#also most stuff regarding the content itself seems to be more focused on the skins and magical girls you can pull from the game

[perenlop]

ok ik im risking spoilers by doing this but i'm trying to find reviews for magireco and i havent seen a ton but oh god yeah the consensus seems to be “the game is better” or “what the fuck is happening”

[rivalsforlife]

The Miles Dadworth Fic Rec List

List last updated: May 14 2021

Hopefully comprehensive list of fics of Miles Edgeworth Being A Father. This can be heavily implied or him outright adopting a kid. Not filtered through for quality, I just picked all the ones I could find easily.

Here’s how it works: I went through the 29 fics in the platonic Miles&Kay tag on ao3 that weren’t also tagged with the ship (gross), and skimmed through the fics that listed them both in the character tags. I also went through the platonic Sebastian&Miles tag. (Pretty much all the Sebastian fics are under the aai2 spoilers category regardless of how much spoilers are actually in there, just to be on the safe side!) I picked out ones that were either Miles Is A Dad or at least had heavy Dad vibes, and in which that relationship played a major if not were the sole focus of the story.

I didn’t go through Trucy’s tag yet because it’s the largest and also overlaps heavily with narumitsu - and while I love the ship, I wanted to focus on platonic relationships here, and didn’t really want to break down if each fic is more Miles&Trucy focused or narumitsu focused. Maybe later! I also didn’t go through the fics with original child characters for Miles -- though if you have any, lmk and I’ll add in a category for them, it counts as Dadworth too.

In the interest of being transparent as possible, these options are probably going to be biased. I read over or at least skimmed all of the fics submitted here before I put together this list, and therefore, I probably missed some that are tagged under ships that I personally dislike. As long as the ship isn’t something egregious, feel free to recommend it preferably with the Dadworth parts you like pointed out to me, and I’ll add it!

Now that those disclaimers are done… each of the fics below is sorted into one of three categories based on spoilers. There’s the link, followed by the title, author, rating, word count, and completion status (most are complete) along with any notes I thought might be helpful, such as which Dadworth relationship it focuses on but also any content warnings. Check them out and send the authors your love!

If you have any recommendations for the list, whether that’s because it’s on a non-ao3 site, under a ship I avoided, under a Dadworth relationship I didn’t search for, or I just plain missed something… send me a message either here or on twitter @rivalsforlife with a link to the fic! 

Similarly, if one of your fics on this list and you don’t want it to be, let me know and I’ll remove you from it, no hard feelings!

Full list under the “keep reading”.

Relatively Spoiler-Free Recs

… like it’s not going to be totally spoiler-free, but no major spoilers for anything released post-AJ unless stated otherwise.

Surprise Visit, by tellezara. T, 1385 words, complete. Not explicitly Dadworth, but Kay breaks into Miles’s house and meets Phoenix. Background narumitsu.

Means to an End by xtwilightzx. T, 24653 words, complete. Miles + Kay and a little bit of Miles + Trucy, again there’s narumitsu haha oops there’s gonna be a lot of those. It’s a spy+secret agent AU, I kind of just went through the Kay parts when adding it so I didn’t read over a lot of it and it’s been a while since I read it the first time. Not a fluffy piece, so tread carefully!

startling conclusions., by snowweiss. G, 3589 words, complete. Mainly Miles + Trucy and also Kay is there, and again, background narumitsu. 

The Little Things, by TelepathJeneral. G, 1838 words, complete. Miles+Kay, literally tagged “the ‘dad who isn’t a dad’” so. Yeah.

By the Skies, by potatomin. G, 1893 words, complete. Miles + Kay, not outright dad-stuff and can be read as friendship-only but here I am anyways claiming it

Turnabout Road Trip, by AutisticWriter. G, 1032 words, complete. Miles + Kay, not outright dad stuff but there’s a line implying it. Miles and Kay go to the Stonewall Inn, and there’s implied narumitsu.

Dear Kay, by chariset. T, 3790 words, complete. As the name would suggest it’s Miles + Kay. Contains spoilers for Dual Destinies, largely narumitsu focused, and a few lines that are nsfw-ish (for the narumitsu) but nothing graphic.

Jingleheimer Schmidt, by Meowzee. T, 2702 words, complete. It’s an AU where Miles has adopted (younger) Kay, Sebastian, and Ema, running into Phoenix who has adopted Trucy and (younger) Apollo and (human?) Charley. There’s a bit of implied narumitsu in there I think.

The Track Meet, by Auste. G, 2053 words, complete. Kay invites Miles and Gumshoe to her track meet. It’s not outright Dadworth, can be read as friendship only, but it’s implied in a few places.

An Unexpected Embrace, by PaleSkiessss. G, 2493 words, complete. Miles+Kay, there’s a spoiler for the victim of AAI case 4 in there but since I don’t think it’s an outright spoiler it’s here. Warning for kidnapping and hopsitals.

A Real Hero, by agoldengalaxy. G, 1609 words, complete. Miles+Kay, it takes place after aai2 but there aren’t any spoilers for it in here. 

The Single-Dads-In-Law-Enforcement Club, by milesedgeworthy (glassandroses). T, 1063 words at the time of writing this, incomplete. AU where Miles adopts Kay (who is aged down in this). Narumitsu seems to be a future focus, there’s also Gumshoe/Maggey and Mia/Diego. 

Long Known Facts, by Laquilasse. G, 3010 words, complete. Miles+Kay and Miles+Trucy, along with Miles+Gregory (various Dadworth flavours!). Miles turns 36 and reflects on the loss of his father; it’s a little heavy, naturally, but has a hopeful ending. Narumitsu is there as a pairing. Warning for past suicidal thinking.

Looking Past the Blindside, by AuthorForHire. G, 2808 words, complete. Miles+Kay, watching the beginning of Turnabout Succession (hence, AA4 spoilers).

From Borginia, with Love, by Inkblot0Blue. G, 678 words, complete (but reportedly part of an earlier abandoned(?) work). Miles+Kay and Miles+Sebastian, but no spoilers pop up regarding Sebastian.

Found, by BexDaBex. G, 318 words, complete. Miles+Kay, Miles finds Kay crying in the prosecutor’s office.

To the victor goes the spoils, by Verse. G, 499 words, complete. Miles+Kay, Miles spends a ridiculous amount of money on Kay. Warning that, while the fic itself is fine and absolutely dadworth, it is based on a prompt and the prompter mentions it as a ship in the prompt. (Again, the fic itself is fine, just brace yourself for that if needed.)

Making the Most, by digitaldreams. G, 2000 words, complete. Miles+Kay, Miles introduces Kay to Phoenix. narumitsu is in this one.

AAI Spoilers

For fics that contain spoilers for the first investigations game, but not the second.

Room 1202, by AquilaMage, G, 2950 words, complete. A bit of Miles + Kay stuff, but mostly Kay and Trucy sister-like bonding fluff!

Late Night, by agoldengalaxy. G, 1270 words, complete. Miles + Kay, post-AAI.

Turnabout Smokescreen, by chariset. T, 61036 words, complete. This is a multi-chapter casefic, it’s not super Dadworth focused but believe me it is in there, Miles + Kay. Some SOJ spoilers, not very fluffy, and I didn’t read over it before adding it to the list since it’s so long, so there may be some warnings or spoilers that I missed!

Promises, by an orphaned account :(. G, 1390 words, complete. Miles + Kay, Miles signs her promise notebook.

Two in the Bush, by Rosage. G, 4568 words, complete. Miles has adopted Kay in this, and some Kay+Trucy interactions plus Protective Dad Phoenix -- it’s not a fluffy fic, though, deals with moral ambiguity + Actual Yatagarasu Kay.

Spreading Her Wings, by Auste. G, 1542 words, complete. Less Dadworth and more Miles as a mentor to Kay, on her first day as a prosecutor, but I’m counting it in this anyways.

Father and daughter, by thewritingchip. G, 370 words, complete. Miles + Kay. Kay misses her father.

Coming out, by Verse. G, 977 words, complete. Miles+Kay, Kay comes out as trans to Miles. Content warning for an instance of unintentional deadnaming in the fic.

Never Lose You, by Leave_the_cravat. T, 13800 words, incomplete as of the time I’m writing this. Miles+Kay, Miles get shot and his friends/found family wait for him to recover. Evidently, content warning for gun violence and hospitals; more detailed warnings in the chapters.

Here, by lesbiantoddhoward.  G, 1194 words, complete. Miles+Kay, Kay works through some of her trauma post-AAI with the help of Miles. Not outright dadworth, but can be read as such.

AAI2 Spoilers

For fics that contain any amount of spoilers for the second investigations game.

Childswap, by theacegrace, aka me… sorry for the self-promotion haha but it fits. G, 11781 words, complete, has Miles’ relationships with Trucy + Kay + Sebastian (and also background, heavily implied narumitsu)

“family.”, by snowweiss. G, 2403 words, complete, features Miles’ relationships with Kay and Trucy and also narumitsu. No major plot spoilers but some implied ones through aai2 case 3 and 4.

These Children Are Not Objections, But I Will Raise Them!, by organicgold. G, 12368 words, complete. Has a whole bunch of platonic relationships you can see in the tags and also narumitsu. Some plot spoilers re: Sebastian

Edgeworth Gets Glasses, by Pinkstar14, G, 1516 words, complete. There aren’t any aai2 plot spoilers but Ray and Sebastian do show up in this. A bit of Miles and Sebastian, and Miles and Kay. Also Gregory’s Ever-Looming Presence, because technically he’s a dadworth too.

a great thief has to eat too, by polly_perks. G, 1357 words, complete. Some spoilers for cases 4 and 5 in here, focused on Miles and Kay. Miles gives Kay college advice.

Family Found, by MortisBane. G, 2422 words, complete. Spoilers are just General Sebastian things, but it’s outright dadworth with Kay and Sebastian.

Marked, by AquilaMage. T, 2112 words, complete. Kind of like one of those “soulmate AUs” except skin-to-skin contact with someone who truly loves you, whether that’s platonic, familial, or romantic, results in marks. Has some Miles + Sebastian dad stuff, but Miles also has Sebastian and Kay living with him. There’s also the Klavier/Sebastian ship. Warnings for implied child abuse.

That Warm Familiar Feeling, by ShyAura. G, 3091 words, complete. It’s an AU where Kay and Seb are aged down and Miles adopts them. Again warnings for implied child abuse in this re: Blaise.

Sleeping on Talent, by StrawhatsAndDeliberds. G, 10258 words, complete. Mostly Miles + Sebastian focused, but Miles adopts both him and Kay after the events of aai2 (or at least lets them live in his house.)

With a Chip in his Shoulder, by StrawhatsAndDeliberds. G, 80179 words at the time of writing this, incomplete. Much like the one above, Miles+Sebastian focused but Kay is there too. (I’m not sure if this is supposed to be part of a series or not, but it’s similar with Sebastian working through his issues!)

Surprises and Pride, by agoldengalaxy. G, 2848 words, complete. Miles+Kay but Sebastian is there too, I don’t think there are any aai2 spoilers but since it takes place post-aai2 and Sebastian is there, I put it here just to be safe!

Awfully Quiet, by rainingbluegold. G, 1079 words, complete. Miles+Kay and Miles+Sebastian, Miles cheers them up after the events of aai2.

Home Is Where The Heart Is, by JJsADragon. G, 5887 words, complete. Miles+Kay - Miles tries to figure out Kay’s secret about where she’s been staying throughout the course of the investigations games. 

Birds of a Feather, by theacegrace (oh look it’s me again). G, 8738 words, complete. Miles+Kay (with a little bit of Miles+Gregory). Five times Miles reminds Kay of her father, and one time Miles reminds himself of his own.

Warm Welcome, by debestefarewell. G, 551 words, complete. Miles+Sebastian - Sebastian gets a REAL dad.

Of Revelations and Wedding Bells, by Hotel_Japanifornia. G, 1330 words, complete. Miles+Kay, Kay is getting married (to an ambiguous/unknown partner) and Miles walks her down the aisle.

schön rosmarin, by KiwiKat_Writes. T, 13885 words at the time of writing this, incomplete. Miles+Sebastian and some Miles+Kay. Sebastian gets a dog! Warnings for some child abuse (Blaise being horrible), mentioned animal death at the beginning. (I haven’t had the time to read this one in detail yet, so let me know if I missed something.)

