#it’s literally feeling like something bad happened to a family member idk what to do the girl needs a break 🥲

[granitxhka]

i think i need to leave lmao

[bitchliteraria1906]

Asgard royal family headcanons! (Specifically about Loki and how he relates to each family member).

• I really like the headcanon that Frigga was pregnant before Odin took Loki, and she lost the baby. Mostly because it makes sense logically (that would make Loki easy to explain! He's not some random baby that spawned out of nowhere, they can just say he's the child she was pregnant with!). But also, it adds another layer to their relationship: he's an adopted rainbow baby.

• Because of this, she remembers baby Loki very fondly, romanticizing the memories a bit. I'd even dare to say she remembers Loki as an easier baby than Thor, even though, objectively speaking, that's not true at all. Loki cried more, screamed more, needed special care. Which was to be expected: he was way too young to be separeted from his mom, and the bright lights and warmer weather of Asgard (in comparisson to Jotunheim, that is) were bad for him. Odin even feared that it would be too much to Frigga, that she would beg him to take Loki back or something, but his fragile state just made Frigga want to take care of him more, and she rarely, if ever, complained.

• Odin's feelings were very different, of course. He remembers Thor as the easy baby, because Thor was predictable. Familiar. He didn’t need special lights for sensitive eyes or cold cloths pressed into his forehead to be able to sleep in hot nights. He did all the things, both cute and annoying, that an Asgardian baby is supposed to do, expected to do. Nothing more and nothing less. And of course, he wasn't a secret and a stolen child.

• The golden child vs black sheep dynamic was set from the start, is what I'm saying.

• Odin's treatment of Loki has so much layers that it probably deserves it's own post, so I won’t talk much about it here.

•Constanly comparing him to Thor. Sometimes it was subtle, but sometimes it was literally just saying "Why can't you be more like your brother?"

• I'm not sure what Asgard's stance on physical punishment would be. Like, I can definitely see some people thinking it makes kids stronger or whatever, but Idk.

• Regardless of what the common Asgardian stance on hitting your kids is, I don’t think is something Odin and Frigga would automatically jump to with young Thor and Loki. Frigga doesn't want to hurt them, and Odin prefers other forms of discipline.

• He's definitely not above hitting, though. It may not be his go-to method to actually teach them things, but a smack for talking back from time to time? It has happened, especially with Loki.

• Every punishment happened more with Loki, actually. Odin knew he specifically hated time out, because of how it forced him to think about what he did wrong while completely alone in his room. Sometimes he'd come out ashamed of himself, sometimes he'd just be angry. Either way, he wouldn't willingly talk to Odin for the rest of the day, either completely isolating himself or clinging more to Frigga. Most of the time, Odin wouldn't even notice, and for Loki, that was the most painful part.

•Frigga genuinely loved Loki, but she also had a hand in perpetuating the racism against frost giants (either by action or by compliance) and let a lot of Odin's treatment of him slide. She also had a "defending the person who isn't in the room" approach to conflict, so in the rare occasions that Loki vented to her about Odin, though she was a good listener, she didn't really validate his feelings that much? It was always "I know your father can be difficult, but he just wants what's best for you!" or "I guess he could've been nicer about it, but is he wrong, honey? You already know he doesn't like it when you do that."

•When it came to defending Loki (or speaking up about how Odin was raising both him and Thor in general), she mostly worked in the shadows. She’d argue with Odin about it when they were alone, but never in front of others, and Loki took her silence as agreement, basically thinking "Well, if Mother doesn't speak up when Father is so harsh to me, maybe it's because she agrees. And if she, who is the kindest person I know, agrees, maybe I actually do deserve it."

•Despite all these issues, she was still the person Loki felt the safest around, and a very self indulgent hc I have for them is that they had a special place they would go to when Loki was exceptionally upset. Maybe it was a special room in the palace, or a library, or a garden, or even a little house in some woods nearby. Regardless, they'd stay there for some hours until Loki was feeling better and ready to face the world again.

•At some point Loki decided he was too old to keep needing her this way and that he needed to change that if he wanted to be taken seriously, so he stopped going to said comfort place with her and overall leaning on her too much. She was pretty heartbroken, not only because of that "Damn it, my kid is growing up and changing" feeling that leaves a lot of parents distraught, but also because, knowing Loki too well, she knew that this sudden change came from a place of insecurity and wanting to be taken more seriously by Odin, Thor and his friends, mentors, and pretty much everyone.

•Thor and Loki's relationship as kids was innocent and simple and pretty much what you'd expect from 2 kids who are royals and raised in a culture that values warriors and strenght: lots of competion and sibling rivarly, play fighting, but also a lot of teamwork.

•Thor took his big brother title very seriously as a kid. Yes, he teased Loki a lot, but he was also protective and sweet. Whenever they went on little adventures together, like exploring some place they weren't supposed to go, he'd put Loki's safety before his own.

•This might have been half fueled by Frigga saying "Take care of your brother" whenever they went out to play, or by Odin constanly saying that Thor was the strongest one between him and Loki (see 6th headcanon). Probably both.

•The real problems started in their teenage years, when the golden child vs black sheep dynamic became more obvious. Thor was the perfect stereotype of an Asgardian warrior and king, and was surrounded by friends (and potential romantic partners) who also reached some amazing standards. Meanwhile, Loki was a quieter, more fragile looking and weirder person, with an interest in magic, a different way of fighting, an aversion to most social gatherings and no friends. Most of Thor's friends just tolerated him. Some took interest in him the same way someone would take interest in an exotic animal: they'd listen to him for a while, just enough to see if he really was as weird as he looked, and then leave as soon as they got their answers and their fun.

•This, along with Odin's favoritism becoming even more obvious, really soured Thor and Loki's relationship, leading to some arguments in which pretty cruel words were said by both of them (I might write this).

I could go on but I'm tired lmao. Maybe another day.

Some inspiration was taken from @taw-k and @unityrain24 btw!

[some-creep]

i didnt post it on here but i talked about it on discord but au where ariane and elster do make it back from the penrose mission not for any of the reasons people usually want that but because i think by that point they'd be so dangerously codependent and weird they literally could not function in normal society and i think that's a fun idea

yknow stuff like ariane finds herself watching those same movies with elster that they did on the ship still because it's the only thing that feels familiar and safe anymore because oh wait the regular world has a LOT of stuff and now it's a sensory nightmare and i thought i wanted this but now its too much too fast and nothing makes sense now

ariane not responding when people other than elster talk to her and staring right through them because she'd gotten so used to hallucinating family members near the end she just assumes that's what's happening now so she doesn't even bother replying

elster doing everything for her and being unable to be separated from her for very long before she starts to freak out and worry something bad has happened to her. plus ariane being physically unable to care for herself at that point anyway from the frostbite she definitely has or whatever other injuries you want to give her.

neither one of them ever saying something like "were you talking to -me-?" it's always "were you talking to -us-?"

idk i just like to give them problems <3

[alleyskywalker]

I sat down to write my reaction post to the second ep of HOTD and…realized Idk how to approach it, where to start. And not because I hated every single thing about it – like with ep1 there were lots of good or at least interesting moments. There were other choices I wouldn’t have personally liked in any circumstance but that weren’t necessarily bad in and of themselves if they’d been in another show, surrounded with other context or other scenes. The problem is how ridiculously biased this writing is and how that bias and the ridiculousness of it permeates everything, even the parts that were good or fine or reasonably in character. We knew, of course, even from S1, that the writing was biased. But this season it feels especially blatant.

How am I supposed to feel about say…Jae’s funeral? On one hand, a gut-wrenching scene, carried so well by Olivia and Phia’s superb understated acting. It’s a scene that has every reason to be there – royal funeral processions/spectacles were (and still are) normal. And even if it’s not a regular occurrence in this universe (questionable), it’s a very good and smart play by Otto. On the other hand, is it not suspect that the funeral of this child was less of a melancholy moment of mourning like Luke’s funeral (despite the obviously grieving family) but focused on Helaena’s panic attack at being too close to too many people, and with the distraction of Jae’s cart getting stuck in the mud (was that supposed to be symbolic of something???). Do we not remember TB shrieking long before the episode aired that the Greens have a public funeral for Jae “just to make the Greens look bad”? These people are known for the worst faith takes, so what does it say that the writers apparently agree with them?

