#and he was always that way.. R/ai just told him to control himself more which is why he acts like that

[loverdotpng]

I'm having a category 5 blonde man moment

[avengerscompound]

Running to a Standstill -4

Running to a Standstill: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word Count:  1827

Rating:  E

Square filled: @star-spangled-bingo​ - "Am I renting a bed and breakfast for a bikergang?"

Warnings: none

Synopsis: While on the run from an unknown organization trying to take your son, you meet two super-soldiers.  While they try to help you get to the bottom of who is hunting you and your son, feelings come out and admissions are made that make your personal life even more tricky.

Chapter 4

“Well, well, well, what have you boys been up to?”

Tony’s voice pulled Bucky out of his sleep.  He’d been wrapped around you and Steve’s hand was on his hip, and for a moment he thought someone had drugged him.  Tony kept clattering around the common room followed by a rather exasperated looking Pepper.  Bucky sat up and tried to go over exactly what had happened last night because, for all intents and purposes, he should absolutely not have slept as well as he had.

He’d gone out to ask the guy who had been standing in the alley what he was doing.  The dude had shot at him and the van parked across the road had taken off.  Natasha had come vaulting down the fire escape chasing after the dude with the gun and Bucky had chased down the van.  It had taken him a while but he’d eventually caught up with him.  When the guy wouldn’t talk, Bucky had called Fury for a collection and then dragged himself back to the tower where he was surprised to find you, Steve, and Geo were all camped out in the common room rather than in Steve’s apartment.  He’d really assumed that you’d just shack up with Steve.  The two of you had been dating after all.

He’d been aching when he got back and he’d sat down on the fold-out couch beside you because Geo had stuff spread out all over the other one.  Besides he hadn’t intended to stay.  He was just going to eat, hang out for a bit, and go to bed.  When you’d fallen asleep Steve had admitted he’d set up in the common room because the two of you hadn’t even kissed yet and he wanted to make sure you felt safe.  Bucky had remembered feeling an odd sense of relief hearing that and he wasn’t sure why.  Then he’d finished eating and gone to leave and you’d asked him to stay.

He had gone to sleep expecting to sleep badly.  He’d always slept badly.  He’d been doing a lot of work with therapists and while it had been helping, the nightmares still came.  Not every night, but too often.  He’d assumed that if he ever shared a bed with anyone that the fear that he hurt them in his sleep would keep him awake.  Instead, he’d slept right through.  There had been nothing that would explain that except that he’d been relaxed.

“You could have at least cleaned up after your orgy,” Tony said, picking up the empty food containers strewn over the coffee table.  “Am I renting a bed and breakfast for a biker gang?”

Steve sat up and sighed in that very special way he reserved for Tony, and you sat up beside him pulling the covers up and looking extremely embarrassed.

“Tony, can we dial back the o-r-g-y talk in front of the small child?”  Pepper asked.

Tony spun around and saw Geo sitting up, yawning and rubbing his eyes.  “Small person,” Tony said, sounding shocked.  “When did you get here?”

“Tony, that’s Geo.  We told you about him,” Steve said, stretching and getting up.

Tony looked from Steve, to you, to Geo.  “Oh wow, “ he said crouching down. “Hey, buddy.  You like to talk to computers, huh?”

Bucky hadn’t seen a baseline human move as quickly as you did at that moment.  You scrambled up and dashed over to the couch, picking Geo up.  Geo struggled in your arms but then seemed to just flop all his weight in your arms, obviously used to your protective panic.

Steve moved to your side and put his hand in the middle of your back.  “Why don’t you go up to my floor.  FRIDAY will let you in.  You can have a shower or a bath.  Make some breakfast.  I’ll come up and check on you in a little while.”

“I don’t… what if…?”  You said, quietly.

“No one can get in or out without us knowing about it. This building is the most secure place you can find,” he assured you.  “FRIDAY is everywhere.  She knows who is here and she controls the locks.”

You looked at him uncertainly and gave a small nod.  You grabbed your go bag as you passed Tony and went straight to the elevator.  When the elevator closed Tony went right back to tidying up.  “She’s a mite jumpy, isn’t she?”  He said.

“There were people watching her last night.  When Bucky went to approach them, they shot at him and took off,” Steve explained as he began folding up the blankets and putting them away.  “I don’t blame her for being wary.  Even of us.”

“Did you catch them?”  Tony asked.

“Yeah, Fury has them.  Figured he was the best legal way to hold them,” Bucky said.  “He said he’d question them.”

“The boy can really communicate with electronics?”  Tony asked.

“Why don’t you ask FRIDAY?”  Bucky asked. 

“Oh good idea, tin man,” Tony said.  “FRIDAY, dear.  Has the boy been speaking with you?”

“Yes, Tony,” the AI replied.  “It comes through almost like binary.  But that doesn’t quite describe it properly.”

“Damn,” Tony said and dumped the containers into the trash chute.  “I would love to run some tests.”

“There is no way she’s gonna let you or anyone else run tests on that boy,” Steve said.  “Besides what he can do is irrelevant.  The only thing we need to know is who is after them and how we can keep them safe.”

“Right you are,” Tony said and went into the kitchen, getting out the french press and turning on the kettle.  “So what was going on with you three?  You all -” he made an obscene hand gesture with his index fingers and thumb.

Tony rolled his eyes.  “You got me, Tony,” he deadpanned.  “That’s exactly what we were doing.”

Pepper started laughing and got out the coffee cups.  “They aren’t you, Tony,” she said.

The elevator doors opened again and Hill came striding out with a handful of folders and a clipboard.  She was already dressed and completely together and Bucky vaguely wondered if she ever actually slept.  “There you are,” she said, beelining straight to Steve.  “We have bad news.”

“They’re not talking?”  Steve asked.

“You could say that,” Hill answered, gesturing for Steve to take a seat.  They both sat down on the now-folded up couch and she put the files on the table in front of him.  “They’re dead.”

“What the hell?”  Bucky said, moving to sit next to Steve and looking over his shoulder.

“Cyanide capsules.  We left them alone to think and confer with each other about what they’d said and when we got back they were both dead,” Hill explained.

“No.  I checked them.  I always check them for that,” Bucky said.

“So do we,” Hill said and Tony came over and took a seat on the recliner.  Pepper kissed his cheek. “I’ll go to the office.  This seems like official Avengers stuff.” 

“Shall we have lunch?” Tony asked.

“Sure,” Pepper said.  “I’ll call you when I’m taking it.”

She headed to the elevator and everyone turned back to the files on the table.  “You sure no one on your end gave them to them?”  Steve asked.

“Positive.  I reviewed the tapes.  It was in their teeth.  I’m assuming it’s something new,” she explained and opened up one of the files, with a series of photos showing the men knocking their teeth free.

“They didn’t give you anything first?”  Steve asked.

“Not a lot,” Hill said.   “Both stuck with stories that they weren’t doing anything.  Eventually, the guy in the van changed it to being hired by someone, but wouldn’t give a name.  And given the suicide, I’m going to assume that was a lie.”

“If it was cyanide that means HYDRA right?”  Bucky said.  “HYDRA do that.”

“It’s definitely a HYDRA thing, but they aren’t the only ones,” Hill agreed.

“But, Steve, didn’t you say she said there were things like super strength and telepathy.  That sounds like what they were doing with Wanda and her brother,” Bucky argued.  “And well, the whole super-soldier program.”

“We’re not ruling out HYDRA.  This is newer than Wanda and Pietro,” Hill explained and opened another folder.  “I didn’t have a lot to go off.  You won’t let me question her and I didn’t have dates, the name of the college, nor do I even know what her name actually is.  But I’ve been looking into things based on how old the kid is.  I did find an experiment that ran at Stanford.  It was based on some work by a couple of professors from the University of Manchester named Albert and Lousie Thompson back in the seventies and sponsored by a company called IGH.  That stands for Industrial Garments and Handling which is obviously a red flag already.  The files were all erased and no one is talking but from what I gather it was a program for ‘unlocking the potential people already hold’ for short periods.  Which sounds like a combat enhancement to me.  If you could let me question her...”

Steve shook his head.  “She’ll shut down.  Let me talk to her.  I’ll at least get you dates and names.”

Hill nodded.  “I’ll check the file Natasha released from HYDRA and what we have on the experiments on the twins.  That all goes back further than this but perhaps there are links.”

“Thank you, Hill,” Steve said. “Tell Fury thanks for the assist too.  We’ll have to be more thorough about checking for suicide pills from now on.”

Hill stood.  “I’ll get on it.  Let me know what you find out.”

She strode back out of the room and Tony leaned back in his chair and cracked his knuckles.  “Legolas sure does have a way of dropping everyone into the middle of shit doesn’t he?”

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh while Steve shook his head.  “She needs help.  So we’ll help her.”

“From what I saw that’s not the only thing she needs,” Tony teased.  “Gonna give her that too?  That’s some outstanding service you offer, Cap.”

“Get your head out of the gutter would you?”  Steve said getting up.  “I’m gonna go up and talk to her.  I’ll let you know if we need any help.”

“Sure,” Tony said.  “You know where I am.  I might see if FRIDAY can figure out what it is about the kid that lets him talk to her like that.  Don’t get your hopes up though, it’s not her standard functions.”

Steve started heading to the elevator when he stopped and looked back at Bucky.  “You coming?”

“Oh,” Bucky said, slightly startled.  He had thought that Steve was going to talk to her in private.  The fact Steve had just assumed Bucky would be part of the gentle questioning was both a shock and slightly flattering.  “You sure?”

“Yes,” Steve said, matter-of-factly.  “Who else is gonna make pancakes?”

// NEXT

[snappedsky]

Borderland: Skies the Bodyguard 3

Skies and the crew meet an old Handsome Jack body double: Timothy Lawrence. So obviously I've changed Tim's story a lot from how it turned out in the games. This is mostly because I wanted him and Skies to become friends right away. But also I thought of this story before Borderlands 3 came out and I didn't wanna change it.

*Links to previous and next chapters in the reblog*

--

Chapter 10

           A fight or flight response; everyone has one. An instinctual reaction when one’s brain feels it is in danger, to either fight or run.

           Skies response has always been set to fight. Only twice in her life has it suddenly switched to flight. First, when Rhys told her that Handsome Jack’s AI ghost was living in his head. And now, when she finds herself face-to-face with Handsome Jack himself.

           Skies jerks and backpedals before tumbling over Claptrap. At the same time, Vaughn, Sasha, August, and Loader Bot grab their guns and take aim.

           “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” ‘Jack’ exclaims, raising his hands. “I-I know what you’re thinking, but I’m not Jack! Not at all!”

           “Sounds like something the real Jack would say,” August says suspiciously.

           “No! I-I was his body double,” he insists.

           “Like that’s any better,” Sasha scoffs, “besides, all the body doubles were purged.”            “I’m the only one who survived,” ‘Jack’ explains, “because I ran away from Jack long before that.”

           “Nobody runs away from Jack,” Vaughn argues.

           As they go back and forth, Skies watches, cowering behind Claptrap. She carefully looks over the supposed body double and notices quite a few differences between him and the real Handsome Jack. The major ones being that not only is he not wearing the mask, but he also doesn’t have the Vault symbol scar. But there are smaller things too.

           His hair’s a mess and he’s wearing a ragged cloak over old, stained clothes. Definitely not Jack’s style. There’s also a Dahl SMG hanging from his hip. Not only would the real Jack never even touch Dahl weaponry, but this body double hasn’t even tried to go for it. Any sane person would know they wouldn’t stand a chance with these odds; and Jack always believed he had a chance.

           But more than anything, he just doesn’t feel like Jack.

           A lightbulb goes off in Skies’ head and she grins and stands up.

           “Alright, alright, let’s everyone calm down,” she says as she moves between the body double and her crew. “Lose the murder-on, lower your guns. This guy isn’t our enemy. In fact, he’s the lucky break we’ve been needing.”

           “What are you talking about?” Sasha asks as everyone apprehensively lowers their weapons.

           “I told you we need Jack’s voice and bio-signature,” Skies explains, “well this body double has both those things. He’s perfect.”

           She beams as she faces Not-Jack, who looks a little taken aback. “We could really use your help. All we need is for you to stand in front of a camera and say a password. Will you come with us?”

           “Eehh, I dunno,” he replies hesitantly.

           “We’ll pay you whatever you want,” she insists, “we just opened a Vault and we’re probably gonna get more treasure soon.”

           Not-Jack apprehensively rubs the back of his neck as he considers it. While they wait, August leans in closer to Skies.

           “Why you being so nice?” he asks, “let’s just force him to come.”

           “You guys got the part where I’m trying to be a better person, right?” she retorts, “besides, he doesn’t deserve that. Look at him. He’s a kitten.”

           “You just need me to say a password?” Not-Jack asks.

           “That’s all,” Skies replies.

           “And you’ll pay me?”

           “Money, guns, clothes- whatever you want.”            He still seems hesitant but he nods. “Alright.”

           “Yeah!” Skies cheers, “alright! Now all we need is a vehicle.”            “Oh, I got a bandit bus we can use,” Not-Jack replies.

           “Sweet. This guy’s already paying for himself,” she remarks, “alright, kiddo, lead the way.”

           “Eh, d-don’t call me ‘kiddo’,” he cringes.

           “Ah, sorry. Bad habit,” she smiles awkwardly. “So, what is your name? Cause I’m not gonna call you ‘Not-Jack’.”

           “My…name…”

           “Yeah. You must’ve had one, right? Before you became this?”

           “Yeah. It was…Timothy,” he replies, like he’s surprised to know that. “Timothy Lawrence.”            “Whoa, whoa, back up!” Claptrap demands, cutting in between him and Skies. “Timothy rhymes with ‘Jimothy’.”

           “What?” Skies questions incredulously.

           “You’re that ‘Not-Jack!” he exclaims, pointing at Timothy accusingly. “The one that worked for Jack to save Elpis!”

           “How-how do you know that?” he questions with surprise.

           “I was there!”

           “You’re that Claptrap?” he exclaims, “I thought you were dead! Jack shot you!”