Smile Through the Memories, by VonKarmasWhip. T, 2490 words, complete. Miles+Kay, where Miles adopts Kay and deals with memories and doubts about being a father. There’s Gregbadd in the beginning of this and mentions of narumitsu and faraskye.

A Different Kind of Lullaby, by JJsADragon. T, 4101 words, complete. Miles+Sebastian, Sebastian calls Miles in the middle of the night wondering what happened to his mother. Content warning for Blaise being terrible, so implied/referenced child abuse and neglect.

Photosynthesize, by UtterPandamonium. T, 2140 words, incomplete at the time of writing this. Miles+Kay, with Miles and Phoenix and their accidental child acquisitions. No spoilers yet, but I’m putting it here just in case there is. narumitsu and franmaya are tagged as relationships in here.

[legendoftheghost]

NSFW Headcanon: Jin Sakai 

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex) 

Jin believes practicing aftercare will naturally develop closer, more intimate bonds with his partner. After sex, he is particularly vulnerable; they’re naked, they have (hopefully) just had an orgasm, and one of the most intrinsic need for him is that need to ensure that positive state of mind continues. Everyone feels good when he knows his partner cares for him, and what better way to show it than tending to his partner when they both are in a vulnerable post-sex state of mind? Jin is especially susceptible to the post-coital blues, and even when he is seemingly highly independent, somewhat repressed and distanced with expressing emotions, I think this will be the perfect time for him to take a plunge and attempt to cuddle and engage in deeper conversations. 

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) 

His entirety? Despite his fears of failure and flaws on his body, Jin Sakai is a man comfortable in his skin. From the crown of his head to the end of his toe, Jin Sakai has a body of a seasoned warrior; as a disciplined samurai, he had learned not only martial arts, but swordsmanship, horse riding, hunting, how to survive in the wilderness with bare essentials, and he literally has zero ounce of excessive fat on his body. 

He’s not the strongest, biggest warrior, a powerhouse who can dominate and overwhelm enemies with brute strength, but he’s compact, sculpted with enough muscle definition, and corded with lean strength that only comes from meticulous care. Younger Jin used to hate the scar that would continue to bleed and bruise due to excessive bullying, but now that he is the Ghost, he thinks it only gives him character. After all, scars build character. And out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars, and Jin Sakai is a prime example of one. 

Jin isn’t very particular when it comes to his partner’s favorite body part, but if his partner has anything that contrasts Jin’s own, he would obsess over that and touch him/her over and over. It could be the sensuous curve of the woman’s narrow waistand widening hips, the budding swell of her breasts and slender neck, or another man’s expansive chest and strong arms and legs embracing and cradling him. 

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person) 

He doesn’t like the mess, and would prefer if he came inside his partner, but the one thing he finds it extremely appealing is coming on his partner’s stomach. 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) 

Jin loves talking about sex with partners, friends, whoever. To him, sex in essentiality is a fascinating subject that's different for each individual yet common to people all (in some way), and he finds it endlessly depressing that it's a taboo subject.everybody (for the most part) needs sex and wants to have sex, so Jin believes that people should be able to talk about it openly, and he will sass and awkwardly joke and humor with insinuations of sex in normal conversations. 

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?) 

He snuck into Clan Sakai and Shimura’s personal archive / library and would sneak in some erotic illustrations of the time in curiosity. Despite the general lack of experience and focusing on his strenuous trainings, he would have fulfilled some curiosity of sexual exploration through masturbation and through secretive excursions with Ryuzo. 

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual) 

His preferred positions are; The Victory position, Doggy Style, Shoulder Hold, Lifted Missionary, and Lotus

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc) 

Appearing too serious is Jin Sakai’s greatest flaw; being too serious which is Jin’s principal trait doesn't seem like such a bad thing, but it could create some issues regarding sexual explorations. 

Social anxiety.

Perfectionism.

Social awkwardness.

Fight or Flight responses to most things (Can't laugh inconveniences off or smoothly escape conflicts because of over seriousness, which is likely to do the opposite, in other words escalate minor conflicts to big ones).

Overthinking and not living in the moment.

Not having fun due to exaggerated thinking about the consequences.

Jin may be a sassmaster and likes to throw in some dry humor in between, but that’s his coping mechanism to lesson and ease his insecurity and stress that stems from even the sexual act itself, but in the act, he’s deadpan serious. 

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.) 

Judging by the full thatch of his beard, I’d like to think that he’s pretty thick and ample down there as well, peppered with hair below his belly button, and a nice, sizable thatch of his pubic hair. 

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

Jin does crave intimacy during sex, and this is something which becomes very important to him. Jin is at his most vulnerable, candor, raw, and open, and if it’s not a casual sex only to fulfill the needs to get off than anything else, Jin still needs and wants to build some sort of friendship or connection beforehand. Their sexual performance is then more about action than it is about emotions and deeper layers of intimacy, and with more deeply-connected intimacy, he would rather focus on both the physical and mental connection, which could make it much difficult to come with him. Regardless, he is tender, and will attempt to initiate; especially stroking his partner’s back, the side of his/her face, raking through his/her hair, etc.  

 J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon) 

Jin likes the stop-squeeze technique, which is a form of ejaculatory control. It allows him to near the point of climax and then back off suddenly by holding the tip of the penis until the sensation subsides. He likes to do this multiple times to make his orgasm much more intense. While it could be a tedious or time-consuming practice, he likes that explosiveness and exquisite high he gets from it. 

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks) 

Shibari (kinbaku), aka rope sex: Contrasts are central to Shibari: intricate geometric patterns with the natural curves of the body, rough rope against soft skin and vulnerability side by side with strength. The practice can also lead to a trance-like experience for the tied partner and a rush of adrenalin for the artist, or rigger.

Erotic Asphyxiation (breath play): This type of sexual activity involves intentionally cutting off the air supply for you or your partner with choking, suffocating, and other acts. People who are into breath play say it can heighten sexual arousal and make orgasms more intense.

Dirty Talk: Jin can have a little trouble getting out of his own mind. However, in this case, it’s less about being able to connect to the body than it is a fear of letting go. A little dirty talk goes a long way in making him forget his fears and let loose.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do) 

Taking in consideration of his fugitive life, it would be somewhere relatively hidden and private. Especially in nature; against the tree trunk, near the lake or an ocean when the weather accompanies Jin’s mood, and empty, abandoned houses. 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going) 

Jin is almost always turned on, and has higher than normal sex drive. He’s one of those who craves intimacy and wants to share himself with someone special, even though it doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t participate in any given opportunities when they are presented. It can feel like a chore and not really something he wants to waste their time or energy on if they cannot converse well to begin with. There must be underlying honesty and genuinity in order for Jin to at least partake in a casual sex. 

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) 

Cockiness – specifically unwarranted arrogance accompanied by a smug attitude. Lack of a sense of humor – unless they’re the one dishing it out. Flaking – because flakes are some of the most unappealing individuals to build any type of relationship with.  Being goalless and content with life — having zero aspirations for the future. Liars – but not even about significant stuff. Just unnecessary lies, made up stories and exaggerations when a fib is pointless. Vulgar language finding its way into every, single, sentence spoken. Baseless cattiness, malicious comments and disdain toward others. Humiliation and degradation.  BDSM for BDSM’s sake without exploration, caution, and mutual respect. 

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc) 

He’s much more inclined to receive than give. While Jin lacks the scope of experiences, he is skilled with his tongue, very attentive, considerate, and careful to observe his partner’s reaction. Because he is a perfectionist, he will attempt his absolute best to pleasure his partner and send him/her over the edge. He expects the same when he’s on the receiving end. 

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.) 

The act in itself is viewed essentially as a series of steps to his and his partner’s mutual satisfaction. It entirely depends on their shared needs. As a dominant top, Jin is likely to be a very passionate lover, focused on the connection he gains from this experience. He does appreciate and sees how much closer sex can bring him to someone he loves, and would rather be patient waiting for the right person to share this with, because for him to reach this step, it would have taken a lot of trial and error. He definitely likes things to built up towards the climax, exploring different positions to find their needs satisfied. 

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.) 

Jin actually prefers quickie, because it offers a much-needed opportunity to relieve stress, strengthen a relationship, and get off at a time when intimacy, connection, and, well, time, are luxuries (especially with him on the run). Prefers mutual masturbations, than penetrative sex. 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.) 

Jin is likely to be a very passionate lover, focused on the connection he gains from this experience. He sees how much closer sex can bring him to someone he loves, and would rather be patient waiting for the right person to share this with. If he’s in a long-term relationship, he will be more than willing to experiment and take risks. It all depends on their shared interest, and Jin would be open to try everything at least once. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…) 

From his strenuous training as not only as a samurai, but as the Ghost on the run, Jin has extremely high stamina and will be able to go on for more than a few rounds if his partner is up for it.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?) 

Occasionally will use Geisha balls / beaded necklaces for added pleasure, mostly one another in reciprocated masturbations. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) 

He isn’t very good at teasing, unless it’s with words. He is rather straightforward with his actions, because he doesn’t like to deceive with his affectionate, tender touches. 

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make) 

On the quiet side, and for most of the lovemaking, he will make soft, gentle moans that turn into animalistic grunt when he’s on the verge of orgasm. 

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice) 

Perhaps one of the simplest, yet most potent sexual fantasies Jin has is just having his partner direct the sex script for the night. Whether it's a full-on dominant or simply a partner who knows what he or she wants and how to get it, he finds the thrill of a confident and sexual partner to be very appealing.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words) 

He is uncircumcised, his shaft is curved slightly upward, with veins that snake along the underside. His member is longer than average (around 13cm when erect) and has considerable girth (9 centimeters when erect). 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?) 

Jin has rather active sex drive. It’s not a particularly powerful sex drive, for he could always resort to, and might prefer his own imaginations. His inner minds are rather rich place, and he doesn’t always feel like outwardly expressing this side of himself.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

All depends on Jin’s condition on that day; judging on the Ghost’s life (on the run, essentially a fugitive ronin), and a slew of traumas and PTSD trailing his back, Jin Sakai suffers from insomnia. While he has high stamina and could go for more than a couple of rounds when he’s in a particularly frisky mood, but one intense round could have him knocked out exhausted. He’s a kind of a guy that sneaks in sleep whenever and however it comes, so he would let himself fade away for an hour or two, before he’s coaxed to awake. 

[werewolfdays]

first impressions

We’re gonna backtrack in their timeline a bit. Just have the normal Bring Your Werewolf Girlfriend To Meet The Family stuff. Yeah, totally normal. (CONTENT WARNING: abuse mention) - 

We sat in our car, parked in front of the strange house, and I silently stared out of my window to regard it. Nothing about it looked particularly sinister or out of place in the slightest, it was simply another house on the street. There were two stories, a welcoming shade of sky blue with a white trim, the small lawn was perfectly green and mowed. If I had searched for stock photos of a suburban home on the internet, there would be countless versions of this house plastered all over my laptop screen. The entire image was meant to be calming and inviting. But this was the place where Nadya grew up. Where she spent most of her childhood in fear of her brother with no one else besides clueless parents to protect her. I hated this house. And we were about to spend the entire weekend in it. 

I gripped the steering wheel in a white knuckled grasp for an entirely different reason than my loathing of the building. My jaw clenched as I prepared for what was about to come. Without turning to look at Nadya, I spoke, “You’re sure about this?”

“I have to do this, Jay.” Nadya answered. 

“You don’t.” 

“They’re my parents,” Her tone wasn’t as sure as the words she was speaking, “If I don’t at least try... then I know I’ll regret it.” 

I finally turned to look at her beside me in the passenger seat. Nadya’s expression matched the apprehension and dread I sensed coming off of her, but she still managed to look determined. Her eyes implored me to trust her. Of course I would trust her no matter what. I also found it endearing that she was willing to put in this much effort to reconnect with her parents, even if I was certain that they didn’t deserve a daughter like her. 

“Okay.” I relented with an exhale and threw a wary glance at the house again. 

“Are you nervous?” Nadya asked curiously. 

My gaze shot back to her with a frown. “No.” 

She raised an eyebrow at me, not fooled by that lie in the slightest, “You are.” 