How am I supposed to feel about Alicent’s inability to successfully, if at all, to comfort her children? Is this a potentially interesting exploration of how her own grief, guilt, self-blame/low self-esteem, and complicated relationship with her kids due to their common and individual family traumas (and, in Helaena’s case…neurodivergence, I guess?) have and are affecting her? Or is it just a low-key attempt at character assassination, given that last season she was shown as perfectly capable of showing affection to her children (more than one with Aemond, hugging Helaena and making other attempts when she was less receptive, even kissing Aegon at the coronation despite their turbulent relationship)?

Is Alicent’s self-blame and guilt a potentially interesting exploration of how grief can affect people, of what happens when a person feels they are breaking some moral or ethical or religious code of conduct that they sincerely believe in/believe they can be punished for breaking? Or does the narrative blame her too/knows that a large chunk of the audience will too or at least will find the self-blame and guilt pathetic or unsympathetic (because goodness knows that’s all Twitter/X has to say on the matter, it seems).

How am I supposed to feel about Aegon hanging the ratcatchers? Of course, Otto is right – this was a terrible thing to do, not just because it was politically a misstep, but first of all because there were many innocent people executed without trial. It’s a canonical event, and in context of Aegon’s grief and fury, it’s interesting in and of itself, it’s part of the commentary on the wreckage that war and nobles’ games cause. I’d have no issue with it, except…. Why was this made into a literal cartoon-villain-esque kick the dog moment? By making me feel sorry for the sad, cute puppy am I supposed to think that hanging Cheese was somehow wrong? After he sawed off a child’s head? And why is it that the smallfolk get angry when Aegon hands the ratcatchers but not when Rhaenys trembles dozens of smallfolk in the dragon pit? How come Aegon is held accountable for all his mistakes, at least by the people closest to him, and Criston very specifically sends a kingsguard member to impersonate his twin and kill Rhaenyra, but the show removed maximum responsibility from Daemon and of course made sure that Rhaenya was just appalled by the whole thing. (And suddenly cares about Helaena? I actually rolled my eyes at that line so hard it hurt.)

What am I to think of the messy/awkward/complicated TG family dynamics? They’re interesting! They’re fun! They could make for some great television (and fic lol). I could/should/would enjoy this. But on the other hand, when TB get all these bonding moments, or the potential messiness (e.g. Rhaena feeling ignored by her father) is ignored in like 85% of situations? And when this imbalance is not at all in the book? (When it feels like they wanted to cut/held off on Daeron specifically because he was so sweet and mild tempered and beloved by everyone?) It becomes frustrating, not fun.

At what point do I need to decide that this show isn’t worth it? After all, I think the sentiment that “maybe this is just not telling the kind of story you want to hear/watch” is generally a wise approach. Except…that would hold if this was an original show or if it was one of those “loosely based on/inspired by” things that were not pretending to be adaptations. But when you’re advertised an adaptation, you’re not coming in blind. Ideally, you’re coming in knowing what sort of story you’re coming for, at the very least. Unlike  ASOIAF, the Dance is a fully finished story. There shouldn’t have been any “nasty surprises” like some people got in the last seasons in GoT…

But they mentioned Daeron by name. Tom’s acting is incredible. We know I’m not going anywhere for now lmao.

Maybe I won’t do my usual type of notes/reaction post this time, after all I’ve said so much of what I most feel right now anyway.

Sorry for the depression/pessimism guys. I’m just so tired.

[howtodisappearcompletelyand]

kicking my legs like the focus of The Metaphor Of All This Is Most Important throughout things & that like nobody's powers are solely "what would be an epic power" rather than "what's the way someone's personality / tendencies / interests / strengths might be made into this Exceptional, Distinctive Thing That They Do that 'serves a purpose'" & like it's so neat the way the idea of Seeing The Future is made to work a certain way such that other characters & the plot can interact with it more readily than it all being inside bruno's head; that (at least in what we see, no issue with having the best of both worlds & hc'ing that he can have visions Only He sees / that occur spontaneously) not only can other people see them if present but the "you're seeing exactly what i am," i.e. he has to Look At It as this external visual phenomenon too & could miss something just by it being outside his field of vision lol....but also the way that of course this means like, Like Mirabel in all those ways they're so so similar & that's entirely relevant, he's also having to Observe & Interpret through his own perspective, from literal vantage point to personal interpretation of the info

(oh & also like emphatically that i interpret that his vision re: mirabel wasn't actually open ended or showing two Possibilities, it was just Different for being That jam packed lol & everything he ever sees Will happen, it was just like yes mirabel will be connected to the house being unbroken, breaking, whole again, yes mirabel will Embrace Her & it's abuela but also, & more immediately, isabela lol, had to be Both)

also it's so fun like The Sands Of Time being made into this way the visions Display for him (and just are very fun & dramatic. bruno's theatricality....his real gift is Acting Aheheh like screamm & that is so Good & what it says that nobody brought it up about him ever like iiii'm) & that even then beyond that there can be this plot point of mirabel able to Find A Vision b/c they Also form into tl;dr tablets made out of the magic affected sand which, in being a tl;dr are all the more Open Ended in Interpretation, which feels entirely relevant to Themes & everything lol....that there's all this Green Glowiness that's "ominous" but it's like nah that's just how it is? whaddaya gonna do? it's just green & glowy? (again relevant to themes like....what's the problem w/things about bruno's being disabled being associated with his Bad Vibes lol. it's just green. that's just how it is) & the design too to have Just His Irises glow is sooo good & cool & excellent it's all such a slay. & that everything Looks Neat while also like allowing for the way bruno's gift works to weave into the plot rather than like, oh he can just have one about whatever you want to see whenever, but the only way they're conveyed is what He Alone can directly see & interpret & tell you about himself....ugh just all super impressive

but actually what i was thinking of here was The Ritual to have visions....like first of all having there be that ritual & the Sand & the need for a Big Open Space helps Getting A Vision be a plot point more involved than "just find him & ask him" as the Sole requirement, without a reason to already bring another family member into it, already venture outside the walls Once (although idk like again the Metaphor of just operating "behind the scenes" in some hidden & unfancy way is more important than the Practical Details but like, i can imagine maybe Temporarily hiding away in the walls was something he even already did before disappearing; that maybe he'd kind of built up having Stuff hidden back there before he did too; that also maybe yeah sometimes he did sneak out of the walls or even out of the house entirely, but Maybe He Didn't, you can really get creative making things work. but also like seems like it'd be difficult to keep candles & matches on hand without sneaking out. But Also i don't think it's that important unless you Want to work that kind of question into a plotline) where was i in all this....The Ritual. it's also neat how Different it is, to have any kind of "extra" process & materials in using his gift. like that the one other similar case is julieta not being able to Heal With Food without the food, which presumably she always has a hand in making....that again the Metaphor matters, & the granular practical details Can matter to a story if you write it to be so lol, not really having to get into it in encanto's canon plot

anyway & it's very Magical in the way it works with the materials & ritual beforehand & like similarly to doing it in a Vision Cave & the hallway of Visuals that seem to include like "instructions" on how to do the ritual? i can remember it seems to show bruno with a flame in one Panel & with the green tablet in another, & there sure is the question of like "if he has to do this ritual to even use this gift, how did he figure out how to do it?" like & i'm inferring that one potential explanation to read into there is "see, the walls told him" like another thing to Observe & Interpret....& then i was really interested like Ah, & that bruno's gift in particular has this "extra" ritual attached to it, not even Just "oh i need sand to see visions" maybe similar to julieta needing ingredients & cooking tools lol, she doesn't seem to have anything Special beyond her involvement then that is like "okay, using my gift Now" or anything, while then of course that bruno has like Patterns / Rituals that he has to do before / in order to do [xyz], like that he apparently couldn't verbally respond to mirabel while doing that particular pattern of rituals / until after he was done with sections of them that allow him to Move Through That Space. & so My Interpretation becomes like, connecting the ritual to use his gift with whatever other rituals he created that could be considered ocd, like well makes a fuckton of sense with him being especially someone with Lack Of Control, his entire gift would make him aware of the inability to Control The Future, once he sees it It's Happening Babey even if there's nonzero self fulfilling aspect (though evidently it's never wholly / exclusively that), plus of course just like. argh. the parallels of people pushing the narrative like "you Can control xyz" when not getting what they want, bruno as the Messenger of undesired futures basically Caused them, bruno as the exister of disabled is Causing that, just do things right and Become As You Ought To Be....the direct & indirect & intended & unintended feedback over [umm this isn't what people like or want or value] making a feedback loop in fact lol of feeling all that pressure in having no control but internalizing that well i guess you Should, try harder, might be a theme in this story across the board but that ofc the noticeably disabled (& potentially queer) family member Family Weirdo ends up especially "the problem" & thus scapegoated, like mirabel

