#it's been a mess. but I think it's gonna be worth it
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hello! Im just wondering if there’s any side effects Etho has because of staying in the cave in trails gone cold au or did it just change his hair.
good question! probably? this hasn't really been discussed or thought through, so don't treat it as 100% true, just me thinking out loud.
❄️ talking visual changes, his hair and eyes changed color permanently, his skin is now paler, even if the effects lessened when he was out of the cave, nothing is fully reversible. i dont imagine there's a way to get rid of the sculk that is in his body already, because it's like- everywhere. in his blood, in his lungs, in his brain, in his bones. it's dormant and doesn't do him any harm, and maybe in 10 or 20 years his body will slowly get rid of it, but its an if not a when.
❄️ in terms of other changes... i imagine he's constantly freezing now, nothing ever helping to warm him up. his nervous system is messed up beyond repair, so he could probably shove his hand into fire and get burned and still be freezing.
❄️ he probably also always feels slightly feverish and weak? you know how when you're ill and you stand up to do something but standing up takes all your energy and you're too tired now? that kind of thing. he's just tired all the time.
and then there's also all the indirect changes?
❄️ he lost an eye. goodbye depth perception, and layered with his other changes he's probably very clumsy now.
❄️ i imagine his hands tremble more often than not, both because of the freezing and because of his strained psyche.
❄️ dude is like. traumatized. very badly. he decided to leave one of his closest friends to die so he himself could escape. his other closest friend was a better person than him but died because of it. he never said goodbye to any of them, he can never apologize. they're gone forever, and they're still down there. etho survived but at what cost and was it actually worth it?
❄️ i don't know if he feels any sort of calling from the cave, but maybe? maybe it's the sort of thing where he can't tell if it's his own thoughts or not, because it could be a cave trying to get him back or it could be his own wish to return in attempt to "fix it".
i also wanna say, poor gem. she has to take care of this guy now and im so sorry to her. it's gonna be a very long time until he even starts healing, and it's gonna be a very difficult time. there's like, so much to say about gem too, because she also lost two of her best friends and she wasn't even there to witness it, all she gets is her traumatized brother...
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girl next door 🏠 - 3
a/n: forgot to post this on here my bad 🫣 saw someone ask about a taglist for this story— let me know if you wanna be added to that :)
“You just had to pick somewhere in town for dinner? You know how the traffic is on the weekend.” JJ grumbled as they finally pulled into the parking lot of a new restaurant in town.
“I only picked it because last time we went out you not so subtly mentioned wanting to try a new place. Plus you didn’t even have to drive. Now come on, our reservation is for 8 and we’re cutting it a little close.” Emily answered as the women both exited the car.
They made it into the restaurant and were almost instantly seated. Emily pulled JJ’s seat out for her in an act of chivalry that had always been there since they’d met and they both settled to look over their menus. As the two women decided on a bottle of wine they missed the younger woman seated just three tables away from them. Y/n sat with a grimace as she listened to her date drone on about her work life and ab routine.
This was her first date in the DC area and she was starting to regret letting Grayson talk her into this. She’d been single for a while and if Susan was any indication of the DC dating pool, she’d be single for way longer. She’d matched with Susan on a dating app and they talked for a few days before setting up this date. Susan was beautiful, no doubt, but that seemed to be the only thing she had going for her. She’d basically spent the entire evening talking about herself and it was not looking good. She’d been in the city for about a month and a half and all Grayson could talk about was her needing to get laid. As she sat and listened to the older blonde drone on, she was really trying to decide how important an orgasm was to her right now.
“It really has been such a tough year at the firm though. They’d really be lost without me.” As the words left Susan’s mouth and Y/n fought an eye-roll, the waitress serving the other table turned and bumped into the woman’s back.
The teen turned around with an apology on her lips, but the disgust on Susan’s face was clear as day. She grumbled out a response but turned to Y/n to complain. “I can’t believe they’d just hire anyone here. I think she dented my hair, I’m gonna go fix this mess in the bathroom.” Susan left the table and Y/n sighed. She was not worth the hassle. She pulled her phone out to shoot a text to Grayson.
y/n: this is the worst date i’ve been on… like ever
gray: oh it can’t be that bad. She was so hot.
y/n: well that’s all she’s got going for her. she’s in the bathroom right now fixing her hair because a waitress barely touched her.
gray: oh that is not hot… this is disappointing. you know you wouldn’t even be on this date had you already made a move on your sexy fbi neighbors.
y/n: gray get serious. they’re literally married to each other??? why would i make a move on either of them?
gray: well you and i both know you don’t just want to sleep with one of them. if you had it your way, you’d be sandwiched between both of them. which i think you could be, if you weren’t such a pussy.
Y/n huffed an exasperated laugh as she readied her fingers to reply. What she didn’t expect was to hear her name floating over her shoulder. She turned around in confusion and was even more surprised to see JJ leaning back in her chair with a smile. “JJ? Oh, Hi!” the younger woman responded hoping the low light was hiding the blush coloring her cheeks. She watched as the older woman got up from her table and came to lean against her chair.
“Hi sweetheart, what are you doing here? Are you alone?” JJ asked curiously. She chose to ignore the term of endearment that slipped from her lips, of course.
“Uh no. I’m actually on a date right now.” Y/n said gesturing to the other glass of wine across from her.
JJ’s eyes widened a bit in surprise and she couldn’t stop her eyes from roaming the restaurant for the potential date. Coming up with no leads she brought her eyes back to Y/n, “Oh really? And how is that going?”
Y/n looked around before whispering to the older blonde, “Terrible.”
JJ laughed cheekily as she gazed at the younger woman’s pout. Y/n shook her head in exasperation before grabbing the glass of wine she’d been nursing for the whole night. “I really hope this isn’t an indicator of how dating in DC is going to be for me. Where’s Emily?”
“Awe, they can’t be that bad, can they? She’s gone to the bathroom.” JJ said looking over her shoulder and seeing the brunette heading over to her. “Oh, here she is.”
“Jen, what are you– oh. Hi Y/n, what are you doing here?” Emily asked in shock allowing her hand to settle at JJ’s waist.
“She’s on a bad date. What took you so long?” JJ wondered as she rested her hand on Y/n’s shoulder unconsciously stroking the bare skin in comfort.
“Oh, that sucks. I got stuck waiting for this god-awful woman to finish fluffing her hair at the sinks. She was complaining about the incompetent staff knocking her coiffed hair out of place. God, I hate people like that.” At the older woman’s explanation, the younger of the three downed the rest of her wine with a grimace and sigh.
“Oh my god, is she your date?” JJ asked giddily.
“Unfortunately. She’s spent the entire evening talking about her law firm and ab routine, and then this happened. Now I must suffer through this evening and think of a way to ghost her.” Y/n whined.
“How did you end up with someone like that?” Emily wondered aloud.
“She didn’t seem like this when we matched. I’ve honestly been so shocked all evening. Trust, there won’t be any more dates after this.”
“Oh poor baby,” JJ started when she spotted a huffy blonde making her way over. “Looks like she’s coming back. We’ll be over there, just cough really loud or something if you need to be saved.” JJ winked, linking her hands with Emily’s and going back over to their table after Y/n nodded in understanding.
Once back at their table, both women couldn’t help but stare. “Well one thing for sure, she’s into women. And we seem to fit her type.” JJ smirked as she watched the younger woman nod along while her date rambled.
“And I’ll drink to that!” Emily grinned and she and JJ clinked their glasses together. Eyes still trained on their beautiful neighbor.
#emily prentiss x reader#criminal minds x reader#jennifer jareau x reader#jemily x reader#gnd series#msschemmenti
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Could be but I hope Lu Guang knows better than giving false hope to CXS after the earthquake arc :(
We don't know what's the extent of Lu Guang's knowledge on season 2's events to be fair. He doesn't seem to know the twins, for example? Or maybe he did and that was why he tried to keep the childhood photo secret until he couldn't anymore. But a lot of information about the twins eludes him.
He absolutely didn't know CXS would be in the car when Emma got kidnapped. And the whole Emma plotline is a bit messy too. It's like the story is never the same, switch from one way to another. I'm pretty sure it comes out as a murder then a suicide as the shows goes on but I'm not sure. I don't think it would be narrative errors, only CXS and LG messing with the timeline.
