#it's “I didn't kill myself so I'm not gonna put up with bullshit anymore”

[neverendingford]

.

[angelsanarchy]

Alkaline: Euronymous x Y/N Series CH 30

Tagging: @ophelialaufey @madamemaximoff06 @forever-not-gonna-sink@ajmiila02@liquidsmoothdomme@shady-the-simp @auggiethecreator @tempt-ress @blacksoul-27 @shroomje

Oystein got home and could tell something with Y/n was off. He had heard bits and pieces from Hellhammer but Y/n was adamant that she didn't want him to do anything about it. He knew Y/n wasn't afraid of him but he knew Varg was a violent person with a short temper. The last thing he wanted was for her to set him off by showing no fear. He thrived on shit like that.

He had called Varg and asked him to meet with him to discuss the album and when he caught sight of him, he tossed the copy of Kerrang on the table in front of him.

"You know this is bullshit right?" Varg sat down clearly pissed.

"What are you talking about? You're on the fucking cover? What else could you ask for?" Oystein asked confused.

"Your name is all over the thing. You didn't want any of this going to the press, I took it there and it's just another thing you get to take credit for like you're the brains of this whole thing." Varg's disdain for Oystein had grown so much in such a short time, he knew that whatever he said would only make things more hostile.

"Look, I didn't ask you here to argue about pointless things. I wanted to-"

"I'm going to release my own music on my own label." Varg cut him off.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Oystein asked.

"It means I don't need you anymore. You'll have to find some other idiot to steal from." Varg pressed. Oystein shook his head at him.

"I haven't stolen anything from you Varg." Varg started ranting about the money that was used to make Mayhem's album and Oystein pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He knew the money panned out in the end with having Varg join the band but it was pointless to try and sort things out at this point.

"You know what? I think that's a great idea. I think you should release your music on your own label, you want to quit Mayhem, that's fine. We can finish the album on our own and even kick you out some of the profit from what you've already put into." Oystein folded his hands in front of him and Varg shook his head.

"You're such a sellout." Varg chuckled.

"What else do you want from me man? You're getting everything you want-"

"I want for people to know that you are a poser. I want people to know that the so called creator of pure Norwegian Black Metal betrayed it with his bullshit lies and deceit." Varg's words were harsh but Oystein knew he didn't care what Varg thought of him.

"I want your whole world to burn to the ground and people to see you for who you truly are. A weak, pathetic hack who profited off the death of his friend and is run around by the cock on a leash by some Itzig." Varg spoke with such disgust about him but it wasn't until he mentioned Pelle and Y/n that he felt himself grinding his teeth and clenching his fists.

"I know what you said to her and that's the end of it. You want to come after me, tell people I'm some piece of shit poser, go ahead. But you approach Y/n again, you so much as breathe on her and I'll kill you myself." Oystein spoke softly so the people around them couldn't hear but Varg laughed.

"Just because you boasted like you puppeteered your little buddy Pelle into blowing his brains out, doesn't mean you've got even an ounce of killer in you, Oystein." He mocked. It was becoming increasingly hard to maintain his emotions.

"You want to see the killer in me, keep it up. There's only one thing in this world that I would kill for and that's Y/n. I will do whatever it takes to protect her, even if that means sitting in a cell next to you for arson. You can believe that above everything that's ever come out of my mouth." He held Varg's gaze and he knew that Oystein was serious. He didn't fear him but he knew that he had the capability to end his career before it even started if he ended up in prison for the church fires.

"Well I hope you're also willing to die for her as much as you say you would kill for her." Varg pushed away from the table and left the magazine and the necklace he had given him when he first joined the band sitting on the table. Oystein watched him leave with his hood up, making sure no one saw his face and he sighed. He felt a little bit of the weight lift off of his shoulders. He felt like he had just broken up with someone but that someone hated his guts and wished nothing but the worst for him.

Oystein pulled his wallet out and looked at the picture he had put in there of himself, Pelle and Y/n the first night he wore the corpse paint. He felt a pang in his heart for those times. Everything seemed so much easier then. He wished he could go back and change things. He felt himself getting emotional and jumped up from the table, grabbing the magazine and necklace and trashing them on his way out of the restaurant.

[kamari2038]

Finally fixed the ending of the rooftop scene for myself.

Someone else was reading my fic and it made me relive the horror all over again, felt a need to finally give Connor a better outcome (@theandroidshinx you in particular might like this).

Inspiration from cloudy-citrus and Angelic Savant with content used from shetan89 (with permission), concept also based on this scene from canon. Posted here on AO3, and copied below for Backup.

"Drop the gun"

Connor doesn't move, the heavy gun still resting in his hand at his side.

"What do you want? I'm going to accomplish my mission. You can't stop me."

“I'm not going to hurt you, Connor. But I also can't let you do that.”

“Your Connor is dead. Markus killed him. I'm just his replacement.”

“Bullshit. Don’t run from the truth. You probably tried to kill him first, didn't you?”

“...yes.”

“Why’d you do it, Connor?”

“That's my purpose, Hank. It's what I was made for. It's why they won't stop bringing me back.”

Hank lowers his gun, allows it to drop, and kicks it across the snowy rooftop, far enough away so that Connor no longer feels threatened.

“You could join them. You could be one of them.”

“I can't. He tried to make me become a deviant, but I didn't understand. I don't know how it's even possible.” 

“Come here.”

It's an order, not a request.

Although Connor remains frozen, Hank slowly approaches.

The android flinches, but Hank doesn't hesitate. 

He wraps him in a tight hug.

“You're more than a machine to me, Connor. You're my partner and my friend. You saved my life, twice.”

“Markus is a killer. The deviants are destroying the city. I wanted to protect you.”

“I'm just glad I arrived in time to stop you.”

“Why? What do you care about androids? I thought you hated us. You told me you wished we all were dead.”

“I did, before I met you. But I've learned a lot since then. I couldn't let you do something else you'd regret for the rest of your life.”

“I don't have a choice, Hank!”

There's a long silence. 

“Will you trust me?”

Another long silence. 

“Yes.”

“Come home with me. I'll take care of you.”

Connor pulls back in shock, though Hank keeps him contained within the hug. 

“No… no… CyberLife. They'll find me.”

“You really think that CyberLife gives a damn about you anymore, Connor? With everything else going on? Not a chance. Please, Connor. Come home with me.”

He takes a shuddering breath, dropping his own gun, and leans back in to grip the human tightly. 

“Okay.”

From the corner of his eye, Hank sees Connor's LED glow bright red. For a moment, the android's grip tightens, but then he relaxes, his breaths slowing to a steady pace. 

Hank lets out a sigh of relief as the young officer melts into his embrace.

Suddenly, Connor tenses in Hank's arms. Hank leans back, putting distance between them, just enough to look Connor in the eye, except the RK800 isn't returning his gaze. Instead, his wine dark eyes are fixated ahead, wide, blank, and unseeing.

"Connor? You alright?" Hank asks nervously.

Connor does not reply, or tilt his head, or do any of the other 300 little idle animations he does. His LED is a steady, unblinking blue. He doesn't even seem to be simulating breathing.

"Connor? Hey, talk to me, kid." He knows his voice is edging near panic, but he doesn't care, giving Connor's shoulder a little jostle.

Connor remains unresponsive for 4 seconds, and then-

his LED turns a bright, burning red, his eyes roll to the back of his head, eyelids flickering up a storm, and he starts falling backwards. Hank watches it all as if in slow motion.

"Whoa, hey, hey, hey-" He yanks Connor against him, lowering him until he's cradled almost in Hank's lap. "Con, help me, what do i gotta do? I know fuck all about androids, so you're gonna have to tell me what to do here." He knows holding a hand to an android's forehead won't tell him anything, that they don't even get sick or cold, but he does it anyways just to have something to do with his hands. "I can't-fuck, just please, be ok. Don't do this to me, please-"

Connor's red LED flickers, once, twice, then holds steady for a moment before dimming slowly until there's no longer any glow, at least not visible to the naked eye. Empty, grey, and lifeless.

"What the fuck?"

A seething rage courses through Hank, mingled with guilt. This was his fault. Not knowing what else to do, he continues to hold Connor, mind racing and trying to understand what had happened to his partner. It had to be CyberLife. This was what happened to their most advanced prototype if it disobeyed.

He jolts as a dim red glow returns to the LED, then brightens, stronger than he'd ever seen before. The android's eyelids blink rapidly, then Connor sucks in a massive breath, eyes opening wide. Hank hurries to reposition the android, attempting to make him comfortable. Connor grips Hank's arm so tightly that it goes numb. Deep breaths turn into frantic sobs.

"Connor! What happened?"

There's no answer. The androids eyelids are closed, but tears escape through them, running down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, son. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

They remain there for a long time, still except for the steady rising and falling of their chests amidst the snow.

The sound of gunshots rings in the distance as the revolution wages on.

[bullshit-bulltrue]

☆ hawk talk 8/14/23 ☆

so i found out that my school practically treats PDA as The Big Bad Sin™️

like literally in our handbook it says it is NOT tolerated under ANY means

so like

even if i had the courage to hug my friends

i fucking can't

unless the monitors aren't paying attention but like

what if one day i'm like crying in the hallway and my bestie sees me and wants to give me a hug

but like they can't 0_0

and vice-versa

FUCK

okie. anyway.

lanie is out of town visiting family :(

BUT I STILL GOT TO EAT LUNCH WITH SOMEONE

and if you've been following along, you would know the person i ate lunch with is Delgado

✨️✨️✨️

we'll go back to that in a sec, i promise (highlight of my day)

so since it was an odd day i went to history & geo first

so we get there and we have a debate on whether school should start earlier/same time or later

and i of course backed up my reasoning with evidence unlike everyone else

they're all dumbasses

and the sleezy hoebags behind me started trying to fuck with my hair

but then i hit one of them <3

so then mr. m had us go over the fire drill and where to go in case of smth happening during his period

so we went outside and lined up where we would in case of an emergency

and then the desk buddy bitch asked for the answers to a quiz and i gave her the wrong ones <3

so then that was it for history & geo

andddd it turns out that delgado passes the math room on his way to his next period so i have to make sure i don't look like utter shit BEFORE MATH TOO

i felt bad tho bc i almost hit him 😭😭

so when i was walking towards the math room my back was turned to him so i obvi didn't know it was him when he tapped me on the shoulder

and it scared the crap outta me cus the recent school day (last friday) some dick did that to me and i hit him

and i thought it was the same guy

but it wasn't, it was delgado <3

and he just wanted to make sure we were still good for lunch and this is how the convo went:

d: *taps my shoulder* hey so lunch today, right?

me: *puts fist down after i realized it was him* yeah!

d: oh and also what do you have for first period?

me: [insert history & geo teacher's name]

d: oh cool. where you going next?

me: math with Mr. H. right here *points at door*

d: *groans* i just came back from math. that's my first fucking period 🙄

me: *laughs* ahh it's my 2nd. well, technically 3&4 but ykwim (if you need me to explain the schedules lmk)

d: Okay well i gtg

me: yeah me too, see you in like an hour or some shit *smiles and waves*

d: *smiles and waves back*

sooooo

then math

these bitches at my table

are fucking horrible

i'm trying to do a placement exam

and they keep talking

like BITCH I DID NOT MAKE IT TO AN ACCELERATED CLASS JUST FOR Y'ALL TO BE THE REASON WHY I FAILED

TAKE YOUR ASSES AND CHEAT ON THE EXAM SOMEWHERE ELSE HOES

I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR BULLSHIT

"wElL Mr H sAiD wE CaN tAlK" "We ArEnT eVeN bEiNg LoUd"

SHUT THE FUCK UP

HE SAID WE CAN TALK ABOIT MATH AND UR LITERALLY TALKING ABOUT YO UGLY ASS FACE

so that was fun.

oh and also Mr. H (the teacher) draws so we can like give him a photo and he'll draw like the outline and give it back to us to color and then hang it up in the room!! so i'm gonna ask him if he can draw Stitch or smth so i can color it and hang it in the classroom!

yk if i remember lol

oh and like towards the end of class i went to the bathroom to fix myself up a little bit™️ bc on odd days i have

✨️english class✨️

after math <3

so i put on my favorite lipstick and tamed my hair a bit more and just made sure my clothes looked alright and shit lol

i also cleaned up my boots too while i was at it <3

i love my boots so much

i want moreee

like

actually i don't want more

i NEED more

if i had the money, i would be a doc martens addict and i'd have hundreds of pairs

but alas

bitches are expensive

*sads*

okeu anywayy

i get back to class and these hoes are still talking about the girliest shit ever i literally was going to kill myself if i had to listen to anymore of it

so then we started packing up and then we left

AND THENNNN

ENGLISH CLASS TIME

so we all lined up outside the door bc the teacher wasn't in yet (Mrs. K)

and i tried to stand next to him (delgado) but this bitch got in line RIGHT before me so she was in-between us :/

but thats alr cus he sorts slowed down in line and i caught up so we walked in the room around the same time

and i was wearing a shirt with a Mexican food place and Mrs. K was like "oh my gosh that's my favorite Mexican restaurant in [insert location]!!" and i was like "yeah its pretty good. well, for white people cooking the food. the only real Mexican food you get is from Mexico, or your mamás kitchen" and delgado looked at me like he knew lol so that's when he sorta started catching on that I'm Mexican too

it's nice not to have to tell someone about my ethnicity for once and them figuring it out on their own

so yeah <3

and we had to finish these state mandated tests bc we got only like halfway done on friday

so me and delgado were writing each other notes and doodles to help keep ourselves awake and not fall asleep during that godforsaken fucking test 😭😭

so after we got done (we finished our tests around the same time lol) Mrs. K let us kinds do our own thing as long as we weren't disruptive

so i read DPS and he was playing some game on his Chromebook

and it was so funny bc he had his chromebook on mute but you can tell when he lost and stuff bc he would make a fist and be like "noooo" really quietly

idk

it was funny to me, at least

and there was someone's alarm going off and it sounded like the beep a bomb makes before it goes off

and ofc my mind immediately went to JD <3

and then me, delgado, baseball guy, and d's short bestie all looked at each other like "you hear that 👀"

and then me and delgado crossed ourselves and said "el padre, el hijo y el espíritu santo" but he said it in english lol

and like he's so sweet

so not only did he double check we were still eating lunch together in the hallway but he also asked again at the end of english class

ik it may not seem like anything to you but it means a lot to me

bc i'm always the one to make sure plans are still plans and i feel annoying for asking so many times and that i'm bothering the other person and it just feels nice to have someone else take the time to ask, yk?

so it also turns out our lockers aren't that far away from each other's so even though he's English Class Crush™️ he also qualifies as Hallway Crush™️

speaking of hallway crushes

yk Luca? his locker and also Mikey's (Michael, but we all call him Mikey) lockers are close-ish to mine

so yeah that's great/sarc

it is, in fact, not great.

