#it's almost like this is why I have MDD

[nylonnye2]

Maladaptive daydreaming and autism are such annoying fucking things to have because you'll be friends with people and trust them and tell them about it and they'll say they support and understand you and then the second you do something they don't like it's okay to make fun of you for both of those things.. like if you're not gonna like me at least pretend it's because I pissed you off that one time bro

[northernworms]

where are the books and the movies where the chronically ill or terminally ill person lives? genuinely asking

(see tags. small vent)

[punkeropercyjackson]

"You're real fucking sweet but i gotta watch out,you'll burst my bubble,like strawberry POP!"

For @rinverse ' 1 year Atsv annivesary event and illustrated by @a-hypnos-v/ @andris-ghostpunkflower-ac 's my Spidersona:Nora Morales aka Earth 1610's Spiderwoman,also know as Gamespider!

Nora is the eldest Morales sibling at 36/37 with Jefferson and Rio being aged up to their 60s but he's not their bio kid because i'm black biracial instead of monoracial so he's adopted!His parents took him in as a 16 year old street kid who'd been kicked out for being trans,specifically transmasc genderfluid and bigender.The Morales fam are super supportive of him and always have been!!

He's super bubbly,goofy,silly,sweet and kind but very insecure due to his trauma which also included getting bullied at school with zero friends and never went to college because his neurodivergence made school at that level too hard for him(audhd,anxiety and mdd)and Miles having all the same ones didn't help at all.But he never takes it out on him and is super proud of him for how smart he is and they're best friends on top of being adoptive siblings!!!Nora's also really snarky and lowkey cheeky and a huge gamer and geek and actually pretty responsible with good self-care habits contrary to the stereotype because he's a black fem instead of a white dudebro who dosen't read Spiderman comics.His poor social skills made it hard for him to connect with people but he does have a few casual friends in Itsv!No real strong connection though,it's just people he knows well enough.I think it goes without saying but he has hidden anger issues and spiteful tendencies too!

His version of the movies is called 'Spiderman/Spiderwoman:Spiderverse' but would be dubbed Spidersiblings:Spiderverse by fans if he were canon!It's both his and Miles' story as the titulary Spiderman and Spiderwoman so they're co-protagonists and Across has him as the fem mc instead of Gwen

Into him worked at the diner Peter B and Miles talked at and that's why Miles took him to it and Jefferson is a househusband because fuck copganda

Nora actually got bit at work at the same time Miles did while with Ripeter and Nora's intro blends into his as their theme songs play back to back/mixed into eachother:Miles' is 'Sunflower' and Nora's is 'Strawberry Pop',a rap song about black womanhood and Nora's type specifically as it was written for him like Sunflower was for Miles and both have a few lyrics referencing eachother as the heart and soul of Spiderverse.They're open with eachother about almost everything and Nora partially helped raise Miles so he always looked up to him but stopped vocalizing it as he got older so Nora misenterpreted it as him not thinking he was cool anymore and it hurt but he didn't vocalize that either because he found it fair

Nora was close to Uncle Aaron too and had suspiciouns he was hiding something and there's a moment where he jokes that he's secretly a supervillain but pretends not to be to protect the family with a goofy expression and hand gestures and we don't see Aaron's expression on purpose for dramatics and angst sake

His Spider motif is the purple jumping spider so his power is super strong legs including beyond average strength in them and echanced jumping and the rest of his body is already thick beforehand due to age(and so he dosen't look ridicilous LMAO)

Peter B is his main love interest!They bickered a lot in Itsv due to the whole 'extrovert optismist vs introvert pessimist' thing but had relathionship development as they got to know eachother and worked together and ended up crushing on eachother.Nora was the first older trans person Gwen met so she instantly latched onto him because they clocked eachother and he was happy to be friends with her and mutual mentors for lack of a better term(i.e Gwen taught Nora about being Spiderwoman and Nora was a positive adult figure in Gwen's life who took care of and looked out for her).He gets along with Peni,Noir and Spiderham too and Peni is shoujo based instead of moefication bullshit so naturally her and Nora's pastel femme ass hit it off

What's Up Danger? is a Morales Siblings shared theme song and Nora gives Miles ressurances as much as their parents and Peter B do and Peter B himself helps Nora out in feeling like Spiderwoman even before he chills out.There's a scene where Nora devastates that Miles will never look up to him like he used to but will make a great Spiderman and Miles is shocked speechless before he say he just didn't think he needed to say it anymore and got made fun of for admiring his big sister so much by his bullies because he talked about him at school a few times and tells him he never stopped being his hero and that he's 'the most awesome Spidersister in any universe' and that's what gives Nora the confidence to really be Spiderwoman as they rush off to the collider after hugging tightly and grinning at eachother.Nora is Spiderwoman(male)and Miles is Spiderman(female)

Nora showed bits of interest in punk culture in Into and goes full pastel punk/afropunk between it and Across and that's where his suit upgrade comes in and Itsv!Nora dressed like an afrolatina grandma tbh while Atsv!Nora dresses like a baddie and a huge faggot(complimentary).Spiderwoman is frequently seen at riots and charity events and Spiderman accoumpanies him when he's not too busy with school shit.Also Spiderwoman dosen't follow the no kill rule just for the exception of abusers and fascists

Nora becomes even more parental acting post Uncle Aaron's death for obvious reasons and there's direct talk of him in Across because of how important he was to the Spidersiblings.As Spider(wo)man,Nora naturally has something going on with all adult MJ's(meaning yes 1610 MJ and 616 MJ but not Em Jay because she's Gwen's age)and there's a joke of this when they sneak into the Kingpin party with the Mjnora interaction that implies bisexual MJ who loves all Spidermans regardless of gender

Atsv has a rework of it's intro sequence with a speech by the og Spiderfam(Miles,Nora,Gwen and Peter B)and same for the actual art/animation in it and Nora is the first amongst them to discover Spider Society,followed by him and Peter B reuiniting in a corny romantic scene that's interrupted by Miguel and Jessica and it cuts back and forth to them and Gwen as contrast and Gwen and Nora have an equally tender reunion as she frantically tells him what happened to her in a meltdown and he comforts her as they make it to Spider Society.Nora excitedly says he can't wait to tell Miles about it until Miguel says he can't just yet and refuses to tell him why so Nora just gives up and follows along because he's so fucking annoying about it.The movie is extended to almost 3 hours and there's a lot of Nora and Miles bonding in Earth 1610 and Peternora replaces Ghostflower as the love story of the movie and Gwen and Miles are platonic to not feel like it's only a thing because they're the other two main Spiderpeople

Hobie and Nora did the Spiderman pointing meme when they first met because they're both punk Spiderpeople and acted like they'd known eachother for years after only a few days of friendship and Nora basically adopted Hobie as his little brother and pseudo-son.They're platonic t4t black love realness and Margo gets in on it too since him and Nora have a shared special interests in video games and other matching tastes and Nora provides a shoulder to cry on when Mr and Mrs Kess are being extra toxic.He also helped Peni post Canon Event to cope and could relate from his own broken childhood that turned him into an edgecase too at the time and Pavitr and him are beyond unserious together and Gwen lives with Hobie fulltime on his boat and Nora visits them often enough to parent them it's pretty much his second house

This earns Nora the nickname 'Spider Manager' since they call themselves the Spiderband and he's their mentor/caretaker(Also George Stacy is Nora's canon event cop /hj.MURK THAT NIGGA!!!!!!)

Punkflower happens and their dynamic is the same because they're already so romantically-coded but there's more scenes and expansion due to longer run time.Ghostbyte also is together but there's tension going on not due to antagonizing eachother but due to Gwen's fated death and Margo's self-worth issues in regards to romance because of the 'disposable black love interest' trope.I wouldn't say they're on the same level because misogynoir is a very real thing but i think it's a good angle to work with in-universe and i'm a black woman myself so i'd say it's okay for me to since it's my territory

Jessnora is REALLLLLLL THEY'RE SO FUCKING GAY.Jessica still has a husband and is pregnant but they're polyamorous so it's okay with him them being a thing and Jessnora is that one trope where they're both chaotic but one's classy and elegant and smooth about it and the other's just a fucking menace with NO fanciness to them.Noraguel is also real in an enemies to lovers and rather angsty way as Nora actually changes a lot of Miguel's views by working with him and making him spend quality time so he unwinds but he's still scared to loose everything all over again and Spiderman and Spiderwoman in the same dimension makes them The Original Anomalies and it's a long while before he connects the dots and is too blinded by his trauma to see reason.He knows he loves Nora too but Nora has no clue on his feelings or Miguel's and it's torture because he can't figure out why he's so important to him but nonetheless dosen't hesitate to beat his ass and come for his entire life

42 Nora aka Nora J(Junia)is Venom's host who ran away from home post Jefferson's death because it broke him and is a vigilante like Miles G but much darker in his plots and sourer and meaner.There's a horror movie based reveal in the finale where Miles thinks he's safe because his Nora is with him but he turns and reveals himself as Venom-faced but has no actual intentions of hurting him contrary to his terror and his actual Nora gets Miles G and there's a dual frame reveal where the 42 Morales Siblings say the same thing:'I'm Miles/Nora Morales'

42 Nora/Nora J is also known as 'Venora',Nora has the trans pin on his Atsv costume to match Gwen's room flag,all Spiderpeople have special move the others can't do and Nora's being able to hack with his webs thanks to being kinda a criminal to get by when he was a homeless kid giving him experience beforehand and Beyond has Nora helping Miles G get that redemption-healing arc so at some point he asks him why he's so insistant on caring about him so Nora responds 'I'm gonna save you even if it kills me.You're my sunflower too'

[kira-fluff]

haikyuu!! neurodivergent headcanons 💕

tw: several listed mental illnesses, some of these are solely off of vibes but most of them I have reasons lol note! I do not believe autism is a mental illness or something that is "wrong" with an individual, hence why the title is "neurodivergent" rather than "mental illness". just had to put that out there! to all my neurodivergent babies I love you! a/n: hello! as a neurodivergent like myself (depression, anxiety, ptsd, bulimia, etc etc) i thought it would be really cool to do an analysis on one of my biggest hobbies (psychological illnesses) and relate them to haikyuu characters! some of them have a deeper explanation because I feel so strongly about it.

attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD) BOKUTO, hinata, NISHINOYA, atsumu, lev

generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) sugawara, OIKAWA, asahi, yamaguchi, yachi, aone, akaashi, tendo

social anxiety disorder (SAD) asahi, KENMA

post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) oikawa

depression (MDD) oikawa, KENMA, kuroo, suna, matsukawa, tendo

autism sakusa, USHIJIMA, kageyama, kyotani, kenma

eating disorder(s) (AND, BND, BED) OIKAWA, KENMA

obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) oikawa

borderline personality disorder (BPD) daishou

insomnia kuroo, kenma, osamu

hypersomnia suna

analysis under the cut

it's pretty obvious that bokuto struggles the most to self-regulate, even to others, but I personally believe that oikawa struggles the most with his mental health.

like almost everyone in haikyuu, oikawa is obsessed with volleyball, but he takes it to a point of overexertion and taking his anger and frustration at his own inadequacies out on others.

