#it's in the fucking french version. it's always the french version-

[ask-heta-dzayer]

The Hetalia fandom got better?

(this started by Algeria but i then talked more about Hetalia furthur down) [Since the 5th of July is right around the corner, i feel like i need to say something as an African-Arab (MENA) Indigenous Algerian, who enjoys country personification fandoms critically and is seing the Hetalians defending Hetalia, because apparently the Hetalia fandom now is better than then, alright better Hetalians. Let's see abt this.

I'd like to note that there's an objective way to talk about the Algerian colonization, if anyone is interested in that, we can talk more about the battles and outcomes and the win and losses of each side, it is very much doable. But It is more important for us, today, to focus about the History of masscares against the Algerian people, that side of colonialism (oppression, crimes against humanity, genocides....) is either being ignored, misinterpreted or romanticized or diminished in order to focus on glorifying colonialism in this fandom, colonialism is even used as a normal word not incriminating the actors of such a unfair action (as harmless as you think it was in some cases, look deeper into it, it was not).

I find it shameful that you'd turn your head the other way in discomfort when i tell you that France killed millions of Algerians in the most cruel inhuman ways, how many you ask? I'd love to give you an exact number, but we don't even know, why? France doesn't wanna say, it is hiding it and sometimes it wasn't even counting, my ancestors (and my people today tbh) are just discardable cattle to them, when France left Algeria it left it with the one regret of not being able to stay, not regretting the uncountable number of massacres comitted in African lands. This is a criminal in the loose, integrated in modern society, never showing signs of changes, because today again France still own colonies he represses, and when i hear of unrest in Kanaky, don't fucking blame me for being horrified, when there has never been a system put in place in this world to abolish colonization, to protect the global south from the "civilized world", countries were too busy creating a new version of Colonialism that was less costy where they didn't need to move a finger to exploit millions of people and result in misereable lives and millions of deaths still.

you don't believe it? Our dear Palestinian brothers and sisters had been killed and tortured for months in Gaza right now, nothing is stopping this, because nothing was put in place to stop this, there's no one to protect the Palestinian people other than their god, nothing to act against this genocide, in fact the west was more concerned about trade stopping momentarily that they attacked Yemen, one of the poorest countries in the world and withdrew food aid from a starving population because of their support for their Palestinian bothers and sisters.

"I get it you jusssttt hate France" actually i don't, i don't hate France at all, i've never met an Algerian in real life who did, many travel and settle in France, when french people come to Algeria they are always warmly received, i talk French fluently and consumes many french medias, i love Aph France and ship him with many people, none of this is done in a hateful way. The problem is yours if i tell you "France tortured my grandparents and exiled my great grandfather never to be seen again, tortured and killed millions of innocents-" and you say "OMG STOP HATING ON FRANCE" and you know what, this is exactly the reason French people hate Algerians so much; because we refuse to forget the crimes, thus we hate France and thus we cannot integrate. We don't, we don't hate the country or its people, we hate colonialism and what it has done to us and continue to do.

But you know what, if ignoring/cancelling the history of colonialism and oppression of a country was conditional to loving it, then yes, then u can say that i hate France, and Turkey and Morocco and the UK and Germany and Spain and the USA and the liste goes on, just write the name of your country while we're at it. and if calling out a country for crimes against humanity means being a hater then yes i'm the world biggest hater. But it's not, we are perfectly capable of distiguishing between a country and it's governement (unlike the west) and regular people and colonizers, even when those regular citizens are the one who voted for a racist party yesterday that was literally created by someone who killed and tortured Algerians.

"This is wild, it has nothing to do with Hetalia, we don't talk about politics here" okay, so Hetalia is about sunshine and rainbows and cute Shojo guys...who do what? play volleyball or something? Those are literally countries, inherent political beings and if you wanna go and make them perfectly apolitical and cute and silly, fine, you can go that way, but before you go, don't forget to leave colonialism behind you too, (dw we are safeguarding your humanity and morality)

why colonialism? you don't know, YOU ARE ALREADY FUCKING TALKING ABOUT IT. How? *takes a deep berath* who is Seychelles again? France's daughter or sister? How about SK? what's his links with the USA to you? Latin America? in what way are they related to Spain and Portugal? They adopted them? Swear! Mexico is so Spain's son we all know that, Brazil's Portguals! FACE family! long time no see! its always been lovely dovey whiteness there, How many kids did the UK have again? More than he could count? how fun! Spain the kingdom where the sun never sets or whatever! and its not suspicious at all where you make so many Asian countries related to China, Australia is jealous that Britain is spending most of his time with the NA? aww, it is really a compeition for their father's aproval between countries. Ofc Ofc Ukraine, Russia and Belarus are such loving siblings dynamics.

"Natives do this too!" if you're from the colonized countries and wish for me to take off your country's name, that is fine! and i respect that they choose to go that way. But one shouldn't ignore the fact (and i'm talking from my experience) that you get tempted to follow the general norms in the fandom, innocently or because you fear your hcs won't be accepted otherwise. Those general norms glorify colonisation, normalize and randomize it, what links do these countries have with the others that you are describing as fatherhood or brotherhood? colonization, it is bad enough if we're talking about a white to white history (as in the motherlands and settlers) but honestly i mostly care abt it being offensive when it concerns the indigenous people of these lands, when you are relating them to the people who came to colonize their lands (once again talking about outsiders) have you asked them? Are they fine with this? Even when there was no blood shed (rare), no oppression or exploitation(rarer) why would anyone want to be under someone who imposed themselves on them uncalled? and make this a family link between them? Ask yourself this.

"Give me back my humanity and morality, this doesn't express my real opinions! why should i be ashamed if it's just a dumb fandom!? just let people enjoy themselves unbothered" alright fine, you really don't need to you know? But why would this make you better than your father? The white man, who would rather buy some dumb useless shit than donate some money to those in need, who would rather live oblivious to where his food come from or if there is homeless people in his town and build a anti-homeless fence structure and changes any news talking about the global south and their suffering. I do not want to make a link between you and your whiter grandfather who is the cause of their misery and those dark colonial histories to start with. But truth is you are all very related, you either take responsability for it or strongly avoid it, or worse glorify their works in colonialism apoligia or positive depictions of colonialism, repressing the counter argument to keep your convinient uncosiderate comfort in the safety of your x and y blorbos. Have a blast buddy.

"The title is misleading! the Hetalia fandom did get better! i say so!" Okay, better Hetalian, let's agree that the change from APH to HWS and the lesser representation and glorification of f*scism is something we're all happy with (altho no it never really disapeared and will keep plaguing us, especially that we just ignored completely those topics instead of actively denouncing fascism and roasting it) but if you think that cancealing Fascism (modestly in a very shy way, to feel better about yourself) is where problematic historical topics stops, then the problem is bigger, it is your whole education system that is faulty (more specifically history but not only); and it becomes more and more glaringly clear nowadays tbh.

I'll give you a small example related to before (you can apply it to yourself and have your own conclusions) ; my French (-Algerians) mutuals were talking about the French history classes and how while Fascism was criticized (without holding France accountable, but painting them as heroes and not showing the victims struggles and fights) , they said Algeria was never disccused (whatever that means) except for two pages of pro-French propaganda, this is a big contrast to how history is thaught in Algeria. This is why you'll find french people, who knows not even 1% of what we know, blackmailing and harassing Algerians online for calling out the crimes of the colonization. While it does not justify it at all, it explains some of it, you can add to that the kind of illeteracy our generation has, and the refusal of the western youth to be involved with the southern youth and talk on the same level.

"that's not true! we wanna interact with you guys!" forgive me for not feeling this love in a fandom about the beautiful "world" where almost everybody is white! (i mean by this European or their descendants colonies, i'm a white-skinned amazigh who has no european blood in me) ofc you can say you are only following the source material, but this post is not adressing this, it is adressing a fandom that much prefer focusing on a dead ghostly white man (not an Albino!!! GOF FORBID DIVERSITY!!! *u know who u are*) rather then creating, focusing or supporting POC characters, only is they are going along their perspectives (like making content for Seychelles with the NA bros, which i don't condemn btw, but c'mon not even Madagascar? who has an awesome cannonical interaction with her?). I know about that because i'm an Algerian who has been in Hetalia for 9 years already and desperately searched for representation of the global south and found so very few, and watched my Algerian Hetalia friends all slowly disengage and leave the fandom (along with other BIPOC friends) for the lack of support, me included (i left it thrice). I'm not talking about myself (i have the fucking right to but it's just an example here) and i ofc don't hate white characters, (if you don't believe me scroll through my likes or if u could find my old accounts contents) i enjoy all the characters and i hate none of them, but you have to admit that you don't focus on the third world (yes including existing characters!!!! focus on ASEAN for fuck sake), you are not interested? Support creators who are, this will literally not kill you.

