#it's fine!! hug all your friends!!!
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for some reason doodling this did not cure my desire for hugs
#miraculous ladybug#it also. didn't help me finish my statistics assignment#it's fine!! hug all your friends!!!#adrien agreste#🌃
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you never change, do you
#thomas the tank engine#thomas and friends#casa tidmouth#ttte henry#ttte gordon#3x4#senjart#I DONT CARE.#I DONT CAAAARRRREEEEEE!!!!!!!#<— he did in fact care.#thinking too hard about this pic makes my head hurt#its okay if you hate me. its okay if you think Im not the same man that you know. its okay if you refuse to change.#I’ll change for you. because thats how things are always like from the very start#Ill listen to all your stories even though you wont listen to mine#maybe thats how you always are gordon. its okay#youre so selfish. so greedy. so childish! but its okay. thats okay. thats why I’m here to take care of you#you dont want to hug me back? hold me? thats fine by me. anything for you gordon#……#………. WELL#WELLLLLLLL#GOODNIGHT ALL. I NEED TO BE SEDATED
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he sat there on the ground and cried. for cas. cas told him he loved him was taken away and he buried his head in his hands and wept
#AND THEN THEY TRIED TO PRETEND LIKE IT WAS FINE? and after the widower arc#it wasn’t even as nearly fucked then this time all their friends got thanos snapped and we don’t even get canon confirmation that they were#brought back. even with covid not even a vo or offhand mention or reference#jack is god and in every drop of rain or whatever.#sure yeah whatever they beat the final boss and got over the protagonist angst of it all but the world was still the same it just wasn’t a#chuck story which only ramped up to being The Big Problem in the season 14 finale.#cas was stabbed by an angel blade and dean broke while wrapping his body for the funeral pyre. ALONE. and was. not doing well#and you tell me it’s whatever after he sat there in that dungeon refused to answer sam’s calls and cried during the complete and total end#of the world. that he just bounced back from that and died and drove around heaven for decades in a few minutes and smiled while americana#electric guitar played on some bridge#cas helped oh that’s nice I guess smile now I have GOT to go drive my car around. because I did not get enough of that in my time on earth.#unlike my time with cas which I am satisfied with and in no need of closure. perhaps a conversation. looking upon him to see him alive and#well. healing some of that trauma of the last time I saw him. a reunion hug maybe even which has become tradition. CUT THE CAMERAS deadass#he’s going for the face touch. no this we cannot possibly have time for we have to play carry on wayward son twice#sorry. it has been three years. sorry. it’s just so funny buddy your ass did NOT escape the hamster wheel
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Sometimes I wish my “friends” or whatever who ghosted me would talk to me again just so I could bite their fucking heads off
#rant#Tw rant#vent#vent tw#in tags#like you fucking said you were going on a mental health break and that’s fine but after WEEKS of radio silence I check on you#and you’ve fucking BLOCKED me????#like what the fuck is wrong with you#this has happened multiple times and I think it’s justified that I’m fucking angry#they KNOW I have abandonment issues and they don’t even give me a notice they don’t tell me what I did wrong#I’m so fucking tired of this shit#I’ve tried to be supportive but all they ever do is fucking toss me to the side#I’m not sorry#I can’t even look at half of my sketchbook anymore because it’s stuff I made for them#I wouldn’t say that letting your friends know why you’re leaving them is a lot to ask#but hey maybe I’m the one in the wrong here#and I’m even angrier because I don’t hate them#I can’t really#but I’m so fucking mad#I don’t want any hug emojis I get that you’re trying to help but I’m really not in the fucking mood#I think I only have like two friends I can trust
