#it’s really terrifying to think about too much honestly lol like it makes me just wanna drop out

[prozach27]

.

[captainjonnitkessler]

While unsurprising, the rhetoric being spewed by Louisiana's lawmakers is fucking terrifying to me.

I feel so lucky that I was raised by a bunch of atheist because honestly I managed to go the majority of my childhood happy, without being shamed or acquiring a persecution complex...but now looking out at the current climate we live in...damn, they really hate us, don't they? I mean "godless" is one of the main insults getting thrown around on most campaign trails, which isn't new it just hurts.

I feel like I am a bad person because I only just found out about what's going on in Louisiana.

Sorry, just screaming into the void a bit. I hope you have a good day

For anyone who's not aware, Louisiana just passed a law requiring every single public classroom in the state, from kindergarten to college, to display the Ten Commandments.

Unfortunately, this is just the latest in the rapidly-escalating war between Christofascists and secularism. Multiple states have proposed this law, Louisiana is just the first to actually pass it. Oklahoma's Department of Education is claiming that they're going to force teachers to start teaching from the Bible. Seven states have passed laws requiring schools to display "In God We Trust" signs.

Here's the thing I think a lot of people on this site are too young to remember or weren't involved enough in religious politics to notice, and the reason the "edgy atheist who just hates religion" stereotype has gained so much traction on here: The New Atheist movement was very much a response to constant barrages of shit like this. Getting America to be even as secular as it is has been a constant struggle. Conservatives have been openly blaming atheists for school shootings, mass murders, and serial killers for decades. People who stand up and try to get religion taken out of schools and government immediately become targets for massive hate and harassment campaigns. People - conservatives and liberals alike - react with hatred and anger whenever someone stands up to get religion out of places where it doesn't belong. I think the past fifteen years or so have gotten a lot of people believing that separation of church and state is an obviously "safe" position that almost everyone is in favor of, but it very much is not and never has been.

I believe that conservatives are going to try to use the current Supreme Court to essentially abolish the separation of church and state, largely because many of them are openly stating their intent to do so. Louisiana is already being sued about this - if it makes its way to the Supreme Court, I think there's a decent chance of the current court ruling in favor of Louisiana, which is going to unleash the floodgates of Christian propaganda in public schools. It is frankly a dire situation, so I'm sorry if you were here looking for reassurance lol.

As always, the best action I can recommend is to get involved. You're definitely not a bad person for not knowing about this! But if you want to stay on top of religious news, I recommend the Friendly Atheist blog. The Freedom From Religion Foundation fights to get laws like this taken down. You can check your local city for secular humanist meetups. You don't want to burn out or enter a doom spiral by only ever dwelling on bad news, but I find that having people to talk to or action you can take is a good way to ward off despair.

And please, please, vote. Vote in federal and state elections, vote in your local city council elections, vote in your school board elections. A LOT of this is happening at local levels, and being involved in your local politics is possibly the most effective thing you can do!

[luna-loveboop]

Time. Worried about Wars.

Time. Worried about Wars. Time is worried about Wars- Time has to be so freaking scared for Wars I-

Warriors is going into his first dungeon which has challenges for how he should deal with it, and Time is stressed. Ima rant about it

At this point (update Entrance) Time is obviously... well, terrified. His concern for mr. stubborn after his injury is obvious and he wants to make sure it does not happen again

And his concerns are valid- they are all now painfully aware of their lack of skills in working as a team. And they are heading into a dungeon- where that instantly results in stuff like this lol

And then Wars openly says that he has never done this before

The group is obviously uhh concerned that he hasn't done this or had any dungeon experience

'No dungeon experience?' / 'Has he even seen certain monsters before?'

Time wanted to stay in a group for safety- but they have to split up. Dungeons are cramped and messy and small, and Wars is used to fighting on a battlefield - not this sort of setting

And they still joke around about it- and Wars instantly starts analyzing.

'Tell me. Give me the intel' / 'This isn't practical'

Honestly Wars' response to this is pretty cool- it's totally in line with who he is as a captain and hero. He instantly starts thinking about it and treating it as a different type of battlefield to figure out strategy. Also I think it's pretty cute that he said 'intel' even if he's grumpy about asking the others for advice and what a wallmaster is

Wars can handle it and learn what a dungeon's like- I think it'll be fun to see him go through his first dungeon :D

But. He's still never done a dungeon before. It will be interesting to see how that develops in this arc... and let's not forget he's pissed the shadow and his emo sword off before. This isn't where he fights best and Wars is particularly vulnerable in a major way.

Time was already stressed about mr. stubborn Twilight, but hearing that the captain, that Warriors isn't prepared for this is. Extra scary. I just think he must be really concerned for him- for all of them. And now mr. reliable is in a learning position and not a leading one

Their faces fjdkfsjdksjsk

But these are his boys and he'll have to trust that they'll be ok. Therefore I think this was Time's thinking:

Time, thinking: "Dungeon. A dungeon oh this is dangerous- no one can get hurt-"

Wars: "can't say I've really been in one"

Time, absolutely sobbing internally: "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE RELIABLE ONE"

.

Art by @linkeduniverse au :))

:)

Hey, don't worry too much about it I'm sure it'll be fine :) (mostly)

[heartsoji]

haikyuu boys with an s/o who's really scared of horror movies

pairings: iwaizumi x reader, oikawa x reader, tsukishima x reader, bokuto x reader

a/n: lol this is me i actually cannot with horror like at all

warnings: post-timeskip in iwaizumi's

iwaizumi hajime

iwaizumi's pretty good with horror movies

occasionally, he'll be a little caught off-guard with a sudden jumpscare, but he's pretty much fine otherwise

now YOU..

you are not ok.

you are screaming, hiding, and tearing up

he honestly doesn't really understand what's so scary about them

since i hc iwaizumi to be a realist, he'd be like

it's a movie. it was filmed. those are actors. it's so obvious none of that stuff could ever happen in real life

still, he understands that you're really scared and tries his best to comfort you

time to put those beefy athletic trainer arms to work

he lets you cling onto them for the whole movie and lets you use then as a stress ball

iwaizumi's a traditional, old school, cheesy hopeless romantic. convince me otherwise.

therefore, his method of comfort usually comes in the form of soothing words and back rubs in his arms

its actually quite nice. he lets you scream into his titties (HE HAS TITTIES AND THEYRE MORE ROCK SOLID THAN REGINA GEORGE'S MOM'S. CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE.)

when you're truly scared scared (like heart pounding, sobs racking ur body, you're def gonna get rlly bad nightmares type of scared scared)

he will probs turn it off bc he thinks that no movie ending is worth this much terror

he cares about you a lot, after all. he thinks its slightly amusing when you're screaming your head off at the obviously fake blood, but he would never want you to be fearful for real

rubs your back and whispers soothing words into your ear

"its ok" "i'm right here" "don't worry, i'd protect you if they ever came" type of stuff

after you've calmed down a bit, he'll try to make you laugh

jokes, tickles, anything, really!

he hates seeing you scared. he just wants you to be happy

10/10. marry me sir.

oikawa tooru

lol

hate to break it to you but

tooru is equally as scared of horror movies

you guys have to cuddle up in blanket burritos together and scream at every jumpscare

honestly you both only make it through the movie through sheer willpower

if you're crying, he'll try to comfort you, but tbh he's pretty damn scared himself

however, once the movie is over, he's totally fine

movie forgotten. out of memories. what movie should you guys watch next?

but YOU

you're still crying

you're still really shaken up

you're def gonna have nightmares

he takes that opportunity to be the manly man he is and swoops you up bridal style

he's very charming. he looks at you in the most dazzling, heart-melting way

lol boy u were just crying too stfu

he cuddles you close, and just like iwa, whispers sweet words into your ear

however, unlike iwa, they're much more...childish? playful? how to describe them..

"it'll be ok. your big, strong, boyfriend will protect anything that tries to hurt his princess" "*dramatic gasp* YOU DON'T THINK I'M CAPABLE OF FIGHTING IT OFF BY MYSELF? HOW COULD YOU UNDERESTIMATE ME LIKE THIS? THIS.. THIS IS BETRAYAL" "they don't even look that strong. im sure i could hit a volleyball at one and it would rip into two!"

stuff like that

he would make sure to cuddle you extra close that night

overall, he's pretty fun and is good at making everything seem less serious. 8.5/10!

tsukishima kei

honestly, he's as affected by horror movies at the average guy

he doesn't find them as terrifying as oikawa, but he's definitely not as unaffected as iwaizumi

but you'd never know that

why?

he just hides his emotions really, really well

also he just sometimes focuses on the wall behind the tv and drowns out the voices

he just sits through them and bears them, basically

now, why? why in the world would he do this when he doesn't even enjoy it?

to make fun of you, duh. shouldn't that have been obvious?

when you leap 30ft out of your seat into the air, he laughs at you

he'll even add onto your fear by like grazing your opposite shoulder when you aren't looking and pretending he didn't do it

hes a brat

but honestly, he partially enjoys it when you spring onto him at the jump scares, no matter how much he denies it

as we all know, the boys a lil shy about asking for affection

with horror movies, he gets your affection without even asking for it! yay!

but once the movies over, if you're really shaken up, he'll use his giant beanpole arms and spoon you until you fall asleep

but then he'll be an ass about it the following week

pokes, grabs, jabs you and will say,

"huh? it wasn't me. maybe it was the (wtv villain or ghost or spirit or wtv from the movie)!"

2/10. makes fun of you and makes the movie even scarier tbh. the 2 points r only bc of the comfort he gives after its over.

bokuto koutaro

like most things in life, bokuto goes between two extremes, and never crosses into the middle

he's either having super insane cut shots that go BOOM

OR he's doing awful and is in his emo mode

same thing with this

he either isn't affected by it at all and just laughs

or he screams when the character breathes a lil too heavily

now, if he thinks the movie's not scary at all, he's pretty good to watch with if you're super scared

during the scary parts, he lets you cling onto his beefy arm while he just watches the movie in amusement

like there's a really scary scene where there's a huge jumpscare into the most climatic scene in the movie and you're burying your face into his arm but in the background you just hear:

"HAHAHAHAHA! Y/N Y/N! YOU GOTTA SEE THIS! HE'S...HE'S GETTING CHASED BY THIS GREY LITTLE CHILD! HAHAHAHA ITHIHIHIT'S EYES LOOK LIKE TAPIOCAAHAHAAHA"

"oh the grey little child is smiling! it's kinda cute! why is the main character guy sweating? he looks like me right after a long game"

"why'd the grey little child pull a purple thing out of his throat? what's that? i wonder what it tastes like though..i think it would be a thick gummy texture, but maybe a little gooey on the inside. definitely grape-flavored. the really sweet artificial good one. oh.. now i want a gummy!"

yeah

he definitely makes it less scary because he makes all the scary stuff seem really stupid

honestly pretty nice. you might not get as many nightmares because of him

now

when he's terrified, he's more terrified than you

*main character sneezes* "AHHHHHHH"

think oikawa x 800

mhm

honestly, you kind of have to take the comfort role even though you're deathly afraid of horror movies

"kou, he's just walking. its ok."

honestly he makes it seem less scary like this too because it forces you to see why the movie isn't actually that scary because you have to find out the reasons to comfort him

8.7/10. a sweetie

[yandere-sins]

So... Honkai Star Rail... have you met Dr. Ratio yet? I have literally seen him twice so far and he has my whole being in a vice grip. Man has either put me in direct danger or towered ominously over me and acted completely dismissive the entire time. I am not okay.

I have met him! (However brief that was because I'm not sure if there's more of him when you defeat the boss (and I struggle with the bosses because I don't build support characters, yes >-<)) I saw him and I knew this one is also going into my pathetic yandere shoebox with Argenti, and I wish I could see more of him because I so wanna get into his personality and yandere-fy him lol

All I can say is... since Argenti I am really into pathetic yans and Ratio just fits sooo good in that category.

Don't get me wrong, he probably started out pretty scary! He has that manipulative, confident, cocky attitude that will make everyone turn on you for being rude and conceited when you try to go against what he's preaching. He'll absolutely try to separate you from you friends and coworkers until he's that saint that still allows you to tag along with him. No one will really mind if one day he just doesn't bring you back to work. Keeps you snug and locked up and terrified in his private hideouts, enjoying that he gets to lord over you. He'll be so enarmored with the thought you now need him, you can't say anything against him, Ratio is the one you have to submit to if you want to survive in the paradise he's creating for himself.

The towering over you probably happens a lot (at night as he watches you sleep and trying to understand you) because he wants so desperately to be acknowledged by you, not even caring if it means he has to be creepy or a stalker watching the camera feed of your room. And when you don't do what he wants you to, he tries, he really tries to ignore you, lock you up and leave the whole planet if he must, but his thoughts are always circling back to you, his heart always wondering what you're doing and if you are lonely and thinking of him.

But the thing is, the situation is scary and all, but he's not exactly an example punisher from the beginning.

So yeah, I see him to a 180 after he has aquired a darling, no more pondering about science or math (I don't even know yet what exactly he is into even) but about how to make his darling like him because they really don't. Darling is just sitting their reading their book, throwing in a "mhm" - "yeah" - "sure" while he's talking, and Ratio is getting really desperate over the lack of acknowledgement and the kind of connection he wants with his darling. It's his own fault, considering he completely ignored all the reasoning and pleading you did in the beginning. And when there weren't as many awful punishments, you just grew numb to the fear of his presence.

I can just see him throw a damn fit about his darling ignoring him. Either in their presence or out of their sight, but this man hates hates hates not being in the center of his darling's attention when he demands it and he's being really pathetic about it.

The problem is just that he really expects too much from his darling. He'll be good and feed them and give them books (reluctantly even one that the darling wants and not only the other five he wants them to read so they can talk about his interests) and expect praises and teary eyes and so many thanks that honestly, he'll just be so heartbroken when the darling is "okay, thanks" and goes back to not acknowledging him or his good deeds.

And yes, he has his scary moments where he takes his darlings out on "dates" into situation that frankly would not end well for them without his presence. But he does not understand why they are angry and crying from stress and fear after he took them out and even defended them from dangers.

Ratio has times where he punishes his darling or forces them to do something they don't want to do mercilessly. Where he uses them as needed for experiments or puts them in dangerous situations, knowing it's wrong, but using these moments to put him into a better light with his darling. He might be cunning, but once he realises that really, what is the darling supposed to do except shutting down when they meet deaf ears with every other reaction? Ratio begins to panic and that makes him into such a sweet, pathetic yandere, desperate for his darling.

Anyhow, I'm sure he can be scary temperamental, but I also like to think he's just not entirely made for having the upper hand in a relationship. (Sorry, I had these thoughts for such a long time, hope it was okay to jump on yours! I know they are a little different but your thoughts about him are super valid as well ♥)

[yandere-daydreams]

Feel free to ignore this! I'm just v sleep deprived and having brain rot inspired by some things I saw in ur writing and thought it may be up ur alley. Also this brainrot thingy is mainly aimed at readers who have the ability to get pregnant so if that don't sit right with you feel free to ignore it or change aspects of it!

Hear me out right. A mix of the sex doll au and hybrid au (either fox or husky) for childe. But like in the doll au how he replaces components as a form of trying to live out the dad fantasy? Yeah that but in the hybrid au. Like reader is trying to rehabilitate this poor little baby fox kit/husky puppy that's really sickly and was abandoned. Childe basically looks at the reader playing nurse/mommy for this poor thing almost 24/7 (his attention is being deprived lol) and goes "oh yeah that little one is ours duh". He starts exhibiting protective dad behavior while simultaneously being like "look at how good of a job I can do".

Follow up to that the pup/kit either gets better and can be handed off to another conservationist who has other young hybrids and would do a better job at caring for them in a group environment with other hybrid kiddos so there's less of a risk of em becoming too domesticated. And reader is supper bummed out about it for a while bc all their attention was zoned in on this one really precious little one and now they've moved onto bigger pastures 🥲. Meanwhile childe sees this and is like "oh now I can both console my mate in their grief, I've proven I'm a capable partner, I can totally help them make new little ones!"

Take all of that inspo/brainstorming as u will. Also if you consider people submitting ideas as commissions I apologize for misunderstanding! Did not intend to overstep 🙇‍♀️

tw - implied violence, child neglect/abandonment, and obsessive behavior.

fjdkljdfksdj i think this would probably be more plausible with husky!childe, but something about this scenario with fox!childe is just,,,

it'd just be so sweet to watch him dote over the tiny, terrified kit one of your friends found shivering in a snowbank. you really aren't qualified to take care of such a young hybrid, but while you scramble to get a hold of a more experienced volunteer, childe picks up the slack. despite being old enough to walk, the poor thing barely leaves his arms. he handles their near-hourly feedings, modifies the ill-fitting clothes you pull out of storage to accommodate their tail and hind legs, even lets them crawl between you and him at night and violate his cardinal rule (no one else gets to so much as touch your bed except for him - an unspoken law that's resulted in more than a few bitten hands and bleeding guests). he does his best to put a dent in their never-ending energy, and when it's time for you to take over, he's never more than a few feet away, wagging his tail as you take the kit's temperature and try to convince them to swallow a few drops of medicine. and, when you finally contact a volunteer with a small shelter and a pack of orphaned kits, childe seems as happy as you are, rubbing his cheek against theirs as he tells them that they'll be home soon enough. it's sweet, even if fox-hybrid dynamics are, admittedly, a little lost on you. honestly, you're just relieved you'll be able to sleep through the night again.

at least, you're relieved until you get back from work the next day, until you find your door unlocked and your apartment wrecked, furniture overturned and rust-colored stains soaked into your carpeting. you find childe on the foot of your bed, bouncing a crying kit in his lap and gushing them quietly, but he doesn't look concerned. if anything, his posture is slack, the smile written across his face nothing short of ecstatic. he looks calm. he looks happy.

he looks like someone who only just found his way home.

