#it’s so fascinating how we’re all the same at a base level but the little things that are different?? fascinating

[narrans]

Stellar Allies | Part Two

GT July | Stellar Allies | Part Two

Words: Grit, Warmth, Foggy, Experiment, Honey, Lost, Doubt

It was mind boggling. Was this actually happening? There was something that looked like a weird spaceship in the form of a cylindrical tube the color of liquid mercury with a tiny figure inside – an alien.

Jax and Cliff both simultaneously reached up and pinched their forearms, mirroring the motion as if it were planned.

Swallowing the nerves that was making him tremble, Jax carefully secured the tongs onto the edge of the silver cylinder and began pulling it away from its original crash site. Cliff said nothing and instinctually maneuvered out of the way so that Jax could pull the ship in between the two of them safely away from the flames.

The looked down, gawking at what was inside. There, inside of the silver cylinder, was a six inch tall figure. Their limbs were limp, and they were wearing what looked like some kind of black mesh and leather flight suit. Cliff counted two arms, two legs, one head, and most interestingly another limb that made him think it might be some kind of tail. There was a dark helmet secured to their head, but it was obvious there was a crack along the surface.

Is that what was causing some of the hissing sound? Or was it just the ship? Cliff wondered as he crouched a little lower to examine the ship.

Tiny lights flashed and blinked all around the padded interior. Symbols on a screen flashed intermittently, but neither boy had any indication of what that could mean.

“Is it… dead?” asked Jax as he began reaching the tongs forward. Cliff was about to scold him for using the tongs on the figure, but was relieved when his friend merely grabbed the edge of the cylinder and gave it a little shake.

Both boys nearly leapt out of their skin when they saw the most minute movement from the figure’s chest and the head twitch subtly. They knew it wasn’t because of the movement of the cylinder that caused the movement, meaning this alien was alive. Cliff’s fascination was making him tingly all over, and the shaking in his friend’s shoulders told him Jax was feeling the same way.

“Dude!” hissed Jax. “There’s an alien. A freakin’ alien! Do you know how dope this is!? We might be the first to make contact with an alien species.”

“Allegedly,” grinned Cliff. Both boys exchanged an amused look, having read up on dozens of conspiracies and “abduction accounts” during their research, before turning their attention back to the figure.

“Do you think it’s hurt? Can it even breathe oxygen? All of these things are leaking and stuff, and we do not have the equipment to make an environmental chamber suited for it if it doesn’t breathe oxygen at our atmospheric levels,” fretted Cliff. Jax noticed the crack in the alien’s helmet and his brow furrowed. He was obviously trying to think of a good solution, as was Cliff.

“Okay, let’s assume for a second that it can breathe oxygen. I’m basing this off of the fact that it took us thirty minutes or so to get here and this ship-pod thing has probably been open this whole time. Unless this thing doesn’t abide by the rule of threes, it can probably breathe in our atmosphere,” stated Jax.

His friend was right. Cliff remembered the rule of threes being three weeks without food, three days without water or sleep, three hours in a harsh environment, and, the most important for this argument, three minutes unconscious without breathable air while unconscious.

“Okay, assuming these things are true,” added Cliff. “Then we can assume that this ship-pod thing wouldn’t open if the environment wasn’t ideal. I’m basing this off the fact that a species capable of interstellar travel would have the tech and wherewithal to make sure a survival pod wouldn’t open in harmful conditions.”

“So, at the moment, we’re assuming the alien is stable,” concluded Jax. Cliff nodded affirmatively. “Okay, then the next big question is what do we do next? Assuming the online conspiracy theories are right and everything, the government might want to experiment on the little guy. On the other hand, this might be part of a scouting mission or invasion force. This is just starting to get complicated, and I don’t want this thing face hugging me in the middle of the night and implanting little chest bursting aliens in my throat.”

This was ultimately the biggest question they had to contend with. Was there a “right” choice? They were far out of their depth when it came to preparedness and knowledge. It was a judgment call which had countless unforeseen repercussions.

What was the right thing to do?

Cliff chewed on the inside of his cheek as he thought, a nervous habit that often left him tasting iron by the time he came up with a solution. Both points Jax made were valid, but it was clear to him which one felt like the right thing to do; and he had the argument to back it up.

“I think… we take our chances and bring him with us back home.” Jax’s eyes widened as he listened to his friend’s words. It was obvious, even beneath the mask, that he was about to interject, so Cliff continued. “Hear me out. Just look at this tube for a second. Do you see any weapons? Do you see anything on here that might indicate anything other than life support? And what about our little alien companion? Any weapons? Side arms?

“I think this whole thing is supposed to be an escape pod and that our little alien was either in danger from his crew mates and had to evacuate using this escape pod or something happened to the original ship, which is probably the bigger chunk of burning mass that was falling from the sky that we thought was a meteor, like a technical malfunction. Either way, I think at least this little guy here is safe. This is just a theory though. I could be horribly wrong, but that’s what my gut is telling me.”

Jax listened patiently to his friend’s logic and, after a few minutes, nodded.

“Your argument is sound enough, but on the off chance this guy has acid blood or some kind of weapon, is there something we can… I don’t know… put him in for the time being?” asked Jax. Then, his eyes brightened. “Wait, our experiments from last year. We’ve got those plastic containers.”

“My thoughts exactly,” concurred Cliff. “We’ve got those ULINE poly tubs and, worst case scenario, mom has some catering equipment in the shed that is probably acid resistant. Until then, we’ll just have to take our chances.”

Their nerves set back in as they suddenly realized what it was they needed to do next – transport the alien. Both of them with their backpacks were prepared to move rocks, not miniscule alien beings. Still, they had few options available at the moment.

“Okay,” said Jax finally. “I’ll do the transportation and we’ll keep him at your place. Mom is inspecting my room tomorrow to see if I’ve cleaned so now is a bad time for me. If something bad happens, we tell parents and everyone who’ll listen. Yeah?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” breathed Cliff. Jax, obviously shaking, removed his backpack and shifted some of his things to Cliff’s bag to give the most space possible for the space pod. The boys worked together to tape part of the pod open so it wouldn’t close on the figure or accidentally seal shut during transportation.

They also tried to secure the figure by gently laying some of their emergency duct tape along the opening across the figure’s legs and chest and securing it to either side of the opened pod. The moment of truth came and Jax’s brave face was threatening to crack. It was Cliff’s reassuring bump on his shoulder that really pushed Jax over the edge and away from his uncertainty.

Using his heat resistant gloves, Jax lifted the pod off of the ground and slid it into his backpack, using what little padding he had as well as his jacket to make sure the pod didn’t jostle around too much.

The entire time, the figure only stirred twice, but made no additional movements even as Jax zippered his pack shut. Before leaving, Cliff made sure to tamp out all of the smoldering brush to prevent potential environmental hazards.

And with that, they were off. Neither of them knew what was going to happen or how they were going to navigate the countless decisions before them. One thing they did know was that this decision felt right, and they had their logic to back it up.

They could only hope they were right.

~~~^*^*^~~~

Warmth.

Foggy.

Groggy.

Pain.

Cold.

Confusion.

Ol’oih wasn’t sure which thing he felt more. The confusion of everything leading up to him blacking out felt like a bad dream, and the pain in his body made the experience real. It was a souvenir of recent events, and it wasn’t a pleasant one.

He could’ve sworn he heard voices at some point, but he couldn’t be sure. They were loud and booming, but also muffled. Was that because his hearing was damaged? Was it his life support helmet? Or was this actually how the voices were supposed to sound?

There was a fair amount of jostling all around him and, at some point, he was once again stationary. Every element of training told him he needed to be awake and aware, but his body was absolutely no help in this endeavor. He just needed to rest to heal and, ultimately, that was the logical choice too.

Ol’oih knew that he would be no use to himself or any one of his crew mates if he was incapacitated and hurting. So, he relented and let himself sleep.

When he returned to consciousness, however, he wasn’t sure if he had made the correct decision to rest. For a moment, he thought he was still beneath the night sky until he realized that the “stars” above him weren’t stars but merely beams of light. He was surrounded by darkness all around except for the little dots of light above him.

Another thing he noticed was that his helmet had a massive crack along the screen, breaking the airtight seal and exposing him to the atmosphere. He thanked Ove silently that this atmosphere was a friendly one and not something that was toxic. He’d be out of luck if that were the case. The rest of his limbs felt intact, albeit stiff, and he was laying on something that was soft that wasn’t the safety of his escape pod.

A thousand questions came to mind.

What happened when he blacked out? Where was his crew? Were they alright? Were they the ones who found him? Or did something – someone – else find him and bring him here? Had he been captured? Was he now someone’s experiment? Or had he been rescued from the crash? Where even was he? Had they even managed to crash near the rendezvous point?

His body thrummed nervously as he allowed his feelings of doubt to overwhelm him before taking two deep breaths, as he had learned in his training, before collecting his thoughts and worrying about one problem at a time. It was all he could do. Getting through this was going to take grit and determination, and laying there being afraid was not a luxury he could afford at the moment.

First problem was his ability to see. His vision was still a bit foggy, but that probably had something to do with his helmet and the lack of light around him. He had something for that, but he’d need to remove part of his suit. It was a risk he needed to take.

Ol’oih extended his arm forward, feeling it twinge slightly, to make sure he wasn’t going to sit up into a wall or ceiling. Confirming his surroundings, Ol’oih cautiously sat up and detached the clasps keeping his helmet affixed to his suit and pulled his helmet off of his head.

Now free, he realized he was feeing a bit woozy. He hadn’t had anything to eat in who knew how long and would need to consume something soon if he was going to survive. Everything cost precious energy, even what he was about to do to see his surroundings, and he needed to ration correctly if he was going to get out of this ordeal alive.

His body thrummed again, but he shut down his feelings of nervousness as he focused on the task at hand. Ol’oih reached up and removed one of his protective gloves and concentrated on the ciferi in his hand. Like he’d done so many times in his youth, the ridges leading from his core to the tips of his four fingers began to glow a soft green, illuminating the space around him.

What he saw made a pit form in his core.

All around him were portless, doorless walls with odd ridges along the top which undoubtedly latched the roof to the rest of the structure. Nothing else was in the containment unit other than what Ol’oih was sitting on, which resembled a type of white growth similar to this planet’s moss. The item didn’t seem alike like the white growths from his home, so he elected to stay sitting.

Being close enough to touch the walls, Ol’oih hesitantly gave the wall a push. Though it didn’t give easily, there was an element to it that was extremely synthetic as well as flexible. With the right nudge, Ol’oih thought he might be able to use it to his advantage.

I need to measure the space and estimate how tall this thing is. If whatever put me in here is hostile, I need to be able to jump out if I can. It’ll take energy, so I need to use my opportunities wisely.

So, with that in mind, Ol’oih stood and walked to the far wall. He pressed his back against it before walking at a steady pace from one side to the next, using his gate as a measurement. He repeated this for the width and then reached as high as he could to guestimate the height of the container he was in.

Okay, twelve ambas wide, thirty-seven long, and probably twenty or so wide? 8880 sambas. Great. I won’t run out of air, plus the holes in the top should allow air inside. No suffocation. My standing jump is twelve. Running might be fifteen? Using my addon, I could probably hook it along the top and swing to get out if I really needed to.

Last resort though. Lots of energy to do something like that. Plus, that’s if I need to escape. If I can, I will communicate my intentions. About time I’m able to practice my practical language skills. Years of study and simulations finally paying off.

Looks like being a communication ensign actually is coming in handy.

This thought made Ol’oih tremor nervously. Though everyone had basic language in the program, he was the only one of their crew who was fluent. If the others were in trouble, they’d have no true way to communicate.

In the middle of his swirling thoughts and feelings of being completely and utterly lost, Ol’oih was suddenly interrupted as the entire container around him shifted. The sudden jostle threw him to the side and then to all fours as there was a cacophonous cracking sound.

Juthez! Out of time to make a plan. Can’t pretend to go back to sleep. No sense in that. I need answers and assistance. Looks like communication is my only option. Juthez! Please be friendly.

The thrumming wracking Ol’oih’s body was making him feel completely sick and cold, but he knew this was necessary. The doubt in his mind would have to be pushed to the side for the time being. Skill alone was what he had to rely on, and he could only hope it would be enough.

~~~^*^*^~~~

Both boys had managed to make it to Cliff’s home without disturbing his parents. Jax was the one brave enough to lift the six inch tall figure of the alien out of the pod and into the plastic storage container while Cliff arranged a towel for a bed, arguing that it would be cruel for the alien to just be on the hard ground when he could be injured.

Jax went home and immediately cleaned his room while Cliff kept the storage container under his desk with the lid fastened securely. He tried going back to sleep, but knowing there was an alien mere feet from his bed was enough to keep the teen away from sleep for the next week.

It would be hours before Jax reached out saying his room had passed inspection and another twenty minutes before Cliff’s parents were awake and preparing to go to work. He’d asked if it was okay if Jax came over, to which his parents agreed as long as they didn’t perform any science experiments.

Cliff felt like he was lying by omission by saying he and Jax wouldn’t be doing any science experiments since they would be investigating the alien, but he deemed that as a scientific investigation and not an experiment and agreed. With his assurance, his parents left for work and Jax was over within minutes.

