#it's fake dating but is it really fake?

[something-tofightfor]

A Wonderful, Awful Idea / 2

Pairing: Pero Tovar x Female Reader (Modern AU)

Word Count: 9,299

Summary: The first event's over, and Pero still wants to spend time with you - that's good, right?

Surprisingly, it's him that takes initiative to tell you a little more about himself - and what he wants.

But during the second event, it's you that can't keep your mouth shut, even though you know it's probably best to do so.

Rating: M: language.

Author's Note:

My last writing post of 2024, and it's Pero Tovar. I never would have guessed this would be the case even a few weeks ago.

Thank you so much for your interest in the first part, and in this story in general. I've loved seeing your comments and reading your responses to it. It's been a lot of fun to write, and I've desperately needed the distraction, so it's helped.

Part 3 is well underway, so look for it early in the new year.

The title comes from Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Thank you for reading!

*dividers by @/strangergraphics

Part 1

The four of you chose a diner a few minutes from the venue, and that time, Lin slid onto the bench next to her husband, forcing you and Pero to sit beside each other. 

You knew exactly what she was doing, and while part of you appreciated her pushing the two of you to remain close, you were also worried that it was too much, too fast for Pero. We’ll see. 

After you’d placed your orders, the conversation turned back to the event you’d just left, and the men’s impressions of the client - including that she’d taken a liking to Pero. You stayed quiet for that, listening to the two of them talk, and you had to admit that the way they approached discussing work impressed you. 

They were clinical in their assessment of her and her team, and you weren’t surprised to hear that they were pleased with the lengths she’d gone to to ensure her safety. “She had a stalker last year,” William informed you as he took a bite of one of the appetizers that had been delivered. “Her team upped protection then. They caught him, but who knows if there’s anyone else just waiting.” 

“I wouldn’t know how to deal with that.” You reached for your water cup, taking a drink before you continued. “Especially if I had to do as much as she does around strangers? Yuck.” 

“You wouldn’t have to look far for protection, though.” Lin winked at you, gesturing at Pero and William. “Two built in bodyguards right here at this table.” 

“I couldn’t afford these two.” You laughed, looking over at Pero and catching his eye. “Hell, I probably couldn’t even swing the budget for one of them, so -”

“You think we would charge you?” Pero narrowed his eyes and shook his head. “No. Never.” You watched as his expression changed - eyes darkening, the set of his lips turning into a smirk. “That would be a job I took because I wanted to.” 

That stunned you; you’d gone from him speaking ten words to you over the course of your association to him offering to protect you if necessary - for nothing. He wasn’t lying when he said he was interested. But him saying this in front Lin and William is … “Luckily for all of us, I’m never going to be in that position. But it’s good to know I’ve got somewhere to turn.” 

“You could pay Tovar in food.” William took a large bite and then gestured at his friend with two fingers. “For just about anything, honestly.” 

“It is true.” Pero grinned, nodding his head. “We do not tell clients this, but…” He looked over at you, raising an eyebrow. “I would not turn it down.” 

You’d never seen him smile so broadly before, and the sight of it left you speechless. I want to see that more. It made him look younger; the smile showing off fully rounded cheeks and a deep dimple that you hadn’t known existed. But now I do. Now I’m going to dream about it. 

“Alright, I’ve got a triple jalapeño burger and seasoned fries for…” The moment was interrupted when your waitress came back, but you were almost thankful. You’d been staring at the man next to you, and even though you were certain Lin had filled William in on the situation between you and Pero, you didn’t want to make things awkward - for anyone.

As dishes were handed out, you focused on your food, taking a few deep breaths to steady yourself. It’s fine. It’s going to be fine. But a few seconds later, when Pero reached over and laid a hand on your knee, cautiously squeezing it, you weren’t so certain that that was the truth. 

As the four of you headed to the front counter to pay after the meal, you were wondering if you should ask to get a ride home from the Garins, since they had to drive past your house to get to theirs. It makes sense. “Would -”

“Oh, look. Mistletoe!” Lin pointed up, and the rest of you followed the motion, raising your gaze to the sprig of faux greenery hanging just above the cashier’s counter. Shit. “C’mere, William.” She giggled as she grabbed the lapels of his coat, tugging him closer for a brief kiss. You looked away and met Pero’s eyes, not surprised to see actual fear in them, but before you could say anything, Lin spoke again. “Your turn! It’s tradition.” 

“No.” Pero shook his head, stepping back. “I will not be following this tradition.” It hurt more than it should have, and you tried to keep the fact that his words hit you hard from showing by biting the inside of your cheek. You stepped back, too, looking away from Pero and at the front windows of the diner - but not before you saw him wince. 

“We’ll wait outside.” Lin stepped between the two of you, linking her arm through yours. “Come with me.” 

“I have to pay, I -” 

“No, you don’t.” She gestured to the two men. “One of them will get it.” William waved you off and you let her pull you through the glass doors and onto the sidewalk in front of the restaurant. Once the door shut behind her, she unwound her arm and then hugged you tightly. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think he’d react like that, it was just a joke.” 

“It’s fine.” You mumbled the words, blinking back tears. “Things were going well, but I didn’t think … I didn’t expect him to want to kiss me, but him just saying no like that was a surprise.” It hadn’t even been the denial itself; it was Pero’s tone along with the look in his eyes that upset you the most. “It’ll be fine. We’ve only got two events left, and the next one will be so loud we won’t have to talk, I’ll just…” 

“Do you want us to take you home?” She backed away, giving you a sympathetic smile. “It’s on the way, and I feel like this is my fault, so -”

“Yes. Please. That would be a relief. And I’m sure he wants to go home right away.” You’d been looking forward to a few more minutes with Pero, and an opportunity to thank him for the night. But that’s changed now. “Lin, I -” 

The door opened then, William coming out first with a cheerful expression on his face and Pero behind him, the scowl back in place. Fuck. “Ready to go home, Lin Mae?” 

“We’re going to take -”

“I will take her home.” You looked back at Pero, watching as he steadied himself with a deep breath, his full attention on you. “Unless you do not want me to.” The fear in his eyes was gone, replaced with a weariness that you almost liked less. Oh, Pero. 

“You can take me home, Pero.” Pausing, you nodded. “Please.” 

The four of you separated in the parking lot, Lin hugging you and whispering that you needed to call her when you got a chance before she got into their car. 

It was silent between you and Pero while he busied himself with getting the heat and defroster going, but it wasn’t as uncomfortable a silence as you thought it would be. Say something. Speak up. “Is that how most of your jobs go?” You held your hands out, enjoying the way the warm air felt on your skin. “Where you leave as soon as it’s over? Or -”

“No.” He didn’t look at you when he spoke, concentrating on the rearview mirror as he backed up. “Usually we are the only security. This is a very different assignment than usual.” You looked over, watching as the light from another car’s headlights passed over his face. “This time, we will only step in if it is necessary.” He glanced over at you. “I hope it is not.” 

He didn’t say anything after that, and so you fell into silence too, staring out the window and at the decorated houses as you passed them. You wondered how the night would have ended without the mistletoe incident - if you and Pero would have hugged goodbye over the center console, or if he would have offered to walk you to the door. He held my hand multiple times tonight, so I don’t see why not. 

When he parked in your driveway, he didn’t turn the car off, but he did put both hands back onto the wheel, his fingers curled around it tightly. I guess that answers part of my question. “Thank you, Pero, for -”

“I did not want to kiss you under the mistletoe.” He stared straight ahead as he spoke, hands in place. “But that does not mean that … I do not want to kiss you.” Wait, what? Your mouth opened, but you didn’t speak. Instead you just stared at him in disbelief. “Please understand.” He turned his head toward you, Pero wetting his lips before he continued. “That should not be the first … it is not how I imagined kissing you for the first time, in front of Lin and William and the entire fucking diner staff in a room that smelled like old coffee and burned toast.”

