#it’s thursday this just seems like a friday sort of post

[voiceofchange]

A list in progress of any resources for minority groups and anyone else affected by the election results

Helplines:

US Trans Lifeline: (877)565-8860

US Suicide Hotline: call or text 988 (available 24/7)

SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration): 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (available 24/7, confidential help)

Trevor Project: Call (866)488-7386, text START to 678-678, or chat online

Warmlines (helplines that do NOT call the police):

Call Blackline800-604-5841 Centers BI&POC, LGBTQ+ Black Femme Lens *Note: they also have an app.

Trans LifelineUS - 877-565-8860 Canada - 877-330-6366Run by and for trans people *Note: there are hours restrictions. They are generally open Monday thru Friday, 1 PM – 9 PM Eastern. Also, they have Spanish language options.

Wildflower Alliance Peer Support Line888-407-4515Run by trained peer supporters*Note: they are open specific hours, too — 7pm to 9pm ET Monday through Thursday & 7pm-10pm ET Friday through Sunday.

StrongHearts Native Helpline844-762-8483 Centering Native Americans & Alaska Natives*Note: focused on domestic / intimate partner & sexual violence. You can also chat with them online or via text.

Thrive Lifeline313-662-8209Trans-led and operated *Note: this is primarily a text line, but it is open 24/7 and focused on people from marginalized & forcibly oppressed communities (including disability & neurodivergence).

LGBT National Help Center888-843-4564 *Note: there are hours restrictions. They are generally open Mon-Fri 4 PM - Midnight/eastern time & Sat Noon - 5 PM/eastern time. They have specific lines for coming out (888-688-5428), youth (800-246-7743), and seniors (888-234-7243). Also, they have an online peer chat, which is open Mon-Fri 4 PM - Midnight/eastern time & Sat Noon - 5 PM/eastern time.

Please, add on any sort of organization, petition, hotline, places that will assist with healthcare (getting procedures, paying for medications, abortions), any form of advice, any assistance for people who are fleeing red states to blue states or leaving the country, any charities, communities, or anything not listed. I will add it to this list. I am still writing this list, and will attach a link to an organized google doc and maybe a visual for these resources at a later time. I will continue researching and finding ways to help, I am just posting this now to get these lines out there for those who need them now.

My askbox and direct messages are free, feel free to contact me personally. *Note that I am only one person. I am not available 24/7 and am not a crisis line. I am also not great at wording advice, but I want to provide comfort to anyone I can.

Remember- we will get through this. We have before and we will again. They can't erase us. Stand strong. Outlive that orange bastard. This isn't the end, no matter how much it might seem like it is.

[hanleiacelebration]

Han/Leia Appreciation Week 2024

WE'RE BACK, BABY! "Wait, what's happening, wasn't this in August??" you might wonder. Based on your feedback, we decided to host this and (probably) future editions of Han/Leia Appreciation Week earlier in the year. July seemed like the better choice, given that it's a vacation period in both hemispheres!

This year we're also giving you the prompts over a month in advance, so you have plenty of time to plan and create!

Han/Leia Appreciation Week was an event originally hosted at @han-leia-solo between 2016-2019, but for the past three years, we've taken up the mantle here at @hanleiacelebration 😊

💖 How does Han/Leia Appreciation Week work?

The event will run from July 14th to July 20th, and there will be two different prompts each day that creators can fulfill with: fanfic, fanart, gifsets, graphics, fanvids, headcanons, crafts, playlists, rec lists. You’re encouraged to tag your posts with #hanleiaweek2024 so we can reblog them! After the week is over, we’ll share a masterlist with links to the works.

You can show your appreciation in many ways; however, please keep in mind that it has to be a creation of yours of some sort, e.g. don’t repost other people’s fanart, gifs, or unedited pictures. Rec lists should include a link to the original source both for fanfic and fanart (more on this after the cut).

🎆 The prompts

Sunday 7/14: Tradition / Ceremony

Monday 7/15: Braids & Bloodstripes (hair or clothing) / Home planet

Tuesday 7/16: AU / Canon divergence

Wednesday 7/17: Force / Belief

Thursday 7/18: Favorite scene / Favorite quote

Friday 7/19: Meeting / Escape

Saturday 7/20: Free day!

You can use only one of the daily prompts, combine both, reinterpret them, or skip the day if you can’t think of anything. If you’re not able to post on the same day for a prompt, you’re still encouraged to share it through the week—just don’t post works for a certain prompt before the day corresponding to that prompt.

💠 💠 💠

FAQs and Rules under the cut - please read!

💕 Can I post my work to another site and share the link on Tumblr?

Yes! This is a good option for people who might want to create explicit art that could be taken down on Tumblr, write a long fic or multichapter, or make videos or playlists.

💕 Does it have to be a new creation? Can I finish and post a WIP?

It has to be something that has never been posted anywhere else before, so finishing and sharing a WIP is okay! If it doesn’t fit any of the prompts, you can share it on Free Day.

💕 Is this event open to all ratings?

Yes! Just remember to use a “Read more” cut if you’re posting the whole work on Tumblr, and to add a note at the top if your work is rated Mature or Explicit, as well as if it has any major trigger warnings, so all folks can safely browse through the entries.

💕 Are there any length or quality requirements?

There’s no min. or max. length for fanfic or quality level for art, but please note that AI-generated works won’t be accepted. For gifsets, there’s a minimum of two gifs (that must be made by you!). For playlists, there’s a minimum of five songs. For rec lists of fic or fanart, there’s also a minimum of five recs. Some more questions you might have about rec lists:

- How do I share someone else’s art without posting a picture? You might post a thumbnail that crops a preview of the piece; if the piece has a title, you might use that; you might describe it; or you might say something like “this piece by [artist]”, and link to the source.

- What if I found a fanart on Google? Try to find the original source using reverse search image.

- What if I can’t still find it, can I just say “credit to the artist”? In that case, please just don’t share the piece.

- What if I know the artist but don’t have a link to the original source? Naming the artist and linking back to where you found it is okay, in that case.

💕 Can I write for canon/Legends and include other pairings?

All canons, time periods, headcanons and AUs are welcome, and you’re allowed to include side pairings, except for R*eylo. However, keep in mind that this is a Han/Leia appreciation week - at the risk of sounding repetitive, works should focus on appreciating Han and Leia’s relationship!

💕 What’s the time zone for the event?

Please don’t worry too much about time zones: when we say “day”, we always mean “whenever that day is for you in your part of the world”. IE: if it’s Monday for you, you can post your work for the Monday prompt.

💠 💠 💠

Do you have any other questions? Don’t hesitate to send us an ask or to message one of the mods: @lajulie24 @hanorganaas and @otterandterrier

We can’t wait to see what you all create!

[studentbyday]

so the week is half over and i'm kind of feeling low on energy and needing lots of sleep, which is the perfect opportunity to (sort of) try out einstein's daily routine (which is tbh the most personally palatable daily routine of a famous person i've ever chanced across)! i've been waking up at nearly 9 anyway since lately my head spins and i feel sick if i don't sleep like 9-10 hours.

So yeah, wake up at 9.

Between 9 and 10, eat breakfast and read the newspapers fiction

I know after breakfast he was said to often walk to Princeton and arrive by 10:30 or smth but (a) I don't go to Princeton, and (b) these days I study at home, so instead I'm just going to do some form of exercise.

~10:30 to 1pm: work study

have lunch (i read somewhere that he spends 1.5h on lunch and tea? i wish i could have a lunch and tea that leisurely but i do not have the time. so i won't.)

afternoons: receive visitors and work study

also afternoons: naps if needed (tho thankfully i seem to have enough energy to last me through the day if i get 9-10h of sleep... also i just don't think i'll have much time for naps. 🙁)

~6:30pm: have dinner [and clean up]

after dinner: more work study if needed (most likely needed)

sleeeeeeeepppppppp [be ready for or in bed by 9 or 10]

i'll update this post later to let you know how it goesss~

i hope you're feeling better than i am this week 💗🤒

~the aforementioned update~

ahahaha i don't think i did a very good job of following any routine this week. on wednesday i slept a little later than usual and ended up waking up at 10am (i didn't set an alarm for some reason). on thursday i set my alarm for 7 and then 8 and then 10 because i had to finish reviewing the last of the microbiology for the midterm and actually woke up at 9:30. and on friday i want to actually wake up somewhere within the hour of 7am so i can hopefullyyyy finish all my schoolwork for this week?? despite the seeming slowness of einstein's routine, i always feel like i'm rushing when i wake up when the sun is already up and most everyone else i live with is already awake, so i'm going to try this again over reading week but change the wake-up time and stick to it dammit— 😤

also i feel like if i'm gonna be posting on tumblr again, i should post my screen time stats for accountability because for some reason whenever i start making stuff for social media, my screen time goes through the roof bc i get so distracted and like oh wait there was this thing i want to add no wait where was i— (as i got lost in a scroll.) and this happens multiple times. but sometimes i do feel very much like yapping and when i'm in this mood, i could yap for days on end so i gotta find a solution...

just LOOK at this horrendousness!!!

also. there was so much material to cover for the microbio midterm it was insane. i feel like i need to follow the 80/20 rule. like...just prioritize the big topics, don't care so much about the extraneous, minor details so i only expend energy for and fill my brain with what i really need to know. and i'm not sure how good flashcards are for that because it just seems kinda random, the order in which cards are thrown at you in anki, and i'm the kind of person who, at least during the first pass, compulsively desires to cover everything, and so what do you think happens? i end up with a massive “stack” of flashcards, including cards about minor/extraneous details. every. single. time. i'm not entirely sure how i want to navigate this yet, but i'm definitely gonna try that 80/20 rule...bc this was just too stressful 🥲

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Happy late birthday!!! I hope you had a good day and had a fun time <3

I don't know if your wips are open yet cus it doesn't say so, but you just posted something related so idk.

If they are, could I have some Vampdrew? Or some Angel Neil?

Either way! Lots of love <3

WIP Wednesday (9/18) | Guardian Angel Neil AU (Part 234)

"So what? Neither are these," Andrew says as he lights a cigarette. He takes a drag and blows out smoke; it curls in the cool evening air then dissipates. "But I like them."

Neil takes the gum out of his mouth and it burns to nothing in his hand. A slightly fruity scent joins Andrew's cigarette smoke as the angel picks up the sandwich. "Thanks."

While they sit there, Andrew considers the pros and cons of being an angel. For every good thing seems to be canceled out by another. Neil can make himself invisible, but he has to because he's not allowed to talk to people. He can summon a magical knife, but he's terrified of it. He doesn't have to eat but he evidently feels hunger, based on the huge bite he's taking. Andrew flicks ash and lifts his cigarette back to his lips. He thinks the umbrella-shield and the angel fire must have drawbacks, he just hasn't witnessed them yet.

