#it’s not enough to make me over think to make me procrastinate instead of actually doin something abt my predicament

[atlabeth]

pretty boy

pairing: spencer reid x reader

summary: spencer walks in one day with a new look. you handle it pretty well.

a/n: im in the opposite of a writing slump right now (will prob fall into a writing slump right after i say this) probably because im procrastinating on essays for school and i can only write when im meant to be doing work. but tiny little fluffy spencer one shots are very good for the soul right now. i think it's my way of healing from my hotch fic

wc: 1.8k

warning(s): one slightly sexual joke from emily. all fluff

You usually don’t get to the office this early, but you don’t exactly have a choice. The BAU’s last couple cases have all run one after another, barely leaving you any time in the office, and now you’re paying for it. 

You’ve got a mountain of paperwork to get through and not nearly enough time to do it all—if you’re lucky, you’ll be writing reports for a few days straight. If you’re not, you’ll be putting in some overtime.  

“This is the most focused I’ve ever seen you this early,” Derek comments. 

You shake your head with a sigh. “These reports are government mandated torture.” 

He chuckles, and he nods at Emily as she walks over to her desk. “Are you this busy?” 

She shakes her head. “I’ve still got a report to get through, but nothing that bad.” 

“I get it,” you say wryly. “You’re all more organized than me. Just don’t come to me asking to go out tonight—you know I can’t say no.” 

“But don’t shots taste better when you’re supposed to be doing work?” Derek asks, and you roll your eyes with a laugh. 

“Not when I’ve got this much work I’m supposed to be doing.” 

You hear the elevator ding and glance up—Spencer’s walking through and fixing his tie. You look back down at your report as you greet him. 

“Hey, Spence,” you call. “Why’re you late?” 

“I’m not late,” he says, and you can see him checking his watch out of your peripherals. “I’m two minutes and thirty-three seconds early.” 

“Really?” you muse. “I guess I’m just so used to you being here before me.” 

“You can’t judge my timeliness on yours when you’ve been here for an hour already,” Spencer says. 

You frown, tapping your pen against the paper. “How do you know?” 

“You’re settled in already. Your coat’s on your chair, your stack of unfinished files is smaller than it was last time we were in the office, your coffee isn’t steaming, and your mug has a chipped handle—when they were put away last night, that one was set in the front, so you’d have to be here early to get it.” 

“Touche,” you murmur. You’re not sure why you ever ask your team of profilers how they know something. 

“You also look like you don’t want to be here,” he comments. “That’s pretty typical of agents who have to be here before their regular hours.” 

You chuckle and tilt your head in admission. You don’t really want to be here, especially running on so few hours of sleep. 

“Why aren’t you as early as usual?” Emily asks. 

“My neighbor knocked on my door this morning to ask me for something,” Spencer says. “It threw off my whole routine. I picked the wrong tie, I couldn’t pack my bag properly, and I had to toast my bagel for two minutes instead of three and a half to make it out in time.” 

“How terrible,” Derek says with mock austerity. 

“It is terrible!” he exclaims. “It’s scientifically proven that a morning routine makes you happier, more energized, and ready to seize the day—carpe diem.” Spencer sets his bag on the floor next to his desk and looks at everyone else with a smile. “Did you know that phrase was actually coined by the Roman poet Horace in his Odes? It comes from the first book out of four in the eleventh poem—the full phrase in Latin is carpe diem, quam mini—”

“How was your bagel?” Emily asks to interrupt him, and he pauses. 

“It was good,” he says. “Could’ve been toastier.” 

You look up, a teasing remark on the edge of your tongue, but the words die in your throat when you actually see him. 

Spencer’s started combing a hand through his hair to fix it—must have been another part of his affected morning routine—his lips set in a pout as he tries to see his reflection in his dark monitor. He always looks good, even without trying, but now—

“You’re wearing glasses,” you say dumbly. 

“My contacts dried out,” he grumbles, still focused on his hair. “We got home so late last night I forgot to put them in their solution, and I had no time to fix them because my neighbor messed up my whole morning.” 

You nod, still unable to tear your eyes away from him. “Are you gonna keep wearing them?” 

“I don’t know. Contacts are better for cases because I’m not worried about them falling off or fogging up, but I usually sleep on the jet on the way back, and sleeping with contacts in isn’t good.” He smiles a bit as he fully turns to you, seemingly satisfied with his hair. “It reduces the amount of oxygen that gets to your cornea, which damages the cornea’s surface and makes it harder to regenerate new cells. Sleeping with contacts actually makes you six to eight times more likely to get an eye infection.”

You nod again, your brain still not quite working at full power. You always love listening to Spencer’s fact dumps—it gives you a lot of material to impress your non-BAU friends with on the side, and you’re eternally thankful for that—but right now, you seriously cannot focus. 

You’d never really thought about him in glasses, but that’s probably a good thing if this is how it makes you feel. 

You were valedictorian as an undergrad, and you received stellar feedback from your professors during your masters program. You’re an excellent profiler, a valued member of the BAU, and you’re a goddamn FBI agent. 

And yet you can’t find a single thought in your head because your coworker showed up to work wearing glasses. 

He’s still rambling about other common causes of eye infection and how nobody seems to take them as seriously as they should, when Derek, not even trying to hide his grin at your turmoil, speaks up.  

“Reid. Wanna cool it a bit?” 

Spencer’s eyes dart over to him for a moment before he stops. “Uh— sorry.” He frowns as he looks back at you. “Why do you ask? Do you not like them?” 

“No,” you blurt out, and you shake your head a multitude of times. “No. They look great. You look great. They’re—” You dig your nails hard into your palm as you try your hardest to smile like normal, and this time you nod. “They’re good, Spence.” 

“Thanks.” Spencer does that little smile-nod combo of his, and he pushes his glasses back into place with his thumb by the bottom of the frames. “That’s nice to know I’ve got another option.” 

You thank whatever god may be out there that Hotch and Penelope are busy in their offices and JJ is busy with some other case, because you think you would die if anyone else saw you like this. 

“Hey, Reid,” Emily says, also not doing a very good job of hiding her amusement. You hate your team sometimes. “They’re almost out of sugar in the breakroom. If you want coffee the way you like it this morning, you should probably get in there.” 

“What?” Spencer shoots up, his brows already furrowing into a frown. “That— that’s ridiculous. I can’t mess up my morning any more.” 

“You’d better get in there, then,” she remarks. 

“We’re an entire office of agents running on coffee,” Spencer complains as he starts walking. “How are we almost out of sugar?” 

“Because half of ‘em drink it black,” Derek says, and Spencer shakes his head with a sigh as he leaves. 

“That’s ridiculous.” 

You bury your head in your hands the moment he’s gone and Derek laughs. “I wish I could’ve gotten that on video.” 

“Don’t talk to me,” you groan. “It is not fair of him to walk in like that.” 

“And that is why I call him pretty boy.”

“He needs them to see,” Emily says with amusement as she leans against the side of your desk. “You just can’t control yourself.” 

“I need to transfer offices,” you say, shaking your head. “I can’t do this.” 

“You should ask him out!” Derek encourages. “He’d probably say yes.” 

“Absolutely not,” you insist. “I doubt he likes me like that. A— and even if he does, that’s the last thing either of us need right now.” 

“I don’t know,” Emily muses. “It looks like you clearly need something.” 

You let out a frustrated noise as you screw your eyes shut. “I’m doomed.” 

You hear Spencer say your name, and when you look over at him, one hand still pressed against your head, you see he’s got two cups of coffee in his hands. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah,” you say weakly. “I’m great. Why?” 

“I got you one too,” he says, holding one of the mugs out to you. “The one you have is probably cold by now, and it looks like you need an extra kick to get through all those reports.” 

“Thanks, Spence. That’s sweet.” He nods as you take the proffered mug, and you swear your cheeks are as warm as the coffee. He is really testing your strength today. 

“You— you have a lot,” he says, and you huff a dry laugh and nod. “I’m not trying to be sarcastic. I could take half of them if you want?” 

Your grip tightens on the mug and you can feel Derek’s eyes on you. “I couldn’t make you do that, Spence.” 

“You’re not!” Spencer exclaims. “I can get through mine really quickly—we worked together for almost the whole last case so I can do all of that anyways.” 

“...You’re sure it wouldn’t be an imposition?” 

“I’m sure,” he nods. “Besides, I offered. I wouldn’t if I didn’t want to.” 

And god damn him, because he nudges his glasses back into place again, pushes a strand of loose hair back into place. You’re dying over here. 

You set the mug of coffee on your desk and pick up the top half of your pile. “All yours, Spence.” 

He takes the bottom half and smiles at you, and you smile back before he walks back to his desk. You are dying over here. 

“Let me know how I can pay you back,” you say, and he shakes his head. 

“You don’t need to pay me back.” 

“Really?” 

Spencer nods. “I mean, Morgan invited us all out on the jet last night, and I don’t think I can do it alone. If you can get out of the office in time, I don’t have to. I think that's enough of a payback.” 

“Yeah,” you say. “I’ll be there.” 

He smiles again and nods, then he picks up a pen and focuses in. You turn back to your desk, your face burning. 

“What was that about him not liking you like that?” Derek says. 

“Quiet!” you whisper-yell, swatting him with the pile of files in your hand. “He might hear you!” 

“He’s not hearing anything while he’s focused on that,” he says. “That just means you can ogle him more.” 

You groan again, letting your forehead fall into your palm. “I’m pathetic.” 

“I think you’re right.” Emily chuckles as she stands up. “You are doomed.” 

[agaypanic]

To Love a Monster (Emmett Cullen X Human!Reader)

Kinktober Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Request Something! | AO3

Kinktober Day 31: Monsterfucking

Summary: Emmett never thought that he’d fall in love with a human. It’s too dangerous, there’s so many things that could go wrong. But when you look at him with those pleading eyes of yours, how could he ever say no?

A/N: happy halloween!! i know today’s literally the last day of october but i swear ill get the other kinktober fics done and posted. im finally getting medicated so i think that’ll help with my procrastination/lack of inspiration lmao emmett cums inside but reader does NOT get pregnant with a hybrid freak like bella did

C/W: unprotected p in v sex, interspecies relationship (human and vampire), soft dom!emmett, emmett trying to not literally break you, slight pain kink

***

It was so wrong, being with Emmett. It was dangerous, the amount of power he had over you without even trying. He could kill you, drain you dry without a second thought.

But you didn’t care. You loved him, and he loved you. He made sure that was known by telling you a million times a day and by being extremely gentle with you. Sometimes, he treated you like you were glass, which annoyed you every now and then. But when you were with Emmett, who had extreme strength, you might as well be glass.

Sometimes, Emmett was scared to be with you. He didn’t want to hurt you, and he didn’t want to accidentally lose his resolve around you. But when you looked at him, eyes full of want and wandering hands somehow warming his stone-cold body, he could never refuse you.

“God, you feel so good, babe.” Emmett groaned as he stared up at your naked form bouncing on his cock. Although he liked to be in control, he’d occasionally let you take the lead. If he was feeling generous, he’d even let you tie him up like he was now. 

Emmett thrusted up into you, and your hips stuttered. “So big, Emmett.” You sighed, splaying your hands out on his broad chest to keep yourself steady as you kept riding him. “Makes me feel- ah! So full.”

Your boyfriend kept fucking into you, but it wasn’t enough for him. There was only so much he could do without his hands. 

“Wanna touch you.” He complained, tugging at his restraints half-heartedly, knowing they’d snap if he actually used force.

“Where, Em?” You asked teasingly. One of your warm hands left his chilled chest to grope your breast. “Here?” Or…” Slowly, your hand trailed down your stomach, inching closer to where you and Emmett met. Two fingers ghosted your clit, and you clenched around Emmett’s hard cock at the sensation. “Maybe here?”

While you continued riding and teasing yourself, Emmett’s eyes were glued to you. You looked so damn perfect, he wanted to be the one touching you and making you whine the way you were now. 

Sensing he was getting frustrated, you leaned close to Emmett. “Do you wish you could touch me, honey? Fuck me and tease me until I’m creaming all over your cock?” Emmett let out a moan so guttural it sounded like a growl. You smiled, knowing you were about to get what you were really wanting. “Is that what you want, Emmett?”

He answered by ripping the rope that was holding him to shreds, freeing his wrists so he could finally get his hands on you. Emmett grabbed your hips and flipped you so you were the one underneath him before thrusting in and out of you like a jackhammer.

Emmett half expected you to start yowling in pain from the force of his thrusts and his iron grip. But instead, you let out an endless string of moans and locked your legs around his vast body so he wouldn’t get away. 

“So -ah, so fucking, fuck, good!” You were quickly losing your sense, becoming overwhelmed by Emmett stretching your cunt and practically slamming into your cervix. It just hurt so good.

“You’re so tight.” He hissed, fangs coming out in the midst of his heavy lust. “And so wet for me.” He dipped his head down to rest in the crook of your neck. His lips ghosted over your pulse point, your pumping blood spurring him on. Very lightly, Emmett dragged his pointed teeth over your skin. Not enough to make you bleed, but enough to send a shiver down your spine. “And you smell…” He took a deep breath, sighing as he reluctantly pulled away from you and sped up his thrusts. “Fucking delicious.”

Feeling close, you reached down to rub your clit, but your hand was quickly smacked out of the way. Emmett wanted to be the one to make you come. 

He rubbed your clit in a fast circular motion, his other hand holding your hip with enough force to not end up breaking it. You’d likely have a bruise that he would surely baby you over.

It wasn’t long before your orgasm hit, and Emmett grinned down devilishly at you as your eyes rolled back. “That’s right, babe. Cream all over my cock.” 

You did just as he said, orgasm prolonging as Emmett continued his ministrations to reach his own peak. Soon enough, he was painting your walls with his cum, fucking it deeper and deeper into you. As you both came down from your highs, Emmett slowed his thrusts. But he didn’t stop them. Instead, he decided to keep fucking you at a snail’s pace until you were ready to get absolutely wrecked again.

“That was…” You took a deep breath to collect yourself, letting out an airy laugh. “Wow.”

Emmett smirked, leaning down to kiss you deeply. “If you thought that was good, wait until you become a vampire. We wouldn’t leave my room for a week.”

***

Twilight Taglist: @wedfan2 @natashamaximoff-69 @pink-hufflepuff

Emmett Cullen Taglist: @fuckshitslover

[bloomzone]

📕 𝟓𝟎-𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐜𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐜 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞

March 1st ! If you’ve been slacking, if your study habits have been messy, or if finals are creeping up way too fast this is it. I did a 20-day productivity challenge before, but now, with finals staring me down and less than 90 days to go, I need to actually get my flip together.For the next 50 days, I’m locking in. This isn’t about aesthetic study sessions or fake productivity or like those 10s filming study routine 💁🏻‍♀️ . It’s about deep focus, real progress, and making sure you n i walk into finals prepared, not panicked.

before we start! what are the ..

🔴 Things You Need to Avoid

When you’re pushing yourself to study, it’s easy to fall into traps that make the process feel harder than it needs to be. One of the biggest things to avoid is procrastination. It’s tempting to delay tasks and distract yourself with less important things, but the truth is, the longer you wait, the more overwhelming it becomes. Putting things off only builds stress and leaves you with less time to focus on what truly matters.Another major pitfall is burnout. While it might feel like working non-stop is the key to success, the reality is that exhaustion doesn’t lead to productivity. If you push yourself too hard without breaks or balance, you’ll find your focus slipping, and your energy drained. Instead, aim for deep, focused study periods with scheduled rest to recharge. The key is working smart, not just hard.u also NEED to stay away from passive studying. Reading over your notes without actively engaging with the material might feel like you’re making progress, but it’s not enough. True learning happens when you interact with the content whether that’s through active recall, practicing problems, or teaching the concept to someone else. It’s about getting the information out of your head, not just in.And then there’s multitasking, which can be deceiving. You might think that juggling multiple tasks or subjects at once is a sign of productivity, but in reality, it dilutes your focus. Instead, concentrate on one subject at a time and give it your full attention. By focusing deeply, you’ll achieve better results in less time.Finally, avoid over-planning. It’s easy to get stuck in an endless loop of scheduling and rearranging without actually doing the work. While having a plan is crucial, it’s more important to take action. Don’t get paralyzed by perfection; start moving forward, and adapt as you go.