He had barely crossed the threshold before the questions started coming out.

“Has the alien woken up? Have you checked on him? Do we know if it’s a him? What if he doesn’t wake up? Are you as stoked as I am because I’m literally vibrating all over!” Jax’s inability to contain his excitement was hilarious and he quickly pulled his friend inside his house.

“Dude, just take a breath. Yeah, I’m stoked too, but we need to chill. If the alien reads emotions and stuff like that, he might get spooked. This is a friendly check-up and possible exchange of information, possibly with the first alien in history. Oh, who am I kidding, I’m shaking all over. I couldn’t even go back to sleep,” grinned Cliff.

“Me too!” Jax’s grin was stretching from ear to ear. Cliff knew his expression had to be the same to the point his cheeks were starting to hurt. “So, do we check on him now? Or what?”

“Only logical,” agreed Cliff. “If he’s still passed out, then we can investigate the ship, which is still safely under the bed. If he’s awake, we can commence Operation: First Contact.”

“Nerd,” teased Jax, getting the reference immediately, as both teens made their way to Cliff’s room. What started as a confident stride immediately shifted to cautiously optimistic steps as they shuffled into Cliff’s room and crouched by the hard plastic crate. As carefully as they could, they pulled the crate out from under the desk.

As they did, both boys felt the crate jostle subtly, as if something fell over, and let their excitement override caution as they cracked open the top of the crate. Light flooded into the crate, and, for the first time, they saw someone looking back at them.

~~~~~^*^*^*^*^~~~~~

Continue

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@gianttol #gtjuly #gtjuly2024

[daddysboydean]

Hey! ^_^

So I'm copy pasting this cause I'm asking several people the same thing to gather answers, and I dont want to mess up my wording.

Why do you ship Wincest, why do you like it?

And I know a base answer would be "look at the way they look at each other" but you can notice that people have a thing for each other or acknowledge a couple without shipping it, without being invested in it or liking it.

For me it's because I think it's cute and sweet, that they would be able to make something nice out of the, to be frank, dumpster fire of their life, that they could cut a weird little hole for themselves and say "in the midst of all this bad, THIS is for us." It also interests me to think about how they would get to this point, to cross so many lines and become attached to each other in a way that is VERY atypical, even for their isolated situation. Cause not every set of siblings, even when put through a ridiculous amount of trauma, turn towards each other in a incestuous way. They might be codependently bonded, but it doesn't usually spill over into the physical or romantic. (I'm talking about all this in a very fictional setting btw).

So I enjoy the created home and comfort, and the psychological(?) aspect of what would make it happen.

And I was curious about what the appeal was for you.

Thank you! ♡

such an interesting question! there are easy answers, like you said, look at the way they look at each other. the actors had great chemistry which makes it easy to ship their characters together. and it fascinates/torments me that they’re brothers and yet the homoeroticism on the show was fucking intentional, like i will never ever get over how absolutely bonkers that is. drives me wild. 

why do i ship them, though? honestly i think i have a pretty basic bitch answer. it comes down to wincest having everything in it that i got into fanfic for in the first place. my previous ships were all darker, and i was generally drawn to even darker iterations of those ships in the fic I read. i like it when there’s something wrong about the couple, some reason they shouldn’t be together (forbidden romance <3 yay <3). i like unhealthy power dynamics, obsession and codependence, morally gray characters and anti-heros, characters who feel born wrong or made dirty, outsiders, ‘us against the world’ and when there are external forces at play that the pairing has to go up against. bonus points if there are supernatural/magical elements and if the pair are on opposite sides of...something. i don’t like a lot of fluff — just a sprinkle of it, really, a taste, enough to provide a little reprieve from all the darkness and raise the stakes but not enough to outshine it. gimme whump and character studies. i’m big on sexual tension even if it’s not an explicitly sexual fic. none of my previous ships were canonically incestuous, but i’d find the incest AUs anyway — usually daddy/daughter stuff (wincest is actually my first queer ship). 

anyway, wincest has all of that in spades. it’s kind of like my perfect ship. you said they're atypical even for their situash and yes, they’re so fucked up and wrong, and on a very visceral level. they’re more fucked up than any other ship I’ve ever shipped, and it’s fucking canon. you don’t have to even try to make them as unhealthy as possible because they’re already there. and digging into that? sticking your fingers in the wounds of their psyche to see what makes them tick then pouring salt on that shit to make it worse? literally makes me want to scream! they’re sick in the head for each other and i’m sick in the head for them. even if we’re not talking wincest as in my dick is hard for my brother, even if it’s just gencest or weirdcest, it’s totally fascinating to crack them open and take a peek inside. and yet there’s capacity for such a painful, gut-wrenching softness between them that ruins me. it ruins me. you can put the happiest spin on their story but it'll always be a tragedy.

the last thing i’ll say is that there’s a lot of material to work with. i typically stick to preseries or kripke era fic when i read and write, but SPN is kinda special because yeah there are 15 seasons to pick at and dissect and expand on, but the writing was also super sketch at times and the storylines weren’t terribly cohesive throughout, plus it was written for a family network, so a lot is still left to the imagination. they gave us enough (whether intentionally or accidentally) to make for some seriously compelling theories and headcanons — and to imagine how things could be X rated. really no limit to what you can come up with, and that’s a fun playground to roll around in.   

thanks for asking! this is something i've thought about in a back burner sort of way but never really looked at head-on.

[waldorfhistoria]

Man, this wonderful Jenny meta I reblogged has me thinking SO many thoughts, especially about the Dan-Jenny dynamic and this line in particular:

“one scene that stands out to me is when jenny steals the dress in season one and dan goes into talk to her and it’s so clear he’s had to take on somewhat of a parental role with her since their mom has been gone? and i’m sure that’s frustrating for both jenny and for dan. but despite taking on this role of care, he doesn’t treat her condescendingly or with any ire, he tries to be understanding and careful and thoughtful where rufus couldn’t be.” - @buffyspeak

And one of the things that’s so fascinating to me about the relationship dynamic between Dan and Jenny is that they essentially have about four different styles of sibling relationships, all nestled into their one.

At times, especially towards the beginning of the show, Dan and Jenny have a fairly “typical” big brother/little sister dynamic - Jenny is teasing and affectionately annoying towards Dan, Dan is teasing and affectionately exasperated towards Jenny, but they ultimately look out for and try to protect/take care of one another the way that siblings do. But there’s a shift, I think, when Alison leaves - Rufus is suddenly acting as a single father, and Dan is put in the position where he not only needs to look out for Jenny as her big brother, but as a pseudo-mother of sorts - he’s the one who ends up playing mediator between Rufus and Jenny’s growing conflicts, who tries to give her the advice and guidance that she’s not getting from either of her actual parents, and is even the one who Rufus, at times, turns to to talk out the parenting decisions he makes in relation to Jenny. Which brings up another facet of their dynamic that only grows as the show goes on and Jenny starts to struggle more and more - the golden child and the “problem” child.

One thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of the Rufus discourse really hinges on whether a fan is paying more attention to Dan as a character or to Jenny, because the Rufus in Dan’s story is often a very different figure than the Rufus in Jenny’s. Dan’s Rufus is a compassionate, loving, fair-minded dad, who affords Dan a level of respect and independence while also upholding strong moral values he expects his son to live up to. Jenny’s Rufus, on the other hand, is a far more controlling and at times almost immature figure, sometimes fighting with Jenny like a peer rather than a parent - a father who fails to offer his daughter the same respect and understanding he affords his son. And while none of this is Dan’s fault, how can Jenny not be a little resentful of it, of him - that Dan is treated like a person while Jenny is often made to feel like more of a project.

And yet, in spite of that, I would argue there’s another dimension of their relationship that probably plays a key role in keeping them close as the series wears on - Dan and Jenny as childhood friends. This is something that I feel doesn’t come up in the show enough but is still interesting in light of the way their dynamic evolves - based on what we know of their upbringing, it doesn’t seem like Dan and Jenny had a lot of other friends coming into the Upper East Side. I mean, we’re told that pretty explicitly with Dan, given that Vanessa seems to be the only other person he’s really close to outside of his family, prior to dating Serena. But it seems like Jenny didn’t really have any other close friends herself - at least no one close enough to stay in touch with after she moves from public school to private. It seems like - especially in the space of time that Vanessa was living in Vermont - Dan and Jenny were likely each other’s two closest friends, and I think considering how enmeshed their later social circles become, that adds an interesting nuance as well. Dan isn’t just Jenny’s big brother, he’s also her sister and sometimes her mother and kind of her rival and always her longtime friend.

[carriagelamp]

This June I decided to explore some of the different queer picture books that my local library has available to lend! I read so many of them I decided they deserve to take up two slots; I'll provide the actual list of them below the cut for anyone who's interested. Oh and my Very Big Please For Real Go Read This Rec is The Empress of Salt and Fortune which is the first book of a novella series that is seriously consuming me body and soul.

assorted queer picture books

I wanted to see what sort of queer/Pride related pictures books my local library had so I checked a bunch out. I was really pleased by both the number and variety! I didn't come across any I actively disliked, though I would say they broadly fit into one of three categories:

Books that happened to show queer families that dealt with other topics: < Mama and Mommy and Me in the Middle, We’re Happy You’re Here, My Mommies Built a Tree House > These were my favourites. They explored diverse families but came at it from a very normalising angle that made enjoyable read alouds. The message was clear but not attempting to pontificate to a child who likely doesn't have political context for it to make sense.

Books that touched a little more directly on queer identities: < Phoenix Gets Greater, Uncle Bobby’s Wedding, Who You Will Be > All enjoyable! The former is based on the true story of a two-spirit child, which I really enjoyed, it had lovely art and a good look at how indigenous identities and queer identities can overlap. The second is about a girl coming to terms with her favourite uncle getting married and really could fit into the first category as well since it's more about her coming to terms with sharing her uncle rather than the same-sex marriage itself -- very cute either way. The last one explores gender expression with a baby through the types of clothes and toys the child engages with.

Books specifically about Pride: < Twas the Night Before Pride, It’s Pride Baby, Grandad’s Pride, This Day in June, Pride Puppy > These were… fine (with the exception of Pride Puppy which is adorable and made me laugh and is one of my favourites that I read from all these). They do give some more details about what a Pride Event might actually look like, and some attempt to give some historical context but they tend to be a little... clunky. These are the sort of book that strike me as very “feel good-y” for an adult, or which work well specifically as a teaching aid for slightly older students that have some pre-existing context, but are less appealing as just a plain read aloud for the target demographic. I’m happy they exist, if you want to specifically teach about Pride then they're nice options! And they are all bright, pretty, and diverse! But I was not very interested in these as I was in some of the above books.

(*Canadian books)

Apothecary Diaries v1

I’m so glad I read this! I’d read the manga and thought it seemed okay but was intrigued enough to give the novel a try when it was released and wow! There’s just so much more depth and personality to the actual novel!

The story follows Maomao, who was kidnapped and sold as a servant to the imperial “Rear Palace” where the consorts live. Despite being raised as a profoundly capable and very scientifically-minded apothecary, Maomao is determined to keep her head down and do what she has to do until her period of indentured servitude is over. However when certain consorts and their children begin to sicken and die, Maomao, who has a mad scientist level fascination for poisons, finds herself compelled to give warning. This ends up thrusting her into the public eye and getting her involved in a variety of bizarre mysteries that plague the Rear Palace. 

All in all it was a fun, quirky historical mystery series. Maomao is blunt, single-minded, and bordering on caustic which makes her a complete delight to read, especially when she’s forced to work with the incredibly charming and manipulative eunuch official who’s taken an interest in her.

Bambi

I’ve never actually read Bambi before and spring felt like the right time to finally give it a try. Man, I thought the way they murdered Bambi’s mom in the Disney movie was pretty brutal but it doesn’t hold a candle to the book. The descriptions of the deaths and violence and terror in the novel are staggering and seriously just fucked. Very well written, and portrays nature in all its beauty and horror. You should read it and just appreciate how different it is from the Disney film...

The Empress of Salt and Fortune

My number one rec from this month! The Singing Hills Cycle is an absolutely AMAZING series. I was iffy about it at first, since the first book really thrusts you into the world without much guidance and it sets up a bit of an usual framing device, but once I got my feet under me I ended up falling in love with it. The series follows the cleric Chih who is from the Singing Hills monastery, which believes in taking meticulous record of historical events and stories. When the palace of the exiled Empress becomes magically unsealed for the first time since she ascended the throne, Chih hurries there to take any record she can before the place is looted. There she finds an old woman known as Bunny who remembers when the Empress had lived there and begins to tell the story of the years that passed in that place of exile. The story goes back and forth between the current day with Chih, her companion Almost Brilliant, and Rabbit, and the stories that explain the political intrigue of the past.

When the Tiger Came Down the Mountain