“You’re nervous, so I’m nervous.” I deflected. 

While that wasn’t a completely untrue statement, she still saw through it. Nadya studied my face for a few short moments before an understanding dawned on her, “You’re scared to meet them.”

I broke eye contact and focused back on the steering wheel, releasing another sigh, “Well, like you said, they’re your parents… a part of me still wants them to like me.” 

Nadya’s hand reached out and wrapped around my wrist, gently pulling my hand away from the steering wheel and up to her lips where she placed a kiss to the back of it. My eyes locked on to hers yet again while her lips began to caress my knuckles and I felt my muscles slowly relax. I would miss being so candidly affectionate with her while we were here. I knew it would only be for the weekend, but I was already dreading having to keep my urges to touch her and kiss her whenever I wanted in check. 

“I’m sure they’ll like you.” Nadya offered. 

I gave her a grateful smile, “Maybe they’ll like me as your friend.” 

She lowered my hand to cradle against her chest and pursed her lips, “I guess we’ll find out on Sunday…” 

I sensed her anxiety spike at that sentence and it made both me and my wolf restless. Nadya truly didn’t have any clue how her parents would react to them knowing that she was a lesbian, that her and I were together, but she was adamant about telling them before we left. Until then, I couldn’t give anything away about her or us. 

“Think you can pretend that you aren’t in love with me for a few days?” She asked with a small sly smile. 

My head tilted to the side, resting on the seat of the car, and I continued to gaze at her. It was always far too easy to get lost in those warm brown eyes of hers, especially when they caught a single ray of sunlight breaking through the clouds like they were right now, “I hope so. I’ll try my best, at least.” 

Her sly smile grew into a full grin, her cheeks flushing, “Maybe start by not looking at me like that.”

I felt my face grow hot, as I hadn’t noticed I was doing it, and I forced myself to look away. Then I realized this moment in the car with her would be the last place where we wouldn’t have to hide until the weekend was over. Like a magnet, my eyes found hers again, soaking up every bit of her that they could without apology, making sure I had enough of her memorized to keep myself satiated for a few days. There was just one more thing I needed to get me through it. 

“I probably shouldn’t kiss you like this either,” I muttered as I leaned in. 

The sensation of Nadya’s softness against my mouth seemed to slow time itself around us. My senses zeroed in on her, the rest of the world dimming like a dying fire, turning into an unimportant muffled buzz at the back of my mind. Her taste and her warmth pulled me in, pulled me closer to her as my hand reached up to tangle in her hair. The rhythmic thumping of her heart skipped a few beats and her lips parted mine in a silent plea for more. I was eager to give her whatever she wanted while also indulging in what every instinct inside of me was aching for. 

Our passion was just as easy to get lost in as staring into her eyes. Maybe even more because soon it wasn’t just my surroundings that became forgotten, it was our reason for being here. If it were up to me, we would stay in this car until we had to break away for breath, then I would drive us far away from here where Nadya wouldn’t have to worry about a family that didn’t love her like my pack and I could.

But I knew that’s not what Nadya wanted. Not yet at least. So I had to be the one to pull away from her and bring her back from the intoxication that was consuming the both of us. She tried to follow my retreating lips and I couldn’t resist giving her one more soft peck before severing all contact. 

Nadya blinked at me a few times to shake herself out of it. Her fingertips touched her own lips with a small smile, almost like she could still feel mine, “Yeah… probably not like that.” she uttered breathlessly.    

I couldn’t hold back a crooked grin, “You think you will be able to pretend you aren’t in love with me for a few days?”

She released a quiet scoff and lowered her hand, “I can’t make any promises.” 

I noticed her eyes kept shifting down to my mouth like she was fighting the urge to kiss me again. I leaned further away from her in the hopes of lessening the temptation. As much as I wanted to tease her, this would not be the place for it, “Are you ready?”

Nadya took in a very deep breath, holding it for several beats, and then releasing it in a sigh that nearly trembled, “As ready as I’ll ever be.” 

“Okay,” My hand squeezed hers in encouragement, silently promising that this wouldn’t be our last touch this weekend. I would find ways to remind her I was by her side, even if I had to sneak affection like some love-struck idiot teenager, “Let’s go.” 

We got out of the car and I went to the trunk to retrieve our bags. A part of me hesitated to grab my duffle once I slung Nadya’s pack over my shoulder. I was fairly certain I wouldn’t need it, and if I got caught with it somehow, that would result in a completely different level of awkwardness, but I would feel too vulnerable without something. I did a quick glance over my surroundings, making sure there were no witnesses, and then opened the secret compartment in the trunk to pull out a handgun. After subtly checking the loaded chamber and making sure the safety was on, I slipped it into my bag and buried it in my belongings. 

I looked up as I was rearranging things to see Nadya come into view. She looked into the trunk when I zipped the bag up and met my eyes again in a way that confirmed she knew exactly what I had been doing. I offered an apologetic wince, but didn’t remove the gun. Nadya didn’t say anything despite her disapproving expression. A part of me wanted to put the gun back, I really didn’t want to bring a weapon like that into her parents’ home, but I hadn’t survived this many years being hunted without being a little paranoid. I suspected Nadya understood that, which was why she kept quiet.  

“It’s just in case. I don’t plan on using it.” I explained. 

“I know.” She said with a simple nod, then gestured for me to follow her, “Come on.” 

With the duffle’s straps in my hand, I pulled it out and shut the trunk. Every step closer to the house made my nerves prickle under my skin, almost as if my wolf wanted to protect both me and Nadya from the people inside. I had to remind myself that her brother was thousands of miles away, deployed overseas. With any luck, he’d get blown to bits and I wouldn’t have to worry about doing it myself one day. 

Nadya didn’t bother knocking on the front door of the house. I suppose it was her house after all, but I was slightly thrown that I wouldn’t have the few moments to prepare myself that waiting for her parents to answer would have given me. She noticed my hesitation at the threshold and offered an encouraging smile. 

“You’re gonna do great.” She promised quietly, briefly grabbing my wrist to pull me inside. 

“Sure…” I mumbled under my breath. 

“Mom? Dad?” Nadya called into the house, “We’re here!”

Towards the back of the house, I heard a running faucet suddenly shut off. The kitchen, I suspected. Then I heard someone else stir from a separate room, perhaps an office, soon followed by two sets of footsteps approaching us in the living room. 

I cautioned a glance around, appreciating the fireplace and how surprisingly warm the atmosphere in the home was. A collection of picture frames rested on the mantle and I caught a glimpse of a much younger looking Nadya in one of the photos. I smiled to myself as my eyes lingered there, but it quickly faded when I saw Ruben standing next to her. He couldn’t have been older than sixteen in the picture, but I still wanted to tear his throat out. I forced myself to look away and took a deep breath to snuff out my short rush of fury. 

A middle aged man, Nadya’s father, arrived first. The lines on his face that framed light blue eyes seemed to give him a permanent stern glower, even his grin did little to soften it, and his teeth were so perfect and white that it would put the Kincades’ flawless smiles to shame. His light brown hair, that was more salt and pepper at the sides, was gelled and styled almost formally, and he wore a button-up shirt as white as his teeth tucked into khaki slacks. Even the way he carried himself was professional. 

He noted my presence, giving me a quick once-over and sizing me up. It wasn’t a very welcoming feeling to be scrutinized on the spot, but I stood my ground and allowed him to inspect the stranger in his home that was accompanying his daughter. 

“Hey, dad.” Nadya greeted, pulling his attention away from me. 

I watched Nadya’s father inspect her in almost the same manner as he had inspected me. Then I realized it had to be a long time since they’ve seen each other. Maybe it’s even been years. 

He gave her another smile and a nod, “Good to see you, sweetie.” 

It puzzled me when there was no attempt at an embrace. I hardly expected anything over the top, but there was a noticeable awkwardness between parent and child that I’ve never witnessed before, and certainly never experienced myself. My father would have wrapped me in a big hug as soon as he saw me, called me ‘pup’, and kissed the top of my head. At first glance, I would have never guessed these two were even related. 

Before I was able to dwell on it any further, Nadya’s mother entered the living room. Long black hair, with only a few streaks of gray here and there, fell smoothly down her shoulders and to the woman’s mid back. Her eyes were the same warm brown as Nadya’s were and her skin tone was several shades lighter than that, but still noticeably darker than the fair skin of the father. It took me a moment to place the woman as a Native American. 

Nadya shared more facial features with her mother than her father. The eye color, of course, but also the nose and cheekbones. Nadya’s mother also had a natural softness in her expression, just like her daughter did, one that made me more at ease in the strange home. 

The reunion between mother and daughter was warmer than with her father, “Oh, I’m so glad you’re finally home.” Nadya’s mother cooed with a smile, grabbing her daughter’s hands and leaning in to place a kiss on her cheek. 

“Me too, mom.” Nadya said. Her muscles were still tense, but I watched her relax a fraction under the comfort from her mother. Then Nadya turned to me, “This is my friend, Jayde.” 

The word friend made me cringe internally, and I could hear a subtle fluctuation in Nadya’s voice when she spoke it that told me she didn’t like it any more than I did, but I still stepped forward and offered my hand, “It’s nice to meet you both.” 

Her mother shook my hand first, “Nice to meet you too, I’m Winona.” 

“Richard.” Her father said next, giving me an almost delicate handshake. Feeling a little offended that he held back, I squeezed his hand firmly and watched his brow perk up a centimeter. 

A tiny bit of rebelliousness didn’t stop me from being polite and pleasant, “Thank you for inviting me into your home.” 

“Please, it’s our pleasure.” Winona replied, then noticed the bags I was holding, “Here, I’ll show you where you can put your things.” 

Nadya reached for her bag, I handed it to her and followed Winona towards the stairs. Nadya followed close behind me, but Richard remained in the living room. I felt his eyes on me through my entire ascent up the stairs and had to resist the urge to throw him a scowl. He was very unsure of me. Maybe it was my appearance that threw him off. I was a bit rough around the edges, even cleaning up couldn’t hide the scars and my unintentionally intimidating resting expression. If I had done something to deserve it, I could let it go, but I’d hardly done anything to arouse suspicion or mistrust yet, so I was a little annoyed. 

“You can stay in Ruben’s room while you’re here.” Winona told me once we reached the top of the stairs.  

I should have expected that, but the sentence made my stomach drop and the rest of my body recoil in utter disgust beyond my control. I tried to recover when Winona looked over at me, “Oh, that’s okay, I can sleep on the couch just fine.”

“No, you’re a guest here.” Winona insisted. She saw that I was about to argue further and put a hand up, “He hasn’t been home in a long time, I’m sure he won’t mind.” 

“Jayde can take my room and I can take Ruben’s.” Nadya offered. 

“No.” I replied, probably too quickly and too firmly. Both Nadya and her mother looked a little taken aback by my intensity. I forced an easy going smile and relented, “I’ll take his room. Thank you.” 

Winona brushed my behavior off rather easily, “Or course. Why don’t you two get settled and come downstairs so we can figure out where to go for lunch?”��

“We’ll be down in a couple minutes.” Nadya confirmed, “Thanks mom.” 

Her mother gave her a smile and squeezed her upper arm as she walked past us to go back down the stairs. As soon as her mother was out of sight, Nadya looked at me with deep regret. She must not have thought they would just offer up her brother’s room so easily, even in his absence. I simply shook my head with a small smile to ease her worry and made my way to the room Winona had motioned towards as Nadya reluctantly disappeared into her own room. 

While I have never met Ruben, his stench still made me want to retch. There wasn’t anything objectively bad about it, I suppose, but it was so heavily ingrained into his room and all I could picture was his grin in that photo with Nadya. All I could imagine was that story about her confronting him for the first time in this very room and him nearly strangling her to death because of it. I eyed every wall, thinking, Was that where he shoved her? Where he threatened to take her life? 

I did not want to touch a single thing, didn’t even want to set my duffle bag on the neatly made bed. The only thing I could do was stand in the center of the room and silently seethe. After a few long moments of trying to calm myself down, I just dropped my bag on the floor where I was standing, kneeling down to retrieve the weapon I had stashed inside of it. 

