#it's a bit disjointed but i'm angry as fuck

[cantinabandmp3]

i just imagined the pitching of this week's episode. "um, jack black and, uh, lizzo... are like, royals… on a planet with, ummm...battle droids. and, uh, doc brown….. also, remember count dooku?"

it really is just like the mcu too with how they bring in these big names to play these small goofy roles, expecting everyone to just laugh and go like "hey, i know that (insert celebrity) it's so cool, they're in star wars now!" instead of, you know... give them something interesting to work with.

also, what's this "but he's not mandalorian blood"? ancestry is suddenly important now?

din has become a side character in 'the bo katan show'. why did he even get the darksaber in the first place if they were going to just give it back to bo without any interesting conflict at all?

i don't know what to say. this episode was dumb and the only thing relevant to the overall plot happened at the very end.

[sapphic-agent]

I'm curious about your thoughts about the Glee subreddit and morality. When I was active on that sub, I left some time back because of the insane Rachel glazing and Santana slander, I noticed a lot of the arguments or discussions were coming from a moral standpoint for me. Santana's my favorite character and often how she was criticized on there seemed to come from sort of moral high ground. She's a terrible character because she did this wrong (biphobia, racism, homophobia, bullying etc) and that isn't okay without people remembering the time period that Glee aired in or that Glee thrived off of dodgy/satirical jokes or humor. They hold Santana and her actions accountable as if she was created in 2024 and not 2009.

Was this something you also noticed when you were there? This weird morality stance when it comes to controversial characters like Santana? It honestly felt like she was being judged to 2024 standards. Sorry if this sounds a bit disjointed but I'm interested to know your viewpoint.

No, this is a really good question.

It's common knowledge for people who have left the Glee sub that it's on some self-righteous moral high ground. And I wouldn't care about their morality stance... if they were as harsh on Finn and Rachel as they are on Santana, Quinn, Mercedes, etc.

I can give you a lot of examples of their double standards.

When anyone tries to bring up Rachel slapping Santana, they'll cry about the times Santana slapped Quinn and Finn... But nothing about Finn trying to yank Quinn out of her wheelchair, beating down on Puck, attacking Jesse, etc. Hell, they'll fucking praise him for assaulting Brody. In all of these situations, Finn always gets an excuse: oh Puck betrayed him, oh Quinn manipulated him, oh Jesse and Brody HURT poor Rachel!! But then they'll make excuses for demonizing Santana... despite the fact that Quinn revealed her private medical info to get her demoted and Finn literally outed and doxed her to the entire state.

Ergo, they're fine when Finn resorts to violence because it's SO UNDERSTANDABLE, but Santana's a bitch who deserves what she gets so she isn't allowed to be upset in any way.

Do you know how many times someone brings up Mercedes quitting? Do you know how many times they condemn her for being childish, disrespectful, and leaving the way she did? But... Rachel did the same thing for years. Why is it only condemnable when Mercedes does it? Why is Rachel allowed to complain and get angry, but the minute Mercedes does it she has an attitude problem?

Rachel playing Maria in WSS was fine, but for some reason she has the right to condemn Santana for auditioning for Fanny? And the Glee sub thinks that's perfectly okay.

It's funny you mention satire, because apparently that only applies to Rachel, not Santana. Rachel can make whatever comments she wants about Black people and Chinese people and anyone who isn't American and it's so cute and funny and endearing, but when Santana did it, it was racist and she's terrible.

(Honestly, I know Santana is Mexican in canon, but Naya was Black irl, so it really feels like this is misogynoir (especially when Mercedes is only liked as long as she's being perfectly unproblematic). If Santana was a white Hispanic and not an Afro-Latina, I feel like people in the Glee sub (and everywhere else tbh) wouldn't be nearly as harsh on her)

Also, you pointing out people judging her by 2024 terms is hilarious, because that's the exact thing the Glee sub accuses Finn haters like myself of doing to him. Except... condemning most of the shit Finn does was perfectly the norm in 2009. The Office (THE FUCKING OFFICE) took the time to explain why outing was bad. A ton of sitcoms pointed out that abusing your size to beat people up when you get mad is wrong.

IT WAS 2009, NOT 1989. The last episode of Glee aired in 2013, when progressive shows like Steven Universe were coming out (hell, Adventure Time is even older than Glee and it did things so much better; Finn Mertens>Finn Hudson) Glee isn't the aged relic people make it out to be. And firmly holding Finn to "2009" standards- while not doing the same for Santana (or Quinn or anyone else)- and them attacking anyone who dares to say "Hey, Finn's kind of a dick," is a double standard that screams misogyny and racism

[gentleeclipsey]

Was it worth it?

I swear to god if this is who I think it is I'm going to lose my fucking mind. I'm going to be brutally fucking honest about my feelings and I don't care, if you decide to read this that's on you. I have blocked you five times, there is a hint and then there's a blatant get the fuck away from me.

But, if you're not who I think you are, in some capacity I'd say yes. Fair warning, a lot of bad stuff mentioned, also a bit of a rant because I've never told anyone outside a few friends who aren't on tumblr. Also I'm sorry, this is gonna be long and disjointed, the whole thing makes me angry to an unnatural degree, I've never been this angry at someone in my life. TL;DR just below the cut:

TL;DR: my ex destroyed my mental state and Trollhunters made me realize that, now I'm single and happier for it. Now onto the rage.

I made a lot of friends despite my partner's actions, and I have characters who I absolutely love, I'm free, I feel good, I'm not scared to be alive. I'd say it wasn't worth all the bullshit I put up with. I'm angry at myself because I was so spineless, even now I still can't fucking make heads or tails of half the shit that happened.

I don't care anymore. They'll always see me as a horrible person, I did my best and I was never enough, I'd never be enough no matter how much I tried. No matter how many times I cried, no matter how many times I had to hide things from myself so I wouldn't leave new marks, no matter how many times I apologized, it'd always be my own fault and at this point I've just accepted I was fucking pathetic and horrible and I don't care. I had to spend every waking fucking moment catering to them, talking to them, and they'd get angry because I wouldn't realize what was wrong and I wouldn't fucking pry it out of them and bend over backwards for days to make them feel better. I had to ask for a break somewhere in the middle because between classes, work, and them, I was so fucking overwhelmed and I tried to explain it to them but they didn't believe me or didn't care but every time they had the chance they'd rub my face in the fact they were so hurt over the fact I needed a break to regather myself.

Mind you, their pain was more important than mine. When I first had Jackie, she was my favorite OC. I loved using her, I still do, but they hid their feelings about her for so long that when they told me they didn't like her and called my emotions toxic for being upset. When they tried to rub that break in my fucking face again I told them about the absolute painful hurt I felt over what they told me and most essentially they basically told me that pain didn't mean anything because it wasn't like their pain. I was fucking trying to craft her to be appealing to them, to make her what they wanted so we could just be happy again but they fucking threw all that out the window.

Wanna hear the best part? I couldn't fucking talk to anyone outside of them publicly, even to use Jackie with others despite the fact they hated her. I have Sage to thank, because they were the first person I interacted with publicly that made me start seeing my partner for who they were. They got so fucking mad over a short text RP, later told me they wanted me to make friends, then fucking went back on it and fucking got upset because I apparently treated people I talked to casually better than them.

They rubbed my face in the fact they had breakdowns in public because of shit they started. When I'd pass out they'd get quiet with me and have a short temper but if they passed out I had to be understanding. If they vanished for days at a time I wasn't allowed to be upset but if I vanished they'd have a fucking breakdown. I made myself be so understanding to them becsuse they were sick and they never fucking thought twice. Never. Because I wasn't sick like them that meant I always had to be perfectly fine. Always. Perfectly. Fucking. Fine. They admitted to me they tried to train me. Train me. Like I'm a dog. Like I'm a fucking dog. I cannot begin to tell you the absolute whirlwind of rage I felt in the moment I read that but I kept my head by some fucking miracle.

Trollhunters is what broke the back of all the shit that'd been happening. It started with Undertale, it ended with Trollhunters, and they took my fucking OC from me and told me for years that that OC wasn't mine exclusively, and now I don't have a fucking choice. I can't even begin to describe the absolutely disgusting anger I feel over the fact I literally can do nothing to get my OC back because they've told me for years she wasn't mine and I can't fucking remember anything clearly and I doubt myself constantly now. I cannot begin to describe the absolute disgust it makes me feel I can't do anything to fucking get my OC back and that I hate more of my OCs because of their bullshit.

To contact a fucking artist, an amazing, wonderful person fucking 5 years later and say that I stole their OC and to take down the art? What the fuck. Funnily enough, I have Jackie most specifically to thank for making me realize! Wanna know what the fuck they said to me? "I was upset because I felt you loved her more than me." I WISH I WAS FUCKING LYING. I have so few screenshots but Jesus fucking christ I cannot explain to you the absolute seriousness in which that was stated.

I cannot even begin to describe the anger I feel over everything that happened. Not in the fucking slightest. They always accused me of not loving them anymore, of hating them, when they first started saying that it wasn't true, but now I can't fucking stand the idea of them anymore. I hope they see all the shit I do now, how much I draw Jackie being happy despite their shit.

So yeah. I have Trollhunters and Jackie to thank for helping me realize how bad things had gotten, because if it weren't for my absolute hyperfocus on it I don't think I would've seen what'd happened as soon as I did. There are so many emotions in here I can't describe at all, and I know if they saw this they'd immediately try attacking me publicly. Hell they might see this because I've had to block four fucking accounts already. Five if you count discord.

I feel like I should've taken way more screenshots than I did, but I'm not going to post them, I want to move on from this but I have so much simmering rage over what's happened its taking me a while. They're not in the Trollhunters fandom, at least, they're barely on social media as is aside from lingering accounts. Trollhunters is my safe space now, as is Jackie and my closest friends.