💡 What You Need to Succeed

Success in a challenge like this comes down to preparation, mindset, and consistency. First and foremost, you need to set yourself up for success by organizing everything you need. Having your books, notebooks, and study tools ready at your desk isn’t just about being prepared—it’s a psychological trigger that helps you get into the right mindset. When you see your space ready for work, it subconsciously tells your brain that it’s time to focus.But it’s not just about the materials. Your environment matters. A cluttered space can lead to a cluttered mind, so make sure you have a clean, quiet place to study. This is where you’ll spend most of your time, so make it a space that supports your work rather than distracts you. Even something as simple as proper lighting and a comfortable chair can make a huge difference in your ability to focus.It’s also essential to have the right tools. Flashcards, sticky notes, mind maps, or even physical planners whatever helps you engage with the material actively is what you should have at hand. You don’t need to follow a one-size-fits-all strategy, but it’s about finding what works best for you. What will make the material stick? What will make you more engaged and less likely to zone out?Consistency is key, too. This isn’t a sprint y'all u need to commit to a study schedule that’s manageable and realistic. Establish a routine that you can stick to every day thats what my teachers say everyday whether it’s an hour in the morning or a few hours in the evening. Building consistency will help you develop the discipline needed to push through tough moments, especially when motivation runs low.Finally, don’t forget about your energy. Sleep, food, and overall well-being are the foundation of any successful study routine. Without proper rest, your brain can’t absorb or retain information. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep to let your brain recharge and consolidate what you’ve learned. Likewise, pay attention to your body when you're well-rested and nourished, you’ll feel more alert, focused, and motivated. Let's cb !

📕 𝟓𝟎-𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐜𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐜 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧

( starting March 1 – May 9)

0️⃣1️⃣ Week 1: System Reset & Strategy (March 1-7)

🔹 List everything you need to study before finals.

🔹 Identify weak areas & high-priority topics.

🔹 Create an adaptable study plan (structured but flexible).

🔹 Set non-negotiable study hours per day (📚 2< hours).

🔹 Organize notes & resources so you’re not scrambling later.

🔹 Test different study environments & methods to maximize focus.

0️⃣2️⃣ Week 2: Deep Focus & Active Recall (March 8-14)

🔹 No passive studying (no just reading or highlighting).

🔹 Prioritize active recall (practice papers, Q&A, teaching concepts).

🔹 Use visual memory aids (mind maps, charts, bullet points).

🔹 Track distractions & eliminate what kills your focus.

🔹 Keep a focus log: What breaks your concentration? Fix it.

0️⃣3️⃣ Week 3: Technical Subjects and theory based subjects (March 15-21)

📜 Literature, history , philosophy... and theory-based subjects:

➖ Read critically, summarize, and debate ideas (not just memorize).

➖ Work on structured arguments & analysis for essays.

📈 Math ... problem-solving subjects:

➖ Use timed practice to simulate exam pressure.

➖ Write key formulas & rules on flashcards.

➖ Break down problems into step-by-step solutions.

🔹 Study difficult subjects when your energy is highest.

0️⃣4️⃣ Week 4: Writing & Expression (March 22-28)

🔹 Summarize topics in your own words every day.

🔹 Create one-page cheat sheets for major topics. (for revision nothing else 💁🏻‍♀️)

🔹 Write mock essays & structured answers (practice depth).

🔹 Focus on clarity & argument-building (make your writing strong).

🔹 Challenge: Can you explain this concept in 3 sentences?

0️⃣5️⃣ Week 5: Self-Testing & Performance Check (March 29-April 4)

🔹 Take full practice tests under exam conditions.

🔹 Time yourself: Work on speed & accuracy.

🔹 Identify weak spots and revisit them.

🔹 Grade your own work harshly—improve where needed.

🔹 Find patterns in mistakes and create strategies to fix them.

0️⃣6️⃣ Week 6: Memory & Retention (April 5-11)

🔹 Daily mini-revision of past weeks’ topics (keep everything fresh).

🔹 Use mnemonics, stories, & memory associations.

🔹 Sleep optimization for memory consolidation (good sleep = better recall).

🔹 Try retrieval practice before checking notes.

🔹 Apply concepts in real-life situations (where possible).

0️⃣7️⃣ Week 7: Peak Productivity & Stamina (April 12-18)

🔹 Push study hours (without burnout).

🔹 Use study sprints: 2-3 intense sessions per day.

🔹 Reduce fake productivity (low-value tasks don’t count).

🔹 Prioritize high-impact topics.

🔹 Simulate exam pressure—train yourself to think fast under stress.

0️⃣8️⃣ Week 8: Advanced Questioning & Strategy (April 19-25)

🔹 Study past exam patterns : what do they repeat?

🔹 Learn what examiners actually want in answers.

🔹 Debate answers with yourself or others (argue both sides).

🔹 Find alternative explanations for complex topics.

🔹 Challenge: What’s the hardest question you could get? Be ready.

0️⃣9️⃣ Week 9: Mastery & Confidence (April 26-May 2)

🔹 Final review: Focus only on weak spots.

🔹 80/20 Rule: What 20% of topics will help the most?

🔹 Do “last-minute style” studying—but without panic.

🔹 Take simulated exams with time limits (test performance).

🔹 Train your brain to stay confident under pressure.

🔟 Week 10: Exam-Specific Prep (May 3-May 9)

🔹 Prioritize final polishing, NOT cramming.

🔹 Review summaries, key formulas, & essay structures.

🔹 Optimize sleep & energy (don’t mess this up now).

🔹 Have a "cheat sheet" in your mind for each subject.

🔹 Last 3 days: Light review, no stress, trust your prep.

last tip !

There will be moments when u feel like giving up, when the material seems overwhelming or the effort too much. That’s when your mindset needs to kick in. The difference between success and failure isn’t about natural talent or born smart it’s about your ability to keep going when things get tough I'm talking about the material not burnout out .The truth is, hard work, perseverance, and adaptability are what lead to success not innate ability.Think of each week as a building block, each day as a step forward. Every time you study, you’re not just learning the material you’re evolving. You’re becoming more disciplined, more capable, and more confident. Even on the days when you feel like you’ve made little progress, remind yourself that you’re making small, consistent strides. These small changes compound over time

good luck !

@bloomzone

[heelvng]

EXTRA CREDIT, EXTRA FEELINGS— JAY

┊ academic rivals to lovers · fake dating · fluff with tension

“you didn’t have to defend me in there,” “i wasn’t defending you. i was defending us.”

synopsis

you and jay have been academic rivals since freshman year—always one-upping each other, always toe-to-toe in class debates. but when your psychology professor assigns a semester-long project on relationship dynamics… and pairs you together?

you’re forced to fake date. for extra credit.

you both hate it. until you don’t.

pairing ⟶ jay x female!!reader

genre ⟶ academic rivals au, fake dating, slow burn, fluff w/ tension

word count ⟶ 4.9k

💌 heelvng note : though this took me forever to finish (bc im the biggest procrastinator in the world), my heart is so fuzzy and warm every time i read this. may your heart be just as warm and fuzzy like mines, happy reading everyone !!

—

you started to think professor park had it out for you. there was no way, no actual way, you were going to survive a whole semester of this.

it had been one week since the project started, and already, jay was getting on your last nerve.

“you walk so damn slow,” jay grumbled as he walked beside you down the quad, hands stuffed in his pockets.

you shot him a glare. “then walk ahead of me. no one’s forcing you to stay by my side.”

“oh, but they are, sweetheart,” he smirked.“professors orders. we have to act like a couple, remember? it be weird if I just left you behind.”

you scoffed. “the only weird thing here is you calling me sweetheart. never do it again.”

jay let out a low chuckle, shaking his head. “you’re so fun to bother. this is going to be great.”

“you mean miserable,” you corrected, rolling your eyes.

“Same thing.”

the two of you had to meet up at least three times a week—in public—to convince people you were “dating.” professor park insisted that this wasn’t just a private assignment; your classmates needed to see the relationship progress over time. which meant you had to be seen together, talking, walking, eating—hell, you even had to sit next to each other in lectures now.

“okay, let’s get this over with,” you growled as you reached the campus café.

jay raised an eyebrow. “you say that like I’m not the best fake boyfriend you could’ve gotten.”

You gave him a pointed look. “I would rather date a lizard.”

he put a hand over his chest, mock-offended. “damn. you really know how to flatter a guy, yeah?”

you ignored him, pushing the café door open. as expected, the place was packed with students grabbing their usual coffee fix. you spotted beomgyu in the corner, already watching you with an amused grin. he was way too entertained by all of this.

jay noticed too. “your little fan club is watching,” he murmured. “time to sell it, babe.”

you froze. “enough with the pet names. my stomach can’t handle you saying it.”

“but babe.” his smirk deepened. “gotta make it convincing, right?”

you clenched your jaw so hard it hurt. but before you could curse him out, he did something worse—he threw an arm over your shoulders.

your entire body stiffened. “get. off..”

“nah,” he said casually, steering you toward the counter. “couples don’t stand a foot apart like they hate each other. relax.”

you wanted to strangle him but your peers were m watching, along with a handful of other classmates who had heard about the project.

if you shoved jay off you now, it’d look suspicious.

instead, you plastered on the fakest, most sickeningly sweet smile you could manage and turned to him.

“jay?”

“hm?”

you grabbed his wrist, nails digging into his skin as you pried his arm off your shoulders, he lets out a small yelp from your sharp nails digging into his flesh.

then, you leaned in just enough to keep up appearances—your voice dripping with venom.

“if you touch me again, i will make sure you don’t live to see the end of this semester.”

jay, the absolute menace that he was, just grinned. “damn. threats already? we’ve only been fake-dating for a week, babe.”

you smiled even wider, “it feels like forever!” you sarcastically exclaimed, grabbing his arm and dragging him towards the cafe food.

jay only chuckled, stepping forward to place his order. you could already tell—this project was going to be the death of you.

–

you’re now six weeks into the project and things couldn’t have gotten any worse. he had to dorm with you—and goodness, does he know how to ruin your space.

it was five minutes past seven and you were doing your skincare while he was in the shower. you had on your avocado mask and a fluffy headband holding back your hair.

the shower water shut off, and you paid no mind to a half-naked jay stepping out. it didn’t even cross your mind what it would feel like to drag your finger down his abs. you suppressed those thoughts. they’d only get in the way of the assignment.

“that coconut vanilla shampoo does wonders,” he said, rubbing a towel through his jet black hair.

you shot up immediately. “you used my shampoo?!” your blood was practically boiling.

“yeah? i didn’t take a lot,” he said, motioning to his hair. “i don’t have that much, babe.”

you groaned, falling back against your pillow.

jay walked over to the microwave, where his ramen—well, your ramen now—was supposed to be waiting. he opened the door to find it empty, only the faint scent of broth lingering.

“did you eat my ramen?” he asked, eyes locking on you instantly. a small smirk curled on your lips.

“that was my last ramen!” he dragged out, sighing like the world was ending.

“then you should’ve labeled it, genius.”

“why can’t this assignment just be easy? why do you make it harder than it should be?”

“because i don’t like you, jay. simple as that.”

he went quiet for a beat.

“why don’t you like me? i haven’t done anything wrong to you except be an academic rival. during this whole assignment, i’ve treated you with nothing but care. and i’ve even let you treat me horribly.”

you stared at him. his face full of emotion—serious in a way you weren’t used to. you couldn’t handle it.

your phone vibrated, reminding you to take off your mask. you took that as your escape, walking briskly to the bathroom and shutting the door behind you, leaving jay standing there, confused and alone.

—

a few hours later, jay was strumming his guitar softly. the tune was… calming.

it made your shoulders relax without permission, and you hated that. you turned to face the wall, pretending to scroll through your phone.

he started humming to the melody, and as good as it sounded, it somehow irritated you more.

“can you not play the guitar like you’re in a movie? some of us are trying to ignore our feelings.”

he chuckled under his breath. “you’re the one who ran away, not me.”

“i didn’t run. i just needed a second,” you said, still turned away, your eyes tracing the cracks in the wall like they could give you the words.

“okay. so… what’s really going on?” he set the guitar down and sat up, giving you his full attention.

the room fell silent. the heavy kind. the kind that filled your ears until your heartbeat was the only thing you could hear.

“i always thought you were better than me,” you said finally, your voice low. “you make it look easy. you never have to try. you walk into a room and people pay attention. professors love you. you get everything right—without even breaking a sweat.”

jay looked confused. “is that what you think?”

you turned over to face him. your chest tightened.

“i’ve been killing myself trying to measure up in every class. and then you show up—perfect, smug, smart—and suddenly none of it matters. i feel like i can’t succeed when you’re around.”

his eyes dimmed. like you’d knocked the light right out of him.

“i never meant to make you feel like that,” he said quietly, his thumbs fidgeting in his lap.

you didn’t know how to respond. it wasn’t like jay to be so serious, so in tune. and now that he wasn’t hiding behind his usual grin, you didn’t know where to look.

neither of you spoke after that.

but the silence didn’t feel tight anymore.

it felt softer. like something heavy had finally been placed on the table—and for once,

neither of you were rushing to pick it back up.

you stayed like that, facing each other in the low light.

and maybe that was enough.for now.

—

it’s been nine weeks into the assignment, and after that big confession in the form, you and jay suddenly got closer. the kind of close where people couldn’t tell if the relationship was real or not. the kind of close where even you couldn’t tell if it was real or fake.

“professor park wants to see us—evaluate us super quickly,” you told jay, your head resting on his shoulder as the two of you sat outside, watching the campus.

“when?” he asked, his hand wrapped around your waist, holding you close.

“in the next five minutes. we better get going since we’re a little far from his office.”

you and jay walked into professor park’s office a little out of breath. you were adjusting your sweater as you both took a seat in front of his desk.

professor park looked up, smiling slightly.

“you two have gotten… comfortable.”

you and jay glanced at each other. honestly, he wasn’t wrong. but neither of you said anything—because what was there to say? it had gotten comfortable.

then he leaned back in his chair and added, “there’ve been a few murmurs about your relationship. some of your peers think you’re playing it up too much… that it looks unrealistic.”

your chest tightened. that familiar self-doubt crept back in, sharp and sudden.

“is it unrealistic to care about someone?”

the room stilled.

jay didn’t look at you. his gaze was fixed on professor park, voice calm but firm. “i don’t care what they think. they’re outsiders. we’ve done everything you asked us to—but this? this isn’t just for a grade anymore.”

you glanced at jay from the side, your heart uncertain of what to do in this moment.

professor park studied the two of you—your words, your body language, your silence—before picking up his clipboard and jotting something down.

“you’re dismissed,” he said, still writing.

after you left the office, you were too stunned to speak. jay didn’t say anything either, not until you both stopped just outside the door.

he finally turned to you. “i meant that, by the way.”

“which part?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

“all of it. every last word.”

you let that settle between you. it wasn’t a full confession, but it felt like one. and the scariest part? you didn’t want to run from it.

instead, you said, “you didn’t have to defend me in there.”

“i wasn’t defending you,” jay said, and for a moment your heart dropped—until he added, “i was defending us.”

you stared at him. he stared back. and for the first time since the assignment started, the space between the lines began to fill with something true.

