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hwaightme · 2 years ago

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Grilled Cheese Philosophy

🥪 pairing: demon!wooyoung x reader 🥪 genre: angst, dark, comfort, soulmates, angel/demon 🥪 summary: Abstaining from a cruel reality became your one goal, and around every corner you searched for an escape from the turmoil. Until a certain soul-searching demon showed up at your door, adamant to make himself a part of your life. 🥪 wordcount: 14k 🥪 warnings/tags: TW MINORS DNI, su!cide attempt, discussion of ed, depression, discussion of death, demon woo, fallen angel woo, soulmates, reincarnation, souls, slow burn, lmk if anything!🥪 a/n: Hello <3 this fic has very heavy themes so reader discretion is advised. Watching Wooyoung's performance to 'Logic - 1-800-273-8255' I felt a call to rework a fic I had, and thanks to senpai-of-doom was motivated add light in an otherwise dark progression. Remember, you matter, you are loved -"you are never alone and you will never be". Love you all, biggest hugs. P.S.: the song quoted is 'She's In The Rain' by The Rose.

“I had a guy sell his soul to me for some toast.”

“Wait a second, really?” You were bewildered. It had never occurred to you that someone would make a deal with the literal devil for such a simple food.

“I say that…” the demon sitting across from you paused, inspected the cuticles on his left hand and sighed, “…but it was not exactly for a single piece of toast. That would make the story unbelievably funny though, I wish it were the case!” To be frank, you were a little disappointed. You had expected more from your interlocutor’s chaotic line of work. “No, what this guy wanted was to have some, quote on quote, mad toast-making skills. I was not sure for what, but then he laid out his whole plan of making the best grilled cheese in the country and opening a grilled cheese food truck and touring around, watching people queue up for something only he could make well… It was enthralling.”

You could only raise your eyebrows and eye your rapidly cooling cup of tea. After earning a questioning glare from the devil, you realised that he was waiting for polite encouragement to continue conversation. You woke yourself up from your daze and hummed once, as if in thought.

“So, what happened then, did you give him the toast?”

“Here’s the fun bit. Well, I say fun, but it was more routine really. I go, ‘why not just ask to be a genius grilled cheese chef?’, genuinely curious, but he was adamant about just having the toast be done right every time. He rejected the heavier deal flat out. I go ‘you are going to miss out on being the biggest name in the grilled cheese world you so love’ and he goes ‘you see, the world is nothing if you have no problem at all’. I did not get what he meant then, but when the deal was over and done with, it made total sense. What this guy effectively did, was got a tailored eternal struggle that he could manage. The bread was guaranteed to be perfect, but the cheese provided him a sufficient challenge to remain interested in what he was doing.” The devil took a break to take a bite out of his, no, your almond croissant, and rather unceremoniously wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

You clasped your hands around the mug more strongly, feeling the last bits of warmth seep away from the untouched beverage. You had no appetite or thirst left in your body, for you believed that it was far more fascinating having control over the decay of your being, especially now that you had been honoured with the audience of an otherworldly power. The devil was rather displeased that you had decided to take the matter into your own hands and go down the path of escaping life without promising him a reward, but you saw no need in making sudden deals. It was your innate passiveness and newly acquired apathy to all things living that prevented you from choosing anything at all.

Even now, you were not motivated to conjure a response for this episode from the devil’s past deals. Instead, you sank into a comfortable silence, enjoying the growing irritation the ‘young man’ was unprofessionally revealing. One tap, followed by two, then one, then three, repeat. A rhythm void of compassion for the mute. Demanding. The devil had nice nails, something you had not noticed before – the only musing to appear in the abyss that was your abandoned mental palace. Whenever your conversations would come to a halt it was as if time stopped. It was holding its breath until one of you would throw an argument into the air and continue the word game. You desired some time in solitude, so you happily challenged the devil with your skilled ignorance of social cues.

The devil exhaled sharply and rolled his eyes, displeased with the death of another attempt to get on your ‘good side’ and stood up. He readjusted his suit jacket and ran a hand through his sleek locks. Like an actor leaving the stage, the demon guest exited the tiny kitchen and turned right, undoubtedly, to check himself in the tiny bathroom mirror, then to disappear behind an old door for two or so hours – his idea of a power nap. For a taker of souls, he surely was too predictable, no matter how his appearance and character attempted to detract from his fondness for structure and patterns. Over the last few days while the devil began to spend longer hours indoors playing the role of a ‘caring friend’ you had the opportunity to grasp the general metaphorical spirit of this ‘man’. In any discussion he had his distinct style. An ebb and flow of the spoken tides, beginning with a head-on collision with either question or proclamation, followed by provoking interrogation and, finally, a theatrical departure once his true goal had been reached.

Nothing was ever direct with the devil. Otherwise, why would you be walking on eggshells when he was talking about grilled cheese? Whenever you got too invested in any of the deviant’s tales, you would remind yourself that the heroes of those stories were, at that exact moment, burning in the deepest pits of hell and feeling the unbearable weight of sin on their shoulders. Then the interest evaporated as quickly as it had popped into your thoughts. Although you must admit, this anecdote was quite amusing. So amusing that you might make a short note of it when the devil would be in his own version of dreaming.

He had explained to you before that the reason he slept so much was so he could preserve his youthfulness, vigour and striking looks, to which you sarcastically replied with the term ‘beauty sleep’, but he misinterpreted it as an honest attempt at relating to his lifestyle. That day, you had involuntarily boosted his already overinflated ego by somehow leading the devil to believe that he was beautiful, and that all of his actions were just how he had expected: rational and justified. You only wondered what beauty there was in him to sleep for.

The devil was not what one would call classically ‘handsome’. As a matter of fact, on your first meeting he insisted that the term ‘devilishly handsome’ was horrendously misleading and the perfect example of a human-conjured myth. Completely out of the bounds of what the media and the average person found appealing, the devil had a total disregard for following mortal aesthetic trends, thereby making his appearance quite jarring. Those to walk past him on the street, would undoubtedly gawk at him and be intrigued by him, and yet, feel unsettled. As though they were prey that had just nearly escaped an apex predator. Of course, he could easily turn up his charms and seduce to his non-existent heart’s content, but that was only if he saw personal gain or needed to fuel his arrogance. Other than that, he was a cold professional.

It was mainly the eyes that gave his true nature away. Eyes that knew. Eyes that were detached from mortality and morality, fixated on business which only he knew. Those unfortunate enough to peer into those eyes would be awestruck to find the deepest chasm of nothing. Not a hint of a personality or a soul, only well-trained responses, and the ideal formula to get an individual talking. That was what the demon had meant when he explained that no devil could be handsome, only frightening.

After making sure that you would not meet the devil in the corridor by waiting for the lock of your guest room, you pushed your chair back and in one motion spun out of it and to the sink, where you watched dark brown, murky liquid pour out of your stained mug you had gotten as a present – a souvenir from The Netherlands. After many years of use and scrubbing the design had faded, leaving only mysterious silhouettes and hints of windmills. Not in the mood to wash up, you left the piece of ceramic to wait for you in the basin and wiped your hands on your trousers. Unlike the devil, your whole disposition and outer image was the closest a human could get to transparency. Your pallid, gaunt face with watery irises that stared out into a bleak grey landscape you had constructed out of your days.

The fiend was a dark-haired lad with a cheeky grin, toned body and a manner of constantly fluctuating between flamboyancy and eccentricity. His pinstripe suit - a tad too big, with a bright crimson handkerchief sticking out of the pocket, messily stuffed and creased. This devil’s eyes were entrancing, even though he had said there was no emotion to see. Not that he would ever hear you admit that you liked them. Deep-set, almond shaped, glowing. A dark, alluring shimmer. If eyes were normally windows to the soul, his were closer to one-way mirror quality. It was the confident stare that had gotten him past the door frame when he showed up in front of your apartment last week.

Inviting himself into your home, the devil acted as if he was an old friend of yours, or like an auntie with a spectacular ability to nag her way through any and all interactions. When you crept out of your apartment and went down to fetch the mail your neighbours had inquired after a certain cousin of yours who was ‘such a charming young man’ and how he showed ‘great promise in the creative arts’. You had to refrain from responding with a guffaw, instead meekly nodding and imagining an actual relative of yours. Last you had heard from San he was working at a beach resort in Mallorca; one of the more adventurous members of your family, he was the only one to bear any resemblance to your unwanted guest, so you did not miss him at all.

San would be the sort of man to think of starting a grilled cheese business. The devil and him would get along well, or it would be more correct to say the devil would find a good client in him. ‘A simple-minded hedonist with no care for the future’, that was what the devil had described ‘deal material’ to be. Truly distant from what you could offer, leading you to question his motives. But he had insisted that you had the potential, and it was only a matter of time before you realised just how much more you could achieve if only you had the devil’s helping hand. You had flatly replied that you hated any form of contact and had departed to your bedroom without a second thought. When you woke up the next morning and walked out to drink some water, the devil was standing in the same place where you had left him. Like so, he had begun hurling success story after success story at you, ceaselessly trying to convince you that soul-selling was ‘not that bad’ and was only going to increase your quality of life.

Why ask for grilled cheese when you are satisfied with a single digestive biscuit? Thatyou’re your philosophy. You need not tread on other meals when something you had tried and tested never failed you. Besides, you had nothing that you wanted to order from the devil. You did not need luck, nor love, nor riches. Your daily activities suited you, and you would not trade them for a sudden burst of foolish, false fame. You ambled down the corridor, inspecting the progress of the crack that had started on the ceiling, and now had gotten behind a painting that you had bought at a second-hand market. An amateur painting of a traditional manor, nevertheless done tastefully and with careful consideration of colour. Pleasant enough to keep in a hermit’s isolation pod.

Having forgotten to undraw the curtains you were met with darkness upon entering the bedroom. The overcast afternoon did not possess enough energy to seep through the gaps. You lazily pushed them aside, accidentally taking the tulle with it. So, you stopped to admire the evergreen outside of your window before returning everything to how it was and looking for a piece of paper and pen in the dimly lit quarters, relying on memory and a stream of light from the rest of the flat.

After settling on an old envelope and a dying pen you heavily abbreviated and paraphrased all you could recall, finishing off with:

Grilled Cheese Philosophy

You nodded and folded the envelope. Chucking the pen into the bin set under my desk you turned and lied down on your bed, hearing the springs creak and curse at you for disturbing them from their peaceful daytime slumber.

-----

Over earl grey and a finger sandwich platter you had assembled from a store-bought set, the devil and you were discussing the concept of business and management. Wooyoung, or at least that was the human name he had picked, out of the blue, for himself, assured you that devil-work was mainly paperwork, and those in his line of speciality rarely had time for the pleasure of direct customer support.

“It is unfortunate. Before, paperwork, archiving and filing was all given to the rookies, but with the increase in regulations and terms of service all of us are neck deep in bureaucratic nonsense. I mean, what’s the joy in writing out a detailed account of how a deal went down? There is no time to form your own style or identity anymore.” This stirred you out of your zoned-out state, and you stopped resting your head on your hand, instead crossing your arms and moving your head as a gesture to continue. You spotted the hint of a smirk dance on his lips, only for a moment.

“Did you know that back in the day, each demon would have their own style of soul collection? That’s right. You could tell who had a contract with who, and when it would end. Back then they really cared about the artistic details, from the devil’s mark to the contract abandonment psychosis… it was all thought through.” Your eyes narrowed at the latter term, so you did not encourage any prolongation of the monologue. Wooyoung caught on quickly, used to your quiet command and with a sip of his drink explained as-a-matter-of-factly:

“Contract abandonment psychosis is a neat thing. See, when you make a deal, that’s it. You can’t back out of it. The psychosis is icing on top of that cake – if you try to avoid your over-written fate then, basically, you start going insane. Think withdrawal symptoms dialled up to one thousand. Once client of mine tried to abandon ship straight after shaking my hand, well, it only took him a week to end up in a mental institution! That guy was unlucky by nature, he never did realise his plans, so I was one happy demon.” He finished, taking a sandwich, and eating it in one bite. You thought that on that your conversation would terminate and you could continue your luncheon to the ticking of the antique clock on the wall, but soon after washing everything down, Wooyoung continued his droning.

At that point you were merely thankful that you were not being forced to reciprocate the enthusiasm for affairs of the literal underworld. You were picking apart the tuna and cucumber sandwich you had moved to my plate, watching crumbs fall and begin to pile. A piece of tuna had managed to slide out as you tore away a bigger piece, and the vegetable’s green flesh was barely hanging on. Wooyoung was watching you, a mixture of contempt and curiosity on his face. He had already devoured two more sandwiches in the time that had passed after his miniature lecture.

“You going to eat that?” He asked, snorting.

“Do you want it?” you shot back, staring right back at him. His lips curled into a smirk, and you saw his expression darken.

“Not when your filthy hands have already contaminated it, you mortal.”

“That, I am. And suit yourself.” you responded, disregarding the threatening tone in Wooyoung’s voice, and keeping on pulling the bread to bits. Now it had become a mission to irritate the demon sitting before you as much as possible. Childish, but one of the rare pleasures.

It had already been two weeks since the beginning of your acquaintance and co-inhabitancy, so naturally you had come to learn of Wooyoung’s pet peeves. One would think that a demon could remain nonchalant for all of eternity, however it seemed that that kind was, on average, more passionate and sensitive than any human you knew. Well, aside from my odd cousin San.