[parvuls]

ted lasso thoughts and HEAPS of spoilers

current fave eps: ep2 > ep4 > ep1 > ep3. although, honestly? not enjoying this season as much as the other two. we're DEFINITELY in the dark forest.

taking it from the top: this week we're obviously dealing with anger and when it's healthy or unhealthy to express it.

ted first. loved his obsession with sassy telling him he's a mess. I feel like everybody tried to shake ted this season, but it was the wrong approach - ted doesn't respond to being told he should be angrier, or that he has to win. it's not who he is! but ted does respond to people calling him out on not having it together, and the way that translated in this ep was great. he still hasn't cracked open the nate box, but sassy and beard did drive him to finally talk to michelle. although I would've loved him to be more angry, and actually call her out on the unethical aspect of it and how SHE SHOULD'VE TALKED TO HIM ABOUT BRINGING A PERSON INTO THEIR CHILD'S LIFE, and even hear her response - I'm happy that we got some reaction out of him at all.

next up is the team, which, honestly? my favorite part of the season so far. that scene they glare at nate in a row is FUCKING GOLD!!! and yeah, that anger made them play like shit, but I liked that honestly. I think with the whole zava thing and ted falling apart we've veered too far from The Lasso Way. playing just to win or out of hate isn't supposed to work out for you in this show, because the whole point is that being a good person reaps rewards. loved that they kind of took a hit because now we know there's definitely some well earned wins coming their way!

aaaand rebecca. certainly close on the team's heels as this season's star. her choice to express her anger to ted in HIS words (being uhhh a bit too supportive and optimistic haha) was SO good. and her choice not to go to bex to immediately hurt rupert spoke so much about her and what she's been through. her reeling her anger in to tell him to get his shit together for someone else's benefit? incredible, amazing, 10/10.

the whole keeley arcs this season are actually really disappointing me. I'm not a fan of this disjointed storytelling. first there's the roy breakup, which keeley STILL did not get the chance to grieve on screen, and then there's barbara, which seemed like it was going somewhere for a hot sec but in this episode it's like it didn't happen? and then there's shandy, which??? like, yeah, she majorly fucked up now, there were hints this was coming, but WHERE IS IT GOING, one minute she's doing well and one minute she's fucking it all up? and now jack is just another directionless character (although loved the twist of more women in charge). and keeley/jamie????

some interviews almost explicitly stated there'd be more keeley/jamie this season and that it'd become "less clear who should be with who", but, I'm sorry, I'm really let down by this writing. keeley/jamie are obviously not endgame and if somehow they are, this is HIMYM syndrome and the writers are deaf to their audience. which means jamie is just a device to further the keeleyroy drama and it's TIRING, and it's annoying, and he's been doing so well and deserves better. like yeah jamie is more accountable now? but also he and keeley are muuuuch better off as platonic, as evidenced by the growth they've had SPECIFICALLY when not fucking.

last but not least before we touch on nate - the trent slow burn with all the lingering looks on colin are a nice touch. I think the way they toned down the drama from last episode's cliffhanger really puts things into perspective, and lets the viewer observe locker room homophobia from an outsider's pov.

nate, my behated ♥️ the decision to let nate be awkward and fumbling and remorseful again was SO WELL DONE. his transition into a west ham baddie was too extreme, and I simply could not see them come back from it - so letting his soft sides show was just the right call. like, fuck if I forgive him for all his shit? man needs to get some fucking therapy and take accountability for his actions. and ted needs to get the fuck over his trauma and CALL NATE OUT. but this way, with these glimpses of the old nate showing, and his willingness to apologize so early on even before the illusion breaks, I can sort of see how a redemption arc could be possible.

[robinasnyder]

Okay, but, what if Jason doesn't remember who he is and he knows he has daddy issues and Talia uses this? She's like "oh, here's my son. I want him to meet his father, but his father keeps adopting boys and not taking care of them. I'm worried he'll reject Damian over this pretender who already comes from wealth and doesn't need anything from the Bat. It's a vanity project for him. And I'm worried because the last boy's killer is still out there."

And Jason "dramatic and mad about it" Todd, runs off to Gotham to take his daddy issues out on Bruce in Damian's name. Beats the shit out of Tim Drake who would dare to steal another child's spot when he already has parents. Also, Tim's now part of the Joker murder plan. Rather than it being "him or me" it's "joker or timmy. Pick 1, I kill the other". (Really, it's more like "if this asshole picks the kid, I'm taking him with me back to Nanda Parbat, Damian deserves to get his kicks in, and Timmy's smart enough to make a good servant/ninja for Damian and Talia, meanwhile I'llcome back to Gotham and kick Batman's ass", but he's not saying that outloud.)

Anyway, yada yada, fight happens, Hood's helmet comes off, batman breaks the mask, he suddenly realizes it's *Jason* and he's like "Jason?" With a surprised and broken voice, and Joker starts cackling about how the bird he killed is back and how much fun.

Jason's getting a migraine from mixed memories. He's not paying attention. Tim gets out of his restraints, gives Jason a sedative and Batman and Robin manage to get Jason home and put the Joker away.

Jason wakes up in the cave so fucking confused, except that there's Tim who's like "you said Bruce had another kid. Where is he? You keep Bruce distracted by being all sad and angry, I'll get the kid and you Wayne boys can be a happy family."

Jason, waking up realizing that there's so much wrong and he's very confused because his memories are coming back, and oh yeah, he beat this kid for the crime of existing in proximity to Batman, and the kid's rattling off about how Dick will finally come home because his brother's back and he gets a new baby brother too and he'll be so happy to have a whole family.

"So what, you just go home afterwards?" Jason asks, the first words he's spoken since he got knocked out.

And Tim's like "well, I'll keep Robin until you or the kid's ready, and I'll just go full time with the Titans." There's strain in his eyes, and Jason's too disoriented to stop the plan, but is also pretty sure that Bruce Wayne shouldn't be allowed kids if it's gonna turn out like this with all of them.

Tim going to collect Damian, happy to know he's basically got a lock on fixing Bruce, being secretly Big Sad but able to hide it (he isn't). Damian who's already heard Jason chomp at the bit about "Batman doesn't deserve you", also trained to be observant noticing Tim's like that going "perhaps Jason is correct", and Jason being weak because his memories are coming back disjointed and causing raging headaches but he's still trying to fight Bruce because now he's got a lot more beef with Bruce, since he remembers he's the one that wasn't avenged, Damian's about to show up and be heart broken and Tim's a certified mess. Meanwhile, Bruce literally doesn't care if Jason caves his face in because Jason's home, and has also not fully processed the "other kid" part bc he's looking at a miracle. But oh boy, is Bruce's detective about to kick in about the exact second Tim returns with the Batplane and a child.

Red Hood au where Jason has amnesia (thanks to being beaten upside the head before being blown up), but still wants to do his insane revenge plan against Batman. He has no idea why he's beefing with this random ass dude. He just knows he has unresolved daddy issues and pointed it at the most dramatic looking bitch on the East Coast

[aquariusqueen77]

Into My 3-Yr Sobriety Streak 🩸🫁

-69 to -61

Yes, I know. I took so long and now you think I'm flaky. Can you blame me? Mars and Mercury have been in retrograde, Pluto in Aquarius, and I'm an Aquarius- I should know! And don't get me started on the New moon!! It's been a tough time for me. I mean, you relate, right? Your head feeling a little clouded, angry about past situations that you know you'll never forgive, and are emotionally and mentally over it, but somehow not yet entirely.

I mean, what is forgiveness, really? I mean, really? Is it even necessary?? How can you forgive yourself of something disjointed? How hard can you be on yourself? That's so vain. You deserve happiness, don't you think?...So what's up with that overtone floating at the back, the vacuum, like between a half brain and the skull..but still inside the brain...Ugh, who am I kidding? I just lost you, didn't I. You don't get the picture, do you?

----------------

So weeks ago, I was experiencing a mental fog, and of course I was procrastinating most of my projects. It's a "problem" I have. I don't see it that way, I'm just trying to be sensitive to my Neurotypical audience. They call it laziness * laugh *. I don't enjoy it, so I don't get it. Okay, maybe a little. Do you ever get that feeling like your brain time is slow moving and it's like you're lagging but that's only because you have a lot on your mind. Damn, I could use that Provigil!

By the way, Sara Hyland is a great actress, I'm a fan.

----------------------------

Anyways, I lived life normally these past days. I smoked a bit, here and there, once every couple of days. I mean, did you really expect me to be fully sober during the festive season? Who else doesn't wanna be with their family during this period? I've said a lot, and you're probably wondering: why am I "rambling"? Well, I brought up family because it's what touches close to home to most of us whenever pain is brought up? The world is really that fucked up. If you can't relate because you have a loving home and healthy family dynamics, good for you!:) Just try to imagine what I'm about to say because it's worth the mental jog, I promise.

--------------------------------------------

So, when I was experiencing my mental fog, I came across an article on a certain platform I am beginning to love. It was basically about procrastination. Who woulda guessed? * Chuckle * So basically the whole point of the article was to advise the people  watching from the outside looking in not to take things at face value.

What could look like laziness or procrastination to you, would be a mental and emotional struggle for someone else. It could also be something else. Personally, I don't mean to be an overthinker or too optimistic but I believe we live in a vast world full of probabilities and possibilities, nothing is black and white. Actually it just means, I'm open-minded. Wow, why is this even a term used in 2024? Anyways, remember when I told you I met a stranger and we conversed about the recovery journey? What I want to teach you about is pain, but mostly circumstance.

Unfortunately, we're gonna use homeless people as an example- courtesy of the article I read( I can't tag it because I lost track of it and never saved it). I don't know much about homeless people, but like I said earlier, we're going to use our imagination. I am taking you on this journey with me, so we may learn and grow together. Thank you for being here and taking your time to read this, enjoy my thoughts with me. Okay, so why do you think homeless people indulge in drugs but specifically smoking? Would you blame them for it, say they're responsible for their actions, hold them accountable? When a homeless person asks you for some change, do you instantly think, " They're just gonna buy drugs, what's the use?" or " Get out of my face, junkie!"? I'm sure now that I brought the topic up, you're probably contemplating more about it.

----------------

I'm not one to judge people due to their lack of resources, so maybe dive into this empathy route with me? It's a cold night, if we ain't cuddling, watching movies, we're probably lighting it up. Honey, you know smoking doesn't exactly warm you up, right? But it definitely distracts you from such harsh conditions. Shelters, and sleeping outside, are often overcrowded. I'd step out for a sec just to break the monotony or claustrophobia. A cig is definitely a relief.

Homeless people use smoking as a way to deal with hunger pangs as it suppresses appetite. Unfortunately, this helps deal with the problem just for a short while, but it worsens long-term health and nutritional deficiencies.

