#it’s not necessarily healthy but it’s so mentally validating thank you……

[stillthesunkenstars]

seeing brax self harming depicted by ppl other than me is so affirming….

[ciaossu-imagines]

Hi

I'm new here but I've read almost all your mm prompts and head canons and i reallllly loved the way you described the characters. That's why i want to ask you a rather wierd question....

I was wondering how you imagine saeyoung's sex life...like what is sex to him? How important s it to him in a relationship? Will he be fine with an asexual partner?

Almost everyone that writes about him describe him as a person who has a lot of fun with sex but i think he as someone who worked in the dark side of the world for a long time might have seen and understood things that made him repulsive towards sex and the whole sex industry from porn to even nightclubs

I would love to know your opinion on this

Hello there, my lovely anon! I’m so glad you found my blog and thank you so much for reading and enjoying what I write 😊 That’s really sweet of you to say and makes me really happy. Now, I’m answering this less with actual headcanons but just kind of a blanket statement that I’ve made a couple of times and then I’ll share some of my views! I apologize in advance if this wasn’t exactly what you wanted though, and as a note, this definitely isn’t a weird question at all!!

So, plain out and out blanket statement that I will always hammer home – I might write Saeyoung one way. A lot of the writer’s might write him a certain way too, a lot more sexual than you see him being. But that doesn’t mean that you’re wrong in how you view him in any way or that we’re wrong in viewing him as we do. That’s the wonderful thing about the characters, that we can all see and write them however we want, unless the creators tell us specifically not too.

So, if you see Saeyoung as sex-repulsed, that’s a valid interpretation and you should feel free to continue thinking and writing that, even if others write otherwise!

Another blanket statement that I cannot make clear enough – If you are asexual and are wondering if your favourite character would like you and be okay with it, YES. YES, A MILLION YESES. Your favourite character is going to love you and want to be with you no matter what you look like, no matter your sexual orientation or lack thereof, your gender identity or lack thereof, no matter if you have mental health struggles, no matter what really. I will never, ever, EVER tell anyone their favourite character wouldn’t like them; the only time I ever take my personal headcanons about sexual orientations or how important sex or any other big issues regarding the characters is when I  do matchups, when it’s part of my job to do so, so to speak.

So yeah, Saeyoung will be okay with an asexual partner because my writing is meant to make people feel happy, not to make them feel excluded or like their favourite character wouldn’t be cool with who they are.

Also going along with that, I do think asexuality or being sex repulsed is not necessarily caused by trauma, in the majority of cases actually. And just as a reminder, from someone who hasn’t been a virgin since I was seven, trauma related to sex can actually lead to just the opposite, hyper-sexuality where a person starts to heavily tie their self-worth into sex.

Now, we’ll get into my opinion around Saeyoung and his views on sex. I don’t actually think he has a lot of trauma tied around sex itself, but I do think his religious views really do impact his views on sex. I think that he does believe in waiting for marriage to have sex, whenever at all possible, or at least a firm commitment towards marriage, so he does have some surprisingly traditional views on sex.

To him, in my opinion, sex is a way to not only connect with his lover and feel closer to them, but he gets a lot of his physical affection through sex, and it helps how touch-starved and affection-starved he really is as a person. It’s not quite healthy, I’m not going to lie, but I do think that he does rely on sex for just that feeling of connection and love from someone else in a physical sense.

On top of that, in bonus stories from the same, we do see Saeyoung get very flirty, touchy, and seductive in a very playful way, which really is where a lot of the fandom, including me, does get the impression that sexually speaking, once his sex life with his partner does begin, he is someone who brings a lot of fun to sex, who isn’t afraid to instigate, and who does find the fun in the experience.

That being said, I do want to point out that I actually heavily agree with you in that Saeyoung has a pretty low view of nightclubs, they’re not something he would enjoy in any sort of way, but I think that’s less to do with anything sexual. I do think his mother was a drunk, that Saeyoung has very poor attitudes towards alcohol. The pure amount of people getting absolutely piss-ass drunk at a nightclub? It’s not going to be something he can deal with, and the situation would make him exceptionally anxious and unable to deal well.

[orangepeelshortbreadcookies]

So I'm seeing quite a bit of seething outrage in the tag and maybe I'm just adding fuel to the fire here but... the Netflix adaption was pretty good? It's not perfect, the modern storyline in the first two episodes are quite bad in parts (thanks a lot, Auggie 🙄). Some of the dialogue is also weird and clunky in the first two episodes. But it really, genuinely picks up the pace afterward. First and foremost, the visuals are beautiful. I like how the show expanded on the characters in modern times, adore the friendship between the Oxford Five, and I'm in delulu about Jin's and Will's ending (something something ships in the night 😭). Even Auggie has her moments in later episodes, and I find myself pretty satisfied with the end of her arc. The transition from page to screen is mostly effective, and I appreciate that they can just let the visual storytelling do the talking instead of just a lot of declarative statements for character introduction in the books, that could (at least to me) get tedious at times.

I find it to be one of the adaptions where the changes make sense. The diverse cast makes sense. The book takes place in China but it's a story about humanity. Plus you already have your all-Chinese adaptation (a few times as well). Widening the geographic scope to get a new perspective on the story is a pretty valid reason for an adaption. Plus, transnational adaptions happen All. The. Time. Taking shows and movies from other countries and putting your own national take on it is a pretty popular practice. China definitely does it.

The Netflix show has these intimate, quiet moments that are very compelling, and the besutiful music helps further highlight that. On the other hand, I can see where the white-washing argument from some of y'all came from. While I don't necessarily agree with it, I think it's a reductive and just not very accurate description for this show in particular, there are however certain scenes that I would dub Joseph Campbell-infected, which seems more fair and specific to me.

Something that's more baffling to me is the disagreement over Ye Wenjie's portrayal in the show. That she's a bitter, mental old lady in comparison to her counterpart in the book. Did we read the same book??? What did I miss? How was she not a bitter, mental old lady in the book? It's the whole point of her character. That she was a deeply lonely, traumatised woman whose repressed anger and resentment were indistinguishable with intellectualism and who mistook her cynicism for objectivity. Of course she was mental. She was in the midst of a silent breakdown, for otherwise an emotionally functional person would not have made the choice she did and DOOMED THE ENTIRE HUMANRACE TO EXTINCTION. Also her confession to Shi Qiang in the book? Where she believed that the Trisolaran would save humanity based solely on the fact that they are more technologically advanced? That was bonkers. She echoed the sentiment of many real people from her generation, people of invaded countries who look upon the historical colonialism fondly or as a desired solution, because the system in power has failed them. I know actual people like that in my life. They are my loved ones, and they enforce such beliefs on their children, us, like how Wenjie condemned her belief upon the rest of humanity. It's a complex, thorny legacy to carry, and it is insane that we have to carry it. Wenjie is a genius, she's a grieving, empathetic woman who could not access her emotions in a healthy way because she was fucked over in 100 different directions, AND she is an old, bitter, intergalactic war criminal whose mental state is definitely in jeorpady. She is all these things, and both the actresses in the Netflix show did a phenomenal job of portraying every facet of her character.

[lavender-town-radio]

Hey, Laplace. You said something a while ago that I'm still thinking about. In a response to an ask, you said that masking feels like roleplaying and not like "multiple people". Could you go on? And while you're at it, define masking for us, would you?

Thank you in advance.

-Psy

Masking is just. Putting on a specific affection (usually to mask symptoms that are "inappropriate") for a situation. Like if you're around homophobic family maybe you avoid your queer mannerisms. If you're autistic and in public where stimming would be "disruptive" you mask by not doing it. I'm not really the best person to define masking. To be honest with you. But any "role" you take on to avoid something disruptive or unsafe in a situation? That's masking.

I'm going to describe my experience with masking. I'm plural, and this will not necessarily be true for all plurals, or even match up with what singlets experience. But for me, it's like roleplaying a dnd character. I have like. A bunch of fake shit set up for each mask so that I'm playing a realistic role - I have different opinions and mannerisms sometimes, but it's all by choice and made up. It doesn't feel like being multiple people, it feels like playing dnd as a character. I'm in control of it. My headmates experience the same when masking as our "singletsona" who is "me", since I'm the... I don't like using host, honestly? For us, host just means "person whose life it is", and this is my life. My headmates are all here to help me with the things I need in my life. They're accessibility tools for me, in a way. So they pretend to be the fake mask I made up, because its not any of us, its just a role we play. They never pretend to be like.... me, the actual person. I don't pretend to be them. The masks are all seperate, fake entities that we wear sometimes.

Sometimes I know that members of systems mask as other members - this is, to my understanding, more common with traumagenic & disordered systems - often, those two go hand in hand. This is also usually for safety reasons - when systems are covert, they can't afford to be out and known, especially if they're still in bad situations. So often, even with systems, headmates who mask as each other are still playing a role.

There are reasons other than plurality that can make masking feel like multiple people - however, depersonalization and derealization have crossover with plurality, and so can delusions, and honestly so can hallucinations from schizophrenia! None of these issues are completely seperate because they effect similar parts of the brain. I think that if masking feels like multiple people, then there is probably something going on, and exploring that being plurality maybe isn't bad, even if you're wrong. ESPECIALLY if you end up being wrong. It's okay to wonder and try things out. You aren't like.... hurting anyone by exploring the possibility.

