#it's important that kids learn about history
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All of this is very important, and I am glad people are pointing this out about homeschooling. But when I say I love homeschooling and if I have kids, would want to homeschool if possible, I am not talking about this type.
As prev said, the evangelical Christian homeschooling is a cult and I advise to stay away as much as you can. Pity the people part of it, but don't go out of your way to interact with them.
Now, this isn't to say I wasn't taught Christianity, I'm Catholic and was raised that way, but my mom was able to find textbooks and programs that would teach me what I needed to know, no matter if it was Christian or not (not Christian with math and science iirc), and had religion a seperate thing that would sometimes blend into other subjects (like English and History). I learned about evolution, and was taught that while it is controversial to say it was real, it doesn't disprove God exists because that could be how He made the world. I mention this as an example of a more well-rounded homechool education that with the resources we had, didn't rely solely on religious texts.
Now, that isn't to say I didn't have the issue mentioned by OP with the thinking I'm smarter than I actually am and having gaps in my knowledge. I don't know anything about politics and my math skills are not the best (though the math is because of dyslexia and all that). I could've read better books for my English, like the classics (though that's also dyslexia). College really did round out my education and helped me understand that I am not that smart tm. It gave me the knowledge my mom wasn't able to. It helped me socially by showing me so many different viewpoints and growing my empathy. I was also expected to go to college, something most homeschoolers aren't usually told to even consider as an option.
Bottom line is, there's absolutely a way to do homeschooling right and there are non-religious resources you can use. With how self paced and personal homeschooling is, where you can really focus on strengths and weaknesses, it sucks that it's used for oppression and cults.
#pine posting#Homeschooling#Sorry I have the thoughts sometimes#also before anyone says anything I am not trying to mitigate the bad stuff that happens#But pointing out the good so that we have a fuller picture#I am lucky to have a mom that was attentive to what I was learning and put the effort#Into making sure I was taught everything I needed and not just religion
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To anyone understandably upset about the election.
Yes, the orange man is back inâŠ. BUT hereâs the thing: we survived him before.
I seen it all: he hyped up how he was going to reverse the legalization of gay marriage and building that stupid wall, but he never got to do either. Letâs put it this way: Project 2025 is his new âthe wallâ, as in a project greatly hyped up by idiots and feared by smart and kind people only to never happen; Itâs also important to know that during Bidenâs time in office, there has also been a shit ton of anti-LGBTQ+ laws and bills proposed and he didnât do shit about any of it (plus heâs for Israel anyways so he doesnât exactly have a moral compass to speak of to begin with), it isnât up to whoeverâs President to define our rights and visibility, itâs up to US to speak out and use our voices to stop the bigoted forces that be! Donât believe me? Some states that passed the anti trans bills reversed it because too many people bitched about it! I am speaking from personal experience tuning into the news over the years and four years later weâre gonna see history repeat: Project 2025 wonât even happen, the suckers who voted Trump will regret voting for him and be disappointed all over again (really they should have learned their lesson LAST time) and this country will swing blue to avoid the catastrophe that was Trump, again.
If you are a terrified LGBT+ kid scared of losing the right to be yourself: please, donât, those brave souls who fought in the Stonewall riots during a time where queer rights where unheard of where able to make a change! Whatâs preventing us from fighting back during a time like this? Keep standing up for what you believe in. đ
(Yes, I am aware someoneâs gonna point out that he greenlit the decision to trans people from serving the military and I understand that is very disrespectful to trans veterans, as a trans person who is anti-war, I donât think ANYONE should serve the military)
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Why hasn't Wildfur ever bonded with the keepers of his colony? Hard to believe Shrewbelly wouldn't give him comfort and support he needed. Also - why isn't Blueflower a keeper, too, given her love for babyraising? Has she never been keeper?
At first Wildfur would have gotten along with Shrewbelly and his mother just fine. It's only after Patch's traumatic death would things have changed.
It's important to remember that trauma effects everyone differently, and those with trauma sometimes cope in unhealthy ways. I believe there was a real effort made to reach out to young Wildfur, but it wasn't the kind of help he wanted or needed at the time. Patch's death was not handled well, as it was a combination of a little bit of everyone letting their guard down and 'wrong place, wrong time'. So when it happened, there was a lot of accusations thrown around, including directed at Wildfur in the heat of the moment.
Crowstalker and Blueflower's relationship already wasn't great, Shrewbelly is only one cat in charge of all Keeper duties, and Wildfur was just a kid who lost his brother. Add the guilt, shame, and feeling like the Colony secretly blames him for what happened, (why wouldn't they? He blames himself,) and Wildfur is left with nothing but bitterness.
The main reason Spottedshadow and Wildfur connected so easily is due in large part to the fact that Spottedshadow didn't know about what happened. He didn't have to feel all the shame and guilt around her, but she was kind and understanding regardless of not knowing.
It's messy. And though these cats make a solid effort, they unfortunately don't have therapy.
As for Blueflower, wanting to have kittens, or even hanging out with kittens from time to time and wanting to be a Keeper might seem synonymous, but it's really a few giant leaps apart. Being a Keeper means taking care of everyone's kittens all the time, learning you oral history and legends, making dens, walls, tools and crafts, and spending a lot of time either gathering supplies or being in camp. Plus with the supersition around Marsh Colony being closer to death, and the Spirits Beyond, becoming a Keeper is not a job most cats want in their younger years.
And especially after what happened with Wild and Patch, Blueflower feels like she failed as a parent. And in that headspace she wouldn't dream of becoming a Keeper. She's the least worthy cat for the job, in her own mind.
#q&a#tascloudedmoon#marshcolony#wildfur#keepers#shrewbelly#crowstalker#blueflower#New-ClawPatch#Spottedshadow
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This is purely speculation on my end, but I've noticed that it seems like people (specifically younger queer people, partially under forty) are so used to queerphobes indignantly saying, "you have the right to marry, what more can you want?! Why do you shove it down our throats?!" that they internalize the idea that gay marriage and other rights were only fought for for queer assimilation.
The push for things like gay marriage wasn't just "to assimilate," and especially after the AIDs crisis, you very well could watch your lover or friend or mentor die in front of you and have no recourse. No protections. No guarantee that you could even say goodbye. Learning that - as a young queer myself - hammered home how important these things can be. To get where we are now didn't happen because of the magical benevolence of the cishets. We fought for that shit. We died for that shit.
Again, this is speculation, but I don't think young queers (even me) will truly understand the scope of queer history. It takes effort to learn about this, but it is an effort worth pursuing every single time. At the least, we owe it to honour the people who came before us who have sacrificed so much. We owe our communities that much, at least.
#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#politics#it just irks me to see the 'why werent queers of the past trying to move to reprioritize marriage đ'#it gives off the same vibes as 'why transition? shouldn't you abolish gender altogetherđđđđđ. hashtag owned!'#it's just...please learn about history. even the aids crisis ALONE was harrowing to learn - but it's so important#i don't see assimilation as what you do per se but rather what you believe in#queer assimilation isn't getting married and having kids - it's (to me) an attitude of queerness#it's devaluing queerness and thinking of it as lesser - so you will distance yourself intrinsically from it#maybe that's the same to some people but i don't see it that way#and even then the conversion of this alone is nuanced and complicated#instead of blaming an individual i tend to blame the systems in place that lead people to devaluing themselves and who they are
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I don't think it's ever reasonable to stop interacting with minors. Sociologically, it's really important for people in different age groups (or generations) to interact with each other. That means people who are 17 and 36 or 45 and 84 or 3 and 52, whatever the age difference. It helps us build language and uphold a sense of community, and it's also important to interact with people of all ages to learn new and different things about the world. A Baby Boomer might be able to tell a Gen Z person about things they remember from the Civil Rights Movement in the United States that aren't commonly taught in the school system, and vice versa, maybe the Gen Z person learned something about the Civil Rights Movement in their high school history class from a document that was found discovered in the 80s that the Baby Boomer had never heard of. And you can learn all kinds of things at any age from any person! For instance, statistically, how many adults do you think are learn facts about dinosaurs or bugs from people their own age? Probably most of the dinosaur or bug facts that they hear/learn are from children who in turn learned it from adults on TV or online. It's all a cycle of learning!!!
That's not to say that kids/minors and adults don't need their own separate spaces to exist with their peers, but I think if you turn 18 and you say "okay I'm never going to willingly interact with minors again unless I become a parent or choose a job that requires me to interact with them" then you're losing out on a lot of learning and a lot of community. And you don't even have to like kids/teens! I personally don't particularly like children, but I don't necessarily go out of my way to avoid interacting with them if the opportunity arises either (there are a lot of little kids in my neighborhood who like to ring my doorbell and ask if they can pet my cats and sometimes I have to tell them I'm busy but there have been occasions where I'll let one or two hang out for a minute to pet the cats with their parents' permission, and while hanging out I've found that each of the kids is very endearing in their own way)!
As far as online spaces go, I think the "minors dni" label is silly. For the above stated reasons but also because it doesn't truly work. I believe that (if we're just talking about Tumblr) blogs that are going to post a lot of NSFW things should advertise their blog as such, but it should be kind of the same as the warning on AO3, y'know the one that's like "hey you've clicked on a work that includes mature topics and we just wanna make sure you know that before you proceed, just go ahead and hit yes or no". I'm not saying we should just give minors free access to all things NSFW but like, what teen in the age of computers didn't look up videos or pictures that they weren't supposed to? We've all heard the "yes of course I'm over 18 years of age but just to be safe I'm going to set my birth year as 1934" bullshit. I definitely did stuff like that as a kid when I wanted to access an age restricted website.
Overall, it's probably not gonna stop minors if you have a "minor dni" tag on your blog. And it's up to us non-minor folks to teach those minors Internet safety and decorum. Teach them to check their sources. Teach them how to keep their information private. Teach them reading comprehension. Teach them to look out for warning signs like "NSFW" or "18+" and how to filter tags or posts that might trigger them. Teach them that if a post is properly tagged with all the appropriate trigger warnings and they looked at it and it triggered them, that's not the creator's fault; it is everyone's own job to curate their social media experience and social media works the same way as fanfiction: if you don't like it you don't have to interact with it. It's literally as simple as backing out of the page. Most of all, teach them that they do not have to be afraid of adults or minors on the Internet. Yes, of course there are always going to be scary people on the Internet and a lot of them are adults, but what I mean by the previous statement, especially in a fandom heavy space like Tumblr, is interact with people outside your age range! Get different perspectives on your blorbos! Learn that the Internet, fandom, and the world, are not just for young people, because no matter what age we are, we're all people. Senior citizens are people. Preteens are people. Newborns are people. And ultimately, I highly doubt you will ever run into a single person, online or face to face, that you will learn nothing from. You could learn something from them as huge as astrophysics. You could learn something as small (but just as important) as the name someone chose for their pet fish and what it means to them.
Always keep learning, as long as you are able.
We ask your questions so you donât have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.
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https://x.com/fatfabfeminist/status/1704831795798155630?s=46
when teachers complain about students being passed on to the next grade when theyâre obviously behind on grade level by two+ years/grades, why do parents automatically point their fingers at their teachers lmao?? yes students missed up to 1.5-2 years in face-to-face learning due to the pandemic and the remote learning policies depending on their location so now that theyâre back for in-person learning like weâre just doing our job and teaching them to the best of our abilities, but due to the curriculum and the policies in place (depending on where you live obvs), we have no choice but to pass them on. teachers make attempts to bring attention to a studentâs attendance and grades to their parents but if the parents canât follow up on the emails we send, the phone calls we make, the voicemails we leave and the parent-teacher conferences requests we send, then that sends a clear message that you donât care about your kids education beyond the bare fucking minimum.
we get it, parents are busy and have jobs and other priorities and every parent and student has a different story. but if your kid is 12 y/o and is in the 7th grade and is reading/writing at a 4th grade level, is incapable of reading a 200 page novel and goes straight to tiktok or to their ps5 immediately after school, then we are not the problem!!!
#now i understand why my k-8 school said we should read at least 30 minutes a day.#they have no comprehension skills. no decoding skills. no vocabulary skills.#when i was a sub last year and i assigned this 5th grade class (regular and not advanced) to write a paragraph about an important woman in-#their life for womens history month and they literally did not know what a paragraph was.#you can go to any school rn and ask any kid if they like to read and 9 times out of 10 they will say no#and if any of you idiots say reading isnât important these KIDS are our FUTURE. future doctors nurses police etc etc#not all them of are going to be influencers so yes they need to learn how to critically analyze text and write about it#my mom had a p/t conference a few months ago for her 7th grd student bc he was underperforming and she asked the parent if he had a bedtime#bc the student was always sleeping in class and the parent said no and that he goes straight to playing video games after school#like i hate to break it to some of you but education is a 50-50 process that has to be met halfway at HOME#respectability politics and caring abt trivial shit like lgbt âpropagandaâ in schools will be the death of education#bc the processes and the curriculum doesnât allow for lengthy remediation we have to move on to the next topic and yes pass all the student#education#important
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Parental groups r weird, but I got the feeling like ppl r again violently trying to accomplish their own goals using children, to show off the school or their high morals u know. Thatâs may sound alien, but if Iâm still a teen, and I actually want to discover the world myself, derive my own views and opinions, can I like go without those lessons of gender studies etc. Like I donât want teachers/relatives and random people telling me what to do and what to think, I want to have a right to choose my own courses and be free with that. Bannings r stupid, but itâs even dumber to be fed forcibly with something Iâm not ready to consume or waste time on. Does this go only in one direction?
I mean I'm definitely one who thinks there are happy mediums in every conflict, but most sides take the stance of "my way or the highway", so it's hard to really satisfy anyone without completely alienating the other.
I think it's important to at least approach the ideas of gender studies, sexualities, etc with developing teenagers because that's when they really start to discover themselves. Some kids struggle with labeling new feelings or confusion they might experience, so it would help to give them a stepping stone, which they can then decide to pursue further with elective courses if they feel it resonates with them or just out of curiosity. And, even if none of those ideals apply to them, it's still good that they acknowledge such things exist and normalize it.
They don't have to be full blown core classes from grade 6 to 12 about the entire history of transgender identity, just a semester similar to health class that kids can later on select electives on if they want to continue exploring those topics, or never touch again. You can throw in the story of the Stonewall Riots during the civil rights lesson without turning it into propaganda as to why you, a 16 year old, must now label yourself as transgender. You can finally acknowledge the contributions women have made in the STEAM field that had been ignored or miscredited to men. You can read the letters or love poems of famous authors and say they were written to their same sex partner and leave it at that.
It's not about forcing kids to be one way or another, it's about exposing them to different ways of thinking and normalizing the outcomes.
#ask#anon#now granted i am a 24yo queer women so i am a) no longer in high school and b) in favor of these lessons being used in school#so obviously im going to be bias here#but i also understand that as a kid if you don't vibe with something you obiviously don't want to take it#i became an art and science major you think i wanted to take like 6 years of history classes????? fuck no#but at the end of the day i do think its important to be exposed to certain things even if they don't apply to you now or ever#if only for you to be able to better understand yourself and others#when i was in the middle school we only learned about homo/bisexuality when we had the AIDS/HIV health lesson#which only furthered the stigmata that being queer made you sick and dirty#versus if we had had a week long lesson of like 'okay some people are this some people are that and some people are inbetween'#and then moving on#think of it more like a political science class#they teach you about the different types of governing and what certain parties stand for#and then its totally up to you want you want to label yourself as afterwards#the learning is unbiased and no party is more right than the other#it's just about whatever resonates with you and your beliefs the best#you don't come out of it like 'hmm i think im republican' and your teacher is like 'ew no immediate fail'
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WTF
Of the 19 hijackers who carried out the Sept 11 attacks:
15 were from Saudi Arabia (a powerful/oil-rich country the U.S. works hard to maintain diplomatic relations with)
2 were from the United Arab Emirates (also a powerful/oil-rich country the U.S. works hard to maintain diplomatic relations with)
1 was from Egypt, 1 from Lebanon.
None of the hijackers were from Iraq.
None of the Sept 11 hijackers were Iraqi.
None of the 9/11 hijackers were from Iraq.
