#it's getting real when i have to start googling
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Stephen is desperate for Tony to love him back, to the point that he uses his knowledge of Tony to manipulate him into a relationship. (Potentially manipulates things so Tony and Pepper break up? Or this could be after that?) After all, he knows he'll treat Tony right, what does it matter how they get to this point. The ends justify the means, right?
I love this prompt so much. 😃 So much potential here. *rubs hands together*
This is a “they won on Titan” AU. So Pepper and Tony are, prior to this fic, engaged. I did a google for how long Pepper has known Tony and landed on almost 20 years, since she says she’s been curating his art collection for ten years in Iron Man 2 (2010) and Infinity War happens in 2018.
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Stephen knows the instant Tony lands on the Sanctum’s doorstep. By the time the armor is retracted and the Sanctum’s doors have swung open for him, Stephen is already halfway down the stairs. Tony stalks into the foyer and the doors quickly close behind him. A protective gesture, Stephen’s connection to the Sanctum tells him. “Tony. Is everything okay?”
“The wedding’s off,” Tony says shortly. He starts pacing.
Stephen’s heart lifts. “I’m sorry,” he says carefully.
Tony snorts. “Don’t be. I’m the one who called it off. Pepper’s probably still trying to call me.”
“What happened?” Stephen positions himself so that Tony will pass close to him on his traverses of the foyer, but doesn’t try to stop him.
“I took your advice,” Tony says, “and talked to Pepper about DUM-E and U. About what they would need if something happened to me.”
“I take it that didn’t go well.” It never had in any of the futures Stephen had seen.
“Understatement of the year.” Tony raises his hands and scrubs them through his hair. “Pepper has known me for nearly twenty years. She was around when DUM-E literally saved my life! She’s known him and U almost as long. How can she not get it? How did I not realize that she doesn’t get it?”
“If you explained—”
“No,” Tony cuts him off, as Stephen knew he would. There’s a line to tread here; Stephen can’t risk making Tony feel defensive of Pepper. “If she doesn’t get it after all this time, she never will. And frankly, after what she said, I’m not interested in giving her the chance.”
Stephen winces. “That bad?”
Tony stops pacing and turns to face Stephen. “She said, and I quote, “Tony, I know you’re attached to these things, but this is really too far. They’re machines, not children.’”
Stephen lets himself look as appalled as he feels. That was one of the more extreme options. “She called them things?”
Tony barks a harsh laugh. “Yeah. And when I told her that I made them and they have thoughts and personalities of their own and that as far as I’m concerned that does make them my kids, she asked if I’d thought about having real kids. Like we weren’t even talking about the bots anymore, like that conversation was over.”
“I’m sorry, Tony,” Stephen says gently. “I can’t imagine how anyone could meet either DUM-E or U and not understand that they’re people.”
“Me neither,” Tony deflates. “But I’m starting to think that you and I are two of a kind there. I mean, did the other wizards recognize Levi?” Tony waggles his fingers in belated greeting and Levi waved a corner at him.
“The Ancient One once called Levi ‘fickle’,” Stephen says dryly.
“Yeah, no, she clearly didn’t understand them at all,” Tony agrees. He sighs and takes a heavy seat on the Sanctum’s steps. “I thought I was finally going to get my happily ever after, you know?”
Stephen sits beside him. “Would the kind of white picket fence life that Pepper wanted really have made you happy?” he asks. It actually had, in some of those futures. But Tony could be just as happy, often happier, living a different life with Stephen.
“I don’t know,” Tony says. “But I was willing to try.”
Levi flares out and wraps around Tony’s shoulders, giving him a kind of hug where Stephen can’t, not quite yet. And if the action pulls Tony against Stephen for a moment or two, well, so much the better. Levi has been on board with Stephen’s plan from the beginning.
Tony laughs and pats the fold of cloak curled around him. “Thanks, Levi.” He turns to Stephen, almost close enough to kiss. They aren’t there yet, but Stephen can’t help thinking about it. Tony goes on, oblivious. “Want to come hang out with the bots with me? I’m feeling the need for some quality time.”
Stephen smiles. “I’d love to.”
Everything is going exactly as planned.
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Had a funeral on Tuesday had dance practice on Wednesday, which made me feel like shit since my dance partner was real vocal about not wanting to dance with me and had work Thursday and Friday. So big week.
But on a different note
I'm over 3000 words and 7 pages into a google doc of the first chapter of the 10 bllu children, and here is a tiny fluffy snippet of what I wrote tonight before I go to sleep.
‘How far along are you?’ Regulus questioned, tilting his head to look up at his lover, big grey eyes full of adoring love for his significant other. ‘Umm, three weeks but technically almost two months.’ That managed to get Regulus to pull himself away from his task of giving Remus’ belly as many kisses as possible, sitting up and giving Remus a strange confused look before speaking. ‘What do you mean by that?’
‘Well, I’m a werewolf, so my pregnancy is a little shorter than humans.’
‘How much shorter are we talking?’
‘Anywhere between 2 to 5 months.’
Regulus could have passed out there and then, his mind is instantly swarmed with all they would have to prepare in such little time. And three weeks had already been wasted on thinking that Remus had a bad stomach bug when in reality he had started carrying their little baby. And wow, wasn’t that a thought, they were going to have a baby, a real living breathing human being that was theirs. He couldn’t stop himself from just staring, mouth hanging open. The only way to describe what he was feeling was pure awe, already so insanely proud of Remus for even making it this far.
‘We’re having a baby darling.’ Regulus whispered into Remus’ curls, holding him close to his chest, bringing a hand down between them to rub at Remus’ baby bump. Remus himself had tears in his eyes again, wrapping his arms around his neck and snuggling close.