Wooyoung despised loud, open-mouthed chewing. He had mentioned it when talking about one particular client who could not make their mind up about what to trade their soul for. All this over a lunch where this person would not stop chewing in ‘such a barbaric, animalistic way’ – as Wooyoung had described it. That led directly to another one of his annoyances: indecision. As a dealer, businessman, perhaps contract worker, Wooyoung liked the rules and regulations to be impeccable before the final handshake. But too many a times did the poor demon have to deal with hours of following a human around listening to their empty ponderings. ‘Humans have a tendency to become overly philosophical in the most crucial moments,’ he had noted once.

Unrelated to the other two, Wooyoung despised pigeons, which was exactly why it brought you great entertainment to change the location of my casual excursions to a nearby park, populated with hundreds of birds. There you had discovered that he had equal distaste for swans, ducks and, frankly, anything avian. Flying bugs were also not his favourite, for he took great pleasure in disposing of them with your slippers, an old newspaper or a magazine.

Taking notice of the devil’s sources of displeasure allowed you to make note of his emotional cues, highlighting his mischievous and serious demeanours, which were so subtly different you had never taken notice and often had made the wrong predictions in the friendly debates you and him had. A slight repositioning of the shoulders, twitch of the brow, a complex series of taps - all were signs that, upon study, gave you a feeling of control.

While playing with your food, eyes downcast, you took peeks at Wooyoung’s upper body. It was only a matter of time before he exploded, maybe even literally. He regarded food as something practically sacred, so such table manners and misconduct would drive him up a wall. For you it gave a sublime excuse to not eat and continue to peacefully wear away into soothing oblivion. You did not need the devil to be a so-called saviour, watching over you. You continued your act of defiance, now occasionally rolling up the bread between two fingers into tiny balls.

You admired their mouldability. Their smoothness. That grainy, soft quality that most loved, now turned to a primitive wholegrain ball. But even these were not eternal. Morphing into thin snakes, falling apart at the ends, the ball pieces coated your fingertips, latched onto your skin and happily disintegrated. Perhaps Wooyoung was not enjoying the demonstration for its resemblance to what he enjoyed doing to humankind regularly? Tearing it apart just for the sake of it, only to give some false hope to, then punish them with more zeal and erase their self-conjured identity to nothing more than a tortured soul. You were proud of your own accidental analogy and had made it your task to write it down in privacy. Probably after the demon were to leave you alone.

To your delight, your antics sped up the devil’s tea drinking, and soon enough he shot up with a scoff and stormed out of the kitchen. Habitually, you waited before getting your hopes up. A minute ticked by, two minutes, but still no door slam or locking. Were you in for a telling-off? You had become genuinely curious as to what your demon guest had gotten up to. Judging from the end of a long shadow that was at the entrance to the kitchen, Wooyoung was idolising himself in the mirror. Fixing his hair, pulling at his suit, yet again. A meditation through egocentric routine. That could only mean one thing: the devil was sure to come back. Your efforts gone to waste, you toss the remaining crumbs onto your plate, saw some bounce onto the table, and folded your bony arms.

If someone out of your family were to see you now, there would most likely begin every conversation with: ‘oh dear, how thin you have gotten!’, without any awareness of the fact that you were, in actuality, on a spiritual journey to the discovery of self by means of deprivation. In your mind, deprivation also meant starvation, amongst other things. Before the arrival of Wooyoung at one point you had stopped allowing myself the luxury of going to the grocery store, instead choosing to devour remaining canned and long-lasting goods during sinful bouts. Pasta as an only meal for a fortnight could be considered dull by some, but once your stomach had atrophied to an acceptable size and all that your tongue could register was blandness, pasta was the only nourishment your body did not reject.

Wooyoung did not question your eating habits, and for that you had mentally thanked him. Instead, he had merely requested you be present at every meal he had, aside from those out of your apartment – one on one client meetings, he had instantly elaborated.

Your eyes shut, you were reflecting on your speedy self-inflicted resolution. Before you could get to the part where your flimsy, cheap coffin would begin to deteriorate and you would fuse with the soil embracing you, Wooyoung returned, almost glowing, ever so peppy and up-tempo. Apparently, you had reminded him of another ‘magnificent’ story, which he was metaphorically dying to tell, and you were literally dying to listen to.

-----

“A grilled cheese toast syndicate?”

“Yes. I swear on all of my bosses. The grilled cheese food truckers are surprisingly enthusiastic when it comes to selling their own souls for their art.”

“You have only told me about two people so far, and they are co-owners of the same food truck. Your statement cannot possibly hold true.”

“At this point, take it as axiom. Maybe some day I will tell you about January the thirteenth,” I raised an eyebrow, “… or was it April? Either way, it was definitely rainy, murky, a Wednesday, and the thirteenth.” you did not prod him for details. You did not need him to think that some empty collection of his words was a carrot on a stick that he could dangle in front of you.

“Anyways, those guys are mad dedicated, aren’t they?” you huffed in response, getting an eyeroll in return.

He had been doing it so often, his eyes might as well remain staring into the black hole that was his cranium – the only explanation you could find for Wooyoung’s intense self-centeredness and profound elevation of his being not only above humans but also above his own colleagues. This led you to wonder whether there was a defined system hierarchy in his business, or whether a low-level worker could talk down to the big demons if there was enough evidence to suggest they were right in doing so. Did the right to reprimand and walk on the heads of others warp from zero to infinitely high?

If anything, you would have wanted to hear more about demon administration, not caring a single bit for the grilled cheese men driving around on a truck powered by infernal evil. But, that one mention of paperwork and rookie versus regular employee had long since passed, remaining only in your memory and in the list of displeasures of my guest.

Upon Wooyoung’s insistence, you were now seated in the living room, him splayed out on the couch, you composed in the squeaky armchair. It was almost as if you were the devil’s therapist. Give you a notepad and a pencil, and the scene would be complete. You quietly listened to him, the made-up role giving you strength to remain in the room for a while longer and bear with the excessive social contact.

“So, this guy approached me on a Monday morning, right? I was still a bit groggy from a party weekend – corporate events, you see, so I did not register who exactly I was talking to at first, and how this rando could know me by one of my human names. So, I am sitting there, and hear-”

You could see your reflection in the dusty dinnerware display cabinet. Barely a figure, only partially human. Your wool sweater was exaggerating what mass you had left on your shoulders; made your wrists look like fragile twigs. When you acted out, did Wooyoung have the urge to check if they would snap the same way? But what was the use of such actions, when you were the only one in the demon’s life to care enough about what he was blabbering to note it down on a stray piece of paper here, a napkin there. You had made him quotable, thereby valued. Your wrists will survive longer than your cooling core. You did not mean for Wooyoung to find out, but it was bound to happen eventually. You were living together after all. You thought after his freeloading for so many weeks you might just accept him as a family member.

He was so excited, that poor beast. Giddy and giggling he strolled up to you one morning, a piece of magazine between two fingers. You had just finished watering the only plant that had survived your aunt’s ‘love’. You had asked her to take care of them for only two weeks. She had a magic touch Hades touch, you were sure of it. Ironic that you had to travel for a funeral, when there was misery in your own home. Those plants were pretty much people to you; Although you’d never say it out loud, but you missed Fred the rhododendron. Wooyoung had waited until you turned around and faced him, supressing a toxic glower. You had gripped the miniature watering can so tightly you’re your knuckles turned white.

“Got any more like this?” his voice was almost mocking. Like he had discovered a dirty little secret of yours and was about to go around and tell everybody about it. Who was everybody? If it were people who would listen, you would be impressed and let him talk.

Something had told you that you should be confident and accepting on this one occasion. This stance had allowed you to see a child within Wooyoung. As if he had been praised by someone who he greatly admired. Maybe equivalent to a mother putting up a shoddy etch on the fridge with ‘her favourite magnet’. Good demon.

“Got any more of what?” you feigned your being oblivious, unintentionally batting your eyelashes.

“Oh, you know… sayings of, yours truly, that you like so much you immortalise them… Not that I am emotionally mortal to make anything I do be tainted with such silly things, but I appreciate the gesture. Very human, yet very touching.” He had slid the piece inside of his breast pocket, careful not to crease the pocket square more than it already had been. Wooyoung was waiting for you to spill all but you would not budge. You did not feel like it.

While floating in your sentimentalities you did not notice that the demon was now hovering over you, eyebrows knitted together and a scowl on his face.

“You are not listening to me, are you? Repeat what I said.” you rubbed the inner corners of your eyes and stifled a yawn. This was just like primary school. How long ago that was, and yet even demons treated him the same way. You tried to recall what Wooyoung had said last, out of the things you registered.

“Oh,” you began; the demon was expectant, a bit of the gloom evaporating from his features. “You said the new grilled cheese man knew your name.”

“For- for goodness’ sake. That was five minutes ago, you oaf.” You have not heard that insult in a while. It was refreshing. Maybe your oaf-ness will finally get him to shut up for today and leave you be? Not a chance.

“Okay, just for you I will begin the glorious tale again. You better listen carefully now, or I will literally devour your soul.” Big threat for someone who cannot attack a human out of contract bounds without being banished for all of eternity. You bit the inside of your cheek, knowing it was wiser to leave such comments out of the already tense moment.

You allowed Wooyoung to settle back onto your couch without snarky remarks following him. He crossed his legs and threw his arms onto the back, revealing more of the dress shirt he had selected for today. It was undoubtedly an expensive article, remaining creaseless for over eight hours now. The almost neon quality the orange stripes on the item possessed could hurt anybody’s vision if they stared for too long. Wooyoung was taking his sweet time restarting his storytelling, evidently trying me. And here you were thinking that your lack of listening skill would deter people; your guess this specimen was truly not in any way related to the ‘people’ kind.

Now that you took your time to ponder it more deeply, this was another one of his ‘quirks’ – wearing pricy, loud shirts from the high streets, no matter the occasion. He had first appeared before you in all black, wings of the shirt collar an astonishing shade of crimson. When you had asked who had made the piece, not hiding your admiration, his lips had morphed into a dark smile, and he nonchalantly explained that it was handmade by the tortured souls under his command. You had refrained from ever commenting on his outfits since then, and rightfully so - the shirts were all done in a distinct style. Made in hell.

The dandy demon glanced at the clock hanging on the wall and sighed.

“Time for a cup of tea, don’t you think?”

“If you want one.”

“And you don’t?”

“No, I do not, thanks for asking.”

“I guess I will have one later, I don’t care. So, grilled cheese. Where was I? Oh right, where I lost you. So, this dude-”

-----

It was a cool and bright afternoon, with the signs of spring getting stronger and stronger each day. The flowers were blooming early this year – it had been a weak winter. Daffodils nodding to passers-by, cherry trees giving up petals to the wind, the flurry of pinks and whites spiralling off into an entrancing dance. How long had it been since Wooyoung had become your guest, your accidental friend? You stopped counting, and at the same time had lost track of how many notes you had written, now accompanied by sketches and stored in leather-bound photo albums. Finally, you had put your older sister’s gift to good use. She had bought you these empty albums with the hope that her ‘precious sibling would make some good memories and be able to look at them all any time’. So now your only worthy memory was that demon. And to think you were supposed to take photos of ‘friends’ and ‘nature’ and ‘joyful events’ – you did not see enough of any of those to be able to make a record, so any curious eyes would have to deal with Wooyoung being the embodiment of them all.

For the first time in weeks, you had decided to take a walk outside without the intent of going to buy the demon some food, or to browse the isles of the local bookstore. Wooyoung was more than happy to join me – you did not even ask, and he was ready to go. A young puppy from the underworld. You wondered what breed this guy was most like. Frankly indoors he was more of a cat. Little did he know, you were out on a mission, even this time. You wanted to get one photo. The only photo in all three of the photo albums, which would serve as a conclusion. A depiction of Wooyoung; a way of showing that demons had more human qualities than some members of the species.

You had taken a camera, never used, and a full roll of film with you. The demon suspiciously eyed it as it was swaying left and right, hanging from your neck. As soon as you mentioned your plans, however, he gained an intoxicating exhilaration, so much so that you could not resist and took a snapshot right on my street. Wooyoung was smiling wide, his eyes narrowed, spinning on his feet while avoiding fallen magnolia. In the photo it looked like he was stopped mid-dance, his hands positioned with a refined grace.

To be frank, you were enjoying the time that was passing. The number of frozen memories grew exponentially; you had to admit, Wooyoung was a magnificent model – the camera loved his features, and he certainly did not shy away from it, nor was he disrespectful of the machine. Why machine? He could not have become considerate of you and your preferences in the span of the last ten minutes.

His vigour was infectious, and an unfamiliar passion ignited within you. The desire to act, to function, to contribute to the world had been inhabiting much like a parasite for once. You would not stop taking photographs until all film available to you was used up – you had made a fleeting mental promise. Though you were fully aware that this moment was not to last, you were glad that you had gained something to reminisce when you were to breathe your last.

After a street photo session Wooyoung and you continued on your stroll, headed towards a public garden that had recently been renovated. Soon enough, you were surrounded by fragrant flowers in bloom, flaunting their spring fashion. Beings of the Earth naively blithe at the awakening of their planet. What was so warming about today, anyway? Your body had grown so unaccustomed to supporting itself that your soul had cooled to the dangerous status of near indifference. Frankly, your only pleasure was to command Wooyoung to stand a certain way, crouch down and smell the daffodils, caress a branch… The only authority or meaning you had left, serving as a tether before you could finally let go.

