#it's just like how I have no interest in self-insert stories bc I cannot place myself in Y/N's shoes. this is just yuh-nuh's story now

[vimbry]

kinda related, I reblogged a poll not long ago about if you have celebrity crushes and how you define that, where one of the options was: "it means I fantasise about having sex/a relationship with them." and people in the notes were like ewww, who does That, that's weird. which. huh. the amount of people agreeing with that sentiment struck me as odd. that's a very normal experience lol.

it's literally just a fantasy. it Could be a problem if it were maladaptive or developed into something parasocial that affected your actions in reality, but not inherently. daydreaming about people you find attractive is fine.

[utilitycaster]

sort of an offshoot of that post about video game characters but I think I've mentioned before the third person v. first person split in D&D, namely, do you say "I attack it with my scimitar" or "Drizzt attacks with his scimitar". This is a well-known thing in TTRPGs, I'm sure you can find more intelligent discussion about it, but it's come up for me specifically in that a lot of old-school D&D players skew hard towards third person and often they are less interested in actual play, because they see D&D as a narrative tool. There's no self-inserts; they are narrating the exploits of a guy they made. And so the parasocial elements (which are not necessarily bad, it just depends, and that's another post) have no appeal, and even things like accents don't really.

I don't think third person vs. first person necessarily means "not a self insert vs. self insert." I switch between the two and often use first person. But I don't feel like any D&D character I've played is a self-insert. They have aspects of me, sure, because of course they do, I need to be able to play them and try to think like them, but I think in a game where death and failure are really possible and where you must collaborate and where your options are rather limited - because even in D&D, they are limited by the type of game it is - it's actually vital to separate yourself out from your character.

It comes down to something I've said a lot about so many things in fiction (but yeah, this does bleed into real life): are you able to accept a character who is not like you? Are you able to accept a character who might make wildly different choices than you would? Is your capacity to empathize or see a character as a person limited by them specifically hitting some demographic or philosophical targets you have constructed? Can you, even in a low risk, fictional environment, let yourself be different from how you are.

this seems very silly but I think I may have alluded to Justin McElroy talking about not being able to play fat characters in most games, and so he often just plays characters who do not look a thing like him. He often plays as a woman of color. (I don't recall where this came up? I think it might have been on an ancient polygon video or maybe commentary on one of the TAZ seasons? I'd love to find it again). And I think that's actually really great that this was his instinct. I don't want to diminish the importance of RPGs and TTRPGs for self-discovery; obviously it's been a place for many people to explore gender and sexuality, especially, and I do not want to take away the ability for someone to play as a woman in a game before you feel like you can live as a woman publicly in real life (and notably my issues with the BG3 and Inquisition player characters are not ones of gender/sex/race, ie, I think it is personality and background that might need to be more pre-determined). But yeah, if you cannot connect with characters who aren't like you that's a problem, and it does feel a little frustrating that we know that centering a self-insert OC type makes for a worse story and people still want that.

I've always been intrigued by pre-made sheets in TTRPGs where you are limited in some way, not in a dumb "oh my god you can't play a druid bc I'm a weird vindictive dude mad that your nature magic beats my weaponry" way but just as an exploration of having to walk a mile in other people's shoes and to be a person other than one that you created to exist within your comfort zone. Because a lot of people aren't Justin, and do play themselves or as close to it as they can, regardless of what is happening around them, and I think that is a mistake.

[marimopeace]

there's a limit on how much you can be an isekai intellectual...

a bunch of analyses have been popping up before me all day so i wanted to throw my hat into the ring. all love to ppl who are exercising their creative minds + ppl like geoff here who just talk about these things because of fan interest but i feel like there reaches a point where exploring the "types" of isekai is pointless? i've seen ppl list out the different types of villainess revenge isekai or fantasy mmorpg isekai but eh why fit them all into separate boxes like that?

i think it's easier to think of isekai as a "type" (genre) of itself with only two categories: 1) a focus on isekai (lit. another world) 2) tensei (lit. to be reborn). this allows for a variety of applications and thus tropes that ppl see so many trends of!

with isekai - in another world

you see everything from:

pure fantasy (inuyasha, digimon wait maybe not the best example but in my childhood mind i count digimon as pure fantasy, fushigi yugi)

mmorpg inspired fantasy/adventure (.hack//legend of twilight, sao ugh, log horizon, overlord (LOVE OVERLORD!)

otome game-esque worlds >>> this is where it gets complicated with "villainess routes" since i admit there are multiple villainess tropes but this is why it's nice to not think of this as a "sub-type/genre" bc it frees you from those complications! (the saint's magic power is omnipotent, the white cat's revenge as plotted from the dragon king's lap soso cute!, the savior's book cafe in another world, i'm a villainous daughter so i'm going to keep the last boss wait i can't remember if she's reborn in this one lmaooo see this is why rules make everything hard)

with tensei storylines - being reincarnated/reborn in another world as *insert character/role*

you see...

the same tropes!!

pure fantasy (a returner's magic should be special, reminiscence adonis, the lady and the beast, light and shadow, i can't think of a manga off the top of my head for this ah)

mmorpg inspired fantasy/adventure (so i'm a spider so what i stan kumoko so hard, her majesty's swarm, can't name another off the top of my head ah i hate lists shorter than two things...)

self-insert based games/novels (fiance's observation log of a self-proclaimed villainess, who made me a princess, death is the only ending for the villainess, the villainess wants to marry a commoner, honestly games vs novels are different applications but i'm not in the headspace to try to remember a bunch of both lol)

*insert line break to give random ppl a break from scrolling but tl; dr just enjoy things for what they are no need to micro analyze*

similar variations occur in both genres (if ppl want to be super technical i guess i'm arguing that isekai itself is a massive genre that has the "another world" subgenre and "reincarnation" subgenre tl; dr) so i think it's honestly a huge pain to try to separate all these trends into so many different types of stories. for me personally it's easier to not get overwhelmed by this gigantic umbrella of "isekai" that spans light novels, manhwa, manga, and mobile games by just stripping each story down into its trademark tropes (aka character archetypes, story structures) and slapping "oh this is a person going to a world that's not ours" and "this person gets reborn as blank in another world". none of this "omg this power fantasy is such a this kind of isekai moment" or "there are 14 different types of villainess revenge stories and this series fits into this" bc AH labels! limitations! circle-jerks via ppl trying to compartmentalize everything and sound smart for leaving a comment on story analysis instead of ooh-ahhing over a character's face! dividing things into light novel manga vs manga vs korean manhwa ft. female characters!

the last bit is mainly why i feel frustrated by ppl's insistence to group everything?

the video linked at the beginning of the post (honestly good video essay, i enjoyed it, i just kept thinking in my head the whole time "marimo these are tropes do not take the genre talk literally") has a baby comment thread talking about "korean isekai manhwas" as a genre featuring nothing but reincarnated villainess' and i can't.