#so they blamed the lraqian people/Gov?#thats fucked up#9/11#this should be one of the first things kids learn when they learn about the 9/11 attacks#politics#this is just...it's such an essential and brazen fact and i rarely see basic outrage over it#i want outrage. i want fury. i want disgust over the way fundamental facts are disguised and discarded and downplayed#because there are things we should KNOW. basic fact we should ALL KNOW. and they are tucked away in the footnotes.#and no this is NOT to put the blame on other middle eastern countries#we know this was carried out by a specific terrorist organization not a national government#but King George the Second decided (and was encouraged by his cabinet!) to invade a nation!#a nation that was not at all related or responsible!!!#a dictatorship to be sure--but a dictatorship that King George the First had been happy to support#so what changed? why did we go in guns blazing to DEMOLISH a country *we had NO PLANS OF REPAIRING*???#well. because they wanted a villain didn't they. a nice clean war. clarity of purpose. us the heroes against them the villains#and when you're in that mindframe--truth is irrelevant. you can pick your villain (your victim) by rolling a roulette wheel#truth is irrelevant#worse: to the people in charge#truth is a HINDRANCE#'Alternative facts' existed long before it became a catchphrase#facts don't matter. truth doesn't matter. the impulses of a handful of volatile & rich & power-high people--that's History. congratulations#â i agree#important
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David Tennant interview at the British LGBT Awards, June 2024 (x)
Int: You being an ally to the community isn't something new. You've been doing it, but recently you've obviously really stepped up for trans and non-binary people in a time that's so, so needed. What made you do that?
David: I don't know that I feel like I've done anything that I wouldn't just sort of be normally doing. I mean, it's for me it's just common sense that there's there should be any suggestion that people aren't allowed to live the life they want to live and and to be who they want to be with and to express themselves wholeheartedly. I mean, as long as you aren't hurting anybody else, everybody else just needs to fucking butt out. I don't really understand why...
Int: ...it's controversial.
David: Yeah, there is and the thing... the thing, if there's something that's particularly sobering and depressing, it's that certain debates are being weaponized by certain elements of the political class, often for no... it seems it's not ideological so much as opportunistic. And I just think that's pretty disgusting, really.
Int: I couldn't agree more. What message would you like to send out to trans youth?
David: Please don't feel like you're not loved and that you're not accepted and that you're not... you know, most people in the world are good and kind and just want you to be able to be who you are. Most people in the world don't really care. I mean... you know what I mean?
Int: We're all narcissistic.
David: Exactly. Everyone's so self obsessed that really, the sort of noise that comes from a certain area of the press and of the political class is... it's a minority. It really is. And please don't let that make you feel diminished or dissuaded or discouraged, because, you know, you just... you have to be allowed to be yourself, and you are, and you are yourself and you must thrive and flourish, and we're all here for it.
Int: Amazing. I think, yeah, it's so important .I think sometimes it feels like there's so many people, but it is a minority. It's such a minority.
David: It's a tiny bunch of little whinging fuckers that are on the wrong side of history and they'll all go away soon.
Int: Like what happened with gay people 20 years ago.
David: When I was a kid, when I was a kid, exactly. You know, I was at school when Clause 28 came in and it all felt like being gay was something to be terrified of. And gay men in particular were demonised as paedophiles and now that just feels historic and ludicrous and, I mean, I don't see all those... all those battles aren't won, but we're in a very, very different place. And I feel like.I feel like history is on a progressive trajectory and it might get knocked sideways now and again by people for all sorts of reasons, which are often quite selfish and quite, as I say, not coming from a place of any sort of genuine belief system, but other than a place of opportunism. And that's something that we... I hope that in 20 years time, we're talking about, you know, these culture wars as something of the past.
Int: I believe we will. I'm a huge Doctor Who fan, so.
David: Oh, good, me too!
Int: You are my Doctor.
David: Oh, thank you very much.
Int: But recently, obviously, you came back for the 60th anniversary and you got to work with Yasmin Finney.
David: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Int: What was it like working with her?
David: Oh, she's brilliant. She's fantastic. Yeah. And she's in the show again now, she's back in it, so that's fantastic to see. She's lovely, talented, cool as a cucumber, articulate, brilliant. I learned a lot from her as an actor and also as someone who, you know, who's become a sort of de facto activist just because of who she is and where she is, and she becomes a sort of symbol of hope, and she's wonderful.
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lost & found | jeon jungkook
summary:your college years have never been something you dwelled on for too long. you didnât want to think of all the chances you lost and thatâs why when the guy you had a crush on moves back to town, you try not to let it affect you again. but then he brings up old memories that didnât go the way you thought they had and youâre thrown for a loop. youâre stuck between finding something new with him and falling back into old habits of never standing up for yourself. it probably doesnât help that he dated your best friend, where everything seemed to go wrong.
⣠genre/au: jungkook x reader [she/her, female anatomy], mid-20âs friendships. what kind of au is this? smut, plot
âŁ18.7k words
warnings: heavy plot. smut. a little bit of angst if you squint. tae is oc defender. shy oc. jk is an old college classmate. oc and jk got complicated, misunderstood history :(. oc is kinda insecure? bathroom sex. teasing. foreplay [f and m receiving]. very neeeedddy, long time waited sex.. unprotected. jk fucks oc on the counter, on the door. jk is tatted up but not in his college days. heavy makeout. breast play. fingering. dirty talk. oc goes down on jk as a thx đ€§ jk dated ocâs bestie but thereâs HISTORY. ocâs bestie is the real villain im sorry. took advantage of two insecure college kids >:( love lost, love found vibes. just read I swear itâs not that bad đ no cheating. FRIEND BREAK UPS. oc gets confident toward the end
song inspo: bff â jesse
As you settle into adulthood, you learn a few things about friendships. There tends to be a slight divide between those youâve known since you were young and those youâve collected over the years. Some might value the friendships theyâve held longer more than those that are more recent but for others, what matters is the trust that comes with friendship no matter with whom it might be with. Youâre somewhere in between, you think.
You have people like Taehyung who youâve only recently started to get to know and have had a chance to grow close with. He doesnât know everything about you yet but he doesnât need to, he seems to understand enough now to be an important person in your current life. Heâs the kind of friend you're thankful youâve met on some random occasion.
Then you have someone like your best friend, Miyoung. Youâre not sure the last time you had ever been truly without her at your side. From your earlier school years to college, to now when youâre both settled into what would essentially be your careers and private lives. Sheâs⊠she's special to you in a way that you're not sure you could ever find in someone elseâor at least thatâs what she says?
There hasnât been a time where it wasnât the two of you practically glued together at the hip and you credit her for her outgoing nature that always seemed to balance with your more introverted demeanor. Of course it didn't mean you couldnât make friends without her [take Taehyung for example] but sheâs always seemed to gravitate people toward you with her energy. Thatâs why you're not at all surprised by tonightâs events and how everyone seemed surprised that you came alone.
âHonestly, Iâm happy you made it, it feels like we havenât seen each other in so long,â Your friend, Hoseok, pointed out as he led you to the private area of the lounge bar where it seemed like a reunion was taking place, âWhen Miyoung said she wasnât going to make it, I thought you probably werenât going to show up andââ
âIs that what you would have preferred?â You asked with a teasing smile as he began to stumble over his words, attempting to backtrack.
âWhat? Y/n, donât you know Iâve been desperately enamored by you since your first year? Donât make such crass comments,â He joked back, helping you out of your coat as you grew closer to the room filled with loud chatter. He led you with hands on your shoulders and said, âAnd between us, Iâm a little happy she didnât come. I wasnât really in the mood for this to turn into a Battle of the Exes fighting ground.â
âWhat do you mean?â You barely had time to ask as you entered the room where an explosion of your name was heard by old college classmates of yours who all seemed on the border of tipsy and in a good mood. You couldnât help but smile, looking at everyone at once till your eyes fell on the person in question.
He didnât hesitate to meet your gaze with equal surprise as you sat across from him, just one person down the line. Immediately the people next to you tried sparking a conversation and you used it as a distraction to keep from gawking at him. When Miyoung told you she wouldnât make it, you debated coming yourself but after some begging from Hoseok you decided to come along. Despite your best friend not joining, you're kind of glad she didnât. Hoseok is right, it would have been a battlefield and you did not want to be caught in the middle of it.
âY/n.â
Ignore, maybe? Just ignore and maybe heâll forget trying to talk to you and your head won't be on the chopping block. You looked down the table at some of the other people you remember from campus activities or long lectures and tried to ignore the growing smile you could see on his face from the corner of your eye.
âHungry?â The person next to you asked as he made you look his way. There were platters of hand food across the bar table and you happily took whatever Jimin offered. As much as you hated it, you couldnât help but look across the table to make sure it really was who you thought it was,
Jeon Jungkook.
Better known as your best friendâs ex boyfriend.
Or worse, the first guy you liked when you started University.
âHi,â he said in a low voice, catching you in the middle of staring at him. In your defense, he seemed so differentâmore matured if you will. Now he was covered in tattoos and piercings, he lost that sort of boyish charm but clearly gained something else along the way. He was buff and bigger, more intimidating yet alluring? Safe to say he didnât look like the âBoy Next Doorâ you had a crush on in your English seminar.
âYouâre here,â was all you could think to say back, giving up on your sorry attempt at ignoring him for no real reason other than saving yourself from an awkward encounter.
âSo are you,â Jungkook bit into his bottom lip as he looked at you closely. How is it that someone could look so different but the same all at once? In your gaze he could still see that curiosity in everything that he remembered from back then when he would spend lectures wondering what was on your mind. In your appearance, he can see how much youâve changed physically. They were surely small differences in everyone elseâs eyes but he always had a tendency to pay too much attention to you and it would get him in trouble.
You gave him a polite nod in response to his blatant observation that matched yours and attempted to shift your attention elsewhere but he didnt let it get too far. He cleared his throat, âHow have you been?â
âMe?â You asked, âOkay, I guess. Busy with work.â
âSo Iâve heard, youâre in marketing now, right? What happened to your writing?â Jungkook asked, seeming genuinely curious to know. He didnât care for the conversations happening around him more than he did hearing your response now that you looked more willing to give him one.
âIt wouldnât have paid the billsâYou remember my writing?â You asked, surprise evident in your features that he couldnât help but smile.
It was hard for him to forget his biggest competition at the time. He let out a small sigh, ready to go on about being unable to forget a certain piece you wrote when a firm hand was placed on his shoulder. Yoongi stood over him, âSmoke break?â
Say no, he thought. Jungkook could easily reject the offer and continue what he was going to say. Without meaning to, he looked back at you, but you had excused yourself from the table in the blink of an eye. Nodding hesitantly, he grabbed his jacket and followed his friend out while he wondered where you went so suddenly.
You were hiding in the washroom when you got the call from Miyoung, like she had a sixth sense telling her to reach out.
âSo how is it? Is it as boring as I said itâd be?â Miyoung asked as she waited in line for some nightclub she was going to with some of her various other friends.
âUm, kind of?â You said without much thoughtâknowing it was what she wanted to hear. In reality, it was fun. You were greeted warmly that it washed away your earlier worries and youâre being taken care of by old friends you didn't get to talk to as much. Not to mention, youâre seeing Jungkook again after a couple years of hearing and thinking of nothing about the guy, so you donât actually think it's boring.
Miyoung snorted, âFigures, good thing I didnât go. I could not sit through more than an hour of everyone going on and on about what theyâve been up to. I mean, yeah I miss Hobi and stuff but I could see him whenever, yâknow? Who all showed up?â
âI think everyone,â You admitted with a nervous bite of your lip. It was now or never. You tell her that it seems like Jungkook has come to visit or has come back to stay and youâre not sure how sheâll take that. She might even march over here just to tell him how she's felt these last two years and chances are thatâll ruin the easy vibe for everyone else. You leaned against the stall door and talked with her.
âSo youâre back,â Yoongi asked with a smirk as he took a drag from his cigarette, âMy Golden Boyâs back? Someone pinch me.â
âFunny guy,â Jungkook said sarcastically as he looked out onto the busy street. Yoongi shrugged, turning toward the bar window looking around to see the group, âArenât you happy you came?â
âYeah, itâs great seeing everyone again,â Jungkook told him casually, flicking the end of his cigarette and watching the ash fall to the cold cement of the street.
âWant to know who surprised me tonight?â Yoongi asked, looking over at him to see if his expression would change at all, âY/n.â
Jungkook cleared his throat awkwardly, âWhat do you mean?â
He shrugged, dropping ash to the ground, âY/n never comes out to these sorts of things, and if she does come itâs usually with Miyoung but she came by herself tonight.
âYeahâŠâ Jungkook zoned out a bit as he thought about it more, âWhy doesnât she meet up with you guys often?â
âYou know Y/n doesn't really go out,â Yoongi said, âAnd sheâs busy with work, at least thatâs what Hobi says. I donât know, when Hobi said Miyoung wasnât coming tonight we both expected Y/n to not show too but⊠hey, arenât you happy she isnât here?â
âI donât really care either way,â Jungkook confessed truthfully, âBut do you know if⊠yâknow, you might have heard something about Y/n and if sheâs still seeing someone orââ
âOh God,â Yoongi couldnât help but laugh as he put his cigarette out, Jungkook doing the same, âItâs been like three years, man.â
Jungkook watched him laugh as he walked off leaving him to follow, âWhat?â
Yoongi held the door open for him, âYou know what, but Iâll answer your question, anyway. Last I heard Y/n is single, so what now?â
He waited for Jungkook to respond but he wasnât listening anymore. There were too many things on his mind that he needed to work out before you came back to the table.
âWhat do you mean youâre leaving? You just got here,â Jimin said to you as he held your hand in his to stop you from leaving, âOne more drink.â
âItâs late,â You tried to say, âIâve got to be up early.â
âLiar, itâs a Saturday night, Y/n. Sit your ass back down,â Hobi said with a firm voice making you sit down immediately. He flashed you a cute smile before asking everyone if they wanted another round of drinks.
âSo, what were we talking about earlier?â Jungkook asked, trying to get you to talk to him again, âYour writing? Yeah, how can I forget it? Remember we used to read each otherâs essays all the time before⊠well.â
Before he broke up with your best friend.
âYeah, I remember,â You admitted, trying to find something to say. What kind of questions would Miyoung want to know? What do you want to know? What should you prepare your friend to know? âHow long are you visiting?â
âActually, I just moved back, I got a job doing graphic design for a local company,â Jungkook told you with the hint of a smile, âItâs my first time meeting up with everyone again.â
You let yourself indulge in small talk with him here and there but usually when he started it. The night had been fine, you enjoyed your time but after a while all you wanted to do was go home and Hoseok couldnât make you stay any longer. You ended your night wondering if you should go out more.
Everything has a backstory, right? How it all started and yours seems pretty tacky. You spent the first couple years of University doing what you had to do in school and letting Miyoung drag you to whatever outing she had on the weekends. Some time in your third year, you joined this English class with the most boring, monotonous professor ever and thatâs where you met Jungkook.
In all honesty, you thought he was cute from the get go. Sitting through three hours of a boring lecture led people to do odd things and one of those for you was staring at the cute guy who sat down a couple rows from you. It was just a little thing you did to pass time so you never expected anything to actually happen from it.
Then one day most of the seats were taken [naturally, it was a large class] and he seemed to have been running late because his usual cycle of seats were all taken except the one next to yours. Despite all those times you would find yourself ogling the stranger, when he was right next to you, you didnât say a single word.
It was Jungkook who spoke first and it was just to ask if you could help him catch up. That day you were supposed to read someone elseâs prompt and revise it and you chose each other which then trickled down to a routine of it. Without speaking much, he would sit next to you or silently save you a seat whenever you were running late and the one time you decided to switch it up and sit elsewhereâŠ
Well, he was practically pouting the whole day.
It had been a nearly perfect set up to what could have been if you just allowed yourself to go for things but it didnât happen that way.
One random Tuesday night, Miyoung wanted to go out for some cheap drinks and you found yourselves at a bar not too far from campus where you ran into a senior in one of your classes. Yoongi had come up to you first, just greeting you and making small talk when Jungkook who apparently had come with him, recognized you too.
They drank with you and Miyoung for a bit and you honestly thought it had been fun. You had never had real conversations with him outside of school work and it was nice to have more people to hang with that it just felt natural. Though at some point through the night Miyoung had gotten kind of flirty. She claims she assumed you had wanted Yoongi and not Jungkook and practically called dibs on him despite meeting him for the first time that night.
When she made her intents obvious, you couldnât help but backtrack.
You always considered yourself pretty self aware about yourself. There was nothing special really and when you compare yourself to Miyoung there just isnât much competition.
She was the perfect Prom Queen type who always had the nicest clothes or the cutest boyfriends, the best awards and most interesting stories. The amount of guys she would pull who you didnât even have a chance with was insane. And though you might sound bitter, youâre not. Youâve never been the type to want the spotlight or attention and being best friends with someone so damn perfect was that you could always stay in the shadows.