The second book in the Singing Hills Cycle and the one that really nailed home the fact that I was going to be addicted to this series. Once again the story tells of the cleric Chih who is travelling to collect stories and memories for the monastery. While visiting the mammoth corps of the north, she and a young mammoth rider find themselves trapped in the mountains by a pack of tigresses. Trying to find a way to buy them time until they might be rescued, Chih begins to discuss a famous tale about a scholar and a tigress who fell in love -- which the tigresses think is being told completely wrong. This book goes between the current predicament, Chih’s version of the story, and the tigresses’ version of the story, the two of which often conflict wildly in their perspectives. These books are seriously so clever and enticing, some of the best framing devices I’ve seen used in years.

Mr and Mrs Bunny — Detectives Extraordinaire!

Grabbed this one on a whim thinking it looks rather charming but ended up being disappointed in it. It has a fun concept, but the author is trying so hard to be quirky that it just breaks any possible flow and immersion the story might have. The story isn’t engaging enough for an adult, and a lot of the attempted humour feels like it wouldn’t land well with children, so it ends up being a bit of a clunky muddle. I didn’t bother finishing it.

Pale Colors in a Tall Field: Poems

I have tragically little to say about this… oops. I don’t usually read poetry, and I made the mistake of doing this as an audiobook just because it jumped out at me while I was browsing Libby. It ended up being quite pretty and I enjoyed listened to it quite a lot, but I wasn’t able to sit and digest it enough to get much more than that out of it;;; I would recommend it if you want some nice queer poetry that will make you think.

Queer Little Nightmares

A fun little “horror” anthology. Like most anthologies there were highs and lows, but there was really only one story that I skipped entirely because I disliked it. They range from serious and rather tragic tales, to warm romantic ones, to viscerally disgusting, to just plain hilarious. Not the best anthology I’ve ever read, but definitely worth a read if you want some fun monster stories and romances.

Sarah, Plain and Tall

Another childhood classic I had never read before so I decided to change that. And it was fine. I’m glad I’ve finally read it. I’m sure I would have enjoyed it if I had read it around grade one or two, and it was well written, but by god not a lot is happening here. A very domestic little story about a woman who moves to the prairies to become a wife and mother, and how she connects with the children.

My Man Jeeves // Carry On, Jeeves

Fortunately I received the recommendation to read The Inimitable Jeeves first, which saved me! My Man Jeeves was… fine, but it is very clearly a collection of “proto” stories, some of them not even featuring Jeeves and Wooster. While I didn’t dislike any of them, this collection of Jeeves stories didn’t grab me in the same way some of the others have. Carry On, Jeeves also baffled me a bit because there was quite a bit of crossover between the two! It feels like a very strange way to collect these story into anthologies... Still, I ultimately enjoyed both, and I skipped over the stories I had already heard in the previous collection and carried on from there.

For anyone not familiar with the Jeeves stories, they tell about the misadventures of Bertie Wooster, and young man of independent wealth who spends most of his time loafing around London and mucking about with his various friends and acquaintances. He is a complete idiot, but cheerfully acknowledges this about himself and is honestly impossible not to like, he’s just too friendly and too determined to help his friends! Fortunately he has his man Jeeves to do the thinking and to solve the various problems he comes across, in the most elaborate and impeccably mannered ways possible.

[inthiseternalmoment]

Tattoos are coming

Realizing that my tattoo journey has mirrored my awakening journey, plus some photos on my walk home from therapy that prove time is subjective

9/7/2023

Went to meet Felipe today and set two dates for the neck tattoo, super excited! He uses the pen tattoo machine which is much quieter and easier on the skin.

I liked his energy (even if he was a little serious, I got the sense it might’ve been from difficult clients in the past) and I’m excited to be working with him. Plus, I’ll finally close out this tattoo theme I started 2 years ago. I’m just now realizing that my tattoo journey mirrors my awakening journey, with Erik being an incredibly spiritual person AND my first tattoo artist just as I was beginning to awaken to spirituality!

With my original tattoo theme closing out in November, I wonder what kind of changes will be in store for my spiritual/life journey as well. I know the spiritual journey never ends, but at the same time it’s pretty synchronistic that my tattoo journey is a marker for my spiritual journey. In that way, I have literally become a different person over the last few years and I’m now about to really look the part. Fascinating.

Having finished the Netflix limited series on blue zones, Aprille and I feel more inclined to leave the US as a whole. Not yet sure how that will happen for us, but we’re definitely pulling from our future experience and bringing that into the present.

Also took these photos on the way home from therapy:

You can tell the direction I walked in based on the order you look at these photos…wait actually the direction changes based on the order you look at them…there’s definitely some spiritual significance here

What’s trippy about these photos is that the story you come to about the direction I was walking is the truth. I could’ve been walking one way or the other, and they’re both true. This is exactly what Aprille and I talk about (even Bashar), that all truths are real and you just work with the one that you choose/is relevant to you. And to assume one interpretation of these photos is the one and only truth will close you off from other perspectives and interpretations.

Which reminds me of the spider man meme that they referenced in Spider-Man: Across the Spider Verse. We’re all just the same thing pointing at one another to get a different perspective. “Levels of perception,” as I’ve said before.

…

In therapy I was actually surprised at the number of big things that has happened in just the past two weeks. I was recalling that we had finally submitted music, and that felt like over a month ago at this point. I guess that’s why time feels like it’s moving faster now - that being because the illusion of time probably is moving faster as I’m experiencing more synchronicities.

Who knows what’ll happen in the next two weeks! I’m sure I’ll be able to log it on here now, so that alone will be nice 😌

Also, I’m so curious what truths come to light this month for the collective. I get the sense that this will be the last year where things continue as they are. The unraveling is happening as we speak, and maybe that will coincide with this tattoo journey? We shall see 🫢🧘‍♂️

[transmissionsfromthebattlefield]

Rend It It’s Yours

Campus is a-changin’. Jesus Christ on a stick, I just got here. Deep breaths.

Every time I see something about some change happening here, I generally roll my eyes really hard because it’s 2023 and we’re still in the middle of the “2018-2020″ phase of this whole “master plan” they’ve got for campus. Thanks, COVID. Thanks, recession. And thanks, university administration, for your persisting zeal, which is fascinating to observe. The shiny new map of campus they plastered up on the first floor of the library has their projected business building on it, even though I have seen “it” from a distance multiple times and “it” is nowhere close to even being considered an unfinished building. I’ll be able to watch the construction up close next semester since it’ll be right next to Verder Hall, where I’ll be cooping up without a roommate or AC. I literally thought that building was supposed to be demolished this year.

The final result of Big Business Hall (actually Crawford) is supposed to look something like this, with creepy prison-drawbridge bunker White Hall apparently totally unchanged to its left:

Tree City, amirite? I love how quaint campus is.

Anger inducing sterile boring grassy fields aside, a headline from our own Kent Wired about campus evolution caught my eye in that it was very distinct from any superficial flex of size, power, or fleeting modernity. It was actually based on changing the curriculum itself. It was about the First Year Experience course that help the adorable freshmen-I should know-acclimate them to campus. Next semester, they’ll be rebranding it as Flashes 101, which I’ll admit is a pretty adorable name.

The thing that sticks me out about this new version of the class is that, this time around, students will be able to choose between sections that are specific to their area of study, like the section I had to take, or general sections that include peers with a mix of interests. In my experience, being grouped with students within my major’s college ended up only benefiting me on a personal level, not a social one. My FYE professor was actually the dean of the college my major was located within, and it was really beneficial having such direct access to her and her enthusiasm as I considered different options of what it even was I wanted to do with my education.

I did not have the same lasting effect with any of my peers who were taking the class with me, however. That’s no one’s fault, but it does confirm my belief that defining people by and grouping them together based on one loose and pretty much non-defining factor doesn’t mean they’re all going to be best friends forever. Facts of life, you know. I also ended up changing my major twice last semester, though I was located within the same college every time. Had I been even more questioning and veered off into another college or area of discipline entirely, I might have felt like I didn’t belong alongside everyone else.

Part of what excited me most about college was meeting people different from myself. And by being fascinated by what made people different from the rest, I was able to find the people I’ve clicked with most so far. I hate interacting with humans, but when you find someone you’re actually excited to allot time out of your schedule for, it’s the best feeling in the world. And then maybe on another day you overhear someone in your Media, Power and Culture class say that he doesn’t pay any attention to the news or politics and that he only pays attention to football, and you can’t believe how anyone could live life like that. And it makes you feel a little more confident in a part of yourself you might’ve questioned in a world gone mad.

College is inherently fucked up, and it can be oddly isolating when schedules don’t match up or disintegrate entirely. But that’s why it works. It gives you the superficial comforts of “You Belong Here” posters and tag along friends from high school (unless you’re me), and then it throws you into the arena of self reliance, self confidence, and self advocating. You will find community and solidarity, and you will also find spontaneity and the people who you strive to be the exact opposite of in every way possible. And the beautiful thing is that here at Kent State, we all have our own ways of being “the worst kind of people we harbor in America”, as per one Governor James Rhodes. The good and the bad are definitely both teasing away at my comfort zone at any given moment. The mindless bus rides, the hard walks through rain and snow, the late night study sessions, the frat parties, the emphasis on legacy, the gentrification. The supposed fact that downtown apparently needs two goddamn smoothie bowl places for some reason. Humanity in all of its facets is at both its dimmest and  its brightest in College Town USA, and that will never cease to wow me.

College is all I wanted it to be and everything I didn’t think to dread all at once, and I just might love that.

[daenerysstormreborn]

I don’t have too much to add here but

then why are you doing it? Because what you end up doing is projecting a view of child behaviour/psychology that cannot be implemented and making interpretations based more on how you think Sansa would be, then on what is showed in the text.

I am doing it because it is interesting to me, honestly. I like psychology and I’m deeply fascinated by human cognition and personality. Understanding people and why they are the way they are and what motivates their actions is extremely satisfying for me. I

Additionally, I had a troubled relationship with my little sister. We weren’t ever super mean to each other but we did fight. She was highly critical of my interests and stylistic choices and hobbies etc. because she was always a trend-following conformist, an athlete, a partier, a popular kid, and I have always been alternative, an artist, an academic. We’re 26 and 23 now and things are very different. I’m in a PhD program full of people like me so I have a wide social circle and she got pretty tired of her materialistic friends and doesn’t like to party so much anymore. We’ve realized we have lots in common and just expressed these similarities in opposite ways as kids. She felt like she didn’t belong so she tried to make herself like everyone else and I felt like I didn’t belong so I wore it like a badge of honor. I envied the way she seemed to effortlessly maintain her huge social circle and her popularity and she envied my authenticity and the way I seemed to be free of the pressures of things like social media. But in my envy, I didn’t realize that her maintenance was far from effortless, and in her envy, she didn’t realize that me bucking the trends didn’t mean I didn’t feel the same pressures.

We obviously don’t map cleanly onto the Stark girls, but reading more into the way Sansa treated Arya is a bit cathartic. It’s not exactly true analysis of the text because it’s very personal. Which I think is fine. I think it’s fine for all of us to find as many personal ways to connect with the text as we want as long as we aren’t making claims about the author’s intent, attacking each other, spreading hateful or bigoted rhetoric, or deliberately spreading misinformation (note the deliberate part, I don’t blame anyone for misremembering or forgetting things about the books). You could say that we should stick to pure textual analysis and keep the personal out of it, but I think we’d miss out on a lot of interesting conversation that way. I think it’s impossible for us to all be 100% unbiased and impersonal in our interpretations anyway. I think consuming and understanding fiction should be, to some extent, personal and individual. Different people will experience a story differently and find different ways to connect with it and I think there are lots of ways to do that without misunderstanding the central themes. I think that denying that classism and sexism caused Sansa to be unkind to Arya, and that this directly impacted Arya’s self-esteem, would be such a misunderstanding of themes because the criticism of classism and sexism is clearly important to GRRM and this story. So as long as these readings don’t deny these facts and acknowledge how Arya has been affected on a very personal level by these things, I think it’s perfectly acceptable.

So if someone were to say that Arya is a true northern lady accepted and prioritized by her family who victimized her rule-following older sister who was neglected by her family and was the black sheep in Winterfell, I’d think that was a misunderstanding of the text and drastically undermines the criticism of classism and sexism present in the story. But if the analysis is that Sansa felt like she was constantly performing to conform to the classist and sexist standards because she thought it was the only way to be safe and valued, and mistook Arya’s open rejection of these expectations as confidence and didn’t understand that Arya ALSO felt these pressures and responded in a different way and suffered as a result, then I don’t think it undermines the central message or denies that Arya was mistreated. If anything, I think it bolsters the criticism of sexism because it would show us that the gender roles make women suffer even when they do conform despite the benefits they receive by conforming.

