#I thought it would be better since the brunt of everything in my life has passed | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

leqonsluv3r · 4 months ago

Note

Hey, do you have a lot of requests rn?

I'd have a fic idea👀 so reader (female) would have been taken to Leon's family for some reason, been living there sometime now and Leon's dad just despises her and makes her do gross chores or whatnot, being mean for no reason, degrading a bit and Leon would let it happen, just kinda watch from aside but quickly enough he'd feel bad and would apologize for his dad behavior and tell her that he (Leon) doesn't feel that way, that he actually likes having her around etc. He could be plotting to kick his dads ass for it but the reader would stop those thoughts, then they'd talk and some things leads to others and soon they're making out and they have sex?! 🫣 You can decide if either one is a virgin or both🤔

my own cinderella

—re!4 leon kennedy x fem!reader

—a oneshot (request)

masterlist taglist

warnings: MDNI, 18+, virgin!reader, kinda dom!leon, best friends to lovers, leon’s dad being an asshole, reader is definitely like cinderella (loosely), grinding, lots of kissing and making out, unprotected pnv action, he’s soft with reader but not rough either (if that makes any sense lmao), they both love each other but they’re too chicken shit to admit it, reader is female and uses (she/her) pronouns, leon calls reader princess, nipple play, oral (f receiving), aftercare.

“she’s the sweetest thing in his life. always has been since they were kids, she was the lace to his leather. the flowers to his dirt, the sugar to his salt. so when he needs her, as her best friend. he takes her in, takes care of her. as they get older, he grows attached. having her living in his house, living this close. he needs to help her, to love her. his father is taking advantage of her, letting her pay him back in chores. she was his princess, he needed to save her. what better way then to just have her all to himself?”

—or leon gets his very own cinderella and gives her the happy ending she deserves

an: i’m so sorry this took so long to get written. my life has been a crazy mess lately. i’m still unpacking and decorating my new place, working and all the other shit that comes with life. i hope this is what you wanted, pls reblog and like, i appreciate it <3 it’s super long, a gift for being MIA for so long my lovelies.

she started living with leon and his family when she was around 15. it wasn’t her first choice of course, she was supposed to go live with her aunt in maine. but leon was one of her best friends, they were practically next door neighbors.

but when her aunt was tested for drugs and came back as an unfit guardian for her, leon’s father stepped in and made sure she had a place to live.

she loved that she had a place to stay, especially with leon around. everything wasn’t so scary. her parents getting sent to jail for embezzlement…wasn’t on her bingo card for that year. but leon made it okay, he made her laugh and he made sure she was comfortable staying with him and his family.

she got to keep attending the same private school as he did, got to experience life with her friends. she got somewhat of a happy ending.

at least that’s what it looked like from the outside.

what came with leon’s father taking guardianship over her, came with her getting the brunt of the chores. doing laundry for him and his family, cleaning all the rooms of the large house. it was things that she didn’t sign up for but she got to live in a large house with her best friend.

that was good enough? right?

wrong, even the years that passed as she became older became more difficult. especially when she turned 18 and the guardianship broke. she couldn’t leave because she had no money to her name, plus, leon’s dad offered to pay for her college courses.

so on-top of trying to attend lectures and do the loads of homework that came with being a college student. she had to stay and keep “working” around the house that should’ve been her sanctuary that was anything but.

she felt miserable but it wasn’t all bad, leon stayed home with her. he took a gap year, plus his dad was away a lot. she knew she should keep her wandering eyes to herself, that she shouldn’t have a crush on her bestfriend. she should just mind her own business and work until she can pay off her debt.

but no, he was there.

he was so handsome. so sweet to her, he always had been. she didn’t know how he was still single. he had the money, the title that came with his last name and the looks. if she was any other girl, she would’ve snatched him up by now.

but this was a different reality, leon was her friend. she couldn’t think of another reality where he was anything but that. where his thoughts were anything past platonic.

only if she saw the times he would look at her when she was bending over to clean, the times she didn’t see him looking. the dark blue of his eyes tracing her curves with just a small widening of his irises.

then she would know his thoughts were way past platonic and had been for a very long time.

one day in particular, leon’s dad was gone on a buisness trip. she had cleaned the entire house with the help of the maids, making sure her list of tasks was completed for her “guardians” approval.

she was sitting in her room, looking at the assignments on her desk. she knew she had so many classes that she needed to finish her assignments for. she had just been so busy with her chores or tasks, she hadn’t even had time to start her homework.

she started working and as she did, she got so immersed into it that she didn’t notice leon who was standing at her open bedroom doorway.

he cleared his throat and she whipped around in her desk chair, “christ! leon!” she says with a small gasp as she looked at him. he crossed his arms over his chest, “studying hard, princess?” he says with one of his famous smirks on his face.

the nickname he always called her had stuck from childhood and it still made her blush, she tipped her lips up in a crooked grin. “i didn’t know you’d be home today.”

he shrugs and walks into her bedroom, looking around at all the various things hung on the walls, he sees a couple pictures of them as kids. “i had an off day.” he says as he smiles at the picture of the them as kids.

she follows his eyes and tilts her head, “do you remember that?” she gets up from the desk chair and stands beside him, looking at the pictures on the cork board.

he looks from the cork board full of miscellaneous pictures of them, the one he saw in particular was a picture of them when they were 11 and they were getting they’re faces painted. she remembers that day, it was one of the happiest days she’d ever had. her parents were not in jail, her and leon were happy kids and things hadn’t gone to shit yet.

he nods, “yeah, that was a good day.” he says with a look of nostalgia on his face. he was the only constant good thing in her life and they both knew that. the only good thing she could rely on.

he has the urge to tell her things that he’s said a thousand times, but now it feels different since the change inside of him.

since he started looking at her differently, since he started feeling things deep down that he normally wouldn’t feel in a situation like this.

but his best friend was living with him, had been living with him for years because of her parents. his dad had been kind, gracious even and offered her a roof.

he knew that she worked her ass off, made the house and the mansion look impeccable with the help of the maids hired by his father.

but he still wanted her, wanted to take her away. he wanted to do something, he wanted her. he needed her and he was going to have her.

one way or another.

because she was his princess and she deserved more then what was given to her.

later that night, he was staying home instead of going out. normally on a friday night he would be hanging with his friends or going to the bar. but tonight, he was staying home.

he didn’t know how much longer he could take of watching her move around his orbit and not be his. how much menial labor he could watch her do for his father until he snapped. he wanted to scream and yell at his father, tell him it was unfair. but it was like trying to convince an ocean not to be blue, completely out of nature.

but he wanted to give her a break, give her something that she could latch onto so things didn’t seem so terrible. he already had her as a best friend, his love…went way beyond platonic.

so did his attraction.

so he offered for her to watch a movie with him, like when they both were kids.

she had obliged, she needed a break from studying and homework anyways. she was coming up on her midterms for her classes at college and she was losing her mind.

so this was a welcome distraction, he was also the welcome distraction. she had noticed changes over the years in him, his hair and his facial structure. more importantly, he’d been going to the gym. a lot.

his muscles almost needed their own names, they were a part of them. but they were huge. she had never seen muscles that big on any man ever. he could probably crush her like a grape, the thought was welcoming as it was arousing.

she shouldn’t be attracted to her best friend, not when she’s living under his dads roof and basically living here somewhat rent free.

but she was a girl, she had eyes. how could she not ogle him when he was mowing the lawn or had come back all sweaty from the gym? it was human nature. that was her justification in her mind, she was free to look but not to touch.

she’d ruin her friendship and her living situation if she even kissed him.

at least that’s what she thought.

they had been watching the movie for about 30 minutes when she felt his hand on her leg. she didn’t think much of it at first, it didn’t bother her.

she just thought that maybe it was accident and maybe he was just needing some comfort. excuses that she made up in her mind to make herself try and not feel the attraction that was pulsing in between her thighs.

she shifted under his hand on her thigh, letting him rest it there comfortably. out of the corner of her eye she could see the way his hand laid there almost protectively.

however, about halfway through the movie his hand was holding protectively and tightly to her inner thigh. so close and yet so far from where her clit was pulsing beneath her sweats.

she licked her lips, her mouth feeling dry. she didn’t dare look over in his direction, then he would know that this was affecting her. that his possessive and small hold on her leg was affecting every nerve ending in her body.

she prayed that he would just forget it, move his hand away. that was one part of her anyway, the other part wanted him to dip his fingers underneath her underwear and sweatpants.

but the was the horny part of her.

she swallowed when he gripped the fat of her thigh, hard. making her clit pulse in her panties and her pussy practically start drooling. she keeps her eyes on the tv, trying to get rid of the not so PG thoughts that were circulating around her brain.

but he was determined, unbeknownst to her.

he leaned over next to her and brushed some hair back behind her ear with his free hand, making her shiver. “got something on your mind, princess?” he says in a low timbre that she had never heard before.

she felt something inside of her change after he said that, his hand still roughly gripping at her thigh. she willed her mouth to work and words to leave it. she shakily exhaled, “leon…your hand on my thigh…” she says weakly.

she wish it would’ve come out better, not the words she would’ve opted before but it was something. she felt nervous, aroused and a million other things all at once. her virgin body didn’t know how much more it could handle.

“what about it?” he whispers as he lowers his mouth to nip at the shell of her ear, she felt like that alone would make her moan but she tucked her bottom lip between her teeth, keeping quiet.

“feels good…” she mumbles out as she leans into his touch on her leg, trying to subtly get his fingers to move closer to where she really needed them. he chuckles softly against her ear, “poor baby, i’m touching your thigh and your already a mess.”

his mocking only furthered her arousal, made her underwear uncomfortably wet. she turned her face to look at him, her nose brushing against his. their close proximity on the couch made her mind fuzzier then usual.

“you sure about this, princess?” he says softly against her lips, their breath mingling together. she thinks for a second, feeling the warmth of him and his hand squeezing her thigh roughly but with a tender sweep of his thumb.

does she want to ruin her friendship for the attraction she’s feeling? yes, yes she does. she might regret this later but a part of her thinks she can trust him. she’s known him for years, he’s her best friend, they’ve seen each other at their worst.

so when she says, “yes.” she doesn’t regret what happens next.

he smirks widely against her lips, his hand squeezes her thigh more. his lips press against her and she moans a little against his lips.

they make out for what feels like an eternity, her hands intertwined into his hair and their lips never leaving each others. the movie drowning on in the background and they both couldn’t care less.

she ends up on top of his lap, not even noticing that she’s grinding on his pants. she knows what it is she’s grinding against, she wasn’t born yesterday. she’s read smut book upon smut book in her lifetime.

he groans against her lips, carding a hand into her own hair and tugging on it as he feels her grind against his erection in his pants. “keep doing that and i’ll bust in my pants.” he whispers with a low husky chuckle in between kisses.

she feels her cheeks flush, “sorry.” she whispers with a tinge of embarrassment in her features, pulling back a little and her movements against his hips stopping. he brushes some hair out of her face, seeing her pink flushed cheeks.

“don’t be sorry, princess. i just don’t think you understand what your doing.” he says with a small daze in his eyes, she finds herself leaning into his touch on her hair. she blinks at him, “i knew what i was doing…i think?” she says with a small doubtful furrow of her brows.

he shakes his head and laughs, knowing that she knew some things but probably not a lot. “let me ask you something, okay? from one best friend to another?” he says with a small tilt of his head, letting his hands coast down to her hips and hold her protectively.

she nods and blinks at him, adjusting herself on his lap a little. he takes a deep breath and gives her a reassuring smile, “are you still a virgin?” he asks her softly, not a hint of judgement in his voice. there’s was no ulterior motive, he just wanted to know.

she swallows and nods, letting a shaky breath leave her pink lips. he kneads at her skin between her sweats and her top, making sure he can comfort her in some way. he knew that she never got anywhere with guys, half the ones she chose were complete idiots anyways.

“do you want to lose it?” he says softly, another gentle question that’s not close to being an ulterior motive. he just wants to understand where her head is at right now since they kissed.

“i do…i mean, yeah.” she shrugs as she stumbles over her words a little, her cheeks still flushed easily. he thought that the way her cheeks turned red, her eyes wide and docile. it was cute, it was something that only she could pull off. if any other girl did that with him, he would be gone in a matter of minutes.

but she was different. she wanted to lose it. he just needed to make sure, make sure she understood what he was going to ask next.

“well, if you wanna lose it…i’ll give that to you.” he says gently as he caresses the skin of her hips. she blinks at him, still feeling the blush on her cheeks. she doesn’t know how to feel, should she feel nervous? feel like the butterflies are going to burst out of her stomach?

he was giving her an opportunity to lose it, to take care of her, make her feel better. he was her best friend, she trusted him more then anything. but still, she felt nervous. he would be seeing her naked, it would be intimate and vulnerable.

but also, she loved him deep down in a way that was way more then platonic.

so that’s why she leaned forward and kissed him, pressing a kiss to his lips. he smiled against her lips and gripped her hips tighter, taking her kiss as an answer.

“are you sure?” he mumbles in between kisses, making sure she’s not going to regret this later when it’s over. she nods and keeps kissing him, resuming her movements on his hips, moving them against his erection that was still very much there in his boxers and jeans.

she moans softly against his lips as she keeps grinding on him. she wraps her arms around his neck and carding her hands into his hair. she’s taking it one step at a time, listening to her gut and the butterflies swarming it.

he keeps his hands on her hips, almost guiding her as she rolls her hips over his. he groans against her lips, keeping her with him. he doesn’t want to ever let her go.

he didn’t realize that the butterflies in his own stomach were swarming wildly, attacking him when he was keeping her this close. all it took was kissing her, teasing her, holding her ontop of him.

it was years of friendship that had bubbled up into something that they both ignored until now.

he lightly guides her to lay back on the couch, pressing his chest against her own, their lips still moving against each other in a soft tangle of lips, tongues and teeth.

“princess, i’m gonna get you ready for me, okay?” he says when he pulls away from her lips, looking into her eyes. he’s going to take good care of her, as her best friend and someone who has had feelings for her for years.

she nods slowly up at him, he sees the nerves in her eyes. “if you want me to stop at any time, you tell me okay? and i will. i don’t want you to be uncomfortable, i would never want you to be.” he says gently as he brushes some hair out of her face.

“i will, i promise.” she whispers, the nervous energy thrumming through her body was put at ease a little by his words. “okay, princess.” he whispers softly as he leans down and presses kisses along her jawline to the collar of her shirt.

“such a pretty girl…” he whispers in between kisses to her neck, one of his hands going under her shirt and tracing the soft skin of her stomach.

she feels herself get more aroused with every kiss and word he says, helping her take off her shirt. he is gentle with his movements, taking off each piece of her clothing until she’s down to her bra and panties.

he leans back between her spread legs on the couch, admiring the way she looks all flushed and half-naked on the couch, she really is a dream. he feels more protective of her now, possessive, like he needs to keep her for himself.

the part of him that’s almost primal, a part he would like to keep hidden but he doesn’t know how much longer he can, not when he’s about to take her virginity.

“god, your so beautiful.” he says softly, his eyes roving over her frame. she feels her cheeks heat up all over again, wanting to hide from the embarrassment and just the way he’s eating her alive with his blue eyes.

he doesn’t let her hide, he leans down and presses his lips to the skin of her breast right where her bra is hiding her breasts. “good fucking…” he growls as he nips at the skin of her breast.

her body is shaking and she lets out some whimpers, squirming a little underneath him on the couch. “i’m gonna take your bra off, see these beautiful titties you’re hiding from me.” he says with another nip right above her bra.

she nodded and grabbed at his shirt, “take yours off.” she says with a small pant of her lips. he chuckles lowly and leans back on his haunches in between her legs.

he strips off his own t-shirt to showcase the soft muscles and planes of skin, she’s seen him shirtless before but these circumstances were far different. she lets out a breathy exhale.

“your turn.” he says with a small chuckle as he leans down and pulls down the bra straps on her bra. “lean up,” he guides her up so he can reach around and unclip it on the back.

finally, her bra is off and he throws it with her other clothes on the floor. he looks at her breasts, a groan leaving his lips. “my fucking…god, princess.” he says with a small sigh, he’s trying his best not to bust in his pants at the sight of her bare.

he doesn’t even hesitate as he leans down and captures one of her breasts in his mouth, using his other hand to pinch and pull at her nipple. he’s feasting on her like he’s a man starved.

she feels her underwear practically drenched at this point, moaning and gripping at his hair to keep his mouth on her.

she’s never felt like this before and he hasn’t really even done anything yet. she arches her back more, pushing her breast into his mouth more.

he swirls his tongue around her breast, feeling his cock straining in his pants, if he doesn’t release it soon…it’s going to bust in his pants.

he groans around her nipple and then moves to the next one giving it the same attention he just gave the other one, her body shaking and writhing beneath him like crazy.

he trails his lips away from her breasts, kissing down the plane of her stomach until he reaches the band of her underwear. he looks up at her from between her legs and silently asks her for permission.

she nods down at him and he hooks his fingers in the band of her underwear, pulling them down over her hips and tossing them with the rest of her clothes. he pulls back to marvel at her wet folds, how completely wrecked she is and he hasn’t even done that much yet.

the thought that he’s the first one to do any of this, touch her body like this, it drives him insane. it makes him almost feral as he leans in between her legs, keeping her thighs open and pressing kisses to the skin of her inner thighs.

“so fucking gorgeous, princess. is this all for me?” he grumbles lowly against the skin of her thighs, she feels the flushed skin of her cheeks heat up more.

the compliment only making her more aroused, practically painful at this point. she licks her dried lips, “yes…all for you.” she mumbles as she tries to control her breathing.

he chuckles against the skin of her inner thigh, still going farther down to her core. she feels her chest rise and falling faster and faster, those nerves returning as he leans down and presses a kiss to her clit.

her body instantly reacting, he loops his hands around her thighs and keeps them open. he presses more kisses to her clit until she’s a moaning mess, finally deciding to put her out of her misery.

he licks a stripe up her wet slit with his tongue, she moans softly and tilts her head back against the couch. she has never felt anything like this before, a whole other feeling that she couldn’t get from her fingers or a toy.

he keeps licking over her slit, practically drinking her up and devouring her like she was a five course meal. he uses one of his hands and plunges two fingers into her dripping entrance.

he had to prep her, he didn’t want to completely just rush in and hurt her. it didn’t matter how wet she was, he didn’t want to risk it.

she feels that feeling in her belly warm up and coil tighter, she starts shaking and moaning more, her moans growing in pitch. “so close…” she whimpers as he keeps plunging his fingers in and out of her entrance.

“mhm, gonna come all over my fingers like a good girl.” he mumbles softly, almost a feline smile on his lips as he presses a kiss to her slit and licks it as he keeps fingering her, his words twisted that coil tighter.

she feels herself fall apart after a few more pumps of his fingers and then another kiss to her clit, working her through her orgasm. he’s trying to be gentle, take his time but it’s hard when he’s watching her fall apart like that.

“so good, you did so good.” he praises lowly as he kisses up from her slit, over her stomach and breasts, then kisses her lips. she moans softly against his lips, tasting her own release on his mouth. she feels the fingers that were inside of her, trailing over her stomach.

his hand grabbing at her breast and squeezing it as he keeps kissing her. he pulls away slowly and looks down at her flushed face, “your so beautiful.” he whispers as he looks at her with nothing but admiration in his eyes.

she smiles lazily up at him, “thank you.” she whispers with a small pant out of her lips, he strokes some more hair out of her face. “you did amazing.” he whispers softly as he looks down at her.

the praise melts her into a puddle, still wet and probably leaking all over his dads couch. she doesn’t even care at this point. his dad was a whole other issue entirely that she didn’t want to even think of when she was with him.

it was just her and leon right now, the outside world ceased to exist.

“do you want me to keep going, princess?” he says with a small sigh as he traces lines down her stomach and down to her hips.

she thinks about it, about all of it. about his hands on her body and about the way he touches her so tenderly. how he’s not forcing her, how much she trusts him.

she can’t say no now, she can’t back out.

she licks her lips, “yeah, i want you to keep going. i want it.” she whispers as she looks up at him.

he smiles a boyish grin that makes her heart flutter uncontrollably, one that she’s seen a thousand times and it makes her breath catch. he presses a soft kiss to her lips, “i can do that. if it hurts too much, let me know. let me know and we can stop, okay? i already told you…” he trails off and she smiles softly up at him.

“yeah, i know. you’ve said that already.” she giggles softly as he leans back on his knees again in between her legs on the couch. “i know, i just…i want you to feel comfortable. i love you.” he mumbles the last part and if she wasn’t really listening, she wouldn’t have caught it.

but she did.

i love you. i love you. i love you.

it was echoing through her brain as he took off his pants and boxers, mixing her brain and making her all warm and fuzzy on the inside.

even when she saw his cock, all hard and long, the precum oozing out of the tip. she shakily exhales, the beating of her heart intensifies. she doesn’t know if it’s from his confession or the fact that his erection is just out.

she’s seeing him naked, fully naked. they match each other now, fully bare in front of each other. they can’t go back to normal after this, a reality she doesn’t want to face yet.

especially after…

i love you. i love you. i love you.

she looks up at him, reaching out for his arm as he starts to lean over her. he looks at her, his blue eyes linking with her own eyes. “what? what’s that look on your face for?” he says huskily as he takes in the look of admiration and lust in her eyes.

“you love me?” she whispers shakily, doesn’t feel like it’s falling out of her lips. he feels his breath catch and then escape, he can’t lie to her. not when she heard it. when she was naked and beautiful, everything he’s ever wanted wrapped up underneath him.

“i do, i love you…i think i’ve loved you for a long time.” he whispers as he slots himself between her legs, his cock rubbing against her wet folds. the intimacy, she thought she would hate it, run from it. but no, she was here with him and this was happening.

the words made this moment more sweet and memorable, the ache in her heart was bittersweet. to know that the feeling that she kept hidden for so long was reciprocated.

“i love you too. in a non-platonic way.” she whispers with a small nervous smile as she reaches up and touches the skin of his cheekbone.

he has that boyish smirk on his face as he hovers over her, looking into her eyes and tracing the lines of her face. “you do, huh? how long…?” he says with a small bit of teasing in his voice.

her arousal still uncomfortable but she put it on the back burner for now, she was finally getting to confess. finally getting to tell him all she felt for him over their years of friendship.

“maybe three or four years? i don’t know.” she giggles softly, “i couldn’t explain when it started.” she whispers as she traces a line down his jaw and over the moles on his neck.

“that’s okay, princess. i don’t need a timeline. i’m just glad you love me back, that’s all i could ever want from you.” he says softly and he’s almost sentimental deep down underneath it all.

but his dick is still rock hard against her wet folds. she doesn’t feel it go unnoticed, not any of this. “that and my virginity.” she jokes poorly as she smiles shyly up at him.

he shakes his head, smirking playfully, “no, you’re giving it to me. there’s a difference. i’m gonna make it so good for you. it’s what someone like you deserves.” he says sweetly as he leans down and presses a firm but soft kiss against her lips.

she sighs against his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck as he hovers over her. they love each other, it’s echoing in his brain and he doesn’t want it to ever disappear.

he slips his hand in between them and guides his cock through her wet folds, coating it with arousal and causing her to moan into his kiss. he hovers his lips over hers, “just relax, take a deep breath or it’s going to hurt.” he says gently as he nudges the tip of his cock into her entrance.

she nods and cards a hand into his hair, following his gentle command and taking deep breaths. he gently slides in inch by inch, letting her breathe through it. “it’s okay, you can take it.” he whispers softly, pressing a kiss to the corner of her lips.

she heaved a small breath, his cock slipping farther and farther in until he was fully sheathed inside of her. he stills for a couple moments, reading her expression.

“are you okay? does it hurt?” he asks gently as he caresses her cheek, she takes a shaky inhale and exhale. “not as bad…” she whispers softly as she looks up at him.

she feels a small sting, he’s definitely bigger then she expected. “take a moment, adjust and then i’ll move.” he says as he presses another soft kiss to her lips.

he stays still for a moment until she nods slowly, gesturing for him to move. he doesn’t hesitate, he slowly starts rocking his hips against hers.

she feels her eyes squeeze shut, she feels so full and just so happy. everything feels blissful like she’s on cloud nine. he presses a kiss to her neck, burying his head there as he keeps rolling his hips against hers. she wraps her arms around his neck and then her legs around his hips.

her pussy was squeezing him and it was hard for him to hold back, she was so tight, he was trying to control himself as best as he could.

