi had only narrowly beaten out iannone in the 'who's going to be fired for our shiny new lorenzo hire' contest of 2016, and really it was supposed to be jorge who was carrying ducati's dreams on his shoulders. but, never mind, they were throwing everything behind dovi now... no stone left unturned

which brings us, of course, to the subject of team orders. this discourse really took off at the penultimate race of the season at sepang, but was already brewing before that - and in phillip island, satellite ducati rider redding had been told early in the race to let dovi past

here from marc at sepang:

dovi had been in great form all weekend at sepang - and with his wet weather prowess being what it was, really there shouldn't have been any need for team orders at all. but he got a sluggish start, and the race unfolded from there... until eventually jorge was in first, dovi was in second and marc in fourth. in those positions, marc would have clinched the title there

and then, jorge got a message on his dashboard. suggested mapping: mapping 8. pit boards and dashboards and all sorts of boards will feature various codes during races, most of them completely innocuous - but of course they are a healthy source of all sorts of conspiracies. the timing of this one was certainly... notable, and speculation immediately started about how it might be a way of telling jorge that he should swap positions with dovi

jorge didn't end up letting dovi pass - it is questionable whether he really would have done so with what would have been his first ducati win on the line. in the end, he made a mistake that let dovi through so that dovi claimed the win anyway, keeping himself in mathematical contention in valencia. and jorge did say afterwards he was keeping dovi's title hopes in mind, kind of

jorge also said he hadn't gotten any message indicating team orders, and of course nobody at ducati confirmed that mapping eight did have anything to do with team orders

for what it's worth, this is what dovi said about their relationship at this stage:

lovely! let's see what the vibes are like a few months later

anyway, onto valencia. this race was pretty boring despite being a title decider, but the jorge/dovi bits were just unequivocally the weekend's most enjoyable aspect and rather nicely spiced up the whole thing. dovi's chances were always slim going in, given he'd have to win the race and marc would have to barely get any points at all... but still, you never know, right? marc could always crash (narrator: he did almost crash). jorge plays coy early in the weekend about the whole 'helping dovi out thing', and basically just started putting in place...? ... very specific conditions...? under which he'd help:

so during the actual race, dovi got stuck behind jorge in p5, with marc ahead of both of them. valencia is traditionally not a fantastic track to overtake at... so even if dovi had been faster, it's not like he'd have an easy time clearing jorge and cracking on. but they were beginning to drift further away from dani in p3 as ducati watched on, increasingly unamused by what was happening - and the tv cameras were of course kind enough to repeatedly show the ducati box looking deeply unamused. again, they went for the good old mapping eight message, which, hey, that could mean anything! they sure did keep showing it to jorge though, almost like he wasn't paying attention to it

eventually, they abandon all subtlety and go for a pit board message that does just straight-up tell jorge to swap positions. jorge kept ignoring the messages, lap after lap, and he never ended up letting dovi past. eventually they both crashed and marc claimed the title with a p3 finish, so it wouldn't have mattered anyway, but... still. the feeling was that this might things rather awkward inside of ducati

publicly, ducati was extremely keen to smooth over the whole controversy, saying they totally weren't mad at jorge blatantly ignoring team orders. jorge had, after all, explained to them (and the media, repeatedly) that he had totally been intending to help dovi by dragging him closer to dani

Giving his take on events, Lorenzo acknowledged that he ignored Ducati’s instruction because he felt Dovizioso’s chances would be boosted by having him directly ahead. “Even looking at this [dashboard] suggestion, I keep pushing until the end, because I knew it was the best thing for me, for Ducati and for Dovi,” said Lorenzo. “I helped him to improve his pace by one or two tenths, to be as close as possible to the first group. My intention was, and it was the case, that we arrive at the first group. If he had the option to win, I would have gone wide and let him pass. But unfortunately it was not like that. Maybe in some corners Dovi was close and I slow down a little bit his pace, but in general terms, having my wheel in front of him made him improve slightly his pace. I helped him stayed closer to the front group. “I knew Dovi was struggling, I knew his pace during all the weekend, and I knew he was making the best pace of the weekend just in the race. It was [because of the] help from my wheel. I’m happy because I was not wrong. If I was wrong and slowing him, I would be very sorry. But it’s not like that, my feeling was true.”

which, you know. is it really that easy to tell how much faster you are than someone who's sitting on your rear tyre? who's to say. dovi did certainly seem rather keen to get past

anyhow, of course there were plenty of fun dramatics post-race:

