#it's about learning to accept one's queerness

[petrowriting]

somewhat niche yet universally enjoyed and raved about horror show with queer themes and a fucked up gothic romance at the center involving a haunted man learning to accept his nature through his one great love even though that love is toxic and he resists it initially that is completely ignored by award circuits despite its clear high quality in performances, set design and direction and gets renewed through sheer determination by the dedicated fans on social media... welcome back nbc hannibal

[dearweirdme]

Personal

So I got a rather nasty ask earlier about straight people talking about closeting. Which isn't new to me, I have always understood the delicacy and tried to communicate my thoughts as respectfully as I could. This time my reply (though I will not share the ask) will be a bit different though.. and I feel a bit vulnarable while doing so (knowing this will probably get me some backlash as well).. so I just ask for an understanding of the fact that everyone goes through life differently and that my story might be odd to you, but it is real to me.

So these last couple of years have been ones of self discovery for me. It's had rather drastic consequences varying from me separating from my ex to discovering I have ADHD and... I now identify as queer.

It's been something I have come to terms with rather easily (not the adhd part... that was pretty mindblowing for some reason 😂). It's still a relatively new discovery (though my thoughtprocess on this has been going on for quite some time now) and I have yet to figure out which label fits me best, though perhaps I'll also just leave it as queer. For now I'm describing it as me caring more about someone's personality and values and not so much about what package that person comes in. I've noticed I feel proud and excited, It feels as though I have found back a piece of me that was lost.

I am very much aware that I am privileged. I am a white, highly educated woman in a western country with family and friends that I know will have no trouble with my sexuality. This has definitely contributed to the ease with which I have gone through this journey. I've yet to come out to my family and friends... I will when it comes up in conversation, but I'm not the grand statement kinda girl (introversion in practice 😂). The only one I've talked about this is @thv-jk97 (thank you so much M), but I feel it's fair to come out on here.. since I am ready... but also because I understand that to some this space will feel safer knowing that I identify as queer.

Still... I've never been closeted and I don't know what that feels like. I've also not yet lived the reality of people knowing I am queer and the responses that might get me. The most messed up feelings I'm now experiencing myself is knowing that certain people in my life (some colleagues for instance, and telling my ex will probably also be .... an experience...) will have problems accepting this. And I feel oddly insecure about being accepted by the queer community.. since it took me so long to realize this part of me existed. But none of those feelings come close to being closeted and to feeling unsafe.

I have always felt that it's important for people of majority groups to speak up on behalf of people from minority groups. In a world where there's still so much racism and discrimination minorities can use all the support and help they can get. I've alwaus encouraged people to tell me when I get something wrong. Listening to other people's experiences and applying the lessons you learn is so important. We learn as we go 🌈.

[respectthepetty]

I’m watching OLD bls this month and I’ve almost finished “SOTUS”

And ok yea colour theory I’m sure is abound HOWEVER DRINK THEORY?!?

Arthit trying the Americano after he is confused about his feelings after Kongs confession and asking his friend “how can you even like this?”

And his friend replies “you don’t need a reason to like something, if you like it you like it”

Then Kongpob trying to order the Pink milk. But still letting Arthit have it when they don’t have enough left and they are both not on speaking terms anymore since Kongpobs confession.

And it’s not untill they are both sure of their feelings after their talk and confession in episode 13 that they finally get their orders (each other’s drink orders successfully)

Kongpob- Arthits usual pink mill

Arthits - Iced coffee

Like…. I’m not skilled but I notice the VERY OBVIOUS drink messages.

Perhaps I’ll start a blog about drink theory 😂

Anon, don't joke. This drink theory is SERIOUS BUSINESS! Pink milk is for the gays, so you need to expand on this. Do it! I didn't write thousands of words on The Eclipse and KinnPorsche making the safe space a cafe for shits and giggles.

If you watched Until We Meet Again, there was an entire thing between Win and Team about Win's drink order. Team couldn't get it right, then he did, and it was symbolic of their relationship and accepting the complications of it.

In Past-Senger, Kiew comes into the future and comments on the coffee drinks being too sweet, and Bamee tells him he has old-school thinking by wanting everything to be "traditional." Kiew wasn't used to modern life (being out - this comes up in several other ways), but Bamee was never "in" so the drink conversation was another layer on modern ideas of queerness.