“fuck…so tight…” he mumbles against her neck as he keeps rolling his hips, he goes a little bit harder. his hips rolling a little bit deeper and faster.

she leans her head back, her lips parted in bliss as she moans and whimpers. her little noises only making him more desperate to give her what she wants.

i love you. i love you. i love you.

it echoes through both of their brains simultaneously as they bring each other closer and closer to the edge. she’s so sweet, so good to him, always been the girl that he can go to.

been her best friend, been her confidant. he even gave her a place to stay, he helped her. her moans and his groans mingling together like sweet music as he keeps pounding his hips into hers.

“sweet girl, so fucking beautiful.” mumbled praises and compliments in between every thrust of his hips, her lips parting. she’s never looked more beautiful then right now. offering herself to him and him gladly obliging.

she’s melting underneath him, she’s close. she can feel it. he can feel the way she’s clenching around his cock, her moans growing in pitch. “don’t worry, princess. gonna let you come all over my cock.” he groans as he presses kisses all over her jaw.

that only spurs her on further, she feels it snap before she can even say anything, her nails digging into his back. she feels her body shaking as she comes all over his cock.

“oh fuck…” he groans as he feels her clench and coat his fuck in her come. he keeps rolling his hips, fucking her through her orgasm to chase his own release.

“i’m almost there, i’m almost there…” he repeats over and over as he keeps fucking into her, her eyes almost rolling into the back of her head from the overstimulation.

he keeps going until it was almost unbearable for her, his cock shooting ropes of come into her, a loud moan leaving his lips. he just kept his dick inside of her, waiting for it to soften. he needed to catch his breath, he feels like that orgasm took everything out of the both of them.

he pulls back a little to look into her eyes, “was it good? are you okay?” she blissfully smiles up at him in return. “it was perfect, felt good.” she mumbles with a small blink of her eyes.

“god, your so fucking good, princess.” he whispers in a low voice as he presses a gentle and loving kiss against her lips. she smiles against it, rubbing her hands over the small scratches on his back in a soothing gesture.

he pours all his love into the kiss, making sure she knew that he loved her, genuinely. this wasn’t just something he said to get her underneath him.

he loved her, she loved him.

i love you. i love you. i love you.

he leans back and pulls himself off of her, “im gonna clean us up, okay?” he says with a small gentle smile, slowly pulling his cock out of her entrance.

she sighs softly at the loss of his cock, feeling herself flutter around nothing. he strokes a hand over her stomach, “stay here.” he says firmly as he gets up, pulling his boxers back on. he walks into the kitchen down the long hallway, grabbing a damp paper towel and walking back.

he sits down next to her on the couch, her eyes slowly opening and closing from the exhaustion of the two orgasms she experienced. he wipes gently in between her legs, cleaning up their shared arousal.

“your okay, your okay.” he caresses her stomach in gentle rubs as he cleans in between her. she laughs a little as she looks over at the tv on the far wall of the living room.

he follows her eyes, seeing the reason for the laughter. the movies credits were rolling, he shakes his head. “if you want to actually watch it tomorrow, we can.” he says with a small teasing grin.

“if you can keep your hands off me tomorrow.” she says with a lazy smirk as she looks over at him. he gets up to throw away the paper towel, “don’t worry, i think i can manage.” he jokes.

she slowly sits up on the couch, looking at him, “do you think…your dad will kick me out when he finds out about us?” she says with a small bite to her bottom lip. he shakes his head, a small sigh leaving his lips.

he grabs his t-shirt and her underwear, handing them to her to put on. he sits down next to her as she slips the underwear over her hips and puts on his t-shirt. “don’t worry about him, i can handle him. if he has a problem we can always move out.” he says with a small smile, brushing some hair out of her face.

he continues, “i won’t leave you here with him. wherever you go, i go.” he says gently as he presses a kiss to her forehead. “your mine now, okay? you might not have agreed to it yet. but i’m not gonna let you stay here with him.” she feels her eyes swell up a little bit with tears.

just the love that he’s always had for her coming out 10x stronger than before, the whispered confessions before he took her virginity.

she smiles almost brokenly at him, a heartbreaking smile that he wants to make go away. he pulls her closer to him on the couch, wrapping his arms around her.

“i’ll follow you wherever you go.” she whispers against his bare chest, sniffling a little as she tries to keep the lump of tears at bay.

“i know you will.” he says with a small chuckle, pressing a kiss against the side of her hair. he rubs his hands over her back, the material of his t-shirt that she’s wearing kissing his palms.

“i love you.” she says softly into his chest, her breath shaky and trembling. he presses a kiss to the top of her head again, solidifying the words with his actions. “i love you too, princess. always have, always will.” he whispers tenderly against her skull.

he would always love her, he didn’t think he could ever stop. she would stick with him, he would take her away and make her happy. she’d never have to do another chore again, not if he had anything to say about it.

he rescued his princess, he won.

that mattered more then anything else.

taglist: @elihii @heartsforvin @argreion @sqiim @adollrable @leonkennedygvrl @laceycoffins @porcelainseashore @squazmine (if you want to be added interact with the link at the beginning <3)

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clarisse0o · 2 months ago

Text

Camp Wiegman-Part 69

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words: 5K

Masterlist

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Monday, March 14; 9:30 AM - Manchester

A small routine had developed over two weeks. School continued, where I was pushing myself hard with revisions. It had become difficult to fit my friends into my schedule, but I had to make a choice. I wanted to pass my exam at any cost. I received some reproaches from them, though. Only Alexia and Alessia stood up for me. Maybe even Leah and Lotte now, too. Thanks to Alessia, I was able to talk to Leah and resolve our issues. She understood my intentions for studying, and I think she wasn’t as upset anymore about my relationship with Lucy.

"I just found it strange at first and was worried for you. I get that you're being careful. Now, give me some time to get used to it," she had told me.

I thought that was sweet of her. It wasn’t for nothing that I liked her so much. As for Lotte, we also had a conversation. I apologized for not remembering her. She was surprised and told me she had wanted me to figure it out on my own. Still, she accepted my apology, saying we could maybe reconnect now. I agreed, though I still struggled with the idea. I don’t think knowing each other from before changes much about our relationship today.

Outside of my friends, I’m happy with my life right now. Things with Lucy are going great. We spent a quiet weekend with her friends, which I needed after the last one in Barcelona. I’m still waiting to hear back from the galleries. It’s nerve-wracking, but I haven’t lost hope. I continue sending letters with Beth’s help and Lucy’s encouragement. On the other hand, I still haven’t called my mom. We left without seeing her, as she was called to the hospital urgently. In a way, I was relieved. I avoided confrontation at least. Knowing her, she probably thinks I’m angry at her. I can’t blame her; she’s borne the brunt of my outbursts. Lucy advised me to contact her soon, but I haven’t had the courage yet. I still feel guilty about what happened. One positive thing is that I’ve long been prepared for the idea of marriage. My father drilled it into me, and I’ll go through with it, if only to honor his memory.

"Are you okay?" Lucy asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I jump slightly. We were in the car, on the way to my meeting at the gallery with Mr. Fields. I was glad Lucy was coming with me. At least we’d get to spend some time together outside of school.

"Yeah," I exhaled.

"Are you nervous?"

"A little… Not too much, honestly."

I had no idea what would come from this meeting. I had already resigned myself to not having high expectations. I didn’t want to be disappointed by the outcome.

"Actually, I wonder why I even accepted this meeting. I should have declined, and it would all be over."

"Don’t say that. We don’t know what’s in store. Maybe it’ll go well, and he’ll offer better solutions."

"Hmm..."

I love her optimism. I’m not as hopeful. Maybe she’s just trying to reassure me. We arrive at our destination. This time, it’s the real gallery in the center, not the workshop. Mr. Fields said he’d be here today. He insisted that Lucy accompany me, and I couldn’t be happier. We walk into the building, and I’m struck by its splendor. Everything is beautiful, modern, white, and sleek. There are so many paintings on display. Some are for sale, others aren’t, or at least that’s what I gather since some don’t have prices. I feel a bit lost. I see Mr. Fields nearby, but he doesn’t seem to have noticed us. He’s talking to no one in particular as he approaches a woman at the reception. She notices us and looks uncomfortable as he gives her cold instructions before walking back down the hall he came from.

"Great start," Lucy whispers.

I nod slightly, focusing on the paintings to keep myself busy. The receptionist has seen us, so I assume she’ll come over. My mind wanders a little. I wasn’t expecting a gallery like this. Could I work in a place like this? It’s so large. Honestly, it’s massive. I don’t even dare explore the whole place. I understand its reputation now. This isn’t my thing. I’m not sure I belong in an environment like this.

"Hello, can I help you with something?" the young woman approaches us.

She seems uncomfortable, and I get it. Her boss spoke to her like dirt right in front of us without even realizing it. She knows we saw everything. Seeing me frozen, Lucy steps in first.

"Hello. We have an appointment with Mr. Fields."

"Oh yes, he mentioned your arrival. I’m sorry, I can’t remember the name he gave me, though."

No surprise there… Lucy nudges me to snap me out of my daze. The woman looks at me, waiting for an answer.

"Batlle. Ona Batlle, that’s my name."

"Yes, that’s right. Thanks for reminding me. He’s on the phone, but I’ll let him know you’re here. Feel free to look around while you wait."

"Thank you."

"Excuse me," Lucy stops her. "Are you an apprentice here?"

The young woman turns bright red in front of my girlfriend. Okay, I’ll admit Lucy can be quite intimidating when she wants to be, especially with that serious look. Why is she asking about this? The woman stammers a sort of "yes" before hurrying away. I sigh and start fiddling with my fingers. I’m starting to feel stressed, and I don’t like it. I wait until she’s far enough before turning to Lucy.

"I’m not feeling good about this," I mumble. "And why did you ask that question?"

"Relax, I’m here. I just wanted to know. Do you still want this job?"

Lucy is completely calm. I can tell she’s up to something. I shrug.

"I... I don’t know. This environment isn’t really me," I admit hesitantly.

She smiles and runs her hand through my hair.

"I know, but we’re not leaving now that we’re here."

"Fields seems really busy."

"Hmm, you’re right. I hope he’ll give us the attention we deserve, or I’ll get mad quickly," she tells me. "He’s already late," she points out.

I laugh softly. If he’s late, he’s definitely not winning any points with Lucy. I hope she’ll be able to keep her cool. I’m glad she’s with me. Unlike me, she has enough character to speak up if necessary.

"Hey," she says, catching my attention. "Don’t feel so uncomfortable, okay? If Fields wanted to meet with you, it’s because he believes in your talent."

I blush, feeling easily seen through.

"Do you want to know what I think?" she continues.

I nod. I think I need to hear what she has to say to lift my spirits.

"I think your talent is even bigger than this empire, so don’t lose confidence because of this," she says, gesturing to the room around us.

"Are you sure...? Then why do I feel so uncomfortable?"

"Because it doesn’t reflect your personality, but that has nothing to do with your talent. What I’m trying to say is that not every gallery will be the right fit for you, but that doesn’t mean you should doubt yourself. Okay?"

I take a deep breath and nod. I knew I could always count on her to lift me up. I felt like a burden in the middle of all this.

"It’ll be fine," she reassures me with a gentle pat on my back. Maybe things don’t happen by chance after all...

"Ladies!" a deep voice calls out, startling me. "What a pleasure to finally have you here."

Mr. Fields walks out of the hallway he had disappeared into and comes toward us. It seems he really hadn’t noticed us before... I force a smile.

"How are you? Come on, let’s go to my office."

His initial question, just for formality, is quickly forgotten. He leads us to his office. It’s more spacious and better furnished than the one in the workshop. Everything is so different from my first meeting with him. There’s no doubt he must host more people here. It’s more contemporary and softer. The one in the workshop was clearly more personal and better decorated in my opinion.

"Please, have a seat," he said, motioning to the chairs in front of his desk before walking around to sit down.

Lucy let me take a seat first before joining me. Her presence gave me confidence. She made me feel safe.

"I'm happy to finally meet you, Miss Bronze. May I also speak to you informally?"

A lump formed in my throat. During our first meeting, he had addressed me informally without asking. I hate people who seem to have more respect for some than for others. It feels like he's categorizing people to decide how to speak to them. He doesn't help me feel any better. It’s like he’s a completely different person, someone I’ve never met before.

"If you like. It’ll make the conversation easier."

He smiled, nodding.

"Oh, excuse me. I have a call," he said, touching his ear.

Until then, I hadn’t noticed, but he was wearing an earpiece. Now I understood why he seemed to be talking to himself earlier.

"Would you like a coffee before we start?"

"No, thank you."

"I'd love one," Lucy said at the same moment.

"Alright," he chuckled. "I'll go get that for you. Would you like anything else, Ona?"

"No, thank you, I'm fine."

"I’ll be right back."

I rubbed my hands together as he left. He took the call. I could hear his voice echoing in the hallway. What a jerk... He dared to take a call in the middle of our meeting. It’s so disrespectful. I jumped slightly when Lucy placed her hand on my thigh.

"Hey, are you okay? Is he making you uncomfortable?" she asked, frowning.

"No, I'm fine..."

"Ona. I can still tell when you're not alright, so don’t lie to me. I don’t like that."

"He seems different. But really, it’s okay. It’s the place that’s making me nervous."

This time I wasn’t lying. I know my reactions affect Lucy, and that’s the last thing I want right now. She nodded understandingly, taking my hand and kissing the back of it.

"Relax, okay? I’ll handle the talking."

"No, ple-"

"Shh. I hate seeing you like this. I’m just going to ask him a few questions. Let’s see if he gives me the answers I want."

"W-what do you mean by that?"

"I want to know if this place is right for you. We’ll see based on his responses," she said, shrugging.

"And if it’s not?"

"If it’s not, I’m not letting you work somewhere you won’t feel comfortable. You’ll just end up hating your job, and that’s not the point when you’re just starting a career."

I bit my lip, lowering my head. She quickly lifted it back up with her fingers, brushing them gently along my chin.

"I fully intend to put this guy in his place when he gets back."

"Y-you’re really going to do that?"

"I’d do anything for those beautiful eyes of yours."

"And what if we manage to negotiate a chance for me to work here?"

"Then it could stay an option, if you have nothing better," she sighed.

I smiled, realizing that the idea didn’t seem to thrill her. It was adorable how she was acting.

"Baby, if this interview doesn’t lead anywhere, don’t see it as a failure, okay? I’m sure there’ll be other galleries that will appreciate you a lot more."

"You think he’s going to conduct the whole interview over the phone?"

"He better not if he doesn’t want to face my wrath. That’s exactly why I’m planning to set him straight."

I smiled despite myself. That was exactly what she was aiming for, given the grin she flashed back at me. Footsteps echoed in the hallway, giving us time to adjust ourselves before he ended his call and opened the door. As he re-entered, he smiled and made his way around the desk. I already missed Lucy’s touch, but I knew that here, she had to play the role of my manager, not my girlfriend, unfortunately.

"Here you go," he said, placing a cup in front of Lucy. "Careful, it’s hot."

"Thank you."

"Do you take sugar?"

"No, no, it's fine like this," she replied as he placed a glass in front of me.

"I thought I'd bring you a glass of water, just in case," he said with a small smile.

He’s so fake. I hate it. But I thanked him anyway. He finally sat down in front of us. Our meeting should have started half an hour ago, and I had to admit it was getting tiring that he kept doing his own thing without acknowledging us.

"Alright then. Let’s not waste any more time. I apologize, but I’m very busy today, with many appointments and important calls."

"We noticed," Lucy remarked pointedly. "I hope we won’t be interrupted again."

He didn’t respond to the comment, but his expression showed he didn’t like it. He seemed uncomfortable. He tugged at the sleeves of his suit and clasped his hands on the desk, sitting up as straight as possible.

"Certainly, we’ll make sure that doesn’t happen again," he muttered. "Well, then. The reason we’re here is that I’ve offered Ona a position as an apprentice at my gallery next year."

"A position in Cardiff," Lucy corrected.

I stifled a smile. For some reason, it seemed like she was irritated. She wasn’t holding back at all. I recognized her now, acting like she did in the beginning, with that heartless demeanor. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that Fields was a bit thrown off.

"Yes, that’s right," he responded as calmly as possible.

"And why is that?" she pressed on.

Her tone had shifted completely. She was clearly challenging him.

"I must admit that I was a bit surprised by your decision. You have an enormous gallery at your disposal, and yet you can’t find a spot for her here? Ona has already made a long journey to Manchester, she’s settled in, stable, and now you want to send her elsewhere."

Fields was momentarily at a loss for words, as was I. She had asked me to trust her, and now I was starting to understand why. She was protecting me while trying to find common ground. I shouldn’t be surprised. She would always fight for what’s best for me. Fields, who had been eager to meet her earlier, must have been regretting it by now.

"Well… I must admit that Ona’s application came in rather late," he replied without faltering. "I’ve already promised two apprenticeships to other students for this gallery. It’s difficult to take on a third, knowing that I already have two students moving into their second year. That’s why I suggested Cardiff. It’s the closest gallery I own in the area. I’ve already coordinated with the school, should you be interested."

He pushed some documents toward us. He had prepared everything. There was an enrollment form for Cardiff’s school right in front of us, pre-filled with the company’s details. Lucy had been right. He had no intention of leaving room for negotiation. The student’s section was still blank, and something told me that if it weren’t me, he’d have no qualms about finding someone else.

"I understand this is a tough decision, but you have to understand that I receive a lot of applications. Ona is incredibly talented, which is why I made this offer, but she isn’t the only one. I hadn’t even planned on taking an apprentice at Cardiff since it’s just opened. This is a significant opportunity I’m offering."

I looked at Lucy after hearing this. He knew how to respond too. She remained focused on Fields. It was a real battle between them. One thing was certain: he wasn’t willing to accept any other alternatives.

"And from what you’ve said, Ona seems to be doing quite well. I didn’t think a change of city would be an issue."

"It is an issue. She’s found stability here with new friends and even a relationship. You don’t realize it, but you’re asking her to leave everything behind."

Fields absorbed Lucy’s words with understanding. Maybe he wasn’t exactly the person I had described earlier...

"I see. You are in a unique situation, but I’m not sure I can offer anything better. I’ll have to take a look before giving you my final answer."

"Alright..." Lucy murmured, sounding as surprised as I was by his retreat. "May I ask what her tasks will be?"

"Of course. I’ve already discussed this with Mr. Davis, the head of my new agency. There will be no shortage of work. He wasn’t convinced about taking someone on, but I managed to persuade him."

"I’ve noticed the young woman at the reception is an apprentice. Will Ona be doing similar tasks?"

"Yes, of course. She’ll have the opportunity to vary her responsibilities. Reception work will be part of it. »

- She won't just be doing that, right?

- No, he replies with a small laugh.

He had realized by now that she was defending me. I saw him bring his hand to his ear. He had another call, I was sure of it. I wasn’t the only one who noticed.

- I hope you're not going to take that call, my girlfriend warned him.

- Excuse me, we have an exhibition opening this weekend, so there’s a bit of stress, she laughs. I'll call back later, he adds, taking off his earpiece.

- Hmm... Can you elaborate now?

- Well, yes, the tasks then. Ona will have the opportunity to work in the studio, of course. She’ll be able to practice and learn with the other apprentices, and then, who knows, maybe even exhibit her work. It’s rare that we sell them since they’re not professional, but exhibiting is still an opportunity to be noticed by potential clients.

- OK... But I sense there’s a “but.”

- Indeed. There will be alternation between the apprentices. Sometimes they’ll be here in the gallery, interacting with buyers and handling tasks we assign them. It might not be the best part of the job, but I believe it’s a good experience for them.

- We saw you shouting at one of them earlier. At least, you didn’t seem very approachable and didn’t even notice us.

He takes a deep breath. Lucy is perfect. She doesn’t attack him, but she knows how to unsettle him in other ways.

- True. We sometimes get stressed and lose our composure. Of course, that won’t fall on you, but it might happen from time to time, he tells me.

- All right. Will she be invited to exhibition openings?

- Yes, yes, of course. She might even organize one. Well, not at the beginning, but that will be part of the learning process—learning the organization and maybe even assisting if she stands out among the other apprentices. It’s a kind of reward for us.

I nod. The job description is more than interesting... I’d be crazy to say no...

- So, you guarantee she’ll have the opportunity to improve her art through all this?

- Normally, yes. We do allow them some time, but let’s not have illusions. It will be a small part of your work here. You’ll be able to practice the most at school.

School. I had almost forgotten that detail. It’s true that that’s where I’ll get the most help to improve. Still, I hope to have some opportunities for professional advice here. I have my doubts about that. This guy gives me the impression he's selling us a dream, but in the end, we’ll just be there to keep his business running. That’s definitely not what I’m looking for. If I want to do this job, it’s out of passion, not for anything else.

- How big is this gallery? Lucy asks.

- It’s the largest one here. The studio was recently relocated to expand the gallery. As for the one in Cardiff, it's just slightly smaller than this one. However, we managed to keep the studio in the same place, which is obviously better.

- Are you planning to expand your circle even more?

- Definitely, yes. If the Cardiff location does well, there’s a good chance new branches will open in the south, he replies proudly.

- You manage everything by yourself?

- Yes. I don’t like delegating.

- So, the training won’t be from you.

- No, indeed. My agency managers usually handle that part, especially for the studio. However, that doesn’t stop me from overseeing my apprentices, I assure you. I keep an eye on everything.

They all say that... The one reassuring thing is that I won’t have to deal with him often in that case.

- OK, Lucy murmurs. I think I have my answers.

- Do you need more time to make your decision?

- Actually, yes. We’ll accept the offer if you can work something out regarding the location.

He raises an eyebrow at her request.

- I’ve been following Ona since her first day at school, and I can guarantee you that a change of environment won’t do her any good. She’s built a life here, so for her well-being, if we can negotiate that point, I think it would be perfect.

He sighs softly, running his hand through his hair. This doesn’t seem to suit him. He expected us to accept after he sold us on the position.

- Very well, I’ll get back to you in that case, but I can’t promise anything.

- No problem. The important thing is that you’ll have done your best to solve the issue.

- Do you have any other questions?

- No, I think that’s all.

- Good, then we can conclude here.

- Yes. We won’t take up any more of your time. Have a good day, she says, offering him her hand.

- I’ll walk you out anyway, he says, standing up.

I didn’t open my mouth once during this interview. In a way, that suits me just fine. He walks us to the entrance, where we shake hands.

- Thank you for your hospitality, Lucy says.

- It was a pleasure. We’ll be in touch in a few days.

One last goodbye, and we’re outside. I’m happy to take a deep breath of fresh air. I was starting to feel suffocated.

- Well, that’s that... Lucy murmurs. Do you want a hot chocolate? My treat. We can talk about the interview while we’re at it.

- If you’re being so kind, I can’t say no, I say, making her laugh.

I wasn’t going to tell her, but if I could skip a few hours of school, I was happy. It was clear I’d rather spend time with my friend.

Monday, March 14, 12:00 p.m. - Cafeteria.

Our little outing ended at a small café downtown, where Lucy had a coffee and I had a hot chocolate. I realized that Lucy hadn’t even touched the hot drink she’d ordered during the interview. We had a long discussion about it. Mr. Fields' answers were satisfactory, though Lucy still thinks he’s taking advantage of me. She believes he wants to make me work like low-paid employees. Yet, he’d sold the position to me pretty well. Maybe a little too well... She might be right. She explained that she’d already fallen victim to one of those companies before and doesn’t want the same thing to happen to me. I agreed. It was, after all, my only response. It would be foolish not to wait for the other offers now. So, we agreed to wait before giving an answer. Lucy plans to ask Beth for her opinion and to put some pressure on her to use her connections. I don’t like doing that, but at this point, I had no choice. Mr. Fields was right when he said I applied late... I might not get many positive responses, and that thought is starting to scare me. We went back to school afterward. We arrived at 11:30. Lucy didn’t push me to return to class. She wanted me to have lunch with her, but I declined the invitation. Meals are the only time I’m sure to be with my friends, so if I took that away from them, it wouldn’t go over well. She understood and let me spend my half-hour working in her office. I managed to finish my homework and I think I’ll skip my revisions tonight. It’s good to take breaks sometimes.

- Oh, you’re already back?

- Hey, I greet Alexia, whom I was waiting for at the cafeteria. Yeah. We got back half an hour ago.

