#I just? I always feel so stupid when I struggle this badly w my anxiety

[chromoluminary]

literally just three more days of this

[asexual-means-no-attraction]

ik this is gonna kinda be an everyone-is-different situation but how do you cope w "what if no one sees me as a man dysphoria"? ive been struggling rlly bad w that tonight n i rlly didnt know who else to ask so im sorry if im overstepping boundaries or anything- and ofc dont at all feel obligated to ask!! i hope youre having a great day🤍🤍

I got a general ask here about tips for dysphoria.

But what you're asking seems to be more about the mental health side of things. Which is such a struggle I know. I can't say I've always dealt with it in healthy ways or in ways I'm proud of. But it's been a while since I was really depressed and mental health wise I'm doing way better. So most of my advice will be from things I found useful in my past. My memory might not be the best tho.

Some general easy things I found that can help:

-write it out. I can't stress how much holding in the anxiety and depression thoughts about "whether I'm a real man/women" can tear you apart. It's good to get it out of your system.

-likewise, talking to someone can help.

-if you're afraid you might harm yourself then don't let yourself be alone. You don't have to talk to someone or do anything with them. Just be in the same room. I know you don't want to be around anyone in that moment. But you're less likely to hurt yourself if someone is in the same room. Bonus points if it's someone who accepts you, but it's not necessary.

-therapy is always a good option. Finding someone that specializes or has other transgender patients.

-redirect your thoughts. "What if no one sees me as a man?" -> "What if they don't see me as a man YET?" Adding a yet can help a lot. Just because you're not there right now, doesn't mean you'll never be. It's similar to how saying "I want to take a nap" instead of "I want to kill myself" has been shown to improve people's self confidence. You can't just magically stop your brain from making those thoughts, but you can change the sentence to something more optimistic or mild.

-Distraction. Distraction. Distraction. When the thoughts as so intense that you can't handle it, sometimes it's best to just distract yourself until they've calmed down. Then you can address things. Whether that's what you need in a current moment will be up to you to decide. But making a good list of things that you think could be good distractions can help. Ex, I like to act out scenes from the stories I write, look at weird houses on Zillow, play video games, anything that involves having to think and move in some way. Just sitting and watching TV isn't engaging enough, and going on a run still lets my mind wonder. Those things aren't good for me in terms of distractions.

-meditation doesn't work well for me, but I've seen it work extremely well for others.

-make something. Bake something, cook something, design something with play dough. Being able to stand back and see something you've done is a good feeling to push the bad feels outta the way.

-do an activity you find gender affirming. Do you find using power tools to make you feel more masculine? Then go use some. (Gender roles are stupid and dumb, but so long as the exist you might as well use them to help you feel better about your actual gender).

-mantra line up with meditation and can help too. These are sentences or words you tell yourself regularly. And then you can use them when you're feeling especially bad to help lift your mood.

Hopefully at least one of those things can help you. Like I said, it's been a while since dysphoria has really hit me that badly. But things do get better. It's a tough place to be in I know. But there is a future for you where you will be seen for who you really are.

[bonesandthebees]

Phil visiting Wilbur!!!!!!!! Holy shit this is so. Before the point it was all Wilbur going to see Phil, never the other way around. Phil could have just easily summoned Wilbur to his office or the throne room but instead he went out of his way to go to Wilbur's room himseld and didn't leave until he had to. That is some strong parental behaviour there Phil, better put a cap on it before you piss yourself realising what you're feeling again. But!!! I do think that Phil has thought abt it seriously and is more at peace ig??? with his relationship with Wilbur. He offered to mentor him, which alone shows how much affection he has for Wilbur and I don't think he would do this if he was having a crisis over the care he feels for Wilbur.

Their whole conversation is so heartbreaking because we as the audience know that to some extent, Phil *does* care about Wilbur and Wilbur knows it too but that terrifies him. It probably terrifies Phil as well because fuck he wasn't supposed to get this attached to one of the princes, it was supposed to be the other way around.

Wilbur's paranoia is back, itching at the back of his brain when Phil threatens Quackity for him. The doubt, the questioning that was present throughout their stay in Zephys IV is back and it's breaking down what trust Wilbur had just started letting himself feel for Phil with a sledgehammer. The games are back, the anxiety and constant doubts crawling in his skin because if Phil never gave a shit about him, why the hell was he going this far?

The guilt Wilbur feels is crushing because he notices that Phil probably does give a shit about him, that he's believing the words that come out of Wilbur's mouth and that he's checking up on him because he *cares*.

THE HUG!! THE LACK OF HESITATION!!! They're gonna kill me fr. The comfort Phil offers is so genuine and I just :((

Could this all be a manipulation tactic, yes 100% and it would rip my heart into shreds if it is and Wilbur's paranoia would once again be proven right but I think one W for the mental illness is enough. He wants to trust Phil so badly despite everything and it is gut wrenching watching him struggle with it and go back and forth between listening to his head that is telling him Phil cannot be trusted and listening to his heart that wants to let Phil in so badly and wants to be comforted by him, to be safe with him and to be mentored. To feel like he can be more, an opportunity that no one but Phil has given him.

If (big big if here) the boys actually manage to escape or Phil catches them as they're trying to leave, Phil's reaction is going to be very telling about the whole situation. Ofc he's going to be mad that they're trying to leave or have already left but I am putting my money on heartbreak and the anger that comes with it because 'Quackity what the fuck did you know about this' and he just had a conversation with Wilbur about how they're not going anywhere, after all, they can just go with Phil.

Just ugh :((

You see how Tommy and Wilbur are struggling, you see how much of a toll this is taking on them and you know it's stupid and not going to end well but it's like watching an accident, you just can't look away. They need a break, a long one.

2/2

🦈

PHIL GOING TO WILBUR!! it's such an interesting turn that wilbur doesn't know how to deal with, but the concern is obvious and right in his face. wilbur is planning to leave, but there's phil, and he's so blatantly worried and trying to help and is it real? is it fake? he doesn't know but it's so so painful to think even a scrap of it could be real. because if any of it is real, wilbur is betraying that by leaving. just... that's such a sad scene

the hug and lack of hesitation just aaaaa

wilbur desperately wants to be able to trust phil. he wants that support figure in his life so badly and phil seems so genuine but he just can't trust anything anymore. the minute he lets his guard down, he seems to always get screwed for it.

the boys really need a break :(

[cheeriecherry]

h/cs for the bakusquad (separate) and an s/o w social anxiety? I cried during history b/c I had to give a presentation so I cld rlly use a pick me up

My max character limit is 3, so these are gonna be kind of short little things TvT but also I get that I’ve got big anxiety and it was one of the main reasons I wasn’t able to finish school oof

Requests are temporarily closed while I catch up on them <3

Bakugou might not understand it at first. He won’t see what the big deal is about people or crowds or being the center of attention. Like, sure it’s unpleasant, but it’s not the worst thing. It only takes him seeing you have a panic attack for him to really get how badly it affects you. After that, he’s more...I dunno, like, lenient about it? He still doesn’t really understand, but he’ll do what he can to keep you out of situations that cause you stress, or begrudgingly offer support when you need some time to yourself.

Kirishima understands anxiety to some degree, though he doesn’t experience the social variety. He’s pretty good at staying calm when you’re stressing or panicking, and will try his best to talk you down and give you something to focus on. He maybe babies you a lit, but it’s not to be patronizing. He just wants to make sure you feel okay. He’ll always offer to go with you when you need to be in a crowded place, and will hold onto your hand the whole time. He’s always gonna tell you that he’s proud of you for getting throughs stressful situations.

Sero is the most chill about it. He’s just an easygoing guy, is all. He might not get why you’re freaking out so much about a simple presentation, though. Like, no one likes presenting in front of the class, but it’s doable. But then one time he sees you completely freeze in class, and you look like you’re going to be sick, and he’s like ‘okay maybe I underreacted’. He pampers you at the end of the day with affection, and from then on out he’ll always help you practice your presentations and speeches. It might not help much, but he tries.

Kaminari knows what social anxiety is, but only in the most basic terms. Like, he knows it’s an actual thing that some people struggle with, but he’s never met anyone with it until you. He’s a pretty relaxed and chatty guy, and he gets nervous sometimes but not because of people. He’ll always be there cheering you on, and if you’re stressed because of a presentation, he’ll try and make it so you can only focus on him in the room full of people IE making stupid faces that only you can see. He tries to combat your stress by making you laugh a little.

Mina doesn’t know much about social anxiety, being the social butterfly that she is, but she’s the most willing to look into it and listen to your problems. She’ll do what you need her to do, whether it be practicing speeches with you, or being with you in crowds, or ordering food for you, or helping you type an email. She doesn’t know how deeply it affects you, so she doesn’t want to make any assumptions and have you start panicking. She admires you a lot though, because despite your past experiences and panic attacks, you still keep pressing on and trying, and she finds your resilience a wonderful quality.

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

hi can u write a part 2 of the fic you posted with shawn breaking up w his best friend for his girlfriend?🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Part 1

Changing my life came with the loss of my best friend. No, he didn't die, but he is dead to me due to his stupidity. Unlike what he thinks, I didn't lay in bed mourning our relationship, rather out and about, meeting new people.

I've never liked going out too much, especially not alone, but that was before I found myself consumed with anger toward him. I resent Shawn for what he did. I always will.

But Dean made it better.

Meeting Dean meant having someone to talk to, confess weird dreams to, laugh at 2 am because I felt so happy I couldn't sleep. It meant forgetting Shawn, bit by bit, until he was a distant thought in the back of my mind.

I heard his new song, unwillingly considering how it played in every store all the time, but I ignored the papers and social media gossip. I didn't want to know how he's doing, nor of his happiness with his toxic girlfriend. I really didn't.

"Can you get the door?" I ask Dean who points to his phone and I realize he's talking to someone in the kitchen. "Fine", I groan, dragging my feet toward the door.

Ever since the pandemic started, Dean and I spent all the time at my new apartment, me studying and him working from home. Neither of us wanted to risk separately quarantining this early in a relationship. Besides, I like him enough to be around him all the time.

Putting on a mask, I roll my eyes as more knocks come, annoyed at the impatient human on the other side.

But once I open the door, I lose my breath and my heart sinks as arms wrap around me and the impatient hands once knocking on my door now rest on my back.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry", he repeats and I stiffen, struggling to draw a proper breath. Pulling away, I take full notice of the man before me and the changes he underwent since we last saw each other.

He's lost weight, enough to be concerning and for his cheekbones to prominate. His eyes are sunken and weary, the light once inside dull. Dark circles around his eyes speak volumes of his lack of sleep and I stumble back from shock at his unruly, unkempt, long, greasy curls.

"I know I fucked up. I did. Badly", he pushes his hair back but it falls to his face again as he continues. "I tried calling weeks after, I wanted to text you every day and I couldn't. You disappeared, from the internet, from the phone and you moved away and I was so fucking terrified I'd never see you again."

Licking his lips, Shawn's breaths come in short, quick intervals and I know he's nervous. "Say something." He pleads, but my mouth is dry and my mind is blank. What is there to say?

"Are you sure your girlfriend would be okay with you talking to me?" I raise an eyebrow, determined not to let him in. I'm not making it easy on him.

"We broke up", looking away, Shawn swallows thickly as he forces a smile, "she found your photo in my wallet and freaked out and I just had enough of her shit."

Fuck. I didn't know he kept that. "Should have told her the truth about it." I shrug, avoiding his gaze. I put that photo in when he got his first wallet and I figured he'd take it out eventually, but he didn't. Why didn't he?

"The truth? I never realized the real reason why I kept moving it from one wallet to another, but I know it now." Shawn's lips twitch as he holds back a smile, his eyes meeting mine as I dare to look at him and yet I know what he'll say.

"Don't. It's too late for that." My voice is shaky as are my hands that pull down my mask, irresponsibly so. But I wanted to speak to him without barriers, without hiding.

"It's never too late. As long as we're both breathing, it isn't." Shawn steps closer and I hold my breath, flinching as he takes my hand in his and places it over his heart. His hands are shaky too.

"No", I try to pull away but he's too strong. "You broke me. You tore my heart out and now you're fucking with me like this? Fuck off!" I push against his chest, noticing his chin tremble as I step back, free of his touch.

"Everything alright?" Dean's voice only brings more anxiety to my veins, my heart pummeling in my chest.

"I'll be in soon." Trying to keep my voice leveled, I glance back to Dean who is staring daggers at Shawn. With a curt nod, he leaves us be and I fix my gaze on Shawn who is nodding to himself.

"That's what you mean with too late?"

Chuckling in disbelief, I close the door behind me and push him back. Shawn stumbles, nearly falling downstairs as his bewildered eyes fall to my quivering lips.

"Don't you dare!" Pointing my index finger at his chest, I step closer as he steps back, "You broke up with me. You don't get to judge me for moving on with my life, especially not when it took you years to get your head out your ass long enough to realize we could have had everything!"

"You're right." Shawn sighs, pulling a hand across his face as he shakes his head. "But tell me you don't feel the same. Tell me you don't love me because I can't pretend. I love you." Uttering those dreaded words, Shawn shrugs, smiling innocently while his eyes fill with tears and it leaves fresh wounds on my heart.

The old me would hold him and tell him I do feel the same. I'd have cried with him, kissed him, but I'm not that person. He ruined it all. He ruined me.

"I do. Love you. I just don't like you anymore. I don't trust you." Admitting to it feels like a weight off my chest and while it lessened my on pain, it seems to have transferred to him.

Shawn is holding back tears, clearing his throat. His hands are on his hips, his cheeks a deep crimson.

"Do you love him?" Shawn croaks, "Do you trust him?"

"It's too early to say, but I do trust him. He makes me happy." Glancing over my shoulder, I look back at my door and wonder if Dean is pacing nervously around the apartment as he does when work makes him anxious.

"And if I wanna fight for you?" Shawn raises an eyebrow but his voice carries no strength or determination. He sounds defeated.

"You could try." I chuckle, swallowing tears. That's what I wanted a year ago. I wanted him to fight for me. To tell me it's me he chose. "There's always a chance. But you made a choice once and that choice is never going to magically erase itself from my memory."

"If there's hope, I'd like to try." Shawn shrugs, looking at his feet. "One word from you at any time will stop me. Just tell me to leave and I will. I'll respect that."

I don't say a word. I should. I should tell him to go and let me be, but I can't. A part of me hopes he will find a way to make it up to me, to prove what's in his heart but another part of me wants to prolong his suffering before telling him to fuck off. The bitter, petty part of me. I'm not sure which part of me will win.

"You're worth the fight, Y/N/N."

I stay quiet as he leans in and kisses my forehead before walking away.

