#it’s the third time I’m trying to post this

[lazysoulwriter]

only ever you. - pedro pascal.

requested! thank you so much for sending. (i'm sorry for taking a little longer than usual to post!)

----

You hadn’t meant to see it.

His phone had lit up on the kitchen counter at 2:13 a.m., vibrating with a soft buzz that broke the silence of the dark apartment. The name wasn’t familiar — Julia. And underneath, the preview: “You didn’t have to be so sweet last night.”

Your breath caught in your throat. You didn’t even realize you’d picked the phone up until you were staring at the message, hands trembling. The notification disappeared before you could open it, and the screen went dark again, leaving your reflection staring back at you.

You didn’t sleep after that.

Pedro stirred beside you hours later, pressing a lazy kiss to your bare shoulder like he always did. Like everything was normal. Like your heart wasn’t collapsing in slow motion.

You went through the motions of the morning. Coffee. His hand brushing yours when he passed the sugar. A soft “love you” before he left for the gym. And you nodded. You smiled, maybe. You weren’t sure. You just knew that as soon as the door closed, you sat down on the floor and tried to breathe.

You didn’t say anything for two full days. You weren’t ready.

You watched him like you were outside your own body — how he lit up when he talked about the project he was filming, how he still kissed the top of your head when he walked past the couch. You hated how badly you wanted to believe nothing had happened.

But the message replayed in your mind every time he smiled at you. So sweet last night. What the hell did that mean?

You finally broke after dinner on the third night. You were supposed to watch a movie together. Pedro had just pressed play, remote still in his hand, when you said, "Who’s Julia?"

His head turned slowly. Confused. “What?”

You hated the way your voice cracked. “Julia. She texted you. Said you were sweet. Last night.”

His whole body stilled. Remote forgotten. His brows furrowed in a way that was almost… hurt?

“Wait—what? What are you talking about?”

You hated that he looked genuinely confused. It made your stomach churn worse.

“I saw the message. I wasn’t trying to snoop, Pedro, I swear, it just—your phone lit up. I—” You ran a hand through your hair. “I just need to know. Please.”

Silence. Long and heavy.

He stood slowly, crossing to you. His voice was calm. Too calm. “Mi amor, you think I—?” He stopped himself, jaw clenching. “I would never. You know I would never.”

“Then explain it.”

“She’s part of the cast. We had a wrap dinner last week, and she had a panic attack when the paparazzi swarmed her outside the restaurant. Everyone else was too busy acting like it was normal. I offered to call her a car, waited with her until it came. That’s it.”

Your throat tightened. “That’s all it was?”

His eyes were glassy now. “You think I’d touch another woman when I have you?” He lean closer. “When I wake up every day thinking how lucky I am that you even look at me?”

You bit your lip, trying to keep it together. “It just felt real. The message. The way she said it—like there was more.”

He reached out, hesitant, then cupped your cheek gently. “I’m an actor. I know how things can look. But I’m also a man in love, and I don’t half-ass that. I don’t play games with your heart.”

You exhaled shakily. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think it mattered. Not because I wanted to hide anything, but because I didn’t see it as anything worth remembering. She was scared, I was nice. That’s it. You’re the only one I come home to. The only one I want.”

Your tears fell silently. He wiped them away with his thumbs, kissing your forehead, then your temple.

“I’m so sorry you felt like you had to carry that alone,” he whispered. “Next time, please just ask me. I don’t ever want to see you hurting because of something I could’ve cleared up.”

You leaned into his touch. Let yourself believe him — not because you were desperate, but because he meant it. You knew his heart. And it was yours.

“Okay,” you whispered. “I believe you.”

He kissed you then, slow and full of emotion, like he was pouring everything he couldn’t say into your lips. You melted into him, arms wrapping tight around his neck, grounding yourself in the safety of his presence.

Maybe love wasn’t always easy. But with Pedro, even the pain had purpose — and the ending was always soft.