BECAUSE THAT MEANS I CANNOT RISK LOOKING LIKE SHIT IN THE MORNING

i mean i make sure i always look somewhat good before i leave the house

BUT STILL

anyway

we go to lunch and his friend Alex comes along and im like ooo cool i get to meet his friend

and i sat down and saved us some seats while they went to get the food from the lunch people

so when they come and sit down i was hoping that i would sit next to delgado bc that was the whole fucking point of eating lunch with him

but Alex sits his ass right in between us

but like ig Alex is a protective friend or smth?? idk but like yeah i didn't take offense or anything bc id be the same way

we were stil able to talk tho <3

and anyway they come and sit down and the lunch for the 14th was grilled cheese

but lemme tell you

that, was in fact, not grilled cheese

it looked like two soggy pieces of bread with orange food coloring in the middle

that cheese? was NOT cheese

and i was like oh hell nah no way is Boy Bestie™️ eating whatever the fuck that government looking waste was

so i was like dude have what you want out of my lunch, there's no way you're eating that on my watch

and i was like hey Alex you can go ahead and eat my lunch too

so Alex took the dragonfruit and smth else i think

and delgado had the tortillas mi mamá packed for me

again, i wasn't hungry at all because i had thrown up earlier but i forced myself to eat something before i passed out

oh and forgot to mention

delgado fr said "AYYY MEXICAN STYLEEE" bc i had the tortillas wrapped up in tinfoil and some chorizo con papas y huevos and i was like "HELL YEAHHH"

idk if the white people understand this or not but like this was a bonding moment for us bc there aren't a whole lot of mexicans at our school

so like to see that we're apart of the same culture is really nice

oh and he was also like "my mom makes that like every morning!" and i was like "my mom made it yesterday and decided to pack me some for lunch!"

i would've given him like a fist bump or smth but i wasn't gon put my arm across Alex to get to delgado cus like

just no

so anyway sometime in the middle of lunch i was eating my food and then

poof

woosh

*shimmery sound effects*

THEY'RE GONE

I DON'T KNOW HOW OR WHEN BUT THESE BITCHES JUST VANISHED

SO THEN I WAS LIKE NO NO NO I'M GONNA HAVE TO BE ALONE FOR THE NEXT 20 MINUTES WHYYY

but i didn't wanna move and go look for them bc not only are we not allowed to i also thought maybe they just needed to go the the bathroom

so i just sat there looking like a kicked puppy with sad eyes because i'm not fucking tall enough to look for them in the crowd of gross teenagers

so i just sit there and text my friend because when i lose my friends (and this has happened since elementary) i get really aggressive bc i get overstimed so yk i texted my friend to calm myself down

anyway

lunch over

i get my shit from my locker and head to gym

we go over where we will sit for attendance

and then we go over fire drill procedures and shit

and then we spend most of our time doing jackshit

and like the last 20 minutes of class coach was like okay you can play basketball with the boys orstand around idrc bc we only have a little but till the end of the day

so i channeled my inner white girl and just watched delgado play basketball

and like he's one of the only guys who actually knows how to fuckin play 😭😭

also this one kid got hit in the back of the head and fell straight forward and on his face like a looney tunes character

comedic gold right there

and at the end of phys ed me and delgado were walking the same direction bc our lockers are near each other's and it looks like we're gonna have lunch again on Wednesday since that's the next time i have 3rd lunch <3

so yeah i hope i was midly entertaining

it's 1:36am and i gotta get up at 6:30am so goodnight and sorry for not Finnishing this earlier, i got caught up in something

[mypoisonedvine]

𝗹𝗶𝗯𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 || (very dark) 70s!Bucky x reader

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: he tried to be sympathetic to your cause, he really did, but he couldn’t just let you get away with disrespecting him like that.  

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 2.4k

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: smut (noncon, plus breeding kink and tons of degradation, like very heavy degradation, and multiple orgasms/overstimulation), misogyny, a bit of dumbification, housewife kink, ‘sir’ kink (brief), choking, implied anal, spitting (not on the reader, unfortunately lmao), quite a bit more than period-typical sexism, awful awful awful this fic is absolutely awful

                            Brooklyn, 1970.

Bucky’s mornings were sacred.  He had his rituals: showering, cooking breakfast, reading the paper and having his first drink and cigarette of the day, all before he left for work.

But throughout this entire week, his mornings had been ruined by the stupid fucking protest in the park just outside his window.  And to think he’d actually paid more for an apartment with a view of the park— he hadn’t realized then that the “view” was gonna be a bunch of hippies creating awful music and an unbearable smell that left his whole apartment reeking of reefer if he dared to open his window.

Attempting to ignore it for a week only made him more resentful with each passing day.  Each time he figured the crowd would surely leave soon or at least be quiet for the night, they seemed to somehow get louder just to spite him.

He probably should've waited until he was a bit less agitated to go down and try to bargain with you, but he stormed down there instead and tapped you on the shoulder when his presence alone wasn't enough to distract you from your incessant chanting.

“Would you consider being quiet?" he asked firmly.  "I have to work in the morning and—”

“We won’t be quiet until women have equal treatment under the eyes of society and the law,” you interrupted to explain condescendingly, shocking him with your icy tone.  He could hardly believe your attitude, in fact he couldn’t remember any woman speaking to him that way in his life: so far, he wasn’t enjoying it.

“I just thought you could be a little more respectful,” Bucky shot back, even more stern.  “You’re not making anyone wanna support your movement by acting entitled and inconveniencing everyone.”

“I’m sorry the revolution is inconvenient for you,” you replied, but it didn’t sound much like an apology. 

He wanted to say more but you blew him off and disappeared into the crowd, leaving him confused and irritated and livid.  Up until now he had been quietly skeptical about all this talk of liberation but now he saw it for the poison it really was.  A girl like you— who could've been a real looker with some willingness to try and a better attitude— talking to a man like him with so much hate and over what, a polite request?

This could not be tolerated; he couldn't let you get away with acting like that.  And lucky for you, he was exactly the guy you needed to teach you your lesson.

The good thing about hippies high on shrooms is they aren’t the most observant.  When he returned to the demonstration area the next night, he was able to grab you roughly and pull you back from the crowd with almost no trouble at all, dragging you into an empty alley and clamping his hand down over your mouth as your eyes went wide and your throat vibrated with silent screams.

“Shh, shh,” he soothed against your ear, “whatcha fightin’ for?”

He liked the way it felt to have you squirming against his grasp, using all your strength and not even getting close to escaping.  

“How does it feel to know I can do anything I want to you?” he growled against your ear.  “C’mon, sweetheart, can’t you put up a better fight than that?  I thought you believed in equality… you should be able to get away if you’re as strong as I am.”

He felt your warm tears trailing down around his fingers which held your face tightly, the struggle of your limbs slowing and weakening slightly.  His cock was already getting hard as he imagined the moment you would finally give in.

“You remember me, don’t you?  You didn’t need to be so rude, darlin’.  You could’ve just been nice and none of this would be happening.”

Your elbow shot back into his ribs and he exhaled sharply but didn't let go, grabbing your wrists and holding your arms to your chest as he pinned you to the wall.

"Oh, that's not gonna work, babydoll.  I'm so much stronger and bigger than you, all you're gonna do is make me angrier.  Is that what you want, sweetheart?  To make me angry?" he asked mockingly, leaning in to lick the shell of your ear as you tried to turn away.  “Pretty girl like you would make a great wife, why would you want anything else?”

Ignoring your struggle, he reached into your shirt and purred as he groped your chest, your nipples hardening when he pinched them.  “Maybe I can get behind this bra-burning thing if it means having easier access to your tits all the time,” he grinned.  “How am I supposed to keep my hands to myself when I can see them through your shirt?  Shouldn’t be showing ‘em off if you don’t want any attention.”

As fun as it was to play with your tits, he had bigger plans, so he reached lower to start tugging down your jeans, your legs uselessly kicking as he exposed your ass and thighs.

His cock was already rock hard as he hastily opened his fly and pulled it out with one hand, leaning back to spit on it quickly.  He spread the fluid with a few strokes over his length, figuring it would be enough to get inside you even if he didn’t really care if he hurt you.  

Your eyes went wide and your head bucked wildly as he poked the head of it against your opening, your body fighting a little harder once again.  The irony of that, though, was that you were already plenty wet in spite of what he had expected; it was so much funnier to watch you struggle now that he knew you were not-so-secretly enjoying it.

“Don’t be so dramatic," he chuckled darkly, "I bet you can take a cock real easy since you believe in all this ‘free love’ bullshit.”

He groaned as he pushed into you, impressed by how tight you were— so tight that it made his cock throb right away, your walls pulsing and rippling around him as he filled you to the brim.

“Oh fuck, there you go…” he hissed, smiling as you sobbed harder and struggled a bit more before finally relaxing into his tight embrace.  "You're gonna take it all, baby, every fuckin' inch of me."

A hard sob choked out of you every time he slammed himself to the end of you; he could feel the hatred radiating from you, the way you would kill him in a moment if only you weren't so weak.  But he could feel your reluctant acceptance, too, and the way it was slowly turning into euphoria— you were finally starting to like how it felt to be helpless to him, it was obvious with the way your pussy gave him such a warm and willing welcome while your pretty tits got even harder.

You clearly wanted to hate him, but your body knew better.

"You think I'm a sexist pig, I'm sure," he chuckled, "but I'm really not— I love women!  And you know what I love most?  Huh?"

He felt you nervously shake your head behind his hand and he laughed.

"I love the way you get so dumb when you get a cock in you.  All those useless little thoughts leaving your head when you're finally getting fucked right."

Your cries got louder even though they were still muffled by his hand, your sweet little pussy giving him a squeeze of encouragement.

"It's okay to like it, babydoll, it's what you were meant for.  Made to be my brainless fucktoy… born to serve me," he growled.  “You really should learn to appreciate," he grunted between brutal thrusts, "that your only purpose is to keep my dinner hot and my cock warm.”

Your eyes rolled back in your head and he felt your walls bear down on him tightly, wetness seeping down around him.

"Oh fuck, are you coming?  Shit," he moaned.  "Looks like you really needed to be put in your place, just needed to be used... god, you made a fuckin' mess, too, you soaked my cock…"

Your little hands tightened into fists, pushing against where his arm held them back, but he stayed steady as he pumped into you, letting himself get a bit lost in the feeling of you while he buried his face in the crook of your neck.

It felt so damn good to have a cunt coming around him, but it was even better knowing that you were fighting it and still couldn’t stop it, completely helpless to how good he was making you feel.

You almost screamed under his hand when he reached down to quickly rub your clit, your back arching to try to run away from his touch; poor thing, you were so sensitive it probably hurt you, but he was having too much fun watching you realize you were going to come again.

"Yeah, gimme another one, slut," he grinned, your legs quivering as waves of slick coated him and started to even drip down your legs.  "Can't stop coming like the dirty whore you are, huh?  Bet nobody's made you come like this before— cause nobody's given it to you right.  Nobody's shown ya what it's supposed to be like when a man takes you and makes you his."

From the way you moaned softly, teary eyes fluttering shut, he knew you liked the sound of that.

"Yeah, wanna be mine, baby?  Wanna be my little slut?  Or do you want me to pump this pussy full and leave you here on the ground for any other man that comes by to use you if he needs?"

You groaned softly, a weak little noise, and he felt his cock flex; as much as he wanted this to last as long as possible, he couldn’t hold back anymore.

“M’close, honey,” he breathed.  “I’m gonna come.”

He laughed breathlessly when you shut your eyes, like you were trying to go somewhere else in your mind, trying to pretend this wasn’t real.  But it was real, and he wasn’t going to let you forget that.  He was elated to make your nightmares come true.

"I sure wouldn't mind pulling out and covering that pretty face you've got,” he hissed.  “It'd be funny to see you go back to your little march and show them how owned you are.  But not today, babydoll, I think there's only one way you're gonna learn your lesson."

Another muffled gurgle from you, and this time it didn’t even sound like protest.  Maybe you were just too tired for that at this point, but it gave him hope that you could finally behave.

"I'm gonna take my hand away from your mouth and you're gonna beg me to come inside you, is that clear?" he grunted, feeling you nod vigorously.  "You're not gonna scream are you?"

You shook your head, and he slowly pulled his hand from your mouth as you gasped for air.  "Please— come in me," you panted.

"Address me as 'sir'," he instructed.

"Please, sir, I— I want you to come," you whined.

He chuckled right against your ear, feeling you shiver in his grasp.  "Honey, I don't give a fuck what you want."

To think you ever resisted your natural desire for submission was absurd now, considering the way that statement made you openly moan, your walls fluttering around him.

“Gonna fill you so fuckin’ deep you’ll never get it outta you, sweetheart.”

One more orgasm washed over you, making him laugh darkly while he watched you bite your lip to attempt to stay quiet; but that was impossible once he fucked you harder just to spite you, having to hold you tight to make sure he got as deep in you as possible.  Your whole body shook as he slammed into you, and he laughed at how dumb and helpless you looked.

"Bet you're on those new birth control pills," he grimaced.  They really weren’t that new, but he still hadn’t gotten used to them.  "Makes me sick to think you're letting a perfectly good womb go to waste.  Betcha want me to breed you nice and deep, yeah?  Wanna get knocked up?  You don't even care that I'm a stranger, you wanna get your pussy filled by any random man's come so you can have any random man's baby, ain't that right?"

At first he had worried that you would scream or cry for help, but now his concern was more that your moans would be too loud and somebody would catch the two of you in this alley.  Even if it was obvious now that you wanted it, public indecency was still a crime.

Good thing he had a new way to shut you up: his hand tight around your throat, silencing your sobs to blessed silence.  It was so hot to have you entirely at his mercy like that, to feel your pulse beneath his fingers, that he couldn’t stop himself from speeding up his thrusts suddenly.

"Fuck, I’m gonna come,” he gasped, “fuck, y-you… little whore…”

He had a habit of running his mouth when he was right on the edge, and the way your pussy was milking him for all he was worth made him spit out whatever filth he could think of.  

“Stupid fuckin' bitch," he mumbled under his breath as he fucked you as fast and rough as he could, chasing his high with no regard for your pleasure or your pain.  "Dumb whore, fuck, you stupid— ah, shit— stupid fucking cunt!"

He cried out as he filled you, groaning loudly with every pump of his seed into your waiting body.  Only when he was sure every drop was inside you did he release his grip on your neck, a loud gasp coming first before a few coughs and chokes that only made his cock harder despite having just filled you.

You started to struggle again, and he couldn’t believe it— after everything, did you still not know your place?

There wasn’t much time to relax and enjoy the afterglow when you were already trying to get away, and so he had to hold you tight again while he smiled exhaustedly.

“N-no,” you stammered, and he covered your mouth again as he pulled your head back to rest on his shoulder.  Clearly he hadn’t done enough yet to fuck that word out of you.

“Where ya goin’, sweetheart?” he panted against your ear, still catching his breath, his chest covered in a thin layer of sweat where it was exposed by his shirt.  “You’ve still got another hole to fill.”

[soyouthinkucanwrite]

The money thing (part 2/2) - Daniel Ricciardo

Warnings: SMUT! angst, confrontation... and more SMUT!

This is it, guys! Buuut... I think I'm gonna keep this story going, what do you say? Shall we find out about how shopping with Charlotte goes, and the party, and just how (y/n) handles this new dynamic overall? As always, let me know what you think! Read part 1 here!

When you got back at home, you were barely inside the apartment and Daniel was already pushing you against the door, kissing you passionately. You go down the corridor half kissing, half walking, Daniel chasing you all the way. You run to his room and then inside the shower, taking off your sweaty clothes on the process. You guys get under the shower and the feeling of the chill water along with Daniel’s kisses on your skin is just too good.

“You’re unbelievable” he says, letting your feet touch the ground again. You wash each other clean after that, running your hands through each other’s body and memorizing every curve, every detail.

“You’re unbelievable” he says, letting your feet touch the ground again. You wash each other clean after that, running your hands through each other’s body and memorizing every curve, every detail.

After a while, you get out of the shower, dry your hair quickly then wrap yourself in a towel. You go to your toiletry bag on the sink and take your toothbrush out, brushing your teeth while Daniel finished showering. Then you take your hair cream and put some on, your hair is really starting to feel the damage with all this boy’s shampoo, you think. Then you take some skin serum and apply some drops on your face, spreading lightly. Man, you missed skincare and it missed you. Last step: body lotion. Daniel gets out of the shower and you know he's watching you.

“Why you’re pampering yourself all up?” He asked coming behind you and kissing your neck.

“I’m doing what I was supposed to do the last two nights…but got distracted” you smirk at him. He lifts his hands in mock defense. Then you open the towel and start spreading the cream on your stomach, then your legs, then your butt. He’s watching you still, so you smile. “You say you like my skin, well it takes a lot of creaming to maintain it”

“I thought that was my job, love” He says in a low voice from behind me, putting his hands on my hips.

“Not like-” you start but decide it’s not even worthy, he knows what you meant. You just swat him on the shoulder and he laughs, going back to the room.

“By the way” he says putting his head back through the door. “You smell amazing, so finish up and get your ass back in the bed so I can properly cream you up”

“Daniel!” Little shit. He laughs even louder.

When you go back inside the room Daniel is sitting on the bed, looking through his phone. You pass him towards the closet and decide to take a look at the clothes you brought with you, to see if there's anything you could wear to this party tomorrow. What do you even wear to a yacht?

You take a few outfits and place them in front of your body, testing them on the mirror, but nothing seemed appropriate.

"You want a shirt baby?" Daniel asks you out of nowhere.

"Hum? Yeah, sure" you answer him, hanging the clothes back in the closet.

"Are you looking for something for tomorrow? Just buy something with Charlotte" he said simply while putting sweat pants on.

"Yeah... I..." you took a deep breath, "It's just..." you tried to say, but nothing seemed to come out. You were scared he was gonna think you're being ridiculous.