Part 3

[spookyboywhump]

YEAAHAHAHA PART ONE OF WREN’S BLINDING IS HERE

This got longer than I expected so the follow up will contain the aftermath >:3c I’ll be real I do not care if this is at all medically inaccurate, I’m sticking to it because I love it so much. This is in fact the canon timeline, I’ve decided this is canon and shall be that way from here on out

Word Count: 2,011

CW: EYE WHUMP. EYE TRAUMA. Pet whump, dehumanization, (nonsexual) noncon touching

***

 He had no way of knowing how that night would end. He had no way of knowing what his mistake would lead to, what one poorly thought out action would cause. He had no way of knowing, but he’d end up wishing so, so badly that he could’ve predicted the agony he’d be in by the end of the night. 

 He was tense with fear and anxiety after being separated from Zander. They were forced to follow Cain to one of those awful gatherings, several other owners and colleagues of his there. Zander had gotten led away by Vanessa, and Wren found himself alone, surrounded by a small group who seemed to take interest in him. He didn’t see Cain anywhere among them, he wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing though. 

 “Don’t look so scared, pretty puppy.” One of the men said, crouching down to look at him. Wren instinctively tried to back away, though it was hard when he was sitting on his knees, he only ended up backing into one of the other men, who almost affectionately ruffled his hair. 

 “He looks more like a frightened rabbit than a dog.” He snickered, and Wren jerked away from him, glancing between the men fearfully. In the back of his mind he knew he was breaking a rule, he knew he was never allowed to pull away, but he couldn’t help it. Without Zander there to protect him, without Cain there to call them off, he was terrified. 

 “P-Please…” He whimpered, his voice cracking, though it only caused the men to laugh. The one who crouched down with him grabbed his face, tilting his head side to side.

 “I wonder how much Cain would want for you… the bastard probably has a high price but I think it would be worth it.”

 “You think he’s going to part with the pup? I hear he makes him good money, there’s no way he’d give him up.” 

 “Y-yeah, uh, m-my master doesn’t want t-to get rid of me…” He said, reaching a hand up to push the man’s hand away, though he’d barely touched him before the man had drawn back and slapped him, his head snapping to the side.

 “You’d better keep your hands to yourself, mutt.” He snarled, reminding Wren just how angry these people got over being touched. 

 “Aww, you made him angry.” The other man said, sounding amused. “How are you going to make up for it, hm puppy?”

 “I-I don’t…” He glanced around nervously, almost desperately searching for Zander. He didn’t know what he thought Zander could do, despite his best efforts things often ended poorly when he intervened, but still, his presence was safe and comforting, and right now, Wren needed that. He flinched when the man who had touched him grabbed his arm, getting to his feet and forcing Wren to do the same. He quickly scanned the room for a familiar face, Zander, Cain, even Vanessa or Nicholas would be welcome right now, anybody he knew who he could beg for help. He had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach, a feeling like he had to run. 

 “If Cain hasn’t noticed your absence by now then he won’t notice if we sneak off for a little bit.” The man said, hand slipping down his arm to grab his wrist. He tried to pull him away from the small group, but Wren dug his heels into the floor, refusing to move.

 “I-I’m not going with you!” He snapped, trying to sound less scared than he felt. “I don’t-I don’t know you, a-and Cain- my master wouldn’t let you do this anyway!”

 “And your master doesn’t have to know as long as you keep your pretty little mouth shut. Now be a good boy and come on.” He pulled harder and Wren stumbled a few steps, only to pull back again, trying to keep from being dragged off. He was prepared this time, hand clenched into a fist, and when the man turned to snap at him, he swung. His fist hit him dead in the eye and he was finally let go of, stumbling back as the man swore in pain. It wasn’t like him, he knew that, and he knew he was in trouble so he had every intention to run, only to be grabbed by the collar and harshly yanked back by one of the other men. 

 “You shouldn’t have done that you little bitch.” The man he’d hit snarled, before Wren could throw up his arms to defend himself he was cracked across the face, falling to the floor as he was finally let go of. He was used to being attacked this way, instinctively trying to curl up to protect himself, but before he knew it he was being grabbed, forced onto his back and held down as the man straddled his waist.

 “S-stop!” He cried, breathing frantically. In a last ditch effort he tried to call for help, hoping to be heard over the growing crowd, but a hand was clapped over his mouth, quickly silencing him. He still struggled to get free but his arms were pinned at his side, rendering him completely helpless. 

 “Misbehaving pets have to be punished, you know that don’t you?” He said with a sadistic grin, Wren watching him with wide eyes. He hated how quickly these people flipped, how the smallest thing could make an annoyance into a threat. His instincts told him to defend himself to avoid the worst possible scenario but he knew it was a bad idea, he knew it couldn’t have ended any other way than this. 

 “What’re you going to do to him?” One of the men asked, sounding intrigued. “Give him a black eye to match the one you’re gonna have?” He snickered.

 “He’s a fighter, a black eye is nothing to him.” He said dismissively. “No, he needs something more… memorable, make sure he doesn’t make this mistake again.” He said. Wren cried out behind his hand, struggling and kicking his legs in frustration. 

 He was looking around frantically while they discussed what should be done to him, desperately looking for a familiar face. He wanted Zander, he knew he’d help but he was alone, completely at their mercy- and his one shred of hope came from the last place he expected. He never thought he’d be relieved to see Nicholas of all people, but he pushed through the crowd, coming to get a look at what was going on. He hated to ask Nicholas for anything, but he knew what he liked from him, and as he finally shook the man’s hand off his mouth, he gave it one try, a final attempt to escape this unscathed.

 “S-sir, sir please h-help me!” He cried, as pathetic as possible, hoping that looking at him with big, tear filled eyes would win him over. 

 “My, my, it looks like you’ve gotten yourself into some trouble, hm love?” He said. “I’d expect this from the mutt, but not from you.”

 “I-it was- It was an accident-“ He insisted, only to be interrupted by the man holding him down.

 “You little fucking liar, you know you did that on purpose!” He snapped at him, slapping his hand over his mouth again. 

 “And what’s going to be his punishment? Cain is a bit caught up with somebody right now but I don’t think he’ll mind if I give the okay.” He said casually.

 “I’m not sure yet, why? You got any suggestions?” He asked, and Nicholas seemed to think it over, taking a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from his jacket pockets as he did so. 

 “You could beat him. Cane him maybe if you can find one on hand.” He said, holding a cigarette in his mouth and lighting it. He took a drag from it before continuing, “You could always whip him with a belt, or carve him up- I even have a knife with me if you need it. What exactly did he do to cause this again?”

 “He fucking hit me, the stupid fucking mutt.” He said bitterly.

 “Break his fingers then.” He said calmly, Wren’s breath hitching in his throat. “If you want to be creative, you could rip his nails off, but you may not have the tools for that just lying around.” He suggested, and Wren whined pathetically, tears already streaming down his face. The man seemed to be considering his options, Wren knew he wouldn’t like any of them but he certainly hoped for one of the easier ones. After a moment of studying Wren’s face, he looked up at Nicholas.

 “Your cigarette- give that to me.” He said, holding his hand out, and though he looked irritated at being ordered around, Nicholas obliged. Wren was almost relieved, he could handle a cigarette burn, even if it was on his face. “Right or left, puppy?” He asked him, taking his hand off his mouth. Frankly, Wren didn’t care which side of his face he burned, but seeing as he already had a scar on the right side of his face, he made his mind up quickly.

 “L-left…” He whimpered, taking a shuddering breath as he prepared for the burn- but he swore his heart stopped at the next words he said. 

 “You,” He said, directed to the other man who’d been harassing him, “Hold his eye open for me, will you?” 

 “W-wait- wait wh-what?!” He stammered, his eyes going wide as the other man knelt down. He tried to squeeze his eyes shut but he easily pried his left eye open, being as rough as possible in doing so. The man straddling him held his face still with one hand, the cigarette held in the other, and a sense of panic crashed over him like a wave. “N-no, no please, you can’t!” He cried. “I’m sorry- I’m sorry, I-I’ll do anything but-but please, don’t!” He begged, looking to Nicholas for help again. “S-sir, please- please don’t let him do this, I swear I’ll be good, I-I’ll do anything you ask, *please* stop this…” 

 “Oh love, I’d like to help you but then you wouldn’t learn your lesson now would you?” He said, faux sympathy in his voice only making Wren sicker, he cried out in frustration. He looked around frantically, all he saw was the smug looks of the men holding him down, and the fascinated and curious faces of the crowd that had gathered, drawn to the sight of an unruly mutt being punished.

 From his left eye, that would be the last thing he would see. 

 He didn’t take his time, there wasn’t an agonizing buildup, he quickly jabbed the hot end of the cigarette into Wren’s eye and the boy shrieked. He fought against the weight holding him down, his hands clenched into fists, nails digging into his palms until they bled, but the man just further ground the end of the cigarette into his eye, wringing more screams out of him.

 “S-stop stop stop please!” He shrieked. “H-help m-me, p-please some-someone help me!” He shouted, praying somebody would have mercy on him. He screamed it over and over again, begging for help until the man finally got off him and the other let go of his eyelids, but even without the crushing weight and the cigarette against his eye, the pain was still there, he brought his hands up to cover his eye as he curled up on the floor, shaking and sobbing as he listened to the murmurs of the crowd around him.

 Beneath all the pain he was hit by a familiar feeling, one that twisted him up inside and made him sick. It was just like the brand- it never should’ve happened, nothing this permanent should’ve happened to him, somebody should’ve helped him and they didn’t, a further reminder that he didn’t matter to these people, he was an animal, an object, and he’d be lucky if he ever made it out of here alive.

[c4pricornc4ts]

“Does this help?” And “do you ever stop talking?” With SBI possibly? For the prompt things?If you want no pressure! -🐝

Mellohi and Mooblooms 

Warnings for non-descriptive violence, blood

It had been a pretty good day for Tommy, he passed his Spanish test, ate lunch with Tubbo and Jack and managed to not get any detentions. He even got Phil to let him spend the night with Tubbo on a school night! So tell him why he’s ending the day getting grabbed by one of the kids that’s always a bit snarky with the teachers and pulled into the bathroom?

There’s two of them, neither are taller than Tommy. Perhaps the height advantage is why he had the confidence to joke around. “Gentlemen, please. No need to get aggressive now is there?” He laughs. 

The other boys aren’t laughing. They look annoyed, the same way Wilbur looked when he broke into his office. The real kind of annoyed. “Do you ever stop talking?” One of the boys pushes him against a stall door roughly and he struggles not to fall as the door swings. 

“W-what did I do? Why are you-” The blonde is cut off by an arm pushing him against the actual wall while their friend punches Tommy. 

He holds his nose and hisses in pain. He doesn’t say anything however, clearly the two highschoolers don’t like it when he talks. 

“You’re such a bother Tom, every damn class you never just shut up.” He’s punched again, this time in the stomach. He cries out but focuses on staying on his feet. He meets the eyes of the one holding him against the wall, gripping both his shoulders. He recognizes him from history class. 

He always was a bit loud in history class, perhaps he deserved to get knocked around a bit. 

He’s pushed against the tiled wall once again, his head knocking against it as his hands were too busy holding his stomach to prevent it. 

“You know, there’s a reason Techno pretends he isn’t related to you. You’re always just embarrassing yourself.” He’s thrown around a bit more, he considers fighting back for a moment but instead he just focuses on how bad it hurt to breathe and how he’s gonna explain this all to Tubbo who was probably sitting on the sidewalk by the bus ramp waiting for him.

“Just,” He’s given a firm shake. “Stop,” Another shake, he’s gonna have such a bad headache after this. “Talking.” He’s let go by the boy from class and he drops to his knees. Breathing heavily and watching the two boys leave trying to process all that just happened. 

He keeps sitting, long after the boys have both up and left. He doesn’t have the energy to get a paper towel for his bloody nose, so he just breathes heavily and watches the blood run down his hand. 

He’s interrupted from his thoughts by his phone ringing. He wipes his bloody hands off on his pants and answers quickly when he sees it’s Tubbo. 

“Tommy? Where are you? Did your science teacher make you stay back again?” Tubbo sounded so casual, Tommy wishes he was in science. 

“I-I’m on the bathroom floor.” 

“Huh? Like the bathroom in the science wing?” He can tell Tubbo’s already starting to head back inside judging by the way the sounds of the busses get quieter. 

“Yeah.” He sighs and shifts to holding the phone up to his ear with his shoulder. Holding his arm up was hurting his ribs. He stares at the bathroom door tiredly, waiting for it to open and for Tubbo to help him stop the bleeding. 

“Tommy? What’s happened? Oh my God, you’re bleeding. Oh God um-” He watches as his friend rushes to get a paper towel, wetting one of them to get the dried blood off Tommy supposes. 

He refuses to look at the brunette even as Tubbo cleans his nose off. “It’s nothing, I went too far with one of my jokes, made some boys mad. I’ll be okay.” 

“They just punched you? Geez.” Tommy was really grateful Tubbo wasn’t so upfront like he was. If Tommy found Tubbo like this, he’d go make those boys pay. 

“It’s fine, really. Just hurts. I’d really just like to go home now.” As soon as Tubbo goes to throw away the paper towels, Tommy gets up and pockets his phone. Trying to hide how much it hurt to stand. Hoping Tubbo would just forget this all ever happened. 

“Yeah, we can go home. You sure you’re alright? They really hurt your nose, you should report them y’know.” 

“I just want to go home for now, please.” He’s usually a lot more energetic but hearing what those boys had to say about him, really hurt him. 

They walk to Tubbo’s house which is thankfully only 2 blocks away from the school. Only stopping twice when Tommy’s stomach was hurting too badly.

Tubbo takes the house key out of his pocket and lets them both in, Tommy immediately climbs the stairs to Tubbo’s room while the other goes to say hello to his family. 

Tubbo’s family was always very nice to Tommy, they loved hearing his over-exaggerated school stories. So he did feel a bit bad for completely ignoring them today.

He didn’t want to annoy anyone else. 

He immediately lays on top of Tubbo’s bed, looking at all the posters on the walls. Tubbo hadn’t lived here long but you wouldn’t be able to tell by how decorated it is. The posters were mostly from video games, with a few fanarts of the DreamSMP group hanging next to the photos of their first meetup on a board. 

Tubbo comes in and sits down. “Do you want to talk about it? You seem more bothered than you would be if they just punched you once.” 

Tommy shifts on his side so he could look at Tubbo from where he sat on his desk chair. “T-they said Techno is embarrassed by me. That I should stop talking.” He can feel himself start to get choked up, but he doesn’t plan on crying at his friend’s house. Maybe later in his own room but certainly not right now. 

“Toms, you know Techno isn’t really embarrassed by you. He just pretends to not know you as a joke. Remember all the times he tells you how proud he is?” 

Though it was rare, sometimes Techno would look over Tommy’s shoulder while he was holding a school assignment he did well on and murmur a monotone, “Good job.” Or when they were sparring, and Tommy would manage to win a round, Techno would sound so proud of him and brag about him at dinner to Philza and Wilbur. 

But he still didn’t talk to Tommy at school, and though he pretended to be okay with Techno pretending to ignore him, he always felt hurt by it deep down. Hearing the boys say that Techno wasn’t just jokingly annoyed made Tommy feel like his anxieties were confirmed. 