           “Ha!” Claptrap guffaws, resting his clamps on his sides. “It takes more than that to take me down.”

           Timothy smiles with some uncertainty, like he’s not sure how to feel about this.

           “Ahem,” Sasha says emphatically, grabbing everyone’s attention. “Can we get going?”

           “Ah, r-right,” Timothy nods and leads everyone up the stairs. Loader Bot carries Claptrap to the top.

           Skies smiles as she walks next to the ex-body double. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Timothy. I’m Skies. I was Jack’s bodyguard.”            “Wow,” he remarks, “how did you survive?”

           Her smile gets somewhat hollow. “Ah, it wasn’t easy. But the bigger question is how did you survive? I got lucky cause Jack’s dead. But you actually escaped from him?”            “Yeah. It’s a long story,” he replies.

           “Well, I’d love to hear it on our trip since it’s going to be a while,” Skies says, “so were you the one who put Opportunity on lockdown?”

           “Yeah. When Jack died I figured it would make for a good hideout,” Timothy replies, “so I cleared it out and destroyed the bridge controls on the other side to make sure nobody could get in. Which reminds me, how did you guys get here?”            Skies grins. “I know lots of Jack’s old secrets.”

           Timothy leads the group through the city to the bridge, where a bandit bus is parked. After lowering the bridge, everyone gets in and August starts driving.

           “So where am I going?” he asks.

           “Thousand Cuts,” Skies replies, “know where it is?”

           “Yeah, I think so,” he nods and everyone settles in as they begin the long drive through the Highlands.

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 118

Returning to “normal” life was hard, as always. And, as the end of March crept up and you moved into April, you suspected part of the reason Tony may have been laying it on so thick (aside, of course, his deep love for you) was because he knew once he came home he’d throw himself into work. Almost literally. Where you’d spent two weeks basking in each other’s affections and attentions, once you hit the ground in New York, you barely saw him. It wasn’t just him, you were busy, too, but… 

This thing he was working on… as always, when he threw himself into something this hard you got just a little worried. You hoped understandably so. This project was supposed to help your team. Help your life. Help you find some sense of… well… a different normal than you were used to, right then. Where superhero stuff would slowly get phased out of the equation. Which would be a nice thought, but… 

Part of you wondered, as you’d told him, if that was entirely possible. He seemed to think it was just possible enough, even perhaps one-percent possible, for him to look into it. He had some crazy idea- or maybe just a Tony idea that he saw. Some grand vision. You assumed he’d see it through, no matter what it took. You just hoped that wasn’t too much. 

You also hoped you weren’t selfish. Growing lonely in his absence, even when he was just a few floors away at any given time. Just in the labs. Same that you were just in your offices. But. Work kept you divided. Sometimes that was just how it had to be. Much as you regretted it. Even if he was working on something meant to help. 

Your own days became the same exciting, packed monotony. Three meetings before breakfast, too many in the afternoon, piles of emails, conferences, papers to read through,  proposals to pass or go forward on, then a few meetings pushed in at the end of the day. Some you let run long because you knew Tony was still busy anyway, so what was the point? Who were you coming “home” to? 

But… sometimes, when he could, when he remembered, he did try to make an effort. Surprising you with dinner. Sometimes it went the other way around, and you’d bring food down to the lab. He had a ton of exoskeletons on his work tables at any given moment. About a thousand screens surrounding him with work scattered across all of them. Working. Sincerely. Trying his hardest. 

All the time busy and apart made it that much nicer when May came and the two of you did exactly as he’d asked. Spent the entire day of his birthday- ...and maybe a few after (fair was fair) with only each other. Moments like those making you realize just how much you missed him. But they didn’t last forever. Couldn’t. Not with the crush of business invading your lives again soon after. 

And- true to his word and his timeline- near the beginning of June, when you brought dinner down, you caught both him and Bruce working on something in tandem. On the biggest board in the room in big block letters you read aloud, “Project Ultron?” So. Tony had probably gone through an entire proof of concept meeting and gotten Bruce on the team. “Does it stand for something, or…?”

Both of them looked up and spoke at the same time.

“Unique Latency-” “Ultimate Automaton.”

The two looking at each other once they realized they were speaking over one another. You couldn’t help the little giggle that escaped, as you sat atop one of the only partially clean tables in the lab. “There are two kinds of people in the world…” Tony clearly was trying to do his little acronym thing, while Bruce was just fusing two concepts together. “...but Ul-tron has an r in there.” Looking at Bruce. “Aren’t you missing a word?” 

Tony crossed his arms with a little shrug. “Which is why if we’d just go with my version-” 

Bruce raised a hand. “We’re still workshopping it. Honestly, I think the name is the least important part.”

“Speak for yourself.” A little scoff as Tony turned back to one of the boards to seemingly correct some math on it. 

Dumping some dressing on one of the salads you’d brought, you cast a long look around the room. It really didn’t look like much to you. A bunch of figures and numbers and science and terms and… all things you were sure made sense to them. But still, “So… what’s this shaping up to be?” You and Tony had talked sparsely about it a handful of times. Now that he really seemed to be moving forward, it seemed like the ideal time to ask. 

Tony half turned back to cast a glance your way. “We’re looking at a ringleader for the newly resurrected Iron Team.” Because you couldn’t help the slight dry look you sent his way, he went into defense mode. “Not- not quite as sizable as before. I promise.” 

You crunched on a forkful of lettuce. “Hmn. I thought we were going with Iron Force? ...or was it Squad?” 

“Too aggressive and too Power Rangers. But. As Banner said… what’s in a name.” Grinning, turning back to his math. 

Bruce shook his head. “I don’t think that’s quite what I was getting at.” 

“So…” Thinking still as you looked at some of the metal frameworks on the table. “We’re still looking at the defensive angle, right?” There were dual murmurs of agreement as they slowly became absorbed in their work again, despite your presence in the room. “Can’t we just- so if you’re looking at someone to direct this Team while our team is busy… can’t we use JARVIS?” 

You thought you understood. From the small bit you and Tony had talked prior, it seemed like they wanted a larger, louder voice to direct the rest of the smaller Iron Suits, while your team would be otherwise busy with stuff. It made sense. 

“JARVIS isn’t equipped enough for this.” 

And, right on cue, JARVIS spoke up. “I’d like to disagree, sir.” 

Not equipped enough… what did that mean? Not smart enough? That was impossible, right? JARVIS was the smartest program that had ever been built, no doubt. But if even he wasn’t what they were looking for… “You’re… looking at building a better artificial intelligence?” A smarter program that could think on its own. Be able to act on its own. 

JARVIS was a smart program, that was true. No doubt. But he needed direction. If your team had their hands full and needed to utilize something on this scale… you’d need a program capable of making the right calls. Capable of calling the shots. 

...this felt… very dangerous… although you were sure if anyone could handle this, it was Tony- and having Tony and Bruce working on it? Should have been a slam dunk. 

Though that thought was shelved, momentarily, when a warm thrum of pride rippled over from Tony to you, and you caught the sight of his fond smile. Proud that you’d worked it out, it seemed. “Something like that. Also. If all parties are interested, I’d like to keep JARVIS for myself.” JARVIS spoke up, still with that dry wit. “I suppose I should take that as a compliment, sir.”  

So. An artificial intelligence that would have command of not only its own powerful suit, but would in essence be in charge of commanding a smaller squad. For clean up. For protection. Crowd control. ...yes, dangerous. “That seems… not that I don’t trust you two- I do. But. You know. A little dicey?” Being honest because this project deserved that, as did Tony. “What if something goes wrong?” 

“I’m glad you asked, honey.” Turning around, arms still half crossed as he waved his finger around. “As it turns out, we decided to hire for a security protocol and contingency coder. And, well, I’ve seen your resume. Very impressive stuff. So I think you’re hired. What do you think, doctor?” Turning to Bruce. 

He smiled. “I like the sound of that.” 

Coming over to you, Tony then stuck out his hand. “How about that. You’re hired.” 

You tried your absolute best to stow your own smile at their antics. “I barely know how to code a website, much less a giant super-AI-bot.” Not sure this was the best idea. No matter how much you liked being included. 

“You’ll link up with JARVIS-”

“And here I thought you’d said I wasn’t smart enough.” JARVIS’ somehow wry tone cutting Tony off. “That’s not what I said. Don’t interrupt me.” Trying to re-catch his train of thought. “Besides, it’s less about programming and more about… foresight. And a human touch, which, no offense-” Shooting Bruce a little look before turning his attention back to you, “-we may be sorely lacking around here.” 

“Some offense taken.” Bruce slipped his glasses off the bridge of his nose, hanging them in his pocket. He settled a hand on his hip as he turned back to the board. You heard the smile reappear in his voice. “Although not much…” 

“Come on, honey, don’t leave me hanging.” Tony reclaiming your attention easily, waggling his hand, still holding it out for you. 

Putting on a grand show of thinking about it, you lingered with a hum before lifting your hand and slowly putting it in his. Once there, the two of you gave a weak shake, far more preoccupied with grinning at one another. “Fine. But. I reserve the right to make my own hours. I’m busy enough as it is. And also to tell you when you’re wrong.” 

“Why else would I hire you?” 

The warmth in his eyes rebounded right back into you, striking at your core, turning you just slightly mushy. He lifted your hand, still in his, just a little further up, pulling you closer. You tilted up as he ducked down, enjoying a sweet and perhaps overly sappy kiss, settling your hand at the side of his neck, fingers brushing over the line of his jaw. It didn’t last long. In fact, you’d have liked it to go on far longer. Or maybe steal him to go upstairs… but he pulled back-

And an uncomfortable half laugh from Bruce drew both your gazes his way. “That’s not uh… the initiation for work on Project Ultron is it? Because I gotta say, I have some reservations about it…” 

Letting go of Tony, you raised a hand to cover your mouth as your own little laugh escaped. Trying to play apologetic. “Sorry, Bruce.” Well. ...it was rude. 

Tony turned away finally, waving a hand that he then dropped on Bruce’s shoulder when he was close enough. “I’m not. If it makes you feel better, you can always kiss me instead.” 

“That’s not-” Bruce getting annoyed and flustered too easily. “No. That’s not what I meant.” 

                                                     ---

You made a concerted effort in your already busy life to visit the lab at the end of the workday at least twice a week. In between calls and meetings you tried to run with JARVIS about how to even set up what Tony was asking you to do. It started as a small list of… basically Plan-B’s. Just-in-cases. That list then grew several pages long. And then it ended up looking like a short story. 

There was no telling if any of it was good or would even be implemented. But it sort of made you feel better about the whole thing (though you promised yourself you were not going to stress about this yet. It was in good hands with Tony and Bruce), to think that maybe even one-percent of what you were thinking about would make it in.

...but who would have even guessed there were so many of these contingencies that would be needed? So many ways for things to go wrong. So many things to look after. It started to drive you crazy, after a while. Really, you were trying uselessly to fight against the saying that you couldn’t prepare for everything. But couldn’t you? Or maybe more accurately, shouldn’t you? You should at least try. 

So that’s what you did. 

There was no rush, though, as the project had only just started. It could take years to even come out of the initial stages. So while you tried to put in a proper amount of work into it- interested and diligent- the fact was that Project Ultron was a long ways off from being an actual thing. Even more so than you may have first thought, as the months drew on and every night you visited Tony and Bruce seemed to get more frustrated each time. 

You weren’t sure what kind of problems they were running into, although you imagined there had to be a plethora of them. This sort of thing wasn’t going to be easy, for sure. But perhaps even they had bitten off more than they could chew. It resulted in Tony spending, somehow, even more time in the lab. ...an alarming amount. To the point where he wouldn’t come upstairs for bed. Or. If he did… he’d sneak out after you’d fallen asleep. 

It felt like a cycle was replaying. A certain pattern. One that spoke of nothing good. But you just… didn’t know how to break him of it. Even still, it just felt a little impossible. Maybe it was something the both of you needed to work on. Because while you weren’t so busy you weren’t making sure you ate and slept- you know, basic human things- you were terribly busy. Which made it all the harder to check in on him. 

It also made it harder to keep track of anything else. As autumn swept away and a new calendar month started in November, you barely remembered you had an anniversary coming up. Five years together, no less. And- hadn’t he said something about a… house? 

The thought was barely there. You weren’t sure if he remembered, either. Because he certainly hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t asked you to clear your schedule or make plans. He had seldom left the Tower, too, so you had a hard time thinking about a plot of land being squared away “somewhere upstate” as he’d put it. 

Maybe it was all going to be a fun surprise, you lied to yourself. 

Instead, the surprise came a few days before the actual date, when just nearing midnight, JARVIS startled you out of reading what someone had falsely labeled as a very important email (they rarely were). His voice cutting in through the thick silence got you to jump so hard you ended up banging your knee on the bottom of your desk, jarring it enough to send a stack of papers you needed to go over flying to the floor. 

“Ma’am, your assistance is required in the lab. There’s an emergency.” 

A soft pained curse escaped you, trying very hard not to get loud- because you didn’t want him thinking you were yelling at him. “What- what happened? Did they blow something up?” You weren’t sure they were at that stage yet, where they’d be in the middle of tinkering with things that could. But you were still on your feet in an instant, charging towards the door and then out to the elevator. 

JARVIS’ voice followed you. “Mr. Stark is in dire need of your help.” 

Inside the elevator you soured a little, crossing your arms. “Is he using you to trick me downstairs?” This sounded like a game. 

“I’ve clocked his temperature at 102.8. He’s having trouble standing.” 

This smacked an immediate silence into you. “He’s sick? Why didn’t he-” Why hadn’t he said anything? 

The doors opened on the lab level and you raced out, down into the private back area. Already through the glass you could see Bruce struggling with Tony, one arm around his shoulders. When you keyed yourself in, his head jerked up. “Oh- good. I don’t know what- he’s sweating bullets.” 

“He’s sick.” Said firmly as you reached out to put a hand on his chest, angling him back. 

“I’m fine.” Flush and sweating. He was foggy, too. Far away from you, when you reached out the other way. “I just- stood up too quick-” 

“And fell over?” So, dizzy, too. 