"D'you put jelly in this?" Neil asks suddenly, his voice thick with peanut butter. Andrew doesn't think it should be endearing, but alas. He's weak.

"No. Didn't have any." Andrew answers, causing Neil to pout slightly. Before Andrew can call him out for being a choosing beggar, he realizes Neil has literally never asked him for anything. Not for himself. He only asks for things that pertain to Andrew's well-being. The idiot. Neil sets his sandwich on his thigh and grabs for the water bottle, taking a long sip. Andrew watches his throat as he swallows.

Once they're both finished with their unnecessary vices— can a peanut butter sandwich be a vice, Andrew wonders— Neil burns the paper towel Andrew had wrapped up and stares into the flame in his hand with an unreadable expression. Andrew gives him a look. Is he about to find the bad side of Neil's fire? No, evidently not. Neil just blows the pile of ash out of his palm and moves to lie down, looking up at the sky.

It's far too early for stars and they're sort of hard to see from here anyway, thanks to all the light pollution. But Neil just keeps staring up at the fading daylight. A few moments pass and suddenly a plane is overhead, leaving wispy white streaks behind it. Andrew watches it until it's out of sight and thinks that it's like Neil. No matter if he's visible or not, there's always angelic contrails in Andrew's mind. It's sort of nice, having Neil to think about instead of the rest of everything in the world. The future, the past. Fuck, even the present is annoying to think about for too long. But Neil makes it worthwhile, even if he's a bit pissy the court is off limits till Friday.

That's right, Andrew remembers gleefully. There was no practice today and there won't be tomorrow either. Or Thursday. Oh, what a wonderful world to live in. No practice, just Neil and— Oh, fuck. Tomorrow's Wednesday. Andrew chews on the end of his cigarette as he considers his next session with Betsy. He's not sure what they'll end up discussing, but he knows she'll inevitably bring up Neil. She's his favorite subject at the moment, after all. (Andrew's too, but no one needs to know.)

Speaking of Neil. Andrew is once again fully convinced there's a gorgeous, snarky, angelic asshole lying next to him right now. He knows Neil is here. He's seen him eat and drink and sew and there's the knife mark in the roof still. And the Butcher exists and Kevin met him! He has all this evidence, he believes in Neil. He's 99.9% sure Neil's here. But there's the tiniest, tiniest bit of doubt in the back of Andrew's mind and he wants it gone.

[film-in-my-soul]

Oblivious | 10,166 | Stevieschrodinger / @stevieschrodinger

Summary: Everyone knows that Steve and Bucky are a thing. Everyone, that is, except for Steve.

dark into the heat | 10,247 | Nonymos

Summary: Steve breaks everyone out of Azzano, then goes back for one last prisoner who might not be quite human. Everything is going to go just fine.

Circularity | 11,724 | dharmashark / @dharmasharks

Summary: Steve runs his underground cybernetics shop with two rules: 1. Don’t get involved with HydraCorp. 2. Don’t get personal with clients. But when a mysterious cyborg shows up at his front door, Steve decides that some rules are worth breaking—especially if you can take down a big bad mega corporation in the process. (And if said client just so happens to be unreasonably cute.)

Say it louder for the people in the back | 14,864 | redhook

Summary: Steve operates a glory hole. One of his regulars starts to get under his skin.

Please see below for more recommendations!

The Run and Go | 14,960 | lupus (khaleeseas) / @khaleeseas

Summary: When Bucky Barnes first meets Steve Rogers, Bucky's standing half-naked in their apartment complex's laundry room. It's 2 a.m. on a Friday night (or is it considered a Saturday morning?) and for once Bucky is way too sober for all of this. The next thing Bucky knows, Steve is everywhere. Being hot and sarcastic and nice and overall perfect and Bucky is kind of totally and completely screwed.

Caramel Macchiato | 15,450 | littleblackfox / @thelittleblackfox

Summary: "You ate my bees," Bucky says. Because his own tongue fucking hates him.

wipe the blood from your face and your hands | 15,735 | AustinB / @cornerficus

Summary: It’s weird. The whole fucking thing is weird. Steve’s sitting across from a vampire in a diner under harsh fluorescent lighting, and he still looks like a fucking GQ cover. Steve wonders if biting creates some sort of bond like it does on T.V. Maybe he should’ve asked that question before consenting to it. “Do you have some kind of telepathic connection with me now that you’ve drank my blood?” Bucky snorts into his coffee. Steve finds it oddly endearing.

imagine being loved by me | 20,247 | spacebuck / @spacebuck

Summary: Just after 1am - a few hours after he posted today’s photo - he hears the tell-tale sound of a twitter message. Bucky grabs his phone, not checking who it’s from as he opens it because it’s probably one of his mutuals yelling at him as per usual. When he actually looks at his phone, though, it’s not Natasha The ‘verified’ check stares back at him for a long moment before he can even bring himself to process the name on his screen. Steve Rogers is messaging him. Or, he reasons, a very good fake. The handle looks right though, not that Bucky knows. Not that Bucky has Captain’s America’s tweets set up as notifications, or that Bucky’s own display name is set to captain america’s bitch. Not at all. Hey, the first message says. It’s Steve.

Paper Tree | 21,391 | Ellessey

Summary: Bucky just laughs and shoves another bite of egg in his mouth, giving Steve a shrug and a full-cheeked smile. He's so damn cute Steve wants to shout at him, but he can't seem to say any of the right things. "Shoulda got you a comb for Christmas," is what he comes up with instead. "What did you get me?" It's Steve's turn to shrug now, and if he looks more terrified than cheeky as he does so, he can only hope Bucky doesn't catch it before Steve hurries out the door.

Controlled Release | 21,836 | steebadore / @steebadore

Summary: Bucky's just having a little trouble...finishing. Completing the mission. He can squeeze the trigger but he can't make the shot is what he's saying. Which is why he's here, loitering outside a nice brownstone in Park Slope, trying to find the courage to knock on Captain Come Control dot com's door for his three o'clock appointment. You know, just normal Thursday things.

I Just Want to Love You in My Own Language | 22,436 | agetwellcard / @agetwellcard

Summary: Bucky Barnes is Captain America and uses terrible pickup lines. Steve Rogers is Captain America's nurse and is not impressed by the aforementioned terrible pickup lines.

During Business Hours: A Filthy Coffee Shop AU | 25,116 | samanthahirr / @samanthahirr

Summary: Unemployed artist Steve takes a job managing the worst coffee shop in Brooklyn, where the floors are greasy, the coffee beans have expired, the espresso machine’s been sabotaged, and the owners might be Russian Mafia. But the job comes with a few perks, like a generous paycheck, reasonable hours, and one super-hot customer whom Steve can’t resist having dirty, filthy, bad-idea sex with in the bathroom. Steve is pretty sure this job is going to kill him. But what a way to go....

One Caress | 26,160 | fuck_me_barnes / @fuck-me-barnes

Summary: Steve's rarely been touched in a way that didn't equate to some kind of hurt. The cold metal of a stethoscope against his frail chest or the sting of a needle drawing yet another blood sample, when he was a sickly child. The bone-shattering punches thrown by the neighborhood bullies on the playground, or by his own father at home, drunk and wild. His mother, weak and clutching at him as she grew more incoherent with the drugs as the cancer ate away at her insides. Touch was something he shied away from, something he told himself he just didn't want. Except...he did. He just didn't know how. Until he finds a flyer for a local "affection and intimacy services" program.

Season of all things | 26,466 | Claudia_flies / @claudia-flies

Summary: Steve really isn’t sure about sharing with an Alpha but he is starting to run out of options. There are only six Omega boarding houses in the city and Steve has been kicked out of four of them.

Trust Enough | 27,374 | geneticallydead

Summary: “Saturday. Yeah, that’s good,” Steve says, and actually scuffs his shoe at the ground. Like a ridiculous shy superhero damsel. “Say eight? I live-“ “Yeah, big building with the A on it,” Bucky says, and can’t help a big stupid grin. Steve stares at him, looking a little dazed, and after their whole conversation it’s only now that Bucky’s brain catches up and realises Steve finds him quite attractive. So. Win for Bucky. “Let me get your number,” Steve says finally, after they’ve stared stupidly at each other for about three hours, taking out his phone. So they exchange numbers, and then Steve says he should go, and Bucky agrees, and they kind of stare at each other for a bit more, then Steve actually does go, but not before taking Bucky’s hand and squeezing it warmly in a way that makes Bucky want to shiver all over. Then Steve is gone, and Bucky is standing alone in the alley, grinning to himself. Right up until the moment he remembers that Steve thinks Bucky is an escort he’s just hired. Well fuck.

How To Embrace A Swamp Creature | 27,625 | littleblackfox / @thelittleblackfox

Summary: Steve washes his hands with the sliver of soap left by the sink, and takes a long hard look at himself in the mirror. The cut on his brow has scabbed over, and the bruises around his eye are blotchy red and sore to the touch. Stupid. His hands are no better, and he grips the edge of the sink to keep them from shaking. The scabs on his knuckles open up again, blood welling up starkly against his bone white fists. He holds them under the running faucet and watches the water circle the drain before pulling himself together. Just a little bit further, a little bit longer

Through The Open Window | 28,661 | 74days

Summary: Steve Rogers gave up on joining the army and worked for Stark Industries writing policy letters by hand. It's a dull job, right up until the office across the fire escape is given to an attractive stranger with one arm and no personal boundaries. Was going to be PWP but then there was like... a little plot? Steve and Bucky if Steve & Bucky never met as kids, I guess.

Agent Rogers | 31,348 | Stevieschrodinger / @stevieschrodinger

Summary: The Winter Soldier has been captured and is being rehabilitated. Steve Rogers really likes his job in the Shield archives.

The Daily Rogers | 32,154 | Nonymos

Summary: College AU. May contain exchange students, a Starbucks addiction, daddy issues, anger issues, closets and how to get out of them, the ever-ominous influence of social networks, various levels of betrayal, awfully poor life choices, but also, ultimately, real chunks of love.

miles to go before i sleep | 34,079 | obsessivereader / @yetanotherobsessivereader

Summary: Vietnam vet Bucky is just trying to get a hot meal, and maybe a job, in the small town of Hope, but the local law enforcement has other ideas. When their brutality triggers a flashback, Bucky snaps and escapes from their custody. Hunted, exhausted, injured, he finds shelter for the night next to a cabin in the middle of the woods. He means to be long gone before the cabin's occupant awakes. Things don't turn out quite the way he expected.

we are the things that we do for fun | 35,585 | Nonymos

Summary: Going to a professional Dom may be one of the weirdest things Bucky’s ever done. Especially since this skinny Steve Rogers guy doesn’t really look the part. But hey, they might just find a way to make this work.