- Cool! So, how did it go?

- Meh... I’ll explain later, I say as I see our friends approaching.

- OK... she says with a small pout.

- I’ll be around tonight, so we can talk then, I reassure her.

- Really? she says, surprised.

- Yeah. My homework’s done. Plus, Bronze thinks I’m working too much. She says I look tired. She wants me to take it easy.

She’s not wrong... We’ve barely seen you these past two weeks.

I shrug. Losing myself in my revisions allows me to forget everything else, in a way. It’s an escape like any other. Knowing Lucy, she must have realized it’s becoming an obsession.

- You’re not going to start, right? I replied with amusement.

- Oh no, she said, raising her hands in surrender. I said it, but I’m not saying anything.

- Of course, I chuckled. Anyway, I just wanted to say I’ll be there tonight.

- Really? Alessia, who I noticed was on my other side, asked. And what about your interview? It was super long, wasn’t it? You’ve got a morning to catch up on now. But be happy, you missed a surprise test from Johnson. He was upset because no one informed him about your absence after you left during second period. I think he wanted you to take the test.

I groaned in frustration. Johnson was the least of my worries right now. I hadn’t thought about the catch-up work. Skipping three hours of class had been nice until then.

- Damn, I cursed. Do I have a lot to catch up on?

- No, don’t worry. We got a lot of handouts, so I took them for you. I even got ahead a bit for you while I was at it. That way, you won’t try to dodge us tonight.

She nudged me with her shoulder, laughing. I smiled, picking up my tray to follow Ale to our table.

- That thought hadn’t even crossed my mind, you know, I joked. Thanks anyway, that’s really kind of you, I said. Do you think I’ll have to make up the test? What was it on, by the way?

- I don’t think so. It was on the last lesson. He felt like a lot of people were distracted recently, so he wanted to put everyone back in line. It was on those charts. You know what I mean, right? I think you understood it.

- Yes, yes.

- Well, look at you, becoming a pro, Ale teased.

- I wish, I sighed. I’m still far from it, unfortunately.

- Don’t say that. You’re doing really well.

- It’s only thanks to my revisions and Bronze’s help, otherwise, I’d be drowning.

It feels strange to say my girlfriend’s name. It’s like I have to think twice before speaking. Even though a lot of people already know, I wouldn’t want everyone at the table to find out. That would be quite dramatic, almost scandalous.

- Oh right, Alessia continues. We also got the date for the field trip after you left. Bronze didn’t tell you?

- Uh, no, I frowned. When is it?

- Next Thursday. The questionnaire he gave us is due by Monday at the latest.

I let out a heavy sigh. What a great time to hand out a questionnaire like that. We’re already so overwhelmed. We’ve got six weeks left, which means three before the next break. We received our exam schedule and convocations last week. Our exams will take place at the end of May. That’s why I’m putting so much pressure on myself. The serious stuff is finally happening. We’re in the final stretch, and it’s terrifying. If I fail, all my efforts will have been for nothing.

- Great, I muttered.

- Oh, come on, it’s not that bad. I took a look at it, and it’s mostly general questions about the company. There are also two or three management questions. Anderson said those would be the points discussed during the trip, so it’s important to fill it out properly.

I nodded, my mind elsewhere. Come on, just a few more weeks to get through... There’s so much pressure. Not to mention the anxiety about my future. What a mess! I really hope I can hold on until then because I’m slowly starting to feel overwhelmed. If there’s one thing I’ve gotten used to this year, it’s the stability Lucy has brought into my life, and I’m determined to do whatever it takes to keep it.

#woso #lucy bronze #woso community #ona batlle #woso soccer #barca femeni #lionesses #sefutbol fem #ona batlle x lucy bronze

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sp00kymulderr · 1 year ago

Text

part 3 - Afterburn

series masterlist

Pairing: Joel Miller x afab reader (no pronouns)

Warnings: 18+, cursing, details of grief, survivors guilt, dealing with emotions badly, reader is dealing with death of a loved one, general sadness, kissing, m masturbation, premature ejaculation, oral (f receiving), fingering (f receiving). Please let me know if I missed any.

Word Count: 5.6k

Summary: “Do you remember what it’s like to be happy?”

A/N: I'm sorry it's taken so long to post. I'm really proud of this one. If you like it please please comment and/or reblog. To follow for fic updates only go to @sp00kyupdates or see taglist details on my masterlist. Credit to banner/divider maker.

Joel is not the same after you return from your short shower. Your packs are waiting for you at the bottom of the stairs as he stands by the door scanning the horizon, an impatient tut leaves him.

“We gotta go, you ready?” He grunts, not even bothering to look at you.

“Joel c’mon…” You respond, your voice a little hoarse.

“Just-” Joel snaps and then sighs, finishing the rest of the sentence in a slightly softer tone “Grab your stuff. Put on your boots”

He shoulders his pack and walks out the door, waiting on the porch. You mutter your frustration. He isn’t being fair and you’re pretty sure he knows it too. You want to understand why this is such a bad thing - the two of you - but he doesn’t seem to want to even acknowledge what happened.

You sit on the sagging couch and look once more around the old house. It’s always difficult to come to these places, but somehow it’s also difficult to leave them. Someone lived here, someone loved here, someone was happy here once – you hope at least. You look around the dusty living room once more and contemplate, as you always do. What has this place seen, what kind of people called it a home? What secrets does it keep?

Those thoughts bring you to your own home too, where you’d been until the outbreak. You’d never gone back but you’d often thought of returning, seeing if anything of your old life still existed. Since you’d lost your last connection to your past.

You shake your head and pull on the new boots lacing them tight, ready to put them to the test at least. Joel is waiting for you outside when you finally make your way to him and he’s already walking, apparently sure of the direction.

You follow in silence for a while. Your feet don’t hurt as bad as before and you’re grateful for that.

“Did you ever go home, Joel?” You ask eventually, hesitant.

“Huh?” he’s only half listening to you, looking around for any signs of imminent threat.

“You ever go back to your old home?”

“No” is all he says.

You leave it at that.

The last thing Joel wants to think about is home. Home is where his broken heart is. He’d never go back there, he’d pull the memory completely from his head if he could.

There’s a lot of memories he wishes he didn’t have to have.

And now he has a new one; his head feels so all over the place because of you and your lips, your warmth, the disquieting solace he found in you. He knows he shouldn’t punish you for any of it; for what happened, for how he feels, for how he doesn’t understand his feelings. But he’s already punishing himself for everything else that’s ever happened, so you’ll have to take the brunt of this mistake.

And it was a mistake, he knows that. You don’t want him the way you think you do. He’s sure of it. It’s not about anything more than forgetting for you, for finding some distraction from your pain. He knows it too well. He’s been there. He’s still there in a way but at least after all these years he knows better than to chase that feeling. He has to keep away, help you know better too.

“Keep up” He mutters as he looks back at you, and he knows he sounds harsh but he can’t stop himself.

That deceitful monster in him wants more. He feels it. He won’t give in to it.

When you were younger you used to run free and happy in the green garden outside your house. You would spend all your time outside, climbing trees, scaling rocks, swimming in the lake by the forest. You had a treehouse in the garden and you'd climb up to it every summer night and watch the world from up there, free and happy and something more.

Alive in more ways than just surviving.

She'd been with you even then, you'd share secrets and tell stories cuddled up in your sleeping bags in the treehouse at night together. You lived for those moments when you and your best friend would live in your own world and everything else was just background noise.

Now you're climbing trees and scaling rocks but not for the same reasons the innocent child of your past would. You have to scope out the land, find a good place to stop. Joel helps boost you up to a branch so you can climb, to check out some noise in the distance of the forest, and when you snag your shirt on a twig you have this pang of gut-wrenching muscle memory of that time she fell from the treehouse and you thought for a moment of blind panic that you'd lost her.

You hate that every single thing reminds you of her. You despise the memories for making you misty eyed and weak. The more Joel ignores you as the time goes on, the worse it gets. The more you remember, the more everything reminds you of your dead best friend and the lives you'd lost to this world of horrors. Your life next, you know. That’s all there is now.

Just you.

And Joel.

Joel, who was pulling away more and more with every passing second. His hesitant gaze on you lands regretful and forlorn.

Eventually up in the tree you're able to see far enough to know there's a camp of people further down the forest, so when you’re back down Joel decides on a detour that leads you both far in the opposite direction not wanting to take any risks. Your new boots are finally starting to rub after hours and hours of walking - nothing good lasts forever. You wonder if the person they belonged to before you ever got to wear them, if you shared the pain of blisters from the same shoes. If the people in that house used to go hiking in this vast forest every weekend. You wonder if they are dead now too, or just trying desperately to survive. Are they trying to make it back to their home, to find the memories they’d left behind?

You'd go home. You would. If you ever could. It's too far now, too dangerous and too much to ever think you could make it there. Besides, what would you do when you got there? Hope you had anything of yours left? Let yourself drown in the pain of distant memories, of things you knew you’d never get back? But there were things, all these trinkets you wanted to hold to your heart now you have nothing else. Photos; pictures printed and framed or posted on your walls with sticky tack since you were a teenager. Family and friends and pets and all the things you have lost. The things you’d never, ever get back.

The silence consumes you and you think you’d rather wallow in your grief and misery back at the place where you were once happy, instead of being here where your longing and guilt are driving you to insanity with every ticking second. You miss talking, you miss having a friend. She was everything you ever needed in life, she was the only thing that had made you happy in the years since the world ended. You need that, and you know Joel won’t give you any of the things you need. He doesn’t want to know you any more than he has now. You can’t see past his actions back at the house and he can’t see you in any way other than shamefully anymore.

You don’t even know what to say to him now. So you just walk, and ignore the aching and misery consuming you whole.

It’s a few hours later and your feet are starting to bleed through your socks, because all good things must come to an end in this empty horror of a world. Joel finally decides it’s time to stop and make camp. It’s getting dark after all and there’s the opportunity for cover while you’re still under the protection of the vast forest - you’re nearly at the edge now.

“This should work” he mutters more to himself than you as he looks over the spot you’ve stopped at.

He briefly glances at you and it’s nothing but it’s more than he’s given you in hours so it makes you feel a little glint of that spark from before again. What if you just kissed him again, the way he let you before? Would he stop you? You know he likely would, but it doesn’t stop you wanting to try.

Like he knows, he’s stepping further from you acting like he’s inspecting the site he’s picked. There’s nothing to inspect - it’s a patch of mossy forest floor with a large rock on one side and what looks like an ancient tree on the other. You watch him momentarily and feel that misery all over. Touch would solve it all. His touch would solve everything just like it did before. The darkness above the trees could hold a secret if he could just give you something, a tiny thing to keep your sadness at bay.

And yet you are both wordless as you set up the small camp; no fire - that would potentially draw attention and the woods are never an entirely safe place to be - just your sleeping bags set up with an arm's length between the two like he’s worried you’ll somehow get the wrong idea if he gives you even the possibility of touching him again.

“Here” He mutters when you’re both sitting down and you almost laugh with the ridiculousness of how hard he’s trying to not even give you his gaze anymore. He hands you some of the jerky that’s been wrapped in his pack for a while. It’s dry and hard.

“We got all that stuff from the house”

“Gonna split it, when we…” He mutters without finishing his sentence.

“Oh”

When we go our separate ways. That’s what he meant and he doesn’t have to say it. He’s gonna leave you. Leave you completely alone.

“You know where you’re gonna go?” Joel asks and maybe there’s the hint of guilt in his voice but more likely you’re imagining it.

Tears prick hot in your eyes and you try to blink them away. All this time you’d done so well at not letting him see you cry; the tears from your loss and your grief had only once fallen in his sight and now you were feeling them fall down your cheeks right in front of him all because he was finally sending you on your way.

Stupid. You’re so stupid. It was only ever temporary and he’d made it so clear he didn’t want anything from you. He was just doing a sad, lost person a momentary favor but you’d lost sight of that completely after these last couple days. The way he had kissed you…the way you know it would’ve gone further yesterday if there hadn’t been an interruption…but none of it means a thing in the wake of his words.

He’s looking at you now. Of course this would be the moment he finally decides to turn those beautiful eyes back on you - you can feel the weight of his gaze on your face and you want it to be dark and lustful like before but when you look over at him he’s frowning. You sniffle and clear your throat, and finally give him an answer.

“I- I want to go home” You say so sadly and his brow knits in confusion for a moment before he understands.

“You think that’s a good idea?” Joel sounds more judgemental than he probably means to. He’s still watching you, but he never addresses the tears that are silently falling from your sad eyes.

You shake your head and sigh. Chewing on the last of the jerky for a bit and it makes you feel sick. His gaze burns you now, like it’s melting through the cold of him ignoring you all day and scorching at your flesh. Why won’t he stop staring? Why suddenly is he so intent on giving you all this attention? Does he just pity you that much?

He’s still eating slowly when you lie down on your sleeping bag, staring up at the trees and the night sky just above them. You’d spent nights like this watching the stars before - your heart pangs at the memory and you feel bile rise up in your throat for a moment before you screw your eyes shut tight enough to see the dance of colourful light behind your lids.

“Do you remember what it’s like to be happy?” Your voice is a whisper, it shakes as you shove that memory back down.

You open your eyes and turn your head in time to see Joel's sudden pained look and the shake of his head. You can feel the misery around him like it’s an aura. That only makes your heart hurt more. Damn it, why does he have to make you feel more? It’s always those eyes; he can make himself as hard and distant as he wants but his beautiful brown eyes betray him every single time

“Yeah. Well, I do. I remember. I remember living” If it wasn’t clear you were crying before it’s obvious you are now, you sniffle and wipe tears that race from the corners of your eyes into your hair.

Joel remains quiet for a while after that. Perhaps he just doesn’t know what to say, or perhaps he’s trying not to comfort you. The trees above the two of you wave gently in a breeze that rushes quietly through the forest, and the stars above them shine like they always have - unchanged by the death of this world and the screaming of your souls. Between you and Joel there is a blanket of grief and despair and both of you seem to be wrapping yourselves tighter in it at every turn.

Eventually he clears his throat and there’s a slight shift in Joel’s body, angling more towards you. It makes you bolder - like before - and you reach your hand between your two sleeping bags. Just lay it there between the two of you.

“I don’t want to remember, Joel. Not right now. I just want to feel something else”

He rubs his watering eyes and sighs deeply. He is wavering, you can tell. He’s holding back but there’s the twitch of his hands as he looks at you lying there and he slowly reaches out - rough, calloused and warm hand encompassing yours slowly. He lets out a long breath.

“It’s not gonna help. I- I’m not gonna help you like you need. Nothing’s that simple. I should know…”

“You’re scared”

“Maybe” Joel shrugs.

His hand holds yours a little tighter. You’re still crying silent tears that glisten on your face in the starlight.

“Don’t you feel alone? Don’t you just feel so fucking alone all the time? Why do we have to feel alone, when we’re here together?” You’re actually pleading now. It’s pathetic really but you just need the incessant heartache to stop for even a moment.

Joel hums low and gives you a long stare. His eyes soften more. There’s a shred more sympathy than there has been and it’s enough for your body to ignite with that burning hope just like last time.

“Fuck” He mutters, and then “Come here” and he is letting go of your hand and laying on his side on the sleeping bag, it seems reluctant but he’s inviting you to him and you’re almost embarrassed when you move in a heartbeat and close that gap between you and him.

Your breath catches when you lie beside him on your side and his body curls around yours, his arm over you and he holds your hand again. He’s warm like a comforting blanket - it feels almost like he’s protecting you the way he holds you close. It’s the closest you’ve ever been; even when he’d kissed you, when he’d touched you he’d kept a distance. You had never gotten to feel all of his body against you like this. Only in your hopeless dreaming. His breath tickles on the back of your neck and the warmth of it lingers, his heart beating steady where his chest presses against your back. He lets out a nearly silent sigh that makes you think he’s feeling the same thing as you.

You are not alone.

For a while it’s nothing, and Joel starts to think you’re sleeping. Your breathing is steady just like his and those sweet little sighs could just be the slumber taking hold. You don’t move and he’s so afraid to make even the slightest change to the position lest he starts you on that downward spiral again.

He knows it’s a mistake. Such a big mistake to let you feel close to him. It is only going to make everything worse in the long run but your words ring so true in his mind - he has been so damn alone. Ever since…for too long. He’s been alone. You draw him in like a magnet; a strange and shameful comfort that he’s denied himself all these years.

Maybe it’ll be fine. Maybe it’ll just be this, nothing more and nothing less. No guilt. No attachment. Maybe you’ll leave willingly and he’ll never once think about this moment again and neither will you. Maybe.

He murmurs your name softly and buries his face against your neck. He just wants to feel. Something. It’s wrong. He’s leading you on. But he wants to escape his loneliness just as much as you want to escape your pain.

He hears the smallest moan escape you like a breath and it makes him tighten his arm around you a little, because it brings him back to what happened before. How he’d touched you, how he’d felt you. There’s a stirring in him at the memory. You both feel it.

Joel knows you’re not asleep now, your breathing is less steady and your hand squeezes his a little.

“Don’t let me feel alone” You murmur and fuck Joel wants to let that base part of himself take control all over again.

He hesitates but only for a second.

“I won’t”

And then he’s turning your head, and he’s kissing you.

There’s a moment of guilt that rises from your chest slowly, but it’s gone again the moment your lips meet his.

It's not like the first kiss. It's not even like the kisses in the kitchen when he'd pressed you up against the fridge and touched you. It's not like any kiss you've ever felt; it's urgent and desperate but not forceful or rough - there's a subtle tenderness behind it like he's really genuinely trying to give you that feeling of togetherness you crave so much.

It makes your mind go blank after a moment, when you feel his tongue and he’s asking for a permission which you grant without a moment of hesitation. It makes you forget where you are, who you are, what you've been through.

He's good at that. Making you forget.

He's good at it all.

He kisses you harder when you open your mouth to him and it turns from tender to intense. It becomes more. More and more of him and you and it's what you've thought about all day. Like he really wants you. You're still on your side with your head turned and him over you, your back pressed against his chest and his subtle shift of hips against your ass makes your breath hitch.

Oh, he wants you. And you want him.

And what else matters?

“Joel…” you whimper. Sickly sweet and full of urgency.

“Yeah, I know,” He says.

There’s something else there, something you don’t want to hear. Something he doesn’t want to share. He shakes it away in a moment of a blink. He’s well versed in brushing away those moments. You need to learn it from him.

“I know” He says again, and he kisses you once more. Your lips lock in a moment that fans the flames that have been burning all this time; these weeks the two of you have been traveling together, these moments you have been sharing that are more than just moments. He stokes the coals of your desire with his mouth on yours and then down, down. To your cheek, your jaw, he’s over you and pressing you on to your back half on the cold ground as his lips meet your neck and you keen in some kind of desperation to be alight with his touch again.

Your hands traverse the broad expanse of his chest, clinging to the rough fabric of his shirt as he kisses the spot right under your ear that makes your soul leave you for a moment.

“You won’t stop this time?” You ponder, looking for a promise

“No”.

Simple, straight. Joel. He needs it. You know it’s been a while, you can tell by the way his hot mouth latches on to your soft flesh as he ruts against you like he’s already chasing a release he’s waited too long for.

“Doesn’t mean anythin’, right?”

“Doesn’t mean anything,” you repeat.

He means it. Do you?

“Fuck” He groans, deep and guttural when your wandering hands reach lower. It’s all so urgent. There’s no moment for softness. It’s lustful and intentional and greedy. Teeth and nails and need. No moment to waste as your nimble fingers find the opening of his faded jeans and make their way inside.

He’s still exploring with demanding grunts of appreciation at the taste of your skin. He’d liked it before. He likes it more now, after the long day of toil. You’re intoxicating in all the ways he never knew how to resist.

You think he feels the same as you. It’s been so long. You can’t remember the last time you felt such intimate touch, before Joel. It’s more addicting now than it ever was back then as his fingertips dance with burning brushes against the skin under your shirt.

There are no memories. No pain. No distant threat. No trees. No breeze. No stars. Just him and you in this blank space you have created for yourselves - outside of time and reality. It is a kiss that takes away life, that takes away loneliness. His touch breathes hope into you that you’d only ever felt with…no. It’s just him and you and nothing else.

Just that.

Your fingers trace down, past where buttons are undone and the zipper is open. You touch him, a slight squeeze that makes his breath hitch so damn gorgeously you feel it in your core.

He’s big. God, he’s big and he’s hard and it’s for you. It’s for you.

He breathes out and grits his teeth as you feel him, he has to stop kissing you for a moment as you ease his pants down and free his hardened length from its confines. He’s not gonna tell you to stop. Neither of you are going to end this until it has to be ended, you know that when you look in his eyes and they are dazed with lust and desire that he’s been holding back for too long.

There’s no call for modesty here in this darkened patch of forest floor where the only sounds are the rustle of leaves and your panting breaths. He watches you with a knitted brow trying so goddamn hard to hold on to at least a bit of himself when you lewdly spit into your hand and wrap it around his thick length.

“Shit” Joel grits his teeth, pressing his forehead against your shoulder. He murmurs your name. It’s never sounded as good as it does when spoken by him like that. Your hand moves, thumb swiping his leaking tip to smear on him. He feels good in your hand, heavy and smooth and he’s already shaking.

“I…sweetheart, I can’t…”

“Yeah, you can” You shush him with your lips against his, oddly soft and caring in this moment of heady lust.

“No I mean it’s…fuck” Joel pants out, his voice a gruff whisper that tickles your skin and makes you clench “Haven’t had- I can’t fu-” words tumble from his lips to the side of your neck as he devolves into mumbles you can’t quite make out. He trembles and bites back a loud groan, before spilling warm and sticky onto your fingers.

“Sorry” He murmurs with heavy breath and it’s the sweetest fucking thing in the world from this man who has been pushing you away for what feels like eternity.

Ah, you make sense of the words now.

“Haven’t had anyone touch you in a while?” You say, biting your lip as you look at him - he takes your breath away as the moonlight catches on the glint of his eyes, the trickle of sweat down his brow. His eyes are big and brown and there’s an apology in them that you don’t need.

“It’s okay. It’s okay” You assure with a soft smile. You kiss him, a sweet peck on the lips which he returns with another. It feels almost too intimate and you know you’re falling to somewhere you can’t crawl out of.

For a beat there’s a silence; Joel zips his fly and is catching his breath after his release whilst you drag your lips from his and down to his chin then his jaw. Drowning in the scent and taste of him. He is like nothing you’ve ever known and you want to be devoured by his presence.

You’re making do with wiping your hand off on your trousers when he moves you, pressing you down on to your back fully. There’s a hunger in him. He is starved and he craves. You shiver at that; he can slip from one moment to another like a changeling. His demeanour seems to shift with the wind.

“Gonna make it up to you, darlin’” He whispers with a dark desire as he goes back to kissing your neck and his hand moves down your body and to the button of your pants. Your mind flashes back to before - the way he’d made you shake back in the house - and your cunt throbs with need for that again. For him to take away your mind and your breath and your sanity if he wants.

You need him in ways you cannot fathom.

“Oh god” You moan as he cups you through your underwear, mouth still attacking the curve where your neck meets your shoulder.

You’re ready to feel that way again. And you’re about to beg him not to tease you when he pulls his hand away and detaches from your neck.

“Joel” the whine is so needy you should be embarrassed but you’re not capable of feeling that at the moment.

He shushes you softly and finishes unfastening your jeans, as he kneels between your legs. And then he’s taking them off; your jeans and underwear pulled down to your ankles and off, tossed to the side. He’s a man on a mission, and he licks his lips as he nudges your legs apart further and looks down at you.

Fuck. You might come from the sight alone. God…is he going to…

Joels calloused hands slide up your thighs and to your lower stomach and he settles himself right between your spread legs. You can’t look at him down there like that.

“This okay?” He asks, holding on to your thigh with one large hand while the other slips up under your shirt to palm at your warm skin.

You have to let out a huffed laugh at that. It’s definitely okay. It’s more than okay.

“Mhm” You answer, lips pressed together and you look up at the stars instead of the beautiful man currently kissing your inner thigh. Before he had wanted nothing to do with you and now he seems to want everything with you, you’d have whiplash if your brain wasn’t slowly melting out of your ear at the feel of his lips dragging higher.

He’s taking it so. So slow. Palming your breast now and kissing the other thigh You’re going to combust and be left nothing but a pile of embers if he keeps this up. You need so deeply that it hurts.