[gummygowon]

wanna be yours | choi san

word count: 8k (longest one yet lads)

genre: non-idol au, experienced!san x best friend/virgin!reader, fluff, smidges of angst, and smut

warnings: pwp, protected sex, slight hair-pulling?, cunnilingus f receiving, the concept of virginity, drinking and i think that's it? but please lmk if i missed anything!

a/n: this is my first like smut-smut so please so beware lol but other than that i'm really proud of how this turned out! also this is dedicated and a belated xmas present to @agustdiv1ne bc she has helped me sm with this oneshot omfg (ty again bae <;3)

the friday night after finals could only mean one thing. getting absolutely shitfaced at mingi's before going back home from university. because how else are you supposed to de-stress in college?

although you weren't at that level of drunk yet at the small house party your friend hosted, you still agreed to play truth or dare like immature high schoolers.

following a giggling hyejoo to the living room, you hear seonghwa asking something about being too old to be playing such a childish game followed by wooyoung pointing out that he still came over to play so who cares. sitting in between hyejoo and san, you naturally gravitate towards your best friend linking your arm with his for warmth.

"hi sannie." you beam brightly at him, you cheeks flushed red from the alcohol.

"hi y/n." he smiles down at you again, his dimple poking out. san didn't drink that much tonight since he was a lightweight and didn't want to feel whatever terrifying concoction mingi and jongho made up in the kitchen in preparation for the people who didn't want to answer their truth or do their dares.

after settling down in a rough circle, wooyoung starts the game by asking yeosang if he ever got caught masturbating which lead him to go take a shot of the mystery juice. the shot caused him to gag horribly after he downed it leading to jongho and mingi high-fiving each other in accomplishment.

next, yeosang got karina to admit some dirty secret of her hooking with her ta in calc causing giselle to shout out about her doubts of karina's grade being so high in calc for someone who doesn't go to class. as the game went on, hyejoo and yunho ended up topless and honjoong and san fell victim to the mystery juice and was even tipsier than when the game started. you on the other hand were dared to go lick either wooyoung's toe or shoe and you opted for the shoe of course because you did not where his feet have been and you had to confess to ever surviving a no nut november (last year you almost folded but still got through). this turn however, things got a little more interesting.

wooyoung had dared you to go make out with san in a closet and although no one knew about your little secret crush on san besides hyejoo, wooyoung had a knack for knowing who everyone was into. it was scary honestly, he predicted a lot of relationships and figured out who was who's sneaky link.

"so, what's it gonna be y/n? shot or closet?" wooyoung presses with a smirk on his face. he knew. oh, that fucker.

your eyes drift to san to make sure he was comfortable with the idea which lead to him shrugging his shoulders, "i'm down if you're okay with it."

with a tug, you pull san up from his seat and look wooyoung dead in the eye, "closet."

"alright then," he claps his hands as he gets up to usher you to the storage closet in the living room, "come out whenever you're ready, we're gonna keep playing while we wait, alright lovebirds?"

you roll your eyes and shoo wooyoung away from the door, "fuck off."

with the shut of the door, you realize how close you were to san. whatever nerves you had from the wave of courage you had five minutes ago disappeared more and more as san looked down at you.

"we don't have to do it, if you don’t want to." he reassures as he reaches for your arms in order to comfort you.

"i w-wanna do it." you stutter making your heart beat out of your chest even more. "i'm just-i've never done it before."

san looks at you perplexed, he knew about all the terrible dates and weird exes you had so he assumed that you at least made out with them. "i thought-"

"i didn't, i haven't even lost my virginity yet and now i'm really scared because i'm kissing my best friend who probably thinks they're a prude and what if i'm really bad and i mess things up and you hate it for it and-"

to shut you up, san presses his lips against yours as you melt into the kiss and allow him to take over. with a smooth swipe of his tongue, you part your lips slightly just enough for him to slip in earning a sweet moan from you. his hand sneaks his way to the back of your head to pull you even closer to him and further deepen the kiss.

when you pull back, your lipstick was all over his face and your lips were puffy and swollen. your eyes were locked on san as he put his forehead on yours, his eyes closed as he chest heaved up and down to catch his breath.

"you're not so bad." he comments, still not looking up at you. "fast learner if anything."

"san!" you whine, slapping san on the shoulder causing him to open his eyes.

he backs up, trying to get away from you as much as he can in the cramped closet, "hey, i'm giving you a compliment."

"that's a shitty compliment." you fire back with a pout on your lips as your eyes focus on the floor.

swiftly, san reaches your chin with his thumb forcing you to look up at him. without even hesitating, san leans in kissing the pout off of your lips. with a sudden spark of rebellion, you pull at the belt loops on his pants and pull him close to you catching san by surprise.

this time san is the first one to pull away to catch his breath. "see, you're a fast learner." he breathlessly teases.

"i'm leaving." you half-joke as you reach for the door knob.

san immediately reaches for your arm, pulling you back into him, "nope, you're helping me clean this up." he states as he points to the lipstick smeared all over his face before feeling the wall around him for the lights.

"aren't you old enough to do this yourself?" you whine as you lick your thumb and try to rub off the pink lip gloss off his plump lips.

"yeah, but i want you to do it." san answers as he places his hands on your waist. absentmindedly, he begins to rub small circles onto your hips as you quietly undo the damage you did to his lips.

san probably didn't notice the effect he had on you but holy fucking shit your face felt ten times warmer than it was when you were kissing him. it could be the alcohol settling in possibly but who knows. maybe san just had that effect on you.

"you know san, you're really fucking hot." you confess without thinking as you wipe the lip gloss off your fingers. "i would date you, if i could."

it took a minute for san to process what the fuck you just said. there was a high chance he misheard you but if he did hear you correctly well, he's gonna keep you in here for another minute or so.

before san could even respond or even act out, you realize what you just said and immediately start freaking out.

"i did not mean that. i-" you stutter, waving your hands in the air.

a harsh knock came to the door followed by wooyoung poking his head out, "are the lovebirds done? joong and hyejoo wanna play a different game."

oh how you could kiss wooyoung for his amazing timing. "we're done." you quickly say as you smooth out your outfit before joining wooyoung in the living room leaving a confused san.

"y/n! how was it?" hyejoo slurs as she throws herself on you.

if whatever happened in the closet was the only thing san could remember from tonight, you were fucking doomed. for now though, that was an issue for tomorrow. tonight, you were going to indulge in a few more drinks in order to forget what happened moments ago.

the next morning after mingi's was a rough one. your hangover was probably the worst one of the semester and boy was that telling. your memory from last night was a little foggy, some parts you recall very clearly some not. but the one thing you do fucking remember was wooyoung's sneaky ass setting you up with san during truth or dare. kissing san, you remembered very clearly maybe a little too clearly but whatever happened in between and after that was a blur. you briefly remembered wooyoung opening the door but that was about it.

rolling out of bed, you check your phone to see that san had called. annoyed, you call back hoping whatever it was a good enough reason for you to call in the morning.

"yah, choi san what do you want? it's so early?" you complain, rubbing your eyes awake.

"y/n, it's literally two pm." san deadpans.

"so?" you sass back, "it's still too early for me."

you hear san sigh on the other end, "ok anyways, did you finish the plan for the comp sci workshop? seonghwa is asking for it, he said you were supposed to send it earlier this morning."

a part of you freezes in shock while the other part of you scans your room for your laptop that was covered in papers and notes from studying. "you're fucking joking right."

"nope."

"oh my fucking god, i totally forgot about it while i was studying for exams shit. oh my fucking god. fuck." you curse as you hurriedly get out of bed.

"don't worry, i covered for your ass and told seonghwa that you were working on it which is why you weren't answering your phone. i'm also on the way to help you finish the plan because hwa has some suggestions for it too"

"oh bless your heart, choi san." you praise as you begin your morning routine.

it was around six o'clock by the time you submitted the doc and slideshow to seonghwa and holy fuck were you tired. there was no way you could have pulled this off without the help of san. truly thankful for your best friend, you offered to buy dinner on you and he had the opportunity to chose.

"on you, for real?" he asks in surprise as you begin to clean up the dinner table that was used as a makeshift desk for the past couple of hours. "i thought you were broke."

it took every fiber in you to not throw the hefty textbook in your hand at him. "do you want food or not."

"yes, please!" he immediately back tracks. "fried chicken is fine."

aggressively, you hand him your phone before heading back to your room to put everything away. "order what you want but don't pay i wanna get stuff for myself too."

"thank youuu." san sings as he begins to scroll through doordash.

while in your room, you took the chance to try and process your feelings. it was a no brainer you loved san. he was always there for you ever since you guys met each other in high school. san's been there for your worst and best days of your life and it was always a given that you were there for days like those for him.

however, your use of "love" began to slowly change this year. you've been single for awhile after your last breakup which was a lot of emotional damage to handle but san was always there to comfort you. him on the other hand looked for causal hookups, nothing serious. san was young, he confessed to not wanting to start any relationships because he just wanted to mess around for awhile until he graduated from college.

which left you wondering why you felt jealous whenever san couldn't hang out on friday nights or left the club early. it was probably obvious to everyone as to why you were jealous but you could never admit it.

it was way too cliche to have fallen for your best friend and it certainly didn't help that he didn't take anything seriously when it came to dating. but choi san made it hard for you to not fall for him.

san was the perfect gentlemen. he's always attentive and remembers the little things about you. he always knew when you were feeling sad or mad and always knew how to handle your moods. he knew your coffee order along with your fears. san knew your likes and dislikes and knew when to stop teasing you if you ever got upset or uncomfortable. not to mention he was fucking fine as hell. sure, it is a little weird to be calling your best friend hot but it's literally choi san. everyone's campus crush unfortunately. there was just no way you couldn't have fallen for him.

"y/n, how much are you gonna eat?" san shouts from down the hall pulling you out of your thoughts.

"uhhhh... how much are you gonna eat?" you ask, taking a moment to compose yourself before walking back into the living room.

at least you were his best friend. best friend. a title that left you feeling grateful yet wanting more. maybe one day, you would tell him how you truly feel about him but for now you're content with being his best friend.

"oh my god, there's mozzarella sticks too!" san chirps from the couch.

"get me one!" you shout as you jump onto the couch. "just mozzarella with sugar and i could go for a couple of wings."

"ok..." san trails as he inputs your order, "do you want something to drink?"

"no, it's fine. i have some soda and soju in the fridge."

"fuck yeah!"

once completing the order, san repeats what he has in the cart before pressing the "order now" button and hands back your phone.

"thanks sannie." you reach for the phone before continuing, "and for coming here to help me finish. i don't know what i would've done without you."

"no problem, anything for you." san answers with a smile on his face.

afterward, silence fell in the room. there were very rare occasions where silences were awkward but this one felt different. it felt tense? maybe you were reading into it too much but the atmosphere felt odd.

"you know," san begins breaking the silence, "you said some interesting things last night."

an abrupt cough broke your voice before you could reply, "i'm sorry what?"

san repeats what he said before continuing, "y'know, i wouldn't mind helping you out."

"helping me out with what?" your heart was practically beating of your chest when you questioned san. exactly what the fuck did drunk you say in that damn closet.

"yesterday, you mentioned that you were a virgin before we kissed and that you were a little embarrassed about it."

"so, you're asking me if i would want you to help me lose my virginity?" you ask, not quite sure if you're hearing the words come out of san's mouth right.

"yeah, i mean it's better than losing it to a complete stranger right? but if talking about this is making you uncomfortable i will shut up about this and pretend this never happened. you just gotta tell me." the man across from you reassures, his face unreadable.

"i can't tell if you're joking about this."

"why would i joke about something that you have an issue with?" san responds back, his tone serious.

you take a minute to let his words soak in because you're still sure you're not hearing him correctly. choi san, your best friend wants to take your virginity? and why are you lowkey comfortable with the idea? are best friends supposed to be doing this? doesn't this break some type of boundary or cross some line of being friends?

"if you don't want to, there's no rush y/n. i'm only offering this because i think you would be comfortable with someone you know and trust. plus, i'm already tested and i'm clean so you don't need to worry about catching anything."

san made great points on his case and you really wanted to lose your v-card and to him? even better. your only concern was how would this affect your friendship afterward. what if your feelings for him get too strong?

"you promise this won't affect our friendship?"

"i swear on it." san raises his pinky out, "i promise this won't affect anything between us. it'll just be like me doing another favor for you."

taking his pinky with yours, you seal the promise by using your thumb to connect with his, "deal."

"deal." san agrees as he smiles, his dimple poking out. "can i ask you a few questions though?"

"shoot away."

"you've cummed before right?"

"uh yeah." you answer, feeling slightly uncomfortable with talking about such a taboo topic with your best friend. you've heard bits and pieces of san's sex life but he's never heard about yours and now is the perfect time to start laying out everything.

"so you've masturbated before?" you nod in response leading to san asking a few more follow up questions, "with your fingers or with a toy?"

"both, hyejoo got me a vibrator for my birthday."

"oh? we love to see it." san comments with a surprised look on his face, "what are you into and what are some hard no's?"

"hmmm, i'm definitely into praise. maybe hair-pulling? oh, and i like it when people are possessive? y'know when someone let's their partner know that they their's or something. hard no's though would be degradation but do i like dirty talk."

out of all the things you've confessed tonight, saying no to degradation got an eyebrow raise from san.

"what?" you snap, "call me a whore and you're fucking dead."

"noted." san raises his arms up in surrender.

"your turn now, what are you into and not?" a part of you was a little excited to hear about what he had to say.

"well, i like to hear and give praise and sometimes edging. i also like it when someone pulls my hair and when they're loud. it lets me know that i'm doing something right. i also wouldn't mind getting topped. but i'm not into super bdsm or anything extreme right now."

"interesting, i'll keep that in mind."

"last question, i swear." san starts, "have you ever been eaten out before?"

"no. i didn't really get into much with any of my partners."

"well," he pauses for dramatic effect, "you wanna know how it feels like?"

"like, right now?" there goes your heart again, racing a hundred miles per hour.

"i mean we have some time before the food gets here so..."

the mere thought of san going down on you and being the first person to do had you rubbing your thighs together. "fuck it."

the both of you move to the couch where you let san climb on top. "is it okay, if i kiss you again?"

you nod, afraid to use your voice. this was really happening.

"yes, please." you whisper, still not trusting your voice.

"i need words baby." san demands as one of his hands lifts your chin up.

"don't be shy baby, it's just me." he comforts as the hand on your chin rises to your cheek. "i'll take care of you, just relax."

looping your hands around his neck, you nod beginning to allow yourself to relax. san uses the hand on your cheek to meet him in the middle as he pulls you into a sweet kiss. it was less sloppier than the last time you kissed him yet san was already pulling sounds out of your mouth and he hadn't even touched you yet.

san pulls away moving his lips to your neck as he softly licks different spots on your neck, switching between kitten licks and nibbling. soft pants were escaping your mouth which made san want to hear more from you. with the next lick of your neck, san followed up with a harder bite on your neck but quickly soothed the pain with the swipe of his tongue eliciting a sweet moan from you.

you could feel san's smile of victory on your neck as he leaves one last kiss on your neck before pulling away. "ready?" he asks, waiting for a verbal confirmation which you comply with quickly. "just relax and let me do the work. don't hesitate to stop me if you ever feel comfortable."

this time you nod your head shyly in response as san eyes you down for any signs of discomfort. "i trust you."

san smiles in response as one of his hands begin to travel downwards, his lips going back to your neck. his hands start off with a small rub on your hips then snake further down to the waistband of your pants. you were beyond grateful you were wearing some of your newer underwear but that was in the back of your mind when san cupped your clothed core.

"oh fuck." you groan, his fingers taking you by surprise as they run and up down your slit.

"already such a mess and i've barely touched you." he coos at you making you whimper.

"stop teasing please," you plead, grabbing onto his arm.

san removes his hand from your pants causing you to pout but before you could even whine, san pulls down your sweats after moving to the edge of the couch.

"fuck," san groans, the sight of you dripping for him was making him lose his mind.

san takes small kitten licks, taking his sweet time with you as he watches for your reactions. these small licks weren't doing it for you though as one of your hands snaked to the back of his head trying to use it as leverage to speed things up.

"patience, baby." he says as he presses your hips down, making you whimper.

"please, just go faster," you beg, looking at him hopelessly.

as on cue, san takes two fingers to spread your lips apart before quickening his pace. the difference in speed had you gasping as you tugged on his hair.

"ooh my god, so close." you pant, the grip on his hair tightening.

san groans into your sopping pussy sending vibrations into your core and bringing you closer to the edge. to add on to the burning feeling in your stomach, he brings a hand up to your clit to speed up ur orgasm.

"fuck, fuck, fuck!" you cry out feeling the knot in your stomach burst.

your orgasm washes over you, leaving you breathless as san continues to lick up your cum. the overstimulation building up was beginning to burn as you tug on san's hair to stop.

san immediately pulls away with your essence dripping down his chin but that doesn't stop him as he dives into a heated kiss with you, letting you taste yourself on your tongue.

when he pulls back a sickening smile spreads across his face, "thoughts?"

to be honest, you were completely breathless with how fucking amazing san just ate you out and with how san was staring down at you right now with a stupid smirk on his face. "that...was great."

the smile on his face is gone as san frowns, "just great? i put my all into that."

you roll your eyes, grabbing the nearest pillow, you smack san on the chest. "i can't really think right now asshole."

