#it's also such salt in the wound that they let this happen to an account that had yes paid them out of an attempt at good will last year

[toppiegames]

THEY JUST SENT AN EMAIL SAYING MY SUBSCRIPTION IS ABOUT TO RENEW. ON THE ACCOUNT I CANNOT ACCESS TO CANCEL IT. BECAUSE THEY TERMINATED IT. GOD

Hello! This is toppie aka tophatting. A couple months ago my account of over 10 years was terminated without notice or reason given. When customer support didn't respond to my ticket after a certain timeframe, everything appears to have been completely wiped.

I haven't made a new account because honestly I have been too sad. But I do still want to share my art and writing moving forward, so I will be doing that here. I'm hopeful that the termination was a mistake (like, my account was mistaken for a bot somehow) and that I can stick around, but if not, you can find me on bluesky, twitter, and AO3.

For now, I won't be reposting my art (there was over a decade of it. and that is very sad) except by request. If there is art you would like to see again (that you can't find the zombie post of), just send me an ask! I should be able to find it in my backups and repost it for you.

Lastly, let this be your PSA that you should back up your blog! There is an option do to so in your settings.

[comic-book-jawns]

Signs

Kara knows the looks she would get if she were to say she feels protective of Lena Luthor.

On account of not only her boss’s last name but also her boss being a 23-year-old billionaire CEO and Kara a 26-year-old English major who failed to find a job in her field, clearly.

Not that Kara can scoff at what she makes as her assistant, more than enough to be called a corporate sell-out.

The point is Kara knows how it sounds. Alex’s eye rolls paint a more than sufficient picture. But she just… she doesn’t care.

And, yes, she knows that’s an easy claim to make without actually putting herself on the line. In her defense, she tried.

Her second week on the job when she heard two fellow assistants badmouthing her boss over coffee at the lobby cafe. And while she hadn’t been looking for brownie points, of course, she could only assume she’d earned them when Lena had called her into her office at the end of the day.

Boy, had she been wrong.

In fact, it was how she’d realized the curt tone her boss had been using up to that point had actually been her idea of friendly.

“Your duty is to L-Corp, not to me.”

“But I’m your assistant.”

“Yes, because I need assistance. Not a cheerleader.”

Kara’s face had burned as she murmured her apologies and assurances that it wouldn’t happen again, and she was already backing toward the door when Lena dismissed her.

She’d been fortunate enough to make it inside the elevator before the tears started, and that was where her luck had run out.

A tan hand caught the doors just as before they could close, and Kara had scrambled to wipe her face as she was met with a warm smile that promptly turned to a frown.

“Kara? What’s wrong?”

In her state, she hadn’t registered until later that it was remarkable the CFO she’d been introduced to along with the rest of the exec board on her first day remembered her name.

She’d also been unable to do more than mumble nonsense about getting her period early, which had sort of been an achievement actually given how terrible she is at lying on the spot — to her sister’s perpetual chagrin when they were teenagers.

Not that Sam bought her excuse. Kara wasn’t that naive. Though her sincerity as she wished Kara well had been unmistakable. And then, she’d abruptly let the elevator doors go without getting in.

The next morning, when Kara walked into Noonan’s to pick up Lena’s coffee, she’d been promptly steered off course, by a hand gripping her upper arm like she was misbehaving child, toward a table for two in the back.

“Can I get anything else for you, Ms. Luthor?”

Her boss had glanced up from her phone long enough to offer a polite hint of a smile to the barista.

“No, thank you, Nia.”

Kara remembered feeling like she could hear her friend vibrating as she bounced back to the counter.

“You know Nia?”

“I know how to read a name tag.”

In hindsight, Kara knows the dryness of Lena’s tone had been playful. But in the moment, it had just felt like salt on the wound of Lena jabbing at her phone again.

“Right. Of course.”

Kara was busy smoothing the non-existent pleats on her khakis when Lena had looked up.

“I’m sorry.”

And there was that nagging instinct again when she’d met Lena’s uncharacteristically troubled gaze as she placed her phone on the table, face down, and stiffly gestured to the drink, cinnamon sugar twist on a plate and chair opposite her.

“Please sit, Ms. Danvers.”

They’d proceed to sit in silence for probably 20 seconds at most. But Kara had never been known for her patience... especially when there was food in front to her.

“Ms. Luthor, you don’t—”

“I do. I need to apologize for how I behaved last night.”

And, yeah, Kara had known her boss wasn’t exactly wrong. That she would have said the same in her place. But Kara was — well, frankly she wasn’t used to being apologized to.

Alex’s go-to apology is also a cinnamon sugar twist — in lieu of the actual apology.

“I don’t need to explain.”

There was a sheepish twist to her lips, a blink-and-you-miss-it slip of youth.

“But I am truly sorry.”

Kara had thought of her sister’s words from the night before: this is what you signed up for working for a Luthor.

And she’d smiled.

“Thank you, Ms. Luthor.”

“Lena, please.”

That had gotten Kara to blink. Even with their age difference, she hadn’t thought anything of the formality. After all, she hadn’t heard anyone address the CEO any other way. Not to her face.

“To you. It’s Lena to you.”

But Kara isn’t one for formalities for the sake of them, either. So she’d eagerly stuck out her hand.

“Kara.”

That was the first time she had made Lena smile, bemused as she’d returned the handshake.

It was also the first time she’d eaten breakfast on the L-Corp dime. But it wouldn’t be the last.

“Coffee and a donut is not embezzlement, Kara.”

Lena had gleaned from Nia that Kara always put her own order on her personal card, and was quite on set on it not happening again, apparently having assumed Kara understood that Lena didn’t expect her to fend for herself while she was doing her a favor.

“What about two donuts?”

That was the first time she had made Lena laugh. But also not the last.

And looking out for Lena? That’s not gonna be a one-time thing either.

***

“Lena, you’re needed in the lab. I’m afraid it’s urgent.”

If Kara’s face wasn’t enough, the heat that instantly pools in her stomach at her assistant confidently interrupting a board meeting and calling her by her first name in front of a room of old men who don’t is quite the parry to the anxiety threatening to tear her at the seams.

Not much more than it usually is in these necessary evils. But usually she has Sam at her side, ready and more than willing to jump in when Lena asks.

“So what’s the fire?” In fact, Lena’s breathing is nearing her baseline semblance of normal as the elevator doors close. “It’s not an actual fire, is it?”

She’s only half-joking. They have a containment system, of course. But that would really be the last thing she needs right now.

Kara’s smile has her unclenching her hands, even as her breathing stutters a little.

“No. It’s nothing, actually. It just looked like you needed a breather.”

And then they’re clenching with a vengeance as she ironically exhales harshly through her nose.

She may not have gotten to where she is two weeks out from 24 without her brother going insane. But she didn’t get here by being coddled either.

Which is what she’s about to explain, Luthor genes overriding the fact that it’s Kara she’s talking to.

Until movement catches her eye. A hand. Kara’s hand rubbing in a circle over her buttoned-up chest.

“Please, right?”

Lena stops breathing altogether.

“I’ve noticed the only times Sam speaks up in board meetings are when she’s spoken to… or when you do that.”

It’s true. If by that, Kara means Lena’s purposefully poor imitation of the sign. Hell, half the time she doesn’t even do it over her chest. Brushing exposed cleavage would rather counteract the subtlety.

“And I, umm - I had a speech delay when I - after my parents died.”

Lena breathes in sharply, like she had when Sam called her out over lunch yesterday for not knowing when Kara’s birthday is.

“I used Sign exclusively until I was four.”

Kara’s voice is quiet but steady. Her cheeks are rosier than usual, though, when the elevator chimes and she faces forward.

Lena doesn’t.

“Sometimes I still do when it gets too…”

“Yeah.”

Kara glances back at her, eyebrows raised slightly. As if she’s surprised by the admission. Despite how they got on the topic in the first place.

And then the doors start to open, and Kara darts forward, fingers hovering over the close button.

“Do you want to go back up?”

Lena shakes her head.

[smosh-fessions]

I haven't been keeping up with Smosh over the past few months like I used to, what's going on with Angela and the cpap machine?

They did a DREAD: Smosh versus zombies game.

Let me grab the good post I saw on reddit about it when it happened if it's still up.

I copied and pasted it since it means I don't have to type all this in my ask and I've got permission to put it here:

I love the Dread videos. They're fantastic and George is an *incredible* story teller and everyone's characters are great.

However, this last game disappointed me pretty badly on account of the fact that apparently *no one* checked what a CPAP is or how they work, and because of that, basically 0% of the jokes make any sense and using a disability aid as a punchline for two hours is just really not something that leaves a great taste in my mouth. The only one that really landed was the mask being really stuck on her head and face in the tractor beam, because the velcro on those babies is *strong.*

CPAP and APAP machines are most often used for sleep apnea or apnea adjacent conditions where your airway closes while you're unconscious. They're for keeping you breathing WHILE asleep, and they need to be plugged in. You do not walk around using one. (My add in is that they literally have a water tank on them that is not air tight. You would have water absolutely everywhere)

Normally this kinda thing would be like, yeah, okay, people get things wrong, but it's such an easy thing to look up and as a major plot point of a character, it definitely needed researched.

The one I had was also small enough for the machine and hoses to fit in a lunchbox. They haven't been massive in years. They're not the size of a radio flyer.

It would have been nice to have a character with a disability where the disability wasn't only there to be a problem or a punchline.

I'm sure no one intended for it to come off that way, especially as CPAP/APAP aren't often seen by most people as disability aids because there's just not a lot of great, general info about them floating around. It's not something the average person looks into like they would how to wrap a sprained ankle, for example.

I just hope that in the future they both do their due diligence in research and making sure something makes sense, and also just not using disabilities or medical issues as only a joke device.

Disabled people make jokes about themselves all the time. A lot of people use humor to cope, but when it's the *only* thing its being used for, it's not cool. If they were trying to go about it in the same way Eddie's asthma was discussed and approached in IT (his mother gave him water vapor. he does not have asthma and his reluctance to accept that he was lied to was very important!) that would be one thing, but they didn't.

So, they did what basically every abled person does—they made the disability aid the "problem gag". And me and maybe three other people I saw had a problem with it, which was just an extra bit of salt in the wound.

[floofery]

This is just some speculation: do we even know if Sunny actually lost his left eye?

Of course, it's missing in all post-true ending fanworks but, I'm curious.

We know Basil most likely stabbed it with the shears and that Sunny lost vision in it until he blacked out. But does that equate to permanent vision loss? A bandage covers his left eye in the True Route, but I suspected that even without eye removal bandages would be put over a healing eye, so I did a little research.

I did minimal digging (only five or six websites and a couple of accounts from people who've sustained eye injuries) so, take this all with a grain of salt! (reblogs with more informed answers are great!!)

This is written rather sloppily as it's wednesday morning and I'm sick, but here's what I got.

It is entirely possible that Sunny kept his eye- and maybe recovered some of the lost vision.

A large puncture with the shears damaging his optic nerve would result in permanent vision loss- and damage to the retina is most likely to also end badly. It is possible for parts of the retina to heal, creating spotty vision with areas being completely blacked out and other areas visible, but usually the eye's done for.

Damage to anywhere else, however, is able to be fixed (with surgery).

If only the lens or the whites/sclera of the eye was stabbed, it is highly likely Sunny would be able to regain vision. Replacing the lens with an artificial one is a common type of surgery, which is also used in the case of cateracts (if no other treatment works).

Damage to the cornea or iris isn't as easy- a pierced iris is able to be treated but afterwards our guy would have to wear sunglasses around everywhere as it controls how much light the pupil lets into the eyeball. A damaged cornea would be far worse as the only way to get a new one is through a cornea transplant- however the cornea, iris, pupil, lenses, ect have no important nerves vital for vision- only the nerves that help you focus your eye or change the amount of light going in. Replacing them are complex procedures but they are possible (though it is important to note that cornea surgeries have high risk of failure).

I think it really depends on how Sunny was stabbed. I'm pretty sure the fight happened with both Basil and Sunny standing up- so Basil taking a swing and grazing Sunny's eye would cause bleeding and immense pain but is likely to be treatable. However, I see a lot of fanworks of Sunny being knocked to the ground and Basil driving the shears into his eye. I... don't believe this happened in canon (it wasn't mentioned in the little top bar "BASIL pushed SUNNY to the ground", ect) but if it did, this would have ten times the impact. If the shears gouged deep enough (and take this as an even bigger grain of salt) it could very well kill Sunny- right behind the eye is the brain. And even if they didn't, the wound would be much deeper with piercing of the retina and possibly the optic nerve.

thank you for coming to my ted talk LOL

Some notes:

-Omori happened in the '90s-2000's. I do not know if some of the surgeries (especially cornea transplants) had the same success rate back then as they do with more modern technology.

-I am NOT A DOCTOR. I found this out via multiple sources online. and please, I doubt anyone would ever do this but do NOT refer to this post if you or someone around you sustains an eye injury. I suggest calling 111 (or 911, or whatever the emergency number is in your region.)

-that's it! Ja!

[mini-jiminie]

https://www.tumblr.com/mini-jiminie/767184888661262336/i-was-watching-some-yoonmin-edits-and-felt-all?source=share

I'm not a shipper, I'm Jimin-biased, and I also came across that post. One thing I've noticed about people who ship Jimin and JK with others is that they are always extremely insecure and bitter over Jimin and JK's friendship. They are just incapable of being satisfied with their ship being real while simultaneously accepting that there's at least a deep, platonic bond between JM/JK. No, in their minds, those two have to hate each other when the cameras stop rolling and every nice thing they say about one another has to be scripted in order for them to be able to imagine Jimin coming home to Yoongi, JK coming home to Taehyung or Jin at the end of the day.

