#it’s not that hard and i shouldn’t be struggling this much
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
now that I got he appreciation post out of the way I’ll yap about what I loved the most about this whole scene because was a fucking masterpiece.
1. He looks fucked out and I’m going insane. His heavy breathing was blasting through my headphones and, although that is something that usually annoys me during these scenes, it was done carefully and tastefully. It felt natural and real, not overplayed, not overkilled, but raw and perfectly genuine.
2. Anyone else devastated by the absolute adorableness of this moment? Just me? This was such a cute short thing that casts light into their relationship. They’re both actually very carefree people, always have been, even if Jack had a hard time coming back to his true self. This moment felt so intimate and relaxed. From trying to make the other submit, playfully and sensually, they both pause here and quickly take a breather to gauge each other and decide how is this going to happen before Jack takes the lead again. These are truly Jack and Joke.
3. Wall slamming. It’s one of the cliches I absolutely devour. Ever since episode 1 I knew they would be the kind to do this. I knew their NC would be like this. They want each other too much, they’re gonna take and take and take.
4. No awkward stripping. Just desperate. The moment characters strip have always felt so unnatural for me. This was done hastily and they stumble and it doesn’t look pretty because it shouldn’t. They have wanted each other for too long for them to wait another second in getting themselves naked. Joke is so desperate he struggles with taking Jack’s shirt off and he doesn’t care nor slows down. It adds on the realness of it all.
5. More wall slamming. Dear god I’m unwell. No further words.
6. He was stupid hot for this. They are possessed. As they should be. There’s tenderness and roughness at the same time in their movements and touches, casting light on the fact they love each other but are desperately hungry for each other’s body. They never let you forget that, not once.
7. Did you hear my screams? I was not expecting that. What I’ve seen happen many times on BL NC scenes, is that there is a high contrast done in between the couple when it comes to portraying desire. Usually it’s only one of them that is more vocal or physical about it, while the other takes it and follows. Yin and War have mentioned they don’t want their characters to stick to one dynamic, and it shows a lot in this whole scene. They both are perfectly capable of taking the lead, they both want to take the lead, they both want to submit. They are equals. And that’s always gonna be that way.
The power play, the switching, the rolling in the sheets, the CONSENT, the loving looks, the gentle touches, the rough touches, the pauses, the desperation, the desire.
they did it all. not one single thing missing.
they deserve nothing less than a standing ovation.
yinwar, you did it again
#god I hope they get all the profit they deserve and then some#holy shit#jack and joker the series#jack and joker u steal my heart#jack and joker series#jack and joker#jack & joker#jackjoke#jackjoker#yinwar#yin anan wong#yin anan#war wanarat#thai bl#thailand#bl series#bl drama#thai bl drama#thai drama
345 notes
·
View notes
Note
I love your writing and I love that you’re having fun with it even more! It baffles me how good you are with coming up with different dynamics for each of your storylines and they all work so well. My favorite has to be tfp megs. Maybe it’s a guilty pleasure but something about the fake hating or the taboo codependency really scratches a specific itch on my brain.
I know it’s a very satisfying dynamic to write. This one is a bit earlier than I’d planned, but I wanted to get it down while it was in my head.
And you guys crack me up sometimes. I’ve seen one of y’all call Optimus ‘Pee Paw’ in reblog tags and now TFP Megs is ‘Space Crack Grandpa.’
Broken Arrow Pt 9
TFP Megatron x Reader
• You’re frozen against him, body arching into his where his denta are gripping you. He’s shocked you so badly you don’t know how to respond apparently. There’s a faint unease at your stillness, that maybe he finally pushed a bit too hard. It’s only when he bites just a tiny bit harder that you snap out of it and smack a palm against the side of his helm. “Get off, you jerk. Who bites someone?” And there’s the anger he enjoys so much. Laughing again as you try to shove his head away and he lets you, aware of your soft, warm hands gripping his helm, your face red and furious.
• And he’s laughing again, so messed up he finds your frustration hilarious as you keep your grip on his helm to keep him from trying to bite you again. That bare prick of his denta on you had broken through the shock of the not entirely unpleasant feel of that bite. “You shouldn’t do that crap,” you mutter, trying to maintain that frustrated anger, but worry creeping in to your tone. “At this rate, the Autobots won’t have to do anything. You’re so messed up, you’ll probably fall out of the ship and do it for them.”
• Those hands are unbelievably soft on him, fingers gripping his helm to try and keep his face out of biting range as you scowl up at him. “Don’t tell me you’re worried about me,” he asks, grinning as he catches one of your wrists and feels you immediately try to tug loose as he considers nipping those little fingers. Wanting to just because he can, just to feel you shudder against him again.
