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cxrdycxps · 2 months

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God’s Favorite/Devil’s Choice • Ellie Williams

☢️ religious trauma • child abuse (emotional and physical • mental illness • physical illness • emotional trauma • death ☢️

Main Masterlist • Ellie Williams Masterlist

“Momma?” You asked quietly, watching out the window at the back yard. The winter had hit Jackson hard which left the entirety of the town covered in snow and frost. It looked like someone had forgotten to draw in the details of real life.

“Yes, Baby?” Your mother hummed from her spot in the living room, feet up on the coffee table and book in her hand.

You looked down at the water your hands were in and the dishes you had just washed from dinner. You weren’t sure if you should ask but the question was eating you up inside. “Was all that really true?”

“All what, Baby?” Your mother asked. You released the water from the sink and clambered down from the chair you stood on carefully. You returned the chair to the dining table and moved slowly towards the living room, half hiding in the doorway.

“Am I really going to hell?” You asked her softly and she chuckled, patting the space beside her on the sofa. You joined her, climbing up on the cushion beside her.

“I wish you weren’t.” She sighed, pulling you onto her lap and holding you close. She rocked you slightly as you sniffled. “I’ve been trying to save your soul since birth but some people, well they’re just damned.”

You cried into her chest and she rocked you quietly, shushing you. Her hand ran up and down your back slowly and you had almost drifted to sleep when she tapped your leg. “You can’t sleep yet.”

You blinked at her sleepily before nodding, climbing down off her lap and stumbling towards the little cupboard under the stairs. You were five now. You had to say your prayers for an hour every night before bed.

The door to the closet closed behind you and plunged you into darkness. You didn’t like this part. You were afraid of the dark but your mother told you that you had to pray in here. You had to try and save your soul from hell.

///

“Well this just fucking sucks, doesn’t it?” You winced when Ellie dropped herself at your table, her arms crossed. She looked around and then looked back to you. “Why do you sit on your own? Are you the town freak, am I committing social suicide on my first day of school?”

You didn’t want to tell her. In fact you would die for just one friend that your mother hadn’t run away with her Bible rhetoric but you knew this wouldn’t last long. She was rough, always swearing and she seemed to be more world weary than you. Your mother didn’t like you to know a lot about what went outside the walls of Jackson because it opened your mind to sin.

“You kind of are.” You told her quietly. She looked around again at the other tables before shrugging and picking up her sandwich. “Dina is pretty cool. You could sit with her.”

“I’ve never been cool. I was a loser back in my old school and I met my best friend that way. Don’t want to break my lucky streak now.” She spoke with food in her mouth and grinned at you. You winced but couldn’t help the little laugh you gave her. It would be nice to have a friend for a little while again.

“Have you ever heard of Savage Starlight?” Ellie asked and you shook your head. This launched her into a massive spiel on what had to be the greatest comic book ever made and she informed you about all the characters and story lines she had gotten to read.

“‘Course I don’t know how it ends which is fucking annoying but I suppose that’s my little taste to understand how surviving the outbreak was hard. What about you?” Ellie asked and you blinked at her before shrugging. “Got any hobbies?”

“Not really. I got a lot of chores to do after school. I don’t really get time.” You explained and Ellie scrunched her face up. “It’s just me and Momma. I gotta help her out cause she’s not able to get around that easy.”

“Oh. Was she hurt?” Ellie asked softly and you smiled at her thoughtfulness but shook your head. “What then?”

“She’s getting old, she says. So I have to help. That’s my job as a daughter, you know?” You explained and she seemed to be pondering the thought before shrugging.

“I mean I’m an orphan, so not really. Joel doesn’t make me do chores because he’s boring and likes doing them. Says it reminds him of before.” Ellie explained and you nodded. It made sense.

“Were you always an orphan?” You asked and she nodded, sipping at her water. “My pa died before I was born too.”

“Nice. I don’t actually know if my dad died but I’ve been in an orphanage since basically my birth. Joel is kind of like my dad except not, you know?” Ellie asked and you shook your head. You hadn’t really ever had a dad around so you couldn’t really relate.

“Not really but I’m glad you have someone.” You told her and she smiled brightly at you.

“I think now I have two someone’s.” You shared her smile a little reluctantly. Ellie was nice, you knew that made it hurt more when they didn’t want to be friends anymore.

///

“That girl, with the swearing? Is she in your class?” Your mother asked. You were stood at the sink, staring out at the back yard. Summer had come and the flowers you had planted in the spring were all in bloom. You were rather proud of them.

“Ellie?” You asked for clarification but you knew it could only be her. She had been at the Tipsy Bison with Joel for dinner and she had been swearing up a storm. “The new girl?”

“Yes, the new girl. Don’t be daft on purpose, it doesn’t suit you.” You ducked your head focusing on the warm water your hands were in. “Is she in your class?”

“There’s only one class, Momma.” You sighed and heard the sofa creak as your mother stood from her seat. You counted the foot steps it took for her to get to you.

“That sort of cheek is the reason you’ll never get past the gates of heaven.” Your mother snapped and you winced in preparation when she took a handful of your hair and pulled you towards the cupboard under the stairs. “I don’t know why I even try with you anymore. Get in there.”

The closet had gotten cramped with age but still you were supposed to fit in and pray for at least an hour when your mother got like this. She didn’t pray with you but she did expect you to pray out loud without any pauses or noises of shuffling around.

Your eyes would adjust in a few minutes and you would have to find a cramped position in which you could be comfortable because any sign of stiffness or soreness would be seen as a regret for having prayed and earn you another hour.

“I can’t hear you.” Your voice raised in level and you counted the prayers out on your fingers hoping you didn’t miss one. She wouldn’t tell you until after and you’d have to start all over again. Tears of frustration pricked at your water line and you did your best to keep your voice steady.

You hadn’t been cheeky. You were just answering her question. She was so convinced of your damned soul that she took any chance to try absolve your sins immediately after you had committed them. You weren’t sure why you weren’t able to go a day without sinning but you knew deep down your mother was right. You were awful and you would go to hell because you had been lying to her.

You and Ellie had been friends for weeks now and she had understood when you told her that your mother didn’t like you having friends. She never approached you outside of school when you were with your mother and it had turned into one of the longest friendships you’d ever had without her to get in the way.

So you prayed a little harder for your lies and begged god not to remove the first good thing that had happened to you in years.

///

“Joel is teaching me to play guitar.” Ellie told you quietly. You were supposed to be filling out your math worksheets together but both you and Ellie were very good at math and had finished them in the first five minutes. “He wanted to be a singer when he was younger.”

“Is he any good?” You asked, laughing at the idea of big Joel Miller singing the gospel music your mother played for you when she was in a good mood.

“I think so. He’s good at country at least. I don’t know about all those old pop songs that he sings while he’s washing dishes. He just looks and sounds stupid then.” Ellie told you with a grin and you laughed again.

“He seems really fun. Me and Momma don’t have fun like that.” You told her, hand reaching up to sooth your scalp that had been burning. Four times this week she’d dragged you by your hair to pray.

“I wish you could come over to our house. Joel could make dinner and you could see the garage. I basically live on my own.” Her chest puffed out and you were in awe. You’d like to live on your own you think.

“I wish I could too. I could see all your comics and posters.” You sighed wistfully and she bumped her shoulder against yours.

“I’ll just bring them all in one by one for you to see.” She promised and you smiled brightly at her, swallowing against the almost sick feeling you got in your stomach when Ellie was nice to you.

“I know you’re gonna say this is sappy but you’re my best friend, you know that?” You asked her and she laughed.

“I’m your only friend, Angel.” That nickname seemed like it was gonna stick. Ellie had chosen it when she asked why you always paused before eating your lunch. When you had explained that you were praying she had tagged you with the nickname despite your protests that you were far from an angel.

“You’re still the best.” You promised her and she laughed, resting her head on your shoulder for a minute before straightening up again. Ellie didn’t like saying sappy stuff so she chose to touch you in some way instead, it was how she showed she liked someone. “Yeah, I know. You love me too.”

She laughed and pushed you away but you noticed her cheeks turning pink and you knew you had hit the nail on the head. You were her best friend too. You’d never had that before.

///

“Momma?” You climbed the stairs slowly, surprised to not find your mother in the living room when you got home from school. There was no reply to your call and you found the bathroom door wide open along with your mothers bedroom door.

But yours was shut tightly.

You weren’t sure why your heart was pounding as you stepped closer to the door, your hand reaching for the door knob. You took a deep breath and turned it, pushing the door open.

Your room was destroyed, everything pulled out of place, all of your books open and tattered on the ground. Your dresser drawers were overturned on the ground with your clothes spilled everywhere. “Momma?”

She was sitting on the edge of your bed, just waiting and watching your reaction. You looked around again and then back to her for explanation. “Are you okay?”

Your stomach was sinking and your lungs were constricting. She knew something she shouldn’t know and you only had one secret when it came to your mother. There was only one you couldn’t share. Ellie Williams.

“You’ve been very careful.” Your mother noted casually. Like she wasn’t in the middle of your upturned room, like she hadn’t made this mess. “Not even a trace of her.”

Of course there wasn’t. She had wanted you to bring home some of her comics but you had denied her. All the little notes she had written you were tucked away in your workbook in class. You knew better than to think you had that level of privacy at home. “Trace of who, Momma?”

“Ellie Williams.” Her tone was cold and you stayed in the doorway, not daring to get any closer to her when she was like this. It was a long way down the stairs to the cupboard if she got your hair now.

“I don’t know what you mean, Momma.” Your voice shook and she laughed at you. You didn’t know how your mother made such an expression of joy manage to be the exact opposite, cold and unfeeling.

“If I didn’t know better then I’d believe you.” She said and you swallowed, looking around again like you had been careless enough to forget something. “But when Joel Miller approached me to ask could you have a sleepover, promised it wouldn’t interrupt your chores. I had to pretend to know that you’d been talking to his girl.”

You felt faint. Your hand reached out for the door frame to steady yourself when your knees buckled. You had been so careful but not careful enough.

Your mother lifted her hands and settled a long black belt over her lap, smoothing the leather of it with her index fingers. It was your belt and you suddenly had to fight the urge to vomit.

“I always knew your soul was damned.” She sighed like the weight of the world rested on her shoulders. “But I never could’ve guessed to what extent. You’ve broken two commandments.”

“Momma, I didn’t.” You spoke quickly, fear pulsing adrenaline around your body. “I didn’t lie to you. I promise. I never told you that we talked because we sit beside each other in class. We aren’t friends, Momma. She just doesn’t understand that I have other priorities, Momma.”

The words burned you to speak them. It felt a greater sin to forsake Ellie’s friendship than to lie to your mother and when the tears pricked your eyes you knew it to be true. “I’m sorry, Momma.”

“You’ve just lied to me again, haven’t you?” She asked and you nodded slowly. There wasn’t a god on this world or the next that would have you deny Ellie.

“She’s nice to me, Momma. She doesn’t treat me mean the way everyone else does.” You explained through your tears. “I just wanted one friend. Just one.”

“You have one friend. The only friend you need. Jesus Christ who died for your sins.” Your mother stood and walked towards you.

“It’s not a sin to love Ellie, Momma. She’s my best friend.” Your mother froze in place, her eyes narrowed at you. You realized your mistake a second too late. “Not like that, Momma. We’re just friends.”

“Praying ain’t enough for you, child.” She handed over the belt and you stared at it in confusion. You had expected her to hit you with it. Maybe you were too harsh on your mother. “Go on, ten lashes.”

“You want me to-”

“Over your back. You’ll have to take your top of but self flagellation will work better than prayer. Don’t go easy either, if it don’t hurt it ain’t working.” She urged and you stared at her, bile crawling up your throat. “Come on now.”

“Momma, I didn’t do anything wrong.” You sobbed but she didn’t move, watching you with those cold eyes. “Momma.”

“Ten. I’ll count.”

///

“Dude, where the hell were you?” Ellie exclaimed when you took your seat next to her almost four days later. She wrapped an arm around your shoulders and you fought the hiss of pain, leaning into the comfort of her embrace.

You had suffered for this sin, you might as well commit it now.

“Got sick.” You explained and she let you go, looking you over. You knew how you looked. Your eyes were puffy and you were walking with a stiffness that came from being on your knees praying for almost three days straight.

“Damn, you look like hell.” She whispered and you couldn’t help the laugh. Hell was only the half of it. You had been through it all and back again in the last four days and you had made a decision.

You were choosing Ellie. No matter the pain or the punishment, you weren’t going to lose Ellie. You’d rather face an eternity of Hell in the afterlife than choose a moment without her in this one.

“I missed you.” You told her quietly and let your head rest on her shoulder. It pulled at your back but the comfort outweighed the pain you were feeling and so you didn’t move. “I missed you a lot.”

“I missed you too.” Ellie promised quietly, her head resting against yours. “And don’t be mad but Joel totally put his foot in it the other day. He asked you mom why you couldn’t sleep over. He didn’t know it was a secret.”

“Oh.” You tried to keep your voice steady. “She never said anything. Probably thought he had the wrong person.”

“Thats a relief. I didn’t want you to get in trouble over me.” Ellie sighed and the pair of you sat up when class began. Ellie kept her leg firmly against yours though and you were grateful for the comfort it offered.

When lunch came about Mrs Collins called your name and held you back while everyone else went to get food. You made you way up to her desk and she gave you a gentle smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.” You promised her. Your mother had told everyone that you had been sick. You weren’t sure why it wasn’t a sin when she lied.