The Devil's Acre | 40,636 | littleblackfox / @thelittleblackfox

Summary: “I’m sorry, you want me to what?” Steve sits back in his chair and tries not to glare at Hill across the conference table. “Track down a cryptid.” Agent Hill repeats, tossing a dossier onto the table. Steve has to stretch out an arm to reach across for it. “A cryptid,” Steve repeats doubtfully.

only one my arms will ever hold | 41,561 | wearing_tearing / @wearing-tearing

Summary: Like most stories about Bucky Barnes and his questionable and sometimes terrible life choices, this one starts because he decides not to listen to Natasha’s cryptic and mostly annoying advice. He decides not to listen, and he hunts down and kills a deer during that month’s full moon run with his pack and leaves its dead body on Steve Rogers’s front step. Steve, the man Bucky kind-of-possibly-maybe-absolutely is in love with. Bucky would try to smother himself after that one, but he’s learned that werewolves are hard to kill.

Karma's A Fake Orgasm | 51,637 | daisymondays

Summary: There’s another abandoned mug, festering with mould in the living room — Steve offically has the world's worst roommates. And complains about them. Often. Bucky, tired of his lack of action, decides it’s time to avenge Steve's sleepless nights and unsanitary conditions once and for all. They’ll pretend to be the world’s most annoying couple: excessive PDA, loud fake sex, and general repugnance. The plan sounds easy enough; it will be strictly platonic. Or will it?

Like the Tide | 53,950 | Deisderium

Summary: There's no SSR anymore. It's SHIELD, now. The worst part is, it's named after him in some way, Peggy's idea of a memorial to honor his sacrifice. He hates the thought of it, because it makes him feel like a hypocrite. His shield was only ever a prop, not something to base an agency around. But he's been mythologized differently. They give him files to read on this thing that Peggy and Howard built, and his story is a part of it—or anyway, the story that Peggy and Howard chose to tell about him. It shouldn't matter; they thought he was dead. They never thought he would see what they turned him into.

Catchweight | 56,418 | notlucy / @notlucy

Summary: For the most part, Steve’s life is fine. Sure, his job is tedious, he lives with his mother, and he can’t quite get over thinking he’s wasting his potential, but maybe that’s just part of being twenty-three. Then, one day—one totally dull day—the archetypal cliche of a tall, dark, and handsome beefcake walks up to his counter, bringing with him more questions than answers, and a duffel bag full of cash.

Through The Woods | 64,082 | VenusMonstrosa / @venusmonstrosa

Summary: There’s a legend in Mansewood, nearly as old as the town itself, about a pack of werewolves that once lived in the forest. They say only one survives; a monstrous and snarling beast with fur like a blizzard and fangs the size of daggers. They say it guards the lands and all creatures in it, and no hunter has faced it and lived to tell the tale. Steve doesn’t care about any of that. He only wants to know if it prefers T-Bone or ribeye, and would it please stop tracking dirt through his house? He just mopped the floor.

Master Reclist · Personal Masterlist · Blog Nav.

[n4talia-chaparro]

"Omg 5 days without posting?! Lmao so funny."

Yeah I get it >|:/

I wanted to make this post cuz a lot of you were so "CoNcERnEd" about me and the allegations made by the anons. And well in case people wanna find "info". I kinda don't care if people wanna keep attacking me and shit but yk. I have to speak up and explain.

So I wanna start by saying that what I did last Thursday and Friday was very retarded and dumb of me and I highly apologize once again. I was not in the right mindset and it was never my intention to ignore anyone's advice. I have been mentally unstable and stressed that I couldn't focus. Yeah. I was having anger issues and a meltdown. I couldn't control them so I'm apologizing for the way I acted that time without thinking straight. It's not easy to be a CU artist because of what's happening and I admit it's not easy for me to be perfect like you guys wanted me to be. I tried everything yet you guys seem to judge and shove words in my damn throat.

About the allegations... the anons were also after one of my moots so I wanted to explain and debunk them. It's giving me a headache and overwhelming the living shit out of me.

(BTW pls I do NOT encourage harassment or any sort of threats to anyone mentioned in this post)

The grooming: this allegation is false. I'm sick of seeing them throwing the allegations around like it was some sort of volleyball-type shit. (I'm A MINOR !!! Not a adult-)

The reason why they were spreading those is because of my grooming situation I had a few years ago when I had 9-11 (and UNSUPERVISED). It all started on amino and I met my groomer. (I'm calling them M cuz yea). M and I were close friends and we used to talk. My groomer was a Krupp x Melvin shipper, a pro-shipper obviously, they would force me to do NSFW roleplay and art based on their favorite ship. (Keep this in mind I was younger at that time and I never knew how to say no to them) and they even guilt-trip me and stuff just make me feel bad and well. They would often force me to ship them too...yikes...

One day we argued and their friends decided to cause drama in the group chat. They pointed fingers at me and called me a predator. Again I was 9. I wasn't aware of what proshipping is until age 12. A lot of shit happened. I got threats, harassment, etc. And at the age of 13-14 I was groomed by someone different um yayy...:/// I was never taught about the internet safety.

And that's where the "Natty is a groomer" bullshit came from :/

I'm 16 now and to this day I keep receiving those rape threats and stuff over my past and then seeing people spreading those is dumb. The anon even went to Linavloger's blog to send a rape threat and told her I was gonna groom her. This is fucking disrespectful. Lina is Younger than me, she's fucking 13. I find it disgusting that you guys choose to tell her that. It's gross for fuck's sake. What is your problem????? For the love of God stop spreading that allegation. Not only you are making me uncomfortable but also the others who were involved. Literally, stop.

My trauma is not for you to joke with it or use it as a shield. It's gross that people are making fun of me for that. No I mean yeah. My past wasn't great because I met people who already sexualized me too many times but it doesn't mean you have to bring it up and tell everyone about it. :"(

The sexualization: The anon mentioned that I sexualized Harold in one of my videos which is again funny yet bullshit because according to them it was because of a pride month pin and small accessories..

When I say pin i meant this- 😭

Like I'm so sorry but how is this sexualizing him? It's a Pride Month pin. A PIN. How the fuck can yall be this stupid. It was an old video and you took it so seriously????? Like what???? Have you read the 12th book??? There's no way you think it's sexualization when it's Harold with an MLM pin.

This also goes to the AGERE subject. I do NOT normalize nor promote ddlg. There's a difference between ddlg/ageplay and an ACTUAL coping mechanism and I'm tired of hearing this bullshit over again like stfu so uh.

Ddlg/ageplay is where random ass adults roleplay as children and do weird shit.

Agere on the other hand is where someone reverts to a young mindset to cope with trauma, stress, severe illness, or disorders. (Mainly a safe way to cope ofc)

These are the differences between them. You cannot just tell me it's the same shit dawg. 😭

The "ripping off" thingy: another thing that I wanna address is about the au :/

The anons that I dealt with were just infini-tree fans/supporters and tree house members. Well idk. They may sound like whiney little cunts but still-- my AU does NOT have any similarity with THAT. Why would I steal ideas from someone who BLOCKED me for no reason and sent her fans after me??? No really how? How can a blocked user steal ideas if they can't see, or interact with the post (like & reblog)? Be real y'all. You may seem ridiculous if you believed those anons cuz none of them didn't pull the evidence out of their ass. 💀

"You need to apologize to her" for what? Dawg I didn't do jack shit to her in the first place LMAO yeah like--- don't get me started on that bs again. I don't wanna hear her damn name, I don't wanna know anything about her aus and shiii-- or anything related to her in my inbox or dm. I do NOT wanna have anything to do with that individual. End of the story. Not trying to be harsh, rude, or anything but like. It's annoying. I don't like to be compared to anyone or deal with the same bullshit.

Mhm yea like man. Idk what else I need to debunk but pls don't believe those anons dawg.

You can't even ask for proof cuz they don't gave any 🥰🥰💀💀💀‼️‼️‼️😭😭😭 LOL IMAGINE FABRICATING ALLEGATIONS Y'ALL ARE SO DUMB 🗣‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥

[dalgursbate]

Snippet Sunday Thursday Friday

tagged by the exquisite @lyzelky over on my main account (@molgars)

I've got a few irons in the fire right now, so I'll post two of them.

This first one is from chapter 2 of Hymnals, Major and Minor, an Aylin/Isobel/Shadowheart post-canon fic about them dating the wrong way 'round:

The next day, Isobel is sitting on the loveseat knitting when Shadowheart approaches, plopping down gracelessly on the couch beside her. “So, when are you taking me out, darling angel mine?” “Technically, Aylin is the angel.” A sly smile plays at the corner of the other woman’s lips, though she doesn’t look up from her work.  Shadowheart hums. “Is that so? I must have been confused on account of how radiant your beauty is.” Isobel snorts and casts a sideways glance at her. “Those sorts of lines work often for you, do they?” “These days? All the time.” Shadowheart grins broadly. “Blessedly, my girlfriends don’t seem to mind my lack of taste.” “Oh, I wouldn’t say you lack taste,” Isobel muses, her gaze returning to the busy movements of her clever hands. “Personally, I think your taste is exquisite.” Despite all the time they’ve spent together, Shadowheart still finds herself flushing at the insinuation. “You didn’t answer the question,” she says. “Well-spotted.” The corner of Isobel’s mouth twitches again, and Shadowheart knows that she’s taking great joy in her coyness.  “How much free time do you have this coming tenday?” “All of my time is free time right now, dearest.” “Excellent,” her partner says, as though she didn’t already know. “Then we shall prepare to leave for our journey tomorrow.” “Journey?” Shadowheart arches an eyebrow. “Are you taking me on a honeymoon for our first date?” “Darling, don’t tell me you underestimated my propensity for grand gestures,” Isobel places a hand atop her heart in mock offense. “It would wound me so very deeply.” Shadowheart rolls her eyes affectionately. “You’re so dramatic.” “You love that about me,” Isobel says confidently, because she’s correct. “But we’re not going on a honeymoon; we’re going on a journey.” “And what does that mean, precisely?” “I suppose you’ll simply have to find out,” she responds, tone ominous.   Shadowheart just laughs fondly and wraps an arm around her, pulling her in by the waist. There is no hesitation in the way that Isobel abandons her knitting to come to her, and Shadowheart marvels at how intoxicating it is that she’s allowed to do this. That she’s allowed to kiss this revelation of a woman, softly and soundly, afforded the privilege of tracing the familiar contours of her mouth at an unhurried pace. She doubts she will ever tire of it.