'our rider ignored team suggestions not team orders' is a great line, fairs. there's plenty more of this from ducati, some excellent spin doctoring - and dovi was extremely magnanimous about what had happened:

the whole thing was pretty undignified from all non-dovi parties, but it was also very funny so who's to say if it was bad or not

(8) runner-up-gate

let's check in on them in 2018, the second and ultimately last year in which they were teammates. remember that 'undermining morale' quote from above? those are from early 2018, after dovi says he wouldn't be surprised to see jorge elsewhere the following season. so, once jorge has complained that dovi had been trying to put him down his entire career, comes this:

so that's something. jorge, dovi and dani have a three-in-one crash in jerez, after which some fingers are pointed but it all remains fairly civil, and a bit later dovi says that jorge's approach doesn't work at ducati:

by the summer break, jorge's results had gotten better, but it was already too late to save the relationship with ducati and they parted ways. anyway, here's dovi and jorge having another go at it:

And while a rough patch for Dovizioso coupled with breakthrough back-to-back wins for Lorenzo in Mugello and Barcelona have now left the pair just three points apart in the standings, Dovizioso refused to back down from his claim when speaking to Spanish sports daily Marca ahead of the upcoming Brno race. “He’s won two races,” Dovizioso said. “Winning two races does not solve the problem of a year and a half. Lorenzo was not signed to win two races. Therefore I do not change my mind.” When the comments were put to Lorenzo, the three-time champion offered an ardent retort, stating that Dovizioso's rhetoric was proof of the claim he'd made back in April. “I'm a bit fed up with this situation, mainly because when I had trouble and he was winning, I was down there applauding,” Lorenzo told Spanish broadcaster Movistar. “What I said in Argentina - and the comments caused a big surprise - you can see that I was right. “He tried to undermine me, or downplay what I achieve or just attack me. As you can see, I wasn't lying. He's still doing it and now he says my method is not good, according to him.” Lorenzo intimated that Dovizioso was in no position to criticise him, as the Italian could do no better than runner-up to Marc Marquez in a 'perfect' 2017 season. He said: “I think my method has not worked too bad in my career. I've won three MotoGP titles and have 46 wins.” “In my second year in Ducati I'm usually faster than him, but maybe I should look at his method closer if in his best season, with everything going perfectly, he was second. Otherwise he's fourth or seventh usually. I'd tell him to leave me to go my way and to focus on his own and everything will be better, because when you have an angry Lorenzo it's usually worse for you.” 

fair to say that by this point the pretence at civility has mostly been dropped. I'm rather fond of the "lorenzo was not signed to win two races" line, though "when you have an angry lorenzo it's usually worse for you" is also really strong stuff. dovi tries to restore a little bit of peace:

Responding in turn to Lorenzo's tirade, Dovizioso sought to play down the conflict. “Jorge has his ideas and I think they are based on particular things. I don't think like him, but it's not a problem,” he told Movistar. “Everybody creates their own ideas based on what they see and how they live. “I don't think he has everything clear in his head about what's happened, but we continue the relationship that we started last year with respect, there's no particular problem. If he thinks this way, that's his problem."

so basically the classic 'idk what he's on about but it's not my problem' approach to attempting to defuse feuds

(9) twitter-gate

there's a few more on-track battles where it's nicely obvious how badly they want to beat each other, with jorge beating marc just ahead of dovi in austria and then dovi beating jorge in brno. jorge's season is increasingly derailed by injuries, which sets the stage for their next big spat:

The row was sparked by Dovizioso's comments to Sky Italia after qualifying at Sepang on Saturday, as he was asked what he thought of Lorenzo having to pull out of the Malaysian GP weekend with injury. "I don't know the details, I don't want to get into this, it's a bit of a strange situation," said Dovizioso."It happens often in Ducati or to certain riders, but I don't understand the details and I don't want to get into it and give my opinion." When it was put to him he was offering 'cryptic words', he added: "I leave things there, it's not my problem."

pretty vague, yeah. but anyway, I'm sure jorge had a proportionate response to this

Dovizioso's comments prompted a series of irate posts from Lorenzo on Twitter, with his first reaction being "Thank you very much @AndreaDovizioso! You are a real gentleman!". In his next post, he went on to call Dovizioso "an exemplary teammate", adding: "You applaud him under the podium when he wins and then... (That's right, he does not give his opinion, it's not his problem)." After that, Lorenzo labelled Dovizioso "envious" and described him as "a world champion... in 125cc."