“I’m sorry.” Nadya suddenly said behind me, causing me to look over my shoulder at her standing in the doorway, “I thought maybe they would let us stay in the same room or something. Guess this isn’t really like a high school sleepover…” 

“It’s not your fault, Nadya.” I assured her quietly, focusing back on rifling through my bag, “It’s not like I’m actually gonna sleep in here anyway.” 

“Still… you shouldn’t have to be in here.” 

I looked behind me at her again, this time in shock. After a couple of confused blinks, I retrieved my gun, tucking it into my waistband to conceal it, and stood, “You shouldn’t have to be in here.” I corrected, walking over to her and gently leading her away from the room with my hand on her back, “You shouldn’t ever have to set foot in that room again.” 

“I’m fine, Jay.” Nadya told me. 

Surprisingly, her tone didn’t suggest otherwise, “So am I. Don’t worry about me.” 

“Says the girl with the gun hidden in her pants.” She countered with a lighthearted grin.

I matched her expression, “Exactly.” 

As soon as we arrived back in the living room, Richard spoke up, “Have you ever been to the city, Jayde?”

“You mean San Francisco?” I assumed and he nodded, “I can’t say that I have.”

“Perfect. I know an excellent deem sum place.” He didn’t wait for the others to approve before he retrieved a coat and made his way towards the front door, “Maybe we can even show you around a little afterwards, since you’ve never been.” 

“That sounds great.” I agreed amicably, “Should we drive together or separately?” 

“Oh, together.” Richard answered, like that should have been the most obvious thing, “You never want to take more than one car into the city if you can help it.”  

“That congested, huh?”

“Some days it’s worse.” 

“That’s usually why I try to avoid highly populated areas.” Too many people meant too much traffic, too much traffic meant no easy escape routes, no easy escape routes meant capture or death. I usually avoided big cities at all costs for this very reason, but surely I could convincingly act like a human for a few hours with Nadya’s family. I doubted San Francisco will be teeming with hunters. 

He chuckled, “Very smart of you.” 

I glanced at Nadya while we were walking out the door as if to say, Did you see? I can get along! Her response was an amused, yet encouraging, smile. 

Richard owned a very well kept Cadillac. There wasn’t a single scratch on the black paint, its surface so spotless that its reflections were crystal clear, and the interior smelled of fine leather, which was more comforting than I expected it to be. Nadya sat next to me in the back with both her parents in front, making me feel better to be so close to her.

Most of the car ride was spent in a silence that wasn’t exactly comfortable. The closer we got to the cluster of tall buildings in the distance, the more tense my body became. I ran through all kinds of different scenarios, ranging from me completely blowing this entire visit to being jumped by hunters and having to figure out a way to get Nadya and her family to safety. The skyscrapers looming on the approaching horizon was a sight to behold for sure, but all I could see was a death trap. 

As I was lost in my own anxious thoughts, I felt the barest brush against my pinky finger. I risked a quick glance at my hand that was resting on the seat in between me and Nadya to see her pinky subtly reaching for mine. When my glance traveled up to her face, she was silently staring out of her window, giving no indication that she was doing such a thing, besides the hint of a smile at the corner of her mouth. 

The small touch was significant in calming my nerves. I wanted nothing more than to take her hand in mine and pull her close, but I settled for sticking my finger out to caress her back in recognition. We were able to stay like that for a while, until we entered the city itself and Richard finally spoke up again, yanking me out of Nadya’s orbit. 

“There are lots of amazing places to eat in the city, I have a few favorites to stop by on my lunch breaks, but we only go to this restaurant for special occasions.” 

The sound of his voice made me reflexively pull my hand away from Nadya’s, but I was certain he didn’t notice. “You work in the city?”

“Yes, at my family's dentistry.” He answered while navigating the narrow streets, “What do you do for work, Jayde?” 

I expected this to be a question, but I still struggled with an answer that wouldn’t give too much away. All of the overwhelming noises of the city outside weren’t helping, “Um, well, I’m a security guard of sorts.” 

“A security guard, huh? What do you guard?”

“If I told you that, I’d have to kill you.” I replied humorously in hopes to deflect on the topic and I was relieved to hear some amused laughs. 

“Sounds like you’re bound by an NDA.” Richard mused. 

“Yeah, something like that.” 

“You’re gonna love this place we’re going to, Jay.” Nadya spoke, changing the subject, much to my relief, “The food is so delicious and there’s an amazing waterfall indoors.” 

“Yes, it’s the perfect place to bring someone you want to impress.” Winona added, casting a smile over her shoulder at me and Nadya. 

Maybe it was mostly meant in jest, but I couldn’t help feeling a little encouraged by it, “Speaking of impressing people, I hope you guys don’t mind me cooking dinner for you tonight.” 

“Oh, you cook?” Winona asked excitedly. 

“She’s an amazing cook,” Nadya jumped in with the same amount of enthusiasm, “She put together this beautiful dinner for our first- uh, for the first time we hung out together as friends. It was over a campfire and she cooked for everyone that was there. It had to be the best meal I’ve ever had.” 

Winona thankfully didn’t seem to catch Nadya stumbling over her words and nearly mentioning our first date. Instead, she looked impressed by her daughter’s praise for my talent, “Wow. In that case, I can’t wait to taste what you have planned for us.” 

“I hope you’ll enjoy it.” 

Richard announced our arrival when the car came to a stop in front of one of the seemingly endless tall buildings in this city. I reluctantly got out of the car and tried not to get vertigo from looking up at the gargantuan structures all around me. The one we were about to enter wasn’t the largest one by far- actually, its size could be deemed modest compared to the others, but it still stretched several stories up, apart from a couple of wings branching off that only appeared to be about five stories. 

I hadn’t realized how much the inside of the car shielded me from the cacophony of sounds and smells that assaulted my senses. Car engines, sirens, crowds, all flooded my hearing. There were far too many scents to name, almost all of them terrible enough to taste on my tongue, but I hung on to the ones that didn’t make me want to cover my mouth and nose to avoid gagging. Like the scents of restaurants serving food carrying through the wind. And the comforting scent of Nadya as she inched closer to me. 

I met her gaze to see her studying me with a concerned frown. The corners of my mouth perked up to reassure her that I was okay. It was only a little overwhelming. I’d get used to it eventually. 

We followed her parents into one of the shorter wings of the center and my line of sight was immediately drawn to the impressive glass ceiling. It rose up as high as the building, letting massive rays of light pour in and reflect off of the spotless tiled floor. It made the entire interior of the building look incredibly open and lively, almost like we were outside and not confined to a space. Then I noticed a square in the glass ceiling that was dropping a waterfall down into the center of everything, a glittering shower that looked enchanting in its own right. 

I couldn’t hold back a grin at how beautiful this was. It calmed whatever anxiety was lingering in my head. “Wow…” I mumbled as I continued to stare.

Nadya playfully bumped my shoulder with hers, “Pretty cool, huh?”

“I see why you would bring people here to impress them.” I agreed with a nod. 

“Wait until you taste the food.” Richard said with a proud look on his face. 

The four of us sat at a table close enough to the waterfall that I could feel the occasional spray of mist on my arm. The food itself was well deserving of all the praise it had been given, every bite was as fulfilling as the last and I soon found my plate becoming empty. Small talk was the only kind of discussion around the table and I was trying my hardest to maintain a pleasant face despite the fact that it was starting to get unbearably tedious. That is, until a particular question from Richard made the remnants of my food suddenly inedible. 

“So, Jayde, what does your family do?” 

My jaw clenched for a moment as I reached for my glass of water, “My sister is a computer technician.” 

“And your parents?” He pressed curiously. 

“Dad,” Nadya said in a soft warning tone.

“It’s okay.” I told Nadya and cleared my throat before addressing her father, “They passed a long time ago.” 

“Oh.” Was all he said, though he looked slightly embarrassed. 

“That’s terrible.” Winona sounded more empathic, her hand coming up to her chest, “What happened?”

“An accident. I was sixteen.” I answered curtly.

Her head shook, “I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you.” 

You have no idea, I wanted to say sarcastically, but bit my tongue, “It was hard, but it was also a long time ago.” 

“The accident… Is that where…?” Richard pointed at his own face, around the areas where I had scars on mine. 

“Some of them, yes.” I answered truthfully.

“Some of them?” 

“Jayde was in another accident.” Nadya chimed in quickly, “That’s how we met. I was treating her at the hospital.” 

Richard’s eyebrows raised in surprise and he looked back at me, “You don’t have much luck with cars, it seems.” 

“More like I don’t have much luck with people.” I corrected him with a smug grin, “I’m actually pretty handy with cars.”

“Are you?” He asked in a patronizing tone. 

My eyes narrowed slightly, “I was an apprentice to a mechanic for about six months a few years ago. I was in that shop all day, every day, and he taught me everything personally. I even still have the bike he gave me and I take care of it as well as the people you pay to take care of your Cadillac.”

Richard’s eyes narrowed back at me for a few long moments. I could tell he was trying to make me back down for the snide comment, but I held my ground and didn’t break eye contact. Just when I thought the tension had grown too thick, he let out a laugh. It still sounded a bit strained, but it lightened the mood once more. 

“Well, maybe I’ll ask you for some pointers then.” 

I bared my teeth in what could barely pass as a smile, “I’d gladly give them.” 

Then Richard directed his attention to his daughter, “Since you mentioned it, Nadya, how are things going at the hospital? At school?”

The sudden change in topic caught Nadya completely off guard. She had been so focused on covering for me that she must not have predicted that this question would arise, at least not here, because I was fairly sure that her father knew she was no longer attending school in person or working at the hospital. His tone and expression, one of a scolding parent, confirmed that suspicion. 

Nadya slowly sat up straight, her whole body frozen, and her mouth hung open as she tried to form words, “Uh, well, things have changed a bit…” 

I shot Richard a contempt glare for making Nadya uncomfortable, but it was like I no longer existed to him in this moment. He was only focused on his daughter, staring her down for an explanation. Why he chose to confront her here in a public place, and in front of me, was even more puzzling. The only reason I could think of was public humiliation as a form of punishment. That thought made a quiet growl rumble at the back of my throat. 

“I’ve noticed.” He said with a flat smile. 

“Richard…” Winona pleaded under her breath. 

He didn’t take his eyes off of Nadya, “She knows how much I’ve invested to get her into that school. To help her pay rent, utilities, whatever she needs. And suddenly she’s no longer there anymore?”

“I’m still going to school, Dad. I’m still learning.” Nadya’s leg started to bounce with nerves underneath the table, “Listen, I got an opportunity that I couldn’t pass up. It’s a doctors without borders program and I’m helping people that really need it. I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do… but I had to leave to do it.” 

“It’s true, I’ve been with her the whole time.” I couldn’t stand by and leave Nadya fumbling to defend herself. I absolutely hated the way Richard was looking at her, the way he was making her feel with the overbearing posture he was exuding, “When she isn’t working, she’s studying. No one works harder than your daughter.” 

After a brief glance at me, he continued his interrogation, “How come you didn’t talk to me about it first?”

“It was a last minute thing. I felt like I could make that decision for myself.” Nadya answered with a more confident tone, though her anxiety still pulsed off of her with every heavy heartbeat. 

Just then, a waiter arrived to clear any empty plates. The momentary distraction allowed me the time to reach under the table and place a comforting hand on Nadya’s thigh without getting caught. I brushed my thumb across her leg a few times and felt relieved when the bouncing stilled under my touch, her body relaxing. Her hand came to rest on top of mine, but then the waiter left with a stack full of dishes and I forced myself to pull away from her before her parents could notice anything. Even though every cell in my body screamed against it, I couldn’t risk outing Nadya before she was ready. 

“We’ll talk about this more at home.” Richard stated as he motioned for the check. 

I didn’t even bother to hide my eye roll. It took more than a little will power not to snap at him. Just because Richard was her father, didn’t mean he could speak to her like she was a disobeying child. Especially when it wasn’t Nadya’s fault that she had to leave school. It was mine. Realizing that I was witnessing one of the consequences to dragging Nadya into my life made my shoulders start to slump in shame. I wanted to redirect Richard’s ire away from Nadya and towards me more than anything. 