#marauder era#remus lupin#dead gay wizards#romantic moonwater#regulus x remus#regulus black#the 10 bllu children#trans remus lupin
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Strands
This is the first piece of fiction I ever wrote, and I posted it on AO3 exactly six months ago. When I started writing I had no real plans. I was getting an overcomplicated daydream out of my head and into a google doc.
It is now half a year and over 150k words later. Writing has been a balm and a bulwark against some pretty awful events; it has eased the dread and pain of a major new chronic illness (I already had two so it is especially unwelcome). I've also met several lovely people on AO3 and Tumblr and it's been such an uplift to have a way to share my brain rot.
Anyway, here's the story. It's a short, G-rated piece of fluff, Gale/fTav. Here's the link to AO3 if you'd prefer to read it there: Strands
He is struggling with the leather tie, cursing under his breath, when he sees a familiar pair of boots stop before the half-open tent flap. It's early - he hadn't been able to sleep much, the orb snarling hungrily every half-hour or so - so to see her awake and moving about is unexpected.
“Gale?” she calls. “Is everything all right?”
He gives up on the dratted tie and emerges from his tent, shaking his now too-long hair ruefully. He'd been ignoring it for months, despite Tara’s endless nagging. Like any cat, she had a firm belief in proper grooming. The battle royale over his beard had ended in detente, and that only because he had left her with Blackcloak.
“I'm perfectly well, only sick of this mop falling into my face at inopportune moments. It was manageable a month ago, when our… adventure began, but no longer. Perhaps it's time to do away with it entirely.”
At this, Niamh cocks a skeptical eyebrow. Her left one, it's only ever her left. He finds himself noticing these things, finds his eyes on her even when she's speaking with the others or working on her own.
“No,” she says, humming softly - always humming - as she eyes his unruly hair thoughtfully. “Were you trying to tie it up?”
“I was. Imagine my disgust to find I couldn't manage such a simple task. Indeed after a few attempts my arms began to tire, though how I could not tell you. I don't quite understand how I can lift a heavy pack or flip an iron pan, but can't manage to hold my own arms above my head for longer than a minute or two without fatigue. Perhaps the mechanism…” he trails off as he sees her trying and failing to hide a smile.
“That's quite normal,” she assures him. “I learned how to do it so long ago I hardly remember, but it's not a natural movement. Can I show you?”
She holds out her hand for the tie and he feels a spasm of guilt. She is always doing this, always helping, always noticing when he needs help, and he never can do enough for her. She never seems to need anything, self-sufficient and closed away.
Well. Not entirely closed away. He remembers with sudden clarity the warmth and directness of her gaze at the party, the small touches and smiles and jokes in the tendays since. He remembers the sweetness of her lips in the Weave in almost unbearable detail and is horrified to find his face flushing at the memory.
She drops her hand, seeing his hesitation. “Or, we can ask Lae’zel for something sharp and cut it all off for you. What do you think?”
“No, no,” he huffs an embarrassed laugh. “I'm sorry, you're very good to offer. In fact I was trying something akin to how Lae’zel wears her hair - only the front parts pulled away from her face. How is that done?”
He hands her the tie and is surprised when she pivots to fold herself gracefully onto the rug in front of his tent.
“Here,” she turns to pat the cushion behind her, “sit behind me and watch how I do it.”
He sits obediently and a good deal less gracefully - curse these creaky old knees, maybe he will finally take Halsin up on the offer to look at them - as she swiftly undoes her upper braid to let her hair hang free.
She has beautiful hair. It flows back from her curving, silver-grey horns to end below her shoulders in a gentle wave. It's white, cloud-white with a hint of storm grey at her temples and throughout the length, though in the flickering torchlight it shines with the colors of the fire. He has spent substantial time around tieflings, Waterdeep bustles with all kinds of people, but he has never seen one of her coloring.
Karlach had asked her, once, about her lineage. White hair and bluefire eyes, with a warm copper skin, pointed to an unusual infernal bloodline. Niamh had said very little, as was her way when asked about herself or her history - only that she hadn't grown up with other tieflings during her childhood in Silverymoon, and didn't know anything interesting or useful about her background.
He wonders again about her life, who she was and who she is, as she shakes her hair loose and holds up the tie.
“Are you watching?” she asks.
“Always,” he replies, and once again blushes at the slip.
He hears the smile in her voice as she instructs him to follow the motion of her hands. She deftly parts, twists, and ties the upper half of her hair into a neat bun, then undoes it and repeats the motion to make sure he has seen it.
It is far less complicated than any of the somatic gestures required for spellcasting, and he feels a surge of irritation that he found it so difficult at first. Surely a prodigy like himself ought to be able to manage something so simple without aid, he thinks, with the thread of shame and self-loathing that has woven itself into almost every waking moment.
She has turned to see if he's paying attention and he sees her face briefly contract with… not pity, but pain, as she watches him. He summons a smile of thanks and takes the tie from her.
“I think I should be able to manage with some practice now. My undying gratitude, lady, as always.”
She looks at him silently for another moment, and then she turns away from him again but remains seated. “Yes, practice. Repetition and study. You can begin now. See if you can tie my hair up properly.”
He freezes, of course. “What? You don't need to - that is, I don't mind practicing on myself, you've already been - I don't - ”
“Gale. Hush. Just try it a few times. Don't pull too tight.”
He hushes, and slowly, carefully allows his fingers to pull back her hair. It is fine, and heavy, and silky in his hands and he suddenly can't quite remember how to breathe. He hears her humming again, sweet and soothing, and he thinks of the Weave. Of gossamer filaments and the faint scent of rosewater, of remote beauty and perfection.
