#it’s one of the better drafts i had lol

[starvingnarcissistmusic]

I've had this drafted forever and I'm not entirely sure why I didn't post it. Oh well, better late than never!

MAL DU PAYS (the song) fun facts:

(Like the original post, spoilers for Act 5 ((and also 2hats)))

- Originally, after finishing the game, I wanted to write a song about Loop. They're one of my favorite parts of the game and I really loved their character, but I ended up scrapping that idea very early on, as I couldn’t really find a personal tie to anchor the song to me. While I did want to write a song about the game, I didn’t want to write something that didn’t resonate with me and my musical “mythos” in some way. It's a fan song, but it's also a Starving Narcissist song, and I felt it was important to strike that balance. MAL DU PAYS (Monophobia) only got released because I felt that it was something that fit into the larger body of my works even without the context of the game. So in the end, I chose to write about Siffrin, as I found them a lot more personally relatable. The final version, lyrically, is almost like I’m using Siffrin as a vehicle to write about my own feelings. Some lyrics are his, some are mine, a few are both of us, it’s a weird sort of style I’ve never really written in before.

I do have some leftover lyrics from the scrapped Loop version, though!

“There’s a you you’ll never be, across the cosmic sea / Who has everything you wanted, now it’s everything you need; is it over yet?”

- I think originally the song had a lot more of an exhausted vibe, but with most of the stuff I write, the tempo usually gets faster the more I play it. At some point in the writing process the song channeled more of a manic energy than I had originally intended it to. Loud and shouty is kinda just my default lol.

(The first ever demo for the song, recorded September 15, 2024. Features some slightly altered lyrics!)

- The title was also subject to change! I think for a while I was going back and forth on just calling it Homesickness, mostly because I was a little nervous that my song’s name was technically a late game spoiler. Half the reason I wanted to even write the song was because I thought MAL DU PAYS would make a great song title though, so in the end I just sucked it up and went with my gut. The alternate title was also not set in stone, I think originally I was considering just calling it Mania or Paranoia, but I thought those would be a bit generic. Eventually, I settled on Monophobia, because I felt it was apt in describing the song as a whole. I write a lot about loneliness, and Siffrin is afraid of being alone, so it felt fitting to name the song after the fear of it. (And also, a bit more superficially, I thought Monophobia made a better song title.)

- The song is the only Starving Narcissist song on a nylon string guitar, and it's also the second song in a completely non-standard tuning (third if you count ITWYW?, but that's just a half step down from standard). MAL DU PAYS (Monophobia) in DADF#BD, with a capo on 1.

- THIS SONG HAD SO MANY REVISIONS. I don't think I've ever had this many versions to a song ever. It got so bad that I made a specific folder just to hold all the different variations I had for the song. They're not all too different from each other, and they're all built on the same take of the song, but I was playing around with mixing and structuring and vocal layering and its a whole mess. Honestly, the fact that it's a song about a timeloop makes it probably the funniest song this could have happened to.

- And that's about it! To end off this little fun fact post, here's a little something I wrote for Genius (where lyrics for this song and all my others are posted! plus annotations I write! <3) about the song. The response to MAL DU PAYS (Monophobia) has been pretty wild, and I'm glad it managed to resonate with people, even some who don't even know the game it's about.

That's all. While I guarantee this year will probably be slower for Starving Narcissist, rest assured that I am working on stuff, just very slowly. There's a very low chance I'll ever do something as flagrantly self indulgent as this song, but whatever I do end up doing, I hope you're around to see it.

In the meantime, stream the song on spotify! or buy it on bandcamp! or even just go watch the lyric video i made for it (please i spent like a week on this)!

Thanks for everything, see you later <333

Happy one year anniversary to In Stars And Time! tldr; i wrote a song about it. if you wanna skip all the gushing and just listen to it, click here. (spoilers for act 5) If not, behold this big rambly mess of a thing i wrote:

So funny story, I kind of wasn’t planning on releasing anything for the rest of the year. The album wore me out, and the only other idea I had sort of fell through, so I was content on just letting the album be the only thing of note I would make in 2024.

