#it’s the awareness that people fear him

[rothpie]

❝FIDELITY❞ |part4

MASTERLIST -`✮´- Rafe Cameron x Kook!Reader x JJ Maybank

Summary: Kook!Reader’s world is upended by betrayal, and her only way forward might lie with the most unlikely person—JJ Maybank. But as they build a new life together, old flames and past mistakes refuse to stay buried.

Warnings: mentioning abortion, daddy issues, mentioning violence, kind of depression

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You missed feeling relaxed. You missed that brief period without all the stress packed into these last two weeks. Actually, it wasn’t just these two weeks. Ever since you noticed the symptoms, a constant worry had settled inside you.

What would Rafe say, what would your family say, how would they react—would they even want this?

Now, at least you knew what they felt. You knew they didn’t want this, that they were trying to convince you to end it. But the worry hadn’t gone away, not for a second. It clung to you like it knew your weakest spot, pressing down on it relentlessly.

Looking at the big picture, you didn’t really have anything left to fear. The people who needed to know had found out. Even though their reactions were awful, now you knew, and you’d have to carry on knowing it.

And that was what truly scared you.

You were starting to feel anxious about the future. Bringing a child into the world without anyone by your side would be incredibly tough, and you were sure of that. You were basically broke, with no support from your family.

Entering a dark, unknown path without any light ahead was terrifying.

This wasn’t how you wanted things to turn out.

“You’re quiet.”

Arms crossed over your chest, you were walking with your gaze on the ground. If he hadn’t spoken, you might not even have been aware of the state you were in. At the sound of his voice, you lifted your head and looked at his face. He was smiling at you, just like always.

His smile didn’t seem very sincere—it was almost infuriating. And you could tell he was doing it on purpose. He seemed to enjoy messing with you, and you hated it. The way he talked to you, as if you were some alien who just didn’t get it, made your blood boil. It was like he was observing you the way someone would watch a caged animal.

When it became clear you weren’t going to answer, JJ chuckled and turned his gaze forward. The sky was nearly dark, and the air was beginning to chill.

To be fair, he wasn’t oblivious to the fact that you weren’t exactly on a pleasant path. The evening was closing in, and the road had grown desolate. But he knew this walk would be worth it.

You were behind him, but JJ made a point of staying close to you. Not because he wanted to be near you, really—he just wanted to make sure you were ready for anything. Simply put, though he’d never admit it, he didn’t want you to miss out on this. He’d never say it, but these weren’t the safest paths to be on.

Hearing you sigh in frustration behind him, JJ rolled his eyes. Your impatience was practically a signature trait, especially for a Kook like you. “Not a fan of hiking, huh?” JJ’s teasing was obvious, and you disliked his tone. Just a bit.

“This isn’t hiking,” you muttered, trying to scrape mud off your shoe. You could swear you were in the most godforsaken corner of the world. "This—this feels more like a death march. Tell me there’s something good at the end of this, or else—”

JJ couldn’t help but let out a deep sigh. Sometimes, he thought your silent moments were his favorites, but hearing you complain actually amused him in its own way. Whatever happened, you’d keep following him like a little lost puppy. He cut you off before you could go on. “We’re almost there.”

When your complaints subsided, he found himself smiling involuntarily. He was absolutely certain you’d hate every bit of this, but for now, you were stuck here with him. You didn’t really have anywhere else to go. Sure, he did—he could go to John B’s place, and he would eventually.

It just didn’t sit right with him to leave you on your own. He hadn’t been raised with high standards, but—he was still the kind of guy who wouldn’t leave a girl alone at night.

And since he definitely wasn’t taking you to John B’s house—he was sure you’d say no—the only option left was his own style of a safe, quiet spot. At least you wouldn’t stand out around the Pogues, and you’d get some peace and quiet.

To say he was doing it entirely for you would’ve been a big lie. He needed some time, too. He wasn’t ready to show up at John B’s place, explain everything, and face them in this state. JJ didn’t want to feel their silent pity, even if they didn’t say it out loud.

You wouldn’t ask, he was sure of that—or at least he hoped. And even if you did, it wouldn’t stick in your memory for long. To you, JJ was just some random person, and to him, you were the same. Your lives didn’t really intersect in any meaningful way.

JJ pushed some branches and shrubs aside to clear a path for you, and you followed close behind. This hike was becoming increasingly strange from your perspective.

As the sky darkened and you nearly found yourself in the forest, JJ took out his phone and turned on its flashlight. You rummaged through your pockets, intending to do the same, when you remembered storming out of the house in such a hurry. Honestly, you were lucky you’d even put on shoes because you’d left everything—literally everything—behind. Wallet, phone, cash, hair tie, body spray, everything was still at home. You were truly penniless.

JJ jumped down from a ledge and extended his hand to you. The realization that you’d left everything behind had hit you hard, but you pushed aside the frustration and focused on the path.

You tucked your hair behind your ears and tested the ground with your foot. It was pure mud. “Come on.” JJ extended his hand a bit further. You hesitated, but something in you trusted he’d catch you. Even though JJ was unreliable in general, you believed he wouldn’t let you fall. Just as you trusted he’d keep your pregnancy a secret.

He could be obnoxious, foolish, and infuriating—but he wasn’t a bad person.

As soon as you jumped down and took his hand, JJ quickly leaned forward and caught you by the back to keep you steady. Your foot slipped on the mud, but his grip kept you safe from harm.

“You okay?” he asked. Once he was sure you were steady, he slowly let go of your back and hand, bending down to pick up his backpack. You gave him a quick nod, and he looked at you, nodding back and gesturing at the trail.

Even though he’d held onto you and kept you from falling, you were still frustrated at the path he’d chosen. “I already hate this,” you said, and JJ immediately started laughing. The fact that your irritation amused him made you somehow even more annoyed.

You crossed your arms and took a deep breath, tempted to fire back a few words. You just wanted to get under his skin, to rile him up as much as he seemed to enjoy riling you. But it felt impossible. No matter what you said, he just found it funny, like he was looking for any chance to mess with you. Was it your tone, the way you phrased things, or were you just naturally the kind of person he could laugh at? You couldn’t tell, and it only irritated you more.

But then, as you looked over at him, you realized—it was none of those things.

He was genuinely laughing. His dimples appeared. There was no mocking glance, no condescending smirk. He was actually amused. It was like he found you funny, not in a mean way, just… funny.

Just two seconds after you looked at him, JJ turned back with a wide grin—nearly every tooth on display. “Told you you’d hate this,” he chuckled, his voice shaky from laughter, as if still savoring his victory.

He had indeed told you, and he’d meant it. He wasn’t saying it just to annoy you; he genuinely knew you wouldn’t like this. Not that it mattered much. You weren’t alone, after all.

The anger simmering within you slowly began to melt, and for a second, you even wanted to smile back at him. After a brief exchange of glances, you both looked away, but a faint smirk remained on his face.

When JJ sped up a little and moved ahead, you opted to stay behind him. He paused just enough with each branch he brushed aside to make sure you could follow, eventually taking a deep breath as he passed through. “Home sweet home,” he declared, as though this place were actually his.

By the time you both finally made it through the branches and bushes, you were covered in scratches. You swore you’d kill JJ. No blood, but plenty of pain. As he flashed his phone’s light around, you rubbed your sore arm and looked at the scene around you.

Wonderful.

An abandoned dock. Was this his idea of a “nice place”? You figured you had about 15 minutes before the bugs and snakes launched an all-out assault. “I’m not staying here.” you announced firmly, crossing your arms. JJ turned to you with a smile.

Did he ever stop smiling? He nodded as if he agreed, surprising you. You almost thought he was crazy. You’d followed a madman all the way out here. Great decision.

“Same.” he replied, that knowing tone in his voice. Before you could step back, he grabbed your wrist and pulled you along, heading toward the edge of the dock. For a second—a single second—you thought he might push you into the river, but he didn’t.

It was too dark to make out everything around you, but as JJ's phone light lit up the surroundings, you saw it. Slowly, the scene became clear. Was that... a boat?

Did JJ get a boat?

Impossible.

“What are we doing right now?” you asked, pulling your wrist back as he crouched down to untie the boat. His phone light didn’t quite reach, so he handed it to you, gesturing for you to shine it on his hands. You did as he asked, though you watched him warily. What was he even doing?

He had to be nuts.

“Is this... your boat?” you asked, as he stood and stretched out a hand to help you aboard. JJ shook his head, still grinning.

Wait a minute... the boat wasn’t JJ’s. It wasn’t yours either. So—

“Are you stealing this boat?!” you blurted out, unable to hide the horror in your voice. JJ rolled his eyes, extending his hand again as he shook his head. He thought you were being dramatic. This wasn’t stealing.

“We’re not stealing it. We—remember? We’re in this together,” he said, his tone playful. You immediately shook your head, taking a step back, but JJ quickly placed a foot on the dock to steady the boat and grabbed your hand before you could retreat any further. “We’re absolutely not in this together. You dragged me out here on some unknown path, and now you’re stealing a boat—”

JJ couldn’t take your ranting anymore. Without a second thought, he tightened his grip and pulled you onto the boat. The world was pitch black out here, and even if you tried to turn back, you’d get lost. He just hoped you wouldn’t be foolish enough to attempt it.

Once you were on board, JJ stood in front of you, so close that you were nearly nose to nose. When you stumbled, he reached out to steady you by the back, speaking before you could protest further.

“We’re not stealing. We. Got it? We’re just borrowing it, and we’ll bring it back by morning. And if anyone asks, there’s only one thing you need to remember,” he said, his tone casual, yet with a hint of amusement.

As you stared at him, you noticed how close he really was. Your hand rested on his shoulder, and one of his hands was on your arm, the other somewhere between your back and waist. Silently, you waited, wondering what he’d say next. JJ smirked, clearly enjoying your curiosity.

“Deny, deny, deny... You tripped, fell into the boat, and it just happened to drift off on its own. And unfortunately—” he continued, pulling his hands back from you as he spoke. You were so focused on him that you barely noticed his movements. Fixated, you watched him start up the boat as though he’d done it a hundred times.

“We’re just two clueless kids who don’t know how to steer, and the boat just started moving,” he said, a grin still on his face. He turned to make sure you had something to hold onto before he started the engine.

You weren’t sure how long you both stayed silent, just that you hadn’t drifted too far. Sitting beside him, you enjoyed the cool breeze—until it started to chill you to the bone.

You didn’t know where you eventually stopped, but JJ clearly did. You followed his lead, keeping quiet.