like i cannot acknowledge that as a genre of any sort. the energy i felt reading through some of those insights takes me back to 2012 when all yt americans discovered k-pop and deemed all korean music k-pop from then on! (ppl still do this now, yes you are seen and don't talk to me pls i don't like you. k-pop is korean pop music and nothing less and nothing more. take a few seconds and try to parse apart aspects of korean culture instead of slamming everything into a monolithic label that has the letter k and a hyphen.) it feels so odd to see a bunch of young ppl on ig and tiktok acknowledge korean media that happens to be in the form of a webtoon as "oh stories all about young girls becoming villains in stories they made/played" bc it feels so reductive u.u

(positionality disclaimer that i'm praying isn't actually necessary: i am a 3rd-generation korean of japanese descent do not fite me i am exhausted irl of ppl asking for validation/verification bc massive shove off.)

breaking news! korean manhwa...is just as multifaceted as japanese manga...bc how can comics as an art-form not have multiple genres...huh such a shocker?!?! same likely applies to media in other parts of the world like chinese manhwa and french comics--not my place to explain either of those i just know those industries exist bc of wakfu and donghua shows by Tencent.

at the end of the day it's not like analyzing any kind of isekai is wrong--absolutely not!! i think it can be super fun to think about how isekai elements complicate a story (MCs trying to go back home, ppl from the og world, reincarnation plot-twists) or maybe even bash a series for including some kind of other world element when they could have just written a super fun fantasy.

insert marimo's brief ramble that hey you can get sick of truck-kun's hitting disillusioned guys who happen to be super duper smart or girls who happen to be master chefs/craftsmen but transporting a fully-grown being into a fantasy setting is the ultimate cheat code for making mundane modern technology seem cool and overpowered, and being reincarnated as a fully grown person in a world with a pre-made story/game set-up completely bypasses the need for an author to slowly flesh out world-building in a natural progression so isekai is actually a really smart writing tool it's just that there are some series where the author didn't use it well at all and it's cheesy or clearly isekai was misused as a vehicle for character/story development and it was pointless *DEEP BREATH OUT*

in this essay i will argue...lol i am such a culture studies major!! if i were an english major i would be talking all about writing but here i am having a side-tangent about world-building via someone being reborn wow i love this for me (don't get me started on when an author has someone reincarnate as a baby and the story is mostly them having warm fluffy moments with their family--typically father figures--and getting lots of powers i could and would and probably will rant about east asian toxicity)

but anyway am i crazy????? like yes for being passionate about the technical use of a word like genre (i am a scorpio rising let me be fussy pls) but i don't think it's a lot to ask for ppl to not unironically see "villainess revenge isekai" as the definition of korean manhwa.

idk as someone who resonates with why japanese isekai is so popular domestically + why a lot of korean manhwa feat. the same tropes (it's not for great reasons lads it's actually depressing tbh) i'm just starting to feel kind of pained by the generalization and need to separate "cute japanese girl in an otome game"/"japanese boy finds a harem in another world" from "korean girl dies and comes back as a villainess" bc they are just! applications to the same story device!!

recommendations for any who makes it this far down below <3

// also gladly recommend any of the examples i've listed in the above rant as i've read/watched all of them and adore them v much! //

save me princess

super refreshing fantasy manhwa ft. a princess and her ex-boyfriend having to save the world!

the beginning after the end

an AMERICAN web novel turned into a comic (but see it being not korean/japanese doesn't really matter when you just consider isekai as a genre...isn't it nice to not overthink it?) ft. a super-powerful wizard king reincarnated into another world and starting from scratch--gives mushoku tensei vibes but huge twists!

the reason why raeliana ended up at the duke's mansion

love love LOVE this story--read the title and you'll learn how this girl reincarnated as the character raeliana in a book gets married to a duke!

trash of the count's family

such a good novel!! a guy gets reborn as a lazy oaf and he takes the hero of the story under his wing...plot twists come up later on!

this time i will definitely be happy!

v good and refreshing for a shorter series! she's been reborn 3 times and remembers every time the hero's stabbed her in the back, and now she just wants to break up with him!

silver diamond

older manga but v good adventure w intrigue! a boy who loves plants get sucked into a desert world with demonic lizards and a mysterious bodyguard by his side. shonen-ai not BL but wonderful vibes nonetheless + great side characters!

the princess imprints a traitor

adore everything in this from the world (not in that way this society makes me so angry) to the machinations at play and the dynamic between the fl and ml

[insomniac-arrest]

how NOT to do a tournament arc

It’s kind of sad, I really enjoyed the first book in the “Darker Shade of Magic” series by VE Schwab, I even rated it 4 stars on my Goodreads! People told me that the second book, A Gathering of Shadows, was even better and I was pretty excited.

However, I cannot get myself to finish the last 80 pages or so. I am really close to the end, but I just Do Not Care. I have stopped caring about these characters or what happens to them. I think the main problem is that I actually really love “tournament arcs,” they are literally always my favorite arcs in Shonen manga.

the tournament arc in the Naruto series?? life-changing. the tournament arc in My Hero Academia? literally the only full arc I’ve seen of that show. The tournament arc in Yu Yu Hakusho? so much fun. even outside of manga, the second Hunger Games book is my favorite of the three because I think the arena/game itself is really interesting and I’m a shallow bitch.

Lee vs Gaara?? 😩👌

I think it’s this love of the trope that kind of ruined the book for me because Schwab fundamentally mishandles why audiences care about our heroes joining or winning these things. *SPOILERS AHEAD*

So I literally hated the reason for every single character joining the tournament. Not only are most of them way too OP to be joining this tournament (it’s like the reverse underdog trope and I hate it), but the reasons they join are generally weak and actively make me want them to lose.

Why does Naruto do the tournament arc? He wants to go up in the ninja hierarchy and it’s a stepping stone to his overall goal of becoming a hokage. And, as always, he’s trying to prove his self worth as a person by punching people real good. He is an underdog and seeing him win is thus satisfying. You want him to win for practical, emotional, and cathartic reasons. It’s not that complex.

None of the heroes in A Gathering of Shadows want to join the tournament for practical reasons and seeing them win achieves no catharsis. They do have emotional reasons for joining it, but their emotional reasons actively make me want to bully them. Let’s get into it.

Lila wants to join the tournament to test her magic and also run away from her cool pirate life she always wanted because of Issues I guess. I found her reasons for joining the most acceptable of the 3, but also frankly vague and boring. She kind of just has this sense she has to join. The thing that really got me is how she goes out of her way to kidnap and replace this rando in the competition.

