#it's just a routine thing to get my birth control lmao

[creaturebloom]

i have an appointment in three hours which means i must sit silently on my bed doing nothing until then

[things-erin-likes]

I know this is wildly different from my usual art posts BUT I have wanted to make it for a long, long time, because I love sharing any knowledge that might help someone else. SO...

If you (A) don't want to spend more than 1 minute on your face routine, (B) don't want to completely change what your face structure looks like with makeup to have a consistent skin appearance and/or (C) have cystic/nodal/regular acne that just doesn't go away no matter what people tell you to do,

then I give to you:

My One Single Product 1 Minute Makeup Tutorial For People Who Don't Wear Makeup

In which I bravely show you my face to illustrate

Before and after on one of my "best" skin days:

It's very likely this is common knowledge for a lot of people BUT I wish I had known it when I was in my teens and struggling with a severe skin condition I thought would eventually go away and never did.

[TLDR: It's a concealer stick that matches your skin]

No, having a skin condition doesn't mean you need to cover it. However, that doesn't mean it can't still hurt your self image, confidence, and relationships with people who give you unsolicited comments on it (because you want to throw them out the window).

SO HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED:

A concealer stick, my preference being Covergirl's CG Smoothers. They're non-comodogenic and somehow seem to help with my acne, maybe just because covering it helps me not pick at it.

Now, I am the pastiest, whitest shade of white, so I use two shades: "Fair" for my face, which has more of a pink hue, and "Neutralizer" (wheeze) for my neck because it gets even less sun than my face, and is both paler and less pink.

You might be able to get along just fine with one tone if you don't get acne on your neck and chest or have a more even skin tone, but the most important thing is to get the shade that matches your skin tone as close as possible.

To do this, either look in a mirror in the most natural light you can find and hold up your hands and arms until you find a spot that matches your face the closest, then compare the makeup in the store to this. OR.... Just bring a little mirror with you to the store.

STEPS:

1. Start with a clean face. (Wipe your face with a wet cloth if you haven't washed your face already that day)

Optional step 2. Put on a little moisturizer if your skin dries out and flakes, like mine does. I'm allergic to my cats so I use a medicated cream in place of moisturizer lmao

3. Swipe the concealer directly onto red spots, scabs, or bumps, and rub it in with your finger making a soft halo that blends in with the rest of your skin.

...and that's it.

You don't have to do your whole face. You're only adjusting the parts that stands out so they blend in and leaving the rest alone. Some days I cover a few spots, other days it feels like my whole face.

It can't always completely everything, but it makes everything much less noticeable. The shape of scabs may still be there:

It won't cover freshly bleeding wounds well, either... But it will cover the red skin around it:

Like with any makeup, always remove it before you go to bed!!! With makeup remover or a cleanser! Cheap, unscented makeup wipes work great for me.

So yeah, I'm 30 and only just now started finally seeing improvement in my own skin because I did my own research and asked a doctor to try treatments for hormonal acne instead of all the antibiotic approaches, meaning I'm on spironolactone and thus also a mandatory birth control. But hey! It's something.

Having control over how my face looks helps my confidence and self image, like controlling how my hair or clothes look. I don't feel like I have to wear it any more than I don't have to wear my hair short, I just like it that way.

I also hope that this might be able to help guys too, or anyone else who feels like they're not "allowed" to wear makeup but still struggle with the look of their own skin, since the lack of any other product means you really don't look like you're "wearing makeup".

Anyway, long post over, time to flee 🏃‍♀️

[skunkes]

Congrats!! if u dont mind, how was it setting up for the surgery ? (Like scheduling it and exams before it)

ok I was actually very very lucky considering where I live and the usual experiences. it's different in every area! some people cant schedule the surgery until they've had a mandatory month long Thinking it Over period, some cant get it done without specific exams having been done first, etc

first of all after years of looking through this list I finally saw a single doctor listed for my city ! Doctor sterilized someone younger than me and childless, so I broke the news to my dad and made an appointment. This guy is always busy helping deliver every single baby born here so I had to wait a month to see him. (called June 3rd, scheduled for July 11th)

I have never been to a gyn before this. Only once, in highschool, across the border for a one time issue. Some people say to schedule a routine exam then bring the surgery up but I scheduled specifically for "surgery consult" -> "permanent birth control." bc im avoiding the necessary exams like the plague.

On the day of the consult i was sick with worry about the hoops id have to jump or what if he only sterilized that other person bc they had a specific medical issue so No I Can't Get It, but I saw him for less than 10 minutes total, he asked me like 2 questions about being sure, and that was it. I told him I had events at the end of Aug and Sept so he said we could do some time in first 2 weeks of august if I was ready. No gyn exams, nothing 😭 and BECAUSE he's so busy I'd likely be his first surgery of the day bc it takes him so little time (I was and it did!)

I had to make a call to the hospital to see if my insurance would cover the hospital services, while the surgery scheduler called to see if it would cover the doctor's services. On July 22 I was called to schedule my surgery, soonest available was today, August 7th! Was told pre op appointment was the 6th (yesterday) and I was sure that's where he would Get Me. like ok cheye lets do all those humiliating exams now. U can't get the surgery unless you do. but it also lasted 5 mins, he just game me the paperwork needed to register at the hospital, and let me ask him all 20 of my questions. nothing else.

Even at the hospital all I had to do the day before was Pee in Cup and Get Bloodwork Done.

finally a win for cheye... insanely grateful for this to have gone so well and so easily in my city. and grateful to keep evading things necessary for my health LMAO

I HAD QUESTIONS LIKE YOU DID THOUGH! so even though my experience probably isnt helpful, you can find the experiences of many other ppls scheduling, consults, insurance calls, and exams in this subreddit! They have lots of informational flairs/categories and ppl even make posts on things you can ask the doctor to bill the surgery as so that insurance has a better chance of covering all of it! I was OVERprepared for my consult from the info I got from here!!! I read every single experience throughout this entire time for mental prep!!!

[cdyssey]

Yellowjackets 2.06 Reactions:

TW: Cannibalism; Traumatic Birth Experiences

Coach Ben teaching Health Ed class!! This man has suffered through so much.

TAIVAN WITH THEIR DESKS SHOVED TOGETHER!! Lolololol, at Misty being the only one who is paying attention and Ben clearly not caring that no one is paying attention.

“Poppies, Jeff. Jackie likes poppies.” She says this to get people to stop whispering about them, but God, I love the intimacy of this line too—the way that Shauna knows Jackie’s favorite flower.

THIS BLUR SONG. WOW, WOW, WOW.

Lmao at Misty emptying all her pockets.

Lottie’s shocked expression when she clocks that it’s Misty for the first time. The almost immediate steeliness, the barely controlled rage. The height difference between Simone and Christina is so fucking funny. Misty is a tiny little bean.

“And I won’t call the IRS about what I assume is your routine tax evasion.” AKQKWNWKSN

Lottie gets a visible headache and asks Misty to stay a while; she possibly had a vision?

“She is the one who decided to act out by dating a cop.” SO FOUL, SHAUNA SNSNDNWNWJDNS.

“It honestly would’ve been better if you just had sex with him.” FOUL FOUL FOUL.

Baby girl is so fucked up!!! Callie and Jeff’s horrified expressions when they hear this shows us that they’re registering this, how off kilter Shauna is.

The girls desperately scrambling to figure out what they should do to help Shauna, and it’s moments like these when you remember that they’re children, and it’s awful.

Tai being right at Shauna’s head, holding her shoulders, wiping off her head, encouraging her. They make me so fucking tender.

Misty has entirely shut down.

“WILDERNESS, I HOPE SHAUNA DOESN’T DIE.” MARI WOQKOQJEWJWJRJNWJEJWNWNENWJS. YOU KEEP DIGGING YOURSELF INTO THAT PIT, GIRL. I LOVE YOU.

Tai holding Shauna’s face reassuring her over and over again that she’s not going to die.

Nat being a fail girl at rifle practice.

“I’m poison. I ruin people.” God, my heart aches for her. She genuinely believes this.

“I killed my best friend… the only person that I loved.” FUCK. 😭

Natalie and Lisa’s relationship is so, so good. The vulnerability between them, the care.

“… we did so much fucked up shit out there. And yeah, maybe it was to survive. Maybe. But I don’t think we deserved to.” GOD GOD GOD. Two things haunt me about this particular line. That second maybe—we’ve known from the start that they did things out there that weren’t solely about survival. Pit Girl. Her ritualistic consumption. But also the fact that this is the condemnation that Nat hangs on them all. None of them should have made it out of the woods alive, and maybe, just maybe, that would have been penance for what they had done.

Tai looks like a peak lesbian in Van’s clothes. <3

Van reminding Tai of her FAMILY, and Tai is just like, lmao, fuck them. It’s you and me, baby.

She is so awful. <33

“You’re married, Taissa. There’s no us anymore.” God.

Tai sees all the overdue bills in the trash can; Van is struggling.

Misty is utterly broken about Kristen. It’s easy for us to say she’s the “well-adjusted” one between all the adults because she’s been able to compartmentalize so well; she’s out there girlbossing and murdering!! But she’s just as fucked up, just as traumatized, even if she invited so much of that trauma on herself: breaking the transmission box, telling Kristen, inadvertently killing that innocent girl.

Nat appealing to Ben, the adult, Ben, the health ed teacher, for guidance, BUT HE IS A FAILURE TOO. “I just pressed play on a video.” AMQKQKKEWKKDOWKSSK

“Women have been having babies for millions of years.” 😭 Nat, I fucking love you. These girls care for each other so fucking much.

GETTING COMFORT FROM HER POCKET MOUSE. AKILAH, I LOVE YOU AMQMQDNJWNS.

Not the cult performing blood offerings in the corner. My God QNKQKQMWNRKWKWMWMWKWJREK.

POV: Ur having a baby in the woods and all the goth kids are being weird about it.

God, Lottie needs to fucking get a new psychiatrist. This lady is the worst.

Simone is such a fucking good actor.

“We did… terrible things in Its name. And I thought when we were rescued, that we left It there, but now I realize… we brought it back with us.” The subtitles are really lending an emphasis to It now. God, I need a side-by-side of all the ladies talking about the terrible things they did in the forest: Shauna talking to Callie, Natalie and Lisa, and now Lottie and the psychiatrist. The horror on all of their faces when they admit this truth aloud; for all of them, it’s almost too much to bear.

“I mean, if you’re done crying, I could tell you some stories.” QKQKKWOWJEJDJ

Ben, ur such a failure. Ily.

The antlers behind Ben in the flashback…

THE PLACENTA FUCKING COMING FIRST. AND THE VIDEO. AND TAI REMEMBERING IT’S SUPPOSED TO COME AFTERWARDS. I’M FUCKED UP.

Crystal and Misty were gonna sing a song at Shauna’s labor. Lmfao.

“You can save our baby.” LOTTIE WTF

“You’re so close to being on the other side.” The double entendre is absolutely there. Shauna is so fucking close to death.

Taissa crying because she cares so much for Shauna and she already knows, from that placenta coming first, this fucking isn’t going to end well.

“Aren’t you probably the last person who should be giving me legal advice right now?” AQQKEMFMEMS, drag her ass, Callie. (Callie and Shauna both wearing that forest green because they are so alike.)

I fucking hate Matt the Cop. Smug fucking bastard!!

Tai fucking with Van about the sorting. 😭 I love them so much.

“No, Tai. You came here for help with your life. If I need help with mine, I’ll let you know.” TELL HER, VAN. One thing I’ve really enjoyed about both Taissa storylines is that they’ve consistently portrayed her as someone who can be judgmental and hypocritical. It’s such a good character flaw for her.

Tai’s entire tone changing when she hears that it’s Lottie.

“It’s a bunch of granola losers, but the food is great, and the BO factor is surprisingly low.” QKQKFNWKOWKEQPJEN

All of these children are crying, and I’m so fucking upset. I care about all of them so goddamn much. Nat and Tai and Misty being right there for her means so much for me. That’s my core four.

Shauna is dying right in front of them.

THE SUBTITLES SAY MISTY, BUT THAT WAS JACKIE FUCKING TAYLOR’S VOICE.

The entire scene is lit differently. The baby is too big and healthy. The placenta came first. The crying is repetitive. This is a goddamn dream.

“… but no, I’d rather keep the past in the past.” / “Van, you run a video store. […] You practically live in the past.” POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK, MA’AM. YOU WERE RECENTLY CAUGHT SACRIFICING YOUR DOG IN THE BASEMENT!! YOU CHASED AFTER YOUR EX AND GAVE HER A BOOBY PEN!!!!!!

Taissa is so judgy, lmfao. Never change, girl failure.

“Don’t fuckin’ judge me because I know you’re too evolved for online dating.” GET HER!! Lauren has inhabited Van so well. Like, sometimes I can hear Liv in her delivery of lines.

“But don’t flatter yourself. It’s not because of you.” Vanlottietai triangle in the wilderness when

Natalie, ma’am, I know you have, like, seven different infections from wearing those pants for so long. SEVEN.

Lisa giving Natalie the Fourteenth Gilly, so she’s responsible for something other than herself. 😭 Sobs.

If anything fucking happens to Lisa, I will lose my shit. I love her so much.

Shauna not being able to feed the baby. I’m so fucked up. The other girls can see that starvation awaits.

JEFF PLAYING “FUCK THE POLICE” WITH THE WINDOW DOWN OUTSIDE THE POLICE STATION. I LOVE THIS MAN. HE IS THE FUNNIEST FUCKING HIMBO. ALQWKQODJKWKW

QKQOOWWKMWKDNSNS, JEFF SAYING IT TAKES A WHILE FOR SHAUNA TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. THE LOOKS TAI AND VAN GIVE EACH OTHER. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS MAN

He is such a weirdo.

Misty talking about Nat with such love and affection. Girlfriends. <33

“We’re all like this. Aren’t we?” Nat looking at Misty for the first time with sympathy in her eyes. She fundamentally sees that Misty is fucked up too.

I’m fucking crying at this baby starving.

“Your kid doesn’t like you too much, does she?” RIGHT ON THE HEELS OF THAT LAST SCENE. THAT’S SHAUNA’S GREATEST FEAR, HER CONTINUALLY BLEEDING WOUND.

Melanie Lynskey is so fucking pretty.

“You really did a number on her.” God, God, God, God. Shauna and Callie really eff me up. They were doomed from the start, from the moment that Shauna nearly died from having that first baby in the woods.

“And you do not have to be like your mom.” It’s too late, Kevyn. She already is.

“I never even wanted to be a mom. In fact… I did not sta… start out a bad person, but in case you haven’t noticed, life doesn’t tend to turn out the way you think it will. You have a kid that you… you don’t want… to save a marriage that you got into out of… guilt and-and shame. And, and you just… you can’t really let yourself love either of them. But, of course, you do. You-you love them despite yourself. You’re just incredibly bad at it.” I HAVE LITERAL TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY FACE. MELANIE GODDAMN LYNSKEY.

This isn’t Shauna lying. We know that Shauna is a piss poor fucking liar. This is the truth from the bottom of her goddamn heart. She didn’t want Callie. She had her to save a marriage that she only got into because she felt so guilty—about the woods, about Jackie, about what she and Jeff and all the girls did to her. But she loves them. She loves her husband. She loves her daughter. And she knows that she hasn’t done them their due. And this has also been a truth from the beginning. Shauna absolutely loathes herself. She self-destructs partially as a punishment that she thinks fits her endless crime.

The music shifts when she does start lying. What came before it was sincere.

“But leave my kid out of it.” SHE LOVES CALLIE.

I fucking hate this cop!!!

CALLIE SINGLE-HANDEDLY SAVING THIS ENTIRE INVESTIGATION WOQKQKWOQOKWIDJDJEJEJEJEJEJEIEKEMDJD. I FUCKING LOVE HER.

“Especially when they ask me to describe his weird ass balls.” WKQKWOQOOWIWJEJDIEJENWKIRIRIFKDKWKDIDIFIEIWKDJDJWJKSJE.

NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO HATE CALLIE SADECKI.

Lottie feeding the baby. ☠️

JEFF SPITTING HIS DRINK OUT EVERYWHERE DJWJDNDN.

Shauna’s voice break when she says “Yes” about the gun. She’s unraveling and unraveling.

“I am really worried about you. You are, like, out of control, Shauna.” / “Yeah, you think?!” And she actually cries in front of Jeff.

Jeff’s like, “Go, honey. Have a well-deserved mental health vacation with your wilderness cannibal girlfriends. 🥰” He didn’t say that, but I’m paraphrasing.

Callie and Shauna had a plan all along. :/ But Shauna screwed it up. Both of the Sadecki parents trying to reassure their daughter.

NAT TRYING TO, UM, SPARE THE FISH FROM THE COLD CRUELTIES OF THIS WORLD. GOD????

“It’s all a goddamn prison anyway.”

GOOD. THE FOURTEENTH GILLY LIVES.

I’m no fish expert, but um, is that bowl just a wee bit too small?

Shauna talking so tenderly to this baby. This episode is not going to fucking end well.