“Yeah, it’s just- I dunno Tubbo. It just hurt more than the punches. I guess.” 

He wipes his eyes and then buries his face in the pillow as Tubbo gets up and opens his closet, shuffling through it before coming back. 

He feels something plush land by his arm and he looks up slowly to see Tubbo had tossed a yellow moobloom stuffed animal by his arm. 

“Does this help? My sister made it for me but I know you wanted the moobloom to win so I thought maybe it’d make you feel better. I-it’s kinda stupid.” 

Tommy hugs the yellow cow, burying his face in one of the dandelions. “No, it’s not stupid. I appreciate it.” He laughs a little when Tubbo starts playing Mellohi. 

“Well, I didn’t have an as eventful day as you Tommy, but let me tell you what Purpled did in art. It was crazy!” 

They laugh and talk for a bit before Tubbo streams.The whole time they were pretending like Tommy wasn’t with him. Both of them trying not to laugh as chat freaks out insisting Tommy had been in the frame. (Which he had been once, to go get a snack before sitting back on the bed.) Tommy forgets why he was so upset in the first place when Techno jumps in the call to join the debate of whether Tommy was in Tubbo’s house or not.

[faulty-writes]

Confessions Through Anxiety

Warnings: Only Fluff and Cuteness. 

Fandom: My Hero Academia 

Pairing: NejiTama (Nejire Hado and Tamaki Amajiki) 

A stuttered breath came from the frightened man who was currently sitting on Nejire’s couch, never in his life had he been more grateful to have such a great friend. Despite the fact, his legs were pulled up to his chest and his arms tightly wrapped around them. Trembles coursed through his whole body as he tried his best to calm down. God, he hated this. He was supposed to be a Pro Hero. Tamaki Amajiki. Suneater. He shouldn’t have to be going through this. Stupid panic attacks and he didn’t even know what brought it on!

Either way, his chest felt constricted making it all that much harder to take calming deep breathes as Nejire had instructed him to do. She was always so calm and positive, kind of like Mirio only toned down a bit. She was more motherly than anything and Tamaki often found himself running to her whenever he had a problem which she would happily listen to with a smile on her face. She always gave Tamaki an affectionate hug after he was finished and told him what she believed he should do. 

Honestly, whenever she touched him. Hell whenever she was near him, he felt his heart pound wildly in his chest. He didn’t want to admit it at first, having feelings for your best friend. But it was true, somehow or another he found her more and more attractive each day. Which was a funny thing considering most people thought he’d end up with Mirio. Come to think of it, maybe that’s how this panic attack came about. If he thought about something for too long he would only get overly worried and then those paranoid thoughts would come. 

“Tama ...are you okay?” Came Nejire’s caring voice accompanied with a gentle hand on his back. Another tremble came as he snapped out of his thoughts, God his mind was a dangerous place. “U-Uh I ....” He tried to speak, but his mind was blank for the moment as he unwrapped his arms from his legs and stretched them out. He took a deep breath and turned his body to better face her. But that might have been a mistake because as soon as he looked at her or tried to, his stomach filled with butterflies and he felt his face begin to heat up. 

Quickly he ducked his head and began to pray she only thought it was because of his anxiety. “Huh?” Nejire tilted her head to the side, her long hair following the motion. Dammit, he felt like a fool. He knew this wasn’t the proper solution to anything! He almost missed the days where he didn’t have feelings for Nejire but he knew deep down he didn’t mean that. Sure it was easier to talk to her when his heart didn’t threaten to jump out of his chest, but it was almost a wonderful feeling. Falling for someone. 

He felt that hand leave his back and almost immediately he missed the warm touch. “Tama, you’ve been acting so strange lately!” The girl gave a huff, turning her head to the side. Her eyes slipping closed for the moment as she placed her hands on her hips. If she didn’t know any better, she would almost suspect Tamaki was hiding something from her. But why would he do that? They were friends after all and friends shouldn’t hide things from each other! 

He felt his mouth grow dry and his shoulders stiffened, damn. Did she figure him out already? No, no, no, no! The thought alone was about to bring on another panic attack. Tamaki bit back his fear and swallowed hard to try and rid himself of that lump in his throat. “I ...I-I’m sorry!” He squeaked out as he finally lifted his head to look at her. Even in this state, whether she was angry at him or maybe just frustrated. She looked beautiful, especially when she opened her eyes and turned to look at him. 

Another huff came as Nejire leaned closer, practically brushing her nose against Tamaki’s which almost made him jump back. But no, he had to be brave and he forced himself not to move. “If you’re sorry, then tell me what’s wrong! I care about you Tama and you’ve been acting this way around me a lot ...” She said, her voice cracking a bit at the end. She was a little sad that Tamaki had been having so many panic attacks around her lately and she was beginning to think that maybe she was the problem. 

“I ...I don’t ...” Tamaki glanced to the side, hearing the pounding of his own heart ring in his ears. It was now or never! He was kind of hoping to keep his feelings a secret for as long as possible, but he knew this would eventually happen. Nejire would grow too suspicious and corner him until he confessed, on occasion, she did that. Always so determined to help people, especially her friends. 

His fingers curled into the fabric of his jeans, every time he thought about confessing to her. It always ended badly, either with thoughts of her rejecting him or even their friendship coming to an end because of his feelings. He knew, either way, this would affect the relationship they had, but if he didn’t get it off his chest now. He might stand to lose her for real. He took a deep breath and hesitantly looked back at her and Nejire was sitting there with a cross look on her face as if dying to hear Tamaki’s explanation. 

“Nejire ...” He said her name so sweetly, despite his mouth feeling dry and at any moment he swears he was going to faint. “I ...I’m sorry, I ...I don’t uh, really know what to say but ...I ...I do have something to tell you.” Tamaki was lucky he even made it through that sentence, but he watched Nejire’s facial expression drop and once more she tilted her head in curiosity. “What is it, Tamaki? You know you can tell me anything!” She insisted and he knew that was true, Nejire wasn’t one to judge or just blow someone off. 

He nodded, “Yeah, I ...I know.” His hand came up to grasp at his shirt, he could feel sweat beginning to drip down his neck and for a moment, he thought about lying. Just give another excuse as to why he was acting the way he was but that wouldn’t solve anything and he had already committed to telling her, he had already jumped into the lion’s den. So he needed to push through, he was a Pro Hero after all. He could do anything he set his mind too. 

Another deep breath, ‘Stay calm Amajiki, you can do this’ or at least he hoped he could. “Which is ...why I ...I uh, I’ve been thinking about you ...a lot!” He confessed, his voice going high in pitch which seemed to startle Nejire as her beautiful eyes widened. “Really? What do you mean a lot?” She questioned which only sent Tamaki back a step. He let out a soft groan and facepalmed himself, trying to think of how to say what he needed to. 

His hand slid off his face and plopped down next to his thigh and yet his free hand came up to rub at the back of his neck. Nervous little nails digging into his skin. “I ...mean ...a lot, I t-think about you every day. Every moment of every day even!” Nejire parted her lips as if she were surprised to be hearing this kind of thing from Tamaki, then again she hadn’t seen him like this before. Not in all the years of their friendship together. 

“I ....” He swallowed again and forced himself to continue, maybe he should just cut to the chase. “W-When I first met you, I ...well I didn’t think even really know w-what to think of you. You were j-just ....so bright and happy and everything I wasn’t and ...recently I’ve noticed that well, I uh, I’ve n-noticed you more ...” Nejire looked confused, her cute little eyebrows knitted together. “Noticed me more?” Tamaki was beginning to feel like this was a game of answer and question. 

But regardless, he nodded. His tongue coming out to swipe at his lips that felt as dry as his mouth. “I ...I’ll just come out and say it!” He declared, throwing his head back a moment and his hand's curls into fists before he lunged forward. Grasping at Nejire’s shoulders which got her full attention. “Nejire ...I ...I think I love you!” Tamaki felt a shiver go through his spine as he finally confessed and his expression went blank. 

His eyes nothing but white and his jaw hanging open as if he were terrified and he was. He felt himself struggling to breathe again or was he just holding his breath? He honestly couldn’t tell at the moment, his mind was too busy racing with horrific ways Nejire would reject him. But Nejire just sat there a moment, her hands delicately folded in her lap. Those eyes still big and bold and her lips were pressed together in a straight line. 

He messed up! “Uh ....” He leaned back and held his hands up. “N-Nevermind! Uh, forget I said anything ...okay!?” Tamaki frantically rose from the couch, ready to book it when he felt Nejire’s hand pull him back. “Ah!” He cried out and stumbled back, falling awkwardly on the couch as Nejire grabbed onto his shoulders and loomed over him. God, even from this angle she looked beautiful and that was bad! 

“Uh ...uh ...” Tamaki stuttered out, he felt frozen. His lips parted and his mind gone of any rational thought. He only saw that smile grow on her face and more panic filled him as she leaned closer. “Ah! W-What are you doi-mm!” His words were cut off by her hand which was so perfectly placed against his heated cheek and those lips, so soft and plush pressed against his own. 

“Mm! Mm ....” He mumbled against those lips, his body slowly relaxing and he gently placed his hands on Nejire’s arms. Slowly but surely melting into that kiss, which was actually better than how he imagined. She tasted so sweet, almost like strawberries and, well was it too soon to say he loved it? He closed his eyes and gently tilted his chin, returning the kiss to the best of his ability. It’s not like he actively practiced this anyway. 

His breath hitched when Nejire pulled away and Tamaki couldn’t help but reach up to touch his lips which felt warm, moist and slightly swollen. He glanced up at Nejire who stroked her thumb across Tamaki’s cheek affectionately and giggled. “I love you too Tamaki!” She declared happily and for once, Tamaki felt his heart skip in a good way. “R-Really? You’re not ...just saying t-that right?” He questioned, but he should know better and yet Nejire indulged him and nodded in response. 

“Heh ...” He felt himself smiling and leaned up to press his forehead against Nejire’s. “That ...makes me so happy to hear.” Tamaki’s voice came out gentle and calm, that smile still on his face. Sure maybe they’d have to find a way to explain this to Mirio. But for once he wasn't going to worry. 

“So, do I still have to worry about you having panic attacks? Not that I mind! I just want to know that you’re okay after all.” Nejire said, her eyes open and looking at Tamaki’s relaxed expression. It was adorable.  Tamaki shrugged. “You don’t have to worry ...w-whenever I have a panic attack, I’ll just run into your arms and I’ll feel ...safe again.” He smiled and reached up to touch her cheek just as she did to him. “Thank you ...Nejire.” His best friend and more. 

[obeymematches]

AAA, hi I'm that first anon ( /w\)

I'm glad you're doing well ❤️ Thank you so much for the content you're making. I've been kinda losing interest in Obey Me but I'd like to request a match-up, maybe it'll help me rekindle my love for the game.

So, hmm. I'm 18 and a bit of a short gal, 4' 11 since I last checked (aaaa, Asian genes. But hey, cute size difference).

I'm an INFP-T, so I kinda suck at socialising hahah. But I make up for it by showing a cheery exterior. It always feels good to leave a good impression.

I usually like to try keeping a soft image, but will also be a loud memelord if I ever get comfortable enough.

I'm about to study HUMSS next school year, dreaming of becoming an arts teacher or prof, if I can manage. But I struggle with anxiety, which kinda clashes with my dream career, since a teacher requires confidence ,w,)

I tend to put others' needs before myself, I always want to make sure my friends are happy. The world is... horrible, so I really try my best to ensure they're smiling. It just gives me good serotonin if I know I made them feel happier.

My brain is horrible at keeping stuff, meaning I'm really forgetful. And oof, not really the smartest tool in the shed. No thoughts, head empty. Only love and escapism✌️😔 My dumbass brain is another thing that clashes with my dream job.

I like drawing, listening to music (distracts me from bad thoughts), video games (my most favs are rpgs and open world), horror stuffs, and crying whenever I see frogs and dogs. I also like plants. Ohh, and shiny rocks, heck yea.

Tho, I'm not really taking care of any at the moment, but I dream of having my own garden. I love the cottagecore aesthetic.

A thing I should add I guess is that I used to be a total weeb, so my behaviour and speech is heavily influenced. I'd sometimes casually drop a 'hai?', 'nani', 'nande kore' and etc. in convos. Kinda makes me cringe, but dang I can't stop.

Even if I don't enjoy watching anime as much as before, I do like anime movies. All ghibli films, Kimi no Nawa, Weathering with You and A Silent Voice are my favs.

I just love the soundtracks so much qoq

My worse flaws are I'm hella sensitive, a huge procrastinator, childish, and easily jealous.

But despite me being a lazy dumbass, if I put my mind into something, I will not stop until I finish the thing. Which means I also tend to overwork myself.

I know it's unhealthy but it really keeps me motivated, aaa-

I also seem to like acting as if I know a lot? I mean, I come across as that but my real intention is I just thought to share my knowledge of the subject.

I just say a lot of stuff because I tend to blabber and jumble my words.

I guess my love language is words of affirmation. Compliments, I love you's, heart memes, cheesy pick up lines that my sleep-deprived self thought of at 4am- all of em!

These are the weapons I torture my friends with o(○｀ω´○)9

But ahh, the thing is I've never dated anyone before. I find it so difficult to fall for someone irl, or even gain crushes. Mostly fictional. So I have absolutely no experience in the dating business.

Something to do with my self esteem and trust issues, ekk-

Oof, that's long. I hope that's not too much. Again, thank you so much if you happen to get to write this. Take your time, hun ^w^ ❤️💕 AAAA, and congratulations on reaching 100 followers!

----------

Hi! 

Noooooo i’m so sorry it took me so much time to write this ;; I hope you like the result though! thank you for your patience!!  💕 💕 💕 

I decided to match you with Mammon! 

Here is why: 

Okay so obviously there is a bit of a height difference, I mean he is not even near to being the tallest but thats exactly why he thinks you are the best height - it makes him feel taller and that is good for his confidence. 

Mammon is known for going out and socializing a lot - even if more often than not he ends up in some kind of unusual situation. He is good at taking the initiative in case you have trouble. Just don’t always follow through his ideas he suggests to bond, because most of the time it will end up getting both of you in trouble. I mean it’s not like Lucifer would punish you too badly because of something stupid Mammon got you to do (besides you having to listen to a lecture about why the thing you two did was dumb), but poor friend of yours is not so lucky.  :(

  I like to think of him as a positive, rather optimistic, maybe naive person but I think your cheerful attitude goes well with that. I mean think about the aura you two would spread! 

He would definitely be surprised to learn about your loud memelord side, but that would fascinate him so much because you can open up to him sooner than to his brothers and that also makes him more proud to be with you! I think that would also help him grow some real deep feelings for you

 I think you’d be a great influence on him to help motivating him to put some more energy into his education. Although the only reason he would care more about that is the study times he can have with you, and it is up to you to decide if those sessions are actually studying together (read: you tutoring him and him staring at you in awe when you don’t look but can’t grasp the material) or if there’s an attempt but a couple minutes later he is talking about how to earn money fast and both of you try said method.