the podium thing really bothered him, don't you think. their ducati in-fighting follows that general pattern where dovi says something... a little shady, a little ambiguous, where his intentions aren't entirely obvious... at which point jorge goes all in at fighting back and has a go at dovi - often not as much for what dovi is actually saying, but what jorge thinks dovi is implying. which is based on his understanding of dovi, the image of dovi he's built up in his head over the years, so that he is... predisposed to think ill of the intentions of the 'intelligent' dovi who always knows exactly what he's saying

again, dovi tried to downplay the argument, while simultaneously not exhibiting much patience for jorge's stance:

After the Malaysian GP, Dovizioso was asked about Lorenzo's responses to his comments, and the Italian accused his teammate of reading too much into headlines. He said: “Why should I talk to Lorenzo? I do not waste time on these things. He makes the usual mistake of giving too much importance to what is written, even without the context. "I have not pointed my finger at anyone and I have no problem with Jorge."

if I were ducati, I probably would've let the whole thing blow over given jorge was off soon anyway. but they decided the whole thing was so bad they had to organise a peace summit

Asked about the situation, Ducati sporting director Paolo Ciabatti admitted to Motorsport.com that the Bologna marque has already planned to sit its two riders on Tuesday in Milan to make it clear what its priorities are. Ciabatti said: “It is clear that the interests of Ducati come before personal problems between riders. On Tuesday we will be together in Milan, for the EICMA [motorcycle show] and we have in mind to spend half an hour to sit and talk to Jorge and Andrea. "We want to avoid similar things to what happened last weekend. "I understand that these kinds of situations can happen. Sometimes riders get nervous during a Grand Prix weekend and on a rainy day, with tricky conditions, sometimes they say things they shouldn’t have said."

god knows how that turned out

(10) wow, you guys aren't gonna let this go, huh

late 2020 and jorge's career is already over, while dovi's looks like it will be... paused, at the very least. which is always a good time to check in with riders on how they feel about their rivals - if they're still being nasty you know that shit was personal. from december:

some quality petty material here. "I can't understand his somewhat peculiar mind" vs "he was envious of me since 250cc, but I wanted to give our relationship a chance". note too jorge talking again about how generous he had been in the face of dovi's 2017 successes, and how he feels like this was not reciprocated at all. jorge's complaints don't stop there:

merry christmas!

not the only rider jorge has beefed with post-retirement, but compare and contrast with how he really hasn't been doing any of that with some of his biggest career rivals. valentino, marc, dani - sure, he still talks about the controversies he's had with them pretty regularly (to put it lightly), and he's hardly free of complaints... but mostly it's a distinctly nostalgic tone he's adopting with these guys. admittedly, it helps that none of those three have gone out of their way to say anything particularly inflammatory about jorge. still, the absolute lack of any sort of rapprochement with dovi of all people is pretty funny

bonus: that time when jorge skittled all of marc's rivals

you know how in catalunya 2019, jorge took out like? all of marc's major rivals in that era including himself in one go? with half a decade of hindsight, this was kind of hilarious, and it did also feature jorge having to eat a hell of a lot of humble pie and go to the three other blokes to apologise. anyway I have a lovingly assembled set of screenshots of all three of them emoting in their boxes after the incident, all suffering some form of an existential crisis. here is dovi contemplating the bleak realities of our brief lives on this planet:

truly one of the world's least enthusiastic waves

bonus 2: another one for old time's sake

already posted this elsewhere, but this from late 2023 made me laugh

"jorge came to ducati and thought he was going to beat everything, but in the end he didn't" uh huh

[goldentigerfestival]

I repeat, I am a sucker for soft, gentle Yuri, and the way Yuri goes so soft for Karol because Karol just wants to be believed and is sad makes my heart a little puddle.

[freebooter4ever]

Hey thanks I thought I was the only one who didn’t like the joke. Everyone laughed yuck

Ahhhhh yeah :/ i thought the joke was definitely funny, but with that harsh twinge of sadness at just how normalized and accepted this sort of sexism STILL is.