I always wondered why, but I've come to realize that there's only one example for it, no matter how crazy it may sound every time I think about it. They see whatever Jikookers swear is there too, but they obviously hate it because they wish it existed somewhere else and they hate that other people boldly point it out over and over again, like rubbing salt into their wounds,

and that's how posts like the one from that Yoonmin blog come to be, that's how there's always this unnecessary outrage within the fandom every time Jimin and the maknae just exist next to each other and treat one another like human beings (I acknowledge they objectively have some very eyebrow-raising moments; I'm not talking about that but just genuinely mundane moments where they just smile at each other, laugh together, touch each other in the most innocent, typical way ever and say decent things about/to each other. Even those things get people mad). That's how their relationship as a duo becomes somewhat taboo in the fandom.

It's fascinating to witness as an "outsider", someone unattached to any of them as hypothetical romantic pairs.

Also I ask myself why these people ship Jimin with their favorites so much when it's clear as day they don't like him. You can't believe Jimin is in a loving, committed relationship with this one person while he, according to you, consistently plays at romance with another and lies every time because he's apparently so fame hungry. Nah. Let it go.

Thank you for your perspective!

I'm always curious about how people outside the shipping bubble perceive the discourse that happens within it.

The way you describe the general attitude towards jkk (within the fandom) as 'somewhat taboo' is honestly spot on. It's something that's always fascinated me because even bringing up the word 'jikook' within a broader fandom context gets everyone's panties in a twist. There have been countless ot7-focused accounts who've gotten harassed to the point of having to take down jkk-focused posts or posts even mentioning them as a duo. It's pretty mind-boggling because the outrage wouldn't exist if it wasn't rooted in some sort of fear.

You've summed it up brilliantly here:

"They see whatever Jikookers swear is there too, but they obviously hate it because they wish it existed somewhere else and they hate that other people boldly point it out over and over again, like rubbing salt into their wounds,"

There's a vast majority of army that are cultists or, have joined the fandom through the cult's indoctrination (I can't think of a better term:)). Part of this indoctrination is the narrative that jm is incentivised by the company to tear taekook apart. Yet apparently, he's also their beard? So, jm is the devil but also simultaneously Mother Theresa because he selflessly protects his best friends who are a couple. Unfortunately, there are so many people with this mentality who make up the older part of the fandom (people who have stanned them for a while). Somehow, the cult has normalised default favour for themselves and have so much sway over the fandom. It's so disturbing because of their generally deranged attitudes towards jm and jkk.

On yoonminners, again, you've hit the mark:

"You can't believe Jimin is in a loving, committed relationship with this one person while he, according to you, consistently plays at romance with another and lies every time because he's apparently so fame hungry."

As a jm-biased army too, I completely understand your frustrations. In shipping discourse, it seems that it's mainly him who receives the brunt of everyone's hate. Even yoonminners, who you would think would defend him as he's their only stake in this discourse, always manage to direct some passive-aggressive comment towards him under the guise of affirming their ship. Because how on earth does the 'jikook are money hungry slaves at hybe's mercy' narrative paint jm in any light but a horrible one?

[drabbles-mc]

Twenty-Four Hours

Horacio Carrillo & GN!Reader

For @narcosfandomdiscord's Day of Darkness: make something around morally or emotionally dark topics/themes

Warnings: 18+, kidnapping, blood/injury, canon-typical violence, hair-pulling

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: This was a fic that I had no plan for coming into it. Literally just made it up as I went along. But! Here we are!

Narcos Taglist: @garbinge @winchestershiresauce @sizzlingcloudmentality @panagiasikelia @616wilsons @hauntedforsst @mirabee @buckybarneshairpullingkink @boomclapxox @nessamc @supersanelyromantic @padbrookcottage @mysun-n-stars @raincoffeeandfandoms @justreblogginfics @ashlingnarcos @proceduralpassion @artemiseamoon @narcolini @hausofmamadas @cositapreciosa (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)

Twenty-four hours was a long fucking time. It was longer than you could’ve ever imagined it to be. Honestly, if you hadn’t had a clock staring you in the face and not much else, you would’ve assumed that it had been a lot longer than just twenty-four hours. One thousand four hundred and forty minutes in a day, and you could account for every single one of them. You wished that you weren’t able to.

Everything hurt. You were exhausted and all you wanted to do was sleep. You wished that you would just pass out already, but you had a feeling that that wasn’t going to be in the cards. They’d only had you for twenty-four hours but you’d lost enough sleep leading up to your capture for it to really start becoming a problem. The only reason that you were traveling back home alone was because your team told you to get lost and stay lost until you got some sleep. You’d been pissed about it when it happened, and if you had the wherewithal you’d be even more pissed off about it now. What little strength and energy you had couldn’t be wasted on bitterness, though. It needed to be spent on something wiser than that, like staying alive.

They weren’t even going to know until it was too late. That fact had been smoldering in the back of your mind from the second they pinned your car and pulled you out of it. And, while you were certain that the people who took you couldn’t have possibly known the finer details of it all, it felt like salt in the wound.

Your eyelids felt heavy, and you let the droop even though it felt like you couldn’t close your eyes all the way. There was no resting no matter how drained you were. A time or two you’d gotten close, but if your body didn’t jolt itself back into orbit, one of your captors would reappear and do it for you. You wished that they would either just cut you loose or kill you at this point. One way or another, you just wanted this ordeal to be over. You wanted the throbbing in your head to go away, the aching in your limbs. It felt like your mouth was full of sand while your skin felt slicked with sweat. Or, at least, some of it was sweat—some of it was blood, too.

You let your head drop forward, chin pressing to your chest. Your eyes weren’t closed all the way, still able to see the blood and dirt staining the tops of your thighs, dark smears against the denim covering your legs. Your vision was blurry but again, you hadn’t had much else to look at for the last twenty-four hours so you’d become familiar with useless details about yourself.

It was only a couple seconds of reprieve, of slumped shoulders and dropped heads, before your heard the door of the room you were in swing open. You didn’t bother lifting your head to see who it was. The answer to the question didn’t particularly matter. There was the scraping of metal on concrete as the door to the room you were in was pushed shut again. After a couple seconds of silence, you heard the footsteps. They were calculated, heavy—whoever walked in was wearing boots. They were also sizing you up, not that you were really exuding the energy that made you a sight to behold at this point.

You waited for a voice to be able to conjure up a face. You’d picked up a couple names along the way, ones that you’d give anything to forget now, because for all of your exhaustion you weren’t so delusional that you forgot about the fact that even if they released you, your problems weren’t going to be over. Getting out of this goddamn room would only be the first step of many on the journey of trying to scrape together any semblance of any kind of life, let alone a normal one.

The footsteps got closer, but you still didn’t have it in you to lift your head, to try and turn to see who it was. Why weren’t they saying anything?

Then you felt it, a palm pressed against the back of your head. The strangeness of the sensation should’ve been enough to give you a fresh sense of urgency, but it didn’t. They’d beaten all the urgency out of you. Even through your exhaustion you could feel each individual sensation as the person’s fingers splayed against your head, blunted fingernails against your scalp. Your heartrate picked up but the rest of your body couldn’t keep up with what was unfolding around you.

Their hand went from spread against your head to clenched into a tight fist, gathering up your hair by the roots along the way. You cringed at that, turning into a full-blown wince as the person jerked your head back by the roots of your hair. You felt so exposed, neck bent over the back of the chair so that you were looking up at the ceiling, fresh pain shooting down your neck and spine.

You went from staring up at the dark, grimy ceiling, to looking into the eyes of a man that you hadn’t had the displeasure of meeting in person yet. You’d heard about him before, because anyone who worked for Pablo had heard the horror stories about Colonel Horacio Carrillo, but it was a completely different experience to be looking him in the eye, to have him hovering over you.

His grip on your hair didn’t relent as he studied your face. In fact, he pulled down harder, the pressure of the metal backing of the chair digging into your already bruised skin. You fought to suck in a deep breath and failed, the breath you took ending up shallow and shaky instead. He frowned as he looked at you, and you didn’t know if it was a look of contemplation or of disappointment. Maybe it was both.

“This could’ve been over a long time ago if you just told us something,” he said.

His voice wasn’t what you had been expecting. The guys talked about him like he was something straight out of a horror movie. And, while the angle you were looking from certainly didn’t make him out to be a saint, you didn’t think that he was anything to shake in your boots over. It took him twenty-four hours to come and see you, after all.

“Nothing to tell,” you forced out, voice raspy from the intense angle of your head along with everything else.

“Bullshit,” he responded, voice tense as his grip on your hair grew tighter still.

You had nothing to say to that. You weren’t going to tell him what he wanted to hear, so there was no good rebuttal for his one-word answer. You blinked, long and slow, trying to compartmentalize all the different kinds of pain you were currently in to make them all more manageable.

“What do you think he’s going to give you, hm?” condescension dripped from his tone. “You think that for your loyalty, you’ll be given some great reward?”

You wished you had enough mobility to shrug. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Do you think you’ll be let go if you hold out long enough?”

The laugh you let out was meant to sound snide, but it fell incredibly flat. Still, you forged on. “Twenty-four hours and,” your eyes flicked to the clock, “seventeen minutes got you in here.” You looked back to him again. “Who knows who comes in after the next twenty-four?”

“No one,” he answered your rhetorical question.

“Disappointing.”

“You don’t get another twenty-four hours,” he said cooly as he finally let go of your hair. “I’ll come back when you’re ready to talk.”

You let your head drop forward once more, momentary relief after what he’d just done to you, although it was nothing compared to what his men had done in the hours leading up to his entrance. You squeezed your eyes shut, a conscious effort. You wanted to have the energy to make a comment of some kind, even if all it would do was land you in more pain. What was a little more at this point, anyway?

“How long?” you asked when you heard him pull the door open. A pause. Silence. So you continued. “If I don’t get twenty-four hours, how long do I get?”

The only answer you got was the sound of the door being pulled shut behind him.

[sheenashifts1217]

Hii!! I am Aurelia or just Aurie! I want to know about my relationship with Peter Parker (andrew garfield) from my marvel dr! Thank you in advance!!

Hiii! I’m a marvel shifter too, but I haven’t met Peter so this is exciting for me!!! :))))

Your Relationship with Peter Parker

Lyrics standing out:

“You could be trusted

Salt in the wound

Laughing right at me

The good times

You and I

Now we got bad blood

Mad love

Be fine

Scars from your knife

Did you think it all through

Just don’t

It’s so sad to think about the good times

You made a really deep cut

Bandaids don’t fix bullet holes

If you live like that, you live with ghosts (I’m seeing him sneaking in your room through the window?)

Blood runs bad

Look what you’ve done”

I know when you say this song, you probably got scared, but DONT. Peter has been hurt by a lot of people so he puts up walls, maybe you do too. He’s always seen you as a person out of his league. (Like maybe the “popular people” in school) He hasn’t trusted those people, but he trusts you. You both learn from each other. I feel like there was maybe a miscommunication at some point and it took a toll on you guys, but you worked through it and it made you stronger together. Maybe there was a prank played on one of you and you of him felt humiliated and like it was the others fault. You all talked it out. You remind Peter that he can’t keep his life secret forever because he is shutting himself off. You’re his rock and help him not become too consumed in being spiderman. He feels things very deeply which is why he tries to shut people out because he wants to protect them and himself. He also really likes when you “patch him up” after a mission.

Lyrics standing out:

“Supermoon, watch it dance in your eyes

Are we just two stars passing by

Wanting your summer skin pressed on mine

Hearts on fire

Walking on a wire

You blow my mind

Tell me anything you like, except for goodbye

What’s it like up there high in heaven

(I can see him swinging through the city with you in his arm)

Wanna know what your lovin tastes like”

You guys are in the “honeymoon phase”, and you will kind of always stay like that, even when you do argue. Most of your arguments are just over each other’s safety or well being. He’s a very caring s/o, but can be forgetful because he spreads himself too thin at times. You all go on cute dates a lot. He loves to treat you like a princess. He sometimes still can’t believe that you’re his. He never thought he would be with someone like you because of how amazing you are. You’re very patient and understanding with him, yet you hold him accountable and keep him in line. He’s whipped. He likes to make out on rooftops….A LOT. Also, I didn’t get this by shuffling, but the song “Kiss Me More”, by Doja Cat, is playing in my head. That may be a message for you.

He says that it must be fate for you all to be together.

Lyrics standing out:

“A million thoughts

Should I let my heart keep listening

It’s time

So hard to let go”

There are a few different things I’m getting from this song, even though it’s shorter than the others. Firstly, are you overthinking shifting? Don’t. You know you can do it. Just trust yourself and the time will come. Let go of material things and any fears holding you back. You will be fine.

Secondly, it’s giving Peter is scared of vulnerability and you’re scared of not doing enough. I feel like this needs to be a conversation between the two of you tbh. Peter has grown and learned to trust, but a part of him still worries about you seeing all of him because you are so amazing and he doesn’t want to scare you off. You worry that if you’re not constantly there for him, something will happen. You kind of feel like you have something to prove in order for him to want you. Know that you are enough and that you don’t have to “earn” love. It’s there, just take it. Peter will come around and open up more. You just have to stay persistent and keep inviting him.

He wants to say, “I love you so much. I’d be lost without you. Don’t let me go. I’m yours”. And I saw him kissing your hand. Aweeee

Overall, your relationship is full of love, but there needs to be more communication. You both feel very deeply for each other and you’re almost codependent, but you need to work on your shadow selves. Be honest with yourself and with him. He will only feel comfortable opening up if you do the same. So if you feel like you’re not doing enough, or even if you feel like you’re doing too much, tell him. He’s willing to listen. He treats you like a princess. You’re a queen in his eyes and you never won’t be. Remember your worth and that your cup has to be full before you can fill others.