There are also ways of becoming plural if you want to - daemonism especially is very popular. So are soulbonds. Daemonism is creating a mental construct, most often an animal, to interact with. Soulbonds are making a mental connection, most often a sort of telephone line, with a fictional character. The way this manifests is usually the thing where people talk about "characters writing themselves". Not everyone believes in these sorts of connections - it gets into the realm of spirituality for most, honestly. But people have been creating thoughtforms for centuries, you can find mention of them in most cultures.

The whole "tulpa" thing too - I'm not here to debate tulpamancy, but the western version of tulpamancy based on the Buddhist practice is heavily practiced. That's just a fact. Tulpas are just another type of thoughtform. What you call them is ultimately not important, most of the time.

Chosen plurality is a valid, healthy coping mechanism. There are even published psychological techniques based around it. The family system or whatever... breaking your brain and reactions down into parts, or something? I haven't really researched it. My plurality and spiritual practice are a circle, and most of my research focuses on that aspect.

I cannot answer what it feels like for disordered systems to mask. I'm not disordered. Maybe one of the other plurals I know of who are out on the site can answer that part for you if they feel comfortable? This is not an invitation to go ask anyone that - just putting the option for them to reply to this post.

[piease-iove-me]

all. of. them

hiiii thank you 🥺🥺

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

mmmm absolutely that one jibaro inspired thing i write this September? i love that baby so much :')

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

yes!!! it's something i started years ago and then dropped. but always think about:') it's got mercenaries and familiars and a whole gang of idiots stuck in one place :')

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

omg absolutely those who mention lines from the chapters OR even better when people go on and on about plot points and characters 🥺 just make me smile so incredibly wide

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

omg idk?? i honestly always scream about it to someone/everything when I'm in trouble 🥹🥹🥹

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

mmmm everything???? mostly I'm just afraid it's not good enough but isn't that just how it is to post and put something of yours out there

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

oh uh... answer to both would be me, in all honesty:') my brain mostly

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

oh god that's a tough one. wishfully i can say it's nice enough to pass general approval????

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

wordy. it's wordy. but ever-evolving

🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)

i don't really know how to???

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

idk depends? lately I'd say the writing itself and characters rather than the plot

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

mmm as i said, my first dd which got lots of support 🥹

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

mmm omg mind blank. maybe all in some kinds? but not necessarily in a bad way

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

yes😓 there's this heavily dd fic I'm writing with a friend's help that's such a challenging thing to write. i actually had to take a break from it because it often took me in a bad place mentally and i really can't do that rn

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

omg... i can't find anything good to say about them. they're so old all i wanna do is orphan it😭

🍭why did you start writing?

for funsies? just to see if i could pull it off, still trying to understand if i can, actually but it's fun

💎why is writing important to you?

oh ig because it became a way to escape everything? and to throw in all that's going onb

📡why is writing and sharing your writing important for fandom?

oh god idk? don't think it is djhdhd

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

a whole snoozing week 🥹

🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?

oh uh idk? doubt any is good enough for that but if i had to pick one maybe that one jibaro inspired fic? I'm particularly fond of that one

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

oh i guess i feel lighter? as in it's my own way to get rid of everything going on in my mind so good therapy

💋when you leave comments on a fic, do you want to hear back from the writer?

yes!! but i do understand when it doesn't happen. no big deal

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

oh god... i know it's important to create a following and it's great to have amazing support from the fandom but sometimes it adds up and turns into pressure for expectations so awful for anxiety. i think there's the need to find balance but I'm personally still struggling with that. so what i can do is take occasional breaks from everything as self-care

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

oh uh actually nothing? i just shrug it away. it's okay

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

_ “As long as she does her job, I don’t need us to like each other.” And his eyes drift to Scott, staring back at him already.

Theo holds his gaze—taking in the disappointment turned discomfort—and then lets himself stand.

“You’re gonna be a team, Mr. Raeken,” he hears, but is already turning around from the table. “You will want them to like you out there.” _

[soubiapologist]

anyway seimei can't succeed in his plans because of nisei. the whole "soulmates" thing, it's like...... who is seimei's ideal type of person? someone who is, essentially, a victim. someone who is isolated and self isolates and is easy to take advantage of and manipulate. nisei talks big shit but he's more ineffectual at things than seimei, he's in a constant failure state BECAUSE he is so beholden to seimei, he can't do anything for himself. honestly i think nisei's ideal type of person is, for all intents and purposes, seimei; someone powerful that he can abdicate responsibility to. nisei to me is clearly a person with a low self esteem and a lot of self loathing, i think we've all met this kind of person who has been mistreated in various ways and over time they've come to think of themselves as like. a sicko. a weirdo. someone unfixable and only loveable for their negative traits because that's all they can see in themselves and they become really invested in this narrative they've built of themselves as this like. disgusting person. a weirdo. if you will. your prototypical edgelord taken to the logical extreme fueled by mental illness to the point where they believe they are so unworthy of love that they glom on to like. the first person who will validate this world view because they're insecure and are desperate for that validation. honestly i don't believe nisei and soubi to be very different characters, the difference is mostly that soubi is at least TRYING to unpack all that and trying to take responsibility whereas nisei is trying to abdicate responsibility to seimei. when mimuro talks about the mask nisei wears and him wanting someone he can "be himself with" i think he's talking about something different than anything we see directly depicted of nisei, he's not talking about the violent tendencies, he's not talking about the Normal College Student facade, he's talking about the insecure mess that's desperate for validation and willing to give up all individuality to just be accepted. i do think nisei has violent tendencies/impulses but i think they're due to some form of mental illness or trauma reaction or possibly just intrusive thoughts that he's deeply internalized and i think he is ashamed of that and that drives him to isolate himself from other people because of it, and he wants someone to understand, and, unfortunately, the person he finds who understands doesn't want to help him process those feelings in a healthy way, it's someone who wants to take advantage of him and them, and nisei is fine with this because again, he wants to abdicate responsibility for things that were, from what we know, up to the point he met seimei, just thoughts. i almost wonder if nisei has ocd because of the way ocd can give you these vile repulsive thoughts that make you hate yourself and speaking from experience you do not necessarily realize where those thoughts are coming from or that they are just thoughts-- the delusions that come from ocd feel VERY very real and i've seen people REALLY internalize these things. ocd is also frequently the result of trauma, and while we don't really know nisei's backstory beyond a handful of things, it wouldn't surprise me if he had something pretty..... series typical, but that's pure speculation at this point.

anyway, my original point being that seimei's success depends on having a fighter who doesn't suck at everything, but since seimei's ideal person is the type of person who can't do anything without him and is thus like. fucking incompetent, seimei's plans, whatever they may be, are doomed to failure because seimei is the type of person who takes advantage of others THANK YOUUUU for coming to my ted talk

[bluebaric]

just finished what i (for some reason) thought was the last chapter of all your blood and was temporarily gutted thinking that was how it ended… turns out that was not the last chapter but i am still gutted! big props to your writing man!!! i love lottienat but i have a hard time finding fics that feel true to their actual characters, so naturally when i found this i spent the entire night speed reading it. id love to know more about your mindset when writing them, their motivations in both happiness and the wide range of sadness between both of them and stuff like that. again big compliments to you!

ah dude thank you so much! i'm really glad u like it. and of course i can tell you about my mindset! i'm so glad you asked! (putting self aggrandizing explanations beneath the cut)

honestly, i struggle with these girls a lot. I'm a real stickler on characterization—my general philosophy on fanfic is that fic is really a sort argument one is making about the text that one is writing fic for: that argument being, under these circumstances, these characters would think/feel/act this way, and you need to have evidence from the original text to back up the thoughts/feelings/actions you put in your writing. I know, that sounds like an insane and not fun way to write! But i like it :) having canonical validation of my writing choices makes brain go burr :)

so the real issue i run up against in yj fic is that i'm writing abt a scenario in which they were never in the plane crash, and the plane crash is so vital to who these characters are and how they act in canon that i can really only pull from like, the pilot and flashbacks for the basis to my characterization. lottie esp is very difficult, because we have essentially no idea what she was like pre-crash and fully medicated. so on one hand that's fun, i get to have my own little ideas :D on the other hand it's rough, bc need everything to seem canonical and perfect >:(

in any case! the characterization i settled upon!

i feel like one of natalie's primary character traits is that she thinks she's inherently a bad person incapable of achieving anything worthwhile in her life or experiencing any happiness that will not inevitably be ripped from her grasp or held against her in someway—poor baby, she's traumatized :( so she has a hard time connecting with people, because she trusts no one and hates herself. she wants to be loved like everyone else does, but she constantly gets in her own way without necessarily even knowing why. she has no healthy frame of reference for what love is supposed to look like, so she feels like she's bound to fuck it up eventually if she ever does accept love from someone. and on some level she does not think she deserves to be happy or loved, because of how inherently bad a person she is. GOD that's depressing. also she has no impulse control, perhaps due to the insatiable void of repressed longing within her.

lottie, on the other hand, is so openly and ardently desperate to give and receive love. she's been lonely for so much of her life and she really isn't ashamed of the fact that she wants to be connected with other people (unlike some natalies i could name...). she's deeply empathetic, very charismatic, honestly great at the whole human connection deal. her largest hang up is her mental health, which she feels is the main thing that keeps her from being able to love and be loved the way she's always wanted. she hides her struggles and performs normalcy in order to gain access to the friendship and love she thinks she will be denied if she were to be entirely honest about who she is. her parents were really the biggest factor in instilling that mindset into her. fuck those guys.