I really think oikawa's relationship between he and kageyama and he and ushijima are the ones that show how bad his anxiety is

ushijima and kageyama both don't understand the emotions oikawa is feeling which could be written off as them not understanding their talents, but I think it's something more

to me, I feel it is blatantly obvious that ushijima is autistic. he just so frequently seems to be unable to read the emotions of others or takes things literally when it's something else intended. I'm not autistic, though, so autistic community, let me know your thoughts!

bokuto and hinata both have an insane amount of energy, but struggle to be successful in school. sports works for both of them because their focus is constantly needed to be diverted or "all over the place" that it helps them be great players

kuroo is one of those other characters that I feel like I'm reaching to say he has mental health struggles but to me it just comes off in vibes. first of all, any kid with divorced parents should be in therapy so I feel there's definitely some struggles there.

I think kuroo is the type that hides his struggles and pretends they aren't happening. he puts a lot of pressure on himself to be the best at everything he does, and so he feels he doesn't have time to deal with the emotions that leave him feeling empty

kenma was someone I immediately felt was autistic. he has so many key factors like an obsession/hyperfocus on his hobbies and trouble socializing (social anxiety).

kenma has some of the strongest evidence toward my beliefs, specifically in this quote: "I'm not good with people, and I don't want to interact with them. and yet, I'm very concerned about what others think of me." like, tell me that doesn't radiate autistic/SAD vibes!!!!

idk what it is, like inadequacies or what but I genuinely believe oikawa has some kind of trauma. like he's definitely carrying something that so heavily effected him that it controls the choices he makes in life

I don't have much evidence that suna has depression, it's just a vibe because of his mannerisms and what he says. I think it's the kind where it's well-managed, but it shows up in physical symptoms like apathy more than anything.

atsumu gives ADHD vibes solely because of like how all over the place he is and how he can't always seem to properly get out what he's trying to say lol

sakusa is one that to me could be seen as "done with your bullshit" but I think he also hates crowds (like me, I mean who doesn't) and struggles socially probably because of anxiety or autism. not sure!

basing daishou off of vibes, too, because if I'm being honest all I've seen in the show is him having hostile relationships or being on-off with them, though its certain I could be reading too much into it, but that's the fun of headcanons.

do you agree with what I wrote? I would love to hear your thoughts!

[creepypasta-darling]

Creepypasta Mental Illness Headcanons

MASSIVE TW: TALKS OF MENTAL ILLNESS, SELF HARM, AND UNHEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS. PLEASE CONTINUE WITH CAUTION, OR IF YOU ARE NOT IN A GOOD HEADSPACE, PLEASE IGNORE.

Tim/Masky

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Schizophrenia, Substance Depenency Disorder

I've said this before, and I will say this again: Tim is a whole different person from Masky. Tim is someone who I believe is more fearful and is prone to being sheepish until he blows up in anger. Masky on the other hand is a Protector, who shields them from pain and takes most of the blows. Tim has reason to fight for his freedom from Slender, and has even gone to great lengths to hide his identity from people to protect them against The Operator. Masky believes that in order to keep them safe, she must do what Slender says. She takes great pride in being part of the top 3 and being someone to rely on. She also takes pride in caring for the mansion and the people around her.

They both must have a pattern, or else everything and everyone they know will be on the verge of death. That is what happened in Marble Hornets, that is what happened in their childhood, that is what will happen now. This is also why they are addicted to Marijuana and prescription medication. However, it is for different reasons. Tim is addicted to prescription medication due to never wanting The Operator to have control over his life again. Masky is addicted to Marijuana due to the anger issues she feels deep inside, and has found that is the only way for her to think rationally.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Brian/Hoodie

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Schizophrenia, Social Anxiety Disorder, Insomnia, Amnesia

Much like Tim/Masky, Brain/Hoodie has to have a pattern so no one will die. This is also why he started the ToTheArk channel during Marble Hornets, to warn them before it was too late due to Jay. He takes great pride in being anonymous, it's almost like he's playing God. He can control who will live, and who will die just by his routine. Obviously, there's more to it. But not in his mind. Never in his mind.

He also has a lot of social anxiety, due to Marble Hornets. This gives him ample sleepless nights where he has nightmares of his past. He can't remember them when he wakes up, but it destroys him inside. He has no memory of his childhood due to it as well. When the Slender Sickness took over his mind, he lost a lot of memories. The only person in his life he remembers vividly is Tim. Everyone else he feels is part of a simulation, they are there but they have no personality. He can't understand why he can't form connections with others. He just knows they're out to get him.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Kate the Chaser

Social Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Schizophrenia, Insomnia, Amnesia

The things that keep Kate up at night from her past is haunting. She remembers bits and pieces, but most importantly her sister and the screams of the people she held dear. The windows, the doors, everything. She must check them all night long. She keeps herself in the dark so she can no longer feel the pain. She keeps herself secluded because of all of it, doing the same routine so no one else suffers how she did.

This leads to her taking longer to complete missions, forgetting people close to her, and suffering a lot of trauma because of it. To the point she sometimes forgets who she is at all. All she knows is that if Slender gets too close to others, she will be at fault. To her, it's all her fault. She can't separate herself from the monster in her mind, the monster under the bed, and even the monster in the forest. Although like Tim she has run multiple times to live a normal life, it all becomes ruined. She'd rather protect the world than try to do things for herself. She can't handle the pressure, and has a lot of self injurious scars to show it. She'd never say it though. She can't.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Rouge

Kleptomania, Schizophrenia, Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), Insomnia, Amnesia

She is in a constant state of panic and grief, she has lost so many children and she has suffered in ways that no one should. Due to this, she keeps her distance, and suffers from serious self injury and dark thoughts. Even though she doesn't realize it. She doesn't even know she does anything of the sort. She'll wake up to bloody sheets and people crying, but has no idea why. The dark thoughts just merge with her own, she can't even remember when they started. People try to help her, but she doesn't even realize she needs help.

Due to being in the woods, she has grown a hoarding mentality. She takes things from convince stores, grocery, even things she doesn't really want or need. The idea of getting caught is so foreign to her that she just never notices the people yelling at her to put it back. It even got to a point where cabin mates were locking their things and hiding it in ditches. She just thinks of how she can survive, and how she wants to live normally. Keeping these things will give her a joy for a little while, and even though it's short lived, she'd rather that then suffering anymore.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Nurse Ann

Antisocial Personailty Disorder (ASPD), Insomnia, Amnesia, Kleptomania, Schizophrenia

This girl is as standoff-ish as they come, often getting into fights with other housemates or simply having a cold demeanor. As a child she had conduct issues, which seemed to go away in her teens, only to return after her passing in her 20s. She had struggled with making genuine emotional ties with people, and even sought to make friendships more like partnerships due to the extent of her conduct issues. When she had fallen in love with the doctor at the local hospital she worked at, it was the first time she had even let someone into her life at that point. She had even removed her family from her life. But the doctor wasn't as good as he seemed, and how she is just as standoffish as before.

Like with Rouge, she has a hoarding mentality. She feels as if she has to take and take and take in order to survive due to her rapid decay of her body. She mostly takes first aid supplies and sewing needles and thread. Sometimes though she'll take things just to do something nice for herself.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Observer

Kleptomania, Antisocial Personailty Disorder (ASPD), Insomnia, Amnesia, Schizophrenia

I feel like this guy has the mind of 10 Einsteins. He's extremely calculated and has analyzed every situation in his head before it happens. Because of this, he doesn't really get along with a lot of people, but can convince them he does. It's all an act, he plays the part well, and he'll have you thinking how he does soon enough. He's very good at persuasion and will weave the conversation into ways he wants very easily. It's how he survived for this long, even before the events of TribeTwelve.

This is also why he gets away with a lot of shit. He steals quite often, and although part of him feels bad, he always thinks if it was really a problem people would catch him. He's so delusional he doesn't know people catch him all the time and just take it back. He struggles a lot with sleep, always has, ever since he was young. It causes him to have moments during the day where he legit just passes the hell out. Straight up. He'll faint and be gone for a couple hours only to come back and act like nothing has happened.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Kevin

Schizophrenia, Insomnia, Amnesia, Trichotillomania, Dysthymia, Anxiety Disorder

Poor Kevin. All he wanted to do was go to school, and now he's stuck in this Slender mess. He tries so hard to keep the little memories he has, but due to the Slender sickness it just escapes him. He can remember only his childhood, but the memories of his friends and older past fades so quickly.. He never remembers what he was doing or how he ended up here.

He just knows when he sleeps he's asleep for what feels like minutes, and when he's awake it feels like months. It makes him tear his hair out and picks his skin due to the stress. He struggles with body dismorphia and image issues due to the excessive picking and plucking. He does, however, try to get better. Even if it's while fighting the monster that has entered him.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

HABIT

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Insomnia, Amnesia, Dysthymia, Hypersexuality, Schizophrenia

This guy is so disoriented and so in love with himself, everyone else is so stupid and merely a vessel for him to manipulate, use, and destroy. It's scratch your back you scratch mine, but in a much more sinister way. It's more like you scratch my back I run my claws against yours until you bleed. Doesn't mean he can't be compassionate. Sometimes a little too much. When he loves, he adores, but when he hates, he loathes. If you catch him in a good moment you can see he honestly does care and tries to help, even if he knows the outcome won't be in your favor. Honestly, he's doing them a service if you think about it.

Everyone should praise him for it. Everyone should worship him as much as he worships himself. He's the only one with the cure to your ache. He's the only one with the answers. What do you mean he doesn't find satisfaction in humans? Sure he does. When it involves him dominating them in any way he can. Take that as you will. But he has so much darkness hidden behind the whimsical, behind how cruel he can be he sees himself in every victim, every love, every hate. He sees himself. He hates that and that's why he does it in the first place. He has a bad "habit" of picking his skin when he possesses someone for too long. It makes him itch thinking of the past and he hates that it gets to him so much. He's like a child, huge anger and no outlet. He doesn't even know why it hurts him so bad.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Evan

Bipolar Disorder I, Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Schizophrenia, Insomnia, Amnesia

He has no idea what's going on. One minute he's extremely there, in the moment, watching everything around him. He feels great, everything's great, he's with his friends and they are great. But then he looses his consciousness. All of a sudden he's watching through someone else's eyes, watching everything burn and fall apart. He's watching him hurt those he loves. He forgets what it's like not feel this bad. He doesn't remember his childhood or even the previous week. He feels so much guilt and shame, he isolates for what feels like months.