' i was never good at telling jokes but the punchline goes, i get older but your lovers stay my age '

And its not necessarily a damnation of the man himself - obviously rami is a favorite of mine but i dont think hes ever dated anyone over 30 and is veering towards jake and leo disease too, and i still think rami is one of the most brilliant character narrative builders in the business currently - but its a damnation of a culture that treats romantic partners not as equals but as disposable play things with an expiration date. Look, i got flirted with by much older guys in pittsburgh all the time - usually it was cute, they were friendly, very complimentary and flattering about it, and they never treated it seriously or asked me out. Then i came to LA and the difference was night and day. Older (rich) men here feel entitled to younger women in a way that is frankly scary - at one point in a bar when a guy in his 60s was hitting on me my muscular male friend had to physically step between us and scare the guy off to get him to go away.

And it doesn't help that im sort of in the 'one of the guys' category, so i've heard the way these super rich dudes talk about the models they date behind their back while hanging with 'the guys', and, ugh, its not nice. I will say one thing for sports dudes - i imagine guys like ja*gr have way more respect for young women who are passionate about health and fitness than computer science executives.

But there's negatives in the sports world too - yall know how much i adore taylor. But even i recognize that she's not 'sports bro hot' - she doesn't have silicone, her make up is understated, she doesn't have that social media defined 'hotness' that sports fan dudes expect their sports heroes to date. So while i was naively scrolling insta looking for cute snapshots of taylor and travis being all lovey dovey at the end of the game, a good half the comments were men complaining about her. Saying they cant understand why travis is dating someone so old, that she will never be able to give him kids, that she's already showing her age (both of them are 34 btw). So far travis seems to ignore these types of comments but it would be hard to judge him for giving into peer pressure because this stuff is just so prevelant and exhausting.

And it does effect us older women - while i was dating Pilot Boy i was absolutely hyper aware of the fact that here is this rich, handsome, successful, and extremely smart guy dating beneath him. Like we bonded over being literally the same age - we had mutual friends in college without even knowing it. But i was always questioning like what does this guy see in me - why isn't he dating a gorgeous 25 year old whose only goal in life is to live on the beach with him??? Like he was honestly more the type of dude i would be friends with while he dates hotter women, lol. So i really was not surprised when he ended things (i was mostly sad that we couldnt stay friends and continue geeking out on airplanes and history together LOL), it just felt like it made sense, of course he wouldn't be serious about me, a guy like him should be dating a fresh, youthful, less bitter and cynical 25 yr old blonde. Six years in LA and this is just the pattern i see repeating itself over and over.

And im the romantic - when i fall in love its ALL in. Usually it's personality, usually its intellectual - that comfort in finding someone who just understands how you think. I love being so close to someone that you know them better than yourself, that you can communicate wordlessly. Shared humor, shared experience. As i age im learning that i actually dont pay much attention to the signs of aging when it comes to attraction - who notices wrinkles when what you're in love with is that look in their eye when they smile at you? The mental connection between romantic partners is the most important for me in my book. For me this typically means someone within the ten year range plus or minus - though i prefer it even within a five year age gap.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

tbt the deh days baking motif interviews like it's time for will roland cooking v'logs while someone is there to pepper in q&a moments & conversation (&/or extended tangents) starters

[medicinemane]

You know what's sad, just for the hell of it I decided to say "Let's a go", and no joke I think I'd be a better Mario than Chris Pratt

I mean, I can think of someone who would be far better than me who like... there's still time to give him the role and fix the movie I feel like, but like if we're not doing that I at least could do a like... an impression of Mario of some kind, and I'd probably do the whole thing for like... $100,000?

So if you're not gonna get a good voice, like you can at least get me for fairly cheap

[vaugarde]

ok ik im risking spoilers by doing this but i'm trying to find reviews for magireco and i havent seen a ton but oh god yeah the consensus seems to be “the game is better” or “what the fuck is happening”

[perceivedgodliness]

trying to wear most headpieces when you have tourettes is so difficult oh my god

[richards-mike]

i thought about a new ship while swimming yesterday ⤵️

[lockea]

I've been seeing a lot of Discourse around outdoor cats that talks past one of the biggest problems addressing community cats/outdoor working cats so I thought I'd chime in with my two cents.

Many arguments I see just... don't think about the cats at all? Or don't consider the logistics of actually addressing the feral cat problem in a humane way. It's always about how outdoor cats shouldn't be outdoors, which is neither realistic nor helpful.

I used to volunteer at an municipal animal shelter in the USA that had a TNR program (Trap, Neuter, Return) and also adopted out community cats to local farms and businesses. Here's my side of the story.

