#it's all these little things that objects need to survive that one either doesnt care about or dismisses as silly

[evilherehotel]

now you see them, now you don't

one, being a number, is used to shapeshifting because that's how numbers are! they change and shift aalll the time and she's also used to being 2d because every algebralien can be tied back to the little symbols we see on the page. they're built for it

objects? not so much. and it's a lot less pleasant for basketball to suddenly have her entire body and perception of reality warped after losing an entire dimension

[valcalico]

Athena and Ares

(Just my thoughts on them and their relationship)

I have a lot of feelings about these two. They have a very complex dynamic, where they don’t really like each other, but they can’t work without each other either.

Athena provides rationality to the cruelty of war. She is the strategy and logic behind it. The objective. One might say she represents the generals, and the politicians and the main heroes. Basically the big players.

And Ares? He’s the opposite. He represents the emotion associated with war. He is the bloodlust and the desperate fight. Where the battle is thickest, where there is no room for thought, and when its pure survival instinct that drives you, that’s Ares. He represents the worst parts: the blood and the violence and the cruelty. He is accompanied by fear and terror (Phobos and Deimos). One might say he is the god of soldiers.

So they need each other. If they actually worked together, they’d be one of the dangerous forces ever, even in god circles. But they don’t. Not only because of how differently they view the world, but also because of deeper nuances in their relationship.

Athena is beloved. She is Zeus’ favourite child and his right hand goddess. The people love her. She is the patron of one of the most powerful, influential cities, Athens. She is highly respected everywhere else too. A protector of heroes and a friend to humanity.

Ares, on the other hand, is disliked by many. Zeus says he is “the most hateful of all gods” and says he would have thrown him into Tartarus if he wasn’t his and Hera’s son. (Its in the Iliad) (This part always makes me sad poor ares) He is highly respected in Thrace and Sparta. But Athens dislikes him and worships him out of necessity only.

Even in modern times, Athena is considered a feminist icon and badass lady, while Ares is labelled a brute.

Most people know this. So why did I just type out all that? Cause context is important when delving into the myths.

So first of all, let’s debunk that last point I made. In the ancient myths (and I’ll try not to include romans esp. Ovid), it didn’t work that way at all. Of course it’s important to keep in mind that ancient Greece was very misogynistic. But still, Athena was not feminist at all. Her being a “masculine” woman (mostly) was what made her so acceptable to Athens and she was regularly used to shut down other women. Also:

(The actual translation of this scene was circulated a while back. So you’re probably familiar with this. Also I’m not saying this to offend any worshippers of Athena or anyone who admires her. There are a lot of bad things in greek mythology and Athena’s internal and external misogyny is probably the least of my concerns. Plus if the greek gods did exist, i believe they change with the society, so they will no longer be Like That in the present day.)

Ares, on the other hand, was incredibly feminist, especially for that time. He surrounded himself with women he loved and respected. (Aphrodite, Eris, Enyo, etc). His lovers were often famously women who challenged the status quo (Otrera, Cyrene). He was regularly show to be a good father to all his daughters, immortal and mortal. (Harmonia, Hippolyta, Penthesilia, Alkippe). Also:

If that isn’t the coolest thing EVER-

Anyway, I won’t delve deep into that (well, any more than I’ve already rambled about it).

Now that we have gotten that out of the way, we can get to the hypotheticals.

I headcanon that despite ALL the evidence to the contrary, they maybe don’t despise each other completely. I see them having more of a love-hate relationship.

The thing is, gods are very contrary creatures. Zeus and Hera’s fights shake the world one moment, and in the next, they are as loving as any. Apollo is smiling and singing in one moment and skinning a satyr alive in the next. This complexity should be given this relationship too.

Like I said above, they need each other. Both general and soldier are equally important in war. And I don’t think you can completely truly need someone and hate their existence at the same time. (There are exceptions)

This scene in the Iliad really got me thinking:

If you take the scene at face value, this is probably not something to think too much about. Its Athena going to Ares, insulting him a bit, and taking him away from the war.

But its more than that. First off, Athena goes upto Ares and can calmly convince him to listen to her. Second, look how she frames the question. She says “shall we” which i think is pretty important. Athena doesn’t need to worry about Zeus’ anger or his rules, as she shows later on in the Iliad, and before, during the Rebellion. Both Athena and Ares knows this well. So why does she also need to withdraw? She can make the point without adding herself to the equation. She can also fairly easily run him off the battlefield like she does later. But she doesn’t. And there isnt any hostility from Ares.

Instead, they go together, away from the battlefield and...sit down near a river bank? Basically relax as much as they can? That doesn’t sound like a hateful relationship.

There is also the fact that Ares was going to join sides with the greeks (aka on Athena and Hera’s side) until Aphrodite convinced him to join her instead.

Its clear from this that Ares doesn’t really have much of a stake in this fight. He doesn’t care much about the greater objectives of the war. The only thing that can convince him to take a side is the people one the sides. He fights for the people he cares about, not for any greater good. He easily changes his loyalty because of his love for Aphrodite. He frequently gets into fights to save his children. He goes against Diomedes partly because of how he wounded Aphrodite. All of this means that he cares for Athena too. (And for Hera ofc). Maybe he doesn’t care for her as much as he cares for Aphrodite, but its not really fair to expect him to.

I like to think they genuinely do care for each other a great deal, they just kinda suck at showing it. Maybe that changes as time passes. I can see Athena being quietly protective of Ares (maybe she makes up an excuse to send him away during the Rebellion because she knows he will be in danger otherwise). I definitely think she felt a little guilt (guilt, not regret) at stabbing Ares, seeing as it wasn’t really fair. Ares didn’t know she was there.

I also think that Ares, who spends a lot of time with awesome women and is very fierce in standing up for them if the need arises, will be the one who calls her out a lot of the time on her misogyny or hypocrisy. Athena also has a habit of suppressing any “vulnerable” emotion. She likes to keep all her guilt, sadness, fear, hurt, and regret all locked up tight. I feel like Ares is one of the few people she lets a few of those emotions out around, even if she still tries not to. And in the lighter moments, in private, maybe they joke around a bit and laugh, too.

Okay, now for the heavier bit. While i do think they care for each other, there is also a lot of resentment there. A lot of it, unfortunately, comes from how they are treated by their peers and elders. They like different people, they are liked by different people and they are liked to different degrees. Let’s talk about 3 of the main players.

1) Zeus. Does this surprise you?

I do think Zeus loves all his kids. He doesn’t like some of them, but he does love all of them. And he isn’t as bad of a father as everyone thinks. People have discussed that better so I’ll not rant about it here.

All that aside, he definitely has favourites. Athena is his favourite child (Apollo, I think, being his second). And this favouritism is SUPER OBVIOUS. Its like none of the rules apply to Athena, which is weird considering Zeus isn’t forgiving of those who defy his authority (did someone say Prometheus?)

Ares, on the other hand, is on the other side of the spectrum. The one Zeus dislikes the most.

We can see how this affects them in several instances. The most notable is probably in the Iliad, after Athena deceitfully stabs Ares and forces him to flee to Olympus, injured.

Ares calls Zeus out on his favouritism. He says that gods weren’t allowed to fight each other and if it were anyone else, they would have been punished. He says Zeus always does this, always lets Athena get away with everything, and that he needs to start getting his daughter under control.

Zeus doesnt like this too much and basically tells Ares to stop whining and that he isn’t much better when it comes to destruction. He says Ares is the most hateful of all gods and loves bloodshed. He says he would have gotten rid of him if he weren’t his son, but seeing as he was, Zeus cannot bear to see Ares in pain. He then gets Ares healed.

I can definitely see how this kind of blatant favouritism from someone who should be better to Ares would affect him. Ares is the firstborn son of Zeus and Hera. He should be getting a lot of respect, as per ancient standards but instead, he is overtaken by his virgin half sister from Zeus’ previous marriage, and many bastard half siblings.

Athena being able to break rules left and right, and Ares having to be nervous about even toeing the line will cause distance between them.

This in addition to his position as a god of civil order is a reason that i think he wouldn’t want to break any rule until he deems it absolutely necessary, like if someone he cared about were in danger.

I can totally see a situation where both of them try to help a hero but Zeus orders them not to. Athena then wants to break the rules, but Ares is very hesitant about doing so. Athena convinces him, either by taunting or by calmly urging him, to go along with it. They get caught but only Ares gets punished. Ares can then truly show Athena the difference between her and everyone else.

Remember when i headcanoned earlier that Athena sends Ares away during the Rebellion? That ties into this. She knows that if they get caught, ares could get into trouble whether or not he did anything. I expect Ares will be furious about it when he returns and finds out what happened though, thinking it was just to get him out of the way, until its revealed why she did it. Then he’ll probably be super awkward.

2) Poseidon

The equal and opposite force to Zeus.

Well, maybe not equal, but quite close.

Lets start with the canon. Poseidon HATES Athena, despises her completely, and he frequently clashes with her father too. They worked together one (1) time and as a result, Athena wasnt punished while Poseidon was enslaved for years. Then there is the fight for Athens, the whole epic of the Odyssey, and so on.

Meanwhile he and Ares are actually shown to be close. Other than the Halirhothius incident, they are pretty chill. Poseidon is the one who vouched for him after the Net Thing With Hephaestus. Poseidon is also pretty cool with Aphrodite and they work together occasionally.

I think Poseidon thinks of Athena as this bratty kid of his brother, who is constantly working against him. You know that one annoying cousin you have who you try to avoid during family reunions because you KNOW you will clash? This is that, but a thousand times worse.

Meanwhile Poseidon really cares for Ares, and Ares takes fatherly affection from anywhere he can get it. Poseidon maintains a good relationship with both Aphrodite and Ares. He is closer with Aphrodite and doesnt love Ares quite as much as Zeus loves Athena, but he still cares a lot.

3) Aphrodite

It is no secret that Athena hates Aphrodite. Even when Athena warns Diomedes not to harm any god, she says Aphrodite is the exception. Athena, along with many of the other Olympians, see her as nothing but a silly, flighty, hysterical goddess.

On the other hand, Aphrodite and Ares are known for their intense love for each other, from even before her arranged marriage. They have a lot of kids together, and are shown to be close with all of them. They each have like one story of jealousy/one story where they are at odds with each other, which is pretty good for such a high-profile couple (Aphrodite curses Eos and Ares kills Adonis). They are there for each other, like in the trojan war, when Aphrodite was wounded and Ares gave her his chariot to go back to Olympus. He also changed sides very soon, just because Aphrodite asked. Athena complains about this too.

I think I wouldn’t be far off in saying that Athena is definitely resentful of how close they are, and how much sway Aphrodite has over her brother.

While Athena definitely doesn’t see eye to eye with Ares, and disagrees with his domain, she still sees him as a War God. One of her kind. And she just doesn’t see how a War God can go for someone like Aphrodite. Basically, she doesn’t think Aphrodite is, for lack of a better term, good enough for Ares, seeing as she is a Love Goddess.

Ares, on the other hand, does not want to hear anything like this. He is fiercely defensive of Aphrodite. He defends her warlike aspect (Aphrodite Areia), while everyone else tells her that she has no place in the battlefield. He sees Aphrodite as more than what people have labelled her to be. Which is why I believe (other than Eos and Adonis), they have one of the healthiest open relationships in greek mythology.

This can definitely cause animosity between Athena and Ares, because of Athena’s scorn and Ares’ temper. It can also increase the conflict between Athena and Aphrodite.

Maybe as time goes on, Athena can start seeing Aphrodite as having more depth. I certainly hope so. While they wouldn’t be best friends, I don’t see why they can’t learn to get along. This could also strengthen Athena and Ares’ bond. As long as people don’t insult her or lay their claim on her domain of Love and Beauty, Aphrodite is often very supportive. I truly think Aphrodite can help Athena overcome her misogyny, with Ares.

In conclusion, Athena and Ares have a very complex relationship. They do not simply hate each other, and neither do they have the most loving relationship. But they do care for each other. But strain can often be put on their relationship from their relationship to other people as well. Hopefully as time passes, they can overcome that, and have a healthier relationship, instead of sharing a good moment and then proceeding to fight each other for the next 500 years.

[ao3gingerswag]

Sammy has experience stealing things. He knows Dean will only take his help when he’s desperate, but he’s used to sneaking and stealing things for Dean. When he was little, he saw Dean being hurt for coming home without enough coin, so he tried stealing coin from John to give to Dean while Dean was wandering outside trying to make money. He was caught and Dean came home to Sam hurt badly and Sam was so little that he caved and told Dean all that had happened. Dean held him and cried and cried and made Sam promise not to do it again and Sam did promise, but the temptation is always there.