“Your mother told me you got a pretty nasty case of food poisoning?” Mrs Collins asked and you nodded, wondering was this another sin to pray for. “She also made a strange request.”

Your heart dropped and you looked back over your shoulder to where Ellie was waiting for you in the doorway, her back to you both. “Please don’t.”

“You want to tell me why she wouldn’t want you sitting by Ellie?” Mrs Collins asked and you shook your head, tears in your eyes. “If Ellie is hurting you or being mean to you then you can tell me.”

“No. She’s my best friend. Please don’t. I’m not allowed see her outside of school.” You explained in a rush, knowing you shouldn’t be sharing this much.

“Okay. It’s okay.” Mrs Collins insisted and you wiped at your face to dry the tears you didn’t mean to shed. “You and Ellie can stay beside each other. I’ll tell your mother I separated you both.”

///

“Only two weeks left.” You and Ellie were sixteen now, sitting with your backs against the school house. Well, Ellie was sitting back, you were a little more mindful of how the rough stone might hurt.

“What are we going to do then?” Ellie still didn’t understand the extent of your reasoning for why your mother couldn’t see you both being friends. She thought that you were old enough now to just make your own decisions.

“Well we could work together right? Your mom can’t stop that. You have to work in Jackson.” That much was true but you knew Ellie wanted to patrol just like Joel did. She had the urge to always be trying to save the world and you knew your mother wouldn’t allow it.

“You want to patrol. I’ll probably end up a waitress or in the greenhouses.” You sighed and ran a hand over your face. Ellie laughed a little and reached for your hand, tangling your fingers together and you paused, staring at them.

Ellie was turning steadily red but she didn’t let go, she tightened her grip and tugged so you’d turn to look at her. “I do want to patrol. But I want to spend time with you more. I can clean dishes or something if needs be.”

You stared at Ellie, your head tilted slightly as you studied her. She didn’t hide from you but she was blushing fully this time. You stared a second longer.

Oh.

“Ellie.” You sighed before laughing. She attempted to free her hand but you held on tighter. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“How?” She exclaimed and it seemed like she had been holding this in for a long time with how it burst out of her. “I know you’re like super religious and most religious people hate gay people and we’re best friends and I don’t want to lose you.”

“Ellie.” You laughed again before reaching out and clasping her face in your hands. You didn’t give her a second, pulling her in and kissing her firmly. “I would walk into hell gladly knowing that I’ve held heaven in my hands.*”

“Oh you’re so fucking gay.” Ellie laughed and kissed you again, her fingers tangling in your hair. Those words should’ve terrified you but you had come to terms with it years ago while you willingly took lashings for punishment. You knew you’d take any form of torture to get to this point.

“I can’t tell anyone. Not yet. My momma will find out but Ellie, I’ve got a plan.” You promised and she smiled, her hand moving from your hair to cup your cheek.

“I haven’t told Joel yet. It’s okay.” She promised, her forehead pressing to yours.

///

You’d had a plan. It had been a good plan. Your best plan yet. Your plan did not factor Ellie and her teeth into account. The small mark she had made, definitely an accident, had given you away. Your mother had always been more than suspicious of Ellie and it seemed that even though a small bruise could be from any number of things it only made sense that it was her when paired with swollen lips and a light in your eyes.

“No.” She held the belt out to you and for the first time you refused it, shaking your head and crossing your arms. Fire burned in your mothers eyes and her jaw clenched.

“You have sins you need to repent for. You’ll burn in hell.” She cautioned and you felt the tears finally fall from your eyes, your bravery slipping away.

“Momma I love her. I’ve been in love with her since before I knew what it was.” You sobbed and she looked even angrier if possible. “How can this be wrong?”

“No child of mine will embarrass me like this before God himself.” Your mother insisted and you lifted your hands in desperation. “I won’t stand for it.”

“What more can you do?” You asked her quietly, desperately. Your love for Ellie wasn’t a flaw and it couldn’t be a sin. You didn’t want to be fixed or cured or healed. Something that felt this pure couldn’t be anything other than a blessing.

“I told you. I won’t have it.” Your mother insisted and you stared at her, unable to understand her threat. “The Lord says suicide is a sin but surely he’d understand I just couldn’t be tainted by your sin.”

“Momma, don’t do that.” You couldn’t help your tears. “It’s not bad. It’s not!”

“It is and you know it. You wouldn’t have hidden it if you weren’t ashamed of your sin.” She told you and you choked back on your sobs. “You knew that you’d never be without sin but to go and do this. I knew since you were born that you were filled with sin but I didn’t think it was cause you were one of them!”

“Momma! You know I can’t change it. I can’t. I love her.” You were choking on the tears and she only shook her head. “You can’t do that, Momma. You can’t.”

“You want me to stay alive then you stop seeing her.”

///

“Hey Angel, you okay?” Ellie asked and you blinked at her before shaking your head.

“I can’t do this. I thought I could but I can’t.” Your back was raw from the amount of repenting you had required the evening before.

“Can’t do what?” Ellie asked, unsure.

“This. Us. I thought I could reconcile it but it’s not something I can allow myself to do.” You told her, tears already flowing down your cheeks.

“What? Allow yourself to what?” Ellie asked. “Be fucking happy?”

“I won’t be happy if I move out of my Momma’s. I’ll never forgive myself for leaving her there.” You told Ellie honestly. “I’m sorry I didn’t realise this before.”

“You can’t be serious.” Ellie stared at you, her face guarded like you were going to laugh and tell her it was a sick joke. “You are serious.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” You wanted her to understand but she was too heroic. She would try help if she thought this wasn’t your decision.

“Yeah. So am I for not taking your fucking word for it the first day I met you. I should’ve sat with someone else.”

///

“Saw your girl started patrol today.” You looked up from the soapy water in the sink to where your mother was standing by the back door. You blinked at her, coming out of the daze you had been in. “That ain’t no job for a woman.”

She had been horrible the last few weeks. Telling you all about Ellie’s coming and goings when you refused to leave the house for anything other than work. Washing dishes down at the Bison. Everyone had to do their part, you hated doing yours.

It wasn’t a bad job per se. You could zone out and let muscle memory take over as you scrubbed the plates clean. No one talked to you much on account of your mother and it got you out of the house for a few hours every evening.

The problem was Ellie came to the diner every night with Dina and Jesse. She didn’t linger and you doubted that she even knew you were in the back. But you always found a second to pause when you heard her voice, as familiar to you as your own heartbeat.

“You never had anything to say when any other women go on patrol. Maria’s been doing it since the walls went up.” Your head jerked back with her grip on your hair and her hand pressed to the spot between your shoulder blades causing you to hiss.

“I didn’t ask for your sass.” She warned and you blinked back tears from the pain. “I think you oughta get to praying.”

“I got work, Momma.” You told her and she gripped your hair tighter. Her hand dug into your back, nails pressing deep.

“Better go get the belt then if you’re in such a hurry.” Your mother spat and released your hair. “Every time you talk like that I get reminded that you’re a child of the devil.”

You had a hard time believing that having the devil for a mother would be any different than the Momma you had.

///

It was years before you saw the signs. You had turned twenty one under your mothers watchful glare. She threatened harm on herself if you so much as came home late from work. You wondered why you cared so much that she remained unharmed when you hadn’t been able to lie on your back for years.

It all became clear one night when you followed the noise of her downstairs. She was standing in the kitchen, looking around in confusion. “Baby, what’re you doing up so late?”

She hadn’t called you Baby in years. Not since before you had met Ellie. She claimed that no baby of hers could be full of sin. “Just checking you’re okay, Momma.”

“I’m fine. Just a little lost.” She told you, an airy laugh on her lips. “I can’t find the bathroom.”

She was standing in a puddle.

“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”

Dealing with her was both harder and easier after your discovery. Maria let you stay home and care for her when you went to her and explained what was happening. There wasn’t exactly a nursing home you could send her to.

She began to pass through phases, a different version of your mother every time you talked to her. Sometimes you had your Momma back, a sweet woman who told you how pretty you’d grown to be. Sometimes you had your mother, the one who remembered Ellie.

Then one morning, the month you were turning twenty two, you had no mother. She had fallen asleep in her rocking chair and that was where you found her.

You sat with her for a long time. Just staring at her and wondered when it had gotten to the point that you stopped caring about her. Her death didn’t seem to have done anything besides giving you a sense of freedom you had only ever felt once before with Ellie’s lips on yours and her hands in your hair.

You found it within yourself to change her and wash her. She wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to do it. You laid her out in her own bed and then made your way down to the clinic to get a doctor to finally free you from her.

///

You had elected not to have a funeral service for your mother. You hadn’t even attended her burial yourself. No one had liked your mother, not even you. Maria had tried to sympathize with you but you hadn’t let her. She was the only one who tried.

You found yourself moving out of her house and into a small one bedroom cottage Maria had offered up. You returned to the Bison to wash dishes. You lived a boring life without prayers or belts or a constant ache on your scalp from having your hair pulled out by the root.

You could read books and leave the dishes overnight and play music that didn’t mention Jesus. Your back healed up but would forever be scarred but you knew without a doubt that your pain was at an end.

It had ended alongside her heartbeat and you knew for sure it was a bad thing to think but you no longer punished yourself for bad thoughts.

You no longer punished yourself.

///

A knock on the door gave you a pause and you looked up from your book to the living room window but you couldn’t see your front porch from the angle you were sat at. Just the pouring rain that had washed into Jackson a couple of days ago.

You pushed yourself up and answered the door, expecting Maria who came to check up on you monthly to make sure you hadn’t succumbed to madness while being so isolated.

It wasn’t Maria. It was Ellie.

She was soaked, rain water running down her hair and face into her clothes. You couldn’t say anything and chose instead to just stare at her as she left a puddle on your porch.

“Your mom died?” She asked and you marveled in how you had gone from speaking to her every day for almost four years to have gone longer without her words aimed at you.

“She did.” You answered slowly after a few minutes of just the rain for background noise. You continued to stare at her.

“I’m sorry.” You blinked, falling out of your trance at the condolences she offered. You folded your arms across your chest.

“What do you want Ellie?” You didn’t mean to sound harsh but you didn’t want her apologies. You wanted her to leave so you could get on with your quiet life.

“I want to know if she was the reason.” Ellie stopped pretending the second you did, grim determination on her face.

“We were kids, Ellie.” You sighed and she wiped the water off her face and clenched her jaw. “You can’t be still thinking about it.”

“Still thinking about it?” She exclaimed. “I ain’t stopped thinking about you. I’ve spent the last six years wondering if your mom wasn’t around would we be together.”

“Ellie.” You sighed heavily, stepping back from the doorway. She looked panicked for a second and you opened the door wider. “Come in before you catch your death.”

///

You got Ellie clothes to change into and a towel to dry herself off. When she returned to your living room she was wrapped in your clothes, toweling her hair dry. You had lit the small fire in your living room and now you were standing by the window, watching the rain.

“I didn’t know she had died.” Ellie spoke quietly and you looked up at her, releasing a sigh. You took a seat on your sofa, inviting Ellie to sit next to you. “Maria mentioned it in passing while we were at dinner. I came straight over here.”

“She had dementia or Alzheimer’s. One of those. It was bound to happen.” You explained to her and she nodded slowly.

“I know you really loved her.” Ellie sighed and you turned your head to look at her.

“I didn’t. Not really. I had a really tough life with her.” You explained to Ellie and she nodded like she had always known that. She didn’t get to nod like that. She didn’t know the half of it. “I think she had her sickness my whole life. She was batshit insane.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Ellie asked and you shrugged. You weren’t sure why you hadn’t been able to tell anyone. Mostly, you reasoned, you hadn’t known she was sick. How could you tell Ellie that you thought you were the problem? That you were so full of sin even your own mother couldn’t love you?

“It was my problem to deal with.” You told her honestly. “What are you really doing here?”

“To see if your okey. To see if there’s a chance we got it wrong at sixteen.” Ellie turned to face you, drawing her knees up to her chest. You couldn’t look at her.

“We?” You asked, picking at your nail beds and ignoring how close she was, how your body lit up in response.

“Yeah. We. You for calling it all off and me for letting you walk away.” You turned to look at her, incredulous. “I shouldn’t have given up.”

“That’s exactly what you should’ve done. Anything else would’ve made it so much worse.” You told her, pinching the bridge of your nose to ward off the headache you could feel coming.

“I could’ve helped!” Ellie insisted. “I could’ve given you the support you needed.”

“You couldn’t have made me straight!” You yelled, standing up from the sofa. You paced back to the window, staring out at the rain. “I needed to not be like this. You couldn’t have fixed that. She hated me.”

“She was your mother.” Ellie argued and you scoffed, fighting the urge to turn and look at her. “She had to have loved you.”

“She told me she’d kill herself if I went back to you.” You turned then, wanting to see the look in her eyes. The look of disgust because you gave in, you let her control you. But Ellie didn’t look disgusted, she looked horrified. “I came home one evening with swollen lips and this tiny mark on my jaw and she knew what we’d been doing. She told me that if I kept talking about loving you that she’d kill herself to not be stained by my sin.”

“She was sick. She didn’t know what she was-” your hand went to the hem of your T-shirt, pulling it up so that she could see your back. The criss cross of scars that overlapped. Years of torture and abuse. All of it culminating in this. “Angel.”

Ellie breathed that old nickname and you dropped your shirt but she caught it, having moved closer without your knowing. Her fingers ghosted over your skin and her breath came out shaky.

“When did this start?” Ellie asked and you laughed bitterly. “This isn’t a fucking joke. When did it start?”