I hope this was accurate and you liked it. I could feel the emotion Peter has for you. It’s very strong. Please give me feedback, my love.

🫶💗

[mylifemydiary]

Fractured.

7/16/23

Last Tuesday, I did the unimaginable.

I have never had to take a child to the emergency room. My oldest was there twice, neither time on my account. My mom and grandma are the ones who let him get hurt. Once, he fell and hit the corner of his eye and needed glue, another, he fell off the bed and needed stitches on the other corner of his eye. I met my grandma at the hospital for that one, he was 4 or 5 maybe, and I had to help hold him down. That was a nightmare. And my grandma had to go to work, so it was just me and him. My middle son has never had to go to the emergency room, largely due to the fact that I have kept him away from my mom and grandma, I think. For 2 years we were in Florida, and they are rarely if even ever allowed to watch him by themselves. Except for the odd hour here and there if I have a work thing or a dr appointment. Flash to last Tuesday. I knew I shouldn't go down the slide with the baby in my lap. My husband has sent me the warning video, I think when my middle son was small, and I knew better. But there I was at the park with my mom and grandma, and I was sliding my baby down the slide by holding him and sliding him down. It was tiring, he is heavy. My mom kept saying 'slide down with him, I'll hand him to you.' 'I still think you should slide down with him.' 'Why don't you get up there and I'll hand him to you.' Over and over. In that moment, I didn't remember the warning videos. I knew a child's shoe, the rubber part, could get stuck on the slide and that was bad, but my baby just had his little fat feet out. And I needed to shut my mother up. So up we went. And sure the fuck enough, my baby's foot got stuck between my thigh and the slide. And his bone fractured. It was the worst feeling in the world, knowing I caused it. And immediately I told her 'i told you it was a fucking bad idea.' I was livid with her, but also myself for listening to her and her stupid ideas. IF that was the one time it had ever happened, I wouldn't be so angry about it. But she is constantly 'you need to do this. ' or 'he needs this and that' or 'you're not doing this' and I FUCKING HATE IT. I have had 3 children, she has only had the one. And yet she is constantly trying to mother my kids and go against what I want. One of these days I am going to blow up at her and hurt her feelings. Why is it so hard for me to just say that to her face? When I say NO, I fucking mean NO. Had she left it alone that day I wouldn't have broken my baby.

To add salt in the wound, my husband completely blamed me and shut down that way on me. He was livid, and I get it, but it was a mistake and I felt so shitty about it already. Every mom I confided in told me an equally shitty story of something they did to their child and the mom guilt that followed, and most of them said to me 'youre a good mother, accidents happen' But the one person I wanted and needed to hear that from, my husband, my partner, my best friend, completely iced me out and left me to my guilt. I cried myself to sleep. I just wanted him to say it would be okay and I wasn't a terrible mom. I still haven't heard those words from him, but at least he is speaking to me.

Once when we were in Florida, he did something that caused the TV to fall on top of our son, after I had told him that would happen. Luckily our son was fine, but our one year old $500 TV was broken. I never bring that up or throw that in his face. Had our son been rushed to the emergency room, would I have iced him out? Or would I have been his shoulder to cry on and after telling him I TOLDYOU SO I would have been on his side. But that's not what happened.

[dumbledore-and-grindelwald]

I want to hear your fan-theories about Grindelwald’s surrender: Not about the fact itself, but about the context. 

I keep thinking of the possibilities...

-He realizes how far he's gone: I don't think this will be the case. Sure, he feels the weight of his actions when he has time to reflect in prison, but with the Global Wizarding War he had the bodies piling and the streets running with blood. If he was shaken by how far he'd gone as early as 1945, he'd probably have realised it before the duel and surrendered without him and Dumbledore having to fight in the first place. Instead, the small account we have of the duel mentions thay "those who witnessed it have written of the terror and the awe they felt as they watched these two extraordinary wizards to battle."

-He surrenders because he doesn't want to kill Albus: This is not beyond the realm of possibility. That said, Albus mentions that they were equally matched and that he might have even been a bit more skillful than Gellert. Then again, Gellert had emotional laverege. Albus mentions in DH that he was afraid of learning (through Gellert) the truth of Ariana's death, because he always dreaded that it might have been his own spell that killed her, and that Gellert knew what scared him. Speaking of that time, Albus explains that 'he never knew' which of them had cast the fatal curse. The fact that he didn't know then doesn't mean that he didn't learn by the end of the duel. I DO believe that the matter of Ariana’s death will be brought up then and that’s when we’ll get the full picture of what happened, but I just don’t see Gellert weaponizing whatever knowledge he has, simply because it’s one of the few things that have scarred Albus so profoundly that I think he couldn’t bear adding more salt to the wound. Overall, I just don’t believe that Gellert will win and then decide to throw the match. I just see him losing. After all, if he had won he could still have kept Albus alive, even if they still wouldn’t have been together.

-He surrenders because he loses and doesn’t want to die: This would make little sense as a motive. He would have no guarrantee that he would be pardoned even if Albus promised that he’d try. Making a run for it or fighting until the very end would be more practical choices than the alternative options (dying or spending the rest of his life in a cell.

-He surrenders because he wants to save Albus from suffering further trauma: This is the option that speaks more to me. Let’s imagine a scenario in which Gellert knew that he was losing and put ourselves in that position. He has committed warcrimes, and there is no ‘insuffucient evidence’ loophole. Chances are that the confederation would sentence him to death. Even if he thought that he might simply be imprisoned, I think that it wouldn’t have appealed to him. If he was fighting anyone other than Albus, I genuinely think that it would make sense for his character to fight until the end for the sake of his pride or to make a run for it, in which case he’d at lease have a small chance at survival and freedom. At worst, his opponent would kill him, which wouldn’t be worse than an actual execution. But this is not the worst, because he;s fighting Albus. Albus who does not want to kill, Albus who was defined by his opposition to violence. Albus who has already spent one third of his life tortured by the mere possibility of being responsible for the death of a loved one. Albus whose beliefs about murder where made clear to us later, when he planned for Snape to kill him so that a young boy’s soul wouldn’t ‘be ripped apart on [his] account’, I think that Gellert will surrender because, despite having better options, he doesn’t want to put Albus in the position of having to kill him. He’d rather surrender and have the justice system eat him up instead of making the one person he loves damage their soul irreperably. 

If he simply didn’t want to kill Albus, his decision would relate to love, but it’d also entail the ‘selfish’ aspect of choosing based on his own inability to live with such guilt; it would be with regard to his own soul. I prefer the idea of him surrendering for the sake of Albus’ own soul instead because this would mark his first entirely selfless act of love. Opening up to this feeling of selfleshness would also pave the way to the overall remorse he experiences later making more sense. 

[perfectlywrongformend3s]

Starstruck- Louis Partridge x Reader

Hey! I had a request. that's actually an idea that you can use if you like it :) ok so it can be a louispxreader and the reader is a singer. they meet in a Ceremony and they become friends and maybe after a while they fall for each other and confess? you can change it however you want it. thanks <3

Requested: Yes

Word Count: 2943

Warning: Just lots of fluff

Taglist: @girlincrimson

A/n: Sorry for not getting to you sooner. I am going to try to get out imagines and request as best I can this week. I am booked with work all week this week. Also requests are open.

I changed a little bit of it, but most of it is still the same as you requested.

P.s The songs that I will be using are not mine, they belong with the talented writers and their respectful owners.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your POV

I was in my dressing room waiting to be called to go on stage when I got a notification from instagram. I saw that the actor Louis Partridge followed me. I decided to do some stalking and found some really interesting photos and pictures of him. While I was looking at this one photo of him getting his makeup done I accidentally liked the photo. I then immediately started panicking, because I didn't mean to like it. Before I could do anything about it, I was called to go on stage.

I grabbed my guitar and slowly made my way up to the front of the stage. I could feel the excited energy rising off the fans that came to the show tonight. I felt a smirk form on my face when the lights came on. I heard all the fans start screaming, which made me let out a little giggle into the microphone.

“ How is everyone doing tonight!” I shouted into the mic

I laughed at how everyone was screaming again. I decided to start off with my most popular song right now. I started playing the chords to my song ‘ Good 4 you’

“ Ah. Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily. You found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks. Remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world? (Ah-ah-ah-ah)”

I then made the crowd sing along with me.

“ Well, good for you. You look happy and healthy. Not me. If you ever cared to ask.”

I let the crowd scream the lyrics while I continued to play the guitar. I then grabbed the microphone and screamed..

“ Well, good for you, I guess you’re gettin’ everything you want. (Ah) You brought a new car and your career’s really takin’ off (Ah) It’s like we never even happened.”

While singing, I walked up the front and held the microphone close to them and let them scream the lyrics.

I then jumped in with them.

“ Person who ever got you? Well, screw that and screw you. You will never have to hurt the way you know that I do.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Louis POV

I was on the set of Enola Holmes when my phone buzzed indicating that I got a notification. I pulled it out to find the most famous singer I was in love with and liked one of my photos. I was just staring at my screen when my phone got snached out of my hand.

“ Ooh, what’s got you blushing like that? It looks like you turned into a very red tomato.” I heard Millie speak

I watched her face change from teasing to super shocked. I still felt shocked.

“ What! How?” She spits out

I shrugged my shoulders in response. Millie then gave me a playful glare. “ What do you mean you don’t know?”

I gave Millie a look of confusion. “ Millie, I just don’t know how she found my account. I mean I follow her but I don’t think she would ever follow me.”

She just nodded her head and handed my phone back. I then slid it into my pocket before we had to go back to our scene together.

Your POV

I was getting closer to the end of my new song so I went back to my microphone stand and put the mic back in its place before lowering my voice.

“ Maybe I’m too emotional, But your apathy’s like a wound in salt. Maybe I’m too emotional, or maybe you never cared at all. Maybe I’m too emotional, Your apathy is like a wound in salt.” I started leaning into my microphone and started getting my voice ready to shout soon. “ Maybe I’m too emotional, or maybe you never cared at all.” I then let the crowd sing the chorus until I shouted into the mic “ LIKE A DAMN SOCIOPATH!” I heard the crowd scream loud when I did that so I let out a giggle before continuing my song.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was now sitting down on my stool that one of my band mates brought over for me. I was strumming my acoustic guitar on my lap to my next song while talking to my fans.

“ How is everyone doing tonight?”

I got back a bunch of screams and I even heard some responses back which made me smile. “ Alright guys the show is wrapping up soon-” Before I could continue I heard the crowd “ Aww” in response. “ You guys are funny, but I have had such an amazing time hanging out and singing for you guys. I just want to let you know I have about two more songs for you guys. So the first song I want to play for you guys is ‘ Happier’ and then the last and final song of the night is going to be' ‘Good Boy’’.”

I gave the crowd a smile before going back to playing the chords to my song ‘ Happier’

I got closer to the mic and sang the first words…

“ We broke up a month ago.Your friends are mine, you know I know. You’ve moved on, found someone new. One more girl who brings out the better in you. And I thought my heart was detached. From all the sunlight of our past. But she’s so sweet, she’s so pretty, Does she mean you forgot about me?”

I then stop singing for a little while with a small frown on my face before looking up to find the crowd with their phone lights out. I gave a small smile before going back to a frown. I then sang..

“ Oh, I hope you’re happy, But not like how you were with me. I’m selfish, I know, I can’t let you go. So find someone great, but don’t be happier.”

I then pointed for the crowd to take over the singing for a little bit while I played the chords.

Louis POV Millie and I just finished our last scene of the movie so we had to change out of our outfits and head to the place where we were meeting the rest of the cast and crew members for a one last dinner event.

I was the last to arrive as per usual, so we all laughed it off before having a great time with each other before heading off in different directions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once I was back to my house I fell into my bed and layed there for quite some time. I got interrupted with a text message, so I grabbed my phone and said Millie sent me a link to something. Without thinking I clicked on it and saw that it was a video of Y/n singing one of her popular songs. I smiled while watching it due to my huge crush on her, if I ever met her in real life I probably would pass out in front of her.

Your POV

After I sang my last line of my last song I yelled into the mic…

“ I LOVE YOU LONDON! SEE YOU REAL SOON AGAIN!”

I then ran off stage and headed to my dressing room to pack my things to then get on my toru bus that will take me to my hotel that I was staying at. While I was sitting on the bus I decided to post a couple of my pictures I took and put them on my instagram page. After I did that I then decided to stalk that actor I saw on my feed.

‘Time Jump’

It was one of the most important days of my life because I was nominated for an award at the Grammys. So I was with my make up team and someone was helping me with my outfit also. It was a simple but fashionable dress with some simple black high heel shoes.

Third Person POV

Louis was heading to the Grammy’s because of his new movie getting picked for one of the categories, but Y/n also got a nomination for Top artist, and album of the year. The both of them were so close to seeing each other in real life and they didn’t expect each other to be so starstruck.

Louis’s POV

I was walking around the red carpet with Millie when she got asked to do an interview so I stood back and waited for her to be done. While I was waiting I heard a familiar laugh being heard only a couple of feet ahead of me. I then snapped my head into the direction to find the one and only Y/n Y/l/n laughing with the person interviewing her. It took me a little while to process everything that was going around me because I could only see her in the room. I felt my heart start beating faster and felt my hands start shaking a little bit.

Millie’s POV

I was finally done with my interview when I saw Louis staring at something so I followed his eyes and saw him staring at Y/n. I felt a smirk form on my lips and pulled him over to her with all the strength I had in me.  I heard him telling me to stop but I didn’t listen since I waited to meet her too.