He gently twists her hair, applies the tie, and realizes that it is not remoteness or perfection that he desires, not any longer. It is the softness of her hair, the weight and scent of it, like apples and salt, that he wants; it is the quiet sense of trust and peace as they sit on the ground, together, alone. He sees a nick in one of her horns near its tip, probably from catching a blow meant for him or one of the others, and feels a strange contracting sensation in his chest. The orb, however, is oddly quiet.
“Good!” she says, sensing he has finished. “Take it out and try it again.”
He does. She continues to hum in what he now understands is relaxation, and pleasure at his touch. So he can do something for her after all. He knows he can't go much farther than this, and she knows it too. She's been channeling any frustration into combat or her violin sufficiently well that he can't really tell if she's bothered by his inability to be physical. He himself has a lifetime of mental discipline to bolster him through this sort of thing, this drawn-out self-denial. Despite this, it daily becomes more difficult not to declare himself, orb be damned.
He ties and reties her hair, gently touching her in the only way he can, until it becomes apparent that the rest of the camp is waking. It's impossible to tell the time of day in the Underdark, and though there's enough strangeness here to satisfy his curiosity for a lifetime, he is glad they'll be leaving for the mountain pass and Lae'zel's creche once they finish up their business at Grymforge.
She sighs. “We'd better get armed and armored soon. Another day awaits.” She turns again to smile at him, and he knows without the aid of the tadpole that her thoughts have run similar to his. Then she scoots to the side and pats the spot where she's just been sitting.
“Your turn.”
At this point he is too relaxed to argue - an almost entirely new state of being for Gale Dekarios - and slides off his cushion onto the rug. It still holds the warmth of her body and he does his best not to focus on this too much.
She settles herself on the cushion behind him. Her touch in his hair nearly makes him gasp, despite the fact he'd been expecting it. She is running her fingers through it, stroking, gently pulling tangles loose, and he closes his eyes to lose himself in the sensation. Her hands are strong and dextrous, musician's hands, and he has not felt a touch like this in so, so long.
At this point she has gone from humming to murmuring a full-blown lullaby and he laughs.
“This is hardly the way to prepare me for battle.”
She laughs back at him, quiet and delighted. She sounds happy, and that something in his chest squeezes again.
“You've got lovely hair,” she remarks. “It's got so many colors in it. Brown, red, silver. It reminds me of some of the old trees around Silverymoon.”
“Silver unfortunately becoming a predominant shade,” he quips.
“Yes, but I like it.” And then, so quietly he can hardly hear it, “Stress and pain and terror will have that effect. I wish I could help.”
She finishes her twisting and tying and drops her hands into her lap. He feels their absence keenly - he suspects he probably always will, now - and impulsively turns to take one in his.
“You help so much, every day, in so many ways I'll never be able to count them or thank you for them.” He looks earnestly into her strange eyes, willing her to believe him. “But I'll do my best to be of use as long as you need me, as long as I can.”
Her mouth curves into a half-smile, strangely sad.
“You don't have to be of use. I'm just glad and grateful you're here.”
She pushes off the ground, still holding his hand, and pulls him up after her.
“Though undoubtedly your aim with that firebolt will improve now that your hair isn't falling into your eyes,” she comments, examining him. “It looks good. You're not intending to change anything else, are you? The beard?”
“Oh no,” he laughs in protest, “the beard stays. I fought hard with Tara to keep it.”
She bites her lip and, to his shock, reaches up and cups his face in her hand. Her thumb brushes feather-soft under his cheekbone.
“Good.”
They stand like that for a moment, eyes locked, his hand making its way up to her wrist and holding her there. The orb chooses this moment to flare to life, pinching and twisting horribly until he can't help but wince, and she seems to come to herself and takes her hand away.
“I'm sorry,” she says. “I know better.”
“So do I,” he replies. “But I can't bring myself to regret it.”
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Hi it’s the Kaz/Alina/Darkling anon! I don’t really have anything specific in mind there’s so little for the ship that I’m down for anything lol. But I wouldn’t mind another soulmate au☺️
hi there! sorry this took so long, but i finally decided how to write a sequel to this fic so have a peek! (in case you have not read the first fic, it is here, but basically kaz, alina, and the darkling are soulmates. that's the important info haha)
“We should kill them all,” Alina says conversationally, nails gripping the wood of the makeshift War Table, when the council of Grisha cannot agree on the amount of ships that will sail to retrieve their third. Some suggest masking it as a small expedition. Others, a full out armada, prepared for battle.
The tent is hot. Alina knows that it is because of her. Can feel the sun roiling underneath her skin.
“Pekka Rollins is the problem,” Inej is saying as Alina consciously takes her nails out of the table, twirling her knife in her fingers. Inej is the only non-Grisha in the tent, and yet, the entire war council weighs each word of hers carefully. “We can send a small group in to extract Kaz and be out, no one the wiser.”
“Ketterdam is the problem,” Alina hisses. “If they do not present my soulmate to me at the docks of their loathsome city, regardless of who took him, I will sink it.”
Many people in the tent gape at Alina, who is normally the one talking their General down from similar action. “You are suggesting war-” Zoya begins.
“I am suggesting annihilation,” Alina corrects. “War implies that they would have the ability to fight back.”
“Even if we end the city,” Ivan says, “and I am not against it, we still need to find Mr. Brekker first.”
“I can find him,” Inej says confidently.
“Ketterdam will find him,” Alina argues, and the room begins to heat to unbearable temperatures, “when they see Ravka’s forces, with the Darkling and I at the helm, crossing the sea. They will find him if they want to live.”