Your cutting away from reality to whatever existed beyond was closer than you had imagined – it almost made you feel as if you had been robbed of some precious hours to indulge in hobbies. It was now that you reflected that instead of the variety of mundane elements of routine, you could have been someone great. You could have written the indescribable, cured the incurable, solved the unsolvable. Your speeches, monologues, soliloquies could have been on the lips of millions, uttered and echoed like prayer. You could have eradicated crime, famine, war… become a martyr for the greater good of humanity. But all you had left was to mull over your options of maggots or ash.

What made people great? Did those great people know of their value? Or were they stuck in the same loop of perceived worthlessness, unable to self-validate and allow oneself to turn off the inner critic for a couple of seconds. The greats did not have the time to breathe, instead sacrificing themselves to the choking depths of their art. At the beginning, they could barely keep their head afloat, wading in the viscous fluids of judgement, struggle and challenge. At one point their muscles would be used to the constant burn, and they could pretend to be walking above it all – a slow crawl in search of a shore that does not exist. But at one point, they would inevitably falter, and then, it is impossible to know whether they will drown or stay motionless above the surface, a splayed-out water strider. How you wished you could have had an ocean of your own to talk about in your darkest hour. Pain to make life worth living.

“Do you see them?” Wooyoung’s soothing voice penetrated your consciousness, and you turned your head towards him.

“Hm? Oh, do you mean those people?” you gestured at the couple sitting on a bench ten or so metres away from us. Their hands were intertwined as they lovingly stared into each other’s eyes. You raised your camera to snap a quick photo of the moment. Wooyoung had gone awfully quiet and waited for the photo to develop with bated breath. What was so special about a-

What? Where did they go? You were confused, fear rising in your throat. They could not have- No, they were still there. How could the camera take a picture of the bench but not the individuals sitting on it? Was this some trick? You furrowed your eyebrows and glared at Wooyoung. It must had been some silly prank.

“This is not funny. Are you entertained by this?” Then, softening my delivery you added, “But I would like to know how you could have possibly done it. The lighting, the trees, the flowers are all the same. It’s just the people that-”

“-Are dead.” He ended your sentence with a shocking truth. It was obvious that, for once, he was not being misleading. If you had not known him at all you would have guessed that he was grief-striken. There was an anticipation of something you had only tentatively explored. He had the look of a worn out, hollow man, faced with a horror he had to harden himself up for, if not for centuries, then for millennia.

You were clinging onto your habitual scepticism, but it had turned to lead in water. You had nothing to protect you from the gravity of the situation. You had no choice but to believe Wooyoung – he was a demon, after all. He knew death better than anyone else. But although the easiest option was to blindly trust him, you played it safe:

“Assuming they are dead, how could I possibly be seeing them? That does not seem reasonable. A regular person cannot-”

“Yes, a regular person cannot see the deceased, or when they do see them, they do not realise that they have just encountered the other side. Dead people have a spectacular ability of being unnoticeable even when present. They are just echoes of who they were in real life, so they would never be as flamboyant, attractive or energetic.” you stared at the photograph you had taken so intensely your gaze could burn holes in the film. Not a hint of their being on the bench. “I can bet a soul you would not have seen the two spectres on the bench if I had not pointed them out.”

“Then why did you?” you had the right to be seething. You would shout and give the demon a piece of your mind. How dare he? He had no right to tell me… but then again, you were making your own conclusions. He did not tell you what you did not need to hear to know. Just yet.

“I wanted to make sure of… you know what.”

“What?” you pressed on. It was going to hurt. You had to muster up all my courage to keep this interrogation going. You needed to be hit with the phrase that simultaneously established your success, but with the appearance of Wooyoung in your life introduced notes of loss and regret.

“You are going to die soon.” That was all you needed.

You knew it. From the lost glances that Wooyoung had been giving you the last few days. It was said that there are certain dogs that can smell cancer; demons can smell death, regardless of distance. Your friend from the underworld had explained during dinner a few nights ago that this power was one of the worst punishments, and it was not even hell’s creation. He had stated that Earth reeked of death, another reason why demons did not come out too often, and when they did, they had to have undergone extensive training.

The smell of death was so strong even humans could sense it sometimes, particularly when in severe distress. However, tasks like demographic classification of a strench, or influencing its diffusion to manipulate living beings, were all beyond any demon’s capabilities. As Wooyoung had kindly pointed out, ‘that was the job of the grim reapers, and they were somewhat above supernatural commonality’.

You only needed to look at myself in a mirror or storefront window to know that you were going to die. Your body was in the process of shutting down. Only skin and bone, you hobbled around with barely any energy. You were no longer a human, but an illusion. You could study the skeletal system using myself as a model. Your only potential purpose currently. You had forgotten the meaning of nourishment, only ever treating yourself to stale bread and a glass of water. Although your primal instincts had been rebelling and begging for you to embrace nature and sustain yourself properly, your mind had prevailed. So here you were, finally coming to the personal revelation that you were going to be parting ways and falling, after balancing for enough years. Or not enough. Depends on who wished to interpret.

You were losing. Be it something, someone or generally. You had been losing this whole time. You did not know when your attitude had changed and you began to walk the tightrope blindfolded, but it had evolved from a manic pursuit of achieving daring stunts to playing with your own wellbeing for kicks. This is where you ended up. At the edge of a cliff, no going back; just one step forward, soaring to purgatory. Your last ever rise, for sure.

“So, this is the beginning of the end, as they call it, huh?” you whispered, with your voice barely audible over the rustling of the trees. Wooyoung did not say anything but pursed his lips and nodded. He did not need to elaborate further, knowing that you were perfectly aware of your condition and what was to come. You began to amble down the gravelly path, quickening your pace once you reached the bench with the ghostly couple. You wanted to get away, but only to see another ever so slightly translucent lady enjoying the sunshine, standing barefoot on the grass. You were about to scoff and make a comment about public health and disregard for the new strands but caught yourself.

These spirits had no mass, just like they had no purpose for the living. They could not influence reality no matter how hard they tried. It was impossible. They did not have the necessary human qualities, or the otherworldly powers of a demon to overcome the death-life barrier and do something as simple as feeling the breeze on one’s own skin. The same one that was making you shiver and wish you had brought a warmer coat.

Wooyoung and you were living in a metropolis of the dead, semi-humans in fading grey tones. You had no idea for how long you had been seeing these half familiar, half grotesque entities, walking on ground that was still yours; what used to be real clinging onto the regular man’s delusion, a madman’s fantasy, a sick man’s nightmare. Oh, how much must your demon friend have seen. Did he see those who were beyond saving so frequently that he lost touch with which was which? Did he treat them all the same? Were you still the person you had known yourself to be? From the day of Wooyoung’s arrival, had you been in this state, and stripped of the knowledge?

And yet… you would not have lived your last weeks with the same passive enjoyment, having a sense of power and control over your choices amidst progressive degradation. Although not confirmed, your demon companion had quite possibly withheld information about your own demise. It was true that the appearance of an entity from the inferno should have started ringing a few bells straight away, but you could not be bothered to make yourself care. Sometimes, it was the omission of fact that gave a person true pleasure.

-----

Your notes disappeared. You had woken up at the crack of dawn just to search for them, but to no avail, and it was unlikely that they were in Wooyoung’s room, for you had never given him permission to touch anything you deemed personal. This was the reason behind your gloominess during Wooyoung’s breakfast. You had a sip of water, which you proceeded to spit out into the sink. You were parched, your lips bitten and chapped, but you could not allow for a single droplet to roll down your oesophagus. The demon was not giving you any attention, instead focusing on the eggs benedict in front of him. It was like you were a family, not having to speak to be comfortable in each other’s presence.

You had gotten used to this demon. Now that he was technically more alive than you, you had a stronger pull towards him, a sense of desperation and longing. He had mentioned, in the early days, some of his clients having similar sensations prior to making deals. Had they been on the same cliff’s edge when they had found solace and a temporary solution in Wooyoung? You were not going to give in, and he did not want you to, obviously resisting any temptation to make you crack or to tempt you. Conscious of his effect on your species’ natural ability of being manipulated, he was all smiles and kindness the last few days. It was really a blessing in disguise. Made your passing far more comfortable than you could have ever imagined.

After Wooyoung finished breakfast, you washed up, immediately drying the dishes, and then walked to the living room. You longed to see the street one last time, crack open the window and breathe the stench of the polluted concrete jungle you lived in. You were not going to get to see your neighbourhood bulldozed and converted to skyscraper haven – for the better. There was the same number of cars, the same average number of people passing by. The same cat from across that went out to sit on a low brick wall was there, letting the rays masked by murky ashen clouds sink deep into its skin. It wasn’t as if the whole planet was meant to slow down just for your ending.

You were just a cog, and a cog that had removed itself from the machine so long ago that it had become a foreign object. You had always had trouble relating to people, this was only proven by the fact that it had been easier dealing with a demon; in any case, your innate lighthearted misanthropy allowed for a seamless disappearance. You would not be making anybody sad – in the best case scenario, somebody would be able to tell who it was they were meant to be mourning. Yet another reason why now you were praising myself for radically isolating, you need not worry about the majority of funeral expenses going to entertaining some guests who were likely not bothered to say anything more than ‘oh poor them’ or know anything more than what you had carved onto your face.

“It’s been a good ride, pal. I’ve had some real nice times with you. You might become one of my stories I tell clients, you never know. The antithesis to the piece of toast.” Wooyoung had positioned himself to your left, resting his arms behind his back and staring off into the smoggy distance.

“What do you mean by that?” you asked, turning once again to the horizon. Was the view from this window always so breath-taking?

“More poetic, I guess.” So informative, Wooyoung. Thank you. It rid you of all your pains.

“Yes, very clear. Cheers.”

“Wow, you sure are impressed. Sorry, I can’t explain it too well. You know… hm. How do I? Maybe it’s kind of like the bittersweet feeling you get after finishing a really good book? People can be like that too, for immortals that is. We know about each person’s birth, life, and death, and in there somewhere is that same beginning middle and end that is within every literary masterpiece.” He was inadvertently inflating the perception of your importance to society.

“Now you are making out my species to be way better than we are.”

“Yep, I know.” That was uncalled for, but you appreciated the brutal honesty in your final hours.

You glanced at the vintage clock, loyally ticking away on the wall. A little past three. Seemed right somehow, to get the end started right that instant. Spun on your heels and slowly made your way to the front door of your apartment. You could not care less to change from your slippers to an outdoor pair of shoes, so you exited into the communal stairwell how you was. Wooyoung was trailing behind you, his hands in his trouser pockets. You decided to take the stairs up instead of the elevator – it was not that long of a journey, but anyways you wanted the sort of scenic route towards your demise. Demon boy did not comment, only one of his eyebrows twitched once you were already halfway up the stairs to the next floor.

Soon enough, the metal door leading to the roof was looming before you. A map of some outdated emergency exits, the page yellowed, was framed and hung on two screws loosened by poor initial handiwork. There were meant to be two others, but they were long gone, probably lying around somewhere, with the dust bunnies, rusted and most surely extinct to their purpose. That reminded you, you should get going. Your attention had been constantly drifting ever since you had made the choice to abuse yourself into a state of being able to welcome self-elimination – truth be told in the beginning you had not calculated that this was what your actions would lead to, but now you did not oppose it in the slightest.

The wind was freezing cold, attacking you through the layers of clothing you had on. But it gave you natural encouragement to go on, go forwards and position yourself at the edge. There it was, your final destination. You peered at the concrete below; it was unlikely that you would be a pretty sight, alas you had plans and they had to be gone through with. Only a minor inconvenience for the residence – they would look at you the same way they would look at a dead animal; distract the kids, notice the awakening of a morbid fascination with the macabre, then go about their day, never to give the honour of being pondered to the poor animal again. If only you could possess the same altruistic qualities as those creatures that gave their lives away for the greater good. But you were only acting for yourself. You could have been great, but you could not act great no matter how much you tried. Your steps had led you too far from the ocean, so you had found a bog to sink into.

You closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The air was cleaner the closer one was to the sky, dizzyingly sweet, intoxicating. There was a thirst in you after all. Too late for it to ever be satisfied. Some things were meant to be left unfinished and permanently abandoned. You tuned into the howling of sirens, zooming through your neighbourhood; you were wondering who they were, where they were going. Before you could conjure a whole story for the emergency services that dashed past, stopping when you had ideated a man who discovered the body of a stranger in the middle of his living room and, in a panic, had dialled any car that produced the violent shriek, Wooyoung cleared his throat, causing your eyes to flutter open. You turned your head – he was closer to you than you had initially predicted. Had he been here this whole time?

“I have already collected your notes by the way. Sorry to have gotten you into a bit of a panic, I should have told you earlier.” So now he chose to ever so kindly bestow this upon you. A rapid onset of frustration was rapidly abated by Wooyoung’s apologetic smile. This charming bastard. He knew you would let it go.

He had genuinely not meant to cause you harm in your last hours here, or at least that was what you wanted to believe. The demon had wanted to give you a proper send-off, making sure you did not have any unfinished business on Earth. When you had questioned his motives, asking whether on your death bed he would metaphorically back-stab you he waved me off and took offense: “I get that I am a demon, but you are my friend. I don’t eat my friends’ souls,” It was almost touching until “…not a fan of bitter stuff.” He had an odd sense of humour. You will miss it, if that was possible on the other side.

He had told you that emotions were going to be your most loyal companions there. Your only true companions. Memories would make the occasional appearance too. He had given you a rundown on how to properly greet a reaper to impress them and make the walk through all the checkpoints less unbearable. “Those guys have a tendency to be quite morose. Total killjoys, am I right?” Wooyoung was proud of himself for that play on words. It was with regret that you had to part with his bad jokes.

