#it's about stuff irl not online
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everybodys gotta get back into the practice of using pseudonyms online... i remember the time of screen names where u never ever told anyone ur real name and that was just understood as basic internet safety. plus having a screen name is fun because sometimes it sticks so well that it becomes part of ur identity that u can use in whatever facet of ur life you choose. it rocks to pick your own name
#im living proof! i wasnt always called kiwi but now i am and it rocks#but mostly im just worried about all these kids wayyy oversharing personal info online#not to be like aaaggghh kids these days. but.#um people are sharing their full names and schools and deepest secrets with their FACE ATTACHED#i surely dont need to explain why thats scary#tiktok trends where u share stuff you would Never tell people irl.... WITH!!! YOUR FACE!!!!! IN FULL VIEW!!#WHHH.... WHY...........#Get Scared of Internet Strangers Again Please!
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kinda done with existing rn so if I act like pos over the next few days, yell at me
#rnn.p#there is a general pattern in my life where I am not allowed to feel confident or comfortable#bc if I do then either I have forgotten something or I am about to fuck up#and it just happened again#and obviously it's not just that one thing but.... *insert shrug emoji here*#it's about stuff irl not online#but it may leak onto here which is why I'm posting#delete later
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man... i was going through my 15 year old deviantart account and i actually really really miss that site. like tumblr is fun and insta is.. insta... but i dont think since then there's been such an art-focused community with so many people talking to each other and commenting on each others work quite like deviantart
(ofc massive disclaimer that i probably have some rose-tinted vision and the site was full of creeps and pedos... so if we could just have the good parts of it back LMAO)
#i was obsessed with it as a teen and definitely posted some risky stuff that adult me would be like do NOT SHARE THAT ON THE INTERNET#but also it was so nice to have a selection of online art friends#it felt like a proper community which i didnt have irl#nowadays posting art online feels more.. idk? like ur presenting something to an algorithm to make the number go up#i dont care about engagement nearly as much as i used to but its hard not to get pulled in when every fuckin site is like this#deviantart felt more intimate and like youre sharing your art with friends and talking about it#..except there's that one friend who REALLY wants you to draw some feet#s text#anyway a few of you guys still follow me from the deviantart days and just let it be known i remember u and love u and hope life is good <3
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Don't out people as systems. Ever. Not unless you have their explicit permission.
We were out at the mall with the hosts partner, who is also apart of a system. And while talking to a worker, the worker did something and said "oh I'm so stupid, my bad"
And the hosts partner just responds so casually with "oh we're both alter systems, so we've got plenty of stupidity to go around don't worry about it" and gestures between us and them.
It seems so small but it scared us so badly that we ended up in a very painful dissociative state the rest of the day.
If you can be casual about your system to strangers that's great. But never assume that other systems are the same way, regardless of how open they are with you about it.
- ❤️
#sysblr#system shit#did system#pdid system#dissociative system#system#osdd system#system stuff#did#system problems#were open about our system online#not irl#irl only close friends know#its a lot more dangerous for ppl irl to know
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Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye
#the hell am I so anxious about? maybe it’s just overstimulation stuff#hoping it’ll die down because I can’t keep enjoying myself when I’m like this#seriously is starting to mess with my flight responses over the tiniest things#like yea obviously I needed to stay logged out of Tumblr so I would focus more on schoolwork#but uhhhh gonna be transparent and say a huge part of it is the jolts of anxiety :(#like even the thought of logging back here has caused me to feel like sweating#my brain kept saying ‘no I don’t want to I can’t do that’ even when I felt bad for missing out on others posts#like I want to be here so I can support my mutuals dammit!!!