When market day comes, Sam is given a penny and has a great time buying a fun treat and doesn’t even think until they’re headed home that he could have held on to the penny for Dean to get out of punishment later. He could have saved Dean from a future beating without even stealing. He feels so selfish and short sighted. Now that the thought is in his mind, it feels like any day now Cas will tell Dean to go make money and Dean won’t make enough. So Sam decides to steal a few coins from Cas, slipping them into his pocket after a customer pays for food and finding a good place to hide it. It’s not much, but it gives him a feeling of a little safety until he can trust Cas.

-Ace

omggggg ;~; yes yes baby ;~; he wants to help dean!!! oh no the idea of him trying to steal money for dean to give to john is </3 ! and dean would be fucking hysterical if he came back to find sam hurt because he’d been trying to help dean. maybe sam does Get It that he cant steal from john bc if he gets caught dean will fucking lose it again just be so so fucking sad and scared. and he hates seeing dean like that so he doesnt do that again (breaking dean’s heart is scarier to him than getting hurt on his behalf ;~;). but hes like. ok i cant steal from JOHN. what about other ppl. and maybe thats how he starts pickpocketing. but ofc dean wouldn’t accept that money to give to john, bc he didnt Earn It, and bc he’s too loyal and obedient to even consider lying to him ;~; so instead sam slips the coins he steals into dean’s pockets, so when he goes to give john the $$ hes just like ?? huh i dont remember making that much? weird! (its never enough anyway though ;~; john is always mad. and then dean feels like he failed, but secretly so does sam, bc he didnt manage to steal enough to placate john. and he cant even talk about his guilt to dean bc he doesnt want dean to know!!! oh no ive made myself sad)

thief/pickpocket!sam has a very special place in my heart.

ok i love this idea about market day. i think i mentioned somewhere else that both dean and sam are 100% gonna buy something for each other as like a ~surprise~ come market day. so sam def gets something for dean, but whatever it is, its not just literal coin. and then yes ;~; theyre heading home and sam is happy w/ whatever little toy dean got him, and hes happy watching dean eat whatever sweet sam got him <3 and then hes suddenly like. wait. i should have saved that. dean might need that, to give back to cas later ;~;

so then yes!! he steals some coin from cas. he wants to have a good stash so that maybe it will be enough to appease cas later, but he’s smart so he doesnt just grab a whole bunch of money, bc he knows cas will notice. instead he like. does what u said. he just like pockets the money when he brings someone a cup of ale or something. and he does this like once every few days for a while, and hides the money under a floorboard or something.

(i think cas is way more meticulous than sam realizes tho, partially bc he’s autistic, he likes keeping track of things and having everything be very organized, he’s very detail oriented. so i think he does notice that they’re missing a penny or 2 here and there, whenever sam is on shift. but i also don’t think he thinks sam is stealing, i think he just thinks he’s 10 and distracted sometimes and still learning how to do the job effectively. after all, cas gets short changed sometimes too, when things r really busy. so he doesnt bring it up, bc he doesnt want to discourage sam or make him feel like hes doing a bad job ;~; <3)

anyway now i feel like this could go two directions- either at some point, sam realizes that cas is a good person who does his best to take care of them, and he’s overwhelmed by guilt. he returns the coins, crying bc he feels so bad, is still half convinced cas is gonna hit him, but he’s so repentant that he feels like he would deserve it. ofc cas does nothing of the sort and just comforts him, and sam gets to spill his heart out about how awful it was to watch dean scramble to make money for john and still get hurt, and how he used to steal to try to help him, and how he was scared he would have to do the same thing here ;~; and cas is like i will never ever make ur brother whore again, and i will never hurt him or u for not making money. ;~;

OR! over time he trusts cas more and more, but he still keeps his stash just in case. years go by tho, and he doesnt need it, and he never even thinks about it, bc eventually he’s at the point where he doesnt even question that cas is safe. so he totally forgets about the stash of coins. until one day like 20 years later he finds it again on accident. and hes like a full grown adult in his 30 whos married and hasnt been afraid for his safety in years and years. and he’s like. oh my god. ;~; and he remembers how scared he was back then and how big of a burden he had on his little shoulders. and maybe he sees his childhood self objectively and understands that he was trying so hard to protect himself and dean, even if he came off as spiteful and full of rage. and maybe he lets go of that last tiny leftover bit of self hatred, and forgives himself for the things he had to do to survive <3 ;~;

[macklives]

alright, im actually kind of in the mood to unpack some stuff regarding karkat's character and the way alternia works actually, so i dont mind giving this a go. and while act 5 isnt completely finished yet (so this is an analysis post for act 5 up until page 2305), there is still more to explore, and im pretty sure i have a lot more to read regarding both karkat AND alternia. until then, i will give a general layout as to what i know so far and how i can expand this in a psychological way (especially considering i did my psych exam so my mind is FRESH from studying)

alright, starting with what seems to be the deal with the hemospectrum, theres a total of 12 blood colors. HOWEVER, one of those blood colors is a "mutant" blood which is unwanted in troll culture as it is, well, "mutant", meaning whoever has this blood will get brutally slaughtered. hurrayyy. im guessing it is even lower than aradia's rust blood, as she is allowed to live but is the lowest on the hierarchy triangle. meaning karkats blood is not even ON the hierarchy triangle and simply buried underground where they hope he stays. so its not exactly pleasant to be living in a society where everyone is trying to KILL you or at least keep you away from everything.

from what i remember, troll reproduction is a vital aspect in their culture, that everyone is forced to mate and drones will come by each house to collect the genetic material. this is mandatory apparently, and if someone were to object, they will be “culled" as quickly as they could say no. alternia seems to be really keen on the whole "blood and carnage" thing, which means their probable solution to anybody breaking the law, is to kill them on sight and just leave them there to rot - regardless of who they are and what families they comes from or have. trolls are free to kill whenever or whoever they please without any governmental repercussions. which means revenge upon revenge happens without any policy.

however this is very important when looking at karkat, because karkat may not be able to do the whole reproduction process (not that we necessarily want him to, im saying this in terms of how its mandatory for every troll and there will be a time when the drones WILL come for karkat). but as he is already a mutant and if they were to "collect" from him, they would find out his blood regardless of how he hides it. they will either cull him for saying no, or cull him for his blood. karkat, in this sense, is doomed regardless. which makes his character much more interesting.

and keep in mind alternia kind of sucks, because from the looks of it, trolls are constantly tested throughout their lives to prove themselves to society that they are allowed to live and survive. but ONLY if they are the strongest among them. alternia wants to become this fearful planet where the weak die off and only those proven worthy can stay to grow up and slaughter more of their kind until the world is nothing but blood thirsty strong murderers. im not too sure who is governing alternia but they can suck a dick if they think this is how good morals work. alternia only really has one way to solve things which is to kill those who question/fight back, OR to kill those who CANNOT fight back essentially. which puts all the trolls through a double edged sword where they cannot do anything but follow the guidelines given to them by troll's society and government, and try to survive as much as they can until then.

if i remember correctly, when it comes to the law side of things. if you look at it from terezi's introduction where she explains prosecutions with her plushies (lemonsnout ect ect i forgot the term for them lol), she said "you are guilty until proven innocent" which is the polar opposite of "innocent until proven guilty” used in OUR own society today (tho i guess we are by far the "good guys" in this situation, but we are far different than how trolls live their lives). anyways, what this means is that everyone dies regardless unless theres literal proof that they have not done the crime. even so i wouldnt put it past them to do nothing about their case even WITH proof. terezi even goes to say that technically there is no way to deal with the law on alternia, and most of crimes get solved through death. she even demonstrates this by how easily she hung the "suspect" and flipped a coin to determine his fate. however, even with the coin landing on the side of safety, where the suspect were to be released, she said "im blind remember i cannot see this coin" and essentially "killed" him. while terezi may have just been playing with her plushies, theres something we can take from this which dictates how their actual court cases are actually solved.

NOW, vriska (yes ik pls bare with me here, i will not make it about vriska but i do have a point here), from the last few pages i saw, can basically kill her friends in an instant, without any remorse. i can tell she sees this as the most "necessary" solution for her problems. i wouldnt say its for survival, but she does do it as a way to provide some sort of safety on alternia. she is a higher blood, and apparently the high bloods are known to kill whoever they please as long as its convenient. and since trolls have this whole fad of "killing the ones who cause you trouble so the problem is out of the way", she is wired to think its the only solution when threatened or when you dislike a person. 

god, she killed aradia because she wanted "revenge", because she wanted to get back at aradia for tormenting her with ghosts EVEN IF aradia did so because she threw tavros off a cliff in the first place. this may have worsened their friendship, KEEP IN MIND THEY WERE FRIENDS, but NEITHER, and i mean neither terezi/vriska/aradia, had any remorse if the other dies as long as there was a reason. in the story, vriska didnt care what happened to tavros because she disliked him, therefore becoming pretty bias over his fate. because of this attempt at killing, aradia didnt care what happened to vriska either, and neither did terezi. terezi sold her out to one of the most powerful beings on their planet, solely because of their revenge cycle. as long as the troll in question did something "malicious”, then that plays a factor in their morals. vriska gave no second thought to killing both of her friends (or at least attempt to with tavros), terezi also tormented john in act 4 which led to his “doomed timeline death” and sold vriska out after she realized vriska wouldnt change. so no fucking WONDER karkat tries to hide who he is, he's overly cautious to not let it slip out because even the people he calls friends could backstab him at any given time considering theres LITERAL EXAMPLES OF THESE TROLLS HAVING DONE SO.

to karkat, he sees this as dangerous, which is why he even CALLS vriska dangerous to begin with. she might not even hesitate to kill him herself or maybe sell him out to the drones, because 1. she may not want to be a witness to something society actively seeks to destroy and 2. she cares more for her survival than karkats. EVEN if they were friends (re: aradia and vriska and terezi). so it just shows. 

on that note, i find it funny how karkat indirectly distracted vriska after she baited him with the question of his blood in a past conversation, which prompted karkat to monologue about troll romance. he was, yes, VERY interested in this topic to start with, but it was a nice little bonus for karkat as to not be found out by the one person who would most likely kill him even if it wasnt on purpose. however, we do not know how this will play out IF she does find out, we just know karkat is in the right to be scared of the theory.

and, alright i do have to mention this, while karkat may have been an angry fucker to START with, who spites the world and throws out insults every chance he gets, i feel he does this as more of a survival instinct as well. he doesnt care what he says to people no matter what they rank on the hemospectrum. they dont know his blood color so he feels he has some sort of immunity, but he just needs to keep it hidden. it also may just be his personality, as he IS a character who was given specific traits and andrew went along with it without so much thinking about plot. yet if you look at this from more of the metaphorical route, think about it with uhhhh lets say the perspective of how dogs work. for example, when you put a chihuahua next to a doberman, a doberman is more of an excited, energetic dog whereas a chihuahua will rain hell down on anybody who so goes near them. sometimes this is to make up for their size, to seem as menacing as the larger doberman, as they have nothing else to fend themselves with. another way to look at it is, if you see a bear (i forget if its black/brown or grizzly) you make yourself seem like the bigger person by scaring it off with sounds and eventually it will leave you alone. these sort of tactics work in the sense of survival. this is sort of what karkat could be doing, he uses insults and a defensive shouting to not really "hide" himself, but to have some sort of way as to not be found out if people start to question. someone asks him "hey karkat whats your blood" he goes "FUCK YOU, FUCK OFF, END OF STORY" which could make a person go "yo sorry dude forget i ever asked". so this could be a factor as to why he is so crabby, however on the other hand, he is crabby because that is also his character. andrew probably thought yo cancer = crab = crabby. however i do like how he is perceived and the whole "mutant blood" really made me do a double take on how he views life himself. he has to always hide who he is or he will get physically killed. alternia would take joy in finding out he does not belong there because lets face it, alternia is a bitch of a planet.