I love hearing how people’s personal experiences influence their interpretations of characters. I love reading interpretations that I disagree with. I intentionally follow many people who both agree and disagree with me on various things about the story. I won’t engage with people being sexist (like mocking Dany for miscarrying or implying that Arya is wrong for not conforming or implying Sansa is responsible for her own victimhood because she likes the attention from LF) or otherwise bigoted but any other alternate interpretations are fun. I like stimulation and things to think about and reading only things I agree with and finding reasons TO agree with something I am already neutral to positive about isn’t as stimulating as reading things I disagree with and articulating why I disagree or coming up with alternative reads and mentally playing devil’s advocate for things I feel neutral to positive about or trying to get into someone’s head and understanding what makes them think the thing I disagree with.

And perhaps you still think this interpretation of Sansa is overall detrimental, which is fine! I’m very grateful for the time and thought you put into responding and it always makes me happy when people who disagree on something engage with me instead of just blocking. I love Arya Stark dearly and hope to find common ground with all of her other fans. Last things:

so did Bran

Excellent point and I’m very interested in the few posts that draw parallels between Sansa and Bran

she [. . .] was supposed to die quickly

Was this still true by the time the series proper was written or was it only true in the original outline? I have a hard time believing George would’ve bothered giving her POV chapters only for her to die quickly since he already did that with Ned

first-book-isms

What does this mean?

Thank you for reading and for your time and thoughts (:

Time to ramble. I’m thinking about the way Arya and Sansa fans seem to get into this debate about who was more lonely and neglected in Winterfell. Which is kind of funny because then the arguments get totally reversed when debating other aspects of the characters. But anyway. The general arguments seem to be:

1. Arya was clearly the neglected outcast. This is clear in the meta narrative because of her connection to Jon and the fact that she doesn’t look like her true born siblings. The more direct evidence comes from the way Sansa and Jeyne teased her, the harshness of Septa Mordane, and Catelyn’s exasperation. It can be inferred that Arya feels a sense of insecurity wrt to her family ties as she wonders if her own mother would want her back after everything that happened. It can be assumed that she was a bit of an outcast based on her disinterest in the things expected of her as a girl, and we see the way many characters look down upon non-conforming women and girls in-universe. Sansa, on the other hand, receives praise from her mother and the septa and has two named close friends in Winterfell. She happily conforms to what is expected of her as a highborn girl and we can assume she would fit in in Winterfell.

2. Sansa was clearly the neglected outcast. This is clear in the meta narrative because she is the only one to lose her direwolf, which is the family symbol. The more direct evidence comes from contrast with Arya, whom Sansa observes can “make friends with anybody,” seemingly in contrast to herself. Ned agreed to kill Lady despite knowing she was innocent and indulged Arya’s interest in swordplay whilst being unenthusiastic about indulging Sansa’s interest in tourneys. Arya is demonstrated to be beloved by Ned’s men in a way we do not observe with Sansa. We can assume that Sansa didn’t feel like she belonged because of her interest in sothron culture, something none of her siblings share. Arya, on the other hand, is extroverted, makes friends easily, is northern in appearance, and has no interest in sothron culture, so we can assume she fit in in Winterfell.

I actually don’t think a lot of the points in the two arguments is mutually exclusive. We also have to remember POV bias. Arya doesn’t reflect on Any friends her age she had at Winterfell (I am not including Mycah because I am under the impression they became friends on the way to King’s Landing), but Arya is not one to reflect and reminisce. Sansa notices that Arya can make friends with anyone, but she doesn’t experience Arya’s inner world. What does Sansa mean by making friends? Does she see Arya having fun and being at ease talking to anyone and feel envy, since she herself feels like is performing, always minding her manners, when she’s socializing with most people? Could it be that Arya is friendly but struggles to find long term close friends like Jeyne and Beth, attributing this disparity to Sansa’s “ladylike” interests? Could it be that being teased by Sansa and her friends and scolded by Catelyn and Mordane has made Arya assume that other girls wouldn’t be interested in close friendship with her, causing her to be friendly but keep a certain distance? (**please note I am not trying to make a case for nlog Arya. I think keeping a distance because you assume you’ll be rejected is different and does not require that she looks down upon other girls, because there is no evidence for that here**)

I don’t have a good conclusion I just think it’s interesting that this is something that gets debated because the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. We can’t know because we get very few flashbacks and the story picks up when their normal lives in Winterfell end. I can’t speak to George’s intentions but if we pretend they’re real people I’d speculate that both would have felt misplaced within Winterfell at times, envying certain traits about the other

[monstercollection]

I’ve been slacking with my Literary Tarot Challenge posts so I’m going to do a quick drop with summaries of the ones I most recently finished, and hopefully get around to longer reviews of them later.

The Pillow Book by Sei Shōnagon (Nine of Parchment)- diary of an 11th century gentlewoman in the Imperial court of Japan. Sei is just… the most. She’s so much. She’s petty, she’s decadent, she’s conceited. She’s 100% That Bitch. I love and hate her in equal measure.

This was an absolutely fascinating window into the Heian Era but I had to WORK for it. Reading a book written 1,000 years ago is hard enough, but as someone from the US with only a second-hand familiarity with Japanese culture, Buddhism and Shinto, there were a so many new concepts I had to learn. Lots of good appendices in the edition I read that helped with unfamiliar vocab and cultural references (and I’ll edit to include which one I read when I get home). By far the hardest book I’ve read for the challenge and the first one I thought I might not finish.

“The Outsider” by H. P. Lovecraft (The Tower)- Short story about a sad, lonely haunted monster man, so basically my bullshit. My familiarity with Lovecraft and his mythos extends to having read Call of Cthulhu in college and playing a few board games based on his stories. I think I’d have gotten a little more out this one if I’d known more about his interconnected lore but I don’t necessarily feel the urge to delve further into Lovecraft’s work. It definitely stands on it’s own as a solo story.

“Bartleby, the Scrivener: A Story of Wall-street” by Herman Melville (Four of Light)- this is probably one of those stories assigned to me in high school or college that I either read just enough to fake my way through or read but remember nothing about.

It’s a short story about a lawyer who seems to collect weird, quirky, flawed little men for employees. He is extremely compassionate and I can’t tell if the lengths he goes to for them is supposed to make him the butt of a joke or if we’re supposed to see them through his eyes and empathize with them the way he does. I feel like it’s the latter. It’s stance seems to be that no one should suffer for being weird, lonely or mentally ill.

I’m sure my high school teacher bent it into some kind of puritan morality tale about how there is no point in helping those who won’t help themselves, but it doesn’t hit that way.

Emily of New Moon by L. M. Montgomery (The Star) - I don’t understand why Emily has not gotten the same attention and love as Anne of Green Gables. This is a beautiful story deeply into the category of Magical Realism, Emily’s world is as full of fairies and nature spirits and prophetic visions as it is the injustices of early 20th century childhood.

It pushes so many boundaries. I can see why it would not have been popular in it’s own time— there is a healthy level of blasphemy from Emily and her father who believe that their loving God exists as a separate being from the puritanical God everyone else preaches about.

It also radically asserts the idea that children are whole beings deserving of the same rights as adults. Almost every child in the book is living with some kind of abuse or neglect— and it’s not treated as “period-appropriate parenting techniques” but as the actual injustice it is.

I’m going to do a longer post on Emily soon because I have SO MANY FEELINGS about it. It might just be my favorite thing I’ve read for the challenge so far.

“The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” by T. S. Eliot (The Hanged Man)- How are we all sitting around for tea when the slow march of time leads us ever closer to death? The helplessness in the face of existential inevitability made this one feel just right for the Hanged Man

“The Cold Equations” by Tom Godwin (Temperance)- Hard sci-fi short story about a pilot who has to make the choice between jettisoning a stowaway into space or running out of fuel before he can deliver medical supplies to a colony. This was emotional as hell but a really good story.

[writingwithcolor]

Gingerbread man as golem

@yaronata asked:

I would like to write a character who is Jewish and uses a Golem. She's based on the D&D class of the artificer which looks magic but isn't, because they produce all their effects with inventions, like the "any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" quote. Her story is that her very Jewish town was under attack from a terrible monster when she was little. Her Rabbis made a Golem to protect the town, and it succeeded but was torn to pieces in the process. She was fascinated by the Golem and as a kid didn't see a big difference between it's sentience and person's so was really thankful for its sacrifice like you would a person's sacrificing their life for you. They thought all the pieces had been devoured by the monster before it died, but she went looking and found the piece used to animate the Golem, which she, kinda misunderstanding called its "heart". She kept the piece and grew up to be an incredibly skilled cook, specialising as a baker in the town. I imagine she would make a lot of really good food for the Jewish holidays, or to break fasts on ones like Yom Kippur or Tish'abav. But she also made a town specific holiday to honour the Golem's sacrifice and the town still being alive, because I feel "we are not dead woo" is a big theme for Jewish holidays from my research, so it could fit, for which she invented ginger bread men to be the golem, and gave them little "hearts" of fruit or honey, and you're meant to eat them limb by limb like the beast did before eating the heart. This would be the inspiration for using the "heart" piece later to make her own giant gingerbread Golem to help her save the world.

These are my questions 1) would it be considered bad or disrespectful for someone who isn't a Rabbi to make a Golem, or is this method of taking an animating piece someone else made disrespectful? 2) Her journey will take her far from her town and her Jewish family and friends and she will likely travel with gentiles. Would it be disrespectful for a Golem to be used to protect a lot of gentiles and one Jew in the course of saving the world? I don't want to fall into the stereotype of someone putting all their effort into valuing and protecting very specifically the group that in real life is oppressive to them. 3) While she is not using magic and is actually mimicking its effects with technology she invents, is this drawing too close to the line of "magical Jew"? 4) I like to "play test" my characters in ttrpgs to really get a feel for them before I write. Would it be disrespectful to play a Jewish character when I am a gentile, and would it be disrespectful to play a Jewish character in a setting where there are demonstrably real gods other than the one of Judaism?

I really like this character idea and I think it's cute and fun and rooted in Jewish culture but I really want to make sure it's respectful and as good as I, a gentile researching on the internet, thinks it is. Thanks so much! Have a nice day!

My answer to this is very complicated because there are things I both like and do not like about this premise. First of all, I love the idea of a cookie golem, and I'm even imagining the magic word that brings him to life (EMET/truth) would be written in icing. And I'm okay with the part about how she found a piece of the old golem and used it to build a new golem, because that makes sense for a golem made from a baked good when you think about how people use sourdough starter to make a new batch of sourdough.

However, here are the thing that make me cock my head to the side like my little sister's German shepherd:

1. re: "magical Jew" - that's not a trope I've ever heard of. Remember, marginalized groups don't receive identical disrespect across the board. It is indeed a trope to use Black people or disabled people as supernatural plot devices who exist only to further the stories of white main characters or able-bodied main characters. But I can't say as I've ever seen anyone using Jewishness that way. Usually if we are someone's one-dimensional plot device it's as someone's lawyer, fixer, "money guy", etc, not a supernatural force. So this isn't something you have to worry about.

2. I have a certain level of discomfort with you playing as a Jewish character just because playacting as a marginalized culture you're not part of strikes me as off, but I understand that that's how you gain insight into a character you're about to write so it's more of a writing exercise than anything else. (I wonder if D&D regulars from marginalized groups have written about this -- I've only played a few times casually with family so if I did run into this type of discussion in my social justice reading I wouldn't have absorbed it. If anyone is curious I played first as Captain Werewolf, and then switched to playing as Cinnamon Blade because lawful good was too hard. :P )

3. I would prefer you omit the detail about eating the cookies piece by piece symbolically, for two reasons: a. it unintentionally evokes Communion by having appreciative people consume a baked good symbolic of an entity who sacrificed his life for theirs, and b. focusing on the details of flesh consumption reminds me too much of Blood Libel (yes, a gingerbread man is in the shape of a person but how many of us actually think about it literally, the way this act would cause?)

As to your first question: I'm fine with her making a golem even though she's just a rando. Second question: I see what you're saying and maybe it could be more okay if it's really clear how well these gentile folks are treating her? And questions three and four are answered above.

I really do love the idea of a giant gingerbread man golem. Cookie golem T_T <3

--Shira

I would like to second Shira’s point about not ripping apart the gingerbread cookies. I honestly would prefer they were used as decoration, and other cookies eaten instead, since that part just feels so not-Jewish to me, but I don’t have golem-specific issues other than that. It seems like you have already been doing a lot of research, which is appreciated.

As far as the ttrpg/DnD aspect… I bounce back and forth on the topic of playing characters that are so very different from our experiences, other than in fantasy-related ways. However, I am aware that a lot of people will play with, and experiment with gender in game, and learn something about themselves in the process (the number of trans players of ttrpgs who tried out their gender in game before they were out is high). It’s different with Judaism, and even more significantly different when it comes to things you can’t convert into, like various actual, real-world races. But because people do sometimes experience growth from experiences like this, I’m hesitant to dissuade players completely. I do urge you to, at a minimum, bring the same care, research, and willingness to learn, that you brought to this question.

--Dierdra

