#it's just all connected to your emotions and perceptions; languages can be a very personal business!! <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[astrologylunadream]

Your Person's POV of You 👀🌸🎀 (Pick a card/Tarot love reading)

Hii it's Lunadream🩷 This will be a reading on the desired person's perspective of you, and what you are like in their eyes~ hope you find your message🌸☆♡

Notice: Only take what resonates because the most important thing is your own judgement!♡ If anything doesn't resonate, don't worry! It's not your message right now <3 (Entertainment purpose only. All rights reserved)

Now, shall we begin~? ^w^ Think of the your person, and pick whichever pile that fits the energy you're feeling~🌸♡‧₊˚

Pile 1🖤

Pile 2🌸

Pile 3🍨

Pile 4🩰

Take your time and choose carefully with the heart~♡

On to the readings —> ‧₊˚🌸♡🎀‧₊˚

Pile 1🖤

Sign energy: Escape, Number, November, Skill, Feel, 5th house, Scorpio, Juno, 3rd house, Taurus, Vertex,🐾🩻🖇🤯

🩷Your person's energy: Heyy pile 1 your person is really cool omg, they have a lot of interesting abilities💫 specific message is that november 3rd may be significant, scorpio is present here and that is during scorpio season so take what resonates.💕 This person's voice gives you a special feeling, I feel like their voice leaves a big impression on you, could be the way they think or speak.💬 Signs in their chart could be Leo, Scorpio, Gemini, and Taurus. They are very perceptive and observant, they have a sharp mind I'm hearing🔪🧠 Random but they may have a fear of getting older?😂 Nothing gets past this person omg it's like they are able to read mind oml!! Physical touch may be their love language, they are very material. For some this person has your phone number or tries to get it, they may be a little obsessive when they're in the dark about things.🔦😬 This may have been a short term relationship for some of my pile 1's, and maybe you so called "escaped" this connection but they refuse to let you go that easily.🖇🖤 This person could be keeping tabs on you, and they get jealous and spiteful very easily.👿 You guys may have a telepathic connection with them, it feels like a locked force in a way. This person is very analytical, appearance wise their bones are prominent, boney hands for someone? Their nails are significant.💅🧤 I'm seeing deep gaze too. They can see through anyone, some of my pile 1's want to marry this person and or attracted to them🩷

🎀Their POV of you: 12th house, Health, Guidance, Comfort zone, Read, Gemini, 4th house, Eros, Aquarius, 10th house,🤤🙈🙎‍♂️🔭 Okay so their perspective of you is kinda emotional ngl🥺 Like there is a lot going on with you to them, you may be absent from this person's life right now or at a distant, something about you is definitely distant from this person.💔 For those of you who this is an ex I can definitely see they feel so left out.😭 Like they feel as if they're just behind the scenes watching you drift away from them, also some of you may leave this person on read often.🔇✋️ They only feel at ease when they know what you're up to, for some of my pile 1's this person is viewing your social media and that is their only source of comfort right now😢📲🔭 They see you as someone very intelligent and fun, they're really into your mind🧠🤒 Some of my pile 1 are into health and self care and they blush over that, they just find your niches so inspiring and attractive😂 They are definitely sad about the thought of you moving on without them, they hyperfocus on you my pile 1's OML🤯🔍 They think of you often blushing over you like🥴💭 You seem like you really know what you're doing and they love that, you also turn them on too especially by helping them with things😳🩷 You come off succesful and divinely blessed and favored in their eyes, you make them feel like a ghost👻 You are a comforting and sweet person to them, they just want to hold on to you and never let go🥺🖤 For some this person stalks your social media or asks about you a lot, they are heavily involved spiritually with you.

💌Messages from your person: I wish I cared about you, I won't let you be with anyone else, I'm not okay, I wanna make you blush, Who cares what people think of us, You can't control yourself, all the time, I was wrong (Yeah they really don't want to see you with someone else, also they have regrets weighing on them about how they acted in the past🥺🩷💖) Extra cards: Remedy, Collarbone, Chains, Self love, Couple, 4th house, 11th house, Water, Chiron, Sagittarius (Pile 1 they really wanna mend this relationship with you omg😭 Also they're working on treating themselves better so they can treat you better, they want to take care of you💗)

Thank you my pile 1's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message! ‧₊˚🌸‧₊˚♡

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 1 with the black heart emoji~🖤 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading! 🩷‧₊♡˚‧

Pile 2🌸

Sign energy: Touch, Social media, Be yourself, Discover, Cardinal, 3rd house, Libra, 11th house, Aries, Jupiter,🚀🎧🤹‍♀️��

🩷Your person's energy: Haha okay your person is a lot like you I'm getting mirrored energy OMG and the image for pile 2 is staring into the little mirror that makes so much sense!!😆💫 So this person has cardinal placements, especially Aries ia significant and that is a cardinal sign. Gemini, Libra, Aquarius, and Sagittarius/Pisces lucky jupiter placements.🤞✨️ I feel like they just stumble through life and it turns out alright everytime time??😂😂🩷 They're a ray of sunshine omg, they could have many friends online and explore social media, I'm getting social butterfly vibes from your person~🦋🌸 So cute omg they enjoy listening to music and following their artists. They probably have some really good playlists tbh😉💖 They have a lot of different interests, into many things. Your person is probably has 163 tabs open on google LOL, they love exploring the internet that's what I'm getting. They're a phsyical kind of person too so they may enjoy working out or doing fun and/or crazy things, this person is energetic and bright🌟 I love their energy it's so sweet!! I'm getting Phineas and ferb vibes like they just wanna do everything like if it were up to them they would build an amusement park LMAO they're just so funloving and sporadic, it is never a dull moment with them.☺️💝 You may have met them through social media, they could be an influencer for some of my pile 2's. Their brain works like lightning and they can multi-task a lot. They may be loud sometimes when they're having fun, their touch is like a spark💫

🎀Their POV of you: Aura, Jewelry, Work, Warm, Attraction, Vertex, 12th house, 2nd house, Taurus, Mercury, 🟫🫠🩷😬 Ah so first of all, your voice is so appealing to this person omg they are REALLY attracted to the sound of your voice🗣 Also they are attracted by your neck area, if you wear any jewelry especially necklace they will be head over heels omg🥺❤️‍🔥 There is such a sweet energy to your relationship with them, they see you as a very venusian person.😊🌸💐 You may have prominent venus aspects in your chart, also your mindset is very sweet to them.💭 You radiate a warm delightful energy that they can't get enough of, you may look good in brown to them or if you have brown hair or eyes😳🤎 You just look expensive to this person, they just wish they could buy you if you were for sale LMAO😂 Your voice has a calming effect on them, it literally just melts them omg they sort of fantasize about your neck and tone of voice.🎼 For some of my pile 2's who are working, they see you as very charming in your work environment, also someone who is luxurious in nature.💸💼 They view you as someone very laid back, to them you appear sweet and calm. They would like seeing you wearing pearls, and warm colors look best to them on you.🩷 They see you as the type to spend a lot of money on yourself and nice things💅🛍👑 You come off as a queen/king energy to them, and you make them nervous a little. There is a lot of romantic feelings for my pile 2's it's so sweet, I can just picture you two not taking your hands off eachother if you ever get the chance to.🥺🩷

💌Messages from your person: I know I'm good, You act like you own me, Whatever makes you happy, It's hard to stay positive, Be careful, You look a little down, I've been waiting for you, I met you before (Ohh pile 2 they want you to be happy and satisfied with everything✨️🏆) Extra cards: Bedroom, Confirm, Deserve, 7th house, Present, Scorpio, Vertex, Leo, Pluto, Neptune (Some 🔞 coming through, let's just say they want to spoil you rotten like you deserve them😳♨️ head over to one of my darker pacs if you're interested in that)

Thank you my pile 2's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message! ‧₊˚🌸‧₊˚♡

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 2 with the cherry blossom emoji~🌸 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading! 🖤‧₊♡˚‧

Pile 3🍨

Sign energy: Rose, Danger, Dessert, Respect, Therapy, Mercury, 8th house, Cancer, Earth, Libra,♑️🌻🫱👀

🩷Your person's energy: Oh my pile 3's person is very soft, there is a lot going on here I'm getting family situations from your person. They could be very close to their mother figure/guardian, but they may not have the best relationship with their father/masculine figure.😟 Signs in their chart can be Gemini, Virgo, Scorpio, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn, also earth signs. Flowers may be significant, maybe spring.🌸💐 They could have issues with abandonment in their younger years, this person is very delicate by nature.💞 They have high respect for feminines and their mother figure, they dislike seeing those kinds of people being taken advantage of or threatened.🥺 Oh my god pile 3 your person is so sweet, they may like plants or can take care of them well. They have a lot of nurturing qualities, very caring and understanding😇🫂 They could have a problem with overconsuming sugar or sweets, maybe they have a bit of a sweet tooth.🍰🍨🍭 Omg it's funny because this pile is represented by the sundae emoji I almost forgot!! They are very loving and have a soft feminine aura about them (regardless of gender), they speak so pretty and nice, their words are so charming😭✨️ they can be very protective when threatened, also could have boney hands or delicate fingers.🤚 You could stare at their hands a lot. Some of my pile 3's are a little obsessed with this person, you want to touch them😂 maybe in places you shouldn't?😳 Anyways?? Your person is like a rose, delicate and sweet aura.🌹🥰 Their eyes are attractive, very sensitive vibe to your person!!

🎀Their POV of you: Masculine, Doctor, Jawbone, Number, Leader, 12th house, Air, Lilith, 1st house, Juno,😁🤑🌏💎 Lol so they see you as very ambitious and unstoppable🏆✨️💗 You give off aries vibes to this person, they think you are number one.🥇 You heal them in some way, most likely spiritually. You are like free therapy to them, and they have gone through a lot so they really need it🥺🩷 You appear very bold and capable to them, they see you as a natural leader.👑 Also marriage material!!💍 You make them smile, also you are very hot to this person so don't be surprised if they fantasize about you😂🫣💋 Your jawbone grabs their attention, they find it really hot. You may have a prominent jawline, or your bone structures catch their eye.👀 Your physical appearance is very much ideal to them, like they struck gold the second they lay eyes on you.😂✨️ You have a fearless energy in their eyes, they think you're really cool.🥰 You may get hurt often? They want to take care of you and treat your wounds.🩹💕 You come of very assertive and fiery to them, their perspective and how they see you is really really hot lmao.❤️‍🔥 You are a "catch" to them, they view you as something dangerously attractive, your presence makes them fall to their knees😂😂😂 They love your magnetic aura, you give off the hot villain vibes to your person oml they are so down for that too💋 Siren vibes, to them you're like a forbidden fruit pile 3!! Lol they can't resist.

💌Messages from your person: I don't know who I am, It's so hard to resist you, You've been hurt so much, No one makes me feel this way, I don't want anyone else, Put your hand on mine, Be honest, We both know the truth (Oooh pile 3 they even said it they CANT resist you just like mentioned before!!😍🩷) Extra cards: Release, Ordinary, Compliment, Amusement, Safe, Earth, Moon, Juno, Taurus, Fire (They want to release their excitement for you pile 3, also just wanna make you feel safe and cared for🥺)

Thank you my pile 3's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message! ‧₊˚🌸‧₊˚♡

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 3 with the sundae emoji~🍨 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading! 🖤‧₊♡˚‧

Pile 4🩰

Sign energy: Balence, Earth, Confrontation, Moon, Follower, Mars, Neptune, South node, Taurus, Capricorn,🧋🩸😍🚫

🩷Your person's energy: So there is some tension going on within this pile, this person has had conflict in the past, I'm getting emotional hurt with this person.😢 They have a masculine energy to them (regardless of gender) and they could have very solid earthy features, Capricorn mars could be significant.✨️ Signs in their chart are Aries, Scorpio, Pisces, Taurus and Capricorn. I feel like they are less expressive and a little closed off, like they have a guard up for some reason✋️🌧 But deep down they are quite emotional, especially in the past. They may have shoved their emotions away to appear tough👿⚔️ They could drink tea often, I feel like they have had a lot on their shoulders at one point🥺💔 when provoked they can become very cold, not afraid to step on anyone who tries to hurt them.👞 I am getting very strong capricorn energy for this pile's person, they give off capricorn aura on the outside. They could be against love right now, they're in a no romance kind of energy.🩷❌️ I'm hearing balence like credit card balence so they could have a lot of money.💳💲😎 They may have many followers or collaborators, for some of you this person is an influencer/business person.💼✨️ Could have a lot of admirers/problems with gold diggers for some of my pile 4's. You may fantasize about them a lot, but also you may really feel like they aren't interested in you at all✋️🚫😒 Their demeanor is very stand offish, but they are really sweet on the inside they just keep that part of them locked away for their own safety.🥺 Prominent earth energy you know how it be sometimes they feel distant af😭

🎀Their POV of you: Girlie, Outfit, Practical, True feelings, Air, Juno, Mercury, Water, 9th house, Eros,🧡🦁🥱✌️ Ah I can't say I didn't see this one coming, my lovely pile 4's your person has feelings for you they just don't want to let it out😂 They see you as an ideal type for them, they're honestly attracted to you.💋 But they don't wanna admit this, you really turn them on tbh😏 You have a bright loving aura they can't seem to look away from, the spark in your eyes just makes them fall honestly. You give off funloving explorer vibes to this person, they see you as someone Intelligent and curious.💡💫 In their eyes, you have this cute little smile that looks like it'll stir up some crazy fun. •^• reminds me of that face!!🥰 They see you as something chaotic, yet irresistibly charming.✨️ You may talk boldly or self assertively, however it is you talk, it seems to draw attention to yourself. They may get frustrated by your charms, also the way you dress steals their attention completely.😍❤️‍🔥💓 For some of my pile 4's they may call you girlie or refer to you like that (regardless of gender). They try to be realistic and practical about their feelings for you, which is why they seem closed off and hesitant to show affection🥺🩷 They could be telling themselves not to fall for you, because they don't want to feed into their desires. You definitely shine in their eyes, and have a lot of attraction for you guys👏🙌 You give off a bubbly vibe to your person, they're honestly concerned by how madly in love they could fall for my pile 4's lmao🩷 I'm seeing true feelings coming to the surface from your person, it's like one of those novels where they pretend they're not falling for them but they actually are loll that's your person! From their perspective they are trying to resist love but you make it so hard lol😂

💌Messages from your person: Surprise me, You might get scared, I knew it, Say my name, I do, It's no surprise, I have fantasies about you, No one knows (Yep saw it coming my pile 4's they have a lot of feelings for you🥺💓 Also it sounds like they're telling you to say your marriage vows for them lmaooo like SAY IT😤💍🩷) Extra cards: Subconscious, Recognition, Accident, Back off, Cover, Cancer, 1st house, 2nd house, 4th house, 8th house (Every time this person realizes how they feel about you, they act all cold. Like the second they start thinking you're hot they freak out and deny it😂😭 Some intense attraction for my pile 4's they don't wanna admit it!!)

Thank you my pile 4's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message! ‧₊˚🌸‧₊˚♡

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 4 with the ballet slipper emoji~🩰 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading! 🖤‧₊♡˚‧

Wanna see more readings like this? Check out my tumblr for accurate readings for you!💗🌊🌸

Thanks for reading! \(*^w^)/💌 -Lunadream <3

[daytaker]

Can you do how the brothers would react to a mc who bottles/masks their emotions? im autistic and tend to do this slot due to my autism. sorry for any english mistake i made, it's not my first language

Hi Anon! I'll do my best! 🫡

Demon Brothers React to MC who masks their emotions!

(Some specific attention to masking autism appears at points, but I tried to focus on general emotional masking.)

Each brother will catch on to what's happening with you at their own pace. I'll list them in the order I think they'd either catch on or effectively behave as if they have caught on (in Beel's case).

Beelzebub

Beel might not be the first to actively understand, "Oh, this person is masking their emotions," but he will never act as if there's something wrong with how you behave. He's very chill and often quite stoic himself, so he doesn't see this as a sign that you're arrogant or boring or otherwise "lacking" in some way. That's just the way you are.

Because he sees this as "just the way you are," he doesn't make any special provisions for how to treat you. When you're not emoting, you're not emoting. On the rare cases where you're visibly upset, you're upset. Beel is a good, dependable demon to have around at times like this, because he's quiet and nonjudgmental. He's willing to hug you, or not, depending on what you want. You can talk to him, or you can just sit with him and not say anything. Basically, Beel is a blessing and probably the person you're able to feel connected with the soonest.

Lucifer

Lucifer, being very perceptive, will probably have an inkling from the start that there's more going on behind the scenes than you like to show, but it will take some sort of incident for it to hit home. Maybe something shocking happens and you seem to dissociate rather than "act shocked", for example. Or you explode into a sudden rage after smothering your feelings for too long. Eventually, the mask always slips, and Lucifer will catch onto this quite quickly.

When he feels he understands the basic situation, he'll be protective of you, but in a standoffish sort of way. He'll recognize your need for alone time and put forth extra effort to keep his brothers from pestering you when you seem especially worn out. He's also the sort who might put into place or recognize some sort of nonverbal way of communicating your needs. Texting emojis, for example, or whether you leave your door ajar or closed. He doesn't tend to come out and specifically ask you what's wrong, though. He's more cautious in his approach.