Your POV

I was talking to someone when I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder which made me turn my head. I saw a teenage girl and a teenage boy behind me, so I smiled before giving them my attention.

“ Hi, I’m Millie Bobby Brown and this is my friend Louis Partridge.”  she said

“ Hi, Are you guys fans? Also, are you guys by any chance actors in this movie called Enola Holmes?” I questioned

Millie looked at me shocked and nodded her head. I gave her a smile before holding my arms out to give her a hug. I felt her wrap her arms around me. “ I am such a big fan of your music and I could say the same for him back there too.”

I let out a giggle before releasing her and looked behind her to find Louis just staring. I walked over to him and gently put my hand on his shoulder which made him jump. I raised an eyebrow “ Are you good?” He then just gave me a nod. I turned my head due to hearing Millie speak.

“ He was just in shock. He's in love with you.”

Louis’s POV

I felt my face getting hotter by the minute and glared at Millie. She gave me an innocent look and smirked before walking off and leaving me with Y/n. I saw her turn around and smile at me.

“ So in love with me.” She teased

I gave out a chuckle before scratching the back of my neck and looking back at her. I was about to answer her but someone told us to head to the seats to hear the winners. I watched her walk away and smiled before heading to my seat next to Millie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once the awards were over I decided to search for Y/n before leaving to head back to my hotel room. I saw her getting hugs from people so I stood back.

Your POV

I smiled at everyone and turned due to feeling eyes on me. I saw Louis and smiled at him. I walked over to him and gave him a hug and whispered. “ Congrats on your award.” I felt his breath on the side of my neck and heard him doing the same to me. I then pulled back due to hearing my name and slipped a piece of paper to him before kissing the side of his cheek.

Third Person POV

Louis stood there with a shocked expression again. He then looked down at the piece of paper to find her number and a message that said ‘ call me’. He then felt himself smile before heading back to his hotel to rest up.

‘Time Jump’

Y/n was chilling in her apartment writing a song when she heard her phone ring. She picked it up to find an unknown number, but just answered it hoping it would be Louis.

“ Hello?” she said with caution

“ Hi” she heard him say

Which made her let out a little giggle. “ I thought you would never call me.” she responded with. Louis chuckled on the other end. “ Yea, sorry about that. I was a little scared to call you.” Before he could say anything else he heard giggles coming from the other end of the line.

“ Why Louis?” Louis thought hard about what his next response was going to be because he didn’t want to straight up say because we were meant to be together or I was just scared of rejection. Louis finally decided to just ask..

“ Y/n.” he took a pause “ I was wondering if you would like to go out to dinner with me?”

Your POV

I let out a gasp when I heard those words and started nodding but forgetting he couldn't see me so I said..

“ Ofcourse, I will go out with you, Louis.”

Then we just chatted about our days for the rest of the day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day my date with Louis came so quickly then I could have blinked and I was not prepared. I ran all over my house looking for things to finish off my outfit before it was time to go.

I heard a knock on my door indicating that he was here so I slipped on my heels and carefully made my way to the door. Once I opened it I was met with those hazel eyes that I fell in love with.

“ Wow, you look stunning.” he said

I felt myself start blushing. I then took in his look and stated that… “ Well you look really handsome.”

He then held his hand out for me to take. “ My lady,” he said in his accent, which made me let out a small giggle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We were coming up to the end of the date already. He took me to this beautiful restaurant where we are now sharing a piece of cake. I saw him staring at me so I questioned him.

“ What?”

He let out a soft chuckle. “ Nothing, you're just really beautiful looking under this light.”

I felt myself start to blush which made me look down. Before I knew it I felt two fingers lift it back up. “ Don’t look down, you're gorgeous when you get all flustered.” That only made me blush harder. “ Stop.” I said giggling which made him chuckle.

Before I knew it we were back in his car driving back to my place. I was looking out the window when I felt him put his hand on my leg, which sent chills all over my body. I then put my hand on top of his and intertwined our fingers together. I smiled at the thought of us going on more dates.

Louis’s POV

I pulled into her driveway and parked my car. I turned to face her when I saw her already looking at me. I then released her hand and got out of the car to go to her side and open it for her. I walked her to her door where we both stood there for a little while. I then took a risk and leaned forward. I could feel her breath on me, I then closed the gap between us. I could feel her smile into the kiss before I felt her wrap her arms around the back of my neck. I wrapped my arms around her waist to pull her in to me more. She pulled away but kept her forehead against mine.

“ I really like you Louis.” She whispered against my lips

I smiled and said, “ I really like you too Y/n.”

I then leaned in again to give her another goodnight kiss before heading off. I walked over to my car and got in, I then waved at her with a smile on my face and pulled out of the driveway.

Third Person POV

Y/n watched Louis drive off into the distance. She felt a smile creep on her face before heading inside to dream about her date with him. Louis felt the same as her. He felt all giddy inside and he could help but smile at the thought of her. He was already planning the next date for them to go on together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Man this is long, but it was worth it because I got major butterflies from writing this for you. I hope you enjoy and if you would like more Louis then comment and I definitely write more of him.

-Samantha

[astrojoy]

Astrovations #2

DISCLAIMER

● Please remember that everything matters. Thus, planets aspecting definitely play a role on how certain things play out in life

● Debilitations upon planets happen! (Definitely know this upon personal experience and my mothers chart)

ALSO THERE'S NO YELLOW FOR JYUSHIMATSU SO IT'S ORANGE

Anime - Mr. Osomatsu

🍊 Whatever sign your 11th is in is probably the zodiac your attracted to talk to most

🍊 Virgo in the 2nd - could be picky with food

🍊 Aries/Mars 6th house can be fitness gurus. Edit: my friend has this and is sporty, please take this lightly as not all with this aspect for sure won't be 😩

🍊 Aries/Mars 6th house heal quite fast when it comes to physical wounds or illnesses

🍊 Scorpio 2nd house is secretive about their financial matters (even if they have a lot of money, they just don't care as much to show off)

🍊 12th house sign can show who you're subconsciously attracted to. I've seen this discussed here and wanted to confirm it. I've seen this with 3 different peeps bruh

🍊 Fire signs do amazing in the 2nd house unless there's malefic planets or harsh aspects towards it

🍊 Whatever element your moon or 12th house is, probably soothes you and is calming

Earth - Nature, animals

Fire - lanterns, bonfires

Air - Wind, clouds

Water - fountains, beach tides

🍊 Cancer moons/Pisces Mars can cry when they argue or feel guilty a little while afterwards. And if the other person argueing makes fun of them for crying (like calling them "weak/a cry baby"), they get angrier even more

🍊 Whatever your sun element is, is your bending power in Avatar 😃 (this was for fun 😄) the Sun because it is the brightest planet in the chart, and the most massive. It is the chart crushed into one, and hidden inside are the other planets/signs )

🍊 Sagittarius, Scorpio, Capricorn and Gemini, I'd say are the more reserved of their elements (This is just from what I've seen and heard peoples thoughts on how they act 🧐) but def know when I have encountered some at school 😭

🍊 I've noticed water dominants/risings more commonly have a cooler skin tone

(Also genes take into account so take this with a grain of salt 😌)

🍊 Taurus aspects are some of the most chill and down to earth signs I've seen

🍊 Air in the big 3/dominants probably enjoy the sound of a fan on when they're trying to go to sleep

🍊 Pisces + Aquarius mix make some really quirky and funny people 😆 I love them to death 🤍

🍊 Gemini placements can sometimes contradict themselves (my older brother 👁👁🗡)

🍊 Leo 11th house/3rd house are very social and and/or class clowns

🍊 What color I instantly think of when I hear your zodiac sign by default - haha sorry 💖

Aries - Red

Taurus - Orange

Gemini - Green

Cancer - Silver

Leo - Orange

Virgo - Light Green

Libra - Light Pink

Scorpio - Black

Saggitarius - Red

Capricorn - Light Green

Aquarius - Baby Blue

Pisces - Blue

🍊 5th/6th house Mars can make someone into sports

🍊 7th house Rahu/North node for some could get in a relationship for half a year or more and suddenly one day not feel anything for the other person (this is due to the fact that Rahu/North node keeps wanting more, it's a hungry placement, and is never satifsied when everything gets slowed down) Rahu/North node in this position eventually calms down at some point and can get married

🍊 In Verdic Astrology having Jupiter conjunct Rahu/North node is a blessing. This is because Rahu is always hungry, and if it's in a house like, lets say 2nd, then it wants spend spend spend, and with jupiter there it can help tame rahu a bit. Since Jupiter is a guru and teacher, it is more mature. The only downside to this placement is that since Jupiter is the planet of gains/luck/philosophy, it diminishes the effects. Since its with Rahu, trying to tame it, it's effects are lessened.

🍊 I've seen Moon/Cancer in the 10th sometimes have a family owned business (Cancer = 4th of home and family) (Moon = mother)

🍊 Lilith conjunct asteroid Groom could make your partner more prone to jealousy. Or give off lilith qualities

🍊 Air Mercury/Air dominants can talk really fast and might jumble their words (especially jumbled words if their communication aspects are in harsh environments/aspects)

Ex: for me I talk really fast but chiron in 3rd and Mercury in 12th, I think faster than I speak so I hop over my words sometimes, especially with my air sun beside my mercury 😭🤣💀

Have an amazing day ! 💙

Now 😡

Or I will take away your birthchart 😃

[kaptainkoalaoshiz]

I get why people dislike Jacob for what he did but let’s not bash him for what happened afterward. This wasn’t something he had planned, there was no way in hell he could have predicted there would be werewolves running amock around Camp. Was it a dick move to sabotage the car so they would be ‘trapped one more night’ and he could have ‘one more chance with Emma’? Yeah, kinda. But also, depending on what we choose (the fuel line or the rotary arm), it tells that, for the later, he would have put it back so everyone could leave and, for the first? I don’t think he expected fire. Going back to him asking Kaythlin what to do to put an engine down, it’s clear he doesn’t know much about cars. He couldn’t have imagined it would make the whole engine burst into flames. Now, getting back to him and Emma, we actually don’t know how much they talked about breaking up. Yeah, we get that there’s the whole “long-distance romance” Emma didn’t want to try and be commited to since she seems like a rather physical love/presence type of person but also we don’t know how much they talked about their break-up. We’ve seen how awkward and hopeful (and clingy, yes) Jacob was with Emma but we’ve also seen Emma push& pulling him all night long! One moment she’s like “we’re nothing” and the next she makes him think he still have a chance! Also, there couldn’t have had much time for them to talk, prior to that, with packing up camp. There are kids running around and losing stuff, there’s a to-do list of things to check to close camp for fall/winter, there’s just no time to hold a proper conversation, especially a break up conversation. Hell, she might have push&pulled him all day, we don’t know! Jacob is a hopeful romantic and has low self-esteem and Emma, while in her rights to want to stop being with him and hold him accountable for his maladvised clinginess, isn’t helping! She see him cry, call him names and then asks him to join her for skinny dipping?! While mocking him for being upset she kissed Nick? (the “you can stand here, sulking, driving yourself crazy imagining Nick’s tongue in my mouth” who the fuck say that like that?! She’s literally putting salt in the wounds!)

Listen. I like Emma, she’s the ‘confident because I have to even if it means I have to be a bitch about some things’ and I respect that. But I can’t accept how she treated Jacob and how people are absolutely jumping on the “Emma was right, Jacob is horrible (for trying to get back with her when she says no, and because he trapped them here)” bandwagon.

He’s miserable, he’s guilty he either 1)lost the rotary arm in the lake (if he goes to save Abi) or 2)burned the engine of their only vehicule. He’s not a “poor little mew mew” but dang, he doesn’t deserve the heat he gets from the fandom.

[eyrieofsynapses]

Alright, YJ peeps, listen up, because I’m sick and tired of seeing constant criticism lobbed at YJ for making Wally slower than his comic canon version, Barry and Bart. There’s a very good reason to do this—and it’s completely in Wally’s favor.

Let me preface this by saying that I sincerely love Wally’s comics. I am one hundred percent on board that Wally deserves to be recognized for the badass he is. His 90s comics established the most important elements of the Flash today. We wouldn’t have the Speedforce if it weren’t for him! It’s been defining the Flash for decades! He gets the short stick over and over. It only rubs salt in the wound that people believe Barry’s faster when it’s been stated repeatedly that Wally’s the fastest person in the DC universe. (There are few faster ways to piss me off than to say Barry’s a better Flash than Wally.) 

But. But. YJ was incredibly clever when they made him slower. Why? Wally has to be more creative than Barry because he’s slower, showing his intelligence and building him up to be a better Flash. Don’t believe me? Take a close look at Bloodlines.

Barry and Impulse figure out how to foil Neutron’s first blast of energy on their own. But it’s Wally who figures out that Neutron’s about to release an even more deadly wave with the help of his goggles, which Barry immediately borrows. Wally hand-made his goggles to compensate for his lack of speed. He wouldn’t have had them if he were as fast as the other two. Nobody would’ve realized how much danger they were in, and everyone would have died.

While comic!Wally is definitely smart, he’s so powerful that as the Flash, he can often solve problems just with sheer power. He doesn’t have to be super clever about it most of the time. In YJ, this is true of both Barry and Bart. They can be clever, but they’re heavily reliant on their powers. YJ!Wally has to compensate for lack of power with intelligence. He diversifies his skillset, using a mixture of science, strategy, and superpowers to solve problems instead of relying on sheer force.

Wally isn’t just slower; he also can’t control his momentum. Barry and Bart can dissipate kinetic energy at will, while he has to find ways to get rid of it. But he turns it to his advantage. 