Shauna saying that she wants the moment for herself, and that’s such a core part of her ethos. This (dream) baby is hers and hers alone, someone she doesn’t have to share, someone that no one can try to control, even though they might try.

LMAO, AT SHAUNA GETTING THERE SO FAST. SHE MUST HAVE BEEN SPEEDING.

Nat has finally changed out of those goddamn leather pants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Shauna and Nat hug. Oh, God, yeah, yeah, yeah. Natalie was there for Shauna during one of her darkest times, and now they’re both in ruts again. There’s so much solemnity in the gesture, so much pain.

Taimisty joy hug. 😭

VANLOTTIE HOMOEROTIC CRY STARING!!!

THE FUCKING SYMBOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The tea was drugged. 😭 Shauna calling out for Tai and Van.

FUCKING EATING IT. I KNOW IT’S A DREAM. I KNOW. I KNOW, BUT GOD

AND THEN SHE FUCKING WAKES UP, AND THEY’RE ALL CRYING.

“We thought we lost you.” Tai holding her face. I’m fucking unwell.

I CAN’T FUCKING DO THIS. I CAN’T

SOPHIE FUCKING NÉLISSE.

“Don’t you hear him crying? Why can’t you hear him cry?”

Taissa holding Shauna and that dead baby, blood on her hands.

“Why can’t you hear him?”

This is the most upsetting goddamn television I’ve ever fucking seen in my life.

“The infants lungs will fill with air, signaled by a cry.” And at the end, it’s this line from the video documentary that comes back to haunt us all.

[orchidscurse]

it took me forever to find the skincare routine i like best and it ended up being that i only wash my face once every few days (right after i wash my hair bc my conditioner makes me break out) and i just use water & simple moisturizer/sunscreen the rest of the time. and this was after trying lots of different products & visiting a dermatologist & getting on birth control to try to stop the acne and the oily skin i used to have. idk if this is helpful but i know another person who did the same thing and it worked for them too so🤷‍♂️ feel free to ignore this tho lmao😭everyone’s skin is different <3

yeah i don't use it every day but i notice that no matter what i do i'll have breakouts once in a while and idk what causes it or what helps it 😔✊🏻 i never had acne or anything but my skin feels oily one day and dry the next sooo yeah i suffer <3 thanks for reaching out!!!

[lavenderedhoney]

Day 77 on T! 11 weeks! Been using about a third of a pack of androgel a night. So far:

Skin: been weird but not too bad! Started reacting immediately and continues to be up and down. Before T, birth control had my skin really clear and my skincare routine was literally just moisturizing after a shower. Immediately after starting T I broke out for about a week (nothing cystic but quite a bit more irritation and texture than I've had in years). Not the most convenient for me bc I have skin picking problems lol 🤪 but it's been ok! Since then my face has stabilized somewhat. I've had a couple more breakout periods but they never seem to last longer than about a week and then things go back to being relatively for 2-3 weeks or so. Cleansing at least once a day with micellar water seems to help.

I've started getting folliculitis and acne from certain things touching my face which is new - stuff like a pillowcase that hasn't been changed in maybe 7 days tops, or a mask I've worn too many times. Both of these are kind of annoying!! I used to reuse a KN95 7-8 times (airing out in between uses, obv) but recently I've been capping it at 3 or maybe 4 wears and changing my pillowcase slightly more than once a week. The micellar water helps with all this too.

Also, for the first time ever I'm getting small blemishes on my shoulders and chest. This started like 2 weeks ago. 🤔 I used to get a zit on my chest like once a year but now I've got a few. Might just have to start regularly cleansing these areas too, who knows!

Also also, sometimes the alcohol in the gel dries out the skin on my leg and that's itchy and annoying, but it's easy to combat by lotioning in the morning after I wash the gel off.

Dick: I honestly haven't been keeping close track of the size but my gf says she can actually feel it when she touches it now lmfao. An improvement for sure! Tiny dick problems. 😔 She started noticing a significant size increase at about 2 and a half weeks, and she says it's continued to get a little bit bigger since then. For the first time ever I can grind on horizontal surfaces and receive stimulation from it, which is crazy (previously mentioned tiny dick problems!!). I'm definitely a little more sensitive than I used to be but I haven't had any problems with oversensitivity when getting off!

Libido: I was SUPER horny all the time for the first few weeks, but I'm just regular, pre-T levels of horny now most days lmao.

Facial hair: I've had a couple long-ish chin hairs for years but they were SUPER fine and almost impossible to see. Now the slightly darker one is course enough to feel with my fingers, and my peach fuzz is starting to get longer too (only in my chin area so far tho). I've started trimming the longer hairs bc I'm curious to see how they grow back!

Body hair: for the literal first time ever I have visible leg hair on my thigh lmao. Before it was very, very blonde and fine, and now it's light brown and feels just a little bit fuzzier under my hands. Only on the one thigh tho, bc I've only been applying T to one side just for experiment's sake. Gonna start applying to both sides when I can get more leggings (I've been wearing a pair that I cut one leg off of to sleep in to make sure I don't get any T on my girl).

Body shape: haven't really noticed yet! Might have experienced a little bit of weight gain since my pants have been getting a tiny bit snugger in the waist, but I don't own a scale on purpose so I can't check and my weight's been inconsistent the past half year anyway! So I don't know if it's the T or just my body doing body stuff, and I also don't know if it's weight gain or just body fat moving around.

I'm having a pretty good time overall!

[aprincessofthevoid]

CW imma be talking about my weight n health n shit under the cut.

Okay so I've been scrawny as FUCK like my whole life and as I've aged its gotten better.

Recently tho, like within the last year I've had some hormonal issues, ER doc said it looked like endometriosis from the scans when I went in cus I was feverish n sweaty but also cold n my back hurt n my stomach ached n I wanted to vomit but was also fighting sleep...

I basically got to to get fucked when I asked for the next step. Cus all they had for me was birth control (which caused this cus otherwise I'd have never known, it made this shit freak out n I felt like crap only after the hormones), or just take meds for the pain. Dr fr told me I can double up on ibuprofen and acetaminophen if one or the other wasn't enough... that's what they'd got for me...

For further context this shit is as of the last scan in Jan 2024 an 8x8x9cm mass... twisting what's left of my left ovary in two diff directions, glued to my uterus and has attached itself to the lower lumbar ligament of my spine n is trying to choke out my colon... the techs I've seen have all commented its fucking massive and have asked me how I'm even upright as I must be in immense amounts of pain (ironically it doesn't hurt much which, is horrifying because apparently lack of pain with similar symptoms to endo increases the chances of this actually being cancer?

Basically fuck my life rn I'm uncomfy all the time. Gained like 30lbs since mid lockdown n it's likely from this, still within the average weight range for my height so it's not too bad. Sat at 139 currently at like 5'3" but 10lbs in like 3 months when I spent most my life unable to even maintain my weight is wild.

If anyone has tips for hormonal fixes that isn't birth control, like, foods to eat or avoid, supplements that help them (I'm not allergic to much that I know of so I'm down to try most things at least once). If there's specific low impact workout routines (because I've been away from my day job mostly working from home n that's likely not helping), my body has been freaking the fuck out since I got covid like right out the gate when it hit n I've had pots symptoms but no dx, just enough that I wanna vomit if I get a Lil too aggressive with the up n down lmao.

TL:RD My body is falling appart cus burnout, cptsd and getting covid ruined my immune system and I'm pushing 30 and just now getting outta survival mode n shit has hit the fan. Help.

[thedeliverygod]

My skincare routine

making a post about this mainly because I've had a huge improvement in acne over the past few months and I'm really happy about it and just want to share the products that helped me because I've struggled for YEARS to get it under control. I'm still not sure if my all this progress would be reversed if I were to go off of birth control because a lot of it is hormonal but bc alone has only done *so* much, you know?

All links are provided are just for your reference, I don't get any money from anything (I wish I would as I could use it but lol). Target is going to be the main source for most things as that's my preferred store but there are like 2 things that will be at Amazon. Products could be available at other retailers like Walmart, Walgreens, etc but generally Target has the best coupons and Amazon in general has best prices for things that you can only find at Ulta/Sephora otherwise.

Step 1: Cleanser

Garnier's micellar water was basically the vehicle that enabled me to get started with a skincare routine. Past cleansers I only ever used in the shower or sparsely because I hated having to wash my face in the sink, getting water/chemicals in my eyes and also everywhere else. Not to mention a lot of cleansers are really drying. Not micellar water! You just put some on a cotton pad and wipe your face and done. I've been using the mattifying one for oily/sensitive skin for a long time but I recently switched to the vitamin C version as I have some stubborn acne scars that don't want to go away. There's a variety of versions so you can find the kind that matches your needs!

Step 2: Toner

I recently got this rice based toner and I love it. It's thick, smells great & is moisturizing. Tbh I didn't realize I got a scented version but there's also a scent free version!

Step 3 for AM: Acne based treatment

Cerave Acne Control Gel is my daily acne treatment. I feel like it's more gentle than the general spot treatments you buy because you're supposed to put it all over your face but because you're using it daily it's helping to prevent new acne from forming which is a big deal. So it may feel like it's "not working/taking forever" but its working behind the scenes. Also tbh if I have really bad spots I'll use spot treatments on top of this lol.

Step 3 for PM: Acne Scar Treatment

So I got this Stubborn Marks treatment like a month ago and tbh the verdict is still out for me as to whether its really helping or not? I have old acne marks above my lip that are taking forever to go away so idk. But it feels nice and I feel like the retinol at the very least is helping with any sort of wrinkles or whatever else I have going on so lmao.

Step 4: Serum (I only use this in the AM because I feel like there's not much of a point in using it at night and because I'm trying to save product due to money even though this is only like $6)

This serum by the Ordinary helps you produce less oil so if that's a thing for you, it's a great choice. Again, The Ordinary has hella options for serums and they're all really affordable so you can find whatever fits you the best.

Step 5 for AM: Moisturizer

So I use the neutrogena hydroboost if I plan to go outside because it has sunscreen built into it. It feels like regular moisturizer but this way you don't have to worry about sunscreen too. My sister borrowed it one day and complained about the smell of the sunscreen I guess but I don't really notice it personally. If I'm being a homebody (aka most days) I use Rael barrier cream. Even though it's kind of a small jar a little goes a long way! Also to note, even though this is on Target's website it's only available for shipping for whatever reason so I also buy it on amazon a lot.

Step 5 for PM: Moisturizer

The Cosrx Snail Mucin Cream I posted about the other day; it kind legit feels like mucus but it is really refreshing lmao. But because it is kind of sticky-ish in terms of texture I only use it at night.

Bonus acne/blackhead steps:

Hydrocolloid patches are the holy grail for acne; I'm so glad they've become a thing in recent years. Honestly the brand doesn't really matter, just find the type that's best for your situation. The general patches are best for white heads but there's also some for acne that's still under the skin, etc. In my opinion, stay away from expensive brands for these; spending extra money literally makes no difference in the quality unlike other skincare products. Earlier this year I got zitsticka killa deep zit microdart patches for like $16 for 4 patches for a deep deep zit that hurt very badly and would not go away and it didn't do anything more than cheaper brands. Really the only difference was it came with like a 'prep pad' to cleanse the area.

After you've used a hydrocolloid patch and your acne has leaked out all of its gross goo, use some Hero rescue balm! Lately I've just been buying the travel size since I don't have many zits anymore but if you have more acne going on, the medium & jumbo sizes are worth the money because they last for a long time. There's also the red correct version but I only recommend it if you want a balm that's more of a like medicine and makeup in one? It starts off green but then morphs into your skin color as it sits. When you wipe it off at the end of the day it'll pretty much look like you applied makeup as well.

Tonymoly's Tako blackhead scrub stick; it's viral for a reason. I use this lil guy on my nose/the sides of it after I get out of the shower. I've also had this for forever now and it doesn't seem to be low either so lol.

Last bonus tips from me: As someone who suffers with acne, I've found the "acne focused" products are kind of the worst? Like I tried Hero's acne focused moisturizer as well as ELF's acne focused moisturizer. Hero's was like anti-bacterial which sounded great and ELF's just had more acne medicine built into the moisturizer and neither helped me. I also tried out Rael's miracle clear toner since I really liked the barrier cream but that also didn't work as well for me as tonymoly's mochi toner (which I also recommend; it's pricey but it's a giant ass bottle so it lasts forever).

Lastly & most importantly: give each new product you've never tried before at least a month. Especially when you're just starting out. Your skin has to do a "purge" which generally means things get worse before they get better which I thankfully read about before I started my process. A lot of things also just take time. Of course if you have a reaction, stop ASAP.

[vi-does-stuff]

Hope For More

alpha!Obi-Wan Kenobi x f!reader — sequel to Reach Out

Tags smut, mating cycles/in heat, post order 66, unprotected piv sex, breeding/pregnancy kink, extremely little plot aside from a luke visit lmao, no y/n

Word count 3.5k

You're settling in on Tatooine, leading a simple yet happy life with Obi-Wan as your mate. One day, he lets you properly see a certain part of his life — the main reason for him being on Tatooine in the first place — leading the two of you to decide to take your relationship another step further.

ao3

Once your heat fades, there isn’t a lot that changes on the surface in your life on Tatooine; you still get up early every morning to do your old Jedi routine; you still make biweekly trips to Anchorhead for supplies; you still take the opportunity to spar with Obi-Wan. The key difference, of course, is the new level to your relationship. When you get up early every morning, it’s in the same bed as Obi-Wan, being held in his arms. During your trips to Anchorhead, things seem slightly less tense — people can tell that you’re a mated pair, and (as unfortunate as it is that this is the case) treat you with less suspicion, and birth control is added to your shopping list. After your sparring sessions with Obi-Wan, you can hardly keep your hands off one another in a completely different way.

On the whole, you feel a certain kind of happiness that you haven’t felt in years. There are still certain things which are difficult for you both to discuss, but Obi-Wan is becoming more comfortable with opening up, and so are you. 

One day he takes you to see Luke.

You’d discussed it the night before, Obi-Wan having offered to show you where the boy and his family live so you could see how they’re doing. While you were never exactly friends with Skywalker, you know that he means a lot to Obi-Wan, and appreciate his willingness to let you into that part of his life. 

You wake up at your usual time, but for once Obi-Wan is already up and about, not having waited for you before getting out of bed. He’s sitting outside but not meditating when you find him, and you place a hand on his shoulder when you approach from behind.

“Are you alright?”

He turns to give you a soft smile. “I’m okay, thank you.”

“Still sure about today?”

“I am. You deserve to get to see him.”

You sit down next to him, and rest your head on his shoulder. “Want to meditate together? Skip the katas, and maybe spar later when we get back?” Every so often, you and Obi-Wan meditate together, allowing your Force signatures to freely mingle and using each other to ground yourselves.

“That would be nice.”

You both move so you’re sitting back to back, and you relax against Obi-Wan. There’s something you love about leaning back against him, feeling his strong back against you almost like an anchor, a more physical reminder of his presence than just the feeling of his Force signature. 

The joined meditation session leaves you feeling calm and relaxed, and it seems it helps Obi-Wan too. The slight air of off-ness that he had before is gone, and it feels as though he is in a good mood as you both prepare and eat your breakfast. 

“How far is it to travel?” you ask. 

“Not too far. Especially now that we have the speeder.” You’d brought some spare credits with you to Tatooine, and recently spent some of them on getting a relatively cheap speeder from Anchorhead, which has made travelling a lot easier. You’ve kept the eopie still — she’s useful to have for milk, with you not having a bantha — and she no doubt appreciates the extra rest she’s getting. “Probably won’t be longer than an hour or two round trip.”

The proclamation of the trip taking an hour or two confuses you when, after only twenty minutes of driving, Obi-Wan parks the speeder and leads you up a relatively steep hill. “The farm is over there. Owen — Luke’s uncle — doesn’t exactly want me to spend any time with Luke, so I try to keep my distance.” He pulls out a pair of binoculars, and looks through them to the small set of buildings in the distance for a few seconds, before handing the binoculars to you. 

You look at the house, quickly identifying the small boy running around outside. “Luke is the one running around?” you ask.

“He is,” Obi-Wan says, a tinge of almost unidentifiable sadness in his voice. You watch as he runs into the arms of a woman, who gives him a hug and says something to him that you obviously can’t make out.

“Who’s the lady he’s with?”

“Beru. His aunt; she married Anakin’s half-brother.”

You don’t say anything for a while, only handing the binoculars back to Obi-Wan so he can watch Luke for a little longer. You both wind up sitting down next to one another, taking turns to look through the binoculars until Luke disappears inside with Beru and Obi-Wan puts the binoculars away.

“Do you wish you could be the one to raise Luke instead?” you ask somewhat tentatively, not sure how Obi-Wan would respond to such a question.

He doesn’t respond immediately, but just as you’re about to apologise he speaks. “I don’t really know. Of course, it’s not as though I haven’t thought about it. Having children, I mean. And I was tempted to raise Luke and his sister as my own.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“They’d be more at risk if they were together. I have a friend who’d always wanted a daughter, and would be in a good position to raise her, and I thought Luke deserved to be with his family. And- well, if it got out that a famous Jedi General and Anakin Skywalker’s child were together, we’d be hunted down almost for certain. The bounty would be ridiculous.”