Asmodeus

Asmo is most likely to recognize it after spending time together and watching your social battery drain and then die completely. If you're the sort of person whose self-control erodes when you become socially exhausted, you'll probably make it clear at this point that you have stores of intense emotions that you keep hidden.

After this, he'll be surprisingly attentive to your needs. He tries to preempt any potential explosions of emotion by taking you to get massages or buying you lotions and tonics meant to soothe you.

He'll also be protective of you, getting between you and his brothers if he thinks they're going to bother or overwhelm you. And if any of his brothers seem like they don't understand why you act the way you do, he'll come to your defense.

Satan

Satan has plenty of experience learning to suppress his emotions, so it's not much of a surprise to him that this is what you're doing. The reason he doesn't figure it out sooner is probably because he's less interested in spending time with you at the beginning than some of the others. As you start to interact more often, though, he'll recognize the masking behaviors.

Satan hates to be questioned about his feelings, so he won't do that with you at all. Instead, he'll just recommend you a few books and show you the best local places to pet cats. Sure, those happen to be his best coping strategies for dealing with big feelings, but what works for him might work for you too. After that, he feels a sort of unspoken camaraderie with you, and you become someone he likes to sit with quietly while you each do your own thing.

Mammon

Now we're getting to the brothers who struggle to understand the situation. Mammon feels put out when he doesn't get the reactions he wants to his statements and behaviors. He's a theatrical guy, and even if the response he gets isn't positive, he still wants to get something. He's not quite sure how to react when he doesn't get anything. This will make him a little insecure with you, which he might in turn mask as frustration. He'll probably be confused the first time he sees a major slip, and he might need one of his brothers to nudge him in the right direction to understand what's going on.

After he gets it, he'll be much more considerate of you. He won't get frustrated with you for your lack of visible emotions, and he might seek out other ways to express (and receive) affection, because that's something he really craves from any relationship. He still wishes you'd react more to his shenanigans, but he might get up the nerve to just ask you directly what you think about things instead of hoping for some sort of reaction that will tell him what he wants to know.

Leviathan

Levi is an interesting case. There are a lot of headcanons about Levi being autistic, and I'm not here to argue for or against that. But in the case that you are an autistic person who masks, he might not recognize what you're dealing with as remotely similar to him, because whether he's on the spectrum or not, he barely masks at all. He's extremely emotive, very open about his special interests, and generally wears his emotions on his sleeve. He'll perceive masking as coldness, or maybe even haughtiness, and he might resent you for it unfairly. At any rate, he'll probably feel uncomfortable with you until either you slip so badly that he has no choice but to start to realize what's happening or, like with Mammon, someone explains it to him.

As I see it, your relationship with Levi could progress in two different ways.

The first is "rather slowly." Even if he understands that you're masking your emotions, he still doesn't quite know how to deal with such a lack of enthusiasm, and he often worries that you're bored. He's an overthinker, and he can never quite convince himself that you don't actually think he's an insufferable loser, because if you mask your emotions, how does he know that the emotion you're masking isn't disgust?

The second is "the good listener." Sometimes, Levi just wants a sounding board to jabber at about his special interests. If you don't feel bothered by that, he'd probably love to talk and talk and talk...and talk and talk...and talk... and talk and talk about whatever games, manga, idol groups, or anime he's into at the moment. If you're interested in those things too, you could really bond over this, especially if you text him your own thoughts and ideas about these subjects. Reassurance that he isn't actually boring you to death is always a good thing for him.

Belphegor

Belphie, more than any of his brothers, isn't too interested in working through difficult relationships to get to understand the other person. If we treat this scenario as one where Belphie isn't just trapped in the attic from the start and instead has time to interact with you the same way as his brothers, he'll probably find you fairly cold and unreliable. He also seems, to me, less interested in adjusting his treatment towards you once he is made aware of your situation. I'm not a Belphie hater! I want to put that out there now. I'm fairly Belphie-neutral. But he does strike me as the most traditionally selfish brother, and being extra conscientious of you and your feelings doesn't seem like it would be his top priority.

At the same time, he's used to Beel, who isn't an overly emotional person either, so it might not bother him much. He just isn't probably the best person to go to when you need emotional support. But he'd be a decent friend when you're both in a good mood. Out of all of the brothers, he's probably the one who would be least compatible with you in any kind of romantic relationship.

[antigonick]

just stumbled into one of your snippets and i'm OBSESSED with your writing style. it is so fluid and punchy and such a delight to read. if you ever feel like answering, how does your writing process works? what are your inspirations, style and tone-wise? and what themes do you enjoy exploring the most?

have a lovely day! 💌

Oh, that's... WELL. That's! The best compliment you could have sent me, thank you so much, I don't know what to say.. I'm actually trying to write a... I'm gonna call it a novel when it's just a mess of fragments right now, but—yeah. Fluid and punchy is exactly what I strive to achieve with the character's voice so this is so nice to hear. WHATEVER. THANK YOU.

Anyway! My writing process is really... steeped in rhythm, I guess? It starts with character writing, which leads me to character voice, which leads me to finding the right "mind" tempo, and from it cascades the headspace I need to write. In that, in the idea of perspective and voice influencing the story first, I'm indebted to Faulkner, to Marlon James, to Woolf's The Waves, to Shirley Jackson—to the perspectivism twists of horror and gothic writing as a general rule. Rereading her, I think Emily Brontë has shaped my metaphorical network very early on, and my handling of violence, especially in dialogue—though more recently, Tamsyn Muir made me tick about dialogue too. Malin Rydén is one of my utmost inspirations, not a little because the main character of my story was first created for his story, but also because he was my gateway into harder, grittier speculative fiction and digital literature, which both inspire me now for the story I'm trying to shape—horror out of the gothic castle and into the terrible anticipation of what comes next, with more politics, with ghosts and body horror twisted to technology. In terms of pure form, I'm extremely impacted by poetry—E. E. Cummings, Alice Oswald, Emily Dickinson—those who deconstruct syntax to wrangle it into breath. He didn't influence me because I discovered him too late, but I feel a kinship to some of the early stylistic experimentations of Frank Bidart too. Hanif Abdurraqib, whose first name I gave to one of my main characters too because his voice is incredible: it moves. Charles Olson's Projective Verse gestures at what I feel when I write, you know? "ONE PERCEPTION MUST IMMEDIATELY AND DIRECTLY LEAD TO A FURTHER PERCEPTION (…). Always one perception must must must MOVE, INSTANTER, ON ANOTHER! (…)" and then "Breath allows all the speech-force of language back in." Even silence can be your story-weapon.

I'm interested in... blowing apart labels, dichotomies, I think, making them harder to grapple with—right and wrong, love and hate, personal and universal; transgressions, fluidity; how language fails, how language betrays; the way human connection can both fuck you and raise you up, in its constant failure and constant trying, in the violence of intimacy, in the tension between hardness and vulnerability—more than anything, I'm interested in the way individual desires clash with collective needs or personal ideals, in the lies and justifications you can find for yourself, in what it means for you when you come to dismantle them (or refuse to). I love palimpsest, stories retold again and again, and/or I love difficult, ugly settings, speculative and dystopia topics, I want the story to be political in itself, even when it's not politicking; and I LOVE mindfucks: using our terribly faulty, terribly subjective perception / perspective / memory / dreams / FEARS / intellect to tell a story that is both fascinating because it's unique, and trapped by it. Can't escape yourself. What are you gonna do with yourself (against yourself, for yourself) now?

Formally, I try to use that in writing: trapping the reader in one voice that swallows them really, ideally that jostles them a little, that blurs the boundary between them and the character: extreme immersion. I like to try and convey emotion / impression and even action as it is experienced, rather than explaining it clearly. In that phenomenology has influenced me, I guess? Deleuze, Guattari, Merleau-Ponty, and poetry again, I guess. Archibald McLeish says "a poem should not mean / but be...", and that's what I try to do with the character I choose, and then I let them be, and they drive both the story and the writing that should echo it—form and content cycling each other like mirrors.

Goddamnit, that got so long. Anyway. THANK YOU for being interested, I'm really touched.

[lostmyremembrall]

Ohmygosh happy birthday!! Hope you have a good one and celebrate with your loved ones today :))

Could i request for 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐧𝐚𝐤𝐞? — 🐍 Go on a date with Tom, Ominis, or Sebastian! Send in anything you're comfortable sharing about yourself (such as your love language, 16 personalities), and I'll write a mini HC date, specifically curated for you.

I'm a hufflepuff (she/her), and my love language is physical touch and words of affirmation. I love doing arts and crafts, and I love cats (sorry tom). I'm also an ENFP.

Anyways, happy birthday again!! Have a very blessed one, and I wish you a good day ahead <33

🐍 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐇𝐂: 𝐓𝐨𝐦

Touch-Starved! Tom x Reader

A/N: Thank you so much for the birthday wish!! And I indeed had a great one (had some dim sum). We're very similar in nature it's comical. Also an ENFP, love cats and arts&crafts (embroidery, wood carving, etc). Even the love languages! I have a feeling we'd get along perfectly if we knew each other haha. Anyway, thank you for participating and I hope you'll enjoy it!

You're the embodiment of "Every Dark Lord needs an emotional support Hufflepuff"

He seriously needed an open-minded person like you, who would be willing to just be there for him.

Tom finds your enthusiasm infectious, often reluctantly breaking into a smirk at seeing you smile.

You're brilliant at making connections, gaining a deep understanding of yourself and others.

-----

Your love blossomed in the Room of Requirement.

On his patrol, Tom needed a place to hide, the panic getting to him as dark thoughts overwhelmed him.

He was desperate, and heaved a sigh of relief as the familiar door appeared on the wall.

He froze, when he opened the door, however.

It was you, in your own atelier, with all the tools prepared for any arts and crafts you might be interested in.

You froze as well, not having expected a guest.

Tom glanced around the arts&craft tools.

How on earth were these supposed to help him?

But, being the perceptive and good-natured Hufflepuff that you are, you noticed his dishevelled state.

You asked him if he was doing alright.

Tom couldn't speak. His teary eyes only staring at you and his jaw clenched.

Without a word, he took slow steps towards you.

And buried his face into your shoulder.

Your eyes widened at the tall man that had to crane his neck to reach your shoulder, his fists shaking at his sides and refusing to let a tear drop.

Slowly, you wrapped your arms around him.

Tom's shoulders relaxed significantly at the warmth that enveloped him.

He buried himself deeper into your embrace.

Realising then, that your embrace was his hiding place, shielding him from all of his dark thoughts.

-----

Tom is very possessive about having his emotional support Hufflepuff all for himself.

It took a lot of adjusting and discussions in the beginning.

Tom would practically hog all of your free hours.

And Tom is very selfish when it comes to your kindness and love.

-----

It was only when there was an apparent possibility that you might leave him, that Tom truly began to reconsider.

I can't lose her now.

Tom panicked. Where will he go to hide if she is out of his reach?

Tom grows determined to do anything if it means keeping you. Even if that may require him to change.

He begins taking an interest in you, your values, your interests, and your dislikes.

And questions what he can offer you.

-----

He is timid at first. But slowly grows accustomed to physical affection over time.

He begins with a gentle kiss on your hand.

Then your forehead.

Your cheek.

It ignited something in him when you giggled in response.

Like he was hearing an embodiment of sunshine.

He feels a grin spreading on his lips as well. And his arms swiftly take you, spinning you in the air and letting your skirt flow before embracing you.

He's like a touch-starved cat, in the sense that he grows more and more affectionate over time as he learns to trust.

Rubbing his cheeks against yours. Rubbing the tip of his nose against yours. Thumbing your cheek as he studies you with absolute adoration in his eyes.

It became easier as Tom saw how physical touch made you happy.

Wanting to see you smile, and hear that beautiful laughter in his ears, he is willing to do anything.

Words of affirmation were more challenging for him.

He grew up with the mindset that honesty is a vulnerability.

And he would never want to lie to you.

He began with statements (that wasn't even a compliment lol but he tried)

"Your shoes are navy." "You got an Outstanding for that Potion's essay." "Your hair changes colour in the sunlight."

When he couldn't bring himself to say he liked the colours of your shoes and hair, or that he was impressed by your grades.

Little by little, he braved himself.

"I like your hairstyle." "You should be proud of yourself for that charmwork."

He's still working on it.

But, you're noticing he's grown comfortable with showing unvoiced compliments

"Did you change your perfume?"

As he pulls you onto his lap at the breakfast table.

You tell him you got a new one at Hogsmeade, noticing how he buried his face into your neck.

When you tell him you need to get to class,

His grip around your waist only tightens,

"Five more minutes,"

his voice muffled against your neck tickling you.

It won't be long before he can voice what he feels - what he's always felt.

-----

At one point, Tom began calling you 'his angel'

To him, you truly are the last grip he has on this world before he descends into chaos and unhinged rage

He is extremely protective of you.

You are his escapism, so he is determined to keep any darkness away from you.

That means keeping you safe, as well as keeping you away from any discussions of dark magic as well as some of his friends.

-----

Tom will regularly fight with your cat for your attention.

"No, you had her last night!"

As Tom glares at your cat.

Your cat knows how to annoy Tom as well.

Like, jumping onto your lap minutes before you leave for a date.

Tom will sulk in the corner but patiently wait until you are done petting him.

One day, you found him having a heart-to-heart with your cat.

"Look, I adore her. And I am not leaving her as much as you hate me. So we've got to find a way to work together."

"We both care for her, yes?"

Your cat meows, as if in agreement.

Tom shows a hint of endearment towards the cat at the possibility of their conflict coming to an end.

He approaches your cat for the first time, before he jumps back at a violent hiss.

"Merlin, I get it," he grumbled before moving to his usual corner of the room.

-----

People would find you two visiting Hogsmeade, regularly sampling the newest additions to the craft store.

Tom would stand back a bit in these stores.

Happy to learn different crafts if you were to teach him,

But he's more content to see you happy.

His eyes soften every time you smile up at him excitedly.

He would hold your hand in his coat/robe pocket

And walk with the proudest smile throughout the school and the village.

After all, how did such an unfortunate orphaned boy get to be with an embodiment of sunshine?

A/N: Oof. Sorry it got so long, you two were just so cute, I kept coming up with more to write. I hope you enjoyed it, and please lmk if there are any parts you want to be changed! (Whether it be your characterisation, or how you prefer Tom to act.)

[shyanddreamy]

Curiosity killed the cat

Chishiya Shuntaro x Reader x Niragi Suguru

Summary: Chishiya was a complete mystery, but he had caught your eye. He always hid behind his apparent lack of emotion, as if he didn´t care about anything. So you wanted to show him how wrong he was.

Warnings: smut, threesome, blowjob, con non-con, vaginal and anal sex, degradation, unprotected sex, dirty talk, teasing, slight praise.

Author´s note: First of all, this is an independent post, so you can read this as a one shot. But if you want more context, you can check my other aib posts. Also English is not my first language so I apologize for any possible mistakes. I really hope you like it. Love u all <3

﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋

There were too many different people at The Beach; only connected by the desire of survive The Borderlands and have as much fun as they could till their last day there. With that death games they have been forced to play, they couldn’t know when will be their last day. Anyway, your attention has been lately on one single person. He was blonde, had cat-eyes and was pretty silence. He seemed to enjoy more when he was observing others, like if he was studying cautiously them. Niragi despised him; he always said he hated his condescending look. Niragi thought that he believed himself clever than the rest, but you couldn´t help but feel some kind of curiosity about him.

"Hello there", you said while sitting next to him in one of the seats next to the swimming pool. "Are you having fun?"

"Not really a party person"

"Maybe if you tried to have a drink or dance, it could improve"

"Yeah. Maybe someday", Chishiya answered. His sight was on you as one of the corners of his lips lifted up very slightly. When he wasn´t completely serious, that was his grimace instead. "To what do I owe the honor of your presence?"

"I was just thinking about you", you said, widening your smile. "We should talk more, you know? Like, spend more time together"

"We have been together earlier, at the executives meeting"

"You are very perceptive, don´t you, Chishyia?", you asked him. You moved a little closer to him, invading his personal space, and ran your fingers up to his hair, playing lightly with one of his bangs. "I´m sure you know what I mean"

"I´m not used to spend my time with Militants", he commented. Chishyia wasn´t bothered or concerned by your presence at all. Even if he was, he was good at hiding it. He was good at hiding his every thought or emotion. "Does Niragi agree with your interest in being here with me? I´m starting to realize that he didn´t like me too much"

"Niragi and I have so much fun together. But you know how our relationship is"

"I don’t have any clue really"

You knew Niragi since he was in his senior year in high school. And the bonds developed between you two then had grown and evolved over the years. Friends with benefits, allies, a couple with and open relationship, partners, kindred spirits or just a pair of freaks who had stuck together. You had never labelled your relationship. You didn’t need it anyways; it wasn´t necessary. You just did what you want when you want in the way you want, but always being in the same team. Sometimes you were just both against the world and you were fine with that.

Instead of giving Chishyia an answer, you stood up from de seat and stretched out your hand to him.

"C´mon, I have something in my mind"

Chishyia just looked at you with and eyebrow raised sceptically. Since he hadn´t intention of accepting it, you lower you hand to your hip and pouted.