So when she started flirting with Jungkook, you didnât really notice his awkward glances or how he shied away from her proximity. You only saw how he smiled politely and listened to her go on and on about how great she is and assumed he was into her like all the others had been.
You tried to act normal after that, you would talk to him every now and then and never questioned why he stopped talking to you as much until he started dating Miyoung but you werenât bitter. You were understanding.
It made sense he would date her. She was beautiful and smart and someone people pine for. It was a given that that would happen so once again, you didnât take it personal.
They dated for a couple months [nothing serious at all] and then he dumped her which resulted in Miyoung practically forbidding you from even looking his way at all. You completed your last year without thinking about him despite the various mutual friends you shared and went on with your life when he moved.
That was the backstory and why you felt so awkward seeing him the other night.
You havenât told Miyoung yet because thereâs a high chance she wonât care at all and would get annoyed that you even thought to bring it up. Your friend is very pretty and she likes being in relationships so sheâs been in quite a few since they dated and probably doesnât care to be reminded at all.
The only person youâve told is Taehyung.
âBut did you at least have fun?â He asked as the two of you sat at a small restaurant for lunch. You nodded your head, âYeah, it was alright. It was just weird, for me at least.â
âWhy?â Taehyung asked as he dug into his meal, stuffing his mouth with no care in the world, âI mean itâs obvious everyone was happy to see you and didnât want you to leave. Who cares if Miyoung didnât go, clearly it didnât matter to anyone else.â
You didnât say anything, taking your time to enjoy your meal as you drifted off in thought. He is right, you know that sometimes itâs just in your head and you overthink things. You always feel like youâre boring to others so itâs natural for you to assume no one would be happy to see just you and not your bubble of joy best friend. There has to be a certain level of comfort between you and another person to show personality and itâs rare people get to see it.
âBut howâd it go with that guy? Did he ask you about her?â Taehyung asked with a hint of curiosity.
âNot that I can remember. I donât know, it was kind of awkward but we talked a bit,â You told him honestly, âHe just moved back down so thatâs cool I guess.â
Taehyung looked at you skeptically but you avoided his gaze, trying to distract yourself with your phone.
yoongi: throwing a welcome back party for jk this weekend, u coming?
you: idk, if Iâm free
yoongi: ⊠ur always freeđ€
yoongi: just say yes, bring whoever u want
you: but is he ok with me going
yoongi: y wouldnât he be
yoongi: heâs the one who asked me to make sure u come
you: okkkkkk đ„č
âTae, can you come with me to this party please?â You asked, immediately showing your friend your text messages leaning across the table for him to see them clearly.
Taehyungâs brows furrowed as he read through the texts carefully, âJungkook is the ex boyfriend, right? Whyâs he so interested in you going?â
âHeâs not,â you said, âHeâs probably just doing it to be nice, since everyone I know will be there.â
âWhat if heâs⊠yâknow, interested?â Taehyung asked curiously and you nearly choked on your drink.
âNo, oh my god,â You couldnât help but roll your eyes, âWe were just classmates and we stopped talking after he dumped Miyoung soââ
âYeah but did you ever stop to think âhm, Iâm the one who knew this guy first and then Miyoung went and snatched him from me before I even got a chance to exploreâ,â Taehyung said in a high pitched voice, presumably mocking yours. You reached over to playfully shove his shoulder making him grin mischievously.
âWhat? No, it wasnât like that at all,â You tried to say, âHim and I didnât even really talk until the night he met her at the bar and⊠no, thatâs crazy. He liked Miyoung right away.â
Taehyung just sighed, giving up on trying to get through to you, âIf you say so, but whoâs the one he approached first? Because I can tell you right now it wasnât her.â
Despite how he expresses himself when he talks about your best friend, he doesnât dislike her. He thinks Miyoung is alright, maybe a little too much for his tastes but that doesnât mean anything. He understands the two of you are really close and although he has had many chances to befriend her too, he just hasnât.
Heâll talk to her if you force them to hang out together but he would never go out of his way to be her friend. It might sound bad but Taehyung is pretty protective over you and rightfully so, he feels.
He doesnât want to badmouth one of his closest friends but you have a tendency to overthink things. You donât realize how great you are and make yourself seem smaller and he thinks Miyoung and other people like her in your life are at fault. Heâs heard some of the things she says to you and itâs like you hold her up so highly thereâs no room for you to see how pretty, smart, and talented you are. And before anyone gets the wrong idea, heâs not in love with you or anything.
Youâre too good for him so he gave up on that idea long ago.
Plus, now that heâs able to connect some of those pieces from when you were in Uni, some things are clicking into place for him. Miyoung tends to dim your light a bit, or copy something you do and claim it as her own and when he hears this little backstory between all of your old college friends⊠he just canât help but wonder if Jungkook was one of those things she claimed for herself.
With that thought in mind, he agreed to go with you to this party and see for himself what is there and what could be. He just wants whatâs best for you and for you to be able to go and get it without worrying youâre not good enough or stepping on anyoneâs toes.
When Friday night came, your apartment was filled with loud music and even louder complaints coming from one person in particular. Taehyung was just listening to you and Miyoung go back and forth about tonightâs plans and it got to the point where you couldnât say anything but the truth about what you would be doing tonight.
âItâs a welcome back party for Jungkook,â You said, trying your hardest not to let your voice sound strained.
âWhat? When did he get back?â Miyoung asked, sitting up from your bed and tossing your pillow off her lap, âLike he moved back?â
âYeah, I guess not too long ago,â You said with a shrug, looking in your mirror to see if you liked the way you looked or not, âI donât know, Yoongi is the one who invited me.â
âWhy didnât I know? Why wasnât I invited?â Miyoung asked, turning to Taehyung like he would have the answers.
âProbably because youâre his ex girlfriend and you ditched out on their little reunion so you could party,â Taehyung said, not bothering to look up from his phone.
âYeah but, whyâd they ask Y/n? Sheâs not even friends with him,â Miyoung said with a slight scoff, âYouâre not actually going right? We could go out, just the three of us. You already hung out with them, you and I havenât gone out in weeks, letâs just do our own thing. Unless youâre trading me in for all of them.â
You looked at her with apologetic eyes. Youâve been busy with work recently and she is right. The last people you hung out with aside from Taehyung were all of them two weekends ago so it would only be fair to hang out with her this time. It shouldnât mean anything that you were invited and that Jungkook wanted to make sure you were going. Miyoung was supposed to be your best friend so how could you go to a party she wasnât invited to?
Just as you were going to give in and shoot Yoongi a text that you werenât going to make it, Taehyung spoke up for you. âWhy donât you just come with? One of them said Y/n can bring whoever she wants and Iâm already going so itâs not like you have to be by yourself. Plus, arenât the rest of them supposed to be your friends too? Y/n already agreed.â
âWhy didnât you ask me first?â
âI didnât realize I needed permission,â You couldnât help but sigh, sitting on the edge of the bed to comfort her, âWe can just stop by, have a drink or two and leave if itâs lame. Come on.â
After much convincing, the three of you arrive at Yoongiâs place which was a small house with good outdoor space and the inside was packed with people already. The amount of party goers made you anxious but at the same time slightly thrilled that surely the attention would never be on you with so many people around.
âY/n! Miyoung!â Namjoon spotted you two first and he threw his arms around you both with a grin, âSurprised to see you here, Mimi.â
âYeah, probably because I was the only one not invited,â Miyoung said bitterly, making Namjoon take a drink from his cup and look away nervously.
âLetâs get you guys drinks then,â He said with an awkward clear of his throat looking to Taehyung, âWhatâs up, Iâm Namjoon.â
âTaehyung,â he said, following you to the drinks table. The music played loudly and there were a lot of people having a good time that it was somewhat easy to try and blend in and act normal. Miyoung had a pout on her face, looking around worried but Namjoon brightened her mood and every now and then another friend would stop by to greet her. Taehyung mostly clung to you and only drifted away when a friend would spark conversation with you but you were thankful he was around.
âY/n,â someone called out to you from across the room. You couldnât make them out through the crowd of people and it took a while before you spotted Jungkook making his way to your direction.
âJungkook,â you said with a nervous breath, looking around for Miyoung but she was off with Namjoon talking about god knows what.
âHow long have you been here? Why didnât you say anything?â Jungkook asked, slightly more energetic than usual. His hair was messy, with strands out of place, he wore a basic black tee and baggy jeans so why did he look good? Itâs still hard for you to wrap your mind around who this is.
Heâs gotten so muscular and just⊠more intimidating with his tattoo sleeve and piercings and itâs so unexpected but in a good way.
âI, um, you know, I just assumed you were busy,â you lied, looking around for one of your friends. Taehyung was at the table getting a drink and heâll be back soon to save you before Miyoung looks around.
Jungkook found himself looking around too, as if he could see what you did but he came up short, âDid you come with anyone?â
âYeah, Miyoung and a friend of mine,â you rushed the words out in hopes of sounding casual but Jungkook didnât even bat an eye.
âSo what are you doing alone?â He asked with a raised brow, taking a step closer to you, âActually, thereâs something thatâs been on my mind since last time I saw you and I uh⊠I havenât had the chance to say it.â
You blinked nervously, looking up at him and how close he was to you, âWhat is it?â
He licked his lips, playing with his lip rings shyly, âWell, I was wondering if you would like to get together some time, just you and I. Weâve never had the chance to hang out.â
âWeâre hanging out right now, arenât we?â You asked, feigning naivety that almost seemed teasing. In truth, you could sense what he was possibly asking and you needed him to stop. There was no reason for you two to hang out alone, no matter how much the thought made you giddy.
âI guess,â Jungkook couldnât help but let his eyebrows knit together in confusion. He took another step closer to you, hand on the wall behind you for support. , âBut I was still hoping⊠I know itâs probably kind of awkward but weâre grown, right? We can get together without worrying about anyone else.â
âWho says itâs because Iâm worried?â You asked with a hint of playfulness in an attempt to ease some of the growing tension caused by the way he looked at you, âWhere is this coming from all of a sudden?â
That made him crack a smile, âAll of a sudden?â
âYes, all of a sudden,â another voice added in from behind him and you jumped at the sound. Jungkook didnât bother to turn around, he was more focused on the way you tried to look behind him and meet Miyoungâs glare.
âWhereâd you run off to?â You asked, pushing past him making Jungkook slide his hand off the wall and roll his eyes at the disruption.
âSomewhere I felt wanted,â she said bitterly, eyes on Jungkook as she spoke to you, âLetâs go, Iâm bored.â
âI thought you were having a good tiââ
âIâm not, Y/n,â Miyoung almost snapped, âYou said we could have a drink and go. Weâve been here for like forever and I want to leave. Thatâs what we agreed on.â
âOkay, jeez, letâs go then,â You said with a sigh, âLet me find Taehyung.â
âGo, then,â Miyoung said, making you take a deep breath, trying to tell yourself she had a right to be upset. She didnât want you [as her best friend] talking to her ex boyfriend. And you did say you didnât have to stick around for longâŠ
âWhat?â Miyoung asked Jungkook with a roll of her eyes as she caught him staring, âDid I interrupt something?â
âYou still donât know how to speak to people like theyâre human beings,â Jungkook said simply, âAnd itâs sad to watch.â
âScrew you,â Miyoung scoffed, âYouâre just mad I stopped you from trying to ask my best friend out. My friends are off limits.â
âShe was my friend too,â Jungkook said as a reminder, âAnd I can do whatever I want. Youâre just childish.â
She snorted, âRight, says the guy who fumbled me.â
He couldnât seem to act mature anymore and before he stop himself he said, âRemember, youâre not the one I wanted anyway.â
He walked off without much care for how she felt and found his other friends, wondering who it was you ran off to find.
âTae, can we go now?â You asked your friend. Taehyung had found himself a group of people to entertain with his stories and had nearly forgotten who he had tagged along with until you pulled him to the side.
âUh, okay,â Taehyung cleared his throat awkwardly, âWhat happened? I thought everyone was having a good time.â
âMiyoung wants to leave,â You said with a small sigh, âShe saw me talking to Jungkook and I just donât want it to become this big problem so can we please just go?â
Taehyung placed an arm on your shoulder, leading you to Miyoung who waited at the door, âYeah, sure letâs go.â
The car had only stayed silent for the first half of the drive to Miyoungâs apartment. Somewhere between the last red light and this short stretch of road, a fire had been lit underneath her which made her start up again.
âSo what was that back there?â Miyoung asked from the backseat and you debated just acting asleep or like you were too drunk to listen properly. She leaned forward, looking at you closely.
âWhat do you mean?â You asked nervously.
âYou know exactly what I mean,â Miyoun said with an annoyed tone, âFirst you get invited to a party for my ex boyfriend and next thing I know the two of you are whispering in the corner looking like youâre about to kiss and like Iâm not even in the room.â
Taehyung had to bite his tongue from responding, worried that if he spoke too soon it would only make you seem more weak to her antics. He just tapped his fingers against the window trying to keep silent
âMiyoung,â You started with a sigh, âYouâre overreacting. It was nothing, weâre friendsââ
âSince when?â Miyoung scoffed, âYouâre supposed to be my friend, Y/n.â
âI am,â You said defensively, âAnd if you want to talk about this tomorrow then thatâs fine but right now itâs late and weâve all been having a decent time so donât ruin itâŠâ
âY/nâs right, letâs end the night on a good note,â Taehyung finally said but he seemed to go ignored by you two.
âYouâre not though, real friends wouldnât flirt with their best friendâs ex boyfriendââ
âYou two dated for less than five months and it was years ago,â You blurted out, âI knew him before that so donât act like Iâm betraying you.â
âOh my god, I knew youâd still be bitter I started seeing him,â Miyoung said, suddenly making you hide your face in your hand from exhaustion. âI didnât know you had a thing for him back then. You shouldâve said something instead of holding it against me like you do everything else.â
âWhat are you talking about?â You couldnât help but scoff.
Miyoungâs eyes narrowed suspiciously, âYou know exactly what Iâm talking about and itâs not fair.â
Taehyung took a deep breath, fingers clenched around the steering wheel unable to bite his tongue any longer, âMiyoung I donât think youâre being fair. Youâre clearly drunk and you just want to argââ
âShut up, Taehyung,â She snapped, slurring on her words a bit and not even realizing the car came to a stop in front of her building, âIâm not even talking you and you can stop acting like Y/nâs bodyguard because last time I checked sheâs a grown adult who could speak for herself. God, I swear everyone is the same. Just because Y/n is boring and insecure, doesnât mean she doesnât know how to speak for herself.â
âGet out. Weâre at your place so just go,â Taehyung said, annoyed with the harshness she was projecting on you, âY/n might put up with you but I wonât.â
With an irritated scoff, she swung the back door open, âFine, screw you guys too.â
The door slammed shut as she stormed up to her apartment and Taehyung waited till she was gone to say, âFuck, what did that girl drink? Y/n, why do you put up with that? Hey.â
You stayed silent for a moment letting her words sink in. Whatever, she yelled and threw a tantrum, thatâs fine, thatâs normal. But she seriously thinks youâre just a bore and maybe youâre starting to believe it too. If it werenât for you always being cautious over how she might feel about you and what you do, you wouldnât seem so boring.
Or was that just how you were and now youâre trying to say itâs because of Miyoung? Jeez, you just canât seem to make up your mind about anything but all you know is that⊠youâre not boring. Well, you donât have to be. If she wants to think that always backing up whatever she says makes you boring, then maybe itâs time you just do what you want even if she doesnât like it.
âTae, can you do me a favor,â You finally said, making him look over at you curiously. The car is still parked in front of Miyoungâs place and heâs been waiting for you to speak anyway, âWhat?â
âTake me back to the party please.â
Miyoung was wrong, if you were boring itâs because she made you boring. Anytime you did anything on your own, she always had to ruin it and you just let her. You just let Miyoung monopolize your time and make you her right-hand in everything. Youâve never gotten the chance to truly put yourself out there because you firmly believed you didnât compare.
Maybe you needed to stop overthinking and just do what you want, be confidentâor at least act like you are.
âY/n! Youâre back?â Yoongi asked once you made it to the party again, âLet me tell you, I was mad because I thought you left before even talking to me.â
âIâm so very sorry,â You said playfully, âBut do you know where Jungkook is?â
He seemed to freeze up, surprise written on his face and he looked down at you questioning. You held his gaze, watching the wheels turn in his head before he was blurting out, âI donât know. The bathroom?â
You blinked nervously, letting him slip away from you when someone called for him and were left standing there. Your mind was racing with ideas yet you couldnât think of what to do.
What did you expect coming back?
What does this prove?
You feel anxious and insecure and maybe she was right, youâre boring and you donât even speak up or do anything exciting.
