#it's all so annoying and frustrating

[naomiknight-17]

As some of you may know, I started losing weight because I have health issues I wanted to address.

Now, I didn't believe that losing weight would FIX those issues, mind you. It's just that every time I told my doctor something like

"My periods are really really heavy and painful"

Or

"My lower back pain is crippling, some days I can't even get out of bed on my own"

Or

"I get out of breath so easily, sometimes when I'm not even doing anything"

Or

"My depression is so bad I don't have the motivation to do the most basic and important tasks"

The answer was always "Lose weight. Lose weight. Lose weight. Lose weight."

I have lost at least 55 lbs.

My periods are only under control because my gynecologist diagnosed my severe endometriosis and got me on then-experimental meds that stopped my cycle.

My back still regularly flares up and disables me. I had a bout of breathlessness so severe at my last cardiac rehabilitation class that one of the nurses came to check on me thinking I needed medical help. My psychiatrist retired over a year ago and left me on a low dose of antidepressants and said I was fine even tho I'd told him I was not.

But only now, now that I've lost some weight, only now was my doctor like "Huh. Maybe you can take some painkillers. Try this kind. Let me know how you feel in a month. That breathing problem does sound unusual, here's a referral to a cardiologist, and if they don't find anything I'll send you to a respiratory specialist. Try this different antidepressant on top of the one you're taking."

"How strange that you are unwell when you are eating right and exercising and doing everything you are supposed to"

Maybe. Maybe I would not be so unwell if you addressed my symptoms, oh I dunno, 2+ years and 55+ pounds ago. Just a thought

I am glad she is finally taking my illnesses seriously but I should not have had to lose weight for her to do that. I should not have had to suffer untreated for years because she did not think I was taking good care of myself

Fat people (and I am still very fat, for the record!) really do have more trouble getting the most basic fucking medical care I swear to god

[ganondoodle]

since tumblr always has to suffer my personal vents and breakdowns and rants and annoyances you get the most wips and pics of unfinished stuff, im sure that makes up for it

the (unfinished) shiekah arm concepts that made me want to explode and i dont think im gonna work on again

[xxthunderthedragonxx]

its not hard to click someones profile before you follow them btw

[maria-ruta]

I'm having a bad mood today

Would you draw my blorbo for me please?

[ceaselessims]

okay this may be an unpopular opinion but i really don't care bc im just very annoyed lmao

the one huge criticism of malevolent that i have is tied to the reason the show is so impressive and that's the fact that harlan does all the voices.. because he does all the voices, the female characters that aren't elderly or monstrous can only be alluded to

but there are still female characters that hold significant importance that can only be mentioned of in passing , and one of them is, of course, nurse Lilly who was the first person to show john human compassion while arthur was in a coma

john consistently references how Lilly's kindness was so transformative for him that it was the start of how he genuinely changes his perspective and identity once arthur awakens,, BUT WE DONT GET TO SEE HER OR HEAR HER and it's a little annoying for john to constantly mention this time period and this nurse as something So Important, but everything happened off screen in season one

and like ?! idk !! from an audience (read: my) perspective he has been through more important and difficult things with Arthur and other characters... to keep coming back to Lilly, whom we never saw as like THEEEEE moment he learned humanity is starting to really drive me a little crazy

i GET that narratively john needs something other than arthur as exposure to the kindness of humans. as a character he needs more motivation than just one very flawed person that he cannot be separated from. but to hear john say he loves lilly in today's episode was so jarring to me !!

and maybe i'm at a disadvantage here. maybe because i started like a few weeks ago and i haven't been here from the jump, im missing some greater context for her character and what she represents in the overall story that can only come from knowing a story front-to-back for a couple years but fuck

[ygodmyy20]

I’m sick today.

[rawliverandgoronspice]

anyway to end the series on ganondorf tp's writing, my take (which isn't canon but arguable as a valid "death of the author" read imo) is that he is at his most iredeemable AND that's because he has zero things left to lose and no community left and his goal doesn't even make sense anymore he is parasitic and a ghost and pathologically obsessed by his own godlike legitimacy because that is the only thing he still has and it has prolonged his life in a horrible diminished state in a nightmare dimension so SURELY it must mean something right right RIGHT

[dykedvonte]

Mini rant below and in the tags, the only time I’ll talk about this and my personal take on it.