I will tag @again-please @shewhowas39 @renyerokami @moonlesbianlover and @capriclonus, as well as anyone who wants to do it! and under the cut will be a QUITE EXPLICIT teaser of the next chapter of to forgive is human and failure is divine

The next day ends like this: Shadowheart face-down on a stranger’s bare mattress, her ass in the air as she’s pounded over and over again by a shapely piece of silicon. Her fingers arch like talons, scrambling for purchase on the box spring, while pitiful cries spill from her throat in some kind of obscene hymnal. A firm hand traces the knobbly, underfed length of her spine—reminiscent of how she used to run her fingers over prayer beads, so many lifetimes ago—and a low, gravelly voice coos and murmurs encouragement about how much more she can take, how much further she can be pushed. It ends with her stretched to bursting, begging for mercy, half-crazed and desperate for a release she keeps being denied. But it begins with Shadowheart waking up to her phone alarm at 10 a.m., groggy and disoriented by the dizzy-bright sunlight streaming in through her apartment’s only window. Before she can return to The Grove, before she can make herself a fool once more for a shitty gith with an attitude problem, she has to get herself through another day where she struggles to accomplish anything worthwhile. She sighs, rubbing the heels of her palms so hard into her eyes that little starbursts of red dance behind her lids. The only way out is through, she reminds herself wearily. And Gods, do I want to get out.

[possessivesuffix]

Crossposting from Twxttxr: some interesting news about ongoing research by colleagues, from a workshop "Diversification of Uralic" just this Thursday and Friday

Do the Permic languages have loanwords from Old Norse? e.g. ONo. ár ~ Komi & Udmurt ar 'year'. This would've been sensible during the brief time when Norsemen originally from Sweden were in charge of trade along the Volga and settling in inner Russia, forming the Rus' (later Slavicized, but as we know from Byzantine sources they remained Norse for centuries) — and also the Norwegians too were known to conduct exploration + trade along the Barents Sea at the time, our oldest written reports of "Bjarmia" come from them after all.

Do the Finnic languages have loanwords already from Pre-Proto-Germanic into Pre-Proto-Finnic? My first reply would've been "yes surely", this has been discussed for half a century and there's dozens of etymologies out by now. Turns out though that there's still a lot of room for skepticism if we try to assemble a big picture. Most of these could be (and have been proposed by other analyses) to be proper Germanic after all, or from some non-Germanic kind of Indo-European, or even incorrect. There is unambiguous evidence I think at least of loans lacking *ā > *ō, but that's already though to be one of the latest common Germanic innovations, perhaps barely post-PG. [Follow-up question: do we even know where Pre-Proto-Germanic was spoken? might not have been anywhere convenient for contacts with Pre-Proto-Finnic.] — A few similar problems also in the less discussed supposed layer of Proto-Balto-Slavic or pre-BSl. loans, but by areal considerations it seems obvious to me there must've been Uralic/IE contact somewhere in the Russian forest belt for ages already, even if it might not have left enough evidence to clearly distinguish from things like pre-Indo-Iranian loans.

Do the Samic languages have loanwords that are not from any historically attested branch of Scandinavian, but some sort of a lost variety entirely? This could be an explanation for an unexpected sound correspondence *j → *ć in many loans; it might also explain some loans that look surprizingly archaic, e.g. lacking any reflection of Siever's Law. One example showing both is indeed *Tāńćə 'Norse', from some sort of a *Danji- variant of Proto-Germanic *Daniz.

Several new hypotheses on the history of of sibilants in Ugric, adding to the growing tally of evidence that traditionally reconstructed *s > *θ and *ś > *s "in Proto-Ugric" are actually later developments. A paper supposed to be coming out soon!

No linguistic evidence so far, but a 1670 travelogue by de La Martinière appears to still report seemingly pre-Uralic populations along the Barents Sea coast — and even on Novaya Zemlya, traditionally thought to have been uninhabited (as reported by other early modern explorers) before some Tundra Nenets briefly settled there in mid 19th century. Apparently there's been no real archeological investigation, but also at least two stone labyrinths are known as signs that humans still must've at least visited there sometime in the past. [By current knowledge, labyrinths from Sweden and Finland have mostly been built in late medieval and early modern times though, so they don't suggest especial antiquity either. Could the ones on NZ in fact have been left behind by some of these historical Northwest European expeditions?]

Various discussion also on the development of Samoyedic. Nothing particularly all-new (maybe on Nganasan, more on that in a PhD thesis to appear later this year though), but a few main results include 1. clear recognition that there is no "North Samoyedic" group (as has been suspected for several years now), 2. confirmation that there is regardless a narrower Nenets–Enets group, and 3. some development of a model where all three of Nenets, Enets and Nganasan may have moved to the tundra zone independently from further down south (as is certainly the case for Northern Selkup, the most recent northern expansion of Samoyedic speakers).

[never-not-ever]

Long update ahead~

I’m on roommate #6 which is sort of low considering I’ve been here 8 months today. This is going to be so random but once I start thinking of something (like rooms, roommates and how long for each) I get fixated and like to waste time on it.

I had a single room when I first got here and I think I had it for a week.

I moved into room #2 with roommate #1, I think we were roommates for 2 weeks before she discharged. Then I got roommate #2 and was with her for about a week before I moved into a single. I was in that single for 5 weeks. Then I moved into room #4 and had the best roommate ever for about 3 weeks before she discharged. So I was in room #4 for 11 weeks which is the longest I’ve had a stable room. When my old favorite roommate discharged I got a new roommate #4 and me and her were roommates for so long, about 11 weeks. Our room ended up getting mold and we had to move after 7 weeks together which brings me to room number #5. (Started to get confused, so I made a table below, it’s literally been an hour now fixated on this room/roommate shit). We were roommates for another 3 weeks in room #5 before I moved into a single for about 7 weeks. Then I moved to my current room #7 and had roommate #5 for 4 weeks and my current roommate #6 for about a week.

Room#/Length/Roommate

#1- 1 week, single room

#2- 3 weeks, C- 2 weeks, M- 1 week

#3- 5 weeks, single room

#4- 11 weeks, M- 3 weeks, A- 8 weeks

#5- 3 weeks, A- 3 more weeks

#6-7 weeks, single room

#7- 4 weeks, V- 4 weeks, G- 1 week

I guess it’s really # of times I’ve moved, since room #2 and #4 were actually the same room. But the second time around I was on the other side of the room. Wow was that a lot of useless information for nothing! Glad I got that out of my system. Time to see where I last left off on an update… like 3.5 weeks ago… hmmm…

Seems clear cut what to update on. So I posted last on a Monday. I actually remember these past 3 weeks clearly. That Monday was a crying, empty, “I ruined everything/hate myself” day. The next day I clarified with my team that the 6 month IOP and the PHP are definitely off the table and they said yes. I went and sat in my corner at the end of the farthest hall, started crying and getting upset again but it was quick, not an all day affair like the previous day.

In order to leave it’s always been the same criteria- I have to have outside providers set up and need to stop self harming. I mean the self harming isn’t a reason to keep me here, it’s more so the structure/providers to leave. But if the self harming gets severe like it usually does then that’s reason for them to pull back on discharge as well.

So that day I said fuck it, I’m leaving next Friday. I spent all day figuring out my crappy insurance, searching for psychiatrists and therapists and partials. I had all the rest of that week and the following week before my hopeful discharge that Friday to get everything together.

The only issue is vacations. That Friday (my personal discharge date) was my doctors last day before her 2 week vacation. She was fine with the covering doctor discharging me while she’s gone if he was comfortable with it. See I wanted to leave that Friday because I would have a week at home with my Nana before she went on vacation for a week. My Nana and my team were all worried about me being home alone while she was away.

That’s why I wanted to leave that Friday but that didn’t happen. I was so hellbent on making that my discharge date that I put blinders on and pushed away urges and the self harm stopped, I just wanted to leave. I thought maybe I could leave next week, maybe the covering doctor would discharge me. Then my social worker told me we were going to have a meeting the following Thursday with my Nana. And that’s when I realized I wasn’t leaving while my doctor was on vacation, that I would be here til the end of the month. Because my Nana would not be comfortable with me discharging the day before she went away for a week, leaving me home alone.

So during my doctors last week my mood started to drop and it honest to god had nothing to do with her leaving. I just started to feel so hopeless again. My doctor said she was worried if I didn’t leave on that Friday like I hoped, that I would unravel. I guess she was right.

This shift in things started almost 3 weeks ago but this past week things have gotten so much worse. I’m constantly on high alert and anxious. My mood is so low and I spend so much of the day thinking about self harm, which has started up again. Surprisingly I’m still on 15s and able to go outside on walks so not much has changed with privileges being cut back. We’ll see what my doctor thinks/does when she gets back.

I’m still looking for a therapist. Once I have that, we can set a discharge date and put in a referral for a partial. The only issue is the self harm. I have 4 days before my doctor gets back. I could miraculously turn everything around, go these 4 days without self harm and have an optimistic attitude on Tuesday when I meet with her. But if it was that easy I would have left a long time ago.

I’m constantly invalidating everything I feel and think. But for once I’m going to say and believe that I can’t change how low my mood has gotten. I can’t change that the SI has started to creep back in because of the hopelessness. I can’t change any of that. And because of that I’m worried about these next few days and her return. I know I can control my actions in regards to self harm but only up until a point.

That’s enough of a treatment update. I’ll try to post more frequent about non-treatmenty things.

[altschmerzes]

Sooo I’ve been wanting to ask this but have also been too nervous to do so for fear of sounding too demanding or fishing for too many spoilers…but after seeing your recent post about being happy to talk about your fics, I’m just going to go for it 😂 I am very curious about how you plan to tackle episode 2x8 and the changes you’ll be making, and just…is there anything you’d be willing to share about all that?

AH YEAH ONE OF THE...... BIGGEST THINGS(TM) IN THIS ENTIRE CONCEPT AND FIC. from the BEGINNING this was gonna be Enormous no matter what and i am happy to talk about it!!! i love when people are invested in my projects tbh it makes it way more fun and engaging to work on them. you guys feed my energy to work on this thing, and thus it gets done faster, etc.