That finally broke you out of your stupor, and you laughed, reaching up with both hands to cover your eyes. “Oh, Pero.” You kept laughing, the upset you’d felt since he’d said no disappearing and replaced with something that felt strangely like hope. He’s thought about kissing me. He wants to. “I do understand. I just thought …” Dropping your hands back onto your thighs, you exhaled. “I thought you didn’t want to at all.” 

“Of course I do.” He reached over, putting his hand on top of yours. “Even more now than yesterday.” Pero said your name, the sound of it barely loud enough for you to hear. “I am fucking this up. I -”

“You’re not.” You flipped your hand over, taking his. “Not at all. Fucking this up would have been not talking about it or lying to me about it. You just … it was a misunderstanding.” Tell him. Tell him the truth. “I want you to kiss me, Pero. That’s why I reacted the way I did. I’d rather it didn’t happen for the first time in public, too, but to tell you the truth, I wouldn’t have been mad if you’d done it in the diner.”

“I am not romantic. I’m not like William. I don’t … I don’t know how to be like him, saying sweet things or being nice to people all the time, or picking the right moment to -”

“Don’t do that.” Shaking your head, you lifted your joined hands, gesturing to them with your free one. “This is a good start. Earlier, when we were sitting and you casually touched me? That’s good, too. I’d tell you if it wasn’t, or if I didn’t like something you were doing.” You sighed. “It takes time to learn about someone, you’re not just going to know everything after one date.” 

“That is a good point.” He was still holding your hand, but he’d pulled them over to his side of the car, letting them rest against his thigh. “Maybe I should take your advice more.” 

“You should.” You squeezed his hand. “Definitely.” Under other circumstances, you would have invited him in, asking if he wanted to have a drink or sit and talk. But tonight’s been a lot already. “So the concert next week?” He agreed, humming as he nodded. “Are we just watching again?”

“We will be at the meet and greet.” He sighed. “And then during the show, we’re going to be in the crowd. So will Lin and William.” You groaned, head dropping. “Why is that your reaction?”

“I’m a fan of her acting. But the music is … not my thing.” Wrinkling your nose, you rolled your eyes as he smiled. “I’ll suck it up, though. It’s just one show.” 

“And you’ll be with me.” I sure will. Pero cleared his throat. “We have an assignment out of town for two days, so if you don’t hear from me until right before the concert, that is why.” You nodded, even as you felt disappointment growing in your chest. “Let me walk you to your door.” 

It meant the night was ending, but you figured it was for the best. You could only handle so much in one night, and figured Pero felt the same. “Sure, but it’s still cold out. You don’t have to.” 

“I want to.” He let go of your hand and turned the car off before he unbuckled his seatbelt. Pero followed you the short distance up your driveway, and you were surprised - and relieved - to feel his hand against your back the entire way.  When you reached for your keys, he stopped you, his hand moving from your back to your elbow. “Wait.” 

You turned your head to look at him, and watched as Pero shifted nervously from foot to foot. There’s something else. He’s too... “Pero, if this is out of line, please tell me, but …” You closed your eyes and tipped your head back, releasing your breath. “When’s the last time you dated someone? Like … gotten to know them, or… have you ever dated anyone before? ”

“I have gone on dates, yes.” He frowned, his head shaking back and forth. “But dating? Long term? Never. Not really. It is easier for me to know people for a short time, and …” He shrugged. “Setting expectations is important.” 

After the misunderstanding you’d had earlier, it was a risk to continue the conversation, but you knew that you only had one shot - and didn’t want to waste it. “Are … would you like to keep this short term? Are we going to hang out these three times and then just … go back to how it was? Or…” Crossing your arms protectively over your belly, you looked down and then back up at him through your lashes. “I assume when you say a short time you mean just for sex, and that’s alright, but I don’t … that isn’t all I’d want with you.” You paused, thinking. “Or at least right now, after one date, that isn’t…” 

You trailed off when he moved closer, his hands going to your arms and resting against your biceps. “It has already been hard enough for me to keep you at a distance since we first met. Why would I make things easy now?” That made you laugh, and before you realized what you were doing, you’d leaned in and wound your arms around Pero’s body, turning your head to press your cheek against him. Oh, shit. I shouldn’t have done that. 

It took a few seconds for him to respond, but Pero eventually put his arms around you, too, his touch comforting. You liked the way it felt to be held by him, and closed your eyes as you inhaled deeply, letting the scent of him fill you - cologne and clean sweat and the winter air, along with a lingering hint of the diner’s interior. 

He was breathing steadily, too, and for a few seconds, you focused on the way his chest rose and fell, one of Pero’s hands moving up and down your back, his skin whispering off of the thick material of your coat. 

It would have been the perfect moment to pull back slightly and tilt your head to kiss him, and if you hadn’t just had a conversation about it, you would have done it. He said he wants to kiss me. He knows I want to kiss him. It needs to be him that chooses. The last thing you wanted to do was spook Pero, and so you pulled away with some reluctance, a smile on your face when you met his eyes again.

Deciding to press your luck, you raised one hand and cupped his cheek with your palm. “Thank you for a good night, Pero Tovar.” He nodded, his eyes widening and his lips parting at your touch. “Please be safe while you’re out of town. You can call or text if you want, or -” 

You watched as his lower lip trembled, the look in his eyes going from surprised to steely as he stared at you. What’s that look for? “Fuck it.” 

He kissed you then, lips settling against yours and then pressing, his forward motion catching you by surprise. You didn’t pull back, though, instead keeping your hand in place on his cheek and using the other to pull him closer, fingers twisting into his coat. Your heartbeat raced, but before you could truly begin to enjoy the kiss, he broke it, sucking in a quiet breath as he pressed his forehead to yours. “Pero.”

“If you say my name like that again, I will have to kiss you again. And if I kiss you again, it would be hard to stop.”

“I’d be alright with that.” You huffed out a laugh, keeping your eyes closed. “I’m glad you did that. I’m glad you -”

“May I do it again?” You nodded instead of speaking, happy that he was going against his better judgement and letting his emotion win out. The second kiss was slower than the first - and gentler, too, Pero taking the time to slot his lips against yours, catching your lower one between them. Your hand slid back, moving from his skin and into his hair, the strands soft between your fingers.  

You couldn’t believe it was happening - that Pero was kissing you on your front porch, that his hands had moved from your arms to your hips, that he was letting you pull on his curls with one hand in the same moment that his lips parted enough that he could flick his tongue out between them and against yours. 

“Enough.” He backed away, though you felt his mouth move as he spoke. “Enough for tonight.” You understood the significance of him saying that - especially so soon after he’d admitted that typically his nights out with women ended in sex. “Go inside where it is warm.” He put more space between you, but didn’t let you go, and you left your hands where they were, too. “You’re welcome, but it should be me thanking you for tonight.” 

“We should do it again sometime.” You winked, heart still slamming against your ribs. “That sound good?”

“It does.” His smile widened, and Pero’s eyes dropped down to your lips again briefly. “And we should.” He removed his hands and stuck them in his pockets, taking another small step backward. “I will call you soon.” 

Agreeing, you turned away from him and reached for your keys again, pulling them from your bag and unlocking the door. He was still there when you stepped through it and turned around to say goodbye, and the sight of that was almost enough to push you back out the door and into his arms. No. It might freak him out. 

“Goodnight, Pero.” You bit your lip, one hand gripping the door frame.  “Drive safe.” 

You felt like you were a teenager again - not wanting to be the one to end the night or finish the conversation, but when Pero nodded and closed his eyes, murmuring that he would, you knew things were coming to an end. He gave you a final look and a nod before he turned his back to you, heading for the car. 

You stood in the doorway until you heard his car start and then finally closed it, stepping all the way into your house. His headlights flashed in the front window and you heard a single toot from his horn, and that’s what made you react. 

One hand rose to cover your mouth as your eyes widened, and when you backed up enough that you hit the wall, you actually squealed, your eyes squeezed shut. “He fucking kissed me.” You’d wanted it, but hadn’t expected it, especially after the back and forth between you throughout the night. But he did. Lowering your hands, you stepped away from the wall and took a deep, steadying breath. And I’m going to enjoy doing it again. 

You only heard from him a few times over the following few days, and the messages were short because he was busy. 