She is technically an underdog here, but having guessed by this point she is a *SPOILERS* Antari, I already know she is super powerful and is way too magically gifted for being in this normal-people magic Olympics. I don’t watch Haikyuu for the tall people dunking on other teams! I watch it for the short king overcoming height-ism! Your stories about genetically superior magic people suck!!

If she had like, an actually compelling reason to insert herself into the competition-- such as being in poverty and needing prize money or seeking revenge or political sabotage or wanting to win the heart of a girl, I might be more forgiving. But the fact she just kinda wants to . . test herself, and fucks up someone else’s life to do that, just made me angry. I get that’s she’s a spunky, wild-card, the author describes her as a “self-serving badass,” but she was just so weakly motivated that the self-serving part made me root against her. She’s out there messing with someone’s entire profession just to “test her abilities.” This is some villainy shit.

This and the fact her “not-like-other-girls” fuckery was all over the place in this book (one of her love interests literally says “you’re not like other girls”) rubbed me the wrong way.*

*Note: the first book also had this problem too, but I was kind of willing to forgive it bc I was interested in the magic stuff going on. But Schwab did NOT course correct and I had to have this whole do-I-dislike-Lila-bc-of-internalized-misogyny debate with myself. Luckily, I discovered that the only character I really liked in this book was Rhy regardless of gender.

Alucard is also there. I don’t clearly remember his motivation for joining, but he is already wealthy and has status and allies and doesn’t really need to join this tournament so I also did not particularly care if he won or lost. He’s also just, very pompous. Which, yeah, made him likable enough, but again, pompous characters in tournament arcs are not the ones you’re rooting for. That’s not why you watch.

Finally, Kell, king of the Over Powered angst trope, wants to join the tournament because he dreams of violence. He wants to fight other people. He has some bloodlust which he feels real bad about, but also damn does he want to use his magic powers to punch people. Like, dummies and training are not enough, it has to be real flesh and blood people to pummel.

I can’t emphasize how thoroughly this turned me off. Characters who join tournaments literally just for the purpose of smacking other people around are villains in these type of stories. They aren’t doing it for the prize or redemption or self-worth shit or love. And I wanted Kell to lose so bad!! I wanted him to get water-slapped across the stage! Not only was he way too overpowered in this tournament for me to care, but the reasons he’s in the tournament actively pissed me off. You want to find freedom in violence Kell? :( absolutely not.

And like, he does lose, but it’s only because he lets Lila win. No struggle. No gay little speeches. No random heartfelt trauma reveal or character development.

I hate it here.

Naturally, a western book does not have to follow random anime tropes, but shouldn’t readers be a bit invested in this staging since it takes up a large part of the book?

None of these characters are in the tournament for interesting reasons that make me want to root for them. Some characters who I was neutral on to begin with, literally made that Sims relationship thing pop up above my head when I read this

I know what you’re thinking: But Insomniac! The book isn’t about the tournament! It’s just the set-dressing! You must have noticed, the tournament fight scenes were really brief and boring. The main conflict is between the real villain and the main characters.

And I’m like . . . then why were the magic olympics there? Also, the fact all these characters were joining this important sports event for shallow reasons really did a number on my perception of them. None of them even want to be Hokage. This is ridiculous.

Anyway, as a side note I was interested in the Rhy/Alucard interaction, but I’ll probably never finish this book so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[arofili]

how’d u get into writing? like, writing fic and being part of the silm community, being Known, that stuff? i’m really new to being a silm cc and i’d love to know ur advice! also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs? bc i have a Lot of hcs and meta ideas but also i’m really anxious abt posting them bc yknow anxiety is like that

these are some great questions, anon! I’m gonna go through them one by one :)

how’d u get into writing?

not to be like, super cliche, but I’ve...kind of always been a writer? as long as I can remember I’ve been telling stories, and when I was too young to read or write I would dictate them to my mom, who would type them up for me and help me choose clipart illustrations to accompany them. when I got old enough I would always be writing; I attempted my first novel at age 9, and while that never really went anywhere I did finish the darn thing and it had some pretty sophisticated plot twists for a 9-year-old!

like, writing fic

around the same time I got into fandom! I was deep into Warrior cats (like. really deep) and I believe I started writing my first fics when I was like? 10 or 11? my memory is kind of fuzzy on the order of things, but I know I got an account on the Warriors forums when I was 9, and that I was already posting my fic there when I made my FFN account. I believe I was 12 when that happened, but who knows. I haven’t the faintest idea of what happened with those forums, but uhhh pretty much all of my Warriors fic is still up on FFN lmao. you could probably find that if you want to but um...maybe don’t?

my first Big Fic was a self-insert of...my entire 5th/6th grade class into the then-current timeline of the Warriors books...well. I honestly think that might still be my most popular fic of all time l m a o though I try not to think about it because Hashtag Cringe. though as much as I look back on that time with a “yikes,” I am very grateful for the Warriors fandom in a way? that place was so accepting and encouraging of OCs, of AUs, of completely disregarding canon, of worldbuilding that is completely alien from canon - it was a fantastic sandbox to begin with, there were so many ways to write stories and practically all of them were accepted and had fellow fans invested in them!

and being part of the silm community, 

soooo I wrote Warriors fic until my freshman year of high school (wow sdjfhkdsjfh), which was when BOTFA came out, and I was absolutely wrecked by the ending and immediately started writing my own fixit fic. I was also super hooked on Kiliel! so that was my intro to the Tolkien fandom; and simultaneously, I joined tumblr, and, well, the rest is history tbh.

I honestly do not remember when I first read the Silm, but I kind of got into the more obscure parts of the Tolkien fandom through fandom osmosis, and I do have a vague memory of doodling the Finwean family tree in geometry class so it might have been later on in freshman year? that was also the same time I was having my Queer Awakening, and Russingon definitely contributed to me unlearning my internalized queerphobia, so probably around then.

anyway - queer awakening, tumblr, Tolkien, transitioning from FFN to AO3 - all of that was happening around the same time. I know I dipped my toes in the Silm fandom then, but I was still primarily a Hobbit fic writer focusing on Kiliel. toward the end of high school I kind of shifted to LOTR and (qp) Gigolas...but somehow the Silm fandom is the most active of the Big Three within the Tolkien fandom, and I was getting dragged further and further in.

it wasn’t until @backtomiddleearthmonth 2019, my freshman year of college, that I really dove into writing Silm fic! I picked some Silm-specific bingo cards and never looked back :D that was really not all that long ago but I am obsessed in a way I don’t really remember being even with TH/LOTR, I obviously cannot see the future but I anticipate hanging out here for a long time. the Silm fandom is great overall and there’s just so much material to work with!! <3

being Known, that stuff?