He's so caught up in staying away, he doesn't even see that he is growing angrier, and angrier, and angrier. He loses sleep over just the thought of everyone he's ever fought for, only to be left alone. When he finally returns, it's almost as if he's a new person. He never lets his anger out towards others, and it's all internal. The anger turns into grief. Grief over all he's lost due to his own outbursts. He's always been like this, but every time he feels so hurt and so alone. But everyone can see it. He is not okay. Until he is. And everything is great again.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Firebrand/Noah

Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Schizophrenia, Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), Insomnia

Some days he can't handle the pain. It's like there's a gnawing ache inside of him, he just wants it all to end, he wants this to be different. He misses Milo with such a heavy heart, it's almost maddening. He can't let go, that's the only person who understood him. He's the only person who stood up for him. The pictures, the letters, the voicemails. It's almost like he's there. Noah never feels like it'll go away. Grief lasts for lifetimes, and in every one of his nightmares he just sees the blood, the screaming, the anguish. he could have done more. He could have protected him. He could have understood. He can't let go of that.

It's such an overwhelming feeling, that it feels like it becomes permanent. He wakes up and barely goes to the restroom, he barely eats through the day, hell, before all of this stuff with Observer and Habit, Kevin was taking care of him most of the time. At least making sure he was alive. Noah occasionally has a moment where he doesn't dwell on it, and those days are like heaven. He can brush his teeth, he can watch TV, he can get his life together. But it's only for a little while before those thoughts creep back in again.

P.S. ALL PROXIES HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. THAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS BUT REALLY IT'S SLENDER SICKNESS.

Eyeless Jack

Antisocial Personailty Disorder (ASPD), Social Anxiety Disorder, Binge Eating Disorder (BED), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Major Depressive Disorder (MDD)

Let's face it, before Jack even became a demon he had trauma up the ass. He was riddled with anxiety since he was a child and grew to hate people. He was often bullied due to his appearance and race and he never quite got a grip on his emotions from it, choosing to believe that people aren't worth the effort to care for. He can pretend he likes them, but in all honesty, he just doesn't care. His childhood was full of fighting parents and the pressure to be the perfect Asian American child. The American Dream was pushed so far down his throat, he could barely think. He learned being quiet and separating his emotions was easier than dealing with the pressure. He was never that bad, right? I mean, if he never did drugs, or drank, or went to these elaborate parties and just did what people wanted and did what he wanted after, it was fine. He wasn't damaged. Well. At least he thought so.

After the ritual, he became so hungry. He was plagued with hunger pains, and he would eat until he couldn't breathe. After eating the cult he tried to just live off animals and garbage from the forest that outskirted the school. He was too embarrassed to go back home. He looked like a monster. When he finally gave into his cannibalistic cravings, however, he would gorge himself sick. He felt so guilty for it. He never wanted this. Every time he eats he feels like he's watching the people who hurt him, imagining it was their organs instead of the person he's eating. It got so bad that he started to try to fast, to try to get rid of the thoughts. He tried exercising until he could barely walk. But it only made it so much worse.

Jeff

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Insomnia, Substance Depenency Disorder, Alcohol Use Disorder, Trichotillomania, Hypersexuality

Jeff is the type of guy who doesn't believe what he did was wrong, no, he did them all a favor. He's saving them from the pain of life. He's giving them a new start. They should be grateful that the last thing they see is someone as handsome as him. He's the only one who is good enough. He's good enough, right? He'll make you see he's good enough. He's the only one who can make you feel anything, pain or pleasure, and you have no reason to deny it.

What's hidden underneath though is a sad, sad man. After what happened at his parents house, he lost control of himself. For a while he was delusional, went on what seemed like an endless killing spree, stealing, stalking, doing anything he could to escape what he had done. But then one night the feelings from when he was a kid came back. He couldn't sleep. He could barely move, he was crying all the time. He was drinking until blackout, and started heavily using heroin. He would look in old mirrors and just see someone hideous. He tried to fix it. He tried to fix his hair, but ended up tearing it out. He goes back and forth between these two facades often of himself, almost in a trance.

BEN

Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Kleptomania, Trichotillomania

BEN was just a kid when he died, and he didn't really know anything about the world. The only thing he knew was that it was boring. Unfortunately, he would end up acting up in school because of it. He couldn't sit still, he has racing thoughts, and he would take and do things just because he thought about it. This didn't really sit well in the system, and he jumped from one school to the next often. Eventually, he had to be homeschooled, where everything took a turn for the worse.

When the abuse started happening, BEN tried to outrun it. He tried to leave the house on multiple occasions, but was caught by neighbors just trying to help out and his family who knew he's run to the arcade. He would steal cars and figured out how to hack gas station pumps to get credit cards and gas to try to run. He started to dissociate a lot, becoming almost paralyzed by it, pulling his eyebrow hairs and his eyelashes until they were bare. This unfortunately carried on into his afterlife as well.

Jane

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Schizophrenia, Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), Insomnia, Dermatillomania

Before Jeff had done what he did to her, Jane is very meticulous about her life. She woke up at 7 am, she made breakfast for her family, she'd walk to school and made sure not to step on cracks, she did her homework by 8 pm and went to bed at 10 pm. This was her whole life, she never changed.

That is until Jeff did what he did. She became obsessing over her locks on her doors and windows, and her routine became more strict. Her body refused to sleep until everything was secure, but it was always never enough. She started to hear voices and see shadows in the corners of her eyes, telling her she had to start all over or else he would get her. She started feeling bugs on her skin, and would pick at thr skin to get rid of the feeling. Eventually, her whole life revolved around Jeff and what Jeff had done. She had so say, no free will, And that's why she hates him so. He ruin her appearance. He ruined her family. He ruined her mind. She can't rest until she knows he's six feet under. She can't be free until then. But even then, was she ever free?

Nina

Bipolar Disorder II, Schizophrenia, Insomnia, Trichotillomania, Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Hypersexuality

Nina whole life had always been a rollercoaster. When she was a child, she was diagnosed with Schizophrenia, which created a ripple in her family. She became the sole caregiver to her brother, and they were tied from the hip. Which she could say the same about her parents, though. They stayed together, but they couldn't agree on what was best for Nina. Eventually, they gave up entirely on the other, and in turn their children. This made Nina hide her feelings a lot, and she ended up taking a particular kind eye towards serial killers and mass murderers, seeing them as a way out. She started picking her hair and messing with her features to better suit one of her idols, Jeff the Killer.

When she was 14 she was diagnosed with Bipolar, which just made things worse. Her already paranoid outlook became more protective of her brother, in turn almost making her the parent. She would get into physical fights, never taking blame, which passed to her brother. They would bounce off of each others emotions often, causing a greater rip in the household. She would go from extremely angry, depressed and sadistic for weeks on end to kind and nurturing, which prompted the diagnosis. When she was 18, She started to idolize killers more and more, until she would stay up reading their stories and watching court cases until it was the only thing she could think about. She began stabbing her pillow, imagining how they must have felt. It was almost orgasmic, and she started plotting for her own story soon. Well, until things didn't go to plan.

Liu/Sully

Bipolar Disorder I, Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Insomnia, Substance Depenency Disorder

Liu already had mental illness before Jeff had killed their family. Liu was 9 when he was diagnosed with OCD and Bipolar, often getting angry and acting out at home due to his family dynamic. His parents were always catering to Liu, trying to calm him down and make him better, but he never wanted that. He just wanted Jeff. He was the only person who ever understood Liu. They often would stay up late at night, talking about their dreams. Jeff even told Liu he would get him out of here, and he would live with Jeff, and all of the problems they'd face wouldn't matter. Liu believed that.

Until Jeff tried to kill him. It was a night that Liu had gone to bed early, which was out of his routine. Due to the trauma that Jeff caused, Liu gets flashbacks often of Jeff on top of him, stabbing pains and blurry vision. That's when Sully came around. He's a Protector alter Liu had. When Liu started to get flashbacks Sully would come out and act normal, act kind and generous, until they were in a safe space. However, it wasn't as safe as Liu hoped. Sully often indulged in Marijuana and cocaine, and refused to take meds for Liu's mental illness. This caused Liu to become addicted as well, which distorted his thinking tremendously.

Jason the Toymaker

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Kleptomania, Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), Hypersexuality, Substance Depenency Disorder

It's no secret that Jason has BPD and Kleptomania. Anyone who came in contact with the guy came to learn he has a tendency to "borrow" things from people he particularly likes. He also gets physically violent when called on his behavior, and has a very hard time distinguishing grey areas in people's actions. It's all bad or all good, never an in-between. He has very poor image of himself despite his efforts to appear flawless, and tends to self injurious behaviors because of it. It heals very quickly, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have to do patch jobs from time to time.

Because of Amelia, he grieves in very odd ways, and for very extended periods of time. Despite moving from victim to victim hastily, he keeps every one he has turned into a doll. He tries to make them to be the perfect friends, and even pretends they banter with him and have their own mind. People have tried to help him disconnect from his make believe reality, and he has tried therapy before. He doesn't feel like it works, however, and had gotten an addiction to Benzos and cocaine because of it. He is an energy vampire, and finds himself at parties and social gatherings a lot, feeding off the energy. He's tried harder drugs before, and drinks quite often, but in his words, "it's not the same as just swallowing a pill and having your world be better for a few minutes."

Candy Pop

Binge Eating Disorder (BED), Bipolar Disorder II, Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), Insomnia, Night Terrors, Hypersexuality

Candy Pop is honestly a dire situation, that people just don't know how to react to. There are two separate souls fighting every day all the time to be the front mask. Night Terrors is his own demon, and has his problems on his own that nobody really knows. The end of. Candy Pop, however, used to be so fun loving and happy, before all this mess. He still has heightened areas of manic episodes, which is more like his true self, but then he has periods of complete meltdown that makes it really hard for people to like him. This, along with the fact that he has years upon years of torture and guilt within him, makes for no reason for him not to have his own night terrors and Insomnia when he can sleep.

The guilt and shame also comes out in weird ways, in him having many sexual partners but only really craving his beloved who passed away, eating until he physically gets ill for days, and progressing to self injurious behavior and activities makes up his free time most of the time. The people who see him suffer are only those closest to him, and try everything in their power to make sure he's distracted. But they have their own problems, and when he needs to take off steam, he'll find a way. It's terrifying how he has become his own inner monster, in a sense.