You card your fingers through his hair. It’s surprisingly soft and the sensation adds to the tension in you. He grunts as you give a little tug, but you think he gets the message without you having to use your words, your words probably wouldn’t make sense in this moment.

“Oh!” you gasp.

Yes, he proves that he got the message loud and clear as he’s parting you with his tongue and licking a stripe that ends at your clit and makes your eyes roll back. He’s good.

He tastes you and moans deep at it. His tongue swipes again against your clit and your grip in his hair tightens a bit again but he doesn’t seem to mind or even notice as he explores and delves deeper. He swirls against your entrance, and then presses in for a moment and you’re going to lose it completely.

The noise of your whines and whimpers increase, a muffled cry against your hand as he moves up again and sucks against your clit with a softness which quickly becomes much more fervent when you respond well. You buck your hips against his face, so he holds one strong arm across you as he continues to alternate between using his tongue and his mouth to bring you closer.

Your mind is all but scrambled with the way you feel. You haven’t had anything like this in so long and he’s fulfilling needs you had almost forgotten you had. He’s not just giving you pleasure, he’s giving you back something you thought you’d lost. He’s making you feel on fire in every way possible; burning skin on burning skin, scorching heat between your legs and deep in your belly.

You're winding, tightening, as he continues. He delves a thick finger in to you and then another as he focuses his mouth on your sensitive bud, listening to the sounds of your heavy breath and knowing he’s doing right.

“Joel…Joel you’re…yes, like that…” You moan too loud, Joel grunts against you with a light slap to the thigh. Keep it down. Even now he’s aware, does he ever really let himself go fully?

Right, you’re out in the open. It feels like you’re in a world of just you and him…you have to try and keep some kind of sanity as he makes you see the stars behind your lids. It’s almost impossible, biting your lip to try and quiet yourself.

It’s…it’s incredible. The way his tongue moves. The crook of his fingers inside you. The pressure in you when he purses his lips around your clit. Your body is too hot, alive, more alive than you’ve felt in weeks. Too alive, all at once.

“Oh god…I’m…it’s….please…” babbles of incoherence which earn you a pinch to your skin, but he doesn’t let up on his ministrations. He doesn’t give you a chance to calm down.

Suddenly, your body ignites as the tight coil in your stomach snaps and it’s like there’s no yesterday, no tomorrow. You writhe, hips bucking, Joel holding you down and continuing until the very last moment of your orgasm. You’ve come before, of course, even if not with a partner in a while you’ve known this feeling many times and yet it’s like something you’ve never fully had before. He’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced before.

Fuck, your eyes are shut tight as you ride out the waves. Little aftershocks that make your body shiver. You can feel him - a final kiss to your clit, another to your inner right thigh and then he’s raising up, moving away from you and you can hear him catching his own breath like he nearly drowned in you.

“Jesus” You groan, limp and a mess. He breathes out a quiet, pleased laugh and you finally open your eyes and try to adjust them to see his face again.

He’s looking at you. He’s all lines and splotches and coloured lights but he’s looking at you with something like a smile.

Everything is blurred.

The lines are blurred. What does it mean? What does that soft kiss he places against your lips now actually mean? You feel sluggish from the climax but somehow your mind is racing still despite it. The lines are so damn blurred and it’s going to make you crazy, it’s going to make you lose it all.

“Alright?” He asks softly as he helps you put on your underwear and jeans again. Where did all his uncaring gruffness go? When will it come back and how will you live when it does?

“y-yeah…I think…yeah” You mutter dumbly. “Joel, I-”

Whatever you were going to say is cut off. He lays beside you again, arm going right around you pulling you flush against his chest. Your heart won't stop racing.

“You still feel alone?” Joel whispers in a deep grumble against your ear. You can feel it come from his chest. You shudder helplessly.

You shake your head. There’s a feeling of exhaustion from the day's movement settling in and you succumb to it swiftly, resting your head down on him and letting your breathing match to his. Letting him take you over completely.

No, you’re not lonely.

This fate is worse than loneliness.

#Joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #pedro pascal character fiction #pedrostories #our house of flames #this is actually the longest fic I've written which is know is pathetic but uh wow go me #gideon writes

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allbluedepths · 1 year ago

Text

Started wondering about how Beckmann views/interacts with Mihawk post him stopping dueling Shanks and the fallout around that. Because while I think they'd at least have an neutral-to-mutual-respect relationship during Shanks and Mihawk's dueling years, I think things would be a bit different after that, with Beckmann being protective over Shanks' well-being once Shanks and Mihawk begin to be in real contact again.

(read more because this got a bit out of hand haha)

My personal headcanon is that Mihawk stopped coming around for a good while after they officially stopped dueling. Shanks understood that Mihawk was upset (though not fully why), but he still thought Mihawk would visit. So when he doesn’t… yeah, he doesn’t take it well. The majority of the crew never realizes something’s up, but Beckmann very much bears the brunt of it because the captain is his responsibility. So, once it becomes evident Mihawk may be reconnecting with his captain, Beckmann makes it abundantly clear that Mihawk does not get to waltz back in if he’s just going to leave again and send Shanks spiraling once more.

(Because it isn’t just Shanks spiraling; it’s Shanks fooling everyone else that he’s okay but falling apart in his cabin at night. And it’s Beckmann who’s dragging him out of whatever bottle he’s found and making sure he gets to bed instead of reminiscing and staring out over the waves for someone who won't return. Because Mihawk is the closest thing Shanks has had to a real relationship — and now, a real breakup — and it’s ugly, and awful, and while Mihawk is allowed to leave, Beckmann is the one that chose to stay and do his damndest to put Shanks back together.)

For the record, Beckmann doesn't think Shanks is innocent in all this; he's known him since he was a teenager, and he's incredibly aware of how poor of a communicator he can be. But in this case, Beckmann understands just why he'd give up so much for Luffy and is frustrated that it doesn't seem like Mihawk is even trying to understand. He knows he can't fully wrap his head around the importance of their duels and everything that their complicated, intertwined relationship is, but again, he's the one picking up the pieces here.

So no, Beckmann isn't going to say Mihawk shouldn't stay for a drink. But he is going to make it abundantly clear that his captain has lost enough people already in his life, over and over and over, and Shanks doesn't need yet another ghost to haunt him.

(Mihawk just nods and walks away, not out of disagreement, but because he isn't the type to hold words over actions. And he definitely needs to ruminate over what Beckmann said for a while because he never knew things got that bad. Beckmann and him might not be best friends, but he does respect Beckmann's place as Shanks' first mate and his duty to protect him.)

I do think things would slowly improve as Shanks and Mihawk repair their relationship, so this isn't a super angsty headcanon. But I would say there'd eventually be a sentiment of "you earned your second chance after all" versus "you defend him better than anyone else could" — though they'd never say it out loud or that directly, haha.

TL;DR I really love captain and first mate dynamics and how those interact with other relationships. : )

#this was written fairly platonic but benn/shanks shippers feel free to equally go ham #one piece #mishanks #dracule mihawk #red haired shanks #benn beckman #akagami no shanks #takanome mihawk #benn beckmann #headcanons #also i have no idea if it's beckman or beckmann so sorry i keep seeing both haha

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ambrosialdesire · 2 years ago

Text

cacoëthes

[ PART ONE ] [ PART TWO ] [ PART THREE ]

18+ DARK CONTENT BELOW, MINORS + BLANK BLOGS DNI

pairing: s4 reiner x fem!reader word count: 6.7k warnings + tags: general yandere and obsessive themes, unhealthy relationships, stalking, kidnapping mention, vomit mentions (nonsexual cause), gore/violence, slight misogyny, kinda aot spoilers if you haven't watched it before, all characters are 18+ synopsis: reiner has always kept his eyes on you ever since the two of you were still trainees. he's sorry for many things that he's done in his cursed life but he was never sorry for loving you. you loved him as only a friend and perhaps family, but your relationship with the bulky blond is not everything what it seems on the surface. not to him at least. a/n: tbh i just thought of this up as i reminisced on old middle school memories recently, i was a big s1 aot fan back in the day and just got back into it bc of one of my friends. i recently got a mad crush on reiner that i didn't have before and that same friend is dealing with the brunt of it lol this might be ooc since i haven't written any aot characters in years + they have slightly different personalities from back then. if this gets enough support (likes and reblogs), the second part will be posted as soon as possible! even if it doesn't, i'm still gonna be posting it anyways part one is just like a recap of reiner and the reader's relationship, there's nothing sexual in this part until the other parts. note: please keep in mind of the tags above and do not proceed if triggering or uncomfortable, especially if you are a minor!! do not read my or any other writers' dark content if you are underaged. this is a fictional work and does not reflect irl morals, do not believe this is how a real romance works or functions.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.───

Reiner shouldn't be looking at you.

He should've stopped years ago, this could've all been prevented if he had just pulled his eyes away. Hell, he should've just kept his attention on Krista — no that's not her name now, what was it, Historia? — but he respected Ymir's wishes of betrothing her despite... everything that had happened to the girl. But he didn't and now he was in this hellish predicament.

You were born and raised in Paradis. Titans have destroyed most of humanity and the remnants of them have been living in the walls ever since; that's all you knew compared to the Marley-born warrior. He wished he could be as naïve as the devils that resided in this small island, it would be better to only know that you were the only lifeforms that lived decent lives hiding away from the Titans outside of the walls.

No, he shouldn't be calling you a devil. Fuck, he shouldn't be calling any of what-once-was his friends devils but he couldn't just erase the years of history that has been embedded into his head ever since he could comprehend language. At the same time, they have never done any evils towards him before he revealed the true identities of his group.

He loved his Paradisian friends — he wished he could say that in front of their faces without feeling so much melancholy shame and guilt — he loved serving for his country, he loved his family. But most importantly, he loves you.

It was an accidental captivation from a single hand-to-hand combat training session, where the 104th trainees were once unaware of the kind of future ahead of them. You were unfairly set against Reiner, Instructor Shadis even knew that but still made you two spar. You were shorter than him — most Paradis people were — and weaker, not just because you were a girl. He didn't notice you back then, there was nothing that the man thought at a first glance was interesting about you.

Nothing at all.

You were barely any threat despite being a devil, a lowly sheep in the den of a vicious lion.

You put your arms up in a defensive position anyways, shifting the weight on your feet. Your small fists were balled up tightly, as if you were going to actually do some damage with them. You knew that you couldn't beat him in pure strength but you readied yourself regardless, eyes glinting in determination. He held up his fists, a small yet confident smirk growing on his face. This was going to be a simple win.

"Don't go easy on me Braun."

"I have no intentions to L/N."

He remembered how quickly you dashed towards him, not fast enough that it rivals Annie's or Mikasa's speed, but fast enough for him to be caught off guard for a good second. He watched you bend down low, trying to get a low sweep on him. He had enough training back home to know how to avoid this kind of attack. Reiner jumped back, believing to have narrowly missed your foot and prepared himself to counter-attack.

But he could have never expected being tackled by the leg down, his back colliding into the dirt. All the air escaped his lungs as he felt you scramble to pin him down, a large grin plastered on your face.

"Aw Braun, I appreciate you going easy on me but really? I expected a big guy like you to try harder."

He bit back his tongue from saying anything in reply, watching you stand and dust off your uniform, still wearing that proud smirk. As he finally managed to collect his bearings, he asked you a question.

"Where'd you learn that move?"

"Leonhart." As to be expected of the Female Titan inheritor but he didn't expect her giving out sparring tips to anyone, especially Paradisians. You outstretched your hand towards him, waiting for him to take it.

"Y'know anything else from her?" He questioned, grabbing your hand as you lifted him up.

You pondered a bit, exaggerating your expression as you pretended to think about it, and finally answered him.

"Maybe, but I'll only reveal them to you if you actually put more effort into our sparring. I'm not a frail little girl y'know."

Reiner heftily laughed as you slapped his arm, walking away to resume your defensive stance. The two of you continued to spar, both of you counting down individual wins; it came down to a score of fifteen-ten, he won the whole thing but that didn't seem to falter your smile. You were simply ecstatic that he didn't supposedly pull back his punches, though he did quietly fret over the bruises that bloomed overnight on your face and arms the next day.

Bertolt noticed his staring problem immediately a few weeks after. Rather than looking at Krista per usual and daydreaming about marrying her, he was looking at you chowing down your meal next to Connie and Sasha. He whispered to him that what he's doing should cease immediately but he insisted that it would not interfere with their original mission. You were an enigma that he wanted to solve, that's all.

He swore to him that he had good intentions — that he was truly observing the kinds of enemies they were facing — but now he's not quite sure that they even stayed good to begin with.

Through his many inconspicuous observations, Reiner had found out that nothing seemed to pull that grin down on your face. Whether it be the instructors yelling out insults and commands, the rain pelting down on them during group training, or when it seemed like a rough day for every trainee, the smile you bore never faltered. It was somewhat confusing to him. How could you be so cheerful in this kind of world?

You preferred to hum during chores, the song never being the same each time he honed in from listening in on you. He gave up trying to memorize anything you hummed after the fifth one or so. He then noticed that on occasion when no one was around, you'd pick up the dandelions that grew in the small patches of grass of the camp, braiding them into small rings and wearing them until they fell apart. Reiner managed to pocket one when you accidentally dropped it, not noticing that it was gone. His good luck charm, as he liked to call it.

You liked to help others before focusing on yourself, taking on other people’s chores or taking the blame for things that weren't originally your fault. Reiner thought you were being too nice for your own good. You didn’t fit the type of person that was being used to other people’s advantages but you never seemed to mind.

You weren’t quite the evil Eldian he believed you to be, rather he considered you a fallen angel amongst the devils, led astray from the path you were presumed to take. Perhaps he can make you repent like he was trying to do back home, there was proof that you were worthy to be considered a Marleyan.

And that was the start of it, he knew he should've stopped there once he started to believe you’d be a perfect fit for Marley.

All this constant watching and being everywhere that you were at. Watching your every move and reaction. Taking things of yours that he shouldn't be taking.

Reiner was starting to believe that you were more than what you were leading on, his heart already knowing where his stance was on the subject.

Marriage didn’t seem bad, tying you down to him with a pretty golden band and children… wait, no. The two of you were still young and you were most definitely his enemy… right? But further down in the future… yeah, there's a possibility. A slim one, but one nonetheless.

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

You had begun to take notice of Reiner's staring. There was always such a strange feeling of being watched and you finally had the guts to look around, seeing your old sparring partner just... there. Watching. It was always awkward whenever the two of you accidentally locked eyes, you having to be the first one that breaks contact. Reiner wasn’t a bad guy — from what you knew — but the way he just gazes at you, it gave you the creeps.

You asked Krista once if he seemed off, overhearing whispers among the other trainees of him liking her. Not that you were big on eavesdropping, you simply couldn't help it. She said that there was nothing wrong, maybe he’s just daydreaming and it just happens to be that he’s looking directly at you.

Bullshit, you had once bitterly thought. You wanted to tell him off but Bertolt managed to always drag him away before you could really confront him, so you eventually had forgotten about it.

But there was one thing that you couldn't forget when his friend pulled him away. It was the quick yet intense glare he bore when he glanced back at you. You had nothing against the guy, he may always be skittish, but you never felt like he was a bad person either.

So why did he have to look at you like that?

"Why did you decide to join?"

You jumped, almost tipping the bucket of water you had in your hands. Turning around, you squinted your eyes in the torch-lit night, slowly meeting the gaze of Reiner. Ah, so he finally decided to talk to you.

"A hello first would've been nice. Besides, why do you want to know Braun?" You questioned, placing the water-filled pail down so you wouldn't accidentally spill it on yourself or him.

"Guess you could say it's plain ol' curiosity L/N."

Pulling your lips in a thin line, you zipped it shut with your fingers and shook your head. You weren’t close to the man, hell, the only time you actually spoke to him was the sparring session. Why was he suddenly so interested in you?

“So you won’t say anything about it?” He frowned, putting one of his hands in his pants pocket.

“You have a plethora of answers from the others of what it could be. I could’ve been one of the survivors of the Colossal Titan’s attack. Maybe I’m just looking to join the Military Police for that comfortable life. Perhaps I could be a vengeful orphan just because my family attempted and failed to take back the wall. Whatever the answer could be, it’s all the same for each recruit.” You picked your bucket back up, feeling the liquid slosh around against your arms.

“Is that all you wanted to ask me because I have to take this water back to the kitchen for breakfast tomorrow.”

“No there’s something else,” He moved closer to you, a certain aura emitting as he approached closer. Reiner didn’t seem the type to hurt others without any reason. Even though you didn’t know him, you were acutely aware of his big brother-like personality with the other trainees. “If you could run away from all this, would you?”

“…What?” Confusion muddled your mind and you began to bite the inside of your cheek nervously.

“I’ll repeat it for you. If you could run away from all this, would you?” He asked again and you began to think. All you ever knew was the walls, anything outside of it was just a dangerous hellscape.

“Not really, there’s nothing out there for me. I have my friends and life is good here despite Wall Maria being currently swarmed. What am I even running from anyways Braun, the Titans? There’s just gonna be more out there anyways.” You then started walking in the direction of the dining hall, carefully making sure it wasn’t gonna spill on you.

“What if there was? Imagine an island with no Titans and life is even better there than here. No walls hiding you away from the land, just complete freedom.” You stopped, directing your head towards him. Why did he keep insisting upon the idea of this question? This was the only place in the world where humanity still thrives.

“I would still have to decline, it’ll still be no home of mine. I’d like to someday see the world without Titans but I’d probably be long gone by the time they’re all exterminated. Now goodnight Braun.” You finally walked away, feeling suddenly exhausted. Where was Bertolt when you needed him? Reiner was starting to scare you.

You left the man behind with a mess of thoughts in his head. Reiner did not agree with your mentality nor your standpoint in the matter, but that could change once he and his group bring you to Marley. Once you get there, you’ll see how life is much better than in Paradis. He brushed a quick thumb against a dried petal in his uniform pocket, the material cracking under his touch.

You have no other choice but to like Marley.

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

Never in your life have you thought your whole world could tip upside down again.

In a span of a few days after graduation, Wall Rose had become the same as Wall Maria, the Colossal Titan making its horrid and grand reappearance. The Trost District was a mass gravesite, there weren't enough words to describe your devastation of the lost lives of people you had considered as family. The heavy guilt that washed over you made you believe that if you were just a little more stronger and more decisive with your attacks, you could've — no — you would've saved them.

You threw up off the rooftop, the taste of bitter bile leaving a stain in your mouth. The stench of blood and ash wafted in all directions and it felt like you couldn't get any sicker. The images of your fellow companions getting wailing for help while getting ripped apart limb from limb and eaten alive was enough to keep you dizzy and nauseous.

Your tank was irrevocably damaged and you made the quick decision to isolate yourself to the nearest building as soon as possible before it sputtered out its last remnants, your body colliding into the red tiles.

You wanted to cry. It feels just like years ago but this time, you felt even more powerless than you were when you were a child. Even though you learned the ability to fight these oversized cannibals, you never felt so goddamn weak when dealing with the real thing. What good were you if you weren't able to use your gear?

This is where I die, you had bitterly decided. You let out a light pitiful laugh and knelt down, wiping away the tears that fell. Life was a cruel thing, wasn't it? No matter what, the moment you decided to join the regime was the same day that you would be contracting your life to an early demise. No matter what, you would die.

No matter what. No matter what. No matter what.

Not far from you, earth-shaking thuds grew near and a shadow began to cover over your shaking form. Closing your eyes with a nervous grin, you began to welcome in your godforsaken fate.

If you were unable to save your friends, what more humanity?

"L/N!" God? Was that you?

A splash of warm blood drenched the skin of your face, steam fanning off. The noticeable sound of hissing affirmed that someone sliced the nape of the Titan that was ready to consume you, their boots grinding against the tiles.

"You damn idiot! What do you think you're doing sitting there?!"

You peered through teary eyes, meeting a familiar hazel pair. Your shaky smile quivered downwards, a broken cry slipping out of your mouth as you finally realized that there was someone else alive.

Reiner was surprised, you were a considerably tough person and he believed that nothing could ever break your resilience. You tried to explain yourself to him like a kid that just got in trouble, blubbering out how weak you are and how you couldn't save your squad. It's not like you can look him in the eyes now, you know how disappointed he'd look at you. The girl that was known to be all happy-go-lucky in the 104th Training Corps.

The more you thought about it, the more you ended up breaking down into a complete sobbing mess, hiccupping the words sorry over and over again as you pulled your knees into your chest. Your tears darkened the white cloth of your uniform as you wept, the blood continuing to steam off of your face.

He rested his hand on your shoulder, seeing you cry almost made him regret putting his plan in motion. However, in order for them to retrieve the Founding Titan, they have to do this. There was no other choice in the matter.

"That's enough Y/N. You did your best with what you had. No one was expecting Colossal to come back like this, the least you could do now is honor your fellow fallen soldiers. Ensure that they didn't die for nothing. Don't die like a coward and stand up."

You sniffled as you picked your head up from your knees, wiping off the snot and tears with your jacket sleeve. As much as you didn't want to get up, he was right. How could you face your deceased comrades in the afterlife if you just let yourself die now? How selfish of you to let your life be taken away so easily when they fought so hard in order to fend off the Titans from coming any closer to the escaping civilians.

"My ODM gear broke, the gas cylinder got pierced by a rock I think." You mumbled quietly, voice sore.

"I'll carry you to the others then, we made a discovery in order to get into HQ to replace our supplies. A few of us with enough gas went out to find the unaccounted. I'm glad I found you before that Titan got to you."

The real truth was that Reiner had been panicking ever since he saw that you weren't with the other groups. He was terrified with the idea that he fucked up, the plan being the cause of your death. It was his proposal to locate the missing soldiers, making it seem like he genuinely cared about his fellow recruits. He didn't know what he would've done if he found your rotting corpse, knowing that it was completely his fault.

A miscalculation. A misstep. A mistake.

He put away his blades in its sheaths and lifted you up into his arms, making sure you were secured to him as much as possible. The positioning was awkward due to your gear still being strapped onto your body but it seemed that he didn't mind. You knew already that he was a strong man but for him to just lift you up like nothing even with your gear and his combined, you wondered if he still held back when the two of you sparred. Perhaps you were a little grateful that he did, not ending up with a broken bone at the end of it.

Unbeknownst to you, the man was screaming on the inside as he carefully maneuvered through buildings and rooftops. You closed your eyes each time he made abrupt turns and jumps, pulling yourself closer to his chest. He decided that he liked holding you, there will no longer be a day where he won't have his hands on you. He finally reached the others, seeing that the Abnormal Titan was still beating down the other Titans that were getting in its way and trying to consume it.

"What is that?"

He let you down slowly, the warmth escaping him as you were hypnotized from the scene in front of you. Unlike the other Titans you've seen so far, this Titan was strangely well built and its teeth lined the outside of its mouth. Of course you knew about Abnormals but this one was odd looking and it was unheard of for Titans fighting other Titans. Then again, the walls never broke down before and the only explorers of the outside were the Survey Corps.

"Our ticket into HQ. Look how it's drawing all the attention to itself." Reiner was right yet again. As this Abnormal was punching heads off and screaming, it seemed that the Titans were more interested in it rather than the humans inside. He picked you up once more, telling you to prepare yourself and crashed through the headquarters' window, making sure that none of the glass got on you. The others were relieved that he made it back with another teammate safely, and Armin began to explain the plan to rid of the seven remaining Titans on the inside.

You were put to be one of the gunslingers in the lift, the heavy weight of the rifle causing you to shift it around in your hands. Were you able to look one of these monsters in the eye and manage to incapacitate it?

“Stay back Y/N.”

“Excuse me?” Reiner put his hand on your shoulder once more, shaking his head. Looks like that was going to be a habit now.

“You don’t have to be in the lift, we have enough people already in there.” You scoffed quietly, pushing past him to line yourself up with the others. You broke down once in front of him and now he wants to be your protector. Sure, it was nice of him to be worried about your safety but you trusted him and the others that they'll do their part of the plan without any issues.

“I've made the decision that I'm not going to be a coward Reiner,” He watched you step in and face him, giving him a small smile with a thumbs-up. “And I’m sure as hell not going down as one.”

The lift started its slow descent down and you settled in position, your finger nervously tracing around the trigger. None of you could shoot too early or too late, these guns were difficult to reload and it would lead all of you into an early grave. The heavy tension in the air could be cut with one of the blades and the group in the lift was shuffling around lightly. It would be a lie to say that none of you weren't scared, no one wants to die knowing they're going to be eaten alive.