so I don’t really have a whole lot of context on how “well known” I am in the fandom?? definitely within the past year and a half or so I’ve noticed that I like, get asks like this, and get a significant amount of notes on my posts, and I’ve made a lot of fandom friends especially since I joined some Silm servers on Discord (hmu if you want invites; I’m on the SWG server and 2 general Silm servers and the Russingon server) this past year. and I have 3,000 followers as of this month - and while ever since I hit 1k I don’t particularly pay attention to my follower count I can definitely say that I have more engagement now than I used to! but it took me a long time to build this “audience,” I suppose; I’ve been around the Tolkien fandom since late 2014, so nearly 6 years of this, lol.

really the best way to build a following, in my experience, is to just post a lot of stuff. when I started making edits I got a lot more engagement, because for a long time I would post one every day! (I made them in batches and queued them; I didn’t actually make one every day lol...and now I’m too busy to do that, so I just make edits for events and whenever I feel like it) And I have [checks ao3] 145 works in the Silm fandom as of today - I’m fairly prolific! I’ve come to generally expect 3-10 comments on most of my oneshots, which is a lot more than I used to have back in the day. consistency and quantity are more likely to attract people to your work - and quality, of course.

also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs?

I’ve been writing since I was very young, and I’ve been writing fic for like...11 years? I think? in that time I’ve produced a lot of garbage, but imo most of that was in my Warrior cats phase, so I came into the Tolkien fandom with confidence in myself and my writing. I’m also working on original fiction on the side (I hope to eventually become a published fantasy author, but right now school takes up most of my time that I don’t devote to fandom, which gives me more immediate gratification and also is just Very Fun) and I know I’m a good writer.

basically, I’ve been doing this for like...half my life, and I’m still fairly young, so I’ve had time to build up my skill and confidence and I know I’m only going to get better with time. you will get better with practice. like I said, I’ve written a lot of terrible stuff, and it’s only through sucking for a long time that I’ve gotten to the point I am now. and I am far from perfect; I know I still have lots of room to grow!

for meta and headcanons specifically, I started with writing fic, and then when I didn’t think I could stretch something into an entire fic I would just make a hc post. I have a vivid memory of writing my first meta in a notebook during driver’s ed because it was so goddamn boring and I had Thoughts about Tauriel and Thranduil!

in my experience, meta comes from having Opinions and wanting to share them and most importantly to back them up - you need to have sources! you need to have reasons! you need to have justification! otherwise it’s not meta, it’s a headcanon or an AU. which is fine!! I love hc/AU!!! but they are not the same as meta, and I’m a stickler for being accurate when it comes to meta. if you have sources and shit to back you up, that will help you build the confidence to share your meta.

sharing disinformation and passing it off as meta instead of just coming out and saying this is a headcanon/baseless theory/AU or whatever is such a fandom pet peeve of mine; it’s not bad for something to not be Accurate! you just have to have that disclaimer - and even when you’re writing meta, you’re offering an interpretation of the text, and you need to acknowledge that other interpretations also exist and are valid.

um. I hope this answers your questions? and sorry for basically word-vomiting my entire life story, lol. this post got long; the main reason I’ve written so much fic is because I really just cannot shut up for the life of me. sooo if you can tear of that filter of being shy and just. say shit. you can go so far~!

OH and one more thing - I can’t believe I almost forgot this - but part of being a writer is participating in the community. this is code for LEAVE A DAMN COMMENT IF YOU LIKE A FIC. that’s how I made most of my fandom friends before Discord! I follow @ao3feed-silmarillion and stalk that blog for new Silm fics; I read the ones that interest me and comment on them.

I know this is not really the most common way for folks to find fic but it’s so rewarding to interact with new fic, new writers, new commentors, new stories - you can find gems that don’t rise to the top of the kudos/bookmark lists; you become friends with your fellow writers; you can watch people grow and change; you support smaller content creators. yeah, you might not be getting Just The Best Stuff, but it’s so so so worth it!!

and if you make friends in the comment section of other people’s fic - I guarantee you some of them will go to your AO3 profile and check out your fic, too! and they’ll leave comments! this is a fic community, and that’s what I cherish about fandom most of all, tbh.

anyway - again - sorry for rambling so much, but I hoped this helped! feel free to send in another ask, or to come talk to me off anon if you’d like! and definitely send me your stuff if/when you decide to share it; I would love to support you!!! <3

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

[whirlybotart]

Blurr for the character ask thing? (btw i rlly like reading ur thoughts on em!! real cool stuff)

op come off of Anon so I can give u big kissy I’m begging u/j  seriously tho oh my god that’s like the best compliment u could ever give me ever I love talking about my interests and when other people enjoy it, it just makes it even better! I’ll gladly do Velocity for ya!!! I simp for this man tho be warned.

First impression

okay so back when I was watching Prime, funnily enough, I found a TFA Sh*ckblurr fanfic and read it, but I had no idea who tf Blurr was so technically my first impression was that he was some oc/self insert.

But I doubt that’s the answer u want so I will say right off the bat I loved him and hated it because I very much knew he would die. I also was hardcore into the idea of Bee falling in love with this fucking,,, blue car the first time it saved him not knowing it was a person because that’d be fucking hilarious.

Impression now

I love him so fucking much he is an absolute fave of mine. I love how strict n angry he is when Bee fucking disrespects him and I feel like he would look him in the eye and call him a dumb fucking bottom.

he’s probably one of the only sensible bots in the elite guard and I love that he’s smart and also talks so fucking weird at the same time. The fucking way that he says “Which while technically accurate lacks a certain creativity.” And the noise he makes when Shockwave attacks him ugh I Want to Marry Him.

Favorite moment

WHEN HE RAN ACROSS THE GALAXY TO GET TO CYBERTRON? I FELL IN  L O  VE. Seeing that scene unironically makes me Simp hard for Blurr. seeing his drive and determination and How fucking Cool he is. It’s so so good, just the perfect way to show off his entire character. Getting irritated at the Starscream clones and scolding them angrily and then being an absolute badass as he gets away? Not to be gay but dkfljcwhmlfiunw34hf89nhe98rghecufcyg8edffadsf I love Him,

When I think of Blurr I think of that sequence and I wish more people did tbh.

Idea for a story

KINDA ENEMIES TO LOVERS BLURRBEE FANFIC WHEN? Okay I love the fluff there is of these two but the idea of an au where Blurr stays with the crew sounds amazing because I think Bee would absolutely Hate it. How Dare Blurr be a faster twink than he is Bee is constantly back talking Blurr n being rude n sassy to him while Blurr is getting tired of this short ass twink He is trying to do important Elite Guard stuff and does Not need this sass!

But eventually, Blurr does smth kickass and Bee is like ‘oh no I’m in love’ But now that he has,,, been being an ass to Blurr for so long he had no idea how to deal with this change in events, and when he starts being more of his usual self and being nice to Blurr, Blurr is like ‘oh no I’m in love’ but still thinks Bee does not like him that much so he doesn’t know how to deal with this change in events. 