Bloody Painter

Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Amnesia, Hypersexuality, Social Anxiety Disorder

Due to excessive bullying in his younger years, Helen never really learned that people could not be jerks. Early on, even before the massacre, he kind of only interacted with people if it meant something was in it for him. In fact, he did this even outside of school. His parents never knew, but he would meet up with strangers to take care of his business. It gave him a sense of self worth and esteem.

However, outside of these interactions, he was very quiet, lonely, and isolated. He never felt like he could talk to anyone about how he felt, and although he persevered, he still has issues with trusting people and letting them in. His depression from isolation comes in rages, where after he gets out his frustration, he feels peace again. After the massacre, He had lost all memory of what life was like before the massacre, not even remembering his own last name. He has yet to remember.

Judge Angels

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Dysthymia, Social Anxiety Disorder

Dina had a lot of trauma growing up in a house where no one truly listened nor was able to understand Dina. Constantly being isolated from other kids and being kept on a leash, being told that she would be ridiculed and mocked for her appearance, has made her dislike the thought of people entirely. Mix that with her father's physical and verbal abuse did not help the situation, either.

When her mother passed away, Dina had lost the only person who had genuinely tried to help. She didn't just lose her mother, but her only friend as well. She had a deep hatred towards men specifically, and it takes a long time for her to see the good in people. Having frequent panic attacks over eyes on her and always feeling like the center of attention, she also feels quite isolated and empty. She has very strong rages that are extremely violent and easily turn to disaster. She also has an addiction towards self injury, and picks at her skin, especially around the nape of her neck and her hips. It was so bad, in fact, when she had met Helen, he had to patch up her left hip, because the skin was hanging by a shred.

Clockwork

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), Bipolar Disorder I, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Major Depressive Disorder (MDD)

Natalie is not someone to mess with, and she makes sure it's known. She was diagnosed with the majority of her illness as a teen and has been on meds galore. But nothing really seemed to help calm her nerves enough to take the edge off. Everything Natalie does is due to fight or flight and extremely routine. She's been fighting for her life for years, and when she finally got free from that fear of running out of time, she snapped. Hard. Before, if she had flashbacks, she would isolate herself for weeks at a time, doing nothing but homework and drawing. Now, she makes it everyone's problem, often telling people in graphic detail of her emotions not with calm words, but with violent threats.

However, this doesn't mean she's all fighter. You can often catch Natalie sitting by herself. If you can catch her in the right moment, she is somber, often lost, like a little girl waiting for her parents to be home. If she cries in front of you, it means you are the closest thing to a friend she has ever had. And if she actually talks about the abuse, she'll tell you how she wants out of the life she is living and wants to return to a normal life, but she doesn't want to go to jail. If anyone has any chance of getting better, it's Natalie. She has years of therapy under her belt and has gone through so much trauma that she has faced on her own will to get better, that if anyone put their mind to it and actually got out successfully, it would be her.

Laughing Jack

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Dysthymia, Hypersexuality, Anxiety Disorder

Unfortunately Jack has dealt with traumatizing situations in his early use, and has never gotten help for it because, well, he's an entity. So of course he is riddled with anxiety. He listened to abuse in a box for years, getting abandoned from the person he was made to be with. This causes him to have very violent anger outbursts that sometimes prevent him from being let into the mansion. This is part of the reason he has dual housing.

Also it's probably a shocker to most when they learn of his Hypersexuality, but Jack was in a home full of sexual activity and abuse. It had gotten to a point where when he's super anxious or having bad flashbacks he'll pick his hair, but not in the places people would expect. Jack is a toy, sure, but an anatomically correct one at that. He has a tendency to pluck his pubic hairs and hairs on his armpits, which is an ode to Issac. (Issac had done this in his time alive, away from Jack, but the more distorted Issac got the more distorted Jack got. Jack ended up with a lot of traits he can't remember where they started from due to this.)

Julius The Dressmaker

Anorexia Nervosa, Substance Depenency Disorder, Alcohol Use Disorder, Bipolar Disorder II, Antisocial Personailty Disorder (ASPD)

Julius has had enough of people, in all honesty. He's found how to manipulate people's perception of him into positivity, although in all honesty his demeanor is cold and standoffish. When he's having episodes however he's very energetic, almost as if he's floating on clouds. All his past partners get extremely freaked out by it, especially with the mix of substances he uses. His moods are always 100%, and he often has violent tendencies.

At one point they thought he had a conduct disorder as a child due to the inappropriate interactions people had with him. He's either extremely violent or flattering, and goes between praising you to degrading you in seconds. He's extremely harsh on himself as well, going from loving how he looks to thinking how absolutely revolting he is. He has always hated how he looked, and had texture issues, and ends up forcing himself to be extremely malnourished and fragile. Although he won't admit it, he is considerably more weak in terms of strength, and if it wasn't for him being a demon, most people would have possibility to overcome him.

Killian

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Orthorexia Nervosa, Substance Depenency Disorder, Alcohol Use Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Hypersexuality

Killian has had a rough childhood, to say the least. He often has flashbacks and night terrors of abuse he can barely remember, due to blocking them out unintentionally in his teen years. Because of his childhood, he not only began to hang with wrong people early on, but began to have distorted self image. Everyone has always loved his looks, so he uses his looks as a way to prey on people. Constantly having sex and disregarding people for his bad behavior, he believes although he is disrespectful and disgusting, he is the closest thing to God, and people should praise him for being who he is.

Also the mix of substances and alcohol makes this perception worse. He believes he's so much better than others, but then he thinks he is the embodiment of evil. Although these thoughts consume him regularly, he tries to push them down, again, unintentionally. It comes out in ways that are strange to him. Everyone loves his looks, but he must have a structured schedule to stay looking good. Forcing strange food rules and refusing to eat outside of them, usually ending up forcing his partners to follow them as well or degrading them when they eat something outside of his own rules. Although he is much healthier than his peers, deep down he's hurting from things he doesn't know he's hurting from.

[chiefmilesobrien]

Since I’m thinking about the meds thing - I did just start a new medication, because I’ve been in a depressive episode again (soooo might be time to come to terms with the fact I probably have major depressive disorder since now multiple medications I’m on are for that) and I was a bit wigged out bc it’s an atypical antipsychotic usually used for schizophrenia and bipolar and I don’t think I exhibit any mania or schizophrenic symptoms so why is this the first option to add? But it’s a sedative and helps me sleep which is a major thing that affects my mental health and usually one of the first things I try to work on when I notice I’m getting down. The med is also used for mdd, which my pristiq is apparently for too (side note: while you may not find it as magical as I did, the association of ADHD brains being low on norepinephrine and going on a norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor is something I can’t not associate).

Anyway, I started on Thursday, I have had two good days in a row, which is so cool, I made it to work on time (ie two minutes early) for the second time in months, and I felt good about it, which I haven’t felt in months. I slept over 12 hours on Friday to Saturday and was sleepy the whole day Friday, but like… it seems like this is working.

Not surprising I just need atypical meds but still

Hopefully this is a med I use for when I’m getting worse or in the winter and then I can be off it in the summer when I’m almost always better because taking it at least 12 hours after the pristiq is a pain and the sleeping is amazing even if I also take melatonin but it also severely minimizes my flexibility - staying up late to see friends or do the two row would be almost impossible with these, and if I don’t need that flexibility to get/be better (bc I’m not doing those things rn bc I’m not good) it’s great but it’s not necessarily a thing I want to do long term

But also the fact I’m thinking long term is a good sign and a sign to NOT GET OFF THE MEDICATION YET

[mermaidsirennikita]

What is the problem with a guaranteed happy ending? I can still enjoy the journey

And also, mentioning another example of some ypu mentioned, My Darling Duke also has a happy ending with challenges, they are happily married but also Alex's condition doesn't dissapear and there are thing that still can't do

That's another good example--and I actually think that a lack of appreciation for a journey and the challenges and growth that presents is really what a lot of my irritation with "vibes only" centers on.

(Stacy Reid actually does a lot of interesting things with endings, imo, and she doesn't get enough credit it for it. When she presents heroes and heroines with say, disabilities that I think past authors would have simply gone "boop, here's a fix" to, they stick. I often see MDD get criticized for "fixing" his ED, but the reality is that he never actually had a complete lack of function and the book makes that clear pretty early on. The man was DEPRESSED and had zero motivation and frankly a lot of shame around trying to accept his new life and the new ways in which he'd have to live. I also think of When the Earl Met His Match by Stacy Reid--I was cringing the entire time, expecting the hero to suddenly begin speaking at the end... and he didn't. And that was fine. The heroine had to do the work, which is something I also don't think we see enough of, frankly.

Lorraine Heath's Surrender to the Devil is another one where I think there's a choice to have Sterling simply come to... if not peace, reluctant acceptance of his impending blindness. And we know he never fixes it, and that's okay, and when we see him in later appearances beyond the epilogue, Lorraine is very clear that he is almost completely blind. To me, there's a real challenge to decades of societal norms suggesting that there is no HEA with disability, you will always be "missing" something, OR everything is hunky dory and there are no challenges and the person with the disability can't have negative feelings about it and be overall happy. Which is why I appreciate books like these which come to these types of points. In When the Duke Was Wicked, part of Grace's motivation in finding a husband is that she wants Sterling to be able to dance with her on her wedding day. That's hard! These things are difficult!

And of course, Grace too has a challenging arc we don't often see in any form of romance, let alone historicals--similar to Lockwood in The Duke Gets Even. She's had breast cancer. She's been through intensely traumatic treatment. She's had a partial mastectomy. She knows it may come back. Lovingdon cannot deal with this, and then he has to, and it does in fact come back according to the epilogue and she does have to have a total mastectomy. And who knows? It may come back again. In that era, it PROBABLY will. They have to accept this and live happily as long as they can--this is something the romance community struggles with a lot imo, the idea that things like illness can be compatible with an HEA. But if we don't come to terms with it, we're saying that people with long-term, chronic illnesses that may in fact be terminal one day can't have happy endings. And that's just not okay with me. Everyone dies. I mean, the majority of romances I definitely just pretend they don't lol, but Lorraine actually challenges us on this level in several books.)

There is a challenge and an art and a craft that comes with creating a good journey. No matter how your story ends, if the journey is nothing, the ending is meaningless.

[honeybeewhereartthee]

Welcome to the Estate! Where purple creatures lives.

"YURO YOU BASTARD HOW DARE YOU DESTROY NUI'S NEW BODY!?" a loud voice of a Child could be heard In the estate, almost all the present residents could hear the voice of CC

[ number #20 of the Purple creatures:(creation) Homunculus. ]

while he run; stamping like a child in the hallways and some items could be heard being thrown to the direction of the inkling Yuro [ number #19 of the purple creature; ( Creation) Inkling]

The inkling dodge the incoming objects as he turn into ink puddle and then disappear into one of the rooms that's locked from inside.