Helping him study sometimes would definitely help your self-esteem! I think he can come off as rather confident, so hanging around with people like him would definitely boost your confidence!

I think he would literally melt if someone put his well-being before themselves. Theres no going back now he is lovesick. I mean just think about all the times his brothers make fun of him. 

 I’m prettysure he is the best at making people laugh! He has no care in the world even if he has to do something dangerously dumb to make you smile!! 

He can be rather forgetful too so thats something the both of you have to work on if possible, but relationshipwise that should not cause conflicts. Sure he might forget about some stuff but it’s never your bday or a date with you because both of you are in love. 

I think he can try your hobbies to impress you or just to have another topic to talk about, but he will probably never be the best at drawing. I think the amount of music you listen to would drastically decrease as he is very good at occupying your mind - with positive thoughts! 

It is confirmed that he alsp enjoys videogames and he is good at them, so thats something you two can do together when you don’t really feel like going out. 

If you show him horror movies he will scream and will not be able to sleep well for 2 weeks but he is going to deny that with his life so good luck! 

 I think he would find it cute that you like frogs and rocks and stuff, he might tease you a bit about it at first but if he sees a frog on sale he will spend his money to give you a surprise frog! it will probably be some live magical frog (either poisonous or some weird demon magic frog that will have everyone in the house of lamentation end up in a comedic situation). So that was the last time he got you something he has no idea about without asking you first.  

Oh he would definitely tease you a lot about your vocabulary, but Levi would catch on you because you might not actually be a normie... And thats how Mammon gets too jealous to ever tease you again about something like that - how can he allow Levi to hang out with you :( 

And that brings us to both of you being easily jealous. In some cases that might end in conflicts because one person gets annoyed but in this particular case you just need to have a conversation about it. Set some boundaries both of you are okay with, and no issue! 

I think to make sure your time alone with Levi is more limited he would totally watch anime movies with you! 

He definitely adores your determination! If you ever ask him what he likes about you, he will probably mention this as one trait.

 Hmmm as I elaborated before, you knowing more stuff about things will probably prevent situations that would be caused by Mammon not being informed about some stuff.

Okay so he is definitely one who sends you memes at ungodly hours and you can’t stop him. He is awake, lying in bed, too in love to do anything besides think about you and smile and face the issues of being the local tsundere. And then you send him a meme full of love and he can not fall asleep for the rest of the night, feeling butterflies and imagining soft things with you like he did with nobody else before. 

Okay so I’m not sure about his dating experience, but as far as a know he doesn’t really have much either? in that case both of you could explore this new feeling together! 

So in conclusion this boy is very much in love and he can only hope that you feel the same. Both of you are a good influence o the other and that helps the two of you to grow together. He might have slightly more experience but that’s okay. I see no conflicts here, maybe the only exception being the fact that he can be rude towards you and you are sensitive, but he is quick to stop being rude once he sees why he is so wrong. And that will be the best decision of his life so far because not long after that he is very much in love for the first time in forever. Both of you are loyal to the other and jealousy means no issue. Well, after some conversation, that is. Both of you experience life together and theres always something to do, to see! 

[sunsetsover]

hello i know i’ve been gone for a couple of weeks and i disappeared without a trace and originally that was because ben’s deafness storyline was bringing back a lot of my own personal experiences that i dealt with when coming to terms with my disability and it was (and still is) really really hard to see what he’s going through and how shitty it is and how badly he’s handling it both because it genuinely is a tough thing to see but also because it reopens all these wounds and gives me anxiety and stresses me out bc reminds me of what i went through and what was easily the toughest and darkest part of my life and obviously that’s no fun to relive lmao

however at this point i’m just staying away bc every time i poke my head in to check what’s going on i’m seeing the most fucked up opinions and takes on the whole thing that it’s actually genuinely making me really angry and upset because the way some of you talk about ben’s disability and situation and specifically the way he’s handling this massive petrifying change in his life speaks volumes about how you view disabled people in real life. because yeah, this is a tv show and ben isn’t real, but things like this happen to people. it happened to ME. and guess what!! i did the exact same fucking thing ben’s doing!!! i isolated myself and felt miserable and got angry and acted out and did stupid shit and hurt the people that cared about!!! and i did that because i was terrified and suffering and hurting and angry!!!! and i’m fucking real!!! i’m a real person and i know for a fact i’m not the only person out there who’s dealt with this kind of thing and reacted in this kind of way. so yeah, you might be sitting behind your fucking keyboards saying all these things about ben being selfish or dramatic or unreasonable or whatever else and think it’s ok because ben’s not a real person but you forget that there are real disabled people reading this shit and potentially internalising those things and feeling like THEY have to deal with their situation in a certain way or that they can’t feel certain things because some able bodied dickhead on tumblr dot com feels like they’re entitled to give their shitty fucking input on how disabled people should react to or deal with their disability - and this apparently means we’re not allowed to break down or be upset or act out because that’s too dramatic!!! ben should just shut up and have his operation right!!!! he should just stop misbehaving and causing so much trouble because it’s inconvenient!!! it’s not fair on callum right!!!!!!

like for some reason some of you cannot see beyond the end of your fucking noses to see that this has absolutely NOTHING to do with callum!!!!!! what the fuck does callum have to do with the fact that ben is having a fucking break down!!!!! what does callum have to do with the fact that ben is scared and acting out in the only way he knows how because he’s desperate to prove he isn’t different and that nothing’s changed and that he can still do the things he’s always done!!!!! callum has so fucking little to do with what ben’s going through at the moment and yet some people cannot look at this horrible situation that ben’s dealing with through anything other than a ballum lens and it fucking REEKS

ben lost his fucking hearing, he’s isolated, he’s feels like he’s lost so much of his self, he’s angry, he’s scared, he’s upset, he’s petrified he’ll never hear his daughter’s voice again - his daughter who got hit by a fucking car because he couldn’t hear it and now he feels like he’ll never be able to look after her or keep her safe the way he should - and yes he’s acting out because of all of that!! that’s what happens when you can’t accept your disability!!! you’re determined to prove you can do what you could before no matter what it costs you!!! and yet i’ve seen MULTIPLE people reduce that to ‘well he shouldn’t do that because it’s unfair and inconvenient for callum’!!!!!!!!!! or ‘ben isn’t putting enough effort into his relationship with callum/thinking about callum’!!!! or ‘this is just angst porn that serves no purpose’!!!!!!!! do you not have a brain in your fucking head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! his brother’s just died!!!!! he’s just become deaf!!!!!!! he can’t fucking hear!!!!!!!!!!! he might never hear again!!!!!!! and is facing major surgery that might not even work!!!!!!!!!!!!! like hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of course he’s struggling and acting out!!!! the fact that so few of you seem to be able to comprehend what’s going on is genuinely worrying

the fact of the matter is that some of you are upset that you don’t have your able bodied ship being all cute and domestic anymore. YOU are the ones who feel inconvenienced or slighted, and you’re projecting that onto callum bc that’s how you can get away w saying this bullshit. bc - and i know this might come as a shock to some of you - when you care about and love someone, you support them when they’re going through such a difficult time. you try to be as understanding as you can. also just look at who callum is as a character. you think he wouldn’t understand ben’s behaviour rn??? like come on!! so maybe it’s YOU that has the problem. maybe it’s YOU that doesn’t like it bc ben’s struggling through this in an ugly (but COMPLETELY valid) way and that’s inconvenient for you bc, whether you’re even aware of it or not, being disabled is an inconvenience. disabled people are hard work. this is just how most able bodied people see disabled people. if you’re reading this and you’re able bodied, you’re not immune from this. you’re not special. like any other prejudice, it’s something you just subconsciously learn and you might not even be aware of. but i’m telling you as a disabled person, the way some of you are speaking abt ben/this storyline tells me everything i need to know about how you view disabled people. so maybe take a step back and ask yourself why you’re saying what you’re saying and why you may feel the way you feel regarding this particular sl. bc for a lot of you, whether you wanna admit it or not, the answer is ableism. 

i didn’t want to make this post bc i don’t LIKE being confrontational!! i wanna be polite and kind and fair!!! but some of you have to understand that when you’re saying some of this shit you’re basically disregarding/making light of/taking the piss out of disabled people and their experiences. maybe you’re not even aware you’re doing it, but that’s exactly what it is. that’s exactly what it comes across as, and that’s exactly what it feels like to read some of the things you post as a disabled person (and it’s not just me - i know for a fact this stuff is affecting other disabled people in this fandom too). it’s upsetting, it’s invalidating, it’s HUMILIATING. and i’m fortunate enough to be a point in my life where i’m at relative peace w my disability, but if this were 5 years ago?? you have no idea how reading some of this shit would have fucked with my head. so the fact that i know there are other disabled people out there reading this stuff and it’s affecting them is more important to me than not starting drama on tumblr dot com. their feelings mean too much to me for me to just sit here and not say anything bc i don’t wanna upset people. some of u need to be upset. it’s the only way you’re gonna learn.

literally all i’m asking is for you to think about the things you say before you post them. ask yourself why you feel a certain way about things. ask yourself if what you wanna say is potentially gonna hurt or upset or insult a disabled person who might be reading it. ask yourself if you just wanna say some bullshit abt ben bc you’re just mad callum isn’t getting more screentime. bc if the answer is yes i promise you your opinion is unhelpful, unneeded and unwanted. so maybe just u know. keep your mouth shut.

[the-original-hybrid-niklaus]

It was supposed to be a senior prank. No one is supposed to die. Or at least that’s what the students of Seaside High planned in the beginning.

It all started when six seniors from Seaside High decided to play a prank on the tyrant who’s been terrorizing the students with his typical wicked teacher antics, Mr. Jelly. The plan is simple—kidnap Mr. Jelly and bring him to Vivian’s family’s cabin near Fox Forest for a weekend and scare him hard enough so that he would give in to their demands as seniors in high school who wants to experience senior promenade before they graduate high school.

And they did. This plan sounded like a perfect plan to Rex, Andrew, Cassie, and Vivian when Jason and Brenda presented it to them.

“That’s perfect. I’m gonna make sure that the lodge is prepared this weekend.” Vivian said sitting on her boyfriend, Andrew’s lap. The others agreed that they should do this plan, not aware of the millions ways this whole operation can go wrong.

Friday came. Everybody is anxious to execute the plan they all agreed on doing tonight. Every tick of the clock feels like a drum pounding inside of their chests. The world spins so fast it makes them feel nauseous but there’s no turning back now. As it was mentioned before, the plan is simple. Wait for Mr. Jelly to end his work at 9 o’clock in the evening like he always do everyday based in Brenda’s observation and take him to the lodge.

When night casted its dark drapes in the sky, the anxiety tripled. Everybody is trying to calm themselves down and waited patiently for the tyrannous principal to come out of his office. When he finally did, the gang cornered him. Just to be sure that no one will know their identities, the students are wearing hideous bunny masks.

“Well, be on your way and you won’t get punished for coming to me like that.” Mr. Jelly said, looking at the students standing in front of him, making a guess on who are behind those hideous masks. None of them spoke a word. Acting based on the plan, Rex and Andrew knocked the principal off, covering his head with a black bag and tying him up. The rest of them helped in carrying Mr. Jelly’s helpless body to the trunk of Rex’s car and they all drove to the lodge where they will hold him captive for the weekend.

Somehow, relief washed over all of them, having executed the plan perfectly and with so far no problems. After an hour of drive, they reached Fox Forest where Vivian Lake’s family cabin is located. The girls prepared the room where they will imprison Mr. Jelly while the boys are carrying Mr. Jelly inside the property, carefully setting him down on the chair and tying him up.

“And now what?” Andrew asked removing his mask while Rex is removing the cloth covering Mr. Jelly’s head off.

“Put it back on Andrew. You’re messing this up!” Jason said, walking around the room frantically.

“Do you guys realize what we just did?” Jason asked the gang. Conscience seems to be catching up on him. Although he is one of the architects of this plan, he can’t help but feel like something is ultimately wrong with this. Honestly, he didn’t even know why he agreed to help Brenda make a plan that will ruin their lives for them.

“W-we’re criminals! That’s what we are now and our lives are ruined—“ he looked at the tyrannous principal and noticed that something his missing. “Where are his glasses?” He asked Rex and Andrew.

“I don’t know, it must’ve fallen off while we’re taking him here.” Rex answered, bending over and trying to look for the principal’s glasses on the floor. But it wasn’t it the room. Andrew and Vivian went out to look in the trunk of the car where he was placed earlier and it wasn’t there either.

“So those stupid glasses are going to mess things up for us.” Jason said, still frantic. Brenda, Jason’s girlfriend, tried to calm him down.

“Calm down, Jason. We’re not gonna do anything bad to Mr. Jelly. We’re just going to scare him. That’s all.” She assured him and herself. She can’t let this ruin their lives. Things should go as planned.

Their hostage started to regain consciousness. He looked around them but all he can see are the blurry and colorful images.

“Where are my glasses?” Mr. Jelly asked weakly, trying to keep his eyes open. His head is aching badly due to being knocked out by his students earlier. He have a pretty good hunch on who’s behind this ridiculous scheme.

“I know who you all are. I’m surprised that Mr. Andrew Thompson are with you tonight.” The hostage spoke as if he isn’t tied to a chair and there aren’t any masked goons in front of him.

“How did you know it’s us?” Andrew did a stupid thing. He took his mask off and somehow confirmed the theory in Mr. Jelly’s mind.

“Well, I didn’t but you confirmed it for me.”

“What the hell, Andrew?” Cassie Blake also took her mask off, looking at Andrew and started on yelling at him for being stupid and blowing their cover. For minutes, it went on like that. Cassie and the others blaming Andrew for exposing their identities to their helpless hostage. All of them except for Jason who is starting to feel guilty and really wants to let Mr. Jelly go.

“Enough. We all played a part in this. It’s not entirely Andrew’s fault.” said Vivian in defense of her red-haired boyfriend. All of their masks are off their head and before they forget the main agenda of this kidnapping they orchestrated, Brenda began negotiating with the principal.

“We want you to not cancel prom this year and allow all of the students you barred from the prom to come at the event, and your word that you won’t punish us. It’s a magical night for us and we want to be a part of that before graduation,.” Brenda started, looking at the man sitting on a chair in the middle of the room. “Record a video of you giving your statement and we will free you. Or we can do this all weekend.”

“I have an alternative.” Mr. Jelly began weakly, his head still hurting from the blow he received from Rex or Andrew earlier. “Let me go, you will be punish accordingly but I will not tell the police about this shenanigan.”

Everyone fell silent for a moment, considering what their principal just said. But the silence was broken by Cassie’s hearty laugh.

“How about, no. You must know by now that I don’t back down from a fight, Mr. Jelly. Give us what we want and we’ll let you go. It’s a win-win situation.” The red-haired girl stated before going out of the room, followed by Vivian, Brenda, and Rex, leaving Jason and Andrew inside the room.

“Just give us what we want, Mr. Jelly.” Jason pleaded, he’s fighting the urge to cut those zip ties off and let their hostage go but he knows that the other won’t agree with him.

