#and i was miserable and lonely for a lot of 2022 but my job got so awful it ate up all those bad feelings

[ghostofasecretary]

had one of my long time close friends over which was SO NICE AND LOVELY and also. i got kicked in the teeth by loneliness after he left. because i'd forgotten that i'm lonely.

it was easy, it was so fucking easy, i got so many hugs and so much casual touch and it was free and simple and unthinking and i just--haven't. gotten that. for over half a year and since spring 2022 if we're talking regular doses

so anyway i have to apply for things and it would be great if i could. focus on that. instead of. having crushing overwhelming feelings and crying about them.

but since that might not be doable i will set a timer and work and if i cry during it, well, sometimes things are hard and it's survivable

and i can always call the friend i cried to about this earlier today if it's too much. but let's work for 20 minutes first. okay?

okay.

[pixelnrd]

hello! ive binged your blog this past week and have been so invested and impressed with how professionally everything has been done. I particularly liked the snippets of your 'process' you've hinted at in other asks. I havent been around since the beginning so i wanted to ask what inspired you to undertake such a large project! or, rather, did you expect it to be as big as it became? each generation has 70+ daily posts, their portrait headshots, family portraits... i love it! were you trying to build an audience when you started out? was it a covid project that you had time to build a huge queue for? i think ill be starting my own narrative simblr here soon and i'd love to hear your thoughts or advice about your journey with it, if any.

Hello and thank you for such a lovely message, it's so nice to receive feedback on the quality of my Decades Challenge because I do put so much effort in behind the scenes thanks to my agonising perfectionism!

As a project it has grown beyond what I thought it would be, to a point that I had to reign it back in in early-2022 because I couldn't keep up. I'll put more detail under the cut ✨

The Langstons started as a covid project in 2020. I was an unemployed student with a lot of time on my hands. I'd done legacies before and was pretty good at getting close to the end so that was the 'project', to do the Decades Challenge. And while looking for inspiration like cc and builds etc I found simblr and discovered people were posting their Decades Challenges here with narrative attached. By this stage I'd already played a fair bit into my Langston family (they had 4 kids by that point) so I decided to start posting my sims as well, which pushed me to put a bit more effort in with shots, story, editing etc because I had imposter syndrome. I didn't intend for there to be much narrative or story, and I think that's pretty obvious when reviewing the 1890s Langstons, but it started to grow as I was posting because I wanted to give my sim characters justifications for their life paths I was sending them on... and it all kind of took off from there, as a Decades Challenge story.

Covid over 2020 and 2021 in my country forced us into hard lockdowns, and over those 2 years I had heaps of spare time for home-based hobbies - so I just kept pushing myself to keep going with my Decades Challenge for something to do. I got really into creating storylines and costuming and wanting to do the project 'justice' because of how much effort was going in and how many generations I needed to cover to finish it. Then I stared doing lookbooks, creating portraits and character pages, and then making cc (which was a fun side project).

I wanted to build an audience at the start because I wanted to gauge whether anyone was as interested in my sims as I was in others', and when I stared getting feedback and responses to my posts it was very validating and flattering, so that spurred me to keep up. I never dreamed it would get the audience it has now! It's nice being told that something you are making is good. IRL at the time, I was pretty miserable - I graduated my Masters without a job, I was trying to conceive and failing, I was lonely due to covid and lost some of the best years of my 20s - but simblr made me happy and was a distraction from those hard things and so I really poured effort into the thing that brought me happiness.

2022 and 2023 forced me to pull back from my Decades Challenge project due to pregnancy and becomming a parent. It felt very natural to drop it at the time, but since finding my groove with parenting and my new life I still want to finish this project because it's been nearly 4(!) years of effort and I'd hate to leave it so close to the end. So that's why I'm still here - in a reduced capacity to what I was in 2020 and 2021 at my peak - trying to get it done. I don't post lookbooks or do cc anymore, because I just don't have the time anymore. But everyone is so encouraging, I have made some nice friends here and I'm constantly in awe of and inspired by the sims, content and stories others are creating. There is so much more potential for historical gameplay in the years since I started my Decades Challenge - farming! horses! infants! - and I hope that my project has inspired others to have a go! That's the best legacy I could hope to leave...