-----

[theskywithin]

There’s More to the Houses Than You Think

Twelve Doors Into the Soul’s Memory

✨ Author’s Note: In my first book, I explored the birth chart through a classic, psychological lens, grounded in human experience and practical meaning. But the more I worked with astrology, the more I began to hear the voice of the soul beneath the structure. This post is a glimpse into the second book I’m now writing, one that deeply explores the chart from a soul-centered perspective. Together, both books offer two sides of the same truth: one helps you understand your human path, the other guides you through your soul’s remembering. I hope you like it ✨ Stay Tuned! 🪐

✦ First House

The 1st House is the starting line of the soul, the moment your essence chose to return. It’s the place where you re-entered the world and agreed, once again, to exist in form. This house shows both where and how you began this life, where you landed, and how you chose to appear. The sign on the cusp describes the energetic style you needed to embody in that first breath, not just physically, but spiritually. It holds the imprint of your earliest instinct: the moment your soul said, “I am here.” But this isn’t necessarily your truest self. It’s the version of you that could survive the landing. The shape you had to take. The armor you wore before you were safe enough to soften. The way you moved before you were ready to feel. From a soul perspective, the 1st House is not just a mask, it’s a memory. A memory of separation. Of stepping out of the infinite and into a single identity. Of agreeing to be seen even when you didn’t yet remember who you were. This house carries the imprint of your karmic threshold. The edge you crossed when you said: “I’ll try again. But this time, I’ll begin like this.”

✦ Second House

If the 1st House is the moment the soul says “I am,” then the 2nd is where it asks, “Can I stay?” This house is the soul’s relationship with presence, permission, and permanence. Permission to take up space. Permission to trust the body. Permission to receive without proving you’ve earned it. From a soul perspective, the 2nd House carries the imprint of embodiment, not just living in a body, but belonging to it. Feeling your feet on the ground. Knowing you are allowed to have needs. Choosing to build something slow even after lifetimes of instability or survival. The sign on the cusp and the planets in it show the test your soul willingly walked into. The environment it chose to re-enter in order to unlearn what it once believed was true. Perhaps that safety must be earned. That stillness is dangerous. That having too much leads to loss. That value comes from sacrifice. This house becomes the field where you rewire those beliefs, slowly, gently, in real time. Not to become better. But to come back to yourself. The 2nd House is about what you slowly allow yourself to trust. It asks you to come back into the body not just as a vessel, but as a place worth living in. And to remember that you don’t have to earn what’s already yours.

✦ Third House

This is where the soul wakes up to thought, perception and meaning. The 3rd House holds the soul’s first real conversation with contrast. This is where the world begins to contradict itself, where things stop being simple, and start being interpreted. Here, the soul is surrounded by complexity: early voices, rapid thoughts, competing beliefs. A fast-moving environment of influences that don’t always align. And from that confusion, something begins to form: a personal narrative. A structure. A system of thought, not always true, but deeply familiar. This house holds the tone of your inner voice, the one that speaks when no one is listening. The one that loops. The one that learned early how to make sense of noise. From a soul perspective, the 3rd House is about mental awakening through contradiction. The environment the soul chose to sharpen perception, to question the obvious, to learn how to separate pattern from truth. And the sign on the cusp shows how you process complexity: whether you organize it, absorb it, filter it, challenge it, or whether you’re still learning how to quiet the echo of thoughts that were never fully yours. This isn’t about speaking clearly. It’s about thinking clearly in a world that taught you to do the opposite.