"you can't force people to like global south countries *i can't believe i said that*" i'm really not trynna force you to do anything, i'm just saying that no, Hetalia didn't get better, because the world is not complete and no one cares enough to represent the countries that are lacking, or atleast supporting the creators who care (especially natives) i wanna cry when i see beautiful, beautiful artworks for latin Americans creators who get minimum likes, do you die everytime u give away a like or rb? why are we in a fandom about countries but we can't get assed enough to care about countries? or support our coohabitation? Once again, you are very much you father's son.

"Then what is the solution? What do we do?" not to promote for Tumblr community but @/peonyctas has opened one for POC hetalia you should very much ask to join it if you didn't already and i opened a community for Hetalia OCs positivity, you are welcome to join it, although it can contain ocs from all over the world like i said it's mostly Asians/Africans/South Americans who aren't represented so we can see more of them; there's also the option of just fucking searching the tag of Hetalia OCs or opening a map and searching for specific countries (if they were represneted or make their own representation but plz plz try to be realistic and considerate okay?), and just giving POC creators and POC characters (offcial or not) some love is a good start. I know some may dislike OCs but in Hetalia is different since they are representing something, we are literally doing what Himaruya is doing and like you are all doing tbh, trying to be as accurate and less cringe as possible, please stop hating on us and try to put yourself in our place for a second, imagine your country isn't represented (and will probably never get the chance to be) isn't it unfair to be called cringe when all u wanna be is uncluded? (cut ocs in general a slack goddamnit, ppl just wanna have fun)

Side notes: I wanted to say more , but i think this will do for now.

For people who will go like "But it's impossible to be critical of colonialism when half of the world participated in it some on lesser scales than others? what to do then? We can't be expected to learn about all colonizations" you don't have to know everything, i don't; but here's something, if you are gonna fawn about the strength of this country or it's wealth, maybe you should question its source and ethicality, don't just study a country's good sides (u don't need to represent the bad side either, just be aware of it when u write/Draw/post about it) and here's another thing (this is in general); the next time you hear about colonization or oppression in general, condemn it, wherever it comes from, that should be your first instinct. Not justifying it while you know nothing about it, you could do some research to check about it, but your aim should always be to stand for the weaker and support them.

For people saying "Hetalia is a dead fandom that's why" with 3K+ notes on posts and a new arch in the making ,with fans coming back and Hetalia trending here? Yeah, nice one, i've seen more dead than this; but maybe you are also killing it by limiting it's reach? Either by being problematic (pro-fascism , pro-colonization and imperialism etc) or not being representative and inclusive.

People from the global south/BIPOC aren't here to start with? First off, delete that, that's racist (and not true, maybe not active but they exist) , second of all, maybe you should prepare the ground for them and give them smth to work with to attract their attention ? because it's pretty nulle right now.

Note: if you are against the Algerian revolution , with colonialism in general and the Palestinian genocide (because you have no exuse it is talked about eveywhere today ) never come near me please, thank you.

wishing Hetalia actually gets better in the future . All questions are accepted; happy early 5 July , i'm hearing the celebrations.]

[puppys-rhythm-heaven]

why is texas a thing in rhythm heaven-

[karamazovanon]

DUDE I still think about off an unreasonable amount for an obscure rpg that came out I think 15 years ago now?? like I forget it exists for a year or more and then I'm like damn. I should play it again. And then i do. I think I've played it maybe 4 times in English and once in the French before they patched it. Underrated cornerstone of modern existentialist/post-surrealist media if u ask me

THE OFF (GAME) TEENAGER TO CAMUS ENJOYER ADULT PIPELINE IS FUCKING REAL

[dean-winchesters-clit]

I need y'all to understand how fucking important it is that their lovemaking song was La Vie En Rose.

Those translated covers you hear on TikTok take their lyrics from a Louis Armstrong cover of the original French version sung by Edith Piaf. The English lyrics are beautiful but there are some things lost in translation, which is why I love that they had Izzy sing the original French version while Stede and Ed are making love.

Edith Piaf's version of the song is all about the intensity of love and finding love after a trying time. Her vocals are incredible and bleed all the different emotions she feels while singing. Izzy starts with the English translation of the song, which goes:

But a closer translation to the original French would be:

"Quand il me prend dans ses bras; When he takes me into his arms/ Il me parle l'a tout bas; He speaks to me softly/ Je vois la vie en rose; And I see life through rose-colored glasses."

Obviously this is fine and dandy, but it's the translation of the original French lyrics used later in the episode that really get me. Izzy sings this:

Which translates to this:

"He speaks words of love to me/ They are every day words/ And they do something to me.

"He has entered into my heart/ A bit of happiness/ That I know the cause of.

"It's only him for me/ And me for him, for life/ He told me, he swore to me, for life."

It's that last verse that the English version just wouldn't be able to capture. The translated version of that verse is about angels and love songs and mentions nothing of a vow to love one another for life.

That's what's so special to me about the French version of the song being used in that moment. Edith Piaf sings as a person who has lived through so much pain and suffering (which she definitely did as a French woman living through World War II) and finally finds comfort and peace in the arms of her beloved.

That is ultimately what Ed and Stede are for one another. Safe harbors, calm waters, peaceful days and nights in each other's presence. They bicker and argue and hurt one another, but they always come back together so easily. Stede was hurt and needed reassurance, needed to prove to himself that he wasn't a whim, needed to feel the security of Ed in his arms. And perhaps they shouldn't have gone all the way that night, but they're both impulsive and obsessed with each other and they needed something.

It's that song that lets me know they're gonna be okay. They're intense and impulsive but they compliment each other. They fit together perfectly, and they find comfort in one another no matter what's happened to them in the past. They need their harbors, their anchors, each other. They'd never leave each other behind. They make each other's lives la vie en rose.

(Edit: fixed a translation error)

[sednas]

– WHERE DO THEY LIKE TO KISS YOU

featuring: gojo, geto, nanami, toji x gn!reader

trigger warnings: [n]sfw version under the cut

gojo ♡

- your forehead:

since he's most likely to be taller than you, he likes to smack your forehead with his lips, purposefully making a ridiculous noise while he does it. it's something intimate tho, he gives you french kisses in public without a second of hesitation, but only kisses you on the forehead in private. he does it when he finds you really cute, which happens really often.

geto ♡

- your wrists:

such a smooth mf. he gently takes your wrist and brings it closer to his face. in a loving gesture he puts your hand on his cheek and softly kisses your wrist. while maintaining eye contact of course.

nanami ♡

- the back of your neck:

he has the habit of standing slightly behind you so he can protect you if anything goes wrong (he's paranoid) and he likes to surprise you by kissing the back of your neck. he loves it because it makes you shiver and he likes to see the effect he has on your body.

toji ♡

- your cheeks:

he likes to make you think that he's going to kiss your lips, only to kiss your cheek instead. with your face trapped in his large hand, you usually laugh and try to get away from his hold. also, he gives you wet kisses, you can always feel his tongue on your skin, even when it's an innocent kiss on the cheek. that's either really hot or disgusting, idk you choose.

- [N]SFW VERSION:

gojo ♡

- your inner thighs:

he's such a fucking tease. he gives you hickeys and sucks and kisses your inner thighs until they feel numb and your poor hole is twitching with need.

geto ♡

- your neck:

his favorite position is missionary so he can have easy access to your neck and you can't escape from his gaze. there's something about marking you while he's deep inside you that drives him absolutely crazy.

nanami ♡

- your ankles:

alright this is oddly specific but when you two go for the missionary position, he lifts your legs on his shoulders and he likes to kiss your legs, especially your ankles, because it's one of your weak points and you always let out the cutest sounds when he does.

toji ♡

- your (ass)cheeks (i'm so funny send me money):

he doesn't just kiss them, he bites them too, always hard enough to leave marks. listen, if he gets the chance, he'll lay his head on your ass, it's his favorite kind of pillow. he also kisses and bites your ass cheeks when he eats you out from the back, which is one of his favorite positions.

jjk masterlist

[anyroads]

OK you know what, if we're gonna talk about Bake Off then fuck it, let's do this.

It used to be this wholesome, lovely show! We used to watch it for the bakers! And the learning! And the light banter and occasional bit of coy innuendo! What happened?

Channel 4 happened. When they bought the show they made a number of changes, most of them Not Good™️. Not just in the sense of them resulting in a lot of 😬 and 🫠 moments, but in the sense of how they changed the show's purpose, atmosphere, and brand.

Look, I know most people are just like, "whatever, it's just a baking show," and yeah, sure. But it's one of the UK's most successful TV exports, and where it once shifted the tone of reality competition to being wholesome and supportive of contestants, it's since moved towards creating tension at the contestants' cost. So aside from the fact that most people watching it signed up to watch a nice show, it has also shifted the goalposts of what that even means. And that, lovelies and gentlefolk, is some bullshit.