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I hope life eases up soon man, take care of yourself
Thanks mate <3
stuff's starting to gradually get better now, actually let myself feel feelings after bottling them till it popped
just kinda turns out that throwing yourself into something so you're numb to the other things can really burn you out :') So I'm trying to find motivation to write and answer asks again, I'm hoping it'll be soon but idk atp
#vent in the tags - so warning ig#got home from uni#have been in fight/flight mode since#turns out that fucking saps your energy incredibly fast#accepting that my mother and I's relationship is broken beyond any repair is oddly helping though#she's proven that she doesn't see me as an individual well and truly now#so I can put the energy back into myself instead which is meh#processing that alongside my insanely fucked up grief hasn't been fun at all.#my emotions about it have been out of wack since she saw me crying and grieving a friend and assumed it was anger towards her#like I'm fucking grieving a friend I found out has recently died - do you think I'm not going to cry?#but no just assume its me being angry towards you and not me having feelings. Sure. *fine* I'll just kill my ability to feel for a bit#so I threw myself into the lu fandom again till burn out#and now I've been on off crying for a week#feeling fragile as shit#but Improving#somehow#I think#*maybe*#don't know what other personal event could happen now to be worse honestly#last 8 months have been a fucking rollercoaster#then when I manage to get back up#put myself back together#have a little breather#get immediatly broken back down#I just want a fucking hug man#and perhaps to be told that I'm worth something#I don't know#nothing really feels all that good to me anymore#but I'm holding on through it#there's light at the end of the tunnel
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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had one of my long time close friends over which was SO NICE AND LOVELY and also. i got kicked in the teeth by loneliness after he left. because i'd forgotten that i'm lonely.
it was easy, it was so fucking easy, i got so many hugs and so much casual touch and it was free and simple and unthinking and i just--haven't. gotten that. for over half a year and since spring 2022 if we're talking regular doses
so anyway i have to apply for things and it would be great if i could. focus on that. instead of. having crushing overwhelming feelings and crying about them.
but since that might not be doable i will set a timer and work and if i cry during it, well, sometimes things are hard and it's survivable
and i can always call the friend i cried to about this earlier today if it's too much. but let's work for 20 minutes first. okay?
okay.
#feelings sorting#ghost speaks#personal#i have lovely friends and i talk to them a lot and everyone in my life is fantastic#it's just. actually different having people in your house??#i've been--fine. i have been fine. i have a bunch of regularly scheduled social things. i volunteer. i love my parents#but. wow i don't have anyone aside from my parents to hug!#and i was miserable and lonely for a lot of 2022 but my job got so awful it ate up all those bad feelings#and most of 2023 was recovering from that job. and so if i felt lonely i didn't--notice#and now my life is better. and so this hits.#god
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Mad at a 3rd grader again. Not the usual one though
#my sister made her friends necklaces cuz she's switching schools and one of her friends was like “i dont want some stupid rock”#yeah fine. but that's your friend and when a friend makes you something you take it and thank them and give them a hug#also she's leaving this school and all of her friends. shes saying bye because she wont see you again at school?? like???#i will not call a 9 y/o a bitch. but that's rude. bad friend.#[insert cool original post tag]#something something my sisters are repeating my childhood before my eyes and it makes me feel sick because I'm scared they'll end up like me#at least my sister can get away from that bad friend.