"YOU COWARD! COME OUT AND FACE ME!" Ignoring the fuming and angry CC who want to knock some sense to that annoying creature!

Yet there's no reply from the room or from yuro. The fellow is not going to respond to any of the complains. Nor does he care.

"JUST YOU WAIT! JUST YOU WAIT! ILL MAKE YOU PAY FOR REAL!" the child can only turn around and leave to fix his creation body, he walk pass the aquarium and felt gaze on him. He quickly runaway before the scary fish from the fishtank gets him and eat him.

"geez... Why is that fish so scary...." He mumble as he rub his two hands feeling it sweating from being gaze by that fish/siren

[ Xeuren: #22 (alter) abyss Mermaid/siren]

"ah why would little cc be so scared of a water creature. There's more dangerous creature than him after all..." CC jumps back and away from the sudden appearance of Phantom.

[ phantom: #2 (alter) The demon king ]

Who smile at him while he float in midair looking in wonder at little CC who narrowed his eyes at the new presence. He refuse to admit he was surprised and wanted to scream out just now cause it's embarrassing!

"huh?! Well... W-well it's none of your business!" he pouts not able to say anything to phantom since he can't do anything rude to this guy cause it's only going to reflect and get him back double the karma for even trying to harm his feelings.

"hmm... Is that so~ fufu... Then I most tell you, Kiseki would want to play with you when your free~" the demon king chuckle as he remembers why he wanted to talk to the homunculus. It's for his child.

"fine..." It's not like he have other playmate that will play with him those days...' CC thought as he watch phantom disappear with purple sparkles.

He look at the window and saw beautiful sky yet some of the purple creature in the estate all depress since the disappearance of that person.

Well...it's not his business! Time to fix nui!

Character profile #01 and #02

Purple Creature #20: Cherish Cutie "CC"

Third Creation of DR, based on the existing AU of MDD. his made to look like a cute harmless child who enjoy cute things and dolls. He acted like one too. ( Looks like his a 8-7 years old) 2.5 feet child

Powers: he can make living dolls

Creations:

- Nui

Purple creatures #08: Nui

A DD/ living doll creation of CC. He loves his creator and wish the best for him. He doesn't speak and just chat using emoji. Often gets his body destroyed cause of "accident ' of not being seen from how smoll he is.

Powers: change his body to a new one. "Nothing worth mentioning"

Note:

The number of the purple creature is connected to the HoneyTrap simulator.

[pixelchills]

If you feel like it, would you elaborate on Solar's relationship with other animutants? He seems a bit resentful of them for not viewing humans the way he does or tolerating the way they're treated, but also seems sympathetic towards Sun when he's informed that he was made with the intention of him being overly obedient. I took that as him realizing that it's not really in Sun's nature to advocate for himself the way he does, but I could have misinterpreted that.

I'm also curious about how he feels about lower level animutants because it'd be a bit strange if he resented the literal animals for their existence and cooperation but I could see him being displeased with how they're treated. He does seem at least sympathetic to Sun so I could see him at least pitying them. After all, it's not a dog's fault if it's mistreated but still follows orders-It's hard to bite the hand that feeds.

Well, how I've imagined Solar's view of the other Animutants, is that he understands how they work in a technical level? I think since he had kind of close relationship with Dr Weston, he learned a lot more about Animutant biology from pure curiousity in the labs.

That might have been the mistake Dr Weston made. Solar probably got upset after learning he is just as smart and capable as humans - even more - yet he was the one in collars and handcuffs and under the strict surveillance of the microchip.

I think originally Solar started more innocently trying to make a change. Almost pretend like he was a human so the people he worked with would see he wasn't just an animal. But as we know, his approaches backfired and he lost the innocence of hoping for that peace and equality with humans.

I think his bitterness towards the other Level 3 Animutants doesn't necessarily come from the fact they obey humans, but that they seem to realise it and just DO it voluntarily, instead of sharing Solar's views of the world where he wants them to be equal.

Bitterness gets added from the hierarchy in the Plex, where the main stars have a place to stand on a stage and talk and prove a lot more people what they're capable of, and how the humans seem to treat them with much more respect than they treat Solar.

Solar is jealous and bitter.

Eventually he doesn't want freedom to the others, since they clearly don't get it. They can stay in their miserable Animutant life working until they're "put down" or killed by other means.

After Lilian's death, Solar lost the hope, though. And then he met Sunrise, who was clearly put under his wing (in Solar's opinion) and Sun's presence has already started to make a difference in Solar.

Solar is obsessive. He has always had a certain type of obsessiveness in his nature; obsessive about equality; obsessive about his girlfriend...

In MDD his obsessiveness is to protect Sun, who was clearly made more submissive than necessary just to fix Solar's mistakes. I've already decided the reasoning why Dr Weston was the one to create Sun... It'll be explained when the location merge.

So, to answer your question, Solar originally wanted to fight for the others too, but gave up on it, and was then only fighting for himself. After Lily's death, he however, gave up. Lily was his only hope to be free, to be equal to a human.

I think he tends to just see the other Level 3 mutants as "lost case" and for Sunrise, he probably feels extreme pity, and blames himself for what Sun was made to be.

For MDD, Solar's character is most likely trying to just heal from the lost hope and grieve his love, and Sun is there to help with that by giving his life a slightly different purpose. In Solar's eyes, Sunrise's nature and struggles are /his/ fault, and because he already feels a connection to Sun (from the fact it was technically HIS/Lilian's money that was used to build Sunrise) he can't just ignore him.

For the lower level mutants though... I think Solar tends to just see them what they are; simple, too simple to think, too simple to save.

I dunno! I hope this helped to answer your question to some extend!

[yokelish]

So here's a fun story of mine.

I respect medical professionals. And by that, I mean good medical professionals.

About four years ago I started to seriously try to figure out why my headaches and migraines were getting progressively worse with age. And other symptoms started to appear too: nausea, sensitivity to light and sounds, loss of time and vision, absence of short-term memory, extreme exhaustion, and neck pain. So much pain. There were days when all I wanted to do was lay in bed and whine from pain.

So, I did what any rational adult would. And got a medical appointment. A physician looked at me, ordered a few blood tests, and asked about my family history, etc.

In the end, I was given a very mediocre medication the details of which don't matter. But I had to take it every day because it was preventative. And for a while, it seemed like it worked. But I had a bad reaction to the medication and it had to be removed. Once I was put off the medication, it all returned just as before. I remember telling my partner at the time without a hint of irony if I had a gun in this house, today would be my last day alive. That's how miserable I felt at that time.

So, I was directed to a neurologist. And I went. And he did what a neurologist does. Then I asked him if I should get an MRI, just to be sure, just so we know it's definitely not the brain. He said it wasn't needed.

He said it wasn't uncommon for women to have migraines. In fact, women are more likely to get them.

Yes, some of your other symptoms are a bit unusual but they are temporary.

He said I passed all the tests, and I was fine.

He said if I didn't have any recent head traumas, it was quite unnecessary.

It's a complex procedure (spoiler: it isn't), why would you want to be on a waitlist for months for nothing?

And so I didn't push him. I had to go through a drug trial to find what worked for my migraines now. I was tested for intracranial hypertension; they suggested lifestyle changes. Little adjustments to help out with the headaches and neck tension. And then slowly I grew complacent with it. Put the frog in boiling water and it will jump right out. But put in cold water and slowly heat it up, it won't be able to tell the difference. Life started to happen. I buried a friend. The pandemic. My MDD started to take priority over the headaches.

And then I almost went fully blind in one eye for 15 minutes. For no apparent reason.

What were you doing when it happened?

Uuugh, nothing. I was just reading in bed, laying funny. When I started losing vision in my left eye, I thought it was eye strain. But about two minutes later I realized it sure wasn't that. I immediately got up and went to my partner. When I explained what was happening to me and we got ready to go to the hospital, it started to come back. That's why I am here.

That didn't happen.

What?

And the neck pain was increasing. The intensity of the pain in my head kept increasing. The periods of those episodes continued to grow.

I have since moved. Got a new physician. And, I guess, I had a bad episode. There was a day I was in pain, I was miserable. I made an appointment ASAP. He is a great doctor. He is willing to put up with my demands for MDD medication, migraines. Even the smallest ear infections. There wasn't a time I came to him with a problem and he tried to rationalize it to me.

Ear infection?

Yes, you have it. It doesn't seem serious right now, so just over-the-counter medication will do. But if you don't feel any better, or even worse tomorrow, do let me know.

So, after that bad episode, I decided I can't be fucked anymore. Enough is enough. The pain was unbearable. I am a working, reasonably healthy adult, I can't be in this much pain without a cause. Unless they've checked for everything, EVERYTHING in the books and it came empty, only then would I accept that this pain was something I had to live with.

What I did was fucked up. Don't do that. But what I said to him, I meant with every cell of my being.

I want an MRI. And if it comes empty, order whatever test you can think of, no matter how invasive. Because this pain is getting worse, there are days when holding up my head is a conscious task. There are days when doing anything other than lying horizontally is a teeth-grinding endeavor. When I lower my chin, I can feel something along my spine, like a cord being pulled, not in a healthy muscle-stretching way, there is a tension that I don't think should be there.

And then he asked me how bad I would rate the pain on the worst day.

If this pain continues to increase at the rate it has been, I won't be alive by the time I am 31. I will take my own life.

And I was ordered an MRI. Not to say how ridiculously long I had to wait for an hour-long procedure where a big loud machine just scans your head.

And the doctor's office for the first time asks me to come in for the test results.

Your brain is healthy. But we found something in your neck.

And I felt giddy like a child who was promised candy. I wasn't insane. It wasn't "one of those things that women have to deal with". Fuck you, the professional who told me this. I sincerely hope you get sued. I'd sue you myself but I can't be fucked to be bothered with that right now.

My health care professional suspects syringomyelia. A fluid cyst in my spinal cord. I will have to go through more tests to see what it is for sure, what is the cause, and how bad it's gotten.

The point is

If one fucker decided to listen and not to rationalize a woman HER OWN Pain, if one fucker agreed to order a fairly simple medical test, perhaps this cyst probably could have been discovered THREE-MOTHERFUCKING-YEARS AGO.

[unwittinglythinking]

adhd & mdd

in 2018 my doctor diagnosed me for having minor depression. i took it lightly and i know i couldn’t sleep because i keep on seeing things in my nightmare. i took  sleeping tablets but did not take any ssri’s bc the doctor doesn’t allow me. only sleeping tablets so that i can sleep. i remember back in 2018 i took sleeping tablets almost everyday and yet i still was getting really bad sleeping quality. idk how to cure from that.

in 2019, it got worse. doctor diagnosed that i have mdd. jpa did not believe in me and keep questioning why would i be getting such mental health issue and that i should keep my heads up, read quran and go pray to God bc they said it helps. i’ve been seeking help and praying to god since day 1 my parents taught me to. i dont know, what went wrong. am i that bad, that jpa thought of me that way?