Nicotine is a stimulant, so it's used to combat fatigue. Can you blame them? The constant physical strain can cause stress, and smoking provides a sense of structure and control in their chaotic life. Smoking is pretty much a social activity, this is a form of bonding or brings about a sense of community when they do it in groups (Aw).

While smoking doesn't alleviate these factors in a significant way, it does serve as a coping mechanism. Addressing these physical hardships would help reduce the smoking rates among the homeless population.

-----------------

Now, let's talk about the multifactorial correlation between smoking and homeless people. We all know this is a coping mechanism for stress. I mean, I do it because of the stress sometimes, so I kind of get it. This makes me feel sad for them. Besides the stress, it's also a way to "deal" with trauma, mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, etc. Due to their limited access to addiction treatment and support services, they often struggle with substance abuse. The habit is way too normalized, so it's easy for one to adapt to it.

I'm sorry to say but homeless individuals are...let me just say, Tobacco companies have historically been known to target vulnerable populations, including those with lower socio-economic status to make smoking more appealing. Wow, they really said, " Brokey!!" I think Imma dive into this one for you because I cannot be called out like this and just sit back and do nothing! So apparently, they market the cheaper cigies specifically to low- income neighbourhoods and basically they're often displayed in convenience stores and offered as promotional deals. As a business woman, it makes sense( I'm not that kinda business woman though), but as a lady who enjoys a smoke once in a while, I am appalled. Damn, so free samples are given out to homeless shelters, etc., and where low-income individuals congregate. Studies show that communities with higher poverty rates often have more Tobacco advertisements per square mile compared to affluent areas. Advertising campaigns often frame smoking as "affordable luxury" or a mental escape from stress and what not, I mean, who wouldn't fall for that?

Tailored products- smaller ones to those who can't afford the normal sized ones. I actually have experienced this, years back I would order the King Size Sportsman. They were around for a couple of months then disappeared. Quite frankly I loved it because it was more refined compared to the smaller sizes. It was worth it! Now, I haven't seen smoking ads...quite frankly, I don't think I've ever seen one, that I remember..all this is from research( just the ads part)...I just see them in movies. Anyways, so apparently, smoking is portrayed as a form of independence or rebellion. I mean, it does feel that way ngl. It felt that way for me, sometimes, in the past. But unfortunately/apparently, the ads did this to target individuals, that felt marginalized or excluded from the mainstream society. Tobacco companies sponsor events or provide funding for initiatives in low-income areas, I know right? It looks harmless. It's actually ironic and hypocritical, but I would also say, good, good. I mean, isn't smoking just matrix behavior?

I feel bad for them, because if one wanted to quit, it'd be so hard, because of all the barriers in place- lack of access to healthcare, resources like nicotine replacement therapies, etc. Like I mentioned earlier, and definitely don't mind repeating( I'm doing this intentionally), the overlap between homelessness and mental health issues contribute to higher smoking rates. While cigarettes are costly, individuals prefer instant gratification over other expenses due to Nicotine's addictive nature.

In conclusion, besides high smoking rates worsening long-term health, it also strains limited financial resources, perpetuating the cycle of poverty and homelessness.

----------------------------------------------

I'll make sure to bring up how we can deconstruct this and help break this matrix. What's the use of knowledge/awareness, if we won't do something about it, right?

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

the inner conflict

today I don't know if I want peace or justice

if I'll find peace if I release justice

if I'll find justice is I choose peace

I don't know what I want

and I hate thinking about what I want

I like to be inspired but that isn't how the court system works

in the courts you have to be strategic

and I've always been one who cools in a crisis

a crisis has a nice way of inspiring you

I have to remember this meeting is about information

I have to keep my mind balanced

my left arm and shoulder is so tense

not even a twenty minute hype session in the shower

could relax the fury that I still remember in my muscles

but the ibuprofen seems to be doing the trick

and I'm really glad I'm not bleeding

we don't need extra hormones influencing the outcome

maybe I'll know what I want after this meeting

maybe I need some breakfast

maybe I'll be able to think better with more data

right now I just have my story and dcoumentation

I can protect myself and I know I'm capable

I'm bringing a notebook and pen to take notes

I rubbed my body down with frankincense and myrrh

and understand why the wisemen brought them for jesus

it smells so damn good that I can forget about

what it took to get to this point and keep my composure

part of me would bruise my knuckles on his face

just once to make all I suffered worth something

part of me wants to take the money and run

throw him back into my accidental reverse harem

and deal with him like a shitty concubine

if you're going to put me in my masculine

don't expect me to be an empress

my flaming sword and crown of sorrows do not

in any way balance the scales in your favor

but once upon a time I wanted them to

and my dreams were killed with emotional violence

that's fine though because this architect will build new ones

and I'll thank you for the inspiration after I take

the pound of flesh you're going to owe me

I've been avoiding thinking about this

it was too big and too painful and I was too angry

now I'm just tired and hungry and need caffine

I guess today is about gathering information

and I'll gather it and I'll weigh heart and feather

make some sort of pro and con list

freedom is expensive but it's worth it

you can't take my honor but I'll still defend it

someone has to and nothing you ever did

showed me the dignity that I was owed

in the last four years of this marriage

but I don't have to decide anything today

just listen and learn about my opponents

look into their souls and make note of their weaknesses

smile with my easy charm and surprise them with my wit

I wonder if I can make you give us a show

say a few words that get you to rip off your mask

could be playfully amusing to make you humiliate yourself

and it doesn't take much because you're rotten inside

empty and siphoning wives in a pattern

the urge to destroy you is still part of my blood

but I won't be impulsive about it

and it's lessening the further you are from my life

this could be a way to make sure you never fuck with me

but you won't anyways because at the end of the day

you know whenever we get into it who limps away

it used to be me, didn't it?

I love the way your expression changes when you do something

you think is going to bring me back to tears

and you see me slowly smile and meet your gaze

you back off so fast and start running backwards

let's just say all the lions in the cave told me their secrets

every time I clasped my own hands behind my back

when you were breaking down that last version of me

now I think you see them in my eyes when you try it

I don't even have to roar at you anymore

I just purr and you get so disjointed

it's all going to be okay

prophets only get stronger when they die

it does take a bit of time for a resurrection

but I'm strong enough for this now

today I can just be the trojan horse

odysseus will keep his hand over achilles' mouth

though I wouldn't put it past him to bite it

I think we got lost in the metaphors

I'm hungry and I'm gonna be fine

[cawecho]

YELL TO ME ABT PRE AND POST-TADPOLE SICARIUS!!! WHAT CHANGED WHAT STAYED THE SAME WHERE DID HE GET HIS NAME FROM Literally anything u wanna talk abt

(also slightly unrelated but he reminds of an orca a little bit idk if that was intended or not but i think thats really neat!!!!)

hi, OOPS this ended up being a little long, I am employing the keep reading button for the sake of the dash

I had been trying to figure out how to articulate it but after thinking on it for a while, I think the biggest immediate change really comes down to confidence (for a lack of a better word???)

Before the tadpoling, Sicarius knew his place in the world. He knew exactly who and what he is, what his (literally!) divine purpose was and how to approach it. He did everything with intention. He acted on his Father's will, and his will was inevitable.

After, Sicarius is just so utterly lost. Every part of him feels like a disjointed collage of disparate traits. And really compounding that is that before the sense of purpose was so important to him. The transition between a fairly normal child to the leader of his cult was built on the foundation that this is his purpose, this is inevitable, this is necessary as decreed by a higher power and he was made for this. Now it's all the confusion of his first kill with the desensitization of his adulthood. There's no moral question or disgust, just the loss of control and the uncertainty about what his relationship is to what sings in his blood when he kills. If it's how he feels or something foreign.

He's still pragmatic. He still prioritizes what he perceives as necessary over his desires, indulging only when the two align. Though before 'necessary' was mostly comprised of Father's will and the road to it, now the concept grows muddier. He's still a stranger to his needs. He still has the curiosity and love of learning, that before the tadpoling had mostly been sated by picking apart the dead and working out what makes the human body tick and all it's intricacies. He still calls nightwear/PJs jimjams. He still gets possessive when he's invested in or curious about someone before he starts to care, but there never stops being an emphasis on mine when he says my friend, my lover, me and mine. He still expresses love with acts of service and bullying. He still struggles to do things if he doesn't understand why he's doing it and what the point of it is. He still has a soft spot for creatives of all types. He still gets irrationally angry if you suggest he give creative endeavors a shot. He still thinks that the concept of having respect for the dead is stupid and dumb. He still, despite having no memory of why, firmly believes he can't die.

There's also how hunger is love is violence. Does that make any sense? It's all one enmeshed thing for him, deeply intertwined, it's all obsession and need steeped in some shade of red

As for the name, I swear I read something related to Bhaal that mentioned it and it stuck with me but I can't remember what the other contents of that text was and I cannot find it again for the life of me. It's also Latin for murderer, assassin. It's also a genus of spider, which the entire family of has a necrotic bite! Which I think is so fucking fascinating! I love spiders!! I am also horribly afraid of them and it annoys me so much because they are such cool buggers but my brain acts like I'm going to die from psychic damage if I'm within 5m of them!!! ARHG Anyway, this is also why I decided my Sicarius has a necrotic bite instead of a breath weapon.

In-world though Sceleritas just showed up and started calling him that. Post-tadpoling, he never finds out about the name he grew up with

The orca vibes are not intentional but they are happy accident, it IS neat! I'm still fiddling w his design but I feel like I'm honing in on something I like & it's really nice to see that other people seem to like it too

[omegapheromone]

Is it REALLY a high standard when all I'm asking for is a nice-smelling alpha who's completely captivated by my scent but isn't weirdly obsessive or toxic when I need my own space? Is it? Is it really?

Im gonna rant a bit and this is all just past personal experience and me being bitter so im gonna put it under the cut shjdjfqlf

At this point I'm not even sure I want to date anymore. I'm tired of dealing with creeps and I'm tired of being treated like someone's possession or "territory". The only person I belong to, the only person who has any claim over me, is ME. I can make the conscious choice to be with a person, but that doesn't mean I'm handing over some "ownership" of myself as a person to them. And in the past, every single person I've dated- misce or not- has clearly treated me like an object they own, not a person with their own wants and interests. I've been infantilized and told I can't make choices for myself because "I'm easily swayed by other people" or "my decision-making can't be trusted" and I'm so utterly fucking tired of it.