[stitched-mouth]

I doubt anyone care about where I was when I started and finished The Umbrella Academy but it matters to me which is why I’m posting this.

My Love Letter To TUA & 14 Year Old Me

On 30th July 2020, I watched the first season of TUA. I saw promotions for the second season and was bored so started it. I was 14 years old and it was the summer holidays so I was out of school, sitting with my Mum trying to find something to watch. We were both immediately hooked. Like, hooked hooked. We finished the whole season in a day and the second season the following day. We watched in the living room which was rubbed down and full of my Mum’s belongings after some hard to explain family issues. But we wasn’t living comfortably and I had just started having suicidal thought.

Umbrella Academy became one of the few things at the time to shake me out of a suicidal meltdown I’d have in my bedroom alone. It had immediately became my favourite series and Right Back Where We Started From become by far my second favourite song. They were powerful things that frequently saved me mentally. I had never felt as close to anything else before.

I also got to meet Robert Sheenan in May 2022 at MCM, our conversation was extremely brief but I think he understood how much the show meant to me and a lot of the other people there. And guess what? My soulmate was in line behind me, we didn’t notice each other and properly meet until nearly 2 years later in the same place.

On 22nd June 2022, I started the 3rd season. I was 16 years old, it was once again the summer holidays but I had work. I was 4 hours late to work that day because I decided to start the new season. I watched 2 and half episodes and finished it while on holiday at Centre Parcs with my Dad (last time I saw him) that following weekend.

I had just gotten out of hospital a week before it came out after trying to end my life. Even though I was immediately back to work, I was heavily supervised to prevent me trying to end my life again.

On 9th August 2024, I started the 4th season. I was late to it because I was out the day before with my two partners. I’m 18 years old now and have left home, don’t see much of my parents or sister, live with my two partners and am in my first throuple. I’m also happy for the first time in years. I have my own space to myself now, have grown and mature a lot since 2022. I’ve been homeless, job less and heartbroken since then. In the last few months, it all changed for me. I found people who actually love me and I haven’t had a suicidal thought in almost 1 year now. I finished the final season with my two lovers who also love TUA.

Even if I didn’t love this season as much as the first, it will always remain deep in my heart. I still feel so close to this show, like it’s a friend or something or even a love. I didn’t have anyone else back in 2020 so the feeling was foreign and exciting, fortunately I feel that for real people also now.

I have finally found myself and become happy. It makes me look at 14 year old me, the one who was miserable and constantly made mistakes, and I love her. And I sympathise with her. I think about how lonely she must of been, to rely so much on a TV show to make her not want to kill herself. I wish she had my friends and family but at least she had TUA. Possibly my broken timeline was how much I used to to feel like I needed to be someone smarter, like Five.

Right after my 18th birthday, I got a tattoo to represent my love and gratitude for the show.

I love you TUA, thanks for everything

[niallandtommo]

end of 2022 post

this year was an emotional rollercoaster but overall i would say it was a good year (especially compared to 2020 and 2021) and i wanna focus on the good things and be grateful for the all the amazing things that i got to do this year. 

i spent a lot of time with my family which is the most important thing to me. my family is absolutely amazing and even though i feel lonely and unlovable all the damn time i know these people love me and that is something that keeps me going every day. their love and support means everything to me. i wouldn’t have made it to the end of the year without them. they give me so much strength and support me in every way. i don’t know what i did to deserve such an amazing family but i’m so fucking grateful. at the end of the day i will always have my family and that is more important than anything else. i love them so so much. 

i went to 3 countries this year and every trip was amazing. i went to amsterdam (without you hehe i had to), greece and portugal. i cried a little when i was flying to the netherlands because i was so happy to be back on an airplane. i missed that feeling so much. i love travelling (a very expensive hobby unfortunately lol) and i’m so glad that i got to see a new city and two places that i love very much (it was my second time in portugal and my 5th time in greece).  