tangents out here....anyway so that's me then thinking about like, the idea like "what if bruno doesn't Need the ritual" like but what if that's considered in the same context as you would "bruno didn't Need to finish holding his breath & knocking before Responding To Mirabel as he moves along the wall hallway" like, what does that "need" mean there. if he'd be stuck / unable to move along that path without debilitating distress if he didn't do these rituals? why not say that then yeah he "needed" to do them. uno reverse like nobody "needs" to make him stop it, even in a "for his own good" sentiment like i wouldn't agree with that but also You wouldn't drop dead either then would you lol. maybe bruno can make spackle without Needing to be jorge but like, in what way is that really meaningful; if being (&/or acting as) hernando helps him secretly be helping fix casita, if having Weird Hobbies & Weird Rat Friends (shoutout to affinity with animals / being good at socializing with them even without that or acting being made your gift lol. more neurodivergerrrr things....) &c &c helps him live alone in mostly survival mode but also trying to thrive / enjoy things how he can, in what way is it important to be like oh he didn't Need to do this. or that even the idea he didn't "need" to leave like, you can Decide that b/c this isn't real lol but that If He Felt That He Did, boom there's enough of a problem right there, what does it matter if anyone else is like "well, surely you didn't" like

anyway so that is to say just applying the same idea to his gift ritual basically like, presumably even if someone else had the sand & big open space & did the ritual & Tried to see the future, they couldn't, only bruno can, with his Individual Idiosyncratic Gift. & it makes sense if like, bruno already being Othered even by 5 yrs old & in this sort of extra chaotic existence to a degree lol (& like what 5 yr old ever is experiencing a world of Being In Control in the first place) could have that tendency to create his own rules & rituals & patterns for Doing Things The Right Way to seek any further measure of control, makes sense if this would Manifest in his personalized gift involving a ritual. like how i imagine his Seeing The Future is tied to who he personally is too, being in a position / having the perspective to just Observe & Interpret & Express certain things in a way others aren't, same as mirabel was even without that being her gift, kind of a reverse on bruno being good with animals without that being his gift but it being antonio's (or arguably his real gift being acting, vs camilo perhaps having the theatrical / acting tendencies put into into his official Gift lol) like. that yeah maybe if the ingredients of sand + space + bruno were there, Theoretically he could deliberately have a vision, but like. that if the ritual is interpreted as like oh it's Just for focus, grounding, &c it's like hmm well could still say he Needs to do it & the vision Can't be done without it b/c it's like, how could Bruno do it if he Needs to be grounded & focused or w/e other mental effect (since ofc we can see other ppl's emotions can affect their gifts, in addition to the entire The Magic Depends On The Family Depends On Their Emotions / Relationships angle) but doesn't have / execute a ritual for that. To Me i am thinking of it in terms of how his other rituals would be framed as Disabling even if it's like, well, if they make him more Able to do [xyz] actually? at all, &/or without suffering or hurting that would be prohibitive going forward & ever doing it again? akin to like "ah bruno didn't Need to hop over cracks to cross that section of floor" like yeah he wouldn't have Instantly Died. yeah Someone Else would've just walked across with no particular method to it. but if Nobody Else is doing these visions, if it's not really very meaningful to be like "what can bruno Live Without while doing this"....if he merely(tm) needs the ritual for Grounding or what have you, & if this is equivalent to his being disabled & how rituals help him move through his life & do whatever other things, then like sure isn't it more relevant to say he Needs it vs "this means he Doesn't Really need it." i'm thinking of it in terms of like, in turn not Needing to whittle down his other rituals even if they're "weird," no Need to be like oh he Needs to give up his rats now / stop treating them like friends simply b/c he doesn't Need them, like, what is this binary lol. not out here in full everything life & death world, is another pertinent point....plus again like "that ritual is Depicted in that hallway" & also that like, does the sand becoming glass Need that fire? does it Need it b/c there Needs to be that ritual b/c this is bruno's gift & b/c bruno has these other rituals? sure.

all not to say like oh don't think anyone could/would/should play around w/the ideas of the parameters & Rules of his gift, or this interpretation, or anything else. just sure immediately thinking of it in terms of Rules & Rituals bruno has in any other aspects of his life & this also being easily seen as "ugh do you Have to do that (the person presumes No)" & that the "ideal" way of doing things would involve being Peak Normal. & the limits of how relevant it is to be like "oh [person] is only this way b/c of their experiences" like yeah many such cases, Zero cases of "wow, this person has had No experiences. thus they are their pure & ideal self", meanwhile like his ass autistic & queer & Theatrical & so on & this isn't going away, being a family Weirdo is just gonna be part of the way that he is. again thank god that yknow even as it's like, needing a bit of turnaround from mirabel being like "i too feel this is totally out of control so all i can do is try to shift this onto the preexisting scapegoat, it's bruno's vision" to being like oh shit it's bruno himself, & finding him bemusing & weird & like yeah don't think isolation (or ramped up survival mode) ever really makes anyone more of what is considered "normal," but doing what you gotta do, Need to do some might say, & to what Harm especially if not doing it would've hurt more? the Harm of "i'm gonna bully the shit out of them for it :(" not an acceptable answer lol

anyway love that afterwards like mirabel can still a whole 5 sec later be like yeah you're weird but obvi you're cool. & antonio not even being fazed by the [you're weird] part like rather than that This Is The Way That He Is. touching on it in the end like Jorge Is Here & everyone is thumbs up & smiling genuinely & going about their business like thank god lol we did not leave off on some kind of promise that bruno is Becoming More Normal / forcing him to in whatever ways, such as exerting pressure or shame or what have you, is underway....bit antithetical to [you see the consequences of how he was treated] if he has to Fix Himself to be accepted now lol versus everyone's Weirdness & Vulnerability Needing to be welcomed & protected rather than pushed away. & the necessary shift for him being like, same as how mirable Needed to meet bruno & talk to him & see what the family had already done to its last scapegoat & have that context to understand like, yeah, i'm doing this For Everyone, not just abuela or the miracle or me, which makes it more doable even (in addition to having this fellow scapegoat's understanding & full support, bruno being so Optimistic about mirabel's involvement) while bruno likewise is like oh i couldn't do this for Just Myself, but if i'm protecting my scapegoat niece i'm sprinting & tackling my mom b/c when it came to just me i was afraid of her rejection but when it came to acting on mirabel's behalf i'm raring to go & Taking It On & what a great little detail too that He didn't feel he Needed abuela's approval then. we've all been there (the scapegoating / Seeing The Worst / blame going so far it goes in the other direction. in my evil bitch era [angrily pressing buttons on the microwave] or being such a wretched sicko you'll tell off your mom & invite her to hate you 5ever so this kid doesn't experience that b/c like what else is new for you? if you'll be hated either way may as well consider other things in your agency, in for a dime in for a dollar, & so on)

just going on & on but like also Many Thoughts bruno is such a character what a gift. that the peak relevance of the crucial role of Scapegoat being the distillation of that "is it successfully a refuge / protection if vulnerability is rejected rather than actually made safer?" matter & being able to See problems others can't, See them ahead of time literally or more figuratively lol, be willing to Say them even when others don't wanna hear it, b/c they feel they're keeping their head above water even if you don't & are liable to thus point things out or rock the boat like Something's Wrong, Something Has To Be Done, Something Has To Change, in all the various ways that can be expressed....that it's like, so clear on Yeah disability (& queerness) means someone's probably all the less adequately supported, meaning they're seen as "a problem" / "a disruption" or w/e else, meaning they're scapegoated &/or ostracized, while ofc what would support them would improve things for everyone, even if also a change to theoretically benefit Just Them would be reason enough, but that's still in theory lol like more access / support / options is more of that For Any/Everyone....again that they don't "assure" us bruno will Become More Normal Now, that this Meeting & Mutual Understanding Of The Scapegoats is this fundamentally crucial turning point for Everything, certainly first & the most for those scapegoats themselves, Needing each other's support & understanding even if it's "ideally" seen as like ohh mirabel &/or bruno should've managed to figure out & resolve things All On Their Own. right back the ritual thing like, did they Need to?? they both Needed those changes / new info & contexts & motivations, & what does it matter to Want to whittle it down, No rituals, No support from others