("is there anything you'd be willing to share?" [goes off on a whole big explanation that is probably WAY more than you asked for-])

so. 2x08. and all that. gonna put it under a cut again, in case 'gav explains in some degree of... detail exactly what they're gonna write in their fic' is gonna ruin the experience for you (gosh i hope not ljkdsf) but here we go (also cw for abuse here, which is probably obvious but. still.)-

2x08 is where things like... it marks the big Shift in the status quo of how things are, though the actual Events of 2x08 as translated into the au are sort of in the middle of an extended series of events that begin before it and end after it. so i'll talk through sorta the process of events that it's contained in.

basically, at the time it starts jamie is living with his dad most of the week in manchester but spending weekends staying with his friends in a rotation in richmond so he can work at nelson road on weekends. (yes, i'm aware of how far away those places are from each other. yes this is an insane commute. everybody is aware it's insane, everybody is sort of tactfully avoiding pointing it out to jamie. he does his homework on the bus, it's peaceful, he says.) he gets to richmond late fridays, goes to whichever friend whose house he's staying at that weekend, and then gets home sunday evenings.

at this point, ted is getting way more worried about jamie as time goes on, and others are too. he's been talking to his little like. war meeting of responsible adults he's consulting on whether he's right about what he's suspecting here, what to do about it, how, when, etc. and he's just recently gotten worried enough that he's given his phone number to jamie's friends at the park, shannon and company, and told them that if they're ever worried, if something ever Happens with jamie that sets off that 'i need to get an adult' instinct and they don't know who to call, they can call him. in fact, please call him. and so shannon calls him. because it's like, wednesday or thursday, jamie is not supposed to be in town this early, and he seems hurt. he seems hurt and it seems bad. by the time ted gets there, jamie has bolted and they don't know where he is. and there's just... nothing really to do. he's texting shannon saying he's fine and leave him alone.

and then there's the match at wembley. which is coming up Right Now so they have to deal with that, not like they can postpone it, so they get all the way to the match with this awareness in the back of their heads that like. jamie's out there somewhere having just had a really bad fight with his father, who very obviously based on context clues and what shannon said has beat the hell out of him, he's hurt, but they just have to sort of. keep going. for the moment.

and they lose the match obvs, and jamie went to it with his father - he and some friends are staying in town for a night or two for the event, he got jamie to arrange him tickets a bit back like in canon as well - and comes to see them after because he wants to be there when things are bad too, and that leads to a confrontation when his father comes to find him, and it gets. bad. jamie tries to defend himself but it gets violent, and by the time they're able to intervene he's been. knocked around a bit. (a bit more.)

at that point it's pretty clear that he needs a hospital. it's not life threatening, or anything like that, but it's obvious to ted and roy, who are primarily dealing with this situation (and yeah we get a version of the hug with roy - which scares the fuck out of roy when that's how it becomes clear to him that jamie is Seriously Hurt), that he's not just hurt he's injured and they cannot in good conscience not take him to a hospital. which means doctors and social workers and an overnight stay and a while where they're not allowed in the room with him while the people in charge figure out what's going on and what to do about it. jamie is released from hospital and allowed to go home with ted (and roy, who tags along for a bit, because someone needs to drive them and he can't stomach leaving just yet) late the next evening, but it's a deeply stressful and traumatic experience for all involved. jamie has a lot of healing to do, both physically and emotionally, but this is the big like. turning point towards things Being Okay in the end, finally getting him into a safe place where he'll be loved and cared for.

[clementines-writing-corner]

baby steps (but steps nonetheless!)

Hello friends!

Good news! I am getting back into the swing of writing after my short break last week. Today’s post will still be kind of short as I mostly did some brainstorming and research, none of which is coherent enough to actually share, but I did something this week! That’s enough for me.  ᕱ__ᕱ 

Much like last week, today, I will be giving you all a short list of updates on what I’ve worked on the past few days. 

I did indeed crash on Sunday and spent Monday recouping lol

Tuesday I worked on recording audio for the podcast assignment my friend and I are working on (it was very fun!)

Wednesday, I did some research on world building things for my original high fantasy story! Huzzah!! I think in the near future I’m going to actually start developing things, beginning with a creation story which will lead into my magic system. It’s going to be epic!! 

Thursday, I began to brainstorm and develop the new middle grade novel idea further because I need to do a new writing assignment for my Witches class and am thinking of utilizing the assignment to work on that further. I also finished recording for the podcast assignment and began the editing stage.

Friday (today) I am writing this post and reflecting on all that I have accomplished throughout the week. 

Writing progress this past week has continued to be a little slow, but though it may seem like I’m making baby steps, at least they are steps in the right direction! ᕱ__ᕱ 

That’s really all I have for today, so I shall end with a brief forewarning: progess may continue to be slow up till the end of the month as Halloween is encroaching upon us!

Costumes and costuming is yet another one of my passions and I can’t wait to participate in all sorts of festive and frightful things with my friends! However, don't fret! If (IF) the middle grade novel idea gets developed further (and I continue to have inspiration for the story) I may just participate in a NaNoWriMo challenge for the story this November. 

So stay tuned, friends! And remember: cross your j’s and dot your t’s!

~Clementine J. Quincey 🪷🎃

[oftlunarialmoon]

But I’m WEIRD! (3 Ways to Work on Accepting Yourself)

Ciao lovelies! Have you ever felt “weird”? What about “out-of-place,” or maybe unaccepted for who you are? Do you ever hide your true self or feel the need to be “Someone else”? Do you have lower self-esteem and trouble accepting who you are? If any of these are true for you, I’m writing to you today.

I have lots of issues with self-esteem and self-acceptance. Often, I label my actions as weird or “Not normal.” I feel like an outsider with every group, except my closest friends. In many interactions with others I hide who I really am or I try to “act normal.” Key aspects of my personality get hidden so I can seem more “cool” or “normal.” But this just becomes a vicious cycle. Have an interaction and “act normal,” then I end up over-analyzing and thinking that I’m not “normal” enough, then I criticize myself for what I did, then in the next interaction, I’m trying harder to “act normal”…. And the cycle repeats.

Does this cycle seem familiar to you?

Many people worldwide suffer from low self-esteem, and lack of self-acceptance. Accepting yourself for who you are can be hard. It requires a lot of self-reflection, and even therapy. It’s a bumpy road and it’s not easy to travel.

Today I want to talk about some ways you can start your self-acceptance journey. The ways I’ll be talking about today are affirmations, recognizing and correcting negative ruminations, and, lastly, recognizing the difference between constructive critique and harmful insults.

DISCLAIMER

** DISCLAIMER:  I am not a mental health professional and all things mentioned in this post come from personal experience or things I learned in classes. Please note that I am not the expert on these topics and cannot “Fix” what you are experiencing personally. **

AFFIRMATIONS

First, let’s talk affirmations. How often do you self-affirm? Answer this honestly. How many times per day do you praise yourself, for things you’ve done well, or maybe just think something kind about yourself (that’s NOT reactionary, meaning you think these kind things about yourself without being forced to).

If I’m answering honestly, I do not self-affirm very often. I can’t even say that I do it more than once a day, if that. This is a big issue and contributor to my lack of self-esteem. How can I have self-esteem if I’m not even cheering myself on?

When I say that you should self-affirm, I’m not saying that you have to constantly think that you’re the best thing ever. I’m not saying that you should think that you can “do-no-wrong” sort of thing.

When I refer to “Affirmations,” it’s easiest to start fairly small. A very good way to start is to find at least one thing about your physicality that you like. This can be anything from your eye color, to the way your nose is shaped, to the way your teeth look when you smile. Anything at all, just find one thing that you like about your physical self.

Then, bump it up. You may want to take this one day at a time, if this is uncomfortable for you. Here is the plan I want to accomplish this week, you may like this, or you may want to change it for you.

My Affirmations Plan for this Week:

Monday: Affirm one aspect of my physical appearance.

Tuesday: Affirm one aspect of my physical appearance and one aspect of my personality.

Wednesday: Work on criticizing myself less today. If I catch myself criticizing, replace with a statement reflecting what I did right along with what I can work on.

Thursday: Affirm two aspects of my personality.

Friday: Reflect, at the end of the day, on two or three things I did well that day.

Saturday: Affirm one aspect of my personality, one aspect of my physical appearance and recognize one thing I did right today.

Sunday: Affirm one aspect of my personality, one aspect of my physical appearance and recognize 4 things I did right this week.

These don’t sound too bad to me and I feel that this is a good place to start.

RECOGNIZING AND CORRECTING NEGATIVE RUMINATIONS

Now let’s talk about recognizing and correcting negative ruminations.  Let’s start by defining Ruminations.

What does it mean to “Ruminate?” According to Merriam-Webster, to ruminate is to “go over in the mind repeatedly.” Not all ruminations (things that you constantly run through your head) are negative. But in the case of low self-esteem, negative ruminations attribute to keeping your self-perception negative.

Why is it important to recognize negative ruminations? Let’s say you have an interaction, which should have been a fairly casual one. Say you said hello to a friend, but they didn’t say hello back. A higher self-esteemed person would think “maybe they didn’t see me,” but a lower self-esteemed person would run through the situation in their head over and over, overthinking it, thinking of everything they did wrong, or every reason why the friend might’ve “ignored” them- even if none of those reasons were accurate. 

If you could recognize that you were in the midst of a negative rumination cycle, you could work to stop it.  Something you could try is correcting the negative mindset. Take the example given above. If you were negatively ruminating about that interaction, and thinking “I bet they hate me now,” how could you correct that thought? I would remind myself that “maybe they didn’t see me,” or provide context “they have been busy lately, maybe they weren’t able to stop and chat.” By correcting the negative rumination cycle, I prevent myself from constantly staying in a negative mindset, and hopefully provide a positive baseline for any future interactions like that one.

CONSTRUCTIVE vs HATEFUL

Lastly, let’s talk about how to recognize the difference between constructive critique and purposeful insults. If you’re wondering why this topic is in this post, I think it’s very relevant to how self-esteem works. Those with lower self-esteem seem to be more likely to take even helpful critique as insult, because they feel that nobody likes them. Therefore, I felt it was good to have this reminder in this post.

The ways I separate constructive criticism and insult in general are on 2 baselines: was it intended to hurt me, and does it help me to gain this knowledge? What I mean by this is going to be highlighted in the example below.

Let’s say a friend has noticed me saying something that is inappropriate, but I don’t know that it is inappropriate. That friend then brings me aside and informs me that what I said is inappropriate. They are not intending to hurt my feelings, and it’s helpful for me to learn this. This would be constructive criticism/critique.

Here is another example. Let’s say a troll online comments anonymously that “WOW ur face is soo ugly” or something like that. Was it intended to hurt me? Yes. Does it help me in any way to gain this “knowledge”? No. Therefore, that is an insult.