i went to 6 concerts this year which is crazy because at the beginning of 2022 i wasn’t sure if i could ever go to a concert again. my covid anxiety was very bad and i just couldn’t imagine feeling comfortable at a concert (i did get covid after my second louis show in amsterdam lol). i saw louis (twice), harry, 5sos, sunrise avenue and mark forster. it felt so good to go to these shows and i enjoyed every second. 

i’ve had lots of amazing small moments. weekend trips, wonderful afternoons, dinner dates with friends and family, lots of time outside. i can’t name every single one but i really tried to push myself to do more stuff this year. especially in summer. even if it was just a long walk or dancing like an idiot in my apartment. it really helped to do one small thing every day to improve my mental health. and i pushed myself to do something even on the really bad days. and i am proud of myself. 

i spent a lot of time with one of my best friends. we’ve been friends for over 14 years now and we have always been close but this year brought us even closer together. she is that one friend that i can always count on. she knows more about me than any other friend and she is definitely the most supportive friend that i have. we see each other at least once a week and we really tried to spend as much time as possible together this year. my trip to crete with her was so so amazing and i think about it all the time. it was one of my favorite trips ever. i love this girl so much. she means the world to me. 

i finally FINALLY quit my job. this was definitely the hardest part of 2022. my job made me fucking miserable. i hated every second that i had to spend there. and now i’m finally free. i found a new job and i am very nervous about it but hopefully it’s gonna be better than my last. i love that i can leave this job in 2022 and i never have to look back. 

i found out that i really really love reading books. i always loved reading (i’ve been reading fanfics for years) but reading books and spending hours in the bookstore feels different. i love that i can just put my phone away and turn off the tv and just get lost in a book. i have read 80 books this year and i think that is amazing. especially because i spend way too much time on my phone and this is a great way to unplug. 

last but not least i am very grateful for all the people on here that supported me this year. your replies and messages (anon or not) mean the world to me. i know i overshare a lot on here and this blog is basically my diary and i don’t expect anyone to read any of my posts but i’m so grateful that so many people on here constantly send me so much love. i love you all very much. 

idk if anyone made it this far but if anyone is still reading, happy new year! i wish you all the best for the next year. i hope 2023 will be a good year. i’m sending you all lots of love <333

[katronautt]

KAT'S YEAR REVIEW & A THANK YOU NOTE

hello my lovelies! we reached the end of this year (thank god) and i have a few things to say and a lot to thank for you guys.

(i promise that the rest of my writing is not in this font lol)

this year sucked. bigtime. everyone was all over 2020, how bad it was and all but lemme tell you, 2021 wasn't that much better either. first half of this year was spent with struggling trying to find a job while spiraling down into the rabbit hole of self-pity and depression. finally in may (after 8 months of searching), i got accepted to a place that wasn't (and isn't) any better than what I had left behind in 2020. still, it is somewhat better and i least i have a monthly income for now.

but i still very much like to move on to something else in 2022 so here is the first thing im hoping for next year: a good job with a good salary, something i enjoy doing. (huh good luck you dumb biatch lol)

so all in all, i hated this year but!! there are a few things that made is somewhat bareable and it is all thanks to you guys! (here comes the soppy part so buckle up)

i (re)discovered the world of fanfiction throughout the pedro fandom sometime in november, 2020. i have all that time in my hands since i didnt have a job and i got really into it. ever since then, i find it hard at nights to go to sleep without reading anything before it (kinda became a tradition of mine if you will) and during the winter, reading fanfics helped me tremendously. they helped me escape from my miserable, jobless, futureless and lonely af life and they helped me get through the day. they brought me joy, sometimes tears in a good way and i caught myself staying up til 2 or 3 just to read "one more" chapter of a certain fic.

i still cant believe you guys are doing this for free, for our entertainment (and yours) ! sharing your wonderful works with us and expecting nothing in return (except for the obviously well deserved likes & reblogs) is truly a wonder i never be able to comprehend!

tumblr is truly a hellsite, it gave me so much anxiety since i joined back in actively yet... tumblr is also that thing that gave me the most joy this year with y'all in it.