“Thank god I caught him, or he might have had a much worse accident on the corner of that table.” Bruce sounded extremely vexed. But all too soon you caught the guilt there. His lab partner was sick. And he hadn’t noticed until it was literally just a few seconds from being too late. “Can you take him upstairs?” 

Tony shook his head. “We’ve got- we’re working-” 

“You’re going to bed.” Firm. Putting your foot down. But… taking him upstairs? That seemed like a task for someone a little stronger than you- maybe you could call Thor or… oh. “Wait a second.” The light bulb went off. You let go of him to retrieve the Heart Reactor in your pocket. Safe keeping, as always. Pressing it to your chest, you double tapped to activate it, and left the helmet off. 

Bending down in a single clean sweep, one arm under the bend of his knees and the other around his back, you lifted him off his feet. It was a true testament to how sick he was, that he just melted once the weight was off, going a little slack. Although he did aim a groggy half-lidded smile up your way. “My hero.” 

“Bruce, too. Wanna aim those goo-goo eyes up his way?” Holding back your sigh. 

 Bruce put both hands palm up. “I’m fine without it.”

 Even with his eyes closed, his brow popped that signature arch. “That’s an abuse of power, by the way.”

 “Well at least you’re well enough to sass.” That had to count for something, right?

Bruce shook his head in dismay. “Just… take care of him, alright?” 

“Yeah. Thanks. You should probably take a break, too.” If this was what you thought it was. And, since you were usually right about all things Tony, you had a pretty good idea. When he just nodded meekly at you, you turned to leave. 

It was a strange feeling, carrying Tony up to bed. Seeing him in this state was nothing short of awful. But being able to care for him like this… it was a weird sense of… 

“We were supposed to break ground-” He was mumbling incoherently about something, as you got him upstairs and laid him in bed. 

Without the need for it any longer, you disengaged the suit, leaving the Reactor on the night table. “Just- relax, honey. You’re alright…” Disappearing after a soothing touch at his forehead, going to the kitchen to get an ice pack. 

Tony was still talking when you came back, sitting at his side, wiping the sweat from his brow before settling the wrapped pack on his forehead. His eyes were closed but he shakily reached over, reaching until he found your leg. Grasping there. Lightly. “We were- I had a plot picked out-” 

Oh. “For the house? Don’t worry about that right now. You stressed yourself sick, Tony. Just relax.” He’d really been that worried about this Ultron stuff? About the house- too- possibly? 

...and you’d missed it. Bruce wasn’t the only one feeling terrible. 

“It’s not stress.” Arguing. Even now. “A lab intern sneezed on me earlier-” 

This time the sigh finally escaped you. “Sure, Tony. Somebody sneezed on you.” 

“I’m sure there’s footage-” 

“Okay. Alright. Relax.” Asking a third time, then, putting on your gentlest voice. “Just sleep, okay? You’re alright, I’ve got you.” 

“Contrary to two seconds ago- when you said I was sick-” Sassing you. Even now. He shook his head, hand gripping your leg a little tighter. “Did Banner call you? I don’t remember- things are a little hazy-” 

“JARVIS did.” 

“I didn’t ask him to do that.” His voice was fading. Lulled by the reassurance of your presence- also probably the strain of his own ill consciousness. The sizzle of his fever. 

“Yeah, well. I’m glad he did.” Bruce probably would have called you, after a few more minutes of struggling with a half-dead-to-the-world Tony. Surely. But… JARVIS reaching out to you within a moment’s notice… it was nice to be able to trust him like that. “Just sleep.” 

“Don’t go.” 

It was inexplicable. Perhaps even unfathomable. Those two little words, in that quiet drifting voice… it practically threw you close to crying. Heart aching so suddenly. “I’m right here, Tony…” Hushing him again, reaching up with your other hand to run the backs of your fingers over his red-hot cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

The last thing he seemed to be able to muster before slipping away were a few disjointed words of love. You returned the feeling, cradling him in a blanket of warmth and reassurance as best you could. 

This wasn’t exactly a nightmare scenario like the one before- no one had bombed the Tower or anything- but… you couldn’t help but feel guilty. As usual. There in time to clean up after him. But not catch it in time. 

The two of you still really needed to work on this. 

[presidentrhodes]

Spider-Man Far From Home spoilers

I just finished watching it and, honestly, I’d say it was a pretty good way to bid farewell to the first three phases of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. 

Spoilers under the cut. This is pretty long and rambly. 

1. Midtown high is supposed to be a school for geniuses but these little shits use comic sans in tribute videos and steal watermarked Getty Images pictures to put in them. I loved it, particularly with the song choice and the fact that Vision’s picture was from the Civil War airport standoff in Leipzig — that means only Peter could’ve provided it and no one bothered to ask how he got it. 

2. Tom Holland really wasn’t kidding when he said the film was a love letter to RDJ/Tony Stark. He was everywhere, his sacrifice was being recognised around the world: they even had a documentary on him, which was available in the in-flight entertainment, plus, there were murals and photographs in Venice and Prague. He was very much present throughout the film. 

3. EDITH. In a nutshell, it’s an augmented reality-enabled AI that controls a tactical and defensive system Tony built to protect Earth in the aftermath of his demise. Think Ultron’s perfect self minus the winning personality — EDITH controls a bunch of massive Stark Industries satellites in orbit that are equipped with thousands of weaponised drones. It can remotely target individual threats and take them out with simple voice commands. It also is able to connect to any network in the vicinity, so, Peter was able to see what his classmates were doing on their devices. 

I’ve already seen so many angry posts comparing EDITH to Project Insight without taking into account a) intent; and b) the reality of the MCU. Tony didn’t build EDITH for the same reason Zola built Project Insight. The former was meant to be a last or first line of defence, controlled by an Avenger Tony personally trusted. The latter was a means to subjugate the world population to Hydra’s will. 

All tech in the MCU is dangerous when it falls into the wrong hands — that’s why they’re called the wrong hands and why Steve once said the safest hands are their own. The supersoldier serum gave us Steve Rogers; it also gave us the Winter Soldiers, a bunch of dangerous, invincible highly-trained assassins. Pym particles gave us Ant-Man and the Wasp as well as time travel; it also gave us Yellowjacket, who immediately wanted to weaponise the tech. The Iron Man suit gave us Iron Man; but also gave us Iron Monger, who wanted to build an army of metal soldiers. Wakanda’s highly-advanced weapon systems were able to withstand a full-scale invasion from the Outriders, but those same weapons almost started a global war in Killmonger’s hands. Project Insight and Ultron showed us the bad side of AI; JARVIS, Vision, FRIDAY, Karen and EDITH, to an extent, showed us the good side of AI.

The point is, technology in the wrong hands will always be a bad thing yet people only seem to gripe about Stark tech while ignoring every other piece of advanced technology we’ve seen weaponized or misused. I wonder why. Since the MCU canonically isn’t made up of one big Luddite colony, there’ll always be new technology being developed and bad guys finding ways to abuse them. 

Just look at the holographic tech Mysterio designed while at Stark Industries. Even before he was fired, his ambitions were grander and afterwards, he weaponized it and willingly sent people to their dooms so that he could play a hero. When 16-year-old Peter Parker, MJ and Ned — literal children — found out the truth and Mysterio risked being exposed as a fraud, he actively tried to kill them. Mysterio beat the shit out of Peter and threw him in front of an incoming high-speed train, so, no, I don’t care if Tony Stark was mean to him by firing him, he was a piece of shit who tried repeatedly to kill a kid. 

Tony, meanwhile, spent $600+ million on the holographic tech to design B.A.R.F — a technology with some really promising applications in the MedTech sector to help people overcome their PTSD and trauma. That’s the fucking difference between a superhero and a supervillain.

Sure, EDITH also has massive privacy concerns. That’s on Tony, but after the Decimation, I think people have bigger problems to worry about than whether Peter Parker is snooping on their text messages. Ultimately, EDITH offers Peter, and whoever else is going to fill up the Avengers roster in the future, a plan B to strike the bad guys from a safe distance. I

4. Tony left Peter in charge of EDITH. Not the Avengers, not SHIELD, and definitely not the US Department of Defense — a fact that actually pissed off Mysterio. Tony left it in Peter’s hands because he knew Spider-Man took the meaning of responsibility far more seriously than he ever did. All those years ago, Peter told him if one could do the things he could, and they didn’t, and then the bad things happened, they happened because of them. And, honestly, if anyone deserves to have control over such a potentially dangerous piece of tech that can help in future battles, then it’s Peter — even more so than Tony. 

5. Again, Peter is 16 in this film and still coping with loss and trauma. He willingly gave controls of EDITH to Quentin because Mysterio had everyone fooled, including Nick Fury/Talos — they’re both highly experienced soldiers. Fooling them wouldn’t have been easy and Mysterio’s plan was extremely well thought-out and perfectly executed. Peter redeem himself in the end and takes back control of EDITH. 

6. Peter and MJ were super adorable. Spider-Man is the only franchise apart from Iron Man, where the secondary lead characters are allowed to grow without it all being about the main hero. MJ is allowed to explore her feelings for Peter and measure them against Brad’s affection. Ned is allowed to also grow in his character and be more than Spider-Man’s best friend/guy in a chair. 

7. Happy and May were also adorable.

8. Happy ruined a perfectly good bed of tulips just to rescue May’s nephew and give him the TLC/pep talk he needed after, again, Beck pushed Peter in front of a high-speed train that would’ve killed an ordinary person. 

9. Peter confusing ACDC with Led Zeppelin is the most Gen Z thing ever. Happy watched Peter design his own suit and it reminded him of the times he spent watching Tony tinker in his lab. You could feel Tony’s absence pretty viscerally in that scene on the jet. 

10. Peter tingle. Lol. 

11. Happy’s words about Tony were beautiful. He said something along the lines of, “Tony was my best friend. He second-guessed everything he did. He was a mess. But the one thing he didn’t second-guess was picking you.” That really furthered the Iron Dad Spider Son narrative.

12. Iron Zombie was the w o r s t thing ever. Again, Beck emotionally manipulated 16-year-old Peter Parker and said if Peter was any good, his mentor would still be alive just as he projected an illusion of a decaying Iron Man corpse attacking him. To give you a sense of how manipulative he really is, he told his guy in the chair that Peter’s blood will be on his hands because he had failed to report a missing drone part that MJ had discovered in Prague. 

13. Peter finally understanding that he doesn’t have to be the next Tony Stark or Iron Man. He just needs to be the next Spider-Man and Peter Parker. 

14. Peter choosing to safeguard EDITH. 

15. J. Jonah Jameson and J.K. Simmons. That is all. He’s the MCU equivalent of Alex Jones and I love him so much. I wonder if this means we’ll see Doctor Strange offer Peter his help to erase everyone’s memories about the reveal of his secret identity. 

16. Every Nick Fury scene automatically becomes 2000x funnier when you realize it’s Talos posing as Fury and 90% of the time, he has no idea what the fuck is going on and he’s just winging it as he goes along. Also, he was furious that he and his wife, as members of a shapeshifting species, were unable to detect Mysterio’s ruse. 

17. Mysterio was a douchebag. Apart from trying to kill actual kids because he feared they might expose him, he did nothing worthy of a hero. He was jealous and angry about Tony, and he wanted to usurp Iron Man without doing any of the hard work. He willingly put people in danger, was prepared to sacrifice people to make his actions seem more realistic and wanted to take credit for saving the day and preventing an Avengers-level catastrophe. I’ve already seen reviewers trying to sympathise with Mysterio, and his persistent attempts to kill a 16-year-old kid because Tony was apparently mean to him. 

18. And, no, Tony did not steal B.A.R.F tech from Mysterio as some review sites are claiming. The narrative is unreliable at best because we hear only Quentin’s point of view — the same Quentin who had been using his holographic tech to deceive people and put them in harm’s way because he wanted to shake the Queen’s hands or some misguided bullshit. He deserved to fired. Plus, he was a Stark Industries employee. Tech companies almost always own the patent to whatever tech you design or invent for them when you’re on their payroll. It’s how corporations work.

19. Tony quoted Henry IV to Fury when he told him to give EDITH to Peter and said Spidey wouldn’t get the reference (Heavy is the head that wears the crown) because it’s not Star Wars. It was a nice, poignant moment — made funnier when you realize that’s Talos in disguise, which means at some point, Fury had to have a conversation with him about Shakespeare and Star Wars. Someone pls write the fic. 

20. The most important thing is that this film actually tried to address the Decimation. Endgame pretended to gloss over it to give Gay Joe Russo his 15 minutes of fame. But this film actually started with May and Peter organizing an event to help the displaced. Pepper sent a huge check and apologized for not being able to make it in person. :( 

20a. I love Jake Gyllenhaal. I had expected Quentin to be a dramatic thot but he really brought a lot of depth to the character. 

Overall, I liked the film a lot more than I had anticipated. Some people are going to scrutinize this film to death to prove Tony was the ultimate MCU villain and, hey, if that’s the hill they choose to die on, I don’t really care. After 11 years and 23 films later, if they still think that Tony was the real villain all along, then nothing we say or Marvel does, will change their mind. 

Personally, I thought this film was a good send off to Tony, now that they’ve firmly established that Peter Parker/Spider-Man is going to be the new face of the MCU and will carry with him the Iron Man legacy. He wasn’t always right and a lot of his choices tended to backfire but, in the end, his motivations were good and he still went out as the man who saved the world. He, unlike Beck, or Vulture before him, never tried to kill a child, not even when he brought him to a parking lot brawl among friends. 

Now, if only Marvel can just leave Tony’s legacy alone and let Peter, and the rest of the MCU, thrive on its own instead of retconning established Iron Man lore to fit new narratives. 