“The day Joel asked for a sleepover. I told you she couldn’t know. I guess you just didn’t understand why.” She let your shirt drop and you turned around to find yourself face to face with her. “She told me that I was damned at five years of age. She used to make me pray in the dark for hours at a time. When I was twelve she made me hurt myself to repent for the sin of loving you. I never could. I repented for not being sorry instead.”

“I could’ve helped. I could’ve gotten you out.” Ellie sighed, her hand coming up to your cheek. You leaned into her and closed your eyes against the emotions that were welling up. “I could’ve fucking killed her for you.”

“I would’ve taken you up on that. Isn’t the awful?” You asked her but she shook her head, wrapping her arms around you. “I was so relieved when she died.”

“Guess I don’t have to feel bad for feeling the same way. I always knew it was her. Cause this, what’s going on with us, we might’ve been kids but I know what I felt, Angel. This was the real deal.” Ellie whispered against your neck and then you let it happen. You let the tears fall. You held her tightly and you sobbed for everything you could’ve had for the last six years.

///

You were sitting on the sofa, curled up against Ellie’s chest. Her hands softly stroked your hair and you were struck silent by the parallel of your mother doing the exact opposite, hurting you so violently.

“So you gonna cut me loose or keep me this time?” Ellie asked quietly. You looked up at her and without speaking cupped her cheek in your hand and pulled her down to your level. You pressed a sweet kiss to her lips and she smiled. “Not afraid of Hell any more?”

“If loving you leads me to hell then I’ll sit at the table with all the others who gave up the idea of an eternity of heaven for a short time with the true meaning of paradise.”

*Lyra Wren on tiktok

#ellie williams x afab reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams tlou #tlou ellie #ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie the last of us #ellie x reader #ellie x fem reader #ellie x you #the last of us #tlou

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running-with-the-feels · 8 months

Note

I will be doing that Kenshi character analysis when I have more free time (life's been hectic lately), but until then, please take my headcanons:

Kenshi chews hard candies. This is apparently a genetic trait since Takeda does the same thing.

Frost's real name is Morya (pronounced mori-ya) and she's Russian and Kazakh.

Her hair was also originally black but turned white with age. Which is a common thing for cryomancers, the fact that Kuai Liang has any black hair at his big age is nothing short of a miracle.

Sonya is a kleptomaniac and was a chronic shoplifter in her early teen years (a habit that took months to break). Nothing big just some snack food but she still finds herself pocketing things she's not supposed to.

Liu Kang's favorite song is One Week by Barenaked Ladies. If he's being honest, it kinda reminds him of his relationship with Kung Lao. (I have so many Liu Kang headcanons it's unreal but I'm going to limit myself to one for this ask)

This one's long:

Bi Han, before being kidnapped by the Lin Kuei, wanted to be an opera singer. He wasn't good at singing to start out, but one of his mom's friends worked at an opera house and was happy to give him free lessons. After being initiated into the Lin Kuei he was banned from indulging in hobbies as they were seen as meaningless. But he continued to practice if he had time on solo missions. He saw it as his own act of freedom/rebellion.

Then Hanzo tore his head off. As Noob he didn't even get to try, since the whole mind control business. Sometimes he'd find himself unconsciously falling back into old habits leading to people being unnerved when Noob fucking Saibot started hitting notes high enough to crack glass at them like some kind of horror movie.

Even after getting his humanity restored, his vocal cords were permanently damaged and pushing his voice too hard results in coughing fits, soreness, and losing his voice for days at a time. And when he does sing, it's strained and sometimes hurts. But if Bi Han's anything it's stubborn so he continues to "build up his tolerance" as he calls it.

EEEEEEEEEE can't wait to see it and I love these

The first time Sonya sees Kenshi chew a hard candy she walks straight into a wall in horror. Cassie does the same when she catches Takeda doing it.

The only people allowed to call Frost Morya are Kuai Liang and Cassie. Kuai Liang only ever does it when she's ill or injured and though she'll never admit it she finds it very comforting, and Cassie calls her that whenever she wants to kiss her really bad (bc Frost always kisses her when she does)

Kuai Liang still has black hair that oddly shows no sign of greying, but his eyes tend to flicker between their normal brown and a terrifyingly bright blue whenever he has a strong emotion, a trait also common in cryomancers.

Johnny is actually Sonya's biggest supporter in breaking her habit of nicking things and is the only person she's ever met that hasn't judged her for it, which she appreciates

Kung Lao's fav song is all star by smash mouth and he's the one who introduced Liu Kang to most of the music that Liu Kang knows (pls tell me your Liu Kang hc if you get the chance, I Beg)

Bi-Han used to sing lullabies to Kuai Liang and Tomáš in the Lin Kuei and Enenra can still be founding humming the tunes along to himself after a hard battle.

Noob got a bit of a reputation as a siren in the Netherrealm bc if you heard him singing it meant you were already dead.

After they resurrected Bi-Han and he began living at the Lin Kuei temple with Kuai Liang, Hanzo eventually came to apologize for killing him, it didn't go well but Hanzo is trying to atone and Bi-Han is struggling to stay angry about it (especially when Kuai Liang wants them to get along so bad)

Hanzo found out about the damage to his vocal chords and sought out an edenian tea said to be able to aid in the healing of such wounds, gifting it to the shadow wielder as part of his apology.

Bi-Han will never admit it but it actually works and being able to sing without pain again, even if only for as long as the tea is in effect, is the first thing to make him really feel human again

#love these hcs dude #bi han #takeda takahashi #kenshi takahashi #liu kang #kung lao #liulao #kuai liang #hanzo hasashi #sonya blade #johnny cage #mortal kombat #mortal kombat x #mortal kombat 11

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bwabys-scenarios · 1 year

Note

Hi hi it’s your favorite sleepy fic advisor/Kurapika stan!!! I’m playing hooky to go to the lake today fuck a minimum wage job in a capitalistic hell world heehoo

What do you think Kurapika’s love language(s) is/are? He’s a thoughtful dude, so I feel like gift giving is his time to shine, but at the same time acts of service when you’re overworking yourself- ugh he’s such a sweetheart lich rally the perfect man 😫💗

My own bf just snagged me a record player at a garage sale yesterday after years of having his own record collection and begging me to start one as well. The first thing I did was order Hozier’s new album. I could see Kurapika doing something similar, especially with how they both share an mbti type :’) cozy nights spent listening to vinyl music. He gets a gift that you’d love, not expect, and could enjoy for a long time together. He checks off the Perfect Gift Trifecta every time.

I’m all over the place here, it’s earlier than I normally wake up and my ADHD meds haven’t quite kicked in yet I apologize. Brainstorming with you and helping on Fixer Upper has been the highlight of my summer, seeing ideas we collaborate on come to life in real time is just *chefs kiss*

I gotta pack my bags now before I go but just thought I’d drop in here, pet the cats for me and hang in there, the weather will cool down soon enough!

-K.A.

How Kurapika shows his love:

Acts of service

Kurapika hasn’t always been there for you when you really needed him, meaning now that he is, he would do next to anything for you. He’ll run to the store to grab your favorite snacks when you aren’t feeling well, gently massages all your sore spots, accompanies you on shopping trips.

He wants to do things for you, even if it’s as simple as opening a jar of pickles, he feels so in love when he’s able to do little things that are of service to you.

Gift Giving

Kurapika is a gift giver, through and through. He has trouble holding himself back from buying every little thing that reminds him of you. That keychain with your favorite character on it, those shoes that would go nice with your favorite dress, and flowers of all kinds.

He also enjoys making you gifts, mostly consisting of clothing. He’s really good at sewing, and you taught him to knit, so he’s always making you new dresses that fit you perfectly. He’s weak for a good sundress, and when you’re wearing something he made you it’s hard for him to keep his hands to himself.

Words of Affirmation

Kurapika wants you to know how much he adores you, so compliments and little words of adoration are commonplace in your shared home.

It’s like he can’t go one second without telling you how amazing you are, and how in love with you he is. You’re his angel, his princess, the love of his life. He’ll plant kisses on your neck as he coos about how beautiful you are.

What he wants from his partner:

Physical Touch

As I’ve said before, Kurapika is TOUCH STARVED!! Before you, he hadn’t been held by another person since he was a child, so once he gets a taste of your touch he craves it.

His favorite thing is to lay his head in your lap, face buried in your tummy as you run your fingers through his hair. Kurapika could stay like this forever if you let him.

When he gets you pregnant, all he wants is to nuzzle against your baby bump, leaving kisses against your skin. He loves you so much!

He also enjoys just being held in your arms, with you rubbing soothing circles into his back. Kurapika can be a bit of a clinger once he gets comfortable around you, so he prepared!

Quality Time

Once Kurapika comes around to his feelings for you, all he wants is to spend more and more time with you. He needs you to hold him, to want to do fun things with HIM!

His favorite thing is when you have him sit at the kitchen table while you bake, feeding him bits of frosting or jam. He also likes cuddling up with you on the couch, watching some random movie. He enjoys accompanying anywhere you wish to go, as long as he gets to spend time with you he’s happy!

Words of Affirmation

It may not seem like it, but Kurapika is actually pretty insecure about his body. He struggles with believing you’re attracted to him, even if you’re always heating up when he’s around you.

Praise him, tell him how pretty and handsome he is. He needs to know you find him attractive. There are many other men in your life that he thinks look way better than him, so reassure him that he’s the only one for you. It makes him swoon!

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e-dubbc11 · 9 months

Note

Happy Winter Sleepover! ❄️

What about Little Anna & some Winter fun!?!

“Tracking down your mittens, hats, scarves, heavy socks before heading into the cold”

“going sledding together and ending up in the snow”

& “Unexpected snowball fight” bc of course Frank needs a reason to “help” Anna win of course 😂

Hellllloooooo my lovely!! I’m really trying to keep these on the shorter side but I can’t seem to do that but more Anna Raven is never a bad thing so I hope you like this one. (More Irreplaceable is coming too) Thank you for sending this one in, I do love writing for this family ♥️

Snow Day

Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.

Pairing: Tattoo Artist Billy Russo x F! Reader; supporting character(s) Frank Castle

Warnings: All the fluff

Word Count: 1.9K-ish

Summary: Pretty self explanatory but Anna is VERY excited for her first snow day and excited she gets to play with Mom, Dad, and Uncle Frank.

Part of The Sweetest Pain Series

As always, thank you for reading! I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕 💕

“It’s snowing, Mommy!!” She squealed with excitement.

Anna Raven pointed her chubby little finger toward the full length windows as she stood next to you while large flakes of snow floated past your faces, some of them kissing the glass on the way down. It was falling like confetti from the silver clouds up above and she had the look of pure joy on her face.

“Yes it is, baby girl! And we’re supposed to get a lot of snow later so maybe tomorrow we can go to the park and play. Does that sound like fun?” You asked.

Anna was clapping her hands and jumping up and down; she was so excited.

“Can Daddy play too?” She asked.

Bending down to her level, you looked into her big brown eyes that were just like her father’s and with a warm smile, replied “I’m sure Daddy would love to play in the snow with us. I just hope he makes it home later because it’s starting to fall faster.”

The city down below was slowly turning into a clean blanket of white. It was always very peaceful watching the snow fall down onto the hectic streets underneath from inside your warm apartment.

The naked tree branches were frozen and snow was starting to pile up which cast twisted and knotted shadows on the ground. Frost patterns that had started to form on the windows shined as the soft warm light from inside your home lightly touched them revealing their unique patterns.

“Pretty…” Said Little Raven as she gently touched the glass with her finger, pointing at the snowflakes that were stuck to the window.

This snowstorm was reminiscent of the day Anna was born. The snow was light but it came down hard and fast; you almost didn’t make it to the hospital in time for her arrival and Billy also came dangerously close to missing his daughter being born.

Now, almost four years later, you looked down at the beautiful little girl you and Billy had brought into the world and could not wait to play with her outside on her very first snow day.

Now if you could only remember where you put all of your winter outerwear…

After only a couple of hours of worrying, Billy did make it home that night. It was late and Little Raven had already gone to sleep but he did make it home safe. His flushed frozen cheeks didn’t stop him from flashing that perfect smile at you as soon as he walked through the door.

All he wanted to do was hold you, shower, and go to bed but not before peeking in on Anna to watch her sleep for a few minutes. His client had been difficult and exhausting.

When Billy suggested he finish the tattoo another time on account of the snow, his client became testy and complained how long he had to wait the first time for an appointment. He didn’t want to wait for another one so Billy stayed to finish it and he was completely out of gas by the time he arrived home.

Another wide smile stretched across his face when you told him how excited Anna was to play in the snow tomorrow. You were excited for Billy too; this was the kind of thing that he never got to experience when he was a child but he is able to now with his own family.

Before falling asleep, Billy whispered “Oh…Frankie said they’ll be over in the morning. They already canceled school so we’re all gonna have a snow day. Sound good, sweet girl?”

“That sounds perfect, handsome.” You said.

The Next Morning

You felt like your head barely hit the pillow before you heard little feet hit the floor. Anna ran to the living room to look out the window before she came charging into your bedroom.

“Mommy! Look at all the snow!! Wake up, Daddy!” She yelled, pulling on Billy’s arm.

“Alright, little miss. We’re awake.” Billy said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and letting out an extended yawn.

“I gotta go potty.” Don’t go play without me.” Said Anna.

The two of you chuckled.