Now, both of you were lying quietly at the back of the boat. JJ’s phone lay face down, its flashlight casting a soft glow. You both seemed to enjoy the silence.

You were an idiot. You hadn’t planned anything for tonight, and now, like a fool, you hadn’t even brought anything warm. A T-shirt and red shorts, no jacket. You started to feel the night chill, hoping you wouldn’t catch a cold. You didn’t have the energy for that right now.

JJ noticed. He knew if he handed you one of the blankets from under the seats, you’d wrinkle your nose at it, just like he would. So, instead, he took out his sweatshirt from his bag, took a deep breath, and handed it to you.

He waited for you to refuse, to say you didn’t need it, but you surprised him. You looked at the sweatshirt for a moment, then took it from him without a word, slipping it on quickly.

The slight movement caused JJ’s phone to slide, leaving his face illuminated by the flashlight. His hair, tousled by the wind, fell slightly to one side.

Your gaze lingered on his eyes, but something distracted you—a bruise you hadn’t noticed before. Probably hidden by his hair until now.

JJ realized you’d noticed. Instinctively, he ran a hand through his hair, rearranging it to cover the bruise. He knew exactly what he was doing, turning his head slightly.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out it was fresh. The bruises you’d seen two weeks ago had already faded. This one was definitely new.

JJ saw you looking. He shifted uncomfortably, yet he knew you were still watching him out of the corner of your eye. “What?” he asked with a smile, though it was different from the smiles you’d seen earlier. It just sat there, plastered on his face, almost lifeless. “Did you like what you saw?”

He expected you to look away, maybe even sigh in annoyance or give him a frustrated glare. But you didn’t. You just looked at him, knowing full well that something was wrong. And he knew you knew it, too.

“What happened?” you asked quietly. The words left your mouth almost as light as a feather. But JJ, listening intently, caught every word.

His smile turned bitter as he took a deep breath. He didn’t want to tell you, but things might change, given that you already knew his most guarded secret.

You were each other’s opposite. You were a Kook; you didn’t deal with Pogues. JJ was a Pogue; he didn’t associate with Kooks. You’d barely spoken to anyone from that crowd. Not that you didn’t want to—it just hadn’t interested you.

And yet, here you were with JJ. You weren’t trapped; you’d chosen to follow him willingly. He’d led you to this deserted, uncomfortable place, but it was relaxing. Sure, you’d hated it at first, but now you were starting to like it here.

This was one of those moments you’d never have predicted, not even if someone had told you about it hours earlier. What could you possibly want with a Pogue?

“Did I ever ask you about how that fight went?” JJ’s tone was cold, harsher than he intended. He wasn’t looking to bite back. He didn’t even know why he was saying it, only that he regretted it when he saw your expression fall.

You’d both come out here to get some peace—not to ask questions.

But instead, you withdrew, mumbling a soft, dry, “Sorry.” You drew your legs up, crossing your arms to brace against the chill. There was nothing to see in the darkness around you. Nothing but darkness itself.

JJ hadn’t expected this reaction. For a moment, he’d forgotten how rough your day had been. He’d anticipated a biting remark, even a small argument. But you remained silent, as if you hadn’t asked at all.

Maybe, JJ thought. Maybe you weren’t as stuck-up and unbreakable as he’d thought.

He hadn’t intended to add to your sadness. It was just that he felt his space being invaded. But he already regretted not biting his tongue. He could’ve said nothing at all, but now, it was too late.

You felt like you were meddling, like you were sticking your nose into someone else’s business. And maybe you were. But today, without knowing what had happened, he had helped you. There was no need to ask him anything; whether he chose to open up or not was up to him. Pressuring him for an answer had just happened in a brief, unintended moment.

JJ straightened up and moved his phone's flashlight aside, taking a deep breath. "My dad," he muttered. He hadn't planned on telling you. He hadn't even shared this with his friends. But then again, you'd also told him things no one else knew about you.

JJ trusted that you wouldn’t tell anyone. After all, who cares about someone else's daddy issues?

Your eyes turned back to JJ as he spoke. Feeling your gaze, he nervously ran a hand through his hair. He didn’t intend to tell you everything—just the basics. It was hard for him to explain.

You listened intently, and after his response, you thought he might stay silent for the rest of the night. You wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d stayed completely closed off. But barely a minute later, he began speaking again.

On a good day, you might have jokingly called him bipolar. But neither of you was having a good day.

"Long story short, he has a drinking problem. We don’t get along too well," JJ continued, struggling to articulate his thoughts. Besides his friends, he’d never opened up to anyone. His friends were his family, his only family.

JJ shifted slightly, watching as you leaned in a bit closer. You stood facing each other, and he avoided looking directly at you, worried that he might see pity or sympathy in your expression. If he saw even a trace of it, he thought he might just jump off the boat and into the river.

But when he looked up and met your gaze, he found none of that. You were simply looking at him with understanding. Your eyebrows weren’t raised, and there was no pity in your eyes—just empathy.

Nobody deserves to have terrible parents, no matter where they come from. It just wasn’t fair.

"Sometimes… things like this happen. But I'm used to it, Princess. No need to feel sorry for me. I’m still as handsome as ever." He extended his leg to nudge your own, a grin appearing on his face. It would’ve taken a fool not to see that his smile was a mask. He was trying to hide his pain behind a playful facade.

You decided not to call him out. Smiling in the same way, you pushed your legs away and gently nudged his back.

It felt like an unspoken promise had passed between you. You wouldn’t mention this to anyone. It seemed important to him. Even if he thought no one would care, you knew it mattered.

"Yeah," you teased, recognizing he was trying to change the subject. "I’m sure Pogue girls will be lining up for you either way." He threw his head back and laughed, his Adam’s apple prominent as he tilted his head off the side of the boat.

As you laughed with him, you felt, for maybe the first time today, a craving for something normal. It felt good to share a moment with someone who wouldn’t judge you. The same was true for JJ. You both exchanged secrets and now carried each other’s burdens. If one of you fell, so would the other.

But you couldn't help but wonder. Had his father caused the scars you saw when you first met, or had he really been in a fight? You weren’t bold enough to ask. Respecting the boundary he’d set, you didn’t make any comments.

"Actually, you’re funny," JJ remarked with a grin. Of course, you were funny—you just didn’t show it to people who didn’t matter. Why would you?

Rolling your eyes, you laughed, and JJ continued smiling. He’d always thought you were serious, not because he was always thinking about you, but because he’d never seen this side of you.

But now he knew better.

While JJ watched you, you didn’t look back. You hadn’t even noticed him observing you. With your arms crossed, you took deep breaths, savoring the fresh air, trying to unwind, and, in this moment, you finally relaxed.

Despite JJ’s presence, you felt detached from all the day’s stress. If you could, you would erase today from your mind entirely. But you couldn’t, and you felt deeply exhausted. As you thought of tomorrow, you couldn’t help but wonder. Soon, you’d leave JJ, the boat, and this river behind. Where would you go? You had nowhere to go except home, and you didn’t know if they’d continue being mad at you. A sigh escaped you, and you felt a nudge on your leg.

JJ was looking at you intently, with a slight grin as if he knew something you didn’t. "Stay in the moment," he said as if reading your mind. He tilted his head back, looking around and taking a deep breath. "We’re in a place no one can find us. Whatever it is you’re worried about—deal with it tomorrow. Let them wonder what you’re up to. Why should you be the one feeling bad?"

In a million years, you wouldn’t have thought you’d take advice from him. But what you couldn’t believe even more was that you actually wanted to follow it. He was right, and you wanted to hold onto his words.

He was right.

Let them think whatever they wanted. You were going to be fine. You’d figure things out. You just needed a little time—not much.

You and the baby.

The thought made you smile.

You nodded, glancing at JJ. Even an idiot could say something wise once in a while. Like a broken clock being right twice a day.

"I’ll stay in the moment," you said, agreeing with him. Your smile grew, and it was as if JJ had been waiting for this. He exhaled and clapped his hands. "Finally!" he shouted, startling you as he moved closer.

In that moment, a realization hit you: JJ Maybank made you feel better. He’d lifted the sorrow from your body, just with his words—the words you needed to hear.

Not Rafe, not your family. You didn’t want to remember their words. JJ’s words were enough.

JJ broke eye contact, still smiling, and picked up his phone. “Shit…” he muttered. You wanted to ask what was wrong, curious, so you leaned forward, realizing his phone battery was running low.

“Your phone—” JJ began but stopped, remembering you looked like a runaway with no phone on you. Of course, you’d left it at home. “Oh, great,” he mumbled to himself.

"Are you afraid of the dark?" he asked. You shook your head in response, even though, well… you might’ve been a bit scared. But you were on a boat with someone, so it didn’t really bother you.

JJ ruffled his hair and looked at you. "If we’re going to sit in the dark, I need a verbal answer. I can’t see you shaking your head.”

Just when you thought you’d found a way to get along with him, he managed to ruin it. He was driving you insane.

“Yes! Are you happy now?” JJ rolled his eyes and, adjusting his position, turned off the flashlight.

Your eyes tried to adjust to the darkness, but you could feel him sitting beside you, his shoulder almost brushing against yours. “More than happy,” he replied. You turned your head the other way, not wanting to look in his direction, even if you couldn’t see him. You sensed he was smiling from the tone of his voice. He enjoyed this—teasing you.

Even if he couldn’t see it, he knew he was getting under your skin, and it pleased him. Although he could’ve found other ways to connect with you, this playful sparring felt right to him. Besides, your reactions amused him.

"Pouting, are we?" JJ teased. He liked the quiet and the dark. Even if he couldn’t see you, he still felt your presence, your shoulder barely brushing against his.

“Not at all,” you replied, making JJ chuckle. He couldn’t help but enjoy every minute he spent with you. Your way of responding to him was entertaining, but deep down, he knew—you enjoyed this back-and-forth too.

You didn’t like the darkness. You weren’t scared, but you didn’t love it. JJ, right now, was your distraction. You’d been watching him or the boat to keep your mind off things, but since the flashlight had turned off, the heaviness inside you began creeping back. You couldn’t tell if your eyes were open or closed, and all you could think about was the day’s events.

Absentmindedly, your hand drifted to your stomach, as if feeling it might help you make the right choice. But the feeling you’d expected didn’t come. You felt nothing at all.

What am I gonna do?

Fears were starting to creep in. You didn't know if they'd be there for you if you went through with this, but you hoped you could overcome it. You were strong, ambitious, and capable of handling things on your own. If, of course, you wanted to. But did you even want it? Were you ready to bring a child into this world at twenty?