"is it because i ate you out really good?" san genuinely asks, a smile returning his face.

"no you dumbass, the project really got my ass." you throw your hands into the air, chest still heaving.

"oh."

"oh my god." you groan. "just give me my clothes."

"wait, let me clean you up first." san objects before jogging down your hall towards your bathroom.

upon returning, san found you half asleep as your eyes were shut. still, he got on his knees and carefully took the wet rag to clean you up and his face.

your eyes fluttered open to see san below you again dabbing the inside of your legs carefully with a towel. instinctively, your hand flies to his hair as you stroke through his locks. "thank you." you hum, "you really did a good job."

san physically tensed up at your touch or maybe it was your words, either way he pulled away with a light blush on his face as he handed you a fresh pair of underwear and sweats. "of course, next time should be even funner."

"funner isn't a word." you quip, trying to ignore the excitement pooling in your stomach for the next time you guys hook up.

"shut up and move." san shushes as he climbs onto the couch with you, pulling you into his side.

the warmth coming from his body was too delicious as you felt your eyes droop even further. "san, i'm gonna fall asleep."

"just nap and i'll wake you up when the food is here."

although you had your doubts about san waking you up as soon as the food came because you feared that he would take all the chicken legs and then wake you up, you awoke to everything untouched (thankfully).

the food tasted like heaven as you guys chowed down however san would argue that you tasted better than whatever chicken piece he was eating.

ever since that night when san came over, something in you changed. you ached for san to touch you like that again and although you usually see san almost every day, you haven't seen him in a couple of days. you knew that he was busy finishing stuff up for clubs and packing for his trip home but something in you felt like something changed between the two of you.

maybe it was just you being extremely horny over your best friend that you didn't know how you would ever act normally near him after he ate you out. it also didn't help that you guys didn't set an official day for when you'll finally lose your virginity.

every now and then you would get the urge to just tell san to come over and fuck you but whatever sanity you had left in you refused to cave in so weakly like that.

speaking of the devil himself, san's name appeared on your phone.

morning wood: u wanna come over tonight?

morning wood: i just finished packing

hobbit: do u want me to bring something over for dinner?

morning wood: nah i can order pizza when u come over

morning wood: pepperoni good?

hobbit: yeah, i'll be over in thirty i just need to finish my laundry

morning wood: okayyy

morning wood liked a message from you

fuck. is this gonna be the night? like the night? shit. shit. should u shave? wear something sexy under some sweats just in case?

usually, san is super straightforward when it comes to shit like this so there should be no reason for you to be so freaked out. maybe you could be the one to initiate things? he did say he liked to be topped. wait, what if san genuinely wanted to hang out with you? and now you're only looking forward to seeing him because you wanna get dicked down.

your thoughts kept on racing as you sat in front of two outfits on your bed. casual loungewear with the possibility of wearing the ridiculously over-the-top lingerie underneath or something slightly with more effort which consisted of jeans and a cute cardigan.

still panicking over what to wear to your best friend's house you call hyejoo on the edge of having a meltdown.

"hell-"

"hyejoo! i need your help with what to wear san's. you rush completely cutting off your friend.

"well fuck, nice to see you too." hyejoo jokes commenting on your panicked state, "what's the occasion? wait is this the night you finally lose it?"

she knew almost every detail of what was going on between you and san. hyejoo lived for your updates and lately, she's been missing her nightly video chats of you screaming every little thing that had happened between you and san after the night at mingi's.

"that's the thing, i don't know what the occasion is. he just texted me to come over cause he's been hella busy lately tryna pack and shit."

"ahh that explains why you haven't called me in like four days."

"yes it does, but please help me. i don't know if i should like sort of dress up fancier? or like be sneaky and wear something bold underneath."

"well, you usually just wear sweats or whatever right?" you hum in agreement, "well then just wear sweats then wear the lingerie i got you."

"but what if i wear and be uncomfortable the whole time and we don’t even have sex."

"ok well, then just wear a matching set. preferably something that's not from high school, y/n."

"hey. i threw those away leave me alone." you argue back.

"whatever, anyways just wear a matching set in his favorite color just in case you guys do have sex."

"you are so fucking smart." you praise, as you rifle through your sock and underwear once more. "thank you so much, i'll call you if anything happens."

"ah i'm so excited!" hyejoo exclaims on the other end of the phone, "stay safe and use protection!"

"yes, mom. bye" you roll your eyes at the sudden change in hyejoo's voice.

it was final. you decided on wearing a black matching set since you couldn't find your purple bra in your drawer. black will be fine right? it's still a sexy color? well, either way you thought you looked good as hell in black so you got a confidence boost from that.

soon you arrived at san's, with your heart beating out of your chest. a very rare feeling to have at your best friend's house but hey, what's one more boundary to cross?

tentatively, you knock on his door fiddling with one of the strings on your hoodie.

"hi."

"come in." san greets you wearing a loose pair of sweats and a tank top showing off his buff arms.

well shit, if you weren't wet at the possibility of having sex tonight, you were already wet from just looking at his physique. the way the tight tank top accentuated his tiny waist and broad shoulders had your mind running laps.

"you good?" san asks as he looks over at your spaced-out figure.

"yeah, i'm good. it's just," you rub a hand over face to stall as you think of an excuse, "i'm fine."

san just gives out a light chuckle at your response, "well, the pizza is on the counter if you want some but do you wanna watch anything?"

"ooo yes!" you slightly loosen up as you try to forget how you got caught checking out your best friend, "chainsaw man?"

"yeah sure, i've been wanting to catch up on that."

"perfect!" you clasp your hands together in excitement.

"blanket?"

"yes, please."

you continue to fiddle with the strings of your hoodie dealing with both your horniess and anxiety. when san returned to the couch with one of his (yours actually) favorite blanket, you instinctively scooted closer to san for double warmth.

however, you failed to remember that your lewd thoughts were still in the back of your mind and as san was slowly typing in "chainsaw man" into the search bar, you kept fidgeting trying to find the best way where you relieved some sort of pressure and felt comfortable.

"are you sure you're okay?" san looks down at you. his words felt like he was pushing you to admit to something you didn't want to say out loud.

"i-uh,um." you couldn't even think straight with san staring down at you like that. "i think i'm ready."

san just stares at you in confusion, "i love the confidence but for what?"

you hopelessly look at him, praying he understands what you mean. "you know..." the blush on your face gets stronger every minute you say something dumb.

san understood what you meant. actually, he had a feeling that you wanted to the minute you started checking him out. still though, he played dumb wanted to hear you say it out loud.

"i don't know, actually."

"san!" you whine at him.

still, your pleas had no effect on you as he stared at you with a blank face.

"i'mreadytohavesexwithyou." you blurt out really fast not even daring to open your eyes. you hear san laugh and the feeling of wanting to crawl up in a hole and die grew exponentially. immediately you hide underneath the blanket hoping san would disappear if you wished hard enough.

"y/n," san pulls the covers down to enough to reveal your eyes. "it's okay." you refused to remove the blanket completely but still pulled it down just enough that your whole face was exposed. "if you want to have sex now you just have to tell me. i'm perfectly fine with waiting too, it's all up to you."

"can you please just fuck me." you pout. "now, please."

a soft smile appears on san's face as he scoops you up into his arms. "you're so cute."

"wait, where am i going?" you ask as you tilt your head to see where san's taking you.

"i am not taking your virginity on a craig's list couch."

"fair enough."

gently, san lays you on his bed before crawling towards you. once your head is on one of his pillows, san's hands trail to the hem of your shirt. "can i kiss you?"

the way those words left his mouth felt so soft and pure. you were so glad you ditched the idea of losing your v-card to a random tinder date. you trusted san enough to take good care of you and he did.

"yes, please." you answer, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him in.

the kiss started off slow, as san took his time with you. his lips molded perfectly with yours. your arms tug on his neck to bring him even closer as san spreads your legs with his knee. the top of his knee came into contact with your aching core causing you to moan in the kiss.

san pulls away with swollen lips, his hands trail to the hem of your shirt tugging it on softly, "can i?"

acknowledging him, san gets to work as he gets rid of your shirt leaving you in your bra. flustered, your hands reach for san's shirt as you tug on it.

"to be even," you explain.

"of course." san smiles following your command and smoothly takes his tank top off throwing it to somewhere in the room.

it wasn't new seeing san shirtless but you swear he changed his workout routine or something because he looks (and feels) ten times more ripped than the last time you saw him shirtless.

a gasp leaves your mouth and your hands fly to his chest as they rake down to his stomach.

"what?" he asks as he leans closer into you, putting both of his hands beside your head, caging you in.

"did you get a new workout routine?" you attempt to ask calmly.

"yeah actually, yeosang and i started going to a trainer a couple months ago."

"i can tell," you compliment, hands once again running up and down his abs.

in one swift motion, san captures both of your arms and holds them in place with one hand above your head.

"hey-"

"enough talking." san cuts you off with a sudden kiss, his free hand trailing your curves. desperately, you tried to lift your arms so you could wrap them around san but his grip was too strong. your body fidgeted trying to get him to loosen the grip but with how close san knee was to your core, it began to rub deliciously against your sweats. soon, you fell into a somewhat steady rhythm trying to create some friction for yourself.

when san pulls away, your motions come to a halt like you were caught red-handed. "baby couldn't wait, huh?"

embarrassed, you turn your head with a blush evident on your cheeks.

"hey, i'm just teasing you." san comforts as he grabs your chin with his fingers, forcing you to look up at him. he felt his heart crumble (and his pants strain) when you looked up at him with a pout. "i'll make it up to you, yeah?"

"you better, you jackass." you joke as you slap his arm.

san gets back to work with your lips as his hands trail all over your body. his roamed every curve and dip of your body. the callouses on his hands left goosebumps everywhere. eventually, san stopped at the top of the waistband. "may i?"

pathetically, you whimper out a quick "yes" as san gets to work with getting rid of your sweats and panties. one of his fingers runs up and down your slit to collect your slick.

"gonna prep you first, okay?"

nodding in confirmation, san slips his finger in as you gasp. your walls clench around his finger as he pumps in and out. your breath quickens even more before san adds in another one drawing a moan from you.

once san deems you prepped enough for his dick, he pulls his fingers out causing you to whine. "i'll be back, just gotta find a condom baby." he soothes as he opens his bed stand drawer his clean fishing around for one.

finally, san finds that gold foil package, ripping it with his teeth and you swear you could've come at that sight alone. you help san get rid of his pants and boxers.

sitting up in anticipation, you watch as san pumps his cock in front of you. the realization of you getting dicked down finally settling causing nerves to bounce around in you again. his dick wasn't some scary monster cock that you've seen in porn videos but it was still fairly long and the more you thought about it the more you questioned how the fuck it was supposed to fit inside of you.

san pulls you out of your thoughts when he lets out a groan. your eyes snap back down to his dick as you watch his tip start to leak beads of precum from his angry, red tip. san slows down his hand as his other hand begins to reach for the condom.

"wait."

san snaps his head to you with the condom still dangling from his teeth, his eyes full of concern.

"can i do that?" you ask the sudden burst of confidence spurring your adrenaline.

immediately, san nods his head as he sticks out his chin for you to grab the condom from his mouth. you sucked in a breath as you slipped the condom onto san as he praised you for your job well done but you cut him as you give him an experimental pump of his cock.

"fuck." san says through gritted teeth.

with his reaction, you pump him a few more times watching as his face contorted in pleasure. you didn't want to be the only one being satisfied tonight.

"baby," san grunts as he grabs your wrist, scaring you slightly as you thought you did something wrong, "we don't want me cumming just yet."

"right..." you trail off awkwardly as you retract your hand away.

san lightly laughs at your awkwardness finding it adorable, "it's alright, just let me make you feel good now."

he plants a quick kiss on your lips as he softly presses you onto your back. "tell me if anything hurts alright love?"

you give him another quick nod as you watch san shift on his knees. with a hand, he rubs the head of his cock up and down your slit just to tease you earning him a moan from you.

once san lines up with your entrance, he slowly fills you up and before any pain or discomfort could even manifest in your mind, san smashes his lips into yours. with the way, san's tongue was dancing with yours the pain in your lower abdomen was almost nonexistent.

by the time he pulls away, san's cock was fully buried into your cunt. your walls rubbed deliciously against san, "fuckkk, you feel so fucking good." san groaned. "tell me when you're ready for me to move, love."

this new pet name combined with san going down to kiss your neck has your head spinning. "oh fuck, san."

the sensation of san's lips leaving wet kisses on your neck was incredible. to add even more to your pleasure, you felt him begin to nibble lightly on your neck causing you to moan even louder. you could even feel san's smirk of accomplishment on your neck before he continued his new pattern of nibbling on different spots on your neck and soothing the pain with a few swipes of his tongue.

it took you a moment to even tell san that you were ready for him to move since you were so overwhelmed with his little side quest that you couldn't even manage to get a word out.

with your confirmation, san pulls his mouth away from you to focus on your cunt. at first, he does a few experimental thrusts just to test the waters before settling into a comfortable rhythm.

"you're taking me so well, baby" san praises when he flashes his eyes up at you. the dazed look in your eyes caused a surge of confidence to course through his body.

san's ego grew when he realized that he was the first one to ever make you feel this fucked out. he showed his newfound confidence by fucking you even harder. the grip on your hips tightening as san tries to get the most leverage he can to chase his high.

"fuck, san." you cry out, the knot in your stomach growing. "m' so close baby."

san tensed at the nickname for a quick second. he had been calling you "baby" ever since he started helping you out but holy shit he did not expect you calling him that to have such an effect on him. "say it again." san demands his eyes flashing to yours.

"baby, fuck." you groan as san's pace increases even more sending you to close the edge. "shit, i'm so close"

his thrusts got sloppier as your moans became louder. the knot in your stomach began to unravel with each push. san swallowed your moans as he leaned down to kiss you. it was a messy kiss but yet it oddly felt intimate. there was just something in his urgency to kiss you that felt so comforting.

the mix of his lips combined with the last few thrusts of hips, the both of you finally came. pulling away from your lips, san presses his forehead to yours to catch his breath with his cock still buried deep inside you.

for a moment, you guys stay like that. in such an intimate position, you closed your eyes and believed that he was yours and not just your best friend. you wished you could stay in this moment forever and keep believing this isn't a one-time thing.

you were pulled out of your daydreaming as san finally pulled out causing you to whine, already missing the feeling of him. through tired eyes, you watch san tie up the condom to discard after he throws on a pair of boxers.

"where are you going?" you ask still out of breath. apart of you worried that he was going to get up and leave already. you didn't want your little daydream to end just yet.

"i'll be right back." san answers slipping out of the door and disappearing somewhere into your house.

soon, san returned with a glass of water and a wet rag. carefully, san gets to work as he cleans you up after handing you the glass to drink. when he's done, you give the half-empty glass back to him and encourage him to drink it. he gladly does before getting up once more to put away the cup.

immediately, you tug at his arm and pull him down into bed with you. "don't go."

san smiles at you softly before returning back into the covers. your arms link around his torso in an instant bringing him closer to you. "don't ever leave me."

"i won't, i promise. you mean too much to me"

"i do?" you mumble, fatigue finally catching up to you as your eyelids began to droop.

"mmh." san mumbles as he presses a soft kiss onto your forehead. "go to bed, we can talk tomorrow."

too tired to even respond, you close your eyes and wrap your arms tighter around him.

the sun peeked through the blinds promptly disrupting your sleep along with the noises on the street. when you opened your eyes to an empty bed your heart sank. you knew san didn't owe you anything after last night but still you wished you woke up in his arms and not alone.

with a heavy heart, you got up from his bed and got dressed again, picking up the scattered clothes from the floor. memories from the night before flooded your mind and it hurt remembering that it was only temporary.

when you left the room, you didn't expect to see san cooking breakfast.

"you're awake already?" san asks as he looks over his shoulder.

you nod your head, "your blinds don't do shit."

"my apologies sleeping beauty." san jokes back turning his attention back to the stove. "breakfast will be ready in ten."

by the looks of it, san appeared normal like last night's events had no effect on him whatsoever. truthfully, they were the opposite. san was internally freaking out. from the many hook up and one night stands san has been on, not one of them has he longed for the girl afterward. he didn't know how to react to his feelings but the one thing he did know was that he wanted you.

san was just scared to ask you to be his. there was a multitude of reasons of why but one of them was that he was scared of the commitment. in general, he just couldn't get himself to open up to just one person and be vulnerable but with you, he wanted to try.

he felt safe in your presence and although it took him so long to realize it, he's always felt comfortable around you. "breakfast's ready!" sans call out to you.

the two of you eat in awkward silence. part of you was convinced that you were making it awkward because someone couldn't keep their feelings out of it and san thought he was making things weird because he had no clue how to handle his emotions.

eventually, you couldn't stand the sound of the utensils clanking on the plates and bowls, and either could san. "san,"

"yes?" he looks up at you, thankful for breaking the tension.

this is the moment. just do it. "i don't think we can be friends anymore."

"wait what?"

"i know, i made you promise that whatever we did wouldn't affect our friendship but i-i love you."

san stares at you in confusion, "i love you, too but i don't see why we can't be friends anymore? was the sex that bad? you can be honest."

"god no, it was great. but the issue is that you don't love me the way i love you." you confess daring to look san in the eyes. "i knew this was terrible idea from the start but i just- i wanted to have you for one night even if it was temporary."

san soaks in your words, not saying anything for a moment which leads to worry even more.

"i'm sorry," you start, looking down at your hands as you try to contain yourself.