You were standing at the edge of your ten-story apartment building, the same one you had lived in since university. You could say with confidence that this was enough to crack your thin shell. This day had come when your mind had passed the state of believing the internal alert signs that had flashed endlessly, shutting them off, now choosing to agree with the way of termination you had been preparing for. You took half a step forward, so your toes could feel the curvature of the drop through the grimy cotton stuffed with cheap card. Your demon friend was exasperating, choosing to dawdle and rock on his feet right next to you. What had you expected? This was none of his business. You sighed and could not help but give him a glare. He looked up and gave you a wide, practically coy grin – if it were anybody else, you would have been deeply disturbed, given the reason why you two were here. But Wooyoung was Wooyoung; demons were more than allowed to react in strange ways to the ending of man.

For some reason you could not picture the faces of your mother and father. In these moments people usually thought about their family, right? Normally those were who they left behind to pick up the pieces. But for you the postman that came to your street every Sunday was more vivid than your own relatives. It could be because you had not visited them for what could be seven years. Were they well? You had no clue. But it was no longer your business or concern. Might as well muse about the postman. That gentleman in uniform would have to keep on hoarding any spam and bank statements and charity advertisements that would be sent to your address until finally he would either not be bothered with them, or somebody would move in and change the name in the address lines.

The apartment would sell quickly; it wasn’t like you were doing anything funny inside, if anything you were lowering the value of the whole house, or even the street. Huh, you did have impact on the external world! Go you. At least you would be good at being harmful vermin to your neighbours. Parasitic vermin which they could not get rid of because it beat them to the chase. On the other hand, you were giving a helping hand to anyone who was looking to buy an apartment in this area for cheap – assuming a real estate agency would be interested in handling the post-mortem affairs.

You had watched an interview with an agent in Japan who specialised in houses and flats of people who ended up just like you or had passed of natural causes. Living alone, those people spiritually disintegrated, their physical selves following suit. What came after? The agency ordered a deep clean, transformed the housing and sold it off to those who dared. And that was a prime example of good business. Life went on no matter what one did, and you had nothing but respect for that man, who was effectively fighting off evil spirits that people conjured up in their creative little heads by re-making a place of mourning, a place of death into a spacious, minimalist condo for generations of life after life after life. If not you, then at least your apartment will go on. That was all you were hoping for. You could not be great now, but your apartment… For a split second you considered agreeing to give your soul away to Wooyoung in order to guarantee the protection and bettering of your little habitat, but it was not right to meddle with the natural flow of events. If the flat was meant to outlive you for centuries to come, you would be glad. If not, so be it. Demolition was an acceptable way to go too.

After the whole morning had been overcast, the sun was finally beginning to peer out, making leaves surrounding your building glisten. They were waving at you, cheering me on. The only time you had ever felt supported: “You can do it! We believe in you! Go, go!” Pressure was building inside of you, a spring or a coil, ready to be sent off. You moved my feet back, taking off your slippers. That was what you had seen done in movies and anime, so the footwear did not fall off mid-fall. Or was it just a statement that everyone wordlessly agreed upon? You did not mind following the trend. After they were pinched in my right hand, you bent over and placed them neatly on the edge. They fit into the scene perfectly, as if they were meant to be there, and not being used as platforms for striding around a household. An adventurous, risk-taking pair of slippers. You felt ready.

Tiny bits of gravel and chipped off stone pressed into your feet. You balanced on your heels, toes already hovering above the drop. The wind could probably blow you over if it was any stronger. Your hands were dry, your heartbeat somnolent and your will persistent. You nodded to yourself, and with the flash of the sun, appearing from behind a cloud, you gave in. You imagined yourself as a fledgling, finally leaving the nest, ready to feel the wind under your wings for the first and final time. Your head was spinning as you lost balance and gave into infinity.

You felt free. So free that you wanted this fall to last forever. A sigh escaped you as you could no longer feel your aches, neither physical, nor mental. You were a fleeting moment, passing by, ready to-

You were definitely meant to hit the ground by now. You had personally seen the arrays of windows zoom past you, faster and faster. Then why were you staring into the sun, and still very much alive and breathing? It was as though time had been frozen or was going so slowly that motion was barely there – you tried to move a leg, but it did not follow your command. You tried your arm – same story. What was this? Was this some illusion?

In a click, you were back to speeding downwards, but only for a split second before crashing into what felt like a pair of outstretched arms. Arms which barely moved when you collided with them full force, as though they had absorbed all the impact, transferring it to the earth beneath you. Somehow, they had cushioned your fall entirely, cradling you against something, or rather someone warm, safe.

One of the arms was holding your upper body steady, while the other was holding you under your knees. Once you had gotten rid of your initial shock, a panic settled in. You were not supposed to be here, you were not supposed to be seeing this. You had overstayed your welcome. They should let go! What right did they have to decide your fate like this!? What was this cursed act of playing some higher power and turning you into a puppet? Desperate and livid, you attempted to free yourself.

You were unsure of what you were going to do. It was funny, how you had ceased to plan anything, and were clueless even about the next few seconds of your existence. At least that part you were sure of – you were breathing, you had a pulse, and your chest was about to burst. Tears were welling up in your eyes as you tried and tried to claw your way from the strong arms that now pressed you to their owner’s body. You fought against it, weak fists hitting against the broad chest once, twice, until all you could do was let out a feeble wail and give into the flood of emotion that came pouring out of you.

As your frail frame shook with every sob, intermittently replaced with shallow gasps for air, you felt the someone who had caught you from what you had seen as a certain self-conclusion shift and walk towards the brick wall of your apartment building. There were no windows, no one scrutinising you, only you, the one who, in a matter of seconds decided your fate, and a peaceful spring day. The body had lowered themselves together with you, taking a seat with their back against the cool brick wall, continuing to hold you close.

You were blabbering utter nonsense under your misery-soaked breath, chocked up and lost. You had settled for repeating a never-ending stream of questions beginning with why, ones which the suit-clad body could not, or did not wish to answer. The tears, locked away for eons now being released in honour of what could only be described as an accidental renaissance, were rolling down your crimson cheeks, snaking like streams down your neck and leaving stains on your clothing. Embarrassment, guilt, and regret washed over you in feverish flashes as you attempted to cover your face with your hands.

You hated how you looked when you cried. You hated how helpless you were when you cried. You hated every bit of this humiliation, and yet there was nothing you could do to stop it. It was as though it was not you who took the final step, but a manifestation of all the inhibitions, and toxic limitations you had placed on yourself. A cage thrown from a precipice. And now here you were. That same little bird. That little fledgling. Saved. No longer trapped. But with the hurt not subsiding.

What have you done? Another yelp erupted from you as you rubbed your tremoring hands in circles, feeling every pore, every bit of agony-induced moisture on your skin. You wanted it all to evaporate. To disappear. You did not want to face this. Anything but this. You did not want to face yourself after what you had done. You were such a coward. How did you come to this? What had led you to this foolishness? Why did you not succeed? Because you could not do anything. You could not even control your own life.

Your thoughts were monsters, rabid, barking and biting at you, tearing you apart from within. The noise was overwhelming, dialled up to an impossible maximum as one of your wrists began to bang against your temple. You were so exhausted. You wanted this to stop. So badly. Please. Could. It. Stop.

“Do you hear me?"

A solitary plea, reminiscent of a prayer. Reaching out to you. A promise. A sweet release in the form of music, which had been so core to your darkest hours and your battles against them, that you gasped once you recognised the melody.

"회색빛 안개 덮인 Gloomy day Gloomy day covered with gray fog

눈앞이 가려진 게 두려워 I'm afraid that my eyes are covered

이젠 아무것도 흥미가 안 나 No woah…” I'm not interested in anything anymore No woah

This song was so familiar. So close to your heart. It had been with you through many moments in your life. Through times when you had no one to rely on. Through times when you had been losing hope, but at least for a few minutes, felt like there was still something worth holding on to.

The voice that was singing it was mellifluous, each note embellished with gold, clearing your haze. It possessed a steadiness that was so jarring to your state that you could not help but be jolted out, shaken from a horrific nightmare. You wanted to keep on listening, stay like this forever. Maybe this was afterlife after all? When the voice stopped for a moment, as if unsure whether to continue or not, your hand grasped one of the arm’s sleeves, squeezing it, begging for the song to continue. With a soft hum in agreement, the arm supporting your legs slips back, letting you down onto the ground slowly. In a few quick adjustments, you were now sat between the man’s legs, your back flush against his chest, as he continued to embrace you. Your wings. Your shield.

As he continued to sing, you could feel a pleasant vibration against your own body, with every breath, every sound that filled the air. Slowly but surely, your tears had stopped, leaving only reminders - streaks that had painted over you, and you were stilled to a trance, only following the music. In that moment, the only things to exist were you, him, and the melody. Who knew that this combination could be a safe haven?

“She's in the rain

You wanna hurt yourself, I'll stay with you

You wanna make yourself go through the pain

It's better to be held than holding on, no woah…”

You let out an airy chuckle, lifting a hand wrapped up in your sleeve and dabbing away at the corners of your glistening eyes. This song. Out of all of them. You had not listened to it in so long, though it was always in your memory, like a record left on a turning table. Why now? And how did he of all people, and non-people, know? While still keeping the performance gentle, he went into a cautious crescendo for the final verse, leaving the last line ringing in your very being.

“We're in the rain

떨어지고 있는 이 빗속에서 in this falling rain

흩어져 버린 널 다시 채워 Refill the scattered you

아름다웠던 널 볼 수 있게 So that I can see the beautiful you

No woah, we're in the rain.”

You took the impromptu performance in, relishing in the tranquility that it had given you. As the silence grew longer, however, pangs of guilt made an appearance once more, deciding to pick at your brain and taunt you. You did not deserve this. You had just… you were supposed to… you were told you were going to…

“So, you aren’t even going to say anything about my solo concert? Shame, Y/N, shame.”

You finally looked to the side and up at the man who had restarted your clock. Wooyoung. With his cocky grin and mischievous eyes, and, by total contrast to himself, with the patience of a saint. Otherwise, you could not explain why he was here with you. As though nothing happened. Maybe nothing did. You were now beginning to hope so.

“What’s with the first name basis, demon dearest?” you croaked, throat still hoarse and clogged up from crying.

“I think we have just re-enacted all the standard wedding vows you humans use so I think we can go on first name basis, Y/N.” he jested, mimicking a disgusted tone when saying the word ‘human’.

“But death did not do us part-”

“Thanks to my brilliant, otherworldly reflexes, obviously.”

That was a fair point. Out of all reasons to be alive, you were still hanging on thanks to a demon. To a creature of the underworld. To what one would think is the antithesis to all things valuable on the planet. There had to be a catch.

“You… you said I was going to die.” You mumbled letting your eyes flutter shut and leaning back a little. Wooyoung adjusted your form so that your head could tilt back against his shoulder, and he could rest his chin against yours.

“Isn’t everybody?”

“No, you said, I was going to die soon.”

“Well, oops, I guess.

“Elaborate.”

“Tell me what you thought of my singing, and then I might just satisfy you.” He was unchangeable. But he was here. Still a cunning menace. Reckless, but your saving grace, nevertheless.

“It was good.”

“Just good? I was out there turning my soul inside out for you, damn it.” He retorted. You could hear his smile.

“Your non-existent one?”

“About that…” he trailed off, pausing himself before answering what you had initially thought to be a rhetorical question. This put you on higher alert. You moved a little, so that you were able to speak face to face with Wooyoung. What did he mean?

Instinctively, once you locked eyes with his, you became very self-conscious. Your well-practiced, thoroughly nurtured phobias had stirred from their deprivation-induced slumber and began their routine of hurling insult after insult about how you looked, how you behaved, how you, you were. The last one was a personal favourite of yours: you, an amalgamation of blunders culminating in a virtue-less entity. There you went again, dragged out from the other side only to kick yourself into a corner. But at least you could say you were proof that old habits, did indeed die hard. As Wooyoung saw your previously frustrated expression falter, he could not help but cup one of your cheeks, directing you away from your internal hell.

“Hey, back with me.” He instructed you softly, making you mellow. As he removed his hand, the touch lingered for a little while longer. It was odd, just how easy it was to give into the sensation of being held, being protected, even if it was from oneself. This demon was surprisingly clement and forbearing.

“So, you were saying, Wooyoung?”

Although you were almost certain this had to be trickery, there was a hint at an emotion entirely unexpected from the demon. Upon trying to piece together the bits of body language, and micro reactions that you could capture from your position, you could only read a terribly concealed unease… or shame? Or worry? Either way, it was unlike the conceited hell-bringer you had grown attached to. After his dramatic pause, the man raised his head and gave you an intentionally meek grin.

“I kind of… sort of… maybe used your writing to make a pact?”

“Say that again?” you were bewildered. You had blindly believed him when he had told you he took the ramblings to remove any traces of himself in your life - so much for trying to see the best in demons.

“Well, pacts can be made in spoken or written form, and since I had your writing… well you can guess."

"Who gave you the right to do that?" you asked, venom dripping from the inquiry.

"Look, before you get mad, I have got to say is, I had no other choice!” he blurted out, raising his free hand in front of him in a defensive motion.

Your expression darkened as you peered into his deep brown orbs. As the wind picked up and clouds raced across the sky, you ignored the strands of your dull hair that were making every effort to prevent you from maintaining eye contact for much longer.

“One, you did not answer my question. Two, you could have let me die.”

“Nope. Not an option.”

“Why? And again, who?”

“If I say I am selfish and the answer to both things is just 'me', would you believe me?”