"Listen to yourself," JJ’s voice startled you. You turned to him, unsure of what he meant, and a small murmur slipped from his lips. Was he reading your mind?

"You asked what you’re going to do. Listen to yourself. Your body, your choice." JJ’s voice was close. You had turned to his side and didn’t expect to be this near. His breath was almost brushing your face.

"Rafe doesn’t want it," you said without thinking. Again. Yet you couldn't help but see JJ as a sort of mentor. He wasn’t on anyone’s side. He was an independent observer. "What would you do? If you were pregnant?"

At that, JJ’s laughter echoed through the woods. It was so loud that it made you jump a little, and you sensed him holding his stomach—not for the same reason, of course, but it looked like he was almost cringing. Not exactly an appropriate question, but—he needed to understand. Without meaning to, despite the difficult situation, you smiled. Laugh really was infectious.

"First off," he began, still chuckling, "Who the hell is Rafe to ask me to get an abortion? Second, fuck his opinions. He can shove it right back where it came from. And third—and this is the last point—as long as I want it, no one can make me do anything I don’t want to do." You didn’t usually like swearing, but coming from him, it was funny. You hadn't expected those answers, but then again, you’d thrown him a question out of the blue. It was fair.

"Besides, sorry, beauty, but I can’t get pregnant." You couldn’t help thinking how clueless some guys were sometimes. You’d meant what would he do if he were in your shoes. Of course, you knew he couldn’t get pregnant. You weren’t that dumb.

But JJ wasn’t dumb either. He just liked to mess with you.

No one could tell you what to do. You were the one carrying this baby. Abortion was your choice, and so was giving birth. You’d decide. Tonight, you’d know what you wanted. You might stumble at first, you might be afraid, but you’d make your choice.

It had been a long day. As the beginning of a headache began to make itself known, you leaned into the touch of JJ’s shoulder. Your lips parted, but only air came out instead of words.

You appreciated his words. Though you were two completely different people, from opposite sides, he’d supported you. He’d brought you back to yourself. Neither of you would call this helping, but it was. JJ had been there for you when no one else was.

So, without thinking, you said, "Thank you." And you meant it. You didn’t mutter it, nor did you look away. If there’d been light between you, you’d have looked right into his eyes.

JJ wasn’t expecting that. He didn’t even know what to say, but he took a deep breath. When you leaned into him, he leaned back. Now, your shoulders were fully touching. He didn’t know if he’d do this with the lights on, but the lights were off, and there was no need.

The unknown, dark path was terrifying. But it would pass. It would light up eventually—maybe with an object, maybe with a person, or perhaps even with a baby…

You couldn’t enjoy life by standing around, waiting in fear. You couldn’t let your paranoia stand in the way of living. This was your life, and you were the one in control. Your fears and anxieties were temporary; they’d go away, and in the end, you’d be left with yourself. This was your life. You had a life to live. Stay in the moment.

JJ took a deep breath. You both fell silent. There wasn’t much left to say. "Of course," he almost whispered, but you heard it completely in the stillness and quiet between you.

As your eyes slowly closed, you took deep breaths. The only scent you caught was salt and the sea.

You lay together until dawn, sprawled out in place. JJ would occasionally wake up and just lie there, only to fall back asleep, but you never stirred. It was as if you were lying on a queen’s bed.

When the sun’s rays started to creep into your eyes, JJ was the first to wake up. He moved to put the boat back in place. When he accidentally woke you, he muttered a small apology. You’d have woken up to any engine sound anyway, but he hadn’t meant to wake you. The two of you moved to the captain’s side as you tried to wake up and gather yourself. You didn’t chat much. JJ took you back to the old pier and helped you out of the boat.

After making sure there was nothing left behind, you took the water he offered without hesitation.

You muttered a few complaints about possibly getting bitten by bugs again, which JJ found amusing. A few cars passed by as you walked, and together you headed back to the beach where you’d been yesterday.

As you reached the entrance, JJ’s eyes wandered to the sea. You wondered if you should just leave him. You didn’t know what to do. To avoid making the situation more awkward, you looked away and gazed around. "Nice weather," he said, still looking around, but the ocean was his main focus.

"I have a change of clothes. Do you want to swim?" Your eyes shifted to the ocean he mentioned, your mouth opening and closing. If he wanted to see you go swimming in your underwear, he was in for a surprise. But you breathed a sigh of relief when you realized he meant clothes.

Fuck it.

"Let’s go." You left him behind as you walked toward the ocean. Without hesitation, you took off your shoes and socks as JJ, trailing behind, looked at you in awe. "Come on!" you shouted. A smile played on your lips. He smiled back, then quickly followed, dropping his bag near where your shoes were and tossing his shirt on the ground. He already had swim shorts on. You didn’t.

You took off your red shorts, tossed them with the other clothes, and walked toward the water. You couldn’t go in naked, but a T-shirt would work. JJ seemed just as eager.

The coldness of the water made you both shiver the moment you stepped in. It felt like something you had to do. "If you tell anyone about this, I’ll kill you," you said as you waded in deeper. JJ laughed, looking at you as you both continued shivering.

"We know a lot about each other. Isn’t that sweet…” Then he shrieked when you splashed water at him. Even though you were soaked, you hadn’t yet adjusted to the water. As you splashed him back, he scrunched up his face at the feel of water on his bare skin and tried to back away.

"No! No!" JJ yelled, but you didn’t stop. As you kept drenching him, he finally dipped himself underwater, unable to handle your relentless game. Smiling mischievously, you looked around to see where he’d resurface. He was nowhere to be seen.

Then he grabbed you by the legs and pulled you down, cutting off your scream as you went under.

That mother fucker.

He’d outplayed you.

As soon as you emerged, you pushed your hair back and looked around. JJ was already in front of you, catching his breath and fixing his hair, smiling. "Didn’t like that, did you?" he asked, moving toward you, still smiling, showing his dimples. Just as you raised your hands to splash him again, he caught your wrists and pulled you close.

"I didn’t like it either."

Then, he splashed you in the face and bolted away. You didn’t feel like yourself, and JJ didn’t seem like JJ. There were no names, no titles, no telling who was from where—you just had fun. You didn’t even notice, but you felt like you had nothing to worry about anymore. You lived in the moment.

You weren’t sure what had changed within you, but it felt like everything had shifted. You didn’t know how long you’d been in the water until a few people appeared in the distance, and as the area grew busier, you and JJ left the water. He gave you another shirt. You put on your own shorts and sweatshirt. He walked with you until you got to your path home and turned to you as you were about to part.

"Not very Kook-like, but I’m sure you didn’t hate it as much as you say." No, it wasn��t Kook-like. You were sure of that. And yes, you might have hated it just a little. But you didn’t tell him that. You smiled, feeling the chill on your face from your wet hair.

After a moment of silence, he took a deep breath and said, “Take care.”

He was right. What mattered was you—your choices, your life.

Nodding to acknowledge him, you started walking toward home while JJ headed off toward John B’s place. Would you have had as much fun alone? Probably not, but here you were, laughing and living a bit more freely thanks to someone you’d never expected.

As you walked through your front gate, you were startled by the people waiting outside the door: your dad, your mom, and the sheriff. There was a whole lineup of officers, as if you’d been kidnapped or something. When your eyes met your mother’s, you could see her tears and the redness from crying, which made your heart twist painfully. She rushed over and wrapped her arms around you, her hands softly rubbing your back.

You didn’t want to listen to anyone. Without saying a word to either your mom or dad, you headed straight to your room. There on your bed was your phone, and you saw that you had a few unread messages—from your mom and dad, of course. They must have stopped messaging once they realized you’d left your phone behind. Even Rafe had sent you a few texts, as well as a couple of your friends.

But you didn’t care about what Rafe had to say. It was more of the same—messages about “thinking of your best interests” and a whole lot of other nonsense. He could go straight to hell for all you cared. It was you against the world. Even if you were alone, you could handle this. You were strong, and you’d get through everything just fine. You didn’t need anyone’s support; just your own belief in yourself.

So, fuck him.

You

Keeping the baby.

seen.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Okay, I actually really like this. And I can say why.

"But Dana isn't it hypocritical to Like Lunar's 'villain arc' while disliking Nexus's?"

Not really. Because what Lunar is doing is consistent with his character. Which is, entirely selfish motivations as he has always had before, and I'll explain Lunar's motivations and why he makes a better compelling villain arc. And who knows, maybe Lunar will rush back and say he's sorry after one or two episodes when Nexus didn't.

But Nexus/N!Moon grieving over someone he loved, everyone assuming he's evil and them making a heel turn into 'irredeemable evil' I didn't like because it was contradictory to the past year we spent with N!Moon and unintentionally felt like it villainized grieving in an ugly way. And I've expressed the dislike of All of Nexus's worst fears coming true. He believes his family doesn't understand, they treat him like villain immediately. He thinks he's easily replaceable and not as talented as the Old Moon. Old Moon comes back, replaces him, is accepted immediately and was proven to be intellectually superior to N!Moon. He thinks he's broken that he's beyond repair and can't be fixed. Earth gave up on him really quickly despite being aware of his coping mechanisms (lashing out) (even before the "collateral damage" thing) Ruin lied and manipulated him and killed Solar. Nexus never wanted to be manipulated again.... D!Sun put the plans in place that he was the perfect pawn in an interdimensional sacrifice to get the outcome he wanted. Nexus wanted his family to join him and understand him. No one understood him and he died at the hands of his own brother.

Nexus died with all his worst fears and nightmares confirmed true. It's honestly tragic and horrible.

NOw.... Lunar. Getting into this little bean. Has a far more compelling reason to be corrupted by Negative star power. That is consistent with his character and just doesn't replace Lunar with... Lexus or something.

So Lunar was just told recently by Taurus and Gemini, that he has reached the precipice of his training and neither will train him anymore. With his mental block on his trauma and Eclipse and just apathetic to everything, he can't tap into his emotions or power. Understandably, Lunar is frustrated by this and feels no one is listening to him and feels his partner is being demeaning (they're not. And it's not about him. But Lunar is to selfish to get that.)

People often don't understand that Gemini does not try to be intentionally demeaning to Lunar. They do not have human emotions like we do, or even the animatronics do. They operate at a different level beyond our human comprehension, So I don't place Astrals into mortality boxes. And Lunar, is still a very childish and selfish character, and seems to not understand their partner. Even if they do like them a whole lot. They just don't understand them at a fundamental level. It's hard to have an emotional connection to someone who doesn't have human emotions, (or who is just starting to feel emotions in small doses but that's just a theory) and Lunar does not have the patience or emotional maturity to deal with someone who operates like that.