… and then, in September, I played a little RPG called In Stars And Time. beat the whole thing over the course of three days, then spent the next couple weeks ravenously consuming all the fan content I could get my hands on. my friends have been forced to stare at my siffrin pfp every day for two months straight at this point and frankly i think they are tired of me talking about it.

i love the art, i love the story, i love the music, i love the characters, i love the world. siffrin sort of immediately became one of my favorite protagonists like,, ever. and it definitely did not help that i am also a scrawny forgetful person who has to regularly fight off the part of my brain that convinces myself that All My Friends Secretly Hate Me.

I’ve never really been so called out by a character before. The spiraling, the deflection, and the agony of being a stranger to yourself. the yearning for something you cant even name, because how could you? you cant even find the words on your tongue. not being able to tell anyone how you feel because its just easier to live with it, easier to let it eat you from the inside out then to bother anybody else. its easier to keep the mask on, stick to your lines, let the show go on.

all that hit just a bit too close to home. so i did what I usually do When Things Hit and wrote about it.

(like i said, spoilers for Act 5; It’s pretty devoid of context but they’re spoilers nonetheless)

MAL DU PAYS (Monophobia) is a song about cyclical burnout, self-estrangement, and homesickness. It’s half about Siffrin, half about me, but mostly it’s a rumination on loneliness and the hell that is the self.

Out now wherever you listen to music.

“How can you be homesick if nowhere is home?"

[kamospeach]

i make music that electrify 'em .ᐟ

plot: producer!zoro who helps his best artist make award winning music and helps her relieve stress

content warning: oral m! + f!recieving, plain ole missionary, breeding, very vanilla

peachy's yap: short drabble to clear out my drafts! i really didn't know what to do with this but i wanted to write something for zoro. i have a new and better idea for him lol. i hate how short this is tho.

music was your therapy if you couldn't make it you weren't sure what you'd do. but now you had to figure it out. your label was bitching about your last album saying that you were creating too fast.

they offered you take a break or just spend some time outside of the studio. but that's not what you wanted, you need your stress reliever. zoro understood well at least he tried to. he loved taking off and getting out of the studio sometimes. so you asked him for his help.

"show me something i can do instead of being in the studio 24/7."

and that he did. you spent the day with zoro going shopping and out to eat. you were having fun until the only thing your mind let you think of was new song lyrics. zoro was tired of hearing work ideas and decided to shut you up by shoving his cock down your throat.

it wasn't the first time the two of you had fucked but he needed to do this. he was doing this for you, so you wouldn't think about the studio. he even helped you relieved stress by eating your pussy spit on your pussy lips. making out with them as his spit mixed with your essence dripped down his chin.

he love the way you tasted and his eyes rolled to the back of his head at your smell. he made a mental note to pocket your underwear from today. his ring cladded fingers gripped your thighs as he lined up his red and leaky cock head with your cunt.

pushing his meaty cock into your tight virgin like pussy. bullying your poor cervix as he pounded into you. your moans bouncing off the walls of your bedroom. it was all too much you were overwhelmed by the feeling of him in you.

"fuck baby im gonna breed this sloppy cunt. gonna cum all in that pussy." he grunted and groaned as your jaw hung open moans and squeals flying out even time he stroked into you.

"zo, m'gonna cum!" you squeaked as your nails dragged down his back surely leaving scrapes.

"me too baby shit cum all over my cock." he grunted as he thrusted one final time cumming in you. after you both cuddled as he slowly ran his fingers up and down your back. leave soft touches and kisses along your body. he was hands down your favorite stress reliever.

[fangdokja]

ANNOUNCEMENTS (especially for horror + psychological readers)

Good news, everyone. 😊 I'm officially not mind blocked anymore with horror + erotic horror + psychological + thriller content.

