#it’s literally on lined paper with a bad pencil

[vegasporschetruther]

absolutely insane abt this by @poorly-drawn-mdzs

[itachiiwrites]

𐙚 𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐂𝐊𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐄¡!

cw. 18+ flithy smut, Sub!Gojo, Dom!Reader, Enemies to lovers, gojo is a virgin and the word loser is used a lot.

AcademicRival!Satoru believed he'll have a merry time getting paired with you for your upcoming assignment, afterall, you were fun to pick on and he adored the way the vein would pop on your forehead after he says something to completely throw you off the tracks. His plan was to make you do all the work while he gets on your nerves to pass his time.

Satoru prides himself in being jack of all trades, he's the captain of the collegiate basketball team, student body president, has 4.0 GPA in his astrophysics major and is on the dean's list, his stunning good looks were to kill for and to add to those never ending positive attributes he's filthy rich, if it wasn't so obvious by his sports car's raging engine whenever he drifts it around in the campus. Gojo Satoru was a star. Gojo Satoru was game.

Admirers and people lining up for him was no big of a deal, it is the routine when you're him. You're one of the many people who find him fascinating, find him attractive (which was something you would never admit to, even if a ceiling fell over you) but still, why was he shaking his legs underneath the table while he watches the furrow of your brow focused on the screen in his dorm room? He's way too distracted to read this paper about Aesthetics and Marxism—he only took up sociology because it was a humanities requirement within his course and also because he was utterly, out of his mind bored.

Feeling the burning gaze of his abnormally blue eyes, you slam your fist onto the table and anyone who was in their right mind would be able to decipher that your expression was twisted in unfiltered annoyance, the mask of a small, pleasant smile as your veins popped on your forehead was failing miserably. "We could get a lot done if you didn't think this was a staring contest"

"Wow, really? I did think it was a staring contest with how boring all this is" He mocked knowing it would only agitate you further, his eyes shamelessly trailed over the plushness of your thighs and how the skirt fabric sat on top of it, his thoughts were digressing, wondering about the colour of your pant—

"What are you looking at, pervert..?" You point it out to break the unholy chain of his thoughts immediately, his eyes widened by being caught off-guard, evading away to focus on the papers in front of him, lasering his eyes to aim at understand at whatever 'Russian constructivism' meant, his fist gripped the pencil tighter and tighter as he felt unbelievably panicked at being caught, the trance of embarrassment breaking away along with a sharp 'snap' of the pencil.

With a faltering attempt to maintain his cockiness, Satoru looked at you. "Just looking at how much of a loser you look, even broke a pencil because it's annoying how nerdy you dress" a painful roll of his eyes followed by, but his ventures to cover the way he felt were too poor and what was the parameter? The goddamned seductive smile on your pretty lips.

Gojo Satoru was game, but he was a fucking virgin.

"Lying is not going to save your ass, I can literally see the tent in your pants, what are you..a teenager..?" The mockery in your eyes and the superiority you had over him in that very moment was enough to make him let go of his guards and feel his knees buck. You were beautiful and he was so pathetically down bad for that.

"Unlike you, I have many things to excel at..who has time for something as stupid as this anyway" You had to give some kudos for the fact that his voice remained balanced despite the throbbing erection in his pants, and you made a face with slanting pursed lips that was to show him you believed him, although anyone could tell you didn't.

"what is with that face? You think you're better than me? What do you know about sex, having your cute nose burried in those stupid books all day.." And that statement makes you raise your brow, Satoru Gojo, called you cute? This was something, this was when he knew he messed up and you had all the power.

"Why don't I show it to you then? You wanna be a loser in this one area? Come on.. you're better than that, right?" Satoru gulped, the offer was beyond tempting, all those fantasies he ran his mind for while wrapping his hand around his cock in his dark dorm room, relieving himself while yearning for the warmth for your mouth and cunt—finally had the chance to be fleshed out to life. It was tempting indeed but what about his ego?

"Sure, I bet you suck at this too" He huffed a laugh with his faux confidence, only to be miserably proved wrong within a few minutes.

"Please— fuck! Your mouth feels so good.." He breathed heavily with an almost violent rise and fall of his chest, his legs sprawled wide as he was on the couch of his room and you, his beautiful arch-nemesis was skillfully using his cock like it was your personal toy. Satoru didn't feel he was being sucked off for his pleasure, he was being sucked off to be proven of the fact that you were in control here.

He reached his trembling hands to tangle within your locks as you let a thick glob of your spit fall onto his tip with a grin, tantalisingly rubbing it on your glossed lips. "Better than your stupid fist right?" And he moans at that degradation, his eyes marbeling with glassy tears, your pride swelled more than anything.

"Ever seen tits in real life? Or are you that much of a loser to have Inoue Waka as your wallpaper.." You teased further, unbuttoning your blouse and unfastening your bra from the front to spill out your breasts and Satoru's brain simply short circuits the moment the cushiness of your tits gather around his cock and he feels the tightening sting on his abdomen, dripping out loads of his cum onto your tits, painting you like the masterpiece you were with thick ribbons of his ejaculate.

You hum, licking a long strip from his base, swirling your hot tongue around his softening, sensitive frenum as he is limp by the pleasure.

"There's no way you're this good.." He spoke, almost sounding as if something unbelievable happened, almost angry.

"Such a good boy 'Toru.." You giggle in response, kissing his abdomen and he feels pathetically, helplessly in love with you.

Gojo Satoru was game, but you were a roulette.

[canthelpit0]

Silent

Pairing: Matt x reader

Wordcount: 1.8k +

Summary: you’ve always quietly watched the triplets, silently wishing you could be a part of a group like them. Until you and Matt talk for the first time…

Warnings: selective mutism, anxiety, crying, angst, praise, no use of y/n, no oc

(Disclaimer: I’m not mute in any way. This was a request from an anon that I accidentally deleted. Hope you like it ! Requests are open)

I developed selective mutism pretty early on. My mom says that I didn’t talk even back in kindergarten.

But it’s been years now.

I can talk, and I can’t shut the fuck up for the life of me. I talk a lot, even have full conversations with myself.

Just not at school, or around new people. God, especially not in school.

It’s not like I want to be the ‘ weird’ mute kid. I would love to talk and make friends, I just physically can’t open my mouth and talk.

It even took months for me to utter simple words to my therapist, tho by this point I’ve known her for years and I’m pretty comfortable.

There are these triplets in my grade. We’ve always gone to the same school, but I don’t think they ever noticed me.

Well the first time I noticed them was in first grade, because there were three of them. Of corse my six year old self didn’t understand the concept of multiples back then, and I really wanted to ask, and talk to them. I really thought they were cool.

The first time I interacted with any of them tho was when I was in fourth grade and Nick had asked to use my dark green pencil since he only had light green and needed both dark and light.

Back in fourth grade I wasn’t just selectively mute, but also really shy. So I’d just looked down and stared at the desk giving him a small nod.