This sounds like a creative storyline that you could have lots of fun with 😊

At first I was confused by this part:

She also made a town specific holiday to honour the Golem's sacrifice

But then you really got me thinking about different types of Jewish holidays and how they come about, so thank you for that!

Because it’s often the little details that either make a story super powerful or kind of nonsensical, I think it would be a good idea to decide what type of holiday is being created here:

A full-blown chag with restrictions on labour and halachic obligations? These are commanded in Torah and new ones can’t be added.

A minor yom tov with halachic obligations but no restrictions? These were instituted by the rabbis prior to the destruction of the Temple, so again new ones can’t be added.

A public holiday or equivalent? This would usually be declared by the Knesset in Israel, and filter to the rest of the Jewish world from there.

A community-based yom tov with specific customs only for people in the know, such as certain Chasidic groups celebrating the birthdays of their deceased leaders? I asked around, but no one can really tell me how these holidays get started, which is probably a good indication that they arise quite organically from a group of people who all just feel that it should be celebrated. Probably not created by a single person, as such.

Something she runs from her bakery, not religion-based, but more like a day of doing special products and deals the way many small businesses do on their anniversary?

Now, if the people of a modern-day town were actually saved by a real live Golem, that would arguably be the most overt miracle for many generations, so there would be a decent chance of options 3 and/or 4 happening. It’s entirely plausible that there could be special foods for this day that become a tradition, including Golem cookies. People who directly benefited might also return to the site where the Golem fought the monster and recite the prayer, ‘Blessed is Hashem, Master of the Universe, Who performed a miracle for me in this place.’

Alternatively, if it’s important that your MC created the holiday, something like option 5 might be the best. Hopefully this will still fulfil what you need: you describe her as incredibly skilled, so I can imagine the day when she goes all out on the Golem cookies being one of the most exciting events of the year for the townspeople, just because her baking is that good. Plus, they already have a personal stake in the Golem’s sacrifice, so I definitely think it could be a thing without being an official holiday. Also, if she is outside of an all-Jewish environment, don’t forget that she would have to decide whether to commemorate the anniversary in the Hebrew calendar or the local one.

Coming back to the cookies, sorry if we’re getting a little repetitive on this point! But I don’t see the cookies being torn limb from limb as part of a celebration. First of all, this doesn’t sound like a very celebratory thing to do, to say the least. Can you imagine explaining that to a three-year-old on their first Yom HaGolem? They would be terrified! (I don’t read this suggestion as accidental anti-Semitism so much as getting carried away with a metaphor, which I’m sure as writers we have all done!)

But also, it’s worth pointing out that our commemorative foods aren’t usually that literal. If you think about hamantaschen, maror, or apple in honey, they’re all symbols. That’s not to say that having Golem-shaped cookies is a problem, as this sounds like just a bit of fun that the MC is having and not something that is directly at odds with Judaism or Jewish culture. But it’s worth bearing in mind that the more literal you go from there in terms of tying the cookies to the event they commemorate, the less culturally aligned your holiday food becomes.

Finally, about the Golem protecting non-Jewish people: I like this idea! There’s a stereotype that we only use whatever is at our disposal to help ourselves and other Jewish people, so a Golem being created by Jews but helping others as well is a big plus for me. Of course, as has already been pointed out, this would be an odd choice if her Saving The World team were anti-Semitic or otherwise disrespectful to her/her community, but I don’t think you were headed that way!

-Shoshi

I have to come back in here just to squee over the phrase “Yom HaGolem.” Well done :D

--Shira

[coldalbion]

THINGS WOT I HAVE LEARNT AFTER BEING VIRTUALLY HOUSEBOUND FOR 3 YEARS THAT MAY BE HELPFUL TO THOSE IN SELF ISOLATION AND/OR LOCKDOWN DURING THE CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC

(Background: I have a lifelong disability and am a wheelchair user. After surgery I’ve basically been stuck living and sleeping in one room for three years. These are things I have learnt which may help, though with the caveat that everyone is different, and baseline mental health varies.)

1. YOUR MENTAL HEALTH WILL PROBABLY SUFFER - and although humans are social creatures, even the most introverted will chafe against boundaries enforced upon them by circumstance. The degree to which it suffers will be related to your mental health baseline and physical health. Understand that this IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Stimuli and enrichment methods are required. It’s why animals need such things in zoos and conservation parks. This leads us on to my next point.

2. COMPREHEND WHICH ACTIVITIES ARE ACTIVE AND PASSIVE FOR YOU Spending your confinement solely doing passive things (watching TV, Netflix, browsing the internet, scrolling through the internet) will take a load off your brain and make the time pass quicker. But if that’s all you do, the sense of disconnection increases over time. Activities which require you to *do* something, even if it’s just engaging your motor skills via video games, or lifting some cans of beans, or actively reading - these deliberate acts foster a tiny sense of achievement which gives your brain a dose of helpful chemicals. If you want to consider your activities, look up the work of Marshall McLuhan as regards “hot media” and “cold media” (See https://mediawiki.middlebury.edu/MIDD…/Hot_versus_cool_media for basic premise.) Balancing out your media intake with hot and cold activities keeps your brain active and pumping tasty neurotransmitters.

3. LIMIT YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA USAGE TO SOCIAL PURPOSES. Infinite scrolling as found on many social media platforms is a hot medium, as per McLuhan. The reason Likes exist is to give that little spike of interactivity. It’s not a conspiracy to say many platforms are designed to keep you on them so they can show you more ads. (See also https://www.theguardian.com/…/has-dopamine-got-us-hooked-on… which explains the brain chemistry angle) However, DM’s and other messaging faculties are supremely useful. Use them to interact with your friends, indulge your fandom theories. Person to person interaction requires and enhances deep-seated neurological and biophysical reflexes. Text your mates. Skype/Facetime or otherwise call them. Use the technology of the 21st century for genuine social ends, deliberately. Catch up with their lives one to one or in groupchats.

4. PICK TIMES TO CHECK THE NEWS AND STICK TO THEM. This relates to point 3 - unfortunately we live in a 24hr news cycle, with constant liveblogging of important issues. This means that we’re constantly streaming anxiety inducing situations into our brains JUST IN CASE. That’s not helpful, particularly when you can’t actually DO anything about those events - the urge to DO something is why people are panic-buying. It’s a very basic primordial need to grab resources for defence. By picking times of the day to check news, you are again, making a DELIBERATE CHOICE, enacting some small level of agency, while at the same time limiting anxiety-inducing stimuli. If the news gets too much, then don’t check it as much - or at all - and do something else.

5. IF YOU DO THINGS WITH FRIENDS, SEE IF YOU CAN DO THEM ONLINE. Run that game of DnD/Other TTRPG you’ve been meaning to. Hold your book club online. Have a few drinks online over voice-chat if you are missing the pub. Hold watch parties for your favourite shows. The key, as ever, is to be engaged rather than passive. It’s harder if you’re ill, yes, but it can be done.

6. USE YOUR IMAGINATION TO CREATE THINGS. Write that fanfic. Start that novel. Design that game. Doodle. Paint. Humans have been creating since the day we became human. Consider things from the perspective of a pre-modern person. Make handprints on your own personal cave wall - contact each other and tell spooky stories. Build a complex fantasy world. Write an account of your confinement for some person to find pieces of years after you’re gone from the world. Think about a problem, and learn how to solve it via taking online classes (See http://www.openculture.com/freeonlinecourses) Write an essay on your chosen passion or hyperfixation - nobody needs to read it but you. Treat yourself to intellectual stimulation, if that’s your thing.

7. IF YOU HAVE A SPIRITUAL. RITUAL, OR MEDITATIVE PRACTICE DO IT. It doesn’t matter if it’s not perfect, or limited in scope. This also includes atheists and those who despise woo - you have personal rituals, things you do that have Meaning to you as a person. Maybe it;s alphabetizing your music collection, or spring cleaning or cooking your favourite meal like grandma used to make. Humans have patterns they perform. When you perform them DELIBERATIVELY (or dare I say MINDFULLY) you become aware that these are the scaffolds that structure human life.

8. STRUCTURE YOUR TIME. Following on from 7, we often don’t realise the structure of our lives until it is disrupted. When that’s removed, our minds can go into freefall. If you’re isolated/in lockdown, oftentimes you won’t be able to access those structures. Rather than wait for them to to become accessible again and risk a period of feeling lost and directionless, which can enhance depression and anxiety, it’s best to develop a new structure based on the resources you have. It can be as loose or as strict as you like, but sticking to it allows us to develop a rhythm which makes time pass in recognisable fashion and gives us a sense of being-in-the-world as some sort of engaged process.

9. KEEP YOUR SLEEP PATTERN REGULAR AND LONG ENOUGH. The key here is REGULAR. Following on from 8, it’s important to keep your body well rested, as this aids your immune system and cuts down on the possibility of your body having to deal with stress . If you’re ill it’s harder to keep this regular, because sometimes your body just needs sleep to regenerate NOW. Equally in isolation, particularly if you’re feeling mentally low, it can be tempting to sleep forever, because y’know, you’re feeling low and what’s the point. (Of course the point is why we have 8 in particular, along with all the rest.)

OBVIOUSLY EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. Particularly for those with disabilities or chronic illnesses, we may be even more limited in our activities while isolated than able bodied folks. That said, the key is to remember that certainly during this pandemic, and otherwise YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE FEELING THIS WAY. Rubbish as it may be, many are in the same boat. If it pleases you to, seek them out - see what commonalities you have, what hopes and dreams and fascinations you may share. FIND THE OTHERS - it’s what humans have always done.

Be well.

[vintagegeekculture]

The Chinese Cultural Inspirations for Dragon Ball Z and Super

Journey to the West was only the beginning. 

A lot of people are vaguely aware that Dragon Ball was inspired by Chinese culture and Hong Kong Kung Fu movies and novels, but are unaware of how deep and long lasting it goes. The Japanese spent the 1980s fascinated by China, which opened up from being a closed society for decades in 1978; the most famous human being in Japan in the 80s was either Michael Jackson or Jackie Chan. 

In fact, a lot of people commonly believe that the Chinese action movie and Kung Fu novel cultural and media influence on Dragon Ball ended very early on. This is untrue. Sure, we started to see qipaos and cheongsams less frequently when they headed to West City, but it absolutely did not finish, because there’s tons of influence to see even as impossibly late as Dragon Ball Super. Interestingly, I don’t think any of these point of inspirations have been pointed out before, mainly because a lot of Chinese adventure novels are simply not available in English. 

 The Piccolo/Gohan plot was inspired by the Chinese action novel “Heavenly Sword and Dragon Sabre.”

Okay, tell me if you’ve heard this story before: a truly demonic, weird looking monster villain is defeated by a martial arts hero, but by circumstance, is forced into training his greatest enemy’s young son. The villain trains the young boy, the son of his enemy, in martial arts and over time, becomes like a second father or uncle to him and his family, putting the boy in his “evil” sect, and thanks to his love of his rival’s son, this baddie turns over a new leaf and goes from evil to just…grumpy, and becomes a loyal, though gruff, ally of the boy.

Of course, the events of Heavenly Sword and Dragon Sabre are a bit different from Dragon Ball in details. The Lion King becomes Wuji’s teacher because they are both stranded together on an island after a shipwreck, for instance, and he is blinded and made vulnerable. Also, the Lion King wasn’t so much evil so much as he was misunderstood by the orthodox martial world. However, in broad outlines, this trajectory for a face turn (becomes friends with his greatest enemy’s son, and becomes like a second father to him as he trains him, causing the villain to become a gruff good guy and ally) is essentially from one of the most famous Chinese novels ever written in the 1960s. 

Oh, and while we’re at it, Gohan is likewise inspired by another character from a Louis Cha novel: the Prince of Dali Duan Yu in the Kung Fu novel Demigods and Semi-Devils. The Prince in that novel is a naïve, pacifistic scholar who prefers books to fighting, and who was raised to be timid and avoid combat, absolutely out of step with his family, all of whom are martial artists and warriors. In fact, the beginning of the story is the prince gets incredibly lost in the wilderness, where the hopelessly naïve prince is utterly out of his depth, with all the robbers and scary beasts, and needs to be saved by real martial artists that protect him like fairy godparents. He spends the first part of the story running away from everything, scared as hell. However, by circumstance, he has naturally high power he cannot fully initially control, and eventually realizes that even scholars and others who hate fighting have to sometimes become fighters to protect those they love.

The Duan Yu part of Demigods and Semi-Devils was made into a film, the Battle Wizard, which was reviewed by PewDiePie. The Dragonball similarities went over his head because, honestly, PewDiePie does not strike me as a perceptive person. 

 Hit was based on the screen persona of Chow Yun Fat.

Chow Yun Fat was a Hong Kong cinema superstar who was to director John Woo what Robert de Niro was to Martin Scorsese. There are three giveaways that Hit was based on Chow Yun Fat. One, he’s an assassin, same as Chow Yun Fat’s character in the Killer, and is even given a sequence that’s a John Woo homage with an assassination in an office building with guns pulled on an empty elevator in an act of misdirection. Second, he’s wearing the single piece of clothing Chow Yun Fat is associated with, a black trenchcoat (fun fact: in Hong Kong today, trenchcoats are called Brother Mark Coats, after Chow Yun Fat’s character in John Woo’s A Better Tomorrow). Third, his power is essentially bullet time, a visual technique refined by John Woo in Hong Kong in the 80s and 90s in his gunplay triad movies starring Chow Yun Fat (what, you think the Wachowskis invented it?).

 The Goku/Vegeta relationship is from “Legend of the Condor Heroes.”

Here’s a story you might have heard before. It’s about two rivals, but by circumstance, one is raised in the wilderness beyond civilization, where he becomes an honest and goodhearted, though overly naive bumpkin, martial arts prodigy. The other is raised a wealthy prince by a conquering enemy, who grows up to also become an armor wearing martial arts expert, but also a cunning, arrogant, emotionally distant sociopath.