I tried to distract myself with some of the sights we ended up driving through, it was a beautiful city after all. All of the colorful houses and overly steep hills were something whimsical and unique to see, everything so mismatched, but it surprisingly fit cohesively. I listened patiently as I was told about this place or that, appreciating the history involved and nodding along like an eager student. Despite being such a large and crowded city, San Francisco had a handful of peaceful looking spots where you could pretend you weren’t in a concrete jungle. 

One place in particular, that we visited at Nadya’s request, looked like something plucked straight out of ancient Rome. A small artificial lagoon surrounded a massive dome structure, flanked by Roman style columns and trees dotted here and there to make it look like it had sprung up in the middle of a forest. The lagoon reflected the whole scene like a mirror, giving the illusion of two separate worlds being connected at the edge of the water. Small clusters of tourists followed a trail around the lagoon that even went under the dome and I wanted to see it up close just like they were. 

I followed Nadya and her parents as they led me down that path, feeling more at ease with the scents of a tiny piece of nature. I could see why Nadya wanted to show me this place. It was gorgeous, and I soon found myself getting so enthralled by everything that I was lagging behind a bit to appreciate it all at my own pace. 

Then we arrived at the central rotunda. The underside of the dome was the most notable. It stretched well over a hundred feet up, the design reminding me of a honeycomb, and the acoustics echoed voices and footsteps in a way that almost gave me the urge to sing. The dome itself was held up by several columns, each had a statue of an angel of some sort perched on top and looking down at the witnesses to their beauty. 

I must have looked like a little kid, staring straight up with an expression of awe as I slowly shuffled around underneath the massive work of art. This was worth coming into the congestion of a big city to see. The only thing that pulled me out of it was the sound of a camera shutter. My gaze shot back down to look for the source and I saw Nadya giving me a sheepish smile after she lowered her camera. I hadn’t even known she had it, but I suppose she secretly stashed it in her shoulder bag the same way I secretly stashed a gun in my waistband. 

“I couldn’t resist.” she stated in her defense.

“I don’t mind.” I told her with a beaming grin and looked back up at the dome before quietly saying, “It’s a bit romantic, isn’t it?”

She nodded, “That’s why it’s my favorite place in the city.” 

“I’m glad I got to see it.” 

“Me too.” Nadya stepped closer to me, filling all of my senses with her presence, and then I felt her fingers lace with mine. 

My eyes darted around in case her parents were nearby. They weren’t anywhere to be found, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t suddenly appear from around a corner. 

“They went back to the car.” She told me, “They’ve seen this place about a thousand times already.” 

Her words filled me with relief, finally allowing me to enjoy some bit of contact with her. I didn’t know how anyone could ever get sick of a sight like this, but I was grateful for their absence nonetheless, “Good.” 

“Thank you, by the way,” Nadya said, caressing her thumb over the back of my hand. When I gave her a look in question, she elaborated, “For what you said at lunch. I was worried he wasn’t going to believe me.” 

My hand squeezed hers protectively, “I hated the way he was talking to you.” 

“I understand where he’s coming from though.” She gave me a sad smile, “He’s done a lot for me and it’s like I just up and left.” 

“But that wasn’t your fault at all.” I pointed out. 

“No,” Nadya agreed with a shake of her head, “But we can’t exactly tell him that without explaining why. And that isn’t an option.” When that made the weight of my guilt feel heavier, she gave my hand a gentle shake, “Hey, I can handle this. I promise.” 

“I know you can, Nadya.” I said fondly. 

She looked at me in adoration, the warmth in her brown eyes nearly glittering with the love she had for me, and I felt my heart swell. Suddenly nothing, not even the impressive architecture around us, couldn’t compare to how gorgeous she was. I would be content to stare at her for the rest of the day, everything else be damned. 

Then Nadya took me by surprise yet again when she leaned in to press a kiss to my lips. The incredibly bold action made my muscles freeze up, but I was soon soothed by the familiar feeling and had to fight with every fiber of my being not to deepen it. It was over far too quickly, but it would have been too risky if we had indulged ourselves any more than that. 

Nadya pulled back and looked at me, her expression becoming smug and amused, “I thought I told you not to look at me like that.” 

“You’re killing me.” 

She bit her lip playfully, bringing my hand up to plant another peck on my skin, and then backed away from me until our contact was severed. My chest pinched, but the smile on her face kept it from stinging too terribly, “Let’s get back.” 

I was less uncomfortable when the awkward silence in the car returned because the butterflies in my stomach were still fluttering like crazy from the brief kiss Nadya gave me under the giant rotunda. Actually, I was glad to not have to engage in many words, for my mind to be free to replay the memory over and over. I couldn’t wait to hold her tonight when I planned to sneak into her room. 

By the time we returned to the Bishops’ house, the sun was starting its descent into the horizon. I could also sense the growing tension in the family, understanding full well that Richard planned to confront his daughter yet again while I was occupied with cooking the dinner I had promised. No part of me wanted to leave Nadya alone to that, but she gave me a confident nod after I hesitated to exit the living room. After a few moments of a fleeting glance between us, I disappeared to the back of the house. 

As time went on, being alone in the kitchen and watching over our cooking dinner while Nadya talked with her parents in the living room started making me more and more uneasy. But then I remembered her insistence that she could handle it. I believed her when she said that, but it just didn’t feel right not being by her side. At least I could distract myself with cooking. My role as chef tonight was one of the few things I was comfortable with. 

The back door to the house came into the kitchen and it suddenly opened. My first instinct was to tense for an attack, reach for the gun that I had stupidly hid back in my bag upstairs, but I quickly calmed myself at the casual movements of the man entering the house. An intruder wouldn’t come into a home like he lived in it. 

The young man was probably a few years older than me and I heard the clinking of dog tags around his neck. Military. When he saw me, we sized each other up curiously. There was something familiar about his features that wasn’t easy to place right away. After a moment, I realized that I recognized the face. I had seen a younger version of it in a picture on the mantle above the fireplace. A large and dark pit formed in my stomach when it finally clicked, swirling like an abyss, waiting to claim a victim. This was Nadya’s brother. Everything that she told me about him came back into my mind with a rush of blood and the blackness of the pit turned into roiling fire.

“Oh,” Ruben said, sounding disinterested, “You’re the friend.”

“I didn’t know you were going to be here.” I replied, grinding my teeth and desperately trying to keep my rage under control. 

He shrugged with an infuriating smirk, “Don’t feel too bad, I didn’t tell anyone. I heard my kid sister was coming home and I just had to surprise her.” 

Ruben’s words utterly disgusted me. I was certain he knew damn well that Nadya would be terrified to know that he was here. The sickening smile on his face made it obvious that he took pleasure in that. That’s when I noticed something slightly odd about him, besides the obvious. He certainly shared a lot of resemblance to Richard, but there was very little of Nadya and hardly anything resembling Winona. Where Nadya’s brown eyes were warm and comforting, his blue ones were cold and cruel. Where Winona’s face was calm and inviting, his was calculating and standoffish. 

I listened for the family a few rooms away. They remained deep in conversation and were most likely oblivious to Ruben’s presence. There was still time to kick his ass out. 

“I don’t think she would enjoy that.” I said, turning to face him completely. “Maybe you should leave.” My expression let him know that it wasn’t a suggestion. 

Ruben’s eyes narrowed as he studied me for a few seconds. Then he scoffed, “What did she tell you?” 

“Nothing.” I continued to stare him down, “I just know a douche when I see one.”

His lip twitched in anger and he took an aggressive step towards me. Ruben’s eyes sparkled with cruelty. It was the polar opposite of what I had grown to love in Nadya’s eyes, that sparkle being something I’ve never seen even a hint of in her. He couldn’t even outwardly hide his intentions for the world and it was shocking to think that someone so closely related to her could be this much of an asshole. Just standing this close to him, feeling the bad energy he exuded, made wolf under my skin bristle.

His body language practically oozed arrogance. “Nadya is a little confused about some things. She’s messed up in the head. Maybe think about that before you believe every dramatic story she tells you.” 

My fury spiked when he mentioned her name, his words wearing what little patience I had even thinner. “This is the last time I’ll say it. You need to leave.” 

Ruben’s grin was both chilling and enraging. “This is my house. The only way you’re getting me out of here is if you make a huge scene and something tells me you don’t wanna do that.” 

I hated to admit it, but he was right. I didn’t know him enough to tell if he was bluffing or not, but my instincts told me he was serious. If a scene broke out, then that would ruin everything Nadya was trying so hard to mend, putting her in more stress. On the other hand, Ruben would force her to relive the trauma that she thought she escaped. I wasn’t sure which option was worse for her right now. If Ruben had to stay, then I could protect her from him. As long as I’m here, he wouldn’t get anywhere near her. 

The moment of silence ended with me swiftly wrapping my hand around Ruben’s throat and shoving him against the pantry. I held back slightly so the impact he made against the cupboard wouldn’t alert the others. My hand squeezed and a huge part of me just wanted to break his goddamn neck right here and now. Everyone would be a lot better off. But then I would have a body to deal with. Not to mention, I would have killed Nadya’s parents’ son right under their roof. Doesn’t really make the best first impression. 

“Listen to me,” I growled, low and menacing, right in his face, “You stay as far away from her as possible. You don’t look at her. You don’t talk to her. Matter of fact, she no longer exists to you anymore.” Each slow word I spoke was dripping with all the rage I felt towards him. “If you break any of these rules, I will kill you. Do you understand me?”

The sudden fear I smelled coming off of him nearly threw my wolf into a frenzy. This pathetic thing in my grasp was weak and all I had was hatred for it. I wanted to rip him apart for everything that he did to her. I wanted to squeeze the life out of him and watch that cruel light of his flicker out. The last time I wanted to kill someone this badly was when I watched my father die. Raw fury made my skin tingle, my body shake, and I could tell my eyes began to shine, but I didn’t care as long as it got my point across.

Ruben’s horrified expression took me in. He didn’t react to my words in any other way, so I shook him roughly, “Do you understand me?” 

When I saw him struggle to nod, I released my grip. Ruben scrambled away from me, desperately gasping for breath. Maybe I’d get lucky and that would scare him enough to run. “What the fuck are you?”

“Your worst nightmare.” I answered and turned back to cooking dinner. As soon as I let him go, I felt my eyes fade back to their usual color. Regaining my control, yet still feeling the burning rage within me. 

“I’ll tell them-”

“Tell them what?” I cut him off with a dangerous look. “Nobody will believe a damn word out of your mouth.” 

Ruben stood staring at me for what felt like minutes. No doubt trying to calculate exactly how many choices he had in this moment. My hard, unwavering glare reminded him that he didn’t have many if he wanted to come out of this in one piece. I may not kill him tonight, but every bone in my body, every instinct and impulse I had, wanted me to end his worthless life. Ruben’s days were numbered. 

The moment passed with him unable to come up with anything to say or do other than try to move past me. I immediately knew I couldn’t let Nadya see him before I got the chance to warn her. My hand reached out, grabbing a fistful of his shirt to stop him in his tracks, “Go outside and come in through the front door.” I ordered, shoving him backwards. He scowled at me, but did as I commanded.

As soon as Ruben went out the back door, I moved out of the kitchen and made my way to the living room. Nadya was still talking with her parents. A part of me felt bad for interrupting, but I had no choice. “Nadya, can you come help me with dinner for a minute?”

Nadya must have seen something in my expression that caused her to give me an odd look. Thankfully, her parents seemed oblivious. “Be right back.” Nadya told them and got up from the couch to follow me. 

Once we were in the kitchen, Nadya asked, “Is everything okay?”

I ran a frustrated hand through my hair, turning to her and reaching to hold her hands in mine. “I want you to know that if we were anywhere else besides here, I wouldn’t have let this happen. And I am so sorry.”

“Okay, now you’re freaking me out.” she replied hesitantly.

“Ruben is here.”

All the color drained from her face as her expression went blank. “He, um… he’s supposed to be overseas.” Nadya’s voice was hollow. 

I gently raised my hands to cup her face. “Listen to me.” I said softly. I might’ve even felt her temperature drop. Her eyes were bright with fear. “You are safe. I’m here and I will not let him do anything to you, okay? You just say the word and we’ll come up with an excuse to leave.” 

Nadya gripped my forearms tightly and shut her eyes. She stayed like that for a full minute while she controlled her breathing. Thinking that my presence was helping, I rested my forehead against hers to let her know I wasn’t going anywhere. 