this also brought me to ask the question, why does karkat want to be a leader if hes so scared of what would happen to him if he were to be found out? which then, at first i said lol this is just karkat, he wants to a leader because he just wants to be the leader, he likes when things go to plan and that he the most say in their sburb plans considering he thinks everyone else is a "dumbass". to which, i then thought about it more and went ouch what if hes a leader because he knows hes not valued enough in society, that he somehow wants to feel some sort of importance in the world, so he wants to become a leader. i imagine younger karkat, not knowing why his blood is so undermined, finding out he is not wanted and suddenly on the most wanted list without having even DONE anything. even TAVROS said he was on that list, but only because he was weak and had no back-bone, here karkat may have been strong but no matter what, he was to be culled BECAUSE of his blood. something he cannot change no matter what. imagine a little kid knowing he will die at any point because of who he is (rlly sounds familiar if you think about it). so of course, he hides himself from the world, but do you think for an instant, little angry karkat wants to simply be FORGOTTEN about? i doubt that, he wants to be heard, he doesnt necessarily want to be rejected as he knows he will be, so while he does hide his blood, he wants to have a voice no matter what. when being a leader, people dont reject you, they LISTEN. they all may not want to because karkat is just a fucking ticking time bomb, who can lash out at any second, but i feel theres now a reason why he has this superiority complex. he wants to sort of become the person he knows he never will become (if you put it into that perspective). so thats kind of why im giving him the benefit of the doubt here.

i would also like to point out a sort of.... comparison?? not with the dogs but with unwanted children in a family household. this doesnt necessarily apply to karkat, but sub in family household with society and it might as well. (on that note, a warning/viewer discretion, if you have any problem with this kind of discussion, i wouldnt read further into this paragraph and skip to the next one) alright, the unwanted child psychology basically deals with the process of a child which is neglected by their parents, and/or know that they were never wanted in the family. i read an article a while back when we were discussing this in a lecture, we were browsing multiple people's perspective on the matter, and one said "An affective relationship may be suffocating to [the unwanted/neglected child]: it’s a defense against intimacy of which they know nothing. Normally they fluctuate between egotism and deep feelings of inferiority. They don’t understand what a balanced and healthy self-esteem looks like." it explains how the child who grows up in an unwanted home admits great emotion deprivation, because the child's bonds of affection are extremely fragile, and this can lead to both egotism and feeling like they are inadequate. and it really strongly shows karkats personality. we havent gotten that much from him in general, but considering how he uses this egotism to cover up the fact that he may be doomed, really shows the similarity. i liked this short article so i want to give some points to take into consideration, specifically this part: "It will be very difficult for unwanted children to build healthy relationships of affection in their adult life. Love is a foreign language to them. They don’t know how to decipher the codes and much less how to build them. It’s very hard for them to need and to be needed. That’s why, more often than not, they completely shirk their conflicts with peers and superiors, or do nothing but generate them. They speak incessantly about the broken relationship that marked their arrival in the world. A person with such a background will need help to get through those abysses of love that live in their heart. The most important step is that they recognize that their discomfort doesn’t depend on who they are, but the circumstances that led to their being." it may not be 100% tru for karkat but theres a small portion of it that can link back to karkats view on life and how being this mutant can really change who he is as a person. and i hope you can see the similarity between karkats character and this form of psychology. yet i also do not fully know the depth of karkat vantas. however i do hope it continues to build up in this way, as it would be both interesting and make us feel more for him as a person.

alright, i think if i write any more i will never stop aghjsk, which is a bit too much for a sunday afternoon, basically to sum up this post, trolls are violent and karkat will be killed if hes found out, even by his friends if it comes down to it. so karkat cannot really trust anybody, hes alone and imagine the thrill he had when he saw jack cut his hand to show the bright red blood? that he finally has someone LIKE HIM. imagine when he finds out about the kids. so i believe in his growth, while he needs to get a better vocabulary, i do get why hes so defensive all the time. because hes both scared and unwanted. and he wants to make up for it.

and i guess with all that being said, you can tell i now have a slight soft spot for the kid lmao

[spidermanifested]

Give me your SOFTEST Bido headcanons. Can involve Greed too

uhhhhhhhhhhh fuck. soft. unfortunately most of my Soft bido thoughts are less in the realm of headcanon and more in the realm of wishful thinking because unfortunately i dont think many of the things i want to happen...... did actually happen. to my despair and chagrin

but. some nice little headcanons..... okay this might be long here is a readmore for everyones health

okay. well. i headcanon him as mostly surviving as a beggar and pickpocket in the days before the labs and after getting out he is still not immune to a little casual theft. mostly food, sometimes money and small objects-- he COULD get food at the bar but hes mostly out and about and its easier to just snag something from the market square while hes on the go yknow. but when it comes to non-food things, he rarely keeps them for himself. he brings them right back to greed along with his daily reports

he very much enjoys physical contact, partially just because. Warm. but mostly because it steadies him and reminds him hes a real person who other real people can protect and care about, like...... he wants to Be Hold so so bad. unfortunately a lot of the nest has the exact opposite response to touch, they shy away from it and need their personal space, which is an understandable response to All That but this means he does not get nearly as many hugs as he needs (and he wont exactly ask for it either because hes so bad at asking for things). thats more of a sad than a "soft" headcanon but. what im saying is hes overjoyed whenever greed pats his head. he Lives for that

he is best friends with one of the bouncers because they are both trans and i decided this for basically no reason but im sticking to my guns

had another thing i was so pumped to talk about but i FORGET and im AAAAAAAAA

he gets along very well with ulchi for some inexplicable reason. ulchi basically decided they were friends and bido went along with it and now they are in fact friends. perhaps with benefits. bido might have a type

this...........is SOLELY an 03 bido headcanon but you know that scene where bidos on the phone with greed and he sounds absolutely delighted to be talking to greed on the phone. like in his head hes sprawled out on the floor twirling the cord in his finger and kicking his legs back and forth you can hear it in his voice. anyways whenever the first time was that he used a phone to call greed-- and it may very well have been That Time-- it was also the first time hed used a phone since being in a government lab for 20 years, he was holding it extremely carefully right up to his face and when he heard greeds voice come out of it so close to his ear he just started giggling for like a solid 3 minutes. and going "hello??" and then starting giggling again like. he could not handle it. ill never forgive 03 for completely erasing the blushing at greed scene but it let me imagine this and for that ill cut it a tiny bit of slack

was the blushing at greed scene the thing i wanted to talk about i dont remember. anyways i headcanon that bido gets all blushy and smiley when greed compliments h-- oh wait thats canon isnt it! whoops! and on multiple separate occasions no less. silly me how could i forget

OH WAIT NO the thing i wanted to talk about was something similar-- i think ive seen it talked about before or it might have been me talking about it before i dont remember but. the juxtaposition of bido taunting the elric brothers going "im cool/amazing/(whatever the translation you want to go with)" and then immediately cutting to greed telling bido hes amazing. thats where hes getting his self esteem from, this isnt a one-time thing, bidos normally extremely hard on himself but because greed and the others have been working on boosting his ego he can now have those moments where he considers himself COOL and AWESOME because of his abilities. and yeah maybe he does only believe it because those abilities are helpful to the gang and he doesnt consider himself to actually be all that special without them but. theyre working on it! together! one step at a time!!! if only they actually had that time and everything didnt come crashing down

finally: he learned to play the piano after coming to the bar, he figured it would be good for figuring out his sticky pads but then kept teaching himself because hes got a real knack for music and he was having so much fun with it. sometimes he plays for the rest of the nest too and they all enjoy the music together

tumblr please dont erase parts of this response thanks

[imbeccablee]

HAPPY BIRTH TO OUR LITTLE GREEN FERAL BOI-HC about how his birthday were when he was younger compared to now? (bonus points for Mama Inko being the only constant and for steadily more and more people being at his parties and deku having no idea how to deal with so many people who love him)

oh you KNOW I'm here for that Izuku angst!!! (sorry this is late, I didnt see this until yesterday night lmao)

before Izuku was diagnosed, he would invite katsuki and those other boys over after daycare. it would always be a little awkward bc technically those other boys are more katsuki's friends than Izuku's but their parents made them go anyway bc it was the nice thing to do

oftentimes the rest of the party would end up with the boys playing with Izuku's new toys (which made him a lil upset but his mom says he should share and not be selfish and besides, these are his friends, he wants them to like him, so its whatever. it is) and also playing Heroes (this is the one of the few times Izuku is allowed to play a hero with katsuki (bc theres no way in heck katsuki would play a villain) and Izuku LIVES for it)

usually the other boys will leave and katsuki will spend the night. this is always the best part for Izuku because, while katsuki does keep showing off, it's almost softer in a way, like the fact that it's just the two of them, alone, with the rest of the world shut out makes katsuki relax and unwind. izuku doesnt understand why katsuki isnt like this all the time. he doesnt know how to ask, either.

this of course ends with his fifth birthday. the months following his fourth, he eagerly awaits the arrival of his quirk, but it never shows. a week after his fifth birthday (which had been even more awkward and embarrassing since his quirk still hadn't manifested), he is diagnosed. and, well, nobody wanted to go to his party after that.

the kids thought he was weird and lame and the parents were afraid their own kids would hurt him somehow if they were to come over, because they all believed the quirkless to be weak and fragile. this of course also meant that none of the kids were allowed to invite him over to their parties, the only exception being katsuki's. and then katsuki fell off a log into a shallow river and izuku tried to help him up and, well.

he still invites people, oh yes. the first few years, he makes little invitation cards drawn in all might colors and an enthusiastic "you're invited!" on the front. inko, the sweetheart, helps put them in envelopes and carefully stored them in Izuku's backpack and Izuku passes them out. the first time no one shows, izuku is devastated. the second time, after yet another year of being downgraded and belittled and beaten and ignored, he is still devastated, but he is not surprised. the third time, it aches and aches and aches, and he decides he's not going to make cards anymore. it's just a waste of time and paper.

inko tried so very hard. those first few birthdays After were completely unsalvageable, but after the third (when Izuku accepted no one would come) they got better. izuku was still sad and inko was still guilty, but they always had a lovely time with katsudon and cake and all might specials. sometimes, his dad would even remember to call and wish him a happy birthday. izuku was- well, not happy, but content. he had his mother. he had his conviction, his dream. what else could he need?

(he steadfastly ignored the longing, the ache. nothing he could do would fix it so there was no point in dwelling on it. it was stupid to feel that way anyway. his birthday was just another day of the week, the month, the year. it didnt matter. he shouldnt feel so bad about it. it didnt matter)

he didn't even think about telling all might his birthday. by the time he was 14 going on 15, he didnt really care about it. it had just been a day he got a gift or two from his mother, his favorite dinner, and a night spent rewatching all might documentaries or movies or interviews. you know, like basically every night, but like, older this time. so he doesnt mention it and all might never brought it up, so his 15th birthday comes and goes like every other birthday did after his 8th.

the truth of the matter was all might figured Izuku would mention it at some point during his training, like offhandedly saying he had to get home early so he could have a celebration, or make small talk about what he'd gotten, or even ask for the day off. but Izuku never did and all might felt too awkward to ask when it was (he didnt want to seem too eager to shower young Izuku with presents like something deep inside him begged for with a vengeance, even though he very much wanted to give Izuku literally anything he asked for. it is a troubling feeling), so all might just assumed his birthday hadn't come up yet.

then all might finally gets a look at Izuku's file, since all might is now a teacher, and sees 07/15/XXXX written and probably breaks the speed of sound with how quickly he calls izuku

"why didnt you tell me about your birthday!!" "wh- I mean- it's just not that big of a deal, I didnt think it was-" "NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL???"

he takes Izuku out to a very belated and nice birthday dinner and has to force an incredibly rare piece of decommissioned all might merch from his early days into Izuku's hands. despite his embarrassment and initial reluctance, that day is ranked in the top ten of his favorite days.

izuku doesnt learn his lesson, however, and neglects to tell his newly acquired friends about his date of birth. the only reason they find out is because all might, having been passing them by at the end of the school day, wished him a happy birthday.

"IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY????" "uraraka please its not a big deal-" "I have to disagree midoriya, today should be special!" "I mean, I dont think birthdays are all that important either" "THANK YOU todoroki"

(and then Izuku thinks for 2 seconds WHY Todoroki thinks birthdays are unimportant and gets sad again but we're not focusing on that rn)

ochako DEMANDS that they celebrate bc theres no way in hell she's allowing her best friend to go without a birthday celebration with friends, but Izuku insists that they at least wait until summer vacation starts in less than a week, especially since he cant just come home with three friends without telling his mom

ochakos like >:( for a second, but concedes bc that's fair and then she launches herself at Izuku and gives him a big ole hug and says "happy birthday!!!" izuku's all sputtering and blushing, and then he feels a hand on either arm and Iida and Todoroki give him warm smiles and wish the same and it takes a good five minutes for his face to calm down and for him to come out from behind his arms once Ochako releases him.

so he tells his mom that his friends want to come over to celebrate soon and inko is just like 😭😭😭😭😭 because FINALLY her boy has GOOD FRIENDS who want to CELEBRATE HIM and Izuku freaks out cuz his mom is crying but she waves him off and tells him to tell the dekusquad that they can come over on saturday and that they can spend the night and that they'll have a wonderful time!!!

izuku relays two-thirds of that information in their group chat and they all agree and then basically Izuku is dreading the weekend bc the few birthday parties he's had with his "friends" before hadn't been all that great (besides the sleepover part with katsuki, though their current animosity kinda makes the memories bittersweet), and like, while he knows objectively Ochako, iida, and Todoroki are Much Better than those boys from his childhood, he just doesnt have a good frame of reference for how these things go.

anyway, so Saturday comes around and Izuku is just listlessly lazing around while his mother finishes cooking ("let me help you mom-" "nuh uh, this is for YOUR celebration mister, you arent doing a THING today), and then theres an enthusiastic knock on his door, and when he goes and opens it his friends greet him with yet another cheer of "happy birthday deku/midoriya!!"

izuku smiles because its sweet even if he doesnt particularly care about birthdays, and invites them in. they set their presents on the table and Izuku's like "you didnt have to!!" and Ochako's like "NONSENSE" and Iida is like "how could we show up at your birthday celebration without presents???" and todoroki's like "any chance to spend endeavour's money on things he wouldnt like is a chance I will never not take" and Izuku is just like akdjajdhajsb when his mom finally comes and greets them

and like. it's nice. it's really really REALLY freaking nice. Izuku didnt realize how much he was actually missing having people with him in his home besides his mom until they were there. there's a wonderful warmth filling his chest as they all eat his mother's homemade katsudon and talk about school and how excited they are for the upcoming summer trip. and when heroes come up, they ask him about different quirks and how they work and what he thinks of this hero and that hero and the only time he's interrupted from his tangents is when he stops himself because he's embarrassed for talking for so long. and then they smile and prompt him some more, saying they love hearing him talk about the stuff that interests him, and can anyone really blame him for bursting into tears?

his friends are alarmed but his mom just smiles, tearing up herself, and she asks if he'd like a big hug, and he nods, face burning bright, and then they all gather him in a warm, enveloping embrace, and he wonders how in the hell he survived without this for so long?

he's so warm and loved and for the first time in forever he feels happy during his birthday celebration.

his 16th birthday party is so incredibly different from the parties he held before he was diagnosed and from the birthdays he spent with only his mother. he'd forgotten that feeling of being cared for by people who didnt need to, or rather he'd never really known it. there's a slight twinge that it took so long for him to learn this feeling, but it's completely overshadowed by the pure elation he feels at finally being able to breathe and relax and let himself be loved.

his friends still look concerned and they obviously have questions, but they dont pry as they all continue with the party. he opens their presents and cries again and then they watch a ton of hero movies and he cries a little more. iida worries he'll dehydrate himself and Ochako fuckin loses it and Todoroki has such a soft look on his face and GOD how has Izuku lived without friends? without THEM?

it's late when they turn in, with futons and mountains of pillows and blankets surrounding them on the living room floor. izuku is nestled between Ochako and Todoroki, and he stares at the ceiling as his friends doze around him. he can feel his heart beating in his chest and, with amusement, he feels his eyes watering again, but he blinks the tears away and whispers thickly, "hey guys?" once he gets sleepy questioning murmurs, he breathes in deeply and says, "thank you." in response Ochako and Todoroki schooch closer until they're cuddled on either arm and Izuku can see Iida doing the same on the other end of ochako. then Ochako mumbles, "anything for you, deku" to which the other two boys agree. and Izuku tries to not get choked up and fails again, but its okay, because its safe here and his friends are surrounding him with warmth and love and Izuku falls asleep happy.

(their second year they have another party, of course, but this one is bigger, with the whole class. it's in the dorm, which is fine bc he doesnt think his mom's apartment could hold all of them. it's just as wonderful as his 16th birthday. he managed to hold his tears back during nearly the entire thing, and the only reason he broke was because katsuki came up to him with a perfectly wrapped box, because everything katsuki does is perfect, and shoved it into his hands with a growled well wishes. katsuki yells at him and the class laughs good heartedly as he weeps, but Izuku is just focused on katsuki, who looks soft and relaxed and nearly identical to the version of him that Izuku saw so, so long ago. and as Izuku thanks him for the present and katsuki berates him cuz "you dont even know what it is yet you idiot open it already", izuku feels a new happiness bubbling up in him, because he's so incredibly glad katsuki has been able to heal as well)

[iyliss]

What does ‘destiny’ means for Saiou and Edo.

Honestly, trying to explain precisely and without missings what « destiny » means in season 2 is rather impossible. I will probably forget things, or maybe aspects will contradict themselves somedays but I don’t really care. There’s too much to tell, and right now I will try to focus on exactly one aspect. What do Saiou and Edo means when they talk about destiny. (Also I will use more or less precise quotes and rephrasing, but I can give the specific lines and episodes. I just don’t like how pictures looks on posts like this, and Im really writing this for myself before anyone else). So. What do I mean by all that. The concept of destiny is often used by both Edo and Saiou but it appears that they don’t really put the same exact meaning behind it. Though when they talk to each other they mostly use it in similar way, some other iterations don’t exactly match. For exemple, Edo initially can’t believe Saiou’s predictions may change or turn out wrong, while Saiou treats it rather calmly. Edo also many times iterates that destiny is an immovable object, that humans can’t pretend alter, while Saiou talks a lot about changing it. So. What does it mean for the both of them and why does it hold different meaning ? And please do know that that is just a massive piece text.

First, let’s consider Edo’s meaning. As said, Edo begin by sincerely thinking that destiny is absolutely impossible to change. It’s something that dictate people’s life, but that they can’t escape nor control beyond having some knowledge of it. In his first duel against Judai, he specify that it is something determined at birth, and already is written as such. In a way, it’s a rather god-like concept : all powerful and beyond humans’ reach. I think this all ties in Edo’s inner desire of some kind of absolute justice. In the earliest episodes, Edo sincerely think there’s a difference between exceptionnal people, who were given abilities and an incredible fate to accomplish, and everyone else who can’t ever reach the firsts’ level. It’s a justice in the sense that everyone will receive in measure of their greatness eventually, which is only given and not chosen. It’s also a justice in the sense of good and evil. Edo clearly doesnt believe in any justice system, chasing criminals himself. As such, destiny is the consequences of being an inherently bad person, that any good person (that Edo surely take himself for) has the right to punish. This divine justice destiny influence as such most of Edo’s early personnality. The way he disrespects others, and the way he grows to view Saiou. One of the thing that made him unable to notice the quite morally wrong things Saiou was doing, is because he still believes that there’s a strict limit between good, innocent people, and those who commits crimes. And Saiou can’t possibly be on the second case. It is further strenghtend by the absoluteness of his concept of destiny, potentially projecting that, destiny being always right, Saiou who incarnates it for him must be as well.

As such, Edo’s challenge against destiny was majorly based on accepting that it does not exist, first by breaking the order it had built. It went by having to face that Saiou may not always be right, but also that he may not be as special as he thought. And that’s the part where Judai is possibly able to save Saiou. If it’s Judai, instead of him, then it means for Edo that he is not really exceptional. It means destiny is wrong, and it means rebuilding the fundation of his ego. That’s why Edo stops talking about destiny rather brutally. The moment the rules break, he can’t do much but let go of them. That’s why, when the Light and Saiou still tells him about destiny, he just ignores it. Between the moment he realized his destiny had lost meaning and then, he ended up viewing himself and Saiou as much more whole and human (and also realized believing in destiny hadn’t help him as much as Saiou in himself had).

As for Saiou’s destiny The way he talks about it make it seem a lot less rigid. At the end his goal is to change it, by meeting Edo, then by observing Judai. He accepts the changes he sees and, as seen in his duel against Manjoume, choice is allowed. His is closer to the uncontrollable consequences of things. It’s kind of the meaning of that duel. Around the end, Saiou asks Manjoume to shuffle his deck before he draws the card on top, which will mean Manjoume either win or lose.  Right there, Manjoume both has and has no choice. He can choose when to stop the shuffling but, in the end, not knowing what card is on top, he doesnt really control anything. Choice matters (it is what decides what card will be on top), but having the right card is not really under control. In all that, Saiou is in a position of knowing what card will be drawn, but not how. He knows the outcome, but not the execution. And this situation of knowing the outcome but having little control over the process is how he uses destiny. That’s his « destiny of destruction » : he knows that he will eventually go through this but is rather powerless when it comes to preventing it. Edo is going to save him ? Sure but he doesnt know why or how, the best he can do is make sure he’s in his life. And so on. The predictions can be wrong, the result can change, but there’s always this aspect of not having control on whats to come. It is close to determinism.

When Saiou challenges his own destiny, it’s by managing to not care about it. The main issue that can arise from a certain kind of determism is the thought that people are actually powerless, and everything is just consequences of causes that can’t be control. The only way to get back control , in  Saiou’s situation, is by knowing the causes. That’s pretty much what he does when he tries to find out who will save him, and just about everytime he reads the future. He’s trying to find the causes of the consequences he already knows. That leads him to never really take actions. That’s one of the meaning behind his saying that he is imprisonned by destiny. Knowing it makes it impossible for him to actually think he’s changing anything. This is one main difference between Edo and Saiou’s concept of destiny. An opposition rather meaningful in season 2, between believing and knowing. Edo believed that some people were inherently better than others. It wasnt really based on any truth, and his path was to let go of that belief. Saiou knows the outcoms, it’s not something that can be undone, causality is based on logic and, at the end, it’s pretty much impossible to stop knowing that causes and consequences are a thing. His development is about not caring about it, or not focusing on it. The last thing Edo says about destiny is that he doesnt believe in it. The last thing Saiou has related to that is refusing to listen to the Light talking about serving destiny. So, no longer focusing on what’s to come, including no longer being able to tell the future.

And if you’re wondering, the meaning Saiou gives to destiny in season 4 is a bit different so… I wont really cover it here.

But, there’s something those two meanings have in common. They are the concentration of what both of them used as children to deal with their situation, and importantly filling the absence of adults in their life, and that they projected on a singular concept.

Edo was found lost and alone after his father’s death. He coped mostly by projecting the guidance he lacked onto his cards (leading to being so protective of them), and the idea of destiny brought by Saiou. I’m comparing the two because, while the D Heroes are quite obviously a reminder of his father, his « destiny » can be too as it is heavily based on heroic narratives. At the end of the day, all his talk about people’s fate being written in advance, the difference between the exceptionnal people, the unimportant one, and the evil ones, it’s like a story. Behind all this, there’s still a little boy dealing with loss by projecting himself into a story (inspired by the heroes from his father), where the hero is brave and strong and better than anyone else despise his tragic past, where there are unimportant npcs here to show how great the hero is, and a Big Bad to save someone he loves from. Thinking everything is written makes sense since it’s how stories always goes. At the beginning, Edo is very passionate about destiny, but also about heroes and how those cards are for him alone. His development goes by both accepting that Judai may save Saiou, that he isnt as important as he believed he was, and that heroes can be just fun as well. And it all comes from what he needed as a child : reassurance, justice (that adults couldn’t provide by not finding his father’s murderer), and promise that he had a future and a happy ending. Destiny was a continuation of his father’s legacy, and a way for him to keep building himself despite the lack of adults in his life.

As for Saiou, he pretty much says he used destiny as a survival tool when he was a kid. Especially to stay sane. The first effect destiny had on him was to keep some kind of rationality. The way he uses his power, and talks about destiny, is quite distant. Being able to understand both what was going on for him, and what would happen (his own prediction) has hardly controllable causalities, allowed him to make sense of it. On one side, as someone with more information, distancing himself surely was one of his own coping mechanism. On the other, thinking that there are so many factors leading to something can reduce guilt, especially when it comes to his « destiny of destruction ». Following destiny meant he wasnt in total control, so it wasnt completely his fault. Even if the whole guilt reducing part may not have worked, it did made him strongly feel like he had no real control on his life. That’s how destiny played for him the role an adult would have. Taking responsibility for his life, his action, and organise it. Saiou talks so often about being guided by destiny, as a way to separate himself from decision and actions he shouldn’t have had to take as a child. Interestingly, Saiou is conscious of using destiny like that since he is a child. When he refers to when he met Edo, he does think of it as his own intention, but view them as wrong. Unlike Edo, who’s transition out of destiny was rather brutal, Saiou don’t have a moment of realization. He may have known for a long time that, even if destiny like that isn’t so good to focus on, he won’t really stop. Escaping destiny in a way is not so much about changing what is to come, but letting go of the concept itself.

