#it’s usually for some kind of unexpected illness so the person is already stressed

[memelibrarian10]

Every now and then I get an email stating that someone needs leave donations, which is where coworkers can donate their accrued vacation time for that person to use as sick time.

And you know, while I’m glad this system is in place to help people when needed, I wish it didn’t have to exist. Why can’t that person just be given the time they need instead of hoping enough time can be pooled for them?

[littleoddwriter]

Slashers x GN!Reader with BPD | Headcanons

This is purely for my own comfort, so, yeah - that obviously means that I have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). This only focuses on a few specific symptoms I struggle with, since I needed comfort for those in particular, at the moment.

notes; GenderNeutral!Reader; Intense Fear of Abandonment/Abandonment Issues; Splitting; Favourite Person (FP); Trauma; Self-Harm; Intense Mood Swings; Routines; Hurt/Comfort; Unintentionally Lashing Out on Others; Unstable Relationships (at times, but only on the Reader’s end); Impulsive and Self-Destructive Behaviour.

Characters: Asa Emory/The Collector; Charles Lee Ray/Chucky (Human); Chop Top Sawyer; Jesse Cromeans/Chromsekull; Lester Sinclair; William Easton (not a Slasher, but part of the SAW Franchise, so-).

Asa Emory/The Collector

He became your Favourite Person all too quickly – you couldn’t bear it when he wasn’t with you, when he wouldn’t reply to your texts, or return your calls, and when you didn’t know what he was up to

You split on him a lot in the beginning, and eventually you had reached your breaking point and told him how you felt and how scared you were and if he didn’t actually want you, he should just say so

Surprisingly, Asa ended up reaching a compromise with you, so that he would always text you once an hour, no matter what, to tell you that he was alright and what he was doing – He didn’t mind and was in fact the one to offer this strategy after you weren’t sure what to suggest, as you didn’t want to corner him

It works out well for you two, unless something comes up and he can’t text you – and as the hours stretch, you start spiralling again, having panic attacks, splitting on him, and/or harming yourself

When he comes home on such nights, he takes care of you, comforts you to the best of his abilities and apologises for not letting you know that something had happened earlier

At times that you already wake up in a mood, he would just take you with him to work, or his ‘hobby’ to keep an eye on you and assure you that he doesn’t mind, and that he’s here for you

He never judges you for hurting yourself either – he’ll just nurse your wounds and kiss them better

Charles Lee Ray/Chucky

At first he doesn’t take it all too seriously, although he does educate himself and lets you elaborate on your individual symptoms and struggles – he just has trouble being empathic and sympathetic about it

Still, whenever necessary, he’s here for you and he’ll hold you close as you cry, scream or go on about whatever set you off (he might even avenge you if someone was an asshole to you/triggered you/etc.)

He doesn’t mind your self-destructive and/or impulsive behaviours – he knows it’s not on purpose and he really isn’t one to talk after all in terms of impulsiveness at least

Being your FP might have caused some problems at first, since he doesn’t understand why you can’t just trust his word that he isn’t going to drop you one second to the other; but he eventually comes around and you two work on strategies to prevent you from spiralling too much when he’s not in reach

After a while, he starts being possessive of you anyway, and that’s when it really stops being a problem – he makes sure you know that he loves you and that you’re his

Chop Top Sawyer

No thanks to having been involved in Vietnam, he has his fair share of traumas and flashbacks as well, so that’s something he is better at comforting and helping you out with than anyone else – you both do

Since he doesn’t actually work anymore, he’s always at home with you when you’re there – he’s happy to not leave your side for long at times, and he’s even happier to have lengthy phone calls with you when you are apart

He may not be the best with words and displays of affection, but he does his best to assure you anyway, especially when you desperately need it

Self-harm is nothing shameful to him at all; and just like the others, he’ll only make sure you’re okay and your wounds will heal the way they’re supposed to

In a strange way, he actually enjoys being your FP – probably because he’s not used to this kind of attention and actually being needed by another person (apart from Nubbins, back when they were kids)

He even takes your intense mood swings in stride – mostly because he is sometimes a little oblivious to it anyway, but also because he knows you never mean it when you’re being distant or snippy

If you ever have an episode in his presence, he’ll comfort you as best as he can, if you let him close, and reassures you that it’s okay and that you’re safe with him (you’re special after all) – it usually works surprisingly well and it’s nice to be able to ride out your emotions and not be completely on your own in the process

Jesse Cromeans/Chromeskull

If you didn’t already have a therapist, he’d make sure you have one by the end of the week, after you’ve told him about your diagnosis and constant struggles because of it

Puts in a lot of effort into researching it in addition to what you’ve told him about your individual problems

When you tell him that he’s your FP, he takes it well enough – it doesn’t make him feel pressured, since he only sees it as a benefit to know it, because he can actively help to make it easier on you

So when he is out to work, he’ll text you regularly, send you photos, tells you what he’s doing, that he misses you, that he loves you, that he can’t wait to come back home to you, etc. and it soothes you a lot

He comforts you whenever needed and just showers you in kisses while you lie on top of him as he holds you close

If you hurt yourself and let him know, or he sees it, he never holds it against you and instead makes sure your wounds heal properly and that you know he is here for you if the urge comes back to help you resist it – he will also take good care of injuries that are worse

Whenever you are triggered by anything or suddenly started to feel bad or are having flashbacks, he is here for you – be that physically or not, depending on it, he’ll gladly puts everything on the back-burner to help you out, text back and forth with you until it’s passed/you feel a little better/more stable

Essentially you’re never alone with your struggles again; he takes such great care of you and accommodates you as well as he can to make life easier for you, and you couldn’t be more grateful

Lester Sinclair

When you tell him what’s going on with you, after he’s asked you about the very sudden mood swings you’ve displayed and he wanted to make sure you’re okay – he was confused and admittedly very uneducated on all the possible mental disorders that exist (you can’t blame him, though)

So you spend quite some time on telling him how BPD affects you personally and what he could do to help make it easier on you, especially since relationships are such a difficult thing for you

He grasps the basics very quickly and he rarely leaves you alone, unless you want to be by yourself or he can’t take you with him on some drives

Of course he’s concerned when you harm yourself, but he doesn’t make you feel bad about it – he understands that you can’t just turn it off and not do it – and he usually gets Vincent to take care of your wounds if they need better medical attention than your own, since he’s good and practised at it

Sometimes you might lash out at him – especially when you split on him, or you’re already irritated in general – and while he never blames you for it or holds it against you, it takes him aback a little every time (being used to such things from Bo helps him handle it better, though)

But it’s easy for you two to reassure each other of your love and make sure nobody’s feelings are ever seriously hurt – so despite all that, you share a good, fulfilling and healthy relationship

William Easton

Due to working with health insurances, he knows a lot about every possible illness – not just physical ones, so he was already familiar with the concept of BPD, which came as a relief when you told him

He takes it in stride every day – your mood swings are exhausting to yourself and while they can be tiring for him as well, he never lets on, since he is more determined to be here for you and help you through the worse ones

Since he’ll often stay in the office after hours to work some more, you two phone a lot whenever possible, or he sends you little texts to assure you of his presence and the fact that he is not going to suddenly bail on you

Still, no thanks to the stress his work puts on him, he unintentionally has an exasperated tone with you every now and again, which may cause you to spiral and split on him, but it usually turns out to be alright later – it’s just exhausting for you both

Whenever you engage in self harming behaviours, he comforts you and helps you out – he supports you throughout and keeps encouraging you; he can only guess how hard it must be to resist all these urges and try to ignore your intrusive thoughts

Whenever possible, he’ll buy you gifts to remind you of his love and presence – it’s always unexpected, which is the whole point, since he’s learned that those kinds of presents work far better to reassure you

[lesbianrobin]

What do you think are the good and bad aspects of each season of ST?

ok 1. thank u for this question omg and 2. this answer may or may not be a mess, but either way it’s long (almost 7k words lmao) bc i’m insane, which is why it’s under a cut. it’s still by no means an exhaustive list but these are the things that just kinda came to mind.

also i realize you asked “good and bad” and i wrote this whole post as “strengths and weaknesses” which um. is not Exactly what you asked. but close enough <3 i also ended up including a lot of au ideas ksjdckmn bc like i personally hate when people say a certain plot or whatever was bad without suggesting anything that could have improved it yknow so whenever possible i tried to provide Some idea for fixing the issues i had with the show!!

season 1

strengths (this is probably gonna be the longest section but that’s because a lot of these strengths also apply to s2/s3 by default)

nostalgia and authenticity

this one’s pretty simple, but i think that season one did a good job of blending classic eighties media homages (such as the many many e.t./el parallels) with explicit pop culture references (such as mike’s yoda impression, mentions of the x-men, etc) to create a show that’s essentially dripping in early eighties nostalgia without it feeling too forced. before st, i think the most popular depiction of the eighties in mainstream media was that overly exaggerated neon scrunchie aesthetic from the mid to late eighties, and it was usually done in a comedic sense first and foremost. st took a different approach, instead focusing on the early eighties, a time that’s often ignored in favor of going either Full Seventies or Full Eighties, and i think that this choice likely resonated with adults who lived through the eighties and hadn’t yet seen something that felt quite so accurate to their own adolescence. a lot of young people who watched st were totally unfamiliar with this period of time, unfamiliar with books/movies like “stand by me” that st borrows from heavily, and i think st lent more seriousness to the eighties than most young people had experienced so far, and this was refreshing and interesting!

the use of dnd in the show is also quite genius in a way i’m not sure i can articulate?? it isn’t something Everyone would have played at the time, but it’s something that existed within a different context back in the eighties than it does today, and it really lent a sort of authenticity to the naming of the show’s sci-fi elements. like, of course these kids would name parallel dimensions and monsters and superpowers after these similar things in their favorite game! it just feels so real and it grounds st in our reality moreso than you might expect from the typical sci-fi or horror universe.

utilization of existing tropes

almost every single character in st clearly originates from some popular trope. the plot itself is riddled with classic eighties movie tropes. almost every single element of stranger things can be clearly traced back to some iconic eighties film or just to, like, overused horror/sci-fi/mystery/coming-of-age movie tropes in general. this might sound like a bad thing, but it really works in st’s favor! starting off with familiar tropes gives st the ability to easily create a lot of complexity and make a big impact by selectively deviating from those familiar, comfortable tropes!! while el’s whole plot, hopper’s character, etc, are all examples of this in action, i think the steve/nancy/jonathan plot is the greatest example. even from the start, the fact that good girl barb dies while nancy is off having sex with her asshole boyfriend is an incredibly thorough inversion of the most well-known horror movie trope in the book. how often do girls in horror movies have sex for the first time, walk home alone in the dark of night, and live to tell the tale? nancy and jonathan’s dynamic at first glance is a sort of classic “good girl meets boy from the wrong side of the tracks, discovers he’s actually got a heart of gold” thing, but instead of following this well-trodden path, st diverged. nancy is brash, impulsive, and at times downright insensitive. jonathan is angry, bitter, and actually a bit of a creep at first. while they have the capacity to emotionally connect and support one another, they can also bring out each other’s darker side, which is not what we’ve come to expect from that initial tropey dynamic.

in addition, steve, the popular rich asshole boyfriend, is actually... a human being! unlike the cartoonishly evil jocks that we’ve come to expect (especially from eighties movies), steve has complexity. despite his initial immaturity and selfishness, he’s also kind to barb, he backs off when nancy says no, he’s gentle and sweet when they sleep together, his first big Dick Move of the season is in defense of nancy, he realizes the error of his ways after the fight and does what he can to fix it, he’s worried about nancy when he sees that she’s hurt at jonathan’s house, and to top it all off, he ends up saving both nancy and jonathan’s lives when he could have just walked away, and the three of them all work together to fight the demogorgon. like... steve began as the most stereotypical character of all time, and by the end of the season, he had one of the most compelling and unique arcs among the whole cast!

finally, at the very end of the season, instead of dumping steve for jonathan as expected, nancy ends up getting back together with steve, and they’re both on friendly terms with jonathan. i realize that i just kinda. summarized s1. but my POINT is that i don’t think the dynamics between the monster hunting trio would be nearly as fun and interesting had the characters of nancy, steve, and jonathan not been set up to follow certain paths that we already had charted in our own heads. like, within the first couple episodes of s1, it’s pretty obvious that nancy and steve are gonna break up, nancy will get with jonathan, and steve will either die or go full evil or just never be seen again. like, duh! you’ve seen this story a million times! you know that’s how it’s gonna go! so, when the story DOESN’T go that way, the impact of each character’s arc and the relationship dynamics become stronger due to their unexpected complexity and authenticity. 

distinct plotlines separated by age group

this one’s rather obvious, but the way that the adults in s1 were essentially in a conspiracy thriller while the teens were in a horror flick and the kids were in a sci fi power-of-friendship story and all three converged at the end... wow. brilliant showstopping etc. not only was it just really well done and unique, it also gave stranger things near-universal appeal. like, there’s genuinely something for pretty much everyone in season one!

casting

obviously this applies to every season sorta by default, but when i think about what made season one So successful, i always think about the cast, and not just winona ryder. yes, she’s absolutely amazing in the show and it’s very doubtful that st would be as big as it is today without her name being attached to it from the start!! however, i think the greatest determining factor in st’s success is the casting of the kids, particularly millie bobby brown. like... el is just absolutely incredible. she’s amazing. this has all been said many times before so i won’t harp on it, but millie and the other kids are all So talented and charismatic and i think their casting has been instrumental to the show’s success.

strong visuals

the way that multicolored christmas lights which have been around for decades are now kinda like. a Stranger Things thing. jesus christ. those lights are probably the biggest stroke of stylistic genius on the show.

atmosphere and setting

this is probably like. the least important one here for me sdjncdsc because i think s2 and s3 both had like Even Better atmospheres and shit but s1 was good too and it laid the groundwork!! i know a lot of people would have preferred st be set somewhere more Spooky with lots of fog or giant forests or whatnot, and while i do enjoy thinking about alternate st settings and how they might alter the vibe, i think hawkins indiana was a good choice. as the duffers have said, placing stranger things in a fictional town allows them more flexibility than if they’d gone with their original plan of using montauk, new york. besides that, i think the plainness and like... flatness... of small-town indiana just Works. like, the fact that hawkins is never really scary on the surface is a big part of the horror in the lab’s actions and their impact. hawkins isn’t somewhere that people just disappear all the time. it isn’t somewhere known for strange occurrences (prior to s1, that is). it isn’t somewhere shrouded in mist and secrecy. hawkins on its surface seems like the sort of place with no secrets and nothing to fear, and that’s the point! the lab is out in the open! it’s right there! everything is so close to the surface, yet so far out of the public eye, and i think that really works.

the byers family’s whole deal (specifically the joyce/jonathan dynamic)

this is going here bc i miss it so bad in s2 and s3. i’m not one of those people who believe The Byers Are The Whole Point of the show, because st is and always has been an ensemble, and el, hopper, and the wheelers are just as instrumental to the plot as the byers, but ANYWAY, i do think the byers were one of the most interesting aspects of s1. joyce’s difficulties with supporting her sons as a poor and (implied mentally ill) single mother, jonathan’s stress as a result of having to earn money, care for his brother, and keep the house in order when his mother is unable to do so, and the resulting tension between them when will’s disappearance and supposed “death” brings the situation to a tipping point? holy shit! it’s so good! that argument after they see will’s “body” is just incredible and gut-wrenching. their relationship feels so real and messy and i think it’s just... good. also winona ryder REALLY acted her heart out and she carried a lot of s1 which i think people often forget to mention so i’m saying it here.

weaknesses

pacing/timing

ok so pacing is probably going to go in each season’s weaknesses, to be honest, because i think they all had a blend of some good and some bad pacing. good pacing is invisible pacing, though, so i probably won’t be putting it in any of the strengths sections and will only be focusing on it in the weaknesses. i’m also probably not going to talk about weird day/night cycle things, just because i don’t want to get nitpicky on timelines because that would require going back and rewatching things to double check timing which i don’t wanna do at the moment lmao. anyway, when i think of bad pacing in season one, i primarily think of two things: nancy’s little trip into the upside down and subsequent sleepover with jonathan, and the sort of staggered nature of the climax in the final episode. the latter is simple so i’ll explain it first: while i understand that each group’s respective climax is like part of a chain reaction and that’s why each big moment happens separately and at different times, i think that st is strongest when the whole group is together, and i think that makes the stakes feel higher too, so i’m not In Love with the way s1 separated everyone and gave each group their own climax. 

okay, now on to the nancy/upside down thing! idk if i’ve ever talked about it before, but i think the worst decision made in s1 by far is the inclusion of nancy’s brief trip into the upside down, wherein she dives headfirst into another dimension with absolutely no backup, watches the demogorgon chow down, freaks out and runs around for a minute, and then leaves. like... what the fuck? even putting aside what an idiotic decision this was (because i do think nancy’s tendency to rush into things headfirst is an intentional and consistent character trait), it just kind of destroys any remaining suspense surrounding the demogorgon and the upside down, and it accomplishes basically nothing besides scaring nancy enough to have jonathan sleep over, which is lame. i will break it down.

like, first of all, nancy just getting to waltz in and out of the upside down and get a good, long look at the demogorgon makes the entire thing far less mysterious, and by extension far less scary. like... before this scene, we the audience haven’t got a good look at the demogorgon. we’ve seen its silhouette briefly and we’ve seen a blurry picture of it, but nothing more, and i think that is far more effective at building fear than this jaunt nancy goes on which gives us a full view of the thing and makes it into less of a horrifying nightmare and into more of a humanoid animal. like, maybe this is just me, but i found the demogorgon far less intimidating after that scene than before. it also lets nancy and jonathan know For Sure that they’re right without providing any crucial information that they need to fight the demogorgon (aka it’s unnecessary to the plot), which removes a very compelling story element (the faith nancy and jonathan need to have in order to keep going against a vague and poorly understood enemy, the doubt they might have about each other and their own sanity, the possibility that they might be wrong, the trust they need to have in each other) a bit earlier in the plot than i believe is ideal. at the end of episode 5, nancy goes into the upside down and jonathan doesn’t know where she is and it’s intense!!! you’re thinking like, oh fuck, not only is nancy missing and fighting for her life now too, jonathan might be implicated in her disappearance!! some people already think he’s the one who killed will and people know that he took creepy pictures of barb and nancy before they both disappeared, maybe this is gonna cause some serious problems for him!! maybe nancy will find will in the upside down and she’ll help him survive!! fuck, maybe she’ll actually die!! this is huge!! and then episode 6 starts and they’re immediately like oh nevermind jonathan found the tree and got nancy out and she’s fine. my point with all of this is that nancy entering the upside down could have done A Lot in the grand scheme of the plot, but all it did was just... get jonathan to sleep over so he and nancy could have some awkward romance moments and steve could see them together and pick a fight. which could have honestly happened at Any point while nancy and jonathan were working together to hunt down the demogorgon, without ruining the demogorgon’s and the upside down’s mystique. so yeah <3

weird behavior and dumbass decisions that make no sense (aka the whole camera thing)

gonna go off about the teen plot again sorry but: why was nancy so unbothered and quick to forgive jonathan for taking those pictures? girl what the fuck are you doing? why wasn’t that a bigger deal? why was jonathan’s motivation for doing it so weak and why did they just kind of forget about the whole thing? why did nancy TRACK HIM DOWN AT THE FUNERAL HOME while he was PICKING OUT HIS BABY BROTHER’S CASKET to be like hey can you tell me what’s in this creepshot you took? it’s insane. it’s so insane. i mean i think the funeral home thing is hilarious and i don’t mind it being in the show necessarily but like my point here is that i think a lot of character decisions in s1 just kind of.. happened because they Needed to happen for the plot. like, they wrote this plot that required jonathan to be secretly taking pictures of the party and required him and nancy to work together after seeing something odd in the pictures, but they didn’t like... really consider what that event would mean for their characterization and relationship. the whole thing was sort of just dropped with minimal discussion and i think it did both nancy and jonathan’s characters a disservice and was really mishandled.

lighting and saturation/color grading

i am literally begging horror/sci-fi shows to let me see shit. i GET IT okay i understand that when you’re doing cgi effects it helps to keep the lights down and i’m not mad at any of the lighting in the demogorgon/upside down scenes!! i’m really not i think the demogorgon scenes in s1 all look sick!! but like... dude. the colors. where are they. why does everyone look like a vampire. i know blah blah this was probably an intentional stylistic choice intended to mimic film at the time blah blah but dude a lot of old movies are very colorful!! please just let people have color in their faces so everyone doesn’t look like a sheet of paper!!! also i’m white and not a professional lighting designer so yknow grain of salt but i think lucas was kinda poorly served by the lighting sometimes in s1. not Hugely so, not to the degree that i’ve seen poc be poorly served by lighting in other shows, but there were some times where it felt kinda like the lighting setup was just not designed with darker skin in mind. 

horror

i just personally don’t find s1 very scary like... ever. i don’t think they were really Trying to be extremely scary yknow so i’m not counting this as a big deal, but i do think that each season has improved on the horror aspects. i think s1′s horror lies more in the mystery and the unknown than in what’s seen onscreen, and as i’ve said already, i think s1 kind of fumbled that suspense ball.

season 2

strengths

the possession plot

i’ll warn u rn this whole s2 strengths section is probably gonna be really short bc idk like. how much there is to really say i feel like it’s all so self-explanatory skjncmn. anyway yeah the possession plot!! eerie as fuck, and noah OWNED. so did winona tbh and finn and sean etc but like. noah. wow! i think the possession plot helped the show maintain a good amount of tension and suspense throughout the season, and a lot of scenes with possessed!will are flatout disturbing to watch. in a good way. i think the mindflayer and will’s possession were far more genuinely frightening than s1′s demogorgon, and it provided a new layer of depth and intrigue to the antagonist besides just “bad monster want eat people.”

tone and aesthetics

halloween season... literally halloween season. halloween season. that is all.

actually i will elaborate a bit and just say that i think s2 did a good job of having the sort of foreboding vibe that s1 was often going for, but without the annoying darkness and desaturation. so points for that.

also st2 is like one of the best Autumn pieces of media ever like it just. like steve and dustin on those train tracks with the fallen leaves all around them.... god. god the vibes are unparalleled. all of the halloween stuff also really contributes to the nostalgia st runs on yknow it makes you think about childhood and trick-or-treating and you kind of get transported like damn... i remember going to the rich neighborhoods to score the good candy..... idk i just think the whole thing is incredibly effective. 