“You are too emotional,” Aleksander says, the first thing he has said in a long time. and the tent is so silent that one could hear a pin drop. Sweat drips from Inej's brow.
Alina opens her mouth to scream, raises her hands to choke him or burn him or something similarly painful, just to release what is building inside of her.
“You are not wrong, Alina, but you need to calm yourself. The sun is leaking from you,” he elaborates, and she bares her teeth at him. “I have a solution.”
He grasps her by the wrist before she can Cut him, yanks her after him out of the tent, into the woods.
She readies herself for a fight. He throws her against a tree, and, and,
Takes her mouth with his.
It’s not a kiss. Something so brutal, so angry, so primal, cannot be called a kiss. She draws blood from his lips, from his back where she tears his clothes from his body and into his skin. He draws bruises down her neck and along her back where he shoves her against the bark of the tree.
He fights her down into the grass and dirt, and she burns. A thin layer of shadow protects him from the worst of it, but he still feels hot to the touch. He is never hot to the touch.
When she comes, she presses her power down, not up. She wants to hurt him, but she does not want to destroy him.
He does the same, pressing his shadows down into the ground around her, a perfect cut out of her body underneath his. She dreams about that kind of control.
When they come to, it is on a tiny island of dirt. In the middle of a crater, maybe fifty feet in any direction. He helps her to her feet, and they climb down and up, back to camp.
“We will find him,” Alina says. Or I will burn it all down, she doesn’t say. But it does not go unheard.
“We will bring him home,” Aleksander agrees. Or no mortal will survive my wrath, is left unsaid. Alina, too, hears it all the same.
There are no saints in the clearing. Leaving a crater of their own making, hand in hand in destruction, are two gods.
#darklina#kaz x darkling x alina#alina starkov#kazalina#the darkling#kaz brekker#aleksander morozova#what are ship names#my writing#answered#anonymous#this is gonna be a whole thing just wait#alina is like poseidon's job doesn't sound too hard#how does the sun drown a city?#stay tuned#it's getting real when i have to start googling#the scientific nature of natural disasters
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What do English people call a close? You know, the stairwell bit where all the flats are in a tenement? If you go to visit someone at their flat, what do you call the bit where you wait for them to answer their door? That communal stairs… area?
("Modern AUs don't require research" MAYBE IF YOU'RE ENGLISH THEY DON'T 😭)
#no i can't google it that just gets me “word that mean the same as close: near; next-to; intimate” and so on#godddd it was bad enough to be reminded that they don't call juice 'juice' wasn't it#i think i should try to cut a chapter or two from my outline - at this rate when i finish 12 chapters there'll be 3 readers left for it 💀#but the POV alternates which complicates cutting whole chapters out. hrm.#...wait there's no rule that says you can only post one part at a time is there? i could do it in sets of 3 or something couldn't it?#and that way nobody's forced to wait a week or whatever for the crucial Actually They Are Scamming Each Other reveal at the start#also i am starting to rethink the 'finish it all first' approach as it turns out i hate sitting on finished chapters and just get impatient#SO WHAT IF... what if i write the first three chapters and post those and then worry about the rest of it later?#it leaves the scary chance of it staying a WIP forever but i don't think anyone's on the edge of their seats for a sylki scammer AU anyway#OKAY I'LL DO THAT (feel free to try to convince me not to tho)#wait do they even have tenements in that london#a while ago i found out my address contains an unacceptable character because tenements are mostly just a scottish thing#and i was like “oh so THAT'S why websites refuse to believe it could be a real flat number?” nae tenements ootside the central belt! wtf!#...how do you even fit flats into buildings there then? do yous just arrange them in some weird tardislike liminal space?#where do you keep the stairs then? D:#*strange hand movements as i attempt to map out this bizarre topology that is apparently normal everywhere else in the uk*
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a2ee005fa2d00a7f0d50c582cda96b1d/10c26790bb82a4bc-6e/s540x810/6a07d7846f1c9dbb6b85773070da0353764e1d72.jpg)
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Notes:
I think I definitely like the original versions more than the edited ones. I'm more happy with the grumpy Fernando one, whereas the bratty Seb one made me want to cease painting forever. So hopefully he looks good?????? I'm sure I'll soften on it, but yeah, not TOO pleased with it right now. His facial expressions are so cute and dynamic and unique until you have to try and paint it and then you dont love him anymore(kidding ofc, how could I ever hate my beloved boy king 🥺)
Anyways, these are them:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f9dd86bff44691254f215ee9bcd52f91/10c26790bb82a4bc-89/s540x810/e1e18f8a4829b9a789cafe2470d2ea6bc60c1eed.jpg)
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#the caption is a multi-pronged reference so if you get it you get it 🤭#hint: the quote is both a translation of a vettonso thing but its also not...exact. i added a little spice to it#so yeah translate all of that first(the first part of the quote wont work in google translate tho)#and then also the rest of the caption is both a reference to a real life thing but also me making it AUified !!#hehehe let me know your thoughts 🤭 was so fucking pleased w it when i first told C about it#ngl putting that quote was the main thing pushing me thru finishing the seb one#im like CMON YOU CAN DO IT!! IF YOU FINISH IT YOU CAN PUT YOUR SILLY LATIN JOKE!!! YOU LOVE LATIN!!#anyways i drafted this before i even really started the seb one#and my god LOOK AT THEIR HAND SIZE DIFFERENCE WOOF WOOF WOOF#did you guys notice...seb's ring...his wedding...ring? 🤭🤭🤭#wanted to add one to nando but his left ring finger isnt really visible but just so you know hes wearing it#I have a lot of thoughrs about rings and ungloved vs gloved hands grrrrrrr#theres a lot of meaning in it to me and it adds to their characterization so ill try and make a post abt thay sometime !#anyways pls enjoy the fruits of my labor.....#vettonso so good it makes me PAINT TWO PORTRAITS#i think before this au i was kinda trying to get away from painting csuse it stressed me out too much#and then the vettonso brainrot is so horrinle that im willing to paint for like...an undisclosed amnt of time#undisclosed not bcs im being secretive but bcs i have no idea and irs 6 am and i have school JSKFLVL#okay bur yes yes please enjoy. and enjoy my suffering as a purveyor of vettonso 🥹 id do anything for my lieges#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#vettonso#catie.art.#boy king au