& i'm just sooo. it's so great that bruno is so important & the movie holds you at gunpoint like no you Do gotta love him lol, you Need to. or that if you don't appreciate him / consider him important then you probably just don't really respond to the movie much lol given the Cruciality & the perspective of [the main character is being scapegoated as well & is very similar to bruno] like augh thinking of how even as mirabel like obviously as mirabel gives bruno a bit of a push & has that perspective & experiences to do so, it's not like "bruno is too much of a PUSSY but mirabel isn't & that's why bruno didn't break & reform the miracle" lol like. that They're The Same & just need each other still; mirabel was removing herself from the Family Goings On & even behind a wall during antonio's ceremony (& afterwards, Going Unnoticed & removing herself from things, before sort of "having a vision" (i'm presuming casita like was kind of putting on a show there just for mirabel to Convey Info to just her)) & couldn't emerge for her own sake, but only b/c antonio needed her while in the same place she was in & knowing she understands; so too can bruno emerge from hiding not for his own sake but uh oh mirabel's in the same position & needs & is asking for his help b/c she knows he understands. that, oh you know, in the end after mirabel's Best Efforts including full honesty direct confrontation failed, she too was like well i guess i gotta leave after only hurting my family....that even together they can only do so much, the family can't operate differently if the other members aren't like "oh shit yeah okay" & operate differently in turn, no real hypothetical Perfect Way To Do Things that will guarantee that others will do things differently either, relevant too to getting basic respect as a disabled person or anyone else Othered / made more vulnerable/unsupported

finally think i'm running a bit out of Writing These Words steam lol, truly my main point was "what does it mean to speculate he doesn't 'need' the ritual in the context of this disabled character & comparing it to his Other rituals" but there's so much to say like waugh what a movie & what a character fr like well also obviously i love him like utterly delighted. what especial addendums did i think of Just Now....oh for one thing like the autistic moment of like a few First Time Reactions having the same "wow rude / why would ou say that" response of bewilderment to "you're very sweaty" like Shut Up i immediately understand. it's not a nonsequitur, it's not an insult, it's matter of fact Relevant Info being shared, he's barely taller than mirabel & subsisting on little food & holding her up with one hand & if she's Very Sweaty, that is a pertinent problem re: holding her up lol, sure it's a bit Spontaneous to share this but so what. sue him. anyway that already watching it myself i was like oh he's autistic Of Course, & could break down some reasons but truly tl;dr b/c one understands them perfectly right off the bat lol / thee recognition....also theee genderrr in his surely personality & experience related Shrounded Style, god i wish that were me, i always wish it were me [not being seen at all], ever since i was a child i knew even if there was a house i theoretically belonged to i would want to move about secret passages undetected (true)

also it's kind of fun how much it's like hmm can't really gauge this super easily like queer Coding? b/c for one thing it's like, what is the supposed normative standard for what would be liably categorized "cishet man"....all around like, being a bit theatrical / emotionally expressive & such is just kind of an Across The Board thing to a degree, though certainly arguably ramped up for bruno. naturally the That's Probably Not Normative is him being unmarried / no kids when forty (& beyond, but like, the living in the walls a Would Be hindrance there. but idk maybe he had secret relationships. cinderellaing it out here, every night i have to leave & return somewhere with my rats) so you know. also like yeah he's queer b/c a) utter relevance to the Themes & his situation & b) he deserves it & c) we deserve it & d) why not. uh oh "bruno doesn't Need to be queer" lmaooo like what if it's just the way that he is. what if you could force people into doing the normative things but you don't Need to actually & it's better for everyone that you don't....

whew waugh & like great character to be able to Point To like tfw scapegoating, tfw outcast from a group such as a family (including if you left it b/c you thought / felt you Had To, perhaps b/c otherwise what unbearable) (what if it was "merely" "unbearable" for bruno to try to operate wholly without his rituals or rules Ever....), tfw the different ways Clearly A Disabled Character manifest, tfw the theatricality, tfw what a Range he has as a character, [withdrawn, avoidant, nervous] while also ["obtrusive," bold, spontaneous] Big Personality vs Big Trauma representation, hang on tfw not just the rats affinity but the coatis that immediately took to him too lol, tfw tfw aaahh just Scream at the like obviously deliberate "being the Weirdo involves this being a disabled family member" like argh & that this person is this Observer & Truth Teller & his experiences with that parallel to mirabel's role & experiences even as she can't literally see What Will Happen, even as bruno also still has to Observe & Interpret too rather than like having the revelation of The Correct Insight or anything. whew just like thank fuck too that the experience of this movie is is so emphatically like yes this is bruno & we will all be killing for him. for the autistic ocd Family Weirdo. where like how much does it matter if you go "bruno Must think of these roles as personas he Acts & not people he is" or "bruno Must be cishet & now that he's accepted he can get more Normal re: gender/sexuality as well as disability"....also the little possible clues ahead of time about True Things about bruno even before meeting him, seeing his silhouette being shorter than julieta & pepa's, probably not 7ft tall, that that family tree in casita has the like Heart design in the branches around the triplets, not like his sisters directly expressed that they Did/Do Not Love Him or anything lol but you know. oh also that there's just so direct an example of "bruno being disabled is completely relevant to how he & his gift are interpreted, though other aspects of him / his gift are relevant to how his being disabled is interpreted too" in that like he didn't do anything to Ruin pepa's wedding save have his intention & meaning not just completely misinterpreted but then the presumption of "b/c we don't understand what he meant it must have been Fucking With Us On Purpose" a la people like "why would anyone say anything like that" about his first dialogue being to inform mirabel she's very sweaty, I Don't Get It, so it must be that he's causing chaos / being insulting out of sicko / otherwise Wrong/Bad motivation. whereas like no i get it he's talking about issues re: him holding her up. Autistic autistic autistic, Decided what you meant & there's no chance to correct this & it's this huge deal & you were trying to do something completely different & like, supportive & considerate & nice & like augh kill me. many such cases of i think about it like ah yes extremely relate....& then it's just like such a surprise like oh what do you mean this funny little guy queer disabled outcast Weirdo is a crucial character who the material clearly utterly sympathizes with (not that it doesn't all the characters. also i like all the characters wheeee) but like You have to sympathize & understand too & everyone loves this little guy yaaaay. so bizarre like oh what do you mean the Relatable Fun Weirdo isn't a peripheral running joke of no importance if not dismissiveness / disdain???

again Whew & reminding myself "you can make other untagged long text posts" in case i even think of other things i want to throw down. many thoughts, never any one true comprehensive post of them all

[delululand]

what do ya think tubatu’s possible green and red flags in relationship?

i thought about this request for quite a long time because for the most part they themselves are kind of green flag hahaha. like in my perception they are all respectful of women in general (at least it looks like it from the outside) and they are emotionally available, which can be understood from their words that they hardly fights with each other and solve problems through dialogues. in my opinion, these are already one of the biggest green flags in men, so in the post i just wrote some good points (?) that came to my mind when thinking about each of the members

soobin

red flag: maybe this is super subjective, but that's the only thing that came to my mind. there may be some things that you will have to tell him about. sometimes he is really very simple and naive like a child and there are things that he may not think about that could be offensive or wrong. for example, when they discussed something related to jealousy, he several times answered something like “I would do it, but if my partner tells me not to do it, then I won’t” and the like was about going somewhere and so on, and It's absolutely normal to tell your partner what you like and what you don't like, but there are things that you would like someone to take care of without you reminding like some passive in relationship. (oh idk while i was writing this i started to think that red flag is me…)

green flag: wanna have daughter… okay even though we live in the 21st century, there are still men who want a son because it’s an “heir” and other shit, not that wanting have a son is a red flag in a man since it depends on WHY he wants it, but wanting have a daughter is already green flag in my opinion. and he’s good listen? like he said many times that he is not picky about anything and agrees to everything his partner wants, so this is also definitely a green flag (i hope people around him will not abuse this!)