• Trying to get your hand back, you plant the other one in the center of his chest. “Don’t flatter yourself,”you mutter. “I’d shove you myself if I could.” He’s not letting go, but there’s a new, calculating gleam in his optics that makes your skin prickle all over. Because on that stuff? There’s no telling where his processor just went or what he might do. Like rasp the claws of his other hand down his chest, those armor panels shifting to reveal something pulsing with light, something alive that pulls at you and you realize it’s his bare spark. ‘That’s how you end a Cybertronian,’ his words come back to you and you suddenly want loose. Want him to close those panels up, because seeing this is uncomfortably intimate. “Cut it out.”
• “Don’t tell me you’ve had a change of heart, pet?” Servos tightening on your wrist to force your hand closer to his spark, you suck in a sharp breath and try to lean away, eyes widening in alarm. “Don’t you still want to end me?” Knows he should stop, let go. Because you’re not playing along, there’s something very much like real panic in your eyes as you struggle against him, then shudder violently when his spark reacts. Reaching out a tendril of energy to meet your shaking fingers and now he’s frozen.
• Warmth spins through you at that contact, you can feel him as those tendrils of spark energy curl about your fingers. And you’re not fighting to get away anymore, you’re surrendering to that feeling of falling into him like plunging into deep, still waters that are churning violently just under the surface. Fractured sensations and memories spin you about, too chaotic and alive for you make any sense of. Just knowing that this is him, all of him. Drowning in him, feeling your heart struggling, missing beats. Hurting.
• That contact runs electric through him until he’s jerking you closer to strengthen it without even thinking. He’d only meant to make you angry, to provoke you, but as awareness washes over him in a warm fall like summer rain, he’s suddenly painfully sober. You’re only a human, but he can sense something there that’s not a spark, but close. Something even more achingly fragile than you are as your head falls forward against his shoulder and he can’t move even though he needs to break that contact, shove you away to save himself. You’re just a sparkless organic. And what he feels isn’t a spark, but something that might as well be one entangling with him, slipping soft as a sigh through him as his servos tighten against you. Realizing just how bad a mistake he’d just made.
Previous
129 notes
·
View notes
Text
Parting Words of Regret
(Alternately, Jason left Damian with the LoA to start getting revenge on Bruce and the others who wronged him in Gotham. He reunited with his little brother upon returning to his family, but things aren’t the same.)
Damian’s studying in his room.
“Hey, buddy,” Jason says from behind him.
“Hello,” Damian replies, turning to face Jason. “Why do you look guilty? Did you spike Ommi’s coffee again?”
Jason smiles. “No, nothing like that. I just have something I wanna talk to you about.”
“What is it?”
“I have to go.”
“Go where?”
“Going to do some training before I go back to Gotham.”
“So you’re not coming back?”
“I am coming back, just once I’ve dealt with Bruce.”
Damian’s face gets hard. “So you’re not coming back. You and I both know that if Grandfather couldn’t beat him, then you can’t.”
“I know him better than Ra’s does.”
“Don’t go.”
“You know I have to. I’m sorry that I have to leave you.”
“No, you’re not. Go.”
“Damian…”
“Go deal with your strife and we can talk once it’s done.”
Jason pulls Damian into a hug, which Damian barely accepts. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Don’t make that promise.”
Two years Later
It’s been a long three months. Three months since Jason joined back into the Wayne family. Damian made no sign that he recognized Jason, so Jason’s been pretending that he doesn’t recognize his little brother. Jason’s reading in the living room of the manor because he’s waiting on Bruce to show up so he can try to talk him out of making him get a GED. Damian storms into the house and goes straight for Jason. He almost gets to Jason when he stops. He gets this angry kitten look, then turns and storms upstairs. Jason feels a pang of sadness and shifts uncomfortably.
Bruce walks in. “Where did Damian go?”
Jason points to the stairs.
“He got suspended for fighting.”
“That’s what he was taught to do when he has a problem, but I find it unlikely that he started a fight.”
“Why? I mean, I know he didn’t start the fight, but what makes you think that?”
“Common sense,” Jason answers, dodging the real answer as best he can.
Bruce heads up the stairs and Jason decides that it isn’t worth having this fight today. Jason heads into the kitchen and starts making a sandwich. Tim comes down.
“Shouldn’t you be at work?” Jason asks.
“Shouldn’t you be at school?” Tim replies.
“Fair. Do you want a sandwich?”
“No, I ate lunch at a normal time, not two o’clock in the afternoon.”
“Lucky you, I guess.”
“I do have a meeting to go to, so I’ll be back.”
“Bye, Tim.”
Tim heads out and Jason ends up spending the rest of the day in his room, skipping dinner. All the little things are really getting to him concerning Damian. He’s used to his little brother running over to very aggressively tell him that they have to spar or he’ll commit a murder. Or that he’s just been struggling with his grandfather’s impossible standards for him. Damian would tell him everything. He ends up falling asleep without coming to a consensus on what he’s gonna do considering he hasn’t slept much the last week.
The explosion buries Jason in debris. He can’t breathe, he struggles to get out from under the rubble. He feels himself losing consciousness and he cries out for his dad one time before losing consciousness.
Jason wakes up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. He sees a small pair of eyes at his door.
“Dami?”