"What do you really want?", he asked you. Perhaps his voice was quiet, but Chishyia was absolutely certain he couldn´t trust you.  

"Aww, you didn´t like taking any risk? Are you such a coward or am I too scary for you?"

"Maybe a lot of people around are afraid of you, but I am not one of them"

"So, come with me", you insisted, biting your lower lip mischievously. "You have nothing to lose"

Without waiting for his response, you turned around and went back to the dance floor just to pass between the crowd and continue your way to the resort. You already were upstairs when you took a quick glance backwards, finding proudly that Chishyia was following you. He had his hands in his jacket pockets, seemed bored and kept a few metres of distance, but still was after you. Yeah, maybe he was clever, but you were it too.

Curiosity killed the cat, but you wasn´t thinking about killing at all.

When Chishyia crossed the door of your dorm –which you had left half-open on purpose– and closed it after him, he found you looking through the window. The outside seemed more interesting to you than him.

"These people are disgustingly naïve", you commented. "Partying all day just to convince themselves that they have made the most of their lives before confront death. But the truth is that they have never lived before they came to this world"

Since you weren´t seeing him, Chishyia allowed himself to frown a bit. Your words aroused his interest, so he walked towards you. You felt him behind you, paying attention to the people out there. When you turned around, suddenly facing him, he slowly slid his gaze down to meet yours.

"However, you are different, Chishyia. You want to keep living at any cost, but at the same time you don´t give a shit about life", you mumbled. "Emotionless. Observing everything and everyone from the distance but without getting involved. Why do you live for then?"

"And you?", he asked. "You are mocking them but doing the same thing"

"I have always enjoyed my life, so I keep doing it here too. Unlike them, I´m not pretending to die after that", you answered. "I live for myself and to prove people who tried to destroy me wrong"

You rested your hands in Chishyia´s chest softly before starting to lower his jacket´s zip. He just observed your movements in silence, without doing a single thing in response.

"That´s why you brought me here?"

"I brought you here because I intend to awaken your emotions. I know they are there, inside of you, but you refuse to let them go out. I want to see the Chishyia that no one will ever see", you explained quietly; your hands caressing his chest. "And you knew these were my intentions, but you have come here willingly"

"You have been thinking on this for a while. Maybe if you see that it has no sense, you will finally stop"

"When I finish with you, you´ll be the one who doesn´t want me to stop"

You raised your hands to his shoulders, sliding his jacket down his arms until you got him naked from the waist up. You didn´t pay attention to his inexpressive grimace. If there was any emotion there, it would be boredom. You took your lips to his neck instead, dropping soft kisses along that sensitive zone for a few minutes before adding some wetness to your actions. Nothing changed on Chishyia, but you bet he couldn´t be made of stone.

Inch by inch, you traced a path of kisses down his chest, getting on your knees eventually when you were near his navel. And it that new position, you smiled widely.

"You can control your face, but not your body"

Chishyia raised one corner of his lips in a grimace of self-reliance. He still thought he was winning.

"It´s a body´s natural reaction. I can´t change human nature", he said leisurely. "You can continue if that makes you happy or you can quit. Whatever it is, I do not have any kind of interest or desire"

"It´s so? What a pity", you whinged, but your eyes were attached to the bulge in his swim trunks. "I wanted to know how cute you were while moaning"

You slipped your hands under his shorts, caressing his thighs but without coming close enough to skim his manhood. You approached your mouth to it as your touch was gentle but firm at the same time.

The fabric of his swim trunks wasn´t very thick, so when you talked again, he could feel your warm breath against his covered dick.

"And I wanted to know much more. If you were soft or you liked it rough. If you had practice or you were clumsy. If you were dominant or preferred to have someone putting you back on your place"

Chishyia crossed his arms above his chest when you looked up to find his gaze. He was beginning to feel annoyed, maybe a bit anxious too. Anyways, he refused to give up. He was the one playing with you, not the other way round.

"I think I´m going with the last one", you mumbled. "Always looking down on us. Always thinking that you are better than the rest. But when push comes to shove, you enjoy someone to take control over you"

His dick throbbed under his pants, so you bit your lower lip to restrain your proud smile. Nevertheless, the sound of the door opening at your back stopped your motions. Chishyia turned his gaze to the entrance undisturbed, only with curiosity, but you didn´t need to look back to know who the intruder was. There was only one person entering your dorm without knocking first.

"Are you kidding me?", you heard Niragi complaining. "What the fuck do you think are you doing?"

You got up from the floor at the same time that Niragi walked toward you after closing the door. Obviously, he wasn´t happy at all.

"You looked so amuse out there with that brunette. I thought you wouldn´t came here today"

"I would have killed her if I had had to endure her damn high-pitched voice for a few minutes more. She was too annoying. Wasn´t worth of my time", Niragi said. And when you turned back to him, he had a disgusted grimace. "Didn´t you have better options tonight?"

"I wanted to innovate"

Niragi moved his head to face Chishyia, who was in the same position as if he wasn´t even there.

"What have you offered her in exchange for this?"

"Y/N has come to me of his own free will", he assured to Niragi. "I suppose you are not able to satisfy her"

Niragi pushed you out of the way to confront Chishyia for his words. Since he was half-naked, he only could grab him by the neck. His deadly grimace contrasted with the tiny smile in Chishyia´s face. He enjoyed teasing Niragi, so things just got more interesting for him.

"What the hell have you said?"

"Do I really have to repeat myself?"

Niragi strengthened the grip around his throat before adding:

"I´m gonna kill you so I will never have to listen to you again"

"I didn´t imagine I would say this but see you both like this is a turn-on. And by the boner that Chishyia still have in his pants, it seems he agrees with me"

"Huh? Have you lost your damn mind, Y/N?", questioned Niragi frowned. "I said kill him, not fuck him"

"But neither Aguni nor Hatter will be pleased with his death. So maybe you can teach him a lesson by other means", you suggested evocatively while caressing Niragi´s back and approaching your lips to his ear. "Show him who is in charge here. Could you make him beg?"

With a rotten smile, Niragi stood closer to Chishyia. He knew you were challenging him, and he could never resist a challenge from you. Besides, Niragi liked more than he was willing to admit what you have said.

"Silence you with my dick and make you cry until you can never again look at me directly at the eyes", he laughed. The tip of their noses almost touching each other. "It sounds pretty fun"

"You both are sick", Chishyia simply replied.

"And you are a bit scared. So, I will be kind and let you go if you ask for it nicely"

You sighed heavily, a bit disappointed:

"He already was a coward when it was only me"

"I knew he was only façade", Niragi laughed rowdily. Instantly, Chishyia struggled in a vain attempt to break free, but the firm grip on his neck along with the additional force that Niragi made with his own body against him got Chishyia halted. "It´s even funnier if you are resisting"

Just a few centimetres separated their faces. In the moment you squeezed Chishyia´s crotch over his swim trunks unannounced, he let escape a subtle moan that was soon silence by Niragi´s lips, who took advantage of his mouth half-open. Yeah, that picture really turned you on.

Unfortunately, the fierce and dominant kiss led by Niragi lasted less than a minute. Chishyia wiped the traces of saliva on his lips with the back of his hand and slightly smirked.

"Didn´t know you have a crush on me, Niragi", he mocked. "You should have confessed your feelings earlier"

As the rage covered Niragi´s face, you could hardly contain your own laughter. Chishyia had no idea of what he was doing by teasing Niragi like this… Or maybe he really knew what the consequences could be.

"Shut the fuck up!", Niragi growled while kicking him in his legs to force Chishyia on his knees. Instead of his neck, he grabbed him by the hair. "Better use your mouth for something more useful"

"That´s a dangerous move", he warned Niragi.

"Is it? Are you thinking of biting me?", he pulled a pistol from the waistband of his trousers and pointed it directly at his head. "In that case, I will blow your brains out"

"I already told you I don´t want guns in my dorm", you complained, getting a snort from Niragi in response.

"I won´t use it unless this douchebag leaves me no other choice"

In an attempt to avoid such an outcome, you squatted down next to Chishyia and talked with a silvery voice:

"You should say as he says. It´s better than a bullet in your head"

"I don´t have all the fucking night", Niragi urged him, removing the gun safety catch. Have you mentioned anything about consequences before? Because this was precisely what you were referring to.

Your started to unbuckle his belt before lower the zip of Niragi´s pants. He was completely hard and groaned when you slip your hand in his underwear. Niragi was too impatient to make him wait, so you got rid of his clothes letting them fall to the middle of his tights and pumped his dick twice while bringing it closer to Chishyia´s mouth. When Niragi pulled his hair tighter and stuck the barrel of the gun in his forehead, you noticed that Chishyia was parting his lips slowly. With a mischievous smile, you took your thumb between them, opening his mouth a bit more.

"You are going to need to open your mouth wider to take it all", Niragi chuckled, rubbing his tip against Chishyia´s lips, making them glossier with his pre-cum.

"Stop teasing around", you ordered Niragi. "And don´t be too rough"

You barely managed to finish the sentence before Niragi buried himself in Chishyia´s throat. His blonde hair was clutched between Niragi´s fingers, so even if he tried, Chishyia was not able to move aside or backwards. He choked on his dick before Niragi pulled away. Then, Chishyia started coughing.

"Was it too much?", Niragi asked with false innocence while playing with his tongue devilishly. You gave him an annoyed look, but your attention returned to Chishyia when he was able to pull himself together.

"That´s the best you can do?", he mocked, seemingly indifferent as if his throat didn´t sore because of his impulsiveness.

"You son of a…", Niragi growled, but when he tried to force his way back to Chishyia´s mouth, you grabbed his hips to stop him while you stood in between. Now, his anger was all over you. 

"This is my party so stop spoiling it. Otherwise, you can leave"

Niragi clicked his tongue and clenched his jaw but didn’t add anything. He was aware that these was you rule number one when one of you had a new conquest and the other decided to join. He was not happy about it, but he was even less happy about the idea of leaving.

"First of all, no guns", you declared, and after a few seconds of hesitation, Niragi put the gun away back to his waistband. "Fine. And now, do it again without making him gag with the first thrust"

Chishyia was reticent when he felt the tip of his cock against his lips again, but this time, he opened his mouth easily. Niragi went deep on his throat but with a slower path, so Chishyia could withstand it.

"That´s it. Good boys", you praised them.

"Don´t call me that", Niragi complained, but kept going in and out his mouth, groaning slightly.

You slid your lips over Chishyia´s neck before descending your hand to his crotch. For the first time, you decided to touch his dick directly, without more teasing, to give him some kind of relieve. His cock was still hard and pre-cum was wetting his tip. Chishyia let out a low moan, making Niragi´s dick vibrate, and he giggled. Niragi was enjoying the situation pretty much; it was clear.

"Didn´t know you have a crush on me, Chishyia", Niragi said, copying the above words from the blonde. "If you wanted it so bad, I would have let you gag on my cock sooner"

Chishyia didn´t answer. It's not like he could talk either. Although you couldn't deny that it was a little strange to see him so submissive. You wanted to know what was going on inside his head, but it wasn´t the best moment to start doing questions.

When you noticed Niragi´s dick pointing at you, you didn´t hesitate before taking it in your mouth too. You continued bobbing your hand up and down Chishyia´s manhood all the time.

"How could you both love my dick so bad", Niragi laughed. "Such whores for me"

When Niragi left your mouth after a deeper thrust, you looked at Chishyia, who was looking at you too with his cat eyes and his cheeks flushed, and you kissed him. Finally, you tasted his saliva from his own mouth instead of from Niragi´s dick. He just followed your rhythm tamely until you were satisfied.

"We should go ahead. I want more than a kiss"

You grabbed Chishyia by the arm and stood up, guiding him until he was sitting down on the edge of the bed, not without first getting rid of his swim trunks. Niragi was quick to position itself behind you, his hands caressing your body shameless. And without asking, aware that those were your intentions, he stripped you. It's not like you have a lot of clothes either, just the bikini top and a pair of shorts.

"It´s a pity that I have to share you with that piece of trash", Niragi mumbled near your ear while his hands were touching your breast and your waist, making sure Chishyia could hear him too. "I should have face fucked him and threw him away"

You let scape a low groan when you felt his dick rubbing against your folds.

"So wet already"

You turned around to give Niragi a wrathful kiss before continuing with your plans.

"You are free to join us whenever you want"

With no more time to waste, you climb on top of Chishyia and made him lie down with his head on the pillow. He had a noticeable boner but his face still unwavering. You wanted to crack him despite of how difficult it seemed to be.

"You cock must ache and you are not doing a single thing to remedy it", you teased him, expecting some kind of reaction. "C´mon, big boy, make your move"

Chishyia just slid his arms under his head, making himself comfortable.

"I told you. You are the one who wants this, not me, Y/N"

"It´s so?"

You plunged down suddenly. Chishyia clenched his jaw and held back a gasp acting cool, as if his dick wasn´t throbbing desperately and feeling your wet hot hole around it were nothing to him.

"Maybe you were right", you started rocking your hips up and down, purring with pleasure. "You can stand still if you want then. I can enjoy by myself"

You took your hand to his throat, choking him a little when Niragi climbed onto the bed behind you completely naked. You felt his lips in your back, your shoulders and your neck, kissing and licking your skin, even biting sometimes.

"I doubt very much that you can do it on your own, Y/N. You need someone who really knows how to fuck you properly. Or who knows how to fuck you at all"

You smiled before tilting your head back to be able to kiss him. A bit anxious to have Niragi inside you, you grabbed him by the wrist and guided two of his fingers to Chishyia´s mouth.

"At least you can lick them, right?", you asked him, hearing an amuse grimace from Niragi next to your ear that cause shivers down your spine. "Make yourself useful, Chishyia"

And without complaining or saying a word, he did as he was ordered. A couple of minutes were enough before Niragi took his fingers from Chishyia´s mouth to your ass hole, starting to prepare you. He knew well how to do it.

"I wanted to make him beg, but making you shout out loud in his face just my name when we both are inside of you… I do like that kind of humiliation"

It took what you thought was an eternity before Niragi finally decided you were ready for him. And when you felt Niragi´s dick plunging in your ass as deep as he could, you let out a sonorous whine. It hurt a bit because that bastard wasn´t as careful as he should, but he was aware you liked that way too.

"Fuck! How could you be so damn tight!", he cursed, repeating a few more times his low but deep motions before really starting to move his hips in and out. The slight pain turned rapidly into pleasure and made you moan. "Just like this, baby. I wanna hear you"

For almost ten minutes, it was like you both had forgotten you were sharing the bed with someone else. You were so lost in the feeling to notice anything else. And if it weren't for two hands hovering over your thighs, you wouldn´t have noticed that you were not alone. Those hands couldn´t be Niragi´s because his hands were around your neck and your chest. And when you lowered your gaze, you realised that Chishyia was finally doing something. Since Niragi was inside you, you had stopped the movements of your hips. Actually, Chishyia had only the tip of his dick on you. It had been almost tortuous, that´s why he grabbed you by your thighs and forced you down, getting his dick back where it should be. Chishyia moaned but not as loud as you did.

"I´m still here", he mumbled.

"I see it now", you smiled. "Thought you were just my fucktoy. Didn´t know I had to pay attention to you"

His fingers, now around your hips, pressed harder in your skin while moving you up and down to satisfy himself. Perhaps Chishyia was a bit upset due to all the mocking.

"A few minutes and he will be cumming", Niragi laughed. Having both of them pounding his cocks inside you was overwhelmed in the good sense of the word.

"Shut the fuck up", he hissed. Chishyia had been trying to restrain himself, but something was burning in his chest; something he couldn´t ignore anymore.

"I dunno. Maybe we should let him show what he can do apart from lying down", you suggested to Niragi, stoking the fire Chishyia was feeling. A mix of arousal and anger ran through his veins; something quite unlike his common self-control and indifference.

At the same time as he saw you slightly pushing Niragi to get him out of you, Chishyia knew it was his moment to shine. Niragi had barely fallen on the other side of the bed when Chishyia switched positions with you by force. Didn´t take long for him to start rocking his hips deep inside you from behind. Chishyia placed a hand in your back and the other in your nape, sinking your head into the pillow. He growled low, but he was doing it anyways even if you could hear him.

"Fuck, Chishyia!", you moaned his name for the first time. It only made the burning in his chest increase. "Why haven´t you done this from the beginning?"

Suddenly, you saw two fingers in front of your mouth. The same fingers that had been in your ass a minutes ago. Niragi wasn´t happy at all to be left out.

"Are you sure? I´m not sure if he… fuck!", a harder thrust made you shiver.

"I don´t give a shit. It's not like I'm going to ask permission either", Niragi answered.

If Chishyia hadn´t been so focused on how his cock disappeared inside your wet pussy, he would have noticed your actions. He only got it as he felt Niragi placing himself behind his body, his fingers rubbing his entrance.

"You have her, I have you"

Chishyia froze for mere seconds, but when he reacted, you were fast enough to turn yourself around and grab him by the arms before he could start fighting against Niragi. They had already been at peace for too long. Chishyia felt on you, maybe because Niragi had pushed him or because you had pulled him towards you. Anyway, you ended face to face.