In season 2, CXS seems to change many key points by the end of the show, reacting to LG's absence. Obviously, CXS is the one supposed to be kidnapped by Li Tianchen so Lu Guang really went and decided "nope not gonna happen! I believe in you CXS to somehow make it work."
Soooo I really don't know if Emma was supposed to live or die but, allegedly, she's in this situation because of CXS. No way to know if she would have ended her life after losing her job in the original timeline. Or if she ever got fired in the first place. Or if she actually went through to become the kind of innocent girl who comes to the big city to fuck her boss in hope to secure her place in society. Maybe this would have been enough to make her jump. We just don't know.
Truth be told, Emma is one of the most interesting characters in the show. And it is so for more reasons than one.
She's the perfect entry point to the show, her longing for her family introduces us to CXS's personal struggles and loneliness, and all of this presents the boys' powers.
This and, as a character, she embodies what the show really is about, and her story is very common for chinese people from what I've heard. Season 1 was actually very popular because it was about primordial chinese values and struggles. Some episodes are about true events that profoundly marked people in this country. Put time travel aside, it's actually a story about two boys struggling to pay a debt. It's about living to your parents' expectations. It's about the gap between rich and poor; and in one end of it you're barely able to buy food on a daily basis. It's about choosing the right partner to start a business. It's about family. In the end, I think she had to die as an active symbolism that the natural balance is off. What happens after her death is Lu Guang and Li Tianchen cheating.
Sadly, her character is just what it's worth: a tool. For the writers as well as for the baddies in the show. But I would have loved to see more of her (maybe in an alternative reality when CXS and she became friends). I also believe she has a strong impact on CXS, just as much as the earthquake. Because everything about how her life changed from the beginning is because of CXS's actions.
Cheng Xiaoshi is introduced as a passive character. Not a passive personality, far from it, but Lu Guang tries to make him into someone who doesn't create ripples into the river of time (which is basically impossible). Cheng Xiaoshi dives and Lu Guang drives. That's the time travel dynamic we're given and Qiao Ling, as clueless as she can be regarding their business, knows that Lu Guang calls the shots. Lu Guang has an easy role, of course, because he doesn't have to deal with consequences as directly as CXS. To him, the events already happened and there is no changing them. To CXS, the events ARE happening, to HIM. No matter Lu Guang's rules, Cheng Xiaoshi is compromised and thus not only because he lives the memories: there is an emotional contamination between his host's body and Cheng Xiaoshi's soul. Lu Guang is trying to teach CXS this distinction. CXS dives as if it's only business, like he doesn't really care, but he can get deeply involved, real fast. When this happens, he's reckless. He's in danger and can be a possible danger.
People can be appalled by Lu Guang's decision of letting Cheng Xiaoshi go through the earthquake trauma but, in all honesty, it needed to happen. CXS needed to learn his actions have consequences but that he cannot go through an unchangeable node. And he shouldn't. Hypocrite? Well, yes, but it's a reasonable lesson to learn when you have CXS's powers. Not to spoil LCLA, but this arc has exactly the same purpose: proving CXS that he's not playing superhero here, he cannot be doing this for himself, this is real life with real people and he needs to understand the purpose of his dives in order to be able to protect himself.
1) Lu Guang has nothing to return to, he's only diving forwards by taking the back door. Cheng Xiaoshi? Once he changes the past, chances are he won't be able to return to the time he's sharing with Lu Guang and Qiao Ling. 2) Cheng Xiaoshi has no right to decide what needs to happen in the past only to make it easier for people in the present. That's not healing. He lives through his host but he shouldn't give in to what the host wants, should keep in mind what needs to be.
Ironically, Emma's case required Cheng Xiaoshi to be passive and not ease her mind by reaching out to her parents, while the earthquake arc teaches him that it's okay to communicate his host's feelings. In the second case, everyone is at a dead end. Would that imply that Emma wasn't? Does it mean Emma's story wasn't supposed to end? Sending a message to her parents in the middle of the night didn't change anything related to their mission but it did change her path. If Lu Guang wants for her to survive, it either means she is alive in the original timeline or her role shifts from host to Cheng Xiaoshi's downfall.
Again, it's only a supposition but she could be the first nail to CXS's coffin, actively or passively. 1) He would take accountability regarding the role he played in her death. It could send CXS on a very dangerous path, one with guilt, depression and... We know the possible outcome for this. 2) The fact he puts her on Liu Min's path and therefore puts himself on Li Tianchen's radar would definitely be the trigger for his own death. If we project more in the future, we can guess it makes him visible by other power users such as Liu Xiao or Vein. Lu Guang wouldn't want that.
I cannot shake the feeling that Cheng Xiaoshi saving Emma was a needed correction that Lu Guang supported. The reason why he was trying to hide the case from Cheng Xiaoshi and, again, lie to his face about the truth, could be that he didn't want Cheng Xiaoshi to be hurt. He probably knew that if he involved himself with this case, someone will notice him/them.
True, Lu Guang was surprised/panicked when Cheng Xiaoshi's rescue mission almost succeeded but I think he's even more disturbed by the fact someone with ability stepped in the game. Death is supposed to be an unchangeable node but what if this death specifically happened only because someone other than Cheng Xiaoshi played a part in it? That would change things.
In the end, it is a bit difficult to trust season 1 finale when you know they took a different direction than initially planned. This character killing Emma could not be Li Tianchen. Or maybe the one possessing Qiao Ling was supposed to be Vein. The words "this is your punishment for breaking the rules of the games. Now the game has been reset" are ominous as fuck when you know what is probably coming in Yingdu Chapter.
You know what's kinda messed up when you think about it? At the end of S1, Lu Guang let Cheng Xiaoshi try and save Emma. And you're kinda thinking "wtf? That doesn't sound like Lu Guang at all" but then you get to S2 and you realize Lu Guang most likely knew exactly what was going to happen (at least I think so? Time stuff is a bit weird, so idk what all is similar and different with the timelines), so he let Cheng Xiaoshi try and save Emma, knowing full well that Cheng Xiaoshi wouldn't be able to because he knew what was going to happen next.
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rahh guess whose bored and also back
#ahhhhwagoowakagableh#I am actually alive I swear#no the Chloeitis did not get me#but it sure is goddamn TRYIN bro#ALSO. GUYS.#GUESS WHO HAS M E D I C A T I O N#ya boi got put on ZOLOFT of all things#it's been a mess. but I think it's gonna be worth it#and and and and and!#I have arrrrrts#no fics yet though. been pokey.#mostly been away to deal with above mentioned 'pen on zoloft' deal#I have been SO...YEAH.#just yeah I have been very yeah#I am so glad that woman gave me anxiety meds as needed with it because I was gonna NEED it on this other bitch lol#try going from 0 to 60 heart rate for like. no reason#please I just wanted to do the eepy#and a lot of other shit happened this month too and a lot of it is really. bad.#but I'm trying to NOT think about any of that and just be whatever I am and do whatever I'm doing#I'm sorry this is so long I didn't want to make a real news thing#I was lazy and also yknow. the hate spam lol#but YEAH if you made it this far hi hello I am alive yaaay#time to abuse my PPAA children again :3#and my mutuals while I'm at it-#HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
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goodnight tumblr
Fair warning the ramble in the tags is long af
#Quick thought before I drop dead from tiredness#I love my friends#and I kind of#I really love my life right now#Which is weird bc it’s actually really stressful time and I’m not really doing well but#I have friends#Good friends#and my blog#and I feel like a person again#I feel like I’m finally getting back to ‘me’ if I hadn’t been ‘best friends’ with a toxic bitch#She basically shredded my self esteem#Two years of that shit messed me up man#Not to mention my mother#But I think I’ve gotten to the point where I’m able to separate that shit from who I actually AM yk#And man I fucking love my friends#Both on and offline#But irl/in school friendships were something I was struggling with#And#yk it was fucking worth the wait#I love them so much#im so#fucking fucking glad I know them#Yeah#Of course I’m petrified of losing them like everyone else#But for once I don’t THINK I will#I’m not going into this with some morbid sense of doom#My ‘six month expiry’ date is not gonna expire bc im manifesting my way thru this shit#Anyway goodnight sorry for the ramble
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nano day 20-25
20- 1952
21- 771
22- 643
23&24- 0 (don’t look at meeee I didn’t have time lol)
25- 2233
Total word count: 32149, 25885 towards main wip (!!!)