Pay attention to how he fights. You’ll notice he often cannonballs into people and uses acrobatics instead of flat-out running. He can’t bombard someone with a rain of blows the same way, so he dodges and avoids close combat.

There’s a lot more to that, but in a nutshell: Wally’s fighting style is significantly more complex than Barry’s. I’m not saying Barry never uses those skills, but I can’t remember any time we saw him do it. Wally learned to do that on his own, and he figured out how to incorporate other people’s fighting styles into his repertoire. Remember the acrobatics? Who wants to bet he picked that up from Dick?

Which brings me to my next point: Wally works better with the Team not just because he grew up with them, but because he has to cooperate with others to make the best of his skills. Wally can’t just blaze through things. He has to conserve his energy and make the best of his speed. In the Team, they have to piece together where he’ll be the most effective. It forces him to stop and consider what he’s doing and how it’ll impact the overall picture, taming his impulsive behavior.

Think about his attitude in the pilot. He races on ahead, alerting the enemy to their presence and nearly getting himself killed. Over the course of the season, he learns stealth and patience, which we see repeatedly demonstrated in the last few episodes.

Back to Bloodlines for a moment. When Wally, Barry, and Bart initially show up to the disaster scene, Barry runs headlong into the danger. Bart follows him. Wally, however, stops to talk to the police captain and gather information about the situation. Barry and Bart join them afterward. They proceed to speed-talk at each other, coming up with a plan… and then instead of explaining it to Wally, they just tell him to follow their lead.

Barry and Bart were impulsive while he stopped to think. Wally was a better team player: the other two didn’t include him in their planning, thus missing crucial details and potentially putting him in danger.

Their plan works in the short-term. But when they think they’ve solved it, Wally takes a second look, analyzing the situation and double-checking that they’re finished. If they stopped ahead of time and took a moment to consider what was happening, they might’ve noticed the energy problem sooner and come up with a better solution.

Worst of all, Barry rushes in again to pull Neutron out the second time. He only survives because of Bart. Yes, it’s because they’re short on time, but again: this might’ve been prevented sooner if they thought things through.

What does it say that Wally patiently paid attention to detail and was more thoughtful than his experienced mentor?

Yes, some of this is stuff he might have learned with advanced speed. But would he really have to be so thoughtful about how he uses his abilities? Not likely. 

Nor would he have incorporated science and gear into his skillset. Among other things, he knows how to make an EMP and recognizes where to apply it in Homefront. Dick’s their tech whiz, but Wally comes up with technological and scientific solutions that he can’t.

But Wally doesn’t only use science and technology in ways his uncle and cousin can’t or won’t. He thinks differently about problems. 

In Bloodlines, Barry and Bart assume the coast is clear after they take down Neutron the first time. They only consider things within the vast range of their powers, assuming that covers everything. Wally thinks about what they can’t see. He’s more limited, so he’s learned to take every piece of a situation into account.

Basically: Wally is much more flexible than his faster counterparts. He adapts far better to adverse situations because he’s forced to make small-scale accommodations on a daily basis. Because of that, he’s able to come up with better solutions, work better in a team, and solve problems without his powers.

And may I remind all of you: YJ Wally GAVE HIMSELF HIS POWERS, but his comic version got them without effort! The Speedforce bestowed them on him without his involvement! 

People, YJ!Wally is a goddamn genius prodigy. We forget it sometimes because of his early-on immaturity and his jokes, but seriously, Wally’s far and away one of the smartest people in the YJ universe. YJ Wally is a distinctively unique Flash character because of his wit and intelligence!

But guess what? Guess what the real cherry on top is? If they bring Wally back in the fourth season at a full speed, he’ll be the fastest and the wisest Flash. He’ll know how to apply his new powers in ways that the others would never think of. Because he’s spent so much time applying science to his abilities, he’ll know how to use his new powers in sync with it, whereas Bart and Barry won’t think on those levels. 

Best of all, Wally’s the best team player. He’ll be incredible with both the original Team and anyone else he has to work with. 

Think about it. A full-speed Flash with Wally’s technological brilliance, intelligence, observance, and teamwork skills? He’ll be unstoppable.

So please shut up about how YJ did Wally dirty. It’s a thousand times more interesting to watch him work out how to solve a problem rather than just solve it in a snap with his powers. If anything, YJ improved his character and made him better.

[destieldailynews]

John’s Journal, Indian Missions and the Lesbian Nuns

January 16th, 2021

By @lateral-org​

Our staff had a lot of conversations about how to frame this topic. None of us are Native American so we wanted to make sure we didn’t spread any misinformation while still using our platform. Our compromise was to try to speak using sources for information rather than personal opinions.

TL:DR

It is our responsibility to educate ourselves on Native American history. Even moreso as Supernatural fans, since so much of the show’s mythology is derived from Native American beliefs. Native Americans are still forced to live under oppressive laws constructed by the people responsible for the deaths of millions of their forefathers. Raising awareness is the first step to combatting this injustice. Links to more resources and places to donate are at the end of this post. 

We’ve gotten a few confused asks about how this post relates to John’s Journal entry. In the post it makes some remarks connecting the journal entry to children being tortured. The aim of this article is to provide the missing context linking the two together and why it matters. 

Here’s the quote from John’s Journal:

January 24: Dean turns seventeen today. We went shooting. Then I sent him out on his first hunt. I’ve let him take the lead before, but I’ve always been there to back him up. This time he’s on his own. Partly it’s a test, and partly I wanted some time with Sammy. Should be no problem for Dean. Ghosts of two nuns haunting St. Stephen’s Indian Mission in Riverton, Wyoming. Simple salt-and-burn mission. Nuns in love with each other, then discovered. Killed themselves. We scoped the situation out, figured that something must be left behind that’s now a focus for the haunting. Bible, rosary beads, some small article that’s hidden somewhere in their room. I figured Dean would take care of it no problem, but I still stayed close by with Sammy... [Sam wants a normal life] … Dean took care of the nuns just like I thought he would, but I don’t think I’m going to be sending him on any more solos soon. That one was a little tense.

And that’s all she wrote. So why does this matter? It doesn���t talk about killing kids, just about lesbian nuns who were part of an indian mission. What’s the problem? Well, let’s start with the basics. 

What is an Indian mission?

Basically, an Indian mission is a reeducation camp for Native Americans. 

From an article published on History.com about indian missions in California:

The main goal of the California missions was to convert Native Americans into devoted Christians and Spanish citizens.

Spain used mission work to influence the natives with cultural and religious instruction.

Another motivation for the missions was to ensure that rival countries, such as Russia and Great Britain, didn’t try to occupy the California region first.

Why is that so bad? 

Indian missions contributed to the loss of hundreds of thousands of Native American lives. 

From the same article:

The mission era influenced culture, religion, architecture, art, language and economy in the region.

But, the missions also impacted California Indian cultures in negative ways. Europeans forced the natives to change their civilization to match the modern world. In the process, local traditions, cultures and customs were lost.

Some critics have charged that the Spanish mission system forced Native Americans into slavery and prostitution, comparing the missions to “concentration camps.”

Additionally, Spanish missionaries brought diseases with them that killed untold thousands of natives.

Prior to the California missions, there were about 300,000 Native Californians. By 1834, scholars believe there were only about 20,000 remaining.

Now back to the post that spawned this question: 

When OP (@fettcockfriday) says, 

spend some time thinking about why you latched onto “lesbian nuns” over “children being tortured and murdered.” did you not know what an indian mission was? did you think it was less interesting, or less important? sit with that for a while. 

To someone who doesn’t know the history of Indian Missions and wasn’t paying close attention to the journal entry, this feels like it's coming out of nowhere. With context, though, you can understand where this comes from. 

In the journal entry, the Indian mission only has the weight of any other convent nuns could reside in. This is a problem rooted in the american habit of erasing the ugly parts of its history. I highly doubt that Alex Irvine thought twice about the relevance of indian missions when he wrote that into the diary entry, which is the problem. 

From IllumiNative: 

American students learn some of the most damaging misconceptions and biases toward Native Americans in grades K-12. In fact, 87 percent of history books in the U.S. portray Native Americans as a population existing before 1900, according to a 2014 study on academic standards. For many Americans, we no longer exist.

With minimal mention of contemporary issues and ongoing conflicts over land and water rights or tribal sovereignty, Native Americans have become invisible and it can be argued that it makes it easier for non-Natives to take the lead on creating their own narratives about us. Our invisibility makes it easier to create and support racist mascots or over sexualize caricatures of Native women in everything from fashion to Halloween costumes.

For the well-being of Native peoples and future generations, these false narratives, the invisibility and erasure of Native peoples must end.

Native Americans are still disenfranchised, suffering under oppressive laws constructed by the people responsible for the deaths of millions of their forefathers. Attempts to reeducate native children are still happening to this day. The only way to move forward is to face the past and listen to the voices who have been kept quiet for so long. 

Resources:

Links for educating yourself:

The Traumatic Legacy of Indian Boarding Schools-The Atlantic

The Erasure Of Native America

History of Residential Schools- Indigenous People’s Atlas of Canada

We Were All Wounded at Wounded Knee-TikTok

How this affects white Americans: 

Whose Land Are You On?

Did You Know... All These States Have Native Names!

UNIST'OT'EN | Background of the Campaign

Thanksgiving - Tumblr

Knowledge Center- First Nations 

Ways to Donate:

#settlersaturday, gofundmes for native people

Ways to Give- First Nations

Support Us - Native American Rights Fund

Support the Wet'suwet'en Hereditary Chiefs!

17 Organizations Providing Emergency Food Relief to Native Communities During COVID-19

Support Native American businesses: 

Birch Bark Coffee Company

Indigenous Cosmetics

Red Planet Books and Comics - Unleash Your Indigenous Imagination

Orenda Tribe Clothing

20+ Native American-Owned Businesses to Shop

Please tag, submit, or link any other accounts or resources related to this topic to us @destieldailynews​, we will reblog as much as we can.

[scarlett-vixen]

Believe me when I say I’m here asf for MC holding a grudge/not hating the brothers for getting over Chapter 16’s incident, not even taking into account the trauma, pain, terror, and betrayal of what happened to MC so fast however, let’s add something not many people have placed in stories like these before. 🌚

MC hates/doesn’t forgive Lilith either. Keep in mind she’s the reason MC is in the Devildom suffering in the first place, begging them to play the Saint middle man of her demon brothers who y’know became the way they are all because of her choice to save a dying man after she knowingly broke the rules of the celestial realms and because her brothers refused to accept her punishment; she was the catalyst of their fall and change, let’s also not forget the cherry on top on how much they’re compared to her despite being your own person, AND how she keeps wanting them to help/tend to her brothers like some fucking nanny because her stupid ass is dead but capable of wanting favors from MC. She’s a terrible Ancestor to use her descendant’s kindness like that only for them to be killed/almost killed a few times by demons they shouldn’t have even met.

Since Lilith can oh so talk with MC at times, MC should be able to have a moment to communicate with Lilith, full blown calling her out for her actions, how she’s the reason her brothers became the way they are, that it’s not their job or desire to be in the Devildom w/o their consent, how much they hate her for everything she’s done, how they would’ve rather she accepted her lover’s fate so the bros wouldn’t have became demons, etc. Let’s be real, no one can ask to be born (and let’s say MC hates their family and wants nothing to do with them, so the whole talk about fixing the Bros, helping them love each other kumbaya is rubbing salt in the wound to MC who cannot relate and has no idea what a loving, decent family is like).

Sorry if I made this so long I just want to see if other people wouldn’t mind exploring that Lilith ain’t innocent in all of this and she also tries to keep you by her brothers’ side despite everything they put you through. She’s just using MC to put her selfish soul at ease and they are not having that.

Imagine their convos like:

Lilith: I know my brothers are different and may have put you’re life at risk/killed you but please take care of them-

MC: If you weren’t dead, I’d kill you my damn self. I’m not here to fulfill some sappy bucket list for you. If you have time to buzz in my ear like a damn mosquito, then take care of this shit yourself; I’m not your fucking vessel for you to beg and use.*was serious and had a blank expression*

Lilith: I understand your anger but-

MC: YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND MY ANGER!!!! *had an inhuman amount of hatred and rage in their eyes before speaking calmly* If you did, you wouldn’t be making me forgive them.

First: I'm SO sorry it took me so long to answer this! I've spent most of the day trying to wrap up the fic and then my computer did a two hour update.🤦🏼‍♀️

Second: I completely agree! Lilith is by no means innocent in all this, if she can speak to us like she did during chapter 16 then why can't she scream at her dumbass brothers to stop trying to murder the human?? I've always felt weird about how hard they try to compare MC to Lilith at first (I say first, it may continue but I'm only at lesson 33) they are not the same person. In fact they are extremely distant relatives so personality, looks, and upbringing are probably ALL different. I've always wanted MC to violently shake one of the brothers and just "I'M NOT YOUR DEAD SISTER STOP ACTING LIKE IT" I did explore a little bit of that in the fic because of that reason.

I, for one, don't really speak to my family and we've always been distant because of one dumb reason or another so I related a lot to Beel in the early chapters when he's talking about wanting his family whole again. It reminded me a lot of being little and suddenly losing contact with my grandfather who I loved, so I was more understanding/ willing to help "patch things up" but I also see how a lot of people could be like "that's rough buddy, but it aint my problem" Also never apologize for a long ask, I get overly excited when I see a new ask because I love hearing other peoples takes on different parts of the game!