But Pero was the one that sent the first text, and that was another good sign. 

And even though you knew she expected to hear from you when it came to what had happened with you and Pero, you didn’t spill everything when you spoke to Lin. You didn’t think he would appreciate it, first of all, and you also didn’t want to talk up what had happened until you knew whether or not it was going to continue in a positive direction. I can’t set myself up for that disappointment. 

As the date of the concert got closer, you did let yourself focus on the night, and what you hoped would come from it. You tried to keep your expectations low, but the memory of Pero’s touch - and his kiss - and the way he’d smiled in the diner didn’t make it entirely possible. 

You spent a little more time on yourself when you got ready that night, putting on a new pair of boots with your jeans and adding an extra spritz of perfume before you put on your jacket. It would be dark for the majority of the time you were together, but you still wanted to look nice for the meet and greet portion - and for Pero to pick you up. 

It was silly, and you knew it, especially since he’d made his interest known. But in the time that you’d had to yourself since the fundraiser, you’d thought about what Pero had said - and what he hadn’t said. 

You had no way of knowing if your assumptions were correct, but you thought that he likely hadn’t had a lot of experience with people trying to impress him, or with wanting to be impressed by the women he dated. You wanted to be different. You wanted him to know that you were making an effort for him, and that it wasn’t because it was expected - it was because you wanted to. 

By the time he pulled into your driveway, you’d psyched yourself out. 

It was stupid, and you knew it; it was just Pero, just going to a concert so that he could work … but that didn’t matter. Get it together. 

It seemed that he’d taken your advice from the previous week and waited inside the car for you. When you slid in next to him, you were barely settled before he spoke, Pero’s voice even. “Hi. I am early, but -” 

“You’re right on time.” Smiling at him, you gave him a onceover and sucked in a breath at the sight of a bruise on his cheek, the skin there purpled and beginning to turn green at the edges. “What happened?” 

“Work.” He waved a hand in your direction. “Someone put up a fight but I handled it.” Cautiously, your hand moving as slowly as possible to give him a chance to ask you to stop, you let your fingers trail over the skin just beside his injury. “You do not need to worry about me.” 

“I know. But that doesn’t mean I won’t.” You bit the inside of your lip and sighed. “It looks like it hurt.” 

“You would…worry about me?” He sounded genuinely shocked, but you nodded again, replacing your fingertips with the pad of your thumb. “I think I like that.” 

“Good.” I’m going to kiss that bruise tonight. You made the promise to yourself as you withdrew your hand. “It’s nice to be able to dress down a little for this, hmm?”

“Yes but on Christmas Eve, we won’t be able to.” He wrinkled his nose and put the car into reverse. “Will that be a problem for you?” 

“Nope.” You leaned back in the seat and took a deep breath. “I already know what I’m wearing.” That made him chuckle, and the sound finally broke through the last of your nerves. Things are alright. It’s not weird after the kiss. He didn’t pull away when I touched him. “Do you?”

“No.” He groaned. “Clothes. Something with too many buttons, I’m sure.” You laughed at his words, picturing Pero standing in front of his closet and scowling at the assortment in front of him. 

“Whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll look handsome.” He scoffed, but when you looked over, you saw a faint pink tinge to his cheeks. I made him blush. “We can talk about something else, it’s fine.” You pressed your lips together to keep a broad smile from spreading across your face. “Do you know how many people are at this meet and greet tonight?” 

“About a hundred.” He switched lanes and then eased onto his freeway. “I’ll have the final number when we get there.” It was a lot more than you’d expected, and even though you knew more people would make it difficult to keep an eye on every one of them, the increased number would also make it simpler for William and Pero to blend in. 

“It’s going to take her a long time to meet a hundred people.” He agreed, keeping his eyes on the road. “What can you tell me about her? Just -”

“She is … forward.” He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “She treated William and I like she knew us even though we’d only met a few minutes earlier.” You figured that she’d had practice throughout her career, so it didn’t surprise you. “You will get to meet her tonight, just to make it look real.” You hadn’t planned for that, but it made sense. “They will explain everything when we get there.” 

He fell silent, but when he reached over with one hand a few seconds later, yours was waiting. And when his fingers slid between yours, you didn’t waste a moment in tightening your grip. 

The organization of the meet and greet made perfect sense to you once you were in the building and briefed. 

Everyone was gathering in one of the venue’s rentable spaces, which had been decorated festively to reflect the season. Round tables were placed throughout the room, each with a number sticking out of a Christmas-themed centerpiece and various holiday props scattered across each table’s surface - and more piled up on a longer table against the far wall. 

Their client would meet each table individually and in order, speaking with people and taking photos or signing autographs. Her personal security would be spread throughout the room and at tables themselves, with one person remaining by her side as she moved from table to table. 

There was plenty of food and drink to enjoy while you waited, and a playlist that included some of her music - along with that of other artists in her genre - was audible through the speakers. You and Pero were at table 11, and William and Lin were stationed at 3, which meant that you could see them, but weren’t close. 

You knew that Pero would treat the event like any other job, but you also knew that you’d need to sell the idea that you two were there because you wanted to be, and so after settling into place, you’d asked him to go and get you something to eat. While he was gone, you observed the others in the room. 

It was obvious that most of them were fans of the artist’s, and had either paid good money for the experience or were lucky enough to have won the opportunity. It felt sort of wrong to be among them, but since you weren’t actively taking up someone else’s spot, the feeling passed quickly. And it disappeared entirely when Pero returned with two plates of food balanced atop each other and two drinks carried with his other hand. “Impressive, Mr. Tovar.” He ducked his head, but you caught the brief smile on his lips. “Will you be able to eat, or do you have to -”

“There is always time for food.” He stared at you, dark eyes bright. “And if I’m going to work all night, I need to eat.” You do. 

It only took a few minutes for you to finish most of it, and to your surprise, Pero wanted to talk while you ate. It wasn’t anything in depth, but it was still conversation, and it felt nice to have him speaking to you in the same way you’d seen - and heard - him speak to William and Lin throughout the years. 

He was more relaxed than you’d ever seen him, which made his shift back into business mode much more noticeable. You didn’t mind, though, when he moved to your side of the table and stood next to you, leaning his elbows on the brightly patterned tablecloth. It was so that he had a clearer line of sight, and you knew it, but that didn’t change the fact that it meant he was so close that he was nearly touching you. 

“Am I allowed to speak to you? Or do you need to focus?” 

“Please.” He looked over at you, giving you a lopsided smile. “I can do two things at once.” 

You took that as an invitation and reached toward the center of the table, picking up one of the Santa hats there. 

“You should put a hat on.” Running your fingers over the fur trim, you nodded. “Get into the spirit.” 

“I will if you will.” He took the hat from you and put it on his head, pulling it into place. “How’s it look?” The truth was that it looked ridiculous - but that didn’t mean you didn’t like it. 

“You’re the most handsome Santa I’ve ever seen.” Reaching over, you adjusted the pom-pom at the tip, folding it over so that it hung just right. “Let me take a picture.” You pulled out your phone and snapped a few, barely holding back your laugh at his frown - and then widening your eyes in surprise as it switched into a broad smile that was directed at you. “Perfect.” 

“Are you finished?” He cocked his head to the side. “Because it is your turn.” You hoped he picked out something good for you, and when Pero reached forward, you held your breath. There was no reason to, though, because he chose a headband that had a shiny tinsel tree atop it, complete with tiny, glittery beads in place of ornaments scattered throughout the branches. 

“Pero, it -” You took it from him and settled it in place, keeping your eyes on him. “There. How’s that?” 

“I would have chosen a mistletoe.” He smiled again, reaching for his phone. “But there was not one on either of the tables. I checked the other one when I was getting food.” Oh. Really? You… You were speechless as he started to take pictures, capturing a few before setting his phone back down on the table. Should I ask to take one with him? 

You didn’t need to, because an event photographer stepped up then, raising his camera and telling you to smile. Without even thinking about it, you leaned against Pero, tipping your head in his direction. When he put his arm around you, settling it across your shoulders, you breathed out a sigh of relief. Good thing we practiced.