I didn’t realize how many days had gone by without updating lol but it’s fine bc it’s not like anyone’s really keeping track
anyway it’s v apparent I’m not hitting the 50k BUT IT’S OKAY! I’ve made peace with it. It was p dumb of me to start the month going “I just wanna write as much as I can” bc obv I was setting myself up for disappointment. So if I’m able to reach just 30k on my main wip, I’ll be happy.
Also patting myself on the back for reaching +25k, I think the 30k will be v feasible with the remaining 5 days. That’s <1k a day!
Also finished the 12th scene! We’re over a third of the way through the project :D (which admittedly is around where I hit my typical story middle slump, but I’m hoping I can remain consistent after November)
#also abt the 50k. I posted a fic too so that’s worth celebrating#I’ve written a lot I’m def not discrediting that#plus those extra 20k words are gonna get written regardless just not within this month it’s fine#I’m expecting this project to be ~75-80k#so there’s gonna be plenty left to do after November anyway#scene 13 is a Big Emotional scene so I hope I don’t flub it up#but I’m excited for it I think it’ll be good. I’ve had ideas for this scene in particular for a while#so its crazy that I’m finally writing it#I def feel like this entire story has been a HOT mess so far#mostly bc these characters have been living in my head for so long that I keep forgetting the gradual progression of their development#I feel like I keep skipping significant moments in their growth bc I’m so used to how they’re /supposed/ to be#but it’s cool. I never expected a lot of this draft to be solid anyway but what matters is that it’s something to work with!!#also feel like it jumps around a lot. like the flow between scenes isn’t entirely clear#and that’s mostly bc I don’t wanna write scene connectors rn lol#but that’s always something I can grumble and groan about later#dahl does nano 23
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so um. very glad that throughout all this time i never had the end poem spoiled to me
#i uh. i thought that beating the game would feel cheap bc i cheated and got tired of it and sped to the end#but uh. no. that. poem. it makes it all worth it. kinda feels like a culmination of all my time playing minecraft yknow#not gonna stop now ofc i have some worlds i might mess around in but. i did beat the game#i did beat minecraft finally. i did fight the dragon in easy mode i decided to allow it be some kinda fight#its whatever tbh. but the end poem is. uhm. god#yeah adding minecraft to the list of things (media ig?) that got me close to crying#shame i struggle to cry in general but fucking god man. thats a good end poem#yknow id been wondering abt that minecraft song (alpha) and wondering just what it’d be used for in game#finally found out. holy shit. there was smth i wanted to say hang on#its wrong to say exactly that i never had it spoiled to me- more that i didnt actually know what it was#zeemyth used parts of it in his farlands vid and i’d worried that he’d used most of it#but no. no no no i have never ever seen the full thing before#ooooooh boy. its a good end poem for dismissing any guilt i wouldve felt for cheating#salty talks#minecraft#i still. have mixed feelings abt the game. i still need to find out a way that i like playing it#i play on hypixel every so often. i think i enjoy that? its been a bit i do like it with friends#i remember running a warrior rp house in there it got briefly popular (idk ~20 ppl at one point i think it was years ago)#its moon landing day but also salty finally beats minecraft day#didnt even beat it on my computer (same acct tho) bc it does not run well on my computer a lot of the time#oh fuck no these credits are like an hour long? how do i skip this shit i got what i came here for
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love is real 💕
#myevilposts#i could fly i could fly this whole time#like everybody else. it's true. it's all all all TRUE!#i've been drowning but now i'm learning how to swim. i've been drowning but i'm learning how to breathe under water.#i love how it feels so different every time but it's still all the same. it's exciting familiarity.#i'm different.... my body can't regulate its hormones. my heart can't regulate its blood flow.#something about being held in vein. you know me.#i will not let it tint my world. rose colored glasses be damned/blessed. i'm talking about limelight.#spray paint away the green until there's nothing left but tags upon tags upon tags. 50 dollars worth even. to have is close to having....#isn't it messed up how i'm just dying to be him? or be with him. you know me.#it's nuts being dragged both opposite ways by the hair or lack thereof. what a novel idea. my initial would still be E.#sometimes (and i think it's normal but not right) i want to wrap it all up around my fingers and TUG as hard as i can until#it all comes out. drag her around until i physically can't anymore. i want to draw her. i want to draw her blood.#but i needn't worry about those things. money is green too.#and in this case so is hope.#when i say i'm gonna touch the sky. when i say i'm gonna be a star.#i mean the second one to the left. never never and all.#i wrote a little number about that and i think i might call it 'one' which is! on record! and on record! what i so crave.#i will know synchronicity! i will know intimately. everything will MANifest but not like that.#not what you're thinking. you know me.#lookin after no. 1 and all. lol. kind of ironic but it's whatevs.#he looks just like me.
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I've been waiting for Caleb's tome for like 3 years now and I wish I was more excited about it, but knowing that I probably won't be able to play the game so I can get his outfit and charms is killing a lot of my excitement over it. My living situation for the past year has made it difficult to play any online games and I've been hoping things would be fixed by now but they aren't. I know it's literally just a game but I've been looking forward for this for so long and I'm probably gonna miss out on most of it.
#my friend has my ps account on her ps5 and she said she's gonna try to play for me when she can#and I'm grateful for that but it's not gonna be the same as earning it myself#and like i don't feel upset over this it's more of that feeling of “meh”#but it's the fact that my reaction is completely different from the joy i imagined I'd get out of the news that's messing with me ig#especially since it's coming out so close to my birthday#i always joked to my friend that getting a caleb and zarina tome in January would be the best birthday gift ever#the internet where we're at rn is shitty but maybe with the money I've been saving i can get a decent plan for a bit#but i don't think drawing money for this is really worth it with everything else I've got going on#but at least I'll still get to read his tome when it gets posted#maybe it won't suck#bhvr PLEASE don't fuck this up
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Number of Goblins, ranked
One Goblin - That's just a goblin. He's probably just getting his groceries or something. Leave him alone, you asshole.
Ten Goblins -- That's a fairly normal amount of goblins. There's generally around ten goblins in any given situations. They're just here for aesthetic, so you know it's a fantasy world. Remember to tip them when you leave.
One Hundred Goblins -- Ok this is too many goblins, but this is a reasonable amount of too many goblins. Like, this is maybe an army of goblins or something? My point is that they're probably here for a good reason. Best not to mess with them, they're likely load-bearing in some way.
One Thousand Goblins -- This is probably a goblin town, in which case this is really more a case of One Human, which is a completely different list only available on goblintube. If not, all these goblins are lost. Return them to the goblin town. The orcs are worried.
One Million Goblins -- A million goblins? I'm not sure I've even seen a million things in my life , and now there's a million goblins? That's, like, all the goblins. Why are you at a convention of all the goblins? Are you a goblin? Actually, no, that would make sense. Yeah, that's probably what's going on here. Sorry you had to find out this way.
One Billion Goblins -- Ok, look, at this point you have clearly been sent to a future time where humanity is extinct and goblins have inherited the earth. I can think of no other explanation for a billion goblins. This sadly means that you're the weirdo, and you have to go be a cryptid now. At least you can find a phone and read the goblin creepypastas about you.
One Trillion Goblins -- How? What is happening? This is more goblins then there are birds, and they'll all in your house? How is your house this big? Wait, forget the goblins, how is your house this big? Are the goblins here to guillotine you? Probably! Move out of your stupid mansion and let the goblins have it, you weird rich bird-hoarding freak.
One Quadrillion Goblins -- One quadrillion? I'm only like 80% sure that's even a real number! Luckily, you won't have to deal with a quadrillion goblins for long, because soon they'll collapse together under their gravity, forming a far more manageable single planet-sized goblin. Picard's not gonna be happy about this one!
