#it’s well past 3 am rn
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Me: I need to do my precursory course work for university!
The brain eating amoeba:
#i am so sleep deprived#this is way too funny to me#gravity falls#fiddleford mcgucket#it’s well past 3 am rn#what is wrong with me
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“go on, praise me like a god!”
#mayor doidles#fanart#vocaloid#ghost and pals#pathological facade#kasane teto#digital art#painting#i am so texture-pilled rn all of my past few pieces have been nothing but noise and i wouldn’t have it any other way#anyway this one is sort of rough in terms of rendering#tho being honest the gnarliness of some of the shading did get smudged over by all the textures and filters lmao#i think i wanted to go for something less smooth cuz i like the look [and i want to overcome a habit of overrending]#but some elements like the fuckin glasses glare is kind of nonsense i made up#very much just a polishing of the sketch </3 ah well what can be done#hope you like it regardless!#art#artists on tumblr#illustration#vocal synth
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post ankle-twisting clarity
#i slipped in the mudddddd the other day LOL i twisted my one ankle and scraped up my other knee#so the past few days ive just been kind of needing to waddle around.....#LUCKILY its healing well and fast <3 but yknow i was like#so stressed out over shit that doesnt matter in school. and like this is an awful unintentional habit i have but i will get like#overly stressed over shit and then i'll start getting SUPER careless with everything. and then i'll injure myself foolishly and Calm Down#happened last year with my foolish midnight woodcarving incident LOL its always november....#BUT yeah luckily this years foolish injury is a quick one at least!!#but yeah like genuinely i was so stressed out about all my fine arts major shit. teachers have been really getting on my case recently#my main professor said that it was a good thing people get so riled up with my work because it means its impactful#tbh i didnt believe her at all i thought she was just trying to placate me but then i listened closely to the things faculty say when#they look at my fucking. cartoon wolf drawing or something and i think. she might be right actually. people keep getting frustrated with me#because i think they see a lot of potential in me but i basically only have to drive to draw cartoon wolves etc HFKJSDHJVKRFEds#which is great for my ego. maybe too good for my ego. that my mark making and colour use etc is so evocative to these industry and#instutition people. but on the other hand i was told like thrice now that my work has no place in a gallery. which is fine although im not#totally sure how true that is. but also afterwards one time i was suggested to go into animation instead which is. um.#so its not out of nowhere i mean i did want to be an animator when i was like 10 but if you know anything about the current state of the#animation industry its like genuinely wild to tell someone who you've only seen 2 dimensional watercolour and acrylic painted#sketchy lined drawings from and who has said they cant do digital art anymore that they should get an animation degree?#brother they would kill me. i would be killed. i had an inkling but it really made me notice so clearly how limited the experiences my#faculty kind of have with certain industries. which is fine. or maybe not. for a professor LOL but yknow. but i was like huh. i guess i can#just kind of chill lol if i just keep doing things maybe something will come of it. i may not get as much help in my artistic development#rn as i would like. but its chill i think i'll figure it out if i just keep doing stuff <3#doesnt really matter that my teachers dont know what to do with me. my kneeeee has a booboo so i am CHILLING out :)
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Once again I am fueled by comments from my thesis supervisor and feel like I can actually do this thing hell YEAAAAHHHH
I CAN WRITE THIS THING!!! I CAN DO IT!!!!! AAAAAAAHHHH
#imagine a drawing of me going all feral that's me rn#I get so hyped every time I meet him even though all his comments are like “this is okay” and “what did you mean by this”--#then followed up by discussions and improvement suggestions and I get so excited about writing it all suddenly#like!!! what is this!!!!#it's probably because I get to actually talk about my thesis and in detail with someone who understands it? probably?#most likely now that I think about it. I don't have a lot of friends who study the same thing so I can't talk about these things in depth#(but I'm also very happy to have those friends who don't understand but listen to my ramblings about it <3 )#p#and also also like. I am about 45 pages into this thing. I am so far. I have wanted to just drop it for the past month or so but!! I'm so--#--far!!! holy shit!!! that's amazing my guy!!! you're doing well!! just need the clean up and some clearer explanations and that's it#it's not going to be two more years of this it's going te 6 months MAX#most likely 4 months of work with 1-2 months after for the grading and checking process when i don't have to do shit#I only have this thesis; one essay that is 75% done; and one spanish course I'm taking end I'm done!!!! I will cry when that happens!!