Unpopular opinion

I Will never understand why 80% of the fandom portrays him they way they do. Blurr may not be super graceful or talk in a normal way but he is pretty fucking clever, he was the one who figured out how to get out of mixmaster’s concrete.

To me he is a strict but caring mech who really does want to do the best for Cybertron and will stop at nothing to do it. He ran across the galaxy for the people he wants to protect and fought till the end he is anything but nervous baby UwU. And no amount of that weird-ass brainwashing or manipulating Shockwave does in any of those fanfics would stop him.

When Longarm attacked him out of nowhere Blurr made a point of not freezing up, he may have freaked out who wouldn’t but he didn’t let himself get caught even in the midst of figuring out what was going on. This mech knows what he’s doing.

Also, Sh*ckblurr makes no sense to me,,, unless Shockwave renounced being a con or proved he didn’t want to hurt people and wasn’t a threat to Cybertron I’m pretty sure Blurr would obliterate him instantly given the chance.

He can be kind of an ass too and like, that’s okay ur faves can,,, not always be super nice soft boys I like Blurr being a bit of an ass. That’s just a fun character flaw y’all.

Favorite relationship

Him and Bee’s bickering was really cute and funny to see and the thing in the manga where they take down Lugnut and Blitzwing is amazing I cannot express how cute it is to see them merrily whistling away <3

Wish we had seen more of it but oh well... It gives me all the fuel I need to think about them on a daily basis so really where’s the loss?

Favorite headcanon

Blurr’s handwriting is fucking chicken scratch, Longarm and Cliff have just resorted to forcing him to let other people write out his reports for him even though Blurr insists he can read it just fine...

Also he was a cadet around the same time Longarm Bee Wasp n Ironhide were and he was an absolute show off, so the other cadets all hated him. Bc of that for a while he was just an errand bot in the Elite guard mostly delivering stuff from place to place which humbled him and mellowed him out a bit to be the Intel Agent we know now, and now he is super embarrassed by his younger self’s behavior. <3

[class-doodlez]

Theory time for those who refuse to accept the epilogues

A little long, but this is how I’ve rationalized what the hell I’ve read in a way that leaves me somewhat satisfied. Even to the point where I’d say I begrudgingly respect the epilogues and consider them outstandingly clever despite being frustrating for fans. I have to acknowledge the cleverness with a nod, bc aaaah you little bastard hussie you, you got me again goddammit. I was not r e a d y for all these damn LEVELS but I guess that’s just what ya get.

We begin with: Everything in homestuck has significance.

The story is so complex, and we should know by now that whenever something seems strange and insignificant, it is DEFINITELY significant. If thinking you’re crazy for seeing strange patterns was ever welcome anywhere, it’s in homestuck. This is the place crazy theories come true. (Oil spots? Betty Crocker???) Which brings me to meat or candy. I’ve tried overthinking it and analyzing the fanfic format and the meanings of two different versions and I’ve come to this conclusion:

Meat and Candy were written by the two Calliopes

More specifically, Candy was written by the Calliope we know and Meat by the super powerful dead space Calliope who dominated their session. Just look at the actual pictures for meat and candy.

Candy is a swirl of green and red, like Calliope’s cheek markings, who never dominated. Meat is pure red, like the Calliope who dominated and ‘stole’ Caliborn’s blood color. Also, don’t the concepts of meat and candy line up with their two personalities? Our Calliope is rather sweet I’d say, and the other Calliope is far bloodier and holds more weight. (btw I’m using colors for understanding)

I’ve considered the possibility of Caliborn writing them, but honestly he is not capable of the language and vocabulary used. Plus, we already know Calliope likes writing fan fiction starring themself and their friends. When writing a fanfic about your friends, you may know them well, but since you are not them and are not all knowing, your perspective of them may be a bit off. And that’s what the epilogue feels like, off. For example, we know Calliope cannot(or at least does not fully understand) romantic relationships. Perhaps this is why all the romantic parts of Candy are strange. Jade is over sexualized, and everything romantic is confusing. As if the one writing does not understand how it works. The plot point of the reproductive issues seems like something Calliope would be interested in since it is foreign to them. Plots of democracy, not understanding incest or human and troll interactions. It all lines up with Calliope’s thinking. Also, whenever Calliope is described, they are mysterious and knowledgeable, with no insight or inner thoughts. When you write for yourself you tend to reveal no flaws. The Calliope described in candy is exactly that. Simply sweet. Isn’t that how they described their trollsona? (Also, didn’t the tags say something about a self insert?) The story that developes could very well be their work, which may perhaps be based on reality but is still a story, not facts, and not canon. But in a way it is canon since a canon character wrote it, so it does exist in canon, and we as readers cannot distinguish what is true, what is exaggerated, and what is completely made up.

Wooh, ok, time for the next part. Meat and the other Calliope

We know from canon that this Calliope is less emotional, straightforward and unempathetic. This one does not care for relationships or accurate depictions of emotions, their story moves faster and is much more plot heavy, leaving characters under Dirk’s control. We don’t know much about Calliope and don’t quite understand their purpose other than that they are powerful and important. If this is indeed their work, we can trust that meat is closer to the truth than candy simply based on the two Calliope’s personalities as writers. But again, we don’t know this Calliope as well, and cannot determine with 100% accuracy what is true from their story. This Calliope may have left out ‘unimportant’ emotional parts and character interactions (this may even be disgusting to them). They could make the story as dark as they want and feel no remorse, because they believe that this is the necessary way to tell the story. There must be learning from consequences so they are not repeated, and so every dark part written is necessary. Meanwhile, our Calliope would likely rather spend their story writing about their friends and observing interesting human behavior, because isn’t it so exciting to see how they bicker and talk to each other and set up their cute little society!? This Calliope would rather avoid the subject of their brother as it brings up bad memories. However it cannot go unignored, and perhaps the true story is subconsciously told told through a coat of sugar.

In conclusion~

The epilogues were written by the Calliopes

Neither are truly canon, but rather they tell the author’s story loosely based off of the events following canon homestuck

Meat is too dark and bloody, Candy is too sweet and artificial

The true story is unwritten, a balanced combination of both Meat and Candy, and it is nearly impossible to recognize even when looking right at it, because understanding the truth requires understanding two other minds, one of which we hardly know at all

Caliborn’s story has ended, he had enough time in the spotlight. An equal to him determines what happens now, and suddenly the reigns are passed to Calliope, who does their best to share them with you, the reader. Giving you a taste of control, YOU determine the truth of the aftermath. You are the ultimate self. Calliope(hussie?) has written this in a way that you can justify just about anything you want as long as it is viewed through this lense. Maybe there is a right answer, but it’s just as likely that any answer is right! Like a frustratingly riddled sprite, this is your given guide! Hoo hoo hoo! What a gift, this power you’ve been given! Have fun dear! The game is over! Now you tell me, what happened?