"you don't need to apologize." san says grabbing your hand from across the table. "i wanna be yours too."

"wait, what? i thought you didn't like relationships though?"

"i don't but recently i've realized i wanna be more than friends. don't think it's because of the sex, if anything that just gave me another reason to love you." san jokes, easing the tension in the room.

"san, be serious." you scold at him while a smile slips through your facade.

"no seriously though, i mean it when i say i wanna be yours."

"you wanna be mine?"

"yes i do. i know i'm not good at communicating feelings and stuff like that but i'm willing to try with you."

the biggest smile graces your face as look down at the table while san comes over to your side. maybe you didn't have to worry at all about this because in the end he wanted you all along.

"we can take it slow, as long you're mine." you look lovingly into his eyes and you felt your heart beat out of your chest. for good reason, this time though.

"sounds great to me."

a laugh escapes as you lean your head onto's san shoulder. his arm immediately wraps around you bringing you in as san places a quick kiss on your head. "so what did you think about breakfast?"

"being honest," you look up at san with a playful smile on your face, "they were kinda runny."

"that's it, we're done." san jokes, throwing his arms into the air for dramatic effect.

laughing at his antics, you just realize how much you love san and although it may be too early to say it yet, let's just say you're grateful you had a choi san in your life.

he finally was yours.

[weirdthinkingdragon]

Yandere drider that you absolutely hate and fear at the beginning. No matter what they do, you just hide as far as possible in a corner from them. They don't wrap you up from how insane your heart rate got the time at the beginning when they tried.

It goes weeks like that with them until you finally try to leave that area of the cave one day thinking they were gone. They weren't, but were making a whole web from scratch. They were incredibly graceful with their movement, enchanting you to fixate on it.

Sure, there are giant webs in the part of the cave you were too terrified to leave from fearing what they might do to you. And for how they're way faster than you to easily catch up.

The webs never had anything in them to need to be fixed so this is new though.

They finish and turn to look at you, making you freeze.

He gets a cheeky grin. "Aw, is my sweet little butterfly interested in my webs?~"

You don't meet his eyes, giving him the answer to his teasing question.

"If I would have known you'd be so interested in them I'd have dragged you out sooner!"

He knows what you were planning but doesn't mention it. He pretends to be in thought, having ideas to take advantage your wonder.

"Tell you what, how about next time I have to make or fix a web, I'll be sure to tell you. In return, I want you to get closer to me. I got a perfect web bed for the both of us~"

You hate the more you think about it, the more tempting it's sounding. Especially with much colder weather coming in.

"Oh and it will be easier to get outside with me considering the front is blocked by my biggest one yet. I... honestly should take you out often later. You humans need sunlight after all!"

-----------

An- idk what this is. Drider idea struck but didn't have anything really planned other than monkey brain saying "drider. Do must now" lol

[loudclan-clangen]

Fierce x Silt would be an ABSOLUTE POWER COUPLE and you are welcome to ship them all you want (as always) but in cannon Fiercestripe would never, even for a moment, consider taking another mate. If Wildfirecry dies before her she will wait that shit out cause she's not single, her husband is just in starclan. I honestly think that even without Wildfirecry in the picture she's just too much of a caretaker/mom friend to ever be in a relationship with someone younger than her. Fiercestripe needs her mate to be the one person in her life that she is not worried about if that makes sense? She'll help find Silt a nice new boyfriend who is not 48 moons older than her and they can be crochety grandparents in the elder's den together.

No. <3

Thank you! And do not be sorry because YES! You're so right! She's seeing herself in the stars and so she doesn't look any farther into it but it's just an image she's projecting, not something someone is showing her. She also doesn't put any thought into the fact that in order to walk amongst the stars she would have to pass away so, she's literally seeing a future where she dies due to her own inflated self image and it just inflates her self image more. It's a self fulfilling prophecy and it makes me love her and her story so much!

It was not intentional as I haven't watched centaurworld, but upon listening to it I see what you mean! It definitely fits in with what I was trying to reference, which are those kinda ominous lullabies (hush a bye baby was the specific one that came to mind while drawing), but to be honest with you it's a relatively minor detail in the overall comic. What the character is saying is a lot less important than what the character is about to do so i didn't put a ton of thought into it.

Thank you! I am also shocked by how little time has passed in story like what do you mean we aren't even at two years yet? Eklutna wasn't even here for a moon? How is that possible?! I know that Moon 21 brought and is still bringing a LOT of people to the blog and I am so grateful for that! Loudclan gained like 200 followers over my break and that's AWESOME but also a little bit terrifying tbh. Don't worry I also got attached to Mothtree and I was like lying in bed thinking about the fact that she dies for like three whole months while I and everyone else drew cute art of her.

Thank you! I'm so happy to be at a point where I'm happy with my art and my process and that has a lot to do with all the support I've gotten from you guys! You're an awesome community who has encouraged my growth at every opportunity and I couldn't be luckier! All that said I hope you get to enjoy a minor version of the same process all over again as I get back in the routine of drawing cats again after my break lol.

I mean... they are kinda yellow... could that mean... PACKMAN IS THE BABYDADDY?!?!?!

I did really enjoy my break! I got to go to Greece and Germany with some of my best friends and then I came home and cracked down on school work (which wasn't necessarily fun, but feels good to be done with), and now I am rested and relaxed and ready to get back into it!

Thank you! I try to put a lot of thought into them! Things like that are generally the first thing that I envision when I'm formulating a comic page and then I build the rest of it around that original idea which I hope helps to make the pages more dynamic and less repetitive.

Thank you, I can't wait to finally drop Part 2! Only 5 more days!

[heesdreamer]

omg can you do a spiderman au

FEAR OF SPIDERS

PAIRING ➩ spiderman! heeseung x reader

SUMMARY ➩ you’re pretty sure that your quiet and mysterious roommate just might be a serial killer… plus he’s weirdly afraid of spiders

WC ➩ 3k

WARNINGS ➩ none really other than descriptions of injuries and the brief mention of series killers lol

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ once again written at 4am and not proofread but im a big spider man nerd so this was fun and a perfect request for me

At this point you were pretty much convinced your roommate had to be a serial killer.

A bold assumption, you are aware, but ever since he moved in about 6 months, eagerly answering a Craigslist ad you had posted with suspiciously little amount of information on his page, you’d been attempting to understand him and his usual habits and this was the most solid conclusion you’d drawn.

Heeseung wasn’t a bad roommate necessarily, he kept in his own space and he very rarely made any messes. Honestly half the time you never even noticed somebody living with you, surprisingly light on his feet for how tall he was. He moved around the apartment silently during the rare times he was actually out of his room at the same time you were.

He was shy too you had noticed judging by the way he’d jump in shock everytime you rounded a corner abruptly or turn red and scamper off back to his man cave whenever you stared at him for a little too long. Not to mention the fact he was absolutely terrified of spiders apparently judging by the way he’d completely panic every time you screeched and announced the presence of one.

These fun fact were harmless though, so why did you think he was a serial killer?

Well the first thing you had noticed that was off about him was the fact he didn’t sleep. It took you almost 4 months to understand why he was always up before you or why he constantly had dark bags under his eyes. Your roommate simply did not sleep, maybe even during the day.

When you had told your friend Jake about this he had joked around that maybe your roommate was just a vampire. Jay, the more reasonable of your trio, had monotonely countered that guess and said that he was probably just a third shift worker and you were too nosy for your own good.

He was completely accurate in the second half of his statement, curiosity running through your veins and causing you to snoop one day while Heeseung was off doing whatever he did during sunlight hours. You’d called off from work sick, faking a pained groaned when your roommate yelled from the living room to announce the fact he was leaving and he hoped you felt better.

The second the front door was clicking shut as it closed off in the distance you had hopped out of bed, throwing your blankets to the side and racing to make sure the coast was truly clear before you began your investigation.

When you cracked open the door to Heeseung’s room after determining it safe to look, you knew you were doing something wrong and being overly invasive. Yet you couldn’t help the excitement that washed over you as you looked around his dark bedroom, somewhere you’d never even caught a glimpse inside before.

His room was spotless which surprised you considering how often he was inside of it, even eating his meals behind the closed door. There were no clothes hanging around and his bed was perfectly made like he’d never even laid on it before. He had a few posters hung up and you marveled at the bands he was seemingly interested in, wondering why he never said anything when he had heard you playing some of the same ones in the kitchen.

Despite being grateful you’d gotten some insight on who he was as a human being, nice to finally discover after all these months sleeping two doors down from a mere stranger, you were disappointed regarding the fact you’d found out absolutely nothing that would explain his weird behavior.

When you met back up with your friends a few days later to give them an update, one that they hadn’t asked for Jay begrudgingly reminded you, they had thought you were absolutely crazy. Even Jake who was originally on board with mission find-out-your-roommates-secret.

So you told then the second thing that you had noticed about the boy.

Heeseung was pretty and that’s one of the first things that drew you to him. After he had answered your ad with zero photos or information on his page other than his name, you’d requested to meet in a public place so you could make sure he wasn’t somebody crazy or trying to scam you. He eventually agreed hesitantly and two weeks later you were sat at a coffee shop as you waited for him to arrive.

The first thing you noted when he had walked in was that he was annoyingly handsome. Immediately followed by the fact he had the most gentle face you’d ever seen, big round eyes peering around the shop anxiously as he tried to spot somebody who looked similarly to your photo on your profile.

When you smiled and waved at him, calling him over to the table you were at, he had given you a small grin of relief and you immediately figured he was harmless.

So when he started to show up late at night, injured and bleeding, you thought that somebody had to be crazy to hurt a person as kind as Heeseung. At first you’d assumed he maybe had been mugged, finding bloody tissues and bandages left over in the bathroom trash one night.

It took three weeks for you to actually catch him coming home, staking out on the couch half asleep after you realized his bruises weren’t healing and more just continued to pop up. He’d staggered into the apartment around 5 in the morning, not noticing you sitting in the dark until you cleared your throat.

His eyes were immediately shooting towards yours, shocking you slightly that he was able to find you so fast considering how dark it was, and you saw his eyes widen from where his face was illuminated by the kitchen light in the distance.

“If somebody is messing with you, we need to go to the police.” Your voice was soft as you broke the tensioned silence, watching the way he tensed up at the last word you said and started to shake his head.

“I’m fine.” He mumbled back but you could hear the wince in his words and one of his hands came up to rest on his ribs.

You were getting off the couch and making your way over to him before he could disappear back into his bedroom and deal with it alone. He stiffened when you gently grabbed his hand and dragged him over to your shared bathroom, sitting him down on the toilet softly as you started to scramble and look for the first aid kit under the sink.

“You don’t have to tell me.” You shook your head as you looked and hoped he was paying attention to you. “But I took first aid in highschool and your wrap jobs are just terrible.”

He let out a little scoff of a laugh and then immediately bent over with a hiss of pain. You snapped your head up to look at him and your heart hurt when you saw the complete state of his face now that you were sat under better lighting.

His face was pretty much swollen or bruised in all areas and your stomach turned thinking about how bad the rest of his body must be. The blood from his split lip was dripping down onto his chin and shirt and you watched as he instinctively tongued at it before wincing in pain at the burning sensation.

You were standing once you found the wraps you were looking for and going back over to him, trying to ignore how cute he looked as he peered up at you from his spot on the toilet seat.

“You’ll need to take your shirt off.” You were whispering awkwardly and he froze for a second but eventually nodded.

Heeseung had been fit when you first met him but you weren’t unaware to the fact he had suddenly bulked up sometime this summer. It had confused you considering he didn’t seem like the type to work out and you couldn’t figure out for the life of you when he could possibly be making time for that, but the results were apparent as he nearly doubled in shoulder and arm width.

He started to try and pull his shirt over his head but he stopped abruptly with a low stretched out groan of pain, putting his arms back to his sides and shaking his head in denial.

You sighed and shifted closer to him, holding the hem at the bottom of his shirt with your fingertips and looking at him for permission. His eyes watched you for a second with a strange expression before he was nodding slowly, trying not to flinch away as you helped him undress and get it safely over his more intense injuries.

It was hard not to over react to the sight of his bruised chest but you didn’t want to upset him or make him less inclined to come to you for help. Heeseung’s body was pretty much a mess of colors, black and blue in most spots but some parts of his skin were tinted yellow like they were a few days old.

You glanced up at his eyes to find him already watching you, a dark expression on his face as he waited for you to say something. You imagined he figured you’d press him for answers about who had done this but you didn’t, nodding softly before moving closer to him so you could gently wrap him in the bandage.

He shivered slightly when your hands touched his skin, your fingertips brushing over him softly as you meticulously wrapped his ribs tightly in the material.

You tried to do a good job despite the fact he was still staring at you, watching you with those big eyes as you avoided meeting them. When you had finally finished he sucked in a deep breath in relief, the pressure helping the pain slightly.

He sat obediently as you continued to try and help relieve his suffering, letting you dab at the cuts on his face with a wet rag and apply ointment over them with trembling hands. When you were finished, neither one of you made a move to leave, so you sat down on the edge of the tub right beside the toilet.

Your knees knocked against his and he glanced at you, shocking you when he extended a hand in your direction. You took it gratefully, yours still shaking, and squeezed his warm skin in thanks.

It was weird for both of you to be in this situation together but it felt strangely natural and intimate. You can’t recall ever touching Heeseung like this or even hanging out with him for as long as this had been stretching on. You wondered if he was realizing the same things as he zoned out slightly.

“Why don’t you let me come with you tomorrow?” You were breaking the silence to suggest and his head whipped up to look at you with fear. “I won’t pry about wherever you go I promise but maybe they’ll leave you alone if you have company.”

He was swiftly turning on the toilet seat so he was facing you, his knee slotting in between yours as he grasped your hand with both of his and gave you a desperate look. “Y/N, look at me.”

“Under no circumstance can that happen.” He was shaking his head and squeezing your hand to properly get his point across. “And you absolutely can’t follow me, you need to promise me this.”

You watched him with a pained expression, feeling frustrated and helpless but also hearing the pure panic and sternness in his tone as he stared at you anxiously waiting for a solid response. He looked terrified at the thought of you going wherever he does and your stomach turned as you got a very bad feeling.

You were flipping your conjoined hands so yours were released and he glanced down at them in confusion but realizing you were wrapping his pinky in yours.

“I promise.” You whispered back to him.

That was the first time you had considered the possibly that Heeseung was into something very dangerous, that you had completely misjudged your soft gentle roommate and he was possibly as axe murderer or some kind of hit man.

“Maybe he’s Spider-Man.” Jake was exclaiming after you’d told them this and a few heads shot your way in the restaurant causing him to duck his head down.

Jay scoffed and rolled his eyes as he said this and you paid him no mind, the suggestion almost making less sense than his previously mentioned vampires. As far as you and the rest of the city were aware, there was only one Spider-Man in the whole world and it simply wasn’t possible that it coincidentally would be your awkward roommate.

“More realistically, he’s one of the bad guys Spider-Man beats up for a living.” You were shaking your head, knowing that statistically it made more sense.

“Why not just follow him then.” Jay was shrugging and taking a bite of his fry nonchalantly. “So what he told you not to, he might be a murderer. Why does what he says matter anyways?”

“He seemed really scared.” You were shaking your head as you sighed and leaned back in your seat. “I’m not going to die just because I’m too curious for my own good.”

“Well… we could always come with you if you’re worried.” Jake was slowly suggesting.

You glanced at him in surprise, not having thought of that for some reason. You looked over at Jay and expected to see him with a scowl, denying the idea of spying on your roommate on his only day off but he was surprisingly calm looking, shrugging his shoulders when he realized you were waiting for his opinion.

So that’s how you wound up in your current situation, ducking low inside Jake’s car with dark clothes and beanies on. You’d been preforming your amateur stake out for only two hours but there’d been no sign of Heeseung leaving your apartment building that you were currently parked in front of.

“Are you sure he’s even going to come out?” Jake was whispering from the drivers seat and you sat up to listen to him closer, elbows resting on the middle console between the two boys.

“He does every night.” You whispered back with a shrug and almost like you had summoned him, your roommate was slipping out from the lobbies from door and looking around his surrounding areas before starting to speed walk down the street.

Jake made a celebratory noise and started the car slowly, peeling off in a slow cruise around the block as you waited to see which direction Heeseung was going to turn to next. It’d been a few minutes of watching him before guilt started to settle in.

“Should we be doing this?” You sighed and rested your chin over Jay’s shoulder who was only paying half attention to the operation going on.

“Well he is kind of suspicious.” He murmured and you glanced at him from the corner of your eye as you waited for him to explain more thoroughly. “He looks over his shoulder every three seconds and he just totally ducked into that alley over there.”

Jay was right you realized as you picked your head up, not noticing you had completely lost sight of your roommate. Jake slowed to a stop behind a few cars, up the street from the alley Jay saw him disappear into and you waited to see if he would come back out or if there was maybe a secret business or club residing back there in the darkness.

It was only about 30 seconds before something was shooting out of the alley and the three of you froze, jaws dropping open almost comically as you pieced together what it was that you had just potentially saw.

“Oh no fucking way.” Jay was sitting up in his seat and showing his widest range of emotion and interest, finally seemingly invested in this situation as he leaned forward to try and look outside the front window. “Dude that was…”

“Spider-Man.” Jake was exclaiming excitedly, hollering as he gripped the steering wheel and shook it slightly, glancing back at you with a childish amount of happiness on his face.

Despite the superhero’s alarmingly large presence in the city and the feeling that he was constantly looking over everybody’s shoulder, you hadn’t actually ever seen him for yourself until he just swung his way out of the alley and off into the city skyline.