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Something funny on the discourse axis of "is it ethical to kill animals for food" / "can't you just eat vegetables," is that few things in this world make a person so strongly feel the emotion of "wow I could eat that animal in particular," as trying to grow vegetables and having them be eaten by a varmint*
*generally I don't approve of categorizing animals as pests or vermin. Like as a concept I think that leads quickly to bad places in terms of how you relate to your local ecology. And generally to resolve a conflict of this sort with an animal you probably have to change how you're relating to the local ecology (see: integrated pest management). BUT that being said. Sometimes you make eye contact with a rabbit in your garden,, after bemoaning the nipped off remnants of your soon-to-be-ripening vegetables,,,
#quite frankly the rabbit in question would not be worth the effort#by the time you got it cleaned there'd hardly be two bites of meat on it#Also my Real ethical conundrum is that while I've long felt that as a meat-eater I should be prepared to do my own butchery#I've always been too squeamish to learn any of it#And I do feel like that squeamishness is a bit of a hypocrisy.#Also the vegetables I've been Most peeved to loose have been the tomatoes (just as they start to ripen!!)#and I think that may actually be rats :[#Which I do not want to eat. For other various reasons.#So I may be displacing the emotion onto the rabbit who I happen to know would taste good.... further ethical dishonesty#the REAL question is where's the neighborhood coyote when you need them#google search 'how to attract coyotes to yard'#'get coyotes to eat my bunnies how'
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13, trying to prevent yaz from spiralling when they get separated: i need you to do a deepdive into eschatology
#fghgjhjhggh#'yea i know this sucks babe but we'll figure it out the fate of the world is on your shoulders i believe in you kisses <3'#like thats where you'll end up right#'find out when the aliens come try and take over'#eschatology and death cults and conspiracy theories probably#forced to sift through like centuries of that stuff for years on end trying to find the Real in all of it#and you cant.......stop. bc the world will end#i dont think you come out of that.................normal#even with the best starting condition you dont come out of that normal but yaz is like#functional only by virtue of her circumstances i think#she looks fine bc shes standing next to 13#i dont think shes normal under the surface#i dont think 4 years of apocalypticism left her untouched#dan either i mean i dont think anyone comes out of that untouched but these two are like barely keeping it together beforehand#can you imagine how WEIRD theyve become#can you imagine how obliviously and kind of unsettlingly weird they'd be in support groups#the others would get it like sure none of us are really normal anymore but like#i think they'd be weird#4 years of having to depend on each other and not knowing if you'll get back home and having to take The End Times seriously nonstop as a#matter of urgency and duty#and then losing the third member of your party?#dan and yaz will be so weird and fucked up#iknow im repeating myself but im just trying to put myself in the frame of mind of#having to take intepretations of the end times seriously for 4 years#when youre already like a lowkey suicidal person to begin with#i think if yaz hangs out with 14 she'll say such weird and fucked up things entirely obliviously and he'd be like O.O#she probably still has 1900 habits that show up unexpectedly#or like just miscalibrated. has to take a trip to another country and takes a train bc she forgets planes exist#has to look up somethign and just goes SIGH. gets her coat to go to the library. and ryans like ??? ive googled it#and shes like oh fuck google
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trust me, i'm mixed but decidedly am nonetheless Not Black in said mix, and i know what person gets awkward "chuckles" and whose "childish" usage of language (mine) gets actual laughter
#i just saw a tiktok of non-Black people using Very Evident AAVE and like. idk if theyre fluent in AAVE or not bc im not fluent#and i know growing up by proxy of those communities (even if you yourself are Non-Black) can lead to fluency and Black people#tend to welcome those fluent speakers. im not talking to those people. but anyone who is not fluent?? stop it#youre missing the real comedy gold here buckaroo for that racist poppycock and fiddlesticks. the fuck#...but yeah im not fluent in AAVE at all and even i was p sure the people in that tiktok were not fluent either like ew yucky#last time i experienced people being uncool like that was at a party where a white dude whose background implied he was#definitely appropriating AAVE ''because the word just sounds funnier'' (i wonder why. ask yourself why an AAVE word sounds ''funny'')#bc bro went to private school in a largely white neighborhood and he kept being baffled that people found me funnier than him#like gee its almost comedy is funnier when it is thoughtful about why you are using the words youre using to what end#but the guy was BEFUDDLED like he wanted the social currency i was getting but he didnt want to be seen as ''lame'' for#using words that were ''uncool and babyish'' like. yeah. thats the comedy. thats the point. its that juxtaposition of that#with me being super rad and tubular you silly-billy. i dont feel babied at all for using the words i do#in fact i think itd be eVEN FUNNIER if some manly man started using ''smoochy-smooch'' and ''lickety-split''#anyway. that tiktok brought me unwelcome flashbacks. fuck that party-guy. ugh#(for the record: i did try to correct him. but he kept insisting ''its not AAVE; it's internet slang'' and id be like ''yeah okay but where#do you it came from before the internet?? have you even looked it up?'' and hed say ''i dont need to. shit came from twitter. i saw it#happen myself'' like?? ''nO YOU DIDNT. YOU JUST SAW WHEN IT ENTERED YOUR SPHERE OF THE INTERNET. THAT DOESNT#MEAN IT WAS BORN THERE YA GOOFY-GOOBER'' smh i tried)#(ps. i have since learned you gotta google that shit FOR THEM and IN FRONT OF THEM. and even then its a 50/50. god damn it)#me