Mr. Jelly ignored Jason’s plea and spoke, “I was wondering what your dad will say about this, Mr. Thompson. I’m sure he won’t be proud to see his son be a criminal. You’re a disgrace to your family.” He was trying to get into Andrew’s head, using his father—who’s now dead—to maybe make Andrew feel ashamed of what he did and let him go. It’s pretty hopeful to just think about that and wish it would work. But instead of cutting the zip ties binding him to the chair, Andrew punched his face repeatedly. His father is still a touchy subject for him and the tyrannous principal even talking about him makes his feel angry although he has a point. Jason desperately tried to get Andrew away from Mr. Jelly but the raven haired boy is weaker than the redheaded one. Fortunately, Rex heard the commotion and he hurriedly came to Mr. Jelly’s rescue.

“Hey! Stop it, man.” Rex immediately grabbed Andrew’s arms and yanked him away from the now bloody principal.

After the event earlier that evening, Vivian is still trying her best to dissuade the feelings of anger Andrew is feeling before he does something he’s gonna regret. Cassie is up for the first shift of keeping an eye on their helpless hostage. Mr. Jelly tried to talk some sense into Cassie and even attempted on negotiating with her on his terms but as usual, Cassie isn’t swayed by Mr. Jelly. She remained unbothered through the entirety of her shift.

The night grew older as the hours go by. It’s time they all went to bed to rest and think about a plan to persuade Mr. Jelly to giving in to their demands. Everyone except for Jason is fine with keeping Mr. Jelly here for the weekend. Tonight, as they all sleep soundly in their beds, he plans to free their hostage out of guilt. After a few more moments, he felt that everyone is already dozing off and so the act of redemption begins. The raven haired boy sneaked from his and Brenda’s room and went to the room where Mr. Jelly is being kept but he heard voices coming from the area. Curiosity took over Jason and he listened to the hushed voices talking in room.

“They all want to let you out after this but I don’t think so.” said the voice which belongs to Rex Reynolds. The next thing he heard is Mr. Jelly’s low chuckle before he spoke weakly.

“Don’t tell me you’re still angry about that incident.”

“What the hell is he talking about?” Jason thought to himself as he continued to listen. Secrets are being spilled right now. A punch landed on Mr. Jelly’s face but it made him laugh some more, seeing that his words are getting to Rex’s head. Rex is nothing but disgusted and angry at this man. He always has been since the night that something dirty happened between them. All because of his love for football but this tyrant won’t allow him to play anymore due to bad grades. He felt dirty and molested. He had been for months now. He’s angry at this man who took advantage of his love for the said sport and angry at himself for letting this vile man defile him in such way.

Before words could spill out of the principal’s lips, Rex took the bag they used earlier to cover his head and used it once again to inhibit the air from coming inside Mr. Jelly’s lungs. He did not stop until he stopped struggling and moving. And there he sat, lifeless.

After the events that happened before his eyes, Jason sneaked back to his and Brenda’s room, tears are falling in his eyes. Regret is taking over him. They shouldn’t have kidnapped their principal. It’s wrong on every angle and now it can never be taken back. The fact that Mr. Jelly is now dead scared him and unsettled him, but the fact that one of his friends are capable of such thing is more frightening. Those thoughts kept Jason up all night. It wasn’t until 7:34 am when everyone was awake due to Cassie’s scream. They all rushed to the room where their hostage is being kept and they found them there, dead, colorless, and cold.

Naturally, the blame falls on Andrew who was in a heated moment of rage with their principal earlier. Only Jason and Rex knows the truth.

“Maybe we should go to the police.” Jason suggested. All of them turned on him with looks of disbelief evident on their faces.

“And tell them what, hobo? It’s going to ruin our lives. I don’t plan on spending the next twenty years behind bars.” Cassie snapped, she shifted her gaze on the lifeless body before them once again.

“We need to bury his body.” Brenda suggested and they all went to work. Jason is still ridden with guilt but he obliged in fear that the body count will increase by one.

Weeks have past and no one has found the body of their victim yet. They began to feel safe, even Jason began to feel safe—although the nightmares about that night still bugged him. Just when they thought it’s officially over, a group of campers found a pair of glasses that might’ve belonged to the tyrannous principal and the anxiety kicked in again.

“I don’t care what you’re all going to say, I’m going to tell the police.” Jason said, taking his bag and marching to the door of the club room where they were meeting, but Andrew and Brenda pulled him back.

“No, Jason. You will do no such thing. You will not ruin our lives, our future. I’m still going to Yale.” Cassie placed her hands on her waist and looked sternly at Jason, trying to intimidate him but it’s not going to work.

“Can we all just think clearly here? No one is going to the police.” Vivian began. “No one’s life will be ruined and no one will be going to jail.”

“We are monsters, Vivian.” Jason answered, he cannot believe that he’s hearing about this and nobody seems to care that Mr. Jelly is dead.

“Yes, and we can be monsters in college or monsters in jail. I prefer the former, Jace.” Brenda tried knocking some sense in her boyfriend.

Their meeting ended and they finally persuaded Jason to calm down and not go to the police. He didn’t tell anyone about the things he witnessed and heard that night. But his actions made Rex feel unsafe. He needed to stop Jason before he says something to anyone and to solve their problem. And so he sneaked off from a class and cut Jason’s brakes.

That day, Brenda decided to hang out with the girls and she didn’t ride with her boyfriend. Jason, unaware of the things before him started the engine and drove back to their house. On the way home, Jason hit a ten-wheeler truck and died on the way to the hospital and their secrets died with him.

[sunlightdances]

ONE SHOTS:

SPN Angst Bingo ‘18 Masterlist Dean Headcanons/Bullet point Fics

Newest on top; updated 2/2/2021

Untitled (literally couldn’t think of a title for this lol): PG-13 for swearing She came out of nowhere, knocked him on his ass, and then asked him to apologize. How hard did he hit his head?

Body Language: PG-13 Low blood sugar sucks. Dean’s POV.

Everybody Knows I’m Torn Apart: PG-13 You manage to call Dean a few miles away from the bunker. Despite your injuries, you tell him the basics: you lost too much blood, you need a ride, you’re pretty sure you’re going to pass out soon. His gruff voice over the phone is the last thing you hear before you physically can’t keep your eyes open anymore.

Two Hearts on Fire: PG-13 3 times Dean is there for you and one time you’re able to return the favor.

Stay a Little Longer: PG You let yourself be vulnerable and Dean does too.

You’re an Ocean: PG The never ending push and pull between you and Dean finally comes to an end.

Take My Hand (When You Can’t See the Light): PG-13 (a few swears) Dean plays the knight in shining armor when you meet him by chance. Turns out you’ll meet him several more times. Everything happens for a reason, right?

Winter Air: PG Contrary to popular belief, Dean is a big softy who loves winter.

Slow Days: PG Dean meets you on a slow, lazy day in Lebanon at Christmas.

Come Home: PG Dean comes to your door in the middle of the night. it’s a good thing, too, because you’re gearing up for a fight.

Don’t Go Changing: PG-13 It was never supposed to end up like this. You find out the truth about Dean Winchester.

Dog Days: PG-13 (for violence) Dean rescues a dog and ends up being the one rescued.

Helping Hand: PG After recovering from an injury, you’re having a hard time getting back into fighting form. Dean helps you through it.

Sun Warmed: PG He sits on the edge of the table, watching you as you flit about the room, grabbing a mug, some coffee creamer, and sugar. You wait for him to make a comment about how sweet you like your coffee, but it never comes. Another sign that he’s not entirely himself today.

Untitled drabble: PG Someone is carrying you. Your head jostles until it finds purchase against a broad shoulder, and in your daze you can make out a conversation - though you’re not able to make sense of anything being said.Someone is urging you to open your eyes, You want to do what they ask, you want to ask questions, but you’re so tired.

I’ll Be Your Lifeline Tonight: PG Dean shoulders his own burdens. He always has. And truth be told, it comforted you to think he had it under control. Dean’s always been the one with the plan, the one who knew what to do next. Now that he doesn’t… you can’t lie, it freaks you out. But you have to help him right now. If the tables were turned, he’d do the same for you.

Untitled: PG You stop mid-sentence as you come around the corner into the rec room, seeing him fast asleep on the sofa. There’s a magazine on his lap and a few other books strewn around him, and while this isn’t really that out of the ordinary for him, it’s the glasses tucked into his collar that draw your attention.

It Echoes a Spark: PG-13 “I was on my way home. Traveling. Saw I was driving through town and thought… well, it’s almost our anniversary.” He winks, and it’s amazing how you’re not a puddle of goo right there on the floor.

Wrapped Up in Your Love: Rated PG @sixtysevenandwhiskey asked for: “i did that annoying thing where i put loads of smaller boxes inside one big box and you’re getting really mad but you don’t know that the ring is in the smallest box and i can’t wait to see your face”

Snow & Scarves: Rated PG @lipstickandwhiskey said “I gotta see you do “PULLING YOU IN FOR A KISS WITH A SCARF” because SWOON” and I mean, same, tbh.

Stay Here Til Sunrise: Rated T “You’re making a mental checklist of everything you need to do when you finally stop somewhere - the first thing being calling Sam to let him know his brother got his arm broken trying to be a goddamn hero again, followed closely by getting to a bathroom where Dean can’t see you as you try to calm the fuck down.”

Bruised Hearts: Rated T She sort of, kind of, probably hates him. He tells himself it’s for the best.  

Just Let Me Try: Rated T You get in a car accident not far from Dean’s shop and go to him for help. Mechanic!AU. Dean’s POV.

On Your Mark, Get Set, Bake: PG Dean discovers your guilty pleasure TV show.

I Remember Loving You: PG-13 When you think you’re in trouble, you go to Sam and Dean for help, despite the fact that you and Dean haven’t spoken or seen each other face to face in months.

Bright Lights Won’t Leave Me Alone: PG-13 Prompt: “We got involved in a fight at a bar and had to share the night in the same jail cell”

If It Keeps You By My Side: PG-13 The reader reveals something to Dean that turns his world upside down. Written for Annie’s 300 Follower Grand Budapest Motel Challenge!

One More Hour: PG Dean’s tired and can’t hide it from you no matter how hard he tries.

Danger Always Was a Friend of Mine: PG-13 You get stuck driving through a huge storm on your way to the bunker. Dean reacts in a way you don’t expect.

Run, Run, Run Away: PG-13 Dean calls you to go on a hunt he’d otherwise have to take solo. It takes quite a turn.

Lost Hope, Can’t Cope: PG-13 Dean helps you when your anxiety, stress, and everything else jumbled up in your head becomes too much. Alternates between the reader and Dean’s POV.

One Way to Shut You Up: PG A good, old-fashioned post-hunt celebration gives you the courage you finally need.

Now Close Your Eyes: PG You have a hard time letting other people take care of you.

Something About You, I Just Can’t Fight: Rated M You’re pretty sure Dean’s figured out your big, stupid crush on him, and you’re sure it’s only a matter of time before you spontaneously combust.

Loving Everything You Do: Rated T The washer broke. It’s not your fault that the only thing near you at the time was some of Dean’s clothes, okay.

Heavy Heart and a Heavy Mind: Rated T A badly-timed wish on your part and a curse from a witch has you and Dean reconsidering the nature of your relationship. Written for SPN Angst Bingo.

Let the Lonely In: Rated T After a bad day and a sleepless night, the reader and her insecurities are her own worst enemy.

Someone Throw a Lifeline: Rated T While wrapping up a case, Sam and Dean get a weird phone call that has Dean assuming the worst.

Everything You Are:  PG Dean’s POV.  Dean discovers the pretty librarian he met on a case is a little more “in the know” than he realized.

You’ve Had Me All Along: Rated M You’re so pissed that you’re even in this situation, your hands are shaking from adrenaline and anger. Huffing to yourself, you grab your phone out of your back pocket and dial one of two numbers you know by heart.

More Heart and Less Attack: Rated T The reader shows up at the bunker after being attacked, hurt and on the verge of a panic attack.

One More Time Before I Fall: Rated T This weird tension between you and Dean had to come to a head sometime, and what better time than when you’re trapped in the Impala with him for a long trip?

Untitled drabble: Rated T Dean has to bail you out of jail during a hunt, and isn’t happy about it when he sees you again.

Untitled drabble: Rated T One ghost down, five to go. You’re on your way to rescue the Winchesters.

Untitled oneshot: Rated PG Prompt: “I have been driving for the last 5 hours and all I want is some god damn beef jerky, so GET YOUR HAND OFF THE LAST PACKAGE ON THE SHELF YOU MAY BE HANDSOME STRANGER, BUT NO ONE IS STANDING IN BETWEEN ME AND THAT SALTY SNACK”

Breaks Your Heart Like Lovers Do: Rated PG Anon asked for a angsty fic based on “Happier” by Ed Sheeran. Don’t worry - there’s a happy ending!

Untitled Angst Day drabble: Rated T You’ve been hiding your feelings towards Dean for months, and when you guys have the biggest fight you can ever remember having, you reach a breaking point.

Seeing Eye to Eye and Heart to Heart: Rated T You get hurt on a hunt, and afterwards, Dean starts acting real weird.

Can’t Get You Close Enough: Rated M Dean tears into you after a hunt goes bad, causing you to have a panic attack. He makes a confession to your after, about why seeing you hurt makes him react that way.

I’ll Be Back, Give It Time: Rated M While you’re struggling with your feelings for Dean, you have your first fight.

Untitled drabble: Rated PG. You and Dean have this thing going on. You tease him, he teases you. You don’t expect it to lead to hurt feelings until it does.

Glasses: Rated M. Dean wears those glasses. You have feels.

Lately: Rated M (Dean POV, third person) Dean reflects on his feelings for the reader.

Now And Then I Get A Little Lost: Rated M (mild smut) Established relationship with Dean x Reader. The two of you run into Cassie on a hunt, and seeing Dean’s ex brings up some insecurities.

Got The Flu: Rated M Dean takes care of you when you’re sick, and confessions come in dramatic fashion. You know the drill.

Enough For Now: Rated M (mild smut, language) You haven’t seen Dean in over a year, and the scruff he’s sporting now is doing things to you.

Valentine’s Day oneshot: Rated M. Pure smut. Dean wears that coat. You know the one.

Don’t You Forget About Me: Rated M. Post 12x11. You help Sam figure out how to get rid of Dean’s curse. He doesn’t remember you, but he remembers something.

Untitled oneshot: Rated M (barely any smut, rated for language + dirty talk) The gang have a hunt at the zoo. What could go wrong?

Best Friends?: Rated M Prompt: “We’re best friends and I’ve been in love with you forever and I’m 30000% sure you only see me as a friend, except why is there all this tension rn?

Family Ties: Rated M (mild smut) You didn’t know your stepmom was a witch, okay. It’s not your fault you’ve got a coven on your tail. It’s also not your fault that Dean Winchester hates witches so much.