More Goblins -- Fuck off, you do not have more then a quadrillion goblins. Why are you lying? Are you worried I won't like you if you don't claim to have an implausible number of goblins? Don't worry. Your worth is not dependent on your goblin numbers. Go back to the actual number of goblins secure in the fact I love you, no matter how few goblins you have <3
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i just really need to hear its okay if i dont hit some goals i set for myself for this week. or ever, really
#i know i shouldnt be pushing myself if especially my mental health cant take it but i just feel bad for not doing things#and its even stupider cause this is about something as silly as writing. like i really wanted to get two fics done this week#and i have one written i just gotta edit it. and another one is all planned out so its just the matter of working on things#cause i wanna move to some other stuff and hitting a 50 fics in a rarepair tag would have been a nice milestone to reach this week maybe#but i just dont think i can do that. and its silly and its stupid but i feel so bad about it#i know i shouldnt and i dont owe anyone any of this and ppl dont expect anything from me in this regard but like#idk it just feels bad that i dont think i can do that after being so ready and excited for it#like.. my depression is so paralyzing. im barely getting through things i absolutely have to. let alone things i wanna do and find fun#i dont know where i was going with this. i just want to hear its okay if im slacking off cause i cant do anything#i know mental health issues and depression and such do this. but even knowing that it just makes me feel worse tbh#like oh. im not strong enough to resist any of this. my brain fucking sucks im a failure#and i know thats a wrong way to think that but again.. depressed anxiety brain. what are you gonna do really#so like.. yeah. i dont know im just trying to get through stuff day by day at this point. idk if it worth it but im trying. desperately#clinging to the little bit of fleeting happiness i have in the horizon#idk. im gonna do something to distract myself and eat cookies. carry on#night is an absolute mess on main
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bang chan recs (18+)
key: !!! = personal favourite, s = smut, f = fluff, a = angst
add. notes: hai :3 i know i said i would make a skz recs list but the minute i scrolled thru my likes n started saving from chan onwards, i realised i had Too many recommended fics for him (this list is like 40 fics/drabbles long....) so i decided to just make member separate posts instead!!! i tried not to have repeats of authors to give u guys a broader scope to choose from n also sorry in advance that i yapped so much abt them it's just like . these r my all time fav authors so it's expected. anyways i hope u guys love these works as much as i do bcs they r from some of my absolute fav creators n plz give them lots of love n always make sure to appreciate these ppl <3
. . .
hopelessly devoted to you — @changbunnies (!!!, s, a?)
this was literally a 11/10 fic like i am not even joking rn. i luv greaser chan n even tho he messed up, the way he makes it up to mc is so so soooo sweet. the fact that he's so gone n pussydrunk while eating her out, the sweetness in how he holds her n fucks her is all too mindnumbing n i hope u continue writing bcs u r amazing at it!! i will always come back 2 this when i need a pick me up fr
2. bad idea — @hyunsvngs (!!!, s)
JUNOOOOO my lovely baby.... i adore u n all ur work always but this fic. This Fic. it changed the trajectory of my life. like not even kidding but i was a different person when i started reading this n when i finished it i was Changed. life is worth living now, the grass is greener n the birds always sing 2 me which i firmly believe is bcs of u n this beautiful yummy fic. i fucking LOVE stepdad chan sm like there's smth so gross n nasty abt fucking ur mom's bf n even tho mc is a menace, i still loved it. never stop doing what u do!!!
3. 1095 days — @luvyeni (s)
EX INMATE CHAN RAHHHHH!! i have akshewally been following ur work for so long n i LOVE!! the way u write :3 thank u for always churning out ur work so fast n being so good at what u do. im obv a sucker for daddy kink considering i eat it up every time n it's so fucking good i love how chan cares for mc n the way he gives it to her once he's back. mark my words i will EAT this man up n this fic whenever i stumble across it
4. milk and honey — @straykeedz (s, f, a?)
user straykeedz u have to stop... ur work too addicting n perfect.. ur depiction of chan too real n crazy (/pos)... they're gonna get u... but seriously i love bffs2lovers so bad n the way u always characterise chan n make him call mc so many cute pet names melts my heart :( i've also been following U for a long time n even tho everything u write is so so soooo good, this has to be one of my faves alongside ur inexperienced chan fic. i hope u don't pressure urself too much to update n jus do what u have to do :D
5. my wife — @chrizzztopherbang (s, f)
ngl i Think this is my first fic from u cus i followed u bcs of it n that's a given honestly cus newly turned husband chan?? eating his wife out metres away from his friends n family on the other side of the door n fucking her within an inch of her life right after they're pronounced husband n wife?? i love it i loved their bickering over who's a pervert n i just love the idea of mc finally calling the love of her life hers forever. i hope they r always happy alongside u
6. sweet nothing — @frenchkisstheabyss (!!!, s, f, a)
this fic actually changed me as a person too not even kidding. i EAT UP exes to lovers n the portrayal of it was so good here bcs there's so much unspoken tension between the two n then chan begging mc to not leave again n her promising she won't bcs all she wants to do is be his at last?? AWOOGAAAAA i need him so bad it's jinja michin (i am so cringe sorry..) ANYWAYS!! i hope u know tattoo artist + ex bangchan is a crazy combo n that the makeup sex was HOT HOT HOT!!! plz keep writing i adore u <3
7. pick you up — @moonchild9350 (!!!, s)
see idk if this is tmi but sex where ure being picked up n fucked is downright nasty in the best possible way n i fear i need to get railed like that by chan so u writing abt is literally u making my fantasies come true. this fic was a delicious mix of cute w chan telling mc he only works out so he can pick her up (based off of his bbl texts obv) n hot w him Actually fucking her within an inch of her life. i love all ur work tee bee eich so keep doing what ur doing!!!
8. spring has sprung — @cbini (!!!, f, s)
miss ems where do i even begin with u.. (u probably Do Not Know me but i know u smirk emoji. soz that was weird erm but ya i am the binnie anon who said u deserve changbin LOLZ) this fic was the perfect mix of cuteness w raw passionate fucking i love the idea of chan getting hard bcs ur dressed so preciously in a pretty dress i think it's rooted somewhere in his slight corruption kink which comes out def when u r all dolled up for him. anyways u never miss n i hope u know that <3
9. walking in on rooomate!chan / pt. 2 — @kacciidubs (!!!, s, f)
going 2 be very honest here i do not even remember what happened in part 1 bcs part 2 of this roommate chan fic actually blew my mind away like Seriously user kacciidubs u r insane!!! all ur work never misses n i am always so eager whenever u post bcs i've been following u n loving everything u put out for so long. ofc ur chan work is my favourite as u can tell but this fic... this fic was crazy the switch between daddy n sir oh my god what if i cream my pants rn. plz never stop writing <3
10. last nerve / pt. 2 — @cb97percent (!!!, s)
user cb97percent let me just preface this by saying whatever u write is INSANE. like i already knew u were a great writer but this fic? changed me as a person not even joking rn. the way mc n chan banter n how chan's an asshole who is pissed off how he can't get it up anymore unless he fucks mc is so funny n how the raw passion between them results in the best sex Ever. n ofc the ending w minho took me out n Yea i just . i have no words plz never stop writing to u as well
11. hush — @petrichor-han (s)
sucker for exhibitionism n sucker for chan so what better way to comemorate this occasion than by reading abt it? this entire scenario was so hot like honestly i can totally imagine chan's bitchass doing this bcs he's so cheeky in nature he would lose himself from the thrill of almost getting caught. u r amazing as always thank u for churning out so much content for kinktober may god or whoever u believe in bless u with eternal inspiration
12. daddy!chan helping you shave — @hyunjins-orange-slice-too (!!!, s, f)
i sent u an ask already talking abt how much i love u n everything u write but THIS. this made me weak in the knees bcs i have imagined this very scenario so many times if im being brutally honest. there's smth so sweet n domestic abt the act of helping ur partner shave n with daddy chan in the mix? kill me now plz. the way he asks if he can play w mc once he's done n how he sternly instructs her to be safe like omgkjdfjhjdfgjhhjg need him in ways that give the pits of hell a run for its money w how hot n nasty im abt to be fr
13. one last time — @baby-yongbok (!!!, s, a?)