You were ignoring the two boys excitement and jumping from the car, their yells of confusion as they told you to come back bleeding off into the distance as you sprinted towards the alley. Half of you expected to see a bloody Heeseung sprawled against its wet cement floor but the other half wasn’t that surprised when you spotted nothing but his sweater and pants carefully folded and tucked away.

You could hear your friends shoes against the sidewalk before you saw them and they paused when they realized what you were approaching, grabbing the clothes in your hands and turning to look at them.

“Well fuck.”

[obae-me]

Omg Hi!!! It has been so long since I have seen you on my dash! How are you doing love? I hope you are doing super well ^.^ I recently saw your Mc with trauma post. I loved it so much, and it has also given me a lot to mull over the past few days lol.

Honestly I love the idea of a traumatized Mc and the brothers feeling like absolute shit for the way they treated them in the beginning... but yk another part of me wonders when I imagine my own traumas in that scenario... that for people (the bros- literal demons) who have faced so many things and traumas in their own lives, whether my feelings or pain is even comparable to that. Ik you can't compare things like that and the brothers would probably even be mad if I think of my feelings this way since it's the "Ohhhh someone always has it worse. It's not even that bad so just suck it up" self-deprecating part of me. Despite knowing ALL THAT I can't help but think that I am not traumatized enough to deserve empathy lmao (I realize how stupid it sounds saying it out loud).

So that is what REALLY got me thinking. What about an Mc that is genuinely terrified of scrutiny, being a nuisance and just basically inconveniencing anyone for things that are just basic needs. Idk if I am explaining it well enough oof and a mc like that (like me lmao) certainly won't bode well with Lucifer. Atleast not in the beginning. I could hate him (I could never but if I did) but still be terrified of disappointing him. This is what I mean when I say I love him but he reminds me too much of my father habits wise 🤢.

I am thinking a Mc who is afraid of asking even their basic needs at the beginning once Lucifer mumbled about them being too much trouble. Mc who feels so extremely guilty when the brothers get anything for them, cuz they feel like they have to work for it or they don't deserve it. Mc whose blood freezes over when they break something and try to replace it as quick as possible so no one blames them. Mc who never expresses their concerns so as to not add to the brothers' already full plates or worry them. It hurts to bottle it all up but seeing the brothers' concerned faces with so much PITY is a thousand times worse. Mc who never complains and adjusts to even unfair situations so as to not be a bother. Mc who just takes, takes and takes everything bad and doesn't say a word cuz they feel like they deserve it. Mc who tells little white lies to hide their flaws and be the perfect exchange student and avoid scoldings and criticisms ; only to stew in shame, disgust, self-loathing when someone eventually catches up on one of the lies (the person probably didn't even make a big deal of it/ was only mildly disappointed but Mc feels their heart breaking in two as they think they have broken their trust forever and would never be trusted again)

Gosh this got way longer than I was expecting >.< and a lot of signs like these aren't really obvious until you are close to that person. I think so many of us are so hard and rutheless to ourselves when sometimes the thing we need the most is a little compassion and understanding ;-;

Hi! I love seeing you in my inbox and thank you! I've been in recovery mode for the last few months but am finally coming back out of that cave and working on my hobbies again (seriously going too long without writing almost feels like going without food for me)! I hope you've been doing well too!

And oof, yes, I understand what you're saying completely. I'm like that too in a lot of ways, keeping certain details or complaints to myself because "Oh surely what I've been to is really nothing". And sometimes I let something slip and people get very concerned. Which is validating in a way, not that I need to be validated for it, everyone goes through their own pain and awful things SUCK no matter to what extent it is and I've had to learn that through my life.

(Wow that MC really is just me, huh? Calling me out are you? /j)

Honestly this type of MC is just canon to me. (I mean, the more pithy responses the MC has in original OM might just be due to writing but to me it just seems like the calm and general response of someone throwing out NPC answers as a survival tactic.)

They suck things up and soak up everything that's been said to them and work hard to remain a normal functioning being.

And of course Lucifer is an interesting character to think about with this MC because on one hand the human could absolutely despise him for the way he treats them. Or on the other hand (if you're like me I guess, which I realize is hella unhealthy, oops) the MC could look up to him and work extra hard to try to gain his validation, because getting praise from someone like that means you must not be a failure, right?

And just...the dynamic of that is so appealing to me, because Lucifer loves when people work hard and do what they're told, but then if he finally comes to the realization that they're burning out and actually almost putting themselves in more danger and harm because of HIM? And at the end of the day he's doing more damage than any of his chaotic brothers? (I like to have him spiral and be humbled just a bit)

Just all of the brothers doing some deep introspection once they come to care for MC and needing to sit down and realize that probably made their human feel so much worse and then spending the rest of eternity trying to fix that. And then the "I can fix him" mentality from MC turns into the "I can fix them" from every other character. A special Uno Reverse, if you will.

Oops, this turned into a fairly long ramble of my own...

Thanks for popping into my inbox with your thoughts! Traumatized MC deserves some extreme love

[arliedraws]

In the books, Sirius's devotion to Harry is of course very deep, but it never translates to something physical. He only shakes Harry's end when he leaves his bedside in book 4, and in book 5 there is something resembling a hug, like twice...? As a dog he stood up his hind legs and front paws on harry's shoulders and a half hug after Christmas. Idk it sort of drives me crazy, because in the movies Harry and Sirius are so affectionate! That first hug when Harry arrives in Grimmauld!! Gary and Dan had an amazing chemistry that other actors were jealous of, they mirrored the book characters, so it palpable on screen, the few scenes Gary is in at all at least.

So, what do you make of this? Do you in musing for art imagine a more affectionate relationship between Harry and Sirius? Maybe if Sirius survived the war? Molly's hug in book 4 was a poignant moment but imo that should have been a moment between Sirius and Harry. Sirius already says he expected something catastrophic to happen to Harry in the third task, that's what he stutters when Harry comes in with Dumblebore. So he is literally afraid of his godsons life and it still shows of course, Sirius staying at Harry's side was very beautifully written, like the devotion is clear, but I am foaming at the mouth for more affection between them in canon? Platonic, not shipping. So between the movies and the books Im just kinda torn what's better

It's more a rant than an ask, sorry lol, but if you have any input I'd he so stoked to read it. Not many peeps in the fandom even give Sirius and Harry any time of day, nvrmind even understand what they had (which also drives me kinda nuts but ok)

Ohhhh, anon, you’ve come to the right spot! Mostly because I love them. I would say that 80% of my fandom interest is just Sirius being a dad to Harry.

To your question, I don’t think one is better than the other. Each has their purpose. Let me share my thoughts:

1. I am soft for movie Sirius and Harry’s affectionate touching. However. The dynamics of their relationship were NOT mirrored from the books, which…is fine. Honestly, I just don’t think it was a priority for the filmmakers. This particular bit doesn’t bother me because the movies are not supposed to replace the source material—they are an interpretation. To me, watching the movies is like reading fic—fun to watch but not canon. Also, the filmmakers removed so much of their relationship in GoF that they HAD to make Sirius and Harry physically affectionate in order for movie audiences to see what losing Sirius would mean to Harry. Their complexity is completely unexplored in the films, and they had to do SOMETHING to get the audience to feel sad when Sirius died. This started in PoA when they really downplayed the context of their relationship. (Lol, see my rant on PoA. I really don’t like that movie hahahahaha.)

2. In the books, Harry and Sirius are not physically affectionate with each other despite their intense love for each other, and I think this is an effective way to show characterization. As I tell my students, this might have been intentional by the author, but it could have been an instinct that she followed (what feels right for the characters).

Here’s what I think: both are so terrified of losing the other that they won’t allow themselves to get too close, and, crucially, they both fear showing vulnerability. Touching someone and reaching out for a hug or comfort is an extremely vulnerable thing to do. If you reach out for a hug, you are showing your true feelings. To be rejected physically is sometimes more devastating than someone telling you to just “go away.” It’s a sign of trust to touch someone—you are trusting that they feel the same way about you, and you are trusting that they won’t pull away. Both Sirius and Harry understand rejection, and both avoid it. How do you avoid rejection? You distance yourself.

I’ll put the rest under a cut because I think this might get long…

Sirius and Harry, for all that they love each other, fall out of trusting each other by OotP. Part of this is trauma, but it is also miscommunication. Harry is worried that Sirius will do something stupid—either out of concern for Harry or because he wants to get out of number 12–but he’s worried he’ll lose Sirius. So by withholding affection (which I’m not sure if he knows how to give physically), Harry distances himself from Sirius which will, theoretically, keep Sirius safe (of course, it backfires). Sirius is…you know…going through stuff in OotP. He is already vulnerable—he perceives himself as being emasculated because he’s not allowed to leave his childhood home and he’s relegated to performing ‘uninteresting, domestic work’, and he must be inactive when he’s a man OF action.

When it comes to Goblet of Fire and the odd handshake… I think Sirius is reeeeeally holding back. Harry does NOT want him to go, and Sirius knows this. (Why DOES Dumbledore send him away? Literally anyone else could have “alerted the old crowd” and NOT the convicted murderer. This is clearly the author’s excuse to get Sirius away from Harry—and, I’ve spoken to this before, Sirius is too much of a miracle character—too smart, too loyal, too loving to support the story that the author wanted to tell.) Sirius, if he had stayed, would have been the emotional support that Harry needed. So if Sirius holds Harry, what if Harry doesn’t let go? What if Sirius himself can’t let go? A handshake will have to do.

So Sirius leaves Harry with that bizarre handshake. That Sirius leaves at all damages their relationship—it could have been repaired with time (if they’d been allowed time), but this moment makes Harry realize that he cannot rely on anyone, not even Sirius. This leaves Harry to be isolated in OotP, and it leaves him to feel like he cannot trust anyone. I’m not blaming Sirius for leaving, but I believe this action causes a rift between them that carries into the next book.

My point is, I HATE that they don’t touch but it is very important that they don’t, at least when it comes to the story that the author wanted to tell. I think it was the right move when we look at the story as a whole. Do I like it? NO! But it’s interesting, and it DOES feel right for them. Is it devastating? Yes!!!!!!!

TL;DR: I don’t think either interpretation is necessarily better than the other, but they both have their purpose. Both are effective!

Touch is…huge in HP. Consider Voldemort’s “I can touch him now” and causing Harry pain. Touch is a privilege, and to be touched without permission is a violation. Harry kills someone by touching them. He is only touched by his family when Dudley beats him up or he gets shoved in his cupboard.

Weirdly, one of my absolutely favorite moments when Sirius and Harry touch is in PoA when the Dementors are closing in on Sirius, Harry, and Hermione, and Harry, as he’s about to faint, reaches out to grab an unconscious Sirius by the arm, thinking something along the lines of “the dementors weren’t going to take him” and such. And this is about two seconds after Harry has accepted that Sirius is telling the truth! Harry physically tethers Sirius to him—this touch-starved teen reaches out to this man who is now everything to him, who is now his only real family, willing to risk death (or worse) to keep it. BUT THEY JUST MET!!!!! Devastating!!!

Also…another thought: the first time Sirius and Harry touch is the first time Sirius has been touched as a human in twelve years. And Harry is beating the absolute shit out of him…and then Sirius nearly strangles him…

Also, also, not to like…self-promote, but if you want some Sirius & Harry family feelings and a wee bit of affectionate touching, I wrote a one-shot where they talk about their feelings in OotP.

Anyway, this got longer than I thought. Thank you for the prompt!!

[chronic-shinposter]

I'm not sure about all of this, but can you give me a hint? The kaioshins dress very tightly and modestly because going out without clothes is considered sinful???? Was there such a thing in canon, or did fans make up a similar thing that kaioshin are like holy gods terrified of debauchery?

Warning: I go on a big ass essay that strays from your main question and of course everything listed here is opinions but with some anime/manga references to back up my thoughts. As a response to my coatless Shin post, that was just me being silly LOL. However this totally gives me an opportunity to talk about characters and I am all about that shit

A summary of my essay though: there is a moral code implied, but there's nothing specifically stated, and it's not so specific that it's about clothes and perviness and stuff. Every Supreme Kai (in canon) has a different idea of how to honor their position and their personal morals can be inspired by their duty but it doesn't mean they are one to one. Everything else is up in the air and are just personal conclusions (like, Supreme Kais all dress a specific way so it's totally possible this is a requirement, but there is nothing in canon about this) How someone treats the Supreme Kai role depends on the person though; some are way more relaxed and others are very uptight. Interestingly, sin IS mentioned in at least one of the English translations of the manga. (right to left)

Much like religion IRL though there are people who will use these codes and behaviors, meant to spread goodness and honor, to be toxic assholes. I actually kind of hate the general description of Supreme Kais in the DB wiki honestly because it goes with the assumption that every Supreme Kai (and adjacent role) is a good person when I don't think that's really true, it's just that all of them have similar jobs and their culture encourages politeness. Quite frankly, most of them kind of have a pole jammed up their ass and look down on others all too frequently (which like, they're gods, but in the context of the series they are SO UPPITY HOLY SHIT). Let's look at Gowasu, Elder Kai, Zamasu, and of course Shin. I think they're a good spectrum of the behavioral code in my opinion

Gowasu

Gowasu is one of the oldest acting Supreme Kais in the current canon. He is very polite and proper, good-natured, but has relaxed a lot over time and also just wants to have fun (bro wants to be a Godtuber in his retirement). I think because of his introduction, we kind of see that the standard for Supreme Kais is that they are mellow, like drinking tea, and tend to look at the little things. They very much have normal lives and might even teeter on the more "nothing ever happens" side, but time and peace can introduce them to ignorance just as much as inexperience can, leading Gowasu to make lapses in judgment about who he chooses as his successor.

Gowasu is honestly one of the most grounded Supreme Kais we've been introduced to because he is reflective of his mistakes and even remorseful, receptive to criticism and even questions the foundations of the god hierarchy in Dragon Ball Super. He also doesn't react much when approached casually by mortals, which shows that he doesn't believe himself to be above others even though, cosmically, he is. He is also, like, the only Supreme Kai we see actively get along with Shin as an equal even though age and experience lends him to be the "superior" one

Overall, Gowasu is experienced and looks at the good side of everything, but he is also casual and likes to be goofy. He very much understands that life is important but what use is that if you don't get to be a silly goober sometimes?

Elder Kai

Elder Kai is more on the extreme end in which him getting shit done is more like... an exception rather than a rule, he much prefers the lazy lifestyle that being so high on the cosmic ladder offers and he's not really afraid to show it. He is experienced (though we don't know if he was THE Supreme Kai of his time) but he does not give a shit about any moral standards, very much on the extreme end of the "life's about having fun" line

Elder Kai is openly a pervert-- in the original DBZ he says he uses his abilities to watch women from afar, he has nudie mags, eagerly accepts Goku's request when Goku promises him he can grab Bulma's boobs (I think this ended up getting dubbed out later lol). He believes in honoring age, which he shows when berating Shin for their difference in wisdom, but also in taking responsibility to give himself up first after Shin offers his own life to save Goku's.

He is not a bad person and holds respect for what it means to be a Supreme Kai, but he is no stranger to being a creepy fuck. He's a good example in that a Supreme Kai (past or future) does not really have to be what is considered "pure" to do the job and they have the free will to enact what they feel is the proper thing to do.

Zamasu

Elder Kai's all about having fun in life, while Zamasu goes to the opposite logical extreme: life is about perfection, and anything less does not deserve to be at all. I think Zamasu shows where this same behavioral code can go, because by all means he kind of checks all the boxes: he's polite, shown to respect his superior, takes his position as apprentice very seriously and similarly intends to take his role as Supreme Kai very seriously. He finds himself to be the most pure, but this idea is something he is so attached to that he ends up being one of the most corrupted of them all.

Similar to Gowasu, he is not above questioning the status quo-- he doesn't really put much heart into the Gods of Destruction and believes that holy beings such as the Supreme Kais should be in control of everything. In the manga, Zamasu views Shin and Kibito very highly at first because he thought that they were the ones that defeated Majin Buu. Of course, Shin corrects him and puts all credit to Goku & gang, which confuses the FUCK out of Zamasu because he believes Supreme Kais to be, well, the most supreme. Shin reflects in that the job should've been for the God of Destruction (in the manga here they loosely do imply that Beerus was asleep), but Zamasu is like "nah lol"

Zamasu weirds the fuck out of Shin by implying anything that exists is unnecessary, but kind of brushes it off because well that's Gowasu's thing to deal with LOL. (Sidenote this is why everyone should read the manga because they actually involve Shin in a very much Supreme Kai centric plot and it is actually nuts to me they don't do this in the anime. The anime arc is def my favorite arc in Super but they still kinda do Shin dirty)

I say all this to say that Zamasu's train of thought isn't exactly uncommon because the Supreme Kais are kind of in this culture where they are the most supreme, but most of them do have an understanding of nuance and understand why, despite being "the best", they serve a role and that role does not serve them. Zamasu doesn't have this nuance and we see where that goes as he makes Goku('s body) to be the exception to the unnecessary beings rule in his head

As an honorable mention, I want to say that Kibito isn't too different in this train of thought: he definitely finds himself to be superior to others, but he values Shin's authority so much that he is much more receptive to that nuance than someone like Zamasu, who eventually dismisses Gowasu's teaching. The worst Kibito would not be anywhere close to Zamasu because Kibito still believes in goodness outside of himself.