âJungkook?â You called out to him as you walked down the hall of doors, knocking or opening whichever door you landed on. You got to the last door with a bated breath, realizing itâs a bedroom and closed yourself in.
Your sense of bravado had been short lived. Whatever burst of confidence you had was completely gone now that you sat alone in the guest room contemplating just going home or not.
In all honesty, this was stupid from the very beginning. You let Miyoungâs words get to you and you acted before you could think. You didnât need to prove anything. Plus, you donât want Jungkook. Maybe once before you did⊠but not⊠anymore?
God, you felt like an idiot.
âY/n?â
Your heart dropped with a sense of disbelief as you looked up. The once pitch black room was illuminated by a block of light from the open bathroom door. Jungkook stood at the doorway, brows furrowed as he looked at who sat on the bed.
âJungkook,â you cleared your throat awkwardly.
âYouâre back?â He asked, looking you up and down with a hint of suspicion. You nodded your head silently, making him blink with confusion.
You stood up from the bed suddenly, âAre you done in there?â
âUh, yeah,â he moved out of your way, watching you closely as you closed the door in his face before he could say anything else.
Maybe this had been a sign that you didnât want to talk to him but he couldnât bring himself to leave the privacy in the bedroom to go out where everyone else was. He could hear the faucet running but oblivious to how you wet your face to try and snap yourself out of this strange mood before drying off. When you opened the door, you didnât expect to see him standing there right in front of you.
âEverything alright?â He asked, halfway in the doorway, walking forward making you step deeper into the bathroom.
âYeah, everythingâs great,â you said with a strained smile, backing away, âJustâwhat about you? Has it been fun, this is all for you, right?â
âI guess,â Jungkook shrugged, âBut it would have been more fun if you stayed.â
âGood thing I came back then,â you couldnât help but laugh nervously, leaning against the sink counter.
âGood thing,â Jungkook licked his dry lips, âY/n, about what I was saying earlier⊠I would honestly like for us together sometime, just the two of us.â
A small, shy smile appeared on your lips as you thought about earlier and repeated yourself playfully, âWeâre hanging out right now, arenât we?â
âI guess,â he blinked in confusion, looking down at you and struggling to keep his composure. Your response was a bit of a let down since he hoped you had come back to see him and he should have known better. You would never take him seriously after his mess with Miyoung and he was always reaching for the stars thinking it could work out.
Plus, youâre too good for him. You always have been.
He canât explain why, but heâs always felt a sense of ease with you, like everything was perfect. As shameful as it is to admit, Miyoung had reasons to be worried.
When they dated⊠well, it didnât stop him from thinking about you from time to time. Miyoung was aware of it too and he looks back on it now and realizes how wrong he was then. It was wrong for him to think about you when he was never able to have you, and he will be much less now.
âAm I wrong? Is it not just the two of us now?â You asked, swallowing the lump in your throat and looking to the bathroom door which was closed some time ago.
âY/n,â he said it softly but you could sense his warning tone, like you were going to get yourself in trouble. Jungkook wanted to believe you were aware of what this looked like yet he knew there was a chance you werenât. He couldnât just go for it.
He could not just go for it.
Not even if you looked up at him with a look in your eyes that said you might want him toâŠ
He could be dreaming it up.
Would you want him to?
No. No way, you would never, thatâs how this all started right? You wouldnât want him the way he wanted you and youâll go be with someone else while he beats himself up for another failed attempt. Heâs not in college anymore, he canât make the same mistakes.
You do not want him.
âY/n,â he said with a sigh, âI think we should get out nââ
It was soft but sudden. One second he was giving up on everything he had been hoping for and was ready to go on once again without telling you how he really felt. The next, your lips were on his, barely giving him a chance to feel the tenderness of it before pulling away with a gasp.
âJungkook,â you covered your mouth with your hand, âOh my god. Iâm s-sorry, I, that was not okay. I shouldnât have done that.â
You were rambling, apologizing for doing it without asking him first but in all honesty, he couldnât hear you anymore. There was a strange ringing in his ear that only seemed to stop when he grabbed your face in his hands, and pulled you into a real kiss.
To keep yourself from leaning back too far, you wrapped your arms around his neck and met him the rest of the way. You kissed him back with an equal sense of urgency that had his eyes falling shut and letting himself get lost in the moment. Your lips were soft against his own and his lip rings felt cold on your tongue the first couple times.
At one point you surprised him by nipping at his piercings with a soft tug and it had his hands tightening around your waist, using his strength to pull you onto the counter with ease. It made it easier to kiss you and he let the small sigh you let out guide his tongue between your lips. Your hands were in his dark hair, and you surprised him with the way you took lead of the kiss. It felt like he was melting into you and it was doing things to him.
âY/n,â he mumbled softly, âI want you so bad.â
You pulled back from him with widened eyes. It was the first time you heard him sound that way and you knew he meant it. He looked at you with an intense gaze and it felt good to be looked at that way by him. You wanted him too, right? Thatâs why you came back. That's why you were so upset back then. Why canât you have him now?
What was really stopping you?
Nothing.
The second time he kissed you, you didnât hesitate from doing more and it had his mouth dropping when he felt your hand trace down his toned chest. He let that feeling motivate his hands to do the same to you and they ran along your sides till he could feel your front. His hands slipped under your top and found your chest, gently reaching to touch you as he kissed you with his tongue.
Your fingers trailed down his navel to the waistband of his jeans, tugging softly and teasingly that you felt the way he sucked in a shaky breath. When he didnât pull away to tell you to stop, you took it as a sign to go a little farther and undo the button and zipper. Jungkookâs rough fingers caressed your breasts ever so softly but with an added pressure that made you let out a small sigh, especially when he ran his thumb over your nipples.
He released a light groan against your lips when you got more confident in your actions and slipped into the hem of his Calvin Kleinâs. You barely touched his growing member but you felt it harden against you, the more attention you gave to it and it was all just exciting to you. His kisses were needy and his rough hands felt so good against your sensitive buds that you couldnât hold yourself back. You wanted to make him feel good too and you could tell you were.
Jungkook helped you tug his jeans down enough for you to have more reign over him and you touched his bare dick so softly. The first touch was light and teasing, like you were still letting him get lost in the feeling before you actually did anything but it was soft that it made a tingle run down his spine. Goosebumps rose on his skin and blood ran straight to his cock making it easier for you softly palm him to full hardness.
You circled your fingers around his tip, softly running your thumb around the ring feeling him twitch with need and softly sliding down to his base.
His movement grew rougher, he was no longer softly caressing your breasts but more groping, never getting enough for the softness of them. When you began to stroke him gently, he found it hard to keep himself from digging his nails into your flesh to ground himself and it made a hand of his fall to your leg. His palm was wide and flat against your inner thigh, tracing his lips down your jaw and to your neck to try and distract himself from getting too lost into the feeling.
âFuck,â he huffed, licking his dry lips as he began to slowly fuck into your closed fist, deaf to the sound of music just outside the bedroom you two were hiding in. The bathroom felt even smaller at this point yet he couldnât bring himself to put a stop to it now. Especially not when your hand began to fuck his cock faster, with more vigor as he twitched in your hold making his nails dig into your thigh harshly.
Your skirt was scrunched up around your hips at this point and he could see the soft blue of your laced underwear and couldnât stop himself anymore. He had grown too curious to have you and with his hand so close already, he let his thumb trace along your covered folds.
They were already sensitive at this point and his sudden touch made your insides tighten with arousal, your back straightened in surprise and a light moan left your lips. The sound snapped his attention away from his own pleasure and when he did it again, he swallowed your moan with his mouth on yours.
He couldnât take thing slow anymore, especially not when his dick felt so close to the edge already and was trying not to cum all over your hand and so soon.
You were withering against him, squirming on the counter to feel more of his hand against your heat. Your fingers tightened in his hair when he reached under to the hem of your panties, pulling them down as far as he could. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he tugged them down your thighs. Jungkook pulled away from your lips with a slight groan as he brought his fingers to your lips. He pressed into your bottom lip watching close as you drew your mouth open and took them in. As you licked between two fingers, your handâs stroking sped up with more pressure that had him pushing them deeper down your throat.
When he pulled them out there was an obvious line of drool connecting his fingertips to your lips and he brought his hand between your legs once more. The mixture between his rough fingers and the slick that now coated them made a tingle run down your spine when they ran along your folds. You pinched the fabric of his shirt as he circled your hardening clit with his middle finger while his index finger began to tease your sensitive labor.
He ran the longer finger down your slit, dipping into the puddle of arousal that formed at your center before using it to wet your clit and massage you gently.
You looked into his eyes as he finally pressed his middle finger into your waiting cunt, giving you a second to respond and he couldnât help but let his lips slip open with heavy breaths. Your hand stopped its actions as you took in the feeling of him pulling out his finger before pushing it forward once more. Each time felt hotter than the last and it made him want to take things further. When he thought you adjusted enough, he teased the tip of his ring finger in with his middle one and kept a steady pace of thrusting.
At this point you began to stroke him again, rubbing against his mushroom tip where a thick vein was felt along the underside of it. Your hips had began to move with the motion of his hand and you were fucking his fingers into you while fucking his cock with a closed fist. The both of you were left speechless, unsure how long you had been locked away in the bathroom but not caring either.
You felt more impatient than him but you couldnât help it. You canât remember the last time you let someone else touch you and none felt quite like this. Jungkook seemed to know where to kiss, where to press or pay attention to and he never left a part of you untouched. Even now as he thrusted his fingers into you, his other hand was at your chest again, fingers pinching your nipple and tugging harshly but it brought little whines from your lips.
âJungkook,â You were breathlessly calling for him and youâre sure that if your back wasnât to the mirror, you would be able to see how desperate you looked to him. Your other hand was on his hips, pulling him forward in hopes of getting him to get the hint that you needed more, âFuck me.â
âWhat?â He asked with heavy breaths, looking down at the way the tip of his cock pressed against your inner thigh now, âReally?â
âPlease,â You found yourself begging, desperately begging for him to give you something and oh, how it worked.
His eyes rolled back at the soft sound of your begs and with a hand on your thigh, he pulled you harshly to the edge of the counter. He placed his hand over yours and stroked himself once, twice, to slick his member with your arousal and his own.
His cock was hot to the touch and pointed straight to your waiting entrance. He had made such a mess of you already that when he pressed his tip into your clit, it nearly slid down from how wet you are. You had to bite your lip to keep from whining too loud when he teased you with that repeated motion, wetting his tip more and feeling the way your walls tightened and released for him.
Your back was fully against the mirror now, legs open waiting for him and you were getting impatient. The anticipo had been building up for too long and you brought your hand between your legs. All it took was a soft push down for his cock to sink into your waiting pussy.
His jaw went slack at the sudden tightness of it, he hadnât expected it to be so snug. His tip barely pushed against the ring of nerves and your facial expression matched his own when he kept going. He held your thighs open, guiding himself in with a deep breath.
âFucking hell,â he growled lowly, hands trembling as he kept you open and ready to take him in. He looked up at your eyes, completely enamored by the way your features softened with pleasure. Your eyes were glazed over with obvious lust that made him want to just fuck you into oblivion.
âOh my god,â your hand circled around his neck, pulling him into a sloppy wet kiss that left him biting your lip softly. He groaned against your lips as he picked up the pace of his thrusting, letting his cock drag against your puffy walls so that you could feel every juncture on his length. Your back was arched into him, your chest nearly pressed against his and he snuck his arm around your waist to pull you firmly against him.
âThatâs it baby,â Jungkook groaned into your ear, gripping onto the counter with his free hand to fuck you better. You were on the edge of the sink and he bucked his hips up to reach that pleasure spot he had found with his fingers just moments ago and had you moaned loudly into his ear, âYou sound pretty, tell me how it feels.â
âFeels good,â you whispered softly against his neck, lips teasing kisses against his skin that made the veins in his arms bulge, âDonât stop, please.â
âNgh, Y/n, beg for me,â Jungkook said with a deep voice filled with lust as he fucked you with all his strength. There were too many layers of clothing between you but neither of you seemed to have the time or energy to tear them off. You were both too focused on the pleasure that came from feeling his skin against yours.
Your legs tightened around his waist forcing more of his length into your sopping cunt and his fingers pinched your sides roughly. Without thinking, Jungkook lifted you off the counter. You clung to him as he stepped back and he needed a second to just feel the way your pussy tightened around his hard, thick cock. He wanted to dig into your guts and it was nasty how badly he wanted to have you cum all over him.
It was so unexpected because you always came off as a quiet, reserved person but here you were letting him tear you in two with his fat dick. Jungkook used his strength to push you against the door, letting you drop onto his length before backing his hips up and pistoning them back into you.
âFuck, I canât,â your legs tightened around him with your face digging into his neck, âJungkook, baby, I canât.â
âYou can,â He whispered, pressing you firmly into the wall, âCome on baby, take it.â
âToo much,â You whined, squeezing your eyes shut as he picked up the pace and you searched around for something to hold. Your hand tightened around the doorknob, trying to anchor yourself as he fucked you so good you could barely focus on anything but the pleasure, âIâm so close.â
Jungkookâs hand held you firmly by the waist while the other cupped your ass, groping you harshly as he fucked you onto his length trying to make you cum, âCum baby, for me. Yeah?â
âYeah,â you moaned, âKiss me, please?â
He didnât hesitate to do so, kissing you with tongue as you clung to him, moaning into his ear and shaking slightly. His knees buckled tightly to hold you up and just as he gave one final thrust to the hilt, he felt your orgasm hit you.
Your walls tightened around him, nearly bringing him to his own orgasm before feeling his tip get flooded with your release. His thighs shook with the pressure of it and he felt his strength leaving him. His abdomen grew tense and he pushed you back to the counter where you let your head fall back with pleasure. You swallowed dryly, panting heavily, âOh my god.â
You were sweaty, tired and overall unsure what to think but your mind hadnât cleared yet. All you could focus on was the way Jungkookâs dick throbbed painfully hard when he pulled out of you with a slight pop. You eyed his red member, slightly hypnotized by how pretty it looked and you dropped to your knees wordlessly.
Jungkook watched you slip down on your knees in front of him and it took him a moment to process what was going on. He was hard, so fucking hard he couldnât think straight and it wasnât until your hands held his thighs, eyeing his cock hungrily did he realize what you wanted to do. He brought a hand fo attempt and gently brush your hair back, âY/n, baby, you donât have tâoh fuck.â
His jaw went slack when your hands circled his base, your lips on his tip and taking him down your throat suddenly. Your nose brushed against the base of his cock, eyes watering as you tried relaxing your throat around him and he nearly stumbled back with surprise, âY/n.â
You ignored his call of your name, and began to bob your head against his length, your tongue licking along the thick vein you discovered earlier and feeling his hands sink into your hair to guide you, âThatâs it, fuck.â
Jungkook looked at his reflection in the mirror, turned on by the way your head was seen bobbing against his length and his body was overheating so much he had to pull his shirt over his toned chest to cool down. It gave him a perfect view of the way his cock disappeared between your lips.
The thought of having you like this hadnât dawned on him yet but now he couldnât forget it. The memory would always be ingrained in his mind and although he doesnât know if heâll never get a chance to do this again, he couldnât hold it in any longer.
You gradually began to pick up the pace, using your hands to hold closed fists around his cock to help stroke what didnât fit in your mouth. You swallowed and bobbed around his dick hungrily, moaning around him and hollowing your cheeks when you would pull your head back until only his tip was between your lips.
As ashamed as he was to admit it, he wasnât going to be able to hold himself back anymore. Still wanting to warn you, he tried to guide your head off him, âIâm close.â
All it did was push you to take him deeper, stopping when he hit the back of your throat and sucked. Jungkookâs eyes squeezed shut with a loud growl as his orgasm hit him harder than it had in a very long time.
You coughed as his cum sprayed down your throat, thick and creamy with a bittersweet taste that you tried to lick up. You wouldâve cleaned him off fully despite his legs shaking but he pulled you off. He pulled his softening dick out of your wet mouth with a huff, panting heavily as he looked down at you.
âY/n,â his voice was dry, pulling you up to your feet, âThat wasâŠâ
He couldnât even get the words out as he watched you lick the corner of your lips and without thinking about it, he pulled you into a heated kiss. You kissed him back with need, moaning against him as his tongue circled around yours hungrily, not caring for the way he tased on you. You only broke away to catch your breath, realization dawning at you as you looked at his messy appearance that surely mirrored yours.