Even when the photographer stepped away, he kept his arm around you though he moved it so that he could tighten his fingers against your side. “Do you want to keep them on?” He pointed at his hat with another finger. “At least until we go out into the crowd?” 

“You don’t have to.” You licked your lips, giving yourself a few seconds to think. “But I think it looks good on you.” He was going to reply but didn’t get a chance to. A loud cheer and some clapping signaled the singer’s presence in the room, and once again, playful Pero was gone, replaced with a man that was laser focused on the task at hand. 

She wasted no time, greeting the crowd and thanking everyone for coming before immediately moving to table 1 and interacting with the people there. 

The conversion in the room stayed at a lower level than you expected, but everyone was respectful. They stayed at their tables for the most part, with the exception being people at the higher numbered ones leaving to go and get snacks and drinks while they waited their turn. 

She was pretty in person, her long dark hair cascading over her shoulders as she spoke with each individual. You noticed that she was personable, but didn’t get too close to anyone until it was time to take photos. “I don’t blame her.” You pointed across the room. “She’s taking good pictures, but she’s not really letting anyone crowd her space. 

“She was told not to.” He leaned closer, dropping his voice - and his hand. “By us and her own team. It’s important she meet people and be herself, but her safety…” He hummed. “It is not worth the risk.” 

You didn’t say anything in return, instead watching as she made her way to Lin and William’s table. It was more of the same, both of them being polite to her, followed by her taking a few minutes to have an actual conversation with them before she took photos and moved on. 

“We’ll be on the lower level for the show.” He cleared his throat, picking up his cup to take a drink. “We get to watch from the mixing booth, because it is elevated.” 

“Yeah?” He nodded, his eyes following her as she moved to a new table. “So you have a better view of everyone?”

“Yes. I need to watch the crowd.” He gestured around you. “All of these people times a hundred.” That made you laugh, and when you reached over, settling your hand on his forearm, you were pleased to find that Pero didn’t shy away from your touch. 

“Are we going to talk about it, Pero?” He turned his head to look at you, and even though his face was impassive, you saw the slight widening of his eyes as they met yours. “The kiss, or the things you said, or -”

“Yes.” He wet his lips. “If you want to, we can.” Of course I want to. “When?”

“I’d say now, but we’re about to have company.” You squeezed his arm and then sighed, pulling your hand away “She’s only got a few tables left, and I don’t want to get interrupted in the middle of that conversation.” 

“You’re right.” Pero nodded, taking another drink. “Not a good thing to get stopped while talking about.” Not at all. “What will you say to her?” 

“I have no idea.” You reached for your cup, too, spinning it on the tabletop. “Maybe I’ll just tell her I liked her last movie. Or that I’m excited to see the next one.” You looked down at your hands and then back over at him. “You?”

“I was hoping you’d lead the conversation.” He smiled at you, shrugging his shoulders. “That way I don’t have to.” That made you laugh, and when you lowered your chin to catch your breath, you were still smiling. 

“Typical. We’ve been out two times and I’m already picking up your slack.” He snorted at that, but when he leaned in, putting his mouth close to your ear to speak, neither of you were laughing. 

“There are other times where you will never have to worry about that.” He paused and then leaned in even closer, his lips brushing against your ear when they moved. “And that is a promise.” You backed away from him, turning to look into his eyes and finding that his pupils were enlarged, Pero’s lips parted as he waited for you to reply. 

How do I even respond to that? What do I say? “Pero, I -”

“Well hello, you two.” You were interrupted by the appearance of Pero’s client at your table, the woman’s voice high and bright. “Nice to meet you, I’m Christina.” She stuck her hand out, and you reached for it, greeting her and telling her your name, too. “And I already know you.” She winked at Pero, leaning closer and putting her palm flat on the table. “It’s good to see you again, Tovar.” 

You thought back to the conversation in the diner - to William and Pero’s assessment of Christina and then jumped to him saying she was forward. I didn’t think he meant flirty, though. “Yes. You too.” He cleared his throat. “Are you having fun?” Oh, shit I was supposed to… 

“You were fantastic in End of the Night, Christina.” Cutting in, you tried to draw her attention back to you. “I loved your character’s arc, and -”

“We had a lot of fun making it.” She nodded once at you and then looked back over at Pero. “I’m trying to get this one to come work for me on the next shoot.” She looked back at you and lifted a brow. “You can never be too careful with security, and he’s supposed to be one of the best.” What? “Maybe you can convince him to help me out.” She bit her lip and then reached over, moving to put her hand atop Pero’s. “Hmm?” 

He pulled his hand back at the last second, sliding it off the table and lowering it to his side. Interesting. “Christina, I’m not sure I have that kind of -”

“I like my job.” He cleared his throat and then reached over, sliding his hand along your lower back until it settled in place on your hip. “I’m not interested in a new one.” She looked shocked for a few seconds but recovered, straightening up and putting both hands on her hips. 

“There’s still time.” She nodded. “Now how about we take some pictures?” She gestured for you and Pero to move toward her - so you did, reaching over to push him forward with one hand. “Tovar and me first.” Part of you was irritated with how obvious she was being, but another part of you was intrigued. Because she’s going for it. She’s probably not used to people turning her down, and … “Smile!” She stood next to him, tilting her head in and toward his shoulder. 

You watched as he stood stiffly next to her, his arms hanging by his sides as she put one of her hands on his back, between his shoulders. And you bit back a laugh when she moved even closer, asking him to take a funny picture and then mirroring his scowl as she faced the camera again, one hand rising so that she could touch the pom pom on the point of his hat. 

As soon as the photographer lowered the camera, Pero stepped away and waved you forward. You didn’t really want the photo with her, but Christina moved into place, putting one hand on her hip and actually posing. Fuck it. You posed, too, getting closer than Pero had but still not touching her, and when the images were snapped, you backed off. I’m ready to be done with this. “How about the three of us?” She turned to look between you, her eyes glinting in the glow of the Christmas lights. “We can pretend to kiss his cheeks or something, if that’s alright with him.”

You knew it then - that instead of pretending, she was likely going to actually kiss him. You wondered if it would cause rumors. You wondered if Pero would get angry when it happened. I wonder if I should warn him. But it wasn’t your place to step in, and if Christina wanted to flirt with him in the open, letting it play out was the only thing you could do, because it had to be him that chose how to react.  

“Sure.” You reached out, touching his arm. “But only if you actually smile in this one, Pero.” He grumbled out his agreement but moved into place between you, and that time, you didn’t wait to put your arm around his waist, turning your head toward him and tilting it to get the best angle. 

You didn’t worry about what Christina was doing, and when the photographer began to count down, you leaned in closer, letting your eyes droop partially shut. It was hard for you to keep from actually kissing him in the picture - especially since the cheek you’d chosen was the one with the bruise, but you managed. You also caught the way he swore under his breath in Spanish, Pero staying in place but stiffening. “You actually… why did you…”

“I thought we’d both…” Christina groaned, leaning forward so that she could look past him and at you. “Thought you’d take the opportunity to -”

“Nah. Not for a picture.” You grinned, holding her gaze. “I’ll just actually do it later.” Her mouth dropped open, and you heard Pero disguise a surprised snort with a cough. I said what I said. “It was nice meeting you, Christina.” Her surprise turned into a smile, and to her credit, she leaned forward, still watching you, but with her eyes slightly narrowed. 

“I’ll give you this one.” Standing back up, she switched her attention to Pero. “She’s good.”

“She’s the best.” He cleared his throat. “You should go to the next table. There are more people to meet.” She wanted to say something - you could see it in her face. But Christina didn’t speak again before she moved on, leaving you and Pero standing beside each other next to the table again. 

You wondered if you’d overstepped. You had no right to make a claim like the one you’d made, and though it had felt good in the moment, you weren’t sure if it was the right thing to have done. He’ll tell me. “Pero, I -”

He turned, so that he could once again keep his eyes on the woman as she continued to make her way through the tables, but Pero also reached over, taking your hand again and squeezing. “I think we have something else to talk about later.”