“But you’re still on Tatooine.”

Obi-Wan sighs. “I am. Just because I can’t raise Luke doesn’t mean I don’t care about him. Tatooine is a dangerous place, and… well, if he’s anything like his father then he’ll be very strong in the Force. One day, he’ll need to be trained.”

“Do you think Owen will let you?”

“Honestly… I don’t. But there will come a time when Luke has to make his own decisions, and it is only fair that he gets the chance to choose the life that his father before him lived.”

“I suppose that makes sense. It’s a shame that you can’t see him properly now, though.” You think of Obi-Wan as a father — not exactly an uncommon thought now that the two of you are mated — and your heart aches for him. “For what it’s worth, I think you’d be a really good dad, if you did raise him. Or anyone, for that matter.”

He turns to meet your gaze with a soft smile. “Thank you. That means a lot.” He pulls you into an embrace so that you’re leaning into his side, and presses a light kiss to your forehead.

“Have you ever considered…” you pause, staring straight ahead, recognising the somewhat monumental nature of the question. “Having a child of your own one day?”

To his credit, Obi-Wan’s surprise at the question is very well masked, and he doesn’t pull away. “I- well, I suppose I must have, yes.”

“Do you think you would like to?”

“If I believed they could live a good, safe life — I would like to.” He turns to face you again, a meaningful expression on his face. “What about you?”

You swallow. “I would too.”

“What do we do about this then?” he asks. 

“I- I don’t know.”

“Would you be comfortable raising a child where we are now?”

You think about it. Perhaps they wouldn’t have a life comparable with your childhood in the Temple, but you’re not in massive danger when you’re in your hut. The Inquisitors seem to have stayed away from Tatooine, and though you’d need to find a steadier stream of income to give them everything they needed, you can’t think of any particular reason why you can’t have a child with Obi-Wan. 

It helps that you really, really want a child with your mate.

“I would be if you were.”

He smiles. “It would be difficult at times. But… I think we could make it work.”

With the decision to have a child with Obi-Wan made, it feels like your relationship deepens yet further. You stop taking your birth control, and though you wouldn’t exactly describe yourselves as ‘trying’, you aren’t not trying in the same sense. You suppose that you’re essentially waiting for either of you to go into a heat or rut for anything to really happen — and it turns out you only have to wait a few weeks more in that regard. 

You had half-guessed that you’d have another heat before Obi-Wan had a proper rut of his own, given their typical infrequency, but your irregular heats — a side effect of having taken suppressants for several years — strike again. Or rather, don’t strike at all. 

You wake up one morning in Obi-Wan’s embrace, feeling him pressed hard against you. Normally, you wouldn’t bat an eye at this, but it’s the difference in his scent and Force signature which makes you pause. His alpha scent is even stronger than usual, arousal clear in the air, and kriff, his thoughts. The rut must be having an effect on his shields as his mind is wide open, displaying his every fantasy of pinning you down and fucking deep into you, again and again until his seed took. 

He’s grinding his hips against you unconsciously, and you can feel yourself getting wetter, slick beginning to pool between your thighs. “Obi-Wan?” you ask, in an attempt to wake him up. “Alpha?”

You notice him slowly regain consciousness, his grinding against you slowing (although he keeps his hips pressed against yours) as he realises what he’s doing. “Omega?” he says, voice rough from sleep, the sound of it in your ear sending a pleasant shiver down your spine. 

“Good morning,” you say quietly. “How are you feeling?”

“Excellent question,” he says with a quiet laugh. “I think you might already have an idea.”

You smile. “Maybe. I am going to go and make you some breakfast, to help keep you going.” You go to move, but Obi-Wan keeps holding you close to him, unwilling to let you go. “Honestly, alpha, I’ll be fine without you for two minutes.”

He growls softly, not exactly threateningly, but you try to release calming pheromones anyway. “I’ll come too.” It’s said quietly, but firmly; there’s no room to disagree, even if you would have preferred for him to stay in bed. 

He eventually seems to realise that he needs to release you if either of you want to be able to get up, and closely follows you into the other room as you go to make some food. You’re quickly reminded of the reason for you wanting Obi-Wan to stay in bed — the smell of strong, aroused alpha is inescapable as you try to get breakfast, and it’s beginning to have more of an effect on you. 

After turning the kettle on to make some tea, Obi-Wan turns and pushes you against the counter, pressing a forceful kiss to your lips that makes you weak at the knees. You’re grateful for his arms holding you in place as you practically collapse against him, and you can feel the evidence of his arousal hard against you as he licks into your mouth. 

“Come on, omega,” he mutters. “I could fuck you right here. Just bend you over the counter, it would be so easy, I can already smell how wet you are-”

His offer is seeming more and more tempting, but you remind yourself that your priority should definitely be having something to eat now — you’ll both be out of action for a while, and the last thing you want is a hangry alpha in rut on your hands. You push gently against Obi-Wan’s chest, trying to discourage him, although it is rather difficult to talk with the way he’s sucking at your neck, right over where he sealed you as his during your last heat. 

“Not yet, alpha,” you get out. “Soon, I promise. Don’t you want tea?”

“I want you,” he insists, but steps away nonetheless. “This tea had better be good.”

The tea is satisfactory, after all, though you don’t think Obi-Wan is paying much attention to its taste as he gulps it down as quickly as he can without scalding his mouth, switching between taking a drink from his mug and eating the toast you’d made for you both. He finishes before you, unsurprisingly, and as soon as his hands are free he pulls you even closer to him — the only way he seems to be content to eat breakfast is to do so with you sitting in his lap as you eat too — and resumes his kisses to your mating gland. 

The second you finish eating — you’re getting impatient too, now — you twist around in his lap so that you’re straddling him, and kiss him properly again. You writhe slightly in his lap, creating fiction against his erection and the feeling of it making you aware of how wet you are. The kiss leaves you breathless, and even if you couldn’t feel Obi-Wan’s desire clear in the Force and through his scent, the way he looks at you when you come apart would tell you all you need to go. 

“I’m ready, alpha,” you say. “Do you still want to fuck me?”

He laughs, the sound of it rough. “I never stop wanting to fuck you, my omega.” 

And he keeps his grip on you strong as he stands up, carrying you through to the bedroom. It’s a typical display of alpha strength, one that you both love; it makes your alpha feel powerful, and to a certain extent it makes you feel more safe, like you’re protected in his arms. Your rational brain knows that you can protect yourself, of course, but your rational brain is rarely in charge when you’ve just had Obi-Wan’s lips on yours. 

He puts you down on the bed and is immediately on top of you, caging you in his arms. He only now seems to realise that you’re still in your pyjamas, and of course that’s unacceptable, so he starts ridding you of your clothes. You help him along, and soon you’re chest to chest, the feeling of his bare skin against yours increasing your anticipation for what’s to come. 

Obi-Wan moves to pull your thighs apart, and completely without warning goes to taste your slick, licking a stripe up your cunt. The feeling of his tongue combined with his beard against his sensitive skin draws a loud moan from you, and when he pulls away, his beard looks wet with your slick. “Just wanted a taste before I fuck you,” he says. “Can you turn over for me, omega?” You oblige him, twisting over onto your front. “Now present.” The slight alpha command that he’s laced into what he says is almost definitely an accident, but you don’t care either way, arching your back immediately, baring yourself for your alpha and angling your hips up towards him so he can see how much you want him. 

“Good girl,” he says, using one hand to grip your hips while the other one puts his own cock into place by your cunt. “My perfect omega,” he adds as he sinks into you in one powerful thrust. It’s easier for him to do so than you’d have expected, especially given you’re not in a proper heat by now, but you don’t care, the two of you both moaning at the feeling of his cock sliding into you. 

During the other times that the two of you have had sex, it’s been passionate, sure, but it feels like there’s something different about it this time as Obi-Wan begins his brutal pace. There’s never quite been this need before, as even when you first got together during your heat there was still a slight element of unsureness, of newness. Now that you’ve done this quite a few times, your pre-existing comfort with one another means there’s nothing stopping your alpha taking what he needs, and kriff, does he take. 

It isn’t long before you feel like even more of a mess inside, moans thoughtlessly ripped from your mouth due to Obi-Wan’s movements. You’re grateful that your chest was already pressed against the mattress, otherwise you’d surely be collapsing against it, and it helps too that Obi-Wan is still keeping one hand tightly gripping your hip — you’re sure to feel bruised tomorrow, but you don’t care about that. His other hand is on top of one of yours, your fingers intertwined; you can see it when you look down, a reminder of how large his hands are compared to yours. 

“Kriffing hells, omega,” Obi-Wan gets out. “Feel so good-”

All you can say in response is alpha — Obi-Wan seriously limits your vocabulary sometimes — as you attempt to push back against him even further, wanting more of his length inside you, more of these addictive sensations. Your alpha’s chest is against your back, now, and he nestles his head into the crook of your shoulder. He presses kisses to the area, barely touching your mating gland — you hadn’t thought he’d be capable of such teasing while in the throes of his rut, but there you go — and it only drives you further into arousal. Especially when you feel the very beginnings of his knot swelling inside you. 

“Alpha-” you gasp, “Knot me, please.”

“You want my knot, omega? Want me to fill you up?” You gasp out another please, and Obi-Wan laughs, the sound coming out rough. “You can ask me more nicely than that, come on sweetheart.”

“Please, Obi-Wan, alpha, please knot me. I’ll do anything, just want your come inside me, please-”

Another laugh. “So desperate for my come. It’s alright, omega, I’ll fill you up. Give you my pups.” You can’t help but clench even tighter at that, and you begin to properly feel your alpha’s knot now. “Oh yes. Can’t wait to see my omega all full and pregnant with our children- really show everyone that you’re mine- kriff, you’re perfect.”

You’re reduced to a state of begging again, reminded of the other purpose of yours and Obi-Wan’s coupling today. The hand that was at your hip comes to grasp one of your breasts, teasing the nipple in the way he’s learned that you like. “These will swell too, won’t they? Full of milk for our pups — I bet you’ll taste even more perfect here.” 

His Force signature is engulfed in flaming arousal, his hips moving as surely as ever, only held back slightly by his knot beginning to catch at your entrance. It’s getting bigger now, and you can’t wait to feel him stuck deep inside you once more. 

“I love you, omega,” he says, his voice shifting slightly away from his previous tone. “So much.”

You respond with your own barely coherent declaration of love as Obi-Wan seals himself fully inside you, lightly attempting to pull out but no longer being able to.  He comes with a moan of his own, arm wrapping itself around your waist to pull you in closer to him, and he projects the way he feels so strongly across your bond that you have no choice but to come too. 

You’re both used to moving around while he’s knotted you now, and relatively easily manage to move so that you’re lying on your sides. Obi-Wan presses light kisses to your mating gland and one hand soothingly strokes up and down your side, feeling much calmer in the Force — and less intense in his scent — now that his rut isn’t having such an influence on him. 

“I like how you’re relaxing me when you’re the one in rut,” you say with a smile. 

“I’m just that good,” he says, and you can just tell by the way he sounds that he’s grinning. “How are you feeling, little one?”

“Wonderful. Tired. How are you, Obi-Wan?”

“Much better. Perfect, actually. I really am excited to raise a child with you, omega. Slightly scared, but excited.”

“What if this one doesn’t take?” you ask quietly. 

Obi-Wan presses another kiss to your mating gland. “Then we’ll keep going. Practice isn’t a hardship, after all. And- well- I hope you know that no matter what, I’m happy with you. You. You’ve made my life feel whole again.”

“Obi-Wan… Kriff, I love you.” You feel warm, and oh-so right to be here with Obi-Wan. It’s somewhat awkward given your positioning, but you just about move your head so that you can kiss your alpha properly. “At least I can say it properly, now.”

He laughs. “I certainly wasn’t complaining about the way you were saying it before.” You find yourself yawning, and Obi-Wan lightly squeezes your hip. “Maybe we can nap for a bit while my knot goes down. We’ll need our rest before I get all rut-y again.”

You smile. You weren’t expecting to feel as tired as you do right now, but you realise that you really could do with a nap. “Okay, alpha.”

Excited for the future that the two of you will have, you allow yourself to fall into a light but pleasant sleep, feeling safe and comfortable in your alpha’s embrace.

I cannot escape the alpha obi-wan brainrot atm. I hope you enjoyed it though, thank you for reading! <3

my masterlist

[yesimwriting]

Bloodroot in the Suburbs -  Prologue

a/n veryyy different than anything I’ve ever written before but the new season of You has me feeling a certain way lmao 

series summary: Bloodroots are such a strange flower--white and innocent looking yet undeniably poisonous. It has no place in the safest neighborhood in CA. Then again, neither do you. The suburbs are killing you, and no one understands that...at least you think no one does. I see that in the way you roll your eyes when your sister presses the issue of when you’re going to get back on your feet. I see that restlessness when you’re in the small plot of land that you’ve actually managed to turn into some type of garden. I see you; I understand you. And if it wasn’t for the confines I bear to protect my son, I’d let you know that. But for now, I settle for knowing that the two of us are equally trapped, and I take some solace in that. I feel bad about it, I do, considering that from what I’ve gathered you spent most of your life being considered the perfect, ideal golden girl that was nothing but potential. And now you’re no longer the gifted child, the one that’s first to raise their tiny hand in class, the one that knows everything. But that’s okay--because I’ll make my selfishness up to you. 

chapter summary: Y/n meets a neighbor, and finally gets a part time job so that her sister will leave her alone. Little does she know she just agreed to spend most of her free time in a lion’s den. 

Y/n’s POV. 

I remember a time in which my sister and I were the same. Or at least similar. A time in which we could share stories with each other and spend the entire night giggling over foolish things. A time in which we were the same. 

But that time is long gone...so far gone I even have trouble picturing it. I guess that’s what happens when you have a sister that’s almost ten years older than you. When you’re little you bend over backwards to be like them, listening to music and getting invested in shows a little too mature for your age group. But at one point, a line is crossed, and you are both in parts of your life that can’t overlap at all. 

Like how I want nothing more than to be in the part of my life that revolves around taking risks and succeeding and running a part of the world...and Sarah wants to be in the part of her life defined by motherhood. 

Don’t get me wrong. I get it--I love babies, there are days in which I see a mother cuddling a baby and think I want that. And then my phone will ring, the baby will start to fuss and I’ll mumble a genuine apology as I ignore yet another call from my editor. That will leave me grateful for the alarm on my phone that reminds me to take my birth control. Not that there’s been a concrete reason for taking my birth control since the whole Ashton situation... but it helps the cramps and I like my routine, so morning birth control alarm stays. 

And it rings at the breakfast table, earning me the slightest, hesitant side eye. Sometimes I think Sarah believes that birth control is contagious, like me taking the circular pill is impeding on her ability to conceive a child. 

“Water, y/n?” Tom doesn’t seem to hold onto that kind of thing. He’s always helpful to me, nice. I think he knows that even though Sarah and I bicker more than ever, he’s not allowed to have negative opinions about me. I know that if I had a boyfriend and he said anything about Sarah--even if it was right--I’d have his head for it. Something I’m not scared to take advantage of because...well, Tom’s rich and he has nice rich people things. 

“Yeah, Tom, I’d appreciate it. Could you also grab me one of the croissants you picked up from the french place?” 

He opens the box, eyes the last 7.50$ croissant, and he puts it on a plate--a glass one, not a paper one--and gives it to me along with a glass of water...and not regular water, cucumber water. Oh, the way the other half lives. 

“I’m surprised you’re awake for breakfast.” Sarah hums, lifting her mug of tea to her lips. I know she misses coffee, but every mommy blog says that coffee is basically uterus acid. So she drinks hormone stimulating tea now, decaffeinated and sweetened by artisanal honey. 

“I’m sorry that my life falling apart has made me a little depressed.”  

She sets her mug down. “You’re staying here, hiding from the city on one condition--a condition you agreed to.” Great, it’s not even noon yet and I’m already getting this lecture. “You can’t just wallow here. You need a life...friends...a job. All you do now is read, look at articles about you, and stand out in that garden.” 

The irony of her telling me to get a job leaves a sarcastic response wedged so thoroughly in my throat, I’m scared to take a bite of my croissant. “I could always take a page from the l/n family hand book and marry rich.” 

Tom pauses, I feel a hint of guilt for making him a casualty in a war he has nothing to do with. 

“Y/n--” 

I take a bite of the pastry, forcing it down. “Sorry, Tom--it’s not about you.” Sarah glares. “What? It’s not--Alex married super, mega, blood money rich. And mom’s latest boyfriend, he’s basically like the guy that made Apple.” 

“Speaking of mom’s rich, new boyfriend--why don’t you go stay with them?” 

“Because I’d kill their northern Europe, romance buzz--duh.” It’s easy to play off the discomfort of the fact that my mom doesn’t particularly want me right now during an argument like this. “I’ll look into getting a job. Madre Linda may be gossipy, but the one good thing about the suburbs is that they’re willing to overlook a New York, locals only scandal.” 