“Are you alright?” Damian asks.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” Jason answers between breaths.
“Alright, goodnight.”
Jason’s door shut and footsteps retreating. Tears spring up in Jason’s eyes and he aggressively tries to rub them away.
I deserve that. I left a little kid.
Jason lays back down and tries to fall asleep again. Instead, he spends the rest of the night wide awake. He’s exhausted, but he can’t seem to fall asleep.
“Jason, breakfast!” Dick shouts.
Jason groans, then gets up and heads downstairs.
“You look…” Dick starts, but Jason cuts him off.
“Comment on it, and I’m going to take out your knees.”
Jason sits down at the breakfast table and everyone’s there. Jason glances at his watch and remembers that it’s a Saturday. Breakfast is rowdy, but Jason avoids talking to anyone. Dick keeps trying to make conversation with him, but he shuts it down with one to three word answers. He gets up and heads down to the Batcave to blow off steam and hopefully tire himself out enough to sleep. He doesn’t tire himself out enough and he spends the day mostly like a zombie.
That night on patrol, a major villain attacks, bringing all hands on deck for damage control. Jason’s dealing with civilians when he sees Damian running. Damian trips and falls, and he looks terrified.
“Damian!” Jason runs towards his younger brother and scoops him up quickly.
Damian blinks slowly. “Jay?”
“Yeah, I’m here. You’re safe.”
Damian grabs his jacket and puts his head on Jason’s chest. “Don’t leave me again, please.”
“Is Robin okay?” Tim asks. “He got hit with a gas and he made a run for it immediately.”
“I’ve got Robin, he’s alright,” Jason says. “I’m gonna take him home.”
“Do that,” Bruce replies. “I don’t want him in harm's way if he’s been gassed. Run blood tests when you get back. If he needs it, get him to Leslie.”
“I will.”
Jason takes Damian back to the Batcave and easily distracts Damian so he can get his blood.
“That’s it,” Jason says. “That was easy.”
“What was easy?” Dick asks. “How is he?”
“Still fine, and getting blood.”
It gets quiet on comms. Jason ignores it and starts running tests, keeping Damian held against his chest.
“How did you do that easily?” Dick asks. “I need you to teach me that.”
“Maybe later,” Jason replies. “His blood’s got some drugs, but none that will do any lasting damage.”
“That’s good,” Tim says.
“Keep an eye on him, Hood,” Bruce says. “At least till I get back.”
“Will do, boss. Signing off.”
Jason pulls his comm out. “Do you wanna change?”
Damian nods, so Jason puts him down. The two change, then Jason picks Damian back up. He carries him upstairs and they settle down on the couch. Damian falls asleep not long after getting settled. Jason runs his hand through Damian’s hair, careful not to make contact with the healing injury near the front of his scalp. He makes sure to keep up on where Damian’s injuries are.
“I’m sorry I left you, buddy,” Jason whispers.
Damian makes a soft noise and turns a bit, but doesn’t wake up. Jason’s chest feels tight and he forces back tears. He pulls Damian a little closer and puts his cheek against Damian’s head.
“I love you.”
Jason ends up falling asleep too. He wakes up hearing the door slam shut. The sun is out, so he slept for a while.
“I’m here!” Dick calls out.
Jason looks and Damian’s still asleep.
“Shut up, Dickie,” Jason hisses.
Dick pokes his head into the room and his face lights up like a Christmas tree.
“Don’t you even…”
“Awww. Look at you two.”
Jason glares at him until he raises his hands.
“I’m gonna go find Dad. Love you, Jay.”
“Get out.”
Dick goes upstairs, so Jason returns his attention to Damian. He gently picks his younger brother up and takes him up to his room. Once he’s covered up and still soundly sleeping, Jason heads to his room. He spends an hour in the shower, then heads down to the Batcave. He starts wrapping up his hands so he can punch the punching bag. Damian comes down and goes right over to Jason.
“Hey,” Jason says.
“May I speak with you privately?” Damian asks Jason.
Jason stops mid-taping up his hands. “You mean without cameras? Because we’d have to take a walk.”
“That is fine with me.”
“M’kay, let me finish this up and we can go,” Jason replies, continuing to tap up his hands.
Damian walks over and holds out his hand. Jason hands him the tape without hesitation. Damian starts taping up his hands quicker than Jason was doing it, but just as carefully. Jason smiles a little as his brother finishes taping up his hands.
“You’re slow. Let’s go.”
Jason gets up and follows Damian upstairs to the living room. Damian grabs a jacket and offers Jason his.
Jason takes it. “Thank you.”
Once they’re out of the house, Damian sighs. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“Don’t want to do what anymore?” Jason asks.
“Pretending that we didn’t know each other before. You seem to want to, but I don’t want to keep this up.”
“Hey, I just did it because you didn’t act like you recognized me when I got back.”
Damian cuts his eyes at Jason. “I did it when you first came back. Like to Gotham.”
“Oh. Well, I feel stupid. I never want you to do something you don’t want to do, buddy. Except eat your vegetables.”