Yeyy. I'm officially back to writing my stories for the actual yandere long-form content. Still extremely BUSY, but at least I'm not mind blocked anymore. I will still be incorporating dark humor content like my recent posts in other future stories. But just informing you all about the good news, since I know a number of you are waiting for actual horror content.

I have an upcoming explicit erotic horror story for Yandere! Author in "Whispers In The Dark" this Valentines Day entitled:

🔞"You like happy endings? Too bad. I don’t write those."

But I'm currently writing for long-form horror novellas. Not sure, but hopefully I'll be able to post a new chapter next week. Surprise though on what it is, because I always write and jump from one story to another.

Also we're approaching 2k followers, and I haven't posted my 1k special wahh. Sorry. Actually, I saw the results.

Actually, if you look here, you'll notice that I've always had the Yandere! Reverse Harem in "A Heart Devoured" ever since way before a lot of novellas:

It's been in my drafts the longest, because there's a lot of things to edit. I wrote a lot, literally Parts 1-4 serving as the intro arc. And I know it's good. But I've been debating for the past time if I should just restart everything due to how many edits that need to be done. I've also improved a lot from before. So... yeah. I decided, I'll restart instead and make it even more horrifying :)) Sorry it's taking a while. Thought I could finish it, but I know I could do better so yeah.

Me to my writing: Get that shiz out of here. *horrified author noises*

This is just a preview of how my writing looks before most edits and formatting. Yes. I write like one would write paragraphs and run-on sentences. It's what I do in research as well. Anyways, I know I could do better, so I'm going to restart from scratch. Also those descriptions are horrifying in a "seriously use your thesaurus, dude. did you seriously use the term 'biggest'." *slaps self*

Anyways, I'm also shocked with how many people are reading my stories. And if you read everything, how...? I appreciate it, but man so committed. haha. Thank you though to all you, Readers. Also low-key don't know if I'm doing well. I'm literally just here to write and improve my skills lol.

For those who wanted the incest harem, I've actually been writing this upcoming story in "Forbidden Fruits". I'm about 40% done with the first part of the novella to set up the lore of the story:

♡ Characters Included. Yandere! Grandfather, Father, Older Brother, Twin Brother

Thank you everyone for being so patient with me. I really appreciate how committed and understanding you all are huuuu. Really.

Also, I guess everyday is a surprise to most of you all considering my schedule is basically making me write and post whatever the fudge I want. Regardless, I'm happy to welcome all you new Readers, and to all my veteran Readers, thank you for all the patience thus far.

And to everyone? Thank you. I'm honestly happy with just writing and sharing. The fact you're all kind enough to do more, well I have no words to express my gratitude to you all. Whether you're a lurker or love to comment, please continue to enjoy and relax in this LIBRARY.

Also, I made a new masterlist to give you all recommendations based on what type of yandere you like, or what kind of plot you want.

[turtleblogatlast]

Combining the boys’ abilities (and I mean actual combining not just using them at the same time) because I was thinking about it and wow they’re kinda cracked actually-

[ cw: death mention / def not for them though 💀]

Raph & Mikey: infinite clones (aka unbeatable) + strength completely unparalleled + infinite cloned chains + the clones are very fast and can fly + potentially reverse any damage on main shield clones or even damage in general

Mikey & Donnie: constructs that also can last much longer than usual possibly forever + potential future vision + every single cable or wire or anything of that sort has the potential to be taken over akin to Mikey’s chains + full telekinesis

Donnie & Leo: pinpoint portal/teleportation themselves or constructs just by knowing where to aim (aka instadeath for any enemy if used right) + telepathy

Leo & Raph: teleporting clones who can grow or shrink at will (which can also be instadeath like above if used right) + said clones can also act as homing spots to switch places with + potentially swap damage taken to clones

Raph & Donnie: they literally can make Voltron, but more than one + basically impossible to destroy shields + constructs can also be cloned

Mikey & Leo: freezing time and being able to move during it + heat death of the universe + “oops hey it’s other alternate iterations of us???” + this is a time and space team up you’re not winning this-

Basically any combo is an instant “you win.” I wanna go further into these combos later and maybe even add or subtract as I think more on it because there’s so many I left out and I can always extrapolate on and explain these ones more, but this was fun and these boys have terrifying powers even without combining them all together.