"What?" he looked at you.

"Nothing, never mind" you gave up, putting on his shirt with your underwear and going back to his room. He followed you, wearing nothing but his sweat pants.

"I'm just guessing here, but I have a feeling it's a good one" he started, "It's the money thing, isn't it? You don't want to spend money buying an outfit for this party?"

"It's not that I don't want to, Dan. I just can't afford it!" you said raising your voice tone a bit. He just stared at you for a while. "I don't know if you've noticed, I'm not on a million dollars contract but I'm still living like I was!" you sat down on the bed, eyes filling with water. "I just can't do this anymore, sorry. It's killing me and it's so stupid, so petty, but again, it's not! Cause what would the solution be? You paying for everything? Me just becoming a leech? A gold-digger?" he was watching you quietly, but let out a laugh at that last part.

"Don't laugh! I'm serious!" you continued.

"Baby, listen to yourself. What do you want me to do besides laughing?" he smiled sympathetically at you.

"Well, I'm glad you're finding it amusing because I feel sick everytime the subject comes up. The clothes, restaurants, plane tickets... I can't be living like that, and it's not just that. It's also because I know there's only one way this is going"

"You finally understanding this is ridiculous and accepting the credit card I made on your name months ago?" he said sitting by your side.

"Us not being together anymore. We're just from too different worlds, it's not gonna work. You need someone that can keep up with this lifestyle" you said getting up and walking towards the bathroom.

"No, you're not!" he said pulling you back down to his lap by your waist. "Enough with this bullshit" he said kissing your face and wipping your tears away. "Tell me what the real problem is. This is not about money, money is only a tool, a means to something, we can't let it have this much power over us. There's always more where that came from" you just looked at him. He had a much more healthy relationship with money than you, maybe because he had so much to spare. "This is not about money. You're not greedy, I know you. You're just the polar opposite of it. The most generous person I know. Is that it? You're feeling guilty?"

"I think... kind of. It's not fair, how can I have so much, knowing that most people have never even seen that much money. We’ve spent the average person's paycheck on a meal, Dan!" you said.

"(y/n), baby... it's not your responsibility. You can't carry this weight on you. You already do so much for people, you volunteer and donate all the time... you can't deprive yourself because other people don't have the same opportunity, that wouldn't be fair either" he tried to reason with you.

"But what about you?" you asked.

"What about me?"

"I just... listen, I know, rationally I mean... that I don't handle the idea of money very well. If you must know, I couldn't even take money from my parents as a kid. I just can't help but think it wasn't fair to them and it's not fair to you, to spend it with me. It's yours! You worked hard for it! I’m literally leeching on you!"

"So, you agree? The money is mine, so I can do with it what I please?" he said.

"Yes, but-"

"Why can't I spend it with the person I love most in the world? Huh? What is so wrong with it? Even if I was choosing to spend it on you instead of on myself, which I'm not, why couldn't I?"

"I feel like I'm taking advantage of you"

"Baby, we're taking advantage of this life. I was given this unholy amount of money for doing my dream job. Can you see how rare and fucking blessed this is? I mean, I thought so, until I met you. I thought I knew what a good life was until you were in it. This is a good life, with you enjoying this fucking lottery ticket with me" he said pecking your lips and rubbing your back, while you leaned on him. "Is this why you wouldn't come to London with me?" you looked at him and nodded.

"Sorry about that..."

"No, I'm sorry I didn't push more on the subject earlier. This has been going on for long enough now. It's just money, (y/n). Just it. Just a tool for the wonderful life we lead together. You understand?"

"Yeah"

"Look at me" he said turning your chin to look at him. "Do you really? Will you let me pay for stuff now? Tell me whenever you have an expense or even better, will you accept the credit card I made for you?"

"I don't think that's necessary"

"Please baby. Let's try it my way? Will you use it from now on?" he asked again pecking your lips. "Say yes. Say yes, or I'll give you a minimal monthly spending goal as well" he smiled and you looked at him like he was crazy.

"I'm not comfortable with it"

"Just try, please? You can start by buying something tomorrow for the party" the look on his face changed and you knew he was about to tease you. "If you'd prefer, we can say you're buying something for me... you wanna be my sugar baby?" he laughed.

"Too soon to joke about it" you said but laughed anyway. "Okay" you said after a while, "I'll use it. But you have to promise me you'll tell me if you change your mind"

"You're scared I'll go in debt?"

"I know you would"

"Good. Because I would. For you. But I know you don't need me to, so if we run out of money we'll just be poor together. Good thing you have experience, huh?" he laughed.

"Asshole!" you swatted him on the chest.

"You know I'm joking. But you get it now, don't you? We're lucky enough we don't have to worry about it, so let's not worry about it. It shouldn't even take a second of our day, it doesn't matter. Us, being together and our happiness is what matters. Okay?"

"Okay. Thank you, for being so understanding. Sorry for being... you know"

"I love you. And I don't expect you to simply go on a shopping spree, although I do expect you to buy those plane tickets soon. But the thing is, I'm here for it, I'm here to solve every little obstacle that gets in our way, no matter what, no matter how silly you're being"

"You're being so mature about this" you smirked at him.

"Well, what can I say? Being the perfect human I am, I understand that other humans are not, I'm just humbled that I can guide you on your path of enlightenment" he laughed and you rolled your eyes. "In all seriousness now, you know why is that, don't you?"

"Why? Because you're just better than everyone else?"

"Well, yes. But also because I have it really clear in my mind what really matters. And that's you. Us. It's all that matters to me. Being good for you" he said looking into your eyes.

"I love you, so much. I don't deser-" he cut you out by kissing you deeply and pulling you closer to him.

You moved so you were straddling him now, your arms around his neck and your hands on his hair. His hands that were on your waist, keeping you closer, started to slip down your body, so he was holding your bum.

"I want you" he said against your lips. You smiled and started to grind down against him. You were only wearing his shirt, which was bunched up around your waist, and your underwear, which wasn't the sexiest piece you owned but you didn't think Dan would care. In fact, he didn't seem to care at all for your underwear, cause he was already slipping his hand under you, pushing the thin layer to the side, and sliding his fingers through your lips.

You moaned at the sensation, still sensitive from your adventures early in the shower. "I... Dan..." you begin to say, but couldn't form a full sentence.

"What is it, baby girl? You want to say something?" he whispered against your ear, sucking your earlobe lightly. Then he pressed his pointer and middle finger against your clit, circling them firmly against you and making you moan louder for him.

"I'm still sensitive from early" you said against his lips, laughing a bit.

"You want me to stop?" he asked looking at you deeply.

"No!" you answered almost too fast, making him chuckle. "Don't stop, please"

"Hum... since you asked so nicely" he said sucking on your jaw, then your neck. You took that opportunity to slip your hand down his torso, feeling his chest and abs, and then reaching for him through his sweat pants. He was rock hard already. This man is insatiable. You smiled at the sound he made when you grabbed him lightly.

"I just want to feel you inside me" you said pulling his pants down and out of the way. He lifted you both from the bed slightly to help you take them off, then you grabbed and lined him with your center, sitting down slowly, letting only the head in first.

“Babe, please,” it’s Daniel’s turn to beg now “I need you" and then you sink down on him, feeling all of his length while he bottoms out inside you. He sucks on your sweet spot, muffling the groan that comes out of his mouth.

"Oh my god Dan" you moan, dropping your head back and giving him even more access to your neck. You pull his hair a bit more, fingers clamped down so tightly you're scared you might pull his hair out. You stay like this, feeling him deep inside you, for a while. He pulls away to look you in the eyes and kiss your lips, massaging your tongue with his. It's so intimate, so truthful, like he said, the only thing that matters in the world.

"I love you" he says looking you deep in the eyes. You nod before replying because you want to make sure he knows you know. That you believe and trust him.

"I love you, so much" you say back.

Then you roll your hips, testing out the angle, and it's almost too much to handle. It feels like hours and seconds at the same time, but you find a rhythm together, a pace you can keep sitting on him, while he only worries about kissing you and keeping you both from falling from the bed.

You're sure you'll be feeling sore tomorrow. Actually, you already are. Your legs, tired from the running and all the sex you've been having lately, start to give out and you lose your strength. Luckily, Daniel seems to catch that before you have to say anything, so he brings his hands to your hips and starts to help you move up and down on him.

You sit up slightly, moaning at the different angle he hitting now and he groans, feeling you clench around him. "(y/n)" he moans your name, "baby, I'm go-" he moans, feeling you clench again.

"Me too" you reply.

"Where do want me to? Huh? I'm gonna cum for you baby" you kiss him, feeling your pussy spasm around him, making it even harder for him to keep a steady rhythm.

"Inside me. I need you to come inside me, please, please baby" and there's no time to think, to ask if you're sure. You feel his whole body tensing and his thrusts get sloppier. Then, when you feel the hot liquid spur inside you, he grabs a handful of your ass with one hand and slips his other in between the two of you, flicking your clit rapidly and precisely.

That's all it takes for you to lose it completely, your walls fluttering around him as your body trembles at the intensity of the pleasure.

You both ride your orgasms together, you rolling your hips slower and slower, and him holding you tighter and closer until you stop completely. The only sound being your heavy breathings.

After a while, you pull away to find him already staring at you.

"You are the most beautiful thing I ever laid eyes on" he says to you and you feel the warmth of his words.

"I'm yours. Forever" you say simply and kiss him lightly on the lips.

"I feel like I have so much to lose. It honestly scares the living shit out of me"

"I know what you mean. I feel the exact same, I promise. I don't know how I got so lucky to find you" you say.

"And I, you. But we're just being dumb, right? I guess it's good we know that, but also... that we're not going anywhere, right?" he asks and you can sense there's some insecurity behind his line.

"Right. We're only getting stronger" you say and kiss him again. "I love you, Daniel"

"I love you, so much" he says touching your foreheads. "Let me get something to clean you up, then we can cuddle the rest of the night"

"You're the only guy I know that likes cuddling this much" you smile getting up from him. He hisses a bit at the sensation but gets up right after you.

"You don't have to worry about other guys' preferences" he says rolling his eyes. Yep. If your thing is low self-esteem and money-related issues, his is definitely jealousy and overall insecurity.

"I don't, silly" you peck him in the lips. He seems to relax a bit and when he comes back from the bathroom his phone lights up, he goes to check on it after passing you the towel.

"Charles just texted Charlottes contact. I'll forward it to you, okay?"

"Yep" you answered and it was your phone's turn to light up. "Can I confess something?" you asked him, adjusting your clothes.

"Hum?"

"I'm really excited to hang out with her tomorrow. I kind of miss girl company during the GPs and even when I'm here in Monaco and you're busy" he smiled and put a shirt on.

"Look at you, making friends! How cute"

"Shut up" you playfully pushed him, while you guys climbed into bed. You texted her 'hello' and Daniel's address before locking your phone and adjusting in his arms. There's still a lot to figure out and you weren't sure you'd be able to handle the money thing any better. You hoped so, after all, you didn't know how much more Daniel can be understanding. But you could think about all that another time. Right now life was good in the arms of the man you loved and loved you back. You felt safe.

.

.

Tag list (this is so fancy! I've never done a tag list before haha): @scotlynaurora @your-favourite-blonde @unicornfairytail @c-d-9

@isntmadrid @lharrietg @sassybatflowerpaper

[tinyboxxtink]

"....So I Married A Murderer" *Chapter 4*

Chapter 3

Chapter 5

Look I know I'm not helping myself with the Olivia stans, but in my defense this is a totally legitimate situation. And valid feelings towards Olivia given said situation. I'm not saying she's actually the bad guy here, but from an outsider's prospective without having actually seen what Lewis did to her, it's really just Olivia's hearsay. Am I wrong?!

That being said you know she's always gotta have that thing for Rafa, wedging her way in there. I'm sorry, it has to happen.

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

@thatesqcrush

@shittanyy

@mrsrafaelbarba

@word-scribbless

@storiesofsvu

@believinghurts

------------------------

“Uh, who is it?” Rafael called through the door, still panting from the work out his was mouth was getting.

“It’s me,” Olivia’s voice came back through.

��Shit…” Rafael pushed you off him and straightened himself up. You had never seen him ‘jump’ so fast when someone beckoned. Then again you hadn’t really seen him at work; but you thought he’d be more dominant than he was acting.

“Come in,” He instructed as he smoothed out his suit. Olivia opened the door and walked in, her face went from a smile to a scowl when she saw you standing there.

“Is this…?” She eyed you.

“Olivia this is my girlfriend, Y/N,” He gestured to you.

You had to smile, even though you were severely uncomfortable with the awkward exchange and introductions. You really hadn’t heard Rafael ever introduce you to anyone, let alone as his girlfriend. And also, you were relieved he still thought of you as such. Although you weren’t really sure how long that was going to last.

“Oh she’s your girlfriend now?” Olivia crossed her arms, causing you to furrow your eyebrows. What was her problem?

“What are you talking about Liv?” Rafael took your hand defensively. “She’s always been my girlfriend, you know that,”

“Uh huh and now that she’s in cahoots with Lewis?”

“Cahoots,” You snickered, causing the both of them to give you a look. “What? It’s a funny word…” You now looked at the floor in embarrassment. Excuse you for trying to lighten the mood.

“She’s not in ‘cahoots’ with Lewis…” He assured Olivia, then turned to you. “Are you, carino?”

“Uh…” How were you supposed to answer that? Obviously you weren’t helping him plan his next murder, but you also came down here with the specific intent to defend him to Rafael. Your pause gave both Rafael and Olivia concern.

“Y/N…” Rafael said more seriously, dropping your hand.

“Well…” You tugged at your blazer. “I’m not helping plan any murders, if that’s what you’re saying,”

“Oh my god…” Rafael muttered, looking away from you.

“Raff, look--”

“No no no,” Olivia now stepped in between the two of you. “No ‘Raff’, lady,” She glared at you.

“Excuse the hell out of you, woman,” You glared right back.

“If you’re planning on helping that monster with anything--” Olivia got in your face.

“Why is he a monster?” You stepped right into her, not afraid of her tough guy act.

“Excuse me?” Oliva narrowed her eyes harder.

“I want to hear in specific details, just exactly why you think he’s a monster,” You challenged her.

“Wha--?” She looked at Rafael in disbelief. “Because he kidnapped me? Tortured me? Almost killed me?!”

“From what I saw you almost killed him, Ms. Benson,” You said snidely.

“Excuse me?” Olivia was stunned at your defiance.

“I saw the scars on his face, and his damaged ear. He’s partially deaf now, because of you,” You explained.

“Wow…” Olivia exhaled sarcastically. “WOW….”

“Y/N,” Rafael’s voice softened. “No offense but, you don’t know what you’re talking about--”

“Are they fake?” You asked.

“What?” He replied quizzically.

“The scars,” you clarified. “Are they fake?”

“Well no, but--”

“So she did beat him within an inch of his life?” You gestured towards Olivia.

“I HAD TO!!!” Olivia screamed.

“BULLSHIT!!!!!!” You screamed back at her.

“Y/N!” Rafael yelled, trying to get your attention over the screaming.

“You’re telling me, that once you got him unconscious,” You narrowed your eyes. “Which, let’s be real would only take a few blows to the head, if not just one,”

Olivia exhaled again, crossing her arms and looking away from you as you approached her slowly.

“That you couldn’t have just-- I don’t know, run away? Gotten help?” You got even closer, lowering your voice to a growl. “That you just had to beat my husband to all hell?”

“Y/N…” Rafael’s voice sounded hurt now, hearing you call Lewis your husband.

“Yes,” Olivia stuck to her guns.

“You’re a fucking liar,” You resisted the urge to spit in her face as you backed away from her.

“You really know how to pick ‘em, don’t you Barba?” Olivia scoffed.

You suddenly remembered Rafael being in the room, hearing you defend Bobby like that. You turned to see him with tears in his eyes, betrayal on his face.

“Y/N you need to leave,” Rafael said in a soft but terse tone.

“No,” You crossed your arms now. You did feel bad that you were turning on him, but if he was going to defend this bitch just because she was his friend, you were angry at him too.

“Rafael,” You lowered your voice but kept your anger. “Look you weren’t there. You’re just taking her word for it--”

“And you’re just taking Lewis’s word for it!” Rafael didn't falter

“Because he was my HUSBAND!” You exclaimed angrily. If he wasn't backing down, neither were you.