so how does that create the dynamic that plays out between them? lottie ends up making a lot of the first moves, not because natalie doesn't feel just as strongly about their relationship, but because natalie is scared and lottie is frankly a bit impatient. she sees through nat's bs, loves her anyway, and wants to get this fucking show on the road. natalie does not know how to deal with being cared for so strongly, so honestly. it's never happened before, she was pretty sure it was impossible. lottie's love sort of destablizes nat's personal perspective, leading to a very tumultuous emotional state wherein to accept being loved is much, much harder and scarier than to insist upon being hated. oof.

lottie, for her part, admires how nat refuses to change herself for other people—not that natalie doesn't care what other people think. she absolutely cares about and internalizes what other people think of her. but she keeps going anyway, doesn't make any attempt to appease those who disapprove. lottie, as a person who keeps a lot inside in order to be liked by other people, sees in natalie the possibility of being yourself—a self that the world doesn't particularly care for—and being good, being loved anyway. if lottie can love nat, and nat can love lottie, then lottie can love herself. it's like a lil math problem or smthn.

idk man, it's so complicated. there's so much i could say—we haven't even mentioned the side characters, nor did i break down the exact moments in canon i use to validate all my writing choices! i think it would perhaps be slightly unhinged for me to do that! i spend a lot of time thinking about this stuff. i guess it's worth it if it's leading to a fic that people enjoy lol?

anyway, if you made it this far into my self indulgent rant, you deserve a cookie. hopefully this is what you wanted, anon? thanks for the ask, i clearly had some stuff i needed to spill out onto the keyboard. and thanks again for reading my lil fic! hope you're having a good one :D

[tiredsystem-r-us]

Hey, I wasn’t sure if I should send this ask, so feel free to delete and all, but as someone who’s been there, I think you should NOT try to become friends with the people you described, or at least not the way you’re doing it now. You mentioned

- Liking/reblogging a lot of their posts (but didn’t mention anything about them doing the same)

- being a passionate fan of their fics

- paying to get access to their discord

- paying to get them to write the fic you want

All of these are good things individually, but they create a power dynamic that friends don't have. To them you are a fan and a paying customer (and maybe even an important source of income, I don’t know their situation). To you, they are idols and content providers. It’s not impossible to hit it off and develop a true friendship later on, but as it is, your relationship is already very very unbalanced and not at all like friendship.

Again, not saying this to be offensive or try to tell you what to do, just, the same happened to me with someone I thought I could build a friendship with and it turned out they only saw me as a fan and my behavior eventually made them feel uncomfortable and we fell out of touch. Hope the same doesn’t happen to you.🤞

👀👀

My irl friend I was talking to about it the other day noted this too, so I should probably maybe totally take this all into more thought. /gen /serious

I’m a very socially awkward person so I struggle to make friends and I know with other like, mental health aspects and whatnot I probably don’t interpret things exactly like most people do or would 😅

I haven’t really pursued anything I noted about in that post I’d made the other night (regarding paying them for various things) and likely won’t, but either way, seriously, I thank you for the concern, I do really appreciate it <3

And as a side note, they do reblog things I reblog sometimes too (usually that I initially reblogged from them, and we’ve had mini convos in the tags of those) but I also know in general my blog is a mish mash of a lot of different things, of which most things probably don’t fit in with their blogs either, for one thing. But like, even with that, it’s probably most definitely a very unbalanced type of relationship, if anything exists at all even currently (since I sincerely doubt there’s any type of actual relationship right now beyond the ‘oh yah, they’re definitely a fan’ type) 😅

So yah, thanks for sending this, I really appreciate it, as much as it also feels odd to be interested in becoming friends with people that others around me when I talk about it are concerned about it (for very valid reasons). So like, I’m aware of all of this and so I’m having a bit of a ‘mind knows one thing and heart still wants another’ type of thing, y’know? So it’s definitely conflicting and confusing for me, as someone who isn’t very in touch with their own emotions and working on that and just generally being kinder to myself and letting myself feel emotions (like I kind of want to grieve this vaguely right now I think? And it’s weird because I know realistically emotions don’t necessarily always make sense and it’s ok to feel whatever it is you feel, and yet I’m not used to applying that to myself, and being gentle with myself and my own emotions; I think it’s maybe just an aspect somewhat of how deeply lonely I’ve been lately irl bleeding into other parts of my life and leaving me extra sensitive to longing(?) things even if I know it’s probably not very healthy or whatnot)

Also, it (your ask) doesn’t come across as offensive or problematic or anything, either, by the way, so don’t worry about that :)

Again, thank you, anon, I do really appreciate it :)

- Nyren (xe/xim)

[yrbutchgf]

hey, i'm feeling a bit insecure in my identity rn and i was wondering if you have any... tips, or anything like that. i'm a lesbian who feels more comfortable in a masc role, and i think i would identify as butch... but i feel like i'm too emotional. i cry SO often. my mental health has been less than stellar for the last 10 years or so lol, so that plays a part, but i'm also just a crier. things that make me cry: criticism, heated discussions, presentations, movie/game/book endings, all music with violins, some music without violins, christmas commercials, those miniature food clay charms... literally everything. and it's always in public too, which is embarrassing enough as it is. and i know that doesn't have to mean anything for my gender identity, but the whole "boys/men don't cry" thing kind of did a number on me lol. i always feel like a little girl when others watch me cry, even though i want to be the protector. sorry for rambling, but i feel like you always have good takes on butchness and stuff like that, so i was wondering if you have any tips on feeling more secure in my butch/masc side :)

ok before i say anything else, thank you, i’m honestly really flattered you think that highly of my takes lol <3 i do try my best, i’m glad i’m able to help people to whatever extent i do with my posts. also, bit of a length warning -- i always set out with the intention of writing succinct responses to asks, but it always gets away from me, and this time "getting away from me" meant "turning into a manifesto." well, oops. c'est la butch/femme.

now to start this answer off: i definitely relate. i’m also pretty emotional. when i get stressed i get really shaky, especially in my hands, and then after that my body turns on the waterworks. i also have a fairly exuberant personality in general, and i'm very expressive with my hands & body language. the only times i’ve ever really fit the stoic archetype have been on accident, usually when i’ve felt uncomfortable in a social situation and it’s come off as strong silence. at the same time, i also don’t like when people see me cry or be emotional in general, especially in public. it makes me feel vulnerable in a way that i don’t like to give most people, and the fact that i can’t fully control when or if i do is uncomfortable. and i think disliking that feeling is totally normal, or at the very least it’s a common boundary to have. regardless of sexuality, gender, or presentation, there’s a social urge to cover up when we’re feeling our feelings, but even beyond that there is, i think, a reflexive, self-preservation level urge to cover up what can be easily damaged. so to an extent, i think it’s natural to shy away from vulnerability.

at the same time, the urge to push down one’s tears is not necessarily a HEALTHY urge, only a COMMON one, because you’re right: emotionality has no bearing on your gender or what roles you can take up. some of my best butch and masc friends are also extremely emotional people, and they’re very open about it, and in a lot of ways that openness almost feels to me more masculine or more butch, because they’re embracing their feelings, and that’s obviously a really hard thing to learn to do, so it’s powerful, admirable, and also to be honest, it’s attractive! the ability of someone to be brave enough to be vulnerable can in many situations make the people around them feel more at ease, and i think it can become a very steady, very stabilizing sort of masculinity. in other words, someone who is very comfortable in their tears is also very good and healing to be around. so i think in a lot of ways, when you learn to own your emotions rather than push them away, that can very easily augment your butchness rather than take away from it.

now obviously everyone views butch/femme differently, whether as genders/sexuality labels/dynamics/what have you, but for me no matter what at the center of these terms there is always this nexus, this core focus, of care. in the dynamic, butch/femme is about butches & femmes caring for one another in complementary ways both in- and out-side of romantic relationships. so when we talk about butchness standalone, you and many other people reach for words like “protector,” and i don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with that, i think protection can and often is a key role, but my point here is, where is that urge to protect coming from? it’s from love, from caring about the people you love. and i think it’s important to remember that and to frame it that way, because when you do, it becomes pretty simple: your emotionalism is more than anything a sign of that urge to care/protect/provide in you, or a driving force to those urges, however you want to frame it. far from taking away from your butchness, your emotions are at the very foundation of what it can be. i talked about this in the butch/femme server a bit, and thren @lesbiandaemon said it perfectly:

i genuinely think i (and many others!) would feel so much safety and security being w someone who allows themself to be vulnerable and earnest abt their emotions and it definitely augments butchness, from my perspective as a femme. i envy and care deeply for the butch whose emotions and vulnerability are on display, there's a strength in that imo, even if you've been made to feel self conscious and dysphoric and "less than" bc of that. i think of phrases like "the strength to remain tender", "the violence it took to be this gentle" in the lens of trauma but if that applies and you're ok w it, i think it could also apply here too [...]

whether ppl know it or not, sometimes the way one carries themselves can be projected onto others; there's already an example in how anon mentions the "big boys/men don't cry" thing, vulnerability being shut out and dismissed/disparaged isn't going to make anyone more eager/open abt their emotions. and like, going back to the butch/femme dynamic, it does feel so much more stable and steady if someone has the courage to acknowledge and let themselves feel their emotions, it's very welcoming and validating, knowing that someone can have a strong image and show their tenderness, knowing that you're safe and free from mockery/scorn to do the same when someone protective of you knows how it feels and will care for you because they feel touched to their core and have let you know in more than one way.