[bffsoobin]

This Time Around

➤ idol!yeonjun x non!idol/ex!girlfriend reader ft. same reader x jungkook (mostly platonic), fluff, angst, lots of messy feelings, other txt members make appearances/are mentioned

↳ weeks after your chance reconnection with Yeonjun, you book a flight to Seoul under his encouragement. When you arrive, you’re not only overwhelmed by the lifestyle of an idol, but the new people you meet. Will you and Yeonjun be able to hold on to each other this time around?

word count: 9k

requested?: yes! (thank you for this great idea, anon)

warnings: this is largely angst. crying, arguments, swearing, feelings of betrayal and confusion, Yeonjun is kind of an ass, self-doubt (in both Yeonjun and reader), messy feelings and relationships all around, this does NOT have a happy ending so don’t go in expecting one lmao also disclaimer (?) that I a) have no idea what the BH building looks like inside b) don’t think that either Yeonjun or Jungkook would act this way...we are here to write fiction, after all.

A/N: This is a sequel to Just One Day! I won’t be making too many explicit references to the content of that fic but reading it first will help with storyline clarity! I also don’t explicitly state this but the reader in this case already knows Korean, she just has never been to the country before- it was simply easier for storytelling. I really hope y’all like this. I was very inspired by this request especially since I was in the mood to write both angst and a sequel to one of my older pieces! (also this gave me a good excuse to write about koo without feeling bad for straying from TXT content lmao) ALSO this is not proof read or edited, as usual for me :)

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:••:•.•

“I think it’s a good idea,” Yeonjun’s voice, velvety and heavy with sleep, seeps through the speakers of your phone. You glance at the time displayed on your computer and do the mental math which proves it’s a crisp 2 am in Korea.

“Go to bed, Junnie,” you half-scold, knowing that you wish for nothing more than for him to stay on the line until he eventually falls asleep in the middle of the conversation. He sighs through the phone, and you imagine him stretching his arms above his head to eliminate the fatigue creeping through him.

“Not till you promise me you’ll come,” he counters smartly. Your stomach flips wildly at the words. It had been almost three months since you spent the day with him, and not a single day had passed where he hadn’t been on your mind. Whether you spent your time talking to him or indulging yourself in your newfound kpop guilty pleasures, Yeonjun was almost always on your mind. Staying in touch proved to be harder than expected, due to both time zones and your equally packed schedules. Since he had flown back to Korea, you’d begun your first big girl job in a serious office that required constant business attire and piled the paperwork onto you, the newest and youngest hire.

“I’d love to, but you know how it is at work. I think my boss would combust if I told him I was taking a week’s vacation.” Talking about work made your head swim, as you recalled the stack of paperwork currently residing on your bedroom desk that needed to be finished before you showed up on Monday.

“That’s exactly why you deserve a vacation, Y/N. Look, if you fly into Seoul I promise I’ll make sure you don’t think about work for a second. I know you have time to take off, so take it. Come see me.” The line was quiet for a few seconds as you pondered, weighing your options carefully.

“I miss you,” Yeonjun’s voice came through loud and clear, crumbling the last remaining bit of your resolve. You missed him too, so much more than you ever thought you would, and your heartbeat kicks into high gear at the thought of seeing him again.

“Okay, I’ll file for my week off on Monday. I’ll see you soon, Yeonjun.”

----

When you finally arrive inside of the BigHit building, suitcase in tow and a huge visitor lanyard around your neck, your hands are sweating profusely. A kind staff member had picked you up from the airport and delivered you to the practice room that Yeonjun would presumably be inside of. The walls were soundproofed well, but you could hear the faint beat of bass through the heavy door as you hesitate in pushing it open. Another staff member passes behind you and eyes you closely until recognizing the badge hanging around your neck.

Feeling awkward for hesitating in the hallway after being seen, you push on the door until it swings open in a smooth motion. The wheels of your suitcase click over the seams of the floor, and the sound would have been enough to make you cringe if it weren’t for the pounding music.

A track you don’t recognize echos through the mirrored room as none other than Choi Yeonjun stares intently back at his own dancing reflection. You catch your own reflection; arms crossed in a protective latch over your chest.

His body moves fluidly, as if he had left all of his bones waiting for him at home, and a thrill of excited anxiety crawls through your chest. He was really there, mere feet away, and you were really here in the middle of the BigHit building, achieving the dreams of fans all over the world.

The music stops and your mouth runs dry. Yeonjun’s heaving breath is the only sound in the mirrored room and you try to drive away the thought of the last time you’d heard him pant like that; sweaty and shirtless overtop of you on your rickety secondhand couch.

“You made it.” He says, impressively able to control his voice even after the exertion.

“In one piece, at least.” You say. Your arms stay wound around your body, a protective cage against his stare and his touch. He eyes you carefully and you’re suddenly concerned that your airport-chic appearance is inadequate.

“You look pretty.” He whispers, stepping close enough that his heaving chest almost touches your crossed arms. His hands, fingers calloused and rough, wind around your wrists and tug gently, giving you plenty of time to pull back. But you let him unwind your arms and pull them to your sides. His hands are large and warm and press gently into your skin, grounding you into the room and the moment and the absurdity of the fact that you’re actually here with him in Korea.

“You bleached your hair.” You offer weakly, withering underneath his attention.

“I’m not supposed to tell, but I’m getting ready for pink.” He says. Sweat drips down his temples, meeting and rolling together in tracks down to his chin. He looks just as handsome as you remember him to be months before, but it’s hard to ignore the thinned frame of his face.

“Have you been taking care of yourself?” You ask, finally finding courage to string together a meaningful sentence.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Yeonjun leans into you, supporting himself on the tips of his toes until he’s dangerously close to toppling you both over. He levels a heavy, constant gaze on you, eyes drifting down to the surprised pout of your lips and sliding back to your eyes. In a second you know that he wants to kiss you, and there is nothing more you’d like than for that to happen, so you close your eyes and lean into him; feel the warmth of his breath and you can almost taste the salt of his sweat, but the kiss never comes. Instead, Yeonjun startles and drops his hands from you, takes one huge step back and immediately bends into a deep bow. 

Your back is still facing the door, but you catch a glimpse through the mirror. Jeon Jungkook stands just inside the door, dark wavy hair tied half up in a messy bun, some loose strands framing his face. He’s wearing a t-shirt and loose sweats and rubbing fatigue from his eyes, but he’s somehow even more handsome in person. Your face flushes, desperately trying not to make eye contact with him through the mirror and knowing you failed as soon as he shoots you a small, toothy smile. 

“Didn’t know you had company,” He says in lieu of a greeting as he steps just slightly closer to the two of you. 

“We were just going.” Yeonjun bows again, grabs your wrist and tugs you in a persuasive manner. 

“It’s okay, really.” Jungkook enthuses, eyes crinkling in apparent amusement at Yeonjun’s behavior and before you know it your face twists into a similar smile. It had been a long time since you’d seen Yeonjun so nervous, acting like he was attached to a live wire that kept him moving nonstop. “No need to rush out on my account.” Jungkook adds as Yeonjun tugs you again, leaving your suitcase abandoned in the spot you’d been standing. You open your mouth to protest. 

“Wait! I don’t think that...” Jungkook looks at you pointedly as he rolls the suitcase back over to the two of you. 

“Y/N.” You offer, hands sweating profusely as he passes over the luggage. 

“I don’t think that Y/N would like to leave without her suitcase.” His eyes twinkle with something like an untold joke, an anecdote he wants to share but keeps in the back of his head for later. You thank him shortly, still starstruck and nervous as Yeonjun pulls you out of the door. 

----

“I’m so sorry about that.” Yeonjun apologizes again as you arrive at a new door, this one in a whole new wing of the building that you would have gotten lost finding on your own. 

“It’s okay, Jun. I expect to run into...o-other people.” You stutter as he opens the door, facing the realization that you were probably about to meet Yeonjun’s members too. The dorm was simpler than you expected, opening up to a lightly furnished living room that looked like it had been hastily cleaned- you could see a stack of clothes had been clumsily shoved behind the couch. 

The lack of instant greetings surprises you as you follow Yeonjun blindly into the room but you don’t say anything. You kind of wish that the other four boys would come bursting out, bombard you with questions and jokes and prodding fingers as Yeonjun lets you into his room. The air is still charged from your interrupted kiss, and your fingers curl around the handle of your suitcase as you recall Jungkook’s reaction. He had clearly found it amusing, but was he more interested in teasing Yeonjun or finding out exactly who you were? 

In the moment you had found his attention comical although stressful, like a funny anecdote that Yeonjun might grumble about a few weeks later. Now, you replay it over and over again, worried that every chance interaction with another idol within the building would play out exactly the same. Maybe you weren’t quite cut out for this. Yeonjun had been speaking the whole time, rattling off words you don’t catch as he opens and closes drawers.

“-is that alright?” He asks, spinning on his socked heels to face you. You freeze, trying desperately to claw through your mind for any clues to what he’d said. Yeonjun smirks, closes in on you and raises a well-kept eyebrow. 

“What did I just ask you?” He asks, voice level and cool despite the teasing nature of the question. 

“I-I don’t know.” You admit, a blush rises on your cheeks as his smirk pulls even larger. 

“I asked...” he tucks a stray hair behind your ear, “if you wanted to share a bed. You could always sleep on the couch, but I-”

“No, I’ll sleep with you!” You slap a hand over your mouth as Yeonjun dissolves into giggles. “I mean, I mean, I don’t mind sharing a bed.” You try desperately to break through his laughter but it’s useless, so you succumb to the same fit of giggles. Yeonjun cups your cheeks sweetly, squishing them together in earnest before leaning in the same way he had just minutes prior. Your heart stutters at the knowledge that this kiss was finally happening after three months separated. 

Your lips meet in soft, tentative passes against each other until you recall the feeling. Yeonjun is hesitant, hanging back until you surge forward, kissing him harder and wiggling your tongue between the seam of his lips until he opens them. His teeth rake your bottom lip and nibble hard enough to draw blood, the metallic taste grounding you into the moment until Yeonjun pulls back, thumbs stroking the tops of your cheeks. He places another kiss to your nose, giggling against your skin as you shy away. 

A loud crash sounds from just outside the door and you jump, eyes blowing wide when the sound of overlapping voices grows closer and closer. Yeonjun tells you that the rest of the boys must be back and ushers you out of the room before you can protest. 

In the living room you’re faced with the four of them, all busying themselves with mundane tasks or scrolling through their phones until Yeonjun clears his throat. They look up simultaneously, synchronized enough that you would have laughed under a different circumstance. 

“Everyone, this is, my uh, uh, Y/N.” Yeonjun awkwardly sweeps a hand your way and you flush, feeling small as the four boys you’d watched and laughed with and admired through a screen bowed to you. 

“I really-it’s not...well, hi.” You sigh. 

----

Introductions aside, the night slides by easily until the wear of your travel catches up with you so suddenly that you slump onto the nearest body. Yeonjun shakes you awake and it’s only then that you notice the shoulder you were leaning upon belonged to Beomgyu. You apologize to the boy as soon as you can get your tongue to work properly and are soon whisked away to Yeonjun’s bedroom. The short trip awoke you to an unpleasant degree, almost feeling as if you were suddenly too aware of your surroundings. The lights were too bright, the scent of fabric softener too strong in your nose, the sound of the remaining four people in the living room too loud. And of course, the presence of Yeonjun too much to handle. 

You sit at the foot of the bed and pick at your nails while Yeonjun shuffles around the room, doing something you don’t bother to track closely. 

“Are you going to get ready for bed?” He asks shortly, not even turning to face you. You now realize that he had pulled on pajamas of his own; a too-big graphic t-shirt and a pair of worn sweatpants. Frowning, you head for your own suitcase and dig through the carefully stacked clothes until you find some suitable options. You change quickly, keeping your back to him although you can feel his heavy stare at your back. 

“Did you like them?” He asks. You sit back at the metal headboard and nod thoughtfully. His lips draw into a straight line as he settles beside you. “You and Beomgyu really...got along well.” 

“Sure, I think we all got along well.” You offer, tucking yourself underneath his newly cleaned sheets. For a moment you wonder what he was going to do about the lights overhead, but they extinguish with a press of a button on his phone. Plunged in darkness, you can’t help but feel a bit bolder, indulging in the burn of defiance within you. 

“Why? Are you jealous?” You ask. Yeonjun scoffs and you can feel the sheets pull as he flips underneath them. He says nothing but you can feel the air in the room shift. The bedding feels suffocating. 

“Goodnight, Y/N.” 

----

When you wake, you’re uncharacteristically hot. You notice the sweat beading your neck and forehead as soon as you sit up, desperate to free yourself from the covers. You wonder if Yeonjun is suffering a similar fate, or if his body is used to the brutal heat of his bedroom. You turn to look for him, happy anxiety at the thought of seeing his sleeping form in real time brewing in the pit of your stomach. You couldn’t count the amount of times you’d imagined this exact moment, wondered if he scrunched his face in his sleep or if he looked serene and peaceful, wondered if he snored or spoke or sighed in his sleep. 

But all you saw was crumpled sheets and a small, bright green post-it note with bunched writing. It stuck to the bed sheets as you pulled it up, and you had to blink a few times before you finally understood the gist of the note. Yeonjun was gone, off to do his daily idol duties, and you are welcome to use their shower as none of the boys were home. You scan the note again for any sign of love or sincerity but find nothing more than cold and clinical facts, like a teacher giving instructions to a class. 