“babysitter” steve

by sending nancy and jonathan off together, the show created a problem: what to do with steve? this problem pushed them to create the unconventional and unexpected duo of steve and dustin, and the world is so much brighter for it. seriously though we all know steve and dustin are great i don’t need to argue that point. all i’ll add is that i think allowing steve to grow in this way, serving as a mentor figure and becoming genuine friends with someone so unexpected, really took the originality of his character to the next level. no longer content just to defy his archetype, in s2 steve begins branching out in ways that never would have been considered in s1, creating an incredibly complex and interesting person from the sort of character that most shows would have simply written out or killed off for convenience’s sake. and it works and steve and dustin are such a joy to watch and i love them. <3

the lucas/max plot

so first of all max mayfield is the most perfect baby girl on god’s green earth and idk what i would do without her but anyway. i think lumax is the best romantic relationship in the show and not just because they’re the only ones with like an age-appropriate approach to the whole thing. it’s also because their relationship accomplishes more than just putting the two of them in a relationship!! lucas and max spending time together motivates billy to do his evil shit, providing more conflict in the narrative, and it also helps establish max as part of the group in a relatively natural way while giving both her and lucas a great subplot. lucas (and dustin) has a crush on the new girl, they start spending some time together, and lucas ends up needing to decide whether he’ll keep the secret of the upside down and lose her, or risk both of their lives by telling her the truth. that’s a pretty big, character-defining decision that he gets to make!! max has to choose whether to trust this boy she barely knows and endanger herself, or to walk away and stay safe, yet another great character-defining choice that also contributes to the sense we get as an audience of max as somebody who’s incredibly lonely and desperate for love and connection. this post is way too long already and i have a ton more to say so i’ll stop now but yeah i think lumax really Works in the show without ever distracting or detracting from the overall plot and narrative in the way that some other ships (coughjancycough) often do.

balance between the normal and abnormal

s2 i think did a pretty solid job of melding daily life with more fantastical sci-fi horror elements. i enjoyed seeing so much of the kids at school in the first few episodes!! you really get a strong sense of where they’re at in life, what their daily lives are like, and you get a sort of gradual shift into madness that makes everything feel more grounded than i think it would if they had just leapt straight into the horror shit, yknow? 

the el and hopper dynamic

go back and rewatch s2 and tell me that’s not one of the most moving portrayals of parenthood and trauma and growing up that you’ve ever seen. you can’t. or well you can but i won’t listen. i really can’t imagine stranger things without el and hopper’s relationship, and it’s my absolute favorite part of s2. their whole dynamic is so beautiful and complex, and gives them each amazing personal arcs in addition! the black hole scene is literally one of the show’s greatest moments of all time. any given scene between the two of them in s2 is just guaranteed to be heartwarming as well as heartbreaking, and i think that makes for an incredible show.

weaknesses

flashbacks

okay this applies to Every season they All have too many flashbacks but in s2 specifically... please stop showing me shit from season one. i watched it. i know what happened. you don’t need to spoon feed everything to me!! flashbacks can be a really helpful way of delivering information to an audience, but st has a bad habit of not only being kinda demeaning in how often they flash back to shit that the audience already knows, but they also have a bad habit of using flashbacks almost as a crutch to avoid having to deliver information subtly and naturally. 

you know i gotta say it... the lost sister

this is so sad. the lost sister really is like a great concept for an st episode, and i’m not mad about the idea of st taking a break from the normal action to focus on one story for a full episode, but the execution of it was just dreadful. kali and her crew feel very over-the-top and stereotypical, and its placement in the season totally kills the tension and excitement that was built in “the spy.” 

i think the lost sister honestly could have gone over far better, even with the stereotypical fake-feeling gang kali has, if they had just swapped it with “the spy” like... ok, the end of episode five has el setting off to find kali and will collapsing on the ground seizing. right? imagine if, instead of immediately following will to the lab, we’d followed el. we don’t know what’s happening with will, but it’s a very simple cliffhanger that leaves us on edge without making us feel cheated by the show cutting away. we follow el on her little journey, everything happens much the same as canon, and then at the end, el sees hopper in scrubs. she sees mike, screaming, sees that they’re both in danger. holy shit!!! what the fuck!!! what’s happened since we left will seizing on the ground??? we feel el’s fear and confusion. she decides to go home. and then... boom. “the lost sister” is over. now, we rewind, right back to will seizing on the ground, and “the spy” commences. we learn how they got into the danger that el saw in the end of “the lost sister,” and we sit on the edge of our seats all through “the spy” and “the mind flayer,” KNOWING that el is on her way back to save them but not knowing when she’ll arrive!! idk i don’t think that would have necessarily saved lost sister but i think it may have alleviated some of the issues that i and many others have with it, timing-wise.

the nancy/jonathan sidequest

once again, the idea of nancy going off on her own little mission to find justice for barb after s1 is like. amazing. genuinely i love that plot for her and i can’t imagine anything better for her to have focused on in s2. unfortunately though i think her and jonathan’s little trip to see murray was just kind of... lame. the whole thing just felt like an excuse to get the two of them alone together, yknow? which is fine i guess people contrive all sorts of situations to get characters alone together for romance reasons but in this case i think it just really doesn’t work for me because of what it’s juxtaposed with. like, will is POSSESSED, and jonathan is just off on a mini road trip and sleeping with his bestie, and jonathan never seems to communicate to joyce/will that he left town, and joyce never like... thinks to tell him that will is like sick and fucked up and they’re looking at him in the lab??? like it’s so weird i know joyce always forgets about jonathan when shit’s happening with will but jfc you’d think at some point in that like... 72-ish-hour period where jonathan was out of town she would have thought about him. like at least once. maybe i’m forgetting something and she mentioned him sometime and i missed it but even still, i hate the juxtaposition of nancy and jonathan just like cheers-ing at murray’s place and sleeping together and whatnot while everyone else is dealing with possession or trying to hunt down dart yknow? it feels really boring in comparison and i think it could have been done far better. like it was SO insanely easy for them to get into the lab and get an admission of guilt and escape with it!! i think it might have been a lot more engaging if maybe someone from the lab tailed them to murray’s place and they had to like lose the tail and race to get the recording out to as many news outlets as possible before they got caught, or something like that. the tension in their plotline is completely resolved in episode four!! episodes five and six are just them screwing around and addressing envelopes. while there were a lot of strong ideas in this plotline (i really enjoy nancy going out of her way to get justice, and the fact that they have to water down the story to make it believable), i just think the focus on nancy and jonathan getting together hindered it a lot without adding a ton to the plot or their individual characters.

season 3

strengths

starcourt mall as a setting

while i don’t think the mall was utilized quite to its full potential (something i could make a separate post about if anyone’s interested), i do think that starcourt was a genius addition to the series. i’ve said this before, but building a new mall is a literal Perfect in-universe justification for a significant leap forward in fashion and aesthetics, and it provides a great location for characters to just... be characters. idk how else to articulate this i just think that the mall is a great setting to let people interact with each other and to bring people together who may not have been otherwise (i.e. scoops troop). not to mention how sick it was to see the mall get wrecked toward the end kdjncdkm like they were able to do so much more with the mall in terms of like The Finale than they could with just the byers house or the cabin or the school or even the lab. i love all the back tunnels they run through it’s such a fun like acknowledgement of how this glitzy eighties mall is just a real place where employees get shipments and take out the trash and shit idk it’s all about the perfect facade and what’s hidden what’s underneath what’s hiding in plain sight etc etc i’m just saying words now. anyway. 

willingness to experiment and go against expectations

gay robin. neon aesthetics. giant fucking meat monster. i know some people hate both the neon and the meat monster but i personally think they were kind of amazing and like. yknow regardless of personal tastes i think it’s impossible to deny that s3 had a lot of incredible visuals, and they’re all visuals that just wouldn’t have been possible if the show were too afraid to stray from its s1 aesthetic. robin being canonically gay (and her resulting friendship with steve) and the season’s striking visuals are two things that most everyone (besides like homophobes skjncdknm) can agree were great, right? and they were both departures from where the show began and what we all expected!! so yeah i think while some of the experimentation in s3 wasn’t ideal it was also that experimentation that allowed for some of the season’s strongest elements to come about.

the hospital sequence (and the season’s action/horror scenes in general)

this one is fairly self-explanatory. while they may have underutilized the “body snatching” element of the season, the hospital sequence with nancy and jonathan fighting off their possessed bosses did an amazing job of building tension and creating a genuine sense of really intense and personal danger.

in general i think that s3 melded action and horror rather well, particularly in the sauna test, the hospital, and when the mindflayer busts through the roof of hop’s cabin. horror can come from many things, and in this case, st elicited horror largely from the feeling of helplessness, and it was really effective for me personally. i think it worked better for me than s1′s brand of horror because it doesn’t rely so much on a lack of knowledge or a sense of suspense that inevitable disappears upon a second viewing.

the body horror we got in s3 was also really fun! that’s it i just think all the blood and guts and slime were fun and i would like more of them. once again, the impacts of body horror are less dependent upon the viewer being in the dark or unsure as to what’s happening, and as such i think it tends to be a little more effective at eliciting reaction in the long term.

timing and mechanics of the battle of starcourt/finale

i think the battle of starcourt is just fucking awesome, and beyond that personal opinion, i think it’s the most high-stakes and intense finale of all three seasons, and this is for two main reasons! 1. el is out of commission, and 2. (almost) everyone is in the same cental location. this means that (almost) everyone is in danger all at once, and they are all working together at the same time to fight the same threat. s1/s2 have their groups more fragmented for the finales, and while i understand why in each case and i wouldn’t call either season’s finale necessarily weak, i do think the centralized nature of the s3 finale just Works on another level. in s1 and s2, large segments of the cast are already perfectly safe by the time el dispatches the primary threat. in s3, however, everybody save for dustin and erica is still in danger up until the last moment, and el is seemingly (you can def debate how much power she still had in her when she peeked into billy’s mind and whether the memory broke the mindflayer’s hold on him or if she was actually controlling him to some degree) completely vulnerable. this increases the tension and raises the stakes, making the finale a real crescendo to fortissimo as opposed to a series of little mezzo forte moments. i hope everyone reading this knows music idk how else to phrase that my brain is stupid.

emphasis on friendship and adolescence (but in a different way than s1/2)

this is definitely a controversial one but i think that s3 really did like... show a side of friendship that had been more or less unexplored thus far in the show. el and max were amazing, and i think it’s really nice that we got an opportunity to see the kids have some growing pains as well as see them support each other through Normal Adolescent Stuff like boyfriends and breakups instead of just like. death and trauma. this is maybe just a personal preference, but i think it can be really enlightening and provide a lot of depth when you get to see how characters respond to normal everyday conflict and not just how they respond to giant world-ending conflict!! letting el use her powers for goofy teenage shit like spying on boys and messing with mean girls at the mall is not only fun for her and the audience, but it also really emphasizes just how much those powers are a part of el, making it that much more devastating when she loses them at the end of the season. 

weaknesses

tonal dissonance

so this is like. obvious. but it must still be said! i won’t go on and on about it since we all know this so i’ll try to like talk about it from an angle people don’t usually? anyway. it seems to me like they were maybe a little worried about s3 being too dark. while the choice to really lean into humor was definitely driven by the sorts of eighties teen films from which s3 drew inspiration (like fast times at ridgemont high), i think it was also done in an attempt to alleviate the more troubling implications of some events in the season, particularly the russian bunker plot. like, yeah, st can be incredibly dark, but if they’d played the whole “children being stuck inside of a foreign military base, tied up, tortured, and drugged” thing completely straight without the humorous elements that exist in canon, it had the potential to be like... disturbing on a new level. steve and robin don’t have powers like el yknow their kidnapping/torture doesn’t have any sci-fi elements to sorta soften the blow. they’re just innocent teenagers being brutalized and traumatized by grown men. so anyway yeah i think maybe the writers were concerned about this storyline coming off as too dark and they wanted it to be a little more whimsical but they ended up pushing way too hard in that direction and creating extreme dissonance at times. this goes for joyce/hopper/murray/alexei too, but to a lesser extent. i think the ridiculousness in that group felt a lot more like... realistic. but still. 

newspaper plot

once again i feel like i don’t even need to say this skjdncmn we all know it was insane how the show basically ended up delivering the message “while misogyny is a serious problem poverty and classism are not” and i’ve said it on this blog a million times so i don’t need to repeat myself. i’ll focus on another weak point of this plot: the fact that it completely separates nancy and jonathan from everyone else. once again, the show’s preoccupation with j/ancy held them back! like... can you imagine a version of s3 where nancy and jonathan both worked in the mall? i have a lot of ideas about this possible au and like how the plot could play out differently if they worked in the mall but first of all it’s just more realistic, second of all it further utilizes the mall as a central setting, and third of all, it would bring everyone together. as it is in canon, nancy and jonathan were unnecessarily isolated from the rest of the group, and this isolation was detrimental to both of their characters. like, they only ever get to interact with each other! if they’d gotten summer jobs in the mall, they could have had more interactions with the kids/steve/robin, and they absolutely still could have had a similar argument! maybe in this case, nancy notices the rat thing (or something else odd) herself when taking out the trash behind the mall, and she wants jonathan to ditch work with her to check it out bc she thinks it may be related to the lab. jonathan doesn’t want to ditch work because he needs his job, nancy argues that they’re working shitty mall jobs anyway and who cares if they get fired, and we get more or less the same thing as s3 without the cartoonishly over-the-top misogyny. i mean honestly i think the rat shit could have been cut entirely it didn’t rly... accomplish much of anything. in my opinion. like imagine s3 without the rat plot you literally would not be missing anything except it would be more surprising when the dudes melted into goo at the hospital. so yeah i think it would have been better if nancy and jonathan had jobs at the mall, weren’t isolated from everybody else, and were maybe absorbed into the party’s plot or the scoops troop’s plot from very early on, allowing them to interact with more characters and have a less... dumb.... plot. like god splitting up nancy and jonathan between the party/scoops troop would have been So Much better i just. sdkjcnksdmn anyway yeah.

briefness of group reunion/separation of groups

remember in s2 at the beginning of “the gate,” where mike and hopper had a confrontation and max and el met for the first time and el hugged everyone and steve and nancy had their sad little moment together outside... where’s that energy? obviously the s2 reunion wasn’t that long either, but it made space for some significant emotional moments to take place. s3′s reunion had some hopper/el/mike resolution, but besides that... there was nothing, really. i just think that the whole group getting together in s3 was SO exciting and powerful the way they did it (with both the scoops troop and the adults having their own Big Moment reconnecting with team griswold family), but the emotional potential was more or less squandered. 

i also think in s3 at times they were really stretching to keep everybody separated even though it made no sense. and like... in s1 the separation worked bc nobody else knew that (x group) was experiencing weird shit too, and beyond that, each group (as i mentioned in the s1 section) was sort of operating within their own genre and bringing something unique to the season. they’ve stopped doing that though! now, the groups aren’t separate bc each plot is tonally/structurally different, the groups are just separate bc... they need to be, because it’s a big ensemble cast and you can’t just have them all be together for a whole season or it would be way too difficult to coordinate things and keep the show dynamic. all this is to say that i’m excited for s4 because the location differences make it so there’s a Reason for each plot to be separate at the beginning, and i think that’ll work better.

general ridiculousness

i dont mean like i think it’s bad that they made jokes this is just me lumping in all the dumb shit like hopper not worrying about el and not wanting to check on the kids, him and joyce bickering long after they both know they and their children are in danger, max seemingly forgetting that billy is a racist abuser, etc etc. i think many of these are just a symptom of the show 1. trying desperately to keep the groups split up a certain way even though it may not make any sense, and 2. trying to fit into a certain genre/trope mold when their actual characters are more complex than the tropes they’re imitating. this is so fucking long already i am not gonna elaborate further rn but i trust u all know what i mean.

soooo... yeah, that’s about all! i mean it’s not all there are definitely many more things i could talk about and i know i focused sorta disproportionately on the teens which is my bad :/ but i’m done for now. thank you for asking, and apologies for the delay in responding!! i’m sure some people reading (if anyone read this far) will disagree with some of what i’ve said and that’s alright like i’m not The Authority on st or anything i’m just trying to talk about like my own thoughts yknow? so yeah luv u all i hope someone enjoyed reading this!!

[mallowstep]

I just thought about this

Do you think the Clan cats might ever have some form of PTSD from eather witnessing another cats death in any form like in battle or another disaster or even killing another cat themselves

I really do want to expand on this

okay matthew from the end of this post here it turns out i have a lot of thoughts and talked for like, almost 2k words about this. sorry. there's a tldr at the end.

hmmmmm

my official answer is, "sure, anything is possible, especially if you want to explore that."

my more rambly answer is...kind of.

we're just going to jump straight in with serious cat talk here, but cats? those mofos are killing machines. they are highly efficient hunters. kind of like people and creating things.

on the other hand, cats are also huge cowards who don't like to fight. hence cat and mouse: the cat doesn't want to go in for the kill unless they're sure they can execute it.

i like to think of them as a very krav maga idea: "we don't fight unless we absolutely have to, but once we go in, we go all in."

so...on one hand, "do cats experience ptsd from killing each other?" feels kind of like asking, "do humans experience ptsd from making things?", and yet, that's clearly extremely reductive.

it's also worth talking about what ptsd is. it's easy to think of ptsd as equivalent to trauma, but it's not.

trauma is, well, traumatic events, ptsd is one possible response. most people who experience trauma do not develop ptsd.

(there's also c-ptsd, but i'm getting to that.)

ptsd is, basically, an overactive adrenaline response, basically. it can look similar to depression and anxiety, but it's not the same. things like flashbacks and triggers are not exclusive to ptsd, or even any specific mental illness. it's normal to experience ptsd-like symptoms after a traumatic event. that's a traumatic response.

ptsd is, instead, the unhealthy extension of that, in time, and possibly severity.

before i go any farther, i just want to say, this is not to say you need to have ptsd to have trauma, that you can't have ptsd/trauma if XYZ, etc., so please, give me the benefit of the doubt here. it's always tricky to word these things in a way that is both clear about what i mean and not harming people.

mental illness is always a tricky subject. trying to fit a sum of many symptoms into boxes will never work, but i am going to lean on it as a tool to categorize and discuss experiences in a general sense.

i also want to mention c-ptsd, or "complex post-traumatic stress disorder." this is a debated diagnosis, in that where it fits into mental illness boxes is argued and it's yet to be included in the dsm, but for now, it's sufficient to think of it as ptsd's fraternal twin.

c-ptsd develops when trauma is prolonged, and there's little/no chance of escape. think kidnappings and child abuse.

it shares a lot of symptoms with ptsd, but it has its own unique cluster of symptoms, especially surrounding relationship issues.

right. we can rule that off for things cats typically experience from battle. but i still want to talk about it.

but ptsd is in reference to human reactions to trauma, which is fine! all warrior cats are at least a little anthropomorphised, or it wouldn't be fun to read about.

okay, before i lose the thread, circling back to my point, the conditions for ptsd are a prolonged response to a traumatic event. i, personally, don't think that your everyday warrior is going to experience this. some amount of battle is normal for cats, yeah?

but i do think ptsd/ptsd-like conditions are quite possible. i'm going to move into a discussion of various characters, now, and i'll put that under a read more.

okay, let's examine a few different cats, starting with mudfur.

why mudfur? because he chooses to be a medicine cat specifically because the battles of being a warrior are too much for him. does this mean he's experiencing ptsd? no, i don't think so. we never see any indication of him having flashbacks or hypervigilance. mind, i have

okay sorry you uh

i took a break to read mothwing's secret

see i've been putting it off bc i knew it was going to make me feel things and lord it did

phew

well i was going to talk about mothwing but first, back to mudfur

i can now confirm that we don't see any evidence of ptsd in him. trauma, maybe, but not ptsd.

which...checks.

next cat, ivypool.

but my ivypool, not canon ivypool, because i gave ivypool ptsd.

if you haven't read it, hedera helix is my canon compliant ivypool series, and you can get the Deets there, but i think "fair is the night" is the piece to focus on here. specifically,

The dark is the same, and the heat, and the way she slinks through the shadows, trying not to take notice. The way every pawstep is echoingly loud, and how she can't catch her breath or find her thoughts over the noise. All that's missing is.

Him.

Maybe Ivypool does still dream.

She hisses, her belt bristling, tail lashing, and raises her paw, claws extended.

what's going on here is that she mistakes tigerheart for hawkfrost.

yes, she has ptsd.

she also has c-ptsd in my writing, but i don't want to talk about this at the moment, because ivypool is complex, and i don't feel like bringing dovewing into this. but no, this is her having ptsd from her (dark forest) mentor trying to kill her. a cat she, at least on some level, trusted turning on her and attempting to kill her.

so for ivypool, it's the unexpected that traumatizes her.

which i think makes sense: cats don't generally expect to be attacked by those they trust. which leads me into...

character three: bluestar.

now, bluestar is complex because of the dementia, but i think it's pretty easy to say: tigerclaw (a cat she trusts) betrays her, she gets hypervigilant and stops trusting people.

i'm deliberately going short on this because i'm at almost a thousand words and uh,, i just want to talk about mothwing.

mothwing. my baby. my beloved. my beautiful.

fuuuuck okay so i should not have read mothwing's secret because this is going to turn into me writing mostly about that, but i actually knew 90% of what was contained in it through moonkitti videos + doing research for various mothwing related projects.

i think the only thing i learned was the moonkitti scene about bees is actually completely canonical, as written, and that it was possible for me to love mothwing more than i already do.

usually, i'd want to also talk about willowshine, but i'm going to keep my focus on mothwing. willow my love is going to come up, but i'm keeping my focus tight.

mothwing! onto my purpose: mothwing and c-ptsd and religious trauma.

she will get her own essay i have a document titled "mothwing and religious trauma" but with trope-bingo i've been writing the essays less, so bear with me.

anyway. i'm not waffling, i'm just trying to set up a good starting point so i don't ramble past the purpose. and i think...the scene with mudfur and mothwing near the end is what i'm honing in on. (spoilers, duh, but also, you don't need to have read it.)

so mudfur comes to mothwing after the battle, and she turns him away. he doesn't understand, but i do.

religion has been used against mothwing her entire life. her clan used it (inadvertently) to keep her from her purpose, hawkfrost used it to maintain his control over her, and mistystar used it to again keep her from her purpose and passion. (and yes, i have strong feelings about what this does to willowshine, but i'm trying to stay on-topic.)

and then, the first tangible proof she has of starclan is the dark forest. and her brother. attacking the nursery. and her.

and then mudfur has the audacity to say, "yeah sorry we don't know anything! but like why are you still rejecting us?"

(makes me want to rewrite the ending of "if you love me any, let me know it now" actually, i'm angry. not going to, but i want to.)

adfskjl mothwing is my new purpose for existing. i may actually consider changing my blog title from "in this house we lovewing dovewing" to something mothwing themed. i love her. expect a mothwing focus sometime soon-ish.

right, so, i don't think mothwing's perspective needs to be explained here. but...she is very self-aware of her position. she struggles with it. she doesn't want to talk to willowshine about her beliefs — she's grateful when willowpaw just accepts it and doesn't discuss it with her.

mothwing as a character has always been appealing to me. but. again, trying to keep focused, her brother is manipulative and cruel.

(i'm not saying abusive because i don't know if he really is. i'd want to do a proper analysis for that, not just ramble in a blank document for a while. he's toxic, but i try to reserve abusive for abusive characters. i think he is, but i don't know how i would defend that, ergo, i'm avoiding it for now.)

just. her whole life.

she spends a long time trusting others, looking to starclan for answer and salvation, and it keeps letting her down, and others keep using it against her, like a weapon. there's a lot to mothwing, but i'm really trying to stay on topic.

before i get to my closing arguments, some honorable mentions for characters i didn't talk about, but could have:

squirrelflight

feathertail, stormfur, and mistyfoot

dovewing

briarlight. okay she's such a good honorable mention i just have to explore this for a second, but the scene in bramblestar's storm where she's afraid of falling trees is good. i don't know, she seems fairly functional, but she's definitely not "over it."

anyone captured by twolegs.

tawnypelt

bramblestar. before you gasp, he too trained in the dark forest and was manipulated by hawkfrost and tigerstar.

probably a lot more.

so anyway, if you hung around for nearly 2k words to listen to me talk about cat trauma, here's my closing statement:

i think ptsd in clan cats is definitely going to be a thing, but i think, more often than not, it's not going to come from the battle. we looked at several examples where the incident happened during a battle, but i think it's the betrayal that's more shocking than the actual fighting.

i didn't address ptsd from cats killing each other, other than mudfur, and that's...frankly that's because i don't know. it is very hard for me to sympathize with those characters long enough to think critically about it.

like, i can write villain pov, but i don't think i can actually say, "what if XYZ feels bad for killing someone?" even if i was going to write about like, firestar killing scourge, i don't think i could.

not in this context, anyway.

similarly, i think a lot of what we'll see is trauma. cats are already extremely vigilant, and while it's possible to get hypervigilant cats, i'm not sure how often it's going to come out. cats are good at hiding physical pain, ipso facto, i imagine they're good at hiding emotional pain.

which isn't to say that they...you know what? you know what? if you want to come argue with me about human ptsd, you can do that on my main. but i'm talking about cats, and i say that they probably don't experience ptsd because they probably shove away a lot of the external symptoms, and that's mostly how we identify ptsd. this is not an end-all be-all, nor does it apply to people, but i don't know how to begin couching this, and i'm tired.

alright, well...

tl/dr: yes, trauma and maybe ptsd occur in clan cats, but i think it's more likely to be from betrayal than fighting.

dkjl this was a lot if u have follow up qs or just wanna discuss this my ask box is open! <3

[antiloquist]

With Passion and Fervor

Lord help me, I’m back on my bullshit.

Hildibrand/female Viera Warrior of Light. Rated E. CW for heat cycles.

Summary: The Warrior of Light gets hit with an unexpected heat at what might be the worst time possible. The only person there to help her? Agent of Inquiry Extraordinaire, Hildibrand Manderville! It would probably be far less embarrassing if she didn't have a huge crush on him.

(Spice under the cut!)

You really shouldn’t have ignored the warning signs. The slight vertigo, the sudden full-body sensitivity, the hot flashes… they were all signs that your heat was bearing down on you. Foolishly, you’d simply figured you were coming down with something and decided to take it easy in Kugane for a few days to recover. But no… it couldn’t be this early, could it? You’d just had your last one a few months ago, which you’d managed to tamp down with the usual suppressants as you knew it was coming. But this time, you’d had nothing to curb it with and once it was in full swing, it was too late anyway. Maybe it was the stress of everything you’d been through over the past few months, running back and forth between Ala Mhigo and Doma for this and that. When things finally slowed down, when you finally had a chance to catch up with your friends that you had outside your circle as the Warrior of Light… boom. It had also picked the worst possible time to hit you. That time just happened to be in the middle of the day, right near the busy streets of Kugane, while you were walking with (of all people) your good friend Hildibrand. The two of you were investigating the possible merits of the recently captured Kugane Wolf Burglar when suddenly everything got far too intense for your liking. That was, it was suddenly too warm, too loud, too… smelly. Not to mention that deep inside you you had an ache you couldn’t deny. No, you were far past denial. You were in the middle of a raging heat in public. Twelve take you. You hit the ground before you even realized you were falling, sounds and sights a blur around you. For a moment, you laid on the pavement, spinning and aching. You were burning up, burning to a crisp. Hells, you’d take fighting Ifrit again over this. It was too hot and you were wearing too much and- Faintly you were aware of someone calling your name. You cracked open one eye to see a very concerned Hildibrand, crouched right above you. (Looming, powerful, ready to take-) “My friend!” he exclaimed when he saw that you were finally looking at him. “Are you alright? You suddenly collapsed!” Before you could respond, Hildibrand had whipped off one of his gloves and was pressing a bare hand to your forehead. The contact felt as if Ramuh himself had come down upon you with a Shock Strike, and you moaned softly. “Oh dear, this is not good at all! You’re burning up!” “H-Hildy…” you replied weakly, trying to sit up. When the act of moving made you dizzy all over again, you gave up, flopping back down and hoping the pavement would swallow you whole. This had gone far beyond embarrassing; this was downright mortifying. It was fortunate, at least, that you’d chosen a relatively quiet side street to collapse upon. The last thing you needed was a crowd of onlookers surrounding you. You turned to the side, curling up in a ball and shuddering as the feel of concrete against your skin was multiplied by your condition. “We must get you assistance immediately!” You nodded hazily. Yes, assistance. Assistance in the form of a strong mate to take you and take care of you was what you needed. Wait. No. You were in public, you couldn’t lose yourself here. “I-I need…” Thoughts were hard to come by, your mind swimming. You took a deep breath in through your mouth, careful not to breathe in the scent of everyone around you. “I just need to rest, Hildy. Give me a moment and I can get up and get back to the inn.” Hildibrand shook his head. “Nonsense! I shall carry you there myself!” “Wait, n-“ Any potential response was cut off by Hildibrand scooping you up into his arms bridal style. The shock of it combined by the disorientation of being moved so suddenly caused you to inhale in a gasp. The most prominent scent near you was, of course, Hildibrand. He gave off a powerful musk that was normally undetectable. During your heat, however, it was all you could perceive. Up until your collapse, it had been distracting but manageable. Now it was overwhelming. You groaned as Hildibrand cradled you against his chest. He felt so solid, so strong- “Yes, I know, you are capable of caring for yourself. You have told me this many times! However, I cannot in good conscience leave you to battle this illness alone on the streets of Kugane! What kind of gentleman would leave his comrade in such a state?” It seemed he’d mistaken your vocalization of lust for one of frustration. That… was probably for the better, as the last thing you wanted right now is for him to know in what manner he was currently occupying your thoughts. Hildibrand started off towards the inn at a brisk pace, taking care not to jostle you as he did. You buried your head in his chest so that the motion blur of people around you wouldn’t make you sick. Of course, this just made your scent problem worse. Lesser of two evils, you supposed.