like i said, i am a sucker for the exes to lovers pipeline alongside husband chan so while this isn't Either of those things entirely it still scratches the itch in my brain very very well. the way mc n chan exchange snarky remarks n how chan only says he's satisfied once they're done fucking OHHHH MYYYYY GODDDD... need this man carnally like i would dump him just so he can fuck me the way he fucked mc in this fr (that is a lie we r locked in 4 life). u r brilliant as always i always look forward to ur work so next time u r questioning if this is worth it just know lovscb97 on tumblr has ur back fr
14. chan ask drabble #1 — @skzms (s)
maymay.. my eternal luvr... the genius behind smrsmf minsung... ofc u were bound to eat this up n end up on this list. idgaf if it's just an ask answer or drabble bcs the way u write is so . so Elegant. i love how u always use ur words to describe the emotion lingering between ppl in love n the way u do it here w chan n mc, the way he reassures her afterwards n how he promises her he'll give her everything later while fucking his fingers into her ohhhh mannnn.. i can just imagine him in his suit thank u for bringing the vision to life fr
15. you're right, baby — @chlorinecake (s, f)
soft dom chan who is ur fiancé fucking u n claiming u bcs he's a lil pouty that u forgot ur ring?? n then going so far to say he'll cum in u to make sure everyone knows who u belong to?? RAHHHHHH HE NEEDS ME!!! this was written so deliciously i loved the way mc n chan cared for each other n also the ending was so cute LOLZ hope they r happy in every universe n that their wedding goes great fr u r an awesome writer user chlorinecake
16. silence — @valkyriexo (s, a)
make up sex make up sex make up sex!!! i love it so good even tho it hurts so bad when mc realises chan forgot to show up :( but the fact that he makes it up to her by begging her to not leave him n making her cum as many times on his tongue as possible for her to forgive him?? INSANITY!! the longing in their eyes n words n actions from how much they've missed e/o when he finally touches mc n oh man.. u ate this up
17. corruption — @goquokka00 (s)
STEPBRO CHAN RAHHHHH i am a sucker for him (in more ways than one iygwim eheheh.. soz) i loved the sinister blackmail u added into the story n how he fucked mc bcs of her bad grades by making up some shit excuse abt learning how to please someone like y/n u can't be this dense girl!!! (i'd do it too if he asked me #Tbh) ANYWAYS. idk how this didn't have more notes bcs it was hot asfk i hope u keep writing more stuff to come :3
18. chef's kiss — @hyuniepies (s, f)
the tenderness of mc n chan's love mixed w the nasty dirty talk ohhhh hyuniepies u r a GENIUS!! this is exactly how i imagine domestic life w chan would be like; him coming back home to u cooking a dinner n then fucking u absolutely silly on the countertop bcs he just can't wait after getting a look at ur figure n bcs he's missed u so much. i too would be obsessed w bangchan if (read: when) he becomes my husband teehee
19. chan ask drabble #2 — @miupow (!!!, s)
USER MIUPOW UR FUCKING BRAIN!! HOW DO U CARRY SUCH A HUGE BRAIN IN UR HEAD!!! DOES UR BACK NOT HURT FROM HOLDING UP THE DELICIOUS IDEAS OF BCHAN SIZE KINK!!! like i told u yst i love ur writing n i love U so bad. u always eat w every request or idea u come up with n i absolutely adore that for u i hope u truly never stop writing bcs u have a serious gift n i hope ppl keep telling u that constantly bcs i sure as hell will <3
20. pretty mouth of yours — @jeongin-lvr (s, f)
need to give chan head like . Yesterday. but OHHHH MEINNNN GOTTTT fiancé channie w mc sucking him off so pretty u know exactly what im a sucker for u dont u user jeongin-lvr? ur writing is tooooooo good i swear i have read so much of ur work n granted this is one of my fave chan works from u icl i love the jeongin ones even more but i'll add those to my innie recs list later :3 ANYWAYS!! plz never stop writing u r awesomesauce (cringe.) n i love u hope u r having a great day today
21. daddy issues — @hwan-g (!!!, s, a)
HELLO THIS FUCKING FICCCCC... it is so good so delicious so fucking beautifully written that it brought tears to my eyes no joke. i still remember the first time i stumbled across it n like wow.. i think i dmed u on my side reading account too to express how much i liked it bcs i rly Did like it truly was a piece of art n sometimes i can't believe ppl like u just write stuff like this for free?? u should be getting paid good money bcs all ur work ALWAYS eats <3
22. closing the distance / pt. 2 — @thefantasyden (s, f)
ik long distance relationships r tough n it's awful when u can't spend time w each other physically or touch either but hear me out . it would Not suck w chan bcs he'd do everything for u the way he does everything for mc in this fic. from how he shows up n is too nervy to kiss her to them finally touching each other for the first time n then she moves back to him?? ohhhh man i love love n i love U for making this ur work always eats n trust that i'll always come back to this fic when i need to rmb how much i love chan
23. riding chan's thigh/knees — @faeryacha (!!!, s, f)
i love daddy chan so bad im sorry im not even gonna hide it anymore n i love the way he was written here too, from the way he asks if mc wants to play to the way he has her fuck herself on him to get herself off like i'm not even into little space like that but the minute he refers to himself as daddy n speaks to me all soft n protective im on my knees on the floor ready to suck him off like my life depends on it. u ate so bad w this plz continue doing more amazing work in the future!!!
24. steamy desires — @notsoangels (s)
shower sex w chan mngnghfhghgh.. need him so bad id let him fuck me anywhere as he pleases but in the shower?? w the hot water cascading over us w just us in our little world like omgomgomg NEED. i love the simplicity in ur writing too n how it paints a picture in my mind bcs i can vividly imagine all of this happening like him making u squirt on his cock n then rinsing u off so u can spend time wrapped up with each other on the bed like plz. One chance plz.
25. the fuckboy next door — @seospicybin (!!!, s, a)
miss seospicybin.. how do u always do it? how do u always come out w the most mindbreaking jawdropping amazing insane array of fics without even breaking a sweat like hello? this series is so fucking good from the smut to the angst that hurts so good. i love the development of the plot n that chan tries So hard to be true to mc so he can be w her n the way she tells him to do it for himself like :( they deserve each other sm i am very much looking forward to part 4!!!
26. pussydrunk chan — @aeliuss (s, f)
mngngngngjghgh i love pussydrunk chan so bad n i love the idea of him being so infatuated w mc that he just Had to drag her away n eat her out. i also love that he's there to support her in the end n how turned on he gets from her just being herself like that is a real man!!! n the way it's so reflective of how chan is irl too? i feel like this is how exactly how he'd behave— needy but so so soo in love with u too
27. kitty — @bandgie (!!!, s, f)
no joke this fic made my pussy throb. i need him 2 do this to him so bad bcs i need Him so bad. the way u wrote the subspace drop n how immersed mc was in her role n the way chan guides her thru everything n then the aftermath of it like hngnngnfgddjghjgh... i always have loved ur writing but this particular piece rly got to me along w ur kinktober series i hope u continue to do writing bcs u seriously so so SO good at it fr!!