“Partially. Since when do you need me? You wasted enough time already.” reverting to self-deprecation out of habit, you did not wish to argue and instead turned the conversation into a plea for Wooyoung to reevaluate and somehow reverse the process. You were convinced that he had either done it out of pity, or out of twisted sadism.

“Never on you. Do you hear me? Never. Every moment with you is precious.” Again that question. Same one from the song. But now wholly dedicated to you.

You were dumbfounded. This was probably the first time over however many weeks… or was it months, that passed that you had heard him say something so openly positive to you. Previously it had either been a flirtatious comment through which he fished for compliments, or him outright asking for attention from you while he delivered story after story. At least the situation with the missing notes had cleared. They had come into some sort of use, albeit highly questionable.

His phrase. 'Never on you'. Those three little words were giving you room to exist. Providing you with priceless reassurance that to someone in the vastness of space you were not a nuisance. How easily you were swayed now! Nearly cooing because of every word uttered by the demon. Clinging onto every distraction from your own body. You started fading away into your toxic pensiveness, struggling to keep your head afloat.

“You didn’t even ask about the song, and how I knew. Really, we are going to have to work on your ability to ask interesting questions if you are to actually dive into the literary world.” He sounded like a parent, scolding a delinquent child for not paying enough attention in school and skipping.

His mention of the literary world had caught you off-guard. It was true that prior to your spiral your sacred wish had been to become a master of the written word, alas, you had chosen to give it up. But Wooyoung sounded adamant, as though he saw nothing else in your future except the pursuit of your ancient passion. You could not keep up with him, so you remained mute.

“Well, you always did enjoy me taking the lead, so I’ll ask and answer for you, okay?” he added, ever so cheeky. You only hummed in response, preoccupied by your own interpretations of the cryptic introduction.

“I have known you for a while, Y/N. A lot longer than you would think.”

“Okay, continue, sounds promising.” You quipped, making the demon roll his eyes.

“And… how would I say this… there is a reason why I appeared as a demon and not an angel, let’s say that.”

“And that is?”

“It was the easiest way to be with you, Y/N. Otherwise, I would be just a shadow. And I was sick and tired of letting you go. Time, and time again."

"What in the world do you mean?"

"We are bound together.”

You whipped around. Wooyoung was smiling, but it was an evident façade to conceal an excruciating terror that had begun to settle within him as he recounted to you his fall from grace. He revealed to you that he had been a guide for lost souls, tasked to be a bringer of spiritual light to beings of the earth. He was the light heart that one felt when their troubles would be wiped away. He was the freedom felt when a challenge was overcome. He was a candle in a dim reality, fighting in the shadows against people’s troubles. Wooyoung was one to trust easily, fall in love easily, and exist for others.

He was an angel who had been created for continuous self-sacrifice - that was what prophets had told him. And as time went on, he began to crumble harder and faster. It was becoming too much to stand beside these beautiful mortals and see them fall apart, without being allowed to influence their acts directly. Only through cryptic messages, encouraging nothings in moments of somnolence, manifestations… He wanted to do more, so much more!

You had been ‘just another lost soul’ initially. Locked away in your room, moving like an automaton through your human years. Wooyoung had ended up learning a lot about you, memorising your every angle, your every thought. Despite your younger years - a quality that had prevailed through every physical embodiment your soul had, you were composed of suffering wound into a tight Gordian knot – one that he was itching to cut. He wanted to help you. He wanted to be there for you. He wanted to be your guide.

It had been the same in your previous lives. You had burned out before you could produce warmth. No matter the dynasty, nor the nation, you had suffered the same fate again, and again. And every time, Wooyoung had to witness it, and had his heart break into a billion pieces. So much for being soul-bound to a human being.

You reminded him of a little bird. So much ahead of you, and yet the torrential winds of time and circumstance beat down on you repeatedly, forcing your wings back, draining you until you cannot see another way anymore. You had been a wonderful writer in your past life. In three, to be exact. Making a mark on the world - little did you know, you had been quoting yourself all this time in school, in media... a little bird, fatigued, letting out its final cry.

Wooyoung had always been commended for his compassion, but the levels of personal involvement which he had felt towards you over the span of centuries were unprecedented. It was as though he was the candle, and you were the flame itself. In the beginning, just observing you was enough. Seeing how you went about your day and how you glowed. But the wick was never long enough for Wooyoung to be satisfied, and even though he tried, no angel could caress such a flame, reassure it and be present in the moment.

It was easier than he could have envisioned to get used to your presence, and in turn, crave it. Have your attention turn to him instead of the same thoughts, same feelings, same repeating desolation. With every new life your soul experienced, the tiny mark on your body that signified a much deeper connection between you and him was only getting stronger and stronger, more vivid, and it had become undeniable. You were bound together.

He wished for nothing more than to be your bringer of light and break you from this reincarnating melancholic cycle. He wanted to be with you. For you to be with him. To rely on him. To co-exist in nothing but tranquility. And for that, Wooyoung was willing to sacrifice everything. Whatever it took to tip the scales in favour of your survival. He had fallen from grace in the blink of an eye, exchanging status and divinity for a lowly demon rank. Wooyoung was not troubled, making the underworld his home, grateful that his wish had come true. He had a chance to get closer to you before time could run out.

It had not been simple, figuring out the details of his personal contract. He had had to get the blessing of every angel and liaise with his new colleagues to realise the rescue plan he had conjured up in one feverish night. Every step of the way, he felt selfish. Your agreement was out of the question, so he had to act in secrecy, using your written word as proof of your feelings and of mutual attachment to convince the higher powers that there was a kindling hope.

It was not something he wanted, but he had to let you push yourself to the limits so you could be reborn. As his redemption. As his saving grace. He had no certainty that his plan involving you would work, even though there were signs. But he sure as hell was willing to try. And there you were, in his very arms. The chance. His love. The future.

Every pact had an exchange. His was simple. And very 'Wooyoung'. Your healing, for his divine punishment. While he would be burning in damnation, he would be helping you rise above the flood. To him, it was a way that was only natural. And he would not have any other alternative. From the greatest depths he was going to crawl, and claw his and your way forward. You were his divine soulmate after all.

As he divulged his real story to you, his true self, you could catch glimpses of who he had been, all across his features. Though what he had not mentioned yet, instead resorting to an ambiguous 'pact', was your heavenly ties to him. He could not expect you to love him. He could not force you to accept him so quickly. If it took centuries more, he was willing to wait. Time was not an issue; he wanted your heart to heal.

You were perplexed. Why did Wooyoung throw everything that he had away? Was this foolishness? Was this a lapse in judgement? Whatever he was looking for, you were sure he could not find here. There had to be another reason, something-

“Like I said, I am bound to you. So, apologies, Y/N, but you are going to have to deal with me for… a while. Now don’t worry, you are not the only one who will be on a journey, so we will be helping each other. Okay?”

“Bound?”

“Like I said. A pact.”

“So, you will take my soul?”

“That’s what demons do.”

“Aren’t you one... now? Don't you sort of have to take souls?”

“Not exactly. I just explained. Had I been a true demon, I would have been able to steal your soul on the first day we had met. Just like that.” He clicked his fingers, representing the speed at which the action could have been performed, had he had the ability. "I have to go through the paperwork to do my present duties. Dull, but at least I am still myself, more or less."

“Then, fallen angel it is.”

“Yes. Much like you, after that stellar dive.”

“Did you just-”

“If there is anything you certainly know about me, is that I adore being tactless.” He reminded you, making you snort.

“That you sure do. Maybe that's why you decided to leave the angelic realm." you stuck a bit of your tongue out, poking fun at Wooyoung, who took to your higher spirits and beamed.

"What will you do, then?” you tried.

“Only what had already been done and determined by fate.”

“Cryptic.”

“Very much so. But we will go in baby steps. Now, let’s get you inside, and get started, together. You ready, Y/N?”

He was searching for hope. For a new life. For fight within you. One that would prove to him that there was, indeed, a chance.

“Reborn ready, Wooyoung.”

As he helped you up and, an arm wrapped around you, guided you back inside, his gaze could not help but linger on the small mark on your ever so slightly exposed shoulder, exactly matched with his. He was going to tell you what it meant eventually. When you were ready to hear and to listen. The stars had long made the decision for you both, and he simply gave in. If this meant that he had to be a demon for eternity, he was willing. If him and you could be redeemed, he was ecstatic. But that was distant for now. In the present, the only thing certain was you, and him. The rest was only a series of embellishments to lead you to healing and acceptance. But it was clear. You were never alone, and you will never be.

#wooyoung x reader #jung wooyoung #wooyoung x y/n #ateez au #ateez fanfic #demon ateez #ateez angst #hwaightme #ateez #ateez comfort #choi san #ateez san #ateez wooyoung #ateez wooyoung x reader #demon wooyoung #angel wooyoung #kpop imagine #kpop writers #kpop writing

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sororalice · 4 months ago

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On The Blessedness Of The Fruits Of Summer

A homily for Lammas, 2024.

Dearly beloved,

A very blessed Lammas/Lughnasadh to all of those in the northern Hemisphere and a very blessed Imbolc to our siblings in the Southern Hemisphere! May all of your hopes and dreams grow into fruition over the coming year!

For us in the Northern Hemisphere, this holy day is about the ripening of the first fruits of the year. Here in my home in Northern California, we are welcoming in apples, grapes, melons, berries, and citrus of all kinds, as well as artichokes, avocados, and summer squash, and I can tell you, I am reveling in all of these wonderful foods. As such, I am moved to speak this Lammas on the blessedness of the fruits of Summer.

The fruits of Summer are special. The first fruits of the year’s harvest have ripened and our tables and homes welcome them. Our plates abound with fresh bread, fresh fruit, and fresh vegetables, and we walk happily in the warm days and cool evenings as the days start shortening in earnest. And all of this was due to our hard work (if we are lucky enough to be able to grow our own food) and the hard work of farmers, pickers, washers, distributors, and other diligent workers over the course of the Spring and early Summer. While some of us might be lucky enough to live where the fruit and grain grows wildly and freely for all to take as they need, most likely the food on our tables on any given day came from the hard work of many people.

In the same way, in our spiritual lives, this time of year tends to occasion moments of fruition. As pagans, we believe in a naturalized theology, and accordingly we tend to see moments of spiritual realization coming to fruition as the natural world moves towards its own moments of fruition. This is a time where the seeds of the new selves we planted in Spring and the hard work we have done since then are bearing their first fruits, and thus it is a moment of initiation. Lammas is a feast, a celebration of the fruits of Summer, yes…but for those of us who live the spiritual life, it is also a moment where we begin to enjoy the first rewards of our spiritual work—the Great Work—that we have been doing over the course of Spring and Summer.

So celebrate yourself as you celebrate these first fruits of Summer. You have cultivated yourself and been cultivated by the Divine, and now you can enjoy some of the rewards of that cultivation. Celebrate the fruits and grains of Summer, yes, but also celebrate the person you are becoming as the Wheel Of The Year turns.

I also want to honor the blessed god Dionysos in this moment. Grapes are one of those fruits of Summer, and the Olympic performance has brought our beloved Dionysos to the fore of minds of the general public for the first time in centuries, perhaps millennia. More people are speaking the name of this great deity, who, in the Orphic tradition, is the inheritor of Olympus and the Heavens as Zagreus, than perhaps ever before in history. So in this moment let us honor great Dionysos and remember His gifts! Ιο, ιο Διόνυσος! Blessings and worship unto Thee, Great God!

And blessings to you, dear reader, and bright blessings upon your Great Work. Blessed Imbolc! And hail Dionysos!

In love,

Soror Alice

Art: Giuseppe Arcimboldo, “Summer”, (1563)

#spiritual #spirituality #mystical #mysticism #religion #pagan #paganism #magick #witch #witchcraft #magic #ceremonial magic #ceremonial magick #lammas #Lammas 2024 #sabbat #homily #Summer #dionysus

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christiancomputerstudent · 2 months ago

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The gospel of Love

youtube

This song posted above highlights the gospel in a nutshell the world needs Jesus, and the world needs Jesus to wrap his loving arms around the world, and the arms of Jesus are the church.

Christians are ofen accused of spreading hate, we Christians need to start spreading the love and the good news message of the gospel of love, to the four corners of the earth, not just with words but also practically, the world needs more love and less hate.

By the way, if you are a Christian and you are spreading hate, you have missed the point of the Gospel.

Cool bible verses on the subject

John 3.16: For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life

Galatians 6:9-10: And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.

Proverbs 19:17: Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward them for what they have

Hebrews 13:16: It is more blessed to give than to receive

Hebrews 6:10: God is fair; he will not forget the work you did and the love you showed for him by helping his people

Proverbs 22:9: A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor

Romans 12:13: A true rule of charity, when we are no less touched with other men's wants than with our own, and having that feeling help them as much as we can

Our role model is Jesus

Philippians 2: 5-8 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus, Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-- even death on a cross!

#activism #social activism #christian #Youtube #music #music. christian #christian music #music christian

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piscesseer · 1 year ago

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Harvest Blessings: Mabon 🍎🌾

On September 22, the harvest festival of Mabon is celebrated. As the leaves begin to change color and a cool breeze sweeps the air, we find ourselves on the cusp of Autumn, a season of transition and transformation.

Mabon occurs on the Autumn Equinox, marking the beginning to fall here in the North where the days will eventually shorten. Mabon presents as an opportunity to reflect and embrace the coming darkness as a necessary part of the annual cycle. Mabon, also known as the Second Harvest or Witch’s Thanksgiving, is a time to be thankful for the bountiful harvest and to prepare for the dark months ahead.