For most of the concert, you and Pero stood next to each other and didn’t speak. You weren’t in the mixing booth; there was a space beside it that was separated from the rest of the crowd, and that’s where the two of you ended up. He’d handed you a pair of earplugs before the music started, and you’d watched as he slipped a single one into his ear, too. He must have the earpiece in again. 

It was strange to stand beside him without talking, but as time passed and the music played, you got more comfortable. He touched you often, though, his arm brushing against yours, or his hand resting on your back, and those moments gave you the courage to touch him in return. When he put his hands on the railing in front of you, you covered one with your own, letting it linger for a few seconds as you turned your head enough to give him a smile. And when he leaned forward, eyeing the crowd, you rested your hand on his upper back, moving it in a slow circle.

They were simple things - things that wouldn’t be out of the ordinary to occur between two friends - but with Pero, they were significant escalations in the behavior between the two of you. Because a week and a half ago, we didn’t even speak. It was especially encouraging because of his reaction to Christina attempting to touch his hand. Even though you didn’t know whether or not he’d pulled away because she was a client or because he just wasn’t interested, you didn’t think it mattered much. 

He left you briefly to head into the crowd, Pero giving your hand a squeeze before hopping over the low railing and then heading down the two stairs into the general admission area. You immediately looked away from the stage and followed him instead, heart rate elevated. 

You had no idea what he’d seen, but it must have been something that also caught the attention of Christina’s team, because as he moved through the crowd, he was joined by one of the men you’d seen in the briefing room. They beelined it through the sea of bodies and approached a man that was by himself - and had his phone out and pointed at the stage, a hood covering the back of his head. 

They spoke to him for a few seconds and then the trio moved toward the edge of the crowd, leaving the floor area and going out of sight as they stepped out and into the aisleway. You frowned, staring for a few seconds longer at where they’d been before turning your attention back to the stage - and to the woman on it. 

She was a good performer, and even if her music wasn’t what you typically listened to, you had to admit that it was the truth. You could understand why so many people were fans, and were happy that she was able to utilize multiple talents in her career. As she finished one song and started to talk to the crowd, the lights came up a little and let you see more of the people in it. 

There were just as many men as there were women, and you knew - without a doubt - that many of them would jump at the chance to interact with her in the way she’d tried to with Pero earlier. But he didn’t take the bait. And she said she’s been trying to get him to agree to work for her, so he knew she was interested in … 

Your fingers curled around the railing as you closed your eyes, taking a deep breath. It wasn’t a surprise to you that she was interested in Pero, even on just a physical level. He was an attractive man, and his demeanor only made him more alluring. She’d likely only seen the professional side of him, but there was no doubt in your mind that even if she’d only seen moments of his actual personality coming through, it was enough. Because it was enough for me. 

You felt a presence at your back, and were stunned when you felt an arm wrap around you, the scent of Pero’s cologne filling your nose. Is he seriously… wow. He didn’t speak, but when you turned so that you could look at him, he gave you a single nod - and a brief twitch of his lips. He wouldn’t have come back if things were bad. 

Settling back into place, you leaned against him, content  to watch the rest of the show that way - unless he needed go to back into the crowd. 

When the music ended, he moved his arm and you reached up, taking your earplugs out and slipping them into your pocket. As you turned to face him, you heard Pero speaking and realized that he was likely updating William about what had happened during the show. 

“Come on.” He held a hand out when he was done, waiting for you to take it. “Gotta go and debrief and then we can leave.” You followed him backstage, and when you made it to the room you’d first entered earlier that afternoon, he let go of your hand and pointed. “There’s coffee over there. Will you make me a cup while I talk to them? The same way I ordered it before is fine.” 

You knew it was to keep you busy, but you didn’t mind and agreed. It only took you a few seconds to fill his cup, and by the time you’d moved to the smaller table where the sugar and creamer was, Lin had joined you. “Tell me all about it. We saw her take the pictures with -”

“She wants him to work for her.” You stirred his drink, staring down at it. “She was flirting, and then she actually kissed his cheek.” Lin’s gasp made you pause. “I know, right? I’m sure it’s a great picture, but it was …” Putting the lid onto his cup, you fully faced your friend. “She made it very clear that she’s interested in him. And she’d probably pay really well, so it would be stupid for him to -”

“What was his reaction? He didn’t seem…” She frowned, thinking. “He didn’t seem too excited. And what did you say? You were right there. You must have said something.”

“She played it off like she expected me to kiss his other cheek.” You bit your lip. “I didn’t. And when she asked why, I just said I’d actually kiss him later.” Lin’s eyes widened - and so did her smile, before one hand rose to cover it. “I don’t know where it came from. I just … I’ve waited so long for him to actually…” You closed your eyes. “I couldn’t help myself.”

“And you shouldn’t.” She reached over, the look in her eyes kind. “It was a genuine reaction, and he’ll know that. He’ll appreciate that.” You hoped she was right, and as the two of you looked over at where Pero and William were talking to Christina’s team, you sighed. “He told William he kissed you. He said it just happened, and he hopes that it didn’t ruin anything.”

“It didn’t.” You touched her shoulder. “And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I wanted to keep it between us for now, because it was just a kiss. That’s all it might ever be, Lin. I just didn’t want to get too excited.” 

“I understand.” She smiled at you. “I’ll always listen if you want to talk, but you don’t have to tell me anything.” She gestured over at a set of couches in the middle of the room. “We should sit, they might be a -” You heard William calling her name, and both of you looked over in time to see him waving her over. “OK, nevermind. I guess we’re going over there.” 

Pero was still talking to the other security guards when you got to where they were all standing, and their voices were low enough that you couldn’t make much out. I hope everything’s alright. “As soon as Tovar finishes, we can head out.” His attention shifted to you. “I don’t want to leave you here, because it might be a second before he’s done.” 

“It’s alright.” You waved a hand at them. “I can sit and wait. You don’t have to stick around.” William looked like he wanted to argue, but Lin didn’t let him, grabbing his arm and launching into conversation about how hungry she was, and how they could stop and pick something up to eat at home. When she met your gaze, you mouthed a thank you at her, Lin’s only answer a wink followed by a sideways glance at where Pero stood. Got it. 

When they headed for the door, you took Pero’s coffee and sat down on one of the chairs, pulling out your phone. You didn’t expect to hear a woman saying your name moments later, and you expected to see Christina even less when you looked up. Shit. She’d changed out of her show clothes into a pair of sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt, and had removed all of her makeup and put her hair up and into a high ponytail. She looks like a regular person. 

“Oh. Hi. I wasn’t… it was a great show. You -”

“I wanted to apologize.” She sat across from you, putting her hands into her lap. “To you and to Tovar. It was … inappropriate. I shouldn’t have kissed him without his permission, even if it was only on the cheek. And I shouldn’t have … you’re clearly here together, and I knew it. But I still…”

“We aren’t together, though.” You smiled, shrugging your shoulders. “We came here together, yeah, and we were at the fundraiser together and are coming to the Christmas Eve party together, too, but we aren’t…” You paused, wondering why you were being honest with her. “Pero and I are just friends. I was as much out of line with what I said as you were.” 

“I’m not sure about that.” She smiled at you, looking past where you sat and at where Pero and the others were. “I was serious about wanting him to work for me, though. I feel safer knowing he’s around.” She laughed. “And my guys are already good, so that’s saying a lot.” You understood completely; there was just something about Pero that put you at ease, and you imagined that in her position, feeling that way would be a comfort. “I think they’re done. I should go and talk to my team before we leave. I hear they pulled someone out of the crowd?”

“Yeah. Middle of the set, but he didn’t fight or anything, he just went with one of your guys and Tovar. I didn’t see anything else.” She nodded and moved to stand, but before she could, you felt Pero behind you again, followed by the brush of his fingers against your shoulder as he gripped the back of the chair. 