You sat against the counter for a moment, attempting to catch your breath as Jungkook did the same. The two of you were silently readjusting your clothes again and you needed just a moment to yourself. He looked at you, buttoning his jeans back up, âIs everything⊠okay?â
âYeah, um, can I just get a minute,â You said with a hoarse voice trying to pretend like you couldnât see the way his shoulders slumped down. With a short nod of his head, he left the bathroom to let you wash up and for a moment you just looked at yourself in the mirror.
Your reflection looked different, maybe because what you had just done was so out of character and with your best friendâs ex but⊠why did it feel right?
Jungkook wondered what would happen now, if you expected him to leave the room or wait for you but he wanted to be with you. He didnât want to walk out and think that because he got something heâs been wanting for years now, heâll just leave. He knows the others are looking for him, mostly because heâs gotten a few texts now asking where heâs at but he canât bring it in himself to care. When you opened the bathroom door into the dark room, he looked like a deer caught in headlights, rushing to his feet, âAre you sure everything is fine?â
âYeah, yes,â you nodded stiffly, âIf you want to go out there with everyone else thatâs fine. I wonât be upset or anything.â
âWell, I was kind of wondering if you wanted to come back to mine?â
The first thing you noticed the following morning aside from the sun shining down on your face was the heavy arm across your waist. It made your eyes flutter awake with a small huff leaving your lips as you attempted to stretch your limbs but it tightened around you, securing you closer to Jungkookâs naked chest.
âMorning,â he mumbled sleepily into your hair as he hugged you closer.
âWhat time is it?â You asked awkwardly, trying to sit up making his arm slide to your hips instead. You reached for your cell phone, eyes widening by the number of text messages.
miyoung: bye I was drunkkkkkk đł
miyoung: did I đ€ź at all?
miyoung: r u alive
miyoung: helloooooooo
A quiet sigh escaped your lips as you read it over. Either she couldnât remember how upset she was in the car or sheâs going to pretend like nothing at all happened.
God, what did you do?
âY/n,â Jungkook grumbled tiredly, âLay back down.â
âI should go,â You bit your lip nervously. If Miyoung forgot what happened last night then maybe she forgot about Jungkook asking you and wonât know you⊠slept with him. Fuck, were you a bad friend?
He dated your best friend and dumped her out of the blue making it obvious he wanted nothing to do with her and here you are letting him fuck you in the bathroom. What did that make you? You had a poor lapse of judgment last night, you acted out of character and hadnât been behaving like yourself at all.
âWhy?â He sat up suddenly, âYou donât work today, right? Why donât we go grab breakfastâwell, brunch.â
You looked down at him, unable to stop yourself from taking in his appearance. He had bed hair, no shirt on and his blanket draped over his waist. He failed to take off his jewelry last night so he still wears silver chain necklaces around his neck and leather bracelets. You couldnât possibly spend time with him still. It wasnât right, right?
Just as you were ready to give him your answer, your phone began to vibrate with an incoming call. You looked down at the screen and a picture of you and Miyoung displayed on the screen that had Jungkook huffing quietly and laying back down, close to giving up.
In all honesty, you werenât in the mood to talk to her. It still bothered you by how harsh she was last night but thereâs a chance she doesnât even remember and⊠âHello?â
âTell me why I have a raging headache when I barely drank last night?â Miyoung said immediately once the call went through, âItâs your fault yâknow for upsetting me.â
You couldnât see her but she was walking on a treadmill in her apartment acting like everything was completely normal. Jungkook didnât care for your conversation either but he was focused on the way you looked first thing in the morning.
You looked cute, undeniably cute with circles under your eyes and a disheveled appearance. You wore an oversized shirt of his so you wouldnât have to sleep in such uncomfortable clothes and he loved it. You looked good in his clothes.
Without thinking, he sat up and pressed his lips to yours in a short and surprising kiss. You flinched back with confusion, nearly dropping your phone in the process but he backed away with a small smile. You tried to glare at him but you couldnât stop from smiling and it annoyed you when he placed a gentle kiss against your neck that made you feel flustered. You almost forgot you were on the phone when he leaned in for a kiss again and one you would surely grant.
âBut I forgive you,â Miyoung said suddenly.
âWhat?â
âI forgive you, Iâm over it,â Miyoung said with a shrug you couldnât see, âOur friendship means more to me than Jungkook and I know you would never do anything that you know would upset me so⊠itâs whatever. In the past.â
âWait,â You held up a hand to Jungkook as you said it to the both of them, âWhen did I apologize?â
He stopped immediately, looking at you with concern as Miyoung went on, âI mean, we both know you were going to. Iâm just letting you know itâs alright.â
âNo, Miyoung, I wasnât going to,â you couldnât help but scoff, âI havenât done anything wrong.â
Technically.
Jungkook raised his brows, surprised by your tone and a little turned on? Was that okay to say?
âI didnât mean it like that, but you know⊠you were flirting with the guy who dumped me,â Miyoung said, âItâs fine, whatever, you want to flirt with Jungkook, I donât care anymore I just thought I meant more to you as a friend.â
You didnât say anything for a moment as you looked down at Jungkook who couldnât seem to go more than a minute without attention. He had your free hand in his measuring your size difference and you released a sigh, âYou know what, Iâm kind of busy right now so Iâll call you later.â
Miyoung wasnât able to get a word in before you ended the call, turning your attention to Jungkook, âYouâre getting me in trouble, sir.â
âIâm terribly sorry,â he said, biting back a grin, âHow should I make it up to you? Brunch?â
âYouâre still thinking about that?â You asked with a slight laugh.
It was strange trying not to let your best friendâs feelings bring you down too.
âIâm hungry,â Jungkook said, hand on his toned stomach for detail.
âI donât have clothes or, I donât know, a toothbrush,â you couldnât help but sound sarcastic, falling back on the bed with an arm on his chest.
âDonât worry, I got you.â
In the end you caved to his incessant begging and found yourself dressed as casual as ever with an oversized tee and the skirt you wore last night clashing horribly. The only thing that had you regretting it was what stood [parked] in front of you.
âYouâre not serious, are you?â You asked as you watched him walk up to you with a helmet in his hands, âI canât get on that.â
âYou can,â Jungkook said, putting it over your head, âIâm a very safe driver.â
âWhat about your car?â You asked nervously as he buckled[?] you into the head gear, âCanât we just go in that.â
âWe can but that wonât impress you,â Jungkook snorted a laugh as he got his own helmet on, âCome on Y/n, I wonât kill you, donât worry.â
With a small sigh you nodded, letting him lead you to the bike and he swung a leg over to straddle it and patted the seat right behind him. Frankly, you didnât care that you were in a skirt. You know that thereâs an appropriate way for people in skirts to straddle something but you cared more about living so you straddled it the way he did. Jungkook couldnât help but smile as he felt the softer touch of your hands on his waist and without saying a word, he pulled you into him suddenly. Your chest was pressed to his back and your arms snug around his waist.
âAtta girl, no time to be shy now,â he chuckled, feeling you smack his arm playfully.
If he were being honest, he liked this side of you. Heâs never seen it before and it was breathtaking and enjoyable. Before when you were just classmates you were still stand offish from him and the only night he got you to open up was the first time he ran into you and met Miyoung. It was short lived and once he dated her, he rarely got to see you alone.
When he got back, you would barely even look at him yet whatever spurred last nightâs events seemed to open up new possibilities for you two. You havenât talked about what happened but heâs expecting it almost excitedly.
Jungkookâs hand ran up your thighs, securing you to him as he started up the motorcycle, feeling the smoothness of your leg and teasing the end of your skirt with a small tug, âReady?â
He felt you squeeze harder before taking off.
The cafe was small and filled with warmth making this feel oddly close to a date⊠which is probably because it was? Youâre still not sure how to take it.
âDid I really get you in trouble?â Jungkook asked as he cut his breakfast sandwich in half before doing the same with yours. When you looked at him he looked concerned by the notion. You didnât have to ask to know what he was referring to and you couldnât help but sigh, âNot really, sorry, it was more my fault than anyââ
âWhy though?â Jungkook cut you off, âWhy is it always your fault? You canât talk to me now?â
âYou know we didnât just talk,â you bit your lip nervously. You couldnât meet his gaze and he didnât like that.
He huffed in annoyance, âBut she doesnât know, or does she? I mean, what does it matter?â
âYou dated. Sheâs my best friend and it bothers her, I already feel guilty for what happened last nightânot that I regret it, donât get me wrong but⊠well, itâs just confusing and it upsets her,â You rambled, still defending Miyoung even when she was slowly getting under your skin.
âWe dated so long ago, it was such a short fling,â Jungkook said with a laugh as he went back to eating, âAnd she dumped me so why does it matter if you and I get together?â
âI donât know, I just⊠sheâs my best frieâwait, what did you say?â You met his stare suddenly making him set down his coffee cup to answer.
âShe dumped me so why canât you and IâŠâ he stopped. Did you mean for him to repeat the part about being with you? Did you want him to say it again, maybe use the right words this time?
Why is he saying Miyoung dumped him? You remember the day exactly.
Miyoung called you while you were studying in the library late one night, not fully in tears but clearly under duress and she couldnât stop herself from letting her emotions get to her. She went on to tell you how Jungkook dumped her suddenly over a phone call because he wasnât interested anymore and was just using her or something.
You remember because you left the library to go comfort her and you almost ran into him on campus and he wouldnât even look you in the eyeâŠ
He dumped her because he got bored, thatâs why she asked you to stop talking to him. He was just like every other guy according to her and you owed her the promise to avoid him. It was you who introduced them anyway andâŠ
Why is it that any guy youâve ever thought youâve liked would fall for her instead, only to dump her and in return make her ask you to not speak to them again?
Jungkook wasnât the first so when she asked you to avoid him, it bothered you a little but you soon got over it and did as told.
You always do as told without questioning it.
âYou broke up with her.â
He chuckled, shaking his head no, âI was going to but she beat me to it. I donât know how honest you want me to be this early in the day.â
âTell me,â you urged him on.
âI wanted to break up with her but I had this sick feeling that I wasnât going to be able to talk to you as much anymore or it would be awkward so I stuck it out,â Jungkook said it with a shrug, âBut then she dumped me and suddenly you wonât even look at me so it was worse for me, I guess.â
Your eyebrows stitched together with confusion, âWhat are you saying? Why did you care if I talked to you or not? You went for Miyoung the second you met herââ
âThatâs not true, actually,â Jungkook confessed, deciding if you wanted honesty he would give it even if it embarrassed him, âI wanted you.â
âAnd when I met her, I was obviously there at the bar trying to talk to you but she kept butting in and next thing I know, you were off talking to Yoongi and ignoring me,â Jungkook went on, âTo be honest, I was kind of insecure back then, like really insecure and I was trying to get you to notice me but everytime someone would cuââ
âJungkook, stop, I just⊠no, you did not like me, you dated Miyoung,â You cut him off, fidgeting in your seat anxiously, âItâs fine, itâs in the past.â
âNo itâs not fine and I asked how honest you wanted me to be and you told me to tell you so Iâm going to,â Jungkook said more seriously, âI was insecure, alright? I had just moved to the city and I shared class with this pretty, incredibly smart girl who would barely give me any time of day. Honestly it was kind of depressing, I was kinda depressed at the time and I needed a boost to talk to you so I asked Miyoung and⊠she said you were into someone else so I was pretty bummed out. Then sheâs kind of just everywhere and she actually tries to talk to me so when she asks me out, I say yes but I realize I still have to see you.â
âAnd I liked being around you even though I probably shouldnât have because technically I was dating her at this point and I realized that I practically screwed up whatever chance I might have had with you,â Jungkook couldnât stop himself anymore. He was saying whatever was on his mind, barely giving you time to process any of it before continuing, âYes, I know itâs fucked up because whenever I thought it might work and I might catch real feelings for her, you would came around and they just went out the window. So it was getting harder and harder to keep pretending and I wanted to break up with her but I was worried you wouldnât talk to me anymore.â
âShe beat me to it and dumped me because she was bored and I was relieved, honestly, but then I see you on campus and you canât even look at me anymore,â Jungkook cleared his throat, âThen life went on, I moved away, moved back, ran into you again andâŠâ
âAnd what?â You asked breathlessly, lips dry and completely frozen in your seat.
He looked at you warmly, âI found you, everything just came back and I knew I didnât want to lose you a second time. I wanted to ask you out the first night at the bar but you didnât even want to talk to me so I tried again last night and you were so ready to blow me off when Miyoung came along. I donât know what made you come back to the party and I donât want you thinking Iâm some sleazy guy who acts like that with just anyone. I was just⊠it was unexpected and I had been waiting years for something to happen between us.â
Suddenly, this didnât feel like an easy brunch inside a warm and cozy cafe anymore. In all honesty, it felt a little suffocating now and you donât know how to explain it, but you didnât want to be here. So much has just been thrown at you and you donât think you can handle it all.
What did he mean that he liked you first?
Why had Miyoung told him you were into someone else? You learned to stop sharing who you liked with her so long ago and had never once told her anything like that in school. Why couldnât she just have asked you? Why did she ask him out after he made it known he wanted you?
You donât care that he said yes, that really was in the past for you. Now youâre more focused on why someone who was supposed to be your best friend would act so sneaky? What did she gain from it?
Why did she lie and say he dumped her? Was it just so she can paint him as a villain and make you not want to talk to him anymore? Why would she do that?
âY/n?â He called your name waiting for you to respond to him but you just sat there stunned, âIâm sorry, I know I was a piece of shit for dating her when I wanted you buâY/n.â
Your mind is filled with questions that you couldnât answer and it was overwhelming. The cafe felt suddenly overwhelming and you just had to get out of there, so you did.
âEarth to Y/n, I donât know how long you plan on ignoring the world but I know youâre not too busy with work to ignore your friends.â
Tacky, Taehyung was so very tacky leaving a concerning voicemail. Who left voicemails these days?
And he was being dramatic, heâs acting like youâve fallen off the face of the Earth but thatâs not true. Youâve just been holed up at either the office or your home for the past week, avoiding any call or text from anyone so you could be alone with your thoughts.
Alright itâs been over a week, almost two and maybe it is a little concerning but youâre telling yourself youâre just being dramatic.
âY/n you better open the door before I break it down,â Taehyungâs muffled voice boomed from the other side of your front door and you begrudgingly went to let him in.
âRelax, Iâm not dead,â You muttered under your breath as you let him in.
âDamn near!â Taehyung said loudly as he let himself through the door, âWhat is up with you? You havenât responded to any text I was beginning to get worried.â
âSorry,â you mumbled as you flopped down onto your couch, âIâve just been tired.â
âToo tired to answer the phone?â Taehyung asked sitting down next to you, âMiyoung, I get. Ignore her all you want but me? What did I ever do to you? Whatâs up with you? I havenât talked to you since the party. Did something happen?â
With a small sigh, you let your head rest against the back of the couch, âI slept with Jungkook.â
âReally?â Taehyung seemed genuinely surprised, âSo fallout with Miyoung Iâm assuming? Look, I personally donât get why you try to make her happy but sheâll get over it. Did you like it? Like him?â
âYes, I donât know, Iâm confused, I donât know what to believe anymore,â you admitted, âAnd I feel so dumb because this shouldnât be a big deal.â
âAlright well I need you to rewind and explain things better so my pea brain can handle it,â Taehyung made himself comfortable, âYouâve gone Ghost for over a week, I want to know why. Was it because of Jungkook? Miyoung? If you think sleeping with him makes you a bad friend theââ
âSheâs a liar,â you cut in, âAnd it shouldnât bother me so much because sheâs my best friend but thatâs why it bothers me, Tae. Iâve known her for so long, and Iâve always tried to be a good friend to her but it was never enough. So I tried harder and harder because who else would be there for me like her but⊠now that Iâm looking back on it, I donât think sheâs ever cared about me as much as I care about her and it sucks, honestly.â
Taehyung wanted to tell you so many people cared about you but he wanted you to say whatever you needed to say first.
âYou know what Jungkook said? He said Miyoung knew he apparently liked me before and still asked him outâand lied about how I felt about him,â You said, âAnd okay, why would I fight over a guy with my best friend but now that Iâm thinking about it⊠itâs fucked up right? She lied that he dumped her and begged me to avoid him. You saw how she acted the other night just because he talked to me. What was that about?â
You werenât going to go into full detail about the past because you owed Jungkook enough to not tell Taehyung about everything he said but he needed context.
âAnd I know itâs in the past so I should just move on but I canât,â You admitted, âI still like him but if I⊠I get with him Miyoung would never let me forget that she dated him first, even if he liked me. Itâs just all so confusing and overwhelming and it sucks that Iâm letting it get to me like this but⊠itâs not fair.â
Once again, Taehyung didnât say anything but he could tell you were feeling emotional by the way your voice began to shake.