“It’s just cauliflower and it tastes horrible,” Damian replies. “You can’t make me eat it.”
Jason smiles and puts a hand on Damian’s shoulder. “I was just thinking about how I couldn’t keep this up.”
“Because of yesterday?”
“Straw that broke the camel's back.”
“So we’re going to stop this weird act?” Damian asks.
Jason nods.
“Good, I’m far past sick of it. Mother’s been wanting to talk to you since you came.”
“Oh yeah, not dealing with that right now. I’m still too tired for that. Tell her I’ll call her when I’m up for it.”
“Sure, that’ll blow over well.”
“What is she gonna do?”
Damian shrugs, even though his face says he does know the answer. “We should get back before someone comes looking.”
“Yeah, come on. You gotta hold my hand while we cross the street.”
“I will kill you.”
“I love you too, buddy.”
“Love you.”
They head back to the manor, Jason holding Damian’s hand.
#whumptober2024#whumptober#no.26#nightmares#breakfast table#parting words of regret#batman#jason todd#damian wayne#bruce wayne#tim drake#dick grayson#league of assassins#batfamily#batfam#dysfunctional family#angst#feels#domestic fluff#happy ending
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
𓂃 𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗡𝗘𝗘𝗗 𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 𝗡𝗢𝗪 ✧
𓈒 ◌ something you need or want (to hear) right now.
notes/disclaimer: a general what you need or want to hear right now! struggled thinking of a topic to do a reading about, so here this is. cuz, i think that everyone should have a sort of little message from the cards about what they might need right now. take what resonates and what doesn't!
⎯⎯ 𝗣𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗘𝗡𝗖𝗘
seven of pentacles. it embodies perseverance.
what can the seven of pentacles mean? : it can mean things coming to fruition, hard work paying off, harvest, rewards, profits, results, pay-outs, manifestation of ideas or goals, inheritance, cultivation, growing, gestation, nurturing, perseverance, patience, planning, reviewing, taking stock, questioning, crossroads, approaching retirement, and finishing what you started.
you are doing the absolute best you can right now and i admire that for you. you’re very hard worker and it’s so easy to see, especially as the seven of pentacles come out, i think you’re a very structured person but you actually don’t know how hard you work for your goals and that’s frustrating. i can see that you have a lot of dreams and a lot of goals that you want to achieve and you put your entire self your entire mind into that. however, you question yourself and you have doubt when it comes to your skills. you shouldn’t doubt yourself, not at all! you’re amazing and you have all the abilities to achieve everything you want.
even so, i think you might be challenged when it comes to motivation to reach your goals and what i have to say to that is that when you actually want something, you have to persevere through it. you can’t just stop doing whatever it is that you’re doing and expect to get better at it, you have to really work for it and that goes into everything in your life. by pushing self doubt away, you'll be able to reap the rewards that you deserve and have been working so hard for.
you have everything you need to achieve your goals, you just have to put your mind to it. your self doubt is the only thing that’s harming you from getting what you want and i’m here to tell you, as well as whoever you might work with or just the universe itself, that you have strong capabilities and you can do what you want as long as you put your mind to it. there’s nothing wrong with taking breaks, just don’t be lazy. if you don’t put your mind to something, you will never get it done.
⎯⎯ 𝗛𝗢𝗣𝗘
the star. it embodies renewal.
what can the star ☆ mean? : it can mean hope, inspiration, creativity, calm, contentment, renewal, serenity, spirituality, healing, and positivity.
with the star, all i have to say is that you don’t know how much you’re worth. and i’m just here to tell you that you are amazing. i can’t believe that anyone would let you go while you’re the embodiment of the star. i can feel your personality and the way you act is very bright and charming all while being kind at the same time. i see passion and i see determination within you and that part of you is burning bright. however i feel like you’ve been dimmed by other people and that’s not what we want here. i want you shining and for you to know your worth. while you’re going through these tough times it’s definitely hard to be your charming happy self and i totally get that.
even stars need breaks and with that, you need to stick up for yourself a lot more because i can see your strength in you. you just need to find it in your own way. disrespect is not allowed here, especially when it comes from yourself. you need to know your worth because other people see it so clearly. i think you need to find peace and inspiration within sorts of media right now so you can bring the renewal into your life and positivity surround yourself with people who know your worth and can teach you how to love you without needing to dim your light and outshine you in the process. you all can shine together and don't be afraid to speak up for yourself because your ideas are words are solid.
also, don't be afraid to put yourself out there too! there's nothing wrong with taking risks and with a personality that big and positive like yours, you'll find friends, relationships, and connections anywhere. it's not hard once you start healing from your own negative self thoughts.