So I think Im running out of things to say if I want to keep it focus. I hope it makes some sense and interest, it’s hard constantly reminding myself of how the characters are and what they say so I can put down something coherent. I am pretty sure I won’t agree with some stuff in a bunch of week but I don’t really care, at least now some more thoughts are out in the wild.

[foolgobi65]

meta re: figuring out how old bhadra is, and also when exactly bhalla got married and spawned a child lmao. (also some about the poor woman who had to be his wife.) under cut for length lol

hmm so i just saw a meta which puts bhadra as just a few months younger than mahendra which is interesting, and i can see that being possible given the two actors, but where i disagree is the part of this theory that implies bhalla is married when baahu and devasena are still together. i think if bhalla were to get married, baahu and devasena would have to be invited, just in terms of propriety. i think bhalla would actually enjoy the huge state ceremony that would serve to show how small devasena and baahu were now in contrast. i also think that at this point in the story, while baahu is still alive and married to devasena, bhalla has no interest in his own marriage -- he’s definitely not married (at least imo) at the time of their exile, and even if he wanted a child to compete for the throne at that point baahu’s kid would still be a good 6 months older regardless. i think bhadra must definitely be a few years younger than mahendra (who i believe is around 24ish years old.) bhalla’s obsession with devasena reads to me as about possession rather than a singleminded love or want to make her his real wife. the fact that we don’t see bhalla’s wife at all later makes me think that she’s either dead, or he never married and bhadra is bhalla’s child with a woman bhalla never married. i can see bhalla being obsessed with devasena his entire life, particularly as a transference of both his prior obsession with sivagami as the mother and queen ruler figure who in is mind loved baahu more, and also his obsession with baahu who was just better than bhalla at the things that bhalla wanted (primarily the easy adoration of the people and sivagami.) devasena, both as legal queen mother and clearly sivagami’s annointed heir at her last moments, and as baahu’s love, becomes the object of bhalla’s lifelong hatred and to me he tortures her daily as both substitute for sivagami and baahu who are dead and beyond his reach, and also for her own sake because let’s not underestimate devasena’s ability to piss off bhalla. i think on a surface level when he saw her picture he did feel lust, and so i think there is a very gross and terrible sexual aspect to his need to keep her in chains and under his grip. bhadra clearly states some very disgusting sexually tinged insults at devasena (calling her a whore multiple times) which is obviously a learned behavior from i assume bhalla and maybe biju. all this to say that for me, the main woman in bhalla’s life until his death is devasena. his last words are even to devasena, rather than mahendra who is the clear baahu replacement, and he tells her to join him on the pyre which is reminiscent of what this society demands of good warrior wives.

if bhalla was married, it was a grand alliance where she was probably fabulously wealthy and beautiful and the marriage was conducted with lots of pomp and circumstance in order to distract people from the fact that baahu and sivagami were dead alongside mahendra, and devasena was in chains in the city center. biju found the bride, sent the single most annoying proposal on earth, which implied invasion if she wasnt promptly sent having tied the mangalsutra to bhalla’s sword. definitely wealthy, may or may not have military importance. definitely a beautiful woman, a quiet woman with no personality who was promptly destroyed by having to live under a cruel sadistic man who was obsessed with his dead brother’s caged wife. if bhadra didnt seem so old that he could probably be only max a few years younger than mahendra i would say that bhalla’s wife probably takes a few years to concieve: bhalla would probably be the type of terrible man to treat a woman so badly she would miscarry. but bhadra is pretty close to mahendra’s age, so bhalla’s wife must have conceived pretty quickly. as he desperately needed an heir at the time bhalla, once she is pregnant, ignored her almost entirely except for once a week when he had her carried in a palanquin to see devasena so that he could gloat about his impending fatherhood. the poor woman would by this point be of a sickly sort, even if she had been healthy at the time of her marriage, have a difficult pregnancy exacerbated by her sheer terror at the thought of having anything less than an exceedingly strong male heir. ( i cant imagine biju or bhalla would be anything less than extremely direct about the consequences if the child was born with a disability, or god forbid was a girl.) her entire pregnancy would be one folk remedy after another guaranteed to produce a strong, healthy prince, all eight months after the pregnancy announced to the public an empire wide endeavour to ensure the safe arrival of the prince to be. thousands of ceremonies across the kingdoms would be funded, each sending her the fruits of their sacrifice for her to eat. everything about her day would be micromanaged from the time she woke, to the clothes she wore and the direction she faced when she slept. devasena, who spent the last three months of her own pregnancy exiled in a mining community and yet delivered a strong child, looks at the queen who somehow seems to be weakening every visit and wonders at the great gods’ irony. 

one of my headcanons about the weird family strength is that these babies take a toll on their gestating mothers, and so only a particular type of woman is capable of surviving the pregnancy and birth -- sivagami and devasena are both of this type, and so they find their pregnancies relatively easy, and their births are normal and safe. you can either take this to be something physical or mental, or if you’re more into magical explanations for magical strength, its a (terrifying and horrible) way of the family line basically validating the queen: if she survives, she’s deserving of being queen mother.  baahu’s mother and bhadra’s mother aren’t sivagami and devasena, though they’re probably wonderful women in their own right. the pregnancies sap them of their strength and nutrients (kind of like a leech), and when they give birth it is a long, drawn out process in which the babies had they not had the family strength would have died. the mothers both bleed out. the kingdom barely mourns the queen it barely had a chance to know -- if she becomes pregnant so quickly after marriage, bhalla would never have risked her out in public. instead, there is a massive celebration to anoint the heir to the empire, and bhalla invests heavily in propagating a narrative that has bhadra solely his son: his wife the queen is erased from the stories entirely, it is almost as if bhadra sprung straight from bhalla’s skull, the perfect son. 

the queen’s death doesn’t break the alliance of her marriage, but it does downgrade them from slightly favored allies to just one with the rest -- there is a rumor that does not die no matter how hard they try that she died of a broken heart, that she grew so sickly in the heart of the empire despite the best of all medicine because she did not want to get better, or try to mother the son of her demon husband. (they are half right: the queen, delirious in her last moments, does not regret leaving her husband who happens to be the worst man she has ever met, nor does she regret leaving her disgusting father in law. she regrets somewhat having to leave devasena, whom the queen had nursed a slight hope of helping somewhat in the future when her place as the heir’s mother gave her a little more leverage. most of all, she regrets that she leaves her son, whom in her heart of hearts she had viciously wished to be a daughter, to the cruel mercies of his father. she was never going to be a strong woman in this palace, but even something might have been better than nothing, she thinks. just a little kindness, she hopes for someone to teach him, a little mercy. and then, thinking again of her burning hatred for her husband, whom she damns to all the hells that exist, the only true empress mahishmati has in 50 years dies. her first marriage anniversary will be in one month.) 

the other option for bhadra’s mother imo is that she’s a favoured courtesan of bhalla. for this i think its definitely possible that their relationship can be established even before mahendra’s birth -- there’s no reason they aren’t together even prior to the kalakeyan war. this might be a way to make it easier for bhadra to be closer in age to mahendra, where bhalla, despite being consumed with his obsession for devasena continues to visit and the courtesan becomes pregnant (whether she plans this after reading the room and realizing bhalla has ruled for 3 years and has no heir is up to you.) there is obviously no pomp and circumstance here for the duration of the pregnancy, almost no one is aware of the child’s paternity. many kings have many natural born children, and bhalla initially believes that this child will be like any other though unique in a sense for himself because it will be his first child at all. then, he thinks, realizing that he isnt really inclined to marry but requires an heir. within this option there is the possibility for a queen who simply cannot give bhalla a child (maybe she miscarries, whether because of bhalla’s behavior or on purpose because she doesn’t want to have his child) or just ... bhalla doesnt want to get married because he’s obsessed with devasena. the courtesan is sent a message, and under the utmost secrecy is moved to a chamber in the inner palace where her every want is cared for in the hopes of her delivering a strong, male child. she is treated as a queen for the eight months and when she gives birth she probably survives. she is definitely not allowed to raise the child -- bhalla announces that bhadra is his heir, his natural born son, and does not announce the mother. bhadra is raised entirely as bhalla’s son, never allowed to question his mother’s identity or to meet her. either she remains within bhalla’s palace, as a continued object of his favor or is allowed to leave mahishmati after a vow of silence regarding bhardra’s parentage. 

anyways, i’m putting bhadra at 20/21 to mahendra’s 24, and if bhalla gets married he probably thinks about it a year after baahu’s death, gets married a year after that, the queen dies within a year of the marriage (all a space of 3ish years.) option 2, it’s been 3 years and bhalla keeps pushing off thoughts of marriage and then opportunity falls into his lap. in general this is in line with my belief that bhalla at a base level does not care about any woman except for devasena, particularly after he has her in chains. before this, his sole object was the throne, and if he married at that point it would be a political alliance to make him a more favorable candidate for the crown for sure. needing to get married doesn’t occur to him (and to be fair doesnt seem to occur to baahu until he falls in love.) as king he’d only consider marriage in terms of getting an heir, and he wouldn’t care about the woman he married at all -- he’d treat her horribly, probably venting all the anger and frustration he cant with devasena because she lives in the cage which in a sense protects her from the worst physical/sexual abuse. the only respite his wife, another woman entirely under his control, would have is probably becoming pregnant. a favored courtesan, particularly one who had a relationship pre the whole devasena obsession, would have a different dynamic with him, especially since she’s technically “his’ but also not entirely in the way a wife would be. less abuse imo for sure, and the significantly less scrutiny and pinned hopes on her pregnancy results in her general good treatment rather than the exhausting micromanaging characteristic of a wife/queen. 

both of these options basically result in bhalla and biju having total control on the raising of bhadra to be the Worst, and for bhadra’s identity to basically be “bhalla’s son” more than even regular princes who define themselves as their father’s sons. the woman is erased entirely from the narrative, and exists entirely to give bhalla an heir and then conveniently disappear, as distasteful as that is. 

as usual, any other ideas/opinions/complete negations are welcome!! please comment or reply i’m really interested to see what you all think!!!

@teammahishmati @teambaahubali

[vylad243]

Morro and Harumi Headcanons.

Might include spoilers? Maybe? I don't know what you've seen.

There may or may not be over a hundred:

• Morro called Harumi 'Jade' instead of 'Princess'

• Harumi calls him 'Breeze' in return

• Morro and Harumi's friendship started because of their hatred of the FSM

• Morro helped reconnect Harumi with her parents when she died

• Morro braids Harumi's hair

• Harumi taught Morro how to dance

• Following a certain theory that I might post soon, Morro and Harumi visit Ninjago to make sure everyone is okay.

• Morro and Harumi greet the bounty every time her op ass dies

• Harumi likes to see how far she can step before she pisses Morro off

• Harumi tries to convince Morro and the FSM to fight all the time

• Harumi will use Morro as a "Date" for dances and parties and such whenever she gets the chance

• Harumi and Morro are constantly sassing each other

• Harumi likes Morro's elemental dragon and she tries to talk him into always having it out.

• Harumi once tried to get Morro to visit his parents in the departed realm but when he kept refusing she gave up, not wanting to push him.

• Morro once called Harumi his cousin and she freaked out, forgetting he was adopted by Wu, he hasn't done it since.

• Harumi called Morro 'Sour Green' once.

• It bothered Morro because there is a colour called 'Lime Green'

• Harumi will walk up to Morro with random rocks and ask him to identify if because he was once a miner and probably knew a lot about rocks

• Harumi found out Morro really like Amethysts and likes to say his favorite colour is purple, which he never denys 🤔

• Harumi likes to watch Morro's and the FSM's arguements and will occasionally eat popcorn during these

• Harumi is a bit afraid of how Powerful Morro is compared to the Ninja

• Morro showed Harumi all the best places in the departed realm and also showed her how to look upon other realms

• Harumi clings to Morro like a bat whenever they past the Great Devourer in the departed realm, the snake is surprisingly chill

• Morro has slight PDST from the cursed realm and Harumi feels useless whenever she watches him slightly freak out when it's mentioned

• Harumi learnt Morro likes hugs.