Billy gazed at you, his eyes shined like two pieces of onyx as he inched closer to give you a kiss. His long agile fingers danced up and down your arm that was sleeved as he said, “You have really nice tattoos. Your artist is really talented.”

You felt warmth rise to your cheeks and a smile stretched across your lips. “Are you flirting with me, Mr. Russo?” You asked.

“Maybe.” Said Billy, with a devilish smile on his face.

“Well you can flirt with me later, I’m sure Frank will be here soon.” You said.

Billy tossed the blanket off of his body. “You’re starting to know Frankie the way I know Frankie. And I’m pretty sure you’re right. We better get up but first I’m gonna give you one more kiss.”

As soon as Billy’s lips touched yours, you heard three loud raps at your door.

“Rise and shine, Russo’s! Let’s go!” Frank boomed from behind the front door.

You helped Little Raven in the bathroom before she ran out into the living room.

“Uncle Frankie!!!” Anna screamed. “You see all the snow!”

Frank picked her up and placed her on his hip. “I did, Little Raven. Go with Mommy and get dressed so we can go play. I’ll try and wake your dad up with some coffee.” Frank said, as Billy emerged from the bedroom, his raven colored hair was all over the place.

“I had to hunt for it but I found all the winter stuff; I’m gonna go get her ready. Time to get dressed, lieutenant.” You said. The bristles of his beard tickled your lips as you kissed him on the cheek.

“Roger that.” Billy replied, lightly smacking your ass as you walked past him.

It was still snowing a little when you arrived at the park. The air was cold; it made your breath visible as you all walked to find a decent hill to sled down. The sound of the snow beneath your feet made a slight crunching sound. Peeking out from behind the clouds, the sun shone down onto the snow covered surfaces making everything appear brighter.

It was beautiful.

Listening to Junior and Lisa laugh as they pulled Anna around on one of the sleds was music to your ears and you watched as Billy and Frank go from what you thought would be an innocent snowball toss to a full blown snowball fight; it made you laugh.

This is the family life Billy deserved to have; it’s the life you deserved to have. Lisa gave Anna a snowball that was so big she had to hold it with both hands while Frank picked her up and told her to put it down the back of her father’s coat.

With snow clinging to her eyelashes and the ends of her dark brown hair, you watched Anna play, throw snowballs, and she even helped build a snowman. She rolled a ball of snow until she couldn’t push it anymore; you helped her after that but she was so pleased with how much she did herself.

“Dad, I found a hill we can sled down…over there.” Junior pointed to a spot in the park where a lot of kids were sledding.

“That’s a little steep, isn’t it?” Frank said.

“We can do it, Dad.” Lisa said.

“I meant steep for Little Raven.” Said Frank.

“I’ll go down with her, she’ll be fine.” Billy said, looking over at you and giving you a wink.

You just smiled and said, “Well I kinda need to see this.”

Your toes were starting to get cold despite wearing the warmest socks you could find. Also, it might have been a good idea to take Billy up on the hand warmers he offered you.

Next time you would; everyone seemed to be winding down anyway and Anna would need a nap soon but you watched as they all trekked up the hill, sleds in tow, and little Raven on top of her father’s shoulders.

She looked so excited.

Billy firmly placed Anna in front of him, making sure there was no possible way she could fall out. Junior was going down by himself; Frank and Lisa were in the sled next to Billy. It looked like they were going to race to see who could get to the bottom of the hill the fastest.

You waited at the bottom of the hill for them, out of the way so you wouldn’t get run over by other people in their sleds. They pushed themselves forward and took off down the hill. Gaining speed, Junior was in the lead with Lisa and Frank catching up.

It looked as though Billy was so concerned about Anna falling off, that he got distracted and three quarters of the way down the hill, he fell off the back but Little Raven remained upright and slid almost right to you.

The smile on her face was probably the biggest smile you had ever seen her make. It took up her entire face; it was Billy’s smile.

Billy, however, was not smiling.

“Look at you! Did you have fun?” You asked Anna, scooping her up into your arms and kissing her flushed cheeks.

“Where Daddy go?” She asked.

Frank and the kids couldn’t stop laughing. Billy had snow covering his black beanie, the tips of his long dark lashes had snow stuck in them, and snow covered the back of his black jacket. You tried to control your laughter but you couldn’t.

“Well baby, Daddy fell off the sled.” You said, biting back a smile.

Billy trudged up to you with a scowl on his face. “Oh it’s sooooo funny isn’t it.” He said sarcastically.

“Daddy ok?” Little Raven asked with concern in her tiny voice.

“At least someone is concerned for my well-being.” He said as the scowl disappeared and a slight smile took its place.

“Oh come on, Bill. You fell off the back of a sled, not off a cliff.” Said Frank, still laughing.

“Yes baby, Daddy’s ok. His pride is just a little hurt, that’s all.” Said Billy.

With his lip curled into a half smile, Frank said, “Well I gotta hand it to ya, Bill. You managed to fall off without tossing Little Raven out of the sled. I don’t know if that’s skill or luck.”

“You ok, handsome?” You asked with Anna sitting on your hip.

He inched closer to you and kissed your forehead. “I’m fine, sweet girl.”

Anna let out a long yawn, the tip of her nose was cherry red, and her eyes were almost halfway closed.

“Looks like someone’s tired.” Frank said with a warm smile.

“Who wants hot chocolate?” You asked.

Junior and Lisa’s hands shot straight up in the air.

“I do! I do!” They both said in unison.

“Ok, we’ll have hot chocolate at Uncle Billy’s and Auntie y/n’s so they can put Little Raven down for a nap. Then we’ll go so they can have a nap too. Can’t give Anna a sibling without a nap, right Bill?” Frank whispered with a wink.

You playfully rolled your eyes while Billy nudged Frank’s arm.

“Real smooth, Frankie. Real smooth.”

Tag List: @wheresthesunshinesblog @rafaelakelley @idaoftheburningmind @snowkestrel @fakehappy27 @music-indie-tv @fictional-hooman @kayhi808 @munsonownsmyass @gijos @celestialams @k-marzolf @nutmeg17 @rosaleenablack @vaguekayla @qu1etwolf @danzer8705 @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes

Others that might enjoy: @itwasthereaminuteago @fluffyprettykitty @jvanilly @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend @russosafehaven @mrsbillyrusso

If you’d like to be added (or removed from) my tag list(s) for the ever so handsome Billy Russo, just let me know and thank you again for reading! 💕💕💕 If I tagged you but you didn’t want to be, just let me know and I’ll never do it again.

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo imagine #billy russo fanfic #billy russo x female reader #billy russo au #tattoo artist billy russo #the sweetest pain #winter sleepover 2024

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bigtreefest · 3 months

Note

Oh, Essie. ❤️

Who are your top 3 comfort characters?

Navy!! I can’t tell you how hard this was!! I literally asked like all my friends and family trying to find the characters that I rave about and always go to. It’s so hard to differentiate favorite shows from comfort characters, too, because there are many shows and movies that I like, but the characters are not comforting at all😅 anywhoooo, here they are:

- Jake Peralta from Brooklyn99: he’s just absolutely hilarious, but legitimately so sweet. A little bit messy, but good at his job and incredibly endearing and tuned in to those around him. He grows a lot and finds a way to bring out the playful nature in others. There’s just such a draw to watching him

- Dr. Doofenshmirtz from Phineas and Ferb: I mean, an image of evil who’s not really evil. He works hard and loves his daughter, despite rarely getting to see her since his divorce. He’s incredibly creative and driven to always be scheming, but also a little messy and ridiculous, where he can be his own demise. A treat to see and never too intense. Somehow always pulls on my heartstrings

- early Leo from Charmed: ohhhhh, Leo. I think I’ve been in love with Leo since I spawned. He’s just so sweet and morally right and capable!! A very strong and steady and kind guardian (at the beginning of his characterization. Let’s not talk about later when he starts to get a little selfish and weird). Soooo put together and handy and hot. And the frosted tips!!!! (Although they were sadly short-lived and difficult to find a photo of) Have I mentioned how much I love frosted tips??? (Yes, Essie. You have. Several times. Chill, girl.). A truly good man who was a rarity and honestly, still would be in this day and age. And I kinda loved his bias towards the sisters bc he was so into Piper. Who doesn’t love a little favoritism when it’s directed towards them? LOOK AT HIM: !!!!!

-Bonus: Adrian Monk bc I’m watching that show with my sister off and on. He’s so smart and has been through so much. It’s admirable that he and his assistant are still good people and I love their dynamic. And there’s always a nice resolution😌

Thank you again for this ask! I loved thinking through everything and rediscovering some characters I haven’t thought about in awhile!!💗

#ask Essie #Essie answers #thanks for dropping in #navybrat817 #jake peralta #brooklyn 99 #dr. doofenshmirtz #phineas and ferb #adrian monk #Leo from charmed #Leo Wyatt #charmed #monk #my comfort characters

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hellowhisperingstars · 1 year

Text

Chapter Nine: The Drop

Summary: A night at the bar doesn’t go how you and Eddie thought it would and it ends with you getting punished. Eddie lets you in on some of the darker moments of his past that no one really knows about.

Pairing: Rockstar/Bar Owner!Eddie Munson x Baker!Reader

Words: 9K

Warnings: 18+, dom/sub dynamic, smut, spanking, vibrators, fingering, safe word used, sub drop, alcohol, mentions of drugs, jealousy, an almost bar fight, angst, cussing, overuse of pet names, Y/N used, talks of past jail time, the word whore is used a lot, mentions of canon character death by suicide. Please let me know if I missed anything.

A/N: Hello! Gonna be honest this chapter was hard as hell to write. I had zero motivation and I ended up re-writing a part of it like three times. I'm sorry it's been so long since my last update but here is chapter nine! As always the girl in the gif does not represent what the reader looks like, I just needed the aesthetic of a pinky promise! Please tell me what you think! Also I've never experienced sub drop so I probably didn't portray it correctly please be nice about it!

Likes, comments, and reblogs are always greatly appreciated! <3

Please let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list! I will be double checking if you have your age in your bios! AGELESS OR BLANK BLOGS WILL NOT BE ADDED TO THE TAG LIST!

Previous - Masterlist - Forward

They say that time heals all wounds and you knew that was what you needed for your heart to get back into shape. After taking a few days to grieve you easied your way back into work, knowing Nana wouldn’t want you to dwell on her passing and soon you found yourself back in the swing of things. The kitchen was a place where you could let your stress melt away, letting you focus on the task at hand; currently that was a cupcake cake in the shape of a dinosaur. You went about adjusting the cupcakes into the perfect spots before you were confident enough to start frosting it. Outlining the dino with white buttercream you then moved onto filling it in with the light green and blue buttercream for its skin and spots. Cartoonish. Cute. The kid will love it.

“Y/N,” Emma said as she poked her head back into the kitchen. “Mrs. Reynolds is here for that dinosaur cake.”

“Just finished!” You smiled as you picked it up and placed it in a box for your customer. “I’ll bring it right out!”

“I’ll let her know!” Emma smiled as she moved back into the front of the shop. You heard her quiet. “It’ll be out in just a minute.”

Slapping the sticker on top you picked it up and maneuvered your way out of the kitchen into the shop towards the empty register. “Mrs. Reynolds?”

“That would be me!” The red-haired soccer mom said as she stood up from your cafe table and bounced over to you. She seemed more excited about this cake then her kid probably was.

“Your order is ready!” You smiled as you placed it on the counter pushing it towards her. “I hope the birthday boy likes it!”

“I’m sure he will!” She smiled as she touched the top of the box. “Can I look?”

“Be my guest!”

You watched as she lifted the lid and did an excited little dance. “Oh my it’s perfect! I knew you wouldn’t let me down!”

“I’m so happy you like it!” You laughed in glee holding your hands to your chest. This. This reaction is why you decided to open the bakery in the first place.

She smiled brightly at you as she closed the lid on the box and pulled it carefully into her arms, gave you a little wave, and headed towards the door with a little bounce in her step.

Grinning, you headed back into the kitchen to finish a few more orders until you had to leave. Tonight you were going to the bar for the first time in a few weeks. You hadn’t been ready to face a lot of people since the funeral but Eddie had convinced you to come out cause the boys were playing again and getting the chance to get out and listen to your favorite band with a few drinks with friends is just what the doctor - or in this case the Dom - ordered. Plus the band would be leaving for New York soon to work on a deal and a new album with their record company and Eddie wanted to spend as much time with you as he could before he had to hop on that plane out of state for a few weeks.

Looking at the clock you nodded to yourself and got to work on a new order. Just a few more hours and you can see your boy.

The bar was busy tonight as you pulled into an open space in the parking lot. Grabbing your purse you pull it over your shoulder and exit your car, bumping your hip against the door to close it after you locked it. It was nice out, the heat of the day had diminished enough that your sundress could be paired with a light jacket and you were comfortable. Walking up the steps to the patio you smiled as the sound of the bass rattled your bones before you even opened the door, pulling it open as you stepped inside. By the looks of it you were late to the party, Eddie was already on stage, singing his heart out into the mic with his guitar in his hands but once he saw you his face lit up like the fourth of July. Mid song he gestured for you to come over to the stage. He wanted his hello kiss. Didn’t matter to him that he was in the middle of a performance or that you haven't even sat your purse down yet. He tossed his guitar over his shoulder so it hung against his back before he pulled the mic from the stand and knelt down, holding his hand out to you which you gave as he sang. You laugh a little at the attention he was giving you and for a moment it's like he's singing just for you, completely forgetting the crowded bar behind you.

Once the lyrics had momentarily stopped to allow for a good second guitar solo from Jeff, Eddie moved the mic away to pull you closer with your hand, placing a kiss on your lips before he pulled back his voice starting to get raspy from singing. “Hi baby.”

“Hi.” You smile up at him, your sweaty rocker. “You look sexy up there.”

“Yeah?” He asks, his eyebrows disappearing under his bangs as he fakes shock before a smirk graces his plush lips.

“Yeah.” You nod before tapping his hand holding the mic with a little smirk of your own. “You have a song to finish. I'll be at the bar.”

He nodded with a chuckle pulling you back in for one more kiss before he let you go with a wink and let out an over exaggerated groan as he stood up just to make you laugh. Puting the mic back on the stand he pulled his guitar back into place as he started to sing again.

You mouthed the words along with him as you walked to the bar, knowing the song by heart since college, and a smile flashed on your face as you noticed Lizzy sitting with her back to you. Slowly you crept up behind her and placed your hands over her eyes laughing as she jumped in surprise. “Guess who?!”

Lizzy’s hands came up quickly to grab yours, her fingers feeling around for anything that would give away who it was. “Well the band’s still playing and these hands are way too soft to be Jeff’s. I was just talking to Robin so… it has to be… Y/N!”

You laughed as she pulled your hands away so she could turn on the stool to face you as you perched yourself on the stool next to her. “Hey!”

“Hey! How have you been? Are you doing okay?” She asked with a low concerned voice, her hand rubbing up and down your arm.

“I've been alright,” You smiled tilting your head a little with a small shrug. “Finally getting back to normal.”

“That's good. If you ever need to talk you know Robs and I are here for you.” Lizzy said as Robin slid you your usual drink order.

“Thank you.” You said for both the drink and her offer. It was nice to have friends like the ones you made here at the bar, you’ve missed them. “Where’s Steve? I thought he was working tonight.”

“Over there.” Robin said pointing behind you.

Steve seemed almost back to his old self. He was always able to move on with things faster than you ever could, but Nana's passing took a toll on him, you could see it. His smile wasn’t as wide as it normally would have been but by the look of it he wasn’t doing too bad of a job flirting with a girl at a table by the stage.

You smiled at your cousin when he looked up at you with his own little grin. Yeah. You guys would be okay. Moving your gaze back to the stage you watched as the band finished their last song on a strong note, Eddie always loved a big finish when it came to his performances on stage. He was sweaty and winded but smiling at the ceiling lights as the last note was played, he really loved what he did. Turning to Robin you ordered Eddie a water knowing that his throat would need it after all that singing.

The crowd went wild as the band moved off the stage to take a break and mingle with the patrons of the bar. Eddie stopped at a few tables on his way to the counter, to you, he was checking in on the crowd seeing if they were having a good time or needed anything else. A few people slapped him on the back making him laugh with a well placed joke or comment. Soon he was behind you, his arms going around your waist so his chin could lean on your shoulder. “There’s my beautiful girl.”

“Well hello handsome.” You smiled as you looked at him the best you could from the awkward angle he was forcing. “You sounded great tonight. Sorry I missed most of it.”

“It’s okay. We’re playing again another day.” Smiling he kissed the side of your neck before he pulled back with a fake little pout. “And are you saying I don’t sound great every other night?”

“Yeah…” You smirked, it was time to mess with him. “You were a little pitchy last time.”

“Pitchy?!” He gasped as he leaned back to look you in the eye, his eyes narrowed when he saw that little gleam of mischief in them. Tickling your side he pushed his nose into your hair so he could whisper in your ear. “Oh you are such a brat.”

Your laugh was interrupted as the small redhead from open mic night walked up to Eddie. She was back in her tight corset and short skirt.“You were great tonight Eddie!”

“Huh?” He asked as he pulled back a little to look at her. Misty. She was a nice girl but extremely pushy. There was no telling how many times he had turned her down. “Oh, thanks Misty.”

“Can I buy you a drink?” She asked, lifting her hand towards the bar, cocking her head to the side in a flirtatious manner.

“No thanks, Misty. I’m good.” Eddie said as you passed him the water that you had asked Robin for. “My girls got that taken care of. Thanks baby."

“You’re welcome.” You smiled as you looked over at her before you turned around to take a sip of your own drink.

“Then maybe I can buy you dinner sometime?” She batted her eyelashes at him this time. She was laying it on thick, trying to get Eddie to fall for her in some way shape or form.

This whole conversation was awkward to be in the middle of and you looked over at Lizzy and Robin with a wide eyed glance. Was this girl really trying to pick up your boyfriend right in front of you? Lizzy gave you a knowing look back while Robin just shrugged and went about making a new drink for another customer. She had seen this time and time before, she knew Eddie wouldn’t go for it.

Eddie sighed, leaning his head against the back of yours as he rolled his eyes and whispered into your hair so quietly that you barely heard him, “She doesn’t give up…” Before he lifted his head and looked over at her. “No, thank you. I’m not into cheating. The only girl I’m going out to dinner with is this pretty girl right here.”

“So… You're dating someone?” She asked in shock as she looked you over behind your back. Her tone made you look over your shoulder at her. “You told me you weren't interested in dating anyone right now.”

“And I wasn't. Then I met her and I changed my mind. As a fully functioning adult and human with free will I'm allowed to do that.” Eddie said as he set the cup down on the counter next to your drink after he took a gulp of it, one of his hands caressed the small of your back while his other one sat on his hip.

Misty's lips puckered like she just sucked on a lemon and her eyes narrowed. “I've been trying to get your attention for months and this chick walks in one night and you fall all over her?!”

“Look Misty,” Eddie sighed as he dropped his hand from his hip to your thigh rubbing it up and down. “I don’t have to explain myself to you. If you don’t like the fact that I’m dating someone you don’t have to come back.”

“But that’s not fair!” She snapped looking at you again with a glare. You didn’t look like the type of girl Eddie would go for. What could he see in you? “She’s not even your type!”

Eddie blinked at her before he turned to look over at you, he took in your hair, your eyes, the little smile you always gave him when you looked at him. “Nah, she’s definitely my type.”

All of Misty’s questions and arguments were starting to get to you. So what if you didn’t dress like her? Sure you didn't dress the way people thought Eddie would like, you weren’t a metalhead or even a punk but Eddie was your boyfriend, your dom. He likes you for you. Rolling your eyes a little you look back at your drink trying to ignore Misty the best you could.

Taking a deep breath Misty straightened her shoulders and stomped away back to her spot at the other end of the bar.

“Well she's pissed.” You mutter at Eddie as he invades your space again. “Does she bother you a lot?”

“Yeah. She started coming around for a few months before you did and I made the mistake of sleeping with her. She has not left me alone since.” He shrugged as he laid his chin back on your shoulder. “She'll find someone else to cling on to, that's kinda what she does. I feel bad for hurting her feelings but she won't take no for an answer.”

“My offer to fight her still stands, Eddie Bear.” Lizzy said as she took a drink looking a little too eager to fight the redhead.

“And while I appreciate it, I think Jeff would kill me if I let that pretty face get hurt.” Eddie said as he poked her nose before he leaned over giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you for the offer though.”

You and Eddie laughed as Lizzy put her fists up punching the air in front of her slightly. “Just say the word.”

“Hey Eddie!” Someone shouted over the music getting his attention. The older man waved in a come here motion.

“Be right back babe. Behave. Both of you.” He said kissing the side of your head and ruffling Lizzy's hair, cause he knows she hates it, as he went by to see what was up.

“One day that boy is going to learn the hard way about messing with a black woman's hair…” Lizzy snarked as she fixed her ponytail.

“I would pay to see that!” You said raising your drink in her direction.

Lizzy lifted her own drink and tapped your glass with hers. “And I will take your money!”

After a while Gareth had taken up residence on the stool next to you, leaning over the bar to grab a lime slice to go with his tequila shot. “I have been looking forward to this shot all night!”

“Only one shot?” You asked as you watched him down it before he bit into the citrus in his hand.

“I promised my wife I wouldn’t drink a lot tonight.” He muttered around the slice. “She wants to have a serious conversation and being hung over is not an option.”

“Ooooh…” Lizzy smirked as Jeff wrapped his arms around her. “Trouble in paradise?”

“Maybe she’s pregnant…” You offered as you gave him a playful wide eyed look that made him nervous.

“Stop it.” Gareth quipped as he threw the rind at you. “I’m not ready to be a dad yet!”

You and Lizzy laughed at him as you took the last sip of your drink. Putting the empty glass on the counter you smiled as Robin and Steve joined you both behind the counter passing out drinks and taking payments. Eddie flitted about the bar going in between loving on you, taking smoke breaks, and talking to the people who had come out to see them play. It was just like old times and exactly what you needed, well except for the glares of a certain redhead being thrown your way from across the bar, you could have done without that, but you just ignored her. She wasn’t your problem.

One of the times that Eddie had found himself behind the bar you hopped off the stool you were perched on and went around the counter. Since you were the boss's girlfriend you were more than welcome behind the bar but you mainly stayed on your stool more than content to watch them mix and serve drinks, you didn’t like feeling like you were in the way. Tonight though you had a plan to mess with Eddie. You needed to make a little bit of trouble to get back into the swing of things so to speak in your dynamic with him. He’s been treating you like spun glass since Nana passed and while you were grateful you were ready to go back to your regularly scheduled program.

Coming up behind Eddie you wrapped your arms around his waist as he leaned on the counter talking to an older gentleman you haven't met before. His hand dropped down to hold yours as he looked over his shoulder at you, “Hey sweetheart. Come here I wanna introduce you to someone.”

You let him pull you around so you were standing between him and the bar so you could see the older man. “Hi.”

“Hey kiddo,” He said in his gruff voice. He was balding and the little hair he did have was gray and white, scruff covered the lower half of his face. He had the same kind look in his eyes that Eddie did.

“Y/N, this is my Uncle Wayne.” Eddie introduced as he smiled down at you. “Wayne, this is my girlfriend Y/N.”

“Nice to finally meet the girl that Ed doesn’t shut up about.” Wayne smiled as he held his hand out for you to shake.

You laughed as you shook his hand. “He’s told me so much about you too! Please tell me you have embarrassing stories?!”

Wayne laughed as he took a sip of his beer. “Oh you bet I do. That boy’s been an adventure since the moment he stepped foot in my house!”

“Fuck...” Eddie sighed leaning his head back towards the ceiling. “This was a terrible idea.”

The three of you chatted for a while laughing as Wayne told you of the time a young Eddie tried and almost succeeded in befriending the raccoon that dug through their trash at night. “That animal bit his arms up real good. He’s lucky there was little to no scarring. We spent almost a full night at the ER making sure that boy didn't get rabies!”

Snorting into your water you looked up at Eddie as he rolled his eyes. “A raccoon really?”

“What?! They’re wearing masks! They look like cute little bandits! I thought I could teach him to help me steal snacks!” He laughed. “I went for an easier pet next time.”

“A possum.” Wayne laughed into his glass as he finished the last mouthful. “He kept a possum in his room for three days until I found it. Little bastard started hissing at me from under the bed.”

“I would have gotten away with it too if you didn’t go searching for cigarettes.” Eddie mumbled into his own beer.

You shook your head as you laughed.

“Laugh it up babe,” Eddie smirked as he leaned down to whisper in your ear, making you bite your lip to hold back your smile. “We’ll see who gets the last laugh later.”

Wayne smiled at the two of you as he pushed his empty glass away and stood up from his stool. “Time for this old man to head home. This is enough excitement for me for one night. Moving from the night shift to the day shift has me all tired.”

“You know you can always retire.” Eddie said as he watched his father figure stretch his tired muscles. “I can pay your bills as you do whatever you want. Shit you could go fishing everyday for all I care.”

“Maybe next year. But you ain’t payin’ for shit, I got my money handled just fine.” Wayne said with a look at Eddie before he turned to you. “It was nice meeting you sweetheart. You and Ed should come by for dinner soon.”

“I would love that!” You smiled.

“You two have a goodnight. I’ll talk to you later, son.” He said, leaning over the counter to pat Eddie on his shoulder. Taking his wallet from his back pocket he dropped a couple bucks on the counter for his beer and gave you both a little wave before he moved through the crowded bar towards the door.

“I like him.” You smile as you look up at Eddie as he grabs the money off the counter and puts it into the tip jar. He would never tell his uncle that his money was no good here. So no matter the amount Wayne left on the counter it went straight into the tip jar for Robin and Steve to divide up later.

“He likes you too.” He smiled as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders.

“You think so?”

“I know so.” Eddie nodded as he looked down at you. “He wouldn't have invited you to dinner if he didn’t.”

The thought made you smile, you had somehow won over his uncle, that was a big step. But you had no time to sit in that moment because now it was time to put your plan into action. Slowly you slipped your hand into the pocket of your sundress and produced a shitty pair of plastic handcuffs. It was the type you would get in a childs police officer costume. A kid at the bakery insisted on trading them for a cookie, a free cookie, but hey a trade was a trade. They were easy to break and wouldn’t hurt Eddie but it would get the point across and that’s what mattered. Quickly you slapped the cheap cuff onto his wrist and the otherside onto the handle of one of the fridges that sat under the counter.

Eddie raised his brows at you as you ducked away from him when he went to grab you, a little smirk on his lips. He jostled his wrist that the plastic was holding him hostage. “Really?”

Jeff and the other boys leaned on the counter to get a better look and laughed at Eddie's plight. Biting his lip Jeff chuckled at him. “Gonna be the sub tonight Ed?”