The way people talk about hypothetical male Anya on Twitter and the idea of how Mouthwashing would play out if the genders were swapped makes me remember how people still don’t take sexual assault and rape with male victims with the same gravity, especially when the perpetrator is female.

[3416]

x com/joesnicky/status/1868753917515120960 “hockey twitter gif discourse again” and all the replies are twitter accounts going ITS JUST MOVING IMAGES ITS NOT THAT SERIOUS I COULD SEE THEM ON MY TV SCREEN. zerooo respect for gifmakers

oh i legit got into it a couple months back about that and had a whole bunch of 16 yr olds who have spent 0 time doing anything creative or productive for fandoms trying to ratio me abt it, so i just stopped posting my gifs on there like lol. good gifmaking will die out some day and everyone will have to stick with their blurry run-through-a-website shit or videos themselves, but i hate that account and everyone that's so catty abt people ~daring to ask for credit~ on smth they took the time to make like lol. the whole 'it's not your video.' well yeah no duh, the people who made it got PAID to do that. the least you could do for people who spend time and resources to make it accessible and fun to rewatch/look at for FREE is credit or not be a bitch but. twitter and even ppl on here these days are incapable of that. it's so goofy too bc on a platform like twitter... quotetweeting exists... so you can just. quote the initial person who made it with whatever joke you want to make or WHATEVER instead of saving and reposting. like it is SO stupid to me. every person who makes things gets that they don't Own the source material, but it's the right thing to do to credit ppl.

social media will eventually become just ppl talking at each other with 0 creativity or insight to add to anything bc they will run off creators of every kind. i see writers frustrated. i see fanartists frustrated. everyone's tired of the flippancy and entitlement bred on the internet these days. yeah gifmaking doesn't necessarily take As Long as other forms of fandom contribution (unless ur computer is a dinosaur like mine in which case it sometimes does), but it still is a set of skills and a process that most ppl don't know how/aren't willing to do to create an end product we can all enjoy without having to Save full videos of smth or go recall the whole game/video/whatever up. it's depressing to see and it will make me mad every time. the idea that the onus is on the creator and not just ppl to learn to be mindful of where they get shit like... you can tell who was raised on the better internet and who's brain is being morphed by this current wasteland.

[unfortunatelyilikebnha]

Bnha makes me so mad because it could’ve been good. It had a lot of good aspects. But in the end none of them were satisfyingly resolved so it just feels bad.

[fujii-draws]

OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.

[zeezu-ix]

job hunting will never not be a miserable experience <3

[good-beanswrites]

If you're still taking requests, could I ask for Futa finding our that Yuno was lying about getting beaten up in her first interrogation?

You sure can 👀👀👀👀 Omg, I'm a fake 02-03 fan, how have I never thought about that moment before? I assumed he'd know eventually, but for someone who's so honest (and likely already has issues with a disloyal friend group) an actual confession would be so painful... Thank you so much for the request, it reminded me how much I loved writing these two ;--;

“I can’t believe it!” Fuuta laid across Yuno’s bed, staring up at the ceiling. “I can’t fucking believe it!”

“Ooh~ is this about Shidou-san?” Yuno stepped out of a pair of shoes, grabbing another. She walked back and forth with accessories she’d requested or borrowed from the others. After scrutinizing them in the mirror, she’d try on something else. 

“Of course it is! Why aren’t you freaking out about this?”

It was a rhetorical question, she knew. This was one of those times Fuuta wasn’t really listening to anything except the rant in his own head. It could be annoying, but between him and Mahiru, Yuno actually enjoyed the chance to sit back and let someone else take over the conversation. 

“He comes out of his interrogation, casually laughing about the warden being young and kicking him, then expects us to be okay with it? That makes four out of five interrogations someone got hurt! It’s a good thing I showed them they can’t fuck with someone like me, eh? But a pushover like Shidou gets abused and laughs! Argh!” 

Fuuta sat up suddenly, trying to find somewhere to put his anger. He caught Yuno’s eye through the mirror. “There’s no way this is legal, locking us up with some violence-crazed warden! You know what I just keep thinking about, every day?”

Yuno gave a small “hm?” knowing he’d tell her anyway. She turned her eyes away, pretending to fix the ribbon in her hair. It was becoming less and less enjoyable to sit back and let him talk, this time. She was starting to see where this conversation would end. She knew what she needed to do.

“I just keep thinking, what are we going to do about Mahiru?”