I decided to break my rant analysis into four main parts: theme weeks, the hosts, the judges, and the bakers. Let's get to it!

Theme Weeks:

If you watch Bake Off, you know the show's always had a specific theme for each week. The staples that come up in most seasons are:

cake

biscuit

bread

pudding/dessert

pastry

patisserie

Less common but consistent are things like caramel and chocolate week.

Then there are the fun episodes! When GBBO was on the BBC, this started out with things tea week, tarts, pies, tray bakes, basically little tangents still focused on emphasizing specific baking skills. In Series 6 (still on the BBC) they had their first nation-focused theme week with French week -- fairly innocuous given that a lot of patisserie is French, France and England share much more culture than either cares to admit [Norman Flag dot gif], and it was a nice change from watching Paul make the bakers do recipes that involved boiling things while talking about how wonderful boiled doughs are (are they, Paul? Are they?).

The show kept mixing it up with innocuous themes like advanced dough and alternative ingredients weeks, European cakes, Victorian week, batter week, and botanical week. And while it was frustrating to watch Paul Hollywood mispronounce things like the Hungarian Dobos Torta and lecture bakers on babka when he clearly knew nothing about it (or about Jewish baking in general, go off Past Me), the show's general attitude was that the judges had their own opinions, which were separate from the immutable facts around the chemistry of baking (more on this later) and shouldn't affect how bakers are judged.

After the show moved to Channel 4, the number of themed weeks increased and more of them focused on specific countries. In 6 seasons on the BBC, there were only two country-focused theme weeks, and in 5 seasons on Channel 4 there have been five. And while they've also had themes like vegan baking, roaring 20s, the 1980s, spice week, etc. the show has really started to go hard on exoticizing other cultures in outright disrespectful and racist ways. There's been Italian and Danish week, German, Japanese (it wasn't, it was East Asian week), and now Mexican week (which doesn't touch on interspersed Jewish bakes that didn't get a theme week, like versions of bagels and babka set as technical challenges that were borderline hate crimes and mansplained by a guy who has no idea how to make either and once wrote in a cookbook that challah was traditionally eaten during Passover). Each time the hosts played up the theme with racist bits and jokes that can be used as evidence in court if your case is "why should shows with scripted content have a professional writing staff."

Which touches on other issues the show has now...

The Hosts:

When GBBO was on the BBC, the show was hosted by ✨Mel Giedroyc✨ and ✨Sue Perkins✨. They encouraged the bakers! They'd hold stuff for them sometimes! They were interested in them! If a baker had a breakdown, they would start singing copyrighted material to render the footage unusable! When the show moved to Channel 4, they left, though I'm not unconvinced that Channel 4 offered them impossible to accept contracts to force them out so they could rebrand the show. They replaced them with Sandy Toksvig and Noel Fielding. Sandy was a lovely host in the vein of Mel and Sue, and she and Noel had a relatively sweet rapport, but she left a few seasons ago and was replaced by Matt Lucas.

Noel Fielding is mostly known for his quirky brand of comedy, a sort of British Zooey Deschanel who's goth from the neck up, an upperclass British gay divorcee from the neck down, and basically an early 60s Beatle re: trousers. Matt Lucas has almost definitely never watched a single episode of GBBO and his most redeeming quality is his thinly veiled contempt for Paul Hollywood.

The two treat the baking tent as their personal playground. Far from the supportive attitude of Mel and Sue, they tend to get in the bakers' way during the most stressful moments, especially when they try to do hilarious "comedy" bits (I can't not put that in quotes) like Noel's talking wooden spoon thing, or Matt talking over Noel to do time calls. During theme weeks like Japanese and Mexican week, they do culture-specific bits that are both racist ("just Juan joke" and "is Mexico a real place?") and unsurprising, given that both Matt and Noel did blackface on their respective sketch shows and absolutely could and should have known better because it was already the current fucking century.

All this to say, there's now a separation between the bakers and the hosts, as if they're on different shows. The hosts are doing their own thing and the bakers are doing GBBO. The show has gotten meaner to the bakers, and the hosts aren't there to support them anymore, they're just there to be comic relief. Because when you refocus your show on stressing the bakers the fuck out, you need a forced laugh I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

The Judges:

First of all, a sincere congratulations to Paul Hollywood who managed to squeeze I jUsT cAmE bAcK fRoM mExIcO aNd YeT sTiLL pRoNoUnCe PiCo De GaLLo As 'PiKa De KaLLa' and I aM aN eXpErT oN s'MoReS wHiCh aRe MaDe WiTh DiGeStiVe BiScUiTs AcCoRdiNg tO mE, aN eXpErT oN s'MoReS, just two in a giant pile of astoundingly wrong hot takes, into a short enough time span that they all aired within Liz Truss's term as Prime Minister. A true man of accomplishments.

In the interest of fairness, I need to preface this with a disclaimer that, due to the fact that I've been watching Bake Off for most of its run, I'm biased. Specifically, I can't stand Paul Hollywood's smarmy, classist, egomaniac ass because he's proven time and again he's more interested in looking smart than actually knowing what he's talking about. Since the show moved to Channel 4, they've changed the occasional handshake Paul would give bakers to the HoLlYwOoD hAnDsHaKe™️. It's gone from being an emphasis of someone's skill to a goal, a reward, and one that emphasizes the judges' place above the bakers.

The judges used to function as teachers, imparting their skills and insights to the bakers. When the show was on the BBC, the voiceover leading to a judging would focus on the bakers' work being finished, saying how it will now be evaluated based on their skill and how well they met the brief. The voiceovers now, on Channel 4, focus on the judging (literally saying something along the lines of, "the bakers will now be judged by Prue and Paul"). There is a clear distinction Channel 4's producers have made, to mark that the show is now about whether or not the judges approve, not whether the brief was understood and executed well. On the BBC, it was irrelevant whether the judges liked a particular flavor, as long as the bake was well-made. Now, the bakers are expected to know the judges tastes and cater to them, which is frankly bullshit. A judge doesn't have to like a flavor to know whether or not it was executed well, ie. is it carrying a bake and was it meant to etc.

The judges have been turned into a brand. Cynically, Channel 4 knows that by building them up and focusing the show more on them, they can exploit their image more for profit. In the process, they've become much more biased and their own biases have come out as well. Most recently in the flaming dumpster fire that was Mexican Week, Paul Hollywood tried to intimidate a baker by telling them he had just gotten back from Mexico (which must have been a fruitful learning trip if he couldn't even learn how to pronounce pico de gallo correctly). Where do I even start with this? Here's an amateur baker from England (the show specifically casts middle and lower middle class bakers for the most part??) who likely can't afford trips to Mexico, who lives in a country with incredibly limited access to Mexican cuisine, who is expected not only to understand the cooking and baking traditions of a completely different culture but to do so well enough to play with it and do something creative with it. On top of which, one of the judges is now using his privilege of traveling halfway around the world as some kind of leverage, as if this were a bar that any amateur British baker could clear.

Prue, meanwhile, has openly asserted her biases against cultural flavors and textures, prioritizing her own personal preferences over them, as if they were in any way relevant to the skills and knowledge necessary to execute the tasks she sets to the bakers. She has also been consistently elitist, criticizing bakers for choices they made that were clearly informed by their experiences within income brackets that are too low and foreign for Prue to comprehend. She once had a go at a baker on a Christmas special because his Christmas dinner themed bake didn't have a turkey, even though it was clear from the stories he shared of his own Christmases that his family likely couldn't afford one. "It's not really Christmas dinner without a turkey," Prue said into the camera angrily while sitting on a chair made of live orphans and telling the ghost of Christmas Future to come back when he had another museum gift shop necklace for her to round out her collection.

The show is no longer about which baker has the best skills. It's become about which mortal can appease the gods of Mount Olympus, ie. the judges.

The Bakers:

Remember when the show was about them? Channel 4 doesn't! Because this is a reality competition show, the bakers are chosen both based on their skills, as well as cast-ability. They're cast as characters, distinct from each other, from different areas, age groups, ethnicities. All of them are amateurs. All of them are middle or lower middle class. They've ranged from college students to supermarket cashiers to prison wardens to scientists.

Something I noticed when the show moved to Channel 4 is that the baker who goes home in the first week is always wildly behind the rest in skills. I have no proof of this other than my eyeballs and deductive reasoning skills, but I think that Channel 4 deliberately casts a ringer each season who they think will be an easy send-off in the first week, just to get the audience's feet wet.