On this day, the night and day are equal. This balance of light and dark is symbolic of the harmony and equilibrium that is found in nature. We are reminded that life is a constant cycle of change, and just as the seasons shift, so do our own lives. Mabon encourages us to reflect on the balance within ourselves and in our daily routines.

Symbols: basket, cornucopia, pinecone, seeds Colors: orange, red, yellow, brown, copper, dark yellow, dark green Foods: corn, beans, squash, apples, pumpkins, root vegetables, eggplant, pomegranate, grapes, wine, cider Herbs & Plants: yarrow, rosemary, sage, mugwort, rosehips, sunflowers, thistle, marigold Stones: amber, citrine, cat’s eye, aventurine, sapphire, jasper Deities: Mabon, Green Man, Demeter, Persephone, Morgan, Pomona, Inanna Animals: owl, stag, blackbird, crow, salmon

One of the central themes of Mabon is gratitude for a bountiful harvest. Today, even if we aren't directly involved in farming, we can still embrace the spirit of Mabon by giving thanks for the abundance in our lives and giving due gratitude for the things we do have in our lives that have served us well.

Named after the ancient Welsh hero named ‘Mabon ap Modron’, meaning Son of Mother, Mabon is the second harvest festival (Lughnasadh being the first, and Samhain being the third). Mabon was said to be held hostage as a baby in the underworld, similar to the story of Persephone and Demeter. The Greek goddess Demeter is closely associated with the Autumn harvest, as it was her grief at losing her daughter, Persephone, that turned the earth from lush to barren cold.

A celebration of not only the bountiful harvest that nature provides, but also the bounty and rewards of all that we have sown and also reaped over the past year. This is not just a time of harvest, but also a time to prepare the way so that new seeds will be able to grow in the future. The Equinox is a natural time in which to sow peace and gratitude. Any and all positive energy sent out at this time will help to ameliorate any discordant energy, both in our personal lives, as well as the world at large.

It is through gratitude that we can attune ourselves to the natural ebb and flow of this seasonal shift. And one way to do this is to create some sort of gratitude list. Begin with the things that we take for granted: clean air to breathe, water to drink, a safe place to sleep. Then move on to those things that you are particularly grateful for. Pay special attention to those people and things in your life that matter to you the most.

Here are some ways to celebrate Mabon:

The easiest and most fun way to celebrate Mabon is to decorate your home, porch, entryway or altar for Autumn. You might set up your altar with symbols of the season, such as acorns, pinecones or cornucopias and candles with autumn colors, like red, orange and brown, can add a warm, cozy ambience to your space. Bring in fresh and dried flowers, if you’re lucky enough to be able to cut your own, even better. Find acorns and pinecones from outside. If you don’t have access to your own, visit a farmer’s market or take a short stroll to the woods.

Go on a nature walk and appreciate the beauty of the changing seasons. Autumn is a time of stunning natural beauty with vibrant hues of red, orange and yellow. Take a leisurely walk to observe any signs that the season is changing. Nature has a way of grounding us and encouraging introspection.

Celebrating Mabon often means indulging in delicious feasts made from the season’s bounty. Incorporate seasonal foods into your meals. Apples, pumpkin, squash, and corn are all traditional Mabon foods. Try crafting apple pie, roasted pumpkin or heat up soups. Spend time with loved ones and enjoy a feast of seasonal foods. Sharing dishes with loved ones can deepen our connection to the season and its blessings.

During your walk or time outside, reflect on the past year. What goals have you achieved and what lessons have you learned? What do you want to release as you move into the darker, introspective months of the year? Consider writing these thoughts down. Write down what no longer serves you on a piece of paper and burn it to symbolize releasing those things.

Cleanse your house and release the negative and stagnant energies.

Light a candle and reflect on your blessings. Consider creating a gratitude journal where you can jot down the things you are thankful for. Create a gratitude list and share it with others. Acknowledging blessings can help connect with the essence of Mabon.

Mabon is a time to celebrate the beauty of the coming autumn season and the abundant harvest it brings. It is a time to let go of the old and embrace the new. It is a time to be grateful for all that we have and to look forward to all that is to come. Whether you choose to celebrate simply or do something bigger, the key is to embrace the essence of the season and the lessons it offers. As you celebrate, may you find harmony and contentment in the changing rhythms of life.

#mabon #wheel of the year #celebrations #holidays #festivals

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sophieinwonderland · 4 months ago

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i think you're losing some scope here. i know the tumblr tags represent more to you, but you clearly have drastically shifted your aims

you don't uplift endogenic systems anymore, not really. you seem more anti-anti-endo than pro-endo these days, and as someone who followed you early on, i have to say i understand but it makes me sad and uncomfortable enough to finally have to say i don't really fully support what's going on here

i know you have been relentlessly abused and slandered for 3 years by a community of people that shifts and grows and changes endlessly, like a ship of theseus of mean teenagers. i know you can and have changed minds. but you no longer seem to care about even that; you really genuinely seem to be lashing out, saying things that are deeply unnerving to endos and anti-endos alike, those with religious trauma AND many with the common sense to know that yes, proselytizing IS often harmful. There is a reason missionaries are tools of colonialism. im almost certain you know this and are just being inflammatory, but the friendly fire is IMMENSE. You look foolish and dangerous to many of us, and again that makes me sad and honestly a little worried for you

i think maybe finding another plural community to post activism in is a good idea, or at the very least a tumblr hiatus. it's ultimately up to you, and you are the arbiter of your own mental health, but please at least consider the things I've said here. i know im on anon but again i have had a lot of respect for you for a long time, especially for staying compassionate and composed given the context, but i couldn't fault you for any of this. i just hope you find something both more productive and more rewarding.

i could totally be misreading this and you are making these decisions for some solely rational reasons and you ARE more active elsewhere, but. i dont know. you dont seem to post positivity like headcanons anymore, just neverending anon hate and intentionally inflammatory (often triggering) pseudo-religious doctrine. that doesn't seem healthy for anyone, including your endogenic follower base

proselytizing IS often harmful. There is a reason missionaries are tools of colonialism. ... you dont seem to post positivity like headcanons anymore

I really do want to get back to the headcanon posts.

At least the big ones seem to take a lot of effort and I haven't really been feeling it for a while.

But I do find it ironic that you would say this when those very posts ARE my proselytism. To the extent that I proselytize my ideology to other communities, these are the posts that I consider most valuable to those aims of gaining outside support.

I don't openly proselytize in the way of "you should become plural and make a tulpa because plurality is cool and will help you feel better" the way Christians might because that feels scummy. Even if early studies are showing mental health gains from tulpamancy and I might be justified in doing so.

But I will make a huge post about how the Avatar is actually plural, trying to tone down my plural language and explain the terms I use in ways that non-plurals will be able to understand, with the intent of introducing them to plurality and get them on board with pro-endo ideology.

And if after learning about plurality, they decide on their own to make a tulpa due to resources I provide, or realize they were already plural because of similar experiences to myself or other systems I interact with then that's a huge win.

Those posts are the gateway, the same way missionaries might provide food or medicine or other types of support to local communities as a gateway, I provide detailed fan theories with lots of pictures to keep them entertained, and make sure to post them all over the tags of that fandom. Any fandom tags that are relevant, and then with plural tags to fill the rest out. In fact, I think of it a two-pronged approach, where plural tags help me get more notes from plurals and cause the post to appear higher up in the fandom tags to reach non-plurals.

You may think my focus has changed... and you'd be right about that. Lately, I've put a lot more focus on arguing. Maybe more than I should.

But as far as "proselytizing" is concerned, those posts you want me to to do more of have been my vehicle for it. Just less overtly.

And I don't think I've been particularly subtle about stating the intent behind them.

I'm stopping just short of some of the most manipulative tactics religions employ, but I'm self-aware enough to realize that I've always only been a few steps from them.

Frankly, if you want to spread an ideology, it would be silly to not look at the most successful ideologies, whether political, religious or even moral philosophies, and figure out why they were able to achieve the dominance they did.

#syscourse

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bonefall · 2 years ago

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do you have any tips on fanclan worldbuilding? cool blog btw! :3

Well, I really love sociology and injecting culture into my Clans, but put story and characters first! Think about what you want to say, what you would like your themes to be, and THEN dive into the environment.

For me, learning some new trivia or tidbit about a plant or animal, or finding something cool in a process, that's all an extra reward to me. Really, what I want to do is make the five Clans feel like a real culture that is molded by their environment.

I want to,

Have more roles within Clans, so that there's more ways to contribute than just fighting and patrolling (especially for characters like Briarlight!!)

Work together more often; cooking or building is a way to do that easily (that's why I picked Torear and Mudclaw as the little cameo cats in the Tunnelbun entry. to show them just casually being brothers. scourge btw was just my partner being funny and we leaned into it i love them)

Include some more concepts of land appreciation and think about what resources they have access to, and how that shapes them

You don't even need a HARD list (I only wrote this out as demonstration) but when you're adding stuff, think about what this says about the culture. Think about what you want to say with a little addition. With tunnelbuns; WindClan has a remnant of a part of their culture they lost, they don't steal from humans without 'repayment', and they're creative.

Maybe your Clan is brutal and rejects new ideas. Maybe they DON'T want cats doing 'soft' things like gardening. You could have two clans with different cultural values in the same biome, and as a result, ClawClan hunts a lot more and GrainClan breeds fat mice.

Then expand on that. You want to show GrainClan being isolated? Make the domestic mice a well-kept secret. ClawClan's benevolent side? Share food when a disease spreads in livestock populations. Show me what the Clans you've created are like.

From there; Pick a location.

You don't have to do what I do where you stick to hard rules and shave out things that could be very cool, but I actually find that working within limitations is a LOT more fun because I have to get creative with what I have!

Plus, when you pick a location you're familiar with, you can actually learn more about the place you live in that way. I learned a lot about rewilding projects in my own area because of one of my FanClans.

As an example, for the Bonefall Rewrite, there is a massive expanded conflict over the Mothermouth Moorland. I learned that flax grows best in a floodplain; a place that has high water levels which completely drain away. So, the area became a floodplain.

If I just gave in and worked backwards to give them silk or cultivated hemp fields or something, the pieces wouldn't have fallen into place.

Learn about your location. Find what's available. Work with the guidelines you set down. Make exceptions when it sparks joy, of course!! But limit them like a treat. Over time, your guidelines will shift anyway as you get into the flow of making your story.

I'm no professional or anything of course. But, that's my advice. Hope it all helps!

#Bone Babble #Bones Gives Advice

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sheeniqueb · 8 months ago

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Toxic to Healthy Relationships Legacy Challenge

Created by Sheenique B

I be loving all these legacy challenges, and I played a lot and I have always wanted to create my own based on toxic upbringings and working to break generational traumas in the SIMS WOOHOO! This is going to be a crazy crazy storyline for you and your sims so get ready for the ride, because there is going to be A LOT of ups and downs in this one.

I love drama but not in my life its very exhausting LOL, but the sims let get it!

This is inspired by my own life I grew up in a pretty toxic environment, but I also had friends who went through similar, and I manage to make it our alive so let’s see if your sims can. Through the trials and tribulations of the sim’s life will your sims continue to be toxic or break the pattern? I am going to conclude some mods in this challenge but to be honest it’s up to you if you want to include them.

Tw: This challenge will cover topics of drug & alcohol abuse, Teen pregnancy, cheating, neglected childhood, mental health issues, adoption, runaway.

You can play with just base game, or you can play with packs.

RULES

You must complete each goal for each generation to move on to the next, now here is the twist I will put two paths for you to choose from. Will you continue the path of trauma or will you continue the path to a healthy new beginning.

Cheats are absolutely allowed omg why not because they’re the best! Use freerealestate to start off and the starting funds is going to be $3000 Simoleons.

Lifespan can be normal or long.

You take sims into cas.fulleditmode add some cool traits in here. I’m having the sim start off with adhd which the main household before Gen 1. I am also using plumlace baby drama mod to have the baby mama trait. Also, chingyu traits and chingyu traits rewards.

If you play this challenge tag me on twitter with a link to your YouTube and #toxictohealthy

Gen 1: Mom’s a Drunk and Dad’s an Addict, GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

Traits: Baby Mama, Hot Headed, Romantic (get extra trait slot)

Aspiration: Super Parent

Start off as a teen, make their parents, and start off in any world you would like. The mom should have the traits, (adhd or any trait you like this is just mine I chose), hot headed, and clubber trait. (aspiration party animal) The father should have the traits, party animal, lazy, and foodie. (aspiration psychonaunt from basemental mods and you do not have to complete the parents’ aspirations).

Your mom was a teen mom and went from home to home through adoption growing up, she met your dad in high school, and he was always dark in nature. Before you know it, she pregnant with you and decides to runaway to a shelter until she gets housing and lets your dad live with her. Your dad becomes addicted to drugs and sits at home and does coke all day or weed, he drinks and eats out the fridge all the time so there is barely food in the fridge. You mom has always been partying going out with friends and coming home drunk, and sometimes you must help her to bed. Your parents are always arguing and sometimes it gets physical and bad (you can use extreme violence mod or not up to you). Your parents receive social assistance to pay the bills in the house, one day your dad takes too much coke and has an overdose, your mom is depressed and stays out for days so one day you take the opportunity to leave once you graduate.