“We can go.” I eventually said again. “We should go.”

“No,” Nadya shook her head, leaning back to look at me. “No, I can’t leave yet. Just- please stay close to me.” 

“I won’t leave you while he’s here.” I promised. 

Dinner was almost ready, so Nadya stayed with me until it was finished. I waited and listened, but it was almost ten minutes before I heard the front door open and close. Who knows why it took Ruben so long to just walk around the house. It made me nervous. I started thinking of ways to sneak upstairs for my gun. 

“Did you talk to him?” Nadya asked quietly.

I nodded, “Tried to get him to leave, but he wouldn’t without making a scene. He’ll behave though. I made sure of it.”

“You don’t know him.” She warned.

“Well, I threatened to kill him, so,” I shrugged, plating some of our dinner. 

“You did what?”

Her outright shock surprised me. I thought that would make her feel better. “I told him to stay away from you or I’d kill him.” 

“Why would you say that?” Nadya’s voice became a frantic whisper, “You don’t know what Ruben is capable of when he’s pissed off.”

“Nadya, I can handle him. I didn’t just piss him off, he’s afraid of me. I doubt he’ll try anything.” Ruben likes to prey on people that he thinks are weak. He didn’t scare me, therefore he had no power over me. In time, Nadya will learn that she is more powerful than he ever was, but until then, I could deal with him to protect her. 

“Jayde, don’t underestimate him.”

She was still staring at me with a mixture of disbelief and fear when we heard her mother call to us, “Nadya! Your brother is here, come say hi!” 

Nadya finally tore her gaze from me, grabbing my shirt sleeve and tugging at it to get me to follow her. I couldn’t hold her hand, or put an arm around her, or even stand too close while we were here, but I wouldn’t leave her side. Hopefully my presence will keep Ruben in check. As much as I wanted to kill him, I didn’t want it to be tonight. But he had to know I meant it or he would never take me seriously and that was dangerous. 

We got into the living room and as soon as Ruben saw me, he took a subtle step back. Good. Remember your place. 

“Look who wanted to surprise us.” Winona said pleasantly. 

“Wasn’t expecting you.” Nadya forced her fear down rather convincingly, though I could still smell it all over her. I guess she knew how to suppress it around her parents. Years of practice being under Ruben’s threats conditioned her. 

The rage started to boil up again, making my skin tingle. I took a deep breath to settle my fury, making sure to keep my eyes down as much as possible. It was one thing to show some of my true nature in front of Ruben as a scare tactic, but I wasn’t sure their parents would react well to my eyes glowing. 

Ruben addressed his parents even though he made it sound like he was answering Nadya. “Yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve been home.” 

“What a nice time for you to come visit.” Winona mused, “How'd you get the time off?”

I’d had about enough with the pleasantries. “Dinner’s ready.” 

“Oh,” Richard chimed in like he had forgotten that I was there. “This is your sister’s friend, Jayde.”

I stepped forward and reached my hand out to shake with Ruben. He looked at me warily, but accepted my handshake. I gripped his hand hard enough that he had to suppress a wince. It was another reminder of what I told him, but instead of cowering like I expected, Ruben’s eyes burned and he squeezed back with all his might. The human’s strength hardly even registered, so all I did was smirk. 

“Nice meeting you.” I told him coldly and he nodded. 

All throughout dinner, I could feel how scared Nadya was sitting beside me. Even placing myself between her and Ruben did little to relieve her anxiety, it lingered in the air around her like a thick invisible cloud. Knowing and feeling what she was going through certainly made me lose any appetite I had. I wanted to reach under the table and place a comforting hand on her thigh like I did at lunch, but there were no easy distractions to hide behind. The best I could do was a subtle bump of my elbow to hers, hoping that reminding her of my presence would help. Nadya bumped me back in recognition.

I could also feel Ruben’s growing fury while we ate. Every few minutes I would throw a glare in his direction, but his jaw was set in such a tight clench that I was anticipating the sound of his teeth breaking any minute. Winona and Richard didn’t seem at all concerned with Ruben, despite him not bothering to hide the mood he was in, and I recalled that Nadya told me what an angry kid he was when they were growing up. This kind of behavior was normal to their parents. Which just made me angrier. I should’ve just killed him. 

I couldn’t even focus on the conversations happening at the table. Richard and Winona praised me for the food I made and that was all I reacted to, giving them short responses to loosen my clenched jaw. It was so obvious that Ruben wanted to test the boundaries that I set for him. I was silently warning him not to, but the guy was just too fucking stupid and arrogant.  

Towards the end of dinner, Ruben stood up, “I’m gonna go for a smoke break.” He announced, coming around to our side of the table, walking behind me, and placed a hand on Nadya’s shoulder. The pat was swift, and even gentle, but Nadya still froze like a statue under his touch. Then he leaned down to whisper in her ear, “I’m happy you’re here, Nadya.” before continuing on his way.

Every cell in me ignited with a fire that burned hot enough to frighten me. Every muscle had suddenly tensed to the snapping point. I actually started to see red and immediately looked down because I knew my eyes were definitely shining. 

No way. No fucking way was he getting away with that. 

“Excuse me.” I growled, getting up a little more aggressively than I intended, causing the chair to screech backwards loudly.

“Jay,” Nadya started, but I was already gone.

Ruben wasn’t out back, but I caught his putrid scent. It led down the neighborhood, behind all the houses. I followed it. He was smart enough to know there was going to be repercussions for what he did and I was smart enough to know that he was probably setting a trap of some kind. I didn’t give a single shit. Didn’t even care that I hadn’t gone upstairs to retrieve my gun first. As soon as I saw him, I was going to beat him to death. Ruben couldn’t stop me no matter what he had planned. 

In his bad attempt at an ambush, I found him pressed up against the side of a garage behind one of the empty houses on this street, tucked in the shadows. My hands gripped his shirt before he could react and I pulled him away from the brick wall only to slam him against it with enough force that must have cracked his skull. Not enough to kill him or knock him out. I wanted to take a little bit of time with this. Ruben grunted, just barely keeping his footing. As I held him up and pulled a fist back to smash his face in, I heard a click.

The barrel of a handgun was resting on my chest. “Not expecting this, huh?” 

I stared down at it, then back up as his smug face. There was a moment of silence and I scoffed at him. My hand quickly snatched the wrist holding the gun, slowly forcing the barrel up towards the sky, and I squeezed with all my strength. The iron vice I had on Ruben was too tight to allow him to pull the trigger. After a moment, with even more unrelenting force applied while he was struggling against me, I heard and felt a pop in his wrist. Ruben let out a cry in pain and had no choice but to release his weapon. The gun clattered on the ground and I tore him off the wall again, shoving him into the alley hard enough that he fell.

“Not expecting that, huh?” I mimicked his tone. Leaning down, I picked up the gun. Ejecting the cartridge and the loaded bullet, tossing them all in different directions. Ruben didn’t deserve a quick death. “What did I say to you?” My rage was still prevalent. Bad enough that I started to feel some of my bones shift. I was dangerously close to turning. I haven’t been this close to losing control since my first few full moons. 

Ruben sat before me, clutching his wrist and looking pissed as ever. “You’re not gonna kill me.”

“I am.” My growl sounded. 

“Jayde!” Nadya appeared, breathing heavily and scrambling to place herself between me and Ruben. “Jayde, don’t do this!” 

I stared at her, completely dumbfounded. “What are you doing?”

“Whatever it is you’re about to do, I am begging you not to.” She held a hand out like she was prepared to physically stop me if she had to, her eyes were so frantic and terrified that all I could do was stare at her blankly. Seeing that I was distracted, Nadya looked over her shoulder. “Go.” She ordered Ruben. He went to say something, but she wouldn’t let him. “Just go!”

Ruben hesitated for another moment, but shot up and stumbled away. I continued to stare at Nadya. Not understanding. It was jarring enough that my anger started to fade, allowing me the control I nearly lost. “Why did you do that?” 

“He’s my brother, Jayde.” It didn’t even sound like it was Nadya who said that.

“What?” I said in disbelief, “He’s your abuser. He put his hands on you right in front of me after I told him not to!”

“This isn’t as black and white as ‘he’s the bad guy and needs to die’, Jayde!” She was trying to keep her voice down so no one would be alerted by our argument. “Think about the consequences!”

“I did!”

“No, you clearly didn’t!” Nadya took a deep breath, frustrated tears running down her cheeks. “I appreciate you trying to protect me, but you just almost murdered my brother in the neighborhood we grew up in, four houses from where our parents are wondering what the hell is going on. Don’t you get it?” 

It made my stomach flip every time she called Ruben her brother. I didn’t know how she could claim him like that, but I understood what she was saying. My rage got the better of me. The timing couldn’t have been worse and I played right into Ruben’s scheme. I relented with a loud, groaning sigh. “I get it. I don’t really agree, but I get it.”

“That’s fine. Just think more, okay?” I nodded and Nadya moved closer to me, placing one hand on my shoulder while the other cupped underneath my jaw. “Now, are you alright? Did he hurt you?” 

“No.” I reassured her as she was inspecting my face, “He can’t fight for shit.”

“He also holds grudges.” She warned, dropping her arms.

I rolled my eyes at the ridiculous concept of Ruben being a formidable enemy, “He doesn’t scare me.” 

A small, sad smile came across her lips. “That makes one of us.” 

My heart seized and I looked at her regretfully, “I’m sorry I didn’t stop it.”

“What could you have done without making a scene?” Nadya pointed out to make me feel better. It didn’t. “It’s okay, he’s done worse.” 

That definitely didn’t make me feel better. I pulled her in for a hug and Nadya eagerly accepted it. I shut my eyes and held her as tightly as she held me. Her scent and her warmth calmed my restless and vengeful wolf, soothing what remained of my rage. Finally, I felt her body relax and melt against mine as she buried her face in my neck. I continued to hold her for as long as she needed to remind her that I was here and she was safe. 

Nadya reluctantly disentangled herself from me and wiped at her stray tears. “Come on, we gotta go explain to my parent’s that you had a reaction to an ingredient in the food or something.” 

“Okay.” I said with a sigh and followed her back to the house.

[gascon-en-exil]

FE16 Blue Lions Liveblogging

Chapters 5-6. A fair amount of story progress - I just hope the tense music used from searching the monastery on the latter chapter doesn’t stick around. It doesn’t set a great mood for wondering around and talking to everybody and rooting through their stuff.’

I like how each student gets their own dormitory room, which are individualized via little touches. They’re also not split up by house, but rather between nobles and commoners and...nobles who wanted a ground floor room? There’s a few of those. Like Bernadetta, who came out of hers for the first time in Chapter 6.

The monthly tournaments are a good way to pick up decent forges for free, but I don’t like how nerve-wracking they get toward the end since your entrant’s HP doesn’t replenish after each bout. I’ve also been getting some good use out of choir practice, and sometimes the dining hall features for motivation and small boosts to stats. Getting training from the staff is another matter, but then I’m not focusing much on Byleth’s growth.

Beast fights certainly feel different from anything else in the series. I’ve done two so far, the story one with Sylvain’s brother and one against a giant bird. I assume later fights will make it harder to keep them stunlocked until they die.

I missed out on the Death Knight’s Dark Seal again because I still don’t have a thief, but then I remembered that I have no male casters anyway. Does dark mage offer anything that mage doesn’t, apart from Miasma? It hardly seems worth it for the trouble of getting a special seal.

I do however have a handful of units in intermediate classes, so I’m getting to play around with Canto on Sylvain and Ingrid and Ashe’s increased bow range. Unlike in FE10 the accuracy drop from using bows at longer range is actually noticeable in almost all fights. Dismounting meanwhile feels a bit clunkier than in FE5, but that might be a way of discouraging you from using it too frequently. Dedue gets to show some skin as a brawler, which I’ve read is a better option than brigand for characters with iffy SPD. His axe rank is still great regardless. As for the casters, I wonder if spells learned as class skills remain after the unit changes to something else. I’ll find out when Annette promotes again since she doesn’t learn Fire inherently.

I don’t like how it’s not explained why Dimitri is unavailable for the Chapter 6 story battle. I know why Edelgard wouldn’t be there for the Eagles (benefits of spoiling yourself on everything first), but there’s no reason given for Dimitri, or I assume Claude, to miss it.