“Shut up.” He muttered as he pulled a little on the cuff before looking over at you. “You wanna play this game?”

“Maybe,” You shrugged, sticking your tongue out at him. You winked as you took a step back out of his reach when he lunged for you, the tiny fridge door opening as he moved. “Careful baby. Don’t want to hurt your wrist.”

“The only thing that’s going to hurt tonight is that cute little ass of yours.” He smiled as he took a step back to close the door and fiddle with the cuff until it fell off his wrist. Standing up straight he pointed to the ground in front of him. “Get over here.”

“Hmmm,” You hummed as you rocked back and forth in your converse. “No.”

“Child.” A scoff sounded from behind you.

Turning you looked at Misty as she rolled her eyes at you. “Excuse me?”

“I said you’re a child.” She sneered as she propped her head on her palm. “Why would you embarrass him like that? In his own bar? In front of his band?”

“I wasn’t…” You shook your head. You were just playing. Your brows scrunched together as you stared at her, your hands balling into fists at your sides. It was just a prank.

“Misty.” Eddie said in warning as he came up behind you. “Don’t listen to her baby, you're fine. You didn’t embarrass me.”

“I don't know what he sees in you…” She said ignoring Eddie. “You’re nothing special.”

Your eyes narrowed slightly as you stared at her.

“And you think you are?” Lizzy asked as she leaned on the counter to get a look at her from where she sat not too far away. Jeff put his hand on her shoulder in warning.

“I would be better for him than you will ever be.” Misty said as she leaned in towards you. “I wouldn’t embarrass him or act like a child. I would be the perfect submissive.”

“Enough.” Eddie warned as he put his hand on your shoulder. “Don't listen to her Y/N… Hey. Look at me.”

You turned and looked at him, he didn’t seem bothered by your prank, so instead of dwelling you took a deep breath and rolled your eyes at Eddie to show your frustrations and shook your head turning back to look at Misty. “I’m not having this conversation. I’m sorry you feel slighted but that’s not my fault. Have a goodnight.”

“Scared I’m right?” She called as you started to walk away.

“No,” You shook your head again at her. “I just think this conversation is stupid. You’re just mad that Eddie made a choice and it wasn’t you. Simple as that.”

“Come on baby.” Eddie said, pulling you away from Misty. He wanted to get you as far away from the bitter woman as quickly as possible.

“I bet he’s only putting up with you cause you put out like a cheap whore.” Misty snapped, throwing one more jab at you as you turned to walk away.

Your steps faltered as you snapped your head around to face Misty. You were getting really tired of people who don’t know or care about you calling you a whore. “Wanna say that again?”

“I said. You’re. A. Cheap. Whore.”

Eddie could see you were about to fly over the counter at her so he grabbed you around the waist pulling you back to him. Your back slamming against his chest. “Okay, calm down, feisty pants.”

Looking at Misty he glared at her for a moment before he was distracted by you. You were fighting Eddie's hold on you not caring that your nails were digging into his arm as you tried to get at her but he wasn't having it. Leaning down so only you could hear he muttered in your ear. “Take it easy, she's not worth it.”

“Eddie. Let me go!” You said as you tried to lunge for her, making her take a step back in shock she hadn't expected that. She had expected you to sulk like a child not try to fight her. The other patrons of the busy bar turned to see what the commotion was about. “I'm not going to hurt her, I'm just going to rip her hair out!”

“No you won’t.” Eddie said sternly as you struggled in his arms.

“I’ll do it…” Lizzy said moving to get off the stool but Jeff pulled her back with a hand on the back of her neck. That shut her up quickly but she was still seething.

“Let me go Eddie!”

“Nope.” Eddie announced and lifted you off the ground easily, carrying you out from behind the bar and over to the stairs. As he placed you back down on your feet he blocked you from getting back down the steps. His dom voice in full effect as he pointed at the ground “Stay here.”

You tried to push past him but he wasn’t going to budge. Sometimes you forget how stupid strong your boyfriend is. You wouldn’t know it by looking at him but he wasn’t a pushover. With both hands on the railings as he took a step up so he could now tower over you. “Enough Y/N. Get upstairs. Now.”

Glaring at him you stomped your foot like the child Misty said you were. You hissed out his name before he gave you a stern look making you huff in anger before stomping up the stairs muttering the entire time.

He watched you go before turning around to look at Misty. The anger he felt in his chest for her was overpowering. He had never regretted sleeping with someone more than in this moment. She had put some weird claim on him and that was ending right now. He was never comfortable with the attention that Misty had lavished him with but he dealt with the photos and her slipping him her number, not wanting to look like some asshole rockstar but tonight he wasn’t having it. Enough was enough. You had finally felt okay enough to come back out and she had to open her big mouth. Dom voice still out to play he moved back to the counter glaring at her. “You need to leave.”

“She tried to attack me!”

“You provoked her.” Eddie said, trying to stay calm. “Everyone saw it.”

“But Eddie..” She muttered as she looked around.

“No.” He said with a shake of his head. “I’m not interested in your excuses, Misty. Whether you like it or not, I have a girlfriend. So I won’t be having dinner or drinks with you tonight or ever. It’s time to let that idea go. You’re no longer welcomed here. Get out."

“You made a mistake picking her. You'll see.” Misty seethed for a moment before she flipped her hair over her shoulder and grabbed her purse muttering about not wanting to be in this shit bar anyway under her breath.

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” Eddie yelled back at her. Watching her leave he sighed as he looked at his friends. “Make sure she doesn’t come back, yeah? I need to check on Y/N.”

“No problem..” Robin said with a nod. She was happy to see her go but watching that scene had ramped up her anxiety a little. She would not have pegged you for the fighting type.

“I'll make sure of it,” Steve said with a nod and a serious look on his face. It had been a long time since he's seen you like that and he hated every single second of it. Moving around the counter he followed Misty’s path and stood at the door watching as she got in her car and drove away.

Nodding his thanks, Eddie walked through the crowd and up the steps to the top landing, moving around the walkway until he was at his door. He took a moment to calm himself a bit more before he opened the door. He needed to go in with a level head. Twisting the knob he pushed the door open slowly, he could hear you muttering to yourself and he had to duck the moment he walked through the door as a pillow sailed through the air towards his head hitting the wall next to him. Closing the door behind him, he grabbed it from the floor and tossed it back on the couch. “Easy babe."

“I'm… ugh!” You cried as you paced around the living room. “You should have let me hit her!”

“That wouldn’t have made the situation better.”

“It would have made me feel better!”

“Calm down sweetheart.” Eddie said, holding his hands up. “She’s gone anyway.”

“Tell me to calm down one more time.” You threaten glaring at him as he walks farther into the room. Huffing you watched him cross his arms again, his eyebrows disappearing under his bangs.

“If you don't lose the tone I’m going to beat it out of you. Take a breath.” Stepping into your path he grabbed your shoulders rubbing his thumbs over your spaghetti strap covered shoulders. “Don't let her get to you like this. She’s not worth any of this.”

“Did you hear what she said? She called me a whore. I'm so sick of being called a whore for no reason. First my dad and then that bitch! She was acting like we didn’t belong together. Just cause I don’t dress or act like her… like she’s so fucking special.” If the situation wasn’t so hostile Eddie would have said that angry look on your face was hot. But now was not the time and you were still ranting. Once you got started it was hard to stop. “You make me happy… and I make you happy right? So she has no place to talk about our relationship…”

“Yes baby you make me very happy and you're right she doesn't. But right now I'm very disappointed in how you handled that situation.” He said as he cupped your jaw in his big palms.

“What? Why?” You asked, your eyes wide with shock. It's not like you actually hit her.

“Let's count. You handcuffed me to a fridge, almost started a fight in my bar, was a complete brat on the stairs, and then you threw something at me. If we count all those offenses up you owe me… five per offense… so twenty hits.”

You whined at him with a pout wanting to protest. It wasn't your fault! “She started it, that's not fair Eddie!”

“Nope, nuh uh, not getting out of this. I understand you didn’t start it and that you were upset but you almost jumped someone. I've never seen you act like that, and as incredibly hot as that was, that’s not how good girls act is it? So..” He kissed your forehead before he grabbed your hand and pulled you to the couch making you face away from him. “Get undressed.”

“But Ed-Sir I-”

“No more buts. Strip and wait for me.” He said as he gave your ass a slap. “That doesn’t count as one.”

“Yes, Sir.” You mumbled as you started to pull your dress off your form. You listened as he moved around the room, the sound of a drawer opening caught your attention as you tossed your dress on the usual spot, the one chair he had in his living room, your panties soon joining it after you toed off your shoes and socks. You heard him walk back towards you, felt the heat of him against your back but he never touched you, not yet. You wanted so badly to look over your shoulder at him but you also wanted to hear him call you a good girl again so you had to listen.

Eddie moved around you, setting down the items he had in his hand before he took a seat on the center cushion of the couch holding his hand out to you. “Come on baby. No more waiting.”

Sighing, you took his hand and let him pull you over his lap adjusting you to his preference, your ass on his lap and your chest on the cushion next to him. Then he started your punishment, by kneading the fat of your ass. You gasped and wiggled when he gave a couple of quick slaps to your sit spots.

“Sit still.” He commanded as he continued his slaps breaking them up with more kneading.

“Sorry Sir.” You whispered as you counted the slaps in your head when he went past twenty you glanced back at him.

“This is just a warm up baby.” He said giving you one more powerful smack before kneading the spot. Once he was sure you were ready, the blood flowing to your bottom heating your skin, he grabbed the wooden paddle and showed it to you. “Twenty hits. Count them out for me, you can cry if you gotta. What’s your safeword?”

“Red, Sir.”

“Good. Deep breath.” He waited until you took your breath before he started, the sound of the paddle making a loud crack against your skin had you gasping and your eyes closed at the pain. He was starting out easy.

“One.”

Smack.

“Two.”

Smack.

“Three.” You clenched your fists on the cushion. The hits were getting steadily harder as he hit you in quick succession. “Four, five, six.”

“Why are you being punished, baby?” He asked as he smacked you again.

“S-seven. I almost started a fight..” You muttered your eyes starting to tear up. This hurt so damn bad. “A-and I was a brat and threw a pillow at you.”

“And?” Another two smacks on your sit stops.

“Eight! Nine! I handcuffed you to the fridge!” You cried as you tried to not focus on the pain when he smacked you again. Shame welled up in your chest making you feel terrible. “Ten!”

He took a break then, rubbing the small of your back as you tried to control your breathing tears falling down your cheeks. “Doing so good, baby. Ten more. You can do it.”

The last ten hurt so badly that you shoved your face in the cushion to hide your sobs as he hit harder and harder and you counted higher and higher. At one point you swung your arm back to try and stop him but he just grabbed your wrist and held it tightly at the small of your back. “Don’t do that. I could hurt you. A bruised ass is nothing compared to broken fingers.”

“I’m sorry, Sir!”

The very last one was the worst, making you cry out into the room. “Twenty!”

“That’s it. All done. You did so good sweetheart. So good for me aren’t you, baby?” He said as he dropped the paddle on the cushion next to him out of your line of sight and pulled you up carefully to sit in his lap. Your flaming cheeks hitting his jeans made you hiss out in discomfort as he cuddled you. “Deep breaths. Good girl. My sweet girl.”

“I’m sorry,” You mumbled into his shoulder as you leaned into him. “I’m sorry, Sir.”

“It’s okay baby. Water under the bridge right?”

“Y-yes Sir,” You nodded sniffling. That feeling of shame was still sitting heavy in your chest, this punishment didn’t make you feel better at all. How could you have been so thoughtless? Trying to fight that girl, you were just as ugly as she was. Nana would be disappointed in you. She taught you better than this. Whore.

He leaned back on the couch letting you get comfortable on his lap as he ran his hand up and down your arm, whispering sweet things to you as you settled down. “You okay? What's your color?”

You didn’t feel okay but you nodded anyway. Placing a kiss on the side of his neck you looked up at him as he maneuvered you to straddle his thighs with his hands on your hips. Sniffing you wiped under your eyes. “Green, Sir.”

“You sure?” He asked as he watched you. He searched your eyes trying to see if he needed to call it.

“I'm okay," You nodded. You felt heavy in a bad way but you continued to nod anyway. “I'm okay.”

“If you're sure, beautiful.” He mumbled as he looked into your red and mascara smudged eyes. “You gonna continue to be a good girl for me?”

“Yes, Sir.” You nodded.

“Took your punishment so well. I think you deserve a reward.” A mischievous little grin grew on his face as he manhandled you so you were standing between his legs with your back to him as he brought your hands behind you and placed a pair of leather cuffs around your wrists.

Usually this would have done something for you. Excitement would have burst through your veins but all you felt was a tightening on your chest and a sick feeling in your gut. You didn't want to do this. Your safeword was at the tip of your tongue but when he turned you around the smile he gave you made you swallow it. He looked so proud of you and happy to be doing something you usually both found fun and you had caused him so much trouble tonight. Could you really ruin his night even more? Giving him the best smile you could muster, you let him move you around so you were back on the couch, the fabric rubbing against your abused bottom as you laid down. You moved around until you found a comfortable position for your hands and watched down your body as Eddie picked up the vibrator from the same cushion the paddle sat on.