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I've lost every single friend I had in the last 2 ish years due to my deteriorating mental illness and i exist in total isolation all day long today i didn't have contact with another human person for 7 hours and I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind and sanity but also if any one asks me to do anything I can't and i certainly can't work so ❓
#and if you're reading this I'm not like in despair about this I'm just deeply deeply lonely and I'm making it worse for the people around me#and I've realized that I'm not a normal individual and i will always be this strange clingy girl and I'm not normal about relationships#platonic or romantic#and my woman's is amazing and i love her but she works and has school and a social life . and i am just so far behind.#and i feel like i will always be so far behind.#and it's funny how things can change in one year or two years. i feel like everyone kept going and i got left behind ??#i think i have clinical depression. I actually think i have a lot of things but everyone only seems to be concerned with this one diagnosis#i have. which objectively is bad and i get their concern.#and i get that i have to start being a contributing member of society but it feels like my brain is incapable of that.#and when i had the REAL problems i wasn't worried about this stuff. which is why i think it's just my bullshit in my brain. and it would#probably be better if i could leave the fucking house and do normal person things.#quick google search how do i learn to be a real person at 20 years old!?!?
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i will always advocate for skipping classes btw. to all the high schoolers following me: don't sweat having a perfect attendance record it quite literally does not matter. if anyone tells you good attendance is important for being considered for scholarships they're lying to you. my attendance was fucking abysmal and i was offered several full-ride scholarships because my grades were still solid and that's all 90% of colleges care about.
and besides. taking care of yourself - whether you need a mental health break or you're tired or you just frankly don't want to go to that fucking class - should always take priority! now don't take a page from my book and skip a month and a half's worth of pe classes because you ditched One Time because the coach said he was going to make everyone run a mile that day and then he kept trying to get you to "make up" the mile that you missed so you kinda just stopped showing up until he gave up on you forever like please know that you should go to class regularly BUT.
i think taking time off and leaving early and such needs to be normalized. for school and work. i don't think it's fair to punish people for needing breaks. the human brain is literally not made to sit in the same stifling environments for 8 hours almost every day and just focus on "working" or "studying" and "learning." it's very cruel to deprive young, still developing minds especially of proper breaks and time to Play (not that it's not cruel to do the same to adults)
if the system won't give them to you freely though... well. break the rules a little. you know your limits better than anyone. don't try to work to an impossible standard. rest when you need to!! it's very, very easy to burn yourself out, but it's very, very, very, very difficult to recover from it
#i believe all teachers should have flexible due dates on their assignments and should accept late work without penalty#like. i can't fathom the purpose of strict due dates and no late work policies. the only Real deadline is when grades have to be submitted#maybe a week or a week and a half before that hard deadline can be the last call for turning in missing work#because obviously if 15 students turn in All of their missing assignments the day before their teacher has to finalize grades like#that's not going to end well for anybody. but outside of That#there's no fucking point in no late work policies. some hs teachers are idiots man like your kids have 6-8 other classes yknow.#and a life outside of school. jobs. sports. clubs. friends. time for themselves so they can unwind and recharge#do you want them to rush through your assignments and get everything wrong? or copy all the answers off of google?#or do you want them to learn what you're teaching them? if you want your kids to learn you have to be flexible and open#i believe there should always be an alternative to taking tests. they work for some students but not everybody#if you cater to only one style of learning and only 1/8th of your class learns and retains the material like.#that's not the kids' fault. it's not their failure. it's Your failure for not being an actual fucking teacher#ugh. can you tell i'm extremely passionate about this Lol#sometimes when i tell people i want to be a teacher they're like are you sure...?#and then at some point we might have a conversation about the education system and i'll go on a tirade and they're like i understand now.#starts punching walls and stuff
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[@distinguished-turtle-enjoyer ]
i actually have not stopped thinkin bout your bb!edit like,,,, its so good and scratches my brain right
how long have you been doin edits for? do have any tips for someone, who hypothetically, wants to start doin edits too? what programs do you use? how did you do the cool animated bits?
im so sorry for all the qustions 😭😭 i just think youre very talented and inspirational and i hope you have a good day ^_^
hi firstly oh my gosh you're literally so sweet i am gently shaking you i love you so much /p. secondly, i apologize for the long answer! (it's all under the cut. this got away from me. i'm so sorry apparently i have a lot to say.) (also you're so good about the questions i would constantly be asking one of my professors questions during class to the point where she said i didn't have to go "i have a question" every time i approached her)
i've been editing since 2016! around march/april, i think? loved it so much i went into film & video production in college as a major so i could do editing for a living. (i have done more motion graphics for my classmates than i have done edits outside of class assignments, BUT!)
the program i use is after effects - i started learning it when covid first hit the united states because i had nothing better to do with my time (other than music theory but i failed that bc my professor focused more on the history aspects than the actual theory soooo) and my ipad kept giving me the "no more storage" whenever i tried to use videostar lmao. (vs has, apparently, gotten a LOT of good updates, so if you're looking to start editing and have an ios system, i'd look into it! only downside is you have to pay for some of the cool stuff).
also the program i use for masking (i think i explain this later dwdw) is superimpose. i've been using it since 2014 and it's SO nice bc i can use my fingers to erase backgrounds & stuff instead of hoping i can get it to work correctly in ae or photoshop (photoshop my DETESTED i'll use it but i'll complain the entire time).
for people who want to start editing: tutorials on how your program works and how to do specific transitions are gonna be your best friend when you're first figuring things out! i forced a friend to literally walk me through how after effects worked when i was first figuring it out, and when i had swapped to videostar back in 2017/2018(?) i had watched a Lot of tutorials. that and played around a lot and figured things out on my own - which is also always a good way to start!! it's also totally valid to look at other people's edits for inspiration - most editors don't really care, as long as you don't flat-out remake their edit (some people don't like that!). i have a style insp folder on instagram where i save edits that i like so if i need transition ideas or i'm doing a different style, i can look there for inspiration. at the end of the day, as long as you're having fun with it that's all that matters!
also, starting simple is always okay!! my edits for a year were just me slapping gifs & video segments together on a timeline in cute cut pro bc imovie didn't load them lol & it'd crash every time i breathed. ++ it never hurts to ask people for feedback/constructive(!!!) criticism/etc! (also not to sound like everyone else but practice? good. it's so good. if i showed my 14/15y/o self some of the edits i can make now they would've passed out on the spot bc i was still trying to figure out transitions back then. programs can also sometimes make a difference in edits, but usually it's not super noticeable until you start getting to the Complicated Shit.)
a lot of popular programs i've seen are ones like video star (ios only), alight motion (android only), after effects (i recommend 🏴☠️ing it tbh, i only use it legally bc i had to use adobe programs for school), capcut, and i think some people still use sony vegas pro & maybe cute cut pro (i've heard it may have actually gotten better since i last used it in 2018)? i have no idea. programs also depend on whatever device you're using to edit on! since i've been using my laptop, i'm able to use after effects (it's computer-only), but when i used my phone/ipad to edit i used ccp & vs.
for the animation - it's a lot of cutting up the image and masking! more complex animations, like the one i had of leo walking down that red 'hallway' have several different layers that have been masked. (i removed the background & filled in the spot where leo originally was in two different apps - superimpose (taking leo out) & photoshop (filling in the bg)) in after effects, the way i've done this was mask out the specific thing i wanted to move (like an eye) and then put that mask on what i've called a "base" (not animated), and then stick a solid behind the base to match the color of the object. (some of my layers are not named appropriately; base 2 is the left arm & the four "SIX_[...]" layers are the mask/bandana tails)
an example of this would be for any of the eye blink animations i did! this (above) is the same shot, with and without the eye - since it's masked out and i have the background solid behind it, it doesn't look too unnatural/have a black outline/mass where his eye should be.
what it looks like without the solid layer behind it ^ (the red lines are from the null layers - ignore that)
this is what my timeline looks like if it's a more simplistic animation - the only five things being animated here are leo & raph's eyes. (there's only this many layers bc it's two characters in one shot & i was also animating their pupils - typically, an eye-blink animation is about 4-6 layers for me (solid, base, mask, & null to animate with, 6 if i'm animating both eyes & 4 if just one))
in after effects, there's this really cool tool called the puppet pin that one of my friends (lovingly) yelled at me for not knowing about - which. yeah fair she wasn't wrong it's SUPER useful in animating, provided you chop up your image first. if you don't it's a mess.
(separated by layer vs i should've really put the mask tails & leo's head on separate layers and didn't bc that was the 2nd to last animation i had to do and i was losing my mind bc i wanted to be done with the edit lmao)
the way people animate depends all on their style (there's two common ways to do blinking animation - having the anchor point at the bottom of the eye, or the middle of it) and the program they use. it's been a while, but i could probably tell you how to do some basic animations on videostar still even though i've been doing them in after effects for about 2-3years now. ALSO the best way to have an animation be noticeable is to over-exaggerate it/make them Big - which, yes, can mean 'breaking bones' and having the limbs be a little wonky at the start. (if you want it to be realistic though go Just to the point where it looks uncomfortable lmao)
uhm. again i am so sorry that this is so long i THINK this is everything? if not: my inbox/dms are always open if you ever want to ask more questions, wanna follow up on something, etc etc!! (also if you ever start editing please send me your edits!!! i'd love to see them <3)
#this got away from me im SO sorry (just put this in google docs out of curiosity. 1255 words. i am so sorry for the essay.)#uhm. ANYWAY YES like i said if you have any other questions feel free to reach out!!! i am always alway willing to help people out#with stuff like this!!! i can talk your ear off though if this wasn't enough proof of that /j#if nothing makes sense it's bc i'm responding to this at like. 5am my time. so. my bad if there's typos i'm so sorry#like i think i saw this ask at 4:40ish am and i'm still making sure i've got everything covered and its like 5:32am LMAO#me when i dont sleep bc i have no routine now#ask box pals#art creds in the screenshots to trubblegumm !! <- tagging to be safe#still in shock at the amount of positive feedback im getting from my bb!leo edit like oh my god you guys are incredible ilysm /p#sorry i discovered in the middle of typing out my tags that you can edit them now after you've hit enter where am i.#also this is offtopic so its down here but i am Not complaining about doing more motion graphics than actual editing.#a bitch has won two awards for their motion graphics at festivals and i've been doing them for a YEAR#(laughs in the first time i ever did a real one i won a student award. idk how. but i DID and i won the pro category this year <3)#it would be nice tho to do more editing for short films tho :( had a professor tell me i was good at it.#i should rly start using my camera and shoot my own stuff and edit it huh. maybe i will eventually i have a few ideas.#anyway. i need to stop rambling abt my experience as a film student and go to bed i apparently need to be up in the morning but idk WHEN
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The way I'm still not finished with writing the first two ideas I had in mind for this ship, I'm suddenly getting two more. 🙈🙊 Could somebody please arrange it so that I'd have all the time in the world to write it all? Because 24hrs a day is simply not enough.