"You are not forced to do this. We can find another way", you mumbled only for Chishyia to listen to you. Niragi was too focused on his own work and blinded by the need to get some kind of relief soon. "But before making a decision, think carefully if you don´t want him too"

The following day Chishyia could say he was too horny to think properly. Or maybe that he couldn´t scape that room in time. But at that very moment, and even if he would never admit it, he wanted it. Chishyia wanted Niragi as well as you. However, when he felt the first finger inside his ass, he began to regret it.

"Be nicer, you asshole", Chishyia grumbled.

"Stop whinging", answered Niragi.

"Treat his ass like if it was mine", you added in an attempt to make Niragi softer, but you failed.

"I treat yours the same way"

Chishyia chuckled, so you put him closer to kiss him and kept him distracted. Unfortunately, Niragi pushed him away by the hair shortly after. His fingers waiting for his mouth to open.

"Make them wet. Again", Niragi ordered.

"Can´t you suck your own fingers?", Chishyia asked, frowned, and Niragi curved his lips into a smirk.

"I prefer to have a slut doing it for me"

They didn´t like each other, the feeling was mutual since almost your first day at The Beach. Nevertheless, it seemed they had found some kind of pleasure in this constant teasing. The problem was that you were not sure when the tension would explode, so it would be better not to overstep the mark.

You covered his fingers with your own mouth, licking them with dedication and without taking your eyes off Chishyia´s. Niragi plopped his fingers out your mouth soon after and let you both keep kissing as he continued the prep.

That time, the kiss was different than the one you shared on the floor. Chishyia was aggressive, his lips almost desperate and his tongue fighting against yours. He had lost all control over himself, surrendering to the pleasure that intoxicated him.

"I told you. I could awaken this part of you"

"I had no choice", Chishyia responded.

"Of course you had. You have had it all along. And look at you now"

Chishyia was pleased with what you had done to him, but at the same time, he despised you for making him lose his mind and his self-control. Instead of answering you, Chishyia bit the skin where your neck and your shoulder connected, making you cry out.

"God, Chishyia!"

He titled his head backwards looking at Niragi out of the corner of his eye.

"Despite what you have said, Y/N is only screaming my name"

You smirked as Niragi clicked his tongue in annoyance. Chishyia couldn´t stop provoking him.

"If you want me to destroy you so bad, I´m gonna fuck you until you beg me to stop", Niragi announced while taking his fingers out his ass and spiting on his own cock. "If you are not ready yet, you can shout louder"

Niragi plunged down his cock inside of Chishyia carelessly. He gritted his teeth and clutched his hands tightly around the sheets but did not utter a single sound.

"Not even a word?", Niragi roared. "You are so fucking tight that I´m sure it must be hurting you, Chishyia"

Niragi was right. You saw the pain in Chishyia´s face as Niragi continued thrusting his hips towards him. Your hands caressed his cheeks, making Chishyia open his eyes again to look at you. You smiled tenderly, trying to comfort him a little bit before lowered your hand to his dick, pumping it slowly.

"You are not done with me. Can you handle it?"

"Fuck… Sure", he gasped.

From that moment onwards, Chishyia thrusted on you as Niragi thrusted on him. Both men trying to synchronize his paces. If someone was listening in the corridor, they would only hear a bunch of moans, growls, and curses. But none of you gave a shit about anything or anyone else out there. Chishyia interlocked your fingers above your head as you could hardly even kiss each other. And without warning, a shiver ran down your spine. You felt it in your low belly, you were so close.

"Don’t stop now, please, Chishyia", you moaned loudly. "Please, please, please…"

"Don't you dare disappoint her", Niragi ordered.

"I won´t"

Chishyia went as fast and as deep as he could. And unable to bear it any longer, you body got rocked by tremors. You heard Chishyia chuckling and Niragi laughing, both pleased by your noises and how your climax took over your whole body. Anyway, your head was dazed enough so you couldn´t do or say a single thing. You only could whinge when you felt Chishyia keep thrusting, sobbing due to the overstimulation.

"Don´t be such a coward. I´m pretty sure you can handle it a little bit more", Chishyia mocked, saying something quite similar to what you had said to him earlier. Nevertheless, Niragi had his own plans. He took Chishyia away from you, forcing him to stand upright with is back pressed against his chest.

Niragi wrapped his arm around his neck and the other around his waist, preventing him from moving. His tongue whirled shamelessly out his mouth, near Chishyia´s ear.

"I didn't expect you to like this so much", Niragi said with a husky voice.

"I didn´t expect it from you either", Chishyia answered. The choking wasn´t hard enough to deprive him of breath.

"You are just a whore for my cock. You will no longer be able to continue looking down on me"

"Actually, I can", he said, but Niragi pounding in a sweet spot made him cry out. Niragi widened his devilish smile.

"Yeah, I know is there. Want me to do it again? You know what I want to hear from you"

"Fuck you"

"Wrong answer. Try it again", he chuckled. "Otherwise, I can wait all night. Or stop completely"

Chishyia always presumed to be in control of the situation, but this time, he was frantic. He has never been so aroused, and he wanted his well-deserved relief. No, he didn´t want it, he actually needed it. Maybe Niragi was in the same situation, but he was holding back to maintain a slower pace. That jerk was able to stop, sacrificing his own orgasm only to deny it to Chishyia as well. There must be another solution, but Niragi choking him harder didn´t let him go on thinking.

"I am not a very patient person, Chishyia", he growled in his ear.

"Fine. Fuck", Chishyia grunted. "I´m going to kill you, but…"

"But?", Niragi encouraged him, giggling.

"But please, Niragi"

"Please, what?"

"Please, do it again"

"This?" Niragi asked as he thrusted his hips harder in the right place.

"Yes, fuck, please"

Niragi smiled pleased, biting Chishyia´s neck and wishing that his teeth would leave a mark there. Niragi wanted to mark him; everyone in The Beach would know the next day that Chishyia had given himself to him completely.

"As you wish, pet"

Chishyia moaned loudly while Niragi was finally pounding repeatedly in that damn sweet spot that made him tremble. His hands were gripping him so tightly that tomorrow he would have bruises, but he couldn't think about it for now.

You had been admiring them in silence, recovering from your own ecstasy, but you tried to move your hips up and down to add even more pleasure to Chishyia. While your wet folds slipped around his dick, you stared at his face; his grimaces of pleasure, his swollen lips, his red cheeks, and the sounds he made. That's all you wanted to see from him. You had won. Or given the situation, probably all three of you would have won.

It only took Chishyia a few more minutes until he got over the edge, cumming on your chest like never before. Niragi released him to let him collapse on top of you, and with his hands squeezing his hips, he continued fucking his ass roughly until he reached his own orgasm.

"Shit, Chishyia, you fucking…", Niragi couldn’t finish his own sentence before he slumped too. And now, you had the weight of two bodies over you. You only knew they were still alive by their accelerated breathing. You tried to endure it, but it was too much.

"Hum, I need to breath down here", you remembered them.

Niragi was the first to react, pushing Chishyia away abruptly to the other side of the bed to be him the only one lying relaxed on you. You smiled tenderly when you felt his arms embracing you with vehemence, his head resting over your chest and his eyes closed as he continued to calm his breathing.

"You are so cute when you are like this", you said, your fingertips making gentle caresses all over Niragi´s back.

"Shut up", he complained. You already knew Niragi disliked almost all kind of sweet adjectives and names, although you used them with him anyway.

"Was it good?"

"Not so bad", he commented. "Your decision wasn´t so pitiful"

You chuckled at his inability to recognise how amazing it had been.

After sex, Niragi wasn´t always like this. Even if it was a quickie or he spent hours, he always left after he had cum with some random chick. And, of course, he never lowered his barriers, but everything was different with you. You were his safe place; the only one he cared about and the only one he wanted to stay in.

Chishyia caught your attention when he got out of bed. You had thought that he would still be overcome due to his brutal and recent climax, but he looked hella fine.

"You can clean yourself up in the bathroom", you offered him. A private bath in the dorm was one of the advantages of being an executive member.

"Or you can just leave", even if he didn´t want to, Niragi slid to the free side of the bed. He didn't want to appear weak in front of Chishyia and stay in your arms didn´t help him at all.

"You can never shut up, Niragi?", you complained.

"Why should I?"

Chishyia just smirked in response and began to dress. He would clean up in his own bedroom.

"Stupid people always talk the most", he muttered, bringing a smile to your face.

"Don´t make me kill you while you still have my cum in your ass", Niragi scoffed. "Maybe I even use you one more time before doing it. Begging suits you well, Chishyia"

"Don´t get hard too many times thinking about it"

"You wish", Niragi snorted, turning around as if willing to sleep.

Chishyia zipped his jacket halfway up and slipped his hands into his pockets as usual. He was himself again, with his lips curved into a smirk and a cynical gaze on his face.

"Give me a kiss before you go", you asked him.

Chishyia stared at you closely, as if he was thinking why you had said that or what should he do. Finally, he just shrugged his shoulders before adding:

"Not that type of guy"

Chishyia left the dorm shortly after and made his way to his dorm quietly. After taking a shower, he got into his own bed. His bedroom was quieter, lonelier, and smelled less like sex. His smirk was still in his face. He knew everything you had said was right. Emotionless, never getting involved, looking down everyone and believing he was clever because, indeed, he was clever. Chishyia didn´t understand human nature or emotions at all. And yet, you had been successful in getting under his skin. He still remembered the burning in his chest that you had managed to make him feel with Niragi´s help. Rage, arousal, and a bit of envy too. Everything was new for him and he didn't like it very much.

Part of him wished he could forget about it and get back to focusing on his plans, but he doubted he could do it so easily.

"I wasn´t expecting that", he mumbled. "But I guess I will have to find a way to deal with it"

He already had a few ideas in his mind.

[the-hornedwitch]

As I’ve said before, what I write is from my own personal journey. None of this was learned over night. Nor did my connection and relationship occur in such a manner. My journey with Him has been a four to five year walk.(though the way I write condenses it)  While I have been a pagan for over fifteen years, and have practiced witchcraft for an equal amount, I did not hear His call for a time.(I have a listening problem) I am in no way an expert, I’ve just read what called to me (S.Connley, Jason Miller, Anton LeVay, Michial W. Ford, Ego Diabolus, EA Koetie, Rumi, Alan Watts and C. Jung) took what made sense, and applied it to my own practice. Some of what I speak on may or may not align with what some of the above stated have written, again, my perception, my experiences, my interpretations. Enjoy.

Lord Lucifer LOVES music

            I mean LOVES Music. If there’s one thing popular media has gotten right in regards to this Dark Lords personality it is how He ENJOYS music. (We can talk about emotions, deals, hedonistic tendencies and Justice later) Back to Music.

            I’ve noticed He enjoys all genres, as long as it "sound good" or is "creative". I tend to be electric in my music tastes and enjoy listening to it more than watching television. I often play music as a type of "offering' for Him, and through the last four years, I’ve concluded that some of His favorite genres are; Classical(the more emotional the better), Melodic/Goth(Loves Orgy, Depche Mode, Muse, NIN), Synth/EDM, 80s(All of it), any sort of Broadway/theatrical, Punk(not a surprise) and ANYTHING about/relating to/inspired by Him(He is and Pentacle to the Pit from Ghost put Him in a MOOD). Metal is a touch and go, (I personally LOVE it). He does enjoy various types of Rock (70s mostly) and Blues/Jazz tend to bring out a nostalgic/sensual energy. Oddly enough, some Christian themed music. (Has something to do with His sense of Humor, He likes His Jokes)

            Music, carries vibrations and energy, as do spoken words. I am of the opinion it is one of our first language as a species. The Ancients used it in ceremony and ritual. As a Pagan and Witch, I have utilized music in various types of ritual, meditation, and craft work. Most of my communication with Lord Lucifer often occurs through music. It can range from hearing a set of lyrics that co inside with a thought or question. To falling into a very deep trance, that carries me into His current.

Contracts ARE a "Thing"

Yes, Lucifer does LOVE his Contracts, Bargains, Deals, and Arrangements.

No, not the "selling of your soul" type of deals. (Then Again...)

You do not need to make any sorts of deals to "work" with Him. He will work with you, especially when you approach Him with respect and humility. Building a relationship with Him is very important, He doesn’t 'take' orders, nor can you "command" Him to do anything. Attempting so is very disrespectful, and He will laugh at you, while teaching you a fun lesson for the audacity.

Not to say, some of the 'old' High magician, Alester Crowly, Golden Dawn type of 'summoning" doesn’t work, they will get His attention, yes, and like I said, He does enjoy his deals, bargains, and such. Remember, Lord Lucifer does what He wants. He has His sadistic, Dark Lord moments, and (I say this with respect) is That type of Asshole. You ask Him for fame and fortune, He may give it to you. Just understand what the price is, and be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.

I have a contract and arrangement (No, not for fame and fortune) with Him, they took time to be "written" and I did not go into them lightly. He did not approach me about them, I petitioned Him. They are deeply personal and pertain to my path and dynamic with Him. I am only "allowed" to speak on them openly if the environment allows it. Which tends to be in spaces with fellow practioners, who understand the Dark Divine on a profoundly deeper level then the standard "Satanist."

It's all an Illusion, even the Gods

            We live in a Matrix, No it's not like the movie.

            There are layers and dimensions to this reality. They aren't always physical, and they have a lot more to do with one's own consciousness and perceptions. The Gods are no different. When you began to work with Enties of a Higher or Deeper plain, your understanding of reality, consciousness, and time shifts dramatically. It can happen all at once (Which bends or breaks the mind to the point of madness), or it can be gradual. Sometimes it is both. The Gods are no different. Through my thirty some odd years on this planet, I have learned a great deal of things. Some wonderful, some not so much. I have decades to go on my journey, but one thing that has stuck out to me thus far is this: Humans put the Gods in neat two-dimensional boxes. Myself included Hell we all do it, it's how our silly little ape brain can make some sort of sense in regard to the vast cosmic beings which are The Gods.

            When I say, Lord Lucifer is everything "they' say He is, and more. I mean this; He has aspects and masks, that go far beyond what many people have written about. I am in no way saying I'm special and know all the secret's, I'm certain there are others on this path who have been just as privileged to know all aspects of Lord Lucifer. What I'm saying is, you get what you Give with Him. If you push yourself to grow, to dive deep within yourself, and to listen to the knowledge He willing offers to those who put in the work. You by proxy, are introduced to sides of Him that aren't often addressed in 'the books'. It is both terrifying and euphoric, if you know, you know. If not, sorry friend. I can only share so much, I can only show you the door, you have to be the one to open it. 

The books aren't always right, but sometimes media is

            I quote that line from Constantine a little too often, "The books aren't always right Chaz". I'm not the only one, Jason Miller uses it a lot too. Speaking of which, if you haven't seen Constantine yet, you're missing out. It's actually pretty awesome. Peter Stormare, steals it with his whole ten minutes as Lucifer.  I mean it. I saw the damn movie at eighteen, well before I started my journey. Thought it was fun, and interesting, in my top ten favorite movies, damn love me Keune Reeves. Since starting my journey, and rewatching it recently, Holy fucking Hell. Not to say the movie has anything correct, it is still fiction inspired by Abrahamic mythos. Fun, and entertaining, and much like anything, there is some truth in it.

            Its approach to how Lucifer is depicted.

            Yes, He can and will be all about His 'Job' and have fun while doing it. His sense of humor is dark, with a touch of insult to injury. He can go from laughs and smiles to I will fucking tear you apart at the drop of a hat. He does whatever the fuck He wants, when He wants, "rules' be damned I found a loop whole, suck my entire dick, I get what I want, end of sentence.

            There are books, and tomes out there that have important and vital information in them. Some have assisted me with my journey, and I give credit where credit is due. Few, however, give you the heads up in regard to how Lucifer "works". I have skimmed across a few who mention how intense He can be. How He will push you. or how strict, He can be.

His Infernal Majesty, The Crowned Prince of The East

            There is a Hierarchy within the world of The Dark Divine. While Lord Lucifer Is one of Four Crowned Princes, He is not King/Lord of Hell. Nor is He Satan, Has He carried the title from time to time, yes, but He is NOT Satan. In my dealings with The Dark Divine, I have met One Satan, that being Ha Satan (Sammeal). Who is the head of the House of Satan. Lucifer is directly under Ha Satan, along with the Other three Crowned Princes. Under a Crowned Prince, there are Kings, Princes, Dukes, and Marques. Under each title are Legions, in each Legion are Devils, Imps, Incubus, Succubus, Demons, and Nameless.

            Polyamory is common among the Dark Divine; Lord Lucifer is no different. He has quite the array, of Wives, Concubines, Consorts, and lovers (Yes, He has a Harem). Angelic, Demonic, and 'Human' alike. I'm not naive, to think I'm the only one who has experienced Him in the manner I have. There are many Humans who serve and devotee themselves to Him. I am not the only one. There are levels, and you go as deep as you want with Him. You get what you give.        

            While there is a lightheartedness to the way I write about Him, it is simply my personality shining through. I have learned what I can and cannot share, on social media and the like. My approach tends to keep me out of too much trouble. That being said, do not get it confused. I know exactly, WHO, I speak about. There are moments I have shared with Him that I am not permitted to speak on openly, due to their personal nature. (And our arrangement) I'm well aware of how, brutal He can be with His lessons. I have been on the receiving end of 'discipline' more than once. I know to which Dark Lord I claim to know and serve. These writings are encouraged by Him. With their limitations of course.