Seriously, should each of them train these abilities to the best they can be, there is no beating them even if they’re alone.

[sysig]

You're still standing off to the side. Somehow, center stage has shifted from under your feet without you realizing, and you're standing in the wings, performing to no one.

Starring Role (Patreon)

[crybaby-bkg]

Trainer Bakugou who you're a little terrified of the first day you're paired with him. when asking for a trainer at the gym, you had expected the friendly redhead who always looked so sweet and encouraging and cut as hell. you weren't expecting his grumpy looking blond counterpart, who was all glares and shouts for his clients to keep pushing themselves.

you were hesitant at first, before you quickly realized that it was all a ruse, for the most part. he pushed those who needed that extra encouragement, but was more lenient to people like you who simply wanted a professionals guidance. so, after a few weeks, you liked him for the most part, and his looks damn sure made it easier to cozy up to the big guy.

the only issue you've been having with Bakugou though are the...coregasms, as you've seen them been named on social media, that you keep experiencing. the first time, you weren't sure what it was, why your stomach and pelvis kept tightening up. you couldn't have...climaxed, or anything. you hadn't even been touched!

but, as the weeks go by, and the workouts get more strenuous, they've become harder and harder to subside and ignore, and so had Bakugou's commands to keep going when you suddenly stopped. you can only lie and say its cramps so many times before he realizes that something is up.

you're midway through a good morning, when that familiar feeling starts tightening in the pit of your gut. you clench your eyes shut, shaking your head a little, as if you could ward off the impending feeling. bakugou notices though, frowning at your almost pained expression in the mirror, walking up behind you to stop you as you pull yourself back up. his hands are on your waist, and as you come up, you feel his bulge glide over the curve of your ass, and something in you snaps.

you gasp, buckling over, one hand on your knee as the other reaches back for bakugou's hand to keep you up as your thighs shake. you can feel yourself spasming, clenching and unclenching around nothing, secretly wishing you had something that could fill you up, something that you felt throb against you as bakugou leaned over your form.

"Another coregasm, huh?" he asks you lowly, his lips brushing your ear as you bite your bottom lip to hold back your moan. your eyes buck open though, when his words sink in, head tipping back to look at him in the mirror, only to find his gaze already on you.

"You knew every time?" you ask quietly, panting now that its finally starting to pass over you. but bakugou doesn't let you up from this position, especially since the area you're in seems to be desolate for now.

"It's hard to ignore how pretty you look when you cum, sweetheart." Bakugou seals his words with a firm press to your ass, his cock rubbing the seam, and you can practically feel the heat and veins of it through your thin bottoms. you groan under your breath, getting lost in the feeling of him grinding against you, when he suddenly speaks again.

"You still feel it?" he asks, voice low as he looks at you through his lashes. you nod, biting at your bottom lip as you meet the steady rock of his hips, watching how he smiles before slotting his lips against your ear.

"Want me to help make it go away?" and he does, in the employee locker room after hours. he makes it go away, and rebuild, and go away again and again until you're hoarse and your legs are weaker than they typically are on leg day. bakugou helps the ache go away, but not for that sweet redheaded coworker of his, whose fists have fucked his cock the entire time of watching bakugou rail you over the locker room bench again and again.

[leafwateraddict]

Tfw you realize the dating sim you found dumpster diving might be cursed-

Day 6 of @sansxyouweek : Game On!

Alternate versions under the cut!