• She recently learnt only she can hug him.

• No matter how mad Morro gets at Harumi, he'll never let her suffer alone and will always be there when she needs someone

• Harumi hates that she can't help Morro in return though because he doesn't tell her anything, but she doesn't know that just her presence helps him

• Morro strongly recommends avoiding Harumi's adoptive parents in case they snap at her and he knows she's not emotionally prepared for that

• Harumi thinks Morro should get a service dog if they ever permanently stay in Ninjago

• He disagrees with her about that.

• Harumi and Morro get into alot of arguements about his safety once she found out he was actually allergic to a common metal found in alot in caves, hell if I know what it's called.

• Harumi feels like she's become a little too protective over Morro until she remembers the dumb shit he pulls

• Morro think that he's under protective of Harumi

• Morro tried his hardest to hide the fact he's half blind from her, the scar is so close to his eye, and how he moves his head, he feels like she already know, but she hasn't yelled at him yet so he's unsure (My headcanon hiiissssss)

• Harumi likes to call Morro 'Mini-god' and the Bounty 'Big God'

• It really gets him mad, but he loves her to much to say anything about it.

• Harumi likes Horror movies, but won't watch them, mention them, or talk about any near Morro because they scare him to no ends.

• It makes her really curious of what's in the Cursed Realm though.

• Morro likes puns.

• Harumi doesn't

• Morro can sing

• Harumi is mad he never does sing

• Morro can speak so many different languages it's ridiculous. He can speak Oni and Dragon too.

• Harumi want him to teach her, but she hasn't convinced him to yet. In reality she just wants to understand what he's saying half the time.

• Harumi and Morro insult each other every chance they get

• They don't do well separated

• English actually isn't his native language, he just learnt it at such a young age from Wu

• Morro is short and Harumi makes fun of it every chance she gets

• Harumi's favorite colour is actually yellow

• Harumi comes up with the craziest nicknames for him and he can't come up with any good ones, her personal favorite that he gave her was Onyx, but she really likes Jade too.

• Morro insults her in different languages

• Harumi doesnt like the second largest snake either

• Each time Harumi sees Morro cry she tries to cheer him up by saying "It's okay my life sucked too."

• He will passive aggressively say that she died when she was older then fourteen and she'll just hug him.

• Harumi and Morro's favorite spot is the waterfall in the departed realm despite Morro's anxiety with water

• Morro has heterochromia eyes, one green and the other is silver

• Harumi has pretty sky blue eyes

• Harumi and Morro like to insult Misko, the FSM, and Wu.

• They're both pretty socially awkward

• Harumi has tried to get Morro to tie back his hair

• Morro will stay up all night just to watch Harumi and make sure she's doing okay and not having any nightmares while she sleeps

• Harumi loves to sleep

• Harumi doesn't like fire to much, and ironically, Morro doesn't like water

• Harumi likes to lean against Morro

• They actually ignored each other's existence at first

• The first person Harumi saw in the departed realm was a childhood friend of her's

• The first person Morro saw was the FSM

• Yes they immediately got into an arguement

• Morro makes jokes about how Harumi took his plan, but little does he know his plan was the base to Harumi's plan, just different objectives, and outcomes, and boring stuff like that.

• Morro hates sleeping

• Harumi wonders if she would of been sent to the cursed realm despite redeeming herself, she also wonders that about Morro when he died again

• Morro hasn't told anyone that destroying the Cursed Realm was a stupid plan and that all realms use each other as pillars

• He also never said 'I told you so' when Djinjago was destroyed when the Cursed Realm fallen (Is that how you spell it)

• Harumi and Morro usually greet all those who pass into the departed.

• Morro has called the head writer in Cloud Kingdom stupid on multiple occasions

• Morro might be one of the only characters in Ninjago who doesn't have his destiny being written out by the people in Cloud Kingdom (I say this is a might, I'm not sure, but I'm sprinkling some theory juice in here)

• So technically he did prove destiny wrong since he gets to write his own now. (If the above is true)

• Harumi likes it when Morro does her hair

• Morro refuses to let Harumi touch his hair.

• Harumi is a bit jealous of Morro's powers, but that's only because she felt she could save her parents' life if she had them

• Morro would of most likely given Harumi his powers

• Harumi and Morro actually don't talk about Lloyd that much

• Harumi has tried to show Morro how technology works, but he's beyond that stuff.

• He thinks it's stupid, but doesnt care enough to turn back time to make technology never exist

• Morro actually finds a bit of pride being the first ever elemental master that was a villian, he thinks it's nice that it proves you don't have to become what others think you're going to be.

• Harumi thinks it's funny that Morro is kidna cheesy, but she excuses it because of his young age.

• Morro doesn't like being the youngest villian though

• Harumi thinks it's stupid that Wu puts so much pressure on kids

• Morro, despite having huge advantages against the ninja, liked to be fair and give then easier chances to beat him. (Like seriously, dude. You could of just phased through the FSM's shit. You didn't have to play by the rules)

• Harumi doesn't like The Overlord

• Morro questions how when The Overlord died he was sent to the departed realm instead of the Cursed Realm

• Morro never went to school and is purely self-taught, besides the things Wu taught him

• Harumi feel bad about everything she did

• Morro honestly couldn't care less about what he did

• Moror can play a guitar

• Harumi likes to visit Ninjago, she doesn't like how she has to hide everytime she does it though

• Harumi is afraid of what the FSM will do to her and Morro if they keep fighting with him

• Harumi really likes pearls

• Morro wanted to be a doctor when he was younger

• Harumi wanted to be like the Ninja until the Great Devourer Incident

• Morro made Harumi pet the Great Devourer once. He doesn't regret making her do that

• Morro's favorite flower is a lily

• Harumi's is either a Carnation or Devil's Paintbrush

• Morro is slightly irritated that the FSM made a giant snake that consumes everything in it's path and didn't take precautions to make sure it didn't do exactly what it did.

• Harumi will sometimes just agree with whatever Morro says

• Morro used to like the rain

• Harumi likes mysteries

• Morro once asked Harumi if her adoptive parents had kids, would the baby be the ruler because it's actual blood or if Harumi would because's she's the eldest and she was adopted at such a young age

• Harumi didn't know how to answer and said she believed the baby would

• Morro actually likes cuddles, he's just very selective

• Morro used to be friends with that Grundle he threw a stick at. He named it Honey.

• He never told Wu about his very dangerous pet

• Harumi likes sea creatures and the ocean. Again, mysteries

• Morro likes to read and used the read every chance he got

• Harumi asked Morro what it was like being Wu's student and he just pointed to the Great Devourer and walked away. She still doesn't know what that means

• Morro, despite accepting he's Wu's adoptive child, will fight anyone who says he's Wu's son.

• Harumi made one joke about how Morro should of used the water from his second death to help him survive his first death.

• He just responded with "That's not how boiling works"

• Morro likes to stargaze

• Harumi and Morro can both draw

• Harumi and Morro both don't like the idea of the other talking to other people, afraid they're gonna loose their best friend

• Harumi likes to pick grass from the Departed Realm and watch it fade away

• Harumi wants to learn how to play the piano

--------

And I'm gonna stop now, I need to save some hcs in case I need some more for later xD

[hopefullyentertainment-blog]

Name: Eliana Abrell Nicknames: Ellie, LeeLee (Only certain people call her that) Gender: Female Age: 218 Birthday: February 17, 2069 Species: Ghoul Height: 4ft 2in Weight: 55 lb Languages: English Relationship: Single Sexuality: -------------- (Not really Looking to ship this character) Left/Right handed: Right Voice: N/A Backstory:    Eliana was an average, pre-war girl before the bombs dropped. She always liked to watch her father work on his robots and wanted to be just like her father when she grew up. She loved to walk in the shallow river near her house and look for objects others usually overlook, these were treasure to her.    Her parents needed to go out for a few days for business, and left Eliana in the care of their Mister Handy, Arden. It just so happened that this was when the bombs dropped. It isn't certain how she survived, all you need to know is that she did, but was ghoulified as a result. Arden insisted that they wait for Mr. and Mrs. Abrell to return from their trip then discuss what they were going to do, but they never did come back to the house. The two waited there for several months before they were pushed out by raiders. Arden thought the next step would be to head to where her parents were, so they started venturing.    As the years pasted, both Arden and Eliana started loosing hope that they would ever find her parents. Eventually, Eliana gave up looking for her parents after around 40-50 years due to her accepting that they were either dead or had forgotten about her by now, but she continued traveling anyway. She realized she loves exploring, and finding things other people may find "useless". She started selling the various Pre-war knick knacks she came upon, even though she barely gets any business its better than not having any caps. She also started repairing Arden whenever he started breaking down or whenever he was damaged.    Now she travels from town to town, selling many various useless items to whoever is interested in looking at the past. Personality:    Eliana, even though she may not look like it, she is very independent. She still maintains many childish tendencies and acts like a child a lot of the time, many child directed things still interest her, though if questioned about it she'll deny it does. Eliana is smart for her size, but definitely not a genius by any means, just more advanced than most folks in robotics specifically. She wants people to believe she's old/big enough to act for herself and isn't a stupid little kid who needs worrying about. She'll insist that she's old enough to handle anything thrown at her, but she really isnt prepared for anything without Arden. Likes: - Machines - Traveling - Prewar stuff - Ghouls - Synths - Kid stuff (Though she will deny it if asked about it) Dislikes: - Chems - Raiders - Being treated like a child - Conflict - Important Information being held from her just because she's "A kid" and "cant handle it" (Being lied to) - Being looked down upon Strengths: - Eliana does know a decent amount about machines and she can fix something up for money or for herself. - Eliana has Arden, who is a beefed up Mister Handy, who normally handles any conflict they come across. He is completely loyal to her and normally always looks at her best interest rather than everyone else's Weaknesses: - Is a ghoul (Never the less a child ghoul). A lot of the time people don't talk or buy from her due to the fact that she is a ghoul. She is also attacked by many bigots who do believe that Ghouls are abominations. - Ellie knows zero combat skills herself and relies on Arden to defend her. If she were forced into a combat situation she would most surely die. Regular Inventory: - Around 200-300 caps on her (Cannot get these unless she is killed) - Random Knick Knacks (I.e.: Jewelry, Clothes, Bowling Balls, Sewing needles, Teddy Bears/Toys, Etc.) (Prices vary) - Will sometimes have comics or bobble heads on her (can probably be bought for 200 caps apiece) Relations: Family:    -Alessandra Abrell (Eliana's mother, a very respected high school teacher in the community) (Whereabouts: unknown)    -Ivrin Abrell (Eliana's Father, Works with machines) (Whereabouts: unknown)    -Arden (The Abrell family's mister handy. He is Eliana's full time caregiver. He is very conceited and moody, but is very well mannered. He looks out for the best interest of Ellie, stopping her from making foolish choices. He also keeps her from travelling with people for her own protection.) (Whereabouts: With Eliana) Friends: (Open?) Enemies: -Raiders (Open I guess) Notes: -Normally, Eliana can either be found in a ghoul centered town/settlement or just wandering around an abandoned city/town with Arden looking for goodies. -Its hard for her to stay in one place at once, she loves exploring and adventuring so much that if she isnt exploring somewhere new, she'll very slowly become a little sad and disappointed. Normally, her and Arden just leave without consulting anyone really, since there's nothing ever really stopping them. The only way Eliana would willing stay in the same place for too long would be if Arden were to be broken beyond repair. -If she is in a Town, then you would get an option to "borrow" Arden from Eliana for a short period of time, though you would normally need to do a speech check to actually do it. Its around 700 caps (which can be talked down to 450 caps) to rent Arden, and Eliana would make you promise to bring him back in one piece. From that point on Arden would act as a temporarily companion to whomever until you dismiss him. Eliana will stay in the town until Arden is dismissed back to her. -Isnt very fond of Smooth Skins and much more prefers Ghouls no matter what the situations is. She doesnt Hate Smooth Skins, she just isnt the MOST fond of them. 

Rules of the character: -NO pornography of the character whatsoever -You don't have to ask to draw her, just credit me -You may review her, I don't mind (I would really like them QwQ) -If you have Questions, You can ask -Anything else, I don't really care Fallout belongs to Bethesda

[mommydragon-of-all]

OC Interview Meme

This looks fun. Also some answers drastically differ depending on around what time this "interview” takes place. So i got thinking and since I was tagged by@sakurabunnie who’s getting to know my pre-inquisition Soren, i choose to time this before Inquisition. Then i was tagged by dear @hadiden-lavellan too, but by then i was halfway through his post, and hey why not, some looking back :) Thank you both!!!! :3333

For Soren (Lavellan):

1. What is your name?

“A lot of people have called me by a lot of names. You can call me Soren.”