So Rez puts it out there for Lunar to get stronger then they are willing to train him and SO OF COURSE Lunar would jump at that because he feels infantilized and has felt that way by his partner for a long time. Keep it in mind, Gemini does not do this intentionally, and makes this clear to Lunar MANY TIMES over the entire course of the year they have been interacting.

Not to mention, Sun killing Nexus disturbed something across dimensions. It's as I said when Nexus first turned to the dark side. It's like all Moon's destiny is to inherently be doomed by ambition. Lunar included in that. Lunar following in Nexus's footsteps. Because those who don't know their history are doomed to repeat it. And Lunar is the prime example. And this is horrible. Maybe it's hypocritical of me to like Lunar's heel turn into a Sasuke arc. But this is on a path of destiny that needs to break. And that's why I think I find it a bit more compelling from a character motivation and writing stand point. So. Yes. Lunar abandoning his family when they need him. Horray!!!

I think I just like it because it is consistent with all of Lunar's characterization up to this point. And because he did not care or know what was going on with Nexus, he will get corrupted by the NSP too. Who knows, maybe Lunar will gain a new found sympathy for Nexus knowing how Dark Star Power fucks with your head and insecurities.

[siryouarebeingmocked]

Stop spreading misinformation.

Says someone about to do precisely that about men.

If women in general were around as many bears as they are with men, the attack rate from bears would be much higher.

Also, a strange man is actually unlikely to attack a woman, despite sexist stereotypes. Most attackers of any kind already know the victim.

Which brings the number down to, what, a few dozen men in over a hundred million?

Pretty good odds, I think.

“All bears will kill you” you’re perpetrating animal cruelty ideology that animals are monsters, and humans are above animals. Holy hell. Why are you so selfish? I’ve encountered bears while camping and hiking and if you don’t provoke them you will most likely be safe. My Dad saw one that was close enough he could touch him if he raised his hand. Nothing bad happened to him. You know this is the garbage thinking that caused ppl to hunt innocent sharks bc of the Jaws movie.

I love how you threw your toys out of the pram with all this meaningless blather and anecdata…

…and you hope we won't notice that you carefully removed the end of the sentence.

Or maybe you somehow thought it was irrelevant. Doesn't really matter.

murderer statistic used to justify womens' irrational sexist fears

Drink a molecule.

HAFW >Why's it up to women to brush aside and pretend not to be afraid of what is a more than non-zero chance of rape and murder?

The chance of murder or assault victimization is much higher for men, but y'all act like (and sometimes explicitly say) only women "have to" be concerned about being attacked by men.

Also, I love the implication that every single woman shares your fears. Which is, um, sexist.

Why's it that whenever men can't find dates there are ten million articles deeply pondering but when women say they'd prefer the bear- (We KNOW it's deadly) because unlike human men it won't act out of cruelty and malice, it's suddenly women's responsibility to police their frustration with men?

Most people don't like being told that they're considered more dangerous than a notoriously dangerous wild animal.

Also, plenty of women disagreed with Team Bear.

Also, you're assuming the choice was based on actual valid frustrations, and not a single member of Team Bear is a paranoid idiot.

You yourself seem to care more about the assailant's motives than the actual harm it will do to you, which is, uh, kind of proving the idea that you people are deluded.

Also, I love how you think discussing an extremely common human issue - one commonly found in ladies mags too - is on the same moral level as being vocally afraid of half the human race, especially compared to a bear.

More evidence for the delusion theory.

Logically speaking, you should be happy that men are reacting this way. This means many of them will have less contact with women.

Which should make women safer, right?

That's what you want, right?

Or is it really about having moral authority?

If it was a known fact that clowns made up 90% of all sexual-based offenses, avoiding them wouldn't be "irrational"

It would be if there were only 10 sex offenses a year. But something tells me you didn't look up any actual stats.

Also, most sex crimes are done by repeat offenders, IIRC.

khorne> You'll push forward your ideas like they keep you safe but they haven't and don't.

Khorne, you're assuming these people have enough self-awareness to even recognize that their ideas don't work.

People on Team Bear.

A tad optimistic.

Why women choose the bear: https://www.whoismakingnews.com/

Don't care. Still irrational. Most men won't hurt you if you get too close. All bears will hurt you if you get too close.

They are territorial, wild animals.

Also, quite a lot of women are not team bear. XD Quite a lot of women understand how sexist and stupid that choice is.

[koscheys-skull]

Deities, Figures, And Spirits of Rebellion, Revolutions, and Resistance.

While Tensions are High and emotions flood the body and mind, I like to think back to time and how history has birthed incredible and magnificent people throughout its unforgiving march forwards. And I think of those figures and people or those gods and stories, and I remind myself of their presence and how they shook the time and the eras that they occupied. I’m in love with them. And I admire them. Whether they are trickster Spirits that stand against Authority and embrace strength against adversity or fighting against authority and resisting the status quo, I often admire and think of them. I think of them fondly and I nod to them through Space and Time, and by thinking of them, I carry them in my heart. And I am motivated by their Light and the Inspiration that they have brought across the ages. I know that they are *there*. Eons apart from me or in spaces and spirit that I cannot grasp anywhere but within my very spirit. They are there. And I am holding them in my spirit and heart and they are holding me. And I move with their spirit and their awareness. And I nod to them. And they, to me. I wanted to provide a large list of Figures, Saints, Gods or other individuals and Beings commonly venerated, worked with or worshiped as icons of resistance and overcoming trying times. History is steeped in trials and circumstances where the oppressed and hunted have overcome great adversity or stood against the tides that seek to bring harm unto them. Here, I will list figures that you can draw upon or look to in your hours of need. If you seek a Revolutionary, you may find one Here. (feel welcome to add some as this crosses your path!)

Some Saints:

St. Michael the Archangel – Known as the chief warrior angel, St. Michael is often invoked for protection and strength in battles and against evil.

St. Joan of Arc – The French saint who led her country in battles against English forces during the Hundred Years' War. She’s celebrated for her courage and conviction against overwhelming odds.

St. Jude Thaddeus – Known as the patron saint of lost causes, people turn to him in desperate situations for help in overcoming challenges that seem impossible.

St. Sebastian – Often depicted as a martyr who survived multiple executions, he became a symbol of strength, resilience, and steadfastness in the face of persecution.

St. George – Known for slaying a dragon, St. George is a symbol of overcoming evil and oppression. Often associated with courage in adversity.

Deities:

Sekhmet (Egyptian Mythology) – The lion-headed goddess of war and healing, Sekhmet is revered for her fierce power and for defending the oppressed.

Morrigan (Celtic Mythology) – The Celtic goddess of battle and sovereignty, Morrigan embodies both the power to protect and to incite change. She is often seen as a guardian of the land, appearing before battles to inspire or instill fear in the enemy.

Kali (Hinduism) – Goddess of destruction and rebirth, Kali represents the destruction of evil and is often invoked for overcoming difficult circumstances and for protection against oppressive forces.

Oya (Yoruba/Orisha Tradition) – Goddess of winds, storms, and transformation, Oya is a fierce warrior who stands up against oppression and is often turned to for protection and resilience. Ogun (Yoruba/Orisha Tradition) – The god of iron, war, and labor, Ogun is a force for justice and is often invoked in situations requiring resilience and the strength to overcome oppression. He’s seen as a revolutionary spirit for those seeking to break free from their constraints. Eshu (Yoruba/Orisha Tradition) – Known as the divine messenger and trickster, Eshu brings both disruption and opportunity. As a god of crossroads, he’s associated with challenging authority and initiating change, reminding followers that revolution often begins with unexpected choices. Yemaya (Yoruba/Orisha Tradition) – The mother of all life and goddess of the sea, Yemaya is often associated with resilience, protection, and the healing of generational trauma. As a nurturing and revolutionary spirit, she is frequently invoked for personal and collective strength. Queen Nanny of the Maroons (Jamaican Folklore) – A legendary figure and spirit in Afro-Caribbean culture, Queen Nanny was a leader of the Maroons who resisted British colonial forces. She’s honored as a warrior and symbol of independence and strength.

Huitzilopochtli (Aztec Mythology) – The god of war and the sun, Huitzilopochtli led the Aztecs through harsh conditions to establish their empire. He symbolizes endurance, perseverance, and overcoming obstacles.

Inanna/Ishtar (Mesopotamian Mythology) – Goddess of love, war, and justice, she descends into the underworld and returns, representing survival through dark times and resistance against forces of oppression.

Manjushri (मञ्जुश्री) (Buddhist Bodhisattva) - Manjushri is venerated across the Buddhist world as an embodiment of wisdom, with devotees seeking his guidance to develop the courage and insight necessary to face personal and societal challenges. Manjushri holds a flaming sword that symbolizes the cutting of ignorance and illusion, a powerful symbol of spiritual revolution and awakening. He represents the transformative power of wisdom and the courage to overcome ignorance, delusion, and societal conventions, which align with themes of inner revolution.

Susanoo (建速須佐之男命) (Japanese Shinto) – The god of storms and the sea, Susanoo is known for his rebellious nature against the heavenly order, and he’s often venerated for his unyielding spirit. He’s remembered for protecting people by slaying a great serpent, representing courage and the ability to challenge authority.

Amaterasu (天照大御神 / 天照大神) (Japanese Shinto) – Though primarily known as the goddess of the sun and order, Amaterasu withdrew from the world when her brother acted destructively, only returning when lured back by others. Her story reflects the themes of resilience and the power to restore light and hope.

Guan Yu (关羽) (Chinese) – A legendary general deified as a god of war and protection, Guan Yu is known for his loyalty, bravery, and sense of justice. He’s widely worshipped as a guardian figure who defends the oppressed and inspires people to uphold righteousness and loyalty.

Nezha (哪吒) (Chinese) – A child warrior deity known for his rebellious spirit, Nezha is celebrated for resisting oppression, particularly against tyrannical figures in the heavens. He represents youth, resilience, and defiance against unjust authority, often empowering those who feel marginalized or oppressed.

Xiwangmu (西王母) (Chinese) – Also known as the Queen Mother of the West, Xiwangmu is a powerful goddess associated with healing, protection, and transformation. While not a revolutionary in the typical sense, she embodies resilience, independence, and the power of women in a traditionally male-dominated pantheon.