Anyway, like I said, this show used to be about the bakers - about them building skills and learning, and having walked into the tent with a self-taught foundation and understanding of the processes and chemical reactions involved in baking. When the show was on the BBC, the end of each round had some (often brief) moments of tension - will they finish in time? Will they get their bakes on the plate before time is up? Did they forget to add sugar to their batter and only remember at the last minute? In the end, they usually managed to finish and we'd all breathe a sigh of relief and think, yeah! You go, Bakers Who I'm Rooting For!

Now, on Channel 4, the end of round drama has been stretched to be so much longer that they've composed extra music for it. The bakers often seem out of their depth, whether because the instructions for the technical challenge are too vague (bake a lemon meringue pie??? As if anyone in the UK under the age of 60 has had one in the last decade???), or because they were expected to bake something that required a more than a basic foundation they weren't told of. Often it seems like they just aren't given enough time, a tactic used by reality competition shows to manipulate contestants into giving the cameras more dramatic content. On top of all this, the hosts get in their way, instead of helping them plate their bakes. As has been pointed out before, when everyone fails the challenge, the real failure lies with whoever set it.

In conclusion:

The show no longer exists to teach the bakers - and the audience - skills or knowledge. It now manipulates contestants for dramatic effect and prioritizes showing conflict over wholesome content. Channel 4 sees the bakers as social media content they can churn out season after season, and don't care about them because in a few months there'll be a new batch to exploit. Meanwhile, the judges are also out of their depth, co-opting recipes from other cultures and butchering them horrendously, while the camera gives them nothing but status as they hold bakers to the expectation that they learn how to make things very much the wrong way. If you saw any of the tweets about Mexican or Japanese week, or read my post on how Paul Hollywood isn't allowed to go near babka ever again, you'll understand.

So what would fix all this? Scrap the current judges and the hosts altogether. Bring back Mel and Sue, and replace the judges with expert bakers who have a love of their craft and want to share it with others. The draw of GBBO used to be its warmth and comfort - if Channel 4 isn't going to start its own version of Master Chef For Bakers, then it needs to stop trying to find a balance of how it can insert that vibe into GBBO. It can't. That's not a thing. Stop trying.

[strawberrysturniolo]

never grow up part two

summary: chris and sunny's friendship is put to the test as they navigate new changes between them, following them having sex

angstyyyyyyyyyy part 1 part 3

Every morning at the Sturniolo’s house starts the same.  Chris and I are always the last out of bed even though we wake up before everyone else. We spend hours talking and laughing and avoiding interaction with anyone else. Even when we were just friends, we just wanted to be alone together. 

Now, things are slightly different. 

I woke up with Chris’ arms enclosed around my body. He never was the type to cuddle, but maybe it’s because he’s going back to LA in a few days that he feels like he should hold onto me until that time comes. 

I had forgotten about that. The whole fact that he’d have to leave soon. 

He shifts a bit beneath me, stirring awake. His eyes search for mine, looking for a sign that I’m awake too. I close my eyes quickly, but with a laugh beneath me, I know I wasn’t fast enough. 

“I saw that,” he says. “What are you pretending you’re sleeping for?”

“You looked so cute, I didn’t want to wake you up. I thought if I pretended to sleep then you’d go back to sleep and I could admire you longer.”

He smiles softly, pulling me closer. “You’re adorable.” My heart races a little. “You liked that, huh?” he asks, feeling my heart against his chest.

I push myself off of him, rolling my eyes. “Shut up.”

Flashbacks from last night come rushing in like a storm cloud, preparing to strike me with every mistake we may have made. I don’t want to think that sex with Chris was a mistake, but I can’t let myself feel these things for him if he’s going back to LA, which is of course going to happen. 

From the kiss, to the sex, to us cuddling after, every touch of our bodies felt like a rush of electricity until we were destined to burn out. 

“You hungry?” he snaps me out of my daze where my thoughts started consuming me. “Mom’s making french toast. Your favorite.”

Mom. Because she was never just his mom. She was always a second mother to me. 

“And yours,” I remind him. 

He smiles, nodding in agreement. “That’s why we work so well together.”

Then, he kisses me. 

It’s so natural like he hasn’t even thought about it. Like he didn’t have to. Like it’s everything he’s been wanting to do. 

“I need to change. I’ll be down in a minute though,” I give him a half smile, realizing that I’m in nothing more than my underwear and Chris’ old t-shirt. 

He kisses my forehead, then leaves the room. 

I pull on a pair of Chris’ sweatpants and a hoodie, covering myself head to toe in his wardrobe. When I walk downstairs, no one says anything about me wearing his clothes. No one cares. This is how it’s always been, even before he was burying himself inside of me last night. 

“Morning, Sunny,” Matt says through a mouthful of his breakfast. He washes it down with a swig of orange juice, barely looking up at me as he eats and tries to talk at the same time. 

I sit next to him as Chris’ mom makes me a plate of food, sliding it down in front of me. Chris stands by the fridge, pouring himself some water from the dispenser in the fridge. I look up, catching his eye. 

He starts to smile at me, the smallest smile that sends a zoo of butterflies scattering through my body. 

“What the fuck are you doing!” Nick exclaims, tossing his arms up towards Chris as he looks down at the puddle of water on the floor he just stepped into. 

Chris’ eyes go wide at the glass of water overflowing in his hand, dripping into a small pond on the floor. 

“Sorry,” he mumbles. 

“Dude, clean it up!” Matt adds, this time without his mouth full. 

“I am dipshit!” he calls back, dropping a towel on the floor and swiping it on the tile with his foot.

Chris sits to the left of me at the island, eating his breakfast silently. 

With some small talk being made as everyone eats, the only thing I’m focused on is Chris’ taps onto my foot with his own. 

“Something funny?” Matt asks, noticing my smile and quiet giggles as I play footsie with his brother. 

“Sorry, it’s nothing.”

—

“You’re lying!” I yell at him. 

“I’m not!” he shouts back, inches from my face.

“You’re a fucking liar!”

“And you’re overdramatic!”

“You do remember, you’re just embarrassed.”

He sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “Why would I want to remember me throwing up after I had my first kiss.”

I erupt into laughter as he finally gives into his embarrassing memory. He punches my arm forcefully.

“HEY!”

“I was 12 and scared! And I chugged like three sodas beforehand so yeah, I thought I was gonna burp, and then I threw up. Laugh it up.”

“Oh, I will,” I tease him further, watching him shake his head at me. 

“Mmm,” he hums, nodding his head at me as he brings his face closer to mine, brushing our noses as our lips find each other. 

I give him a quick kiss, making him whine as I pull away.

“More,” he says, his eyes closed as he smiles. 

I peck his lips again, just for him to ask for more. 

“Chris!” I scold him, laughing.

“What!” he shouts back defensively. “I’m making up for lost time here.”

I find myself giving in, just like I always do. I give into everything that screams his name. I give into anything that gives me some of him, even though now I have all of him.

Our lips press together like it’s everything that we’re supposed to be. His hand holds my face, and as the kiss grows from soft pecks to a heavier makeout, I’m eternally grateful that we came to my house. Two nights at his place would be too suspicious. We would always alternate houses as kids. 

He sits on my couch in my new apartment that I share with my college roommate. Luckily, she’s at work. With him in Boston for now, we don’t have to worry about alternating houses. If he wants to stay here and sleep in my bed and hold me and kiss me while we sleep, we don’t need anyone’s permission anymore. That’s what I remind myself as I climb into his lap. 

“That’s it, baby,” he whispers against my lips. 

Baby. 

Not Sunny. 

Not even my real name. 

He calls me baby. 

I can’t even kiss him for a second because of the way my lips curl into a smile. 

He pulls back and looks at me, analyzing my expression. “What’s that for?”

“You called me baby.”

I feel his body release a casual shrug. “It’s nothing,” he says. 

But to me it’s everything. 

I smile into another kiss, holding him close. His hands grip my hips, shifting me slightly on his crotch. A gasp escapes my lips, just enough noise for him to break our mouths apart and lock his eyes on mine, watching the satisfaction rise through my body.

“I love learning what you like,” he nods, flicking his eyes all over my face. “I never remember ever having to learn something new about you. This is so refreshing. I love having more of you.”

My hips dip forward, searching for some sort of release of the ache as I feel my clit begging for attention. As I rock my hips on him, I find the strength between my staggered breathing to say, “I’m yours.”

He raises his thumb to my bottom lip, pulling it downward. His eyes are full of lust as he sucks his own lip in between his teeth, biting down on it hard like he’s holding himself back. 

“You always have been.”

I just about melt into him, the kiss pulling us together like the strongest magnets. Even on opposite sides of the country, we’re destined to be drawn together. 

He wraps his arms around my lower back, holding me tight as he pulls me into his body, picking me up slightly and laying me down on the length of the couch, all without letting his mouth leave mine. 

“I don’t want to know a world where I’m not your number one girl,” I confess to him, the words slipping out of me as I know our events of last night could have changed everything between us. 