2020 2021 covid, it still the same mdd, not getting enough sleep everyday, trying to make myself happy but felt so empty. ppl questioning why am i not happy when they’re there by my side. i wish i have an answer for that, why am i not happy when everyone else is around? why am i feeling empty when i shouldn’t be feeling empty? why is my body and mind telling me to talk to my own inner mdd? i don’t know. what’s going on, i dont even know.

2022, warded over a month, diagnosed mdd + adhd, taking 15mg ssri’s (max amount of ssri a woman with my age are allowed to take). swallowed that big ass amount of escitalopram, going on therapy, consulting with the doctors and therapist, hoping that my life will be better. i remember asking my doctor,

“doctor, can i be free from mdd one day? can i cure from mdd, doctor?”

i still rmber vividly my doctor’s face changed and he said, “i hope one day it will go away. i believe that you can, but it definitely depends on the person. sometimes it takes 2-3  years, for some other it might take 10-15 years. some might take even more time.”

i remember, i cried. bc it felt like i had no hopes. 

and i just wanna run away from life, from the people that talk shit and abused me, from the people who didn’t give love and attention to me, i just wanna sit somewhere all alone in silent.

but now 2023, im feeling slowly healing. found my soulmate who is the most understanding of all. although sometimes im scared when he asks me “why are you feeling empty, do i not fill your void?”, im scared to answer that. i dont know babe, of course you do fill my void, but with my adhd and mdd right here, what made my void heart today is just bc i am still sick. your support, darling, has been carrying me around, happy and learn to willingly live longer because i just wanna be with you my whole life. you excites me, sweetheart. i love u so much. you ask me that only one time, and i remember whenever i told u im feeling empty, all u said now is “im here” and babe, that calms the shit out of me i love you so much for that.

for being my backbone, my biggest support and cheerleader, my husband you deserves only the best. for treating me like a human, like a woman i am. i love you and im so grateful for u. thank you. 

you are a medicine to me and you bring wellness to my life, sweetheart<3

[paperboy-pb]

One of the big themes I want to emphasize in PB is disability acceptance.

As "PAPERBOY" progresses, I'm gonna be showing off how much it hurts to live in a world without it-- having people not accept you solely because of conditions you can only help so much is horrible. And we all deserve to be accepted as we are by the people around us.

But at the same time, you shouldn't feel obligated to love every part of your disability either. Self-acceptance doesn't come naturally to everyone. And who knows, maybe your disability really does get in the way sometimes!

Amelia, Aza, Rudy, etc. don't really mind their situations. They're just used to it, and it barely bothers them, if at all. But maybe you're not like them!

Maybe you're like Wilbur & his Blindness, where your disability is taking away things you loved, leaving you to grieve.

Or maybe you're like Linus & his Epilepsy, where you've found a way to make life work for you but still think it's annoying sometimes.

Maybe you're like Karl & his Down Syndrome; it's not something that you can hide, but sometimes, you wish you could. It'd be nice to blend in with everyone else for a second, you know?

Or maybe you're like Matthew & his health conditions, and you've faced a lifetime of abuse for being born that way. And you're having a hard time accepting yourself as a result.

Or maybe you're like me & only recently got diagnosed with something. And you don't know how to handle it.

...

I got 4, if you're wondering. Autism. Asthma. MDD. But a while back, I found out that I've been suffering PTSD, too. And I didn't take it well. Honestly, I'm still not.

I don't know if it ever truly goes away, and I don't want to live with it. I'm not going anywhere, of course. But I've worked hard enough, man, give me a break! Am I supposed to just be okay knowing that I'm gonna keep having flashbacks & nightmares over stupid shit nobody understands? Having a TV in my head that constantly loops home videos I never wanted to see again?

It's not fair. I'm not even 20. I shouldn't have such dark, smudged skin under my eyes.

I revel in being autistic. I've made it work for me, and in my case, I find almost no downsides. And I don't really mind my Asthma anymore. I've had it pretty much my whole life now, & I'm kinda just used to it. Same thing with Depression, although I'm obviously not happy to have that one, either.

With PTSD though, it's newer. I've only had symptoms for a few years, and I've only known what was wrong for one. And I have to worry.

Is something gonna set it off? What do I do when it acts up? I'm interested in someone-- is my PTSD gonna be too much for them to handle? I feel weak, and if anything, I'm mad at me for getting traumatized in the first place!

I know I was a kid & that the trauma was genuinely bad, but... I'm a bit of a New York hard-ass. I'm supposed to be tougher than this, man! I was supposed to come out on top, brush it off & overcome it like I'm the shit.

A life with something as debilitating as PTSD is not what I had in mind. It's like... an injury, almost. You look at the damage and go, "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

And I know I have to learn to accept life with PTSD one day. Because if I don't accept myself, I'm gonna be fighting myself & making it worse as hell. But I don't like how it holds me back in life. Or the toll it's taken on my body. And y'know what, we disabled people can be mad about that shit!

Why shouldn't we?

...

We're allowed to be hurt over it. We're allowed to be angry, annoyed, displeased, or whatever else we feel about it.

Getting back to Paperboy, we already know that Matthew struggles with being a disabled kid because he's been brought up to believe that being so is synonymous with worthlessness & inferiority. Not only that, but it's been a lot of bad people's "excuse" for targeting him. So... he hates it.

And that's okay for now. It's his to think about. Not anybody else's.

But he's not going to stay there, either. Because if you wanna live your life to the fullest, you're gonna need to live *with* disability. Because it is a part of life. Like it or not. And one day, he'll find a way to live with that.

If you notice anybody struggling with internalized ableism, or disability grief, or even just frustration... help them, but don't push them into acceptance too hard, either. It's a process.

Trust the process.

[wildflowersnweed]

I know on the outside my bubbly personality is coming out, but on the inside it just feels like I’m a failure and I feel guilt, shame & embarrassment.

It’s a very awful feeling and I really don’t wish it on anyone…..

I’ve tried to accept that today is a new day, and tomorrow is as well, and that I have intake on Friday so I’m looking forward to something which in turn helps my MDD…

But at the same time, I’m extremely nervous because I had my first psychiatrist for 5 years & I finally got around to trusting him & then he left my mental health clinic.

Then I ended up with a really un-educated, forceful, & medically abusive and neglectful, Nurse Practitioner who “majored” (while in College years and years ago) in Psychiatry. But she is NOT a Psychiatrist by any means.

Honestly if I saw her again, before I fired her, I would tell her straight to her face that she is a Nurse Practitioner who needs to leave the Mental Health Profession COMPLETELY and just move to general medicine.

She doesn’t qualify to be in the Mental Health Services.

She denies you medication even if your body depends on it to be a functional member of society.

She is ALWAYS late, every single month for the past 3 years, on getting you your re-fills ON TIME!

She is 100% for Therapy being the ONLY treatment for any mental health condition.

She is against ANY AND ALL natural medications, herbs, or any natural therapies or treatments (such as an acupuncture and/or Chiropractic care) to treat any mental health issues.

She will also refuse to see you at your appointment if you are 5 or more minutes late.

She. Is. Fired.

I can’t believe I didn’t listen to my Therapist sooner!! She has been telling me since 2021 that “I can fire her”. Any time I brought up an issue with my Nurse Practitioner, my Therapist IMMEDIATELY went straight to me being able to fire her. I should have listened sooner. BUT, at least I listened eventually.

I hope that in time my brain can sort through all of the trauma, anger, sadness, regret, grief and pain because this $hit sucks. And clearly Klonopin is not the right drug for me, because I can take it as directed and prescribed, and it does NOTHING. I still have every symptom I had before I took it. It doesn’t work on my body. Hence, why I was previously prescribed 4mg daily, and she cut me down to only 1mg daily on the very first appointment. And it took me 3 years to realize that what she did was Medical Negligence because she was denying me of medication, that my body relied on, to be a functioning human in society. BUT NOOOOO obviously she didn’t want me to be a sane human being so she took that medication away almost completely. She did NOT wean me off of it either. So there ya go, medical abuse.

I have so many reasons to turn her a$$ in. I’m so pissed off that a mental health doctor gets away with basically killing people slowly. She has no intention on making anyone better. And the icing on the cake??? All of her patients are grouped together as one. She will say something to you and then say “But, all of my patients” or even “and all of my patients”. I am my own person thank you very much.

I honestly just hope that when I see my therapist again, I can tell her everything that I’ve been sending myself (via texts) so I can share what is on my mind and heart as it is there and I don’t have to try to think of something traumatic that recently happened…cuz everyone knows how forgetful I am.

I also have to get my butt to Spencer BEFORE Friday, so I can sign the legal documents to have my previous clinic send everything to my new clinic. And that’s just fantastic since my chauffeur (Hubz 😜) works everyday except Friday 🙄. Which means he has to take time out of his busy work day, just to drive me basically to sign $hit. Stupid… But I’m super thankful & proud that my courage came out in that moment to make that phone call. I’m glad I did. No more driving one hour just to get a freaking LATE re-fill on any of my medications. I just have to walk up the street 😂

Or be driven if it’s gross outside or if my chronic pain starts acting up.

I’m thankful for everyone who is being super validating right now. And for everyone who is being extra kind and gentle to me while I go through all of this.

It did lead to a complete mental breakdown, but thankfully a simple phone call to an emergency therapist, helped me get through it.

I’m thankful for everyone who is being super validating right now. And for everyone who is being extra kind and gentle to me while I go through all of this.

It did lead to a complete mental breakdown, but thankfully a simple phone call to an emergency therapist, helped me get through it.

Thank you for reading this, and know that if I sent it to you & opened up to you, that you are part of my inner circle, and you matter to me, and you are loved by me. You will always have a seat at my table.

Have a good day/night, wherever you are.

♥️&✌🏽

[punkeropercyjackson]

I want to know everything about Nia!

AND MONTHS LATER,YOU ARE FINALLY GETTING HIM!!!!