Zhong Kui (钟馗) (Chinese) – Known as the demon slayer, Zhong Kui is a spirit of justice who fights against evil spirits and brings protection to those who feel haunted by oppression. He is venerated as a deity who can help people overcome fears and defeat obstacles that seem insurmountable.

The Eight Immortals (八仙) (Chinese) – A group of legendary Taoist figures, each with unique powers, who often challenged the social order. Figures like Lü Dongbin and Zhang Guolao used their abilities to help people and protect them from corrupt rulers and evil forces, embodying the spirit of defiance against oppressive systems.

Sun Wukong (孙悟空) (Chinese) - The central figure in the 16th century novel “Journey to the West (西游记) but also a figure in Mythology, Sun Wukong stands against authority and inspires both resistance and strength as well as dynamic growth. 

Demons:

Lord Lucifer - The Adversary and Illuminator. Lucifer is a longstanding figure of bearing the light in the darkness and fighting against overwhelming oppression and control of powers that deem themselves tyrants. Lucifer fights and battles against forces that subjugate the oppressed. 

Lord Asmodeus – Known in demonology as a figure representing strength, ambition, and power, Asmodeus is sometimes invoked for resilience, drive, and confidence to overcome personal and external challenges.

King Belial – Often associated with independence and personal power, Belial is sometimes venerated for helping people stand strong in their own beliefs and against unjust authorities.

Mother Lilith – A figure of independence and resistance, Lilith is revered in some traditions as a symbol of feminine power and autonomy, especially in standing against oppression and patriarchal structures.

Lord Buer – Demon of healing and knowledge, called upon for mental strength and overcoming illness or hardship through wisdom and resilience. Promotes mental health and healing as well as encourages growth through overcoming your mental blockages.

Lord Leviathan - The Lord of Shadow Working. Lord Leviathan helps you navigate the deep and dark waters of your mind where you may feel overwhelmed and drowning. Lord Leviathan can bring you clear waters and help support you when the tides feel like they may pull you down. 

Secular Saints & Venerated Figures, Other Folkloric figures and Revolutionaries:

Harriet Tubman – Though not formally canonized, Harriet Tubman is often seen as a symbol of liberation and resilience, escaping slavery and leading others to freedom.

Malcolm X – An icon of strength, self-determination, and resistance, especially in the context of racial oppression. His life inspires resilience and the fight for justice.

Hypatia of Alexandria – Known for her wisdom and intellectual resilience, Hypatia became a symbol of strength and survival in a time when powerful figures often sought to silence knowledge.

Nelson Mandela – Revered globally for his resilience and role in overcoming apartheid, Mandela is a secular saint for many, representing strength and the spirit of resistance.

Frida Kahlo – Known for her resilience through physical and emotional pain, Kahlo’s life and work are often venerated as symbols of strength, personal power, and survival against all odds. Cuauhtémoc (Aztec/Mexica Tradition) – The last Aztec emperor who resisted the Spanish conquistadors. He is remembered as a hero who fought courageously to protect his people, embodying resilience and the spirit of resistance in Mexican culture.

Emiliano Zapata (Mexican Folk Hero) – Though not a deity, Zapata’s revolutionary spirit against oppressive forces has made him almost a legendary figure in Mexican folklore. He’s revered as a folk saint and a symbol of the fight for social justice and indigenous rights.

Hua Mulan (Chinese Folklore) – Celebrated for her bravery and willingness to challenge gender norms, Mulan fought in her father’s place in the army. Her story is a symbol of courage, resilience, and overcoming social constraints.

Kumari (Nepalese Tradition) – Known as the living goddess of Nepal, the Kumari is believed to embody divine power and protection for the people. She serves as a symbol of resilience and cultural endurance in the face of modernization and outside influence.

Zumbi dos Palmares (Afro-Brazilian Tradition) – A leader of a community of escaped slaves (Quilombo dos Palmares) in Brazil, Zumbi is honored as a hero and symbol of freedom, resistance, and African heritage in Brazil.

Yue Fei (岳飞) – A historical general from the Song Dynasty who became a symbol of loyalty, patriotism, and resistance against foreign invaders. Despite betrayal and wrongful execution, Yue Fei is venerated as a hero who embodies loyalty to one’s people and the fight against oppression.

Li Shimin (Emperor Taizong of Tang, 唐太宗 李世民) – Known for his role in overthrowing the corrupt Sui Dynasty, Li Shimin played a crucial role in establishing the Tang Dynasty. He is respected as a revolutionary leader who brought stability and cultural prosperity to China.

Chen Sheng and Wu Guang (陈胜, 吴广) – These two commoners led one of the first rebellions against the Qin Dynasty’s harsh rule, sparking what would eventually become a larger revolt. They are remembered as symbols of the common people’s resistance against an oppressive regime.

The White Lotus Goddess (白莲教) – Associated with the White Lotus Society, this goddess represents spiritual resistance against corruption and oppression. The White Lotus sect played a significant role in several uprisings throughout Chinese history, including revolts against the Mongol Yuan Dynasty.

Chi You (蚩尤) – A figure from ancient mythology, Chi You was a tribal leader who fought against the Yellow Emperor. He is often depicted as a warlike figure who stood against established order. Though he was ultimately defeated, he became a symbol of rebellion and bravery in later cultural narratives.

Lü Zu (吕祖) – One of the Eight Immortals, Lü Dongbin (or Lü Zu) was known for challenging both heaven and earth, and he often sided with the poor and downtrodden. He encouraged people to resist worldly corruption, especially among the rich and powerful, inspiring resilience and self-cultivation.

Madame Zheng Yi Sao (郑一嫂) – Often called the Pirate Queen, she was one of the most powerful pirate leaders in history and led a massive fleet that defied the Chinese imperial government. Madame Zheng embodies resistance against oppressive authorities and is celebrated for her intelligence and revolutionary spirit.

[moony-noo]

𝐖𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 (𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞) (angst?)

They say 'perfection doesn't exist', yet in your eyes, you felt like you had met the embodiement of the word "perfect".

Kazuha was a gentleman. He was good with kids, good with elders, good with everyone. He had a way with words, no matter if you were sad, anxious, angry or happy, enthusiastic, even cheerful after a successful achievement, he just knew the right things to say. And it made you absolutely sick— love-sick.

You quickly caught on your changing behavior the past few years. When he wasn't there, you'd think about him. Anything would remind you of Kazuha. Whether it was the color red, like his mesmerizing eyes, or the maple leaves pattern, like the ones on his clothes he so elegantly wore... He was everywhere, running endlessly in your mind. You could try all you wanted to convince yourself this was just because the two of you were spending a lot of time together since you were kids... But the simple fact that whenever you were only chatting with someone, and you'd always find a way to bring back his name in the conversation, was enough to prove you wrong. Your mouth was wording "Kazuha" like an enchantment that only you could not erase.

And it truly felt magical, when you came to realize the crush you had developed on your long-dated best-friend. Every touch, laughter, conversations, were embellished once your mind made you understand your true feelings. You were charmed by every aspect of him. Often staring at him, heart in your eyes, like he was a true beauty who had ascended from Heavens, in order to bring light in this so basic-life of yours.

But once your love had reached its peak, fear and anxiety didn't take long to set in...

Was it the same for him?

You started to wonder, did he see you the same way that you do?

Was he, too, feeling the butterflies down in his stomach when he'd see your silhouette in the alleys of Inazuma City?

Were you his everything like he was for you?

Every conversations was slowly becoming a source of research. You had started to analyze all his behaviours, gestures, words, trying to caught on anything that would at last give you a glimmer of hope that something could happen between you two. But it didn't. It never did.

Because Kazuha was good to everyone.

You were no exception, nor you had a slight of special treatment. A painful reality that you had only come to understand a few weeks ago, when he was about to leave for another journey of his. As usual, you'd embrace goodbyes, knowing that you'd write to each other most likely everyday... But you knew you'd only meet again Archons knew when, because he'd always do that. Not in a bad way of course, Kazuha was a wanderer. He couldn't stay in one place, while you, on the other side, grew too attached to your homeland, despite its past, to even think of leaving for more than two weeks.

So lately, you had been only receiving letters after letters, seeing him only when he'd come visit Inazuma— which was not very often. It was hard to admit, but truth was; he was slowly becoming an 'old-friend' of yours, and you hated it. This made you understand that... he didn't miss you the way that lovers do.

You already had feel the pain of toxic relationships, break-ups, rejections, but never unrequited love. Or at least, not as harmful as right now. And you'd say, this was another level of hurt. Having to say goodbye to something possibly beautiful before you could even taste it, was not as easy as people would think. This happiness you longed for with him, would only exist in your head, daydreaming. You loved him, but hated the counterparties this affection brought to you.

You already had thought of confessing to him at some point, despite being fully aware of the upcoming rejection. This sudden source of courage would emerge during relaxing moments, you two sitting under a tree, where peace would soothe your mind so well that anything that passed through it would just feel right to say out loud. But you never did. In your case, you felt like you coudn't stay friends with him, because the pain it brought to your heart was almost unbearable. But you knew he valued your friendship way too much to even think of putting an end on it, despite distancing from each other over the years. Pushing him away from you might hurt as much as loving him way more than you should have, but life always came to point that everything would change, and somehow, it was hard to accept it.

Maybe fate would bring you back to each other, and perhaps, some things might change again, but for now, 'old-friend', was the only suitable relationship for the both of you. Kazuha would travel everywhere, whenever he wanted, while sending letters to you here and there. While you, the heart aching at this long-dated friendship now fading away, would keep pursuing your goals, building a new life, writing back to him and thinking "maybe in another life".

Woohoo, my first post, and it's kinda depressing lmao. But I loved writing it to be honest. I know a lot of people (inculding me) often had to face (like 90% of the time on my part lmao) unrequited love, and I kinda wanted to show how it can feel like. Anyway, hope you've enjoyed, stay tuned for more ♥

[sakurasnowfall]

@starlightshadowsworld posted :

Atsushi gets de-aged, immediately kicks the nearest person in the shins and runs off to hide ontop of the nearest cabinet. He makes himself as small as possible, hugging his knees close.

But before he did, he grabbed a nearby glass cup. Atsushi breaks it cleanly into pieces, not even flinching as he picks up a large glass shard.

Atsushi’s terrified, doesn’t know where he is or who these people are. But immediately goes on the offensive. Because before the Agency no one has ever shown Atsushi kindness and meant it.

His hands tremble but his grip on the shard is tight. He’ll surely be punished anyway, for his little stunt and simply for existing.

But Atsushi won’t go down without a fight. He wont make it easy for them even if he’s scared. They’ll have to drag him kicking and screaming.