[lcnguor]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — Since she is an OC with her own lore I would say pretty much . Of course there are some heres and theres and she changed a lot from the first time I dragged her out of the void of my head . I originally wanted to make more of a gag character but ended up taking too much of the screen if I’m honest . but of course , since there is many other lores and crossovers are a must , some things change once or twice .

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  Nora is a mentor character , supportive and most likely to be the ace under the sleeve like a Kisuke Urahara from Bleach or Sinbad from Magi --- you know there’s something fishy but there is a charm that even thought they are slidding in the background for the main character , their relevance is vast . As a mentor characters , she would often help with insight , understanding of complex things , giving moral lessons and giving others a sense of security whilst also making sure to throw hints about a doubious nature . Keeping a character around her to keep their feet on ground while never shooting down their hopes and dreams .

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  She is not approachable unless you have enough guts to -- perhaps even looks intimidating or hard to come up with something plausible to make the meeting more natural . And honestly , she looks like a mainstream angst character at first glance --- even I myself believe this and start having second thoughts ... :laughs:  

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  An old project I had archived in my closet of memories (?). She was the main , nameless character of a journal about , well , her and the emotions she had to deal with in the everyday . I will be seriously honest ... it was a self insert :blushes: after all it was like a personal journal I was doing on my darkest days . But after that , she became Sable -- the first character on her own -- who also served as a mentor ( but the story was much more dark , seriously ) and then just came to this . I even used the pre-prototype name lol . The idea was to put the whole story into a RPG pixel game or a short comic series where she ( Sable ) and the protagonist would wander around a city called “Nobody’s Home” , a place were people with “thats” ( what now are called Stalkers ) got dragged into and either confront their emotions and solve / comes in terms with them or get eaten by them ( a metaphor for suicide or dead by mental illness ) . The story was more or less about Sable teaching Nona ( the genderless protagonist ) about different mental states , issues and others and helping people solve them so they can return to the real world . Needless to say , the story ends with Nona returning after coming in terms with their condition ( funnily enough , the protagonist had a bunny shaped emotion ) while on the other hand Sable stayed behind along with her closest friend , who she question why he keeps being around if he could return himself , to what he replies he doesn’t want to leave her alone esp since she can no longer return --- hinting Sable committed suicide but by sheer will power remained there to help others to deal with what she couldn’t . Voez , the friend I mention , is even Victor from her current lore . Haha , I like recycling I guess . When I came with Nora , it was mostly to kill time and altered her base story a bit since the original plot was way to close up to make an interaction .

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  How well received she became , I know it sounds a bit ... uh , bad . But I honestly never expected people to like her . heck I even have my doubts about myself liking her haha . plus I know it’s not easy to deal with a character with a somewhat meta power ... I still struggle from time to time but I’m managing and having the support I have atm is something that keeps me going . I love plot a shit lot . I love to come up with ideas with others . To expand what I already have . besides , there is so much I haven’t write down yet that is about her lore but I’m a bit insecure yet . I guess I’m too used to forums where everyon follows a general plot haha ... old habits die hard .

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / 50-50

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO, I HATE DRABBLES.

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES/ NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO / .... UHHHH

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / HAHA NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES VERY MUCH A LOT / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  I haven’t got any so far --- which honestly surprises me because well ... there is so much that can bother people . as I said , I received a lot of support and praise , which also surprises me haha ... I won’t deny I would love to hear what people think , even if I later end up riding the anxiety train to the moon but it’s also a way to grow up , I believe . god ... I sound like nora Uu

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  I absolute love this and need this . It comes easier for me to make a 20 word pages of information about stuff if I’m asking specifically about it . even add explanatory drawings with it lolol since I’m kinda bad with words . besides , showing me interest on a character would just fire the heck out of me to keep going . I mean , everyone likes to get some curiosity and a chance to develop more their characters , canon or not .

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  I would for sure . I’m not smart and I actually do a shit ton of research --- but even so I can miss a lot of shit people would say <nah that’s not how it works> and that would be helpful as heckie . but of course , needing the why also would tell me if the person disagreeing is doing it with a solid ground or just because they are being a piece of crap . I’m really tired of tumblr mentality and shitty people who aren’t mature enough to act decently .

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  you cannot like everyone or have everyone like you either . I don’t really care much ... esp since nora is an original character . if it constructive critisism , okay -- I will take it , but gimme a solid reason other than “ your character is / is not ... “ and then give a crappy critique because she doesn’t fit your agenda or standards .

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  you are fucking free to unfollow me and ignore me for the rest of your life . I really don’t get the point of hating on the internet just because and keep promoting your hate just to be a pain in the ass .

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  I fucking wrote in my rules that people are even fricking free to fix my grammar and english because holy heck , even to this day I still do some ugly shit . I’m dumb , help ...

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  ehhhhhhhhhhhhh, kinda . I take everything with water . whenever it’s of ideology , people as it is , characters ... I am quite tolerant and try to keep the “okay this person thinks this way , fine .” but as long as nobody crosses the line where they try to spoil it for me or others , I get super bitter . I love OOC , getting to know the one behind the character makes me feel more secure about coming to them and just rambling about plots and hcs and whatever idea got in my mind . but if I see someone and , forgive me god for misjudging , see them as a person that will put me on my nerves -- I won’t even try . as for the friends I have and those who don’t know me as much ... I am obnoxiously sporadic and have a lot of ups and downs very often . one day I could be talking 100 words per second others I will just take a fucking week to respond . honestly , I had mined my social skills for two years plus several other irl stuff previous to that , so I’m always a bit too anxious around people , esp people I REALLY like . I’m insecure as heck , if someone is vague ( just because , idk , it was a lazy day for them ) I think at least 10 different reason why probably that person hates me now . I’m a bit dumb 26 year old baby .......... but I’m very aware that is completely on me . I’m a mess.......  so , what was the question again ??? ... I , yeah ... it’s a kinda . but I try , at least haha.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by:  @skyvar​ herself Tagging: y’all , cowgirls and cowbois . i hate tagging bc i forget urls :finger guns:

[artusarda]

Can man ever build a mind?

The idea that we might create machines more intelligent than ourselves is not new. Myths and folk stories abound with creations such as the bronze automaton Talos, who patrolled the island of Crete in Greek mythology. These stories reflect a deep, atavistic fear that there could be other minds that bear the same relationship to us as we do to the animals we eat or keep as pets. With the arrival of artificial intelligence, the idea has re-emerged with a vengeance.