Bitterness grows in your chest as you slip into the cramped shower and cool yourself off under a trickle of water. Theoretically, you know that Yeonjun would be busy while you were here. After all, you couldn’t expect the company to let him off of all responsibility just because you were around. Your skin was growing red under the scrub of your fingers. But he could have at least run it by you last night, warned you that he would probably be gone by the time you got up and given you some idea of when he’d be back. What were you supposed to do all day? You stepped out of the shower, flinging your wet hair away from your face. You could barely make it out of this building alone, but you’d be damned if all you did was sit here and wait for him to return. If he wasn’t going to be here, you’d make your own fun.

You were unfamiliar to Seoul, but after navigating yourself out of the BigHit building you felt as if you could conquer anything. You hadn’t realized how much of the day had passed by in your slumber until you stepped into the real world. Dusk had begun to fall over the sky, painting it a hazy purple-pink in anticipation of a sunset. People and cars and buses rushed by with purpose as you stand still and baffled at the city before you. The packed street before you is a little bit intimidating, but reminded you enough of the bustle of your hometown that you took a brave step forward anyway. Crossing so quickly that you almost run into a group of teenage girls, you finally reach some kind of a destination. To be fair, you had done zero planning on sight seeing before coming, so almost every building looked like a destination to you. A particularly cute looking café seemed to manifest itself out of thin air and beckon you in with sweet drinks and sugary snacks. You order and eat greedily with the realization that this is your first real meal since being on the plane yesterday, and the waitress laughs when you tell her that as you flag her down for another piece of cake. 

The café certainly lives up to the hype you make for it, but you notice the employees begin to clean and close things down, so you leave and thank them on the way out. You finally check your phone, hoping that Yeonjun might have sent you an apology or an update, but you see nothing aside from email notifications. Emblazoned by his actions, you continue on your exploration, opening the doors to a clothing shop with so much force that other patrons cringe. Inside, you buy way too many things to fit in your suitcase before traipsing yourself-weighed down by bags- into a nearby restaurant. Something about being in Korea had elevated your appetite to an extreme level, so your stomach growls as soon as you cross over the threshold. The place is crowded, almost packed wall to wall as patrons and employees alike bustle between one another. 

The cute wooden sign reads “seat yourself” so you dodge and weave until you find a tiny table, just big enough for your party of one, hidden in a more private corner of the restaurant. An employee spots you and yells out that he’s going to go get a menu, so you content yourself with people watching in the meantime. At the table diagonal to you, you spot a woman who looks just about the same age as you. Her hair is carefully waved; a deep, shiny brown that flows just down to the top of her chest. Every feature you can spot is immaculate and it makes you feel sick. Her nails are perfectly manicured, not a single chip or hang nail in sight, while your own nailbeds are torn up and bloody as a result of nervous picking. A weird, unwelcome acidity crawls up the back of your throat and demands to be acknowledged, makes your eyes burn with envious tears as the waiter finally delivers a menu and you wonder why you can’t just look that put together and perfect. After you order you can no longer stand to look her way anymore, angry at the fact that you were so resentful of this stranger. 

Your waiter drops your food and utensils with polite haste but you aren’t nearly as hungry as you were before. Noodles and broth swirl around your spoon as the steam rises into your face, paying more attention to the bustle of the open kitchen where you spot a fun streak of vibrant pink hair. Whoever is donning it must have had it done recently. There’s a few small patches of pink dye spotting the back of their neck and it’s quite endearing to think about until you remember- Yeonjun was supposed to be dying his hair pink soon, and that tall frame and broad back look suspiciously familiar, and he still hasn’t sent you any texts, and you think that maybe he was just getting some takeout and heading back home but then he turns away from the counter and heads to your corner of the building. Your mouth goes dry, all the air still and stale in your lungs as his eyes land on yours. He looks away and then looks back again, double taking as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. As if he hadn’t been the one to invite you out to Korea, as if you hadn’t shared a bed last night. And then he moves, finally, walks away from the counter and toward your table with a tray piled with food and your heart hammers against your ribs as he walks right by and settles into the seat across from the perfect girl. She smiles wide as he unloads the food and settles in. 

There’s nothing you can do but stare and fight the sting of your eyes until your waiter comes back around, notices your untouched food and asks if you want a takeout container. You say yes loud enough for Yeonjun to hear, and you can see him flinch but you know he won’t turn around. Not in public, with all these people around. Not when he’s an idol and you’re just a normal girl- a fucking tourist- and not when Miss Perfect is giggling her perfect laugh at whatever he just said. 

The air outside is cold and it stings. Your face is wet but you don’t try to hide it. You don’t know any of these people, and they will never see you again. They probably won’t even remember that you cried on the walk home, weighed down with bags of food and clothes and the knowledge that Yeonjun was lying. 

When you return to the dorm Beomgyu, Soobin and Taehyun are hanging around the living room, watching something on the television. 

“Hey- where’s Yeonjun? He said he was going to dinner, we assumed he was meeting you.” Soobin asks, his tone cautiously trying to hide his confusion. 

“Well, I did go to dinner,” you lift up the bags on your arm, “and so did Yeonjun. At the same place.” Your voice clips and you take a moment wonder if you should go on until Beomgyu mutters a soft “oh”. 

“Well, here’s some food.” The plastic bag thuds on the coffee table. “Not hungry.”

----

You don’t know what time it is when Yeonjun decides to come back, but you have no plans of acknowledging his presence. The room is dimmed, only a bedside lamp left to keep you out of total darkness. You are perfectly content to simmer in your own anger for the night, let him feel it radiate off of your back the whole time you sleep. Until he has the audacity to ask, “Hey, what’s wrong?” You see red in the dark room. Your fingers clench into the pillow, making a victim out of the poor feathers and fabric as you contemplate throwing it at his head. His new hair looks even nicer in the low light; nearly fluorescent and falling in a perfectly styled arc around his face.

“Don’t do that. Act like you don’t know.” You spit. Yeonjun says nothing but he clears his throat awkwardly, as if he’s about to make an argument, but you beat him to it. 

“At least tell me who she is.” You try to hide the waver of your voice but it’s already there to stay. 

“She’s no one! I’m not really supposed to tell anyone about it yet, the guys don’t even know-” 

“They don’t know what? That you’re keeping two different girls in your pocket? Can’t even commit to one for a week long vacation? Jesus, Yeonjun, If you want to...cheat on me, at least wait until I’m not in the country. Fuck, I can’t even call it cheating because you don’t even want to date me! We only met up again a few months ago, and we spent one day together! And we fucked and it was nice and it was fun but what the fuck was it really? I texted you today, you know, to ask where the hell you were, and you never answered. I know that your life is busy, but a warning yesterday would have been nice.” 

“I’m not cheating on you! She’s not- she’s just, someone I- that’s not the point, Y/N! And I’m sorry I didn’t answer you, but I was really busy, and I forgot to bring it up and I’m sorry, but did you really expect me to hang around all day?” You grit your teeth to stop an annoyed screech from hopping out.

“Of course not, Yeonjun. I’m not an idiot. What I expected was some fucking communication. I traveled across the world to come see you, maybe even try to figure out what we are, and so far all I’ve done is wander around the city alone. This isn’t what I wanted to do! I’m missing a week of work for this! I didn’t come out here just to be your little plaything once you get home!” 

“That’s not what I’m doing!” Yeonjun stands up from the bed, rubbing his palms over the back of his neck. “I knew you would never understand. You can never understand how busy this lifestyle is, and I guess I was stupid for believing that you could understand, and that you wouldn’t be mad at me for having to go do my fucking job.” 

“I don’t understand? I don’t understand your life? Will you ever just admit that you only like me because you can mold me around your shit? When I’m back home you can call me at any hour that works for you, and I’ll pick up. You can bitch about your job and your friends and your company and all the pain you have but whenever I call you you’re tired or sick or just don’t feel like it. Guess fucking what Yeonjun. I’m here now. And we share a room and a bed and a city so you can’t keep me miles away and at your beck and call whenever you so well please. I’m right in front of you now, and you need to own up to your shit. You ignored me. Now you’re lying about whoever the fuck that girl was. You don’t get to be a prick just because you’re a famous idol.” Your face is hot and your hands are shaking. Sweat is beading on your forehead just like it did this morning and it makes you itch but you refuse to move a single muscle, hardened to the spot and staring Yeonjun down. You can’t even remember how the argument started, but all you know now is that you can’t stand to look at him any longer. His eyes are wide, bottom lip wobbling. Tears sting at your eyes and your nose burns and you’re ready to lay down or maybe chug a bottle of vodka. 

“I’m going to bed.” You pull the covers over you even though you’re sweltering, turn off the bedside lamp with the switch and clamp your eyes shut. 

----

Your brain never shuts off. Even when you slam your eyes shut and start counting metaphorical sheep, you’re still replaying the argument on a relentless loop. Yeonjun had left the room moments after you tucked yourself in and you had yet to hear the door creak to announce his reappearance, so it was safe to assume that he was sleeping on the couch or holed up with another one of the boys. Or maybe he went crawling back to Miss Perfect. 

The room is suffocating; heat simmers off of every surface even after you’ve thrown off the sheets and the white walls are annoying you. If you ever talk to Yeonjun again it will have to be about his piss poor decorating skills and the fact that he couldn’t even manage to hang up some pictures to break up the never ending white. Your phone says it’s just minutes shy of 2 am, but what does that really mean when you have no idea what time you laid down? Your legs move before your mind decides where you’re going, seemingly possessed by the idea of leaving the room as fast as possible. There’s just enough time to shrug on a crewneck and a pair of sneakers before you find yourself under the blinding fluorescents of the hall that remind you exactly where you are. Tall, sturdy black doors stand on both sides of you, metal accents gleaming and boasting their contents. There’s no easy way to understand the layout of the building, and you assume that’s for the protection of the idols, but it also means that you completely forget the only route you know for leaving the building.  

Had you taken a left or a right? Did you pass by the hallway next to the ladies bathroom or go down it? Had there always been a potted plant next to that office, or did all of the doors just look similar? Somehow, you find yourself back in the place you had first been delivered to when you arrived. The doors were slightly different here, some made of thick wavy glass that was vaguely transparent and others made out of the same black you had become used to. A set of three rooms with the wavy glass were right next to one another, and if your suspicions were correct they were all practice rooms, presumably empty at the lack of music. The thought of the rooms, empty and clean and sporting just enough comfortable furniture in the corner for you to sprawl out on. There was no way that sleep was going to overcome you, but at least you could feel secure in your loneliness for a few hours. 

The metal handle was cold, chilling your sweaty palm instantly, but you’re met with harsh resistance. It doesn’t budge forward no matter how hard you push downward and lean into the door. Out of anger you try one more time, grunting and digging your heels into the carpet of the hallway. 

“You need a card to get in.” A voice calls from what must just be steps behind you, and you jump embarrassingly high before turning reluctantly. Surely some poor late-shift cleaner or intern had seen you struggling with the door and decided to take pity on you before someone really saw you making a fool of yourself. You could only imagine what they were thinking- how they would go home to their pets or family or friends and laugh about the girl they saw throwing her entire weight against a locked door.

But in the split second your neurons begin to fire anew, you know that you weren’t lucky enough to be discovered by another normal member of society. On this already annoyingly unlucky night you come face to face with- once again- Jeon Jungkook. You flush immediately and pull at the hem of your shorts until they do a better job at covering your thighs. You’re still sweaty, strands of hair matted to the back of your neck and your forehead, and the fact that it’s sometime past 2 am and you’ve yelled and cried and tossed and turned and cursed everything that led you to this moment only makes you look worse.  

And, of course, even though it’s sometime past 2 am and maybe Jungkook had also been sweating and tossing and turning and cursing everything too...he still manages to look like an angel. His hair is unruly, all loose and wavy and sticking up in some places. His outfit is almost identical to what you first saw him in, but this it was black instead of gray, and his sleeves are bunched at the elbow, only affording you half a look at his lithe muscles and tattoos. His lips split in the same toothy grin as he gestures a small plastic card your way. How dare he look so handsome no matter the circumstance. He’s so much closer than he had been before, merely a foot away from you in the narrow hallway. Up this close you can see how perfect his skin is, as smooth and pore less as Yeonjun’s and Miss Perfect’s. 

“No, I don’t need it.” You dismiss his hand with a small wave, sour after reminding yourself why you were here to begin with. 

“Seems like you do?” Jungkook’s voice was oddly small too. He retracts his hand halfway, making sure you could still take it from him if you want to. 

“No, what I need is a new boyfriend.” You spit the words before your conscious can review them, before you can remember that Yeonjun isn’t your boyfriend, that he isn’t technically anything except a rekindled flame you traveled across the world for. Jungkook pulls his arm all the way back and his face softens. You know he puts the pieces together quickly and you can feel the sympathy pass through the hall.  “Nevermind. I’m sure you’re busy, or need to pass by or- yeah, sorry.” You stand aside, press against the wall and wait for him to walk away, but he stays grounded and levels his soft but deadly gaze on you. It’s an unwelcome reminder that he’s one of the most famous idols in the world and you’re standing in the middle of his company building; tired and teary.

“Did you fight? Is that why you’re wondering through our part of the building alone?” He gestures at one of the doors further down the hallway, a solid black one, and you can make out a shiny plaque with his name on it and some cute little decorations taped on the wall. 

“I’m so sorry, I can’t find my way around this place- I just couldn’t sleep so I wandered and I guess I ended up in...your part of the building.” You can feel the heat radiate off of your face as he smiles again, nose scrunching at your panic. 