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look at this and feel nothing challenge failed
#sorry i have no idea who took this i found it already reposted on twt#i also have nothing to say#like#what do i even say#let me just.....idk. die in peace over here#seonghwa#fio.txt#nahhhhhhhhhhhh he's not real he can't hurt me#thats a lie and also this is in no ones tag so i can have a break down here without bothering anyone#bc i feel like i need that rn#he's so pretty omg how does he just look like that????#3/3 of posts i made today involved smiley hwa and i thought that was a great idea but its not because HELLO#what am i supposed to do? just watch the time go past and have done nothing but stare at this pic?#i should have gone to sleep like 2.5 hours ago actually but well here i am again#what else is new#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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annoyed with my roommate >:(
#B and I share pizzas but I need the pizzas more (safe food) and I buy most of them#so the rule is supposed to be that B keeps track of how many they eat vs how many I’ve bought and buys replacements#Ex: I bought 7 pizzas. B bought 3. B ate 5 pizzas; now B needs to buy 2 replacement pizzas.#this is a rule bc I have a lot of food restrictions and trauma around going hungry and B knows this. and B agreed to buy me replacements.#generally he’s been pretty good about it! but we were both leaving for trips this past weekend and I specifically asked him to replace#my pizzas bc I knew I was gonna be hungry when I got home#and he did not do that. so yesterday I ordered chipotle for dinner bc I could not go shopping bc energy GONE#and now I’m sitting here after class like >:( I wanted to eat lunch and now I can’t#I’ll go shopping after class today I’m just Annoyed. I’ve been spending a lot of money this week bc of trip and I can’t super afford to#order DoorDash or go shopping more than once a week. bc I am unemployed and living off of savings rn.#*screams*#and now I’m sitting here trying to find foods I can eat and reassure myself that it’s okay and I won’t starve#bc body is convinced that me being hungry means that I’m gonna be hungry for a long time#I’m gonna go make some popcorn. I ate the pumpkin brownies Beck gave me so that helps.#I wish I’d thought to ask Hobbs for the leftover pizza slices from Saturday night. ah well.#I’m safe and I will be able to buy groceries after class and I will eat dinner and I’m not in trouble for needing food#it’s okay
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once again i am on the playlist lol
#just me hi#my strange brain concoctions back at it again lmfsh#i've been workin on it by bits and bits for the past 2-3ish days and i think i've almost got what i mean hfvbs#yea... mnmnm...#//outta the Lagoons into the Blues !! what a transition hkfshv#i mean i Have found that i actually really really like the shampoo we've been using for like 5 years hghfsv#but also i've had to switch from that one to a different one anyway cuz my hair? is grezy ghfbshv#it Is soft now though which is cool :D cuz the old soap didn't get it quite well and i was using dish soap sometimes to strip it so Lmao#which btw the dish soap worked p well. however it Did feel stripped kgfhsv#/what else what else uuum#i've developed more world stuff for pi.e which is also very epic and neat ; like the 3 Cities + radiation towns + Sanctuary cities +#Sanctuary zones + how they interact w/ each other lol :)#i have these weird lil creatures that i'm calling Rascals rn but i think they need a different name pfshv#and also cuz i made the general world bigger that means i have defined more of the plot just by. scribbling some points for towns on paper#yea :D this thing is maybe just a little bit daunting but i'll prolly get it figured out lol ; roman 3#/oh i Do really wanna draw more pi.e stuff to post hfh :>#cuz despite it all i am still v shy abt my stuff and that's kinda silly so !!#/sometimes my brain gets into these weird paper jams where i'm doing one thing but then i see and wanna do another thing (easy transition ?#but then i see another thing and then another and now i have 4 different things and i feel bad just focusing on just one because. ??? ????#when i was little i used to humanize objects Just before they were thrown away and i think that sort of carried over in a weird way bfhsvgj#balance in all things !! wait no not like that w-#//oh wait wait did i ever mention i learned to make stir fried rice w/ egg#prolly not that big of a deal but i'm STILL happy abt that lol :D#maybe especially cuz i was doing most of the cooking while my picky-cook brother was helping and he thought it was good so like YAY#though tried to make it a second time and i let my ma put the salt in the pot and she oversalted it by Far TwT#it was fine though just really salty lol :)#//mnm also getting into classic vehicles a lil bit#just a bit! cuz i don't know where to start and i just really like that one bike i doodled a bit ago#also i'm a bit spooked that my dad will find out and he is Overwhelming when he finds you might like smth he knows smth abt gfvsgh <3#//Oh i'm outta tag space pfshgv - Toodlesssss ciao :3
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randomly looked at this account to update my age and holy shit it's been a while since i posted here..........i have a small pile of art i have yet to post but hbhbshdbshbd too lazy
#part of it is that i haven't posted any of my recent art but in addition#i haven't made new art in a WHILE (abt 3 months) which is highly unusual for me but the reason for that is#3 months ago i suddenly remembered that i tried learning mandarin for three (3) days before forgetting about it for 9 months#(amusingly the reason why is not because of danmei......i did not even know danmei existed when i first decided to learn it)#anyways i have been insanely fixated on learning it for the past 3 months#however since art is primarily a way for me to process my interests and that only really be done when i'm fixated on media........well#let's just say i have not been making art at all#that might change soon tho#rn i'm reading 撒野 (saye) in chinese bc it's at a level i can read and i fucking love it so far#idk why i picked a book longer than svsss (which took me a week to read in english)...u would think there's no chance of me finishing it#or even reading it#especially when the only novel i've read before this is a chinese translation of the fucking magic finger by roald dahl LMFAO#but it's been a week and i'm a fifth of the way into it which i was not expecting at all#it was initially an exercise of “i will get as far as i can and try my best to read a chapter a day” but i've been zipping through chapters#last night i was up until 3 AM reading it and i was so tempted to read more but had to stop myself#of course this is all aided by pleco which lets me quickly look up words that i don't know yet. pleco ily#that being said...this all does mean i know words like 收銀台 before i even know the word for “orange” (the color) which is pretty funny#but idk considering that the sum of my time spent learning chinese is just 3 months..........i think i am doing pretty damn good#i thought it would be a LOT longer before i could finally start enjoying some interesting things#god but it really has been a while since i last read a high school romance...but i am quite fond of the leads and their respective baggage#sorry for the whole tag ramble.........i haven't really had anyone to talk abt this stuff with#oh also it's my birthday#that is why i am even here to update my age in the first place#happy lan wangji birthday#actually the only reason i realized it was gonna be my birthday soon is because i saw chinese artists posting lan wangji birthday fanart#and then remembered that we share the same birthday#also re: the art i haven't posted yet.........a good chunk of it is misvil fanart...song qingshi my beloved#and there's also a luo binghe drawn on an art app i PROGRAMMED MYSELF (!!!!!!!!!) in there#actually that piece is the main reason i haven't posted the art i HAVE made. how the fuck do i explain that i drew it on an app that i made#sorry this is genuinely the most off the rails tag ramble i've ever done. okay i'm done
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There's this nearly 4 hour movie I've been meaning to watch for a while and I was like "ah maybe ill watch it tonight hehe 🥰" and then I remember...quali is at 9 🫠
#i actually despise abu dhabi being the seaosn closer ngl#basically since Japan the race time has suited my timezone pretty well#1 am. 1 pm. 3 pm. 4 pm. 12 pm. 1 am.#<- like look at that. look at they absolutely delicious schedule#every race for the past 2 months has been at an ideal time and ive really settled into it#wow you mean i can sleep in on weekends and actually wnjoy the schedule!? oh boy!#and then they put fucking ad at the end which is at 8 am. who wants to wake up that early on a sunday#it would be fine if it was earlier in the season bcs during the middle i got pretty used to waking up before 9 bcs all the European races#but to have this one at thw end is literally horrible#its really down to timezones but fuck it really does bother me#bcs wow youve made me have zero desire to watch the season closer! thanks!!#id sooooo much rather brazil be the season closer still#like whh do you have to completely switch timezones right at the very end. its terrible#i think ill do waht i did last season and take a bit of a nap beforehand#it makes it much worse that this on a holiday wknd too. yeah bcs i rly wanna spend the last two days of my break waking up in the morning#sry im being ultra salty rn but i really dont wanna wake up for it but i hate missing race events UGHHHHHH#last yr i literally fell asleep during the first lap of AD 😭#yeah im concerned abt if nando will retain p4 or not but...waking up before 8 am...??#yeah idk i just rly dislike this scheduling#i actually kinda like AD as a track but its position in the season makes me resent it#catie.rambling.txt
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...
#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol#this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable#im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work#property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me#like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well#and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for#Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too#like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and#down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy#last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just#feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b#put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back#down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then#that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her#i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better#on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out#dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really?#ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious.#i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles#but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol#unrelated
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i need to stop forgetting things exist the fucking second they leave my field of vision. why is is impossible for two things to occupy my mind at once especially when im tired. like. i feel like a sim. i feel like actions are being canceled and i just. move on. and completely forget what i was doing moments before. i fucking hate it
#i feel like it’s getting worse too#like its always hasn’t been great but the past few weeks have been especially bad#why can’t i remember things!! why is my short term memory sucking ass!!!!!!#like if i don’t write/type things down i loose it#making me wanna rip my hair out what the fuck is going on!!!!!#gonna start playing those phone games that improve memory or whatever#it’s either that or going to my mom for an essential oil recommendation#i know it’s probably some undiagnosed shit but im also like. i can’t keep blaming whatever is wrong with my brain because its a problem with#/me/. ya know?? like. yeah it is something with my brain. obviously. but i need to take some sort of action to fix it. and i dont know what#that action is#besides the two options i said before#or carrying a fucking notebook around and writing down everything. which is stupid also and i know won’t last a week#problem is im gonna forget about any rule i come up with since as soon as im preoccupied with something else. i’ll forget the rule#i would need a hat with the reminder on paper tapped to the hat#so it’s always dangling in front of my eyes#i don’t know what else to do at this point!!!!#it’s making me so worried about going away for college. cause yeah i did really well at community. but if i have the deteriorating memory#of a goldfish who’s constantly banging its head against the glass. how am i gonna make it through university.#i love writing essays in the tags that no one will read <3#having a ball rn. a great time. not feeling like a waste of resources at all rn. feeling great.#if my mom doesn’t let me wear my earbuds tomorrow i think ill scream#anyways. gonna bake some blueberry lemon sweet rolls tomorrow#me rambling#i love being undiagnosed#but let’s be real#being diagnosed won’t give me anything other than more of an excuse#because i can’t go on meds with my current living situation#and i also don’t really want to go on meds because i don’t trust them#feeling silly i think ill actually post this one maybe someone has a suggestion for what to do#vent
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for the first time since I've watched it, I've finally reached a point where I should not watch bojack horseman for my mental health
#im watching avatar rn anyways....#on the rare occasion every 3-5 months where i sit down and watch something other than youtube#eethend speaks#bojack horseman#spoilers in tags btw#i specifically shouldn't watch past sarah lynns death#I shouldn't watch any of it rn but i just know if i start again where i left off (halfway thru s3) I'm fucked#my mental health is on a sharp decline almost constantly#and i cant tell if i actually am getting worse or if im pretty much constant#but tricking myself when i feel bad#who knows.#(probably the latter)#either way im not well and I'm extremely not medicated#dont let me watch horse man feel bad about himself#randblog#not queued#txt#its a shame tho.. its one of my fav shows
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i hate dating apps so much. but what else is a guy supposed to do when he just goes to class and work basically.