#I’m a mess. I’m such a broken mess oh great lovely spectacular#maybe the culminating stress of final exam deadlines is worsening stuff as well#I can’t tell you why I’m like this I just am 🙃#anyways thinking I’ll start adapting to the distance. Sorry but being a shut-in is more appealing right now#I just need time to be with myself and not be so invested in the lives of others#anyways what’s something mildly positive I can wrap this up with so I don’t seem pathetic….#ah yes the final Puzzle sketch here was drawn today before a class period#one of my fellow classmates noticed and audibly asked me ‘is that Mr. Puzzles?’#IT TOOK EVERTHING IN MY WILLPOWER TO NOT LET OUT A GIDDY SHRIEK#Felt like my eyes bulged and I jolted in enthusiasm jskjsksp spontaneous happiness?? actally experiencing the feeling of fitting in??#anyways I responded with a very normal ‘WAIT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM???’ while trying to suppress grinning or going ‘teehee’#anyways now it’s my personal mission to keep initiating conversations with her because AUUUUUGH SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS I’M LOSING IT#proceeded to talk about Murder Drones & TADC like holy SHIT I didn’t think I would ever find animation peeps in my psychology class auuu 😭💜#it’s a MIRACLE man this may be a sign that college won’t be isolating anymore yaaaaayyy#PUZZLE IS SINGLE HANDILY HELPING ME TALK TO PEOPLE BOTH ONLINE AND IRL THIS IS WILD#all hail the best comfort character seriously holy shit—like imagine she never noticed me drawing Puzzles!! I’D STILL BE LONELY AS HELL#okay sorry I’ll stop typing like a teenager and go back to pretending to be well-versed in speech & conducting myself ‘normally’ :3#doodles#sketches#hplonesome art#not tagging with Puzzles because hahaaaaa don’t look at me
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JUST SO YA'LL KNOW I LOVE READING REBLOGS AND REPLIES TO KID LEO AND I WISH I WISH I WISHHH I COULS RESPOND TO THEM ALL CAUSW YOU ALLA RE SO FUNNY AND AMAZINF AND WONDERDUL AND ALWAYS LEACE GREAT COMMWNTS I PROMISE I READ THEM I JUST GET OVERWHELMED AND SOMETIMES MASKING TO REPLY IN A WAY THAT DOESN'T SEEM OUTRIGHT DISMISSIVE IS REALLY HARD CAUSE EVEN THO THEY MAKE ME REALLY HAPPY I JUST DONT HAVE THE WORDS TO EXPRESS IT OKAY GOODNIGHT THANK YOU TO EVERYOBE ALSO THIS APPLIES TO MY NORMAL POSTS I PROMISE I READ THEM I JUST LITERALLY DO NOT HAVE THE WORDS TO REPLY
#2 am thoughts#feeling emotional about it tbh#and a lil guilty but i know realistically i just cant stretch myself thin to reply#even tho i want to#but im v v v v heavy masking irl rn cause of my living situation so if i dont have to online its better for me#masking me and unmasking me are unfortunately two v v different people and its kinda depressing to sww#see the tone shift when i reread comments on old stuff#my own tone shift btw#you all are awesome
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torn between not being able to trust goyim to not be antisemitc anymore unless they really prove me otherwise and going "I guess we'll get along" when they find out I'm Israeli and still treat me like a human being
#like i don't really trust you but as long as we don't talk about politics and i don't follow you outside of discord we should be fine#that being said i don't really use discord as much or make new online friends anymore#because i'm too scared that they will bring up politics or won't treat me like a human being#i mostly use discord to vc with my irl friends now but there are still some online friends i'll talk to once in a while#i'm not very active in fandom spaces anymore because of the antisemitism so ig that's why i don't interact as much#needless to say i do not feel safe online anymore#i don't think being treated with basic human decency on the internet should be a privilege but here we are#it's fucked up but i'm israeli so i don't count and also deserve it#no it's not xenophobic at all what are you talking about. israelis are just all heartless monsters it's ok to bully them into paranoia.#maybe i'd post less about leftist antisemitism if i didn't constantly feel like i have to defend myself and drive leftist antisemites away#maybe i'd post more fandom stuff if i wasn't afraid of drawing attention#gee imagine that#leftist antisemitism#antisemitism#jumblr#israblr#hila has spoken
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i always know when someone doesn’t like me even if they’re being nice to me out of courtesy
#— ai rambles#irl AND online#theres just that thing#how do i say it#maybe it’s witchcraft idk#lmfao#but yk what i am talking about right#there’s just a different air about them when they talk to you 😭#not that i mind at least they’re respectful#but some are fucking sneaky and low bc they do stuff behind your back#or on anon#n e ways
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I never thought I'd say this, but there's no way I'm one of the only ones here that isn't chronically online. Right? Right??