“Well,” he starts to say, making me freeze. “Apart from my mom and maybe my future daughter, you’re definitely number one.”

Good answer. 

His mouth dips to my neck, pushing his own sweatshirt on my body aside as he searches for the spot with the easiest access, but can also double as a sweet spot that will have me begging him for more.

As he places sloppy kisses on my neck and his hands push against my stomach, I have a random rush on panic in my body, like I need answers before I need him inside of me again.

“Chris?”

“Hmm,” he lets out a hum, trying not to break contact between us.

“We need to talk.”

He groans, but not the kind filled with pleasure. He sounds pissed off. “Right now?”

I nod. “Yes, right now.” 

He sits up on his knees. “Can you give me like… ten minutes?” 

I shake my head. 

He lets out a gentle sigh, not one of annoyance, but rather an exhale after the rush of our bodies that we had been looking for until I stopped it. 

He runs his hand through his hair, correcting the placement of his curls after I threw them off as we kissed and started touching each other. “What’s up?”

I struggle to find the right words to tell him what is going on inside my brain. How do I make him understand that I’m terrified of losing our friendship because of us having sex, or that I’m scared to ruin our friendship through a relationship, but all I’ve thought of growing up is what it would be like to know he was my boyfriend, and no one else's?

“I just – I think– Last night,” I struggle, but the words start to form. “I had a lot of fun last night. It was really good. And right now, I want to do that again… I just–”

Chris’ expression changes numerous times as I take him on a mental journey with me. He looks worried, then smiles, then looks worried again. 

“We don’t have to have sex again right now,” he reminds me. “I just thought you wanted to because you got in my lap but I should have asked–”

“No,” I interrupt him, almost too passionate about the topic of sex with him, but hey, that’s years of pent up frustration coming out. “It’s not about the sex.”

“You sure?” he pushes a bit further, raising an eyebrow at me. 

I nod. “It has nothing to do with the sex… entirely…” I’m ruining this by speaking. “I’ve liked you for so long, Chris.”

I watch him swallow. It’s like he’s nervous. He doesn’t say anything. 

So I continue and hope that he interrupts me at some point. 

“I’ve always liked you and I always wanted something more in our friendship but if that never happened, I was okay with that, because we were Sunny and Chris, and that was always enough. But after last night, and the way things have been going all day… I guess I’ve just been thinking about how things might be if we… you know… tried.”

“Tried what?” he asks me blankly.

I blink at him a few times, waiting for it to register, but it never does. 

“A relationship,” I say simply. 

His face contorts. 

My heart just about fucking stops functioning. 

“Why would we do that?”

I don’t bother hiding the fact that my face fell in front of him. I scoot back a bit, feeling uncomfortable with being so brave and outspoken. I shouldn’t have said anything at all, but as I juggle that idea, I remember that he started this. I have no reason to doubt what I thought he felt. He gave me this.

“We had sex last night,” I remind him, as if he could possibly forget. 

“I know that. I’m saying… why would we start a relationship just because we had sex?”

He waits for me to say something back, but I’m at a loss for words. I’m treading water in the deepest of oceans, and all I want right now is to fucking drown and never come back up after this. 

“It was just sex,” he adds.

That sucks me underwater, and I’m struggling to breathe.

Except in real life, it pushes me to stand up in front of him, taking control. “Just sex?!”

The scariest part of this is that he doesn’t even look like he feels that he’s said anything wrong. 

“Sun–”

“I don’t just have sex, Chris,” I cut him off, the fear, anger, sadness, and sudden regret pour out of me. “And I would never just have sex with you. I had sex with you because I thought things were different. I thought you wanted me differently. And now that we’ve had sex, you’re just gonna go back to LA and we’re gonna what? Go back to not speaking on the phone and only communicating through meaningless Snapchats?”

He stares at the floor, not a thought leaving his head and entering his mouth, clearly, because he says nothing back. 

“If you can’t figure this out on your own with that college brain, then I have nothing else to say to you,” he finally says. He grabs his phone and adjusts his clothing before he stands up and places himself inches from my face. “Figure it out and then call me.”

“What does me being in college have to do with this?” I ask.

“You know exactly what it means!” he says, his volume much louder than before, catching me off guard. “You act like you’re so much higher than me-”

“I’m gonna stop you there,” I interject quickly. “I was always the person supporting you and telling you to chase your dreams. I was always the one telling everyone that you were gonna make it big.”

“Right, but you don’t want me to go to LA.”

He starts walking away, and without hesitating, I run after him. 

“This isn’t about LA!” I shout. “This is about you and me!”

He spins around on his feet, his face inches from mine as he yells back, “I know that!”

“It’s about you and if you’re ready to be in a relationship, and if you’re willing to do distance for us-”

“Are you serious? If I’m willing?” he argues, stepping closer to me. I step back. It’s like I don’t know him anymore. “I’ve been following you around like an abandoned puppy since the day we met and you’re still asking yourself what I want?”

I let my voice drop to a much lower volume, practically a mumble. “What do you want?”

“YOU! I WANT YOU!”

I fall silent. My eyes fill with tears, but I refuse to let them fall. He’s here. I haven’t lost him. We just have to get through this new part of us. 

“Do you want me?” he asks, noticing my silence as I tried to gather my thoughts. 

Of course I want you. I’ve always wanted you, and I always will.

I want to be your biggest fan, on the sidelines watching you succeed and achieve every dream I remember you telling me about as we colored with sidewalk chalk as kids until we skinned our fingers from rubbing the chalk into the pavement too hard.

I don’t know how long we’ve been in silence. I don’t know how long I’ve been having a mental battle with myself. 

I want to be with Chris, but I don’t think we want each other the same way. 

I want to have a relationship with him. I want to call him mine and know that he’s no one else’s. I want to look at pictures of us as kids and laugh, thinking about how things have changed.

He wants freedom, and he wants to have fun. I was there, and we didn’t give ourselves to each other. I gave myself to him, and he gave me the Chris that he gives every girl in LA. He made me think I was more than that to him. I should be more than that, and that’s what makes me hesitant above all. 

When he goes back to LA, everything falls back to the way it was, and that’s the last thing I want. Yet, I can’t bring myself to beg for change, because I know it won’t happen unless he wants this too. 

“Cool,” nods. He tucks his hands into the pocket of his hoodie and slips his shoes on. He heads to the door and says, “I’ve spent my entire life chasing after someone who couldn’t give a fuck about me.”

Then, he leaves. 

tag list: @secret-sturniolo @chrisloyalgf @strnilolo @jellybeanbby @qwertytit @55sturn @sleepysturnss @creamoncreamoncream2 @sturnvvz @angelworldspost @patscorner @ducksturniolo @mattitties @luv4kozume @mbbsgf @freshloveforthefit @ripmattitude @gamermattsgf @strniololoverr @urmom2bitch @sturnitup @luvmila444 @st7rnioioss @sturniolosreads @pepsiskiess @alorsxsturn @sturniolopepsi @sturnsgasoline @sturns-posts @sstvrnioloo @strawberrymilk4k @ratatioulle @kiibichio @nickmillersn1gf @milesfordays11 @l9vesick @mattsturnzzz09 @mattnchrisworld @sturniolovoid @aerunn @sturniolosmind @oliviasturniolo21 @carolsturns1 @scarssturniolo @stuniolobbg @sturniolowhore

[certifiedlovergirlsstuff]

i like to imagine going out to a party or club or bar with steve and kissing him on the corner of his mouth or his cheek or jawline and saying that "youre leaving a mark on him" with your makeup, and he pretends it's annoying or silly or a fuss, but you know it isn't bc he's blushing a little bit and his ears are red and his face splits into a grin the moment youre done

i hope this okay. i didn’t exactly go with the vibe you wanted but this was a version 2. i could always rework my first version for a more soft reader personality. a mini blurb.

steve harrington x fem!reader

masterlist

💗

clubs felt like a safari at times. every guy and girl feeling like a predator to your prey, watchful and hungry eyes following your every move. worst when your boyfriend was looking as handsome as ever and fellow girls couldn’t steer away their gaze. biting their lips and cooling their looks seductively, fixing their bras and messing with their clothing.

it was killing your vibe in the bouncing club. narrowing your eyes and crossing your arms over your chest, you seethed silently at a tipsy girl standing way to close next to your steve. and you hustled into action once a manicured hand gripped steve’s bicep and laughed at nothing.

determined strides towards the bar you were able to hear steve’s response to whatever the girl was asking, “i’ve got a girlfriend, actually. she’s here with me.” that didn’t stop her from undressing him with her smudge eyeliner.

you tapped a finger to steve’s shoulder, he already had the same response spilling from his lips but then ended on a happy, “girlfriend!” when he turned around to see you staring the girl down.