and i want to add an important caveat here: obviously not everyone who cares very deeply is going to be outwardly emotional or show it in the same ways. that’s true for all kinds of reasons. i think a lot of the stoicism we see in traditional depictions of butches can come from how people relate emotions to masculinity (that is to say, how people view masculinity as inherently based around a distance from one’s “softer” side), but also, honestly, i think this may also have roots in the historical coping mechanisms that a lot of butches took on in the face of a world that was unkind to them.

in stone butch blues, for example, there’s a lot of talk about this idea of “hard” versus “soft,” or “going stone,” especially when jess is first getting into the bar scene and she’s still fresh-faced to violence. and going stone in this context isn’t just about sexuality, it's also about how so many butches learned to stop letting people in even at a basic emotional level. for them, hardening up was an inevitability of circumstance, not an inherent facet of their personality or a building block of butch identity. i’m sure plenty of old-school butches would be glad to know it’s no longer inevitable or necessary for a butch to close themselves off completely in order to survive.

of course there are also plenty of butches who are just naturally reserved with their emotions, and that’s also fine -- that doesn’t mean they don’t feel things, or that they don’t care. they care -- all of us do! some of us showing it more or less than others doesn’t reflect badly on any of us, whether we’re of a more stoic or a more open variety. but some of us really can’t help showing it, and that’s okay. that’s just how the love spills out. the right person won’t see that as weakness or a crack in the fine china of your masculinity or whatever, they’ll see it as a lovely and endearing part of your whole and warming butchness. so embrace your emotions. do your best to honor the role they play in butch/femmeness. try to love your emotions, or at the very least not to be afraid of them. and remember: you are strong. your tenderness will not destroy you. in fact, it’s what built you to begin with.

[fireemblems24]

Post Grondor Field AM Analysis

I'm prefacing this by saying that I'm still not sure I can write a good analysis of this scene for two reasons:

1. I don't know what comes after, and

2. I'm very emotionally involved in what happened.

But I tried my best. One thing is for sure though, what happened in Grondor in AM was an incredibly significant turning point for AM and Dimitri and my thoughts and analysis on it will definitely expand as I keep writing about and playing the game.

Part of me is just so happy I got to see Dimitri's supports, have the inevitable turn around, and get to do things like tea and dinner time again that it's hard to be objective about this scene.

And by "this scene," I don't mean that actual fight at Grondor, but everything from Fleche's attack to Byleth's words in the rain later.

It wasn't all about Byleth . . .

Given how poignant Dimitri's character arc has been so far, I had a deep rooted fear player-pandering would ruin it. Byleth, as a concept, isn't bad, but too often the heaps of praise feel underserved and other things (like Claude's intelligence, Edelgard's relationships with everyone else) get ignored to make more room for player-pandering.

Thankfully this did not happen. Byleth, throughout the early chapters of AM's part 2, failed to reach Dimitri. And, honestly, seeing Byleth actually struggle for once has done wonders for how I view her character. Still, I worried that player-pandering-power, rather than something that felt earned, would cause the inevitable eye-opener for Dimitri.

But it wasn't just Byleth. Fleche's vengeance kicked everything off, what veered Dimitri away from his fate in other routes. He accepted his death at her hands, not bothering to defend himself. Rodrigue stepping in the way and his parting words forced Dimitri to confront things he'd ignored. Throughout AM so far, people have posed questions to Dimitri who refused to answer them because he didn't want to face what they asked. But Rodrigue dying for him, spending his final words telling Dimitri to live for himself - combined with Fleche's attack - forced Dimitri to confront things he avoided. It wasn't until after all of that when Byleth steps in.

And Byleth didn't "fix" him either. Dimitri's supports show a young man who's still very much struggling with his mental health, poor self-image, his previous actions, and wondering if he deserves not only to live for himself - but if he even deserves to live. Byleth didn't hand-wave Dimitri's problems away.

Everything about the scene is stronger because it didn't fall back on player-pandering, but more earned, realistic, and dramatic actions and consequences - including Byleth's involvement which felt far more earned than usual because of prior failure.

But I wish Dimitri's friends played a bigger role.

Not everything was perfect though. I wish we got a little more than we did from Dimitri's house mates - especially his childhood friends Sylvain, Ingrid, and extra special mention to Felix and especially, especially Dedue.

Throughout all of AM, none of the above mentioned characters feel utilized to their full potential. This isn't a problem exclusive to AM, and by all means it's far from the biggest offender, but given how close all the ties are in AM, it's felt when it's not there.

I still don't know what exactly I would've done with them. Maybe I'd need to make the game an actual novel to do it, and you can't forget how perma-death has historically held back games at times, limiting major moments to a select few "retreat" candidates.

Still, though, getting a bit more from Ingrid, Sylvain, Felix, and Dedue would've made the scene even more powerful.

I actually really liked the scene in the rain.

I haven't made it a secret that I dislike Byleth. Or maybe disliked is more accurate. Lately I've been rethinking my stance on Byleth, in part because I've heard from people who like her or found ways to make her work and from my own thinking about the game while planning future write ups.

I don't think it's Byleth I really dislike, but the player-pandering. Separating the two isn't easy, but it's easier since I've starting coming around to seeing Byleth as her own character.

There's been a few moments that made me care for Byleth, and this scene in the rain was one of them. Because she didn't just fix everything. She tried and failed for months to reason with Dimitri, and despite everything she never gave up on him or failed to keep offering her hand.

I'm not going to lie. I got all the bubbly, heartwarming, heartbreaking feels the writers wanted me to in this scene. Seeing Byleth reach for something and fail, and then finally, finally get through was rewarding in a way many of Byleth's prior accomplishments aren't because this one felt earned. And by God did she earn it.

Some people will likely disagree with that last point, but I disagree with them. She asked Dimitri hard-hitting questions, forcing him to come to unpleasant conclusions rather than trying to force him into anything. She kept Dimitri from veering to far off course, even at expense to herself when she killed Randolph. She saved Dimitri from Fleche when he refused to save himself. She quietly supported him, coaxing out the good she knew was still there and refused to give up on.

I'd never in a million years say someone in real life should put up with Dimitri's toxic behavior and verbal abuse, even considering his extreme trauma and aggravated mental illness. But seeing someone fuck up so badly still get forgiven, still get supported, still struggle but honestly change for the good, still get loved, start to accept and forgive himself through the power of love and forgiveness from others is very powerful, especially since media so often downplays those "softer" things as weakness in comparison to the "badassery" of ambition and stoicism. Using Byleth, who previously had little experience with feelings, who was encouraged to experience them in healthy ways by Dimitri, return the favor isn't really the worst choice.

It's cliche, but cliches aren't always bad.

The mentor dies. Redemption in the rain. Revenge against the protagonist's actions opens their eyes. Etc . . . This scene was chuck full of cliches, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Tropes serve an important narrative purpose because a writer can rely on them to convey a message to the audience that either saves time or sets them up for something unexpected or even expected. Fire Emblem has always and will always be incredibly cliche and full of tropes. It loves tropes so much there's in-universe ones that make some unit or character discussions sound like a foreign language to people outside of or new to the fandom, talking about "Ests" and calling someone a "Camus."

What matters is if a story pulled something off well, not if it's terribly unique. A mentor dying is powerful because it forces the student to grow. Redemption in the rain is high symbolic of water washing things away + the somber atmosphere rain creates. Someone trying to get revenge against a character provides an eye-opening experience about the ripple effect of their actions. We see these things in fiction all the time because they work.

All the tropes worked like expected in this scene. Using images instead of cut scenes did make less of an impact, but more on that later.

Tl;dr: There's nothing unexpected or terribly unique about what happened. It was honestly painfully predictable, but that doesn't make it bad and is in a series that does this all of the time.

The voice acting carried because those images can't.

A major downside to this scene is that it used vague images instead of a cut scene. I get that budget and time were likely concerns, but many cut scenes from earlier in the game seem rather trivial. Did we really need that dance one? Really? I don't think so.

This was a hugely important, action heavy moment. Using one or two still images to convey everything that's happening and all those emotions, really makes it less than it could've been.

That said, the voice acting saves it. I've raved about how amazing Chris Hackeny is as Dimitri, so nothing new here. Rodrigue's and Fleche's VAs also did a fantastic job. No one oversold or undersold the emotions. Even without the cut scene, you felt what happened thanks to the skill of the actors. This scene would've been so much harder to engage with without them, if this was an older FE game where all you got was text. This is 100% one of the moments highly elevated by the decision to have a fully voiced game and choosing high caliber talent (let's not talk about Radiant Dawn's voice acting).

Questionable support timing.

One issue I had came right after the scene when I viewed Dimitri's supports. The nature of some - like his with Raphael and Alois - didn't quite line up with the character I saw in dialogue right after. I wish they staggered them a bit more or got picker about what you could get in part 1 or 2.

This isn't limited to Dimitri either. In the same support batch, I also got a Marianne B support where she still had no confidence or self-worth. And then like 10 minutes later I talk to her in the monastery and she mentions about how seeing all the death in Grondor made her value her life even more.

In the past, I've also received entirely valid opinions that Dorothea in part 2 is hard to understand because she's cherry and flirty in her supports, and morose and hates the war in her monastery stuff, making her seem inconsistent.