The lift stopped, the air deathly still. Everyone clicked into position, guns pointed and drawn. Quiet, shaky breathing was the only thing that you heard besides the ground shaking stomps of the giants, their attention landing towards the group.

Someone behind you gasped in surprise as a Titan looked in his vicinity, the voice of Marco telling him to calm down and continue to wait until they were closer. Another person was shaking besides you, her hands unsteady on her weapon and her face pale. Sweat was beginning to accumulate on your forehead and it felt difficult to breathe suddenly.

You looked up with your open eye quickly, seeing Reiner up in the posts with the others. Taking in a deep breath, a burst of confidence ran through your body.

"Ready..." Your finger hovered over the trigger, a giant blue eye staring at you. One more step, just a little closer.

"Fire!" At the sound of Marco's command, you pulled the trigger and shot. The timing of the other soldiers' shots were inconsistent, the sounds of gunfire were deafening, and the smell of gunpowder wafted in the air. Either way, the Titans' eyes were incapacitated and the seven above can finish the job.

Your heart sank as two of them did not falter like the rest, watching Connie fall into the ground and Sasha look up in horror. They didn't cut deep enough and the Titans' eyes had already regenerated from the shots. It wasn't easy trying to kill them without their gear, horror sinking in as the Titans lumbered towards them. Your stomach twisted in knots as one jumped towards her as she apologetically screamed at it and Connie was helplessly backed into a pillar from the other. No one in the lift could do anything to assist them.

You fumbled with your rifle, reaching in your pocket for any more rounds. Luckily, the two most proficient fighters managed to finish them off before anyone else could react and you felt sweet relief as the lift was safely lowered down. Hopefully this would be the last and only time that you'd face a Titan that close without ODM gear. You picked up a new tank and replaced the broken one with it, beginning to stock up on your supplies.

"You alright?" Speak of the devil, here he was once again. You turned your head towards Reiner as he sat down next to you, refilling his tanks.

" 'M fine. You did good out there."

"I could say the same with you, must've been nerve-wracking seeing those things look at you that close."

"Yeah, but you had to jump down without using any of your gear while trying to hit their napes. That's way more difficult than what we did in the lift." He lightly chuckled and dismissively shrugged, saying that it was nothing but he did get nervous with Connie and Sasha. You agreed to that statement, you liked those two and they've always humored you during dinnertime. The two of you sat quietly afterwards until he started to talk again, trying to break the silence.

"Y'know you said my name earlier, not Braun but Reiner." Your cheeks flushed warm, switching the refill to your other tank.

"You did that too, back when you saved me." You attempted to lead him away from what you said, nervously biting your cheek.

"Why did you say it?" Reiner completely ignored you, insisting upon his question more.

"I could say the same to you."

"I only said your last name because you said mine like that when we first met, thought it would be even that way. So Y/N, why did you say my name?" Fuck, he had a point.

Your shoulders slumped in defeat and you sighed, pulling your lips in a line.

"I don't really know. Maybe it was a slip of the tongue in the heat of the moment or I just wanted to say your name for the first time. Just in case anything happened or something..."

Your voice trailed off to a quiet mumble, your face reddening and hot. You didn't mean for it to sound that it was insinuating something, you genuinely appreciated him saving your ass back there and getting your morale back up. It was simply a newfound gain of respect for him. Taking a peek at his expression, you saw that his mouth was slightly agape and he turned his face away from you. Was your response that surprising?!

Embarrassed, you finished refilling your tank and started strapping your gear back on. You apologized quickly, fumbling with your words and speed-walking away to get fresh blade replacements.

'Marriage, marriage, marriage, marriage.' Reiner's thoughts quickly ran through his head, his own cheeks crimson even though he had a firm expression as he watched you walk away. He hoped that you would continue to say his first name, you will have to once he weds you in Marley. But he wouldn't mind if they were replaced with dear or honey, oh he would not mind at all.

Events took a turn once you got out of HQ. It was found out that the Abnormal Titan that was killing off the Titans was Eren Jaeger. Ironic that the vengeful and overtly loud mouthed guy that swore to kill all Titans turned out to be a Titan himself. Though there were many complications — and many lives taken — in trying to complete this mission that Commander Pixis set, Eren managed to seal off the hole in Trost.

Two days later, the more experienced soldiers killed off the remainders and you were set for clean-up of bodies and body parts that littered the streets. It was a heart-wrenching task seeing limbs and partially eaten corpses of both citizen and soldier, most being completely unrecognizable. They were once part of a family. They were sons, daughters, siblings, maybe even parents themselves. Wherever they are now, you hope that they're at peace.

You tugged your cloth mask up more as you looked around for more corpses, walking around until you saw Jean stand still from afar. He was looking at a body, your own eyes widening as you slowly recognized whom it was. Marco Bodt. The guy that commanded the group to shoot a few days prior; if you remembered correctly, he was one of Jean's close friends during training.

You felt sorry for him, he had just found and lost his best friend simultaneously. Not even a minute ago, he was asking around if anyone had seen him, voice desperate for a reassuring answer. This world was so cruel to the ones that didn't deserve it, all of you were just trying to live comfortable lives but it'll never be that way. You turned away from the scene and went off to find another unaccounted for.

What a shame, a damn shame.

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

You chose to go into the Survey Corps rather than the Garrison, mostly because you wanted to continue to fight those terrifying beasts in order to avenge the lost lives of your friends during the Battle of Trost. It would give you some kind of peace of mind knowing that you wouldn't hide away from the fight for them. After everything settled down, you befriended Reiner once you were able to catch him alone.

He was... different when you started talking to him more, you couldn't completely tell what it was but there was a feeling you had that he wasn't quite all there. He began to space out on some occasions, coming back down and acting quite odd, as if he was an entirely different person. The invasion was pretty traumatizing for everyone involved so you couldn't blame him for any mental change in his mind. You knew that you weren't definitely the same either, half of your friends had been decimated and nearly witnessing all of them die would never settle right in your mind.

Reiner had become pretty overbearing when it came to you, believing it was because of how you acted in Trost. He started hovering a lot, becoming a burden over your shoulders. He made sure that whatever you do didn't hurt you and if it did seem like a danger, he'd immediately take over. He'd say that he's just thinking about your safety, he'll handle it for you and to not worry, he prefers to do things for others. You could believe that part, you knew Reiner was the altruistic type but it was pretty aggravating when it was a constant all the time.

And just like Bertolt, he never left your side. Sometimes you'd be forced to hang out with the two of them and you didn't really mind, you got to know Bertolt more than the nervous guy he was known to be (plus he had finally stopped glaring at you weirdly). But you could only talk to Bertolt, any other male soldier you could only share short conversations with because Reiner would drag you away from them.

You weren't his lover, you mentioned to him once in a fit, you can freely talk to anyone you want and he has no say in who you could talk to.

You never were able to see the look in his eyes when you said that to him, stomping away angrily past confused scouts. This was one of the fights you had with him, ignoring him for a while until he apologized with how he acted but it would just repeat in a more inconspicuous way. Eventually, you just let him win because nothing you said about it stuck.

He'd handle you like you were fragile glassware and you despised it, you weren't a weak person, you were a damn Survey Corps soldier just like him. You were more than capable of defending and attacking, but for some reason, he still insists and insists that he can do it for you.

There is no reason someone like you should be doing things like this, that alone made you furious. He'd only leave you alone when you were put on cleaning duty or cooking. You wondered if he was like those kinds of people when it came to women but he wasn't like that to the other girls in the Corps, just you.

And yet, despite all these annoyances of his, you still considered Reiner a comforting friend. He'd listen to your rambles of mindless things and give you advice about them, trying to understand where you're coming from. He'd mostly call you a babbling idiot though but would say something stupid in return, which you always called him out for. You'd argue back and forth with smiles on your faces.

When you felt like you were in a slump, he'd pat your shoulder and then talk until you felt better. Or if that didn't work, then he'd tell you to put them up and the two of you would jokingly fight, letting you wrestle him down until your stomach hurt from laughing and the punching. He was most certainly like a big brother, dearly reminding you of your siblings.

You even started giving Reiner your special dandelion rings, seeing him wear them around his left ring finger. Did he know the meaning of that? He had to, he was old enough and his parents must've worn rings around him. You wanted to point it out to him but you'd chicken out, scared that you were gonna insinuate something that wasn't supposed to be interpreted that way.

The two of you were only friends, that was it. That was it, until the moments that led up to the day that you found out that Reiner and Bertolt were never who they really said they were.

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•''•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

Annie was found to be the Female Titan that killed many of the Corps members during the 57th Expedition, you never had expected her of all people to be a Titan shifter like Eren and a traitor.

For the first time in your friendship, Reiner hugged you. You didn't expect it, thinking that he was simply afraid that you were one of the bodies left behind and was only relieved that you were alive. The height difference between the two of you was quite a bit, he had leaned down and nestled his face into your neck, arms wrapped around you tightly. He was a toasty kind of warm, similar to sitting next to a fire during the winter.

You told him that everything will be alright now that the threat has been neutralized. He mumbled that he was afraid of losing you too, your heart skipping a beat. In response, you tried to ease his mind by promising him that you would never leave his side anytime soon. There was no possibility that you were a shifter like Annie and Eren, absolutely no way.

He was quiet for a moment, finally lifted his head out of the crook of your neck, his eyes intensely staring into yours before softening up. There was a newfound determination that you could faintly see before he pulled away, thanking you for consoling him.

It was odd, like a switch went off in his head.

The final incident came after the capture of Annie, when a handful of soldiers were presumed to be one of her accomplices and put outside of Wall Rose in an abandoned mansion. You weren't a suspect but Reiner and Bertolt were, and the worry started setting in. There wasn't a doubt in mind that you had for them, you could never see them as traitors to humanity.

Reiner did his duties all the time and he was a diligent soldier, he was also a good friend to all other members. Bertolt, though cowardly and needed a push in the right direction sometimes, has always been devoted as a soldier; he did graduate behind Reiner in third place after all.

There was a sudden breach in Wall Rose despite it being completely known to be sealed on the inside. Everyone assumed that another hole had been formed in another place by the Colossal in secret, so squadrons were sent out to scour the area to locate the breach. You were concerned that the suspected group that was contained in the area at the time of the breach had been attacked, anxiety racking your mind.

You overheard some of the soldiers that came from the search mention that there was no hole, saying that whoever saw the Titans must be going crazy.

That wasn't right. The witness reports said that Titans were definitely seen in the interior, they couldn't be wrong. Titans were quite hard to miss, they were quite literally large human things. It was inexplicable but you didn't focus much on it, being told to assist the incoming citizens before searching for the contained group.

You couldn't rack your mind in how many twists and turns you've been through throughout the years, but the Survey Corps finally found the group in a torn apart abandoned castle surrounded by a few more Titans. Ymir was revealed to be another Titan shifter — was anyone else here a Titan shifter because it seemed to be never-ending — but she had seemingly no intent to hurt the others as she saved the group she was with from death.

You found out that Reiner got bit from a Titan, retrieving the injury from pushing one out of the castle through a window. You were half astounded and half terrified with the new knowledge that he was way stronger than you anticipated. You thanked Krista — now actually known as Historia — for taking care of Reiner's injury, scolding him after for putting himself in reckless danger like that.

Assisting the injured on top of Wall Rose, you sighed in exhaustion as you sat next to Ymir's sleeping form with Historia. The past few months have been hectic as ever, did the soldiers before you deal with things like this? Five years ago and beyond that, there were no such thing as shifters or breaches in the walls. It would simply be incomprehensible back then that such a thing would’ve existed.

You turned your head in the direction of Reiner and Bertolt who were occupied with speaking to Eren. You weren't able to hear what they were saying until Reiner started to raise his voice, scrunching your eyebrows together.

Something was off. He was rambling, looking like he had completely lost it. Bertolt looked horrified, Eren was nervously laughing. Reiner... what was he talking about?

Mikasa suddenly slashed at the two, cutting Reiner's hand off and slitting Bertolt's neck. You almost screamed in shock, shooting up onto your feet until steam came off of them, an all too familiar occurrence that only happened to… Titans.

Sudden bright flashes of lights blinded you and lit up the wall with a threatening intensity, hot steam nearly blew you off your feet before you quickly latched yourself onto the wall with your gear. To your horror, the Colossal and Armored Titan formed right in front of your eyes and everything you had once known about them shattered to bits.

Reiner had grabbed ahold of Eren as he fell off the wall and Bertolt's monstrous half remained on top, hand reaching towards Ymir. The shock of seeing the monster that destroyed your home years ago was really your friend in disguise caused you to freeze up the second he grabbed her.

You thought you could trust them, you had high hopes that they weren't bad people like how the higher-ups thought they were. They were liars, they lied to everyone and they broke your trust, more so yours with Reiner. He was terrible, truly terrible.

You snapped back to reality as his gigantic hand wrapped around you — the still-passed out girl in his other fist — a scream ripping out of your throat. You struggled and banged your fists against the burning hot flesh of his hand, beginning to beg for Bertolt to not consume you. It fell on deaf ears as he opened his mouth, your eyes wide with horror.

The last thought you had as you and Ymir were dropped in was that you'd never forgive them for this, you'll never forget what they have done.

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bugflies00 · 26 days ago

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alex im really bad at reading because of my learning disabilities and its really hard for me to sit down and read stories because of it, however ive been really interested in the fostering au for awhile and really want to read it and know more. this post is an invitation to provide a synopsis and/or infodump to my ass about it so i finally get off my ass and read your fic so i can go clinically insane about it

RAHRHG okay so first off i have to warn you there's no actual fic i wrote like 1 oneshot about a single scene but the main core of the au is just. text posts of me rambling. to uhh varying degrees of coherency so i hope its still understandable

-> this is the masterpost that has everything of note ive ever posted about it

anyway so the very basic idea is it's just a cwil-centric modern au where, for later revealed reasons, he's put in the foster system with his younger brother tommy and then he deals with a bunch of shit. he straight up does not have a good time. and then he has a better time. So far this is nothing groundbreaking i know its not a very original concept But its ok because ive just thought of their versions in this au so much that they've grown into my own little plants in a way

its definitely mainly crimeboys but it started out as sbi centric and shifted to being custodytrio centric because ctntduo are also central to the plot and i ended up fridging cemeraldduo a bit. Im really sorry cemeraldduo . They are still important they just have a remarkably normal life compared to the custodytrio household so they have less of a character arc. theyre the only normal pilled ones whilst still being remarkably abnormal (its still cemeraldduo yknow) . Also they are related in this au thought i should mention that phil is techno's dad but they have more of a friends/equals relationship than a parental one. Like i said theyre Not normal but theyre mostly chilling. Meanwhile those 3 guys + fundy go through some shit

this timeline is kindof old and also a mess but i think its a pretty good general idea of how things are spaced out. The thing about this au is that the reason its not and will never be a long form fic (barring the fact that i don't have the writing ability to sustain that long of a writing period) is that the timeline doesn't have a start and end date in a way that a coherent story would. it's literally just their lives and i just make up scenes and bits of it and there's definitely evolutions and lots of changes but i wouldn't be able to find like. A single coherent thread that would direct A Single Story yknow. i guess since it's wilbur centric you could argue for it to be something about his own journey in terms of mental health and whatnot But i think that would exclude a number of other things i love about it (like ctommy's character arcs or stuff with cq and cbeeduo etc etc) . TLDR : it's a MESS

a lot of it is centred around cwil's character development because he essentially goes through an identity crisis for .The first few decades of his life. and a lot of that happens through him shifting between — and i hate to sound like taylor swift here but its the only word i can think of — """eras""" and flip flopping and progressing and then retreating back on progress. a lot of it reflects how his character developed in canon, although i completely removed the "death" and "literally different characters" (up for debate but thats another post) aspects, and it's just. him changing as a person. this is completely word vomit i know

but basically it starts out in his childhood home, which he's forced to leave when he's 8 and tommy's 2. their dad (not anyone, its just an unnamed character) is often verbally and occasionally physically abusive, mostly to their mum but cwil takes the brunt of it sometimes. his mum, who also deals with a lot of mental health issues that cwil later realises are very similar to his own, is completely overwhelmed and barely hanging on, and teaches him to "protect" his little brother, with the best intentions, but not realising that cwil is going to take that to heart for twenty five years like "yes it is my sacred mission to literally put my body between tommy and harm's way otherwise i have no reason to exist" BUT TO BE FAIR she really could've guessed. And then [redacted situation that i have been trying to make a post about for ages but that involves such lovely themes as suicide and more abuse] occurs and they move into the foster system

the reason it's mostly cwil centric is the fact that like. during a lot of his formative years when shit really starts to get rough in his head, tommy's either a kid or a preteen. he's dealing with his own stuff, but for him it only really starts to get hard around after high school. he's a bit of a paradox of a character because he's been through the system, he's been rejected from homes alongside wil, he's had to deal with wil during his worst years (and he was NOT fun to be around. he had lots of issues and nowhere to put them and tommy was the only person who was there for all of it) (what do you mean this reminds you of a certain arc in a ravine i would never do that ), and yet he's always. idk. i think a good way to put it is that, despite this, fostering tommy is less jaded than canon dsmp ctommy because, through all that, he's always had the constant of wilbur in his life. like sure he's been unstable and mean and a complete mess but at the end of the day he managed to scrape together enough of himself to stick around for him when it mattered and protect him. so (apart from that aforementioned period after high school in college where he has a depressive episode Thats its own post) fostering tommy, despite his certainly non negligible amount of trauma and abandonment issues, has a sense of security and stability that canon dsmp ctommy never had. i think thats why in some ways the AU is more lighthearted than canon, even when its like really sad or during their worst years, because it doesn't have that empty feeling of loss of community that dsmp s3 and s4 were imbued with. its what makes it my comfort AU in a way yknow the domesticity of it all despite everything compared to. the desolate wasteland that became canon

anywayy that is a lot of ramble and if i keep going ill just repeat stuff i already said in previous text posts so . ENJOY THIS I SUPPOSE ^__^

#alex.rambles.txt #alex.asks.txt #mcyt #the fostering au

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paulythide · 1 year ago

Text

The decisions have been made, also a small sneak peek!

So, I decided to do both... because I couldn't choose. So, it would be Tensei Shitara and Mushoku Tensei. So both One-shots.

Please feel free to enjoy them!

Also, here is a small peak from the first One Shot, which would be Mushoku Tensei!

One-Shot

The sound of a beating heart desperately trying to catch another breath of life was a cold sensation for someone who had lost everything. A pitiful thought for someone like him since he never had anything to begin with. No job, no girl to hug or love, no prospect of a bright future, or a past filled with glory days, only suffering, humiliation, and a numb way of living, like an insect crawling from its whole just to eat. At the very least, his last actions saved someone's life. That has to count for something, right?

She was cute—at least, my death saved a pretty girl.

The thoughts of this man went suddenly to the unfairness of all. He didn't deserve such a life. What did he do? Why did he deserve such pain? But at the end of it all, nothing really mattered. Still, he dreamed and wished just to have one more chance to do it all over again. That was all he wanted: a chance to redo his life, not waste it all, and change for the better.

Ah, I wanted to lose my virginity...

Those were his final conscious thoughts as he saw the surgeons attempt and fail to save his life. Not that he blamed them. That truck did a number on him. The only reason he was in one piece was because his fatness managed to take the brunt of the impact. So, as darkness swallowed him slowly, he began to feel as if something had dragged him out of his body. It's a truly bizarre sensation, but it's not like he knew what dying felt like. He suddenly heard shouting and screams of joy, and slowly he began to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Opening slowly, only to show him a man and a woman staring down at him with joy and happiness.

Eh? What...? What is this? Where is this place...?

He couldn't comprehend what was happening or where he was, but one thing was clear from the looks of it. He, a 34-year-old man, was in a baby's body, and those two adults were his parents. It took not much until an idea began forming in his mind. The possibility of what happened to him and why he was there. An absurd thought, no doubt, but the fact that he was there and not dreaming showcases this event's reality, and he couldn't deny it.

He was reincarnated.

I cannot believe that absurd idea actually happened to me. It's so crazy.

The man thought deeply as the beautiful woman smiled at him, with her gorgeous breasts still exposed. Maybe he should be thankful now. He was offered a new life.

I can drink milk from this beautiful woman's breasts! He thought with a perverted smile as he stared at both young parents talking in a language he understood nothing. But the seeming joys of both young parents changed into panic, as the young mother began to breathe heavily and in shock, as she commenced to sense the labour pains again. He couldn't help but feel the same alert and concern as his father since, by the looks of it. They did not expect another baby at all.

They put the baby in the crib next to the bed, and the young mother began to scream as if her life depended on it.

Whoa! Whoah! Careful! The reborn man thought, filled with worry, not liking those hellish yells of pain. Yet, he tried to glance to his side, where his mother was giving birth to his sibling. Ah, I hope I have a sister. Soon, a short cry echoed throughout the room, a welcoming sound from a healthy newborn. The young mother exhaled deeply, watching the new baby in her husband's arms. However, she saw a stunned face, which wasn't what she was used to seeing on him at all.

"Paul...? What is it?" Zenith questioned anxiously, not paying attention to her loins' soreness or her body's exhaustion. The only thing on her mind was her baby's health. "Paul?! What is it?! Is something wrong?!"

Paul snapped from his shock as he slowly showed the baby to Zenith. Both of them expected to see the same brown hair and green eyes that their son had. But that wasn't the case. They were met with snowy white hair and two sets of deep golden eyes staring back at them in shock, confusion and even surprise.

"I..." Paul muttered, truly not knowing what to say. "It's a girl..."

"A girl," Zenith whispered, looking at the baby girl with curious eyes. "Well... I don't know why she has this hair or eyes. But..."

"Hey! I know she's mine!"

"Of course, she is yours! Idiot!" Zenith snapped as Paul cringed slightly.

"W-What I mean is that she's Rudeus' twin sister!" Pauly exclaimed quickly, calming his annoyed and tired wife. "Also, I have heard that you some are born like this. Uh, I think they are called Albinos...?"

"Albinos?" Zenith replied, glancing at her daughter, who was still glancing at her curiously. "As long as she is healthy. It doesn't matter. She doesn't look like either of us, right?"

Paul heard the tenderness in his wife's voice, which was tinged with conflicted emotions. Perhaps Zenith had some irrational fear that he wouldn't love his daughter if he didn't have his hair or eyes. That Paul would take the disparity too great to bear. A wound to his pride. Which was nonsense. Paul gently planted a kiss on Zenith's lips and grinned at her.

"Hey, look at her; she definitely has your eyebrows and cheeks!" Paul smiled brightly. Zenith stared at him, surprised by his reaction but couldn't help but chuckle.

"Yes, I can see that," Zenith then glanced and could see Rudeus trying desperately to move his baby body in order to take a glance at his sister. Rudeus could not understand a single thing both Zenith and Paul were saying. Still, he could see that whatever it was, it ended positively. He saw how Zenith moved towards the crib and located a baby beside him.

"Here, Rudeus... your twin sister," Zenith began to ponder a name that would suit her daughter. Zenith was sure that her daughter's snowy hair, and golden eyes, would surely make her a beauty in the future. But also strong like Paul, so a name was needed to reflect that. "Rhea Greyrat and Rudeus Greyrat! What do you think, dear?"

"They are perfect!"

Paul exclaimed happily as Zenith gently put Rhea next to Rudeus; both babies lay there while the young parents simply burst into a fit of passion for their new family. But as they did their naughty deed, Rudeus couldn't help but glance at his supposed sister.

Ah, I have a sister. Twin sister at that, and she is younger, technically speaking. This is the best! Rudeus thought joyfully, already thinking about everything he could do as an older brother. He could already hear "Onii-chan! I love you! You promise to marry me when we grow up! Baka!" Rudeus simply smiled internally, contemplating that life. Yet, looking at his side, he saw Rhea, his sister, merely staring at the roof.

Uh? What is she doing...? Rudeus found himself in a state of both perplexity and fascination, his thoughts swirling with questions. Still, before he could voice them, Rhea swiftly pivoted to meet his gaze. Then, whatever dreams he had before vanished. Since those golden eyes staring at him were not of a baby or something normal. Those golden eyes were inspecting him intensely. Perhaps way too much to his liking.

This...! She is scary! Then, Rudeus understood that he may not be the only one surprised by this current affair.