“Hm,” Sarah sighs, which means she’s at least somewhat appeased. “Now if I could get you to stop ignoring the calls from all those literary agents that want you to write a book.” 

I do not have the energy for this conversation. Unlike desperate-to-be-prenatal Sarah, I do drink coffee. I live off of it. But no one else here does, meaning that needing a cup of it is the perfect excuse to disappear. “I’m going to go get some coffee, maybe email some people back at the cafe and google jobs.” 

I finish the croissant, take my birth control, and disappear out the front door. Tote bag slung over my shoulder, laptop, phone, and wallet inside, I go outside the back door. It’s risky here, in the garden. I like to get lost here, the signal is terrible, which means I can pretend that everything on my phone doesn’t exist. I’ve taken to gardening because I needed a challenge, and the house that blocks the sun over this spot did make growing anything here that. I haven’t been here long enough for there to be much back here, but the seeds are starting to sprout. 

Sighing, I walk away from my labor and start moving towards the front gate. And...now the latch is stuck again. It’s always doing this, especially when I’m desperate to disappear. I swear this gate can tell when I feel trapped and it finds humor in making it worse. I pull on it, rattling the gate slightly.

“Stuck latch?” The voice comes with no warning, I almost jump. This is a neighborhood. People notice things in the suburbs. And it’s not like some creepy man is approaching me--it’s the same guy I’ve seen leave the house right next to Sarah’s. He’s a neighbor, a father, with a baby strapped to his chest. “They uh--they have a tendency to do that, something about the way the lock was manufactured.” 

“Oh,” I hope that seemed polite. I haven’t really spoken to him or his wife, but they seem like nice people. Their baby is adorable, and Sarah says that they’re courteous neighbors, always attending neighborhood functions and never being noisy, unless you count the sound of a baby crying in the night, but Sarah’s understanding of that...and maybe even a little jealous. “And here I had convinced myself that it was something personal.” 

Bad joke. Terrible, weird, illogical joke. And yet he almost smiles, the corner of his mouth turning upwards slightly. It’s here, beneath the sun that I notice that his features are worth more notation than I’d previously given him. He’s objectively attractive, with a sharp jawline and patient eyes. He’s married. Then again, just thinking someone is pleasing to look at is normal. It’s not like I’m attempting to seduce him in front of his house, with his baby attached to him in one of those harness things. Still, I drop my gaze after silence seems to enhance his appeal. 

“Even if the gate is sentient and trying to imprison you,” he steps forward, crossing the space between us, “there’s a guaranteed way to beat it.” 

He releases the hand of the baby in favor of wrapping his fingers around the top of the gate. He uses his other hand to twist the latch at an angle while tugging at the gate. It opens, the hinges just barely creaking.

 And just like that, he’s freed me. “My hero.” 

“Knight in shining armor, saving the damsel in distress from the villainous piece of metal, trapping her.” I almost laugh. 

The return of the silence uneases me because of how easy it is. “Not sure if I’d consider myself a damsel or in distress.” 

His eyes widen, the baby coos. “No I--uh--I didn’t mean it like that--”

This time I do let myself laugh. “Relax, I was just messing with you.” He exhales, easing a little too quickly. “Cruel, I know, considering the new baby must be taking so much of your energy.” I stop holding myself back, I exaggerate my expression as I finally turn my attention to the child. He’s so, so cute. I think I get why Sarah wants one so badly. “He’s so adorable, I’m sure he’s more than worth it, though.” 

“Yes, definitely worth all the lack of sleep and energy. I never really understood the whole ‘it takes a village’ thing until now. My wife and I don’t ever feel like enough.” 

“Oh, I’m sure you two are doing a wonderful job. After all, he’s healthy and smiley...and just so cute I think I’d be careful about bringing him around here or my sister might just try to snatch him up.” Another terrible joke. “Kidding--I swear, she’s just really trying for a baby and I kind of forgot not everyone knows about that--but she’d never...I mean of course she wouldn’t kidnap your baby.” Great job, y/n, the neighbors definitely won’t think you’re weird now. The longer he’s quiet, expression revealing nothing, the more nervous I feel. And then...just the slightest hint of a smug smile appears. “You’re messing with me by letting me ramble in order to get back at me, aren’t you?” 

He smiles more freely now, though there’s still reservation. “What you do to yourself without my interference is not something I can be held responsible for.” His tone is pure innocence, the ‘I’d never do anything wrong’ behind his eyes clear. “I do feel the need to thank you, though, in a town made up of momfluencers and people with multiple nannies...it’s hard to feel like enough.” 

Even though I’ve never been in his situation, I think I understand him. After all, not feeling like enough is exactly what got me in trouble in New York. “Well, I’m sure you are...though, if you’re ever in dire need for help, I’m just across the street and have absolutely nothing going on as I take refuge in my sister’s house, a fact she can’t stop reminding me of.” Once again, I’m giving too much to a stranger. “I’m actually trying to escape the gate’s prison so that I can be productive over coffee. One can only put off a temporary job search for so long.”

He’s silent for a long second before drawing his eyebrows together. “That’s a surprisingly good idea.” What? “We could use the help, if you’d like to skip out on the job search. My wife recently opened a bakery, and her mom has been helping out with child care, but I’m not sure that’s going to be working as much as it used to.” 

Oh--is he--is he saying what I think he’s saying? “Oh, no I didn’t mean you’d need to hire me. I did a lot of babysitting in high school and college, and sometimes I miss it...but I--I’d be happy to just help out, y’know. Neighbor to temporary-neighbor.”

“Oh, no, I could never leave you with this handful and not pay you something.” 

“He seems easy.” 

“Now--you should have seen him this morning when his bottle wasn’t warmed up to exactly 98.6 degrees.” 

I laugh, surprising myself by the fact that I’m actually weighing his offer. “At least let me send you some references first.” 

He hesitates, dismissal at the tip of his tongue, but I guess I look determined enough because he reaches into the back pocket of his jeans, unlocks his phone, and hands it to me. “Text your number and my wife and I will look at them, but I’m sure you’re overqualified.” Something odd settles in my stomach. I’m sure you’re overqualified. Does he know who I am? “You babysat in high school and college, I’m not sure I ever dealt with a baby before him and I’m left alone with him all the time.” 

Oh--okay, it’s fine. No one here has yet brought up my past job, though I’m sure some of the gossipy women are waiting for it. That’s why I’ve been limiting my socializing here...that and the fear of becoming trapped here. I politely laugh and text my number. 

He takes his phone back, reading the short message. Hi, this is y/n, your neighbor’s sister. “Y/n.” He says my name so softly, I’m not sure he said it for my sake. He recovers quickly, returning with a polite smile, “Hello, you.” 

“Hello to you, to...” I trail off, waiting for him to provide a name. 

“Joe,” he says, “I’m Joe--and this,” his hand moves upwards so that he can let his son’s curious hand wrap around one of his fingers, “this is Henry.” 

“Joe and Henry.” I place one hand on the gate a little awkwardly. Why does this feel strange. “It’s a pleasure, meeting you both.” 

“The pleasure’s ours.” He takes a slight step back, expression loosing some of its humor. “He um...I have to get Henry back for his nap.” 

“Of course, I’d hate to keep you.” 

He takes a more confident step away, waving once before turning towards his house. I guess technically I don’t need to go to the cafe now. Though he was probably just trying to be polite, a maybe-job could appease Sarah. Still, though, I want coffee and I want to be away from here for a little bit, so I walk down the street, closing the gate behind me. 

------

Joe’s POV

Your hero. You called me that. And I liked it. The terrible part is that...I liked it. I want to be that for you, a helper not a taker. You don’t belong in Madre Linda, surrounded by suburbia, but you have to be here right now. I read the articles, I know what you’ve been through. 

And if I play this right...maybe I can help you through this, and then you’ll leave, return to the one place I know I can never go back to. New York--what happened to Beck, that’s waiting there. So in a way, that’s good...because I know that anything we have is temporary. I will help you heal as thanks for providing me solace in this hell hole, and then my life will once again only be about being a good husband and father. 

But you’re not making it easy for me--the way you lit up for Henry, the way you so easily volunteered to help me in order to help him...and you’d do it for free. I can’t help think about what a great mom you’d be, or at the very least...a kind stepmother. Not that I could ever leave Love, not with knowing what she’s capable of. What she’d do to you if she found I was thinking of you, let alone seeing you as any type of maternal figure for her son. 

The babysitting thing isn’t something I should have offered. But it’s true, we need the help. And maybe, if Love just sees you as a neighbor...as a victim that we’re helping, because those tabloids really ripped into you, y/n, she won’t think to hurt you. Not that I’d ever let that happen, but having you close could diffuse a bomb before it starts ticking. 

Because I knew from the moment I saw you, sitting on a blanket in your sister’s backyard, an Agatha Christi in your hand, I was meant to protect you. Maybe you’re even meant to be my one, but I know that I can never find out. I have to let you go...for you, for me--for us. 

[ariesjupiter]

Mitski Birth Chart Reading

This is just my interpretation based on Mitski’s birth chart and what I know of her music. Let me know if you have any suggestions of someone I should make a post on next! If you’re interested, I offer natal chart readings, just check my pinned post!

Libra sun: In terms of basic personality and ego, Mitski is focused on creating balanced, harmonic relationships. Intimate, one-on-one relationships are a major part of her identity. Libra is ruled by venus which represents love and beauty. After all, she is known for her lyrics relating to her romantic relationships. The lyric “I love everybody because I love you” is so profoundly Libra to me. She is friendly and charming. She sees herself reflected and other people and people see themselves reflected in her (for better or worse). Venus also rules the arts and Mitski is a natural artist in every sense of the word. Her music sonically is very unique, inventive, and creative as she experiments with mixing different genres. This is influenced by her sun in the 11th house. Sun in the 11th house also indicates an emphasis on friendships and memberships of certain groups and communities. It also indicates an importance of her hopes and dreams. Her sun in 3° explains why she is such a talented writer, communicator, and lyricist. Peak libra sun culture: “Young adult romance is the shit” (a real quote from the queen herself). And let’s not forget her iconic quote from 2016: “I’m a libra so my sexuality is essentially “you can really be any gender as long as you treat me like a princes.” Truer words have never been spoken.

Capricorn moon: Despite how personal her music is, Mitski is a rather private and reserved person, particularly when it comes to expressing her emotions. Also, Capricorn is associated with the father and she has been known to be especially private regarding her dad’s career. She is serious and intense with emotions but can sometimes get detached. The emphasis is on having control over her feelings. She is ambitious and a practical person. Her emotions are connected to her career. Those who do not know her well may see her as cold. In temperament she tends to be melancholic. Emotionally mature and wise beyond her years. Straightforward and honest with her expression. She is dependable, loyal, hard working, & realistic. Emotional fulfillment is often tied to achievement and success. Her moon in the 2nd house and 2° suggests material comforts make her feel safe. With the 2nd house being associated with venus, she is able to express her emotions in an artistic way. Could be protective over material objects. Sentimental. Music has a big impact on her emotions and mood. Peak capricorn moon culture: “I didn’t really feel anything. I’ve stopped feeling things for a long time” - Mitski, The Fader Interview, 2017. In all seriousness, I hope my capricorn moons are doing good.

Virgo mercury: Mitski is practical and detail oriented when it comes to communication and matters of learning. She takes the time to choose the right words to convey her thoughts. She is clear and concise. Mercury is in its sign of rulership here. Her mercury in the 10th house suggests that she will be known for her communication style. Has a lot of thoughts but is also organized. Analytical. Mitski likes making lists. Loves to give advice. Mercury is in 16° (cancer degree) and she has a soft spoken voice. Talks about the past and her roots (cancerian themes).

Virgo venus: In love, Mitski will assume a caretaking role and will gladly help her partner finish mundane tasks and chores. A devoted and faithful lover. Love is about the mundane and routine details of life. Love is about service. Acts of service tend to be virgo venus’ main love language. She wants to help improve her partner’s life. She is patient and observant. Values love that is simple and authentic. Appreciates a partner with whom she can have intellectual conversations. May have a tendency to be too critical on herself when it comes to love. Venus rules aesthetics & style and she tends to have a modest fashion sense. Mitski has voiced her interest in astrology and how she has asked people she’s interested for their birth times lmao. Her venus is in the 11th house, she treats a lover like she would treat a friend. In fact, romantic love probably equates to platonic love in her book. She has her venus in 24° which is a pisces degree, which explains this natural interest in astrology.

Gemini mars: Could be impatient because she moves quickly. Efficient. Has a lot of goals and likes to keep busy. She thrives when she talks to others and exchanged ideas. Likes to multitask. Very versatile. Probably has a flirty, bubbly energy when she’s attracted to someone. Attracted to intellect. Desire to see things from multiple perspectives. Gemini rules the hands so she’s skilled with playing instruments and writing. Likes to try new things. Witty and humorous. Could have nervous energy or fidget often.

Leo jupiter: The planet of luck and expansion in Leo is a big indicator of fame. Her jupiter is also in the 9th house and in 7°. Jupiter in the 9th indicates being born in a different country from where you reside now. Mitski is biracial and has lived in multiple countries growing up. She loves to learn, particularly about other cultures and ways of life. She is open minded, philosophical and values freedom and being independent. She attracts good fortune when she travels (touring!) and also when she focuses on partnerships/intimate relationships (7°). Combining this energy, Mitski attracts luck when she acts dramatically, demonstrates/teaches her knowledge, expresses herself artistically, shows her warm hearted and sometimes stubborn side, & takes chances, shows her bravery, and takes the lead. Be the Cowboy is big leo energy 🤠

Capricorn saturn: Mitski is responsible, practical, goal-oriented, and cautious. With saturn in the 3rd house, she probably had to grow up quickly and become mature at a young age. Capricorn saturn people tend to be very successful people. Strong willed. Tendency to be quiet and is a good listener. Could also be outspoken. With saturn in 18° (virgo degree), she’s very hard working but she may need to learn how to take a break and let herself rest and recharge.

Capricorn uranus: This placement also indicates that she goes after her goals and is efficient and practical in achieving them. Uranus being in the 2nd house shows that she could make money from being unique and groundbreaking. 2nd house also rules the voice! Her values are unique and she could be resistant to change them. Her self esteem could be in a constant state of flux and be tied to money. Her income could rapidly change, like maybe she did not get paid much but then suddenly she starts making a lot of money. Uranus is in 5° which is a fame degree. She’s famous for being authentically herself and very much an individual in the industry that can’t be compared.

Capricorn neptune: Capricorn neptunes are most likely realists. She is skilled at going after her dreams. Her dreams are practical and connected to themes of wealth, power, and control. Neptune in 3rd house shows a dreamy, poetic way of communicating. A very creative placement. Dreamy vibes. Could be elusive in communication, open for interpretation. Neptune is in 11° so this gives aquarian energy. Idealistic with friends and always searching for ways to achieve her dreams.

Scorpio pluto: Her power lies in her ability to analayze human interactions and be introspective with herself since it’s in the 1st house. She is very self aware. Mitski understands that life is about going through changes and she welcomes the ability to grow and rebuild. She has intense, deep emotions but has control over them and how she expresses them. Pluto in 16° adds a cancerian energy. Her strength lies in her ability to nurture and be empathetic.

Scorpio rising: First impressions of Mitski can be that she’s mysterious and secretive. A powerful and intimidating presence. This explains to me why she loves dressing in black. She probably has a strong dislike for anything superficial. She likes to get to know people on a deeper level and connect with them. She likes honesty and is probably very perceptive and intuitive. Privacy is so important to her! She has a lot of layers and wants people to unpack them, but it may take her a while to open up. She is powerful and has endurance. Her presence leaves an impact on people. Loyalty and intimacy is important. She’s not afraid to talk about taboo topics or scary, heavier emotions. Passionate and even a tendency to get fixed on or obsessed with something or someone. Her rising is in 15° (gemini degree) so she’s clever, curious, and thinks quickly. a little more flexible than a regular Scorpio rising would be.

Leo midheaven: People might see her as dramatic or arrogant. In the public eye, she was meant to be a performer. At her concerts she’s known for putting on a good show & includes interpretive dance and choreography. She becomes herself more when she’s on stage. The stage is where she shines. Has a lot of pride connected to her career. Reputation for creatively expressing herself and being brave and taking risks. Wants to be admired, especially regarding her career. Her purpose is to become a leader. Mc in 22° (capricorn degree) shows that she is a very hard worker when it comes to her career. She won’t let anyone stop her when it comes to achievement and success in her field. Another indicator of being at the top of her career and being publicly recognized for it!

TLDR: Mitski is a natural born singer, performer and artist. She is unique, talented, and an introspective writer. Being earth and water dominant, she balances practicality & stability with sentimentality & raw emotion. With all of her Capricorn placements, she is grounded and doesn’t let fame get to her head. Her chart ruler is Scorpio pluto in the 1st which means that major transformations will be a big theme in her life, especially regarding herself & her identity. She is always reflecting and looking at herself on a deep level.

