#it’s so invalidating to lgbtq

[ilovedthestars]

A thought I’ve been having: While it's important to recognize the long history of many current queer identities (and the even longer history of people who lived outside of the straight, cis, allo “norm”) I think it's also important to remember that a label or identity doesn't have to be old to be, for lack of a better word, real.

This post that i reblogged a little while ago about asexuality and its history in the LGBTQ+ rights movement and before is really good and really important. As i've thought about it more, though, it makes me wonder why we need to prove that our labels have "always existed." In the case of asexuality, that post is pushing back against exclusionists who say that asexuality was “made up on the internet” and is therefore invalid. The post proves that untrue, which is important, because it takes away a tool for exclusionists.

But aromanticism, a label & community with a lot of overlap & solidarity with asexuality, was not a label that existed during Stonewall and the subsequent movement. It was coined a couple decades ago, on internet forums. While the phrasing is dismissive, it would be technically accurate to say that it was “made up on the internet.” To be very clear, I’m not agreeing with the exclusionists here—I’m aromantic myself. What I’m asking is, why does being a relatively recently coined label make it any less real or valid for people to identify with?

I think this emphasis on historical precedent is what leads to some of the attempts to label historical figures with modern terminology. If we can say someone who lived 100 or 1000 years ago was gay, or nonbinary, or asexual, or whatever, then that grants the identity legitimacy. but that's not the terminology they would have used then, and we have no way of knowing how, or if, any historical person's experiences would fit into modern terminology.

There's an element of "the map is not the territory" here, you know? Like this really good post says, labels are social technologies. There's a tendency in the modern Western queer community to act like in the last few decades the "truth" about how genders and orientations work has become more widespread and accepted. But that leaves out all the cultures, both historical and modern, that use a model of gender and sexuality that doesn't map neatly to LGBTQ+ identities but is nonetheless far more nuanced than "there are two genders, man and woman, and everyone is allo and straight." Those systems aren’t any more or less “true” than the system of gay/bi/pan/etc and straight, cis and trans, aro/ace and allo.

I guess what I’m saying is, and please bear with me here, “gay” people have not always existed. “Nonbinary” people have not always existed. “Asexual” people have not always existed. But people who fell in love with and had sex with others of the same gender have always existed. People who would not have identified themselves as either men or women have always existed. People who didn’t prioritize sex (and/or romance) as important parts of their lives have always existed. In the grand scheme of human existence, all our labels are new, and that’s okay. In another hundred or thousand years we’ll have completely different ways of thinking about gender and sexuality, and that’ll be okay too. Our labels can still be meaningful to us and our experiences right now, and that makes them real and important no matter how new they are.

We have a history, and we should not let it be erased. But we don’t need a history for our experiences and ways of describing ourselves to be real, right now.

[contradictory-label-culture-is]

Saw someone say they supported lesboys/turigirls but not mspec les/gays

... girl what r u talking abt

RIGHT?? This shit always happens ...also I hope they know the majority of lesboys/Turigirls support Mspec lesbians and gays... I REALLY hope they know that causee...

[sirenium]

Someone left a hate comment on one of my posts, so ya know what that means: another positivity post!

m-spec lesbians/gays, lesboys, turigirls, and anyone else that is 'the reason the LGBTQ community gets mocked' are cool ASF and are an important part of the community. Fuck 'being valid' as a queer person; we're all invalid to bigots, and that doesn't mean shit. We're going to be here, we have always been here, and we're not going anywhere.

Nothing a blank 'hater' account says will change that, either.

[the-perfect-day-to-die]

Just a reminder that it's absolutely valid to be a lesbian and not like giving/receiving oral.

[pennaddict]

Grade F womanwhore. Not even whoreing. Only occasionally womaning. 0/100 score.

[starrytalking]

Recently I was at a meet-up-thing for a-spec people and one of the older ones who organise these meet-ups said in the course of a conversation “well I’m ace and whatever sort of attraction I might feel every time a full moon aligns with the bloom of a special flower won’t shake my understanding of myself, I’m secure enough in who I am to not let that shatter my picture of myself” (that was a very loose quote but I think u get what she meant). And I just found it so funny cause she said it like it was a ridiculous thought to herself, that something small like that could impact herself so much because she’s obviously very at piece and secure with and in her asexuality and while I’m also quite sure of myself in that regard nowadays, there was a long period of time where a random maybe-attraction could definitely make myself question my whole sexuality all over again so that ridiculous thought was and in parts still is a reality to me. And I think this really beautifully shows how self-discovery is a process that we’re all taking at our own pace but that can “end” at some point where we can still be open to new feelings and realisations but where we can have found a way to self-identify that makes us be secure in who we are and where the path of self-discovery is less a daily shattering of our perception of ourselves and more a stable ground we can be free to make new experiences on.