There's a difference between being protective and being controlling and to me it always feels like alphas often don't know where the line between those is drawn. I don't understand why it's been so hard for my past partners. Expressing concern is one thing, obsessively blowing up my phone every 5 minutes when I'm hanging out with friends is another. Why is it that my past partners have never been able to trust me? If I was going to "cheat" I wouldn't be with them to begin with.

These days I wonder if maybe THEY were the ones doing the cheating and that's why it was projected onto me so often- couldn't spend any amount of time alone with my friends, or else they would accuse me of things that seem so stupid in hindsight. Did these people really not understand the differences between platonic affection and romantic feelings? Even when I clearly expressed I've never seen my friends in a sexual/romantic light, why'd I get accused of so much shit? To the point where I was forced to cut off certain friends entirely, until I was almost entirely isolated, just for the peace of mind of some asshole who thought that because I'm an omega, I will jump at any random stranger I find even remotely attractive?

I don't know. I'm ranting, and so annoyed. This isn't anything recent, I haven't been in a relationship, or even a situationship, for a few years now. I swore off it after a break-up with someone I thought was good for me, but turned out to be mutually toxic. I think the only reason I was so into them at the time was because anything was better than my abuser back then, and it was a "way out" and away from said abuser. It sucks because I wasn't at my best, clearly, and it just didn't work out- that person wasn't a bad person, just had their own issues as well.

Thinking back, I just feel angry that I only grew a spine recently. I could've saved myself from so much hurt if I'd just cut my abuser off when I first started feeling suffocated with him. If I hadn't fallen for all the "woe-is-me"s, "don't-abandon-me"s and "I-can't-live-without-you"s, I might've found someone actually worth my time. At this point I'm just getting older and most of the people around me are settling down with their partners, while I'm on my own- it's not necessarily a bad thing, just a small point of insecurity and loneliness for me, because I sort of feel like my abusers consumed everything desirable about me and now I'm just "leftovers" nobody really wants to have.

Eughh this rant is so disjointed and makes no sense. I'm just pissed off over memories and my past self. And astonished that my standards are "high" when all I'm really asking for is someone who's genuinely into me and isn't a shitty, abusive person. Also would be nice if my occasionally very low libido was understood as just a part of me and how my brain works after trauma, and I wasn't forced to perform in bed when I'm not in the mood at all, just to keep someone's ego in tact.

[sunshine304]

It's been forever, I'm very sorry, I know I said fifty times that this post would happen soon, soo uhhh...

Let’s go! - So, the eunuch Chu Tianyu (yes, I yet again had to look up his name) has killed Huo Lintao and is now fighting with my beloved Mu Xiaoqiao. Even though Mu Xiaoqiao is a swishy king, eunuch still manages to steal the seal from him, boooo! >:-( But what we learn is that MXQ’s fighting style is detrimental to his health.

- Chen Zichen is useless as always and has to be rescued by A’Fei and Xie Yun. *heavysigh* But Zichen at least has good taste and makes heart eyes at her. XY is not impressed.

Yin Pei is there?!?! Chuchu recognizes him but he doesn’t do anything about it, he only wants to find Ding Kui. Okay then.

Chu Tianyu now confronts A’Fei and Xie Yun and blabs about the Bone Piercing Blue, because of course he does. He loves to gloat. That actor sure is good at being smarmy. And of course Chen Zichen arrives too… OMG that kid is so superfluous most of the time…

Anyway, fighting ensues! The editing in this ep is really really bad. Half the time I don't even know where the people they seem to be fighting are coming from because they sure as hell weren't there in the wide shot we just saw etc. Oh boy.

Aw fuck, XY unlocks his internal force to help A’Fei which, as we all know, is very very bad for him.

But then Ying Hecong arrives to finally take revenge on Disha and he poisons Chu Tianyu. Muahahaha good riddance! But couldn’t you have arrived a bit earlier for fuck’s sake?

Soooo .. we don’t get to see the fight between Ding Kui and Madam Nichang nor between Ding Kui and Yin Pei. That just happened off screen I guess? ding Kui is now dead? I guess? Oooookay…

Ying Hecong is unfortunately not very helpful while XY is yet again dying. :( Wang Yibo sure has a lot of suffering scenes to do in this drama when he’s not smirking or flirting. XD

Oh no we now have a reverse piggyback scene with A’Fei carrying XY and it’s very sad. T_T It also lasts for an eternity.

- XY has lots of feelings rn. T_T It’s all very very sad as he tells A’Fei that he doesn’t want to be emperor, that he just wants to return with her to 48 Strongholds and be at her side because she has his heart. T_T

- He’s also talking about his fate being pre-determined but A’Fei is angry and isn’t having it. She’s refusing to accept that he’s dying on her. - In his head, XY promises her that though they are parting now, he’ll come back to her in 20 years. T_T A’Fei is exhausted and can’t carry him anymore as he slips off and is, I presume, dead? Or very close to it? It is very very sad. T_T

- Hard scene cut and A’Fei wakes up on a boat steered by an old Buddhist master, Tongming. He talks to her, trying to give her direction in her despair, and reminds her why she practices martial arts in the first place. She decides that she wants to return home and he reveals to her that he’s also got XY on his boat, who is after all not yet dead? I guess, because A’Fei is happy that XY is there and seems to have some hope again.

- Tongming reveals that he used to be XY’s master after all that drama/war went down. Convenient that he showed up there when XY was dying, huh. Anyway, we learn that Xie Yun’s courtesy name is Anzhi (I think we learn it here, I don’t remember if this has been mentioned before, it felt like a big reveal).

- Flashback time! Child!XY doesn’t want to be a prince, he instead wants to be a waiter, a worker, basically anything else. XD Tongming explains to him that these people have to deal with their own hardships, though they are different from those of a prince, and that these people want to be born a prince, so XY, what can we learn from that? A bit of a downer episode I guess. XD Also, the worst editing of fight scenes yet; everything still at the Huo Fort is so disjointed, IDK what happened during the editing process here. Very weird.

[sasukimimochi]

reply got too long so here we go again (pardon if i'm a bit disjointed, the adhd makes it hard to focus on one thing at a time rn):

I think its a little complex but at the same time pretty simple;

at the end of the day wwx didn't take it as insensitive bc the man was finally treating her right and wwx loved her and wanted to see her happy. I don't think he even thought about it being insensitive- I don't think Yanli did either, because she knows/loves wwx & loves jin zixuan.

We know wwx talked about being involved in yanli's wedding, he was always super excited to see her happy & in love and he shows how upset he is, albeit subtly, while eating with lwj. He starts drinking more, he talks (in lack of better terms) in a depressed manner kind of like how you would expect an alcoholic to (which i won't go too into- but i really do think wwx had a drinking problem and i think even he addresses it after lwj/wwx have a misunderstanding towards the end), revealing how he and jc had always talked about making her wedding the most grand. He was upset that he wasn't involved and thought he wouldn't be at all, having to hear it from lwj that there was a wedding to be had at all. I think if anything, this would have been the moment he would have been hurt by, but instead i believe more in something like this:

In canon further along (after jin zixuan's death) we know wwx has a moment of weakness as he thinks to himself (through the narration) that he wonders if he should have ever took them to the burial mounds- not a perfect quote here just summary, but yeah- we know wwx is capable of doubting his morals at this point despite him so strongly believing in them. So in that moment, he was probably thinking something similar, even if he agreed with himself he did the right thing: if only i hadn't saved the wens. But he knows this is a bad thought, he knows the dafan wen didn't cause the issues ppl kept pushing on them, so he knows he did right despite these thoughts. So in that moment as he drank and ate with lwj, he was upset because of being separated from them. He was close to them for so long, a little over half his life at that point, and now he couldn't have the things he always wanted because he was protecting a group of innocents from the other clans. He was briefly angry at himself. Upset with his own decision but living with it, because it was right. He would still be affected though bc it was another dream he realized he'd have to give up.

The jin family be damned, Yanli loved jin zixuan. I think it went without saying, as she regularly shielded wwx, that she didn't approve of how zixun treated him and if she had been present when jin guangshan acted out towards him, she probably would have married in anyway because she knows jin zixuan could eventually replace jin guangshan and thus make the clan a better one. She even responds to madam jin saying that she took the disrespect towards wwx very seriously: making her opinion of his mistreatment well known. I believe after jzx confessed, she started to spend a lot more time alone with him and thus, the opportunity for the jins to be extra foul just kind of happened. I think a good portion of what happened still came to her from jzx's and jc's perspective, but unfortunately not wwx's. She always seemed just conveniently placed out of the important scenes, (probably bc she was too good at her job and would have ripped into zixun when he dared to disrespect wwx when he was trying to save innocent lives) but thats a writers pov so i'm just going to get to the next bit.

wwx never felt wronged by yanli, so i don't think we should assume those feelings were there. They were all living in a world where everything was a little fucked up and trying to improve things. being able to see her when he was supposed to be kicked out of the clan for protecting the wens was probably one of the lights on his little path on the way to a terrible end, and they were doing their best. I don't think she brought soup just to temper the waters so to speak, she brought it because it was jc's and wwx's favorite comfort food growing up and she knows wwx misses them. I'm sure getting soup and seeing his shijie in her wedding dress was something positive, and they were just doing what they could to bring each other up!

but anyway, my thoughts were that! the two didn't see it as something bad but something of hope and happiness. Not all was bad, and maybe one day things could get better. Of course, we knew something bad was going to happen beyond what was already there. but they didn't know how bad things would get. It was a temporary and welcome balm, when everything felt wrong.

edit: also, don't get me wrong, i do think wwx would be worried about her, but thats about it. She is very good with her words and wwx has a lot of confidence in her, and a lot of people don't dare treat her badly because of her marrying jin zixuan as well as just being a woman, as bad as that sounds. This is not a modern novel so there is some immunity if only with her gender. (and, she is not described as being anything more than a regular girl in the novel, so she is unlikely to be targeted by jin guang-shit)

I've talked about this before but I like polls so:

I'm curious to read your thoughts!

[naritaren]

Thoughts on Dynamite tonight (since my partner asked):

Under the cut

Fish and Hardy was fun. Setting up for YB/Hardys is cool and probably happens at DoN

HoB and Julia is finally moving somewhere. It's close finally.

Dante and Fenix can run that match back a few more times. Straight fire.