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yk I felt really bad about this whole thing at first but looking back I think maybe I dodged a bullet
#its not about me being mean anynore its actually about me repeatedly expressing discomfort and him not listening to me#and then me having to deal with 500 'im so sorry if i made you uncomfortable! im just the worst 😔' text messages#and like. i know i always said not to worry about it#but that doesnt mean keep doing it#yk#cause like id see him in school and hed hug me and shit which i fucking hated#and hed be like oh youre the best your so understanding ive never met anyone like you etc etc etc#and then the whole#'omg did me hugging you make you uncomfortable?? im so sorry omg!!'#post posting#yeah. realizing this is actually the only way i couldve gone about this#qnd the worst part is one of my best friends told me that a lot of her friends dont like him etc etc#and obviously i asked why cause a lot of people dont like me and im not gonna judge people based on random ass rumors#and she wouldnt tell me until i was already in to deep#like if she had just told me from the beginning i wouldnt be in this mess 😭#its all good though#im p sure he hates me but im genuinely fine with that
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Teehee I got hugged today 🥰
#the klock keeps ticking#it was literally like 2 seconds but idk im like WOOOOO#like it wasnt long enough for me to be all satisfied touch wise nah im so starved itd take all night and day man#and also this particular person is uh. very special ahem. and it was like#i wrapped my arms around them best I could and i could just feel their hips and like their body squish under my hands#cuz theyre so squishy and sturdy at the same time it felt safe and its like. thats really scary actually#ive never ever felt safe hugging anyone this kinda thing is brand new to me#touch in general is new to me. at least consensual touch that i wanted and initiated#and i just felt really nervous cuz like i really love this person but sometimes its hard cuz like ‘guys’ dont hug each other often#or at least not in a case like this where we’re friends but theres this sorta avoidance around anything romantic#cuz we’re both very awkward and also uh. trying not to cross certain boundaries just yet we need time#but unfortunately im so aaaaa rn and touch starved and i was like im just gonna bite the bullet and ask if we can hug LIKE A DAMN GAY ASS#its like fuck i may as well propose marriage and get on all fours while im at it aaghhhhh why am i like this#but it was fine they werent weirded out or anything. not visibly anyway. and they hugged me!!!#me! of all people! im like so happy we got to hug but im also really pissed cuz it was really brief and i didnt get to memorize how they#felt and now im just like grrrrr. fucking tease why must i be so tortured i get the smallest taste and then poof its gone#i just wanna cuddle and hug them for hours and pull their hair and feel their body all over and uhhhhhhhhh#ahem. i may be getting too gay here huh. damn itttt. fuck me. how do you ask your mate if you can explore bodies#in a way that definitely isnt platonic without making things weird
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#if you see this post really really really no you do not please do not look here I just need somewhere to say this at all#just keep your own mental health state fine first before reading on about my shit; yeah? you’ve got your own life to worry about#maybe things to do or projects to plan or animals to take care of#you’ve got you to handle worry about me later#… I don’t even want to make the post anymore#this is pathetic#and useless#go hug a friend or touch some grass#go love somebody else#I’m so over existing#I’m so done with it all#I have no hopes#my dreams are nothing#all I want is a gentle off of this plane#I can’t think more than a year ahead because who knows where I’ll be#5 years will be a different yet same world#out out out out out out out out out our out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out
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Hm I want to say nice things about you today too >:0
You are genuinely so fun to talk to, I was a bit scared to interact with you at first and tbh I don’t actually know what broke the ice originally?? But like you’re so easygoing that I warmed up to you really fast which is kinda a feat of it own
I’m pretty sure I knew you from dailymumbo first and when you followed me I was like ‘weasel???? 👀’. Your arts so fun and expressive, you’ve got a really distinct style that I can recognize even if it’s for something I know nothing about. Your choice of color is So tasty and I want to eat the art you render fr. (your designs are also so adorable and fun too, still obsessed with conure grian)
and ye you turned me into a real mumbo appreciator too so thanks for that :)
you’ve also helped me come out of my shell a bit more too which is really cool okay I run away now