Nia The Dragon Nomad,born just Nia,just Nia and is 16 at the start of the series

His version of the franchise is called 'Avatar:The Airbender Legacies' and it's 4 books instead of 3 and the 4th one is 'Book 4:Air'

He's half Air Nomad,half Fire Nation but specifically the black etchnic subgroup in the comics you helped me discover which is what led to his creation!!As pointed out by jewish Atla fans,it would be more realistic for the AN to have a small surviving population that went into hiding after the Air Nomad Genocide and Nia's mom is a descendant of them!His parents names are Yung and Dahla and Nia's mixed heritage is symbolism for the coming era of peace

Nia was born in the Fire Nation as lower class,Dahla a homemaker and Yung a chef at the Fire Nation Palace.Dahla has Air Nomad features but never practiced her culture for safety so nobody could point it out without sounding like a maniac and Yung's job led to Nia meeting Zuko when they were 4 years old and becoming best friends and keeping it a secret since Zuko and Azula weren't allowed to befriend 'peasents'(hence why Ozai encouraged Azula to only interact with Mai and Ty Lee).Nia was unaware of not being fully FN but his dad was one of the first prisoner's of The Boiling Rock for a crime he didn't commit and this led to to his mom using Airbending publicly to try to stop him from being taken away so the next day,their house was burned down with her in it by Fire Nation supremacists and Nia being only 13 at the time had no choice but to run away and become a Nomad,leaving Zuko a tear stainned letter in pink ink explaining what happened and telling him how much he loved him as a person and for being his best friend(Nia wouldn't find out Dahla had been an Air Nomad for a long time,not being present when she bended and Zuko got a lot meaner after he left since he was his only real loved one due to Ursa's dissaperance and desperately looked for clues on him,seeing him everywhere even though he was gone)

Nia learned firebending on his own and made a name for himself on his travels by helping people with kindness and resources and fighting for them,committing various anti-imperialist crimes.During this time,he realized he's trans and is a woman and a man at the same time and his gender presentation is very feminine but he uses only masculine ponouns!!He's also autistic,adhd,mdd and anxious and his hair is 4b textured

Personality wise,Nia is very much an Air Nomad-He's super bubbly,openly kind and gentle,silly,optimistic,unrestrained and open-minded.He follows the no kill rule as a buddhist but also believes in severe brutality and has anger issues,low self-eestem and a snarky sense of humor,is very older sisterly/pseudo-momish as a coping mechanism from having almost no positive adult figures as a kid and being picked on by other kids and even adults all the time and his interests are pink/pastel things,suncakes,art,games,animal life and dancing!!!

He's introduced in 'The Warriors of Kyoshi' as he was on Kyoshi Island due to his travels and joins the Gaang because of his instant platonic connection with Aang.Aang says there's something familiar about Nia he can't quite place and he takes on the mom friend title instead of Katara since he's the eldest now and actually did it to himself instead of parentification like her.The two girls bond over being feminine and him and Sokka bicker all the time due to opposite personalities but they really are friends and Kataang is still a thing here so Nia wingmans them

It takes a hot minute for Zunia to reunite(as in several episodes)but Zuko gets hints to it through reports from his crew and is in denial of it at first only because he dosen't want his hopes to be crushed.We get flashbacks to their childhood days,including Zuko drawing both of them as dragons and Nia making strawberry suncakes for the first time for them to share as foreshadowing and this makes their reunion all the more upsetting because they don't even recognize eachother at first due to Nia's complete style change and Zuko's scar,plus the puberty,on top of his old best friend hunting down his new best friend at the order of his dad who he always made him feel safe from.There's a lot of tears and yelling and Nia has to be comforted by his honorary younger siblings afterwards and Zuko has to pretend nothing happened for the sake of not putting him in danger

Nia's very strong and smart so he's a pretty useful addition to The Gaang and provides comedy/jokes too and Aang tells him about The Air Nomads for funsies which leads to

The 'Dahla was actually an Air Nomad' drops happens in 'The Avatar State' when Aang and Nia are trying to figure out Avatar stuff together and it leds to spiritual magic jizz revealing it through Nia's soul.They're heavily shocked but Aang bursts into happy tears and tackle hugs Nia,rambling about how happy he is that he's not actually The Last Airbender and Nia smiles and agrees,telling him he already thinks of him as his little brother and Aang views him as his older sister so they officially dub eachother 'The Flight Siblings',Sokka telling them it's a stupid name and Katara drops water him for it.In 'The Blue Spirit',Nia had romantic moments with Zuko in his Blue Spirit suit so he gains a dreamy crush on him that's played for irony and second-hand embarrasment humor.Aang becomes Nia's Airbender Master starting in 'Nomads,Leafs and Forevers' and this strengthens their bond big time

Nia rejected Jet's attempted flirtatiouns on first meeting by saying 'I came here to make friends-Only friends so instead of trying something,try covering my back' and they got along well from then on even post 'betrayal',Toph dissed him at first because of how girly Nia but after they actually talked they clicked perfectly,'The Tale of Nia' replaces Iroh's section and it's about him saving a group of kids from Earth Kingdom propaganda by impressing them and being sweet to them and it's implied they grew up to be freedom fighters and 'The Tale of Zuko' is a gag bit where girls keep trying to hit on him but he keeps comparing them to Nia subcounciously so none of them stick,Ty Lee let's out a loud squee when she meets Nia again face to face and squishes him up in a hug as she says she's missed seeing his pretty pink face(platonically)and Mai drawls that he's gotten even weirder and Azula adresses him as 'Nini' when she was younger but also 'The Avatar's babysitter' now and they don't know eachother at all well since Ozai didn't even know about Nia being best friends with his son

Jet survives his attempted assisination by the Dai Li and joins the Gaang as it's 'token bad' teammate(not really,he's just genuinely radical).The shippy undertones between him and Katara are gone as they turn into platonic close friends and he acts as the cool bitchy but reliable older brother.Hama is also never villanized but potrayed as a tragic figure and a badass who gets reperations from the Fire Nation and basically adopts the Gaang as her grandkids,Katara still being scared of Bloodbending and choosing not to kill Yon Rha so Hama does the job for her since Kya was her childhood friend's daughter and she's built for killing fascists already,not being only 14.Yung and Dahla are given big significance on Nia's story as his parents and how they influenced him as a person like Zuko and their own life experiences did and 'The Dragon Nomad' is a title given to him pre-series because of being a traveling firebender but also has a double meaning that wasn't even intentional in-universe and there's quips about it as a running gag

Nia's none too eager to return to The Fire Nation but powers through and teaches his teammates how to blend in and takes them to a clothing store he used to go to as a kid and they have a positive talk with the owner not recognizing them until they all leave and as they exited,they make a comical expression and whisper 'I always knew that kid wasn't dead!I don't think that little airhead can even die!'.As they settle in,Nia can't help but go visit where his old home used to be to see nobody had even bothered picking things up or replacing it with a new building and it makes them tear up and he brakes down on his knees,screaming about how much he hates fire as he breathes pink flames from his mouth and dosen't even notice.He stays that way for a solid onscreen 30 seconds and is found by Zuko who frantically picks him up and hides him in an ally with him before soldiers can find him.He dosen't get to comfort him for long as Nia fully registers the situation and shoots up,curtly saying with a glare 'Thanks for the shoulder to cry on,Zuko'.Hope you're enjoying your new life perfect life without me' and runs off back to the Gaang's temporary residence and Zuko dosen't even bother getting up,struggling to find the words until Nia's too far to hear him,yelling out 'BUT IT'S NOT MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU!YOU'RE THE CLOSEST THING I'VE EVER HAD TO PERFECT!'

Nia infilters the Royal Fire Academy For Girls and disrupts everything as he encourages the other female students to fight for their rights and proves to them the anti-Air Nomad things they were taught are lies and burned the academy down using his pink fire and his new friends help out with their own firebending.He cracks a couple eggs on the way too and 'The Beach' confirms Mai as a comphet lesbian,Tyzula as a mutually canon ship even if they don't get together and Nia is on Zuko's mind a lot and the fun summer-y setting he's in dosen't help.Nia's swimsuit is a pastel pink two piece and he has a crown of matching hisbiscus him and Aang made for eachother

Zuko and Nia finally make up in 'The Western Air Temple' as Zuko's decided to give up evil by becoming Aang's Firebending Master.Katara immediately rejects him as per canon,Aang welcomes him with open arms as always and Nia dosen't really know what to do with him.Zuko does his best to reassure him he's truly changed for the better in both words and actions and tries to recreate what they were like as kids until Nia puts his foot down and tells him 'We're not the same as we used to be........And i'm okay with that.I love the Zuko here like i did the old one' and Zuko's entire face goes beet red and Aang connects the dots and grins cheekily as he had a feeling they were a thing from the start.They act as the Team Mom and Team Dad of The Gaang or 'The Dragon Parents/Dadko and Momia' and Katara makes a snide comment on how she'd be expected to be with Zuko over Nia by the public

'The Boiling Rock' has Nia,Zuko and Sokka rescuing Yung and Hakoda and a conversation between Nia and Azula as they fight that's basically just Nia going 'You're not a perfect sexy calculated villaness,you're 14 with an abusive fascist dad and you deserve a therapist and some goddamn friends and fruit pies so you can calm down' and Azula responding 'FUCK YOU MEAN???NUH UH!!!!' and Yung and Nia have a heartwarming reunion and he eventually legally adopts Aang,Jet and Toph since they don't have living/good parents like the Water Tribe Siblings do.Nia's Ember Island Player counterpart is played by a nonblack actor who jokes about having no gender and reminders everyone he's still half Fire Nation not JUST Air Nomad because they're 'both equally important' and Nia'd never cringed harder in his life.Kataang went a bit differently since Aang asked Nia for romance advice since him and Zuko were unspokenly unofficially together so their only season 3 kiss is the finale one and the remaining run time is used on developing the other characters,including The Air Nomads in flashbacks.Nia is given a half dragon soul as a blessing by Avatar Wan to help Aang and it dosen't actually take much adjusment for him to get used to it

Mai and Ty Lee came to Nia on the Day Of Sozin's Comet to help him takedown Fire Nation Soldiers and the three girls fought viciously and had banter and peer support.They're nicknamed 'The Riot Gyals' and Ty Lee still joins the Kyoshi Warriors while Mai takes up a blacksmithing mentorship and Nia grows up to found his own children's education and protection system called 'Nia's Kidbender Program' that was built up by him with big help from Zuko but first,we get to Book 4 aka Book Air,which is something of a playable epilogue in cartoon episodes form of that makes sense and an improved version of the comics where we see The Gaang's lives and their world post-Ozai.This includes Kataang's dating dynamic,finding Ursa again,how they further helped the world with even more activism and direct action,Toph realizing she's a transmasc girl instead of just a tomboy,Nia being the Aang to Azula's Zuko by befriending her and thus her gaining character development that leads to a redemption arc and finally dating Ty Lee and last but not least,Zunia getting together