#personal#for the record: i am STILL writing the first idea i got#the slow-burn just got way out of hand and i can't seem to stop this train kdjfkjkgkgk#i might actually send the first chapter soon once i'm done editing it#to the poor person/people who volunteered to check it/them for me#if they still want to give it a try lol#because i've written a lot and there's still more to come. 82 pages on google docs and counting#so it's already becoming a small novella#and i'm a little bit scared. not just for myself but for the other people involved as well#for now i've put the second idea on hold but i will continue writing it sooner or later#because i know how what to do with it. how to continue it and how to end it#but then this bitch is suddenly getting two new AUs in mind#they started jumping up and down in my brain like 'hey i think you'll like me; so why don't you write me ASAP'#and i'm like HOW. WHEN#like there's literally just 24hrs a day and there's other stuff i'm supposed to be doing too#i'm supposed to focus on my schoolwork and this is all i can think about and it's killing me for real jfkjf#priorities i has them#but muses have been kind to me and i kind of needed something like this#after feeling like shit for a long time recently#i just wish i had more TIME#anyway
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ppl used to try to make fun of me for using zoo tycoon as a reference for animal shit and idk man like.... the game is literally built off the idea of educating you, it literally has an encyclopedia that tells you not only about the animals but also about the plants too. yeah its a tycoon game but thats only if you focus on it in that sense, personally i dont, I've always liked playing it to learn more about the behaviors of animals. sure things are generalized here and there and not 100% accurate- partially bc it was made in the early 2000's and we've probably acquired more info since then, but regardless its still pretty solid and taught me a lot about certain animals growing up, which other tycoon games dont really offer... anything teach-worthy.
#all im saying is the things zoo tycoon tells me about animals and their behaviors- i can easily google and verify as true.#hardly is it off unless its espousing old data we now know is wrong.#and yeah the ai of the animals is gonna ai and act the way a video game animal would but like be real- WHAT other game pays that much#attention to detail on animal behaviors to even come up with a procedure they can all follow that while robotic and maybe timed too#well to be a little unrealistic since animals dont have as much of a routine like that- they still do all the things those animals do- just#on a routine instead.#i literally used to give so little of a fuck about the tycoon part of the game that i would just put a wall around the entrance and close#the zoo so i could make a wildlife sanctuary and watch the animals interact with eachother lol#it was fun. i also really enjoyed building their environment to be accurate#bc like- not only did it teach me stuff through the encyclopedia- but teaching me this stuff made me MORE curious so i'd seek out#more info. like its a good game and it teaches you p well about animals and is def a game that younger ppl interested in learning#about animals should check out. DEFINITELY a good start to get your kids into animal biology.#im sorry that yall are ig incurious and only ever played the game for the tycoon part but im built different babe#(@ the ppl who tried to make fun of me. yes also animals need more space lmao die mad ig ✌️only referenced the game bc it was#the clearest and most obvious source to me since the game tries to be accurate- but also i know its true from watching MANY MANY#episodes of those animal cop shows where ppl would hoard their animals and on those shows they'd talk about how much space animals#need. and if thats not a good enough source for you then it literally takes second of searching on google. all ik#is if a wolf needs a big ass territory to roam then a dog will never fully be satisfied unless it has that. obv thats an unreasonable#thing to expect ppl to achieve in this day and age- but the less and less you're able to get anything close to that- the less happy they'll#be. and ofc it depends on the dog and their size. which makes it worse when you try to keep a big working dog cramped in a tight space)
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sighing, rembering of win 7 fondly
#cringeposting#it never had issues even when got a whole collection of strange chinese viruses/glitches(?) even when the ol graphics card died#it survived all hardships#and it atually fixed its glitches for real#the recovery points feature? it was like an actual time machine#win 10/11 would never dare#yes dark theme is nice and the start menu is kinda cute if kept organized but so what#it just plays pretends and uwu at you#its whole settings section is such a cluttered mess man#i get confused every time i have to find something in it and often end up googling whereabouts#win7 was confusing with settings too but at least had lists of things in a logical order#like never i had to google for whereabouts of all things back with it
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#personal#hey sorry just a little personal vent here bc im sitting in the docs office waiting and freaking out a little#i might have ms????? a lot of the symptoms seem to match up for me and my pcp referred me to a neurologist...#idk i just started googling shit and ive seen it before but they specifically mentioned that if your doctor suspects u have ma#ms. they might refer u to neurology and like i brought up the EXACT symptoms in the 'when to see ur doctor' section#god if i had ms then a LOT of things would make sense. like a LOT.#im kind of freaking out tho. idk what about . like im glad to be taken seriously and everything but im just.#i guess im scared??? its scary not knowing exactly whats wrong with you#and my anxiety has been real bad lately#and i'm just trying to be normal about all this#auuuhthfhfyfhfhfjfjfhfggghhhhgggvgggg!!!!!!#sorry. im fine. everything will be okay. i just gotta take everything one step at a time#i have people who will support me#and i need to try not to get so worked up about everything#i know i tend to overreact when i start googling symptoms and start self diagnosing#but idk this seems different this time. this seems too real.#:((((((
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