“I see you found someone to talk to.” You looked up, finding Pero’s eyes on you. “I’m sorry it took so long.” Waving the apology off, you reached forward and picked up the cup, handing it to him. Once he was holding it, you watched as he looked from you to Christina, Pero’s chest rising and falling as he took a few breaths. “Everything is good. The man we spoke to tonight was just …” He frowned, narrowing his eyes. “He was not dangerous, just behaving a little oddly.”

“That’s good to know.” She smiled up at him and then stood. “Tovar, I’m sorry about earlier. I’ve already apologized to your friend here, but …” She tapped her lips with one finger. “I wanted to do the same to you.” Pero’s lips parted, but he didn’t speak. “I should have asked before I kissed you, especially in front of someone else.” Christina’s smile widened. “I’m sorry. I hope that I didn’t fuck anything up for the rest of the time we’re working together, or …” She pressed her lips together. “Or for more potential to work together in the future.” 

So she still wants him to work for her, and she wants him to know it. “Thank you.” Pero cleared his throat. “Everything is fine.” He moved his hand from the back of the chair to your shoulder, his thumb sweeping slowly over the outside of it. “But like I said, I am more than happy with my current job.” Christina blinked a few times but only nodded in reply, her eyes moving to your face and then back to Pero’s before she excused herself. “Are you ready to go? I’m done.” 

You were and told him as much, standing and then turning to face him. “Is everything alright? That guy -”

“We’ll talk about it.” He pressed his lips together. “My house is closer than yours. And it is not too late, so I thought …” Pero looked down and then back up at you. “Maybe we could order a pizza before I take you home?”

Your stomach rumbled at the suggestion, and even though you didn’t know what to expect from actual private time with Pero, you wanted to find out. “I can order it on my phone while you drive. Sounds perfect.” 

[pancakemolybdenum]

@josuyasuweek-2024 day 3: hospital / holidays / fake dating

emergency hair treatment

[irregularjohnnywiggins]

You ever have those moments where an idea just... won't leave your head?

[imvec]

Scene from chapter 7 (!) of “living is a gamble, baby (loving's much the same)” by @stbot

And their ‘fake’ wedding

[courfee]

it's been exactly a year since the last chapter of Operation Walburga's Arbitrary No Kissing Ever Rule and I still miss it. This scene is probably one of my favourite things I've ever written and I've wanted to draw it for forever, so now seemed like an appropriate time

[nyxvamps]

i need a dipcifica fic where they’re out of school and it’s the summer before college or something. and pacifica straight up asks dipper ‘you wanna date me this summer to piss off my dad?’ as one last fuck you before she can finally leave that hell hole of a mansion.

and of course, dipper’s like ‘i would love nothing more than to make your father regret letting you out of the house. and it being my fault.’

so the whole summer is them actually dating but solely to fuck with her dad. and it’s a lot of casual dates and holding hands in public and obnoxiously making out in his beat up truck when dipper picks her up from the mansion and her dad is ripping his hair out in the window trying not to buy a shot gun and stalking down to the Shack.

and of course, it ends with them realizing they have actual feelings for eachother outside of friendship and spite against pacifica’s dad. and everyone else, literally everyone else, is so relieved that they admitted that they genuinely like eachother. mable and soos been planning their wedding since they were in 9th grade.

[alwaysshallow]

fake dating with Soap will include him going "let's practice kissing. you know, so it seems more real." and him kissing you like you're the love of his life, leaving you both dazed and minds fogged up. then he does it again because "that wasn't quite right. lemme try again." and cue to both of you falling off the couch and kissing on the floor *giggling and kicking my feet at the thought of this*

anon. i had to write something more for this

"'st for practice. It has to look real." he begs you.

You start to think you don't really get the terms of this deal. As Soap determined the meaning of this fake dating thingy, it had to be strictly casual. Every little hug now and then, holding hands, casual kiss on the cheek so his aunts wouldn't suspect him of lying right in front of them (ironic, isn't it?). It worked at the beggining – to be strict, two birthdays, his aunt's and grandma's – but now, he's in your apartment, saying something about this relationship being fake.

"It... is, fake." you say, absolutely bamboozled, which causes Soap to groan and shake his head.

He invades your private space, as he traps you between his arms, his palms on the cushions beside you. If it wasn't a fake thing, you'd probably start making out with him, but it is fake. You have to be professional to not cross a boundary that you set for yourself.

"Come on, hen" his voice drops an octave; you shiver at the feeling of his cold fingers touching the side of your neck. "We have to kiss, eventually. Happy kiss, happy couple."

You want to correct him, but when your gaze crosses with his, his absolute blue, puppy eyes convince you. It's nothing. You've done worse things for the missions, almost had to sleep with the enemy for an intel. It's not like you can't do kissing practice for a simple friend.

The moment he kisses you, you know it's not going to be a practice. It's far from it, he kisses you so deeply, so sensually, like he was a man starved – maybe he is, just like he's a fighter when his tongue absolutely dominates yours, and he lets out a satisfied groan.

You really want to end this. You do, in fact, end it, when you pull away from the kiss, panting, when he looks at you. This look is different than the last; full of lust, there's nothing of that crystal, royal blue that was here a while ago. His pupils are almost black, and you gulp, backing off a little. Trying because he's at you again.

"That... wasn't quite right. Lemme try again, eh?"

Johnny absolutely kills the last willpower you had, when he grabs your neck forcefully, causing you to gasp at the sensation. His lips are hot on yours, and you two land on the floor eventually because there's not enough of space for him – your hiss of pain causes him to laugh at it, and it's the meanest laugh you've ever heard from him.

"Aww, yer ass needs a little kiss too? To hurt less?" he whispers the question right against your lips, when your cheeks are heating up. His actions speaks louder than words, though; his hand is at your ass, and you don't try to correct him.

It's just the beggining.

another brainrot about them

[bayetea]

I think it's really annoying that leo has completely falsified memories of jason too and this is barely acknowledged in the books

[ramblingautisticman]

IM SORRY BUT I DONT LIKE THE FAKE DATING TROPES I JUST- I DONT LIKE EM- I FIND THEM BORING AND CONDESENDING BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY ARE EITHER GOING TO BE DAYING BY THE END OR HAVE A BIG BLOW UP OR SMTH AND I JUST- I CANT LIKE IT IM SORRY

[plusultraetc]

idiots (affectionate)

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Wan: So what do you think is a defining feature of an Avatar? Roku: Unwavering duty towards leading humanity into the light? Yangchen, thinking of Gun: Nah. Korra: Our smile? Aang: I think that is a good one. Kuruk: No, I think it's that we're all a bit.....no, extremely petty at times. Kyoshi: True that. Korra: Ok I can't disagree. Yangchen: Yup. Haha, I remember the time I was still so upset with Kavik while on the job. I blew hot hair into his ear to mess with him. His ears were so red! Wan/Roku/Korra/Aang/Kuruk: ??????!!!! Kyoshi: That's not being petty, that's just flirting. I mean it is a bit petty, but wow the flirting. Yangchen: I wasn't flirting. Kyoshi: Take it from someone who would get that regularly from Rangi during my horse stance make-out sessions. That's some romantic/sexually charged shit right there girl. Yangchen, supreme scholar but also local idiot:

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

To elaborate more on the Pesterquest stuff -

Alternia is a hell world. It's shitty to live in, even if you're a highblood, unless you fit a very specific mold of person AND are lucky enough to be born of a high caste. Every troll character we care about is, in some way, fucked over by their relationship to their society; Eridan and Vriska get it the worst, having been forced to participate in the murdering side of things since they were young, but every lowblood is screwed and every highblood is made worse even just by their passive participation. Kanaya becomes less sympathetic because she seems completely at peace with the society she grew up in, and Feferi wants to enforce casteism, even if it's of a different flavor. Gamzee and Equius both hold genuinely casteist beliefs and attitudes, which slip out and alienate them from the people they care about.

Putting a friendship simulator into the middle of all this is... a choice, I guess. I'm not going to begrudge anyone for wanting that or liking that, but it's going to be inherently at odds with what Alternia is and is meant to represent, and thus, fundamentally at odds with many of the characters' arcs and even basic personality traits, so heavily are they influenced by the shit society they grew up in.