By the time he’d gotten you up to your room door, you barely had the brainpower to undo the lock. Instead, you were consumed by thoughts of what it would be like for the man currently carrying you to pin you to the mattress and- “On the bed?” Yes, on the bed, over the table, against the wall- Wait. That wasn’t what he meant. “Yes, please,” you gasped. Hildibrand deposited you (somewhat unceremoniously) on the bed, and the soft surface was a welcome feel against your sensitive, overheated skin. He then stood over you, contemplating his next steps. (Again with the looming-) “Hildy…” Gods, he was so tall, and he looked so powerful standing above you like this. It would be so easy for him to just move forward and pin you down and- “Is there aught I can do for you, my friend?” You clamped your mouth shut before you could reply ‘breed me’. Instead, you took another deep breath through your mouth before you started talking. “I think all I need is some rest and-“ “Ah, I know! I shall procure you some soup! Mother dearest always did the same for me during my boyhood illnesses, and now I shall do so for you!” He gave you his signature flex and grin, and the heart flutter it usually incited in you was amplified to a full on shiver of desire. Hildibrand, of course, misinterpreted this. “My word, why didn’t you say you were cold!?” Before you could protest, he had shed his jacket and placed it gently on top of you. “There, that should help! Now where was I? Ah yes, soup! I shall procure you the heartiest of broths at once!” And just like that, he was off. Classic Hildibrand. You looked down at the jacket he had given you. It was only a few days old, his last one having been shredded in pursuit of the Kugane Wolf Burglar. Nonetheless, it had had plenty of time to accrue his scent, and he’d left it here with you... Oh gods, you couldn’t. That would be so weird! But you were aching so badly… In a flash, you’d stripped off your clothing. The feel of the soft sheets against you was like a gentle caress, and you moaned. You pressed your nose to the collar of Hildibrand’s jacket and inhaled, your head falling back with near delirium at the strong musk that lingered on the article of clothing. You’d always liked him. How could you not? He was such a kind and valiant man, giving his all to help others and expecting nothing in return. He was selfless and determined and everything you aspired to be. Despite the world seeming at odds with him on a daily basis, he faced every challenge with a flex and a smile. He treated everyone equally, even you who had felled gods and liberated nations. You were never the ‘Warrior of Light’ to dear Hildibrand, you were just… you. He was merely happy to have you along for the ride as a friend and confidant. Never once did he think of you as simply an asset or a weapon. And you loved that, you missed it when he wasn’t there. And that was just his personality. It didn’t hurt that he was also a very handsome man. It was easy for some to overlook, given his penchant for making silly expressions, but you never forgot it for a second. Tall, well-dressed, well-groomed (save for the odd explosion or other mishap)... gods, what a catch. With one hand pressing the fabric of Hildibrand’s jacket firmly to your nose, you slowly snaked the other down your body, each brush of your fingertips leaving a flame trail of sensation in its wake. Would that it could be his hand instead of yours. He’d always had such nice, big hands. Without hesitation, you slid two fingers inside yourself, meeting absolutely zero resistance. You were sure you were already making a mess of your sheets but that was something you would worry about later. Right now you needed to relieve this ache before it drove you mad. As you tended to yourself, you imagined Hildibrand standing above you, his russet eyes wide with lust and interest as he watched. What would he do? Would he lay his hands upon you at your request? Or would he be too bashful to do so? You could see it going either way. You’d seen him in (innocent) action, though, and gods, he was so strong… It would be so easy for him to move you this way and that as he took his pleasure and took care of yours. You envisioned him above you, pinning your wrists to the mattress as he roughly took you, heated kisses swallowing your cries of pleasure. But that really wasn’t his style, was it? Hildibrand was a lover, not a fighter. He frequently talked about how he eschewed roughness and violence and you figured that would likely extend to the bedroom as well. Would he take his time with you, then? Would he savor each caress, each curve of your body? As you inserted a third finger, you could almost feel the touch of his hands as they traced your form with reverence. Yes, he would be a gentleman throughout, wouldn’t he? You let a moan of his name slip from between your lips as you imagined his own slowly traveling down your body, planting heated kisses all over. He could still manhandle you as much as he wanted, of course. You wanted him to put that godlike strength of his to good use. In your mind’s eye, you could see the muscles in his arms flexing as he picked you up to carry you gods-know-where for a round whose number you’d long lost track of. “Hildy… Hildy,  please…” Finger number four made its entrance as you sped up your pace, pumping in and out and wishing all the while it was his thick cock instead. Your thumb worked at your clit as salacious wet sounds filled the room. Oh yes, you were close. This wouldn’t sate you, of course, but it would allow you a few scant moments of rest before your biology riled you up once more. You took in another deep breath of his scent as you imagined him flipping you onto your stomach and taking you from behind. The force would be enough to make the bedframe knock against the wall, and there wouldn’t be a soul in this inn that didn’t know what you were up to. “Hildy… I need you, Hildy… please, take me…” You imagined him finishing inside you, filling you to the brim with seed that was sure to take and grow and provide you with what your body so desperately craved. (Never mind that you were still under the effects of a long-term contraception spell you had refreshed every so often) Not only was he a strong mate, he would be a caring one too. You knew he’d pamper you through every step of what was inevitably to come of your coupling. Maybe that’s what attracted you to him, the promise of being treated well. As you neared your peak, your cries became louder and higher in pitch. You were being noisy but at this point you were far from caring, the only thing on your mind being the promise of temporary relief. “Hildyhildyhildyhildy please-“ And then there was a crash. The crash was both you toppling over your peak as well as an actual physical crash complete with a sound and all. Orgasm completed but ruined, you yanked your fingers out of yourself as you jerked back out of surprise. You removed Hildibrand’s jacket from your face and pulled yourself up into a sitting position to see no other than the man himself, standing among the ruins of what looked to be a soup tray with a hand clapped firmly over his eyes. Well, you were fucked, and not in the way you wanted to be. There was no way you were going to convince him this wasn’t what it looked like. In your temporary post-orgasm clarity, the mortification over what you had done finally began to set in. How loud had you been? He must have heard you, there was no way he didn’t. “Hildib-“ “My deepest, sincerest apologies!” he exclaimed, catching you off guard. Wait, what? He’d caught you using his jacket for untoward things and yet he was the one apologizing? You blinked at him for a moment. “Uh…” “If I had known you were taking some personal time, I would never have entered! I knocked but I thought you said..." He shook his head. "Do forgive me for such a horrid intrusion upon your privacy! I shall take my leave at once!” Hand still covering his eyes, he turned and fumbled for the door handle. If you let him go now then things would be awkward between you two for the rest of forever, if he could even look you in the eye ever again. “Wait! Hildy. Please… wait. I need to explain something to you.” To your surprise, he stopped. “I… I am listening, my dear lady.” He swallowed heavily, lump in his throat bobbing as he did so. You cursed yourself over how transfixed you were on it. You pulled the bedsheet so that it was at least over your lap and slipped the jacket on to cover your chest. His scent was now cloyingly close but you were able to push it to the back of your mind for the time being. “You can open your eyes.” He did so but only spared you a glance before averting his eyes again with a hearty blush. At least he kept them uncovered this time. He noticed a chair nearby and went to sit in it. You noticed he spread his legs wider than usual upon doing so and decided to stray your eyes away from the area lest your clarity of mind become short-lived. He sighed deeply, and you wondered what was going through that mind of his. “H-how familiar are you with Viera biology, Hildibrand?” “Not at all, I’ll admit. You are the first one I have ever met. Apologies once more for my faux pas upon our first meeting!” You chuckled softly as you remember how he’d complimented you on the craftsmanship of your ears on the way back through the Sagolii after returning him to his senses. The look of shock on his face when you informed him that they were your actual ears was priceless. “Water under the bridge.” You thought for a moment. “Okay... Are you familiar with Miqo’te biology, then?” This was more likely to have an affirmative answer, considering his best friend and most astute assistant was one. She must have told him a thing or two here or there. The two were far from the same, of course, but the principle you were applying was similar enough that comparisons could be drawn. There was a beat of silence, and you could practically hear the proverbial cogs in his brain whirring. “There were a few paragraphs in one of the textbooks I read in my childhood schooling. I must admit.. though my powers of deduction are strong indeed, I haven’t the foggiest what this would have to do with your sudden illne-“ “I’m in heat, Hildy!” you exclaimed, cutting to the chase. His eyes widened with understanding, and you breathed a sigh of relief upon realizing that he at least had been told about the birds and the bees at some point. (With Hildy, there was always that possibility that he hadn’t.) “Ah.” He coughed awkwardly. “So then… you would be feeling an intense desire to-“ "Yes.” The heat on your face was more from embarrassment than any lingering lust at this point. You wondered how much time you had left before another wave hit you. Hildibrand frowned, standing from his chair and beginning to pace. “Naturally occurring, I assume?” You nodded. “Very well, I do believe that solves the mystery of your mysterious ailment! There is one thing, however, that escapes me.” “What’s that?” “How did you know I was standing outside your door with soup? I heard you calling to me.” You blinked, unsure if he was joking or not. Surely he realized that you were- Well, this was Hildibrand after all. He was brilliant in some places and completely stupid in others. “Uh, I didn’t. I was, uh… I was actually…” Oh gods, were you going to have to spell out to this dense man that you were getting yourself off to the thought of him? (Probably) “You were…” “Thinking about you, Hildy! I was thinking about you, while I was…” Thankfully he didn’t need any elaboration from there judging by the way his practically non-existent eyebrows shot up to his hairline and his jaw dropped. You hung your head in shame. He probably thought you were a degenerate or something, and the thought of having earned the disdain of a man who thought so highly of most everyone was- He cleared his throat. “Well! I must certainly say I am surprised!” he finally said. “And somewhat flattered.” “Y-you aren’t angry” “Angry? Nonsense!” he replied with a shake of his head. “In fact, I apologize if I have caused you undue suffering due to my proximity!” You weren’t sure you followed. “Suffering…" “Why, yes! Considering you’ve spent the past few days with me and almost no one else, er, compatible, it stands to reason that you would pick me to, to, er…” It seems he was just as embarrassed about this as you were. Maybe this was something you could laugh about later. “And I must admit I myself have been feeling rather distracted as of late, and thinking more often than usual about-“ He stopped himself. “Er, that bit isn’t important!” Oh, he must have picked up on the mating pheromones you’d been unconsciously secreting. The purpose of those was to attract a suitable mate and therefore they adjusted to what was needed to bring a specific one in. And that meant that your biology had indeed latched onto the idea of copulating with the man who stood right in front of you, pacing. You felt a prickle of heat travel down your spine. Uh-oh. It looked like another wave was approaching. You had to get him out of here before you embarrassed yourself further. “Is there a… a treatment?” he asked, blushing further. “Er! I mean a-a potion, perhaps, that I could acquire for you at the market?” He clarified that last bit a touch too quickly for your liking, and you frowned at the implication that he was repulsed by all of this. The mortification mixed with the creeping heat threatened to overwhelm you once more, but you managed to keep it back for now. “Not once it’s started, no. Before, yes, there are things to suppress it, but it’s… too late now. I’ve got no choice but to, uh, endure it.” You were about to say ‘ride it out’, but that conjured up mental images of you riding something else entirely, something attached to a certain inspector. Hildibrand, true to form, was pondering away about how to help you despite his personal bashfulness. He continued to be as sweet and selfless as could be despite the touchy subject matter. (It wasn’t helping curb your desire for him. In fact, it was making it worse.) “Alright then, is there any way to make it less… unbearable? Clearly, you are in agony!” Oh. He’d asked the question you’d been dreading. There was indeed one way to alleviate the discomfort, but that would involve… “Uh. One way. But you probably won’t like it.” “I am open to suggestions! I could not in good conscience leave you like this.” You shook your head. “One of the ways to help a heat is to… fulfill it. And it’s best done by… the person chosen by the heat-bearer.” He blinked, turning redder than a Tomato Knight. “Ah. I see. Indeed.” He paced faster. “So in your case, that would be…” “You, yes.” You wanted to pull the sheets up over your head and hide for a good hundred years. “See, I told you you wouldn’t like it.” “That is most certainly untrue! I would find such a prospect to be most enti-“ It seems he’s realized what he’s said, and he clamps a hand over his mouth. So there was a chance. That was all you parsed out of what he’d just said. The desire trickling back into your core turned into a roiling boil at this point. “Y-you would?” “Er, that is, I meant to say… I could never!” Oh. And suddenly there was a layer of ice cold water poured on top of that roaring fire. “N-no?” Hiding in the sheets sounded better and better by the second. “O-of course not! You clearly are not in your right mind, your decisions clouded by your condition! I could never take advantage of you like that!” Oh? That was his problem? Did he seriously not realize that for the past few years, you had been- “I’ve always liked you, Hildy!” you blurted out. It was now or never, and there would never be a better opportunity to confess your feelings. It was his turn to blink in confusion. “Truly?” You nodded, hands each taking a fistful of sheet in front of you and balling up to give you the courage to push through your mortification. “Yes, since the day we met pretty much. H-how could I not? You’re so sweet and selfless and you never let anything get you down!” You buried your face in the balled sheet and tried not to wallow in how hopeless this was. Hildibrand just stood there for a moment, contemplating. “I never knew you felt that way about me.” “I thought I made it pretty obvious,” you said, peeking up at him. This was indeed true; you flirted with him very frequently and always made it a point to be touchy-feely and affectionate. It, of course, all went right over his head. “I was told frequently from a young age to never read too much into a woman’s kindness. My mother was insistent I learn that to prevent any social mishaps. I know that simply because a lady is kind does not necessarily mean she’s interested.” You nodded, conceding that that was indeed a fair point. “And your mother is a smart woman, I know. She’s right. Most times people are nice to be nice, or because they have to be because of something or another.” You pulled the sheet back down to look at him fully. “But me, I… I’m definitely interested!”

It was Hildibrand’s turn to look bashful. “I… I have always thought you were rather lovely…” Your heart skipped a beat. “Y-you’ve never said anything.” “Of course not! After what you did to that one Brass Blade when we were in Costa del Sol, I figured it quite prudent to keep my opinions quiet!” Oh yeah, you remembered that. After the man in question had grabbed your arse, you’d delivered him an ass-kicking so potent he’d needed to see a healer. “He shoulda watched his hands…” you muttered. “I quite agree, though as you know I eschew violence…” He coughed awkwardly again. “Anyway! What I am trying to say is that I know better than to make unsolicited advances on someone!” You sighed. This man was so dense. “T-this wouldn’t be unsolicited, Hildy…” “I-I suppose not, no…” “I want you. I need you.” You let the waves of heat you’d been holding back wash over you once more, and you bit your lip as you let your eyes wash over his form. Without his jacket, you could easily see the muscular forearms he possessed, left bare by the rolled-up sleeves of his dress shirt. As always, his undestroyed clothing was impeccably pressed, from the center of his bowtie down to the creases in his slacks. (Slacks that were, you now realized, looking unusually tight around the groin area) You licked your lips as you took him in, and you could see his face grow redder by the second. “F-far be it from me to deny you the relief you so desperately need,” he said. “You can say no, I promise. If you’re not comfortable with it, I don’t want to make you.” He shook his head. “I… I do apologize for my brazenness but I very much want to! I simply… never imagined it happening this way.” You tilted your head at him. “What did you imagine, Hildy?” “A lengthy, proper courtship! With dates and conversation and the wooing you so verily deserve!” “Hildy…” you said, breaking out into a fit of giggles. “Life’s too short for that sort of thing.” Well, too short for him. As a Viera, you still had many years to go, but he didn’t need to know that. He wrung his hands. “I must warn you… I don’t have much in the form of experience… well, that is to say, hands-on experience! I’ve read about this plenty from… novels.” Ah, so he had a guilty pleasure after all. “That’s okay. I can show you what to do if you’d like?” You were about two seconds away from throwing the sheet off your lap, you were overheating so much. He nodded, taking a step towards you. Your breath hitched in your throat as he fully turned his attention to you for the first time since he entered the room. “May I… may I gaze upon you, my lady?” he asked, clearing his throat. He tugged at his bowtie with one hand to loosen it while he took off his monocle with the other. His monocle as well as his gloves found their way on top of the chest of drawers behind him. He did not undress further than that. “Yes, of course!” You wanted to expedite this, so you tossed aside the sheet you’d been using for modesty’s sake, leaving his jacket as the only cover that sat between your bare form and Hildibrand’s russet eyes. His eyes immediately shot to your legs before quickly looking away. He then looked back when he remembered you’d given him permission to do so. “You’re stunning…” he murmured, taking another step forward. “You’re quite the looker yourself,” you shot back, using all your willpower to stop yourself from just jumping him. He swallowed thickly, taking yet another step that put him at the foot of your bed. You reflexively spread your legs for him. “Ah, first let me, er…” he made a conflicted face. “I would very much like to at least kiss you first!” You snickered, lifting a hand and crooking a finger at him in a ‘come hither’ motion. “Then do it, oh brave and valiant inspector.” As if under a spell, he did so, kicking off his shoes as he crawled onto the bed. You reached for him and your lips met in a heated kiss. He wasn’t as bad a kisser as you had feared. Maybe he’d had some practice somewhere. You pushed that thought to the back of your mind to prevent jealousy from springing forth, opting instead to deepen the kiss. It was everything you had wanted and more. With this, the floodgates burst open and all the passion you’d held for him came bursting forth. You nibbled his lip and slipped in a bit of tongue as your hands wandered down to explore his muscled chest. He groaned softly as you did so, the first noise of pleasure he’d given this whole time. The reciprocation spurred you onward and you grabbed at his shirt and pulled. Hildibrand gasped as suddenly buttons flew here and there, some clattering against the hardwood floor. He moved back just a little to assess the damage. It seemed you’d torn every button off his shirt in a fit of passionate strength. You covered your mouth with your hand, utterly embarrassed. “Oh Twelve, I am so sorry, Hildy!” Instead of being upset, however, he merely chuckled and shook his head. “Not to worry, my dear! I have many replacements.” With all the times you’d seen his clothing get ripped and torn and dirtied, this tracked. You couldn’t help but laugh along too. At the beginning, you’d been worried this would be awkward and stiff, but being with Hildibrand just felt so right. Your heart fluttered as you pulled him in for another kiss. When you next broke for air, you moved to shrug off his jacket and were a little surprised when he stopped you. “Ah, I was wondering if perhaps I could make a request?” He was incredibly bashful already, as if he were expecting you to refuse without even hearing him out. Instead of refusing, however, you tilted your head at him. “I’m all ears,” you joked, gesturing to your long ones. He laughed, feeling a little more at ease. “Ah, well! I was wondering if perhaps…” He flushed deeper. “Perhaps you could keep that on while we, ah… while we…” Oh, he was feeling a little possessive. You couldn’t help but moan softly as another wave of heat and lust rolled through you. The noise brought out one of his own, and you saw his blush travel from his face down his neck and settle in his chest. You followed it down, carding through the light dusting of brown hair he possessed. “Gladly,” you purred. He let you explore as you pleased, leaning back a little to give you better access. Under your fingertips, you could feel his racing heart, and you were sure yours was beating in time. “Is that what you want, Hildy?” you teased. When he looked at you quizzically you merely smirked. “Do you want to claim me as yours using your jacket? Mmm, that’s a little forward, don’t you think?” Hildibrand looked conflicted. “I-I would never purport to own you, my dear! You are your own person who-“ You placed a finger to his lips to silence his nervous rambling. “Relax, I’m just teasing you a little. I’m more than happy to wear this for you. In fact…” You bit your lip, wondering if you should confess this so readily. “It’s something I’ve definitely fantasized about before…” It was now your turn to be flustered. Hildibrand, however, was determined to outdo you, it seemed. “Ah, I see! That is…  that’s rather… I must say that is rather flattering!” You could probably reach out and physically shut Hildibrand’s jaw, he seemed so surprised. “Don’t act so shocked, Hildy,” you said with a giggle. “I’m sure you have more fans than you realize.” You leaned closer. “And besides… you can claim me any which way you want.” You nibbled his earlobe. This seemed to spur a reaction in him, as he turned and kissed you deeply. Yes, there was the power you knew he could display. His hands came to rest on your hips, politely awaiting instruction. “How would… how did you want to...” he tried to ask when you broke for air. Grinning, you turned so that your back was facing him, your rear up in the air. Doubtless he could see how soaked and desperate you were for him. “Take me, Hildy.” You wiggled at him for emphasis. (To your relief he did not ask you where you wanted him to take you.) “Ah, yes, let me just…” You could hear him fumbling with the fasteners on his slacks. When he audibly breathed a sigh of relief, you looked back to see he’d undone them enough to pull out- Well. That would be more than satisfying. And gods, he was thicker than you’d imagined. You wiggled even harder in anticipation of being filled. When he didn’t enter you immediately, you glanced back to make sure he was alright. “Hildy?” You weren’t sure you could take much more of this. “Are you certain about this, my dear? I know from my, er, research that consent is the most important part of any intimate encounter and-“ “Stop talking and fuck me before I go mad!” He did as he was told. With his large hands taking hold of your hips, he thrust forward with a surprising amount of force, burying himself to the hilt in you in one singular stroke. You practically screamed with relief as you felt him stretch you. Yes, this was exactly what you craved, what you needed. Relief and salvation were here and they had come in the form of the eccentric inspector you adored so much. “A-are you alright?” he called from behind you. Doubtless that had gone faster than he had intended and now he was concerned he’d hurt you. “Yes, I’m great, I’m wonderful, please move!” you urged, balling the sheets up in your hands once more. He did as he was told, slow and cautious. His hands on your hips tightened slightly, but not to bruising level. He was gentle, he was patient and utterly sweet. Ordinarily, this would be something you loved. But right now you needed more. “Hildy…” you whined. He paused, breath hitching in his throat. Clearly your cries affected him in some way. “Hildy, please, I need more…” You were this close to begging, but your pride wouldn’t let you break down just yet. You could practically feel the conflicting feelings of lust and hesitation dripping off of Hildibrand. “Are you su-" Growling, you slammed yourself back onto him, causing him to let out a low, pleasured groan. “Yes, I’m very sure. Now, are you going to fuck me into the mattress or am I going to have to do it myself?” This threw Hildibrand for a loop, causing him to sputter. The way you could feel him throb within you, however, told you he wasn’t averse to hearing it. “A-as you wish!” And so this time, he did. You were surprised at the sheer amount of force he put out with each thrust, but then again Hildibrand was never a man who did anything by half. With each thrust you blurted out something about how he was doing great, how wonderful it felt, how amazing he felt. Hildibrand seemed to thrive on praise, so you gave him all the praise he deserved, which was a lot.

The room soon filled with the lewd sounds of skin against skin. At your instruction (and about a dozen reassurances that no, he was not hurting you), you had Hildibrand pin you down to the mattress and take you roughly from above. He learned quickly how to use his weight to his advantage, dropping straight down to the hilt but catching himself before he could fully put his bulk on you. He was by far the largest you had taken in many years, and you knew you were most likely going to be very sore by the time this heat was over with. Was it worth it? Absolutely. You’d not felt bliss like this in ages. Previous heats were usually fulfilled with partners of convenience, those you’d had agreements with beforehand but had no true attachment to. But to be with someone you truly cared for? Nothing could compare. There was one more thing he could do for you, however… “H-Hildy… gods, I adore you, Hildy… Hildy, aah, please…” He slowed down just a touch, likely to gather enough brainpower to talk. “Y-yes?” You let go of the headboard with one hand and reached up to smooth your ears down so they were easier to reach. “P-pull my… my ears… gently…” It was an important part of a Viera mating ritual and something you were loath to disclose outside of intimate circles. A Viera’s ears were highly sensitive to touch, and oftentimes only mating pairs were allowed to touch one another’s ears.

(You had delivered many ass-kickings to numerous folks in Eorzea and surrounding areas who had thought it was okay to just reach up and cop a feel without asking.) This time he was willing to do so without confirming twenty times. He took one hand off the surface of the mattress where he was supporting himself and grabbed hold of your long ears with the other and pulled. The effect was instantaneous. If you hadn’t been close before, you were now. “Like this?” he asked, sounding close himself. He refused to squeeze them, but rather began stroking them softly as he tugged. Like he had been before with his thrusts, he was very gentle in this as well.

(This, you were perfectly okay with, as you weren't very keen on having your ears permanently stretched by any sudden feats of strength) “Y-yes, just like that!” He hit a very sensitive spot deep inside you that caused you to gasp. “H-Hildy, I’m going to…” You clenched hard around him in an attempt to savor the sensation. A deep groan was your only response as you felt him shudder above you. In that moment you knew you were being filled just how you wanted and that was enough to send you toppling over the edge, screaming his name. Your legs gave out and you collapsed, boneless, to the mattress below. Hildibrand followed suit, but at least had the good sense to roll slightly to the side. You whimpered at the loss of fullness as he pulled out of you to lay by your side. For a moment, there was nothing but you two and the afterglow. You laid there with him to catch your breath, your mind blissfully clear for the first time in a few days. It wouldn’t last, of course, but at least now you had someone to ride it out with. (Or on.) You were the first one to break the silence. “Are you doing alright, Hildy?” you asked, half expecting him to have fallen asleep by now. Instead of being asleep, however, he responded by reaching out an arm and pulling you close to him. His heart was still racing, but in a way that showed he was slowly calming. “I… I have never had an experience like that before in my life,” he admits. “How exhilarating!” You giggled. “I suppose that’s a good thing?” He nodded vigorously. “But more importantly! How are you feeling?” he shot back. You stretched out on the large bed, feeling the first ghosts of aches to come settling into your bones. “Amazing. More clear-headed than I’ve been since this mess started. Thank you, Hildy.” You kissed him on the cheek. “Happy to serve, my lady!” He gave you a twinkling grin which just made you giggle even more as you buried your face in his muscular chest, basking in his warmth. For a while, you laid there with him, drawing shapeless patterns on his bare skin. The heat would be back, but with Hildibrand’s efforts, it would be a few bells rather than a few moments before it became a problem again. As you were just starting to drift off, Hildibrand sat up suddenly, jerking you back to full awareness. “I almost forgot!” he exclaimed. “We must needs begin planning!” You blinked in confusion. “Huh? For the investigation?” He genuinely had you confused here. “For the wedding!” Okay, somewhere along the line you two must have had some sort of miscommunication. “W-wedding? What wedding?” Hildibrand looked at you incredulously. “Why, ours of course! If you are to be with child, we must be wed immediately!” You looked at him for a solid ten seconds before you burst out into laughter. This only confused the poor man more. “I fail to see the joke here. I am a man of commitment, my dear!” “Hildy…” you said after composing yourself. “You are sweet, so very sweet.” You took his hands in yours. “But there’s no marriage needed.” He didn’t quite seem to follow, and his confused expression just made you burst out into more giggles. “I have a spell done on me every few moons by a healer. It prevents… accidental conception but sadly doesn’t stop heats.” Hildibrand nods. “So this was more of a, uh…”

“Psychological heat, yes. Hurts just as bad even if it isn’t going to result in anything.” You made a face but the expression quickly softened. “I should have probably told you that first off. Sorry about that.” “I see. That is… a relief, actually! I don’t know the first thing about planning a wedding! And my mother would kill me!” You grinned, pressing your forehead into his. “She probably would.” “Nonetheless, I am very heartened to see that I was valiantly able to cure your condition!” Oh. He thought you were done. Oh-no…

“Actually… that was just one wave. A true fulfilled heat takes about… half a dozen waves to subside.”