A Boss and a Babe with that entire "Boss, drink whatever I put in the cup!" back-and-forth between Gun and Cher!

I haven't even watched Don't Say No but I know the brother kept stalking his guy at that cafe and the drinks were a part of it, so there is something there!

Oh, and Dark Blue Kiss with Mork accepting his queerness through his acceptance of coffee.

EDIT: @waitmyturtles pointed out the drinks in The Eighth Sense were symbolic too because the country boys didn't like the Americanos but drank them anyway; then the drinks at the bar represented their relationship.

DO IT!

Some blog name suggestions - Lactose AND Tolerant. Got Pink Milk? Chai There. Mojito Mo' Problems (where you can document the use of alcohol in BLs as a plot point - I have a large collection of GIFs if you need them). Fruit Punch. BL Bes(t)Teas.

And you can expand it to metaphorical food in general! Japan owns this subject, honestly.

Naked Dining is using food as a metaphor EVERY SINGLE EPISODE. If a character likes his food spicy or not. What people's preferences are. That tastes can evolve. It's a whole thing!

Old Fashion Cupcake. IT'S IN THE NAME! Togawa teaching Nozue to eat and ENJOY sweets which he was too afraid to do before because he felt he was too old to try new things and believed sweets weren't for him = QUEERNESS!

What Did You Eat Yesterday?, Our Dining Table, She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat, Until We Meet Again (Pharm x Dean), and Step by Step (but it's not as heavy as the others) could all be used too.

There was a queer series of movies in the early 2000s, and it was called Eating Out (sexual pun + queer pun intended), and this would be the PERFECT blog name for analyzing metaphorical food in BLs.

DO IT!

[darkshrimpemotions]

Actually the implications of John also being bisexual are so fucking tasty to me because like. OG John has no support system and no protection against the world except his own perceived strength so he learns to ferret out anything that can possibly be seen as weakness to those around him and that includes any affection or attraction he might feel towards men because nothing screams "stay in your fucking closet" like spending all your time around a fringe subculture of serial killing doomsday preppers in the Midwest during the Reagan era.

By the time he notices Dean starting to look a little too long at boys his age, he's probably convinced himself that whatever he felt (still feels but ignores) was a temporary youthful indiscretion, and of course Dean can't afford those, doesn't get to have those, he's got to be a soldier. He's got to be a better soldier than John, even.

I dunno I've just had enough conversations with family members who are loudly but somehow also mildly homophobic and yet say or do things that make me *eyeballs emoji* not to think this is not only possible but arguably likely.

[ladyluscinia]

One day queer people online will be able to discuss historical attitudes toward homosexuality as something that engaged with cultural misogyny and not as "well they were really behind on women's rights, obviously, but queer acceptance was amazing before they were introduced to homophobia." Like my guy in a culture where the accepted female lifestyles of daughter / wife / whore were all variations on the same level of un-personhood that told men all the women in their lives were about as mentally and socially engaging as the family dog or maybe a decently non-ugly vase, the idolization of deep male/male homosocial and homosexual relationships and experiences is a feature, not a bug 🙄

[dazzlerazz]

Saw your tags, incredibly based I do the same of unintentionally intentionally making my OCs start off as bi ace unless smth suits em otherwise/better. Loved reading the tags tho :0 fun plot trope u got there

AIOHDSGFJ9-FUGIOHGI9-0FOIHJGI=es()OXFIG=soiXFH9isFG0[S OH GOSH HI

It's very easy to fall into "this oc is just like me fr" island because of self projection lol

I genuinely don't think I have any straight ocs, and that's a very weird thing to see compared to how I used to write my ocs when I was like 8-12, but it's not a bad thing! I enjoy it!

Thanks for the ask lol I love to talk about ocs

[microchive]

just submitted poetry to a magazine for the first time i hope the inevitable rejection will teach me a valuable lesson about perseverance and grit and will not break me like a cicada shell in the wind

[hypnowave]

.

[mallowaj]

yall ever watch a movie from the 80s / 90s with the most in your face queercoding ever seen, load up its tumblr tag hoping to see some gay person saying the exact same thing, but theres NOTHING?!! like, was it just me??? who read into this???? its so baffling everytime man, because how on earth did NO ONE think the same thing and go on tumblr to talk about it. I CANT BE THE ONLY ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[the-sparkling-diamond-satine]

Feeling something about growing up afab and experiencing misogyny my whole life and sharing that with other afab people and women (trans and cis ones) and then realizing I’m genderfluid and Sometimes A Boy and learning very quickly I can’t share that with anyone.

Because now I’M the problem. Now I’M the misogynistic, violent, disgusting, scary, evil masculine person that women and non-binary people (yes, even the queer ones) don’t want around for those reasons. The misogyny I experienced my entire life (side by side with them!) doesn’t matter anymore even when I still experience it!! And cis men don’t want me either, because I’m “not a real man.” And the people that still want me around usually say it’s because I’m “not a real man.” And terfs love to say I have “internalized misogyny.”

And so where do I fit? What group wants a Sometimes Guy or just any transmasculine person? And looking back at times I’ve come out to myself and others and very quickly realized it was a mistake and gone right back in the closet. Or I’ll be out to them but have to claim to never identify as masculine because doing so is Just Not Acceptable and they make that very clear. She/they or they/them if cool but the second I’m a she/they/he or a he/they we have a problem. “Oh, you’re genderfluid? That’s cool. You’re not like, a guy, right?” “Non-binary? At least you’re not a boy! Men are just the WORST.”

And I’m tired of squishing and crushing and destroying this piece of myself so people accept me in queer spaces or as their friend I’m tired of coming out to partners and getting dumped because it’s fine if I’m feminine or non-binary but not fine if I’m masculine, I’m tired of hearing maybe it’s okay if I’m transmasc if I only wanna bind and pack but oops never mind it’s not okay if I wanna start T. I’m tired of being taught to hate myself or that masculinity is inherently evil and I’m

Tired. Just. Tired.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

take the "stop promoting conversion therapy for autistic people side of the coin" challenge

[laughingcatwrites]

As a reminder that good exists out there, a coworker recently confessed to me that he found out his child is questioning their identity (kid's gender redacted for this post). The kid is keeping it from him, so he can't say anything to them or show that he knows, but he's doing his best to get mentally prepared and educated so that he'll be ready whenever his kid does feel comfortable enough come to him.

For context, this guy is a big, bulky middle aged dude who loves sports and typical outdoor "manly" activities. As his coworker and friend, I know he's a kind and sweet teddy bear of a person, but his kid probably views him as a stern, authoritarian figure, the way most teenagers view their parents. His family lives in a conservative area, so I'm sure between that, their dad's looks and interests, and the fact that their dad is a Figure of Authority, the kid is worried that they won't be accepted.

But you know what? When he found out about his kid, the first thing he did was reach out to his closest queer friend and ask for resources for parents of questioning children. His biggest fears are that his kid will be bullied or discriminated against and won't feel comfortable enough to be themself. His second action was to find himself a mentor in another parent who went the same situation (kid coming out in a conservative town). The other person is preparing him for some of the struggles his kid may face and the fights he may need to take on as a parent to make sure his kid is safe and treated well.

Something I want to emphasize for people focused on language as the primary method of allyship is that when we spoke, he used some outdated terms and thoughts about gender and sexuality. That does not make him bad. These were the terms and thinking used about questioning teenagers when he was growing up and he never needed to learn more current ones. But now that he does have that need, he's throwing himself in head first because that's his kid and he's darn well going to make sure that his kid feels welcomed and has a safe place to be themselves even if they never come out to him.

[somehowmags]

i’ve seen a lot of posts talking about nimona’s queer messages which is great! but ive not seen as many posts talking analyzing how both ballister and ambrosius were changed to be asian, which is a shame because i genuinely think its one of the most important parts of the film! a huge part of it is a deconstruction of the model minority myth and respectability politics, both of which are big issues in the asian american community. both of them represent each side of the spectrum, with ambrosius expected to be superhuman with very little support and ballister being seen as less than human, no matter how hard he tries- a monster.

ambrosius (who is now east asian, like his voice actor eugene lee yang, who is korean with chinese and japanese ancestry), despite being in a seemingly powerful position as head of the knights and a descendant of gloreth, he isn’t really given the kind of support that this position needs- he’s constantly undermined and belittled by todd, the face of the other knights, and when asked about his emotional state by the director, represses his emotions rather than talk to her about his true feelings. this is very similar to how asian american students in schools aren’t given the support they need academically by teachers and administration, as the model minority myth leads to them being perceived as more intelligent and competent than their fellow students and therefore not needing support. he’s also held to a higher standard than any of the other knights, being immediately placed into a position of power despite just being knighted, again a reflection of the model minority myth, since asian americans are held to higher standards unfairly. despite being technically better off than ballister, he has no support, no friends, no way to seek help for his problems, and, just like ballister, is immediately thrown away the moment the director thinks he’s served his use.

ballister is now pakistani, like his voice actor riz ahmed (no, not like pedro pascal. where did this come from lol), and i’d go as far as to say that he is also, if not explicitly muslim, heavily muslim coded as well. he’s framed as a terrorist by the white, christian institution, and from then on, it doesn’t matter how good he tries to be- everyone else sees him as a monster. he’s also from a lower socioeconomic class than ambrosius and the rest of the knights- while this is initially used to frame him as a success story, after he’s framed, it’s used to cast suspicion on him. almost immediately he’s othered, with posters casting him as a foreign invader sent to destabilize the city, much in the same way that muslim immigrants are seen in real life. even when he tries to be peaceful and good, it’s always twisted so that he’s the monster of the story. while ambrosius is held to too high of a standard, ballister will never be enough for the institution to accept.

which is why both of their arcs culminate in them breaking out of the system, learning to accept what they’d been taught was monstrous, and leaving behind respectability. it’s a genuinely great commentary, and i can definitely see why riz ahmed and eugene lee yang were chosen for this, as they’ve both done activist work for their communities.

[drchucktingle]

reverse call out post

i have noticed that SOMETIMES it really bothers folks to discover i am sincere and not playing a character. that tinglers are deep artistic expression. i think it  because these few buckaroos are often kind and even politically left but had problematic ways just a few years back

these buckaroos are forced to confront their previous assumptions about neurodivergence and queerness, which is bound to happen as time trots on and cultural landscape evolves. but this sudden realization they have about themselves apparently MUST be ignored and pushed away

theres BIG TIME buckaroos on this very platform who publicly made fun of and gatekept my autism. these posts are STILL THERE. folks questioning my bisexuality. and these are buds who at one time worked with chuck and were pretending to ‘like me’ in way that i now see was irony

these are a previous generation of liberal ‘comedy forum’ buds who laugh and laugh at ‘ridiculous bad erotica’ and wrote as a money scheme. those who would later say with concern ‘chuck tingle is homophobic for making fun of queer erotica’. the same THEY might gleefully write

and i think their reaction is a way to deal with truth that THEY were doing these things ironically and have ABSOLUTELY NO CONCEPT that someone else couldve been creating joyful queer neurodivergent art during the same timeline with sincerity instead of irony.

so now as chuck gets taken more seriously they have to confront something. question of ‘wait, was i laughing at a real person the whole time? was i calling someone homophobic when in reality it is much more homophobic to MAKE that accusation, because queerness is not a monolith?’

old posts calling out chuck as fake, dehumanizing me, gatekeeping my place on spectrum of autism AND sexuality are still up. they wont be addressed because these folks cannot ever acknowledge they treated someones very existence as a joke. they will not admit THEY needed to grow

and honestly buckaroos, I FORGIVE THEM. nobody is dang perfect and the internet is swirling with irony poisoning. those folks on old forums were BATHING IN IT DAILY. it does not bother me because it is the past, but pondering on it during moments like this i am compelled to write

i do not bring this up to punish for past, but to hope buckaroos remember lesson in the future: you do not need to gatekeep. you do not need to make yourself the arbiter of others lifestyle and identity. you do not need to score online points as a way of proving your goodness.

proving love is complicated sometimes, and a big part or that complicated journey is accepting there are some unique buckaroos out there, buds who actually ENJOY making neurodivergent art and expressing their queerness in unique ways. who need time to learn THEMSELVES through art

it is my belief and suggestion that buds allow others this space. to accept them as they come. to TROT WITH THEM INTO THE FUTURE. thats a heck of a way to prove love is real. i think we can make this trot of sincerity together and DANG am i looking forward to it. LOVE IS REAL

[atimeofyourlife]

Steve being the one who is actually a fountain of queer knowledge because he has a gay uncle in San Francisco or New York, one of the cities that had the biggest queer communities.

Robin not having much information because she's a closeted teenage lesbian who can't drive, so she has nowhere to source that information without raising the suspicions of her parents.

Eddie doesn't have the chance because he can't afford to spend weekends in Indianapolis or Chicago, because weekends mean parties, and parties are one of the best times to deal. He might go occasionally, but just hitting up a bar to find a dude to hook up with, not getting into queer theory because he doesn't really care to. He doesn't bother to learn about hanky code or anything else, because he's not interested. All he's interested in is getting a little action.

But Steve? He spent a lot of time with his uncle, Hank, while growing up. Anytime his family was in the area, they would stay with Hank. Sure, Steve's parents would try to explain his partner, Joe, as a friend or a roommate, but Steve always knew. He could see how in love they were, even more than his parents.

It became normal for him. He heard the words that other people would throw around, how they would talk about how dangerous, how disgusting two men together was. But he couldn't understand why people thought so badly about it. Because Hank and Joe were so happy together and they weren't hurting anyone.

When he was twelve, they were the first people he told when he had the conflicting feelings of having a crush on a pretty girl named Annika in the grade above, but also really wanting to kiss Tommy every time the other boy laughed at one of his jokes. Joe and Hank just listened to him, then taught him about bisexuality. That it was perfectly normal to like both. They gave him gentle warnings, that he would have to be careful because people were cruel.

And because his parents had left him with them for a couple of weeks, they took advantage of it to introduce Steve to other people. They took him to a tiny queer bookshop that was run by a friend of theirs, giving him a space to learn in safety. Because of them, he met people of so many different orientations lesbians, bisexuals, gay men. Self-proclaimed dykes and faggots. Transexuals, men who were once women and women who were once men¹ and people that pushed the boundaries of gender entirely. He felt in awe of all these people, but also loved and accepted by everyone he met.

A few years later, the summer of '82, age 15 and between freshman and sophomore year, he was sat down for a more serious conversation. The day after he arrived, Hank and Joe sat him down for a serious talk about safe sex, in way more detail than what he got from his parents, which was just a pack of condoms appearing in his bathroom on his fifteenth birthday, with a note saying to use them so he wouldn't get a girl pregnant. The talk emphasized the need for a barrier during any type of sex, and brought up the very real risk of GRID, which had yet to be renamed AIDS², to point out why he had to be incredibly careful with everyone he had sex with. But they also made a point to reassure him that they were both okay, that he didn't have to worry about them. They made sure that he knew that they were always there for him, just a phone call away if he ever had any concerns or questions.

A year later, at 16, they decided he was ready for more information. They provided him with pamphlets and zines, covering everything from rights movements to AIDS to secret codes. He took an interest in the hanky code, but felt a little intimidated about what some of the colors meant. They also provided him with a fake id that declared that he was twenty one and that his name was Mark. While he was staying with them, he joined them out in the community. Meeting the people affected by AIDS, learning about the real effects of it and not just the few scare stories that were breaking through on the news. Hearing more stories of lived life, getting a better understanding of the people around him.

Just a few months later, November '83. When everything went to shit. Steve was terrified when he saw the photos Jonathan had taken from outside his house and developed in the school dark room. He couldn't help getting stuck on the what if? What if it wasn't Nancy he had in his room? What if it had been that night when he and Tommy got a little too drunk and kissed each other? What if he'd finally got the nerve to bring a guy home? His life could have been destroyed in seconds by an asshole being a creep.

He became more on guard, scared that at any point someone could be taking photos in his backyard. Then seeing Jonathan with Nancy in her room, it pushed him further. With the fight the next day, he just wanted to make his words hurt. He dug deep and threw out accusations that he'd never wanted to say. Allowing his anger and fear to take over. The moment the word queer left his mouth, he felt an uneasy sense of regret. Accusing someone else of being what he was, as if it was a bad thing.

After it was all over, the details were shared, the cover stories were given, the paperwork declaring that nothing had happened had been signed, Steve felt lost and alone. Even after apologizing, he still felt dirty for calling Jonathan queer. After a few days, he breaks and calls Hank and Joe, and tells them, well not everything, but what he can. The photos, the camera, the fight. What he said to Jonathan. They understood his anger and his fear. They disagreed with his choice of words, but told him that if he'd apologized and meant it, and it had been accepted, there was no point in him continuing to beat himself up about it. That he couldn't change the past, but he had to try and be better in the future.

The following summer, 1984, he joined them with a new hatred and fear of the government. He felt safer with them, not feeling like he was looking over his shoulder all the time. But he was also so worried, what if the Upside Down came back when he wasn't there to help. He threw himself into helping others, knowing there were so many ways that the government was willing to screw over citizens. Wanting to do the little he could when he could. It brought him some peace of mind, being able to do something.

After Starcourt, after getting discharged from the hospital, Steve confides in Robin. He tells her about Hank and Joe. About how much he'd learnt from them. He tells her that he's bisexual, a word she was unfamiliar with, but she embraces him anyway. He spins a story of all the different people he'd met, people that proved it could be okay for people like them.

It formed an even deeper bond between them, a shared understanding that they couldn't find in anyone else their age. They share secrets about crushes, about realizations. Judging how attractive customers are together once they got the jobs at Family Video. Steve showed Robin the zines, helping her pick up more pieces of information, about how many others there were out there.

Steve clocked Vickie pretty quickly, almost certain she was bisexual like he was. Robin struggled to believe him, not wanting to get her hopes up, or to risk getting hurt.

When Eddie crashed into their lives during the spring break from hell, Steve found himself falling hard and fast. He'd noticed the black bandana Eddie wore tucked into his back left pocket, and wanted it. He had never considered being into s&m, but would be willing to take anything Eddie gave him.

He tried to bring it up subtly to Eddie, only to be met with confusion. Even trying less subtle ways of questioning it, Eddie still didn't seem to get it. Steve had to ask if he was flagging, and Eddie responded by asking what flagging was. Steve felt mortified, and stuttered about it being a code, and he thought Eddie was gay. Eddie assured him that he was gay, but still had no clue what Steve was talking about with flagging.

Steve showed Eddie the zines as well, going through all the different colors of the hanky code. Eddie got a little embarrassed when he realized what he'd been signalling, but some of the interactions he'd had with guys the few times he'd been to a gay bar made a lot more sense.

It took a few more days after that for Eddie to realize what Steve had been getting at by bringing up him flagging. There was another awkward, and slightly embarrassing conversation to confirm that yes, they were into each other, and no, neither of them were actually into s&m.

(And of course, Hank and Joe got a kick out of the story when they were the first ones Steve told, other than Robin.)

¹I wrote it this way, as it would have been a way that twelve year old could understand different gender identities in 1979. Different language and terminology was used. I believe that it is up to individual trans people for how they describe and consider themselves pre and post coming out and transition, as it is a very personal thing. I'm non-binary and I consider anything about myself under the age of 17 to be a girl, because that's how I identified at that time. ²(AIDS was known by a bunch of different names, some less kind than others, including GRID [Gay-related immune deficiency] and 4H disease [Heroin users, homosexuals, hemophiliacs and Haitians], until the summer of 1982. The name AIDS was proposed on July 27th 1982, and came into use by the CDC in September of that year. The term HIV came into use in 1986.)

This was supposed to be a quick little headcanon, and it ended up taking me nearly a month to write 1.5k words. And I now want to write so many parts about Steve with his relationship to Hank and Joe. They're the gay uncles everyone deserves.

[desperatelyseekingcannibals]

Telling Hugh Dancy about trans masc Will and more...

As some of you already know by now, I went to Boston Fanexpo this past weekend for another stop on the unofficial Hannibal 2024 Reunion Tour.

I had planned to do autographs on the Friday before the Hannibal panel and had brought some gifts for Hugh which included a copy of Adapt. Evolve. Become: The Genderqueer Fandom of NBC's Hannibal, which I compiled and edited last year. I also got him to sign my own copy (above).

It all moved quite quickly, but I did have the chance to explain that it's a volume by and about trans, non-binary, and genderqueer Fannibals that includes art, fics, essays, and personal pieces. He seemed intrigued and I said I hope he'd have the chance to read it and that the art isn't explicit/sexual but some of the fics are - he laughed and said he appreciated the warning.