Knowing how to determine between the two is great because if you know it’s an insult, you can sort of…what’s the phrase I’m looking for…. Let it roll off your back. This can be hard to do if you have low self-esteem, but now you know that insults are intended to hurt you, which means usually they’re untrue and intended only to hurt, and are based in the speaker’s own bias/feelings. Knowing the untrue nature of insults can help them ease off your shoulders.

OVERALL

Overall, the point I want to make in this post is that it’s okay to be who you are, and I know that journey can be really hard. But you’re not alone in making it. 

[apupp3tw0-strings]

Dream Dairy

Date: October 15th, 2131

I'm writing this on the bus to school, but still felt I needed to write this down because well... it felt important.

Its been a couple of days since Spamton started living with us, and he is... even weirder than I initially thought. Not it a particularly bad way just... weird. There's been a bunch of things I've observed, from random glitches to the way its lens static or its weird vocal tics or how it like just, forgets stuff randomly. Papa and Dadaton have noticed even more stuff as they've been staying home with him while I've had to go to school the past few days (Fall Break starts tomorrow so at least there's that.) I've heard them whispering to each other about how it's probably best Spamton's not left alone after Dadaton found him rummaging around the attic on Thursday. (I've noticed it tends to get pretty lonely but have no clue what Spam could've been doing in the attic) Papa's also been planning for CK, Kris, and Jevil to hopefully come over soon so progress can be started sorting through their issues or something. I'm mostly excited for CK to come up here hopefully tomorrow.

Gyeh! But wait, that's not the important thing I was gonna talk about! (Though updating on the Spamton situation is like half of why I've been keeping this blog.) No, I... this is about the strange dreams I keep having. Which I now wonder are tied into the whole Dark World thing. I've mentioned before how I'm no stranger to weird dreams or nightmares, but now it seems my dreams are veering less towards the usual puppet performance stages and strange, blob like audiences and deep, dark waves that drag me under, and more towards the Dark World.

On Friday, I had a dream where I was in my Dark World outfit in a very dark, dark place. I don't remember much, just walking around a lot in the darkness, until I heard... ringing. It seemed to be getting louder and louder and I couldn't tell where it was coming from until I saw a phone. But when I got closer and reached for the phone to make the ringing stop... I woke up. Turns out the ringing was just my phone's alarm and I was late for school. Had to rush to get ready as soon as I could and ask Dadaton to drive me.

And then last night, Sunday started out like my usual nightmares do. On a stage and with a grey crowd. I was Pinocchio and was being held up by strings (likely came from Blane and Blaze teasing me for my nose earlier that day. If only I could have them meet Spamton, my nose seems tiny in comparison.) "I've Got No Strings" seemed to be playing on loop as the strings made me move against my will until it felt like someone or some... thing, picked me up. Suddenly I was in my Dark World outfit again as I laid limp in their hands. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I couldn't do anything until something cut my strings and I fell deeper and deeper, darker and darker before waking up. When I woke up in the middle of the night, I found Spamton sitting on my chest, staring at me. (Also I think he was... purring?)

I don't know what any of these dreams mean, if they mean anything at all, but if I have any more ill be sure to record them here for... mostly myself but also I guess whoever else is reading these posts? For now, we're at the stop for school and Taffy's trying to ask me something so I should pay attention and put my phone away.

[manicsweetheart707]

This has been a pretty harsh month for me, that doesn’t mean I haven’t tried to make it a good one, if I could describe this month I would say that I’ve been pushing myself through it, I’m doing my best to not let the negative thoughts get to me.

Trying out new things is not always the easiest thing to do, but it's part of growing up; I wanna keep growing as a person and I think being aware of shit that happens to me, of my thoughts, even if they're not always positive will help me in that process, because I want to fall in love with life, and loving something implies loving the pretty and the ugly.

I really don't wanna do this alone, the growing uo thing, and maybe you reading this don't want to either, so maybe if I start posting these monthly recaps we can help one another to feel company in some sort of way, with time this will evolve to fit each other's needs ig.

Tennis

This month I started to workout like fully, last month I began taking tennis classes but skipped a lot of days due to me being depressed, that made me feel pretty stupid because I payed for those classes, the economic situation is not good enough for me to be wasting money in classes I’m not taking y’know?

I switched my classes from tuesday and thursday to wednesday and friday, and I feel it has helped me in keeping consistency a lot better, my mom’s also been the one taking me to class because I’m fucking stupid and it made me panic not finding anywhere to park my car so I ended up directly not going to class, I know that sounds so stupid but I tend to take those kind of situations as an omen that something is going to go not according to plan and that I’m gonna fuck something up, so yeah-

Chloe Ting

Besides tennis classes this month I also started Chloe’s 2024 summer shred challenge; I figured it would’ve helpful for losing weight and helping me build endurance for tennis, it’s not the first time I try to workout from home with youtube or something, but it is the first time I actually feel comfortable doing it in a sense that I haven’t given up and I don’t plan on doing it, even if I’ve been too depressed to do shit I haven’t skipped any days, I think the fact that the app has like a nice percentage indicator motivates me to keep going.

Maybe doing both tennis and Chloe’s routines in my current physical state is not ideal since I’ve been feeling a bit nauseous this past days, but I am doing it either way because I’m not giving up, I am a strong bitch and can do whatever I set my mind to.

I am not in a good mental state right now, the crippling feeling of how everything I do is wrong and everything I touch gets all fucked up is coming back strongly, even tho I’m doing shit that’s supposed to help me emotionally, they say that working out releases endorphins right? I drink a lot of water and been trying to keep myself distracted with other activities to stop myself from overthinking, but nothing really seems to work, the loneliness is a constant reminder of how fucked I am and how little value I have in other peoples lives. And I know that if I keep telling myself just how fucking awful I am I’m just gonna end up pushing people even further with my negativity. Loneliness is like a crater, sometimes no matter how much you scream no one is there to hear you, and the times there’s someone your throat is just too sore to let them know you’re there, and sometimes when you find a ladder you feel oh so scared of what’s outside to climb up, it’s really fucking difficult man.

My vacations are sadly over, although I only have 2 classes this whole semester I still feel a bit anxious about going back to uni, it’s a mix between the people and the work, I’m usually pretty work focused while I’m at uni so I don’t give myself enough chances to be friendly with people (adding to that the social anxiety), this semester I need to work on my degree proyect/thesis/whatevs and that makes me oh so nervous I really want to give it my best and don’t fuck it up.

There’s people I don’t like in my trademarks class, I don’t think they’re bad people, but their voices annoy me, which ig makes me a bad person, but I can’t help it they’re too loud and speak too fast and talk with so much confidence over topics they don’t know shit and that annoys me. I’m being a bitch, I’m sorry.

I find it particularly scary having to build a portfolio, and begginning the whole working thing, although I hate my current state of living I do like having my own time and bedrotting whenever I feel like it, growing up is so fucking scary isn’t it.

It’s a terrible idea to replace a bad habit with another bad habit, and this month is the month I’m trying to get skinnier, so I’ve been working out, starting a diet, taking laxatives, and most importantly cutting sugars; that has been really hard for me and I think it didn’t help that much to the darkness I was feeling the first half of the month. I am aware is a terrible idea, for a while whenever I got sugar cravings I used to light up a vanilla incense stick and hope for the best but it really didn’t helped, and since I discovered that mints do have calories and shit I don’t really want to eat them no matter how much I love them. So I thought a solution to my problems could be vaping, I can’t get fatter from it can I? I bought a blueberry one, I do enjoy it I think, I like that is minty and I’ve always been a huge fan of candles, incense, that type of stuff, I feel like I’m in some sort of way eating a candle. It does make me feel a bit guilty because I am pretty aware of how awful nicotine is, and that vapes are far worse than a cig, and also that my mom has asthma yet here I am probably fucking up my lungs, but I think right now, currently, it makes me feel even guiltier to actually eat sugar.

✦ Keep losing weight and being consistent with my workouts

✦ Progress as much as possible on my degree project

✦ Reorganize my notion

✦ Set up a dating app profile maybe?

c u next month!!

xoxo, mani

[acidmatze]

I’ll be there for you (Yes, like the Friends theme) Chapter 5

Summary: After being in a coma for two years Vash wakes up, not being able to remember Anything that has happened since he was “a teenager”. How is he gonna adapt to living in a world so strange and unfamilliar? (vaguely TriStamp timeline post ep 12) By finally leaving the hospital and entering his Rehab arc Warnings: None this time Word count: 4.4k Chapters: 1 2 3 4

How did this week pass by so fast?

Vash feels like it was basically yesterday that he woke up to this strange world.

And now he's already standing outside, Karina next to him, waiting for the van that's supposed to bring him to the rehab place.

He's bringing several bags with him. Two of them filled with the new clothes he got the other day.

It is still somewhat dark outside, the suns barely grazing the horizon so its also really cold. Vash can see his breath when breathing out.

He's wearing his new jacket. It's black with red arrows going zig zag from the top left to the bottom right.

One small bag is full of his electronics stuff.

Last Friday Karina suddenly brought him a phone as well.

And another one is filled with hygiene stuff like shower gel and shampoo and towels and lotion to put on his scars when they ache and of course toothbrush and toothpaste and other necessities.

His new meds are in there as well.

On Thursday Dr. Nichols did a whole battery of tests with him.

Among other things testing his working memory and attention.

He then concluded that Vash has ADHD, whatever that was. From what Vash gathered it has to do with his focus and emotional regulation and such.

Vash also spend a lot of time filling out official-looking papers to get an ID and everything sorted out. And a bank account.

„Its so cold... I hope that van is coming soon.“ Karina complains while rubbing her arms.

„Its gonna get hot soon enough, just wait.“

„I'd rather not Wait.“

Other cars are approaching and picking people up or letting people out near constantly. Seems like Mondays are very busy for hospitals.

An ambulance rushes past, sirens blaring.

„I'm gonna call the place if no one's here in 5 minutes!“ Karina declares.

Then a small white minivan drives up to the two and stops.

It would look suspicious if it wasn't for the sticker on the car with a flock of pigeons flying on it, reading „Dove's Wings bus service, car 12“

The driver lets the window down.

„Hey, are you Vash?“

„Yup, that's me.“

The engine stops and the driver gets out to open the trunk.

„I'm Marcel. Put your bags in here. Before I drive you to the dorm I have to stop by the gas station real quick, hope you don't mind.“

„That's fine...“

It's a bit cumbersome to haul the heavy bags into the trunk with only one hand.

Luckily Marcel realises this quickly and helps.

He's a short rather gruff-looking guy with a light buzzcut and pale skin. Vash easily towers over him.