The similarities go into their love lives, too. The unsophisticated bumpkin hero is betrothed to a daughter of a powerful bearded barbarian king against his will, while the one hint of vulnerability and loss of emotional detachment in the otherwise sociopathic prince, the crack in his smirky arrogance, is that he loves a girl he otherwise pretends to hate, and even fathers a child with her who becomes a main character later.

This is Guo Jing and Yang Kang from Legend of the Condor Heroes. The most fascinating similarity, and proof that female psychology is the same all over the world, is that the fangirls love the emotionally distant, arrogant, and sexy/evil prince (remember when Rhonda Rousey said her first crush was Vegeta?). Girls everywhere love bad boys and sexy villains, and oh boy, do they love Prince Yang Kang. I think you can probably guess who all the fan art is about for Legend of the Condor Heroes, and what ship is the most popular.

I have to emphasize that Legend of the Condor Heroes, which came out in the 1950s-60s, is possibly the most widely read novel by the most widely read novelist on earth - the sales on that dwarf Twilight and Harry Potter. It’s probably not an exaggeration to say nearly every Chinese person, even if they never read it, knows who these characters are. In fact, Yang Kang and Guo Jing from Condor Heroes are basically repeated over and over in Asian, Chinese, and Japanese culture. Does the unsophisticated but gifted martial arts prodigy bumpkin hero, and the glib, arrogant wealthy prince rival remind you of….another duo of rivals?

Gohan/Videl comes from Little Dragon Maiden

One of the most important and influential Martial Arts novels of all time is “Return of the Condor Heroes.” A sequel to Condor Heroes, this time, the main character is the teenage son of one of the main characters from the first novel. It gets even more familiar from there.

“Return of the Condor Heroes” was about a martial arts couple who are also master and student, the same age but vastly different in experience and skill so one somehow seems “older,” and they fall in love because the circumstances of training together requires they spend lots of time together and become intimate. The training story and the love story are exactly the same in “Return of the Condor Heroes.” The dead giveaway one story inspired the other is that in both, the most significant training sequence is one where the master teaches the student how to fly (though Return used a chamber of sparrows for lightness Kung Fu).

There are some differences of course – obviously in Return of the Condor Heroes, the genders of teacher and student are flipped from Gohan and Videl (it’s the Little Dragon Maiden who is a powerful teacher, and the boy who is the student). It was the girl (Videl) who was a rebellious delinquent in Dragon Ball Z, when it was the opposite in the novel, true. But it was obvious this story was in the back of the creator’s mind as a way to combine Kung Fu with the love story, by making teacher and student lovers.

Addendum: hey, remember that awesome movie Kung Fu Hustle, the one Hong Kong movies normies have seen? Well, remember the landlord and landlady? The landlady was named Xiao Lung Nu, or Little Dragon Maiden, and her husband was named Yang Guo – the same as the main characters in Return of the Condor Heroes. It was a joke that went over the heads of Westerners, by giving these names of attractive and naïve young people in love with each other to a surly, bitter, arguing and chain smoking middle aged couple who don’t give a damn.

 Going Super Saiyan comes from “Reincarnated” aka “Bastard Swordsman.”

Stop me if this sounds familiar: a terrifying warlord tyrant prone to killing underlings who displease him has achieved a level of skill and cultivation so tremendous nobody can stop him. But there is one, and only one, thing he fears and that can defeat him: a long-lost legendary skill that nobody has achieved in recent memory, that includes a supernatural combat power transformation that turns the hair light to indicate it worked.

This is “Silkworm Skill” from Reincarnated aka Bastard Swordsman, a novel and TV series from Hong Kong in the early 1980s. Of course, there are differences. To get the power boost and new hair color, the hero has to jump in a cocoon he weaves himself. In fact, the scene is so well known that they actually have it on the poster.

(To those saying “Super Saiyan turns your hair blonde, not white” my response is that it turns hair white, or uncolored, in the comic book.)

The idea of your hair turning white to indicate a new supernatural combat transformation or martial state wasn’t created by Bastard Swordsman, though – though it is the best example and probably the one most familiar to a 1980s audience due to the hugely popular books and TV series. For an older example, a famous Chinese movie based on a folktale is “Bride With the White Hair,” about a bride who’s hair turns white when she is betrayed, in her anger, she becomes less a woman and more a supernatural creature of vengeance (interesting that anger should be the means to unlock it).

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Thurs 10 June ‘21

DREAMS DO COME TRUE and fanfics do come to life, how lucky are we? Seriously though, cooking show Louis AND footie Louis in one day, have we finally crossed out of the dark timeline and into some kind of blessed AU?! Louis is doing a COOKING SHOW (well, a little cooking video), and even better- it’s one of those things where he tries to recreate a recipe on his own for the camera! Full Time Meals is part of Marcus Rashford’s campaign to end child food insecurity in the UK. Celebrity chef Tom Kerridge makes easy meals from cheap ingredients for folks to follow along with, so Louis shouldn’t have too much trouble- good for him, though maybe not quite as entertaining for us, but this is one step closer to Celebrity Bake Off, keep dreaming big and crossing those fingers! Kerridge will post his recipe video on Sunday, and then Monday they’ll post Louis making the same thing. The preview pic is just long ass hair everywhere OMG. Put on a hairnet, hippie! NOT ONLY THAT I guess he is still at the studio, but hey that just means more video for us and not only that, today’s fan videos are of Louis kicking a football around- look at him GO!- with CHILDREN, goddddd. TOOO much, truly excellent.

My Policeman filming officially wrapped, and Harry took a fan pic in London (with a fan called… Harry!) Harry (Styles) is wearing his “louie” shirt (hey I didn’t name the thing okay it’s literally called that) and carrying his blue bandana in his back pocket (on the left, relevant if hanky code, probably not relevant if he was just carrying it for hay fever symptoms or whatever.)

Liam assured us that the Vegas entrepreneur dinner will be very fun and (in his underwear, hello) said that he loves his discord and he did a live chat about Lonely Bug and NFTs. He said, “lonely bug is my inner child,” there will be LB merch- “very limited toy drop might add clothes don’t know,” that the new song has “very very bright lyrics,” and said both that his knee is sore and that his knee is much better thanks, how very Liam.

And in a (these days rare for me) dip into fandom discourse, I see writer Kaitlyn Tiffany is back making the rounds of blogs for her book about the 1D fandom and how craaaazzzy larries are; BLOCK HER. Her tumblr url is kaittiffany (EDIT SJDKJFKS she has deleted since this morning OK THEN but she will be back again; I’m leaving this in for next time as we definitely haven’t seen the last of her, plus you know I went to all the trouble of writing it.) A book actually reporting on this complex and somewhat unique fandom objectively from a place of interest and curiosity would be fascinating and totally worthwhile… but sadly this REALLY ain’t it. She has made it clear she has no intention of actually writing about the intricacies of this fandom, only in finding material to bolster her already decided upon thesis about the ‘clinical paranoia’ and conspiracy theorizing of young women online. Her entire premise is based on her own preconceived bias, and she came here to find things to support her premise rather than coming up with it based on what she saw (not to mention it’s totally dated at this point, she really missed the cultural moment on that) and she has no interest in hearing what we have to say, only in pathologizing to support the sensationalist brief she probably got a publishing advance for and finding things to pull out of context to make her already decided on points. Anyway she wrote the intern- who had not blocked her to that account, oops- offering the ‘choice’ between one of our posts being quoted in her book with or without a name attached GEE THANKS SUCH GREAT OPTIONS; once she sees anything she wants to pull out of context, you can’t do anything about it (this is a public platform), so just block her so she doesn’t see it in the first place.

Hey but since we’re not getting an actual balanced book about the fandom maybe someone should write a companion book to hers analyzing the psychological phenomena of antis! Hey publishers, I can throw around buzz words too plus unlike her I know what I’m talking about as an actual member of this community, check it out: I propose an analysis in the aftermath of the Trump era of ‘othering’ in online spaces and how certain fandom groups operate as a socially acceptable entry level location of practice in demonizing a peer population which can act as a gateway to normalizing the othering of other cultures, races, etc. In this essay book I will address how fans experience peer validation and support to egg each other on in bullying other people because those people have been coded as Other and Wrong and because their community reinforces the idea that attacking other humans is Good Behavior and that normal constraints and ethics are suspended when people need to be Made to Understand the Righteous Truth and that any means justify that end, and how that carries over into non-fandom life and is dangerous as hell. Now THAT’S timely, DM for deets about where to send my advance!

[thefanficmonster]

My Kind

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warning: Swearing

Genre: Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having been chosen by the gang to be a guest streamer on today’s stream of Among Us, it’s safe to say Y/N’s super excited but also a bit nervous. The whole of her anxiety gets lifted off her when she meets someone with the exact same vibe as hers - yeah you guessed it.

Requested by @monizzle96 Hi dear! Thank you so much for your wonderful request! I’m so terribly sorry it’s taken me so long to write and post it but here it finally is! I hope you come across it and read it and if so I hope you enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

This has to be the fiftieth time I’ve checked my setup in the past twenty four hours. But no, I’m definitely not nervous, what are you talking about. Pshhh. Nah, being nervous isn’t in my brand. Plus, what do I have to make me nervous - a group of famous streamers inviting me onto their stream to play Among Us with them because they enjoyed my own streams? Ok yeah, that’s a pretty good reason. Not gonna lie, I almost chucked my phone out of excitement when I received that DM from Toast, telling me they’d picked me to be their guest streamer for today’s date. My stomach was doing somersaults for a good forty-eight hours following that text and then the anxiety slowly started setting in fueled by the expectations they probably have of me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not inexperienced in the streaming field, I’ve been a streamer longer than some of the members of Toast’s streamer gang actually. But I never managed to garner that big of a following which I’m honestly quite ok with. I have a modest - ok, maybe larger than modest - following consisting of incredibly loyal fans which I will never stop being grateful for. They are all so respectable of me, my privacy and my boundaries. They know the main rules: no shit-talking in the chat or in any of my comment sections, no bashing other YouTubers in my comments/chat, and most definitely not asking for a face reveal. Fun fact: I didn’t even set up that last rule, they all just collectively know not to ask for it. 

I’ve been keeping my brand pretty low-key to avoid garnering some unwanted attention - some of which I’ve already experienced on certain social media platforms following the full body pictures I posted on there - face not visible of course. I tend to also have my webcam on, facing towards my hands working away on the keyboard sometimes when I stream. I don’t know why people obsess over faceless content creators’ hands, but I appreciate the enthusiasm - it also drives me to do a manicure every now and then which ain’t so bad, self-care and all that you know.

Now, back to the subject of my ridiculous nervousness.

You see, it has layers.

I’m nervous of ‘preforming’ underwhelmingly and I’m nervous of what my own fans will think of the person I will become during this stream. They know me as a super chill and laid-back person, which I am by the way, but they might think I’m putting on a show if I exhibit any nervous gestures/vocabulary. I highly doubt they would, but the possibility is not letting my mind rest. And now that it’s about ten minutes till the stream starts, I’m getting doing my best to calm my nerves.

They are all just people. You know they are super chill too. Just be yourself, that’s why they invited you, because you are yourself on all your streams. They liked you for your personality, humor, maybe even your gaming skills. So chill the hell out and be yourself, damn it!

Easier thought than put into action that’s for sure.

I start my stream five minutes early just so I can vibe with my viewers for a little while before I have to meet the gang. My fans always have a way of injecting me with confidence, they remind me of where I was when I started and how far I’ve come. How much I achieved when I thought I’d be nothing and no one, someone the algorithm would simply overlook. But then they entered my life and I entered theirs and it all became much better than I ever thought it would get to be. I rarely tell myself ‘good job’ for the milestones I’ve reached or the hard work I’ve put into my content, but that’s probably cause I orient myself based on that quote from the movie Whiplash: ‘There are no two words in the English language more harmful than good job’ - simply put, I’m never satisfied with what I do and I always strive to do better. My fans, however, make sure I don’t go overboard with it - always serving as a reminder that I’ve done plenty for myself and others. And that’s what makes an amazing fandom, one I consider family.

Whoa, when did those five minutes fly by?!

Ah shit, here we go. Deep breaths, Y/N you got this.

“Hello!“ I say as I enter the Discord call, subconsciously biting my lower lip, grateful the camera isn’t capturing it. However, I make a mental note to keep my hands steady cause that’s the one part of me people can actually see and the last thing I want is for them to see how much my fingers are trembling.

“Oh hi, Y/N!“ Toast is the first one to greet me, “Welcome to the stream! Thank you so much for accepting our invitation.“

“Thank you for having me and inviting me, Toast. This is a huge deal for me. You guys are basically YouTube legends, this is unreal to me.“ I reply, cringing immediately afterwards because of my fangirl rambling. Great way to make first impressions, Y/N. Bravo.

To be fair, they already have an impression of you. Quit stressing.

Aright, you’ve got a point, me.

“Oh please, we owe all that to our fans. We’re really nothing special. All streamers are almost completely alike, we all owe where we are to the people who helped us make it there - our fans. We’re no legends.“ Toast says, bringing a small smile to my face as well as a light pink blush to my cheeks, “And from what I’ve seen, you yourself have quite the following. And your fans seem to adore you.“

“And I absolutely adore them.“ I chuckle, “They mean the world to me. They are the reason I’m here today.”