✦ Fourth House

The 4th House is the energetic basement, the root system of the chart. From a soul perspective, it’s about what you carried in with you. This is where the soul stores emotional memory, the deep, quiet kind. Not memory in words, memory in feeling. A kind of energetic USB, holding all the data your body doesn’t remember, but your nervous system never forgot. Here lives the imprint of lifetimes: The ache of having been abandoned. The fear of being invisible. The longing to be held or the decision to never need holding again. This house tells you what still lives inside you from where you’ve been. It holds the climate of your inner world, your unconscious reflex to retreat, to protect, to collapse inward. And the sign on the cusp shows how you manage that emotional archive: whether you wall it off, wrap it in softness, bury it deep, or try to clean it until it disappears. The 4th House isn’t about the home you have. It’s about the home you are. And whether your soul feels safe enough to return to it.

✦ Fifth House

The 5th House is where your soul came to feel light again. This is the part of you that remembers life isn’t just a test. It’s a vacation for the soul. A rare chance to taste strawberries. To dance in sunlight. To kiss someone and not overthink it. To create something beautiful that doesn’t need to prove its worth. From a soul perspective, this house isn’t about performance. It’s not about winning, competing, or collecting praise. It’s about returning to the childlike part of you that once knew how to love boldly, express honestly, and play without wondering who was watching. It’s about presence. About sensation. Because the soul didn’t just come here to evolve, it also came here to experience. The body you live in is a suitcase you brought along to feel everything this life has to offer. The five senses are how your spirit stays grounded in the beauty of being here. This house resists the noise of modern life, the comparison, the urgency, the pressure to always be doing. Here, your soul detoxes from all that. It remembers that joy is not a reward. It’s a right. The sign on the cusp shows how you reclaim that joy: with music, with movement, with curiosity, with warmth. This is about being alive. Present. Sensing. Free. The 5th House is where your soul says: “This is what you came for. Don’t forget to enjoy it.”

✦ Sixth House

The 6th House is where the soul learns how to stay in the body, in the moment, in the motion of daily life. This is not the house of fixing. It’s the house of tending. Of showing up not to perfect yourself, but to care for yourself and the world around you, bit by bit, breath by breath. From a soul perspective, this is where devotion becomes embodied in the way you pour your tea. In the way you care for your nervous system. In how you meet your own needs without shame. This is also where the soul learns how to cooperate with other souls. To walk beside people, not ahead of them, not behind them. To contribute, to support, to serve out of remembrance that you came here together. It’s not about sacrifice. It’s about shared rhythm. About learning how to move in harmony with life, with others, with the version of yourself that needs patience, not pressure. The sign on the cusp shows how you offer your presence: with structure, with softness, with discernment, with sensitivity. The 6th House doesn’t ask you to do something grand. It asks you to do something real. To tend. To stay. And to remember that even the smallest acts, done with care, can become a form of light.

✦ Seventh House

The 7th House is where the soul meets its mirror. Not to find a missing piece but to realize it was never missing at all. This house holds the space where “I” becomes “we.” But from a soul perspective, it’s not about finding the one. It’s about seeing what gets reflected when you stand close to another. What you admire. What you fear. What you hand over without realizing it was yours to begin with. The 7th House is not about romantic endings. It’s about recognition. A place where the soul enters into relationship not for comfort, but for integration. To reclaim the parts of itself it once projected onto someone else. This is where connection becomes a kind of soul work. Where love becomes the mirror that shows you your strength, your shadow, your softness, your patterns. Where you learn that intimacy doesn’t mean merging. It means choosing, again and again, to stay present with another soul while still staying whole. The sign on the cusp reveals how you relate and what you’re still learning to own within yourself. It may show the kind of energy you look for in others because you haven’t yet allowed it to live fully in you. From a soul lens, this house isn’t about losing yourself in someone else. It’s about finding yourself through the act of meeting them. And it asks only one thing in return: Let the mirror soften you, not define you.