It's a bit jarring. It's not really an issue for characters who don't change much like Edelgard or Raphael, but even for characters with more subtle differences than Dimitri, Marianne, and Dorothea - like, say, Lorenz - you get a lot of weird stuff because of supports. I just think Dimitri's stands out because he's a main character with a really prominent, important turning point for his growth.

[agent-cupcake]

Can I ask your opinion? So, I feel like everyone into 3H is in love with Dimitri, but I can't connect with him. I don't dislike him, but I feel like there isn't much to his personality without all his various mental health issues. It's hard to get a feel on what he's really like, so I end up just seeing him as a walking ball of trauma and not a three-dimensional character. Do you have any thoughts on Dimitri himself and how to separate him as a person from his psychological issues? Thanks!

Hmm, I guess my first thought is that everyone resonates with characters differently and so if you don’t particularly feel connected to him, that’s not wrong. Fictional parasocial relationships are very similar to real-life relationships, so it follows that nobody is going to like every character. I can’t say that a portion of my love for his character doesn’t come from his mental issues because that’s something I personally relate to and feel drawn to in others. That’s just who I am and how I build relationships. There is also something to be said for the unavoidable way mental illness informs a person’s behavior and character, it’s as much an aspect of them as being born with blond hair or losing an eye.

That said, I will do my best to explain why I think Dimitri is wonderful. Not in spite of his mental illness, but because I don’t think that’s all he is.

So, Dimitri is, as he says, a very clumsy person. This unfortunately extends to his social skills. He has a lot of very socially awkward tendencies and a general lack of self-awareness. This contrasts with his innate desire to please people, or at least avoid upsetting anyone. The thing is, Dimitri doesn’t always completely understand what upsets people or how exactly they might feel. His childhood isolation left him rather emotionally unaware and desperate for the acceptance and approval of others. That’s not to say he doesn’t try to understand other people’s feelings, but it’s not an intuitive process. He has a habit of saying kind of dumb or uncomfortable things out of nowhere, which is most likely his real feelings coming out in rather inept ways. He means well, but he’s just so dang clumsy.

The desperation to be included and validated I mentioned, I think, can be seen in the way he tries so hard to make the other Blue Lions see him as a peer and equal all the while keeping himself rather closed off from them. Dimitri approaches conversations as a means of focusing on the other person, trying to make an appeal to them rather than as an interaction where both parties could be seen as vulnerable. Of course, just like most other socially awkward introverts, he opens up when he feels closer to the person, but that takes a while. Gotta unlock the supports, you know? Although it’s not necessarily obvious, his incredibly stiff behavior (especially pre-timeskip) and the way he switches between overly formal and awkwardly friendly in his interactions with people as he tries to figure out how to socially and emotionally navigate relationships really gives me the impression of someone trying desperately to fit in without even the faintest clue of how to actually manage that. He also does his best to avoid social situations, which, mood. Basically, Dimitri’s a big dumb massive introvert trying to act like he’s not.

FURTHERMORE, he is a dork. An absolute goof of a person. Dimitri canonically thinks so-bad-its-good puns and jokes are hilarious. His own style of telling jokes is saying things that may or may not have contextual humor in a normal voice and then claiming after the fact that he intended it as such. Now, his supports with Alois are absolute factual proof of the so-bad-its-good humor, but might I also direct your attention to the scene before the battle against Miklan in Conand Tower (the event name is “Tower in a Storm (Blue Lions)”). Basically, Gilbert is explaining the history behind Conand Tower and Dimitri says, in an incredibly earnest voice, “You’re very well informed, Gilbert. Please, tell us more.” This is a joke. Supposed to be, at least. The delivery is somewhat emphasized, but not in a recognizably sarcastic way. Gilbert, who knew Dimitri very well when he was young, realizes it’s a joke after a second. But there are other things Dimitri says that I believe are his bad “jokes” and since nobody knows him well enough to tell, they don’t call him on it. There’s no proof, but his line in the Lord’s intro where he says, “And here I thought you were acting as a decoy for the sake of us all.” to Claude has to be an attempt at sarcasm. Dimitri is oblivious, but not stupid. In his Goddess Tower conversation with Byleth, when discussing the topic of wishes, he says, “Perhaps it would make more sense for me to wish that we’ll be together forever. What do you think?” In a completely normal voice. Following are two speech bubbles of “...” before he laughs and proclaims that it’s just a joke and that he’s getting better at telling them. Now, this is a two-parter because I see this as both his horribly awkward tendency to say things he feels without thinking too hard beforehand as well as his silly deadpan style of “jokes”. Granted, he does apologize. Dimitri’s got socially awkward zoomer humor. It’s endearing.

Here is a video of Dimitri hitting on Byleth pre-timeskip. I’m not sure how far it goes to endear someone to him, but the mostly awkward and occasionally smooth attempts of Dimitri’s flirtations are absolutely a highlight of his character. 

Now, this isn’t quite as cute as all that, but I think character arc and change do a lot for making a character feel more three-dimensional. Dimitri is hypocritically selfish. Although those are both negative terms, I don’t necessarily mean them as such, at least not in their totality. Both are things to overcome, which he does. And that’s why I feel like they’re a valid point of discussion when trying to explain the allure of his character.

The hypocritical part comes from the way he easily allows and forgives the flaws of others while constantly castigating himself for the same reasons. He says things that show an absurd amount of a lack of self-awareness. For example, he tells Edelgard, “Hm. You will prove a lacking ruler yourself if you look for deceit behind every word and fail to trust those whom you rely on.” All the while straight-up lying to and emotionally avoiding his friends. Dimitri also tells Marianne, when she is punishing herself for putting other people at risk, “What matters is that they came back safely in the end. You shouldn’t blame yourself for that.” Really, his C and B with Marianne is an exercise in hypocrisy. The standards Dimitri has for himself are incredibly, unattainably high. He’s setting himself up for failure in that way and, to an extent, knows what he’s doing because he knows that those same standards are too much for his friends and allies to meet. He wishes to take on everything himself. But, what I find so beautiful about this, is that Dimitri eventually realizes that he can’t do that. He is not strong enough to take on the weight of the world on himself, he comes to understand that it’s something he must allow himself to share with the people who care about him. He comes to realize that, as difficult as it is to accept, he is a weak person. Despite all of his introversion and inability to emotionally open up, he figures out that having a support system and allowing yourself to rely on people who love you is a necessity. Personally, I think this message is incredibly important in real life. Watching Dimitri come to that conclusion and argue it’s importance really rounded out his arc and journey as a person. Now, the relatability of this conclusion will differ, but I don’t think it has to do with his mental illness as much as it is a fundamental aspect of growth.

The selfishness is basically outlined above. Dimitri is selfish about his pain and secrets, purposefully and selfishly driving people away because he wants to keep the burden to himself. His vice is guilt and he indulges in the pain of it like an addiction. Hatred, too, is a drug. He thinks he needs it to keep going, even though all it does is bring agony to himself and others around him. Learning to accept and let go of these feelings is, again, something I think is important and a character arc that I really love, especially when you see him suffer as much as he does. Now, the execution of this is lacking, I admit. But that’s an issue for another time I think.

I am not quite sure if I did much to change your opinion, but this is all I can think of for now. There is probably a lot more than I’ve left out because I think about Dimitri far too much to be healthy. So, I’ll leave you off with some honorable mention aspects of his character that I think are super fun:

Pre-timeskip Dimitri has his hair tucked behind his ear. He can lift a wagon by himself. In the DLC, when faced with an impossible-to-open gate, it was not muscle man Balthus who said he couldn’t open it, but twinkish teen Dimitri. He’s not really smooth with one-liners. Like, at all. Notably, when attacking Manuela post-timeskip, he says, “Perhaps I should have appeared before you holding a bouquet of flowers, rather than the weapon that will end your life.” Adding to this, at one point, Dimitri fucked up a pick-up line so badly the girl came after him. Areadbhar has a mitten on it in the Azure Moon final picture. He breaks everything. His Crest activation ability even supports this, using twice the durability of any given Combat Art. One of his post-timeskip counselor messages is, “I lived in the slums for a long time, and I saw how the people there suffered from poverty and the ravages of war. There must be something I can do to save them." His room in the academy is right next to Sylvain’s, meaning that for almost an entire year Dimitri was a single wall away from hearing whatever nonsense Sylvain was getting up to. Dimitri is the only Lord that takes the throne and doesn’t abandon his people in some form or another.

And, finally, he is pretty sexy. And that’s all that really matters, isn’t it?

[meetmeatthecoda]

Okay so, I wanted to offer my two cents on that ask about Liz’s reaction in Luther Braxton: Conclusion. This is NOT meant as an attack on anyone—I find it 100% valid that the OG nonny (and anyone who related to them, including you dear Coda 💖💖💖) feels the way they do; they can’t control how they reacted to Liz any more than I can control how I reacted to that ask. Plus like, this is all fiction so no harm done? I purely wish to share my perspective, not ~present a counterargument~ or anything like that. :) Apologies in advance for how long this got. 😅😅😅

I get why you would react negatively to Liz’s screaming at Red, but I feel like?? That incident of all the times she’s treated him unjustly was (one of?) the most reasonable. Now, how she continues to act afterwards (regarding the Fulcrum but also, like, for the rest of the show welp) is 100% a continued bad decision in so many ways on her part and reflects terribly on her character, but her reaction in the immediate aftermath?? IDK, I feel the need to kind of defend her, probably because I absoluuuutely saw myself in her when she did that. I’ve (I shamefully admit) yelled, shoved, and even kicked at loved ones when they just wanted to comfort me but their attempts made me feel cornered and small. I’ve made logically unbased and ethically/emotionally unfair accusations against people who’ve done nothing but try to help me when I just needed something to get them away (literally or otherwise). When I just needed to attack something—take out my frustrations and confusion and fear and anger on someone. (And if Liz was like that, she might have latched onto Red as her target because he was the closest thing—physically, emotionally, and even in relation to the cause of that confusion and anger itself.) I have inflicted real harm on people while in an unsettling or unfamiliar mental state—harm that I couldn’t take back even when I could look back with a clear(er) mind and realize I never should have said/done any of that.