[madohomurat]

the pro bi lesbian arguments all boil down to one of these statements

i do not personally believe that these identities are lesbiphobic, biphobic, or transphobic and those who say that they are, are delusional and need to get over it (touch grass, etc.)

i do not personally believe that these identities are lesbiphobic, biphobic, or transphobic, and those who say that they are, are only doing so because they want to tear the community apart

regardless of lesbiphobia, biphobia, or transphobia, we should turn a blind eye to it because i personally fail to see how and why these identities can invalidate someone

regardless of lesbiphobia, biphobia, or transphobia, we should turn a blind eye because theres other things that are more important

there is no such thing as an LGBTQ identity that is harmful or invalidating towards other LGBTQ identities

and i see very blatant flaws in all of these basic conclusions. like, no matter how hard i try, and trust me, i have tried very hard, i simply cannot see how any of these conclusions are just or good in nature or "good faith"

[haoaibai]

today at school, i had some “friends” and one friend went “who’s ready for pride month?” and they were all cheering in the classroom and then this one friend who sat next to me (found out she makes fun of me sometimes) said so much horrible things about trans people and the lgbtq community (mostly the trans and non binary community including genderfluid)

they started saying they hate trans people bc we “take the piss” and they never understand why we go by he/they and she/they and that and they invalidated neopronouns too saying “wtf are neopronouns? some neopronouns users actually have pronouns like meow/meow, xe/xem, etc” like why would i wanna call you that like that’s so stupid (laughs)” and they started talking about this teacher who got sacked bc he misgendered a student who was trans and trial for 3 days and now they went “oH nO OfFENsE but what is genderfluid? what is that? bc why am i a man the next day, a female today, a trans next day, and demi fucking the next week like that’s so confusing and you can’t change genders like that so they need to stop that HAHAHAHHAA” and the “why do you guys use he/they pronouns? and she/they and whatever? like you can’t use more than one pronoun and gender equals pronouns like stop being stupid” LIKE I FELT SO INVALIDATED OMFG

“and i never understand the non binary mfs who use more than one pronouns or say their gender is this that like THERES ONLY 2 GENDERS. female and male. nothing else???”

and they just said so much more like oh my god (message me if you wanna hear the rest) and i just hate them for it. I BROUGHT MY PRIDE FLAG for celebration in my bag and thank god i never brought it our bc yall wouldve invalidated me.

i hate people. lgbtq ppl are extremely valid. yall cishets and straights NEED TO SHUT UP.

[scarefox]

Reasons why it annoys me when people say that only the party folks and fucking around experience is the only true queer experience... I had a small nerd friend bubble we went to scene parties once every few month or to concerts. Non of us fucked around (oh wait one bi girl did but that was it). Some had lovers some didn't. (and it was a mixed group of LGBTq folks and cishetes where the cishetes had more action than the rest of us)

This is for the people who didn’t party in their teens and twenties. For the people who didn’t have that “coming of age” movie experience with shenanigans and revelations. This is for the people who mostly keep to themselves. Who maybe prefer things to be quieter and gentler. This is for the people who don’t feel like they belong in a culture that values loud parties and flashing lights. I see you. And you are valid.

[comradecowplant]

went back to reread my original post on the "mx" thing and i honestly don't know what anon was on about because the majority of my tag rant was about my personal experience growing up in environments that don't valorize gendered titles (and thus the need for a woke gender neutral one being doubly unnecessary to me) and how fascinating language is in how we (usamerican english speakers in particular) assign social capital to certain honorifics alone which are then prioritized over someone actually behaving in ways actually deserving of respect & social capital. post was 90% that, 10% making fun of gender neutral santa, and 0% making fun of any fellow nonbinary trans people who do, for whatever reasons, decide to use that term for themself.

[notdeadyetnatural]

holy shit next year will be the tenth anniversary of Obergefell v. Hodges (gay marriage)

[imstillalexcomic]

Last night I sat down to write the text post to accompany this comic, but I began spiraling. There were so many things that I wanted to say that before I was even halfway through it was already three pages long.

I’m just going to truncate my thoughts.

It wasn’t the questions that bothered me, it was that I wasn’t believed.

It was that they doubled down and told me that I was “repressed”.

It was that me saying their words hurt me was apparently the wrong thing to say, and I was attacked for doing so.