"Your cat doesn't need to be outside" -- Yes, correct. Your domesticated (non-feral) house cat does not need to go outside at all. They can have a fully actualized life safely indoors. When I see this argument, proponents of indoor only cats are correct in most or all their arguments regarding this.

"Outdoor cats are the largest invasive species in the world, and decimate bird populations." -- This is also correct, and part of the reason why you can help by bringing your house cat indoors. Cats are the largest invasive species. Spay and Neuter your cats, bring them inside, and socialize them so they don't become feral.

"TNR doesn't work." -- False. Whether we like it or not, feral cats exist. We have two methods by which we can address the feral cat population -- decimating them (humanely euthanizing the whole colony) or TNR. For a long time, euthanasia was the preferred way to address the feral cat problem. Afterall, if the cats aren't there, doesn't that save the local wildlife population?

Except that we found, studying these colonies, that when a colony is wiped out, the cats of another colony will spread into their territory and continue to have kittens and the population of feral cats is neither controlled nor diminished.

Hence, TNR. What we found performing TNR on cat colonies was that this controlled the population of the colonies, allowing them to stay in their territory, which kept other colonies from spreading (especially colonies we hadn't performed TNR on yet). We at the shelter felt this was the most humane way to control the feral cat population and safely deflate their existence without dealing with the population blooms that euthanasia caused.

"What about kittens?" -- Kittens from these colonies were brought into the shelter, socialized, and fostered out until they could be adopted. Some of these semi-feral kittens needed special homes to be adopted into, but this was the best quality of life for these cats.

"What about cats that get missed during TNR?" -- We would return to the colony several times over a period of several years to perform TNR on the same colony. We mark cats that have been neutered by clipping their ear (this is done humanely, but is the most reliable way to tell if a cat has been neutered so the poor thing doesn't have to have surgery 3-4 times in their life). Also, during the TNR process the cats would be vaccinated to ensure disease did not spread from the colony (i.e. rabies). Still, even getting 60% of the colony TNR'd would dramatically reduce the number of kittens being added to the colony each year. This controlled the population by allowing the territory to naturally deflate in size over time, buying us time to address the larger feral cat problem.

"What if the colony was in an unsafe location?" -- There were two ways we addressed unsafe colony locations -- remember, we know that when the colony is removed, a new colony will move into its place, so we tried not to move the colony unless we really felt the cats or the public was unsafe -- one was to move the whole colony to a new location. Preferably someplace like a warehouse where we have an agreement with the owners of the warehouse. Some of the cats were even relocated to shelter grounds as our community cats. If the colony was small enough we would bring them into our Feral Cats room and adopt them out as community cats.

"What is a community cat?" -- The way the program worked, was that anyone who needed a working cat could apply to the program. These were often rural farmers or businesses with warehouses that needed rodent protection. We trained the farmers and businesses on how to acclimatize the cats to their new home, and as part of the agreement, they had to care for the cats (veterinary care, vaccinations, food and water). This gave businesses and farms an alternative to expensive and environmentally unfriendly rodent control, and also gave these feral cats good places to live out their natural lives.

"Can't you just adopt out feral cats?" -- No. Cats that have not been socialized around humans as kittens, or who have several generations of feral cat in them could not interact with humans in a way that did not cause them undue stress. This was not a humane way to handle feral cats. However, when a cat was brought into the feral cat room, they would be monitored for up to a week. If the cat displayed signs of being semi-social or fully social (hanging out outside of their den, allowing staff to pet them, showing interest in staff in the room), then we would either move the cat into the adoption room or place them in foster to be socialized before adoption. Feral cats who displayed signs of being able to live full and healthy lives with human companions were NOT adopted out as community cats. We also observed this behavior during TNRs and would do the same for those cats too.

"But aren't cats bad hunters?" -- Compared to other species, cats are not the most effective form of rodent control. This is true. However, you have to understand that feral cats exist. There is no "undo" button we can push to stop them from existing. We have to deal with the problem we have right now, which is to safely and humanely decrease the number of feral cats in our communities. And yes, we do that by using cats as rodent control in the community.

"What can I do?" -- Stop saying community cats shouldn't exist. That's not helpful and doesn't solve the problem we have. Bring your cat indoors. Spay and neuter your cats. Adopt from shelters. Volunteer with a TNR team. Support TNR efforts in your community. Recognize that those of us actively dealing with the community/feral problem are trying to do what is in the best interest of our communities and the animals we love. We aren't sitting over here saying these cats should exist -- a feral cat will not have the same quality of life as one that is indoors with a family -- but we have to address the problem in practical terms. We don't have the moral high ground to just do nothing while pontificating solutions that have no basis in actuality.