[k-rising]

Youngjae's birth chart analysis

DISCLAIMER: This is just a part of the analysis of the idol's natal chart, which wants to show a deeper perspective on the idols life. This analysis is carried out thanks to the data that appears in the birth chart. These are my interpretations of the signs and how they work based on my experiences with them. Everyone has different opinions and all interpretation and experiences within is valid. The point of this post is to entertain. [This analysis has been carried out with an approximate birth time given by the idol].

𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝐀𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐭

a perfectionist

always wanting to make things in a better way

has a plan for everything

approaches life in a very calculated way

observant

𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝐒𝐮𝐧 (𝟏𝐬𝐭)

responsable

youngjae is constantly doing things

nervous

detailed oriented

strong temperament

outgoing

funny

born leader

his destiny is to shine

an initiator

youngjae has a radiant personality

it's hard for him to go unnoticed

Sun conjunct Mercury

his ego and mind are in tune with each other

the way he communicates depends on his state of his ego

has great pride towards his opinions and beliefs

Sun trine Uranus

a visionary

a humanitarian

in tune with his intellect and inner genius

comfortable with being different

might hate being labeled

inventive

always looking towards the future

Sun trine Neptune

sensitive

in touch with his spiritual side

sensitive to the environment and to others

empathetic

has a a desire to help others in some way

Sun trine MC

it might be easy to gain popularity here, but he might not know what to do with it once he has it

stick to his values

very aware of how people view him and how to impress them

known for his integrity and position

noticed and respected

youngjae indeed had received a lot of awards/prizes throughout his life

𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐢𝐨 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 (𝟑𝐫𝐝)

loyal !!

doesn't allow himself to be vulnerable

it's hard to get to know him completely, since he opens up to a few people

his feelings are INTENSE

expresses his feelings well

Moon square Venus

his romantic desires and emotional needs tends to create tension

fears intimacy

can be easily used

may get into bad company

Moon square Mars

routines are boring for him

tends to act more aggressive than he really is

doesn't like showing vulnerability

he can also have little regard for others feelings

Moon sextile Jupiter

generous

wisdom is gained through emotional turmoil and enjoyment

learning, teaching, and growing comes naturally with this aspect

Moon square Uranus

youngjae will not share his feelings unless he feels like it

craves for intimacy, but once he gets it he feels uncomfortable and wants his freedom back

naturally energetic

he always wants to do something new... but once he starts something he will never finish it lmao

𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐲 (𝟏𝐬𝐭)

nervous energy

youngjae doesn't like when things seem out of control

he's good for taking care of practical things

likes when others give him credit for his intelligence

is a good organizer and planner

likes to help people

witty

logical

he likes that everything is structured and organized

youngjae may have trouble saying 'no'

analytical

can become very critical not only with others, but also of himself

has a selective mind

is always looking to be productive

curious

a know-it-all

he probably loves gossipping and knows all the tea

communication is very important for him

possesses a lot of willpower

intelligent by nature

flexible, adapts well to others

Mercury opposite Saturn

again, can be very judgmental

strongly opinionated

youngjae can be so hard on himself when he communicates

defensive

can accomplish any goal he sets for himself

becoming skilled and competent in his job will give him the security he needs

youngjae needs to stop looking for recognition from others and concentrate on proving himself his own worth

Mercury trine Uranus

open minded

a rebel

thinks outside of the box

he's ALWAYS searching new ways of doing things

has little patient

youngjae can also have sudden genius ideas

prefers learning new things by himself 

accepts others ideas

he doesn't care about what others think of his own thoughts and beliefs

gets bored easily

Mercury trine Neptune

very artistic

there's a lot that goes on in his mind, but he doesn't express all of that

can get lost in his imaginative world

Mercury sextile Pluto

attracted to secrets and mysteries

tries to understand the world through intellectual means

loves figuring out problems

Mercury trine MC

probably youngjae had already knew what he wanted to be from a very young age

career oriented

he's capable of having more than one job!

enjoys combining learning and having fun at the same time

always desperate to learn new things and new people

he might have been a good student

communicates to get out of his problems

𝐋𝐞𝐨 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬 (𝟏𝟐𝐭𝐡)

PASSIONATE

EXTREMELY caring

in love with love

wants a person who will adore and admire him

hates feeling rejected/ignored

LOVES showing his lover off

needs a lot of excitement to be happy

youngjae wants a partner he can be proud of

wants someone who's charismatic, dramatic, entertaining and bold

wants to be the center of his partner world

can get hurt in love rather easily

youngjae will find difficult to express his feelings or make himself understood

he values self-sacrifice and a giving attitude in a partner

being openly emotional and confident makes him uncomfortable

keeps his romantic needs hidden

being openly affectionate and trusting others doesn't seem safe to him at all

Venus conjunct Mars

MAGNETIC

attractive

in love with love

argumentative af

loves creating drama just to keep things exciting

Venus trine Saturn

logical in love

has good judgement when it comes to picking a partner

tries to take control of his emotions

grounded

takes love very seriously

he needs an stable relationship

relationships can be a big theme in his life

his romantic partners can teach him many lessons

youngjae needs to feel secure with his partner

he's cautious about giving his heart to other people, but once he does that, he's very devoted and loyal

frivolity is a HUGE turn off

always trying to do the right thing for the people he loves

Venus opposite Uranus

youngjae may fear commitment OR fears being alone

needs space in a relationship

attracted to unusual partners

honesty is VERY important

can get into/like the idea of being in a long distance relationship

he may hold unconventional views on relationships as well

Venus trine Pluto

doesn't like superficiality

youngjae can be drawn to intense relationships

he can seek for a long-term relationship

Venus sextile North Node

pleasant

loves bringing joy to others

with this aspect I can interpret that his mission in this life is to become a singer and do something related to art

𝐋𝐞𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 (𝟏𝟐𝐭𝐡)

youngjae doesn't like closed-minded people

has a strong sense of authority

an idealist

a little impulsive as well

takes pride in everything he does

follows his heart

stubborn

has great sense of humor

DRAMATIC

dominant with his own opinions

has a lot of physical energy

determined to succeed in everything he does

may be possessive/jealous in his relationships, but tries to hide it

he likes a partner who is reciprocal

brings lots of fun and romance to a relationship

tries to avoid confrontations

he can also act behind people's backs...

there may be a repression when it comes to exposing his anger OR he may be too aggressive

likely to attract unwanted enemies into his life

self-confidence needs to be built with this position

as youngjae grew older he became more self-confident

this position can indicate that he's likely to have very vivid dreams as well!

he can work very well on his own

Mars trine Saturn

goal oriented

good at creating plans and getting what he wants

Mars opposite Uranus

gets rebellious when people limits his actions

has an unpredictable temper

Mars opposite Neptune

he's very imaginative, yet probably he's restricting himself for not showing that side of him

there can be some contradiction between his ideals and dreams and his needs for achievement

it can be hard for him to see clearly in relationships

Mars trine Pluto

very successful

he may want a partner who can match his success/power/confidence

managing his fiery side can be an internal struggle for him

he transforms through his motivation and passion

youngjae watches, wait and then he attacks

𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐉𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫 (𝟓𝐭𝐡)

VERY devoted to his work

wants to act in big scale

reflexivefearless

this position brings luck in everything he wants to achieve

Jupiter square Saturn

he compares himself a lot :(

youngjae can be very compulsive when it comes to his work in some way

he wants to focus on achieving his goals, but it seems to be something that always pulls him back

Jupiter square North Node

youngjae wants to grow and learn his life lessons, but he tends to fall into superiority behavior a lot

he can also think he's ready or more wise than he really is

Jupiter trine Ascendant

optimistic

spontaneous

𝐀𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 (𝟖𝐭𝐡)

this position creates a sense of responsibility for himself, even if his confidence is lacking!

asserting his rights can cause him a lot of anxiety

this aspect can cause a delayed development of his ambitions

youngjae may have assumed a great responsibility from a very young age

afraid of rejection and failure :(

interpersonal trauma

he may have a long life

tends to become too isolated

he may hide his true personality for fear of prejudice

here there may be identity-related trauma

youngjae may repress his sexual desires too

may implement aggressive defense mechanisms when angry

with this position youngjae is likely to resist changes, growth and transformations

Saturn sextile Uranus

wants to be a leader

Saturn trine Pluto

again, very determinated and has a lot of willpower

Saturn opposite North Node

in this lifetime, youngjae needs to overcome his fears of failure and learning to let go of past mistakes

this aspect will make him more mature

he will indeed do it but much later in life, tho

𝐔𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐬 (𝟓𝐭𝐡)

youngjae possesses unique talents, and abilities

there's a continuous search for self-discovery

modern

he's creatively gifted and original

not afraid of challenges

youngjae often discovers new hobbies or interests

he may also like astrology, tarot and whatever is exciting

needs freedom of expression

Uranus trine MC

youngjae was born to have a unique career

he also rebels to those who challenges his path

𝐍𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐞 (𝟓𝐭𝐡)

can be extremely easy to seduce

gets into unattainable relationships

he often falls in love with someone's image rather than the real person

youngjae has to be careful of not placing romantic love on unrealistic pedestals, as well as chasing unavailable partners

in love with love

Neptune trine MC

dreamy

artistic

art is important to him

Pluto square Ascendant

he probably have experienced a lot of dark and painful experiences in his life

can appear as intimidating, strong and powerful

seeks for trust and deep connections

Pluto opposite MC

past trauma is what is driving him towards his future

there's probably a bit of self-destructive tendencies when it comes to goals or even the professional realm

power struggles or control issues can also happen in his workplace

𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚 𝐍𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐍𝐨𝐝𝐞 (𝟐𝐧𝐝)

youngjae needs to learn how to make his own money

he needs to create something of lasting value that he can leave as a legacy for future generations to admire aka music

in this lifetime, youngjae needs to allow himself to put other people needs first

needs to love others and take care of them

he needs to learn equality and be fairly

he needs to learn to be patient

cooperation and diplomacy can help him in this life

𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚 (𝟐𝐧𝐝)

wants to look good

likes spending money on venusian things such as clothes, make up, skin care products, music, etc

𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐢𝐨 (𝟑𝐫𝐝)

youngjae may have a secret meaning behind his words

can easily seduce someone’s mind

has an alluring tone

𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐢𝐨 𝐈𝐂

his friends and family may view him as an enigma

he prefers keeping his true feelings hidden

𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 (𝟒𝐭𝐡)

he may have grown mature faster than he should

𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧 (𝟓𝐭𝐡)

capable of balancing work and love

may fantasize a lot with having sex but it can be hard for him to start a romantic relationship

𝐀𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 (𝟔𝐭𝐡)

has a very innovative work style

his work ethic depends on his mood

acts upon instinct as well

when he doesn't get the reaction he expects, he starts blaming himself

𝐏𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐭

attracts sensible and empathetic people

is attracted by dreamers, wise and adaptable people

likes people who are creative and intuitive

𝐀𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 (𝟖𝐭𝐡)

closed with the public but secretly intense

can become addicted to sex

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 (𝟗𝐭𝐡)

stick to his values

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐂

youngjae is known for being very chill, but also stubborn

he has the reputation of being laid back and kinda "lazy" in a sense

always looking for stability

very grounded person

he knows how to leave a good impression

𝐆𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 (𝟏𝟎𝐭𝐡)

well educated in many topics

very chatty

youngjae knows how to keep a conventional going

his communication skills are always on point

𝐂𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 (𝟏𝟏𝐭𝐡)

takes care of his friends

considers them as a family

very protective over them

ground them down when his friend's thoughts are illogical

𝐋𝐞𝐨 (𝟏𝟐𝐭𝐡)

he feels invisible

may feel not appreciated

secretly very insecure

[ratedbangtann]

“Hey, you.” ~ JJK [18+]

↳ summary - Your friends made fun of you constantly for your crush on Jungkook. Except, you didn't have a crush on Jungkook - did you?

↳ rating - explicit/18+

↳ word count - 8.6k

↳ pairing - Jungkook x reader

↳ genre - college!au, friends to lovers

↳ warnings - TW// F2L, a little humour, passionate and rushed sex, fingering, unprotected sex (pls assume birth control! But wrap it up, guys), romantic sex, steamy and heated and generally just everything you want from college boy JK, right?

↳ a.n - what’s up, beauties! I was commissioned again! I hope you love this, I thought it was cute lmao. If you would like your own commision, or would like to leave a tip, please head to: https://ko-fi.com/ratedbangtann (I just lost my job thanks to corona so it's my only income right now lol)

**************************************************

Winter Break was supposed to be a chance to relax, to kick your feet up and enjoy the holidays; Christmas, new year… But you spent the whole three weeks studying, as always.

“You need to learn how to have some fun,” Tae had remarked more times that you were willing to count as he walked past you sat at the kitchen island of your tiny shared apartment off campus. Easy for him to say; acting majors hadn’t been given much to focus on over the break, but you? Broadcast production was a tough major, filled with coursework and studying alongside practical work.

The only days off you gave yourself had been Christmas day and New Year’s Day, and then it was back to your old routine. You and Taehyung had made Christmas cute for the two of you, whilst all your other friends had gone home for the holidays. But you were paying rent on this place, and a Christmas away from home didn’t seem like a bad idea.

But the break was over, and lectures and seminars were starting up yet again.

“______, you gave yourself absolutely no break. How are you so eager to get back to class?” Taehyung groaned as you walked onto campus together.

“Just happy to have some company that isn’t you for a change,” you teased, earning a shoulder shove from him.

“Tae! _______! Wait up!” you heard a familiar voice calling from behind you, and soon after an arm was around your shoulder and another best friend at your side.

“Hey Jimin, how was your break?” you smiled up at him, seeing that gorgeous smile beam back down at you.

“Good, but I missed my girls…” Jimin pouted at you, then reached around to ruffle Taehyung’s curls. Tae just rolled his eyes and smirked. “You see Jungkook yet?” he asked.

“No, not yet. He’ll probably roll into class at the last second, as per usual. I haven’t heard from him over the break,” Tae rambled, missing Jimin’s tone entirely.

“No, I meant… he looks different… You’ll see,” Jimin smirked. You raised a quizzical eyebrow at him, but he just winked and returned his focus onto getting to class.

In the halls of your college campus, you split from the boys and waved them off at the performing arts department – Jimin was a dance major, specifically contemporary, and often had classes adjacent to Taehyung in the studios.

Your class however was held in one of the lecture theatres right at the other side of the block, so you walked through the corridors of chattering students, waving hellos to those that you knew from class or working on projects with other majors. Jin – Jimin’s frat leader – waved sweetly to you as he stood at the water fountain surrounded by girls wanting to hear everything about his ski vacation to Italy. Quite comical, really – like the alpha of a pack at the watering hole.

He may have been a ladies’ man at first glance, but he was a real sweetheart when you got him away from the herd. All those girls, and yet he was always very respectable, never hitting on them, simply enjoying the attention and remaining chivalrous. You smiled at him and waved back, a silent promise to check in with him when lunch kicked in.

Walking into your classroom, you weren’t expecting to see Jungkook ready and waiting for you in your usual spot in the fifth row – and you had been right. As if the boy could be on time, ever. All part of his charm, you suppose. So you slipped into your seat and waited for him, no doubt the last one in as the final bell rang out. You focussed on pulling out your laptop, logging into it and opening up a document to start your note taking.

Being a little early, you had time to scroll through your college emails like you obsessively did every day. You were so engrossed in your task, you hadn’t even noticed Jungkook walking into the room until he sat beside you.

“Hey, you,” he spoke softly as he sat down, pulling his headphones out of his ears. He always greeted you that way – a running joke from the start of college. He’d taken far too long to remember your name, and so when paired up with you on the first assignment, he fell short, simply addressing you as “you” whenever you would meet in the library to work. Now, it was almost a term of affection.

“Hey Kook-“ you started as you looked up, but your eyes widened, and your jaw dropped.

It had only been three weeks…where did all that hair come from? How was he now able to tie it back into an adorable little ponytail? And why did it bloody suit him so well? And… Oh my god, were those tattoos on his fingers?

This couldn’t be the same Jungkook, surely not? Last time you had seen him, his hair was getting longer sure, but not at all able to tie up. And he most certainly didn’t have hand tattoos, or any other tattoos that you were aware of. Jimin was the only person you knew with a tattoo…

And yet, as you studied the boy beside you setting up for the lesson, it was most definitely him. The same bunny-toothed smile and innocent wide eyes; the same all-black cargo pants with a chain and oversized sweater; the same dangly chain and hoops earring along his lobe and helix. Except with his hair like this and little tattoos to match, he looked – dare you say it – sexy…

“You know, with a little bit of eyeliner and a motorcycle, you may well be on your way to joining the cast of ‘Sons of Anarchy’,” you laughed. He grinned at that.

“Are you referring to the tattoos, or the epic man-bun?” He slunk back into his seat and smirked. “It’s not just my hand, you know…” He pushed his sleeve up to proudly show the multiple tattoos on his forearm; a skull hand, a floral design with lettering, some writing that your eyes followed to read ‘rather be dead than cool’. “More up here too but I’ll show you another time.”