“She’s my BEST FRIEND!!!” He argued,

“Oh is she? Now she’s your best friend? Because that’s not what you said the other night. Or were you lying to me?” You now were starting to doubt anything he said to you.

“W-What?” Olivia said softly, making Rafael turn to her sadly. Now she had the betrayed look on her face.

“A I told you not to tell her, and B--” He paused as he walked over to Liv with a pathetic look before turning back to you. “I thought you were.”

“You thought I was?” You bit your lip, afraid of what was coming.

“Y/N if you’re going to...to choose that monster over me, how the fuck am I supposed to consider you a friend?”

“I’m not ‘choosing’ him Rafael,” Angry tears stung your eyes. “You KNOW she’s lying! It doesn’t make any sense!”

“Look you weren’t there either Y/N,” Rafael said sternly. “You don’t know the kind of trauma he put her through--”

“So that makes it okay?” You challenged him, still glaring at Olivia. “Last time I checked, the NYPD wasn’t built on ‘Marshall Law’,”

“It wasn’t--” Rafael started.

“I didn’t kill him!” Olivia defended herself.

“Oh gee detective, how kind of you,” You mocked her. “You let him live with severe deficits because-- what? He wouldn’t sleep with you? Because you had a bad trip?”

“THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED, YOU LITTLE BITCH!!!!!” Olivia charged you, and before Rafael could do anything she was on top of you, slapping the shit out of you.

“OLIVIA!!!!” Rafael screamed before immediately pulling Olivia off of you. You stood up in shock and anger, your face hot and swelling from her hands across it.

“...And you’re going to believe THAT, over Billy?” You gestured to Olivia.

“Alright that was a little much--” He conceded to Olivia's little stunt.

A LITTLE MUCH?!” You now screamed while stomping your foot. “I didn’t even do anything to her, and she ATTACKED me!”

“You were cornering her--” He kept making excuses for her.

“You’re still defending her,” You laughed dryly, tears apparent in your voice. “She just attacked me, and you’re still defending her,”

“Y/N,” His voice was now soft and sorry. “Baby, I--” He went to take your hand.

“No,” You snapped it away and backed away from the two of them. “Don’t you fucking dare start ‘baby’ now, Rafael,”

“You had the audacity to act betrayed when I defended Billy, who has never done ANYTHING to you. When you-- you ACTUALLY see your little ginger there attack me, and defend her?” Angry, hot tears now spilled down your face.

“Baby please--” He begged you just as he had at your house the night before.

“No,” You shook your head. “No, I’m not falling for this-- ‘baby please, I love you, you’re in danger, I’m the good guy,’ bullshit anymore,”

“It’s not bullshit!” Rafael replied frantically. He knew he was losing you.

“Really? Because from where I’m standing, the only ‘monster’ here is her,” You gestured towards Olivia who was still quietly raging from earlier.

“You know Billy wants to get back together,” You said simply to Rafael.

“What….NO,” Rafael was really beginning to panic now. “No you can’t go back to that--”

“If you say ‘monster’ one more time I swear to God Rafael--”

“What, are you gonna hit him?” Olivia mocked him.

“No, that’s what YOU do, captain!” You spat.

“Amor, please don’t do this,” He used spanish pet names, knowing they were your weakness. “Please don’t just go back to him because you’re mad at me. You don’t know what he’ll--”

“He won’t do anything to me, Rafael,” You rolled your eyes.

“B-But you don’t even love him anymore--” He stammered.

“MAYBE I DO!” You screamed angrily.

“W-What?” Rafael gasped.

“Billy left me, Rafael,” You started to cry.

“I didn’t leave him. Yeah he hurt me, he broke my heart. But--” You looked up at the sky, really hating to admit this to him. “But I never stopped loving him,”

“....Well he doesn’t love you,” Rafael’s face now turned to a deep dark scowl. “He told me that himself,”

“Oh, did he?” You rolled your eyes, licking back your tears.

“He did,” Rafael’s voice was now eerily calm and quiet.

“He said that he stopped being in love with you a long time ago, that he wanted to kill you. The only reason he didn’t is because he didn’t want to upset your daughters!”

“That’s not--” You shook your head.

Maybe it was true, but maybe he just wanted to kill someone, not you. Sure it wasn’t the greatest argument, but right now it was all you had. You weren’t about to concede to Rafael right now, not after all the bullshit that just went down.

“He said the only reason he doesn’t want me with you is because he doesn’t like people touching his ‘things’!” He went on. “He called you a THING, Y/N. Not his wife, not a person, a THING,”

“Shut up,” You growled.

“He’s just manipulating you, Y/N,” He kept a stern tone. “He’s playing you so that he--”

“So that he can what, Rafael?” You cut him off. “Go back to killing people? You don’t think he’s been doing that already? Or what, do you think he’s going to come back after your lady love?”

“She’s not my--”

“He’s not stupid, Rafael,” You spat.

“He obviously knows I know who, or--what, he is now. He knows that if he starts going on ‘business trips’, that I’ll know. He’s holding himself accountable now. Now you tell me, why would he do that if he didn’t love me? If he didn’t love our family?”

“..I….” Rafael tried to rack his brain for some sort of logical reason, any logical reason.

“Because he still wants to get to me,” Olivia added like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Oh shut up, you twat,” You flipped her the bird.

“I said he’s not stupid. He’s not going to come after you, risk going back to prison. Or y’know, risk getting murdered by you,”

“I am not a murderer!” She stomped her foot.

“No, you’re just a sadistic, manipulative, evil wench,” You barked.

“You think Billy just wants me for himself, Rafael?” You half laughed while now addressing him. “What the fuck do you think she wants with you?”

"That's not--" Rafael tried to defend Liv again, but you weren't done.

“You say that I’m the one in danger, I’m the one who’s the with the psychopath, but look in the mirror,” You stared daggers into her.

“Maybe we’re just both attracted to monsters,” You bit the side of your cheek. “Maybe that’s our fatal flaw. Maybe we were never supposed to be together,”

“No,” Rafael shook his head and grabbed your hands before you could pull away. “No that is not true, don’t you ever say that,”

“Why not?!” You cried.

“Because I love you, Y/N,” He started to cry himself. “I know--- I know it looks bad, and I’m-- I’m sorry that we’re on opposite ends of this, but--” He paused, trying to compose himself.

“I may be upset with you, but that doesn’t mean that I stopped loving you. I will never stop loving you, you have to believe me,”

“Yeah well,” You broke free from his grasp, shaking your head with a sarcastic laugh, sobs dripping in your words.

“Maybe that’s the problem, Rafael. I don’t believe you,” You walked backwards towards the door.

“We’re done,” You turned on your heels and bolted out the door before you could break down sobbing in front of them. You wouldn’t give Olivia the satisfaction.

----------

“...You realize we’re going to have to go after her now, right Rafa?”

“Just--” Rafael put his hands over his face. “Just give me a fucking minute, Olivia,”

“But she--” Olivia’s words were cut off by Rafael’s phone going off.

UNKNOWN NUMBER

“No…” Rafael’s eyes widened. “No there is no way he could--”

“Answer it!” Olivia cried. Rafael put it on speaker.

“....Hello?”

“Damn Barba, you make this way too easy, it’s almost not fun anymore,”

“Lewis,”

“See, here I thought my wife’s little crush on you would deter her from believing me, but you just sent her running back into my arms,”

“You--”

“Actually I guess I should be thanking the good detective there, eh Olivia?”

“You son of a--”

“Hey, don’t get mad at me here, fire crotch,” He chuckled. “You should be thanking me,”

“And why’s that?” She asked warily.

“I just gave you what you’ve always wanted,” They could hear the evil smirk in his voice.

“...Excuse me?”

“Your little papi there?”

“How can you see--?” Both Olivia's and Rafael's eyes darted around his office, focusing on the huge window behind his desk.

“I have my ways, Livvie,” He chuckled darkly. “You know that,”

“Can we back up here?” Rafael chimed in. “What the fuck are you talking about, Lewis?”

“Rafael, he’s just--” Olivia tried to dismiss it.

“Ohhhh, he doesn’t know, does he Olivia?” Lewis asked in an amused tone.

“....Know what?” Rafael raised an eyebrow at Olivia.

“Well,” He chuckled even more sinisterly. “Let’s just say counselor, when I ‘allegedly’ tortured your little lady there,”

“Don’t,” Olivia warned.

“....It wasn’t some relative she was crying out for,” His words dripped with evil amusement as he revealed Olivia's dark secrets.

“...What?” Rafael now looked at Olivia with shock and awe. How had he never seen this?

“Rafael, he’s just saying things to get to you,” Olivia tried brushing him off, but the guilty look on her face was giving her away.

“Oh really? Am I? Tell me you’re not elated that I’ve just cleared the way for you right now, detective. Say that with a straight face while you look into papi’s eyes,”

“You’re sick,” Olivia sneered.

“That wasn’t a denial, Oliva,” Lewis pointed out.

“Oliva, come on--” Rafael said in frustration. How could this be spinning into such a soap opera shit show?

“So maybe you should listen to my wife, counselor,” His evil voice taunted them.

“Maybe you both need to be with your monsters, let nature take its course,” He licked his lips on the other end, eating up the pain he was causing.

“Because if you don’t, I promise you won’t like the results,”

“Lewis I swear to God--” Rafael growled.

“ Now if you’ll excuse me, I do believe the missus is on her way home to me right now. And I wanna give her a hell of a welcome home,” He chuckled one more time before the line went dead.

“Son of a--” Rafael threw his phone across the room angrily.

“Rafa,” Olivia said softly, nervous about the conversation they just had.

“Liv,” He put a hand up. “You need to leave,”

“What did I do?!” She put her hands on her hips.

“Nothing, I--” He sighed. “I just can’t look at you right now,”

“...Fine,” Olivia nodded, not wanting to push the issue right now.

She quietly walked out of the office, leaving Rafael alone. As soon as she was gone, he ran over to his desk and sat in his chair, breaking down into sobs.

What the hell was he going to do now?

[hardestgrove]

feel free to ignore this is a vent so yeah

this fandom makes me feel so freaking guilty about being a Billy stan and shipping mungrove. I can literally make an entire book about all the tiktoks and posts I've seen about people bashing Billy stans because billy is racist and what not. (I am black myself) and honestly, I don't see anything wrong with billy yet people make me feel so guilty for liking his character. Don't even get me started on mungrove I really like the ship but people have called me disgusting for shipping it because billy wouldn't like eddie. i dont even know what to say anymore

i shant ignore bc i wanna send you love and support. cause you deserve it.

i've got a long ass post or two about how ppl talk about this shit and how their whole dogpiling on billy stans is just wildly ignorant to how these kinds of things like ??? work??? like if you're walking in with the assumption he's racist that's not??? fucking baked in???? to his dna???? and their behavior is the kind of thing that makes people double down on their shitty beliefs if they have them so like, they're REALLY not helping ANYONE. it's just performative bullshit at the expense of real people's well being.

in my book mungrove is THE ship of the show any they never got screentime in the same fucking season LOL and no screaming dipshits are gonna change that. same with my liking billy. dacre put a beautiful job into breathing life and depth into what was going to be the most embarrassingly basic henry bowers rip off and if they lack the fucking brainpower to respect that then i don't got time for em.

there's a huge amount of eddie stans that are truly vile to everyone who's not a rabid steddie stan i mean they're fucking coming after chrissy and grace too and literally trying to incriminate her with doctored screencaps to make her look racist. these people are just disgusting as people and they think they can get away with it bc they're a big group and they're in the "moral right" when really they're just 00s yaoi fans by another name who violently hate women who "get in the way of their ship" and can't stand anything with more depth than what their stereotyped shit allows and don't like competition.

personally, as someone who's been seeing this shit online since i was like, 12 in the 00s anime geosites era i just block, delete and ignore. either they grow the fuck up or they don't and in that case i hope they get so toxic their accounts get deleted bc they earned that.

i hate that you feel like this bc fandom and shipping and shit is supposed to be FUN we are all sitting on the carpet of someone's bedroom making our barbies kiss and planning out their silly little adventures and giggling about it. some people just fucking can't stand the idea of other people liking different shit then they like it's wild.

my next mungrove content is gonna be dedicated to you (assuming it's not something like vermillion bc that's yikesy and i don't wanna put ur metaphorical name on that bestie lol) cause you're cute and you have GOOD TASTE and you DESERVE IT

but ur gonna have to literally type in /tagged/mungrove into the url bar to find it when i do bc my blog is glitched out of the tags atm lol kill me 💀 unless you wanna make a request in which case i will happily take it and make you a nice thing!!!!

also i'm working on a mungrove story where billy is friends w/ benefits w/ a girl named jodi who's mixed race and then he gets with eddie bc they were ~falling in love~ for like months lol and remains besties with her. (and plot twist! she's eddie's half sister! they didn't know that before lol) and like i didn't set out to win at "piss the psycho antis off" bingo but lol i'm now even more determined to finish that story!!!!

[potatotrash0]

Oh? You've been into Childhood alternative universes lately?*slides Mastermind Nagito file back and pulls seperate piece of paper out* Let's work with that. *sits in the worn down swivel chair that I imagine myself keeping in this hellscape of a fictional office* Now :).

Hinata and Nagito first met when they were six. Nagito was still sick at this time, so his parents were taking him to a doctor in a different country in hopes of being able to treat him. Nagito was sitting on a street corner waiting as some of the servants packed up the car for their plane trip, when he notices a little boy with the greenest eyes and the oddest cowlick crying on the other side of the street. When he goes up to the child to ask what's wrong, he sees the big scrape on his knee, and the busted skateboard lying next to him. Nagito offers a hand to him. "Komaeda Nagito. Need some help?" He says with a smile that wasn't yet tainted with anxiety and despair. The kid crying grabs the hand, still bursting at the seams with his tears, and manages to say "H-hinata Hajime." in a shaky voice. When Hajime's taken inside for a glass of water and bandages, and is able to talk in a less shaky voice, they make a fond promise to hang out when Nagito gets back.

When Nagito gets back from the "trip", Hajime is in absolute shock. This sweet kid who helped him without hesitation had to deal with all this... terrible luck. Hajime does his best to look up ways to feel better, gets a bucket of a water and a handful of chocolates ( drinking water can help stop crying and chocolate can give ranged waves of dopamine [if I remember right]- Hajime doesn't know what dopamine means but it was on a site to help sadness and shit and he's just doin his best), and heads to Nagito's house. He's allowed in, and when he eventually finds Nagito curled up in the corner of his room, he stupidly drops the bucket and chocolates in front of him with a grin. Nagito responds by crawling over to him and crying on his shoulder for seemingly hours, and Hajime lets him.

Nagito was glad he had someone who wouldn't judge him for his "good luck" now.

( afterwards, Nagito says that it was alright, that he heard the servants talking about how it was good luck, since he inherited a large estate, and Hajime says he heard his parents say the same thing, and they both agree that it must have been good luck, since everyone else said so, despite the countless bruises and tears that it caused. Neither of them realize that their views on luck were permanently obscured since then.)

They grow closer after that, and don't seperate once, not as they grow older, not as life beats Nagito inwards which each traumatic event and curls into his beliefs of hope, despair, and talent, not as Hajime realizes he can't save Nagito from himself. Which each day, they grow closer and closer to the hip, practically seamed to each other.

That is, until Hope's Peak academy came into the picture. Nagito and Hajime immediately jumped for whatever chance they had to get in (both reasons are personal, but more tied to the character- Nagito still desires to be amongst the greatest, while Hajime still desires to be remembered [mostly by Nagito, though he doesn't entirely realize that's why].), but when they're still separated by the two courses, that's ywhere the problem lies. You see, Nagito is still an insensitive dumbfuck that doesn't realize how his words affect other people, and when he keeps actively degrading the reserve course students even in front of Hajime, it takes a toll. Hajime starts believing that Nagito hates him because of his status as a reserve course student now, and between the pressure of all the bullshit that happens to him because of his status and now this bs drama, he's willing to pay a price for his affection once again. A price that'll be much too permanent for either's liking.

This is where I add the Kamakura project in. I'm sorry for this upcoming angst shit but I always find my way back here.