And yes, it's okay to celebrate community cats. If your local farm has a couple of working cats, that means that farm is helping participate in the safe deflation of the feral cat population. Don't shame a farm or business for using community cats. We're all doing the best we can to solve the problem that we have.

[revolant]

The way the Karev-Sloan wedding could have been so transcendent. Life changing. Historic

[gigifujijifu]

I'm disappointed with a lot of SE's needlessly gendered choices...

[loverdotpng]

I'm having a category 5 blonde man moment

[thoughtssvt]

gojo satoru never put his infinity up when he was with you. he liked to feel you close.

the first time he'd touched you— actually touched you— was an accident. one he'd never made before. all that happened was that your arms had brushed together. it was just for a short moment, but electricity ran under his skin and straight to his heart. he'd just felt so comfortable with you. so close. the moment was perfect, he was positive that all the stars had aligned when he was with you. he could be himself. you'd seen him through his barrier.

he became addicted.

he wanted to feel you that close every time.

even knowing his arm would fall asleep he would snake it under your waist, pull you in tight. he loved the way your hair would tickle his nose as he kissed the nape of your neck.

sometimes he'd get carried away. it was a euphoric feeling so foreign to the pads of his fingers. the thud of your heart against his palm, your calves tangling with his. you'd giggle saying that he was practically choking you.

"one more minute, i promise," he'd say, voice rumbling through his chest and against your back.

one minute became two and after two, well, you guessed you could get used to him melding your bodies together.

he found himself touching you every chance he got. his fingers massaging your scalp, elbows nudging as you walked side by side. sometimes when your legs were strewn over his he couldn't help running a hand up and down from ankle to knee, waxing his palm against your skin as he reached the bend.

he absolutely loved when you were the one to initiate touch. you could practically see a tail wagging when your fingers danced against his wrist just before sliding down to trace circles into his palms, his hand eager to intertwine with yours.

even on those sticky summer afternoons when all the fan was doing was blowing the hot air around he couldn't get enough of you. two clips swiping his hair out of his face (matching yours, of course), a cold patch on his forehead, he'd wrap his arms around you as you chopped away at refreshing fruit. his body encompassing yours, chin hooking onto your shoulder as he reminded you to be careful.

winter was his favorite as if he needed an excuse to cuddle close to you. the breaths of your giggles fanning his skin, your socked feet brushing together where you both hid under a soft, cozy blanket.

every night as he listened to your deep, steady breaths he thought about how grateful he was to have met you. he'd been so focused on being the strongest that he'd never given a fleeting thought to being weak. and god, when it came to you he got so weak. he wondered how it was ever a bad thing in the first place.

before sleep took him he pulled you in closer, felt your breath hit the back of his hand, your chest rise under his palm.

gojo satoru was almost certain that you and him and the love you shared together was the true meaning of infinity, so when he was with you he never had to put it up. one look in your eyes was all the forever he needed.

A/N : ngl i melted while writing this. let's be fr he'd be this clingy (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

j‹𝟹

jjk men x reader masterlist | needy morning w/ gojo

bubble divider by pfparchive

[pseudowho]

Yuuji's hand hovered over the receiver, paralysed. His universe zeroed in on the little plastic bubble around him, and the payphone, with the chatter, ringing, beeping and bustling of the Police Station behind him. The cuffs chafed on his wrist. He thought and thought, reaching for the receiver again, before freezing.

The police officer behind Yuuji tapped his foot. "Get on with it, kid." Yuuji shrunk in on himself, smaller than ever.

"Uhh...I'm really sorry. I don't think I'm ready for my first call yet. Can I have a bit longer?"

A huff from the officer. Yuuji's wrists clanked as he was grabbed by the upper arm, a heavy clang as he was pressed back into the cell, locked in. There was a drunk on the perpendicular bench. Some big guy with a kill you stare, the other side.

Yuuji tried not to cry as he hunched down towards his knees.

He had never felt so orphaned, as he did in this moment.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Kento hummed to himself, outwardly upbeat, and happy to be so in the absence of observers. He grabbed his travel mug from the desk; his paperwork was completed. He was advised he wouldn't be needed for the rest of the day, so why don't you just head off early? We'll just call you if we need you.