“What do you mean?”

She was met with a dumbfounded look. 

“We can’t just let her go in there by herself! Haruka and Shidou have some size and strength on Es, so like a coward they only showed a bit of force. But they know you and Muu were much smaller and weaker, so they really took it out on you both. I mean, I could hear Muu crying during her interrogation, and she came out still sniffling. Whatever the hell happened, it can’t be good. Just think of what’ll happen to Mahiru if we leave her alone in there! I’ve started thinking about what we can do.”

She laughed, picking up a headband. “Fuuta, you can’t do anything. It’s not like you’d be able to break in during the interrogation. I’m sure Mahiru-san will be just fine.”

“You can’t be sure, in a place like this. I’ve been thinking about this! I was even talking to Kotoko, and we think it’s possible to sneak in beforehand.”

“And if you get caught? What if you get Mahiru-san in more trouble?”

It was all she could think to say. She knew the truth had to come out eventually, but if there was a chance she could calm Fuuta down and avoid a fight altogether, she’d take it. Yuno wasn’t afraid of him. However, just because he was all bark and no bite didn’t make his bite any easier to handle. If she was putting the pieces together correctly, it still did end up killing someone…

Instead of slowing down, his face lit up with even more intensity. He leapt to his feet, appearing behind Yuno in the mirror. “See, that’s where my backup plan comes in! We’ll get the others involved. An interrogation will be the perfect time to stage a riot because –”

“Oh, Fuuta.”

“– I mean it! How are they and that stupid rabbit going to stop all of us, huh? It’s high time we stood up to this injustice! Give that brat a taste of their own medicine –”

“Just, listen for a second.”

“– We won’t use any violence or anything! Unlike them, we’re above that. Just give them a good scare, and demand that they –”

“Fuuta.”

“What?” He sounded exasperated, but paused to let her speak. She hadn’t raised her voice; he was learning to tell when she was serious.

“There’s... something I need to tell you.” Her tone made it clear that this would be a pretty weighty confession. Annoyance flashed across his face, like is now really the time for this? 

Yuno turned to face him. She reached for his hands, knowing the wonders a bit of physical contact can do. Fuuta just rolled his eyes as he tore his hands away. She was constantly reminded that her usual tricks didn’t work on him. She also reminded herself, however, that it was a relief. She didn’t feel like holding hands now.

“I… I wasn’t honest about my interrogation. Es didn’t touch me. They were actually really calm, and we had a good conversation. They didn’t want the others to hear that and just walk all over them, so I promised to tell the story they came up with. I heard Muu talking, and she didn’t face any violence either. She was just scared.”

“You – she – what?” Fuuta sputtered on his words. His face turned a few shades redder than it already had been in his excitement.

“The lie wasn’t supposed to be a big deal, or drag out this long. Definitely not to the point of inspiring a prison riot, oh god. I felt bad that you even went after Es because of it–”

“Yeah!” His voice rose. “I stood up to them for you! I coulda gotten punished for that!”

“No, Es knew why you did it, so I’m sure they never would have –”

“You can’t be sure!” He turned to pace the cell, emotion leaking out in sudden pitches in his voice, or a hand jerking up in wild gestures. “So when were you planning on telling me? Or were you just going to lie to my face for another few months?”  She could see the gears turning in his head – all the arguments and comebacks and insults he was formulating. “And what else have you been lying to me about?” 

That’s when she noticed that the look in his eyes wasn’t one of rage. Nor was the blood in his cheeks. Though he was indeed angry, he was also dealing with the embarrassing truth of being lied to for months.

“I haven’t lied about anything else,” she assured him. She bowed her head. “And I won’t. I’m so sorry. It was supposed to be something quick that everyone forgot about. Once they had their interrogation and had their own impression of the warden, no one would think about it.”

“You expect me to believe a shitty excuse like that? Why would we all just forget?”

“Fuuta…” She smiled sadly. “Everyone did forget. You’re the only one who still talks about it. You’re the only one who’s done anything in response. I felt so guilty you’d put yourself out like that, for me, someone you barely met.” 

Yuno paused. She hadn’t meant to use any flattery to steer the conversation. She was supposed to just tell him the truth and leave it at that.

But this wasn’t flattery. She was still speaking the truth. “Everyone else did exactly what I expected, except you. You stood up for me. I don’t take that lightly, okay? I’m grateful.”