✦ Eighth House

The 8th House is where the soul goes to burn. Not in punishment, in purification. This is not the house of endings. It’s the house of unraveling. Of shedding what no longer fits. Of releasing what was never truly yours. From a soul perspective, the 8th House holds the energy of karmic entanglement. The bonds that don’t make sense, but feel ancient. The grief that shows up without a story. The power dynamics you didn’t choose but somehow repeat. You don’t need to understand them. Your soul remembers. And it came here to transmute. This is where the deepest work happens, where silence becomes a language and what’s hidden begins to rise. Shame, obsession, longing, control, all surface here, not to hurt you, but to free you. The 8th House is also where the soul learns to merge without disappearing. Where intimacy becomes ritual. Where sex becomes more than flesh, it becomes a form of soul-speak. A way for two beings to share memory through the body. To move energy. To say, “I see you,” without needing words. To feel truth move between skin and spirit. And the sign on the cusp reveals how you enter this transformation, with intensity, fear, silence, trust, hunger, or resistance. But no one leaves this house the same. Not because something is taken but because something false is burned away. The 8th House is not about death. It’s about what survives it. It’s where your soul walks into the fire, and walks out whole.

✦ Ninth House

The 9th House is where the soul looks up. After everything it’s lost. After everything it’s survived. This is where the soul wants to understand. From a soul perspective, this house holds the pull between escape and awakening. It’s the restless urge to go elsewhere and the deeper invitation to see more clearly right here. This is the soul’s classroom. Not one with walls, but with windows. Here, it learns through instruments: through books and myths, rituals and ruins, distant lands and quiet teachers. Through every story that feels strangely familiar. Every culture that reminds you how similar we all are even when we speak in different tongues. Because in this house, truth isn’t singular. It’s layered. It speaks in symbols. It repeats itself across continents, scriptures, centuries. The soul doesn’t want one belief, it wants a constellation of meaning. A high enough view to see the thread connecting everything it’s been through. The 9th House is the soul’s desire to stretch. To grow through experience, not theory. To learn that every story you encounter, every road you walk, every truth you translate, is just another version of the lesson you came here to live. And the sign on the cusp shows how you seek that wisdom: with fire, with humility, with openness, with doubt. This isn’t about certainty. It’s about faith without finality. Wonder without walls. It’s where your soul remembers: There are many names for the divine but the lesson is always the same.

✦ Tenth House

The 10th House is where the soul emerges from the quiet. From all the internal work, the shedding, the seeking. This is where it asks, “What am I here to give back?” Not for applause. Not for recognition. But because the truth it holds has ripened and it’s time to offer it. From a soul perspective, this house is not just about legacy. It’s about alignment. The moment when your outer life begins to reflect your inner wisdom. When what you’ve carried for lifetimes finally meets the moment it can be received. This is the house of sacred visibility. Where your presence teaches. Where your lived truth becomes a light for others. It’s not about being above them, it’s about speaking from where you’ve been, so those still on the path can hear something familiar and remember their own strength. Imagine this house as a conference room of souls. You are the speaker now. Not because you’re better but because you’ve lived the lesson. And others came here to learn what you now hold effortlessly. You’re not here to perform. You’re here to pass it on. And the sign on the cusp reveals how you lead, with quiet authority, creative truth, steady devotion, visionary insight. The 10th House doesn’t ask you to become something you’re not. It asks you to embody what you already are and trust that when you do, the world will feel it. Because your greatest impact isn’t what you build. It’s what you leave behind in others once you’ve spoken your truth.

✦ Eleventh House

The 11th House is the house of resonance. Not popularity. Not fitting in. But finding the ones who recognize your frequency and say, “I remember you.” This is where the soul steps beyond the self into the field of shared vision, collective growth, and cosmic collaboration. From a soul perspective, the 11th House is where you meet the people you’ve been carrying in your field for lifetimes. The ones you made promises to before you got here. The ones who arrive not to mirror you, but to build with you. It’s the space of soul contracts, both old and new. Where energy introduces itself before names do. Where something inside you softens because, finally, you’re not dreaming the future alone. The 11th House is also the place of the next horizon. Where you stretch toward something bigger than yourself. A vision. A mission. A frequency you can only hold fully when you're surrounded by others who feel it too. It’s not about belonging to the crowd. It’s about finding the current you belong to. And choosing to move with it. The sign on the cusp reveals how your soul connects: with rebellion, with devotion, with innovation, with care. And how you magnetize the ones who are meant to walk beside you, not because you try to be like them, but because you finally dared to be fully yourself. This is the house where the future begins in soulful company.