(Also, side note: when I first watched that ep and I saw Liz screaming at Red not to touch her?? I’d actually thought they were depicting her as being touch-averse due to the trauma and/or overstimulation, and I was?!! Like, call me badly coping but I appreciate seeing characters not being comfortable or straight-up being aggressive about being touched, even for just a moment, because that is me 24/7. Then of course a few more seconds and it turns out it’s not actually that?? Liz is just repulsed by Red’s Bad Guyness again apparently?? Whenever I rewatch the ep I still choose to see it as overstimulation though because, well… my heart is clearly very talented at choosing comfort characters for me. 🥲🥲🥲)

So speaking from personal experience, coming out of a trauma (or revisiting an unresolved one) is so stressful that it’s only natural to react explosively—even to the extent of unfairness and unreasonableness—in an attempt to protect or heal yourself, whether that attempt be justified or not. And honestly, I could even make the argument that for Liz, her attempt was to some extent justified. Of course Red would never hurt her, but sometimes a person needs breathing space. Like, literally needs. Maybe for the sake of her mental stability/health, Liz should have had her first moments coming up from her trance to herself. Does that make sense?? IDK if I made any sense there; I just know that while I never could have gotten to the place I’m at now without the EVENTUAL professional and personal support I’ve been blessed with, I also can’t fathom how much more mental anguish I would have experienced if I’d had people who knew me (or like, the “closest person” in Liz’s case) see me in the immediate aftermath of my trauma. Just… The state I was in? Yikes, am I glad only I saw myself pull myself together; I’d have had so much more to worry about with others seeing me like that. That might just be me and totally inapplicable to Liz of course, so I digress!

I’m not saying Liz isn’t responsible for her words/actions simply because they happened while she was in utter emotional upheaval and under mental and physical duress—Red definitely did NOT deserve that treatment from her. He did NOTHING WRONG. But with that kind of complex angst comes the inevitably mixed but nonetheless potent reactions of fans, I completely understand that. Everyone has different experiences and thus different viewpoints, and that’s fine and totally healthy in my book. Still, something about that discussion struck a chord with me—you can (and should) hold someone accountable for the harm they do while mentally unstable, but it’s possible and also healthy to do that without, yourself, harboring anger or resentment against them, you know? I had to teach myself (and those around me) that, so I guess I just wanted to put it out there. Again, I don’t mean to start anything and I’m so, so sorry if I inadvertently have. I hope it’s okay that I came here to explain my thoughts (and so wordily too, ack I’m sorry), and if not, I won’t anymore. Thank you for hearing me out this time though, I really appreciate it. :)

Dear anon!! 🤗🥰❤️ Firstly, I want to thank you for your kindness & respect for other's opinions!! This ask was worded in the sweetest, most considerate way & I appreciate it very much!! There's absolutely no need to apologize for having your own opinion & perspective, especially when you share & explain it so nicely, so never fear!! 😊❤️ Moving on to the meat of your ask - which is in regards to this previous one - you make such a good point!! When you look at it that way, the Luther Braxton Post-Memory-Unearthing Screaming Explosion is perhaps Liz's most justifiable negative reaction in the series LOL I guess looking back from where we are now - knowing all about & being completely fed up with all of Liz's awful writing & characterization in the subsequent seasons - it's easy to dismiss her reaction in Luther Braxton as something unreasonable & irritating & unfair to Red (which, to some extent - as you graciously allow - it is). But - as you generously point out - while that's a valid way of looking at it, it's also definitely worth examining from another point of view!! And I think your point of view (in everything ofc, but particularly in this) is so valuable!! I can relate at least on some level... I have definitely snapped at people, even those trying to help me, verbally & otherwise, when I lost my temper & just needed some space!! In fact, I think that's a pretty universal stress reaction & it's not necessarily something to be super ashamed of (but definitely something to be aware of & work on - a good reminder for us all!!) & it's definitely not a stretch to imagine Liz was going through something similar after being effectively water-boarded & having her memories so unceremoniously rifled through!! And, after all, Liz has one thing we generally don't... a perfect, convenient, willing catalyst for all the negative things in her life: Red (however undeserving of that title he may be.)

(And re: sidenote of touch-averse!Liz - Omg, I definitely thought about that being their angle at first too!! While I don't usually default to reacting that way myself [kind of the opposite for me usually LOL] I know that plenty of people do & it's 1000% valid as a coping mechanism & honestly??? A touch-averse Liz would be one of the more realistic reactions she's ever had 😂😭 especially considering the circumstances!! And hey, no shame about gravitating towards that interpretation bc it's 1) less painful for you & 2) you like comfort characters bc you 👏 do 👏 you 👏 but also?? I can't say anything bc the reason that I like that interpretation??? I love the angst of an overwhelmed & touch-averse!Liz unintentionally shattering Red's heart by completely rejecting his well-meaning physical comfort anddddd I'm not sure what that says about me tbh 😂😂😂)

Long story short, anon, you made perfect sense here, not to worry!! You were so respectful & cognizant of others' feelings, thank you so much for that, it doesn't go unnoticed!! You bring such a good point to the discussion with your perspective & outlook & I'm so thankful you chose to contribute!! I loved reading your thoughts & don't worry at all about the length, I appreciate your thoroughness!! (Plus, we all know I'm hardly one to talk, I never use one word when twenty will do 😂) Please don't hesitate to come back to my inbox any time to discuss whatever you like, I always love a little bit of friendly TBL conversation, especially since the show as we know it is so abruptly & unexpectedly over 😭 Yes, still grappling with that, in case you were wondering 🥲 Anyway, thank you again for your lovely ask, anon, I appreciate you greatly, & much, much love to you, of course, my friend!! ❤️

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Peace! It's nice to meet you, fellow mbti person! I'm so glad to have stumbled upon an ISTJ who is into typology! I have a request. I typed Elsa from Frozen in a post (I'll tag you) and I argued that she is not an ISTJ. I wanted to know what you thought, particularly if I made any mistakes in understanding the ISTJ personality type. Thank you so much in advance! I hope it's not too much of a bother. I'm an INTP btw.

Hi,

I want to start out with the following: for anyone reading, do not make a habit of having me analyze your posts about fictional characters. I am happy to help you type yourself, or answer questions about MBTI. However, in case it was not clear from the fact that I have only typed fictional characters in response to direct questions, that my answers have typically been very brief, and that I’ve repeatedly directed people to blogs that specifically focus on character typing, I’m not really interested. I should note: I had fun because I love picking up my metaphorical red pen and writing “wrong” over every other sentence, but it did also take me like an hour and a half and it’s over 3 pages long, and I don’t have time to do that regularly.

With all that said, the post had sufficient issues with both basic logical argument structure (I would very strongly recommend you revisit that INTP typing of yourself and look at something with high Fe instead) as well as understanding of MBTI that, because you asked directly, I will go through said issues. I want to make it very clear: this is going to be harsh. For both that and for the length I’m putting it below a read-more such that if you were looking for a brief thumbs up or down and not for extensive criticism, you are welcome to ignore it, block me, or whatever is best for you.

Basic argument structure: you open repeatedly with the most subjective arguments - that she gives off Fi and Ni vibes and you don’t see the Si in her. This will convince no one but yourself.

This argument is also mostly focused on “other people think this, but I don’t” which I find is only useful in a process of elimination argument. We’ll get to the final typing eventually but it is generally stronger to argue in favor of what you believe and then address potential disagreement rather than the reverse; by the time you get to ISFP I’ve read so many incorrect assumptions and subjective asides that I’ve long since stopped valuing the analysis of the work.

Issues with the ISTJ argument

(note: I have, and continue to type Elsa as an ISTJ so this will be the longest section in that I’m both pointing out flaws and arguing in favor of ISTJ; the rest will be solely focused on MBTI misconceptions or logical fallacy).

While it’s true people often mistake trauma for Si, this argument seems to equate trauma with being stuck in the past (people can just be stuck in the past without trauma for whatever other reason - it’s not healthy but it does not necessarily indicate literal trauma). There is also a false opposition here: It’s absolutely valid to argue that Elsa is traumatized, but that does not preclude her having Si, merely removes one argument in favor of Si.

You define Si (gathering concrete details to understand what to expect) but don’t actually argue why Elsa doesn’t do this. I’d argue, in opposition to the statement later in this paragraph, that she does. She is aware from the past that her abilities can harm her sister. She is aware from her past that when she avoided Anna, Anna was safe. She hasn’t been happy with the “conceal don’t feel” line, but it has achieved her goals and her expectation is that she’ll hurt someone if she stops following it.