“baby! sorry this is taking awhile.” steve wrapped his left arm behind your waist and pulled you close to his side. your own two circled his stomach and clung to him like a koala.

“it’s fine, stevie. who’s your… friend.” barely acknowledging the stranger who was equally eyeing you down with annoyance.

“amanda.” “don’t really care!” throwing a wide smile at her before pushing to your tiptoes and pressing a kiss onto steve’s cheek, dark red lipstick staining his skin.

steve looked at you with wide eyes before leaning down so he connected your mouths, a bruising kiss that slowly turned french making you dizzy in the hot club. his large hands caressing your hips and sliding up and down, both of you getting too bold for the pda.

you were the first to pull away, steve going in for another kiss before you had to push a finger to his pursed lips. smudges of red covering his mouth and chin. you bet your face wasn’t any better.

“what was that for?” a slight pant to steve’s words.

a slight raise to your brows with a cocky smile, “gotta show the girls that you’re a taken man.” before happily diving back in for a kiss.

“get a fucking room!”

[ladcedes]

melodrama

charles leclerc x musical theatre actress!reader, social media!au

summary a melodrama is defined as a dramatic piece with exaggerated characters and plot-lines that play to the audience’s emotions. when charles leclerc dates a queen of drama, there is bound to be some that seeps into his life.

notes yes, the title was from the lorde album. warning, google translated french

the anniversary posts

yourusername

Liked by lilymhe and 582.382 others

yourusername mon amour ❤️ i never could’ve imagined that i would spend 5 years with you… and i never imagined that i could find someone so amazing, who could make me feel like the most spectacular person in the world, the most special girl, yet also remind me of how human i am and how i’m allowed to be only human. you always manage to whisk me away from the pressures of life, push everything away, and make it feel like it’s just us in this world. you, my darling, are the comfort and calm of my soul. with you forever by my side, i can face anything

view 366 replies

12 March 2023

arthur_leclerc i can't believe it's been 5 years since you two started being publicly insufferable

⤷ charles_leclerc nous t'aimons aussi, arthur 🙄🙄🙄 (we love you, too, arthur)

carmenmmundt congrats on 5 years and cheers to many more!!

⤷ yourusername thank you love! ❤️

f1wagsite the caption is too sweet im jealous

⤷ ynfans2023 literally their relationship makes me wanna go in the bathtub with my hairdryer

charles_leclerc

Liked by alex_albon and 906.438 others

charles_leclerc always the light on my darkest days, my sunshine when it rains, melting away all my worries and doubts, always bringing me up from the lowest of low points. you are my courage and strength. you shine so brightly that you light up everything around you, including myself. you bring out the best in me and love even the worst. you give warmth to the deepest corners of my soul. with you, i’m the best and most natural version of myself. these 5 years together have been the best years of my life, i wish i had met you sooner. even eternity isn’t enough to be with you, mon étoile ❤️

view 523 replies

12 March 2023

lewishamilton congratulations guys ❤️

pierregasly congrats on 5! so where's the ring mate? 😂😂

⤷ alexalbon seconding this 😂😂

⤷ hamilfans pierre?? ALEX?? do they know something we don't or are they playing??

valenciacia the caption??? ME WHENNN 😭😭😭😭😭

⤷ f1girliee RIGHTT like "even eternity isn't enough to be with you"???? i'm going crazy.

⤷ leclercwdc i'm about to go take a bath with my toaster rn

charles_leclerc posted • 8/2/2023 | yourusername posted • 2/3/2023

charles_leclerc

Liked by pierregasly and 867.338 others

charles_leclerc my favourite actress ❤️ unbelievably proud of you, mon cherie @yourusername.

to be blessed with the love of such a hard-working, talented actress is an honour. you performed amazingly tonight and every other night before.

11 February 2023

view 406 comments

yourusername charlie you are such a sap (i love you so much)

⤷ charles_leclerc only for you darling (i love you more)

itsnessa they make me believe in love

⤷ loveleclerc real i don't know what i would do if they broke up

⤷ wdcleclerc i think i would lose hope in love

44britcedes my fav couple 🫶🫶🫶

yourusername

Liked by charles_leclerc and 724.198 others

yourusername all's well that ends well

3 May 2023

view 698 comments

myagramm is the ring on yn's finger a new addition orrrr

⤷ pierregasly i guess we found where the ring is

⤷ leclercism beating the breakup allegations with marriage allegations. only them.

⤷ myagramm PIERRE?? HELLO???

httpsainz is that ring what i think it is

solarpiastri im actually crying they rlly said fuck the break up rumours and decided to start up engagement rumours instead

a/n: might make a part 2 if i feel like it in like 5 months

[twistedwonderlandobsession]

*Leona and Yuu acting*

Yuu: James I knew I loved you the moment I met you, the moment I saw your eyes light up-

Leona: I know I'm sorry I left you in the rain that day it's just, my family-

Yuu:*Acting angry As the piano version of "Hot in Here" plays in the background* Your Family! It's always your family, I was the one that dragged your ass inside when you passes out in the fucking snow and prevented you from getting frost bite

Leona: My brother would have done the same!

Yuu: Your brother held a gun on you

Leona: Out of love!

Yuu: He didn't just hold it to you, he shot you

Yuu: he shot your tigh cause you stole the last goldfish you fucking can't!

Leona: He brought me to the hospital

Yuu: I brought you to the hospital

Leona: No you didn't-

Yuu: Yea I did! You were too delirious to remember cause of the fucking blood loss

Yuu: Your own mother stared at you lying in a pool of blood past out and did nothing!

..........................................................................................

Rook: *Swooning in French* Their such a good actor

Ruggie: More like scary, i don't like it when they act angry

Malleus: *Pouting in the corner since he wasn't allowed to be the love interest in the play*

[zombie-bait]

I love Lestat being a hypocritical bitch in the show telling Louis to abandon all remaining fragments of his mortal life meanwhile Lestat is carrying the weight of everyone and everything that has ever happened to him. He turned his mother and then his first love because he couldn’t bear the thought of living without them. He is distressed by his mother changing, having always clung to the idealized version of her he needed in his youth. He paid for his friends and family to have lavish lives. He dragged his abusive ailing father across the world to live out his last few years in America just because he was all Lestat had left of the old world. It was Nicki’s violin that he brought to the crypt and it was Nicki’s memories that haunted him in Egypt. In the show he has a music box with one of Nicki’s compositions. He created a fucked up simulation of a mortal family to keep Louis with him and spends the rest of his days mourning the loss of their daughter. He feigns at being the perfect gentleman killer, a natural predator, yet he never truly stopped being that frightened young man sent to die out in the snowy French countryside, bathed in the blood of wolves.

[girlreviews]

Review #146: Parallel Lines, Blondie

Man oh man oh man. I love Blondie so much. I found this record in the Windsor Oxfam. I don’t remember exactly how old I was, but I remember what boyfriend was with me so that puts me between 15 and 18. Yeah, same guy. I actually don’t remember if he ended up getting his hands on this record or not. I think I still have it. Will rifle through my collection later to check.

Blondie was in the “being cool” wilderness for some absolutely crazy reason at that point, and nobody really gave a shit about them anymore. When I was 17 or 18 they were playing the Reading Hexagon which is honestly still just such an unbelievable insult I’m still annoyed about it. I’ll circle back to that.

Parallel Lines epitomizes the complete and total coolness and badassery of Debbie Harry. I have never wanted to be someone more than I wanted to be her. So much confidence. Such incredible cheekbones. Such commitment to art. No apologies. The voice of an angel one moment and snarling whimsical warnings, like, hey you, don’t fuck with me, the next. Always standing in front of all of those completely non-descript nobody dudes. Yeah they’re playing the music, but who cares, who are they? It’s all her. She is Blondie.

Can I pick a favorite? It opens with Hanging on the Telephone, in which she is really threatening to rip the phone clean off the wall. It might be that one. But we’ve also got the classic One Way Or Another, which needs no comment, and one of my actual favorites of all time, Heart of Glass which never fails to fuck me up, but like, it’s a god damn disco track? Like sure, yeah, let’s boogie away our heart break. And I did. And I have. And I will. And these are all SINGLES. We aren’t even discussing the actual album tracks yet. Just listen to it. Honorable mention goes to Sunday Girl, which I always really loved. It’s cute and it’s kind of sweet in a very teenage girl kind of way that worked for me since I was in fact, a teenage girl. Also, not on the official album release, but there was a version of that track where the latter half was sung entirely in French and I always really dug it.