Images by Mabel Amber, Joachim Schnürle , Michal Jarmoluk, Эльвина Якубова from Pixabay

[undercover-monsterlover]

Oh! Someone who does jjba matchups? You're a blessing. Can I please get a matchup (with a male character)? You can choose what part you want, love them all. If you're still open, of course, if not, you can ignore this. No worries and thank you! ❤️

She/her, Gemini, INFJ, 26

Personality: I'm a warm and affectionate person generally. I'm respectful and kind to everyone, with no exceptions, but I never accept disrespect or ill intentions towards loved ones or myself. Can get intimidating really quickly if it's needed. I'm self-assured and confident enough to stand up for others or myself. Not afraid of conflict. When I'm sad, angry, or anything like that, I bottle up everything and walk it off until it fades, even if I know it's bad. Another flaw is that I hate admitting my vulnerabilities. I deny them to always look strong and tough, but I'm trying to be nicer to myself too. I love listening to others, empathizing with them, and offering any type of help, comfort or understanding they might like/need. Huge romantic. My love language includes physical touch and words of affirmation when giving. I enjoy flirting with my partner and showing appreciation but also messing up with him just for the reactions. I've been told that I have a calming presence but honestly, I like calmness and chaos equally. I love challenges too. I work in Healthcare and I'm a huge geek about it, bringing random medical facts to the table even if no one asked lol. Favorite romantic tropes: forced proximity, old flame, enemies to lovers.

Hobbies and random likes: working out (helps me let out that bottled-up stuff safely), reading, learning anything new (curious about anything), long walks and deel conversations, dressing up (dresses, skirts), connecting with people on a deep level, the colors red, pink, black, sweet perfumes, tea, flowers.

Looks: short (but can and will kick ass), curvy, hazel eyes, and honey blonde hair, some freckles, a tattoo of a crescent moon.

I hope this is not too long or confusing. Thank you again, have a lovely day/night! Don't forget to take care! ❤️

Alright, I'd match you with...

Mohammad Avdol

You strike me as a very strong willed individual, who would require someone who isn't intimidated by strong women, or "emasculated" when a woman succeeds in something he couldn't. And I believe that Mohammed Avdol would settle for no less than someone as strong and dependable as he is. I think he would be initially attracted to your acceptance of conflict and turmoil, and your ability to "roll with the punches" so to say. He'd also deeply appreciate your openly affectionate and warm personality, he hates people who try to "play it cool" around people they like. I bet he'd make a romance tarot spread for you and subtly imply you'll end up with a man who has a "firey" personality lmao.

Based on his character profile and his actions in the show, we know he's a warm and confident person, just as you are, and I think you would be a total power couple. You'd be the kind of couple that everyone wants to come to their parties or events to "kick things off" and get people feeling comfortable. You'll both also totally keep everybody safe, even though I think some people would be jealous of your relationship.

I believe that due to how you both are such strong people that try to ignore their more negative emotions, he would know exactly what you're feeling, to an extent that's almost annoyingly perceptive. And in public I'm sure he'd let you keep up the mature, responsible side of yourself, he knows how important it is to appear tough, especially in intense situations, but in private he'll always offer to let you vent or just be vulnerable around him. He wants to be your rock, through thick or thin. And you of course have an equally intuitive sense for his emotions. I feel like you'd have a very fluid dynamic, always taking the role the other is currently indisposed to take. If he's acting impulsively, you'd be the one to remind him to think things through. If you are trying to ignore your own needs in order to save face, he'll be the one to remind you that it's ok to think of yourself.

He would love how romantic you are. He's all for the sappy tropes, weekly dinner dates even if things are busy, buying you flowers randomly, this dude would totally give you massages, honestly more for his enjoyment then your benefit if he's honest. I think he would be an incredibly attentive partner, especially considering how intimately he understands you. He's always very considerate of you you may take things, but he's also not one to shy away from conflict, so he'll always bring up whatever's bothering him, and encourage you to do the same. Any arguments between you two would likey end in a good compromise, though it may take a while to get there, since you both have such strong personalities.

I feel his favourite way to show love would be gift-giving, wether it's an old book he's read and think you'll like, or more fancy Egyptian perfumes and fragrances then you'll know what to do with. He loves seeing the appreciation on your face when he gets something you like, which means he's always trying to remember everything you like, even if it's just something you picked up to look at in a store once.

Also when things got serious between you he would absolutely get a tattoo in the same style of yours, a sun to match your moon. You'll have a very push and pull relationship, always making up for what the other lacks, and reflecting back what they need, and I think the sun and moon imagery fits that dynamic quite well.

[ilikereadingactually]

The Imperial Radch Trilogy

hoooo boy, do my mismatched covers annoy me! so much that i ordered lightly used copies of each book with its other cover also, and will soon have a full set of each, because i am one of those people.

Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie

picking up a book that's as exquisitely written as this is like slipping into a warm bath. like i can just relax, because i'm in skilled hands. the amount of trust that precise, compelling prose can win from me in just a few pages is astonishing, and has rarely been misplaced.

and this is one that requires a little bit of trust! like many of my favorite speculative books, there's no soulless infodumping about the world here--background is given when it fits and serves the narrative, and otherwise you learn the world by experience. through the distinct and fascinating experience of Breq, in fact, who used to be the AI of a military spaceship with many ancillary bodies (human bodies that house its consciousness and crew the ship) and now exists as only one lone ancillary on a revenge mission. i love Breq's very specific and unusual perspective; i love jumping back and forth in time to see the past and the present and wonder how they're going to collide; i love weird space politics and religion and the exploration of emotion as a part of sentience. also!! i love many of the side characters!! Breq is really the focus, but everyone else who enters the story, even briefly, is clear and interesting, and some of them made me cry.

and i love the way gender is presented in this book SO MUCH. Breq comes from a society that doesn't distinguish gender, and uses "she" as the default pronoun, which i already love. and the book doesn't give many clear visual descriptions of anyone--so we're fully inside that perspective. Breq does take some notice of class, through accents and clothing, but just isn't at all concerned with markers of gender, and actively has difficulty identifying gender in other languages and cultures she encounters. i think this takes a lot of skill to write, and it's frankly baller to read.

also! i fucking love that the standard of not only beauty but high class and privilege in this society is dark skin!!!!!!!! dark is fashionable! dark is aristocratic!! i mean im never gonna be like "this fantasy imperialist classism is actually the good kind" because that's missing the whole point of the books, but it's so REFRESHING to visualize.

a line i really liked: AI to AI communication

"You still had your ancillaries," said Mercy of Kalr. "Yes." "I like my soldiers, but I miss having ancillaries." That reminded me. "They aren't doing maintenance as they should. The hinges on the airlock door were very sticky." "I'm sorry." "It doesn't matter now," I said, and it struck me that something similar might have delayed Anaander Mianaai's attempts to open the lock on her side. "But you'll want to have your officers get after them."

books 2 and 3 under the cut!

Ancillary Sword by Ann Leckie

LOVE a second book in a series that delights me just as much as the first but in new and different ways!! Leckie's prose is still gorgeous, that's a given. but this book, as with many good speculative series, heightens the stakes and broadens the world. where the first book was a somewhat more intimate story about a few connected characters and the pursuit of a personal goal, the second book brings in more complex political intrigue, addresses more widespread injustices, and introduces an array of excellent new characters. the first book held on to its tension by moving back and forth in time; this book takes advantage of the wider spread and Breq's particular kind of perception to tell multiple stories happening simultaneously, through glimpses at what other characters are doing "offscreen." it's a fantastic tactic!!

it's also clearer in this book how unreliable Breq's narration is, specifically about her own state of being. she thinks of herself as not human, and so as less important--she doesn't take the time to narrate or even notice her own physical state or emotional needs until she's totally overwhelmed, at which point we start to get little flashes of what everyone around her sees: a person of incredible kindness and integrity and intelligence, beloved by those under her care. there's a specific kind of intimacy between characters in these books that fascinates me, i love every acts of service bitch in this bar.

a line i really liked: why is every book series i love actually about grief

"Citizen, I am in mourning." I had not had time to clean the white stripe off my face for the night. And she could not possibly have forgotten the reason for it. "But surely, Fleet Captain," she replied sweetly, "that's all for show." "It's always for show, Citizen. It is entirely possible to grieve with no outward sign. These things are meant to let others know about it."

Ancillary Mercy by Ann Leckie

wow. ok. so. i drafted the section on Ancillary Justice above after finishing just that book; wrote the section on Ancillary Sword after reading all three books and listening to the first two audiobooks; here i am to write about Ancillary Mercy after reading the series once and listening to all the audiobooks twice. so...my descent into obsession will be palpable.

i'm actually a little mad that i didn't have these books on my radar before, but i was deeply embedded in the children's lit world at the time they were coming out, and maybe would not have enjoyed them as much as i did. which is something i loved in this series--the persistent idea that people not only change over time, but that in each moment, all the choices you have made up to that moment have created you specifically, and if you had made different choices, you would be a different person. i'm not the person i was then, five years out of grad school, busting my ass for $10/hour in children's bookstores, reading mostly middle grade because middle grade reliably is not romantic and i did not yet know i was aroace. so, overall, i'm grateful these books have come to me now (thanks to my best friend, who sent me Ancillary Justice for my birthday and kept telling me i would love it).

but let me talk a little about this third book in particular. once again, the stakes are incrementally raised: threats that were at a little distance before finally arrive in a bigger way, or come back again after a tense reprieve; the question of who is a person, what a "person" even is, becomes both more muddied and more crucial than ever. through it all, Breq continues to move doggedly forward with stubborn compassion for everyone but herself, keeps throwing herself in front of danger, and makes a more enormous impact on the world around her than i ever expected. this book is like everything i ever loved about Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (the best Trek don't come at me) but with oodles more gender fuckery.

it's also the really beautiful culmination of my other favorite theme of these books: that you can't know what effects your choices will have, and maybe you'll never know, but the chain of those effects will go farther than you imagine. it's so wild, on a second and third read, to see both the ripples of ruthless and self-centered choices, and the ripples of choices that come from an ethic of care. Even inside a terrible, imperialist system doing terrible, imperialist things, a single compassionate person persistently doing what she feels is right can change the course of someone else's life, and in doing so change the course of the universe.

a line i really liked: everything happening here is a blessing

"Thank all the gods," said Sphene. "I was afraid you were going to suggest we sing that song about the thousand eggs." "A thousand eggs all nice and warm," I sang. "Crack, crack, crack, a little chick is born. Peep peep peep peep! Peep peep peep peep!" "Why, Fleet Captain," Translator Zeiat exclaimed, "that's a charming song! Why haven't I heard you sing it before now?" I took a breath. "Nine hundred ninety-nine eggs all nice and warm..." "Crack, crack, crack," Translator Zeiat joined me, her voice a bit breathy but otherwise quite pleasant, "a little chick is born. Peep peep peep peep! What fun! Are there more verses?" "Nine hundred and ninety-eight of them, Translator," I said. "We're not cousins anymore," said Sphene.

the combo deets

how i read them: i read the first as a physical book (thanks B <3), started the second as an ebook, happened to be at a bookstore and picked up the second and third, and so read them all physical in the end. also, highly rec the audiobooks!! i don't know how they'd go as a first read, but they're extremely fun as a reread. lots of great accents and really interesting tonal choices.

try these if you: dig hard SF and examinations of artificial intelligence and personhood, are weak for self-sacrificing main characters, want that sweet aspec rep, or fuck with gender! or, and this may sound weird, love people bonding with dragons in your fantasy books--there are a lot of relationships here that feel similar to me.

maybe not for you if: you really need to avoid depression/suicidality, drug addiction, or genocide in stories. none of these things are here in a degree that i found too difficult to handle, but i like an uncomfortable read, so ymmv.

i'm reading Provenance, the next book set in this universe, right now! so more Imperial Radch reviews to come.

[inkedwingss]

I saw your post about metamorphosis and i thought this would be interesting: what does love mean to you?

Short answer: love is not a feeling.

Long answer:

We have been given so many human definitions of love. It could be romantic or sexual, eros (ἔρως); friendly, brotherly love, phileo (φιλέω); unconditional love, agape (ἀγάπη), or even storge, mania, pragma, ludus; many "types" of love.

People buy flowers because "they love". They also kill "because they love", or "in the name of love". It is justifiable, because "I love you". If I "love" this, then it must be good. It feels nice.

Feelings are an amazing, curious thing. Very volatile, they change quickly. We sometimes let them guide our actions even though we know they are not a very reliable platform for decision making. Personally, I think feelings are an essential part of the human design, and they protect us as a language that teaches us.

One thing my husband taught me was to not suppress my feelings. When I feel upset, this feeling is pointing to something and I have to ask: what is that? Why does this upset me? Did this happen before? How did I react? Why? The real answers will not come easily, they might take hours, days or even years. It might be painful and you will have to sit in silence and not be afraid of the truth and reality itself.

Because when you suppress your feelings, at some point you won't know where or who you are anymore. The feelings become a cage, instead of a sign in your path. God forbid they might try to become your entire identity.

Writing like that is almost poetic, but it's not pretty when any of this happens. Depression, anxiety, suicide ideation, grief, disassociation, confusion, and all that shit — it's not pretty. It's ugly and painful. I will never advocate for the glorification of pain, suffering and pointless violence. It's only "aesthetics" if you have never been there.

Well, if love was a feeling, it would escape your hands, being volatile as feelings are, unreliable even; it would change its behaviour towards you once triggered. It would shout at your inner child even though it didn't mean to, because feelings are not morally accurate, they are just feelings. When you track down the root of a feeling, then we can enter the morality realm, but that's totally not the point here.

I'm not saying Love doesn't make us feel things (and some quite good ones, btw), but Love's nature is radically different from a feeling's one. Therefore, Love it's not emotion and sensation, although it touches all that.

Love could be an action? A thought? A concept? Mhm, yeah, yet all those things could never embody the magnitude of Love when isolated. Love requires action, thought, concept, and feelings; in the sense that a concept is not much different from a dead thing if we can't experience it somehow. So Love must be experienced, which means that it's connected to the reality itself (or the perception of it). It can't be subjective. It's not attraction, desire and affection, for those things also change, based of feelings, too unstable to build an identity, a house or a life on.

Love can't be a fantasy, a mere word, a social construct, because we all know it's real, and humans do chase after it, right? We long for the experience of Love. And we go for whatever sounds like it, we "learn to lick it from knifes" when we "were not fed it with spoons", we change and destroy who we are just to see a glimpse of it. Or what we thought it was a glimpse of it.

Truly, we might be able to experience Love in action, thoughts, feelings; essentially, in every realm of the human experience, in infinite ways. Love is present in grace, forgiveness, connection. In synchronicity. In honour. In the smile of someone "we love", in their eyes, their patience towards us, or our patience towards them — Love manifests itself. It could be a boop, a homemade meal, the shared grief, a tired dad after work, "loving" his kids. The sunshine striking the woods in that particular angle, the magical beauty of creation. Yet, those things are reflecting Love, they are not love themselves. But they do shine and call us to a higher place. Love is always calling us home.

With all that said:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now, we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." (1Co13)

Love is not a thought, a feeling, or a subjective concept.

Love is someone.

[star-going-supernova]

Hi Star, I have a silly question,,,

I've been fixated on Vanessa A. for very long and have constructed this narrative where she's an Afton because she married Michael Afton in their twenties. After he dissapears, she gets a call from him telling her to stay away from Freddy's. She doesn't listen and searches for him anyway, discovering that he used fake names and lied about everything, fueling her obsession with finding him.

Then Glitchtrap finds her and uses her for his own purposes, due to his murder obsessed ego and petty grudge against Michael probably

Vanessa at one point writes a note "flowers for your grave" and orders chocolate despite not eating sweets. This would imply that she was visiting Michael's grave, which just breaks my heart into a million pieces and makes me want to scream into a pillow like a child

William is trying to brainwash her into thinking she's his daughter, which is just sick.

I think Vanessa is determined and broken and she blames herself for Mike's disappearance. She is absolutely my favourite character out of all of FNaF lore and I can say that it's because of my selfish and dillusional attatchment to her LMAO

I struggle to express her story correctly. Do you have any advice as an author?

(you dont need to answer this, i also just wanted to say that your fanfics bring me so much serotonin thank u *holds a thumbs up*)

Aww, thank you, friend! I’m glad you enjoy my stories! And what an interesting premise! I’d be happy to offer some words of wisdom. Keep in mind that everyone’s got different advice to offer and different views on writing, and this is merely mine!