✦ Twelfth House

The 12th House is not where things end. It’s where they unravel. Where names fall away. Where roles dissolve. Where you remember: You are soul, not skin and bones. This is the soul’s secret room, its sanctuary, its silence, its soft return. From a soul perspective, this house is a spiritual echo chamber where your truth speaks, not in words, but in symbols, dreams, and knowing. A language not made for logic, only for those who remember how to feel without needing proof. Here, solitude becomes communion with the unseen. Stillness becomes prayer. Surrender becomes the softest kind of power. You don’t always know what’s healing here but something is. Quietly. Behind the curtain of the conscious mind. The 12th House holds the energies you carry without knowing. The karmic threads, the ancestral dreams, the emotions that don’t seem to belong to this life, but live inside you all the same. And the sign on the cusp shows how you listen. How you retreat. How you dream, dissolve, and disappear. This is not a house of isolation. It is a place of return. A whispered reminder that before you were anyone, you were everything.

🔍 Decode your chart from the inside out. My first book is a deep dive into how your mind, identity, and behavior are written in the stars.

[mattslvrxo]

second series!!

{ hate how much i need you. }

part { 1 }

꣑ৎ { enemy user x matt sturniolo } ꣑ৎ

{ ! } contains: sex, blackmailing, nsfw content, adulatory , drinking, bars, swearing, .. etc

based on the song

╰┈➤ ❝ . ۫ . too sweet . ۫ . ❞۫

{your pov}

i hated matt sturniolo the second he opened his mouth. not because he was rude — although he was — but because he looked at me like he already had me figured out. like he’d seen a hundred girls like me before and none of them were worth the trouble.

“you post to be seen,” he said at that first party, lazily drunk, slouched into the couch like the room belonged to him. “it’s desperate.” i laughed. “and you post to be worshipped. at least i’m honest.”

we’d spent the rest of the night wrapped in that tension — arms crossed, words sharp, eyes dragging across each other when we thought the other wasn’t looking. i knew he wanted me. he knew i knew. and that’s what made it worse.

he ghosted me after the first time we hooked up. he didn’t say a word, didn’t follow me, didn’t answer when i reached out. just left me with bruises on my hips and a bitter taste in my mouth. so i ghosted him back when he came around the second time.

i stopped asking why we kept circling back. by the third time, i’d learned not to care.

we weren’t friends. we didn’t talk. we avoided each other in public and stalked each other in private. i knew his fake finsta. i knew he subscribed to my alt spam just to watch me go out with other people. he knew who i hooked up with and made sure every guy i even flirted with got the message: don’t try it.

lol he never said it outright, but i could feel it. he hated that he wanted me. and i hated how much i liked it.

the worst part?

i craved it too.

⸻

{ matt’s pov }

i’ve had sweet. the kind of girls that text back right away, giggle when you say dumb shit, show up early, kiss like it’s their first time every time. but her? she wasn’t sweet.

she was all bite. all heat. a problem in platform heels and low-cut everything. the kind of girl who made you forget your own name just to moan hers. and i was stupid enough to fall for it.

the night at the bar changed everything.

it was a private bar, the fanciest, so i wasnt afraid of paparazzi going there.. or any crazy fans, most of my fans cant even drink yet.

i was already in a bad mood. some shit had gone to my mind, my brothers were pissing me off, and then i saw her. across the room. skin glowing under neon, dress short, eyes sharp, with dark eyeliner. some guy had his hand on her waist and i knew right then i was about to do something dumb.

the guy was yelling. too loud. too close.