In freshmen year I shared a class with Nick again, he asked me for a pen, wich I gave to him.

Despite not having talked to him once in my entire life, he remembered my name. Wich isn’t too shocking since we’ve always been around each other, I was just kinda in the shadows.

He actually gave me that pen back. Most other people would’ve forgotten and just taken it, but Nick didn’t and I appreciated that.

I only ever interacted with Nick those two times. despite sharing a few classes with both Chris and Matt over the years, I’ve probably never even held eye contact with either of them.

I’ve been watching everyone.

Bullying isn’t really a thing. Sure there were some hurtful comments by jocks here and there but it really wasn’t as bad as in the movies.

Besides I think most people forget i even exist so they don’t even bother bullying me.

I’ve had my eye on Matt for a while. Not in a weird way. But Matt seems to pretty obviously have anxiety too. I don’t know if he’s open about it, I’m not in his friend circle.

But every time I’m feeling overwhelmed and we’re in the same room, I unconsciously glance at him to see if he feels the same or if I’m just going crazy.

Chris seems to be the loudest and most extroverted one. And while yes, Nick seems pretty extroverted too, Chris seems more… random? Bold?

I sulk in the back of the class my lips pulled into a tight line as I try to get myself together.

There is literally no reason for me to be feeling like this. Honestly no one has tried to talk to me today, nothing happened, I just feel so overwhelmed.

I raise my hand just slightly. I make eye contact with the teacher. Mrs. Evans. I literally love her, she’s so kind.

Her son is apparently mute too.

When I was diagnosed with selective mutism they thought it’d be a great idea to make me learn sign language just in case, and that’s just what I did.

Since Mrs. Evans son is mute, her son, as well as her and her husband also learned sign language.

So whenever I needed something I could sign to her. Not that I wouldn’t be too embarrassed too.

Our eyes lock. Everyone was working on some paper I should also be doing, but I’m too busy hyperventilating.

I let my hand drop on my desk and glance at the door quietly asking if I can go to the nurses office since I was too tired and ashamed to sign it to her.

She gives me a pitying smile but nods. I hate pity, but then again that’s better than getting told im faking.

I look around the class of students. I get up, as quiet as I can. I pack up my little stuff and quietly walk to the front of the class. I nod in appreciation and walk outside.

I stare at the ground while I walk down the hallway. I sigh.

I feel my eyes start to water and I bite the inside of my cheek.

Honestly I should probably go to the nurses office to get checked out, just so I can leave. But I don’t think I can handle communicating with another human.

I feel like I’m about to break down. I continue to walk down the hallway clutching the straps of my bag harshly.

I consider if driving home even is a good idea seeing as I’m about to have a mental breakdown. Or-

Suddenly I bump into someone.

I close my eyes trying not to cry right then. I don’t know who I bumped into but I want to apologize, but I know that I can’t, and since I don’t know who I bumped into I don’t know if it’s someone who’ll be mean about it or-

I’m taken off guard by a gentle brush to my upper arm.

“You’re good, it’s okay” I hear a soft voice say. I can feel my lip quivering, I feel like if I open my eyes the tears brimming at my waterline will actually fall.

“can you open your eyes?” It sounds more like a question, and that voice sounds painfully familiar but I can’t quite place it.

I want to tell him that I can’t, that I’ll cry if I do and I’ll feel even more embarrassed. But my curiosity takes over me.

So I slightly blink open my eyes. I don’t open my eyes fully, just enough to see the person through my tears.

It’s Matt, looking down at me all concerned.

I blink my eyes open. at the sight I watch his expression relax just slightly.

He himself looks overwhelmed, and honestly I don’t know if it’s because of how I’m acting, or if he had a shitty day himself.

“You okay?” He sighs slightly. I watch as he licks his lips and swallows thickly.

I take in another deep breath trying to calm down. I nod just slightly, but while I do the tears in my eyes finally spill.

I feel my hot tears run down my face. Matt’s eyes immediately widen and his mouth opens slightly like he thinks it’s his fault.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, no please don’t cry.” He holds up his hands in front of my face as if he wanted to wipe my tears away but was holding himself back because he didn’t know my boundaries.

He looked miserable, like he was about to cry himself. And I just know that something this wouldn’t have him emotional like this on a normal day. At least I don’t think it would. But he seemed to be overwhelmed as well.

I scrunch my nose slightly sniffling in response. I glance back up at him and the sorrow in his eyes makes me want to sink into myself. I breathe out shakily.

Before I know it I’m bringing my hands up to my face and covering it. I tilt my head forward trying to stop crying, because crying in the school halls is just pathetic.

“I’m sorry. Fuck- can I touch you?” I hear his frantic voice. I appreciate that he asked first. I want a hug, but then again I don’t know Matt. But he just seems so genuine.

I overthink not responding to his question. My thoughts spiral at the sound of the sweet nothings and apologies leaving his mouth, only being back round noise.

Matt seems to notice that I’m starting to spiral. I feel his hand tenderly touch my wrist. I flinch slightly, and as soon as I do I feel him retract his hand.

Everybody deals with anxiety differently, some people like to be physically grounded others liked to be comforted some other way and I just knew that Matt was trying to figure out what to do without overstepping.

I’d tell him that it’s okay, or that he can hug me, but I literally can’t speak and I feel too embarrassed to let him see my teary face.

“I’m sorry, I’m-“ I hear Matt let out a breath. I know an anxiety breath when I hear one, he is panicking.

I decide to bite the bullet, what’s the worst that can happen. I look up slightly and peak through my fingers.

His hands are up and frozen. He looks almost frantic, Matt looks like the only way he knows how to ground me is by hugging me or something, but he seems unsure if that’s okay.

Despite myself I let out a little nod. Matt lets out another breath but this time he actually touches me, and I don’t flinch.

He holds my wrist and gently pulls my hands off of my face.

I let out a shaky sigh. I can’t help it when I let my head fall forward.

“It’s okay.” He says sweetly under his breath. He puts his hand under my chin as he picks my face up. Our eyes lock. I see the way Matt is also crying, tears running down his face too and I relax just a little.

He never seemed like the type to make fun of someone for crying, but especially not now.

“You wanna go to my car?” He says softly, not in a way where he is forcing me to do anything, but rather offering.

And honestly as upset as i am I have to weigh my options. Would I rather cry in the school hallways or in Matt’s car?

The best option would be to go to the bathroom, but Matt wouldn’t be able to come with, and honestly I would feel too bad leaving him alone at this point.

So I nod.

I feel Matt’s arm go around my shoulders as he hugs me for a moment. He turns me, and starts walking in a way where his arm is still around my shoulder keeping me close to him.

We walk out to the parking lot. I watch as Matt unlocks the car and opens the door for me to enter.

And by this point, if I go out this way so be it…

Before i can even register Matt is also getting into the backseat next to me.