He doesn’t notice that everyone in the room looks surprised and concerned, before horrifying realisation hits them all.

They tell him they won’t hurt him but Atsushi’s heard that before. He won’t fall for that, not again.

Now, continued by me :

Their words serve only as a repellent as he backs even further into the away, a cornered animal, clutching his piece of glass. He is hardly aware of the blood dripping down his hand as it cuts into him. After all, what was the sting of a little cut compared to what these people might do to him?

One girl - wearing a red kimono - steps closer, garnering a hiss from him.

Atsushi eyes the girl, brandishing his glass as soon as he sees her reach for the thing around her neck . A phone? Odd choice, but sometimes the oddest choices hurt the most. His bravery washes away with the new tears he curses for falling, and he huddles up smaller, shaking as the girl approaches.

*Atushi* She says his name? How does she know his name?

*You helped me once. You don’t know me right now, but you did.......* Her voice sounds nice. Soft. Calming. But he would not fall for it. Not again. Not again....when they had tricked him so so many times. He was no longer one to believe in fairy tales such as a tender touch...or family...or love. He throws his glass, hard and fast, right at her face, almost before he could think.

And she CAUGHT it? What would she do now? That one mistake might have cost him his life. He curled up even smaller, heart pounding, desperately trying to prevent the new tears from falling. After a moment of nothing, he cracked open an eye, and dared a precarious peek downwards. The girl looks at the sharp for a brief moment, before bending down to set it gently on the floor, and kicking it away. The boy’s eyes widen. What was she doing? Oh...oh, she was going to use only her hands. Or perhaps she had a blade. He turned out to be right when she reached behind her and extracted a long knife in a sheath. So he was right. A blade. He flinched, but that to, this strange girl places on the floor and kicks away. She locks eyes with him. Bluebell eyes clashing with his own violet-green ones. The hiss he had at the ready froze when he saw her eyes, for they were a glassy, tear-soaked mirror of his own. Very slowly, he untightens the tight ball he has been holding himself in. He creeps forward to the edge of the cabinet top, peering over. The girl is still standing there. Slowly, as if afraid to disturb the air itself, she raises her hand, palm outstretched to him. He hesitates. She lowers it, backing up a couple steps.

*It’s okay.*  Her voice sounds so kind. And again, he smells a strange scent and feels the strange feeling that she too is afraid. Maybe, after so long of being the one who was scared, seeing fear in someone else was enough to take the leap, as he leaps off the top of the cabinet, and down to the floor, standing to look up at her with crious eyes. She kneels down to his level. She kneels DOWN to HIM. Imagine that! So he comes closer, and this time, when she reaches out her hand, he takes it. He is not sure why he begins to cry, but here is now, holding on to this mysterious, kind, afraid girl. He tinks he has heard this kind of contact described as a *hug.* He feels another hand on his shoulder, looking up to see an arm covered in white bandage, and a gentle smile on the face of a brunette.

-----------------------

Atsushi hugs his family. Kunnikida, Ranpo, Kenji, Fukuzawa, Naiomi, Junichiro. He bends down to better match Kyoka’s height before hugging her again as well.

*Thank you, Kyoka-Chan.*

[chiyana]

This is one of those fandom tropes that I admittedly had to weed out before it dug in too deep, mostly the unquestioning nature of it as "something Batman has said and believes" because it really doesn't hold up to scrutiny and gets abruptly horrifying the second you scratch the surface, BUT. I think there are some interesting ways to unpack it as a concept. Even then though I wouldn't start from "this is something Batman said at any point or believes", I'd start from "this is a misconception in-universe".

Like no one who knows Batman in any capacity thinks he believes this to any degree. He works with the Justice League, he's friends with Superman and plenty of other metas, he has no problem with them being in his city. He has a problem with other superheroes patrolling in Gotham because he has massive control issues and is possessive of his city, but I think most heroes established in specific cities would have similar hang-ups (to a significantly less dramatic degree, but still). I also don't think it would have anything to do with powers, like he would have exactly as bad a reaction to Green Arrow doing it as he would Green Lantern.

I do think though that Batman could have some actual concerns about metas in Gotham, not in a "I don't want them in my city" way but more of a "how do I make contingencies and keep as many people safe as possible in the worst case scenario" - 1 because making contingencies and trying to keep a step ahead of everyone is sort of Batman's thing, and 2 because Gotham does have a problem with a whole spectrum of toxins gasses pollens mind-control and mind-altering substances, which can activate meta genes, and it's probably not great to have someone learn they can set their skin on fire for the first time while high on fear gas. I don't think he would go with "drive all metas out of Gotham" because that just... doesn't make sense for him as a character, but having methods of testing for and inhibiting or countering meta abilities? Yeah, that kind of hyper-awareness for Batman makes sense.

I also think it makes sense to have it as a problem with public opinion, specifically of people living in Gotham. Gotham has a lot of systemic issues, and the 'well-known' metas are mostly Rogues. You could easily have it that there's a prevailing belief in Gotham that metas are inherently dangerous or Rogues in the making. Bruce Wayne can publicly push back against that and push for resources to help metas, both to protect them and help them learn to control and handle their powers, but Batman isn't really a public figure like other heroes. The people he saves and works with can give all the testimony they want about how he still protects metas and helps them, but he's not like... available for interview and he doesn't like being recorded, so it'd be easy for people to ascribe what they want to him - even if there's no data to back it up. Since he's Gotham's hero, if Gotham's people have a problem with metas, clearly Batman does too, right?

There's ways to unpack it as a concept and explore the idea, but honestly I wouldn't apply it across the board as a given, and it doesn't make any sense to apply it to Batman as a character trait - not unless you're prepared to make Batman an out and out fascist and no, please no, we've been down that road before and I'd rather we didn't.

i know ive said it before but i still cannot wrap my mind around how popular and unquestioned the fanon of "batman has a rule banning metas from gotham city" is. even if he tried to say that who the fuck would listen to him 💀 like can you imagine dick being like "sorry kory you can't come over, bruce is just racist like that haha" NO!!!! dick would sooner beat bruce's ass and he'd be right!!!!

[freedelusionshere]

Carmy and Syd are in deep for each other. People don’t go through stuff like that without some kind of dedication.

There is something to what Jess tells Richie in S3 about being surrounded with people better than herself, and she’s not talking about work. Syd and Carmy and them pushing each other is an example of that.

The strife that happens at The Bear is entirely about relationships. It sits on top of an already stressful work environment. Richie loves Carmy even though they’re not really speaking. Syd resents Carmy’s choices but is still going along with them as it comes to a head. It’s the past habits butting up against embracing change and growth.

Carmy loves Syd and his biggest fear is her leaving him. Syd has feelings for Carmy or she wouldn’t be having panic attacks about leaving.

A lot of what the show reveals is that you can’t just rely on another person to make things work for you; you have to be self-aware and willing to work on yourself or risk losing.

All three seasons have taken place in a relatively short period of time. Carmy is better at wanting this for other people like Richie, Marcus, and Tina, than himself, just like Syd is with seeing it for Tina, Marcus, and Nat.

Carmy still hasn’t dealt with his mom or Mikey’s death fully. Syd’s instincts are to run when things don’t go her way and she’s impulsive and you can feel that tension in her.

But these two spend the majority of their time with each other and have highs and lows in their work relationship the same people do as partners. Righting power imbalances, managing stress, shutting down emotionally, bad communication, are all real challenges you go through to make things work as people grow and change.

Ducking out and hiding from those things, or being passive-aggressive, or running from them are obstacles to change and growth. It seems like Carmy has had some breakthroughs and we should be seeing results of that in S4. Syd has stuff we haven’t seen her work through that needs to be addressed, but maybe Carmy changing will inspire her? As a mirror to all the ways she has inspired and supported him to this point?

[gothamite-rambler]

"You seemed like you needed a hug." Cass said, softly.

Context: A note from the Joker is handed to Jason, he's broken out and wants to make sure Jason stays dead. Jason went ballistic trying and failing to find him and finish the job, but thanks to Dick he was able to be brought back to reality. The family is keeping watch of Joker and preparing to deal with him. Cass agreed to patrol with Jason, but currently they're at her apartment.

Jason stared out the window of Cass's apartment, squeezing his arm tightly. Cass pouted, sitting on the couch with tea on the coffee table for her and Jason.

Cass: Jason?

Jason (facing away from Cass): I'm fine. Everything is fine... I'm fine.

Cass stood up and stepped in front of Jason, unexpectedly wrapping her arms around him in a hug. He was taken aback by the sudden kind gesture.

Jason (tremors in his voice): I-

Cass (softly): I don't have to tell you what your body language showed me, you're stressed and worried about the Joker. I read the note he sent you and... the fear of your abuser returning is something I've battled with myself. I won't tell you to stop worrying, but to remind yourself you are not alone.

Jason remained silent, his arms staying by his side.

Cass (reassuringly): You're not going to hurt us... We will protect you and be by your side when you're ready to fight him. Right now, I thought you needed a hug. If that's okay with you, some people don't like hugs-

Jason, sniffled, tightening his arms around Cass's body.

Jason: It's cool. I don't remember the last time I got a hug and enjoyed it, but this is a good one. Not sure I deserve it.

Cass (smiling): You have a good heart, why wouldn't you deserve love from your family? You've been through... hell and back. You've come this far and all of us will make sure it stays that way. I will... I love you Jason.

Jason (soft voice): I... love you too.

The hug tightened as Jason buried his face in her shoulder, surrendering to the warmth and safety of their embrace. For a moment, the weight of his past seemed to lift, replaced by a flicker of hope. Cass held him firmly, a beacon of support, as they shared that quiet, powerful bond—one that reminded them both that even in the darkest of times, love could be a healing force.

Jason (cont'd): Thanks. I needed this. Not the reassurance I have a good heart and won't go insane again, I'm aware I'm awesome, but you know a hug helps.

Cass (playing along): Mm-hm.

Jason (hesitantly): Um, you're not hugging me as a distraction then you knock me unconscious?

Cass (confused): No... Who has done that?

Jason: It's a long story, one more minute for the hug?

Cass patted her little brother's back with a smile.

Cass: I got ya.

[hollowsart]

@chromacryptid

HONESTLY Yeah. That and like.. the flanderization….

Otto is a meek character who stutters and shows signs of struggling to stand up for himself. He bottles up his thoughts and sometimes it gets the better of him. He's paranoid and has so much at stake and feels he literally cannot escape.