âI like him, and not in the way I liked him before but I like this new him too, and itâs not fair that even if she lied or even if she snaps at me about shit that doesnât matter, I will still feel guilty,â You finished.
âY/n,â Taehyung cleared his throat, âObviously I donât know everything that happened back then but⊠I think that if you feel for him what he feels for you, it shouldnât matter what she says. And honestly, I just⊠I wish you could see that there are so many people who care about you so much and you donât have to put up with being belittled by someone who is supposed to be your best friend just because you have history. It doesnât matter if itâs in the past, if itâs upsetting you now then clearly it still matters so donât try to downplay your emotions.â
âBut sheâs my best friend,â your lip quivered.
âThen what am I?â He forced his lip to quiver as well.
âYouâre my best friend too,â you sniffled.
Taehyung mimicked your expression, âThen as your best friend, Iâm telling you to stop trying to make excuses for people who donât treat you rightâand go fix it with this guy.â
âBuââ
âY/n, I know you,â Taehyung sighed, âAnd I know that youâre not going to do anything if you think it upsets her but she doesnât deserve a friend like you. You deserve to go be with whoever you want. I donât care about what she says and at this point neither should you. I know that right now itâs confusing and youâre overwhelmed but if youâve been ignoring me youâve been ignoring himâI hope because if itâs just me thatâs coldâand if the girl I had feelings for ghosted me⊠Iâd be hurt.â
Jungkook was not hurt. He was⊠y'know, perfectly fine and thatâs what he kept telling himself. Itâs not like you made any real sign of feeling something for him too after hooking up and maybe that had just been a casual, one time thing. He can handle that, heâs grown.
Sure, he sort of spilled his damn heart out to you just for you to storm off on him and not reach out to him in days but heâs not bothered by it at all. Thatâs why when his two closest friends called Saturday night asking him to go clubbing⊠he said yes.
It was a chance to possibly let it go, forget it even, but it wasnât easy. He was aware that he was possibly reading too into what happened the other night but could you blame him? Youâre suddenly all about him and spend the night at his place where you wake up in his arms before going out to eat. It was like the perfect set up for a what if yet it went all wrong. Clearly it was his fault for being hopeful.
âSo who else did you say is meeting us here?â Jungkook asked Hoseok for confirmation as he passed him a drink. The music played loudly in his eardrums that it was borderline painful and he wanted to leave more than anything but there was that stupid what if in his head.
âJiminâs joining later on and so is Namjoon and his girl,â Hoseok said as he made sure everyone else had what they ordered, âOh, and Y/n too, I think.â
âY/n?â Jungkook tried clarifying. Hoseok smiled, âI know, itâs weird, Y/n seriously rarely comes out but all of a sudden sheâs starting to more. I mean, lately she has, probably since around the time you got back?â
Jungkook let his friend go off to do whatever he wanted while he stood there seemingly frozen. Tonight would be the first time in days that he sees youâtalks to youâand heâs not sure how to handle it. Thereâs nothing he can do about it either because he hasnât confided in anyone yet but itâs painfully obvious that heâs waiting for you.
Yoongi noticed first, like he usually did, and tried talking to him, âWhatâs up with you? Youâve been antsy since the party, will you finally tell me where you ran off to?â
âYeah man, donât think we didnât notice when you disappeared,â Jin said with a slight wink, âWe just want to know with who.â
âY/n.â
He could see you from the corner of his eye when you joined them at a table they had found. You came with Jimin by your side and a shy smile on your face. He assumed it was Hoseok who had screamed your name considering how he hogged your attention with a huge grin and Jungkook felt nervous all of a sudden.
As embarrassing as it was, Jungkook had nearly forgotten what he was asked until he looked back at Yoongi and Jin who looked at him expectantly. A nervous laugh escaped his lips as he shrugged, âDid you guys miss me too much?â
âSneaky guy, donât change the subject,â Jin laughed before letting Jungkook shift his attention back to you, making it painfully obvious where he was focused.
You felt a little nervous to be out tonight but after what you had talked about with Taehyung, you knew he was right. You acted strange with Jungkook after he opened up his side of things to you and it was plain wrong. Part of you isnât even sure if heâs actually interested or not since he didnât reach out to you this week and it made you wonder if he was really upset.
And if he was, would that mean that he didnât want to speak to you?
âI need a drink,â you mumbled to yourself more than to the others but it made a good excuse to at least try. You looked at Jungkook for the first time since you got there and cleared your throat to awkwardly ask, âJungkook, do you mind going with me?â
âGet me another, will ya?â Yoongi asked with a sudden wink that made Jungkook do a double take. Was he winking over the drink or him leaving with you?
He nodded his head in response and without question followed you to the bar once more. The bar was packed from all sides and Jungkook had to fight his way to the counter working as a barrier from people pushing at you. If he were to be honest, he wanted to skip the questions and get close to you again but he had to stay strong. He needed answers, right?
âAre we good?â Was the only thing he could think to ask.
You looked at him warmly, sitting down on the stool at the counter with him standing close to you, his hand itching to reach for you. Your lip caught between your teeth as you nodded, âAre we?â
For some reason he didnât expect to be asked that back. It made him wonder if he thought you were. It was undeniably embarrassing to have you walk out on him like that after he thought it had been going good but did that mean he was truly upset with you?
âYeah,â he nodded stiffly, blinking nervously and looking to the bartender who noticed them a while ago but had to attend to earlier customers first, âBut uh, I guess I am just a little confused by it all. Did I do something to upset you? Was it what I said?â
âNo, no, Iâm sorry, it wasnât you,â You blurted out, âIt was me, I wasnât thinking straight and I feel really bad about leaving like that.â
âThen why didnât you just call or even text me?â Jungkook asked honestly, âI⊠I think thatâs what bothered me the most.â
You looked down at your hands, âI'm sorry. I didnât talk to anyone, seriously, and I did think about reaching out to you but I donât know, Iâm really bad at explaining things.â
âWell can you try? I know it was sudden but I thought it had been going good,â Jungkook said and the longer he tried getting to the bottom of this, the more annoyed he felt that you couldnât just say it, âI think Iâve made it clear now how I feel about you and all Iâm asking is for you to do the same.â
âIâyes,â you stumbled over your words, âI mean, Iâm trying to be clear now but Iâm doing a shit job at it. I did have a good time with you but it was honestly, really out of character for me to yknow⊠and then the whole Miyoung thing and Iâm sorry but it was just a lot all at once. Itâs definitely not fair to you that I acted that way, but I do have feelings for you.â
He let out a sigh, feeling unsure how to take it and stuck between wanting to smile in relief and wanting to be upset. You didnât text him, nothing. How is that fair? He wanted to reach out to you but after the way you left he thought he would just make it worse if he kept bothering you. The bartender finally got to you two and he let you speak first as he tried gathering his thoughts a little more.
âBut what does this mean?â Jungkook asked now, âI want you and you want me, right? So, what does this mean Y/n because right now Iâm still confused by it all. If itâs because of Miyoung thenââ
âNo, itâs not, honestly,â You said, reaching for him, pinching the bottom of his shirt between your fingers to pull him toward you, âI don't care what she thinks anymore, I like you and I should have just said that from the beginning.â
The pull was harsh and had him looking down with his lips slightly parted in surprise, âY/n, youâre not being fair.â
You knew it. You knew you probably ruined your chance now and coming to see him had just been a waste. You nearly let go of him when he continued, âYou canât ignore me and walk out on me and then just tell me you want me too, expecting everything to be fine.â
He had to be tough. He canât just let it go even though youâre saying everything he wants to hear.
âYouâre right, Iâm sorry,â you said with a slight frown, âI can leave if you want me to.â
âUgh,â he groaned, unable to help himself anymore as he closed the distance between you two. He circled an arm around you and pulled you into a hug, âWhy would I want you to leave when Iâve been waiting for you to get here?â
âWhat?â You asked, hands finding his waist as he held you, âI thought you were mad.â
âI was,â Jungkook said, âSo you donât know how annoyed I am with myself right now. All it takes is for you to sweet talk me a bit and give me those eyes of yours for me to fold, thatâs embarrassing.â
âJungkook,â you said, âIâm sorry, I shouldnât have walked out like that. I should have texted you and if you want to be mad, I get it. If you want to think it over anââ
âAnd what if I donât?â He asked looking down at your pouty lips and glossy eyes, âWhat if I just want to let it go and be with you without any more problems? Can I do that?â
His tone was surprisingly firm and you couldnât do anything but nod, âOkay.â
It didnât change the fact that you still felt bad because it seemed like you were being let off the hook easily but what else could you do? Jungkook really did seem ready to move past it and thatâs why you came here in the first place. You just hadnât expected it to be so easy and it made you feel bad.
When your drinks were ready, you opened up a tab despite his protests to just put it on his and the two of you got back to the group like nothing had happened. There was still a lot that needed to be talked about before you told anyone about what happened but itâs not like they were all oblivious.
Jimin, for instance, had been keeping an eye on you two at the bar since you left and had seen the majority of your conversation but he didnât bring it up. Instead he watched silently for your little glances in each otherâs direction and shy smiles. It was obvious to Yoongi too that Jungkook was in a much better mood now than earlier and it wasnât hard for him to figure out why.
Perhaps for the same reason you had suddenly started joining them more often, being more comfortable too.
It had been a slow start for the two of you after the night at the club. Neither one of you seemed to want to rush into things but at times there was a strong pull. Tonight was going to be your first official date but you were keeping that information to your friends until you figure out if this works or not.
Jungkook picked you up from your apartment and drove to a nice restaurant where the two of you sat for dinner. He was very attentive to you, making sure your glass was always full and all your needs met and it was a surprisingly good feeling to be taken care of this way. Youâve dated in the past but you canât say youâve always chosen the right ones. You had a tendency to lean toward the ones who were overly forward with you because in your mind there was no doubt they liked you.
At first it would be nice but then you would realize that it was more of a conquering feeling to them than actually wanting to be with you and you would be left heartbroken. Thatâs part of why you rarely put yourself out there.
Jungkook is different though, he always has been. When you first met him he was forward but aloof. You never expected him to actually like you because you couldnât see the signs clearly and the way things turned out it just never worked. Now that heâs been back heâs almost like an entirely different person in the sense that heâs ready to go for what he wants and itâs sort of admirable.
If you had been able to do that back then maybe you would have had him sooner but there was no point in dwelling in the past. He was here now and so were you. Honestly, knowing that there's something thatâs been brewing between you two for a long time made it easier to feel confident around him.
âWhy are you so pretty?â Jungkook couldnât help but ask even if his mouth was full. He was trying not to smile too as he said that.
âOh my god,â You felt your face heat up, tempted to hide behind your hand. It took you a moment to think of a response and it was surprising for the both of you to hear you say, âWhy are you?â
Jungkook cleared his throat awkwardly in hopes of not seeming too affected by your words. It didnât work and he broke out into a grin, âI wasnât expecting that.â
Dinner was filled with small flirting here and there. Itâs crazy how well you and him seemed to get along when you stopped worry about other things. He made you smile, really smile and you made him feel giddy whenever he talked to you. He wanted to spend his night with you and nobody else.
âAre we going to meet with everyone else after this?â You asked as he pulled your chair out for you and you got up from the table. After some back and forth arguing, he eventually took care of the bill despite your protests and the night felt near its finish much to your disappointment.
It was the weekend and youâve been trying to go out with your friends more and they had asked to meet up laterâbut both you and Jungkook had to tell them maybe.
âDo we have to?â He asked, taking your bag in one hand and holding yours with the other, âYou think theyâll get a little suspicious if weâre both gone?â
You walked with him across the restaurant toward the entrance. You werenât paying much attention to the people you passed, âIâm sure they know.â
Your response surprised him a bit and he couldnât help but ask, âReally? Has it been that obvious?â
âYeah, Jimin called me out on it the other night,â you shrugged, reaching for your bag to look for chapstick while he led you to the front. You couldnât meet his eyes because you sensed where this was going.
âWhatâd he say?â Jungkook asked slowing his pace for you.
You blinked nervously, distracting yourself with your lipbalm as you tried sounding casual, âHe asked why we were being so sneaky at the bar.â
Jungkookâs eyes widened slightly, opening the door for you as he said, âDamn, what did you say?â
âI said because weâre together.â
You tried being slick about it and slide past him without much attention but it was useless. He stood in front of you with a smile on his face, âOh, we are? I donât remember you clarifying that. Can you remind me when you asked me to be your man?â
âOh god, donât act like that,â you whined shyly.
âIâm sorry baby, I gotta hear you say it with your own words. Whatâd you tell him?â Jungkook blocked your path, hands finding your waist and keeping you from running. He liked making you flustered and you had no idea how you left him with a racing heart.
You pouted, looking at him seriously, âJungkook.â
The two of you stood outside the restaurant looking like a playful couple that maybe had one too many drinks but it was all Jungkookâs fault. He wouldnât let it go to rest and even had the nerve to smirk as he teasingly said, âThatâs not how you say âBoyfriendâ.â
âYouâre ridiculous, we talked about this,â you said, focused on his chest to hide your embarrassment.
Jungkook just grinned mischievously, âWhat did you tell him?â
âI said you were my boyfriend,â you mumbled into his chest.
âYour what?â He asked trying to step back and get a good look at your face, âCome on baby, donât get shy on me now.â
You whined, âJungââ
âYour what?â He was laughing now, not caring for whoever might pass them and stare because he felt good. Too good to be affected by a strangerâs judgement.
âMy boyfriend,â you sighed with embarrassment, âYou heard me the first time, goof.â
âThatâs what I thought, alright, you ready to go?â He asked with a chuckled as he took your hand in his ready to walk with you to the car.
âY/n?â
You both stopped in your step, wondering if it really was your name you had heard. You looked back toward the rest, eyes threatening to widen with surprise as you looked at the person who stood at the entrance. She was with a group of people all headed inside but when she saw you, she stopped.
âMiyoung, hey,â You cleared your throat awkwardly, your demeanor changing completely.
âHey, what are you doing here?â She asked as her eyes trailed behind you where Jungkook was looking at you with worry and confusion. He wanted to make sure everything would be alright, knowing how Miyoung would react. He didnât want your good night to be ruined over something petty.
âWhat do you mean? Iâm uh, I was just having dinner,â you said stiffly, looking back at Jungkook which proved to be a mistake because it seemed to solidify his presence to her.
âWith jungkook?â She asked with a snappy tone. Miyoung shooed away her friends, telling them to go in without her as she approached you.
âYeah.â
âWhy?â Her brow arched with amusement, clearly ticked off and in disbelief by what she saw before her. Like usual, the situation seemed much worse than it really was.
It was time for you to be up front. Whatâs the point in putting yourself out there and letting yourself open up to him if you wouldnât have the courage to make it known? You swallowed dryly, âBecause weâre⊠dating.â
Jungkook had stepped back from the situation, not wanting to worsen it so he stood off by a light post not too far for a smoke break. He tried distracting himself with lighting his cigarette but he couldnât help but freeze up when you said that. It brought a shy smile to his face as he waited for you to finish.
âNo, youâre not,â Miyoung scoffed looking back at Jungkook as if betrayed by him too. You blinked with confusion, what did she mean youâre not? Did she expect you to be joking or back down? âWe are.â
Miyoung stood in front of you now, slightly taller, âY/n, youâve been ignoring me for weeks and now youâre saying youâre dating my ex boyfriend? What kind of friend are you?â
This time it was you who scoffed lightly, looking away from her to try and process what you would say but you had spent too much time already trying to think it over, âThe thing is, um, Iâve been kind of wondering the same about you.â
âMe?â She looked down at you genuinely taken back, âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â
You swallowed the lump that formed in your throat and tried to gather the courage to just say it. You could feel Jungkook around, listening but giving you space and it was like a push start for you to say what was really on your mind, âIâm just tired of feeling like Iâm the only one who puts effort into being friends and I donât see the point in always fighting. Weâre not together, we donât have to be friends if it always has to be some sort of argument. Itâs getting tiring at this point and I think maybe itâs best we just distance ourselves from each other.â
âYouâre kidding, right? Iâm like the only person who really cares about you, Y/n. Donât act stupid.â
Although that made Jungkook want to intervene and tell her how very wrong she was, he didnât. He didnât want to speak for you. He knew you could speak for yourself and he should let you, even if he was itching to cut in.
âNo, I donât think you are. I know you think you are so you always tell me you are, but youâre not. People like me for me and not just because Iâm friends with you,â you said coldly and your tone was definitive it left her speechless. It had to be one of the first times you were ever remotely close to snappy with her and she didnât expect it.