28. angel eyes — @temptaetions (!!!, s, a)
this fic. this fucking FIC. bro this is actual evidence of the fact that literary geniuses exist bcs the way u wrote so beautifully not just the actual smut but the whole storyline?? u r a godsend fr like u should be getting paid to put out work of this degree. not only r u a PHENOMENAL writer but i hope u never stop writing bcs this was actually so so lovely n amazing to read i wish i could revisit the first time i read this T_T
29. just (fucking) friends? — @snowyquokka (s)
HELLOOOO i love possessive fwb chan almost as much as i love ur writing!! the way he's so annoyed at how she said they're just friends so he takes out his anger on her but then at the same time asks her what her color is to make sure she's still okay WOWZAAAA.. need him Bad. n in the end when they both agree they don't wanna be just friends like chan.. i don't want 2 be just friends either.. come 2 me plz... anyways very yummy work fr
30. american whiskey — @straywrds (!!!, s, a)
this fic... how do i even begin w this fic... the way u write is actually so . so otherwordly yk? u rly pour all ur passion into ur writing n the way u describe everything like every emotion every detail every feeling it's so raw n real that it touches my heart. i can Feel what each of the characters go thru n the SMUT... the smut is so so delicious ofc. i've read ur other work n u r such a good writer plz keep going with what u do i will always support u fr
31. free use w/ soft dom chris — @hwanghyunjinenthusiast (s, f)
the dirty talk in this.. hngnngkgjjdgjjh. i need free use w daddy!chan just as bad as i need to reread this fic ten times until it's ingrained in my brain n any telepath w the ability to read minds out there is disgusted by how many times i think abt it (idk what this analogy was i am sorry). the way he eats mc out n the way he fucks her omgfkjdgjhjhgjh NEED HIM RAHHHHH u did so well w this
32. play tight / pt. 4 — @roseykat (s, a)
squirting w chan squirting w chan SQUIRTING!! W CHAN!!! the way he makes mc do it once n then immediately goes "yea i need to feel that on my dick" n fucks her within an inch of her life like ohmygodjkdjhsfghj i did eat up the angst too but the way u wrote them fuckinig was so nasty n delicious I ENJOYED IT SM!! this entire series is such a good read even tho it's not chan centered idk if there r more parts to it but if there r plz link me to them!!
33. dream you — @charmercharm3r (s, f)
ok i know we r discussing smut n all n trust that i will get to that but THIS!! this was so cute n precious ohemgee the way he loves mc n takes care of her n banters w her at the start so lovingly is so so precious to me i want him so bad :( the smut was also very delicious w chan switching to hard dom mode n making mc suck him off before ravishing her like oh my god PLZZZZ FUCK ME PLZPLZPLZ u did so well on this plz continue writing more for me at the least <3
34. brat-taming w/ chan — @blurboki (s)
this damn drabble was so.. hngngjfjghjhdgjh. i want 2 be a brat to chan so bad n act out just so he'll snap n put me into my place which is exactly what u wrote n i LOVED IT!!! it's so short n simple (not a bad thing at all btw) yet it's so powerful too? i love the characterisation of chan cus i firmly believe this is how he'd act in bed w a fussy bratty s/o like wow. Just wow. i love u and ur delicious mind i hope u r having a great day just for this :3
35. tell me all about it.. — @chnsbm (s, f)
hngnfjhdfsjghgjh the idea of chan making u forget all about ur stress n playing with u to help u sleep is so gfjfjjjffjhgjhjh HOT!!! the way he lovingly reassures mc like u don't need to worry abt it now just let me take care of u n how he's such a fuckin TEASE!! w the way he's touching her is so so hot u ate w this idea n i will forever die on the hill that this is really smth chan would do— tease u n make u talk while he's doing ungodly things to u just to see u stutter over ur words
36. be that guy — @daizymax (!!!, s, a)
i have said it once i have said it twice n i will say it one more time bcs i don't care how many times i need to reiterate it needs to be said: EXES TO LOVERS W CHAN IS TOP TIER!!! the smut in this was so delicious but the LONGING chan had for mc.. the way he felt the twinge in his chest for letting her go oh man.. i'd take him back if he so even looked at me but maybe im just crazy. BUT ANYWAYS!! this is possibly one of the hottest chan smuts there ever is so thank U for this delicious gift fr
37. more than just friends — @kwanisms (!!!, s, f)
werewolf chan my luvr... my big strong baby who will knock me up w his knot n fuck me until the sun rises RAHHHHHHHH!!! this was so so SOOOOO good n yummy like from the way he pinned mc to the wall to the way he ordered her around n how his self restraint snapped the moment she called him daddy like why's that so Me behaviour HELPPPP anyways user kwanisms u fucking ATE w this i hope ur pillow is cold every night u go to sleep <3
38. connected — @j-0ne25 (s, f, a)
let me just start this by saying I FUCKING LOVE U USER J-0NE25!!! ur interactive stories esp megaverse r so fucking good how r u so bigbrained my dumbass could never like actually JSDHJFJHGJH. anyways i rmb reading this very vividly n oh boy.. "baby patience, or do you need me to teach you a lesson?" Brother my panties r drenched n off dont even start w me rn. anyways this was so so delicious plz never stop writing i beg u
39. chan ask drabble #3 — @hyungszn (!!!, s, f)
saved the best for last but CLOVER.. (u dk me but i am ur biggest fan hai :3) "your mouth is saying no but your body is telling me a different story, mrs. bang." GRRRHJDJSDFJHKJSFKJSFKJGJ... I NEED HIM SOO FUCKING BAD!!! the way they banter even while having nasty sex n just love each other so bad n hello my breeding kink went feral w this. when mc asked him to not eat his cum out of her pussy n he was like "and why is that?" cus he wanted to hear her say it GRAHHHHH I WILL EAT HIM!!! on a side note, u r so so soooo amazing i have been reading ur work for so long i think since american pie n i can safely say u r one of the best skzblr writers i have ever seen along w so many other ppl like plz keep up the good work bcs i will ALWAYS support u for it !!!
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add notes: thank u very much to all these amazing writers fr. if ur work wasn't featured here now do not fret!! i probably (most definitely knowing my dumbass) just missed it cus i didn't scroll Very far down in my likes (there's like 2k+....) so trust that u will most likely end up on the next recs list!! i love u all very much regardless if u r here or not n as always a very big thank u once more for all ur amazing hard work, u r all doing so well n i hope u guys know that <3
#✰ sunny's skz recs!#bang chan#bangchan#bang chan smut#bangchan smut#bang chan fluff#bangchan fluff#bangchan x reader#bang chan x you
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it's all you're good for, right? - r.c
pairing: bitchy!pogue!reader x rafe
rafe knew you wouldn’t take his disrespect lightly.
you never did.
he’d expected you to blow up the second he pulled that ignoring shit at the dinning. he was ready for it—your texts coming in hot, maybe you showing up at his house, ready to tear into him like you always did when he pushed too far. he'd never say it out loud, but a part of him almost liked it, the way you’d get all fired up, spitting mad. it was hot.
but you didn’t call. not a single text. you didn’t show up to the party that weekend, and when he tried to hit you up, just looking for a booty call—because fuck, he was so hard thinking about you—it went straight to voicemail. he stared at his phone like an idiot, calling again. blocked.
you? block him? nah, that wasn’t supposed to happen. rafe was the one with the power here, or at least, that’s how it used to be. it was always this push and pull, but he was the one pulling the strings, right? no fucking pogue was ever going to order him around. right?
wrong. the next weekend rolls around, and there you are at one of his parties, looking good as ever, laughing with your friends like nothing happened. and still, not even a glance his way. for two weeks now, you’ve been completely ignoring him, and it’s starting to get under his skin. more than it should.
he watches you from across the yard like a fucking creep, sipping his drink and trying to act like he doesn’t give a fuck, but inside, he’s low-key losing it. he half-expected you to walk right up to him and give him hell like you always do. but no, you’re just... doing your own thing.
but what’s really making his head spin is what you're wearing. the outfit is pure trouble—skin-tight and leaving almost nothing to the imagination. a barely-there black mini skirt, riding up just enough to make his jaw clench, paired with a tiny top that’s more like a bralette than an actual shirt. it’s low-cut and clings to your curves, thin straps barely holding it in place, and the way it hugs your body?
yeah, he’s fucked. the way the skirt moves when you walk, teasing just enough thigh? it’s like you knew he’d be watching.
he hates how much it turns him on.
every guy at the party notices. he can see the way their eyes follow you as you move through the crowd, laughing, like you don’t even care. but it’s the way you’re ignoring him that’s really pushing him to the edge. normally, rafe loves the attention despite the look of disgust he always greets you with when you show up. loves knowing you’re secretly going to end up in his bed. but tonight? he’s not so sure and it’s killing him.
by the time he corners you, all he can think about is tearing that outfit off. the silent treatment? that shit was way worse than anything you could've said.