#i had a making out dream the other night too...just never me a normal seex dream. that is so easy to handle.#but making out? falling in love? DESPERATE AND MISERABLE FOR ME#I suck at hitting on people irl bc i am so easily flustered so i couldnt even make a good attempt when i am interested.#and like pairing that with my anxiety disorder. Well i just cant until im given permission<3#i fucked up so bad with the last person i was seeing.#esp sucks bc i ended up not even being able to really work professional theatre rn so i have free time. Well. you win and lose some.#just need someone to show that type of interest in me. past just like. i guess being a friend that wants to make out or fuck.#Guy poorly containing all the love in his body at all times.
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Silly Anon here! Just wanted to see how you're doing and that you're taking things at your own pace <33
hi silly!!! oh gosh this ask made me tear up!! i really am so beyond lucky + thankful to have you here!!! thank you so much for taking a moment to check up on me, sweetpea <3 my heart is so full!!!
today has been like,, really rough haha which is why i think receiving this ask made me extra emotional but i am persevering through it!! i'm surrounded by very beautiful souls so i’ve been trying really hard to focus on and be grateful for that <3
#today was hard#the past two weeks have been hard but today was another *really* hard day#but i'm here to hang out with u all for a bit now c:#i have another appointment next week sooooo i am just tryna make it to that rn#i hope you’re doing well sweet anon!!!#please enjoy your week ahead and stay safe! <3#sending bunches of love your way! <33#inky.bb#clari gets mail#silly anon <3
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my love language is helping my friends thru difficult videogame levels
#.txt#ollie once wanted to play mortal kombat but couldnt get past the tutorial so i j did it for them so they could fuck around in campaign#ive solved MANY tomb raider puzzles for them and have also given them a couple step by step walkthrus of luigis mansion 3 levels#theyre actually playing campaign of call of duty modern warfare 2 and doing VERY well by themself i am very proud#we originally bought the game so we could play together in a private lobby but our work schedules r opposite rn so we havent had time lol
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KILIAN FITZGERALD — casual in the capital QZ before his disappearance | formal / workwear / “university” in the capital QZ a member of the governmental body | post disappearance, convinced single-handedly for fedra to abandon the denver QZ.
picrew
#oc: kilian fitzgerald#vrs: the last of us#t: picrew#leg.ocs#hehehe baby boy. <3#yes i am happy you asked besties the scarf IS light blue for olga thx for asking hehe <3#i am also saying he may be set up with minerva but im also not at all saying he could be available hehe#(im also thinking santo for minnie post p*erry and also saying she’s available too hehe)#HELLO HI so i had a wicked migraine the past two days and slept it off today and now i feel better ❤️🩹🥀🥹#chronic illness my beloved and detested ✨😵💫😖#so i bring to the beloveds he ! olga as far as she’s aware he’s deceased?#by the time she sees him again she’ll have been happily involved with dearie logan for a bit by then <3#and he would have as well! in fact the point of his disappearance was so that she would find the happy ending she deserved 💞💞💫😌 !!!!!!#so i think as well that adrián gianna and alaias father will have stepped down from fedra AG as well though rn gia and alaia don’t know that#he grew jaded as kilian did and dipped hehe <3 good for them !#i think also that gigi leaving him put A LOT into perspective?#i mean they were already going to divorce prior to the outbreak but nonetheless u know? i think he still loves her u know? inch resting !#kilian would have been slated for politics and had been prepared from it from birth <3#and he was the best friend of yori and his best man at his wedding to gianna just before the outbreak <3#I NEED TO WORK ON OLGAS TIMELINE bc i have a bit of ideas of the timeline of their relationship? before the disappearance?#she was there in the capital before they left for seattle and she and him meet actually at yoris wedding to ondria maybe?#I APOLOGIZE IF THE TIMELINE HERE IS LIKE ???? im still working things out sozjxjhx but! dear boy! m’love!#he likely said he was the new AG and requested them to leave the qz as it was under his jurisdiction hehe …. swindle them bestie!
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