yeonjun

red flag: i already wrote about this somewhere, but i really think that this is unconscious flirting with someone. he doesn't do it on purpose, he doesn't want to hurt his partner, but it happens naturally and can cause a lot of misunderstandings

green flag: lack of preconceptions about appearance and how men are supposed to look. this man literally wears a skirt whenever he wants and doesn't consider it something cringe or "only feminine" like being a woman is something bad, so yeah i’m proud

beomgyu

red flag: resentment. actually beomgyu loves to tease members, but sometimes when someone starts teasing him he gets offended (for example, the last time when yeonjun jokingly asked “oh like that? i didn’t know” and beomgyu really began to explain to him why this was so and only after a few seconds he realized that it was a joke and I sat there with that face🥺) and we also know how jealous he is so i think sometimes he might get offended by pretty minor things

green flag: firstly i'll leave this video. secondly he's very soft with his loved ones, very gentle, very vulnerable. he likes to be alone sometimes but actually is very clingy and is open in expressing his feelings. he is a person who has the most developed all love languages ​​and he could express his love very efficiently

taehyun

red flag: work is a priority. this is a common occurrence in general and especially among idols but in my opinion he is a person who really loves and values ​​his work and at least at this age he can sometimes put it above his partner. however, this doesn’t mean that he will neglect his partner’s feelings about this and perhaps, having matured and found a serious relationship, his family may become more important to him. and probably not the ability to show love with words? but actually it depends on your love language and he is great at showing love through actions (here's a video to prove it)

green flag: hearing his statements or just random phrases, he takes relationships seriously and would not waste his and his partner’s time on an affair for a couple of weeks and this is clearly not the guy who after a couple of days of dating will ask you to send him nudes or something like that. and returning to the point above and the video of how he shows love through actions is absolutely a green flag

huening kai

red flag: closedness, he said that sometimes it is not easy for him to share feelings and most likely he is the kind of person who can distance himself from his partner in depressive moments

green flag: super romantic, sweet and gentle. a person who will treat you as if you could break even from the wrong look and will definitely always listen to you, support you and try to help if he can do it

+ adds about all members

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA?

Ok so I'm 26NB and my partner is 28M and we've been in a relationship for 4 years now. We have been living together for the past 2 years.

I really enjoy being with him but there's some red flags I kinda dismissed for various reasons. We've been fighting more often and it always turns into him putting all the fault on me for the disagreement and I'm just. Questioning myself I guess. Idk

Just before we moved in together we had a fight over whether I should keep my bed or not. The plan was to move into a two bedroom apartment so we would have more space for our hobbies, so space wasn't an issue. I wanted to keep my bed because 1) I like my bed, it's comfy. And 2) if anything at all were to happen and I had to move out for some reason (not necessarily a breakup, literally any reason like to support a family member, which I have had to do in the past) I didn't want to have to get a new bed. He kept guilting me about it and saying stuff like "well it seems like you're just planning on us breaking up and if you really love me you would just get rid of it" finally he eventually agreed to let me keep it but he still brings up "my weird thing about the bed."

Now we've been living together for a while and I swear it's like. Sometimes I am trying so hard to not start a fight but he will just take something I say out of context and when I try to explain myself he claims I don't care about his feelings, which is infuriating. Everything I do revolves around his feelings. I have to walk on eggshells when he's stressed because if I say the wrong thing or don't emote well enough (I'm autistic) it turns into the "you don't care about me enough" discussion. Every time this comes up he gets so worked up and I can't talk him down. Its so frustrating.

I guess where I'm struggling is when I have an issue. If I bring up something he did that upset me he gets angry at me and ALWAYS Turns it around on me saying "that's what you do to me!" Or "that's how I FEEL right now!" And he cries. And I end up just giving up trying to discuss it because he won't hear me.

I feel bad because i have always been the type of person who believes that men should be allowed to express their emotions and cry openly when they need to but every time he cries it just makes me so mad. I hate it when he cries now. Its made me such a bitter and mean person but idk what to do. it feels like I have to just throw away everything that makes me upset to make room for his emotions. I've tried to tell him this and it always turns into the "that's how I feel about YOU right now" response that just puts all the responsibility back on me.

I guess I partly agree with not caring about his emotions because like I said, it just makes me mad when he cries. And I do feel bad about that.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[bexfangirlforlife]

911 episode 71 (5×11) first watch notes:

Ok, since I prefer odd numbers to evens, I'll do one more and make it five eps for my binge today.

She is gonna fly away accidentally for sure

Oh she didn't (yet)

Who are you random blonde guy?

Ugh I didnt need to see this

Buck loving the music 😄 he is so puppy coded

So weird to see Eddie there. It does not fit him. I mean he looks great in those clothes, but... you know?

Lol the montage showing how Eddie is growing more uneasy the longer he has to do the same routine 😅

Aw family dinner with Buck 🥰

Very tired

A Buddie kitchen scene 😁

Buck saying "You don't need to pretend with me" to Eddie 🥺🥹

It's gonna delay explode any second now

Yup there it is

Eddie you look sooo bad. (The eye rings (? shadows?) I mean)

Omg wait is that Arielle ... something?!?!

Looked it up. Yes it is Arielle Kebbel aka Lexi from tvd / one of the girls from John Tucker must die / Lindsay from Gilmore Girls!!!

Aw Eddie, don't feel excluded

It feels so weird to not have Chimney here for such a long time

Oh. My... Buck and (idk her name) being there just the two... I was about to say "why can't she be his girlfriend instead of Taylor" earlier... are they... gonna do something with these two...???

Oh damn I feel tension there... oh the looks

Buck notices too

Whooo boy

I'm sorry that I'm not mad about this. Like at all. 🫣

XD Hen getting Buck home

So was it that guy who planted the bomb?

Sounds so obvious though

Dammit I was routing for the trash yard guy when they were fighting outside

You didn't deal with your trauma, Eddie

Just to make it clear: I do feel sorry for Taylor, she does not deserve to be cheated on.

That being said, I don't care much for her relationship with Buck and like I've said many times before I don't feel chemistry between the two and I'm not a big fan of her so that's why I'm not mad at all that what happened happened, because it means we're slowly approaching the end of their relationship...

I literally "🤦‍♂️" when Buck asked her to move in instead of being honest

I enjoy the Hen & Buck talks we get atm

"I'll never have to see her again" he said, which makes me think she is probably gonna be a new team member

Oh and there is Bobby saying he has an announcement

Yep there she is

Ngl she looks soo beautiful right there

Idk how others see it, but I really like Lucy so far

[howlingdemon13]

Can we talk about Trevor’s sass and bully energy in CoD? Please? Please, I really want to talk about the sassy boi so bad!!!!!!

I have so many ✨thoughts✨ as to why an otherwise open guy who makes friends exclusively with fellow misfits would be so hostile to someone like Hector (a misfit trying to do the right thing).

I know some people have pointed out that it’s because Trevor is slightly affected by Dracula’s curse, but I feel like that kinda takes away from a more core/interesting take that you can make an argument for.

While I like the idea of even a Belmont being susceptible to dark magic to some degree (we see this happen with other Belmonts like Simon and Richter), I feel like it takes away from something that I think is a little more obvious?

Man’s is pissed, bro.

Trevor and his family have gone through hell up until this point. His ancestor basically doomed the clan to forever hunt the most evil being on earth for what will end up being centuries (looking at you, Leon). Which is good, considering they’ve made themselves the most qualified, but it cost them basic respect from the people they’re protecting and they’ve lost so much more because of it. But they’re noble and don’t seem to complain. You’re lucky, Leon.

Now, we know Trevor probably doesn’t care what people think about him so long as he can keep them safe. It’s his duty, and we see time and time again that he’ll literally do anything to make sure people are alive so that they can think their stupid silly thoughts about him and his family. By his time, he’s exiled, excommunicated, and shunned but he never once complains. Even when people come crawling to him for help, he doesn’t hesitate to do so. This is what he was called to do: kill Dracula and bring peace. He’s noble like that. He’s a knight like Leon in his own way.

As far as he knows, Dracula cannot come back after he and his friends defeated him in CV3.