Untitled drabble: Rated M. Prompt was “comfort” - Dean comforts the reader after a hunt goes wrong and causes her to have nightmares.

Sooner Or Later: Rated M. Prompt was “touch”. Tension relief.

It’s So Clear Now: Rated M. You run into the Winchesters after a few months hunting alone, and when you get hurt, Dean takes care of you. This is a long one - 5K.

You Look Good in My Shirt: Rated M. You borrow Dean’s sweater and it causes him to finally make a move.

You’re A Sight For Sore Eyes: Rated PG. Based on a prompt. Dean helps you sleep when you’re dealing with some anxiety.

The More I’m Gone, The More Things Change: Rated T. You go with the Winchesters to LA to hopefully help them ice Lucifer.

They Call It The Season Of Giving (I’m Here, Yours For The Taking): Rated PG You get a little emotional exchanging Christmas gifts with Dean.

It’s The Same For Me: Rated T. You mess up on a hunt and Dean calls you out for it. Resentful of being treated like a kid, you lash out.

Missing You: Rated T. You and Dean are alone in the bunker for a night when you surprise him with a visit. He’s missed you.

Untitled drabble: Rated T. Dean is so protective of you, it makes you crazy. You fight, and then make out.

Don’t Look Back: Rated T, sequel to “Ain’t Afraid Of No Ghosts”. Dean shows up unannounced to make sure you’re safe as he and Sam investigate some demon signs near your home.

Rescue Drabble: Rated T Sam and Dean rescue you after a close call while hunting, and afterwards, Dean’s guilt leads to a confession.  

Happy To See Me?: Rated M (light smut in this one). Imagine seeing Dean for the first time in months, and him not being able to hide how happy he is to see you.

Ain’t Afraid Of No Ghosts: Rated M.  You’re not happy when the Winchester brothers show up to steal your hunt, no matter how cute you think the older one is.

PROMPT FICS:

Dean + “dance with me” / “I’ve always loved you”

Dean + “Can you walk?”

Platonic Dean + Lisa being jealous

Dean + “I’d sooner die than deny my feelings for you”

Dean + “You look terrible”

Dean + “No, wait, please. Can’t we talk?”

Dean + “I belong with you”

Dean + chocolate

Dean + fear

Dean + nicknames

Dean + morning routine

Dean + playing with hair

Dean+ fireplace

[littlelovelyspiderling]

Could you write a fic where Peter's really stressed out and Tony tickles him to make him relax? :3

Um…YES PLEASE!! Thanks so much for the prompt!

Breaking Point

Peter’s got too much on his plate but won’t accept any help. This does not sit well with Tony Stark.

word count: 1,800 (they keep getting shorter whoops)

One way or another, the kid always had something to stress about.

School, friends, finances, crime-fighting—there was never a moment in Peter Parker’s life when he felt like he could just breathe. There were too many things to do in such a short amount of time that required all of his attention to get right. It would be overwhelming for anyone, but for a teenager? It was the end of the world.

Nonetheless, the kid handled it all so well. Too well, in fact. He maintained such a plucky and positive attitude on such a consistent basis, people often forgot what he was dealing with. How could someone so happy be drowning beneath the weight of the world? He had a knack for hiding his struggles and tucking the stress somewhere deep inside himself where no one else could see. He’d gotten so good at it, even those closest to him would sometimes go blind to his troubles. Even Tony Stark.

So Stark had learned to be more vigilant. Peter did, in fact, have a breaking point. And when he finally hit it, when the tiniest signs of anxiety finally slipped through his defenses, Tony knew that meant the kid needed his help. Badly.

Today was one of those occasions. It started with Peter declining his offer to help him on a project in the lab. Peter always wanted to help him in his lab. Then, when Tony tried to hand him a bag of gummy worms, he claimed he wasn’t hungry. Peter was always hungry. Something was up. He never once tried to start or hold a conversation, which were some of his greatest skills. The kid just sat at the desk by the window, facing the wall, jotting down page after page of notes with maddening speed. After an hour of silent scribbling, Stark caved and strolled over to him.

“What’cha up to, kid?” he inquired, sipping his coffee.

Peter glanced up in surprise, as if he’d just snapped him out of a trance. Then his gaze returned to the desk, hardening a little.

“Just outlining my speech for tomorrow. And studying for a midterm. And, uh, writing an essay for Spanish.”

Tony whistled. “Sounds like a lot.”

He shrugged. “It’s fine. Just gotta crank through it. High school, y’know?” He plastered on a smile, but Stark saw right through it. The kid’s hand was trembling from writing so feverishly. He examined the pile of textbooks and crushed-up paper wads overcrowding the tabletop.

“Is this all due tomorrow?” Stark asked. Peter visibly winced.

“Um, yeah. I meant to work on it over the entire week, but I just didn’t have time.” He swallowed, scratching the back of his neck. His shoulders hunched around his notebook. “But it’s really no big deal. It’s my own fault, anyway. I’ll get it done.”

Tony felt a sad tug in his chest. He exhaled softly and placed his hand on Peter’s back. “You know you can ask me if you need help, kid. School stuff, hero stuff, anything. I’m always here for you.”

Peter stared up at him and hinted a smile. “Thank you, Mr. Stark. Really. But I’m good.”

With that, he went back to work. The kid was awfully good at deflection. Tony sighed, feeling useless, and stepped away. He wondered if doing what he said and leaving Peter be was really the best way he could help.

Then he watched him—from the lab, on the screen showing the feed from one of the ceiling cameras—and knew that wasn’t true. Once Stark left the room, his front dissolved, and the kid was in shambles. He kept dropping his face into his hands and pulling at his hair. He wrote down two words then immediately balled up the page three times in a row. Tony could practically see the stress waves radiating off him. He was not good. He needed help.

So, puffing out his chest, he ascended the stairs and stomped back up to him, grabbing on to his shoulder.

“Kid, come on. This is stupid. You’re a wreck.”

Peter flinched in surprise, blinking at the frowning Avenger, then dropped his head back on the table, huffing impatiently. “Mr. Stark, please,” he murmured, “I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. Let me help.”

“I don’t need help,” he grumbled. “I need to be left alone so I can focus.”

“You don’t have to do this all on your own,” Tony insisted. “Why do you think the Avengers work as a team?”

“The Avengers don’t have to do homework,” he mumbled, pillowing his head in his arms. He leaned over the desk and hid his face. “Just please go away.”

With just one hand on his shoulder, Stark could feel how stiff he was. He was like a tiny, teenager-shaped volcano on the verge of eruption. The kid needed to relax, and he needed to realize that accepting help when one needed it wasn’t shameful. He pulled his hand back, then observed the way Peter was sitting and ignoring him. He was being both stubborn and unguarded, an unwise combination, which gave Tony an idea.

He didn’t know if it would work, but now he was too curious not to try. Wordlessly, Stark lunged at him from behind, wiggling five fingers into both sides of Peter’s belly.

The response was immediate and hysterical. The kid shot upright with a squeal, slamming both his hands against the table in attempt to guard himself. His voice jumped several octaves higher than usual.

“Ahaha! Mr. Stahark! Whahat are you dohohing?” He grappled at his fingers, giggling like crazy. Tony grinned.

“All you had to do was accept my help. But no, Spidey had to be Mr. Tough Guy, didn’t he?” He kneaded one hand into his ribs and the other into his armpit, making Peter shriek.

“Ehehehaha! S-stohohahap it!” He tried to squirm out of his grip, but the armrests were blocking him, and Stark’s tickly fingers jumped to every new spot his movements exposed. It was like he knew exactly where he was wriggling to next, and what areas that left open for him to tickle. For someone who was rarely physically affectionate with anyone besides Pepper, Tony’s sudden display of teasingly playful behavior was unexpected. Not to mention evil; Peter could barely breathe, he was laughing so hard. He twitched and screeched, torn between guarding himself and grabbing for Stark’s hands. Trying to do both at the same time was very ineffective.

“Here I am, trying so hard to be a good mentor.” Tony squeezed his sides and scribbled all over his belly, eliciting squeaky giggles from the kid’s lips. “But how am I supposed to do that when all you want to do is be a sad, angry grouch sitting alone in the corner? Uh-uh. Not on my watch, bud. This is what you get.”

“Mihihister Stahahahark!” Peter laughed, throwing his head back. “Plehehehease!” He tried going limp, arching his spine, hoping to melt to the floor and escape his hold. Unfortunately, Tony caught on to his scheme, and he wrapped his arms around his midsection, pinning him against the back of the chair. The motion hiked Peter’s shirt up his torso, which he wasn’t fast enough to fix. So, while Stark’s arms trapped him in place, his fingers curled around his sides and drilled mercilessly into his bare stomach. The unbearable tickling sensation sent shocks through his body. Peter fell to pieces.

“AHAHAHAHA! W-WAHAHAHAHAIT! NOHOHOHAHAHA!” Tears pricked in his eyes as he kicked and squirmed and laughed helplessly. The kid was a lot more sensitive than Tony had anticipated. He wondered if May ever used it against him when he acted this way around her. His giggling was so cute and childlike—and a welcome break from the past hour of muffled grumbling and tense silence. He knew Peter was strong enough to break out of his grip. Either he was too scared of accidentally hurting him, or he was too busy laughing his ass off to remember. Whatever the case, it was amusing to watch the superhero crumble beneath his wiggly-tickly tummy attack.

“Are you going to let me help you now?” Stark asked, skittering his nails across the kid’s ticklish skin. Peter bucked and kicked, squealing with laughter. He was too far from the desk to use it for any sort of leverage.

“Y-YEHEHEHES! YEHEHEHEHES! PLEHEHEHEHEASE!” He was going to explode if he didn’t stop.

“Good,” Stark said. “So what do you need help with?” He continued to tickle him, clawing at his belly in circular motions, waiting for an answer.

“W-whahat? I c-cahahan’t—AHAHAHAHA! OHOKAHAY!” His face burned with laughter and embarrassment. “MY SPEEHEEHEECH! I NEEHEED HEHEHELP WIHIHITH MY SPEEHEEHEEHEECH!”

Tony brightened. “Ah, your speech? Great!” With one last pinch to his ribs, he finally let the poor kid go. Peter slumped in his seat, hugging himself around the middle, gasping for breath and giggling weakly.

Stark pulled up a chair beside him, chuckling at the redness in his cheeks and the continuos stream of wheezy laughter bubbling from his lips. “So, what’s your speech about?” he asked, clicking a pen with his thumb.

Peter laughed softly, his head resting against the back of the chair and his eyes closed. “Eheh…oho my gohosh,” he groaned. “W-why dihid you…dohoho thahat…”

“Because you were being a little punk,” he said, tweaking his side. Peter flinched with a yelp. “You weren’t going to let me help you, and you weren’t going to stop marinating in your own stress. I had to improvise.” He grabbed the notebook from the table as Peter giggled helplessly. “Now, speech topic. Either lay it on me, or I’ll have Rhodey pin you to the floor and Dum-E tickle you until you pee yourself.”

Peter winced uneasily. “Okay, heh, okay. Ihit’s…it’s abohoat…endorphins…”

Stark scooted himself and the kid up to the desk, slipping on his favorite pair of high-tech sunglasses. “Perfect! Where should we start?”

Together, they finished all of his work before nine. He even had time to deliver a few practice speeches so Stark could offer him some pointers. For someone so beyond him in knowledge, Tony did a good job of letting him think through the problems he encountered on his own, never once giving up and just flat-out telling him what he thought should be done. Whenever Peter got stuck, he made sure only to nudge him towards possible solutions. If it wasn’t so belittling toward his capabilities, Peter thought he’d make a great college professor.

When they were done, Peter left with a small smile on his face. He was a little rattled from the afternoon, but also grateful. He hoped Stark wouldn’t resort to those measures every time he got a bit anxious. At the same time, if faced with a similar situation of stress and uncertainty in the future, Peter had a feeling it was in his best interest to ask for help from those who cared about him.

[tonydadisbestdad]

Dear Peter Parker - 3 - The Letter

Peter ParkerxReader

Dad!Tony, Mom!Pepper, Brother!Connor

Word Count: 1,478

A/N: ARE YOU ALL READY FOR ME TO START CHANGING SOME SHIT? Because you came to the right place! Please let me know what you guys think because I don’t want to fuck the story up too much but I like where I’m going with it right now.

Previous Next

The rest of the day was pretty terrible for Peter. All he wanted to do was go home, lock himself in his room, and stay there the rest of the year.

Well, his day got a little better when he found out that you had the same lunch as him. Even better you decided to sit with him.

“H-hey Y/N,” He stuttered out, the surprise on his face was evident.

You smiled kindly at him. “Hey, you don’t mind me sitting with you right? None of my friends have this lunch period, and I really don’t want to go sit with the fake cheerleaders.”

“Uh, y-yeah. I-I mean no, no I don’t mind at all.” He wanted to beat himself in the head for his awkwardness.

“Thank you.” You said, pulling your lunch from your bag. “So, how was your summer?”

Peter shrugged. “It was alright,” He lied. You didn’t need to know about how summer for him meant the torture of working part time jobs, nor about his anxiety and depression. Especially not about him trying to commit suicide. “What about you? Do anything exciting?”

You smiled, “It was nice, we went Amsterdam for a couple weeks, that was about it though. Just saw some sights and relaxed. But of course Connor had to ruin it like he does everything.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, but Amsterdam sounds neat. I’ve never been out of the country,” in fact he was jealous, but he wasn’t going to say it like that. He would never have a life of luxury like that. Even if you didn’t like your brother.

“Oh, hey I’m sorry about Connor earlier this morning… He’s such an ass.”

Peter rubbed at the back of his neck, his cheeks tinged red. “Oh, d-don’t be sorry… That was my fault.”

“You’re too kind, Peter,” You offered, reaching across the table and placing a hand on his arm. “But really, I am sorry.”

Even his ears turned red as you touched him. “Th-th-thank you.”

You smiled and went to eating your lunch.

Peter started to read way too much into that small gesture. He already had a crush on you, but just the thought of you possibly liking him back was invading his mind now. And suddenly, he found a small light in his darkness. He found himself a reason to want to keep going.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The rest of his day was not good at all compared to his lunch.

Of course his favorite bully Flash found him. That ended in him getting beat up, a bloody nose, making him late to class and ending himself in detention.

But, at least he was allowed to use the computer during detention.

Dear Peter Parker,

This year’s going to be a great year and here’s why… what a joke. This year is the last thing I want to get through. Between the work that I know will be coming. Having to help Aunt May with bills still, which means another part time job. Trying to not piss off both Flash Thompson and Connor Stark, yeah like I’ll manage that. Here’s to another great year of getting the shit kicked out of me for no other reason than that I’m a freak.

I would love to know if anyone would even notice if I wasn’t here. Would anyone care? I’d lighten Aunt May’s struggles of having to be a single parent to a kid that was dumped on her doorstep. I wouldn’t be the school’s freak so they wouldn’t have to waste their time making fun of me. Flash would probably notice just because he wouldn’t have anyone to beat up but it’s not like he’d really care. MJ definitely wouldn’t. Ned maybe.