⎯⎯ 𝗖𝗨𝗥𝗜𝗢𝗦𝗜𝗧𝗬
page of swords. it embodies exploration.
what can the page of swords mean? : it can mean delayed news, patience needed, ideas, inspiration, planning, vigilance, protective, guarded, fairness, think before you speak, don’t get drawn into arguments, mental agility, using your head, inquisitive, curious, quick-witted, chatty, communicative, education, petty gossip, being truthful/ direct, speaking out, fighting injustice.
i can already see that you’re an impatient person and i’m not going to lie so am i. i think that you’re a very anxious person and you always feel as if you have to do things quickly and before anyone else just so you can get ahead of the game. that’s actually what stressing you out right now. what you need to hear right now that you need to slow down. also i have this feeling that you need to think before you speak because you speak without thinking at times and there are people listening that you might not want for them to be listening to you (also something i struggle with). there are always going to be people that are listening to you and they may be enemies you don't want to rile up even more.
i think you just have to keep to yourself sometimes and you need to be more guarded to protect yourself from others. especially when it comes to your emotions so you don’t get attached to people too quickly. i think you're very restless when it comes to people when it comes to maybe texting you back or not really paying attention to you. i think when it comes to those situations, you should find attention within yourself that you can provide entertainment to yourself without anyone else.
if someone doesn't text you back, it's not a big deal. wait for them to text you back instead, you can live without them. you're a very caring person and you taking up the fact that you have to change or help anyone is not healthy for you. take some time for yourself because you're the stronger and most important person in your world. make sure to ground yourself and let yourself take rests instead of worrying about things that may not even be so big to the other person.
final notes about this reading: did this kinda spiral.. yes... but i'm hoping it was still helpful or good to hear! dear curiosity, i kind of called you out... my bad chat..
links + things: https://daestarot.carrd.co to learn more about me (includes examples of paid and free readings, what i do read for + don't, and my discord for contact)!
#divination#hellenic polytheism#hellenism#tarot blog#tarot#tarot reading#tarotblr#tarotcommunity#free tarot#free tarot reading#free readings#channelled message#message for you#daesreadings
21 notes
·
View notes
Note
Aight bet-
Can i get Shanks paired with a female reader (romatically) who is also missing an arm and/or has red hair.
Thank you v.v
Not my bestest work but I thought it was funny and warm.
Narcissistic Romance
Shanks x Fem!Reader. Reader has red hair and missing arm. Miku is Miku even if she looks different so skin color or hair texture can be anything else. Small angst(?) but mostly fluff. Drabble + Headcanons
“I get we have the same hair and stump but did you really need to go this far? You even drew the scar on me.” You touch your eye where some friends had drawn Shanks’s signature scar on.
“This fits so well! You might as well be his female form.” You’re all near a bar, one of your friends got the idea to dress you up as Red Haired Shanks after getting drunk. “Strike a pose or somethin-” They’re interrupted when yelling is heard.
“C-CAPTAIN!?” You hear from behind you, turning to see a group of men staring at you.
‘Captain?’ You think to yourself, confused before it clicks. These must be Red Hair Pirates, but how? This is a crazy coincidence that they’re here right as you’re dressed up. Your mind runs at a million miles a second and you clamp a hand over your friend’s mouth before they speak. “Well, I got caught by a devil fruit. Changed my looks a bit but I look good as a woman too, right?” You smirk, going along with it. Unfortunately, your cover is blown almost immediately when a head peeks over your shoulder to look at you.
“Hmm. I do look good as a woman, don’t I?” It’s Red Haired Shanks, another coincidence and you jolt with a yelp. “Freaking out, Miss Red Hair? Not very Emperor-like.” He teases with a grin. Maybe you shouldn’t have tried to go with the joke considering how quickly you got caught, and by the man himself. “What’s my female doppelganger doing here?” He looks at your friends with a wink, this is so embarrassing. “Popular as a woman too?”
That was how the two of you met, a funny cosplay of a funny guy.
You were scared at first you were going to get in trouble for impersonating him, even if it was a joke and you were caught immediately.
Shanks isn’t a sore sport though and he actually found it really funny.
He had stayed at the island and you were good company, proving to be a good fighter as well.
He couldn’t just leave an attractive and strong woman alone, right?
You ended up joining his crew along with a few of your other friends that could fight and wanted to go, the rest you all sending letters to any others often.
The official number of redheads in the Red Hair Pirates is now two.
The two of you two hit it off, cracking similar arm jokes and having fun together, it was perfect.
It really wasn’t long until you both ended up dating, then came new jokes.
“Narcissist.” That’s what people like to tease you both about.
Dating a person that can look like a genderbent version of you with the right clothes and makeup is definitely narcissistic.
Of course, you both take it with pride.
Shanks even likes to show you off, calling himself the luckiest man ever to find the most beautiful woman ever to play into the narcissist joke.
Something on a more personal level is that the two of you can relate to missing an arm, helping each other with phantom pain and insecurities.
After all, when the person you love has the same imperfection as you it’s hard to be insecure about it.
You’re perfect to him and him to you, despite your disabilities.
It’s nice to have someone that understands, that knows how hard it is to deal with losing a limb.