The main event was a weird pace, I assume someone earlier in the show went over because that was a bit rough in terms of pacing. It was still good but something went wrong in the show that screwed the time.

Hangman being feisty and angry is good. The storyline is a bit disjointed at the moment, but I'm guessing that's because of him getting COVID and Punk filming something. If the COVID thing didn't happen this probably would have felt different.

I love Rosa and I love Deeb and I understand that they struggle with live promos, but I think a bit of coaching should be done behind the scenes. Public speaking is hard and I commend them for doing it! But it wasn't an easy thing to sit through as a viewer. I also recognize that English is a fucking nightmare of a language so that doesn't help. But they need practice (which is something I've talked about before with the women) and with AEW it's a lot of trial by fire. Just how it shakes out.

Wardlow is fun to watch and I'm glad this storyline is about to wrap up. I'm ready to see him tear shit up properly.

BCC is fun and I can't wait for them to get the trios titles second (after HoB). Just sucks that we're waiting for Kenny to come back to get trios titles. Has me concerned that the Elite will get them and that feels like a bad look to me. They don't need to have them. Just because they're EVPs doesn't mean they need to have the first or second turn with the titles. I also think BCC will focus on getting Lee next because Yoots will be busy with the NJPW stuff.

A few random notes because I'm at a point where I've forgotten what else happened tonight:

Having that women's match lead off Rampage, especially at such an early start time, is a Big Deal. TK has talked about how important the lead in is for the shows, which is why we haven't had any ladies kick the show off. The fact we're getting that in a risky time slot is not to be dismissed. There are valid criticisms about the women's division, but the fact he's letting this happen should be talked about more. This is showing trust in the women.

I'm writing my final paper for one class on AEW and some of the more technical things are interesting to read about. TK is an analytics nerd and I guarantee the reason the women's division has been stifled has to do with the analytics behind viewership during certain times of the show. (Bear with me here)

I have been a hockey fan my whole life. I also love "fancy stats" which is a big talking point in hockey. A lot of the analytics dudebros in hockey seem to miss the humanity part of things. That means that they stare at the numbers and only the numbers. It means they do things in a certain way because that's what the numbers say to do.

I would argue that TK might be guilty of doing this. It would explain the PiP during women's matches as well as the placement of the matches on the card. Viewership dips during commercials and it's likely that the viewership also dips during women's matches so TK does the PiP there because it makes sense according to the numbers. This is something that he needs to work on and I think he needs to bring in someone to help with the booking for the women. You just can't be stats focused when dealing with humans. It stifles the product and leads to some weird booking choices. TK has a background in finance and numbers, not social sciences. He desperately needs someone with that background to help with decisions. (I am almost done with a MBA that focuses on the humanistic part of business. TK wanna hire me?)

Just my thoughts.

[kiara-carrera]

“I'm a mess” + Leah and JJ!

95: i'm a mess + mayson

thank you for continuously aiding my obsession with them. i'm actually really happy with how this came out omfg. very much not canon compliant to the actual fic and clueless (slightly jealous) babies. also weed, if you're not down with that (the smoking stuff is also probably v poorly written because i've never smoked in my life lmao).

"Is that my shirt?"

Leah nearly fell out of the hammock. She practically jumped out of her skin, one hand grabbing onto the side and the other clutching the joint she'd rolled a few minutes earlier. Her head whipped around to see JJ walking up to the trees outside the Chateau, an amused grin on his face.

"Jesus fuck, J. Don't sneak up on people like that," Leah whined, flipping him off as he came to a stop in front of her. He grabbed the side of the hammock, stopping it from swinging aggressively as she regained her balance.

"My shirt," he repeated, tugging at the sleeve of it.

She glanced down at the Pelican Marina shirt as if she just remembered she was wearing it. She'd randomly grabbed it from his room when she got back to the Chateau with John B, having ditched the party — and technically JJ? — at the boneyard. "Oh yeah, I got beer all over mine."

He raised an eyebrow, confused.

"Long story," she dismissed with a wave of her hand. Specifically, the one with her lit joint, which didn't go unnoticed by JJ.

"And you took my weed, too?" he exclaimed, eyeing the joint in her hand. Even buzzed, JJ had about thirteen issues with the way it was assembled, but rolling was never Leah's strong suit.

"No." She gave him a mischievous grin, shooting a conspiratorial wink. "It's John B's."

JJ chuckled at her expression, gasping with pride as he slapped a hand over his chest. “My little klepto! I've trained you well."

She shrugged. "I spotted him money for the last keg, he owes me. Wanna smoke it with me?"

JJ eyed her poor craftsmanship, but ultimately accepted with a shrug. Leah tried her best to keep still as JJ climbed into the hammock, sitting back against the other end to be across from her. The swayed a bit before he finally settled in, slotting one of his legs between hers.

She held out the joint to him, waving it tauntingly in front of him. JJ chuckled, plucking it from her fingers.

He took a quick hit, cringing when he let the smoke free. "This is shit weed."

"That's because John B bought it."

" ... Fair enough."

They sat in comfortable silent for a few minutes, passing the joint back and forth as the very beginnings of a nice mellow feeling started to creep into Leah's veins. She tried her best to blow a smoke ring, but it came out more like a disjointed blob.

JJ snorted. “Weak."

"Dick," she grumbled, kicking her foot into his calf.

He rolled her eyes at the childish action, before posing a question. "Wanna tell me why I had to walk my ass back here tonight?"

Right. They'd ditched him. Whoops?

Okay, look, they had a reason. One of them being an absolutely trashed John B. He rarely got piss drunk but on the occasions that he did, there was a high chance he'd either do something really stupid or fall dead asleep and Leah had preferred to have him fall asleep at home then on the beach for her and the other's to drag him to the van.

Plus, JJ's attention had been firmly elsewhere at the time.

"Yeah, John B got a little too drunk and I was covered in beer and Kie and Pope have to work tomorrow so we decided to call it," she answered, feeling slightly guilty that they'd bailed on him. She gave him a regretful smile. "We were gonna get you, but you seemed ... preoccupied."

From the start of the party, some girl had practically latched herself onto JJ, and as usual, he lapped up all the attention. Leah didn't blame the girl. JJ was probably the hottest guy on the island, but Leah didn't really want to see him making out with some girl right in front of her.

But, uh, not that she cared. Obviously.

She changed the subject, trying not to sound like some bitter little baby. "So we just, uh, left. Pope said he texted you to let you know."

Pope definitely did not text JJ, but the blond wasn't going to fault him for it. No harm, no foul, especially since he most likely drove home with Kie tonight. God knows Pope was ass over elbows for their friend.

JJ nodded slowly a few times, like he was bobbing his head to an invisible beat. He could already tell he wasn't going to get a good high from John B's shit stash, but at least the keg at the boneyard had gotten him buzzed enough.

The keg, which reminded him of something. "Speaking of beer — "

"We weren't speaking of beer."

"Speaking, thinking, same difference," JJ dismissed, giving a nudge to her leg. "Why were you covered in beer again?"

Leah groaned, letting her head toss back in annoyance. "Fucking Kooks, that's why."

JJ frowned. "I mean, sure, but how ... ?"

Leah sighed, taking one last hit before leaning forward to hand him the joint. When she let the smoke go, she said, "Well, there was this guy I was with for most of the night. I don't know if you saw me after we ditched keg duty."

Oh, JJ had noticed. He definitely fucking noticed.

"He looked like a preppy asshole," he commented, trying to seem nonchalant. It was a wonder Leah bought it, because really he just sounded like a petty little bitch. He brought the joint to his lips, asking, "What happened to your no Kook rule?"

"He was a Touron," Leah replied. "A rich-y rich one, but a Touron all the same."

"But I thought you said — "

"Kook comes in later," she told him. She adjusted her position in the hammock, playing with the hem of JJ's shirt. "Although the Touron was actually a preppy asshole, so you're not really wrong. I mean, he seemed nice at first? But he was also ridiculously boring and full of himself. Ended up being a total dick."

"So basically he was a Kook without the Figure Eight address?"

"Pretty much. So anyways, we're talking and he's mostly going on about himself, which, like, fine, whatever, I was just waiting for him to wanna make out with me anyways — " She didn't notice the way JJ's eyes narrowed just a bit. " — And some fucking Kook drunk off his ass knocks into us and his beer spills all over me."

JJ let out a low whistle. "That blows."

"Oh, definitely. So my shirt's fucking drenched, like, I'm a mess, right? And you'd think any halfway decent person would like, I don't know, be good about the situation? Nope, the fucker decided it would be a great time to make a wet t-shirt contest joke about my boobs. Or, according to him, lack thereof."

Leah rolled her eyes as she laughed at the stupidity of it all, leaning over to snatch the joint back, taking another hit off it. She'd been pissed at first, but the look on his face when she dumped her drink on him was enough to ease her mind.

JJ on the other hand didn't seem as amused. "You're kidding me, right?"

"Like I said, total dick."

"You should've come and got me, would've had him on his ass."

The angry look in JJ's eyes was enough to make a soft smile break across Leah's face. That alone seemed to dim some of the irritation in his expression.

"Easy there, killer," she told him, leaning up to pat him on his leg. "I already threw the rest of my drink at him."

JJ conceded with a grumble, a part of him slightly amused at the thought, but he still muttered, "Still could use his ass kicked though."

"He could've, but I also don't need you fighting every guy who so much as looks at me the wrong way," she snorted. "Besides, I think you're forgetting I have a very nice right hook of my own."

The mental image of Leah socking Rafe Cameron in the face was enough to make them both burst out laughing.

It was a few minutes before all the laughter was out of their systems and they were back to a mellow quiet, the sounds of crickets chirping filling the air.

"So why were you even hanging out with him if he was such a boring dick?"

Because you had your tongue down that girl's throat.

She didn't really know how to answer his question without verging on embarrassing, friendship destroying, Pogue rule number one breaking honesty.

"Boredom? I don't know. Just looking for someone to hook up with, I guess," she replied, not really noticing how he bristled at her answer. Instead, she took an opportunity to try her hand at another smoke right, squealing in delight when a wonky, yet undeniably round ring blew from her lips. "Look!"

JJ grinned at the childlike wonder in her eyes, swaying slightly as she made the hammock swing a little with her excited bounces. He shook his head at her, watching her slip back to rest more comfortably in the hammock, her legs nudging his every so often. His gaze was absentmindedly fixed on the sight of his shirt on her when she cut into his thoughts.