Which is still a really weird experience.

After all, the majority of his Lived Experience Vash was shorter than others.

Even as a teenager everyone else was much taller than him. When did he hit such a giant growth spurt?

Vash climbs into the van next to Marcel.

Karina waves at Vash.

„I will call you in the afternoon when my shift is over, okay? And I will definitely visit you on the weekend. You can't get rid of me.“

Vash chuckles weakly and also waves at his new friend.

„Girlfriend?“

Vash whips around.

„Huh? What-? No! Just a.. a regular friend.“

„Cool, cool.“

Marcel starts the motor and off they go.

Then he turns the radio on.

Vash has no idea about music much, even though Karina did her best to introduce him to as many bands as she could. He does vaguely recognise the singer as someone Karina likes.

Its a nice unoffending voice with nice unoffending guitar. Nothing that Vash would listen to in his free time though.

Then Marcel lights up a cigarette and offers the cigarette pack to Vash.

„Do you smoke?“ „Uh.. no, thanks.“

„Good for you. Don't start. Its a waste of money. How old are you?“

„153.“

Marcel barks out a laugh.

„Good joke!“

„28 then.“

„Seriously? You don't look a day over 19 or something. You got a serious case of baby face, my guy.“

„Yeah... I've heard that quite often.“ Vash lies.

He hasn't heard it at all but feels like this is the appropriate response.

They are driving through what seems to be the oldest dictrict of the city.

It seems to be emulating ancient 17th century central european architecture but Vash can't say how accurate it is.

Shops on the ground floor, apartments on top all crammed next to each other.

And so many people outside already, even though it is still early in the day.

„It's not winter yet so school and work still start at 6, so most of the work can be crammed in before it gets hot.“ Marcel explains, as if he can read Vash's thoughts.

„And in winter?“

„Eh... 7-8ish. No mid-day break either but instead everyone can go home earlier overall. Allegedly on Earth seasons actually meant something in many cultures but here it only tells you when the suns will rise and set. Except for fall. If it rains then it rains in fall.“

Rain.

Vash only has seen rain once so far in his life.

He was so excited he immediately ran outside and Brad dragged him back inside the ship and scolded him for getting the floor muddy.

It rained hard for maybe half an hour and then it was over. Within an hour the sand was back to its usual dry and hot state and everything carried on as if it hadn't rained at all.

What Vash had witnessed relatively often though were dry thunderstorms.

Now the scenery is changing.

The road gets broader and now has two lanes in each direction. The buildings become more modern and brighter, to deflect the suns.

Then they turn right into a smaller street again, probably now entering a more residential area.

The buildings that previously were all at least three to four stories tall are now getting smaller and less dense. Small shops line the road here and there.

Apartment buildings turn into row houses and then slowly into small family homes.

They pass a small park and Vash stares at the large lusciously green trees.

Then more houses. Kids waiting at a bus stop.

It's so weird to see a place like this. So full of life. Full of people doing their thing.

Not hanging by a thread.

They enter a slightly wider road again and a little later Marcel stops at the gas station.

„I'll be back in a minute. You want some snacks? I can get you some.“

„Uh... some chocolate bars? But no white chocolate or coconut.“

Marcel lets out a small grunt in acknowledgement.

„Alright. You get the kiddie chocolate.“

The van door slams shut.

Kiddie chocolate...

Vash watches Marcel while he recharges the car's battery. Its weird that „gas station“ is a word that's still so widely used even though almost no vehicle on this planet uses gas.

Its most likely a leftover from Earth English.

Vash watches the scene outside.

Some more kids and teens, probably on their way to school.

People on bicycles. Many many cars.

It is still so weird to Vash to see this many people in one place. He can't imagine the scope of the entire city.

What little distance they have covered so far already feels incredibly large to him.

Do the people who live here even know how harsh the desert is? Being here is so incredibly different from the ship.

Vash can barely believe he's still on the same planet.

Has Nai ever been in a city as well? Where even is he now? And will Vash ever see him again?

Well, he probably already has but can't remember.

But before he has the time to ponder about this more, Marcel returns.

He dumps a few chocolate bars in Vash's lap.

„Sorry they only had coconut and white chocolate.“

For the fraction of a second Vash is inclined to believe the man but before he can embarrass himself he realises it's a joke.

„Guess I have to puke all over the van then.“

„If you clean it, be my guest.“

The ride continues in silence, except for the radio.

Vash opens the packaging of the chocolate and starts eating.

He didn't eat anything at the hospital this morning, he was way too nervous.

Its nougat, the chocolate.

Which is good because Vash really likes that. He opens the second bar and basically shoves it in his mouth with one go.

Marcel lets out a snort but doesn't say anything.

„I haven't eaten anything yet.“

„I'm not judging. Just laughing. You don't behave like an adult.“

There it is.

Vash almost shrinks into his seat.

Then how is an adult supposed to to behave? He hasn't figured that out yet.

He was about to open the third bar but lets it drop back into his lap instead. Suddenly he doesn't feel hungry anymore.

There's no way he's gonna fit in anywhere like this.

But it's not like he can help it, dammit!

Some part of him is still 15 and it will probably take a long time until that changes.

„Hey kiddo, why are you crying?“

Huh?

Vash pulls out a tissue from his pocket and blows his nose.

„I don't like being told that I don't behave like an adult. I know I don't. I can't change this.“

Marcel nods.

„I wasn't making fun of you, you know? If I would then i would have the wrong job. I drive people around who can't get into this van without help. Who can't fasten their seatbelt. Whose pants i have to pull up before they get in cuz they don't know how to use their belts after going to the bathroom. Who don't even realise when they need to go to the bathroom so sometimes they pee their pants during the ride. I also drive people around who don't talk. Who talk too much. Who talk a whole lot but not very well. Who say the same word over and over. I'm not judging anyone. My ego isn't blown up like that.“

„Will I meet them?“

„Eventually I suppose. But you're mentally ill so you live in a different section of the grounds. You'll meet them at work then. I also drive people like you around. Plenty.“

Vash can't imagine people like this. Luckily soon he wont have to use his imagination anymore but will experience it in real life.

They are back in a residential area. Small apartments and houses everywhere.

„We're there in a second. Look here's the convenience store. You wont have to walk far to get there. Just down this road. There's a bus stop. That line will take you directly to the old town, where we started out. Maybe not the most exciting part of the city but there are many nice small shops and cafés. And the biggest cinema in the city is there as well, in case you like movies. I think your group will go there from time to time.“

They make another right turn and Vash recognises this street from the photos.

They have indeed arrived.

Marcel parks under a tree in front of a wide two story tall red brick building.

There is a dark-skinned woman with glasses and long black hair waiting outside.

Vash and Marcel get out the van and Marcel shakes the woman's hand.

„Morning Nancy.“

„Good morning Marcel. I see you brought our new resident?“

„Yeah, that's Vash. Vash, that's Nancy.“ Nancy walks towards Vash and eagerly shakes his hand as well.

„Hi, I'm Nancy. I'm the leader of the group you will live in. Everyone will be so happy to meet you. Two weeks ago half of the group moved out into a different dorm and since then it has been way too quiet. Let me help you with your bags.“

The bags, that Marcel unloaded in the meantime.

He nods at Nancy.

„Well then. You got everything under control here. I'll go then and pick up the daycare patients.“

Nancy turns to Vash and basically beams at him.

„Let's take your bags inside first so I can show you your room and then we have to return to this building for a bit to do all the administrative stuff. Do you have any issues with walking?“ „Nah, just my left arm that's not doing so hot.“

„Great! I mean, that you can walk. Not that you lost your arm. Cuz we will have to walk a bit to your dorm. It's further down the road and then we turn left.“

They pass two other buildings, one to the left and one to the right.

The one on the left looks a bit like a school but smaller than what Vash had seen previously. But it has a schoolyard and a small playground and all.

The building to the right looks rather plain with chipped beige walls and a flat roof. The windows are just a tad bigger than the air conditioning unit on the wall.

„Villa Marigold“ says a blue sign outside.

„That doesn't look like a Villa...“ Vash mumbles and Nancy starts laughing.

„Well, we can't exactly call it Hut either, right? It will get renovated soon though.“

Hopefully it will get some bigger windows then. And a new coat of paint.

Another similar building is standing next to the „Villa“ but this one Does have a more colourful appearance. Its painted in a light blue colour and someone drew a flock of doves over the entrance.

They make a left turn just when Vash has spotted something looking suspiciously like a greenhouse far down the street.

„Wait! Is that a greenhouse?“

He points at it.

„Oh? Yeah it is. Good eye! We don't have time to go and look at it now but since you're gonna live here now you can go and look at it whenever you to from later on. You could also work there if you want. Do you like plants?“

Does he likes plants? „I... I have no idea. But I've never seen a greenhouse or.. many plants at all. So I'm just curious.“

„That's fine. Its good to be curious about things. Keeps your brain sharp.“

Sadly Vash feels his brain is as dull as a 6 hours math lesson.

Or the edge of a paper tissue. Depending on what meaning of „dull“ you have in mind.

The dorm they now enter is three stories tall and has a slightly sloped roof, unlike the majority of the other buildings which all have flat roofs.

It is painted slightly off-white and the paint looks new as well.

The stairway looks old and made of dark wood. Their steps echo slightly.

Nancy opens a yellow heavy-looking door.

„Fire-proof doors“ she explains „Your room will also have one. Almost all doors in the dorms are like this so get used to having to push a little harder.“

They are now standing in a large hallway with windows to the yard outside to the right light grey carpet and the walls are painted in a very light peach colour.

Paintings that look very much like the people living here painted them are everywhere on the walls.

Around the door that seems to be leading to the kitchen is a flower mural.

„Okay your room is number 105 so we go left.“

The room doors look like they are made of light wood but since they are supposedly fire-proof that can't be true.

They are probably painted to look like wood or something, Vash muses.

There's a little nook with armchairs and a very cozy-looking couch as well.

Vash hears two girls' voices from the staircase on the other end of the hallway, leading upstairs to the third floor.

„Have you seen Joe during assembly? He looked like he was about to fall asleep again.“

„Yeah I tried waking him up for breakfast earlier but he didn't wanted to open the door. I told him on Saturday not to drink so much when we went to club but of course he didn't listen.“

„Sounds like a killer hangover.“

„Totally. Anyway, we should hurry and get the kitchen cleaned up before someone complains again.“

They walk in the opposite direction as Nancy and Vash.

Nancy stops in front of room 105.

„Okay this is your room.“

She digs in her pocket and pulls out a small key which she then hands to Vash.