Okay so circling back to the Hexagon. This is a weird story and I’m still not sure how I feel about it, to this day. As I said, Blondie were playing a show at the Hexagon. I was absolutely obsessed with them, and Debbie Harry. I was also 17 or 18 and spent every penny I had on going to shows, but those pennies were pretty limited. I worked as a waitress at the pub that was two doors down from my house. It was full of characters. One such character was a regular, he was in his late 40s, was very wealthy, didn’t drive, was single, and spent literally every bit of his spare time in that pub. Think on that. He paid a lot of attention to the various young women that worked there. Was he creepy? No not exactly. But did it make you uncomfortable? Yes it did. Because you never knew when he might make it weird. Everyone liked him well enough. One day out of the blue this guy presented me with five tickets to the Blondie show. I didn’t know what in the hell to say or whether to accept them. Or what it meant. Whether there were expectations attached to them. Whether it was okay to take them. I was uncomfortable. I was 17.

Here’s what happened. My Mom, who sort of knew him too, since he was always there, decided it was fine, because she wanted to go. But for it to be okay, she decided he also had to come. So we went, he came, and a few friends too. The thing is though, she never knew him like I did. I saw him every day. I saw him with the other girls that worked at the pub. I saw him drunk off his ass. I don’t know that I ever would have taken the tickets. Or if I did, I’m not sure I ever would have invited him. I feel a bit queasy about it to this day. I think in the end something really off-base happened one night between him and someone on staff and he got barred. That was usually the way it went with regulars who were there that often.

The other thing to note is that Blondie ended because Debbie Harry was with Chris Stein, who was literally dying of some rare autoimmune disease throughout their last tour. There were other factors at play, but essentially, they broke up because he was too sick and she stayed at his side and became his full-time carer. When he was well, he left her. They are, remarkably, still close friends to this day and still perform together. Just never forget that men are dogs, and that Blondie is and always will be Debbie Harry. I love her. To this day she looks better than I do in a mini skirt and I love that for her.

ETA: I checked and in fact, I do not still have Parallel Lines in my record collection, but I am quite confident it got lost when I moved back to the US. Also, I’m not 100% certain that show was at the Reading Hexagon. I just know it was a shitty venue not worthy of Blondie. This was 18 years ago. You get the idea.

[morallyinept]

This image got me thinking about A Cup Of Love Dieter... a little drabble, nothing wild, just soft.

Dieter Bravo x F!Reader. Just slightly over 1k words written on a whim this evening...

Enjoy! 🖤

A CUP OF LOVE MASTERLIST | DIETER BRAVO MASTERLIST

He knows that you secretly loathe these events that you’re dragged to, sparkling on his arm like some expensive diamond, when you tell yourself you're nothing but a zirconia really.

He’s not really fond of them either. Too full of panache and charade, but it’s part of the gig.

If he had the choice to stay at home with you, smothered in a sherpa lined blanket whilst bingeing murder crime docs and eating French toast with that little berry compote thing you make, the one that reminds him of his Grandma’s strudel, he’d trade that for all the weighty statues with his name engraved on them any day.

Just to feel you snuggled into him under his arm as you say you’re not sleepy after episode seven, and he says you are and you insist you’re not, but you doze off anyway, snuffling lightly into his warm pit.

Dieter also knows you only go to these things for him, despite you feeling somewhat aloof and out of place.

He sees it, that glazed look in your eyes as stylists and make-up artists fuss over you and turn you into a version of yourself you don’t recognise all throughout awards season.

He always glimpses you as you stare back into the mirror, peering at yourself with a stumped look and wonders why it is you don’t see how stunning you are to him, whether you’re in sleek Prada tailored for you, or frayed sweatpants with holes in the crotch.

He promised you he’d shield you from this world as best as he could, if that was what you wanted. But you also want to celebrate him, show the world how proud you are, because damn you’re so fucking proud of him and all that he’s achieved.

Even if you can’t quite breathe in the dress when you sit, and the heels are blistering your toes that are squished into them before you’ve even begun walking.

Amid the glittering spectacle of the awards show, you walk the red carpet with him, squeezing his arm or his hand, and he always squeezes back, never letting you fall. Always reassuring you in the car ride there that he won’t let you fall, at least twenty times before you arrive. I promise you, I won’t let you fall, baby.

The cameras are there for him, incessant shutters sounding like machine guns in your ears as you present practised pearly gnashers with an aching jaw.

Dieter kisses your temple, rubs the skin on your lower back, whispers that you look incredible in that tight magenta and it’s making him hard; all things that aren’t for the cameras.

They’re for you.

And you do smile, genuinely, as it all fades away. He has that knack of making them all disappear before your eyes, like a magic trick, when he looks at you like that.

All warm, cocoa brown eyes set in crinkly laughter lines. Tan skin in an open collar, and greying scruff tamed with Chanel lotions.

Curls slick and silken replacing the silver-streaked ball of frazzled fluff you run your fingers through when he rests his head in your lap, or between your legs making you squeal and buck into his face as you twist and pull at the roots whilst he makes you come undone with that pink, slick tongue he bites between his teeth when he smirks and winks at the cameras.

He’s not acting. It’s real. It’s all Dieter and he’s all yours.

As real as the discomfort radiating from your feet. The sky-high heels you wear, though apparently fashionable, are exacting their toll with every agonising step. Each moment seems to exacerbate the ache, as though your shoes are made of steel rather than matching satin to your dress.

Dieter glances at you, a mixture of empathy and awe in his eyes, realising the lengths you go to for the sake of appearances. In that unguarded moment, your vulnerability only deepens his admiration for you, recognizing the strength and determination it takes to endure such discomfort with grace in such a public forum.

But despite your demure appearance, you kick off your shoes under the table the first chance you get, as you watch the ceremony, him by your side. Your fingers knotted inside his, stroking over worn knuckles and silver rings.

It's not his night, he’s not nominated this time, but he has been before, and he will be again.

You watch him put on his new specs so he can see better, and you stroke affectionately under his chin as he blushes and nuzzles his chin into your palm, not caring who sees how you make him weak.

He sticks to water most of the night; only one glass of champagne to toast his friend and mentor who is honoured with an esteemed accolade in the business, but even then he leaves most of the glass after a sip or two, and you smile proudly at his resilience.

How you make him strong.

You know these events are hard for him too. Where he once would relish the bawdy opportunity to get wasted, papped coming out of a party half-undressed and falling into some strangers bed, sweaty and not remembering their name in the morning, he now longs to leave before midnight and crawl into bed with you for a good cuddle and a cup of love.

Dieter watches you mingle in between awards, getting starstruck as you chat with revered actors whom you watched on the silver screen when you were small and ungainly, and he can’t quite contain the grin as he notices you gushing at Hollywood royalty whilst you’re completely barefoot.

Little painted toes peeking out from under your dress, wiggling in their excitement, as you laugh and chat, and the stars in your eyes twinkle like the droplets dangling from your lobes.

Smiling so hard your jaw aches as you make your way back to the table and Dieter’s holding up your shoes to his chest, smirking at you.

You take them from him, not caring you’ve been rumbled, and simply chuck them under the table.

You go without them for the remainder of the evening.

And that right there is one of the reasons why Dieter loves you so much, because despite your worries that you don’t always fit into his world, he knows that you absolutely do.

Because sometimes, just sometimes, you're just as wild and carefree as he is.

🖤

A CUP OF LOVE MASTERLIST

DIETER BRAVO MASTERLIST

[leclerc-s]

let him be a trophy husband!

series masterlist

isabella perez they've put it together.

logan sargeant no. they think it's reputation (daphne's version) not a new album.

isabella perez whatever logan. anyways. how are the grammys?

max jones-verstappen I'M BORED!

zoya torres i suspect he'll end up drunk by the end of the night. mae jones-verstappen to be fair, he was life this at the fia prize giving ceremony. daniel jones-ricciardo he always gets drunk at things like this.

pierre gasly why are you people on your phones? you are at the grammys put them away!

mae jones-verstappen commercial breaks exist you french fuck!

rowan todd forgive him, he's never been to one.

pierre gasly because you've never taken me with you. I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO GO TO THE EMMYS! BUT CHARLES DID?

charles leclerc that's because i know how to behave in public.

carlos sainz why are people on twitter acting like i got fired midseason?

isabella perez they're dramatic like that. you guys thought i was bad, the twitter girlies are worse.

oscar piastri to be fair, you cried over dropping a churro one time.

lando norris i don't like it here anymore.

bailey winters SOMEONE JUST ASKED HIM HOW MANY RACES HE WON!! HE WALKED AWAY EMBARRASSED! LOGAN'S LAUGHING AT HIM!

isabella perez watching lando get made fun of on live tv by trevor noah is hilarious.

lando norris this shit isn't funny isa!

arthur leclerc "here we have 3x world champion max jones-verstappen, 8x grand prix winner daniel jones-ricciardo, and teammate to rookie of the year, lando norris."

oscar piastri can i laugh?