Until things start looking… off. There’s a creeping darkness and uncertainty that feels so familiar. But that’s impossible, right? Dracula is gone, so how…?

“You’re telling me Dracula’s employee - some fucking guy - wants to bring Dracula back from the dead!?”

Would you not also be fucking pissed? To have your family endure centuries of pain and trauma - to have experienced it for yourself - and finally done what you have prepared your entire life to potentially do, only for some fucking guy to try to fuck all of that up? Would you not rush out of your home to go kick their ass and pummel them for daring to plunge the world into darkness? That same darkness you yourself expunged and went through hell to do???

Uh, if you say no you’re a liar.

From canon, we know that Trevor and Sypha have either started a family or are at least thinking about it at this point (I assume it’s the former since I am 110% certain she would have tagged along. Things would have been so much easier with her magic. And I personally think that would be a fun date idea - beating the tar out of Dracula’s unhinged employee - but I realize I’m not most people). Point being, Trevor not only has to worry about all of humanity (again), but his family. And, considering he was the last known member of his family when Dracula bit the dust, he’s going to fight tooth and nail to keep this.

If you say you’d play nice and try to be understanding when the lives and futures of your kids are at stake, you’re lying. Idk what to tell ya.

Trevor obviously takes initiative and it borders on impulsiveness, but he’s not going to make the mistake of letting this situation get to a point that all hell breaks loose if he has any say in it. I do like to think that he’s inherently a little sassy anyway, but let’s ramp that up to 100 when he’s livid.

But anger leads to getting sloppy and making mistakes. He doesn’t give Hector a chance to explain himself. That would take too much time. The Forgemaster could deceive him and cost him time or worse. He gets distracted and lets Isaac get away. He gets distracted again and nearly gets himself killed.

Maybe under different circumstances Hector would have at least gotten an apology. Like “aw fuck, sorry. I forgot there were two of you. My bad. Wanna help me out with this one?” Ultimately, he does help Hector despite his initial skepticism, and I think it’s a mix of feeling at least a little bad about beating him up and realizing that he works better with a team.

Going off of how he talks down to Hector after beating him up, one could argue that maybe Trevor is just kinda full of himself? Like he’s riding the high off of being the hero? Well, you’re wrong. Trevor is very quick to hype his friends up and give them equal credit in kicking Dracula’s ass. Sure, maybe he jokes about it with his friends, but he’s not full of himself to the degree that he’s going to hype himself up when his friends aren’t around. He’s humble like that. Fight me behind Waffle House about it.

Trevor isn’t incompetent, but he does let his emotions control him. Again, he works better with a team, but he’s so impulsive and pissed at this point that he probably just ran out of the house to go and do what is (up until this point) his job; keep people safe. Keep his family safe.

So, yeah, maybe the curse feeds into his emotions and decisions, but I think it’s more compelling for Trevor to be a very tired, traumatized, and livid dad doing what he thinks is the right thing to do to make sure his kids (and other people, sure) have a future in which they don’t have to go through the horrible things their mom and dad (and uncle Grant and uncle Alucard) went through. If he could see what became of future members of his family and see the hells they faced, I genuinely think it would break his heart.

So yeah, Trevor is bitchy, but I think he has a right to be bitchy when someone is threatening to blow down his metaphorical house of cards that he went through hell to stack up.

[judesbelligoal]

like that women isn’t a whole psychopath thats why she mainly gets hate nothing worse than a white women sob story

—

psychopath is crazy come on yall…

and hot take, but i think the hate is insane and i think everything was a coincidence tbh, the faking where she was at, some people just post old pics and put where they were at in that pic, the using pics from pinterest, its literally pinterest huh ??? ppl make mood boards all the time

idk, its just wasnt THAT deep imo and i think the real reason y ppl hate her is bc shes judes ‘girlfriend’, like ppl know it’s embarrassing to hate another women over a man so they wanted a real reason to hate her

this kinda reminds me of that isa girl on tiktok, what she did was so wrong and shes a weirdo, but ppl actually hated her bc she was pretty and they were jealous, not bc they cared abt the racism, this also happened with scarlett, IYKYK

she should’ve said on her story that theyre not dating, idk why tf she didnt, its rlly not that hard, BUT the hate that this woman got for being ‘linked’ to jude was and is insane

like ppl calling her a granny too ??? shes 25 not 60 😭😭 yalls crush is literally 4 years younger like is he a grandpa?

i feel like some of u guys have some internalised misogyny that u rlly need to fix because jude does not know yall and yes, its okay to be worried about him, but come on…

anyway, this is just my opinion, im not trying to defend her, i just think that ppl are doing way too much and i feel bad for his future girl bc some of yall… 🌚

Her & her agency got exposed by the dailymail for basically cooking up this whole publicity stunt. It wasn’t a coincidence thats why people are angry because when she was linked to him it wasnt that big of a deal, its just the constant facade that set people off. I do think that people are overdoing it though acting as if their family member is in danger or something

[adhd-worlds]

okay. hi. *breath*

i've always hated being called normal - but now when i look at myself i am thinking - is that because i'm not? - i show 'symptoms' (sorry but i kinda hate that word) of autism and adhd, but nothing major???

short attention span on certain topics, easily distracted, bad time management, i can zone out doing a repetative task/motion for 10/20 minutes (playing with figit toys and simular) or just staring into space - which i find oddly calming and helps me to zone out. i take stuff very literally and people tell me i take it personally, i don't think i do, i just don't understand them. this happens with certain peolpe more than others and alot though text messages. i don't like noisy areas but can cope most of the time. i get angry if i am asked (by close family members) to do a task i am already doing/do regularly every day without fail, but it also depends alot on tone of voice. i get upset very quickly and find it hard to control my emotions alot of the time. i find that stimming (though voluntary, something i conciously start and can stop) relaxes me and helps me focus. i am a visual learner and can take a long time to complete tasks, and sometimes just loose interest altogeather.

sorry for rambling, just hoping for some help, i have suggested i have mild ADHD to my dad who instantly told me not to start feeling pressurised to label myself and that it's okay because i'm totally normal...

thanks

j.

Lets go bit by bit. I don't think a lot of people like being called normal because it equates to being called "boring" or if you have idk, a "normal music taste" it means mainstream. Generally people don't like being seen as the same as everyone else, imo but then again, I live in an echo chamber filled with very interesting and different people who in some way or another, don't fit into "normal".

Secondly, a lot of what you shared are traits of autism/ADHD, quite likely you have both but I wouldn't use me as something to go by. I recommend doing the RAADS-R test for autism and there are questionnaires that are used in adhd diagnosis appointments online that sort of gage if you are. Also helps to read experiences people have online, especially those diagnosed with one or both later on (teens to 20s) and their day to day experiences and their schooling experiences. And then, if (when) you can or want to, start seeking out a dx from doctors.

Also, just an FYI, stimming is a voluntary action. If it was uncontrollable, it would be a tick. Stimming is usually fueled by a very strong desire to do xyz action in order to calm down or show excitement etc so it seems like it's uncontrollable. But myself and many others have repressed the urge to do so around certain people or at work or school bc masking. And part of unlearning the masking is to let yourself/choose to stim

[reilleclan-blog]

Ngl I really hate really really hate the shit I went thru and go thru. And ik ppl make jokes about "being traumatized adds lore" but that shit is so corny and I think ppl don't understand at all what suffering alone is really like and mind u there's been so many ppl in this world that have taken abuse but were never able to find a support system or anyone to care for them so they just continued to suffer.

For a long time I didn't even think anything was "wrong" with me I just thought everything was my fault and if I do "x, y,z" I'll get the love I deserve. That clearly ain't happen ... TW I was molested multiple times as a kid by my own family members and for so long I repressed it. Or thought that was ok to happen to me. I never told anyone or felt safe enough to tell anyone. And as I got older I had to deal with learning to love and hate and come to terms with a lot of stuff on my own.

I was beat heavily as a kid my dad wasn't around much and even when he was it always felt like I was a burden one way or another. I never felt like I mattered to my parents or my family and even when it came to school I was bullied for a while. Again I suffered so much on my own.. still suffering and it makes me wonder to this day if none of this had happened to me would I actually be able to trust someone with my heart. To trust someone with my life, to trust men in general, to trust my black community, ppl look at me as if idk. Like ppl say I'm "better than them" in reality I'm just dissociating. I'm trying to make it thru the day.