It was all quite the whirlwind, especially after coming all the way from the UK, so I was absolutely mortified when I remembered the next morning that I had talked with a few trans Fannibals who had specifically asked me to let him know that he/Will is a trans icon. So I went back up to see him again on the Saturday morning when it wasn't too busy (and get more stuff signed) and this is what happened:

[I wrote notes down right after so this is as close an account I can get without having filmed it!].

Me: I saw you yesterday Hugh: I remember (smiley-friendly) Me: I gave you a book Hugh: I remember (smiley-friendly) Me: well, I forgot to tell you. A few trans Fannibals reached out to me to tell you that Will is a trans icon to them and we all love you for it. Hugh was surprised (in a nice way) and I was pretty much going to walk away then - job done and feeling like time for me to stop bothering Hugh lol. But before I could walk away he sort of held out his hand to stop me and said something along the lines of - I don't mean this in a disrespectful way, don't take it the wrong way... I'm genuinely curious- I get that it can be about identity- but what is the connection to Will and being trans? Luckily - my essay in the book is exactly about how Will can be read as trans, so I sort of gave him a summary of that. I explained that (obviously) both Will and Hannibal can be read as queer, and that - especially as both characters have dominant masculine and feminine traits, it's also easy to read them both as trans or in some way genderqueer. He was nodding and agreeing, so I further explained that with Hannibal, he is fully formed - he's already whatever he is - which Hugh also agreed with. But that Will is still becoming, still transitioning and therefore can be more relatable to trans fans who see that journey in themselves. So although it's not necessarily the same journey - there is enough to it that it resonates with trans people. I said that in the show there is also the added bonus of Will being seen and accepted for who he is, just as trans people wish to be. He was nodding along and agreeing with me and then he thanked me for explaining that. It was pretty quiet previously but I'd been there a few minutes so the queue was building up a little but he was so focused on me - so genuinely intent on hearing what I had to say and learning more. SO I CARRIED ON. (lols) I explained to him that it goes further than the show, that we have found a community in the fandom and that many trans people have a catalyst in their life that sparks their journey - like Will had in his friendship with Hannibal. For us it might be a person, an event, or even a TV show. I explained how the fandom are so supportive of trans people - that we are SEEN. That I for one wouldn't have been able to afford top surgery without the kind donations of Fannibals back when I was not in a good place (mentally or financially). That we all help each other and for some of us that has been life-saving. He did the hand on heart thing and said "wow" and was clearly moved. I said to him that so much of this is in the book, that I completely understand if he doesn't want to read the fanfic, but I really hope that he will at least read each of the personal pieces - that each of the fics and art also have a little write up from their creator about what the show and/or fandom has meant to them and their gender journey - how important this has been in our lives. He repeated a couple of times that he would definitely read it. I thanked him and he held out his hand and gave me the most genuine hand shake I've had in my life.

I want to really stress here how much this was instigated by Hugh. That he really wanted to know more and understand and didn't even look at the slowly growing queue but was instead intently focused on knowing more about the trans Fannibals and about why this show and the characters mean so much to us.

I then went off and spoke with a few Fannibal friends in the queue before getting around the corner to another Fannibal friend and having a bit of an emotional moment/breakdown. I can't even explain how grateful I am that he gave me the opportunity to explain all this to him. And I was especially glad I got to tell that Will is a trans icon because I'd have felt terrible if I'd have not done that after people had asked!! Thank you for trusting me to pass that message on for you!

💖

I know for many of you Adapt. Evolve. Become: The Genderqueer Fandom of NBC's Hannibal might have gone a little under the radar. So here is some more about that >>

It was compiled last year for Trans Hanni Day, edited by Max Turner of (and in conjunction with) A Coup of Owls Press - and published under Max's ACoO imprint.

It features essays, personal pieces, fanart and fanfic by and about trans, non-binary, genderqueer and otherwise non-cis Fannibals.

IT IS FREE TO DOWNLOAD, however we ask that if you do that, please consider donating to one of the linked trans orgs if you can afford to (or a similar organisation/charity of your choice).

It can be purchased on Amazon, however, as the proceeds go to charity, and Amazon only gives royalties, more is earned/given if bought directly via Max's shop.

Dearest trans Fannibals, please know that YOU ARE SEEN!