lando norris I'M ENTERING MY REPUTATION ERA!

charles leclerc maybe win a race first

daphne jones-ricciardo can you people behave?

lewis hamilton don't bother daphne, there is no controlling them.

freya vettel lando no wins can't even escape being made fun of at the grammys

lando norris oh fuck off vettel

mick schumacher don't forget no rizz. it's a miracle bailey took him back

bailey winters it took a lot of convincing.

penelope trevino ZOYA! YOU LOOKED BEAUTIFUL ON THAT STAGE!

logan sargeant I AGREE! THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND! zoya torres aww thank you. nat helped pick out the dress. natalia ruiz THAT'S MY DAUGHTER!

lance stroll hey, does this mean charle is officially a grammy winner?

charles leclerc in my mind i have been since folklore lando norris first driver to win a grammy before a drivers championship charles leclerc at least i've won a race esteban ocon gagged him!

fernando alonso none of you know what the word decorum means.

daniel jones-ricciardo and you do? mr. i'm going to sniff flowers mid-interview

fernando alonso at least i can say that i've never commited crimes like seb. multi-21 anyone?

lance stroll THEY LITERALLY CALL YOU WAR CRIMINAL! sebastian vettel SPYGATE ANYONE? rhys jones HE'S A WAR CRIMINAL LIKE ME!!

rhys jones so, what'd i miss?

ollie bearman the hamilton x hamilton edits on tiktok isabella perez I LOVE THOSE!! logan sargeant HOW DO YOU NON=AMERICANS KNOW ABOUT HAMILTON? isabella perez i love musicals!

fernando alonso hamilton x hamilton? are they putting lewis on a boat with himself

lance stroll he means are they shipping lewis with himself? rhys jones NO! THE MUSICAL BY LIN MANUEL MIRANDA! fernando alonso who? lance stroll now he's just trolling.

rhys jones anyways, new album?

mae jones-verstappen yes, the dead poets society daphne jones-ricciardo THE TORTURED POETS SOCIETY! mae jones-verstappen YOU SHOULD'VE NAMED IT SOMETHING ELSE! rhys jones I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS BUT WHAT THE HECK DAPHNE! THE PEOPLE WILL BE CONFUSED!

liked by maejonesverstappen, arthur_leclerc, lilymhe and others

daphnejonesricciardo all's fair in love and poetry...new album THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT. OUT APRIL 19 🤍

📷: danieljonesricciardo

comments have been limited

isabellaperez mother ate with this one y'all!

landonorris i am ready to cry to this one.

baileywinters THE PEOPLE AREN'T READY!

redbullracing just in time for the chinese grand prix!!

danieljonesricciardo hey! i'm responsible for the cover art! i did that!

↳ daphnejonesricciardo yeah you did!

rhysjones geez daph, put some clothes on! as your little brother i don't need to see that!

rhysjones I'M KIDDING PLEASE DON'T CANCEL ME! I LOVE MY SISTER! I'M JUST A BABY!

↳ georgerussell so now you're a baby but when it comes to teasing lando you aren't a baby?

↳ rhysjones I CAN PICK MY BATTLES RUSSELL! THE DAPHNE GIRLS ARE WILD!

maejonesverstappen oh the people aren't ready for this.

charles_leclerc i definitely need a good cry album. this will help

↳ carlossainz55 i'll join you buddy!

maxjonesverstappen1 WOO! GO DAPHNE!

nataliaruiz WE WILL BE STREAMING!

lewishamilton it's going to be amazing daphne!

visacashapprb we will be streaming mrs. jones-ricciardo!

yukitsunoda0511 LET'S GO!! WOO!! GO DAPHNE!!

↳ daphnejonesricciardo thank you yuki! hope you like the new album!

↳ yukitsunoda0511 are you kidding me? i will adore it!

fernandoalo_oficial how many songs are about our whirlwind romance daphne? 🤣

↳ daphnejonesricciardo i plead the fifth! 😅

↳ danieljonesricciardo BACK OFF FROM MY WIFE FERNANDO!

↳ fernadoalo_oficial it's not my fault! blame the internet!

lilymhe YAY! I GET TO ANNOY ALEX WITH MORE SCREAM SINGING!

↳ alex_albon you could never annoy me

↳ lilymhe and we will be having a conversation about keeping this a secret from me mr.albon!

↳ alex_albon I WAS SWORN TO SECRECY!

taglist: @burningcupcakefire @arkhammaid @sunflower-golden-vol6 @applopie @lorarri @mypage-myfandoms @bb-swift @thewannabewriter @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @stopeatread @hobiismyhopeu @lilsiz @alessioayla @niniluvsainz @au-ghosttype @cowboylikemets1989 @justtprachisblog @rmeddar123 @nichmeddar @landonorizzz @unluckyyoshi @Mimolovescookies @brekkers-whore @natcha888 @camdensreg @mycenterfold @dear-fifi @prongsvault @kaa212 @anxxiousaries @julesbabey1 @julesbabey @georgeparisole @Smnthnclj @dan3avocado @melissayalene @nothanqks @nikfigueiredo @bella-1 @namgification @jensonsonlybutton @chezmardybum @d3kstar@weekendlusting@anytimeanywherebitchblog @ragioniera @burberryfilms @trouble-sistar @lesliiieeeee @leclercsluv

strikethrough means i couldn't tag you

¡leclerc-s speaks! new taylor swift album people! how we feelin?

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[moonheecore]

A, D, and I for sunghoon please <3

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

There will always be five minutes of pure silence between both of you after you've climaxed. He'll hold your body close, maybe run his fingers through your hair while you trace his beauty marks on his face. There's something so beautiful about the afterglow of sex that he's so mesmerized by you, and no words can express how he feels while looking at you. Sunghoon is not really a talker at all during aftercare. At best, his only words are short and sweet to make sure you're okay, but he makes up for it by running a mandatory bath for the both of you to sit and hold each other under the warm water. He helps to wash the sweat and cum off your skin and dries you off with a towel. Only laughs and giggles fill the air as he tucks you into the covers, and he likes to spoon you with your back to his chest, waiting until you are asleep before he closes his eyes. 🥺

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He likes it when you're as possessive of him as he is of you. I think he hides it pretty well just because he gets pretty shy when it comes to showing his true reaction. He'll entertain whoever flirts and hits on him at a party, his eyes noticing you from afar as you keep glancing his way, a very upsetting frown on your face. His heart would race when you finally decide to walk toward his direction, a smug smile on his face when you wrap your arms around his neck and go in between him and the person. You sweetly tell Sunghoon that you missed him even though you guys were only apart for a few minutes and immediately go to kiss him straight on the lips. Your tongue plunges itself into his mouth, openly French kissing him, loudly moaning into his wet mouth on purpose in front of the person. He wraps his hands around your waist, playing along and reciprocating the messy kiss, watching as the person scoffs and leaves.

Sunghoon fucking loves it. He finds it very hot and sexy when the first thing you do is show people who he belongs to, who fucking owns him and his body, and that will always be you.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

I think being with Sunghoon makes you feel like you have two boyfriends. One is the rough, dominant giver who can't stop calling you his little slut, his needy kitten, and his cum whore while he fucks the daylights out of you. He gives you the most eye-rolling orgasms while pinching and slapping your swollen clit. The other version of him is a big romantic softie that likes kissing each other and holding hands while softly rocking into your hips. Sunghoon will try to lowkey make it sweet, but when he's really in the mood, he'll profess his love to you with his whole face buried in your neck or hair. Just smelling you makes him crumble into a million pieces. Also, try not to poke fun at him about it. He's a big tsundere who doesn't want to admit what he did, so just hug him and tell him you love him too, and he'll melt into your embrace wordlessly.

send an ask based on the NSFW alphabet template together with one or more members in the hyungline.

[thelingodingo]

an underrated language learning method that I feel like people should use more is if you're learning a new language but also really enjoy a piece of media/entertainment in another language, then you should try and consume that media/entertainment in your target language as well.

for example,

if you're learning french but also really like watching japanese anime, then you should try watching anime in the french dub.

if you've always been obsessed with kpop songs and you're learning chinese, there's plenty of kpop songs that have chinese versions as well as chinese songs made by chinese kpop idols that still fall under the genre of kpop.

watching movies (disney, dramas, marvel, etc) in different languages is amazing as well. it doesn't matter if fucking Merida from Brave realistically speaks in the scots dialect- if you wanna learn Italian and u fucking love Brave then watch it in Italian!

i know a reason why this isn't used very often is because people don't really like consuming things in a language that isn't the original but i reallyyyy think its helpful

a part of me also thinks this post is kindaaa useless in english

cuz i originally thought of this entire rant because of how easily and entertaining-ly japanese people could learn english if they were to watch anime/read manga in english (which some of them actually DO when studying english)