For a non-Eridan example, Karkat loathes himself in massive part because his society loathes him. He's kill-on-sight and lives in daily terror of death. He wears a symbol at all because not having one marks him as even more of a freak, even though he knows that that symbol is connected to the empire's biggest rebel, whose footsteps he is expected to follow. The reason he's so obsessed with being leader-y and earning his teammates' reapect, or the respect of anybody, is because he's so deeply insecure about whether or not he even deserves to exist.

If you soften Alternia to the point you can write a lighthearted friendship simulator in it, then that characterization... goes away. Karkat is no longer motivated by deep, overwhelming insecurities, which drive him to idolize the society that deems him unworthy, mistakenly believing that if he can find validation in that society, he'll feel less bad about himself. Instead, Karkat is just kind of an asshole!

It's the same way with Eridan. He and Karkat are equal and opposite in this way - while Karkat is marked for death by his society, Eridan belongs to the extremely privileged caste of sea dweller royalty - even moreso than Feferi, as Feferi is slated to be murdered by the Condesce as soon as she comes of age (and her ridiculous optimism is likely something she cultivated in outright defiance of this fate). But it turns out that being a sea dweller sucks shit, too, if you aren't the extremely niche type of person that society deems "correct."

Eridan is not actually casteist and genuinely likes his land dweller friends - and this is unacceptible. Not only that, but smaller "unacceptible" offenses are wrapped up in big ones - despite not liking murder and feeling guilty about it, murder is objectively the correct thing for Eridan to be doing, constantly, to the point of it being "all [he's] ever done practically," because if he doesn't fulfil the duty of his bloodline to be murdering lusii (and by extension, their charges, who are culled when their lusii die), EVERYBODY dies. The constant push-pull of trauma, societal expectations and obligations, the fate of the species, and the fact that he is inherently not the "right" kind of person for his society, are pretty much his entire character. He's basically a walking ball of anxiety and emotional turmoil.

So, again, if you soften Alternia to the point where you can write a story about Eridan wanting to see Shrek in a public theater (something he would not actually be able to peacefully do in canon Alternia - at least not without taking off his cape, hiding his fins, and going anonblood - as sea dwellers are considered ridiculously hostile to the point even Gamzee's nervous about being on the beach for too long), Eridan ends up being just kind of an asshole!

Pesterquest!Eridan is, and I cannot stress this enough, fundamentally not the same guy as canon Eridan. They have practically nothing in common, from the fact that PQ!Eridan is willing to do something for leisure, to the fact that he isn't widely feared and the movie theater doesn't empty out in a panic when he turns up, even down to the fact that he likes femme fashion (canon Eridan goes to Lengths to lean into masc fashion) and Shrek (canon Eridan is a hipster). Hell, even the fact that PQ!Eridan SMILES is a massive deviation from canon!Eridan, who has never once been depicted smiling, and probably hasn't for many sweeps.

Also that he has that much beef with Sollux when, canonically, the two had a lukewarm mutual dislike and didn't even bother interacting until Feferi was added to the mix and Eridan became mad that Sollux was dating her. He wasn't even casteist about him until then, and after, even Sollux and Feferi don't think he's casteist, they just think he's ashenflirting so he can get into a quad with Feferi. Like come on, if you're going to feature another troll in Eridan's route, 1) make it be Karkat, and 2) have Eridan cheat on you the whole time with Karkat like he does to Feferi.

Eridan is just overall a wild choice in a friendship sim - I can't even blame them for just writing an OC and putting an Eridan skin on top - because societally, Eridan isn't even supposed to have non-sea dweller friends. The sea dweller/land dweller race war is something the Condesce deliberately put into place in order to keep land dwelling nobility in line, and Equius cites it as one of the reasons he never got along with Eridan. Like, the very fact that Eridan talks to two land dwellers on friendly terms (Kanaya and Karkat) is a MASSIVE deviation from what he's "supposed" to be like, and a huge hint that he's not as casteist as he'd like to appear. You are genuinely hundreds, if not thousands, of times likelier to end an encounter with Eridan either orphaned or dead than as his friend. He's an unstable maniac, and there's a reason so many members of his team don't like him even though he's legitimately not casteist and they mostly seem aware of it (nobody really complains about or even notices Eridan's casteism by the time they're on the meteor - his contradictions are really obvious, and it's likely that they've more or less realized that he's full of shit).

Again, I don't begrudge anybody for wanting or liking PQ. Who cares, really. I'm just saying that as a canon discussion blog, there's not really any place for PQ because it's so far removed from canon that, like, there's not really anything meaningful to discuss about it. The setting and characters in PQ are fundamentally divested from canon, and not even in an AU way. And it's totally fine if that's what you like, but, yeah, like.

Was Eridan written well (where "well" = accurate to canon): no. Maybe he's fine as an OC with an Eridan Minecraft skin slapped on, but that's not my beautiful son, that's not my baby boy.

What did they get wrong about Eridan (where "wrong" = inaccurate to canon): all.

What route would I have written for Eridan: he shoots you with a gun and you die. And then maybe cheats on you with Karkat

[julia-loves-cupcakes]

The TSL musical event looks different than I remember 🤔

Now playing: Shadows of friendship

My second @obeymeholidayexchange piece for @aspiringtrashpanda ! I had soooo many ideas for this prompt but nothing looked right X'DD so in the end I thought a fake screenshot would be a fun lil second gift ^^

Version without my tablet's UI after the cut:

The background I got from the game, cause there was no way I could remake it hkdhfk but I did redraw Levi cause I'm a masochist I guess

[hotmessmaxpress]

Mig/Bezz fake dating au, part 1

Celestino’s new girlfriend is a smokeshow. She’s absolutely far too sexy to be dating Celestino, but she’s clearly smitten with him. She laughs at all of his jokes, even the stupid ones that make Bezz cringe. They look at each other with stars in their eyes, and Cele talks to her like she’s a princess. 

It makes Bezz sick. 

He knows that Cele has never claimed to be anything but straight. Bezz genuinely has no reason to believe that Cele could be gay, or bisexual, or that he would be into him if he were gay. He can’t help but be jealous, though. He and Cele have been friends for so long, and they are on the same page on everything. Bezz knows that he knows Celestino better than his girlfriend, and he always will. They’d be so good together. 

He isn’t sure what sparks the idea of trying to make Cele jealous, but once it’s in his head he can’t stop thinking about it. He thinks about it basically every time he sees Cele with his girlfriend, and he grits his teeth and thinks about what it would be like to have Cele look at him like that. If Cele just gave him a chance, they could be so happy. 

The more he thinks about it the more a plan starts to form, and he begins thinking about who he could use to make Cele jealous. It would have to be someone that could make it believable; Bezz considers trying to find a stranger, but he knows he would feel too awkward to make the romance believable. Besides, the idea of using a stranger for something like this doesn’t sit right with him. It needs to be a friend; someone Bezz knows won’t catch feelings but who would feel comfortable pretending to have feelings for him. 

Mig.

He texts him abruptly. 

Mig’s agreement sends a thrill through Bezz. He knows that, despite Mig’s hesitations, he’ll make it believable. 

Bezz invites Mig over to plan.

When Mig arrives, Bezz has to focus on staying calm. He’s just so excited at the idea of making Cele finally fall in love with him. 

“Thank you for your service,” he says seriously, taking Mig’s hand as he comes in. 

Mig looks incredulous. 

“This is going to blow up in your face,” he warns. 

Bezz huffs. “I know that you think that. But what if it doesn’t and he falls in love with me?”

Mig snorts. “Then I will officiate your wedding.”

Bezz thinks he’s kidding but he doesn’t care. 

“Deal,” he says, seriously. “Now, we need to talk about the rules. We have to make it look real, or he’ll know what I’m trying to do and it won’t work.”

He drags Mig to the couch by his hand, and he sits right up next to him. 

“We already spend a lot of time together,” he says. “We talk all the time. It won’t be hard to make it look like we’re really dating.”

Mig looks expectantly at him. 

“We just need to talk about, um,” Bezz hesitates. “How far you’re willing to go.”