@mwritesink said that Gilbert’s C support is pre-timeskip only, so I’ve been looking for every opportunity to recruit him so I can start working on that sweet, sweet incredibly buried-in-flat-subtext S rank with a guy who looks like he’d need about a tumbler of Cialis to get it up. Hey, my eyes are very clearly elsewhere when it comes to the M/M content on this route.

And speaking of that...my first paralogue involved Dedue returning to Duscur to mediate a rebellion situation. I know you can temporarily recruit characters from other houses for their related paralogues, but it wouldn’t surprise me if your first one always comes from your own house. The shipping content was sweet as ever, but the map itself was a convoluted mess with a bunch of narrow paths and aggressive NPCs stealing half the kills. Not great - would have been better had Ingrid been a pegasus knight first.

On supports, a bunch of the B ranks I’ve gotten are shown in red. Means that they can’t grow anymore until after the timeskip, I’m guessing.

Story/Character observations

Sylvain reminds me of Lex in how offhanded he appears to be about killing his own brother. I wasn’t expected that coming from someone so ambivalent about crests and what having one means for him.

There’s an Eastern church too, but they’re said to not be very influential because they also have to answer to the Alliance. I wonder if that will come up again....

Felix’s father shows up but hasn’t done much of note yet. They do explain decently how Miklan’s actions have affected his territory, but it still seems a bit random. Dedue’s observation that Rodrigue visited Dimitri several times after Dimitri’s father was killed doesn’t really smack of a developed surrogate father/son relationship, nor does their behavior around each other.

Gautier territory sounds like the North from GoT, only (slightly) more French.

I’ve barely talked about Flayn. I know exactly who and what she and Seteth are (and Rhea knows too, right?), and I can sort of piece together how she ties into the Flame Emperor’s plan with regard to Monica, but I don’t have much to say about her otherwise. That might change since I think she’s going to be playable now.

Onto supports, Dedue/Felix is as violent as expected (so much for a threeway), Mercedes/Annette is shippy right from their C and only becomes more so, Mercedes/Felix also pulls the “you’re like my sibling” bit and will eventually resolve itself in sex, Ashe/Felix looks to be setting up Felix for the really close friends *nudge nudge wink wink* with the king scenario, and Ashe/Ingrid oddly sidesteps the sexism Ingrid faces, positing that the reason she can’t be a knight isn’t because she’s a woman but because she’s the only heir to a crest. Cyril needs to calm down in general, but he’s less over the top than some past FE workaholics. Dimitri runs away from women and needs Sylvain to bail him out, and meanwhile knight NPCs are spreading dirty rumors about how, ahem, close he is to a man of Duscur. Mercedes almost kills Dimitri and gets into some genuinely interesting comparative theology with Dedue, and Anna randomly shows up in one of the supports I don’t remember too well (Ashe/Annette, maybe?).

Side note: I am personally annoyed that, as of right now, whoever’s been writing up the TVTropes* page for the Three Houses casts has deemed Dimitri, Felix, and Sylvain Ambiguously Bi for their paired endings amongst each other...but has said nothing about Dimitri/Dedue. Hmph.

*Never the most reliable source for anything, but I’m feeling petty.

[ruminativerabbi]

Hatred, Fear, Hope

Like most Jewish Americans, I was caught off-guard back in 2017 by the sight of white supremacists marching in Charlottesville, Virginia, and carrying aloft the flags of the Confederate States of America and Nazi Germany. (That they were also carrying the so-called Gadsden Flag that was originally used by the Continental Marines during the American Revolution—the one designed back in 1775 by Christopher Gadsden featuring the words “Don’t Tread on Me” beneath a coiled-up, scary-looking rattlesnake—struck me primarily as a sign of how little these people know about the values upon which the nation was founded in the first place.) The sight of those flags being held aloft proudly and defiantly was beyond upsetting, but not particularly confusing. But what was confusing—to me and I suspect to most—was the chant “Jews will not replace us,” which I hadn’t ever heard before and which I now realize I misunderstood, taking it to mean something entirely different than what it apparently does mean.

Taking the slogan at what I thought was face value, I understood the marchers to be declaring their determination not to allow themselves to be replaced by Jews eager to take over their jobs and leave them without work and eventually destitute.  In other words, I imagined this somehow to be tied to the marchers’ skittishness about the job market and their need to find someone to blame in advance for losing jobs they fear they only haven’t lost yet and in which they fear they will eventually, to use their own word, be “replaced.” It hardly seems like a rational fear, but that’s what it felt like it had to mean, and so I ended up taking it as just so much craziness rooted not in anything corresponding to actual reality but in the malign fantasy that, left unchecked, we Jewish people will somehow take over the world and install our own people in whatever jobs we wish without regard to where such a move would leave the people currently holding them. And that is what I sense most Jewish people—and maybe even most Americans—hearing this chant took it to mean.

But now that I’ve read more, I see that that is specifically not what “Jews will not replace us” means and that the slogan specifically is not about Jews replacing Christians at work at all. Instead, the chant encapsulates the marchers’ fear that we Jews are working not to take over their jobs ourselves but to replace them at work with third-party others chosen specifically to deprive them of their livelihoods and their places in society. And who might these other people be? That, it turns out, is where anti-Semitism and racism meet: the hordes of jobseekers the marchers fear turn out not to be Jews at all, but hordes of dark-skinned immigrants feared already to be pouring over our borders and insinuating themselves into an already-tight job market. And it is those people who, because they are presumed ready to work at even the most menial jobs for mere pennies, are imagined to be threatening the white (i.e., non-immigrant) people who currently hold those jobs and who earn the American-sized salaries they use to support themselves and their families.

To say this is crazy stuff is really to say nothing at all. Yes, we have a huge and so-far-unresolved issue in this country with illegal aliens living in our midst and I’m sure that those people do take jobs that legal residents might otherwise have. And lots of non-crazy people, myself definitely included, are eager to find a way out of this morass that we ourselves have created by failing to police our borders adequately and by allowing the number of undocumented illegals in our midst to grow from a mere 760,000 or so in 1975 to something like 12.5 million today with no obvious solution in sight.

So wanting a reasonable solution to be found—one that is fully grounded both in settled U.S. law and in our national inclination to be just, fair, kind, and generous, and one that doesn’t make after-the-fact chumps out of all those countless millions of people who followed all the rules and immigrated here fully legally—is not crazy at all. What is crazy is the fantasy that Jewish Americans somehow possess the secret power to order Walmart’s and Costco and every other American business to fire specific employees and replace them with pre-selected others regardless of whether those others are or are not here legally. Crazier still is the contention that American Jews somehow control American immigration policy, and that we are somehow able imperiously to issue instructions that must be obeyed both to Democratic and Republican administrations. But craziest of all is the belief that, precisely because American Jews are so supremely powerful, we must be attacked violently before we order the administration to let even more immigrants into our nation. That, after all, was the specific reason the Pittsburgh shooter gave for his savagery in a comment posted online just before the attack: to give the officers of HIAS pause for thought before they work to bring in any more “invaders [to] kill our people.” My post-Pittsburgh proposal is that we stop dismissing that line of thinking as aberrant looniness that no normal person could actually embrace and start taking it far more seriously.

It feels natural to consider the various kinds of prejudice that characterize our society as variations on a common theme. And in a certain sense, I suppose, that is true. But these pernicious attitudes are also distinct and different, both in terms of their root causes and the specific way they manifest themselves in the world: misogyny, racism, and homophobia, for example, are similar in certain cosmetic ways, but differ dramatically in terms of the specific malign fantasies that inspire them and thus should (and even probably must) be addressed in different ways as well. And we should also bring that line of thinking to bear in considering anti-Jewish prejudice: similar in some ways to other forms of prejudice, anti-Semitism also has unique aspects that it specifically does not share with other forms of bigotry. Indeed, the fact that the anti-Semitism put on public display in Charlottesville was rooted in the haters’ groundless yet powerful fantasy about the almost limitless power imagined somehow to have wound up in the hands of the hated is all by itself enough to distinguish anti-Semitism from other kinds of prejudice. And not at all irrelevant is that it appears not to matter at all how impossible it feels to square that fantasy about Jewish powerfulness with the degree to which powerless Jews have suffered at the hands of their foes over the centuries, and particularly in the last one. In that regard, I would like to recommend a very interesting essay by Scott A. Shay, the author and Jewish activist, that was published in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette a few days after the shooting at Tree of Life Synagogue and which readers viewing this electronically can access by clicking here.

Nor is this a problem solely of one extreme end of the political spectrum. In the wake of Pittsburgh, the spotlight is on the anti-Semitism that characterizes the extreme right, but the same light could be shone just as brightly on the anti-Semitism of the extreme left…and particularly when it promotes hostility toward Israel’s very right to exist and to defend itself against its enemies. Indeed, the assumption that Israel—instead of being perceived as an outpost of democracy smaller than New Jersey trying to survive in a region in which it must deal with nations and political terror groups that openly express their hope to see Israel and its Jewish population annihilated—is perceived as an all-powerful Goliath seeking to eradicate its innocent opponents militarily rather than to negotiate fairly or justly with them, is part and parcel of this fantasy regarding the power of the Jewish people. Coming the week after Hamas fired over five hundred missiles at civilian targets in Israel, each capable of killing countless civilian souls on the ground, the image of Israel as the aggressor in its ongoing conflict with Hamas sounds laughable and naïve. But maybe we should stop laughing long enough to ask ourselves how this myth of Jewish power—whether focused on American Jews imagined to be in control of American foreign policy or Israeli Jews imagined to be intent on crushing their innocent victims for no rational reason at all—perhaps we should ask ourselves how we might address, not this or that symptom of the disease, but the disease itself.

Distinct (at least in my mind) from theological anti-Semitism rooted in the supersessionist worldview promoted for so long by so many different Christian denominations, this specific variety of anti-Semitism seems rooted not in messianic fervor but in fear. And that, I think, is probably how to go about addressing it the most effectively: by pulling that fear out into the light and exposing it as a fantasy no less malign than inane. By forcing young people drawn to the alt-right to look at pictures of the innocents murdered in Pittsburgh and to ask themselves if they truly have it in them to believe that U.S. government policy was until two weeks ago being dictated by 97-year-old Rose Mallinger or by Cecil or David Rosenthal, both gentle, disabled types whose lives were built around service to their house of worship. By forcing young people poisoned with irrational hatred of Israel to look at the portraits of the 1,343 civilians murdered by Palestinian terrorists since 2000 and to see, not predators or fiends, but innocent victims of mindless violence. By insisting that young people drawn to fear Jews and Judaism be exposed to the stories of Shoah victims—and, if possible, to surviving survivors themselves—and through that experience to understand where groundless prejudice can lead if left unchecked and unaddressed.

To hope that no one is drawn to extremism is entirely rational, but it really can’t be enough. Just as young people who seem drawn to a racist worldview should be forced—by their parents and their teachers in school, or by society itself—to look into the eyes of those poor souls gunned down in the Emanuel A.M.E. church in Charleston on June 17, 2015, after welcoming their murderer into their midst for an hour of Bible study, so should society itself rescue young people from themselves once they are perceived to be embracing the kind of anti-Semitism that led directly to Pittsburgh…and be forced to confront the bleak hatred that has taken  root in their hearts and to see it for what it is: a fantasy rooted in fear that can be overcome and eradicated by anyone truly willing to try.

[shardclan]

"Uncomfortable, Lutia?"

The corner of the Archmage's mouth twitched. She huddled further into her cloak, but found no comfort in it. She missed her worn and faded kelpie guise, faintly tinted pink by long exposure to her magic. But she was Queen's Mage now and Light dragons were all about appearances. It mattered very little to them that she could raze (had razed) a clan to an irradiated shadow of itself; how seriously she was regarded was dependent on how much finery she wore. So the comfortable cloak and the few wrappings she wore beneath it were replaced with flowers and jewels and glittering things.

She hadn't worn the gem focuses lining her arms and legs since the Isles. They served no purpose away from the glut of energies at the Observatory. It wasn’t as if she could sublimate into a being of pure magic away from her natural element. But they looked impressive, and that was important to the pompous pearlcatcher clans who fancied even the smallest, pithiest of their courts as high courts.

"I'm fine," she muttered.

Telos gave a distracted noise of acknowledgement. Where Lutia had piled finery on, Telos had removed it. Her hair was up, her crown off, and not a trace of make up was present. She was chewing busily at a wad of smoked leatherback turtle shell and pacing the small enclosure of the Twilight Labs discussion room. Though Bestealcian was surely somewhere nearby, Telos was present as an alchemist, not as the Morning Queen.

Zo stood nestled into one corner of the room, seemingly more collected than his mother if not for his tightly crossed arms and the nervous way he rubbed at his shoulder. On his shoulder, Roentgen perched in complete content, oblivious to the uproar her new existence had caused.

"A fae from a fallout streak," Ashes mused. "Fascinating."

"Not the word I'd use," Telos said sharply.

Ashes' ears fell in momentary apology, but his eyes were alight with the joy of discovery. His appearance was unusually neat--Stellaria was insistent on him at least grooming his hair properly--but his mind was as scattered and seeking as ever.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "But I can't describe it any other way. The implications as it relates to us aren't great, but a creature who wasn't even one of the beast clans has been shifted into a dragon. This is unprecedented. I've heard of beast clan shape-shifters who master the form of a dragon, but they're not actually dragons. By the magical signature I'm getting it's both. They're both!"

'They' referred to Roentgen and to Alief, who looked about as pleased to be there as Lutia did.

Where Roentgen wasn't especially communicative and had the fickle temperament of a bird, Alief had been raised among dragons. Re-raised. It was complicated in his mind still. He remembered being a young psywurm, but he also remembered being a young skydancer and having Haematica for a mother, and those two things were very far apart occurrences. He hadn't quite figured out how to discuss what felt like a reincarnation that had happened a bit too early.

"Do we have to like...leave or something?" he squeaked.

Telos waved a hand dismissively. "No. Just the opposite I want to know if there are more of you and take them as citizens as well. You have no obligations in this. You don't have to tell anyone. Hell, I would prefer you didn’t. I'm not going to until we know more. It's clear this has something to do with the activation of the Seat, we just don't know what, or why you're so far apart."

"I have a hypothesis about that," Ashes volunteered brightly. "When Lutia did the thing with the Catoptria, I took some readings of her magical signature. I can't say for sure because I don't have a sample of it, but just based on my memory of the way things felt when we went back to deliver Opal..." He flipped through his tome, the pages cluttered with scribbled text and diagrams until he came to the one he wanted. "I have reason to believe Lutia is still connected to the Seat."

Even Lutia came out of her shell at this. "It's been eons."

"So it has. But Zo and Techne would have been in the Isles during your attack on the Catoptria. Zo, do you remember any strange activity?"

Zo grimaced. "Everything in the Isles is strange activity to me."

Ashes and Lutia arrived on the same wavelength for the first time in a long, long time, though neither one knew it. Neither could hide the faint pity for Zo's complete incuriosity. He was like a Lightning dragon, all business and efficiency with little ambition; the boy just had no stars in his eyes.

Their quiet judgement didn't escape Zo. "It's not my fault I wasn't raised there," he growled defensively.

Lutia withdrew, but Ashes merely shrugged. "That's a good point. Even if you saw the Circle and the Seat while you were with Techne, you never saw it pre-activation."

"Seems obvious to me that whether Lutia's connected to it or not, we need someone to go check up on the Seat." Telos’ pacing stopped and she groaned into her hands. "Gods, I never even considered the damn thing. How could I not have thought of it all this time?"

"To be fair, it's something I should have thought of as your Tribune of Magic. I was preoccupied with understanding the currents of the local Light magic and then with studying the effect of this influx of Arcane element we brought with us and then this House Betelgeuse business, not to mention we're close to the Nebula Guild and another ex-Arcane clan--very small but very scholarly." His mouth twisted as he caught himself in the middle of his rambling. "Anyway, I'm sorry. Thinking of the Chalcedony Seat should have been my responsibility. I'll go see to it."

"Take Lutia with you."

Lutia tensed up, but Ashes nodded agreeably. "If the Seat's connected to her, we'll want her there."

Zo piped up: "Is there any way to check for other..." He gestured vaguely at Roentgen and Alief.

"Magical signature?" Telos guessed, looking to Ashes for confirmation.

Ashes wrinkled his nose. "Long range seeking would be practically impossible."

"Magical signature-based searches are infamously riddled with false positives,” Lutia explained. “Even for someone who excels at it, they're far more similar than they are different, especially when you're at range." She walked up to Roentgen and pressed a thumb against the fae's forehead. "I should be able to get you a fairly accurate reading of the helix system on both of them. Even if they're not similar to each other, I'm willing to bet they're very different from a normal dragon, in some way that you should be able to build a seeking spell for."

"Like how all changelings have a common irregularity that can be identified even if it isn’t identical between two of them..." Ashes mused, stroking his chin. "Yeah. Yeah! That can work. That's going to be a really complicated spell though, it's a lot to try and stuff into a simple sigil."

She glanced at him with a raised brow. "I'm an Archmage. It doesn't need to be simple."

Telos and Zo shared a look, feeling suddenly very out of the loop. They were great alchemists, but Lutia and Ashes were great magical theorists, and clearly they were in their element. It was the most civil conversation they had seen between the two yet, and certainly the most words from Lutia that weren’t protests or mere mumbles.

A knock interrupted just as Telos was getting ready to break the meeting.

"I believe I asked not to be disturbed," she said loudly.

A warm but fretful voice wafted from the other side of the door. "I do apologize for the intrusion, but this is urgent."

Telos' heart sank so low she was sure it would hit the floor. "Safiri?"

"I am she."

Weary lines gathered around Telos' eyes, and she braced for more bad news. "Come in."

The traveler tundra quickly entered and quickly shut the door behind a pair of small, cloaked children that drifted in after her. "I brought them as quickly as I could." She paused at the sight of Lutia and Ashes standing practically together, but she had no time to feel the pride and relief she might have.

"These are Camellia's children," she explained breathlessly. She revealed the girl first. "This is Phasmatis."

The question left Ashes, Zo and Telos' mouths all at once: "What do her runes do?"

"Unclear, but something related to necromancy." The three instantly relaxed, but Lutia remained quiet. She was staring straight at the other child, and Luddie had to take a deep breath before she pulled down his hood. "This is Rubedo."

The shine of the chalcedony patching his skin silenced the room. Lutia's fists curled at her side. The cracks on her cheeks were glowing, and she could feel a tingling heat in them.

"Ashes was right," she hissed.

"Beg pardon?"

"The Seat. The Seat is still active. That looks like my crystallization spell, and it's still active." She grabbed Safiri's shoulders. "Is Camellia alright?"

"Shaken, but physically whole. She shows no signs of this, neither did the father. And as you see, the girl is fine."

"Good. I'm going to the Isles."

"I don't have my spells or my things ready!" Ashes protested.

"You're staying." He opened his mouth to undoubtedly tell her to piss off, but cut him off with a snarl. "You need to stay and look make sure whatever that is isn't going to kill him or hurt him. Do you feel that magic concentration? No, you might not because I’m in here, but you will once you’re alone with him. It’s too much for a dragon his age, so you stay and get him stable. I'll give you 3 days to give me whatever sigils or spells you want me to use on the road, but that--" She pointed to the boy, who shrank against Safiri. "That's unacceptable and if it's the Seat's fault--if it's MY fault, I need to go fix it."

The obvious words hung on the air, ugly and waiting to be said in anger. But they never came. Ashes folded his hands, tome and all, into the spacious sleeves of his robe, and kept his calm.

"Okay. I'll take care of him. Get me those helix readings before the end of the day. I'll get everything else ready."

The tension dissolved, and Telos sighed deeply. Despite all the effort she put into warding it off, she felt the beginnings of a headache.

"I'd better write a letter to Dreamweaver. Nobody in here is to breath a word of this, and for the love of all the gods, keep Crucis away from Rubedo. I shudder to think what I’ll have to allow her to do to him if he tries anything.”

[pigballoon]

Ready Player One

(Steven Spielberg, 2018)

Returning mere months after the release of The Post (a movie produced in its entirety while post-production for this one was going on) Steven Spielberg finds himself operating at the total opposite end of the cinematic spectrum. While in said previous effort the heavy lifting, the glitz and the glamour, the Spielberg scale was injected via its pair of mammoth movie stars, in Ready Player One, Spielberg has cast generally lesser known names, relying instead on sheer bombastic spectacle, and as anyone who has seen the trailer can attest, heavy doses of pop culture nostalgia.

Based on the novel by Ernest Cline (a man who grew up in the 80s) and penned by him in collaboration with Zak Penn (also a child of the 80s) the movie is steeped in the music and the video game worshipping glory of the 20th century's penultimate decade. It's that which lends proceedings their aesthetic, blending them with the equally 80s Tron-like merging of reality and fantasy. It's not a new approach, if you've seen the aforementioned Jeff Bridges starrer, its sequel, Netflix's Stranger Things or even things like Wreck It Ralph (Wreck It Ralph meets Tron would be a good way to describe this movie) or The Matrix you'll spot this movies tonal touchstones. It's hardly Spielberg at his trailblazing best, watchable as it generally all is. 

Indeed, the most awe inspiring thing about it is not in the visuals, nor the thoughts on its mind, but the sheer amount of popular references that permeate the movie. Only someone with Spielberg's clout and bank account could afford to reference everything (some very major, some very minor) from Back to the Future to Godzilla, Gundam Wing, The Shining, The Iron Giant, Battlestar Galactica, Alien, Mortal Kombat, Doom, etc, etc. If you're into any or all of these things then there is certainly plenty to enjoy here, but for anyone that thought there must be something more in the material to have enticed someone like Spielberg, now 71 years old, to have spent so much time on such a project... It ends up feeling sort of Insubstantial. 

The movie is at its most interesting early on when it is most content to explore the idea of how someone in the middle of nowhere with nothing can get sucked so totally into virtual realities and touch on the risks and harms of such obsessions without massively belabouring the point or taking sides too obviously one way or the other. The cases for and against are made not through monologue, but two characters with different, equally well founded opinions based on their backgrounds arguing. It feels less like exposition, and more like theme explored via character. 

Sadly, the longer that it goes the more focused it becomes on the intricacies of the resolution of its video game influenced plot (where earlier on said plot felt more like a tool through which the movie could explore its ideas/characters). That issue coupled with the fact that not one of the numerous characters on display ends up being anything more than the most run of the mill archetype means that there is just far less to really get invested in or interested by as proceedings reach their conclusion. 

It is frankly hard to believe that something so by the numbers could be produced by a man whose movies even at their worst very rarely lack some sort of heft or inspiration, whether creatively, technologically, thematically, or... thespian-ingly. To appreciate that here you would have to watch a making of documentary, because none of it applies to the film itself. Indeed, Ready Player One's greatest fault for me is how vanilla it ends up being. Its length too, the movie is about two hours long, but to me at least felt longer still, there is definitely not enough on display here to justify the run time.

The longer it goes the muddier it also seems to become with regards to its ideas. It's defenders may feel it's less a thematic mess, and more an attempt at balancing the scales, refusing to take sides between the physical world and the alternate one, but past its opening act it never quite felt like it truly gets under the skin or into the heart of any of the points of view. That same clash applies to the movie on a larger scale. It’s tough to watch a movie so infatuated with simpler times, with the good old days, going back to basics, back to the beginning, while playing in IMAX, in 3D, and being 85 to 90% reliant upon computer generated imagery. It’s a conflict at the fundamental level between the feelings of the movie, and the feelings (at least with regards to what ends up on screen) of the people that made it.

Attempts at profundity towards the end are not entirely unsuccessful, but a little of the ol' Spielberg corniness certainly creeps in to take some of the edge off, and were it not for the strength of performers like Olivia Cooke, Mark Rylance, Ben Mendelsohn, T.J. Miller, and to a lesser extent Tye Sheridan (less good use is made of the likes of Ralph Ineson, and Simon Pegg) I feel it may have been a struggle to take this particularly seriously. To me it is ultimately a movie that bombards you with spectacle, via its artificial imagery and pop reverence and whose final scorecard ultimately depends on whether or not you feel that stuff sort of successfully masks the fact that its heart and brain are only half working.