When you’re feeling insecure sometimes Shanks puts his stump on yours, smiling and calling you both “stump buddies” before kissing you.
If the weather is bad and you’re both struggling with pains you can hold each other, finding comfort in the warmth of your lover.
Shanks holds you tight, even if he’s clenching his jaw, always trying to put your pain above his no matter how much you try and tell him he matters too.
It makes you feel insecure, he should have a partner that would be able to help him without struggling themselves, but to him you’re everything.
He’d rather hold you while shaking from pain himself than be comforted by anyone else.
These bad moments with you are more precious to him than the best with anyone else.
#fanfiction#one piece x reader#anime only#shanks x reader#drabble#headcanon#headcanons#shanks x female reader#female reader#fluff#angst
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
i’m struggling so much with being consistent and lose weight i hate myself, i set a diet and i fail to follow it and if anything, i have 100% gained weight instead of losing it. i need to shut my mouth and stop eating, i need to be skinny again, i need to be small.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i don’t know who needs to hear this (me) but if you experience chronic pain or illness or you’re disabled and you can’t work at all or you can’t work certain jobs or you can only work a couple hours or you’re struggling to find a job, it’s okay. especially if you’re also in full time education because this is difficult and i wish we didn’t have to work whilst being in full time education.
but my point is; you are trying your best with what you have. do not push yourself to do what able bodied and healthy people are doing because that is not only an unrealistic, but quite unfair, standard to set for yourself
#kept feeling guilty because my able bodied boyfriend has been pulling 8hr shifts every weekend#and i’ve only been working a 5hr shift on a saturday#then i remembered how much i struggle move around sometimes and maybe i shouldn’t be so hard on myself#disability#disabled#chronic illness#chronic pain#chronically ill#chronic fatigue
419 notes
·
View notes
Text
literally just three more days of this
#ember talks#I. Maybe am dealing w paralyzing fear of starting to do work today#I didn’t go into the office today bc I. just started sobbing this morning abt it I hate this#it’s easy work I don’t understand how it can affect me this much it shouldn’t be hard to do#I just? I always feel so stupid when I struggle this badly w my anxiety#is it the threat of seeing gore any time I open a folder? Is it my weird toxic team? I don’t know but it’s like.#I should be smarter than this fear and I’m not
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
once again i need to do laundry. i am going to do laundry. laundry is going to be done. now.
#this is just gonna be a thing every 2-3 weeks i think.#the problem with laundry is there is so much stuff i have to think about in order to do it.#like i gotta collect all the dirty laundry but to do that i gotta empty out the clean laundry that i still haven’t gotten around to putting#away from last time so then i can gather the dirty laundry and then i have to actually go outside to take the laundry to the laundry place#which is like a two minute walk away and then who even knows if the machines are gonna work this could all be for nothing so then there’s#the anxiety of like people might be there watching me struggle with the machine that isn’t working#but then the main issue is actually convincing myself to do it. i know i gotta do this before three bc if i wait until after three then it#won’t be done by five and then i won’t want to cook dinner bc five pm is cooking dinner time so if i miss that then i just won’t eat. and#i’d very much like to eat today. i also need to actually go to the shop to get food to cook but like. i can do that whilst i’m waiting for#the clothes to dry i think. so if i go now i should be done by half four at the least which will also give me time to cook. yes.#in the five minutes it’s taken me to write this post i could’ve gathered up the laundry by now but y’know.#anyway i wish i could just be normal about things this shouldn’t be so hard surely
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’m doing everything wrong and bad always, ugh
#I literally don’t know how to make it much longer#I can’t live my life losing it for 2 weeks out of every month#literally no doctor gives a rat’s ass and no one ever will#I hate this time of year I hate myself and I feel bad for feeling like everyone hates me#because I shouldn’t assume people don’t want me around or find me insufferable#bc that’s bad of me to do and stuff#projecting and all that jazz#but I struggle to believe anyone still cares abt me when everyone’s got their own stuff to worry abt#and I still just go nuts and get needy and stupid like clockwork#I deserve to be a miserable loser#I’m a bad person#I just need to complain and cry abt it or whatever#jsut ignore me sorry#no matter how hard I try the depression tries harder#I’m an annoying loser 😭
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#sometimes it’s so hard to be a chrissy fan relating to her so much#bc fics will have her just totally recovering from her ed#and i’m here 15 years in unable to#it’s just fic and it shouldn’t affect me like this but man#and ppl can write what they want#they just want chrissy to be happy in the way she didn’t get to be on the show right#but suddenly i’m holding back tears at work bc in one fic she had one appointment w a clinic#and already got better and everyone understands her struggles and helps her#and every therapist i went to either told me i was too fat to have an ed#or told me to write self love affirmations to read over and over when i felt like starving myself#and that was all the treatment i was ever able to get#idk it’s just hard to read those fics#it’s not that i want her to suffer#it’s just hard and i’m struggling#it’s nobody’s fault rly#i’m just the messed up one
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
My extremely personal red flag is if you’ve never lived independently.