.---.

Don't worry. More is to come! Until later!

#announcement #ao3 author #fanfiction #oc #fanfic #one shot #crossover #new chapter

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cotarded · 2 years ago

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I got really fascinated by some tags you left on a post a few days ago-regarding female anatomy. Would you mind to elaborate a bit? You spoke about how the myth of it is hard to buy, how its all concentrated around reproduction and is a handicap in a way. I wonder what made come to those conslusions and why (just for the record i am asking because i think you put into words something i have felt since so long). Its annoying to always hear how beautiful it is because its able to carry childen to the world (among other things) which just makes me feel like i live in a specialised incubator, not a body. not for me but to sustain something…

Of course, I love to run my mouth. And I'm in the middle of studying for the obgyn part of my finals so it's very topical for me rn.

For context, I assume this is the post and tags you mean:

I’ve been thinking it over for the last few days, sorting through what I know and what I feel and why, and how to say it best and I haven't really arrived at anything brilliant or groundbreaking but here are some more of my thoughts on the topic.

Our reproductive system and reproductive organs are geared for - as the name suggests - reproduction. We evolved to successfully bear and raise offspring, and I feel it’s naive to deny that. Menstrual cycle and periods exist solely as means to reproduction - you don’t need a menstrual cycle to be a healthy woman; you need sex hormones, yes, because organisms evolve as a whole and everything has seven hundred different functions, but you do not need the cycle and periods, not unless you want to have a child.

And the menstrual cycle is fucking annoying. I’m not even particularly unlucky - my periods are average, I’m only in pain for 2 days and it’s easily manageable with OTC painkillers - but I can tell it affects me, it makes me feel bad, I’m less productive, I’m sure you know what I mean.

It’s a handicap because our bodies redirect insane efforts and energy towards making us pregnant every month. It’s a handicap because we are in pain and not doing our best 1/10 to 1/5 of our lives. It’s a handicap because we live in a male-dominated society and must keep up. As @iorvethh said, biology fucked us over pretty spectacularly, because we bear the brunt of reproduction.

I understand very well what you mean about living in a specialised incubator - I’ve always felt like woman’s position as a person is in a very tentative one, especially during pregnancy, but also throughout her whole life. I remember being a child and learning that I had to get a rubella shot because getting rubella during pregnancy can be dangerous for a baby, and I felt sick in a way I couldn’t quite express. I still do, even now that I understand the public health part of vaccines - it felt like an assumption, a violation of sorts - „you Will get pregnant and we want that child to be healthy”. Or even a threat - “you might not want to get pregnant, but it’s not like it’s impossible, is it? Better be prepared for that thing that can Always happen to you.” It was an act on my body done on behalf of another, confident that I’m okay with that. It felt like that hypothetical child, years in the future, was already more important than me.

And the worst part is that it isn’t only society - my body does not care I don’t want to get pregnant. It will keep on trucking, trying to make me so, every month. I was build around it, from the day I was born I’ve been carrying my potential children in me and it feels like everyone and everything sees just them, not me. I look down and can recite how each and every part of me is made for that singular purpose.

The mythos of the female body, of motherhood, of creation, is attractive to me as a concept, a story, and I do feel good about stuff my body can do - I find it valuable and fascinating how we are the more resilient ones, the ones who survive disasters to rebuild society, the key to human survival. When you study it, there’s really nothing in males that can compare - but then you go outside, into the real world and realise that in everyday life in our society all that cool stuff is hardly a boon.

Female biology is cooler on a conceptual level - we are the main characters of the human race - but the thing about main characters is that it’s more fun to read about one than to be one. We are cooler and more important than males and we are paying the price in blood.

#i hope it's at least Slightly what you hoped for anon sjsnhd #i'm sorry if its not

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breezexwake · 3 months ago

Text

You know sometimes you just need a void you know people inhabit but are rarely going to hear you. I need that right now. To my friends who follow this little-used blog, I’ll be okay. I just need to scream.

If you’re happening to pass this by, read at your own disgression. TW: depression, suicide, divorce

This year has been really really hard. And it’s not going to get better anytime soon.

I graduated from college. But as soon as I got in bed getting that paper, I felt like the education I got was useless. Theatre Education. In my state? What I joke I just wasted six years of my life pursuing. I’m passionate, but what school hires a teacher on passion alone. Especially one who believes in self-advocacy and true art can only be made where a student feels safe to be whoever they want to be. I was fighting a losing battle as soon as I made that a part of my cornerstone of performance.

Then my dream job closed. I was an interactive actor in a Victorian-fantasy interactive theatre park and while I was emotionally abused and gaslit by my bosses, I couldn’t imagine ever quitting. Giving children and adults a safe place to play and become the hero of their own little story was everything to me. I grew as a performer in both acting and storytelling. And then it was killed. I heard rumors of embezzlement of thousands of dollars, the place wasn’t finished, and of course leadership was overly controlling and catty. But I loved it there. My husband was free to be himself there. And I had to watch him teeter on the brink of death of weeks when he found out thanks to a leak.

Then my parents separated. And us kids are caught in the middle. My mom due to her health and what she’s done to treat it has lost her all her friends. She has no one to talk to, to vent and cry to. We get the brunt. Especially me as I drive her to her daily doctor’s appointments. And my sister who lives with her. She is constantly triggered, her mdd and ptsd destroying her mind and this separation or basically divorce is killing her. Nothings changed noticeably with my dad, cause he was never around anyway. He’s just more angry at my mom, and trying to develop a relationship with my autistic brother.

I used to wish they would communicate and get back together. Because they’re my parents, I want my family to stay together. Now I wish they’d just shut the fuck up and never talk to each other again. Dad should stop going over to my Moms. Mom needs to stop texting him. Dad needs therapy! Mom needs more frequent sessions!

Then the convention I’ve been attending yearly since high school shut down, apparently for stupid catty reason. My husband who has been attending since we got married is spiraling.

I’ve never had more frequent suicidal thoughts. Thank god I have no desire to act on them, but I know it’s bad. Too bad I don’t have insurance for therapy!

I just need something to go right. I need something that tells me this world is worth existing in that isn’t video games or anime. Something out in the world that’s worth pursuing without the floor being ripped out from under me.

I want to live…

Hopefully once I hit send, this cry into the void will make me feel a little better and seen without actually being seen.

#tw suicide #tw divorce #tw depression #vent to the void #ignore this

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grievedeeply · 3 years ago

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Hi! Can I submit an ask for a Glamrock Freddy x teen female reader (like 17-18) who has siblings but lives in an abusive household? Like a headcanon scenario where she's working at the Pizzaplex and gets a call from her dad and he's in a rage, so she quietly asks to leave her siblings with Freddy after hours and goes home alone to face the music but Freddy knows something isn't right? And then when she comes back a mess the next morning Freddy grills her and finds everything out? Sorry if this was too specific or weird or is out of your comfort zone, but it'd make my year if you took my ask:)) gosh nervous over the internet who'dve thought

-anxious anon

sure!! don't be anxious i love receiving and writing these requests, i hope this can be of some comfort for you! i also hope this writing format is what you wanted, if it isn't let me know and i can try something else!

tws: abuse (nothing in depth or but it is lightly described and talked about, physical and mental) all under the cut

fem!reader (she/her)

your little siblings were absolutely in love with going to the pizzaplex. it was an excuse for you to get out of the house to drive them there, so you took it upon yourself to take them for a bit of a break from your parents

the pizzaplex was loud as it always was, but at least people sounded happy, like they were enjoying themselves. you wandered around with your siblings for a while until the main show would start, which was one of their favorite things there

since you visited the pizzaplex so often, you quickly formed a friendship with glamrock freddy. the first time you met it was an accident, with you running straight into his metal chest. he forgave you quickly, and a conversation started quickly

you probably wouldn't ever tell him how big of a comfort he was to you. after all, he was an animatronic who— most likely— didn't realize how he had made an impact on you. he was almost like a parental figure to you and you found yourself happier and more comfortable around him than with your family at home

your siblings loved him too, and through you, he became friends with them as well. whenever he wasn't busy with other children he was with you and your siblings

you greeted him with a smile as you saw him after his performance, and he returned it to the best of his ability. it was almost time for the pizzaplex to close and you would have to return home soon, much to your dismay

you were so close to being able to move out and live on your own, but you couldn't leave your siblings alone with your parents like that. it would make you feel guilty for the rest of your life. the idea of moving out was great, but unless you could take them with you, it wouldn't happen

"you did great today." you told freddy as he let you and your siblings into his dressing room. "it was the same as the performance from the other day." he replies back to you, confusion evident in his tone

sometimes he was so human and it made you forget that he was really just a robot with programming. it smacked you in the face at that moment

"so?" you only laughed, your train of thought being cut off by the vibrating sensation coming from your pocket

you pursed your lips and pulled out your phone. it was your dad, and he was probably angry as he always was. you excused yourself and stepped out of his room, taking the call in the hall so your siblings didn't have to hear

your siblings knew other kids had better home lives than they did but you would always do your best to shield them from the brunt of your family's abuse

freddy noticed the frown on your lips before you left. he'd been having suspicions that something was going on at home ever since you met but this was just reinforcing that thought

he continued to talk to your siblings as you were on the phone outside, and when you came back in your face was permanently etched into a sad expression

"i have to go home." you said quietly to freddy, sounding clearly disappointed. he only wondered what your father said on the phone to make you look so sad. your siblings were obvious to your words, not even noticing that you'd came back into the room at all

"can you watch over them for a little while? they don't need to hear this." you asked him, glancing over at your siblings as they continued talking to each other. they were still looking happy, never getting tired of what the pizzaplex has to offer

"of course." he said, his voice reassuring. he'd make sure they stayed in his dressing room. the doors were to be locking soon, so they'd have to stay with him all night

he knew he'd most likely get into trouble if they were seen by any of the S.T.A.F.F. bots, but that wouldn't be too much of a problem if they stayed in his room.

you muttered a thank you to him, turned on your heel and left

freddy kept your siblings entertained, and when they asked where you went, he only told them that you had an important errand to run and had asked him to look after them for a while

they didn't think too much of it as they returned to playing and chatting with each other

freddy only wondered what kind of things you were facing at your home. he worried about you and your siblings, more so than any other children he'd met before. he'd become attached to you over time. he wanted to help you

so he hatched a plan. upon your return, he'd ask you about it. he would feel bad pushing you to say anything you didn't want to, but he knew he had to to get an answer out of you eventually

if what was going on at your house was what he thought it was, it would be better for him to ask

you returned the next morning, your hair a mess. you'd clearly gotten away from your house in a hurry as your shoes were barely put on, shoelaces still untied. he worried about you driving like that, wanting to make sure your shoes were properly put on before you left

he opened the door to his room for you, your siblings sleeping. he'd covered them up with makeshift blankets, cloths he found in the back room where his charging station was. it was more than your father at home had ever done for any of you

you didn't step in, and you gestured for him to step outside so you could talk to him privately

"thank you." you said, "i didn't think it would take that long." you admitted, scratching awkwardly at the back of your neck.

"that is okay." freddy replied. it was now or never. "what is going on at your home?" he asked you, his head tilted slightly to the side to show he was asking a question

"don't worry about it-"

"i am worrying." he cut you off before you could say anything else. "i know you don't think i notice, but i do. i noticed how upset you looked when your father called you last night, and i notice how you think you are covering up bruises. but you are not."

"you cannot keep me in the dark forever, superstar."

you remained silent at his words. superstar. every time he called you that it made you think of what your childhood could've been if it was normal, and you frowned

you pulled up your sleeves. it was easy for freddy to spot the bruises if somehow your jacket sleeves had rolled up. they were faded, but evidently still there

you told him everything, not able to keep it bottled up inside anymore. you told him about how your dad had called you in a fit of rage the night before and had threatened you multiple times in the past

freddy knew something had been going on for a long time, and he was glad that you trusted him enough to tell him about your situation

when you finished speaking, he didn't say anything in response. instead, he only dropped to his knees and pulled you into a hug. you flinched away from it at first, but quickly relaxed into it.

the hug was surprisingly comfortable even though he was made of metal. his touch was fatherly, comforting. he made no effort to pull away, waiting until you were ready instead

he wanted to get you and your siblings out of the abusive household you lived in, but he assumed you weren't ready to talk about it yet

so he stood there, arms wrapped around you in the most comforting and warm embrace you'd ever received

#fnaf #fnaf x reader #glamrock freddy #glamrock freddy x reader #fnaf sb #fnaf security breach #five nights at freddy's x reader #five nights at freddy's #fnaf glamrock freddy #fnaf freddy #security breach #security breach x reader

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honeypiehotchner · 4 years ago

Text

Version of You (Hotch x Fem!Reader) — one shot

Call 1-800-799-7233 if you think you are in danger/a victim of domestic violence, or visit this website for resources, live chat, and more (for the USA). This is a link to the wikipedia page that has international resources.

(I wanted to put that first because this fic deals with an abusive relationship and some scenes show the abuse. If you relate to any this, please seek help via the resources above. I want desperately to say my DMs are open, but for my own mental wellbeing, I have to let you know that the resources that I give above are about all I can do to help. You’re welcome to DM me if needed, but please know that it might take me a minute to reply, and I still will point you in the direction of resources that can better help you. I love and support and am with every single one of you, but I can only do so much through a screen xx.)

This is 100% a comfort fic, but I am safe and okay, I promise 💛 (Truthfully, this was really therapeutic to write.)

Small note: mental and verbal abuse is depicted here, not physical (though it does come close), but I wanted to remind you that just because abuse isn’t physical doesn’t mean it’s not harmful or real. Mental and verbal abuse is still abuse.

Summary: Hotch helps you find the courage within you to end your abusive relationship for good.

Warnings: depiction of an abusive relationship, verbal/mental abuse, violence (domestic and otherwise), angst, happy ending

Hotch Masterlist

Aaron is stunned and disappointed to find you’re still at your desk when he walks out of his office at the grand hour of 8 p.m.

You don’t even hear his office door open or close, but you do hear his footsteps on the stairs. By the time he reaches your desk to say goodnight, you’re already attempting to cover up any traces of emotion on your cheeks.

But Aaron is a profiler. On top of that, though, he’s one of your best friends. He’s known you for six years now, and given how much time the BAU members spend together on cases, he’d argue he knows every single person here better than they know themselves.

You’d agree. You hardly know who you are anymore. But somehow, Aaron knows. Aaron can see.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, already setting his bag down, already pulling a chair over, already sitting next to you.

You’re ready to tell him it’s nothing, to tell him to get home to Jack, that it isn’t important — but it is.

You’ve been with your current partner for almost eight years. Anyone would hear that and ask if marriage is on the horizon, or children, or something of the sort. But not Aaron. Because Aaron can see the pain in your eyes.

Truthfully, he’s seen that pain in your eyes for the past two years. Maybe more.

But recently, it’s gotten worse. A lot worse.

You’re on a “break” with your partner. Whatever a “break” even means, because you still receive phone calls and texts from them all day. You send the calls to voicemail unless you absolutely aren’t doing anything, and the texts you reply to with one word.

Going home is fine because your partner is gone — for now. Work called them away, so you’re home alone for at least another three days, but you expect they’ll want you to pick them up from the airport.

You’ve never longed for a case the way you’re longing for one right now.

This “break” has been easiest because your partner has been gone. You know if they were here, it wouldn’t have been a break at all.

“It’s made me realize that I...I want a break. A real break.”

“You want to break up,” Aaron says it for you, knowing you’re too afraid.

Your hesitant nod confirms this for him. “I do. I think I really do.”

Aaron has known the relationship hasn’t been the healthiest. You don’t open up about your personal life that much at work — you never have — but it has always been telling that you never go out for drinks with the team. And when you did, you’d have to answer texts every ten minutes. Your partner never accepted an invite to join the team for drinks or dinner, but would often get angry at you for being out, as if you hadn’t tried to invite them.

Raised voices, broken glass. Not a single hand was ever laid on you. No, instead, it was a wine glass your mom gifted to you when you graduated college when your partner was angry that you had gone out for drinks with the team after a difficult case. A coffee mug you gifted your partner for their birthday faced the brunt of their anger when you didn’t reply to a text message fast enough — because you were parking your car in the garage. Plates, picture frames. A coffee table once, three years ago. It had been a house warming present.

But they’ve never hurt me, you always argue — only with yourself. No one knows the truth, that you clean up after their outbursts, that you’re grateful to have some knowledge of first aid so you can tend to your cuts from the broken glass, or so that you could stitch up your partner’s hand with ease, because hospitals are expensive and the excuses you’d have to fabricate even more so.

They always apologize. Which is true. Apologies are frequent in your house. Sometimes verbal, sometimes in the form of flowers either on your desk at the BAU (that only Hotch seems to notice with a sad smile) or left on the counter at home. Sometimes, rarely, a fancy dinner and some gift, usually a necklace.

“If you need any help at all,” Aaron says, looking you in your eyes, carefully, intently. “I’m here. For anything.”

“Thanks,” you murmur. Your stomach rumbles loudly in the silence, making you chuckle awkwardly.

“Hungry?” He jokes, but is half serious. “I was planning to get something on the way home, if you’d like to join.”

You think it over for a moment. Your mind immediately jumps to say no because you think your partner is home...but they aren’t.

“Sure,” you say. “Why not. What’s on the menu?”

You gather your things and Hotch waits patiently, rattling off some ideas for food to eat until one grabs your attention.

Your phone buzzes with a text. Where are you?

Aaron notices your change in posture with a sigh. “Is that them?”

You nod slowly. “Asking where I am.” You quickly type back, Still at the BAU.

The reply is almost immediate, as always. Just checking. Love you.

Relief washes over you as you type back, Love you too.

Aaron doesn’t like what he sees. The panic that surges through you just from a text message, making you stand up straight, hold your breath, clench your jaw. Then the relief that relinquishes you when a reply comes and it isn’t negative for once. The sudden changes, the way your emotions are yanked back and forth. He hates it.

But he doesn’t mention it. Instead, he says, “Ready?” And waits for you to smile.

+++

Hotch really doesn’t mean for dinner with you to turn into somewhat of a routine. But it does.

It’s brought more smiles to your face than Hotch thinks he has ever seen in the past six years. And for that, he doesn’t regret the dinners.

Neither do you, until the worst thing that could possibly happen ends up happening one night, three weeks since the first dinner.

Your partner is going out with friends, so you think you’re in the clear to get dinner with Aaron. And when your partner asks where you are again, you say you’re still at the BAU. You were, but you and Aaron were in the elevator to leave when you sent that message.

The two of you grab dinner at one of your favorite spots, at a table outside because the weather is perfect, the sky is clear, and stars are beginning to show. It’s magical. Until it’s a nightmare.

“Well, well, well.”

The voice sends shivers down your spine. They’re supposed to be out with friends.

Aaron automatically stands, shoulders squared and face set. He’s wearing his gun, and you are, too, but you’d never use it on your partner. You can’t say the same about Hotch, though, and that terrifies you.

“Babe,” you say with a smile, and Hotch tenses, hearing the pet name fall so easily form your lips. “What are you doing here? I thought you were going out with your friends?”

Your partner crosses their arms over their chest. “And I thought you were still at work.”

“We are,” Hotch speaks up, startling you. “We’re discussing a case.”

Your partner looks around, raising their eyebrows. “I don’t see any papers.”

“Because we went digital five years ago,” Hotch replies coolly. “But aside from that, a federal investigation is none of your business.”

You swallow thickly, waiting for your partner’s reply.

But to your surprise, they only nod. “I understand, sir. I was only checking.”

Hotch holds back a scoff, but instead returns the nod. “If you’ll excuse us.”

Your partner holds their hands up in surrender. “Of course.”

“I’ll see you at home,” you say quickly. “Love you.”

“See you at home,” they reply, making you frown as they turn and walk away.

When you look back at Hotch, you nearly scream. It takes everything in you not to make the hugest scene right there, outside this nice restaurant, underneath these stars.

Your phone buzzes. One hour. Do not be late.

“Y/N—”

“Don’t,” you say quietly. “Just. Don’t, Hotch.”

+++

The next day, you knock on Hotch’s office door, twenty dollar bill in hand to pay him back for your dinner last night. You left in a hurry and didn’t get to pay. Thankfully, at least, arriving home with forty minutes to spare saved you from an even worse reaction from your partner.

“For dinner last night,” you mumble, sliding the twenty across Hotch’s desk. “Thank you.”

As you turn on your heel to leave, Hotch calls out to you. “I’m sorry.”

You sigh. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Aaron says, making you turn back around. “I hope you’re...alright.”

You’re so very far from being “alright” that you almost laugh. Instead, you shrug. “It’s been worse.”

“Did they hit you?”

You’re too shocked to move. “What? No! Why the hell would you even say that?”

“Because I’ve been worried about you.”

“They have never laid a hand on me,” you snap. “Ever.”

“But they’ve come close,” Aaron says gently. “You know they have.”

You only scoff. You feel hurt. Insulted, even, that he would assume something like that. Your relationship with your partner is rocky, of course, but never physical abuse rocky. Never that bad.

But has it come close?

Sure, maybe you’ve felt the wind off a beer bottle when it grazed by your head on its way to the wall. Maybe you have had to duck to avoid getting glass to the face. Maybe.

Maybe they have come close. Closer than you want to admit.

But they’ve also loved you. Held you while you cried. Rewarded you after you cleaned up the broken glass. Left you flowers and jewelry and love notes.

They love you. Don’t they?

“It’s fine,” you whisper, blinking back the stubborn tears that have jumped to the front of your eyes. “They love me.”

“Love isn’t violent,” Aaron replies gently. “Love shouldn’t make you as terrified as I saw you when you left last night.”

“I know,” you choke out. “But I don’t know what to do.”

Hotch is rounding his desk and gathering you in his arms before the first tear slips down your cheeks. He holds you while you cry, letting you get it all out.

“We’ll figure it out,” he whispers, resting his chin on top of your head. “Don’t worry.”

+++

It all comes to a head a few nights later when your partner springs a question on you. The question.

There, standing in the bathroom, you’re too stunned to speak.

“What d’you say, baby? Let’s get married, you and me.”

You don’t reply. You toss the makeup wipe in your trash can, flick the light in the bathroom off, and walk out into the bedroom.

“Baby?” They ask.

You’re facing the dresser, halfway to setting out a pair of pants for work tomorrow. “I...I can’t.”

“What?” Their reply is immediate and angry. “What are you talking about?”

“I can’t,” you repeat, refusing to change your answer. “No.”

By the time you turn around, they’re standing up from the bed, arms crossed over their chest. “What did you just say to me?”

“I said no,” you say firmly. “I’m not marrying you.”

“And why not?”

“I—”

“Are you seeing someone else?”

“What?”

“Your boss? Are you fuckin’ him?”

“No!”

“Then why won’t you marry me?”

“Because I don’t want to!”

You’ve never raised your voice back at your partner. They’ve always been the one to raise their voice, and you stayed silent, tried to talk them down, be the quiet voice of reason.

But not anymore. You’ve had enough.

“You don’t want to?” They scream. “It’s been eight years and now you don’t want to. You’re fucking him, aren’t you?”

“I’m not,” you say through gritted teeth. “But I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

“Baby…” They sigh, stepping closer, lowering their arms. “Why not?”

“Because,” you reply slowly, backing up. “Just because.”

“That’s not a good enough reason and you know it.”

“It’s good enough for me,” you say. You step to the side and keep backing out into the hallway, getting ready to run if need be.

“Where are you going?” They all but growl. “What’s wrong with you?”

You’re scaring me, you want to scream, but you don’t. “I’m fine.”

“You’re fine? Well I’m for damn sure not fine, I’m heartbroken,” they seethe. You see the tell-tale signs that they’re about to get angry — angry enough to start throwing things. You realize in a moment of horror that a paperweight is within their reach.

And they reach for it.

“Don’t,” you murmur, freezing when their fingers wrap around the glass. “Put it down.”

“Why?” They ask, calm as ever. “Don’t you want to see what you’ve just done to my heart?”

You shake your head slowly. “No. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, no!” Your reflexes have gotten better since being at the FBI, and you duck right in time. The paperweight crashes against the wall behind you, shattering, denting the wall, and covering the couch in fine pieces of broken glass.

“See what you’ve done!” Your partner screams. “This could’ve been easy! You could’ve said yes!”

You spot your car keys on the counter next to you, and when they turn their back to you to grip at their hair, you slide the keys off and into your pocket.