Now, without knowing exactly what you’re struggling with, my advice to you is really allow yourself to explore Vanessa internally. This can really help show her inner struggles and determination and guilt. I sometimes see authors—not just of fics—who rarely go beyond the surface-level parts of a character (not that that's a bad thing!). Let’s quickly define external, surface-level, and internal characterizations: 

External: facial expressions, body language, actions, reactions, habits, etc. (these are details that can be observed)

Surface-Level: preferences, obvious thoughts/emotions, intentions, etc. (think of this one like what a standard movie can do: we see the character, maybe we get some flashbacks, and there might be voiceovers for internal thoughts. but everything we see inside the character is deliberately shown to us)

Internal: how their emotions feel rather than what they are (difference between saying “they were sad” and “their throat was tight, a sob getting stuck somewhere behind their sternum. they trembled and closed their stinging eyes. the gathered tears slipped free, tracing slowly down their cheeks, warm, but only for a moment.”), their bias/thoughts/reactions to what’s happening without it being so clear-cut, their unspoken wants/needs, their secrets and memories, etc. (the story is largely told by them, and a lot of the story is colored by the character’s perception/experiences/thoughts/etc.)

These are very closely tied to the point of view you choose, and obviously, if you’re not telling the story in Character A’s POV, you can’t dig into their internals. And not every story needs to be deeply connected to a character. I’m personally a believer in character-driven stories (did a paper on that once, actually, lol) and love love love really getting to flesh out my characters. When you use internal characterizations, you’re telling the story through someone. It’s an excellent way of giving the reader a chance to understand and connect with your character. 

Here’s an example of how the deeper into a character you go, the more you can show: 

He sharply raised his hand, and she flinched. Her eyes squeezed shut, but she didn’t move away.

There are only external things here, a reaction that a witness could see. We aren’t in her head at all. 

He sharply raised his hand. She flinched, already anticipating the sting of a slap. Stupid, she berated herself, shaking in place. Now you’ve really made him angry.

We’re in her head, but it’s all spelled out. Her thoughts are clearly marked rather than a part of the storytelling itself. We’re not truly seeing the world through her eyes. 

He sharply raised his hand. With a little stuttered gasp, she flinched. It took everything in her not to throw herself backward, but that would only make him angrier. She shouldn’t have done that; why had she done that? Her thoughts ran on loop, panic choking her. Tense, she waited, the sour taste of fear clawing up her throat. 

We are deeply inside this character. We aren’t seeing conscious thoughts; we’re experiencing this moment with her. The story is told through her reaction and reasoning and feelings. 

Like I said above, this style is really good for when the emphasis is on the character. Keep in mind, of course, that not everything in the story has to be super descriptive. Sometimes, characters just do stuff or go from point A to point B. Moderation makes it so the times you do highlight the character's inner workings are notable.

If you’re having trouble with something else, such as plot, then this might not be very helpful, whoops. That would be entirely different advice. Regardless, I hope this helps even just a little, friend! Thank you for asking, and I’d be more than willing to ramble about a different part of storytelling if that would help! ;) I did go to college for this, lol.

[raenvs3000f24]

Blog 4: Who are you to interpret nature through art? How do you interpret “the gift of beauty”? (Your readings – specifically Chapter 5 of the textbook – will be helpful for this!)

We as humans always have a tendency to express our emotions, feelings and perceptions (interpretation). They can be expressed by either speech, body language, and art. When we discuss regarding perceptions being expressed by art, it is usally found to be very under rated in comparison to speech and body language. Just because speech and body language are more easily understood to the public rather then art. Many of my friends at high school specially did not like to draw or analyze art just because they found it irrelevant. Although I always spoke about the benefits of art to them as being a great tool for self expressing our perceptions on any given thing. Once my friends actually implemented the performance of art in their life, they actually agreed with me that art does have a great place in expressing our perceptual interpretations. This is why I make the case that art can depict interpretations in a more convenient manner in comparison to speech and body language. Alluding to the emphasis of art in comparison to nature interpretation, the course textbook of ENVS3000 states “there is a natural connection between the arts and interpretation of our culture and landscape”. This makes the case that there is indeed a big connection between our art work and interpretation of nature.

As the course textbook of ENVS3000 alludes to art being counted among the tools of interpretation. When I analyze the photo above, I can easily notice that there are red trees and mix color shades of water. This can be there to reflect the mood of the artist in comparison to the rest of the picture (light red shades and grey shades of color depicting the pond). This is where I can easily reflect upon this art work as showing us that the world is very lively after a rainfal has taken place. This is just one of the many countless examples of art work I can analyze just by looking at the color and style of the art work.

The gift of beauty for me is everything that artwork has to provide in terms of it’s affectionate nature. Art is a very beautiful thing which humans do not give much credit for. In terms of interpretation, art is like a gift for us in which we can interpret our feelings in a more convenient manner. As the textbook says “Interpretive programming extends beyond walks, talks, and evening campfire programs”, this alludes to the fact that art work also has a big place in terms of the interpretive world. And what is the best place for a person to witness art? It is definitely art museams! Whereas the textbook mentions that art museums can play a role in interpretive philosophy in which art can typically interpret itself. This typically gives a lot of credit to art museums as bring a great place of interpretive agenda. We are totally blessed to have art in our life, art has also been proven to cure depression in many people because of the effect color has on giving joy to the mind, which is just another reason to why it’s beautiful.

Unit 05: Nature Interpretation through Art and Planning for “All” Scenarios. (2024). Uoguelph.ca. https://courselink.uoguelph.ca/d2l/le/content/898489/viewContent/3863606/View

[idigitizellp21]

Understanding Learning Difficulties In Students

Is your child struggling at school? Does he or she fear reading out loud, reciting a poem, writing a paper, or attempting a math problem? Does he/she frequently want to take breaks while studying? Every kid has trouble with homework from time to time, but if a certain area of learning is consistently challenging, it might indicate a learning disorder. By understanding all you can about specific learning disabilities, you can ensure your child gets the right help to overcome classroom challenges and succeed in life.

What is a learning disability?

Specific Learning Disabilities are an umbrella term for a wide variety of learning problems. A learning disability is not a problem with intelligence or motivation. Children with learning disabilities aren’t lazy or dumb. In fact, most are just as smart as everyone else or even smarter. Their brains are simply wired differently. The most common types of specific learning disabilities involve problems with reading, writing, spelling, math, reasoning, listening, and speaking.

The term specific learning disability is used to describe a specific group of children, adolescents and adults who have problems in learning.

SLD is found across all ages and in all socio-economic classes.

Specific Learning Disability or S.L.D. is a condition where, in spite of having intelligence that ranges from average to above average, the child despite his/her best efforts, fails to develop adequate learning skills.

These children have deficits in psychological processes of learning such as attention, perception, memory or language development.

Deficits in any one or more of these processes are manifested as difficulties in learning to develop reading skills, writing skills, mathematical abilities, listening skills, speaking skills, motor abilities as well as social-emotional behaviour.

Learning disabilities look very different from one child to another. One child may struggle with reading and spelling, while another would love to read but couldn’t understand math. Still, another child may have difficulty understanding what others are saying. The problems are very different, but they are all learning conditions.

It’s not always easy to identify specific learning disabilities. Because of the wide disparities, there is no single symptom that you can look to as a problem. However, some warning signs are more common than others.

Change comes in various forms — whether it be a career shift, a relationship evolution, or a global pandemic. Research suggests that individuals respond differently to change based on their personality traits, past experiences, and coping mechanisms. The way we perceive change plays a crucial role in determining how well we adapt. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals with a growth mindset, who see challenges as opportunities for learning and growth, tend to adapt more effectively to change.

Signs and symptoms of learning disabilities:

Difficulty pronouncing words

Difficulty in finding the right word

Difficulty rhyming

Difficulty in learning the alphabet, numbers, colours, shapes, days of the week, months of the year

Difficulty following directions or learning sequences or following instructions

Difficulty controlling crayons, pencils, and scissors, or coloring within the lines

Concern with buttons, zippers, learning to tie shoe laces

Difficulty in connecting letters and sounds

Unable to blend sounds to make words

Confuses basic words when reading

Slow to learn new skills

Consistently misspells words and makes frequent errors

Difficulty in learning basic math concepts

Difficulty telling time and remembering sequences

Difficulty with reading comprehension or math skills

Dislikes reading and writing; avoids reading aloud, avoids writing

Poor handwriting

Poor organizational skills

Unable to sustain attention in classroom discussions and express thoughts aloud

Spells the same word differently

Confuses between left and right or before and after

Uses reversals, rotations, addition or omission of letters or words or numbers

May be awkward or clumsy

Is inconsistent in behaviour and work

Early detection of a specific learning disability and symptoms that are identified early can be easier to correct.

You know your child better than anyone else does, so if you think there is a problem, Seek help.

You may connect with our expert team member Kashmira Kakalia.

To know more about the causes and types of specific learning disabilities read our next blog.

[vincewillard-1971]

Human Memory and The Brain

Introduced

The human brain is made of millions of neurons placed in an organized manner to ensure the working of the organ. These neurons communicated with each other using specialized chemicals called neuron transmitters. The chemicals are of several types, and the release varies and depends on several different factors. We know a lot about the brain, and there is a lot that we do not. But, with it's complexities and unique coordination system, we have barely scratched the surface.

The human brain is the least understood part of the whole body. This control unit made of organic matter is remarkably complex and is a conundrum of it's own. Although the primary function and coordination are pretty defined, the enigma of deeper understanding remains. There are pathways and complex neural connections that are still unknown, but how the information is coded in the same chemical is beyond understanding. Behavioral patterns, decisions, preferences, and belief systems originate in the brain, but all processes are unclear. The paradox of memory and emotion is a question of it's own.

In this article, we will try to understand human memory and it's types, the ways it can be stored, reason why a person forgets certain events, and many more. So, keep reading!

Definition of Memory

In scientific terms, memory is defined as the encoding, storage, and retrieval of an experience. In a simpler meaning, it is a recollection of the past. Remembering a number just long enough to dial it and the complete mental image of your wedding day or the trip to Greece decade ago are all memories.

Something as simple as remembering the day's task involves complex brain work at the back end. The complete archive of it stored in the brain defines who we are-our behaviors, perception, and beliefs. Ordinary tasks of daily routine and complex ones like learning a new language are all memory-based. In broader terms, memory is something that has got the human race on the top of the evolutionary chain.

Long term VS Short term Memories

If we try to look into the depth of what memories are there can be two types. Based on the time limit, memories can be broadly classified into long and short-term memories.

Short Term Memories

A short-term memory has the time span ranging from seconds to a few minutes. They are stored temporarily and then either get the the long-term storage, or they are discarded. Let us say someone gives us the mobile number. As the number is new so our memory will retain it for the short term. There are the possible chances that we are going to forget about this number after few moments.

Long Term Memory

These are the memories stored in the brain over a more extended period. They are several short-term memories organized to form a long memory that is stored permanently. Depending upon the importance and number of recalls, it can recall your 18th birthday but not what you ate on Monday three weeks ago.

Classification of Long-term Memories

There are several kinds of memories. Depending upon the portion of the brain involved and type of information, they can vary a great deal. Here is a more in-depth look into the classification of long-term memories.

Long term memories can be explicit. Explicit memory can be further divided into episodic or semantic, and implicit memories can be procedural.

Explicit Memory

These are the memories that require the conscious effort of recalling. As a friend, baby shower three years ago or the knowledge like the earth is a planet.

•Episodic: These comprises the events of one's life. For example, the graduation day, a particular Christmas morning, etc. These memories are edited by brain overtime when we recall them in specific context. They are not very reliable. Brain's ability to retain episodic memory depends on the number of sensory stimuli involved and emotions.

•Semantic: These memories are the general facts and knowledge of things around us. Like cats are mammals, earth has one moon, and a year has twelve months in it. These memories get updated with new pieces of information. The phenomenon of forgetting is involved in making place for new facts without cause cognitive dissonance.

Implicit Memory

These memories do not involve active or conscious recalling. They are mostly procedural. For example, shift car gear, riding a bike.

Parts of Brain involved in Memory processes

Technically our brain has many different compartments and they work differently to do certain functions. Not all of the brain is involved in memory. Hippocampus is the main region of the brain involved in memory processes.

When it comes to storing or making a memory Hippocampus is involved. It is the primary regulator of the process of memory retention. It is a seahorse-shaped part of the temporal lobe. It acts as a bridge in engaging all the parts of the brain required to keep a memory. Although it is not involved in retrieving, formation and consolidation are highly dependent on Hippocampus. Consolidation is the fixing or storing a memory permanently.

Suppose due to a dire turn of event someone you know had most of the part of his Hippocampus removed. This person will not be able to remember anything new. Thus, memories will not be retained. However, the ability to recall older memories that happened before removing the Hippocampus will remain unaffected.

Memory Storage in Brain

Generally, we might see a similarity in storage devices or hard drives and brain, but they are hardly alike. Unlike storage devices, memory in mind is not stored at a specific location. And brain structure is not like a hard drive. It is much more complex, and memories are stored all over it. This is evident from the brain scan. Suppose we are looking at the brain activity of a person recalling a past event. The image will show several neurons firing up located in several different parts of the brain. Let us see how it is stored.

Hippocampus that is involved in making memory comes in and takes the aggregate of several short-term memories. Suppose the memory for the graduation party can include the food you taste, what you feel like, and what the house smells like. In short, there are several chunks of memory involved. Hippocampus takes the whole piece and assigns them specific places in the brain center, like the smell, will go to the olfactory region, and sounds go to the auditory area. The neurons on which these are written make connections with each other. This develops a big large memory circuit. The way these connections are made forms the indexing or the flow of how you remember a particular thing.

Role of Memory Retention in Daily Tasks

Memory building has a high range of involvement in doing the tasks of daily life. It is mostly dependent on short-term memory. Ever walked into the room and forgot why you came in? Ever forget what were you writing and question you are on during an exam? It has happened when short-term memory is not built, and we lose the sense of what we are doing for a while.

Most tasks are process, and we need to actively know and memorize what we are doing every step of the way. How and what you are doing is also important. Thus, things go on in a constant loop. If you do not have short-term memory, everything around you will be a giant blur of nothingness. Without short-term memory, you will not be able to make long term memories.

Memories shape our Perception and Reality

Everything we are and everything we will ever be is all dependent on memory. Human belief systems, perceptions, and learning are all memory related. Our consciousness is the ultimate reality of us as people with personality and preferences. Memories define actions, and actions are what we become.

Suppose you think racism was not real. But you came across literature contradicting the idea. Your perception said that it was right. So, you committed the new information to your memory. Based on which you acted differently than before. Had it not because of the mind, you might have stuck to your old beliefs.

Memories are triggered by Senses

We now know that the memory comprises of several chunks of information. The more the sense and emotions involved, the easier it will be to access the memory. In the film Ratatouille, when Remy feeds Ratatouille to Anton, the critic gets a flashback of his mother. It shows Anton as a child, eating the same dish that was made by her mother.

This is a clear depiction of how memory works. The taste of a sensory trigger brought the memory of Anton's mother. Thus, consciousness is based on several such connections. Similarly, a smell of perfume or a song can also take you to a trip down the memory lane because sensory stimuli are involved in accessing a certain memory.

False Memory and Memory implantation

As much as we can trust our brain in keeping the record of everything, it can go through specific alterations. Our memories, especially the episodic ones, are reconstructed and can be falsely stored. One pop culture representation of false memory we have seen is in the movie "Inception." Tit revolves around going into someone's subconscious and planting the idea of memory that was not there.

Progress in psychology has proven that memory implantation is indeed possible. With therapy, the memories can be manipulated, and new memories can be implanted . We see the phenomenon of memory implant going on in Westworld; where Als are given false human memories to mask their reality and purpose.

Reason behind Forgetting things

The brain can store a large sum of data in it, but some things are lost. Forgetting is as essential as retaining something. It helps make new memories and move on. Otherwise, we will never progress into the future and cling on everything traumatic we remember. Sometimes we even forget the memories we cherish because this is how the brain works. It lets go of memories so future memories can be made. This is the reason why we even forget our most heartbreaking break up after a while or even our most cherished birthdays.

Here are the three ways it can happen.

Passive Oblivescence

This is the progress of losing memory when the neuron connection weakens over time. With aging or when we do not actively recall a memory, the neuron's link is lost. It can also happen when we lose the stimulus to the mind. The memory might still be there, but we are not able to access it.

Target Forgetting

This happens when our brain actively prunse and discards certain details of a memory. For example, when we learn a new piece of information that contradicts the previous one, the pleasant memory is retained . The conflicted one is dismissed. With target forgetting, we also eliminate our conflicted believes and welcome new perceptions.

Motivated Forgetting

It is phenomenon of a deliberate forgetting of traumatic and unpleasant events. The exact mechanism is unknown, but when we decide to forget something, the brain steps in. It blocks the neurological pathways to a certain memory, and we forget it.

The Memory Palace

Memory palace or mind techniques is a process of actively archiving important information in an organized manner. It is a compartment technique in which you visualize the space and store memories in a certain rooms and areas. Suppose you want to remember a certain sequence. You envision the room and associate them with certain components lof the course. So, when you want to remember the sequence you walk through, the place in decided order. In Sherlock, we see Cumberbatch organizing the memory palace and getting rid unimportant information to keep him memory tidy. This technique is useful in remembering the detail of any event, whether there is an emotional trigger involved or not.

The Horrors of Dementia

Dementia is often commonly regarded as a disease. The truth is dementia is not a disease; it is a group of several symptoms caused by some brain-related disorder. Although speech and language could also be affected, memory loss is relatively com people with dementia. Strokes and Alzheimer's disease can lead to dementia. The brain activity, including the normal process of memory-making and assessing, is disrupted. The neurons degenerate, causing the symptoms of memory loss. Type of damage can vary with the kind of dementia and other condition.