Do not open tags it’s just a personal vent and I hit the tag limit (30) and that’s never happened to me before ajskdlf
#like not even having to live alone I think living with roommates gets a similar enough experience#and this is a vague blog but not for someone on this site (of course)#plus it is entirely founded on deep jealousy but like#but like man. I don’t wanna live with you if you’ve never had to maintain your own life before! bc it’s not a magic thing that happens#I’ve been ‘on my own’ for years at this point and I still struggle to keep my shit intact. maybe ur just That Good but tbh#I don’t wanna live with That attitude either!#idk man. like. it’s food. it’s dishes. keeping the floors clean. the bathroom clean. making sure you don’t run out of groceries or toiletry#it’s having a schedule of events around you. it’s being able to get places around you. it’s doing shit on ur own without friends#and again. I’m being unduly harsh. lord knows they’re better with their finances than me and that I had a spoiled ass childhood#the kind that spills into adulthood the way I refused to change my own car battery#I get that most of these things are there bc there’s limited space and they wanna care for their family and have a nest egg before moving#and it’s impossible to be mad at them for that bc it makes too much sense to do it. I’d do it if I got along better with my parents#idk. I feel like a shithead for not prioritizing them over other things in my life and it makes me defensive#bc I have to keep my life on track myself and at times it feels like they don’t#and I got frustrated bc I was late to a meetup bc I had to cook dinner and their mom brings them dinner every other day#and again. I get it. god knows I get it. but I also feel frustrated#I’d been considering a trip where we could see a national landmark but we’d have to drive two hours one way. and they’re anxious driving#and like. one time their friends car was shitting itself but that friend still ended up driving. come on dude#it is spoiled kid syndrome and my personal hamartia and I could be infinitely more understanding but#I cannot fathom not going somewhere bc I’m scared. if I want it that bad I figure it out. and sometimes it’s miserable but it’s done#and I cannot see a world where I live with someone too nervous to do things themself#urgh. I think they got into a bad wreck once when they were driving. idk. they mentioned it once in passing but I remembered them mentioning#I feel like a boomer haha.#what’s the plan for the rest of ur life? it has to be finding someone who will take on these for you#maybe not. maybe they’ll actually grow and find ways to be a person by themself but uh. depending on a person changing is bad business#I’m probably just a tightass. I couldn’t handle a roommate on account of being a huge control freak anyway lol#it’s unrelated but I’m sure I feel bad bc their other close friend (car shitting friend) is really good about this kind of stuff#driving them around covered food payments plus gifts vacations etc#hard not to feel like if I were more magnanimous this wouldn’t be a problem. but I’m not#and I shouldn’t feel bad about it but I do? bc friend b is a total star and I’m like. normal lol
1 note
·
View note
Text
It is a weird feeling when like. You experience something. But you are constantly seeing messaging that either implies or outright states that what you experienced doesn’t happen, or at least, it doesn’t happen on a wide enough scale for it to matter. And you don’t necessarily want to talk about those experiences a lot or even think about them often, but being constantly reminded that people think those experiences don’t exist or aren’t important enough to care about only makes you think of them more, trying to justify to yourself that it does matter or falling into questioning if they’re right and maybe it doesn’t and you should just pretend it never happened to you or others because it must not be important. I don’t know how to explain it. Feels bad man.
#vent#like I don’t#want to constantly think about these things#but it’s hard not to because people say it doesn’t happen#and I have to remember. yes. it does. it happened to me.#and it’s happened to others. much worse has happened to others than has happened to me.#but what happened to me still hurt. it still negatively effected me.#I think it’s just#it’s that phrase#‘not all men but always a man’#but for me it wasn’t a man or a boy. not that time or that time or the other time.#it wasn’t all girls but it was always a girl#and I’m well aware my experiences aren’t universal#but that also shouldn’t mean they don’t matter. that they aren’t serious#and when people say or imply it doesn’t happen#of course I want them to know that it does. that it hurts when we act like it doesn’t#but I also don’t want to talk about it that much. I don’t want to think about it#and I struggle so much with my tone and how I word things#I don’t know how to be certain I’m being polite and informative#I never want to be mean or rude#but I can’t even trust my own words#I don’t know#like I said#feels bad man
1 note
·
View note
Text
Am I allowed to just not talk to someone ever again for no reason apart from the fact I simply don’t want to (unbothered core)
#dora daily#like ugh it feels like sooooooooooooo much mental prep and extensive forcing myself to do so#it’s becoming like a chore in truth#I wouldn’t mind being left alone tbh 🧎♀️ in fact that sounds wonderful#the days where I was all by myself were some of my most peaceful days I could ever have had#not much suicidalness not much hysteria just mostly normal as normal as I can be anyways#THIS is what happens btw when you take fifty yrs to respond to me i take longer 😇#not that I intentionally do so not at all#it’s the fact it feels exhausting and so so draining to just talk#it feels like a chore#if this happens over like a year or more I will just find myself feeling like I don’t want to talk anymore and that you’re not very interest#interesting to talk to.#and btw I am sooo patient and I accept billions of excuses but when the excuses become old like bbg we live in the same state okay you#shouldn’t be taking fifty hours to reply ESP if as you suggest you’re soooooo bored like girl bffr#and you say you’re always on your phone#girl BYE —#honestly I’ve gotten to the point where I srsly do not care for most of the ppl I speak to they’re simply bothersome and annoying and I only#hang around because they don’t seem to have gotten tired of me yet#and as I said I am VERY patient but I also feel things hysterically LMAO ie that means you not replying when you have the chance and taking#far too long to get back with little to no excuse / recurrent silly excuses girl that kind of makes me psycho 😭#it’s honestly not that hard to reply like AT ALL if you’re mentally okay and sane#I often wonder how I do it and I struggle with tons of stuff so when you rlly look at it these ppl don’t rlly have an excuse !