Doc Ock is the release of Otto's frustrations and also his succumbing to his paranoia. He's bottled himself up enough to lash out and demand "respect" in the form of fear cuz that's all he's ever been shown from all we could tell.

People take these two sides and have kinda turned him into a parody of his character. This is a phenomenon that happens so often within fandom spaces. it's one thing if you're doing it as an obvious joke and you're more than aware of the deeper elements to the character and how they truly act.

it's another when you're doing it seriously.

Also, I don't think a whole lot of these people really understand what it's like to be a shy/timid/meek person, especially as an adult and how it's not something that can be easily overcome. There's a whole other world inside our minds that we battle with. our experiences are completely different from how media will often depict it. I know from my own experiences and my own personal struggle to find any characters who I really truly relate to without them being subjected to the one trope I hate the most "shy character learns to be bold and brash and confident and is no longer even the same character by the end"

Anxiety and paranoia and especially social anxiety.. they create one heck of a cocktail combination. a real nasty one.

allow me to go on a slight tangent here:

The way in which Otto acts as Doc Ock after the incident really shows how he still has elements of his old self in there.

He doesn't truly know what he's doing. He's acting how he thinks a strong person acts.... he's acting kinda how he thinks Norman does, if you really think about it. After all,

Otto thinks a LOT about his actions and what he's going to do next and what is probably a good plan. He tries not to just jump right into things, shutting down some of the others in the Sinister Six when they mention stuff that can be awfully rash. but even Otto has resorted to that himself. "Sorry Rhino, but we are doing this my way" and his outbursts when he is being belittled and rendered helpless by Spider-Man.

He holds his actuators in high regard and it feels like all an act in a sense when he's in prison and breaking out with the others trying to maintain his facade of confidence and superiority over the other members of their group. That is, until he gets his actuators back. without them he feels he's back to being weak and he has had enough of that, he doesn't want that. he's gotten a taste of the freedom and he wants to chase it.

He was so good at pretending to be back to his old self during that therapy session and when he plotted his own kidnapping, the fear and behavior.. it was all so natural for him.

but you could still tell with a couple lines when Electro was talking to him that he was acting, the lines he said sounded off. scripted almost.

[marantis]

I'm feeling brave, or maybe I just wanna test out the waters and see whether or not what I have in mind actually works for people. So you get a WIP. This is my first try at a scene for the Scum Villain and Epic: The Musical mash up that me and @ineffectualdemon have cooked up together the other day. Would really like some feedback, but keep in mind that this is just a very quick little thing that barely got any editing. I'm testing the waters so to speak.

Luo Binghe stared at the man in front of him. Of all the things that could potentially have been thrown into his way at this point in time. He had not expected it to be Cang Qiong Mountains mild mannered sect leader appearing in front of him.

He wasn't as tall as Luo Binghe remembered him being, but then it had been years since he'd last seen him. Though the fact that they were of a height did little to take away from the oppressive aura emanating from the sect leader.

Mild mannered, polite and friendly seemed words entirely foreign to the cultivator blocking his path.

“In all my years of living it isn't very often that I get pissed off. I try to stay collected, but damn, you crossed the line.” Yue Qingyuan's voice thrummed with a low growl, making the hairs at the back of Luo Binghe's neck stand to an end. It took all his strength of will not to take a step back.

Just what had brought Yue Qingyuan to the point that he was seething like this, his eyes steely and cold? Luo Binghe's gaze flickered to the dead body of the ancient silver tongued lark. He had been aware that killing it would aggravate the cultivators as it was seen as an auspicious omen to be seen in these parts. Luo Binghe had not enjoyed bringing it down but Shang-shishu had insisted that its silver tongue was essential for their plans.

His continued silence only seemed to aggravate Yue Qingyuan more, he bared his teeth, his grip around the hilt of Xuan Su tightened. “I will make you bleed, I will put you down.”

Without further warning Xuan Su slid from its sheath, overbearing power barrelled into Luo Binghe, forcing him to take that step back after all. As he raised Zheng Yang he could feel it trembling from the strain of holding off Yue Qingyuan's qi, the tremor travelling all the way down his arm.

Luo Binghe grit his teeth, pushing back against the spiritual energy with his own. Then Yue Qingyuan swung Xuan Su.

The force doubled, tripled in intensity, wave after wave crashing over Luo Binghe, he could barely fend it off, as Yue Qingyuan stalked closer with each sword glare he let fly loose towards Luo Binghe.

“You are the worst kind of scum, cause you're just an ingrate. You who reeks of false meekness that's who I hate. You pretend to be friends, but then turn on him and push him down. Well, you totally could have avoided all this, had you not killed my son!” Luo Binghe staggered under the onslaught accompanying Yue Qingyuan's enraged cry.

At once, he realised where Yue Qingyuan’s anger was coming from. He could not fault the sect leader for it. Not when inside himself was the same boiling flame of resentment. Yue Qingyuan was just aiming it at the wrong person.

Luo Binghe opened his mouth to protest, to defend himself, but was immediately choked by the Yue Qingyuan’s roiling qi swirling around them.

The sect leader was almost right in front of him now. Had Luo Binghe not just mused that they were of the same height? Like this, killing intent rolling off of him in violent waves Yue Qingyuan towered over him. He blocked a direct slash from Xuan Su, Zheng Yang quivering in his grip as Yue Qingyuan bore down on him.

His throat was dry as he lashed out, hoping to drive Yue Qingyuan back, to get just a moment to breathe, but a primal fear clawed at his lungs. Luo Binghe had faced countless beasts and monsters, taken on dozens of high ranking demons, the heir to the northern throne amongst them, but the last time he'd felt fear like this had been when the abyss was looming open behind him and Shen Yuan had thrown himself between Luo Binghe and the approaching Shen Qingqiu.

“He was far too nice, mercy has a price. Unlike him I have no mercy left to give.” Yue Qingquan hefted Xuan Su into the air with both hands and brought it down, its blade gleaming murderously. Luo Binghe caught the blow on Zheng Yang but could only watch helplessly as his arm was pressed down under the mountainous weight of Yue Qingyuan's wrath until Xuan Su tore into the flesh of his shoulder.

Luo Binghe screamed as Yue Qingyuan's spiritual energy forced its way into him through the open wound, flooding him with a torrent of pain. “Close your eyes, the world is dark and ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves.”

Luo Binghe only barely caught Yue Qingyuan lifting one hand from Xuan Su's hilt, vision blurry from the pain of qi forcing itself through his meridians, then something shot forth from Yue Qingyuan's sleeve and his vision went black. His last thought was, that this couldn't be how it ended. Weren't they both fighting for the same person?

[even-in-arcadia]

it's also very important to me that (in the films) Boromir specifically is the one who picks up and carries Frodo from the scene of the bridge of Khazad-dum. While Aragorn is still turned to fight, Boromir is the one holding back Frodo and carrying, cradling him, from the battle. He's also the one who begs for a moment for all of them to grieve. It's such a beautiful moment of empathy. Especially given that his previous interaction with Frodo on Caradhras, that moment of fear and doubt. It makes somehow makes the entire scene on Amon Hen, all of it, even sadder.

later on the border of Lothlorien, as Aragorn argues with Haldir, Boromir is the one who takes a moment to comfort Frodo, saying "You carry a heavy burden; do not carry the weight of the dead."

Aragorn has spent his life in the wilds with other rangers and among the elves. He has fought and seen many things, but I wonder if it isn't usually among people who are as hardy and hardened as he is. He is protecting the world from the forces of darkness, but from afar. Boromir has spent his life defending his own city, a city full of civilians. While he keeps company with other nobles and warriors, perhaps he is more aware of the toll on those who are not used to such a life. And again, given the scene on Caradhras, given what happens on Amon Hen, it matters so much that he shows real care and empathy for Frodo in some of the worst moments of their journey.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Steven Beschloss at America, America:

In the last few days, I have received a number of messages from readers who told me they are disengaging. “I am retiring from politics,” one said. “I’m avoiding the news,” said another. And this: “I’m too old for another Trump term and do not want to even see anything political for a long time. Steven, I’ve enjoyed your content, but in order to live to 78 [I’m] going cold turkey on politics.”

I get it. Trump’s emphatic win and Harris’ loss is heartbreaking, especially after all the effort so many of us have made to achieve a different outcome. This defeat is made harder by the awareness of the dark and disturbing days to come with Donald Trump back in the White House. There are many high-profile critics who are wondering about their safety now in a world where Trump fanatics like Steve Bannon echo his leader’s fervor for retribution by promising “rough justice.” It would be a mistake to assume that Trump wasn’t serious with all his violent, vengeance-inciting verbiage. Anyone who assumes the next Attorney General will act with the reluctance and politeness of Merrick Garland toward the ex-president—resulting in his not being held account for inciting a deadly insurrection on Jan. 6—is sorely underestimating Donald Trump’s endless capacity for cruelty, attraction to carnage and hunger to punish anyone who crosses him. But it would be a misfortune if many of us meet the coming months only with fear and reluctance, disengaging from the necessary opposition to Trump’s authoritarian enterprise. That’s what Trump hopes to achieve with his angry, aggressive intimidation.

It’s appalling to see how the billionaires have quickly fallen in line. This arrived yesterday from Washington Post and Amazon owner Jeff Bezos, who spinelessly deep-sixed his newspaper’s endorsement of Kamala Harris: “Big congratulations to our 45th and now 47th President on an extraordinary political comeback and decisive victory,” he posted on what was Twitter. “No nation has bigger opportunities. Wishing Donald Trump all success in leading and uniting the America we all love.” In a normal world, of course, that would read like a warm and magnanimous gesture, not a kowtowing plea from a self-interested businessman who fears the consequences of crossing Trump. And he was not alone.

Meta/Facebook owner Mark Zuckerburg, who’s been threatened with prison by Trump, posted this on his social media site, Threads: “Congratulations to President Trump on a decisive victory. We have great opportunities ahead of us as a country. Looking forward to working with you and your administration.” So again: I get it if you’re feeling utterly discouraged and doubtful if you should stay involved. If the billionaires are rolling over, why should anyone take any risks? That’s understandable, especially in the wake of this awful defeat, and a reason why some of us will choose to disconnect. But I urge you to take to heart the closing words of President Joe Biden yesterday in graciously accepting the election’s outcome: “Setbacks are unavoidable, but giving up is unforgivable…We are going to be OK, but we need to stay engaged.” I also urge you to listen to every word of Kamala Harris’ concession speech Wednesday from Howard University (you can watch it here). I was particularly interested in her guidance as we look forward.

“While I concede this election,” she said, “I do not concede the fight that fueled this campaign—the fight for freedom, for opportunity, for fairness and the dignity of all people. A fight for the ideals at the heart of our nation, the ideals that reflect America at our best. That is a fight I will never give up.” She also talked about not giving up the fight for reproductive freedom, for protecting our schools and streets from gun violence, and for democracy, the rule of law and equal justice. “And we will continue to wage this fight in the voting booth, in the courts and in the public square. And we will also wage it in quieter ways: in how we live our lives by treating one another with kindness and respect, by looking in the face of a stranger and seeing a neighbor, by always using our strength to lift people up, to fight for the dignity that all people deserve.” We will need to hear more thoughts like this as Trump and his enablers drag us through their world of hostility and degradation. The vice president made a particular plea to young people, including students in the audience from Howard, a historically Black university: “To the young people who are watching, it is OK to feel sad and disappointed. But please know it's going to be OK…Don’t ever give up. Don’t ever stop trying to make the world a better place…the fight for our country is always worth it.”

[...] I will not give up the effort to pursue a better, more just, more equal, more democratic, more decent and kind America. It will take plenty of energy and effort to keep clear about what is true and what is false, what is right and wrong, what is normal and what is insane—and to inform myself and you about what’s happening and what we might do about it.

The temptation is there to disengage., but it’s the definitive time to stay in the fight.

[astraearinehart]

──Stella laughed at the words, not really taking offense by what her daughter had just spewed on her. in fairness, she has a right to be suspicious of her, as well as her motives; they don’t know one another, after all, and despite their conversation, it is but a mere glimpse into their lives, doesn’t sum for all the years apart. Liz isn’t aware of the suffering she had endured for years with Claude, with no prospect of things ever getting better. she was trying to be as honest as he possibly could be with her daughter, but words would surely fail to fully paint the right image for how her life had really been before her brother reached out to her to go back home.

“I might go back home, but we will keep in touch,” she responded in a coy tone, smiling a little. however, she did not plan to leave New York for a very long time, had made arrangements to be able to work online with the team, even if her duties wouldn’t be quite the same as she couldn’t be on-site and that would be her brother’s responsibility for as long as she was away. in short, it kind of felt like a vacation for her, and she hadn’t been on any proper one since her return home; her father had been quite strict with her schedule and what she needed to accomplish —and she did because she wanted him to trust her again, and treat her the same as before she had left. the same reason she had chosen to study, a plan she never had for herself before even meeting Claude, if she was, to be frank; she had only planned to be a socialite and enjoy the good life, yet her choices came with consequences. “not really,” she smiled as she shook her head. it wasn’t as if she would have cared either way, and maybe it was her personality, but she had fit well in her class. another soft smile graced her lips. “I’d be damned if I ever didn’t do something for fear of what people might think or say,” she laughed a little —frankly, she didn’t care for the most part, she could beat them up so they could try and say what they thought of her at their own risk, and that applied to everything in her life.

the more they spoke, the clearer it was for her to understand that her daughter did not have a good childhood, getting those little snipers in her memory, as well as the description she had given her back at the bar that night —Claude, despite his arguments, had not been a good father to her. listening to Liz speak of her father and describing a common situation for her back in the day made her wonder how she was still so defensive of him. “and did you still stay in that ugly boat?” she inquired, quietly, remembering well how beat up and useless that thing was; winter was just cruel in that thing and if it rained it was even worse.

a hand waved dismissively, though a smile adorned her lips. “it is what it is,” her tone gentle, almost, as she spoke. “we can’t always have what we want in life without consequences,” and she had learned that the hard way.

⸻ Elizabeth wishes she could forgive her mother the same way she accepted her father. The truth is she could not force herself to change overnight. It is too kind of her own part, to allow this woman to talk to her, and be present in her life again. It was funny, that Claude never talked about his wife when she left them. In fact, he let his own daughter make her own opinion about her mother. ⏤ Her grey-bluish hues met her gaze again. The younger Aussie still finds it suspicious that her mother is back after all those years. Either, she is giving the benefit of the doubt… Interesting. ❛ We have plenty of time together until you flee again. ❜ She doesn't know how long her mother plans to stay, no matter what the woman says, she still won't believe it.

The financial topic… The truth is the younger blonde is a bit detached from material things. She contents with small, perhaps because all her life or the beginning of it, she had had nothing. And she went through a lot of financial struggles. One could get used to a life of comfort easily, meanwhile, Liz was taking time to adjust to a life of luxury. ❛ People didn't judge because you were older to start over? ❜ She inquired quietly, curious to know how she handled it. In truth, Elizabeth wasn't so sure if she had the patience to back to her studies, and mixed with unsure about what she truly wanted to do. Perhaps, it was the main reason why she wanted to avoid this topic.

She loves arts, singing, dancing, and acting… Having the little family she has makes things a bit complicated. ⏤ The question about her father, caught her a bit off guard. Worry as she may be for her own father's sanity ( the one he lacks, truth be told ) . ❛ After you were gone, Papa started to drink even more and use other things. He didn't have another child. In a way, he isolates himself from people, even me. I met a few women, but I supposed it was his one-night stands. He spent too much time with his plants. It was kind of rare to see him with other women. He never brought them home. He used to call his friends. Sometimes, his best friend used to take me out to stay with him when Papa wasn't doing great. He would give me cookies and milk, and let me watch cartoons on his TV. Sometimes UFC.❜ She explained, a little of a glimpse of how everything begins to go south.

Liz in part blames her mother for her father's loss of once and all his sanity. There were things in her father's past he didn't share. She tried to pry, but he would never say anything. ❛ I'm sorry about that. ❜ The younger blonde refers to being trapped in an unhappy marriage.

[contagiousrhythminmybrain]

“Because he doesn't know which feels worst, the threats or the love. The loathing or the expectations. The hate or the responsibility.” - Us Against You

Something something Benji becoming exactly the person everyone in town wanted him to be. Because then he knows what he has to do to be loved. Because the best way to keep people from noticing you’re different is to let them think they know everything about you. Because being violent gives him a purpose, even when he knows how other people view him, even when he’s the protector, even when the person he’s most willing to hurt is himself. Because his own greatest fear is the responsibility that comes with being anything else.

I’d say one of the main themes across the whole Beartown story is how the best and worst of a person or a town (or a hockey club) tend to stem from the same place and wow the constant conflict that is Benji Ovich.

[syn0vial]

touch-averse or touch-starved? an analysis of boba fett's attitudes towards physical touch in legacy of the force

a sufficient number of people expressed interest in this topic that i'm finally making this post! i find this facet of fett's characterization quite fascinating and naturally wanted to share, especially bc it's so unexpectedly nuanced in a lot of ways. so here it is, for the consideration and enjoyment of fic writers, expanded universe enjoyers, and general fett fans alike!

touch is (ostensibly) unbearable because it's a form of compassion. throughout the series, if there's one thing we learn can put fett into the fight-or-flight reflex, it's compassion. at multiple points, his gut reaction to someone showing him compassion is to either lash out at them to get them to stop (as he does with jaina), or if he's not willing to do that, get away from them as fast as he can (as he does with sintas and occasionally beviin early into their friendship). fett explicitly equates more intimate forms of touch (such as hugging, or taking his hand) with compassion and states outright that he has no idea how to respond to such gestures. yet, fett's attitude towards touch cannot be boiled down to simple aversion, because

fett's reactions to physical touch read more like someone who is touch-starved, not touch-averse. despite the attitude towards compassion explored above, when fett is actually faced with compassionate touch, his reaction is not what one would expect. in contrast to when people try to verbally show him compassion, which will get the aforementioned fight-or-flight response, compassionate touch provokes much more ambivalence. for example, when sintas reaches out to take his hand, he initially "dreads" it—yet, when she actually touches him, the text tells us, "He needed her to let go of his hand; but he didn't want her to." similarly, though fett seems to express relief that mirta isn't the type to hug him or take his hand, in the very previous book, we seem to have evidence contrary to all parts of this statement. namely, mirta places her hand in his to reassure him when he's undergoing a very painful treatment for his fucked-up-clone-DNA disease, and his reaction is to immediately take her hand and, when the doctor starts lining up the needle, to squeeze it with such force that mirta "thought he'd break every bone in her fingers." these do not read as the reactions of someone who is averse to touch, but rather, someone who is actually quite touch-starved.

(note that it is not at all uncommon for fett's actions/emotional responses to be at odds with the image he projects. he is not at all a reliable narrator of his own internal experience. for example, at one point he claims to not feel ashamed of anything he's ever done, despite the fact that we see him explicitly grappling with feelings of deep, paralyzing shame for how he treated sintas. beviin even teases him for this habit at one point, responding to fett's claims of professional detachment in the face of his obvious care for others with a cheeky, "'course, i believe you 😉")

furthermore, as we see with mirta, fett can get downright clingy when he's worried about someone. in revelation, fett and mirta both take part in a mission that eventually forces them to split up into separate strike teams. fett is, to put it mildly, rather anxious about this. he fears that something will happen to mirta when she's on her own, and that furthermore, it will be his fault for agreeing to take her along on the mission in the first place. significantly, the separation is book-ended by two instances of fett physically grabbing mirta. first, when mirta begins to climb up into the other part of the ship, fett grabs her by the ankle to try and slow her departure, a result, we're told of his "sudden fear for her." he doesn't let go until she shakes him off. later on, when they're reunited, with mirta covered in someone else's (though fett isn't yet aware of this) blood, jaina observes that he grabs her tightly by the shoulder "as if he was going to shake the daylights out of her." both of these reactions seem to be purely instinctive and visceral; it seems fett's first, kneejerk reaction to the fear of losing someone is to physically grab and hold onto them. again, his actions don't align with the detached, touch-averse image he sometimes portrays.

finally, the characters who know fett best seem to know to offer physical reassurance in the face of painful/distressing situations. specifically, we see beviin and mirta offer physical touch as reassurance; beviin places his hand on fett's back when he's watching sintas suffer from carbonite thawing sickness and is anxiously waiting to see whether her mind is still intact, and, as mentioned above, mirta places her hand in his when he's receiving treatment for his genetic disease. and that's not to even mention how sintas's first reaction to seeing him in emotional turmoil is to try and take his hand. for all that fett tries to put on a distant, untouchable facade, the characters he cares about most and vice-versa can see through it within the text itself.

in conclusion, i feel like if a character he cared about actually hugged him, fett's reaction would be something along the lines of this image:

thank you for coming to my tedtalk