The memory loss due to aging is different from this. Unlike skin cell that regenerates themselves regularly, nerve cells do not. This means that with normal process of aging, they will degrade. The amount of neurotransmitter will also decrease. This can lead to the loss of specific memories.

Summary

Memories are the past experiences that are stored in the brain in highly organized manner. We can recall the memories at any time by just thinking about that time of our life.

Memories are broadly divided into two types; long-term memories and short-term memories. Short-term memories last for a few seconds to minutes and are then either discarded or stored permanently. Long-term memories are stored for longer periods of time, often for a lifetime.

Long-term memories re divided into explicit and implicit ones. A brief detail of this classification has already been discussed.

Hippocampus is the region in the temporal lobe that is involved in memory formation. However, it is not required to recall the memories.

Memories are stored in the form of neuronal connections that are spread throughout the brain. There is no single location in the brain for memory storage. All the areas of the brain are active when a person recalls a past event stored in his memory..

Short-term memories help us a lot in performing daily life tasks effectively.

Memories also have a major role in shaping our perception of the world and the realities we believe in.

Special senses such as taste, smell, and vision can trigger memories. They not only involved in making new memories but are also involved in the recalling and retrieving process.

Some me literature does exist about the possibilities of memory implantation in one's mind as depicted by some science-fiction movies.

Forgetting different events make space for new memories to be formed in the brain. It can take place in three possible ways as mentioned earlier.

Memory loss is the common and severe memory disorder seen in old age. Alzheimer's disease is the most common cause of this disorder.

[sternvonafrika]

Since you know how to express yourself in more than a language, i want to ask you this question that is pestering me for quite some time now: did it ever happen to you that you managed to write something truly breathtaking not in your mother tongue, but when you wanted to replicate that sensation in your first language you just couldn't do it because you never learned how to do it properly? Thanks in advance for answering this.

ehy! interesting question, i could give you two different answers to this: a linguistic one and a more personal one!

linguistic: linguists and socio-linguists have been concentrating on the way bilingual/multilingual people speak in relation to their perception of the languages they are fluent in and they have also been trying for ages to understand what the different relationships between one’s native language and one’s second languages are when it comes to conversations. there are some interesting papers out there, i am sure about it, but most of the academic ones (written by scholars and not by some amateur linguists who write their article on some random magazine) are behind some paywalls and i cannot access them right now to support this with some more specific and scientific pieces of information. however, in general, studies provide insights into how emotions are important in life of multilinguals when they switch between their languages and the results usually show that speakers of several languages are emotionally attached to their first language or their dominant languages (if they know more than one by birth). in general, anyway, the way one uses languages is very connected to the culture of their native language (how open to showing feelings or dealing with other topics they are) and, of course, to personal sensibility

personal, which means, my opinion and some rambling on how i perceive my connection with italian (native language) and english/german/spanish: first there’s something we need to acknowledge: emotions can be scary to utter in our predominant language, the one which permeates our own lives in every single aspect, because they feel more heavy and very strong, sometimes. that’s why some people tend to be able to write their deepest (and maybe darkest) feelings or fears in a language they feel more detached to or in a language they are fluent in but which isn’t part of their daily life, and thus appears to be less emotionally and personally connoted. i don’t know if you ever did this, but the classical example i have seen around here a lot is the example of “reading nsfw fanfiction of pieces of fiction in english (second language) is fine but reading nsfw works in my native language feels strange/embarassing/wrong/funny” or even the “saying “i love you” in english feels very superficial and fun but if someone said “i love you” to me in my native language i’d probably have an heart attack”. of course, this can also happen when it comes to both negative and positive emotions (see the strong “i love you” example). by writing down (or ever think about!) your feelings in a second language you may be trying to feel more detached from your daily-life and this other language may help you writing down all the emotions in a very self-forward way. then, when it comes to translating all the spontaneous feelings you wrote in the language you are more attached to (your native one, for example) the same reaction of “oh, this feels heavy, very dramatic, very strange” may occur, depending on your sensibility, your relationship with your own feelings, your language and how open it is to accept and describe the expression of personal feelings. for example, some people feel that some cultures (and languages) have more taboos for expressing emotions (like, some emotions are considered “bad” or it’s shameful to openly talk about negative ideas or feelings). so some feelings and situations are hard to describe in one native language also because it is not a habit to talk about them and one may feel at loss of words. of course, in this case using a second language will make talking about their feelings much easier for people who feel this way.

[kojinnie]

Why you should NOT date AOT boys...

Headcanon on what kind of headache you're bound for when dating the AOT boys, and why I advise you NOT to date them! Enjoy, loves!

levi - eren - armin - reiner

part two here | erwin - zeke - jean - connie

— LEVI

He's an incredible man with a lot of talents and he'd be doing real good at his job, that dating him would give you a huge sense of pride. However, this man suffers from being emotionally constipated. He'd always keep you in the fine line of "are we or are we not?", even though you’ve been seeing each other for a long time. He’d never say “I love you” or any type of flashy display of affection. His love language is acts of service and quality time, so if you’re the type to wanting outward reassurance of how someone feels about you, Levi’s not gonna be the person to give you that. 

This problem stems from his deep, unresolved insecurity about the nature of relationship. It’s not just the “Am I good enough?”, he genuinely thinks that he is not a good person, and thus the inherent belief that everybody will abandon him in the end  — something he picks up from his traumatic childhood. He’s wary about establishing relationship because he’s afraid to succumb into his own feelings and vulnerability. He fears at certain point he has to feel and suffer the emotional consequence of being left by someone he cares for. He dreads the idea of getting caught off-guard with being fragile.

You gotta be extremely patient and understanding when it comes to Levi, the reassurance needs to come from you, and frequently too. Bluntly saying, “I’ll stick around” or “I’ll accept your shortcoming” is really soothing for Levi, because although he never shows it, he really thinks he does not deserve you.

— EREN

If you wanna be frustrated in a relationship where you constantly feel like you’re in an endless coaster, then dating Eren gotta be your poison. Sure the honeymoon phase was intoxicating, sure he makes you feel like the prettiest girl in the world. The morning text, the playful neck peck out in the public, the butterflies you feel in your tummy when you catch him staring at you even from afar with those oh so enthralling green eyes. But once the honeymoon phase over, Eren is quick to get bored. Especially if you’re an unproblematic, matter-of-fact type of person. Eren likes to fight, he gets thrilled by it, and he’s high with the rush of adrenaline. He likes it if you’re jealous, if you sulk, if you argue. He likes you to be ‘childish’ because then he gets to be the adult, the savior, the knight in shining armor. It grinds his gears. If you’re unfazed by his antics, if you’re easy to forgive, if you’re chill, Eren will think that you’re not really into him, and will exit the closest door out before his ego gets bruised even further.

Eren is sort of babied by people around him – his parents, his friends, and constantly being compared to his older brother doesn’t help either. He realizes that he got saved a lot of times by a lot of people. And this creates a deeply rooted insecurity with him that turns into an incessant impostor syndrome. The constant thought of not being good enough and the idea that all the achievement he’s ever got was the result of someone else’s help really crush him. You can shower him with praises and reassurance, but he would completely dismiss it, because he thinks your compliments are not based on objective views and that he does not deserve it. He painfully seeks for approval from any authority figure that (he thinks) does not have any emotional connection with him. And it can be really hurtful when he constantly dismisses your sincere compliments while desperately chasing from others who don’t care about him.

— ARMIN

It’s really hard to hate Armin. He’s a really nice man through and through, but what is his strength can also be his deepest weakness. He’s too nice and unsure about a lot of things. He knows he is knowledgeable, but he often doubts himself for being too ‘text-book smart’. Which is a valid cause, because at times he would get very oblivious to how relationship works, and treat feelings like it’s a quantifiable system. It will literally take years for him to finally get down and say how he feels about you, because all these times he was so busy filling the check-list in his mind to convince himself whether you truly like him or not, even though you couldn’t be any clearer with your intention towards him.

He is perceptive with what you think and how you feel, unfortunately this does not materialize into any action as he doubts his own intuition when it comes to his significant other. He fears that his own sentimentality has affected his intuitive judgment and thus deems it invalid, which is completely untrue because every hunch he has about you has always been accurate! That’s just how much he understands and knows you from years of quietly observing and taking each of your word into account.

He really relies on you sitting him down and telling him in details how you feel and the things you expect from him. He will do it, in a flash with no hesitation, but really, he just needs that verbal affirmation that he is doing the things that you want, and it’s not just based on his assumption. So, if you like sweet surprises, impulsive dates and expect your significant other to read your mind, Armin might not be the person.

— REINER

Oh my, truthfully, he is such a sweetheart, and can be completely smitten for the entirety of his life if he has found that one person. However, it’s a treacherous road for both Reiner and you to get to that stage. Initially, when you start to get closer to him, he may seem rigid and uninterested. The first date you had with him probably went awkward and although you really liked him, you were pretty sure he didn’t like you back, until he texted you the morning after, asking for a second date. That’s basically how being with Reiner is, a series of you being sure that he feels nothing towards you, only for his following action to prove the otherwise. He is really awful in displaying his emotion, he tries to be stoic all the time, and it often frustrates you because you cannot really tell how he feels, and you fear that you might have hurt him without realizing.

He may start to open up, only when you open up first about yourself. He thrives in romance with someone who he thinks shares his inner pain, and that’s very important for him, because he is always in a position where everyone expects him to be strong, and to have a significant other that understands his struggle is all he wants. But this gets hard for you, because sometimes Reiner’s sadness can be quite extreme and you cannot match that. Once Reiner realizes that you’re not on the same boat, he may become withdrawn, as he thinks he’s a burden and inadequate for you, and may end up self-sabotaging the whole relationship he has with you.

Although he does not like to admit it, but Reiner often slips into his sadness too deep, that it almost seems like he victimizes himself with his self-hatred. He will be the one to say stupid shit like, “You deserve someone better.” Or “I cannot make you happy.” When in fact you are perfectly willing to be with him all the way through.

With Reiner, you gotta be the bigger person, with bigger gestures and bigger patience. It’s because Reiner needs an anchor and a figure to lean on. In returns he would be the best lover that you will ever have for he is selfless and will be helplessly devoted to you.

Racking my brain writing for the rest of the boys (Erwin, Jean, Connie, Pocko) because they're the ones we SHOULD date.

Update: Thanks thanks thanks for everyone who read this! I received a lot of love and you dunno how much this encourages me to keep going. Anyway, 2 things:

- My Masterlist

- Talk to meeee ♡

[ON-GOING REQUEST EVENT]: Kojinnie's 200 Followers Celebration - 24/7 Writing Event

[breadqueen95]

Dress - Bucky Barnes

bucky barnes x fem!reader

wc: 5k

plot: bucky and y/n’s relationship is new, and they don’t want to share with their friends just yet. but something as simple as a dress can change anyone’s mind, even the winter soldier. 

content warnings: kissing. physical affection. flirting. allusions to sex. drinking. being drunk. language. bucky being a flirt. 

a/n: this is for @natasha-romancff and her taylor swift writing challenge! it took me awhile, but i’ve had a ton of fun writing this. so many bucky fics are angsty, and rightly so the man has some TRAUMA. but for my first bucky fic, based on dress by taylor swift, i wanted something happier for him 

***

Damn. That was a lot of leg.

“I don’t know,” you muttered as you stared into the mirror, “aren’t these things…a little classier than this?”

“Uh…have you met Tony Stark?” Natasha grumbled as she continued to scroll through her phone. “The man has never been classy a day in his life.”

“Well I know he isn’t, but fancy people show up to these things. I just don’t want to embarrass myself.” You were currently standing in front of the full-length mirror in Wanda’s room, staring at the reflection of a woman who didn’t quite look like you.

But it was you, wasn’t it? It was just…that you was wearing a very short, very sexy red cocktail dress. The sweetheart neckline was a nice touch, but the back was completely open. And that hemline? Definitely hiked way up past your knees.

“Y/n, relax,” Wanda reassured in her lilting accent, “sure, the dress is a little…spicier…than you’re used to, but it’s in a good way.”

“I’m pretty sure every single person would be able to tell I spend my days in tactical gear. God, I’m not sure I even know how to walk in heels this high!”

Heaving a dramatic sigh, Natasha threw her phone down and looked at you in the mirror. Her eyebrows were raised, and she was giving you her usual ‘don’t give me that shit’ look. It nearly had you shaking in your very strappy black heels.

“Are you kidding me, y/n? I’ve seen you strut in enough fancy parties during undercover missions to know that you’ve got this.”

“Yeah,” Wanda scoffed as she took a sip of red wine from her glass, “all she’s nervous about is what Bucky will think.”

Rolling your eyes, you tried to hide how much that sentence affected you.

“C’mon, Wanda. You know Bucky and I are just friends.”

“Do friends undress each other with their eyes whenever they’re in the same room?”

Damn it. Damn Wanda and her stupid perceptiveness.

“You’re reading too much into it, Wanda.” She just laughed at you, acting like she knew so much better.

What you knew and wasn’t ready to admit to your two best friends, was that she was right on the money.

Bucky Barnes, the infamous Winter Soldier, your favorite person in the entire world, was now your boyfriend. He had been for a few weeks now. The two of you were insanely private people. Hell, it had been years before the two of you had finally learned everything about each other. Once you had gotten past the walls the other had so carefully crafted, well…

At that point you were in love.

But the others didn’t need to know that, not yet at least. The Avengers were a family, your family. They were really the only true family you’d ever had. But Bucky…Bucky was finally yours. And you were his. You didn’t think it was crazy to just want to enjoy that, just the two of you, without everyone else sharing their jokes and opinions just yet. They did it out of love, you both knew that, but you just wanted him all to yourself.

As you looked back at your reflection in the mirror, you took a minute to really consider what Bucky’s reaction might be. He had the best poker face in the room no matter who he was with, but you knew him well enough to know how he was feeling just based on his eyes. He’d always said how much he loved red on you, and he adored every and any excuse to touch your skin. Those steel blue eyes of his would absolutely burn once he saw you in this dress.

And fuck, that was something you really wanted to see.

“Well, if you aren’t going to wear that dress, you better pick something else,” Nat said, jerking you from your fantasies, “we need to be there in twenty minutes, and we all need to touch up our makeup.”

“Actually…I think I’ll wear it,” you said confidently, trying to hide your grin as you ran your hands down the silky fabric.

What you didn’t see was Natasha and Wanda sharing a secret smirk behind you, like they’d known what you’d do the whole time.

***

Six weeks ago, everything had changed for you and Bucky.

You’d known how you felt for a long time. Bucky Barnes, despite his past, was the kind of man anyone could fall in love with. He was sincere, kind, generous, witty…everything you’d ever wanted in a partner. He had been your best friend for even longer.

It had been a long time before you could even admit your feelings to yourself, let alone to him. After everything the two of you had been through, who had the time and mental capacity for romance? It just didn’t seem important. You just chalked up your feelings to being such close friends. All you wanted was to be near him, even if you just sat in silence doing different things. Just being in the same room as Bucky brought you a sort of peace you’d never had before. Whenever he touched you, even if it was just a brief hug or brushing your back to get past you, your skin erupted into goosebumps. But that was just because physical touch was still foreign to you, right?

And his smile. God, his wonderful smile…

Bucky didn’t smile much. He hid behind a mask of stoicism, a remnant from the trauma of his horrible history as the Winter Soldier. Showing any sort of emotion, especially happiness, was hard for him. But when he finally let himself smile? It was the most beautiful thing you’d ever see.        

It took several sleepless nights wrestling with those confusing feelings to figure it out. You didn’t just see Bucky as your best friend. You had it bad. Not just “oh my god he’s so handsome” bad, like the “I would take a bullet for you I’m so in love” bad. That revelation? It left you euphoric. It also left you scared.

Because you were so sure Bucky didn’t feel the same. And that thought was like a knife to the heart every time it flashed through your mind.

So you kept it to yourself. You tried to keep things as normal as possible, but your heart kept fluttering whenever he walked into a room. Being so close to Bucky meant you confided in each other about pretty much everything, and he knew you well enough to know you were hiding something.

It all exploded on a Tuesday night in the compound.

Tuesdays were your movie nights. Bucky had a lot of pop culture to catch up on, so on this night every week he would come by your room to watch a movie. It was a weekly tradition that kind of started by accident. You were shocked he still hadn’t made time to watch Lord of the Rings, so you forced him onto your couch with popcorn and The Fellowship of the Ring. He loved it so much, and immediately asked if you guys could watch The Two Towers the next week. How could you say no to him?

Tonight, you were watching 13 Going on 30. It was your all-time favorite romcom, and you figured you could both use a break from all the action and fantasy movies you’d been cycling through. Something with a happy ending was worth indulging in.

“Does that Matt guy look like Banner to you? Or is it just me?” Bucky asked through a mouthful of popcorn.

“Heh, maybe a little,” you said, “Give or take a few years.” He laughed at that, and you forced yourself to laugh quietly. You wanted to blurt out your feelings every time you looked at Bucky, so you’d gotten quieter and quieter every time you spent time with him. It was an awful reaction, and you knew he noticed. But it was better than losing his friendship, right?