2. What is your real name?

“It is actually Soren. Yep, just Soren. I lost my original belonging and i didnt take any of my families surnames. Not permanently nor in any way official.”

3. Do you know why you were called that?

“Oh well, my parents wanted a pair of short and strong names that ring together, even if they had to get a bit creative. Also, as i learned, a pair of names that can be lilted and growled equally well haha “

4. Are you single or taken?

“i am free like a bird. Does your nest have some extra space on a cold night by the way?”

5. Have any abilities or powers?

“Im a highly trained assassin, among … other things. If you ever get in trouble… *slides over a strange little object* flash this around the shady parts of any city. They will take care of the rest. But for your lives sake, do not try to lie”

6. Stop being a Mary Sue.

“ I dont think i ever used that alias… “

7. What’s your eye color?

“Oohhh you are welcome to gaze into them closer, yes ;) no low light excuses, they have their own, so just lean over… “

8. How about your hair color?

“ Oh yes that is harder to tell in different lights. Its dark red, like good wine or blood from the liver .”

9. Have you any family members?

“ I have tons. If you meant blood relation… other than my twin sister i have some distant family. Literally distant even, like few and far between, out in the world. Some of us exchange awesome birthday gifts some years though, regardless of the exact date. Who has time to time that. “

(Scattered by the wind, but firmly standing like the trees)

10. Oh? What about pets?

“ Sadly animals are deadly afraid of me. It takes just a sniff to run for dear life… Even predators… it takes a special blend of proud and crazy to befriend me it seems. I would kill for such treasures. Like that Hart i once fought for an apple in that deep forest and lately rode to far destinations… i think it starts to get even attached!!! If he sticks around im gonna call him Captain. But remember, Dont go close to him! For your dear life, please dont. He is easy to recognize. Big as a mountain and looks like “Oh, Shit”. “

(’Where to, Captain?’)

11. That’s cool I guess, now tell me about something you don’t like.

“ Those things are about to change. Or drop in numbers significantly in the world. Just wait. …as truly as i want to mean that, unfortunately some things never change. Like the darkness in people, festering hearts. There will always be things like betrayal, prejudice, hatred, discrimination, envy, greed, cruelty,... i could go on. People who mostly keep themselves above those shades of their nature are all worth to be protected.“

12. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?

“ Oh there are so many awesome things in the world and so many exciting things to do! I cant even count them. Like there’s hunting dragons for one! Speaking of hunting, there is also treasure hunt and demon hunt and manhunt and wyvernhunt and countless others, the bigger and meaner the better! But then theres also MAGIC! Do you have any idea how awesome that is? Everything magic and everything it touched. Putting together and using magic objects for so many things! And spells??? Potions, lotions, weapons... And there are also PEOPLE! The most magical thing is the warm light in ones heart. And they are so various and unique! There are different languages and codes and symbols and oh the stories! And dance and music and pleasures and laughing and caring and helping and…. oh … haha… im sorry, are you awake? Please ask away. “

(’Ah, what a beautiful day!’)

13. Ever hurt anyone before?

“ I think you snoozed off and forgot about my profession already. :)  “

14. Ever… killed anyone before?

“ Hahaha oh these sharp and pointy things and stuff arent for chopping and cooking vegetables either.”

15. What kind of animal are you?

“Pfffft i am my own species! Hehe! A unique hybrid i guess! But definitely a big animal, yes. Sis’ won that argument long ago, so there you have the answer. “

16. Name your worst habits.

“Hmm? What?” (*Muffs out with one of the interviewers -already leafed through-notebooks between his sharp teeth, booth on table...*) Hey! That is… how did you… *sigh*... nevermind  

(exhibit 99: ‘”I’ll go straight there!”)

17. Do you look up to anyone at all?

“My sister, definitely. She is the best. She is indestructible in every way i swear! Gotta be the strongest person alive. She is also really cool. But hot. I mean explosive! Not that shes not hot, technically... she is my female version after all haha. And caring for me with great big sister love (*mumble*:even if i am like 5 minutes older), but dont spread that ;) Might harm her notoriety.  I also look up to several of my tutors and many other people for many different reasons. People can be so many kinds of amazing.”

18. Gay, straight, or bisexual?

“You can not expect me to label my interests in a world full of so many differently beautiful people with warm hearts.”

19. Do you go to school?

“Yes. Life. 24/7. Got less intense since i learned how to survive and sustain myself, and grew a strong body to back up my needs and will, but there are always new things to learn and lessons you never asked for too. I had some actual teachers along the way too, but lately mostly i just teach myself what i dont just encounter by diving into new things. Which is not only fun by the way, you are bound to learn a few things. Then there are books, theories, researching, digging, honing instincts and reflexes, combining and refining techniques or theories, trial and error... Life is a bottomless school “

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

“Wow, wow, you mean like.. babies? Sweet Fade, i wouldnt dare breathe their way, they are so fragile... little young PEOPLE, persons who arrived so recently and understand so little and cant even tell whats up just cry and i cant understand them, i understand every language but i can not understand babies for my life and ... and... thats terrifying! And do you have any idea how EASY it is to kill someone? And then there is that small bundle of vulnerability, my proximity could be lethal to it! And .... *sigh*... sorry just... It all would depend on that special person i might find who would want to keep me for life, for better or worse, and if they wanted kids... even if babies, i would be on board. I would do anything for that special someone. Even learn baby care... Bigger kids, well, i already have :D . In good care. If any of them were to be taken under my constant and indirect care, would depend on a lot of things. Right now they are much safer otherwise.”

21. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?

“Most certainly ;D.But none of them know much about me, of course. With that comes a transformation of those feelings”

22. What are you most afraid of?

‘Im not afraid of ANYTHING!” *eyes instantly betraying* “Fine, fine, gotta be loss. Ironic, isnt it, for i have but what is on my person. Replaceable come and goes. Im mostly afraid of losses that arent even really “mine”, but others. Loved ones or even barely known ones loosing their lives or their light. Loosing my sister, myself, my heart... that is all i am. The only thing i cannot live without is my heart, i AM my heart, and loosing pieces of it or have it broken or freezing through a hole... I hate how selfish that is. But yeah. There you go. I still tend to leave pieces of it everywhere, and it only grows with that, funny how that works, but it also tends to get wounded on every turn. I fear the numbing cold. I fear the day when i cant hold it together and go on anymore.”

(from “When you are away”)

23. What do you usually wear?

“What you see is my whole wardrobe, hahah. But i shift and change to blend in from the dirt of Orzammar’s dust town to the shining halls of Orlesian palaces. Its fun.  What i like to wear mostly are well covering clothes, that allow a great scale of mobility, but not baggy to catch on things. Made of high quality materials only. My clothes MUST be of great quality materials, more for comfort than durability. Heightened overall senses arent always fun. Oh and for outer wear i like leather, especially dragonskin stuff for light armor, and long boots are the only footwear i acknowledge, some with high heels, and a matching pair of long gloves from soft fine leather are necessary too. Long coats from mostly leather and all the necessary leather straps and harnesses and pouches and belt too of course. If it counts, all my current favorite necklaces with magical pendants and bracelets are a constant wear too. It also doesnt hurt if my clothes look great. But fine materials tailored to my body and my needs usually bring that effect without further touches.”

(*his gear gotta let his smooth ass move*)

24. Do you love someone?

“I love all good people. ...and some others”

25. When was the last time you wet yourself?

"Bahahahhahaa now thats some blunt question! It deserves to be answered truthfully. I wish i could say when i was a baby, but truth is i think it happened a few times during the wilder rides of intense poison training with blood magic assistance, but im not really sure, i was barely conscious through those parts from pain and all kinds of nasty sensations, i came to my senses naked and tucked in after them. I never do extreme limit pushing training alone. There were also times when i was subject to some blood spells and experiments unwilling too. I have some suspicious blurry memories that i have made all sorts of messes. Egh. Lets move on to more fun questions”

26. Well, it’s not over yet!

“Perfect!”

27. What class are you? (High class, middle class, low class)

“I live outside of such systems. But i took part in every class during my life, thanks to current families or goals.”

28. How many friends do you have?

“Plenty, but one cant have too many. Helping each other goes a long way. I tend to make some friends everywhere i go, but i have few close friends. The closest one is my sis’. She knows me more than i know myself, and she is always there for me, at any cost.”

29. What are your thoughts on pie?

“Pie? One of the most fun cakes. It was invented for throwing i swear!”

30. Favourite drink?

“Hmmmm... old, red wine, hot and seasoned, spiced with a nice kick of that special antivan poison blend. I dont recommend you trying it, but you dont know what you’re missing out.”

31. What’s your favourite place?

“Wherever i am welcome.”

(*one favorite place example. It is not Where, it is Who*)

32. Are you interested in someone?

“I am interested in everyone. Are you fishing for some special interest?”

33. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?

“Hahahha oh you never disappoint! Well, it was a long time ago when i last i wore a bra, back when i could still pull off the young girl appearance, to get in paces and so on. I always made sure to have a proportional but quite evident bosom. Oh it was such fun, my long hair helped too, and i dished out that act spot on! Like that time in Val Royeaux, when the heads i turned waltzing in as part of a rich antivan court were spinning all around in frantic search in the chaos, while i walked right out as a male servant. Oh sorry, i got distracted. You also asked about my “willy” if i recall correctly. If you would like to measure it so badly we can discuss that later ;) “

34. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

“Hmmm.... whichever promises more sunk treasures and secrets. Some lakes hide quite the surprises let me tell you.”

(’Looks like a perfect place for some diving..’)

35. What’s your type?

“My type of what, exactly, dear? ;)”

36. Any fetishes?

“I am very flexible in many ways, let me tell you, in case you are planning to bend me to your will. And if id have some suggestions, well, let it remain a little mystery for now ;p”

37. Seme or uke? Top or Bottom? Dominant or Submissive?

“Depends. What would you like me to be?”

38. Camping or indoors?

“Nothing beats a warm bed and a well secured resting place. Especially with my... condition, and experiences”

39. Are you wanting the interview to end?

“Are you kidding me? You have such awkward, uncomfortable questions... Let me get a new round of drinks for us and lets do this till morning!” “What do you mean new round... when did this cup of hot wine get here? It has my name on it??? What the... I better go i think.”

40. Now it’s over!

“What? Oh come on, we just got to some really “embarrassing” parts! Talking about “embarrassing”, would you like to hear the story of my encounter with this qounari dreadnought captain and ended up on board to Ostwick? Maybe you can tell me some stories yourself too in exchange..” *puppy eyes+shining grin combo* “Well, im not exactly in a hurry...” “Excellent!” *shifts closer and pours more wine*

I tag @quizzikemen @pelle-lavellan @hadiden-lavellan @sakurabunnie @elalavella @nipuni and everyone who wants to do it! For those who already did this consider this a tag for another OC! Gotta love them all :D (if you feel like doing it. I always feel like reading it)

[ataris-lantern]

i get what ur saying but imo its not really about joel taking ellie’s agency. the fireflies were clearly in the wrong. from the way ellie (and joel) talk in p1 they clearly were not aware that ellie would not survive the operation. hell, the fireflies didn’t even know until they did some tests. yes they should have woken her up, but again, if you truly believed you had the cure to mankinds greatest enemy at this point, would you really? anyways, yeah, joel isnt like evil or some bullshit because he saved ellie. he is by no means a good person (hunter days cough cough) but this is by far one of the best things hes done that we know of. yes he took away ellies agency, but like you said she wasn’t in a place to really grasp the gravity of the situation.

however, that’s i don’t think thats really the point? the point is ellies reaction to it. of course she’s upset by the fact that, in her mind, the one thing that could help others & stop others from dying so brutally like everyone has before in her life has been shit all over. but really i think its the fact that joel lied so completely about it. joel is really one of the only people she trusts & he just fucking lies to her face about something so monumental in her life. do i think that he did it for a bad reason? no of course not. he wants to protect her at all costs, even from herself. thats a huge betrayal of trust no matter the reason. i think as she ages she understands that she alone won’t lead to a cure (ie: scene with dina where she says i can’t get you infected but i can’t make you immune either), but emotions aren’t rational. some part of her still believes it even it it doesn’t make sense. as we see, joel is also very protective of ellie. growing up, having overbearing parents like that is just suffocating. even if they mean well, you want space. from her perspective, this one guy who’s like your dad not only prevented you from being “useful” & lied to you about it, hes actively covering it up AND still treating you like a little child despite what you’ve gone through.