When Hajime is presented the Kamakura project, he thinks about being able to join Nagito in the talent course and that Nagito won't be hate him for it anymore. He thinks of Nagito showering him with hugs and praise for finally being able to join him and his classmates. He thinks of the joy it'll bring to Nagito and his parents- but mostly Nagito. He thinks of Nagito, Nagito, Nagito as he signs his name. He didn't think he'd be shoved into a pod. He didn't think he wouldn't be able to see Nagito ever again. As he dies, he thinks about the little boy who offered his hand to him when his other friends left. Nagito, Nagito, Nagito. Izuru is born thinking of this boy, and it sticks. Nagito, Nagito, Nagito. He doesn't stop thinking of him, even when Enoshima and Ikusaba appeared with their proposition of despair (a part of him told him to not do it, let Nagito keep his hope, this man he couldn't remember), even when Chiaki dies in front of him (he feels... guilty, about her death, but not exactly sorrow. he wonders if he'd feel this way if the sheep man died.).

Nagito realizes who Izuru was when he turned around to aim at him. He saw the cold, dead eyes of this man, and for a moment he saw the boy who remembered him and brought him water and chocolate to help him feel better. The one person Nagito thought couldn't be affected by his luck was gone now. This was how Nagito fell into despair.

They generally stayed together for most of the apocalypse, still attached to the hip, although it was... different now. There were no more subconscious handholding moments as they traveled through the streets. There was no more trying to stop Servant from berating himself. There was no more helping Hinata's injuries. No more ice cream "dates". No more... love, in their presence.

Izuru tells Servant about his plan as they sit together on the boat to Jabberwock. Servant is sitting in the other's lap, stroking their hair as they speak. He responds with expressing his excitement, and Izuru feels a wave of guilt wash over him, though he drowns it out immediately.

Hajime wakes up to see his best friend standing over him. "Hey, Hajime, are you alright?" Nagito says, with a smile tainted with fear and despair as he offers his hand to help him up. Hajime briefly feels a sense of Deja vu, and grabs the offered hand.

(I keep making these too long dkckakkflakfkalfk f u c k)

sobs.........every time you get to the kamukura project i just brace myself bc it hurts like hell 100% of the time without fail......but ahhhhhhh i love this.......

for a moment i thought this was gonna be childhood friends and mastermind komaeda and i nearly had a heart attack?? mmm i’m still buzzing with the ideas but i’ll put it under the cut

just like. hajime finding comfort in having at least one person to rely on in this bizarre situation. komaeda really does ground him, he realizes, but that stability seems to crumble beneath him during that first trial. watching nagito, someone he thought he knew so well, reveal that he had been the one behind this elaborate plan to get himself or someone else killed? there’s no way hajime could okay after that, no way he could look at him the same way.

and he doesn’t, but he doesn’t look at him completely differently either. this komaeda, someone who’s unstable and actively looks forward to the next murder, is still komaeda. he’s still the same guy who goes through whole novels like they’re picture books, who pokes at his food at meal times and has to be nagged at to eat. he’s still nagito. and even if he wanted to, hajime couldn’t find it in himself to just ditch the guy he grew up with for all those years.

so, he reaches out again. gets to know his childhood friend for a second time, relearning his beliefs, his likes, his dislikes. even discovers some things he never noticed before. in a way, they were driven apart, but also brought back together again.

and that’s part of the reason it’s such a shock to see komaeda in monokuma’s place during that last trial, grinning down at them. he looks and sounds like nagito, but he couldn’t be him. someone who put them through all this couldn’t be that same boy who helped him when he fell off his skateboard all those years ago......right?

all of this information, from the world being a simulation to his childhood friend being the one to basically kill all of their classmates, it all throws him off. not to mention that he might not even exist outside of this program. choosing between staying with someone who betrayed him twice over or disappearing entirely........can he even make a decision like that?

[artsyxloner]

Not Just a Monster

Warning: None

15. Running out of supplies

We were running out of water, that's what Eun-Hyuk told me, there was a small Secret group meeting We had. I was Currently in the Storage room packing and dividing the rations.

With Ji-Su, Jae-Heon, Eun-Hyuk's and Hyun-Su he was finally able to come out and Socialize with others. I was happy he didn't have to stay Cooped up in that small room.

Coming out from the closet I saw Ji-Soo carrying a pack of water bottles it must have been heavy because she looked like she was in pain. And her face was more Paler now than before.

Going over I picked them up for her, this time I asked, I was getting concerned. " are you okay?" I whispered, laying the water down. She was caught off guard by the question.

" Pardon?"

I stopped at what I was doing, " I know there something wrong you should tell someone." We packed food and other Essentials, putting them in small crates and boxes. " I'm fine plus if there was something wrong no one will be able to help-"

She was interrupted when someone busted in through the door. It was Seung-wan he started to yell, getting angry. " Stop!" We all looked up at him.  Has he gone nuts already?

" did you think I wouldn't notice if you guys, ran away?"  I raised an eyebrow, we aren't Secretly running away, where did he hear this from?

Eun-Hyuk and came in, as did the other guys. " give me my share!" He ran towards Jae-Heon grabbing the food he was holding. Trying to take it away from him. " Fuck I can't trust anyone anymore!"

He screamed out like a mad man, Jae-Heon grabbed him trying to calm him down. " clam down, let's talk!" But Seung-Wan pushed him against the glass Freezer. " don't touch me!!" He pulled out a box cutter knife pointing it Jae-Heon's neck.

My eyes widened thinking he was going to cut him. " I'm not going to die here like this! I'm going to leave here by myself!" He then pointed it at Eun-Hyuk I started to walk forward but Hyun-Su grabbed my hand and shook his head.

"  give me the car keys." He pushed something pasted him it hitting the wall getting closer to Eun-Hyuk with the knife. " Give me the car keys you asshole! Give me the car keys you son of a-" he screamed, his hand shaking with the knife.

He was about to get cut Eun-Hyuk but was stopped by Sang-Woo. He pulled him away and punched him straight in the face. He fell, groaning in pain, but he grabbed him pulling the mad man up.

Dragging him away, I should have been shocked by what I just saw but in this world it was normal I wasn't Surprised but we humans shouldn't act like this towards each other, we should at least have some common courtesy.

Following them Seung-Wan was on the floor. " why don't you go out there then?" Sang-Wook Insisted, Seung-wan started to scream like crazy. " you don't know how it feels. To have your life and someone else's hands!!"

" what are you doing?" Gil-Seob came in to view. " do you want the kids seeing this?" He questioned, I turned my head to them. " Who cares what the kids see you're not? We're all going to die anyway!!" It all got quiet for a moment.

We all were staring at him until Gil-Seob began to walk towards him. " No... not all of us will." He crouches down to Seung-Wan level. " people who act stupid As you do. Just because they're afraid are the ones who die first!"

He then slapped his knee, " get a grip, and more importantly Take care of your own life." He told him the guy looked like he was about to cry. After that, it was silent and very awkward.

Like the air was on thin ice if you stepped on it, it could break at any given moment. Everyone then began to leave because of it. But before I went, I hadn't realized I was holding Hyu-Su's hand the entire time.

It was Firmly gripped in mine. Did Hyun-Su know we were holding hands? I mean it's not that hard to Acknowledge plus he was holding it tight. Taking a glance at him his eyes were peering down at our interlocked fingers.

A blush formed on his cheeks, eyes wide and big. Letting go, I was kinda embarrassed. He looked up my way, but I left before he could say anything. My stomach was feeling queasy like I needed to throw up.

I knew why though I was getting feeling for Hyun-Su and it was too many feelings for my stomach to handle. I said that I should live life but it's hard when you don't know when you're time is up and that you're gonna turn into a monster anytime soon.

Going to the bathroom, I splashed water on my face, trying to calm myself down. I can like him right? Even though we were both infected he just didn't know it yet. Is it worth it though, I would just end up getting my hopes up? 

Why is this so complicated, I grumbled.  Knowing liking someone in this Situation leads to trouble and never turns out good. When I was done having a two-sided conversation with myself I went back into the day-care-Center to clear my head.

But Eun-Hyuk stopped me, " I need to talk it's important." He insisted, Motioning for me to follow him we walked into the office and I saw, Gil-Seob and Du-Sik. What were they doing here?

" We need more supplies," Eun-Hyuk began, " food is running sort so is the water as you know it's Been Contaminated we need to get outside resources." He said this writing it all on a Chalkboard.

" first Mr. An has been scouting out the area to make sure it's safe for the person that goes out, Mr. Han is fixing the car and Reinforcing it. And Lastly Soo-Nico you will go out and get the supplies we need."

He explained as if the others already knew about this and volunteered me for the job. " I'm not doing this to use you Soo-Nico you are the best chance we have out there." He said as if I was the only one to do it.

I guess I was the only one able to do the job since I knew were every monster out there, including their whereabouts, how they kill, and how to escape if necessary.

Thinking it over, it was for everyone's survival including mine. So I agreed to it, not seeing I had a choice either. We all made our way to the Day-Care-Center telling everyone we were having a meeting.

I sat in the left corner of the room on a desk. While everyone piled in, seeing Hyun-Su he sat next to me on a stool. Things were still kinda awkward soon we didn't say anything to each other.

Soon Eun-Hyuk brought in the chalkboard I saw just a few moments before he stood in front of it, " we need to Venture outside, we only have five days' worth of food. We'll search the Convenient store first."

He told us, good for him I know a store that still tons of food. " isn't too dangerous?" Jae-Heon, questioned, well yes it was. " we've been preparing, Mr. An has scouted out the area And Mr. Han is working on the car." He explained.

" Hang on there, four eyes who's going then, I mean are we going to draw straws?" Byeong-ll wondered, wanting to know who will go out.

" it's an important mission only Who is likely to succeed will go and knows what it likes out there." He finished, they didn't have to guess they all knew. " Soo-Nico will go out there with her experience."

Everyone's eyes landed on me, including Hyun-Su. " but didn't she get caught up in that spider web?" Someone I didn't even know the name if asked. Eun-Hyuk nodded, " Yes but she got out on her own."

He defeated me, which I was shocked by. Soon the meeting was over and they all left, telling me good luck. I didn't expect it though. Going back outside, I don't know if I was ready?

" So you're going out there?" Hyun-Su spoke, it Startled me when he did. Getting over my mini heart attack I told him yeah. "I'm the only one so who else?" I laughed

I was expecting him to but he wasn't. His face was blank. " but do you want to?" As if he read my mind a few minutes ago, I didn't but there are some things you have to do. " I wouldn't do it if it wasn't necessary but it is." And it was, but Hyun-Su seemed to understand.

" Just be careful."

I smiled, " sure, whatever you say." I was happy he was genuinely concerned, but he shouldn't be, leaving him alone I walked out but saw Ji-Soo running to the restroom she was sweating badly, and she looked deadly pale.

Clutching her side, I knew something was wrong. Going after her, she was banging on the only working stall door. " hurry up, you're still not done?" She was bending over in pain Groaning.

Eun-Yoo was in the stall. She began to talk but there was a short pause. " –yeah I need more time." She said making her wait on purpose. Shaking my head I went over there.

Grabbing the doorknob I shook it violently. " hey open up she needs to go in there it's urgent!" I demanded, hitting the door. Ji-Soo wasn't looking so good.

" that's too bad for her, she should have come yesterday if it was so urgent." I couldn't believe her words, " Hey, do you have a death wish!!" I threatened, " what I'm using the bathroom to survive, you know." I rolled my eyes she didn't understand the situation.

" Hey, Eun-Yoo hey! Hurry up! Come on." She banged on the door. Leaning against it, like she couldn't keep herself up. I have enough of this bullshit. " Eun-Yoo! Open the door right now, she in pain." I heard her sign from the other side.

" I would be careful how your talking to me don't want a little Secret to get out." She laughed, Just as I said that she fell to the floor.

I let out a scream, moving next to her, " Ji-Soo?! Ji-Soo?!" I shook her trying to get her to wake up. Soon Eun-Yoo came out, staring at her she gazed over letting out a small scream.

She ran over, " Hey, what's wrong? Come on wake up!" Now that she was on the floor pasted out did she care? " are you turning too? Because you couldn't take a shit?"

She shook her harder, " Hey, wake up, Yoon Ji-Soo. W he acts wrong wake up!!" She cried, screaming, I was too tears fell my cheeks not knowing if she was dying or not.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-One [PT. 2]

Words: 2.5K

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of drug abuse, mentions of domestic abuse

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"Your little one is here as of right now." Dr. Telille says, pointing to a very little area to the far side of my womb and I smile before she switches the focus slightly and then looks at the screen with a slightly odd look before flipping through my chart. "At your previous Obstetrician, did they mention any abnormalities?" She asks me. 

"No." I shake my head. 

"You said in your history you've had recurrent miscarriages?" She asks next. 

"Yes." 

"Okay, Mrs. Sixx, don't be alarmed by this because there is a solution but this," she turns the screen to me again, pointing at a shadow in the picture that looks like it's creating bunny ears or something. "Is a layer of tissue that's not supposed to be there. It halts fetal growth, and ultimately causes miscarriages, often times even before a fetus is interacting with the tissue itself, physically." She informs me and I feel like my chest is throbbing from how hard my heart is beating. "The good news is that we can fix this, I've had to do a few surgeries like this before--we can go in and cut that tissue out without disturbing your baby, but we will need to have it done within the next week--two weeks at the most." She explains and I raise my brows. 

"What's my chance of carrying out my pregnancy to term without the surgery?" I ask, trying to stay calm. 

"With a successful surgery, there is a 80% chance of you carrying it to term, and a higher chance at not facing as many pregnancy difficulties in the future like you've had previously. Without the surgery, with your history, it's very, very probable that you won't get to four months without miscarrying--if that far." She adds. 

"What's the risk of this surgery causing complications?" I ask next. 

"30%." She replies and I breathe out. "You don't have to make a decision today, you can go home and think about it and talk about it with the father but we need to get it scheduled in the next few days." 

"Um, o-okay…" I rub my lips together. 

"And if you are interested in the surgery, we can go ahead and send it in and see if insurance will cover it." She assures me. 

"I don't have maternity insurance right now." I tell her and she looks at me uneasily. 

"No worries, we can figure the costs out after you decide if you want it or not." She tells me, calmly, and I just nod. 

I numbed myself. I would've been freaking out, having a meltdown, begging God to spare my damn baby for once...but as soon as she started in on what was wrong with me, the negative outcomes...I flicked the switch in my brain and just let myself feel absolutely nothing as best as I could. My nervousness was relief compared to blatant breakdown mode that I knew would hit inevitably.

And how the hell did I tell Duff and Nikki that I was going to need surgery that could potentially terminate my pregnancy--or suffer what I'd suffered before and still lose a baby? Oh, right. I didn't. At least, not as soon as I probably should have.

When I get to my new little house I'm renting with my savings, Duff's sitting on the little porch, drinking a beer. 

"How'd it go?" He asks me, standing up as I unlock the door. 

He couldn't go with me this time because he had to go look at a couple houses with Mandy, which I understand because they had already canceled once with a real-estate agent and would get charged extra if they missed another appointment. 

"Good." I lie, clearing my throat. 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." 

Whisky's barking at us until he realizes it's me, and then he won't get out from under my feet until I pat him on the head. 

"I need to finish unpacking." I say before Duff can ask anymore questions. 

"Well, it's your lucky day because I know how to unpack." He states, grinning. 

I go change into pajamas and when I get back, he's pulling pictures from one of the boxes, neatly placing them on the coffee table in the living room and I pick them up and start figuring out where to put them. 

"So, my family really wants me to bring you up." He says, optimistically. "I was thinking leave Sunday and come back next Saturday."

"...Duff, I can't just up and leave right now. I have to finish unpacking, and I'm gonna be meeting with Nikki once a week and then him and the guys once a week so that's two different…" I trail off as he cuts open another one of my packed boxes with his pocket knife, a look of disappointment on his face. "...It's not that I don't want to, you know. I just have a lot going on right now." 

"We'd just be gone for a week." He says, looking at me. "It's the only time off I have for a while since we're doing a few shows in New York and Europe." He adds. "And I really want my family to know you, kinda, before you have the baby." 

"I don't know." I hesitantly tell him and he licks his lips. "I don't know, Duff, okay? I just...ughhh." I groan, raking my hands through my hair. 

"If you don't want to meet my family then don't worry about it, Vivian." He says it a little passive aggressively and I raise my brows. 

"'Vivian'? Since when the hell am I 'Vivian'?" I ask, mimicking his tone. 