If you’re referring to an Si-Fi loop (wallowing in self-pity), it doesn’t use Te since that’s how loops work. You don’t explicitly say this is in the context of looping although you introduce looping in the second sentence, but if you are referring to a loop this is incorrect. It’s true that ISTJs are often likely to use Si (preference for familiar/existing structures) and an Fi understanding of morality to direct their energies when they wish to change something (ie, they will change things through existing channels) but the focus on speaking out about injustice here is much more in line with enneagram 1 - a very common enneatype for ISTJs and an enneatype that’s rare for any non-TJ types, but not the enneatype I’d give Elsa nor an inherent ISTJ trait itself.

The part about self-discipline is mixed - a lot of ISTJs are very disciplined in certain areas (particularly professional/familial) but can neglect the self (not getting enough exercise/not eating well, not addressing burnout or more emotional issues) and I’d argue again, Elsa shows this: she’s not addressing the fact that she’s lonely and miserable, but she’s highly disciplined with regards to concealing her abilities and avoiding Anna even though it’s the very thing making her lonely and miserable.

I don’t necessarily think Let It Go is indicative of an Ne grip, but one can make changes outside of a grip, so this isn’t a useful argument, as it argues why an Ne grip is wrong, not why ISTJ is wrong - I would merely argue she’s not gripping at that time. Which is a general issue here: the argument you provide in this paragraph isn’t arguing against ISTJ, it’s arguing against other people’s arguments for ISTJ, which is an important distinction.

The final paragraph of the ISTJ section has numerous issues: ISTJs are not rebellious. They are not as resistant to change as stereotypes indicate, but even a healthier version of ISTJ Elsa would be unlikely to rebel and rather try to understand her parents’ argument, research other options, or look for a way to gain control over her powers while still working within the normal hierarchy. I addressed self-discipline (I should add: I don’t think a child/young woman having difficulty controlling magical powers with no training is an argument against self-discipline; my argument for self-discipline is that she stays in her room and away from her sister despite clearly hating it). It is also, to be blunt, mind-boggling that you (correctly) argue that trauma responses are not inherently Si but then refer to obsessive-compulsive behaviors as Si when that’s also a medical disorder completely divorced from the MBTI framework. Finally, her continuing to follow an order from her parents after they die is first, quite literally the definition of self-discipline (she’s the queen; no one else is going to discipline her for it, after all) and second, entirely in line with Si (this is what she has always done and it’s not great but it works) and is, arguably, if not medically obsessive-compulsive, an obsessive need to follow a compulsion. To be clear: this isn’t healthy ISTJ behavior, but since you’ve acknowledged grips and loops here I think an unhealthy interpretation of the type is very much on the table. You say her behavior is more in line with F types; it’s not and you don’t explain why.

If I may it seems as though, much in line with the argument here being against other arguments but ultimately not debunking the typing, your arguments against MBTI stereotypes focus on what’s incorrect but they tend to merely swing the pendulum to the opposite side (eg, that ISTJs are likely to rebel, in opposition to the stereotype that they’d mindlessly follow orders) rather than find the more nuanced middle ground of how people of a type or with a certain function behave.

Issues with the INFJ and INFP sections:

Ne users can and frequently do go out into the world; simply because Ne can be engaged without external physical stimulation doesn’t mean it never is. I’m also not really a fan of reading being classified as a strictly introverted pursuit; that’s falling into a pretty significant stereotype trap. Going out and exploring is a thing anyone can do but if anything I’d either associate that more strongly with high sensing (either Si or Se) or with extroversion. 

My biggest issue here is the implication that searching for a meaning for existence or a purpose is in itself an indicator of Ni. This is just the human condition. If you’re going to argue that Si users are driven to rebel against injustice I don’t see how you can miss that that might in turn be driven by a belief that this is their purpose. Perhaps Si-Ne users aren’t as invested in having a single purpose, but wondering why you are on this earth and what it is you are here to do is just being a person, and to be blunter than I have been, I am struggling to understand how there has been so much effort made earlier to push away from stereotypes to the point of overcompensation in the opposite direction and then when it comes to the idea that only Ni users have a desire for meaning in life you just accept it without question.

Issues with the ISFP section:

At this point I’ve probably covered most of them though I’d like to point out that I don’t think there was an argument ever made explicitly for introversion; while the structure of the earlier arguments and focus on debunking was, as stated, flawed, I would at least round it out by eliminating ESFP as an option.

The argument here rests heavily on Let it Go, which is interesting because most of the terrible arguments for Elsa being an intuitive also rested squarely on that same brief if admittedly pivotal section of a full movie; in attempting to differentiate itself from those arguments it has in fact replicated the most significant flaws. Anyway, I’ve addressed that I don’t personally think Let it Go being indicative of a grip is how I’d argue for ISTJ, so that becomes invalid; I’ve tried to focus more on issues with logic MBTI than the contents of the movie but I’d add that “she was happy” is open to interpretation and her emotional state was probably fairly complicated. Relieved, sure, but she’s still ultimately isolated. (Also while mentally singing Let it Go, I realized that here’s that rebellion you were asking for in the ISTJ section).

You also outright say that when Elsa tries to reassert control it’s through Te. Yeah. That’s what a high Te user does. An ISTJ in a grip would indeed use Ne, but in quite literally any other circumstance (looping or just existing as an ISTJ not in a grip or loop) would reassert control via Te, so again, your argument does not sufficiently eliminate that Elsa is an ISTJ, just that she’s not a gripping ISTJ, which I’d agree with. 

“She acts out when she is stressed and makes bad decisions” is also the human condition (and why I’ve frequently on my blog argued very strongly against typing via stress behaviors, because in the end most people...act out and make bad decisions when stressed), so this isn’t useful as an argument for anything.

In conclusion: multiple misconceptions about Ni and Si; no argument that I could find presented for high Fi, just Fi in general; inconsistency regarding whether or not Elsa rebels, and an overall reliance not on making a new argument but on arguing why other arguments were wrong. Given the title of the post you asked me to analyze I have to (admittedly this is extremely cynical of me) wonder if there was an underlying goal to come up with a typing that was different from commonly accepted arguments, rather than to simply type for its own sake. 

[andiphillipsdotcom]

Reframing the Mask

Post has been edited for correction and the addition of a link.

It was not my intention to write another autistic blog, but yaknow, sometimes a topic just gets stuck in your head, especially when that topic is hard-wired into your head. So, today, I want to talk about Masking.

Now, in case you don’t know, “masking” in this context refers to a coping strategy in which an autistic person acts in a neurotypical fashion, in order to blend in better into neurotypical society. This can include stimming in more “acceptable” fashions, or suppressing stims altogether, mirroring people in conversation, and many other strategies.

(If this is a topic you would like to learn more about, may I suggest this YouTube video by autistic content creator, Yo Samdy Sam: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9COmZ2HwXY)

While masking can be helpful to survive in a neurotypical world, it is also exhausting, because you have to put in that extra work in order to maintain and keep on the mask. Also, and this goes especially for autistic folx who are diagnosed or who self-discover late in life, masking can become so second-nature and ingrained, that it leads to an identity crisis.

Questions like, “But who am I without the mask,” or “without this mask, would anyone really like me,” can cause havoc on your mental health.

As for me, I was diagnosed very recently. In fact, this month is the one-year anniversary of my diagnosis. And while I, and everyone around me knew something was “different” about me, I spent my whole life not knowing what that was.

And yet, in spite of that, I have a distinct memory tattooed into my soul of writing a poem in middle school called, “The Masks,” and how I felt I had to wear masks in order to just live, and how hard that was for me. (I have no idea where that poem went. I would love to read it again, but alas it is lost to time.) So, way before I was diagnosed, back before I had any kind of meaningful understanding about autism, I understood masking and I hated it.

So, it is a little strange that I am going to be speaking in defense of Masking today.

Now, I want to make it clear, if you are autistic, and you do not mask, or you don’t feel the need to mask, that is entirely valid. Hell, I would love to live in a world in which masking isn’t required. In fact, I think that part of neurodiverse activism should include working to build a world in which everyone can live without feeling the need to mask.

With all that being said, I am not advocating for the use of full on masks, per se. However, I think it is important to remember that “masking” is actually not a practice that is necessarily unique to the autistic community. Now, don’t get me wrong, masking in a neurotypical fashion is unique to us, but consider for a moment the concept of “code switching.”

Code Switching is a practice in which individuals will change their behaviors and demeanors depending on varying situations. For example many people will act very differently depending on if they are interacting with a friend vs. their boss. This is the sort of thing most people - read neurotypical people - do so often and intuitively, that they may not even realize that they are doing it.

Meanwhile, for autistic people, these rules are not hardwired in our brains the way they seem to be for neurotypical people, and so we have to work extra hard, in order to switch codes, often over-compensating, which leads to masking.

But code-switching is still a necessary social tool. I mean you don’t want to act the same way around your boss as you would your friend. Not only could that put your employment at risk, but it could also get pretty awkward.

Plus, as an autistic person you still have to survive in a neurotypical world.

So, what is an autistic person to do?

Well, something that has helped me personally is reframing how I view masking. First, I don’t think of it as “Masking.” Like, who wants to mask? No thank you. I don’t want to be anyone other than myself.

Instead, I think of my version of “Masking” as “Filtering.”

I have a filter for work, a filter for activist spaces, and a filter for the cashier at the grocery store. These filters help me still be myself, but in a way that fits into whatever situation I am in.

Another reason I use the filter method is because I have a tendency of oversharing, which is another autistic trait. Seriously, if left unfiltered I can share some pretty personal stuff without thinking, or possibly hurt someone’s feelings with how blunt I can be. So using filters, basically taking the time to think through what I am going to say, how I am going to say it, or how I am going to act, helps me maintain healthy boundaries and healthy relationships.