Shin

Shin I think is the best example of a Supreme Kai with a pure moral code that, in turn, is also not corrupted by that idea of purity. Similar to Zamasu, he's polite, shown to respect his superiors and his elders, and he takes his role very seriously. Shin is (from what I understand) the youngest Supreme Kai and also the newest, which also might be why high morals is so important to him in the current canon.

He respects Elder Kai as his ancestor, but is also horrified to learn about Elder Kai using his powers to be a creepy fuck, openly berates him for this, and reacts in disgust when Elder Kai tries to gift him a nudie mag (as Kibito Kai). Shin also states he's worried about how Kibito views the mortals, but believes him to have a good spirit and puts a lot of importance in that-- it's why Shin goes out of his way to meet Goku, and in the future timeline, why he goes out of his way to meet Trunks.

Shin is similarly disgusted by Zamasu when he reveals his true spirit and condemns him in the manga, believing that Zamasu broke the line of what it means to be a Supreme Kai at all. His values very much align with the Supreme Kai's job to preserve life and at the same time understanding that destruction is part of that sacred cycle. Shin deeply respects the current god hierarchy and doesn't question it; he just wants to do the right thing.

Though Shin takes his responsibility as Supreme Kai very seriously, he is pretty receptive to the fact that his universe has mortals more physically powerful than him and he is even thankful for this. He takes no offense to how casually he's treated by Goku & gang and listens to them. Shin, unlike other Supreme Kais we've seen, views himself explicitly as a servant to the universe; his life is just one part of it and if he has to give it up or to knock himself down a few pegs then that's what he'll do. I think we can even say he is a little too passionate about this idea, since he's literally offered his life to preserve another's at least 2 times now (one for Goku in Buu saga, another one in the Moro arc in the manga) to Beerus's dismay lol, and this doesn't count all the times he's gone out of his way or put himself in the way to save others from danger

One of my favorite Shin moments that I think captures who he is at a whole is at the end of ToP where it's just Universe 7 and Universe 11 left, and he leans over to say hello to Khai. I don't think this is a Supreme Kai thing, this is a Shin thing. He doesn't say hello because it's his duty to always be polite, he says hello because it is giving kindness in a tense situation.

in a nutshell

The different Supreme Kais (and adjacent roles) might have some similarities and I think their upbringing can give them a proper attitude, but ultimately they're all very different people and have different ideas of what it means to be a Supreme Kai at all. I'm sure there's a Supreme Kai out there in history that was always naked or a piece of shit or something but actually totally kicked ass at their job

Thank you for reading LMAOOO I just wanted to talk about them. Hope u enjoyed

[whumperstorm]

Suppressing Fire - Part 4

Content: Vampire whumper, defiant whumpee, mind control, death threats, loneliness, angst

This one is twice as long as the others lol

First/Previous/Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the first two years, things remain generally the same. The hostility and abuse intertwined with the mundane of everyday life. For Kane, it's all leading up to something. Something big. And as it approaches, closer and closer, he begins to worry he's not ready. His human isn't ready. She's calmed down a bit compared to when he first got her, but she's still defiant. He still disciplines her with frequency. This is bad.

After hemming and hawing over what to do, he enters the human quarters. Before even feeding, he brings attention to the matter at hand.

"I'm laying my cards on the table. I need something from you."

-----

Keegan has gotten far too comfortable with her imprisonment over the past two years. She knows she has, but there's not much she can do about it. There's a few small opportunities over time where she thinks she might be able to escape, but then she remembers how miserable those two months of recovery with her ribs were, and she lets it go. Too risky. She needs something big.

So she copes. She fights back when she's feeling brave, then nurses the bruises she's given for the trouble. She takes out her anger on the poor abused punching bag and tries not to think about the outside world. Stay in the present. Survive each day and keep your head clear. It'll be worth it.

Still, she can't help but perk up when Kane makes a change to their usual schedule. He needs something and he's not just demanding it? She's curious now.

"Yeah?" She asks.

“There’s this… family reunion next week. Well, not just my family. It’s for all of the important families. Mine’s the most important, of course.” His face lights up with condescending pride for a moment before falling back into nerves. “We’re going, and I need you to behave. What's it going to take?"

That's a lot to take in. A family reunion for a bunch of rich vampires?

On one hand, Keegan is almost excited at the thought, even though she'd only be going as an accessory. She's always wanted to go to a fancy party. On the other hand, she hasn't been out of the house since the doctor visit, and just that short time was terrifying.

"What... exactly would I be doing at this event?"

"Oh, not much. Everyone brings their humans as a sign of status. So this- this is the first time I'll be going." Kane wrings his hands anxiously. "All the others will be under persuasion, obviously. All you'll need to do is follow me around, largely silently, and follow orders if given. It will be very easy."

Honestly, it doesn't sound too bad to Keegan. It'd be the first time a vampire hunter has ever observed vampire high society and (hopefully) lived to tell about it. But, it's clear Kane is anxious as hell about this, and willing to offer her something in return. She's not about to miss this chance. She bites her lip, thinking. 

What does she want? She'd really like her stove back, microwave meals got old a long time ago, and she misses cooking. Or maybe some time outside? She's been breathing stale air for years. But no, there's something else. Something she needs, and this might be her only chance. 

She straightens up, crosses her arms, and looks Kane dead in the eye. "Let me call my sister, and you've got a deal."

"Deal," Kane agrees instantly. "You may make one phone call, supervised, if you behave. That means you will act like a proper human in public. You will not stray. You will obey my orders. You will not speak unless spoken to. You will address me as Master or sir. You will show no signs of defiance or misbehavior. Are we clear?"

Keegan's heart leaps. He's actually agreeing to it? She grimaces at all the ways she has to submit to him, but it's basically meaningless in exchange for that phone call. 

"Yes!" She says immediately. Maybe too excitedly, she doesn't want him getting used to this easy compliance, but she can't help it.

"Good." Kane tries to reign in his own excitement, maintain his dignity. His human behaving herself should be the standard, not something to get out of sorts about.

He has to be serious.

“Just know,” he adds, “that if you defy me publicly, I’ll kill you on the spot. I’ll have to, of course, for my reputation.”

"Of course."

The threat gives Keegan pause, not because she plans on being defiant, but because she's not very good at it. She tends to fuck up even when she doesn't mean to.

‘Just focus on the prize, Keegan.’

"Perfect." This might actually work. Kane might actually be presentable. "Now, your neck. I'm hungry."

---

The week passes in a blur. Kane has the human pick out a nice, classy dress from a catalog- he's never had an eye for women's fashion, and he supposes that at least one advantage of having a human with a mind of her own is she can make that decision for him.

On the night of the reunion, he's an utter nervous wreck. He chooses to drive, not wanting to mess his clothes up running and considering it more comfortable for both himself and the human.

"This has to go perfectly," he mutters, half to himself, half to the human in the passenger seat. "No funny business."

"I got it." Keegan insists for what feels like the millionth time. 

She's got no idea what's making Kane so nervous, he's cagey about anything relating to his family. It’s making her nervous about what's in store. But, it's a reunion. A party. Whatever has got him rattled is probably some sort of petty drama. Keegan shouldn't panic. She'll follow directions, stay out of the way, and hope for the best. And, hey, the dress is nice.

They arrive just slightly early, exactly as planned. As they enter the decadent ballroom, Kane scans for his parents, but neither seems to have arrived yet. There are lots of other vampires here, though he knows many are still to come. He recognizes several members of his family and of other noble families, but no one he's close to. Each vampire has a perfectly hypnotized human beside them, and it only makes him more self-conscious.

Worse, he gets looks and whispers. He tries to fight the blush that he knows is creeping up his face as he looks around for anyone at all who he knows well enough to chat with.

Unfortunately, just as he's contemplating going to speak with his older sister, Eloise, despite her quite low opinion of him, a far less-palatable sibling approaches him first.

“Kane! What a surprise, I wouldn’t have expected to see you here in a million years!” Anton greets with his human in tow. He grins widely from ear to ear, fangs on display.

-----

Keegan can practically smell the old money of this place. Everyone here has an aura of importance and snobbery, only worsened by their predatory, vampiric eyes. All her fellow humans are dressed up like she is, but unlike her, have all been lost to persuasion. They couldn't have chosen their outfit from a catalog like she did. They're dressed up by their masters like dolls. Trophies.

 Objects.

‘Why do they even bother?’ She thinks. ‘We're all just 'food' after all.’

It's awful. Keegan can't watch for long and looks down at her feet, shuffling after her own 'master'. She's so very grateful to have her mind intact, and since they can't feel for themselves, she'll endure their suffering for them. They deserve to be remembered and mourned.

A new voice breaks Keegan out of her thoughts. Kane's older brother, apparently. Keegan's hackles raise immediately when he starts talking. This guy is no good, it's written all over his face. Another very punch-able one, in her opinion. Maybe it runs in the family. Kane though, seems just as uncomfortable as she is and she hopes he'll cut this conversation short.

-----

“Hello, Anton.” Kane says through gritted teeth. “Yes, as you can see, I have a human now. No reason for me not to be here anymore, is there?”

“Yeah, I heard! Only took you a century!” Anton laughs. “I gotta admit, you’ve done well for once in your life, baby brother.” He claps Kane on the back, laughing again.

Kane is not pleased. “Well, no one gives a shit what you think.” 

“Oh, don’t be like that, it was a compliment! You’re so sensitive. I mean it! Wrangling a human when you can’t use persuasion at all, it’s very impressive stuff! In fact, the result might be even better. This one’s been hypnotized so much that she hardly reacts even when uninfluenced.” He waved a hand in front of his own human’s face to no response.

 Anton turns his gaze directly onto Keegan, eyeing her discomfort hungrily. “See, just like that. I like to see the emotion in their eyes. It’s so boring otherwise.” He leans in close enough for Keegan to smell his shitty cologne. “Having a good time, little lady?”

Keegan's hand twitches at her side, just barely keeping still. He is way too close. She leans as far away as she thinks she can get away with, face full of disgust. What the fuck. If this creep is related to Kane, what is the rest of his family like?? She hopes he can see the murderous intent in her eyes, in lieu of being able to act on them. ‘I'm not afraid of you, leech.’ 

She might be a little afraid.

Anton loses a bit of interest at her non-response, but the idea has sparked something as he turns back to Kane. “Maybe I’ll try training my next one without persuasion. I mean, it can’t be that hard if you could do it, right?”

Kane rolls his eyes, nudging his human away from Anton. “Thank you so much for that, Anton. Goodbye.”

“Aw, stop, stop, I’m half-kidding. Seriously, great pick. She smells delicious. I’ve just got to have a little taste. You don’t mind, do you?”

Anton takes a step straight toward Keegan and reaches for her neck. 

Keegan's heart spikes with fear. She does not want this man touching her. Her hand itches for a stake she hasn't touched in years. Anton is clearly the bully type, and in this case she's the toy he's trying to steal from his victim. He could break her like a twig just to get at Kane. Luckily, Kane steps in and keeps him away, grabbing his wrist and continuing the conversation like her life didn't just flash before her eyes.

“I do mind, actually. If your human’s blood is of such lower quality than mine, I’m sure you can find a suitable replacement on your own, since you’re just so capable.”

Anton rips his hand from Kane’s grasp, the smile never leaving his face. “Of course, makes perfect sense that you’re so possessive of your very first human! Oh, I remember those days. Well, good luck, I can’t wait to see what Mother and Father think.” He smirks before sauntering off.

“Can you believe that guy?” Kane grumbles with a huff.

Keegan relaxes significantly when Anton leaves. "He was... something." Keegan says quietly. Oh, she has opinions alright but doesn't dare speak them outloud, even if Kane might actually share them. She glances around the room, seeing other vampires sharing their humans. It makes her feel ill. "Sir, are... others going to feed from me tonight?" Kane didn't let his brother, but it's clear they aren't friends. No one mentioned she was going to be a party snack.

"No. No one I would say yes to would be tactless enough to ask in the first place." It's an easy answer, one he doesn't have to even consider. The idea of Mother or Father asking to feed from his human is laughable.

Keegan sighs in relief. "OK. Thanks." She's sure it's not for her sake, but still. She's glad for it.

-----

After the encounter with Anton, Kane is too intimidated to try approaching his other older siblings who he's even less close with. He eyes the entrance as people come in, sticking anxiously to the wall, when he finally sees someone he knows well. Unfortunately.

Bellamy comes waltzing in, a human at his side, arm linked with his- and like Kane's own, obviously unpersuaded. “What is he doing here?” he mutters to himself, alarmed.

The entrance garners more gossipy whispers than his own, and that's when he realizes this could be good. “Wait. Wait, this is great, actually. He could take the heat off me.”

That is, until Bellamy locks eyes with him for the first time in decades, and Kane realizes he's screwed. He tries to take off, beckoning his human to follow behind him, but Bellamy catches up easily.

“Kane, my dear, it has simply been too long!” His voice is sing-songy and light.

“Fuck off, I can’t be seen with you! Why are you even here?” Kane hisses.

The woman at Bellamy's side looks to be in her thirties, and perfectly content to be here, despite full awareness of the situation. She waves at Keegan with a warm smile.

Keegan is happy to hide at the edges of the party. Avoiding any more conversation would make the night easier to get through. But of course it doesn't last long, when a vampire and his lucid human make a beeline towards them.

The human lady waves at her. Keegan stares dumbfounded for a moment before sending a small one back. She has so many questions. God does it feel good to look into another human's eyes. She looks kind. Too kind to be in this hellhole.

Bellamy looks genuinely hurt by Kane’s words, his eyebrows knotting together briefly before he regains his composure. “Oh, politics. Some people are hard to get a hold of, and this made for a fantastic opportunity. Though I was unaware you’d number among them tonight! Shall we meet in private, darling? We absolutely must catch up.”

Kane taps his foot, agitated. “Fine, just get away from me before people start thinking we’re together.”

The man winks. “Follow me in five.”

He and the woman disappear down one of the connecting hallways.

Having no one else to gossip to, Kane turns to Keegan. “That guy? He had his entire life handed to him on a golden platter. Cast away everything by refusing to take a human when he came of age. No one who’s anyone would be caught dead associating with him anymore. He was the eldest son in the most important family next to mine and now he’s an even bigger laughing stock than me! Ugh, of course he won’t even use persuasion on the human that he now apparently has. Has to fucking flaunt it. Can’t believe he’s showing his face here.”

Keegan can't tell if he's actually expecting an answer from her. She opens and closes her mouth a few times before settling on, "She didn't seem like she needed it, sir." What's so special about this vampire that his human is perfectly content by his side? Keegan envies her.

"Well, lucky fucking him." Kane responds.

-----

After a short while has passed, Kane follows down the same path the other pair had taken minutes ago. He weaves through corridors before they arrive at the storage room he and Bellamy would always hide out in when they were boys, boxes piled high around the two waiting for them.

As soon as they enter, Bellamy moves toward Kane with arms outstretched, obviously going in for a hug. Kane holds out a hand to stop him. “Cut that shit out. Why am I here?”

“Well, it’s been so long!” Bellamy exclaims. “It’s been, what, eighty-five years? Do you have a telephone, my dear? Marvelous things, humans do simply come up with the most amazing inventions. We should exchange numbers, keep in better touch!”

“Did you somehow forget what happened the last time we spoke?” Kane eyes the woman. “Why do you have a human? Finally come to your senses?”

“Oh of course, where are my manners?” He turned to Keegan. “My name is Bellamy Verta,” He gives a little bow, “and this beautiful young lady is Caroline.” He gestures to his companion with an extravagant flourish.

“It’s nice to meet you both.” she says.

“And who might you be, young lady?” Bellamy asks Keegan.

In stark contrast to the last vampire they spoke to, this ‘Bellamy’ almost immediately puts Keegan at ease. First of all, he calls his human by her name, Caroline. Keegan has never heard her name come out of Kane's mouth. Second, he's speaking directly to her. Not at her, or ignoring her completely.

 "Keegan." She responds. Then with a quick glance at Kane, reluctantly adds, "...Sir."

"It's lovely to meet you, Keegan." Bellamy reaches out and shakes her hand, his grip soft and warm in mannerism, even if his hands themselves are a bit cold. "I do hope you're not finding this party completely dreadful."

Bellamy turns back to Kane. “As for your question, Caroline and I have a mutually beneficial relationship. She is no prisoner of mine, and is free to come and go as she pleases. She was kind enough to accompany me to this event, given the stringent requirements for entry. Thank you once again for this, darling.”

“It’s no trouble at all.” Caroline smiles.

Caroline is free? She's free, and she chose to be here. Surrounded by murderous vampires and their dead-eyed humans. Suddenly, Keegan decides she hates her. She's been forced into this hell against her will and here's another woman having a perfectly good time with the first vampire Keegan has ever seen that doesn't want to use persuasion. Why does she get to have it easy? She can't quite mask her disbelieving glare.

Well, maybe Bellamy could help? If... if this reunion goes smoothly at least. He and Kane have history, though they clearly didn't part on good terms. She wants to speak to him more but Kane is right there. His threat hangs over her head. Don't speak unless spoken to. So she stands there silently simmering in frustration.

It's obvious Keegan wants to speak. “Do whatever you want, there’s no one here I need to impress," Kane instructs.

“Perhaps you and Caroline can have a chat?" Bellamy suggests. "Dear Kane and I do have so much to catch up on, some of which are rather private matters.” He motions Kane to follow him to the other side of the room.

“Whatever.” Kane gives an exasperated sigh and walks along with him.

Caroline looks after Kane wryly. "Oh, he seems charming," she says, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"Very." Keegan mutters.

She doesn't want to be a complete dick to this stranger, but she has to ask. As soon as the two vampires are conversing, she hisses, "How can you stand it? Being around all... This. Being around him. He's one of them!" Sure he's polite, but he's still a vampire. What if it's all for show?