Migno gives him a flat look. “Are you asking me to put out?”

“No!” Bezz denies, spluttering as Mig finally breaks and laughs raucously at him. 

Bezz flushes, elbowing Mig. 

“No, I mean are you willing to kiss me? I know the point is to make Cele jealous but I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

Mig looks at him, grinning, and then launches himself at Bezz. He plants a kiss on Bezz’s mouth, and Bezz squeaks in surprise. Mig pulls away, still grinning. 

“If I’m going to do this I’m going all in, baby,” he promises. 

Bezz wonders for a moment what he has decided to get himself into. 

Their first test of their fake relationship is a fairly easy task. It’s a regular day at the ranch, where they’ll spend most of the time riding anyway. Bezz finds himself nervous, though. He and Mig meet up and drive together, and Bezz is thankful that the bumpy road toward the ranch distracts him from some of his nerves. 

“Don’t be nervous,” Mig says, reaching over to squeeze his leg. “It’s just a regular training day. Maybe you hold my hand for a bit. Maybe I grab your ass.”

Bezz snorts. 

“Other than that, it’s a totally normal day.”

Bezz nods, taking a deep breath as he parks the car. He tries not to focus too hard on acting natural, knowing that will probably have the opposite effect. He knows he’s overthinking things, but he can’t help it. He is nervous to see what Cele’s reaction is. He takes their things out of the trunk, and he squeaks as Mig squeezes his ass. 

He nearly bashes his head on the trunk as he whirls around, but there’s no one around. 

“You need to calm down,” Mig asks. “Is that how you would react if we were really dating?”

Bezz huffs. “You wouldn’t do that if we were dating!”

Mig laughs. 

“Yes I would! That’s why you need to relax. It’s going to be fine! Otherwise you’ll need to break up with me and it will be messy.”

Bezz finishes hauling their things from the trunk with a groan, giving Mig a severe look. Mig seems to feel a little glee at Bezz’s anguish and Bezz can’t help but stick his tongue out childishly. 

“You asked for this,” Mig reminds him unhelpfully.

Mig continues to bother him as they carry their things into the changing room at the ranch, and Bezz finds himself relaxing. It’s normal to act this way with Mig. 

Despite that, Bezz has to admit that he does a better job of pretending they’re dating than Bezz does. He doesn’t go overboard; he sticks close to Bezz’s side, and their normal banter takes on a flirty edge. He’s just a little touchier than normal, pressing their helmets together or taking his hand for a moment. When they’re all finished and showered and hanging around talking, Mig drags their chairs next to each other. 

He leans over to whisper in Bezz’s ear. 

“Put your arm across the back of my chair.”

Bezz’s brain short-circuits for a moment before he follows Mig’s directions. 

Mig leans back against his arm, otherwise not calling attention to it. Still, Bezz sees Cele look curiously at their position, and Bezz takes it as a small victory. He lifts his hand to the back of Mig’s neck, and plays with the hair there. 

He hears Mig stutter in his conversation with Luca, but otherwise the action is totally normal. Bezz finds that the repetitive motion has a calming effect on him. 

It doesn’t occur to Bezz that others will think anything of their behavior until he locks eyes with Pecco, who looks pointedly at where his hand is wrapped in Mig’s hair, and he raises an eyebrow. Bezz can feel his face heat up, but he smiles and shrugs. Mig seems to notice, and he reaches over to squeeze Bezz’s leg.

Pecco doesn’t seem overly shocked, a fact that Bezz files away for later. He had thought they’d at least get some sort of reaction, and the longer they go on with very little fanfare the more he relaxes. Mig was right, and it’s not actually that different than they normally are. 

By the time they’re ready to leave, Bezz is happily holding Mig’s hand. They’re laughing and joking as usual, and it’s comfortable and normal.

His eyes keep flickering to Celestino, but he unfortunately hasn’t been able to catch his eye. He’s a little disappointed that Cele hasn’t really reacted, and he wonders if he should step up the public affection next time. He asks Mig when they get in the car.

“We have to do it slowly,” Mig answers. “We can’t go from holding hands to humping each other, Bezz.”

Bezz guffaws. 

“I don’t want to hump you! I was thinking maybe we kiss.”

Mig shrugs.

“Okay. Next time we are with Celestino.”

The next time they are out together as a “couple”, Celestino is not present. They are meeting Pecco and Domizia for dinner, and Bezz is surprised when Mig takes his hand. 

“Unless you want to tell them we’re not really dating, we need to keep up the act,” Mig points out. 

“Oh,” Bezz says. He hadn’t thought of that. 

Mig holds the door open for him, and Bezz smiles and thanks him. 

Pecco and Domi are easy to find, and Bezz is delighted to see her. He kisses both of her cheeks and steps out of the way for Mig to do the same. He glances over to see Pecco watching them carefully, and as he sits down he knows his face is red. 

“So,” Domizia says, pointing her finger at Bezz and Mig, and looking at both of them in turn. “What is all this?”

Bezz grins sheepishly and shrugs. “It’s new,” he says.

“No it’s not,” Pecco says, and Bezz looks at him in confusion. 

“Come on,” Pecco says, rolling his eyes. “This is the least shocking relationship development I’ve ever seen. You two have basically been married for years.”

Bezz stares at him, brain fully shutting down and waiting on a reboot. 

“No we haven’t,” Mig protests.

“You basically have,” Domizia says, taking a sip of her wine. “You always drive everywhere together. Bezz is always falling asleep on you. You are always out together.”’

Bezz opens his mouth to argue that he’s far more married to Celestino, which is the problem, but his brain finally turns back on and he remembers that the goal is to make people believe they’re dating, not to argue about it. He forces a smile. 

“It really isn’t that much of a change, is it?” 

He makes eye contact with Mig, who seems a little shell-shocked by the casual manner with which Domizia dropped that bomb. 

The rest of the dinner goes well, and Bezz is smiling when they get back in the car. Bezz drives, as always, and he reaches over to rest a hand on Mig’s thigh. 

Neither of them brings up the comments Domi and Pecco made about this not being a surprise, and Bezz wonders if he’s imagining the awkward air between them. He specifically chose Mig for this task because he thought it would be the least awkward. 

Bezz wants to break the silence but he doesn’t know what to say. Instead, he takes his hand off Mig’s leg and drives the rest of the way home in silence.

[jessicas-pi]

*randomly materializes from the void* SURPRISE FIC SNIPPET!

---

Obi-Wan should feel at least a little exasperated at the confession Yoda had teased out of Ezra, but all he can manage is a sad wistfulness.

Ezra is about the age Obi-Wan was when he and Duchess Satine parted ways. Obi-Wan can’t help but think that he might have been very much like Ezra, if Satine had said the word—or if he had known about her child.

But such things are in the past, and Obi-Wan tries not to dwell on what could have been. 

Regardless, Ezra had stared shamefacedly at the ground the whole walk to Yoda’s home while Luke peppered Obi-Wan with confused questions, and he only perks up once he tries some of Yoda’s nefarious stew.

Obi-Wan glances at Yoda, who was looking a bit judgmental up to this point, only to find that the wizened Jedi is very close to smiling at the boy.

Well, Ezra is the only one who has yet been able to handle Yoda’s cooking, so it makes sense.

“I just don’t get it,” Luke says, slouching and picking at his food. “My father was married.”

“Anakin Skywalker…” Obi-Wan begins, trying to think of a delicate way to say this, then deciding there isn’t one. “…was terrible at following rules.”

“But he did it,” Luke insists.

Ezra pipes up around a mouthful of stew. “Yeah, well, your father also tried to kill all of us, so it’s understandable that Master Kenobi isn’t promoting him as a role model.”

Silence falls over the hut.

“Huh?” Luke asks.

Ezra wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “Uh, your dad tried to kill me? Vader?”

Luke looks confused. “Darth Vader? No, that’s not—you’re confused. My father is Anakin Skywalker.”

“Who is Darth Vader,” Ezra adds slowly. “You… you all know that, right?”

[noisettesgfandwifenojoke]

Count your days, loulou <3