Fuuta’s eyes burned with more fury. He jabbed a pointing finger at her.

“You’re right!” 

“...eh?”

“Those bastards didn’t do a single thing! They heard a young girl got abused and they just let it happen? They tried laughing it off? How dare they!” He whirled around. “Oh, I’m gonna give them a –”

Yuno grabbed the back of his uniform “You aren’t going to do anything. If you get everyone riled up now, it’ll be for nothing, remember? But you can’t tell. I still promised Es I’d keep their secret through the first trial.”

“Tch, you don’t owe them shit.”

“If you tell, you’ll get me in trouble. Please.” She let go of him. “Can I trust you with this?”

He kept his back to her. “You didn’t before.”

“You’re right.” She wasn’t the type to waffle around with excuses.

She started putting away her things. It was almost mealtime, and she didn’t have the heart to continue, anyway. Through the mirror, she watched Fuuta hang around the doorway. His expression shifted through emotions that Yuno couldn’t quite put her finger on. All his fire was fizzling out.

“Just… you swear it won’t happen again?” 

“I swear.”

Fuuta nodded. Then, a grin. “And you swear I can tell them off after this trial ends?”

She returned the smirk. “One promise at a time, ’kay?”

[rkmaru]

How it started VS how it ended

[cecoeur]

In one of your last asks, you asked in the tags if it was hypocritical for you to point out how RBR are basically using VCARB as a rookie mill now that Daniel is not on the team, and just wanted to pop up to say you’re NOT hypocritical at all.

I really wish someone in f1 media would grow a backbone and bring Horner, Mekkies and Bayer’s OWN quotes to them from the start of the year. They all swore up and down that VCARB was no longer a junior team but a stand-alone, serious, sister-team. THAT was the justification and the utility of bringing Daniel into it. He was the experienced driver that was essentially leading the project.

And it shows that he was literally DOING the job they asked him to. VCARB went from dead last in the WCC to 6th in the standings. I’ll never get tired of saying it, but RBR could have played this all so differently by highlighting Daniel being in the team to help get them off the ground and lend some much needed developmental experience and consistency.

Instead, they let him be raked over the coals in the media while the car bounced back and forth so wildly in terms of their development. Both he and yuki’s performance was inconsistent because the car itself, along with the team’s identity and direction, was inconsistent. It’s not Daniel’s fault that half-way through the season, Marko went off his meds and decided to fuck the rebrand and go back to it being a junior team.

After that, what was the point in having Daniel there? We know there was no long-term plan to have him there (because really they wanted him to that RBR seat) but when Checo’s sponsors said “not so fast”, it was Daniel that was up a creek without a paddle and no where to go. So, you’re absolutely right in saying that RBR have a little rookie mill and taking up two seats to trial their juniors drivers - AND THEN not even promote them - is weird and warrants calling out.

People are so quick to bitch and cry about how, “we need more seats/teams on the grid” well get rid of Racing Bulls and let Andretti take their place then 🤷🏼‍♀️

🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

Honestly, I don't think they had any super concrete plans, just a couple of glue sticks, an extra 30 million dollars, and a dream. Because of that they poorly messaged the entire operation from the get-go (paul and his pencil continue to get a 0/10 from me in the external communications department) and then they went and further mismanaged the situation because helmut and christian are too busy having the worlds longest slap fight to do anything constructive. Them not really having a plan or a cohesive message is also why it played into redbull's hand to let daniel constantly take the brunt of the media's pressure, so they let it happen. Originally it was daniel being there to be the experienced driver in this sister team project and then it quickly became daniel being there to prove himself to replace checo and everything kind of unraveled from there. They could've stepped in at any time but chose not to (christian contradicting helmut's rants two days later doesn't really count) and honestly, we should've known then that this was a disaster in the making.

Anyway, thanks for validating me but I am self aware enough to admit that it is a teeny tiny bit hypocritical to have been fine with the team when daniel was there and to now say I think their existence should be illegal lol. But to be clear, it is lame that they're allowed to have an extra team for helmut to play barbies with mostly because he's not even good at it.

Finally, you have unwittingly joined me in the sandcastles-in-my-mind that is the Andretti Global F1 team. I have dreams (they're delusional and never happening but oh do I have them).

[kanerallels]

There's absolutely nothing worse than when I get a thousand words into a story and decide that I low key hate it