*me reading this with a growing smile and the gruesome sounds of markiplier playing callisto protocol in my ear* AJSHKDF
ROOOO IM GONNA *PUNCHING AND KICKING THE AIR IN FRONT OF YOU* THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUUUU i also dont remember what got us talking but i do remember seeing your art page reblogging some of my stuff and getting excited and then it took a while after that to discover your main actually liking it paha XD i have absolutely shit memory but i am really super grateful to have such an easy n fun time talkin with you :D and little tag messages are so fun w you akjdhsf ESPECIALLY SINCE I REALLY LOVE YOUR ART I WAS KINDA SCARED OF YOU TO BEGIN WITH I SAW YOU AS A REALLY COOL INTIMIDATING ARTIST ASDHJKF turns out we have a lot of interests in common meaning youre just as lame as me 😈😈😈😈 mwahahahah
i really love your use of dark and bold colors, it makes your style super unique i think and it's something i really struggle with XD so i use the .. lighter brighter colors X) and then your absolutely superb animals and dragons and things and all your designs youre literally so cool please akdhjsfhsfa BUT AGAIN THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES. ROO IM. *CONTINUES SHADOWBOXING IN FRONT OF YOU OUT OF DIFFICULTY TAKING COMPLIMENTS* RARARGHGHG
#SOCIALLY ANXIOUS BITCHES UNITE 🤝🤝🤝🤝🤝#irl i come off as incredibly cold i think#bc i? like dont make any moves to talk first usually?#and like if it's in class time to work i will become very focused and put headphones in yea. just like not approachable at all#but by nature i cannot stop myself from cracking jokes sometimes and thats what usually gets people to like. approach me.?#and im glad that at least online i dont come off as cold is what im trying to get at X)? i think?#so im grateful for anyone and everyone i get to talk to online but im even more excited to have helped you get out of your shell too :D#MAN. BIG SAPPY HOURS#i used to do this thing before covid in highschool id go to shake peoples hands#or like friends right so it's fine it's all for a joke anyway#but then instead of shaking their hand i'd smack it really hard and hold on tight and reel them in quick to a one arm hug#and then if i knew them better id smack them on the back adskhf SO THATS WHAT IM DOING TO YOU RN#IM GOING FOR A HANDSHAKE REEL IN BACK SMACK HAHAHA#no i dont know how to hug 😇#weasel speaks#asks!
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every single fictional character i like should split and have mood swings like me. "ohhhhh but it's not canotical" "ohh they have good control over their emotions and stable views on the world" i don't fucking care. i see cq in his fake desert i see klavier's control dialogue i see dahlia and her serial murders and komaeda and the gun literally fuck with me right now. we need to stop being cowards about our fictional character headcanons i think everyone should kill people always because i can't
#neg#omg am i having an episode right now is this episode coded is that what we're doing oh my God should we tell all your friends#should we call the president oh my God mare is having an episode right now guys don't freak but it's finally happening aaaahhh#we've been waiting forever but our queen's finally back she's having an episode oh my God we stan like crazy oh my God i'm calling everyone#can we have a cake at the episode tell me we're having cake at the episode i'm buying a cake it's official girls oh my God AAAH#she's so crazy LOVEEE her. oh my God!!!#anyway i think my blond bitch rockstar fave should get to kill the titular character!#sorry i hate the fucking name censoring in tags i'm trying to ween off of it cause it's like not accessible tee bee aych#but like i need to speak my truth so we're doing epithets#he should literally get to kill him and rip his carpet up WHY DOES NOBODY TALK ABT IT#they all make him cry or whatever this isn't the right blog for this but i've got images okay#enough crying enough consolation hugging where's my apology only for it to not be accepted and things to be fucking over#where's MY catharsis you know. this barbie needs catharsis!#i'm super light headed i should super stop posting but like who am i going to text in these conditions#the answer is nobody nobody wants to text my phone like they can blow it up it's fine w/e#i'd make instagram stories but it'll be like a whole thing and they'll report me again for mental illness#i'm going to stop apologizing for having breakdowns publicly actually. if you were like this you would too.#actually maybe you wouldn't because you'd be soooo well adjusted well i'm a weak bitch like actually#and my bones are fucking breaking right now so i'm gonna tell everyone about it <3#i licherally don't want to damage public property now and by that i mean my room LMAOOOO#this is nawt public property but the paints so nice
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Since no-one is rescuing me I had to do all the work myself.