„And this is your key to the room. You will also later be given a key for the front door downstairs but our director hands those out, not us. Not every resident has one mind you. We got some troublemakers we can't just let come and go as they please. But don't worry about that.“

Vash opens the door.

He doesn't know what he expected his room to look like but certainly not like this.

Probably more like a hospital room?

This room is fairly large but mostly empty except for a desk with an office chair, an armchair made out of bast, a closet, a large mirror, a bed and a nighstand.

The floor is laminate made to look like wood in a similar shade as the door.

The curtains look rather heavy and have an old-fashioned plaid pattern on them.

The walls are white but not clinical-looking and overall the room is open and bright.

There's a door, probably leading to the bathroom.

Vash puts all of his bags down next to the bed and walks around the room once.

Yes, the door does indeed lead to a small-ish bathroom.

„I know this looks rather dull and empty. You can get your own furniture and rugs and put anything on the wall that you like but if it has to be hung on a nail then ask us first. Though I would advise you to wait a month or two with playing interior designer.

So we can determine how long you will be staying in this room. Would be annoying if you had to move just when you got cozy in here and then find out you can't fit all your furniture in the new room.“

Then they leave for the admin building.

But on the way down Nancy runs into a colleague who informs her that the person they want to talk to is actually right now in This building in the office section so they walk back up.

„Well I guess I show you the admin building at another time.“

They go back up the stairs but this time turn right in the hallway.

A guy with spiky red hair is mopping the staircase at the end.

In contrast to the one they just walked up this one is much newer and almost looks like its made of something like rubber?

Vash can't tell what material it is but it has some big anti-slip nubs on the steps.

Nancy taps the guy on the shoulder who takes his headphones off.

„Hey Paul, is Mr. Friesen in his office right now?“

„Uh... Yeah but he's in a meeting.“

The guy, Paul, nods at Vash.

„Are you new?“

„Yeah I just... I just moved in.“ „Cool, cool. Don't mind the ghost.“

Vash winces.

„A ghost??“

Paul shrugs.

„I dunno I haven't seen it either but a few guys upstairs say they have seen one here. Like, they wanted to talk to a counselor and it looked like someone was in the office cuz they saw a shadow in the glass but when they got closer it vanished. I think it's rubbish but figured I should warn you.“

Nancy chuckles.

„I don't believe it one bit. You know how they are upstairs. Sometimes they get bored and cook up some Scary Stories to tell the younger peeps.“

Seems like some really funny people are living here.

Maybe Vash wont stand out that much after all.

They continue walking.

„Okay if Mr. Friesen is not available right now then I will show you the rest of the dorm.“

The next hallway is overall darker than the one Vash's room is in. Obviously, because this one doesn't have any windows but doors to each side, most likely leading to the other people's rooms.

There's a ping pong table standing right in the middle of the hallway.

That seems a bit stupid and dangerous to Vash but also very funny.

One door is open and Vash can look right into someone's room.

To prevent the door from slamming shut a stool was put in front of it.

The person who probably belongs to this room is sitting in a beanbag in front of a TV and plays a video game.

Loud music is blasting out into the hallway.

„Are you just allowed to do that?“ Vash asks.

„Do what?“ „Play loud music with the door open.“ he clarifies.

„Sure. It's not like people are sleeping right now. At least, they shouldn't be. This is group 2. You are in group 1 and upstairs is group 3. This is a mixed use building so on the ground floor is the daycare. Daycare means they live off grounds and are brought here every morning and get picked up in the evening. The majority of them are seniors or people otherwise not able to work in the workshop. Usually we don't run into each other a lot.“

They walk past the kitchen.

„We cook our own lunch here. Each group has a kitchen and two people are doing the cooking together. They also plan the grocery shopping which we are doing.. actually right now. That's why no one's in there. Each Monday we take the big van and drive down to the store to get most of the things needed for the entire week. Sometimes we also do this on Fridays again cuz we also cook together on the weekends. At least when enough people stay here over the weekend. The majority of the time though almost everyone leaves to go to their parents or visit friends. You are also free to do that of course.“

There is yet another staircase at the end of this hallway that they take upstairs to look at group 3 as well.

Nothing much is different here except that they have a foosball table in the hallway. There is also a big room with huge windows and the wall to the hallway is glass as well.

Nancy explains that this is the assembly room but sometimes they also do other therapy things in there. Another room up here that the other groups don't have is the computer room. Everyone is free to use the computers if they don't have their own.

And back downstairs they go.

Mr. Friesen got done with his meeting in the meantime so now it's time for even more paperwork.

Meeting Mr. Friesen and getting all the paperwork done took an hour and now Vash's head is swimming.

He wishes he would get a break now but unfortunately the day is just beginning.

The weekly schedule he has in his hand says that before lunch he will meet his psychologist. After lunch his physical therapist. Later in the evening there's a nordic walking group but Vash has no idea what that is. There's a note telling him that's outside though.

He walks next to Nancy who is taking him back to his room.

„Saverem, huh? I was told you can't remember your family name. Did you remember or...?“ „Mom's family name. Well, not literally Mom but.. kind of... I don't know who my actual mom is.“

„Well, now it's also your name. So now you're her son for real.“

Her son for real...

He can't dwell on that because as they pass the kitchen someone from in there is shouting: „Hey! New guy! Come here for a bit!“

Nancy grabs Vash's arm and drags him into the kitchen.

„Well, well, well that's a great opportunity to meet the rest of the group! Hello everyone, this is Vash! Say Hi to Vash.“ „Hi Vash.“ the small group of four people parrots.

„Uh... hi...“

Four people, two girls and two guys are staring at him like he's an endangered animal.

„What happened to your arm???“ one of the girls suddenly yells. Shes short and round and has big glasses and pigtails and doesn't actually look to be much older than 18.

„Chelsea! You don't randomly ask people what happened to their arms!“ an equally short but very skinny boy says in a hushed but urgent tone. He looks just as young.

Vash lets out a weak unsure chuckle.

„Shark got me.“

„A what?“ Chelsea is still pointing at him „You're a liar! There are no sharks on No Man's Land!“

A tall man with nerdy glasses and very short dark hair speaks up.

„We usually call that one a Joke. Forgive her, she just says whatever is in her head. Which is a whole lot so you might want to invest in earplugs. I'm Steven, I'm the current group president. And those two are Melvin“ -the young guy with glasses who is still shushing Chelsea- „and Anna.“ He points at a girl who looks like the exact opposite of Chelsea.

Nancy nods at the group and seems very happy about the developments.

„I see you're talking to each other just fine. Maybe Vash can help you with the lunch prep? How is everything going anyways?“

„We are almost done cutting the vegetables and honestly there isn't much to do then. I'm gonna put the steaks in a pan in an hour or so, Melvin takes care of the rice. Yeah.. that's basically it.“ Steven answers.

„I uh... I have to go to my appointment soon..“ Vash reminds Nancy.

„Oh yeah I almost forgot about that. You do that. I see you all for lunch!“

[divinedomesticity]

Bringing Back the Homemaker Schedules of the Past: A Guide to Organized Living

In our fast-paced, modern world, the art of homemaking often feels like a lost treasure. Yet, there's a timeless wisdom in the routines and schedules our grandmothers and great-grandmothers followed. From the 1950s housewives to the Amish communities of today, having designated days for specific tasks can bring structure, efficiency, and a sense of accomplishment to our daily lives. As homemakers, adopting these traditional schedules can help us get organized and reclaim the joy of a well-managed home.

The Timeless Wisdom of Daily Routines

In the 1950s, homemakers had a specific rhythm to their weeks. Each day was dedicated to a particular household task, creating a predictable and manageable routine. This approach not only ensured that all chores were completed but also brought a sense of order and purpose to each day. The Amish, known for their simple and effective lifestyles, continue to embrace these structured schedules, allowing them to maintain their homes and farms efficiently.

Embracing the Homemaker Schedule

By reintroducing a daily schedule into our lives, we can transform the way we manage our homes. Here’s a sample weekly schedule that reflects this traditional approach:

Monday: Laundry Day Start the week by tackling the laundry. Sorting, washing, drying, and folding can be a daunting task, but dedicating one day to it ensures it doesn’t pile up. Involve your children by teaching them to sort their clothes or fold simple items.

Tuesday: Baking Day Set aside Tuesdays for baking. Whether it’s bread, cookies, or muffins, baking can be a therapeutic and rewarding activity. Plus, it ensures you have fresh, homemade goodies for the week ahead. Get your little ones involved by letting them help with measuring and mixing.

Wednesday: Cleaning Day Deep cleaning can be overwhelming, but dedicating one day to it makes it more manageable. Focus on different areas of the house each week or tackle one major chore, like vacuuming, dusting, or scrubbing bathrooms. This routine keeps your home sparkling clean without feeling like an endless task.

Thursday: Errands Day Reserve Thursdays for running errands. Plan your grocery shopping, post office visits, and other out-of-the-house tasks on this day. This way, you can consolidate trips, save time, and reduce stress by knowing exactly when you’ll get these tasks done.

Friday: Organizing Day Use Fridays to organize and declutter. Tackle a different room or area each week, whether it’s the pantry, closets, or kids’ play areas. A little weekly organizing goes a long way in maintaining a tidy home.

Saturday: Family Day Dedicate Saturdays to family time. Plan fun activities, outings, or just relax together at home. This day is about bonding and creating cherished memories without the pressure of chores.

Sunday: Rest and Plan Sundays are for rest and reflection. Take it easy, enjoy a slower pace, and spend some time planning for the week ahead. This can include meal planning, reviewing your schedule, and setting goals.

Why This Approach Works

Predictability and Routine: Having a set day for each task creates a predictable routine that helps manage time and reduces stress.

Efficiency: Focusing on one major task each day prevents overwhelm and ensures that everything gets done without last-minute scrambling.

Family Involvement: Involving your children in daily tasks teaches them responsibility and the value of contributing to household chores.

Sense of Accomplishment: Completing specific tasks each day gives a sense of accomplishment and order, making homemaking more enjoyable.

Bringing It Home

Adopting these traditional schedules might seem old-fashioned, but they can be incredibly effective in our modern lives. As homemakers, we have the power to create a harmonious and organized environment for our families. By bringing back the schedules of the past, we can reclaim the art of homemaking and enjoy a more balanced, peaceful, and fulfilling life.

I hold it in my heart to share the wisdom of our grandmothers and the simplicity of the Amish. We can all create a beautiful schedule and enjoy the blessings of a well-ordered home, finding satisfaction in the daily rhythms that make homemaking a true labor of love.

With warmth and dedication,

Kimmi