“baby,” i said, sliding my hands around her waist from behind, like they belonged there. i looked him dead in the eyes. “she’s with me.”

her body stiffened like she was about to tell me off — and she should’ve — but she didn’t. instead, she leaned in, head against my neck, like we were already halfway home.

when the guy left, she shoved me against the bathroom wall. “you don’t get to play hero,” she hissed. “you hate me, i hate you.” “i do,” i muttered, pulling her hips to mine. “so shut up and let me hate you like this.”

we fucked like we were trying to destroy each other. hands bruising, lips biting, her legs locked around my waist like she wanted to break me open and live inside.

after, we sat on the tile floor, breathing heavy. she stared at the ceiling like it didn’t matter, like none of it ever did.

“this isn’t real,” she said, eyes blank. “i know.” but it felt real. it always fucking did. i couldn’t stop going back to her.

she made me insane. she blackmailed me once just to see if she could — sent me a photo of us in her bed and said, “post that stupid tiktok about loving clean girls and i’ll drop this instead.”

i swear that picture had an effect on me, it didnt show my face, but it showed my arm and someone could recognize my tattoos easily. it was a picture of her, my cock in her right hand. she was staring darkly into the camera, teasing smirk, lips plump, hair messed up, makeup ruined, yet she still looked like a goddess.

i should’ve been furious. instead, i jerked off to that picture more than i care to admit.

⸻

{ your pov }

matt’s obsession was the only thing more dangerous than mine.

we didn’t belong together. he was brand-safe, swore on camera but gently , didn’t even drink. i was everything he wasn’t allowed to touch. my name wasn’t attached to his in public — but it was written all over him behind closed doors.

he kissed like a man trying to make me forget everyone else. and when he begged under his breath — “just this once, please baby ive been good and—” i always let him in.

but after? it was always the same.

i’d fix my hair. he’d adjust his hoodie. one of us would say it.

“i still hate you.” i’d mutter as i put my clothes on. “i hate you more sweetheart, dont forget it.” he would replied with a soft murmur.

we both knew it was a lie.

[darlingdaisyfarm]

Hello my amazing, talented, gorgeous queen♥, I've got smth that has been itching my brain for sooo long and I can't contain myself any longer:

Soooo, hear me out... Remember that episode of gravity falls where Dipper clones himself? I was thinking 'what if it was Ford?' And then I thought 'but make it nsfw' likeeee????? I'll leave the rest to u but... Have fun with it!!!!!

Your dearest, 🌻 Anon

(P.s I will return!!! Also LOVE your stuff❤❤❤❤)

HELLOOO???? the way i actually giggled about “queen” like. AAAAAA. no one’s called me that before and aaahggg you making me shy!!

also HELLOOOO again??? ur idea?? i read it once and my hands were already twitching to write and finally damn finally i started smth today!! 🌻 anon, ily

i’m already writing it (trying to decide if it needs to be a full one shot or just a little blurb but knowing me...sadly it'll be the first)

i will be sharing a sneak peek right now!!! :)) ill probably edit this millions of times before ill post the whole thing

Ford stares at the clone, at himself. or rather, at the other him. it’s uncanny, he would describe it so. every angle, detail and every tired crease in his forehead, exactly the same. and yet somehow it makes him deeply uncomfortable.

the clone tilts his head, adjusting his glasses, squinting thoughtfully at real Ford.

“do my glasses really sit that crooked?” the clone asks, poking at the bridge. “is that why everything’s slightly tilted all the time?”

“hm,” real Stanford rubs his chin. “honestly, i always wondered if these frames made my face look too narrow.”

“wait, do they?” the clone presses, turning slightly, admiring the angle of the glasses from the side. “maybe the square ones Fidds offered me would’ve—“

“how do you know?” Stanford wants to ask, but then he clicks his tongue, because, ah yeah. . . that's literally his clone. so instead he says, “just, stop touching them, alright?”

the clone raises a brow. “but they’re our glasses, no?”