You heard it before you felt it and jumped a little as the head of the vibrator hit your clit. Closing your eyes you tried to focus on that, just focus on how the vibrator made you feel. It felt good but you still couldn't get into the right headspace. You were thinking too much. Whore. Shame still bubbling inside you. He said you didn't but you couldn't stop thinking about how you had embarrassed Eddie in his own home, in front of his friends and patrons and fans. Tears bit at your eyes making them sting. Whore. You felt his fingers start to prod at your entrance but you weren't wet enough. This wasn't what you wanted. The tears you were holding back finally pushed through and you were sinking into the shame that was drowning you as you gasped out your safeword. “Red... Eddie red. Red.”

His eyes snapped up to you as he stopped immediately, you felt him move his hand away from you and heard as he tossed the vibe on the table. His hands came back towards you grabbing your shoulders gently and pulled you to him to lean on his chest as he reached around you to get the cuffs off. Tossing them to the side he pulled you into his lap again his arms holding you tight as if he could hold you together while you cried into his shoulder. “Shhh it's okay baby. You're okay.”

“I'm sorry,” You repeated as you sobbed. “I'm sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry I didn't notice you weren't in the right headspace. I'm proud of you for using your safeword. Such a good girl.” He whispered into your hair as he rocked you, shushing you the whole time.

“I have to go. I need to leave.” You muttered as you tried to pull away, shaking your head. You needed to stop being a burden and hide away with your shame. You embarrassed him. You weren’t any better then Misty, and you brought shame to yourself and the memory of your grandmother. Was she watching you right now? Was her spirit mad at you for being so weak and letting Eddie do this to you? Did she think you were a whore too? Everyone else seemed to think you were.

“No baby, no.” Eddie said, shaking his head. Leaning back so he could get a good look at your face he cupped your jaw gently, his big brown eyes searching yours as you cried. It was finally happening. You were dropping. “No sweetheart, you're not going anywhere. I got you. I'm right here. I’ll take care of you.”

You shook your head but continued to let him hold you as he grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch. Pulling it over you to warm you, tucking it around your body, careful of your stinging ass. He simply held you for a long time. Knowing that after a scene you needed that closeness as he brought you back down but today the quiet did nothing to settle your racing thoughts but having him just holding you helped a little. You started to calm down and your tears were finally drying up. He moved, bundling you up more and laying you gently on the couch before he got up and went into the bathroom to get some lotion for your butt. You watched as he moved into the kitchen to get your aftercare snacks. He managed to juggle all the things in his hands as he came back over setting them down on the table.

Handing you your water bottle he stroked your head calmly as he watched you take small sips before you handed it back and he gave you some fruit snacks. Placing your bottle on the floor next to you for when you needed it. He also had your favorite chocolate sitting there in case you wanted some. Holding up the bottle of lotion, he smiled at your little nod and helped you turn around lifting the blanket up and off your bare ass so he could rub some on. You hissed a few times but made no real objection to his gentle massage. The lotion was cool and it felt nice as you wiped your nose on the blanket.

“I saw that,” He chuckled as he finished rubbing the lotion into your skin. Pulling the blanket back down he set the lotion back on the table and helped you turn back around moving your head so he could sit down and you could use his thigh as a pillow. His hand is now sitting softly on your chest while the other stroked your hair some more. “Feeling better?”

“Not really.” You mumbled.

“Wanna talk about what happened?” He asked as he played with a lock of your hair. “You can tell me anything, you know that right?”

“I know.” You hiccupped as you looked up at him. You thought for a moment and then you told him everything. All of your feelings, the shame you felt, how you were sure your Nana was angry with you, how you were starting to feel like everyone was right and maybe you are a whore.

“No.” Eddie shook his head. “None of that is true. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You're not a whore, and your grandmother isn't mad at you.”

“It's not the first time someone's called me a whore you know? There was this guy in college. We had been fooling around for a while and I brought this up and he rejected it. Told me that this kind of stuff was for whores and he couldn’t be with a whore. I told him to fuck off. I don't know why it bothered me so much this time.” You sniffed, biting your lip.

“First of all, if you ever see that guy, point him out. I’ll punch him in his stupid face. Second, you've had a hard few weeks, baby. A lot has happened that’s thrown you for a loop.” He said as he dragged his finger over your forehead and down your nose. “Not to mention we rushed into this today. It was your first night playing in a while and I had to give you a punishment and not one of the fun ones you like. I misjudged that. I'm sorry.”

“It's not your fault.” You said taking your hand out of the blanket to reach for his face. You smiled a little when you felt him kiss your palm and hold it to his cheek. “I know I was being a brat. Are you okay? I didn’t upset you did I?”

“No baby you didn’t.” Eddie said as he shook his head. He was now only disappointed in himself for not seeing the signs but all he could do was make a note of it and do better next time. No one was perfect, not even him. He smiled down at you. “I'm fine. I could use some cuddles though. Wanna get in your Pj's and watch TV while we cuddle?”

“Yes please.” You nodded as you went to sit up, Eddie helping you with a little push on your back to help you. He followed you up not long after, watching as you walked to the bathroom to wash your face. He took a detour to his dresser to grab your Pj's.

It's been about an hour since the start of your drop and you still weren't feeling like yourself. This is the first time you've ever dealt with it so you didn't even know how long it was supposed to last. Has Eddie ever dealt with this? Did it always feel like this? Sighing, you adjusted on the couch as you curled into Eddie as best you could. You both had been mindlessly watching some cartoons on the TV. You think it was Futurama, that's what Eddie said it was at least.

“You okay baby?” He asked as he played with the back of your sleep shirt. The one you always wore here, the Iron Maiden one. Eddie tilted his head at you, his hair being mushed by the pillow under it.

“Just thinking.” You said looking up at him. “You said you were a sub before you were a dom right?”

“Mhm.” He nodded.

“Have you… dropped… before?”

“Plenty of times.” He confirmed as he looked down at you, his hand still fiddling with your shirt. “I would hit a real low sometimes. I had a lot to work through at that time and the drops only made it worse. It felt really lonely.”

“This doesn't feel like loneliness…” You give him a sad look. “How long does this usually last?”

“It’s different for everyone. It could be a few hours or a few days. All we can do is make sure you're feeling comfortable and safe. I'll be right here with you for as long as you need. I'm not letting you go through this alone.”

You nodded looking back at the TV. You needed something else to distract you, the cartoon wasn't cutting it. “Tell me about your time as a sub? How did you get into all this?”

Eddie stared at you for a bit, like he was thinking of a way out of this conversation and for a moment you thought he was going to avoid it all together but instead he sighed and closed his eyes. “It's not a fun story and I'm not proud of it. I made mistakes when I was younger and I paid for them but I need you to understand that I'm not that kid anymore. I've grown up a lot. Can you listen with an open mind?”

You nodded your head. What could he possibly tell you that would make you think any differently? “I will. I promise.”

“Okay.” He said as he took a breath trying to figure out how to start his sad tale. “Remember how that night on the porch when we talked about our parents, I told you I lived with Wayne until I was about twenty?”

“Yeah.” You nodded blinking up at him.

“When I was twenty I was still living with Wayne in that one bedroom trailer, I was in my third year as a high school senior, and no matter how much I tried I couldn’t find a job in that town to save my life. Everyone thought that I was no good. The town freak. Because I didn’t dress like the others, or listen to their shitty music, and I played D&D. I was the devil sent to corrupt their children and since I was doing so poorly in school I was seen as unreliable for the workforce so no one would hire me. Wayne was working long hours at the plant to keep us above water but money was tight so I did the only thing I could. I met up with the local dealer, Reefer Rick, and I started dealing for him. I was good at it. Jocks, cheerleaders, burnouts, nerds, desperate housewives, stuffy business men; you name them I gave them drugs. Weed mostly, a few pills here and there, but I never sold the hard stuff and I tried not to sell to minors.” Eddie always tried to be smart about who he sold to. He closed his eyes as if he could look back in time and see where it all went wrong. “There was this one girl that year, Chrissy, she was the Queen of Hawkins High. Popular, a cheerleader, always smiling but no one knew how terrible her home life was. She was stressed, had trouble sleeping, and just needed help. She asked to meet up after school for a deal and I tried to sell her weed but she needed something stronger, so I sold her Special K. Ketamine.”

You blinked at him completely enraptured by his story. He looked so sad. You had never seen him like this before, so you did your best to wrap your arms around him as he took a moment. Saying her name after all these years made his chest tighten and he took in a little stuttered breath, his hand stopped moving as he clenched your shirt in his fist.

“What I didn’t know was that she had been stockpiling the pills. Her mother was hard on her, she always had to be perfect, and one day she just couldn’t do it anymore. She OD’d on the drugs I had sold her. If I had known this was her plan I would have never sold them to her. Her friends knew she was buying from me so when that happened they told the cops where she got them, they came and searched the trailer. Found my stash and I was arrested for possession and the selling of illegal substances. They tried to get me for her death but since I just sold the pills and didn’t force her to take them they couldn’t. I also got a lighter sentence because I ended up cutting a deal and giving them the name of my supplier. In the end I was sentenced to five years in prison.”

“Oh, baby.” You muttered as you hugged him. “Five years?”

“I only served three out of the five I was sentenced to. Got out early for good behavior with one year of probation.” He looked down at you now, that sadness was still pinching at his features. “Does that change how you see me? Knowing I was in jail on drug charges? Slightly responsible for the death of the one person in that fucking school who was ever nice to me?”

“It wasn’t your fault.” You said, shaking your head. “None of this changes how I feel about you.”

“Good.” He sighed in relief as he moved his hand to cup the back of your head. “I don’t want you to be scared of me or anything because of this.”

“I'm not scared of you.” You whispered, pressing your face into his chest. "Never could be."

“I’m glad.” He smiled at you a little. He took a moment to let you take in all the information before he continued with his story. “I got out just after my twenty-third birthday and I was… angry. Really angry. No one tells you about the shit you have to deal with when you’re on the inside of a prison and how it would make you feel once you’re out. I was so scared that Wayne was going to hate me, that all he was going to think was that I was just like my old man. But he didn't. He would visit every week and when I got out he welcomed me back home. I crashed on his couch until I was able to get a job as a mechanic with the help of my probation officer and saved up enough to get a shitty apartment in town. I was careful for that first year I was out, never did anything that would make it so I had to go back. But when that year was up… I spiraled. Hard. I’m talking about drinking, drugs, anything to make me forget and it was bad. I barely remember this but I was at a bar in Indianapolis one night and I was plastered apparently but I got into it with this biker guy, he almost murdered me, but some guy in a business suit stepped in and saved my ass. That guy was Daniel Christianson.”

“I’ve heard of him.” You spoke up then. “Seen his billboards on the highways and around town when I go into the city.”

“Big time lawyer man.” Eddie laughed a bit then. “Well mister big shot, don’t tell him I said that, took me to his place to sleep it off, said he didn’t trust me to make good decisions so he revoked my driving privileges. Stole my keys right out of my pocket. The next morning when I was more or less myself I wanted to leave but he didn’t let me, not until we talked about what happened that night. I was about ready to fight him but he put me on my ass. He saw that I was lost, and angry, and that I just didn’t care about what happened to me. He had been in this community for a while but hadn’t had a submissive for a few years. He brought it up carefully saying he could help me and gave me his number and time to think about it after he dropped me off at the bar so I could go home. I sat on it for a few days, BDSM was something I hadn’t really thought of before. I mean, I’m a guy, so yeah I’ve seen the porn, had a ridiculous amount of dirty mags that kinda leaned towards it, so I thought what the hell. I’ll give it a try and if I don’t like it I can leave. So I called him, we set up a meeting, and he became my Master. I stayed with him as his sub for about three or four years. He helped me get my head on straight and taught me a lot, he helped me let go and forgive Chrissy and myself. When I decided I wanted to try being a Dom he took over my training, everything I know is because of him. He was with me when Corroded Coffin got back together, when we got our first record deal, when we bought the bar, and everything else after that. He’s actually my lawyer.” He sighed as he played with a lock of your hair. “And that's the whole story.”

“Damn,” You muttered as you blinked. All of your issues seem so frivolous now. “You had a rough couple of years. I’m surprised none of this has gotten out before.”

“Dan looks through all our contracts and interview questions so no one can ask questions we don’t feel comfortable answering,” Eddie said, his fingers tugging at your hair. “It wouldn’t look good for the record company if my history got out so no one knows anything we don’t want them to. I told you because I trust you.”

“I won't tell a soul.” You promised as you held up your pinky. A little giggle left you as he hooked his pinky with yours and pulled it to his lips dropping a kiss to your knuckles with a little grin.

“Thank you sweetheart."

Tag List:

@eddiesprincess86 @haylaansmi @micheledawn1975

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie x reader #eddie munson fanfic #dom!eddie munson #sub!reader #rockstar!eddie #barowner!eddie #stranger things #stranger things 4 #stranger things fanfiction #st s4 #sugar cloud series #multi chapter

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cerealmonster15 · 7 months

Text

[background template source!]

hmm yknow what. maybe i was supposed to describe the unique magic in that bottom box. oh well teehee!!!!!

updated references for twst rsa ocs Char and Dañarte!!!!! for now. i'll add them to artfight soon!!! I was gonna do another one for Dañarte's Scarabia Era but I worked on these all week.... so i'll just do that one separately sometime maybe lol. anyway i've posted about these guys a lot as u can see from the tags i gave them on my blog, BUT my main origin post about their soap opera lore is really long and intimidating to read.... I have a shorter lore post here, but JFKSJLDJFKLDS.... finding these templates made nice, more condensed intros for them lol. and I [slightly] updated their looks so they aren't just carbon copies of what the seven dwarf characters are wearing!!!! but i'm bad at clothing design so i didn't really change them much!!!!

also i tried to be careful but my handwriting is Bad so i'll retype the info / talk more under the cut.