when joel admits that he’d do it over again, and he agrees to back off, is when she wants to start fixing the relationship. she knows that joel did what he did because he loves her with every fiber of his being. no, she can’t forgive him because that “what if?” will always be a lingering question, one that joel prevented from ever possibly being answered. but, she just needed time to understand how deeply he cares - that she would probably do the same thing if it were someone she loved. it was never about objectivity but rather how an individual’s experiences shapes the way they interact with others, the world, and themselves. ellies entire reaction in p2 is because she’s had basically no control of her life. she was in the militant FEDRA school. but then she goes with joel & meets people, bonds with them, and then they are also taken away without her control. joel, the one person she trusted at this point, took away a chance for her life to “mean something” in her eyes, no matter the morality. but, working towards forgiving joel? that was purely her choice. finally she gets to fix at least something, but again, that choice is taken away. the difference being that this time she actually can punish the people who hurt her, and thus obsesses over it

yes, p2 was kind of a gorefest, but it was to reflect ellies inner emotional intensity and torment. ND said they’re already working on p3, and i do think they’re going to give ellie a chance to heal and close out her story. the ending of p2 seems to indicate that to me. your criticisms are valid but i think too many people are just looking objectively. ellie’s a teenager (already a shit time) in a terrifying and meaningless world, where therapy or emotional discussion just isn’t thing. the one thing that makes her special apparently doesn’t make her special. Joel doesnt talk to ellie because he’s trying to keep a huge secret & he is emotionally constipated. ellie doesn’t talk to joel because she feels invalidated & like joel is just trying to exert control & the fact that she probably feels she can’t trust him because of the lie. of fucking course she doesn’t grow to understand his intentions until later

I have a bit of a hot take regarding tlou/tlou2 which is that sometimes a parent will make a decision that goes against a child's wishes for their own wellbeing. I've heard it said "What parent wouldn't make the choice Joel did" and I think it relates to that, taking in everything with the fireflies and that Ellie is A Child, I think Joel was in the right to make that choice for her. I hope this doesn't come across as dismissive of Ellie, because I'm more trying to think of it from the point of view of a parent. Sorry this was so long.

i honestly think this is a very normal take and any to the contrary i find so baffling lol. like look we can debate all day about whether joel did the morally right or wrong thing in terms of the wider world and in regards to his lying too. i personally think he lied to alleviate ellie of this burden she was carrying that she personally had to save the world to make it up to her loved ones that they died and she didn’t. in the context of him telling her that he’d struggled with surviving but you had to find something to live for i can see his wish for her to not carry that burden cus ofc as a parent you wouldn’t want that and for me i think it’s a bit of a superficial take to say he saved her and then lied out of selfishness cus he couldn’t bear to lose her bcus whilst yes it benefits him too, i don’t see that as his primary reasoning - I think this is backed up too when he tells ellie that he’d do the whole thing again. that’s so striking to me cus the (stupid) consequence of his actions was losing a kid for a second time but despite that pain, knowing that consequence, he’d do it again. doesn’t smack of selfishness for me, i think that’s incredibly selfless of him actually considering he’d lost a kid before and took so long to get over it. but that’s MY interpretation and everyone’s will be different and i can at least acknowledge that.

but this continued nonsense about joel doing the wrong thing for ellie when he saved her bcus he was taking away her agency makes me want to die actually. it’s so fucking weird. ellie is ready to die bcus of TRAUMA. and that’s not actually a good reason to let a 14yr old kid die. if we wanna talk about agency/autonomy let’s talk about how the fireflies were attempting to manipulate/exploit ellie’s trauma and survivor’s guilt in order to justify what they were going to with her, cus that’s far more fucked up and is what ACTUALLY takes away ellie’s agency. it so fucking exploitative. ‘you know she’d want this’ well first of all then at least have the decency to actually ask her and second of all yeah i think she’d have agreed to it but wanting to out of guilt and trauma isn’t actually a free choice lol? and there should be no fucking debate on that. joel absolutely did the right thing to stop them.

i think a big part of this agency/autonomy thing is a result of part 2 lol. i think it’s easy to use it as some war cry to justify why joel had absolution coming to him and deserved to be beaten to death the disgusting way he was. almost as though it’s some sort of justification for abby and liking her. joel had it coming blah blah he stole the cure from the world and he took away ellie’s agency go abby!! which is just bullshit imo but what can you do.

what i think is the biggest shame of all is that part 2, in its attempt to justify a complete estrangement between joel and ellie so that her suffering would be Worse when he died (cus they didn’t give her enough trauma in that horrible game), went with this idea of ellie being mad that joel took away her chance to have a life that mattered. that fucking sucks for me cus she’s my favourite character and i wanted more for her. i wanted to see her overcome that trauma and let go of her guilt by realising it wasn’t her fault her friends died and i most of all wanted her to realise her life ALWAYS mattered and that’s why joel saved her. instead ofc the narrative wouldn’t work unless we had 25 hours of it being shoved down our throats that joel was so Wrong for saving ellie that they didn’t examine his actions and the reasons with any nuance or care, it was just so superficial and boring and heavy handed. how sad that at 14 ellie was ready to die bcus of trauma and thought her life didn’t matter/have value unless she was a cure and at 19 she still thought her life didn’t matter cus she wasn’t a cure. she deserved better. from the narrative AND this fandom that, if they actually cared about her as a character, wouldn’t keep banging on about joel taking away her agency/autonomy and would have wanted to see the same growth in her i wanted to see instead of thinking it’s some great masterpiece that she’s completely stagnant, even after she’s been tortured relentlessly for 25 straight hours lmao. i find it all so bizarre to see ppl claim to care about ellie but don’t see anything wrong with how the devs treated her in order to tell their misery porn story. these are the same ppl who so patronisingly write on this app about how they’re ‘the real fans’ (ive had this directed to me personally) cus they were sooooo clever to understand part 2 lmfaoooo.

anyway this got away from me and was far bitchier in parts than id intended it to be ajsjjs it just Grinds My Gears when this agency crap comes up cus it’s ridiculous BUT yes i agree with you completely.

[koorinohebi]

lotus

Botanical Headcanons || Accepting

If there was ever a time when Kiomi felt reborn, then it was probably during the first time when she ran into Orochimaru.

As a child who had just lost her family and her home, all that she could do was to follow the last words of the kind that she'd lost--to survive. So that was what she did. It didn't matter where her feet took her next, so long as she could find a means to keep herself alive day after day after day.

Orphaned and alone, the desperation sank, morals were thrown out the window. Kiomi couldn't keep living that sheltered life that she had back when her family was still alive. Being coy along the side of the street, begging for what little scraps others had was not enough. Going through other people's trash, literally eating snow for water, well...that wasn't enough either. So she steeled her resolve to the best of her abilities, and decided to learn how to use any object that she could find as a weapon...so that she could steal. Taking food from small stalls was a trial and error that often got her beaten up, but eventually, she had learned little tricks to outrun the owners. For passersby, she had to be extra careful, and proceed only when it seems ideal. However, when one's stomach was growling from the rawness of hunger, it's the stomach that thinks, not the brain. And of all the people to try and rob, it just happened to be Orochimaru. Who could have killed her then and there for the attempt. But he didn't. Whether it was out of pity or amusement, or due to the reckless abandon of someone so young, the sannin saw it as an investment for a future time. So he offered her a place to call home, and the rest was history.

To be honest, in verses where Kiomi doesn't end up influenced by Jiraiya's teachings, she wouldn't have cared for a fresh start. She already had that when she was taken into Otogakure, so she really couldn't ask for anything more. Orochimaru was her savior and whatever teachings he had for her, she would consume greedily in order to one day prove her worth and be someone who was needed by him. She just wants to be useful to Orochimaru...even when she became a little more rebellious (mostly due to the whole Sasuke ordeal). Growing up, Kiomi wasn't blind to the kind of place that Otogakure was. There were so many people there like her who was saved by the Snake Sannin, that it wasn't too surprising to learn that being under his command had its own trade offs-- being expendable was just one of them. And she doesn't mind. After all, he saved her when she was so desperate to stay alive. In her opinion, Orochimaru had every right to use her, even at the cost of the life that she tried to preserve.

Now, in verses where she meets Jiraiya and she gets influenced by his teachings and world view, things do change. She often makes comparisons between him and her lord inside her mind, and cant believe that a person like Jiraiya actually exists. (Because she's trained to be a tool, she often has feelings where she's less than human. Which, again, is fine by her. It's easier to get in kills that way.) Again, the Toad Sage treats her like an actual human being, which confuses her...but she realizes it's not a bad thing. Through his kindness, he sees that the kind of compassion she and the others get from Orochimaru was self serving. Jiraiya teaches her the value of human life, and she begins to wonder if the blood on her hands had been worth it.

Wanting a fresh start, or wanting a better understanding of the world around her normally depends on the guidance that she gets.

As for wanting to understand herself better....when it comes to her abilities, she thinks it's pretty normal to want to understand how her body works. What it can and cant do. Which is why she doesnt mind undertaking experimentations. However, when it comes to emotions, she would rather just close the hatchet and bury it somewhere where it can't be touched upon. Learning about her own emotions have many many repercussions that she's too cowardly to face. She's just not ready for that kind of responsibility. Or rather, she doesn't want to be.

[summerisityou]

The person that used to mean the world to me just got married. And i. Weirdly felt off about it. I wanted to cry. I wanted to be sad. Even i made a miserable playlist yet..i didnt cry even just a bit. And i was angry about it. I was in rage. I was annoyed. This whole time i thought my relationships were all fucked up because i was still in love with him. But it turns out...i wasnt. I just been channelling all these horrible thing in me to him. I wanted to feel better about myself so i thought about it like that. Like i was still in love with him. But now i get the whole truth. I cant help but wonder. Its me isnt it. The problematic one. Its always been me.

Later on. Only about a day later i know more. I lost more of my object on channelling my pain. My family. They really like to joke about me trying to kill myself, joke about me for being sick like this. Yet they angry when i got angry telling me im a monster my whole life. They told me im full of anger but dont they ever think for a second that im hurt too, did it ever occur to them that i..m tired living a life like this. Im dying to heal too yet they wont even let me. My sister just joked about it, she and my mom laughing telling me i took all the bad traits from everyone. My sister laughed out lout saying im taking after my mother, playing with knives, trying to kill ourselves.

But then i realize. My mom, she doesnt remember it at all. I think she has dissociative disorder that she doesnt remember she tried to stab herself million times. Forced me to stab her. Then tried to kill me. Maybe thats why shes able to live. She wouldnt live through the guilt if she remembered. Thats why shes not. But then. Im the only one remember. Im the only one in pain. I told them million times i dont like that suicide jokes. It pains me too you know. I mean. I was so ready to die at such young age doesnt that...sad? I dont need them to understand. But just. I dont feel good about it either why have to laugh about it all the time. Will they stop once i really die?

Everyday its just feel like they push me to the edge, to the brink of death. Forcing me to jump. Saying die, die. Why dont you die already. Yet they condemn me also if i jumped..

"Damned if you died damned if you didnt die", i think to myself.

Its pretty hilarious isnt it. I dont even know how to take my life seriously. Its too much of a joke. I still remember every single time my mom taking my hand, forcing it in a knife, pulling it to her body. Forcing me to kill her. And i still remember she tried to kill me. Tried to drive that knife to my body. I still remember it clearly like it was yesterday how hard i fought. How hard i cried. How much blood in my hands. How...much i wish i didnt survive

How can i live, not even my family wants me, i dont even actually have a reason to live. I still remember all those time years ago i hid in the back of my door, hid in every corner in my house when my mom called my name. Feeling that terrified everyday. Having a dad that i used to think cared about me until he saw me with his eyes got hit by a car and still leaving anyway

One parent literally try to kill me and one parent literally let me die and a sister that seems hellbent to drive me to kill myself. And all those people i lost. What makes me ever have the courage to think i can live a better life? What makes me think i could have the privilege to have my world ok again someday?

You wont little girl, you wont. Youll die a miserable and lonely death at one point. And its just the road. Everyone needs to take.

Its wrong for me to try to find a reason to live isnt it. Dont. Dont get your own hope highs up. Some people just. Dont fit in. To live. Dont you dare to try.