[snazzamazing]

Stupid random theories, headcanons, and unpopular opinions of mine

Btw, these are all long so sit tight

My mangle theory :

I cant be the only one here who thinks that mangle was taken apart by little kids. It wouldn't make sense that little toddlers would be strong enough to pull apart a metal robot. That's because the kids didnt break her, william did. Mangle seems like he was an inspiration from funtime foxy because sister location happened before AND a lot of times, "toy foxy" is often referred to "funtime foxy". Due to this inspiration, mangle had the ability to record voices and things just like funtime foxy. Why am I pointing this out? Well, why would mangle randomly have static noises and a broken radio sound? It's her recorder, it's broken. He recorded many things and then recorded something that someone didnt want anyone to find out about. That someone would be William afton. William is always suspicious and doing evil things.Let's say that, oh idk, maybe William murdered someone, some person called the cops on him, (which explains the police messages n stuff in the radio) William killed that person and his the evidence of the murders. At least that's what he thought. Mangle was somehow recording the whole thing. William had no other choice but to take her apart and destroy him. But then William thought that it would to suspicious to have mangle be randomly broken the next day and so he fixed mangle up in way where it looks like shes fixed, but one tug hes broken and the kids are there to blame for. All of this might be a stretch I know, but apparently in one of the fnaf 2 minigames where theres a mangle Sprite, in the files or sources codes or WHATEVER IDK, there's a hidden message that says "he was here" or something like that. THAT CAN SUPPORT THIS THEORY errr headcanons? Idk I should go sleep lol

Micheal headcanon:

I always wanted to believe that Micheal was the older brother/Bully and that the bite victim was a different character. Why? Because I want more..character for Micheal. He went to sister location because he wants his torn apart family to be back together. He went to save Elizabeth and he never forgave himself for being the one to 'kill' his brother and all that failed. I wanted Michaels story to be exciting and emotional because of his past and the whole family thing

I also always liked to think that Micheal started working out to gain some strength before becoming a technician because he knows that the robots are strong and dangerous. That way things can be more action packed with Michael punching through pipes and walls, and holding back animatronics trying to grab him, and just...cool stuff

Fnaf headcanons:

Freddy has a nice deep voice and that's his real voice. When it comes to preforming during the day, he talks in his "family friendly" voice which is all goofy and fun (kinda like Patrick star's voice) The animatronics are a lot different on stage. It's as if they play as characters and they change their voices sometimes (like Freddy). Chica acts like this ditzy cute country gal, Bonnie is a laid back chill bon, foxy is just more ...pirate, and Freddy is a fun loving silly lead singer

Nightmarriones pupils change shape to Express his emotions. (Sad=tear drop pupils, sick=swirly pupils, angry=skull or fire pupils)

Lefty has his own voice instead of a whispery girly voice because he is his own character. He may look like the rockstars but he was made differently. The rockstars were built by some factory or company and they have advanced technology which gives em the ability to have emotions, personalities and to do tricks. Meanwhile lefty was built by henry in a shed or something. Henry only focused on programming him to find charlie and he had to make lefty look like the rockstars to blend in and not be suspicious. Other than that, lefty was a total rush job. Henry only wanted Charlie therefore, Henry didn't care to give lefty a personality, emotions, an EYE, or stablness.

In the afton family, the mother is sweet, kind, caring, and over protective while william is outgoing, silly, and isnt afraid to do anything (before he went insane). Usually kids have similar personalities to their parents soooo I like to think that Micheal is more like his mom but looks like his dad and that Elizabeth looks like her mom but acts like her dad. Why? Because I always saw Michael as a hero, he cares for others and he wants to save his family. He is sweet and protective like his mom. Elizabeth is rebellious and sassy. In the sister location mini cutscene with William and Elizabeth, she disobeys william to see baby and that's a rebellious move. Elizabeth likes adventure and crazy things so she wont follow the rules any time soon.

Funtime chica does all the rockstar's make up. When months pass by, the rockstar's paint would peel or chip and so ft. Chica would repaint their lipsticks, eye shadows, cheeks, etc. And they look fresh and new afterwards

Even though puppet and Goldie (and all the other animatronics) have been through so much shiz, they still try to keep their cool and enjoy life

In the rockstar crew r. Bonnie is the creepiest. Yeah, he seems chill and is self centered, he is the only rockstar who is most likely to murder someone if he's told to do so (this isn't counting ucn where they all kill). All on Bonnie's songs are so creepy and he sings about killing you in unique ways. Stuff like making slivers (or slippers) out of you, flaying your flesh, smashing your face into concrete, ending your life, and stabbing your heart with his guitar. He's definitely into gory stuff

Springtrap has two different personalities. Most of the time he's himself, spring bonnie. A kind fun loving bun who completely changed his personality after becoming springtrap. He is know constantly scared, upset, and afraid of Williams next move. He hates being an evil monster but it's not something he can control due to William still having control over him. When the slringbonnie side of springtrap gets mad or upset that's when hes weak and William takes control and becomes the evil side of springtrap. Springtrap is very aggressive and very strong. Slringbonnie tries to fight back Williams spirit, but as time went on and when the kids got sent free, spring bonnie got lonely and gave up which let William take full control over him. Sprjngbonnie is gone, its William now (which explains scraptrap)

Idk if this is a theory or headcanon but fnaf 1 bonnie is blue. Yes, he is known to be purple and everyone says and draws him purple but he's blue. Maybe it's the certain blue color he is but due to lightning it makes him look very purple. When he's in more darker areas, bonnie is very blue but when he's in the light areas, hes purple. Let's not forget how every single version on bonnie is blue (except for extras like spring springbon and bonnet etc.) Exept for fnaf 1 bonnie. That doesn't make sense if one of the originals would be purple but all the other versions are blue. One more thing, in the silver eyes, they mention that bonnie has blue fur ;) this was a dumb rant sorry

Shadow bon is evil and can shape shift cause hes a goopy shadow boy and shadow fred is his lil assistant

After fazbears fright burned down, William got to take control over springbonnie(trap) and roamed the streets at night. He roamed dark allies and probably killed whoever slighted him. It was a long walk but he was just trying to get to his destination, fred bears diner. Because of the fires, the springtrap suit was more ruined and unsturdy and so it was time for a change. Somehow William got out of the suit but he's weak without one so he picked an old spring bonnie suit, scraptrap. (According to the fnaf minigames there are multiple spring bonnie suits so that why spring trap looks different)

I got more headcanons but this post is already to long :p

My Unpopular opinions:

Am I the only one here who's not way into the whole Michael AI theory?? Like it kinda makes sense but at the same time, making a whole new robot son with advanced technology IN THE 80s does not give the fnaf-y feel?? Ya know what I mean? Like it doesn't fit the theme? Also the ai thing is in the books and the books are a different universe from the games sooo idk why matpat still connected them?? Hsjsbsjsjsn fnaf is just waaaaay to confusing. Also please dont get mad at me for this opinion cause matpats ai thing is just a theory, its not canon

Foxy isnt super great. Dont get me wrong, I love foxy and he's an amazing character but I don't get why he got so much attention and hype

Bonnet and lolbit should just be canon already. They're not canon characters but they're included in sooo many things in fnaf so might as well make em canon

Funko needs to make a fnaf 2 figure set where you collect t.chica,t.bonnie,t.freddy, puppet, one of the withereds or shadows and you collect them all to make a mangled mangle figure. I would DIE for a fully formed noodle fox figure, how cool would that be?

Scraptrap design is perfect. I know that we all make peanut and Jimmy neutron jokes but honestly I love his sharp teach, creepy eyes, AMazInG voice, and his stabby arm. Sometimes in some angles, he can look heck a creepy

SCRAP BABY LEGITIMATELY FREAKS ME OUT SHES SCARY

butter sock

[youtiaoshutiao]

go go squid! eps 1-30 - thoughts

i’ve actually read the novel for this a few years ago as a teen and it was just alright in my estimation, it was cute overall and a fun read but i largely forgot about it in the past few years. checked out the drama out of curiosity as to how they’d adapt it. have watched up to ep 30 at this point and i’d say i’m rather ambivalent (though i’m still pretty engaged) so here’s some rambling about my thoughts about my watch so far.

Ngl, the first 7 eps were unbearable to watch imo. I have a super low tolerance for secondhand embarrassment when watching movies and dramas (which is why i can’t get behind some high school movies/dramas) and it was uttermost torture watching tongnian stalk her way (very incompetently too, i must add) to k&k’s resting quarters, even getting his identity wrong (despite being fully capable of baidu searching him given that she knew his full name + found out he was part of a famous team), intending to go to watch him the next day but not even thinking about buying tickets till she was actually at the event venue and then being all righteous about not buying tickets from scalpers... Worrying about causing a misunderstanding among gun’s trainees yet continually getting near him and hence causing a misunderstanding anyway... Though i knew that it was part of her character setup (high iq genius but nil experience in love?) but i couldn’t bear to watch all this unfold haha. Coupled with the very draggy endless flashback scenes and all the testosterone-pumped angst about solo (and now 30 eps in i’m very into Li Xian’s turn as han shangyan but my eyebrows were hurting watching him furrow his brow 24/7) i was almost prepared to quit but was told that everything would get better around ep 8.

And lo and behold... it did. As predicted, around ep 8/9 a switch flipped and i began to be more engaged and enjoy the drama more. I was trying to pinpoint what exactly changed my opinion and i think above all, it was the character of han shangyan that really captivated/held my interest. I started seeing gun not just as the typical 霸道总裁 trope that’s just meant to be confident and commanding and therefore hot but more as a very complex and well fleshed out human (more so than the novel i think, but i can’t really remember at this point as it’s been years, and anyway the novel is a pretty short book while this drama is considered quite long for a modern fluffy cdrama thus allowing more room for exploration).

I really appreciated seeing all the dualities to his character, e.g. his god-like status in his industry and being the idol of thousands and thousands of youth yet seeing how this celebrity status does not translate to being estimated highly by the people around him, and how it does feed into his ideas and perception of himself to a certain extent, though he is also adamant on doing what he deems right, not caring what people think. How he as a leader of k&k appears unflappable, in control, and is determined, eyes fixed on the prize; yet his softness and care for his boys and the elderly he employs and his past teammates shine through in quiet moments and little actions. He has lofty dreams and big goals and aspirations for the future of his team, yet he is also a man bogged down by tons of emotional baggage, stuck in ruts of nostalgia and guilt and unprocessed anger about the past and unable to let go of past enmities or relations. Even his small little quirks amuse/intrigue me, like his sucking on sweets whenever he’s bothered, like his weird obsession with that one Beyond song and playing it whenever he’s Brooding about his past (though it’s probably just the drama’s way of shilling Netease Music lol)

Reading Han Shangyan’s personality/character arc as such, I found myself very invested in what was happening to him/what he was doing/his interactions with the other characters in the story. Even the flashback scenes and SP team scenes that I found very droll initially and still do to a certain extent now held more of my interest as a gateway to understand HSY more. He’s definitely not a perfect character and is deeply flawed, but I appreciated that they portrayed him in such a manner as he definitely felt more real. (though when it came to how this comes into play with regards to his r/ship with Tong Nian, I had rather mixed feelings about it, which I’ll elaborate on further below)

Similarly, I also enjoyed the fleshing out of side characters like Mi Shaofei, Solo, Su Cheng, Xiao Ai etc. Mi Shaofei’s arc especially was very moving and wistful to me, seeing him have his dream of being a champion rekindled at the start of the drama and going back to be a competitive CTF athlete, yet having his age and his lack of practice cause him to not be in top form and doing badly, and eventually making the decision to retire. Seeing him express regret having quit together with Han Shangyan back in the day in a pique of anger and not having this arc resolve in a neat, fulfilling way - I really appreciated it and thought it illuminated quite a sobering reality that timing and circumstances may not always yield the best outcome, that actions from the past that you thought were the right thing to do may come back to haunt you, that you may regret your past actions, that you may have to close the door on certain things even if you really want it. And I really like Mi Shaofei’s personality as well, seeing how he has a good read on his friends’ temperaments and personalities and knows how to diffuse tense situations (especially when Han Shangyan is being prickly and abrasive), how he values the collective above himself, like being happy that SP team scores improved greatly even when the improvement came about due to his retirement. I’m glad that he now has a new path which he can work towards his original dream of being a champion, albeit in a different way that he had initially envisioned.

The main thing niggling at me/making me feel conflicted as I watch the drama is actually Tong Nian’s character/Tong Nian and HSY’s relationship. I don’t really know how to explain what exactly bothers me so much about this, but here’s a shoddy attempt:

In comparison to how well fleshed out Han Shang Yan’s character arc is, Tong Nian’s arc sadly feels very underwhelming in comparison, and I wish similar character development was afforded to her character. 30 episodes in, I literally know nothing about her inner thoughts, motivations, character etc that is not Gun-related gushing. And this is all the more a pity given that her character’s setup was so cool - being so smart and intelligent, being so advanced in a STEM field, also having such a successful online career out of her singing hobby - all these hint at such an interesting female lead, but ultimately feels like an empty shell of a person. There really is no scene where she exists independently, separate from Gun or Gun-related thoughts pervading her mind - e.g. even when she is pitching some cool project idea showcasing her computing skills to the police department, she’s hung up on Gun after breaking up with him; when she’s invigilating a class she’s still thinking about him; she’s coding some new game for him; she’s doing some debugging... but that’s because she’s devastated after he behaved in a shit way towards her; she’s at some tryouts to be the singer for the ctf theme song! she’s showcasing her singing! but somehow... the show still managed to make it all about how she’s heartbroken over him; she uploaded a new song! ... but it’s about how she’s in love with him...

The show tells me she has a life outside of her crush on Gun, but it doesn’t show it as such. Though I also understand that this is due to the drama being centered on esports and hence involving HSY more, and Tong Nian is an outsider to the esports scene and thus her own activities would not be featured as much. It is possible that should they have chosen to feature more about Tong Nian, it might have affected the cohesiveness and pacing and how tight the plot is. But but but... she is the female lead, after all?? I literally know more about Mi Shaofei than about Tong Nian, and he is a supporting character! And precisely because the show did such a good job of fleshing out HSY, whose job and aspiration and passion and friendship-related angst etc lend a lot of fodder to shape his character and that is totally unrelated to his romance with Tong Nian, Tong Nian’s character development seems really lacking in gravitas in comparison.

This sense of imbalance spills over to my perception of them as a couple. I definitely am not opposed to or feel squicked out by huge age gaps in principle, as long as there isn’t some power imbalance and no teenagers are involved. But something about the combination of Tong Nian being all about Han Shangyan (at least that’s how the drama portrayed it, even if it was unintentional) while Tong Nian is only one part of Han Shangyan’s life + Tong Nian’s almost worshipful sentiments towards Han Shangyan + the show’s tendency to highlight how much sleep or time she sacrifices to do stuff for him, on top of the huge age gap made me slightly uncomfortable...?

I think I felt it especially during the plot arc of the second break up. The events of this arc were standard asian drama angst fare - interference from well meaning but biased parent leading to melodramatic wallowing in angst and mean behaviour attempting to drive the other party away... If purely viewing this arc from the lens of character exploration, I think the (rather ridiculous) events in that arc like HSY promising Tong Nian’s mother to not bother Tong Nian anymore and all his subsequent shitty behaviour towards Tong Nian shed some light on HSY’s inner self abasement and 自卑感 and was fascinating in that regard. But then seeing how Tong Nian who definitely puts him on a pedestal just internalised all of that horrible behaviour and accepted it and even kept on excusing his actions or asking him if she had done something wrong or if he was mad at her about the cat (though i also was mad that she just got a pet as a gift without asking beforehand lolol) or if he wanted her to do anything... that was SO painful to watch. (Until he implied that he cheated on her, thankfully she drew a line at that!!) I felt like it was bordering on cold violence to some extent? Not that any part of the second break up was Tong Nian’s fault, but just the way the show portrayed Gun’s way of pushing Tong Nian away and Tong Nian’s subsequent response made it harder to just dismiss the entire saga as just pure asian drama typical noble idiocy angst and left a really bad taste in my mouth. And above all what made me quite exasperated was how in the end, HSY didn’t even apologise to Tong Nian about it, and even attempted (and was successful) to get back into her good graces by listing all the reasons why he should be pitied and hence activating Tong Nian’s ‘Han Shangyan is so pitiful and I love him and want to give him everything’ mode, and being so smug about it??

(I feel like I come off as being rather inconsistent here lolol, earlier gushing about how much I love HSY’s character and now ranting about him. I think I just feel very confused about what to feel when watching the drama, and partially I think it’s because the entire romantic plot and all the events of the drama... require some suspension of belief and are not really very cohesive or well plotted, in the sense that it doesn’t seem to flow organically together with the characters’ emotions and responses? i.e. the character’s emotions/motivations/thoughts don’t correspond to their subsequent actions and the other characters’ subsequent responses to said action doesn’t seem proportional at times. So at certain plot points like how HSY got back together with Tong Nian so easily I’m not sure if I’m supposed to feel outraged or just take it in my stride?? I’m not sure if I’m making sense)

Oh, another thing that bothered me was this weird machoism (?? not sure how to explain it) that I sensed at some parts. An example off the top of my mind would be the entire sequence of HSY and Mi Shaofei going out together after Mi Shaofei announced his retirement, with Tong Nian and Yaya trailing at their heels. Once again, from a character development angle, I enjoyed the dialogues between MSF and HSY, between MSF and Yaya. But seeing MSF and HSY pass their coats to Yaya and Tong Nian then embarking on some bromantic tension-filled run together, while Yaya and Tong Nian are left hovering around waiting for them to return and holding their coats; or seeing MSF and HSY give each other Meaningful Looks and then downing a whole bowl of alcohol in some testosterone-fuelled display of Manly Sorrow and Solidarity as Tong Nian and Yaya watch from the sides, worried... Then having Tong Nian and Yaya each attempting to comfort their respective men... idk, i think coupled with the fact that the show is centred around esports, and most of the esports characters are male, and a larger proportion the main female characters we see are not directly involved and are more on the sidelines, it just gives off the sense of like, the men in this drama having their struggles, their aspirations, their sorrows be forefront and central in the plot, while the women are just there to fawn over them and support from the sidelines and tend to the guys’ emotional needs and baby them when they are being grown children. I’m definitely not explaining this well enough and I’m not sure if my impression is valid or I’m just being a hater or being subconsciously misogynistic and projecting or something lol. I’d love to hear what anyone thinks heh.

Thankfully, that part of the plot is over and now the romance part of the drama seems to be settled and the drama I’m assuming is gearing up towards winning the championships. This is promising haha because personally feel like the esports plotline is more captivating than the romance. I sense that now that Tong Nian/Gun are a properly established relationship and both are fully on board the dynamic might change a bit so I shall see how I feel about their relationship in the last quarter of the drama!

With regards to the cast, there was all round quite solid acting imo. I thought Li Xian seemed to be overdoing it with the frowning and grouchiness initially but I think it was alright after a few eps. His microexpressions and meaning-loaded gazes and quirked-lip-smiles are pretty affecting. I watched some interviews of him and he seems really different from Gun in real life so that’s quite impressive. Plus I love his slight slouchiness when portraying Gun in the more personal scenes where the facade of gruff boss!han shangyan disappears lolol. For all my problems with the way Tong Nian’s character was portrayed, Yang Zi does a great job in her role too. I think her crying scenes have always been on point and it was no different here. Special shoutout to the actors for Mi Shaofei, Solo and Xiao Ai, who portrayed their roles really well I think!

Lastly on a random note, I’m quite amused by how the soundtrack copiously borrows from the Suddenly This Summer soundtrack, but I’m not complaining because the OST is pretty evocative and whimsical and makes me hugely nostalgic for STS :)

[ficsrus]

fic recs: bts

this one’s a bit lengthy folks. have fun reading. make sure to give kudos and comments and lots of love to the authors!

namjin—

*prudence in the face of adversity: rated E, 7k

“But we’re not a girl group, hyung, there’s like…” Namjoon waves his hands in the air as he explains, “identity issues and gender issues and how are we supposed to dance with b—our bodies in this condition,” he finishes weakly. “And we can’t do publicity like this, or rehearse, and I don’t want to call the president and Seokjin-hyung is bleeding and I don’t know how to pick these things out from the store so could Hobi and I please just take a bit of money to the store to get things for Jin-hyung because he’s crying…”

[In which the entirety of Bangtan wakes up as women, and Namjoon is confused and put-upon.]

ch4otick gayz: rated T, 17k [includes vhopemin & yoonkook]

[EM0 CRAKHED]

jeon can't kook: jfc,,

jeon can't kook: sorry guys i took care of it,

jeon can't kook: i gave him like 3 tablets of Benadryl he's out

hobi-wan kenobi: kook, you're supposed to only take 1

jeon can't kook: ......

jeon can't kook: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess he'll die.

yoonmin—

hands down: rated T, 43k

Hoseok wouldn’t stop talking about him. It was Jimin this, Jimin that, Jimin was so cute, Jimin was so talented, Jimin danced so well and he was so nice- Yoongi had to control the impulse to roll his eyes the minute his name came out of Hoseok’s mouth.

So, yeah, maybe Yoongi was already predisposed towards disliking Park Jimin for some very valid reasons but this? This took the fucking cake.

the songbird and the sea: rated M, 256k [minor taekook and namjin]

In a world where dominance of the sea is an endless battle between pirates and mariners, Park Jimin is content living in his little village on a small, uninteresting island by the eastern mainland. He wants nothing to do with the bloodshed of good and evil, the heartless killing of both innocents and condemned, the constant establishment and disruption of order. What he wants is peace, to live his life in the same town he was born in, to spend his days in the beautiful forest, and to use the powers of his Blessed Rune to nurture the home he loves so dearly.

But when his island is attacked by pirates, Jimin will have no other choice than to do as they command and leave all thoughts of peace behind in favor of boarding the Agust, a pirate ship captained by the infamous Min Yoongi, Black Fox of the East.

*flashflood: rated E, 15k

A handjob a week is not much for Jimin to live off of.

Jimin thinks it’s sort of like the equivalent of feeding someone nothing but peas for all three meals of the day: sure, peas are all well and good, but eating peas and only peas for any extended period of time is going to result in some serious vitamin deficiencies. And probably some other bad stuff, although Jimin doesn’t actually know all that much about it.

composure: rated E, 131k

Everyone has secrets.

Everything in Jimin's life changed the day he presented as an Omega. It's as though the world were grabbed out from under him, launching him into a special hell not meant for someone with as much fire and potential as him.

This is why when Jimin is given the opportunity to stop being an Omega, he takes it.

What Jimin hadn't anticipated, is meeting his roommate, Yoongi, or realizing his entire cover will be blown if he can't stop going so crazy over that cinnamon and mint scent he has.

Too bad that is the least of his worries...

*(This is a story containing serious and dark themes with disturbing elements which become more prevelant as the story progresses.)

jikook—

*On Patrol: rated M, 130k [includes yoonseok & namjin; read the sequel here]

Officer Jeon has his eyes on Mr. Adorable.

Officer Min has a strange neighbor he can't seem to keep out of his life.

Captain Kim finds comfort in his son's homeroom teacher.

Well, cops need some loving too, right?

under the mistletoe (with you): rated G, 5k

Jimin and Jungkook try to get Yoongi and Hoseok together during the holidays but it doesn't really go as planned.

The White Wolf’s Shadow: rated T, 41k [includes yoonseok, namjin, & taekook]

Jeongguk, a powerful Alpha in line for his father’s throne, needs a mate to wear the crown. When Jimin, an alluring Omega and foreign Prince, comes to re-cement their alliance everything seems to fall into place… against their wishes. Jeongguk, forced to decide what's more important, his own happiness or his people; and Jimin whose carrying deadly secrets that place the fate of everyone on his shoulders, are forced to come together. With enemies on all sides will they be able to overcome their struggles and do what has to be done?

Or

Jeongguk and Jimin’s wolves have liked each other from the start, but when they are forced into an arranged marriage both parties are unhappy about it for various reasons. Neither wants to admit it, but both find themselves falling for the other as time goes on.

yoonjin—

heists and hearts: rated T, 95k [minor jihope and vmon]

"Give me a number,” Yoongi says when Namjoon finally turns around in his computer chair. Namjoon looks at him and sighs.

"One."

It's not the first time he's stumped with one plan. Namjoon looks at Yoongi, eyes trained on him like a hawk. “One?” Yoongi asks, voice low. “One,” Namjoon repeats, “and you’re not going to like it.”

There’s a hint of curiosity in Yoongi’s eyes and a question attempts to come out from his lips. But instead, Namjoon hears the order from his partner.

“Call them in.”

a little water clears us of this deed: rated T, 4k

All Yoongi wanted was to read Macbeth and pass his Literature class in peace, not catch the attention of Kim Seokjin.

*best served cold: rated E, 16k

[They say when you / embark on a journey / of revenge, dig two graves. They underestimate me. (mr state trooper. please don’t stop me. please don’t stop me.)]

After Yoongi's parents get killed by the mob, Yoongi sets out to avenge them. No matter what it takes.

he’ll come back for the honey and you: rated E, 18k

“Cooking is attractive. Like playing guitar, it demonstrates your prowess with your hands, your sophisticated knowledge of an art form... But it goes deeper than that. Cooking is a shared experience, a way to express yourself to someone you care about.”

Or: Seokjin is no stranger to a little sugar. However, Yoongi is the sweetest thing he’s come across in a long time, and there's no recipe telling him exactly what he should do next.

a ballad for you: rated T, 3k

tumblr prompt from anon: "Hi, do you take requests that aren't smut? I'd like to see YoonJin where Jin mistakes Yoongi for his blind date."

[At this point, Seokjin only has one thing to say about his date; he needs to show the hell up.]

everything i need: rated M, 12k

“Sorry I’m late, babe. Traffic was awful,” the man is saying. He flashes a bright, gummy smile at Seokjin and nods apologetically at the waitress. “I’m sorry. Can we have five more minutes to look at the menu?”

He waits until she is gone before he leans across the table and says in a low voice. “I’m Yoongi. Just play along okay? Whoever didn’t bother to show up is a dick.”

Or, the one where Seokjin is a single dad. His son is in love with the music their first floor neighbour plays on the piano, and the last thing Seokjin expects is to fall for the man behind the music.

déjà-brew : rated T, 7k

according to his employees, seokjin has a crush on the cute guy that comes around and orders an americano every single day. what they don’t know, and what seokjin hasn’t told them yet, is that they’re actually married. (he has his reasons, okay?)

yoonseok—

same damn hunger: rated E, 40k

When it comes to fucking around with his best friend, Yoongi follows two rules:

1. They must be inebriated.

2. They must not kiss.

the daily grind: rated E, 8k

hoesock87: I refuse to believe that u didn’t just google “cute asian twink” to get that selfie

yoongay: i am a cute asian twink. r u tryna fuck me or no

(or: yoonseok meet on grindr)

and one musn’t tell lies: rated M, 46k

Yoongi wants to fly so bad he's ready to break the rules for that. Jung Hoseok is the worst collateral damage possible. (Stop lying).

*days to weeks to months: rated M, 10k

Yoongi’s just trying to date the possible love of his life, Jung Hoseok. But the package deal includes five asshole friends and a theoretically infinite number of disasters.

Basically: a series of moments where Yoongi wonders why his friends and also god hate him.

see, i’ve got plans (to get to you): rated T, 11k

Yoongi and Hoseok have a game plan.

(Or: The one where Yoongi takes three tries to propose to Hoseok.)

single pringle: rated T, 7k [includes jikook and namjin]

Where Yoongi owns a restaurant that is a date hot-spot and he is single and salty at all the couples streaming into his restaurant on a daily basis. Not only that, but somewhere along the way he's gotten himself a couple of gay regulars who won't go away. And maybe someone who makes him a little less salty at the end too.

**halcyon: rated M, 27k [includes minjoon]

The only explanation for how two demons have found themselves on Earth is a simple one: Jung Hoseok loves to gamble and Min Yoongi can't resist a good game.

junghope—

blue flame special: rated E, 106k [minor vmin]

hoseok just got dumped and now a clearly under aged bartender is refusing to serve him a much needed round of shots.

("can you do this teenage angst thing some other time? my ex just walked in with his new boyfriend and i could really use some liquid cowardice."

the kid narrows his eyes in the direction hoseok had nodded toward. "seokjin hyung's your ex?")

hoseok nods. "you know him?"

"yeah," jeongguk glares at hoseok and begins stepping away, definitely refusing to serve him any drink at all. "he dumped me for you.")

yoonjihope [?? essentially yoongi/hoseok/jimin]—

**good things always belonged to everyone: rated E, 9k

Yoongi is trying to accept his part as the beta in a polyamorous relationship with an alpha and an omega. Little by little he notices just how unfitting that role is.

yoonkook—

soft melodies and softer touches: rated E, 11k

[22:39; I see the way you look at me, hyung.]

Yoongi's world stands still, and in that moment, he wants nothing more than to wring Jimin's neck. It's Jeongguk, it has to be Jeongguk, who else would it be? Yoongi knows many dancers--unfortunately Jimin's one of them--but there's only one that he's on close terms with, and whose number he doesn't have.

Jeongguk. It's Jeongguk. It's fucking Jeongguk.

(OR: Jeongguk's a contemporary dancer, and Yoongi is his academy's pianist).

take me out (the date way or the assassination way): rated T, 7k

jin [8:01] theres a mysterious hot guy on campus that yoongi keeps running into like a damn romantic drama but every time they meet he ends up nearly killing yoongi

tae [8:01] kinky

with a bang (stunted plants can bloom): rated M, 24k

what not to do when you find yourself falling for the guy you almost slept with but then didn’t because he turned out to be your friends’ roommate: a guide by min yoongi

flower boys: not rated, 3k

“it was pretty,” namjoon protests, trying to defend himself. “and it was a gift from a fan. wouldn’t she have been troubled to have to take it home?”

“and you brought it back to let it die?” yoongi interjects, dry as sand. he rises to his feet, dusting off his jeans. “you gonna take care of it, namjoonie?”

“how hard can it be,” namjoon says, but he sounds hesitant, like he knows his own annihilatory powers will trump his determination. “it’s a small plant. it needs water, sunlight, and air. we can provide all of those. piece of cake.”

(yoongi and jungkook take care of a plant together.)

i know i’ll fall in love with you, baby: rated T, 31k

The soulmate/soulbond au where Yoongi is part of a famous rap duo and Jungkook is his diligent fanboy, they meet at a fansign and things escalate from there

(alt. Yoongi didn’t sign up for this)

i blow up buildings (but i’d blow you): rated T, 8k

“Yoongi,” says Namjoon, his tone allowing no argument. He holds the boy an arms length in front of him and smiles painfully. “Meet Jeongguk. He’s your new bodyguard.”

Yoongi sputters and decides to argue anyway, because fuck no. “I said I don’t need a bodyguard, Namjoon.”

(Or, the AU where Yoongi has been receiving death threats from an enemy organisation known as Skeletal, and Jeon Jeongguk is the lucky bastard brought in to be his bodyguard. Yoongi tries to hate him. He really does.)

all the light we cannot see: rated T, 64k

“i’m not your servant!”

“you are on my ship now, and anyone on my ship does what i say,” snaps yoongi, and when he takes a step closer to jeongguk, jeongguk realizes that he’s actually taller than yoongi. strangely, he hadn’t noticed it before, because yoongi doesn’t seem like a small man. especially now, with that fiery look on his face, he seems larger than life—but jeongguk refuses to back down. it’s a bad idea to argue, he knows, but jeongguk has never been very good at stopping himself from doing something he’ll regret.

(or: when jeongguk finally gets his chance to sail the cosmos, it’s onboard the ship of an aggravating man named min yoongi. he thinks it’ll be extraordinarily dull—but the universe, and the legend of treasure planet, have other plans.)

gusto d’italia: rated E, 64k

Jungkook turned towards the kitchen - and walked straight into the icy glare of Min Yoongi.

“Are you always this late?”

Jungkook tried to bite his tongue. “I was talking to – ”

“I don’t care who you were talking to,” Yoongi snapped. He had both arms crossed firmly over his chest as he continued to berate Jungkook in front of the rest of the staff. “How am I supposed to trust you to get my food out on time if you can’t follow a simple direction that I gave less than five minutes ago?”

Jungkook stared at his feet. “It won’t happen again, chef.”

“Better fucking not.”

-----

[Jungkook always dreamed of becoming a chef in the future. When Yoongi, a culinary genius with unusual social skills, shows up in the kitchen of Gusto d'Italia, Jungkook becomes awestruck.]

taegi—

the less i know the better: rated E, 41k

Yoongi shifts uncomfortably in his seat, avoiding making eye contact.

"I might’ve… invented a boyfriend," he finally mumbles to the glass in front of him

i want to believe: rated G, k

Taehyung starts an astronomy club.

my heart flutters from the sugar high: rated M, 6k

Yoongi and Taehyung sneak around together, cheating on their diets. The group? They've drawn different conclusions.

over the winter lake: rated E, 9k

There’s a small alcove along the outskirts of Daegu, not too deep in the woods, that lead to a lake of still waters and peaceful surroundings. Yoongi isn’t entirely fond of it—the body of water itself being named Death Lake by locals who’ve lived there long enough to tell the tales of the disturbing amount of murders, suicides, and disappearances that are linked with it.

Yoongi sees something in the water. Something inhuman.

abracadon’t: rated M, 7k

"i don't understand why you hate taehyung," hoseok always asks.

yoongi doesn't really understand either. but he's just so...hate-able.

or, taehyung never learned that annoying the fuck out of someone isn't actually a healthy way to show you like them.

namgi—

you could give it all (but it’s never enough): rated E, 46k

yoongi imprints with an alpha he's an alpha too

again again again: rated T, 8k

Yoongi takes a deep breath. Runs through the facts. 1. Namjoon is really fuckin drunk. 2. They made that dumbass pact well over ten years ago when they were both sad and weird and lonely. 3. His heart definitely did not seize up a little bit at the thought of marrying his best friend. It just didn’t.

vmin—

it’s not about reciprocation (it’s just all about me): rated E, 34k

“Taehyung and Jimin broke up.”

“It’s bullshit—”

“We were all rooting for them.”

“It’s complete bullshit—”

“Everyone actually thought they had a chance, you know?”

(Alternatively: Taehyung’s a problematic idiot who fell in love with the right person at the wrong time.)

jinkook—

*knowingly, i drank from the poisoned chalice: rated m, 22k

In captivity, Seokjin learns that you cannot have both love and life without sacrificing something important.

namgikook (namjoon/yoongi/jungkook)—

*the kinky encounter at the auto-erotic asphyxiation house: rated E, 6k

"The last owner of this house died too.”

“How?”

Jeongguk looks over his shoulder at them, his front teeth poking into his bottom lip as his nose scrunches and the corners of his eyes crinkle in a delighted grin. “Auto-erotic asphyxiation! Honestly, what a way to fucking go. Do you think he came before he died?”

“Christ, Jeongguk.”

Namjoon drops his head into his hands, letting out a long-suffering sigh as Jeongguk elbows him playfully.

“It’s a valid question!” Jeongguk snickers as both Namjoon and Yoongi give him a painfully withered look. “We can only hope his last moment was a pleasurable one.”

taekook—

**fading brilliance, fire on silk: rated E, 26k

Jungkook spent his life studying angels and demons, but none of his imaginary portrayals of them can even come close to Taehyung’s mystical, almost poetic beauty: sun-kissed skin and full lips, lashes so long that Jungkook feels the brush of it on his skin when Taehyung leans in to dip his tongue in the hollow of his throat.

Jungkook wonders if he’s already too far gone. The guilt doesn’t eat him up anymore, the shame only serving to heighten his arousal instead of extinguish it. Jungkook has no hope of salvation now, and he doesn’t even care, not when damnation tastes this fucking good.

[martechadvisor-blog]

Transforming ‘Content Marketing’ to ‘Content Experiences’: 3 insights for Marketers

What are the 3 things CMOs need to know to transform their content marketing efforts into a content experience strategy? Randy Frisch: Co-Founder, CMO, and President of Uberflip; and drinker of their own (content-experience) champagne shares insights based on hundreds of conversations with CMOs about ‘the new CX’.

Marketers – aka MTA readers - have been showing a voracious appetite for all content related content…and it’s no surprise either. Some estimates put the budget spent directly or indirectly on content creation/management/ distribution/ analytics at 30% of the marketing budget. And most all players- B2B and B2C – have plans to increase that in 2019. This is because, in the DIY economy, customers – aka ‘all of us’ -   prefer to use publicly-available content to ‘inform themselves’ about proposed purchases before we actually choose the vendors we want to talk to. This choice is based on the credibility, engagement, experience, and excitement they are able to build during the consideration phase, through; most dominantly, content.

There are many ways to get the content right, and yet, most marketers will end up falling into one of these content marketing traps:

Creating content without compelling insight into the audience who will consume it

Not focusing content on the ‘problem the prospect is seeking to solve’ but to say the things they want prospects to hear

Creating content but not making it accessible to touchpoints where customers can access, including Salespeople (especially true in B2B situations)

Creating too much content instead of intelligently amplifying some content

Not basing content strategy on data, not knowing the right performance metrics to focus ons

Not connecting content outcomes to business outcomes… the list goes on.  

It is no surprise that CMOs are frustrated with Content – can’t live without it, don’t know how to elevate it to a more strategic tool – but going to spend more on it anyway.

So when we decided to focus on content experiences as a strategic CMO imperative for 2019, who better to share some key lessons than Randy Frisch: Co-Founder, CMO, and President of Uberflip. A company that has been relentlessly championing the cause of Content Experience; and of course; precisely because of that, a company that needs to put their own content experiences where their mouth is.

Randy confirms our initial understanding: when embarking on content marketing, the first thing marketers do, is go and create a bunch of content. Or they curate a bunch of content. As Randy puts it, “CMOs jumped in hard on the “idea” of content marketing 5–10 years ago. But the “idea” got a bit confused along the way. Many organizations believed if they simply created content, people would come. You know like Kevin Costner in “Field of Dreams” …if you (create) it they will (buy). Fast forward to recent years, **CMOs have realized that creating content isn’t the key to winning - it’s aligning content to the needs of an audience at specific stages of the buyer journey**. Randy reminds us of the SiriusDecisions report that found 80 percent of content created goes unused. So, what lies beyond content creation – no matter how great that content may be? “In some ways, marketers are realizing that if content marketing is heavily focused on creation, content experience and content distribution are the real keys to driving engagement.”

Here are 3 Content Experience insights we distilled from our conversation with Randy.

Lesson 1: Content Marketing is not Content Experience

If content experience is distinct from content marketing, what does “content experience” entail?

“We’re all obsessed with better experiences. We cut our cables for Netflix because it delivered a better recommendation experience; we switched from Walmart to Amazon for the experience; and we buy the most tedious furniture to build from Ikea because they display it in an amazing in-store environment. The same reasons that these customer experiences win are the reasons a content experience will help you win or lose. **We are all delivering a content experience—even if we haven’t focused on it. The question is whether we’re delivering one that embraces or turns away our customers**.”

Randy specifies 3 core components of Content experience, that make a strategic distinction from content marketing (which focuses on content creation and distribution aspects):

The environment in which we serve our content

The structure in which we organize it

The way we compel people to engage through elements like personalization  

No marketer wants to wait around passively hoping their content gets discovered or hits the right mark at the right time for the right prospect. **Following the Content Experience approach helps put more control back in the hands of the marketer than the content marketing approach; while also focusing on the Brand experience rather than our own marketing objectives.**

As Randy says, “We need to lead with the stuff that keeps marketers up at night, not the stuff we want to sell. For a while, our team was always trying to sell by leading with content experience. Then one day I told a bad joke: “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a noise?” Debatable, right? “Well, if we’re not around, do people talk about content experience?” Again, debatable. We had to lead with the items keeping our audience up at night (for us, topics like demand generation, inbound, ABM and sales enablement) and Trojan horse in our mission (that content experience could help). The same idea applies to all marketers. Make sure the stories you tell speak to the items that people talk about when you’re not around.”  

Storytelling is still the key element of content marketing. Memorable experiences are not about the gimmicks- they are about relevance and context. Randy enriches that by making a distinction between the experience needed to win a considered purchase (whether high-value B2B or even high-involvement B2C verticals like financial, education and automotive) versus content for low-consideration purchases, “where the content is important, but it’s more about building brand loyalty out of the gate, so people continue to buy time and time again—think Coke vs. Pepsi.”

Lesson 2: Content Discovery is not (just) about the first click

Popular wisdom says Search Optimization is a crucial component of successful content discovery. What should marketers know about content discovery that they don’t do enough of today? Randy says it depends on the stage of the journey you are building the experience for. “Google has gotten a lot smarter than you. If you’re looking for best practices, look to experts like Moz or other platforms and agencies that can help you optimize for the top of the funnel. But, even at the top of the funnel, it is worth remembering that discoverability has evolved. “There used to be a funny joke that the best place to hide something was on page two of Google results. Well that’s an old joke because now we speak to a Google Home and instantly trust the first result as authority. Our ability to search and rank content will become more important than ever. Whether on Google search or what people expect when they land on your home page, we have come to expect that you (the brand) know what I (the buyer) want.

But once you’ve captured someone, then what? That’s the big question. Most of us are obsessed with the first click. But to me, true content discovery happens once you’re found.

It’s so easy for people to click back to Google results after the first piece you serve. It’s the same on LinkedIn, Twitter, etc. The challenge is to keep someone engaged. On average, it takes seeing seven assets before someone is ready to buy, according to IDC. So, build content journeys that can accelerate sales velocity. That is true discovery!”

Lesson 3: It’s not about the tech, it’s about the 2 P’s: people & processes

This one is not much of a surprise to us, in spite of being a martech-focused publication. Undoubtedly, tech helps drive consistency, accessibility, personalization – at scale. But the correct path, as Randy confirms, in spite of being from a martech platform himself, is people>process>technology.

Buying tech should be the last thing you do. The first is invest in great people—talent trumps all!

Once you have great people, implement sound processes and frameworks for the strategies that will be key to your success. Then, once you see the horizon where those people and the processes won’t scale, introduce tech that takes it to the next level. One of our customers, Snowflake, took this approach when they were delivering streams of hand-picked content to target accounts. Daniel Day, Snowflake’s ABM Director, first built a kickass team, hacking away at a template that worked for the first 12 or so accounts he wanted to target. When Daniel’s concept caught fire, and his execs asked him to deliver the same experience to 300 accounts per quarter, he needed to invest in a content experience platform. That’s when he turned to Uberflip for a framework that could manage content at scale.”

Speaking of scale, AI in content creation and distribution is a hot topic right now. A simplified view of AI, Randy says, is asking how we as marketers can leverage all the data we have (on visitors and campaigns) to deliver a better experience. “When we get into AI, we’re really talking about taking that data when it reaches scale to make split-second decisions and recommendations. But marketers still need to inform those recommendations – a content experience platform should allow a marketer to organize content and inject other ingredients like third-party intent data (at Uberflip we have a partnership with Bombora for this) to deliver the right content at the right time.” 

Involving the right subject matter experts while creating content, and making the content available to the right stakeholders are two additional aspects of internal engagement that will help transform content marketing to content experience. “Great content is all about adding or revealing value. The tricky part is making sure your sales teams can find the right content to serve to your audience”. That is yet another trap marketers’ fall into - investing disproportionately in content being ‘discovered’ by prospects but ignoring how internal stakeholders and other customer touchpoints will find/ use the content they need to serve customers ‘in the moment’. This is even more relevant in the omnichannel environment customers operate in today.

As is the tradition for MarTech Musings - I wrap by asking Randy what trends he was tracking in the space as we head into 2020 and beyond. The themes he is tracking prove just how central to marketing he views content experience. “We’re in a world where we expect a balance of personalization, but also privacy. The trick will be to personalize without being creepy about it. After a year of marketers scrambling to become GDPR-compliant, there’s going to be an ongoing threat to our ability to personalize unless we find ways to show that we can be trusted to turn that data into a relevant experience. Or perhaps I finish with a play on the late Stan Lee’s Spiderman line: “With great data comes great personalization.” 

  More about Randy

Randy has defined and led the content experience movement, prompting marketers to think beyond content creation and focus on the experience. He also hosts Conex: The Content Experience Show podcast; was named one of the Top 50 Fearless Marketers in the world by Marketo, and is the author of the upcoming book, F#*k Content Marketing (yeah, he swears sometimes).

This article was first appeared on MarTech Advisor

[metawitches]

Laurens: “In this world, the only real choice is between being the purchaser and the purchased.”

Kovacs: “We stick together, Rei. Never face the monsters alone.”

In this episode, Laurens invites Tak to a dinner party attended by all of Lauren’s closest friends enemies. Both spend the evening evaluating and testing people, though Tak is trying to assess how likely each is to be a murder candidate, while Laurens is assessing how likely they are to challenge his dominance or resist his authority. Laurens makes a point of publicly humiliating Tak, to remind Tak that he’s owned, because Laurens owns almost everything. Laurens also goes out of his way to humiliate Ortega, and to remind his wife that she belongs to him. He’s very possessive and territorial, and this hour drives it home.

Tak, on the other hand, begins assembling his own team in earnest, doing favors and making deals. Poe and Vernon are his first two prospective team members. He brings in another guest for Poe, Lizzie Elliot. Her virtual psychosurgery requires a large amount of Poe’s time and attention, just the thing for a lonely AI. That frees up Vernon to act as Tak’s back up at the party, once they’ve visited the friendly neighborhood arms dealer. Vernon gets to investigate Bancroft connection to Lizzie’s attack while he’s there, and Tak doesn’t have to face the monsters alone.

This episode’s flashback takes us back to Tak’s childhood on Harlan’s World, the world with two moons we’ve seen before. He and Rei sit in the dark and read tell each other a story so familiar that they know it by heart, about Mad Mykola, a miller with two children who he abuses. Rei wonders where the mother is, but Tak says there are never mothers in these stories. When the children faint from the exhaustion of doing all of the work, the miller throws them into the mill. Mad Mykola steals more children from the village, cuts them to pieces, and sews them together again into one giant person, the Patchwork Man.  The Patchwork Man turns on the miller and rips him to pieces, then goes out to wander the world. But he’s continuously falling apart, so he’s always looking for more children to kill and make a part of him.

As the story ends, Tak’s parents come into view, arguing. His Slavic father is telling his Japanese mother that she shouldn’t complain so much, now that they live on a new world. Their father looks a lot like the mad miller. Their mother tries to backtrack and apologize for her complaints, but it’s too late. Their father slaps and beats her in the background, as Tak tells his sister, “We stick together, Rei. Never face the monsters alone.”

We switch to current day Tak in the shower, because the man has a thing about spending too much time in clothes, okay? His skin needs to breathe.

But, seriously. This is one of the rare times that we see current Tak reveal his true, vulnerable self. His expression is complicated, with both memories and thoughts of his current dilemma swirling around. His deep depression and fierce determination also lurk in the background. Joel Kinnaman does incredible, subtle things with his facial expressions.

He gets out of the shower and dries off, being careful not to look directly into the mirror until the very end, when he slowly slides his eyes up to look at his face. This face is not just a stranger’s face, but a face that reminds him of his father’s hated face rather than his sister and mother. It haunts him to see Mad Mykola staring back at him with his own eyes.

As Tak is getting dressed, Poe brings him an invitation to a dinner party that Laurens is holding that night. Poe also informs him that the hotel was hacked the night before, and a spy drone got footage of Tak and Miriam having sex. At that moment, Laurens calls to ask why Tak hasn’t responded to his invitation. Tak half-heartedly tries to get out of attending, but of course this is a working party. Laurens has inviting everyone he knows who might want to kill him. Tak will have a chance to observe and talk to all of them.

Tak decides that he needs a wingman for this job. Poe can’t take the job, since, as an avatar, he can’t leave the hotel. He can go anywhere in cyberspace though, a very useful skill. Tak asks Poe to become qualified in psychosurgery to help a friend- not Tak himself.

Ortega is tapped to monitor the fight which will be the entertainment at Laurens’ party. She’s angry, because it would normally be done by a beat cop, not a detective. Laurens requested her specifically to harass her again. Captain Tanaka tells her to suck it up for the night and kiss the ring.

Tak pays a visit to Vernon, disarming him and offering a trade. He’ll pay for psychosurgery for Lizzie if Vernon will be his wingman at the party tonight. Vernon is skeptical, but agrees.

  They bring Lizzie’s stack to the Raven, where Poe appears and introduces himself as Tak’s partner colleague the proprietor of the hotel the hotel itself. Poe has a VR suite ready for Lizzie, but Vernon won’t be able to talk to her at all during her treatment. Vernon says that he understand that sometimes you have to get burned to pull someone out of the fire, and consents to the procedure, putting Lizzie’s stack in Poe’s hands. Then he promises to destroy Poe if anything happens to Lizzie.

Ortega goes over Laurens’ guest list. Many of the attendee’s are potential suspects in Mary Lou Henchy’s death. She asks Aboud to help her by scanning the cars at the party, while she interviews suspects.

Tak and Vernon visit the neighborhood arm dealer, Flake, who also sells candy to children from a street cart and wears furry pants. He shows them his top of the line weapons. Tak gets an Ingram 40 flechette gun prototype from CTAC R&D. It uses flanged armor-piercing rounds, has a ten round clip, with homing tech onboard. He shoots a flechette into the wall, then has the machine call it home. When you reverse the field generator, the plasma homes through a plasma chamber, and autoloads right into the mag.

Flake notices the weapon Tak’s carrying, and recognizes it immediately as a modified second series Nemex. Tak declines to be specific about where he acquired it.

They look at knives next. Both Tak and Vernon go for Tebbet knives- twinsies 👬- with a tantallum steel alloy blade, flint in the pommel for weighting, and runnel (or blood groove) coated with Reaper/betathanatine, a bioweapon scientists created to study near death experiences. The deeper you stab, the bigger the dose. Vernon adds on a Sunjet 2320 classic firearm.

The Sunjet 2320 sends Tak into a memory of using one during his Envoy training with Quell. They use a combination of martial arts moves and their weapons as she lectures the Envoys.

Quell: “You must learn the weakness of weapons. This sleeve is a tool. It does not control me. I control it. The true strength of the wolf isn’t fangs, speed and skill. It’s the pack. Whatever world you needlecast into, build a pack. Find ways to inspire loyalty in a few capable locals, even if many of them will ultimately be expendable. We are Envoys. And we take what is offered.”

    Back at the Raven, Poe is making progress with Lizzie’s treatment. He’s slowly converting her spot on the street in front of Jack It Off into a bedroom, with a warm pink glow. Tak says the pink is Poe’s idea of non-threatening, while Vernon thinks it looks like the inside of someone’s stomach. Vernon is watching the process on an old TV from the 1950s.

Lizzie moves from lying on the street, surrounded by rats, to sitting on a bed. She never lets go of her baby doll. The camera makes sure we get a good look at it. When Poe turns on a small bedside lamp, Lizzie grabs his arm. He kneels in front of her, and tells her that he’s there for her. She says, “They took Mommy away because she stole stars from the sky. They ripped her soul out through her eyes and froze it. Now she just spins around and around, a dancer in the frost. She has icicles in her hair.”

Poe is mesmerized. He responds: “I will let nothing harm you in this place.”

Let’s hope some of that is metaphorical. Some of it likely means there’s more to Mama Elliot’s imprisonment than we’ve been told. I wonder if Lizzie’s words meant something in particular to Poe.

After that the TV feed dies.

Now that Lizzie’s settled in, it’s time for Laurens’ party. Tak reminds Vernon that he’s invited so that he can watch Tak’s back, not to go after Laurens. Vernon solemnly swears to fulfill his duties as Envoy wingman.

Speaking of pink, Tak packs his weapon in his favorite pink backpack, but has to leave both at the coatcheck. Vernon is acting as a server for the evening. The Meths are all wearing white, pale silver, or pale champagne. Tak is in black, as are the staff. Kristin wears a bit of color, making her stand out as the most vibrantly alive person in the place, and someone who doesn’t care about the Meth’s unwritten rules.

Miriam approaches Tak, and comments on his unusual fashion choice. She wonders what he brought for his unique item, but no one told him that they were each supposed to bring an item for Show and Tell. The reason why will become obvious later.

Tak tells her that there was a spybot watching them last night. She looks mildly surprised, then mildly uncomfortable. Laurens joins them to ask Tak to meet him in his study to discuss business.

Ortega uses her com connection to Aboud, who’s back at the station, to get him started on checking the party guests’ cars. Then she goes to the fight arena to check the credentials of the evening’s entertainment- a married couple who fight to the sleeve death in zero G. Their winnings include new sleeves, which they wear home to their 5 and 7 year old kids.

Tak follows Kristin to the arena and joins the conversation. When the couple say that their kids are used to Mommy and Daddy coming home in new sleeves, Kristin and Tak agree that the kids actually aren’t.

When they get back down to the party, Kristin asks Tak why he’s there, when there’s no case. He informs her that someone bugged his room last night. Since he was with Miriam Bancroft, it seems like something’s going on. Kristin is angry with him for sleeping with a suspect, but Tak reminds her that there are no suspects if there’s no case. She walks away in a huff.

Tak goes upstairs to meet with Laurens. As they stand on a balcony overlooking the party, Laurens says that he’s been thinking about who the most likely suspects are. Tak replies that he thought maybe Laurens was going to talk about his habit of renting biocabins and brutally beating women. Laurens didn’t think it was important, since he’s careful to never injure anyone to the point of real death, unlike Tak, whether it’s his sexual exploits, knife fighting, or gambling.

It doesn’t occur to Laurens that people who are still alive can grow resentful and want revenge. Or that sometimes it’s kill or be killed, and you can’t always pay someone else to fight for you.

Laurens’ son Isaac causes a disturbance. Tak wonders whether Isaac should be a suspect. Laurens scoffs at the idea. He thinks Isaac is too weak to get up the nerve to pull off a murder. Tak notes that by staying alive for centuries, Laurens has disturbed the natural order of things. Isaac has never gotten to grow up completely and inherit the kingdom. Laurens thinks that’s a ridiculous point of view.

Laurens tells Tak that he could have all of his lost comrades and loves back if he lived in this time period. No one has to die. Tak insists that it’s up to God to decide who lives or dies. Laurens declares God dead, and himself and the others like him the new gods. Tak wonders why they need him then. Laurens says that all Gods have minions.

He sends Tak back to the party to use his Envoy Intuition. I think Laurens actually very much enjoys their little chats. He probably hasn’t had anyone stand up to hin this way in centuries. At least not someone who he valued enough to hold back on squashing them like a bug.

Tak works his way through questioning the guests. None of them care that Laurens was shot, but they do care that it could happen to them. The guests are appalled that someone got to a Meth so easily, and covered their tracks so well.

Kristin sees the Asian man who was watching the drone’s footage and asks Aboud to ID him. But there’s no one on the feed Kristin is sending Aboud.

Tak sees Miriam slip upstairs and behind a secret panel. He’s suspicious, so he follows her. He discovers “Miriam” having sex with Curtis, part of the security staff. Curtis leaves the room so they can talk privately.

Tak has figured out that someone else is wearing Miriam’s sleeve. It turns out to be Naomi, the 67 year old 12th daughter who’s taking Mom’s state of the art sleeve out for a joyride. Tak wonder’s if Miriam could have removed the particle blaster from the safe to shoot Laurens, but she explains that if Laurens dies, the rest of the family gets nothing. They’d be penniless.