“Where’s my sweet innocent little Kookie gone? I’m gonna have to think of a new nickname now…” you huffed, still admiring the black ink over his skin.

“You know I always wanted tattoos, well I got a bunch of money from family this Christmas, so I thought, screw it. If not now, then when?” he shrugged. Seemed like pretty sound logic to you, and you had to admit they were pretty awesome.

“Why this one?” you pointed at the flowers.

“Ah, my birth flower, tiger lilies. Korean meaning for them is ‘please love me’, so that’s-“

“Alright class, welcome back to the second semester. Hope you all enjoyed your break, but it’s back to work!” your professor started the class with a loud announcement, silencing Kook in the process. You’d have to get him to tell you about then more later.

*****

“Oh this one is just a Nirvana quote, I liked it. Song is called Stay Away. And the Ox is my birth year, the lilies my birth flower…” Jungkook was explaining his new ink to the group in the refectory hall, perched up on the table next to where you sat, where Jimin sat marvelling at the ink with his dance major best friend, Hoseok. On your table, Jin and Taehyung were catching up on the events of their winter breaks. Well… Jin was telling Taehyung all about his ski trip, of course.

You were just absentmindedly staring at Jungkook, sat on top of the table chatting away with Jimin. His hair was half up in that cute little ponytail, with dark tendrils falling into his eyes and framing his face. It suited him well, looked so soft and silky too. He looked so different and yet exactly the same. His sweetness hadn’t changed, his sense of humour hadn’t changed. And yet something felt different, and you couldn’t put your finger on it.

Next thing you knew, fingers were being snapped in front of your face and waking you from your little daydream.

“Earth to ______…” Jin called, still snapping. “Don’t you want to hear my epic tale of heroic skiing skills?” You pushed his hand out of your face and gave him your full attention.

“You know, fantasy’s not really my genre, Jin,” you remarked, earning an overly offended response.

“You should be kinder to your elders, young one. Especially when he’s the head of the best fraternity on campus and throwing the first back to school party of the semester this Friday that he can or cannot get you barred from, young lady!” he rattled off; of course he would never exclude you from a party, and he was only joking.

“Hey!” a voice boomed behind you, deep and fast approaching. And then said voice was sitting beside you and dumping his bag on the table, wrapping an arm around your shoulders in mock protection. “You could never exclude our fraternity sweetheart. She is the soul of every omega delta gamma event.”

“Precisely. Nice try, Jin,” you winked, turning to hug the new face at the table. “Hey Joon,” you greeted as he dropped his arm from your shoulders.

“Well then pay attention to me, _______! Instead of gawking at Jungkook’s new bad-boy get up. We get it, you want him. Now back to me please!” Oh god, this again.

“Will you shut up? I do not want Jungkook,” you scathed, lowering your voice to stop him from possibly overhearing from the next table. The others at the table giggled. “What?” you asked.

“Nothing, nothing…” Joon laughed. “So skiing, Jin?” You were grateful to Namjoon for taking the heat off you, now trying too hard to look like you were only paying attention to Jin.

“Yes, skiing…” Jin sat up straight and continued his story.

*****

“Pizza or fried chicken?” Taehyung asked as he scrolled through menus on his iPad, plopping down on the couch beside you in your apartment.

“Oooor, I could just cook?” you laughed.

“No, Miss Kill-joy… It’s been a long day of falling asleep in class and listening to Jin’s skiing trip stories over and over again. We’re ordering in.”

“Fine. Pizza,” you surrendered, flipping through show after show on Netflix. “We still haven’t finished season 3 of Stranger Things yet, feeling brave enough today?” you teased. Taehyung had always been a little too easy to frighten, and it was honestly a wonder he’d made it through the first two seasons without scaring himself silly.

“Oh god.. Uh, maybe? I’m getting pretty desperate to figure out what’s happening to Billy but like, do I really wanna know?” he didn’t even look up from his phone as he spoke, focussing on adding the toppings to his make-your-own pizza.

“If you get too scared, you can spend the night in my room with me, okay? Won’t let anything happen to my Tae-Tae,” you pouted dramatically, babying him with a pinch to his cheek that had him shrinking away from you and giggling like a child. “Oh, can I get a-“

“BBQ base, and a side of chicken wings. I got you,” he smirked. Damn, he knew you too well. “Put the damn show on, I’m a grown up now. Can handle it.”

“Tough words…” you laughed, flicking through the shows to land on Stranger Things, and hitting play.

It didn’t take long for Taehyung to be shrinking into a ball against the couch and hiding half his face behind a pillow. Poor thing, he was just too sensitive. But it didn’t mean he wasn’t enjoying it. It just meant he’d be curled up against you snoring and clutching your arm all night.

An episode in, and food had arrived. You grabbed some plates and empty glasses and created yourself a little feast on the coffee table in front of you. You figured the next episode could wait until you’d had something to eat.

“So tell me,” Taehyung started, cheeks full of pizza like a hamster hoarding nuts, “how’s the insane crush on our own adorable little bunny holding up now that he sports a man-bun and an arm of ink?”

“You’re really still on this, aren’t you?” you avoided the question and all eye contact with Taehyung, dipping your pizza crust into some ranch dressing and quickly shovelling it in so you wouldn’t have to do much more talking. But still, he pressed on.

“Oh my god, stop trying to cover it up. We all see it. Only person who doesn’t is Jungkook, which is insane, considering…” he raised his eyebrows and picked up a chicken wing, leaning back into the couch. Despite his already full hamster cheeks, he took a bite of the spicy wing.

“Considering what?” you asked curiously through chewing. He took a moment to answer, raising his finger to keep you silent and waiting impatiently while he swallowed.

“Considering how obvious you are, always staring at him when he’s not looking, always looking around to find him, asking after him. You practically swoon when he walks in a room, you laugh at all of his terrible jokes, and don’t think we didn’t all see you drooling at lunch. It’s just ironic, that neither of you realise…” he chuckled to himself, taking another large bite of a pizza slice he picked up in his free hand, practically shovelling the food in.

“Neither of us? What do you mean?” you asked, confused. Tae froze on the spot, a string of cheese latched between his teeth and stuck to the end of the pizza he’d just bitten into. It stretched and broke off from the slice, dangling comically from his lips. But neither of you laughed.

He took his time reeling in the string of cheese, proceeding to take forever to chew his mouthful, clearly stalling for time before swallowing overdramatically.

“Just meant like… neither of you notice that you’re drooling over him, y’know? Yeah, that’s it.” He wouldn’t look you in the eye, quickly shovelling another mouthful of pizza in his mouth to avoid having to speak further on the matter.

“You know for an acting major, you’re a terrible liar…” you scoffed, folding your arms over your chest as you turned your whole body to face him on the couch. “What did you really mean?”

Tae sighed. He could never lie to you, not really. You knew him too well for that, spent too much time with him to know his tells. And truly, he was a really terrible liar when it came to his friends. He dropped the pizza back into the box and turned to you, wiping his mouth on his sleeve and swallowing the latest mouthful.

“I’m just saying, we all see the way you drool over Jungkook, but like… it’s more, isn’t it? You don’t just wanna screw his brains out, you’ve been falling for him since day one when he wondered into your lecture hall like a lost puppy. We all know It, ______… We talk about it all the time. And it’s just… it’s ironic ‘cause… well….” His eyes darted up to look at you, finding your expression to be a mix of both realisation and confusion in one.

And he’d be right. How on earth had it taken someone literally telling you that you liked Jungkook, to realise that, well… you bloody liked Jungkook! How far did this thing go? How deep did these feelings sit? Have they always been there? Did they grow over time? Is it just a crush or is it more than that?

But it made sense. You had always found him cute, sometimes attractive – hell, even sexy sometimes… But most girls did, he was Jeon Jungkook. Except that didn’t explain why you always wanted him around, why you always thought of him first when someone asked about your friends, why you were often caught out staring at him by the others. There was something more… Oh god, there were feelings involved.

You snapped back to reality, reminding yourself that somehow Taehyung wasn’t finished speaking…

“Wh-why is it ironic?” you stuttered, not even bothering to deny his claims any longer.

“Because to all of us it’s also painfully obvious how much he likes you too…” he said sheepishly, slowly so as not to shock you too much.

“N-no he doesn’t,” you protested weakly. He couldn’t, he’d never shown any signs.“Oh _______… yes, he does. I can’t understand how you both haven’t realised, it’s painfully obvious to all of us. Jimin said he’d asked about you the second he got back to the frat after vacation. He always talks about you. They ask him how his class went, and he’ll reply like ‘oh yeah it was good, _____ did this, _____ did that, _____ made me laugh so hard today’. It’s adorable but Jimin said he barely talks about anything else.

“Funny thing is, you stare at him when he’s not looking, and he stares at you when you’re not looking. We laugh about it all the time, it’s kinda funny to watch. I honestly don’t know how you can function alone together in class,” he laughs, shaking his head at the image of you both automatically turning your heads periodically.

“But... He…” you shook your head trying to think of excuses for him, but you were drawing a blank.

“I mean he actually told Hobi he liked you about a month ago when he was drunk. Hobi said he was crying into a bucket and whining about how he’d never have you and he just likes you soooo much between hurling,” Tae laughed at his own impression of Jungkook weeping. You couldn’t help yourself then.

You leaned forward and slapped his shoulder, followed by another slap and another, all cushioned by his hoodie and barely enough to hurt anyway, just to annoy.

“Ow, hey! HEY! What- What’s that for? Ow!” he cried dramatically as you knelt over him, slapping his arm out of pure frustration.

“YOU,” slap, “NEVER,” slap, “TOLD ME?!” you yelled. “You knew all this time I liked him, and you said NOTHING?!” you sat back on your heels running your hands through your hair totally exasperated.

“Well I assumed you knew that at least you had feelings for him, Jesus! It’s so obvious!”

“And when he said he liked me you didn’t think to bloody tell me?!” you scoffed, indignant.

“Well he was drunk, and he didn’t remember in the morning so…” Tae rubbed his arm dramatically.

You rested your elbows on your knees and buried your head in your hands. You had to figure out what to do with this information, if you should do anything at all. God, you’d been fawning over him since Freshman year. No wonder they’d teased you about it constantly in the last few months… You felt like a fool. You hadn’t even realised you were crying until the first silent tear rolled down your cheek.

Taehyung said nothing then, pulling you to lean on him with an arm around your shoulder. He rubbed your back and kissed your forehead like a good friend should, comforting without having to say a word.

“I feel stupid, Tae…” you whined into his shoulder.

“No, sweetie, I’m the stupid one. Should have said something sooner. I’m sorry…” he held you with both arms then, feeling a surge of guilt for keeping such information from his best friend.

In your head, you tried to think of any signs you might have missed, anything at all that proved what Tae was saying. And although they’d made fun of you for liking him all this time, you knew he would never, ever lie to you about something like this. Especially not with your tears soaking into his hoodie.

You needed to do something about this. You needed to say something to Jungkook, maybe to be a little (a lot) more obvious. Either way, now that you knew he liked you, you couldn’t simply sit on this information. Time had been wasted already…

*****

You were gonna do it. You were gonna tell him, that very morning, just after class let out for lunch. You’d pull him to the side, explain you wanted to talk to him. Go somewhere quiet. Tell him the truth.

At least, that had been your plan. But the second he walked in as the final bell rang that morning and sat beside you, you lost your nerve. Now suddenly, you had to deal with butterflies attacking your insides, and an inability to act natural around him. Awesome.

“Hey, you,” he smiled as he sat down beside you, as always. Only today you couldn’t muster a genuine smile back, just a nervous half smile. And he noticed. “Whoa, what’s up?” He put his hand on yours that rested in your lap and you flinched a little from him, like his had was made of hot coals. He held his hands up, staring at you with wide bunny eyes like you’d trodden on his tail.

“S-sorry, bit jumpy today I guess…” Smooth, _______. Real smooth. “Nightmare last night,” you lied.

“Oh, I’m sorry… need a hug?” he opened his arms to you and of course, you couldn’t say no to that. So you shuffled along the bench of the amphitheatre and slotted into his arms, curled up in a little ball and tensing up as soon as his arms wrapped around you and hugged you to his chest. You weren’t sure if he could tell you were tensed up or not, but to you it was painfully obvious.

“Alright class, we have assignment marks to discuss!” your professor started his talk, and Jungkook reluctantly let go of you, letting you straighten up and open your laptop to take down your notes. But he kept his eye on you the whole time, watching with concern at your sudden stiff manor around him. Had he done something wrong?

*****

“Taehyung it’s been three days and I don’t know how to act around him anymore! Help me. You did this. You fix this,” you paced in front of his little desk in the student union, where he spent Thursday afternoons working.

“Uh, this isn’t my fault. You could ha-“ You lost your cool, dramatically slamming your hands down on his desk and leaning down to be eye level with him. He shut up immediately.

“Fix. It,” you demanded.

“Okay, okay… Uh, there’s a party tomorrow right? Jin’s party? At the fraternity?” he scrambled for ideas.

“Oh no, tell me you’re not serious. No, this is like some cheesy Netflix teen movie or something,” you groaned, pushing off his desk and pacing yet again.

“Yeah well it’s the best I’ve got, okay? So just… I don’t know, ask him to dance, get him a drink, take him to one side, talk to him. If it goes wrong, blame it on the alcohol. Yes, it’s a cliché. But clichés are clichés for a reason,” he tried to convince you, and unfortunately, it was starting to work…

“If this backfires, I’m holding you solely responsible,” you warned, pointing your finger accusingly.

“Okay, yes, fine, whatever,” he shook you off, turning his attention back to the calendar of student activities that he’d been working on for this semester. “You should wear that black dress, the one with the mesh layer. He likes that one.” Just how much info did Taehyung have on Jungkook’s little crush on you?

 “Oh for god’s sake,” you rolled your eyes and grabbed your bag, stomping back to the cafeteria to find Namjoon or Jimin; anyone but your infuriating best friend.

*****

“I’m telling you, the dress was the right choice,” Tae tried to convince you as he escorted you the few blocks to the campus where the frat house was. Your arm was linked with his as if you were a couple from the 50’s on a stroll along the beach; very typical Tae.

“And how is it you know so much about which of my dresses Jungkook likes the most?” you asked suspiciously.

“Well last time you wore this was when we all met up in summer right? And we went to that club? He couldn’t take his eyes off you. He turned to me and said, ‘she looks good tonight, right?’ I just agreed and let him carry on staring while you danced with Hobi and Yoongi.”

“Oh, is Yoongi coming tonight? I miss him!” your attention was diverted to the friend who had decided college wasn’t for him, and he was going to pursue a career in DJing instead.

“Yeah he’s bringing his decks, you know how he is.” Indeed you did; always had a decent mix for any kind of party.

Turning the corner to head down the street of sororities and fraternities, you could already hear the bass from Yoongi’s speakers blaring and lights flashing in the large bay window at the front of the house. Already in full swing, then.

Inside, the whole ground floor was littered with bodies all drinking and dancing already. Looking around, you could see a few people you knew, but none of your closer friends just yet. Only Yoongi, set up with his decks in the corner of the large living room. You dragged Tae over to him first.

“Hey _____! How’s life?” he yelled over the music, putting an arm around you for a side hug and lightly bumping fists with Tae, beer in hand.

“Good, good. Seen any of the others yet?”

“Uh, Jin was setting up a keg in the other room, with the pool table in? Namjoon was with him. No idea about the others.” He took a gulp of beer, fiddling with some buttons in front of him. “Here,” he yelled, hitting the top of a bottle of beer on the edge of his mixing desk to get the cap off, handing it to you.

“Thanks! I’m gonna go find the others, say hi.”

“Alright doll, come dance later okay? I’ll play that mix I made for your birthday,” he smiled his adorable gummy smile, patting your elbow lightly and turning back to his decks, holding his headphones to his ear as he bobbed his head to the heavy bass.

Tae stuck by Yoongi’s side, catching up on lost time with him. Tae was fond of Yoongi, looked up to him like a big brother he rarely got to see. You made your way through the hordes of students into the room you expected to find Jin, and low and behold there he was feeding Namjoon from the keg. Whilst you were glad to see them, that wasn’t who you wanted to find… You wanted to find Jungkook.

“Save some for the rest, Joon!” you laughed as he held the end of the pipe.

“_____! You made it!” he cheered, hugging you with his free arm.

“Have I ever missed one of these?” you laughed, comfortably tucked under his arm and playfully hitting his chest.

“Touché,” he grinned.

“You guys seen Kookie?” you asked, trying to seem casual. The pair just smiled to each other, thinking you weren’t in on the joke still.

“Kitchen, I think. But have a drink with us first, he’s gonna be around somewhere. Pay attention to us,” Jin whined, clearly making fun of you again. You didn’t even argue, taking a few gulps of the beer Yoongi had handed to you. You chatted to them for a while, joining in with the chants and cheers of people brave enough to do keg stands with Jin, at least until your drink was empty, and you had an excuse to leave and find Jungkook.