But, at least there’s Y/N. Maybe she would notice.

God, I know it’s stupid to even think I could have a chance with her… but… I want one. She’s the only thing in my awful life that isn’t terrible. She’s beautiful and kind. I couldn’t believe when she sat with me at lunch today. Granted, I really think it was so she could apologize for her brother. He’s such an asshole. He has the world handed to him having the city’s richest parents. He’s terrible to his sister. I just can’t imagine being like that when you literally don’t have any problems.

If I ever get the chance to be with Y/N, I really don’t know if my anxiety would be enough to stop me from saying something to him. But until then, if it were to even happen probably not, I’ll avoid him as best I can and try to act more normal around Y/N so that maybe she’ll like me too. She’s the only person that remotely makes me feel something other than this terrible pain in my chest.

He hit print and got up to go get the paper. As he made it to the printer he noticed Connor sitting at the table right beside it.

With his hand holding his head up he eyed Peter sideways. “What happened to your arm?” He asked, eyebrow raising.

Shock was all Peter could feel now. He was trying to avoid being noticed by the older boy, but luck was never on his side.

Connor dropped his hand and looked at Peter expectantly. “Well?”

“Oh, uh, I uh I fell… out of a tree,” he lied, sending a glance to the printer which had finished. If he grabbed the paper now Connor might ask about it.

“That sucks,” he commented. “Sit down, Parker.”

Peter visibly gulped but he obeyed. He shot a glance at the printer hoping no one would take it. He sat across from Connor, hoping this wasn’t going to end badly, but it was him so it probably would.

Connor dug through his bag and pulled out a black marker. He reached for Peter’s cast.

“What are you doing?” Peter asked, pulling his arm back.

Connor rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna sign it. Obviously no one else wants to.”

Peter looked at him skeptically before extending his arm.

In big black letters Connor wrote his name before recapping the marker.

“Uh, thanks,” Peter said, looking at it.

Connor nodded. “So, you like my sister, don’t you?”

A blush shot across Peter’s cheeks, neck and ears. “W-W-”

Connor smiled a tight lipped smile at him and shook his head. “Course you do, who doesn’t? Even us miserable people have to have something, right?”

The bell rang, signaling that they could finally leave.

The two stood, Peter quick and Connor slowly.

“You know,” Connor started, making Peter pause in his escape. “Life sucks, but you could make it suck less if you tried harder.”

Peter wanted to comment about how Connor had a great life that he purposely ruined everyday by acting the way he does, but he didn’t.

“Falling out of a tree? You got a lot going for you and you don’t even see it.”

Peter knew then that Connor knew he’d lied. He turned back around and continued out of the room.

Connor gathered his things. He glanced at the printer, Peter’s reason for coming over in the first place. The paper was still there so he grabbed it. He hated himself more as he read over Peter’s letter to himself. Of course, he didn’t blame Peter for accusing him of having no problems. Not even his fucking parents wanted to notice. They just wanted be believe he liked to act out. He may have had the chance for the world to be handed to him, but he wasn’t perfect. It hurt, he hated being this way. He didn’t want to be the family disappointment. He didn’t want to be cursed with the broken light inside him. His real problem was he hated himself for not being able to do anything about it.

He couldn’t even be honest and just tell his family he loved them, that he would kill for them, die for them if it meant they’d be happy. He couldn’t even look Peter in the eyes and tell him he thought he was perfect. That he was jealous that of course he had eyes on his sister. He crumpled the paper up and threw it in the trash. The words burned into his mind as he made his way home. He always contemplated it, and maybe Peter had the right idea, he still wasn’t sure.

Peter on the other hand made it two blocks away from school before he realized he forgot his letter. He ran back, and discovered it gone. He knew it had to be Connor’s doing. When he made it home he prayed that the next morning wouldn’t start with a beating from him for the horrible things he’d said. He hoped Connor wouldn’t show you and ruin any chance he could even dream of.

Tags: Wanna be tagged? Just ask!

@manchurian-barnes, @marrvelle-fics, @chloe-geoghegan1, @awkwardturtle25, @defenestrate-yourself-please, @3blue-dreams3, @marvellouspengwing, @lesbian-jesus-jr, @valiantelk, @godhateskyleigh

[angstmatsuscenarios]

some sokudo hurt/comfort with oso helping choro calm down from an anxiety attack?

Sokudo hurt/comfort highlighting Choromatsu’s anxiety is among one of my favorite tropes in this fandom so I was eager to write this one. Poor boy really needs some comforting. Under the cut:

There’s no reason for me to feel anxious…why do I feel so anxious…??

Choromatsu folded his hands in his lap, suddenly aware of how badly his fingers were shaking. He tried to push aside his overactive thoughts and focus on the TV, on whatever inane gameshow Osomatsu had picked for them to watch and was currently laughing his ass of at, but it was like he couldn’t reign his mind in. His thoughts were spinning wildly, spiraling out of control.

Maybe it’s not anxiety. Maybe the doctor was wrong. It could be something worse…way worse. You never know.

Choromatsu’s heart skipped a beat, and he was aware of a sudden tightening feeling in his chest. He tried to suck in a deep breath, but he couldn’t. It was like the air suddenly couldn’t get all the way to his lungs, cut off in his throat instead. The more he tried, the more he felt like he was choking.

It could be your heart. Maybe it’s racing so much right now because you’re going to have a heart attack…maybe something was wrong with your heart this whole time and no one wanted to tell you because they knew you couldn’t take it.

This was stupid. He was being ridiculous and he knew it. The doctor wouldn’t lie to him about his heart…would he? Maybe it was just his anxiety…but hadn’t he read somewhere that people with anxiety were more likely to have heart attacks later in life, something like that…?

He couldn’t remember. He was too distracted by the pain in his chest. That tight sensation was getting worse now, gripping his heart, squeezing his lungs. He tried to gulp down another deep breath, but it stuck in his throat. His forehead broke out in a cold sweat, his entire body feeling tingly and way too hot.

Oh god, I can’t breathe, why can’t I breathe?? Is it because of my chest, why does it hurt so bad so suddenly? Oh my god, is it my heart, am I going to die?

Panic seized him, and he gasped, suddenly struggling for breath.

“Choromatsu…?” Osomatsu turned to glance at him, eyebrows furrowed together. “Are you okay…?”

“I-I think I need to go to the bathroom,” Choromatsu said curtly, standing up quickly and rushing out of the room. He didn’t want Osomatsu to see him like this. His brothers had already seen him like this so many times before, and he hated it, hated feeling so vulnerable all the time and like he needed to be handled so carefully.

He hurried into the bathroom, shutting the door a little too hard behind him. He slid to the floor, clutching the front of his hoodie, his chest heaving as he gasped desperately for air.

I can’t breathe…I can’t breathe…has it ever been this bad before?! I’m going to die, I’m really going to die like this, aren’t I? It hurts, my chest hurts…

He felt dangerously close to passing out. The edges of his vision went fuzzy and dark, and he was getting lightheaded. This wasn’t good, this wasn’t good at all…

A knock on the door made him jump. “Choromatsu? Are you in there?”

Osomatsu. His voice was muffled on the other side of the door, but he sounded worried.

“Y-yes,” Choromatsu managed to croak out.

“Are you okay?”

Just tell him yes, don’t let him in…

Choromatsu drew in a rattling breath that barely met his lungs, his chest burning.

“N-no,” he answered in a wavering voice, tears pooling up in his eyes. “I’m n-not, p-please I need help…”

In no time Osomatsu had thrown open the door and kneeled down in front of Choromatsu, eyes flickering with alarm at his brother’s obvious distress. “Panic attack?” He didn’t even have to ask. He already knew.

Choromatsu could only nod in response, hyperventilating. “C-can’t breathe…m-my chest hurts…”

“Okay.” Osomatsu took control then, placing his hands on Choromatsu’s shoulders, his grip tight and reassuring. “You know what to do. We’ll do it together, okay? It’ll all be fine, you are going to be fine.”

Choromatsu wanted to believe him, but it was hard. Even though he’d been through this so many times before, it was always so hard to convince himself he’d be okay.

“We’re just gonna focus on breathing now. Okay? Just do what I do, just like before.”   

Choromatsu managed a tiny nod.

“Breathe in–” Osomatsu inhaled through his nose, held it for a few seconds, and exhaled slowly though his mouth. “–and out.”

Choromatsu did as instructed, his breath shuddering as he let it out too quickly.

“Good. A little slower this time, alright? Let’s keep trying.” Osomatsu’s voice was calm and comforting as he spoke.

He demonstrated again, and Choromatsu followed his lead, his breaths short and shallow at first but gradually improving. Osomatsu murmured comforting words to him the entire time, mostly meaningless rambling, but encouraging nonetheless. It was amazing, really, just how trustworthy Osomatsu could be in a situation like this, and Choromatsu was so grateful for it.

Eventually, Choromatsu was managing to breathe normally on his own again. The tightness in his chest had loosened up some, and although his breaths were still a little shaky he could at least inhale deeply.

“Feel a little better?” Osomatsu asked gently, moving his hands to Choromatsu’s and giving them a little squeeze.

No, not really. But he just nodded a little, wiping at the tears still in his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie.

“Want a cup of tea, maybe? I’ll make you some.”

“Okay…thank you.”

“Yeah, no problem.” Osomatsu helped ease Choromatsu back to his feet. Choromatsu’s legs were quaking at first, but Osomatsu kept a protective hold on him until he could regain his balance.

Choromatsu wordlessly followed his brother into the kitchen, and sat down at the table while Osomatsu put a kettle of water on the stove to boil and started getting out cups and the tea.

“….Osomatsu?”

“Yeah?” Osomatsu glanced at Choromatsu curiously.

“Do you….do you think I’m…” He tried searching for the right word but couldn’t find it.

“What?” Osomatsu sat down across from Choromatsu, looking him in the eye.

“I guess…not normal?” Choromatsu finally made himself say, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat.

“Why would I think that?” Osomatsu asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You know…” Choromatsu wrung his hands, lowering his gaze to the tabletop, his vision blurring with tears again. “Because…because I’m like this. I just…I feel anxious a lot, and sometimes have panic attacks for no reason…” He shut his eyes tight, blocking the tears there from falling. “That’s…that’s weird, isn’t it?”

“Choromatsu…no. Not at all.” Osomatsu’s voice was firm and sincere. “You have anxiety. Sometimes you overthink, and sometimes you have panic attacks. But that doesn’t make you not normal.”

“It feels like it, though…none of you have to deal with this. Sometimes I feel like an outcast in my own family…like everyone else is okay, and then there’s me. The freak who’s always breaking down.” Choromatsu sniffled, his chin quivering. “Why do I have to be this way…?”

Osomatsu stood up, and wound his arms around Choromatsu in a hug. “Choro, that doesn’t make you an outcast. We know it’s hard for you, and we want to help…I mean, when you actually let us help. But never once have we seen you as anything but our brother. You’re not weird, you’re not a freak. You’re just Choromatsu to us.”

“Even w-with my anxiety?” Choromatsu asked, sniffling more, leaning into Osomatsu’s embrace.

“Of course! That’s just part of you. It sucks, but you just have to deal with it. And it’s not like you’re the only person in the world with anxiety, either.”

The kettle on the stove emitted a high-pitched whistle then, signaling that the water was ready, and Osomatsu pulled away from Choromatsu to finish making the tea. He sat down again a few minutes later, placing a steaming cup in front of Choromatsu.

“Thank you,” Choromatsu said quietly, after a minute.

“No problem.” Osomatsu sipped his tea.

“No, I mean, like…for everything.”

“Yeah. Like I said, no problem. I’m always here for you.” Osomatsu gave him a small smile. “But maybe you should talk to the doctor again. There must be something else they can do to help…because I don’t wanna see you feel this bad again. It’s hard seeing you be so down on yourself. I want my brothers to be happy, y’know?”

“I know.” Choromatsu blew on his tea, then took a sip. The thought of going back to the doctor, of confessing he wasn’t doing okay and needed help, made his heart pound. But he didn’t want to keep feeling like this, either.

He wanted to be happy, too.

[anderstarblaine]

The One With Solace || Seblaine

Date: April 12th, 2017

Location: Seblaine’s Apartment.

Who: Blaine Anderson & Sebastian Smythe

Notes: Blaine notices Sebastian is being broody and decides to sit down and talk about what’s wrong and Sebastian opens up to him. 

Trigger Warning:  Talk of sexual abuse. 

sol·aceˈ / ˈsäləs / noun

1.comfort or consolation in a time of distress or sadness. "she sought solace in her religion" synonyms: comfort, consolation, cheer, support, relief "they found solace in each other"

verb

solace; 3rd person present: solaces; past tense: solaced; past participle: solaced; gerund or present participle: solacing 1. give solace to. synonyms: comfort, console, cheer, support, soothe, calm "she was solaced with tea and sympathy"

Sebastian Smythe:

Sebastian lounged on the couch, mindlessly flipping through the pages of an old magazine as the television droned on at a low volume. Over the last few days, Sebastian had been a little more than quiet and maybe even brooding a bit. It wasn’t that Sebastian was icing Blaine out or purposefully ignoring him; he just had a lot of thoughts that he was keeping to himself.

While Sebastian had truly enjoyed all the lengths Blaine had gone through to make their first official date as enjoyable as it had been, there was a thought he had niggling in the back of his mind. Though it hadn’t really been such a big deal, Blaine had witnessed the fact that Sebastian wasn’t willing to bottom. He hadn’t told his boyfriend anything yet, but very specific memories that he’d kept buried for as long as he could were beginning to resurface. Sebastian knew as he and Blaine grew closer, the sooner the truth would be revealed. He had a good inkling of a feeling that the moment they would sit and discuss Sebastian’s dark past was waiting right around the corner.

When Blaine had first moved in and even when they defined the relationship, Sebastian didn’t give his past a second thought. It didn’t occur to him that one day he might have to tell his boyfriend anything. He’d always kept his secrets well-hidden but he knew he shouldn’t keep secrets from Blaine; he knew he could tell Blaine anything. This was just something he had a little trouble opening up about. Sebastian looked back at everything that ever happened between he and Hunter and the more he remembered, the angrier and more mortified he became. Shoving the magazine away from him, it skidded shut onto the floor. Sebastian huffed out an impatient breath and rolled over onto the couch, unaware of Blaine entering in from the other room.

Blaine Anderson:

After the day of their first date had gone so perfectly, Blaine felt like he was on cloud nine for most of the day afterwards. He and Sebastian were finally completely free to love their life and they had started it with a bang.

No pun intended.

The fluttering feeling in his stomach was soon replaced with one of worry when he began to notice a sudden shift in the air and Sebastian's mood. He was quieter than normal and he didn't seem as happy as the day of their date. Blaine wondered what could possibly be wrong after such a perfect day together, and about a day into Sebastian's brooding it clicked in his mind and he remembered the quick but tense moment when they were on the couch together and Sebastian so harshly denied bottoming when they had sex.