0 notes
Text
⛈️ ❌ ❌ ❌ // 2:09 am, tbd ;
#this is a fucking vent so just gnore the venty ass tags but i have nowhere else to place this that feels safe other than just.#shouting into a void where no one hears. aka here ig.#bc its better i shout into a void alone than drag others down with me somehow—i dont. know#regardless… i’m just… i dont know what to think.#things are really bad lately & i’m struggling again to stop myself from sh utting down every time i try being vulnerable & opening up.#i keep clamming up & letting my mind take the reins when it tells me to just erase anything i say. to not open up.#to swallow every single emotion & experience that’s hurting me & let that poison kill me slowly instead. deal with it alone#because it feels like its wrong to open up. like its wrong to say anything. like me being open is just.#me being a fucking burden or something. i don’t know. i shouldn’t be like this. i’m supposed to be fucking better than t his.#what the fuck happened to the version of myself that could just keep suppressing & suppressing & not being a goddamn thorn in ppl’s sides.#esp bc all the things i’m having a difficult / painful time with is all fucking trigger heavy shit or things that i just don’t.#fucking know what to do with anymore because its not shit within my control.#a lot of it’s shit im still just processing that has hurt a lot & havingg to cope w that grief alone.#but then there’s also other circumtances too that are hard to navigate & my BPD having a field day w me in recent history too#i don’t know what the fuck is wrong w me at this point. & im scared & i can’t stand being fucking alone in this shit yet.#i feel like i have to. i have to. i have to. beccause this is my own issue & to dare express anything is me just. using ppl isn’t it.#that’s all it is right. & besides how many times has it been proven that ppl get sick of me for not being okay.#how many times have ppl walked away because they realize im just some fucking deadweight emotionally or something. id on’t fucking know.#am i spiraling? who fucking knows! maybe! because im fucking tired of what my life has been in general & im. overwhelmed.#overwhelmed by existence itself i fucking guess & what its meant for me overwhelmed by expectations overwhelmed by vulnerability thats just.#bleeding out through the fucking cracks of this fucking mess of a person i am.#& constantly fucking afraid that im just. too much. too much. too much for anyone.#too emotional in fucking general too intense too overwhelming for others regardless if its overwhelming them via pos or neg emotions.#afraid im going to get discarded afraid of what’s to come afraid in fucking general. fear & grief & pain & rage & hatred &.#desperation to feel anything other than this & desperation to feel loved thats got me having rly foul compulsions too#all my emotions feel like some kind of fuckihng hairtrigger & its hard to stop it in fucking general. i dont fucking know. & like i said it.#feels like shit to deal with completely alone. not bc i wanna deal with alone but bc i /have/ to bc if i dont then im just. a problem. or.#i dont know. im tired of everything tired of my emotions tired of this life tired of all that ive had to face up til this point & tired of.#fear & idk how to handle things alone anymore. my friends deserve better than this emotional burden i am to be around ig.#it feels so much like i have to apologize to those i befriend for being. well. this. for all of me & for being ‘too much’ in general.
0 notes
Text
testosterone, moving out of my parents house and an autism diagnosis would fix me I think
#currently in the middle of a breakdown#and drama coursework that’s due tomorrow#still have at least another 800 words. my current pace is about 50 an hour#I’m just so sick of my mum assuming im lazy and not trying. I work so fucking hard. all the time#I told her that im struggling and im bad at coursework#(didn’t tell her just how far behind I am. im not stupid and still have some self preservation instinct)#and do you know what she said??#‘maybe you shouldn’t go to uni’ ‘it’s always someone else’s fault isn’t it’#BITCH WHEN AT ANY POINT DID I SAY THAT IT WAS SOMEONE ELSES FAULT#I FUCKED UP BY PROCRASTINATING THIS MUCH. I KNOW THAT#I NEVER SAID THAT IT WAS ANYONE ELSE’S GAULT BUT MY OWN#BUT FEELING BAD ABOUT IT WONT HELP. YELLING AT ME WONT HELP.#sorry to rant. just v stressed and tired and overworked rn#6th form is hell
1 note
·
View note