#PLEASE don't tell me this is genuinely how all of you view this#I'm not gonna make a longer post unless prompted but. there's no way so many of you are this chronically online. there's just no way#I mean this is the nicest way possible btw#some of y'all need to get some friends IRL. like genuinely.#if y'all are thinking that its evil to draw teens smoking weed or for there to be 2 year age gaps in high school relationships-#you do NOT know enough people. I'm being serious#don't get me wrong; some of the things being talked about are serious issues#(I am basically only referring to Louis when I say this. I hope you're doing okay man)#but the rest is stuff that is just so stupid I swear#I don't like engaging in drama hence why I'm not gonna tag the fandom or make this a big post outside of the tags#So much of this is the kind of thing you'd see in a 2018 DA ranters video and that is NOT a good thing#the combination of a lack of nuance + being teens with no life experience + hard opinions is soooooo ass#like this feels like the beginning of a clique who hates artistic expression#I saw one of the posts talking about how people in this fandom should basically be only wholesome or else you're evil and just. What??#Not how art works. not how liking a thing works. stop trying to police the people around you#when I say 'you' I am referring to the amorphous blob of people I'm targeting this rant at and not everyone btw#and I thought that me with my mental health testing approved black & white thinking pattern was bad. god damn#sorry for these tags being so long and ranty I just needed to yap about how I think a lot of this is stupid#if anyone following me doesn't want to follow me anymore due to this that's fine. idrc tbh#I could also like explain anything I mean in an actual post if anyone is confused by any of this#but otherwise this is my two cents#andy rambles
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I kinda want to get into digital painting, how do you make your paintings look so good? Do you have any tips?
its really all about practice id say, and understanding shadows and light sources.
my mom has studied art for years, she no longer does it, but she told one of the most important advices when it comes to shading. draw a small ball on where you want the light source to come from, and draw from there. imagine how it will effect every small thing in the drawing, how little or lots of light it will have.
this is something i made while explaining this to someone a few months ago, this is what my mom told me what to do, and i learned a lot about shading from this. studying from real life is also very important, seeing how light interacts with objects, how light is reflected off to other objects, how blurry or sharp the shadow can be. its endless amounts of knowledge when looking at real life subjects.
when rendering, light sources are one of the most important things, learning the fundamentals can help you in the long run. thinking of what you want your shadows to look like too, do you want them soft or sharp, or even a mix of both? finding something right for you is important, and that's why experimentation is key for finding what you're happy with. trying so many different techniques is possible when going into digital art, take things from artists you like, redraw your favorite piece to see how they've made it, try new brushes or programs, its all up to you!
color is important when it comes to rendering, that could be said for any piece. color dictates the feeling of the piece, using many different colors in your shading can make it pop out. going back to experimenting, trying new different colors and palettes is very helpful too! play with saturations, values, try using only one hue. i stick to warms usually, but seeing what else you could be using can be fun too! color is limitless, try all that you can :D
in art, i believe experimentation is one of the most important things, it leads to your growth as an artist. i would be nowhere without it, and i very much encourage anyone to try all they can. digital art is one of the most expansive artforms, you can get almost any look with it, you can do so much with it that makes creativity limitless.