We are condemned to understand new phenomena by analogy with things we already understand, just as the anatomists of old named parts of the brain after fruit and nuts — the amygdala (almonds) and the olives, to name but two. Although Hippocrates, in the fourth century BC, had firmly placed the brain at the centre of human thought and feeling, most early medical authorities had little use for it.

Aristotle thought it was a radiator for cooling the blood. The importance of the brain, for Galen 500 years later, were the fluid cavities — the ventricles — in its centre, and not the tissue of the organ itself. With the rise of scientific method in the 17th century, the brain started to be explained in terms of the latest modern technology. Descartes described the brain and nerves as a series of hydraulic mechanisms. In the 19th century the brain was explained in terms of steam engines and telephone exchanges.

And in the modern era, of course, the brain is seen as a computer. And yet, others argue, any metaphor is deficient: we have never met brains before and lack the appropriate language or concepts. The human brain, it is suggested, will never be able to understand itself. You cannot cut butter with a knife made of butter, as a neuroscience friend recently said to me.

As a neurosurgeon, I have to accept that everything I am thinking and feeling as I write this is a physical phenomenon. Throughout my career I have seen patients who have suffered personality change (almost invariably for the worse) as a result of brain damage — it is difficult to believe in any kind of “mind” separate from the brain’s matter when you see your fellow human beings changed, often grotesquely, in this way. And yet it is a deeply counter-intuitive thought. I remember one of my patients, when I was operating on his brain under local anaesthetic, looking at the computer monitor that showed the view of his brain down the operating microscopic that I was using. “This is the part of your brain which is talking to me at the moment,” I told him, pointing with my instruments to the speech area of his left cerebral hemisphere. He was silent for a while, as he looked at his own brain. “It’s crazy,” he said.

The human brain, it is often stated, is the most complex structure in the known universe. It consists of some 85bn nerve cells, each of which is connected to many thousands of other nerve cells, with some 150tn connections. You can, however, if you wish, reduce it to something that sounds quite simple. Each nerve cell is an input/output device that processes data. The input is electrical stimulation (or inhibition) by the thousands of other nerve cells whose output limbs, called axons, are connected to it via one-way connections called synapses.

The human brain, it is suggested, will never be able to understand itself. You cannot cut butter with a knife made of butter

Diagrams of brain nerve cells resemble trees in winter — the tangle of bare branches are the dendrites, where the synapses are found, and the tree trunk is the axon. The output is a train of electrical “spikes” fired down the axon, in response to the input of the nerve cells connected to it via the synapses. The axon is in turn connected to other nerve cells via the synapses on their dendrites. And so it goes, on and on, in a hugely elaborate dance. So, superficially, you might think the brain is a massive array of interconnected electrical switches. With modern, high-speed computers, which are massive arrays of interconnected electrical switches, surely it is only a matter of time before we build computers — artificial intelligences — that are smarter than we are? But how does such a simple design produce the extraordinary richness of human life and thought? And, for that matter, of animal life as well?

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Explainer: Towards conscious machines

Even our profound knowledge of physics and chemistry doesn’t begin to explain how this electro-chemical activity generates conscious experience — the feeling of pain and the redness of the colour red, or the mysterious way that these seemingly identical electro-chemical processes produce sensations such as sound and vision that feel so different. And then there is “the binding problem”: how does all this disparate neuronal activity, spread out in both space and time, produce coherent experience? With vision, for instance, we know that there are separate “centres” for colour and movement and other features such as vertical or horizontal lines; somehow, these bind and resonate together to produce a single image without, as one might naively expect, reporting in to some final integrating centre, synonymous with our sense of self.

The fact that the brain is a physical system must mean, of course, that it is subject to the laws of physics and is therefore computable. As the physicist David Deutsch has argued in his book The Beginning of Infinity, following on from Alan Turing’s groundbreaking paper “On Computable Numbers”, published in 1936, computers are not just another metaphor for the brain like steam engines or telephone exchanges. Computers are “universal simulators” and can, at least in theory, simulate all the information-processing that a human brain carries out, although it might take an almost infinitely long time. This is not to say that the brain is like a computer — a common misconception of Turing’s position.

The fact that the brain must be subject to the laws of physics poses problems for the philosophers, who continue to ponder determinism and free will. Some, such as Daniel Dennett, end up claiming that consciousness and free will are illusions, a position that I, for one, find rather hard to apply to my day-to-day life, especially as I struggle to get out of bed on a cold winter morning. The more interesting questions are the practical ones — how close are computers to matching the human brain? How close are we to understanding how our brains work? And can AI help us understand our brains and vice versa?

The complexity of the brain resides in the way in which the nerve cells are connected. Nerve cells are not, in fact, simple electrical switches. They are formed by organic molecules and not of the silicon and metal of computers. The connection at synapses is carried out by chemicals — neurotransmitters, of which there are upwards of a hundred different types. Neuronal networks are dynamic — they are constantly changing. They weaken or strengthen in accordance with how much traffic is passing through them. The brain is — to a certain extent — plastic. It can re-programme itself. In blind-folded people, for instance, cortical areas that normally process vision will start processing sound within 48 hours. The brain is topologically complex — it may consist of billions of similar brain cells and their connecting axons — but they are arranged in physically very distinct and precise groups and networks. Furthermore, neurons come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes, even though they all share the same basic plan of dendrites, cell body and axon.

Brains do not come as isolated entities as do computers. They come with bodies, to which they are intimately connected. The bodies are their interface with the world, through which they learn to move, and, some would argue, there cannot be thinking without embodiment. The most plausible explanation for the evolution of brains is that they are prediction devices. To move effectively to find food, shelter and sex, we navigate using a model of the outside world created within our brains. Think of how confusing it is when you go down a staircase and there is one more or one less step than you unconsciously expected, or of the strange feeling as you reach the top of an escalator and the steps shrink. Perception is in large part expectation. Recent research is starting to reveal just how complicated the brain-body relationship can be — intestinal bacteria, for instance, seem to have a significant association with Parkinson’s disease and autism — well, at least in mice. Human brains also come as part of social groups. We are, after all, utterly social creatures.

The philosopher David Hume wrote that “reason is, and ought only to be, the slave of the passions”. Human intelligence is inextricably linked with emotions — the pleasure mathematicians find in an elegant proof, the curiosity that drives a young child to learn by exploring the world, the fear that helps us judge risk. The disembodied, isolated and emotionless “intelligence” of a computer is far removed from all this. This is not to say that true artificial intelligence — leaving aside the serious difficulty of defining the word “intelligence” in the first place — is impossible. It’s just that creating it might be rather difficult.

