being objectum and in a relationship is so funny, like yea I love my girlfriend but also,,,, handsome computer boi <3333
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no of fence to jon snow fans who for some reason care about his exact age, but these discussions just annoy me no end. not only bc there's no way any weirwood flashbacks bran has to rhaegar/lyanna will come with time/datestamps, but also bc there's always comments like this:
SEVERAL turns of the moon (ie, months)?! have these people never seen a human baby before or just have no concept of their ages? even if we take into account travel time from the toj to wf, meaning jon was not a newborn too fresh out the oven when catelyn and robb arrived, there's still a difference between a newborn and a 3mo and an even bigger difference between those infants and an older baby 5-7mo. there's very good reasons these lines were cut. whatever birthdates can be worked out internally for jon and robb from when they're first mentioned as 15 and 16 don't matter in the end, bc grrm doesn't care about a consistent timeline and the actual text of catelyn's pov and ned's convo with robert about cheating on her should outweigh any guesstimates about jon's official nameday wrt robb's. catelyn may not have cared for jon, but she would sure as hell have noticed his nameday if it came before robb's and made him ned's firstborn. if jon's birthday canonically came before robb's then either ned's cover story would not involve adultery (not impossible for him to sire a bastard before his wedding), or he'd just give jon a new nameday along with his new name to fit the adultery lie. it makes no sense for him to lie about one and not the other, undermining the big lie with a little public clue of his story not adding up. whatever else she was as a stepmother, cat wasn't stupid and a bastard who was actually the eldest son being raised alongside her trueborn heir could be an even bigger insult than whether he was born of adultery or not.
BUT, the unknowability of jon's true birthday is not the only reason this annoys me, it's bc this is all based on the assumption that jon must be older since rhaegar/lyanna ran off together before ned married cat, as if both boys must have been conceived asap as robb canonically was when his parents consummated their marriage. and that's not how human reproduction works! even if you don't understand how fast babies grow in the first year, you should know that people who get pregnant do so through ovulation cycles and a lucky sperm finding an egg and all that, not just immediately getting knocked up as soon as one has p-in-v sex for the first time. not unless you only know mean girls sex ed where if you have sex you will get pregnant and die. (even tho lyanna did die, there's plenty of canon examples where pregnancy did not lead straight to death. also examples of people who did not get pregnant right away and even some who are/were sexually active and childless without always having moon tea on hand.) we can't know how long lyanna was having sex before that sperm+egg match happened or even how long she was with rhaegar before losing her technical virginity. if they were married, doesn't it make sense to think they didn't consummate their relationship until the wedding night either? that's the only leverage there is to ensure a status as wife rather than just mistress.
and while i just said grrm doesn't care about exact timelines and a lot is still foggy surrounding the rebellion and esp rhaegar, there is one timemarker wrt robert's rebellion he voluntarily threw in, time and time again: that stannis was besieged at storm's end for almost a whole year. that siege, which mind you, did not match the duration of the entire war. it only started after robert won his battles at gulltown and summerhall, returned to storm's end, and then went out and lost the battle of ashford, leaving his homeland open to the reachermen. the same siege which only ended when ned made a detour there after the sack of king's landing, before going to the toj. even if lyanna may not have given birth that exact day ned found her, she could only be waiting in that bloody bed for weeks at the most, not months. so if rhaegar knocked her up the very same night he carried her off and jon was still a newborn when ned found her after the siege of storm's end had ended, wouldn't that mean lyanna was pregnant for well over a year? that's not how human pregnancy works either! so, maybe that's proof that jon and robb, whichever order they were actually born in, were actually very close in age as babies, much closer than if they were both conceived asap.
and really, jon's actual birthdate does not matter imho, when he was raised not just as the bastard to robb's trueborn heir, but with robb also known by catelyn and the world as ned's firstborn (which he was, in any case, as jon was ned's nephew by birth). what difference could a birthdate before robb's make (even were there some means of discovery) after ned, cat, and robb are all dead? if one is looking only at his birth parents then he's only a firstborn child on lyanna's side, but definitely a second son on rhaegar's side. maybe he was always meant to be a second son with a not much older half-brother! even if the aegon fka young griff is not in fact rhaegar's son, he'll still be known as aegon vi targaryen, meaning jon will never be known as any father's elder son. if i may reference mean girls again, it's not going to happen.
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This morning at like 4 am I said I'd post about Hyapollo when I woke up and I'm awake now so:
Here is a list of very specific headcanons about how Hyacinthus and Apollo's first meeting goes (this is, in fact, specific to the retelling that is living rent-free in my mind)
Apollo goes to Amyclae because he's looking for Clio. She's been missing for quite some time and the other Muses have done a wonderful job covering for her (read: hiding the reason she's MIA so Apollo doesn't get into a tiff with Aphrodite when he's already very stressed) but Apollo's gotten suspicious and none of his girls will give him a straight answer so fine, he'll find her himself.
Slips into mortal guise as a huntsman named Agreus (He's very stressed okay, don't critique his naming sense) and makes an exchange with Hermes for some information so he at least has a lead on where to start looking.
Hears from Hermes that she may or may not be in Lapith which is great, actually, Apollo hasn't checked in on how those particular descendants have been doing in quite some time so really, it's all working out.
Decides to make something of a trip out of it - he hasn't assumed mortal guise in a long time and it'll be longer still before he gets to wear it again. Goes to Amyclae so he can take the ship from there to Lapith, gets stopped by some men returning from a hunt of their own.
"Foreigner, what business do you have in our fair city?" "Merely passing through, to Lapith." "To Lapith? Where is your pass?" "My what?"
Gets arrested :(
His case gets processed fairly quickly actually - he only spends a few hours in merchant jail before he's taken to plea his case with one of the princes of Amyclae
The prince is actually one of the hunters that had him arrested. Lovely. His hair keeps catching Apollo's eyes though, thick and bright red. Almost familiarly so...
"Pardon me - " "No" "- but I can't help but notice your hair milord. Is the current queen Thracian?" "You claim to want passage to Lapith but know nothing of its affairs? The current queen is the lady of Lapith, Diomede."
Apollo hasn't been keeping much of an eye on Lapith, but as far as he knows, there hasn't been a prominent Diomede since the days of Lapithes. And she was his daughter.
It kind of clicks then - Aphrodite punishing Clio with the same fate she scolded her for, to fall in love with a mortal and experience the pain she felt for Adonis. Diomede is the kind of clever, obscure name Clio would pick, which makes this very grumpy prince in front of him both her son and a part of that punishment. Wonderful.
(The prince's name is apparently Hyacinthus. Apollo manages to convince him to let him free since he's clearly not been to Lapith in quite some time and has not kept up to date with its legislation. He pays his fine and is out of the holding cells by nightfall.)
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