We just look at each other for a moment. He breathes out another anxiety sigh.

“You want a hug?” And with that I don’t really know if he’s asking for me, or to comfort himself. But regardless I nod.

I feel his arms come around me and I sink into the feeling of his hug.

I’m uncertain if by tomorrow he’ll act like this all never happened, or if he’ll try to get to know me, because I’ve been wanting to know him for a while and I would more then gladly let him.

Masterlist

A/n: I know this is really short and I’ve been uploading a lot of angst recently. But I’ve been feeling sad, and every time I do write smut it’s for Kinktober. Soon you’ll get smut tho. Also this ended up a lot like crybaby. <3

‼️please don’t copy my work/idea‼️

Taglist: @muwapsturniolo , @sturnad , @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 , @evie-sturns , @me09love , @fratbrochrisgf , @spideylovin , @chrissgirlsstuff , @stunza , @whicked-hazlatwhore , @sturniooolos , @ecliphttlunar , @orangeypepsi , @klaus223492 , @char112244 , @sst7niolo , @slut4chriss , @mattsturniololoverr , @th3-3d3n-g4rd3n , @st7rnioioss , @t1llysblogs , @nonat-111 , @blahbel668 , @rockstarchr1s , @sturnsintrouble , @nayveetbhh , @tillies33ssss , @sturncakez , @strnilo , @somegirlfromasgard , @mattslovelygf , @sturnsmaeve , @sturnstvr , @lucianastrun , @jnkvivi , @jamiesturniolo , @chr1sgirl4life

[laudanine]

How to make a back-patch: Hancock edition

Hey guys! So the tutorial for the Hancock patch is here! So the standing rule on this patch is "you can use my art and make your own, but you are not permitted to make money off it." But man, make your own, go nuts!

Steps 1 to 5 are mostly about how I made the image itself. Steps 6 to 9 are about making a patch once you have your final image. Skip ahead if you need!

So here's the supplies I personally use for these patches -

Tulip fabric paint, black and white

Talc powder

Charcoal powder

Tracing paper

Paintbrush

Fine-tip squeeze bottles

Fabric

My computer

Tape

A thumbtack

A pencil

And to be clear, these are NOT the only options. I've done this with black or white acrylic paint instead of fabric paint, it works fine. If you don't want to bother with the squeeze bottles you can use a paintbrush instead. If you don't have talc powder, cornstarch would work. If you can't find powdered charcoal, you can crush some up like I did, or use graphite, or literally whatever. You get the idea.

If you're going to be using the fine-tip squeeze bottles, now is the time to put your paint (fabric or acrylic) into the bottles and thin them with water to your level of comfort. You WILL need to test the paint on some fabric first, to be sure you can apply it evenly and that it flows well. If you're going to use acrylics, I highly suggest you add a drop of retardant to the mix ALONG with water.

2. I find my images for the figure I'm drawing. Yes, we're tracing: this ain't fine art and we're not gonna be snobs. Here we have John Hancock from the game and John Hancock IRL Danny Shorago.

3. I trace my images! You may notice my two reference images are the same pose! I'm gonna trace the first one by taping my paper over my computer screen and drawing LIGHTLY.

When I had the basics for Danny's proportions down, I left the paper where it was and moved the image of Hancock underneath the paper and traced what I needed from that image. That gets me this double-layer image.

4. I decide which of these lines I want to keep. Even with the faces for John and Danny lined up proportionally the shoulders and neck length of the two figures are pretty different. I decided that I wanted to go with narrower shoulders, and free-handed in the ruffles for his shirt.

5. Now I merge the two faces. I have to get the skin texture from John onto the face I have, which is mostly Danny. I kept up a whole screen of reference images for this process so I could decide what I wanted to pull from where.

And I leaned hard into the skull for his cheekbones and nose. You can see I actually used a colored pencil to outline those skull-like elements before I chose my final lines, and used another piece of my own darn art to add a chin scar I just really like. It is NOT a bad idea to trace a SECOND COPY of this image AT THIS TIME. Your image will be getting really dirty and messed up in the future, so unless you want to start over, you should make a spare copy (spoiler: I didn't do that and had to do this whole thing a second time to make a second patch...)

6. Align your fabric and your tracing paper up and tape first the fabric down THEN the paper on top, separately.

7. Poke holes! Use your thumbtack to poke holes along the lines you're trying to transfer. The way I'm doing this patch most of the image is white lines on black fabric, with SOME black lines on white for his face, neck, and shirt. For that reason, my transfer process is gonna be in TWO parts, one to lay down the white portions and then later to put the black lines ON TOP of the white areas as needed. I don't have a photo for this step: poke holes, you know how to do that.

8. Apply talc/powder to the image and use a paintbrush to gently brush the talc over the surface. You can use the brush perpendicular to the surface to GENTLY push the powder into the holes from the thumbtack holes.

9. Peel off the paper GENTLY. As you can see, I didn't even poke holes for the lines in his face, just the outlines for what's going to be painted in white. What you have is a little connect-the-dots to apply white paint to.

10. Apply white paint and allow to DRY COMPLETELY.

11. Once the white paint it TOTALLY DRY you're going to repeat steps 7 to 9, poking holes in the locations that you want to have BLACK lines appear. For me that's the details on his face and shirt. Instead of talc, the powder I used was crushed vine charcoal. You can see I'm starting to apply the black paint along the lines of black spots of charcoal.

12. Add, like, words and stuff! Also clean up, and fine tune, etc. You did awesome, and if it didn't turn out, well you DEFINITELY made a spare copy like I suggested you do in step 5, right?!?! Right.

Some notes:

This process also works on tee shirts if you want, but definitely use the fabric paint and not acrylics or the paint will flake off when you wash the clothing. Instead of taping the shirt down, I suggest you thumbtack it to a board or to some thick cardboard to keep it still while you work.

If you don't have a computer/screen you can trace on then print the images you want to work with and tape them to a window to use as alight-box.

You don't need to use the charcoal, honestly. If the design is simple or you're feeling like a BAMF, you can skip the black paint and the black powder and just use the negative space of the black fabric instead.

Tracing, and I cannot say this clearly enough, is not cheating when you're not tracing someone else's art. Trace a face. Trace a figure. Trace a landscape. I don't care. If you're tracing any image, you're going to need to do a lot of work to make your shitty traced image (my step 3) into something that looks like art (my step 5). That act of work, that's making art. Congratulations.

If you made it this far and REALLY want to donate money to me over this, don't! Maybe donate to the Palestine Children's Relief Fund instead at pcrf.net because that'd be SUPER cool.

Hope some or all of this helped someone somewhere be a cool punk badass like everyone's favorite Mayor.

[apomaro-mellow]

Two in the Bush 4

Part 3

Steve was spiraling and only Robin and a tub of peanut butter chocolate ice cream was keeping him from completely going down the drain.