Blaine had taken note of Sebastian's reaction that day and decided not to press further, and with all of the excitement of the sex itself and him revealing his big news he had forgotten about it-- as much as he hated to admit. But once he remembered, he knew that was exactly what was wrong with Sebastian. Blaine really didn't want to upset his boyfriend by pressing and being nosy-- knowing that if Sebastian were ready to tell him whatever it was that bothered him so much about bottoming, he would. But after a few days of Sebastian brooding around the apartment and huffing and tossing magazines, he wasn't going to ignore it anymore. It was clearly bothering him badly and he was going to offer the secure shoulder to cry on. They were partners after all.

He could hear the rustling of the magazine from the kitchen as he quietly sipped on a cup of coffee, and when he heard it hit the floor he decided it was time. He watched Sebastian huff and roll on the couch as he made his way to the living room. Deciding to try a light approach, he walked over to the couch and sat directly on Sebastian. “Okay, spill it.” He shook his head. “I know something's wrong, you've been Captain Huffs-A-Lot for days now. I'm your partner, best friend, lover-- you can talk to me.”

Sebastian Smythe:

Sebastian grunted from his place on the couch to acknowledge his boyfriend’s presence when sat upon, but he wasn’t in a very talkative mood. With another grunt of discontent, Sebastian shrugged one shoulder unenthusiastically. He already knew he’d been visibly off after the day of their date even when he tried playing it off. He hadn’t felt like himself since then and it had even reached a point where running around as the Flash didn’t help, either. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said in his most nonchalant voice possible but he was no fool and knew that Blaine could see right through him. Even without looking at Blaine, he knew the man wasn’t buying it.

He made a move to get up from his place on the couch, needing his boyfriend to come off of him before he sat upright and invited Blaine to sit next to him. “I guess I’ve just been thinking…” Sebastian started, avoiding eye contact, “about stuff.” Keeping it vague always played well in Sebastian’s life and maybe it would for some reason pay off well here? At this point the man wasn’t thinking clearly and was just pulling out all the stops to avoid talking about what was plaguing him. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Blaine with this information; it just didn’t come so easily to talk or think about-- even with himself.

“It’s stupid,” he shrugged his shoulders again and shrunk in on himself, looking away. He crossed his arms over his chest and let out a light sigh, trying to find the right words to say it out loud. “I kind of almost freaked out the other day, when you mentioned us switching. I didn’t used to have problem with it before, but,” Sebastian cut himself off, unsure of how to continue. “I, I, I don’t know. I-It’s stupid,” he stuttered and mumbled, waving his hand in a dismissive manner. “Never mind, forget I said anything.”

Blaine Anderson:

Blaine rolled his eyes a little as Sebastian suggested that he had no idea what Blaine was referring to. He was glad that he didn't have to press too much further for the taller to offer a little more information. Moving to get off his boyfriend, he sat next to him once Sebastian sat up.

Blaine listened as the other attempted to let him in on what was bothering him, his forehead wrinkling at Sebastian's vague reasoning, trying his best to crack the code. Wit a soft sigh, Blaine put his hand on Sebastian's knee, rubbing it back and forth in attempt to comfort him. "Hey, it isn't stupid." Blaine assured Sebastian as he visibly attempted to curl in on himself-- clearly something happened in Sebastian's past and it wasn't good. A bundle of worry twisted Blaine's stomach up in a tight knot as a thousand horrible scenarios flashed through his mind.

"Babe," His voice was soft as he reached for Sebastian's hand, lacing their fingers together. "Sweetheart, please, you can share anything with me. It isn't stupid." Blaine's thumb caressed the back of Sebastian's hand soothingly as he tried to make it as easy as possible for Sebastian to open up. "Hey," He whispered, using his free hand to gently touch his boyfriend's cheek, turning it carefully so Sebastian was encouraged to look at Blaine. "Look at me. I love you with all of my heart-- nothing you could say could ever change how I feel about you. And whatever it is, we can handle it together-- you don't have to handle heavy things alone anymore."

Blaine spoke gently and sweetly, making sure that he got the point across that no matter what it was, he was there for Sebastian.

Sebastian Smythe:

Sebastian did his best to listen to his boyfriend, really taking his words to heart. He really believed all the words spoken to him and knew in his heart and in his mind that there was no reason to hide. He knew Blaine wouldn’t think any less of him and yet he was still afraid-- embarrassed, even. Looking Blaine in the eye and reading his genuine expression, Sebastian breathed in a heavy breath and leaned into the other’s touch. He closed his eyes to steel himself and every word coming out of his mouth felt like he had to pry them from his closely-guarded heart.

“The last time I bottomed, I was--” he cut himself off as something seemingly got stuck in his throat and he started over, “The last time I bottomed, it wasn’t good. It was, it was bad. Really bad.” Sebastian knew it wasn’t the whole truth but it was a step in the intended direction. He hadn’t even mentioned Hunter yet and his eyes screwed shut as he tried to push back the awful feelings that came with the resurfaced memories. With explanations still vague, Sebastian knew he would have to elaborate just from observing Blaine’s bemused expression. He could feel his hands becoming clammy and his mouth going dry. His anxiety was on the rise. It was as if talking about it put Sebastian on the brink of reliving those painful memories all over again.

Sebastian swallowed a lump in his throat and he felt like closing in on himself again but couldn’t because Blaine was holding onto him. He felt like running away and hiding because he was afraid of what his boyfriend would think or say. Still, as much as his whole being was telling him to run, he stayed put and looked to his boyfriend for reassurance and comfort. He needed Blaine. Now, more than ever.

Blaine Anderson:

Blaine held Sebastian’s hand tightly as he watched his boyfriend carefully, it worried him to see the other struggling so badly with the words to say-- he knew that whatever happened it was bad. When Sebastian confirmed that it was bad, Blaine could feel his insides turn cold, a thousand things rushing through his mind at once. What? Who? When? Where? How? A hundred questions-- but he knew that he had to be gentle with this. Sebastian was sharing a deep, dark secret that he’d never told anyone before and Blaine had to respect that and treat it with care. He did his best to internalize the things he was feeling and be there for Sebastian.

Letting go of one of Sebastian's hands in favor of rubbing his forearm comfortingly, Blaine took a soft breath. He wasn’t sure what to say next, his next words needed to be carefully chosen as to not upset Sebastian further. “Okay, it was bad.” He nodded once, looking as Sebastian, holding his gaze to let him know he was right there with him. “Do you want to tell me what exactly happened?” Blaine asked gently, unsure if he should just outright ask Sebastian the big question on his mind.

Nibbling on his lip a little, Blaine gave Sebastian’s hand a squeeze. “Take a deep breath, honey. Everything’s okay. You’re okay.” He assured him as he could feel how anxious his boyfriend was becoming. He’d never seen Sebastian quite like this before and it worried him a bit. “We’re in no rush, here, take your time. You can tell me what happened, okay?” He nodded gently, shifting his body to sit facing the other, his legs crossed underneath him, taking his hand again to hold it tight. “Sebastian, were you…?” The word got caught in his throat, unable to pass through his lips.

Sebastian Smythe:

The dangling question weighed heavily in the air and it didn't need to be said for either of them to know exactly what they were talking about here. It was a word Sebastian avoided even thinking about for the sake of saving himself embarrassment but also because he didn't want to villainize Hunter anymore than he already had been. Truth be told, if it had been anyone else, Sebastian might've been quick to call “rape” and be done with it. But he and Hunter had an odd kind of relationship and it was difficult for Sebastian to just ignore that and blame Hunter for everything.

“Y-yes, I mean, No-- I mean, I guess technically but it was also sort of my fault--" Sebastian tried to justify Hunter's actions, “Every time something happened, I went to him or he came to me… I must've given Hunter the idea that it was okay and--" As if the first words were like opening the floodgates, Sebastian began word-vomiting and told Blaine everything. He made it a point to never actually use the word “rape" but even then he knew that's exactly what he was describing. The pain-- both physical and emotional-- that came with his and Hunter’s intimacy were clear-cut signs of sexual abuse and rape. Hunter was very clearly in the wrong.

Sebastian could count how many times he had been with Hunter on a single hand; he could say confidently that there had never been a time where it was enjoyable. He and Hunter were one big mistake that the former had tried very much to erase from his past. Previously, it was easier to push things aside and pretend they didn't happen but he was with Blaine now; it was time to be honest and open.

At the end of Sebastian’s explanation for what exactly had happened and his traumatic experiences, the man found himself almost shaking and he clenched his hands into fists in an attempt to still himself. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner,” he apologized. He knew if Blaine had known earlier, there would've been no way in hell they would’ve gone to that bar with him. That whole night could’ve been avoided. “I'm… I'm sorry.”

Blaine Anderson:

As Sebastian completely poured himself out there right in front of him, Blaine held his breath, tightening his grip on his boyfriend's hand. He listened to every single word that came out of Sebastian's mouth, letting the reality of what he was learning sink in.

A fire ignited in his stomach as it twisted with rage. He knew from the moment he met Hunter Clarington that he was a good-for-nothing low-life, but he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had never felt so much disdain for one person in his entire life as he felt for Hunter in that moment. Blaine could feel his cheeks warming with every word that Sebastian shared of his past with the other man and all he wanted to do was leave right then and there and find him. He wanted to find Hunter and he wanted to hurt him. He wanted to make him regret ever even thinking about Sebastian.

Blaine did his best to keep his composure and not let Sebastian in on how absolutely furious he was, not wanting to upset him further. He focused himself on the man in front of him and he could see how visibly shaken he’d become from explaining his past-- focusing on how to calm him down. “Hey, hey,” Blaine shook his head as Sebastian apologized, moving to attempt to get closer. “Honey, no.” He whispered, taking the other’s hands in his own again, bringing them to his chest. “Look at me.” Blaine could feel his own hands trembling as he attempted to calm himself and Sebastian, coaxing the taller to look him in the eye. “Don’t you ever, ever, apologize to me or anyone for this.”

Blaine’s voice was calm and serious as he spoke, wanting his boyfriend to really hear him. “This is a really tough thing to talk about, I know. And I’m so proud and grateful that you feel comfortable enough to talk to me about this. You are so strong, Sebastian.” Letting go of one of Sebastian’s hands, he cupped his cheek gently to brush his thumb over the taller’s cheek. “I promise you, you never have to see him or speak to him ever again. He will never, ever, come near you again. I promise.”

Sebastian Smythe:

Sebastian was ashamed and mortified. He had never told anyone his secret; not his friends, not his family, and especially none of his hook-ups. Now that everything was all out in the open, Sebastian felt both relief and a crumbling fear for what would happen next. Eyes downcast and body still slightly trembling, the taller man found it difficult to meet his boyfriend’s eyes. When his hands were pulled closer to Blaine’s chest, Sebastian made eye contact. The first thing he noticed was that Blaine’s face was flushed red and despite the man’s best attempt to remain calm, it was evident he was angry. Sebastian understood; he knew the revealed information was upsetting to say the least and he knew that anger was probably bubbling just beneath the surface.

He let Blaine’s words really sink in, each one weighing more than the last. He didn’t feel strong and he wasn’t sure why Blaine would ever be proud of him. Regardless, the words made him feel loved and his worries were coaxed away slowly. Hearing the promise that Hunter would never be part of their lives was a relief but at the same time it gave Sebastian mixed feelings. Sebastian was also friends with Hunter despite the unwanted sexual encounters. Their relationship was complicated and years of being manipulated had left him puzzled about how he felt about Hunter, even without sex. Still, Sebastian knew better than to voice those thoughts for he knew Blaine was more than furious at the man.

“I just… I don’t want this to be a problem for us. I don’t want him to have ruined anything that could happen for us.” Sebastian expressed. He already knew Blaine was versatile and he wanted to be able to accommodate that. He wanted to connect with Blaine in that way as well; it was just a matter if he would mentally and emotionally capable of doing so. “I want to--” he cut himself off again. Truth be told, he simply wasn’t sure he would ever be able to bottom again.

Blaine Anderson:

Blaine shook his head as Sebastian spoke, bringing the taller’s hands up to his lips to kiss them gently. He was heartbroken seeing his boyfriend like this. All he wanted to do was kiss it and make it all better-- he wanted to take this pain away from Sebastian. “Baby, no.” His voice was soft as he continued to hold Sebastian’s hands to his chest. In his mind it was crazy to think that anything could or would ever come between them and mess up what they had-- he knew it was impossible. But he also knew that Sebastian’s fears were valid and very real, he would have to do everything in his power to make sure the taller knew nothing would ever break them apart.

“You and I,” He started, his golden eyes staring deep into Sebastian’s, practically gazing into his soul. “We’re solid-- we are always going to be okay.” Blaine kissed his boyfriend’s hands again, his voice very serious, yet soft, as he spoke his words of reassurance. “Nothing is ruined-- you and I are so good, honey. So good.” He hated Hunter. He hated him for making Sebastian feel this way-- for forcing them to have this conversation. “I want you to listen to me and listen good, okay? There’s nothing in this world that could ever ruin us. We’re finally together and that’s how it’s going to stay, I promise.”

Blaine made sure that Sebastian held his gaze before saying his next words, wanting them to ring loud and clear in his boyfriend’s mind. “You don’t ever, ever have to bottom if you aren’t comfortable with it. If someday you feel like you want to try it-- we will go slow and if at any moment you need to stop, we will. Don’t ever be afraid to talk to me about this, okay?” Blaine finally let go of Sebastian’s hands to slip his arms around him the best he could to pull him closer. “I love you,” he whispered, pressing his lips to the taller’s temple. “I love you, and you’re okay. We’re okay-- don’t ever doubt that.”  

Sebastian Smythe:

As he stared into Blaine’s eyes, Sebastian felt like something inside of him was melting away. He watched as his boyfriend gently kissed his hands and with each word spoken and each act of affection, Sebastian could feel the love that Blaine felt for him. He shut his eyes when Blaine kissed his forehead, and his chest rose with a shaky breath. He felt like he could relax in Blaine’s gentle but firm embrace. The taller man wrapped his arms around Blaine as best as he could and he screwed his eyes shut tight as he did his best to listen to Blaine’s words and only Blaine’s words. Everything else didn’t matter. Hunter didn’t matter. All he needed was Blaine.

They were okay. They were together and they were okay.

He clung onto every word like a lifeline and he nodded slowly. His insecurities slowly subsided. “I love you too,” he rasped, something catching in his throat. He could feel tears welling up behind his eyelids; his face felt flushed and there was heat building behind his eyes. But he wasn’t about to let himself cry. He promised himself he wouldn’t. So he just hugged Blaine, tightly holding onto him. He repeated Blaine’s words back to himself in his head, telling himself that everything was going to be okay.

When he had calmed down a little and felt like he could talk again without the sensation of a lump stuck in his throat, Sebastian promised to always be upfront and honest about his feelings and if anything were to ever bother him again in the future. It hurt him to see Blaine so upset over what had happened and having to talk about it but Sebastian knew it was better that it was finally out in the open and known. He knew they were stronger because of it.