I have to get out of here. It’s a thought that you never have. Normally by now you’d be vacuuming up the glass on the couch, apologizing every five seconds, pouring them a glass of whiskey or a beer or something. But not now. Not anymore.

You’re a few steps from the door when your partner notices. “Where the fuck are you going?”

“Nowhere,” you freeze. “Go take a shower. Cool off. I’ll clean up this mess and then we can talk about this again, okay?”

They almost don’t accept your offer, but after a second, they nod. “There better be a beer waiting on me when I get out.”

“Of course,” you smile.

Your smile makes them suspicious, but they turn and head into the bedroom without another word.

Shaking, you turn to the closet to grab the vacuum, turning it on and beginning to suck up the glass off the couch.

But when you hear the shower curtain pull closed, you escape, leaving the vacuum running.

+++

It’s pouring down rain, you aren’t wearing any shoes, and you’re knocking on your boss’s front door. Can your life get any more pathetic?

When Aaron opens the door, he’s practically hauling you inside and out of the rain.

“What’s wrong?” Aaron asks, already leading you down the hall toward the bathroom. “You’re shivering, we need to get you out of these clothes — you aren’t wearing shoes, fuck, Y/N, what happened?”

“They asked me to marry them,” you choke out. You aren’t even crying. You haven’t cried yet at all. “I said no. They almost hit me.”

Aaron feels a dangerous surge of anger course through his body. “Did they hit you?”

You shake your head, and it turns into a full-body shiver.

“Okay,” Aaron says, taking a deep breath to ground himself. “Okay, let me get some clothes for you. Do you want to take a shower?”

You shake your head again.

“Okay, that’s okay. I’ll be right back.”

You sit, shivering, on your boss’s toilet for a few minutes before he returns with clothes. A t-shirt and pair of sweatpants of his. Old ones, he says, they don’t fit him anymore. You smile slightly when you realize the shirt is from his college, the sweatpants from his law school. No wonder they don’t fit him anymore.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call,” you say. “I—I think I left my phone there.”

“It’s okay,” Aaron shakes his head. “Don’t worry about that. Just get changed and get warm. Do you want some tea? Anything?”

“Just some water, please,” you murmur. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” he smiles.

After he leaves, you change out of your wet clothes and into his shirt and sweatpants. You carefully hang your wet shirt and shorts over the edge of the bathtub, hoping that’s okay.

You venture out of the bathroom and follow the noise into the kitchen where you find Aaron putting up dishes.

“Hey,” he murmurs, straightening up. “Do you want ice with your water?”

“Um, sure.”

The sound of ice clinking into the glass makes you flinch, and you’re grateful Aaron’s back is turned away from you.

“There you go,” he hands you the glass.

“Thank you.”

You sip it quietly while he goes back to putting up the rest of the clean dishes in the dishwasher. Once he finishes, your heart is still racing, now with guilt from coming here unannounced. What if he was on a date? What if Jack was here?

“The guest room is all yours,” Aaron says softly. “If you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

You nod slowly. “I don’t know what to do.” You pause, rubbing your thumb over the condensation on the glass. “But I told them I’m not marrying them. But I...I didn’t tell them I was leaving. Or where I was going.”

“Good, that’s good.”

“No,” you shake your head. “It’s not. They’re gonna be mad. I can’t— Oh my god, I can’t go back. Not alone, they’ll—”

“Hey,” Aaron shushes you, walking around the counter to get to you. “Don’t worry about it right now. We’ll figure it out. I’ll go with you. You won’t be alone.”

“Thank you.”

+++

The next morning, you and Aaron head into the office early so you have time to grab your go-bag and change into your work clothes that you left in there.

Thank God for having a job like this where it’s normal to have a few changes of clothes, a toothbrush, deodorant, and anything else you need in a duffle bag under your desk.

You and Aaron are the first people in the BAU, so you’re able to grab your bag and head to the bathroom to change without any questions. Once you return, you stuff the bag back under your desk and sit down, ready to bury yourself in reports for the day.

But before you can, Hotch calls you into his office.

“What’s up?” You ask when you step into the doorway.

“We didn’t eat breakfast,” he says, and that’s when you notice the two coffees and muffins sitting on his desk.

“Oh,” you chuckle. “I completely forgot.”

“Me too,” he smiles. “Here, sit.”

The two of you eat the breakfast in silence, but somehow you don’t mind it. You’re not in much of a talking mood, anyway.

Rossi arrives next and stops by Hotch’s office, not at all surprised to find the two of you eating together, though he does join with his coffee a few minutes later. The silence vanishes with Rossi, leaving laughter in its wake as he tells old stories about Hotch.

When the rest of the team arrives, they follow the noise to Hotch’s office, and soon you’re surrounded by your family. Your real family.

Once eight-thirty rolls around, you all begin to disperse, back to your respective spaces to start working for the day, and everything feels normal.

And then, in a matter of seconds, it isn’t.

The second your eyes land on your partner standing down in the bullpen, you fall to your knees, scaring the shit out of Hotch.

“What happened?” He blurts, kneeling down to you. “Are you okay?”

“No,” you shake your head. “No, no, no...No, Hotch, they’re out there.”

Hotch doesn’t need their name. The fear on your face is enough.

About this time, you hear Derek’s voice growing in volume. The most you can make out is, “Put...down…!” And that’s when your blood runs ice cold.

You pat your right hip, hoping, praying, your weapon is magically there, even though you know it’s not. You put it in the safe when you got home last night. You didn’t have time to grab it before you ran out and drove to Hotch’s place. You left it there, in the safe, because you never think twice about it since it’s locked away.

But now…

“Don’t do this, man,” Derek yells. “Put. It. Down.”

“Where is she?” Your partner yells. “Tell me where she is!”

“I’m not telling you shit until you put the gun down,” Derek says, firmly. You’re frozen in place, on the floor next to Hotch’s desk as you listen.

“They have my gun,” you whisper to Hotch. “I didn’t think they— I don’t know how they knew the code, I change it every week, I thought—”

“Hey, hey, don’t worry,” Hotch shushes you. “You stay here. Do not move. Try to get under my desk if you can.” He pauses. “There’s an extra pistol underneath. I want you to grab it just in case.”

You nod, but then a memory of last night grips you. “No! You can’t go out there!” You hiss, gripping Hotch’s arm.

Outside, you hear Emily’s voice adding to Derek’s, trying to talk your partner down. It’s a scene out of a horror movie. Straight from your worst nightmare.

“They already feel threatened by you, they’ll just shoot you the second they see you.”

“Not when they already have five guns on them.”

“Let me come with you,” you offer.

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Aaron, I have eight years of experience talking them down. I know what I’m doing.”

Hotch doesn’t like that you’re right.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

You nod. You’re shaking all over, but you still nod.

“Okay. Crawl over and grab the pistol from my desk. Tuck it in your waistband, on your back. Go now.”

You stay low as you crawl over, finding the pistol strapped underneath his desk on the right side. Once it’s tucked in your waistband, you stand, facing the window. Hotch stands too, with his back to the blinds, and thank God they’re closed.

“Is she in there?” You hear your partner scream. “Is she with him?”

“Shit,” you mutter. “Shit, shit, shit, they’re gonna fucking kill me.” You hate that the possibility is very real. They have your gun. They could shoot you the second they see you. You’re not wearing any protective gear.

“No,” Hotch replies. “I’m not letting that happen.”

“Come out here, you lying bitch!”

Hotch looks ready to kill your partner himself.

“Babe?” You call out, putting on a false tone, the same one you always use when talking them down. “Babe, what are you doing here?”

You step into the doorway, feeling another frozen chill of fear shoot straight down your spine. They look crazed. Insane, even. Worse than you’ve ever seen, worse than last night, worse than the last eight years.

“Don’t babe me,” your partner seethes, but the gun is still trained on Derek.

You know it makes no sense, but you want them to turn the gun on you. Not Derek. Derek can’t be hurt because of you, not like this.

“Put the gun down,” you say, trying to stay calm and sweet, the way you usually have to be at home.

“I’m not listening to a damn thing you say,” your partner yells, and then the gun turns on you. “There he is.” The gun isn’t aimed at you. It’s on Aaron.

“Put it down,” Aaron’s level voice floats through the terror roaring in your ears. “I won’t ask again.” He shifts and you realize then that he has his own weapon trained on your partner.

“You won’t need to. Come out from behind my fiancé you coward.”

“She’s not your fiancé,” Hotch says. “And you won’t shoot her.”

“Want to bet on it?” Your partner lowers the gun slightly, now pointing it straight at your chest. Strangely, you don’t feel any panic surge through you. It’s telling. That even now, your head is telling you, they won’t hurt me, they never hurt me before.

“Don’t do it,” Derek yells. “I will shoot you, man. Don’t do it. You have six guns pointed at you right now. Do you really want to do this?”

The metal of Aaron’s pistol bites into your lower back when you shift on your heels. Your arms are frozen by your side, too afraid to reach for the gun.

“Put it down,” Rossi yells.

“You’ve got five seconds,” Derek adds. “Don’t make me get to one. Five. Four.”

Your partner’s fingers twitch on the trigger. Aaron catches the movement. Nods once when Derek says three. And on two, Derek pulls the trigger before your partner can do it first.

A broken scream rips from your chest when the bullet lodges itself in your partner’s side, your gun clattering to the ground. Derek steps forward and kicks the gun further away, out of reach.

Hotch lifts you around your waist and pulls you back into his office, kicking the door closed with his foot.

You’re numb to everything as he sits you down on the couch, wrapping his arms around you as you finally sob, letting out every scream that you’ve been holding in.

+++

Your partner is taken to the hospital to be treated for the gunshot wound.

Hotch tells you they won’t stand a chance at being acquitted, too many charges looming over their head already without the addition of domestic violence. You hardly hear his words, but you nod like you do.

He takes care of you while the commotion outside struggles to calm down. A blanket is wrapped around your shoulders, you hug a pillow to your chest, sniffling every few minutes as fresh tears cascade down your cheeks. Spencer brings you a mug of steaming tea that you barely manage to thank him for. Hotch thanks him properly for you before softly shutting his office door.

For months, you’ve been thinking about leaving them. For so long, you’ve wondered what life might be like without them. Now, you don’t know a thing.

You don’t know what to do. Where to go. Will you have to testify in court? If you do, will you have to talk about the...abuse? The abuse that you can barely bring yourself to label blatantly as abuse even though Aaron, your brain, everyone screams at you that that’s what it is — abusive behavior.

When you were a teenager, and even in your early twenties, learning about signs of abusive, unhealthy relationships, you never thought you’d end up in one. You thought surely you’d recognize the first signs and get out of there.

But instead, you did exactly what they said most people do. You brushed them off. You thought, oh, they just love me deeply, that’s all. They want what’s best for me, that’s all. They want me to be safe and protected, that’s all.

And that’s lovely, but there’s a difference. Between caring and controlling.

You never thought the difference would be so hard to see.

“Come on,” Aaron’s soft voice pierces through your thoughts. “Let’s get you out of here.”

You blink. “Where?”

“Wherever you want to go,” he replies gently. “Your apartment?”

Immediately, you shake your head. But then you pause. Because aside from your apartment and the BAU, you have nowhere else to go.

“Would you be comfortable going back to my apartment?” He asks. “I understand if it’s uncomfortable. I’m sure Garcia or Prentiss would be happy to let you stay with them, and I’ll gladly send them home with you.”

As much as you love Garcia and Prentiss, you strangely feel more comfortable with Aaron. After all, Pen and Emily don’t— or didn’t know about your partner’s behavior. Only Hotch knew.

“If you don’t mind, I’m...I’m okay with your place.”

“I don’t mind at all,” he smiles. “The guest room is yours for as long as you need.”

That makes you smile, though the expression feels foreign on your lips. “Don’t you have to stay?”

“It can be dealt with tomorrow,” he replies. “The paperwork will still exist tomorrow at eight a.m.”

“Okay,” you accept defeat. “Can I take this blanket?” You don’t like the idea of this weight leaving your shoulders.

“Of course,” he says.

You fall asleep in the car.

You didn’t mean to, but you were exhausted. And by the time you woke, Aaron had already carried you into his apartment. Startled, you gripped his arm a little too tight, but he shushed you carefully, letting you know you’re safe, he just didn’t want to wake you because you were sleeping so soundly.

He set you down on the guest bed where you tried and failed to get some rest last night, but now, you sleep like a baby.

+++

Months after the incident, the guest room at Aaron’s apartment has become your temporary home.

You still haven’t been back to the apartment you owned with your partner — even though their name is on the lease, not yours. You went once with Aaron to pick up your clothes and anything else important, but it was a quick trip. You were desperate to get out of there.

Aaron didn’t like what he saw. The broken glass, the dents in the walls. The way your body language changed immediately. Your unwillingness to return there is fine by him.

It’s a slow, uphill battle as you begin to heal. Your partner still sits in jail, awaiting their trial date. You know you might have to testify, but you know your team might have to be there as well, so that makes you feel better.

Aaron has been incredibly respectful of your space. You were the one who brought up the idea of carpooling to work, one of you driving every other day, to save on gas for the both of you. He had assumed you wanted to drive on your own and always have your car — which is true, but you didn’t mind riding with him.

He’s the only one your terrified brain doesn’t seem to be scared of.

And you’re not complaining. You’re grateful to feel a small ounce of safety after feeling every sense of unsafe for the past eight years.

+++

Your ex-partner’s trial comes and goes in the following three months. You did testify, along with the rest of your team, the verdict is guilty. Life in prison.

You wept on the steps of the courthouse from the sheer relief of it all.

“They’ll never hurt you again,” Aaron had told you and you didn’t believe him for one second.

Still now, as you know for a fact they are sitting in a prison cell, you have a small fear. But you think you always will.

You continue “rooming” with Aaron — that’s the best way you can think to put it — and you’ve come to really enjoy the weekends when Jack comes over. At the start, Aaron would try to take Jack out to the park to give you time alone, or you’d go spend some time with Penelope, but after a while, you started staying. And after a little while longer, Jack started warming up to you, and expecting your presence.

One weekend, you hear Jack and Aaron playing in the living room while you’re in Aaron’s office, trying to get some work done. And halfway through signing your name on a piece of paperwork, you hear Jack “whispering” to Aaron about you.

“Do you like her?” Jack whispers, but it definitely comes across as more of a soft shout.

Aaron’s eyes widen, and he presses his index finger to his lips. “A lot,” he says, but you don’t hear him — though you were straining pretty hard.

“Me too,” Jack giggles. “Is she your girlfriend?” He teases, poking his dad with his Lego sculpture.

Aaron pokes his son back with his own design. “No, buddy, she isn’t.” Again, you can’t hear him, but Jack’s question made your heart hammer in your chest.

You know you’ve had some feelings begin to develop because truthfully, they were blooming months ago, back when you began having dinner with Aaron. But then everything happened, and you still loved your ex, and things got too complicated.

Now, though, seven months out from the start of it all, the feelings are still there.

Aaron hasn’t made any moves, so you’ve kept silent. You don’t know how much of his good deeds are simply out of his own kindness. And you certainly don’t want to mistake it for something it’s not.

But kids pick up on things adults try hardest to hide.

You continue with your paperwork, listening to them continue to play.

It’s not until after Jack goes home to Hailey that his question is brought up, and it’s only because Aaron asked what was bothering you.

“It’s alright if you don’t want to talk about it,” he says. “But I’m here if you do.”

He’s always here. That’s what made you have a crush on him in the first place, years ago. He’s always there for anyone who needs him.

“I heard you and Jack earlier,” you start. “When he asked if I’m your girlfriend.”

Aaron sighs. “I’m sorry. I think it’s just confusing for him because to him, living together equals relationship since all he’s known is me and Hailey—”

“I’d like to be,” you interrupt his nervous rambling. “If that’s something you’d like, too.”

He blinks a few times, then smiles. “You…” He pauses. “Are you sure?”

“Aaron, I’ve liked you for so long and never said anything—”

“I’ve liked you for so long and never said anything,” he counters. “You’re serious?”

“Very,” you whisper.

When he kisses you, it’s what you’ve longed for all this time. It’s exactly what you’ve been yearning for. It’s exactly the kind of love you know now that you deserve.

Recovery has been messy, and will continue to be messy for some time, but you’ll have Aaron next to you every step of the way. Always.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner one shot #aaron hotchner angst #aaron hotchner fluff #tw domestic violence #tw abuse #criminal minds #version of you song fic #criminal minds songfic #aaron hotchner songfic #version of you #hotch x fem!reader #hotch x reader #hotch x you

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mxtantrights · 3 years ago

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The magic-spy and the bird

the best friends brother trope is in my top 5 tropes. but I've also got a thing for angst. So here we areeeee. enjoy! <3

dick Grayson x f!reader

Jason Todd had asked you specifically to ask his brother out. And he did use the word brother, which you made a point to bring up. He shot it down but still decided to push his message towards you. You should ask Dick out. It wasn’t that simple.

“Jay I don’t think you’ve thought this through.” you said.

He chuckled, “Of course I did. I wouldn’t say it out loud if it wasn’t a well-cooked plan.”

You made a face at him.

“Okay look, all I'm saying is you’ve got nothing to lose. If anything you're way out of his league.” he said and then gulped down the rest of his beer.

You didn’t like beer and so you worked on a Pina colada. You had done the whole beer thing for years now. As a trained spy it was your go-to for missions at bars. Safe to say you were sick of ales, craft beers and everything in between.

“Ah yes, the magic using spy.” you nodded your head.

Jason nodded along with you.

“Exactly. Bird brains would eat that up.” he said.

“And when would I tell him that I knew about his secret identity? Before I tell him about mine or after?” you asked.

Jason sighed and raised his hand for another beer. You rolled your eyes at this. Once he had a thought it was very hard for him to let it go. Especially when it included a thought about people he cared for- no matter how much he claimed the opposite.

“All Im saying is, you never know until you try.”

“What are you a fortune cookie?”

“Fuck off. I’m being serious and I do give great advice you can ask Duke.”

2 DAYS LATER

You look at Caliban with bated breath. He had just gotten info on a magic-based rebellion. Work was tight when you rolled with the good guys for too long of a time. You blame that on two men on your life, Jason and Constantine.

“I’ll put in a good word for you.” he says.

“Thank you, I really appreciate it. And any-”

Before you can finish telling Caliban that he can call in a favor from you at anytime your surroundings change. In a flash you go from one of the underworld crime bars to a room you’ve never been in before.

You look around and sure enough you see the culprit. Constantine.

“There she is!” he smiles.

Not only did he summon you, he did so in front of an audience. Circled around him is Gotham’s crime fighting family. All of them except Jason, Cass and Duke. All of which know about your secret identity and would’ve stopped Constantine from summoning you. The rest of the family are all looking at you liked you’ve grown a second head.

You look down at what you’re wearing. The long sleeve off the shoulder skin tight black dress was the perfect choice for the club you were supposed to be in. Maybe not so much for a meeting with the Bats and his birds.

You look right ahead at Constantine, “I don’t like being summoned.”

“Ah, but you’re the best person I know for this job. I had to get you over here.” he says.

You take a quick look at all the other people in the room. Then at the screen behind them. Your information is plastered on it. Well, the information that you’ve decided to let the government think was yours. Your codename was at the top of the screen.

“Constantine says that you’re the best way into the underworld.” Batman says.

You’re confused to say the least. Constantine was Constantine, why would he call you in order to get them into the underworld when he can do it himself? It defeats the purpose of having to call him.

“I’m sorry,” you direct to Batman and then look at your friend, “I need you to state specifically what I’m needed for.”

Constantine moved from the family over to you. As he did you watched as Nightwing followed him with his own eyes. Now Dick knows you’re not just Jason’s friend from around Gotham. Great.

“Bats got intel that something it going down with this magic group, the-” he starts. “hex mutiny.” you finish.

“You already know about them?” Nightwing says.

“I was just getting someone to put in a good word for me with them before you summoned me here. You’ve got great timing you know that?” you say to Constantine.

He smiles, “Well then it seems like you can be of great service, spygames.”

“And what exactly would I be doing, if I can even get a spot with them?” you throw out the question to the family.

Red Robin crosses his arms, “We need someone on the inside to tell us what they are planning for Gotham.”

“I doubt they’d let a newbie in on their plans.”

“Good thing you won’t be a newbie.” Batman says.

Constantine conjures an amulet in his hand. You want to hit him over the head. He could really be a pain in the ass. You grab it from him.

“With this, you’ll be in the perfect position to get in and get out. Easy.” he says.

You shake your head, “Every time you say that I get a new scar.”

“I promise sweetheart. No scars this time.”

“Yeah yeah, you owe me for this.”

EXACTLY ONE WEEK LATER

You knew you would end up wounded. Typically with Constantine it was nothing deadly, or nothing your own magic couldn’t fix. But you knew that your luck had to run out some day. And it wasn't his fault.

After finding out what the group was really up to you couldn’t just let them operate. They weren’t really rebels. No they used that name to paint a narrative. They were fascists.

You held the wound to your waist to stop the bleeding. This would have to be the farthest you could go. There was no way you could run out of this. Not with the blood seeping through the cracks of your fingers.

At least you brunt the members down to the ash. It took a lot out of you. And that’s why you weren’t prepared for a hit that tore right through you.

“Why aren’t you moving?” Jason, or Redhood, said through the comms.

You leaned against the hallway wall.

At least you’d die someplace pretty. When you first came in you didn't notice how clean and meticulous everything was. There were painting of famous magicians on the walls. Along with some stolen art, a Van Gogh or two.

You ripped the amulet off your neck and felt the illusion fade. The necklace fell to the floor and you let out a pained breath.

“I think,” you coughed and on the clean wall was not splatters of blood, “this is it.”

You could hear Jason shouting on the other end. He was calling out your name, calling out for Constantine to come and help you. Duke was calling for you too. And you could’ve sworn you heard Cass say your name once.

With your only free hand you tried to open a portal out of the base. You knew it would be useless as you had a mortal wound and portal magic works best under no stress and panic, or blood loss. The usual light from your hands glowed faintly until it didn’t.

“Constantine can’t summon you?” Dick asked.

At that you let your body drag down the wall until you reached the floor. When you did sit down more blood came out. So you decided to lay down horizontally.

“Hey hey- I told you I wasn’t gonna let anything happen to you.” you hear Constantine through the comms.

You want to laugh, but it ends out more of a chocked gargle.

“I screwed up the mission. I deserve it.” you said.

“You did good. Better than any of us.” Batman said.

“Constantine you need to call in whatever favors you have to get her out of there. Now!” Jason shouted.

“Dont,” you started.

“No. We’re getting you out of there-”

“Jason, I’m not a saint. I never would’ve imagined going out like this.” you said.

Once you were born you were thrusted in this world. All you knew was to use magic as a weapon. To get ahead, to get power, to get the glory. And that lasted you until you turned 19.

Then Constantine crossed paths with you. He was the one to show you that magic has other uses. Such as helping and healing. You learned the best stuff from him. And you took what you learned and began to help in ways you could.

You didn’t go on the straight and narrow. Never did you consider yourself a morally correct person. Sometimes the lines were blurred, or they need to be blurred. And so you took down seedy organizations, went on recon missions all over the world.

It wasn’t justice. But it was close enough that you could sleep at night or the odd hours of the morning for more than four hours.

“Sweetheart I don’t break my promises.” Constantine said finally.

You were just beginning to feel your eyes grow heavy. The pain was starting to be comfortably numb. Then above you appeared someone you weren’t expecting in the slightest.

“Caliban?” you asked.

“You owe me double.”

4 DAYS LATER

When you woke up you felt battered and weak You weren’t used to these feelings and you weren’t used to being so close to death. Everyday was a new experience when you’re the Priestess of Espionage.

You cracked open one eye to find a couple of deviants at your side. Jason, Duke and Cass. The youngest took the chair next to you while Duke and Jason seemed to take the floor. Since they weren’t in their gear you guessed that you were out for longer than a couple of hours.

“Not my version of hell but I’ll allow it.” you say in a raspy voice.

It wakes everyone up.

Jason and Duke bolt to your bedside.

“Why’d you almost die on me?” and “Are you feeling okay?” come from them both, respectively. It makes you want to laugh but when you feel the ache in your waist you stop yourself.

“I’m alive, so there’s that. Positives.” you answer.

Jason shoots his younger siblings a look and they scurry out the room. You try to sit up to ask what it was for but he puts his hands up for you to stop any movement. So you lay back down.