“actually, mine,” Ford corrects stiffly, suddenly hyperaware of the smudge on his left lens. god. do they really squish his face?

real Ford paces in a tight circle, muttering furiously under his breath, thinking what to do next while behind him, his clone is inspecting the lab.

“you really let the flux cables sit like that? you know they’re supposed to be wrapped clockwise, not—“

“great,” real Stanford snaps, whirling around. “just great. now i get to be corrected by my own clone. is this what i’m like? is this what living with me is like?”

clone Ford blinks and smiles. “yes. obviously!”

that makes Stanford rub his temples hard enough to dig grooves into his skull. “i didn’t make you so you could reorganize my entire lab and critique my wire handling.”

“Ford?” your voice sounds, lilting down the hall. “you okay? you’ve been quiet down there.”

the clone’s breath catches as he turns toward the door. “who was that?”

Ford panics. no. no. no. “you didn’t hear anything,” he says too fast.

but to his fear, second Ford is already dreamy-eyed and real Stanford gets a great view of himself when he blushes. so silly, geez. . . “oh, she sounds divine. how did we land someone with a voice like that?”

Ford’s eye twitches. “don’t romanticize my partner, you bootlegged pervert. . .“ he mumbles to himself, already thinking about what to do with his annoying copy.

annoying scanning sound suddenly fills the room as the cloning machine starts working again.

“what are you doing? stop that!” Stanford panics, but it's too late.

“sorry, im just curious about how this machine works! you're curious too, right? you’re always saying curiosity is what drives progress!” the clone says, pushing up his glasses with a proud face.

looks like a third pair of eyes wouldn’t hurt.

[phleb0tomist]

it’s my 25th birthday on saturday n i’m trying to have a ‘que sera sera’ attitude about spending another major bday in bed. ten bedbound birthdays and countng?! and tbh the physical aspect of it is easy to accept at this point, i get that my bodily reality is non negotiable, but the social aspect is still so confusing because i keep feeling like i COULD be more socially part of the world if the infrastructure would bend toward me just a tiny bit. i don’t think that’s selfish. i think interdependence is a normal and reasonable thing to dream of. I reach further when I know someone else is struggling, i wish the world at large would do this for disabled ppl instead of excluding us further.

I wish there were more people in my life who knew about my existence. who had the chance to know! life could be a dream. i envy the fact that most ppl regularly get to casually cross paths with other human beings irl, like at work or school or even just taking the trash out. i don’t get to have those glimpses of miscellaneous humanity or really ever see strangers at all.

it’s hard to carve out a meaningful space in people’s minds when you’re too unwell be present in the outside world or do any of the the stuff that typically builds bonds. friendships are largely forged in third spaces. if you wanna hang out with me, it will just be me lying in bed while you sit next to me and a lot of the time i can’t speak or have the lights on. it takes a lot of trust for me to be present with someone in the shape that I live in, and i truly believe you can build whole universes lying in the dark with a friend, and i HAVE done, and i’m tremendously grateful for the amazing people who spend time with me in this way. I love it so much. but most visitors don’t seem to see any value in it. i guess for them it’s just an awkward hour.

i’m not sure where the line can be drawn between whats legit impossible bc of my health (i.e. daily texting is impossible for me so i wouldnt want that), what IS possible but what i have failed to foster and am responsible for the absence of, and what is maybe just the social architecture of the current world failing me. my great grandma had post-polio syndrome as a teen and the neighbourhood teens would actually come to her window and wave to her every day or come sit with her. I don’t know what anyone in my neighbourhood looks like???

anyway.

[patowardd]

@.patriciooward Front row Saturday

[loyallieutenant]

Every city’s got a graveyard [x]

[lochlot]

i haven’t finished the show yet but they totally are gay and run away together and live happily ever after right? guys ? right? guys?

[jellyvibes710]

How is it April already?? My birthday is in 3 days- how?