Words like syrup. Kento's metaphorical sweet shop. He lapped it up. He dropped you a text; home soon. I'll make dinner.

Making himself a fresh coffee, Kento felt his pocket buzzing. His humming stopped at the Unknown Number on screen, eyebrows pinching together. He answered, stirring his coffee.

"Nanami Kento speaking."

Initial silence. An awkward rustle. Kento waited.

"...Nanamin. I'm sorry, I...I didn't know who else to call. I'm in trouble." Kento turned his back on his coffee, pacing in front of his desk, a prickle of fear up his spine.

"Itadori-kun. Where are you?"

"I'm...I'm downtown. I was arrested. I was only trying to help--"

"I'll be right there. Don't say anything. You're safe. I'll be straight there."

Kento put the phone down, concern clipping his movements. He looked down at his phone, thinking. He tapped out two more text messages, grabbed his travel mug, and headed out to his car in long, purposeful strides.

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By the time Kento arrived, guided into the station by a receptionist, he scowled to see Yuuji being interrogated at a desk by an officer.

"I swear, I was just checkin' the place out, just--just bein' stupid, I didn't mean--"

"--didn't think the "No Entry" signs were for you, huh? What was the plan, go in and wreck the place? Damn kids--"

"Excuse me for interrupting. I don't believe you're supposed to be interviewing minors without a chaperone."

The police officer stopped, bristling as he looked up at Kento, looming down over him. Kento silenced Yuuji with a heavy hand on the shoulder. A travel mug of hot coffee was gently pressed into Yuuji's hands.

"Don't answer him, Yuuji. We're waiting for your lawyer."

Yuuji looked so small and tired, folded over on himself, that Kento felt a prickle of cold rage frost through him at Yuuji's treatment.

Kento's eyes flicked across the desk. He noted paperwork, with Yuuji's name. He noticed the 'Next of Kin' section...empty. Kento's stomach clenched, and his grip on Yuuji's shoulder tightened almost imperceptibly. The police officer shivered under a chilly gaze.

"Nanamin...I'm sorry--"

"I'm sure you have nothing to be sorry for. This man, however--" the officer's blood ran cold when Kento's eyes swung to him again, "--should know better than to bully a child."

A rustle and a clatter sounded behind Kento and Yuuji. Yuuji heard a deep voice, apologising for knocking something off a desk, before another hand landed on his other shoulder. Yuuji gaped up.

"...Higuruma?" Hiromi glanced down, coal-soft eyes belying a little smile. The police officer sputtered into his coffee, looking frantically between the two men, now.

"Higuruma? Shit. I don't get paid enough for this."

"I assume you're charging my client with something." Hiromi sat, crossing his legs, hands clasped on his lap.

"He broke into an abandoned hospital--"

"Was it locked?"

"...ahhh..."

"Did he cause any damage?" Total silence. Hiromi cleared his throat.

"Did my client come with you willingly?" The police officer's face twisted, bitter and snide.

Hiromi blinked once, slowly. "I see. So, simple trespass really? With a minor, first offence? A caution at most, really, isn't it."

Yuuji looked over to Kento, who was busy scribbling something on Yuuji's paperwork, while Hiromi ground the police officer into the dirt on the other side of him.

"I assume you felt something inside the hospital. You weren't investigating just for fun?" A stern gaze through tinted lens.

"No, I...I think there's a Curse in there. Didn't get to it before I ran into the cops."

A hum. "Ah. I'll get Ijichi onto it." Yuuji nodded, his eyes prickling with tears. Kento's hand tightened on his shoulder, grounding him, a flood of warmth down through his body.

"How long were you here for? Before you decided to call me."

"Uh...four or five hours." A pregnant pause from Kento. A sigh, Kento's voice softening.

"You can always call me, Yuuji." Kento stood, straightening his cuffs. "You'll come home with me for dinner. You're hungry." Yuuji's belly rumbled in response. Kento's lips almost quirked at Yuuji's sunny grin, reminded of another boy he once knew.

In due time, Yuuji was released with a caution. Hiromi clapped him on the shoulder with a lopsided smile, giving Yuuji's jaw a pat, before leaving for home. Yuuji stood, glancing at his paperwork on the desk.

In the previously empty "Next of Kin" section, in neat block capitals, with a phone number and address, was listed: NANAMI KENTO.