It was that they told me they didn’t mean to hurt me when I knew that and already said so in my initial text to them.

It was that they told me that they were “going out of their way” for me.

One – trans tomboys exist and just because I might not want the same things you do, that doesn’t mean that my experience is invalid.

Two – I am not your charity case trans person that you need to “go out of your way” for.

Three – I thought I was your friend. In my mind, when you help a friend you’re not “going out of your way”, you help because you genuinely want to and don’t even think about whether or not it’s an inconvenience.

Four – no matter what, I still consider you a friend and though I need some time, I hope some day we can share our journeys with each other again.

#trans#transgender#gender#genderqueer#queer#LGBT#LGBTQ#HRT#comics#webcomics#ImStillAlex#hormonereplacementtherapy

[loganthrives]

I think I came out as demi like 8-9 years ago? Geez, its been a while. But the few snippets of ace exclusionist BS I've seen recently are pretty much almost word-for-word identical as the stuff I used to see around the time I came out and before then.

As in, it hasn't changed one bit. Neither the wording nor the volume of it. Its like the exclusionists are bringing in & training their direct replacements but they've only got the same script to work from.

Its like, I'm bored y'all. Get new material or something idk 🥱

[i-want-cookies-pls]

Happy Pride Month!! 🏳️‍🌈

I might not be able to do anything special this month, I might not be the first person to say this, I might not be the best person to say this, nobody might even read this post, but to any queer person who does: know that you are so valid and so special, and the world might be shitty sometimes, and people might be shitty sometimes, but if you’re having to deal with those, this community will always be open to you for anything, be it a rant of a cry or just advice, and I won’t tell you to be strong or anything because that’s fucking hard, but so many people here including me damn well welcome you if you need it. And if you already survived through the world and the people being shitty? I am so proud of you. This might not matter from some online stranger like me, but I am, and I want to say it. I’m proud of every queer person who made it through. And I’m sure I’m not the only one.

Have a great month! 🌈 Take care and drink lots of water!

[milaisreading]

It's so weird when I see some members of the LGBTQ+ community bash or invalidate aromantic, asexual, or aroace people... U are not superior when u do that. And I thought it was weird before I even knew I was aroace.

[genderkoolaid]

7 in 10 transgender people age 18-24 experience an eating disorder. These disorders are so pervasive in the LGBTQ community that the Biden administration earlier this month awarded a multi-million dollar grant to psychologists pioneering identity-affirming eating disorder treatment for LGBTQ people. Trans men experience even higher rates of eating disorders than their female counterparts and the highest rates of any demographic group, according to a 2023 study from the National Library of Medicine. Experts say trans people disproportionately struggle with eating disorders because they face body dysphoria, societal stigma, and a deep desire for control amidst a world that often feels hostile and invalidating. [...] “Most people assume those impacted are young, white, thin, and female. [But] only 6% of people who struggle with eating disorders are clinically underweight. When somebody who is not that model then has to navigate recovery in the real world, they're also having to navigate this landscape that doesn't see them as a person who is impacted.” Cisgender, white women are the most likely to be asked about eating disorders by their doctors and receive treatment. Men have reported struggling to feel understood by therapists, feeling unwanted in the treatment environment and that their concerns are not taken into account. This means a lot of men—and especially trans men—are left untreated. [...] Cyan found it easier to be open about his eating disorder when he was feminine presenting, but since he transitioned, he gets nervous talking about it. “I feel like it’s taken less seriously because I look like a man, and it’s more embarrassing to have to deal with it as a man. When I was considering my gender, I always thought men don't have to care about what they look like. But that was not the case.” Cyan says men are held to standards of fitness and “pressure to be strong in a certain way.” “There's a sense of fitness that is still expected when it comes to peak masculinity. It’s to be muscular and strong and I thought that’s what I needed to be.” [...] When trans men receive gender-affirming care, studies point to a reduction in eating disorder behaviors. Another 2019 study found that when gender is affirmed and gender dysphoria is reduced, eating disorder symptoms decrease.

I want to note that even though the study mentioned here is a meta-analysis, that doesn't mean it's perfect. A lot of the data it's drawing from had fairly small sample sizes. I don't think the takeaway here should be "trans men have it WORSE than trans women" because ultimately, what DOES seem pretty solid is that all trans people have higher rates of ED than cisgender men or women. And all trans people are vulnerable to the influence of misogyny in developing eating disorders. The takeaway is that transgender men are especially vulnerable to disordered eating, that should be discussed a lot more, and transmascs need ED recovery resources that take anti-transmasculinity into account and take it seriously. And also, free transitions for everybody forever.