Caroline smiles at her, pity in her eyes. "Bellamy is the kindest person I've ever met, human or vampire. In fact, in my experience, humans have been the more dreadful bunch." She gestures back toward the ballroom. "Most vampires aren't like this, you know. The stuck-up noble types. They're just regular people. Most haven't even interacted with a human in their lives, let alone hurt one."

That somehow makes Keegan feel worse. She really got the short end of the stick, then. ‘Don't fucking pity me when you won the vampire lottery’ She thinks sourly.

"I don't care!" She growls. "They're predators. They've ruined my life." She turns and kicks a nearby box hard enough that her foot stings. "Why do you get to be free?" She whispers.

The smile disappears. "I'm sorry, hun. But... Kane ruined your life. Bellamy wouldn't hurt a fly. Literally. When there's a bug in the house, I've gotta be the one to take care of it 'cause he's afraid of creepy-crawlies. Vampires aren't a monolith as much as humans aren't. Bellamy saved my life." Though sometimes, she finds herself falling into the trap of thinking of all of humanity as unsalvageable.

"I'm sorry things have turned out so horribly for you. I hope it gets better," she says sincerely.

Keegan wants to shout, to scream. Maybe this would be easier if she was chained up in a basement somewhere, so freedom wouldn't be standing just out of reach and mocking her. But Caroline is being so patient and kind. She has nothing to do with Keegan's suffering.

She deflates. "I'm sorry. I just- Seeing you here, happy..." she gestures vaguely. "It's a lot." Her lip wobbles. "You're the first human I've spoken to in over two years." The first person really, other than Kane.

"You're the first human I've spoken to in over a decade," Caroline admits. She steps forward, her heart aching for Keegan. "You look like you could use a hug. You want one?"

Keegan starts to cry. "...Please." She hasn't felt a kind touch in just as long. Only pain and harsh manhandling. "I wanna go home..." she mumbles, barely audible. It's pathetic, but she's so lonely, and Caroline is someone who will actually listen.

Caroline wraps her up in a warm embrace. "I'm sorry," she says softly. "I know everything's awful right now. Just hang in there. You never know where life will take you. Take it one day at a time."

Keegan cries into Caroline's shoulder, tightly gripping the fabric of her shirt. It feels good to be held. She doesn't want it to end.

"I'm t-trying." She sobs. "Thank you."

Caroline keeps holding her, as long as she needs, gently rubbing her back. She figures Keegan needs this.

-----

“I can’t believe, after everything you’ve been through, that you would just… subjugate someone like this! Look at her, she has bruises on her arm!” Bellamy gestures pointedly at Keegan. "It's awful!"

Caroline lets go of Keegan, turning to watch the argument. She places herself protectively between Keegan and Kane.

“She wouldn't have bruises if she fucking behaved!” Kane retorts. “I don’t know why you suddenly insist on acting like I’m lesser than the rest of my family when you were always the one to tell me I wasn’t. I’m a De Sang, this is what we do.”

“I didn’t mean–” Bellamy pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, “Why is it that the thing you want to live up to is their cruelty?”

“It’s not cruelty, it’s the way the world works! You’re the one who’s a freak.” Kane spits. “You just don’t want me to be happy! Now that I have a human, I can finally get the respect I deserve!”

Bellamy scoffs. “Oh, is that it? Are you happy now, Kane? I can see that sucking up to those pricks has made you so much less of a bitter, miserable person. You’re just the absolute picture of happiness!”

“I need. A minute.” Kane takes a deep breath and glares at Keegan. “Stay. Here.” He storms out of the storage room, slamming the door behind him.

Keegan holds her breath when Kane turns to her with fury in his eyes and flinches when he slams the door.

“I apologize.” Bellamy says, “That got out of hand. I do hope I’ve caused no undue trouble for you, Keegan.”

"It's ok. He, uh, only hurts me when he's mad at me specifically." She says, subconsciously rubbing the bruises Bellamy pointed out. "Which is often, unfortunately. You two used to be friends?" She can't imagine someone as polite as Bellamy wanting to be around Kane.

Bellamy looks to her apologetically, like he's embarrassed of ever having been Kane's friend. "When we were boys. I haven't spoken to him in eighty-five years. He's always been prone to bouts of anger, but not so explosive as he is now. Or perhaps, he simply never had the opportunity."

Keegan sighs. "He just didn't have a human to kick around yet. Thank you for at least trying to talk him out. I've never met a vampire like you before." She feels a bit guilty for calling him a 'predator' just moments ago, but hopefully he was too preoccupied to have heard it.

"I'm sorry my kind has left such a horrible impression on you," Bellamy says sadly.

Caroline nudges him. "Bel, isn't there anything we can...?"

Bellamy shakes his head. "I'm afraid not." Attempting to steal a human from this event would go poorly for all involved, he's sure.

Keegan wants to cry again. "If you could- I know it's a long shot and probably isn't worth it- but if you could keep trying?" God this is pathetic. "Keep trying to convince him?"

"Of course, dear. Of course I can," Bellamy promises.

It's not hard to anticipate Kane’s return, his stomping audible from a mile away.

“My mother’s here. We’re going back out.” he announces, grabbing Keegan’s bruised forearm.

“Kane, wait." Bellamy's voice is firm. He chooses his words carefully in an attempt to appeal to Kane's values. "Please. I know things got out of hand tonight, but none of that is Keegan's fault. She's only a human. Surely, violence against someone so much weaker than yourself is beneath you. You're better than this."

Kane hesitates. "W-whatever. We're going," he says, but his grip on Keegan relaxes just a bit.

Bellamy looks over to Keegan. “It truly was lovely to meet you, dear. I do wish you the best.”

'Just a human- so much weaker'. There's that awful talking-down-to again, but it works at least a little. She and her arm are grateful to Bellamy for trying.

"Likewise. You too Caroline." Keegan responds. Kane is pulling her back out before she can say much else, but she mouths a sincere "Thank you" as they turn the corner.

Caroline waves at her, sadness in her eyes. 

-----

Kane leads her back out to the main room. In the few minutes they’ve been gone, the room has filled out with occupants. Kane lets go of Keegan, trusting her to follow him on her own. He walks up to an older vampire woman, dressed to the nines. “Hello, Mother!” Kane says, a huge smile plastered on his face. 

“Oh! Kane, Anton was just telling me you were here!” Kane’s mother exclaims. 

“I have a human!” he boasts, gesturing to Keegan. 

“That’s very nice.” She nods, not even glancing at Keegan. “Finally catching up! Say, your one hundredth is soon, isn’t it? Maybe we could do something for it!” 

“It was two years ago, actually!” Kane’s smile falters for a fraction of a second before returning to its chipper state. 

“Oh, well, there’s always two hundred!” she says breezily. 

“Yeah!” Kane agrees, glancing around a bit. “U-um, do you know when Father…?” 

Kane’s mother smiles. “He was right behind me, should be here any second. Listen, I really would like to stay and chat, but there are so many people I need to speak with tonight.” 

His smile really does fall then. “Oh, but I thought-” 

She puts a hand near his shoulder, making the motion of a comforting gesture without actually touching him.  “You’re doing good. Keep it up.” 

Kane beams. “I will!” he nearly shouts as his mother walks away. “That went amazing! That went so well!” Kane enthuses as soon as she's out of earshot.

Did it? That was hard for Keegan to watch. If this is how they treat him, no wonder Kane doesn't talk about his family. She's glad to be ignored by Kane's mother, she wishes he'd stop showing her off like a trophy and drawing attention to her. ‘I'm not an object.’ She reminds herself once again.

Suddenly, all chit-chat dissipates as a new vampire enters.

He doesn’t look much different than any other vampire, aside from obviously being the oldest. He appears in his seventies, though he is likely hundreds, if not over a thousand years in age. But… there is something wrong about him, something any aware human will be able to feel. An energy permeates the room, a deep, human instinct screaming RUN, YOU ARE IN DANGER, YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW. This man, above all, is a predator made to hunt things like Keegan.

The human beside him looks dead, far beyond the entranced looks of everyone else. There is zero spark of life behind his eyes, yet he continues standing and breathing, moving along with the vampire like a puppet, clearly somehow alive.

Kane puts a hand to the center of Keegan's back and begins leading her in a beeline directly for the man.

"Father!” Kane calls, all excitement and nerves.

-----

If Death has a physical form, Keegan is sure she has just found it. This is Kane's father. This monster. The blood drains from her face and her entire body trembles. She's been scared before, sure. She grew up in a toxic, violent household and now kills vampires for a living. Fear has kept her alive. But she's only felt true, primal terror of this kind twice in her life. Once, when her mother's throat was torn out in front of her, and now here. At this moment, despite all logic, Keegan is sure with every bone in her body that she is not going to survive the night.

Kane pushes her forward as if to the gallows.

Kane’s father glances briefly at Keegan before turning his eyes on Kane.

The man sighs, shooting Kane a glare. “What is it?” His voice is deep and cold.

“I-I got a human…” he claims timidly, his confidence draining at the icy reception.

Kane’s father does not ignore Keegan as his wife had. Instead, he turned his gaze directly onto her, piercing red eyes almost digging under Keegan's skin. The man brings a hand to Keegan's chin and tilts her head to the side to expose her feeding scars, his skin devoid of warmth.

“Sloppy work,” he comments.

The only reason Keegan does not rip her head away from him is because she knows it would only bring about her demise that much faster. She doesn't blink, staring straight into his eyes. She feels like a child curled up in bed, watching the closet door through the darkness of the room. The moment she blinks the monster will get her. Her skin burns under his touch despite the cold of his hand. ‘Please, I don't want to die. Not like this.’

Kane rushes to defend himself. “I wasn’t, um, that good at feeding at first, but I figured it out! For the past year and a half, I’ve-” 

Kane’s father puts a hand up to stop him, and Kane’s mouth snaps shut instantly. His other hand is still on the underside of Keegan's chin, so close to her throat. “It can’t be helped. Passable.” The man finally lets go of her, and walks away without another word. 

Kane’s eyes are wide. “Passable…” he repeats to himself in awe, clutching his hands to his chest. 

The rest of the night goes without incident, Kane seeming in high spirits. Anton does give Keegan a few glances as it goes on, but at one point he shrugs, as if to say ‘not worth it’. Kane attempts small-talk with a few other people throughout the night, who all largely disregard him. He spends a lot of time wallflowering by himself. Occasionally he starts chatting with Keegan, then realizes he shouldn't be doing that and stops, embarrassed. After a few hours, people start to leave. Kane only exits once his parents do. As they get back in the car, he grins at Keegan. "That went fantastically. You can make your phone call as soon as we get home. Well done."

Keegan doesn't match Kane's good mood. She takes a while to recover from the interaction with his father. She's shaky, and doesn't want him out of her line of sight. He seems fully uninterested in them which helps, but being trapped in the same building with such a threat is rough on her nerves. She stubbornly holds on to her poker face, keeping all her fear in her clenched fists.

Eventually she's able to relax, especially when Kane dares to talk to her a bit. At least he isn't a threat to her at the moment. It's all worth it in the end too, as he keeps his end of the deal. She lived through the night and she's going to get to speak to her sister for the first time in years! It's so exciting, and also a whole new kind of terrifying after so long without contact.

-----

When they return home, Kane removes his tie. "Go on," he says, nodding at the rotary phone sitting on a small table in the corner of the living room. "You've earned it."

He sits on the couch and picks up a book from the mug table.

‘I shouldn't have to earn it.’ Keegan thinks. She can't find it in herself to be mad though. Not right now.

“Ok!” She practically runs to the phone and begins to dial. She feels sick to her stomach with nerves. She doesn't even know what she's going to say. 'I love you. I'm alive. Are you safe??' Those are at the top of the list. But truly she just wants to hear Lohitha’s voice. It's been so, so long.

The phone rings for a while. Each one builds dread in Keegan's stomach. But it is quite early in the morning. It'll just take a minute for her to answer. Right? Keegan bites her lip. ‘C'mon, pick up. please.’

Finally, the line connects and Keegan hears shuffling of fabric and a quiet yawn. "Lohitha?!" She cries desperately. "It's me, Keegan!"

There's a beat of silence. Then a deep, male voice answers. "Who?"

Keegan's heart stops. "Wh- I'm... I'm Keegan Khatri. I'm looking for Lohitha Khatri? Who are y-"

The man interrupts her, tired irritation in his voice. "You got the wrong number." CLICK

The line goes dead. Keegan gasps. No. no no no. She knows that was the right number. She's had it memorized since the moment they moved to that address. But... It's an apartment. She didn't even THINK about that. Lohi wouldn't be living there alone, of course she'd move. Keegan was so caught up in speaking to her she wasted her chance like an idiot! Her eyes flood with tears and she slowly turns towards Kane. He said one phone call. One.

Kane can quietly hear the other line with his supernatural hearing, even from halfway across the room.

He looks up from his book. "I'm no conman, human. I'm a man of my word. One successful phone call." He looks back down and flips the page.

Of course. Kane's at least practical. She lets out a sigh of relief. Keegan is so anxious that she isn't thinking straight.

“Thank you…”

She's not sure how to contact Lohitha now. She could be anywhere. But there's one person who would possibly know. Her hunting partner.

She dials. Only two rings this time before an answer.

"Vivian speaking."

Keegan sighs in relief and smiles. "Hey, partner."

"Keegan??"

"Yeah Vee, it's me. I'm alive. Surprise?"

"What?? The fuck? Where have you been? We thought you were-"

"I was taken. Still am, but... he let me call."

"Oh my God. Ok. Where are you? I will get a group together and come after you I swear-"

"No- Vivian no." Keegan glances at Kane. "That's not- I'm ok. Mostly. I'm not calling for a rescue," ‘as much as I wish I could.’ "I need to know. Lohitha, is she OK? Tell me she's ok."

"Oh- yes! Keegan she's fine! She's been living with me. She's just fine."

Just like that, a massive weight is lifted off Keegan's shoulders. She finally knows. After all this time. Her little sister is safe. Tears of relief pour down her face. "-Thank you, Vee. Thank you so much." She cries. "Please, can you go get her? I need to talk to her. Please."

"Oh… I’m… Keegan she's not home right now. I'm so sorry-"

"What??" No. No. This can't be happening. She was so close!

"She's on a school trip. She won't be home for a few days! Is there any possible way you can call again?"

"No, this.... this is my only one." Keegan says in defeat. After all that... She can't even hear her sister's voice. Her heart is shattering. "Just... Tell her I love her? And I'm so, so sorry. I'm trying to come back to her."

"Of course. I swear I will. She loves you too. She misses you so much."

Keegan sobs. She can't take this anymore. "T-thank you. Please... please k-keep her safe."

"I won't let anything happen to her. You have my word." Quietly Vivian adds, "is there no way you can tell me where-"

"No. He's listening. I just needed... closure." It sounds so final. But she hopes the wording will appease Kane. 

-----

Kane does not like the sound of ‘I'm trying to come back to her.’ If his human escaped, he would be the laughing-stock of the century. No one's human ever escapes. No one else's human has the capacity to even want to.

This is why he doesn't allow phone calls. It puts the wrong ideas in his human's head, makes her think she serves a purpose outside being his. The human on the other line keeps trying to plan a rescue, too. This is not good.

"None of this 'trying to go back' business," he reminds her, not looking up from his book.

Hot anger rushes through Keegan. She whips around, face still streaked with tears. "Excuse me for trying to comfort my kid sister who has lost the only family she has left!" She spits, then immediately flinches from her mistake. Fuck, she didn't mean to talk back, this is the worst time-

Kane gives her a deadpan look. "You're lucky I'm in a very good mood, human. Final warning. Behave." He waves for her to continue her call.

She's on thin ice here. She's definitely lucky. She turns back towards the wall with the phone.

"It's not an option, Vivian. But I'm surviving."

"I cannot sit back knowing you're trapped there." Vivian insists. Keegan can tell she's trying to get her to slip her a hint. But Keegan was never the clever one. There's nothing she can say that would not end badly for her or any humans that tried to rescue her. No hidden clue she can pass on.

"You're an incredible friend, Vivian." Keegan says instead. "The best partner. And I love you too. Tell the squad I say hey. Kick my dad in the balls if he tries coming around. Sober or not."

"Keegan you are not about to end this call. I will kill you myself-"

She has to end it. Vivian will never let it go and Keegan can't handle much more. "Lohitha has always wanted a dog, by the way. Goodbye Vivian."

"Don't you fucking dare-"

Click. Keegan places the phone back on the wall, hanging up. She stares unmoving in the silence that follows.

-----

Kane is honestly torn. He does feel for the human: he knows what it's like to be separated from the love of his family. He honestly considers giving her a second chance to call her sister.

But no, he has to stay firm. He is a person, the human is not. It's very clear that if the human talks to her sister, she's just going to be that more determined to get back to her. And he still remembers the horrible pain of boiling water from two years ago. A clean break is best.

"You can go back to your room now," he suggests in the awkward silence.

His human doesn't speak, doesn't look at him. She just shuffles back to her room, staring at her feet. Kane, quite honestly, forgets about the human's troubles soon after she leaves the room. He heads upstairs to his own room, giddy with excitement about the relatively-positive reception from his parents.