It came out a bit more menacing than intended- but just know that she is staring lovingly <3

[statementlou]

soooo I need to sell some Louis stuff... I have listed elsewhere but priority to the tumblerinas (and tumblrinos), if one of yall wants to buy the 3 6 9 FITF cassette bundle or red and black splatter vinyl FITF (all sealed), talk to me about it

[vynnyal]

This is a pretty good point in the wip to share this, methinks :]

Map part for the hole dwelling map, starring... Not my ocs! I wanted to use ocs, but I don't have any-- so I just used the characters from a fic I was reading at the time 😂

Turns out, the symbolism was so much fun to twist into the 11 seconds I had to work with, I ended up going way more complex than I meant to. If you wanna read the fic this was based on, please do!! And tell the author I said hi! :D

[wundrousarts]

Something I’ve noticed for awhile is that I often get comments from people about how they are surprised how I always come up with theories and try to guess what might happen and they “could never do that” themselves. I want to say: yes you can! There’s honestly a shortage of Nevermoor theories and ideas and speculation and etc and I want to see MORE!!!

Want to talk about how Morrigan’s mom is actually secretly alive? How the Scholar Mistresses are a Wundrous Act? Do you think the Tempus Divinity looks like an owl, or do you think Weaving and Ruination would be met together? Or have you ever thought about how this one line, from Chapter 19 of Nevermoor, about Betram Crow actually means he was a Cursed Child? Whatever it is you want to talk about: GO FOR IT!!!

I personally find it very fun to go sort of “English class mode” and look at the text in front of me and think about what different things might mean and analyze it and even overthink it to an unnecessary (but fun!) amount. But that’s just me and how I like to approach things! You don’t need to make long posts and quote specific lines if that isn’t your style. The big thing to remember is that so much can happen in the next six books, so throw any idea out there! You never know what twists and turns will be thrown at us. I think it’s fun to share these ideas and discuss with other people— sure, maybe there’s just something you missed when reading, but perhaps some new ideas spawn might from it. Some speculation could even serve as inspiration for fics!

There are some theories and thoughts that I’ve posted that have been “debunked” when I reread a book, or when someone pointed out something, or even just when something had a real-world basis that I as an American didn’t catch. But it was still fun to think about it all, and there’s some bits and pieces that I see as notable and worth considering. I think most of the Silverborn Masterpost is going to be “wrong”, but if just 1% of it is “correct”, even indirectly, I will take that as a win. I know it feels like during the hiatus everyone’s talked about everything, but I hope that the incoming communal reread (fingers crossed) and obviously Silverborn brings some speculation back to the fandom because I want to discusssssss!

[skitskatdacat63]

I love your driver portrait ask game so much! Could I please ask for either James Hunt or Niki Lauda (whoever is more fun for you to draw) in the Victorian era?

If you need a reference, I'm thinking Daniel Brühl's character Laszlo Kreizler in The Alienist kind of vibe!

If you don't draw class F1 drivers, honestly anyone in Victorian dress is cool AF to me 😁

drawing ask game, send me a driver + a century/decade/era!!!!

Aahhhhh I'm so honored that you'd trust me to draw your boy!!! Ive never drawn him before, so idk how this is, but I tried my best aghh!!!

I love the silly facial hair of this era 😭😭 Niki's hair is honestly very reminiscent of it, with his sideburns so I just...increased them

[youreanerdharvey]

like lambs to the slaughter.

this is for @cardinaldust ‘s art challenge thing!!

[meadow-roses]

Every day I wake up and I mess up in a million ways, but maybe that's not the point, and no one's counting but myself. Maybe that is a part of the loving- inconveniencing and being inconvenienced in return. And if all the million ways I'm messing up are met with a million times of being forgiven, there's a special kind of beauty to that.

And from an outside perspective, when you love someone is an inconvenience even a negative thing? Aren't you looking for ways to bend yourself to make them a little more comfortable? "Welcome into my life, let me scoot over and make some room for you!" Where's the beauty in trying to just squish yourself and depriving the other of making room for you?? Isn't that then more a form of selfishness than love?

[eemoo1o-animoo]

I can’t draw so I uh I, uh-

This post is brought to you by someone liking my posts with a coloured-in boyband Edward pfp and me mistaking it for fanart of Murdoc from Gorillaz.