Tak returns to the party and finds Isaac telling racist jokes to his father’s Japanese business associates. Tak apologizes for Isaac’s behavior in Japanese, and drags Isaac into the next room, where he slams him against the wall. He begins to question Isaac, asking how drunk you have to get to go Oedipal on your father. Isaac responds seriously, looking completely sober. He says he’s not stupid. He knows they’re all backed up.

That wasn’t a denial.

Prescott and a friend rush in to stop Tak’s interrogation. They quickly send Isaac away. Whatever the cover up is, Prescott is one of the chief people making sure no one ever discovers it. Isaac slips his spoiled, drunk rich boy persona back on as he leaves.

Prescott’s companion, who introduces herself as Clarissa Severin, dealer in art and antiquities, tells Tak that she expected more from him than pushing Isaac around. Maybe she was wrong about him when she brought him to Laurens’ attention. Laurens has been obsessed with Quell for forever. Clarissa received a hefty finder’s fee for Tak.

Tak gets that look on his face again, like he literally wants to jump out of this sleeve. He’s been turned into a commodity once again by these people. Did he fall under art or antiquities, I wonder? He needs to find a way to buy his own sleeve, as quickly as possible, much as I’m in love with Joel Kinnaman. Tak needs to make sure he doesn’t owe anyone, anything, most especially the Meths and their toxic culture of hanger ons.

After Clarissa leaves, Prescott reiterates that he needs to behave and not make waves. He’s just there as a useless novelty. She won’t allow him to get in the way of her plan to become a Meth.

So, whatever’s going on, she’s not just covering it up, she’s in on it, in exchange for a rise in status. If she’s not murdered first, to keep her from talking or using the plot for blackmail material.

It’s time for Show and Tell. Isaac’s up first, with a dessicated human hand he claims belonged to Konrad Harlan, founder of Harlan’s World. He has the hand give the finger to the crowd as a message, undoubtedly meant for Tak or Laurens or both.

Clarissa has a 6 foot long snake around her neck that she says is the sleeve for a rapist and murderer named Janus. Putting a human into an animal is illegal, but Clarissa thinks the laws don’t apply to people like them. Janus was about to be erased when she convinced him to come with her, but she didn’t tell him the details about his new sleeve. She put him back into a human once, but he just writhed on the floor, so he remains a snake.

Laurens is last, bragging that he has the most unique object of all, something no one but he owns. He introduces the last Envoy, Takeshi Kovacs. Tak looks uncomfortable, while everyone applauds. Laurens sends the crowds into the arena for the next round of entertainment.

Vernon slips down into the control room to offer the security guard stationed there a drink. As the guard drinks, Vernon pokes the man’s shoulder with the tip of his knife so that he gets a tiny dose of Reaper. The guard falls unconscious, with Vernon giving him post-drug use care instructions as he’s going under, like any good assailant. Vernon taps into the Sun house records and downloads the surveillance files for the night of Lizzie’s attack.

Laurens walks by Tak on his way to the arena. Tak says, “I thought you didn’t want to own me.” Laurens replies, “In this world, the only real choice is between being the purchaser and the purchased.” Then he keeps walking.

Laurens introduces the fighters, saying, “Tonight, combat to sleeve death, between a married couple who love each other.”

So, maybe he knows something about Tak’s childhood. Plus he gets the two-fer of threatening Miriam. If that’s the real Miriam now? I’m not clear on if it’s been her most of the time, or not at all. If anyone has figured it out, let me know. I think it was Naomi who said hello in the beginning of the party, but it’s the real Miriam now.

“Miriam” feels the show is in poor taste, But Laurens feels that no one’s forcing them. Ah, yes, the rapist’s excuse. It was only sorta coerced. There was no gun to their heads, just starving children to feed. They could be doing some of those other, nonexistent, jobs. Just like I’m sure Laurens would let Miriam or his children leave him.

The couple beat each other brutally, falling out of zero-G and fighting inches away from Tak. That was, of course, Laurens plan all along. Tak finally can’t stand it and reaches out a hand to stop the husband from punching his wife in the face repeatedly. Laurens quickly calls out that he’ll upgrade them both if they can take out the Envoy.

As soon as Tak enters the arena, Kristin insists that the fight be stopped. The man at the control panel says the fight sequence is locked. Laurens says it was an unfortunate accident that he didn’t turn in paperwork on the Envoy. But after all, Tak is legally his property.

The fight is graphic and bloody. It’s tense and exciting, since it’s in zero-G and two on one. After a few minutes, Laurens throws a ninja star in, saying that should make it more interesting. The wife catches it and uses it to slice down Tak’s back. Painful, but no finesse.

Tak calls Vernon on his com, but Vernon is still in the control room downloading files, and doesn’t know what’s happening. He hangs up on Tak. So much for back up. When he finishes, he rushes up to the arena and pulls out Tak’s gun. Kristin sees him and grabs it. She shoots out the control panel, disabling the zero-G and sending all three fighters crashing to the ground.

Kristin: “Gun just went off. One of those unfortunate accidents.”

Laurens just stares at her. I love her so much.

The husband’s leg breaks badly when he hits the ground. His wife loudly complains that his sleeve is ruined. Tak tells her that they fought an Envoy and lived, they should be happy. She tells him that, since no one died, they don’t get paid. She can’t afford to fix her husband’s injuries. Tak throws the ninja star into the husband’s heart, killing him, and says that the couple can have his winnings, including upgraded sleeves for both. Unless Laurens is going back on his word? Laurens says he’ll pay. “It’s only fair.”

Laurens and Miriam watched that entire exchange avidly, like it was the most interesting part of the show. A real person, with real concerns, and an honorable man who fought and died to protect freedom from being bought and sold, having a conversation about how the wife would take care of her husband and feed her children. Laurens and Miriam were like some kind of vampires. Nothing truly makes them feel anything any more, so they have to force out feelings in others, then feed off of them. Or sets up tests, to see how long it takes to corrupt good people, or to break them. Anyone caring about anything beyond themselves and money is fascinating to them.

Tak finds Laurens a little later. Laurens wants to be clear with Tak. He’s to stay away from Miriam. Tak assumes that Laurens was the one who spied on them the night before, but Laurens seems surprised by the accusation. He says he doesn’t need to spy on her.

Laurens: When you’ve been married to the same woman for over 100 years, you know what she does, and you know what she can’t help doing.

Tak: Why do you care what your wife does in her spare time, considering what you’re doing in yours?

Laurens: Your limited life experience can’t possibly encompass what it is to love another person for over 100 years. You achieve something close to veneration. How does one match such respect with the basest desires of the flesh?

Tak: So you love your wife too much to f*ck her?

Laurens: I certainly love my wife too much to let you f*ck her. Now, do you have anything to report on your investigations tonight?

Tak: No. Great party, though. Thanks.

Sometimes, I’d like to join the plot to get rid of Laurens. Also, we still don’t know who sent the spy drone.

Tak, Vernon, and Kristin meet up outside. They agree that the way the Meths live disgusts them. Kristin and Vernon introduce themselves to each other. Kristin returns Tak’s gun and tells him to stay out of trouble for a while. Tak gives Vernon a hard time for being terrible back up, then goes on to his next meet up. Vernon asks if Tak needs back up. Everybody gives Vernon a look. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

    Tak goes to Jack It Off to see if Alice has anything new for “Ava”. Alice stumbles out from behind her screen, covered in bruises. She grabs Tak’s shoulders and tells him they made her do it. He asks her what’s wrong, and what they made her do, just as she injects him with a giant syringe. He slowly drops, spectacularly shattering the glass screen as he falls through it. Tak hangs onto his backpack for dear life, but slips off his Oni before he loses consciousness.

The security goon with the spinal apparatus comes into the room with another man, saying he knew she’d do it. Then he slits Alice’s throat, and let’s her drop to lie on something furry next to Tak as rivulets of blood run down her neck. Can’t have violence done to Tak if there isn’t violence done to a mostly naked woman as well.

Vera Hall’s Death Have Mercy plays over the scene.

  Tak wakes up strapped to a gurney, being wheeled into a lab facility. A woman behind a desk asks how long he’s going to take. A Russian accent answers, “As long as we need. He’s waking up. Dose him.” A technician injects something into his neck.

Tak remembers telling his little sister, “We stick together, Rei. Never face the monsters alone.”

Has he been taken by another Mad Mykola?

  Laurens is incredibly condescending to Tak throughout the episode, as he assumes he’s so much older than Tak. Does Laurens, or anyone alive other than Tak, know his age? His history before he became an Envoy doesn’t seem to be common knowledge. Tak could be only 100, or he could be the human who’s been awake the longest. Either way, Laurens was purposely insulting during most of those speeches, when he talked about long term love and what not. It seems like Tak’s relationship with Quell wasn’t public knowledge, which is just as well, because it would be used against him now.

Laurens is a master at controlling people and keeping them in their places. I don’t think he even completely realizes he’s doing it anymore, in the moment, it’s such an ingrained habit. He certainly doesn’t see why it might breed murderous levels of resentment, even though he thinks of himself as a god. He really should read more Greek mythology. Or the history of any royal dynasty. Or just some Shakespeare.

Tak is visibly more comfortable in this body than he was in episode 1, especially as far as his physical use of the body, but he still has a hard time looking in mirrors. This is a great way for the show to continue to illustrate the cognitive dissonance that he has from being in a white man’s body. It brings out Tak’s inner thoughts about the sleeve that are represented in the book, but harder to show overtly onscreen.

His morning routine is used to show us how alone and lost he really feels in this alien future world. Every shower can be compared to the first shower of the series, which he shared with a female partner. Once he’s dressed and facing the world, his Envoy armor mostly covers that up. But the one thing that young Tak wanted from life was to never face the monsters alone.

The Mad Mykola story and surrounding scene explains Tak’s psychology, and the cultural psychology of stacks and sleeves. The regular people are worked to death to provide for a few wealthy people. The Meths are at the top of the heap, and they take not just the products of labor, but the children themselves- the young people’s bodies- and use them as new sleeves. The desire for sleeves is never-ending, meaning your life and your body aren’t really your own. If a wealthy person wants your sleeve, they’ll find a way to take it.

Like all fairytale mothers, Tak’s mother might as well not be there physically, because she’s unable to protect her children. Tak still feels safer with women than men, and prefers to work with a female partner.  He carries that pink backpack for a reason- it’s a symbol of the women he’s lost and couldn’t protect. It also reminds him of the qualities he doesn’t want to lose in himself. He easily recognizes how Poe is using pink during psychosurgery, while Vernon rejects its softness.

Pink codes female in this show. Not in a pejorative way, just as part of the show’s visual language. It’s frequently used for prostitution in particular in its various forms, but Poe rewrites it into symbolizing other traditionally female traits- safety, warmth, nurturing, protection. It stimulates Lizzie to speak for the first time, and the message is about her lost mother, who’s been frozen.

Lizzie says her mother stole stars from the sky. Stars actually belong to everyone and can’t be stolen. That suggests she found out something someone didn’t want her to see. Or she hacked something that particularly angered the Meths, the obvious metaphor for stars in the sky. She probably caught a Meth stealing. They ripped her soul out through her eyes, the traditional windows to the soul. So they interrogated  and tortured her. She’s spinning around and around- she’s caught in a trauma loop, like Lizzie, spinning but never spun up. Now she’s a dancer in the frost, with icicles in her hair- put on ice, like Tak was for 250 years, but apparently not completely asleep the way he was.

Was Ava taken as part of the attack on Lizzie? Are they connected? Did Bancroft tell Lizzie details about what happened to Ava, and what she was accused of? Was she framed/used?

All of these perfect sleeves have to come from somewhere. Imprisoning anyone who has a body a Meth wants seems like one good solution. Where do the fighters’ replacement sleeves come from, if clones are so expensive? The sleeve business and the rise of the Meths have turned everyone into a commodity to be bought, sold, used, displayed, and discarded, all at the discretion of their owner.

Even violent domestic abuse like Tak grew up with could be written off. Just compensate the victims with a new sleeve, the same way Laurens compensates the women he legally kills. They’ve convinced themselves that the violence, exploitation, and psychological damage don’t matter if it will all appear to be better by morning.

I believe, at this point, that we are seeing so many images of victimized women for this reason. (But I reserve the right to change my interpretation after I’ve watched more.) The Altered Carbon attitudes toward women don’t appear to be substantially different from our own. Women hold positions of political power, they work in everyday middle class fields, they own businesses and are respected professionals. They are wives and mothers.

They also are exploited sexually in every way possible, and the possibilities expand as technology develops. Society feels this is beneficial, because people who act out their urges under controlled “fake” circumstances supposedly won’t move on to commit real crimes.

The acts perpetrated on the women involved in the sex trade aren’t considered criminal, even though they might be if they happened in a private setting. Showing up for work is considered consent. But the sexual acts that started out as people living out their darkest fantasies have become normalized and fashionable. All women are expected to participate, and there’s major social pressure to consent.

A strictly classist society means that some women will have little choice but to end up working in the sex industry, meaning their “consent” is questionable. In an existential sense, and sometimes an actual physical sense, the consent of women can be questionable when having sex privately, since the expectation is so reinforced from birth that women will cooperate and make themselves available.

This is all celebrated by the culture, while the sexual violence that women in all walks of life experience is denied or seen as normal and fine. By showing us the victims of sexualized violence, over and over, and making them pretty, the showrunner is showing us what the future culture, and our own, does to women by oversexualizing them and making violence a normal part of sex. She’s showing us that this isn’t okay. Women can be traumatized and damaged beyond repair by this violence and abuse, but still look “pretty” to everyone else on the outside.

She gives us alternatives in Kristin and Quell, who aren’t oversexualized (so far) or prostitutes. They are people, not overly feminine or masculine, but still recognizably women. They do and fight for what they think is right. They are passionately alive, even though they’ve suffered. They have risen above their damage, and can’t be bought or sold by the people in power any longer.

That’s the true meaning of “We are Envoys, and we take what is given.”

      Altered Carbon Season 1 Episode 3: In a Lonely Place Recap Laurens: "In this world, the only real choice is between being the purchaser and the purchased."

[thelifetimechannel]