“alrigh’, i get it,” he starts, throwing his hands up like he’s already done with this conversation. “jesus christ.”
you just blink up at him, completely unfazed, like he’s not even worth a reaction. his words might as well be bouncing off a wall. the fact that you’re standing there looking so fucking good, and acting like he doesn’t even exist, is messing with his head more than anything you could’ve said.
he’s pissed, yeah, but more than that, he’s desperate. desperate for a reaction. for anything. but you just brush past him, your body touching his for the briefest second, like you’re doing it on purpose just to make him snap.
rafe stands there for a second, blinking in disbelief. did you just really blow him off like that?
before he even realizes it, he's following after you, shoving through the crowd like a man possessed.
“are you serious right now?” he hisses when he catches up, grabbing your wrist lightly but firm enough to make you stop. the emotion in his voice is undeniable, and everyone nearby is pretending not to watch the little scene. “you're really just gonna walk past me like that?”
karma’s a bitch.
you finally turn to him, but the look in your eyes isn’t anger—it’s indifference. that cold, detached stare that fucks with his head more than any of the shouting matches you’ve had in the past. you pull your wrist free with ease, like his grip is nothing.
“’m over it,” you say coolly, like you’ve already moved on from the whole thing, “whatever this is? it’s not worth my time.”
that does it.
he’s used to the back and forth, the fire between you, but this, you acting like you don’t care at all—it’s new, and it pisses him off more than he thought possible. he steps closer, dropping his voice lower so no one else can hear.
“bullshit,” he says, eyes narrowing. “you’re pissed, i get it. but don’t act like you’re done with me. you aren’t.”
the smirk that curls on your lips is almost cruel.
“watch me.”
you turn and walk away, leaving rafe standing there. he knows he should let it go, but every time he tries to convince himself of that, the way your body looks in that outfit, the way you shut him down so easily, keeps replaying in his head.
and instead of walking away, he’s right back where he started, chasing after you like he can’t stand the idea of not having you anymore.
before you even get two steps away, he snaps.
his patience has run out, and all that pent-up frustration? yeah, it’s got him seeing red. he doesn’t even think about it—just moves. his hand wraps around your arm, and in one swift motion, he’s hoisting you up like you weigh nothing, slinging you over his shoulder.
“what the fuck, rafe!” you shout, your fists pounding on his muscular back, but he doesn’t stop. eyes burning, jaw clenched—he doesn’t give a shit who’s watching. not his friends, not anyone at the party. right now? he’s too pissed off and turned on to think straight.
you wriggle in his grip, your legs kicking, but he holds you tight, marching through the party like it’s no big deal, even though everyone’s definitely staring. he’ll deal with the fallout later.
“put me down!” you’re practically growling, and maybe under any other circumstances, he would’ve listened. but not tonight. tonight, he’s done playing nice, done pretending like he’s not obsessed with you or your body, done trying to act like he’s got control over this situation when clearly, you’re the one pulling all the strings.
his grip on you is tight, and possessive, and you’re too furious to care about how turned on you secretly are. he doesn’t stop until he reaches his room, kicking the door shut behind him with one solid thud. the sound of the lock clicking is loud in the tense silence. then, he throws you onto his bed, like you're nothing more than a ragdoll.
you bounce once, staring at him with wide eyes.
“what the fuck is wrong with you!” you snap, sitting up on the bed, glaring at him.
he’s pacing now, running his hands through his hair, wild-eyed, like he’s trying to calm himself down but can’t. he turns to you, his face twisted in frustration, like he’s been holding something in for way too long. and when he speaks, his voice cracks just enough to show how on edge he really is.
“you!” he explodes, pointing at you like you're the only thing in the room. “you’re what’s wrong with me!”
his pacing slows down, and suddenly he stops. he turns back to you, both his hands shooting up to his temples, fingers pressing into his head.
“you get in my fucking head,” he admits through gritted teeth, jabbing his fingers into his temples like he’s blaming you for every thought he's had for weeks. “i can’t think straight because of you. every fucking time, you crawl into my head and just—won’t—leave.”
instead of letting his little meltdown get to you, you lean back on your hands, with a bratty scoff. “how is that my fucking problem?” you snap, crossing your arms like you couldn’t care less about his breakdown. “that’s on you, not me. maybe you should try, i don’t know, leaving me alone.”
rafe stares at you, his chest heaving, his jaw clenched tight, “you think this is a joke?” he growls, stepping closer, closing the gap between you two, his presence almost suffocating. “you think you can just sit there and act like none of this is your fault?”
you give him a fake sweet smile, leaning forward just enough to be in his face, “maybe you shouldn’t have fucked me in the first place, hmm? god forbid your friends find out you’ve been slumming it with a pogue.”
it’s the fake docility in your smile that makes him want to break something. he steps even closer, his breath hot and heavy as his eyes lock onto yours, blue and furious.
"that’s what this is?" His voice is low, almost a growl. “you seriously don’t get it, do you?" he leans in, his face inches from yours, his expression almost daring you to keep pushing. "this—whatever the fuck this is between us—this isn’t about them. it’s about you." his hand shoots out, gripping your chin, forcing you to look at him. "don’t act like you didn’t know what you were getting into from the beginning."
you yank your chin free, rolling your eyes, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing how much he's getting to you. “right. you ignoring me at the dinner? guess i was supposed to just sit there and take it, huh? maybe you wanted me to be a good little bitch and not make any noise.”
you might be pissed, but you're not just angry—you're hurt, and that fucks with his head more than he cares to admit.
rafe huffs, running a hand through his hair in frustration, looking away for a second before turning back to you. “what the fuck do you want from me? huh? you want me to call you my girlfriend? you want me to fucking introduce you like this is some kind of relationship? be fucking serious.”
"be fucking serious?" you repeat, "you gave me a 200$ tip, you fucking asshole!" you shove him hard in the chest, catching him off guard. “like ’m some kind of fucking whore!”
rafe's eyes widen as he stumbles back a step, “wait—what? no, no, no. that’s not what it meant.”
you glare at him, shaking your head in disbelief. “of course, it fucking was!” you shout, shoving him again, harder this time. “what else would it mean, huh? you throw money at me like it’s supposed to make everything okay, like ’m some kind of... some kind of pogue you can pay off and keep quiet.”
he looks stunned, his mouth opening and closing like he’s trying to figure out what to say. “that’s not—fuck, that’s not what i meant. i wasn’t thinking about it like that, okay? i was trying to help you!" he blurts out, his tone defensive, like he can’t believe you’re twisting his intentions into something they weren’t.
you laugh, but it’s sharp, biting. “help me?” you stare at him like he’s lost his mind. “oh, please. shut the fuck up. why would you ever want to help me, rafe? be real.” he tries to speak, but before he can you’re already stepping back. “if you want to fuck me, just get on with it. i need to leave. so, make it quick.”
what?
“is that what you think this is?” he doesn’t move to touch you, but the tension is strong enough to feel suffocating. “you think ’m just here to—”
“to fuck me? yeah. that’s what this has always been about,” you cut him off, “and you know what? it’s okay. let’s not drag it out. do what you do best—take what you want and leave me the fuck alone.”
he’s not ready to admit that this feels more than just a hookup. he’s not sure if he will ever get there. rafe’s chest heaves as he stares at you. he’s done trying to explain himself.
“fine,” he snaps, stepping closer until his chest is almost brushing yours. “if that’s what you want.”
your breath catches in your throat, but you don’t back down. not when you're this annoyed. “yeah, it is. stop wasting my time.”
in one swift motion, rafe pulls you to him by the waist, with his usual roughness that makes you drip between your thighs. his lips claim yours with a bruising force. it’s not soft or sweet—this is raw, messy, all tongue and teeth. his hands are everywhere, gripping your hair, your ass, pulling you flush against him like he can’t have any space between you. you’re both moving with frantic, desperate eagerness, like this is less about desire and more about proving a point.
“is this what you want?” rafe snarls against your lips, breaking the kiss just long enough to yank your top over your head, throwing it somewhere in the room. “to get fucked stupid and leave? that it?”
you let out a breathless laugh, but it’s overflowing with venom. “that’s all you’re good for, right?”
so much for making peace.