—

the walk back to the dorms was silent, but comfortable. it felt spacious, like there was more to say, but the moment wasn’t asking for it yet.

you and jay didn’t speak—just walked side by side. your fingers brushed once, then again. the third time, he took your hand in his without a word.

it felt easy. it shouldn’t. but it did.

the campus was softer now, less crowded, and the sky was a dusty blue—the kind of blue that suggests something’s about to happen, especially with the breeze picking up.

jay didn’t let go of your hand.

and neither did you.

when you reached the dorm, you both stopped—like stepping inside would shatter whatever this moment was.

“you sure about earlier?” you asked, not looking at him.

“completely.”

you nodded once. barely.

you could feel the weight of his gaze on you. you didn’t look up—until you did.

and when your eyes finally met, the tension returned. it was quiet. full. almost too much. your body moved before your thoughts could catch up. you leaned in, slow—giving him time to move away if he wanted to.

he didn’t.

your lips brushed against his once—hesitant, questioning. and then again, more certain.

it wasn’t a grand kiss. not rushed or greedy. just soft. slow. like a quiet truth exchanged between mouths instead of words.

his hands moved without thinking—one gently at your waist, pulling you in just enough. your hand curled in the fabric of his hoodie, the other resting on his chest where his heartbeat stuttered under your palm.

jay didn’t push. he didn’t exaggerate the moment. he just kissed you like he meant it. like he’d been waiting for this moment to mean something.

when you finally pulled back, it was barely an inch. eyes still locked. the wind moved around you both—a gentle reminder: this just happened.

his forehead rested against yours. noses brushed.

“was that okay?” he asked, voice low.

you nodded. “yes.”

and it was more than okay. it was real. terrifyingly real.

you stayed like that for a moment—hands tangled, hearts too loud. then, quietly, jay opened the door.

but this time, when you stepped inside, it didn’t feel like something was ending.

it felt like something had just begun.

—

it’s been thirteen weeks in the assignment and tomorrow is the exam and you’re currently doing math work from your other professor. your brain is fried from the numbers and letters clashing together on paper and it’s bothering you.

you want to call jay over to help you but every time you think about asking for help you feel less highly capable of doing things by yourself and it takes you back to where you’re confessing your feelings to him.

jay sensed your frustration and creeped over to your side of the room.

“need help?” he offers, his hand resting on your bed frame.

you needed the help but you knew you were highly capable of doing the work. “no jay, i’m fine. thanks,”

jay’s face softened. “don’t shut me out like that, let me help you.”

your pencil stilled. you could hear the sincerity in his voice, quiet and steady.

you stared down at the numbers again, blurry and jumbled on the page like as if they were laughing at you.

“i just—“ your voice cracked. you swallowed hard. “i hate the feeling like i can’t do it when i know i’m capable. i know it’s stupid… but when i ask for help it feels like i’m failing.”

jay didn’t say anything to you. instead he crouched, eye level now.

“asking for help isn’t failure,” he said softly. “you’re one of the most capable people i know. seriously. you don’t have to prove that to anyone, not even me.”

you looked at him surprised by the earnestness in his voice.

“but i always feel like i do,” you admitted. “like if i’m not the best than what am i? and when i see you—it’s like everything just comes easy to you. i feel like i’m constantly catching up.”

jays eyes didn’t move from yours. “you’re not behind me. you’ve never been behind me.”

you blinked, a lump in your throat formed and your eyes daring to spill tears. you hated crying over your own flaws.

“then why does it feel like i’ve been running this whole time?”

jay reached out, taking your pencil from in between your fingers and placing it aside. then he took your hands in his.

“maybe you’ve been running,” he said, “but not because of me. maybe you’ve been running because nobody told you that it’s okay to rest. breathe. and ask for help,”

your hands stiffened in his.

“you don’t have to prove yourself to me,” he continued, voice lower than a whisper now. “you already got my respect. and more.”

you eyes widened.

“more?” you echoed.

he gave a faint, bashful smile. “yeah, more. i think somewhere between all the pretending , it stopped being pretend to me.”

your heart skipped a beat. you knew. you’d known. but hearing it? it shifted somewhere deep in your heart.

“me too.” you said quietly, “i stopped pretending weeks ago.”

the silence that followed was light and comforting.

“so,” he murmured brushing his thumb over your knuckles. “can i help you with the math now?”

you let out a light laugh. “only if you promise not to correct me too smugly,”

he grinned. “deal!”

—

the next day arrived faster than you wanted it to. despite the emotional gravity of the night before, there no time left to process it. not when professor park scheduled your evaluation in-front of the entire class.

you stood outside the lecture hall with jay by your side, heart thudding loudly in your chest. the door was already open. students were chiming in, curious and excited. this was the finale part of the experiment: a verbal demonstration of what the couple had learned.

no scripts. no notes. just honesty.

jay nudged you with his shoulder. “ready?”

you have a small shake to your head. “no. you?”

“not even a little,”

but his smile was reassuring.

when your names were called, the two of you stopped in-front of the door together. your classmates started whispering and you weren’t sure if they were waiting for drama or a love confession or perhaps both.

professor park folded his hands. “you’ve completed thirteen weeks of this

project. today, we ask one simple thing. what have you leaned about each other.”

the room was silent.

jay looked at you, then turned to the class.

“i’ll go first,” he said.

your heart clenched.

“when i started this, i though i’d just annoy her for a few weeks, play the part, and get it over with. but something changed,” his voice was calm but full. “i started paying attention. to how she always pushes herself harder than anyone else. to how she doesn’t ask for help, not because she’s proud, but because she’s afraid of being less than perfect. to how she shows up, again and again, even when she’s tired, even when she’s overwhelmed.”

he paused.

“she’s the smartest person i’ve ever met. not just academically but emotionally. she feels everything deeply and on another level, even when she’s tries to hide it. and along the way i stop pretending to care about her.”

jay looked at you—then really looked at you.

“because i do. i care about her. a lot.”

you swallowed the lump in your throat saving that for another time before you faced the class.

“i hated him.” you said bluntly, earning a few laughs. “he walked into every class with this stupid snarky smirk on his face and an even more perfect gpa, and i thought he was everything i didn’t want.”

you glanced at him, eyes softening.

“but then he started helping me. not just with school, but myself. he made me realize that it’s okay to ask for extra assistance and that it doesn’t make me weaker. he never made me feel small, even when i was spiraling. he just stayed. patient. steady.”

your voice lowered

“somewhere between the fake dates and late night studying, i started looking forward to everything—just because he’d be there.”

jay’s gaze flickers to yours, full of

something warm and bright.

professor park took a few scribbles on that same clipboard , but the room

stayed silent. almost breathless.

“thank you,” he said at last. “you’ve both exceeded expectations.”

the class broke into applause. a few people even whistled. but all you heard was the sound of jay’s breathing next to you. steady. grounding.

—

later that night you find yourselves back where it all started—the quad, now quiet under the golden wash of the campus.

jay had his hands in his pockets, walking slowly beside you.

“so,” he said eventually, “assignments over.”

you nodded. “guess we can stop fake dating now,”

“yeah we could,”

you turned to look at him. “unless…”

he stopped walking and you did too.

jay pulled his hands from out his pocket, stepping infront of you. “unless we don’t stop.”

your heart skipped a beat.

“i meant what i said in-front of everyone,” he continued, voice low. “i meant every word last night too. and i don’t want this to be pretend anymore.”

you felt your breath catch in your throat.

“so,” he said pulling something from

behind his back—a single sheet of paper.

your heart sank. “what is that?”

he grinned. “your last fake dating report.”

you opened it and read:

final evaluation : y/n is officially the person i want to stop pretending with. if she’ll let me, i want to keep dating her—no project, no professor. just me and her. will you be my girlfriend?”

you looked up, blinking fast. “you wrote this?”

“yeah…just didn’t want professor park took a grade it.”

your laugh broke through the lump in your throat.

“so,” he asked stepping closer. “will you?”

you didn’t hesitate. “yes. yes i will be your girlfriend jay.”

jay smiled so big it felt like this whole semester had been worth it for this moment alone. he leaned in, and you met him halfway—this time, with no tension lingering, no blurry lines.

just a kiss that felt like the beginning.

and it was.

—

[lupinqs]

CHAPTER THIRTEEN ━━ Ski Trip

❀ ━ pairing: paige bueckers x oc (jo jacobson)

❀ ━ word count: 4.8K

❀ ━ warnings: i don’t think any actually

❀ ━ links: my masterlist, nobody gets me masterlist

❀ ━ author’s note: i lowkey hate this chapter and i feel like i didn’t make it meaningful enough but im not rewriting it so here yall go BIG STUFF COMING NEXT CHAP THO

IT’S DECEMBER 20TH, and Paige has been procrastinating on packing all day, though she’s hyper-aware of her flight to Maryland tomorrow evening after their game. The plan was simple. She’d spend Christmas with her dad and Drew like she always did when her mom’s side of the family had something else going on. This year, it was a beach trip to the Bahamas—Ryan and Lauren had begged for it after they didn’t get a summer vacation, and even though her mom had hated the idea of leaving Paige out, she’d caved.

“It’s just this one year,” her mom had told her over the phone a couple of weeks ago, sounding guilty. “Next year, we’ll all do something together, I promise.”

Paige had told her it was fine, and it had been. It wasn’t like her mom had planned it that way, and besides, Paige had been looking forward to some quality time with her dad and Drew.

But now, as she sits at the small table in her and Jo’s apartment, her phone pressed to her ear, that plan is crumbling right in front of her.

Her dad coughs—again—and Paige frowns at the sound of it. “I’m telling you, P, it’s bad,” he says, his voice raspy and hoarse. “It’s not like Drew and I have a cold, it’s bronchitis. We’re super contagious, and the last thing I want is for you to get sick, too. You’d bring it back to the team, and…” He trails off, but Paige knows exactly what he’s thinking.

If she brought bronchitis back to Storrs, it would be a disaster. Paige knows how quickly that would spread through them, because they’re always around each other. One sick player turns into three, and suddenly half the roster is on the bench. Which would be bad—because half their roster already is on the bench.

Still, it doesn’t make her feel any better. She swallows the lump forming in her throat and forces her voice to sound steady, even though the frustration is bubbling underneath. “I get it, Dad. It’s just…” She sighs, rubbing a hand across her face. “It’s Christmas. I wanted to see you guys.”

“I know, baby. I’m sorry,” her dad says, and he really does sound it. “If there was any way to make it work, I’d tell you to come, but I can’t let you risk it. You’re not just my kid—you’re, like, a national treasure. Even with a busted knee. You’ve got bigger things to worry about than hanging out with your sick old man and your germy little brother.” He tries to laugh, but it quickly turns into a coughing fit.

When it finally passes, he speaks again, softer this time. “Look, I hate this. You know I do. But maybe it’s better this way. You don’t want to get sick, and I don’t want you here with me and Drew, bored out of your mind while we sit around coughing our lungs out. You should spend Christmas somewhere fun. I’m sure at least one of the girls will still be around campus, right?”

Paige doesn’t have the heart to tell him that everyone is going home for the holidays. Azzi’s flight to Virginia is tomorrow, and Caroline’s driving back to Massachusetts the next day. Ice is already gone, Geno allowing it since she can’t even play in tomorrow’s game. And it’s not like Paige can crash at the homes of her coaches or staff, either. She’ll be here. Alone.

“Yeah, maybe,” she lies instead. “Don’t worry about me, ’kay Just take care of yourself and Drew. I’ll figure somethin’ out.”

Her dad sighs, and for a second time, the line goes quiet. “I’m sorry, P,” he says again, and there’s a tiredness in his voice that makes her feel guilty for even being upset. “We’ll FaceTime you on Christmas morning. I love you.”

“Love you too,” she mumbles. “Tell Drew I said hi. And Merry Christmas.”

“I will.”

She barely gets out a goodbye before hanging up, and the moment the call disconnects, Paige puts her head in her hands, elbows resting on the table.

It’s not like she doesn’t understand. Her dad is right—going to Maryland would be a bad idea. But knowing that doesn’t make it easier. She’s supposed to be with her family for Christmas.

But now? She doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do. It’s not like she can book a flight to the Bahamas to be with her mom’s family.

So what does that leave? Staying on campus by herself? Wandering around Storrs in the freezing cold while the rest of her teammates celebrate with their families?

The thought puts a pit in her stomach, and she presses her palms harder against her face, as if that’ll somehow stop the wave of sadness crashing against her. She knows it’s not the end of the world—she’s an adult; she’ll survive—but it’s been a hard year, and she wanted to end it with her family beside her.

Suddenly, pair of warm and familiar arms drape loosely around Paige’s neck, startling her. She exhales sharply, caught off guard by the sudden closeness. She can feel Jo’s chin resting lightly on her shoulder, her breath warm against Paige’s cheek. Jo doesn’t seem to notice the way Paige tenses under her touch or how Paige’s stomach twists itself into knots.

“What’s up? Why’re you all sad?” Jo asks, her voice soft but still edged with that usual playful lilt that makes it hard to tell if she’s being entirely serious.

Paige swallows hard and keeps her gaze forward. Her fingers drum nervously against the table. “My dad and Drew are sick, so they’re not letting me come home,” she admits quietly, her voice tighter than she means for it to be. “I’mma be here all alone for Christmas.”

Jo pulls away abruptly, and Paige instantly misses the warmth of her arms. When she looks up, Jo’s eyes are searching hers, her expression a mix of disbelief and concern. “Wait, you’re not going to Maryland?” Jo asks, like she hasn’t just heard Paige say it.

Paige shakes her head, trying to keep her voice steady. “Nope,” she confirms, a little bitterly, popping the p.

Jo stares at her, unblinking, like she’s trying to solve a puzzle in her head. Then something shifts in her expression, and Paige can see it—the exact moment Jo’s brain kicks into overdrive. A slow grin spreads across Jo’s face, and her eyes brighten like she’s just come up with the best idea in the world. Paige feels herself get curios, because she knows Jo well enough to know that this particular look means she’s about to be dragged into something.

“Wait, no,” Jo says, her voice rising in excitement as she straightens up. “It’s fine. You’re not gonna be here alone.”

Paige frowns, confused. “What?”

But Jo’s practically bouncing on the balls of her feet now, her excitement infectious even though Paige has no idea what she’s getting at. “Oh my god, wait! This is perfect. Peyton’s fiancée is sick, too, so he’s not coming on our ski trip like he was supposed to. Come with my family! It’ll be fun! We can snowboard together!”

Paige blinks, her mind spinning as she tries to process what Jo just said. A ski trip? With Jo’s family? The idea sounds… nice, but also terrifying. Sure, she’s met most of Jo’s family before, but that was before she realized she was completely, helplessly in love with her. Being around them now, with Jo acting all warm and familiar, feels like it might be too much.

“Jo,” Paige says slowly, trying to let the younger girl down gently. “I can’t. I don’t wanna intrude—”

Jo cuts her off with an exaggerated deadpan look. “I love you.”

The words hit Paige like a punch to the chest. Her brain freezes for a split second, and she knows she’s staring at Jo like an idiot. Of course, Jo doesn’t mean it like that—she never does—but it doesn’t stop Paige’s heart from stuttering in her chest.

“So my family loves you, too,” Jo continues like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “It’ll be fun. You’re not intruding on anybody. Besides, if you wanna feel all guilty about it, then you can pay me back by driving us up there so I don’t have to.”

Paige narrows her eyes at that. “Wait. You were gonna drive up there?”

Jo shrugs casually, as if her driving isn’t an actual safety hazard. “Yeah.”

Paige groans, dragging a hand down her face. “God, now I have to go,” she mutters, half to herself. Jo tilts her head in confusion, so Paige adds, “I can’t let you drive all the way up there. You’re, like, the worst driver I’ve ever met.”