After that awful and painfully obvious forced laugh, Bucky let out a huge sigh and paused the movie. He set the bowl of popcorn down on the coffee table in front of the couch, then turned to face you. Exasperation and hurt glimmered in his eyes.

“Y/n, what the fuck is going on with you?”

“W-what do you mean?”

“Oh come on, don’t give me that,” he said sharply, “I know you better than anyone, and I know for a fact there’s something you’re not telling me. Is it me? Did I do something wrong?”

“What? No, god no!” You exclaimed.

“Well it must be something I did, because you’ve never been this quiet around me and it keeps getting worse. I hate it, and I want to know what I did so I can fix it.”

“Bucky, I’m serious, it’s nothing you did—”

“Then why? Why are you shutting me out?” He cut you off angrily, arms thrown wide. “You’re my best friend, I just don’t get why—”

“I don’t want you like a best friend, Bucky!” Your eyes went wide as the words flew from your lips. In the most comical way, you clapped your hand over your mouth as if you could stop the words that had already been said. Bucky’s eyes narrowed in confusion.

Oh fuck. He didn’t get it. Curse him and his old man ways.

“What does that even mean, Y/n? Are you saying you don’t want me around anymore?”

“Bucky, of course not. God, I would never want that. Never in a million years.”

“Then you better explain, because if you haven’t noticed, I’m over 100 years old. I need a little help here.”

“It means, uh…um,” you stuttered, wringing your hands together. “Is there any chance we can just forget I said that?”

“Nope, not a chance.”

“It means…it means that I care about you. As more than a friend.”

His entire face seemed to crinkle as he processed that. If you weren’t freaking out, you’d be obsessing over how damn cute it made him look. Then his eyes got wide as he began to make the connection. Your stomach nearly fell out of your ass as his eyes lifted again to meet yours.

“I…I think I know what you’re saying,” he nearly whispered, “I just need you to get real specific real fast, because I’m not about to say anything until I know exactly what you mean.”

“It means I’m in love with you, okay?” You burst out. Even through your mortification, there was a sudden sense of relief. A secret as big as that had definitely been weighing you down. Now that it was out there, that was one less thing you had to worry about.

His eyes grew even wider. How that was possible, you didn’t even know. That beautiful mouth of his began to turn up into a small smile as he gazed softly at you.

“You’re in love with me?” He asked, his smile getting wider with each passing second.

“What, you need it carved into stone or something?” You couldn’t help but sass him. Did you fucking stutter?

“No, it’s just…I never thought you’d feel that way about me.”

“Well, clearly I do. So you – wait, you mean you’ve thought about this before?”

“Of course I have,” he said as he shrugged, “I’ve been in love with you for two years now, how could I not think about it?”

You were instantly filled with warmth and pure bliss. In all your obsessing over your own feelings, you’d never allowed yourself to consider that he might feel the same about you. It just didn’t seem possible.

“I’m sorry,” you burst out, holding a hand up, “you’re telling me you’ve been into me for two years and didn’t say anything?”

“Why didn’t you?” He shot back, inching closer to you.

“Because you’re my best friend. I didn’t want to lose you because of stupid feelings I have.”

“But…I have those same ‘stupid feelings’ for you. So can we just cut the whole act and get on with it?” Bucky brought a hand up to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing along your skin so gently.

“Uh…um…get on with what?”

“Well I’d kinda like to kiss you, if you’re cool with it.”

“Bucky Barnes did you just use current slang to ask if you could kiss me?” You didn’t move an inch as his face moved right in front of yours, breath intermingling as you gazed into each other’s eyes. God, was this really happening?

“Yeah, guess your lessons worked,” he murmured.

“Well you better kiss me, then.”

As soon as your lips met, it was like coming home.

***

That memory, your favorite memory, replayed in your head as the three of you stepped into the elevator. Nat and Wanda were happily chatting about who would be there, what kind of antics Tony would cook up tonight, if there would be music we could actually dance to. You know, normal party things.

All you could think about was how long you had to stay until you could sneak off with your boyfriend.

You were so happy Wanda and Natasha had convinced you to wear this dress. When you’d first put it on, the difference from your normal look was so jarring that it took you a few minutes to get used to it. But now that you had, now that you felt the silky fabric shifting against your skin as you moved, now that you saw how dangerously long your legs looked in these heels…

Damn, you felt sexy.

And that sexy feeling? It made you want Bucky’s hands all over you.

But this was a party. A party thrown by Tony Stark, one of the most perceptive and observant people you’d ever met. If you left too soon, if he thought you weren’t “having enough fun”, he’d be more than a little upset. So you had to stay, drink, mingle, maybe dance a little…and then, maybe later, you could go do what you actually wanted.

The elevator pinged, indicating you had reached the topmost floor of the compound. This floor was home to a huge communal space, often used for just hanging out with the team. But on nights like tonight, Tony went all out and turned the space into something that resembled…a club?

The three of you stepped out into the massive room, upbeat music already blasting from the speakers. Typical Tony – he never really outgrew his love for dancing and parties. The bass thrummed through your body, making you want to move to the music. The lights were dim, but you could still tell who was around. It looked like you were some of the last members of the team to arrive. There was a huge bar off to the side, and Natasha headed that way right away. You turned to ask Wanda if she wanted to follow Nat, but she was already making a beeline for Vision. Smiling, you just turned right back around to follow Natasha. A drink sounded pretty good right now.

As you made your way to the bar, you felt more than a few pairs of eyes on you as you walked. You sneakily looked around as you went, noticing men and women watching you with admiration, and dare you say it, longing. As someone whose job was to blend in with the background all the time, this was a different and slightly addictive feeling. You leaned on the bar next to Nat right as the bartender slid her drink over to her.

“Straight whiskey tonight? Damn, going hard.” You quipped.

“Hey now, you know I can handle my liquor. It’s you we need to watch out for, you lightweight.”

Laughing, you scanned the party guests, looking for the one person you wanted to see. Tony had had arm around Pepper’s waist, both laughing at something Rhodey had said. Bruce lingered around them, drink in hand and looking a little nervous, but still happy to be included. Wanda and Vision were sitting quietly on one of the couches, both looking absolutely smitten with each other. Scott Lang, one of the newest additions, was busting some moves, while Peter Parker laughed as he watched. Thor, who was visiting from Asgard, laughed boisterously as he watched various guests try to lift his hammer. You couldn’t help the smile growing on your face. You loved these people so much.

Then, you saw him.

Bucky was with Sam and Steve, as usual. But even as Sam and Steve were talking animatedly next to him, those gorgeous blue eyes of his were glued to you. There was a kind of intensity in them you hadn’t seen before. Your breath whooshed from you body as he grinned at you. Trying to maintain the suggestive image your dress gave you, you managed to send a flirtatious smile his way, then turned back around to face the bar. Leaning against the counter, you knew he’d get an eyeful of your bare back. God, this was fun.

The bartender finally made his way over to you, and you ordered two tequila shots.

Nat turned to you, one eyebrow arched in surprise as she asked, “And you say I’m going hard? You can’t just down two shots right away, babe.”

“I’m not doing two shots; you think I’m stupid?” The bartender slid the shots over to you along with two lime wedges. “One is clearly for you.”

Unable to hold back a laugh, Natasha put her arm around your shoulders and pulled you into her side as she said, “Why the fuck not, let’s do it.” The two of you went through the process: salt, shot, lime. You couldn’t help but wince as you downed the harsh liquor. Of all the shots in the world, tequila probably tasted the worst. The only reason you kept going for it was the warmth it traced down your body, and you felt your muscles begin to loosen up.

“Two more,” you called over to the bartender.

“Uh, no,” Natasha shot at you, grabbing her whiskey, and pushing off the bar, “I’m good with my top shelf shit, you keep going after that gasoline if you want but I’m out.”

“C’mon, Nat,” you called out, “what am I gonna do with two shots?”

“I’m sure you’ll find someone else, babe.” She said with a wave over her shoulder.

Sighing, you turned back to the ridiculously pretty bar (seriously, how much had Tony paid for this thing?). Who else would help you look cool and sexy at a bar for your secret boyfriend?

Okay, that was the cringiest thought you’d ever had. Gross.

As the bartender slid the tequila in front of you, you steeled yourself for the nastiness that was about to happen.

“Fuck, I didn’t think this through,” you mumbled.

“Yeah, you tend to do that,” a deep voice answered on your right. Instead of being the slightest bit surprised, you couldn’t help but smile. You’d know that voice anywhere.

“Something I can do for you, Barnes?” You looked up at him from under your lashes.

“Well, it looks like you’ve got an extra shot there. Thought I could bail you out.”

“Is that all?”

Bucky shifted so that your arms were just barely touching. His hand was right next to yours, and you reached out with your pinky to lightly brush his.

“Doll, you have the gall to show up in that dress and ask what I want as if you don’t already know?”

“Sorry Buck, I’m a little slow, must be the tequila. You should probably be a little clearer.”

Putting on quite the show of reaching for one of the shots, his mouth somehow ended up right next to your ear.

“I want you.”

It was lucky everyone was so distracted and couldn’t see how you shuddered at his words. Trying to maintain brain function, you managed to take the shot with him. You were now fully facing each other. He was wearing the cockiest smirk you’d ever seen, one that would put Tony Stark to shame. You couldn’t help but respond with that same energy despite the jitteriness his three little words had reduced you to.

“Well why don’t you—”

“Hello, my friends!” A booming voice sounded between you as Thor threw a huge arm over each of you. Bucky, with his stupid super soldier strength, didn’t really have a reaction to it. You, on the other hand, stumbled a little under the weight and force of it. “It’s so good to be back with you tiny humans.”

Was…was he slurring his words?

“Thor…are you drunk right now?”

He simply laughed in response. Well, that answered that.

“Of course I am, tiny person! It can’t be a party without good Asgardian wine.”

“Wait…you have literal god wine?” Bucky, who had a look of vague irritation on his face up to this point, now looked interested. Maybe even a little excited?

“Of course, metal appendage.”

“Dude, you can’t just call Bucky ‘metal appendage’—”

“He can if he lets me have some,” Bucky interrupted.

“We have a bargain!” Thor slapped Bucky on the back before scurrying back over to where he had come from, probably to get the wine he had promised.

“Bucky, you can’t even get drunk,” you hissed, “what exactly is the point of this?”

“Since everything happened, I haven’t found any alcohol strong enough to get me drunk. I figure god wine is worth a shot.”

“Bucky—”

“When I kiss you against a wall later, I wanna be a little tipsy,” he whispered in your ear, “that cool with you?”

Unable to keep yourself from smiling again, you nodded as Thor sauntered back over. Ever since that moment a few weeks ago, right before he kissed you for the first time, asking “is that cool with you?” had become your thing.

And the idea of Bucky kissing you against a wall? Yeah, that sounded pretty good.

***

As it turns out, Asgardian wine is just as potent as Thor had promised.

For the first time in over seventy years, Bucky Barnes was certifiably drunk. It made him feel like the Bucky from all those years ago, and it was the most incredible thing. Here he was, over 100 years old, partying, and all his favorite people were here.

Including his ridiculously hot girlfriend.

Even as they both flitted around the party, Bucky and y/n still found each other’s eyes, even from across the room. They would send winks, smiles, even funny faces. All he wanted to do was be right next to her, talk and dance with her all night…

But they had agreed. They wanted to keep their relationship a secret for now, keep the attention off of them for a bit while they got to know each other in this new way.

But god damn, that dress.

Y/n in red was…indescribable. It didn’t matter what she wore, she was always the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. But in red? In this dress?

She was breathtaking.

“Buck, you breathing?”

A hand waved in front of his face, snapping Bucky’s attention back to the people around him from Y/n’s back. He had been imagining putting his hands all over that back later and had gotten more than a little mesmerized. He managed to get his eyes to refocus, finding a drunk Sam smirking right next to him and an even drunker Steve dancing next to him. But what Steve was doing couldn’t really be called ‘dancing’ per say…more like an aggressive wiggle.

“Why wouldn’t I be breathing?” Of all the things he could’ve said to get Sam’s attention off of him, that wasn’t it.

“Uh, probably because the girl you’re in love with decided to show up and show off tonight? Pretty sure you’re drooling, man.”

Despite himself, Bucky slapped a hand across his mouth, only reducing Sam to wheezing laughter. Knowing he had been caught, he rolled his eyes and grimaced a little. Of all the people to catch him, he wished it hadn’t been Sam.

“I wasn’t…staring… at y/n, I just never see her dressed up is all.”

“I never said anything about the girl being y/n.”

“…fuck.”

“LANGUAGE,” Steve yelled out, pointing a finger at his two friends before returning to his shimmying.

Turning back to him, Sam added, “Just go be with her, Buck. You’re not fooling anyone, and neither is she.”

“We’re that obvious?”

“A few weeks ago you’d at least try to hide it. Now I’m surprised you’re not jumping each other’s bones right here right now.”

“Point taken,” Bucky said, lightly slapping Sam’s shoulder before power walking over to his girl.

***

“Nat, if you don’t stop asking about Bucky and I’s relationship, I’m going to kick you,” you called over the music before taking another swig from your glass. It was no Asgardian wine, but the human stuff wasn’t half bad in your opinion. It wasn’t like you could drink the god shit, anyway. If you had even one sip, you’d be swinging from the ceiling like Miley fucking Cyrus. You were pretty drunk as it was.

“Okay, fine,” she said with a shrug as she took a sip of her whiskey, still as calm and collected as ever. “You’re almost as drunk as he is, you’ll be talking soon enough.”

“Oh? Is that your spy master plan?”

Natasha was still looking as unbothered as ever, but as she looked across the room over your shoulder, her face split into a savage grin.

“It was, but it looks like I might not need it.”

“What do you me—”

Your words were cut off as a large, warm hand enclosed around yours. Whirling around, you were suddenly face to face with the man himself. Bucky was clearly having a good time. His mouth was relaxed into the cutest smile you’d ever seen him wear, and he moved without his normal stiffness and intensity. He threaded your fingers together, smiling down at you with so much love it was a wonder Nat hadn’t said anything yet.

Looking back in front of you, ready to explain yourself, you only found empty air. Guess she’d seen all she needed to, but honestly, you really didn’t care. All you’d wanted the whole night was to be exactly where you were right now; hand in hand with the man you loved.

“We’re just kidding ourselves, doll,” Bucky called next to your ear, “Sam said we’ve been pretty obvious.”

“Nat said the same,” you answered with a sheepish smile, “kind of hard to keep my face under control when you’ve got that leather jacket on.”

“You’re blaming me?” He asked with mock indignation. “You’re the one who looks,” he gestured wildly to your whole body, “like that!”

Trying ignore the heat spreading over your cheeks, you shot back, “Like what?”

“Like the most…” he screwed his face up in the most adorable way as he searched for words, “like the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” As the last few words tumbled out of his mouth, he gazed at you with such a softness you almost melted right into the floor.

“Wanna get out of here?” You asked, finally giving up the game. It was pointless, really. Now, all you wanted to do was for your boyfriend to keep his promise and kiss you against a wall.

Wrapping an arm around your waist, he answered, “Absolutely.” Without looking at a single soul, the two of you began walking as quickly as you could for the exit. You and Bucky were both leaning on each other a bit, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Stepping out into the light of the hallway, you blinked as your eyes adjusted after the dark room you’d spent the last few hours in. Bucky led you until you were right in front of the elevator, and he lazily pressed the button to go up. There was tension in the air between you, like a thread that was being pulled. Biting your lip, you stared at the doors in front of you. You knew if you so much as looked at the man next to you, you’d jump him right then and there.

The shining doors slid open, and the pair of you walked in, his strong arm still around your waist. His grip wasn’t loose in any sense of the word. Bucky kept you right next to him, even as your legs wanted to drift all over the place. You pressed the button for the residential floor.

As soon as those doors slid shut, that thread of tension snapped.

Bucky whirled you to face him, then walked you backward until you were pressed against the wall of the elevator.

“I promised I’d kiss you against the wall, didn’t I?”

He didn’t even wait for a response. His mouth was on yours in an instant, lips moving together like a dance. The kiss was slow and unhurried. You tried to bring him closer, linking your hands behind his neck and pressing yourself to him. Instead of responding in kind, he unwound your arms from around him and pinned them above your head.

Oh damn.

Okay.

No complaints here.

“You’ve been teasin’ me all night just by wearing that dress, sweetheart,” he murmured in between the kisses he trailed down your jaw, “I think it’s my turn.”

“Would it change your mind knowing I only wore this dress so you could take it off?”

The heat that bloomed in those blue eyes of his was unmistakable. As the doors opened on your floor, he swept you up into his arms and began to walk purposefully to his apartment. All the while, he kept that signature cocky smirk of his you’d come to adore.

“Bucky?” You asked once he’d walked into his unit.

“That sentence was the single most attractive thing you’ve ever said,” he murmured as he set you down. Even still, he kept you pressed against him. “But nah, I’m a patient guy. I think I’ll take my time.” He followed this by resuming his slow and sensual kisses, and you couldn’t help but melt into them.

“I love you,” you whispered against his lips.

“I’ll never get tired of hearing that, doll. I love you too.”

***