“Tell me there’s something out there that cools my loins.”

“That’s what suppressants are for”, Robin said. “Or a water gun filled with ice water.”

“No and nope”, Steve wagged a spoon at her. “I’m serious! They almost had me with the crib. The one thing I never EVER wanna be is someone who’s still screwing around with their baby daddies.”

“So you’re declaring celibacy?”

“No I’m…I’m still gonna screw around just-”

“Not with the father of your child?”

“It’s tacky, Robs.”

“Your brain is a maze that I do not want to traverse. But basically, you’re saying you don’t want to fall for them and you need reminders why not.”

“Yes! Thank you!”

Robin scooped some ice cream into her mouth and then took out some paper and a pencil. She wrote Eddie and Billy’s names on top and then drew a line down the middle. Then she slid it across the kitchen table to Steve.

“Here, a cons and cons list.”

He tilted his head. “Isn’t it supposed to be pros and cons?”

“You’re supposed to be reminding yourself why you don’t wanna bond with either of them. Not convincing yourself the opposite.”

Steve stuck his spoon into the bucket and got to writing. There were a million reasons why neither alpha could be trusted for child-rearing. No matter how hot and sexy they were, that fact remained. So Steve spent the next few scoops jotting down everything wrong and bad and unattractive about Billy and Eddie and there was quite a bit.

Steve honestly wasn’t even planning on telling them about the list but then Billy had to call him and ask him out for drinks.

“I’m pregnant.”

“No one said anything about alcohol.”

“You and I have literally never gone drinking without alcohol.” And half the time they’d gotten shit-faced but Steve wasn’t going to add that.

“Come on, let’s go out. You know you want to. The smoothie place down the street from you. I’ll be waiting.”

And before Billy could hang up and have the last word, Steve rushed out. “FinebutI’minvitingEddie!” Then HE hung up.

About half an hour later, Steve walked into the establishment with Eddie in tow, who had one hell of a shit-eating grin. Steve rolled his eyes as he sat down at the table Billy was at. It was bright and peppy in the smoothie shop. A different setting from the bar Billy worked in or the car shop Eddie was employed by.

“You know, we don’t have to do everything as a trio”, Billy said.

“This coming from the guy who tried to start a threesome after delivering my crib”, Steve griped.

“Which you were totally into”, Billy shot back.

“I’m so glad you started with that because I feel less bad about giving you both this.” Steve laid the list out before getting up to order himself a smoothie. By the time he got back, both alphas looked like they wanted to riot.

“I don’t take care of my hair? You really put that as a con?”, Eddie looked close to ripping up the paper.

Steve shrugged. “My baby’s gonna have good hair and it needs to be taken care of.”

“You didn’t mention how well I take care of my hair”, Billy said, leaning back in his seat.

“This is a con list, not a pro list”, Steve said. “And as you can see, there’s a lot there.”

“You put ‘daddy issues’ and ‘hasn’t talked to dad in years’. That’s the same thing”, Eddie slammed the paper down.

“You put daddy issues for me too”, Billy pointed out. “And this is starting to feel like a glass houses situation.”

“There is a spectrum of daddy issues and at least I’ve seen mine in the past year”, Steve said. “And it’s totally fine that you haven’t Billy”, he added quickly before the other could retort.

“Okay but ‘hasn’t worked anywhere longer than a year’ feels like it can go under ‘daddy issues’.”

“It also feels like that shouldn’t matter, I don’t know”, Eddie added. “So long as you’re employed.”

“Look. You guys wanted tangible, air-tight evidence for why you shouldn’t be fathers and I wrote it all down.” Steve took a long sip, daring them to challenge it.

“You gotta know by now this won’t work, right?”, Eddie grinned.

“We’ll see”, Steve said, taking another sip. “But for now. I don’t care to get a call from either of you, booty or otherwise, until you start working on yourselves.”

With that last word, Steve got up and walked out, feeling their eyes on him the whole time. Eddie nearly twisted his body to do so and when he turned back around to Billy, he saw that he’d been caught. Obviously.

“I was uh-”

“Hey, no shame. He’s the one who said ‘booty’ of course we’re gonna look.”

Eddie cleared his throat and looked down at the list again. “So we’re crossing everything off this, agreed?”

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.”

“Alright, I gotta ask. What exactly is your stake in all of this?”, Eddie asked. Billy had helped with the crib, but he didn’t seem particularly excited about the prospect of having a kid.

Billy shrugged. “Steve was dead on about one of these things. My dad’s a fucking asshole and the fact I haven’t seen him in years is better for his health. ‘Cause I’m gonna kill him the next time I see him.”

…. “Okay, I’m starting to get why Stevie doesn’t want you near his pup.”

“If it’s mine, I wanna do right by it”, Billy finally admitted. “You?”

Eddie fiddled with the paper and sighed. “I really, really like Steve. And my dad wasn’t the best either. If I can break the cycle, then Steve’s the one I wanna break it with.”

“Then we’re agreed.”

“Operation: Make Steve Eat His Own Words is a-go!”

Part 5

[huellitaa]

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚girly girl's guide to journalling 🩰 ๋࣭ ⭑

˚₊‧꒰ა benefits of journalling ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

• helps to regulate emotions

• understand yourself better

• a fun pass time! ♡

• analyse you, your habits, thoughts, etc

• de-stresses, relieves & relaxes

• productive & away from social media

• gives you control over something

• a way for you to get everything out, big or small, good or bad ♡

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ chapter 1: beginnings

ok! so journalling is mentioned a lot in the girlblogger, wonyoungism, self growth, loa etc etc side of tumblr but when i actually took that advice started it was really really daunting and i procrastinated it for aaaages. so this is here to help you start a fun girly hobby that will help you out on your journey 🩷🎀

♡ the most important thing when beginning ur girl journal is figuring out its purpose. is it to plan, is it to document, is it for healing, is it for personal development, is it for manifestation, is it to glow up, is it for creativity, is it just to have fun? it makes it a lot easier to think of ideas once you have a set purpose in mind, but obviously it can be anything you want, any combination of these, or something other than these. i personally do a combination of emotional healing, personal development, manifestation, glow up, gratitude & just having fun, but its whatever u want bae. <3

♡ okay! first plan of action; get a notebook. obviously. lined or plain, black or white, big or small doesn't matter. anything you feel most comfortable and most drawn to. ♡

♡ second, establish a range of pens, pencils, colours, etc. you're going to be using so you can keep consistent (if thats your thing) and make it all pretty! you can tailor this to you in any way; said range doesn't have to be big, you can literally just use the same biro and 2 colours, pencils, all the colours, one colour, or none if you want; its all yours! ♡

♡ lastly, i'd suggest to gather a bunch of stickers and materials and fun cute things ur gonna add in the pages of your journal, as it makes it pop off the page and look more visually appealing and layed and feel more interesting overall. i use stickers, coloured paper, ribbons, receipts, doodles, print outs, logos, labels, gems, sticky notes, and things i find from my daily life too. you don't have to do that much or any at all if you don't want to, but i highly recommend it! just for ur personal enjoyment ♡

one thing i'd suggest is trying not to keep a strict schedule on it, like "i have to journal every day etc" because i did this and it demotivated me sooo much. don't do that! just do it when you feel you want to! it's supposed to be fun, not a chore!