âI know itâs hard for you to think of me as my own person but I donât have to do what you want,â You said, âAnd I think you only boss me around and act sneaky behind my back because youâre threatened by me.â
She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. What you said left her rendered quiet. You waited too, waited to see if she would tell you to stand down but she didnât and you didnât give her time too, â But I think I should go, I donât want to bother your dinner any longerâand uh, maybe we just shouldnât contact each other anymore.â
Jungkook had forgotten about his smoke break, jaw nearly to the floor at how confident you sounded. It was obvious you had never spoken to Miyoung that way but she couldnât even deny what you said. You did it so casually and like you couldnât care less which made you seem mature compared to Miyoungâs tantrums.
âWhy was that kind of hot?â Jungkook asked as you finally reached him under the light post. Miyoung had stormed off with an evil glare that he ignored telling you how âYouâre doneâ.
He looked down at you with hazed eyes, amazed and enamored. You scrunch your face curiously, âWhat was?â
âYou, right now,â He chuckled, reaching for your hand in his, âKind of scary too. Remind me not to get on your bad side.â
âYouâre exaggerating,â you tried to laugh it off, âI wasnât mean, was I?â
It was so dumb of you to still be worried about it but you couldnât help it.
âNo, you were calm and casual but that was so scary,â Jungkook gasped dramatically, âBecause I know you were mad at herâ⊠it was mean but only a little and so very very hot, and youâre doing all this in that dressâŠâ
Without meaning to be, Jungkook was sort of like your hype man. You were worried about being too harsh, you still are, but he made you feel better about it. Part of you will never not feel in the wrong for being with Jungkook but youâve gotten the rest off your chest and it felt good. Maybe you were a bit mean or maybe you werenât, you could never be entirely sure but Jungkook seemed to be on your side no matter what.
âYou like my dress?â You asked him with a teasing smile as he held the car door open for you.
âI really do,â he played with his lip ring, looking down at you.
âThen take it off me.â
âOh fuck,â Jungkook whispered to himself as he looked around the parking lot, âHere?â
You broke out into a laugh as you sat down. Your words got to him easier than you thought and he sighed, âYou canât say that shit to me, Y/n. Iâll actually do it.â
âLetâs go back to my place and see if you can keep your word then,â you told him, watching him close the door with a tense jaw just thinking about it.
You canât do this to him. You canât be shy and cute one second and then act like that. You canât. Thatâs not fair to him. How is he supposed to not be affected when you say things that get his heart racing while looking so cute? Was this what it would be like dating you? Just constantly caught by surprise?
He did like the way you stood up for yourself. He liked that you spoke your mind more freely than before and he takes joy in hearing you flirt back. In the beginning it felt like he was the one always trying to get you to talk to him or notice him and now youâre saying things that make his head dizzy.
âYouâre gonna be the death of me, yknow?â Jungkook asked after the painfully long car ride back to your apartment. He was removing his coat as you sat on the edge of your bed to undo your shoes.
You let out an amused laugh, âWhat do you mean?â
âI mean⊠you act all shy and innocent and then you say shit thatâŠâ Jungkook let out a groan, âI canât explain it, you just drive me crazy.â
âIn a good way or bad way?â You asked, following him with your eyes as he closed the space between you two until he was at the end of the bed standing in front of you.
âA good way,â he said softly, âIâm finding more sides of you Iâve never seen.â
âAnd you like it?â You asked shyly, feeling his hands curl around your jaw.
âI do, a lot,â he confessed brushing his lips against yours, âI don't know what I wouldâve done if I lost my chance with you again.â
::.
NO PART TWO
oml yall this took me forever to come up with đ I went through at least six other ideas before deciding on this one and I canât tell how happy I am with it yet but I tried my hardest not the disappoint đ„č I miss being more active and taking to you all but life has been so busy lately
please let me know how you feel and I promise Iâll try to be more active đ«¶đœ
permanent taglist: @notmyfaultbutours @rerefundslocals @fandems @sugaluvmyg @guvgguk @kimyishin @libra04 @kooromiwrld @classycreationcupcake-blog @cherrymonlightt @nikkiordonez12 @asking4-sanity @thvlover @saweetspoiled @shaybts-blog @babycandy111 @jeonninja @yellowcupid08 @02010802faves @skzthinker @unnatae @beautywine @lilliankoo @annenakamura @lesoleile @burnahtsw @kooloveys @ku-ku @chaelvrx @minnie-mouser22 @whoa-jo @marvelbun @sunnikthv @kochycooky @acielelyseen @giselleswifeee @ilikeitlikethatt @bangmechanpls @lvr2seok @badbyeyoongi @jaerisdiction @watermelonjuice15 @artmsmaid @xyahrinx @angeleen777 @jooniesxbby @dream-cvtcher @jksjx @kissyfacekoo @joyjunk @caro134340lina @hyunjinswifeee @oldermenluverrr @caro134340lina @olivialeesstuff [taglist is too long so Iâll have to make two versions of it]
#jeon jungkook#Jungkook smut#jungkook fanfic#jungkook fic#jungkook imagines#jungkook scenarios#jungkook bts#bts jungkook#jungkook#jungkook one shot#jungkook oneshot#jeon jungkook x reader#jungkook x y/n#jungkook angst#jungkook drabble#jungkook fiction#jungkook imagine#bts smut#lost & found#jungkook fluff#jungkook fic recs
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The author, Angela Hovak Johnston.
Johnston and Marjorie Tungwenuk Tahbone, traditional tattoo artist.
Catherine Niptanatiak: "I designed my own, something that represents me and who I am, something that I would be proud to wear and show off, and something that would make me feel confident and beautiful. . . . I have daughters and I would like to teach them what I know. I would like for them to want to practice our traditions and keep our culture alive."
Cecile Nelvana Lyall: "On my hand tattoos, from the top down, the triangles represent the mountains. . . . The Ys are the tools used in seal hunting. . . . The dots are my ancestors. . . . I am so excited to be able to truly call myself and Inuk woman."
Colleen Nivingalok: "The tattoos on my face represent my family and me. The lines on my chin are my four children -- my two older boys on the outside protecting my daughters. The lines on my cheeks represent the two boys and the two girls on either side. The one on my forehead represents their father and me. Together, we live for our children."
Doreen Ayalikyoak Evyagotailak: "I have thought about getting traditional tattoos since I was a teenager. . . . When I asked the elders if I could have my own meaning for my tattoos, they said it wouldn't matter. My tattoos symbolize my kids."
Mary Angele Takletok: "I always wanted traditional tattoos like the women in the old days. I wanted them on my wrists and my fingers so I could show I'm Inuk."
Melissa MacDonald Hinanik: "As a part of celebrating my heritage and revitalizing important traditional customs that form my identity, I believe I have earned my tattoos. I am a beautiful, strong young woman. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend, and an active community member. I reclaim the traditional customs as mine, I re-own them as a part of who I am."
Star Westwood: "We still have some of our culture, but some things are slowly dying. Having tattoos helps us keep our culture alive. . . . . My tattoos represent my dad and my dad's dad. The ones closest to my wrists represent my sisters."
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National Tattoo Day
July 17 is National Tattoo Day. To celebrate, we present some images from Reawakening Our Ancestors' Lines: Revitalizing Inuit Traditional Tattooing, compiled by Angela Hovak Johnston, co-founder with Marjorie Tahbone of the Inuit Tattoo Revitalization Project, with photographs by Inuit photographer Cora DeVos, and published in Iqaluit, Nunavut by Inhabit Media Inc. in 2017.
For thousands of years, Inuit have practiced the traditional art of tattooing. Created the ancient way, with bone needles and caribou sinew soaked in seal oil, sod, or soot, these tattoos were an important tradition for many Inuit women, symbols etched on their skin that connected them to their families and communities. But with the rise of missionaries and residential schools in the North, the tradition of tattooing was almost lost. In 2005, when Angela Hovak Johnston heard that the last Inuk woman tattooed in the old way had died, she set out to tattoo herself in tribute to this ancient custom and learn how to tattoo others. What was at first a personal quest became a project to bring the art of traditional tattooing back to Inuit women across Nunavut.
Collected in this book are photos and stories from more than two dozen women who participated in Johnston's project. Together, these women have united to bring to life an ancient tradition, reawakening their ancestors' lines and sharing this knowledge with future generations. Hovak Johnston writes: "Never again will these Inuit traditions be close to extinction, or only a part of history you read about in books. This is my mission."
Reawakening Our Ancestors' Lines forms part of our Indigenous America Literature Collection.
Angela Hovak Johnston (right) with her cousin Janelle Angulalik and her aunt Millie Navalik Angulalik.
View other posts from our Indigenous America Literature Collection.
#National Tattoo Day#tattoos#holidays#Inuit traditional tattoos#Inuit tattoos#Inuit#Inuk#Reawakening Our Ancestors' Lines#Angela Hovak Johnston#Cora DeVos#Cora Kavyaktok#Marjorie Tahbone#Inuit Tattoo Revitalization Project#Inhabit Media Inc.#photographs#Inuit women#Indigenous America Literature Collection#Native American Literature Collection
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A heartfelt and grievously expanded-upon update to thisâplease, please read the whole thing if you can. reblogs much appreciated.
(DISCLAIMER, for all who are saying reasons like abusive parents/legal stuff/toxic ex/triggering memories/page got deleted/job/stalkers/bullying/[[insert any other shitty life thing]], This is not concerning thatâpersonal safety & health ALWAYS comes first, and is worth more than any media ever could be. This is my biggest reason for defending that autonomy. I would be a hypocrite to say I hadnât deleted triggering posts of mine or ones that got me in trouble with my family.)
it genuinely makes me sad and kinda upset when someone purges all their old art off the internet like. barring harmful content what if someone liked that. What if someone would have. And now nobody will ever know and it's just gone. even people's old invader zim askblogs or whatever getting deleted feels like a micro alexandria to me and that's just something I made up. I wasn't even thinking of a specific one it just stresses me out. Is this the autism I don't get why nobody else seems to freak internally abt it like I do. I see artists whose blogs I've never even looked at go like "man so glad I deleted all my old stuff it's so clean" or saying they throw out art from when they were kids I'm like. how are you not hurling. How is that not distressing that is literally your tree rings why would you do that. I want to see what's out there. people want to see it I promise someone out there likes it
...don't they??? Does everyone get quietly irrationally upset by this as me, or is this just hyperfixation/autism/some amalgam of the two. I'm not a hoarder or obsessive compulsive or anything like that so i wonder..
Anyways. reblog if you had a favorite amateur youtube animator in your childhood whose channel got nuked without a trace one day that you still think about.
I wanted to attach this video because it condenses my point very well. A TLDR of sorts. Please watch the whole thing, it genuinely changed the entire way I think about art as a concept.
(2nd vid is "Subjectivity in Art")
âThe moment your art touches an audience, the ownership shifts in an irreversible way. [They're] not having an art experience with you and your intentions. They're having an art experience with the art object.
âYou can't just burn your past; it's not even your past to burn anymore. It's other people's history as well. Whether or not you like it, that art is already bonded to somebody's soul, and if you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it.â
The digital age makes it very easy to distance or detach yourself from the impact your work hasâbe it art, fanfic, videos, even memes. Online content is as important to people now as any other media, if not more. But it's also by far the easiest, fastest, and most effective form of it to erase from public access. Media so unbelievably important to people and in general. Yes, youâwith the 2010s purple sparkle dog speedpaint. I still think about that speedpaint all the time, because it was the first time i learned that you could draw on a computer, and I thought it was cool as hell. I still do.
I do wish there was a stronger culture of preservation and consideration for this, because every time I see people talk about snuffing their stuff because it doesn't personally resonate with them anymore, I just think ...what about all the people it did?
I've seen lots of people saying "get over it, it doesn't even matter," but it fucking does. It does matter. Even if I didnât make it, even if I donât have to deal with being the one who made it, even if I'm naturally inclined to be distressed by itâIt still matters. And thereâs nothing you could ever say to suddenly make it not matter, because thereâs nothing you could ever say to make it not matter to me.
Don't devalue the act of creation. Don't dismiss something you made. It's out there, in people's thoughts and hearts and souls, and that is real. Even if you don't know it. Especially if you don't know it. Especially in a world where physical media is being snuffed out, the internet is constantly dying without any physical remains to recover, social isolation is rampant, and simply because independently produced content online is still media.
Fanfiction can hold equal or greater significance to someone as a book, but you canât unpublish a book. Authors donât have a button that can vaporize every copy of their work across all time, but fanfiction authors do. Iâm not counting people who download fics eitherâwhen you buy a book, that transaction is over. But online, you have the power of unending transaction that can be terminated instantly at your will. The process of publishing fanfic vs. publishing a book may be different, but peopleâs connection to the art is the same intensity.
So yeah. I do get depressed about the Internet being a constant Alexandria, but the times I get the most depressed is when I click someone's page and see that all their work is gone because they're âcurating a new aestheticâ for their page or some shit. Or weeding out all the "ugly" art. Or just went on whatever the hell 'thrill deleting' is, because they just get a kick out of it.
Fuck itâyeah! It upsets me! Iâm not wrong to say that. Iâm saying it!
Under the cut, because it got long as shit! Also donât worry the ending is way sappier and more âbeauty of human natureâ vibe so itâs not all doom and gloom lol
What if that was someone's favorite art of that character. What if someone read that 'cringe oneshot' on the worst day of their life. What if that Warriors meme vid is still burned into a college studentâs mind despite being gone for 10 years. What if it's actually not just you and the ones and zeros you rent out to the worldâsecure in knowing the original will always be on your computer for you to do whatever you want with it.
I really, deeply wish there was more of a general awareness of this, because even though social media can be used like a diary, thatâs functionally the opposite of what it is. Itâs social media. When you post, itâs no longer in a vacuum, even though you canât see the real humans that content touchesâoften deeply.
Media is history. You shouldnât burn that history just because you personally believe it isnât worth saving.
Because itâs no longer just your personal opinion. Itâs no longer just your personal work. itâs. history. Memory of media is not a suitable replacement for the media itself. If it was, we wouldnât save anything at all. Nostalgia is an agent of that. The definition of nostalgia is grief for moments of the past that are inaccessible, and the biggest balm for that pain is accessing a physical reminder of those moments. That opinion of yours is no longer personal. Itâs weighed against uncountable people across all time that your thing is ALSO personal to. People who would, and will mourn its absence.
How many times have you joined an older fandom only to discover that some of its most popular works are gone? How many times have you routed through random blogs looking for scraps people hopefully reblogged? how many times have you used Wayback machine desperately praying that a fan fiction or a YouTube video will be there? How many times do you look up crunchy old vines or YouTube videos or anime AMVâs? How many times do you remember old fanfic.net sex that impacted you in middle school, only to shake your head and go âprobably no point even looking.â
i mourn the absence. No, people canât and shouldnât have their agency over what they post revoked, but they should be conscious of that weight. If youâre reading this and getting extremely annoyed, and youâre not in the pink text above,,,, good.
I honestly do hope it gets under your skin. I hope it sits with you. I hope you feel it every time you hit that button, and whether or not you do hit that buttonâif you hesitate, if you remember this, even spitefully, Iâve done my job. I am howling into the void. And I may not want an answer, but I do want my anguish to be heard and remembered. Because it isnât me just being melodramatic.
I know I sound that way writing so much, but if my favorite writing YouTuber can drop trow this week and go, "yeah, sorry, all my video essays from less than a year ago that you listen to in the car all the time? I'm "rebranding" my content so i deleted them. besides, my personal views don't really agree align with the analyses i did, or the techniques i taught in them anyway. Sorry if some of the literal tens of thousands of you used them, but I don't want to feel shackled to having youtuber "classics" tied to meâ
âŠ.then i guess I'm just going to have to sound dramatic! That fucking sucks! Hours of work and knowledge gone! This was a new channel too. Itâs very likely thereâs no archive of any kind, because who would think someone who worked hard enough to write, record, and edit hour-long videos, would just turn around and nuke it all? I definitely didnât see it coming, but I did just start a new screenwriting class a few weeks ago, so Iâll tell you at least one person is REALLY missing those fucking videos right now. Because a lot of them were about specifically screenwriting, which I know jack shit about. and that specific personâs pace, editing, and style of breaking down information was the best suited style I found that I could focus on and absorb. Thereâs no replacement for that. No alternative for his individual perspective. his jokes. his opinions.
No, they may not resonate with him now, but in this decision, heâs put up a big middle finger to everyone who might have. And he has like 100k subscribers! Those are confirmed supporters! Imagine how many silent and untethered observers are feeling this loss right now. Imagine how many will not have it in the future.