"So, uh, how come you're not with ... " Leah trailed off. She didn't know the girl's name nor did she really want to. She was also worried if she kept going, a twinge of jealousy would leak into her words.

She was totally not jealous, though, by the way. Just to make that clear.

"Just wasn't really vibing," JJ said casually.

In all honesty, he'd only really stopped vibing when he saw that stupid fucking tourist all over Leah. The guy had looked like a dick and her story pretty much proved it, but the sight of them had tanked his mood incredibly. So when his own Touron had invited him back to the place she was staying, JJ bailed.

There were only so many times you could hook up with other people while thinking of the same goddamn person, especially when you shouldn't — no, couldn't be thinking about that person.

Because they were your best friend and you were a fucking idiot.

"Oh."

He leaned over, plucking the joint from her fingers. He took a hit, letting the smoke seep out of his mouth after a moment. He tried to play the situation off, grinning at her. "Eh, not a big deal. Besides, why would I want to be there when I can chill with my best friend?"

The words best friend hung in the air between them.

Neither one of them liked the way it sounded.

Neither one of them had the guts to do anything about it.

[misterbitches]

being a fan of chengren is a death sentence it seems like bc this story is so poorly written and disjointed that we get NO FUCKING TIME WITH THEM and im not joking but xing si and the rapist dude and that awful family take up way too much time in the sense that it honestly sours your feelings for a bit. i skip around a lot but sometimes i want to laugh at how stupid and mind-boggling it is but i realize how much that dampens my feelings when i get to the people i want to see. and a show shouldnt be like that, even with questionable characters. it just sucks and i think a big part of it is how contradictory the message of the show is as well. you have this imperfect couple in a really weird genre and a horrible series but they can get their main relationships (usually) uh i wouldnt say right. but they are there.

everything about chengren is so fucking opposite? there's also just how fucking awkward they made the writing when their conclusion was of course what they were hinting at (sometimes i'm like so did half of you like go to film school or are experienced in the field if you didnt—cos it's a fucking racket and a scam—because sometimes it's like oh gee some decent production but mostly it's like did ANY of you read the LAST SCENE you JUST WROTE?) like imagine how much better of a time we could have spent without the top/bottom discourse particularly since htey directly tied it to rape.

which is another thing, i get that this is fetishization and projection of patriarchy and bullshit of the highest order but for the love of god it literally harms every single group you're purporting to support with the constantly conflation of sexuality with LITERAL SEX especially especially when it comes to consent. people aren't gay or attracted to people on the spectrum or same-sex or whatever because of trauma nor do they have to be set in stone. i mean i have to critique the genre as a whole when i comment because without the whole shitty structure it could be different but it isn't and that's what happens when shit is appropriated and removed from its owners so the people in these groups want nothing to do with it mostly, which is evident.

as a woman/as women it's okay to acknowledge that too like we are being voyeurs in a sense watching this, i mean we are participating in the shit, but like exploitation is par for the course. the thing is it rests on OUR exploitation as well because it is about women and yes that's fucked up and strange but that is literally capitalism at work. that's why this is so easy to spread and it's soft power.

but then to get to the point after 8 episodes about a dick going in a butt the writers are like "oh these grown men actually know how to have conversations we totally forgot that they can talk about sex and be done with this convo in two seconds"

TO BE FAIR....that was a good convo and it was a good conclusion since they included it at every turn in the worst way possible. i have one more complaint (probably more) but when muren is drugged or whatever the frame of anson chen's body / his back when teng teng sees him gives me nightmares. it is so visually unappealing and i'm angry that someone looked at that frame and the blocking and went "this is good yes" his body makes no sense in that shot and it isn't sensual he reminds me of a fucking titan and i don't like it. UGH THEY SHOULD HAVE RAISED THE CAMERA OR SOMETHING. IT GIVES ME NIGHTMARES.

we all need to talk to the production team. i don't know how much credit i can give them (i'll go with none until they pay off my film school debt) because the actors carry so much weight for why we like chengren. i think because they are older, more comfortable as actors, so the stupid shit they say seems more plausible. and because the two can play off each other and have that comfort it really seems like them. they also make these stupid lines of dialogue their own. there's lots of room for improvement, i think on anson's part especially, but even if they say things that are just ridiculous, we don't have so much cringe. idk because i know that the rest of the show is just so fucking dumb and im like....idek i cannot give anyone but them (anson, charles) credit (oh and the poor crew members like lighting and shit who had to stand around for this garbage my god)

sadly i think they may be my fav couple from history. which is really saying something because this is an ACTUAL nightmare.

[yuvon-writes-letters]

Hey guys,

Yu, Rai and both Jakes.

Actually..If I talk about my feelings I'm pretty well. Don't tell Jake I said that, but I couldn't be happier about our situation. I mean, we can talk again. Without me being kidnapped and finding a weird Tumblr profile of him. (Which we think was a set up by one of the entities of my world since he obviously doesn't have one. Jake thinks it was goldies doing, I on the other hand don't believe that. Don't ask me why, but it feels like goldie wouldn't do that. And it didn't help me either but only made problems. I was distracted because I was writing the profile (you read it, right Yu? I don't know about the others) and angry. Like, really angry.)

Putting that aside, Jake called me, like he promised :) And it was the longest phone call I had for some time. Most of the time I talked and he didn't get distracted once, just listened to me and everything that happened. And then he started cursing, which is kind of understandable. He apologised for being into stasis. And for this other version from before the 'time setting back' thing. Because I don't find a name I'll call it TSB from now on.

The only problem I have now is going to work, I guess I'll take me some vacation...But at least I'm not as scared of the raven-ass anymore. I mean, I still am, but in the moment I know his steps. And I am not alone.

Jake, I intentionally write the next part in red, please don't read it. That's for Yu.

I know you think that Jake sees you as a threat. If it still is like you wrote in the letter. Jake knows that, too and he doesn't like it. You know him better than I do, of course, but without saying too much...I think it's quite the opposite. Talk to him about that. Even though it's probably not the best circumstances I think he enjoys being with you :)

The next part, purple (damn, I need more coloured pens), is for you Jake.

You already told me that you don't like that Yu thinks you see her as a threat. I only have to say one thing, if it still is like that, talk to her about it. Earlier than later.

The new thoughts about the blood ritual are really interesting. But please don't put yourself in this danger (or not, but I think it's understandable what I mean?) if it isn't necessary. But I also agree with Rai, I thought the same thing for a while. That you desired having someone, Jake, with you. It sounds plausible.

What more was there...Wait, let me reread the letters.

Oh yeah, Rai! One, till now my crow crew seems to still be in stasis (Jake realised that now, too) and two..Please try to take care of your health, yeah? I'm worried for you.

Lis🐾🔥

Ps. Damn...I'm writing this exactly when I wanted to leave the house (I mean, I sadly cannot hide my face forever).

Two new things...I got a message. I mean, it was a threat (because I am the obviously the bad girl that kidnapped Hannah), but I don't care. Maybe that means the stasis is slowly dissolving!

But number 2...I didn't get the vacation. My boss called me almost immediatly. "Under no circumstances [a word is blacked out] Liska. We have July and Alice, Tim and Jenny all want to take free time, too. You are one of our best workers and we can't afford you leaving now. You have no children so you have to wait. Also Max told me that you don't have any problems in family."

So long story short: He wants me to be there tomorrow. Argh, if he would pay me like he's talking that would awesome. And I'll kill Max when I see him next time. (My cousin that thought it was fun to try and steal my work so we both got the rank of 'one of the best workers'. The only problem: Max' title is official. -.- Overall, I'm so much more annoyed than some time earlier. Maybe I should ask Jake for help

Lis,

Okay, the Crow Crew drama is fading a bit, so I'll answer this now. Sorry if I seem disjointed at all, I'm probably going to be going back and forth from conversations to this letter a lot. I can't afford to have them all think I'm compromised, I need to focus on getting out of here and I don't want to deal with their pressure on top of everything else.

Yeah, I don't think the Tumblr profile was Goldie either. Goldie seems to try to be very much a "hands off" sort of entity, like my own. The Tumblr profile thing seems a little out of character for at least my Jake. At least, publicly answering your submission certainly was, though he may have panicked since you sent it in on anon and answered publicly without really thinking about it. I guess I could see him having a Tumblr profile for purposes of following people on social media and watching what they post, though. And then deciding he likes the media and posting a little bit of impersonal things that can't lead back to him. Probably my Jake will say something about that when I hand this letter over to him, stay tuned.

Yeah, I at least read some of the things you sent that profile, and I showed what I had to my Jake too. I'm not sure if I read all of it, since it was a bunch of printed-out screenshots in an envelope, but I read the ask where you told him you hated him (fair at that point but ouch that's got to have hurt) up to when you said you'd found Hannah. After that you sent me your letter telling me time had turned back and the Tumblr screenshots ended.

I'm glad you and Jake managed to talk things out. I was sort of worried about how he'd react, but it sounds like he took it pretty well, considering. I'm... not exactly sure he should be apologizing for the stasis, though. Or the TSB!Jake. Maybe especially not the TSB!Jake. Jakes seem to be oddly different from timeline to timeline, just based on what I've seen of them. TSB has been one of the most different so far.

Oh. One thing I should mention that you might not have seen from the profile: The MWAF used your phone to mock the TSB account, and mentioned that TSB wasn't the only person who could hack, and the MWAF blocked TSB from finding your location. Might want to warn your Jake about that.

A vacation sounds like a good idea :/ It's really hard to go back to normal life right after tragedies or trauma. It feels like the world keeps moving on and you're still stuck in place, and you just want to scream at them that they need to slow down, can't they see that the world is

Good. I'm glad you don't feel alone. It's easier to deal with this stuff when you're with someone else, even if it's not physically.

(Jake, my Jake I mean, if you're reading over my parts of these letters skip to the ||| now please.) I'm not saying he doesn't also enjoy my company. I can tell he does. That doesn't make me not a threat. Like how early on I suspected Thomas, but still thought he was a nice guy and enjoyed talking to him. (Obviously I don't suspect him any more XD ) Still, if you think I should talk with him about it, I'll try to find a tactful way to bring it up.

Yes, because obviously tact is my greatest strength. Sigh.

Like I said to Rai, the underlying desire thing is definitely possible. That'd either mean I'm more obvious about how I feel for Jake than I think I am (very possible, I'm not great at hiding how I feel in person) or the entity has some level of telepathy/mind reading. The reason is that chessboard. Since Jake likes chess, it's clear at least to me the entity expected him to come here at some point. I THINK, if the underlying desire thing is true, I can manipulate myself into wanting specific things by doing things like writing it over and over and repeating it out loud when doing the ritual, but I'm not sure.

|||

It's probably good that your Crow Crew is in stasis, like how it's objectively probably good my outside life is going on without me. Less drama, less pressure.

Huh. The harassment is definitely a promising sign. Maybe you should try contacting Darkness again, same way as I suggested near the beginning? That feels so long ago, but it really can't have been much more than a week, can it?

You... didn't get the vacation. Fucking hell. Is there ANY way you can convince your boss? You really should have time off. Maybe your Jake can help you come up with ideas.

Or at least maybe he can come up with a way to have your boss give you a bonus for your trouble -_-

Oh shit Cleo's interrogating me I'm gonna hand this to Jake now

(The handwriting changes to Jake's.) Hello, Lis.

I agree with Yuvon: "TSB" acts markedly different from myself. There would be no benefit from me promising to be there to find you in the moment, and indeed I would have been falling for a very transparent trap. Even in my possible state of panic, I cannot see myself being there physically, much less revealing myself physically to authorities in the process, unless I was playing the role of bait in a counter-trap. While it is plausible that this was TSB's plan, TSB gave no indication that Yuvon or I could tell that this was the case. Of course, I would have done my best to be there physically in the aftermath of the kidnapping, but not in the moment.

I also agree that the Tumblr profile seems to be out of character for both myself and for "Goldie", though I hesitate to judge TSB's actions by what I myself would do. I seem to vary in surprising ways across universes and even from timeline to timeline, based solely on your current Jake's reactions thus far. I do actually own a Tumblr profile for the exclusive purpose of following social medias I wish to track, but I used a random username generator website for the username and not my own name, and I certainly never posted anything.

The news about the MWAF being able to hack is new to me; I must have missed that the first time I read through the screenshots. That is quite troubling. I suppose I will need to be more careful in future.

I am sincerely sorry your request for a vacation was rejected. I do not know how much you intend to separate your personal life and the Duskwood case, but if your stasis is truly wavering, you may be able to reveal some measure of the danger you are in to convince him to let you flee the area for a small while. Especially since you mentioned in your Tumblr post that you saw a raven note in your wor

Oh.

You need to leave that place. Now. Do not inform your employer of the danger you are in, reveal nothing to him or to anyone, take unpaid time off if you need to. Get your cousin and anyone else you care overly much about out of there too. Invalidate any information you can your employer or coworkers knows about you. Do not tell the truth to anyone, even your cousin. Make up any excuses you need to, ask your Jake for help with ideas if you need to. You may also wish to check that the coworkers your boss listed who are going on vacation are ACTUALLY going on vacation.

This is a priority, Liska. You need to tell your Jake all of this too, especially the part with the note in your workplace. You need to get out of there.

Good luck.

—Jake & Yuvon

(The letter tucks itself into the paper clip with the others.)

[sally-mun]

As someone who hasn't, wouldn't, and won't be experiencing Major/Minor (or whatever it was called) could you perhaps analyze more specifically some of the things you felt were missteps more in depth, so others who decide they might want to make a visual novel or even just a story, might be able to avoid the same issues? I realize this might not be your area of interest, but I'm always interested in these kinds of analyses.

Man, where do I even begin.

I suppose I should start by saying that this game could have been fine; I don’t necessarily hate this game for the story, even if I think it’s uninspired. I play lots of point-and-click games and usually enjoy them (even the stupid ones) so long as they have merit in one area or another. But that’s the core of the problems with Major/Minor: It has NO merit to work with. Its construction shows absolutely no understanding of this genre of game design. Or of writing. Or of entertainment in general. Or of simply respecting one’s audience.

First and foremost, let’s discuss visual novels.

The critical difference between a novel and a visual novel is interactivity; a novel is a set and done deal that takes its readers along for the ride, whereas a visual novel invites the readers to be part of the ride itself. The direction of the story is influenced by the player, and this allows them to personally take ownership of later events. It’s the sort of game that tries to put you in the role of the protagonist in the most direct form possible. Like other first-person games your view as a player is exactly that of the character you’re playing, but in a VN’s case it’s like reading a comic book in a choose-your-own-adventure format.

Major/Minor not only fails on both the visual and novel elements, but it also fails when combined as a visual novel.

1) Visual

For the most part, visual novels don’t have a lot of action. They primarily consist of conversations with NPCs and usually take place in static locations. For this reason, both the characters and the environments need to have a lot of personality. Players need to feel like they’re actually having conversations with the characters and that they’ve entered a unique location that sees real use. This is the red, meaty center of how VNs engage and gratify their players.

Designing characters in a visual novel is about more than giving each one a different face; it’s about giving each character enough of a range of actions and emotions to sell the idea that the character is actually interacting with you, and in a way that’s truly unique from every other character. In real life, people do all sorts of crap when speaking: Our expressions change, we gesture with our hands, our posture varies, and sometimes we even have small ticks associated with certain topics or emotions. Between these visual cues and the actual discussions themselves, players ought to know the NPCs well enough to be able to describe them like real-life friends by the end of the game.

This brings us to Major/Minor’s first serious offense: Every character has one face. Typically in a VN, each character has a minimum of half a dozen expressions, poses, and gestures/ticks to match the different emotions they’ll need to exhibit over the course of their conversation topics. The characters in Major/Minor can only make a single expression and pose throughout the entire game, which immediately leads to some seriously disjointed discussions. It’s hard for me to take a character seriously when they say they’re angry with me when the art staring through the computer screen is bright, cheerful, and apparently mid-laugh. Sorry, NPC #672, I really don’t care that you’re allegedly on the brink of tears, because your singular piece of character art is so smarmy and mischievous that I forgot you were trying to tell me something tragic.

What makes this even more annoying is that most of the characters DO have a secondary piece of art, but it’s only ever used ONE time as an introduction to a new character before the game chucks it in the bin and we never see it again. Each character COULD have had at least two expressions if the dev had planned his commissions carefully enough, buuut instead he chose to get two shots that are barely distinguishable from one another so there could be a ~=*FLOURISH*=~ when we see someone for the first time. Granted, two per character still isn’t anywhere near enough, but it’s a hell of a lot better than just one! It makes me wonder why he bothered to spend the money on a second image for each character at all, since half of these commissions only get about 10 seconds of screen time. What a waste.

And hey, speaking of wasted opportunities, let’s talk more about the environments! Lots of visual novels don’t spend much energy on their backgrounds, and although that’s usually fine (albeit not my first preference), Major/Minor seriously needed to think more about its settings. For the moment I’ll ignore the laziness of the fact that the backgrounds are generic photos with a blur filter over them; what’s more important is that this game loves to tell us all kinds of random crap about the rooms we’re in, especially during the scenes that take place in Japan. This game would’ve benefited dearly from simply having more detailed backgrounds and just letting us observe the goings on of the room on our own. Y’know, because that makes it more... visual.

Honestly, if it were me, I would’ve taken it all a step further and gone full-blown Ace Attorney on the environments. In AA games, investigating the scene is very important because you have to look for clues. I’m not saying Major/Minor needed to let you hunt for items, but I do think that it could’ve cut a ton of random information from the text by simply letting us inspect the backgrounds. That way the players that want to know what a kotatsu is can find out on their own time and players that already know or don’t care can move on.

Something else that would’ve brought the game a much-needed boost of interest is cut scenes. As noted earlier, visual novels don’t tend to have a lot of action, so when something physical DOES happen, it makes an impact. One way to maximize that flash of excitement is with a cut scene – or at least, the visual novel equivalent of one. A “cut scene” in a VN isn’t typically a full motion video like most video games boast; it still makes use of a static image, but it’s an image whose quality far surpasses that of the rest of the art in the game. Maybe it’s abnormally large and the camera slowly pans across for dramatic effect, or maybe it’s a scene drawn from an interesting angle that isn’t the player’s POV. Some games take this even farther and really do animate their cut scenes a bit (usually on par with a nice animated gif). Lots of VN cut scenes make use of sound effects or action-specific music cues to keep the player emotionally involved with the scene, as it’s a moment that’s out of the player’s control.

Major/Minor, on the other hand, does none of this. Much like the drought of facial expressions, the game simply pelts you with paragraph after paragraph to tell you about the events taking place around you, rather than simply letting you see for yourself and be, y’know, involved. Even a handful of cut scenes that had some real effort put into them would’ve really given this game some pep. Not only would it have kept me engaged as a player, but it would’ve weeded out even more unnecessary narration.

Oh, and speaking of weeding shit out of the text…

2) Novel

The writing in this game badly, badly needed to be edited. Like, so badly it makes me physically hurt from how poorly this text is constructed. I’m not talking about the simple things like misspellings and failed capitalizations, I mean BIG mistakes, like sentence fragments and improper conjugations and completely misusing some words all together. It’s also excruciatingly repetitive. Never in my life have I ever seen prose that recaps itself so frequently – sometimes literally within minutes of the event that it’s reminding you of. It even recaps itself within the same block of text a few times.

It’s pretty obvious the dev never allowed a seasoned editor to proof the text, but it’s so unbelievably bad that I’m not even sure the dev himself ever gave it a second glance. It reeks of being a first draft that was never once revisited; actually, it strongly reminds me of the sort of stories I myself wrote when I was about 13. At that time I wanted so badly to write big, dramatic stories! Stories that had deep themes and lots of intrigue! With a complicated plot and several subplots!! And lots of characters that would all totally be different and completely matter!!!! But the problem was I was so wrapped up in wanting to make my stories big, impressive epics that I stretched myself way too thin and everything came out incredibly shallow. It’s honestly kind of eerie to think back on the things I wrote as a kid while I play this game. The similarities are so striking that I can’t tell if this is something the dev wrote at that age and just never decided to polish, or if he did write it as an adult but has the writing skill-level of a teenager.

But honestly, I’d overlook all the technical flaws and melodrama this guy could throw at me if he would just show and not tell. “Show, don’t tell” is one of the oldest rules in the book when it comes to storytelling, and for good reason: Telling instead of showing is not only fucking boring, but it treats the reader like an idiot. If a writer knows what they’re doing, they shouldn’t have to tell, because they’d just demonstrate those things instead.

For example, let’s examine another huge flaw with the writing: Incredibly shallow characterizations. Early in the game the player meets a character named Rook. Rook is very rude. I know this because the game tells me. All. The. Time. I legit don’t remember how many times the game has mentioned that Rook is rude at this point. The dev seems completely oblivious to the notion that you don’t have to tell the player these things. You can just… write Rook as being rude. Trust me, my dude, I can figure out if a character is an asshole or not. Not only can Rook’s rudeness be demonstrated by how he treats me as a player, but it can be further reinforced by other characters reacting to him in a put-off manner. If you’re so concerned that I won’t pick up on the fact that Rook is a rude person just based on how he behaves, then you’re doing it wrong, end of discussion.

But then, as I said, the characterizations are shallow in general. Everyone tends to have their one basic trope and the story rests on the idea that you know what the character is. None of the scenes go out of their way to really dig into who someone is – which is kind of amazing, honestly, since the prose is so obsessed with making sure you know the most inane and unrelated shit half the time – and even after I’ve known a character for several chapters they still feel like a cardboard cut-out to me.

To be honest, I’m kind of impressed by the sheer volume of ways that Major/Minor fails at showing instead of telling. It tells you what characters are like instead of just letting you interact with them, it tells you about the places you visit instead of just letting you view them, it tells you every single time the characters have a mood shift or expression change because it couldn’t be bothered to give them each more than one face, and it hamfists unnecessary information into the script where it’s unneeded and interrupts the scene – and THEN, it makes SURE you notice that it’s telling instead of showing by repeating those things over and over and over again!

All of this is further exacerbated, by the way, because the dev has no idea how to tell a story in the first place. Even with all the above flaws, I miiight have still been able to enjoy this game if it was just a compelling narrative in any sense of the word at all. I will happily deal with poor construction and telling-not-showing if the story still has some intrigue. Even a flawed story can have a mind-blowing plot and keep you reading just to find out what happens next, right? I thought so too, until I realized that Major/Minor goes SO far out of its way to spoil its own plot that it frequently makes you sit through scenes that you, the protagonist, are not even present for. Yes, in a game that’s built upon being a first-person experience, the story will slam on the brakes and take you OUT of the protagonist’s shoes to make you sit by as an observer to events that probably would’ve been an great reveal later on had the dev just kept his mouth shut.

3) Visual Novel

So the visuals suck and the writing sucks, but hey, lots of games get by without investing much in those areas. Could Major/Minor pull it together and at least give the player an interesting mechanic? Hahahaha no, of course it didn’t. As far as the gameplay is concerned, Major/Minor is so bad that in many ways I hesitate to even call it a game.

The cornerstone of visual novels is making choices. They can range from serious decisions that determine the overall outcome of the game or small cosmetic details, but either way, the core of this gaming style is putting the player in the driver’s seat as often as possible. When playing Major/Minor, however, the player is strapped into a straight jacket, blindfolded, and tossed into the trunk of the damn car. This game is so reluctant to surrender control of the narrative that it’s not uncommon at all to go through entire sections of the game having made no choices whatsoever. It fails so spectacularly as a visual novel that I’d be willing to bet that the dev had never played one before. He is astonishingly disinterested in what makes a visual novel enjoyable to the player.

There’s a principle in game design called Illusion of Control. The goal of this idea is to allow the player to feel like they’re in charge of the game while actually keeping them within strict boundaries. It applies to a lot of games, but it’s especially important in visual novels. Players need to be able to dictate how the story progresses, even if some of those choices make no real impact on outcomes. For example, players can enter conversation trees with NPCs that seemingly offer a lot of control – perhaps the player chooses the discussion topics, or can decide if they want to be shy or snarky in their replies – and yet at the end of the scene there could realistically be no change to the story’s progress. The greater point is that the player feels like they handled the conversation the way they wanted to. This allows them to still feel like they’ve gotten somewhere and that they accomplished something.

Major/Minor appears to scoff at the very idea of this, like the game’s worried you’ll cramp its style if it gives you too much power.The player is allotted no input whatsoever on how the PC treats the other characters, what subjects to discuss, where they’d like to go, how to react to the actions of other characters… It’s truly mind-blowing just how consistently the game misses opportunities to allow the player even the illusion of control. For example, there’s a scene where the player character (PC) is awakened in the middle of the night by a pounding on the door, and no options are offered on how the player would like to handle this. A better game might allow the player to choose if they want to pretend to keep sleeping, or call out to whomever is knocking, or try escaping out a window, or crack the door open to see what the person wants. Even if it’s an absolute necessity to the plot that this person enters the room, it’s still better to let the player choose, because there are a plethora of ways to redirect each of those options back around toward the character getting in.

Unfortunately, Major/Minor is just too damn lazy to be bothered with gameplay, and the PC just lets the stranger in with no input from the player. Soon after, the stranger attacks the PC, which would again be a prime opportunity for lots of reactionary options: The player could duck! Or the player could punch their assailant! Or maybe they could kick instead! Maybe they’d try to run away or call for help! Buuut no, Major/Minor really doesn’t care what you want YOUR CHARACTER to do, and it’s already decided that you’re going to put up no fight at all and immediately pass out. It’s by far one of the most unsatisfying things I’ve ever experienced in a video game.

The disconnect between the player and the protagonist is so extreme that I honestly don’t feel it’s a fair assessment to refer to the protagonist as the “player character.” It’s not uncommon for visual novel protagonists to speak in the first person, but in most games it feels like the PC is speaking on your behalf because they’re acting according to your will. The protagonist of Major/Minor decides so many things for themself that it stopped feeling like “my” character a very, very long time ago. This character isn’t me and never was; it’s the main character of a book that I didn’t ask to read, who very occasionally pauses to ask my opinion on something.

HEY HOWDY HEY SPEAKING OF PAUSING… If you boot this “game” up for a session, you’d better hope you have plenty of time on your hands to get through it, because you’re at the dev’s mercy for when you can save your progress. Being able to save anytime you want is a staple of visual novels because 1) people read at wildly different paces, and 2) for many people, excessive reading makes them tired. Not only that, but sometimes life just plain gets in the way and you have to pick up and go on short notice. Major/Minor ignores all of these factors and leaves the player relegated to appointed checkpoints throughout the game.

Now, I’m not necessarily saying that checkpoints are inherently bad, but they do need to be used very, very wisely. Any game (VN or otherwise) that doesn’t allow the player to save anytime they want needs to be sure checkpoints are reasonably close from any given location, and furthermore that they’re spaced at regular intervals. As I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, however, the dev flushed that idea down the toilet along with what was left of his common sense and parents’ love. Sometimes Major/Minor stacks save points practically back-to-back within the span of a few minutes, and in other cases I’ve literally played for over and hour before the game finally rewarded me with the option to save.

There’s no discernible pattern or technique that I can detect for when save points are bestowed on the player; you’re not even guaranteed an opportunity to save when the game switches chapters! I would say that I can’t fathom why the dev thought this would be a good idea, but let’s not kid ourselves here, it’s clear that the dev never thought this through in the first place. If he had, he might’ve noticed that players being uncertain about whether or not they’ll be able to save their progress discourages them from playing at all.

Also, before I fully move on from the game design, I just wanted to make a brief side note about the music. To be honest, I turned the music off a VERY long time ago, so I don’t even remember what it sounds like; however, I’ve read that all of the music in the game is from the free assets you get in RPG Maker. I’ve further read that the free assets (both audio and visual) were the entire reason the dev decided to use RPG Maker for this game in the first place, in spite of the fact that there are other programs out there specifically geared toward making visual novels. This is worth mentioning because it further highlights just how lazy this entire game is. It’s not a sin to use free program assets – that IS what they’re there for, after all – but when you ONLY use the free assets and then advertise your game on Steam for being sooo creative and original, AND have the gall to charge $20 for it?? Yeah, that’s a gigantic slap in the face.

Speaking of Steam, you’d think a game like this would’ve been weeded out by the gaming community for being the garbage that it is, right? After all, there’s a ranking right at the top of the page showing the proportion of good and bad reviews it’s gotten, and right now it says the feedback is “very positive.” I will say that I do take community feedback into consideration when I’m thinking about a game that I haven’t otherwise heard of before, and my misstep with this game has definitely taught me a valuable lesson. When I saw that the game is ranked “very positive” and I scrolled down to see several glowing reviews, I felt that was sufficient enough research to know if the game was worth my time and money.

However, upon trying out the game and realizing just how badly I’d been deceived, I did a little more digging. As it turns out, the dev is known for flagging negative reviews as “abusive” and getting them deleted, allowing him to effectively filter out the bad press so long as he can make some kind of a case to Steam. This debacle has taught me that it’s not enough to scroll to the bottom of a Steam page for user reviews, as those tend to be the most recent; what you do instead is click the “Read all [x] reviews” link, as those reviews are sorted by popularity. THIS is where you’ll find the reviews that the community has deemed the most helpful and informative, and in this case, it’s like night and day. ALL of the highest-ranked reviews of Major/Minor are negative, and the numbers are staggering. Literally HUNDREDS of people have ranked these terrible reviews as helpful, and most of them are in the 80-90% range on agreement. You have to load more reviews four times to find even one single positive post, and once you do start getting into the positives, the upvotes are significantly fewer.

SO, in conclusion...

I want to say that’s about all I have to give on this subject, but the sad truth is it’s not. I could probably critique this game line-by-line, moment-by-moment, if I really wanted to. Fortunately for my sanity, I really don’t want to. … Not right now, anyway. I’m sure I’ll lose it at some point and decide to go through and count all the missed opportunities in the game or something, but I won’t be doing that right now, thankfully.

So in the vein of others learning from the mistakes of this game: If you were thinking about buying Major/Minor, don’t. If you bought it a while ago during a sale and were thinking about starting to play it, don’t. If you’re interested in making a visual novel and wanted to learn from this game’s mistakes… Well granted there’s a lot to learn about what not to do, but still, don’t give this lazy, deceptive dev any more money. Learn from this guy’s shortcomings based on the feedback of players. Hell, read or watch a Let’s Play if you really want to experience it first-hand. Just please don’t buy and play this game. As a favor to ME, please don’t buy and play this game.

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