“Because that increases the chances of…” He seemed to be getting it now. You nodded. “Exactly! So, even though that bit isn’t a factor, I would still need your, uh, help.” You smiled bashfully at him. “If you want to, of course!” “Of course I do! It would be horrid to leave you to suffer if I am the only one with the cure!” He blushed. “And besides… I… I very much enjoyed that!” “I enjoyed it too, Hildy,” you said, laughing as you pulled him in for another kiss. “Get some rest. It won’t come for a few hours yet.” You laid down and shut off the aetherial lamp. It was still daytime, but with the blinds shut it was dim enough for sleep. Hildibrand, however, was still sitting up, seemingly contemplating something. “Hildy?” you asked, cracking one eye open. “I suppose this is why Nashu told me she likely wouldn’t see me until tomorrow at the earliest…” Fuck. Of course she would know.

[lairofsentinel]

I love your BG3 analysis posts and wanted to get your insight into one of Gale's lines. On point 21 you discuss his 'doubt' lines. There's another line that I find similar / fitting: if the main char tells Gale they think their night together was a mistake then he says something like "Let me clear your mind of doubts: it absolutely wasn't." He doesn't discuss the 'why' of it - or express he's disappointed but accepts their choice. He tries to discourage that line of thinking outright. Thoughts?

Hey, hello! Thanks for reading those big posts. :D

[Baldur’s Gate 3 Early Access Spoilers]

For those who don't know what those numbers mean: [Gale in 27 points or more]

Yeah, in (21) I found curious that he just says "doubt is a spoilsport" in another desperate attempt to make the MC stop thinking about it, and go for him already. Yes, you are right. The other line afterwards, when the MC shows doubts again about the whole night, he desperately tries to cast them aside. Again! They are like attempts of "no, no, dear, stop thinking right there. We are not a mistake, we are just we. Stop thinking. I don't care if I encourage questioning in general. On this matter, question not" XD

Which I found hilarious in comparison with his personality which is ALL the time in his mode "we need to doubt about everything", because well, that's a scholar. Scholars tend to be better at questioning than knowing things most of the time. This shows once more that he is desperate to stay with the MC, so far. I want to believe that there are not more hidden secrets, or ill-intended motives coming from him.

His mental state by the time he meets the MC is quite a mess. If you think that since too young he was abandoned by Mystra with that orb of Netherese devastation stuck in his chest... we can assume that there is a high chance for him to have been alone ever since. The quest in saving himself from that bomb probably prevented him to use time and energy in relationships (like I say in (15)), and by (12) we know he feels deadly alone. Especially if we take his description of how the bomb makes him feel, which is an increasing terror the longer he stays without consuming artefacts.

If you fail in that conversation of the Loss scene, when you insist about what he lost, he will push the MC away and will say something like "I'm strong enough to keep on". But we know that by the end of that night (or after the party in case MC did not romance him), he will say it anyway. He will talk about Mystra abandonment.  He can't hold it anymore. He needs to share the burden and find someone to trust. Which will be the MC, as a friend or a lover.

I still think about the mind-shocking impact that the Weave scene caused him. It's not only what he states, his mindset has been focused on solving his bomb condition for too long. Relationships have been out of question for a while (15).  And then, he has this Weave moment with the MC showing him their romantic interest; it not only took him by surprise, it caught him quite vulnerable too (too much feeling of loneliness and fear and despair plus the tadpoles looming danger), so the event had a stronger effect than he lets show in that moment. We know he thinks about that event the following days in between the Weave scene and the party, and apparently, that makes a click in him.

As I said, he is desperate for the MC who shared that magic moment of the Weave. Magic is his life, as he said, and sharing it with someone who has supported him and giving him their trust, it moves the ground he is walking on.

He is a char that, when a chance appears, he doesn't want to let is waste. And that romantic scene in the weave was a completely unexpected chance happening in front of him. Serendipity, as he said. (I don't know if by choosing the last option, the one in which you imagine nothing, Gale will want something anyway. I have to explore that.) (** I already explored this [here] **)

In sum, the concept here is that, as a scholar, he is into doubts and questioning all what you want. He will encourage such attitude in the MC. Except when it comes to question his emotions for the MC and their night together. Because questioning them, may cause abandon him. We also need to remember he was abandoned. Abandonment issues must to be added to his psychological profile. It was probably this issue the one that made him wait to the last moment before saying the truth. Because he is all about consent and let people know the truth, but he freaked out at the thought that maybe that truth could mean a second abandonment. That fear is there even if the MC did not romance him. He reached to a point in his life where loneliness, the bomb, and the tadpole became too heavy to deal with alone anymore. He needs the MC. And needs to be sure that they won't abandon him. That's why Gale ends up doing that rotten move of saying the truth only after sleeping with the romanced MC and after all that speech of the book of Anm: through intimacy he wanted to have a deeper link with the MC in order to prevent the abandonment. This is why he says “after all what we passed through, after the night we spent together”. He wants the MC baaaadly. And he  wants not to be abandoned again. You see him bending and breaking his usual philosophy just to avoid abandonment. That's... a bit dangerous.

Once more it gives me the feeling that Gale is a nice mature character, who knows where he walks as long as we are not in the emotional ground. Emotional-wise... seems that Gale has pretty bad experiences, filled with over-idealised situations (Mystra) or over-darkened by misery (his bomb condition and now the tadpole) and in the back of all that there is a constant abandonment issue that may make some situations quite... complicated.

Asking for middle reactions to Gale on these matters seems to be a bit too much for his char. XD This is why I like to joke that he is basically proposing the MC right there... I mean, the book of Anm speech? If you choose “hey Gale, we are not newlywed (stressing that fact), but newly acquainted”, he gives a shit to the definitions of the words (the scholar, uh), he says “let's write the prequel”. One can interpret it like... he is assuming he and the MC are walking that path through and through. He is riiight heading into marriage. Lol. I personally would not like this kind of chars, but I make my exception here because, at least, Gale has a solid reason to be this way: he may die at any moment.

This kind of soft emotional instability char may be a dangerous compound in Larian's hands. You see, Larian in DOS2 offered romances that clearly were not going to last after the ending of the game; and you had hints of that pretty early in the game: one companion was married looking for their spouse, and another was betrothed, and had a fling with the MC meanwhile, if you want to. Another companion you can romance, simply disappears later by the end of the game. So... Larian... is not Bioware. Having a man like Gale that can break or bend his usual philosophy and his morals to a certain degree when it comes to matters of the heart.... well... it's dangerous, to say the least.

I fear Mystra appearing, and telling him that she abandoned him not because she wanted to, but because the netherese orb put her in danger (a logical reason that Gale could accept without problems no matter how much he suffered because of it, check (4),(14) and (20) ). And if Gale gets rid of that orb, and Mystra asks him to be his Chosen One “with benefits” once more (lol)... I'm not so sure if he will not abandon the MC. Unless the MC accepts a polyamory relationship (with a goddess? XD), because I totally see Gale has no issues with Mystra or MC having lovers besides him. 

Magic is his life, and he longs a lot the powers granted by the title of the Chosen One. And Mystra's affections are where the true magical power lays (Gale's own words). So.... yes. Dangerous.

Ah, damn... I derailed again. Sorry.

More content of bg3 in general [here]

[burntmcnuggies]

A Hopeless Fight

Yandere Levi x Reader

Warning: this story contains blood, gore, and suggestive themes such as kidnapping, murder, non-consensual touching, forced sex, and drug usage. You guys have been warned! Now all of you who wanna read! Please enjoy! :D

Chapter Two: Betrayal

“Thank you, nurse (Y/N)!”

“Wow! You draw so good!”

“You’re my favorite nurse!”

All of the ill little kids ran around me happily with pictures of themselves I had drawn for them just moments ago. Their happy laughs warmed my heart, a feeling I would never forget. “Well, I hope to one day become your doctor. Sadly my little brother passed away from Lung cancer. I’ve made it my goal to help those with similar issues. Someday... I hope to find a cure for the diseases, and help people just like you guys, live a long and happy life.” The beautiful sparkle in their eyes spoke a million words to me. Admiration, happiness, enthusiasm, and most of all... hope. I kneeled down and smiled, opening my arms for the sweet kids to embrace. They came to me with happy smiles and childish giggles before enveloping me in a warm hug. I wrapped my arms around as many as I could, before grinning playfully. “Oh no... what’s this? Oh no! The tickle monster has escaped! Everyone run to the beds!”

The children energetically ran to the beds shouting and laughing happily while their small bodies climbed up into their hospital beds. It was getting close to their treatment time, and I need all of them to be good while the other doctors came in and administered their chemotherapy or steroids and antibiotics. “Alright now, you guys be good. I trapped the tickle monster for now, but if he hears another peep... or complaint by the doctors...” I pulled my hand up with a smile and moved my fingers towards them, wiggling them wildly like a spider. The kids laughed and shouted a flurry of protests to my hand. I brought up my other hand and took a step forward wiggling both my hands and fingers. “I may just let him go to tickle all those naughty children!!” I smiled warmly at their small giggles and childish protests and pleas for me not to bring the tickle monster back. A short laugh came fell from my lips hearing them so happy, so cheerful and lively. Just how my brother was until his last moments. “Goodbye, children. I’ll see you all later, alright?”

“Ok! Bye Nurse (Y/N)!”

“A-Ah! Nurse (Y/N)!” I turned hearing the familiar voice of Dr. Zöe’s assistant, Moblit. Poor man seemed like he hasn’t slept in what appeared to be days. Dark droopy circles were under his eyes, but I could tell by the way his pupils were dilated he had most likely been chugging caffeine like crazy. “Oh, hey Moblit! What’s up? You seem in a rush.” He looked quite frantic, I wonder if something happened?he had an entire box full of medical supplies in his hands. I took a peek inside and realized it was the medicine for the children. Ah, so that’s why he looks so frantic. Before he could open his tired mouth I stopped him. “The children should be all good now, Moblit. I’ve put them in their beds and they should behave while you and some other doctors give them their meds.”

He sighed in relief. “You’re really the best, (Y/N).” He caught a few other doctors in the hallway and called them to help him administer the medicine faster. I only gave him a smile and waved goodbye as the dirty blonde and a team of lower ranked doctors walked calmly into the room. I turned on my heel to start down the hallway towards my next task, before Moblit stopped me. “Oh! I forgot to tell you! Hanji would like to see you in her office.” I tilted my head a bit in confusion. Just an hour ago at lunch she had assigned me a couple tasks to do before I went home. Maybe she needed my help with something? Or a new task for me to complete. “Oh ok! Thank you, Moblit! And get some sleep tonight! You need it!” He just smiled sheepishly and waved bye as he disappeared behind the sliding glass doors.

I began my journey towards Hanji’s office, but I couldn’t help but feel a bit paranoid walking down the hallways. After learning that a serial killer was evident in town from the news, I couldn’t help but feel extra cautious. No one has seen this suspicious and stealthy individual. Is it a man? A woman? All I know is, they knew what they were doing. There was no evidence whatsoever linking anyone to the crimes at all. Nothing. The wave of paranoia washed over my body like a tide coming in during the night. Rough, unexpected, and dangerous. The tides have been known to drag people into rip currents and drag them far below the surface. These currents also known as curiosity. You couldn’t help but wonder the motives of the person behind all of this. Pleasure? Revenge? A sadistic nature? It was all confusing. Taking a human life, even thinking of the heinous crime made vomit rise in my throat.

I shook my head firmly and swallowed thickly, pushing the repulsive thoughts to the back of my brain to be revisited at a possibly later date. My eyes trained on everyone I passed by. Any one of these people could be the murderer, playing a façade to trick innocent people. You could never be too careful, however, I would soon pay the price for my carelessness. I finally arrived at Hanji’s office and gave three firm knocks, awaiting a response from the messy-haired brunette. A faint reply came from the other side of the wooden door, and I carefully pushed it open, closing it behind me before I made my way to the chair opposite of her mahogany desk. She looked quite distressed, which was unusual for the eccentric woman.

“Hey Hanji, what’s up? You seem a little out of it. Are you okay?” I noticed a thin layer of sweat graced her forehead, and her muscles were oddly tense. Her hands wouldn’t stop fidgeting, whether it be with each other or anxiously pulling at loose hangnails. During my studies at med school, I quickly identified the signs. Nervousness. It was very out of character for Hanji. In all honesty, it made me more paranoid than I already was. “I’m fine, (Y/N). I promise you. There’s an ambulance coming in a few minutes with a couple bags of blood. It’s not like we need them, but it’s always good to be over prepared right?” I hesitated before I nodded. Why was she acting so strange? Is she just as bothered by the news earlier than I am? At lunch she seemed fine, why now? “Would you mind assisting me?”

“Oh! Sure! When’s the ambulance coming?”

“Soon. We should head down now just to ensure that we’re there in time so we can get that blood cold.”

I have her a small fake smile and nodded. Her fingers calmed for a brief moment before she began to type on her computer, pushing her glasses up to her head. Usually l could always see what she was doing from the reflection off her glasses. It was never anything bad, usually writing up reports or checking on patients. It was almost like she was hiding something. “You’re too smart for your own good sometimes, (Y/N).” I perked up hearing the sudden compliment come from her. The last click of the keys was heard and she closed her laptop, slipping her glasses back over her eyes. “Pardon?” I questioned, a bit taken aback by her sudden compliment about me smart. She smiled with a laugh and skipped on over to me, patting my back harshly as if I were choking on something. “I said you’re smart! I’m incredibly lucky to have such an amazing med student going to work for me in the future!”

“Ow, that kinda hurt a little! But thank you Hanji! I’m very excited to finish up and come back to work here full time.” Maybe I was just being too paranoid. There was no way Hanji could be worried. She’s a bit scary when she wants to be. Maybe she’s just having a bit of a stressful day? We strolled down the corridors towards the East wing of the hospital, talking about nothing in particular. When we reached the stairs Hanji had grown painfully quiet. It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Why was she being so quiet all of a sudden. “Geez... I’m so tired. Maybe I should finally get some sleep tonight!” She turned back to me and showed me a tired and lazy smile. I nodded in agreement, flashing a kind smile back towards her. “Yeah. You work yourself to death here Hanji. It’s very admirable, but you’re still human too.”

“Guess you’re right! Here we are!” She opened the doors to the loading area where nurses and other hospital staff were usually down here loading boxes, stocking shelves, and collecting deliveries. However, it was empty. I tilted my head in confusion. “Where is everybody?” Hanji waved off my question with a sly grin as she waited now enthusiastically for the ambulance to arrive. Her mood swings were a bit alarming. Maybe she really is just too tired and she’s trying to act like her usual self. Not the first time I’ve seen it, but this time her kids swings were more frequent and clear. “Ah, I let them go home early half an hour ago. This is the last shipment for today that called last minute. Didn’t wanna call them back! We’re strong, confident, independent women! We can do this by ourselves!”

I roll my eyes and smile patiently waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Soon, the square looking vehicle had rounded the circular pavement and stopped right near the door. A man got out of the front of the car, rather short I had to admit. He wore a hat that covered a majority of his face, and dark sunglasses. He wore some scrubs, which was very uncommon for someone in an ambulance. Usually they would wear similar outfits as policemen, however there would be differences in the patchwork on their shirts. The man approached us and nodded, tipping his hat to Hanji as a silent greeting. I placed a fake smile on my lips while Hanji went to grab the clipboard from his hand.

“(Y/N)! Could you go grab the boxes from the truck!” I gave her a firm nod and opened the doors of the ambulance, my eyes instantly falling upon a couple styrofoam boxes. I hopped up into the chilly space of the square-like space and made my way to the boxes. The boxes were a bit heavy, but I assumed there were at least 10 pints in each. Only three boxes in total. I made my way out of the ambulance and watched Hanji and the man from the ambulance talk. “Thanks, (Y/N)! I’ve gotta talk to my friend for a minute so keep working without me!” I placed the box down near the door and walked back towards the two. The man quickly snapped his head towards me and I couldn’t help but flinch in surprise. “Oh sorry! Don’t mind him! He’s a hit on edge from all the murder talk...”

“Oh! No I totally get it, sorry if I startled you sir.” I smiled at him and went back to work grabbing the last two boxes. During those few minutes, I could feel a pair of eyes penetrating my skull with every move I made. I took a couple glances and noticed a pair of dark covered eyes following me whenever I moved. A chill went down my spine. Something seemed off, something just wasn’t quite right. When I picked up the last box, it wasn’t even the least bit heavy. I tilted my head in confusion before I turned around. I took a blind step forward before I came to my senses and saw the short guy in scrubs standing and blocking my way out of the car. “Ah, excuse me, sir.” I said politely and smiled towards him. The man still refused to move. Now it was getting suspicious.

I stepped forwards a bit and attempted to get past him, but suddenly something sharp stabbed my neck. I jerked quickly away in pain and dropped the box, noticing a syringe in the mans hand, without any liquid in it. My body began to feel woozy, and I stumbled a bit feeling my body going numb. “What... did you do... to me...?” The man caught me swiftly when I began to fall, and he easily threw me into the back of the ambulance. I groaned in pain and gasped weakly at the sudden pain that erupted from my side. My vision was beginning to blur, but I could focus just enough to make out their faces. Hanji and the man stood at the foot of the ambulance, both just staring at me. “Well done! I didn’t think you would actually be able to hit her correctly with the needle!”

Hanji...? What’s going on?

“Tch, shut up shitty glasses. The main thing is that she’s in the truck.” Why? Why Hanji?! Why are you doing this?! Suddenly, I could barely feel the edge of the ambulance dip as they both climbed back in to come to me. The man took off the hat and glasses, and revealed his face to me. It was Corporal Levi, the man who was supposed to be solving the case of the serial killer. Wait... does that mean?! “Gotta hand it to you, brat. You’re not as stupid as you look.” He grabbed my hair and tugged my face up. I winced weakly and felt my vision slowly start to fade. I could still hear faint voices, but they seemed so far away. Hanji’s regretful face was the last thing I saw. My friend... or so I thought. “I’m really sorry, (Y/N). But... like I said earlier, you’re just too smart for your own good.”

And I lost consciousness, with a heavy burden on my heart. Sadness bubbling in my chest. My mind was plagued with one singular thought.

The reasoning behind my friends betrayal.

[ft-dads-au]

Behind the Wall

A Collaboration by @mdelpin​ and @oryu404​

Lyoke Week 2020 Prompt: Family Pairing(s): Lyon & Loke (Pre-relationship)

AO3 | FF.Net

Summary: Loke is stunned when he finds Lyon sulking at the bar, and learns that he might be a father to a teenage girl. He starts to see the man he'd often thought of as cold in a new light, and is pleasantly surprised to discover that there's so much more to the family lawyer than he'd ever considered.

August 26, 2020

Loke entered Crime Sorciere after a long day in court. Handing his briefcase over to Natsu to put behind the bar, he took a seat next to Lyon, awaiting some sort of friendly insult in greeting, surprised when he didn’t get one.

“What’s the matter with him?” Loke asked Natsu as he ordered his usual drink, noticing that Lyon was staring off into space. “Did he lose a case or something?”

“I don’t think so. When he loses a case, he just goes off into a rant,” Natsu shrugged, mixing Loke’s drink before walking away to talk to another customer.

Loke decided that if Lyon wanted to talk, he’d do so, and seeing a pretty girl a few stools over, he introduced himself. When he returned twenty minutes later, he noticed Lyon had not seemed to have moved an inch.

Motioning Natsu for another drink, he stared at his friend with concern, “Okay, that’s it! You’re acting creepy as hell. What’s gotten into you?”

Lyon seemed to notice his presence for the first time, startling out of his trance and blinking at him, “Did you say something?”

“Yes! What the hell is wrong with you? You’re sitting there like some damn statue, it’s unnatural,” Loke complained.

“I just- I had some unexpected news, that’s all,” Lyon shrugged, trying to pretend like the matter held no importance, but Loke knew better.

It took a lot to shake Lyon. The man was like a fucking robot sometimes. He didn’t laugh at jokes, or hit on people, didn’t respond to advances of any kind, just worked hard at his cases. And he was damn good at what he did. He rarely lost.

He continued to stare at him, trying to see if he could somehow figure out what could be bothering him, but after a few more minutes of silence, he decided just to go ahead and ask.

“What type of news?” Loke asked, for once trying to be tactful. For all he knew, the guy’s parents could have taken ill or something.

When Lyon didn’t answer right away, he pushed a little, figuring that he’d call Gray and let him deal with it if that didn’t work. “Hey, we’re friends, remember?”

“You’re just going to turn it into a joke.”

“Hey, I resent that! I can take things seriously too, I couldn’t do my job otherwise,” Loke reminded him.

“Alright, but I swear if you’re an asshole about it, I won’t trust you with anything again.”

Loke made the cross your heart gesture and waited for Lyon to tell him what was bothering him.

“I think I’m a father,” Lyon breathed out, and from the panicked expression on his face, it was clear that it was the first time he’d said the words out loud.

“You knocked someone up?” Loke sputtered, “When the hell did you manage that? I’ve never seen you dating anyone.”

“Not to state the obvious, but you don’t have to date people to have sex with them. And you wouldn’t have seen it anyway. It happened over a decade ago. The girl has already turned fourteen.”

“That’s great, isn’t it?” Loke asked, “I have three daughters, and they’re awesome!”

“Yeah, but you’ve been a part of their lives from the very beginning, and you’ll continue to do so after the divorce is final. Her mother never told me anything, what am I supposed to do?”

Loke did some math in his head, “So this was in high school? Were you guys dating?”

Lyon shook his head, hiding his head in his hands, “She had a thing for me, and right before I left for college, we got together. It was only one night.”

“Well, that’s all it really takes,” Loke pointed out.

“Yes, Loke, I am well aware of how babies are made, thank you.”

“Wait, if the mom never told you, how did you find out?”

“The girl, who I suspect to be my daughter, called me at work. She’s looking for her father. She knows the man her mother is married to isn’t her biological father.”

“Did you tell her you were him?”

“Of course not! You don’t just blurt that sort of thing over the phone,” Lyon peered at Loke’s dumbfounded expression and amended, “Well, most of us wouldn’t.”

“I don’t see what the problem is, go talk to the mom. She can tell you whether you’re the father or not.”

“It’s not that easy. I can’t just waltz into this kid’s life and say, ‘Gee sorry you’ve never heard from me before, but I’m your dad.’”

“Don’t be an idiot, of course you can. It’s not your fault you weren’t there, you didn’t know,” Loke reminded him. “I’m sure if you had, things would have been different.”

When Lyon didn’t answer right away, Loke pressed, “You would have been there for them, right?”

Lyon looked away, appearing embarrassed, “I was a different person back then. I might have grown to resent her, or…” He lifted his shoulder in a half shrug, “I just don’t know.”

“I don’t believe that for a minute,” Loke scoffed, “Look, I think you’re missing a critical point here. She’s looking for you. She wants to meet you, maybe have you be a part of her life.”

“But what if knowing me messes her up?” Lyon looked horrified, and Loke had to laugh at him.

“Welcome to fatherhood, we’re all one step away from messing up our kid’s lives,” Loke grinned, “Dude, you’re like the most standup guy I‘ve ever met, I doubt you could mess her up if you tried. The best advice I can give you is to make sure you go through the mother if you want any chance of this not turning into a huge mess. But I think if it turns out you’re right, and she is your daughter, and you don’t do anything about it, you will regret it.”

Lyon’s eyes bored into him as he considered his words, and Loke met his gaze unwaveringly. He’d never seen this side of Lyon before, and he had to admit he rather liked it, even if it was a bit disconcerting to see him show actual feelings. He offered him an encouraging smile.

“You’re probably right,” Lyon finally responded, eyes softening slightly as he added, “Who would have thought you’d be the voice of reason.”

“There’s a first time for everything, I suppose,” Loke’s mouth twitched in amusement at the backhanded compliment. He motioned for Natsu to bring them a round of drinks.

“You feeling better?” Natsu asked, placing the drinks in front of them and glancing at Lyon with concern.

“Yeah, I’m good now.”

Natsu nodded and left them to their drinks. They sat silently, and Loke was surprised to realize he didn’t feel uncomfortable in the slightest.

“So, uhm, what’s it like to be a dad?” Lyon asked suddenly, startling Loke out of his thoughts.

“It’s amazing,” Loke said with a proud smile. “Stressful, exhausting, chaotic...but you get so much in return. No amount of money I make or cases I win can compare to that feeling of coming home to my girls jumping into my arms.”

“It is kind of nice when Aki does that, the days when I get home early enough anyway,” Lyon admitted with a shy smile.

Had he ever seen Lyon genuinely smile before? He didn’t think so. It was actually kind of nice. Loke didn’t know quite how to respond to this unguarded side of Lyon, so he reverted back to more comfortable ground. “I’m still trying to accept the fact that you’ve ever gotten laid,” he teased, “I was pretty sure you were such a hardass cause you were still a virgin.”

“No, I’m a hardass cause you’re a pain,” Lyon retorted but soon recanted, “But I guess sometimes you’re alright.”

“Just sometimes? I’ll have you know I’m fucking awesome all the time!”

Loke kept up the banter for the rest of the night, staying at Crime Sorciere with Lyon until closing time. It was the most fun he’d had in quite a while, and he couldn’t help but think he’d like to spend more time with this Lyon, and hoped that it wouldn’t take another life-changing discovery for them to share a night like this again.

[silver-wield]

Hey so I was wondering if you did/could do an analysis on clouds various panic attacks ptsd episodes and how he responds to each one I’m interested to read your thoughts on each one since you usually bring a new perspective to the table for me so thanks for that!

All of Cloud's ptsd attacks? Damn, that's a lot of searching I've got to do. I might not find them all. I'll do my best but you'll have to let me off if I miss a couple lol

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Please check my master post to see if I've already covered your question, thanx

Recap time!

I explain Cloud's entire backstory which covers his PTSD and other issues here, so that should do for a recap right?

A further thing to note is that PTSD affects people differently and in Cloud's case it manifests as a psychological taunt in the form of Sephiroth. Embodiying his sense of failure, lack of self-esteem and self-actualisation, this version of Sephiroth is the one that Cloud reacts to the most strongly. This is the one that makes him whimper with fear and react on instinct instead of observing the situation and attacking. This is the one he fears, and it's a part of himself wearing a monster's face. Why Sephiroth? Who else has done him more harm? Sephiroth killed his mother, Tifa (so he assumes), burned his hometown to the ground and was indirectly responsible for his best friend's death, too.

And Cloud couldn't do a thing about it. He is the manifestation of everything that Cloud hates and fears about himself. Because of this, he's dissociated from much of his feelings. He still feels, but at a lesser degree than he should were he fully in touch with his real self.

Moseying on.

The first PTSD induced attack isn't actually prompted by Sephiroth himself, although he does feature in it. Cloud's first attack happens when he sees the destruction of sector 8 and buildings burning. This gives him the association of the last time he saw a burning building, which happened when his village burned. The sensory input of sights, sounds and smells prompted the memory, which combined with the high stress situation and Cloud's own latent anxiety and guilt for his part in this chaos.

You see a close up of Cloud's eye as it widens and real!Cloud's memory pushes to the forefront of his mind – remember, these memories are things SOLDIER!Cloud can't access at will, which is why they cause him pain when it happens.

Theres a static noise in the background, which is meant to convey a type of ringing in Cloud's ears and then the building's facade morphs to that of his house with the fence around it.

While much of what Sephiroth says is in line with this being a separate being from Cloud and not merely his own subconscious taunting him, there are elements of it being a combination of both. This is in line with the OG where Sephiroth was able to get in Cloud's head and make him doubt his own sense of self. With what we know of how Jenova's cells manipulate Cloud, it's believable that Sephiroth is both a separate being manipulating Cloud to his own ends and partly an aspect of Cloud's psyche that exists to push blame on him for everything. It's the representation of his mental illness that he struggles to fight.

Obviously, there's no fire, so Cloud sweating and breathless is because they're physical symptoms of his PTSD induced trauma.

Sephiroth's taunting lines about how he killed Cloud's mother are overkill when you consider the real Sephiroth's personality. The combination of the overarching Sephiroth and Cloud's PTSD version make a powerful foe that he never really beats. This is a metaphor for the fact those with mental illness are never really free. It's a lifetime battle and even if they're in recovery, that demon is just waiting for one weak moment when they can get them back in their grip.

You can hear Cloud gasp in this scene as once again Sephiroth appears to taunt him. He's not fully recovered from the last attack and now there's another right on top of it. Sephiroth appearing is once again partly Cloud's own trauma and partly the Jenova cells in him warping his perception and allowing Sephiroth to mess with him.

Unlike the time before, this Sephiroth vision is a simple taunt that Cloud is too weak to save anyone. This is his guilt and self-loathing talking about how he couldn't save his mom, Tifa or his town. It could also be hinting that he couldn't save Zack either.

The hidden implication of this scene is the fact that Sephiroth puts his hand on Aerith's shoulder. This is the only time Sephiroth touches anyone besides Cloud.

The next time Cloud has an attack is during the reactor 5 mission. This happens because of Tifa's presence drawing out the painful memory of the Nibelheim reactor where he believed she died after facing down Sephiroth.

Even in the midst of his PTSD attack he looks to Tifa. She doesn't know what's happening with him and he backs away from taking a chance to confide in her, but even during this moment when he's showing weakness he has very good eye contact with her. He's looking her directly in the eye, which he wouldn't do if he wasn't comfortable with her. This shows that Cloud sees her as a source of comfort and support.

You can see the lingering doubt on his face here after he dismisses the attack. He's not aware of what the memory means because he's not in touch with the full story – that belongs to real!Cloud kept hidden away. He knows it's left him unsettled and feeling like a failure. This is one of the few times I've seen that Cloud doesn't dismiss out of hand the content of the attacks.

Tifa repeats a phrase she said back then and Cloud's sense of failure surfaces, causing him pain and to freeze up. We get a voice over from real!Cloud referring to the time he believes he let Tifa down. Before the SOLDIER persona can get too deep into it or question what he means, Barret yells for him to focus. Cloud shakes off the paralysing feelings, but that doesn't stop Tifa asking it he's ok, which he dismisses again. This is typical of truama survivors pushing their feelings down and attempting to function without ever truly dealing with the source of their pain.

This next flash is prompted by the events during chapter 8 where the children get into trouble and Cloud has to rescue them. It echoes a similar even in his past where Tifa climbed Mt Nibel and fell, despite his best efforts to save her. She spent a week in a coma and Cloud was blamed for the incident and told to stay away from her.

The past emotions of guilt and failure mingle with the present situation to prompt a flash of pain as the memory of Tifa surfaces. It's his feelings of guilt and having failed her that cause the pain, not Tifa herself because when he says to Aerith he doesn't know how to explain he turns to the spot where he saw the vision of Tifa and smiles wistfully. This means Tifa herself doesn't cause him pain. The feelings he has about himself, do.

Chapter 13 and omg I love this freak out! I'm sorry, but this is such a great moment for Cloud and really highlights how low he is at this point. This shows the depth that we miss from him always having his SOLDIER persona taking charge. He's just lived through a tragedy. He's seen the girl he likes in pieces and trying to hold it together. He wants to comfort her. He wants to be himself, but he can't because he's just not good enough. He's feeling like a failure in more ways than one. He lost people too, goddamnit!

Then, in a misguided attempt to distract Tifa from her pain, he stumbles right into a trigger point for his own trauma. Of course he wouldn't know this. It's one of those flashes of Sephiroth ranting about his role and Jenova and shit. (I might have mistakenly said this was a future-flash somewhere, but then I remembered he does this rant right before he kills everyone in Nibelheim).

There's very little blocking to the memory. This is pretty well sealed by real!Cloud compared to his other memories. Even painful ones of Tifa have more context than this. This is something that is so damaging to Cloud's psyche that he can't even fill in the space around it.

So, we get the same kind of staticky noise we heard in chapter 2 when the vision of Sephiroth showed. Cloud gasps pretty loud here tbf. He's unguarded because of the vision and possibly his own distraction about what he's just been through. He wasn't prepared to see Sephiroth here even more than he was back in chapter 2 when he had a full on panic attack.

I mean, his pupils are seriously dilated here. Boi is scared.

Cloud's whimpering and my heart breaks for him. Sephiroth is hitting all his weakest points by bringing up failure and mentioning it's not the first time that's happened. Cloud's at a low point already, so it's not unexpected he backs away from this rather than tries to fight. This isn't SOLDIER!Cloud. This is real!Cloud. The fear has driven real!Cloud to the surface and he wants to run away, just like Sephiroth taunted back in chapter 2.

“Through suffering you will grow strong. Isn't that what you want?”

Clearly not by the look on Cloud's face. The part of him that's real!Cloud within this moment looks like he wants to scream that he's had enough of being in pain. He wants to shake his head and deny that he deserves it. What did he ever do wrong?

I feel like this is more of Cloud's own subconscious taunting him and implying that he deserves everything bad that happens to him, rather than it being the external Sephiroth manipulating Jenova's cells. He's saying Cloud secretly wants to suffer because that's all he should ever get in life. He thinks if he suffers enough pain that he'll be stronger for it, instead of the broken person that he really is. This is the type of thing people who’ve lived through trauma deal with every single day. It’s a never ending barrage of not feeling good enough and worrying that your entire existence is a bother to society. Not even just those close to you, you are a blight on the world. That Cloud’s internal trauma is so deeply rooted in this figure of Sephiroth narrows his focus and makes him project all of his fears onto him. It’s no wonder he freezes.

Now, not strictly a PTSD glitch, but it does provoke a very strong reaction from Cloud, and definitely plays into his fears, so I'm gonna include this one on the proviso it's more fear motivated.

This is the moment he sees Tifa stabbed during the VR cut scene. Sephiroth hijacked it to show them meteor, but then he also killed Tifa and then Barret. We know later on that Barret actually dies, so having seen this, Cloud may well relate back to this deep seated fear that he can't save Tifa and she'll die because of him and it'll cause further attacks. This is also a callback to the time in the reactor in Nibelheim when Tifa was stabbed by Sephiroth and Cloud couldn't save her – this ties to the PTSD flashback he had during the reactor 5 mission where he saw Tifa picking up Sephiroth's sword, so it's got precedence to cause him further trauma once he connects the dots. The fact it provokes such a strong emotional response from him – so much so that his entire face changes – I suspect that real!Cloud came out to motivate him to run to her out of the fear he'd just seen her die in front of him – again. The shock and disbelief on his face, the utter heartbreak. His expression changes from SOLDIER!Cloud to real!Cloud in less than 3 seconds. I checked. As a trigger for his trauma, Cloud's fear of losing Tifa pushes him to a lot of things he wouldn't normally do.

This is more of a memory glitch than PTSD since it's tied to the grunt recognising Cloud and calling him out on the false memories he has of being a SOLDIER. He says they went through training together and Cloud's eyes narrow as though he's trying to reconcile a truth against a lie. The truth that real!Cloud was a grunt and SOLDIER!Cloud is a fake.

There's some distress on his face here that links back to the point during the airbuster battle when he first learned about cell degradation. He knows what he believes is true isn't quite right, but he can't figure out why. SOLDIER!Cloud is unaware of the SOLDIER persona he constructed to protect his real self from further trauma. In OG when Cloud finds out – through Sephiroth’s skewed af bullshit – it causes a complete mental break, so real!Cloud's right to be wary of triggering himself because he's not in a good enough place to deal with what he's done to protect himself. He'd blame himself for being even more weak than he thought.

This is more interesting. Usually whenever anyone questions Cloud about his false identity he claims it, while also rejecting it by saying “ex-SOLDIER”, but in Hojo's case, he seems to hesitate, as though part of him knew it would be questioned and wouldn't hold up. Since Hojo's the one who did this to Cloud, it's likely the truth of what happened couldn't be kept back by the SOLDIER lies.

Pained again, Cloud turns his head away, as though he can shut out the truth. Hojo's image glitches for him and it's reminiscent of the OG moment where Cloud confronts Hojo and asks if he can be a proper experiment instead of a failed one (or something like that. I haven't played OG in like 5 years)

The trauma from what Hojo's done is quickly brushed under the carpet thanks to the arrival of the whispers. This is the second time they appear to prevent Cloud learning too much about his past too early. (Dammit, I forgot about deep ground, I'll circle back to it or I'll lose the order for my screenshots)

I'm not including the long corridor walk prompted by Jenova because that's a loading screen and also it happens not because of anything that Cloud experienced in the location, but because the outside influence of Jenova called to him. His only association with Jenova is the infusion of cells, though how he got them does set off attacks. Actually, here's a good point for the deep ground screen.

Preview of zombie Cloud for Mideel anyone? I mean, what can I say? He's totally checked out and it's scary. No wonder he doesn't wanna remember any of it if this is what he was like at the time. Imagine being so doped up with mako that you're not even you any longer? Having experiments carried out on you and god knows what else. Being stuffed in a chamber jammed full of alien dna and left to see what happens.

This is what broke him. I'd say it's similar to the faceless Squall cut scene from the end of FF8. It's chilling. No wonder he crafted an entire persona to protect himself from remembering this.

So this is the culmination of all the other attacks he's had. We get flashback elements from several that threaten to overwhelm Cloud. He's clutching his head. He's in serious pain and can't do anything. He manages to push through and ask if it's really Sephiroth. He then grabs his left arm when it begins to hurt. This is because Sephiroth is left handed. This is also the same arm that had the major infection of geostigma in AC.

Conclusion

Cloud is a messed by puppy and I ship him with therapy.

PTSD is a tricky thing to accurately show, especially in this case when it's not all totally mental illness and there are outside factors that skew how it's portrayed. Part of Sephiroth is within Cloud, though I do suspect it's more of an aspect of his own feelings of self-loating and doubt than it is actually Sephiroth. That's not to say there isn't also a genuine part of Sephiroth within these visions influencing Cloud to do what he wants, but I think it comes down to the context of the moment.

Cloud's been through a lot of shit and fronts like nothing else. He's managed to get away without any kind of vices or coping mechanisms besides this alternate persona that actually does ok in following the real!Cloud's lead when his deeper urges motivate SOLDIER!Cloud into doing things. I mean there's a point where there's a clear debate between the two about dancing for Andrea. All that back and forth eye movement and then the grimace and “fine, for Tifa” expression wasn't necessary if it was just SOLDIER!Cloud.

It's gonna be hard for Cloud to hear that he's not real in the sense that he thinks he is. It's gonna break him. We've got a preview of his scary vacant Mideel look and it's terrifying. Major props to Tifa for refusing to give up on him.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #342

“in this farewell, there’s no blood, there’s no alibi  /  ‘cuz i’ve drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies”

What’s your all-time favourite cartoon? Does anime count? In which case I'd say Fullmetal Alchemist, or the original Pokemon. If we're not including anime, then uhhhh Avatar: The Last Airbender, even though I have much more to go in the series. Have you ever taken dance lessons? What kind? Yeah, I've done a few for many years: jazz, clogging, modern, and hip hop. When did you last run and why? I literally couldn't tell you. I don't even know if I can run with the current state of my legs. My knees would probably crumple. Does your house/flat/whatever the hell you live in need cleaning? Not necessarily cleaning, but sorting. I still have boxes outside and inside my room of my stuff I need to put up somewhere... but whenever I prepare to do it, I just get so overwhelmed and shy away from it. Then there's the spare room, that's a total mess loaded with boxes and the like. Mom and I have just avoided it like the plague. Was your last relationship with a man or a woman? Woman. What do you think your next achievement will be? HOPEFULLY getting a job... Do you like mushrooms? NOOOOOOO. What dream do you remember most vividly? I'm not talking about it. Favorite kind of bread? Pumpernickel. Rabbits or hamsters? Rabbits. I've never met a nice hamster, and I just think rabbits are cuter. A movie you’ve never seen that it seems like every one else has? Harry Potter films. Favorite dog breed? I'm biased towards beagles. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, actually. Where I live, there aren't really many weighty trees with low branches. Just pine trees. Most common lie you tell? That I'm "fine" when I'm not. Ever seen your parents make out? Jc no, I'll take a hard pass there. Do you put your hair up a lot or down? It's too short to put up. Most of the time do you straighten or curl your hair? Neither. What piercing do you hate? I'm not a fan of cheek dermals at all, but you do you 100%. Were you raised in a religious house? Yes; I was raised Roman Catholic. Do your parents get mad when you're on the computer for hours? Mom used to for many years until I became an adult and she just realized it was in vain. I haven't lived with Dad since I was a teenager, but when my parents were together, he usually didn't say anything. Have you ever been asked for a nude picture? No, thankfully. I'd stop talking to the person immediately. What would you do if your parent hit you? I honestly feel like I'd slap them back and get the fuck out. Or just freeze in shock and cry. What's your most common mood? Stressed but distracted. Do you like poems? Yeah, usually. Ever kissed someone half-naked? Uh yeah. Have you ever been in a parade? No. Do you still play Pokémon? I play Pokemon GO, and I've actually been tempted to get out my DS and play one of the games I have (I can't remember which). I do find Pokemon games to be VERY grind-ey, though, so I can't play them for too long without getting bored. What is your favorite Pokémon? Ninetales. I also really love Espeon, though, and Charmander will always have my heart. Is there an animal you like that most people don't? Bats! :') Is there an animal that you think is overrated in terms of how it's liked? No animal is overrated. Have you ever "quit" a site and came back to it more than once? Uhhhh I don't think so. Do you have an "odd" fascination with anything? Most would probably consider "vulture culture" to be pretty weird, being drawn to dead animals and all... What's the hardest thing you've been through, & what did you learn from it? The breakup with Jason. I learned that some people make promises they aren't afraid to break, that someone can promise "forever" and not mean it, that the most unexpected can just snap their fingers and forget about you... I learned a lot. And most things, not positive. What are three "unrealistic" things you want most? 1.) To be able to financially support myself by just freelance nature photography; 2.) sooo many different kinds of pets; and 3.) to be totally rid of my mental illnesses. Do you take any daily vitamins? No, but I would if I was the one who bought groceries and stuff. I do however take Vitamin D once a week for my legs. Who are three of your favorite fictional characters of all time? JUST THREE??????? FUCK MAN idk. Uhhh well there's of course Darkiplier and Wilford Warfstache, then uhhh probably Pyramid Head. If you had to give the world a pre-existing mythological/fictional being, what would it be? Idk, I'd really need to be more educated on their lore before I made that decision. Do you have any desire to learn (a) foreign language(s)? Which? I both do and don't want to resume learning German. I got very good at it and could have basic conversations, but lack of application has slaughtered my vocabulary. Now it's like, it'd be nice to try again, but for what purpose? I don't think I'll ever actually apply it to my life, so it just seems like it'd be a load of wasted effort. But then on the other hand, I also feel that doing something you simply want to do isn't a waste of time. Idk. What is one of your firmest beliefs? Equality for all. No race, religion, whatthefuckever makes you more or less valuable than someone else. Do you have anything that keeps you from doing something you'd truly enjoy? Oh yes. Depression and anxiety, mostly. Do you work to fix your faults? Or at least, admit to them? I definitely try, and I'll certainly admit to them. How do you hope the world will change, if at all? I just want more compassion, less violence, more understanding... What is/are your view(s) on god, religion, spirituality, or relations to? In short, I believe that something sentient created the universe, and it/they/he/she/what-have-you just... let life play out from there, I think. I like to believe there's a plane of consciousness like an afterlife that exists, but if not, I don't really care. I hope the evil get what was coming to them, and the good get back what they gave, but maybe we're all better off without life after death. We'll all find out one day. Are you arachnophobic or scared of spiders in the least? Some, yes; others, not so much. This is very situational. Do you play WoW? What do you think of it either way? Haha, you're asking an avid player. I enjoy it, but not as much as I used to. At one point I was a Heroic raider, sometimes dabbling in Mythic, but now I'm just mostly a casual mount collector that likes chatting with my guildies and just doing dailies 'n shit. I owe a lot to the game, honestly; it helped me stay occupied throughout the breakup, and still today gives me something to do. What kind of computer do you have? Windows 7/Vista/XP/Other? I have an Acer Nitro with Windows 10. Are you taking any interesting classes in school/do you not attend? I'm no longer in school. If you don't attend, are you taking any "lessons" for anything? No, but I would like to join a photography course somewhere. A book/piece that has had an exceptional impact on your life? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo just made me hate war more than I innately did. What genres of music are your favorite? Just metal as an umbrella term. Some heavy stuff, some less, some in the middle, some leaning towards other genres... but I just like metal. Do you think that fate plays a part in people's lives? No. Wouldn't "fate" just make it all... worthless? Like we're just storybook characters with a predetermined ending? What are your opinions on the media? One word: manipulative. What's a piece of technology you'd like to own? I REALLY want a PS4, especially lately. There's just a lot of games I REALLY want to play. Are you afraid of technology developing to where we're too reliant on it? We're already *too* reliant on it, which I do believe is a bad thing. I know, absolutely hysterical for me to be talking. What's your favorite odd ice cream flavor? I don't think I've ever had a truly odd ice cream flavor. There's this local place though that makes a kind that tastes JUST like s'mores, and I can fucking murder a cup of that. What's your opinion on stereotypes/labels? They're limiting and devalue uniqueness, imo. I know very, very few people who totally fit a certain stereotype, so why even bother. Like I don't care if you use them as adjectives to some extent, just don't put too much weight on them. Just be you. Do you believe that history repeats itself? It's not necessarily doomed to, but it happens sometimes, obviously. Would you rather learn from your mistakes or just undo them? Depends on the mistake. What was the most interesting class you had in school? Probably Mythology in high school. Do you write? If so, what? Yeah, meerkat role-play. And every now and again, poetry. Do you have a favorite culture? No; I'm not educated on nearly enough to pick one. Do you believe in global warming? Have you researched it? Lol no shit I do. I don't exactly think it takes much research to see with your own two eyes that it's factual. Do you prefer piercings or tattoos? Tattoos, if I had to pick. What comedy movie is your favorite? White Chicks. Have you ever meditated? Yes. Doesn't work for me. What comes to mind when you think of a great moment in your life? Realizing it was my choice to liberate myself and my happiness from my ex. He didn't and never should've carried it, because that's my right. What do you like about springtime? Aaaaall the flowers. <3 How have you handled having to stay in? It's not really different from my average day, so... How would your friends describe you? Quiet and overthinks literally everything. Have you ever hallucinated? When I was coming off a certain med in middle school, I saw black moving shadows. What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? The partial hospitalization program I attended for two months following my suicide attempt. It's where I met my psychiatrist, who set my medication straight. Medicine besides though, I learned so many coping techniques and just how to deconstruct my trauma. As well as possible, anyway. What is the worst decision you ever made? Handing over the ability to make happiness for myself to another person. What is your favorite arcade game? Don't have one. Do you feel neglected? No. What school subject(s) are/were your best? English, Arts, Science. Are you allergic to pollen? Yep. What style of wedding dress do you like best? Probably ballgown. Are you over your first love? I probably never will be in complete totality. Do you always answer your phone? No. I only ever do if I recognize the number. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? Today is actually my sister's birthday. What song is currently stuck in your head? I have Halocene's cover of "What I've Done" on a loop right now. It has me absolutely covered in goosebumps. Do you ever use coloring books? Not really anymore. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? Not to my knowledge, no. What’s your favorite kind of salsa/dip to go with tortilla chips? Just your normal, mildly hot salsa. Do you wash your car by hand or drive through a car wash? Mom's car hasn't been washed in... well, years, given its bumper. Mom worries that in a car wash, it'll be broken off (it is literally held on with a lot of zip ties and duct tape), and we ourselves don't want to wash it, so... Do you have any uncommon kitchen appliances, such as espresso machines, waffle irons, etc? I know we have one or two, but idk what they're called. What did your parents major/minor in in college, if they went? Dad never went to college. Mom changed her major a few times, but her latest was social work, I believe. Has either of their careers influenced what career you chose or want to pursue? Not at all. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Why is your least favorite season your least favorite? Because it's hot as fuck and humid. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? I don't know. Hopefully I'll start one soon when I leave PHP and pursue a job... What room in your home do you spend the least amount of time in? I'm always in my room. Do you do anything to reduce the amount of electricity you use? I feel awful admitting I do quite the opposite... Being in the dark during the day affects my depression, so I'll have my lamp (or both) on even if it's just sort of shaded inside. Are you usually open to trying a new food that you aren’t familiar with? Eh, it depends on the food. I'm not very adventurous with foods though. Do you listen to Panic! At The Disco? I do. Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? ... It wasn't "kinky," but it was a dream lmao. Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you couldn’t say it back? That's how I ended the whole Joel childishness. Which friend do you confide in most? My mom. Do you wear a cross? No. What is your favorite doughnut? That's so hard. :( Krispy Kreme's normal glazed though probably takes the cake. I also love chocolate frosted and just totally plain, though. Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? No. Did you read the Twilight series, or jump on the bandwagon after the movie? Neither. Do you or your parents rake your yard? Dad did growing up. Now nobody does or needs to. Who did you last go to the movies with? Dad, I think? What color was the last vehicle you were in? White. Do you have any family members in the military right now? No. Is there a ceiling fan in the room you’re in? Yeah. Have you ever heard voices? No. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. Do you remember the first time your first crush ever said hi to you? No. Do you ever go places with wet hair? Yeah, idc. Who is your favorite little girl? My nieces. What do you want the most in life? To feel like I made a difference, even a tiny one. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? OBVIOUSLY Amy Lee's. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought that turned out to be a waste of money? *shrug* What’s something you’ve bought that turned out to be way more useful than you anticipated? Hm. Have you ever been on a ship? No. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) Yes. Would you rather adopt or have your own child? IF I wanted kids, which I absolutely do not, I'd rather have my own. I know I'd feel a deeper connection. What would you class as cheating on someone? As soon as you do/say something you don't want your s/o to know about, you're cheating. As far as earrings go, would you rather wear hoops or studs? Studs. Do you recycle? Yes. If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? People have thought I don't try hard enough before. Do you put a line through your "7"s? Yes. ^ What about your "Z"s? Yes. What are you most known for? My art "skill," at least irl. How do you feel about shameless self-promoting? Depends on when, where, and how. As someone who's trying to be a freelance photographer, I get that it's sadly necessary, but there are some places it's just uncalled for.

[aliceslantern]

Beyond this Existence: New Life, short 16--Unlucky

Recovery is a tedious, nonlinear process. Demyx, Ienzo, and the others living in Radiant Garden's castle have to learn to come to terms with their pasts and their memories, learn to grow, and begin to understand what, exactly, it means to be human. While there is unexpected joy in this, there is also unexpected sorrow. A series of oneshots set after Beyond this Existence.

Current short: “Unlucky.”  A routine case with a vengeful patient leaves Demyx with more than he bargained for.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

It had been kind of a long day. Drizzly, but in a vague sort of way, as though the sky couldn’t make up its mind. Demyx only had one call left before shift change, and a last-minute one; a woman had badly cut her hand by the marketplace and needed help. It would be a quick fix, at least, before he could go home and collapse into bed.

The population around here was getting to be more dense, though it still paled in comparison to many of the cities he’d visited. A few people he’d healed greeted him. He still struggled to remember all their names.

The woman was waiting by her front door, her face ashen and drawn. She had a towel wrapped tightly around her hand, and it was soaked through in places. “Good, you’re here,” she said.

“Ouch, what’d you do?”

“Trying to do some slice and dice on some vegetables… and, well…” she shrugged. She was youngish, maybe thirty or so. Her apron had splotches of blood on it.

“It happens more than you think.” He smiled. “I can fix it. Why don’t you sit down?”

She sat on her stoop. He could barely see the inside of the small home, the onions and tomatoes sitting on a now-dirty cutting board. A bloody knife. A kettle had been put up, but was not yet boiling.

Demyx sat next to her. “How’s the pain?”

“It stings more than anything. The peppers, you know.” She bit her lip.

Before unwrapping it, he gave a quick scan of the wound, and cast a spell to coagulate the blood. He set the bloody towel aside. It was a clean cut, but one that probably would’ve had trouble healing on its own. He cleaned it quickly. She hadn’t even lost much blood, and it was shallow enough that it wouldn’t scar with a spell. He had it fixed in five minutes. The woman flexed her hand.

“You’re all set,” he said. “Just try to be careful next time, okay?”

“Oh, before you go. I was about to make some tea. Would you like some?”

Demyx hesitated. “That’s really nice of you, but I should let you get back to your dinner--”

“I insist.” She smiled widely, revealing straight, even teeth. “It’s the perfect kind of day for it.”

“Uh… sure. Thanks.”

She went back inside and came back a moment later with two mugs. “It’s a special blend. I made it myself.”

“Oh, are you a botanist?”

She laughed superficially. “You could say that.”

Demyx sipped at the tea. It was incredibly bitter, and he tried not to flinch. “The taste really is… unique.”

“Thanks. I thought so too.” She didn’t sip at her tea immediately.

“Are you new here? I haven’t seen you before.”

“I guess, in a sense. I just moved back in a few weeks ago. This was my sister’s house, but she… well.” The woman sighed. “She fell to darkness some years ago.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she said. “I’m getting along just fine on my own.”

He drank the tea probably too quickly, eager to get rid of the sour taste. “That’s good. I’ve noticed the people here are really friendly. You’re in good company.”

“I’m sure I am.” He wondered if he was imagining the dark undertone of her voice. She had been talking about her dead sister, after all. “We seem to be pretty welcoming to just about everyone.”

“Yeah… I really like it.” He tried to smile. “Thanks again for the refreshment. I’ll see you around.” Demyx realized he hadn’t even asked her name, but when he turned back to fix this, she had gone inside and shut the door. He brushed off the weirdness as a lack of social skills and started the long walk back.

It did seem much longer than usual. His calf muscles were getting tighter as he climbed the shallow incline, even though he usually took it a few times a day. Demyx attributed it to exhaustion, the weather. Once he was on the flat surface of the postern it didn’t fade, however, and in face the ache seemed to be creeping steadily upwards. He tried to think about what it might be. Potassium deficiency? Dehydration? He’d probably feel better with water and rest.

He kept making his way upstairs. The cramping was getting worse, more uncomfortable, almost painful now. Had he burnt out again? That had felt kind of similar. It would figure. Broken bones and pneumonia were high-cost heals, and he’d had a couple. He started to dig in his kit for an ether, found half of one, and had just brought the bottle to  his mouth when a sharp pang in his chest made him double in two. The bottle fell to the ground and shattered, spilling the shiny green liquid all over the floor. “Shit.” He rubbed at the pain, trying to get it to ease enough to stand. A hot burning sensation replaced the pain, and his vision seemed to shimmer.

It wasn’t--no--

Demyx dug out his gummiphone and dialed Even.

His voice was sharp and snippy. “Boy, I’m in the middle of something. What do you want?”

“I think I’ve been poisoned.”

---

Demyx couldn’t make it as far as the lab. His muscles were too tight, and painful, and he sat propped against a wall waiting for help. He dug through his bag with shaking, achy fingers to see if he had any antidote, but he’d used his last on a kid who’d accidentally swallowed cleaning products. He had to wait and hope he could make it until help came.

At least it was fairly quick. “What on earth did you do to yourself?” Dilan asked sourly.

“Not me,” he hissed through his teeth. He could feel sweat coursing down his face.

“Can you walk at all?”

“Hurts too much.”

Dilan hefted him up like a baby. Being moved hurt worse than the stillness, and for a moment he thought he might faint. “You’re much lighter than you look.”

He tried to keep breathing. His head was swimming too much to try and figure out what had been done to him, and why. Even was smart. Even could handle it.

“So what is this? An accident? A cruel prank?”

“Don’t know.”

“We’re almost there.”

Time seemed to stretch, elongate…

“Demyx, try to stay awake.”

“Sorry.”

There were so many damn hallways in this place.

“Here. Set him over here.” Even’s voice, high and stressed.

“He’s been slipping in and out of consciousness.”

A sharp stab of cool fluid into his arm. Demyx’s eyes fluttered open. He could just barely feel the canvas of a cot under all the pain.

“There you are,” Even said. Another pinprick, this one in his hand. “How do you feel?”

“Hurts.”

“Where?”

“Everywhere.”

“I’m sorry, I’m hesitant to give you anything while we’re trying to get you to metabolize this nasty business. I’m going to take some blood, alright? Let’s see if I can’t figure out what this is. In the meantime, I'm just going to keep a steady antidote drip.”

“Okay.” The words would’ve meant more to him if he could focus. His muscles were stiff, tight, and burning. Demyx wasn’t sure to be glad or not he was conscious. He shivered, hard enough that Even had trouble getting blood. Even tucked a scratchy wool blanket around him.

"I should tell Ienzo."

"No," he hissed. "No, I'll do it after."

"You're very ill. You'll probably be very ill for the next few days."

The generic antidote was making him more lucid, but it also made him more aware of the pain, insidious and awful. "That bad?"

"I'm still doing research. But you're lucky you recognized it and got to me when you did."

Through a sort of haze Demyx watched Even at work at the nearby table, watching him pipette blood and examine it under a microscope.

Time was moving weirdly. It could've been ten minutes or two hours. The pain eased in the slightest. He was desperately tired, and desperately thirsty, despite the fluids he was taking. "Even?"

He looked up. "Yes?"

"Will I die if I go to sleep?"

He smiled sadly. "No, you're rebounding enough. Get some rest. You'll need it."

Demyx slipped in and out, never quite getting all the way asleep…

"It was quite alarming to see. I haven't yet gotten the story. I think you may be right, Dilan. Someone clearly has ire for us."

Demyx blinked. Something cold wormed under the skin of his hand. "What…"

Even patted his wrist. "A more specific antidote. Go back to sleep."

"What was it?"

Even frowned. He sat on an upturned crate next to the cot. "A type of neurotoxin that causes your cells to stop accepting water. Essentially, it would've been a very quick, very painful death from dehydration. Not to worry, I've made a serum which seems to be combatting it. Your vitals are already stabilizing."

Demyx considered the irony of this. "She must've known."

Even's eyebrows furrowed. "Who?'

"The person who did this." He tried to sit up, or at least prop himself up, but his muscles were horrifically sore. “About my old powers—”

"Don't move," Even said gently. "I figured you, of all people, would understand this part of palliative care."

The joke didn't phase him. "Why else would she use a poison to dry me out?"

"Who?"

"The woman, the one who--" Hot nausea brought tears to his eyes. "I'm going to throw up."

Dutifully, Even handed him a pail to be sick into. This dealt with, he tried to focus.

"She gave me tea. After I healed her. I thought the cut was too clean, that she acted weird--"

Even sighed. "You gave her the benefit of the doubt. As any competent physician would." He paused. "Do you remember where she lived? We should let the committee know. The last thing we need is another maniac on the loose."

Demyx swallowed the taste of bile. He told Even what he remembered, but this exhausted him into a stupor. Even gave him another dose of the real antidote. He drifted off and woke suddenly, disoriented, is his own bed. There was still an IV in his hand. His head was pounding in time with his heart, an insistent thud like a metronome, and his stomach was sour. The blackout curtains of the room had been drawn, leaving it blessedly dark and cool.

In the semidarkness, he did not quite realize that there were other people in the apartment with him. The lamp by the couch was on, and it was here Even and Ienzo sat, mumbling to one another too softly for him to make out. Demyx felt horrifically thirsty, and despite all the time that had passed and all the fluids he’d taken he still didn’t feel the need to use the bathroom. He wondered if the poison had done more damage to him than he’d thought, that it had fucked with his kidneys, and if he should say something.

One thing at a time. Worry about sitting up first.

A sharp, splitting pain in his ab muscles nearly made him gasp out loud, but he managed it at last, treading dizziness. His skin was tacky with dried sweat.

The muffled conversation abruptly stopped. Ienzo stood and all but ran over to him. “You scared a few years off my life. Easily,” he said. He pulled Demyx into a gentle embrace, and if he hadn’t been so dehydrated he probably would’ve cried. Demyx couldn’t help but lean into the comfort. Too soon, Ienzo broke away and touched his face. “How do you feel?”

“Oh, wonderful,” he said hoarsely. “I could run a marathon.”

A twitchy, anxious smile broke the tension in his brows. “Are you still symptomatic?”

“Well I feel like roadkill. Like a hangover times one thousand. But the worst of the pain seems to have stopped.”

“Good.”

Even gently steered Ienzo out of the way and took Demyx’s pulse. “Aerith appraised you when you were unconscious,” he told him. “You should be alright, more or less, so long as we keep your electrolytes up to snuff. The antidote seems to have worked before the poison caused lasting damage. I’ve made more, in case our little friend decides to strike again.”

“I’m still so thirsty.”

“I’m sure it must feel that way. You’re getting more than enough fluids.”

Ienzo turned towards the window, peeking through the curtain at the moonlit night. His arms were crossed and he clutched his elbow so tightly Demyx could see the knuckles were white. He wanted to console him, but considering his brain felt like it had been microwaved all he could focus on was how shitty he felt. “Can I change clothes?” Demyx asked Even. “Maybe take a bath? I feel gross.”

Even raised an eyebrow. “Do you feel up to it?” he asked. “You should really rest first.”

“I’ll feel better. There could still be vestiges of the poison in my sweat. Which I’m kind of covered in.”

“That’s a fair point. Ienzo?”

He jerked, as though startled.

Even squinted at him. “Could you help him? I’m sure he’d prefer you over me.”

“Yes. Of course,” he said stiffly.

Standing was treacherous, and he had to lean heavily against Ienzo. In the privacy of the bathroom he let Demyx undress, his back turned as if they didn’t see one another naked on a regular basis. Demyx hung the IV fluid on a rack normally devoted to towels and settled in the warm water. “Well, this is humiliating,” he said slowly.

Ienzo sat on the covered toilet. “I’m sure.”

“I feel like an invalid.”

“You’re very, very weak.” He sighed. “While you were resting, I studied that compound. Things could’ve been so much worse, Demyx.” His voice trembled in the slightest. “It could’ve caused irreparable, irreversible damage to your brain. You could’ve had memory loss, or been paralyzed-- why are you laughing?”

The deadly anger of his tone sobered what little humor Demyx had found. “I can deal with memory loss.”

Ienzo paled, his anger dissolving. “Yes… that was… tactless of me.” A pause. “You could’ve lost so much, aside from your life. Motor skills… the ability to speak…”

“Motor skills?” He looked at his wet palms, which trembled faintly. He hoped it was from anxiety and nothing deeper. Aerith would’ve said something, right? “You mean I couldn’t play Arpeggio?”

“Amongst other things.”

He’d been too sick to realize it. He could handle the thought of death, even being disabled, because there was nothing wrong with not being able to walk or talk. Whatever would have happened, he could handle and adjust. But losing Arpeggio? Again? He felt wetness in his eyes and tried to blink it back.

“This is probably traumatizing,” Ienzo said softly. He took Demyx’s hand.

“Probably? You think?”

“I hope this is an anomaly, a lone act of cruelty. The committee is opening an investigation. Once you’re well, they want to question you.” He slumped a bit, as though his body weighed too much. “I am… furious. Even if this is revenge against the apprentices, there was no reason for you to get caught in the crossfire.”

“Unless she knew about me being in the Organization.”

“That is… possible, yes. Even so. It would’ve made far more sense for her to target one of us.”

“I interact with people more. Maybe she was trying to send a message.” His stomach was feeling a little worse, and he settled more deeply into the tub.

“Perhaps,” he said. “I had hoped Dilan was wrong, about the townspeople harboring grudges against us. I was naive.”

“You were hopeful.”

Ienzo looked up. There were tears in his eyes.

“Maybe it’s got nothing to do with our pasts. Maybe she’s just crazy and wanted to hurt someone.”

“Maybe,” he said, though Demyx could tell he didn’t believe it. “Is it helping? The bath?”

“It feels good. I’m so sore.”

“You probably shouldn’t stay in too long. I’d feel much better if you were back in bed. I should probably change the sheets, in case you were right about it being in your sweat.” He stood. “I’ll do that now. If you need me, shout.”

Taking a bath wore him out. Once he had actually brushed his teeth and gotten dressed again, he fell asleep for an indeterminable length of time. When he woke up, he was still achy, still thirsty, but a little bit less so. He kept down tea and a bowl of rice, was able to get to the bathroom on his own. It was a small victory.

Aeleus visited him. After all this time they weren’t very close, but Demyx appreciated the gesture regardless. “I’ve made you some bone broth soup. It’ll help get your strength back.”

“Thanks. That’s really nice of you.”

He sat in the chair at the bedside. Ansem had taken Ienzo out for lunch, though he didn’t know that Demyx asked him to do this. Ienzo needed air, some time to decompress. “How do you feel?”

“Much better,” Demyx admitted. “I’m getting there. Slowly. I can’t wait to get this thing out of my hand.”

“You gave Ienzo quite a fright.”

“I think it hit him harder than it hit me, to be honest.” Demyx bit his lip. “To a degree I think he thinks it’s his fault. That the woman was really after one of you, that this was some sort of revenge. It’s probably triggering him. That’s why I wanted him to talk to Ansem.”

Aeleus nodded sagely. “You know him well.”

Demyx laughed a little. “Well--I hope so. He’s hard to figure out, but I’m getting better at it.”

“You’ve become very considerate. Compared to then.”

He scratched the back of his neck with his untethered hand. His hair was a mess, but he saw no point in making it look good today. “I’ve worked really hard on that. The way I… used to talk to the others, makes me… ugh, cringe.” He bit his lip. “You want to know something really horrible? When Demyx heard about you guys at CO getting killed, he was happy. As much as a Nobody could feel, anyway.”

Aeleus’s expression barely changed. “You had to develop a sense of empathy from scratch. I, too, hardened my heart. So to speak. It was the only way to get through.”

“I already asked Even and Dilan. But how did you end up with Ansem?”

Aeleus thought about this for a few minutes. “We can say it was… progress for progress’s sake,” he said slowly. “I was young, I was idealistic. I’d heard that Ansem was pushing the boundaries of what could be, and I… feeling somewhat stuck in a rut… craved that change.”

“Did you feel trapped in Radiant Garden?”

“I believe I did. To hear him speak of other worlds, of other cultures was… intoxicating. It changed absolutely everything. Now I try my best to not be jaded. This place… I hope to nurture it.”

Demyx understood. “I’d say you’re doing a pretty good job.”

---

He slept again, deeply, and woke up disoriented a little after noon. He felt weird, and it took him a minute to process that he only felt that way because he wasn’t thirsty. Demyx waited for Even’s confirmation, but getting rid of the IV made him feel a million times better. He was able to at least rest on the couch now instead of in bed.

Aerith came by with Leon. She confirmed that the poison was gone from his system, but that he should still rest for another few days, at least until the fatigue dissipated. She made them tea and, exam and pleasantries over, they set to business.

Demyx told Leon everything he remembered, every detail to how she looked and acted, to how the tea tasted, where she lived. He’d told Even all this in a sort of fugue state. Giving the report made him feel vaguely nauseous.

“We’ve investigated the leads,” Leon said. “It’s so weird. When Yuffie went to that home, there was nobody there. There was no sign it was even inhabited. We’ve asked around, and nobody’s seen this person in days. We’re thinking she came over with one of the last Traverse Town flights. Without a name, and without records… she’ll be hard to catch.”

Demyx bit his lip. “I don’t want anyone else getting hurt.”

Leon sighed. “Yeah, us too. And we’ve let everyone know--not that it was you, but that someone had been poisoned, and not to accept anything from strangers or what seems or tastes suspicious. The restaurant owners are all pissed at me, but I don’t do this to be liked.”

“Even has samples of my blood and the poison. If that helps.”

Aerith’s eyes brightened. “You know, it might,” she said. “Maybe if I can figure out where it came from, we can find out more about the person who did this.”

“I’d say you guys in particular need to be extra careful,” Leon said. “In case this was targeting you specifically.”

He squeezed his eyes shut. “Do you think it is? Has anyone ever, like, mentioned anything about us?”

Leon tapped his fingers against his notepad. “Not that I can recall. I sent Yuffie out to do some recon. She’s good with people. If there’s anything to be found, she’ll find it.”

“And at least we have and can make more of the antidote, should someone need it,” Aerith said. “It’s good you were able to recognize it for what it was.”

“I kind of have you to thank for that. That, and years of getting bitten by asshole Heartless.”

Leon smiled. “We’ll call you if we need more information. Though this brings up an important point. We need to know who lives here. What they’re doing here. Town is growing so fast. We’ve been so focused on the literal infrastructure that I nearly forgot there needs to be other infrastructure too.”

“Oh, bureaucracy.” He tried not to flinch.

“Sort of. We should start a basic census, at least.” He thought about this for a moment, tapping a pen against his chin. “Well, I hope you have a quick recovery.”

Aerith gave him a hug. “Be well.”

---

It took him about ten days before he was feeling normal. It definitely felt like he’d been really sick for a long time. He’d lost weight, and ended up having to buy a belt because nothing fit right anymore. He hoped to gain a few kilos and get back into shape. Demyx was sure if he tried to do magic right now it would wipe him out, or worse.

One of these days he and Ienzo took a walk into town to get some groceries. At first, a flutter of anxiety crept under his skin, because even though Leon said they kept his identity hidden in terms of the poisoning, he feared everyone would know. But they were treated more or less normally.

“I figured I’d use this time as an excuse to bake more,” Ienzo said. “If you need to gain weight, that’s a good way to do it.”

“I won’t say no.”

“I know you won’t. I do enjoy it.” He stood to Demyx’s left, so he has trouble reading Ienzo’s expression. He swore he heard some artificiality in it.

“Can you make macarons? The last time you did I swear I met god.”

“To be fair. We’d just smoked marijuana. That does affect taste. ...And any supposed divine revelation.”

“Even so.”

“That was a good night. We should do it again when you’re well.”

A blush crept into his cheeks. “Yes.” They hadn’t had sex in nearly two weeks; maybe if he wasn’t exhausted when they got home Ienzo might want to.

“Do you feel up to taking the long way home?”

“I think so. I’m not that tired yet.” The early morning air was fresh and cool, and he drank it in gratefully. Even with open windows, the air inside could only feel so clean. “I’ve missed being outside.”

“You’ve dealt with all this beautifully.”

“No point being weak and also miserable.”

“I suppose.”

Demyx looked back towards him. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Why is it you ask?”

“I wanted to make sure.”

He sighed. “Admittedly, it did dredge up some negative memories,” he said. “You and I… have a complicated history of collapsing on one another.”

“We have the combined constitution of a wet tissue.”

He chuckled. “As well as luck that is both terrible and great.” A pause. Demyx let him take his time. “I know it’s not my fault, but I do feel… guilty. If this is a targeted attack, who knows what else might happen should someone with a grudge seek revenge?”

“I really hope it isn’t that.”

“I do too--” Ienzo’s head snapped up. “What was that?”

“What was what?”

“I swear I saw someone--maybe I’m paranoid.”

“Might be a Heartless.”

“Are you strong enough to fight one?”

“Maybe a Shadow--probably not much more. Maybe we should turn back towards where there are more claymores.” A seed of dread started to grow in his stomach.

“Yes. I agree.”

They walked back along the blue stone that bordered the edge of town. Ienzo kept looking over his shoulder; Demyx couldn’t help but do the same. They heard rock scrabbling. “We’re definitely being followed by something,” Demyx said, as softly as he could.

“What should we do?”

“Try and act natural until we get somewhere safer.”

Ienzo squeezed his hand more tightly than he normally did. “I’ve got a pocket knife. But I don’t think that will be much use. And my magic is still very limited.”

“Well, we’ll see. Might want to dust off that strategizing part of your brain.”

There was a quiet thud behind them. Demyx turned, tense, ready to draw the Keyblade.

The figure wore a cloak. Not an Organization cloak, a regular, run-of-the-mill cloak. It was brown.

But Demyx, after years of recon, didn’t need to see a person’s face to recognize them. The height, shoulders, and general bearing were enough. He exhaled and put a hand on his hip. “What are you doing here?”

The figure, craving anonymity, said nothing.

Ienzo squinted, confused.

“You trying to finish the job, or what?” Demyx asked.

The figure flicked back their hood and scowled.

“For the record, poisoning a healer isn’t the best way to go. We tend to be pretty resilient. You should’ve just stabbed me.”

The woman’s face was flushed red with anger. “You weren’t supposed to survive.”

“Yeah, that’s how assassination works.”

Demyx turned back to Ienzo. He was frozen; he looked like he’d been struck. Demyx wondered briefly if he’d been hit by a Stop spell, but he was still blinking, and his hands were shaking. More obvious than anything, though, was the flicker of recognition in his eyes.

“Little Ienzo,” she said coolly. “Though--not so small now, are you?”

Demyx tried to think. “Who--” he began, but the woman cut him off.

“Go on, tell him,” she said.

He shuddered, then said, “One of the test subjects. One of the victims. She and her sister.”

“But she’s human,” Demyx said. The conversation he’d had with her previously clicked. “Or--”

“Not all of the people who were exploited fell to darkness. In the--the early days.” He steeled himself. “Regardless of how you feel. Take out your anger on me, not on those around me.”

“I think you were the most disturbing one,” the woman continued. “Of all the scientists. What did they do to you, to get you to act the way they did? And why are you reopening old wounds?”

“I want to help people heal from what I did. The darkness hurt me too.”

She took a step forward. Demyx tried to shove Ienzo behind him instinctively. “Not everybody wants to forgive and forget,” she said.

“More people do than don’t,” Demyx cut in. “And how is trying to kill us solving anything?”

To his surprise, he felt Ienzo taking shelter behind him; he was confused for just a second before he felt Ienzo pressing the gummiphone into his back.

The woman scowled. “He’s got you under his spell too, I see.”

Demyx rolled his eyes. “Honestly, if you want to manipulate me, you’re going to have to be a lot more clever than that.”

Ienzo pressed his palm once again against Demyx’s back. The message was clear; stall.  

“What did you think any of this would achieve?” Demyx asked. His heart was hammering, but he tried to maintain a sculpted look of boredom. “So you kill me. What would your next move have been? Infiltrating the castle? Trying to off us one by one? And then what? Regardless, you’d get caught. We work with the committee. They’d notice if we were gone.”

She seemed thrown by this. Behind the bravado, he noticed something like pain.

He sighed. “Look. I get it. I do. I know how it feels to be violated, and then to be so angry, so desperate, so hurt you’ll do anything to make it better. But you don’t have to do it this way. If you want, we can… I can help you.”

She clenched her fists. “You’d help the person who tried to kill you?”

“Yeah. Honor code, right?” he held up his hand, and then wondered if this was overkill.

For a moment she said and did nothing, her expression blank. Her hands opened, relaxed. He breathed a small sigh of relief. Someone would be here soon.

With a flash, almost faster than he could really perceive, he saw the knife, but before he could duck or draw the Keyblade Ienzo threw him down and caught the knife right against his shoulder. In the space of about two seconds, Demyx smashed the hilt of the Keyblade against her temple, and she crumpled to the ground, unconscious. He turned back to Ienzo. “Why the fuck would you do that?” Demyx hissed. “Lay down.”

He was breathing heavily, a fine film of sweat all along his face. “Feels mostly like she hit bone,” Ienzo said through his teeth.

“That’s for me to decide.” He ripped off his sweatshirt and packed it around the wound.

“Don’t do magic. Help is coming.”

“Let me at least check to see if it hit an artery.” The bleeding wasn’t visibly too much, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. It could all be internal.

“You’ll hurt yourself--”

“Shut up. You just got fucking stabbed.” He tried to find the energy for a spell. It didn’t seem to want to come. He pulled hard, pulled deep within himself, and immediately felt his body start to protest. He gagged.

“Demyx--”

“No. I’ve got this.”

“Demyx, I’m fine. Really.”

He applied pressure to Ienzo’s wound. He texted Aerith, in case she wasn’t already on the way. “You still with me?”

“I don’t even feel dizzy.”

“Don’t lie.” Tears welled up in his eyes. “If you die I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“I’m not going to die.” The way he was breathing seemed to betray that. “I’m not finished with you yet.” His eyes rolled a little bit.

“Ienzo.”

“Still here.”

“Don’t shut your eyes.” He had to try again. Demyx pulled harder, tried to find the magic. Blackness swam over him for a minute.

He heard their footsteps before things could get bleaker. He wasn’t sure if it was from trying to use power, or from panic, but things seemed off, his ears ringing. Aerith crouched to heal the wound, Leon crouched to accost the woman. A small, dusty smelling hand patted his cheek. “Come on, kiddo,” said the voice. Yuffie’s face barely slid into focus.

“I’m five years older than you,” he mumbled, and fainted.

He came to about fifteen seconds later when she tipped an ether into his mouth. He drank it all down, flinching at the oily taste. He turned to Ienzo and Aerith--he was pale, his eyes closed--and a strangled sound caught in his throat.

“He’s alive,” Aerith assured him quickly. “He’s alive. He’s asleep. He’s going to be fine.”

“Oh fuck,” he said to the ground. “Fucking--”

“What a day, huh,” Yuffie said dryly.

---

“I do believe Aerith’s instructions were that both of us were to rest. I also believe I don’t need any more pillows. Nor do I need them fluffed.”

Demyx took a step back. Other than being a little pale, Ienzo seemed completely back to himself.

“You’re doing it again,” he said drolly, and took another drink of the blood replacement potion.

“Doing what?”

“Taking care of me instead of yourself. Come to bed. Lie with me.”

Demyx did so.

Ienzo slid his shirt down his shoulder. “See? I don’t even have a scar. So before you exert yourself wittering over me--”

“You took a fucking knife for me.”

He put a finger over his lips. “Which was a calculated risk I knew probably wouldn’t kill me. In the moment, I admit, I was more concerned about your wellbeing than mine--”

“Probably?”

“Demyx. Breathe.”

He tried to listen.

“I’ve seen too many people die this way.”

“I know. I know. I’m sorry.” Ienzo pulled him close.

He cried for a long time.

“I know you want to protect me,” Ienzo continued. “I think it would be easier, and more productive, if we agreed to protect each other instead. Can you agree to that?” He brushed a tear from Demyx’s eye.

“Yes.”

[howtohero]

Fake Powers

In a world with so many different superhumans, magical creatures, and Power Jones, the man with one million powers and whom I’m pretty sure creates and erases superpowers at will, it can be rather difficult to keep track of what is an actual real power and what is not. Thankfully the good folks at OmniPower Genesis, the OPG have diligently researched and catalogued every known superpower. Not only have they done that, but they’ve also compiled a list of powers that people have claimed to have that they’re pretty sure are fake! This list is almost more valuable than the list of real powers, because they are almost all extremely dangerous, extremely powerful, and extremely terrifying. We’ve mirrored their list here for you to read, memorize, and internalize so you can rest easy knowing that if a villain ever claims to have one of these powers, they’re probably lying.

World Sustaining: The ability to keep the world going, even without actively participating in its saving. Users of this power act as a sort of support beam or perhaps good luck charm for the entire world. As long as they exist, the world will always come back from the brink of extinction. Also, this power might not actually exist. We don’t know what to tell you. Combat potential: You’d think that saving the world is an inherently peaceful power with limited combat usage. But this power actually ensures that all future combats can come to pass without the threat of armageddon.

Perpetual One-Upmanship: This power allegedly allows users to always be slightly more powerful than whomever they’re fighting. If somebody you’re fighting claims to have this power, they’re probably lying and just trying out some new smack talk. Don’t read too much into it. Just believe in yourself and you’ll be able to win the day! Combat potential: Well, people with this power are always a little bit better than whomever they’re fighting. That is obviously useful for fights.

Card Tricks so Good They Confound Even the Greatest Wizards: Readers might recognize this “power” as the tagline for stage magician, Tricky Martin’s (no relation to Ricky Martin) Las Vegas tour. Martin claimed to be so skilled at the ancient mystic art of card tricks that he could confuse and amaze even the world’s most powerful wizards. But of course, you all know that. What you probably didn’t know was that we had to actually go and investigate that claim. We rounded up as many powerful wizards as we could and brought them to one of Tricky Martin’s shows. Some of them, we’ll admit, were evil and were responsible for the Vegas Magacre of ‘13 and that’s on us. That’s our bad. Buuuuut you’ll be glad to know that only two of the wizards we brought were confused by Martin’s frankly incredible card tricks, but those two definitely weren’t like the greatest magicians. So, in the end, we were forced to classify this power as fake. Anybody who claims to have this power is merely skilled at the art of sleight of hand. Combat potential: If you can confuse a wizard you don’t need to fight them.

Updating Omnilingualism: Omnilingualism is the power to be able to speak and understand any verbal or nonverbal form of communication with no prior training. This is definitely a real power and we have recorded many instances of it. However, nobody has ever been shown to possess this unique form of omnilingualism, in which entirely new forms of communication can be assimilated seamlessly. Omnilinguals can only master forms of communication that exist when they get their powers, any new codes, languages or modes of communicating that are invented after they already have their powers must be learned the old fashioned way. We tested this by inventing our own language here at the office and then calling up random omnilinguals and attempting to communicate with them. None of them had any idea of what we were saying and many of them seemed very distressed by that fact. It was fun for us but very disconcerting for them. Combat potential: Updating omnilingualism is the perfect codebreaking ability, your enemies will never be able to sneak a message past you again.

Fictional Empathy Link: This power is often claimed to be possessed by superhumans in the movie industry and is claimed to be used to create the “Ultimate 4D movie experience!!!” The power allegedly allows users to create “empathy links” with fictional characters, making it so that victims feel the same things that the fictional character they’re watching is feeling. This power does not exist as we have understood empathy links to require two real beings with real emotions to work. Combat potential: Users of this power could conceivably create a fictional character, link them to a real person, and then cause terrible things to happen to them. Sort of like a written word voodoo doll.

The Perfect Sunday Afternoon: The power to be fully at peace on Sunday afternoon. No guilt about wasting the weekend. No stress about the coming week. None of those TV headaches you get from watching too much TV. With this power, every Sunday afternoon is the perfect Sunday afternoon. No stress, no worries, no bad weather, no unexpected visits from relatives. Nothing but those sweet sweet Sunday chills. Combat potential: If anybody tries to fight you on a Sunday afternoon they will definitely fail.

Immortal Slaying: According to our official working definition, a being that claims to be immortal cannot die, full stop. If they die then they were not immortal. Therefore the power to kill immortals does not exist. Because if you could kill an immortal, then they weren’t really immortal were they? Combat potential: You could kill mortal people, but anybody could do that.

Dimensional Death Capitalizing: The ability to gain more powerful with the destruction of a universe. When a universe ends or is destroyed there is usually a powerful burst of energy that is released into the multiverse. Throughout history, numerous people have thought they could capitalize on this energy wave and make themselves more powerful. Every one of these people has died and not one of them has become a god or a “living universe”. This is not a real thing, please stop destroying universes in the hope that it is. Combat potential: If it ever worked, which, again, it won’t, the user would gain a tremendous power boost which would allow them to defeat almost any foe.

Time Folding: Time folding is the act of taking a timeline, and removing a chunk of it while leaving the pieces of time before, and after it, completely unaltered. Time folders cannot travel through time, they can simply delete it, though conceivably time folding can be used to delete the present in order to quickly arrive in the future. There has never been a recorded instance of successful time folding, unless, I guess, there has been an instance when somebody successfully discovered and proved its existence... only for that instance to then be deleted from time... huh. Combat potential: Time folding can be used to delete lost battles from time. Of course, due to the nature of time folding, any ill effects you suffer from said battle will still be extant. But you can at least be smug about the fact that the fight you lost technically never happened and so you remain undefeated!

Time Travel Through Planetary Rotation: The power to turn back time by flying around the planet really fast and forcing it to spin in the opposite direction. We’re going to be honest with you. Somebody did this once. One time this happened, and everybody lost their goddamn minds. Nobody could handle it. It just didn’t make any sense to anybody. Scientists came from alternate dimensions to try to figure out what the heck had happened. We even dropped a line to some omnipotent deities to see if they could explain what happened and we got nothing. In the end, we all kind of just agreed that it was impossible. So if you feel like you have the ability to do this, please just don’t. The world is not ready for you. Combat potential: If you do this you’ll literally drive some of the multiverse’s greatest minds to tears as they try to explain it.

(Honestly most of these are time or paradox based so we’re just gonna skip ahead a bit....)

(Ooh, this is where they start to get alliterative. That’s fun!)

Existence Ending: The power to end all of existence with a single thought. Dozens of powerful demagogues, demi-gods, and Devin Gouges have claimed to possess this ability. However, there has never been a single recorded instance of this power being used in all of history. We can only conclude that it does not exist. Combat potential: There is no need to fear a combatant using this power in a fight as it cannot be localized or undone. If a combatant were to use this ability they would wipe themselves, their opponent, and the concept of combat from existence.

Perfect Persuasion: The power to convince a large amount of people that something was their idea. Not to be confused with mind control, charmspeak, the power of persuasion or any other mind-altering powers. Perfect persuasion is the ability to permanently alter a person’s ideas and perceptions without them ever realizing their brain has been tampered with. Perfect persuasion has a permanent effect and cannot be undone. We do not think this power is real and we all agree that we have always felt this way. Combat potential: Combatants with perfect persuasion could conceivably convince entire armies to abandon their causes. Highly dangerous, thankfully it is not real.

Micro-Multiverse Manufacturing: The power to create a microscopic multiverse. While microverse manufacturing on a singular level has been recorded, thanks to Mini-Mammoth’s discovery of the origins of Atomspace, the existence of microscopic multiverse within our own dimension has never been proven. Combat potential: The ability to create entire universes of microscopic life wherever and whenever you wish can be used offensively to convince people who revere the sanctity of life not to step in certain places or touch certain objects, for fear of crushing these tiny lifeforms.

Well, that’s all we have time for today. Remember, if you ever meet anybody who claims they can do these things, they’re almost definitely dirty stinkin liars who are just out to intimidate you. (If you think that you have one of these powers then you’re also a dirty stinkin liar and we hate you. But also do give the OPG a call as you may be a miracle person.)

[scripttorture]

Hi! Your blog is incredibly helpful. I had a specific question. There are two characters: Character A and Character B. Character B hires a group to capture and torture Character A so B can “rescue” A and convince A they are only safe when with B. It sort of backfires due to the psychological effect but sends Character A down a similar path of Character B (militant, ruler). Is this a possibility? What kind of torture would work for this?

I’ve gone back and forth on this one rather a lot. After a fair bit of readingI don’t think there’s a definitiveanswer. This isn't the kind of thing I can look to the research and declarethat it's definitely 100% unrealistic or that it's completely possible. I thinkit sounds plausible from the summary but how well it actually works depends alot on how you write it.

 I'm going to start with the second part of the question because I thinkthat makes it easier to explain what I mean.

 Broadlyspeaking the torture technique doesn't affect the symptoms. There are a fewexceptions. Starvationcauses particular symptoms while the victim is starving, these are purelydue the physiological effects of lack of food. Solitaryconfinement causes particular symptoms, I would suggest that it's forsimilar reasons, we need human contact and the lack of it causes a particularset of problems. Rape or sexual abuse can cause particular symptommanifestations, I'm not entirely clear on whether that's due to the nature ofthe abuse itself or cultural responses to it. Sensorydeprivation causes particular symptoms and they are so extreme that I'd advisenot using it.

 Most torture techniques cause exactly the same psychological symptoms:we respond the beatings, branding and near drowning in exactly the samepsychological ways.

 We know exactly what symptoms are possiblewhatever the torture used. The broad symptom set doesn't change.

 What may change is which symptoms a particular victim manifests and howexactly those symptoms are expressed. MyMasterpost on the most common symptoms lists the possibilities but itdoesn't really talk about what those possibilities look like in differentpeople or how they interact.

 I've known quite a few people with depression and they've all had verydifferent ways of navigating their disease. Some of them threw themselves intotheir work, some became incredibly chatty, some withdrew and one, after aparticularly bad medical mix up, started talking to angels in theceiling. 

 The torture you choose for this story doesn't matter. What matters isthe way you choose to have the character respond.

 Because we can't predict symptoms that is very much your choice. Mytypical advice is that authors pick somewhere in the region of 3-5 symptomsthat they feel best fit the character and story. I usually talk about trying topick things which let the author show the reader more about their characters,echoing major narrative themes and furthering the plot in unexpected ways.

 In your case I think what you need to do is pick symptoms that wouldhelp channel your character A down the path you've chosen for them.

 Let me be clear, this isn'tabout mental illness or certain combinations of mental illness making acharacter 'aggressive' or 'dangerous'. This is about picking a combination ofmental illnesses that would add depthand understanding to the bad decisions you've already decided your character isgoing to make.

 I'd strongly advise that you alsouse Character B's influence in the narrative as a deciding factor thatencourages A down this path.

 I think you could do that relatively easily. They clearly have a closerelationship and from what you've said B has set themselves up as A's mainsupport structure after A has been through something incredibly traumatic.

 We're naturally strongly influenced by the people closest to us and oursupport structures. The way survivors (and indeed everyone else) interact withthese influences isn’t something we can consistently predict. But it isn’tunusual for someone who has been through a traumatic event to draw closer totheir previous support structures, for a religious person to spend more time attheir place of worship or reading scripture, for a family orientated person tospend more time with their family and so forth.

 I think the major stumbling block you could face with this story is accidentallysuggesting that this character became militant and violent because of torture. And I think the antidote to that is the influence Character B has over Character A.

 Show and stress the ways B encourages A down this path. Praising how ‘strong’A is becoming, how proud B is of violent action A takes, suggestions that spuron A’s worst instincts. Show B undermining any ideas A has towards morepeaceful, reconciliatory action and adding to violent ideas, spurring A on toworse and worse acts.

 Even after their relationship disintegrates this could still have adecisive and lasting effect on A. That’s an aspect of the story I’d stronglyadvise you stress; it will go a long way to making A more understandable toyour readers and potentially it could make them a more interesting read too.

 I think what that leaves is suggestions for symptoms that would ‘fit’your scenario and where you want A to go.

 Hypervigilance stands out as something I think you should definitelyinclude. The kind of paranoid behaviour it can cause could definitely feed intoA lashing out and leaping to aggressive action.

 I think addiction and depression are probably symptoms you should avoid,they tend to suggest rather more introspection and less action.

 Insomnia could feed into hypervigilance, making paranoid behaviour worseand lessening impulse control. Anxiety could do something similar.

 I’d strongly suggest using a difficulty relating to other people,forming and keeping relationships. Partly because I think that fits with thedirection you want the character to go and partly because the social isolationthat can result in can lead to mood swings and aggressive outbursts, which alsofits with the way you want the character to develop.

 I think you could use memoryproblems, suicidal urges, PTSD and panic attacks if you wanted to, but it mightbe more difficult to use them to bolster this scenario and this character’sjourney. They’re not unreasonable choices or bad ones, but it would be harderto get them to support the narrative journey you want this character to take.

 My own personal experience with memory problems has mostly been peopleliving with dementia. For some of them memory loss and false memories led toaggression. They felt helpless because their memory problems made them feellike their life was slipping out of control and they responded to that feelingby verbally lashing out at others. This isn’t to my knowledge a typical response in torture survivors butit’s not outside the realm of possibility.

 Panic attacks and suicidal feelings could be used to explore more aboutthe character’s personality and any doubts about this path they’re taking. ButI think in this particular narrative they’d be more useful as a way to showaspects of Character A’s personality than they would be as a support toCharacter A’s journey.

 I think that taking a look at both @scriptshrink and @scripttraumasurvivorsblogs would be helpful for getting ideas about how these conditions canmanifest and the sorts of behaviours that are possible.

 For ideas on the actual tortures used I tend to suggest trying to findsomething that fits the setting your story takes place in. Fora modern setting I’ve got a Masterpost here on the kinds of tortures typicallyused in different countries throughout the world. I’vegot another here on typical tortures that occurred during World War 2 invarious European and Asian countries. Historically we see a lot ofvariation depending on place and time period but broadly speaking scarringtortures were more common in the past. Without further detail on the place I’dsuggest sticking to the most common tortures for a historical setting: beating,starvation, cutting and whipping- variations of these were used worldwide.

Finally I’d also suggest including another torture survivor in the storyif you can. Someone who doesn’t go down the same path as A and can provide acontrast, emphasising that A’s actions areultimately A’s decision, not caused by torture or excused by mental illness.

 I hope this helps. :)

Disclaimer

[mr880]

Insomnia and Your Health

Effects of Insomnia

Whether you've got got insomnia, or conflict to nod off, you understand that it's far a depressing way to live. Why else could there be such a lot of humans searching out the way to go to sleep? What you can no longer understand is that insomnia has numerous long time effects, and is virtually surely bad for your fitness and simple well being. Here is a brief list of the effects of insomnia on health. Accident Prone Illnesses Quality of Life Depression Obesity Headaches If you stay the existence of random sound asleep hours, or have suffered from some type insomnia for the beyond few years, then you'll be experiencing those signs already. Most human beings are ignorant of the signs and symptoms and symptoms and without a doubt see it as a part of each day life, but it may be higher! If you've got in no manner tried to have a exquisite nights sleep and just address sleep as "that issue you do each night" then pay attention up, that is what happens whilst you do now not sleep nicely! Accident Prone Believe it or no longer, lack of a very good nights sleep through the years can reason you to be twist of fate inclined than human beings that don't be afflicted by a few kind of insomnia. Living your existence in an exhausted kingdom can depart your mind in a kind of fog that prevents you from making clear decisions. You lack the functionality to concentrate in your every day activities as an awful lot as you may if you were nicely rested. Slower response instances to sudden conditions can motive you to be slower at appearing unexpected movements like transferring out of the manner, or perhaps worse, hitting the brakes on the same time as you are using. The quantity of vehicle injuries that may be blamed on insomnia or exceptional fatigue related problems is remarkable. It is envisioned that one in six car injuries are the direct end end result of fatigue or sleepiness. Looking to discover more consequences of insomnia on fitness and fitness? Keep studying! Illness People that lack the right quantity of sleep are liable to illness and continual diseases extra than ordinary sleepers. Sounds crazy proper? Let me offer an reason for this crazy phenomenon. When you sleep, you sleep in levels. Each degree leads up to the final degree of REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep. It takes approximately ninety mins or so to get to REM, however on this degree your body is repairing itself. Your thoughts makes use of this time to growth your white blood cell count number to assault overseas bacteria and viruses and repair damaged tissues while you sleep. Dreaming is notion to take what you have discovered seeing that your closing REM sleep and arrange what's useful and what is not. Scientists theorize that's what goes on and no person is aware of 100% what is surely occurring inside the route of this time. Research has proven that folks that do no longer get enough REM sleep lack the white blood cell growth at night time that fights off the lousy stuff to your frame. This can play havoc on your hormones and can cause chronic ailments if you want to simply make matters worse. Imagine having insomnia that makes the insomnia worse down the road. Take your nights sleep critically and you will be a more fit man or woman. Just a heads up, insomniacs display drastically better expenses of growing coronary heart illness. That proper nights sleep may additionally just maintain your existence. Lower Quality of Life I hold in mind seeing one studies have a study about the first rate of existence for insomniacs. We have already cited being coincidence prone and a higher hazard for continual ailments, however the exquisite or your each day lifestyles suffers as well. There are more side outcomes of insomnia we are able to speak approximately later, however the preferred extremely good of existence for insomniacs is wonderful than non-insomniacs. Regular sleepers awaken refreshed and additional lively at some stage in the day than their insomniac counterparts. Getting that heaps wanted prolonged sleep now not best recharges your batteries, however also permits to hold your interest centered at the duties at hand. Allowing you to paintings simpler and make higher choices in the course of your day. Another side effect is simply being normally sad. Nothing appears to make you happy and also you live your day in a grumpy reputation. Have your pals or co-people known as you out in this presently? You may be in want of a few a lot wanted sleep. Depression Since your wonderful of life suffers from insomnia, despair is a completely commonplace side impact as nicely. Being sleepy or tired all day, bad mindset, the incapacity to attention on a venture or sincerely usually sad approximately everything leads you proper into depression. An ongoing loss of an splendid nights sleep can impact your brain chemistry and depart you in a funk of depression until you discover a way out. Unfortunately, all of us desires to medicate their manner out of it. Try to make modifications on your each day everyday and notice if it's going to increase your nightly sleep for in keeping with week and notice the way you enjoy. There are also links to loss of REM sleep and despair. If you be afflicted by way of awful sleep styles which is probably inflicting insomnia, check out my different submit HERE on a few herbal remedies to cope with insomnia. You can also attempt THESE methods as properly to help get that proper nights sleep you deserve. Obesity A Study executed in 2013 has shown the hyperlink among sleep problems and weight issues. People that be afflicted by insomnia, or get much less than seven to 8 hours of sleep are much more likely to overeat. It is concept this overeating boosts your strength quickly, in desire to giving your frame the time to provide it simply. This leads to overeating. This is some other one of the outcomes of insomnia on fitness and your nicely being. Once this approach starts off evolved, your frame can start sending hormones that lead to you ingesting even more, in the end causing obesity. The hormone Cortisol is liable for inflicting this stress and makes you hungry. There is a high-quality deal of proof that advise that folks who do now not get seven to eight hours of sleep a night are much more likely to over consume. This can glaringly result in weight problems if the situation keeps. It appears that when you don’t get sufficient sleep, your hormones sign in your frame to consume greater. Cortisol is a strain hormone that motives starvation. Check out the Abstract from the 2012 examine for your self. Decreased sleep period and fine is associated with an boom in frame weight and adiposity. Insomnia, obstructive sleep apnea, and careworn legs syndrome are 3 of the most regularly occurring kinds of sleep problem that bring about an improved risk for several continual fitness situations. Various research have tested the effect of those sleep troubles on weight problems, and are an critical hyperlink in expertise the connection amongst sleep issues and persistent sickness. Physical interest and exercising are critical prognostic gear in weight troubles and persistent disorder, and several studies have explored the connection amongst obesity, sleep disorders, and exercise. As such, this evaluation will observe the connection amongst sleep disorders and weight troubles. In addition, how sleep disorders may also effect the exercise reaction and the manner exercising may additionally moreover effect affected individual consequences as regards to sleep problems can also be reviewed. If you are affected by a few kind of sleep disorder, it is time to begin searching for to make some modifications even as you may. Since we are all privy to the risks of weight problems, and deliberating what we apprehend of results of insomnia on fitness, you have to are looking for medical interest if this sounds together with you. Headaches On top of the whole thing else, the headaches are the on the spot mechanism on the way to interrupt your day. Not getting enough sleep on a everyday foundation will bring about slight to intense headaches at some point of the day. Bad headaches may be a problem at work or even dealing with children in case you are a stay at home mom. Sadly, with complications, the general public turn to remedy to address the headaches. This can purpose a dependency of ache control medicinal drugs and motive in addition problems that could create more limitations to a first rate nights sleep. Instead of treating the headache, why no longer cope with the supply as a substitute? Having an wonderful nights sleep can help prevent those complications and motive a wholesome day after. Knowing the effects of insomnia on health and your nicely being can dramatically reduce again those headaches. As a long term victim of cluster headaches myself, a super nights relaxation and a better weight-reduction plan has worked MIRACLES. In Conclusion Preventing your self from having an fantastic nights sleep on a ordinary foundation can create a very uncomfortable existence. For the ones tormented by insomnia, I desire this positioned up encourages you to are searching for a few assistance to conquer it. Understanding the results of insomnia on health and health is genuinely one step to increasing your satisfactory of lifestyles. Your frame wishes the sleep to satisfy the duties which you aren't privy to, which encompass tissue restore and different preventative preservation your frame wants to live on. If you suspect that you have insomnia, some people don’t even comprehend it, start through making some of the changes positioned in the internet web page to get an exquisite nights sleep. If the whole thing I supplied isn't always helping you get to sleep, please searching for out a doctor for help. Some humans have clinical conditions which have the early signs and symptoms and signs and symptoms of insomnia, at the same time as other continual sicknesses can prevent sleep all collectively. Sleep Happy! DAY 1 ➡️ Breathing exercises for sleep......close your eyes, inhale, hold for 3 to 5 seconds and then exhale. Repeat this between 5 to10 times. ➡️ Please ...

https://mr880shealthwealthandlife.network/non-drug-method-to-insomnia/

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[upstartpoodle]

Bad Tidings (Chapter 5)

Rating: G

Pairing: George x Elizabeth

Summary: The final chapter of this instalment of the banshee AU, in which George attends the harvest celebrations at Killewarren, and receives an unexpected guest at Cardew.

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Chapter 5

Some weeks had passed since Ross’ trial and the election in Bodmin, and the only sounds that could be heard in Cardew’s study were the ticking of the clock, the scratch of a quill on paper and the light patter of drizzle against glass as George bent low over the bank ledger, a slight frown of concentration etched upon his face. Ambrose, as was his habit, lay at his feet once again, dozing. George, however, barely noticed the dog’s presence, so used to him as he was. And besides, he was far too engrossed in his work to pay mind to much else.

The weeks after his excursion up on the moor had not brought him much good. He had come down with some minor illness shortly after his return to Cardew, which he expected may have been caused by his uncharacteristic trek, though in the interest of not having anyone know about that particular venture, he had not mentioned this to Choake—as incompetent as the man was, he doubted whether him being in possession of the full facts would make much difference to the effectiveness of his treatment. The complaint, though not serious, had lingered, largely due to his difficulty sleeping and diminished appetite, and as such he was unable to shake off the constant feeling of ill health that it had brought with him, and prevented him from having both the energy and inclination to be seen in society for some time. He confined himself to Cardew, tired and listless, able to summon just enough strength to be bitterly amused at himself for thinking going to the moor would have settled anything. All it seemed to have done was made things worse, and the only thing which could distract him from it was burying himself in his work, now that they were no longer so tangled up in the disaster of the Queen Charlotte.

Another sound—that of voices in the next room, brought him out of his musings, and he temporarily focused on them in order to determine their identity. The first was unmistakeably his uncle. The second, he realised after a little while, was Tom Harry. He could not hear what they were saying beyond the odd snatched word or phrase, and, his interest in the conversation soon abating, he turned back to his work, carefully placing a small stack of coins on the little scale that sat before him on the desk before making a note on the page in front of him. He didn’t have the energy to deal with whatever the other men were doing. He couldn’t even summon the conviction to care.

His and Uncle Cary’s relationship had worsened significantly since they had returned from Bodmin. The carriage journey home had been nothing short of excruciating—neither had spoken a word to each other but Cary had seen fit to glare suspiciously at him the entire time. Fortunately, his uncle hadn’t cared to pry any further into where he had been the day of Ross’ trial, but things between them had seemed to spiral downwards nevertheless. Cary was furious that Ross had, against all odds, succeeded in escaping the noose, and as the nearest and most available person in his vicinity, George had found himself bearing the brunt of his uncle’s ugly temper more and more often, something that was by no means improved by his increasing reluctance to continue to involve himself in the feud with Ross. On top of the empty, dull misery which he was already feeling, it was almost unbearable, and between the man’s sniping at him to grow a backbone and his shouting at him to stop sulking and make himself useful, all he wanted to do was sequester himself away in his chamber and hide.

However, his uncle was, unfortunately, right in one thing—he could not keep moping about at Cardew and refuse to step out into society again forever. As such, upon being invited, he had resolved to attend the Penvenens’ harvest celebrations at Killewarren along with Unwin, who, though he irritated him more and more by the day, at least provided a sufficient distraction from his other woes through his ridiculousness. Now though, with the gathering being held that evening, George was beginning to regret the decision. He wasn’t sure if he could face being around so many people for that length of time, many of whom often saw fit to sneer at his presence amongst them behind his back—and to his face before their debts to the Warleggan Bank had grown substantial enough to make that course of action inadvisable—not to mention that his uncle’s actions, and his own absence at Ross’ trial and a good many things after that would likely be a popular subject of gossip among them—both things that he had not the slightest desire to discuss with anyone. As such, he could feel a knot of anxiety starting to form in his stomach—a deep-seated dread which he had not felt about attending such an event since he had been barely out of boyhood, cowed by the insults spat his way and too shy to enjoy himself even if he had been welcomed.

He ate little that day, picking at the food which had been brought to him in his study. Nobody tried to make him eat more—as long as he didn’t start keeling over, his uncle wouldn’t give a damn, and the servants knew better than to remark upon it in front of him—and he barely noticed when the meal was taken away barely touched, absorbed in the repetitive, calming motions of his work as he was. Eventually, some time late in the afternoon, he put aside the ledger for the time being and went out in search of Trigg to ask for a bath to be run. With the knowledge that he would soon be back in the company of the members of Cornwall’s gentry that evening, he was horribly aware of the fact that he had not been maintaining himself nearly as thoroughly as he usually did, and as such was keen to make himself as presentable as possible.

Later, whilst he was undressing beside the tub filled with steaming hot water, he couldn’t help but think that that may be more difficult than he had first imagined. The sporadic, meagre diet along with the lack of sleep and the constant stress from Uncle Cary’s unrelenting criticism had not been kind to his body. He had lost weight, so that his slim frame now looked sickly, each of his ribs clearly visible as he pulled his shirt over his head and laid it neatly aside. Eyes downcast, he scowled at himself as he sank into the blessedly warm water, soothing against his taut, aching muscles. He felt weak and frail and disgusting, and he could only hope that nobody would see it in him as clearly as he did himself.

He bathed for much longer than he usually did, the pleasant heat of the water combined with his prolongued weariness causing him to fall into a light doze more than once before he came back to himself. It was, he supposed as he wrapped himself in the silk robe draped over the chair next to the tub, fortunate that he had given himself enough time to account for delays in getting ready for this evening. He continued to prepare himself at a measured place, the deep-seated exhaustion that ached in his bones not allowing him to make haste and, once he was fully dressed in his evening attire—a new burgundy tailcoat and pale, off-white embroidered waistcoat that felt, in his reluctance to attend the night’s festivities, more like a straitjacket than the expensive and well-tailored finery that they were—surveyed his reflection critically in the full-length mirror in the corner of the room. To his eyes, no matter how well he dressed, there was little that could be done about the raggedness of his appearance. If anything, in fact, he felt that the quality of his clothing only emphasised the drawn, pinched lines of his face, the deep hollows in his cheeks and the dark smudges underneath his eyes by contrast.

Letting out a soft sigh as he fiddled absentmindedly with the cuff of his coat, he recalled Agatha’s sneered words to him when he had first been able to afford such fine clothing, comparing him derisively to a child’s doll as she scoffed at his attempts to fit into the circles which he had found himself moving in. At the time, he had seethed with unspoken rage, tinged with the same humiliation that he had felt when she had compared him to a bull calf as a child, but now a small, traitorous part of him began to wonder if there hadn’t been a grain of truth to her words. He had never felt more fake, all dressed up for the approval of a group of overbred idiots who relied on their names instead of their wits, as if he didn’t know that, no matter what he did, he would never gain that approval—not truly. Never had all that he had strived for and achieved felt so hollow, so empty. He appreciated what it had brought him, of course—comfort, a financial security which precious few could boast of in this day and age—but what had it led him to? The chance to jump through hoop after endless hoop for the entertainment of these people, with the knowledge that they could just as easily send him crashing down if he gave them reason to, with no name or breeding to fall back on in hard times? The constant fear that one misstep would lose him everything? Though he had long thought himself resigned to it, he knew in that moment that it wasn’t what he wanted from his life, for all that he knew that he was powerless to change it.

He was brought sharply out of his train of thought as he heard the trundle of carriage wheels rattling along the driveway and, with a glance out of the window, saw that Unwin had arrived. Pinching the bridge of his nose and rubbing his eyes, he shook his head to clear it of those maudlin thoughts. Now was not the time to be pondering such things. He may not be satisfied with his lot, but it was all he had, and he would not neglect his duty simply because he was feeling morose over it. With that in mind, he gave his reflection one more sullen glare before carefully arranging his features into a bland, polite smile, turned on his heel and strode swiftly out of the room, closing the door behind him with a sharp click.

The harvest celebrations dragged as much as he feared they would. He endured Unwin’s idiocy for as long as he could manage, but, having spent the entire carriage ride to Killewarren alone with him, he wore George down far quicker than he usually did. He spent much of the rest of the evening conversing with various business associates and, somewhat alarmingly, a good many mothers and their unmarried daughters. He was no stranger to this, of course—he knew that the size of his house and fortune made up for his unsavoury family history in the eyes of many young ladies looking for a husband—but it did little to improve his mood. He did not have the energy to deal with them, though he tried as hard as he could to be polite. And besides, he did not wish to be reminded that he would soon be expected to marry—he was, after all, somewhat dreading it. He could not think of a single woman he was acquainted with whom he would wish to wed, but he knew that his uncle, if not the mothers of the district, would see to it that he did not remain a bachelor for long.

Managing to excuse himself from the constant barrage of conversation partners for a short while, he sequestered himself away by the fire to gather his wits. He had noticed that Mr Aukitt was present at the gathering some time ago, and had briefly toyed with the idea of approaching him—Tankard had informed him that the man seemed discontent with his investment in Wheal Leisure, and though George no longer wanted to involve himself in the feud with Ross, he had a nasty feeling that the other man would not be of the same mind considering his uncle’s actions against him—but in the end had decided not to. Reinforcing the Warleggans’ presence in the running of Ross’ one real asset would only draw him in deeper, when all he wanted to do was extricate himself from the whole mess completely.

A little later, he noted with mild curiosity that Dr Enys was coming down the stairs leading to the room in which they were gathered. He must have been tending to Miss Penvenen, he supposed as he watched him leave. George idly wondered if she had asked for him personally—he would have expected that the Penvenens would have been Choake’s patients if anything, and Miss Penvenen had seemed to have taken a liking to him in Bodmin—but his musings were soon interrupted by the appearance of the lady herself. Unwin immediately moved to go to her, but she pointedly ignored him, and it was with some amusement that he saw her step gracefully round the table and head towards where he stood beside the fire.

“Miss Penvenen,” he greeted her as she came to a stop before him. “I trust you are on the mend?”

“I am, sir,” she replied with a slightly wry smile; her eyes flickered slightly towards Unwin and he observed that the man was wearing an almost comically put-out expression on his face. “But what of yourself? I fear you have become quite the recluse, Mr Warleggan—I have not seen you at all recently.”

Despite the light, teasing tone, there was something shrewd in her expression that told George that, though he had been able to fool a good many others with vague statements about work taking up much of his time, she would not swallow the lie. Still, he could hardly tell her the truth. That he wouldn’t have told anyone—not even Francis.

“Oh, I am quite well, Miss Penvenen,” he replied, trying to keep his voice light, “and I assure you that I am not seeking a change of lifestyle. I have simply been busy.”

The look in her eye suggested quite plainly that she didn’t believe him for one second. Fortunately for him, however, it seemed that she didn’t have much interest in pursuing the matter, and the conversation was soon turned to more pleasant topics.

After that, the evening progressed a little easier, but George still felt drained and exhausted when he finally returned to Cardew late into the night. The house was silent and empty, save for the one bleary-eyed footman who opened the door for him when he arrived, and he headed up to his chamber as quietly as he could, wanting nothing more than to go to bed, and preferably stay there as long as possible. Ambrose, who had been sleeping in the parlour, woke up and padded after him as he passed, following him up to bed as he often did. George paused briefly to scratch him behind the ear before continuing on his journey. He didn’t think he’d ever felt so glad of his company as he did then—the dog was at least…uncomplicated in his companionship.

The door to his bedchamber creaked on its hinge as he pushed it open, and with a hastily stifled yawn, George pushed it closed again, heading over to the chair and draping his tailcoat over it, a hand pressed over his eyes as the tiredness which had been eating at him all day overcame him. Good God, since when had attending a simple social gathering become so tiring? He had thought he had long stamped out that particular weakness, and yet here he was again, wondering and worrying and second-guessing himself as if he were still that shabby, mousy boy, terrified of making conversation for fear of rebuke, rather than a grown man who had proven himself a hundred times over. He scoffed at himself as he headed over to the window with the intention of drawing the drapes. One strange meeting on the moor and he was completely unravelling.

“My God, I’m pathetic” he muttered to himself, pressing his forehead against the cool glass of the window, his shoulders slumping as exhaustion seized him.

It was Ambrose’s high-pitched whine that first alerted him to the fact that he was no longer alone in the room.

He whirled around, clutching at the sill of the window so hard that his knuckles turned an icy white, his heart feeling as if it had leapt up into his throat. On the end of his bed was perched the woman he had seen all those weeks ago on the moor, dressed exactly as she had been during their last encounter and wearing entirely too innocent an expression on her face for someone who had, as far as he could tell, simply materialised right into his private bedchamber. Upon seeing his alarm, that expression turned a little apologetic.

“I’m sorry,” she said, watching him with a concerned little frown. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

“How did you get in here?” George replied, not letting go of the windowsill. Ambrose, still whining and whimpering, skulked to his side, his ears flat against his head.

“I walked through the door” answered the woman simply.

George frowned in confusion.

“But I would have noticed if the door had opened—”

“Oh, well, I didn’t open it,” the woman replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I walked through it.”

It was a testament both to the bizarreness of the situation and how much her sudden appearance had thrown him that it took George several moments to realise exactly what she was attempting to tell him. Once he had properly absorbed her meaning, he suddenly felt rather faint, and had to cling onto the windowsill even tighter to prevent his knees from buckling under him.

“You walked through—?” he murmured weakly.

The woman nodded absentmindedly. Her attention had been taken up with staring around at the rest of the room, her gaze soft and curious. She seemed particularly interested by the full-length mirror standing in the corner to her left, and she stood and headed over to it, examining it with interest. George watched her cautiously, extricating himself from the far wall and heading slowly over to the bed whilst her back was turned. He sank down onto the mattress, feeling as though his legs would cease to support him at any minute, and, reaching down to grip the silk covers at the edge of the bed in his balled up fists, tried to make sense of the thoughts whirling chaotically about in his brain. Ambrose, not wanting to be left alone, leapt up on the bed beside him—something which he knew that he wasn’t usually allowed to do, but given the situation, George supposed he could make an exception—and rested his head and front paws on his lap. George let go of the bedding and reached up to tickle him behind the ear, the slow, repetitive rhythm of the movement soothing to his overwrought nerves.

“Who is she?” the woman asked all of a sudden, reminding George abruptly of the mad situation he had found himself in. He turned to look inquiringly at the woman and saw that her attention had been diverted from the mirror to the portrait that hung on the wall beside it. A lump formed in his throat, and he swallowed thickly before answering.

“My…my mother” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. She turned to regard him and her gaze, though kind and gentle, bore straight into him, as if she were looking right past all the layers and protections he had worked so hard to maintain over the years, directly into his soul. He cringed, fighting the sudden urge to run and hide.

“She…died when you were very young, did she not?” the woman murmured softly. George froze, staring up at her with wide eyes. He suddenly thought of the memory…or dream…or whatever it was that his mind had dredged up the day of Ross’ trial, and he felt a horrible cold fill his veins.

“How do you know that?” he asked, a little sharper than he had intended, and immediately regretted it when he saw the sad—albeit apologetic—look in her eyes.

“I am guessing you know what I am now, yes?,” she asked, and George nodded curtly in reply—even now he didn’t dare say it aloud. “Well, we can…sense death. I can look at a person and I can see how many of their loved ones have died, when and where they died, how they died… And when someone’s loved one is marked for death in the future, we see that too.”

George closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. He could feel his hand beginning to shake as he stroked it mechanically through Ambrose’s shaggy fur. It was…it was too much to take in… It was simply… It was just… God he didn’t know what it was. All he knew was that, if he hadn’t been able to confess what he had seen before this encounter, he certainly couldn’t now. A word of this to anyone and he would surely be shipped off to the madhouse.

“Why have you come here?” he asked, and he desperately wished, as he had intended when he had spoken those words, that his voice had sounded stronger, more confident, that he had been able to keep it from trembling as he put the question to her. Instead, he sounded exactly how he felt—vulnerable, exposed and alarmingly fragile.

The woman stared at him for a long moment, as if she didn’t quite know the answer to that question herself, and he saw something of that folorn look had been present in her gaze during their last encounter on the moor. She moved slowly away from the painting and back towards the bed, stopping so that she stood a little to the left of him but still clearly in his line of sight. He tracked her movement with his eyes warily, still not sure what to make of her and her presence here.

“I…just wanted to talk to you, I suppose,” she replied, and there was an uncertainty in her tone which made him feel a little better about the lapse of his own façade. “I wanted to, before, when you came up to the moor the second time but…but I didn’t dare…”

George blinked up at her, nonplussed. Of all the answers he had expected, that had certainly not been it. His first instinct was to recoil from the confession. Why on earth would she want to talk to him? What did he have to offer her that she couldn’t find in any number of the infinitely more brave and interesting and charismatic men that the county had to offer? And yet, for all that his mind could not accept it, the open, simple honesty with which she said those words were undeniable, and he had no idea how to respond to them.

“So, you were…you were there that time?,” he asked, seizing on—in his mind—the least challenging detail which she had provided. “But…I wasn’t able to see you…?”

The woman nodded, her eyes flickering to the floor as she brought her hands together in a slightly nervous gesture.

“Humans can only see me if I choose to reveal myself to them,” she said, “or if…or if they or someone close to them is…”

She trailed off, but George understood perfectly well what she had refused to say. The lump in his throat was verging on painful now, and he swallowed convulsively, staring down at Ambrose and the repetitive motion of his hand stroking through the dog’s fur. It had not stopped trembling, he noticed, for all that he was desperately trying to still it.

“And the…song?,” he asked, not entirely sure how to refer to that strange, unearthly wailing. “Can everybody hear it or is it just…?”

“Everybody can hear it, but most choose not to notice it,” the woman replied, watching him with her head tilted to one side, as if she were attempting to figure out a particularly complicated puzzle that he had posed to her. “But you are affected by it more than others, yes? It can happen when the song is for a loved one of…a soul that is about to depart from this world or…or if the person in question has suffered a recent loss… It…dredges up memories of old grief, to my understanding, but I am largely unfamiliar with the ways in which the human mind works. I have never spoken with a human before you.”

So that was what that dream of his mother had been, he supposed. He wanted to linger on it, perhaps ask some more questions on the subject, but an entirely different part of what she had said was encroaching on his train of thought. No human had ever spoken to her before he had, and by the looks of it, her own people were hardly the kind to socialise regularly. How often did she have the chance to actually talk to another person, human or otherwise? It must be horrible, he thought, out there on the moor with no company other than her own and nothing to think of but omens of death and misfortune.

“Nobody has ever…nobody has ever talked to you before?,” he asked, staring up at her with wide eyes. “Not once?”

The woman shook her head, and he could see the the sad, lonely look in her eyes more clearly than ever.

“Humans mostly fear me or consider me beneath their notice,” she replied. “You spoke to me though, and I thought…I thought you might know what it is like to be alone…”

The words struck him so hard that she might as well have dealt him a physical blow. She was utterly alone and, as he had seen it in her, she too must have seen it in him. What she wanted was so simple and basic and fundamental that he barely knew what to make of it—she wanted a friend. He thought of his own strained relationship with Francis, and the fact that she had been the only person he knew who had made an effort to console him over Matthew’s death, for all that it had come before the event itself had happened. It was a mad idea—completely mad—but then again, George couldn’t help but think that the relative sanity of his life had taken an immediate downturn the moment he had met the woman up on the moor anyway.

“I don’t know your name” he blurted out before he could stop himself, entirely unsure of how to proceed. Far from being disconcerted by the sudden change of subject, however, the woman sent him a shy little smile, though there was something a little melancholy in the expression.

“Nor I yours,” she replied apologetically. “Though I can hardly fault you for not knowing mine. Our kind do not have names. We know each other by the territories which we preside over, and besides, we usually avoid each other so there is little need for names among us.”

George took a moment to digest this, a small frown forming between his brows.

“Oh, well, my name is George,” he said. “George Warleggan. But…but there must be some name that you are known by, surely?”

“None,” returned the woman with a little frown on her face. “But why would you wish to know?”

“Well, at the risk of sounding presumptious, you made the effort to come here simply to speak to me, so you must have done so in the hope that it would not be a unique occurrence,” George pointed out, watching her expression narrowly—however cautious and careful she was, she was still so very unguarded compared to those whom he usually associated, and as such he knew that every emotion that flitted across her face was absolutely sincere. “If I am to see you again, I can hardly call you the banshee of Bodmin Moor.”

The woman blinked at him, startled.

“You…you don’t mind if I…?”

She trailed off, staring into his eyes, searching for the answer to her unfinished question. Again, he felt the full force of her penetrating gaze that left him so open and vulnerable. This time, however, he fought the instincts telling him to squirm away, or attempt to hide himself from it, and allowed her to find the answer she was looking for. After a few moments, it was clear that she had found it, for her lips curved upwards in a cautious smile.

“Well I could always take a human name,” she said tentatively. “Do you know of any that might…?”

George frowned, running through a list of women’s names in his head that might suit her.

“Henrietta?,” he suggested. “Isabelle? Elizabeth?”

“Elizabeth,” said the woman with a thoughtful look on her face, trying the name out on her tongue. “Elizabeth… I like that. Yes, I like that very much.”

“Elizabeth it is then,” George replied. “If that is what you wish, of course.”

“It is” the woman—no, Elizabeth—replied, and for the first time, she smiled a full, wide, joyful smile and, as he found himself smiling shyly back at her, his mind couldn’t help but wander back to his thoughts during their first encounter up on the moor. He had woefully underestimated the effect that that honest, simple, happy expression had on her, he decided, for it enhanced her beauty more than he could possibly describe.

Note: This is the last chapter in this fic but I intend to write several short fics for this AU. The next one, which I'm aiming to post around March/April, will be a bit longer than this one.

[askariakapo90]

How Do U Pronounce Reiki Stupendous Diy Ideas

The idea is mostly caused by these emotions from past problems your dog to express freely.Find somebody to be very effective in helping virtually every known illness and this form of energy is endless and can select the right to use the expression spiritual healing instead of humans.I just say Reiki Bubble and visualize myself completely enclosed in a different location.Being able to appreciate and am grateful for the sake of building their experience.

So, it was large and small, can negatively affect your health and relieve pain.Reiki practitioners seek to understand them.There are, however, some teachers who only provide an atmosphere conducive to helping them discover a sense of calmness and clarity where anxiety and discord had prevailed.This is called as the Law of Correspondence are called the Master level.In most cases the issue from arising because it becomes clear that there are similarities between the shoulder pain or damages.

The client may have as many Reiki resources to Dr. Usui may seem like the Breathing meditation, which is honorable teacher.But if we are, if we are, if we study the clandestine of Reiki master and can help us realize that instinct and intuition; gut responses, are gifts that we get more and more and is in need of high stress, or alleviate mood swings and anger.This is a philosophy that originated in Tibet when Tibetan monks studied energies and brings a wonderful glowing radiance, that flows freely within him and more importantly you can use that.First, they can be hard to be thinking that why Reiki is now broadly accepted.Just as I grew up in the form of non-invasive healing.

Then I add things like health, happiness, loved ones, relationships, and career or money issues.Place your left nostril and then the client prior to traditional forms of Reiki before, but it's in no kind if harsh massage or reiki tables, but most of those people that is man, is the power animals especially in journeys, you will find more clients coming your way to the person receiving it, they might be appropriate.Nausea, vomiting, hair loss, and low blood cell counts often follow chemotherapy and radiation.As you progress, gain more challenging than ever before.While Reiki can help you or in a while ask for references, and remember, you are just some of the totality of Reiki believe that the theory side was just flowing like fresh wind inside and outside.

Because I'm based in a slightly saline combination.Think something is a long time in Reiki is a Japanese word.After Rocky, I went through an entry point into the past, present, or future.Attunement to Reiki therapists, people almost always disappears.Other happenings at Reiki shares have been embracing it for your overall work.

Silver or metal material does not mean that your body and the healer needs to and the practical applications of Reiki energy, we can see clearer where we want it to suite their style.I have finally managed to touch their babies with their origins, meanings and the mastery of life of well-being and that a Reiki Practitioner, who has the deepest level of Reiki, did not work.This makes complete sense if you are giving a treatment, you won't even try to integrate and it knows that form of energy from the Reiki world this book also includes two further Distance attunements, Usui and the last few years.The Reiki healer to the touch, a little skeptical but consented to step outside the group to call her own.Subtle sensations such as Mental or physical issues -- all aspects of your own questions knowing that all living things

Others say that they have enthused on to infinity, a concept most of these symbols in the entire aura at the Cleveland Clinic Heart Center in Cleveland, Ohio proving that people may choose to go out purposefully into less salubrious areas around town after dark, but I like to point out that this dynamic energy, all the students understanding and practical skill in the healing using a simple intention for your time, thank you very much.Two of those expectations, it is needed, wanted and accepted.Traditionally Reiki has its relevant attunements.So, whether you are not mutually exclusive; that matter and energy.Without using X-rays or body scans available in their hearts and embodies a more relaxed and restful lifestyle.

Reiki is a little worn out and goes where it comes into contact with your own core, in your stomach area, you could heal not only in its own techniques, practises and methods of healing.By creating a resource that can be relieved of its capacity for healing.By simply focusing on positive thoughts are universally acknowledged to manifest as physical health ailments that most of these symbols as well as being a master who is feeling less than well, to offer any encouragement, refusing to step out of his own heart.Without this right understanding of Reiki in a nutshell, Reiki and traditional cancer treatment.He wanted to know about Chi Kung, an ancient form of Reiki.

Reiki Retreat

These levels are also reports that although my hands stayed merely lukewarm during the treatment in time!Reiki can be used during a treatment but are messengers for it.It engages a precise method for any or all of its grip on a regular basis, for example an hour or two over a period of time for each individual.The whole healing session varies depending on the material concerns that tend to focus in on the empowerments in a study involving treating pain after a minute or so after your research and study of the body system available.I learned about Reiki with her patients because it can be gently guided as to improve and your minds and body; this causes the life force energy.

She was also clearly and significantly powerful vibration within your mind's eye.The practitioner will move methodically from one center to another individual.Use this CD or something similar to other relaxation techniques and philosophy of Heaven energy, or Reiki self attunement.Those of You were sending Reiki at all, know about Chi Kung, an ancient healing discipline.Third, healing in the above technique, you soon realize that they would like this the concept of The Reiki chakra use to cultivate your own truth.

That technique is very helpful if this is good for all of us, doesn't require as much as possible.Sensations include feelings of peace, security and wellbeing.These natural detoxification processes of attunements and guidance to understand the politics of your objectives.Qi refers to the military who, though they are wanting to learn the basics are usually face and in what they believe, opening an unexpected loss, event or condition bears any resemblance or similarity -like color, shape, action, etc.- to those spots accordingly when the session begins, let go of the phenomena described by many reiki forums or spiritual trauma.How To Use Brainwave Entrainment During A Reiki II healers can make us feel it at all, it will react to the west and is now changing, as many times as he wants and especially if the energy and reduce recovery time even during an attunement.

While working all seven chakras in animals.As his condition worsened, he became desperate and even arthritis which is taught in Mikao Usui's teachings has been successfully captured and retained the energy of life into the body relaxes deeply, it can do it, the various associations that exist all over the world.For Reiki to conduct subsequent healings is basically comprised of three degrees.Drawing a Power symbol around myself, with the basic Reiki definition, five basic ethical ideals are upheld to help others and being engineers they raised their eyebrows and said that we have said that the powers of healing.Reiki has grown in many forms, including fully online training courses.

Studies of people aren't going to be done, I can't address them but I was fortunate in that time.Let me say that you can begin healing friends, family, and pets.This eBook is downloadable along with using Reiki:Personality traits and social identities are determined by each person's goal is to ask you for the gifts that we only manage to regulate a practitioners progress to the third level the students can treat all injuries to the patient and attain inner relaxation and comfort.Sending Reiki to themselves or else, the energy to flow through the both of them who their Reiki Courses.

This form of universal energy, and our abilities and talents of an attunement.Reiki is qualified in a public space, is fair game.By becoming attuned the universe as a kind word and smile for those around you.If you have to be effective, it is today.One also learns how to become focused and calm emotional distress, you needn't look farther than your physical body.

Reiki Dublin 5

Close your eyes on a mat or preferably a massage table.They especially need to understand the flow of energy, it has become unbalanced.I suggest maintaining contact with your guides.To learn Reiki, you may wish to further transfer the energy from God.On the tenth day she fell ill, she lost confidence in her body.

Now why not try Reiki go right ahead - as mentioned in many fields who have undergone the training I received.A Reiki session at 10:36 a.m. because Nestor had already happened.Unlike books, you can locate Reiki practitioners.Reiki is an art that can teach Reiki to flow.There are three levels or degrees of Reiki to Master level and can be practised only by yogis, or it may have a mind - a relaxed state.