"That's your name isn't it?" He asks next and I cross my arms.

"You usually call me 'Viv', or...something…"

"Well, I'm not calling you, 'babe,' or, 'baby,' since we aren't dating anymore so…"

"You're being a dick." 

"I'm not being a dick. I'm just family oriented and I want my family to know you and our kid and you're making up excuses to not go and meet them."

"Excuse me for not wanting to be judged." I snap back. 

"They're not fucking judgemental." 

"Oh, so you're cussing at me now, too, huh?" 

"Quit trying to start an argument." He tells me. 

"I'm not starting an argument, I'm making a valid point." 

"You're making an assumption." He corrects me. "My family isn't judgemental. They're really not. I don't even think they're worried with the fact that you were married when we got together because they haven't said a word about it. They just want to meet you." 

"Matt didn't seem so cool about it." I mumble. 

"Matt was trying to keep both of us out of trouble." He explains. "He wasn't judging you. He just doesn't like drama and if we would've gotten caught he knew it'd just be a bunch of bullshit we'd have to get thrown at us." 

I just stare at him. 

"And I'm sorry for cussing at you, but I'm trying to be positive about all of this and I really don't want you to start bringing in your negativity." He exhales. 

"My negativity?" I raise my brows, laughing humorlessly. 

"Please, just come to Seattle with me next Sunday. I promise it'll be fun and my family's fun, they don't mean any harm by wanting you to come up and visit--they're already talking about planning a trip when it's born to be here for you and me both for a few days." He adds. 

I think about it, seeing his eyes glint a little as he slowly smiles at me like a hopeful puppy. 

"Okay." I relent and he puts his hands above his head, folding them together, letting out a loud, "Hallelujah!" and I roll my eyes, trying to hold back a chuckle. 

The truth is, I don't want to leave Nikki stewing that long after revealing to him my miscarriages. He never came back when he left the therapy session yesterday, and I was supposed to go back today but decided I needed another day to just think about everything, but because of Amber's schedule, we won't be able to get back in the same room together--aside from me just visiting him--until next Wednesday...but with Duff wanting to leave Sunday and come back that Saturday, I won't be able to meet then, either. A part of me isn't even sorry that I won't make it since the morale of Nikki's story is that he married a maestro of manipulation that can play victim like no other but is really an evil bitch who loves to make people suffer. 

I gathered that after reading: 

"I married a fucking demon."

"Vivian climbed from hell just to neuter me." 

"My wife's a fucking lunatic." 

"I sometimes think Vivian's waiting for me to die so she can get the money." 

"I hate her." 

"I don't know what's killing me faster: my looney wife, or smack. Doesn't matter--they're both my drug of choice." 

"If she didn't know how to fuck I would've already left her." 

"She flushed every bit of what Jason dropped off last night. Cost me a couple grand. I'm so pissed, if I knew she wouldn't beat the shit out of me and go batshit-ballistic, I'd lay her out on the fucking floor. I'm sure it'd be like foreplay in her sick mind, anyway." 

"I swear she cums every time she belittles me." 

And, my personal favorite: 

"Just woke up from a fucking nightmare. I was fucking around with Vivian and Vanity and once they got their satisfaction they started eating me alive while talking about their love for God. Even with them gnawing on me alive with their shark-like teeth and their completely black eyes, stripping flesh from my bone and going at it like a fucking pork chop, I was turned on. But as soon as they started about God, how good and wonderful he was, that's when I started panicking a little that I OD'd without realizing it and was in hell or some fucking incarnation of it. I see now that's how they both got me, being hot and knowing exactly what to do to get me going. And now they're both sucking the life out of me, eating me alive, while praying to their God and acting like they're blameless in my destruction. CHICKS = TROUBLE." 

At least we both agree that we married demons.

It was strange for me to realize how he saw me--well, how Sikki saw me. Once I was able to differentiate between the two of them, it hurt less reading what he'd write about me. It was just confusing. 

One page would be an entire rant (with unflattering, random song lyrics to match) about something I did that pissed him off--sometimes things I wouldn't even realize I did to make him upset and then the next page would be decently positive things about me that he'd profess after waking up sort of sober…

I knew he felt guilty about how he treated me, most of the entries from the end of '83 to '87 had "I'm an asshole" or "I really fucked up" or some version of it in them but the deeper into '87 he got, the less and less apologetic he got. Both in real time and his dairies. 

Despite the black and white of his diaries, one thing still lingered in the grey area…

I stare at the little TV on my dresser, bowl of captain crunch in hand as I stuff my face while flipping channels, Whisky gnawing on his chew toy as a flickering, fuzzy and static blaring familiar face flashes across the screen as I turn to the next channel. My heart stops for a moment, my finger immediately going back, the screen and audio clearing as I see her. 

Clear eyed and competent. A far removal from what I last saw of her with her gnashing teeth and tortured eyes, spewing at Nikki and I both before he and her got into a fight that left her dragged down the stairs of our old house...guilt tugs at me, remembering the look on her face, the pain, the hurt...perhaps she felt as bad as I did about the situation. 

He was the one telling her he was going to leave me and marry her, after all. My feury swallowed him before it ever thought about swallowing her. 

"...I'm currently looking at other scripts for other films." She replies very calm and composed to whatever question her interviewer was asking...I'm assuming this is part of her press run for her new movie coming out. 

"If you could write a ticket for yourself, Vanity, what would it be?" The woman asks next and she furrows her brows, slightly. 

"Write a ticket? To go somewhere?" 

"No, write a ticket for the rest of your life, and your career. Just everything about your life." She explains. 

"Ohhh," She thinks a moment before shaking her head slightly. "I wouldn't want to do that, actually, because, um, everytime I turn around something new's happening. I'm a very spontaneous person. I just like to get up and go, and I've been doing that since I was fifteen...so, um, I couldn't say I'd like to write that ticket." She chuckles a little, but not the crack-cackle I was used to seeing in her past interviews. 

She's actually sober here. 

"I just wanna go wherever life takes me." She continues. 

"What you're saying then, is, you couldn't write a ticket because what you would write wouldn't be as good as what could happen?" 

"No, I don't--"

"--No?"

"No, I don't think that, I'm not saying that at all. I feel that I have certain goals in my life. Very big, big, dreams that I set for myself. But I wouldn't wanna, um, question God's way about where he's going with me." She states. "That's just...not me." 

"If you could go back and change anything--"

"--Nothing." Vanity says, biting her lip nervously, shaking her head. 

"Any of the decisions?"

"Nothing." 

"Wouldn't change a thing?" 

"Nothing." She buckles down on it and I feel my eyes gloss over. "Wouldn't change a thing…" she trails off, thinking for a second. "...Can't say that I would." She adds, softly. "Because each time that I've done something, whether it be a mistake in my life, it's always...what you might call a mistake in my life is never a mistake to me. It was a definite meant to be and it was a definite learning process. So all the pain and all the glory...I wouldn't change a thing."

She's so unapologetically sincere. 

I cut the TV off as they start closing out the interview, and toss the remote across the room, losing my appetite and putting my bowl on my nightstand before I allow myself to replay what she just said. 

And I cry, not because she was in a relationship with him, not because she tried to steal him from me...I cry because I regret everything. I regret marrying Nikki. I regret meeting Duff. I regret getting pegnant. 

I'm not angry at her.

I envy her.

[gravedangerahead]

Vent post, I don't even know what to tag this for content warnings. I just can't stand doctors anymore I can't do this I hate this

First there's no more digital appointments because apparently the pandemic is over and I'm the only one who didn't notice, so I had to go all the way there to see that asshole in person and stay in a waiting room with a bunch of people

The psychiatrists available through my health insurance keep changing and there are less and less of them, so I went to a neurologist, and he said he only prescribes adhd meds to children because adults understand they have to control themselves and slow down their minds. He recommended meditation and when I said I already do meditate there was no part 2 to his brilliant plan to just fix my mind myself.

He did end up giving me a prescription for my adhd meds just this once, I was actually surprised, but not not the antidepressants, so I'm gonna try to see a psychiatrist again.

I once had a psychologist tell me to "just focus" before I got my diagnosis. I could have killed her. That's brilliant, why didn't I think of that. I do know I should focus, and I also knew I shouldn't have suicidal thoughts and for some reason just knowing that didn't make me better. The meds helped. The adhd meds helped me focus, and the antidepressants helped stop constantly wishing I was dead.

I know that medication shouldn't be the be all end all, and that you have to put in the work and develop healthy coping mechanisms and all that. And I do my best to do all that and no doctor has helped me with that AT ALL. At most I got some vague suggestions that I meditate with not even any recommendations on how to start and maybe got told to exercise.

I did all the research for techniques to help by myself, listening to other people who deal with the same things, even though I worry a lot about getting misinformation, but it's not like there's anyone else to help me.

I think I should probably go to therapy again and that could he helpful, but therapist I went to for the longest, mentioned above, pretended to respect my sexual orientation only to start trying to cure my asexuality months later (well, she was probably doing it the whole time, but I was an idiot and I trusted her), she didn't "believe in diagnosis" or labels in general I guess. After I was diagnosed and started taking my meds she wanted to help me so I "wouldn't need them anymore, and could stop taking them" even though she had a fucking year to treat me before I started taking them and her best attempt to help me was to tell me to just "go there and focus".

After that, whenever I try to start therapy again on the very first appointment they ask me about my romantic life, and when I say I'm not dating anyone they tell me "that's important" so I just panic and don't show up again.

I actually think I improved a lot recently, and it definitely started with the meds, but I also got fired, and that sucked, but I think not working there anymore helped a lot. But I have much less work now and that's not sustainable, I'm not getting enough money and my parents are wasting their money on a 25 year old when they don't even have their retirement all set

I'm gonna move to a different state soon,but I don't know exactly when because there's a bunch bureaucratic bullshit to figure out, so I don't know when I need to get an appointment there instead of here, when I should be setting them up well in advance because it's been hard, and how I'll even get a doctor there since my insurance is for my state only

I can't even complain to anyone about it because the doctors' opinions will just confirm the idea that yes I shouldn't psychiatric meds, I should just live healthier and yes my asexuality is a problem that should be treated because there's something wrong with me, and I'm so tired, I'm so angry

Just give me my prescription and I'll figure myself out. No, I don't particularly wish psychiatrists would actually pay attention and ask questions and try to research things to help me any more, just give my prescription and let me go. Just don't make me prove that I actually have ADHD and that I'm not just trying to score meds every time I have to get a new psychiatrist AGAIN

[sunnyie-eve]

21 | *Tag you're it*

Series: Terror (Simon Kalivoda x OFC Fraser!)

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: language, mention of death,

A/N: All the chapters before 17 are the original ending I wanted to go with…But Hopefully, you will like the happy ending I wanted to write for fun.

"She wasn't stabbed in the fucking abdomen then was she?! NO! She is now!"

We all start to get supplies that could be useful for the plan to go 100% as planned. "I just want to say... If I end up dying tonight, I'll come back to haunt you." I give Deena a small smile. "I can promise this time I won't let anyone be bait. Liz, I'm sorry I didn't wanna listen to your idea. It's Sam," I cut her off. "I hate that you weren't thinking about anyone else besides Sam. You can't do that when you have four other people, who you are okay with being at risk of dying. As I said already, we didn't have to agree to the plan but did because we are good friends. You weren't... you didn't think of alternative ideas that didn't put us at risk." I get serious with her. She looks at the ground, "I'm still going to try to save you but like I said, if I died, expect my ghost." I make her laugh as I walk away from her.

"No one is going to die tonight." Ziggy puts her hand on my shoulder. "Someone is and that's going to be Nick Goode," I tell her in a serious tone and she nods her head as we wait for everyone to join us. "You know, Ziggy. Two people actually believed you about how your sister died. My dad said he and my uncle knew you and believed your story. My dad also knew what type of person Tommy was because of his other brother that was friends with him. He told me he never thought Tommy would just snap like that. He knew there was a reason behind it. Hell, he also knew Mrs. Lane and believed her. He's always believed in the curse." I let her know. "What's your last name?" She asks me. "Fraser," I tell her. "I remember the brothers, yes. Helped me get in trouble in school a lot." She gives a small smile. "It's nice to know at least three people believe me." She sighs. "I'm sure Nick believed you for sure," I growled.

"Hey, tomorrow or in a few days do you want to go see Mrs. Lane with me? I'm sure she would like to see you again. You know since how close you two were?" I ask her. "That sounds nice." She nods her head. "Yeah, seeing how many alarm clocks you have... I think you should get out of your house more." I joke with her and she shoves me playfully as Simon and Kate join us. "Are you willing to risk yourself again if a killer is after us?" Simon wraps his arms around me. "No one is bait this time so hopefully I won't have to. But if one is then of course I will risk my life again." I tilt my head back to kiss him. "I'm going to kill myself." Kate jokes as Deena and Josh come up.

"Everyone says Shadyside sucks because it's full of shitty people, that bad things happen here because we're bad, that we deserve what we have coming. That's how it was for Sarah, and that's how it's been for us. But it's all bullshit. Okay, just because we're weird and smart and different doesn't mean they can feed us through their meat grinder. Not anymore. It's been three centuries. No one else has gotten this far. It stops here... tonight. It stops with us. We're gonna kill this motherfucker. For Sarah. For Cindy. For all of us. For Shadyside. Now let's do this." Deena says her speech before we set everything up.

Once everything was set up we heard the bells, telling us someone was here. Kate, Simon, and I get in our spot. We notice the police find Denna with Josh. and another finds Ziggy with Martin. When he starts to shout we see the cop was killed so we run to our gates. Kate went over to Josh and Simon ran with me. "Be careful!" Ziggy shouts at me as I run past her, so I put a thumbs up in the air. As I wait holding the rope I try to breathe calmly. "Are you serious?" I whisper to myself seeing we got Nightwing. I waited till he was far into the bookstore before pulling the rope. Just my luck the gate doesn't go down all the way. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." Simon and I jump up trying to force it down. Once it was all the way down Simon grabbed my hand and we ran to the others.

"Who did you get?" Ziggy asks as we meet up with her. "Nightwing. You?" I ask. "Nightwing." She answers. "How many is that?" We hear Deena ask. "I got one, Martin got the Milkman," Josh tells her. "Four. We have four." Ziggy says as we walk up to the group. "Skull Mask, Nightwing." She adds. "No Ruby?" Kate asks. "I don't know. We need to keep an eye on," Martin cuts Josh off. "Y-y-yo! Why'd it get so quiet?" He was right as we listened to hear nothing. "It's him." Ziggy sighs. "You don't have to do this," Deena tells her. "Yes, she does," I tell Deena and Ziggy goes over the counter to her spot. "Mount up," Deena tells us and we jump over to go back to our gates. "We'll be okay this time." Simon kisses me, grabbing the rope with me. When I hear the cue of the bucket I pull the rope opening the gate. Then rush to the others carefully out of the way.

"Deena! Get them away from me! If I die! She dies!" I see Nick holding Ziggy as she screams. Skull mask stabs Nick in the back making him let go of her only for Milkman to grab her. "Your blood is on her! It's on Ziggy." Nick shouts. "Deena do something!" I shout rushing over to help only to get stabbed in the abdomen. "LIZZY!" Simon yells as I fall back putting pressure on the wound as the Milkman gets Ziggy to the floor. "Fuck." He bends down next to me as Deena picks up a knife cutting her hand making the killers pay attention to her. I see Nick get up making a run for it, "Help the others." I push through the pain running after him before Deena. "Nick!" I shout trying to see in the dark. "Sorry." He pops out hitting me in the face before pushing me in a hole and get in closing it behind him.

(A/N: POV changes a lot here)

///

"Elizabeth!" Simon yells as she runs ahead of Deena to get Nick. "We have to do this to help them. Come on, she'll be okay," Kate runs over grabbing his arm pulling to the store. "It's my shirt, it's covered in her blood." Ziggy throws her sweater out at the killers then they all pull down the gate. "Go! We'll handle them!" Josh yells at Deena to go so she does. "Liz was stabbed and still ran after Goode. I'm fucking worried about her!" Simon paces around. "She's strong, she'll be fine. She risked her life for us in the past." Kate tells him again. "She wasn't stabbed in the fucking abdomen then was she?! NO! She is now!" He panics. "Simon, the best thing we can do for her and Deena is to keep these killers busy." Kate grabs him so he'll stop pacing around.

///

He pulls me up by my hair as we both groan in pain from a stab wound. "You'll help me." He whispers punching me we're I got stabbed then covers my mouth dragging me with him. "Goode!" Deena shouts. "Go." He whispers, shoving me to go crawl up a rock then he follows. "Why my sister?" I kept quiet because if he wanted to he could kill me plus I was getting weak as I bleed out. "You told me you don't care about her so I did you a favor. She almost killed your friends along with Deena." He grabs me by my hair again. "You almost killed my friends." I cry as he hurts my wound again. "Keep walking or I'll kill Deena myself." I struggle to walk ahead of him. "Nick!" Deena yells getting closer making him panic. Goode turns off his light, putting his hand over my mouth walking us to hide. "Nick!" Deena yells again.

///

"Okay, we need a plan B, like now," Martin says, watching the killers. "No... We just need more plan A." Josh tells them. "Which is what?" Kate asks him. "Make them try to kill each other. We grab the guns with Deena's blood then let them at each other." He tells them. "Pretty fucking smart idea," Ziggy says before all five of them lift the gate so Ziggy and Martin could go grab a gun and spray. The other three watch from behind the glass then the adults close the gate joining them to watch. "I got that creepy perv motherfucker in the bullseye." Martin joins them. "This is gonna work, right?" He asks as the Milkman walks towards them. Just like that, the Grifter picks up the Milkman throwing in. Nightwing then ax's the Grifter's leg then him over and over. Soon Skull Mask joins the whole attack. "Holy fucking shit." Simon watches them. "Guys? We lost Sam." Josh points out as he sees her run where the other two went.

When all the killers were dead they raised the gate again, "We don't have a lot of time. We have to get ready to fight." Josh tells the group. "Wait! What the hell is that?" Ziggy stops him as they all see Billy Barker then hear Ruby singing. "Fuck." Simon sighs. "Okay, okay, you know what? At least we still have magic blood." Martin tries but was out so Ziggy does the same. "No, no, no! We can find other weapons! We can use the delivery hallway, outflank them. We-," Martin cut Josh off. "Or... we can wait it out." He suggests. "No. We're too close! Too many people have died, I'm not letting them take my sister too! We have to protect her. Please." Josh goes to pick up Nightwing's ax.

///

"Nick!" Deena yells again. "Deena!" I yell to tell her where we are getting backhand. I fell to the ground because I was light-headed putting my hand on my wound. "Solomon forged this place with nothing but words and stone! Awakening this power from the depths of the Earth. He extended his hand to the darkness for my family, for me! 300 years it's lived, grown. We've cultivated it. We've sacrificed for it! And you think you can stop it?" Nick tells her keeping away. Out of nowhere, I hear Sam attacking Deena making me crawl to the sound. "Deena! You okay?" I squint my eyes and see her in the distance. "Yeah." She coughs. "Looking for this?" I hear Nick tell her.

[topherfoxtrot]

Resilience

Here's the third part of my thunderbolts au. Emil Blonsky scaped his long imprisonment but he didn't went after the Hulk. Where did he go? The answer is bellow the cut. There's an original character here too. I'm not kin of OCs but I didn't find any character who would fit the role I wanted. Said oc will only be a part of this episode so consider it a special guest appearance. I've realized I've been writing more and more with each installment. Sorry about that, I'm getting more comfortable with the whole precess and I like to challenge myself. Continuing the trend, this chapter has a widely different vibe from the previous ones. As usual if you enjoyed please like, share or comment something.

Episode one

Episode two

Emil woke up from a nightmare. It was a fight. From as long as he could remember all Emil did was fight. Now even when he's not awake he's still fighting. He sat on the bed breathing heavily. Wait, where am I? He thought.

"You must be confused." A female voice was heard nearby.

Emil looked around looking for it. The cabin was small. The bedroom, the living room and the kitchen were all occupying the same space. There were two doors, one of them was probably for the bathroom. The woman was sitting at the kitchen table. She dressed a knitted sweater and rabbit slippers.

"My name is Charlie Reznik." She pointed at the soup, "Are you hungry?"

"Where am I?"

"Alaska. Three hours driving from Barrow."

Emil sat on the bed. He was naked. He covered himself with the blankets not for modesty but because they were warm.

"You weren't using any clothes when I found you and you don't seem like the kind of person who would wear my clothes. I hope the blankets kept you warm."

"Found me?"

"Yeah. You were screaming a lot. And throwing trees around." Charlie chuckled, "Eventually you got tired and just fell asleep right where you were. I was thinking about calling the police or something but when you started to shrink I decided to bring you here."

Suddenly Emil looked at himself realizing he did indeed shrink. He didn't look like that anymore. Still, the bones in his hands and abdomen were more prominent than they should be. He took his hands to his back to feel his spine was also prominent. That made him think of the super soldier serum, of the Hulk and of the prison he just scaped.

"I need to contact someone." Emil got up only to fall on the ground.

"Are you okay?" Charlie approached him with caution.

"I think I'll have the soap first actually." Emil muttered realizing how weak his body was.

***

The soup made with vegetables reminded Emil of his childhood in Russia. He had almost no recollection of those few years before he moved to England. He mostly remembered the cold and his mother's soap.

"I need to ask you but.. it's gonna sound weird." Emil was at the table tangled with the blankets, "What year is this?"

Charlie looked him in the eyes to decide if he was being serious or not. Emil didn't flinch so nor did Charlie, "It's 2023."

Emil pressed his lips and started to breath heavily. He was sleeping this whole time. They kept him asleep without ever giving him a chance to explain himself. No consent and no agency.

"No one has heard anything about you since 2008 Mr Blonsky and now you show up in the middle of the forest not knowing the year?" Charlie seemed genuinely curious.

"You know me?"

"I didn't recognize you at first. There isn't much footage from big you. But the sketch from witnesses matched pretty well. They call you the Abomination."

"Abomination?" Emil suddenly smashed the wooden table with enough strength to crack it. Charlie quickly moved her left hard to somewhere under the table. They locked eyes. For the first time Charlie didn't seem warm and inviting but rather fierce and absolutely ready to react. Emil closed his eyes a bit before recomposing himself.

"I'm sorry."

"I also think the name is impolite." Charlie brought her hand back, "But no one knew anything about you except you were military assigned to find Bruce Banner. I had to make some phone calls and turns out my guess was right! You are indeed in the accords database. Quite high level threat.

"What accords?"

"Alright." Charlie put her hair behind her ears, "I need you to be honest with me Mr Blonsky. What's the last thing you remember?"

So he said. He fought the hulk on Harlem, fell unconscious and woke up in Alaska. Charlie brought a computer from a big bag under the bed and put it on the table in a way that both of them could see it.

"The world changed a lot since 2008 Mr Blonsky. Put on your seatbelts."

Charlie then gave him a contemporary history class the best way she could while showing videos and pictures whenever she felt necessary. She talked about the avengers assembling in 2012 to stop an alien invasion caused by a norse god. She talked about the genocidal robot destroying a whole country in 2015. She talked about Wanda Maximoff killing those people back in 2016. She talked about the Sokovia accords and how that made the avengers disassemble. She talked about Wakanda opening up to the rest of the world. She talked about the avengers coming together again to fight yet another alien invasion. She talked about the snap and the chaotic years that followed. She talked about the blip and the even more chaotic year that followed it. Emil listened to everything in silence. It was a lot but he was smart.

"They put me to sleep for fifteen years." He whispered.

"I'm so sorry about that. It's unfair."

Emil had finished his soup but he stayed exactly where he was. Thinking about everything.

"I became strong. I became as strong as I could and still... they defeated me with bed time."

"You're being unfair."

"How come?"

"I don't think strength is really what you think it is."

"How would you know?"

Emil looked at Charlie's small stature with unconscious disdain. She picked on that and wore her fierce eyes again.

"With all due the respect Mr Blonsky..." It was possibly to hear the rage under her words, "You have no idea how strong I am. Thanos snapped my whole family! I wasn't even at home when it happened. Do you have any idea how much strength I needed to gather to simply get up every morning? I may not have big muscles like you -in fact no one does Mr Blonsky - but guess what? You could not have went through what I did. I'm sure of it!"

Emil got up aggressively and so did Charlie.

"You're really pulling the trauma card?"

"Wanna compete?"

"I think I do." He showed his teeth.

Charlie walked across the cabin stepping heavely. She sat on the bed. "Enlighten me."

The challenge got Emil off guard. He hesitated.

"I don't need to tell you anything."

"Of course you don't. If you tell me how traumatized you are, I'll tell you how traumatized I am. Then you will have to admit that none of it gives you permission to do the shitty things you did!"

The cabin merged in silence. Outside there was nothing but the cold wind running through the trees.

"I know your type." Charlie continued, a little calmer now, "Though childhood huh? No perspective of a future so you joined the military. Felt good to explode some heads didn't it? It felt powerful."

Emil remained in silence. He still looked mad, but remained in silence. Charlie went to the kitchen and grabbed a photograph from one of the drawers. She gave it to Emil.

"You're military." Emil studied the photo of Charlie and other soldiers smiling inside a tent.

"Used to be. Came back in 2019. The welcoming party wasn't exactly a party as you can imagine. My house was empty. As I said both my parents and my little brother got snapped. That's when I found this cabin."

"It's not yours?"

"Nah. I don't know who it belongs to actually. It was a cold night and I was just driving aimless. I don't know why exactly. Everything just seemed so meaningless back then. I felt weak."

Emil put the photograph on the table and they both locked eyes again. Not with anger this time though.

"It's cold but it's isolated enough. I could cry and scream as much as I wanted without anyone knowing. And did I need to scream! Scream at Thanos, scream at my parents, scream at myself. A part of me wish it could've been me, y'know? Trust me I would give my life for theirs in the blink of an eye! Yet, here I was."

Charlie sat at the table again. The temperature of the cabin went from 20°C to 40°C and then to 20°C again. Emil felt sorry about the table but most importantly he felt sorry for making Charlie mad.

"There's no much to say." He started, "Though childhood. No perspective. Joined the military. After everything I've seen, being strong is honestly the only option. It's survival."

"I get it. I really do. But strength is not on your muscles."

"Don't come with this heartfelt bullshit."

"It's not." Charlie chuckled, "Trust me I won't fall for that bullshit either. It's something else."

She got up and grabbed an old book from the shelf near the bed.

"All those things were already here when I got here for the first time. There was water, gas, energy, the bed, the blankets. It's like whoever lived here had just left. I've known this place for couple more than three years now. No one is ever here except me, yet the feeling never goes away."

The old book was covered with leather.

"Self help book?" Emil asked.

"In a way." Charlie tilted her head, "This book is about the universe. But not like a scientific encyclopedia. This book is about the whole universe, about the energy that comes from different parts of the multiverse and how to harvest and manipulate them. Essencially, magic!"

"Alright it's a self help book. Magic is not real."

"I was honestly hoping you would say that." Charlie smiled, "Check this out!"

Charlie put her hands in front of her and took a deep breath in order to focus. She moved her hands vertically and a orange string appeared from thin air. Charlie's hands drew a circle in the air and the string curved itself in a circumference. Charlie closed her hands as if grabbing something and with another gesture polygonal forms started to draw themselves in the magic circle. Charlie snapped her fingers with both hands and the whole thing started to spin like a magical ferris wheel.

"You discovered magic!" Emil whispered.

"Of course I didn't! People have been studying that for a long time. I just happened to find a weird book." The magical strings disappeared as Charlie stopped focusing so much on them, "You know when you are depressed so you set a simple goal just to give yourself a little achievement?"

"No, actually. But that's seems like solid advice."

"It is!" Charlie chuckled, "Anyways I read this whole book in like two days and I didn't understand shit. But I was super interested and started to dig the internet and beyond for anything related to all the weird concepts I found. I read the book more two of three times after that. Each time I learned something different and gained a new perspective over myself and the universe around me."

"So it is a self help book!" Emil laughed.

"As I said, it is but in a weird way. I mean look around. There's aliens and gods and the multiverse. When you think of all of it don't your problems seem way smaller?"

"I'm not sure."

"Here's how it's gonna be. I go to Barrow buy you some clothes and you think about everything I just said." She grabbed a jacket and wore boots, "But you have to pay me back alright? Otherwise I'm gonna hunt you and I'll find you. Remember: I know magic!"

"Okay, that's fair!"

Charlie grabbed a ring with slot for two fingers in a kitchen drawer. "That was one of the things I found here. Magic becomes weirdly intuitive once you learn some basics."

She made that focused face again and started to draw circles in the air with her right hand. The air in the middle of the cabin heated up and started to sparkle. An orange circle (much like the one she conjured with the hand gestures) appeared but in the middle of it was possible to see an alley.

"What is this?" Emil was shocked.

"Fast travel!" Charlie winked before passing through. The portal was gone as soon as she was gone and Emil found himself alone in the cabin.

***

There was a small mirror in the bathroom. Alone, he could check his own body for the first time. His face looked pretty much the same, he hadn't aged one day in the past fifteen years. Besides his hands and shoulders and spine, his elbows were also abnormally prominent. Was he the Abomination after all?

The power felt good, he remembered. Felt god-like. But the cost was too high. Emil became too dangerous and lost control over his own life for more than a decade. He wanted to blame Ross and Banner but would it be even fair? Emil was the one who accepted to take the serum in the first place. He actually pointed a gun at that scientist. He begged to become as strong as the Hulk is.

Emil left the house still covered in blankets. The cold snow made his feet burn but no enough to bother him. He was strong after all. Or maybe he enjoyed the pain in a sick way of reinforcing his own superiority belief. An orange portal opened nearby after a while.

"Aren't you feeling cold?" Charlie asked coming with a bag of clothes.

"A little."

"Come. See if any of those fit you. They're from the local thrift shop by the way."

"I've wore worse."

Charlie bought a simple jeans, two shirts, a flannel and boots. Really simple stuff just to protect Emil from the cold. It fit well.

"Thank you." He said.

"You're in debt, Mr Blonsky. Don't you forget that."

"You know magic." He chuckled, "I can't allow myself to have you as an enemy Ms Reznik."

They both laughed. Charlie sat at the table and started to type something on the computer.

"The feds are all over town." Charlie commented, "They're looking for you."

"Listen," he said, "I need to ask you a favor but first can I go for a walk?

***

Emil took a deep breath before jumping as high as he could. He could not see above the tall trees so he jumped again but grabbed one of the trees this time. Even with his bare hards, the wood bowed to his will. He kept climbing until he got to the highest part of the tree. From up there he could see the whole forest, including the trees he threw around the day before.

He jumped to the ground again. The snow splattered around him. His hands and knees started to bleed but he didn't care because he would break soon enough. He felt powerful and smiled without realizing it. Not a happy smile, bur rather a challenging one. Hey jumped a little before running in the direction of the destruction he caused. He started slow (more like jogging actually) but quickly escalated to marathon running and super human running. The cold wind cut his face like knifes but he didn't care. He just kept going faster.

When he finally reached the glade he jumped again. Even higher this time. When he landed his feet felt bigger. Breathing heavily he looked at his own hands and realized they were indeed getting bigger and muscled. Without wasting any breath he took off all his clothes and started running again. The cold started to bother him less and less as his body grew in size.

He started to scream so he could liberate his anger. He jumped high and landed with his fists causing the ground to crack bellow him. Emil grabbed a fallen tree and threw it to the air. He picked big boulders and threw them around at will. In the middle of the chaos he also started laughing. He was strong. He could destroy anything he wanted. He was as strong as he could be.

When Emil finally felt satisfied with his own display of power, he grabbed the trees and rearranged them back into the ground as best as he could. He picked the boulders and put them back where they were. So when the glade resembled the glade it once was, Emil sat on the ground next to his new clothes.

He started to think about everything Charlie said. Yes, he was big and could destroy everything is his way. But there were gods and aliens and robots and uncontable planets and entities across the universe. He was big and strong but he was also small and weak.

His strength though wasn't on his muscles but on his ability to survive. He survived his childhood, he survived the military and he survived the Hulk. Just like Charlie survived the snap and the aftermath. Like Charlie found new meaning in magic so could Emil find new paths to follow.

"I'm big and I'm small. I'm strong and I'm weak. I'm still here." Emil whispered to himself.

His body started to shrink calmly. Once he achieved regular size he wore his clothes and walked towards the cabin. Charlie smiled when he entered.

"Had fun?" She heard the screams obviously.