And of course, I also make sure to find folx I don’t have to filter around, such as my family, close friends, and other autistics, so I can give the filter a break from time to time. And when I give the filter a break, I can give myself a break.

I hope this reframing aids other autistic folx. Masking can be incredibly stressful and harmful if you feel like you have to do it all the time, and it can also eat away at your self-identity and self-worth. But, unfortunately - at least in my experience - is still necessary to survive in a neurotypical world. But by thinking of your “mask” as a “filter” instead,  will hopefully allow you to be more of yourself.  

After all, a Mask covers up the real you entirely, while a filter - well, filters - what is already there. With a filter, you are still able to be yourself, even if they are different “filtered” versions of yourself.

Original Post on https://www.andiphillips.com/post/reframing-the-mask

[foxymoxynoona]

Kay I didn't clarify but in the light of your recent post here, I feel like I should.

I'm mad at Isabella because of how she treated Jungkook, not necessarily bc she stopped her orgasm (which, yes, i guess is weird to me, but I won't pretend like I can ever empathize with her fully bc i haven't gone through anything like what she has, so yeah.)

But the way her mind works ?? How in the world can one take someone's words (someone who's tried their best to be nothing but canring and understanding for quite a while now) and twist them so much in their head that they sound so negative when they're actually the opposite...

And asking him to leave the room??? Treating the bj situation like it was a joB he expected her to do or smth?? I know i'm paraphrasing but it legit felt like, 'Okay you came, i did my part, why do you bother me now?' - that's just rude imo. Dismissing his efforts and feelings like that.. He's actually TRYING way more than before to TALK to her and understand her and she just.. ???

She just projected the anger she felt toward her own insecurities on him. And that's not fair.

Yeah, that's why I'm mad.

-👀(currently feeling more like: 😑)

I'm glad you said more! I think it's totally worth talking about JK's experience in this, sure! I am actually really happy for you if your mind has never done the mental gymnastics to make something neutral or positive into a negative, I mean that sincerely! I think it's a pretty common trauma response, because you get used to everything being a threat even if it sounds nice --remember she's had two shitty abusive exes by this point, who I'm sure smiled plenty as they said things she took at face value only to be very wrong.

I also don't know about you, but I'm not usually at my best to talk about painful or unsettling emotions when I'm already overwhelmed. I can see why you would find it off-putting she asked him to leave the room, but I think that one's a different in how people process emotion. Some people want someone close for comfort, others want to be able to retreat.

Is is specifically when she accused him of bullying her that you're talking about? Because she said that right after she admitted something that made her feel very vulnerable "You got me really close really fast and it kind of freaked me out because I’m not used to that. I told you the truth, I don’t orgasm a lot." You'll see this pattern a lot with her. A beautiful but tragic part of Isabella's journey right now is that she does still want that connection, she's still clinging to the hope that things with JK can be different than anything she's had in the past. But as soon as she takes a step in that direction, experience tries to push her down again, and she reacts.

As for the blowjob, you bet she saw that as transactional! Multiple times in this story she has offered bjs as thank yous, and here she kind of offered it as an apology for disrupting sex. And she hoped that would satisfy him and be the end of it. It's probably not the first time she's tried to settle perceived upset/anger with sex. Instead of "why are you still bothering me?" (which honestly I just don't see), try thinking of it as "what else do you want from me?" It's a nuanced response, because it could sound exasperated but also sad. She let him cum, she did the thing, didn't she? Men just want to cum? Isn't he happy with her now? These are the rules she learned sex by.

Also, just to equalize a little, JK did snap at her a couple times here. He also pushed her to talk about multiple things after she'd asked him not to push those things right now. She is within her right to say she doesn't want to talk about something traumatic right now and ask him to drop it and they can talk about it later. We know his intentions are good, and totally valid to say maybe they shouldn't have had sex until they had more communication and trust in place! He's in solver mentality, but this isn't something JK can "solve," though creating a loving and secure and safe space for her will definitely help her.

"She just projected the anger she felt toward her own insecurities on him. And that's not fair." This is a good note too, and also a very relatable one for most of us, and believe it or not, as long as it doesn't become habit and take over, it's a sign of growth. Do you know why kids behave more terribly for their moms than anyone? Because it's the first relationship they feel safe to push boundaries and act out in, because they feel that the love is unconditional. If you read the things she says in this chapter through the lens of "there is no one in Isabella's life who has ever truly been there for her except her late father", it gets really sad, really fast. But she is saying actually a lot to JK about her fears and insecurities here. She's setting boundaries and hoping he'll actually respect them. We definitely aren't to a healthy, happy place, but there's a lot of development here beneath the surface! And, just as importantly, JK has learned to recognize her defensive outbursts for what they are. So he doesn't see a woman being cruel to him, he sees a scared child having a tantrum (forgive the analogy of a toddler, but I hope you understand what I mean.) It's not something you want to be a permanent habit, but him not letting that "end his love" immediately... that's starting to look like unconditional love to Isabella.

OK OK this was long sorry! Feel free to send me further thoughts! <3

[neapolitanadonna]

You're literally the only valid Hetalia writer I've ever seen. For the times, can we PLEASE get how the axis (+Prussia and Romano) would act in self quaratine? It's been almost nine weeks for me, and I'm just about losing it. Thank you!!!

Omg pleaaase don’t say I’m the only valid one! I’m certanly not (seeing as though I literally said fuck it and haven’t posted in a year) But thank you so much you make me soft :,) 

Also, I hope nobody takes me writing about the countries experiences in quaratine as insensitive. Italy’s is a little more detailed just because I was there (and had to return home) just as the virus broke out, and most of my family is still over there. We’re all in this together! 

Germany 

He honestly doesn’t hate self quarantine as much as everyone expects him to. He’s done nothing but work his ass off for over two hundred years- a little break isn’t going to do him any harm. 

He leaves his house in Berlin for his cottage in Cochem. For him, it’s the ideal place to spend by himself for a few weeks- not a lot of people, very little noise, just a little house, a big plot of land, and his dogs. It’s healthy for him. 

While he tells himself he’s going to use his time for himself, he’s worried sick. When he heard about the devastation in Italy, he couldn’t sleep for two days worrying about the wellbeing of his friend, and even South Italy, knowing most of his population was elderly. 

So, like a doting father, Germany calls North Italy once a day, every day, until the death toll falls in his region. Don’t judge him, worrying can be theraputic to him. 

North Italy 

He locks himself in his apartment in Milan, and refuses to leave. Even when his brother invites him down to Naples, which is a safer area, he absolutely refuses to leave his apartment. 

Why? He can’t really get all that sick himself- human illnesses don’t effect him. What he can’t stand to see is devistation. You would think after several hundred years of war and loss, all countries would be used to the loss of their people. Noth Italy isn’t. He physcially and mentally can’t bring himself to step outside to see anything. 

He opened the curtains once just to see empty streets, and an empty courtyeard infront of the Duomo. Nothingness and being alone is his biggest fear. 

Though, as the death tolls drop, people start singing out of their apartment windows and he learns more about life coming back to the canals in Venice, he opens up a lot more. He opens the curtains, wakes up in the AM rather than the PM, and plants flowers outside his windowsill. He’s been through enough to know that tragedy doesn’t last forever. 

Japan 

Japan’s been in isolation for over two hundred years of his life- he can take a couple months of sitting inside his house in Otaru and relax for a while. But he doesn’t do this. 

Japan’s natural instinct would be to protect himself, his boss implored that he did and people expected it. However, he stayed at his residence in Tokyo, and went in every day to work with the front line officials to figure out ways to keep kids educated, people fed, and hospitals up and running. 

Japan promised to himself back then that he would no longer close himself off from the rest of the world, and he definitely was not going to close himself off to his people. 

Prussia

He doesn’t even realize that there’s a global pandemic until his brother tells him about it. Prussia’s been alive throughl so much, that he laughs. It’s about time that humanity goes through something like this again. No, he doesn’t think people deserve to suffer, of course he finds it terrible. But for him, it’s been a while since something huge and devistating has brought the entire world together. People were starting to lose their sympathy for others. 

His hardest decision is figuring out where to stay. He resides anywhere where pieces of the Berlin wall are preserved, and he almost decides on The United States, but figured Germany is the best place to stay. 

He shows up to Germany’s house in Cochem a week after Germany establishes there himself. He immidiately drives Germany crazy. Being stuck somewhere reminds him too much of the Berlin Wall days. Needless to say, he isn’t very cooperative at first. 

South Italy 

Much like his brother, South Italy is very weak willed when it comes to tragedy. While it really hit in his brothers parts more, South Italy is still enforced to stay inside all day- not even able to leave the house for a walk down the street. 

He very quickly drives himself insane. He can’t be alone with his head for too long or else he becomes irrationally angry and sensative about things he shouldn’t be. He starts calling his brother first, even if it’s usually the other way around. He calls Spain, hell, he even picks up phone calls from Germany- it’s become nice to hear his “stupid, ugly accent” on the other end. 

I’m not sure if countries can necessarily gain weight, but somehow, in quaratine, he does. All he really has to do is cook, so he breaks out his grandpa’s very, very old cookbook and starts working through that. Most of the recepies are named after girls, which isn’t surprising, really. He somehow manages to become an even better cook at the end of it all.