If he never posted them at all, we wouldnât know we had it. It wouldnât be a loss. But we did. We did have it. Until he decided that no, we didnât, because he just happens to be the one out of millions of individuals holding the button to burn it in a hundredth of a second.
His personal work, the attachment I had to it, and the ways that it helped me are now just ripped away. I am one person out of millions, literal MILLIONS of people who saw and liked this content before it vanished. The soul has been ripped, the access severed, and by CJâs (and my) definition, the art is functionally dead. Not for the YouTuber or anyone else lucky enough to save a link or download, but everyone else. From this point until the end of time, even if people even two weeks from now donât know it. Even if someone who stumbles upon his channel today, doesnât know it.
We only mourn the concept of Alexandria because we had some kind of scope for what was inside. Yes, maybe you got self-conscious and deleted your 12 year old deviant art account. Do you know who else is doing that?? THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of other twenty somethings who ALSO feel self-conscious about their old socials. Art. Fanfic. One direction fan videos. anything.
Suddenly, an unquantifiable amount of information from your age groupâan entire age group in 2012, is. gone. And we will NEVER know whatâs been erased from that history. We will NEVER know what could have been significant to us ten years from now. Twenty years from now. A hundred years. A thousand.
You could have deleted a fanfic that would have been someone elseâs new go-to panic attack distraction tomorrow. You could have deleted a video someone used to laugh at with their friend who died yesterday. When you delete something, you risk tearing a hole in unknowable personal histories.
The Internet isnât just a big library of Alexandria. Itâs a library containing libraries. And those libraries have their own libraries in those libraries have their own as well. libraries inside libraries, inside libraries, ad infinitum. To conceive the amount of destroyed history on the Internet is crushing.
And I just canât help but I ask myself how in gods name people can choose to contribute to that, instead of reposting everything to trash heap alts titled âhall of shameâ or some shit.
You can offload to alts. Put up disclaimers. Make password locked blogs, or dropboxes, or anonymous imgur dumps. Anonymous reuploads. Orphan fics. Make a playlist or linktree of unlisted videos. Cut off the watermarks. Delete all references to it on your main. Make a dedicated unlisted playlist. make a google drive. Make new portfolio sites. Delete any questions you get about it. Change pen names. Pretend it never existed.
Give a heads up.
Something.
But donât. kill. the media.
The knowledge that our stuff is going to forever be tied to us is a cross we have to bear, but the responsibility that comes with putting it out there in the first place, canât be ignored.
Anyway. I'm not trying to start conflict. This is not a bash on anyone, nor a call for witch hunts. Or anon hate, or blocks and unfollows or anything of that nature. I'm not wishing ramifications or hate of any kind on anyone who does wants to do any of this.
I'm also not guilt trippingâ I am not saying that you should feel bad. I AM saying why it makes me feel bad. Thatâs not guilting, itâs a dialogue. One I personally feel is long overdue.
It's me yelling into the void: please consider the real people on the other side of the screen before you hit that button. Realize and know that whatever you're about to erase from history could be the most important thing in the world to someone.
Art is an experience. It's why we revisit it. If art and history simply lived in the matter and code of media, we would only need to look at it once. We wouldnât put things in museums. We wouldnât build libraries. We wouldnât look up vine compilations.
If you're able, consider (and I do mean consider, this is not a call to action) not destroying that. And donât shrug it off as some pretentious asshole venting on Tumblr. You only need to look in the notes and tags to see that it isnât just me. itâs never just me, or you, or the pixels.
And even if you do shrug it off, then at least recognize that what you make matters. Whatever you think about it, if itâs out there, that's not your discretion anymore. If a tree falls in the woods and even one person is around to see it, it fucking mattered. Because it happened. Donât mulch your tree rings if you donât have to. Because if enough people do it, a whole forest is gone. Media is history, no matter whether you think itâs worth putting in a museum, or only has 30 notes.
Thousands of years ago, a child named onfim doodled on his homework. Theyâre crude, and everyone has the wrong amount of fingers, and theyâre also priceless archaeological artifacts recognizable throughout the world.
the only thing separating Onfimâs doodles and your MS paint PokĂ©mon doodles is time. The only thing separating your old MS paint PokĂ©mon doodles from being a priceless artifacts, thousands of years in the future is time. Your creations are already priceless artifacts. No matter what you do, don't ever, ever deny that. It isnât blowing up your own ass, itâs artistic and anthropological fact.
The mundane and the supposedly unworthy are often the first things lost to time, and thatâs why theyâre so precious. Thatâs why artists who were before their time are scorned first only to be celebrated later. Do you think they knew that was going to happen?? What if they nuked it? Many probably did! But now thatâs happening exponentially and instantaneously everywhere, WITHOUT the artist having to destroy their only copyâwhich makes it way easier and more dismissable.
Sometimes, If youâre revolutionary enough, people will make an effort to preserve your work, but recognized and thoroughly recorded work is rare compared to unrecognized and thoroughly recorded work.
Sometimes something is beloved enough that it would be impossible for it not to go down in history, but even then it isnt a guarantee, and itâs rare. But if van Gogh burned all of his paintings in a fit of despair before his death, we would have no van Gogh. Because he wasnât respected as an artist in his time, but that wasnât what defined the worth of his art. The people after him did, because his art was still there for them.
If you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it. If you belittle your art, you belittle the very real relationships and emotions and revisitations people have with the media. You defy the inherent worth and weight of a creation. you created. That's effort. It's passion. No matter how flippant or unskilled or worthless you think it is, it matters. Because at the end of the day, you could have chosen to make nothing at all, and you didn't.
âą
Muting notifs
#artists on tumblr#Artistic#digital art#art history#anthropology#humanity#art discussion#art theory#skit yells
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i read donald sutherlandâs letter to gary ross pleading for the role of president snow and was so struck by his eloquence, wit, and humor. iâm posting it in full below. what a loss </3
Dear Gary Ross:
Power. That's what this is about? Yes? Power and the forces that are manipulated by the powerful men and bureaucracies trying to maintain control and possession of that power?
Power perpetrates war and oppression to maintain itself until it finally topples over with the bureaucratic weight of itself and sinks into the pages of history (except in Texas), leaving lessons that need to be learned unlearned.
Power corrupts, and, in many cases, absolute power makes you really horny. Clinton, Chirac, Mao, Mitterrand.
Not so, I think, with Coriolanus Snow. His obsession, his passion, is his rose garden. There's a rose named Sterling Silver that's lilac in colour with the most extraordinarily powerful fragrance â incredibly beautiful â I loved it in the seventies when it first appeared. They've made a lot of offshoots of it since then.
I didn't want to write to you until I'd read the trilogy and now I have so: roses are of great importance. And Coriolanus's eyes. And his smile. Those three elements are vibrant and vital in Snow. Everything else is, by and large, perfectly still and ruthlessly contained. What delight she [Katniss] gives him. He knows her so perfectly. Nothing, absolutely nothing, surprises him. He sees and understands everything. He was, quite probably, a brilliant man who's succumbed to the siren song of power.
How will you dramatize the interior narrative running in Katniss's head that describes and consistently updates her relationship with the President who is ubiquitous in her mind? With omniscient calm he knows her perfectly. She knows he does and she knows that he will go to any necessary end to maintain his power because she knows that he believes that she's a real threat to his fragile hold on his control of that power. She's more dangerous than Joan of Arc.
Her interior dialogue/monologue defines Snow. It's that old theatrical turnip: you can't 'play' a king, you need everybody else on stage saying to each other, and therefore to the audience, stuff like "There goes the King, isn't he a piece of work, how evil, how lovely, how benevolent, how cruel, how brilliant he is!" The idea of him, the definition of him, the audience's perception of him, is primarily instilled by the observations of others and once that idea is set, the audience's view of the character is pretty much unyielding. And in Snow's case, that definition, of course, comes from Katniss.
Evil looks like our understanding of the history of the men we're looking at. It's not what we see: it's what we've been led to believe. Simple as that. Look at the face of Ted Bundy before you knew what he did and after you knew.
Snow doesn't look evil to the people in Panem's Capitol. Bundy didn't look evil to those girls. My wife and I were driving through Colorado when he escaped from jail there. The car radio's warning was constant. 'Don't pick up any young men. The escapee looks like the nicest young man imaginable'. Snow's evil shows up in the form of the complacently confident threat that's ever-present in his eyes. His resolute stillness. Have you seen a film I did years ago? 'The Eye of the Needle'. That fellow had some of what I'm looking for.
The woman who lived up the street from us in Brentwood came over to ask my wife a question when my wife was dropping the kids off at school. This woman and her husband had seen that movie the night before and what she wanted to know was how my wife could live with anyone who could play such an evil man. It made for an amusing dinner or two but part of my wife's still wondering.
I'd love to speak with you whenever you have a chance so I can be on the same page with you.
They all end up the same way. Welcome to Florida, have a nice day!
sourced from this article
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#ok so I know this is a massive own of the IDF#but please use your critical thinking skills when sharing this#cuz it really comes off pro Israel#& even if u r siding w Hamas & reading this as a massive fallout of the Israeli army attacking children#this is the exact fucking justification our president will point to and be like#see? they were right to kill all those kids#and they didnât even kill any kids#the kids were fake and made to lure in the brave patriots fighting for our oil right#oops I mean brave colonists#oops I mean#brave Schutzstaffel#oops#anyways there were never any kids in Gaza & even if they were it was a trick to murder Israeli soldiers#just to be clear I fully support Palestine#that was all a bit about how fucked up biden is#I watched a really good video about how#to mince my words paraphrase and lose all nuance#Hamas is justified for using extreme force#to combat the overwhelming & inhumane force used by the American military base known as Israel#also? donât fucking @ me about antisemitism#Iâm Jewish#wich doesnât make me immune#but means thereâs a good chance I know more about the ins and outs of the American Jewish side of this than you do#I learned more of my family than I expected were active zionists#we live with completely different facts based on willful ignorance and propaganda#the most important thing you can do with any of this information is bring it to your family gathering#show up to Black Friday with the raw data showing death toll on each side since 1948#roll up to Christmas with a book on the Iraq war a history of American colonialism of indigenous people and the tale of Hanukkah#itâs a story about romans(?) destroying a Jewish city and chasing them off their land#happy 8 nights of lights you heartless freakin bastards
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have i ever mentioned that my Charlie Emily is part native btw :]
#it's 1/8th if u were wondering#i myself am 1/16th but i based the percentage off of my dad who is 1/8th and has dark curly hair like charlie#just character design rambles.#i know it's like. not that much. to be 1/16th native american. but it's always been the most important part of my identity to me eheh#like growing up i was just always more interested in it#when native american history came up in social studies classes i would pay way more attention#i'd actively look for books in the library about the Cherokee people or the Trail of Tears#as i'm ancestrally Cherokee#there was like a. ~special club~ at my elementary school thatd meet every so often#for all the native american kids in school. and we'd discuss native american history during lunch#that i got to be in. that was fun#im just rambling at this point. its a part of me that's important to me even if it's so little#and to my dad too. ive learned quite a bit of stuff from him
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Okay time for the PBS Kids essay
Read it under the cut!
:readmore:
In 1968, before there was PBS Kids proper, there was Mr. Rogerâs Neighborhood. While it came several decades before the childrenâs block, it laid the foundation for the themes and values present in every facet of the networkâs history.
Mr. Roger famously hated childrenâs programming at the time. To him, it all was droll and useless. But he didnât dissuade the medium entirelyâ he saw potential. Potential that led to a few smaller television jobs, and eventually the creation of Mr. Rogerâs neighborhood.
Rogers didnât invent educational TV for children, but he did perfect it. He poured real heart and soul into probably the most sincere, heartfelt program in history.
Honestly, he could have his own essay. The more things you learn about the real man of Mr. Rogers, the more youâll like him.
Anyway, the biggest thing that makes PBS different is the fact that it earns money through grants, fundraisers, and private donorsâ not through sponsorships and merchandise sales. This way, PBS Kids can push programming that it feels is important, rather than programming that merely sells well.
This also means PBS is less afraid of pushing social boundaries. Money doesnât go away when their shows become subjects of debateâ and Mr. Rogers took full advantage of this.
For context, this was 1969. The Jim Crow era had just barely, barely ended. Pool segregation was still very much legal.
youtube
Mr. Rogers sharing a pool and a towel with the Black Mr. Clemmons was a pretty big deal at the timeâ especially on a show made for children.
Rogers was far from the untouchable sacred cow of today. When he was alive, he had a large number of detractors. Letâs just say that scene didnât fly nicely by everyone.
Just one year after the debut of Mr. Rogerâs came Sesame Street.
While Mr. Rogerâs was made for all children, Sesame Street had the explicit goal of supplementing the education of underserved communitiesâ especially inner-city Black (and later Latino) children.
While it was made to be accessible to children of all races and income levels, they definitely went the extra mile to make it something special for inner-city Black and Brown kids. (Why do you think it itâs âSesame Streetâ and not âSesame Cul-de-Sacâ?)
At the time, a wholesome, sweet show set in a brownstone street was practically unheard of.
Jon Stone, the casting director, deliberately sought to make the cast as rich with color as he possibly could, bringing on a huge amount of Black talent such as Loretta Long, Matt Robinson, and Kevin Clash, as well as featuring Black celebrities as guest stars. Later, the show would expand its horizons, bringing on actors from Latino, Asian, Native American, and many more backgrounds.
White actors were and still are a minority on show.
In addition to letters and numbers, the purpose of Sesame Street is clear: make kids of color know that theyâre smart, beautiful, and loved.
youtube
It doesnât get more explicit than this.
I want to point out this comment because itâs funny
Youâre telling me this bitch isnât Hispanic???
Anyway, these two were followed up by Reading Rainbow in 1983. And guess what?
Thatâs right. Non-white focus.
These three shows, (along with other, lesser-known programs like Lamb-Chops Play Along, Newtonâs Apple, and Shining Times Station (who featured Ringo Starr himself?? seriously how did that happen and why does no one talk about it) and some other nostalgic favorites like Bill Nye the Science guy, The Magic Schoolbus, Arthur, and Thomas the Tank Engine) aired on the new PTV block, which evolved into PBS Kids in 1999, bringing along Between the Lions, Dragon Tales, and many more.
Arthur is another stand-out that Iâd like to talk aboutâ it doesnât have the same racial focus of Sesame Street, but it does focus on different income levels. The characters have various housing situations, from apartments to mansions to no home at all.
It also takes cues from Sesame Street and Mr. Rogerâs in regards to talking about tough topics, though as Arthur has a slightly older target audience, it discusses things through stories rather than talking directly to the audience.
Cancer, religion, workplace discrimination, along with current (at the time) events such as 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina are all discussed on the show.
Another big focus on Arthur is disability. For once, they donât stick a character in a wheelchair and then pretend heâs not in a wheelchair. A striking number of major characters either develop or get diagnosed with physical disabilities and/or neurodivergences, such as asthma, severe food allergies, and dyslexia, and they deal with them in very realistic ways.
A handful of minor characters have more obvious disabilities, and THANK GOD they go beyond the trite messaging of âdisabled people can do everything abled people can do! everyone clap now!â
One episode in particular has the awesome message of âholy shit stop trying to help me all the timeâ itâs patronizing as fuck. I can get around just fine without you stepping on eggshells and trying to be the hero all the fucking timeâ
There are sooo many other shows I could talk about, but I canât write about them all. Iâm definitely gonna point out some more standout ones, though.
Sagwa, the Chinese Siamese Cat
Created by Chinese-American woman Amy Tang
Dragonfly TV
Features a multitude of female and non-white scientists to foster an interest in science with kids in those groups
Maya & Miguel
One of the networkâs first Hispanic-led shows
SciGirls
I shouldnât have to explain what the goal of this one was.
Molly of Denali
When was the last time you saw a show that treated Native Americans as people? Much less a childrenâs show? 90% of the cast is Athabascan, and the show revolves around Athabascan culture, not shying away from topics like boarding schools and modern-day racism. Most of the writers are also Athabascan, and the show even has an official Gwichâin dub!
Itâs this commitment to real, authentic social justice that makes PBS Kids so much different from its competitors. Could you imagine the Paw Patrol dog looking at the camera and earnestly discussing what happened to George Floyd? I donât think soâ but Arthur talked specifically about it, Sesame Street did an hour long special about race in general, and the network itself made a 30 minute special.
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Disney Jr. could never. (Other than trying to teach colorblindness, of course.)
Iâm gonna have to cut this into two parts, since I just hit the image limit
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