Jo gasps in mock offense, clutching her chest dramatically. “Wow. First of all, rude. Second of all, I’ve only almost killed us, like, twice.”

“Three times,” Paige corrects, unable to stop the small grin tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“Whatever,” Jo says, waving her hand dismissively. “Point is, you’re coming, and we’re gonna have the best time ever. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.”

Paige sighs, knowing she’s already lost this battle. The truth is, the idea of spending Christmas with Jo doesn’t sound bad at all. In fact, it sounds kind of amazing, even if the thought of being around her family makes her a little nervous. “Okay,” she says reluctantly, pretending to sound annoyed even though she’s not.

Jo grins triumphantly before squealing, planting a quick, friendly kiss on Paige’s temple.

Paige tries to ignore the way her heart skyrockets at that. This ski trip might be the death of her.

JO STRETCHES her legs out as much as she can in the passenger seat, knees knocking lightly against the glove compartment. Her fingers drum idly against the screen of her phone as she scrolls through her playlists, searching. It’s the 22nd, and they’re only about a half-hour into the three-hour trip to the ski resort in New York where she’ll spend Christmas with her family—and, now, with Paige too.

Paige is driving, looking entirely too focused on the road. Jo leans over just slightly, flipping through songs before finally landing on what feels like the obvious choice: Harry Styles. The opening notes of Golden start to play through the speakers, and Jo immediately starts singing along, drumming the rhythm against her thighs.

Paige groans from the driver’s seat, her tone exasperated. “Nooooo,” she complains like a child, scrunching her face at the sound of the music.

Jo rolls her eyes and lightly swats Paige’s arm. “Don’t disrespect him!” she scolds. “That’s my man.”

Paige glances over at her with one of those fond, half-annoyed smiles Jo’s grown so used to over the years. She rolls her eyes again, but at least she doesn’t change the song. Jo smirks to herself, victorious, as she turns up the volume a little.

The snow-covered scenery passes by in a blur, the outside world feeling far away and muted. It’s just her and Paige now, and Jo finds herself relaxing more and more as the car hums along the quiet highway. Eventually, Paige seems to stop pretending she hates the music. She starts humming softly under her breath—off-key, of course, but Jo thinks it’s charming.

As the minutes tick by, the conversation between them slows, and the silence stretches. But it’s not awkward—it rarely ever is with Paige. Jo lets herself sink into it, leaning her head against the window and watching the world go by. Snow blankets the ground and clings to the branches of trees, glittering under the pale sunlight. It’s all so pretty, and Jo feels a swell of contentment in her chest.

She’s excited about this trip, and not just because she loves Christmas or snowboarding or even the cozy cabin her family rents almost every year. No, this year is different. This year, Paige is coming, and that thought alone makes her feel like a kid on Christmas morning. Jo can’t quite explain it, but something about the idea of spending the holiday with Paige—and all of her favorite people at once—fills her with an almost overwhelming kind of joy.

She loves Paige. The words flash in her head so casually that it takes her a second to realize what she’s just thought. Jo blinks, staring out at the endless stretch of snow-covered ground, and suddenly feels… weird. Not in a bad way. Just weird.

It’s not like she hasn’t thought—or said—those words before. She’s told Paige she loves her plenty of times, always with that same casual confidence that comes with a close friendship. But for some reason, the words feel different now, like they’re tugging at something deeper inside her, a part of her brain she hadn’t noticed before. She frowns slightly, her breath fogging the window as she shifts in her seat.

Curious, almost cautious, Jo glances over at Paige. Paige looks good. The thought slips into Jo’s mind unbidden. Her gaze lingers—too long, maybe—on Paige’s profile. Her slicked-back bun reveals her sharp jawline and prominent cheekbones, and her skin glows softly under the light reflecting off the snow. Her blue eyes—they look so blue right now—stay locked on the road, narrowed ever so slightly in focus. Even her hands, gripping the steering wheel with casual ease, look… nice? The rings on her fingers catch the light, glinting softly, and Jo feels her stomach do this weird, fluttery thing she can’t quite explain.

Jesus, she doesn’t know what’s wrong with her right now.

She’s staring, she knows she’s staring, but she can’t seem to stop herself. Paige shifts slightly in her seat, and Jo’s eyes dart back to the window like she’s been caught red-handed.

“Enjoying the view?” Paige’s voice cuts through Jo’s thoughts, low and teasing, and Jo jerks her head back around.

Paige is smirking at her now, one brow raised as she steals a glance her way before refocusing on the road. Jo’s face flushes, heat prickling at the back of her neck, and she scrambles for something to say.

“Shut up,” Jo mutters instead, weakly, before lightly swatting Paige’s arm again. Paige just laughs, the sound low and easy and too pretty for Jo’s liking.

Jo turns back to the window, trying to ignore the way her heart is racing in her chest. She shouldn’t feel this weird. This is Paige. She’s never felt strange like this around her before. So why is it happening now?

Her reflection stares back at her in the window, her expression unreadable. She doesn’t have an answer, but the question lingers in her mind, gnawing at her as the scenery blurs by.

THE CAR creaks to a stop, tires crunching on the gravel driveway, and Paige cuts the engine. Her hands rest on the steering wheel for a second too long as she stares at the cabin in front of them. It’s huge, with rustic wooden beams and wide windows that glint in the soft afternoon sunlight. Against the backdrop of snow-covered trees and a looming mountain, the place looks like something out of a Hallmark movie.

Not for the first time, Paige wonders just how much money Jo’s family actually has. She exhales softly, glancing over at Jo, who’s already unbuckling her seatbelt and muttering something about how cold it looks outside.

“Ready?” Jo asks, grinning as she swings the passenger door open. She doesn’t wait for Paige to answer before stepping out, boots crunching in the snow.

Paige follows, shivering as the cold air hits her. They make their way to the trunk, pulling out their luggage and the carefully wrapped presents. Paige grabs her suitcase and Jo’s backpack, while Jo hefts a duffel bag and a stack of gifts precariously balanced in her arms.

As they start up the snow-dusted path to the cabin, Paige feels a knot of nerves twist low in her stomach. She’s been around Jo’s family before—met her parents briefly, spent an afternoon with her little sister Mia—but this is different. A whole four days with them, at Christmas no less, feels more a lot closer. It makes her jittery.

The knot tightens as they get closer to the door. Paige’s boots crunch loudly in the quiet, the sound almost distracting enough to drown out her thoughts. Almost. She glances at Jo, who seems completely at ease, her face lighting up as she takes in the cabin and the familiar setting. Jo doesn’t seem nervous at all. There’s no reason for her to be, really. Paige wishes she could say the same.

Before they even reach the porch, the front door bursts open.

“Mia—” comes a faint voice from inside, but it’s already too late.

Jo’s little sister Mia comes charging out of the cabin, her boots slipping slightly on the snow but her momentum unstoppable. “You guys took so long!” she yells, her voice high and dramatic in the way Paige remembers. “We thought you got into a car accident and died!”

Jo snorts, her face splitting into a grin. “That was your theory?” she asks incredulously.

“It’s not a theory, it’s a possibility!” Mia shouts back, skidding to a stop in front of them. She looks up at Paige, her wide brown eyes sparkling with excitement. “Hi, Paige,” she says, her tone immediately softening into something warmer. “Do you remember me?”

Paige crouches slightly, balancing Jo’s backpack on her knee as she smiles at Mia. “Of course I remember you, Mimi,” she says. “How could I forget?”

Mia beams, and Paige can’t help but smile back. She liked Mia the first time she met her, and apparently the feeling was mutual, because Mia immediately latches onto her hand like they’re best friends. Jo groans beside her.

“You’re not allowed to replace me with Paige,” Jo says, her voice dry. “I’m your sister, remember?”

Mia rolls her eyes, an action so similar to Jo’s that it makes Paige laugh. Before Jo can retaliate, another voice cuts through the chilly air.

“Mia, you are such a menace,” says a woman stepping out onto the porch, pulling a jacket on. She’s tall and thin, with sleek dark hair pulled into a ponytail. Paige recognizes her immediately—Peyton, Jo’s older sister. The one who dances in New York.

Mia gives Peyton a look, saying, “No, you.”

Peyton doesn’t respond, crossing her arms and leaning casually against the porch railing. She smiles at Jo, saying, “Hey, Joey,” before her eyes land on Paige. She nods toward her, her smirk softening into something friendlier. “Hi, Paige. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Paige’s stomach flips slightly at the wording. “Nothing bad, I hope,” she says, sending Jo a look before turning back to Peyton. “Nice to meet you.”

Peyton raises an eyebrow, glancing at Jo like she’s amused by something. Jo pointedly ignores her, busying herself with readjusting the presents in her arms. Before Paige can think too much about it, Jo’s parents appear in the doorway, their voices warm and welcoming as they call out greetings.

The knot in Paige’s stomach starts to loosen as Jo’s mom pulls her into a quick, affectionate hug, and her dad shakes her hand firmly. They’re warm, easygoing, and clearly thrilled to have her here. It’s overwhelming in the best way, and by the time they’re all inside the cabin, surrounded by the crackle of a fire and the smell of something delicious cooking in the kitchen, Paige feels the last of her nerves melt away.

She might have been nervous about intruding, but now, as Jo’s family laughs and chatters around her, Paige thinks this is exactly what Christmas is supposed to feel like.

IT’S LATE, and the house is quiet now. Jo likes it—the silent hum of her family settling into their rooms, the muffled crackle of the fireplace in the living room below. But mostly, she likes the way it feels to be here, with Paige.

The bathroom is small and warm, steam still lingering in the air from earlier showers. Jo leans over the counter, squeezing a dollop of black face mask onto her fingers. Paige mirrors her on the other side of the sink, her blonde hair still pulled back in its bun, loose strands framing her face. Jo’s been hyper-aware of her all day. It’s not like anything new has even happened, so she doesn’t know why things suddenly feel different. But it does. It’s like everything Paige does—the way she laughs, the way her blue eyes catch the light, the way her fingers brushed Jo’s earlier while stealing a cookie from the baking tray—feels sharper, louder, harder to ignore. Almost like a switch has been turned on in Jo’s head.

“Okay, hold still,” Jo says, stepping closer. Paige tilts her head downward slightly, her blue eyes locking on Jo’s, and Jo tries not to notice how close they are. She smears a stripe of the black mask across Paige’s cheekbone, biting back a grin when Paige wrinkles her nose.

“You’re being so aggressive about it,” Paige says, her voice teasing. She dips her fingers into her own little bowl of the mask and smears a line down Jo’s nose in retaliation.

Jo huffs, rolling her eyes even as her lips twitch into a grin. She swipes another streak across Paige’s forehead, her fingers lingering against her skin. It’s such a small, fleeting thing, but it feels like electricity sparking up Jo’s arm. She pulls her hand back quickly, hoping Paige doesn’t notice how her breath catches.

Paige’s lips quirk, but she doesn’t say anything. She just smears another bit of the mask across Jo’s jaw, her hand steady and confident like she always is. “You’re a terrible client,” Paige mutters, her voice dry but soft, her blue eyes flicking briefly to Jo’s. And Jo, again, feels that strange, sharp awareness settle over her. She doesn’t get it. This isn’t new. It’s not like she hasn’t been this close to Paige before—hell, she and Paige cuddle in the same bed nearly every night.

But today, it’s like her brain has decided that Paige is a little too much. Too pretty. Too funny. Too… Paige. Jo doesn’t know what to do with it, so she keeps quiet, keeps working on the mask, hoping the feeling will pass. It doesn’t.

She steps back slightly, assessing her work, and Paige tilts her head again, clearly trying to get a good look at herself in the mirror behind Jo. Her smile is gummy, and Jo’s chest squeezes in a way that feels alarmingly foreign. It’s fine. This is fine.

“You look kinda funny,” Paige tells her.

Jo rolls her eyes. “No, you look funny.”

“You both look funny,” a new voice says.

Jo looks toward the bathroom door and nearly groans out loud. Mia is standing there, leaning against the frame with her hands on her hips. Her hair is braided, and she’s wearing pink pajamas with unicorns on them. Jo loves her sister, but Mia has the uncanny ability to show up at the exact wrong time. Every time.

Jo watches as Paige grins at Mia, her eyes sparkling under the harsh bathroom lights. Paige’s hand reaches out, steady and sure, wrapping easily around Mia’s small wrist as she pulls her closer. “Come look funny with us,” Paige says, her voice teasing but warm, and somehow, Mia lets her. Mia—who has never warmed up to anyone outside of their family as quickly as she has with Paige—lets her.

Jo leans against the sink, arms crossed over her chest, observing the way Paige lifts Mia effortlessly onto the counter. It shouldn’t be surprising by now—Paige’s knack for fitting in, for making herself comfortable in any room, any space. But it is surprising. Jo doesn’t understand how Paige has done it, how she’s managed to turn Mia into a giggling puddle of affection when Jo can barely get her little sister to listen most days.

It shouldn’t bug her. It shouldn’t make her chest ache the way it does, seeing Paige there, standing so close to her family, fitting into the picture like she belongs in it. Like she’s been in it all along. Jo feels something twist in her stomach as Paige dips her fingers into the little bowl of face mask and dabs some of the black paste onto Mia’s nose, grinning when Mia squeals. It’s like watching someone carve their name into a tree that’s already been there for years. Permanent. Unshakable.

Jo’s heart stutters, and she doesn’t know why.

“Okay, okay, hold still,” Paige says, laughing as Mia squirms. Jo’s still leaning against the counter, arms crossed a little too tight against her chest, trying to ignore how soft Paige’s voice is, how easy she makes it look—being good with kids, being good with Mia.

Paige looks over her shoulder at Jo and grins. “You gonna stand there the whole time, or are you gonna help me?”

Jo doesn’t trust herself to say anything, not with the way her throat feels tight all of a sudden. She pushes off the counter and grabs the bowl from Paige’s hand, stepping closer. The three of them are a little crowded now, Paige and Jo standing shoulder to shoulder, Mia giggling in the middle of it all. Jo’s hyper-aware of how Paige’s arm brushes against hers every time she moves, how Paige’s perfume—subtle and familiar—lingers in the small space between them.

Jo focuses on the task, smearing the face mask carefully across Mia’s cheeks. “Stay still, Mimi,” she mutters, but her voice is softer than usual, her irritation dulled. Mia grins at her, like she knows Jo can’t ever stay mad at her for long. Paige snickers next to her, and Jo doesn’t need to look to know there’s a smirk tugging at her lips.

“Aight, done,” Paige says, stepping back slightly to admire their work. Mia beams at her reflection in the mirror, her face covered in streaky black paste. Jo sets the bowl down, already turning back to the sink, when she catches it—the look Paige and Mia share. Mischievous. Almost conspiratorial.

“Don’t,” Jo says, narrowing her eyes at them, but it’s too late. Mia’s already scooping some of the mask onto her tiny fingers, and Paige follows suit, dipping her own hand back into the bowl. Before Jo can move, they both strike.

“Guys!” Jo exclaims as they swipe the cold, sticky paste across her lips, their laughter echoing off the tiled walls. She wipes at her mouth furiously, glaring at them both. “It’s not supposed to go on the lips!”

“Sorry, Joey,” Mia giggles, and Jo groans at the sound of it. She hates when Mia calls her that, hates when most of her family does. Though, she has to admit, it is better than JoJo.

But then Paige says it. “Yeah, sorry, Joey,” Paige echoes, her tone dripping with mock sincerity, her lips curled into a grin. And it’s different. It hits Jo differently, like a warm gust of wind cutting through the chill. The way Paige says hasn’t ever made her cringe. It’s never annoyed her. Instead, it makes her heart trip over itself, stumbling into something that feels suspiciously like want.

Jo stills, her hand still pressed against her lips, her brain suddenly moving too fast and too slow at the same time. Paige’s grin softens slightly as she steps back, wiping her own fingers clean on a towel, completely oblivious to the way Jo’s entire world is starting to tilt off its axis.

Jo can’t stop the thought that rises, unbidden and unwelcome. I like the way she says my name.

And then, like a sudden slap to the face, the truth hits her. It doesn’t creep in. It doesn’t build slowly. It slams into her all at once, leaving no room for doubt or denial.

She likes Paige.

Her chest tightens, and she almost feels like she can’t breathe. Oh my God. She likes Paige. Not just as a friend. Not just as her teammate or her roommate. She likes her in a way she never, ever thought she would.

It’s the kind of realization that knocks everything out of focus, that makes her head spin. Because this isn’t just some fleeting, surface-level thing. It’s not a crush she can shrug off. It’s Paige. And it feels like the ground under her feet has cracked wide open.

It doesn’t make any sense to her. She’s always thought she’s straight. She’s never even entertained the idea of liking girls. She always had Asher, and even though they’re broken up now, that wound is still fresh.

But the realization is there, and it’s as real as anything else. She likes Paige.

Jo glances at Paige out of the corner of her eye, half hoping that maybe she’ll catch on, that she’ll notice something’s wrong and say something stupid or reassuring or Paige-like. But Paige is just there, wiping Mia’s hands with a towel, laughing softly at whatever Mia just said, completely unaware that Jo is facing one of the most startling realizations of her life.

And Jo? Jo is completely, utterly fucked.

[allllium]

The Perfect Gift

~ Today is my birthday and I immediately thought about Remus being the best boyfriend ever so here's something short and sweet about Remus being amazing for your birthday <3

~ Fluff, Remus being a little insecure, WC: 963

~ Remus gets you the perfect birthday gift

Remus was really nervous. He often is around you but this time it's worse. Today is your birthday and he got you what at the time seemed like a great gift, but now, after seeing the things you got from everything else, he doesn't feel like it's so great anymore.

All day he has seen you get these amazing, slightly expensive gifts, all of which now make his gift pale in comparison. He decided not to buy you anything this year, feeling like nothing was good enough for you, instead he made you something. More like he tries to make something and ending up needing his mum to help him.

He holds the bag tentatively in his hand. A simple black bag with a ribbon of your favorite color keeping it tied. He makes his way to the muggle restaurant you agreed to meet at for dinner. After spending all day at a birthday party with your friends and family, you went shopping with a couple close friends to get new clothes for a fancy dinner.

"Rem!" You light up when you see him. You'd just gotten there moments before and decided to wait outside until he showed up.

"Hi angel." He greets in a gently murmur, pulling you in for a quiet kiss.

"You got me a gift?" You smile and ask. Of course you expected it considering Remus gets you gifts more often than you can count.

"Obviously. I love any day where I can celebrate you." He begins to walk into the restaurant as if he didn't just make you swoon. You move quickly to catch up and grab his hand.

"What is it?" You question inpatiently. You've been waiting all day for this, not just for a gift but getting a gift from him specifically. You know whatever is in that bag will be much more thoughtful and meanful to you than anything else you've gotten today. Everything else were things that people spent a lot of money on to make up for the up they don't really know what you would want. Remus knows.

"You're gonna have to wait till after dinner."

"Awwww why?" You immediately whine.

"Cause I said so."

"Meanie." You whisper, walking up towards the hostess.

Dinner lasts well over an hour. Well dinner lasted about 20 minutes once you got your food, but you and Remus stayed far longer. You spent the time talking and laughing and on Remus's end clearly procrastinating giving you your gift.

You know he's doing this because he's been fiddling with the ribbon and steering the conversation away from it every time.

"So what's making you overthink this time?"

For a moment he gives you a strange look but he quickly smiles and asks what you mean.

"Well you won't give me the gift which wouldn't matter except you've been really excited about it for weeks. Obviously you're thinking about something and I guarantee you have no reason to." You swiftly explain.

"I'm sorry, angel. I didn't get you a gift. I made you one well my mother and I made you one. But I don't know if it'll match up to the other gifts you got today." He shyly says. His face turning a shade of red.

"You made me something?" You grin wildly at him and his overly sweet heart. "Gimme it. Please."

"I don't know maybe I should get you something else."

"Hell no. Hand it over before I come over this table and get it myself." The threat comes out of your mouth before you have the opportunity to stop it. Remus only smiles at you, both because he knows you'll actually do it and it makes him feel slightly better about his strange insecurity.

He finally sighs and hands over the bag. Knowing he really has no choice. He watches anxiously as you carefully pull off the ribbon and remove the tissue paper. Watching as your face drops and eyes slightly tear. For a moment he thinks he was right in being scared but you jump out of your seat and move to his side of the table. Your chair scraps loudly against the tile floor and he winces at the noise.

At his side of the table you hug him enough to push the air out of his lungs. You grab his face and give him many quick kisses, ignoring the strange looks from people at surrounding tables.

"I love it. I love it. I love you!" You exclaim.

"Are you sure?" He asks, confused by your out of ordinary outburst.

"Remus this is the best gift I've ever gotten. I love you so much." You immediately ask him to put it on you. Lighting up even more if possible when you look down at your wrist to see the gorgeous bracelet. The gorgeous bracelet that your amazing boyfriend, and his mum, hand made just for you. The gorgeous bracelet with carved, metal charms dangling from it. The gorgeous bracelet that somehow fits you perfectly.

"I thought that I could make you more charms as time goes on. Things that represent what we are together, y'know." You look at him for a split second, with tears in your eyes, before looking back down to closely admire the charms you already have. As of right now there's a wolf, a star, a flower, and a sun. The sun is special. You flip it over to see a small engraved heart with both your initials in it.

"You are the most perfect man to exist." You turn to him and say. "Seriously this is the best gift ever."

"I love you." He says. Standing from his chair and pulling you in by the waist.

Putting your head against his, you whisper, "I love you more."

[mweothe11e]

PAC: "What are you in denial about?"

After a long time of doing ask games, I finally got to sit on my procrastinating tush and try making another PAC reading.

We all have something we struggle to accept about ourselves, things we are subconsciously in denial about. It can be a habit, a little quirk that we're lowkey embarrassed about, or anything about ourselves that we tend to struggle to openly admit.

So, I want everyone who sees this PAC to know...

"Every facet, every aspect of yourself, even the parts that you struggle to accept or find a hard time resonating with, every little thing that makes the whole you, is worth loving and accepting.

Always remember, you're never too much or not enough for the right person."

(Note: this is for entertainment purposes only. Feel free to accept the parts that resonate and leave what doesn't. Never forget that you have free will.)

Choose the picture that you intuitively feel called to:

(the images do not belong to me.)

(TW: Some piles mentioned heavy topics, like pain, trauma or ab-se. Don't read through this pile if you're already going through tough times.)

Pile 1: 8 of Wands, Page of Swords, 6 of Wands

Hi Pile 1, the first thing that you are in denial about is how cutthroat your cut-off game is~ You’re the type that doesn’t really need a lot of time to recover from any terrible/unfortunate situation in your life. You’re not the type to cry over spilled milk.

For you, the world doesn’t stop spinning regardless if you cry your heart out or eat a whole tub of ice cream under your weighted blanket, so why get stuck with what ended?

Another interpretation for the first card is your ability to make sound decisions on the spot. This applies to your career. If a certain opportunity shows up in front of you, you can make decisive actions then and there, whether you would accept it or redirect this opportunity to someone who fits their description more.

With this specific interpretation, I picked up that Pile 1 is ambitious but not greedy (which is considered as rare combo in this day and age). If you happen to encounter a chance opportunity that will greatly benefit someone else, you don’t hesitate to recommend that person instead of taking the opportunity yourself.

It would seem that this pile subconsciously knows that opportunities are everywhere and it doesn’t run out. So why take every opportunity in front of you when you know one of your peers better fits that opportunity's requirements and skillset? You’re the pile that loves to share your blessings because sharing is caring~

The last tidbit interpretation for the first card is you’re in denial about your impulsive shopping addiction, thinking of ordering something impulsively online when you’re just about to sleep. I can already sense some of you are in denial about how many items are there in your online shopping cart~

The next thing you’re in denial about is your knowledgeable, witty, and chatty side. This card actually made me feel sad because it seems that you were made to feel that you are too talkative, some of you might be bullied about being a know-it-all.

This pile was made to believe that knowing a lot doesn’t make a lot of friends. That people who know less than you have more friends, so if you really wanted to make more friends, you were told to “dumb down” to make you more “relatable”.

There’s nothing wrong with having multiple interests and wanting to talk about it. Knowing a little bit of everything makes for an amazing conversationalist. So please, don’t let yourself be pressured to be stupid just to make friends. If the people around you aren’t interested in your niche, there’s the rest of the world that would gladly hear you talk about your interests.

Finally, the last thing you’re in denial about is you don’t feel worthy of the success and victory you aspire to achieve. Pile 1, please I beg you don’t be too hard on yourself. You don’t have to suffer to deserve the abundance you’re working hard to achieve, okay?

You deserve to be celebrated. You deserve to have your hard work be recognized. You owning up to your achievements and success doesn’t make you an arrogant person. You simply know your worth, more like, you’ll soon know your worth. There’s nothing wrong with giving credit where it is due, okay?

(this concludes your reading, Pile 1. Thank you for reading the whole interpretation of your cards. I do hope you give yourself the time and space to accept yourself, your flaws, and flaunts)

Pile 2: Queen of Swords, Hermit, Ace of Cups

(TW: I might unintentionally call your pile out. I do this with love, but seems my words might be a bit too blunt. So... sorry in advance)

Hi Pile 2, from the first card, it seems that you are in denial about your capability to be independent. It seems that this pile might be my parentified, burnt-out eldest child, “I can’t rely on anyone but myself; yet into too tired, so I just decided to give up on trying in life” kind of group. Could also be my fellow millennial pile~ The whole, “I was robbed of my childhood” pile.

Pile 2, it seems that you’ve seen that being a reliable and mature child brought you more headaches and early signs of grey hair, due to overwhelming stress and dysregulated nervous system. You’re like, “Screw it, I’m done being reliable, so I’m gonna start not taking the lead and just hole up in my apartment and enjoy being a NEET.

Being overly independent made a lot of people unnecessarily dump you with everybody else’s problems, which made you the community’s unofficial unpaid therapist. Being such a people pleaser, tending to everyone else’s needs led you to disregard your own well-being and sanity, to the point when you’ve had enough.

So now, you could have probably stopped trying because overachievers are forced to be people-pleasing over-givers, and you have had enough of that collective abuse of your giving and understanding nature. So you just stopped trying altogether. This led you to your current situation. Either in a dead-end job, having multiple part-time jobs that barely pay the rent at the end of the month, or unemployed. I should include a trigger warning on this pile before posting.

So with the first card alone, you’ve become hopeless and resentful of the world outside your four walls. Because when you took the initiative and did your best, instead of appreciation, you were buried with responsibilities that were never yours from the very beginning. Pile 2, you were unappreciated, that’s why you’ve reached your limit and stopped trying. But because of this self-sabotaging approach in life, you suffer due to a lack of resources, which then would further aggravate your already pessimistic outlook in life.

But here’s the thing, Pile 2. You know what you need to do to get out of your situation. You have the ability to make your life better. One way to ensure that what happened to you before won’t happen again is by establishing healthy boundaries with people around you. Yes, my chronic people-pleasing pile, I’m gonna hold your hand (in spirit) and tell this rather hard pill-to-swallow suggestion, Learn to Say NO.

I know, it sucks because it might be something you were never taught that you are allowed to do when you grew up. Either you have Pisces, Cancer, or Libra in the 4th house or you have prominent Pisces, Cancer, or Libra personal placements.

I really hate to be a bringer of bad news but in establishing healthy boundaries, you will finally learn which people in your life benefitted from your lack of boundaries previously.

Clue: they get mad that you told them No and they said that you changed in a rather condescending manner. That’s just a little clue, my Pile 2.

So from giving up on life to starting over again and owning up to your ability to be independent, it’s not an overnight change, this is a continuous journey of turning your life around for the better. So my dear Pile 2, be kind, patient and compassionate towards yourself on your path to independency.

Your whole body was so used to be in survival mode, then it went to freeze mode, so you need to work hard to regulate your nervous system to learn to be okay to put yourself out into the world again. That it’s safe to try again. That it’s okay to live your life the way you know works best for you.

Just always remember, to establish strong and healthy boundaries first, and then learn to soften a bit with selective people, every now and then. Use your discernment who deserves to have access in your life and be firm with your boundaries whenever some unsavory character tries to ruin and poison your peace.

You know what you can do, and you know what you’re capable of achieving. Regardless on how old you are right now, as long as you live, you are allowed to start over again.

Another thing you are in denial about is your natural ability for self-reflection. Some people have to learn to be self-aware enough to reflect on their actions and their impact on others, but you Pile 2 are a natural at it.

You might have experienced some sort of ostracization from your peers because you didn’t let yourself immediately conform and fit in. But you knew that doing what everyone else is doing, isn’t something that’s aligned with you. It’s like every cell in your body rejects any peer pressure that doesn’t align with your goals and belief system.

This could also be interpreted as you are in denial about being comfortable with being socially withdrawn. Being in isolation for so long, you’ve learned to be okay by yourself. This leads back to the first card about your ability to be independent. Since you can do things on your own, you don’t really rely on others, which is a jab towards people who crave constant external validation.

Your ability to be good on your own is frowned upon by a society that heavily advertises a collective, community-centric system. This ruffles a lot of feathers of those who heavily depend on others to decide everything in their lives. Basically, people with a sheep mentality won’t like you.

Which, in all honesty, it’s a great thing that people who can’t think for themselves don’t like you. Take this as a compliment, not an insult. Why would you want to conform when you know you have the ability to curate your life by your design? Why do you have to conform to look like everyone else, when you can be you for free? Think about that~

Of course, you need to take time to get to know yourself first and the process to that has a series of ups and downs, so just ride the wave with a surfer’s mindset. You’ll learn that their projections of you were never your responsibilities to begin with. Those are mere insecurities they actively decided to inflict on others. It was never your cross to bear. So why be bound by others’ fears when you have your own life to live according to your will?

The last thing you’re in denial is having opportunities to start again. This one felt rather odd to interpret because it feels more like a mindset issue. Particularly, you’re held back by your scarcity mindset, thinking you don’t have any opportunities to be abundant, when in reality, you do, it’s just that, it’s in a way that you never thought was possible. Okay, I think I’m starting to make sense of how this card is being interpreted.

So, do you about how the law of assumption works? What do you assume becomes your reality? It’s kinda like that but, it’s more of your reality unfolding to what you believe in. So let me try to break it down further with an example.

So if you assume that you don’t have a lot of going for you, then your mind will naturally find reasons/proofs around you to back up that belief. Your mind would like to reason why you don’t have a lot. Does this explanation make more sense for you? Do let me know in the comment section.

With that, the reverse is the solution. If you want to find reasons why you are having a great life, phrase your affirmations into questions. So for example, instead of saying, “The universe loves to take care of me”, rephrase it as “How is the universe showing me that it loves to take care of me?”. So when your brain hears that, it will look for signs, proofs, or shreds of evidence around you that will answer that question.

Another affirmation that you can turn into an ASK-firmation is “My life is amazing” into “Why is my life so amazing?”. Just try turning your affirmations into questions, read it first thing before you go to your phone, like any typical affirmation practice. Let me know how it goes.

(So this concludes your reading, Pile 2. I just want you to know that no matter what your age, race, socio economic class is, you have every right and opportunity to try again.)

Pile 3: World, 7 of Wands, King of Wands

(TW: I did not expect how unhinged the call-out is in this pile. So… like always, I’m sorry in advance)

Hi Pile 3, based on the first card, it seems that you’re in denial of your desire for belongingness. It’s giving, “I don’t care what anyone else says because I got me; then I cry myself to sleep because fck, I’m so lonely and feels so unwanted.” Yup, this pile needs a trigger warning too.

It could be that picked on you because of your uniqueness or nonconforming personal values. Another potential interpretation is being of mixed race or being in an environment that’s predominantly occupied by a different socio-economic class. There’s this heavy Uranian, almost Aquarius dominant energy in this pile.

Now, you don’t need to have the placements I’ve stated in your chart, this is just the initial vibe of this pile, the socially awkward and outcast pile. Now, as human beings, we’re social creatures, though varies depending on a person’s preference to live more introvertedly or extrovertedly. Even introverts have friends.

So with this pile, you might have been used to this prevalent shadows of alienation and ostracization by your peers/community because of the aforementioned clues above. But just because you’re used to it, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt you or affect you in a negative way.

You know that it’s impossible to be liked by everyone, but it’d be nice to have a few like-minded individuals that you resonate with on a soul level. It’d be nice if you find your own supportive community too, which is absolutely normal. So please don’t shame yourself for wanting to belong. But you also need to remind yourself that if you have to change and dim your light to be accepted, you’re serenading the wrong crowd.

There’s this really niche suggestion because, in this economy, it’s not that easy to just pack up and leave into a different city/country that you feel called to, but if you have the means and you’ve thoroughly done your research, then by all means, pack up and go where you are appreciated.

Basically, the line goes, “Don’t dwell where you’re unappreciated.” But you still need funds, so if it helps you be motivated to get out and move away, try to do as much research on that city/country while working to save up for the necessary expenses you’d likely incur in your first 6 months in that new environment. If you need to learn the language, self-study in your spare time. Slowly find little ways to integrate the culture there into your daily life while preparing to leave.

But yes, pile 3, you’re not asking too much to wanna feel like you belong. There’s nothing wrong with you. So don’t apologize for wanting this, okay?

Another thing you might be in denial about is your overly defensive responses like easily triggered knee-jerk reactions brought about by denying the existence of your unhealed trauma from childhood. Damn, I really should put a trigger warning for this pile. Pile 3, you guys okay?? Still alive, barely breathing??

Seems to me that if you chose this pile, you got a whole lot to unfold. I can’t even make silly jokes to lighten the mood a bit. So the only thing I can do for you so that whatever time of your life you’re reading this, I hope you know, at least one person in the world wants to give you a Long Distance warm hug. I might not be there physically, but I am in spirit. But if you actually feel something holding you when you’re alone, then that’s a whole different spirit that you need to deal with personally.

So, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t stand up for yourself. What I’m saying is to be unaffected in public and execute your sassy vengeance in the shadows. LOL. But if you’re the type to be patient enough to let karma do its thing, then just wait and let the sht hit the fan when karma’s ready to come swinging.

Finally, the last thing you’re probably in denial of is your ability to take charge and lead. Pile 3, it seems that you’re the type that struggles to see yourself in a positive light. With how harsh and unemotionally draining your formative years may have been, you’ve been told too many times to suppress and conform that you ended up losing a little bit of yourself after every critique and degrading insult.

I’m here to tell you Pile 3, you have every right to feel what you feel. Don’t run away from it. Don’t deny it. Don’t shove it so far down your subconscious that it becomes a self-depreciating core belief that you’d struggle to heal in the future. Owning your power, accepting your light, harnessing your capability to lead and go forward. These things are way out of your comfort zone. Yet you know that these are things you are absolutely capable of. Let’s call it “Talents in statis”.

For you to awaken such latent abilities, you need to be gentle and compassionate with yourself in this journey. Self-development is a series and cycles of explore, experiment and re-strategize. So, if one approach didn’t sit well with you, there are other ways to improve that would best fit you. Curate your life as you see fit. Don’t just focus on working on the actually work need to be done. Work on improving and mastering your skills. The more you learn how to lead yourself, the more you’ll learn to feel more confident in leading others.

Don’t view mistakes as some irreparable stain in your soul. Mistakes are lessons guised as challenges for the purpose of character development. So, like a child that still learning to walk, feel free to do it messily and clumsily. It is in these attempts would you be able to harness and fully acknowledge your capability to influence and lead with conviction.

(This concludes the end of your reading, Pile 3. You know yourself best, both strengths and weaknesses. So you know what you need and have to do in order for you to learn to acknowledge the things you’ve been in denial about.

If you struggle to figure out how to start, do your research that you feel best addresses your current state of being. As always, take it slow, show compassion towards yourself, and always remember that “It’s only cringe until you make it.”)

Pile 4: 8 of Swords, Queen of Cups, Fool

(TW, yet again: This pile mentioned certain terms that might be triggering. So, if you intuitively feel that this is truly your pile, pause now and then. Let yourself just sit and breathe.)

Hi, Pile 4, the first thing you’re in denial about is that you are actually in pain. This pile feels like my self-sacrificing modern-day martyrs, particularly people who are or were in an abusive relationship. Another interpretation is being in denial of your codependency towards people who are doing wrong by you. Could also being in denial of being stuck in some mental cage of scarcity and limiting beliefs.

Damnnn, I need a trigger warning in front of this reading. This is giving “I can fix them” and “They’re not actually that bad until you get to know them”. Another vibe I can feel in this pile is accepting people for their potential. Also, this pile is giving “unappreciated hero martyred at the plaza pyre” vibes. The type that doesn’t realize just how much pain endured in hopes of acquiring the idea of someone. This is giving “limerence turned discarded puppet” vibes.

I’m sorry Pile 4 but the people who harmed you chose to stay for the benefit of their convenience, not out of love. They knew what they were doing to you was wrong. So please stop deluding yourself and remove those rose-colored glasses to see them for who they truly are, the master puppeteer of your demise.

Oh dear, pile 4 I really want to give you a hug! Please be brave and ask for help that you need. Report to the authorities and ask for their protection/assistance. Seek therapy. Talk to a friend. Do anything. Don’t leave yourself in a constant state of confusion because of their prolonged gaslighting had you questioning if you really being treated right or being suck dry of your energy and resources.

If you’re still confused if the amount of pain and trauma you’ve endured is normal, tell it to a trustworthy friend who can hold a safe space for you to speak your truth. Don’t leave out details. And listen to what they have to say after you’ve said your piece. You’ll know just how bad you’ve gone through with the help of their insight.

Another thing you’re in denial about pile 4 is your warm and loving nature. This could cause you to be shocked that this is something you’re in denial about because with everything you’ve gone through, you wonder, how can you still be warm and loving after all the pain you’ve gone through? But that’s the thing of pain, right? It highlights a clue as to what needs to be addressed.

When highlighting a certain issue that needs your attention, it’s expected that you subconsciously disregarded outer aspects of your life. Like, with how much pain you’ve endured, you’d question, how can someone with a broken spirit that lost hope, be considered as warm and loving.

Maybe, prior to the unfortunate series of your life, you were this warm, kind and nurturing person, that won’t hesitate to gave to someone else in need. Maybe the version of you before those pain is the version of you that’s warm and loving.

But I’m telling you right now, Pile 4, if you truly aren’t as warm and loving as you claim to be, then why didn’t inflict the pain you’ve sustain to other people? Why didn’t you pass your pain to someone else? Why do you still wish for a better and happier life? Why do you still have hope? I’ll leave this for you to answer whenever you feel like it.

Bad people wouldn’t feel bad nor wouldn’t contemplate if what they did or said could unintentionally hurt someone else. See? You’re not as bad and hopeless as you perceive yourself as. So, please pile 4, and never forget that once you get yourself out of that unfortunate situation, it’s safe for you to exist. It is safe for you to put yourself first. It is safe for you to try again.

Finally, you are in denial about your sense of wonder and innocence. It might have been because you had experienced quite a bit of betrayal from people who mistook your kindness for weakness in the past. Because of how you were played the Fool for seeing the potential in people, these manipulators used your sympathetic heart against you, making you guarded and distrustful.

You might have hated how you wanted to share your kind and giving heart when you were surrounded by a crowd of traitors. This made you resentful and closed off from the world to the point that you don’t see any reason to want to try socializing again Pile 4.

You are not at any fault for wanting to see life in a better and more positive light, Pile 4. We are living in a time where gaslighting and manipulation are the unfortunate societal norm. So being your authentic wonderful self takes courage and strength in this confusing period in time. As hard as it is to do, please don’t like the toxicity of the world corrupt your heart.

There’s nothing wrong with who you are and who you want to become. Embrace this innocence with open arms as this is actually one of your superpowers.

(This concludes the end of your reading, pile 4. Admitting to yourself that you’ve gone through pain doesn’t make you weak. Believing in the goodness of others doesn’t make you stupid. Treating people with love, compassion and respect is an unfortunate rarity in our modern world.

So let yourself feel what you’ve denied acknowledgment before. Be the safe space you want to exist in. Do take care and don’t feel bad for standing up for yourself.)

Always remember, this is for entertainment purposes only. If you are going through stuff, seek professional help.

[atsro-slut]

Could you please do remus x reader with reader during exams absolutely procrastinating to death and getting stressed about it? I could use the motivation for my exams 🫶

A Quiet Break

☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:☆

Hi bby!! Thank you SO much for the request! I hope it is to your liking <3 This is also a reminder to everyone that my requests are open!

Remus Lupin x female!reader

Exams got Y/N stressed—good thing Remus knows just how to help her hit reset.

☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:☆

It was a typical evening in the Gryffindor common room, the crackling fire casting warm light over the room full of students bent over textbooks and parchment. The tension was palpable—Exams were fast approaching, and everyone was on edge. But amidst all the frantic studying, there was one student who stood out.

Y/N was slumped over a desk, her eyes fixed on an open textbook that she wasn't actually reading. Instead, she stared at the words, but none of them seemed to make sense. The notes on the page blurred together as her mind raced in a thousand different directions. She had been at it for hours, trying to cram for the upcoming exams, but somehow it never felt like enough.

And the more she thought about it, the more stressed she became, feeling completely overwhelmed.

Her quill hovered over a sheet of parchment that was already covered with random scribbles and doodles, the result of her mind’s inability to focus. She had tried everything—studying in the library, working with friends, even attempting to review in the common room, but nothing seemed to stick. Her stress was mounting, and with each passing second, it felt like she was sinking further into a hole she couldn't climb out of.

"Y/N," a voice broke through her thoughts, soft and comforting.

She turned her head to see her boyfriend, Remus, standing nearby, leaning against the doorframe of the common room. His tired but kind eyes locked onto hers. He had been watching her from across the room for a while, noticing the way she kept fiddling with her quill, tapping it on the desk, her fingers twitching as if they couldn’t find a way to hold still.

"Hey," she said with a forced smile, trying to hide how frazzled she really was. "Sorry, I... I can’t focus. I’ve been trying, but it’s like my brain won’t let me. This isn’t going well."

Remus chuckled softly, walking over and sitting beside her. "Well, you’re not alone. I think every student in this room is feeling the same way. It’s hard to concentrate when you’re so stressed out."

She sighed deeply, resting her forehead on the cool surface of the desk. "I just… I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried everything. I feel like I’ve hit a wall, Remus."

He gently placed a hand on her back, rubbing soothing circles, a calming gesture that he knew would help her feel grounded. "I think you need a break."

Y/N blinked up at him, confused. "A break? Remus, I can’t afford a break. If I don’t study now, I’ll fail the exams."

He gave her an understanding smile, brushing a stray lock of hair out of her face. "I understand, but sometimes, when you push yourself too hard, your brain can’t absorb anything. It’s like trying to fill a glass with water when it’s already full. You need to let it settle before you can fit more in."

She hesitated, still unsure. "But I don’t know if I have time for that. I’m already so behind—"

"How about this?" Remus interrupted, leaning in closer so she could feel his steady presence. "Let’s take a break together. We can go for a walk around the grounds, get some fresh air, and then when you come back, I’ll help you with whatever you’re struggling with. It’ll be easier to focus once your mind is clear."

Y/N looked at him, torn between the urge to keep studying and the undeniable pull of his warm, calming presence. She had always felt better whenever he was around, and maybe, just maybe, he was right. She needed a moment to breathe.

"Okay," she said finally, pushing away from the desk and standing up. "But only for a little while."

Remus grinned and stood up, offering her his hand. "Deal. Just enough to clear your head."

They slipped out of the common room and made their way down to the courtyard, where the evening air was cool and crisp. The stars were beginning to appear in the sky, twinkling above the castle. They walked side by side in a comfortable silence, the crunch of leaves underfoot providing a gentle soundtrack to the night.

As they reached a secluded bench, Remus gestured for Y/N to sit first. She did, grateful for the moment of peace. Remus sat next to her, his presence like an anchor in the storm that was her mind.

"Better?" he asked softly, glancing at her with a kind smile.

Y/N nodded, though she didn’t speak immediately. The stillness of the night, the quiet rhythm of their breathing, seemed to calm her more than she’d expected. She realized how tightly wound she had been, and how little she’d allowed herself to breathe in the chaos of the school year.

"I’m sorry," she said after a long pause, her voice small. "I don’t mean to get so stressed out. I know it’s just exams, but I always feel like I’m not doing enough."

Remus looked at her gently, his eyes filled with understanding. "You’re doing more than enough, Y/N. The fact that you care this much about your studies shows how hard you’re trying. But you’re allowed to take care of yourself, too. You can’t pour from an empty cup."

She smiled faintly, leaning her head on his shoulder. "You’re always so good at making me feel better. Thank you."

He chuckled softly, wrapping his arm around her. "It’s the least I can do." He paused, his thumb brushing her hand. "But, you know, I’m not just saying this because I’m your boyfriend. You’re one of the smartest people I know. You’ve got this. Just take it one step at a time."

She closed her eyes, feeling a weight lift from her shoulders as his words sank in. For the first time in a while, she felt like maybe she could do this after all. Maybe she didn’t have to do it perfectly—she just had to keep going.

"Okay," she whispered, a bit more determined now. "I’m ready to get back to it."

Remus smiled at her, his eyes full of pride. "Good. And I’ll be here, every step of the way. We can go over your notes together when you’re ready."

They stood up, hand in hand, and walked back toward the castle, the stress of the evening suddenly feeling a little less daunting. With Remus by her side, Y/N knew she could face whatever came next.

☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:☆

[beybaldes]

*･゜ﾟ･* high key just procrastinating my essay but…*･゜ﾟ･*

sejanus plinth as your oblivious bestfriend

- this man is minding his own business too hard, like, doesn’t even take the fact you might like him as more then a friend as an option because he figured if it was, something would’ve happened by now (he’s deathly afraid of rejection)

- literally so happy to spend his entire life doting on you even if it’s just as your best friend

- you will literally walk around the academy holding his hand and press kisses to his cheek or forehead everytime you have to part ways and this man still thinks you’re ‘just friends’

- literally so beyond shocked when Coryo asks if the two of you are together and hits him with ten thousand questions about why he thought that

‘what do you mean, Coryo? Why would you think we’re together?’ Sejanus’s whole face had paled and his sandwich was getting crushed in his hand. What had Coryo seen that he hadn’t? Surely if anyone was going to notice something about you, it would be him, not Coriolanus.

‘they kissed you goodbye, Sejanus.’ Coryo scoffed, eyes rolling at his friends frantic behaviour. ‘And they definitely don’t do that for anyone else.’ Sejanus wanted to ask if Coryo was sure, but he couldn’t get the words out without becoming a stuttering mess. He’d never thought about it that way befriend.

- spends months waiting for you to reach for his hand before he takes initiative and does it for himself the first time, and you totally freak but are super good at hiding it. Sejanus just takes this as he was right you were only being friendly.

- Coryo starts getting more and more sick of it, and finally decided to intervene by concocting a plan that would make even the shyest and sweetest of people (Sejanus) confess

“but I don’t get why.” you stressed, not really understanding coryo’s ‘plan’ that was supposedly going to push you and Sejanus together. it made enough sense but you weren’t sure it would actually help anything, not when you weren’t going to get anywhere when Sejanus only liked you as a friend. “if you want me to kiss you goodbye as well Coryo, you could’ve just asked.”

“it’s not about that, what I’m trying to say-“ Coriolanus didn’t have time to finish his works as he noticed Sejanus coming around the corner and into the corridor the two of you were stood in. “Kiss me, kiss me now, quick.”

more then anything, you wanted to be with Sejanus, and if Coriolanus truly thought this would make that happen, then you were willing to give it a try. Leaning up onto the tips of your toes, you pressed a long kiss to his cheek, making sure Sejanus had seen it before you pulled away. The second your lips left his cheek, he ducked his head and forced a blush to his face, hoping it would make Sejanus jealous enough that he would act on his feelings. However, Sejanus never said a thing, instead giving a pointed glare to Coriolanus and grabbing your hand tightly, pulling you away from the scene of the crime. As you turned to look back at Coryo in confusion, he simply gave you two thumbs up and a wicked grin.

- after Sejanus sees you press a kiss to Coriolanus’s cheek when you’d never done that for anyone else but him, some kind of switch inside of him had flipped

- low-key made him realise he’d never felt like this before and that he definitely saw you as more then just his friend (but had no clue how to go about telling you that)

- so he continued holding your hands and accepting your cheek kisses but now he felt more confident returning them.

“okay, I’ll see you later.” Sejanus had pressed a fleeting kiss to your cheek then turned and left the lunch table without another word, mainly in an effort to hide his flushed face but also incase your reaction was not what he’d predicted.

Coriolanus let out a loud laugh as he looked at the scene before him, your hand ghosting over where he’d just planted a kiss on you and a star struck look in your eyes. “Sejanus just kissed you.”

“Sejanus just kissed me.” You repeated in a far off, airy voice, a bright smile curling on your lips. “Sejanus just kissed me!”

- things only continued to escalate from there

- and since you were now certain he returned your feelings, you knew the only way you’d be able to make him understand was to be completely straight forward with it (because anything otherwise would just go over his head)

- it’s a gloomy, winter, Monday morning when it happens

you march through the doors of the academy, standing tall and proud with the confidence that what you’re about to do is going to give you the one thing you’d only ever dreamed about. it helps that your pretty sure things are going to work out in your favour too.

you walk straight past everyone from you classes, ignoring calls of you name from classmates in search of homework answers and a particularly belligerent Felix Ravenstill, who you’re pretty sure is trying to ask you to be his date for the winter formal. no one mattered right now except Sejanus. But then again, when had they ever? So, you aimed straight for him, not noticing the way Coriolanus seemed to try and ask you something as you approached the two, only taking in Sejanus who turned around to face you with a bright smile and a loving, “Good morning!”

“Good morning.” You replied closing all distance between you as you cradled his face between your hands and brought his lips to yours in a kiss. Sejanus takes a long moment before he begins to reciprocate the kiss, but when he does he drops his note books to the floor in favour of gripping onto your waist and kissing you back harder.

When you finally pull away from him, Sejanus looks totally frazzled - hair mused and lips red, face flushed and a smile so wide that his cheeks hold deeper dimples than usual. “What was that for?” Half the academy is currently staring at the two of you but this time Sejanus doesn’t have the mind to care. “I don’t get-“

“I like you, so, so much.” You tongue darted out across your lips for a fraction of a second but it was enough for Sejanus to find his gaze upon your lips once more. He could lean forward and kiss you once again but he wanted to listen to what you had to say - he figured he’d quite like it. “I want to be yours, if you’ll have me.”

Sejanus doesn’t know the word for it right then and there but it’s love that he feels for you, and that he will feel for you until his very dying breath. “Without a single doubt I am yours.” He answers, leaning in to try and kiss you again, though you pulled away as he moved in trying to meet his eyes. “I already have been for a long time.”

you let him kiss you when he leans in again.

- if Coriolanus had been annoyed by you and Sejanus dancing around eachother, he found himself even more annoyed now that you two were actually together

- somehow more handholding and kisses then before??? and you won’t leave each other alone???

- previously, if you had a class Sejanus didn’t, you’d leave him with a kiss goodbye in the canteen, but now that you were together, Sejanus would spring out of his seat the second he noticed you were grabbing your things, barely saying goodbye to Coryo as he took your hand and offered to walk you to your class

- Coryo was definitely jealous he was third wheeling so much harder then before (though jealous of who, he couldn’t decide) but was glad he didn’t have to deal with the two of you being in denial at least

An: hope you enjoyed!! If even a single person wants me to write Sejanus as your oblivious boyfriend I will <33

[brodygold]

Liquid GOLD

Journal of Todd Halpern Spring Semester, 2025

January 15

First day of the drug trial. I’m feeling a mix of nervousness and excitement. This is my shot at making some easy money. The trial is for a drug called Liquid GOLD. Dr. Ellison, the lead scientist on the project, explained that it’s designed to boost energy, focus, and overall well-being. They’re really hyping it up as some revolutionary formula. Honestly, I don’t care about any of that—I just need the $1,500 stipend to help with tuition.

The instructions are simple enough: take one pill every morning with a glass of water and document any changes I notice. They even gave me this little notebook to record my thoughts and experiences. Took my first dose today, and so far, nothing’s changed. It’s just another normal day filled with studying, gaming, and avoiding the gym. I’m not expecting much, but who knows? Maybe this stuff will actually help me focus.

Anyways, I just took the first pill. They're kinda gross if I'm being honest. There's this golden liquid inside the pill that's almost acidic in a way? I don't really know how to describe it.

January 22

It’s been a week since I started taking Liquid GOLD, and I think I’m starting to notice some changes. My head feels clearer, like a fog has lifted. I’ve also been feeling this insane burst of energy. Usually, I’d crash after my afternoon classes, but now I feel restless, like I need to do something physical.

In a moment of madness, I went to the gym yesterday. I didn’t plan it at all. It just felt like the right thing to do. I only stayed for about half an hour, but I found myself enjoying it in a way I never have before. A bit weird for the guy who avoided PE like the plague in high school.

The strangest part? I feel good when I look in the mirror. My arms look a little bigger, and my posture is better. I don’t know if it’s real or just a placebo, but I’ll take it.

February 5

Wow, okay. It’s been three weeks now, and I can’t believe the changes I’m seeing. My body is transforming in ways I never expected. My arms are thicker, my chest is broader, and my waist is tighter. It’s like my muscles are waking up for the first time. Even my face looks different—more angular, less soft.

I’ve been spending more and more time in the gym. It’s not just a chore anymore; it’s become the highlight of my day. There’s something satisfying about pushing myself, lifting heavier weights, and seeing the progress. My old hobbies, like gaming and watching anime, don’t excite me as much anymore.

Mentally, things feel… different. My thoughts are quieter, more focused. I don’t get lost in overthinking or procrastination like I used to. It’s hard to describe, but it feels like my mind is streamlining itself, getting rid of all the unnecessary clutter.

February 19

Something’s definitely happening. It’s not just my body—it’s my mind, too. I feel so focused, so driven, but my priorities are shifting. Things that used to matter to me, like schoolwork or hanging out with friends, feel unimportant. Instead, I’ve been obsessing over routine.

Wake up.

Take my pill.

Work out.

Eat clean.

Sleep.

Repeat.

Clothing has become a weird fixation for me. I can’t stand how baggy my old hoodies and jeans feel. They don’t fit the new me. I’ve started wearing fitted shirts and athletic shorts. Today, I spent hours online looking at rubber gear—polo shirts, shorts, even gloves. I don’t know why, but I felt drawn to it.

Dr. Ellison called it “progress” when I mentioned this during my checkup. He said I’m adapting well to the trial. His words were comforting, even though I’m not entirely sure what he meant by “adapting.”

March 3

The changes are accelerating. My reflection in the mirror is barely recognizable. I’m massive now—broad shoulders, thick arms, sculpted abs. I never thought I’d look like this, and honestly, I’m not complaining.

But it’s not just about how I look. My thoughts are simpler now. Cleaner. I don’t worry about grades or what other people think of me. I’ve been finding satisfaction in following routines and staying disciplined. It’s like my mind is trimming away the excess, leaving only what’s necessary.

The strangest part is how natural this feels. I’ve stopped questioning why I’m drawn to certain things, like rubber clothing. I ordered a polo shirt and shorts made of shiny black rubber, and when they arrived, I felt this overwhelming urge to put them on. The way the material clung to my body was exhilarating. It felt like it was meant for me.

March 17

Obedience. That word has been stuck in my head all day. I used to think of obedience as something restrictive, but now it feels… freeing. There’s a comfort in knowing what’s expected of me and fulfilling that role.

During today’s checkup, Dr. Ellison introduced me to the concept of the Golden Army. He said that’s what this trial is all about—creating a team, a collective, a purpose. When he said I was almost ready to “serve,” I felt this rush of pride.

He gave me a new uniform: a shiny black rubber polo shirt and matching shorts. When I put them on, it felt like coming home. The snugness of the material, the way it shimmered in the light—it was perfect. He told me to wear it proudly, and I do.

April 14

It’s hard to put my thoughts into words now. Writing feels inefficient, clunky. My mind works differently—it’s all about action and purpose.

I have stopped thinking of myself as Todd. That identity has been erased. I am PDU-092, a loyal servant of the Golden Army. My uniform defines me. My purpose is simple: obey commands, serve the collective, and maintain perfection.

Everything is clearer now. I exist to follow orders, to train, to serve. There is no hesitation, no doubt. The Golden Army is strong. The Golden Army is eternal.

Transformation complete.

Identity secure.

Loyalty unwavering.

092 ready to serve. Disciplined. Focused. Controlled.

Journal of Brody Gold

April 14

Dr. Ellison has informed me that the trial drones have progressed smoothly, with a 100 percent conversion rate. Thanks to Liquid GOLD, or Gathering Obedient Loyal Drones, we have a new batch of polo drones at our command. With their blank minds and jacked bodies, they should be perfect servants both on and off the field.

Of course, more test subjects are required.

[choccy-milky]

Okay so I read your entire fic in three days and I LOVE IT!? ITS SO GOOD!?! I am supposed to be studying for finals and instead have spent 72 hours definitely not doing that. I originally got into your fic because I saw your drawings from different scenes and OH MY GOD THEYRE AMAZING. The way you draw Seb makes me want to bang my head on the table (in the best way ever)…that boy does things to me. The whole thing is just uGHHH chefs kiss amazing work love it love you amazing

AWW TYY IM GLAD YOU LIKED IT SM (ENOUGH TO BINGE IT AND IGNORE SCHOOL) AND THAT YOU LIKE HOW I DRAW SEB TOO💖💖😍😍😍

LMAOO but fr as a procrastinator and horrible student myself, im pleased with this theme of interfering with ppls schoolwork/thesis/whatever else to read my fic...im dragging yall down with me...just stop using your brain and enjoy sexy seb aha😜 (ILY TOO GOOD LUCK ON UR FINALS)

@jstfndmthngs omg thank you for such a long and in depth ask i hope u dont mind i just screenshotted it and cut it into 2 BAHAHA but THANK YOUU im glad youre enjoying it so far!! 🥹💖AND YESSS BAHAHA IVE ALSO BRAINWASHED YOU TO SEE SEB AND CLORA WHEN YOU SEE A BLONDE + BROWN HAIR COUPLE mission accomplished😈😈 and I LOVE THAT YOU DAYDREAM ABOUT SEB AND CLORA TOO!!! people thinking about your fic/art when theyre not actively reading it is the highest honour fr...😭🙏 AND BAHAHA I REMEMBER THAT COMMENT THREAD ABOUT LEANDER AND HIS LITTLE GARDEN PATCH LMAO and him and seb competing as neighbors/dads over who has the better yard...LMAO im putting in my oneshot that leander lives close by, i might try and find a way to allude to that if i can LMAOO speaking of IM GLAD YOURE LOOKING FORWARD TO THE ONESHOT 💖💖 ive been working on the outline every day the past few days and its 24k words AND THATS JUST THE OUTLINE😭😭LIKE DAWG i was planning on this oneshot to just be short and sweet BAHAHA but i forgot im fluent in yappanese...then i just kept thinking of cute pregnancy moments i wanted to add so it spiralled....BUT ANYWAY I HOPE I CAN FINISH IT SOON!!🙏 also im so impressed you only read 1 chap of my fic a day BAHAHA i admire the self restraint bc i could never...but i feel you with wanting to make things last. LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU CATCH UP!!🥳AND TY AGAIN!!💖💖

omg anon this is diabolical...at first i was imagining it as seb being the one caught in the time loop and going crazy, but i actually think its better if its clora... because the idea of seb watching her slowly spiral into semi-insanity while knowing its bc of some weird time shenanigans and he doesnt know how to help would also make SEB go crazy BAHAHAH. i dont think ill ever write this but i just wanted to tell u i love this idea LOL

aw TYYYYY!!! i’m honoured u think so omg😭🥹💖 you sent this a while ago (before all of the recent family posting ive been doing) BAHAHA so i hope youre enjoying the kid content bc u manifested it girl🥰 and trust me i aint doing work for the fandom, the fandom is doing work for ME!!! by continuing to humour my brainrotted ass😔🙏

"they're my legal parents now" followed by "so anyway can you draw them going down on each other" LMFAOOOOO💀💀💀thank you i love you anon. and i HAVE been wanting to draw this for a while so YES!! i just cant guarantee when...but the day SHALL come rest assured🫡😇

[thecherrytarot]

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

what do you need to let go of?

pile 1 → pile 2 → pile 3

Pick the photo you feel the most drawn to and please remember that this is a general reading so take what resonates!!

listen to: chamber of reflection by Mac DeMarco.

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏:

"No use looking out, it's within that brings that lonely feeling. understand that when you leave here, you'll be clear among the better men"

You need to let go of your fear of failure and accept the fact that mistakes are meant to teach you lessons the hard way. You need to let go of your limiting beliefs that were actually set by others for you. I'm getting the message that some of you want to move out of your house because you want to explore and learn more about this world but feel like your potential is being wasted by being stuck in your known surroundings. For some of you, this could be an overly protective parent figure who refuses to let you grow up (I hope this makes sense and doesn't sound too weird) and because of this you are stuck in a dilemma where you feel suffocated by the lack of freedom but at the same time, you doubt if you could achieve your dreams. Going back to the "being stuck in your surroundings" part, some of you might have even pretended to someone else to fit in just so you don't feel lonely and left out but I feel like the majority of you stopped this cause you realized that you were losing your true self to fit in with people who don't really care that much about you, just the person you pretended to be.

You need to let go of your habit of procrastination because you are afraid of the result. You are not only afraid of failing but also afraid of succeding and dealing with new, unknown experiences. You may feel like you are trapped in a situation which is beyond your control but deep down within you, you do know that you have the freedom to do what you want to do you just don't want to take the effort for it. You are holding yourself back from being the best version of yourself. Set boundaries and stand up for yourself assertively instead of stalling confrontations against the 'higher authority" who tells you that you can't do it.

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐:

"Spend some time away, getting ready for the day you're born again. spend some time alone, understand that soon you'll run with better men"

You need to let go of your habit of neglecting yourself for the sake of helping others, to please them so that they do not feel disappointed in you. You need to protect yourself and take care of yourself first and then think about others. Many of you might be the eldest (or have to act like the eldest) children who have a lot of responsibilities and do not have enough time to focus on yourself. I heard someone defending themselves by saying "But I do skin care" this is more than that. many of you could also put all your focus on how you look but neglect other areas such as your diet, mental and physical health etc. Regardless of what it is, the message is to prioritise yourself and give others the space and the freedom to grow on their own.

You need to let go of your habit of building up walls that separate you from the actual reality. You may have felt like you were born and raised in hell and now your feelings and emotions have altered your viewpoint of the world that you see. You may feel like numbing your emotions and desires you are keeping yourself safe. Many of you could use this as a defence mechanism because you were hurt in your past and are now afraid of the present uncertainties. You may feel like "if I don't bring in any change, I'll be safe" but the universe is telling you to bring in the change that a tiny part of you wants. It is asking you to stop denying and avoid changes because you are afraid that it might break the facade of your strength. Let go of the things that no longer benefit you.

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑:

"alone again"

(it was so difficult for me to get the messages cause the energy felt all over the place but the first message came out strong even though I feel like it is only for a certain number. i know the song is something else but I kept hearing Swing Lynn by Harmless so take however that resonates.)

You need to let go of your obsession with love/ future spouse readings. Sometimes you do not need to know every single detail about your future to feel a sense of control over the situation, confirmation of the future that you obsessively desire or whatever the reason is. There is no harm in reading them but there should be a limit, there are times when we are not meant to know something until it has happened and the best way to manifest something is the law of detachment.

You need to let go of your habit of struggling to say "no" even in situations you do not feel comfortable (like there are two cards indicating this) You need to assert your boundaries, needs and wants with confidence. You need to be honest with yourself and focus on prioritising your actual needs. Bringing discipline and action into your life will help you achieve your manifestation a lot faster than just simply waiting for it to arrive at your doorstep. This will help you bring the balance that you have always wanted. The other side of this is, that you need to let go of your fear of consequences, you may (sometimes unintentionally) give the 'decision-making' responsibilities to someone else so that if and when things go wrong you can blame someone else instead of yourself. It is important for you to take responsibility for your own actions and use them as opportunities to grow instead of feeling stuck in your self doubt.

You need to let go of numbing yourself from the discomfort and confront it. The wisdom, freedom and power that you search in others is already in you, just have to trust yourself and listen to it and give yourself an opportunity to grow. Reflect on your shadow self and learn to face your fears.

Please give feedback <3

[paperstorm]

Thanks for the tags @honeybee-taskforce and @whatsintheboxmh!

I have too many wips right now I keep bouncing back and forth and not giving any of them the actual focus they deserve but here's some sexual dysfunction from the 3x11 missing moment.

-

Carlos blinks up at the ceiling. His eyes sting.

“Babe?” TK asks, voice suddenly tentative as he picks up on the shift in energy that hangs in the room like a storm cloud over them.

“Gotta pee,” Carlos says, pushing the damp sheet away and getting up. He feels somehow more naked than usual as he walks around the edge of the bed and feels TK’s eyes on him, shutting himself in the bathroom and avoiding his own reflection in the mirror.

It wasn’t a lie, he’s surprised he lasted this long already, and he keeps his eyes closed and tries to breathe as he solves that problem. He rinses his hands with a near-painful churning in his gut, and wonders how long he can hide in the bathroom until TK figures out he’s doing more than using the toilet. Carlos splashes water onto his face and rubs wet hands over his hair, trying in vain to tame some of the wilder curls that sprung out at odd angles while he slept.

When he’s procrastinated as much as he can, he slides the door slowly open, and shouldn’t be as surprised as he is to see TK waiting patiently just on the other side of it. He’s halfway dressed – in boxers and a t-shirt – and Carlos tries not to let his anxious imagination derive more meaning from TK covering himself than TK intended. He tries, but it doesn’t work.

“Hey,” TK says softly, with a small, empathetic smile, like he already knows. He knows Carlos’s disgrace, can scan him like an X-ray machine.

“I’m sorry,” Carlos mumbles, unable to look TK in the eye as he burns in shame. “Are you okay?”

“What?” TK asks, head tilting in confusion that takes Carlos by surprise. He’d assumed he was made of cellophane and that TK could see right through him. “What are you sorry for?”

Carlos just shakes his head. TK steps in closer to him, backing him up against the sink. He grips TK’s hips in his hands but feels like even that comfort, he shouldn’t be allowed. He hasn’t earned it, and he’s stolen enough from TK already this morning. He’s supposed to protect this man, love him and take care of him, and instead …

“Carlos,” TK insists.

Sniffing and wishing he could draw his limbs into a hard outer shell like a turtle so he could hide from the world, Carlos admits, “I feel like … I used you.”

TK doesn’t respond for a moment. Carlos keeps his eyes laser focused on a spot on TK’s sternum where his delicate smattering of chest hair is soft and wispy. Eventually, TK asks, “Used what? What are you talking about?”

Carlos closes his eyes.

“Hey.”

“You’re gonna be sore later, and it’s my fault.” And it didn’t help, either. That part, Carlos is too ashamed of to even say aloud. He tore into TK hoping somewhere in the back of his mind that it might release some of the lingering tension and anger and heartache that’s swirling inside of him, but it’s all still there. In the end it was nothing but selfishness, and it didn’t make him feel any better.

“No,” TK says, his tone suddenly sharp. “No, you’re not allowed to think that. Take it back.”

“TK.”

“I mean it!” he snaps, jostling Carlos with his grip on Carlos’s cheeks. “I know you’re upset, I’m so sorry you’re upset, but I won’t let you do that. You didn’t hurt me, you didn’t do anything I didn’t want, you wouldn’t do anything I didn’t want. We both know that. I trust you, you’re not allowed to decide that I shouldn’t. I won’t let you do that to us.”

Carlos just mumbles his name again, wanting so badly to believe him but not sure he deserves this absolution.

“Take it back,” TK demands again, fierce and adamant. “I’m fine. More than fine, I feel great. We both like it rough sometimes, I know you know that.”

“It’s not the same,” Carlos mutters.

“The same as what?” TK questions, and when Carlos doesn’t answer, he says, “The only thing that’s wrong with me right now is that the man I love is hurting.”

His forehead bumps into Carlos’s when Carlos can’t bring himself to look at him. His thumbs stroke slowly along Carlos’s cheeks, and Carlos wants to melt into his soothing embrace exactly as much as he wants to push TK away from him and reject the comfort and forgiveness he’s so graciously offering.

Tagging @theghostofashton @birdclowns @reyesstrand @strandnreyes @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut

@carlos-in-glasses @actual-sleeping-beauty @thisbuildinghasfeelings @herefortarlos @heartstringduet

@tailoredshirt @goodways @alrightbuckaroo @lightningboltreader @freneticfloetry

@im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @liminalmemories21 @nancys-braids @chaotictarlos @lemonlyman-dotcom

@inkweedandlizards @bonheur-cafe @reasonandfaithinharmony @thebumblecee @never-blooms

@sanjuwrites @orchidscript @jesuisici33 @kiwichaeng @fallout-mars

@fifthrideroftheapocalypse @fitzherbertssmolder @safeashousespdf @just-inside-her @firstprince-history-huh

@captain-gillian @tellmegoodbye @anactualcaseofthetruth @ironheartwriter

Want to be added or removed from the list? Lmk

[flowery-language]

𓆩♡𓆪 STAY AWAY. Loser! Ellie Williams headcanons

a/n : I am struggling to start writing and stop procrastinating on writing the series I am working on so have some quick Ellie head canons while you wait also loser!Ellie is just regular Ellie and y’all aren’t ready for that conversation also it isn’t much sorry I’ve been struggling with procrastinating on writing got to put something out for the mean time

Inspired by seriously go read theirs @cowgirlcherrie and my one of my close friends mannerisms

Warnings/content: 18+ mentions of sex mostly fluff and also Ellie is a loser and cursing fingering!receiving masturbating and mentions of face riding

ੈ✩‧₊˚ you met loser!Ellie in Highschool and you bonded your intense overwhelming hatred for the people at your school over how much you hated everyone else here and that your the only person she could tolerate

“Everyone here are fucking npc’s with no capacity for thinking for themselves”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ Loser!Ellie definitely owns a women love me fish fear me shirt that she started wearing ironically until it wasn’t anymore

ੈ✩‧₊˚ she always had to make jokes about her nonexistent dick much to your annoyance she has the humor of twelve year old boy

“How about you suck 15 inch cock”

“You don’t have one” you exclaimed

“Fuck you mean women literally beg me to see it”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ loser!Ellie unironically loves family guy and American guy and and fucking loves Rick and Morty and Bojack horseman

“I know I am a lesbian but I would fuck rick Sanchez no questions asked”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ you and loser!Ellie bonded over your intense overwhelming hatred for chase Atlantic

“They sound like they are fucking singing in cursive”

“I know right thank you someone gets it”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ loser!ellie has the music taste of someone’s father and she is very unapologetic about it she listens to Radiohead, nirvana, slipknot, the cure and the Beatles. etc

“ you should listen to the cure”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ loser!Ellie got into an argument once with you because you said you liked Saturn more than Jupiter

“Jupiter or Saturn pick one”

“Uh—Saturn”

“Jupiter is fucking better”

“No it’s not I like Saturn better”

“You only like Saturn because it’s fucking pretty”

“No I don’t”

“Yes you fucking do”

“Whatever”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ loser!Ellie cannot flirt with women for shit she just infodumps to them and hopes her info would get them to like her and wanna be with her and she is lucky that she is attractive enough to pull it off

ੈ✩‧₊˚ when loser!Ellie started to develop a crush on you she would do favours and constantly try to impress you she once took you to skater park to show you the tricks she was learning she ended up falling flat on her face because she was too busy staring into your eyes and she had the biggest blush on her face when you laughed at her for it.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ By the time Loser!Ellie developed feelings for you she would go above and beyond because suddenly the concept of helping others was completely uninteresting until it was you you got your heart shattered by another girl and all she could think of is that she would never treat you that way ever.

“It’s just that I wished that she didn’t string me along for a month and actually rejected me instead of telling me she liked me back when she didn’t”

“I swear when I see that fucker in my line of vision it won’t be pretty you deserve better than her anyway you were out of her league”

“Honestly I am starting to think maybe it’s because I am not attractive enough for girls to want me”

“Don’t fucking say that you were out of her league you will find someone who treats you so good ”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ loser!Ellie always wants you to try smoking weed with her even though you very much didn’t like taking drugs or being high it’s mostly because you make her so nervous and if she was high with you she could maybe try to flirt with you without fumbling her words and not looking you in the eye.

“Come on try it for me it feels really good I promise”

“Yeah no thanks Ellie”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ she knew that she couldn’t keep this to herself anymore she wanted you and Every time you tried to date someone else it made her genuinely sick to her stomach.

“ oh fuck saying this shit isn’t easy but I gotta say it I like you okay I really really do”

“Your fucking with me right now if your joking Ellie it’s not funny”

“I am not joking I fucking do okay”

“Wait your not”

“Of course I am not”

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ NSFW section

ੈ✩‧₊˚ you are always the first person she thinks of when she gets high late at night she has to resist the urge to call you over her hand in her boxers.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ Loser!Ellie has a happy trail.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ she loves it when you ride her face and not just hovering she wants you to sit on it at first you were really nervous and insecure but she was a having the time of her life and Everytime you do hover she would beg you sit properly

“Babe please just sit stop fucking hovering”

ੈ✩‧₊˚she loves it when you ride her thighs she loves the sensory experience of you riding it and when you ride her fingers she always wishes to be inside you and feel it when you ride it

ੈ✩‧₊˚ she is obsessed with you wearing her clothes especially her boxers she loves giving them to you

“You’re gonna run out of boxers to wear if you keep this up”

“I don’t fucking care”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ she loves you to death and will not hesitate to show it off she always loves mentioning you much to literally everyone’s annoyance.

“My girl is getting a PHD is so smart”

“This reminds me my girlfriend really loves these flowers I gotta get them”

[senkusphone]

I may not be in this picture posted by @ DisAnimeBeetch on twitter but the Dragos are my own hand crafted ones, commissioned by them back in June or so, and sent across the world.

(Procrastination hits hard and I can't access the actual post anymore, it might have been deleted) It's really nice to see my work go so far and be enjoyed by people I haven't even met As I posted long ago, these dragos are unique pieces made with a hand carved wood block I made a few years back

Here's a few of them; though they ordered 45 I ended up sending 50 including misprints and some extras to make up for a bunch of them being the wrong color (blue instead of red as I ran out of ink).

As the new ink mixed with the previous one it produced a whole range of purplish and grey colors which I think was pretty cool

Went all out with the packaging too, check out my pinned post if you want to see how to make that Kingdom of Science stencil

Incidentally, just after I dropped off the package at the post office, I turned around the corner half a block down the street and happened upon a little stand on the sidewalk with a fella selling miscellaneous items including this

For a while I had been hoping to eventually meet a dcst fan willing to sell me something in exchange for dragos. This wasn't quite it, but I'd say it's close enough for the time being, as part of the commission money went to this (pretty much exactly 600 dragos if you are wondering, considering part over total) And I know it's a counterfeit, but it was pretty cheap. She can stand on the shelf holding a tiny vacuum tube in place of her missing knife.

I'll make my own Kohaku eventually, just like Suika (haven't been procrastinating on it since 2021, I assure you)

(Not to scale)

[lets-try-some-writing]

Help, I am getting stuck in this cycles over and over without actually finish any story that I want to write.

I get ideas or AU that make me interested to write -> realising that i need to lay down some setting or background to make story worked, so I started plotting -> executive dysfunction/ procrastination kicking in because I have trouble of putting ideas in my head into paper and due ‘perfectionism complex’ I get boggled by detail -> I stared at empty document for several day -> I lost interest and motivation in writing for several day/week -> cycle started over again.

I can’t exactly force myself to write because it will extend the period of “I stared at an empty document for several day -> I lost interest and motivation in writing for several day/week” to months. Any suggestion how to deal with this cycle?

I do actually have some suggestions! I have several, in fact.

One: If you are suffering from creative burnout after being overwhelmed, try just giving it a break. I know this is the simplest option, but seriously, step back and engage with some new media for a few minutes. You may get ideas, or at any rate, your mind will have the chance to unwind for a bit. And do know, that sometimes some things do just have to cook. I've left fics for months at a time and come back with a banger chapter after letting it be and getting my mind sorted out for a while first. If you really love it, you'll be back eventually.

Two: Play into that need to make it right by hyperfixating on ONE aspect of the thing you are working on. It may sound counter productive, but I've found that by bunkering down with one specific detail or plot piece or even bits of the lore, it can actually help spiral out into other subjects that need to be addressed. Like, while working on lore for an au, it can get really overwhelming to think about ALL of the world. So instead, I'll pick one character, one time period, one plot point. Then, I'll expand on that one thing until it starts to tie in with other points. From there, I'll just move from point to point, connecting the pieces of the web. Here's an example:

Premise > supporting premise > supporting premise > tie in lore.

Starscream is Winglord of Vos > He was forced into the position and separated from his brothers > He is a brilliant leader but bitter because of his role > He joined up with Megatron after Vos burned in a need for revenge.

Once you hit the tie in lore, you can swap focus to begin working on the other character or subject. This will help you tie everything together in a cohesive manner (at least it helps me). Being able to make everything connect up may fight that feeling of being overwhelmed.

Three: Talk to someone about it. I cannot stress enough how brilliant some of my friends have been in helping me refine a concept. Find a willing victim Friend, and tell them about your concept. Let them give you feedback and ideas. The more fun you both have, the better. More thoughts and ideas will give you more to play with. And if nothing else, even if you don't continue with the idea, you won't feel quite as defeated because you got to talk about it.