Like Kataang,it happens in the last episode of the season and the ultimate series finale but in the opening so it's almost entierly about Aang and how far he's come and Zuko and Nia being boygirlfriend and girlboyfriend it's titled 'Air,Fire,Dragon,Love' with the last word being about Zunia,The Flight Siblings and The Peace Brothers since their love for eachother is equally strong and important cosmically.The previous episode was a cliffhanger of Zuko asking Aang for help since he knows Nia as well as he does and them doing a grand romantic display with pink,dragon and summer themes that looked ridicioulous and Nia is pleasently stunned speechless and they think he hated it until he bursts outlaughing and drags Zuko off to start their date as he yells over his shoulder to Aang that he loves him and is proud of him and then calls Zuko 'such an old lord' for the cheesy display and he sputters back that he was trying to treat him like the future Fire Lady.It's Nia's turn to blush,entire face glowing like a pink version of The Avatar State and it's Zuko's rare turn to be the cocky one but as always it dosen't last for him

Their date consists of doing both romantic Fire Nation traditions and romantic Air Nomad traditions,including Zuko gifting Nia Air Nomad earrings he made with Aang's guidance.There's zero restrainment in their pda except not kissing until they get back to the Fire Palace and lean in for their first kiss at the same time which turns into several more chaste kisses and we get a final narration that's done by the entire Gaang in bits,flashing forward to their older years and we see Aang and Katara's wedding amongst many other things and this includes Zuko and Nia having a daughter named Zara

And 'The Airbender Legacies' refers to Aang and Nia for obvious reasons but also Aang choosing to keep their culture alive by not killing Ozai and Zara herself as the first Air Nomad born in a long ass time who'd live without persecution

@nogender-onlystars @moonage-gaydream @refrigeratedboombursts @cam24fan @biandbored @sarasanddollar @insomniac-jay @floof-ghostie @9ragonmew @mayameanderings @fandomunsexyman

[alillilium]

So I watch My Dear Donovan...

So I watched My Dear Donovan, it's my first Thai Drama... I sense a pattern within myself... Which is my first K-drama became a fave, my first C-drama became a fave and now the same happens with my first Thai-drama (not sure if it's called that).

A bit of a disclaimer, I will be HIGHLY critical of it, while I enjoyed every moment of it, so much that it took my 3rd spot, on my Top 5 dramas of all time, I can see many issues in it's script, protrayal of sensitive issues and maybe pacing of the story.

First for the Negatives cause I want to end in a good note but even the negatives have good points in them:

1st Pacing: The way it starts is amazing it has a good momentum with just a bit of an hicups, but has it moes forward it starts to become all over the place.... One moment everything goes well you reach the first comercial break and then everything goes to shit... and I felt lost a few times, this ties in with the second point.

2nd Script: Why do we need to have women fight for a man in 2022? I'm asking because we have 3 main females (Pam the leading lady of MDD, Jessica the "scorned" ex and Dararai the antagonist of this all), and all of them at some point fight each other verbally or physically, And the lengths that both Jessica and Dararai go to keep Donovan tied to them boggles me to no end. And please stop making people cheat (depending on each person's defenition of cheating) like Donovan did in my opinion when backed into a corner.

3rd Sensitive Issues: The way Donovan's SA and drugging are sort of treated differently when compared to is sister's SA. His crime being kinda brushed off after the press conference (will not lie, he filled that suit very well and I like me some bordeaux), yes I know he did not commit murder but still aggravated assault and the way everyone believed the articles that Dararai leaked.

4th It is too short: And by saying this, I think the Drama would have benefited to at least be either 18 or 20 episodes so that the last 4 episodes wouldn't feel like a mess, I liked that Pam grew into herself but it came to late, almost at the end, I wanted her to struggle with her demure and people pleasing identity, I also wanted Donovan to come to terms about not being a model anymore and what did he do during 10 months. The Mom and the grandfather becane okay to quiclky... etc.

Now for the Positives... Everything else... Joking:

1st Styling: While I am tormented over the fact that almost all my aunts are either kindergarten or primary school teachers, and Pam is one, I will say that I love the styling - and after watching the atrocity that is the Chinese Meteor Garden this is Chef's Kiss - I love Pam's shirts and long skirts, the cute shoes, the glasses ( I want the 3 pairs she uses), the Hair ( if I wasn't thinkng about dyeing my hair with 2 colors, I would dye it that shade of brown) and the fact that it's wavy and slightly curly at some points, I love it. Donovan my man you can make sweatpants work - from me that is a compliment - he looks amazing in everything... even when he is supposed to look dishevel as f*ck... and when he uses glasses it's a shot to my heart, like I mentioned before the bordeaux suit fit him so well. I'm going to mention the fact that Jessica and Dararai also have an amazing style, Dararai makes sense cause we need to have an antagonist that dresses well... and Jessica how dare she dress badly when she is a model. The styling in the show is top notch overall, not may hiccups.

2nd Chemistry: Namtan and Luke, have the best chemistry I have seen in a while, they look, act and embody the characters... They look real... so much that I ship the actors in real life... they look so good together. I wanted the kisses to be more real but minor nitpick on my part... I wanted them to have more spice together cause the way they acted they could lit a forest on fire.

3rd Cinematography: Everything is well shot, the fight scenes it feels that you are watching a western action movie, the ambience looks good and the editing is on point.

4th Soundtrack: The main theme sung by Luke is funny you just hear the most hilarious part before and after the comercial breaks and it gets stuck on your head like crazy, Namtan has a sweet voice, there are musics in the soundtrack that I recognize but it fullfills a purpose and fits. Overall the soundtrack is solid.

While not perfect, it stuck with me and I believe what makes this show great are the actors, specially Namtan and Luke.

I will end my review here, if someone wants to add something, please do. Everyone has their own opinion this is just my own and I also wanna hear yours.

See ya! (I will comeback to include pictures... it's just already 4 am)

P.S. I will also make a review for Meteor Garden.

[iamyouknow-yours]

Long (5000 words) rant incoming about the government™, getting a disability grant in my country (South Africa) and what that's like and also how a specific man fucked up my life next year.

I live in South Africa, government office for grants is called SASSA, I have POTS, IBS, chronic nausea and use a mobility scooter.

So okay the process of getting a grant is basically:

1. Fill in some forms

2. Book a "medical assessment" (in quotes bc they do not medically assess you, they just look at your forms) at a government clinic (this will only be available on very specific dates because they are always quite full).

3. Go to the clinic and wait in a very long queue.

4. Finally see the doctor and they look at your forms, fills in their own form and tell you to go to the SASSA office (whichever one the website tells you is the closest to where you live) on a date.

5. You go, with more forms and documents and then you wait in an even longer queue and then they ask you a bunch of questions and will consider giving you money.

Re step 4, last year the doctor was not a doctor and was a 70+ year old very retired man who only came out of retirement because the doctor straight up stopped showing up. And he could only apply for a temporary grant for me (for 12 months) because I didn't have enough proof I was disabled (letters from enough doctors, which by the way the website does not tell you you need).

This year we (me and my best friend playing the role of carer/boyfriend) arrived at 8:30am. The clinic opens at 7. Mr Doctor Man was not there yet.

Lady in the queue next to us was talking to her friend (an employee of some kind) and he was like oh I'm so sorry so your prayers have been answered and the doctor is here but unfortunately it is the white doctor. And she groans.

So it was about 9:40 at this point and the man was over 2 hours, almost 3 hours late. He then worked until about 10:40 and then proceeded to go on break until about 11:30!!!!!! The man arrived over 2 hours late, worked for maybe an hour before going on break for 50 freaking minutes!

And this is apparently normal behaviour for him (thus the groaning from the lady in the queue with us).

Anyway so we finally get to see him and he has not heard of POTS (in advance I have prepared letters from every single doctor except my gastroenterologist bc long story, I have got proof on proof on proof).

Bestie explains what POTS is (in science terms, he knows science and medical things) and that it is not going to be cured unless a miracle happens.

The man looks at one (1) of my letters and writes on the form that I have "postural hypotension" (close and technically true but I am still side eyeing him), MDD (major depressive disorder [which like I do but it wasn't written down anywhere and it's not disabling for me anymore so he just sussed that out and decided to write it down I suppose?]), and IBS.

He gives me a day to go to SASSA, a Monday.

So I go with my mother on a Monday. We wait in the queue for about half an hour before someone tells us that Mondays are for pensions, Tuesdays are for disability.

Then my mom gets sick so we can't go for ages.

So finally I ask Bestie to go with me and we go. We wait for ages. A very chatty man tells me about our lord and saviour jesus christ when I just wanted to read my book.

We get to see the lady. She tells me that I can't apply until my previous grant runs out. I have to go at least a month without my grant. Not like I, y'know, need it or anything??

She also tells me that not only does she want the 3 months bank statements that I have printed out but also they require every single deposit to be stated in affidavits with the reason for why it's in my account.

The total humiliation you have to go through to get disability is insane. Why do I have to declare when my friend sends me R39 for his third of the Dropout subscription we share?! It's like $1 or $2 I'm not googling the current conversion rate.

So I go home, go through my bank statements and write down each deposit. I get my mother and 2/3 of my best friends to go to the police station with me and we go get affidavits for every single transaction into my account. I do my own affidavit for all the transactions from people who I cannot wrangle to go to the police station with me.

Then today Bestie and I go to SASSA. Wait in a long queue, finalllllyyyy see the lady (different one this time). They did have a snazzy ticket system this time so once we were in the building it didn't take too long and I use a wheelchair so I skipped a lot of the queue because I couldn't get onto the pavement where the queue outside started (got there at about 8, got home at about 10, so not too too bad although someone's car alarm kept going off at one point which was terrible).

I've almost definitely got the grant (will get it either next month or the month after, ahhhhhh) but turns out the stupid SASSA doctor only put me down for 12 months instead of a permanent grant.

Violent but not graphic interlude about the things I want to do to him in the next paragraph, will resume story afterwards:

I want to beat him with a stick and run him over with my 6km/h wheelchair and set him and his house on fire and also he should pay me R10 000 in cash and also he should stand in the queue for me next year and do all the bureaucracy. And also he should just do his fucking job correctly for fucks sake!!!!!!!

I'll have to go back next year to reapply again and it takes so much energy and I just want him to do his job properly.

I'm so upset. I can't even quantify how mad I am.

It will also potentially fuck with the government university bursary I am planning to get for when I go to uni next year. And will definitely add additional layers of bureaucracy to my life. And also bc of the fact that they will have to reassess my financials again, it adds at least 3 months of having to be super aware of my transactions and careful

And also maybe the bursary money will be too much and my grant will be reduced (that is an anxiety not something I know for sure).

So yeah I hate that man. And also idk hope you learned something? I hope your country's process isn't as dehumanising but I doubt it.

Also my tummy hurts since last night so it was sore the whole time today during the experience and basically: