#it's easy to single out a kid and put all the blame in the world on their back

[furiousgoldfish]

When abusive parents hurt you, they're not 'doing it for your own good' or 'disciplining you', they're singling you out and making you a target. Because they're not doing it to all other kids, they're not doing it to their guests, friends, coworkers, bosses, neighbours, it doesn't even count if all of those people make one of the same mistakes you do. It's allowed for them. It's okay if anyone else does it. It's okay if other people break things, or refuse to be controlled, or speak up, or demand something, or act selfish, or act childish, or don't cater endlessly, or don't guess their moods, or don't act submissive, it's okay for everyone else! Just not for you!

What exactly is that teaching you?

That you're different. That the brutal and torturous rules exist only for you. That you are the only one who deserves no allowances, no forgiveness, no gentleness, no tolerance, no nuance, no love. And you are the only one! Everyone else can get those things and do what they want, but you will get tortured for it, you'll get tortured even for things you didn't do, because these two people have singled you out and deserved that you're so rotten you deserve worse treatment than any other person alive. And those people are your parents, they made you.

It teaches you injustice, it teaches you to put yourself in a different category than anyone else in the world and to assume you must be so intrinsically different that you won't ever find community, you won't ever find somebody to be on your side or similar to you, because you are the only one who could ever deserve this kind of hatred. It separates you from humanity and makes you feel like you don't belong, like you don't have a home here, it makes you abandoned by everyone because nobody is stating anything different about you. With their silence, dismissal and neglect, everyone is passively agreeing that this is what you deserve. That it doesn't matter to them if you live in pain and despair because you're too different, too otherworldly for them to care about.

No child has deserved to feel like that. Nobody is supposed to be pushed into that pit of despair, injustice and pain, alone, with no visible way out. With nothing they can do to redeem themselves, to find a way to see themselves as human after all that's been done to them. This is not a pit that somebody can easily crawl out of, this is something that can follow you all your life.

All children deserve better than this. Never defend abusive parents when they do this to a child. If you don't want a child to believe themselves to be a monster, don't ignore when this is happening and don't act like it's none of anybody's business. It's all of our business to make sure no kid thinks this lowly of themselves, not even if their parents decide they should. Parents who do this to children should be charged with torture, isolation and psychological devastation of a human being. All children are human. And no child deserves that.

[barbiexgirl]

Anorexia is the patriarchy’s perfect way to make you lobotomize yourself.

It puts the blame on you, you’re weak for letting the standards break you and you’re doing it to yourself. No one forced you to starve right? Those beauty standards are coming back for a reason. If this is your first run with eating disorders let me tell you you’re just as lifeless as a woman who went through lobotomy. I wasn’t able to study, I lost all my friends and I wasn’t able to enjoy a single thing in life. I was full of rage and hatred towards the world and myself but nothing else.

I struggled my whole life, thanks to my mom I got the “Eastern European special” growing up. I developed anorexia when I was 11.

“I wish you had your dad’s blond hair and blue eyes like your sister. You should dye your hair. You look better than your other sister tho, she just looks too much like her dad. (She has a different dad.)”

“Your sister is so much taller than you.”

“I was only 45kgs when I was pregnant with you.”

“YOU BETTER EAT SOMETHING, WHAT ARE PEOPLE GOING TO SAY ABOUT ME IF YOU DIE YOU STUPID BITCH???”

Girlie even kept the receipts, and showed me that she really was that thin. She ate less than what a toddler needs her whole life, she wrecked her hormones and her body by the time she was 45 and let me tell you she didn’t stay beautiful. This “slavic doll” trend is disgusting and it actually ages you rapidly. Kids who follow this new pro ana content are obliviously just as troubled as I was but god you really don’t want to grow up with these standards. Not like patriarchy spares you but a mom like this is just an added bonus on the mental illness lottery. We did the same thing with kpop idols but they’re abused as well to look like that. Funny how the inspiration always comes from countries like South Korea or Eastern Europe where patriarchy is absolutely thriving.

It’s all fun and games until your hair is falling out in chunks or you’re still doing this at 25. Your body just doesn’t take it as easy at it used to. When I recovered this time stomach acid burnt my throat and my vocal cords when I started eating, I wasn’t able to talk for days.

Back when I was still in my teens I never understood why older women just “get ugly as time goes on” and I promised myself that I’d “never let myself go.” Now that I’ve been recovered for a few months again I see that they’re not getting ugly, they were never ugly. They just know something you don’t. That you are so much more than your beauty, “beauty” that’s not even real. It’s all photoshop and botox and plastic surgery. Your body’s main job is to keep you alive to be able to ACTUALLY LIVE YOUR LIFE. To eat healthy food, to have fun with your friends, to study, to be a smart woman who knows herself to the core and doesn’t let stupid ideas break her.

[clarissaweasley-10]

The Hawthorne Brothers

Nash Hawthorne who always hoped every single time that his mother would stay or take him with her until every drop of hope had been squeezed dry from him. Nash Hawthorne who knew everything but stayed quiet to protect his brothers because, they were all he had, and if not him, then who? Nash Hawthorne who would put away anything to help his brothers. Making Grayson understand that he can't be perfect all the time and he is just human. Motivating Jameson to become who he is, not Grayson's clone and he is perfect the way he is. Celebrating every new invention Xander makes and convince him that he's better than his haters. Nash Hawthorne who got crushed by the guilt of leaving his brothers behind. Nash Hawthorne who believes that no matter what he does, he'll never be worth loving.

Grayson Hawthorne who cried in Nash's arms almost every night when they were kids, because he thought that he was never enough, and the old man hated him. Grayson Hawthorne who wiped Jamie's tears every night after a nightmare because he knew that the old man wouldn't take it lightly if he saw Jamie crying and he just wanted to be there for his younger brother. Protect him. Because family first right? Grayson Hawthorne who secretly pretended to be always annoyed with Xander, but would beat the living daylights out of anyone who would bully his brothers or make him feel bad.

Jameson Hawthorne who hated himself so much that sometimes he couldnt even bear to look at himself. Jameson Hawthorne who was always the last to get approval. Jameson Hawthorne who believed that all he needed was success and he could live on adrenaline alone, because he couldn't do anything else. He was never good enough, too ordinary, too normal. Jameson Hawthorne who was forced to look at Grayson as an opponent and not just as his older brother. The older brother who once wiped away his tears at night, the older brother who still loved him. The older brother who he still loved. Jameson Hawthorne who tried to shield the world from him by simply destroying it.But he couldn't break, he just couldnt becuase then what will happen to his brothers? No matter what, he couldnt let Nash blame it all on himself and leave, Gray overwork himself to death or let Xander deal with all the mess. No he couldnt, he wont.

Xander Hawthorne who was always happy and easy going but how true is it really? Xander Hawthorne who hid behind his smile and laughter. Xander Hawthorne who laughed off every rude comment no matter how much it punched his inferiority complex. Xander Hawthorne who tried to always be happy no matter what because he just wanted to enjoy his life in whatever crazy way possible. Xander Hawthorne who cried to his pillow all alone because he didnt want to disturb his brothers as they had soo much more going on than him. Xander Hawthorne who was left feeling that no one wanted him as he was as replaceable as a battery. Xander Hawthorne who'd do anything to cheer up his brothers as he hated to see them so sad. Hated to see the defeated look on the faces of the three people who had stayed throughout his life. Had stayed for him, with him. Xander Hawthorne who wouldn't dwell on negativity or allow him to focus on his sadness because he had to stay strong, he couldn't let himself break. He had to take care of his brothers, pull them from their sadness. And if he himself was sad, then who will he do that?

[senawashere]

We're on this together. (Chapter I)

Bradley Bradshaw × Fem!Wife!Reader

Summary: Nobody warned you for how hard it is to become a mother,same for Bradley.

TW: infertility,mentions of miscarrige,mentions of hospital,mentions of getting pregnant,mentiones of ivf. Mostly angst.

Tears were streaming down your face,your hands were trembling. Searching for Bradley's number in your contact list has never been this difficult.

Your fingers slid across parts of the screen you didn't want to touch, making your frustration even worse.

The phone line rang at a deafening volume. Once, twice, three times until it goes to voicemail.

His stupid voicemail.

"Hi,its me Bradley. Please drop your message!"

Taking this as a sign, you chose not to try again.

After all, talking to Bradley about it right now would only make him worry for nothing, considering he was busy on deployment and miles away from you. He was about to return this week.

It wasn't something he could solve. Maybe it was but not right now.

Within a few minutes your phone rang. As his name popped up on the screen, a heart emoji next to it and his photo of him grinning stupidly, you felt terrible for doing this to him.

Not only did you let down your own dreams, you were about to let down his too.

You replied, remaining silent. You expected your voice to sound like a lump in your throat.

"Baby, are you there? I couldn't get to the phone in time at first."

You were motionless, your lack of words showed him that. "I'm fine", giving yourself some time, you suddenly started to feel everything you didn't feel until you got home.

"I was at the doctor's today."

"Why are you talking like it's the end of the world? Are you okay?"

Throughout his breathing, it was easy to imagine him even stopping whatever he was doing to pay better attention to you; Not because it wasn't there before. You should have called Penny or someone, they would know how to take care of you.

"Wait, is it about babies? Tell me you're joking," he finished with a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. You could imagine and hear it perfectly.

In the past, when you received good news, you would pretend that something bad was coming, now it's just another thing you regret doing.

You were selfish for talking to him, he was so far away; You could talk to him about it when he got home.

Talking and doing this and that now would cause him more anxiety than he ever had in his hectic daily tour life. Still, he was the only one you needed.

"No, quite the opposite."

The call suffered a long pause, filled with his deep sighs and persistent tears streaming down his cheeks.

You didn't let a single tear fall until you got home, but did you verbalize it? Putting it into words made things different; it felt more real.

"Fuck," he mumbled, clearly a little out of place.

“I can't have kids, Bradley,” your words were interrupted by the growl you were trying to hold back.

He could tell when you were talking to him that everything hit you at once. Over the years, he was able to recognize even small details.

''I'm the reason we tried and it never worked. I cursed it."

"No, baby," he took a deep breath. "Please don't blame yourself. You know it's not your fault." You ran your fingers desperately through your hair; This is what it must be like to feel useless on the phone. Just what you imagined before you made the call. It was bad to announce this to him. "Are you alone? I can ask someone to check on you. They’ll do that, okay?

“Please,” You didn't want to spend the rest of the day by yourself. Also, even though you didn't want to talk to anyone but Bradley, you knew Penny would understand you better, she knew how to make you feel less bad, it would be nice to be around her. And once she mentioned she went through something like that so maybe she would understand you.

Being alone with your harsh thoughts will not be a good option anyway. "I thought about calling her, but I finally gave up, I didn't know what to do, I still don't. Calling you still doesn't seem like a good idea, but I didn't know what to do."

Your weak voice was killing Bradley. If it made him sad to hear that, he couldn't imagine what it was like for you.

"You did great, baby, this is a tough situation but we're on this journey together. You can ask for anything baby, remember?" He smiled, a muffled smile came over the line; It made you feel a little better.

"We can still have children, you know that."

You wanted to tell him that what works for others may not work for you, that your condition may not be that malleable because your condition is genetic. Still, you didn't know if they were true or not, all your thoughts might just be the result of your momentary frustration, but they might also be true.

You need to talk to Bradley about this, everything that's going on in his mind. You didn't want to do this over the phone anymore.

“We can try,” you sniffled, still avoiding the tears you didn't even know were falling. "We can try." You repeated, trying to convince yourself.

"Talk to me, baby. Try to distract yourself a bit, huh? Please. Do you want me to turn the call off? Maybe you can take a long bath with your favorite bubbles or eat something different. That might help."

Even though it sounded wrong, his desperation to help you was adorable. Talking to him made everything perfect, his voice was soothing, you could hear him talking for hours. Now it was no different.

“I just want to hear your voice,” you said, lying on the cold floor of the main room. It would be nice to sleep. It seemed reasonable to forget the previous hours for a few minutes. "You are busy?"

"Not exactly."

"Then tell me how the mission went."

His voice sounded flatter and softer, you could imagine how uneasy he was even from the phone, it was possible to imagine him striding around the room with the phone in his hand. He talked about the mission details the night before. The contrast of how you described your previous day with what happened at the right moment was painful, happy and suddenly you were breaking it.

Everyone knew that Bradley dreamed of having kids, that kids were running around the house and so were you, you wanted to have kids with him even more but with you he would never have one.

"Can I say something?" You asked, taking a deep breath,cutting through his words. "I love you,I love you so much."

Everything was unfair, you both tried so hard. He, too, had become weak from trying, just like you.

"I love you too, baby. This," you could see him in your mind, pausing and gesturing with his hands, "this won't change anything,okay? I still love you so much as the day i fell in love with you."

"We are on this journey together."

"We are on this journey together.”

—-----

Your body trembled.

A cold hand was wandering around your waist as you slowly opened your eyes, feeling a ridiculous headache fill your vision. Your eyes found Bradley crouched on the ground in front of you, and he looked good compared to you. His eye bags were not purple from the 4 hour sleep he was getting,or his hair wasn't messy after the cold,rainy and windy weather out there.

"What are you doing here?" You frowned. Bradley chuckled as you laid your head down once the headache made you feel like you were going to throw up. He could answer your question but you were flattered, he wouldn't think you noticed he was there because he knew you needed him.

So he ignored it, helping you get up.

"Come on, get up. It's cold on the floor, I'll put you to bed." He tried to get you to stand up for him - he failed; but you shifted your weight onto his body, wrapping your arms around his neck, which he found worriedly cute.

“I need you,” you whispered, drunk and sleepy, burying your face in his coat. Let its scent warm you. He smelled amazing.

It was a relief to hear him say that. He didn't want to get into an argument about how it would affect his job in the near future, as you had fought before for the same reason. "I know my baby." He kissed your hair, hugged your waist, and carried you to your room. “She wants to lay down with me.”

He laid you down on the bed, doing the same as he lay on your side, face up and facing the white ceiling.

They both knew it was necessary to speak, but neither knew who should speak first or what they should speak about.

You ran your fingers over his stomach, placing your palm under his shirt, warming his cold hand with your body. You moved closer to his body, nestling into his side as he wrapped his arm around you.

"Tell me, what's on your mind?" He said without looking directly at you.

"There's a lot", your mere words made his throat dry. “It's weird knowing your body can't do what it's supposed to do, especially when you want it to,” you gasped through sobs, his grip pulling you closer to his chest for comfort. "I'm afraid you'll stay with me and a few years from now you'll realize you made the wrong choice." These words hurt him. It hurt him so much to see you blaming yourself.

He hugged you even tighter and asked you to look at him. "I'm not going to leave you, okay? I'm in love with you. That won't change, and it's not your fault. We can try IVF as if it will work, and it's worked for a few people, and we'll have a happy and healthy baby. We have the money for it. If the money I make as a pilot isn't enough, i can even find a part-time job. I can enter just for you, I'm married to you and I love you so much, why should I leave you?"

There were tears in your eyes and you hoped he was right. "What if it doesn't work? If my body miscarries? If we try and never succeed? I don't know if I'm ready to try again-"

Before you finished your sentence, he grabbed your cheek and gave you a messy kiss. He was far from okay, he was desperate, you didn't know how to decipher whether he was trying to silence you or show his emotions. The salty taste of your tears accompanied by the burning in his throat didn't help at all.

You put your hand on his chest and stop him. He was in distress, he probably wanted to stop you with a waterfall of negative thoughts but he didn't know how.

“I don't want to try, I just don't know what to do yet, and it's killing me right now.��� You were complaining.

He kissed your forehead and let you lie down.

"We will find a way. It's still new, we can think better or find other ways. Adoption is also a good option, but of course if everything happens at the right time."

You stayed silent for a while, imagining a parallel where Bradley was right and things worked out. Although you were still not convinced by this, you agreed with him. After all, there would be no other way, and you still wanted to have children.

“Adoption sounds good,” you mumbled against his chest. You hadn't thought about it yet, it hadn't even crossed your mind. “There is no risk and there is no way we can go wrong.”

You felt relieved that he was there for you, guiding you to feel better about this.

"You see?" he asked with what looked like a weak smile. "We'll find a way because I don't plan on having kids with anyone but you, so it has to be with you. Whether you like it or not." He joked, drawing a smile from you as he touched your nose with a wet kiss.

It was incredible how he managed to make even the most difficult moments seem lighter.

"Good, because I still want to have your stupid kids.”

I'm tagging people who might be interested:@ohtobeleah @sebsxphia @callsigns-haze @sorchathered @greenorangevioletgrass @teacupsandtopgun @roosterforme @floydsglasses @lyn-js @bradshawssugarbaby @torchflies @its-dee-lovely @its-the-pilot @friedchips94 @bradshawsbaby @hardballoonlove @perfectprettypisces @topguncortez @hangmanapologist @bradshawsbaddie @shanimallina87 @djs8891 @themusingofagothicsoul @promisingyounglady @the-romanian-is-bae @mamachasesmayhem @jessicab1991 @iefitzgerald-blog @charcole-grey @waterriseslew @desert-fern @promisingyounglady @lewmagoo and if you are not comfortable please tell me!!

REBLOGS,LIKES AND COMMENTS ARE HIGLY APPERICATED🤍🤍🤍

[its-vannah]

Girl, Put Your Records On | Eddie Roundtree x Reader

A/N: I haven't seen any fics with him, so I had to make one. I love his character so much.

Blurb: Being the daughter of a music producer has its perks, and one of those is meeting Daisy Jones and The Six's Eddie Roundtree.

Warnings: Just fluff and a hit of angst, implied intercourse (no detail)

Daisy Jones and The Six Masterlist

Being the daughter of a music producer had it's perks. For starters, you were able to listen to new albums and singles before anyone else. While the rest of the world waited for upcoming releases, you were already taking the record out of its sleeve and putting it on the phonograph.

Not to mention all the artists and bands you were able to meet. Your father was constantly popping open a bottle of champagne to celebrate his clients to celebrate their upcoming albums and tours.

Although you were too young to drink yourself, it was nice to feel included. Being there with your father, surrounded by new and interesting people with dozens of stories to share.

But being the daughter of a music producer has its downsides, too. On the smaller scale, sometimes your favorite songs wouldn't make the cut. When you were younger, it hit harder. But as you got older, you just accepted it and moved on.

That wasn't the only down that the role came with, however. You were a young, beautiful, kind girl with a heart of gold and a lot of love to give. Not many men in the industry had any problem taking advantage of that.

There was a thrill to it, for them. Sneaking around with their producer's daughter with the possibility of getting caught at any moment. You were sixteen when you had your first love. He told you all the right things, did all the right things. But the night before he left, he tried to convince you to "live in the moment" while leading you to his van.

It didn't take long for you to realize what was happening, so you freed yourself from his grasp, shoving him back and walking back inside your home.

He was too old for you, anyway. He was twenty, and you were still a kid. It wasn't right, but it was the seventies and he was gaining popularity. It didn't matter what he did, he had every girl in America wrapped around his finger. You, however, had made the choice not to be one of them.

A few years later, when you were nineteen, an up and coming group walked inside your father's studio. He was hesitant about letting them record, but he trusted Teddy and gave them a shot, alllowing you to sit inside the sound booth to hear them play.

You could see the nervousness written all over their faces as they got ready to play. They wanted to impress Teddy, and you didn't blame them. He wasn't easy to read.

Reclining in your seat beside Marcus, who gradually increased the volume on the lead vocalist and lowered the sound of the guitars, you smiled as you listened to them play.

By the end of their demo, you were on the edge of your seat waiting to find out whether or not they'd get an offer.

While Teddy went to discuss it with your father, you stepped out of the sound booth and made your way towards the group.

Smiling, you held out a hand to the only woman, who was closest to you when you walked in, introducing yourself, "Hey, I'm Y/N."

Karen gave you a gentle smile, shaking your hand, "Nice to meet you, I'm Karen."

The drummer, who was fiddling with his drum sticks, hollered over her, "That's Karen Karen."

Raising a brow, you couldn't help but release a small laugh, "Karen Karen?"

The blonde shot him a look, "Fuck off, Warren."

Warren grinned, nodding his head as a way of greeting you.

Beside him, the lead vocalist looked over at you, "Is there something you need, Samantha?"

"It's Y/N," You corrected, "And I just wanted to say I like your sound. It's different. I think you guys have a good chance of getting a deal."

One of the guitarists, the one with curly hair who had been ogling Karen for the past half hour, smiled up at you from his seat on the amp, "Thank you, Y/N. Our main focus is creating music that people l-"

"For the love of God, Graham, shut up," The vocalist grumbled, turning back towards you, "Look, it's nice to meet you, but we're a bit busy here."

Graham held his hands up in surrender, returning to fiddling with his guitar, mouthing "sorry" to you.

The fifth member of the group, who had been nervously tapping his foot flashed his bandmate an irritated look, "C'mon, Billy, she's just being nice. At least people actually like our music."

"Eddie, all I'm saying is that we need to spend less time socializing and more time figuring out what we do if we don't get this deal."

On that note, you cleared your throat, "You'll get the deal."

Simultaneously, Eddie and Billy spoke over one another, the former asking if you really thought so and the latter asking how in the hell you knew.

"I know Mr. L/N well, and so does Teddy. Look, the last few bands Teddy has invested in haven't been doing too great. But I really think you guys have a chance. I know you guys do."

Eddie gave you a lopsided smile, "They liked us in Pittsburgh, I don't see how this is any different."

Billy glared back at him, "If you'll excuse us, I think we have a few things to discuss."

Nodding, you turned to exit, giving the band one last smile. But before you could step out the door, Teddy came back in with your father in tow.

Teddy looked at the band, "We're giving you a shot, don't blow it."

The band, who Teddy had earlier referred to as The Six, erupted in smiles, hugging each other and patting one another on the back.

Your dad wrapped an arm around you, addressing the band, "I see you've met my daughter?"

Billy's eyes widened a bit. He thought you were just some random kid. But you had been in the sound booth, he should've known better.

Warren, who was very obviously high, nodded, "Yeah, she's hot."

Wincing, Karen glared at him, "She's been very kind, Mr. L/N."

Your dad eyed Warren, kissing you on the head before congratulating the band one last time, kissing you on the forehead, and walking back to his office.

Once he was out of sight, Eddie took one of Warren's drumsticks out of his hands and smacked him on the head with it, muttering, "Dumbass, that was her dad."

The drummer's mouth formed an "O", "You think he knows?"

"Jesus Christ, Warren," Karen said, shaking her head before turning to Billy, "And you, you need to get the stick out of your ass."

A look of pride settled on Eddie's face. You could tell the two of them didn't see eye to eye just from the small interactions you had with them.

Moving towards the exit, you waved them goodbye, "I'll see you guys around."

Warren and Graham waved happily, Karen and Billy nodded, and Eddie tilt his head to the side with a smile.

Once you were out of earshot, Karen looked back at Eddie, "Jealous, are you, Roundtree?"

"Piss off, Karen."

Warren looked between the two of them, connecting the dots, "Psst, Karen, I think he's jealous."

Rolling her eyes, she flashed him an irritated smile, "Yeah, I figured that out, thanks."

------------------------------------------------------------

Billy: As soon as we got the news and packed up, I ran to the nearest phone to tell Camila. She had always believed in us, and now everything was falling into place.

Karen: I think I went back and got drunk in my room afterwards. We may have gone out to eat, I don't remember. We had been living gig to gig, I was just happy to have an income.

Camila: It was the first time in a while that Billy really seemed happy with how the band was going. He had always believed in it, but I really think it helped him to see that everything was coming into place. That we wouldn't be living in a shack forever.

Warren: I don't even remember being in the studio. I was in my twenties, I was doing anything I could get my hands on. Drugs, alcohol, women. I was just along for the ride.

Karen: I could still kill Warren for telling the producer's daughter, Y/N, that she was hot in front of her dad.

Warren: We all thought it. Especially Eddie. I was just the one who said it.

Eddie: There was something about Y/N that was different. She wasn't just a newfound fan, she believed in us from the start. She and Camila were the first people to have our record in their hands. As for Warren's comment to her dad... She was beautiful, still is, I just think he could've handled it better. A lot better. By not saying anything.

Graham: It was nice to know that someone outside of the band and Teddy believed in us. Moving out to LA meant that we were starting over. In Pittsburgh, nearly the whole city had heard of us. At least, the people our age.

Eddie: That day was a turning point for the band.

Camila: There was no going back after that. They started recording and within a month, they were on their first tour.

------------------------------------------------------------

You came to every recording session The Six had, excitedly listening to their songs and giving input. You studied the way Marcus moved the volume and reverb, making a mental note of it. What he did had always fascinated you, and he was willing to teach you. It was one of the perks of being F/N L/N's daughter. People bent over bsckwards to make you happy.

Over the course of their time recording, you went out for drinks a few times with them.

You met Camila, who you adored, and quickly became friends with. You wouldn't have changed any of it for the world.

Well, except one thing.

From the moment you met Eddie Roundtree, your heart hadn't stopped fluttering, skipping a beat every time he walked into the room.

Warren constantly teased the two of you about it, suggesting different ways to release the tension between the two of you.

Karen kicked him under the table, giving him a look that sent fear down his spine.

It made the moment awkward for a minute, but the band could sense it was bound to happen.

Eddie was used to being pushed around by Billy, who was by far the most popular and well-known member of The Six. But for once, he was first place. With you.

The two of you often nursed a glass of champagne, talking to one another at the bar while Graham attempted to flirt with Karen, who wound up finding another guy to hook up with, and Warren fell into a crowd of women.

He took a sip, looking down at you, "What's it like, getting to hear new music before anyone else? Not just ours, but in general."

"It's incredible. Don't get me wrong, being in the studio so much has its ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. There's nothing else I can imagine myself doing. That's why I want to work in the sound booth."

"You do?"

"Yeah, Marcus offered to teach me a while back. I just wanted to wait until you guys went on tour. I just want to focus on The Six, just taking it all in."

Eddie bit his bottom lip, "So... You and Marcus...?"

You shook your head, "Are friends. My mother is friends with his. We grew up together, he's just a few years older. He's protective, like how I imagine an older brother would be."

He nodded, "So, are you seeing anyone?"

"No," You let out a shaky breath, not meeting his eyes, "Are you?"

"No, are—I already asked you that," He said nervously, swirling his glass in his hand, "Do you... Have an interest in... You know, seeing anyone?"

"It depends on who it is," You said, heat rising to your cheeks, "And you? Anyone on your mind?"

He set down his glass, looking at you, "There is."

Meeting his eyes, you turned your back to the counter, leaning on it for support, "What's she like?"

"You have a mirror?"

You burst out laughing, "Is that your best line, Eddie? C'mon, you can do better than that."

He put his head in his hands, embarrassed.

Pressing a hand to his back, you used your other to pry his head away from his hands, "Don't worry, you can make it up to me."

Raising a brow, he tilted his head, "And how can I do that?"

"Pick me up on Friday at six."

"That's the day before tour starts."

"I know."

He nodded, "Wear something nice."

"Don't I always," You tease, stumbling into his chest.

He lifted the glass from your hands, "You know what I mean. I do, however, think you've had enough of this. C'mon, I'll drive you home"

------------------------------------------------------------

Warren: I was so happy to see Eddie leaving with Y/N. He was growing up, leaving the nest. It was about time he got laid.

Eddie: I drove her home. She had driven herself, but I was worried with her having three glasses. Truthfully, I just wanted to see her get home safe. And she did. I dropped her off at her door, walked her up, and waited until she got inside before I left. Once I got back in the car, it hit me—I had a date with Y/N.

Karen: I think he was more excited about the date than the record deal.

Eddie: It had just been a big few months. Moving to LA, getting a deal, meeting Y/N. Things were finally going my way.

------------------------------------------------------------

Eddie: Long distance relationships weren't easy by any means. I was the one who had to call, since we were constantly moving around. It strained us a bit, but she was able to go to a few of our concerts and I got to see her, take her out a few times.

Karen: Y/N visited us while we were in the northeastern part of the states. She stayed with us for a week and a half. And I never got any damn sleep while she was with Eddie. They could've been quieter, but I guess it was young love.

Eddie: She had her own hotel room during her time staying with us. Her dad set it up. We'd just stay in mine talking to one another.

Warren: Eddie swore nothing happened in his hotel room when he was alone with her, but I was on the other side of the wall. Look, I was pretty high, but it'd be hard to forget that. I may have been the one to call her hot, but he was the one that took it three, four steps further. Good for him, though.

Eddie: It was only when we got back from the tour that things started to go downhill with me and Y/N.

Camila: After I gave birth to Julia, Billy checked into Rehab. I was on my own for a while. But when the band came back, they were there to help me. Julia enjoyed time with Uncle Graham and Eddie, and Y/N whenever she was off work.

Graham: Eddie and I were there a few times a week just helping out and checking in on Camila and Julia. I loved that kid more than anything. We'd just sit out in the grass and I'd sing to her.

Eddie: Camila needed all the help she could get, especially with Billy not being there. Not that he would've done much anyway, to be honest. I tried to be there for her and Julia in any way I could. I didn't realize that it would tear Y/N and I apart.

------------------------------------------------------------

"Eddie, I barely ever get to see you. Can't you go one day without seeing Camila and Julia? You can stay with me. It's better than that shack."

"That shack is my home, whether it's shit or not, Y/N," He grumbled, "Camila needs all the help she can get with Julia. She's only a few months old."

"Her mother is with her, Eddie. She's got her mom, Graham, the whole band really. It's not that I don't want you to be with them, I just want to see you. I never get to see you."

Eddie sighed, "Y/N, they mean everything to me."

"They're your bandmates, I get it, I just—"

"Y/N..."

It was written all over his face. He wasn't just talking about The Six.

------------------------------------------------------------

Karen: We'd all known, except for maybe Billy and Camila, that Eddie was in love with Camila. We just thought that he had put those feelings aside when he met Y/N.

Warren: Out of all the girls Eddie had dated, which hadn't been much, she was my favorite. She was fun, she kept up with us, she was passionate about music and the band. When they broke up, I nearly snapped the guys neck. And I'm not a violent guy. She just deserved better than whatever the hell that was.

Eddie: Camila and Billy were married. I would never have come in the way of that. At the same time, it wasn't fair to Y/N. I loved her with my whole being, but I still had some unresolved feelings for Camila that started stiring when Billy was gone. It's wrong, and I know that, but it wasn't fair.