After I left home years ago(I'm back) but after I left and my grandma died, the thoughts constantly haunt me and I can't forget the bad things that happened to me. I can't love properly I can't even help myself. I feel alone all the time and I try to act like I'm fine but my past haunts me everyday. I confront it and idk ppl that really know me would call me strong and smart but I don't feel it. I just feel trapped. I'd say I wished fucked up shit never happened to me but I can't turn my time. So this is my life, constantly feeling misunderstood, unloved, unsupported.. but yeah "trauma adds lore" do ppl know what trauma is ptsd? And the fact is idk how I'm still whole idk how I still find my self trying to exist thru this mess. I guess I feel like obito when the 10tails was taking over his consciousness but he somehow remained obito because he remembered his sense of self or whatever. But idk why do I even do it. For what most of the ppl I love are dead died all within the same years and I'm supposed to just keep going. Literally for what . Also I envy the ppl that never got molested by their family, I envy the ppl that don't have fucked up intrusive thoughts BECAUSE OF THAT MOLESTATION. I envy the ppl that can afford something I could never when I was super poor growing up. Why is this world so fucking cruel. I hate this place

"My intrusive thoughts win" yeah u can't even imagine how fucked up someone's mind can be from this shit but every little mental health issue is turned into some joke all the time. Especially if ur a black girl that self diagnoses herself as autistic .. I swear it's like ppl don't know real struggle a lot of ppl love to cosplay that this world is so fucking weird man. I wish I wasn't me maybe

[hannieehaee]

Idk if this is appropriate or not (feel free if this is something you don't want to answer) but as a casual kpop stan who really only stans seventeen and listens to other kpop artists on a somewhat frequent basis I just feel as though seventeen is reaching their peak in a way that's far from satisfying. Like idk if this makes sense but to me it seems as tho the members are struggling to keep out of "scandals" with mingyu's incident last year, minghao/seoksoon being labeled as fat phobic earlier this year over out of context clips and now with Joshua (he's not even close to being my favorite member but these rumors and pregnancy stories are honestly making me so upset rn) ...as a fan who feels a genuine attachment to these people it's hard for me to be happy because while Ik the boys deserve every good thing coming their way fame comes with a price and that price is what I'm worried about. Like I get that Pledis isn't SM and seventeen definitely see themselves as family unlike NCT who view themselves more as colleagues I'm so scared that Joshua will eventually leave like Lucas or heaven forbid anything more drastic happens. It's just that I always see these "we could never save them" posts but then the same people who post them also comment the worst things forgetting that idols are humans too. I'm super sorry for the long ask but I just read that jeonghan got hurt and that made me think of the rest of the members and everything else they've been going thru. I'm not even the type of person to get attached to people I barely know but with Seventeen it's like I'm really and honestly praying for their success because they seem that THAT genuine group of people who are just trying their best. Sorry for the rambling

i get what ur saying. dont worry abt sending a long ask! ur welcome to rant abt svt in my inbox whenever! honestly i havent stanned for too long so idk how things were before this past year but i do worry for them lately :/ theyre getting injured too often and they get no rest. i dont like how pledis/hybe are managing them at all. theyve been constantly touring japan very repeatedly for seemingly no good reason at all which has obviously tired them out (theyve been dropping like flies, LITERALLY). pledis had the opportunity to promote them in ways that didnt involve constant performances but have just chosen not to for some reason. i really hope they get to rest soon (unlikely tho since theyre likely gonna have a world tour next year).

about the joshua thing. i feel sosososo bad for him. idk and idc if hes really dating that girl honestly. i do feel like it was kinda dumb of her to consistently post herself in the same places/clothes as him if they really wanted to keep it a secret BUT neither of them deserved the hate/scrutiny they got for it. not even with the pregnancy thingy on her stories. i don't think joshua and lucas' situations are comparable whatsoever since joshua has not done anything wrong unlike lucas. im hoping pledis somehow protects him better but thats unlikely. i dont think any member of svt will ever leave bc as u said, theyre family. cant rlly compare to nct tho lol bc i only stan svt so idk any other groups' dynamics like that. i do get what ur saying tho i have friends who stan nct and svt and theyve said to me that they do see a drastic difference in dynamics between the two groups but thats neither here nor there.

lastly, i have the best hopes for svt. they keep saying theyll only go up from here and i believe that. idk how that will play out with military service in consideration or with what seems to be chronic incidents that keep happening to them (gyu, cheol, and han in the past few months) but i trust and hope they'll be okay. they have a very established fanbase and a rlly good support group with one another so i only see good things for them in the future. hope they get at least a month off soon though.

[mingos]

oof. so… hello.

i know i’m not obligated to explain my absences, but i figured i should anyway because this is actually a long-standing issue i've been dealing with that, god fucking willing, doesn't happen againーbut that is what i told myself three weeks ago before it happened again. basically, because it can sometimes be so common, kinda just want to give a heads up if i ever start acting weird or distant because apparently i've upset some people i didn't mean to.

that stresses me out because, as i've mentioned before, i kind of have this tendency to shut down completely during stressful situations and not speak to anybody, which eventually turns into friends dropping me for a perceived lack of interest (not their fault, my fault). i'm actively trying to break that habit & be okay with vulnerability, so i want to be honest about where i've been and where i could potentially go in the future if this shit happens againーin a few weeks, in a few months, tomorrow... it all just depends, it's not a situation i can control. i'm not trying to ignore people. i just deal with a lot sometimes.

content warnings immediately below the cut but idk maybe just don’t read this if you’re in a bad headspace, or a really good headspace that you don't want ruined. no one should read this, actually. just jump to the last two paragraphs. this is just me explaining i'll hopefully feel okay enough to be back by the weekend.

-

cw: alcoholism; cw: domestic abuse; cw: gen. bad mental health

　i currently live in a dysfunctional situation with an alcoholic & addict family member as the last person in our family yet to distance themselves/cut them off. reason being is they relapse a lot. like, “an average of at least once every 2-4 months since i was 14” a lot. this is a long-standing problem. they’ve been through quite literally every treatment plan imaginable and nothing has stuck.

i do love this person; the majority of the time they're not relapsing, they’re kind & loving. when it’s good, it’s good. but when it’s bad jesus christ… i gotta level with you and say i've feared for my life a couple times.

they become angry & spiteful when drunk and, as of the last few years, physical. mostly when i try to confiscate things i find because i'm "stealing their property" and it’s therefore, to their drunk mind, justifiable. this is a mindset i’m still trying to unlearn because of course i don’t deserve it—taking a wine bottle away from an alcoholic for their own good isn’t justification for them almost suffocating you in an attempt to get it back, or breaking the lock on your bedroom door—but it’s hard to internalize that sometimes when your brain is beaten down, y’know?

when not being guilted into silence so i don’t “ruin their life more” or get threatened with being removed from the house by police, i’ve pretty much exhausted any sympathy or help i get from the rest of my family. half of them either have my # blocked or don’t answer under the weird assumption my family member is going to… use my phone to contact them? which is something that’s never happened before. the other half kind of just shrug because i’m choosing to say here and am an adult with the ability to leave whenever i want, just like they did.

　but i can’t leave—because, like i said, it’s just me now. no one else checks on this person, no one else lives with us, and i’ve already had to call 911 for them multiple times. living with them during a relapse is hell but so is whenever i have to leave the house because if something happens to them or their dog that suddenly becomes my fault. basically, whenever these episodes happen it’s just several days (or weeks) of nonstop stress. but there's nothing else i can really do. i just have to put up with it & ride it out.

-

　things have finally calmed down again; apologies were made, talks were had, we cleaned out their stash together... i finally have some breathing room. kind of. i still have no energy to do anything because i've just been in survival mode the last week (& also sick), so hopefully i can be back to writing by this weekend but i really don't know. i'm still paranoid something bad is going to happen so maybe i'm not out of that mindset just yetーi need to decompress a little before i can feel normal again.

thank you for your patience, and for those who have checked on me & especially those who were understanding it was kind of hard for me to have the energy to talk outside of my one or two comfort people. i miss you all very many and hope nothing more for you all to be loved, warm & safe. love you all very many.

[heartbleedsalways]

So I like a boy. Which shouldn't really be a weird thing, but I have a somewhat complicated situation.

I don't want to get into the super specifics and stuff like that, but basically I've lived a life so far that makes it really hard for me to be vulnerable around people or show my emotions or whatever. I know this can come off as some weird 'trying to be batman' shit, but I really do have such a hard time expressing or showing that I care about someone. To top that shitfest off, my family is really strict (they're literally African it's so bad) and I'm not allowed to date really. I could, of course, sneak around, but there's so many members of my family and not one of them can keep their mouths shut. So eventually the news would reach a not very chill person and I'd get in mega trouble.

Back to this boy. He knows all about this. He doesn't know exactly why I get so weird about emotional displays, but he's really nice about it. He tried so hard to make the people in my house like him (I had to tell him to stop, because even though he was being genuinely sweet my family is wack and he was making it worse). He tells me the sweetest and cutest things that make my little heart melt. His mom loves me. His sister loves me. Even his cat loves me. It's like, I feel like I'm in a very safe space whenever I'm around him. And talking to him makes me happy too.

It's just I'm not sure anymore. I think I messed it up. He asked me a few months ago if I wanted to move forward and I panicked and said a bunch of stupid shit that made us end up not talking for like a month. Let me just say, I kept thinkign about him this entire month. It got so bad that I reached out to him and apologised and made it clear that I felt the same way, I was just an idiot. I wasn't expecting things to go back to the way they were, but we're mostly cool now. We both decided it's better to just be friends.

One more problem for us both iis that he's a junior and I'm a senior, so I go off to college this year and he'll be right there. I know we could practically do long distance but the last time I tried that the guy literally got a whole other girlfriend while we were still going out. He's taking me to prom this year(NOBODY in my house knows this) and idk what'll happen then but hopefully we can clear the air between us.

I'm not even sure what to do really. Um I guess if somebody out there reads this and has something to say, I'd be happy to hear it.

[anime-and-i]

Thoughts on AOT and its’ finale.

These are MY own opinions. You’re free to agree or disagree. Also AOT spoiler warning obviously!

1. Marley arc was stupid as hell

After establishing the main cast and basically who we’re supposed to be rooting for in the first half of the series, it was so dumb to now add these irrelevant annoying new characters. Literally audiences wait years to see familiar faces and then you throw in some irrelevant fucks into the mix. Suddenly we’re supposed to be cool with seeing the lives of these Xenophobic bigots. I understand the whole “showing that there’s two sides of war” thing and also revealing more of why everything played out how it did so far. However, the Marley citizens were always shown as racist to the Eldians. Not a single instance of anyone feeling bad for Eldians or having some common sense like “why tf are we even doing this?”. It was just them victimizing themselves for something that happened like 100 years ago. And the rest of them were always on some “oh man I just want this to end; I don’t like war; I wanna go see my family UwU” after they come back from depriving Eldians (who’ve had their memory erased) of their own families. Maybe if we acc saw them showing some remorse for their actions I’d be more inclined to hear their side out. Reiner was having some split personality thing going on. He should’ve been inside a therapist’s office for the remainder of the series. But literally none of the other characters are ever like “shit I’m doing something bad to someone”. Even if they were shown thinking it in the back of their heads it would make me more inclined to like them. The only Marley folks I acc liked were Falco, Zophia and that kid with glasses they hung out with. They seemed normal despite the brainwashing so idk wtf Gabi’s problem was.

2. Ymir (not the og one)

Suddenly having a conscience after not giving a fuck the entire time, when the main cast needed her the most (esp Historia) was pure garbage. I get the author tryna keep the mystery of the titans and warriors going until later on but her going back with Reiner and Bert-whatever tf his name was- is pure and utter horseshit. She wasn’t a warrior kid so she didn’t have to answer to anyone! She could’ve gone back with the corps members and explained everything about the outside world right then and there and lived out the rest of her days with Historia idk. It would’ve been better if she died tryna save Historia or one of the corps members or something. Then the jaw Titan goes to a random Eldian and Marley can’t use it. Absolute garbage plot line. Her also not explaining to Eren wtf is going was bs too.

3. Warriors did not deserve a happy ending

ESP the RBA trio. Idc if they lived or died tbh but the one thing they shouldn’t have gotten was what they wanted the most: to see their families again. Their parents didn’t deserve it either. This is what they get for sending their kids off to war bunch of shit for brains. The best ending would’ve been when their parents got turned into titans, Annie and Reiner either get eaten by them or have to kill them. No happy reunion for any of these “honorary Marley” shits.

4. Pieck (however u spell it)

She should’ve faced some consequences and then died. Literally one of the most bland characters in the series. The only thing she had going for herself was that weird one-sided rivalry thing with Yelena and even that dissipated. Very irrelevant and not the strongest Titan idk how her boring ass survived. Also she has no remorse for any of her crimes either. She gassed Connie’s village and turned those folks into titans. Her backstory is boring. We already got a sad dad story from Annie. Ugly ass Titan and also tried to lecture Yelena about her crimes. Glad Yelena put her in her place tho. Along with the rest of the ppl at the campfire. Best ending for pieck would’ve been if she accidentally killed gabi. One of the kids she cared about so much died to her hands and not the enemy’s. Maybe it would’ve given her character some needed development.

5. Zeke

should’ve put up more of a fight and then gotten beheaded by Levi. Idc about his tragic backstory. He stole a troop member’s gear and let him get eaten by titans alive. Him looking down on the troops, risking their lives going against his Goliath baboon ass, sealed the deal for why he deserved a gruesome death; not one where he practically offers his head on a silver platter to get sliced.

6. Gabi should’ve died after shooting eren.

Pain in the ass character. Tell me how she shot Sasha and then continued to go around Paradise calling eldians devils and her ass doesn’t die. Her character is supposed to be like “oh look some bigot learns that the thing they hate the most is bc they don’t know about it well enough and then they stop hating it once they learn”. Okay well Marley isn’t about to stop conflict bc an Eldian kid had a change of heart and told them about it. Plot wise, prick should’ve killed her inside her ugly ass cart Titan mouth.

7. Original Ymir

should’ve had more of a dialogue. Her being in love with that creep ass stupid head Fritz was such a weird way to define her character as the founder. She should’ve had a Historia moment where she’s finally free and done with everyone’s bs and actually vocalizes that to the Eldians inside the Paths.

8. The Rumbling should’ve ended all of humanity and the only survivor (that we know of) should’ve been a random kid. Make Erwin’s words true: “The only time humans will stop fighting is when there’s one human left”. The 80% cop-out AND the warrior parents surviving? Absolutely not.

9. King Fritz’s soul should’ve been put into his own nightmare realm at the end; designed by Ymir.

Things I acc liked about the series:

1. When Eren first becomes a Titan and the audience feels like there’s hope for the cast.

2. When they overthrow the false king and establish a new government.

3. Hange.

4. Erwin (esp his long shot plans).

5. Levi (esp when he beats the shit out of zeke).

6. Falco.

7. Yelena- only fault was being a Zeke stan.

8. Armin- excluding all the weird Annie shit.

9. Historia after breaking the Titan syringe. That entire scene was so good.

10. The owl guy. He seemed okay.

11. That one pure Titan that acc looked kinda hot.

12. Dina’s last line to Grisha. It was so sweet :(

13. Eren unlocking his coordinate ability. Loved that whole scene.

14. Kaya almost murdering Gabi. It was done so well.

15. Niccolo giving that rage speech and saying “…yeah well I acc loved that girl who was one of these hellspawn devils”. The raw emotion was so well conveyed.

16. Yelena shooting that one dude when he started insulting Sasha.

17. Pixis shooting off into space after tasting some boar steak. It’s not part of the official plot line but that ova was so funny.

18. The aot chibi series

19. How strong the writing and plot was for aot during the first 4 seasons.

20. Hange and Levi trying to make the MP dudes rat out info and they make the second guy read the funniest shit on paper.

21. Hange making pigeon sounds after Eren in Titan form nods to her command.

22. Sasha becoming an actual demon after she senses food.

23. Etc.

This was very therapeutic for me. Ever since I finished this series, it left me feeling disappointed, dissatisfied, and anxious. I’m glad I wrote all this out; I can make peace with this show finally.