The kitchen had people in too, same as every other room and the room was only lit by the flashing lights of the living room. You spotted Jungkook on the other side of the room, leaning against the worktop with a beer in one hand and his phone in the other. He was alone, a perfect opportunity to get him out into the yard, or somewhere quieter at least.

He looked so good tonight… Wet look black jeans clinging to his muscular thighs, a black shirt with red dots all over tucked into them, a few buttons undone. Necklaces dangling against the exposed skin at the top of his chest, hair down and flowing freely, showing off just how long it really had become. And his sleeves were short, showing off his new ink properly for the first time… There was no denying the attraction you felt to him anymore, that was for sure.

The same butterflies you’d been feeling around him all week were rising, frantically fluttering against your stomach as heat rose to your cheeks. You hadn’t even noticed you yet, but you could feel your hands getting sweatier.

But you could do this. It was Jungkook. Even if he really didn’t feel the same way, he would never be cruel about it, never laugh at you or yell at you. You had nothing to be afraid of. It would hurt if he didn’t want you, but your friendship would survive; you knew it.

He briefly looked up from his phone, eyes finding you. Immediately, his body stood upright, sending you an awkward smile; that was your fault. You’d been acting weird all week, ever since your epiphany with Taehyung. But you smiled back, trying to look as natural as possible.

You lifted your empty beer bottle and mouthed ‘want one?’ at him, to which he nodded. You smiled and headed to the large fridge freezer, picking out two bottles for the both of you, but when you turned back, you almost dropped them both to the ground…

A girl had wondered up to Jungkook, a prettier, popular girl from one of the sororities. She’d snatched his attention away, playfully touching his hair and tracing his tattoos with her delicate fingers. She leaned into him, her lips devilishly close to his ear. She was clearly whispering something flirty to him, his eyes widening a little and his cheeks turning pink. And then she started to nibble at his earlobe…

You caught his gaze again for a second, and his eyes widened even more. Could he see the shock on your face? The tears brimming in your eyes and blurring your vision? Could he see your knuckles turning white against the necks of the bottles in your hands?

You couldn’t watch any more, putting the bottles down on the kitchen island in front of you and hastily exiting the kitchen with hot tears starting to spill. You were gonna do it, you really were. But who were you kidding? The sight of another pretty girl, a prettier girl, was all it took to divert his attention. Tae had been wrong; he must have been.

You didn’t feel much like partying anymore…

Without stopping, you walked straight to the front door and out onto the street, disappearing from the party without so much as a wave to any of the others. You hadn’t even seen Jimin or Hoseok yet, but you didn’t care. You needed to get out, to go home. To be alone and sob to your heart’s content.

The air outside was cold, biting at your skin as you stumbled the few blocks home, wiping your cheeks and trying to hold it together until you were safely in the confides of your own home. It didn’t take long, and before you knew it you were stumbling up the stairs in your ankle boots and struggling to fit the key in the door.

You shut it behind you and leaned against it, hitting your head on the wood and freely letting the tears and the sobs rattle through you. How stupid you felt, how naïve… You just got used to the idea you had feelings for him, how dare the universe now give you heartbreak just a few days later. What kind of bullshit karma crap was that?!

You let yourself sob against the door for a moment as you found some composure, enough to realise you just wanted to get into some comfy sweats and a hoodie and eat whatever crap you could find in your refrigerator. You didn’t stop the tears but took a few steps further into your apartment, when some loud knocks rang out on the door behind you.

You jumped a little, startled by the noise and furiously started wiping the tears away. Taehyung must have seen you leave, must have followed you home to comfort you knowing that it hadn’t gone well with Jungkook. He’d feel so awful, probably blame himself for getting your hopes up or something. But he’d have the warm hugs you needed right now.

But then, Taehyung lived here. Why would he be knocking?

You stepped towards the door and opened it slightly, peaking through the crack so see who had been rasping on the wood moments before.

As if the world was playing some sick joke on you, Jungkook was stood there, his face looking sad and his fingers fiddling with each other.

What you hadn’t seen, was the way he stopped that girl at the party as soon as he saw the look on your face, as soon as he saw you dump the beers and turn. He saw the look on your face, and suddenly it had all clicked into place for him. You liked him too. And his heart had dropped into his stomach. He tried to follow you, getting stuck behind a couple of the jocks from the neighbouring frat house, and tailing behind you trying to shout your name over the heavy bass of Yoongi’s mix.

The second he saw your reddened eyes he stepped forward, pushing his way into the apartment, giving the door a kick shut behind him and cupping your jaw in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe your tears away. He smiled weakly at you, already aware that it was his fault you were crying, his fault you had left.

“Hey, you,” he said softly, his tone so affectionate, so worried and full of care as he looked into your eyes. They brimmed again at his words; they just sounded so sweet coming from him, like you were the only person in the whole world he’d want to say hello to at all.

But you stood frozen, biting down on your lip to stop a sob from erupting from your throat. All you could do was look up at him, his hands holding your face up towards him as his thumbs stroked over your cheeks. His eyes were searching yours in the silence, like he was trying to find confirmation or a sign or something, but you just weren’t sure.

But before you could even try to compose yourself enough to speak, he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours so softly, so cautiously, lingering for a second and waiting for you to push him away, to slap him or scream at him for getting the wrong idea – but he hadn’t and you both knew that.

So when he parted from your lips and looked back down at you, he saw your small smile, the tears spilling yet again, the deep breaths you were taking. In such close proximity, he could practically hear your heart threatening to beat out of your chest and feel the way your cheeks had heated up under his hands.

And he couldn’t deny himself anymore.

He leaned in again, this time with more purpose, more aggression, his lips crashing with yours only this time you were ready for him, matching his desperation, his urgency. Your hands gripped his shirt, pulling him closer. You couldn’t seem to get close enough, not even when your chest pressed against his.

Finally, after months of unrecognised feelings towards him, Jungkook was here and he wanted you. You didn’t care about anything else, couldn’t focus on anything else but the way his lips felt against yours, the way his hair felt silky soft brushing up against your forehead.

His hands slid into your hair, fingertips grazing over your scalp and adding a layer of bliss to the way he kissed you. One of your hands slip up his chest and wrapped around his neck to draw him in even more. He groaned against your lips, and if the stirring in your chest was anything to go by, you knew where you wanted this to go.

You just wanted him.

Without disconnecting your kiss, you stumbled backwards, dragging him with you through the hall of your small apartment. You stumbled together, your back hitting your bedroom door as his hand flew out to turn the doorknob for you. The pair of you shuffled into your room, Jungkook kicking the door shut once again.

His hands dropped from your hair and flew to his shirt buttons, hastily undoing them one by one as you took the opportunity to separate from your kiss to undo the zip at the side of your dress and shuffle out of the mesh over-layer and the straps of the black dress underneath. You pushed it down around your waist, breasts still hidden from view by the black bra you’d worn that evening.

Jungkook flung the shirt from his body, immediately stepping towards you again to grip your bare waist in his hands and reconnect your lips fiercely. Both your arms wrapped around his neck and you pulled him towards you as you stepped further and further back, until the backs of your knees hit your bed and you tumbled backwards with him still locked on your kiss.

Everything was happening fast, everything was heated and desperate but after so long denying your feelings for him – and unbeknownst to you, him denying his feelings for you too – you felt like there was just no time to waste.

His lips found their way to your jawline, kissing and nipping at the skin from under your ear down to your chin, and continuing down your throat. He took his time, his hands working through your hair again as you moaned under his assault on your neck. It felt so good – he felt so good. You couldn’t help your hands reaching between you both to unbuckle the belt holding his jeans up, making light work of the button and zipper soon after. You could already feel the large bulge formed in the now open crotch of his jeans, and it stirred a heat between your legs that had already been steadily building.

Jungkook’s lips travelled further down, between the valley of your breasts to mouth and bite and suckle at the fullness on display above the cup of your bra. He reached underneath you to unclasp it, while you worked the straps down and threw it to one side. His mouth immediately latched onto your nipple, his hand massaging the other as he tweaked and flicked the nub over and over again.

Your moans sounded obscene, breathy and whiny under the pleasure he was giving you. You couldn’t help the way your hips rolled up to grind against the prominent bulge you’d uncovered earlier; you needed some kind of friction now that the uncomfortable sticky feeling in your panties was only worsening.

No words were exchanged at all – and certainly no time wasted on teasing you – as the hand on your breast slid between you both and pulled the remnants of the mesh dress and the tight underdress down, both of you kicking it off to let it land in a pile at the bottom of the bed. His waist slotted neatly between your thighs and his hand cupped your sex, middle finger toying with the wet lace of the underwear you had on.

“Oh, Jungkook…” you whined, breathless and lost in the bliss of both his mouth working your breasts and his hand dipping past the lace to swirl around your throbbing clit. Hearing you whine his name was something he’d admit to only dreaming about in the past, his brain daring him to think of all the things he wanted to do with you, all the ways he could make you create that exact sound for him over and over again. It was music to his ears.

It only seemed to rile him up further, fingers moving faster and expertly toying with your clit just a little more, until he slid them down to circle your entrance and slowly push two inside you. The stretch felt magnificent, and by this stage you were already turned on enough to be able to take both with no issues.

Jungkook groaned against your breast, a wave of arousal pulsing through his veins at the way you felt on his fingers, imagining with absolute clarity just how you’d feel on his cock too. He curled his fingers and hit your g-spot with each downward stroke of his hand, having you thread your hands in his hair in desperation to grip onto something, anything.

“P-please, Kookie… Need you,” you panted, begging to feel him completely, to be totally immersed in the pleasure of him and him alone. How could he deny you of that?

He sat up on his knees immediately, pushing his jeans and boxers down to his knees and swivelling his hips to sit enough to push them off along with his black Chelsea boots. You kicked your shoes off as he did, shuffling yourself out of your panties and leaving you both totally exposed to each other.

He took a moment to turn his head back to you, to look into your eyes properly and just admire how you looked right now. Your hair was messed up, matted to your forehead with sweat much like his was. You had dark rims under your eyes where your make up had pooled from your tears and streaks in your foundation to match. Your neck was red and in places, a little bruised from his own handiwork. And he had never, ever thought you looked so beautiful.

His expression twisted into a smile, his eyes squinting and his bunny teeth gleaming in the low light of the street coming in through the window. It was all you could do to smile back, resting on your hands as he slowly crept up the bed towards you, the happiness exuding from both of you, the knowing relief you shared with each other. You parted your legs for him to slot between, letting him hover over you and slowly lean in for another deep kiss.

You lay back down, Jungkook following to never once break your connection. His hands roamed from your thighs up to your waist, holding onto you as your lips moving in perfect unison, slower than before but still incredibly heated. You’d never been kissed like this, never been held like this or touched like this. He was making every single touch count.

You rolled your hips up against him again – a sure signal that you were ready, you wanted him – and felt his rigid length brush against your folds. Reaching between you both, Jungkook gripped himself at the base and slowly, began to push inside you. Your kiss separated just barely for him to groan in absolute gratification, lips just barely grazing yours. He pressed his forehead with yours and shut his eyes, revelling in the way you felt.

There was no denying his girth, and yet still there was no pain or discomfort to be felt. He eased himself in slowly, gave you a chance to adjust, and as soon as you started to kiss him once again his hips began to rock.

His hair fell into his eyes, descending past his ears and doused in a light layer of sweat from the heat inside your small bedroom. The pendants and necklaces he had worn that night dangled above you, swaying backwards and forward with each thrust he made. His freshly healed tattoos were now on full display to you, and you could help but to reach out and touch them.

Each thrust just felt like it was meant to be, like he was supposed to fill you this way, you were supposed to fit together like pieces of a jigsaw. You reached up to tuck his hair behind his ear, showing more of his face to you. In the dim streetlight, he looked so perfect, so absolutely stunning as he clearly became consumed by nothing other than you. You placed a hand flat against his chest, wrapping the other around his neck and bringing his lips closer to you so you could reach up for them again.

As your bodies writhed against each other, moan after moan escaping you both and being muffled by intermittent kisses, you knew right then that this was exactly how it should be. You loved him. And he loved you.

“K-Kookie?” you stuttered your voice a higher pitch than usual. His thrusts were become more dynamic with every passing second, and yet never speeding past a pleasurable roll of his hips. He struggled to open his eyes and tear himself about from his paradise, but he did so, looking down into your eyes.

“Y-yeah, baby?” he huffed, his breath laboured and voice stifling another groan. He pressed his forehead to yours for stability, keeping his hazy eyes on yours.

“I… I love you, Kookie…” you cried against his lips, another tear escaping down the side of you face. He smiled then; an out of breath, exhausted and relieved kind of smile as he continued to roll his hips into you, having you whimpering as your bit down on your lip.

“I love you too, ____…” he grinned, his eyes fluttering closed, “Oh, fuck, I love you so much.”

You threaded your hands in his hair again, bringing his lips up to yours and colliding them in potentially the most passionate kiss of your damn life, moans and whimpers included. His hand slid between you, fingertips concentrating on coaxing a delightful and euphoric orgasm out of you with targeted strokes to your clit.

With a new level of ungodly satisfaction, you couldn’t control your lips anymore and broke the kiss, just holding him close to you with parted lips and moaning wantonly as your eyes rolled back. You’d never felt an orgasm approach so fast in all your life, never felt it hit you the way this did.

Your legs spasmed and shook in his grasp, hands tightening in his hair. Your moans caught in your throat, unable to move while every muscle contracted. You couldn’t be sure of it in the moment, but Jungkook sure noticed the way you clenched and gushed around him as you came. And with each contraction dragging against his length inside you and you finally delivering a loud and high pitched moan, you brought him to his edge too.

His hips slowed and stuttered as hot spurts of cum painted your walls, more than he ever had before. He tried to keep rolling his hips, to get every last bit of pleasure he could before exhaustion took over and he collapsed next to you, head buried in the crook of your neck and chest half laying on you.

Both of you were utterly drained of energy, breaths heavy and hot against the other’s bare skin. It felt incredible. It felt perfect. It felt just as it should.

It could have been minutes, or it could have been hours that passed by, both of you simply becoming comfortable laying in a heap of sweaty nudity – you simply didn’t care. You had Jungkook now, right here with you. And he loved you.

You weren’t sure of the time, nor did you mind, but the two of you fell asleep laid together that night. Jungkook had rolled onto his back, dragging you onto his chest and pulling the messy sheet up to cover you both. With one final drawn out kiss, the pair of you lay in peaceful contentment and drifted off.

*****

Next morning, you awoke to the sun streaming directly into your eyes; you hadn’t closed the drapes last night. Your groaned and turned away from it, stretching your limbs out onto the rest of the empty bed, and- wait, empty? No, no… Had you… had you dreamt your night with Jungkook? Had he left without a word? Did he regret what had happened?

You sat upright, clutching the sheets to your chest. You were still nude, your clothes still strewn about the place; but Jungkook’s were gone.

He must have just decided to leave.

A knock on your bedroom door drew your attention away from your sadness, and a rather smug looking Taehyung wondered in before you had the chance to turn him away. He sat at the end of your bed with his arms folded and a smile you grimaced at in disgust.

“Mooooooornin’,” he teased. You wanted to kick him off the bed.

“Shut up,” you groaned.

“See? Told you he liked you! Can’t tell me that that wasn’t Jungkook I saw you naked-cuddling with when I got in last night,” he wiggled his eyebrows.

“Yeah, well I hope he had fun. He’s done a runner this morning,” you accused. Taehyung was about to object, when a key jingling by your front door sounded, the door opened and closed, and footsteps drew closer down the hallway. And then who should come into view, but none other than Jeon Jungkook sporting the outfit he had on last night and brandishing a brown paper bag with some rather ominous grease stains on, and two hot coffees in a holder. He must have stolen one of your hair ties, because most of his locks were back in a bun again save for the front pieces parted in the middle.

His face looked a picture; the deer in headlights cliché. His wide eyes darted between you and Tae, and all Tae did was smirk at you.

“Go away, Taehyung,” you flatlined, shooing him with a foot to his leg. He held his hands up in defeat and stood, walking past Jungkook and out into the hall.

Jungkook snapped out of his shock and confusion to put the coffees on your nightstand and the bag next to it. He sat down on the edge, turning slightly to face you.

“Hey, you,” he smiled, his eyes soft and adoring. He tucked a strand of your bed hair behind your ear, leaning forward to place a kiss to your forehead. You tucked your knees to your chest and smiled shyly.

“Thought you’d done a runner,” you joked.

“Could never do that to you. Just wanted to get you breakfast in bed; least I can do for making you think I was flirting with one of the sorority girls.”

“Oh, no it’s okay… I just…. Yeah, I don’t know,” you laughed at yourself, feeling pretty stupid for not even giving him a chance to push her away before you jumped to conclusions.

“Hey,” he said softly, shuffling closer to you. “I, uh… I haven’t even looked at another girl since I met you, _____. Never wanted to, I never noticed anyone but you…” he confessed, shyly looking down at a spec of fluff on your sheets.

“I can’t believe I had no idea… I didn’t even realise I liked you like that until Taehyung kinda let it slip…” you chuckled, fiddling with the ends of his hair dangling in his eyes.