TAGLIST: @drewstarkeys-world @maibelitaaura @maybankslover @jkrafe @willowpains
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continuation / part two to this post
“can’t believe i finally get to do this.”
rafe mumbles against your skin— his grip on you is almost painful when he presses your chest to his, but it only makes you want him more whilst you’re sat in his lap all pretty. you can feel his bulge in his jeans, rubbing up on your cunt through your panties and making your heavy head dizzy. but no matter how worked up you already are, the hand at the back of your neck is firm and holds you there, so he can see your eyes become hazier and your lashes flutter in bliss. everything he imagined & more.
in the limited amount of time you’ve known him, he’s been nothing but sweet. a little needy even. he’s a gentleman; he promised your trip to see him would be worth it. showed up to your hotel room with a gorgeous arrangement of flowers, took you out to a nice dinner with a view, surprised you with some custom lingerie as he promised in your messages to really have you weak for him.
maybe that’s why you let him sweep you away so early… maybe it’s why you two are messing around without any cameras.
a chemistry test is always a good idea you suppose.
“you’re gonna be a good girl f’me, right?” his words are cooed, “spoiled the hell out of you, it’s the least you can do.”
“yeah…” you sigh out in reply, growing more dumb by the second.
and you’re not entirely sure how it all happens, so caught up in kissing and grinding that you barely register the moments that lead up to you ending up on your back. dress bunched all the way up around your waist and your messy panties pulled to the side so rafe can slide his thick cock right in your drooling cunt that he thinks is the cutest thing he’s ever seen—
“slipped in so easy, sweetheart,” he grunts out, feeling the head of his cock kiss your cervix juuust right, fucking a mewl directly out of you, “knew you were fuckin’ made for me.”
you claw at his forearms. your manicured nails dig into his suntanned skin until they leave behind indents that he’d proudly wear any day. his name falls off of your tongue, and he leans down to kiss you in such a way that you never would expect from one of your costars. so much passion and something bordering on love. it’s messy and lewd and it makes your pussy tighten up around him which he thought was impossible with how snug you already are— his chest vibrates with a groan, and you look up at him with starry eyes and your bottom lip tucked between your teeth.
it hits you then... you think you’ll have to extend your trip. for strictly business purposes, of course.
#💭 bunny thinks#uhhhh yeah :3#why do i feel like im gonna end up writing a part 3#rafe cameron smut#rafe smut#rafe cameron x reader#rafe x reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe x you#rafe cameron imagine#rafe imagine#of!rafe
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Laying in bed feeling depressed
#maybe I'm wrong but i think ive been more depressed since i started as floral specialist at work than i had been before. idk.#like my memory doesnt function right so idk for sure- anything older than x but newer than y is like *poof*#but uh i feel like ive been more stressed#well ok actually its been since i started trying to go for supervisor. that was the move that started the increased stress and that led to#floral specialist and now I'm here#struggling with depression. i dont want to go to the botanical garden w ma later but i also dont Not want to#bc the idea of going doesnt fill me w excitement/joy. like theres nothing but depression going 'but youve been there 100 times. nothing new#but the idea of not going does make me Unhappy. bc itll be 5pm and I'll be sitting around doing nothing and regretting not going#and making that bad mood everyone else's problem#but like i want to do all these other things today#i also wish i hadnt broken my bike and then insisted it was not worth fixing bc i would Love to go for a bikeride and I don't have a#working bike to use#I'm stressed abt this wk at work bc mday biggest floral holiday and im anxious its going to be a mess#and also I'm most likely gonna get my period during this coming wk. which is Fantastic /s#my parents have been talking abt maybe as early as next year or a couple years my dad retiring and them moving somewhere warmer#but i meant to be in a better position mentally and like. I'm terms of being able to take care of myself and do things on my own or at all!#I'm not ready and I'll be 30 next feb and I dont feel it. i feel like i did 5 years ago it doesnt feel like 5 yrs have passed at all#well 4 yrs rn#I'm anxious and depressed and i need to learn to drive and make doctors appointments and pay my bills#my dad still gives me my humira shot half the time and i dont entirely trust myself w it on my own without him or someone else around#at least. i can do it but i don't want to have to#i think they dont see how much support i actually need. like everyone thinks I'm low-support-needs autist and thats very clearly not true!#but since i live w my parents no one notices#i need some support. not a ton. but i need someone i can rely on to remember important things. someone i can rely on to help me w my humira#someone who will make meals when i cant. and remind me of when stuff is due. and someone to support me when I'm sick.#and someone to talk to. someone else to feed my pet half of their meals. so i can have a pet at all.#i need someone to interact with who lives w me or is around frequently at least#and its not going to happen#and im just. i either have to follow them wherever they go - which is not a good idea#i refuse to go to certain states bc of fascistic leadership and queerphobic and misogynistic laws
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thinking about keigo takami…
cw: fem!reader, vaginal sex, riding, tummy bulge, breeding kink
“pleaseeeee?”
“c’mon pretty girl, can’t keep up?”
keigo can be such a lazy prick during sex. sat back with his arms folded behind his mess of blond hair, sleazy smirk plastered on his tanned skin. he’s able to hold this facade as you beg for his attention, just a simple touch from his fingers.
a pathetic pout and big eyes is usually enough to break the hero but, he ignores you. you fold your arms, hoping to truly convey how upset you were. the blond still paid no mind, a look of waiting on his face.
“ya’ gonna ride my dick, pretty? or do i gotta jerk myself off?”
“why won’t you just fuck me, kei?” you fall onto his chest, crocodile tears slipping down your pudgy cheeks. “cause you’re spoiled,” he pinches your cheeks forcing you to face him. “i’m always the one doing all the work.” your bottom lip wobbles causing him to roll his eyes.
“cut the dramatics. ya’ can’t ride?” you shake your head, as if you were truly helpless. keigo sighs, hands moving to rest upon your hips. he squeezes the chub in his hands, adjusting his grip. “got me doin’ all the work all the time.” you flinched as he effortlessly lifted your body, his thick length nearly leaving the warmth of your walls only for him to drop you back down.
you see stars as he slams into your cervix, a welcomed pain and pleasure fizzling throughout your body. “can’t put those muscles you’ve been working so hard on to use?” - “kei—!”
“that’s right, pretty.” his voice is gruff as he resists the urge to fuck into you, resisting the urge to give you exactly what he wants. “bounce that pretty ass on my dick, dove.” his voice feels distant as his cock repeatedly pounds into your womb, punching a small bulge on your stomach.
your hands rest on his chest, vision blurred and legs burning. rushed gasps and choked moans leave you, each bounce knocking the wind from your lungs.
“ke-kei, i-i can’t!” you wail, cunt gushing around him. “can’t what, baby?” his hand brushes stray hairs away from your face. your eyes focus, a sudden clarity fluttering through your system. the blond’s arms wee folded behind his head, smug grin on his face.
“you’re already doin’ so well, pretty baby, i stopped helping you awhile ago.” you hadn’t even minded his tricks, too lust driven to care. your hips come down at a harder pace, fully intending to milk him of all he’s worth.
your movements catch the hero off guard, his hands reaching out to hold onto your thighs. you’re relentless, the previous exhaust you had once felt had entirely dissipated, fueled with a new energy. “shit—fuckin’ hell, baby.” he grits.
you’re a goddess above him, an image of perfection. keigo’s nails dig into your skin as his cock throbs, a sharp whine leaves him as rake your nails across his chest. you’re both so sensitive in the moment, the slightest breeze causing you to shiver and yearn for more.
“that’s my good girl,” keigo grunts out. “such a good girl for me, you know that?” he rambling at this point, something you’re familiar with. his nails dig further into you, not enough to break the skin. “gonna let me cum in you, dove? hmm?”
“gonna let me fill your cunt?” his promises of breeding you fester into a ball of heat in your stomach. you slow your hips to a torturing grind and leaning down beside his ear.
“want you to cum in me, kei…”
“yeah? fuck, keep goin’, dove.”
#𝚖𝚣𝚣𝚕𝚎𝚍𝚖𝚞𝚝𝚝!#𝚖𝚞𝚝𝚝!𝚋𝚊𝚛𝚔𝚜#keigo takami#hawks smut#mha hawks#bnha hawks#hawks x reader#mha takami keigo#keigo takami x reader#keigo x reader#bnha keigo#keigo takami smut#takami keigo#takami keigo smut#takami keigo x reader
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