There are significant practical limitations on the extent to which we can experiment and explore our own brains. The resolution of the best MRI brain scanners, for instance, is about one cubic millimetre, and one cubic millimetre of cerebral cortex can contain up to 100,000 neurons and a billion synapses. The temporal resolution is a little less than one second, and much cerebral activity is measured in milliseconds, so what we see with MRI scans are, in effect, blurred snapshots. Although higher resolutions are possible, they involve immensely strong magnetic fields with which there are many problems. Electrodes inserted into the brain can sometimes be used when operating on patients as part of their treatment work-up, and this can allow very limited experimentation, as can computer-brain interfaces implanted into paralysed patients who can then control, after much practice, robotic arms. But this is, so to speak, only scratching at the surface. We often have to use animals instead, and they can never tell us what they are thinking.

Brains do not come as isolated entities as do computers. They come with bodies, to which they are intimately connected

One of the many major research projects into the human brain is the US-led Human Connectome Project, a multi-faculty collaboration that aims to produce a complete 3D wiring diagram of the brain. This has recently been achieved, but only at intermediate resolution — not down to the level of individual cells and axons — for the mouse brain. It will take decades, not years, to produce the complete connectome of the human brain. One complete connectome has been established — that for the tapeworm C. elegans, which has some 307 neurons and 7,000 synapses. But even this took many years to unravel, and a connectome is only the beginning of trying to understand how a nervous system functions, just as looking at a map of a city is only the beginning of understanding a city. A connectome is necessary but not sufficient. Even when the human connectome has been created, ethical considerations may well limit the extent to which the connectome of dead brains can be related to the thoughts and feelings of living ones.

AI came into existence in the 1950s when the first digital computers were being built. At a famous — some would say infamous — conference at Dartmouth College in 1956, the early AI pioneers, such as Marvin Minsky, confidently asserted that machines would outstrip human intelligence within a few decades. But AI progressed unsteadily over the next four decades, with several “AI winters”, when funding dried up as a result of the signal failure of the field to deliver its promised results.

The breakthrough in AI in recent years has resulted from the miniaturisation of computer chips. Computers have become more and more powerful, permitting massive and rapid data processing. It has also been made possible by abandoning attempts to programme computers with symbolic logic, which the early AI pioneers thought held the key to imitating human intelligence. The remarkable progress in AI in recent years is largely based on “neural networks” and machine learning, ideas developed decades ago but only recently put into practice. Neural networks only resemble brain networks in a very loose way. They consist of layered assemblies whose output can feed back and modify their input in accordance with a pre-programmed target, so that they “learn”. They are engines of statistical association and classification. They neither explain nor do they understand. They have no internal model or theory of what is being analysed.

The literature, however, abounds in anthropomorphisms — AI programmes are said to “see” and “think”. Google’s DeepMind programme AlphaGo“vanquished” champion Go player Lee Se-dol. This is all nonsense. It is easy to get carried away. The predictive texting on your smartphone prompts you simply by calculating the probability of the next word from mindless analysis of previous text. Google Translate has trawled the entire contents of the internet without understanding a single word.

This statistical approach to AI has nevertheless yielded remarkable results. And yet all current machine intelligences can only perform one task. This form of intelligence is reminiscent of the patients described in some of Oliver Sacks’ writings — people who can carry out remarkable feats of calculation but are utterly helpless in normal society. And yet, despite the profound differences between the deep learning of AIs and organic brains, some recent research by the American neuroscientist Doris Tsao on facial recognition in monkeysshows that the facial recognition area in their brains uses algorithms very similar indeed to the ones used by AIs.

The Holy Grail for AI is “general intelligence” — a computer programme that could not only play games with simple rules but also perform other tasks, such as speech and face recognition, without being re-programmed. On present evidence it looks unlikely that neuronal networks and deep learning will ever be able to do this. Google recently created an AI that could recognise cats in photographs without even training the AI initially with pictures of cats. But this required the AI to be exposed to millions of pictures (it did not “look” at them), whereas a child probably only has to meet a few cats to be able to identify reliably all cats in future.

The energy consumption of a human brain is 20-30 watts — a dim lightbulb. An exascale computer, capable of a quintillion calculations per second, scaled up to the size of a human brain, would consume hundreds of megawatts. Computer engineers talk of the “von Neumann bottleneck”, a problem with classical computer design in which memory is stored separately from the Central Processing Unit, and one of the reasons why computers use so much energy.

Just as “neural networks” were inspired by biological brains, there is now great interest in “neuromorphic chips”, where computer chips are designed to physically resemble nerve cells rather than merely mimic them in the software program. This should, in principle, make computers much less energy-intensive. The Human Brain Project (HBP), a multi-centre European research effort, funded by the EU to the tune of billions of euros, started with the grand ambition to build a brain — initially of a mouse, then of a human — from the bottom upwards, using computers. By creating a brain out of computer chips, the hope is that we might understand our own brains better. This is a somewhat optimistic inversion of Richard Feynman’s famous remark: “What I cannot create, I do not understand.” Whether the HBP will achieve this or not is highly controversial, given that our current understanding of how brains work is so limited.

Filled with a fervour reminiscent of the Second Coming and the Rapture, people talk of the Singularity, a time when AI will equal human intelligence

One part of the HBP, using neuromorphic design, is Professor Stephen Furber’s experimental and newly launched SpiNNaker computer at Manchester University. It is designed to be both energy-efficient and to run models of brain function, among other things. It is too early to know, he tells me, whether it will lead to major breakthroughs or not, and this unpredictability is, of course, the very essence of science.

There are many other approaches. Simon Stringer and his team at the Oxford Laboratory for Theoretical Neuroscience and Artificial Intelligence have recently published a paper arguing that better theoretical models of neuronal transmission, in particular trying to account for the binding problem, hold more promise of progress. The timing of the firing of nerve cells, and the delays that occur in the time it takes the nerve impulse to travel along axons, could, they argue, be of critical importance in explaining the binding problem. There can be no doubt that much more fundamental research of this kind is required.

I find it strange that some people are so certain that the arrival of “superintelligent” machines is only a matter of time. Filled with a fervour reminiscent of the Second Coming and the Rapture, they talk of the Singularity, a time when AI will equal human intelligence. This belief — which is all it is — often comes with the hope that the human brain and all its contents can be re-written as computer code and that we will find the life everlasting as software programs. These ideas are not to be taken seriously, although they certainly sell books.

The future is always uncertain, and the future of AI and neuroscience is uncertain. Given the vast amount of current research in both fields, it is inevitable that tremendous progress will be made. Machine-learning AIs in their present form are already having a profound economic and social impact and will continue to do so. There is no risk, however, in the foreseeable future, of superintelligent AIs replacing us, or treating us as we have so often treated, and continue to treat, animals. Whether the effects of AI will be beneficial or malign will depend on the uses to which we ourselves put them. As to the possibility of machines acquiring general intelligence — “true AI” as some call it — it’s anybody’s guess. All that is certain is that even if it is possible, it is still a very long way away.