First guy: CHAR

Age: 18

Best Subject: Animal Languages

Birthday: March 19

Class: 3-C

Club: Fencing [does rsa have a fencing club. idk. they do now.]

Height: 175 cm

Hobby: Horseback Riding

Homeland: Shaftlands

Likes: Arts & Crafts, Shellfish

Dislikes: Keeping Secrets, Beets

Unique Magic: Unknown [I haven't decided one for him yet, and I may simply make him a late bloomer who hasn't discovered his yet lol]

Extra info:

Favorite Stones: Pink Opal & Chrysoberyl

Older Cousin to Dañarte

Long-lost childhood friend + new love interest to Cater

Source Character: Prince Charming from Cinderella

Second guy: Dañarte*

Age: 17

Best Subject: Ancient Magic

Birthday: February 13

Class: 2-C

Club: Equestrian Club

Height: 182 cm

Hobby: Writing Speeches

Homeland: Shaftlands

Likes: Planning, Grain bowls

Dislikes: Tenderhearted people, Undercooked meat

Unique Magic: Kiss of Frost: He kisses something or someone and temporarily freezes them ICY STYLE!!!!! or something like that. idk it doesn't kill people[???? maybe it could. idk.] but it don't feel good. Perhaps the area of frost can vary as well, like a small smooch spot vs spreading through the whole body? We gotta workshop it a bit more I'll get back to u on that someday. maybe.

Extra info:

Favorite Stone: Apatite

Char's younger cousin

"Love interest" to Cater + later on, Jamil...

Source Character: Hans from Frozen

RSA -> NRC -> Scarabia [He gets expelled and/or leaves RSA for whatever reason, I still haven't come up w/that part LOL... and ends up at NRC post breakup with Cater and gets sorted into Scarabia.]

* Disclaimer bc I feel the need to point out whenever I bring him up about his name lol- Dañarte isn't truly a name, it's just a spanish verb that's like "to hurt you". his character literally spawned from a convo I was having with a friend when I was trying to think of a name for Char, and something I said got autocorrected to Dañarte, and we made jokes about an evil princely character... so he became his own thing and I just kept that as his name lol.

anyway. i like talking about them but i also get shy and embarrassed about it klfjslfjks. also i probs did not draw them to scale bc life is hard. so are colors. i went very basic bc im scared but im trying to remember how colors work again in our year 2024 or whatever. WAHOO FUNNY LITTLE GUYS!!!!

shoutout to op of this template [@unfinished-projects-galore] making me sit here and consider the lives of these boys a lil more w/that bio layout. i was tempted to put summoning as Char's best class but WHAT do they summon. tell me idia what does that MEAN - jk it's probably like how juice bb summons cauldrons lol. I also considered Potionology for Dañarte but I think he'd like stuff like history and all that jazz and older [perhaps FORBIDDEN] ways of doing things.

#twisted wonderland #twst oc #ocs #twst #cereal tries to draw #oc: char #oc: Dañarte #ummm did i have a caterella tag. idr. but they technically spawned from my caterella multiverse so #caterella #was that all the catalogue tagging. i think so. ok im going to go play persona now byebye.#but also. twst oc havers. our kids should hang out 👀#well maybe char should. Dañarte's a bitch. but i'll make him go on play dates LOL JFDSKLFJKSDLJFLJ ok jkjk. or am i. jsklfjdskljls #ok actually im gonna slap these new refs on artfight and THEN go play persona #unless im at the pic limit then ill deal w/it later #ONLY A FEW MORE MONTHS TIL ARTFIGHT HANG OUT W/ME ON ARTFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT PLEEEAAAAAAAAAAASE #ok. bye. 🚶

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rottingwaysofmisery · 1 year

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Non-Goth Music that Goths might enjoy

Along with what the title says, I will be elaborating on each. It’s mostly going to be metal because that’s my current interest but there will be non-metal recommendations, such as industrial rock or electronic music.

Epicus Doomicus Metallus - Candlemass

Not my personal favorite Candlemass album, that would be Nightfall, but it’s what I think would be most interesting to a Goth looking into other genres. To elaborate on why I think that, it’s the use of the vocals, subject matter, guitarwork, and keyboards. The vocals do an incredible job at communicating both storytelling and extreme emotions like anguish. The subject matter covers things like witchcraft, sorcerers, and wanting to die alone. The guitarwork and tone doesn’t sound anything like post-punk but it’s the way it complements the feelings of doom and anguish that might make it interesting to someone looking into other kinds of dark music.

TL;DR They’re slow, heavy, and dramatic.

I would like to highlight “Solitude” as my best recommendation to a Goth Rock fan, and “Under the Oak” as my personal favorite track.

Ministry

Not recommending any specific album, but specific songs from them. Hell, you might even consider some of Ministry’s work borderline Goth, but the overall genre is Industrial Rock/Metal, at least since they stopped making synthpop.

The tracks I’m recommending are as follows: “Every Day is Halloween” (single), “Golden Dawn” (from their album Land of Rape and Honey, which despite the name is actually referring to a plant and not the reprehensible act), “Cannibal Song” and “Dream Song” (both from The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Taste).

The first song is already kind of a goth music staple but I thought to include it anyways because I love that song.

DAF (Deutsch Amerikanische Freundschaft)

This one might be a little hard to justify just because of how all over the place they are, but personally I think they really have that post-punk attitude when it comes to their music. They’re basically this really experimental electronic band, hell their early stuff even has noise rock elements. If you’re into the more industrial experimental stuff and don’t need conciseness or melody then this might be an interesting band to look at.

I would like to highlight the tracks “Kebab Träume”, “Ein Bisschen Krieg”, and “Muskel”

King Diamond

I’m going to be blunt, you’re not gonna like this one if you don’t like traditional heavy metal. Along with that, you might not like King Diamond’s vocals. Yes, the band is named after the singer. Anyways, if you like Gothic Rock for the “spooky” Halloween-esque aesthetic, you might just fall in love with King Diamond. He’s an acquired taste for most, due to the unusual falsetto he displays all across his career.

Personally, I fucking love King Diamond. I think instead of recommending any specific song I’d rather recommend whole albums due to the storytelling aspect that King Diamond weaves into most of his discography. To paint you a picture, most of King Diamond’s discography is concept albums that tell horror stories, cleverly using vocals to switch characters, and using keyboards to really give that cheesy but lovable Halloween Horror feel, along with some of the coolest guitarwork in metal, done by the likes of heavy metal legend Andy LaRocque.

Onto highlights, I would like to highlight Fatal Portrait, notably one of the few albums not to be a fully concept album, particularly the tracks “The Candle” and “Haunted”, and Them, a concept album with my personal favorite story, and Conspiracy, the sequel to Them story-wise, which is my personal favorite album.

Celtic Frost

This one might be an odd recommendation if you’re only familiar with their popular stuff, but I’d like to highlight a few tracks that may be of interest.

“Mesmerized” (from their album Into the Pandemonium)

Recommending this one mainly because the vocals are very reminiscent of Rozz Williams from Christian Death, at least in my opinion.

“Os Abysmi Vel Daath” (from their album Monotheist)

This is kind of a risky recommendation, since this song and the album in general is just experimental extreme metal. It’s mainly the vocal performance here makes me want to recommend it, though it might be a bit of a stretch. I love this song but I know it might not be for everyone, though if it gives at least one person a new song to listen to then I’ll be happy.

Zoon - The Nefilim

Industrial Extreme Metal, by the same people behind Fields of the Nephilim. This one is a bit of an oddball in the discography of the people who made it, but personally it’s the only album I like by them anyways. Unfortunately, this was the only album they did in this style and under this name. They do, however, still occasionally perform songs from this album as Fields of the Nephilim. My personal favorite track being “Shine”, which is honestly a bit of a power ballad.

The Downward Spiral - Nine Inch Nails

C’mon. You knew this one was coming. It’s an industrial rock album, and if you haven’t listen to them already you’re most likely going to LOVE “Closer”.

Sacrificed - Edge of Sanity (from The Spectral Sorrows)

It’s a straight up Sisters of Mercy-esque Goth Rock track that’s towards the end of a Death Metal album. The vocalist would go on to start a Goth Rock band, Nightingale.

I’m Going Slightly Mad - Queen (from Innuendo)

You may be confused. That Queen? Yes, same one that made “We Will Rock You” and “Bohemian Rhapsody”. This song is called Gothic Rock on wikipedia, but I’m including it anyways because Queen is not a Goth band.

Surprise - The Garden (Single)

This one might confuse you if you’re familiar with this band. From the instrumentation, to the vocals, to the subject matter, it just screamed to me “put me next to Goth music”. Listen to it for yourself and tell me if you get it. For some strange reason it was taken off streaming platforms unfortunately.

Deinonychus

This one is a black metal band with doom metal influences. Another riskier recommendation, what gives me the impression that a Goth might love this is a mix of the use of keyboards, the anguished harsh vocals, and the deep clean vocals. The best example I want to give is “The Weeping of a Thousand Years”, it’s like a bearded vampire speaks the clean vocals and someone tortured in the dungeon of a castle screams the harsh vocals.

Call from the Grave - Bathory (from Under the Sign of the Black Mark)

Another Black Metal band, this one even harder to justify. Bear with me, listen to the song and pretend that a zombie is the one singing. The song starts with this spooky ambience and then goes into this evil groove and later on has a solo that sounds like a funeral dirge, it’s awesome. I have no idea if anyone’s going to get why I’m putting this here along with the others, but if someone does that’ll be awesome.

Give Me Your Soul - Countess (from The Book of the Heretic)

Another Black Metal one, yes, but hear me out. This song is literally goofy spooky Halloween music, and it’s literally from the perspective of a demon who kidnapped someone. I fucking love this song, I just think if you kept an open mind you might love it as much as I do.

Floods - Pantera (from The Great Southern Trendkill)

Okay okay, hear me out again. This is literally borderline Southern Gothic, at least thematically, and topic aside it’s one of the best power ballads out of all of metal with one of the coolest solos literally ever.

Buried Alive - Venom (from Black Metal)

This song is hard to describe, it’s not quite a power ballad, but it’s definitely some sort of ballad. It’s catchy, it’s got a dramatic build up and it’s got groove (it has one of my personal favorite solos ever). Tell me what you think!

Black Sabbath

I find it a little funny that Black Sabbath had a literal “Living in a Box” moment by naming their first song on their first album after themselves. Anyways, this song, “Black Sabbath”, is dramatic and evil. It’s basically the first heavy metal song, and yet it has more doom in it than a lot of modern doom metal bands. Side note, Type O Negative has a fantastic rendition of this song, I could not more HIGHLY recommend giving it a listen.

I also recommend “After All (The Dead)” off of their album Dehumanizer. It’s got the doom and gloom but with that heavy metal oomph to it, so I hope you appreciate this song as much as I do.

Black Mummy - Death SS (from In Death of Steve Sylvester)

I must clarify again, the “SS” part of the name has nothing to do with the Nazis and is short for the singer Steve Sylvester. Anyways, this song has a more traditional heavy metal sound but in a bit of a spooky horror approach. You might ask if it’s anything like King Diamond, I can assure you it’s not.

Scream of the Butterfly - Acid Bath (from When the Kite String Pops)

This one is a bit of a ballad in an otherwise Sludge/Doom Metal album. Unrelated, but if you’re into metal with interesting textures I would definitely recommend this album.

Ghosts - Japan (from Tin Drum)

It feels like cheating to put a New Wave artist on here, but they’re still technically not Goth so I’m putting them anyways.

Filth - Swans

Noise Rock, it’s extreme music that isn’t metal. I’m including this one for a similar reason with DAF, because despite its genre it definitely has a bit of a post-punk attitude to things.

L’Eau Rouge/Red Water - The Young Gods

Industrial Rock with Dark Cabaret elements, oh my god this album is my baby I fucking love it so much. The fact more people don’t know about it feels like a crime.

Gloomy Sunday - Billie Holiday

This is technically not her original song but I enjoy her version a lot. Thematically it’s very dark, so if you are into darker music I would definitely recommend this.

The Devil is an Englishman - Thomas Dolby (Single)

Again it feels like cheating to include a New Wave artist but there’s no way in hell anyone considers Thomas Dolby “Goth”. Though I will say this song was composed for a movie called “Gothic”. Regardless, I would definitely recommend this, it’s dark synthpop.

Auburn and Ivory - Beach House (from Beach House)

Feels like cheating to include dreampop, but why not. I have this song on a playlist with music that makes me feel like a French mime, if that helps give you an idea of the kind of song it is.

Kate Bush

That’s all.

Anna - K.U.K.L. (from The Eye)

This is from one of the bands Björk was in before. Very experimental rock, I would personally recommend the music video version that’s up on youtube instead of the Spotify version.

Einzelhaft - Falco

This album is mostly known for “Der Kommissar”, but I find that there’s other good songs on this album, particularly “Ganz Wien” and “Auf der Flucht”.

An Angel of Great and Terrible Light - Uboa (from The Origin of My Depression)

I’m gonna warn you, this song along with the album this is from may be a very emotionally heavy album for some. However, I’m built different. Anyways I fucking love this particular song from the album.

End of Recommendations

That’s all I have for now, if anyone has any suggestions I’d love to hear them! I hope this helps someone find new music to love!

#goth #gothic rock #goth music #goth music recommendations #gothic metal #industrial rock #falco #thomas dolby #new wave #noise rock #heavy metal #doom metal #king diamond

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