“Then we have to give them a special thank you, don’t you think?“ The teasing, familiar giggle, widens my smile - it’s Rae, “Nice to meet you, Y/N! I’m Rae, and, no cap, I’m quite a fan of your content. No joke, I binged your entire series of Resident Evil 7 as soon as I found your channel when Toast said he’d invite you.“

This rattles me a bit. I can hardly believe it - am I really receiving a compliment from an A-list name in the streaming world? My fans must be hella proud of me right now. A quick glance at my chat confirms that they indeed are. That in and of itself fills me with joy and newfound confidence.

“Oh Gosh, thank you so much Rae! That means the world to me. You’re all so sweet.“ I reply, lifting my ice cold hands to cool down my burning cheeks, my lips spread into a grin, my stomach filled with butterflies.

“Oh please, we have some real savages around here.“ A male voice, seemingly Charlie’s scoffs, “Don’t overlook us please.“

“Wait, we do?“ A deep voice, one I immediately know the owner of speaks up, “Who? How come I don’t know about that?“

I can’t help bust snort, “Nice to meet you, Corpse. Sarcasm central, I see.”

He laughs, “Just returning it to where it’s due. Nice to meet you too, Y/N. Sick Outlast series, by the way.“

Ok, wait, I have two A-list streamers complimenting my content. Ok, I’m bound to crack open a few beers to celebrate later cause OH MY GOD.

“Thanks! I’m a horror junkie so I’d be lying if I said I haven’t binge watched all your story-times. Personal favorites are the deep web ones, they fascinate me.“

“Oh, you’re one of my kind even more than I expected, huh?“ He replies, the tone of his voice changing, raising a bit due to what I can only describe as excitement and enthusiasm. “I’ve had people tell me it’s twisted, but I really like seeing the lengths to which the fucked up human mind can go to. Like, the shit I’ve read is insane! Some stories I didn’t narrate cause I would’ve probably had my video taken down, it was that messed up.“

My eyes widen, sharing the same excitement at the thought of digging deeper into this phenomenon, “Careful, Corpse, you’re walking a dangerous line of tempting me to deep-dive on Reddit in search of those exact stories.”

“No need.“ Corpse says, his tone now taking up a bit of a cocky note, “I still got them all saved, I can send them to you no problem.“

“Please do! I seriously gotta read them now. If I can’t sleep afterwards, I’m blaming you, Corpse. Just FYI.“ I say, giggling slightly, finding myself all but completely comfortable now. I wonder where all that anxiety went? 

“Blame fully taken. Given that I’m not much of a sleeper, I’ll keep you company whenever you think there’s a killer hiding in your closet or fear a red room pop-up will appear on your computer screen.“ He replies, chuckling.

“Um, that’s oddly specific.“ Charlie comments, “Been there yourself, buddy?”

“Perhaps.“ Corpse wheezes, getting a laugh out of me too, “I will neither confirm nor deny.“

“You know what, I’ll just private message you my number so if you see it call you at some ungodly hour, you don’t freak the fuck out. Sounds good?“ I ask, already prepping to type it out and send it to him. 

“Perfect. Wait...“ he pauses for a second, sounding puzzled for a second, “You don’t have mine.“

“Oh, do I not?“ I reply with a sinister tone - thought to answer the question, I of course don’t have his number.

“Oh, do you?“ He sasses me right back. “If so then you don’t need me to send it to you. Cool.“

Ah, shit

“Wait, no! I-I need to confirm it’s the correct one!“

Damn, never did I think I’d be complimented by some of the most important streamers on this platform, but to get a number of theirs too? That’s a whole another level that will take me time to process. But I’ll do that another time, right now, I have to kick these people’s butts in Among Us and later I have some deep web stories to read.

Turns out, all it takes to get comfortable in a new surrounding is someone of your kind. And Corpse is definitely one of my kind.

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse

[naancypants]

1x13 “The Whisper Box” analysis

“I am stuck in a dream of my perfect life” 

This is one of the first things Nancy says after realizing she is in an alternate reality, confirming for the audience that what we’re seeing is essentially, in Nancy’s mind, what would be a perfect world. If she could take the life she currently has and turn it into what she considers her perfect reality - this is how everything would look.

That established, let’s dive in.

The first and most obvious difference is that Kate Drew is still alive and cancer-free. What I find fascinating is that in Nancy’s ideal reality, her mom does still have a cancer scare - but what makes this so great for our heroine is how it draws upon the most earth-shattering event of her life and alters the ending. It’s much more poignant for her this way, because instead of eliminating a negative situation altogether, this scenario rectifies it, vicariously allowing Nancy to relish in the flood of relief she always wanted.

This universe sheds some light not only on Nancy's emotional attachment to Kate, but also her attachment to Kate’s death. Ever since she lost her mom there was a dark cloud over her life. Nancy’s key to escaping this head trip of hers (and moving forward from her grief) was to say a final goodbye to her mother - something she never got to do in real life - and this, in an ironic and bittersweet fashion, grants Nancy closure and peace. She had to let go of her heart to find her way home.

Carson is only painted in a positive light here, because at this point in the show she has finally arrived at a good place with her dad. She feels grateful for that and would not change anything about him or their relationship.

We learn that in this universe she doesn’t even know Nick yet, let alone have a romantic history with him; they do, however, still exhibit their prior pattern of experiencing and acting on their chemistry. This is not a surprise given Nancy’s emotional state in real life. Nick was the one to initiate their break-up, so while he still cares deeply for Nancy, Nancy is the one who was blindsided/rocked the hardest by their split. The show makes it clear she isn’t over Nick at this point in the timeline, so it’s not surprising that being with him is part of her ideal reality. Their never having met in the beginning is symbolic of Nancy’s desire to start over with him. She has a lot of regret regarding how she handled things with Nick and would love a clean slate to conduct a do-over.

Another notable point - in the real world, Nancy has recently caught Nick and George together in some 👀 moments. Given that she still has feelings for Nick, it makes sense that his fast-tracked bonding with George might bother her on some level. Hence, in her perfect life, Nick and George have already dated and ended things on a sour note. One less thing for Nancy to worry about.

In Nancy’s perfect life, George is more open and affectionate. I find this super sweet. By now Nancy has really come to value George’s friendship and she simply wishes that George wasn’t so weighed down with stress and emotional walls. Therefore this version of George is happy, carefree, and fully comfortable in her own skin - they also appear to be much closer in terms of friendship.

I’d like to reiterate now that Nancy’s perfect world is first and foremost founded on her reality. With that in mind, rather than changing all the details of Bess’s life to grant her something more favorable than living out of a van, she simply wishes for her friend to make the most of the situation. In this universe we see Bess living it up, embracing her unusual lifestyle for everything that it is, and also having become a social media star. Here she is positively glowing. Nancy’s greatest wish for Bess is to be happy, thriving, and free from anxiety.

On multiple occasions in this episode it’s mentioned that Ace is pretty much the same. This show in its earlier stages often treated Ace as the ‘comic relief’, so a very shallow reading of this episode could dismiss these as throwaway lines; but given Nancy’s psychological revelations regarding literally everyone else, I truly don’t believe his role would be so trivial. Therefore, without getting TOO dramatic or shippy about it 😜, I think what we can take from this is that there’s genuinely nothing about Ace that Nancy wishes were any different. From where she’s standing, he seems content with who he is and has become an important part of her inner circle (per 1x08, she considers him her friend). I think that Ace is still maybe a bit of a background player for her at this point (remember this is pre-library scene), but he’s such a steady and dependable one that there’s nothing about him she would want to change.

Ryan Hudson is a charitable man who is doing The Most for Horseshoe Bay, using his power and influence only for good. This is the man Nancy wishes Ryan was, instead of the one who’s made countless destructive decisions and caused far more harm than good. Plus, a smaller detail, but Ryan’s hair is much more natural and un-moussed in this reality because he is unconcerned with upholding a certain image per his family name (and, if we expand our thinking here, this version of Ryan may have cut ties with his family completely). Ryan is more comfortable with himself here, as there is no overhanging sense of guilt re: Lucy Sable or even Tiffany.

Lucy is still present via the ghost under the sheet, taking the form of Hannah Gruen and dropping Nancy the clues she needs to further her investigation. Nancy’s connection with Lucy is far too strong to be broken by any universe - but since both Kate Drew AND Tiffany Hudson are alive in this timeline, it’s unlikely that Nancy would know much at all about Lucy Sable. Therefore she doesn’t make any physical appearances.

It says a lot about Nancy at her core that so much of her ‘perfect life’ is about everyone around her being happier, healthier. And based on Nancy’s surprise at the idea that “you all like me” in this universe, it appears that she does still struggle with some of the anxiety her mother said she had. Of COURSE her friends like her, but it tells us a little something about Nancy’s inner world and psychology. I think that detail is a GREAT take on the Nancy Drew character. It makes her a little more vulnerable without removing any of her courage, her boldness, or her strength.

[makeste]

some meta about Izuku, Katsuki, and trust

and choosing to trust is the real bridge that goes to accepting that person as a part of your live again and what the offender has to earn. I think the interesting aspect of Deku and Bakugou's relationship is that Deku has always trusted Bakugou, and I would say more than he had forgiven him at the start of the story (where he does show more frustration and resentment towards Bakugou's behaviour and see him as a jerk) but despite that he can always trust Bakugou to him himself, attested to

the fact that Deku feels very confident about how Bakugou will act or what Bakugou's true motives are and probably the reason why he always sees Bakugou as a hero despite his hurtful behaviour is because Deku 100% trusts Bakugou even if he's doing something disagreeable or that will hurt him. Knowing someone and trusting is not exactly the same and I see it as trust because of Deku willingness to be co-operative. On Bakugou's side he is mistrustful of Deku and thats where the communication

breaks down and there has been plenty of meta exploring why Bakugou has deep rooted problems around Deku and his journey is him taking accountability of that and changing to be a better person. While understanding and miscommunication get their fair due I think trust and mistrust are the true bedrocks of the bkdk river bed because that allows for how they can still be so connected despite the miscommunication (with Bakugou mistrust is mixed with some trust) because of knowing.

anon I really enjoyed this, thank you for sharing your thoughts! I concur with just about all of this, and this ask got me thinking a lot about the nature of trust, and how it applies to Izuku and Katsuki’s relationship.

I think a lot of people’s reactions to reading the sentence “Bakugou and Deku have always trusted each other” would pretty much be, “???” and “lol what.” like, yeah, sure. they trusted each other so much that Bakugou decided that throwing a tantrum for ten years would be an appropriate reaction to Deku trying to hold his hand. classic Trust, right there!!

lol but I honestly think this is true, though. it’s just that there are different... levels?? types?? of trust. let’s go with types. there are different types of trust, and what makes Izuku and Katsuki’s relationship so interesting to me is that it’s kind of the opposite of what these fictional rival-type relationships usually are. it’s basically the difference between knowing, and understanding.

okay so first of all let’s back up here to make sure we’re all on the same page. we’re defining trust as “firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone”, which is the Oxford Language definition and which works pretty well for me. you’ll note, btw, that the current relationship between Katsuki and Izuku more or less meets all four of these criteria.

reliability - both boys regard each other as dependable and are willing to rely on each other in a pinch (although Izuku is currently having some difficulty with that, but that’s another topic for another day).

truth - both are honest with each other, though not completely honest (this is the aspect that Katsuki still needs to work on, as he’s currently hiding his desire to atone).

ability - neither of them have any difficulty with this. Izuku admires Katsuki’s ability so much that he’s made it his own gold standard since childhood, and Katsuki respects Izuku’s ability enough that he made him his main rival, and never doubted that Izuku was qualified to receive OFA and become All Might’s heir.

strength - as with ability, this is another aspect of trust that neither of them has ever struggled with. in fact, a lot of their relationship struggles happened specifically because Katsuki never doubted Izuku’s strength, but feared it because he didn’t understand it.

so yeah. there’s a lot more trust between them than most people realize, I think. but the thing is that the type of trust they have is based more on knowing than understanding, and that’s where so much of their conflict stems from.

when I say knowing, I’m talking about the kind of awareness that comes from familiarity and experience. this is the type of trust that’s difficult to take shortcuts with, because it mostly just has to be accumulated over time. this is all about learning what someone is like through observing them and being around them. and it’s just as much about being known as well, because at the same time that you’re learning who the other person is, they’re learning about who you are. and that’s where trust starts to work its way in. it’s the slow unveiling of who you are, and laying it on the table piece by piece over time. and every time another little piece of you is revealed and accepted, and every time you accept one more piece of who the other person is in turn, that trust increases a little bit more. this type of trust takes a long, long time to build up, but in exchange the foundation it creates is pretty much rock-solid and nigh-indestructible.

understanding, on the other hand, to me is more instinctual. it’s about empathy and insight. and the interesting thing is that it’s possible to know someone for years upon years, and yet never truly understand them. and on the flip side, it’s also possible to understand someone within minutes of meeting them, even if you know almost nothing about them. if “knowing” is about learning who someone is, I would say that “understanding” is about learning why they are who they are. this type of trust isn’t necessarily always mutual, but it does necessitate forming a connection with someone. because empathy is such a critical component of it, it’s basically impossible to understand someone and not form an emotional connection to them in some way. this type of trust can be far more powerful and intense than the “knowing” type of trust, but the flip side is that it can sometimes be less stable and easier to break.