[chapinii]

Many on Quesadilla island believe that Fitmc was very much closeted to himself and the world up until he arrived on the QSMP, but perhaps that closet wasn't quite as locked as some may presume.

With the environment of 2b2t being so rife with hatred and homophobia, a deep and meaningful relationship was always out of the question. But within its depths lay the rub, of Fit, going through the all too familiar queer experience of being very aware of his sexuality against this toxic landscape, and knowing the possibility of others out there being just like him. Others whom he could never risk reaching out to in public, but longed to all the same.

He'd heard and seen his fair share of casual to severe homophobia, as well as witnessing with some amusement how the homoerotic tension some players swear against can tear factions apart. He knows all too well the irony that comes with a land so dominated by toxic masculinity and bigotry. This is a place where a man will stare you in the eyes, caress your cheek so gently, then spit in your face in disgust before insta-killing you. Of course, the price for outing somebody in such a place is a pretty penny for sure. Being a blank slate in the land of anarchy is your strongest asset. The last thing you want to do is throw fuel onto the fire and give people even more of a reason to put your head on a spike.

And so, he kept his feelings repressed- for the most part. He'd hide a blush as he melted internally over a handshake with a particularly muscular allied base leader. He'd allow himself the luxury of a poster, of an old Hollywood western starring a (very) dashing cowboy, that he'd stick crudely on the bedroom wall of wherever he'd end up staying for a while. But perhaps, just a couple times, he'd had a few small but significant experiences: the touch of a hand on his for just a fraction too long, warm eyes from a face he can't quite remember looking him up and down, all but rendering him breathless. Split second opportunities that would make those feelings bubble up to the surface, too strong to ever truly ignore. Being a lone mercenary in a world of anarchy is all well and good, but God does it get lonely.

He and Pac like to take things slow. It's a mutual decision. Neither of them have ever truly felt the need to sit down and discuss why. Fit wouldn't like him to know what he thinks about whenever the subject drifts towards the two of them going any further with their relationship. Every time Pac makes any kind of suggestive advance, heck, even if he looks at the man for too long, his mind can't help but think back to one quiet night on 2b2t, so many years ago. Flashes of encountering a stranger, deep underground, of a clumsy, desperate kiss. Stubble on stubble, the raw smell of dirt and sweat and cigarette smoke. He remembers the thrill, the terrifying electricity of it all, until a clatter was heard in the cave behind them and the moment was gone forever. It meant everything and nothing at the same time, that chance encounter. It was the closest he'd ever came to a real connection with somebody. He didn't know what became of the other man who so urgently whispered 'run', into his ear. He could have killed Fit right there, made a point of it, and yet he didn't. The mere memory of it petrified him, but by God, did he feel alive.

All the same, he didn't dare risk anything like that again. That was until he came to the QSMP, a place where he didn't have to hide himself from others, but still he airs on the side of caution. He's afraid of getting things wrong, of throwing himself into something he can't run away from. This isn't just some random encounter with a player in 2b2t. Pac is different. Fit knows he's got a past of his own, he sees how it torments him sometimes. What if daring to make a move, even kissing him opens up old wounds for the both of them?

Fit's no longer hiding in the dark. Making things 'official' with Pac is not a once in a lifetime chance, but the longer Fit hangs around him he feels like it is. He wants to keep Pac safe just as he kept himself safe for all those years. When he finally lets himself get closer to his roommate, one wrong move and another hypothetical cave noise could sound, followed by the form of something even more terrible that could rip the two apart forever and send Fit straight back to square one.

Slow and steady wins the race. Slow and steady keeps them both safe.

But God, what he'd give to feel that thrill again.

[sanchoyoscribbles]

magical girl who works as a junior mechanic in her grandpas garage and is studying for her license, the whole series would be about her teaching safe driving concepts and fighting monsters that embody bad habits like road rage, tailgaiting and not using ur turn signals 🛑