And l'm sick 🫠

I figured for the days before my birthday l'll do an asks sort of thing? It can be about little baby blue, it can be about last hope, side projects, and about me? I suppose haha,

Little baby blue consists of 5 chapters and last hope so far has 3 l've built up.

if you want a spoiler for future parts let's go ahead and set it up as chapter # [script, meaningful character line, WIP animation draft, main focus]

If you want to get to know more about the characters and their personalities in this au put [leo, Donnie, Mikey, Raph, splinter, ect.] fun fact, fears, backstory, how certain things will effect them, or just anything you can think of haha, same thing can go for wanting to know what characters will be in both stories

Ive put a ton of thought into the stories and characteristics

There's just a lot :]

Till then, I'll be perishing

{same thing can go for the meaning behind some drawings and how it'll effect the story]

[ffishstick]

Gravity something

[linoguy]

everyone look at my boy, one half of my 2001 model boys

[loderlied]

ok i cannot find the original post/deleted the reblog i need for context so. doing with an old screenshot ig (cw for talk of sa)

so like. y’know how there are men who assault women they aren’t even attracted to, women they see as beneath them and this assault as a reinforcement of that status and nothing more, or especially like. military/war situations. defeating/destroying your enemy. that’s what i mean w the degrading & hurting thing in the tags

post linked in the og

[distantsolarsystemsandsnails]

last christmas as in THE LAST CHRISTMAS WE’RE GONNA HAVE IN THIS HOUSE I’M SO SAD

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

no fucking way did it take this guy ive been talking to go from “you’re the prettiest girl i’ve ever seen” to “you’re a stupid white trash hoe” in like four days

[oorangesoda]

I’m starting to realize how rusty my writing skills have gotten while trying to get through this short fic…

[indi-glo-archive]

me still being on tumblr is like. i think i got so used to suffering that i just do it for no reason now

The kinds of things the Heartstopper and Young Royals fandoms put me through as a child were genuinely so fucked, and the only reason I didn't bat an eye was because I'd already developed dissociative disorders from my other child abuse (shoutout to the person who told me it was obvious I'd never been bullied bc I sympathized with a fictional fellow victim!).

People called me woke trash, racist, and repeatedly accused me of being an abuse/rape apologist for pointing out flaws and being able to put myself in characters' shoes (AKA write good analysis?). I got hate asks on a regular basis, people coming into my inbox just to tell me how much they hated characters I related to, trying to convince me that these characters, that people like me, are the scum of the earth because our trauma responses aren't palatable enough for them.

These are people who straight up do not give a fuck about child abuse if the child doesn't respond to it in a way they're comfortable with. These are people who will demonize abuse victims and make joking death threats about teenagers whose lives are implied to be in active danger. These are people who dismissed every one of my attempts to bring up racism and ableism in these shows because they were so fucking fragile and terrified of acknowledging their own imperfections. They attacked me for noticing and added to the racism and ableism I had to deal with instead of sucking it up and learning something.

And I know that this had a real impact on people who weren't me and didn't have my kind of armor because I also had people in my inbox who related to them like I did. I had adults agreeing that if they'd encountered these fandoms when they were younger, it would've made them suicidal. I had teenagers who related to the characters saying that they had been similarly abused. I'm really glad I was able to be a safe person for them, and I'm disappointed that I was one of the only ones there to do it when there are so many so-called "allies" here.

There is something seriously fucking wrong with these fandoms, and you all should be ashamed of yourself for cyberbullying teenagers off the internet. You need to reflect on that shit and fix it if you want to consider yourself any kind of ally or empath or cool gay teacher or any kind of positive influence in the spaces you’re in

(P.S. I swear to fucking god if people respond to this post with "but he sexually assaulted someone" and ignore literally every other personality trait/experience he had that could've been relatable to a child abuse survivor and the way people mistreated me, a real human being, which Charlie is not by the way, I will start doing the things you wanted to do to Ben)