Graham: Eddie was an idiot for what happened. I remember when he came back from their first date. He swore up and down that they'd get married one day.

------------------------------------------------------------

When the band broke up, everyone went their separate ways. Karen continued touring, this time without Daisy and The Six. Warren got married and started working on boats, which became a passion for him. Billy stepped away from music and settled into life with Camila and his daughters and Graham continued working in the music industry, starting his own family. Daisy recovered from her addictions, and wound up adopting kids of her own.

These all took years to play out. But not for Eddie.

As soon as the band was over with, the first thing he did was buy a ticket to LA and knock on Y/N's door.

He explained everything and told her he loved her, he always had.

------------------------------------------------------------

Y/N Roundtree: Eddie proposed to me the night he showed up on my doorstep. He told me he couldn't imagine a life without me. I was touched.

Eddie: But she said no.

Y/N: I loved him, but I told him it would take time. We still had so much we didn't know about each other. It had been ages since I had seen him. I didn't even know that the Six had split up until he told me. He was back in LA that fast after the split.

Eddie: We did get to know each other, though. And I proposed almost a year later. We got married a few months after that. And the rest is history.

Y/N: It was a quiet ceremony. Eddie didn't want Billy there, and thought it may be a bit off putting for me to have Camila there. But I knew how much he cared about her and the girls, so we extended an invite.

Camila: Billy and Eddie never really saw eye to eye, and with Billy finally getting comfortable with family life, I didn't think it would be good to thrust him back into that.

Eddie: Y/N was a little upset they chose not to come, but understood. If you invite half a family, it doesn't exactly work.

Billy: I was surprised Eddie found the balls to get married.

Y/N: It wound up just being Eddie's immediate family, mine, Marcus, Warren, and Graham. Daisy showed up a few days earlier to congratulate us on our wedding, bringing a guitar with her as a gift. She just didn't think being back in that environment would be good for her. There would be too many questions.

Daisy: Just because the band was over doesn't mean the music couldn't continue. Eddie was a good guitarist and Y/N knew everything about managing sound and rhythms, so I figured it was an appropriate gift. I was really happy for them.

Eddie: Karen was touring at the time and wasn't able to make it, but she visited once the tour was over and stayed a few days.

Y/N: I preferred having a smaller wedding, with the people we knew the most.

Warren: They had great alcohol. I wasn't high during the reception, so I was actually able to enjoy it. I even met my wife there.

Graham: It made me long for a relationship, honestly. But it also made me realize I need to focus on myself first. I didn't want to just settle to settle.

Y/N: Our son was born a year and a half after we got married and music was automatically a big part of his life. He'd sit on Eddie's lap at not even a year old while Ed played the guitar. I still have pictures of them back then on the mantle.

Grant Roundtree, Eddie and Y/N's oldest son: I remember when I decided I wanted to pursue music. Dad sat me down and explained what happens when you achieve fame and how to handle it. Mom told me that I needed to take it one step at a time and really enjoy my childhood.

Farrah Roundtree, Eddie and Y/N's daughter: Grant never stopped playing that damn guitar mom gave him.

Grant: Sometimes I played just to drive Farrah and Eli crazy. I never stopped.

Eli Roundtree, Eddie and Y/N's youngest son: I wanted to be just like Grant when I was younger. He was my cooler, older brother. He even taught me how to play the guitar and I could carry a tune, but my stage fright got in the way of anything beyond that.

Eddie: Grant went into the music field, Farrah pursued modeling and is now acting, and Eli is just now graduating from high school, planning to attend college this fall.

Y/N: I'll always be grateful for Daisy Jones and The Six, but I've got to be honest—I'm even happier it ended when it did.

Eddie: Everything happens for a reason, and for me, it couldn't have ended at a better time.

[steddie-island]

For A Good Cause

@steddiemas day 19: Steddie as parents | WC: 1562 | Rating: G Read full list of tags on ao3

It’s for a good cause. It’s for a good cause. Do it for Claudia, it’s for a good cause.

Eddie had been repeating that to himself for two weeks. It was the only thing that got him through not only wearing the stifling red suit and beard but through the parade of kids. Sure, some were well-behaved, but then some were throwing a tantrum and others were terrified– he blamed it on the beard and not on the ring through Santa’s nose.

He was starting to question whether this was worth making Claudia happy, though, as he took a break to untangle a candy cane from his beard– and not for the first time. “They’ll never end, man. One wave leaves, another comes through five minutes later.” Jeff adjusted his prosthetic elf ears and put his hands on his hips. “Why are we doing this again?” “‘Cause Claudia asked us to and we can’t tell her no.” Eddie adjusted the fake belly beneath his shirt. “Because she’s a fucking angel who cooks for us.” Gareth kicked his legs where he sat perched up on the counter. “You mean you can’t tell Claudia no, and you asked us and we can’t tell you no.” Eddie grabbed scissors to cut the piece of candy cane out– he would just have to style around it, there was no untangling the sticky mess from whatever material the beard was made from. “Because you know I’ll kill you,” he said, grinning. 

Gareth flipped him off. “C’mon, Santa. Your adoring crowd awaits.”

The day only got worse from there. A set of twins threw a fit as their parents made them both see Santa at the same time– Eddie still wasn’t sure if they were mad that they didn’t each get their own turn or if they didn’t want to be there at all. Another kid pulled his beard down to reveal the fact that he wasn’t really Santa, which sent the next several kids in line into meltdowns that Eddie had to try to fix. 

With how busy they were the day should have passed by in a blur, but each kid just seemed to make the seconds drag out longer and longer. When they finally got through the last kid in line, Eddie was sticky and tired and beyond ready to go home. “That’s a wrap, folks,” he said as he stood and flipped the sign around to read “Santa is out” in Christmas red glitter. “Thank god.” Jeff shook his head and moved to remove his ears. “This was the longest fucking day of my life.” “Of your life? Did you have any kids sneeze directly on you?” Eddie asked. “No, I don’t think so. You had it easy. But now we can kick back, relax, and–” “Wait!” Eddie looked towards the voice and groaned softly. A man with chestnut hair was practically sprinting across the mall with a puffy pink bundle in his arms. “Wait, don’t leave–” “Oh, shit.” Jeff snapped his ears back into place as the man got closer. “Listen, buddy, Santa’s already out for the night, you’ll have to come back.” “Please, we’ve been to three other stores and all of the Santas were gone for the night,” he begged. “I promised that we would get to see Santa today. You wouldn’t make me break my promise to a kid, right?” Eddie had to give it to the guy, he knew how to play on the heartstrings. He turned with a sigh and stopped– he hadn’t been able to tell from far away, but the man was fucking beautiful. He had beautiful golden skin dotted with moles that Eddie found himself very much wanting to map like goddamn constellations, the warmest brown eyes made even bigger by the round frame glasses. 

The guy was talking to him. Eddie could see those beautiful lips moving, the guy was looking at him, clearly he was addressing Eddie, who had been so busy staring that he hadn’t processed a single goddamn word in at least the last thirty seconds. “Huh?” he asked. The man smiled a little and gestured to the pink bundle– which had moved and pushed her hood down, revealing those same wide eyes, looking at him with all the hope in the world. “Think you can squeeze one more kid in? I would owe you big time…” God, that crooked smile was like a punch to Eddie’s stomach. He would burn the mall down if he could get another smile like that. Eddie adjusted his hat, turned on his heel, and walked back to the throne. “What kind of Santa would I be if I said no to a request like that? Let them through!” Gareth watched Eddie with confusion and then delight. “Right this way!” he said, and he moved the velvet rope so the little girl could be carried through. 

Her big eyes glowed with wonder as she took in the glittering piles of snow and the decorated trees that were set up behind the throne. “Daddy, so p’etty,” she said. Her gloved hands, which had been clinging to her dad’s shirt, loosened up, and she began squirming in his arms. “Down, Daddy, I wanna see Santa!” “Okay, okay!” He laughed and put her down, so she could do the toddler run the rest of the way to the chair. “Hello, little girl!” Eddie said with his big, booming Santa voice as he helped her up onto his lap. “I’m so glad you made it! I was waiting around just for you!” “You were?” she asked, awed – though her r made more of a w sound. “Yous not the weal Santa, how did you know?” “You bet I was!” Eddie smiled at her, then up at her dad. “Has your dad here explained how mall Santas work?” When she nodded her head, making her little pigtails bounce, he smiled all the wider. “Then you know I’m not the real Santa, but I work for the real Santa. And he told me that a pretty little girl and her handsome daddy were going to be a little late, but that I needed to stick around because that little girl is on the nice list.” She gasped. “I am?” “What’s your name?” Eddie asked her. “Ashwey Hawwington,” she said. “And hims my daddy, Steve.” It sounded more like Steef, the way she said it. “Then yes, I was waiting for you!” Eddie booped her nose with his finger, making her giggle. “The real Santa told me that you’ve been a very good girl this year. Is he right?” “Yes!” Ashley nodded enthusiastically. “I was vewy good.” “Is that right, dad?” Eddie turned to Steve, who looked like he was ready to melt as he watched them. “Yeah.” Steve rested his hands on his hips and gave a warm smile. “She’s been a really good girl this year.” 

“See? I towd you.” Ashley wiggled excitedly. “So Santa’s gonna bwing me a pwesent?” she asked. “It sounds like it!” Eddie smiled at her. “Why don’t you tell me what you want, and I’ll make sure Santa knows about it?”

Her face lit up and she clapped her hands. “I want a kitty!” “A kitty?” Eddie looked towards Steve again for a moment. “Have you been good enough to get a kitty?” “Yeah!” she said. “I only weaved my toys out a few times, an I didn’t cwy when Daddy taked me to school. I was good!” Eddie and Steve laughed together at her insistence. “We’ll make sure Santa knows, okay?” 

“Okay.” She hugged him tight, then made to wriggle out of his arms. “Wait– don’t you have something to say to Santa?” Steve asked. “And don’t you want a picture?” “Oh yeah!” Ashley grinned wide at where Jeff held the camera. Eddie wasn’t sure what was more precious, the gap on the bottom row of her teeth, the way her parka absolutely swallowed her up, or the way Steve watched her with clear adoration on his face. 

Picture taken and candy cane given, Ashley hugged Eddie and gave a rushed “thank you!” before running back to her daddy. Steve scooped her up and smiled at Eddie again. ��Uh– thanks. You made her night,” he said. “I was happy to do it.” Eddie smiled at her as she tore into the candy cane wrapper. “It’s not often I get a direct request like that from the big guy up north.” 

Steve grinned and adjusted his grip on Ashley. “I guess me and the big guy both owe you one.” He reached out, offering Eddie his hand to shake. “Maybe I can make it up to you sometime.” Eddie gave his hand a quick shake, and when the handshake broke he was left with a scrap of paper in his palm. “See you around, Santa.” Steve winked, turned, and made his way towards the mall entrance. Eddie was so busy watching Steve leave (and, frankly, having thoughts that would get him put on the naughty list) that he nearly forgot about the paper. When he unfolded it, there was a phone number and Steve. It had clearly been written hastily– Eddie wasn’t even sure when he’d stopped watching Ashley long enough to write it at all. 

“What’s that?” Jeff asked. Eddie tucked the slip of paper away and headed for the backroom. “My Christmas bonus.” 

Dividers and banner by @cafekitsune ���️

[caramel-covered-apples]

politics vs. genocide

this is what they want us to believe when we think of the palestinian genocide. they want us to believe that this is a debate or conflict among individuals or parties having or hoping to achieve power. they want us to believe that this is a governmental activity.

no. this is not a conflict, not a war, not a debate, not something to keep quiet on because it’s “too political.” this is not political. this is the ethnic cleansing of millions of people. this is the slaughtering of women, men, children, elderly, pets, loved ones, friends, family.

this is not a conflict. why? because it has escalated. a conflict is defined as such:

this is not a serious disagreement or argument. this is not a simple argument that can be resolved with an easy solution. this is not something to be stuffed into a singular word with only two definitions when people’s lives are at stake every single day, every hour, every minute, every second.

a child in gaza dies every 10 minutes.

put that into perspective. most households have 3-9 people, depending on where you live, and 2-5 of those people are kids.

say you’re doing the laundry. 10 minutes pass, and then one of those kids dies.

20 minutes pass. the neighbor’s kid dies.

30 minutes pass. the kid you saw at the store the other day who wouldn’t stop crying dies.

everyday people with everyday lives and dreams that you won’t remember, and I’m not blaming you. they’re just background noise, and why would you wanna remember the kid that wouldn’t stop screaming about his toy that fell on the ground?

but they are children, regardless. they could’ve had the chance to live, to grow, to learn, no matter how forgettable they are, and they didn’t.

there are 1,440 minutes in a day.

divide that by ten.

144 children in gaza, some just turning one, some barely out of the womb, some nearing adulthood, some just breaking into their teenage years.

144 children in gaza, who perish at the hands of israel.

this is not a war, either. why? because a war means both sides are fighting against each other. palestine is not fighting back in the sense that they are fighting with an army, because that has been revoked. (this is not to say palestine isn't fighting back, it's just that their means of defense has been stripped away)

this is a war. armed conflict. palestine is not armed. palestine is helpless while bombs are being dropped on innocent people.

do you see palestine on the front lines? no, you don't, because everything has been taken from them - electricity, water, medical aid, a military, their land - while israel has bombs and fundings from the usa and other countries. israel has an army. israel has hospitals that aren't reduced to rubble because of airstrikes. israel has clean water that people can drink from freely. israel has warm places to stay and safe places to sleep.

palestine doesn't.

this is not a debate.

a debate is defined as such:

this is not formal. this is not something to be discussed. it is facts.

palestine is under attack.

palestine is currently having bombs dropped on them.

we cannot debate this simply because there is nothing to debate about. zionists can pull the antisemitic card all they'd like and word the narrative differently so it's in their favor, but facts are facts. no matter how hard the damn pill is to swallow, you've got to take it or else you fall into sickness.

if you don't swallow the "speak-now-for-palestine" pill or the "genocide-isn't-political-it's-slaughter" pill, you fall into the sickness of complicity.

you comply with what they want. they want you to be silent. it gives them more support. they don't want you to speak. they want you to be obedient. they want you to live your consumeristic lives and wonder about whether you should buy an apple or a samsung instead of donating to families who need it more than you. they want you to remain focused on your first-world problems. they don't want you to look outward.

speak up for palestine, or you risk being on the wrong side of history. of things that will be in your children's textbooks and of their children and of their children.

[vrisrezis]

Hey gojo x reader……… question mark?

I’m alive, so stop messaging me.

Satoru pouts as he reads your message.

It’s not like him to worry, the guy barely has any care in the world and he doesn’t think he’s exactly wrong for that. He’s one of the strongest men in the world, he’s gorgeous, he has a great best friend, and has a flirty personality that makes anyone fall for him. He has everything going right in his life.

All except for you.

You’re the one thing in his life that doesn’t seem to work in his favor. The guy has liked you for years at this point, and he couldn’t be more obvious to the fact he likes you, but you pay him absolutely no mind. Whenever he asks you what kinda guys your into, you mention Beyoncé. First of all, that’s not even a guy. You’re completely dodging his question!

And that’s how it is most of the time. You either pay no attention to him or refuse any of his advances and give him absolutely no hints as to who you’re into romantically or what it is you like in a person. The only reason he found out you had an ex was through shoko, and even when he asked you about her, you absolutely refused to describe what she was like.

As usual, he was texting you like crazy. He often did this, but today he was being sappy. He kinda just got really caught up in his feelings, thinking about all the times you two spent together and he couldn’t help himself! But honestly, seeing you message him back that, annoyed him. He knows you probably thought he was being his annoying self, the two of you were friends and he often annoyed you while you acted like you hated him jokingly.

Texting you bestie lets make out with a random cat meme probably does seem like he’s messing with you though. But he truly meant what he said.

You guys have been friends for so long now though, it’s hard for you to take anything he says seriously. He gets it, since he does the same thing to suguru but still. It’s annoying.

He sighs deeply, hand on cheek as he stares at his friend in front of him across the table.

“I just don’t remember dating being so hard!”

Other thing is, you ignore his attempts at flirting while suguru screams of laughter in the corner. He gets so mad at him every single time it happens, but you can’t help but laugh at sugurus laughing fits whenever this happens.

But that’s just the thing isn’t it?

You always laugh at suguru. Never him. You’re constantly annoyed by him, actually. You’re so close with suguru, and it’s not like you aren’t close with him too but it’s different. You spend time with suguru after school, and the only time he gets to spend time with you outside of just class is if suguru is around.

It’s always suguru.

Do you like him?

Suguru lets out a light laugh, “since when do you have experience with dating?” suguru jabs, and satoru looks at him bewildered.

“What do you mean?! Ladies are after me like, all the time! Even the guys sometimes!”

Suguru sighs with a shrug and a light hearted smile, “just because girls like you doesn’t mean you have experience in dating. Last time I checked you’ve never actually liked somebody before y/n.”

“Tch. Easy for you to say.” satoru mumbles, but suguru seems too busy laughing at his phone. Satoru raises a brow, “who are you texting?”

“The devil.” he says, and satoru immediately knows that it’s you based off of his answer. He groans again, putting his face in his hands. “You gotta be kidding me.” he says, his speech mumbled. Suguru isn’t paying attention.

If suguru liked you back, he’s giving satoru no signs. At least not vocally, but satoru peaks through his fingers and sees the red tint on his cheeks and… has suguru ever smiled at him like that? His best friend? No. He’s not familiar with that giddy grin.

Suguru probably doesn’t want to tell him, cause he knows of satorus feelings. Sugurus a nice guy like that, but it makes sense why his friend hasn’t been of much help to him.

Sugurus a nice guy, he doesn’t blame you. He’d date suguru if he were you, too. Maybe a part of him finds suguru attractive. Suguru. Suguru. Suguru.

Suguru.

He thinks of him till his name is the only thing on his brain, and as he looks at him softly smile at the phone, he comes to a realization.

Why didn’t he realize it sooner?

Satoru is in love with his two best friends, and he’s insanely jealous of the fact they seem to be in love with eachother, rather than him.

[lgbtawarenessproject]

All Eyes on Rafah

It is the seventh of May, 2024. Israel is attacking Rafah. I know I haven’t been active on this account in a while, and I know this has nothing to do with queer news, but there is a genocide going on right now. If you think that the murder of 1.4 million refugees(https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2024/5/6/why-is-israel-forcing-the-evacuation-of-part-of-rafah-gazas-last-refuge)  is okay, then you should ask yourself “what if that was my friend, my family member, why is it different if it isn’t?” Because it isn’t different. It isn’t. Every person in that city has friends, family members. Everyone in that city is being targeted. Whether they are a 3 month old baby, an 87 year old grandmother or otherwise. Rafah was supposed to be a refuge (https://www.vox.com/2024/2/16/24074311/israel-hamas-war-rafah-gaza-civilians) and now they are sending in airstrikes and ground troops.

Some of you seeing this are going to say that Palestine attacked first, and that Israel has the right to defend itself. You’re wrong. I’m not going to argue with you about who attacked first, there isn’t any point in it, but I want to ask you. Does self-defense look like the murder of over thirty thousand people? (https://time.com/6909636/gaza-death-toll/) What about more? This article is from March. Right now, they are in Rafah. A place they said they wouldn’t attack. (https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/israel-continues-bombarding-gaza-including-places-it-told-palestinians-to-evacuate-to) It is easy, to blame this on Hamas. It is easy to say the Israelis are protecting themselves. This situation is a whole lot more complicated than that. With every person Israel kills, every man, woman, child, elder, with the excuse that “they were part of Hamas”, it makes you wonder if their definition of “Hamas” is instead, Palestinians. A minimum of 12,000 children have died (https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/israel-continues-bombarding-gaza-including-places-it-told-palestinians-to-evacuate-to) . You don’t kill 12,000 children by accident. You don’t think that children are part of a terrorist organization. You kill 12,000 children because you want them to be scared of you, because you want them to fight back so you can kill more.

You cannot call every person who picks up a gun, a terrorist. If you were forced to watch someone kill your child, your kid sibling, your best friend, your grandmother, and you didn’t try to fight back? People would call you a monster. Yet- they call Palestinians monsters for doing just that. They call people who are in mourning monsters, after they killed their families. If you still side with Israel, you are a monster. If you still side with Israel after all that they have done, you are a monster. This isn’t a matter of religion, this isn’t a matter of stolen land, this is a genocide. This is a country committing war crimes. (https://www.palestine-studies.org/en/node/1654922) (https://www.hrw.org/news/2017/06/04/israel-50-years-occupation-abuses) (https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/oct/31/have-war-crimes-been-committed-in-israel-and-gaza-and-what-international-laws-apply)

If your defense of Israel is that is antisemitic to go against them, choose a better one. Judaism is not a country; Judaism is not a government; Judaism is not the murder of thousands. If that is what you think Judaism is, then you are the one being antisemitic. (https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2024/04/09/israel-gaza-war-crimes-genocide/) (https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/apr/27/london-gaza-protest-openly-jewish-march-holocaust-survivors-palestine-demonstration) (https://www.aa.com.tr/en/europe/israel-using-holocaust-as-a-cover-for-gaza-genocide-holocaust-survivor/3207269)

Neither group in this battle are my people, neither group are mine by genetics nor religion nor culture, but they are all humans. Every single one of them is a human. Every single person out there deserves a chance to live. Please put your eyes, put your attention, or Rafah. On the families that are trying to escape and to live. Please help them before it is too late. For the ones that it is too late. Donate, support, make you voices heard. We cannot let another genocide happen while we just stand back and watch. It shouldn’t be our responsibility to tell them to stop, it shouldn’t be our jobs to stop humans from killing humans. But we have to. Because they aren’t doing it themselves.

It is hard to watch these things when you know you can look away. It is hard to help when you know that it is easier not to. But do you want to tell your friends and family, your children and grandchildren, the people in Rafah, that you decided to stand back? That you had the opportunity to help, like very few have before, and you didn’t? Help these people. Get them to safety. Do your part. Whether that be donating a couple of dollars, sharing a video, going to protests, writing an essay. Do something. You can do something, so do it. I know it is scary, it is depressing, but they can't just look away as they are running and hiding for their lives. Even one small thing, can do a lot.

Please reblog and reply to this post with GFM's and other places to donate to. Additional information and updates are welcome.

Go here to keep updated on the situation in Rafah.

-Soul

[the-inkwell-variable]

friday kiss tag ˚.⋆

thank you, @the-golden-comet, for the tag! i'm trying something a little different today. today, i'm writing a scene from scratch instead of grabbing something from a wip. i desperately need the warm-up, and i think @leahpardo-pa-potato might actually riot if i keep avoiding the kisses (i'm teasing of course, ilu <3) consider the following part of the corpse and the killer - and hopefully enjoy! (SIDE NOTE: kia calls jason 'jas'. it's pronounced 'jase'. the e makes it look weird so i leave it off, but that makes it look like 'jass' and i hate that. idk man read it how you want i'm not a cop) TAGGING @drchenquill - @wyked-ao3 - @willtheweaver - open tag!

"I will fix it."

"Are you kidding me?" Kia stared into the soulless glowing slits that served as eyes. As long as he wore that mask, it was easy to forget who was underneath - easy to blame, to hate, to rage against. "Did you already forget how badly you've fucked Gotham City? In one night - one fucking night - you've blown up Ace Chemicals-"

"That was Batman."

"-set every major villain loose in the streets-"

"Not every major villain - and that was Scarecrow anyway."

"-and turned everyone in the streets into freakin' zombies." She ran her hands through her pink hair, over and over, until her space buns fell apart into waves that framed her face. "I don't care if you're Superman. You're not winning this one. No one is, not without nuking the city off the face of the earth and all of us with it."

"Hey." His large hands, surprisingly soft in their gloves, completely covered her shoulders. "It's going to be fine. My men are on their way to evacuate us. In helicopters. You've always wanted to ride a helicopter."

Kia laughed, a dizzied titter. "Right, right. It'll be great. We'll just hop on a helicopter and fly away from this mess, shall we? Pretend it never happened? As if the government won't shoot us out of the sky to prevent the infection from spreading. As if the zombies won't leave the city as soon as they realize there are no more people to hunt. As if you and Scarecrow haven't started the end of the fucking world." She laughed again and shook her head. "You've always been starting shit, Jas, and you've always gotten us out of it. But I dunno how you're gonna get us out of this one."

"I will get us out of this, Kia-bear." He pressed a button on the side of his helmet, and his mask slid up to reveal his face. The corners of his hazel brown eyes were pinched and tight. The scar, a jagged J, stretched across his cheekbone. She recognized his smile immediately - it was the smile he had always given her as a kid when he felt trapped in a corner. When he stepped forward to take Black Mask's beatings on her behalf. When he accepted a job that he knew he wasn't prepared for because they so desperately needed the cash. Jason felt as trapped as she did, but he was denying it to give her hope.

That should have comforted her.

"Stop fucking lying, Jason." She jerked away from him. Her arms immediately missed his warmth. "I don't know what skills you picked up when you were adopted by that rich bitch, but there's no way you're getting us out of this one. You fucked up, big time, and every single person left in Gotham is either already dead or going to die because of it. You call yourself the Arkham Knight - Gotham's savior - but you've fucked us all, just because you wanted to put a bullet in Batman's head."

She was shouting now. Militia members were glancing over. A few had their hands on their service weapons. She didn't care. She closed the distance between them again and jabbed a finger in his chest, as if their half-a-foot size difference didn't even exist. "We're fucked, Jason. Well and truly and completely and utterly fucked. No one is going to let us leave! We're better off staying on this rooftop and hoping the zombies starve to death before we do! Don't you get that?! Don't you-"

His lips crushed against hers, insistent and desperate. They moved against her greedily, sucking the fight right out of her. Her knees weakened and forced her to lean against him, cotton fluff hoodie against kevlar. His lips were softer than she'd expected - though she hadn't ever expected to kiss her childhood best friend. He tasted of peanut butter and cigarettes. She dug her fingers into his sleeves and forgot for a moment that they were going to die.

When he pulled away, she almost leaned in after him. Her heart pounded in her chest, desperate to follow him. Despite the cold rain that stung her face, her entire body felt like a fireplace - hot, sizzling, glowing. She stared up at him. He grinned down at her as if he hadn't just stolen the very breath from her lungs. "Trust me," he said, his voice a low growl that left her knees weak all over again. "I won't let anything happen to you. Not now, not ever."

[vertebreakher]

Thinking about the parallels between Doomguy and Vader, and what's interesting is the minor similarity between the classic doom helmet and Vader's helmet (particularly the way both broaden on the way to the bottom and the ventilator fully covering the mouth and nose.) But its interesting that are many depictions where Doomguy's face is still visible through the visor, which I think serves as a visual reminder of his humanity and empathy remaining regardless of his rage and fixation. in contrast Vader's face is never shown and when it is he doesn't at all resemble the person he was before being disfigured, his single-minded hatred is the only thing driving him. Doomguy is that one in a million dark side user that doesn't just feed into their own greed and ambition as if those are meaningful in and of themselves. the dark side is passion and desire primarily, but is so often characterized as evil because of how easy it is for people to gravitate towards the most unga bunga "me want big power number forever large" ideology. People like Palpatine are basically just chasing after that endorphin rush from getting that level up after XP grinding. Playing the force like some gatcha game, because they just feel so good when their rare jpeg has higher crit chance. And with the Jedi constantly telling force users to never explore their emotions, its no wonder people who are disillusioned keep falling into an ideology that matches the most pervasive and addictive method of real world manipulation in any form of entertainment Palps was probably shitting his pants a bit after realizing how much potential Anakin Skywalker had as a dark side user, because instead of buying into the "more P O W E R" bullshit Anakin just wanted love and acknowledgement. He needed to straight up manipulate him into sabotaging his own life by committing atrocities and maiming him so his life support puts him in constant agony to control him, because otherwise he'd be empowered purely by the love of his wife and kids. Conversely, Doomguy is just someone who loved his pet rabbit and couldn't stand the idea of hurting people. Demons are equally reliant on the satisfaction of getting the big number as the Sith, and they can't corrupt Doomguy because probably the only thing in life he wanted was to give an animal unconditional love and geek out about nerd shit. I'd say the big difference between Vader and Doomguy is really that Palpatine was smart enough to manipulate Vader into ruining his own life. Because the demons killed daisy directly as a simpleminded act of revenge, Doomguy isn't vulnerable to self-hatred the way Vader is. If Palps had gone "haha I killed your wife don't you feel bad?" Anakin would have absolutely merced the fuck out of him and probably every self-proclaimed sith to ever surface for as long as he lived. Vader wants to keep feeling self loathing and pain, and fall more and more into becoming a monster. Because that's what he thinks he deserves. It took realizing his son was alive to even begin working back from that. Doomguy has a clear understanding of who is to blame for his tragedies, his hate is fixated outwards on something that truly deserves it. He can mess around with guitar and vinyl figure collections and allow himself to still be an empathetic human being without having a moral crisis about whether he deserves those kinds of things.

[playroom-sekaii]

hi!! um this is my first time requesting something like this so I hope I get it right, but can I please have some regressor rin and caregiver miku hcs? if you do the virtual singers ofc!

Of course I'll do the Virtual Singers! This post'll focus on their "default" versions, but if you'd like posts for any of their Sekai variants please feel free to let me know!!

-I can honestly see all of the default Virtual Singers as flips with decently large age ranges (they're meant to portray a large range of feelings, so of course their ranges for things like this would be large as well!), but Rin normally slips to ~2-5, she and Len are both quite the little guys!

-Rin's quite likely to slip after a long day of performances, or if a song she's singing that day is especially sad or scary (such as those by mothy, she ended up very small after her and Len first performed Servant of Evil).

-Miku's actually quite a good caregiver! She takes care of the feelings of people all over the world, of course she can take care of little ones! She's more of a big sister caregiver when compared to people such as Meiko and Kaito, but she's working as hard as she can to be a good cg for her Rinrin! Sometimes she'll even try to get inspiration from her iterations in the Sekais to learn how to be a better caregiver, taking notes while watching L/n and N25 Miku-

-It's actually quite easy to tell if Rin's feeling small, though her voice is a key tell, she's a Virtual Singer after all! Her usual voice is more akin to her Power voicebank, though when she's small it's close to her Sweet one. Other than that, she's somehow even more hyper and relatively clingy, the moment "Miku-nee" leaves her lips she can tell. She's not really ashamed of regressing, it's just a thing she does, it's okay! She's trying to get a certain mirror image of hers to realize the same...

-Obviously, Rin still loves singing while she's small! She likes to put on little concerts for the others and her plushies, and Miku always makes sure to cheer her own, glowsticks and everything! Usually she'll sing happier carefree songs like Sweet Magic or once upon a dream, though sometimes she'll try to sing Miku's songs to impress her, doesn't she sound amazing? Miku is very proud <3

-Rin is still a bit of a prankster while little, trying to trick the others quite often. Miku isn't immune to this, usually with her Rin will try to sneak up and scare her or hide her things. Miku doesn't ever get too mad at her, but she doesn't want to endorse this, so she ends up lightly scolding her sometimes. She tries to put Rin in timeout, but she always puppy-dog eyes her way out of it.

-Sometumes Rin ends up a bit grumpy, she's usually quite happy though she can be pouty when things don't go her way, but Miku's always there to cheer her up! She spoils her a bit, but can you blame her? Anything for Rinrin! Even if she can't solve her icky feelings through giving her things, usually a song can! Rin forgets whatever she was mad about when Miku-nee starts singing <3

-Rin really likes arts and crafts, especially while small. She loves drawing and making things for Miku and the others, and Miku makes sure to keep every single piece she does. So what if she has a drawer overflowing with drawings or ten kandi bracelets, they were all made by her little one after all!

-Rin's quite the hyper little one, never really liking to take naps, but thankfully Miku's amazing at lullabies! Softer songs from her will always lull Rin to sleep, even if she ends up pouting over it when she wakes up.

-Rin is very cuddly when she's on the lower end of her age range, and Miku is always willing to give her little one what she desires! She's surprising strong, so she can give her uppies with ease! Rin is very satisfied, she's not the shortest anymore, and it's all thanks to her big sissy!

-Sometimes Miku takes Rin to look over the Sekais with her when she's small, and she absolutely loves it! Look, that's her! But different! And those kids are doing such cool things, like becoming idols and putting on plays, can we do those things too? Huh, some of the people that have made Sekais are also age regressors? Woah! She plays pretend games based on what she sees often, or she'll pretend that she's the Rin for a Sekai of her plushies or the other Virtual Singers :3

[sourbinnie]

do you miss me? | changbin x gn!reader angst | does she miss you too?

there was no denying she was a beauty. she's so bright, bubbly and so full of comfort, it's hard not to fall for her. i feel sorry for her and at the same time not at all. it was a weird feeling that my chest was mixing whenever i saw them together. he looked so happy with her yet it was all fake (or maybe it was all fake when he was with me?). he's gotta date her because that's what their contracts say, he's gotta be with her, love her, cherish her, be seen with her, fuck her and just overall have her in every way, shape or form. 

it was no lie that the biggest magazines said they were the "it" couple. the one to watch out for as they were both rising stars in the industry. different companies that came together to be even bigger just by having two people date in front of the cameras was pathetic really but who i was to discuss these decisions? i knew nothing. hidden like a secret that nobody wanted to keep, i found myself in my apartment that i shared with him once again. wondering why he still kept me around and why he wasn't with her, maybe because he chose me first or maybe he just felt bad about leaving me. the angel and devil on my shoulder kept fighting about the worst of possibilities and i was just tired at this point. 

the most permanent news were going around that the new it girl group was dating the stray kids producer. i shut it off as i looked at the tv screen one last time to see that damn image of them kissing on the red carpet. it wasn't professional but it sure as hell looked convincing under all the facade that i was facing every single day. he didn't even come home lately, he just stayed at the dorms because it was easier to not be seen going to an unknown apartment in the middle of the night. no messages would pop up, no calls would come in and no keys would jingle at the door.

it was almost as if i lived alone here and i was starting to get used to it. as if there was a break up that happened that i didn't take part in deciding. even now thinking of it, what would i even say? that i wanted to stay? he didn't want me and it showed. so much debate going on in my head, made me miss him walking in the apartment. a sense of stress washed over me as soon as i saw him. 

"i missed you." he said calmly and i sighed. even if it did make my heart beat faster, i knew it was a lie. i didn't want more pity in my life, it was enough with my friends, my family and his bandmates making sure that i was okay all the time after seeing what was going on.

"did you?" i asked bitterly. i wanted to cry but i wasn't going to, i was stronger than my tears this time as i kept my position clear. "we haven't talked in so long changbin".

"and i'm sorry about that but you know how it is with the comeback and-". as soon as i knew what he was gonna say, i cut him off

"and the new relationship, yeah i get it." i responded as i tried to keep my composure and remain as calm as i could even if it felt like the world fell apart 300 times whenever i heard him mention it.

"i didn't want this (y/n)! don't pin the blame on me." he said and i knew his temper, he quickly lost it whenever we fought but this time it felt like a lie. putting on a mask to make it seem like he truly did love me and he was just playing along because his company forced him to. i knew better than that (or did i?).

"yeah sure, like it's not easy to be with someone who looks like a model and has the most lovely personality. oh yeah your life is so hard." i backfired and crossed my arms as i looked at him, trying to think of how to answer that without getting too mad.

"what do you want me to do? it's already everywhere and if i tell our managers what i want, they won't take me fucking seriously." he said like it would make things better that he even considered telling them about it. they chose the one member in a relationship to do this, they were so fucking cruel that it just didn't matter did it? this was better for the band and it will never be good for us. even if they did get more fans, what was the point? well...

"just tell me the truth changbin, i don't want any more lies." crystal tears were now falling from my eyes as all composure and calm was lost. "do you love her?" i asked or mumbled as best as i could.

"what? you're seriously asking me if-" he saw me sobbing and then stopped what he was saying. he got closer to me but i just backed off, i didn't want to be touched by him anymore. "baby please. you know well that i-i only love you."

"answer my question please." i insisted and i just got the worst response i could ask for.

"i don't know. it's probably because i've spending a lot of time with her but that's it!" he said and i just shook my head in disbelief. of course he was falling, just like i said it was impossible not to fall for someone like her. everything resembled perfection itself and who was i to deny him how he felt? he needed to get out of here immediately. "but i do need you, i do want to be with you and as soon as this is over, i'm announcing you as my significant other like you deserve."

"i won't be here anymore." i said almost not believing myself as i got up with all the strength that i had in that moment 'cause all i wanted was to curl up into a ball and cry. "i can't wait for you anymore, especially if you're already falling for her."

"no, you know i can't let you walk away." he said as i was already on my way to our shared bedroom. i grabbed my suitcase and started throwing stuff in, not even looking what it was but knowing most of it was mine. "don't do this, we fucking said forever and now you're throwing it away?"

"so now it's my fault huh? tell me if you saw me kissing, holding hands, hugging, fucking another guy would you like it? if i told you i was falling for him would you stay?" i asked knowing the answer and being met by complete silence. i zipped the suitcase once i was done 'cause i needed to go as soon as i could. "hope you don't do to her what you did to me 'cause it was a living hell waiting for you."

"you know it's always gonna be you right?" he mumbled as i could feel the tears coming in any second now. "i don't want anyone else and even if i did feel something for her, it doesn't compare to what i feel for you."

the quiet was so loud that i almost felt a little bad for doing this. but no, i could not walk straight into those arms as much as i wanted to. i could not do this to myself once again when all i did was love him and i got stabbed in the back. 

"too bad you didn't show it." i said, looking at him one last time as i stood right in front of the door. "please don't text or call me changbin, it was good while it lasted but you really did lose me this time."

and i walked out of his life.

forever?

[mobpsychomakes]

MASTERLIST

Hi! This is an incomplete masterlist trying to compile every single mob psycho omake because good lord some of these things are hard to find. Like, "end up skimming through several chapters because you vaguely remembered it being in World Domination Arc" hard to find. All of these will either be posted or reblogged here just in case the original poster happens to delete because that seems to happen a lot. They will be linked with their names and a brief description. All omakes will also be tagged with the characters present (Body Improvement Club omakes will be shortened to "body improvement club" instead of every individual character) for quicker searching.

OMAKES:

Reigen Shits Himself: serizawa asks mob to tell him about a dangerous situation he and reigen were in and mob tells the story of the time reigen shit his pants and almost got arrested

Ritsu's Nepotism: mob tries to get extra money for the body improvement club's budget

Serizawa continues to be the backbone of Spirits & Such: a lawyer appears at spirits and such and threatens to sue

Reigen needs a dog: a dog spirit attaches itself to reigen and he keeps it as a pet named "uu-chan"

The power of spider webs: mob uses his powers to stop a soccer ball midair so it doesnt crush a tulip and ritsu blames it on "really strong spider webs"

Magic > Psychic powers: mob has a dream about getting put in a fantasy world

Perseverance > psychic powers: a flashback of mob and tsubomi as kids where tsubomi keeps asking him to do difficult tasks and he keeps trying to impress her

Teaching Mob basketball > anti-terrorism: teru puts a hold on stopping psychic terrorists to teach mob how to play basketball

Reigen goes to hell, maybe: reigen gives advice to a fortune teller

Bullied & Such Consultation Office: mob and serizawa reflect on their childhood experience with bullying

Bigfoot Hunting: reigen and mob try to find bigfoot but instead find every other possible cryptid

Reigen dies: reigen nearly chokes to death

Meat: reigen takes the kids out for barbeque

Summer Vacation: reigen takes the kids to the beach

At Long Last, Revealing Their Full Name: the full names of a bunch of minor characters who didn't have them before as well as a couple biographical details for some of them

All Nighter: a scary closeup of reigen's face

Haircut Swap Series (To Not Be Continued): mob and ritsu switch haircuts

Baked Sweet Potato: mob bakes a sweet potato on an open fire

Content: mob looks at the sky because ONE ran out of ideas

Deadlines and HP: ONE tries to refill his health bar

Prime: the yokai guy tells a story because ONE was 40 minutes from his deadline and had no omake

Character Profiles: infographics sharing some fun facts (birthday, blood type, hobbies, etc) about mob, reigen, ritsu, teru, and shou

Valentines Day: the boys receive chocolate for valentines day

Lifting: tome advises mob to use his powers to play soccer

Esper Hoshino the Show Off: hoshino uses his powers to "help" his classmates

Fire Master Asahi: asahi uses his powers to light a man's cigarette

Snot Bubble: mob falls asleep and a snot bubble from his nose enters orbit

His Favorite: mob shows off his frog umbrella

Chapter 74 (unnamed?): reigen gets stressed out about his endurance being worse than mob's and tries working out

Sense of Crisis: reigen gets stressed out about mob getting stronger than him and tries working out (again)

Salt Mid Marathon Rankings: what places a bunch of characters ranked in during the 5k

Chapter 76 (unnamed?): mezato discusses with the psycho helmet cult how to find their founder

Last Nightmare: mob has a nightmare about breaking into tsubomi's house dressed as santa claus and getting arrested

Exception: the claw espers sent after mob discuss how easy he looks to kill while he flies to their location to kick their ass

Numb: teru and mob go shirt shopping

Horror Story: reigen gathers the kids to tell horror stories

Breeze: mob's umbrella gets blown away in a storm

I Understand: serizawa meets a friend from his class

Coming Up: there's a three day weekend coming up

Bug: various characters react to a bug

Reveal: edano asks how teru's hair grew back so quickly

Honesty: ritsu talks about what he wants to be when he grow up

Monkey Dream: dimple dreams about fighting monkeys

What does a ghost piggyback ride look like to people who can't see ghosts?

Greeting: Hoshino re-introduces himself for the third time

[mysticstarlightduck]

What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

Thank you so much for the ask, @kaylinalexanderbooks!

I'll go with the cast of Supernova Initiative for this one! Since I wanna do something different/unique and I love using songs to inspire myself when it comes to writing characters, I'll link some of those songs to illustrate my answers! (:

Jack Tithus:

Hardest to process: Betrayal. Jack is an extremely loyal friend, and though he is no stranger to betrayal and people who screw others over, his knee-jerk reaction to these kinds of situations - especially when the betrayal comes from a friend rather than a stranger - is to think "what did I do wrong?". Like, he considers it a failure on his part to not have noticed something like that was about to happen.

Hardest to express: Vulnerability. Jack is a very self-sacrificial guy, who tends to be rather stoic about his true feelings and how much he is suffering, for the sake of keeping his sister happy and his friend's sake. He's very good at pretending everything is okay and maintaining his usual unfazed, charming, and happy self, and feels like a burden whenever he needs to ask for help.

I think that a song that illustrates this aspect of Jack's personality very well is Strong For Somebody Else by Citizen Soldier.

(Strong for Somebody Else) "My personal hell, I'll bury it, bury it Weight of the world, I'll carry it, carry it Pile it all on, I've gotta be strong For somebody, for somebody Put my pain in a pill, I'll swallow it, swallow it Too numb to feel, I'm hollow, I'm hollow I have to hold on, I've gotta be strong For somebody, for somebody Somebody else"

Deimos Soll

Hardest to process: Shame. Deimos has a serious low self-esteem issue, which he masks behind an aura of arrogance. His feelings of low self-worth have haunted him since he was a kid. Due to his past traumas, Deimos is terrified of failure, which also makes him terrified of the feelings of shame that are tied to failure - he is viscerally terrified of humiliation. He is a perfectionist and strives to be the best at every single thing he does, and misguidedly thinks that if he "can't remain the best" then he "isn't worth anything at all".

I think two songs that fit this facet of his very well are Gladiator by Jann and Shame! Shame! Shame! by Reinaeiry

(Gladiator) "I know your addiction's attention, let's start a show Is it everything and more than you were hoping for? Show us something we ain't never seen before Smash your competition, baby Show us some good entertainment Victory's your only payment Gladiator, gladiator"

(Shame! Shame! Shame!) "Where does it end And where do I begin? Is there something to blame? At the end of the day The end result's the same Oh, Shame! Shame! Shame! Keep it to yourself Don't sully the family name"

Hardest to express: Remorse. Partially due to his extreme perfectionism, Deimos has an unfortunate tendency to get defensive whenever he does something wrong - it's an unconscious impulse, practically. He doesn't like to admit something that went wrong is his fault because that would mean he did something imperfectly or that he made a mistake, which then circles back to those feelings of shame he dreads.

Kye Thalax

Hardest to process: Lack of Control/Frustration. Kye doesn't like when things don't go his way, nor does he like when a situation is out of his control. He's been deprived of feelings of agency for so long, that now that he has that agency he doesn't want to lose it ever again. This means he can often be quite frazzled with trying to keep everything within the range of what he can control because chaos - as far as he knows - only means pain. This also makes him incredibly easy to frustrate as he is dealing with too many things at the same time and neglects the management of his own feelings. I think the song Control by Halsey, fits this side of his personality quite a lot.

(Control) "I can't help this awful energy Goddamn right, you should be scared of me Who is in control? I paced around for hours on empty I jumped at the slightest of sounds And I couldn't stand the person inside me I turned all the mirrors around"

Hardest to express: Affection. It's not that he's not a good person. Deep down he is. He has empathy and secretly cares more than he realizes. But he is a bit emotionally stunted and paranoid that everyone who gets close to him is going to hurt him eventually and that it's only a matter of time before he is betrayed. So he has developed a prickly personality that lashes out at the first sign of trouble in order to not risk trusting the wrong person again. This also means that, for most of his interactions, he can be quite superficial, petty, and often selfish - until he realizes he actually does care for the person he is interacting with, which takes a long while. He yearns for affection and attention but does not know how to verbalize that need out of fear of being used or betrayed. Living Hell by Bella Poarch

(Living Hell) "You know I don't believe in ghosts or Letting people close I'm good at letting go You kiss my lips until they're colder Think you're in control, but I should let you know Well, the good guys don't always get the glory Can't you see the warning signs?"

[donnerpartyofone]

so i'm reading The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, a development i never saw coming, because of two things i recently heard about it:

1. that one of its main points is that keeping your space clutter-free is actually a specific skill you need to acquire and not, as is popularly thought, something that you either naturally do because you're a good person, or that you refuse to do because you're a jerk or a failure. 2. that marie kondo found her calling in this area after suffering from some sort of cleaning-related nervous breakdown.

i've had problems with being clean and organized my entire life, and for the most part i just accepted the criticism that this is a matter of personal failing. as a more informed adult, it has become much easier for me to see my disorganization as one symptom among many of a bigger problem that is probably cognitive in nature. as a kid i was depressed and sort of oblivious to the "real world", which could make it easy for adults to assume that i just needed an attitude adjustment. (i don't even blame them, my parents were not psychologists, but anyway) as an adult i'm still depressed and instead of being oblivious, i care profoundly about being more functional, but just wanting to change, and trying as hard as i can, still don't seem to make a difference.

the first time it occurred to me that my problems may be more neurological than intent-related was when a sympathetic listener referred me to this helpful article:

but while i'm reading the kondo book, it also occurs to me that there's this whole ethos around being organized that's really oppressive. there's a feeling that being untidy is sort of a moral failure: that you are being a mess, on purpose or out of willful negligence, because you are disrespectful, inconsiderate, LAZY (is the big one), shortsighted, apathetic, or any number of other indicators of a human being with poor character. my messy room was one of the main points of friction between myself and my family until i left for college. never mind that i was also sleeping all the time, swinging constantly between sadness and outrage, and expressing suicidal ideation out loud from when i was in single digits; my apparent refusal to clean my room was seen as a separate issue, either a bratty behavior that i designed to piss off my parents, or at best, just a failure to learn to follow the rules.

i haven't finished kondo's book yet (because i'm still working on the exercise i'm about to describe), but it starts to become clear that there are important psychological underpinnings of one's hygiene-related behavior. kondo doesn't come right out and describe her own personal problems (not yet anyway! don't spoil it for me if she does!), but you start to realize a few things from her snippets of biographical information: for instance, she makes it clear that she was alone a lot as a child. she seems to have lived a very separate existence from her siblings, and instead of socializing with schoolmates, she spent all of her time researching and implementing new ways of cleaning and organizing both her home and her school rooms. she describes this as an all-consuming compulsion that had a deleterious effect on her grades, and something is surely implied by her revelation that when a person switches from a pressing task, like studying for an exam, over to compulsively cleaning their space, they're being overtaken by a subconscious drive to Put In Order something that is bothering them deep inside. (when i was trying to get through my final year of college i started taking several showers a day, but ANYWAY) and then of course, there is what i read elsewhere about how she was eventually so overwhelmed by her sisyphean struggle with clutter that she had some sort of collapse, after which she gained clarity on why disorder happens and what to do about it...

kondo reiterates the old pop psychology truism that for a person to change, they have to really want to change, and she has a smart way of getting the reader to access their own obscure but potentially powerful motivations for wanting to get organized. she gets you to ask yourself why you want to "tidy up", but you're not supposed to stop at pat answers like "i want more space" or "i want to entertain at home" or whatever. you're supposed to then ask yourself what you want that cleanliness and space FOR, and as you keep asking yourself "why?" for every answer you come up with, you eventually start producing really detailed personal information about what kind of life you actually want to be leading. i suppose it's true that you could do this for any aspect of your existence, e.g. "why do you dress like that" or whatever, but there is something about starting with the basic issue of how and where you live that seems especially liable to make you face yourself. the whole "clean your room" thing is so loaded with psychic material related to family friction, intimacy issues, social prejudices that assign a moral quality to neatness/messiness, etc, that something deep is bound to come up. like when i start trying to answer marie kondo's question about why i'm even reading her book, two things come up: one answer relates to my sunniest aspirations about what kind of life i want to lead, to have the kind of future i want. the other answer is something more like, "i want to tidy up because once upon a time, grownups made me feel like i was actually a bad person for having a messy room/desk/locker/etc."

so my point is that even though The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up is mainly aimed at practical, cosmetic changes to your lifestyle, under the surface there's this really deep psychological thing going on that's as potent to me as any of the more spiritual, personal, new age-y type of self-help material that i've encountered. like, you could pay thousands of dollars to let tony robbins put you up on a stage in front of screaming crying strangers so you can give them incredibly intimate details about the worst thing that ever happened to you...or you can do some basic exercises from this book about how to clean your room, and you might wind up with the same kind of startling clarity about yourself without even realizing that that's what you were about to do.