Healthy path: you try your hardest to become an A+ student in high school so you can go to uni and get a degree, you have a boyfriend and get pregnant young but he not there because he a serial cheater, so you must rely on child support and/or a part time job. You end up moving on campus so that you can get out of your parent’s hell hole and raise you kid there, you make supportive friends who help you on the way who allow you to send your kid every other weekend, so you get a break (little ms sam spend the weekend mod). You graduate uni and start working in your desired career, and you don’t care because you just want the be the best parent to yourself and your kid. You meet a coworker, and you guys fall in love and get married and have one more kid, he the best man, father, and stepfather to your kids.

Get A’s in high school till you graduate, you can graduate early or wait.

Have a Boyfriend

Get pregnant.

Become a single mother since boyfriend is not around.

Get a part time job or rely on child support.

Take a specialized degree in any field you want.

Make friends in uni or one best friend from high school so that your kid can go there alternate weekends.

Graduate Uni and get a job.

Buy your first house.

Meet the love of your life & get married.

Have one more kid.

Toxic Path: You party hard during your high school years and get in with the wrong crowd, you start getting into drugs and sleeping around. Your parents don’t really care so there’s no need to sneak around, you fail terribly in school, you don’t plan on going to uni anyway, so you just get a part time job and live your life freely just paycheck to paycheck. You go to a party one Friday night and get so drunk and high that you wake up in the middle of a park, you stumble all the way home, and you make yourself something to eat. Next thing you know your throwing up in the bathroom and you take a test and find out your pregnant. You decide to keep it and you have no idea who your child’s father is, and you don’t plan on stressing to find out. You continue to work your dead-end part-time job just to provide for you and your kid, you’re a good mom till your kid reaches young adult hood and you kick them out. You’re in your 30’s and you want to live your life; you meet a decent guy who also has a part time job, and you guys get married and don’t have anymore kids or do you so you can get baby bonus (money from the government each time you have a child).

Gen 2: Mom was a party animal and raised me to survive on my own but not entirely, she kicks me on my 20th birthday.

Traits: Ambitious, romantic, loyal, Self Assured

Aspiration: Successful Lineage

Luckily, I had a part time job, so I was able to save and get an apartment on my own but I’m still struggling to make ends meet. You decide to go on birth control so you don’t get pregnant, and you decide to get a job so you can make more money and be more stable than your mom. You try a dating app, to see if you can find someone who is worth being with and you end up meeting two guys. You love them both, but you find out that one of them is not ready to settle down, you end up getting pregnant for the guy that doesn’t want to settle down. The other guy still wants you and he doesn’t care if your pregnant for someone else, he just always wanted his own family whatever that looks likes. Do you be with him or chase after the guy that doesn’t want you? You raise your kid, and you make sure you support them financially even when they get older, so they really will be good on their own. You save for them so that they have their choice to go to uni or just be stable. You always be there for them, but it takes you awhile to learn that you end up having another kid for your boyfriend because he such a great father and then he asks you to marry him. Will you marry him?

Healthy path: Make sure you have a part time job so that when your mom kicks you out, you’re not on the street (freerealestate cheat). Get your first cheap apartment while still working your part time job, you decide to go on birth control because you want to be responsible and have a kid when you’re ready. Life doesn’t turn out as planned sometimes, you get a regular job because your tired of struggling but you just work a lot. You reach to a good level where your making good money and now you start dating. You meet two cuties, and you get pregnant for one but the one you get pregnant for doesn’t want you, the other one does, and he wants you, but do you want him? You chose the one who loves you and you guys live a very comfortable life. He helps you raise your kid and then you have another kid for him, you both put money away for your kids, so they have a future. You reach the top level of your career and your fulfilled.

-Get a part time job

-Get a cheap apartment

-Start birth control

-Get a regular job that pays good

- Start dating and fall in love with two guys

- Get pregnant for one of them but he a player

-Date the other option you have

-get married

- buy your first house with your hubby.

-Have one more kid

-Save money for your kids

-Reach the top of your career and live comfortably with your partner

Toxic Path: Make sure you have a part time job so that when your mom kicks you out, you’re not on the street (freerealestate cheat). Get your first cheap apartment while still working your part time job, you decide to go on birth control because you want to be responsible and have a kid when you’re ready. Life doesn’t turn out as planned sometimes, you get a regular job because your tired of struggling but you just work a lot. You reach to a good level where your making good money and now you start dating. You meet two cuties, and you get pregnant for one but the one you get pregnant for doesn’t want you, the other one does, and he wants you, but do you want him? You chose the one who doesn’t love you and you guys move into together because you wouldn’t stop chasing him. He is never home and sometimes you find other panties that are not yours, so he forever cheating. He works but doesn’t help with the kids or the bills, you get pregnant for him again. He cheats AGAIN and get’s another girl pregnant leaves you, gets married to the other girl, kicks you out of your own house so now you move far away with your two kids by yourself, your traumatized so you choose not to marry again and die alone.

-Get a part time job

-Get a cheap apartment

-Start birth control

-Get a regular job

Start dating and fall in love with two guys.

-Get pregnant for the toxic one

-Chase the toxic one until he moves in with you

-Get pregnant again

-Don’t get married (because he doesn’t want to marry you)

-You pay all the bills

- he cheats and gets another girl pregnant

-He gets married to the other woman and kicks you out

- you leave with your kids to another sim world

-Choose not to marry again and die alone

Gen 3: My Mom is alone and I probably going to die alone, so where does that leave me?

Traits: Sugar baby trait (plumlace), High maintenance, materialistic

Aspiration: Mansion Baron

I’m just going to get a sugar daddy so I’m technically not along. I don’t have to struggle with money and I’m not alone, but I also have my space. I’ll adopt when I’m in my young adult year because I have a sugar daddy and he will provide for me and my adopted child, you think I care. Guys are not going to play me I’m going to play them; I’m going to show my kid how to get that shmoneyyyy and not worried d about getting her heart broken because love doe does not exist it’s shitty anyway. Loving myself and putting yourself first is what matters the most. I don’t want to get married, and I don’t want to be with anyone but myself, I just don’t want to get hurt or my kid so I’m going to show them the way. Until one of my high school friends hits me up and admits he like me for the whole high school years we been together, and now he is telling me he wants to be with me. He rich though, but I could be rich on my own or can I have a sugar daddy and whatever me and this high school guy end up being.

Healthy Path: I’m going use my body for the time being to survive, and I’m going to get a sugar daddy when I finish high school. I’m going to move out and live rich and I’m going to have just 1 kid when I turn into my 20’s, I am going to give them the best life ever. I’m going to show them how to get money and not struggle in this world. An old friend hits me up and says he wants me I’m going to try but I’m not making any promises, oh shucks I ended up falling in love and now were getting married and have two more kids. GOODBYE SUGAR DADDY!

-Finish high school and move out when you’re a teen.

-Get a sugar daddy

-live a nice house or apartment off the money you get from being a sugar baby

-Keep in touch with friends from high school

-Adopt a kid when you’re a young adult

-Raise them and spoil with the nicest things

-Show them how to get money as a teen the way you get money

-get in touch with a high school old friend

-date him or not

-stay committed with high school long time friend

-Get Married

-Have two more kids

- ditch sugar daddy

Toxic Path: Yeah fuck this shit called love I’m going to stay getting my money and I don’t care about anyone else I’m just going to keep it short and sweet. Raise my kid, have my house, and she going to have everything I just don’t care what she does I just want to be good and have a nice house and have money.

-stay with sugar daddy

-have a big house or an apartment

-don’t date anyone

-have one kid and raise her to be like you

-when she turns a teen, she can decide what she wants to do, and you will just give her the money

-You don’t care what she does with her life it’s up to her

-stay alone, happy, and rich

Gen 4: Um I get what I want and do whatever I want, so I’m going to write a book on my crazy generational family. Thank God I came out rich and beautiful and the most successful. My mom will give me money anyway and I give no fucks, so I just focus on me, and she focuses on her. I wonder who my parents are but then again, I don’t care. My mom tells me she has some old man providing her money so even if she didn’t give me that I will get my own.

Traits: Snob, Creative, perfectionist

Aspiration: Best Selling Author

Healthy Path: Write a book and named each one after the generations before you are including yours. Finish high school and you can choose to advance for career in uni or work up to the top level. You don’t really care about having kids, so you wait till you’re an adult to create a science baby with anyone.

Finish high school.

Get a job.

Live with your mom until you sell your first book.

Move out and work in the author career.

Become an adult and have a science baby.

Get married when you’re an elder

Toxic Path:

-finish high school

- moms pays uni to accept you lets see if you will get in

-sleep with your mom’s sugar daddy and get pregnant as a young adult

-leave and don’t ever let your mom find out that her grandchild is her sugar daddy kid

-work in the author career

- name at least one book about you sleeping with your mom’s sugar daddy anonymous

-your mom finds out and now you both despise each other

-your mom cuts you off from financial support

-raise your kid until she becomes a teen

-get into a relationship

-stay in a relationship till elder

-get married as an elder

Gen 5: My mom’s a hoe so I’m going to ruin people’s relationships too!

Traits: flirty, nosy, noncommittal

Aspirations: Villain Valentine

Healthy path: I’m a hoe till I fall in love with the one that wants to wife me, and the worst part is I get pregnant with twins soooo I got to stay with him. He early in his career but who cares he takes care of me and the kids. I make enough money to support us on my own until he reaches up there and he a hard worker. But I won’t be having more kids because twins are a lot. Turns out on our anniversary we have a freaky deaky night and I’m pregnant with another set of twins I now hop on birth control, but we got this.

-play with people’s hearts and relationships

- get pregnant for one of your victims with twins

-move in together and support till your partner reaches level 10 in the career

- have more kids unexpectedly (twins)

- start birth control

-live a loyal life to your victim hubby LOL

Toxic Path: I just love woohooing and I don’t care who gets hurt as long as it’s not me LOL but then I get pregnant and I’m just like whyyyy. I keep woohooing until I gave birth and I keep woohooing and I end up pregnant again. I don’t remember my mom having twins in the blood line but suddenly, I have 6 sets of twins and I am not with any of their fathers.

-Play with people’s relationships

-have 6 sets of twins with different suitors

- struggle to raise 6 kids on your own because no one wants to be with you

-until you meet tom peeping and he weirdly obsessed with you, but you don’t care

-marry tom peeping LOL

Gen 6: Do I settle or do I end this stupid toxicity and marry my boss. I just want to be the smartest in the room.

Traits: paranoid, ambitious, proper

Aspirations: computer whiz

Healthy Path: I just want to be stable so I’m going to make sure I’m good before I do anything stupid like have a baby. I’m not leaving my home till I can get a job and then I’m going to marry my boss he older and he stable. Were going to have a kid and I can forget about this weird toxic life my mom has. I’m weird to scared of the dating world and there is so much stds out there like I’m tryna be smart here.

-don’t move out till young adult

-join the tech career

-get close with your boss

- sleep with your boss till you reach the top of your career

-marry your boss

-get pregnant

-only Have one child

-be close with one of your siblings

Toxic path: I just want to woohoo my way to my top I won’t get caught and he got my back. Then his partner finds out and then I find out am pregnant, and I get fired and now I��m like what I’m going to do. I move worlds and change my identity; get another job and I don’t talk to my family because I’m so embarrassed I thought I was smart am not. I hate looking at my kid sometimes like why she is here. I don’t plan on telling her because I just want to hate her not them hating me. I’m too drunk to care anyway.

-move out as a teen

-join tech career

-get close with your boss

-sleep with your boss even if they’re in a connection

-Get pregnant

-get fired because your boss partner found out and is going to black mail him if he doesn’t leave you

- start a new career and move

-raise your kid

- become estranged from your family because your embarrassed

-change your name, your looks, everything

-adopt a new aspiration of your choice

-and adapt to that lifestyle and stay drinking away your mistakes and past

Gen 7: I’m addicted to drinking and my mom just doesn’t really talk to me, and she can’t even look at me sometimes. It’s like she hates me or something or doesn’t want me but just does the bare minimum to raise me. One-night I’m now in high school, she get’s drunk and tells me that she slept with her boss and had me and got fired. Wait so I do have a father? I want to find him or should I what if he can’t talk to me.

Traits: Clubber, Cringe, Nosy

Aspirations: Beach Life

Healthy Path: I will find my father, but I got to get my mom drunk first I’m going to do this as a teen. I’m going to move out as a young adult to the warm world of beaches after I find out who my father is. I deserve to be happy not be in a situation where I’m not wanted. My mom abandoned her family so I’m going to abandon her because that’s her karma.

-find out who your father is by getting your mom drunk and talking to her while watching a movie

-contact your father and meet somewhere and see if he wants relationship with you

-move to the beach world and start a new life

-keep in contact with your dad

- have a boyfriend

- adopt a teen

-see if you see yourself getting committed after having a kid in your life

-bond with your kid over the beach life

-get married to your boyfriend

-work part time because you don’t really care to work you just got inheritance from your father anyway

Toxic Path: I’m just going to drink just like my mom because what she just old me broke my heart I’m just going to become dark, and my style embodies that. My parents both didn’t want me, and I honestly want to pop up at my dad’s house so I can ruin everything over there in his life. Whether that means killing that bitch of a girl he has.

-become addicted to alcohol

-find your father

-kill his wife/ girlfriend

-kill your mom

-leave your moms house and change your name and start a new life

-never give up drinking

-adopt a teen for someone to talk too

-die of alcohol poisoning once your kid becomes a young adult

Gen 8: I just want to be dark, a good person, and alone I just want to have friends and if a kid comes cool maybe I’ll adopt because I was adopted. I honestly want to be goth but a good person not wicked. One day I find out after my mom dies that she killed her mom and her dad’s girl, that’s crazy and I’m so lucky I wasn’t next. I just want to be away from everyone where no one knows I even lived with her. I’m thinking Moon wood Mill 😉.