I think that the majority of fictional relationships, especially the ones that become really popular ships, are based more around the latter type of trust because of its intensity and unpredictability and potential for story development. the thing is, both of these types of trust are necessary for a good ship (and when I say “ship”, I’m talking about both romantic and platonic relationships just fyi). if neither type of trust is present on at least some level, then there’s really no foundation to start building up the relationship. so most of the time a ship will start out with one or the other, and then over the course of the story they'll work on building up whichever one was lacking.

and because of how stories work, the majority of the time we’re going to be dealing with characters who at first don’t know each other all that well. and so the relationships we get are ones where the characters first form some kind of emotional connection that builds understanding, and then over time they start to learn more about each other and build up that kind of trust as well. I feel like 90% of ships have this kind of dynamic. it’s the basis for things like enemies-to-lovers, fake dating AUs, and basically any kind of trope in which the characters get stuck somewhere and are forced to spend a lot of time together. it’s good, and it works.

but the fascinating thing about the relationship between Izuku and Katsuki, though, is that it’s actually the exact opposite of this. the premise of Izuku and Katsuki's story is that these are two people who’ve known each other their entire lives, but have almost no understanding of each other whatsoever. they know almost every little detail about each other, so much that they hardly even think about it. but all of their conflict is based on the fact that understanding between them is basically nonexistent.

and to me this is such an intriguing dynamic. the two of them know each other like the back of their hand. they’re familiar with the smallest habits. they can predict each other’s actions. they know how the other person thinks. and they have the kind of trust that comes with having seen the other at both their best and their worst. Katsuki is capable of letting his guard down around Izuku in a way he doesn’t do around anyone else. he cries in front of him on multiple occasions. he lets Izuku call him “Kacchan” long after their other childhood friends have stopped doing so. and even though he fears and resents Izuku’s strength early on, he also subconsciously acknowledges it in ways that even he doesn’t realize (e.g. “don’t you dare get into U.A.,” rather than “you can’t get in” or “you won’t get in”). he knows Izuku.

but he doesn’t understand Izuku. he knows who he is, but he doesn’t understand why. he knows that Izuku is strong, but he can't wrap his head around the nature of that strength. and because he lacks that understanding, this vital aspect of the trust between them is lacking, and is all too easily broken when Katsuki falls into the creek and Izuku tries to offer his help. Katsuki knows that Izuku is a good person, but he doesn’t understand that goodness, that selflessness, and so he’s mistrustful of it.

on the flip side of the coin, however, Izuku has the utmost faith in Katsuki. to him, Katsuki is the strongest, smartest, most capable and most amazing person in the world (aside from All Might). and Izuku, unlike Katsuki, actually does understand his childhood friend at least a little bit. he understands Katsuki’s reasons for wanting to be a hero. he understands that Katsuki is not just mindlessly pursuing strength. he understands that Katsuki’s motivation is about overcoming obstacles and beating challenges. and most importantly, he understands that Katsuki, in spite of everything he’s said and done to Izuku over the years, is fundamentally a good person.

and this is crucial. because, along with the bond of familiarity they’ve built up together over the years, it’s this other, one-sided bond of understanding that is responsible for their relationship enduring for as long as it did despite everything. as you put it, anon, Izuku’s trust is ultimately what becomes the bridge between them. on some level, he trusts in Katsuki’s innate goodness. he believes in it in spite of all of Katsuki’s attempts to persuade him otherwise. e.g. when Katsuki suggests that he go jump off the roof, Izuku is hurt by the words, but he never once takes them to heart, because he knows on some instinctive level that Katsuki doesn’t mean them. and so he grumbles to himself about Katsuki needing to think before he speaks, but aside from that he never gives the words another thought.

Katsuki would no doubt consider this yet another example of Izuku not caring enough about himself or taking himself into account. but it really is more than that. the reason the words don’t cut deep in spite of them being vicious and well-targeted is simply because Izuku knows that Katsuki isn't truly that cruel. and he knows that on a level so deep that Katsuki is never able to break it despite his best efforts. he can’t break it, because there’s nothing to break, because it’s true. the reason the relationship endures in spite of everything is because deep down Katsuki is fundamentally a good person, and so Izuku’s trust, in the end, is based on truth. and so it never fully breaks, and eventually, it becomes reciprocated.

and that’s what their story is all about. it’s two people that have known each other their entire lives, but have to work in order to build their understanding of each other. unlike many ships, they start off already having that foundation of knowing and being known, and so their story instead is about forging that connection of empathy and insight. and it doesn’t come easily to them at all. but they keep at it.

anyway, so thank you again for sharing your thoughts on this, anon. I didn’t even get into the topic of forgiveness, but I agree with you about it being a process of letting go of negative feelings and resentment. I also agree that forgiveness is a separate thing from trust, but I do think trust plays a big part in one’s decision to forgive or not forgive. it's a lot easier to forgive if you have an understanding of the other person’s actions. and it’s also far, far easier to forgive if the offender’s actions are long in the past. and because the latter is now true in Katsuki’s case, that shows a pattern of him learning from his mistakes and not repeating them. which further builds trust, especially in the “reliability” department. and so even though forgiveness and trust are two separate things, they’re still connected. and in many ways, by working to rebuild the understanding between him and Izuku, Katsuki is also working towards earning Izuku’s forgiveness, even though that’s ultimately something that can never truly be earned, but can only be granted.

I’m not sure if I’m really making my point very clear here lol, but basically what I’m trying to say is that while the relationship may have once been one-sided in this aspect, it’s not anymore. it’s mutual, and they’re both putting the work in. and Katsuki is also doing his part without any guarantee or expectation of forgiveness on Izuku’s end. it’s unconditional. he’s doing it because he wants to atone. and he’ll continue to do it whether he’s forgiven or not. and that’s important. it’s important because it shows that the relationship has value to both of them. and it’s important because neither of them wants to lose it. they want to fix it; they want to make it stronger.

and ultimately what that means is that the relationship will continue to endure, despite their ups and downs. because even though it may have started out as something incidental -- two boys who just happened to become friends because they spent a lot of time together as children -- it’s not, anymore. it’s no longer just something that happened, something that just accidentally came together. it’s something that they’re both working to build. they want to trust each other. they want to understand one another. their relationship is no longer something that simply withstood and persisted -- it’s something that is now being nurtured. and you love to see it.

so let's see, how do I even begin to tl;dr this post lol. something something blah blah blah trust, understanding, childhood friends, knowing someone, having faith in someone, being the recipient of that faith, and working to become worthy of it. they're very confused, but they care about each other a lot, and they are good boys.

[dreamylyfe-x]

Your trevor meta is making me realize how weird it is that the writers and cast were so insistent that mickey wasn't coming back, because I don't think theyve ever really known what to do with ian's story without him. They put him in these lukewarm relationships and tell us they're so much better and healthier, but then have ian straight up admit that he still loves mickey and nobody else has made him feel the same way. How do they set that up and then have him go back to trevor? They set up ian moving on with "I'm not that person anymore" and follow up with season 8. It's like okay...who he is now is gay Jesus? Lmao. He's always been the shows forgotten middle child and after they wrote mickey off "for good" they could have taken him in a million directions but they chose one so shitty it basically made cam leave lmao. Sometimes it feels like fan insistence kind of forced mickey back but in actuality, the seasons where he's gone just hammer home that he was always the inevitable end to ian's story. So bizarre how little the showrunners understand their own story sometimes.

Ok. I’m going to be a little more Doylist here than I usually am, because we’re talking about what the writers are thinking. And I’m also going to take this opportunity to share this fascinating article from the AV Club in 2016: When Fan Engagement Goes Wrong. Everyone beware, it contains significant spoilers for The 100. But it’s also largely about Gallavich, the fact that online promotion of Shameless leaned hard into the popularity of the couple, and were up against it when Noel left. I’ll quote: 

“[Supervising Producer Shelia] Callaghan’s choice to be honest and straightforward when engaging with fans is admirable, and yet also on some level futile. She can’t tell them exactly why Fisher chose to leave, she is (logically) unwilling to spoil future storylines outright, and she can only speak her own mind as part of a collaborative process over which she holds only some influence. So while many fans respect her effort to maintain the connection to this now marginalized community, others attack, reinforcing that attempting to manage these situations is a full-time job that no one has been properly trained for.” 

This article links some tweets and the one I find the most interesting is this one:

“But the actor left.  So...what to do? Have them just break up?? Felt way less true to me than a forced separation!” 

That tweet is from Krista Vernoff, who wanted to convey that they tried really hard to come up with what they do with Ian now that he’d lost Mickey. And I’m sure they did try really hard. And.... People hated it. Mostly. 

Here’s what I think, based on what I’ve read and the interviews I’ve seen, on deleted tweets and Tumblr rumours and YouTube clips: The show didn’t want Mickey to leave the canvas. At all. Noel wanted more money. The show could not come up with both that money and the money they needed for everyone else. The show let him go. And hoped they could solve the creative problem their budgetary problem had dumped in their lap. 

I actually think Ian’s story in season six is decent. I miss Mickey, of course. I find the last scene with him really painful -- but it’s not painful because the show is trying to diminish him. They write and then cut together a scene where Mickey is DEMONSTRATIVELY still deeply in love with Ian. He’s carved his name in his chest. He is looking at Ian like he’s the most beautiful creature ever given breath. And Ian can barely meet his gaze. They tell us Mickey is being sent away for 16 years but when we see the last of Mickey Milkovich in season six I think “God, this is so sad. They love each other so much and this is so fucked up.” 

I do NOT think “We are NEVER EVER EVER getting back together.” 

The show always knew what it had with Ian and Mickey. They leaned into it promotionally. They gave meaty storylines to the characters, particularly given that Ian was the fourth lead on a family dramedy built around six children. John Wells replaced Aaron Sorkin on The West Wing. He knows how hard it is to follow a phenomenon. 

The more I think about it, honestly? I don’t think they tried. I think they knew that they couldn’t bring in Mickey Milkovich, the sequel in season six, so they brought in Caleb. And maybe they meant for him to be a LITTLE more viable than he was... but I think there’s a pretty good chance they were just throwing something at the wall to see if it stuck, while being fully aware that the important storyline in season six was getting Ian from despair to a fulfilling career. Caleb was just there as a catalyst. 

Season seven if more interesting, because Trevor is brought on and it’s very much... “Hey, let’s do something new. Let’s bring on a transmasc character and put him into a relationship with Ian and explore those complications.” 

“Great! Put it up on the board!” 

“Also. Let’s call Noel Fisher’s people and see what we can work out because we can do better with Mickey’s send off and people are yelling at me on the street about it.” 

Quite honestly, these are not equal tasks for his writer’s room. You have one story -- Create a whole ass new character. The only thing we know is that he’s trans. Figure out the romance from there. You have six episodes to get them together as an established couple. 

Then: Bring back the well-established and beloved character for an epic romantic two-episode arc where he reunites with his true love and they run away together and then ultimately realize it cannot be, and say goodbye and it all feels like I Will Always Love You should be playing in the background. They actors worked together for five years. They have a great professional partnership. They like working together. They have a ton of history so there’s lots of juicy subtext. The longing and sexual tension comes pre-established. See what you can do. 

HOW do you make both those things work out so that they are equal? You need lightening to strike. And that already happened on How I Met Your Mother. They squandered their good luck and now there is none left for Shameless. I do not disparage Elliot Fletcher at all when I say that for Trevor and Ian to really work he’d have had to have come with scorching chemistry with Cam, rich material that really gave them a good opportunity to build rapport between the characters, and A wizard standing by to cast spells in the wings. They had SIX episodes, a pretty average connection between the actors, and the “these are the LGBTQ+ people in your neighbourhood” scene. 

I just can’t believe that someone with as many years of TV writing under his belt as John Wells has expected that to work. He hoped the Trevor story might be good, and was certainly going to break some ground in terms of telling trans stories. And the Mickey story was going to be the highlight, because he knew people wanted it and he also knew that they’d had something pretty special to start with. Which is why people were yelling at him at Comic-Con. I DO think he hoped it might placate fans a bit. But... he wasn’t going to completely close the door on Mickey this time, either. 

So... I don’t really think the show every intended to write Mickey off “for good”. I think they wrote him off “for now, and we’ll see what happens...” -- and they did that with Karen, Shelia, Jody, Steve and Fiona, too. They only brought a few of those people back... They brought Mickey back three times. They ended Gallavich FOUR times. Noel is in ever season except eight. I don’t think they wanted Mickey gone -- but I KNOW the fans also made it pretty hard for them not to know his value, so absolutely I think that played a role. But when you create something people love and you get that lightening in a bottle like they did with this story, I think writers are always going to be excited to get that back. They like praise! They like people to be excited about their show. And Gallavich was always one of the things that got people excited about Shameless. 

I think they also wanted Gay Jesus to be a great story. But that’s why the lightening in the bottle is so valuable. You can’t just get it anywhere.