“He would kill me if you tore your stitches.”

You shut your eyes, “Jason I don’t think Constantine would kill you per say.”

You hear the door opening so you decide to open your eyes. And sure enough you see Jason leaving the room and someone coming in. Dick Grayson, out of his suit as well.

As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t read his face. Besides the clear betrayal that was there. He definitely knew that you knew he’s Nightwing.

“Hi.” you say.

His face softens, “Hi.”

“I just want to say that I would’ve told you about who I am. Sooner that you think actually but this mission kinda derailed all of that.” you say.

With his arm crossed over his chest he nods, “How long did you know I was Nightwing?”

You wince.

“For about two years now. Once Jason told me he was Red it was hard to not notice the similarities of the Wayne family and the Bat one.”

He laughs at that and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. It must be going good if he wants to laugh.

“And when did he tell you that I like you?” he asks.

“He didn’t explicitly say that.”

There’s a beat of silence. You’re looking at him and he’s looking at you. But he’s the one who seems to be holding his breath this time. You try to hide the smirk you feel forming on your lips.

“What?” he asks.

“Jason had told me that I should ask you out. He didn’t say anything about you liking me.” you answer him.

The red tint that covered Dick Grayson was absolutely adorable.

He nods his head to himself. Twice.

“I- I’m gonna get Jason for you.” he moved to the door. And you don’t really know what to say. All your words get jumbled in your brain and you can’t put them together in a way that is smooth enough so you deicide to just try your best.

“If you were to ask me out, I would say yes.” you say.

He looks directly at you. Then his signature smirk appears.

“I’ll bring back some food for later.” he says.

“it’s a date.” you answer.

#dc x reader #Dick Grayson x reader #nightwing x reader #Dick Grayson imagine #nightwing imagine #dc imagine #dc #nightwing #Dick Grayson #Jason Todd x reader #Jason todd imagine

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zvezdacito · 2 months ago

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Standing by what i said that malleus is probably tied with jamil in having the most systemic issue caused OB and circunstances that they really can't just "personally overcome" in a way that isnt just 'erm yolo make the best out of it'

Not to say the rest of the OBers are just whining/ just have to get over their past easily/there were no systemic factors at play at all (systemic vulnerability of children against adults, and azul being from a possibly looked-down-on merspecies was a huge part of why he was singled out) But theyre sort of in a position to walk away from that bad place thats perpetuating the brunt of their sadness and regret

It would be OOC given their ambitions and values but characters like Vil or Leona do HAVE the option to just leave and do something else. Riddle has a chance of cutting off his mom after he graduates and grow further from there. Azul is mostly just dealing with the aftereffects of long past bullying (which is not an easy trauma to overcome regardless of time or age) but since it's no longer presently happening, we can be optimistic that nothing he's currently feeling will be that aggravated, and he can fully move on in the future given his current progress in the story

But even if for example Jamil finally overcame all his internalized baggage regarding centering Kalim and what he does. He's still gonna be bound to the servitude while having to consider his actions' consequences on his family, and no personal action will be the deciding factor on setting him or them free (it's up to Kalim's kindness, which no one can doubt, but that it's literally not up to any personal development Jamil could strive for is the point)

And even if Malleus just "got over" the current few people in his life dying (something he's understandably paranoid about because even the circunstances of his birth are his parents being unexpectedly killed via factors outside their control despite their power) and he did become more mindful, he still has the colonial/wartime consequences in his country affecting everything he does and has to do. This would also prevent him from just making new friendships and etc (because his responsibility needs him to be a symbol before a person)

Also its not like Malleus didnt already try to be selfless and suck it up. The whole reason his OB happened is literally because he did TOO MUCH of that causing him to snap at the opportunity Imao

Malleus probably also has the pressure of not letting his parents' sacrifices be in vain making sure he can never just easily walk away from his childhood conditioning even if it seems simple from an outside perspective

TLDR for this part: If push came to shove, unlike others Jamil and Malleus do not even HAVE the choice to presently leave (without screwing over family and other people relying on them anyway)

I guess apart from the both of them, there's also Idia being (literally) cursed to be the styx heir. But in my opinion staying there is not what mainly aggravated his guilt and self-loathing so its not as intrinsic of a factor despote also being smth he cant just walk away from. (This is just my judgement of it tho Idia fans correct me if im wrong about how much being trapped as STYX heir is separable or inseparable from Idia's OB trauma)

But meanwhile for Jamil and Malleus the systemic circumstances they can't walk away from ARE whats directly perpetuating their immediate struggles. Even if they did have some realizations and make an effort to be better, not being able to escape the environment constantly demanding this response from them would make it very hard to not relapse into those toxic behaviors and mindsets

So yeah this was a pretty disorganized ramble mostly just raw stream of thoughts. I blame people choosing to interpret overblotters in exceedingly inconsiderate ways on Book 1 Ace /j

Ace of course said it in a very blunt way because that's what fits his character and at the moment that was needed to start a chain reaction of events/finally pushing Trey to action after years of fear. BUT IT DOESN'T LITERALLY MEAN THE ONLY REASON ABUSE VICTIMS ACT TRAUMATIZED IN THE YEARS TO COME IS BECAUSE "THEY JUST KEEP LETTING IT HAPPEN" 😭😭😭 Bro we are the omniscient audience we have the benefit of being able to come to more nuanced, rational and well-rounded conclusions because we're outside looking in why are we still thinking like this

^ Described Riddle's case specifically for this but this applies to how people talk about most of the overblotter's trauma and how they act because of it lol😭

malleus is not a “tragic character”

Born late

no parents

took 200 years to hatch

isolated

Separated from his father

snuck out to visit family

alone and worshipped

can’t express himself

….not tragic…right 🫠

#notice how ace gradually got written out of subsequent books? its because what he said in Book 1 dont really apply to the scale of what a-#-literal indentured servant since childhood has been dealing with lmao #/hj on the ace slander tho because people also ironically over-villainize him for being a mildly annoying teenage boy sometimes but yeah #CW child abuse mention

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dameronology · 3 years ago

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Can you Please do number 4 OR number 1 with Matt

matt murdock + 4) "i can't call you a stranger, but i can't call you" - tell me how, paramore

Matt knew your body inside and out; he had your little mannerisms and all your cues. Nobody else noticed how much your voice dropped when you were stressed, or the fact you walked ever so slightly faster when you were excited. Not even you knew that your heart picked up every time you were around someone you loved, or that the tips of your fingers were a little drier than your hands because you always forgot to moisturise them. Your body, to him, was like a map; one that he'd explored and knew well. One that he didn't need to read, but took joy in memorising.

It was all a memory now, though. Matt still remembered it as though it were fresh in his mind from this morning but it had been months since he'd heart your heart or felt his hands in yours. It was coming up on a year, in fact; a year since you'd finally had enough and walked away. And it was funny, really - because Matt constantly went out your way to remind you of how great you were and how much you deserved. It was in remembering that worth he always preached about that you realised you'd deserved better than all those miscalls and late nights. All the days you went without hearing from him, all the arguments you'd had in which he'd danced around lies and fed you a bunch of bullshit. Even though he loved you more than anything in the world, it just wasn't enough. There wasn't enough time in the world for the man to be a lawyer, a vigilante and a partner.

So he'd sacrificed the latter - perhaps with your blessing, perhaps not so much.

Eleven months had passed and maybe you were good now. Not because you'd spoken and agreed to be, but because it felt like enough time for things to have cooled down. You'd probably taken the brunt of the break-up and if you were okay now, you figured Matt should have been too. He'd probably taken out his frustrations in his own way; on criminals, most likely. You'd just binged ten seasons of Friends and called time on your grieving.

So, when you saw him across a crowded room, you didn't feel the need to runaway. He was with Foggy, who you considered to be a friend - even if you'd met him through Matt, and consequently lost him a little in the break-up. There were no hard feelings there, either. It was only natural for him to get custody, right? Even though Foggy wasn't a child, and you and Matt had never been married (even though there had been times when both those statements were debatable).

"Matt!" you called his name with some kind of uncertain gusto.

He turned around from the pool table, looking as gorgeous as ever; tousled hair, five o'clock shadow, sleeves unevenly pulled up around his elbows and tie loosened. That was your favourite version of him. He wasn't work Matt, or vigilante Matt. He was just Matt. Hanging out with his friends, beer in one hand and a pool cue in the other. That's how you'd met him, and it was how you liked to remember him.

"Wow, hi," the lawyer greeted you with a smile.

He was stood with a blonde woman - she was tall and slender and beautiful, and had a warm smile. From the way she was stood, you didn't think she was involved with your ex. Why was that even a concern of yours? Just natural, you figured. Some part of you would always love him and hence, some part of you would always want him to be yours (of course, he always would be - in the same way some part of him would always want you to be his).

"I forget you guys always hang out here," you said. "I just stopped in to use the restroom, to be honest."

"They're disgusting, right?" the blonde chimed in.

"Oh, awful," you replied. "I don't know how Josie keeps this place open."

"Well, she has some pretty good lawyers," she grinned. "I'm Karen, by the way. The unofficial secretary of Nelson & Murdock."

"Nice to meet you," you tried to hide the relief in your voice. She was just the secretary. You stuck out your hand, offering your own name in return.

"Did I just hear who I thought I heard?" the cries of the drunker half of Nelson & Murdock came across the bar. "Oh my god, I did! It's you! It's really you!"

"Hi, Foggy - oof!" you greeted the lawyer, letting out a squeak as your chests collided in a tight hug.

"It's so good to see you here!" he exclaimed. "And you've met Karen, too!"

"How do you guys know each other?" Karen kindly asked.

Ah yes, the question you were dreading. She hadn't visibly reacted when your name had been revealed, which lead you to believe that Matt probably hadn't said anything too incriminating. He was habitually keeping to himself now, letting the introductions play out before he stepped back in.

"College," you quickly said.

"Oh, we were friends alright!" Foggy grinned, turning his attention to Karen. "I had the BIGGEST crush on them, but so did Matt, but we were all friends, and then they were way more than friends for - what was it? Like five years? Then they broke up and they were really not friends after that, and...oh no, I've made it awkward, haven't I?"

"I think it was awkward before that," Matt bit his lip. "But you certainly haven't helped the case."

"What Foggy is saying, is that..." you trailed off. Actually, what the fuck was Foggy saying?

"We're not exactly strangers," Matt finished the sentence for you.

It was a weird position to be in. One day you'd been each other's everything, and now you'd gone eleven months without speaking. You were the opposite of strangers, but you definitely couldn't pick up the phone to call him for a chat, or to wish him a happy birthday. There was some kind of weird middle ground; your relationship was history. Your relationship had a lot of history, before the thing itself became history. Just a lot of...the past being the past. Even if it sucked.

"Since you're not exactly strangers," Karen began. "I propose you join us for a drink."

You glanced over at Matt for some kind of signal- and even though he couldn't physically see it, you knew that he'd know. That was all but confirmed when he gave you a subtle thumbs up, hand disguised by the pool-stick so that only you could see it.

"It is a Friday," you said. "I guess one drink won't hurt."

Matt smiled to himself, giving a solid nod. He'd missed you more than he cared to admit - you'd been a pretty foundational pillar in his life. It had gone a little tits-up since you'd left but he'd learnt to adjust, even if it meant making his own coffee in the morning and just hoping that his hair looked okay without your tired input.

And as you walked to the bar, he couldn't help but notice how your heart was picking up a little.

#asks #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock imagine #matt murdock x you #matt murdock imagines #matt murdock fic #daredevil x reader #daredevil imagine #daredevil x you

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flightlessangelwings · 4 years ago

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Save You

Din Djarin x gn!reader

Word count: 3k

Warnings: hurt/comfort, injury, blood, mild canon-typical violence, protective!Din, blindfolds, feelingssssss, my love of Pedro Pascal’s nose really shines through here

It was nothing new for you to follow the Mandalorian headfirst into danger. It was part of life as his partner, and though you had many scars and bruises from your chosen life, you had no complaints. You grew to care greatly for the bounty hunter and when the little green child joined, you quickly became attached to him as well. And you knew that Mando did too, though he was more reserved with his emotions and feelings.

He protected both you and the child, and he taught you how to better defend yourself as well. That way you could take care of yourself should anything happen. Mando wanted you to become more capable, especially now, since the child was around. You liked that he had that much respect for you to treat you as an equal, and you gladly accepted the risks of life with him.

You and the Mandalorian found yourself in a damp, dark planet on the trail of another bounty. He led the way through a series of tunnels of what looked like an old mine. You stayed close behind him with the child securely strapped to your chest for safety. You had your blaster ready in your head should anything jump out from around the corner, but so far the only movement was from you and Mando.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” you whispered as you listened to the steady beep of the tracking fob in Mando’s hand.

“Just stay close,” was all he offered in reply. Truthfully, he wasn’t completely confident either, but he didn’t want to alarm you. Ever since you and the child entered his life, his number one priority was to keep you both safe.

Just as you were about to say something, the tracking fob grew louder and the beeps became more rapid; you were close. Mando nodded to you and you raised your weapon as you stayed at his side. The tunnel was dark, but the light in his hand illuminated the way. You vaguely wondered who would hide down here where it was so dark and dusty. But then again, it provided the perfect cover for someone who didn’t want to be found.

The tunnel seemed to come to an end, and although the fob beeped wildly, there was no sign of anyone else around. You met Mando’s gaze for a moment before you both looked around to investigate. You were in a mostly empty space. It was clear that the crew who had been in this cave had quickly left their digging. The area was littered with abandoned tools and boxes, but there wasn’t a soul around.

You stepped towards a larger box that had material piled on top to get a better look when you noticed something odd. There seemed to be a small light at the top of the pile, and it looked like it had been placed there more recently. Something was off, and the Mandalorian sensed that as well. The child cooed inquisitively and you gently pat his head to keep him quiet.

“Hey Mando…” your voice was muted to not draw attention in case anyone lurked in the shadows.

He stepped up closer to you for a better look at what caught your attention. He cocked his head to the side but said nothing as he watched you reach out to investigate. Carefully, you poked at the source of the little light, but the moment your hand grazed the material the two of you froze as you both realized what it was.

It was a bomb. This was a trap.

Mando reacted quickly as he grabbed your hand and yanked you back. “Run.” The urgency in his voice was clear as he moved with haste to get you and the child out of danger.

Everything happened in a blur. You and Mando started to run, but you didn’t get too far before the explosive went off. There was enough space so you were not in direct line of fire, but it wasn’t far enough that you wouldn’t be severely hurt. The cavern lit up around you before you heard the explosion and by the time you turned around, it was too late.

But the Mandalorian was faster, and without a second thought, he jumped in front of you to shield you and the child from the brunt of the explosion. You ducked your head down and wrapped your arms around the child to try to protect him as best you could. Despite your best attempt, you were knocked off your feet from the force of the blast.

Luckily for you all, it was not a particularly strong detonator. However, you were still close enough for it to do some damage. You hit the ground with a loud grunt, and you had enough forethought to land yourself on your side to not hurt the child. He cried out, but was completely unhurt. Mando landed right next to you with a harder thunk, and you knew right away that was not a good sign. He laid on his back, and you saw that his chest barely moved.

“Din? Din!” In your panic you used his real name as you crawled over to him and shook his shoulder. You heard a soft groan through his modulator, but he stayed still.

A rustle of movement caught your attention, and you acted on instinct and shot the intruder without hesitation. In the low light, you vaguely made out the features of the bounty you both had been after, but that was the last thing on your mind right now.

With a heavy exhale, you lowered your blaster and looked down to check on the child. With a sigh of relief that he was ok, you pat the top of his head. “I need your help, little guy,” you choked back tears as you knew you had to be fast. “We need to get him back to the ship and I can’t carry him by myself.”

The child looked up at you with his big eyes and blinked once before he turned to look down at his father-figure. He seemed to understand and he lifted his little hand and closed his eyes on concentration. You watched with bated breath as Din’s body slowly rose up from the ground. Once he was more upright, you wrapped one arm around his waist and positioned one of his arms over your shoulders. Together, you and the child managed to get the Mandalorian back to the ship.

Luckily, the quarry seemed to be alone, and you didn’t encounter anyone else on the agonizing trek back to the Crest. You locked up the cargo bay behind you and carefully set Din down on the floor against the back wall in the main hull. The child slumped back against your body in exhaustion as you unfastened him from your chest and set him down in his pram.

“You ok?” you asked the child in a soft voice as you caressed his face. When he cooed at you, you smiled down at him. “Thanks for your help. I’ll take care of him. I promise.” You tried to hide the fear in your voice for the baby’s sake.

He seemed content with your words and slumped back into the pram and watched quietly as you hurried back to Din. You rummaged through your things until you found the med kit. You rushed back and sat down at his side as you checked over his injuries. Thankfully, the beskar seemed to shield his body well enough for the most part, but because you were so close to the detonator, some shrapnel got lodged underneath.

With trembling hands, you took off Din’s armor piece by piece and pushed the shredded fabric to the side to work on healing his injuries. Blood soaked his clothing, and you fought to keep your breathing steady while you worked. Din leaned back against the wall and watched you work through his visor. The helmet hid the fond expression he wore though half lidded eyes as you frantically raced against time to help him.

Your own hands stained red with his blood, but you didn’t care. You just kept whispering to him as you kept your eyes trained on the wounds.

“Hang on, Din.”

“You’re going to be alright.”

“I can’t lose you… Please…”

“Just one more bacta patch should do it.”

With a heavy sigh, you finally sat back and took in his slumped over form in front of you. Din barely moved since you set him down, and though you managed to close most of his wounds, you could tell his breathing still was labored. Fear ran through your veins as you noticed that blood dripped down his neck and realized there must be an injury underneath his helmet as well. Your hands rested on his chest as tears formed in your eyes.

Din must have read your thoughts, because he slowly rested his hands over yours and whispered your name in a weak voice.

“I know, I know,” you couldn’t hide the way your voice trembled. You looked around the hull as you tried to come up with a plan. As much as you couldn’t lose the man in front of you, you also knew how important his creed was to him and you would never ask him to break it. “There has to be a way…”

Din took in a breath to say something, but you unknowingly cut him off with an exclamation. His hand twitched on top of yours as he slightly tilted his head to the side in a questioning glance. “What is it?”

You met his visor with a newfound fire in your eyes, “I have an idea. But I need you to trust me.”

His grip on your hand tightened ever so slightly, “I trust you,” he said your name and you could feel the confidence in his voice, however weak it was.

With a nod, you broke away from him and reached out for a piece of medical wrap from the med kit. From the far corner of the room, the child cooed inquisitively; he had watched you from his pram the entire time, but was too tired from using his powers to be of much help. You looked over and met his gaze before you crossed the space to address him.

“I need you to keep this on, buddy. Ok?” You spoke in a soft voice as you tore off a smaller piece of cloth and hovered it over his eyes. You dropped it for a moment to give him your pinky instead. The child seemed to understand and he reached out and wrapped his little hand around your finger as he cooed softly in response. You gave him a smile as you tied the fabric securely around his eyes. “I’m trusting you here.”

The child started to reach up but he didn’t touch the fabric around his eyes. You watched him for a moment, and only when you were satisfied that he wouldn’t remove the cloth did you turn back to Din. You settled in front of him again as you secured your own makeshift blindfold. The Mandalorian watched with bated breath as he realized what your plan was. He made no attempt to move as you slowly reached out for his helmet once you took away your sight.

You held your breath as you rested your hands on either side of his helmet, “Din,” your voice was barely audible as you waited for him to make the final call. A gasp escaped your throat when you felt his own hands over yours again and together you slowly lifted his helmet off.

There was a tense silence in the room as Din took a deep breath of fresh air for the first time. You let go of the helmet and brought your hands back to yourself as you waited for him to set it down. When you heard the soft thud, you broke the silence, “I’m going to need you to guide my hands.”

Din let out a heavy breath of his own, “Alright,” he didn’t trust himself to say anything more, and the sound of his raw voice took you both by surprise.

Carefully, Din took your hands in his own as he led them to the med kit. Slowly, the two of you worked together to set bacta on the wounds that bled at the back of his head. You knew your lips trembled, and you figured he noticed, but he never said anything. Din hissed in pain when you put some bacta cream on the back of his head, and you whispered a soft apology in response.

When Din was sure there was enough to cover the last injury, he let go of your hands. But, instead of letting go, your hands lingered against him. You couldn’t resist the temptation, and you still had adrenaline pulsing through your system, so you ran your hands through his hair. It was damp from sweat and blood, but it was still surprisingly soft. You were careful and tender with your movements. You kept your touch light so you wouldn’t hurt him and he could lift your hand away if he wanted to.

But Din found that he didn’t want to, and he let you run your hands through his hair a few times. He sighed softly as your hands came to the front of his face and you brushed a lock of his hair off his forehead. Your fingertips traced over his face as if you tried to figure out what he looked like from touch. Din closed his eyes as you cupped his jaw with one hand while the other trailed down his nose.

You couldn’t help but smile at the feel of his skin under your hands. And though you didn’t voice it out loud, you were already fond of the shape of his nose. The hand that roamed over his face came to rest on the side of his jaw as you cupped Din’s head in your hands. You bit your lip as you tranced your thumb across his cheek, and you didn’t even realize how close your finger came to his lips until you felt his breath against your skin.

“I’m sorry,” you gasped suddenly as you started to pull your hands away, “That was overstepping. I….”

Just as you started to move your hands away, Din reached out and grabbed onto you gently. Your mouth fell open as a small gasp escaped your lips, and you tensed when you felt him place your hands back on his face.

“You didn’t overstep,” his voice was soft, and you felt his breath on your hands.

Din rested one hand over yours to keep you in place while he reached out for you with the other. His hand cupped your chin, which startled you. He was just as slow and careful with his movements as he brought you in close to his body. You fumbled, more clumsy without your sight, but you settled yourself in his lap as you faced him and you froze when you realized how intimate the position was.

The child, who stayed quiet the entire time, perked his ears up and cooed softly. He seemed to sense the growing tension in the room and he reached over and blindly searched for the button on the front of his pram. He slumped back to lay down as the top cover closed and gave you and Din more privacy. Din noticed the action out of the corner of his eyes, and he smiled slightly before he turned his attention back to you.

He felt you tremble in his grasp, and the nerves that radiated from your body were almost palpable. “It’s alright,” Din whispered as his lips hovered over yours.

“Din…” your voice was so hushed that he barely even heard you.

The Mandalorian’s eyes dropped down to your lips for a brief moment before he closed the gap between your bodies. The kiss was soft and light at first; he just tested the waters for now. But when you sighed and leaned into his touch, Din wrapped one of his arms around you and pulled you so that you were flush against him. You moaned into his mouth as you deepened the kiss. One of your hands stayed on his jaw while the other dropped down to clutch at his shoulder.

Din winced slightly at the touch, but it was nothing compared to the pain he felt before you patched him up. Besides, he would rather feel a slight sting if it meant you stayed connected to him. Din wasn’t ready to let you go just yet, not when he finally felt your touch for the first time. It was a feeling unlike any other, and he was already addicted to you.

You smiled into the kiss as you felt the warmth and security from Din’s grasp. If you were honest with yourself, you wanted this for so long, but you kept your feelings buried. But now that you had it, you never wanted to let it go. You never wanted to let him go.

“Thank you.” Din finally spoke as he broke away just enough to breathe.

“For what?” you furrowed your brows.

“For saving my life,” you could hear the grin in his voice as his thumb brushed over your skin.

You leaned in for another kiss before you smiled against him and spoke in a hushed voice that held so much emotion, “Thank you for saving mine.” A muffled coo from the corner of the room called your attention and you let out a short laugh, “Our lives,” you corrected yourself.

Din smiled against your face and made sure you felt it, “Of course,” he kept his response short and left it unsaid that he would do anything to keep you and the child safe. You both meant more to him than anything in the galaxy and there wasn’t anything Din wouldn’t do for you both. But for now, he was content to be safe in the hull of the Crest with you both, and for him to feel you against his bare skin was more than he could ever have asked for.

Notes: I love me some good hurt/comfort with Din so much and this idea just came to me randomly and I had to write it! As always, taglists are open so let me know if you’d like to be added :) And let me know what you think of this one too!

#the mandalorian x reader #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian x you #din djarin x you #the mandalorian imagine #din djarin imagine #the mandalorian #din djarin #the mandalorian fic #mando x reader #mando #pedro pascal character fanfiction

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