and now for the thank you notes:

⭐ yes of course im starting with my dearest, my love, my one braincell, @queenofthefaceless. ari, you were one of the first 'big' blogs that started following me after i started making gifs again and i was all over and back and that support still holds up til today. thank you for your neverending support and for always being there for me, no matter what. ilysm. 💜

⭐ although we dont speak much lately, @keethus-arts I ll never forget your support and nice words whenever i was feeling down. thank you keeth! 💜

⭐ when @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa started following me, i was just about to go to bed around 2 am, but when i saw the notification i got so excited that i couldnt sleep for another half an hour and then the next morning i checked in there again to see if i wasnt dreaming. for a while i was intimidated by Katryn for some stupid reason (you know big blog with amazing and popular fics and all) but honestly she's the absolute sweetest and I'm so glad I got to meet you! You have such amazing & wonderful stories! i also wanna thank you for your infinite support towards my maxie gifs and towards my other works too💜

⭐ the same happened with @qveenbvtch, i was (and am) so in love with her javi series, i never thought that such a big and amazing (and intimidating) writer would ever talk to me, let alone follow me but she is also one of the sweetest person i've ever met here and i hope she is doing alright and having a nice holidays wherever she is right now 💜

⭐ @mandocrasis birdie, you know this by now but i found you and your blog through your mind blowing fic interruption which is probably something i will never shut up about, but through that smutty one piece i got to meet a wonderful person with wonderful stories & i thank you for your never fading support towards me and my gifs 💜

⭐ @asta-lily lil beans, although you are not that active anymore on tumblr (which i hope will change one day), you were one of the first people i became mutuals with and i was lucky enough too meet the sweetest, loveliest person in you. and your AOJ story forever remains dear to my heart 💜

⭐ sweet, sweet @anaaaispunk ! the first thing i read from you was the first chapter of your crazy in love series (during my summer holiday, on a beach, with people all around me... ) i was instantly blown away and sweating (and not just from the hot wheater 🤭), I just knew I had to follow you for more haha. but this way I got to meet another sweet soul of tumblr with an amazing writing talent. thank you for all the love and support you have shown towards me and my gifs 💜

⭐ MEG! i feel like i am so lucky for finding your soft max lord series, it seriously changed my life, i fell in love with the story, with max, the whole thing.. and when you dedicated your latest chapter to me with that sweet note, i felt like i could cry, because honestly, one of the best thing that happened to me lately haha. you are an absolute angel and dont you forget that @perropascal !! 💜

⭐ and i also wanna mention and say thanks to @babydarkstar! Your ezra story had blown me the fuck away, seriously, its amazing, wonderful and beautiful.. just like you anya, thank you for support and your amazingness! 💜

Alrighty, i talk way too fucking much so im just gonna tag the rest of y'all to whom i say a massive thanks because without your amazing fics i dont think i would have survived this year ( i know with some of you we are not mutuals but that doesnt stop me from loving your works):

@absurdthirst, @toomanystoriessolittletime, @storiesofthefandomlovers, @honestly-shite, @littlemisspascal, @radiowallet, @queridopascal, @just-here-for-the-moment, @softpedropascal , @javier-pena, @f0rever15elf, @danidrabbles, @lellowberry, @pedro-pascal-love, @foli-vora, @krissology @frannyzooey, @starlightmornings, @wordsnwhiskey, @juletheghoul, @dincrypt, @mandosmistress, @yespolkadotkitty, @songsformonkeys, @the-ginger-hedge-witch, @astroboots, @brandyllyn, @charnelhouse , @ezrasbirdie , @novemberrain221, @oonajaeadira

And to every other lovely mutuals I am lucky enough to have: without your support I'd be nowhere. Love y'all tremendously 💋❤️❤️

@beskarboobs, @300mirrors, @over300books, @artsymaddie, @phantomviola, @djarsdin, @sirtadcooper , @lucrezia-thoughts, @wild-at-heart-kept-in-cage

Here's to another shitty AMAZING year with you guys on this hellsite!! 🥂🎉❤️❤️❤️❤️