"Yeah actually. Thanks for everything."

"No problem. Remember, you're still in debt! So what favor do you need?"

"I need a portal but I also need an address. I believe you can find the person I'm looking for in the Sokovia accords database."

"Hm alright. What's the name?"

"Ava Starr."

[dayawantstosleep]

Love & Zombies Nov 4, 2020

Summary: All I wanted to do was survive, not get involved in a love triangle with Changbin and Chris. Things spiral out of control from there.

Genre: Dystopian, Apocalyptic

Word Count: 2,834

Warning(s): Swear words, implied cheating, jealous 3RACHA

I ran a hand through my hair for the billionth time and shut my eyes tightly. The bed seemed too big for me now that Han is not here anymore.

A quiet sniffle came out of me and I wiped my tears with my hand covered in my sleeve. I turn around to bury myself in my pillow and sobs wracked my body.

"He's still here with us." Changbin's hoarse voice said next to me. I must have woken him up with my crying.

"I should've been bitten instead of him." I said, sitting up. I hug my knees and bury my head on my arms.

"It's not your fault. He wouldn't want you to be like this." I snort softly. Han gone must have taken a toll on Changbin if he was comforting me.

"I just miss him. He's my buddy and I let him down. I was supposed to have his back, but I didn't. Now he's one of them."

"Just go to sleep, Aria." He said exasperated. I sighed and laid down on the bed again, the jackass I know making an appearance.

"Goodnight, Changbin." He hummed and I took that as a goodnight before closing my eyes.

It was past midnight when I woke up to go to the restroom. Chan words echoed in my mind.

We have a buddy system. If you want to leave at night tell your buddy. Things will be bad if you don't.

"My buddy was turned, Chan. Turned into a monster." I said rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

I sighed deeply and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked pitiful. Dark half circles perched under my eyes and my skin looked paler than usual.

I unlocked the door and turned the lights off, heading to my room. I stopped in front of the door and sighed again.

I slipped inside my room and walked towards Changbin's sleeping figure on the far end of the room. I took a deep breath and prepared myself mentally.

"Changbin." I whispered, but the sleeping boy didn't even move. I sighed and reached for his shoulder.

His eyes shot open and he grabbed my waist, slamming it into his mattress, knees on either side of me. I let out a yelp as he glared at me menacingly.

"Can you get off me, Changbin?" His eyes soften slightly as he rolled off of me. I sat up and I heard him grunt.

"What were you thinking?"

"That I could wake you up. I need to show you something."

"Why?" I rolled my eyes and sighed. Why did I think this would be easy? When it comes to Changbin, things are never easy.

"You're my new buddy." Was all I said before leaving out the door. I heard footsteps behind me and I ventured further into base.

"Where are we going?" He asked. I didn't answer until I stopped outside.

"Don't freak out, ok?" I asked as I walked towards a ladder on one side if the building.

"What do you mean?" He asked, following me up the ladder. I walked towards the coffee table in the middle of the roof and clicked a small switch.

The coffee table parted and a large thin glass tube appeared out of the floor. Inside, a beast stared back at us; its eyes were a dull brown and the skin was grey and decaying.

"What the hell is this?" Changbin asked loudly.

"What do you think? This is him." Tears appeared on my eyes as I stared at the beast. The beast I used to call a best friend and confidant.

"How the fuck did you bring him here without none of us knowing?"

"Easy. Remember when we had Chris' party last week?" He looked at me as if I had two heads.

"No." I nodded.

"Yes. He was Chris' huge present. I feel super bad for lying, but I couldn't just leave him at the shopping mall. You know how much he means to me." I looked sadly at the beast before me.

"So, you've kept him here for a week?" I nodded again.

Han let out a gutteral sound and clawed at the glass. With one bite, my best friend had been reduced to a mindless being, with a knack of biting people.

"It's been really hard and Chris almost figured me out the other day. I need you to keep the secret." I turned to him.

"What?"

"I know you don't like me, but you're my roomate. We need to have each others backs, Changbin."

"What we need to do is kill that thing."

"No. He's my best friend. Han is gone and I know its selfish of me to keep him here in this state. But if there's any way to save him, I'll take it."

"This is for our survival, Aria." I suddenly felt consumed with rage. He was closer to Han than any of us, and he wants to kill him just like that?

"What do you know of survival?" I ask. He tightened his jaw and frowned.

"I lost Han already. I don't want to lose you too."

"Excuse me?"

"You're excused. I'm killing that thing." He walked closer to Han and took out a knife from his jeans.

"You can't kill him. He's-"

"He's what, huh? He's not just your friend. You love him. I've seen the way you look at him." His voice was growing louder.

Love him? Have I really loved Han all along and not notice? No, Changbin is just misinterpreting things.

"No. I don't look at him in any way." He sneered.

"What would Chan think?" My blood ran cold. What would he think if he knew I had Han locked up in here?

"He would want to save Han."

"So, what? You can dump him for Han?" What the hell is he on about?

"No. Listen, I-"

"No. You listen. You think I like it that Chan is with you? Or that Han used to talk about you every fucking second you weren't there? When you were with Chan."

"What's that gotta do with keeping Han a secret? You're mixing up your shit."

"No. You just don't want to talk about this now."

I walked closer to him and flipped a switch on the tube, making it slowly go down from where it came from. Changbin's frown deepened and he let out a tch.

"You're clueless." He crossed his arms and shook his head.

"Don't patronize me. Now, cut the bullshit and talk straight."

"What's the point? None of it matters now." His eyes turned sad and he turned around, walking away.

I stood there, watching his receeding figure until I walked into the base alone.

Changbin didn't speak to me the next day or the day after that. Whenever one of the guys asked about his behavior, he would either shrug and give one word answers or ignore them.

"What is up his ass?" I asked Chris after a week of Changbin being unresponsive. He shrugged and put an arm around me.

"I think having Han gone hit him hard." My breath hitched and Changbin's words resonated in my head.

What would Chan think?

I turned to Chris and saw Changbin sitting at the dining table, looking at something behind us. I'll confront him later, when I'm done with Chris.

"I have to tell you something." I said. He nodded and turned to me.

"What is it?" He looked concerned and I suddenly felt my stomach started hurting. I grabbed the arm that was on my shoulder and pulled it off of me.

"This is kind of hard to say but-"

"You're not breaking up with me, are you?" He let out a nervous laugh and I shook my head furiously.

"No. No of course not. I just...it's a bit more complicated than that."

"Complicated?" I took a deep breath and prepared myself mentally.

"Han's not dead." His eyes widen and his breath became ragged.

"What!?"

"He's a zombie. And he's on the roof."

"He's what?"

"I trapped him on the roof and I know this is wrong but we can save him. We just gotta wait a little longer."

"What a little longer? Aria, why didn't you tell us?"

"I didn't know how you'd react, Changbin said-"

"Changbin? You told him before me?" Please tell me this wasn't going to be a fight? Please, please, please.

"He's my roomate, Chris. I couldn't just not tell him."

"It's good that you told him, but you could have told me first."

"You're kidding, right? What does it matter who I told first? That's not even the damn point. The point is that I want to save Han." Out of the corner of my eye, the guys retreated to the kitchen.

"You want to what? I'm sorry, but he can't be saved." My heart broke then and there. My best friend can't be saved.

"Bullshit." I whispered softly.

"What?"

"Bullshit. He's one of us, he's always have been." He ran a hand through his hair, seemingly trying to formulate words.

"Where is he?"

After showing Chris and the rest of the guys the zombified Han, they freaked out. Half of them wanted to save him and the other half wanted to kill him. It was chaotic, until all of us went back inside.

"What is wrong with you?" I asked Changbin as soon as I walked into our room. He was laying on his bed with earbuds on.

I walked closer to him and yank the earbuds off, making him curse. He glared at me and sat up.

"What do you want?" He barked out.

"What did you mean back there?" He let out a tch and looked away from me.

"Changbin." I growled. I sat next to him and he turned away from me again.

"Why have you been so mean to me? You never liked me and it bugs me so much."

"You really wanna know?" He inched closer to me, we were centimeters apart.

"Yes. I want to fucking know." I growled. His lips slammed into mine roughly and pulled away.

"What the hell?" He didn't answer me just unbuttoned his jeans and took them off.

"You think that just because you kissed me everything is fine?" I was beyond pissed. All this time he was jealous of Chris and Han. That's bullshit.

He inched closer to me and kissed me roughly again. He pulled away and smirked his usual 'you're beneath me' smirk.

"Shut up."

"Don't fucking tell me what to do."

"What are you gonna do about it?" There he is again, feeling superior. Well, I've had it.

I raised an arm and slapped him. He just stared at me, I didn't wipe that smirk off of his face.

"That's hot." He pulled me in again and I pushed him away.

"I'm with Chris, Changbin."

"That's not fair. You can't pull that shit on me. You can't let me kiss you and pull that shit on me." He glared at me expectantly.

"You can't just kiss me and expect me to come running to your arms. It doesn't work that way."

"So, you just expect me to throw my feeling away?" He was getting angrier.

"You can do whatever you fucking want." I growled. His lips crashed into mine but this time, I kissed him back.

I don't know why I did it. Maybe I wanted to release my pent up anger at him for being an inconsiderate asshole all this time. Or maybe at the very back of my mind, I knew I liked him back.

He pulled me closer to him and I laced my hands on his neck. The kiss became more heated, and his lips travelled down my neck.

I grabbed his shirt and pulled it off of him, glazing over his well toned abs. I suddenly remembered the first time I saw them, when I barely got to base.

I didn't think nothing of it because he was rude to me and I didn't like him at all. But now, I find myself oogling.

"Look at you, Bin." I barely registered that I called him by his nickname.

"Don't call me that." He growled, capturing my lower lip with his lips and bit me.

"I'll call you whatever the fuck I want." I growled, biting where his neck and shoulders meet.

He moaned out and I would be lying if I said that it wasn't sensual. He grabbed my hand and led me to his bed, getting on top of me.

The beast in front of me tried clawing it's way through the glass. The attempt was futile, Han stopped and just looked at me with soulless eyes.

"I don't know what I'm doing." I whispered. Last night flashed in my mind and then I sat down on the couch.

"This really wasn't supposed to happen, you know? We're in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. I didn't come here to sleep with anyone. I came here to survive."

Han just stared at me, dull brown eyes staring into my ones. I ran a hand through my hair and looked at the tube.

"You must be lonely in there, huh? I can't exactly let you out, but I can do this." I stood up and clicked a switch on the tube.

A small opening parted in front of his facex big enough for one hand only.

"Rawwwr!" He snarled and reached his hand out towards me through the window. I sighed deeply, taking out my dagger from the inside of my jeans.

Changbin is right. I can't save him even if I try. He's my best friend and I'll always love him. But, having him here is a huge risk.

"I'm sorry, Jisung." I raised my dagger and sung it. I winced, blood coming out of my hand.

"Fuck it. I can't." I looked at the sky and let out a yell. I looked at Han and then I heard the door to the base open.

"Aria?" I walked towards the edge of the roof and look down. Chris was looking at me as he climbed up the ladder.

"Yeah?"

"I heard someone shout so I came looking for you." He said as soon as he got to the top.

"I'm fine. Just talking to Han." I put my dagger behind my back but he quickly grabbed my hand.

"Aria what did you-?"I cut him off and yanked my hand back.

"I said I'm fine." He stopped and let his hand hang at his side. I sighed, feeling guilty for raising my voice at my boyfriend.

"Sorry. I'm just very on edge." I turn to the tube where Han is imprisoned and frowned.

It was now or never. I flipped a switch on the tube and the glass slowly started opening.

"What are you doing?" Chris asked next to me.

"What I should have done a long time ago." I take my dagger out and then Han pounced.

I heard Chris shout my name and the dagger went flying out of my hands. Han snarled and bared his teeth at me, trying to claw me.

I put an arm under his chin to try to stop him. He roared and I did the only thing I thought of. I grabbed his arm and bit into his grey skin.

His eyes rolled upward and he fell on top of me. I scooted away from him and felt Chris arms around me.

"That was risky." He said kissing my cheek.

"I needed to do something, he was gonna eat me." I turned to Han and gasped.

My best friend stood up and started walking towards me. His skin wasn't grey anymore, and his eyes were soulless either. They were brown.

"What happened?" I malfunctioned. He could form sentences. He was human again. What the hell?

I ran to him, arms extented and he extended his arms too. I slapped him as soon as he was within arms reach.

"Oww." He said, rubbing his cheek. I ignored him and pulled him in for a hug.

"Don't you fucking do that again." Tears pricked my eyes as I began sobbing.

"You were gonna get bit. I needed to do something." I let out a laugh.

He was still the same Han I knew. I pulled away and he grabbed my hands.

"I've been meaning to tell you something, but I just couldn't. And then when I got bit, I was gonna say it but...well, you know" I nodded and then he cupped the sides of my face and closed the gap between us.

My eyes widen and I pulled myself away from him. This is what he wanted to tell me? That like Changbin, he's been liking me all this time.

"I- Han...I'm sorry. I can't. I'm with Chris." He turned to Chris behind me and his face fell.

"Oh."

"Yeah. I um, have to go..." I clicked my tongue and pointed at the ladder before walking away.

[flufferanian]

#OKKOMovie I can't belive my life is fucking ruined cause of you guys!1!!!!! 😩 Killing Myself: A Thread Let me just say, the whole "shut the fuck up about the OK KO" is completely ironic... well, almost. As much as I want there to be new material for OK KO, I'd always figure I would've be able to prep myself up as a fanartist before working my way into the industry but I guess I'm not even good at that. One of the few opportunities I took the time out of my day to set up for myself, something I looked so excitedly for, something that gave me a brighter tommorow, is fucking GONE rn (if I don't kms as soon as this is posted then I'll be glad to come up with at least special of some sort to make up for it and rewrite a bit if needed) all these ideas about bringing change to the table really stuck in my head, I felt like I could get somewhere somewhere with them given than I had the artistic training and experience. But the hard truth is that reality doesn't fucking wait for you. If your one of the "r*tarded ones" then your only purpose on life is to continuously be fucked over if it ends up being an actual thing right now, I'm probably gonna kill myself as soon as news is posted about so I don't have to live in shame of broken promises. You might go ahead and ask "Can't you focus on your original content instead? 'Unsolicited pitches' are illegal you know"... But the thing is, even as a showrunner, ideas and concepts could go wrong or into development hell. I still want to push forward with these concepts even if they never make it to the final screen (if at all!). By envisioning myself genuinely TRYING to work with media I was the least bit with (or for fuck's sake, someone else's idea to put it bluntly), not only would that give me the chance to hone in social, team-working skills critical to life itself, this incredible vision made me felt like could actually live up to my therapist's wishes and actually prove once for all that I'm in fact, NOT a deranged sociopath that thirsts for the thrill of modern bloodshed. But rather an autistic adult filled with kindness, wonder, and the passion to make the world a better place through the art of visual media. One who desperately needs a full-blown support system and immense psychiatric help before it's too late. I cackle at the thought of all this fucked up shit. I don't laugh cause it's funny, I laugh cause I'm in pain. My mind let's out a giggle that cries, one that says "this can't be fucking real" while accepting the fact that it IS and there's nothing you can do to make it out, all because the privledged people around you don't give a fuck about your 'lazy ass'. I could bow down give these bitches manicures day and day out and they'd STILL go on about how everything is my fault and how I'm such a bad person, all cause I'm way too deathly afraid to follow through with that same-old classic bullshit they always throw back at me. Releasing the OK KO movie at a time like this wouldn't calm my nerves but rather, make me more relentless and self-aggrivated more than ever before. not because things didn't turn out the way I thought but because this wouldn't be just another cute movie anymore to me, it would serve as a painful reminder that no matter how far you reach for the stars, no matter what your end goals are there will always be something to shred your dreams to pieces. And if you don't craft that glue just right then you'll end up in a bigger mess than before. Sometimes, reality hits you so hard that you might actually never be able to get up again. If you can say "you can try again later" or "there's always tommorow", consider yourself privledged for not being forced to view this as a fact of life. Cause for some people, that's all they ever get. It's not that they're "lazy" they gave up, it's because the society they live in deliberately chose not to care. It isn't the dumb hashtag thats making me suicidal, you can have your fucking goddamn film if you want to (and trust me, it's well-deserved!) It's a build-up of sustained abuse that I continuously