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ chapter 2: setup

♡ okay so! once you've got all the basics set up, i feel it should be pretty self explanatory from here onwards, but since this is a guide i'm not gonna leave u by yourself. this is optional, but if you're planning on making journalling a hobby or a regular habit, i'd say the first thing you wanna do is enhance & expand. find some plastic folders to attach or create paper pockets or little sections where you can put resources to stick in in ur journal so you have more space, customise, and so on. i feel this is very overlooked but its sooo fun and its really creative and and makes it so unique to you <3

♡ one thing i'd suggest too if you're doing this especially or just for any type of journal really is looking on pinterest for inspo!! this is for everything really. covers, layouts, page inspo, page ideas, customisation, journal prompts, shadow work, titles, doodles etc. i keep a board of these on my pinterest & it really helps <3

♡ one of the first things i did when i set up my journal a few months ago was do one page just an index of pages to make so i had a basic structure to go off of. this went from basic journal pages you see everywhere like about me pages n all that to the most obscure shit you could possibly imagine. this is helpful because it gives you a frame to work off of when you're at a loss for what to do in ur journal. i already have a post on this so i really recommend that if ur looking for ideas cus there's LOADS <3

another thing on pinterest; don't force urself to stick to a specific theme you've found or try and avoid doing or writing certain things in ur journal cus you wanna stick to a specific aesthetic! again, it's supposed to be fun, not a chore, and it's supposed to be completely unique to you, like a physical version of your inner world. its perfectly fine to take inspo, just remember its yours. you are your own person & you don't have to show it to anyone, it doesn't have to make sense to them, just have fun 🩷

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ chapter 3: resources

links ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

@prissygrlsorority's beauty binder

journalling index by yours truly <3

shadow work prompts for literally everything

@prettygirlmjmjmj's personal journalling prompts

@honeytonedhottie's diary guide

inspo ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

lots of love! <3

[cecilyv]

wip wednesday

I'm making @liminalmemories21 write sports ball. Well, let's be fair -- I'm writing sports ball references and she's writing all the "wtf the are you talking about, none of this makes any sense," parts.

Buck/Tommy, 9-1-1

++

“So you found the picture.”

“When I was looking for the manual,” Buck agrees, “I didn’t know you played baseball. I played football-- “ 

Tommy snorts, “Of course you did.” 

And hey, “Hey!” 

Tommy squeezes his shoulders and steps back. “You kind of have a thing for running headlong into danger, Evan, I’m not sure if you noticed.” 

The end of his thought is muffled, like he’s talking with his shirt over his head, and Buck twists in his seat to watch as Tommy drops his shirt at his feet and starts popping the buttons on his pants, and “Oh, hey, no distracting me, you played baseball--” 

“I was drafted out of high school,” Tommy says, as he kicks off his pants and reaches for Buck’s hand, tugging him up, kissing him softly. “Enlisted in the army instead.” He shrugs and looks down the hallway, “Can I distract you now?” 

Turns out, the answer is definitely, yes. 

------

and:

Now that it’s all out there, Tommy really opens up about things Buck never heard him talk about before -- which mostly, it seems, is how much Tommy hates the Dodgers. But he puts his hatred aside for the good of the group -- he’s got a friend who made it to the show but is now on the training staff, one of the guys from his old Little League days. He sets Tommy up with a suite at Dodger stadium.

"Who," Eddie hisses as they bypass all the lines at the park heading for one of the boxes, "exactly does Tommy know?  Is he secretly a mob boss who moonlights at the LAFD?"

Buck does actually know the answer to this, and not because he'd wondered that once or twice too.  But letting Eddie dangle is more fun, so he just raises his eyebrows and shrugs.  "He knows a guy,” and Eddie sighs, and Buck tries to distract him, “Did you know Chavez Ravine used to be a neighborhood?” 

Ravi and Tommy bond about the unfairness of the Dodgers getting Shohei Ohtani for steal (like, a literal steal, Tommy spends 20 minutes trying to explain it to Buck, who just nods and backs away slowly) and decide that they’re going to the Angels game next time (heartbreak and bad seats be damned). None of them are actually Dodger fans, except Hen, who’s fully decked out in her blue and white and they try not to hold that against her. 

They all cheer when Station 118 is welcomed on the big scoreboard in the outfield. 

During the game, while everyone else mills around, grabbing food, gabbing, and halfheartedly cheering, Tommy sits with a clipboard, pencil and complicated sheet of paper that he dutifully fills out after every pitch. Buck sits down next to him, watches for a while and then Tommy quietly starts explaining the scorecard and all its abbreviations and rules. 

It does make the time go faster.

[bread--quest]

[ID: A sketchy pencil comic on lined paper of Sonder, who has large round glasses and curly hair. A line pointing to them says "Baby Sonder." Baby Sonder, holding a book and looking thoughtful, says "hmm... this 'great depression' thing sounds pretty scary!" She continues "hmm... according to my research..." "research" is marked with an asterisk leading to the footnote "reading books instead of learning social skills". Baby Sonder is shown standing in front of a large chalkboard (or something), with writing on it saying "adults = worried about money a lot," "not having enough money," "money: -job -savings -stealing? no money: -spending -losing -great depression," and "stock market??" She says "hmmmmmmm" in all caps. Then, raising a pointed finger, with a look of delight, she says "i've got it! if i get practice at being worried about money now, i'll be able to save lots of it for when i'm an adult, and then i won't have to worry as much later and i will (caps) win adulthood (end caps)". A little box indicates that it is now "years later." "Adult" Sonder (who looks exactly the same) stands there; smiling, but with haunted/distressed eyes, with an arrow pointing to xem reading "spent literally any amount of money." Xe says "why do i feel bad". End ID.]

i heard it was make a terrible comic day.... baby i've been making terrible comics for YEARS, i was BORN for this

[goofalicousgooberface]

help I started crying because I was drawing a Chainshipping piece and I felt like it was too private of a moment between the two of them and that I was a bad person for intruding 😭 LIKE GIRL. THEYRE ON A PIECE OF PAPER. YOU ARE LITERALLY DRAWING THEM INTO EXISTENCE. STOP HUMANIZING THE PENCIL LINES YOU DUMB BITCH!!!!

[elekinetic]

Ten minutes. Mike has been staring at this damn piece of paper for ten minutes.

He’s all nerves. Fiddling with a pencil in his right hand and drumming his fingers with his left, shaking his leg up and down and up and down under the desk—all in rhythm with his rapid heartbeat. Buh-bum, buh-bum, buh-bum. He’s moving, moving, moving, but his eyes are locked on this stupid spiral notebook. It’s taunting him, really. Evenly spaced college-ruled lines in light blue, bracketed by faint red. It’s just there, still and solid and sure, and Mike feels like he’s being pulled in against his will, like he’s getting closer and closer but he’s not moving, and the notebook isn’t moving, and it isn’t saying anything because it’s a notebook, but it’s fucking mocking him and—

This is normal.

Mike’s a writer, okay? Or, well, he wants to be. But he knows that it’s like, a thing for writers to be intimated by a blank page. Something about infinite possibilities. If you don’t write anything down, it can still be perfect. Still be something actually good, and not whatever first-draft bullshit you’re gonna scribble down. Putting lead to paper is a promise to fuck up, to unavoidably make bad choices and create something that will need to be fixed. Writing it means you can’t live in theory anymore, that you’re gonna look the crippling fear of fucking up in the eye and say, “Sure, why not?”

It feels wrong to do this in his math notebook. It feels big, so much bigger than linear equations and absolute values. His notes from this morning’s class peek through from the other side of the sheet. Mike can see the ghosts of the cubes he doodled in the margins. He’s been really into that lately, trying to draw 3D shapes. There’s a couple sticky notes covered in them right by his pencil cup, which is really just a tin mug he swiped from the 1970s camping kit collecting dust in the back of the garage.

Maybe it’s just because he’s quiet, but all Mike hears is noise. He can the faint shrill of the pipes in his wall—someone showering. The wind picking up and battering against the loose storm drain along the wall outside. The muffled hum of the TV downstairs turned all the way up because his dad is either deaf or obnoxious, or both.

The clouds must part, because a beam of afternoon sunlight suddenly glints off the pencil cup straight into Mike’s eye, pulling him out of his trance. His eyes narrow as he winces and pushes the cup away from the window.

Maybe he should do it on a new page. Scratch that—he should definitely do it on a new page. Mike flips the notebook over and smooths the paper. Might as well just rip it out too.

When he crumples the paper teeth into a ball and tosses toward his trash can, he misses. It falls soundlessly to the carpet, right next to the pair of flannel pants and Judas Priest t-shirt he’d shucked off this morning. Should’ve just worn it to school, he thinks, looking down at his green flannel and pointedly ignoring the fact he’d already worn the crumpled tee all of Sunday and Monday. Maybe if he’d just put on extra deodorant he could’ve—

He's procrastinating.

It’s simple, really. Just. Write the words. That’s it. Just fucking write it down. It’s not that hard, you just take the pencil and then put it down and then make the words and then boom, it’s done. So just do it. Do it. Do it. One, two, three...

Ugh.

He doesn’t know what he’s gonna get out of this. Like, what? He writes it down and then suddenly everything is okay? This is all totally normal and there’s nothing wrong with him and every fucked-up thing that comes with this will magically disappear and his life will become daisies and rainbows and shit? Ha, sure.

Mike knows he’s just trying to talk himself out of it because he doesn’t want to do it. But that’s what this whole thing is for, facing fears and “feeling discomfort,” or whatever. Maybe to prove to himself he can think about it without shitting his pants. Fuck, he’s basically an adult. He’s literally fought monsters. He can do this.  

He gets through “I—” before the pencil breaks. Because of course it does.

Mike chuckles dryly and grabs a pen. It’s a blue BIC. He thinks there’s something kind of poetic to it being ink. Maybe it’s a metaphor.

He can’t even say it.

What was it Will said once? Something about a band-aid? Maybe it’s not a good idea to think about Will right now. Or maybe it is.

Fuck, okay. He’s doing it.

Three words. Three words. Okay.

[blairwaldcrf]

WIP WEDNESDAY

after having suffered writer's block for so long, I decided to go ham and show a sneak peak of the three major fics I'm working on, two of which are finally half way finished!

ch. 3 of Nocturno (firstprince bridgerton au)

Back at home, he’s still aggravated enough to spill his rant onto Nora and June in their shared study. “He's completely arrogant! He thinks he's the one who knows the absolute best in every situation!”

“I wonder what that would be like to deal with.” Nora comments, not looking up from her paper, pencil still in mouth while she does mental math. She's working on their books and he's waiting for her to finish so they can decide how best to spread funds into the community, but she's always been a multi-tasker. “Surely a complete nuisance.”

June laughs from her sitting chair across the room, her eyes still twinkling as she asks Alex, “Is it especially irritating to you since you are the one who knows best in every situation?”

“I'm not like that.” Alex scoffs, making a face at her. “I literally ask for your advice all the time.”

“Ignore, you mean?” June quirks an eyebrow. 

“Whatever.” Alex breathes out a puff of air so he can glare at the ceiling. “He has to know his sister doesn't belong with some bland traditionalist who has never had a thought between his ears. He's doing this to get back at me for managing to take her on a date.”

Nora and June share a look that he can't decipher...[]

ch. 7 of Parallel Lines & Intricate Rituals (firstprince college roommates au)

“You know who could help best?” Pez poses the question seriously, but Henry thinks there’s something he’s not saying within the words that is about to make things very less serious. At a loss, he waits for Pez to provide more clarity but his best friend only waits and purses lips.

All at once it hits him and Henry scoffs. Liam. “You cannot be serious.”

“He's known him longer than you and I have known each other, dearie.” Pez points out.

Henry is fairly certain that he might kill Pez, but settles for a severe glare, demanding through gritted teeth, “And how do you know that, Pez?”

“Do you want me to pass along your number or not?”

“I can't believe you!” Henry admonishes, perhaps a bit more outraged than logical.

Pez raises an eyebrow at that, completely unbothered. “Yes I imagine you can, actually.”

“Since the party?”

“Liam and I have only engaged in the most innocent of conversations,” Pez answers patiently, but also as though he’s very satisfied with himself and having a hard time not showing it. “I’ve all but felt like a nun, I assure you.”

ch. 5 of Set it Up (dair au)

“Next question, Humphrey.” Blair half cheers the flask at him and he lazily returns the gesture. “Why are you so scared to get your heart broken that you'd stay here?”

“Maybe I just have a kink surrounding being bossed around?”

It's clearly a deflection and not a come on by his sarcastic tone, but she finds her cheeks heating rapidly all the same, completely juvenile.

He ducks his head after he realizes his word choice amidst certain company. “Sorry, that was inappropriate.” Rather than launch into a litany of nervous apologies like usual, he looks away while running a hand through his mess of curls and after a heavy sigh, explains. “Just, uh, bad break up, I guess.”

tagging (with no pressure!): @takaraphoenix @terrainofheartfelt @strideofpride @hydesjackiespuddinpop @laufire @missbrunettebarbie @mysteriesofloves @purgeshubble @kiwiana-writes @ssmtskw @nontoxic-writes @orchidscript

[ageless-aislynn]

Okay, I think I finally have actual proof now that I did NOT cause my computer issues. I found a forum where other people with the same make/model and two make/models right next to it all have had similar issues from day one with their PCs. Then Dell revoked all of the previous driver updates they'd been pushing and yesterday, here comes 3 marked critical: BIOS and the Nvidia and Intel graphics drivers, all brand spankin' new (literally released that week or that day in Intel's case) and with the purpose of "fixing bug checks and providing system stability." Bug checks being the official term for a Blue Screen of Death, that is. Normally I wouldn't update on day one of a new release but, well, my computer crashed this morning when I just turned it on and it was sitting idle after about 5 minutes of up-time so I figured that was my sign.

All 3 updates are now applied. If you pray, I'd appreciate it. If you have time to spare me some kind thoughts, to put some positive energy out there in the universe, just whatever, I appreciate it. I didn't realize how much I truly rely on my computer to deal with my anxiety, depression and panic attack issues until not only do I NOT have access to the things I use to try to get through them all, but the computer's switching off at random times has made all of them so much worse.

Yeah, Halo's just a game but it's truly helped me redirect if I'm struggling with anxiety or a panic attack that's looming. Getting really involved in Mass Effect: Andromeda's various romances, making GIFs of them, learning to craft weapons, that sort of thing, it's helped me focus on things other than worrying about RL stuff. I really could use all of those things back, you know? Plus, I was looking forward to so many of the new games I've added to my Steam library. Learning something new can also help redirect my brain when it's spiraling out of control.

And this isn't even to touch on doing creative things like making GIFs, vidding and writing. I'm still working on my "15 Minutes" ch7 by hand but it's so much slower than being able to type it. I was really hoping to have at least this chapter up before Halo s2 starts but I'm not sure if I can, if I'm just scratching away with pencil and paper, not even certain how I'm going to get those words on the Internet anyway.

I mean, just imagine how frustrating it would be if whatever device you use would just blink off with no rhyme or reason, no way to predict when whatever you're doing will just be gone. Sometimes it does it a couple times a day, sometimes 8 times an hour. You can't do 90% of what you usually do online anyway and the other 10% feels like you're walking through a minefield, just waiting to take one wrong step. And nothing works to fix it. Nothing. You spend hours researching, desperate to find The Thing That Will Work and it's just not out there. That's been the past few weeks with this computer.

Considering that my previous computer is ALSO in this make/model line, just back several years, makes me wonder if the issues it began to have out of the blue in October, 2023 are related. I've seen a LOT of mentions in that forum of people whose computer suddenly went bad in Oct, 23. That seems like an awfully big coincidence, doesn't it?

Anyway, just wanted to check in. Hope you're all doing well and here's hoping that I'm now on the road to getting to just... do things on the computer and the Internet again like I used to. I miss it so much and I really miss all of you. Love to you all. 💖

[mins-fins]

≡;- ꒰ °𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐒 ꒱

chapter four; gyuvin's (un)successful rizz

as said, gyuvin does not know how to act around pretty men.

of course, he's talked to y/n before—and not just because he let him borrow his pencil in the middle of science class once, the two of them have mutual friends, junhyeon and gunwook, so of course they know of each other's existences.

but there's just something about y/n that turns gyuvin into the biggest idiot imaginable.

the first time they met, in freshmen year, gyuvin tripped and fell on his face right in front of him, embarrassing himself, and when y/n kneeled down to help him up, gyuvin froze, even though he was already on the floor.

for some reason, whenever y/n even steals the slightest glance at him, gyuvin's brain abandons any rational thought and it makes him become a brainless idiot.

there's just something about him, something about his smile, his laugh, his voice, just something which makes gyuvin's brain go completely blank.

and now he's being tutored by him!?

gyuvin is not going to survive.

and he currently isn't surviving at all.

y/n is simply doing what he's supposed to, tutoring him, but gyuvin feels like he's about to melt into a puddle every time he simply casts a glance at him.

"you see.." he mutters, even though gyuvin is completely distracted by everything else. "it's like newton's third law".

"for every action in nature theres an equal and opposite reaction" gyuvin presses his lips into a thin line, chuckling. did he really just say that? he doesn't even remember the last time words like that came to his mind.

y/n lights up, almost like he's excited. "see? you aren't even that bad, the way mr. lim was going on about it was like you were a lost cause but you don't even need like— serious tutoring, just a few more weeks and you should be fine".

gyuvin blinks, the words are so genuine that he has a hard time deciphering them in his head. he looks over at y/n, who has his head leaned on his chin, tapping his finger against the table.

"i—" gyuvin sighs, a small laugh leaving his lips. "yeah um.. people always like to say stuff like that about me and.."

he pauses mid-sentence, not knowing what else to say, he doesn't really like delving into this topic, because it's so serious and he doesn't enjoy talking about serious thinks like this.

"well, it's clear that theres more to you than what people say, your.. well— kim gyuvin, and i like you".

is y/n trying to make him go insane? because it's working.

gyuvin lets out the most awkward of laughs, he's literally about to fall out of his chair and collapse onto the floor. y/n gives a small hum as he clicks his pen, staring at the paper before him.

"goddamnit why is he so pretty..?"

"hm?"

"what?"

y/n blinks, biting his inner cheek as he lightly laughs. "did you say something?" he tilts his head, continuing to click his pen as he stares at gyuvin.

"oh! um.." gyuvin smiles awkwardly. "nothing, i didn't say anything".

"uh huh" y/n smiles, looking back to the paper in front of him. "thought i heard you say something".

gyuvin feels his face heat up, extremely embarrassed by the fact that he didn't think, but said those words.

unbeknownst to him, though, y/n heard them.

⟡   ֺ   𓂂 TAGLIST (open) ꜜ ˖ ݁  𓂃 @jinkiseason, @i520u, @junjiie, @elaineas-elysian, @purikkura, @big-uwu-stan, @sirenologies, @cowsidfk, @kpoprhia, @bbangricz, @samudan, @solarwoniii, @stvrboy-k, @gunwookiez, @planethyuka

⌗ previous | masterlist | next

[skywritingrambles]

For truth & dare: 🍓, 🍄 and/or 🍬

🍓- how did you get into writing fanfiction?

I've always been a writer, and me and my younger sister would play "games" where we would act as characters in a show and create our own stories that definitely inspired me to write fanfiction. I think they first I wrote was pjo with pencil and paper, though I don't remember the story. When I was 11 or 12 I somehow found out about Quotev, a writing and quiz website, and I wrote fanfiction there. Unfortunately my original account got deleted because I was too young to have it, but I made a new account and reconnected with the friends I had made. I haven't logged into it in years now, I don't think I would remember if I tried to, and all the fanfiction is deleted except a promised neverland one-shot from when I was like 14. Quotev started changing and I didn't like it so I started really just writing for myself and not posting it. And then maybe a year and a half to two years ago I posted my first fanfic on Ao3 in a long time, this Steddie camp counselor au, but I only got a few chapters in. I might rewrite it one day. Anyway for now I'm doing the same stuff I did when I was 12, starting endless fanfic ideas that I may never finish but enjoying it nonetheless.

🍬- what's your unpopular opinion about a popular character? Teruhashi from Saiki k isn't a bad person. I do see a lot of posts along the lines of "you don't hate teruhashi you just hate women. Yeah she doesn't have very nice thoughts but she does a lot of nice things so does it really matter" And I'm just like ???? She genuinely isn't a bad person. I guess you could call her arrogant but she's literally just stating fact and that's made abundantly clear. She is a very beautiful girl and she's aware that it's important to be kind to people and she's aware tha a lot of women have to play roles in order to be seen as a good person, she genuinely cares about the feelings of the people around her and even if yeah I do kind of find her character annoying you're supposed to. Sure it's annoying for anyone to be like "I'll brighten their day just by saying hello" but in this world that's true. Literally anyone except Saiki would br ecstatic for her to talk to them. She's aware of the fact that people like her and so she goes out of her way to make them happy.

Anyway maybe you didn't want such long explanations for either of these but oh well, here they are

[lacefuneral]

talking abt the drawings

ok so.

i've had chronic pain for as long as i can remember. in high school i literally walked around with a wrist brace on each hand 24/7

despite this, i really wanted to go into art. and i did. i managed to get into art school, studied for 5 years, and earned my degree.

my chronic pain was always there, but when i was on T, weirdly, it lessened. that made it easier to do studio work. with T, though, i had a lot of other medical issues, and decided to stop it in my final year.

regardless of pain, i've always had a "craft" issue. that's what professors referred to it as. it's like... you struggle to color in the lines. when you fold a paper it's crooked. when you trim a print it isn't a perfect rectangle. and anyone who has ever received a wrapped present from me will know. it's like, the messiest thing you've ever seen.

i've always had some kind of like. fine motor difficulty. and that never went way even with my training. in many cases, it resulted in lower grades. but i just kept going.

and i'm unsure if it's due to craft or something else, but i was never a strong illustrator. and that's not too uncommon for some graphic designers. illustration and graphic design are different tracks, even. a lot of us rely on shapes, typography, and patterns instead of very elaborate drawings.

the pandemic (and other circumstances) uprooted my life. instead of going right into a graphic design internship, i was jobless and stuck at home. i sank into a deep depression, and my pain worsened to the point where making art even for fun hurt my body too much.

i think the first time i bothered to try traditional art again was when i made a portrait of my ex boyfriend a couple of years ago, but then i stagnated again.

and right now, i'm in a period of my life where choosing to live each day is very, very hard. but i want to. and i want to try to make art. so i am challenging myself to draw as much as possible. i'm being mindful of my pain and stopping when i need to. and i'm trying to be kind to myself. even if the craft is bad (it will be) and if the end result is Bad Art. because making Bad Art is okay, and because i'm trying to regain muscle memory i lost years ago, and improve upon it.

this is a new medium, too. i have never worked with markers previously. my traditional 2D art was always pencils, pens, charcoal, or acrylic paint. the markers i have are very cheap, and marketed as highlighters for books, not as drawing materials. i'm taking advantage of the pastels, and challenging myself with the limited color palette.

i'm having fun so far. i was always scared of markers for some reason. maybe because "real" brush markers are expensive. maybe because markers have a reputation through bleeding through paper (which i've since learned is often a paper issue, not a marker one.) and i think the permanence, too. i can't erase a mark after i make it. but that's letting me sit with my mistakes.

[ziipzeepzop-eez]

YYYIPPEE!! WAHOO!! UEUEEEE!! happily skipping over holding a scribbled 'report',, it's been done!! General Captain Zimzidee,, operation 'Where On Earth Did The Leoichi Parent Hcs Go?' or 'WOEDTLPHG' for short is a success!! jumping for joy!!!! the masterlist link is fixed,, good work!! (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

[said report is just a hello kitty & cinnamoroll themed lined paper with the words "oh noes, hcs gone!! ficksed 😎😎" written in those magic rainbow pencils]

but for realsies though,, i was looking for it cause they're genuinely my favorite piece of work on tumblr, like,, ever. i mean actually. when i was on my break,, a small Bad™ happened and this silly little billy sort of. general hand motions. auuugh. the formatting and the writing and the way you convey your emotions is just SO. i can feel the fondness through the screen and it's swallowing me up into mush. but like. in a good way. comfort levels 100%. forever changed the way i see Papa Leo. infinity out of ten, this is a phrase i repeat again and again but i always mean it,, i will never get over how abso-positively incredible everything you make is.

SOLDIER YOU HAVE RETURNED VICTORIOUS!!! *slams teapot down in stoic joy*

Ah, yes yes yes! It's wonderful to hear that my slight tweaking (I zoned out cross-eyed for a few seconds before putting my tech wiz brain into action) proved successful. Rubs imaginary mustache and gazes pensively off into the distance. All is in balance, as it should be. Restored to our orbit.

And for realsies,, that, genuinely means a lot to me. 🥹 Awh, Kitbit, it's like everything you say is a personal vitamin for me. Your words always leave such a melted sugary feel behind — so sweet and soothing, it's literally impossible to not feel good whenever you're around.

Oh :(( you have no idea how much it means to me. My little writings? My dead-of-night brainrot that conjured up in my dork dead-of-night brain? The unicorn vomit that plagues every fandom writer at least once or twice in their profession?? It made you feel better when you were sads?? :((( <///3

—not my heart breaking at the thought of you suffering through a Bad™ and not being able to give you all the hugs and kithes and encompassing snuggle hugs in the world. (⁠っ⁠˘̩⁠╭⁠╮⁠˘̩⁠)⁠っ(⁠っ⁠˘̩⁠╭⁠╮⁠˘̩⁠)⁠っ just know that it happened, okay? 🧡🩵🧡🩵

Papa leo had me in such a vicious chokehold last year and this work resurfacing kindaaa, sortaaaa, brought it back? 🥹🤭 it's like greeting an old friend. it's just as comforting as it was when I first wrote it; I won't say it anymore after this, lest it become drab, but I really REALLY didn't expect for it to become to impactful for others. at least not to such a degree !! <3

It's a silly little thing that i had to share with my favorite silly little guys and i am over the moon that it brings you the same chicken soup comfort it does to me. papa leoichi >>> 🐇🐢 they're so stupid. i love them.

I love you, Kitkit. Amazing work, per usual! Pats your head in fond adoration and hooks up the decorative walkie talkie. Over and out. (⁠っ⁠˘⁠з⁠(⁠˘⁠⌣⁠˘⁠ ⁠)(⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