The moment the door is shut behind her, Keegan slides down the wall and cries. She doesn't care if Kane hears. She doesn't care about much at all anymore. Her heart has just split in two.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry :(

Taglist: @whumpsday @not-a-space-alien @anomalys-taxonomy @what-if-i-just-did @dragonqueenslayer6

@jumpywhumpywriter @writereleaserepeat

[admiringtheskies]

okay, so The Hyperfixation Is Hyperfixating, clearly, and honestly im just gonna continue going with it bc THEM— *screams* ANYWAYS @frownyalfred uhhhhhh hope you enjoy this as well! without further ado, another idea inspired by the incomparable ✨borderline✨ that just would NOT leave me alone until i got it all down into actual real words:

at some point further in the timeline of borderline'verse, when they've finally got the whole situation mostly under control, the batfam (whenever they accompany bruce, or multiple kids go together by themselves so they're in batclan mode, to do jl/other crossover shit) sort of ends up just doing the whole Bat-Danger-Aura thing, like, Constantly; somewhat unintentionally, but also with not much effort really made to rein it in, bc they do think the reactions are hilarious lol. and like, the thing is, they were ALREADY doing it pre-bond, pretty much right from whenever dick, jason, or both made their first appearance w bruce outside of gotham and first established the existence of mini-bats for the outside world — i mean, that sense of leashed power, as well as the eerie synchronicity and ability to communicate in the tiniest of gestures, was really just a natural consequence of the crime-fighting codependency and the training bruce put them through, originally. (as you may be able to tell, i have an Extremely Normal Amount of Feelings about the concept of cryptid batfam <3). but WITH the bond?? i mean, the kids are all connected to each other, yes, but their primary connections are all to BRUCE, and once they've had time to adjust, and set + actually semi-consistently enforce some basic boundaries, they absolutely take pride in using that to it's fullest advantage (that they're capable of while not intentionally compromising anybody's autonomy, anyways).

and like… OP's already touched on this in earlier chapters briefly a few times, but i NEED a thorough exploration of the idea of bruce seeing this change in them, seeing them subconsciously incorporate even just these little subtle mannerisms, and feeling so fucking guilty about it and spiraling bc he's terrified that all of his self-destructive qualities [that he's painfully aware of in himself] will transfer over to the children, who somehow never seem to realize that how proud and grateful they make him when they demonstrate their DIFFERENCES from him in those regards. and he's just so scared that he'll somehow ruin the few parts of them he thinks he's miraculously managed to avoid 'tainting' with his mentorship/fatherhood until now… …and meanwhile the kids are about to start crying because dad no what the fuck,,, but also facepalming a little bit bc jesus CHRIST, B, did you never even stop to consider the fact that you're just… really fuckin smart and skilled and know how to do a frankly ungodly amount of Cool Shit that we all share an interest in, and we were excited to have the chance to copy more of that shit too?! just, even beyond the great mental image of the Danger Walk, what really got me about that scene was just... his two oldest boys, who are already so much like him, not hesitating for a SECOND to gleefully take the chance to match his behavior even MORE perfectly, and wanting to know where he learned something as (relatively, by their standards) simple as the Serious Business Walk, and wanting to share that memory because it's just fuckin cool, y'all! like, to be clear, i absolutely respect the fact that, at least by the time that they're entering adulthood/in the prime of their mental and physical youth, any of the batkids are pretty much on, or definitely rapidly approaching, the same level as bruce in general badassery — and they probably each have 1 or 2 specific skillsets in which they can and do surpass him. but at the same time, you CANNOT convince me that, at any given point in the established DC timeline, there exists a non-bruce batfam character who can really look at bruce (like his personality, his aforementioned ridiculous skillset, i mean everything about him) and not see at least ONE quality in him that they aspire to. maybe it's something they already have and just can't see in themselves, maybe it's more a projection of something one of their other siblings has and shares with bruce, maybe it's just some skill, some random combat move, that he doesn't need very often, and so when he does use it, it briefly reminds them that "holy shit, he's The Fucking Batman" — but there's always SOMETHING there, some reason that even when they're having trouble communicating or arguing or emotions are running high, they'll never truly lose that respect for him that compels these ridiculously independent, self-sufficient people to willingly follow him: to listen to him, to trust him, and to keep themselves ready to unite under his lead. because nobody can argue that they are a clan, whose purpose comes from being first united under the guidance and protection and love of the bat.

[rougepancake]

I need a big boy

Gyomei Himejima x Afab!DemonSlayer!Reader

If you don’t recognize the title, here you go

A/N: Uhh there will be some language used, a little zesty maybe - who knows 👀. Honestly proud of this little idea my brain cell cooked up lol. Also mentions of suicide (please don’t come for me) because it takes place in the suicide forest

Not proofread (😀) I’M SORRY

Summary: Shortly after you join the Demon Slayer Corps you’re sent out on a mission with THE Gyomei Himejima to investigate the melodramatic wonder known as Aoikigahara, but then things start heading south, fast.

“Y/N L/N! HERE ARE YOUR ORDERS!” Your kasugai crow shouted at you, circling far above your head. The sudden noise made you jump with surprise, but you figured that if you wanted to continue slaying demons, then you were to just get used to it. “HEAD TOWARDS AOKIGAHARA IMMEDIATELY!” You stopped dead in your tracks.

Aokigahara?

Just the name alone was enough to make you shudder. It was rumored to be a horrible place, one where many people were lured to their deaths, most likely by demons. They say that its quiet enough to drive a person mad, and that is what drags people deeper into the demon’s terrain. But it was simply too beautiful to go unnoticed, which is why people were just known to go missing there. It’s often said that if you are there just for the scenery, the forest will persuade you to stay. Forever.

But they were just rumors, so there was little to no truth to them… right?

You sighed and looked back up at the clouds overhead. You were only a rookie, so why did they send you to somewhere as dangerous as Aokigahara? Hopefully it wasn’t just a suicide mission.

There you stood, staring blankly at the miles of open greenery ahead of you. You stood no chance against what was in there, you were simply going to die and there was nothing you could do to prevent it.

With your hand firmly on the tsuka of your sword, you took your first steps into the mystical realm that was known as Aoikigahara. It was then that a terrible dread came over you.

You were being watched.

Nervously, you looked around, trying to see if the being was nearby. Yet there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. You freaked out and ran back outside of the thick wooding, only to run face first into what you thought was a tree. (It wasn’t.)

You had been knocked down because of how hard you ran into it, causing you to groan in pain. To your surprise, the tree helped you up. Which was really weird since trees couldn’t move outside of being blown around by the wind.

You rubbed your head nervously and mumbled a ‘thanks’ before raising your head to look up at said tree. When your eyes met his, you freaked out even more.

“OH MY GOD YOU’RE A HASHIRA!” You whisper shouted, afraid that the forest might hear you. You stared at him in awe, ‘He’s so tall..’ you thought to yourself, quickly apologizing and stepping away so he could have his personal space back.

You looked back up at him, noticing his blindness immediately. ‘Why in the hell would they send me out with a blind guy?!’ Taking a deep breath to calm your nerves, you walked back over to the talk stranger.

“I’ve been looking for you,” his surprisingly deep voice rang out. He looked down at you, stone faced. “I am Gyomei Himejima, the stone hashira. I was told that you practice wind breathing. Is this true?” He had his hands together as he spoke, almost as if he were in a state of prayer.

It made you anxious to think about how you’d been sent out here with a blind and religious nut, but you couldn’t say much, he was much stronger than you after all.

Swallowing thickly, you gave a quiet, “yes, sir” and kept your head down. You didn’t know why you had gotten so timid all of a sudden, like what had gotten into you?!

“Right, off we go then.” He said before disappearing into the terrifying forest that was Aoikigahara.

“Holy shit!- Hey! Wait! Isn’t there going to be any backup?! I didn’t even introduce myself! Come back!!!” You shouted at the trees, knowing that he was long gone now. “Well shit.” You grumbled, taking off towards the trees.

Hopefully you’d be able to catch up to him, or even better, maybe he’d slow down so you could catch up. Either way, you didn’t want to be alone, so you were going to find him as soon as you could.

“What took you so long?” Gyomei’s voice rang out again, causing you to yelp in surprise. “I was starting to think a demon had gotten to you.” You heard his voice, yet you couldn’t see him.

“G-Gyomei?” You spun around and braced yourself, placing your hand on your katana. “Where are you?” With a deep breath, you checked around you once again- maybe you were missing him?

“I’m just a little further out. I think you should see this.” You heard a shift in his voice that made you suspicious of him.

“I can’t. I’ve been wounded.” The demon slayer corps had many code words and terms that were used in case of emergencies, it was often that demons tried to impersonate fellow slayers, so if they didn’t return the code, then they were to die.

“Just remember your concentration breathing and come here.” You let out a sigh of relief and began to head to where he was.

“Alright! I’m on my way o-“ Before you knew it, you were on the ground, pinned beneath an incredibly large being. You coughed at the sudden lack of air, your eyesight slowly fading to black. Quickly, you moved your arm to your sword and unsheathed it. “Wind breathing, third form!” You said weakly, doing your best to stay conscious. “Clean Storm Wind Tree!” And just like that, the creature that had landed on you was twenty feet away from you, unconscious.

You used your katana as a crutch for yourself as you slowly got to your feet. The world was spinning as you glanced back to where you had sent your attacker. Your eyes widened as you noticed the color of his skin. It was unusually pale and covered in strange markings, and his hair was not a natural color by any means.

You were facing a demon.

But demons couldn’t be knocked unconscious.

You rushed forward with the little strength you had left, prepared to cut off his head, but right when you lifted the blade above your head, he caught it.

“You’re a sucker,” the demon chuckled, punching you in the stomach and throwing your katana to the side. “I can’t believe you fell for that, honestly.” He planted his foot on your chest harshly, once again taking the air from your lungs. He giggled as you struggled to catch your breath, your hands slowly coming up to his foot, trying weakly to move it. “You’re adorable though, I may just let you live if you do what I ask~”

Fear spread throughout your body instantly. “G-Go to hell you monster,” you spat, but your threat only caused him to giggle again.

“I love it when you little slayers get all worked up like this.” He leaned in close to your face, his smile growing. “You must not be very strong if you’re not putting up a fight.” There was something about the way he has said those words, it was true, and your reaction showed him it was.

“Now~” he licked his lips. “Do you give up, cutie~?”

You returned his smile, and in one swift movement on your part, the demon was on the ground once again. His eyes watched you curiously as you bolted towards your weapon, how you moved, your well thought out attacks, you were a work of art. He was honored to finally have someone who would be worth the effort of fighting.

Though, he was lost in thought for too long, because you had managed to get ahold of your sword in and cut off his head all within the blink of an eye.

“H-how” the demon mumbled to himself.

You reached down and picked up his head, forcing him to face his murderer. “I may not be as strong as my fellow slayers, but I sure as hell ain’t weak.” You whispered, an evil grin spreading onto your lips, just as he did mere moments earlier. “I hope you won’t underestimate anyone like me in the afterlife,” as you spoke, you dropped his head onto the ground and watched him fade away from existence.

Once you had cleaned yourself up a little, making yourself look decent and picking the grass off of your clothing and out of your hair, you continued to search for Gyomei. Thankfully, he wasn’t too far away. You had found him sitting on a tree stump, hands together and head down in prayer.

“Odd,” you whispered to yourself, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder to signal that you had found him before joining him in prayer.

You didn’t know what he was praying over, so you decided to pray for your safety during the mission. You prayed for Gyomei’s overall well-being and for him to make if out of this mission. He was a hashira, so him making it out alive was much more important than you, as depressing as it was.

When you opened your eyes, he was looking at you, his expression blank like before. You both sat there in silence, staring at one another. “Your name is Y/N, correct?” He asked simply.

“Yes, but I never told you, so how did you know?”

He looked up at the sky mysteriously, a tear sliding down his face as he did so. “I have my ways, that’s all.” All you could do was nod at the strange reply and sit there, it was a calming silence, but there was still something eerie about it.

“Have you found any demons yet?” He looked back at you, tears still flowing down his cheeks. “I-I’m sorry,” you stuttered, “I didn’t mean to interrupt the silence.”

“Yes, I did.” And he left it at that.

“Did you find what we were sent out here for?” Again, he just stared at you in silence. It was as if he was processing the question in his mind, like he didn’t understand it before.

“No, I didn’t.” He let out a short sigh before rising to his feet. “We were sent out here to investigate, but I don’t know what we’re investigating.” He looked over his shoulder, quickly assuming his fighting stance. “Be ready, we’re being watched.”

You stared at him in awe, but it didn’t last long, because you were soon ambushed. Four grotesquely large demons had you both locked in combat. You had managed to slay one of them completely right off the bat, but the second one you faced was much more powerful than the first. It was a challenge to get it done, and you thought you had, until you turned around to face Gyomei and fell to the ground, unconscious.

You awoke in a room that you didn’t recognize, which was altogether pretty terrifying, but the fact that you couldn’t move was even worse. The pain was excruciating, and your legs were numb. You noticed that someone had bandaged you up, but you still had no idea because there were no hints as to who’s house this was.

“Hello?” You called out weakly, hoping that someone would hear you, but with the size of the room you were in, you figured it was at least a mansion. There was no chance, you were stuck.

“You called?” A familiar voice responded, his footsteps sounding out in the hallway. Gyomei opened the door and carefully peered in.

“OhmygodI’msohappytoseeyou” you let out a huge sigh of relief, smiling when Gyomei walked into the room and sat down on the chair beside your bed.

“I was worried back there,” he stated, his hands back together in a form of prayer. “I with the amount of blood you had lost, I’m surprised I didn’t have to call Shinobu-san.”

“How…” you trailed off, looking up at the ceiling so you could think about your next words. “How long am I going to be here?”

“I’m not sure.” Gyomei’s answer was honest, but there was something about his tone that made you feel you’d be here indefinitely. “From what I was able to bandage, your wounds were deep. You may not even be able to walk for a few days. I would like you to take it easy, because your wounds can, and will, tear open.”

“Yes sir.” You heard him make an odd noise at the name, and shortly after, he excused himself because there were things around the house he needed to do.

Right when he left was when it it you. He was blind. And as far as you knew, you two were the only two in the house right now. So how was he able to bandage you? Did he just feel you up until he found your wounds?? You looked down at your stomach, and upon seeing the bandages, you blushed heavily. Had he really bandaged you himself??

Maybe that’s why he was being so weird when he left. Maybe he was married and didn’t want you to think he’s trying to get up your skirt. Or, or, or- maybe he’s embarrassed about what he had to do and because of that, being in your presence makes him nervous..?

“Yeah that’s totally it.” You whispered to yourself.

Just then, someone came though the door. Immediately you turned to see who it was, and to your surprise, you didn’t recognize her.

She was much shorter than Gyomei and had her purple and black hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. Her haori looked like the wings of a butterfly with its markings, in fact, she looked like a butterfly. She moved with grace in each step and took her time coming over to where you were resting.

“Hi hi Y/N-chan!” She greeted enthusiastically. “I’m Shinobu-san and my friend Gyomei told me that you were looking pretty rough!” She stood beside your bed and examined the bandages around your stomach.

“Well he wasn’t wrong,” you tried to laugh it off, but the pain caused you to wince. “I don’t even remember what happened.” You admitted to her, looking away out of embarrassment.

“Now now, did you bandage yourself?” She asked, slowly lifting up your shirt to get a good view of how far your wounds went. You shook your head and Shinobu gigged to herself. Once she had finished examining you, she stood up and brushed off her hands with a kind smile. “I’m sure you’ll be fine. With what I felt, you’ll be on your feet tomorrow at least, just remember to be careful and to take it easy!”

And with those words, Shinobu had left.

You wished you had asked her if she could send Gyomei back into the room, you were incredibly bored and it would be great if you could just talk to him to pass the time.

Sighing, you looked out the window and noticed that the sun was beginning to set. “Good night house,” you mumbled to yourself as you got comfortable.

That night you had dreamt you were healed, and in a much better condition than you were now. You dreamt that you were much more powerful, and beautiful too. But the best part of that dream was what happens behind closed doors with a person who lives alone.

“G-Gyomei~” You were a mess but you couldn’t quite explain why. He was crawling on top of you slowly, practically towering over you with how tall he was. Gyomei placed his hands next to your head and leaned down in close to your ear.

“You called?” He whispered seductively. A gentle smirk graced his lips as he began to kiss you softly along your jawline. You shivered, looking away out of embarrassment. Though, that move only made your neck more vulnerable. “What do you need, Y/N?” The question gave you goosebumps, which you tried your best to ignore, but the sudden heatwave that flushed to your face made it hard to do so.

“Y-you,” you mumbled shyly. “I need y-you, Gyomei.” He smiled at your words and slowly raised his body from yours. He carefully sat up and pulled you into his lap, your back against his chest and his hands resting on your waist.

He buried his head in the crook of your neck as his hands moved up to unbutton your shirt in the most teasingly slow way possible. “Just let me take care of you darling.” His breath was hot against your bare skin, which only made you shiver in anticipation.

“Y-yes sir.”

You woke up to find yourself saying his name. You were flushed and covered in a thin layer of sweat from the wonderful dream that you had been torn from. Slowly pulling the covers over yourself, you looked around the room, hoping that no one had heard your little… incident.

But your heart stopped completely when you saw Gyomei’s figure in the hallway. He looked mesmerized just as you looked terrified. You hurriedly hurried yourself underneath the blanket and mumbled an apology since you assumed you had woken him up.

You wanted to be able to die of embarrassment so badly, but sadly you were forced to face the consequences of your stupid little dream.

The sound of footsteps reached your ears, making your heart rate skyrocket. They stopped before your bed and you could sense his stare, burning through the covers.

He squatted down to your level and slowly pulled the blanket off of your head to reveal your more than red face. Gyomei leaned over to your face and let out a short sigh. “You called?”