“You’re welcome!” you heard Tae shout from the kitchen, clearly eavesdropping with your door still wide open. Jungkook stood up to shut it, just a little harder than average in response to Tae’s mischievous meddling and then came and sat back down beside you.

“Well, we have some lost time to make up for, then,” he smiled, leaning in for a gentle and purely loving kiss, lingering a few moments, just enjoying finally having each other. You pulled apart with a shy giggle. “But first, breakfast!” He leaned over to pick up the bag, unpacking the bagels and hash browns he’d picked up from the diner around the corner.

You watched him, just how cute and attentive he was being with you. He was the same Jungkook, always had been this way with you. But now, you knew why, and it all made sense. It all fit together.

“Yes, breakfast.”

[lovelypersona]

I love your fics!....Please could you do a small fic/ with a pregnant s/o with Goro ,Ryuji and Akira ? Like how each of them would treat their s/o when their s/o is pregnant.

A/N: laughs . Reader is GN!

Goro and Pregnant!S/O

Like father like son. Deadbeat dad. Disappears after a week once he said he was gonna get milk from the store

I’m only mildly joking

No, goro would not abandon you or his baby. But he would be the most scared out of the three to receive the news

Please don’t get pregnant until many many years after the main plot where Goro has had the chance to receive therapy

Goro would need a lot of time to get used to the idea of him being a father in the near-future. So, no, he wouldn’t disappear and leave you, but the first few months where you can still do most things on your own and you don’t need to rely on him as much- he’s sort of flighty. Wouldn’t be unusual for him to take off during the weekend, but he’d at least tell you where he’s going and text you when he’s coming back

Just needs a lot of coping and alone time. And then eventually he’ll kick himself in the balls or ask someone to kick him in the balls since he can’t really do it himself

And then he’ll step up and be there for you.

Once he’s ready, he’ll be studying a lot. Reading all the pregnancy books he can and looking at things like the diet you should have and the amount of exercise you should be doing each day and week

If you really want to be a parent with him, and you want to do all of this with him, be prepared for him to be stern and unrelenting. He’s already 80% sure the baby will be mentally fucked up thanks to him so he at least wants the baby to be 100% physically healthy to prepare for that

Of course he can’t actually control the outcome of the birth and how the baby will be. But he likes to think he can

A very protective dad as well. When you’re in labor he definitely doesn’t like the amount of pain you’re in and he’s kind of like “WHY ARE THEY SCREAMING SO MUCH”

Goro you are also screaming. Calm down

But also seeing you in so much pain and all the blood and just all of it during your labor is very uncomfortable for him. He might have to leave the room a few times to catch his breath, but then he’ll come back in and back to your side, holding your hand just as hard as you’re holding his.

I’d talk more on this topic but I have to write for the others so I’m done now

Akira and Pregnant!S/O

When he finds out you’re pregnant, it’s definitely a shocker, but he doesn’t really express it visibly. Kinda just goes still, eventually says “oh. Alright. What do you need?”

Not even sure if he wants to be a dad and if he’s ready, but he’s willing to help you if you need him!

Bad. Smack him. Bad response

Like Akechi, but not at all to a similar extent, he’ll need time to process the information and mull it over. Not because he’s afraid, but because Akira has to assess what he wants

Akira is a people pleaser, a man with many masks. He’s lost sight of himself more than once because at times he’s not even sure who he really is

His wobbling grasp on his own self makes him uncomfortable and doubtful about his ability to be a parent. He’s not sure if he’s the best parental figure for a child

Despite that, though, he loves you, and he wants to help you. He’ll help you throughout the entire pregnancy and either move in with you/have you move in with him.

Your relationship is a bit strained because of the fact that Akira has no idea what he wants, but the two of you make it work and decide not to talk about it for now and just focus on the task at hand. The pregnancy

It’s during the pregnancy that Akira loosens up and slowly gets more comfortable. As your belly grows and the baby starts kicking, it kind of makes him realize twice-over that you really are carrying a kid that’s half-you and half-him

Huh. Funny how that works

Falls asleep with his head on your belly a lot. Hearing the baby is kind of soothing to him

He also tries to participate in your routines and diets as much as he can. But when you’re not looking or he’s out of the house, he’ll drink as much coffee as he possibly can. It’s the one thing he’s lied to you about. He told you he quit coffee for you but it was a lie a bold face LIE

Once the baby is born, that’s the last straw. After being through the terrifying event that is your labor, and hearing the baby cry for the first time, he’s like “oh. That’s my kid. That’s my kid”

Protective dad instincts all of the sudden and doesn’t like the doctors holding his kid at all

He’ll be a fine parent. Akira just doubts himself a lot, but being with you, you’ll help him and you’ll raise your child together.

Proposes to you like 6 months after your baby is born

Ryuji and Pregnant!S/O

You both absolutely got pregnant during your last year of high school wdym lol

Irresponsible SHIT of course he becomes a dad at the ripe age of 19

You tell him about your pregnancy right away, and when you do, he’s definitely in shock as much as you are

Freaks out a lot and yells very loudly and has a meltdown because he’s not at all ready to be a dad and you’re right there with him

Both of you seriously consider giving the baby up or something like that. But eventually you’ll agree to raising the child together

Probably puts a halt on Ryuji’s running career, but that’s fine. You and his new family is much more important to him than his love for athletics

Eventually he’ll get back into it, because you promised him that he would. You also want to see him thrive and you know that track is his passion. But for now, focus on the baby

Because of his knowledge of athletics, though, you’ve officially scored yourself a supportive trainer during your pregnancy! You WILL be walking at least a mile every day. At Least

Ryuji isn’t as fucked up as Akira and Akechi okay lmao he’s very sweet and loving

He also tries to get a handle on his yelling and swearing while you’re pregnant because he doesn’t want to have those habits once the baby is born

His mother is also very supportive and willing to have you live in her house once you become bigger and the baby is born

Ryuji will also start working more seriously to save up money so the two of you can live at your own place eventually, too

Just a lot of part-time jobs, but it’s better than nothing

Also never allows alcohol in the house and says once the baby is born, you can drink if you want, but just don’t do it in the house with the baby around for the sake of his comfort

Not that he doesn’t trust you, it’s just a comfort thing.

He also immediately told all of the thieves that he’s going to be a dad and he was immediately bombarded with shouting and questioning- especially from makoto- but BESIDES the initial reaction, he has all the support in the world from his friends and you guys get a lot of baby clothes and essentials from them. Mainly haru, bc she’s loaded and she loves you and Ryuji very much

Akira is officially the Uncle and Ann is the Aunt. No further questions

[howdoyousleep3]

DUde, can you pls share some of your skincare tips or products you use that you love?? 🧡 also TREAT YOURSELF!

I have been waiting for this moment. 

I’m going to put this under the “read more” bar because I want to pop off and I’m sure people are going to be like “wtf is this where are the daddies”, hahaha. 

Okay so a preface. I have combination acne prone skin. When I was a teenager my skin was in such bad condition, I had such awful acne. I had to eventually go on a medication for it. I only started to have success when I got on birth control and about a year ago after learning about my skin more. Even with me learning about my skin...I am no professional lmao. This is just what has worked for me.  

Okay so things I deal with: acne prone skin, hormonal breakouts, dark spots, undereye bags, and texture. 

These are the products I use and the routine I go through each day...

Morning

I tend to just splash my face with water in the morning, I don’t wash it. If I do wash it (which I probably should more) I use this face wash by Cera Ve. I like it because it keeps my face soft and it isn’t harsh. 

I then use a hydrating serum. My skin can get very dry in the winter and this was an extra step that I enjoyed. I’ll probably stop this step in the summer but I recently started only using this serum instead of a moisturizer. Idk! Up to you. I use this one by First Aid Beauty. Anything by this brand is so nice to your skin. 

Then I use a moisturizer. I have been using this one by Glossier but it recently started like...pilling on my skin and I hate that so I bought this one by Freck yesterday with high hopes. The Glossier one was real good to me for a while! 

Shower/Night

In the shower I wash my face using my face wash. 

When I get out of the shower I use this toner by Mario Badescu and feel the burn in the best way. This probably transformed my skin the most within the past few months. My skin isn’t as dull and my dark spots aren’t as pronounced. 

After that dries I use this moisturizer by Marc Jacobs and it is my current favorite, I’m obsessed. It leaves my skin so soft and it has helped with my texture so much. I prefer a gel creme over a lotion because of my oily t-zone.

I then use this eye cream by Tarte, which...I don’t have anything to say about it really. I’m not sure it has done anything lol. But I also started using this serum by The Ordinary and I like it! I’ve noticed a difference in the color and size of my eye bags.

Self-Care Sunday 😎

Set the stage for yourself, bb. I have my difuser, I lay all my shit out, I get music going, I take my time, I drink my coffee. This is your time!

I wash my face with normal face wash. I sometimes use an exfoliant but on this day I stick with the original. 

After the shower and when my face is dry I use this enzyme scrub by Huda Beauty. Y’all. It literally sloughs off your skin and leaves it visibly cleaner and it feels so soft. Like your dead skin will just rub off onto your hands. It’s the best thing ever. And this one tube has lasted me a year.

Once my face is dry and I’ve cleaned all that off, I move to a mask, either a sheet mask or other. I like this one from Huda (but will use whatever I have) and I like the Bliss line of face masks. 

After that I use my serums! The Ordinary eye one and then I use either this one or this one, both from Bliss. I use my little roller to put these on. I’m not sure if it does anything but I like how it makes me feel, haha. 

And then I use a moisturizer! My Marc Jacobs one and for my lips my all-time favorite lip balm is this one by Glossier, mint or nothin’.

The one thing that I learned that helped me the most— my oily skin still needs moisture. It sounds so silly and counterintuitive but god, it transformed my skin. I also started shaving my face a few months ago with one of those little face razors and it has honestly helped with spots so much. My hair doesn’t grow back darker or thicker or anything either. 

Skin care is so important to me, especially since I hate wearing face makeup, haha. And I don’t! I go bare face aside from concealer and blush and brows for the most part. I just bought this kit today by Sunday Riley though so tomorrow is gonna be lit and I’m so excited. Got a new coffee mug too! 

This was so rambly and so long I literally got the the end and am thinking to myself, “I need to just delete this who cares” but I put so much effort into this! I’m posting it, haha. I hope someone out there enjoys it! 😂🙃💕

[bi-rising]

hey I just saw your post about PCOS being a hormonal issue not a gyno one while I was surfing the tag. I was diagnosed a couple months back and all my gyno did was a 2 min ultrasound and then prescribed me birth control. I would like to have actual help and more info on it but I'm not sure who I'm supposed to go to for that. Seeing as you were in a similar situation I'd appreciate your help.

seems like gynos really suck with pcos, don't they? 🥴 warning you now, this is going to be a very long post, because i'm essentially writing out absolutely everything i did and everything i've learned, so strap in for a ride aldksfjasldf

the first thing to do is research, research, research. i spent a whole week constantly on pcos websites (such as pcosaa and this article, tho fair warning, the article does use academic speech so it might not be the easiest thing to read) and watching videos and doing what i could to inform myself. the way you can know if you're looking at a credible resource is how the source defines pcos: does it pose it as a reproductive system disorder? or an endocrine (hormonal) disorder? if it talks about it as a reproductive system disorder, then it's probably wrong.

please note that i am not, obviously, a medical professional, but this is how i understand pcos works. i'll use me as an example just so i can use first person perspective, but it applies to pcos patients in general.

so, my cells are insulin resistant. that means that when i eat, my body releases, lets say, 100 (x measurement) of insulin. because my cells are insulin resistant, they say "hey, i'm only gonna use 50x of that insulin". but they still NEED that 100x to function. so my body releases ANOTHER 100x of insulin, so my cells go "ok i'll take 50x" and so while my cells now have the 100x they're supposed, to i now have 100x insulin floating around.

that extra insulin not only wreaks havoc on many systems of the body, it is the reason why most people with pcos that goes untreated end up with type 2 diabetes. the extra insulin is also converted (or spurs the creation of? i'm not entirely certain on the how here) into testosterone and other androgen (male) hormones. so your body has too much insulin, and now it has too much testosterone, too. that extra testosterone is what fucks with your reproductive system and prevents the follicles on your ovaries from maturing (which is what the 'cysts' are). it also often creates increased facial hair, acne (especially on the 'beard line'), and worse body odor. between the testosterone and the insulin, it's nigh impossible to lose weight.

also note that because your body has to release more insulin for your cells to get an adequate amount, you likely crave carbs and sugars (salty/crunchy things and sweets), and you're likely frequently fatigued, bc your body isn't, well, working correctly and it's taking more energy to perform basic functions.

secondly, take all this information that you know to your doctor. i legitimately wrote down some notes about this process in a little notebook and took it with me so that i wouldn't forget/get too anxious to bring any of it up. i also wrote down the things i had been doing to help up to that point (working out, what my diet was, etc etc) and what i was concerned about. lastly, i also wrote down what medications and supplements i had heard of in my research to see what my doctor thought of them.

my doctor's first 'attack' choice is ozempic--it's a weekly shot that helps to regulate insulin levels and also is pretty good at helping weight loss. be aware though that most commercial insurances don't pay for this, but if your doctor is good, they'll try to work around that so that you're not paying a frankly outrageous amount for it. also look out for sometime this fall, my doc said that the ozempic manufacturers are trying to get ozempic approved for weight loss (it's approved for other things) and that should help bring the price down?? anyway, that's my doc's preferred method, but because of my finances, we currently can't do that.

his second attack, which i'm now on, is metformin. it's a medication mostly used for diabetics that helps with blood sugar levels which, again, is that insulin issue. my mom has been on it for 14 years bc diabetes runs in our family anyway, so it's perfectly safe for long time use and definitely helps with keeping either away from or within the pre-diabetes phase. again, i've only been on it now two days so i can't say anything for me but we'll see how it goes lmao

he also approved of me using omega 3 (fish pills) supplements because they help balance things out in general, not just pcos, and he was good with me using spearmint, too. i'm starting out on one cup of spearmint tea a day and see how that effects me, but i've heard of people having up to two spearmint supplement pills and a cup of spearmint tea a day, too. spearmint is a 'defense', as far as i can explain it: it has (tho limited) research that it lowers the testosterone levels in women with pcos. so while it doesn't help with the insulin so it doesn't attack the source, it can help with the testosterone aspect, aka facial hair, acne, etc. i've also heard of cinnamon supplements and inositol supplements helping, but i didn't get a chance to ask about either of those from my doctor, so make sure if you want to give those a try, you talk about them and make sure they won't interfere with any of your other medications and get your doctor's approval on them, first.

thirdly, ask about what else you can do to help yourself. my doctor stressed the importance of a proper night's sleep, as well as advised to try to cut back on carbs and sugars (IMPORTANT NOTE: some people claim that you HAVE to be on a keto diet to get results with pcos. WRONG. please don't do this. keto diets are entirely unsustainable. and cutting back on carbs and sugars does not mean cutting them OUT, it just means if you want a snack, try reaching for a protein or a vegetable instead of a carb. but don't limit yourself!! please, be conscious about what you eat, and remember that sometimes yeah, a slice of cake or a serving of chips isn't going to kill you or set your pcos back. don't risk getting an e.d. just for the sake of your pcos). he also told me that the best exercise that i personally should do is either HIIT exercises or cardio, and to do at least an hour a day, even if it's 30 mins in the morning, 30 in the evening--and to work up to that so even doing ten minutes a day, then increasing it from there, is healthier and better than jumping straight into a whole ass hour. he also told me to aim for a certain heartrate. i don't remember the formula he used, but for me at 22 (based on age) he wanted me to try to aim for 150-160 bpm. again, especially with exercise, that was what he recommended for me. you're likely different from me, so ask your doctor and see what he says.

fourthly, and perhaps most importantly, DON'T BOTHER WITH A GYNO. all of this that i've gotten done for me was from my family doctor, so just the guy i go to for yearly check ups. see if you can do some routine blood work to give him (or her) as wide of a picture as possible, and then go in and talk with a regular doctor about this. a friend of mine also has a friend who actually goes to an endocrinologist to get her pcos sorted out, so that's also an option. gynos seem to just treat the symptoms; birth control gives you a regular period by helping with your estrogen, but that doesn't decrease your testosterone OR do anything with the insulin. my doc is keeping me on birth control pills just so that i have a regular cycle so we can watch and see if anything else happens to it, so it's okay to stay on the birth control, but ultimately, birth control pills don't do anything for pcos.

i know it's difficult and probably kinda scary/anxiety inducing if you're younger or just have anxiety, but you've gotta advocate for yourself in this case. you have to show the doctor that you know what you're talking about and that you're able to call him out on his bullshit if he doesn't take you seriously. also, if your doctor is helpful, don't be afraid to be frank with him about what your gyno did. like i've said with my experience, i got the validation of knowing that my gyno was wrong by explaining to my doctor how he treated me. you deserve better than what your gyno did, and you deserve to actually be treated as a person and your disorder be taken seriously.

i'm wishing you the best of luck, and i hope that you'll be able to get the help that you need 💕💕💕