#self healing#self nurturing#joking someone actually took the time to tell me everything will be fine and thry want to be my friend#so even after all the work and healing i still needed someone to hug me#hug your loved ones#hug your friends#they need it#hug your strangers
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Have you ever been assumed to be romantically attracted to someone and even just the thought of that makes you want to throw up . Anybody
#had someone's husband in my dms going on about how i want this bitch romantically and frankly if i hadn't been so busy crying i would've#actually thrown up . absolutely disgusting idea . vile even . horrid concept#anyway tldr im down a best friend because he didn't tell me anything i was doing was wrong after telling me that everything was okay and#then sent his husband after me to call me a creep that was obsessed with him that also apparently tried to make out w him#the same trip that my best friend of five years told me he hated having me in his hometown to see him graduate.#this was after i found out my cat had been murdered and mutilated and thrown in my granma's garden . that day happened to be my birthday#because my ma was kind enough to drive me and my lil brother down there to go see him graduate bc he was also supposed to move in w us the#month after . and he told me right after i got home that he 'didn't think it would be good for our relationship' and apparently#just didn't know how to tell me until a month before it was supposed to happen . bonkers times over here#anyway i didn't want to make out with him . he cried after i wouldn't have sex w him just last december . which i specifically got high as#shit to avoid . and i dont even have like. actual examples of what i was doing wrong to go off of so now i just get to live in mystery#forever ig. like shocker that the person that's been my best friend for five years would tell his husband to say that to me and not say that#shit to me himself . this is a wild to me . i feel like im going insane . can anybody even hear me what's going on#you know its bad when your mama gets so sick of you crying over a friend that she hugs you for the first time in years#also i cant sleep my head hurts . crying is evil . devils liquid . might watch rpdr or something . still nauseous over the idea of being#into him romantically btw . like still nauseous over that . like what a fucking insult to our entire friendship#does saying that we may as well have been made of the same atoms mean like . nothing . does nothing ive said to or about him not mean anythi#ng if its not romantic in nature . what did i do that wasnt enough for him. i fucking told him he outgrew me and that was fine i just#wanted to know if we were still friends or not and he said we were and i believed him. if he told me the sky was green i would make it so#ripping my hair out . am i being dramatic . am i the only person that wasn't expecting this . am i the only one that didn't know#when i had to tell people who knew about the moving plans that he changed his mind the first fucking thing i was told was “i thought it migh#t happen.“ WELL I FUCKINH DIDN'T . AND NOBODY TOLD ME#this is like . the second most humiliating moment of my life . aside from movinggate because at least nobody irl has to know about this#anyway . this boy could've taken my blood and i'd sit there and smile while he did it because he was my best friend .#i was so glad we got to grow up together. i miss him already. im taking my little brother to school my myself for the first time and all im#gonna wanna do is tell him about it . im tired . i want to sleep . im still so nauseous . did none of it mean anything just because ive#never and will never like him romantically. does that make everything less worthy somehow#i hope he never talks to me again. i dont think i could handle this again. he let is fucking husband say that shit to me. not him.#puppmeo misery
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…I want to see you so badly I could cry. (I don’t expect to. I know I won’t. But.)
#tiger’s roar#…it’s fine. this is fine.#it’s only ‘cause For Once I’ll be around but. doesn’t mean you are. or that there’s time#…just. for once? could…serendipity just. exist for me? in my favor#god I could use a hug#I haven’t seen or heard you for several months#and the draw still doesn’t make sense to me.#if it didn’t seem damn obvious you didn’t apparently feel it to it…would be easier#…but. yeah. at least you acknowledge that. yeah. I do deserve more than I’ve got#but. if this is the only norm you can do with your closest friends (which I’m not) then. I’ll accept it#just. please? make the most of the time that can be given. nothing grand just. assure me you’re sincere#which. yeah. grateful that you have done. not your fault that I’ve got some pretty deep wounds we’re tripping in#any more than your perfectionism is mine#…it’ll work out but. yeah. I just. I want that connection when it’s possible to have it#since textual ones just. do not work for you at all with anyone#just. I need more potholes filled.
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