#SORRY if this isnt articulated that well :') im better at explaining stuff through voice but im also not putting my voice online LOL#we could probably talk about this when we see each other again. it sucks our schedules dont really work out😭#if youre free 5th or 7th anytime we should hang out more. youre fun to be around#i also have a post about a process of another piece i did.. that could help with how i do it exactly#also sorry if this doesnt go over what you want to know LOL like i said you can ask me about this again irl
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Moralizing the Boatboys hate is so funny lol you guys do realize joel edits and puts together his own videos . Just say you're not into it and ignore it
#going to get uncomfortably real here but okay here me out#many ccs know about the shipping stuff and they Will play into it because its their JOB#its their job to hold your attention and make you like them and interested in them#theyre grown ass adults on social media#if i was a cc that said something during recording that i didnt want people to take the wrong way#i would simply cut it out because i can do that#i agree that people take it too far#but ultimately a lot of mcyt fanworks are derivative and based off of caricatures#like joel KNOWS that people find the etho obsession bit funny. thats why he brings it up all the time#i agree that there are some things ccs don't want to see but also they spend hours listening to themselves talk and thinking about how they#are perceived. im sure theyve spent time thinking about Shipping#like again there are boundaries and limits to this obvs but also joel drawing hearts around etho in gartic phone is basically him saying#im continuing this bit because i know it gets engagement and i think its funny#he knows it gets perceived as romantic and hes okay with it#why? because hes married and he knows that his online persona is Not him and he knows that his minecraft yaoi with his friends isnt actually#how he feels about them as people. joel irl is NOT into ethoslab at ALL lol but hes okay with joel the minecrafter appearing that way#its one thing to read too deep into a friendship and its another to just roll with what the ccs are handing you and I dont think its any#different here
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every time i post i am reminded that some of my irls follow me on twt/instagram (not here afaik. thank goodness) sorry guys for being way too invested in a manga based on dead authors. i may be cringe but i am free
#i feel like in high school or younger like ok. thats cool and i was the weird art kid in middle school so like ok youre just like that +#and its a phase you go into of making stuff for something you enjoy#but im in college now adulting and doing real life things and im like. is this childish to draw and whatever#i love drawing and stuff so whatever i draw is really just for me to explore a hobby#idk. maybe im reading too far into this i know i shouldnt care about what other people think but these are ppl i look up to and am close wi#also every time my irls have found my art account its been an ACCIDENT when they see me on my phone or something 😭😭😭 that is NOT +#information i give out randomly im way too embarrased for that they do not need to know i go by a whole different persona online very far +#removed from my irl stem student duties
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#not a lot of people online rn so i’ll say this#i don’t even like going on my dash right now#it’s not like i don’t wanna interact and rb stuff but sometimes it’s like ‘ffs i just can’t’#the takes i saw today when people were liveblogging about eras tour…#as much as im for critiquing a celebrity im also on here just to enjoy taylor and not to see people calling her dumb#i am critical of her irl when i disagree with her but god do i just wanna enjoy being a fan on this hellsite#arshia talks
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Not to be a bummer but this lifestyle is very lonely.
#fatty talks#eh#I just wish that the people I met online that I could meet IRL#it's like every single feedism related thing I get to do is strictly online. never irl#feels like I won't really ever have a complete life because of this#I don't know I just feel like we should talk more about the fact that it is extremely lonely IRL#I only know one single person IRL that's into this stuff#and well that person is really great and I really love them and they're a dear friend of mine#I would like to meet someone you know?#I guess just don't get into this lifestyle expecting anybody to do it with you.#just because others are lucky to have somebody to post with doesn't mean you will too#and that's something I just have to come to terms with.#when I first made this blog I was hoping that I would find a feeder one day to also have on this blog.#but as the days go by I'm realizing that that's just not a realistic thing.#and that I'm likely never going to get that.#so I guess y'all just have me posting here on this blog#vent? I'm not sure what to call it. all I know is that it makes me sad.
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I have to figure out a way of getting more interest in my oc stuff without needing to draw as much because I dont have the time or energy to draw as much as I would like, which includes a lot of concepts and/or scenes that are in my head only but can't commit to drawing, but it feels like most people are only interested in visual stuff as opposed to just written stuff (and for good reason, visuals are flashy and all!) It just makes me a little sad that I cant draw and share everything Id like to show, and what I can do most is talk about it, but that barely ever gets responses unfortunately
#in general though its hard to keep an online presence recently im so tired from everything all i wanna do is play videogame or watch youtube#and I dont have that much time to even think abt ocs cause of irl stuff ^^; case in point- ive been struggling with CD a LOT#for many reasons. so i have been focusing on HR instead bc oughgh i love it sm. but even so I have trouble finding time to just#THINK about it?? its so wack. like just thinking abt it takes time!!#thunderclap#idk man kjdffdk this is so weird i dont like being in this weird transitory period of my life i want this to be done#a lot of the ppl i spent time with online are also incredibly offline lately as well so i dont have as much of a reason to be online myself#everyones busy everything changes. very strange feeling
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I hate being sensitive, i know i shouldnt take stuff personal, especially since i know i have no logical reason to think certain ways ?? Like no stupid. Stop thinking like that your so dumb !!
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I gatta draw ren for free therapy lmaoo
#i hate it here#i hate how i cant understand ppl even thoe i try so hard to#dw ! this isnt about any of my online mutts or friends!!#irl stuff ig?
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