Traits: Generous, outgoing, good

Aspirations: Leader of the Pack

Healthy Path: I make friends where I live and some people don’t look like humans, but they have a human heart, and I think that’s beautiful. I struggle with my past sometimes, but my friends know my story and their always there for me, especially when I adopted my first kid, I was so happy, and I think I want more honestly. But I just want my friends and my family idk about having a partner because it’s not important to me.

-move to moonwood hill after your mother’s death

-change everything about you

-get a basic job

-make friends and make them become your family have a club to do things together

-adopt a child or two

-have the strongest friend circle and little family

-celebrate every holiday or the ones you want with your friends and kids

-let a friend move in with you when they lose their house

-grow old together

Toxic Path: I only want to make friends so I can know their secrets and use it against them. I adopt a kid or two I treat them better than I ever was but I’m not a role model, just look at my foster parent that’s fucked. So, I’m going to show them what I want and hopefully I get my friends to do what I want by blackmailing them.

-fuck all your friends over

-get your friends to do whatever they want for you

-live in moonwood mill

-adopt two kids raise them as best you can

-live a carefree life manipulating people around you

-you meet a guy who a criminal and loves you so u can be his partner in crime

-you join the criminal career

-and make money illegally but then you get caught and spend a year in jail

- by the time you get out your kids are grown

-they move in with a friend because they never liked your boyfriend

-Karmas a bitch isn’t it

- you die with your criminal boyfriend in a fire

Gen 9: I live with my sibling, and we just work and support each other, and we just try a best because we can only rely on each other. Our mother was crazy and a wicked friend luckily, we move in with one of the friend’s who she betrayed, and they took us in and now were good. I’m going to uni and my sibling just wants to work and help our new parent, which is fine, but I want more out of life.

-complete uni

-be close with your sibling

-live at home till your graduate

-move with your sibling and start a life together

-work and have kids and raise them together even have both of your boyfriends move in, you guys just want a close family.

-you all grow old together and you kids never leave the nest

Toxic Path: My sibling slept with my man while we were living together, she got pregnant for him and ran off wtf. Now I’m stuck with her man and both of our kids, her man eventually gets far in the career to support him, and his kid and they move far out of this town. I’m alone with my kid and I don’t want to get revenge in the way she did. So, word on the block she struggling financially with My EX, so im going to make sure I join the same job as him and become his boss and get him fired so that they end up on their streets. Best know im not leaving this town till I do. My kid is going to have to wait even though she misses her cousin and were planning to move where they move so they can be close again. She goes there every other weekend whenever they can take her. We have become great friends me and her cousin’s father but nothing more. That’s respect.

-get cheated on by your man

- become enemies with your sibling

-join the same career as your ex and become his boss and fire him

-get rich and move closer to your brother-in-law become a close-knit family again

-your sibling dies, and you don’t go to the funeral

-you get sick, and you give all your money to your kid

-You move her with her cousin because you know your dying and that’s okay because you got justice for you and your fam

-You die asleep

Gen 10: I miss my mom she my hero and I love my uncle and cousin so much. But there’s nothing like being with your mom. I pass by the house sometimes to mourn her I make it a tradition. I just want to end my life knowing I am a great mother like her, she left me all her money am basically rich. I just want to do good in this world but first I just want to be a stay-at-home parent to three of my own kids. I try to be as happy as I can but honestly it just sucks sometimes, I feel like ending my life too.

Traits: gloomy, generous, romantic

Aspirations: Big Happy Family

Healthy Relationship: I make it a tradition every season to mourn my mom and pass by her house to celebrate who she was. It is my motivation to be a great parent to my kids because I always have her spirit with me which keeps me going. I do cry myself to sleep sometimes and I do feel gloomy because she died alone, and she didn’t want me to see it. But maybe that’s her own demons she had to deal with. I will raise my kids as much as I can and tell them about their grandmother in hopes they see me as their hero.

-make it a holiday that you go see your mom old house (you can keep her tombstone on the lot and just to mourn or you don’t have too.)

- You have three kids with your partner, but you end up separating when their teenagers

-your happy with the divorce so you just co parent

-you adopt three more kids because it feels a bit lonely sometimes

-you make sure all the money you have is spilt between all of them and that their always safe and secure.

-Retire from your job

- Have one kid live with you and you help them raise your grandkids until your time has passed

Toxic Path: Wow this is going to be short! After you have three kids with your partner you just can’t get over the fact your mom died. So, you end up committing suicide on your daughter’s 16th birthday. Your spirit is sad you left your family but is happy you’re with your mom now.

-make it a tradition to see you rmom and mourn

-have three kids but be so in your own world

- make a lot of money in your career

#sims 4 #sims 4 gameplay #sims 4 legacy #share #500 likes #sims 4 simmer

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sheeniqueb1996 · 8 months ago

Text

Toxic to Healthy relationship Legacy Challenge

Created by Sheenique B

I love drama but not in my life its very exhausting LOL, but the sims let get it!

Tw: This challenge will cover topics of drug & alcohol abuse, Teen pregnancy, cheating, neglected childhood, mental health issues, adoption, runaway.

You can play with just base game, or you can play with packs.

RULES

Cheats are absolutely allowed omg why not because they’re the best! Use freerealestate to start off and the starting funds is going to be $3000 Simoleons.

Lifespan can be normal or long.

If you play this challenge tag me on twitter with a link to your YouTube and #toxictohealthy

Gen 1: Mom’s a Drunk and Dad’s an Addict, GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

Traits: Baby Mama, Hot Headed, Romantic (get extra trait slot)

Aspiration: Super Parent

Get A’s in high school till you graduate, you can graduate early or wait.

Have a Boyfriend

Get pregnant.

Become a single mother since boyfriend is not around.

Get a part time job or rely on child support.

Take a specialized degree in any field you want.

Make friends in uni or one best friend from high school so that your kid can go there alternate weekends.

Graduate Uni and get a job.

Buy your first house.

Meet the love of your life & get married.

Have one more kid.

Gen 2: Mom was a party animal and raised me to survive on my own but not entirely, she kicks me on my 20th birthday.

Traits: Ambitious, romantic, loyal, Self Assured

Aspiration: Successful Lineage

-Get a part time job

-Get a cheap apartment

-Start birth control

-Get a regular job that pays good

- Start dating and fall in love with two guys

- Get pregnant for one of them but he a player

-Date the other option you have

-get married

- buy your first house with your hubby.

-Have one more kid

-Save money for your kids

-Reach the top of your career and live comfortably with your partner

-Get a part time job

-Get a cheap apartment

-Start birth control

-Get a regular job

Start dating and fall in love with two guys.

-Get pregnant for the toxic one

-Chase the toxic one until he moves in with you

-Get pregnant again

-Don’t get married (because he doesn’t want to marry you)

-You pay all the bills

- he cheats and gets another girl pregnant

-He gets married to the other woman and kicks you out

- you leave with your kids to another sim world

-Choose not to marry again and die alone

Gen 3: My Mom is alone and I probably going to die alone, so where does that leave me?

Traits: Sugar baby trait (plumlace), High maintenance, materialistic

Aspiration: Mansion Baron

-Finish high school and move out when you’re a teen.

-Get a sugar daddy

-live a nice house or apartment off the money you get from being a sugar baby

-Keep in touch with friends from high school

-Adopt a kid when you’re a young adult

-Raise them and spoil with the nicest things

-Show them how to get money as a teen the way you get money

-get in touch with a high school old friend

-date him or not

-stay committed with high school long time friend

-Get Married

-Have two more kids

- ditch sugar daddy

-stay with sugar daddy

-have a big house or an apartment

-don’t date anyone

-have one kid and raise her to be like you

-when she turns a teen, she can decide what she wants to do, and you will just give her the money

-You don’t care what she does with her life it’s up to her

-stay alone, happy, and rich

Traits: Snob, Creative, perfectionist

Aspiration: Best Selling Author

Finish high school.

Get a job.

Live with your mom until you sell your first book.

Move out and work in the author career.

Become an adult and have a science baby.

Get married when you’re an elder

Toxic Path:

-finish high school

- moms pays uni to accept you lets see if you will get in

-sleep with your mom’s sugar daddy and get pregnant as a young adult

-leave and don’t ever let your mom find out that her grandchild is her sugar daddy kid

-work in the author career

- name at least one book about you sleeping with your mom’s sugar daddy anonymous

-your mom finds out and now you both despise each other

-your mom cuts you off from financial support

-raise your kid until she becomes a teen

-get into a relationship

-stay in a relationship till elder

-get married as an elder

Gen 5: My mom’s a hoe so I’m going to ruin people’s relationships too!

Traits: flirty, nosy, noncommittal

Aspirations: Villain Valentine

-play with people’s hearts and relationships

- get pregnant for one of your victims with twins

-move in together and support till your partner reaches level 10 in the career

- have more kids unexpectedly (twins)

- start birth control

-live a loyal life to your victim hubby LOL

-Play with people’s relationships

-have 6 sets of twins with different suitors

- struggle to raise 6 kids on your own because no one wants to be with you

-until you meet tom peeping and he weirdly obsessed with you, but you don’t care

-marry tom peeping LOL

Gen 6: Do I settle or do I end this stupid toxicity and marry my boss. I just want to be the smartest in the room.

Traits: paranoid, ambitious, proper

Aspirations: computer whiz

-don’t move out till young adult

-join the tech career

-get close with your boss

- sleep with your boss till you reach the top of your career

-marry your boss

-get pregnant

-only Have one child

-be close with one of your siblings

Toxic path: I just want to woohoo my way to my top I won’t get caught and he got my back. Then his partner finds out and then I find out am pregnant, and I get fired and now I’m like what I’m going to do. I move worlds and change my identity; get another job and I don’t talk to my family because I’m so embarrassed I thought I was smart am not. I hate looking at my kid sometimes like why she is here. I don’t plan on telling her because I just want to hate her not them hating me. I’m too drunk to care anyway.

-move out as a teen

-join tech career

-get close with your boss

-sleep with your boss even if they’re in a connection

-Get pregnant

-get fired because your boss partner found out and is going to black mail him if he doesn’t leave you

- start a new career and move

-raise your kid

- become estranged from your family because your embarrassed

-change your name, your looks, everything

-adopt a new aspiration of your choice

-and adapt to that lifestyle and stay drinking away your mistakes and past

Traits: Clubber, Cringe, Nosy

Aspirations: Beach Life

-find out who your father is by getting your mom drunk and talking to her while watching a movie

-contact your father and meet somewhere and see if he wants relationship with you

-move to the beach world and start a new life

-keep in contact with your dad

- have a boyfriend

- adopt a teen

-see if you see yourself getting committed after having a kid in your life

-bond with your kid over the beach life

-get married to your boyfriend

-work part time because you don’t really care to work you just got inheritance from your father anyway

-become addicted to alcohol

-find your father

-kill his wife/ girlfriend

-kill your mom

-leave your moms house and change your name and start a new life

-never give up drinking

-adopt a teen for someone to talk too

-die of alcohol poisoning once your kid becomes a young adult

Traits: Generous, outgoing, good

Aspirations: Leader of the Pack

-move to moonwood hill after your mother’s death

-change everything about you

-get a basic job

-make friends and make them become your family have a club to do things together

-adopt a child or two

-have the strongest friend circle and little family

-celebrate every holiday or the ones you want with your friends and kids

-let a friend move in with you when they lose their house

-grow old together

-fuck all your friends over

-get your friends to do whatever they want for you

-live in moonwood mill

-adopt two kids raise them as best you can

-live a carefree life manipulating people around you

-you meet a guy who a criminal and loves you so u can be his partner in crime

-you join the criminal career

-and make money illegally but then you get caught and spend a year in jail

- by the time you get out your kids are grown

-they move in with a friend because they never liked your boyfriend

-Karmas a bitch isn’t it

- you die with your criminal boyfriend in a fire

-complete uni

-be close with your sibling

-live at home till your graduate

-move with your sibling and start a life together

-work and have kids and raise them together even have both of your boyfriends move in, you guys just want a close family.

-you all grow old together and you kids never leave the nest

-get cheated on by your man

- become enemies with your sibling

-join the same career as your ex and become his boss and fire him

-get rich and move closer to your brother-in-law become a close-knit family again

-your sibling dies, and you don’t go to the funeral

-you get sick, and you give all your money to your kid

-You move her with her cousin because you know your dying and that’s okay because you got justice for you and your fam

-You die asleep

Traits: gloomy, generous, romantic

Aspirations: Big Happy Family

-make it a holiday that you go see your mom old house (you can keep her tombstone on the lot and just to mourn or you don’t have too.)

- You have three kids with your partner, but you end up separating when their teenagers

-your happy with the divorce so you just co parent

-you adopt three more kids because it feels a bit lonely sometimes

-you make sure all the money you have is spilt between all of them and that their always safe and secure.

-Retire from your job

- Have one kid live with you and you help them raise your grandkids until your time has passed

-make it a tradition to see you rmom and mourn

-have three kids but be so in your own world

- make a lot of money in your career

-on one of your kid’s 16th birthdays you commit suicide!

Enjoy this challenge! I know it’s a lot whew I’m tired of typing and I’m ready to try my own challenge now. Love ya!

-Sheenique B

#sims 4 #sims 4 gameplay #sims 4 legacy #sims 4 creator #sims 4 cc #sims 4 cas #sims #sims 4 custom content #sims 4 build #my sims

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