“Cute.” His nose wiggles one more time before he schools his features as if the word didn’t nearly knock you on your ass. Cute. Cute! He has the audacity to stand here in the middle of the night and call you cute. “Seriously, if you need somewhere to sit down or sleep, there’s a couch in my studio, it’s clean in there, you can-”

“Oh, no! Jungkook,” you blush stupidly at using his name, “I can’t ask you to do that. I’ll just circle back to Yeonjun’s and sleep it off.” The thought makes your stomach churn, the idea of trying to fall asleep in the exact room your almost relationship fell to pieces. Surely the carpet couldn’t be too uncomfortable-

“No, please, I’m offering. You look tired, and if you fought...well, I know how awkward it can be in the morning. Come on.” He walks away before you can protest and some other worldly sense makes you follow him. You never expected to be in this position, but you also never thought that Yeonjun would disappoint you so much. Inside of the partially padded studio is a surprisingly large sofa with a charming patchwork blanket draped over the back. Jungkook stands awkwardly next to his desk and picks at his fingernails as you sit down. You sink in to the couch and instantly feel more comfortable than you have in days, the soft scent of lavender and the warm yellow lights bring you as close to relaxation as you can get. 

“I saw him with another girl.” You lose your filter again and Jungkook’s eyes narrow. “He says it wasn’t a date, but he also won’t tell me who she was, and the rest of them all thought he was with me so he’s obviously lying. We aren’t technically dating, so can I even be mad? He’s lying no matter what, and he didn’t even tell me he would be out all day or text me during it. But I also still have three more days to stick out here.” A few hot tears are slipping down your face and you can’t help but feel insecure about them. 

Jungkook says nothing of the tears but chews thoughtfully on his thumbnail. He leans his hip against his desk, intimidating and sharp yet soft and handsome and sweet for letting you stay here and spill your anger into his studio. His socked foot taps on the floor in a rhythm unknown to you, and you can’t help but wonder how many people would kill to be in your exact spot. You notice a day-by-day calendar that’s quite a few days behind on his desk, and it makes you smile until he’s moving, lowering himself to the floor just a few inches away from your feet. 

His fists clench- subtle enough that you wouldn’t even notice if the room didn’t feel so charged- and as he looks up at you, you see that a look somewhere between anger and pity paints his face. It’s embarrassing to sit here like this, so clearly under his scrutiny with nothing but your pajamas to cover you. 

“I’m sorry.” Jungkook finally speaks again and shakes his head so much that a few ebony pieces of hair slip into his eyes in a near-perfect arc. You shrug. “Really, Y/N. I’m sorry. That’s an asshole move, no matter who the other girl is. You don’t deserve to be treated like that, and after all the trouble you put in to come out here and see him-he’s lucky we don’t cross paths often.” He sighs and suddenly he’s sitting next to you on the couch, the weight and heat of his body making the situation that much more real and that much more odd. You must still have unshed tears lining your eyes when you find the courage to look up at him because he frowns. “Please, don’t cry! It’s the first time I’ve ever had a girl in here, and well, it’d be pretty embarrassing if she spends the whole time crying.” 

A shit eating grin sprouts on his face as soon as he sees your lips upturn with laughter. It’s hard not to be grateful for the joke, so you laugh and thank him for trying to make you feel better. 

“And thanks again, for the place to sleep. Or, try.” You have a feeling that sleep will evade you all night, no matter how cozy the room makes you. 

“If you don’t think you’re going to sleep-” Jungkook stands suddenly and rushes over to his desk. When he gets there, he turns his wide desktop computer until it faces the couch and logs in. “Then at least watch some movies! Here,” he puts a wireless keyboard in your lap- “whatever you wanna watch, I have it all.” You hesitate for just a moment and then type in the title of one of your favorite films with seconds to spare before Jungkook throws the patchwork blanket over both of your laps. He sinks back into the couch and you follow his lead, careful to keep a good few inches of space between the two of you because holy shit, you’re sitting next to Jungkook, and holy shit he’s watching a movie with you, and holy shit he just saw you cry and he looks so handsome from the side. 

You pay more attention to Jungkook than you do the movie. It’s funny to watch someone who feels so extraordinary do something as normal as watching a movie and realize that he really is human. And the way he crinkles his nose and widens his doe-eyes makes your heart stutter with attraction and then guilt at the thought of Yeonjun, who still makes your palms sweat and your heart shake with anticipation of his touch despite your argument. 

But here’s Jungkook, being kind and open and raw and willing to stay up with you on this random sleepless night although you only met by chance mere hours ago. And his kind eyes widen and narrow and crinkle when he laughs at the movie, and he offers you a second blanket and a throw pillow when your eyes get too heavy for you to focus, and you don’t think that you’re imagining things as you feel gentle fingers comb through your hair. 

----

Your head feels like it’s filled with cotton when you wake up, confusion soaks your senses as you piece together where you are and how you got there and who’s lap your head is laying in. As if he could read your thoughts, Jungkook lets out a long and loud groan from above you. Clearly he had fallen asleep where he is now, head lolled against the back of the couch and a throw pillow folded between his arms. 

“Good morning.” He drawls, voice still deep and thick from slumber. Out of all the things you never thought you would do, waking up to Jungkook is near to the top. 

“M-morning.” You manage to call back as you run your hands over your face, hoping to absolve yourself of any evidence of shock. Jungkook’s studio is just as welcoming as it had been to you last night, but now a deep sense of guilt creeps through you. Yeonjun might have woken up by now, maybe he was ready to talk and try to make things better, maybe he’s been calling and texting you and you haven’t seen any of it. Your phone is nowhere to be found as you dig around in the blanket, a noise of distress clawing up the back of your throat. Heart pounding, you put a hand underneath the couch and slide it back and forth until your fingers graze over the cold, hard mass that must be your phone. As soon as it’s in your grasp you can see that the time is just a few minutes past 8am, and that you indeed do have a few texts waiting from Yeonjun. 

“Oh, Jungkook, thank you again for-y-you know, but I have to go, do you mind showing me which way to go?” Poor sense of direction had landed you here to begin with, and you wouldn’t let it make this problem any bigger again. Thankfully he doesn’t protest; just waits by the door as you straighten out your pajamas. Out in the hallway, the lights are bright and imposing and you recognize a headache from the late night is starting to creep up behind your eyes. No one really seems to be around to see the two of you, and you are nothing short of grateful for that when Jungkook makes a quick stop and you barrel into his back, face burning with embarrassment. He laughs as you sputter apologizes and wave for him to keep leading the way, but he insists on stopping and turning to face you. His face is puffy with sleep, eyes still scrunching against the lights, but they’re still clear and gentle and it’s hard to miss the teasing twitch of his full lips in such close proximity.

A wave of admiration crashes through you, followed quickly by a sickening feeling of guilt. Yeonjun was probably waiting for you to come talk things out, and here you were drooling over a different boy. “I’m okay, lets keep going.” Urging him on with a gentle push to his muscled back is the most you can do since you still don’t notice anything distinctive to lead you back to the correct dorm. Just a few more steps down the hallway and you can hear voices, overlapping shouts,  and one voice you would recognize anywhere coming from the way you were about to turn. Before you even had time to open your mouth to voice your concern to Jungkook, Yeonjun is stomping down the hallway, a panicked looking Taehyun in tow. 

His face is draw, sharp features heightened by either confusion or anger- it’s hard to tell- as he realizes who’s standing in front of him. The two boys are fairly evenly matched in height but Yeonjun still squares up, lifting his shoulders higher and craning his neck. You know he knows you’re there; you shared a moment of eye contact in the seconds before he leveled a glare at Jungkook. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Yeonjun spits, anger shaking the fists at his sides. Jungkook is shocked, you can tell even from behind him, the way he recoils just slightly and scoffs as if he can’t believe his ears. 

“Look, this doesn’t need to be a fight. I was just helping Y/N get back to your dorm.” You’re amazed at how well he controls his anger, especially after seeing the anger he held back against Yeonjun the night before. You take this as a queue to step out from behind Jungkook’s frame, allowing Yeonjun a better look at you. 

“Oh, before or after she spent the night in your studio? Just couldn’t resist giving her a place to stay. Someone to sleep with?” Anger flares in your stomach, lighting a fire underneath your skin. 

“What the fuck, Yeonjun? Do you really think that I would-”

“Sleep with him? Of course. Why wouldn’t you? Look at the state of you two, don’t tell me you didn’t fuck.” There was simply no believing what was coming out of his mouth, and his words only made you wish that you had acted on the feelings you felt brewing last night. 

“What if I did? You certainly don’t want me! I’m sorry I went looking for companionship somewhere else!” It’s much too quiet in the hallway after that, the only evidence that the world hadn’t stopped turning is Jungkook’s hand that comes up to rest on your shoulder. 

“So you did.” Yeonjun rubs his chin, taking a step backwards in what you assume is disbelief. Tears creep into the corners of your eyes, stubbornly burning and forcing you to blink until your vision is blurry. Jungkook says something you don’t quite catch through the static buzzing in your ears. You feel exhausted, weak at the knees with disbelief at just how awful this interaction was going; so lost that it takes Jungkook shaking your shoulder to bring you back to reality. 

“Please, I don’t want to talk about this here. Yeonjun, let’s go, please.” You beg, walking toward him before he even responds. The idea of being caught in this odd trifecta made you sweat. Jungkook protests but you wave him off quickly, assuring that there was nothing else he could do. As upset as Yeonjun was, you knew that he would calm down substantially once the older boy was gone. 

The walk to the dorm is thankfully short, and Taehyun tries his best at making small talk while Yeonjun trails behind like a petulant child. As soon as you cross into the dorm you feel awkward and hot all over like everyone is watching you even though Taehyun is already disappearing into his room and locking the door while Yeonjun breezes right past you. 

“I’m not playing the silent game.” You follow Yeonjun into the kitchen where he has his head buried in the fridge, making a point to rattle every bottle and package inside of it. 

“Alright, fine. Then you get to tell me the truth.” His voice is softer now, much less elevated and harsh than it was just minutes before. “Did you spend the night with him?” It rattles your bones to hear the edge of hurt in his voice. 

“I was wandering around the building in the middle of the night, and he was too- so I told him what was going on and he offered for me to stay in his studio, on the couch. And I said yes-” Yeonjun’s face crumples. “We watched a movie and I fell asleep.” 

“Why didn’t you just come back? I texted you, Y/N. We literally just argued about communication and the first thing you do is run to a different guy? If I’m not good enough for you, just admit it.” 

“I could say the same exact thing to you. Why am I here? Should I just book a flight home tonight and call it quits? Do you even want to try this?” Yeonjun cracks open a bottle of water and drinks half in one go, avoiding your gaze at all costs. “And I did nothing with Jungkook. Because I respect you, and whatever the fuck this-” You gesture between the two of you, feet apart, “is. Or was.” 

“Don’t say that.” Yeonjun’s voice cracks, reminiscent of the way he used to sound on the phone when he called you at the end of the day. “I- I don’t want to hear you say that. Please.” A tremor of hurt shakes your bones, creates an unpleasant lump in your throat that you try and fail to swallow. Yeonjun appears to you now as similar as he did in your teenage years; uncertain and small and his wide, glassy eyes latching on to you like a lifeline. And you can’t help but remember how you used to be too; devoted to him and naïve about where life was going to take you. 

“I don’t want to say it either, Yeonjun. I hate saying it. But we aren’t the same people we were all those years ago. We’re in two different lives, and as much as I want to be able to fit into yours...it’s never going to happen.” Your body weight feels suddenly too much, like you’re being filled with lead and sunk to the bottom of the ocean to be forgotten. Yeonjun finally closes your perpetual gap in a slow gait that seemed like it would last forever. His eyes are red, puffy, rimmed with unshed tears. Dark circles ring his eyes and you know they’re because he probably didn’t sleep last night either. His lips are chapped and dry, pouting in an incurable sadness. Your fingers itch to cup his jaw and litter him with kisses until he finally grins. 

“Are you saying you don’t love me?” If any other noise had happened at the same time he spoke, you wouldn’t have heard the question. A stake strikes through your heart at the words, scarring your soul for years to come. 

“No, Junnie. I love you so much.” Your bottom lip wobbles and you gasp out a sob, “I just don’t think we’re going to work this time around. We’re both too busy, and on different tracks, and I think we just have to be more r-realistic.” You have to close your eyes, unable to watch the way tears begin to cascade down his own face. “I’m sorry.” You stand alone, still and cold and clamping your eyes shut so hard that they hurt. 

Yeonjun’s body molds around your form, tight and warm and shuddering slightly from his own tears. He smells like laundry detergent and musk and you shake with regret as his arms wind around your back and hold you as close to his frame as you think is humanly possible. Your tears soak his crewneck as the fabric scratches your skin. His heart beat is erratic, but you know yours isn’t fairing any better, and you can’t help but curse the universe for bringing you all this way with him just to shoot you back down. 

“I’m sorry too. For not being enough.” His words rumble into your hair and you can’t even find the energy to refute them and instead just shake your head. Your head spins in wild circle as Yeonjun finally stops shaking underneath you in favor of cupping your face in tender hands, forcing you to open your eyes. His look felt more intimate than anything else you had shared before; a pure and expressive opening into his most vulnerable form and the knowledge that you were the reason he was feeling it. 

“I think I should try to catch an earlier flight home.” You aren’t quite sure exactly why you say it, but Yeonjun doesn’t seem surprised at the notion. After all, there would be nothing to stick around for. He still had to work and you had no relationship left to hang on to. You hadn’t even gotten around to unpacking your suitcase. Yeonjun nods sadly, wiping at a few more tears before clearing his throat. His voice is thick, the evidence of his emotion loud and clear and your heart breaks at the thought of truly walking away from him. 

“I’ll miss you, Y/N.” There’s no telling if he would ever contact you after this, or if you would contact him. Maybe the two of you will live with odd shadows of one another in the back of your heads for the rest of your lives- a teenage romance rekindled years later only to explode and crackle and eventually fade into the dark.